AN ANSWER TO CLEMENS Alexandrinus' SERMON UPON Quis Dives Salvetur? What Rich Man can be saved? Proving it easy for a Camel to go through the Eye of a Needle. delivered at the Devil's Arse of Peak. WHEN we come to be laid up in the sepulchers of our Fathers, the last Stage of our Throne of Mortality, the situation seems to be somewhat horrid: But upon review, the Elysian valleys open with greater Amazement, and the rocky monumental Hills of Marble, that hang over in a more awful guard of it, seem to be Art insulting Nature. 'Tis not Parts, corrupted in the finest Head, on the Surface of which Straws and Feathers may Swim, while weightier Matters lie at the Bottom: 'Tis not Knowledge, defined by some to be a Bubble in the Water, a Meteor in the Air, or a Tumour and Spectacle: 'Tis not being of a Society for promoting Stocks, and Work-Houses, for erecting Parochial Libraries, or writing Parochial Antiquities, that can preserve us from having Gravel in our Mouths. Upon this deplorable Occasion, although my Writings have sunk into contempt and disuse, yet I shall once again attempt a serious and rational Discourse, under these two Paradoxes, which my love of singularity make me fond to maintain. I shall show, First, How a Good Rich Man may be never the Worse for living oddly? Secondly, I shall explain the use of my Plank and Door in all Cases of desperate Extremities. As to the first Point: A Good Rich Man may allow himself to climb up any Hill within his reach; to fatigue himself within Doors; to acquire Heat, and expel Moisture; to take a comfortable Breakfast, and then walk round his Lodgings; to have a Dinner provided for him about 12 a Clock; to have a Candle with ten or twelve Tobacco-pipes before him; then to shut the Door and fall a smoking and Writing, and thinking how to digest what he had fed upon; to be jealous of being burnt for a heretic, and afraid of the Bishop of Sarum; to run beyond Sea in a fright, and be driven back by the same: Not to endure Contradiction, or an empty House; in ●his Sickness to ride upon a featherbed in a Coach; to bate any thoughts or discourse of Death; to make himself a warm Coat the Winter before be dies; and if then he falls into a Pit, to catch hold of one of the Devil's cloven Feet, or of my Plank, which under the next Head, I shall prove worth both of them. Far be it from me to deny, that Gloves, Scarves, Funeral Sermons, and Memoirs, &c. are proper to be used at the Obsequies of the Dead, who too often affect Secrecy and Silence, as their Executors do a parsimonious narrowness of Mind. But these are things of an inferior Consideration to my Plank and Wicket. Some Philosophers have been glad to creep out of the World at any Hole; but I have a new Door of hope for them; provided they be Men of Parts and Figure, and will give Crape enough to consecrate their Memory with my Decorums. I have before insinuated, that a good rich witty Man may do any thing but be damned. But I see some People pricking up their Ears there. You Goodman Two shoes, and you Gammer Two shoes, and you Tom Trap, and you Dick Frost, and you Goody Gurton, that have lain in Straw ever since your Bed was taken away for Plunder in the Civil Wars, let me tell ye, you are poor stupid Wretches; your duller Flame will be more easily exstinguish'd; you meaner sinful Scrubs are generally given over ●o a reprobate Mind; your Barley Bread and Pease Pudding make you heavy and stupid, and if you don't take care you will die as stupidly as you lived. Therefore look to it, and begin to repent as soon as you can; the sooner the better for you, who are poor People. But heaven forbid ●hat I should preach this Doctrine to you Mr. Alderman OCCASI, or to you Mr. ONALL the Reorder, to you the Worshipful Mr. Justice Conform, or to you my honoured Patroness, Lady Mity; you are Gentlefolks all, you are Persons of greatest Wit, and Wealth, and Ability in this rich and ●genious Corporation, whom I am glad to see at Church now and then, as your leisure will permit you. I beseech you not to surmise, that I mean the least part of this to your Honours; ●ll that I mean is this, Ordinary Abilities may be altogether sunk by a long vicious Course of Life: But it is an undoubted Maxim, That Persons of distinguished Sense and judgement, by their nobler and brighter Parts, have an advantage of understanding the worth of their Souls, before they resign it: Therefore, Gentlefolks, I have reserved for you an Expedient, called a deathbed Repentance. After you have made Shipwreck of a good Conscience, I have a Plank for you, upon which one ●r two (I believe I can make room for you four Gentry) may eseape. But do ye hear, you ●eaner sinful Wretches, that don't sit upon Cushions, and are not Asleep, and have no Vote in the Vestry, it will be little Comfort for you in this Storm to expect the like Deliverance. Consider what has been said, and you will not hastily repent— of what you have heard.