A Broadside against Marriage Directed to that Inconsiderable Animal, Called, A HUSBAND.  

Husband's! thou dull, unpitied Miscreant!  
Wedded to noise, misery, and want:  
Sold an Eternal Vassal for thy Life;  
Obliged to Cherish, and to hate thy Wife:  
Drudge on till Fifty at thy own expense;  
Breath out thy Life in one impertinence:  
Repeat thy Leathed embraces every Night,  
Prompted to act by Duty, not delight:  
christian the froward Bantling once a Year,  
And carefully thy Spurious Issue rear:  
Go once a Week to see the Brat at Nurse,  
And let the Young Impostor drain thy Purse:  
Hedge-Sparrow like, what Cuckoos have begot  
Do thou maintain, incorrigible Sot.  
O I could Curse the Pimp! who can do less?  
He's beneath Pity, and beyond Redress,  
Pox on him! let him go; what can I say?  
Anathema's on him are thrown away;  
The wretch is Married, and has known the worst;  
And now his blessing is he can't be Cursed.  
Married! O Hell and Furies! Name it not:  
Hence! hence, you Holy Cheats! a plot, a plot!  
Marriage is but a Licenc'd way to Sin;  
A Noose to catch Religions Woodcocks in:  
Or the Nickname of some malicious Fiend,  
Begot in Hell to persecute mankind.  
'tis the Destroyer of our Peace and Health,  
Mis-spender of our Strength, our Time and Wealth:  
The Enemy to Mirth, Wit, Valour, all  
That we can Virtuous, Good, or Pleasant call,  
By Day, 'tis nothing but a needless Noise;  
By Night, the Echo of forgotten Joys;  
Abroad, the Sport and Wonder of the Crowd,  
At home, the hourly Breach of what we Vowed:  
In Youth, 'tis Opium to our Lustful Rage,  
Which sleeps awhile, but wakes again in Age:  
It heaps on all men much (but useless) Care;  
For, with more trouble, they less happy are:  
It Checks Youth; shortens Life, and taints the mind;  
Our Senses Palls; and strikes our Reason Blind.  
Ye Gods! that man by his own slavish Law,  
Should on himself such inconvenience draw!  
If he would wiser natures Laws obey,  
Those Chalk him out a far more pleasant way:  
She bids us freely look, like, and enjoy;  
For Love, when made a Duty, does but Cloy.  
Therefore, when lusty Youth, and Wine conspire,  
To fan the Blood into a generous fire;  
We must not think the Gallant will endure,  
The prurient Raging of his Calenture;  
Nor always in his single pleasures burn,  
Though Nature's handmaid sometimes serves the turn:  
No; He must have a sprightly youthful Wench,  
In equal Floods of Love his flame to quench:  
One that will hold him with her Clasping Arm,  
And in that Circle, all his Spirits Charm:  
That with New Motion, and unpractised Art,  
Can raise his Soul, and re-ensnare his Heart.  
Hence Spring the Noble, Fortunate, and Great,  
Always begot in Passion, and in Heat:  
But the dull Offspring of the Marriage bed,  
What is it but a Humane shape in Lead?  
A sottish Lump, engendered of all Ills,  
Begot (like Cats) against the Parent's wills,  
If it be Bastardised 'tis doubly spoiled;  
The Mother's fears entailed upon the Child;  
Thus, whether Illegitimate or not,  
Cowards and Fools in Wedlock are begot.  
Let no ennobled Soul himself debase,  
By Lawful ways to Dastardize his Race:  
But, if he must pay Nature's Debt in kind,  
(To Check the growing danger) let him find  
Some willing Female out; what though she be  
The very Scum and Dregs of Infamy?  
Though she be Lincy-Wolcy, Bawd and Whore;  
Close-stool to Venus; Natures Common-shore;  
Impudence, Folly, Brandy, and Disease;  
The Sunday Crack for Sub-urb Prentices;  
What then; she's better than a Wife by half,  
And, if thou'rt still Unmarried ●●●ll thou'rt safe;  
With Whores thou canst but Venture what, if lost,  
May be Redeemed again with Care, and Cost:  
But a Damned Wife b' inevitable Fate,  
Destroys Soul, Body, Credit, and Estate.   
FINIS.   

Printed in the Year, 1675.