〈…〉 OR The Unfortunate Welshman  
If any Gentleman do want a Man,  
As I doubt not but some do now and than  
I have a Welshman though but meanly clad,  
Will make him merry be he ne'er so sad:  
If that you read, read it quite o'er I pray,  
And you'll not think your Penny cast away.  By Humphrey Crouch. 
London, Printed for William Gilbertson, 1657.   

THE WELSH TRAVELLER.  

IN this dull Age to recreate  
the minds of friends and strangers,  
Her tell her of her evil Fate  
and her unlooked for dangers;  
Was travel over Mountains high,  
and in the Valleys low,  
Was see strange wonders in the sky,  
that others little know:  
Her was a Welsh Astroliger,  
was tell of matters strange,  
So deep was learned, was tell to her  
how oft the Moon doth change:  
Was tell her of the Shepherd's star,  
of wonders old and new,  
If her have peace, her have no Wars,  
all this her prove is true.  
Was tell her too in loving words,  
things shall be as before,  
When English men lay down their swords  
and mean to fight no more:  
But all these things her will pass by,  
as matters slight and small,  
Her knows not her own destiny,  
and that's the worst of all.  
For as her gazed one the sky,  
for want of better wit,  
Poor Taffie fell immediately,  
into a great deep pit.  
Had not a shepherd stood her friend,  
and helped her quickly out,  
Her surely there had made an end,  
her makes no other doubt;  
Her gave her thanks, the Shepherd then,  
spoke to her when't was meet,  
Bid her, and other such like men,  
look better to her feet,  
No more Astrology her prey,  
was glad her life was saved,  
Her soberly walked on her way,  
and food was all her craved.  
Oh her was hungry and cold,  
her strength began to fail,  
Her had no silver, nor no gold,  
her tells her what her ail.  
Her sold her lousy jerkin than,  
but one poor groat was given,  
Oh her than was a gentleman,  
was thought her was in Heaven.  
For her had money for to buy,  
victual for one meal,  
That her might not with hunger die,  
nor yet be forced to steal.  
Into an Alehouse went her strait,  
where an old wife did live,  
Who sold then at too dear a rate;  
and had nothing to give.  
Her sat her down, and called for meat,  
her Host is brought her eggs,  
Had shickins in them, O base cheat,  
them shickins they had legs.  
Her shickins and her eggs did stink,  
her could no longer stay;  
Had they been living, sure her think,  
they would have run away.  
Her best eggs that were in her dish,  
that had no shicks were rotten,  
And then her brought her stinking fish,  
which her had not forgotten.  
Her cast her eggs, her fish and all,  
into her Hostis face,  
And then to spewing did her fall,  
was in a piteous case;  
Her Host cried out piteously,  
and called her son in law,  
who beat poor Taffie piteous,  
the like her never saw:  
Those heavy blows her still doth feel,  
was laid on her asas,  
As if her body had been steel,  
and bones were made of brass.  
The cruel blows her did receive,  
from that hard hearted elf,  
Was tell her if give her leave,  
made her bewray herself;  
Was tell her how herself her freed,  
was feign to use her wit,  
With all dexterity and speed,  
was well her was beshit.  
Was but her hands into her breeches,  
and pulled from off her thighs,  
A thing was made of cheese and leeks  
and cast it in her eyes;  
Her Son was blind, her mother blind,  
no boot for her to stay;  
Her left a filthy stink behind  
and so her run away,  
Was glad was gone from them two Tivils',  
from Son and the old Hag,  
In midst of all those woeful evils,  
there's none had cause to brag.  
My bones did ache, their eyes did smart,  
and such a stink was there,  
Which men could not with all there art,  
make sweet in half a year.  
But now her knows not what to do,  
her hunger to suffice,  
At length her walking to and fro,  
an appletree he spies;  
The apples did so lovely look,  
did move her unto laughter;  
No delays now could her brook,  
her shops did so much water,  
Up into the tree he gets,  
the owner came anon,  
Made her almost beside her wits,  
a cruel fight began.  
The man at her did throw great stones,  
and her did apples cast.  
Those stones did so bethump her bones  
that down her fell at last,  
When her was down, mark what befell  
Her Hostis and her Son,  
Came running when their eyes were well,  
beholding what was done:  
Her took her up, was almost dead,  
they laughed out amain;  
They cuffed her, and thus they said,  
was hoped her had been slain.  
They counsel took and did agree;  
more mischief did befall,  
They said, they'd hang her on a tree,  
and I must pay for all.  
T' escape from this ungodly train,  
it was her chief desire,  
Her cried out with might and main,  
your houses are on fire.  
A gallant trick it was of mine,  
for to escape her foes:  
A man was singing of a swine,  
from whence the smoke arose.  
They run with speed to quench the fire  
that never was begun,  
And glad was her they did retire,  
that her away might run:  
Over hill, and over daile,  
till her was almost spent,  
At last her legs began to fail,  
which wrought her discontent,  
And then into a hedge her crept,  
thinking to take a nap,  
And there her sat her down and wept,  
lamenting her mishap.  
At last a handsome man came by,  
with him a pretty lass:  
These Lovers did not her espy,  
but set them on the grass.  
He to this maid a ring did give,  
which she did well accept,  
And with a kiss did her relieve,  
and close unto her crept.  
This ring it seems did prove too wide,  
which gallantly did shine,  
Form off her finger it did slide,  
and so at last was mine.  
This ring her much did think upon,  
they minded more their play;  
So when these lovers they were gone,  
her found it where it lay:  
Her put it up into her poke,  
away her went a main:  
For why her was afraid that folks,  
would quick return again.  
Now her hath got a gay gold ring,  
her knows not where to bide;  
It was fine, brave, and gallant thing,  
was puff her up with pride.  
But fortune often plays the Jade;  
she's seldom constant known;  
For why at last her was betrayed,  
her could not keep her own.  
For going through a Town God wots,  
amongst some ill-bread Curs,  
Her showed it to a cheating trot,  
who said the ring was hers,  
Cuts plutter a nails was tell a lie,  
her found it as her went:  
But she used such extremity,  
which wrought her discontent.  
Before a Justice brought her then,  
and there her kept such stirs,  
The Justice said before all men,  
that sure the ring was hers.  
Her called her Justice great Boobe,  
than her received some knocks,  
Her Justice made no more ado,  
but sent her to the stocks;  
The bo●es did jeer her to her face,  
and called her thief and knave,  
Oh was it not a great disgrace,  
that boys should her outbrave.  
Now her hath marked what hath been past,  
now mark but this one thing,  
The man and maid came by at last,  
that lost this gay gold ring.  
How glad was her then in the end,  
though her was but a thief.  
Her hoped that her would stand her friend,  
to ease her of her grief.  
Ho gentleman, her pray her stay,  
and likewise her fair maid,  
Did not her lose her ring to day,  
regard her what her said?  
They wondered how he came to know  
how they should loss the ring,  
Nor did they know what they should do  
for to regain this thing.  
Have you the ring kind man quoth they?  
tell us if that you took it:  
Her had the ring as her may say,  
but now her may go look it.  
A woman cheated her of it,  
her kept such grievous stirs,  
For want of honesty or wit,  
her Justice said 'twas hers.  
And can you tell where she doth dwell,  
that wrought us this despite?  
For oft her knows she lives in hell,  
she's such a wicked wight.  
A little boy now standing by,  
told them where she did live,  
The Author of their villainy,  
a groat to him they give.  
Unto this woman's house they go,  
before a Justice bring her,  
Where she was cast with much ado,  
and in the stocks they fling her;  
Now Taffie had his hearts desire,  
he had her company.  
But as when he began to jeer,  
she in his face did fly,  
She clawed him so with her long nails,  
she made him almost mad;  
Her was not used so in Wales,  
his luck was then so bad.  
Moreover as I understand,  
●o 〈◊〉 his disgrace,  
The Q●●●● she pissed in her hand,  
〈…〉 cast it in her face.  
Cuts plutter a nails beshrew her heart,  
was scurvy Quean and Whore,  
His scratched face did now so smart,  
which made him cry and roar.  
Too soon I wished her here, qouth he,  
but now I wish her further,  
Or that from her I might be free,  
for fear she should me murder.  
The company that stood about,  
did laugh at him a good,  
And very friendly helped him out,  
because he pleased their mood.  
Now glad was he that out did get,  
and left his foe behind,  
After they two so long had fight,  
and found the people kind.  
His scratched face did vix him now,  
he thought upon this thing,  
But now so much I tell you true,  
as loss of his gold ring.  
He did not know now what to do,  
or where to lie that night,  
He wandereth now to and fro,  
and kept from people's sight:  
At last unto a house he came,  
the people absent were,  
No man, no master, maid nor dame,  
and so he entered there;  
Unto the smoake-loft climbed he than,  
and to the bacon crept.  
Now Taffie is a joyful man,  
his heart within him leapt;  
He cut the bacon which was raw,  
no bread at all did need,  
Resolved to fill his hungry maw,  
be lustily did feed.  
He filled his pockets too besides,  
might serve him for to morrow,  
He knew he must not there abide,  
'twas but the fruit of sorrow.  
But at the length the maid came in,  
than he could not get out;  
To study now he doth begin,  
to bring the thing about,  
At length he was resolved to stay  
all night until the morrow,  
For fear they two should have a fray,  
which might increase his sorrow.  
Well now the lusty ploughmen came,  
to feed and to carouse;  
As for the master and the dame,  
they supped at the next house.  
When as the ploughmen well had fed.  
to bed they took their way,  
For I have often heard it said,  
they rise by break of day  
But time brings all things to an end,  
Now home the woman came,  
With her, her husband, her best friend,  
who was a Cock o'th' game,  
They wished the maid to go to bed,  
she need not be entreated;  
Whilst Taffie on the bacon fed,  
and bravely he was seated:  
For he upon a saddle sat,  
unknown unseen of all,  
All be daubed with bacon fat,  
not dreaming he should fall.  
They warmed their legs and eke their feet,  
the man now wanton grows,  
For why he thought it not unmeet,  
to play with his wife's toes;  
Thou hast a pretty foot quoth he,  
a handsome leg besides,  
A soft plump thigh, a fair white knee,  
which I have now espied.  
Now Taffie had a great desire,  
to play the saucy Jack,  
He peeped down and fell i'th'fire,  
the saddle on his back;  
I've brought your saddle home he cried  
I borrowed of your maid:  
The man and woman stepped aside,  
for they were sore afraid:  
They cried out most piteous,  
their case was then so evil,  
Ho Cob, ho Bob rise speedily,  
and help to kill the Devil.  
So when the ploughmen did awake,  
the best was ●ut a Crown.  
They each of them a Cudgel take  
and knocked poor Taffie down,  
They threw him in the fire again,  
who was but new crept out,  
They said they had the devil slain,  
even by their valour stout.  
His bacon fried in his poke,  
which moved them to laughter,  
Whilst he lay broiling in the smoke,  
and cursed them ever after;  
He tumbled out, and thus did say,  
I take these things in snuff,  
Pray give her leave to go away.  
has punishment enough.  
The good man quickly did agree,  
and jeered him with his whem●ey,  
Pray if you come again, quoth he,  
friend come not down my Chimney,  
The night was cold and dark, God wots,  
no star was in the sky,  
But as for Taffie he was hot,  
you know the reason why:  
He was afraid of every dog,  
when he was out of Town,  
Almost as naked as a frog,  
with grief he sat him down,  
Upon a bed of nettles there,  
which stung him grievously;  
What with pain, with grief and care,  
he wished he might die,  
He all in darkness traviled,  
his nettled flesh did smart,  
His blistered feet were gravelled,  
which grieved him to the heart,  
Yet he was musing in his mind,  
what house to go to next,  
Where he might some provision find,  
for nothing more perplexed.  
Though he had bacon in his poke,  
might yield him some relief,  
Yet Taffie I have heard it spoke,  
was bread and born a thief.  
When her saw people work and toil,  
her Shentlemen was born,  
What was her think, her horse or mule?  
her work; no, think it scorn,  
By this time it was break of day  
and he a barn espied;  
He to this barn did take his way,  
his nakedness to hid.  
He had not been there half an hour,  
or hardly sat him down,  
But Gipsies came in number four,  
who came from Gilford Town:  
They took poor Taffie for a spirit  
and stood upon their guard;  
They were prepared with him to fight,  
which when he see and heard,  
He cried out, her was a man,  
●hough by misfortune cro●●,  
That her do swear by good Saint Nan,  
her wits have almost lost,  
He told her all her travels great,  
and her misfortunes many,  
How oft her have been kicked and beat,  
no comfort had from any;  
And all because her would not work  
but live an easy life,  
And up and down the Country lurk,  
was cause of all the strife.  
Kind friend quoth they, you shall be one,  
of our fraternity,  
Our secrets to you shall be known,  
and we'll live happily,  
We live as you do easily,  
but have our wits about us,  
We never suffered injury,  
nor give them cause to flout us,  
I am your servant and your friend,  
poor Taffie then replied,  
I hope my grief is at an end,  
if I with you abide,  
The first design we set you on,  
if you'll our secrets keep,  
Shall be for aught we know anon,  
When people are asleep,  
And what is tha● said Taffie then,  
I do desire to know,  
You look like good plain dealing men,  
What is is it I must do?  
Nothing but rob a house, quoth they  
of bacon we tell you.  
Quoth he, I was in such a fray,  
here's some, I pray fall too.  
He pulled a piece out of his poke,  
the bacon it was warm.  
Quoth he this was in fire and smoke,  
but I had all the harm.  
He showed his burned back and side,  
his hand, and eke his face,  
They laughed at his burned hide,  
which he took in disgrace.  
They eat the bacon greedily,  
but they found bread and drink.  
They praised it exceedingly,  
although the same did stink,  
Well now to sleep themselves they lay,  
no dangers them affright,  
Most commonly they sleep all day,  
and do their work by night.  
They all concluded at the last,  
a rope should him befriend,  
That when their danger it was past,  
it might be Taffie end,  
This practice wi●e men still observe;  
a subtle Villainy,  
Some cares not though their country starves,  
so they may gain thereby.  
Taffie quoth they, your office mind;  
we'll let you down the Chimney,  
With this same Rope, and you shall find  
'twill be a gallant whimsy.  
When thou art down the bacon bind,  
with this same rope we give you,  
And we to you then will be kind,  
and with the same relieve you,  
When this is done observe us then  
we straight then up will hale you.  
As you do think us honest men,  
think not that we will fail you,  
They let him down to work he falls,  
the bacon strait doth bind,  
The Gyppsies up the bacon hales,  
and leaves the fool behind.  
Taffie we thank you for our swine,  
we can no longer stay,  
The bacon's ours, the halter's thine,  
make haste and get away.  
They cast the halter on his head,  
and called him foolish elf,  
And with the bacon strait they fled,  
and bid him hang himself.  
Same take you all, was serve her so,  
her best days now are gone,  
Now out alas what shall her do,  
her now was quite undone,  
Was find her heart her hang herself,  
was take her for a tiefe,  
More misery her must endure,  
〈…〉 grief to grief?  
Or else was broil her on the coals,  
as her did once before;  
The world is full of knaves and Fools,  
O there was never more.  
Her will stand here, let what come will,  
outface the worst of evil,  
Her will not spoke, her being dumb,  
was take her for a Tivill,  
Was all bedau'b herself with crock,  
was warrant her will scare her,  
And stand as still as any stock,  
no matter though her jeer her,  
Taffie now doth domineer,  
with face as black as hell.  
Her means to put them all in fear  
who in the house do dwell.  
Now down into the house he comes  
unto ●he Cubard goes,  
The bread and butter so bethums.  
at last the Mind arose,  
Beholding there his ugly face,  
she crieth out amain.  
She runs up stairs in little space,  
for fear she should be slain:  
Master quoth she, Oh save my life,  
in such a fear he put her,  
The Devils below with his long knife,  
cutting of bread and butter.  
What art thou mad, quoth he my wench,  
or art thou in a dream?  
He took a Sword lay on a bench,  
and down at length he came,  
he good wife cried out a main,  
heaven keep us from all evil.  
Good Husband come to bed again,  
will you fight with the Devil?  
I prithee wife let me alone,  
the man did thus reply,  
If that this Devil be not gone,  
my manhood I will try.  
But when he came the Devil to eye,  
he looked wondrous pale,  
His manhood than he durst not try,  
his courage now doth fail.  
The man afraid, the Devil afraid,  
stood gazing on each other,  
At last the good Wife and the Maid,  
called down the good man's brother;  
Brother lend me your sword, quoth he,  
and I'll lend you my aid;  
But when he came this Devil to see,  
he was as much afraid.  
When Taffie see them all amazed,  
he stoutly marched away;  
Upon each other than they gazed,  
and knew not what to say.  
They dined well; mark what ensued,  
when as they come to sup,  
They miss the bacon, and conclude  
the Devil had eat it up.  
Now Taffie is a lusty blade,  
possessed with strange fits,  
Made all the children sore afraid,  
almost besides their wits.  
The children hiding places seek  
he put them in such fear,  
Lest Taffie, who a Devil was thought,  
should them in pieces tear.  
They durst not go to school by day,  
nor rest in bed at nights,  
For fear he should fetch them away,  
he put them in such frights.  
The woman at this matter frown,  
and they conclude with speed,  
To beat the Devil out of the Town,  
that did this mischief breed.  
With shovels, spades, staves and stones,  
they beat poor Taffie so,  
They had almost broke all his bones,  
such cruelty they show.  
Upon his hands and feet he creeps,  
to show that he was lamed,  
And then he sets him down and weeps,  
his courage now is tamed,  
Unto a Church at last goes he,  
to hid him from their sight,  
So then he thought he should be free,  
from all their hate and spite.  
Within a pew he closely lay  
all night until the morrow,  
Until the Sexton came, they say,  
which did it create his ●orrow.  
Taffi● peeped out with his black snout,  
which made him ●ore afraid,  
He like a mad man run about,  
and calle● alon● for aid.  
Two hundred armed men he brought,  
the Church encompassed round;  
And for this devil there they sought,  
and b● at length they found.  
A●t thou the devil quoth they, that dost  
fear all our children ●o?  
O● art thou some disturbed Ghost  
that wandreth to and fro?  
No, her was Taffie, was a man,  
of flesh of blood and bone.  
Was not believe her, feel her then,  
or else let her a●one.  
Thou art a count●efeit, quoth they  
a false dissembling Knave,  
Come Gentlemen bring him away,  
he his reward may have.  
Two hundred men so guard him then,  
with muskets, pikes, and swords,  
And they were not the meanest men,  
the Country than affords.  
Taffie along with them did trudge,  
his heart was wondrous ●ad,  
They brought him then before the Judge,  
where he his Judgement had:  
He was to stand 〈◊〉 〈◊〉,  
four long hours or more,  
That all the Children might him spy,  
that he had scared before.  
A many then against him came.  
running with all speed;  
And their Inditements thus they framed,  
if them you please to read.   
Item, for troubling the Shepherd to help him out of the pit.  
Item for selling his lousy Jerkin for a groat which was but borrowed of his Countryman Jenkin.  
Item, for casting stinking fish and rotten edgs in his Host is face.  
Item, for casting dung in his Host is Son's face.  
Item, for casting apples at the Countryman from the tree, when he had the worst himself.  
Item for going away with the Gold Ring.  
Item, for calling the Justice Booby.  
Item, for sitting in the stocks with an old woman.  
Item, for creeping up into the smoake-lift, and falling down into the fire with a packsaddle at his back.  
Item, for acting the Devil's part, when he put all the house into a bodily fear.  
Item, for scaring all the children in the Town.  
Item for ●●aring the ●exton in the C●● for which lose behaviour, he was adjudged to stand in the Pillory, where I leave him until the next mad prank he shall play.  

Will you here more in time you may,  
my pen's at your commanding,  
I have no more as yet to say,  
for there I left him standing.   
FINIS.