THE fanatics BARBER. OR, A New Cut for NON-CONFORMISTS'.  
Being a true Relation of the PARSON that was lately Gelt at Chemsford in Essex, being taken in Bed with another Man's Wife.  
Very proper to be sung in all Corporations of this Nation. All the Town shan't save thee.  
 

O Women, you that can so well  
Bewail your own misfortunes  
Come cry with me, for man undone,  
For acting between the Curtains,   

They say the Saracens are cruel,  
And Tartars they are grim;  
But fie upon Christian English man  
They never did like him.   

Now that I may your longing save  
And set your tongues a gambling,  
My song concerns a Parson; Lord!  
Well men of God be dabbling?   

Yea verily even so it is,  
For mortal flesh is frail;  
And men of God like other men  
Bear lechery in tail.   

Ill tell it out, for Saints will cry  
Give me a mare behind  
If that a man must pay so dear  
For boaring Woman kind.   

Proceed therefore my doleful muse;  
In famous Essex where,  
The Town which you do Chemsford call,  
and thus it fell out there.   

Thus did it fall out there I say,  
The Parson there did live,  
They say he was a Presbyter  
The which I do believe.   

Quoth he unto his Neighbours wise,  
My Bowels earn for thee,  
Assist the feeder of thy soul  
In his necessity.   

Quoth she, Oh Sir, it cannot be  
That I my soul should damn:  
I'll warrant thee for that quoth he,  
an't I thy Priest sweet Lamb?   

Why did not David lie, quoth he  
with wife of bold Vriah?  
You I say that he was punished for't,  
But that my deares a lie a.   

With that they lay down both together  
as doth the Lamb and Lion:  
Let's get a holy seed, quoth he,  
to thwack the foes of Zion.   

But oh that Butcher butcherly,  
that blinking bloody butcher,  
That just came in, in nick of time,  
as he was going to touch her.   

So Troy Town after ten years' wars  
was taken unaware:  
And as the learned do recount,  
so Moss did catch his Mare.   

They say cause Butcher came so pat,  
he had some private item;  
Some bid him call for witnesses,  
and afterwards indite him.   

Dite him quoth he, with ireful face,  
I'll dite him with a pox;  
So up he went whetting his Knife,  
and straight bounced open the locks   

Judge how the Parson looked then,  
quo butcher, I come to kill ye;  
With that his tool which was so crank  
shrunk up into his belly.   

Art thou fit others for to teach.  
quo butcher then full gravely,  
And do such wicked things as these!  
‛ God all the town shan't save thee.   

The Priest thought to have scared the Butcher  
with a syllogism in Celarent  
Tar box quo tother, Priests were not made  
ut Butchers wives amarent.   

With that he whipped the bed cloaths off  
and in his hand he caught 'em,  
Quo he I'll have off every bit,  
though 'twere a mile to the bottom,   

O Caitiff wretch, quo Parson then  
to make my fate so heavy;  
The Turk ne'er gave so deep a wound  
unto the Tribe of Levy.   

Quo Butcher, pish— so Parson lay,  
in his own pickle sprawling:  
Ye bitch, quo he, unto his wife,  
I ha' spoiled your caterwauling.   

Therefore all you that have long ears,  
reach them unto my text,  
For faith y'are all so given to't,  
that God knows who'll be next.   

For so it is now, that if ye ask  
where all the saucy trade is,  
Why Players among Gentlemen,  
and Parsons among Ladies.   

Therefore I pray you listen well  
to what ye have heard this day,  
First of all cause by such foul deeds  
you will yourselves bewray.   

secondly for that you offend  
the Brethren that are weak;  
thirdly and lastlie for your own  
and this poor Parson's sake.   

Therefore I tell ye once again  
take notice of my rhyme  
Writ it'th ' table's of your hearts;  
and so much for this time.   
FINIS.