FRIENDSHIP.   

To the truly honourable Mrs A.O.  
MADAM,  
YOu have all the Right in the world to this Trifle; for 'twas first penned by your Commands, & is now by them made thus more legible: whose Name then should it wear but yours, whose only Patronage is enough to protect it, could any thing that is yours want Protection?  
Nothing but your Will to have it so could have made me come so near the Press as to make use of an iron pen: for I am certainly assured it cannot bear a public scrutiny; nor is there any thing here fitted to the  of the Times, or that will relish a severe Reader.  
My Comfort is it has passed your Approbation, which is all it asked, and has received no advantage from the Press, but security from the errors of Transcribers, (if any could be found so vain:) and this I had some Reason to be solicitous of, having given it so many blemishes and imperfections, that nothing but one entire Blot could cure.  
The few Copies I suffered to wear this character, and none of those Voeniall, secures me from all but merciful eyes; and if it were possible for me to hear it commended, would secure me from vain glory too.  
I remember my Lord of Cherbery having sent divers copies of a Book he printed to several eminent persons beyond Sea, and receiving thence as many gratulatory Compliments, was told by our excellent Selden, if He would know what people thought of his Book, He should suffer it to lie on the Stall, and be sold by the Stationer for eighteen pence or two shillings apiece. Indeed every Book an Author gives is a Bribe, and the Receivers Testimony made thereby rather his Civility then his Judgement.  
'Tis an old observation, that those Philosophers who wrote the most severe Tractates in contempt of glory, still prefixed their names to those Pieces, as loath to lose the glory of being such Contemners. You, who are the severest Self-denyer in the world, have taught me another lesson, & this very Dedication may serve for a Testimony of that virtue in you, and that desire of it in me. For upon what other score can you bear with so trivial, and (to you at least) so useless a Piece? Or upon what other account could I wrap my Name in a Disguise, and decline the public Honour of being known so devotedly yours?  
How beneficial any thing in these following lines may prove to others I cannot prophesy; to you I am sure it is very unnecessary, who have already outdone, and outlived all that hath been, or can be said of Friendship.  
When I have said that, I need not mention your other Virtues: for in my Notion of Friendship they are included. I dare not so much as name them here, lest you should think me (though You would be the only Person of that opinion) a Flatterer, which I hate as much (if possible) as I do Hell, or love Heaven and the Way thither, which is an Endearment and Union with Lucasia, and the being constantly and eternally  
March 30. 1654. Your most devoted, faithful Palaemon.   

D. Noble Lucasia-Orinda.  
'tIs not without much regret as well as disadvantage to myself, that I disobey any of your Commands. But you ought not therefore to quarrel at my Disobedience: for when you require things impossible, as ingenious Discourses from Men that have it not about them; you may be so merciful as to allow yourself mistaken in the merits of the Person whose obedience you exact, and do him so much right as to acknowledge and preserve the Empire you still have, by distinguishing between Impotency and Infidelity.  
The assurance I have that you will not easily confound these two, had begot some hope in me that my silence on a subject you are so absolutely Mistress of, Friendship, should have a very candid Interpretation: but since you thunder out Excommunications against it, and in the only Names I reverence to such a height as takes off all colour and thoughts of dispute, Lucasia and Orinda; I am resolved to give you a Testimony of my Obsequiousness, though in it I must also of my Inability, which you might much more to my advantage perhaps, have concluded by my saying nothing.  
How to begin I know not; and if I find it as difficult to end, I may possibly swell this into a bulk incongruous for a letter, and I am sure aforehand it will neither have Method nor Solidity enough to deserve the appellation of a Treatise, or Discourse.  
Some order I would willingly observe, without any confinement to strict Philosophical Definitions of, and inquiries into it, or Historical Deductions of its Origination, Rise, and Growth, enumerated in several Examples, whereof we have little left besides the Names.  
But however he that were happy enough in his Proficiency in so blessed a Mystery as Friendship, as to pen all it deserved with all the accurateness , might (as fare as I yet understand) comprehend all under these three heads, The Nature of it, The Causes of it, and the Benefit and Use of it. And these three I shall touch at.  
First, by the Nature of it I do not mean the Natural Causes of it, for that were to confound the first member of my Division with the second. But by Nature here I mean Quality or Condition. And perhaps it is not preposterous to see first what kind of thing this Friendship is, before we ask whence it comes; for hereby those who are not satisfied with the value and quality of it, may spare further questions concerning it as useless and impertinent.  
Some have been so prodigal in their Encomiums and descriptions of Love, that they have not been content to keep the other Passions at a just distance and subjection, but have quite swallowed them up: and by making the objects of every Passion lovely in the eyes of that Passion whereby they are pursued, have taken away the proper name of that Passion and anabaptised it Love. And thus the Extremes of a Passion which hardly avoid being vicious where the Passion itself is virtuous, must carry the plausible inscription of Love, though Love itself be thereby brought into Detestation. Ambition is hence styled the Love of Honour, Covetousness the Love of Money. But it is not the name of Love can excuse, much less transform Vice into Virtue; for Love itself is like the Planet Mercury, which hath no influence properly its own, but follows the predomination of those other Planets with whom he is in Conjunction, and so is good with the good, bad with the bad: and just so is Love, vicious or virtuous according to its objects.  
But reserving to every Passion its due Name, and to Love its just Superiority, I shall believe I have done that and Friendship Right together, when I have said, Love is the Crown and Perfection of all our Passions, Friendship of our Love. I bate not the highest pitch of Love, our Love to God, for Friendship crowns that too: which I shall not take much pains to prove, if Abraham's love of God and Gods of him be allowed of as high a degree as any others mentioned in Scripture; (and surely 'tis no prodigality to give so much to the Father of the faithful.) 'Tis more than once that Abraham is styled in Scripture the Friend of God. 
2 Chron. 20.7. Isa. 41.8. James 2.23.  And we find one of the highest and constituent qualities and effects of Friendship expressed clearly by God in the preambulatory chapter to Sodom's destruction, to wit, Communication of secrets and counsels; Shall I (says God) hid from Abraham the thing I am about to do? What follows we know, a positive Declaration of the doom of Sodom, and a concession of all those Conditions and Qualifications for the reversing the Decree and preservation of the place, Abraham could think fit to desire.  
But to come out of the clouds, and descend to the proper stage of Friendship, (and if you believe Guzman, the only true Friend) the Earth: I do not think the love of any Relation hath that Candour, Vigour, Complacency, and eminent Perfection, which is in the love of Friends. And the reason hereof (to my present apprehension) is, That in all other Relations, whether Natural or Politic, our love is a Duty imposed; in this a Duty too, but freely chosen at first, and made so by ourselves. Now regularly, what ever we are bound to by a Law, we look on as an encroachment upon and abridgement of our freedom, and be the thing never so good we are obliged to, it altars not our conception of, and quarrel to the Obligation; and hence we qualify our Obedience as much as we can, and think we have shaken off a yoke and piece of servitude, when we have found out a way to slacken our dependence on those Relations: In this case we are all like Princes, who take it very unkindly to have their Counselors and Confidents appointed them by their Father; and therefore, as they usually do at their Father's death, we count it the first part of our Royalty to advance some new Favourite, and the stranger the better we think, because it gives the clearer testimony of our Absoluteness.  
Notwithstanding all which, it is a great happiness, and rather to be wished then found, that the Relations of Blood (especially the most capable ones) might twine and grow up into those of Friendship; that where Nature hath made some Ties, we may add others, and so twist a Cord into a strength not easily broken. But to effect this there must be an Alliance or correspondence of Souls and Humours, as well as blood, and where they may be found, there is not any consanguinity in an equal degree (as between Brothers and Sisters) which ought to hinder the stricter union of Friendship. And though Diversity and (may be) Contrariety of Humour hinder so happy a progression; yet this must not unravel the affection Nature knits 'twixt those of such affinity. There is a vast difference betwixt admission of one into my dearest thoughts, and exclusion of him from all: and before we have done with all the requisites towards making a Friend, we shall certainly find it highly necessary He be not without natural affection.  
It is hardly worth the while to inquire why it is so rare to find a Friendship contracted 'twixt Relatives. But the wonder, if it be one, is taken off, if we consider that their Souls are of as different makes as if their Persons had no Relation. For either the Father does not beget the Soul of the Child; or if he does, since no man differs more from another then the same man at several times does from himself, the next child may be of as contrary a frame of spirit, as if he had been the issue of a stranger.  
Now in Relations which have not that equality, as Father and Son, and the like, or Politic Relations, as King and Subject, the inequality and awe created thence quite destroys possibility of Friendship; and this incapacity of the greatest happiness here, is the sharpest Thorn in a King's Crown. Some one King may be there is of so extraordinary a Genius, as by unvailing much of his Majesty, and descending to appear in an address and converse more familiar & obliging, may arrive at the felicity of Friendship: but I must not name him, lest Historians explode the Narration (as fabulous) and Politicians Him.  
And 'tis so certain that Superiority, whether Natural or acquired, forbids Friendship, that every place will give you examples of stricter Unions 'twixt younger Brothers one with another, than any of them with the elder; especially if the elder Brother hath a kind of adopted Paternity over the younger, and they depend wholly upon him.  
If any Love may stand in competition with that of Friends, it is the Conjugal; and that, if any where, where the Marriage was purely the choice and congruity of the Persons united, without the Bias of other Interests which usually bear a great sway in that Union.  
Now even here, unless the Love proceed to a Friendship, it is short of what it might come to, and of that Passion which the very Persons have towards others, if so be they are really and indeed Friends to any. There be many can adore one as a Mistress, affect her for a Wife, and yet believe her not so proper for all the Relations of Friendship; More that while she is a Mistress believe her fit for all those offices, and find themselves afterwards deceived.  
But to bring Marriage and Friendship into Competition, allowing only to Marriage the legal and ordinary Union, I think it will be past dispute where the Transcendency lies, if we admit the most unquestionable Gradation that can be any where desired. Take it as it lies in Deuteronomy, the 13. chapter, and about the 6. or 7. verse: where God commanding enticers to Idolatry how near soever to be put to death, thus reckons them up; If thy brother the Son of thy Mother, or thy own Son, or Daughter, if the Wife of thy bosom, nay if thy Friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee to Idolatry, etc. thou shalt not spare them. Higher than a Friend we cannot go. There be those would sacrifice their other Relations for the preservation of this; but he that can be persuaded not to spare this, needs little weaning from the rest. It is not possible for me to go higher in evincing the excellency of Friendship in relation to all other Loves. Let us look a little nearer and more narrowly into its Nature and Qualities.  
One I have already mentioned, its being Communicative: and this keeps Friendship in perpetual Motion and Action, and so makes it more resplendent. By this a private person is happier than his Prince, all his Actions and Counsels being subjected to a more ingenuous and free debate, and the result given more impartially, according to true Interest, not affections, and what is worse, parasitical cockering of the humour.  
Then Friendship hath an Uniting quality, it makes two as it were One, but so as the Communication is hereby increased: for who can doubt disclosing what troubles or perplexes him to one so much himself? 'tis but appealing from my distempered self, to myself composed; all the difference is for my advantage: and when my  is down or my sight vitiated by some ill-acquired Tincture, I have the advantage left of a Taste and Sight uncorrupted, which restores me to as perfect a Judgement as if I were in my own Nature infallible.  
Thirdly, Friendship is Secret: its communicativeness extends no further than its Relation. And this is the very Prop and Support of all the comforts it is capable of imparting by virtue of its other Qualities. 'Tis the Harbour in which the weatherbeaten friend is safe after all storms. One cannot readily instance a greater incapacity of Friendship, than a Spongy Nature; one ready to suck in what secrets you please, but as ready to give them up to the first hand that calls for them. The Boy in Plutarch that having not where to hid a live Fox he had stole, but next his skin, and being pursued for the crime, chose rather to have his Bowels gnawed out by it, then confess the Theft, should teach us a greater constancy of Nature.  
He that betrays the Secrets of his friend entrusted to him is doubly guilty, and by adding Fraud to his Violence, and breach of the greatest trust to his Robbery, has withal done execution upon himself too, and lives branded and infamous to that degree, that the Gallows, which his Desperation of so much Mercy may in time make him find way to, shall be thought a Pardon.  
Lastly, Friendship is virtuous; for indeed nothing that is not so is or can be lasting. Nor can one long retain a good opinion of Persons otherwise habited. It delights in nothing more than preserving those in the paths of virtue whose inclinations harken to the worse. And that very consideration hath restrained many from courses which, but for the interest and preservation of their Friendship, they would have embraced to their Ruin.  
I deny not but there may be some kind of Union betwixt Persons of a Complexion very different from virtuous: but that is a Combination, not a Friendship; and though the Covenant be never so Solemn, will be like an Almanac out of Date, as soon as the precious Ends for which it was contracted are accomplished.  
When I have said Friendship is virtuous, I have given it its proper Title, but too comprehensive to be instanced in particularly in the several Exercises of its virtue. And much of that Nature will fall under consideration in descending to speak of the Benefit and Use of Friendship, somewhat, in enquiring into the Causes of it, which I now am come to.  
The Causes of Friendship are either such as respect our desire of Friendship in general, or more particularly our contracting it with this or that Person rather than another; which may as properly be called the Occasions of our Friendship. The first are universally Natural, our common Nature and Principles of Humanity necessarily put us upon the acquisition of Friends. There is an innate desire in every man from the Principles of Self-preservation, to make his party as strong and considerable as he can, by engaging some other to the protection of that Self which is so dear to him.  
Again, Man being naturally a Sociable Creature, and a common outward formal Converse being very empty and unsatisfactory to a communicative Spirit, especially as the world commonly goes, when People watch like Wolves to make a Prey one of another; the Soul boils and grows impatient, till it find somewhat where it may more freely and safely dilate itself, and that cannot be any where but in the Bosom of a Friend. The inhabitants of the Air and Deserts, Birds and wild Beasts are fare more innocent Auditors of our Complaints or Discourses, than Man, unless Friendship hath civilised him. And since our Passions must either have vent or they will burst us, 'tis not only necessary to seek the only proper relief, a Friend, but very advisable till we find one, to put Demosthenes' practice for the cure of his stammering afoot again, and like him Harangue it to the Woods.  
In a word, the miserable uncomfortable Solitude of being without a Friend, the incapacity of advising ourselves or taking discreet Counsels, since He who teacheth himself hath always a fool to his Master, the unrelievablenesse of our bad condition, the unpleasantness of our best for want of a congratulating partner, are powerful incentives of this Desire of Friendship in all Men.  
But then particular Friendships, and with one rather than another, are the results of particular Natures and Fancies; sometimes, which are guided by a prevalent Humour to consort with the Disposition they choose; and other times perhaps are contracted not by particularity of choice, preferring the person chosen to all others, but by some accidental occasional circumstance offering that Person to an endearment, which our Natural Desire and indeed Necessity of Friendship makes us eagerly embrace.  
What the Common Occasions or Causes of contracting Friendships are, may be useful for our inquiry, especially if we desire to preserve any of our concerns from too hasty and unadvised contracts of that kind. This Caution is indeed as necessary and as much to the advantage of those committed to our Care, as the very supervising their Marriages: A Cross and misfortune in the Election of a Friend as fatal as of a Wife. Therefore though Friendship itself be virtuous, yet all Persons of all ages and Tempers are no fit disposers of themselves; no more than in Marriage, which is virtuous and honourable, but yet does not preserve all those such who enter into it.  
The Constitutions of Men are various: some of a serene, free, transparent, open Genius from their Cradles, of a soft tender affectionate Nature, and if they follow the guidance of their own thoughts before they come to a Maturity of Judgement, are easily ensnared by those of a more subtle and naturally dissembling temper, and so may by such as study only their ownadvantage, by a few fair words and lefthanded kindnesses, in the days of their Credulity, be betrayed into an endearment, from which they expect the Name of Friend, when more truly that of Stalking-horse fits better the use they are put to.  
The Common Occasions of beginning Friendships with particular Persons, are either a long acquaintance, begun especially in the Age of greatest tenderness and fondness, but least judgement; or when we come to understanding, a sense of Gratitude where we are obliged highly upon slender or no merit; at least not particularly applied to the person obliging. The Natural and Congenial Return of Love is Love, it will not be bartered for any thing else, nor admit any other thing in Exchange for it: and though it brings all things with it, as he that gives himself will surely deny nothing; yet it brings itself, which is better than all, and without which all the rest is nothing.  
Now whosoever desires to grow into a Friendship with a particular Person, whom his own observation (as fare as a stranger can observe) and a general Fame hath recommended to his thoughts, will quickly be ingenious enough to find ways of expressing the Esteem He hath, and Endearment He desires: and if the Resentment be answerable to Expectation, which it will be if there be any of that Common Ingenuity which a truly noble and friendly Nature is always furnished with, here is a fair foundation laid whereon to build a firm and lasting Friendship.  
But because no Person credit's Fame enough to take up Friendship on Trust from her, though he may receive thence great praevious inclinations, and such as may go very fare in blinding his Judgement when he hath greatest Use of it; we may consider that the first ordinary designation of the Person we affect, (where we have not been prepossessed with a Traditional Merit in him) is from the Eyes; and 'tis the Eye too that where we have trusted much to Report, gives the first Testimony of our assent to its Veracity.  
Every Motion, Passion, Affection, and Alteration of the Soul, is indeed first perceptible in the Eye, the motions whereof are much nimbler than of any other part; and I have known Blushes visible in the Eyes of those whose Blood hath come much slower into their Face, and only time enough to testify that they were not deceived who read their Blushes in their Eyes before.  
Nor is the Eye merely Declaratory of our choice, but instrumental in it too. All men believe (or by their practice seem to believe) that from the Aspect, Countenance, Mien, Air, or Spiritous Resultance (arising from the Composure of the Face) call it which you please, a shrewd Judgement is to be made of the Nature and Conditions: And the Principles of this Philosophy are probably clear, if the Rules to reduce them into Practice were so. But however, we all allow ourselves so well skilled in this Physiognomy, that we venture to descant to ourselves upon the Conditions of a whole Company, though merely Strangers to us, and shall prefer some and condemn others, right or wrong, because Our (may be deceiving) Sight hath imprinted Characters in us to their favour or prejudice.  
Two, though never so estranged to us, can hardly contend either in Fight or Play, but that we shall be factious in our wishes and fancies for the one rather than the other: and amidst a throng of such we never saw before, our Eye will fix on and mark out some one or other, as a more  Object of Friendship then all there besides.  
When we have gone thus fare, we cannot be so much wanting to our own satisfaction as not to experiment by innocent arts and applications whether we are deceived in our Judgement of that Person: and if we are, the comfort is the Error is not fatal; for no Reflections of unkindness, or rather estrangement from one for whom we have only harboured an extraordinary good opinion, without a progress to mutual endearments, will proceed to Heart-breaking and die for Love.  
The first experimental applications in order to this discovery are, Observation of the Inclinations of such person, and practical compliances with them as much as is possible, particular addresses of the Eyc and Discourse to that person, unsatisfactoriness in other company where that may be had, and a greedy catching at Opportunities of doing Civilities of such a Nature as flow not from Principles of mere Civility; all which if received as meant, will not be long without very sensible Returns, such as ourselves could wish.  
But if the Eye be tinctured with selfishness, and these common Organs of Election vitiated and indisposed by some such ill predominant humour, if either an extraordinary Morosity of Nature, want of Natural affection, Pride, and Self-conceitedness, or in a word any vicious and contrariant Habit to the Piety and Innocency of Friendship, makes our sight perfectly useless to the Settlement of our Judgement concerning the aptitude of any one to the Relation we are speaking of, it is a very impertinent labour to design other Rules for his guidance, since till those impediments be removed and his Eyesight cleared, he is incapable of being a Friend.  
Now since Nature as well as Manners hath some contradictions to Friendship, and those not so easily removable neither, (for, by the way, though all men do naturally appetite Friendship, they are not capable of the perfection of it, and yet to satisfy their natural necessities of it, they must have somewhat like, or instead of it) we have the more Reason to proceed leisurely and with deliberation ourselves in a thing of so great concernment as the choosing a Friend, and retard the Election of those of a more tender age (within our verge) who are not yet arrived at Discretion to make Judgement of their own Nature, much less of another's.  
And though we could possibly afford them some help in deciphering the Nature of their Compeers, that being as legible, to a considering and that-wayintelligent Person, in a small Print, even Childhood, as a fairer Letter: Yet their Manners depending commonly upon imbibed Principles, and always upon Custom and Practice (whereby now and then they are swayed against their Principles) it cannot be safe to enter into so strict an Union, which invoules them in the same courses, till they have given Evidences of a life seasoned with so much Religion and Morality together as will not in probability miscarry.  
'Tis true, our Younger years are not capable of the Seriousness and Solidities of Friendship; but notwithstanding that they are very apt for the contracting Habitual Inclinations to the constant companions of our Converse, and those not so easily eradicated afterwards, when there appears just cause to wish they never had footing or Plantation.  
Some are so severe, they will not allow the Bonds of Friendship to be entered into before those of Matrimony: for this being the Critical change (or if you will, beginning) of our life, and the Espousal of new Interests, perhaps they may be such as are prejudicial to, or inconsistent with our former friendships; which will beget a strange and bitter conflict in the Soul, wherein which Side soever gets the better, the Man is miserable and unfortunate, and hath no cause to triumph for the Victory. For indeed in Civil wars of old, the Romans never allowed the Conqueror to ride in Triumph. Therefore the severity is very safe and useful, especially if exercised by one over himself: for so long he is free and happy, while his Passions are in his own Subjection and Awe, and no bodies else.  
But then He who is arrived at this Empire over himself, is not so easily engaged in Marriage opposite to and destructive of his Friendship, and hath Prudence enough to reconcile those seeming or (if real) ill-grounded Oppositions. For it is the Disease and Corruption of our Natures that animates these contrary Interests, and seeks to give Feuds a greater duration than Amity's. And yet we find this disease very catching.  
For very seldom do we find Friendliness descend in a Blood. The next generations and descents may, for the freshness of the Example, and Speech of People, keep in reasonable good Intelligence; but at the second or third descent they look upon themselves like Cosin-Germans so many times removed: and as they by a popular error believe themselves incapable of Intermarriage, which in a nearer Degree they hold lawful; so these are, or at least commonly act in relation to the continuance of the old, or contracting of new Friendships.  
Nay, what is more unpardonable than all this, you shall sometimes see the surviving Friend wholly unconcerned in the Relations of him deceased, at least too-too-forgetfull of the precious Relics of his Friend. But where that happens, it shows clearly, if either of them did love really, who loved best; a Controversy (and the only one) irreconcilable 'twixt the Persons themselves while alive.  
And would we had no Examples of this kind in our own observation. But the saddest one I ever met in return of the Noblest and dearest Friendship, was that of David towards Mephibosheth. A Pickthank malicious Informer, upon no colour of truth, accuses him to David: He, without further examination, gives this informer Ziba his Estate; and afterwards, though convinced of the Innocency of Mephibosheth, would notwithstanding only restore him half his Estate. Have I not said it (says David) Thou and Ziba divide the land? Yea (says Mephibosheth) Let him take it all, seeing my Lord the King is returned in peace. Surely Jonathans' son deserved better usage from David, if but for Jonathans' sake: and I am persuaded, if the Scales had been turned, Jonathan would not have used a son of David's so: and therefore I shall never question which of them two loved best; no more than I shall who wept most at their last parting, save that the Scripture is positive in this, that David exceeded, and Reason evinces that Jonathan did so in the clearness of his Friendship.  
On the other side, if we once conceive ourselves injured, and thereupon entertain high Animosities, we will take special care to entail them, and most commonly do it with that advantage, that our Posterity will preserve this more precious part of their Inheritance to go in Succession, though they leave nothing else of their estate; as if like Mordecay's, an affront (and that possibly of our own making or interpretation) were irreparable without the extinguishment not of the Person alone whence the Fire first kindled, but the very Eradication of his Name and Race: So much apt are we through the Depravation of Nature and Morality, rather to revenge ill turns, then acknowledge good ones.  
Eminent examples of these hereditary Feuds there be in all Nations, especially Foreign; but so few of real and solid friendship, that it will be the less wonder to find Persons that have spent many years in Travel, and amongst such as live rather by Rules of Policy than Honesty, (though that be the best) and such are the major part, seldom (if ever) contract more than superficial and formal Friendships: unless it be with some continued partner of his Travels, whom the Circumstances of mutual kindnesses and uniting dangers, have firmly endeared and knit together; or except it was entered into before his flying abroad, and kept alive there by a continued correspondence.  
The two usual Residences of those who do not so much ride abroad, as inhabit, are France and Italy: in one of which the reigning Humour is Levity, in the other Jealousy; either of which possessing a Soul makes it inhabitable by a clear and sublime Friendship.  
Now some Fathers are so over-politick, that though they know this, or rather, because they know this, commend those they design for the Support of their Name to be Principled there, and are very glad to see them suck in and hug dark and pernicious Axioms of Dissimulation, and sacrificing all to Interest. They please themselves strangely to find their hopeful Posterity count a Good-natured Man and a Fool the same thing under various expresssion; to say of Friendship as of Plaindealing, that it is a Jewel, but who uses it shall die a Beggar. A number there are of Maxims to this effect, which whether borrowed from Machiavil or Ignatius is not much material: but let not Friendship hear the worse for these clamours, especially since the same Persons, and upon the same slender account say the selfsame things of Religion.  
But as no body ever spoke against Religion but they that had none, and therefore endeavour to confute it by Votes rather than Arguments; so 'tis of Friendship too. But while men speak against what they understand not, the greatest Nonplus they can put their Auditors to is, to resolve whether these Detractours have more Ignorance or Impudence.  
A good wit that had leisure enough, might without Force extend the Parallel 'twixt Religion and Friendship very fare. Certainly there is a very near resemblance betwixt them: They grow and thrive best in the same soil: They have the same Enemies; the same weeds choke them.  
We make a just account that all Vice is destructive of Friendship, for the Progression of Vice is infinite, and the Multiplication like that of Hydra's heads, or the Covetous man's desires, they have not bound nor Dam; and therefore if we could allow some one Vice compatible with this sacred Amity, yet ere long that Vice would have got company, that Devil seven more, and they worse than himself: For even the Devil loves not to be alone; and therefore the old Adage which says the Solitary Man that loves to be alone is either a God or a Devil, is not to be literally strained, for it was never meant farther than to show such Persons are extraordinary, either good, or bad. And so by this Catenation of Vices, some one link of the chain would be found confessedly too heavy for Friendship to bear.  
I do not say a Friend must not sin, much less cannot; that were to confess there could be no Friendship here on Earth, for I am sure there cannot be any Condition of man exempt from sin. But there is a vast difference 'twixt a Sin and a Vice, at least I would be understood so now. Every going less than our Duty is a Sin: but by Vice I intent some chosen approved darling Habit of doing wickedly, which we indulge to ourselves. And this, let it be of what kind you please, quite incapacitates the soul for Friendship, because it hath seated this Vice in a higher Place and a dearer affection, than it reserves for the Friend; and consequently on a necessity of parting with one of the two, would shake hands with the Friend and retain the Vice.  
'Twere extremely tedious to run over all the Vices, and show how they were particularly exclusory of Friendship, since their Priority in our affection (if there were no other) is evidence enough. But let us cast our eyes upon two or three of them that have the mildest Names, & either for their Customariness in most places, or connaturalness with many Tempers, seem to claim a little more connivance or Indulgence; and when we have found these upon Trial to have no Right at all to Friendship, we conclude safely against all others which have only the same or (it may be) more weak Title.  
I will instance in Lust or Wantonness, Drunkenness, and Covetousness; which their favourers call A Trick of youth, Good-fellowship, and Thrift.  
For the first; Did not the satisfying of Curius his Lust cost him the lives of his dearest and Sacramentally-combined Partners, while his prostitute Fulvia sucks from him the deep Secret of Catiline's conspiracy? And after so solemn a Consignation of Secrecy 'twixt the Conspirators, can we believe he that would expose them, would if they had been the most dear Friends have been more continent? Nay did not Samson betray that Secret to Dalilah (after he had reason enough to guess for what end she was so inquisitive) that cost him his life? and can we imagine, He that could not continue his own friend, should have conquered and withstood the same Temptations for the Preservation of another? And to leave examples, hath not the Apocrypha, (Canonical enough in this particular) given us a large Musterroll of the Forces of Women?  
For Drunkenness (give it as good words as they please) is it not a confessed betrayer of Secrets, and consequently of Friendship? Did not Alexander in his drink stab one of most esteem with him? Drunkenness does the same thing every day, it kills the Friend though not the Man, destroys the relation though not the Person: in a word, an habitual drunkard though he was once my Friend, cannot be so when he is drunk, because he is no longer himself.  
Thirdly, the Covetous man that makes money his God, will Sacrifice his dearest friend Religiously to it. Tell him he hath dealt dishonourably with his Friend, Hang honour (says he) Give me twelve pence. Tell him he hath basely sold his Friend, he will reply, I got five hundred pound by it, and would I could sell all the friends I have at that Rate. These pithy Sentences are too true and Modern. But what Fruits of Friendship can be expected from the Root of all Evil?  
That Religion then and Friendship have the same Enemies I take for granted, from the past instances and genuine Consequences of them; and so have they the same Friends and Interests; They are like Hypocrates Twins, they live and die together. I need not stretch the Parallel any farther; This is more then enough to justify Friendship against the loudest Calumny, and take off part of the wonder (if it be one) to find so loud clamouring against that and Religion.  
But to give a clear account why the best things are used so ill, we are to consider, That the greatest part of the World are Strangers to Piety (not to say Enemies) and consequently to Friendship. He that is an underminer of the Foundation must of necessity ruin the Superstructure. Now Religion is the best Groundwork and Foundation imaginable, whereupon to build a dear and most firm Friendship: for how is it possible He should not be admirable in the love and endearing of his friends, who hath learned of a Master that hath taught him to love his enemies?  
But this is not all: 'Tis not the Open enemies of Friendship and Religion that have brought them into Question and Contempt, but the pretended Professors, through whose sides they are wounded. It hath been the ill Logic of many ages, and we have had sad Examples of it in this Nation, to transfer the Crimes of Persons upon the function, place, office, and calling; from hence it is that all the Accusations against Bishops and Kings are urged to the abolition of Episcopacy and Monarchy. Now though this be a very irrational way of argument, yet when made use of against Friendship and Religion it is fare more absurd: For those men upon whose account Episcopacy and Monarchy are condemned, are really Bishops and Kings; but they through whose default Friendship and Religion are calumniated, are neither Religious nor Friends, but only Hypocritical Pretenders.  
At the beginning of our Combustions here, when the main Argument of all companies was the Lawfulness or Unlawfulness of raising Arms against the King, I happened to be in company where a Grecian Patriarch of Constantinople urged severely (as being moved with indignation at the example of Subjects taking Arms against their King) the Apology of Bishop Jewel for the Church of England, wherein in the Name of the Church he teaches other Doctrine, which notwithstanding this Foreigner could by no means be persuaded to credit as a received professed Protestant Doctrine, against such a Cloud of witnesses as were in Arms against it. The only answer a Protestant Divine gave him was, Those you talk of in Arms are none of our Church, we disclaim them. Truly the selfsame answer we may justly give concerning them whose Scandalous Courses bespatter things so Sacred as Religion and Friendship.  
'Tis high time, as I take it, to put an end now to this tedious— what shall I call it? I have scribbled much more than I promised, intended, or thought possible for me. You are too ingenious to object my promise of treating of the Benefits and Uses of Friendship, as an obliging argument for my protraction of this, which must have more than tired you ere now: for you cannot but have collected all I can hint on that account, from what is already past your view. I would not willingly come to repetition of them, since it must of necessity be irksome to you, whose own observation hath collected more particulars of that kind than I have or can express. But yet upon the same score all this might have been spared. For you want no knowledge of what Friendship is, nor any allurements to it. If I were to recapitulate all the Motives proper for persuasion of those who yet understand not what this Friendship is, I should be Voluminous. But yet since the Design itself of courting men into a good opinion of Friendship is in itself so Noble, and people have so awkward Imaginations of it, that all the art of the most powerful Pen is little enough to win their attention, and reconcile them to their own true Interest, for Friendship is so, when it is rightly understood; I will offer somewhat as a Motive to our embracing it: which shall not be any painting or artificial Dress, but it's own Native Beauty and Lustre; which will appear best in the inquiry into its Use and Benefit, that being the touchstone which makes it pass for currant or not.  
The Benefits, Advantages, and Comforts that flow from Friendship are as many, nay more than flow from Life itself. Life is a burden to many for want of a Friend; but a Friend was never, never can be a Burden to any, and who thinks otherwise never knew what Friendship was.  
I had almost said a Man never lives, truly lives, till he has a Friend; and if I had, those who are Friends would believe me, so improved a way of living is that of Friendship; those who are not will, when they come to be so happy.  
Friendship does the same thing to the whole Man that the Rational Soul does to the imperfect Embryo: as that adds a higher and more sublime life to what had only Vegetation and Sense before, so does this to that.  
There is not any Condition of our life that either does not receive, or at least is not capable of receiving a vast Support and Comfort from Friendship. The saddest condition imaginable, when thy Patience as well as Strength fails thee, and thy Grief carries a weight with it able to sink thee to the Centre of the Earth, and crush thee to Nothing, may be supported by the assistant Arm of a Friend. And the best Condition thou canst fancy to thyself here, unless thou hast friends, falls and dies and perishes in a moment. For thy Gladness, like the Shunamites oil, increases still and never stops, while thou hast a Vessel, a Friend, to pour it into. And is not this more than enough to recommend Friendship to us, to find it capable of abating our Grief, and increasing our Joy?  
Nor does the common Objection against Friends, of disparity of Condition, invalidate this Benefit of Friendship: For that wealth and imaginary Honour wherein so many pride themselves, are transitory, and may perish; a Friend cannot, and therefore is fare the more considerable Treasury: Nay the very wealth and honour itself is hardly preserved without a Friend. Now he that after that Pomp which made him deem all Persons below his Friendship, shall fall into a Condition of Poverty as eminent in its kind as his former Splendour, and the more pointed at for that Splendour; hath nothing left in Art or Nature to make his Condition tolerable, and becomes insufferably Ridiculous. Even his being humbled will ten to one be without either the pleasure or rewards of Humility; for it is rare if it prove so to such Spirits, so much difference is there 'twixt being humble and humbled, Humility and Humiliation.  
I remember Aesop tells us of an Ass, that being overburthen'd with his Master's Carriage, desired a Horse, his fellow-servant and led leer by him, to ease him by bearing a Part: but the Horse was too proud, and so refused. What follows? The Ass dies under the Oppression, and so the whole load devolves to the Horses back. The Fable moralizes itself. Many prepare heavy and insupportable burdens for themselves by being Brutish, unsociable, and uncommunicative.  
I but (says my politic Objectour) is this your Rhetoric and art of persuasion towards Friendship, to make men carry Burdens? This is not to make us Friends, but Porters. I answer, it is fare otherwise: For had the Horse been the Ass' friend, he had proved his own too, and by parting the load made it none; For Burdens, like Rivers, divided lose their Name.  
Friendship is very fare from being oppressive in any of its Offices; for that cannot be a Burden which is neither thought so nor felt so: and were it possible for me to receive one from my Friend, his Caution to preserve me from it would make my own needless. I have known very ingenious arts practised by Friends in conferring (on one part) and declining (on the other) Civilities, which the receiving hand hath imagined oppressive to the giving: But that is rare. Yet where a Friendship doth grow so boundless that it shall be thought to want limits, those limits must be of thy Friends setting, not thy own.  
I could (to save myself more pain) very contentedly believe I have by this time (taking what's scattered in the former Pages into consideration, together with this last supply) given considerations enough to render Friendship , without the addition of any more. But one more will necessarily fall into our Examination, by a short inquiry into what may fit us for Friendship, as friendship is fit for us (unless the fault be ours) and that is Religion, the having or wanting whereof is the main Hinge upon which our Friendship is turned.  
All Souls are Equal; and unless they have taken up ill & contrary Principles either from ill Education, or an unlucky Temper and composition of their respective Bodies, whose Temperament they follow, so would our Dispositions be too all Equal and very like. But let the Assimilation hold in as many particulars as you can fancy, if they differ in Piety (not in degrees, but the whole) there is a dissimilitude irreconcilable by Friendship.  
I am told in Architecture that Lime and Timber are so unsociable, that the Beams of that House which are laid in Mortar will be by it corroded and burnt up, to the destruction of the Fabric, and the worse this mortar is tempered the sooner. Now a Man without Piety and Religion is this untempered Mortar, and will certainly eat out the heart of that Friendship you thought firmly built upon him.  
If you desire therefore to have a Friend, learn first to be Religious. 'Tis not any fantastical imaginary Greatness and disproportion of Condition can make the inferior Person useless as a Friend: You have heard of the Lion in the Fable that was delivered from the Net and Death by the little Mouse; and no man differs so much from another; or if you can think they may, yet you have heard of a Poor Woman, who by her wisdom delivered a great City from as great a danger. 'Tis only the want of Religion, which makes either us incapable of others Friendships, or them of ours: For this flatuous tumorous humour which makes us too big to be grasped by a Friend, and all other contrariant tempers to Friendship will be mortified by Religion.  
I must not go on here, lest I send a Homily instead of a Letter. All I shall add is this; Let us all labour to get this necessary Foundation, Cement, and All of Religion, and then we are not only  if we want Friends, but have this Comfort and Suppletory and Cordial left us, when those whom we chose for friends have through their own Vanity and Impiety forsaken us, that God is, and while we be Religious, will be our Friend.  
To that Almighty Friend, I recommend you, who have a Soul so exactly built up for an Eternal and Glorious Friendship, that I cannot want any of the happinesses I have described here, and wish you (though the wish be needless) eternally Partaker of, while I have the honour and advantage of being  
Octob. 30. 1653. Your Friend (all Epithets are needless and go less) PALAEMON.