A DISCOURSE OF Friendship.  
By E. G. Gent.  
LONDON, Printed by J. B. for the Author, and are to be sold by Thomas Fabian at the sign of the Bible in St. Paul's Churchyard, a Corner Shop next Cheapside, 1676.   

To the Honourable The Lady SARAH COOPER.  
Madam,  
IT may be thought a presumption in me to affix your Name to the ensuing Leaves; I assure you (Madam) it was not their merit but you candour that induced me to make such an attempt, which also created in me a more than ordinary confidence and belief that you would overlook all those defects occasioned by the unskilfulness of the Author, with a charitable allowance: you cannot expect from the ensuing discourse, that excellency and sublimity the subject requires; it neither suits with my ability nor design, to send into the world a splendid Peice of Oratory: Truth was what I aimed at, which, though naked, will never shame its Master; and experience hath furnished me with arguments not wholly contemptible in this regard: and these must take place before any acquired accommodation, where the advancement of truth is the ultimate end: there needs no pompous words to usher in this subject: it carries so much worth and excellency in the nature of it as is enough to commend it without those trivial accomplishments; if nothing but blandishments should demonstrate the value and esteem we have for truth and virtue, they would want their most affectionate advocates; but Madam, as Clouds and darker colours serve to set off those which are beautiful and glorious, in this sense my poor endeavours may be of some use to your Ladyship, and as a foil set off and commend your more curious notions: many persons of learning and Ingenuity have offered at this subject, but it hath been so generally considered by them, that they have come short of that satisfaction which might justly be expected from so solid and useful an undertaking as that of Friendship; neither have I taken upon me the task and exactness of a Casuist, in curiously anatomising even the most hidden and smallest particulars reducible to each head; I have only drawn out the fairest and plainest lines, leaving the more artificial discoveries to them of greater parts and learning, who I heartily entreat to lend their assistance to this great affair; if they would from hence conclude a call, to draw this blotted copy fair, and throughly effect what I would gladly have done, and wish it were not above my reach, I mean (Madam) a solid satisfaction in so material and useful a concern as this is, I should think this adventure no great crime: but I have been too tedious, give me leave to add, that the Author wisheth to your Ladyship in the perfection of it what the work describes, and am,  
Madam, Your most humble and faithful Servant, E. G.   

The PREFACE To the READER.  
THe Subject I am upon was never more necessary and seasonable then in these unhappy times wherein we live, where we find men generally so vicious that virtue is almost extirpate, and not a few become so monstrously brutish, that no philosophy can sweeten and allay their extreme bitterness, and so flinty are their tempers, that love, that tender and delicate plant, can have no rooting among them; but that which is most to be lamented is, that persons of a softer mould, and pliant, and yieldable enough to love and friendship, are forestalled by other objects, and so averted, that they do not think it worth their while to study and acquaint themselves with this great affair: if any thing I have done could be so successful as to prevail with them to consult the reason, conveniency, and excellency of this great concern, and weigh things in the balance of right reason; I dare say the balance would incline another way than it doth with them now: I do not fear that any person though never so envious should upon the first glance of this book take upon him to prejudge it, but rather expect the Title Page should prove a powerful motive to induce and incline the Reader to a further search into the nature of that subject, that hath so splendid an aspect: yet I do not expect to pass this Discourse through a vicious world and various tempers, without some reflections; the vain and vicious will be apt to quarrel at the confinement they will find to their unlimited fancies and humour; the Critic will say, it is too trivially managed to please their curiosity, they can neither find elegancy of stile, nor the advantage of History, which they will affirm are usually the most proper and principal parts of such an undertaking as this is, the subject in the nature of it is so rich, that it needs no varaish to set it off, the reward and pleasure which attends it is enough to commend it without compliment; and indeed I designedly omitted quotations, not that I slighted History, but partly because I intended only to give my own particular notion of Friendship, as also what I had collected from my own experience and observation; and partly that I might leave sufficient encouragement to persons of more leisure and ability to enter upon this subject, and add that part which is not only most material for illustration and confirmation, but the most delightful part of the whole concern; I mean in relation to the composure of it, because as the experience of others is greatly confirming to the subject, so it is no less pleasing to the Author, who is never better satisfied then when the truths he asserts come attended with a cloud of witnesses; beside the Author of this present book may receive no small advantage, because hereby those errors may be corrected which unavoidably attend so unskilful an Undertaker: But not to detain or carry the Reader any further from my intended Subject, I shall leave him with with this assurance that I am his,  
In the Service of Truth, E G.   

A DISCOURSE OF FRIENDSHIP.  
THe subject of the ensuing Discourse is of that excellency and importance, that it deserves our diligence in the enquiring into the nature of it; it is the great Mystery of Friendship which contains in it things worthy, weighty and exceeding necessary both for the pleasure of the sensitive and rational appetite: men are tired in the chase of satisfaction from one thing to another, still pursuing those shadows that cannot be brought nearer, and the reason is, that in the humane nature there is an intense and continual desire of pleasure, without which life itself hath no satisfaction; for life consisting in the operations of the soul, either the external of the senses, or the internal of the mind, it is sweetened by those delights that are suitable to them: the subject I am upon bids fairest for a temporal satisfaction; as having in itself those excellent accomplishments which are the intermedial steps by which we climb and get within reach of it: Philosophers in their vast inquiries into natural things were never so busy wholly to decline this moral concern, and in the conclusion when they made up their experiments, they never reckoned those they found in the way of friendshp inferior or less considerable than those that were bound up in natural causes; for beside the conveniency they find in this relation for the use and improvements of their natural acquirements, they arrive at more true and solid contentment: men in tracing effects to their causes, as they find pleasure, so they find labour, and many disappointments, their knowledge not seldom proving the fruit of anxious inquiries, which mightily abates their content, and often they take up with little things they find in their way, while they still remain short of the end they design; but Friendship, as it hath not such cragged and obscure ways, so it hath more certain and direct ends: men do not in this concern like foolish Chemists, who melt a great part of their estate in vain in expectation of the great Elixir, such have riches and treasures in notion and fancy, little in possession; but it is quite contrary here; Friends have least in notion, most in possession; when they attain this generous state, they find a real enjoyment of what they thirsted after; we do not value things only for their intrinsic beauty, but that which raiseth the value, is the accommodation they have in them to our satisfaction, that is the more desirable part: now as there is nothing in all the creation so good as man, so there is nothing so suitable to the nature of man, as man himself; and that is the reason ingenious men find so much content among themselves; and this cannot but advance their content exceedingly, the symmetry and proportion men have in their natures and dispositions is the greatest content: satisfaction is derived from similitude, if this be wanting, however things may appear, they are really unpleasant and ungrateful; like a garment that is too lose, or too strait, however it may please and humour pride, it will not content the person, because it wants proportion to that part to which it was assigned. Friend's acts many parts in this relation, and all tend to profit and the pleasure of each other; sometimes they act high, and then they advance the pleasure of the mind by communicating knowledge and experience superior and consonant to the intelligent nature, other times they act so as to gratify senses, which is both necessary and convenient, if a due observation and subordination be allowed to the rational faculties, and so equal satisfaction according to the several objects is obtained: these and many other inviting properties you will find in this concern, if you please to enter with me into the nature of it. But some persons are averse to all virtue, and consequently to this concern, others through inadvertency wave and neglect the pursuit of it from a supposed incapacity in themselves, or the difficulty that lies in their way to the obtaining of it; this proceeds either from ignorance and unacquantance with this concern, or from a careless and unconcerned temper; the first should rather animate, and quicken then obstruct and impede, because nothing is more incident to the nature of men, then to prise those things most that are scarce and rare, those of an easy and cheap descent bege● contempt: Friendship is not less considerable, because it is like the sun in its clearness, which though less approachable is most glorious; others they cannot admit of any diversion from their secular affairs, so as to study this concern, they like the notion of it, and will commend it, but it is at a distance, according to the outward lustre not inward beauty, they fancy it, like children that admire the gladning rays of the sun that shines in their faces, without the least consideration of the utility and excellency of it; if these would make a true estimate of this material concern, it would swallow up the vanity of those inferior things in which men take such complacency, and so elevate them, that no unworthy or abject end should sway their more noble part, which is the soul, and so enlarge and sublimate their minds, that nothing repugnant to its more direct dictates should be allowed: would we take a view of this concern, we may inform ourselves by looking into the superior schools and Academies, where we see men of all tempers, some masters of their reason, others mastered by sensuality; amongst the first we find the most perfect friendship which seems to be made, not so much for pleasure as utility, profit being first in their eye, that this design may not be looked upon as speculative only, & so be received with suspicion as things not common to vulgar capacities are, till some experiment be made of them: I shall endeavour in a plain and familiar method to submit the argument I am upon to every man's reason and experience: I shall not refer to remote Instances of this kind, though I am not ignorant they would amplify and illustrate the concern, but confine myself to my own Observation and Experience: And because a regular proceeding herein will be best understood, I shall cast what I have to say into this Method.  
First, show what Friendship is here meant, and the Import of it.  
Secondly, The subjects fit for it both for number and qualities.  
Thirdly, What qualifications are necessary.  
Fourthly, The great ends aimed at in that relation.  
Fifthly, The pleasantness to be found in the state of Friendship.  
Sixthly, How Friends are to govern themselves in this relation of Friendship.  
Seventhly, The Conclusion by way of commendation.  
First, What Friendship is here meant comes first to be considered.  
There are Four kinds of Friendship, and these all derive from different causes, and produce different effects.  
First, There is a Christian Friendship.  
Secondly, A common and universal Friendship.  
Thirdly, A relative Friendship.  
Fourthly, A moral Friendship.  
First, Of the Christian Friendship: I shall not say any thing to this, but that it is the most excellent, sweet and durable Friendship, and most to be ambitioned and desired.  
Secondly, there is a common Friendship which we have with all the world as our fellow creatures, and this is more or less according to our interest in them, or their merit and desert; this is the measure of this Friendship; the rule that we go by is the benefit & advantage we expect, & the accommodation that it hath in it to our safety and tranquillity, and other such like ends; or from charity which we are morally disposed to as rational creatures: Friendship take it how you will, is very desirable; consider it under this consideration as it is expatiated, or in a moral sense where it is confined, in all respects it is eminent: this common Friendship is as general an advantage as the sun, for as the sun influences and enlightens the world, so Friendship preserves a world for that light and influence: were it not for this binding and regulating concern, men like beasts would devour one another, every man naturally ambitioning rule and hating subjection: were it not for this confinement that hath an universal influence upon all persons and transactions, what tyranny would reign in the Courts of Princes? what rebellion among subjects? by this binding concern Princes are made almost unlimitable, and subjects most free: it is the undissembled affection of Princes upon which the freedom and happiness of the people are firmly planted: Friendship, is that which secures Families, otherwise all things would be in confusion there; Brethren like Cain would rise up one against another, and a man's enemies be them of his own house: besides this, the prejudice would yet go higher, and all men must stand as in Nehemiahs' time, with their weapons in one hand, and work in the other: since the progeny of Adam is increased to a vast society and numerous issue, all manner of disasters, as Famine, Pestilence, Deluge, Fire, Wild Beasts, have not been so destructive of man as man himself, which was occasioned by this want of Friendship.  
Thlrdly, There is a Friendship among Relations, as that between Father and son, Husband and Wife, and Brethren, these Relations make Friendships, and such as must not give place to any other; and this proceeds from natural principles, which obliges to duty and Obligations not to be violated; of which I shall speak more in another place.  
Fourthly, There is a Friendship that is grounded purely upon moral Principles, and for distinction we call it a moral Friendship: here is no Obligation preceding, as in that of relation, but every man is left to his free choice and election, and is governed by prudential and moral suasion; a Father beside his own inclination is bound to love his son, the law of nature binds him to it, and a son his Father in like manner; but no man is bound to love any person with a complacential love, nor can he do it, except such an one that he can find upon prudent considerations agreeable to his reason and fancy, these are the most proper and powerful motives to excite the affections: Friendship is equal in itself to all the world, and hath no difference, but is differenced by accidents, and by the capacities or incapacities of them that receive it; charity commands us not to be enemies to any, and reason and prudence directs us to be most friendly to them that are most useful and deserving: if we have reason to love many, we have much more reason to love some more than others; and if my affection be according to reason, I must love most where I see most reason: this moral friendship as it flows from the most generous principles so it produceth the most desirable effects; we may make an estimate of it by its causes and effects, sor its causes it derives either from a native candour and generofity of mind, or from a noble and ingenious education, or something jointly from both▪ these seem as good originals as any thing merely moral can proceed from; and hence it is that we find those of great minds and extraction most obliging; whereas those of abject births and spirits are of a quite differing nature; this first are governed by reason which is still the same, and will act equally and consonant to itself, excluding an arbitrary will; for he that doth things this moment because he will, may the next have as weighty arguments to do some contrary, and so spend his whole time in unravelling his spider's webs, still lying under the lash of the superior faculties, which will be constantly following him with grating reflections, who resist its more direct admonitions, numerous are the effects that proceed▪ from this cause: I shall point at two or three briefly.  
First, men are hereby made so like God, that nothing can more assimilate man to God, love being a supreme attribute of the unchangeable being, & prepares and enables us to a conformiry, to the Divine Law.  
Secondly, Friendship calls home our wand'ring fancy, that haply may range after a thousand vanities, which may allure the affections, but can never satisfy them, and contracts them to objects that are solid and excellent: all men naturally afpire after happiness, but few find it, because they either mistake the way or the end; some place it in wisdom, some in honour, others in riches, taking up with something short of the great end; there is more satisfaction to be had in a faithful serious friend then in all sublunary things; nothing can reach our content, but that which can rationally engage the affections, and this cannot be done by riches, humane reason or pleasure: we may add, the most binding relations and the most powerful obligations that pleasure can invent, not any of these nor all together can do it, and that because there is not worth enough in them to attract the heart and affections, nor weight enough in them to satisfy reason, nor power to lay any restraint upon exorbitant passions & unlimited fancies, but friendship can do all this: there is love to attract, nothing so attractive as love itself: it comes always attended with the lucre of reward and pleasure: and hcreby it insinuates itself and lays constraints and limitations upon the person insensibly without force or violence, and so makes an absolute conquest.  
Thirdly, Friendship is exemplary virtue, and carries in its front the clearest conviction of vice: Philosophers were of opinion that no true love could be amongst any but ingenious men: persons that are vicious cannot build their wood, hay and stubble upon so solid a foundation as that of friendship, yet this concern hath such credit with the worst of men, that it hath not wanted advocates among its greatest enemies, which though they have been never so vicious and industrious to defame virtue and condemn it as men do the light, because their weak eyes cannot receive the lustre of it, yet they judge it most amicable, and they can bestow praises upon virtuous men, and commend the radency of that state they employ their utmost power to circumvent and destroy: they can as well hold a Lion in a twine thread as confine their unruly passions, and grasp the air as give check to one lust: these are the unhappy subjects of those skilful Artificers that vitiate men in their persons to corrupt their principles, and when all hopes of virtue is lost, they will easily be persuaded into all the infelicity of a contrary state: these are so deeply plunged in vice, that they are contented that the last should be raised upon the ruin of the first, and while they catch after the one with impetuous violence, they can tamely endure the other to be vilifyed and despised: whereas virtuous men can view them in their hurry and maze, though with pity to them, with satisfaction to themselves, while they with serenity and a calm mind can regulate their opinions, and confine a wand'ring fancy, and reduce things to their just value: and however this lose age, the dreg of times, may contemn things in themselves most deserving, magnifying an arbitrary will, and trampling upon all that oppose it, these look upon their Trophies as miserable that is built upon virtue and honour; as a clear day befriends us with more distinct prospect of distant objects, so when there is quietness within, than we can look about us, and see what excellencies invite the reason and affection: when vain men as a just reward of their sensuality are clouded; and it is not seldom, that melancholy, that black passion overspreads the mind like an Egyptian darkness, admitting no allay, but hurrying men blindefold into their own ruin: Let none think this a scheme of discourse, since there is nothing more common then to see men vitiate their principles as well as their duties, and be worse than their nature inclines them to: many evils are committed against the grain, and with violence to constitution: if the best sensuality be too trifling to maintain any proportion with virtue and honour, how far wide must they needs be that stand in competition with virtue; those that have such degenerate wills as that they can exchange liberty for licentiousness, have lost their freedom, and are contracted to low and base objects: I would gladly vindicate virtue, and make it illustrious, it is my design in this Discourse: there is but one way for the obtaining that end, and that is by making it as radiant as I can, that by the splendour of it men's eyes may be drawn off from worse objects; but some spirits are so disingenuous, that the most glorious rewards will not animate them, like brutes they are not concerned in all the happiness to be found above in the region of reason, but would relinquish or resign any portion there, so they may secure and enjoy husks and draught: these prodigally spend their time and treasure upon such trifles that will reward them with poverty and vexation, the certain reward and portion of those that are not capable of more generous resentments; but it is time to take leave of this digression, and come to the point.  
The next thing that comes under our consideration, is, what a Moral Friendship imports: It imports the closest union, the most generous contract, thc sweetest communion, the strongest resolutions between persons that study nothing more than the satisfaction one of another in all things both divine and humane.  
I purpose not to speak to every individual part of this Proposition, that would take up more time than I have designed for this undertaking, and swell this little Tract to a volume; as also because I shall occasionally take them all in the Discourse that sollows, I shall only at present explain my meaning in a general way, and so proceed: By Union I mean a union of hearts, which is most exeellent as to its original and effects; it hath a higher cause, and derives from the most noble spring, and its consequents are proportionate: It is natural to every production to bear symmetry and proportion to that which produceth it; from this heart-union springs the most complacential communion and fellowship: Friendship is love and society mixed together, which make it most delightful in this sociable state; men do not only meet with useful diver●isements, the want of which is the great spring of mischief, but they find ingenious advertisements consonant to the intelligent nature, together with an entire affection, which is the ax●s upon which this great concern turns, seconded with generosity it's most constant and grateful attendant; as also a fixed resolution which makes the wheel, though always turning, never uncertain: By how much the more free any thing is, by so much the more lasting and durable fixedness twists all the other requisites; so that they bind more strongly; and this makes the union so ●ntire, that friends have the same interest, the same choice, and in a sense they communicate and exchange properties, and there is but one soul between them: Friendship is a tree loaden with precious fruit, well rooted & never decaying, no warmth is at its root; it is not like Jonas' gourd that came up in a night, and perished in a night; Friendship thus fixed is unmoveable to all the effects of contrary motives.  
Thirdly, the subjects fit for this moral Friendship comes next to be considered, and we mus● consider them,  

1. As to their Numbers.  
2. Their Acquaintance.  
3. Their Qualities.  
4. Their Equality.   
First, The number of persons; this must be heedfully regarded: Friendship strictly taken according to our method, excludes all persons above two, more the Law calls riots, and lov● calls Rivals and Competitors, which cannot be allowed in this concern, but with hazard to the foundation, which is built on union & integrity▪ besides the expectation of friends are so large and vast, that nothing but a full and ample possession is accounted any thing: I cannot divide my affection, and the heart remain entire, the hear● goes out in them, and necessarily is divided; and that is so diametrically contrary to the nature o● Friendship, that it is like the taking away of the Foundation, which draws the whole Fabric after it, or such a rent as must of necessity destroy the most essential props, after which it must inevitably moulder into its first nothing.  
Secondly, persons fit for this concern are no● strangers, as those are not fit at all that are strangers and unknown, so they are most fit that are best known in their natures and dispositions, an● hereby many inconveniencies are avoided; firs● disappointments that are always cross but cruel in love: prudence directs us to treat with persons at a distance before we take them into ou● bosom, lest our ignorant occasions, our vexation and trouble in case of disappointment, our hasty fixing upon some unequal object, as it ensnares the affection and betrays them, so it puts an undervalue upon the judgement: men that have made an unequal choice how many inconveniencies do they draw upon themselves, sometimes the head is distracted, and this is destructive of their peace and tranquillity: the head is filled with troublesome notions and contrivances, how it may handsomely manage a breath in that friendship that can neither rationally be continued nor credibly broken, that is a grating conviction that discovers errors in those things to which the heart is nearly united; how to unite that knot that cannot be loosed without many a piece of self-denial is not easily learned, because it cannot be done without grief and trouble: a separation from them we dearly love is very hard, though never so good reason appears for it, passion being violent, wilful and impetuous, easily seduced in the first choice, afterward hardly reclaimed: for as nothing is more easily surprised then the fancy, so nothing will be more hardly convinced of its error.  
Secondly, The lower appetite may be prejudiced by precipitancy, for the troubles of the mind hath a mighty influence upon the body, and they often torment one the other: the pains of the body proves no small detriment to the mind; sharp pains in the body so discomposeth the mind, that it's made unfit for its high & noble operations, so that it cannot perform its acts with that delight and freedom: Philosophers took a great deal of care speedily to cure all distempers of the body, that no obstruction thereby might impede the pursuit of knowledge: As the calmness of the mind mightily prepares for every serious action, so perturbation hath a quite contrary effect, and so distracts the mind that it proves the greatest prejudice imaginable, because we often lose our reason in that crowd which is the only expedient to prevail with us against any thing unnecessary or vexatious: This is a Maxim, that nothing serious can be done in haste; Friendship is a serious thing, and must be well weighed both in its substance and circumstances; These things are very material in order to a well-grounded friendship, that there be excellency in the mind, sweetness and affability in the disposition, and reality in the affection; if we cannot be satisfied in all these, we can expect to arrive at no better end than disappointment; now to acquaint ourselves with all these, will require no small diligence and observation, which will employ our most serious thoughts, and take up a considerable time: if a man be a servant to the meanest thing, upon which he placeth an inordinate affection, as indeed he is, than this should awaken all our powers to contemplate this concern; lest while we aim at pleasure we carelessly enslave ourselves: It is not notion but experience that fixeth content, as nothing can destroy our happiness but the experience of evil, so nothing can establish our satisfaction but the experience of good: there is as much deceit in men as there is in stones, men may insinuate themselves by specious pretences, yet gross deceivers; It is hard for a man that is blinded with pride or passion, or any other delusion, to understand himself; he is not seldom betrayed by himself, much less can he be understood by another: there are shining men as well as shining stones, otherwise that proverb had never been, All is not gold that glisters; we know many a stone hath the Diamond cut and colour, yet but a counterfeit, and when we think we have a treasure, it proves but a trifle: many men that through rashness and inconsideration fix their affection before experience had of the true value of the object, are plainly cheated, prodigally giving away their hearts without any assurance of suitable returns; and hence it comes to pass, that we see some friendship broken and shattered, and in a short time moulder and come to nothing; the Materials were deceitful; like a house that is slightly built, it appears strong and fair to the eye, but soon decays; the defect was in the foundation, which though lest seen is most dangerous.  
Thirdly, our too early fixing, as it insnareth the affection, so it condemns the judgement; many will think themselves concerned here, especially the most vicious, that are curious in nothing but in praying into and searching after the failings of others; such inquisitions being more natural & gratifying extravagant humours, who are most ready to censure what they least understand, and make causeless exceptions, which if rightly argued, they cannot answer one of a thousand. Friendship may be envied, it cannot be condemned, while it remains pure and entire, yet upon the least failer it is liable to the greatest reproach and scorn: When Hushai David's friend came to Absalon he was glad to see him, yet how ready doth he upbraid him, saying, Is this thy kindness to thy friend? Absalon was one of the worst of men, and the greatest traitor, but he hated treachery notwithstanding: few men so barbarous as to love deceit, hence that Proverb came, that men love the Treason but hate the Traitor.  
The greatest ground of condemnation is drawn from this, especially our inconsiderateness in the first choice and election, where we ought to have been most curious and circumspect, and this is aggravated by two ungrateful circumstances: First, this seems to be a fundamental error, and therefore most dangerous, and then it's obvious to vulgar inspection and observation; and this is a grating aggravation, and comes attended with exclamations, and often enforces a man to dissemble a kindness to a person he could never do upon any other account then this, that he might defend his judgement from censure, and the relation of friendship from scorn and contempt; nothing more contrary to an ingenious man then to own a kindness for him that once deceived him, especially in so material a concern as that of friendship, where he expected the contrary; yet prudence will not suffer him to deny him publicly: it's in this case as with him that hath bought a Jewel, which he thought most precious, but was cheated, that man will be ashamed to own the deceit, because thereby his ignorance is betrayed; and next to being deceived he hates to be upbraided; reputation is exposed to scandal in this case without remedy, which is equally dear to him as his life; what can he allege, should he say, I thought my friend was worthy, amiable and sincerely affectionate, but I was mistaken, what a contemptible plea is this? as much as if he should say, I was a novice and knew not how to make a right choice, or I was careless and would not take the pains; if ignorant, how can he be a complete Judge? by what rule can he assign errors on another when for aught he knows the fault is his own: nothing will sooner mislead than ignorance, if negligent worthy to suffer: To prevent this, be well acquainted with the person before you make this contract, prevention is better than cure, the more perfect knowledge a man hath of his friend, the greater is his love to his person, if he be worthy; then acquaint yourself with the law of friendship, love hath law as well as duty, and indispensable obligations, which if thrown off make unhappy breaches: It is necessary that there should be a principle of reason and choice in that person that is governed by this law; first, to consider the reason that enjoins, Secondly, to discern the import of the concern; Thirdly, how to determine itself out of judgement and choice to accept it as worthy in itself, and advantageous to the receiver: no external force can compel the will to choose any thing but under a notion of comparative goodness, as the inferior creatures are moved by the secret force of natural inclination, so rational creatures are wrought upon and insensibly drawn by moral engagements, as the foresight of rewards or threaten annexed invites them: Friendship cannot be without commands; if that be true, that the dispensing of benefits acquire to the giver a right to command, and lays on the receiver an obligation to obey, and these rights and obligations are measured by the nature of the benefit as their just rule: This is a Maxim, that every rational man readily assents to, no commands so pleasing as those of love: no duty so easy; because as the commands are easy without restraint, so they are equal without violence and oppression, which sweetly obliges to Obedience.  
Lastly, That we may be secured in so weighty a matter, and build the material concern upon firm bases, know this, that not only reason but religion is necessary as the most transcendent and pregnant argument to engage the will and affections, those that are learned in the work of righteousness are the most excellently qualified for this concern: I admit a Friendship may be made between persons merely moral; where there may be equality there may be amity, but it cannot be so sure and safe as the Christian Friendship, one being founded in heaven the other on earth; so that there is as much difference between them as between heaven and earth, and as their originals are unequal, so their objects and operations are unequal; reason cannot bear equal pace with religion, though it may arise high in respect of sense, yet it is very low compared with faith; I grant, that religion cannot make Friendship complete except rational accomplishments and natural requisites concur; as reason cannot convey grace, so religion cannot convey reason: many Idiots without question are pious, yet not in any case capable of Friendship, because there must be reason as well as religion to regulate things: that religion is not sufficient of itself to make Friendship, the case of Barnabas and Paul makes undeniable, who through dispute and difference did that which is against the nature of Friendship, they parted and probably never met again; we cannot think they were enemies, but certainly they were less friends; this must be granted, where the restraint in Friendship gins, there gins the imperfection of it; and without any question the moral Friendship was broken, only the Christian Friendship remained entire, we must needs run a mighty hazard in making alliances with persons impious: First, the devil will design a breach, either by planting in us some dividing principles, and afterward he will be as industrious to draw out these principles into dividing practices: sometimes God himself will design a breach, if God intent either party for himself, enmity will soon grow between them, there being a certain antipathy between the seed of the woman and the seed of the serpent: do not we see God curse the greatest comforts of the carnal men, and blast their fairest hopes, and nip their promising blossoms? but if there be truth in the inward parts, and piety bears the sway, the Friendship will be established: and because the best friendships may sometimes want pleasure, but never trouble, we had need be careful that we have an interest in him that can turn our waters of affliction into the wine of consolation.  
I come now to the Fourth thing, namely, the equality that must be in the persons of friends previous to this concern: and here we shall first examine the perfections of the mind, and then those inferior though necessary requisites to complete this equality: the persons must have in them that which will do these things, satisfy reason in a competent measure, ravish and attract the affection, and preserve harmony and agreement in all the transactions that relates to this concern: those that are untainted with prejudice, and by being so have their judgements clear and , consider seriously the happiness of this concern: Friendship is not guided by humour and fancy which hath much more sway among the vulgar than judgement and reason, and that makes them so uncertain, they can shuffle passions, and hate next hour, what just now they adored; but it is a grave and deliberate act of the understanding and will, whereby we come to a right estimate of things; the rational faculties, which are the understanding and will, if rightly guided, are not to be slightly satisfied; outward blandishments will not do it, it must be something that is really good, as that which is so fubtilly disguised under an appearance of good, that it cannot be discovered: things being thus prefented to the will, it closeth with them by a free and unconstrained choice, and the affections are inclined insensibly, virtue being the only ingratiating quality: for the better directing our inquisition, it will be requisite to inquire what those qualities are that are universally and indispensibly necessary, in order to the answering those great ends : I conceive these three things will fully do it. erst, worth and excellency in the mind, that will satisfy reason as to the choice of the object, that it is not base and abject but valuable: Secondly, courteous and affable conditions and inclinations, this will engage the affection: Thirdly, such an equality as will answer in every thing requisite in this material concern, and this will both create and preserve harmony and agreement in all transactions, and is the beauty and comeliness of Friendship; when there is an Uniformity observed in things, how splendidly do they appear? and the more excellent the things are in themselves, the more lovely they appear in uniformity: Friendship is not only to raise and inflame the heart with the love of the object in order to a sensual satisfaction, though that be necessary, because from thence the felicity of the animal life proceeds, but rather to improve the superior faculties in order to a rational satisfaction, from whence the pleasure of the mind proceeds; now our judgement and reason is abundantly satisfied, when we find in the object of our affections the habits and acts of reason; for as the principles of reason inhances the value of the person, so the practices benefits others, not only as an example, though that be much, but as an improvement of our knowledge and experience.  
First, we will consider reason in its superlative degree, as a King upon his throne, when reason keeps the throne, the will is right, and its impressions just and equal, so that the inferior faculties are easily drawn to a subordination to its dictates and admonitions, and the affections are exercised with proportion to the quality of their objects, and reason is their inviolable rule, and love the supreme affection that gives being to all the rest, to hatred itself; for so much we hate any thing as it stands between and impedes our enjoyment of what we love; the rational faculties hath objects that highly excels those of the sensitive, their capacities are more spacious, and their union with the object more close and intimate, their perception more clear, and thereby become the greatest instruments of pleasure to the intelligent nature: the highest faculties are the understanding and will, to which the desire of knowledge is most natural, and produceth the noblest and sweetest pleasure; and this according to the perfection and enjoyment of the object, proportionable to the degrees of excellency there is in any object, so much rational satisfaction accrues to the mind by the knowledge of it: Natural things greatly affect an intelligent man in his enquiring into their nature, I mean the works of God and his providential distributions, yet the excellencies they find there are but dark and faint resemblances of the infinite & unchangeable perfection, the desire of knowledge both natural and moral is marvellous quick and earnest and in appearance, most worthy the rational nature, as being exceeding pleasant and delicious to the soul: the retirements of nature are not without those excellencies which invite the search of intelligent men, but the mystery of morality hath much more perfection in the nature of it, to animate and quicken our inquiries, and that because knowledge is attained here with less labour, more certainty, and with greater delight and pleasure; and the reason is, we get some steps nearer the original of all perfection; the Impressions of God are engraven upon all his works, but so darkly, that many naturally wise men could hardly find light enough in their natural lamps to discover the true nature and characters of him: now morality ascends much nearer, it is a prospect that makes clearer discoveries, and hereby we ascend so near perfection, that we may discover much of the nature and excellency of the unchangeable and glorious being, yet this is but a glimmering light, and a low perfection comparatively, and will never reach happiness; there is a strong inclination in men to be happy, this desire is born and bred up with him, and it is the first and universal principle from whence all moral consequences are derived: this is the rule of our desire, and the end of our actions: as in natural things the principle of their production operate according to their quality, so in moral things the end is as powerful to form the soul for its operations in order to it, therefore as all desire to be happy, so they apply themselves to those means that hath a tendency to it: men frame happiness according to their tempers, and the apprehensions of it are proportionable to the condition of the persons: for happiness is the pleasure that derives from the harmony and agreement that there is between the object and the appetite, that we may come to a more perfect knowledge of the supreme being, and so consequently be more happy than any man, though never so richly accomplished can be any other way: we must close with religion to this capacity the beams of divine light are extended; it is not my design so to magnify humane reason as to neglect that knowledge that is divine, nor is it according to our method wholly to rest there; the great import of Friendship as was promised was to study the happiness one of another in all things both divine and humane; it is true, there is a secret acknowledgement in every man's breast of a superior power to whom he must give an account, this he hath by the light of nature, yet the clearness of the understanding i● lost notwithstanding; and that light that remains is eclipsed; those that are guided by this light led by sense, fancy, and passion, they have no● motives that should raise them to higher things there is yet a clearer discovery to be made o● God, and that is the office of faith, which lift men up above the region of Reason, and so enlarges and sublimates the mind that it can ge● very near the infinite perfection; as reason i● greatly above sense, so faith is infinitely abov● reason: if we consider its original acts and ends faith is not the fruit of nature, no such flowe● grows in nature's garden: it is the immediate gift of God: none of the philosophers could attain this in all their inquiries, and the reason was, they never understood the knowledge of God in Christ, they were not brought to see, that there were higher degrees of excellency in the objects of faith then in those of reason, nor could they discern the infallibility of its rule, by which all actions are measured, if proportionable to the degree of excellency that there is in the object: our happiness is more or less complete: a Christians happiness must need be superlative that hath God for his object who is beyond all degrees, and superlative: the satisfaction of reason and that of faith are not the same thing, there is as much difference as between heaven and earth, the different ways they take exactly convinces, that there ends are not only different, but contrary; the rule or law that Christians are directed by is infallible, and the rule by which all their actions are measured, is the perfect law of God, not the moral law written in every man's heart before the fall, the dark impression whereof remains to this day, but I mean the law of faith which is not subject to any dispute or doubt; we need not go so far about as heathens which knew God no otherwise but by the dark impressions they found of him in natural things, but we come to a perfect knowledge of him, by the Gospel and see him face to face: Christians as they have clearer manifestations, so they have more noble and excellent means by which they attain those splendid discoveries, & this most clearly demonstrates the glory & magnificency of their end: men that look at a temporal felicity they levelly at low ends that which engages a Christian in the pursuit of happiness, is no motive to them, and that is beauty and reward; nothing that is future can be any attractive to a carnal and sensual man, nor can beauty invite him: The viciousness of his eye hinders him from discerning the beauty: the shortness of his sight is such that he cannot reach things that are future: the most rational Philosophers that were most diligent to improve in knowledge, received with delight truths of lower descent and of infinitely less importance but rejected divine revelation: morality seems to come very near felicity; their professed design was happiness, yet these because they could not admit a higher principle then natural reason, utterly disclaimed Gospel-light, and its more clear revelations; but God who hath commanded light to shine out of darkness, hath shined into the heart of a Christian and hath given the knowledge of God in the face of Christ; this is the sun that dazzled the eyes of Philosophers, but inlightens Christians more and more until the perfect day: men of the most exquisite natural parts and perfections, though there were no future state, bold not be happy while they retain those natural insufficiences that are incident to the best of men that walk by a fallible rule; how frequently are they ensnared, allurements may be so subtly and artificially contrived and made, especially when the bait is reward and pleasure, that the rational and the sensitive appetite are at once betrayed; the two principles of action are the understanding and will, there is no particular good but may have the appearance of some evil, or something that is ungrateful annexed to it, for which reason the will may reject it; so every particular evil may be so disguised by the false appearance of goodness annexed to it, that the will may receive it: spacious objects convey themselves through the unwary and unguarded fences to the fancy, and from that to the understanding, which by neglect not considering the danger, or fond believing the goodness of the end, will overbalance the evil of the means, commends it to the will, and that embraces it, and the senses that should be sentinels to give intelligence faithfully & discover dangers vigilantly, & make true reports of things to the mind respectfully as subordinate to the rational faculties, to hinder all disturbances or disquietness that might assault the mind, they not seldom act contrary, carelefly taking disguised enemies for friends, othertimes by a false alarm affright the lower appetite, and cause such confusion that the command of reason cannot be observed; and this is done either by bringing in some amazing trouble or insinuating some inviting pleasure or any other distractions of the mind: thus the senses wound and captivate the mind, so that there is no trusting to reason, sense, or any thing but saith, which can neither deceive nor be deceived; this prospective gives a true sight of things, whether we consider God the supreme object of our happiness or the enjoyment of him which is subordinate: it's true we cannot come to a perfect knowledge of God in this imperfect state, bu● we may have our hearts enlarged here to receiv● that happiness that is reserved for a more perfect state, and may have happiness in the seed and principles of it; nothing shall alter our condition there but degrees, and we shall have a portion answerable to the spaciousness of the capacity so then we are not to judge of ourselves as t● happiness or misery by wisdom and humane reason, but by faith that cannot be misguided o● controlled: this measure is not humane reaso● that may err, but it is grace, not in our hand but in the hand of omnipotency, where erring an● warping is impossible; as saith hath its illumination from him whose understanding is infinite, s● it hath its strength from him that is Almighty By this light the understanding is rectified, th● will is inclined, so that they cannot be inveigle● by inferior objects, and it substitutes such sobriety in the lower appetite, which keeps ou● all those intrusions that generally subvert it But I leave this point, and proceed, and show how knowledge and mental perfection may rea● the benefit of others.  
Secondly, Men do not love and value people only for their intrinsic worth though that is valuable and inviting, but for the diffusive quali●● that is so natural to true excellency, that it ca● not be divided, no more than the beams of t●● sun can be separated from the body: men thi●● themselves happy in nothing but what comes attended with reward as well as pleasure, a●● therefore prize● friendship as having in itself most accommodation and proportion thereunto: Love is the most free and generous Passion sending forth continually that which is both profitable and greatly delightful, and this is most obliging: men are valued as all things else are, for their usesulness; we have a good instance for this in melancholy persons that have as large capacities as others, and are as industrous to acquire noble endowments as any, and attain as great perfection, yet being under the tyranny of that black passion, are not capable of Demonstration, and so they draw themselves under a cloud while they live, by obscuring their perfections; and when they die, their excellencies with themselves are buried in everlasting oblivion; they live no use, and die without glory; whereas others who like the sun have scattered their light, though short of their excellencies and acquirements, have lived usesully and died honourably. It is not notion but example that imbalms our dust, and perpetuates renown; men of clear and inturrupted reason cannot content themselves with themselves, I mean no man can be satisfied from himself, that is God's prerogative, and therefore are frequently taking in supplies from without; and this they could not do with conveniency, content, and satisfaction, had they not the advantage of communication, by which they transplant their precious flowers, as also convey from their divine springs those streams that would overflow all banks, if not carefully turned into convenient channels; neither would their felicity they intent be complete, could they confine their notions and experiences within the narrow territories of their own minds: Now that they may discharge themselves of the burdens of their weighty conceptions, which they may do while they retain the worth of them, and find out a way for their capatious souls to empty themselves: They court all opportunities, among which Friendship presents its self as most suitable and proper, because receptive of all those generous overtures which are propounded, and so the will and affection are immediately engaged, freely without any force or violence, to close with Friendship, as the most convenient scene upon which they may act those serious contrivances that terminate in virtue and honour: It is in this state and relation men cheerfully pursue golden designs, and make use of those excellent experiments they have been long gathering, but by some harsh accident and unhappy incapacity have been hid and obscured: Now Friendship mainly intending the improvement of reason and advantage, every way both to the giver, and receiver immediately puts upon that employment, without which the most curious searches seems but idle things, and that is communication, whereby men both improve themselves and others; It is true, habitual excellency beautifies the mind, but it must be extended beyond that, else the reputation, which is very considerable among virtuous men will lose much honour; the more general the inffuence, the greater the glory, like the sun whose glory doth not only consist in the body, though that be all light, and the sountain of light, but also in the spreading beams; they being of the most general advantage: But to bring this argument yet nearer our purpose, observe, that wise men in their first attempts, in order to the demonstrating of their parts, are not hasty, rash and precipitate; they will friendly discourse their notions before they will scatter them publicly; this is readily assented to, that the most accomplished men are not secured from mistakes, which will ofttimes attend unavoidably the most wary undertaker: men cannot so exactly shape their best thoughts, as that they should appear comely to all, nor can he promise himself an exemption at all times from misapprehension, passion or some other accident which may intervene between the intention and the action, these are incident to every man, and can be no more divided from the purest constitutions and innocent lives then light from the sun: Again, considerate men are not so taken with their early conceptions as to believe them without exceptions or improvement, and none can so freely, innocently and without noise do it, as a faithful and judicious friend, who cannot be suspected of envy or partiality on the other side: who more fit to pay those just acknowledgements than he who will as cheerfully commend any worthy quality as he would tenderly, prudently and carefully detect the contrary; that this act of Friendship is a singular advantage, will further appear upon this enquiry which follows: Examine great Schools and public communities and Academies, and you will find they are not only intended for the study of Learning in their several apartments, but also for the benefit of Communion in a sociable conversation, whereby learning is improved and extended in order to the public benefit of the whole society: We are not without multitude of examples of this kind, it is by discourse truth is disputed, error is expunged; the true measure of the capacity and incapacities of men lies originally in that rule that the art or science he is about to acquire prescribes, but the use is more extensive, and so the measure is in every man's hand that hath skill to use it; and hereby a man comes to make a right estimate of all things, by applying the rule to them, which is done by discoursing with ourselves or others: words are the shaping of the thoughts, and rally them into order and form: thoughts are best discerned in their dress whether they are trivial or weighty; naked thoughts sometimes affright us, we dare not look on them, till by words they are adorned, and so made amiable; othertimes they seem so airy that we cannot hold them, they slip from us; but when we have shaped them we have greater command of them, and can hold them till we have examined them, and at last we have liberty to keep them or reject them, according to their desert and merit: a man's first conceptions may be overvalued or undervalved by accidents, as when melancholy or pride interposeth: Melancholy will not stay so long upon thoughts, being of a roving temper, or till they may be scanned, and pride will examine them overly and slightly, because it thinks it cannot err: We deal uprightly and judiciously when we examine things so as that we come to a right understanding of the nature of them, and can give every thing its true value without lessening their lustre, which consists in their nature, uniformity and composition: It was the advice of a Grandee, eminent for Learning, and of an excellent judgement, that men should discourse their thoughts and when opportunities were not to be had of discoursing them otherwise, rather than wholly omit this necessary concern, they should direct their discourse to a statue; but he that hath a faithful friend need not put himself upon this conclusion: Familiar converse is always pleasant and often very profitable and seasonable; Two wits are better than one, is a Proverb not to be slighted: I may see an error in my Friend he may not see in himself, without being overcurious and this may be so argued, that he may be convinced, and his reputation secured from reproach and scandal.  
Secondly, there must be that in the object we pitch upon for Friendship, that must ravish the affections, and that seems to be candour and affability in dispositions and conversation, this is as necessary in order to content and the pleasure of this concern, as reason is in order to the profit of it: as reason is necessary, so love and an equal conversation is as necessary, this was that which first created and still supports it; nothing so endearing as civility and courtesy; and this keeps up the reputation of Friendship in spite of all that envy that malicious persons conceive against it: no cloud can eclipse the radiancy of this concern, when it is clothed with civility and courtesy, this is the constraining property of kindness, and in this sense objects hath a constraining force, though properly they have none, but derive their efficacy from the faculties to which they are agreeable: we may understand the excellency of this temper by comparing it with those that are of morose and harsh spirits, such hath crossness so natural to them, being born and bred up with them, that they cannot be otherwise: what torment are such persons to themselves? every the least contradiction so inflames and so strangely transports them, and that to such amazing passions, that they are not only ungrateful to others but frightful to themselves; they arrive to such extravagancies that mischievous effects follow upon them: they are justly termed mad, else they would not bring upon themselves a greater mischief that they may do a less; these persons are not fit for any serious undertaking; but now a calm and affable temper reduces passions, and so fortifies themselves against them, that they neither disquiet their own minds, nor others patience: these can pass by the greatest injuries insensibly; how prudently do they interpret all things in the best sense that are meant in the worst they do see, as to pity, but are blind as to prejudice: these do not practise curiosity and a near inspection into the faults of others, and yet will severely enough detect vice, without grating & unbraiding how amiable is such a disposition, and most incomparably fit for this great concern? this temper hath many excellent properties; I shall hint at some: It is free, pleasant and complasant; Love is noble, and admits the beloved into the heart, and gives him a peculiar interest there, and in all that he hath besides, interest is so great a part of Friendship, that we conclude, no Interest no Friendship: It is the true measure of Love; as Interest is more or less persect, so is the affection more or less complete; proportionable to the interest, such is the Friendship: All those accomplishments we have been discoursing of, are insignificant to a person without interest, like the Gold in the Indies; only valuable in themselves, but of little value to others which are at a distance: It is interest that inhanceth the worth of any thing, propriety is very indearing and obliging; it puts a beauty upon our enjoyments; how common is it for men to slight that in the possession of another they admire, when the property is altered and they can call it their own.  
Again, Friendship is pleasant without those perplexities that attend other relations; as the temper of friends are more equal, so their commerce and fellowship is more pleasing; equality sweetness society: Friendship is compounded of love and society: how pleasant are those harmless diversions that constantly attend those sociable companions? and that which makes it the more sweet, is the utility and necessiity of it for the repair of the mind, that may and will be tired in the most beneficial and excellent employments: the most diligent person cannot be always upon the wing, the lower appetite must have content as well as the superior; for as the disturbances in the fences much prejudice the operations of the mind, so that it cannot act either profitably or pleasantly for that particular season; so when the mind is too intent, the senses are prejudiced, and so much sometimes, that they cannot enjoy those vacancies that prudence and conveniency assigns them for the repairs of the body and lower appetite, which may be so: weary in attending upon the rational appetite, that pleasure may seem a burden because unseasonable, and they may prefer a sleepy stupdity before the most grateful recreation; and the reason seems to be this because sense cannot bear equal pace with reason, the body with the mind; wise men in their most eager pursuit of knowledge had evermore a due respect to the body, which if impaired the mind could not make its returns either so pleasant or beneficial as before: now it is the great design of friends so to regulate their affairs that a general content shall be given both to sense and reason▪ answerable to their respective capacity: Society as it is necessary upon a moral account, so it is most natural; God himself preached this doctrine in paradise, it is not good for man to be alone; Adam was no other way unhappy, Paradise with all its pleasure could not make up this want, his sociable nature was not to be contented without it: Adam was as perfect in his primitive state as any creature could possibly be; look into his understanding and there you will find perfect light; into his will, and their exact rectitude; his affections all pure, without any dross, his body full of beauty and comeliness: add hereunto his constant communion with God who treated him with no other terms but love and kindness, yet after all this, the Lord as a further demonstration of his favour to Adam, he assigns him a companion, the proportionableness of which is signified in that commendation he gives the woman, when he presents her to Adam, saying, she was a helpmeet for him: all this illustrates the pleasure of society. If Adam in paradise wanted society that was happy in every thing else, how pleasant must Friendship be to us that are happy in nothing else comparatively? what complacency and delight must needs spring from a state so peculiarly free and pleasant, I might speak much of the delight and satisfaction to be found in this regard, but that I shall reserve to another place.  
The Fourth and last thing promised by way of preparation to this great concern is this, that there must be so much equality in the person & capacity of Friends which will be commensurate and adequate in every thing material, relating to this rclation and state of Friendship: for the better directing our inquisition in this great case, a method will be necessary. I would explain my meaning here with all caution and circumspection, that I might not be misunderstood, because the intricacy of the whole Discourse lies in this particular.  
First, I do not mean by this equality such an absolute equality as will admit of no disparity that is almost impossible, and certainly unnecessary: Men cannot meet in this concern as lines in the eenter, no man can perfectly understand the heights and depths of his own mind so as to make a certain estimate of them, and it must needs be without the reach of any other; as the accidents of life in some inferior things may make a difference as to the outward state, so the perfections of the mind, though not contrary may be unequal, and that because one man may and doth excel another in particular things; and this is so far from causing a disgust, that it promiseth singular advantage; for as a worthy man is dissatisfied though he hath treasured up great things while they remain obscure, so he is highly contented to part them between himself and his friend, and no less is he delighted to see his own worth outvied by his friend: for whatsoever the one possesseth the other cannot want: no matter where the propriety is when the use is in both: the trade that Friends drive is giving and receiving in order to a mutual satisfaction: beside were this seeming disparity wanting, friends would miss one of their great ends: no man is loved for himself: It were well if we could love God at that rate: there is a vast expectation of profit and pleasure among Friends, and much of their satisfaction lies in this, exchanging value for value, and hereby they are both gainers, and this upon a double account. First they add each to others treasure by some additional excellency, and then to their content, because its mutual: It is no cause of quarrel that one excels another in worthy qualities, the one never loseth by the others gain; and then there is much more delight in submitting the reason and wills in the voluntary intercourses and acts of Friendship, then can be any other way, and that because there is more love expressed in those acts, and the more of love is in any thing, the more sweet, gratifying and contenting it is: But to come to particulars.  
And here I shall endeavour to show what are those inequalities that are absolute, and can never be otherwise, and then what inequality that is that may be dispensed with and taken up when prudence speaks it necessary: That I may not in stead of explicating intricate this material concern, I shall promise these Four things wherein this inequality is to be found, and is so interwoven into the composition and condition of the persons that no prudence can take up.  
First, The inequality between a Prince and a slave, a wise man and a fool, persons of different persuasions in matters of religion, and in the ●ast place, that inequality that is in some Relations.  
First, A Prince cannot without too base a condescension and diminution of his honour take his ●ave into his bosom, this is so great a disparity, ●hat no prudence can ever take up; this is both ●n unnatural and unreasonable condescension.  
Secondly, There can be no equality between ● wise man and a fool; if a wise man cannot make friendship with a person that is grossly ignorant, because of the disparity that there is between them in respect of their reason, as I shall show anon, much less with him that is so far from great reason, that he hath none at all: fools can never be so equallized as to comport with men of competent reason, much less with wise men; their natures are made up of contradiction: there is that madness, wilfulness and folly in the one that cannot consist with that gravity, wisdom and humility of the other, as one can never be raised to any congruity with the other, so the other can never be so depressed and degenerated as to bea● any proportion with him: no such amity can stand with so great an inequality: I need not use any further argument for the confirmation of this assertion; Give me leave to speak a word to the supposition, which is, that men of high parts & sublimated minds cannot be so equalised as to be made fit subjects for a Friendship with the ignorant: Men eminent in virtue, as they cannot in honour associate themselves with them that are vicious, so they cannot in wisdom make alliance with the ignorant; and this will be yet more clear, if we consider the distance they stand one to the other; a man of raised parts can never be so degenerated as to comport himself with them that are much inferior; difference in person as to the outward state is much, as appeared in the former instance between a Prince and a slave, but here it's more, because there is all manner of distance both as to the mind and outward state: what pleasure can wise men take in sowing barren ground, or scattering their precious seed in a Common, or at best to sow among thorns, where the seed will never spring up to any satisfaction: Every secular business shall be admitted to come in and choke it; that in which wise men are most excellent, the other regards not; the more a man understands the more he makes necessary to himself, which those of vicious spirits call madness, and abject and low spirits call needless curiosity; and instead of putting that worth upon noble and generous actions they deserve, disparage them by their slights and reflections; and so put an undervalue upon the person, who the higher they act, the more prejudicial the least aspersion cast upon them proves to be; as from these so unreasonable a condescension cannot be desired, so from the other so great an elevation cannot be expected, that true worth, value and excellency that should greaten their minds, and enlarge their capacities: For such alliance is a riddle they can never understand, a jewel they would never be at the cost to purchase becaufe they can never be brought to think it necessary, no such enemy to learning as the ignorant, but here comes in an objection; Some will be ready to say, I exclude all persons from Friendship, but those that are stars of the first magnitude, and so consequently most men and all women are exempted: To this I answer, that I am not of that opinion, nor can I see any ground for it, I have laid down the rules of Friendship in the strictest sense, as all material points ought to be, not supposing all can reach them; they that comes nearest do best: this must be allowed, that difference in virtues make a great difference in friendships, as some men are more excellently qualified than others, so their alliances are more esteemable, and fellowships more eminent: men differ in their extractions, natures and moral acquirements exceeding much; and then education adds much weight to all the rest, if it be refined by art: it's true, nothing is more excellent than a natural genius when it is rightly directed, it is the groundwork and foundation of all ingenuity; but this is not alike in all, nature is more bountiful to some than others; and therefore art is intended to make up the defects of nature, and sometimes it is so successful in that behalf, that a man polished by it comes to much perfection: we see boys that have been observed to be weakly accommodated in respect of natural ability, yet through the help of art, which by much diligence they have acquired, they have proved wise and useful men, though they could never arrive to that perfection that men both naturally wise and learned have done; there is as much difference between them as comparative and superlative.  
But to come to the Question, I conceive high parts and titles to be no more of the Essence of Friendship then gay clothes to be of the essence of a man: A man eminent in Titles and gloriously arrayed, may appear more splendidly than he that is clothed in rags, but there is as much of the nature of a man in the latter as in the former: men not so highly raised in their parts, persons and Estates as the former may make a moral Friendship, they have the capacity of it, and why not the significations of it: a competent reason will serve among equals: Men that look no higher than their particular calling and commerce in the world, may have reason as to useful hearts as much united, their conversations as pleasant, their actions as equal as those that stand in a higher sphere: as reason is not so eminent among these, so they can be happy without it, because they have not the same occasion ●or it that others have, these can as dearly love and as faithfully comport themselves, and may ●rove as fast and unchangeable friends as any o●her: It is not above the reach of any that hath ●ny ingenuity: some have been apt enough to ●y, that this is a Scheme of Discourse, a kind ●f Romance; rather what ingenious men wish ●ight be, then really what is or can be: If rea●on may be heard in this case, it would convince ●s, that we cannot be happy without Friendship, ●ough in the confluence of all enjoyments, especially women that have as much reason to improve this argument as any other: but they ●●e excluded some say for want of mental accomplishment: these would have women appear as contemptible to themselves as they have rend●●d them in their invectives: how come women so ●●ort of men in this regard? this question is not 〈◊〉 easily answered; compare the personal excellency of the sexes, particularly the understanding and will, these seem all one, therefore 〈◊〉 cannot be a natural defect in the one, or per●●tion in the other that must make this difference: therefore it must be learning and Education that must add weight to the balance o● the man's side: who can deny that women hav● been eminent for learning, valour and other worthy qualities, and why they are not generally so is not so much the defect of nature as evil example, by which they are corrupted, so that th● will looseth its freedom, and is contracted to low and base objects, or else this comes to pass from the severe customs they are forced to submit to by which that freedom and improvements the should have, is either so restrained or so limited that let their intrinsic worth be what it will, the never arrive at any eminency: but those tha● have stepped over those limitations, and throw● away those manacles, have lived usefully an● died honourably: Many Instances History affor● to strengthen the argument, but I forbear, thi● being occasionably, not intensionally hinted at▪ All women can entirely love, they can be faithful and sociable, and why not fit for friendship▪ except their husband make them so: Nothing more evident than the hgih displeasure me● take at the Friendship of women, especially where their wives are concerned, may be the● have reason it: I do not censure them, yet I ca●not but conclude, that there can hardly be th●● moral Friendship among married women, who●● affection, reason and freedom must attend upo● and be commanded by their husbands, who n●● seldom make it their business to cross their wiuff though their ends be never so innocent fair; a●● handsome: I do not say all men are of this ungrateful temper.  
Secondly, there is inequality that may be taken up and dispensed with, and that is when the distance lies in things not material; I instance in riches and commands: A man may not be so rich as another, this is no inequality, but what prudence will find arguments enough to take up or dispense with; what is riches to reason, a noble title to a noble mind; money may elevate abject and sordid spirits, but a generous man would be so far from valluing himself by it, that he would trample upon it, if it stood in competition with virtue and honour; noble minds assend the throne when men of vicious principles and practices are cast down with shame and scorn; witness Haman, what a stain remains upon his glory we all know: blind fortune seldom makes a just estimate of things, she distributes her favours promiscuously, and men scrabble for them, and the strongest and those that least deserves them gets the greatest share: they pride themselves in their unmerited gains and Titles, yet they in their highest elivations are like fools upon a Theatre, attended with reproach and contempt: men take but a low level at greatness that value themselves by such insignificant Titles like a great letter in the Alphabet, they take up more room and look bigger but signify no more than the least letter there, like the crackling of thorns under a pot, they make a great noise, and blast, but after a little while this blaze will extinguish; they are more ●n noise then in notion, more in show then in substance; but men that derive their Titles from merit and desert are so splendid, that no envious cloud, though never so dark can eclipse their lustre; it's true, men may sooner get a noble Title than a noble mind, there are instances enough of this at hand in this present age, the most unhappy times that virtuous men ever saw, the golden clue hath led many a worthless man into the palace of Princes, who with the spider carry their poison thither, serving only by their principles to corrupt, & by their practices to defile the Court: how often have we seen as little things as the change of a besom comparitively, sweep down those cobwebs; those to whom fortune hath given an unexpected and undeserved grandeur; are of all others most subject to changes, the interest they first had, presently grows cold and faint, and languishing: as nothing can purchase the treasure of a noble mind, so nothing can depress or extinguish the glory of it: Times must be beyond all parrellell barbarous wherein such men shall be degraded, Philosophers that were of raised minds would not part with, nor Exchange one single virtue for all the gold in both the Indies, they valued time better than to expend it upon such trifles: men proportion their care to their value, these are the persons that are expert in all virtue, and consequently most fit for this generouss state because they are most acquainted with sublimity, and their intendment are beyond all Expceptions.  
Secondly, Command and duty most be Examined, and there they seem unequal wherever they are, yet it may sometimes be otherwise: Instances there are many whose conditions are far wide from servitude, yet they are servants in a proper sense, and must own an inequality between them & their masters, but this disparity in the strictest sense is but a subordination in some things, and for some space of time, or some particular business when the time is expired, and the business finished, the master and servant are both equal, the Inequality did not consist in the essential but in the circumstantial part, not in person and condition, but in the art and science which when taught and learned, the Master and servant are both equal; so that there remains no more distinction of Master and servant; but we will suppose the inequality yet greater, and that there is absolute power in the Master to command without any restriction and proportionable obligations on the servant to obey beyond dispute; yet it doth not follow, that these commands and duties are always alike, and that they can never be dispensed with; it is most true, it is not in the power of the inferior to lessen his own obedience and duty, or extenuate the superior authority, yet the superior may abate and lessen his own power, according to his will and pleasure, and so they come to be more equal, though the one cannot shrink the other can stretch; a servant cannot upon any just pretence deny his obedience to his Master, yet his Master when it seems convenient either for profit or pleasure, or any other way expedient, can abate or lessen his own property in the servant, without the least injustice, and discharge him from any or all his obligations; and this seems to be the way of princes, and the method that they use in raising persons from a low condition to eminency; sometimes it consists with the sagacity and prudence of a prince as well as his fancy, to advance men of low extraction but of noble spirits to places of high trust and honour: some men by the vastness of their natural parts and ability, are most admirably accommodated for the most honourable and noble services, and for emergences of state, may be more useful than those much above them by extraction and titles: these cannot be admitted, though they are qualified for princely receptions, but by the favour of the prince extended toward them: and this doth not diminish nor impair the dominion of the prince, or lessen the subjects obligation, but rather advance and magnify them; it brightens the Prince's glory and makes it more illustrious, it strengthens the Favourites obedience, and makes them more faithful, though not so servile: such condescensions swallows up much of the distance, so that they are not so unequal as before; greatness is neither debased nor diminished by goodness; the sun that glorious and raised body may shine upon a dunghill, yet loses none of its glory, and though there be noisomness in the dunghill, it can contract none of the defilement, so princes when they shine upon their Favourites in the beams of their generosity and benignity, their honour is not in the least impaired thereby: there is no distance so unequal, but it may be taken up, except that which is so twisted with the compofition of the persons, that no art can loosen, and so natural to the relations, that it would be both impious and impudent to endeavour it: and that is baseness of spirit, that complexive incongruity to virtue and honour; men of low principles can never levelly at high and generous actions, nor bear any symmetry with those of contrary tempers and affections; but if the mind be right, that beginning that was mean may reach a glorious and magnificent end.   

Thirdly, persons of different sexes cannot comport themselves for friendship according to our method, they must be either men or women, not a man and a woman, and that because as their natures are contrary, so is their condition, fancy & business; nor can they rationally design, that equal conversation without which Friendship is very imperfect, and but a lame attainment; nor can there be that familiar converse and intimacy necessary to this concern, without reflections, if not temptations: should I enter into this argument I might find enough to say, but I judge it neither grateful nor expedient; Let those that are concerned inform themselves from the inconveniences that daily accrue upon such adventures; they need go no further then common experience and observation to satisfy their curiosity.  
The fourth inequality to be avoided, is, that of Religion, if there be a confluence of all other requisites, and there be no harmony and agreement, here the Friendship will be short lived: nothing do more unite or divide persons then Religion, if they agree in principles, religion wonderfully strengthens the Friendship, and engages their hearts one towards another; and this must needs be so, for if men agree in things of the greatest consequence, it is likely they may accord in things less considerable: It is observed that no differences are so great as those occasioned by religion, and no spirits so bitter and inexorable as such as are by disputes in Religion exasperated: how hardly are small dissentings in Religion, though but in one single point, composed? what difficulty then must there needs be in reducing those to compliance that differ in substantial points, in the doctrine as well as in the manner of worship; and if this be not done, the Friendship will be uncertain. I grant, there may be some circumstantial dissenting among friends, and no great prejudice thereby, because those may be argued with indifference and moderation, and a reconciliation is not impossible, but very probable, because in this case the best reason carries it, but in substantial points the matter is not so soon done: Matter of Faith seems too sacred to submit to the best reason while conscience remains unsatisfied, who though misguided and led by examples and custom that have no foundation in the word of God the most infallible rule, yet these shall have such influences upon the seduced conscience, that they will not give place to the most infallible and divine truths, and having made the first impression will plead their propriety, and oppose it against the commands of divine justice: there is much arguing in this case, little yielding and compliance, when men are tainted with corrupt principles, arguing may beget disgusts and heats, and engage the passions, and set them all a quarrelling, and wind up the differences to such heights as will admit of no pacifying arguments: this is plainly proved by common experience; witness the Church of Rome, and the Reformed Churches; what vast endeavours has there been for an accommodation, but with no success; the animosity grows higher, and a reconciliation more impossible, as is evident by the vast treasures that have been expended, and effusion of blood that hath been spilt, and is still shedding: Look a little nearer, even among ourselves, where the dissentings are not so universal, and we shall find much vexation and trouble: Is it not observable, that persons that have lived and conversed together a great while, have at last parted, and no cause visible appearing; there seems to be a twofold reason for this, First, from the difference in opinion which prevails so over the passions, that love the master-affection which for some time hath preserved unity, has now changed its property, and by accident, occasions the greatest quarrel: had men no religion, they would not be so liable to dissensions, there being no cause for dispute; they were equal in such a condition, I had almost said equally unhappy, but it may be supposed, that prudence may do much to compose things, it may keep in the fire a while, but not long, it will at last break out into a flame: nothing more common then for men to be great friends, while neuters in religion, but if either come to be sincerely pious, they fall a quarrelling presently, it is not the religion that doth it, but the contrariety of the one against the Religion of the other; if a man loves his friend, he cannot see him walking in ways of death and not reprove him, and that smartly; and this cannot be born what amity can continue: where there can be no arguing without quarrelling, no reproof without retorting; now friends begin to treat one the other with suspicion and absent themselves from that equal conversation and intimacy which first made the amity and must still preserve it.  
Secondly, the efficacy of piety and religion itself insensibly loosens the knot of this alliance, because the one cannot bear the convictions and restraints that will be laid on him by the other, which though not by design, and intentially, but by example and accidentally, will be very severe and confining to his extravagant temper: I have read a story of a young gallant, who had a pious Father, that had given him many admonitions, but he little minding the counsel and example of his father, became vilely vicious, and when he intended to drink to excess or be any other way debauched in the room where the effiges of his dead father hung, he would first draw a curtain before the picture, saying, he could not be frolic while he saw any thing of his father, who had so often reproved him; such convictions attended him: I shall only add, that in all alliances, religion, if sincere, is the surest tie; nothing we enjoy can be constant and durable without this: this is the fruit of the tree of life, which if we feed on, will make our comforts not only long lasting, but our happiness everlasting.  
Lastly, the inequality of relations comes to be considered; but before I proceed, give me leave to take notice of an objection which seems ready to assault me at my first entrance into this part of the discourse, and that is, that I have endeavoured all along to confine friendship, and limit it to a moral capacity and so have excluded relations which in truth, are more capable & receptive of it: there are three relations especially that make this challenge; Father and Son, Husband and Wife, and Brethren: Pray give me leave to lead these Objectors into the nature of these relations, and there they will satisfy themselves of the invalidity of this splendid scruple, which is more in show then in substance.  
To begin with the first, namely, Father and Son, this relation is so far from equality, that it intends and commands the contrary, it is a composition of disparity, which is so natural to the relation that it can neither have a being nor well-being without it: Instance, the power and authority of the Father, which can never be lessened, the fear and duty of the Son, which cannot be excused: a father is much more bound in this relation than any other superior, for they may sometimes dispense with their propriety in this regard, without prejudice to themselves, and with advantage to the inferior, but a parent cannot abate any of his just authority, but with injury both to himself and his son; to himself by failing in his duty, which is ever to keep up his power in all lawful things; to his son, in laying before him a temptation to disobedience, by his example, while he omits his duty: Indulgence is the inlet to all other traps and snares: sad Instances we have had of this in our present Age, where all vices are made almost indifferent, but such as disturb the tranquillity of the Kingdom: there are many things of the nature of this relation that cannot consist with a moral Friendship: Instance, the power and command of the Father, the fear and obedience of the son, these are contrary to that personal equality, which cannot be exempted from Friendship; it being as natural to the being and well-being of that concern as inequality is to this of relations: the properest expressions between Friends is that which a Father and son never do, as constant, familiar converse, equal conversation, wherein they always submit their wills and affections each to other: there are many things in friendship that cannot be admitted where there is a challenge of duty and command: it is no prejudice to a parent, and the duty I own him, to pay all possible endearments to my Friend, because there are many things due to the one, the other cannot challenge: It is not my design to derogate from any relation, that just esteem they ought to have: this must be allowed, that this relation makes great dearness and a most inviolable Friendship, and under such real obligations, as the laws of God and men hath made indispensable, and that because there are duties that obliged them before any other Friendship could be made, and have left such impression as must abide, and will never give place to any other, because of their propriety which is supreme: There are two things especially I shall point at, wherein this relation differs from a moral Friendship, and that is, first, in their springs from whence they flow, and Secondly, in their ends and designs: First, the love and friendship of the relation is grounded purely upon natural causes, and therefore called natural affection: there is no need of prudence in this case, no man consults his reason, whether he shall love his son or not, a natural instinct inclines him to that, but if his son be rebellious, than he hath need of prudence to direct him how to regulate his affections, so is his indulgence may not prejudice his son: There are many things binding to persons in ●his relation, as the law of God; the law of ●ature, and their love to themselves: parents love ●heir children because they love themselves ●hey are perpetuated in their children, posterity ●eing the instruments of a civil immortality; likewise the son cannot dispute his obedience to ●is father, he being bound with his father by the ●ame laws, and under more obligations than the ●ather can be. 1. he has his being from his father, ●y which he is capacitated for all the rest that follow, as his preservation, education, example, supply, & all these add to the sons obligations, but ●oral friendship has no law or obligation predisposing the persons for friendship, but is grounded upon moral principles, and is animated by that profit, reward & pleasure that is annexed to the object: Love in this respect is the effect of an unconstrained choice, and therefore is not subject to those uncertainties that natural affections are; nothing holds the affection stronger and longer than a free choice, we experience this; the love of relations is not much to be trusted in, as the duties so the love of relations is changeable, and much altered by accidents; instance, parents much abate in their affections to their children that once they dearly loved, haply occasioned by some rebellious & unworthy carriage & actions against commands, persuasions, threaten and entreaties, which aggravate the crimes and make them inexcusable: sometimes cross marriages become a great ground of quarrel, when they are inferior or unequal: Again, when sons put themselves upon dishonourable designs, and by their extravagances brings a general ruin upon themselves and families, and grow so desperate, that instead of cherishing and supporting their parents against the injuries of others, lay violent hands on them themselves, and imbrue their hands in their blood, or consent with others, unnaturally designing against them, from whom they have their being: David had such a son in Absalon, all which so alienates the hearts of parents, that they cannot give them a  aspect without censure, nor a place in their thoughts, but with reluctancies, and the aggravations which second these high provocations are so many and heinous, that natural affection sometimes is thereby quit, and abandoned, and ●hat upon just and solid grounds: Othertimes pa●ents fail in their duty to their children, and carry it unnaturally toward them that have deserved ●etter, nothing more notorious, then for men to forsake the sons of their love, preferring foam Dalilah before them, upon whom they prodigally spend their substance, discouraging and corrupting their children together, which they do by their inhuman actions and vicious practices, and this is worthy our consideration, how separation will alienate the affections of relations, so that there shall not remain in them a powerful inclination, either to solicit or endeavour the prosperity one of another, but shall prefer a faithful servant before the relation: this hath been so amazing to me, that I have thought natural affection one of the greatest uncertainties of humane life, and not to be confided in, because men so strangely degenerate in this respect; that they make themselves inferior to the brutes.  
Secondly, as the original from whence the love of this relation comes is incongruous to that of Friendship, so their ends are contrary: Friendship designs nothing more than the pleasure of society, whereby by communicating each others joys and hopes, afflictions and disappointments, they come to obtain the proper and most useful effects of Friendship, but parents have no such expectation, they do not aim at a sociable contentment in their children, nor children in their parents: how freely do parents and children consent to be divided, sometimes into the farthest part of the world, one from another; if their persons, estates, or content may be advanced by it▪ and are very well satisfied, to meet once or twice in their whole lives, or to converse together in a few lines, which are uncertainly ventured, and seldom arrive at the desired place, and when they come can do no more but tell them they left a relation alive, but how long he hath continued so since is most uncertain: men account themselves rich in relations, when their propriety is so far removed that they serve only for contemplation and generation, both which gives but a general no particular contentment; it is otherwise among friends, they cannot satisfy themselves in contemplation, fruition is that which completes their felicity: Friends are like the turtles, they never associate themselves with other birds, they never sing and fly abroad for recreation as other birds do, but they have their peculiar notes for each other, and when the one dies, the other droops till he dies; so friends, they need none of those vanities that are remote, they never search after them, the chatting of Friends is to themselves a most pleasing note; they live in the embraces of each other, and if one dies how impatiently doth the other lament after him until he die also: So than it is plain by what has appeared in this argument, that this relation of Father and son hath not in it the capacity of a moral Friendship, how then can it have the signification of it?  
The Second Relation to be examined is Husband and Wife, the former relation was grounded upon natural causes, but this upon justice and reason, pursuant to a solemn league and Covenant, which cannot be violated, but by the worst perfidiousness, and as the love of that relation was natural this is conjugal, and in some respect greater than natural affection, because here are greater obligations and more binding duties annexed to this relation then to any other, and that by a twofold law, the law of God, and the law of man. I must expect to meet with many persons that will think themselves disobliged by this argument, therefore I must say something to satisfy them: I must confess, I have less pleasure in this part of the discourse, then in all the rest; This relation by a groundless supposition has been deemed the best capacity for Friendship, as having in itself all that accommodation necessary: Let us consider the persons, and then the relation, the persons strictly considered, are not fit for this concern, not only because of the difference in sexes, though that be something, but upon many other material considerations.  
First, There is the greatest inequality possible in the persons, and it is constituted by the relation itself; persons may be equal before marriage, they cannot be so afterwards: now what makes the change, only the relation, nothing else could do it; if a King gives his Crown and throne to a slave, it's no wonder if the slave possesses that throne and Crown, and he be degraded, but this is not so great a prejudice, as sometimes happens in marriages, for the slave is but an usurper, and there is no law to confirm him in that undeserved grandeur but those that make a like adventure in this relation; they do not only throw away their robes, and become equal i● subjection to persons of abject spirits, and co●ditions, and subservient to such as were slave● before, or so inferior that they would hav● thought it preferment enough to have had th● meanest employ about their persons; and tha● which aggravates it, is that this bondage canno● be thrown off, as in the former instance, but i● is confirmed by a Law both civil and moral, whic● cannot be violated: there are many things of th● nature of Friendship, and such as are most eminent, which cannot stand with this relation; instance they cannot submit their judgements and wills one to another in all things, this Friendship must do or it cannot be, and this is expected among Friends which are equal, but not among those that cannot be so: for a superior to submit his judgement and will to an inferior, is neither just nor convenient, but for the inferior to submit both to the superior, is just and necessary: it is true, there is command and duty in Friendship but those that command, and them that obey are equal, and though they may sometimes command different things they have not different wills, but this cannot be, where command and duty is severally in the persons, because where there is an absolute power to command, there follows a proportionable obligation to obey as a just due that cannot be excused or omitted: and because power is not always so regular and just as it ought to be, therefore it is, that there is such difference & jarring among inferiors and superiors; and this will ever be so long as men hath any thing of pride, or passion, and so they augment or lessen their authority by these rules, and hereby sometimes the state of marriage is so embittered that it becomes harsh and ungrateful, they will plead the threatening, this desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee, and the laws of men are seldom favourable in this kind, but imposeth more upon it, as we find by the civil law of Nations, which commands the man proving bankrupt and cast into prison, his wife be sold, if she be worth it to redeem her husband; and as if the bondage were not severe enough, the consent of the wife comes in, and twists the cord, and makes it yet stronger; the woman is obliged by no law, till she binds herself by a voluntary consent, neither law of God nor man doth constrain her to come under these restrictions, but finding her there lays more obligations upon her.  
2ly, let us examine the relation itself (some say) that conveys Friendship, we will look into the first marriage, that in Paradise, if a perfect Friendship, can be conveyed by the relation, we shall find there Adam had as much reason to contract a perfect friendship with Eve as any man ever had, she being made of the body of Adam in a more peculiar manner than any else ever was, and because she was the gift of God immediately delivered to Adam as a token of special favour, and because there was no creature so suitable to him as she was; and this similitude was some inducement from a natural principle that inclines every creature to love its like; yet notwithstanding all this, we see that in Adam that seems contrary to Friendship in many things, especially this, that he so readily and upbradingly laid tha● blame upon his wife, a true friend would have taken upon himself, so that there seems a want of Friendship in paradise, and this may very well be, paradise was not without its wants, man wanted a wife for generation, and why not a friend for counsel, advice, and conversation? had Eve had a faithful friend, who would have encouraged and strengthened her against the insinuations of the serpent, she might have baffled his arguments, and repelled his strongest temptations: on the other side, had Adam been so happy to have had a faithful monitor, in the intermi, when the temptation lay before him, he would not have so rashly ventured upon the breach of that primitive and positive command, yet he had a greater advantage than the woman, in that he might have argued the point with the woman (with less surprise) than the woman could with the Serpent; he had the advantage of discourse with her: he might have demanded of her, how she could think to escape the penalty of so peremptory a law, and by what arguments she was invited to the breach of so positive a command, and what advantage she propounded to herself in so bold and criminal an undertaking; such arguing might have given some check to the temptation; much arguing there was between the woman and the Serpent: where was Adam then? had there been Friendship Adam could not have been so long from Eve, being in the same garden with her, till the Serpent could accomplish so great a work; this seems to be a work of time: neither is it likely, had there been this amity, that she would have intended, much less have acted any thing, till she had acquainted Adam with it, with whom she would have had inclination enough to advise with in such a difficult case, there being always a communication of affairs between friends: no wonder the woman was seduced when all the wit and policy of hell was employed to do it: but Adam without that was betrayed, he hastily ventures without reservation and exception upon the breach of so positive a command.  
Again, if this relation could convey the best Friendship, none in that relation could miss it, but experience evinces the contrary: we find not seldom their open enmity; if the relation could convey it, though there was little love before marriage, there would be no want of it after, but this is clear to common observation, that where persons have ventured into this relation before, the affection and fancy hath been fixed, the relation hath been so far from engaging the affections and uniting the heart, that it hath increased the enmity, and sometimes to murder and other violent acts; and I might bring many reasons for this, but I do not love to rake in a kennel.  
Again, as repeated fruition is the most binding thing among Friends, in this relation it is most loosening; I have heard some say, and seriously to, that repeated fruition is a dull thing, & blunts the edge of the greatest affection, Friendship in this relation would be arbitrary, and therefore it is that there are such strong commands obliging persons to the duties of it, as is evident by the laws of God and man: It is observable, that Friendship is most tied, and yet most free; there are no laws confining friends, they have no need of coaction to obedience, love is a law to itself, this shows the natural unfixedness of the one and the stability of the other: some men were they left to their liberty as friends are, they would change their wives as often as they put off their clothes; men are much guided by humour and fancy, small things deludes the fancy at one time, and things as contemptible will alter it at another; men hastily catch at a wife, she pleaseth him well, after a little while fancy hath found out some new object, and then we hear them say, they cannot fancy the old, the new is better; but Friendship is ever guided by reason and judgement, and finds more amiableness and loveliness in the object every day: give me leave to add, that persons in this relation are not capable of those convenient and necessary acts of kindness that friends are, Instance in emergences of state or times of war, a friend may be eminently useful in either, but what can a wife do, she can have no vote in Council, nor command in war: The wife of David, though the daughter of Saul, and therefore did not want interest when he left the Court and betook himself to the wars, signified little to him, but jonathan his friend was more useful than then ever; and this is most considerable, the advantage friendship has beyond relations, for personal kindness which comes to pass from hence, because they are united in heart though not in person in a legal sense as men and their wives are; and this is no small advantage, hereby they are more useful in times of extremity, where none will assist and help but them alone; many acts of friendship women are not capable of, if a husband be arrested, his wife cannot bail him, but his friend can; if her testimony be never so full and pertinent, it will not be taken for her husband: I might instance in many other things, but I hasten from this ungrateful argument.  
Lastly, If Friendship were made by this relation, than no man would seek it elsewhere, but we see those persons who have as much content as the relation can give ambition, this state of friendship and they make the firmest and strongest alliances in this regard, and the reason they give is this, that they would find satisfaction most suitable to their nature and being, and that (say they) can be no where but among equals, where this only can be found, that the hearts are united and the persons free to all friendly acts and intercourses, and this cannot be among relations, where the persons are joined, but too often the hearts are free: I hope none will mistake and think I have no true value for this relation, I have really a great respect for this relation, and highly esteem it where it is in truth rightly managed: They are most happy that meet with least disappointments every one will conclude; poverty and sickness what a change do they make, persons in this relation aim at many ends, which if they miss they are impatient, and that because there doth not seem efficacy enough in the relation to command a submission to any great disappointment: And by how much the more evils cannot be foreseen, by so much the more intolerable they be: I shall point at but one end and that is children, if they fail of this end, as sometimes they do, what an alienation doth this make, or rather a separation: I am loath to say, it is plain enough, but friends can miss their ends in many th●ngs without distraction, crosses doth not separate them, but rather unite them: jonathan and David were never so united as then when affliction seized them, than it was that they renewed their covenant and strengthened their affections one towards another: Thus I have led you through two relations, the one grounded upon the principles of nature, and therefore binding, the other upon a promise or covenant no less obliging, & to both these friendship is due, but not that friendship or love I am treating of; there is natural affection due to the one and a conjugal love due to the other, which must be paid with all care and circumspection.  
I shall touch a little briefly upon the third relation, and so come to what I most aim at.  
The Third Relation I am to speak to is, that of Brethren; I shall consider the persons and relation jointly; brethren having in them all that worthiness that friendship requires, are the fittest subjects for friendship, but they do not pass into it upon the account of relation, nature passes but little, but as they are disposed and prepared for it, either by natural qualities or moral excellencies: We see brothers that live apart, and adopt themselves to Families remote, they have little love: Friendship is nourished by the same matter by which it was first made, it was created by communion and fellowship in an equal conversation, and must live by the same: the Wise man observed, that in a time of separation friendship was of a small signification: Better (saith he) is a neighbour near then a brother afar off; and he draws his argument from the incapacity of the one, and the capacity of the other; for all friendly acts & intercourses, its true friendship may last, when by some accident the persons are divided, but not in that vigour it did before: it is a languishing friendship; we may understand this by the similitude of the love of the iron the loadstone, which ariseth from a hidden quality, the motion of the iron towards the loadstone is slow while at a distance, but quick when near, and when it doth but touch it, it cleaves so fast, that unless forced, 'twill never part, and when it is parted 'twill at the furthest part of the world retain the virtue of the touch; so Friends while at a distance move slowly, but when together are so united, that they cannot be separated without great force and violence, and their separation is like the dividing the heart from the body: now that there is nothing in the bare relation that can amount to friendship, will be further evident by our daily experience, which furnisheth us with instances of the great animosities among brethren, and such aversions as cannot consist with friendship: Look into the family of Adam, and there you see murder; into the Family of Isaac, you would think you should not miss of kindness there, yet instead thereof we find Esau consulting with himself how he should slay his brother: this is most true, that there may be much endeared affection between brethren, occasioned by the equalness of their persons and conversation, they having in them all other requisites, ar● first to be chosen as the most fit persons for friendship, the relation being something, and when both these meet the relation and friendship, they exemplify one the other, and shine most illustriously; but some may think, I have pursued this subject too far, I am sure it was with no design to derogate from the just desert due to any relation, yet I would not have them monopolise our esteem, so as to snuffle out Friendship, which so truly deserves our value.  
I come now to the qualifications which are necessary in order to a well grounded friendship: all that I have said hitherto is previous to what remains: I hope none will expect friendship in an artificial dress, attended with elegant phrases, and words well accented, this being both above my ability, and far wide of my design, which is a general satisfaction in this material concern, in the plainest way that I can; gla●ing and gaudy embellishments being trivial accomplishments where truth is concerned, which shines bright enough without them.  
The First qualification is this, there must be an entire affection and love among friends, this is the principal hinge upon which this concern turns, this being a philosophical discourse it will be necessary to touch upon love in general. Love in the general nature of it is either rational and supreme, or sensual and subordinate, in the sirst sense love is the most vigorous, potent, sovereign, affectionate; it sits as Queen Regent in the will, and governs all the faculties; love is the spring of humane actions, and giveth life, being, and motion to them all; the other affections, as desire, hope, joy, fear, anger, all these are but the several forms and shapes os love; for as the object of love is affected with this or that circumstance, so is love proportionably invested with this or that form; if the object be absent, love goes out to meet it in desire, if present, it solaceth itself in fruition and delight; if under danger and hazard, love trembleth with fear: if it be impeded or hindered, love waxeth angry and impatient, when there is any possibility of enjoying the object: love moves nimbly after it if impossible of enjoyment; so that the object be lost, love clothes itself in mourning habit: there is also a kind of love in the sensual and animal part, but this is more passionate, that in the superior part more rational; this is more uncertain, that more fixed; this more confused, that more regular and uniform.  
There is a threefold love,  
First Divine, and that is altogether spiritual and highly rational.  
Secondly, there is a natural love, and that may be bruitisn as well as rational.  
Thirdly, there is a moral love, and that consists in a mean betwixt both, evermore the thing beloved gives the denomination to love; if the object be divine, it is a divine love; if sensual, it is a brutish love; if moral, it is a moral love.  
Love is an affection of union whereby we desire and enjoy perpetual union with the thing beloved, and there are these two effects that immediately flow from this union: First, it is transforming and changing by love▪ we are changed into a thing more noble or more vile; so that we debase ourselves when we love any unworthy and inferior thing, whatever we love we give a kind of dominion over us, so that the will loseth its dignity when it loves abject things.  
Again, Love inlarges and widens the heart, not only for the reception of the bounty and generosity of the object, but the object itself is that the heart goes out after when the will is filled with love, it awakens all the powers, and moves all the faculties towards the object, the understanding meditates and is enquiring after the excellency of the thing beloved, still musing and plodding about it; the will is obstinate and will not be charmed of its object; the thoughts they are still kindling the affections who are in eager pursuit after the thing beloved, but I shall speak more particularly to this matter, and explain my meaning in this particularly. My meaning is, that there must be an entire love not only to the qualities of the mind, though those be most worthy, but this love must reach the superficies of the body, if that be ungrateful there cannot be a complacential Friendship; As the interior part must have Analogy to reason, so the external part must be accommodated to the fancy: in short, there must not be conceived in the sancy a disgust against the form and condition of the person, all love gins with the person, if that be displeasing and ungrateful, nothing will satisfy, there is that in the person of every man that either obligeth or disobligeth the fancy: instance, there may be some personal defects which are so natural, that they cannot be divided from the person, and these may be very displeasing; or there may be some cross dispositions, & they may be so riveted by custom, that they will hardly (if ever) be cured; Love studies the person in the first place, and it is most necessary, because as there is a kind of antipathy in some persons to some creatures, so that they cannot be brought to take any pleasure in them, so many times we see an antipathy in men against such particular persons; there is no more reason to be given for the latter than the former, yet the contrariety is as evident in the one as the other, and this may be occasioned by the mistake of fancy, rather than any real defect in the object; the eye of fancy may be so vitiated, that it may not be able to behold the clearness of a splendid object with complacency and delight, a weak eye cannot look with content upon a clear air, much less can it behold the sun, there is such a contrariety in them; so that we often draw a curtain between them as a screen or veil, not that the air or sun are not both excellent in themselves but the reason why they are not desirable, is the eye is not receptive of them, because of its own imbecility and weakness: fancy is often surprised in the first choice and election, sometimes it's blind, and declines objects most worthy, and pursues those that are most base and abject, it seldom consults reason, but often betrays it; spacious objects convey themselves through the fancy to the will; the senses they inveigle the fancy, and the fancy betrays and captivates the will: Fancy othertimes is so idle that it will not take the pains to examine things but is put off with outward gaudiness, it seldom is so circumspect to act by rule, and that is the reason we are so uncertain in our first elections of persons and things: Fancy rashly fixeth without the consent of reason, to which it ought to be subservient, rather complying with sense, which makes it stray and warp from the exact rule; it is very hard to secure the fancy which lies open to so many temptations; and if it be betrayed and deluded, it is as hard to reclaim it: I have thought that passage in Samuel worth observation, when he was sent to anoint David, Eliab the elder brother passed before him, he fancies him presently, because he was a comely person: we experience this among ourselves, when we come into a room where we see many strange faces, we take an affection to one more than the rest: Jonathans' heart was knit to David, while he was discoursing with Saul, and he loved him as his own foul: there is no reason to be given why a man should pitch upon one person with delight without the least concern for the rest, but this fancy is surprised, and that so strangely sometimes, that reason cannot prevail to break those fetters the man is manacled with haply to his great prejudice and utter ruin.  
As there are several things that may betray and delude the fancy, so there are things that displease it, that may be removed as a supercilious gravity, this is very ungrateful, yet may not be so riveted as never to be taken away, as a harsh and severe aspect, and the like: but those things that cannot be divided from the person must (though never so ungrateful in themselves) be kindly accepted: that which seems deformity to another which stands at a distance to the object, may appear pleasant to me who am more united, and therefore I may see comeliness where they fancy nothing but the contrary: this being the prudence of friendship to reconcile itself to every thing that at the first view may seem not grateful; if this cannot be done fancy is still uneasy; where there is a latitude, every faculty will endeavour a satisfaction; fancy bears so great a sway in all matters of Love and friendship, that it will be humoured and that in the first place, and the rather because it stands nearer than any other faculty to that object about which it is conversant, it is so considerable, that nothing can be done without it. So there are many things very pleasing and acceptable to the fancy, if it be rightly guided, as an humble demonier, a sweet and amiable conversation: the wiseman observed, that the countenance of a man rejoiceth his friend, if I cannot look upon my friend with delight I cannot love him, looking breeds liking, and proves the inlet to affection: Jonathan embraced the person of David; very pleasant was Jonathan to David, his love passed the love of the most passionate woman.  
Secondly, as we must love the person of our friend, so we must love his conditions, we cannot love his person and hate his conditions, this is a paradox, and altogether impossible: I do not say, but we may and must love the persons of our enemies, though we must hate and abominate their conditions, if they be evil; but this is with a love of charity, it cannot be with a complacential love; what felicity can a virtuous man take in a vicious person, he may love him so as to pity and pardon, and converse with him at distance, but never so as to court his society, and place him in his bosom, it may be my friend is not the most affable courteous and obliging, or the patientest, or the best humoured man in the world, yet I may love him; one worthy quality is enough to make friendship, but the more worthy the greater the reason: a friend must endeavour a reconciliation to the condition of his friend as well as his person, as far as possible, and throw the mantle of love over those defects that are either accidental, or such as are not so riveted that they cannot by contrary examples and friendly arguments be expunged: instance, a passionate man may see so much sweetness in patience that he may abhor contention, and so much pleasure in a free and equal conversation, that he may hate reservedness, and so much grace and beauty in humility, that pride may be cast out as most contemptible: reason will mightily prevail with ingenious persons in this regard, and they may easily be convinced of these vanities which cannot consist with Friendship: love cannot be supported but by that which is substantial, and this must be allowed, that there are some dispositions that cannot comport themselves for Friendship: there are dispositions or rather evil qualities that I could never be reconciled to, and they are especially four, covetousness, and deep melancholy, pride and envy; I couple them together as those tyrants which aim at a perfect conquest over the heart, and life, these can never stand with this relation and state of Friendship, because they are diametrically contrary, and the only poison that corrupt and destroy it,  
First, Covetousness ingrosses the whole heart, and will endure nothing in the least contradictory. Covetousness so debases the heart, that no noble quality can inhabit there; it bends and submits all to the metal it so dearly loves and so highly values, and that is thick clay. Reason, conscience, and affection are all entangled in this golden web, so that they cannot soar aloft either to fix upon, or contemplate those things that ennable a man, and makes him act like himself according to his moral excellencies and immortality of the soul. A covetous man will lay all things at stake, rather than his money; his reputation, life, soul, any thing shall go; see this in Gehezi and in Demas, the one embraced a leprosy, rather than lose a talon; the other forsook God to embrace this present world. Have we not instances of this before our eyes every day, when we see men lay their honour in the dust, sacrifice life, content and every thing to this dumb Idol; that man that loves money more than himself, or God, must needs love it better than his friend, and therefore above all persons fit to be excluded.  
Secondly, melancholy in the extremity of it comes next to be examined, and this always accompanies the former; that fills the heart with distracting cares, vehement desires, which if crossed, presently this is ready, as an effect of that cause; as appears in wicked Haman; he coveted not only riches but honour, as most covetous men do; though they never do a generous act to deserve it; and because he could not obtain it from Mordecai an inconsiderable person in his esteem, he presently falls into a fit of melancholy, and though he had more to boast of then most men in respect of his honour, riches, and favour with the King, yet all this signified nothing, as long as Mordecai stood in the king's gate, who refused that obeisance to Haman, he so eagerly coveted, and so impartiently pined after, and hereupon the devil deludes him, and helps him to hammer out this device in his own shop, (which is melancholy) to hang Mordecai. This was the anvil Haman had been working at before, when he had framed an engine to destroy all the Jews. I cannot find any ill quality excluded from melancholy, as wrath, malice, envy, uncharitableness, mistrust, self-love in the highest degree, and where all these are, we may justly conclude there cannot be friendship: they love nothing but themselves, they indulge themselves, they admire themselves, as if God had created them for no other purpose, or to any other end; and so extreme wilful are they, if they will their own destruction, they will effect it, they are naturally the greatest cowards in the world, and they cannot be otherwise, except carried out by some violent motion, as pride, jealousy, covetousness, or malice; etc. they will lay violent hands upon themselves, and this they call resolution, but it is the cowardliest act possible to come upon nature when it is naked, and destroy it, when by starving or discontent nature is brought low, to lay violent hands upon it this cannot be valour. I dread nothing more than this pettish humour and disposition; I could never make friendship with a person who in all respects I might believe would be as prodigal of my life, should I trust it with him as of his own. Many Examples we have of this daily, and much blood hath been shed by melancholy, that often harbours such discontents, that nothing but blood can satisfy, and not seldom the blood of those they have most reason to preserve; Judas was such a one, who through covetousness first betrayed his master, and after through melancholy hanged himself.  
Secondly, let us consider the other couple pride and envy. A proud man cannot be a true friend because he cannot deny himself, in any respect: He wholly aims at himself in his thoughts, words, and actions; his honour, pleasure, ease is all he looks after; he is not solicitous how it fares with others: He will be a Diotrephes and have the pre-eminence: he cannot give place: himself is his end, and his will is his rule, by which he squares all his actions▪ and the Law he endeavours passionately to bring all others unto subjection to, at least all those that are under his power and jurisdiction: like Haman he will rather lose his life, then abate any thing of his pride, is contentious and clamorous and cannot stand with friendship. jehu-like he carries on all his designs: he is well learned in the art of multiplication and addition▪ but a novice in the rule of substraction, except from others to himself. Pride is an unbecoming garment, let it be never so splendid in show, it is but a fools coat: a proud man is still building up his own reputation with the ruin of others, he thinks himself always degraded when another is valued; and whatsoever is attributed unto another, though never so just, he thinks it a wrong done to him: he would willingly engross all the applause unto himself, though he never appear in any generous action to deserve it▪ he cares not who loses, so that he may gain: he will rather rob God himself, as Herod did, then deny applause: he will blaze abroad any thing that hath but the appearance of good, but will seldom or never do any praise▪ worthy act: upon an address to him, let the complaint be never so just, and the address never so humble, and the object never so deprorable, he is no way affected, but like Nabal a man cannot speak to him: he covets to be admired by all, but obliges none: feared he may be, but never loved: this man may promise fair, but he is so uncertain, you cannot trust him: by all which it is clear that a proud man cannot be fit for friendship, that requires all the contrary dispositions, and must possefs them, or cannot be at all.  
Secondly, Let us consider a little of Envy. Solomon saith, make no friendship with an angry man, and with the envious thou shalt not go: and here (that I may not be mifunderstood,) we must distinguish of anger. I do not mean by anger here, the boiling of the blood, which comes from a natural cause, this is like a flash of lightning, soon come and soon gone: This is found to be the consequence of the best disposition; but I mean by this anger, that which ariseth from an envious heart, that cannot sleep except they have done mischief. These are like thunderclaps secretly wounding to the very heart, and bears down all before it. Solomon observed this, who can stand (saith he) before envy. Such have those things in their hearts, and practices that cannot possibly abide with friendship, but would immediately, like a worm, eat out the substance of it. This anger or rather revenge rests in the bosom of these fools: It is not a wayfaring man that continues for a night, but an inhabitant that is always at home plotting and contriving how to tread down credit, estate, life, and all, if it stand in its way. An envious man hath these qualities, he is soon disobliged, never reconciled. He can forgive (he will say) but never forget: he is constant in nothing but vexation: his tongue a persecutor: his heart like the troubled waters, casting up nothing but mire and dirt: Such a one was Simei, his revenge to his servant was so great, that he must follow him with the peril of his own life. You know what Simei was, by his railing at David: doubtless he was an envious and a malicious man: he that will prefer his passion before his own life, will hardly value the life of his friend. The calm temper is the best accommodated for friendship: how much better is a handful of green herbs, where quietness is, than a stalled ox with strife. A malicious man cannot be grateful; he is satisfied with nothing: if a man be good he grudges that; if he be evil he will revile him, though he be worse abundantly himself: he is like the witches, that put on their eyes when they went abroad, but when they came home, they put them in their pockets: if he fancies an undervalue, he will hate a man for that, and he will never be serious about the cause of that hatred, but pronounce judgement right or wrong upon the person offending (as he pretends,) he will dispense with all manner of justice in this case: he will do as Felix did by Paul, may be, promise a hearing at a more convenient season, but that season shall never come, he having much more pleasure in aggravating quarrels, then studying peace.  
Secondly, The second qualification is sutableness in conversation and expression. There must be an agreement here, or else no amity, and herein is most of the sweetness of friendship; can two walk together except they are agreed? walking signifies all manner of familiar converse, and sociable delight, and this is very pleasant: I would rather have a friend that could delight me, than one that could enrich me: there is a vast content in the conversation of friends, especialally in their communications, recreations, & negotiations. In conversation we express those endearments and affections that feed a real friendship; in communicating our joys and griefs, the first is doubled, the last is divided: with how much satisfaction do friends chat away sad times, that otherwise would seem tedious, either by disappointments or actual sufferings; not seldom they discourse themselves out of a pettish humour, changing distracting thoughts and ungrounded resolutions, for a calm and serious temper, and this may be done by solid and serious arguments, wherein there is not only profit but beauty. Solomon says, a word spoken in season how good is it? It is like apples of gold in pictures of silver; friends they have much variety of business to communicate, as their fears, and doubts, perfections, and imperfections; their hopes, and delights, especially their affections, and covenant of friendship which is often renewed. There must be this intercourse between friends to avoid suspicion if they will be happy; and this is exceeding necessary, because fear offers violence to nature, takes away man's strength, draws a cloud upon all his comforts, and lies like a talon of lead upon the heart, we are most times more unhappy in what we fear, then in what we feel: How did Belshazars' knees smite one against another, and his very joints were loosed when the hand-writing appeared upon the wall? Is it not many times so with the best of us, when God writes bitter things against us? a friend in this extremity of affairs comes like the shepherds with tidings of great joy, & declares our peace with God, his good will towards us. These are the heart-cheating arguments, that winds up the heart above those fears, and like the sun dissipates the clouds, and opens a door of hope: fear overwhelms a man, casts him into a swooning fit: a gracious and serious friend revives and restores him to his strength again. Doubts are as inseparable to men in their most serene temper, as motes from the air in the clearest day, or spots from the moon in the brightest night; there is much cause of hesitation in men of the purest and most innocent conversations, they are not without their entanglements, many a perplexing web they spin; but these may be unravelled by a judicious friend, who happily may be skilful, as joseph was to answer those riddles of providence, and resolve those doubts that at present seems intricate, and past finding out. joseph was such a friend to the chief butler: men are many times reasoned off their doubts, and enforced to throw them away, because they cannot abide the test and conviction of reason. jonathan and David the best friends we ever read of, they spent much time in communicating their dispondences and trouble. Saith David, there is but a step betwixt me and death: how affectionately did jonathan resolve this doubt; who alone was the most likely instrument to secure David: which he did, more than promise, in his answer to David's scruple, where he saith, whatever thy soul desires, I will do it for thee, and so goes on with pregnant arguments of his faithfulness to David, whereby he cleared the most puzzling doubt of all by expressing his care and kindness in a matter that concerned David's life: the preserving of which must lose jonathan his crown. jonathan lying under this temptation, no wonder if David had doubts in such times as these are; friends must renew their covenants, as they did, and acquiesce in the faithfulness of each other.  
Again, friends communicate their Joys and hopes; joy will strengthen nature as effectually as fear will impair it: he is no friend that will not be more ready to impart his comforts then his sorrows, which he may do with more freedom & less caution, and may promise himself a mutual satisfaction, which doubles the content. There are many things that cheers the heart, but these being according to the conditions of the person concerned we cannot well define them, but this in the general observe, that whatever is absolutely necessary, earnestly expected, justly due, if accomplished is a matter of joy & delight, and cannot faithfully be concealed; whatever my friend takes pleasure in, I must not withhold but rather augment, illustrate and amplify it, always annexing a complacent behaviour, as the sittest temper for that season, when the heart is upon the wing of hope & joy, that will raise the social communication of friends to a high pitch of satisfaction; when the heart is full of pleasure, it is full of love, and resolution; these being as natural to joy and hope, as discontent and harshness is to fear and doubt: a merry heart makes a joyful countenance: what is more pleasing than a cheerful aspect? hope is to the soul as the anchor is to the ship: it keeps it steady among the most perplexing waves: Joy is a passion arising from the apprehension of some good we have in hand or in hope, relating to ourselves or others: did I apprehend any thing in myself, in the world or in my friend that could be matter of pleasure unto him, I could be neither kind nor civil to conceal it, nor could any thing be matter of joy unto me if I could not impart it, at best it would be but a half joy.  
Lastly, love and delight must be imparted also in this equal conversation: love is the hand within the wheel which turns the whole concern; as the heart must not be without the habits of an entire affection, so our conversation must not be without the acts in our daily commerce: Love is workful and watchful: this passion is very industrious, it's never off from action, nor doth it ever want expression: It shrinks at neither service nor suffering: it is oil to the wheel of action: It thinks no suffering intolerable so long as it enjoys the help of a true friend, who will take up the heavyest end of the burden, putting oil into the wound, and joy into the heart by cheering considerations. In afflictions (saith Job) pity should be showed by a friend. This is the discriminating time; a friend is known in adversity. If a man can delight in his friend when under a cloud, when his lustre is obscured (this speaks a fast friend) and administers great delight: we do not much value our entertainment in a prosperous estate, all will admire the rising sun, but to have an equal respect when declining this is rare, and can proceed from nothing, but an unchangeable affection, which excellently improves all opportunities and seasons to express that love and delight which is consonant unto itself: nothing more sweet than endeared expressions, these leave a tincture upon the heart many days after. How do we ●owle such expressions in our thoughts as honey under our tongue. Love is full of contemplation and invention, and therefore cannot be wanting in expression.  
suitableness in recreation and business in the world is also considerable as that which completes the happiness of this concern exceedingly; if friends differ here, much of their society will be lost. Instance, one man affects serious recreation, another those that are most sensual; these cannot hold correspondency one with another long, but must certainly one time or another hazard a breach, because that their recreations are not only different but diametrically contrary, and consequently will occasion discontent on both sides. A serious man though he may bear while he thinks there is some hopes of reclaiming, yet he cannot always do it because contrary to his reason, affection and humour, nor can he long suspend his censures; on the other side pleasure will so prevail with him that loves it that he will defend it, and contemn reason and religion too, if it stand in opposition to, or in competition with it, pleasure being very attractive and prevailing, nothing more.  
Let your business as much as possible be the same, at least nor contrary; much of the sweetness of Friendship stands in living, walking, working together; there is nothing a man is more impatient of then the absence of his friend: O how he longs for his communion! as the last sweetens and shortens time, so the first imbitters it and makes it tedious; the reason is ready, because there is nothing so harsh as disappointments, especially in those things wherein we expect the highest satisfaction and pleasure; suitable to men's negotiations such are their conditions and affections; If a man's business carry him far away, so that he stands at a great distance to the object, you will soon see coldness in affection, carelessness and unconcernedeesse will follow immediately; and as clouds will darken the splendour of Friendship, though it shined never so bright before, and that because they cannot be capable of those acts of kindness which beautifies and maintains Friendship: besides they meet with many diversions and temptations, which like a moth will soon deface the beauty and glory of this concern.  
There must be suitableness in the expression of our love; we must not observe different methods in the expressing of our affections: there is more in this then at the first view doth appear or we think of: the want of this hath occasioned much difference among Friends, and created many causeless suspicions, when their manner of expressions hath been contrary: Instance, some are more open and free, others more close and reserved; the first cannot believe any temper so contrary to generosity, can haveany consistency with Friendship; the latter suspects the former, as altogether appearing in hyperboles, thinking that they rise to high in their expression to be real and so censure and slight it, though it be never so ingenious and certain. But when that method is the same, how confirmed and fixed is the friendship; and this is not hard to be brought to pass among prudent persons, which though at the first they seem very different, yet they will soon agree: if they argue the case, and yield on both sides to that which comes nearest the rules of a perfect friendship in that latitude in which it ought to be considered, I think this would be one of the first things I would study, were I to contract a well grounded friendship. I never affected hyperboles in friendship; though some say in love they are most comely; because by the same reason I may not believe some, I may question all that is expressed by them. A true expression is most pleasing and insinuating: some truths may be more valued than others; not that there is any defect in truth, but there may be in them that receives it. We value all truths, but especially those we best understand, and is of greatest use unto us. Some truths may be so high that we cannot reach them: others may be so contrary to some tempers that they will not believe them, and hereby truth passes under a notion of falsehood, men are hardly brought to believe that in others which they cannot find in themselves; never insisting upon their own incapacity for it, because that were a secret reproof, and a close reflection, and therefore are more prone to conclude things impossible they cannot possess, than prize or value them in another. Neither would I be too low in my expressions; this were coming as short as the other was shooting beyond the mark; because high affections are always accompanied with proportionable expressions. Nor could any thing mean be accepted; where there are such vast expectations, as in friendship; but prudence may so regulate this affair, that neither demonstration nor expression, confirmation nor affection shall be wanting; as also bend all things to the perfect rule, so as there shall appear so much equality as shall reach and continue a real satisfaction and a right understanding of all things that at first seemed to render this sameness in expression impossible or at least uneasy.  
Lastly, above all disparity be careful of this, that there be some proportion in your estates; covet not a person much richer than yourself to make a friend of: you may run into more inconveniences than you are ware of in this respect; sutableness here is as considerable as in any of the former: I would not aim at an advantage here, because as I would not have a friend that could not do me courtesies, so I would not have too great a dependence upon him: it is a more blessed thing to give, than to receive. I would rather take a friend that should share with me, than one that should think my affection a purchase he made by his money. If you fancy a friend that is rich, or rather for his riches, sit down first and consider the charge; this may cost you more than it is worth: we must be very discreet in this case, men cannot long love chargeable things: such persons may expect too much distance, obligation, and service to stand with this relation: you must wisely weigh all circumstances, and not depend too much, if you intent to be happy: Money will beat down the price of friendship and contend for superiority; and will think it very hard to be denied when the least reason of challenge appears, we know, it is too base to be compared with friendship, yet it would be honoured because it has a splendidaspect, it carries its value in its face, & like an usurpers' endeavours to submit to slavery & contempt, that which is infinitely more valuable; true it is a virtuous man may be outwardly mean and contemptible, yet hath a mind more glorious than the gold that perisheth. I cannot but smile when I see persons valued for their money, and they take very kindly, that which would be a vexation to me, which is, to see my servant honoured above myself. How contemptible would many be, (though they make a great noise in the world, and are clothed in gorgeous apparel) if their golden servant were gone, that they are adored for: such a man would be despised though he be now like Dives, as Lazarus upon the dunghill, there is no real worth in gold, all is but fancy: there is more worth in a piece of bread, or in a draught of water then in all the silver and gold in both the Indies; Heathens could see this.  
We read of the Medes that they did not care for silver, and for gold they had no delight in it; It is hardly to be credited how wise men do adore this dumb Idol, and value themselves by it, stripping themselves of robes and clothing themselves with rags, I mean when they debase their reason which is the crop and glory of man in his moral capacity, and clothe themselves with thick clay, I could never honour nor esteem a worthless man, though I saw him tumble in gold, no more than I could value a puppet because he had glittering attire. I cannot admire persons, as they admire themselves if their greatest excellency be riches, and are only happy that they have what their money can procure, making a hundred things necessary to themselves, men of real worth could live and be happy without. I will never make a friendship with one that must maintain me: it is ten to one if ever I should be brought to set so high a value upon an estate, as those whose property it is would expect, if all the gold & silver in the world were put into one scale and a virtuous man in the other, the latter would mightily overbalance. I will bless God for plenty, but abundance I would be afraid of; and evermore remember what we are taught in our Litany to pray, which is, in time of our wealth, good Lord deliver us. If money were as little valued as virtue, and a greater price put upon goodness, we might yet live to see some happy days. There is nothing more contemptible than those that look no higher than money; they cannot be honest, they will make shipwreck of a good conscience to get it, nor are they desirable, because so low in their ends and aims, that they do not think it worth their while to drive any other trade, but their profit: they will not be rational for fear they should not be rich; they cannot look off from their wealth, nor study any other mystery: These persons will never be at the charge of friendship: all your endeavour there will be like water spilt upon the ground, that can never be gathered up again, no suitable returns can be expected.  
The third qualification, is self-denial: this is most necessary in friendship: friends must not be wilful; there may be seasons when they cannot deserve that name, if they cannot deny themselves. Jonathan denied himself eminently for David, they were both obliging, but jonathan exceeded, because though he knew David would prove a supplanter, yet he consulted how to preserve him, hazarding the loss of his crown and kingdom. A man will in some respects do more for his friend than himself, in a way of self-denial: many men would be reduced to great straits, rather than court some persons for themselves, yet can cheerfully do it for their friend, I could deny myself estate, habitation, relations, any thing for my friend, but reputation and conscience; to sacrifice the first were to lie under a crime unpardonable aniong men: the violating of the last a sin inexcusable before God: both which would make me too base for this concern; no person fit to be trusted with friendship, that can prodigally part with those things so precious, that nothing can repair, or expiate.  
The fourth qualification: there must be freeness and openness of heart; freedom and friendship is inseparable; and can no more be divided then the cause from the effect; Reservedness cannot be admitted: It is too late to lock the cabinet when the Jewel is gone: where I can give my heart, I can reserve nothing: true love allows neither reservation nor exception, all is free; their intercourse is without violence. How insinuating is affection! how easily it winds itself into the heart? If I cannot live in the heart of my friend, he is no friend to me. And if he be an openhearted man he is openhanded: he that hath access to my heart, hath a key to my cabinet, or else no freedom, and consequently no real friendship. A generous man can as freely give as receive, he hates covetousness: If there can be no friendship without exchange of hearts, surely then the heart comprehends all things else inferior, and speaks a full possession of all things that are near and dear to a man. There is a reciprocation of affairs between friends: all things are common: there is but one common stock between them it is true, the property may be in one, but the use must be in both: there is nothing so low as money among friends in their esteem and value: and if they can part with every thing else, they will never grudge that; nor can any prudence restrain a man who hath voluntarily put his friend into possession, and bound himself to maintain it, and can no way be disobliged but by the worst perfidiousness possible; there is no contending for propriety in this state: if my estate snall not serve my friend, I will never give him that name.  
The fifth qualification is Wisdom: a▪ man of understanding is of an excellent spirit; wisdom makes the face of man to shine upon his friend with heart-gladning rays. Solomon is said in respect of his wisdom that he was as an angel of God. And indeed nothing makes a man in his moral estate more divine than wisdom. A man cannot be happy except his friend hath competent wisdom. I grant that there are differences in men: some are not so capable as others: proportionable to the wisdom of our friend, so is our wealth in him; that is the greatest treasure because most excellent and useful: there are many intricacies a man winds himself into; sometimes by impudence, othertimes by ignorance; the clue is in the heart & hand of a judicious friend, that may bring him out: If my friend be wise, I can confide in him in the worst of times: many  men have been undone for want of this: how oft do we hear them complaining? all this evil is come upon me, because I had no serious, wise, and faithsul friend to advise me in this or the other affair, but now it is too late, I am ruined: If joabs' wisdom had not interposed, David had been undone in that case concerning Absalon. A wise man can see an evil before it comes, and extenuate it when it is come. A prudent man foresees the evil, and hideth himself and his friend both; they will be together. It was no small advantage to Pharaoh that joseph foresaw the evil of famine coming upon the land of Egypt, when it came how easy it was made by the wisdom of joseph, the story will inform us. There are many things to be done before we come to an undoing necessity: a wise man foresees that, and does that now by way of prevention that an imprudent man would wish he had done, when the extremity is upon him. Wisdom is most desirable in this regard, because there is no great want, where it is rightly improved: it is the ladder by which men climb up to honour, and is useful in all conditions; in prosperity a wise man will remember that he is in slippery places, and therefore will look well to his steps; in adversity, that he hath many temptations, and therefore must be serious and considerate. Let a wise man be cast into never so much mire, and trampled upon, he sparkles like a diamond still; nothing can deprive him of his worth and excellency. True it is, that wise men are not always rich, nor rich men are not always wise, yet the former may and shall have the preeminency, riches and greatness being both subordinate to wisdom: the poor wise man delivered the city, when the king could not do it by his honour, wealth, and strength: Have we matters of high trust? none more fit to commit them to, than a wise man: In troubles he will support, in straits he will direct, in most perplexing business and puzzling doubts he will advise when to be active, when to sit still; none fit for sriendship but these: many there are that are faithful and affectionate, and would be very active, if they knew how, or in what method, but for want of wisdom; They conclude all their good desires in a few empty wishes, which may satisfy themselves, but never serve their friends: but wife men are most useful, therefore much to be ambitioned: this is an indifpensable quali●y for friendship which must be endeavoured with all possible care.  
The Sixth qualification is faithfulness: this is the cabinet that contains our most precious jewel, I mean the secrets of the heart): secrecy in a friend is the most precious part of friendship, and that because there is assigned to that part the highest trust imaginable; a defect here cannot be without the greatest treachery conceivable; because it makes a perfect divorce, and strikes against the very nature and essence of friendship; Solomon observed that a faithful man conceals the matter. There are many things between friends; that are in no case fit to be revealed, nor cannot be done but with the greatest treachery, because thereby a man betrays the highest trust, which nothing can make a crime more unpardonable. The intercourses between friends, cannot be revealed without detriment, because expressions of kindness (though innocent) may by an unfaithful repetition, prove prejudicial and slanderous. There are these things especially in a faithful man, that challenges our respect and value, and renders him exceeding precious, First, he is true, you may trust him: he doth not wear like Jezabel, a painted outside; or like the gallants of our times, that hath the most endeared expressions in their mouths, their voice is the voice of Jacob, but their hands the hands of Esau. And this is very much to be admired, especially in persons of ingenuity, because men naturally love truth, and value things according to truth, Instance, a picture if it be never so curiously drawn, shall obtain no reputation, if it do not resemble the person it represents. No wonder there is no more love in the world, men cannot trust one another, Joab-like they cry, my brother, and smite deadly. Is not a faithful friend to be valued in such times as these; when there is a lie in the right hand of those that in compliment pretend the greatest reality, if I cannot believe a man, I cannot trust him, nor treat him without suspicion, nor value him; nothing more destructive to friendship, than falsehood; nothing more obliging than faithfulness.  
As a faithful man is true, so he is honest and just: he is a covenant-keeping man, as well as a covenant-making man; and this is considerable, because in all friendships there must be covenants: you see that between David and Jonathan the pattern of friendship: the covenant of God was between them: it is called the covenant of God by way of eminency: for every thing in Scripture that hath the name of God annexed to it, as the city of God, or the mountain of God, or the temple of God, this speaks the eminency of those things. The covenant between friends is not a trivial thing, but weighty, and seriously to be heeded: we ought not to break promise with an enemy, God hath severely fallen upon covenant breakers, and good men have been very conscientious in making good their covenants, as we may see in the case of the Gibeonites, Josh. 9 15. Joshua knew that they were deceivers, and that they had sinisterly brought him into league with them, yet the league being made Joshua could be no way discharged by any manner of prudence, piety or policy. Many men make● covenants, but few keeps them. Covenants are very binding to men of honest and just principles 〈◊〉 bind the conscience, as well as the reputation, a prudent man will not be brought into covenant, when he foresees a breach unavoidable; because as a man cannot be wise, rashly to promise, so he cannot be just, if he doth not exactly keep 〈◊〉 There is nothing next to holiness more valuable than justice, next to believe and be saved that golden rule takes place, do as you would be done unto. A man that is faithful cannot be bribed by profit, nor biased by pleasure to prejudice hi● friend, he cannot be uncertain, you may know where to find him: he is not a friend to day, and an enemy to morrow; as he never fixed without deliberation, so he can never alter without great provocation. The place where our treasure lies must be certain, or else the treasure cannot be safe: none can pick this lock. A faithful man will not only hate unfaithfulness in himself, but he will endeavour to make others faithful, with whom his friend is concerned: the concernments, as well as the person of his friend so considerable to him; in all disputable matters he will make the case his own; he will never see his friend condemned where he ought to be justified: in all actions that concern him his help and assistance is never wanting: he will not say, am I my brother's keeper? but will be a wing to cover: a succour in the most uncomfortable times: a faithful witness for him, and will have a due respect unto all his concerns.   

The Seventh qualification is humility: This is like oil that makes the wheels of friendship go more smoothly: how amiable is humility? It not only sweetens the conversation of friends, but graces & adorns them more than honour; before honour is humility, saith the wise man; humility is acceptable both to God and man; God ascribes wisdom unto it, with the lowly is wisdom, and man gives him greatest reverence and respect; an humble man is a selfdenying man; he can heighten his friend and undervalue himself, he contentedly will decrease, that his friend may increase: how willingly will he throw of that applause from himself, he would court for his friend. Humility is a garment that becomes the greatest prince in the world: An humble man studies not so much his perfection, as his imperfections: he contentedly passes under a cloud without any noise, and thinks himself most happy when least observed: can retreat when there is no reason for it, but his humility: h● readily and freely submits rather than make a quarrel whoever doth the injury: he is always on the yielding side; I do not mean a base submission by this compliance, as a transferring that crime, which is properly another's to myself: this is the picking of a thorn out of another man's foot, and putting it into my own. Religion bids me submit where there is cause, and reason tells me it is baseness and pusillanimity to do it where there is none. I ever abhorred an unworthy detraction and submission, as being against my reason and conscience: it appearing unto me as high a piece of hypocrisy to condemn myself, where I am sure I am innocent, as it would be pride to justify myself where I know I am guilty; besides, hereby I put myself into a necessity to beg that pardon from another, which otherwise he would have seen reason enough to have desired of me: such compliments as these I could never fancy, nor rationally approve, because I never saw any other effect proceeding from that cause, but shame and scorn, for men though never so criminal would gladly be thought innocent, yet they will not not be at charge to deserve it: nor will men willingly consult reason against themselves; they will go thus far, and judge by the rule of contraries, if you are guilty, I must be innocent, How irrational is it, for a man to brand himself to please another, thereby making himself liable to those reflections that may one time or another prove more prejudicial to his peace and credit, than any present advantage he could propound unto himself, in so base a piece of self-denial: I never thought submission the best way of reconciling quarrels among equals, but rather the most effectual way to augment and heighten them. I would yield very far before I would make a quarrel with them I love, but if there could be no prevention of a just quarrel, I would not submit; because if I submit, thereby I make my accuser my judge in his own case, and must stand to his mercy, and though he might reprieve and not condemn me at present, yet still I lie under the lash of his judgement, whenever he pleases to impose it; the fear of which would make me a perpetual slave, and still confirm his jurisdiction over me, which I can never wrest out of his hand, (having voluntarily invested him with it) without hazarding a greater quarrel than before; and that because by this act I put an undervalue upon him, and think him not worthy of that place I had first invested him with by my own voluntary act; which he will now hardly part with, because compliance and submission is so grateful to most persons, that they having once obtained it, they will contend hard for it, rather than make a surrender. The most advisable thing in this case, is, to forget the quarrel, and time will wear off that animosity, and convince that the interest of friends is to make peace, rather than improve quarrels, and to be always studying that method that may effect this to a mutual content and the least prejudice. But I return from this digression. In short, humility hath these things to commend it: an humble man will easily admit of all manner of addresses; he is not lordly and stately, nor doth he stand at so great a distance, as a proud man doth: this is very insinuating & captivates the heart, by this means Absalon stole the hearts of the men of Israel again; an humble man cheerfully receives all complaints, and seriously studies all manner of satisfaction to the complainants, and willingly complyes to all just and handsome things.  
The eighth qualification is resolution; Neither time, place, nor person can make a true friend unfixed: time that wears every thing else, will rather beautify, strengthen, and augment, then impair friendship, because every day heaps up new endearments, by which it is made more complete and confirmed. There is a tye upon friends that is like the marriage-knot, nothing but death can dissolve; and indeed they have need to be resolved, else they will never stand and fall together, which they must do, if they are real: courage in a friend is most necessary, especially in time of imminent danger: a friend will not cowardly lose the life or reputation of his friend: he will hazard two in this case, rather than lose one. Jonathan was a resolved man, neither honour, life, or any thing could make him unfaithful to David: every man is at his liberty before the friendship is made, but not afterward; therefore must be resolved, There is no wisdom in first resolving and then making inquiries: we must consider the charge of friendship before we begin and be satisfied in this, which is a great truth, that though friendship be most , yet it is not without trouble; no estate nor person without exception in this lower land; you will find disappointments entailed upon the best of persons and things, which should quicken our diligence and care, and heighten our resolutions; friends must not be like bowls, that every small rub will put off their bias: they must expect many apples of strife to be thrown between them by the devil and men of dividing principles: both envying the beauty and comeliness of that state; friendship always attracts the eye: we see many gazing upon it, but not the heart, because few understand it. They that have a near inspection into the excellency of this state have a high value for it, not so much for its outward beauty, as inward excellency: and these greatly esteem a true and faithful friend though they have not always opportunity to obtain it, others are utterly uncapable of ever obtaining it, & they hate the persons in whom they see a capacity for it, merely for their friendship; like the fallen angels that kept not their first estate, and therefore hates all those, that are not plunged with them in the same unhappy estate. I have seen persons greatly respected while they carried it at a distance each to other, but afterwards when they have been observed to unite in their affections, have been hated, vilified, scorned, and scandalised; such is the enmity there is in some persons to this relation: and this may procecd from one of these causes.  
First, Satan seems to be concerned in this matter: knowing that the improvement of reason and virtue mightily prepares the heart for grace, the young man in the Gospel in respect of his morality was a great proficient, he is said by the best testimony to be not far from the kingdom of God. Men in friendship much improve, because they are always studying things grateful, comely, and acceptable, and in this united capacity, are not liable to those various temptations that men of contrary tempers are ensnared by, Satan perceiving this, studies all possible means to embitter this state, and as an effectual means to reach that end, he sets profane men at enmity against those innocent persons; and these are not only enemies to the pleasure and profit of friendship, but are at enmity with the persons, & this proceeds from their ignorance as well as satins malice; they understand nothing of what they censure and revile, fond conceiving, that every attainment they h●●e no part nor interest in, not worth the having; never considering their own incapacity for it, who are so turbulent in their humours, cross in their qualities, that they can never arrive at so much composedness, as will comport with this temper: nor is it altogether ignorance, but envy also will be concerned, which delights in nothing more than to spot this innocent garment. I would never esteem that friend that were not resolved never to decline me upon any account whatsoever. This was a great amplification of Jonathans' love unto David, his resolution never to desert him, rather running the hazard of his father's displeasure, the loss of his crown and kingdom, and which is more his precious life, then deal falsely in this covenant. I would take my friend, as a man takes his wife, for better for worse, and resolve with Ruth, whither thou goest I will go; where thou lodgest I will lodge, thy people shall be my people, thy God shall be my God, where thou diest, I will die, and there will I be buried: resolution is the note and character of a true friendship, and loudly speaks it neither tottering nor unsound. If Jonathan could have been corrupted in his love to David by any temptations, there was enough to do it; if threaten, accusations, or entreaties could have prevailed, it would have been done, as the history will inform us: but Jonathan could not fear the one, nor credit the other against his friend; nor is it every little slip in friendship itself would do it: it must be some capital crime that can ma 〈…〉 separation; True it is that a man is not always grateful to himself, and therefore cannot be so to any other, at all times, sometimes friendship comes gloriously arrayed, othertimes is clothed in rags; shall a man decline his friend, because he doth not appear always so splendid as at other times, and say he is no friend? this is as irrational, as to say a man is no man, because he hath not on his best clothes: there are many accidents that may render a man less pleasing and acceptable at one time than another: the various tempers of body and mind doth make a great change: these must be considered and allowed: little things will not stick with a resolved friend.  
The ninth qualification is compassion and tenness of heart: this is the cordial of friendship, and the hand that binds up the breaches in the heart, that which repairs the defects of nature and puts life into a dying person, this is that oil that sweetly runs into the wounds of a perplexed heart and heals it, that hand that wipes tears from the eye, and takes the burden from the heart: it was not the smallest part of Jobs misery, that he had not compassionate friends in his afflictions: In affliction (saith he) pity should be showed by a friend, but miserable comforters are you all. If there can be pleasure in affliction this is it, that I have a concerned friend: every compassionate friend is a man of bowels; he is afflicted in all that his friend is afflicted, and will as freely share with him in his sorrows, as in his comforts; this is matter of great lamentation in affliction that we have none to pity us, the consideration of that doubles the misery and adds weight to the burden, but this cannot be the case of him that has a true friend: upon a sick bed who makes the bed so easy, as a compassionate friend? no society so pleasant and diverting as he: in pain who is so merciful? in penury who is so bountiful? many will pass by in straits, as the priest and the Levite did by the poor traveller; but a friend will, like the good Samaritan, give oil for his wounds, and wine for his heart, he will put his soul in his souls stead, and do for him what he would desire for himself, were the present case his own. Here the golden rule shines brightly, do you as you would be done unto. This was the season Jonathan made use of to express his bounty and compassion unto David. There is nothing more obliging in friendship than compassion: a fellow-feeling and sympathy in our friend is very grateful, when like the two twins History speaks of, these sociable companions laugh and weep together; these are like the strings of a viol, touch one and the other trembles. As their sufferings are mutual so are their satisfactions. A man is not seldom more concerned for his friend then for himself. I have experienced this, who have sometimes born afflictions with so much the more paence and satisfaction, because it passed by my friend, and kindly took me: the reason is ready, because a great cross upon the body is more easily born, than that which is smaller upon the mind. It is with the mind as with the body, those distempers that touch the vitals are more dangerous▪ than them that are accompanied with more exquisite pains in the body; so heart afflictions are most vexations: when my friend is under any affliction, my mind is troubled, and I feel that pain in my heart for him, that perhaps he feels far enough from his. I have been more amazed and affrighted at the sufferings of my friends, than I could have been at the apprehension of my own death, and would willingly have purchased life to them, by losing my own.  
As compassion is free, so it is pleasant: how cheerfully will a compassionate man look upon his friend in distress? not that he is not sorry for his affliction, but to show how pleased he is to help and assist him: God loves a cheerful giver, so doth man. The aspect of a man in giving and receiving doth very often discover the heart of the giver; for men can hardly, handsomely dissemble it here: when favours come●▪ from persons only moved by credit and relation, and not from love, how slowly do they come, the chariot-wheels do move heavily then, but when they come from a compassionate friend, they fly and come insensibly, nor is this all; compassion goes farther, to acts of clemency also: that is a true friend, who can hearty forgive, and pass by infirmities, without reflection: he will not make a quarrel upon every slight occasion, he is more prove to pity then to reprove, he doth not study exceptions but compliance: he will ever make the best interpretation possible: and look over the mistakes of his friend with allowance, and where he finds a blot he will draw it fair again: he will treat him with all civility and tenderness, reprove kindly and seasonably, excluding all manner of harshness, clothing himself with all humility, gravity, and civility: and upon the discovery of any error, if it be not very criminal, he will say as Eli did of his sons, this is not a good report I hear of you, friend. Wisdom as well as tenderness is also necessary in this case: the well management of a reproof is a very nice point, few understands it, and as few are acceptable and successful in this regard. Amiableness in the countenance, sweetness in the expression are the best expedients, and seems to be the most effectual means, to convince without leaving the least scar on the reputation, or disquietness in the mind: few persons love a reprover, yet Solomon observed, that men of wisdom do, reprove a wise man and he will love thee.  
The tenth qualification, there must be complacency and delight as well as profit in a friend, a man takes more pleasure in his friend, than in all the world beside: all other things are to him at a distance, and we know things remote give no great delight; the more united, the more pleasure: the sun under a cloud is not so desirable, because it stands at a greater distance to the visive faculty, as when it shines clearly without any interposition. Solomon observed, that it was a pleasant thing for the eye to behold the sun, in its rays, when nothing intervened between the faculty and the object: here are two things especially to be considered in friendship in order to a complete delight and complacency; that is, proportion and propriety: These seems to be the basis upon which that fabric stands: proportion not only prepares for it, but greatly supports it; and propriety conveys the pleasure and sweetness of friendship to the respective persons, by multiplying endearments, and such expressions which immediately proceed from a well-grounded affection: how pleasant is a Romance tha● doth but feign friendship? and is not friendly commerce and communion that is real more considerable? can a picture though never so well drawn give the content the person can that it represents? we find they oftener draw fears ●rom our eyes then convey pleasure to the heart, because they oftentimes tell us, that our dearest friend's are either lost, or at so great a distance, ●hat we find more reason to despair then hope, ●nd this fills our hearts with sighs and cares: propriety in a friend is the surest tye, and the greatest obligation: certainly there is a superlative satisfaction there, which appears not more in ●he communion than in the heart-breaking thought and languishing desires in case of absence's: and this is most evident by our longing & ●ighing after that person we have happily fixed ●oo much upon, ever to be contented without the ●eal possession and constant enjoyment of; yet so unhappy because of some cruel accident intervening, that we cannot enjoy the object; that there ●s a transcendent content and pleasure in the relation and state of friendship, we cannot want arguments enough to prove, especially this, because we find there, that which in the highest measure will gratify both the rational and sensitive appetite: and this is done when by arguing & useful discourses doubts are removed, & fears ●ly away; how gladly do we welcome that person that can inform us of those things that are the causes or consequences of our joys and griefs; reason will command reverence, and comes with that power and efficacy as is ; passions may be reproved, but reason must be honoured; to which persons that are not wholly brutish will easily consent because of the nature of it which is sublime and excellent, and yet easy and necessary: there we find such depths that the Elephant may swim, such shoals that the lamb may wade; no greater pleasure to the senses (which must be satisfied as well as reason) than the delight of friendship, which is elevated by the pleasantness of the person and the certainty of the interest that he hath in that person: David saith of Jonathan, that his love passed the love of women: propriety and interest raises the affections and completes the felicity of this concern: the words of a friend drops like an hony-comb, much more is a solid reason accepted, which is like music to the ear, light to the eye, and a cordial to the heart; strips the person from his fears, and clothes him with serenity and peace; I can never fully speak the excellency of this concern: give me leave to call in the testimony of those that have fully enjoyed it at one time, but unhappily lost it at another: these can more pathetically speak the excellency of that state; we never come seriously to prise things till after we have lost them; and in our mourning habit we are most talkative about the pretiousness of that we can never recall: that which aggravates any loss, is the speciality that is upon it: an only son or an only friend, this is that which imbitters the cross; David sadly resented the death of Jonathan, it was a loss as cruel as death, David's complaint for Absalon is the complaint of friends when providence makes a final separation, would to God I had died for thee, my friend, my friend: may we not go higher, and with truth affirm, it's like the rending of the soul from the body, it is that one stroke which cuts the nerves and sinews of all our comforts, pleasure and delight: the complacense of friendship is beyond the expression of the best reason; therefore I cannot aim at a perfect discovery: I have given you my twilight apprehensions of it; I proceed to the fourth thing which is the great end aimed at in the relation and state friendship.  
First, the advantage and utility of friendship is first in our eye, as I could never fancy any man whose person was ungrateful, so I could not love one whose parts are not desirable: I can love my friend for any worthy quality, and the more worthy the more he hath of my affections: persons may without censure expect profit as well as pleasure in those things they dearly love, and this is neither mercenary nor unreasonable, but most commensurate and equivalent to the greatest end of friendship; their ends in that concern are the same that his was spoken of in the parable, that sold all to purchase the field in which the pearl was. It was not the seld but the treasure he aimed at; so a man doth not love any person barely for himself, but as the cabinet that contains the Jewel he values, he doth not love the Jewel because of the cabinet, but the cabinet with the respect to the Jewel: we rationally prise things, when we value them according to their usefulness: we prise water, the sun, and bread, because these are so necessary, that we cannot live without them; friendship in some respect is as necessary; as our nature cannot subsist without strengthening and nourishment, no more as we are sociable can we be happy without society: David was fully satisfied in Jonathan, not more for the pleasure he had in his embraces, as the benefit and profit of his counsel, advice, and directions, as also his example, which might prove as great an advantage to David, if not greater than any of the rest: without question that faithfulness and humility of Jonathan was as exemplary to David, as his assistance, and friendship was . A true and faithful friend is one of the richest talents God entrusteth us with: a rich man takes much delight to contemplate his money that lies in such or such a place, it is his only treasure, and where the treasure is there the heart will be, a man's friend is his treasure, and as Solomon observed, money answers all things, that is to say, that money can reach, with as great truth we may say that an ingenious man answers all things that are necessary to a sociable happiness.  
Secondly, Society is one of the greatest ends of friendship, that alliance was first contrived to promote sociable happiness; man is a sociable creature, and there is nothing more equal and consonant to his being and nature than society, because hereby he is most capable of doing and receiving good in that method and manner which is most suitable to his reason and nature, as also his inclination which is generous and not mercenary, he doth not wholly aim at himself; but that which amplifies the enjoyment is, that it is mutual, and can reach the content both of the subject and the object: an ingenious man would not have a friend that cannot benefit him, because than he could not be useful, nor will he so spend and confine his affection, if he sees a worthy person till he knows his reward, or receives earnest by something extraordinary: a true friend doth not study how to enrich himself by his friend's bounty, but how to better himself by his virtues, or else by generous acts and obligations: he is evermore making suitable returns, nothing more contrary to virtuous persons then to levelly at low ends; most ends are too low for love that noble affection, yet we cannot err here, if our scope and aim be at religious principles and rational accomplishments, the last makes us happy as men, the first as Christians.  
Thirdly, a mutual satisfaction is aimed at in this relation of Friendship, and that beyond what can possibly be obtained any where else: what relation is there that will so far comply as a true friend? there is none bound to study my humours but by my friend, who must do it, or he can never deport himself for this relation: there are many paradoxes in friendship, but it is to them that are strangers to the nature of this concern, the mysteries of friendship are very deep, and cannot be fathomed by persons that are wholly strangers and unacquainted with this concern: the sociable delight and mutual satisfaction between friends, though it be very well understood amongst themselves, is very intricate to those at a distance, the conformity of friends are speaking and acting alike, and submitting the reason and will each to other: these are the hidden parts of friendship, and not visible to every eye, the sameness and similitude that is between them is not apprehended by others, yet brings vast contentment to the persons concerned, and exceedingly strengthens and confirms the alliance: we love those that are like our relations, much more those that are like ourselves; how pleasantly can a father look upon his image in his son? and the more suitableness appears in their dispositions, the more rooted and grounded is their affection; we plainly see, there can be no friendship between persons of contrary tempers, but rather antipathies, that which we call prudence is not known among them; for if a man hates a person, he dislikes all things that are about him; so if he loves a person he approves of all things that concern him: when the will of friends are melted, and like lead run into the same mould, than this conformity and the mutual satisfaction of both persons is attained: contrary tempers are like contrary creatures, still at variance: Pride and humility, patience and passion, folly and ingenuity, piety and carnal policy, these can never consist together; contrarieties neither agree in whole nor in part; In short, this conformity is not only excellentest self, but also in its concomitants, and t●ey ●re resolution and contentedness with every thing, especially that which cannot be divided but with a fundamental destruction: To be satisfied with the comfort of friendship without submission to the crosses, is a foundation-errour, and will occasion a breach irreparable; in our humane state, natural defects that cannot be cured: these therefore must not be reflected on in a way of discontent; to reprove or impose an impossibility is alike irrational; it's most unreasonable to dispute impossibilities, and unkind to make grating reflections, because they still turn to scorn and scandal, if they be public, and to discontent and trouble, though they be never so private: I can look upon the natural defects of my friends with more pleasure than the perfections of another, because they are parts of what I dearly love, and so much of himself that they cannot possibly be divided, otherwise I would sooner take part of them myself then dislike them in him: In the first choice I had my freedom, & might have declined the whole if I could not be reconciled to every part, but now I cannot make exceptions but at this hazard, the loss of my friend, or at the least a persuasion in him that I cannot love him so entirely as I ought, and the relation justly challenges: Beauty is not much in friendship, a sociable and amicable disposition is much more necessary, if this be wanting, it is not like some natural defects in the body that art can mend, nothing can supply; all the art of reason and religion together cannot do it; we see this in angry Ionas, whom God could not please, he thought he did well to be angry with God himself. I have sometimes taken much pleasure in contemplating the satisfaction I have observed among friends, how studious they have been to please each other? how ready to serve? how impatient of any interruption to their social delights? how unsatisfied if they could not in all respects reach a mutual content? If to have the greatest contrivance, how to promote our interest in the world in respect of credit, estate, or life, be a satisfaction, friendship is that. If the greatest love, the highest value, the sweetest embraces, the most constant and pleasing communion, care, love, goodness, faithfulness, bounty, ready service be desirable, than friendship is most incomparable. How easy suffering, how pleasant service, and how inconsiderable do life appear, where mutual satisfafaction is in view; where a man would otherwise indulge himself and sit down and consider the expense of a chargeable and painful undertaking before he will venture upon it; it is very observable where mutual satisfaction is aimed at, especially in great enterprises and high undertake, let the conclusion be never so good, if death or any cruel accident have divided the friends, the contents is not half what it would have been, had it been mutual: the end aimed at was the satisfaction of both, which being ardently desired, but really lost, is constantly lamented, and instead of a gainful possession there remains nothing but a melancholy diversion; this constantly torments the mind, which if unquiet will embitter the sweetest enjoyments, David could not receive the news of victory with any satisfaction, because Absalon was slain, who probably he intended rather to reduce then destroy: promising himself a mutual benefit by that victory, how eager are friends to promote the pleasure one of another? they remove all impediments and study all expedients to that effect. He is no friend that hath not experienced this, that upon any offence given as occasioned by him he finds as much trouble in his own heart, as can possibly possess the heart of his friend: grief and anger presently employed; the first that any occasion should be given, or taken to discompose his friend; the last, that he should do any thing to procure it together with thoughts and cares how this breach may be made up again; It is probable every method will not do it. I would bear with any thing rather than consent to a quarrel with a person I dearly loved, but if offences were causelessly taken, I would think it more prudence to dispute it than submit. If I submit I am not only beholding for a pardon, but confess the crime, and become my own judge to condemn myself. I have observed, let the submission be never so ingenious, if the fault be thought great, it will prove but the skinning over the wound, and upon a more muture consideration seem but a small satisfaction. If credit and reputation are concerned in the quarrels and unavoidably sow the seed of suspicion in the heart; to prevent this, deliberation seems most adviseable, in which time the present passion and animosity may wear of, and reason may be heard on both sides, and they may be inclined, rather to lose something of their own right, then appear exact or punctual, the law of friendship absolutely forbidding all such exactness. I would make any interpretation serve, rather than endanger a fundamental difference, because I never yet could be convinced by the observations that I yet could make, that a fundamental breach could be repaired. I mean by this, that which strikes against the nature & essence of friendship. Instance, as the revealing of a secret, a treacherous blow, revile, by which my reputation may be impaired for ever: if such as these occasion a breach, it is like that of a venice glass that can never piece again; art may mend it, but nothing can cement and repair it: there may be reasonings pro and con, and the best argument may carry it for the present, but there cannot be a difference occasioned by any wilful disobligation in any case allowed it being a crime unpardonable, and that which I would never ask forgiveness of; nor could I be satisfied in any friendship I foresaw any thing could intervene destructive to it. I could never love one, I thought, I could possibly be induced to hate: such a thought would prove a grief, that would drown my comfort, and fill my heart with those doubts that never could admit of satisfaction. I come now to the fifth thing premised, viz. the pleasure and delight the ways and friendship is strewed with. Here are many flagrant flowers, we shall gather them as we go.  
The first fragrant flower is this; a man hath something secure in the most uncertain times, and that is no small advantage: you know fortune is very uncertain; the wheel is up to day and down to morrow, and what more common, than to see men valued or undervalved according to their present state, in relation to outward things? all admire those that are uppermost, trampling upon every thing beneath them, looking more at the outward varnish, than the inward lustre; painted scpulchres make a gaudy show, yet have no real pleasure in them, because though they are fair to the eye, they are filled with nothing but rottenness and corruption. Most persons look at the superficial part of a man, wholly judging according to sense without the least appeal to reason, which ought to be first satisfied in every doubtful case, else we may be biased, and being in the dark mistake things to our prejudice. I have read a story of a traveller, that came to a painter in a kind of disguise, and desired to be employed, being of the same profession, and though a great artist very meanly accoutred, the painter received him, and treated him according to the meanness of his present capacity; bread and cheese was his fare, which this artist thought a diet too course for his fine art; he presently paints his mean food most tightly, and goes his way, leaving his new master to lament his ignorance and prejudice in losing so gainful a fervant, which was aggravated by the circumstances that attended it; the master returning miss his servant, but found his breakfast (as he supposed,) and though he were an artist, he ingeniously confessed, that the representation seemed as real to his senses, as the true food did to his reason. The hidden parts of friendship are not visible to all the world, persons in the relation doth not like money carry their value in their faces, yet they are not without true worth, a man can prise his friend in rags as well as in robes. Jonathan would rather strip himself for David than despise him, for want of robes he did not abate his affection to David though he was thrown out of all his honour and splendour he had in saul's court, and was hunted up and down as a pattridge upon the mountains; in prosperity a man will be present with his friend, and consult him how to manage that estate with humility and general content; times of prosperity requires the help of a friend as much as adversity. The rich hath many friends, few frue friends. It is much harder to manage a great estate, than that which is meaner. Men of great estates have commonly greater hearts, and that is the reason they have no more content; in the midst of their sufficiencies, they are in straits: they have many flatterers, few real friends, as Rehoboam had: many that are at their table, that eat their bread, insinuate into their secrets, and yet lift up their heel against them. David's table was not without these, many a good natured man is ruined for want of a faithful friend; we find that while jehojada lived, joas did well, he was a faithful friend, but when he died, joas was soon ruined and undone.  
A faithful man is sure in all times, and upon all occasions. Many accidents may rob a man of his estate, nothing but death can take away his friend. A man can suffer the loss of all carthly comforts, and not think himself quite undone, so long as he hath his friend, which may prove strength in weakness, pleasure in perplexity, treasure in poverty, a sympathizer with him in all conditions, and will be with him in all places, nothing but death shall be able to make a final separation; he will stick at nothing; ingenuity is noble and generous; neither prison nor penury shall frighten him: these are the seasons which he rather courts than fears, because he can here best evidence his immutability.  
Secondly, the second flower we shall gather in this way of friendship, is a support in the most dreadful afflictions; in prosperity help is near, in adversity it stands at a distance: the rich have many friends, but the poor is hated of his neighbour: how seasonable is support in time of extremity; at such a time we value kindness at a high rate, that being the proper season for it, because we try our friends then whether they will assist, when others will not or cannot: there are no seasons so proper and convenient for this purpose as times of great straits & extremites, when may be the condition of a man must not be known by his dearest relations, nor can be but at a hazard of his life or credit: such was David's case, when he fled from Saul; and such is many a man's case: instance, in time of great losses and other calamities, yet a friend must acquaint himself with these puzzling affairs, else he cannot discharge the duty and obligation he lies under: he is bound not to desert his friend, and resolves with Peter concerning his master; though all forsake, he will never forsake him. I would be more diligent to inquire after the necessities of my friend, than after any other thing that concern him, not that I love trouble and sorrow, but I love my friend, and cannot decline that which is inseparable from him; and if I cannot enjoy him no where else, but in the furnace of affliction, I should not think that too hot, a prison would be sweeter to me were he present than a palace without him, because I accept sufferings more hearty with him then pleasure without him, and this is no paradox, If the serenity of the mind be beyond the ease of the body, and reason more to be indulged then sense: it's true prudence may facilitate troubles if the heart be calm, but nothing can do it if that be unquiet; the heart knows his own bitterness, no person else can, except a friend, because hearts are united in friendship, and there is a sympathy; I will study all methods to support & supply my friend, and when I could do it no longer, I would voluntarily suffer with him rather than forsake him: love that warm affection makes adversity easy, at least not so intolerable.  
The third flower we gather in the way of friendship, is a counsellor in doubts. Many scruples doth assail and perplex the heart of a man which in credit and conscience he dares not reveal to strangers. This hath proved the ruin of many a man, and hath betrayed them into many sad temptations, as murder, rapine, and all manner of cruelty, not only against their nearest relations, but against their dearest lives, occasioned either through melancholy, inprudence, rashness, etc. these might have been prevented by a judicious friend, by whom they might have been awed, conselled, and prevailed with to avoid those ways and methods that lead to such extremities, and by whom their scruples might have received a ready and satisfactory resolution, whose tenderness would have invited him to use all persuasive and pacifying arguments. I have seen direful effects myself arising from such causes, how happy had some been of my near acquaintance, had they had a faithful friend to have divided their cares, and untie those knots, melancholy was daily tying to their destruction: how easily might those webs that seemed intricate to them spun by the policy of Satan, and cruel melancholy (that irrational and black companion) have been unravelled, before they could have attained those dreadful ends that have been the consequences of them, you know that a man suddenly unravels that which hath been the work of time: a few well stated arguments hath and may through the blessing of God beat down the batteries, that the devil makes against the precious life of man, as mental discontents are most dangerous: so secrecy in this regard is most pernicious, because the greatest policy the devil hath, is to keep this fire within a man's heart: there he kindles a spark which soon blazes to destruction, especially when melancholy blows the spark; the more secret fire is, the more dangerous; a spark may easily be put out before it comes to a flame, but after it may be impossible: no bodily affliction like heart-trouble, yet these are not to be slighted. job and Lazarus, and many men under distracting pains, as the gout and ●●one, and other violent distempers, hath found friends very necessary, when by a gentle hand their wounds dressed, their bodies supported, when by humouring and content they receive that pleasure, that is not only useful, but exceedingly necessary in such extremities.  
The fourth fragrant flower we find in friendship is a companion in solitary and sad times, society being never more pleasing then in solitariness. I do not mean by solitariness, that retiredness appointed for special duty, and serious contemplation; but such as is the consequence of some cruel confinement, whereby we are denied those innocent recreations and harmless diversions, which would repair nature, that is often tired in conflicting with those distractions and cares that constantly attend such a prison-state, were the heart always upon the wing and fit for divine contemplation, a cave that dark habitation might be as Goshen, a land of light: otherwise it is hard to improve solitariness to any advantage: as I would with much content enjoy my thoughts, and discourse with myself sometimes, so I would as gladly at other times speak my joys, and sad apprehensions of things to my friend, by which I shall double the first, and may diminish the last; besides I shall have this advantage, if I speak my thoughts I shall see what they are by their dress, whether trivial or weighty. I cannot always improve my reason alone, or be so taken with my own conceptions and apprehension of things as to believe them without exception or passable, unless confirmed by those who are more judicious, or at least more indifferent, than I can be in matters that so nearly concern me, arguments debated between two or more seems to be more clear, because they have a greater testimony, than when there is not that advantage: a single testimony will not be accepted in civil things: men can hardly persuade singly in a matter of importance: we see our lawyers and doctors though never so learned are hardly credited except they refer to Authors: nor are we without a divine testimony in this case, as the Scriptures, which declare● that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every thing shall be established; the great conceit that some men have had of their private notions, which may be, have so tickled and pleased them that they have sat down highly satisfied with the validity of them, hath been that which hath proved their greatest prejudice, and often proved a delusion, that pride hath flattered them into making that appear great to themselves that looks throw a multiplying-glass which doubles the species, when indeed if it be rightly considered by an impartial reason and looked upon by a single eye will appear little, and if rightly argued and discoursed by a second person, who can impartially weigh both substance and circumstance, will merit rather shame and conviction, than reputation and satisfaction. I cannot refresh myself with any lawful recreation without a companion, which will sweeten my melancholy walks and shorten the long nights; my meat will not relish well▪ nor my sleep refresh and compose me without a sociable companion: my walks will bewearisome, my work will be tedious, my time will be long, my opportunity of doing and receiving good very short: I can neither manage my general nor particular calling with profit and advantage: I fancy I shall live without being desired, and die without being lamented.  
The fifth flower is a supply in the most uncharitable times: this must come in as a principal part of friendship, which is ever generous and free: a man will deny himself sooner than his friend, and think it the best policy, because his content is more than his money, which he can never enjoy, while he sees his friend in want, how speedily will help come? our Saviour observed this, (saith he) if a man come at midnight to his friend, he will arise in all haste to give him what he needs. Men are not at liberty to give, or not to give: So soon as the friendship is made, we presently come under an obligation, and may as well deny all other acts of friendship, as that, I would be ashamed to own that friend, that should not share in my estate, or enjoy any thing in plenty while he is in penury, he that can keep his money, can keep his heart, and therefore not fit to be confided in. I have sometimes thought the love of money hath been the cause why there is so little friendship amongst men: many have bid fair for friendship but could never obtain it, because the cares of the world, and the deceitfulness of riches have so encumbered the heart, that no place could be found for such an entertainment. If your friend be right, there is no doubt of any thing within his power, he will rob himself rather than decline you, and will without dispute make his estate if you need it more yours than his own.  
The sixth flower in this way is, the protection and safety we have in a true friend: he will venture with us and for us; you need not want a protector if the strength of your friend can do it: he will accompany you in danger, and bring you out of it, if possible, though he lose his life in the service; he will preserve your credit and think no act so honourable as to lose his life for a generous friend. Many instances we have of this in history: a coward is too base for friendship: I would not lead my friend unto danger, nor would I impose any trust in him that should leave me there: If any thing can separate friends, they bore only the name, never knew the nature of friendship: it is a mystery still, such knowledge is too excellent for them, they cannot attain it: It is heroic and noble to prefer the life of my friend before my own, though I am as good as he; and hereby I show my humility as well as friendship, and so add excellency to the action, because humility and charity puts a value upon things, that otherwise would be equal: we are bound to die in some sense for all Christians, and therefore more obliged to do so for a Christian friend, who is to us in this state of imperfection, the most perfect enjoyment, and that which supposeth and includeth all things else that may render us happy.  
The seventh and last flower this way of friendship is strewed with, (to name no more because I hasten) is this: we have a friend, that will be with us in life, and for us when we are dead. This is a flower of the greatest fragrancy, you need not discompose your mind about your children, what shall become of them when you are gone, in respect of care and provision, since you have left half yourself behind: with how much satisfaction doth a man or woman die, beyond others, that hath a faithful friend, their cares are not about their children, they have left them in a safe hand, they neither fear cheats nor wrongs or any unkindness that can be avoided by the inspection, care, and prudence of a faithful friend. David had a respect to the son of Jonathan & set him at his own table. Duration is that which heightens the value of any thing, things of short continuance are not much desirable; though they are sometimes pleasant, they are not so profitable: would you leave a precious Jewel to posteriry when you are gone, make sure of a true friend? would you live when you are dead? would you have a name that should never be blotted out? would you have your ends accomplished concerning your near and dear relations? a true friend is most likely to effect these ends, who will extend your virtues, bury all your imperfections, and engrave that praise and honour upon your tomb, that shall not be razed for ever. posterity are considerable, children lie near the hearts of parents; yet notwithstanding these, nor any thing else to an ingenious man is so precious next to his soul, as reputation whereby he blossoms in the dust, and is had in everlasting remembrance. we come now to the sixth thing promised; namely, how to govern ourselves in the state of friendship in order to the preserving of it: and we must wisely ponder such things as these, and sincerely practise them, as those that are most grateful.  
First, set a value upon your friend above any earthly thing: you must love him as you love yourself: think him worthy of the best affections, and he must have it without reservation, or exception: think no service too hard, no sufferings too much: make him equal to yourself in your care and thought: let nothing in the world stand in opposition to him, or in competition with him, there are 4. things that raises our value and esteem;  worth: usefulness: propriety: and a real affection: he must be worthy, else not capable of friendship, (as hath been already showed:) we have seen the qualifications, which speaks him eminently useful: this worth being attended with benefit, our propriety in all which makes him incomparably also , and if real affection be added, that will challenge our highest esteem and value.  
Secondly, be not harsh in your reproofs: no friend is so perfect but may need it: but do it tenderly in the spirit of meekness. Saith David, if the righteous reprove me, it shall be baulm that shall not break my head: he doth not say, it shall not break my heart, by a sunlike thaw, but it shall not break my brain (was his meaning,) by distracting and perplexing thoughts, and It is more proper for reproof to break the heart than the head: that being the genuine end aimed at among friends: but here we must be wise: discretion is very necessary in a matter so difficult as the well regulating of reproof, there are several methods of reproof, and you must seriously study which of them will suit the present occasion, in this lies the excellency of a wise reprover: sometimes words and arguments will do best, and are most expedient: and these seem most proper for men of patience and reason, who will attend and weigh things, in the balance of a rectified judgement. Solomon speaks of these when he saith, Reprove a wise man and he will love thee. A wise man loves the reproof when it is well managed and seasonably applied. Sometimes a look is sufficient to reprove, our Saviour did but look upon Peter, and this work was done. Sometimes the contrary example will do much. Lastly to reprove in the person of another, seems the most successful way of reproving, because by this without any noise; or ungrateful reflection, you will seriously and severely enough reprove. Thus David was reproved by Nathan the prophet: by this means a man is brought secretly to condemn himself, and save you the labour; never cast any disgrace upon reputation, that is a tender thing, a man would take it as kindly you should touch his life as his credit: then be sure what you tax him with be true: never go upon fancy and suppositions, this will speak you rash, and it will grieve your friend extremely to be causelessly impeached by you who is bound by all manner of obligation to make the most favourable construction: charity as well as friendship enjoins you, never to make an evil interpretation, where you can possibly make a good one: whenever you are tempted to make exceptions, suspect yourself, may be you take offence where none is given: look into your heart, and see that you are free from pride & passion, pride will raise a storm in the serenest temper, passion will cast a mist upon the clearest understanding; besides you prejudice yourself if you are not deliberate and careful, how abashed is a man when he hath reproved rashly? with how much shame is he forced to detract and submit, and instead of a Judge, as he was in the seat of reproof, now becomes a suppliant, where he is not always successful, may be the injury was so great that bare submission would not do it; there must be satisfaction: the first is shameful, the last chargeable; and this, because the offence may be aggravated by circumstances which will admit of no repair, these might easily have been prevented at the first by a solid and religious deliberation: in all things sudden and unexpected we should fuspend judgement till reason be fully satisfied: we every day experience this, that what we madly resolve with Ionas, we soberly repent with Esau.  
Thirdly, whatever you apprehend ungrateful in your friend, never reprove at a distance, or by proxy, much prejudice may be conveyed this way, I mean by these messages or written quarrels. These are very dangerous and shake the foundation of friendship: Instance,  
First, hereby you impeach your friend, and article against him, and that you cannot do without disobliging words, which if by any accident made public, they may admit of divers interpretations; which interpretations will be according to the fancies of those persons into whose hands they may unfortunately come, and from hence may arise this prejudice; the hazard or loss of a reputation; you will afterwards but in vain sadly lament: many shoot here in just, but kill in earnest: Reputation is not to be dallied with, because if it be once lost, it is like yesterday, that will never come again.  
Again, you can hardly avoid the revealing of some secret, passion is a mere blab, & so inconsiderate that it will never make any reflections backward nor forward, as to think, what reason have I for it? or what prejudice may come by it? the disclosing of a secret is always disobliging, and not to be excused, though it be accidentally, not intentionally done. That is a thing that may not be left to hazard: it is like the defiling of the marriagebed, and of all crimes in friendship the most unpardonable, because besides much other prejudice, it blots and defaces your evidences and assurance of the affection of your friend; whom you have so justly incensed, that much time may pass over before a right understanding will be fixed between you again, if ever: I saw a friendship broken by this, that it never peeced again. Nor is it without this inconvenience always attending it, that I do not only speak unadvisedly at the present, but leave it upon record, and that may be against me for ever, writings being for duration, as well as for ratification, and by this adventure we not seldom seal a prejudice and witness together against ourselves, that may rise up in judgement whenever the keeper pleases, and may possibly prove a Lion that may devour all our hope and comfort, when we least suspect it.  
As I would not write quarrels, so I would not send them by the wisest person I ever yet saw, I fancy I never met with any person prudent enough to make up differences between dear and intimate friends; my reasons are these.  
First, friends cannot be more friends one to another then to themselves, therefore they decline judgement in their own case, and address themselves to a third person, not to be condemned, but to be vindicated, which they both expect: nor can this third person be a competent judge, because he can never be rightly informed if there be any secrecy in the case, because all friends lie under this restriction, they cannot reveal a secret that would widen the breach, and make it so much the more impossible ever to be mended, and would prove like the stopping of blood in the nose, by wounding the heart.  
I argue thus, this third person must be such a person, as must have the command of both, otherwise he will be overborn, and then he must act as a mediator or a Judge; if as a mediator he must entreat both, can command neither, and then will very hardly reconcile them; they expecting one from the other, what he requires from both, that is compliance and submission: If he act as a ●udge, he must acquit or condemn, he cannot acquit both; there must be a fault somewhere, otherwise there could be no quarrel, nor can be condemn both with any kind of prudence, for than he leaves them, as he found them, dissatisfied still, if not about their guilt (for possibly they may be convinced they were both in a fault) yet about the measure they may dispute; one will say he is not so much guilty as the other: now unless this last which is the guilt can be determined and ascertained, nothing is done, and this cannot be done but by a definitive sentence upon one of the two, which will be so far from making peace, that it will promote and ascertain the quarrel, because before whateverjudgment passed between them upon either was but judging in their own case, and might be contemned by either without any further breach, but now being condemned by a person mutually chosen, the judgement must stand against that person convicted, and so the quarrel must rest groundedly on that side, which will hardly be submitted to by the other, so then the result will be this, the quarrel that was only between two before, is now between three. Solomon says, he that meddles with contention, takes a bear by the foot; and may get a snap for his pains, but this is sure he shall never pass without a blot. It is most true, that as differences among friends ought with all prudence to be concealed, so if once they come to be public, they can hardly remain friends. I would with much more content in this case make a new friendship than repair the old, this being more chargeable and hazardous, that being more easy and certain.  
Fourthly, Do not readily accuse your friend, nor hearken to them that doth it: the least countenance in this case as it will encourage an enemy, so you yourself may be ensnared: with the well advised is wisdom: if you argue wisely you will never accuse rashly, see that there be good ground for an accusation before you receive it, lest you fail of your evidence, and retreat with shame and loss: nor must you give an ear to others in this matter because this may convey prejudice into your heart insensibly, and make so deep an impression, which though never so false, and ungrounded will never afterwards give place to the greatest truth, having taken the first possession, nor be clearly razed by the best policy, it may disappear sometimes, but like an apparition at other times it will appear again, and possibly prove a constant vaxation either to the fancy as to a man's , or by reflections from others. It seems more prudence to stop the ear against an accusation, then study the most compendious defence; because a man is as likely to be corrupted as the accuser is to be convinced, especially if the last can more wittily manage the scandal, than the first can the truth, varnishes will set off much, and men thtough carelessness sometimes consent to what they could not rationally believe, if they would take the pains to consult reason; I think I would set my head and my heart at work rather than by any consent of mine, give satisfaction to persons at enmity with friendship, or with my friend, as to hearken, much less give the least credit to their impeachments: I should be very unwilling so much to promote my own disquiet; who can have little peace if such an Achan lay in my bosom, which might secretly cut the knot of friendship, or raise such a storm, that could not easily be allayed.  
Fifthly, do not in all companies commend your friend above an ordinary pitch: this may prove his greatest prejudice: he that riseth early in the morning to commend his friend, the wise man saith, it shall be counted to him as a curse: We have a remarkable instance of this in Saul, the women answered ane another as they played, saying, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands, and Saul was very wroth, and this saying displeased him, & Saul eyed or envied David from that day forward. Hereby you draw many envious persons nearly to inspect every of his actions, & in case of the least flaw appearing either in life or birth, improve them to his disadvantage: rather contemplate and imitate his perfections then discourse them, lest you meet with subtle men who are resolved in opposition to you (though may be no way prejudiced against him you plead for at the present) who will be as industrious to fix a scandal as you are to attribute real worth, and they may haply find more arguments for that aspersion, though false, than you can for the truth, especially if you undertake the defence of what you cannot unquestionably maintain, and so as your argument falls, the credit of your friend loses, besides you are apt to mistrust and hesitate about that you cannot say more for, than another can say against, and so instead of bringing your friend into reputation with others, he may lose his credit worth you; not because he deserves it, but because you were not rightly informed and prepared to undertake such disputes: Let your friends good works commend him in the gates: all his praiseworthy qualities must be private, or public, or both: if private, not always fit to be proclaimed, they being never so good, are liable to censure by them that like spiders suck poison where others find honey: the excellency of friendship may be so interpreted that much prejudice may accidentally ensue thereby: some men are prone to censure, what they cannot understand, others willingly shut their eyes, because they cannot look upon that without prejudice in another, which makes them so much more splendid than themselves: It is with them, as with the weak eye which cannot behold the sun in its body, not that there is any defect in the object but the defect is in the visive faculty which should receive the same.  
Again, if they be public, they need no pleader, they will plead for themselves, and force a reputation from those that are not wholly barbarous, or (that which is worse) prepossessed with ungrounded prejudice. I never saw high commendations, but they were seconded with exceptions, the arguing of which have created many a quarrel, and set the end aimed at, at a greater distance.  
Sixthly, if you have been free and generous to your friend, never upbraid him with it: this is most base and disingenuous, and that which a noble spirit would blush to think of: nothing is more disobliging than this, and speaks a man of a lower spirit: hereby he doth not only undervalue his friend, but he discharges him of an obligation he greatly lay under before, and puts himself out of any expectation of a compensation, let his civilities be what they will; I could never think myself obliged where upbraided, that being a rate too dear for any courtesy: and in this case I may more justly expect satisfaction, than give it: I would never bestow my bounty except I saw reason for it; and having given I should think nothing more unreasonable then to repine. Never look after gratuities when you have sent them away, nor call them again by repentance, for nothing will return but a great damage, a just prejudice, and a spot no time nor endeavour will be able to wipe out.  
Seventhly, never carry yourself so that your friend may fear you, this contrary passion will alter the state of that relation, love being changed unto fear will frighten and amaze where it should induce and incline. This is most opposite to love and speaks it imperfect, otherwise it would cast out all manner of slavish fear. I could never love hearty, where I could fear really: where love is turned into fear, equity changed into power, society into obedience, there can never be a perfect friendship: here is too much care for kindness, inequality for amity, obedience for love, and speaks my friend more a master than a fociable companion. Certainly I could never comply here without flattery and vexation, there being a flavery in fear too base for friendship.  
Eightly, never detract from the credit of your friend, but still acknowledge his just deserts; as it is flattery to raise his value beyond his just merits, so it is injustice to diminish his real worth, never believe his praiseworthy qualities your disparagement; if you do, you are not only unjust but envious. I would rejoice as much in the commendation of my friend as my own, because I can with freedom express my satisfaction in the applause of my friend, and augment it; when I should think it more discreet and civil by a blushing silence to receive the same for myself: I do oftener contemplate the goodness of my friend then his errors, because I love pleasure, and fear perplexity: I hate to be like the ungrateful raven, that flies nimbly over many pleasant things, and pitches with delight on a carcase. I would rather convince my friend by a contrary example and behaviour than be too officious in searching into his defects, that may be he is as far from justifying, as I am from commending, and he needs no reproof being too ready to condemn himself, and yet at present cannot assume the title of conqueror; we cannot think we contract alliance with angels: in our best friendship's mnny a slip must be winked at, and a friend may challenge so much as this, viz. that we should use all possible means to keep up the credit of him, to whom we are so nearly related: nor can we be kind or just, if we do not improve all to his advantage in this regard.  
Ninthly, never manage any dispute with passion, this will entangle the web of friendship, destroy the peace, and turn your harmony unto jangling: disputes are separating things, Paul and Barnabas lived friendly together, till dispute parted them, pride very often is at the bottom of disputes, and will contend for victory, and men will venture very hard for it: witness those sad dissensions in the Church of God at this day. I would rather consult my books, and learned authors, or rational strangers, or any indifferent person then with my friend about matters of difficulty, because I would not run the venture of contention; friends may deliberately argue, and convince one another, and this may augment their profit, and experience, but they must not proceed to a dispute, wherein there is a forcible opposition made on both sides; it will be more prudence to leave it to them that are better able to manage it, or to a more eonvenient season. I have observed that those that have seemed unperswadable while the dispute continued, afterwards upon a more mature consideration by the same arguments have been convinced; and was not this silent and peaceable victory better than that which might have ended in a quarrel, men are not willing to submit their reason, where they think they shall pass under any slight or undervalue, yet upon mature consideration and solid contemplation afterwards, it appearing necessary reason will force them to submit, which they are willing to do when it may be done silently and without noise.  
Tenthly, be not curiously inquisitive after any thing you find an averseness in your friend to reveal, and do not believe it a breach of friendship, if upon such an attempt he denies you: it may be your humour and present capacity cannot bear it, or the season is not fit for it; or should he gratify your curiosity, he may be cruel in what you call kindness, confide so much in your friend, as to believe that he will conceal nothing from you, that will do you good to know, and what he doth in this particular is from prudence not perverseness. Instance in this one particular; I have committed a fault and have perhaps engaged my reason and conscience against me, and is not that enough, but I must engage my friend against me also. I ambition nothing more, (next to my interest in God and eternal concernments) than the good opinion of my friend, and shall I not preserve it by all means possible? I will never betray myself to his censure: I had rather pass under his approbation, than condemnation: the first will confirm the friendship, the last will loosen it: I never thought it civil to press my friend beyond a voluntary complianee, nor passionately to screw a secret out of him: this were to betray my trust and rob his cabinet because he hath trusted his key with me, which he did not do to hazard his own interest, but to secure mine. It is true a friend must be trusted with secrets, yet it doth not follow that he must be entrusted with all secrets. Instance, there are many things that I can neither in prudence, nor conscience reveal, that may be against the trust imposed in me, which though from an enemy, I must be faithful, & no obligation possible can releaf me: this may be what I cannot disclose without betraying myself into those inconveniences, that nothing in friendship can repair, Samson had a secret the disclosing of which proved his ruin. No man but hath something that is most proper for himself to know and no other: and I should think it the greatest bondage to be restrained here imaginable, my friend is not my confessor, nor a competent Judge in every case, he is a traitor and no friend, that would induce me (as Dalila did Samson) to betray myself in any thing sorbidden by conscience and prudence. These things must be left to the wisdom of your friend, who is not worthy of that relation, if he cannot manage this affair without prejudice to himself or his friend. Nor could I with reason conclude that man could keep my secrets that could not keep his own, or be faithful to me that betrayed himself.  
Eleventhly, never indent nor impose on your friend after the friendship is made; that were to make propositions after the truce is concluded, which is very irregular, you had your liberty in your first choice: you might have made what exceptions you pleased: and if inequality had appeared have deserted him without censure or prejudice, but now it is too late: by such an endeavour you extremely disoblige your friend, because you presuppose him unfit for that relation without manacles and bolts, and this speaks, him a prisoner, where he ought to have the greatest freedom; and plainly delares you selfish, wholly aiming at your own satisfaction, little regarding that of your fr●end; besides you expose your judgement to censure by fixing, before you were in all points thoroughly resolved, in all things relating to this great concernment. Likewise you make yourself a judge of the qualifications proper for friendship, excluding your friend as being a novice in this point. Lastly you plainly tell him, he is obliged, and you are not: he stands upon his good behaviour, and you at your liberty: thus you article with him: by all which you declare, you are unfixed till he answers all those articles, and that he must stand and fall by your judgement. I love liberty as well as any person, yet would expect no more here than I would give: I would never ask of my friend what was slavish or unhandsome, or prejudicial to him, or any thing that may speak me mercenary or uncivil; nor would I grant it if he desired it of me, I may conceal my errors, but never commend them, nor communicate them, they do not deserve an interest in a virtuous person that doth so.  
Twelfthly, Never contend for superority, since friendship hath made you equal; It is more prudence to shrink than stretch here; such quarrels that arise about place and superiority, are mechanic and base, and they that least deserves it mostly contends for it. I would abate in this case rather than contend, yet should I be no loser, for what I lost one way I should gain another (if humility be better than pride;) I would not grudge my place, where I could give my heart, nor fear any censure, because thereby I do not give away my right, or make him more deferving that takes it, but I lay this obligation upon my friend that I can deny myself any thing, him nothing.  
Thirteenthly, In all differences between your friend and others endeavour to be absent (if possible,) if you cannot, be sure you be silent: by intermeddling there you can do no good: if you speak for him you will be thought to be partial, if you be never so just; if you speak against him you can neither be friendly nor civil: and these two inconveniences will necessarily follow thereupon, the strengthening your friend's enemy against him, and weakening your interest in your friend, beside his disappointment is so much the greater having this aggravation entailed upon it, that whereas your friend had but one to contend with before, (and that enemy, which he did not care were he satisfied or not) he hath now a friend also to persuade, lest he should by any means espouse the quarrel: it being not seldom the endeavour of an enemy so to widen the difference as they may take in our best friends: I do not wonder that I see wise men sometimes to seek to find arguments to plead their innocency, when such cross accidents as these fall out, in which men are surprised. It is probable a man may be provided with arguments enough for his adversary; but these may be too harsh and impertinent for his friend, which he desires to treat with more moderation than the other may deserve, but now he is at a loss; for while he is making good his atgument with the one, he loses it with the other, because he may be urged to passion by his enemy, but bound to patience with his friend; and while he exercises patience to him, passion outruns him in his adversary, which may very well be because he hath two parts to act, the adversary but one; he hath not only passion to contend with against his enemy, but moderation to exercise towards his friend, therefore cannot keep equal pace with his adversary; so his task is doubled. This is the reason men are argued many times of their right: passion is quicker-witted than patience in all hasty matters, and will not stay till patience can deliberately deliver itself: passion is more ready with accusations, than patience can be with vindications, there being much more of the use of reason in the last than in the first. Commonly men are general in their aspersions, which when they come to be divided and answered to particularly, requires much reason in order to the right arguing of them. I would never trust that man that should join in a quarrel, or be a voluntary evidence against his friend, this were a crime that could not be palliated by any pretence whatsoever. There are but two things I ever saw offered by way of defence in this case, neither of which can excuse it: It may be (you will say) your friend contended with his superior, and did not observe his distance, and you thought that you should have been no less uncivil if you had not at least showed your dissent by way of reproof, I never saw such civility seasonable or grateful to either; for the first he thinks he deserves it, and therefore will own it not courtesy, the other will believe it a breach of friendship, which ought to be considered before compliments: this seems to be allowable only in parents, who sometimes in quarrels among their children, may condemn the most innocent either out of compliment to a father who may be honoured for his title, or by way of reproof to affrighten h●m from contention where he may be overmatched to his damage; there is no such obligation in friendship, parents walk in a path of unsearchable liberty in this regard, and may dispense with the rules of exact justice, there being none capable of questioning them, because of their power and propriety which is supreme; but friends are under restrictions & tied up to laws that are indispensable; But (may be) you will say in the second place, your friend did not state the case right, and therefore you could not understand his innocence: if so, you had the least reason to censure him: if your friend had not been ready with his arguments, you had the more reason to help him, or at least have been silent till you could have been better informed: you know prejudice is a dangerous drug, and like a pill easily swallowed, but like poison hardly purged out by the best arguments; nor will he that hath done the injury stay to cure a wound he hath designinglie made, but like a coward secretly strikes a treacherous blow, and runs away, being afraid to contend where he is sure to be vanquished: I could never take him to be my friend that could easily be brought to condemn me.  
To avoid this and many inconveniences more, Never ambition to be with your friend in all companies, nor dive into his transactions with all persons without his consent: this is to impose upon him, and entrench upon his freedom, which cannot be acceptable: men will not willingly be abridged of their liberty; nor can it be always civil either with respect to your friend or those he converses with: no man but hath something he in prudence ought to manage himself alone, without the presence of the dearest friend. I would as much desire to discourse my business with a stranger alone sometimes, as at other times to enjoy my own thoughts without any interruption: and it is as necessary: it is possible the persons with whom I converse sometimes, cannot have that freedom to discourse matters of weight before a stranger, who though he be never so ingenious, cannot be fit to be trusted with their affairs, without just suspicion and exception. I never thought it any breach of friendship to forbid the frequent opening of my letters by my best friend, believing it reasonable to preserve that privilege to myself; I never remember I ever made a quarrel with any friend about that, but certainly I have often signified my displeasure at it. I conceive by the same rule, that all truths are not to be spoken at all times: so letters may not be broken at all times, because hereby I am not only liable to prejudice myself, but all those that entrust me; and I must deal faithfully with every man as well as with my friend. It is possible I may be trusted with those affairs for some person that will think it as much against his interest as his inclination, to have them revealed to any, but what he had designed and prepared. My friend though he be bound to me, is not bound to all that converse with me, neither is he constrained by any manner of tye to fancy all that I fancy, or to make a quarrel with every person I cannot like; I confess I would not give that ground for suspicion to hold an intercourse by letters or otherwise, without his knowledge and approbation; yet in businesses that more particularly concern myself, if they must be known (especially in those things, wherein there may be scruples,) I would willingly be the relater myself; and this may be necessary sometimes because business may be uncertainlie understood, or by the unfaithfulnefs of the relater so falsely represented, that it may admit of such interpretations as might much prejudice credit, and question conscience; not because there is any other reason for it, but the ignorance or malice of the informer. I have known little petty discontents in letters, not handsomely worded, made matmer of contempt and scandal, whereas if the person had been present that understood the meaning of it, he might have given such solid satisfaction, that might have answered all the cavils and exceptions with much ease, and obtained a certain vindication. I would never impose upon my friend, but would willingly absent myself at any time (if I saw it necessary) but most especially in such seasons as these are; Instance when he is to converse with his near relations privately: there are many reasons to be given why a dear friend and nearest relations should not always be pleasant one to another. The persons concerned may through Jealousy be ungrateful, and a friend can hardly carry it so, as to give equal content in that case, or at least would not willingly be at that trouble; neither would I desire to be present when weighty businesses that did no way concern me, were transacting between my friend and strangers: above all, I would withdraw myself, when I saw him seriously inclined about matters of eternal concernment, and I would give him all the help possible there; and hereby I should wonderfully express my real and entire affection, also my own advantage would incline me to encourage him rather than divert him; being sure of this, that his advantage will be my gain, because he would certainly interest me in his prayers, and I should partake of the benefits of his contemplations, and this may sometimes be so seasonable, that I would not be without it for all the world. I have seen private contemplations and meditations, through the blessing of God so improved, as to prove more effectual for the resolving of some puzzling scruples coming from a particular Christian, than the advice of several Divines; and this comes to pass, because experimental knowledge hath more credit, than that which is doctrinal: the one may float in the head, the other sinks into the heart; and makes the face of a man to shine, like Moses conspicuously in his friendly conversation.   

Fourteen, give sound and serious advice to your friend without obliging him to obedience, leave him to his libetty, why should not his judgement be as good as yours? draw your argument as fair as you can, it is no harm to arm at success, but do not contend for it, nor be angry, if your counsel be neglected; advise 〈◊〉 empire: this is not the way to be honoured with victory to make yourself a judge, If you give advice and exact obedience, you rather act like an ambitious man, than a kind and ingenious friend. Counsel is most taking, when propounded with humility and indifferency. I can persuade my friend to any thing, when I can command him to nothing: arguments they are sometimes like food, that in the first taste cannot be relished, but afterwards is very delicious and pleasant to the ; or like some spirits, that are very unpleasant to the palate, but of great benefit after concoction to the stomach. I would leave my counsel as my books to be well scanned before I would expect either a compliance to the one, or an approbation to the other: and at last would not think the worse of my friend if he liked neither.  
Fifteenthly, Never harbour any suspicion of your friend; be well advised here: you cannot act more displeasing than in entertaining causeless suspicion, because hereby you may wrong him, and impeach him when he is most innocent: and what is more thorny and wounding then causeless suspicion, it creates jealousy and mistrust of that person who intends most unfeignedly; I would never make friendship where I could not confide without suspicion; because if I can't be confident of his sincerity, I cannot believe nor trust him, nor count him honest, nor pay him that civility that friendship requires, If you have any temptation to this, argue it gravely and solidly: may be the defect is in the eye, not in the object: when we consider the various accidents of every day, in which no man is constantly pleased or displeased with the same things, we may suspect ourselves. Melancholy is very suspicious, and in that dark state we stumble at every straw: and because my own distemper hath cast stumbling blocks in my way, shall I suspect my friend of treachery, and unfaithfulness, or want of real affection, etc. and say, because I cannot always discern his sincerity, (when happily I am blinded with prejudice, passion, or discontent, surely there is no such thing:) O this were most unreasonable: we may as well say, that half of the oar is broken, because out of our sight and in the water: and a blind man may as truly conclude, there is no sun in the heavens, because he cannot see it: or we may dispute against the being of the sun, because it is under a cloud, or in an eclipse.  
Sixteenthly, Never think a new friend better than an old; many things are most valuable for their age: friendship is one of these; an old friend like old wine is much better than new; It gathers spirits, as it expends days: without question friendship grows more vigorous and active by the delightful intercourse, and those endearments it feeds upon. Friendship is not so perfect in its infancy, as in its riper years: it augments as those worthy qualities it first pitched upon improves, and are more splendid: the hidden parts of friendship are not seen all at once, nor can be: they discover themselves according to the accidents and times they are most welcome and necessary in: a friend acts many parts which require time and order: if you esteem your friend worthy, he will appear much better by trial, and experience, whereby you will be satisfied of his habitual worthiness; he was new, you have kept him till he is old: say not now the new is better. I could never fancy any earthly thing in hope equal much less beyond that in hand; or expect happiness in the change of what I was in a good measure satisfied in before; that proverb is not contemptible, seldom comes a better. I could never neglect and despise any whom I once thought worthy of my affection: nor think it prudence to part wirh my cabinet, in which my chief treasure lies, because the varnish is worn off, & it is not so handsome as when it was new, I mean my secrets, which are my most precious jewels. One friend according to this measure is enough for my whole life, if death doth not separate, nothing else shall by my occasion or consent. I cannot change but at a great uncertainty, for if I could not find reason to continue the old friendship, I should find less to make another. It must be some error in the first that induces me to make a second, and that must be what I did not at first discover, and therefore cannot be certain, I shall not find the same defect in another; because men act▪ as their age and temper of body inclines them, and that may be very different at one time, to what it is at another. We cannot expect that pleasure in age, we found in youth, nor that content in sickness we found in health; all these things must be considered and allowed: If you have found a faithful friend, you have found a treasure, & admit he may not be in all points what you would have him to be, he is too good to part with, & most likely your gain in the change will never recompense your loss, nor can you ever rationally think to gain credit with a new friend, when you have lost it with the old, he may flatter you, but he will never trust you: he may humour you, but can never honour you, nor heartily close with you, having great grounds for suspicion, and fear of a heart breaking separation.  
Seventeenthly, Be free and generous: A gift (saith the wise man) fasteneth friendship: give bountifully and receive thankfully, the smallest kindness: think nothing too good or too great for your friend: nor esteem that a recompense fit for kindness received, except you can equal or exceed it; better still lie under an obligation than make a half satisfaction: nothing short is accounted any thing in this case: it may undervalue the gift, but never gratify the giver. I sometimes take a small gift kindly from my friend, because it makes me no great debtor, and speaks his love as truly as a greater, yet I would not give meanly, were I obliged and able to do better; and it is no crime in me to endeavour to outdo my friend in noble and generous actions: this seems a paradox because we cannot understand how we speak properly when we speak of giving or receiving among friends, where hearts are united and consequently they can have no divided interest, but all things are common; except we mean by it the signification of the thing which is more than the thing itself, as a real and sincere affection: I would not value any courtesy or civility that did not bring more of affection than profit: I can easily compensate the last and discharge myself, but must lie under an eternal obligation for the other.  
Eighteenthly, Never dissemble with your friend, but deal plainly with him, especially when he refers himself to you: do not call bitter sweet, and sweet bitter: this is the worse way of ingratiating yourself, and by this means you may prove a traitor to him if you can keep off evil, do it with all possible care and endeavour, but when you see it will come unavoidably, rather prepare him for it, than keep it from him: nothing more cruel than disappointment; which no man oftener finds than he that is flattered into a belief of what is really impossible. It is as great a wrong to a man, to heap upon him unmeritted commendations, as to detract from his just deserts. I would not be the first that would impeach my friend, nor the last that would undeceive him, is I saw him inclinable to overvalue himself.  
Nineteenthly, Let your speech and communication be religious, solid and civil, it is Paul's advice, that we be courteous; there is much in this to promote content: words may be healing, and they may be wounding. Solomon observed, that they are like honey. David observes, they are like arrows, that shoots fwistly, secretly, and deadly, saith he, they shoot arrows against me, even bitter words: in order hereunto, eat all unfaithful repetitions. I mean by this, such as for matter represents things absolutely contrary to the meaning of them that speak. It is usual with us to wrest words according to our own fancies: good meanings may be often so ill-worded, that they may prove matter of reproach▪ and scorn; especially because often seconded by smart and cruel reflections: acceptable words are very pleasant; such as these Paul refers to, when he says, let your words be seasoned with salt, administering grace to the hearers: such words as these leave a kind of titillation and pleasure upon the heart, which sweetness absence, and reconciles all cross accidents that are present whereas on the other side contrariwise evil words leave a disrelish upon the heart, and extremely imbitters and aggravates such accidents: Evil words are the ground of all quarrels; it is exceeding necessary, as well as pleasing, that there be a habit of good words among friends, because the tongue is not seldom like an unruly and unfaithful servant, that very often runs without the consent of his master, and is not seldom prompted by passion; we think it a sufficient excuse, when the injury is done, to say, I was rash, and spoke what I did not believe or think; This is breaking my head and giving a plaster, and very seldom signify any thing in reference to a reconciliation: besides passion doth not study privacy, and if a scandalous word reaches the ear of a third person, it may prove like a gangrene, that will admit of no cure, and surely provides work for the Devil and his imps, who would rejoice in such an opportunity, that they might aggravate things to a final separation. Solomon gives us a hint of this, and saith, a talebearer separates chief friends; and St. James tells us, such a tongue is set on fire of hell: therefore we had need have the more care, and conclude all our disputes with this exhortation of S. Paul, Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, evil speaking, be put away from you, and be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Again, never pass sentence against your friend, or willingly be judge in any case that concerns him, especially if the matter be hidden and intricate, or if you find in your heart the least partiality; otherwise you wrong yourself and your friend; both yourself in indulging a passion, your friend in condemning the truth, or at least injuring of it; which must needs suffer where partiality is concerned. If you must judge because your friend will have it so, let him not lose his end, who expects from you justice mixed with clemency and charity, and be as willing to clear as to condemn, if no cause very criminal appears.  
Lastly, banish all things that may alienate your heart from your friend▪ Entertain him kindly, let him have a seat in your heart: think of him with delight; love his company: bear with him, though he appear sometimes not so amiable; commend him when he doth well; excuse him when he is in fault: cast the mantle of love upon his infirmities: win him rather by love then fear: study his humour: think it not beneath you to comply, though little reason induces you to it at that instance: contemplate all his virtues and imitate them: decline his errors, and by a contrary example convinee him: live together: love & rejoice together: comunicate your virtues, improve your society to a mutual advantage: he only is fit for friendship that can do all those offices for which friendship is excellent; treat your friend handsomely and nobly, multiply those endearments upon him that shall make him your own inseparably; improve society by frequent commerce; nothing in this relation more endearing than repeated fruition; and in this respect friendship surpasses all other relations because it is without disgust: study what friends you would have upon the exactest election, and be that, example is much: friendship is not for contemplation and show, but for material comfort and mutual satisfaction, and is advantageous to the spiritual as well as rational parts, when religion and reason go hand in hand the friendship is most illustrious because singularly advanced hereby. I come now to the Last thing promised, viz. the conclusion by way of commendation; here see the illustration and confirmation of the happiness, honour, and excellency of the capacity and state of friendship.  
In order hereunto give me leave to set before you the best and highest example possibly in heaven or earth: the man Christ Jesus, who may if we consult reason and Scripture be verily concluded to contract a friendship with John the Evangelist. We do not find that our▪ Lord took any delight in sensual pleasures upon earth: yet it is more than probable, he had pleasure in this rational recreation of a moral friendship: which may easily reach our belief if we examine his own books, the holy Scriptures that testifieth of him, if the cause may be concluded by the effect, the thing by its properties, than it will not be hard to prove, that there was a moral friendship between Christ and John, and that which seems to strengthen the argument may be this: if friendship be the improvement of the rational part, as it hath been already proved; then it must necessarily be in our saviour, who improved both naturals and spirituals to the highest perfections imaginable; nor is this any paradox, that Christ should improve in his naturals; for it is undeniable, he was a child and in minority before he came to riper years: and it cannot be thought that our Saviour had as much perfection in his reason when he was wrapped in his swaddling hands in the Inn, as he had when he was thirty years of age, teaching in the temple; without question he improved in his reason as he multiplied years, and had a more imperfect use of his reason in his youth than after he came to be a grown man: nor can it be absurd to believe our Saviour having so sweet a nature was not without some sociable pleasure, as a diversion for the repair of his humane nature, which was often afflicted, vexed and grieved: and that his humane nature needed repairs, may be concluded by his eating, drinking, and sleeping, John. 4. 6. it is said, Jesus being wearied, sat down upon the well: othertimes he withdrew from the multitude, and conveyed himself from them, when they pressed upon him: and no diverfion so innocent, and had so little temptation, as this of friendship. There are these seven arguments following, that seems to prove this, and they are all eminent properties of a moral friendship.  
First, the denomination given to John; that he was the disciple whom Jesus loved: we find John among the disciples rarely known by any other name, and this plainly discovers the love that our Saviour had to the person of john in a moral sense, and this is most evident, because it came within the observation of the rest of the disciples; for had it been Christ's love to the soul of john that was intended by that appellation, that had been inward and spiritual, and could not have been understood by them; and we do not find our Saviour by any declaration demonstrate any such thing; so that nothing can rationally be concluded here, but that the disciples did gather this love of Christ to John from some outward and visible cause, as his friendly discourse and behaviour towards john, as also the intimacy that was observed between them; as lying in his bosom and constant communion, and his indulgence; all which we shall consider more particularly in the following arguments.  
Secondly, the familiar converse between our Lord and john is another property, and eminently declares friendship: John is said to lie in the bosom of Christ, and this seems to import much intimacy, and much affection: we dearly love them we take into our bosoms; yet this is but an outward expression, and therefore may be a moral friendship, and the rather because these embraces are the proper acts of a moral friendship▪ Now as the former denomination did express our Saviour's transcendent kindness to john beyond the other disciples, so this doth no less speak the intimacy, that was between them beyond what was enjoyed by the rest of the disciples. It is probable Peter lay as near the heart of Christ as john in a spiritual sense, and many believers since; if we could not conclude our Saviour's love to us but by such expressions, we must be shut up under despair; nor could the disciples themselves, have been without just cause of despondency, doubtless that which did satisfy their spirits was, they looked upon it only as an outward expression of his love to john, as also the delight he had in his person, happily for some obliging quality our Saviour saw in him, more than in the rest; and this made them rather incline to honour, than envy john who unquestionably was exceeding honourable and happy in this relation of friendship, wherein he stood towards our Saviour: And this may be the better credited if we consider that it is not usual with men to be unsatisfied with one another touching their elections of friendship, nor think themselves disobliged that they are passed by and others pitched upon; because they allow a freedom to every man in that case according as his fancy and affection leads him.  
The third Argument is drawn from the interest john seemed to have in our Saviour above the rest of his Disciples, as appears in that case of judas, john 13. 26. and when our Saviour signified that one should betray him, they were all amazed, saying, is it I? is it I? Mark. 14. 19 and none presumed to ask our Saviour a resolution in this doubtful case: such was the distance between our Lord and them; but this distance was not between john and him▪ for the Disciples no sooner applied themselves to john to move our Saviour in the case, but the question was immediately answered: nor do we find that john used the least ceremony in his addresses to our Lord, but with as much freedom as possible asked the question of our Saviour; who readily answered, with as much satisfaction; and this is a notable property of friendship; because this act carries in it the greatest intimacy & propriety, both which must needs make up a full and perfect friendship, including every thing that can make that capacity happy.  
Fourthly, It is very probable, john had more of the secrets of Christ than the rest; and this is no small property of friendship; the communion that passed between our Saviour and Moses and Elias in the Mount, was a secret many of the disciples knew nothing of, yet it was not peculiar to john; for Peter and james was there also: Mark. 9 2. by which it appears Christ had peculiar favours which he contributed as he pleased, & I verily conceive that person who was most especially beloved, was not without peculiar discoveries, at least of those things which concerned his person: it's probable john knew more of our Saviour's prudential proceed, and moral transactions then the rest did. I conclude it from hence, because though the rest of the disciples were ignorant of this treachery of judas, it is very like john was not; if so, he would not have needed an incitement to be resolved who should betray our Saviour, having the advantage of lying so near him as in his bosom; we may probably conjecture he would have readily asked that question, and we may as rationally conceive, that our Saviour had not only discovered this sad and perplexing providence publicly to all his disciples, but privately to john the beloved disciple▪ and there is the more credit to be given to this supposition, because we know that there can be no friendship where there is not a communication of affairs; and we find our Saviour did often discourse of his death to all his disciples, and therefore most likely to john the beloved disciple and friend of Christ: friends delighting as much sometimes to discourse their afflictions; as other times to discourse their affections▪ it appears by what hath been already observed, that our Saviour had a friend, so I conceive we may without prejudice conclude, he did not deny the use and benefit of him, as to social satisfaction, service, content, and pleasure; yet notwithstanding from all this, or any thing else, we cannot conclude john had more knowledge in spiritual things than the other disciples, who (we know) were ignorant of many truths and some fundamentals; for they dreamt of an earthly kingdom, that our Saviour should have here on earth: and it was after his resurrection before they were informed of many things touching him; and then our Saviour sent his spirit that taught them all things: It is probable john was no more instructed; than the rest before, because if any of the disciples had understood those things, it is likely none would have been ignorant; for we see they were willing to inform each other by the discourses that passed between them at the sepulchre, & in their travail to Emaus about our Saviour's death and resurrection; nor do we ever find that the disciples did ever address themselves to john to be informed of any of Christ's miracles, or any hidden and divine thing; yet we know they often hesitated about such things, and reasoned among themselves concerning them, so that the conjecture is pretty clear, that the outward acts of Christ's prudential negotiations upon earth, as his travelling and healing and other outward acts may be better known to john the beloved disciple than any of the rest,  
Fifthly, another argument of our Saviour's affection to john may be drawn from his iudulgence to john. We never read that he rebuked john, as he did Peter by any particular reflection. Chri●t severely checks Peter and calls him devil, get thee behind me satan; No doubt but john was subject to mistakes, as well as Peter; for we find that john was as drowsy as the rest when Christ was in his passion, where it might have been expected he should have been most watchful above any of the rest of the disciples; yet we do not find that our Saviour takes any notice of this so as to reprove john more than the rest, and it is probable Christ may use more tenderness, because of the relation, though his want of watchfulness in such extremity of affairs, seems a great fault in john. A friend never inclines to grieve the heart of him he dearly loves, because the greater kindness the more wounding is any thing that looks like the contrary; our Saviour was tender towards john, who happily could not have born a reproof without much heart breaking trouble, because of his transcendent affection to his Lord. No person more considerate than our Lord, who was compassion itself; the man Christ Jesus was a man of bowels, as we perceive by his lamenting over jerusalem, Luk 19 42, 48. yet we find that our Saviour was more compassionate to some, than others, according as his affections was set. The Jews observed he wept for Lazarus, when he was dead, and why so? because he loved him, as appears by that passage in john 11. 3. Lord, him whom thou lovest is sick, and we see by that passage of the young man in the Gospel, that our Saviour could love a man for any worthy quality, or moral aceommodation; the text saith, he looked upon him and loved him; not that he saw his own image upon his heart, (for this he had not, as is evident, because he parted with our Saviour) but saw reason in his witty answers, which pleased our Saviour, so that he gave him an outward commendation suitable to his superficial acquirements.  
Sixthly, the constant communion between our Saviour and john is another argument to prove the friendship. john was very rarely separated from our Lord before his death and after his rising again while he was upon the earth. Peter took notice that this disciple was following Christ after his ariseing from the dead, and seems to be much concerned about him, how he should be disposed of, being to leave his dear Lord; and thereupon makes this question to our Lord: Lord, what shall this man do? as is he had said, our loss is great, but his much greater, as indeed it was; john 21. 22. our Saviour's answer, seems to check Peter's curiosity: If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? The methods of kindness between Christ and john was not fit to be enquired into; as is evident by our Saviour's more than  rebuke to Peter. It is most probable that john saw our Saviour before any of the rest aster his resurrection, because he came with him, when our Lord appeared to them, for Peter takes special notice, john 21. 20. that he saw that disciple following our Saviour; by which it is evident he was not among them▪ and it is observable, that john is seldom called by the disciples or known by any other denomination but these, viz. the other disciple; or, the disciple whom Jesus loved. I conceive the disciples might so frequently give him those titles, either as titles of honour to signify the relation in which he stood to our Lord; or because it pleased our Saviour, that his affections to I●hn should be observed, and taken notice of; probably that a suitable respect might be given unto him, as the friend of Christ: for our Saviour was not ashamed to own this relation, but publicly upon the cross signified it to men and angels, as will appear further in the seventh and last particular▪ but I submit to better judgements in this matter; and only give my notion of it, and what seems most rational to me: but this is evident: our Saviour and john had much communion, they were still together in his transfiguration, conversation, and communication: he never left our Saviour while on earth: you shall find him in the garden, and in the high-priests hall, where Peter denied him in the one and deserted him in the other: he was with him at the cross and at the sepulchre▪ and not wonder that our Saviour delighted in the society of that person he would take into his bosom; and john was so improved by this communion with his Lord, that he speaks and writes nothing but love, and this will appear a great confirmation of the friendship, if we compare it with the friendship's between ingenious men. Obferve and you shall find that when friendship is in reality, it mightily sweetens the nature of those persons, so that they cannot endure harshness and crossness, but endeavour all things with all persons by love. Men in their communication and conversation are as much as they are with whom they converse. There are no arguments more pregnant to prove the dear and near communion and union between our Lord and john, than the strains of love that runs through all his writings, by which we may judge of the intercourse between our Lord and him; and what manner of expressions they were that passed between them in their particular acts of friendship.  
Seventhly and lastly, the last argument may be drawn srom our Saviour's last act of friendship towards john, and were sufficient, had there been no more to prove this friendship, viz. his recommending his mother to john, when he was upon the cross. john 19 26. 27. and breathing out his last breath expressed in this last passage; woman, behold thy son: and he said to the disciple whom he loved, Beheld thy mother, and from that hour that disciple took her to his own home▪ you, see here the union that was between our Saviour and john; they were brothers; though the relation of brothers precisely considered do not make friends, yet the relation of friends always makes brothers; our Saviour by this charge to john did imply thus much; that though his mother had lost him, she had a son still, that was obliged to take a special care of her upon a double account, partly in obedience to his dear master, who had laid that command upon him; but most especially by that tye of friendship, that was upon him: so he takes his last farewell of john and his mother together, expressing his natural affection towards the one, his friendship towards the other: There is no greater evidence of friendship than this, the confidence dying persons have in their living friends, and the trust they impose in them, as to their dear and near relations: and how secret soever friends may carry it in their lives, yet at their death they declare to all the world, who they take to be their most faithful friends, when they commit their dearest relations to their charge, and bestow their last breath upon them by a trembling farewell: we do not read that our Saviour spoke one word more after he had taken his solemn farewell of his mother and john but this; I thirst: and It is finished: Thus you see the friendship between our Saviour and john cleared. I shall draw to a conclusion of this whole discourse, only give me leave to add these few words, which I hope will not be impertinent.  
If friendship be the improvement of reason, the happiness of a sociable state, the pleasure of our Lord, than it is great pity this relation and state of friendship is no more in credit in the world than it is, especially among ingenious persons, who seem to mistake this great case, or think it too hard a task to accomplish.  
First, believe that it is attainable, this is the first step towards it; and that it is not a study too mean for the greatest prince in the world; and which is more, he can hardly be happy without it, if he considers the directions he may have in his weighty affairs by the wisdom; the safety he he may promise himself in the faithfulness, the wonderful pleasure and delightful diversion he may enjoy in the society and integrity of a suitable friend; I cannot believe but all persons serious and judicious must need ambition this capacity, yet they do not all attain it, being possibly crossed by accidents unfriendly and unreasonable, in their endeavours after it, the ways of virtue being strewed with thorns: well, if the way be not so grateful and easy, as that which is sensual, yet the end will be glory. Let this qui●ken your endeavours to that end which will crown your action; and when you have obtained perfection here, you will set to your seal, that this is true; that you have found an experiment that can sweten you sorrows, divide your griefs, augment your comforts, gratify your affections, improve your religion and reason, and that capacity whereby you may live the life of angels, still contemplating things that are excellent while on earth, and when you are dead, your name shall be as a precious ointment poured forth sweet and pleasant to all posterity; like Abel, who being dead, yet speaketh.  
FINIS.   

Errata.  
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