The Lawyers Plea, In the behalf of Young TOM of LINCOLN. Being an Answer to a late Scandalous Ballad, Entitled, Merry News from Lincolns-Inn. Addressed to the Author of the said Ballad, by Tom of Lincoln.  
To the Tune of, Help Lords and Commons, etc.  
 

LOrd help us all! what Story's this,  
that makes so great a stir?  
Forsooth who ever keeps a Miss,  
must fear this barking Cut;  
As if no place but Lincolns-Inn,  
did harbour she destroyers,  
With Puritans he might begin,  
they wench as well as Lawyers:  
You Nonconformist- cropears, peace,  
and rail not against Wenchers,  
With you, Fanatic Babes increase,  
far more than with the Benchers.   

Thou who want'st judgement talk'st of it,  
like a vile canting Varlet,  
And exercisest thy No-wit  
against an honest Harlot,  
Out of our house should she depart,  
she'll learn to be more fickle,  
Lifting up whorish eyes with Art,  
at zealous Conventicle.  
You, etc.   

She went up stairs thou sayest at ten,  
and what of that you Tony,  
At twelve the learned'st of your men  
tipped over the Balcony:  
To this so strange a sight there came  
a hundred pious sticklers,  
But all went off again with shame,  
like crop-eared Conventiclers:  
You, etc.   

It seems he called himself a Cat,  
and would have been a gibing,  
Her husband understanding that,  
came in and spoiled his nibing:  
Says he, Cats fall upon their feet,  
when downwards they are tumbled,  
So down he threw him in the street,  
till his proud flesh was humbled:  
You, etc.   

But for the wench and Laundress Ruth,  
I must confess the story,  
That there was something in't of truth,  
but all is for our glory:  
We keep the Child we have begot,  
and able are to bear it,  
Whilst others, do, or do it not,  
are ready to forswear it:  
You, etc.   

Is not this better than to go  
at night to the Peatches,  
Reeling and rambling to and fro,  
in danger of the Watches:  
And meet at last a drab or so,  
with Petticoats bedagled,  
Or with a pocky Barren-doe,  
that from the Park has straggled:  
You, etc.   

Woe and alas! your Rudder's spoiled,  
I pity your mishap,  
And though you get not her with child,  
you get yourself with clap:  
Then you go home and curse the whore,  
with all her Artful dry-blows,  
Finding one pox to cost you more,  
than keeping twenty by-blows:  
You Nonconformist- cropears, peace,  
and rail not against Wenchers,  
With you, Fanatic Babes increase,  
for more than with the Benchers.   

Thus you abroad with hazard roam,  
to find out Harlots fulsome,  
While we more safely prey at home,  
upon a Girl that's wholesome:  
Look to yourselves, your case is worse,  
dry up your slubbring Ink-horn,  
I'll warrant you we'll find a Nurse,  
for our young Yom-a-Lincoln;  
You, etc.   

A Bencher's Grandchild! you mistake,  
you silly Rogue, I scorn ye,  
If a Lawyer's Son a Lawyer makes,  
his Bastard's an Attorney:  
And thus our Tom in little time,  
shall grow to be our Brother,  
As a Bawds Daughter whores betime,  
t'enrich her greasy Mother;  
You, etc.   

As for the woman, I confess  
we wrapped her in a Gown,  
And whosoever had done less,  
had been an arrant Clown;  
For being to be called toth' bar,  
and turn a female pleader,  
'Twas reason we should have a care,  
she should not shame our Reader;  
You, etc.   

Long may she live a merry crack,  
brisk, airy, gay, and fruitful,  
She never any thing shall lack,  
so long as she is youthful:  
Grown old, her Daughters shall turn up,  
to please our youthful Wenchers,  
As when we've eat our Commons up,  
we fall upon our Trenchers;  
You, etc.   

As for young Tom I doubt is not,  
he'll make some Learned spark,  
More wit he has already got,  
than an Attorneys Clerk;  
Before that ever he could speak,  
he sued for Alimony,  
Instead of Mothers-milk, he'd take  
no Liquor but Stipony;  
You, etc.   

Then blame not us of Lincolns-Inn,  
for what has happened to us,  
Such wenching is a gainful sin,  
that never will undo us;  
For we shall keep the bantling cheap,  
among so many purses,  
Like Citizens that take a leap  
amongst their Country Nurses.   

God bless the King and Queen, likewise  
the House of Lords and Commons,  
But truly we shall ne'er despise  
some thing that is a woman's,  
For should she Laws cart every one,  
that loves a little cracking,  
The City would be quite undone,  
their Wives must all be packing.   
FINIS.