NEWS FROM Whetstones park, OR, A RELATION Of The Late BLOODY BATTLE THERE, BETWEEN THE Bawds and Whores, AND How both Parties after a sharp Dispute, and much loss on either Side, were at last Reconciled by the Mediation of the Pimps and Hectors, WITH The Articles of Peace Concluded upon between them.  
LONDON; Printed for D. M. 1674.   

THE Bloody Battle IN WHETSTONES park, &c.  
LEt us no longer Amuse ourselves with discourses of the success of foreign Battels, wherein both Sides are Victorious; no more let the l ttle Politicians of the Coffee-house perplex their Noddles to Reconcile Monsieurs Gazett, with Myne-H●ers Currant: The News we are now to Relate is much more proper for their Debates, and many of them perhaps far more concerned in't.  
Whetstones Park was the Pharsalia where a most Bloody Battle was Fought but the other day, w●ll d●s●rving to be Celebrated in Deat less Rhymes of Ballad Laur●at, of which, for the satis●action of the Curious, take the following Exact and Punctual Narrative.  
Though the Bawds and Whores are a sort of Cattle that can agree well enough against the common Enemy, That is, To Rook and Cheat t●ose that are such Rogues and Fools as to go amongst them; yet it is well known to all verst in those Mysteries, that there have been continual feuds, and sometimes Civil Wars, between themselves, about sharing the wages of Iniquity.  
'Tis an old Quarrel was the occasion of the present Uproar, which began thus.  
Doll Tireman one of the Does in the Park, having met with three or four easy Cullies with Pockets well Lined, had made them Bleed freely, and Bubbled them of about half a score Guinny-spankers, which Mrs. Jilt the Reverend Matron, in whose house she plied, would needs have sequestered to her own use, pretending a Debt for clothes, besides money that she stood engaged for to the Doctor and Apothecary for the last new Rigging; But Doll. was Resolute not to part with a souse of her Col●, whereupon began a very grave and civil Dialogue between them;  Ba●d. 
You Pocky confounded Whore, do you think I will harbout such a damned Jade that shall abuse my Customers, and bring a Scandal on my House, and go away with all my Profit.  Whore. 
You Harbour me, you old rotten Cannon-Basket, 'Tis well known I was Courted to come and Lodge in the civilest Houses in the Park, Persons that have other Guests than yours, Gentlemen all in Pantaloons, and lackeys attending them, I abuse your Customers you Tun-bellied Jade, I know none you have, but Foot-Boys, Journymen Taylors, some Shabby clerks in a long Vacation, and now and then a City apprentice, all those that are worth a Womans while to keep Company with; I am forced to get in by my own Industry, and if they give me a piece or two for a Civility, do you think you shall have it you old shriveled hag?  Bawd. 
Out you Impudent saucy Whore, to abuse me thus that might be your Mother, and I am sure have done more for you; 'Tis well known I have paid Scot and Lot in the Parish this Thirty years, who is it that must Bribe the Beadle for you, mollify the Constable, and make a Friend every foot to the Justices clerk when you are in Trouble; Is it not I you ungrateful Jade? Is it not I that am forced to harbour you, and pay for your Cure when you have got the Pox; To take up clothes for you in Long-lane, and discharge the T●lly 〈…〉 and your Friend at the Sessions, and get you Build out of the Naskin.  Whore. 
mary 〈…〉 G●psy, and is not all this for your own Ends, who 〈◇〉 you Cullies to Sp●nd half a piece in half an H●wers time, and have nothing for it worth sixpence, who helps you off with your small Ale in Penny Cans a dozen at a drought, your stinking Tobacco a Penny a pipe, you pint bottles of Decayed wine at half a crown a piece, Who is it that Misreckons for you Eighteen pence in Two Shillings, and out faces the fops with a thousand Oaths that tis true, And is not all this enough for you, with a pox to you but you must be Rakeing away the money which I have Earned with the Sweat of my Brows, you old Hatchet-Fac'd, Hopper-Arse Bawd.  
Whilst they were thus seriously arguing the Case, Severrall other neighbouring Bawds came about them, To whom Mother Jilt made her complaint, how this bold buttock had abused her, and would not deposit Snacks of the Quiffing coal; Whereupon they advised to Uncase her, and so all fell upon her to strip her of her gaudy Duds, Which made poor Doll roar out like an Irish woman, when she sets up the Hubbub, and Immediately all the Does flocked thither as fast as Cats to a Puss roasting, To these Doll Cries out for help, and acquaints them with the unreasonableness of the old Bawds Demands, and that they should now or never stand up for their Liberties, or else expect to find the Bawds absolute tyrants for over after,  
Hereupon after Some sharp Expostulations on either side, they came to Blows, and never was a more terrible Conflict beholded, The first onset was given by Gammar Jilt, that flung a Bottle of Steppony, and beat out one of Doll Tiremons eyes, who in revenge plucked off the old womans Nose, and flung it just in another Bawds chaps, who spit it out again in the Face of a young Whore that she was Engaged with, Hoods, scarves, Pinners, Laces went miserable to rack, Biteing, Kicking, Scratching, and Confusion filled the place, never was there a Sadder Sight, here lay a Nose, there an Eye, a little further a set of Teeth, here a piece of a Necklace, there a parcel of Black Patches, and by and by the ruins of a glorious Tower trod under Foot; The Bawds were never so banged, not the Morts so Mortified, but who had the better of it is hard to say, For Fortune had not yet declared in favour of either party, when the pimps, Hectors, Bullies, Bully-Rocks, Bully-Ruffians, Bully-Sandies, and the rest of the Black-Guard, taking the Alarm, came in Multitudes to part the Fray, where one of them made this Excellent Oration.  
What ails ye in the Devils Name you Cockatrices, what! Civil Wars between yourselves you Silly Bitches, Is Satans Kingdom divided? Agree together you Cursed Baggages, or we will Rib-roast you every one like a Stock-Fish.  
Who you, you Paltry Ragamuffin cries a Rampant young Whore, bring back my Smock I pray which I lent you to wear whilst your own lousy Shirt went to washing, which was seconded by a Bawd on the other hand, crying out, Are you come I Faith you pitiful Son of a Rogue, remember Sirrah you use to Fright away people from my House with your Huffing and Swearing, Two Quakers that were constant Customers, and paid as well for the Commodities they had, as any men in the world, your damning and Sinking made them leave coming for above a Month together, but I'll be Revenged on you, saying which, she broken his Head with a Fire-Forke, so that the Hectors perceiving themselves like to be engaged, began to use entreaties, whereby at last they procured a Cessation of arms, and after some time a perfect Peace, the chief Articles whereof were these.  
Imprimis, That the Whores for the Future should pay the Bawds the Respects due to their Profession and Quality.  
Item, That the Bawds should have the entire Profit of all Drink, Tobacco, and Misreckonings.  
Item, That the Whores out of all money received of Cullies for their own pains, should pay the Bawds one Fourth part as Excise, and one half of all such money as they can dexterously Nim out of any drunken Cullies Pocket, which said Fees are to go in full satisfaction of all Diet, Lodging, and Conveniencies.  
Item, That if any bare Buttock come into a Vaulting School, and the Matron of the place New Case her, she shall justly repay her for the same out of her own share of Quiffing money as the same comes in.  
Item, That when any Mort Shifts Quarters, she shall March away with bag and Baggage without any disturbance.  
Lastly, That henceforwards both sides shall live in perfect Love and Amity; or if any differences arise, the same to be left to the determination of the Hectors, and in the mean time both parties industriously to follow their Respective Occupations.  
FINIS.