A New and True BALLAD of the Poet's Complaint:  
OR, A new Song to a new Tune, of a Young Wench living in Holbourn, with a full description of the notable Tricks put upon her by two Cornuted Suitors.  
Reader assure thyself the thing is true,  
And though it seem full strange 'tis very true;  
I wish such Gypsies fitted all as she,  
Then would they learn much honester to be.  
To a Pleasant new Tune, called, I am Confirmed, etc.  
 
 
 


FAith i'm a Dog if I can guests  
What strain will most oblige the Press:  
'Mongst twenty several things, 'tis well,  
If one in all the score will sell:  
One thing alas is thought too stolen,  
Another is not fit for Sale;  
Because the Poets modest Rhimes,  
Are not so vicious as the Times.   

In short, one reason is, I guess,  
They know the Poet's Moneyless;  
And they resolve to keep him so,  
By feeding him with Snap and Go:  
Another reason may be this,  
They'll keep him Poor as he can Piss,  
In hopes that in a while he may  
Be forced to give his pains away.   

But happen how it will, yet I  
Once more resolved am to try  
Whither I can provide a Salad  
That will but please your squeamish :  
The Sauce is Tart, Meat fresh and new,  
The Story no more strange than true;  
Then welcome all, fall to I pray,  
Much Good  do you, Sirs I say.   

In Holbourn late a Wench did dwell,  
Known by the Name of Bouncing Nell;  
Who Courted was by Suitors two,  
For you must note one would not do:  
She was a lusty strapping jade,  
And one that passed for a Maid;  
And her two Friends the Devil take her,  
Were a brisk Tailor and a Baker.   

The Tailor after some dispute,  
Provides this Lass a handsome Suit;  
Some say 'twas made of tailor's Cabbage  
Yet it was too good for the Baggage  
Nay, this same Slut herself did tell,  
Her Sweetheart brought it out of Hell;  
A place beneath his Shopboard, where  
He used to put illgotten Ware.   

The Baker loath to be behind,  
Unto his Dear proved not less kind;  
And being pretty full of Money,  
He bought a Ring to give his Honey:  
Whereon as you must understand,  
Were lovers two clasped hand in hand;  
Which made her promise he alone,  
Should soon possess her as his own.    

The Second Part,  
To the same Tune.  

But the false Gipsy meant not so,  
As by and by you well shall know;  
For three nights after this she had,  
Another proper lively Lad:  
Who took possession of the thing  
Promised the Baker for his Ring;  
Which when the Baker understood,  
He vowed revenge by all that's good.   

He thereupon with speed did go  
Unto the Tailor late his Foe;  
And with a witty brisk contrival,  
Tells the whole Story to his Rival:  
At which he swore he'd blow her down,  
He would pull off the Gypsies Gown;  
And the next time he did her meet,  
Would kick her up and down the street.   

The Baker seeing him thus rage,  
Speaks thus his fury to assuage;  
We both are wronged alike, and I  
Will be revenged or will die:  
Let us work closely, than quoth he,  
And make no noise, and you shall see,  
we'll play a prank shall fit her well,  
And make her wish her name not Nell.   

Things thus concluded, they agree,  
To make no noise of what they see;  
They were so true unto there trust,  
That the poor jade did not mistrust.  
They notice took of wh●● was done,  
But thought herself clear ●s the Sun:  
But you shall hear this subtle Shaver,  
With a sly trick did much beslave her.   

They both went straight and knocked at door,  
As if they'd not been there before;  
And tells her now his friend and he,  
Were then resolved to agree:  
And that a Supper was provided,  
where this their case should be decided,  
Let her choose one, the other he,  
Should not control her liberty.   

Away she goes with these her friends,  
Without mistrusting of their ends;  
They took a Coach and did convey  
Their Lady quite another way:  
And made the Coachman stop a while,  
Without the town near half a Mile:  
And took her forth immediately,  
And thus began their Roguery.   

The Baker cries I understand,  
Your Ladyship hath late took Man,  
And since you are so hot 'tis meet,  
Cold water should assuage your heat:  
Of thy unfaithful Lecherous Tail,  
With that they both of them did trail  
Her to a little Pond there by,  
And souzed her very handsomely.   

The Tailor being loath to be  
Behind his friend in Courtesy,  
Lends her his helping hand, and ties  
Her head and face between her thighs:  
And minding to go through stitch,  
Sticks a light Candle in her Breech;  
And in that posture leaves with jeers,  
Her with her Coats about her ears.   

They thereupon took Coach, and pray  
She'd make no more such Fools as they,  
Lest the next time some other Man,  
Show her a worse trick ten to one:  
The Wench at last got lose, but how,  
In truth good Reader I don't know:  
So shamed she was at what was done,  
That home again she never come.   

Some say this Wenches Friends do dwell  
Near Derby hard by Kelston-Well:  
And that she is gone down to try,  
To cure her Itching Lechery:  
But others think the reason why,  
She from her dwelling thus did fly,  
Was 'cause her shame flew in her face,  
She left the Town to shun disgrace.     

Printed for F. Coles, T. Vere, J. Wright, and J. Clarke.,