Trotters Journeyman on his amble to the Gallows or the confession of John Mew, before execution.  
Gentlemen,  
I Confess to have been brought up under a Trotter, but being taken from thence by my Rider Tichbourn, and put into the Trammels of Rebellion, I soon took a very good pace, and ever since have stepped at such a distance; that I presumed none scruple my interferring, it being easy to have driven a Wheel-barrow between my legs when I strutted in the head of my Regiment (some report that being in the Tower, I should steal King Henrries Pin-cussion: and for its safer conveyance slipped it under my twist, which occasioned my pedantic Garb) but to that I assent not; To warn those petty Pieces of good luck which attended me, since I dropped into the House of Office at my Mr. Pettits: Be pleased to know, I was made a Captain of Horse (before I was a Soldier) and being to exercise my Troop, (with Bedstaffs in my Holsters) my Word of Command was Stand to your Arms Gentlemen, by which the nimbler puppets then in motion, thought me more sit to be a a Colonel of Foot; of which I no sooner heard, then hasted to my place to salute myself with the Title of Noble Colonel, and their begins to ape (as I thought) the most becoming Postures for my New Created Honour, by which I am now become so ridiculous, (and some Dispute whether the substance was in me, or my likeness the one being a shadow, and the other but a vapour,) but to proceed, how busy I was in the disciplying, or rather caneing my men: I have cause to remember having taught one of them to handle his Arms so well, that he mademe a while after unable to lift mine to my head: I had added to this, the Honour, of being a Militia Man, if you please, a Malicious Man, and returning from thence somewhat late, I found a person (who believing me an Officer of the Rump) was shiting at my Door, but I made him know, I belonged to the Commit of Danger, though I committed him to Safety.  
Who upon examination, confessed his design of Blowing open my Door, and to force away my silver Head-piece, and my beloved Glass, in which I first see me self a Colonel. There are some who have added to my Title of Colonel, that of Shallow brains, but had they fathomed my dept, when I marched into Cornwall with my brother Hewson) they would have waved it, for it might have been observable how I guarded the blind side leaving his single eye as a Butt to any marksman in hopes that being out, I might at last supply the office of a Dog and a Bell; to beg the charity of the Gentlecraft: But alas! Fortune doth not always favour Fools, for now though my Case be alturd, yet my shitten luck hath its period: I now lament my impudent, intruding the Common Council, for which I was shamefully turned out where each Man very readily lent me his foot to help me out of the crowed, I now bewail my playing the changeling in going to the Exchange, and thrusting my Betters from the wall, for now, alas! I cannot walk quietly in the channel, the lesser boys being ready to piss upon me: but what grieves me most, is I am like to be deprived of the Office of Tichbourns Cashkeeper (from which I have sucked more sweetness, than ever he did from his Cluster of Canaan's Grapes) by the loss: of which I shall be no longer able to proffer the Merchant's ready Money, and then those that lead me out of there Warehouses then, will kick me out now: but I do but wait till my Brother Hewson is cut down from the Gibbet, and then I shall save them that labour.  
Vale.