A VINDICATION OF THE RUMP: OR, THE RUMP RE-ADVANCED.  
To the Tune of, Up tails all.  

FUll many a Ballad hath been penned,  
and scoffing Poem Writ  
Against the RUMP, but I intent  
to speak in praise of it.  
Come Jove and Apollo, come Venus and Mars,  
And lend your assistance: to speak of the A—  
will require a Prodigious wit.   

There's scarce a Lady to be found  
that loves either Pear or Plum  
One half so well, if she be sound,  
as tabering at her B—.  
It may be, you'll say, I'm wide of the Case,  
Since that music's made in a distant place:  
I answer, the breadth of your Thum.   

When Alderman Atkins did bemar  
his Hose, through a Panic fear,  
And Captain Rea, that Man of War,  
Oh! what a Hogo was there?  
If you ask me, what praise is in this? at a word,  
The Captain so fenced himself by a T—  
that his enemies could not come near.   

There is not a Lawyer in Country or Town,  
whose Rhetoric doth prevail,  
Although he hath purchased Fee-simple Gown, th'  
but loves to be dealing in tail;  
And I may well swear by Apollo or Mars,  
That at a place called, the Oven's Arse,  
oft times I have drunken good Ale.   

And when you are dallying with a young Maid  
would you not her buttocks bethump?  
And I have been often well paid  
with a Goose both fat and plump:  
The body being eaten, we strive for the tail,  
Each man with his Kan'kin of nappy brown Ale,  
doth box it about for the RUMP.   

The RUMP of a Coney I often have seen  
most piteously clawed by a Ferret,  
And a Capon's Rump is a bit for a Queen,  
although she's a person of merit.  
In preaching & praying who spends the whole day,  
At nights keeps a Rump wherewithal for to play,  
be he never so full of the spirit.   

I wonder who first called the Parliament RUMP,  
some say, that it was Jack Hobby,  
And some, fiery Pryn: good wits will jump;  
now I writ not this to bob ye,  
But only to tell ye, that good Mr. Pryn,  
For all that he's cropped, yet he could not get in,  
but was fain to remain in the Lobby.   

The other day I was going in haste,  
(to think on't, it grieves my heart)  
I saw a poor fellow all naked to the waste,  
and whipped at the Arse of a Cart:  
His Rump ('tis true) suffered the rout. But I would  
Fain know who it was, that durst be so bold,  
as to call Mr. Speaker Sir F—   

He might as well have styled him Anus,  
since he was the mouth of the RUMP,  
As cunning a Fox as Rome's Sejanus:  
but I do not love for to frump;  
Or else I could tell ye, my friends, to an Ace,  
What good can accrue to the Land by a Mace,  
as long as the Knave's the great'st Trump.   

Our zealous sticklers for Reformation  
will edify on the Rump of a Sister,  
And it will never grow out of fashion  
to physic the tail with a Glister.  
But beware that Monk doth not come with a bitter  
Purge to our Rump, which will make her beshit her,  
for she hath already bepissed her.   
Rumpatur.   

London, Printed for Rosicler Arsewind, the RVMP's Leather-Seller.