The Westminister Frolic: Or, The Cuckold of his own procuring.  
Being a true Relation of a Vintner, who for a considerable quantity of Guianies undertook to persuade his Servant Maid to prostitute herself to a young Spark, pretending to her that it was no other but himself; whreupon she seemingly complying, discovered it to her Mistress, who supplying her place, grafted her Husbands Head.  

Thus may we see how scurvy ill-stared fate  
Does cross some men, nay how they do create  
Their own misfortunes, yet for to be bold  
The Vintner got his Horns well tipped with Gold.   
Tune of, hay boys up go we.  
 
 

A Frolic strange I'll to you tell,  
the like you ne'er did hear:  
A Vintner at Westminster  
(as it will plain appear)  
A handsome servant Maid did keep,  
Which makes him now to rue  
For by mistake his head was Horned   

this story it is true.   

This beauteous maid inflamed a Spark  
both comely, rich, and gay,  
Who her in vain solicited  
with him to go astray,  
And offered her great store of Gold  
but all that would not do,  
She would not yield to Lawless Love:   

this story it is true.   

Which he perceiving, was the more  
desirous of his will,  
And many ways he cast about  
his purpose to fulfil:  
At length he thought her Master might  
oblige her to come to  
Tho by it he did Horn his head:   

this story it is true.   

To him he then revealed his mind  
with promises of Wealth;  
If that he could his Maid persuade  
to yield him love by stealth.  
After some pause and Gold in hand  
he undertook to do  
The thing that after Horned his pate.   

the story it is true.   
 
 
 

Then kindly to his Maid he spoke,  
and often on her smiled,  
That she the better by such means  
might quickly be beguiled;  
Watching his time he untertakes  
then for himself to woo,  
By which design he Horned his pate:   

this story it is true.   

At first she mighty strange did seem,  
as coy as coy could be;  
But after many tempting words  
she seemed to agree:  
But what he did it was resolved  
in darkness he should do;  
And there alas he Horned was:   

the story it is true   

Fo● whilst he to the Gallant went  
to tell him how he sped,  
The Crafty Lass her Mistress told  
What proffers he had made;  
Who highly did commend her for 't,  
and undertook to do  
The thing which horned her husband's head   

the story it is true.   

The Room appointed private was,  
and made exceeding dark,  
When at the hour appointed came  
the over-joyful Spark  
His long-wished joys for to possess,  
and pleasure to pursue;  
But by mistake the Vintner Horned;   

the story it is true   

For why? The Mistress was conveyed  
upon the bed there placeed  
And feigned the Virgin's voice so well,  
that kindly he embraced  
His supposed lovely Charmer fast,  
and sport did oft renew,  
He bravely Horned the Vintner's head,   

the story it is true.   

Whilst in one corner of the Room  
the Virgin she did stand  
And heard what passed, the Vintner eke  
was ready there at hand  
To keep the door but little thought  
what after he did rue;  
Which was the Horning of his pate:   

the story it is true.   

For why? with oft embraces tired,  
at last they taking rest,  
The Lady who had sported long  
herself in words expressed:  
I plainly see, said she aloud,  
you if you list can do  
The feats of love, thought not with me:   

the story it is true.   

I find you can▪ ungrateful man,  
see how you are deceived:  
You thought your Maid was in your arms  
when you so closely cleaved,  
But you're mistaken it is plain;  
at this the Gallant knew  
That he the Vintner Horned had:   

the story it is true.   

When between pleased and vexed he called  
him straightway in to see  
How he had finely fooled himself  
in such a high degree;  
At which Hornmad he cursed and swore  
and much distracted grew,  
Because he by mistake was horned   

the story it is true.   

But seeing that his Horns were tipped  
he rested satisfied,  
And pocketed them instantly  
his infamy to hide:  
And vowed he'd never more procure,  
what ever he did do,  
Since by his own procurement Horns  
upon is Forehead grew.    

Printed for J. Wright J. Clark W. Thackery & T. Passenger