The Last WILL and TESTAMENT OF FATHER PETRES.  

I.  
IN his Holiness Name,  
With Amen I proclaim  
My Last Will and Testament following:  
Who in Body am well,  
But in Mind monstrous ill;  
While in dismal Dispair I am wallowing.   

II.  
My Soul I bequeath,  
To the Regions beneath;  
It has long to the Devil been due:  
To be tortured in pain,  
More than I did ordain  
To inflict on the Heretic Crew.   

III.  
My Body a pledge,  
I give to the Sledge,  
To ride on't to Tyborn in state:  
And there in a Cart,  
Before I depart,  
All my Villainous Actions relate.   

iv  
When the Rout I've haranged,  
To submit to be Hanged;  
And ere Dead to be cut down and Quartered:  
While each Blockhead and Whore,  
Dips a Clout in my Gore,  
To proclaim to the World I am Martyred.   

V  
My Politic Head  
With my Quarters when Dead,  
Each one to be perched on a Pole;  
Thus by prophetic Spirit,  
According to Merit,  
I've disposed of my Body and Soul.   

VI  
And next I declare  
Not to mention an Heir,  
My Executors wholly and full,  
To Cut of all other,  
The Spark and his Mother,  
Who Three Politic Nations would Gull.   

VII.  
My Funeral Charge,  
As it will not be large,  
So 'twill take up less Room in my Will:  
But were it much more,  
Since I die on this Score,  
They'll never be troubled with Bill.   

VIII.  
It may do 'em both good  
For all their High Blood,  
'Tis full Threescore thousand Complete:  
As I got it by Fools,  
So I leave it to Tools,  
While the Church and Relations I Cheat.   

IX.  
My Books, tho' not many,  
For I never loved any,  
They may keep for their private Occasions;  
They're of Riddles and Dreams,  
From whence I took Themes  
To furnish myself with Orations.   

X.  
The rest of my Stuff,  
Since they have enough,  
I Bequeath to a pretty young Sinner;  
'twill furnish a Room  
 practise at Home,  
And Encourage a happy Beginner.   

XI.  
I'll not give 'em the Trouble  
To pay the Priests double,  
To fetch me from Purgatory:  
For that like the rest  
Of our Creed, is a Jest;  
And as true as the Song of John Dory.   

XII.  
For if there's a Hell,  
I deserve it so well  
I need not Dispair of the Place;  
And none but an Ass  
Will believe that the Mass,  
Can ever restore him to Grace.   

XIII.  
I confess there are Fools,  
Which our Church daily Gulls,  
And particularly with this Notion:  
Such as when they do Pray,  
Know not one word they say,  
'Tis their Ignorance helps their Devotion.   

XIV.  
But I am wide of my Text,  
Being damnably vexed  
To see how the Jesuits are Fooled;  
And your Prospects of Peace  
Does my Torments increase,  
More than losing my Life and my Gold.   

XV.  
On our Brotherhood all  
May my last Blessing fall,  
And on every Monk, Friar and Priest;  
May they ere 'tis too late  
Partake of my Fate,  
And become every Heretics Jest.   

XVI.  
I would have Enlarged,  
But my Conscience discharged,  
I'll here make an End of my Sermon,  
And wish all this Throng  
May be damned, Old and Young,  
And so drive away Honest Carman.   
FINIS.