A PILL To purge Melancholy: OR, A PREPRATIVE TO A PURGATION: or, Topping, Copping, and Capping: take either or whether: or, Mash them, and squash them, and dash them, and diddle come derry come daw them, all together.   

In laudem implaudim.  
This worthy Work may printed be,  
For aught therein that I can see:  
For the gave Author nothing saith  
Contrary to the Catholic faith;  
Nor ought therein that doth agree  
With learning, wit, or good morality.  
His odd vain.   

To M. Baw-waw Health, with increase of mirth and merry conceits.  
Master Baw-waw, as one unknown, yet moved through affection, as also hearing of your arrival into England, I have made bold to dedicate this my simple labour unto you; to be shrouded, sheilded, and defended by your indifferent censure, you being a Spirit all compoz'de of mirth and merry conceit: And although it may seem but a toy, yet being read, may refrigerate your senses tossed and wearied with the tedious travel of foreign Countries, as also stir up a heart plunged in melancholy, and add alacrity to a mind disposed to mirth. Thus, not knowing how I may well commend it, I refer it (as before) by you to be censured.  
Yours his blue vain,   

A Pill to purge Melancholy.  
I Cannot but malign, and with dire execrations bellow forth the gorgonian dieresis of your late commensed misprision, whereby you do unkennel your Goatish affections, and let loose the fiery codpeece-humor, & Sparrow-like dominations calcio●ated with the modulation of your supposed Arcadian sprightliness, to serenize my metaphysical parts. But I wonder how this crooknosd conceit of yours, came snayling itself into the diurnal revolution of your jadelike, plunging, dirty, & scavenger-like, sweeping & rakeing together the rubbish and outcast of your Herringcobs' inventions: But to shape my invention to your tailors wit, and my tilting style to your Noddiships' understanding, now I come to it. I hear that you mean (Oh scurvy lousy meaning) to betrate unto the world the untimely birth, or the addle egg of your late long ill lobored lines, which you have like ill commodities so oft thrust upon my hands, continually soliciting me with them; which I cashier: and yet me thinks you should not be so inconsiderately foolish, as to be the bellows to puff abroad thine own disgraces: and I have almost perished my brains with continual retrograding them, how thou durst presume to call my unstained name in question, with thy scattering Papers like half penny gigges: but I command thee by thy Pumps and Pantofles to desist from printing them, or I do asseverate my bath unto thee, that I will cause thee to be most dangerously exulcerated. Hadst thou none to theorize thy halting barbarism and wit-wanting Howliglas upon, but me, and then to print it for every trencher-waighting foolish knave to slaver on't As God catch me, either down upon your knees erectis manibus, and yell for mercy at the portal grates of my compassion, or I will so castice thee inflicting dismal coratives upon thy fainting soul, that thou shalt be enforced to vilify thy Rotundities, the only storehouse for thy Bread and Cheese. Therefore, presently turn the hourglass of your determination, or look for Rods.  
She that scorns thee and thy puffie stuff: snuff.   

A Pill to purge Melancholy.  
I Have double dd. received your Letter, written in a fiddling style: which I have answered with a crowding spirit. I have been divers times at the Portal grates of your compassion, to ask forgiveness for my sins, but by reason of your absence, I remain as yet still a wicked sinner, because you are not there to give me absolution. I do perseveere in my scurvy lousy meaning, to bewray & betray the world with my flattering Papers like six penny gigges, and to have them printed: and to confirm my resolution, I have sworn by my Pumps and Pantofles, Boots, Slippers, and Shoes, it shall be performed with as much expedition as may be. Your scurvy lofty lousy Letter, with my crabbed crooked answer to be printed amongst the rest, to your praise and my shame: and if you will send me twenty more such snuffs, they shall be answered, but how: I will not promise you in an Arcadian spirit, but rather with some Lenton relictes, or with some drunken drowsy draffie dirty dunghill style, or scavenger like kind of writing and inditing, fit for such drivelling scribbling snivelling filthy fiddling stuff: Therefore I countermand you, presently to aucrt your heavy displeasure & indignation conceived and intended against me, or look for no favour at my hands.  
He that loves thee and thy snuffie stuff, Snipsnap.   

To all scorners, scoffers, mockers, iybers, and deriders: And to all foul knaves, fine knaves, fair knaves, proud knaves, pretty knaves, prating knaves, foolish knaves, flattering knaves, fliering knaves, cogging knaves, deceitful knaves, soothing knaves, smoothing knaves, dissembling knaves, mad●e knaves, merry knaves, drowsy knaves, drunken knaves, harm hatch knaves, warm watch knaves▪ cold catch knaves, harm watch knaves, and harm catch knaves: and to all other inferior knaves, of what quality and property soever; together with all lacks, whipjacks, and skipiacks; Daws, Woodcocks, Peacocks, and Weathercocks: and to all and singular flat knaves and very knaves, Tapsters, tilters and tilers; diggers, ditchers and delvers; plotters, workers, devizers and contrivers of Roagrie, knavery, and villainy: long cut, short cut, pinch cut, and pluck cut; the writer hereof sendeth greasing and greeting, raking, shooveling, swapping, loading, threshing and sweeping; with salting, seazoning and savouring, powdering, spiceing and favouring; brushing, blouzing and blazing, with blowing, firing, and flaming.  
YOur Letter (fair Mistress) was delivered, and received, according to the direction: but being written in a lofty style, it may require some extraordinary deliberation to answer your fooliships' abomination: but because it may not seem altogether t●●●●se headrace and majesty, I thought I would hit ye and wit ye, and scant ye and want ye, and lack ye and lot ye, and get ye and have ye, and lose ye. Then feel ye and find ye, and fire ye & flint ye, and flame ye, and tiler ye and tailor ye, and trifle ye and trash ye, and tilt ye and tinke ye and tile ye, and tinker ye and moil ye and toil ye, and thimble ye, and thatch ye & thrash ye, and sheep ye and sith ye and shear ye, and shape ye and souter ye and shoe ye and size ye and saaw ye and seam ye, and quiver ye and quaver ye and quake ye, and mould ye and crust ye and knead ye, and brew ye and bake ye and kake ye, and wake ye and crumb ye and cram ye, and think ye and shank ye, and size ye and sink ye, and shiverye and shackle ye and shake ye, and quip ye and quirk ye and quilt ye, and firm ye and farm ye, and iron ye and press ye and fit ye. Then tit ye and lip ye and tap ye, and heel ye and halt ye, and hop ye and top ye and cop ye, and lip ye and lap ye & lop ye, and hick ye & hack ye & hue ye, and hood ye and heart ye and hind ye, and horn ye and hammer ye and stammer ye, and stunnie and head ye. Then hip ye and nip ye and skip ye, and trim ye & try ye, and tard ye and trace ye and trip ye. Then nettle ye and tickle ye and prickle ye, and taint ye and tempt ye & turn ye, and wind ye and paintye and burn ye, and colour ye and tart ye and tinckt ye, and mouse ye and touse ye, and tug ye and touch ye and taste ye. Then snail ye & slow ye and slime ye, and snake ye and snig ye and lime ye, and spider ye and thread ye and spin ye, and weave ye & wave ye, and web ye and wirpe ye and warp ye, and wriggle ye and wrangle ye and wrap ye, and frisk ye and fringe ye and fold ye, and nick ye and nit ye and net ye, and scramble ye and scrawle ye and crawl ye, and mount ye and creep ye & climb ye. Then train ye and tail ye, and trill ye and troll and trail ye, and trap ye & clack ye and clap ye, and fish ye and she ye & flap ye, and nibble ye and worm ye and bait it, and angle ye and hook ye and hinge ye. Then snare ye and snarl ye and snatch ye, and grippell ye and grappell ye and gripe ye, and snaffle ye and snuff ye and sniffe ye, and snip ye and snap ye, and clip ye and cap ye, and crispe ye and cripp and crop ye, and snivel ye and snout ye, and snift ye and snieze ye, and snit ye and snat ye and snot ye. Then trick ye and prick ye and prank ye, and span ye & spew ye and spit ye, and tramp ye and track ye & tread ye, and goat ye and butt ye and buck ye, and hunch ye and punch ye, ann kibe ye and kid ye and kit ye, and sparrow ye and spurn ye and kick ye. Then curb ye & knife ye and cut ye, and wound ye and ulcer ye and hurt ye. Then honour ye & hour ye and sour ye, and sipp ye and sopp ye, and sauce ye and souse ye, and salt ye & seazou ye and saver ye, and powder ye and spice ye and favour ye, and sugar ye & swave ye, and hounie ye and bitter ye and sweet ye. Then carve ye and serve ye and salve ye, and plaster ye and heal ye & cure ye, and alter ye and palter ye, and pinner ye and pander ye and peddler ye, and plume ye and feather ye and fiddler ye. Then crook ye and cuckold ye and corn ye, and knit ye and knot ye and knag ye, and snig ye and snag ye & crag ye, and kricke ye and kracke and krancke ye, and bind ye and fast ye & lose, and knave ye & cramp ye & knack ye. Then hench ye and wrinch ye, and twinch ye and pinzer ye and pinch ye, and wring ye and wrest ye and writhe ye, and catch ye and cousin ye, and klinke ye and clasp ye and clinch ye. Then owl ye and gloze ye and glaze ye, and gander ye & goose ye and gaze ye, and glass ye & glimpse ye and glance ye, and glaunder ye and glade ye and glide ye, and pump ye and slipper ye and slide ye, and glitter ye and gull ye and gleek ye. Then stagger ye and stumble ye and strip ye, and straddle ye and strap ye and stride ye, and stifle ye and style ye and steel ye, and fillip ye & fiddle ye and firk ye, and crowd ye and finger ye and file ye. Then fine ye and foul ye and fair ye, and clatter ye and claw ye and scratch ye, and harbour ye and hoover ye & hide ye, and hatch ye and harrow ye and hoard ye, and store ye and hive ye and starve ye, and soothe ye and flatter ye and fail ye. Then apple ye and eye ye, and ear ye & fear ye, and sponge ye & sing ye, & single ye and sign & seal ye. Then chip ye and chop ye, and champ ye and chaw ye and chouze ye, and scatter ye and spread, and butter ye and baste ye and bread ye, and chalk ye and change ye and cheeze ye, and batter ye and bite ye and refuse ye. Then stick ye and straw ye and daw ye, and fluse ye and fling ye and flaw ye. Then ferret ye and fear ye and fray ye, and gast ye and ghost ye and sprite ye, and fetter ye and fox ye and fright ye. Then shrove ye and shrine ye, and shrive ye and shrift ye, and court ye and coach ye and cart ye, and dirt ye and drive ye and drag ye, and drudge ye and dross ye and draff ye, and daub ye and mire ye and lagg ye, and whoop ye and hollow ye and whistle ye, and dish ye and dash ye, and lash ye and plash ye, and shuffle ye and carded ye and shift ye, and clish ye and clash ye, and coop ye and couch ye and cash ye. Then fool ye and flout ye and poke ye a●d peat ye and point ye, and thrust ye and foin ye and foil ye, and fly ye and free ye and flight ye. Then hawk ye and lurk ye and lure ye, and male ye and meal ye and sift ye, and hand ye and heart ye and fist ye, and prime ye and prune ye and princke ye, and currle ye and frizzle ye and frounze ye, and pearl ye and pearl and pink ye, and prampe ye and fillit ye and pride ye, and swip ye and swap ye, & rake ye and shoovell ye and sweep ye, and noy ye and toy ye and coy ye, and jewel ye and iem ye and joy ye. Then pill ye and pick ye and pair ye and poll ye and shave ye & spare ye, and bald ye and skin ye and bore ye. Then slit ye and slive ye and slay ye, and slice ye and thin ye and share ye, and drench ye and dive ye, and duck ye & drown ye, and swim ye and sink ye and save ye. Then skoggin ye and scoff ye and scorn ye and skald, and scar ye and scurf ye and scarf ye, and mock ye and mop ye and mow ye, and shelter ye and shield ye, and shroud ye and shade ye, and house ye and mow ye and mew ye. Then hobby ye and horse ye and hire ye, and dingle ye and dandle ye, and spingle ye and spangle ye, and fickle ye and fancy ye, and ferry ye and fingle ye and fangle ye, and handle ye dandle ye and dance ye, and hazzell ye and dazzell ye, and muse ye and maze ye, and fizzell ye and mizzell ye, and mad ye and mewt ye and missed ye, and dull ye & dolt ye and dunce ye. Then diddle cum derrie cum be ye and boe ye and buzz ye, and amble ye and troth ye and prance ye. Then addle ye and idle ye and bridle ye, and bramble ye and brier ye and branch ye, and burr ye and bride ye and brush ye, and lark ye and lerke ye and jerk ye, and gigg ye and iogg ye and jolt ye, and jangle ye and rod ye and ride ye, and whiscum whascum broke ye & brine ye & breech ye. Then swigger ye and swegger ye, and swagger ye and swelled ye, and stibb ye and stab ye, and stobb ye and stare ye and start ye, and rove ye and run ye and rhyme ye, and riddle ye & rend ye and rive ye. Then tune ye and time ye and tame ye, and pot ye and pitcher ye and pan ye, and stopple ye and bottle ye and bag ye, and beggar ye and pipe ye and can ye, and itch ye and pitch ye and patch ye, and bangle ye and bungle ye and botch ye, and mend ye and cobble ye and piece ye. Then base ye and case ye and busk ye and brace ye and lace ye. Then ruffian ye and ruffle ye, and ramp ye and ripe ye and reach ye, and pilfer ye and pelf ye, and rifle ye and spoil and rob ye, and slay ye and filch ye & fleece ye, and ribbell ye & rabbell ye, and stibber ye and slabber ye, and scribbell ye & scrabbell ye, and blibber ye and blabber ye, and bluster ye and blister ye, and storm ye and whirtle ye and wind ye and rain ye and hail ye, and chaff ye and snow ye, and blather ye and blow ye and blast ye. Then huff ye and buff ye and muff ye, and toe ye and taw ye, and tough ye and raw ye and rug ye and ruff ye and rag-men roll ye and snuff ye, and post ye and past ye and puff ye, and clod ye and turd ye and turf ye, and court ye & coast ye and puff ye and cuff ye and snuff ye. Then blubber ye and sullen ye and sob ye, and drip ye & drop ye & drivel ye, and sliver ye and slaver ye, and slooven ye and sot ye and slut ye, and wipe ye & trencher ye and tripe ye, and boil ye and some ye, and suds ye and soap ye, and surge ye and swill ye & swell ye, and water ye & lad ye, and mell ye and fell ye, and wag ye and colt ye, and quiddle ye and quill ye and quell ye, and flish ye and flash ye, & driggle ye and draggle ye, and willow ye wallow ye & wash ye and lave ye & blithe ye & bathe ye, and lout ye and clout ye and cleave ye, and lance ye and lank ye, and blanche ye and blank ye, and haunch ye & launch ye, and leg ye and flinch ye and flank ye. Then rascal ye & roister ye, and rotten ye and roag ye and raze ye, and ravel ye and revel ye and rivill ye, and jerk ye and iag ye & rag ye, and black ye blot ye and blur ye, and vail ye and mask ye and mum ye, and chance ye and dice ye, and drum ye, and nod ye vice ye and scum ye, and spot ye and blue ye and blend ye, and blear ye and blink ye and blind ye, and twerrle ye and twist ye and twine ye, and rock ye and reel ye and wind ye, and rick ye and rack ye & roll ye, and stitch ye and tack ye and round ye, and bend ye & bruise ye and break ye, and band ye and ball ye & bound ye, and chase yeaned chafe ye & heat ye, and cool ye and sweat ye and sound ye, and grind ye and grate ye and grieve ye, and gravel ye and gall ye & ground ye. Then straggle ye and struggle ye and strangle ye, and slip ye and soup ye, and sloupe ye and slop ye, and slim ye and slam ye & slave ye, and stem ye and stream ye and stray ye, and garnish ye and burnish ye and furnish ye, and bud ye & blossom ye and bloom ye, and flourish ye and flower ye & fresh ye, and gay ye & may ye and ray ye, and sport ye and rig ye and play ye, and wreath ye and bower ye and brave ye. Then bird ye and bolt ye and cage ye, and grave ye and wise ye and sage ye, and pope ye & prince ye and page ye, and rope ye and hang ye and rage's ye, and gild ye & gold ye and gauge ye. Then swillow ye and swallow ye, and swish swash ye and wash ye, and bib ye and drink ye, and quiffe ye and quart ye and quaff ye. Then jug ye and jack ye, and ginger ye and guinea ye & gill ye, and mortar ye and barter ye, and muster ye & master ye, and martyr ye and margerte and marry ye. Then maim ye & jar ye and mar ye, and manch ye granch ye, and mash ye & quince ye and quash ye, and mumble ye and mince ye and melt ye. Then humble ye and fumble ye and jumble ye, and lighten ye and flighten ye, and rumble ye and thunder ye and threat ye, and itter ye and titter ye and tipple ye, and mingle ye and mangle ye, and tingle ye & terrify ye and tangle ye, and type ye and toss ye and tire ye, and totter ye and weary ye and tumble ye. Then haunt ye & dainty ye and daunt ye, and taunt ye and viliffe ye and vaunt ye, and gigg ye and iebe ye, and juggle ye & jade ye & jest ye, and trouse ye and trump ye and frump ye, and love ye and loathe ye and leave ye, and win ye & wear ye & tear ye, and prise ye and praise ye and please ye, and chant ye and charm ye, and chin ye and check ye & chock ye, and lock ye and chain ye and clog ye, and link ye & chink ye, chatter ye and cherp ye & chime ye, and cock ye and crow ye, and cob ye and comb ye and comb ye, & cackle ye and cockle ye, and chockle ye & throttle ye choke ye, and cherry ye and merry ye, and roze ye and check ye and cheer ye, and print ye and lift ye, and load ye & light ye, and rouse ye and rect ye and right ye, and rayze ye and ease ye, and grace ye and grease ye and greet ye. Then aim ye and mark ye, and pin ye and prop ye, and shaft ye & shoot ye, and drib ye and short ye & miss ye. Then name ye and blame ye, and string ye and stretch ye and strain ye, and thing ye and toll ye and ring ye. Then stamp ye and stain ye, and sting ye and limp ye and lame ye. Then ban ye & bane ye, & anoint ye & balm ye, and slick ye and smear ye and smooth ye, and bundle ye & blouze ye and dlaze ye, and smother ye and smoke ye and waste ye, and barb ye and bless ye and curse ye, and kiss ye and cross ye and craze ye, and crab ye and crush ye and squize ye, and clown ye and crown ye, and sparge ye & spindle ye and sprinkle ye, and bill ye and beard ye and brain ye, and hit ye and fit ye and miss ye. Then pepper ye and poison ye and perch ye, and pine ye and perish ye and pain ye, and so fret ye and frost ye and frieze ye, and plunge ye and pardon ye & plague ye. And so fire the world with Rats and Brats, and Sprats and gnats, and knots and cords, & kogges and bobs, and nods and odds and Hearing-cobs, and buzzards and Bears and Bugs and Bats, and Flags and Flies & Wasps, and Burrs & beeves and Buffs, and Bees and Bawds and Butterflies.   

VAL.  
I commend me unto you, and to your Sister. Although at this time not worthy either to be remembered or commended, because she thought that a red Hearring was not a dish dainty enough to feast so royal a guest as a Commander, yet think I my stomach eager enough at all times and seasons to feed upon a poor Sprat, in her company. And although she thinks Sorrell a sauce too sweet for an Ass-head, yet I think Mustard & Greensauce without Sugar, not sweet enough for her calves-head. So I am very well content to bear the Asses burden ou my back for once, if she be as willing to wear the Ears, as I am pleased to stink of the Pump, because I am not able to endure a pair of strait Leather Shoes on my feet, my heels being sore. And to requite your kindness and goodwill, which I perceive you bear me, I have sent you by this bearer some Ditties and Songs, such as I have: And if it lie in my power to gratify you with a better thing, ye shall command me. In the mean time, I rest beholding unto you for your courtesy showed me at the poor widows house, being in your Sister's conceit too homely a roof to entertain so great a Commander: And for bidding me, Come up Ass into a higher room, that Choleric Pill of hers will easily be digested with one pleasant conceit or other of monsieur de Kempe on Monday next at the Globe, where I would gladly meet you, if your leisure will so permits▪ In the mean time I bid you farewell.  
FINIS.