A Meet help. OR, A Wedding SERMON, Preached at Newcastle in New-England, June 19th. 1694.  
At the Marriage of Mr. John Clark, AND Mrs. Elizabeth Woodbridge.  
By Mr. john Cotton, Pastor of the Church at Hampton.  Heb. 13.4. Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but Whoremongers and Adulterers God will Judge. Hos. 3.3. Thou shalt not play the Harlot, and thou shalt not be for another man, so will I also be for thee. Cant. 2.16. My beloved is mine, and I am his. 
Boston, Printed by B. Green, and J. Allen. Sold by Michael Perry, at his Shop over against the Town house, 1699.   

To the Candid READER.  
THis small Tract had come to light before now, had it not been for the averseness of the Author thereunto. The Auditory to whom it was Preached, were so satisfied and pleased with the Discourse that they did generally in the season of it, desire it might be made public; the unwillingness of the Preacher (whose design was wholly to have stifled it) hath hitherto hindered and delayed it; but being overcome at last, others that got the perusal of it, do judge that whether in season, or out of season, it may be useful. Marriage is one of the most considerable Changes that befall the Children of men in this World; and though it be so, that some spend a considerable age, and live and die without tasting the sweets of it; whether frighted by an apprehension of imagined and insuperable sorrows attending it, or from a natural frigidity, or a morose unsociable temper, or on religious grounds or pretences, or perhaps on other reasons not mentioned, must be left to themselves; but the generality of the Children of men do so far answer the Law of their Creation, and the end of this Institution that they do incline and desire, and in time actually enter on this Change, without which the World would cease; and we cannot easily see, how the great things that God hath yet to do on the Stage of the World, would be accomplished. Marriage then being of such general concernment to the Sons and Daughters of Adam, and to the Church of God; it is good for every one to be advised about it, and when they engage in it, so to do it as may best answer all its ends; and wisdom in this as in all other weighty Concerns, must be sought of him who giveth liberally, and upbraideth not: it being God alone that can guide into ways that are plain and easy, or sweeten any Change or Condition to us, and render that State that would be otherwise thorny and perplexing to us, to be comfortable and pleasant. Hence its requisite, that not only his presence be sought, but his Oracles consulted; which some neglecting, and driving on furiously, having their heat kindled by some secular Interest, have run themselves into such entanglements and intricacies, that they could afterward find it easier to bewail themselves in; then extricate themselves out of. The Sac●●●● 〈…〉 its Counsels in reference to this Affair; the Apostle spends a large Chapter upon it. 1 Cor. 7. and though he gives liberty to the Unmarried to pitch on whom they will, yet he limits it with that restriction, only in the Lord, which some not observing, it may be said of their Matches, as God sometimes speaks of Israel's Kings. Hos. 4 8. They have set up Kings, but not by me, they have made Princes, and I knew it not; on which account it was sometimes spoken in reference to one of them: That he gave him in his anger, and took him away in his wrath This is enough to show us, that Truths of this nature, are sometimes to be managed, opened, unfolded and applied by the Ministers of the Gospel; and the Ensuing Sermon being at such a time, was pertinent to the purpose in hand, and a word in season; and is thereupon commended to thy perusal, with sincere wishes, it may prove to thy benefit.  
Per Auditorem.   

A Meet Help. Or, A Wedding SERMON.  
WE are invited this day (to a Wedding Supper, I can't say) but to a Wedding Sermon. Marriage as well as meat is sanctified by the Word of God and Prayer. 1 Tim. 4.5. It is the worst Clandestine Marriage saith one 
* Fuller  when God is not invited to it; when he is by Prayer and the Sanctification of his Word sought with it, as it is nobly Public, so may we expect it will be lastingly prosperous. That Word of the Lord which may he bless to the Sanctification of this, and so rendering it, you may ●nd Written,  Genesis II. 18. And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 
WHEN the Maker of the World had finished his glorious workmanship, the Heavens and the Earth, and all the Host of them, and had assigned man, who was as an Epitome or Compendium of the Creation (a Microcosm in this Macrocosm a lesser World in thi● greater) a convenient domicil or habitation, together with a Calling, in a Garden of his own planting; He takes notice yet of something wanting, at least for man's conveniency and comfort and resolves upon the providing of it. Indeed Junius, Piscator and Diadoti apprehend this done before man had his place assigned him in th● Garden; and I do grant it was on the Sixth Day, and before God took a Survey of his whole work, and pronounced thereon, That it was ver● Good: Though I do at present concur with Pareus, that it was after he was brought into the Garden. Then is the want of a Meet Help most seen, when a man is fixed to any certain place, or in any particular Calling, and it is goo● at such a time to look out for that which Go● did not see good that man should be without God Himself looked out for the first man, as good Parents sometimes do for their Children, and so he does indeed for all ever since, Matches are made in Heaven, and God brings to every Man his Wife that has one, verse 22. He consults the good of man more than man doth his own; ungrateful he, if he doth not consult God's Glory. God consults his pleasure, as well as his profit; ungrateful he, if he content not himself in the bounds that God hath set him; and if he content not himself to drink waters out of his own Cistern. Prov. 5.15. There cannot an inconveniency attend man's condition but God spies it sooner than man himself: it was not Adam said, It is not good that man should be alone, but it was the LORD GOD said it: nor is man more ready to remedy his own inconveniency than God is, I will make him an help meet for him, saith God. It is great folly, unbelief, and ingratitude for man not to rest contented with God's care of & provision for him, and disposal of all his concerns: all a man's own care is inopportune and insignificant without it, & misplaced where that is disinherited. The Apostle teacheth better, when he saith, Casting all your care upon him for he careth for you. 1 Pet. 5.7. Though I find man immediately upon his Creation, and in innocency in the Garden of Eden; I may not now stand to pick and present you with the many and various roses and flowers I find him surrounded with, for the time I am confined to, will permit me to gather no more than I can hastily catch at, growing upon these two Stalks, scil. The Observation that the Lord God, man's Maker, makes of the man he had placed in the Garden, and his resolution thereupon; (for of these two parts do the words we have read consist) the Observation he makes is, That it is not good that man should be alone, his resolution thereupon is, I will make him an help meet for him. I say first, the Observation he makes, is, that it is not good the man should be alone, and therein he doth recommend it as an Observation unto us, Scil.  
Obs. That it is not good that the man should be alone: This is what the Lord God hath said, and we may safely say it after him; and the Lord God said, said, whether in so many words and syllables, or in the mind of man, or revealing it, by an Angel, or any other way saith Austin, there is no need to seek, but rather that we understand what he did say; (be sure it serves to represent the Counsel of God in this matter (the same which he took in the Creating of man) or as acting by Counsel, and manifesting i● in the execution thereof.)  
These are then the questions proper here to be enquired into: Scil.  

1. In what sense we are to understand the phrase alone?  
2. In what respect it is not good that the man should so be?   
Quest. 1. In what sense we are to understand the phrase alone?  
Sol. Not of any solitude or solitariness; for in some sense it is good for a man to be alone, and at some times, as when he goes to meditate, etc. and at such a time as the Philosopher said, he is never less alone, then when he is alone; but by alone here we are to understand, without a Compeer, Consort, Companion as other Creatures had, without a woman, without a Wife, without a Meet Help, which it is therefore added, shall be prepared: It is not good that the man should be alone in this respect; which is to be understood again of the species (of mankind) not of Individuals, for it is granted of some Individuals, it is good of them to be alone, even in this respect, as of such as them mentioned. Mat. 19.12. and so such as are of an unsociable nature, are like brambles and briers, will tore and afflict all that come near them; and so likewise at some times, as in times of persecution it is good for a man not to touch a woman, saith the Apostle Paul. 1 Cor. 7.1. but then he speaks only of that particular time, as he explains himself, v. 26. I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress; and there may be yet other things that may render it convenient to this or the other individual to be alone, or for the present time, but in general, and for mankind it is not good. That is then the Second Enquiry, Scil.  
Quest. 2. In what respect it is not good that the man should be alone?  
Sol. 1. In that it doth not answer the end in man's Creation. As,  

1. The propagation of mankind; had man been or continued alone, how should mankind in a natural way, and regularly have been propagated? and should every man now do so, what would become of the whole world in one Age? God could indeed have Created at first such a number of men as he did of Angels, but it was God's pleasure to make of one blood, all Nations of men to dwell on all the face of the Earth. Acts 17.26. and in order to the obtaining of that end, it was not good that man should be alone.  
2. His gathering a Church out of mankind, that was God's end we see, in that it is done, but that could not have been, had mankind not extended beyond one individual.  
3. The Glory of his Mercy and Justice in Sending his Son in the Flesh, born of a woman which would never have been, had the man been alone, or had there been no woman; In these respects it don't answer God's end in man's Creation, and therefore is not good that the man should be alone.   
2. It don't answer man's immediate end, nor indeed any end of man; it is not good, i. e. neither bonum, jucundum, or utile, it is neither pleasant nor profitable, nor indeed honourable. The ●●od that man enjoys in this world (not to ●●eak of that which he doth, which is bonum ●●●estum, the good of honesty) is either ●●easure, profit or honour, but for man to be a●●●e doth not make for either of these.  

1. It doth not make for his pleasure; solitariness 〈◊〉 very uncomfortable the Wife man tells us, ●cles. 4.9, 10, 11, 12. Man is a sociable Creature, ●●d to such an one a solitary life, though abounding with all other good things, would be tedious and unpleasant; it must needs be so to him ●●o is alone in a wide world, and has none of 〈◊〉 kind with him, though the Creatures should 〈◊〉 subjected to his dominion.  
2. Nor doth it make for his profit; profit is commonly aimed at in marching as well as pleasure, and there are more ways than one where●● it is obtained, it doth not then make therefore to lead a single life; you know the proverb, ●●at he that would thrive, must first ask his ●ifes leave, and if so, he must have one to ask; 〈◊〉 doth not besure make for the profit of the ●nd, if by accident it should to the profit of this ●●dividual; as that the man should be alone ●oth not make for his profit, so neither  
3. Doth it make for his honour; Marriage is honourable in all, it is said, Heb. 13 4. that doth ●ot then make for his honour which is contrary ●o it; Thus we see in short then, that for man to be alone in the sense said, doth neither answer God's end, nor man's, and therefore it is not good. I might have been larger in showing it, but considering the Occasion, I shall content myself with what has been said, and proceed to the Use we should make of it.   
USE 1. Is it not good that the man should be a loan, or without the woman? this condemns Misogynists, such as cry out against all women, hate woman kind (if there be such among mankind) are bitter, and full of spiteful invectives against them; they hate and inveigh against them, whom it is not good that man should be without, and indeed that they are without them is commonly the reason why any do; their quarrel with them is, that which the Fox in the fable had with the Grapes, they are out of their reach: Women are Creatures without which there is no comfortable Living for man: it is true of them what is wont to be said of Governments, That bad ones are better than none: They are a sort of Blasphemers then who despise and decry them, and call them a necessary Evil, for they are a necessary Good; such as it was not good that man should be without. Prov. 18.22. Whos● findeth a Wif● findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord▪ And they are spoken of as the desire of the eye Ezek. 24.16, 21. It is with a more than Fem●nine impotency, that any declaim against th● whole Sex for the infirmity of some, and it may be without that cause either: they should all remember, that they are Sons of Women, that their Mothers were Women, and that otherwise they had never been Men; Yea, that the Lord JESUS CHRIST our Blessed Saviour, was born of a Woman, and that Blessed was the Womb that bore him and the Paps which gave him suck. Luk. 11.27. And that the Apostle Paul who was not for the cumbrances that attended a Married Estate in times of Persecution, yet calls Marriage honourable in all. Heb. 13.4. And another Apostle, would have honour given unto Women as the weaker vessels, and as being heirs together of the Grace of Life. 1 Pet. 3.7. Nay the Hebrews err on this extreme, while they say, There is nothing good but a Woman, and that he who lives without a Wife, remains without good etc. They think hither looks that of Solomon, in Prov. 18.22.  
2. This Condemns them who condemn or contemn Marriage; it condemns them who live a Monkish life, so much in request among the Papists; and it condemns that Popish conceit of the Excellency of Virginity, as if it were more perfect and complete than a Married State: whence many among them are devoted to it, as in their Nunneries etc. God was of another mind, It is not good, said God; they are differently minded than it seems from their Maker, the All wise God; they don't say after him, who thus practically say, It is good for man to be alone. How Monks who professedly live alone (and thence have their name Monks) will acquit themselves of being of a different Judgement, in this matter from their Maker, I do not presently see. I remember in Church History, I have read of one who immediately upon Marriage, without ever approaching the Nuptial Bed, indented with the Bride, that by mutual consent they might both live such a life, & according did sequestering themselves according to the custom of those times, from the rest of mankind, and afterwards from one another too, in their retired Cells, giving themselves up to a Contemplative life; and this is recorded as an Instance of no little or ordinary Virtue; but I must be pardoned in it, if I can account it no other than an affort of blind zeal, for they are the dictates of a blind mind they follow therein, and not of that Holy Spirit, which saith, It is not good that man should be alone: Nor can I from the same principle be an advocate for such who lead a single Life merely through Moroseness or Aversation to humane Society, or where there is no sufficient  to a double one, and the Maturity of years call for it. Indeed where there is a sufficient cause, there is nothing to be said against it, though what is so, to be duly considered: And though Bachelors as Mr. Fuller saith of them in his holy and profane State, may be the strongest Stake in the Hedge of the Common wealth, and the best work, and the greatest merit, for the Public have sometimes proceeded from such, while both in affection and means they have Married and Endowed the public; yet were there no other Stakes in the Hedge, it would soon fall to the ground, for when these are plucked up what would uphold the Hedge? They do nothing honestly towards the world's continuance, increasing God's Subjects or the Kings; and they come under the Condemnation of that Vulgar Sentence, Nascitur indignus, per quem non nascitur alter, that they are unworthy to Live themselves who are not instrumental of giving life to others.  
3. They do well who in the season of it seek a suitable Companion, and so do they who accept being suitably sought to; both do well: they enter into an Estate, wherein there are more hands to labour, more wits to advise, more means to comfort one another; and otherwise to do good. They both do well, and therefore should not be discouraged in it: Parents should not be too hard in giving their consent, though the Match is not always to their minds, they should remember that they are made in Heaven, and that there is a Secret Providence inclining the Hearts of Persons in this matter, which they should be wary how they withstand, lest they should do as Sampsons' Parents did, who for a while opposed his motion of that nature, Not knowing that it was of the Lord. Judg. 14.3, 4▪ Having faithfully and discreetly advised their Children, they should not too Tyranically impose upon them. We know by long Experience that forced Matches any way seldom do well: the Persons sought too should not be too hasty in their rejections, even there where they don't see reason presently to accept; nor indeed is it prudence to be too hasty any ways in that to which deliberation is called for. It is often seen in the World, that they who are forward to reject the Merchantable are at last glad of he refuse. They should not be too hasty, I say, in rejecting. He that giveth his Virgin in Marriage, saith the Apostle, doth well. 1 Cor. 7.38. And so doth She who gives herself with her Parents leave; and though he adds, but he that giveth her not in Marriage doth better, he only means in some respects, and at the present juncture, as he said before for the present distress, and to avoid trouble, as he saith, verse 28. If a Virgin marry she hath not sinned, nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh, and that so she might have liberty for things of a Spiritual nature, verse 34. But in other respects and according to the common order appointed by God, she doth well. They have done well both in seeking and accepting, who are the Occasion of our Assembling here at this time; and it is with great Approbation, I suppose, on all hands that we meet to Celebrate it publicly: That they may go on to do well, let it be our united Prayers.  
4. Let not them who are not alone, but united in Wedlock, be as if they were alone; though in some respects I grant they should be so, and that according to Apostolical precept; they that have Wives, should be as if they had none. 1 Cor. 7.27. i e. in respect of their minding Spiritual and Heavenly things: but let them not be as if they were alone in respect of their duty to each other; let not the Husband be so in neglecting the duty of the Husband, nor the Wife in neglecting the duty of the Wife: let not the Wife be so by the Husband's neglect, nor the Husband by the Wives: let them not be unsociable after they have Covenanted and Vowed a consortship, and solemnly plighted their Troth to each other: better be alone in reality than live so, or as if they were so, after they are wedded. I here add, let their Company with each other, be better than their being alone: Solitariness is better than some Company: Yoke-fellows should endeavour to endear one another by their mutual sweet Society. A Minister by virtue of his Calling indeed is to be much alone, if he is so in his Study, he should not be so when he comes out of it too; and he should always find that of his Companion to be instar Omnium, in the room of and beyond all other. To these who are now to be put together, I pray they may never be alone more but when occasionally asunder, they may yet be present with each other in Spirit and Effigy, that God may be always graciously present with them both, and that they may draw out the thread of their lives with an equal extent here, and inherit life eternal together in the other world. It is not good that the man should be alone. We come now in the Second place to the resolution hereupon. I will make him an help meet for him: which doth resolve us in what God did, that he did make such an help; and in that as an Observation.  
Obser. That God did make the Woman to be an help for the man. So did Adam call the person God brought to him, to be a meet help: context verse 23. I shall speak to this in a very few words, as few as it can be shown in: in what respect the Woman is an help meet for the man, and hint the use that is to be made of it.  
The Woman is or should be an help meet for the man in these following respects. Scil.  
As She answers natural, oeconomical and Theological ends; and how she doth each, I shall show presently: but I must first take notice, that the word here rendered Meet, is in the Original, As before him. Jerom reads it, Lake to him: the Seventy, According to him: as before him. i e. In his Image of his own kind, like to him, which should be as it were, a Second self, Graceful in his eyes; grateful to him, always as it were in his sight, and assistant in the work of his life; lifting as it were over against him, as the word is rendered, over against him. Josh. 5.13. So that it issues in what it is here rendered, Meet for him. Brutes are an help to man for many ends, whence they are called Jumenta, but they are not a meet help in this sense; they don't agree with him specie, they be not associated with him. etc. The woman is made to be and is a meet help to man.  
1. As She answers natural ends, and so is,  
1. A most sweet and intimate companion, and an entire friend; there is no stricter or sweeter friendship than conjugal; as it was the first in the world, so it is most natural.  
2. Is helpful in the propagating of mankind. Ruth 4.11. She helps build up the House.  
2. As She answers oeconomical ends, and so is assistant in Family affairs, in the Government of the House, ordering things within doors, especially (for the house is her Centre) and she should be an help as before him, should be a keeper at home. Tit. 2.5. Not a rash wrambler abroad: the Shellfish is an Hieroglyphic hereof, which carries her house on her head: like which therefore the painter drew Venus. The woman should keep at home, Educating of her Children. Prov. 1.8, 9 1 Tim. 5.14. Keeping and improving what is got by the industry of the man. The wise man finds a glass wherein good Wives may see themselves. Prov. 31.  
3. As She answers Theological or Divine ends.  
1. And so is an assistant to him in his Piety, and Honesty, a promoter of that; the Apostle supposeth them Praying, yea & Fasting together. 1 Cor. 7.5. 1 Pet. 3.7. So the man and woman, as one saith, are a Domestic Church. Indeed Julian the Apostate, Scoffed at the Woman's being a meet help in this respect, in that she was the person that drew man into Sin, that seduced him: It is true, She being seduced herself, seduced him; but it doth not follow, but that She was given for another end, and often attains it, and the missing it then should make Women the more wary for the future: And though the Apostle doth suppose them in a Married Estate, more involved in the cares of this life. 1 Cor. 7.32, 33, 34. Yet he supposeth them likewise helpers forward of each other in Faith & Love. verse 16. & 1 Pet. 3.1, 2.  
2. So an helper of his Infirmity, a remedy of unlawful Love; to avoid Fornication, saith the Apostle, Let every man have his own wife, etc. 1 Cor. 7.2. So that Satan tempt not for incontinency, verse 5. The woman is a meet help as she answers these ends.  
USE. Did God make her for this end? Hence first man needed her, and therefore now should not despise her.  
2. She was made for man, and therefore should not despise but honour him, and yield Subjection to him as her Head; the Apostle infers this from her being made for man out of man, after man, and yet falling before him. 1 Cor. 11.8, 9 1 Tim. 2.12, 13, 14  
3. Hence of the more public Service the man is, the greater helper is the woman called▪ to be, that becomes his Wife; And the more Service she doth to God and her Generation, while she doth the duty of her place, and is the more happy therein; a good encouragement to Marry good Ministers, though they should live but poorly, and not have their reward in this Life.  
4. Hence they who be not meet helps, do not answer their end; they who are an affliction and scourge to man, pervert the Order of God, and nature, and of such an one (saith chrysostom) adjutorium Diaboli non viri  
5. Hence man is to use her as a meet help, as a companion, not as a Servant, and should again be an help, and an head to her. Eph. 5.28.  
6. Hence men may see what Yoke fellows they are to choose, and what help to expect from them, and they who want may be encouraged for to seek: Si qua voles apt nubere nub● pari, every good man won't suit every good woman, et e contra.  
7. Let the woman be what she was made for, a meet help, not an unmeet hindrance; that is the description given of the woman in the Text, God might have said, I will make a woman, or a wife, but he rather chose this Periphrasis expressive of her Character, showing what she should be to her Husband. And this is the blessing that I wish to the Bride, who now appears here, that she may every way answer this Character: And to you Sir, who are now seeking a Title, or rather the Confirmation of your Title in such an one, that you may experience according to your desires and expectation, and may acknowledge God in his Love hath brought her to you. I shall Commend you further to his Blessing, when that Office is done you, for which you are now come hither.  
Tibi Domine.