EPIGRAMS.  
Served out in 52. several Dishes for every man to taste without surfeiting.  Modicum non nocet. 
By I. C. Gent.  
LONDON Printed by G. Eld, for W.C. and are to be sold at his Shop near unto Ludgate.   

To the judicious, Envious and foolish Reader.  
TO you al● but to thee judicious Reader, as most respected, I submit my twelve nights trifles, (for so I may truly call them) being then made instead of Christmas Carols; I know thou shalt find many errors in them, but I will not entreat thee to mend them, being too great a task for thee, and myself hat● forborn to do it. I publish them not to purchase fame, nor reward, for I protest I have been as careless in writing them, as any reader can be in reading them, therefore I would desire thee to think charitably. As for you envious Reader, I know your malice and ignorance is such, that were they the choicest flowers that grow upon the mount of Pernas●us you would spit your poison upon them, therefore I have prevented you and sent you nettles. But for my simple plain dealing Reader, I know if he could here but a bawdy jest he'd grin like his own picture, and swear he had a good wit that made it, (I would be loath he should be forsworn) yet I shall still hold him himself when he has spoke his best of me. But to my first Reader again, the Romans in their Epigrams did use the true names of those they writ of, and our Epigramitists do borrow their names of them, but I have used bastard names, such as my fancy was father of, not weighing whether they were proper to the nature of the epigram, as indeed there is no such necessity. So farewell.   

Epigrams.  

1.  
THere's an outlandish man now newly landed,  
With rare inventions, rich conceited tires:  
From Court unto the City he is bandied,  
To show his wares which suddenly inspires.  
The inconstant fancy of the foolish buyers,  
The price is great, therefore the wares the better,  
Half on't down paid, half on't remain his debtor  
And this superfluous waste expense in spending,  
Makes Courtiers ever borrowing, never lending.  
Yet Ladies best speed when thy spend most of all  
For spend they near so much their wastes still small.   

2  
THis stranger now is sent for to the City,  
Where he does show some relic of a fashion:  
A great ruff rare, a little one that's pretty,  
Another excellent with alteration.  
The City Damsels give more and pay better:  
That I conclude your cities wastes are greater.   

3  
PHilo is jealous a●d to his wife would prove,  
That in a little jealousy dwells much love:  
Which in her ear so often he did cry,  
That she at last began to edify.  
And said dear husband henceforth I will be:  
More jealous over you than you of me.  
Which he liked well and wished it would be so:  
And now with less mistrust from home doth go.  
The whilst some friend steps in then doth she fear,  
And still is jealous Philo thou art near.   

4.  
A Madbraine vicar in a desperate mood,  
Would sometimes swear to play at dice was good  
And he himself would venture many a crown,  
Amongst his best parishioners in the Town.  
The vicar lost, yet knew no reason why:  
Unless there were quicksilver in the Die.  
The Die was broke, quicksilver there was none,  
Yet was the vickars silver quickly gone.   

8  
WHat Gallant's this attired all in black,  
It is no Courtier sure, nor what do you lack,  
Some ordinary Gallant ten to one,  
That liveth idly here about the Town,  
What is it he, I know him 'tis a Gull,  
That's cony-catched by every scurvy trull,  
His father's lately dead and he is heir,  
Of large possessions and revenues fair,  
I have heard some say, great Lordships to him fall,  
Yet this I am sure his manners are but small.   

9  
ANother Gallant who was light of heel,  
Would take upon him for to run with any,  
For he had run round about fortune's wheel,  
And never yet was he out run by any,  
He ran, and ran, some twenty years together,  
And never looked behind him, till he met,  
A Sergeant at the shoulder, clad in leather,  
Then he perceived how he had run in debt,  
And now began to stay, yet he must on,  
E'en fair and softly unto prison.   

10.  
VArius the traveler who doth not know,  
That has been further than any map can show,  
O● ventious Drake, Haukins, or Forbisher;  
None ere received like grace of the Emperor,  
The Sophi● & he sworn brothers, 'twas his lot,  
To drink carouse in Soliman's own pot,  
Yet here he stayed not long, but still went on,  
To take acquaintance of great Prastor john,  
Where he was welcome and it was his chance,  
To kiss his empress, and with his daughter dance,  
His lies are monstrous great, and yet but young,  
Gargantua sure was father of his Tongue.   

11  
A Pretty Creature of the lightest fashion,  
Was early once invited to a marriage,  
Before the Cock had given l●st relation,  
Of the world's beauty burner on his carriage,  
Up she was got, and got unto her Trunk,  
Wherein complexions were that bettered natures,  
The very Daffa-downe-dilly of a Punk,  
Besides her Art puts down Venetian features,  
But now, either because of haste, or want of light,  
Painted her face all red and her lips white.   

12  
WHo ere will go unto the press may see,  
The hated Fathers of wild balladrie,  
One sings in his base note the River Thames,  
Shall sound the famous memory of noble king james  
Another says that he will to his death,  
Sing the renowned worthiness of sweet Elizabeth,  
So runs their verse in such disordered strain,  
And with them dare great majesty profane,  
Some dare do this, some other humbly craves,  
For help of spirits in their sleeping graves,  
As he that called to Shakespeare, johnson, green,  
To write of their dead noble Queen,  
But he that made the Ballads of oh hone,  
Did wondrous well to whet the buyer on,  
These fellows are the slanderers of the time,  
Make rhyming hateful through their bastard rhyme.  
But were I made a judge in poetry,  
They all should burn for their wild heresy.   

13.  
CLodio some for thy feather take thee for a horse  
All for an Ass if thou but once discourse.   

14  
WHen Gatra died great store of wealth was found  
In coffers, trunks, great chests, & leather bags,  
In cubberds, hampers, and vaults under ground,  
jewels wrapped up (in policy) with rags.  
Some say he got more than the beggar did,  
That was so rich and excellent at the trade,  
Others think devils 'mongst his Angels hid,  
Who up to the neck in Commonwealth did wade  
He was no Merchant cannoneer of the burse,  
Nor never pleading at the bar did brawl,  
Yet he found means to bombast out his purse,  
For many say he got the devil and all,  
Well say he did, it seems he let him go,  
But now the devil has him he'll not do so.   

An Epita.  
HEre lies the man who died in pain,  
Yet would have lived to have died again,   

Of Stone the jester.  
15  
Look at what time pomegranates do wax scant,  
At the same time Stone witty jests doth want,  
Then 'gainst Paul's pillars or some other post,  
He leans to find his chapman whole give most.  
〈◊〉 oftentimes and others muse at it,  
●o great a head should have so little wit,  
The miracles not so great the jest once known,  
Who is't would look for wit in any Stone.   

16  
I Gave Coxhead more title to his name,  
And called him Coxcomb for his greater fame,  
But he was angry, was he not a mome?  
Who ever saw Coxhead without a Comb.   

17  
CLogo is knighted, but he knows not by whom,  
Says 'twas by a fine man and in a fine room,  
Well far his wife yet, who is not such a baby,  
But knows what fool it was made her a Lady.   

18  
IF any man look but on Dabus' wife,  
He is strait a Cuckold he dares lay his life,  
But if one talk with her than it is so,  
Though all the soothsayers in the Town say no,  
But if you kiss her ay then he is up in blood,  
And swears she bears two faces under one hood.   

19  
ALl Sims valour consists in his Tongue,  
He swore full mouthed oaths,  
He'd pocket up no wrong,  
When we that were with him,  
Beleft him soon.  
For wrongfully he did pocket up,  
A guilt silver spoon.   

20  
Unconstant Fortune partial in thy gifts,  
Who puts poor gentle men unto their shifts,  
And crossest them, and them uncrosse again,  
For to be crossed you know is a hellish pain,  
But to be uncrost, why ti's ten times worse,  
To have more silver on the sword than purse.   

21  
WHy is base Nemius judged to be rich,  
Because he looks so grim and wears seal rings,  
Or cause he buys commodities of Fish,  
Of Cheese, of Butter and such other things,  
Or be't because he talks of Bonds and Bills,  
Of Leases, and of mortgaging of Land,  
Of Lordships, Manors, and of making wills,  
Of many paunes that lie upon his hand,  
Or is't because like a great Alderman,  
He wears a gown laced round, laid down with fur,  
Or miser like a pouch where never man,  
Can thrust his finger but this Island cur.  
All these are signs that he is not belied,  
And yet he has ten thousand marks beside.   

22  
MOunsir Montaingnis to the Tailor owes,  
Some forty shillings for his swaggering hose,  
Tailor for money came, Mounsir was ill,  
Can not endure to look upon his bill,  
The Tailor seeing that did him this grace,  
To leave his bill behind but brought a mace.   

23  
IF any man of monsters chance to talk,  
Or big boand Giants that this land did walk,  
Cacus steps forth and tells you of his Sire,  
And his long maypole legs which reached higher,  
Then strong imagination will give leave,  
Or probability of truth receive,  
'tis but to signify unto this age,  
His monstrous birth and high borne parentage,   

28.  
LAis all of deformity is compact,  
Splay-footed beetle-browed, crook't-backe,  
I asked her how it came she answers all,  
When she was young by an unhappy fall:  
But Lais, Lais, you might avoided well,  
The fall you had which made your belly swell.   

29  
Janus the rich fat usurer desired,  
To be a knight and yet was loath to give,  
The complete sum which of him was required,  
And once a year a feast while he did live.  
Ambition yet gave covetousness a blow,  
That struck two hundred pounds out of his purse,  
But of his knighthood such great charge doth grow  
That he reputes of what he did disburse,  
And wisely now his knighthood doth compare,  
To pickle herring or tough martlemas beife,  
(Which being eaten not for common fair)  
Though it be ready bought yet plays the thief,  
meaning as those salt meats do steal down drink  
So doth his knighthood steal away his chink.   

30  
A Fool saith Clinius every one would make him  
I think they have done't for so all men take him  
ti's marvel they will offer being so common a rule,  
For him himself, to make himself a fool.   

31  
LOrd what a colle there was to be a Lady,  
By mistress Wood been a gentlewoman,  
Wife to young Harry holdfast, Knight that may be,  
Nay will be, though his fathers but a yeoman  
Madness has ceased on his wives troubled brain,  
Because the present time she was no Lady,  
He seeks to comfort her and ease her pain,  
She does not like this shall be nor this may be,  
Shall Malkin milkmaid her high words exalt,  
In every place before me I abhor it,  
Whose fresh gentility was picked from malt,  
What reason law or conscience have you for it,  
Away he went in haste, home knighted came,  
And she was turned from a mad dame to madam.   

23  
FVrius a lover was, and had loving fits,  
He loved so madly that he lost his wits,  
Nay he lost nought yet grant I he was mad,  
How could he lose that which he never had.   

33  
WHen Musk & Civet two near kinsmen meet,  
Each other in the middle I'll of Paul's,  
Strait they encounter with embraces sweet,  
From head unto the foot each other falls,  
they'll dance a galliard out in complement,  
And chain each other to the bosom fast,  
Then say their prayers in curtsy and repent,  
The negligence that hath between them past,  
Then breathe a while, without a word make stay.  
Salute a fresh again and so away.   

34.  
A Curious Gallant chanced to have a sight,  
Of these slight Epigrams first infancy,  
Who Pedunt wise did tax them (not for spite)  
Of their lame harsh unmeasurd quantities,  
They halt not so to lie upon the parish,  
As much to say upon the Printers hand,  
The hole hath promised the lame to cherish,  
But now he finds two adjectives to stand,  
joined together that small fault or none,  
One adjective can never stand alone,   

An Epitath upon Singer.  
DEath was so bold his days to shorten,  
Who altogether lived by fortune.   

35  
SYlla hath many parts that blaze her fame,  
All do not know her that know her name,  
She Makes a Lute speak in his airy voice,  
Will force sad melancholies self rejoice,  
The Sirens tunes bewitching travailer,  
Themselves would be bewitched should they here her  
Dances without compare, paints best in Town,  
Yet for all this I know one puts her down.   

36  
A Worthy Lady of great eminence,  
Who holds all borrowed beauty in disdain,  
Out of whose wisdom shines her excellence,  
The Muses are attendant on her train,  
And they do her and she doth them sustain,  
Her acute judgement did vouchsafe to reed,  
An epigram which this Book doth contain,  
And paid in words what she will pay in deed,  
(For Ladies near make promises in vain)  
Were so much given for one is't not a fall,  
That for a Tester (Reader) thou hast all.   

Aenigma.  
THe Court hath got the City with Child,  
Which well hath cost their purse,  
The Country with it is be gild,  
With whom it is at nurse.   

THere is a thing which barks not, yet doth bite,  
Worse than the wildest beast A ()   

37  
PHrigio lay bedrid now lies in his grave,  
Looked like a spittleman and worse diseased,  
His wife fresh, lusty, stately, gallant, brave,  
Yet the same sickness was on her increased,  
Which she brocked well, and made not such a do,  
As you did Phrigio yet lay bedrid to.   

An Epita.  
HEre lies he known to his furred Cloak,  
Lived like the Salamander by fire and smoke.   

38  
MVn has a wife but knows not how to use her,  
And yet he knows too well how to abuse her.   

39  
FIcus was fat in body and in purse,  
And unto Sea is gone himself to purge,  
Some fifteen hundred marks he did disburse,  
To receive three for one, a tempting scourge,  
To whip my Gallant up the surging seas,  
And dance to Venice with a whistling wind,  
There to evacuate for stomaches ease,  
The homebred crudities his flesh did bind,  
Of him we have not heard unto this day,  
That I believe he's purged all away.   

40.  
Signior Tobacco that brave Cavalier,  
Came swaggering from the Tavern here & there  
From wall to kennel, from kennel to the wall,  
Was not land room enough for him to sail,  
At last he meets a Dray-man with his cart,  
And much good sport there was ere they did part,  
For about wine and bear they did discourse,  
Yet he knew not the Brewer from his horse.   

41  
A Country man who had some suit belike.  
(With a black box down pendant at his side)  
Walking from Westminster the stones did strike,  
With his nailed shoes that every step did slide,  
So came he making legs up Ludgate hill,  
And looked as if he'd eat what he had seen,  
At last he Ludgate spied and then stood still,  
Gaping upon the picture of the Queen,  
The prisoner 'gan his cry, than he for fear,  
Started and asked if there the Lions were.   

42  
SIslie reports Angels appear to her,  
And comforts her in all extremity,  
Nay and besides they do press near to her,  
Promising aid in great'st calamity,  
But this you must suppose they come in night,  
For Sislies Angels never came in sight.   

43  
SYlla can play on any instrument,  
Yet never doth she work her own content,  
The reason is so they that know her say,  
Because she gives her mind too much to play.   

44  
CAius thus compliments at dinner, sir will you sit  
By jesus Christ I will not eat a bit,  
Until you come, but strait doth call for bear,  
Then by your favour sir, please you be here,  
What wine do you drink to ask he'll never miss,  
But he'll be sure you shall drink none of his.   

45.  
A Wondrous thing, old Phiro goes a wooing,  
To show himself a Maid, longs to be doing.   

46  
Fantastic Pedants say these Poets are,  
The vainest fellows that live upon the earth,  
In Plato's Commonwealth they banished were,  
For there's no music in them nor no mirth,  
But what's the reason they thus Poets blame,  
Because their dearth of wit requires the same.   

Epita.  
HEre lies an Astronomer that studied by the rule  
Died because the Stars allotted him a fool.   

47  
I Talked with julia in good modest phrase,  
But she my meanings and my words dispraise,  
And in a coyness thus replies to me,  
I am not her you take me sir to be,  
Well julia, i'll believe what you have said,  
But i'll be sworne I took you for a maid.   

48  
CLinius misdoubts himself, says that all men,  
Do ride and play upon him now and then,  
Fie Clinius fie, never make such strife,  
Better they play on you then on your wife.   

49  
LVcius protesteth his love blinded sight,  
Sees in the dark best by his mistress light,  
Or his light mistress, and it well may be,  
For light Owls, do by Owl-light clearest see.   

50  
WHen Dick a letter to his rich uncle writ,  
He superscribed it to the R. worshipful,  
Now I knew what he meant and smiled at it,  
To think how he would gull the king's liege people  
He would have writ the word right out at large,  
But that he thought was not his uncles due,  
Yet I upon me took't for his discharge,  
To make it rich and that I am sure was true,  
judge where I wronged him now, or dided on spite  
When I am sure he would have had it right.   

51.  
FIcus hath lost his nose, but knows, not how,  
And that seems strange to every one that knows it,  
My thinks I see it written in his brow,  
How, wherefore, and the cause that he did lose it,  
To tell you true Ficus I this suppose,  
'twas some French Cannibal bit of your nose.   

52  
ANtonio Flora stabbed good reason why,  
He being a Soldier she gave him the lie,  
And yet the desperate wench would near refrain,  
To give it him till she was stabbed again.   

An epigram upon a Book entitled the three Sisters, to a new Strain.  

Strained he not hard (think you) that strained such sense,  
From the three Sisters in their difference,  
To deal with Widow, Wife, and Maid was pain,  
That it was marl'e he did not overstraine.   

REader I know not how I have pleased thy mind,  
With these rude Epigrams harsh unrefind,  
But if they be not dressed unto thy taste,  
Then blame the Cook for making too much haste,  
I'll never make promise to remain thy debtor,  
But if thou lik'st them not, would thou hadst better.    
FINIS.   

Per Ignotum. 
Latet anguis in herba.  
WHen perjured Exlex, with his lawyer's brags,  
Had me discarded of my golden bags,  
Feeding my mind with hope of victory,  
By right of law and justice equity,  
Next term to Westminster I post in haste,  
Where I was thrown & judgement 'gainst me past,  
All things went cross, I lost the fees and farm,  
Road home to Exlex, craved of him to learn  
The reason why: bending his angry brow,  
O sir quoth he the case is altered now.   

Nocumenta, Documenta.  
LVxurio now disdains lustful desire,  
For still you know the  child dreads the fire.   

In nasum.  
NAsus is rich, indeed I so suppose,  
Can he be poor that hath a ruby nose.   

Sic Iter ad astra.  
INdeed in sooth, away presitian,  
Swear bloody oaths, I that becomes a man:  
Indeed I see such oaths makes many a one,  
Come to the height of Buis promotion.   
FINIS.