The Wandering-Jew, Telling FORTVNES TO English-men,  
 a man read's another's palm while a third man looks on  
LONDON; Printed by John Raworth, for Nathaniel Butter. 1640.   

A Catalogue of such as come to know their Fortunes.  

1 A Courtier.  
2 A Drunkard.  
3 An Aldermans prodigal son.  
4 A Tobacco taker.  
5 A good Lawyer.  
6 An honest citizens too finicall wife.  
7 A apprentice.  
8 A Serving-man.  
9 An Extortioner.  
10 A Gluteon.  
11 A jealous man.  
12 A Lover, a fond fantastic one.  
13 A Witch.  
14 A Roaring boy.  
15 A voluntary bankrupt.  
16 A Sergeant of London.  
17 A thief.  
18 A Hang-man.  
19 tyburn.    

THE Wandering-Jew, To the Wandering-Christian.  
FOr a Jew to wander it is no wonder, because they are a scattered Nation: But a wandring Christian is a wonder indeed, for true Christians are, or ought to be fixed stars, errants Stellae shine but dimly in Europes firmament, the other brightly; To solid oaks then, that stand up and never stir, to Cedars whose heads knock at the roof of heaven, to the sacred trees on mount Libanon, whose branches reach to paradise, to Rocks and Quarries whose roots cannot be plucked up from their center, to Christians who are settled constant and resolute I writ not, nothing have I to do with them; but because I am called the wandring Jew, I walk up and down to find out wandring Christians, are there any such Christians? No sure,( why then I writ to no body.)  
To wander, properly signifies, That the party( so walking) has gone right, but then stays, as she pe do, leaping out of their fold; If it be so? then sure there be wandring Christians: but how many sorts of wandring Christians are there, almost as many as there are men: For go no further then this kingdom, all that are called men, are not Christians, and all that are called Christians, are not men.  
Wandring Christians there are then, yes: how many great men have in this land wandered from their Loyalty? yet their heads met it in the end sleeping on a block, how many brave Souldiers have wandered from the true noble Discipline military, in staining the glory of their victories with the barbarous effusion of too much blood, where mercy cried aloud to sheathe their swords; how many profound Schollers have been walking Candles,( not lighted) or if lighted, have put out their own flames and gone away stinking? how many deep Lawyers have left the paths of equity to wander in the way of Bribes? how many rich men at this hour wander in the crooked windings of Extortion? how many( born beggars) have by knavery, subtlety, baseness, false weights, false measures, dark lanterns( false lights) wandered into wealth? how many wisemen wander to the house of folly? how many husbands wander from their wives beds? how many wives from their husbands: and are not all these Christians? yes: wandring Christians. Art thou a Courtier? art thou a soldier? art thou a Merchant? art thou a Shop-keeper? art thou a good man? art thou a bad? read what is written in the jews face, and thou mayst prove a settled Christian, be what thou wilt: If thou desires to foresee what shall befall thee upon this book, if thou canst not find the full weight of thy fortune yet in one scale or other there lies a dram; there's a Iewes Lottery, and lots of several valuations: No blanks, all prizes; enjoy them, and the love of him who bids thee draw, and wishes thee a noble fortune.  
Thy wandring Friend, Gad Ben-arod, Ben Balaam, Ben-Ahimoth, Ben-Baal, Ben-Gog, Ben-Magog. Farewell.   

THE WANDRING IEW, TELLING FORTUNES to English-men, OR, A IEWES LOTTERY.  
BEing melancholy, and walking in a warm afternoon to Hogsdon alone, I fell into a by-path, which lead me into a solitary field, fit to the disposition of my mind. There I lay on a bank, and on a sudden, had mine eye-lids so long played upon with a golden slumber, that in the end it turned to a sound sleep, which so long enchanted me by his bewitching charms, that the Birds in pitty, to see me lie there, and fearing I might catch hurt by the could fingers of the night, if once they fastened upon me, the poor fingers, set out a throat, to wake me and sat up later than their hour, onely to watch me. I then awaked, and praised heaven, for putting more pitty into the breast of a gentle bide, than into man.  
So, darkness martching softly towards the City, I thrust myself into her company, and went along with her: when I came to the walks of Moorefields, I feared nothing, for I saw none, I heard none, met none, all was hushed as a still water, no wind stirring, no leaves bustling;( that half amazed) I almost forgot where I was, on in the dark, I went I knew not how, nor cared I whither: in the end, I got to More-gate, but that, and all the other passages were stopped, locked up, and none to open; for there was a tumult in London, upon which the gates were shut, and the Lord Maior, and sheriffs, with power gon abroad to keep the peace. From Moregate then I softly went up the field again, it was not early and it was not late, I heard no voices of man or woman, I saw no light, and thought with myself, that all that part of the world was drunk, they were so fast a sleep.  
In the end, I spied a small light burning in a great window, which shew'd like one glow-worm in a large garden: be the house( quoth I to myself) what it will, there will I knock; for albeit the gates be shut, Constables eyes are open: so I came to a faire porch, whose door within was but put to: in I went, and on I went,( it being as I after understood) one of those spacious bricke-houses, which shoot their smoke towards Bun-hill; when ther's any fire in the chimneis. What the silent walks were, I feared not, and who the dweller there I cared not: a pretty strippling presently comes out with a candle, and without any more compliment  told me, his master would do nothing to night, no more telling of Fortunes till morning, I catching hold of this, asked who was his master, he said the Wandring jew, where is he,( quoth I) within( quoth he): may I speak with him( quoth I) you may( quoth he;) does he dwell here( quoth I?) no, he but lies here,( quoth he,) it his kinsmans house, and he being in the country, rather then it should stand empty, gives him the use of it.  
At last, lighting me into a faire parlour, I followed where was a good fire, and an ancient Gentleman, in an odd Jewish habit, sitting at a table, where he had newly sup'd; he spying me sat still, and spoken not a word, at which I was abashed; yet plucking up a good heart: Sir( said I) by your strange outside, I know not what language you speak, but if you understand that which I speak( English,) I entreat so noble a favour at your hands, as to let me shelter myself in your house, till the moon pleases to shine, and bestow one of her Tapers upon me to light me to my lodging. He called for a chair, and made me sit down by him; and then( taking me by the hand,) son( said he) y'are welcome: I have traveled far, and speak many languages, yet am as you are, an Englishman,( you may hear by my tongue.) If I spake nothing at your coming in, wonder not, it is my fashion, as they( which know me) know. For why should I to one I never saw, move needless questions, which you may answer as you please, and deride me: say I ask you, where you have been, and why you walk so late, what need you tell me? you may speak any thing. To desire what you are, where you dwell, what's your quality, who your friends? this were superfluous& ridiculous.  
If you be my friend, to use you unkindly, were base: if my enemy, yet in such a night, to welcome you, is charity, if you are capable of my harmless meaning, you shall know more ere you part, Sir,( said I,) if I could not pay your kindness with loving words, you might count me a bad debtor, if I study not to require your courtesy, I were ungrateful,( and then a villain,) but sithence, it is not in my power to perform so much now, it shall argue a generous disposition in you, if for a short time you give me forbearance, till I be better able: for howsoever I seem rude, by this bold intrusion, yet have I been trained up where good manners grew, and learning flourished.  
I was once myself a lover of the Muses too,( said he) but had a roaming head when I was as you are, young, and would take no settled course, and that caused me to travel: but when the rod of youth had beaten me, and that age bid me hye home; I returned to mine own Country ( England) whose smoke to me, was more sweet, than all the perfumed fires, by which I warmed myself abroad.  
To this house have I retired, because it stands in a good air, hath the benefit of faire prospects, and is near the city, it is none of mine but my kinsmans, yet may I use it as freely as if it were mine own.  
And now son,( for so my age allows me privilege, to call you) I will take away the tediousness of night, by some discourse, of the passages of my own life. Every old man is his own Chronicler, and no story is readier in his memory then what he writes with his own hand.  
Know then, that in my first setting forth in progress through the world, much preferment met me, kissed me, and wood me, and fain would have had me, but I would none: choice of wives were set before me,( beauties able to tempt) yet me they could not: I saw others, that had faire wives, but the husbands looked worse than othermen: I had a fresh colour, they pale, I strong and lusty, they puling; weak and sickly, I jovial, buxom, and still merry, they sullen, melancholy, and ever sad. No wife( I swore for this) should come near me. I could have been rich, but all rich men, are not the happiest men; if I might live( said I) always, I would then build( as rich men do) and set my glory on the tops of Pinnacles, but when with my hand I could measure out the span of a poor transitory life, I accounted gold and silver, but as the misers Counters, to cast up his cares by; Honours I weighed, and found the balance false; when I thought they had been Dyamonds, they proved pebbles; when cups of Nectar, they turned to roming water. The embracing of the sweetest woman upon earth, but a Goddesses picture, a minutes pleasure, an age of perturbation.  
So that, fanning off these light feathers, I sit as you, by my own fire; if now I appear wretched, my grief is the less, because I was never better, if I am poor, no matter, it is sometimes a torment to be rich. As I have not too much, I have not too little, I am the sun to my own zodiac, or a ship in my own sea, and bear a sail according to my burden.  
But now I will open to you the book of a strange secrecy, here I live as obscure as I can, yet the needle-eye of this winking world has found me out, and for what think you? They take me for a rare fellow, a Conjurer, a Cunning-man, a sooth-sayer, a figure caster, a starre-catcher, a Fortune-teller, any body, nobody, and I know not who, neither can they tell what.  
Indeed( worthy Sir) I confess I have heard, that here about Moore-fields, such a wondrous man did live, that was as well acquainted with the moon, as her neighbours the stars are, but that this was the house, I protest I knew not, till by this good fortune, a happy darkness brought me to it. For Sir, you have such a winning way in you, that I desire( as you call me son) so I may call you father, and be adopted and endecred into your grave acquaintance.  
This night( replied he) you shall lodge here, to morrow morning, you shall see the term begin, my Clients will come in tumbling; not that I can do them any good,( for alas I have no such skill) yet talk with them I do, all comers I welcome; it is my sport to hear them tell their lamentable stories, and it adds to my experience, to see the vanities, follies, and fooleries of this age, in believing that man can cut out fortunes, for such idiots, and to thrust himself into the knowledge of his great master. Midnight rings her bell in mine ear, and bids us hasten to bed: my Boy shall conduct you to yours; good rest attend you: when you rise, you shall see strangers enough waiting here, to give you and me our breakefasts.  
The gray morning had no sooner opened her eyes, but I( with mine open) saluted her, and though I would have sworn I had been the first up in the house, yet when I came out of my chamber, I found my old-new-father, by a good fire, fitting in his chair, as soberly as Erra Pater: his beard was reverend, face comely, a Jewish gown gird to him, and a Jewish round cap on his head, bufkins on his legs, a small silver bell lying before him, to ring for his boy, mittens upon his hands.  
His courtesy( over night) made me bold with him in the morning, so that I prayed him, honour me so much, as to let me know the name, to which I was so infinitely beholden, and withall, why( being an English-man) he was called the Wandring jew, and a teller of Fortunes. Both your questions( quoth he) shall come home to you, answered.  
I have been a Traveller many yeares, and felt the heat of the sun in change of Countries: at my living in Venice, I came acquainted with an Italian Jew name Orletto, whom meeting often upon the Rialta, divers Venetians noting his face and mine, said we were so like, wee might very easily be taken for brothers; the Jew being  told this, sent for me to his house, entertained me with curious compliments, courtesy and cheer, making me ●ow( for the equal likeness we both carried,) to call him brother. Nay, he did so affect my company,( I speaking as good pure tuscan as he himself) and discoursing home with him, that he won me to sojourn with him;& in the end,( because I striven to please and humour him in all things, his noble courtesies, binding me to do so) he wrought me to go in a rich Jewish habit( such as you see I sit in) so that all Venice swore I was his brother, and I went( as he did,) by the name of Orlot to, which name I retain here still, albeit my own true name is E●remont.  
To your other demand, why I am called a Fortune-teller, a Cunning-wise-man, and I know not what; this addition of ridiculous Title came to me, by a merry accident, which fell out thus. A singing jovial cobbler, dwelled not far from a private lodging which I took; who bore such love to a rough-hayre Water-spaniell which he kept, he was never well, but when the dog was in his company. A mad fellow to have some sport with the Coblar, stolen the dog, and kept him close from him a seven-night: the cobbler was mad, and swore he did not care to give all the shoes in his shop, to have his dog again: why( says the other) I will undertake for a Capon and a pottle of wine, to bring you to a Jew hard by,( an excellent scholar, and seen in the Black-art, that shall help you to the cur. Tis agreed; the mad Grig then comes to me,( being full in my acquaintance,) and for mirth sake, wooes me when I brought the cobbler to him, to undertake the getting of his Dog, which was easy to do, he having him locked up in his own house, I yielded: he brings the cobbler, and after many entreaties( I telling the danger of the Law, if I dealt in such matters) at length, I promised him I would do my best. Asking him then, if he could read, he said, No: hereupon, taking down Gesners discourse of Beasts, with their pictures, I turned to that part which reveals the properties of all sorts of Dogges: shewed him the picture of one, Is this he? No; Is this he? No, no: I then( after he had seen many others) opened the leaf, where the picture of a shag-haire Water-spaniell was, which he no sooner saw, but rapping out a great oath, swore, that was the very sweet face of his dear Diver( for so he called his cur:) upon which opening his purse, he threw down all his money, and so he might but see his dog at home, bid me take what I would: I touched none, but bidding him high to his house,  told him his dog should be at home within half an hour, with great joy he parts, his friend gets home, powers a kettle of warm water on the dog, as if he sweated, cudgeled the cur soundly, and away runs he to the cobbler, leaping upon his master, and his master hugging him: And upon this was I so famed for my cunning, that there is not a morning in the week, but I am haunted with fools of all stamps, to know their fortunes, in which I have as much skill, as the cobblers Water-spaniell had; yet I make a shift to please myself, and not hurt them: I wonder I sit so long quiet; stay you by me,( if you can have patience) and behold what Actors enter upon this comical stage.  
By this time, one knoc'd, he whisled for his other half of the household, which was a pretty sprightly boy, which lighted me in, whom( the Master said he) brought from Wittenburgh in Germany, and was cousin to knavish Wagner( the boy that waited on Doctor Faustus:) This boy of his, for the witty conceits, and merry language in him, he call●● by an Italian name, ( joculo.) This joculo being as nimble, and ready to welcome the Fortune-fooles, as a boy in a bar, does Guests, and could unhappily guess at the conditions of the Parties by their habits and faces upon his Masters whistling; joculo had been at gate, and comes running in, saying.  


A Courtier comes to know his Fortune.  
SIr, there is arrived here, a very fine painted galley: a brave Clarissimo, whether he be a Christian or Heathen, man or woman, I know not, by his finicall beard 'tis a man, but by the t'one side of his head a woman: some squint-eyde Barber sure has polled him, for one lock is longer then the rest, by at least the quarter of a yard. His hat wears a feather, and his head a hat of a neat block; by his spruicenesse he should be a Spaniard, by his flashd doublet, high galloshes, and Italian purld band a French man, his tusks tickle his nose, an embrodred Belt glorifies his body, a gilded sword his belt, and to keep his feet from stinking, two Roses grow upon his shoes. Fetch him in, said Orlotto, he's fetched, and thus begins his scene.   

The Courtiers speech.  
NOble Sir, I am a Courtier, depending upon a great man: I feed high, and( you see) go brave; am blessed with the bright beams shot from the eyes of beauteous ladies, and sometimes graced with the honeycomb favours of honourable Lords. But for all this, I gaze at stars, but reatch none, gape for inditement, but none falls into my mouth. My Lord and Master is( in this Sea-Royall) my admiral, after him must I sail, and for ought he knows I may sink. These rich clothes cost me nothing, the Mercers uncrost book shall swear for me. What my Fortunes are I know; what they may be I come to know: Few Christians are to be trusted: store of Jews wee have in England; a few in Court, many i'th city, more in the country, These I scorn; but come to you, a knowing Jew, a Rabbin, a Synagogue of Learning. In short I have a rich London widow in chase,( hark in your ear) such a one; knighted I can be, and have no Herald pin himself to my sleeve for fees, and Knight-hood on a Citizens wives trencher, is a liquorish bit, many of their rotten Teeth water at it. Tell me therefore now( worthy Jew) whether it be my Fortune to have this golden old girl or no.   

The Courtiers Fortune.  
SIr,( said Orlotto) you Courtiers( I mean such as are true ones, are the dials of the kingdom, by whose motion, the sovereign understands how all the houres of state-affairs go: your glorious trains are that Galaxia, leading to fellows celestial Palaces, and your eyes the stars glittering all along that milky-way. The Court is a blessed Garden, and you the Birds of Paradise singing in it. A Courtier is,( or should be) a whole man, a perfect Globe, a cunning Pilot, by his own compass able, to direct his Country and King, the Art of royal Navigation: you then being born under such faire Planets, 'twere pitty any foul fortune should cross you. Thus then for your rich widow: you are in debt, she owes nothing; she old, you young; not for love, but lucre would you mary her: her wealth shall maintain your Court-mistresse,( for without one you are not) her old bones for a month, or two, you will rattle in a gilded caroche( bought with her own gold) an then let the Coach and her lie and rot; what follows? you will ruffle abroad in silks, shee mourn at home in sackcloth: In taverns you will roar, at home her children cry; she will curse you, you not care for her; her bags will be empty bladders, and the bladder of your vain glory filled onely with wind: your fortune( if you have her) is in the end to be a beggar, if you have her not, to live in debt, and yet die worth a trunk full of gorgeous apparel, which afterwards( if your ghost could walk) you might see worn on a stage by Players.  
The Courtier looking read with anger, flung away, with this onely in his mouth, y'are a Jew: lo;( said Orlotto) you see my manner of telling fortunes, for I scarce so tickle any one of these Trowtes amongst twenty, as to make him turn up his belly, and lie still.    


A Drunkard comes reeling to know his fortune.  
BY this time another rap't at gate, whom joculo having let in, he came roaming thus to his Master: O Sir! I'm glad I have no beard, it had been sindg'd off by this: there's a fellow come in with a Fire-drake in his nose, an ignis fatuus in's face, two flaming ovens in's his eyes, his cheeks dirty, hands filthy, body nasty, breath stinking, teeth beastly; some diseased horse, he has the staggers, no man I am sure, for he has wallowed in mire like a hog, is he not an alchemist? his cloak is all tottered, and his breeches if he takes wide strides, will untruss of themselves: nor hat-band, nor girdle, they lie in pawn for two cans. See Sir, the drunken Hogs-head has rolled himself hither.   

The Drunkards speech.  
HOw now Master Jew; I come to give thee two pots and a pipe, to tell me my Fortune. Thy Fortune( quoth Orlotto,) It comes stumbling along with thee: before thou knowest thy fortune, know thyself: Thy kingdom is an Ale-house, thy sceptre, a can, thy subjects Tapsters, thy language you Rogues, no attendance on a Gentleman, albeit but a Tincker; then glasses kiss the walls, black pots the ground, your hostess must be slaver'd, and any dirty sow catched at, that wears but a crosse-cloath: thou carest for no dear yeares, and drinkest away plenteous-ones. Thou art a Hops sod in beer, a rotten Grape crushed in wine, a Rat drowned in Ale, a beasts filthy entrails sows'd in drink: and what is drunkenness? a mad Megrimme, a puddle of sin, a sink of shane, the ruin of the senses, plague of the body, perdition of the soul, abhorred of God, loathed of Angels, derided of men, hugged onely by Devils. Here's your filthy picture, now I draw your Fortune: a good-one sweet swines-flesh Jew, and then t'other half dozen, score right Rascals, hick-upd the drunkard.   

The Drunkards Fortune.  
THou shalt chalk up so many Oes, that thy hostess shall scratch thee for her money, and the tapster kick thee out of doors, thy wife( if thou hast any) wish thee in thy grave, thy children laugh when th'art a dying: sober men will shun thee, friends fly thee, women whoope at thee, boyes laugh at thee. Thy body diseased, thy mouth full of oaths, thy purse empty, thy clothes tottered, and in the end lie, and die in some ditch, under a stall, or in a jail. Mend, and meet better fortune: go on, and this follows thee.— Farewell and be hanged Jew, cried the Drunkard, so they partend.    


An Aldermans son left rich, comes to know his Fortune.  
THen came in a youth bownfing with authority: look out said Orlotto, who ist? O Sir,( quoth joculo) a man made out of wax, a City-sparke, a Bonfire, a Muske-cat smells not sweeter, a Barber is not trimmer, a Chamber-maid is not smother, a painted whore not better coloured. An Aldermans son, as his man whispers to me. Bring him in: he comes.   

The Aldermans sons speech.  
SAve thee( Noble Jew,) I am a Cockney born, a chil'd of Troy-novant, the son of a scarlet man,( a Senator,) I am( as all of us) born poor, but left rich, Wenches I'revell with, Vintners I advance, Taylors I make Gentlemen, Sempsters are my wayting-women, bawds I kick, Punkes I tumble, I can handle a Rapier, toss full glasses, spin out nights in suppers, and dance away whole dayes with fiddlers: ducks and Drakes make I with shillings, honest wives, drabbes, with pounds, I want nothing, have all things, and yet( but yesterday) an old trot, a Beldame, a Witch looking in my hand,  told me I had too large a Table, to keep it still furnished with meate; and that for all my full bags, I should die a beggar. Being vexed at this lean Lamia, hollow-eyde Canidia, and splay-footed Irish Calliogh: I come( Jew) to thee, to have thee to ride among the Planets, inquire of them what star was my midwife, and then tell me my Fortune.   

The Aldermans prodigal sons Fortune.  
TO whom, Orlotto, thus;  
Sir, you are rich, but deep wells by continual bucketting the water out, are in the end drawn dry: Troy was once on fire, yet long since burnt out; you are faire, and handsome, but imtemperate riots will leave you ugly: you are witty, wenches and wine will make you a fool; you are young, late watchings in Taverns, will wrinkle that face, and dry up that blood: Had the Alderman your father done as you do, you had done nothing, you had been nothing: Now you are followed, then you might have served; what are you in your spendings? but a great Taper to give other light, rather a tallow candle, which being wasted goes out in a filthy snuff: Lavish spending, has a slavish ending; when women have worn away your body, and wantonness wormed you out of wealth, then go to your Gossips,( which now hang like jewels about your neck,) shake but an empty pocket, what then? the whore will not know you, the Vintner not trust you, the tailor no more take measure of you, the Mercer goes in with a Spanish shrugge: Torn fortunes wheel round in your own hand, Lords will play at dice with you, Knights will call you Tom, and J●cke, and dick, Fether'd gallants haunt you, Parasites flatter you, Brokers borrow for you, usurers lend you, Citizens cap you, Brave dames kiss gowns out of you: But, let Fortune snatch her wheel from you, a poor Ale-house is your inn, an old frieze Jerkin in Summer your Sonday-suit, and a plymouth cloak your Caster. Here then is your Fortune, if you hold on as you begin, your full feeding will make you lean, Drinking too many healths; wash away you own health, your too oft leaping the pale, causes you look pale, too close following the fashion, brings you out of all fashion, and a careless life, draws on a miserable death; you have yet, gold enough left, husband that, you have wit, employ that: from handfuls of corne-seeds come cartload of corn; A little well ordered, begets much, and much scraped abroad( as Hens do chaff with their heels) comes to nothing. If you mock my good will, you may repent when you lye like a Nut-megge in a grace, or else ride Westward, at the Sheriffs charges, on Doctor Stories wooden horse of Troy, which has swallowed many a gallant into his belly. Our young Cockney laughed; shook his head, muffled his face in his scarlet cloak, and so without so much as mum, sneaked away.    


A Tobacconist, Or, A Gallant smelling strong of Tobacco.  
THe hammer at the gate, beating loud in our ears again; joculo, comes in, Crying Foh, I am almost strangled with a Damp: why said Orlotto, what Customer comes next? one I think( says the Boy,) to give you a fit of mirth, for his pockets are full of pipes; at the very gates he drew out a Tinder-box, and bounce went his nose like a Potgun; his throat sure is on fire, the smoke flies so fast from his mouth, bless his beard with a basin of water, least he burn it: some little devil, in mans likeness, for he spits fire, pants and looks pale, and so spawles, and drivells, he has almost made a puddle where he stands, see sir, here he comes, having put up his pipes.  
I come to thee Jew( quoth the Tobacconist) to know whether the Doctor of the town lye or no, for they all say, my lungs are wasted with excessive drinking Tobacco, and I cannot live, but I feel no such matter; That sacred Indian-weed, is restorative to me, Tobacco is my heaven on earth, Tobacco is my breakfast, my banquet, my blessing, the scent of it so ravishes me, would I had taken Tobacco in my mothers belly; Tobacco is to me an honor, for some Noble-mens attorneys vent not out so much smoke, as I do at my nostrils, yet my wife curses the Inventor, rails at him, at me, and the poor innocent herb; so my son swears he had rather thrust his head into a Jakes, than peep into my chamber, yet this divine Moly, is meate and drink to me, what need I New-castle-coals having this fuel to heat me? Hang sack, this is my canary; this Black-a-More I love, above the beauty of a Cheapside darling: In one of these pipes is my mornings draft, in another my apple and carrawaies after dinner, in a third, my after-noons nuntions, and at my going to bed, this is my posset: To bind this to me, I will lose my hat-band; and does this then shorten my life, say Jew, am I a dead man or no? Cast the dice, and let me see what chance Fortune has allotted me.   

The Tobacconists Fortune.  
GAllant( quoth Orlotto) or what so ere you are, albeit you cry up Tobacco to be the sovereign of herbs, I would have you know, what I know, that it is rather a bewitching poison: Tobacco, is the idle-mans devil, the drunkards saint, the devil● perfumer, the sober mans madness, hell● chopping herbs, infernal minc'd-meat, that scurvey-grasse which the Fiends late buttered with brim ton; them that take Tobacco, will endure hellfire, for that stinks like the fire of hell here already.  
Some, by selling it grow rich, and but a few; other poor Sneaks are blown up with the artillery of their earthen Muskets, for sometimes their rowls rot, and puddings drop in pieces: Indians set it, Spaniards sand it, and many Bankrupts here sell it, who commonly live so poorly, they are not able to reach to the price of a sign, but as if some Jack-anapes belonged to the house, have two hoops a cross hang out at doors; which now is grown as infamous, as a hors-shoo at the door of a Bawdy-house: And when the miserable smoke-sellers die, how are they butted? in sheets as dirty as moldy Tobacco leaves, and no strewing herbs, but the stalks.  
O( quoth the Tobacconist,) but what is this selling of Tobacco to my drinking it? 'tis to me my ale, my beer, my wine, my hot waters: a Tobacco pipe is my spit, the bowl, my oven, the herb in it is my boyl'd-meat, my baked meat, my roast meat.  
To you( monstrous takers of it) then( said th'other) thus; You cry, give me Tobacco and a fig for Physitians: say it be physic, is physic good at all times, at all seasons, is one kind of physic good for all bodies, all constitutions, all diseases? I will not deny but Conceit may work wonders; onely Conceit, if you be fat, will make you lean, if lean, fat, if dull, quicke-witted, if forgetful, oh, it kindles the could brains, nay some of you will swear it cures all diseases: the Pox it doth assoon. But sithence, the smoke of Tobacco drives you hither to know your Fortune, thus in smoke it flies to you.  
If you leave not sacrificing your nose to this Indian-idol, when you would pull it out of the fire( as St. Dunston did the devil with a pair of Pincers) you shall not, you shall die piping, yet hear no music; have too much vapour, yet want breath, and that so stinking, a reeking dung-hill, is a Druggists shop to it: mary foh, quoth the Tobacconist, and vanished.    


A good Lawyer.  
THe Tobacconist being gone without any loud beating at the gates, joculo came roaring to his Master, and  told him there was entred a comely grave old Gentleman, were he bald, I should take him for Time; It's a Westminster-man sure, for he's gowned, and as I gather, a Lawyer, by a man following him with a Buckram bag at his side, see sir, he's come.  
The Lawyer being in sight of Orlotto, and each of them looking wishly( as amazed) one upon another, the English Jew( as abashed) suddenly starting up, ran to embrace him, who lifting up his hands,( being struck with admiration,) My old friend Mr. Egremont( quoth he) and are you the wandring Jew, you the rare cunning-man, you the Fortune-teller? I heard of a superlative famous fellow, so cried up, that all who before you have lead the World into a fools paradise, were but Agrippae's shadows dancing in a circled, to the substance which the wandring Jew walks in: and hearing of such a prise, you know it is my fashion to come and see it, not that I desire to be  told my Fortune, or that I believe any Jew, Gipsen, Witch, necromancer, or Star-gazer, is so familiar with the secret counting house of heaven. The locks and wards of Fate, are not so easy to be opened: silly women, and unexperienced people,( out of the madness of custom,) do, or may happily resort to you and others, about strayed cattle, or lost goods; but I know how high your crosse-staff reaches, and that all is but juggling, falsity, and imposturisme.  
Worthy Sir,( said Orletto) all this I know too, and neither am skilled, nor profess I any of these cunny-catching sciences;( Sciences! let me not abuse so excellent a name) they are mere gulleries: onely, here I sit, and if any comes to me( as this young Gentleman can testify) I make myself merry by discoursing with them, but few are pleased yet, with any Fortune, which I have red to them.  
No! I pray let me understand your mysterious handling of your Clients, Patients, or Customers,( I know not how you term them) and in the same Dialect, that you Lecture out Fortunes to others, let me have mine.  
You shall Sir,( replied old Egremont) those on whom I work, I either know their dispositions by conference with them, or else( good souls) they are so open-hearted to me, that they anatomize themselves in their own characters, and is not this an easy way then, to throw away a true fortune upon them? As, a fellow comes to me, and tells me, he's a thief, and would know his fortune; Can I tell him any other fortune, but to be hanged, if he leaves not his trade? A common baggage tells me how she lives by the use of her body, can I tell her any other, than to die in an hospital? But( noble Sir,) to make you merry, I will tell you yours: I know you be a learned Lawyer, and that which is better, an honest man, so that the kingdom gives you the style of a good Lawyer,( that is to say, a good man,) Law is your study, but your pleadings are to get honour, in the Star-chamber of heaven.  
Justice dares hardly trust some Lawyers; but into your hands, shee thrust her scales, because with a steady hand you weigh rich and poor in an even balance: Were all Lawyers of your mind, It would be a continual vacation; the four terms might sleep among the tombs, and Westminster live without noise; for you more delight in ending of Brabbles, than taking Fees to continue them, s●es any client in Forma pauperis, you are his law-almner. Those walks in Westminster Hall, which led up to the Chancery, Kings-Bench, and Common-pleas, and are every day paved with angels, you tread not on: One Angel of Heaven is more welcome to you.  
Your beard you suffer to grow long, because it being white, should still put you in mind to do nothing unworthily, such a reverend ornament. Oft have I heard you say, that when you saw but a cloth laid on a table it put you in mind of a coarse; and when you fed, O( quoth you) thus do I fatten myself for worms, that so they may feed upon me. When men have praised the comeliness of your age, and wished to have yeeres multiplied, you have smiled and thanked them, but said you desired no such honourable burden, and why? Life( quoth you, is a Sea; yeers the Leagues we row out; our breath, the winds; and sins, rocks; our bodies, the ships; our souls, the sails; miseries, our fraught; our voy) age to both Indies( East, or West,) Heaven, or hell, where we rise, or set; and but one Haven to both,( Death) at that haven desire I to last anchor, for the Country I seek, is the heavenly jerusalem. This knowledge I have of you.   

The good Lawyers Fortune.  
ANd now hear your Fortune. All your life-time, your Law-cases, Demurs, Pleadings, and ploddings have made you grow up to a three, bearing this admirable fruit, A good Lawyer: And when you are dead, This onely short Epitaph shall crown your Tombe-stone: Here lies a wonder, loved of God and Man. A good Lawyer.    


An honest Citizens, too finicall Wife, comes to know her Fortune.  
ANother knocks says the good Christian-Jew, look out boy, O says joculo, 'tis a sweet woman, do you not smell her? a rolling eye, fine hair( if it be her own) high fore-head, rare face,( if it be not painted) white neck,( if it be not plastered) strait back,( if it be not bolstered) slender wast,( if not too much pinned in) pretty foot, dainty leg, and I think, a Citizens wife, for a little apprentice mans this little Pinnace.   

The description of this Woman.  
LEt her howse a while( says his Mr.) I know her; once has she been here before, and I cannot be rid of her; yet I will bring you acquainted with her qualities, and these they are; she came naked into the City, and shall so return, unless shee do pennance in a white sheet, pinned round about her. Her husband married her for pure love, and had nought with her, and nought is like to have; yet she will flaunt with the finest, and gad abroad with the giddiest, looking for more attendance than a countess, and more observance than a duchess: shee stomacks any bravery in others, and cares not how great her own be, nor how she comes by it: yet she is not common,( that's her Glory) but loves only one besides her husband,( and that's her scandal.)  
No fashion can peep out, but she has it; no sight to bee seen, but she must view it; not a gew-gavv heard of, but she longs for it: she will buy nothing that is cheap, wears nothing that is course, eats nothing but what is costly: her honest husband is her Hobby-horse at home, and her fool abroad; amongst her Crew, the wanton girls jeer him; and her he companions point at him with forked fingers, such a life leads he with this white devil, he were better be in his grave: by day he dares not meet her, shee's so man'd with her brave Boyes; by night, he fears to lye with her, shee's a Noli me tangere; with meat he cannot please her( shee's so dainty) in clothes he cannot keep her,( shee's so costly) with words he cannot fit he,( shee's so captious) and no way can content her,( shee's so wanton:) If he councils her to turn over a new leaf; mew( cries she) you preach false doctrine: if he jeer at her apish folly, O says she, you are all wit, or wit-all: keep her short of money, she swears she will have it, though she hang for it; strike her, she stabs; kiss her, she spits; lock her up, she cries out murder; and the next time she goes abroad, a Catch-poll salutes her husband for some false debt, so he lies by it: and she plays his wanton, wicked, sweet, wel-favour'd filthy wife. Now joculo call her in.   

The wanton wives speech.  
WOrthy sir, I have been here with you before, you counseled me then; but the hony you gave me, turned to gull in my stomach. The more I strive to love my husband, the more his deboish'd courses begets my hate; I have cast mine eye on a second, and that second is now my first: I know such love is unlawful, yet I cannot with-stand destiny; I am marked to be his, he to be mine: I beseech you therefore tell me, and put me in some comfort; shall I bury my husband or no, and then will it bee my fortune that this other sweet man, take me to be his Wife.   

The wanton Wifes Fortune.  
THe honest Jew looking with fixed eyes upon her, said thus, were your mind as faire as your body, you were a Diamond for a Kings wearing: but the foulness of the one, utterly eclipseth the brightness of the other.  
I must condemn, and contemn you; you were sworn in the Church to a husband, and you in a Tavern swear yourself to an Adulterer: you consume your husbands goods to feed a villain; you were honest, and make yourself otherwise. But take heed, there is an eye sees you when you kiss false lips; an ear hears you, when you plot your close meetings; a hand from Above, to apprehended you in your lust; and a devil below, which shall lend you fire to nourish it; such a pleasure has an enticing face, but a Furies body, a sugared bit, but being swallowed, rank poison. Look into my garden, if I would suffer my neighbors to cover it with garbadge, no dunghill would stink worse; so, you are sound, and lovely now; but when your hot lust throws ulcers, Blanches, and the French Itch all over your body; then you will wish yourself turned into a toad.  
Would you know your Fortune! there it is; If you loose your good name, you will never recover it: play false in your youth, and in age, none respect you: your husband( by your baseness) is now counted a cuckolded; and your children for ever shall bee called Bastards. Say your husband dyes, no one will mary you but this your sweet-heart, and then he will not trust you, but revile you, curb you, abhor you, and keep you as a slave: lament your folly now, and it shall save you a labour then: begin a new life, abandon lewd company, else your dayes will be wretched, and your death miserable. She put finger in the eye, and away she went.    


A young apprentice comes to know his Fortune.  
WHo is that knocks so maidenly, said Orlotto? O sir( quoth the Boy) 'tis such a sprig as I am; a pretty, handsome, well-fac'd stripling; neat in clothes, spruce in shoes, garters, and stockings; and by his habit seems to be some good mans apprentice, some good mans! O! that's some Rich mans; for he that is Rich in this Age, is Good, and none are Bad but the poor; and is't a apprentice sayest thou! This city is bound by her privileges and Charter to make much of such Plants: had she no Prentices, she would in a short time have no Freemen. To be a apprentice, is to be bound, but not to be a Bond-man, yet he is a Bond-man for so many yeeres; but it is a noble Bondage, a Bondage with liberty: if the Mr. holds one end of the staff, the apprentice fastens on the other. The apprentice is bound to serve his Master; and in the same Indentures the Master is tied to serve his apprentice with apparel, victuals, lodging, and all things necessary, and to teach him what himself( in his Art) knows. A apprentice is a City-kernell, his Master, the shell: and some of them are very hard to crack; some break themselves: All your rich shop keepers that make such goodly banks of flowers, were at first set of such slips.  
In the music of City Government, a apprentice for a while practices onely the Gamoth on his fingers; but when he comes out of his yeers, is free, and wears a livery gown, he then bears a voice in the Common-wealths Consort.  
London had never seen the face of a Lord mayor, a sheriff, an Alderman, a deputy, a Church-warden, a Constable; but that they were all drawn by the picture of a apprentice: a apprentice comes to bee all these; and all these had never come to what they are, but by having been a apprentice. A apprentice then being so brave a Spark, let us see what fire this will kindle when he appears.   

The Prentices speech.  
NO sooner had joculo fetched him in, but thus the sprightly youth began.  
Sir, I am bold to knock at your Gate, to seek a little knowledge here, but I beg your pardon; I am the son of a Gentleman, though( as some tell me) I forfeit my Gentillitie by being lead into a kind of voluntary servitude of being a apprentice. This grieves me not a little, to loose the Honor I brought into the World, onely to climb( if I can) to wealth, within a city; I am free in my mind howsoever, and in that I am a gentleman still.  
My Father having many sons, and I a younger Brother; I gladly to ease him of a charge, entred into this care of a Servant, of a apprentice, of a Bond-man: some servile offices I do, and do them willingly; others I must do and will do them as bravely. My Master is not hard to please, and my Mistris easy; so that if I content both, I content myself: And 7. yeeres will quickly run out at the small hole of a Three-penie hour-glass. But( renowned Jew) I desire to learn of you my highest Fortune, being but a apprentice, I shall in time ascend unto.   

The Prentices Fortune.  
YOu shall know( said Orlotto.)  
All men in their Cradles have their Fortunes( good, bad, or indiffrent) pinned on their very Mantles: You have lighted upon no ill-one in being a apprentice, for you are now a student, and must read over the Law of Lex Talionis,( like for like:) look how you measure your masters goods out to others, your servants, with such fingers, shall deliver out yours.  
Does riot present you a horse to ride upon, being a apprentice? your apprentice shall take a horse( a Jade) out of the same stable, and ride, to his own ruin, and( if he can) yours. You are in a City, not at Court; and 'tis your Place to follow Industry, not bravery: which doing this willbe your fortune.  
You shall in a short time get freedom; and then your Priminiere is recovered,( your gentility, your own again. In a few yeers after, by good husbandry, you may arrive at riches, and riches in the end bring you to honor: if you disdain not to wear a Prentices Cap, you may live to see the Cap of Maintenance, worn before you as the Cities Praetor. Put on those clothes of a servant cheerfully, which your Master shall bestow upon you, and this City which is now your Nurse, shall at length, be your Mother, and put you into Robes of Scarlet. How many of our London Senator's, have been called from the council Chamber in the Guild-hall, to sit at the council Tables of their sovereigns? And why may not the beams of such glory shine upon you? you are now but a small printed book, let this your youth, and mens estate when it comes, writ none but commendable Stories, And your old Age shall bring forth a most excellent volume. He ended, the young man, with blushes in his cheeks, and good language in his mouth, with humble thankes departed.    


A Serving-man comes to know his Fortune.  
TO the gate( boy) cried Orlotto, another knocks, look who 'tis: O Sir( said he) a most Courteous creature; how he stands, and looks upon himself; his comb is out, and Beard-brush: nay you have an excellent leg! O fine calf! So, stroke up your fortop in any case: pish! your band hangs right enough; what! yet more Crevises in your Stockings! fie upon it, fie, now out upon it fie! How complemental he kisseth his hand, as if he were in love with it. He carries a Blew coat on his back S. and is feathered like a country fore-horse.  
Let him wait while, 'tis his office( as being a Serving-man.) A Serving-man is the shadow, his Mr. the Sun-dyall: as the tail of a horse, stirs after the body, so moves this creature; This fellow is no drunkard, perhaps, yet not his own man; He is commonly a pretty boy, then a handsome stripling, and now( I warrant) a proper man: peevish in his child-hood, proud in his youth, prodigal in his best yeers He spends his portion in hope of preferment, prunes and tricks up himself in hope of a rich marriage; the best dish he feeds on,( tho he fills his belly with other good meats) is hope. His greatest happiness is to Court the Chamber-maides, to whom he sings; or, to man the wayting-gentlewoman into the fields, and then he still turns back and laughs, to show he's in grace; or else, to make other gentlemens followers drunk: whom his Master favours, he fawnes upon; whom his Mistris frownes on, he frumpes: He would soon prove a joiner, he makes legs; only his sleeve is a gentleman, and bears arms: He is in no one obligation, yet bound to run at calls, rise at all houres, and ride in all weathers. What his Master leaves, he eats; what he casts off, he wears,( if he can get it;) so that he is the Ante-ambulo of a Gentlewoman, the consequent of Gentleman, the Ante-cedent of a Cloke-bagge. A Serving-man, Call him in.   

The Serving-mans speech.  
HE entred, as brisk as a tailor at his own wedding, and said, sir, what my Fortune has been, and is, I know; and what shall be, I come to know of you: what I am, my Livery shows; what in time I may be, I would have your learning show. I live among Ladies, see beauties every day; wait on a Knight, eat good meat every meal; and meet with brave rags( my Knights tailor cuts out for me) as he does for him: his Caroch is sometimes mine, his Taverne-drinkings mine, his plays at Black-friers, or Cock-pit mine: whatsoever is his at first hand, is mine at second:( his wenches now and then before him) yet what of all this; this is no Sea to maintain me for ever in fishing: Service is but a glowing fire, it heats, but not through; I beseech you therefore tell me when I shall sit by a bounce royal fire of mine own Fortune, not to go out from Winters end, to Winters end. And I am your Servant, durant vita.   

The Serving-mans Fortune.  
WHy then, says Orlotto, because I know you are full of Agitation, like the wheel of a perpetual motion, here is your Fortune in a few words.  
It is no shane to Serve; for One serves all us: Would you rise higher then you are? drinking stiffly, or domineering proudly cannot do't. Are you in a good Service? keep it; least when you would have such another, you go without it; would you thrive? catch Time by the shoulder, for if you let him pass by, he comes no more at your call: for Time, though he bee an old man, is an excellent footman; no Shockatory comes near him if he once get the start, he's gone, and you gone too. If you gather no ears of Corn in the Summer of your youth, in the Winter of Age, you shall eat no bread; but either leap at a crust, and beg or starve: and then if poverty and Age walk together, every foot-boy shall look over the shoulder at you; and every Scullion in your Ladies kitchen jeer you; scorned as an old Woman that was wanton in her youth: Then all your fine fegawes will be ripp d up, and all your follies laid in your dish: have you at any time done wrong? now it will bee revenged in your want and weakness: When an old Lion had never a tooth in's head, then the ass bit him. Are you in a good place? strive to deserve it: what you get, keep; what you spend, make use of: Are you trusted? deceive not such a Master: By this small harvest, you may gather golden sheaffes enough to fill your little barn; So fare you well. The Serving man offered him half his quarters wages, but he would none, and away out at gate he went.    


An Extortioner parts with so much breath and Time, as to demand his Fortune.  
MOre crowding( quoth Orletto,) wee shall bee crowded to death: look out Boy, at the top-Mast, and see what ships come sailing. O Sir( said joculo, some Gally-asse richly rigged, and I warrant richly laden; 'tis a Man by his face, a Monster by his clothes, for he's in a gown clean through Fox'd, yet is he sober; the hair of his head short as his eyebrows, and yet an ill favoured beard, as if he durst not trust a Barber with his Throat; he drinks Whey sure, he looks so pale; and his Jackett is faced with a scurvy latin word called Fur; a small ruff, set with a Tobacco-pipe; Gloves under his Girdle like an Usurer, and Rings on his fingers like a Juggler: He thumps again, hes in hast, and here he comes tumbling.   

The Extortioners speech.  
jew Jew, honest Sir! Thou art a cunning-man; I am a man out of my wits, for if I stay long, I am undone: Not to lye to thee, Gold is my god, Silver my Saint, Bonds are my deate books; an Obligation! better then fat Venison; Scriveners are my Cookes; couzening-Brokers my Boyling-men; and Sergeants my Turne-Spits that roast Rogues in prison, till they pay me my sweet Moneys, hony, hony-Moneys: I am a Lion if I paw an heir; a bear if I fang a Citizen; I am a money-monger of forty in the hundred: Now thou knowest what I am,( Jew) tell me what I shall bee; my Fortune, my Forune, Come shall I live long? does not my Wife pick my Counting-house? plot not thieves how to rob me? and then I hang myself; say, say Jew, I'm a Jew too) dispatch me.   

The Extortioners Fortune.  
THat I will( said Orlotto) to the devil, for he must have thee, unless mercy save thee: thou art in hast, and heers thy hasty Fortune; Thou shalt enjoy much, yet embrace nothing; ever have, and ever want: thou art Master to thy Money, and a slave to thy Muck; thou shalt live in terror, mistrust thy Wife for stealing from thee; curse thy children if they peep but in at the key-hole where thy Mamon lies. And for this cause thy Wife shall wish thee hanged, thy children laugh when they go in mourning; and being dead, a thousand peals of dire execrations throw thee into thy grave, upon which, poor men whom thou hast racked in prizes, shal dance for joy; and tottered beggars,( whom thou calledst thy dogges) piss there on thy face in scorn; Out, out, Cur-Jew cried the midas, and so hobled home, as fast as his legs could trot under him.    


The Glutton comes to know his Fortune.  
WEe shall never be quiet( said Orlotto) another beats, look out joculo, what customer now, who is it?  
O Sir,( cried the Garsoon, an Elephant; no, 'tis a man rolled hither in a Dry-fat, how he tumbles; some Whale sure gotten to land, no; 'tis a Manning-tree ox with a pudding in his belly: I'm afraid 'tis the graecian horse, for in he cannot come, unless you break down your gates; so, so, he's entred with much ado, like a Gentlewoman with a huge bum; now he squats down, how he blows, for he is broken winded. But sir, sir, now I take a full view of him, I know the beast; and have seen him wallow in the streets: describe the monster as thou paintest him out said his Master; yes sir,( quoth the superadd) and this it is;   

A Character of the Glutton.  
he's a great man, yet a Constable carries more authority: let his consort be never so merry, he is ever heavy; no herald can give a Lord greater and fairer arms; he is no Three-penie ordinary dinner: when Wood( the huge eater in Kent, has devoured a Porkling of 7 skill. a breast of veal, 12 couple of rabbits, and as many Puddings as will make rails round about More-fields, this greedy-gut shall swallow him: he cranches Capons, as fast as an Ape cracks Nuts; he tosses a Pike( if it be in White-broth) better then any soldier: he is, a curse to Pasties; a tormenter of Poultry, a sepulchre to Lobsters; a terrible Sheep-biter; a horr●ble Mutton-monger; a Gorbelly-Glutton: See, sir, the bear is at Stake.   

The Gluttons speech.  
A chair, a chair, sweet Master Jew, a chair: All that I say, is this, It me a fat man it has been a West-Indian voyage for me to come reeking hither; A kitchen stuffe-wench might pick up a living, by following me, for the fat which I loose in straddling: I do not live by the sweat of my brows, but am almost dead with sweeting, I eat much, but can talk little; Sir John Old-castle was my great grandfathers fathers Uncle, I come of a huge kindred, And of you desire to learn, whether my Fortune be to die a year, or two, hence, or to grow bigger, if I continue as I do in feeding,( for, my victua ls I cannot leave:) Say, say, merciful Jew, what shall become of me.   

The Gluttons Fortune.  
BEfore your Fortune comes( said Orlotto) Take some counsel. You say, you are a fat man; I see it, you feel it: How came you so fat? by feeding: And why fed you so much? because you are one of Natures Monsters, that eat of your own Mother. Man is not born a Glutton, he makes himself one; your Belly is your god, and a cook the Saint you pray to; A full table is your blessing, and yet, a full table is your curse; By eating a great deal, you eat up yourself; for like an ox, the fatter he grows, the sooner he goes to the slaughter; so you shorten your journey to the land of worms; You sit upon thorns, And upon this thorn grows your Fortune.  
Your Body( as it is) shall ever be an hospital full of Diseases; your mind, a thick Mud, a standing Puddle; your soul dwells in a stinking house, yet was brought up to be an excellent housewife; your guts shall, to your dying day, be a Dunghill; Here is your misery, No woman shall mary you, had you never so much, or if any do, she shall loath to lye by such a mountain of ugliness; your country will hate you, because she knows not how to employ you, for you are fit for nothing, but to eat, drink, and sleep; by which means you are an idle man, and an idle man is the Devills Cushion. All the good you can do, you shall make an excellent Feast in your grave; Pray for a Famine, for if that Surgeon cannot work upon your body, and eat away the proud flesh, such a plentiful year as this, must put you to the charge of a longer girdle, so that you shall never live in any compass, until a Coffin embrace you, for which I wish you provide; let your soul feed upon heavenly Manna, you have too much earth in you, so take heed you be not benighted. Fare you well. Ile fare as well as I can( answered he) and tumbled away.    


A jealous Man comes to know his Fortune.  
IS this Beast mad( cried the Jew) that keeps this rapping in such hast? let him cool his heels, and know better manners; who is it joculo?  
A melancholy Hee-Cat( sir) said the crack, a wild man, a staring man; he looks behind him, as if a kennel of Citie-hounds had him in chase: he sighs, and beats his breast, and wrings his hands; some penitent Christian: Hoyda! now he stamps,( I guess what he is) and feels for Bumpes in his forehead.  
Some jealous fool( said Orlotto) I warrant, if it be, he's his own Beadle, and needs no other Executioner. Is his Wife faire? though never so honest, she's false: Is she witty? she's then( he says) a wanton; speaks any Gallant to her, he wooes her; smiles shee on him, there's a promise: Is shee merry at home? 'tis but to mock him; is she sad? she will anon be merry abroad: Is she gone forth? then his head aches, and heart pants; stays shee out long, then he's horn mad; and runs bellowing like a Bull, up and down to find his Cow. And see sir( said Iocu●o) he's broken loose and come in.   

The jealous mans speech.  
ORlotto seeing the man so ghastly and wild in his looks, staring round about him; asked him, what he made there, and what he would have.  
A Wife— a Wife, a Wife( honest father Jew) I would have, That's the thing I look for; I shall find her soon, but I fear. I feel her now on my forehead; Shee's wondrous faire in mine eye, and read Queen-Apples are tempting fruit: If she sits in my shop, my stalle is my hell, feathered Gallants talk to her, cheapning her, take her by the hand, look Babies in her eyes; I am then full of Customers, a— fool to such Customers; sand her away, No body cheapens any thing: Shee's my heaven, Shee's my hell: O dear Jew tell me, Am I a cuckolded or no! put my head out of this miserable pain, I shall run mad else; what! what! O, say, in a word, what's my Fortune, my hard Cornuted-Fortune.   

The Iealous-mans Fortune.  
YOur Fortune( said Orlotto) whatsoever Fate sets down in her unchangeable book for you, you( in spite of Fate) will have such a Fortune, as your own head( without your Wifes hand) thrusts upon you: you will cry up yourself a cuckolded, be your Wife as chased as you, and must wind a horn, albeit you wear none. fear makes you foolish; and a confidence that your Wife is false, leaves you distrustful. Cannot a Woman be handsome, but shee's a Harlot? can she not be absent, but she plays foul? But say your fears were true, why do you torment your soul, when ther's no remedy? Sores past Cure, should be past Care; that which is done, cannot be undone: If she be a good wife, you wrong her to make her bad; If she be bad, all your raving cannot make her good; it is not the work of man, such wonders are wrought by Heaven. Is she( for all your idle and causeless jealousy) Chast? why then, no wooing can tempt her, no gold overcome her, no pleasure poison her, no peevishness of yours, make her crooked. But if she will be loose, you shall never bind her; if she will, she will. Locks shall not bar her, nor doors imprison her, nor Stone-walls ram her up; if her mind hath wings, over will she fly, and her body shall mount.  
Your Fortune therefore is; If you cannot alter your belief, then you shall be your own Martyr, still living in torments, never-dying in them, till they and you die together: your body shall grow lean with freting; your face pale with your fears; your goods melt away by your carelessness; yet you full of Care: Age will clap you on the shoulder, whilst you are young, and your head grow white before you are old. Your Children you will not love, because you suspect they are Bastards: your meat you will hardly touch, mistrusting shee will poison it: you shall never be merry at heart, never sleep soundly, never sit, but sigh; never walk, but distracted; And never die, but in despair to leave her to any other, whom you so desire to engross to yourself. Your best way, is to think the best, and judge the best.— Ptrooh( cried he) Beware-Hornes, and so, like an ox, broken loose and ran out at gate.    


A Lover comes to know his Fortune.  
WHo next( said Orlotto?) I hear one at gate, and 'tis a temperate knocker, What is he? O sir, said joculo, 'tis a pale young man, his eyes are sunk in's head, cheeks lean, and Lips bloodlesse; very neat in Gloathes, his arms across, so hard pressing his stomach, that out flies a Sigh, and hangs at his Band-string, tumbling there in a little hoop of Gold. Now he reads, And now he sighs again, and turns up the white o'th eye.  
By all these dead Colours, he should, said Orlotto, be some Inamorato, some passionate Lover. O, he's here of himself: Young-man, you are welcome, What ail your eyes? have you been crying?  
Crying!( said he) O eyes! no eyes but fountains full of tears. A line in jeronimo( cried the Boy.)   

The Lovers speech.  
I confess it, said the Lover, 'tis in jeronimo, and I am jeronimo; for I have a son murdered; the son of my mother is made away by the cruelty of a Maid; I am Iphis, She Anaxarete: Sir, I am by profession, a Puny-Clerke, and serve in the Chancery; my Masters daughters eyes has bewitched me, and I am mad, directly mad. says Orlotto, Doth the Maid love you? Love me! cried out the Lover, with a head hung aside, and hands heaved up. This is Daniels Delia, cried joculo. True said th'other, for I am Daniel, shee my Delia: 
O had she not been faire, and so unkind,  
My Muse had slept; and none had known her mind.  Were it not( admired Hebrew) that I fed upon these scrapps of Poetry, this Maid would famish me: I am as I said before, a Chancery moat playing in the sunbeams of that conscionable Court; a true Chancery-man has but one Pen, so have I, one pen, one mistris: and yet for all the Bills of Complaint, which I draw, and put up to her beauty, shee serves me still with Sub-paena upon Sub-paena, to answer to the Intergatories of her cruelty: She has Demurs, and Replications, and rejoinders; but my case hangs, and no order can I get set down in this tediour Court of Cupid, she undoes me at my very desk; for when I am copying out a Bill with 12, or 14 lines in a sheet, if I but think on her, I lash out such wide straddling F. F. that my conscience methinks, runs between the gouty legs of them.   

The Lovers Fortune.  
TO whom, the Jew, thus; Yong-man, I am sorry you so over-conceit my ability, to imagine I can call down a star, or that a star can come at my call, to satisfy you, or any man in such an idleness.  
You say, you are a clerk, and clerks should have some seeds of Schollers in them. Remember, Otia si tollas, follow the heels of your Law, and look not at the fine foot of your mistress; ply your Chancery-deske, and forget your Masters Coy Daughter, if she moves in a sphere too high for you, stand not staring up, least dust fall into your eyes: you are young, and handsome, and may meet her equal, to like you better, and love you better; whistle not a hawk to your fist, that is haggard; let her alone, till some other lures her down: see this coy Thing married, and bear Children, and look pale and lean, and ill-favoured, hear her tongue to her husband, see her pride over her Servants, and then, be glad thou hast missed such a torment: but if no counsel can warn you, Then here is your Fortune.  
You shall lye on your back( in your bed) like an Astronomer, to take the height of this star, yet never reach it: an Ague cannot so shake you, as this sickness; it will turn to our Cupids Calentures in time, and make you throw yourself overboard into a desperate Grave; you shall save much meate by your fasting, but will have drink in abundance from your eyes; one sigh is too much to cast away upon a cruell-one: but you by yout sighing, will be nothing but air: no mourners shall come to your funeral, for the death of a mere Lover, is ridiculous; you should bee butted naked, because Love goes so, and your eyes thrust out by Cupids Arrows, because having sight given to an excellent end,( to look up to Heaven, and to practise astrological conclusions upon that celestial Globe) when upon Earth, your eye is made Surveyor of all the great works under the King of kings: you toss the balls of those eyes, onely at the beauty of a foolish young wanton, who with disdain, bandies them back into your own bosom. You delight I see to deal a little in Verse, your Fortune shall bee shut up in Verse.  
That Lover, whom proud beauty makes more bold,  
Sits by a painted fire; dyes through could.  
The Lover went away, with this onely in his mouth, 
Hei mihi quòd nullis amor est medicabilis herbis.  
Ah! wo is me, no physic can discover,  
Where that herb grows, which cures a wounded Lover.     


A Witch comes to know her Fortune.  
THe Lover,( who said he was bewitched) was no sooner gone, but a Witch came in; for the Gates flew open as if the devil had been a Fencer, to make way before her. At sight of this strange apparition, bless us( said joculo) I have been in Lap-land, and here I think comes one of the bear-ey'd Bell-dames, with a hand-kercher tied full of knots to sell a wind to us.   

The Witches speech.  
hail Jew( quoth the Witch so soon as she spied him,) I could find in my heart, to call down the moon by a charm, I am so vexed; poor hobbling old Woman, I pluck down the moon! so can I turn Bun-hill yonder into the highest mountain in the World, and all-one. My staff here carries my shrievell'd carcase no sooner through the streets but men jeer me, out Witch cry women, whilst the boyes hoot, fling stones, and run afore me, with a Witch, a Witch, a Witch, only in their mouths; would I endure this, if I were a Witch? if I were a Witch, would I not be revenged? I would, I would by Snap, Tracer, Smirk, if there be any such spirits. But I would know by these barking curs why they thus bite at me? why bite they not the glorious Witches in the kingdom? why bite they not them? why burn they not them? are there not gay painted Witches, hurried in Caroches? from whose eyes, Lust kindles bonfires? from whose naked paps( laid out) wantons suck the milk of time; are there not ruffling Sattin-Witches; that turn whole Lordships to Wardrobes of rich clothes; that turn Acres into gold Lace Ploughs and Teams into Flanders Mares and coaches? are there not City-Witches, that turn their husbands shops of wears to sumptuous Tables, and close garden riots; wasting more in one year, then was scraped together in seven? These are the fine Witches, and none dare abuse them; but because I am a deformed creature, I am a course Witch, and every body tells me I shall be burnt; for what am I to be burnt? for cursing young rogues that follow me, they die within a day or two; must I therfore bewitch them? tell me now thou sweet fac'd-Jew, what shall become of me? shall Newgate be my inn? is't my Fortune to have a good fire to warm me ere I die? fetch then the Faggots and the Reeds, for I am weary of this World. Say Jew, what's my Fortune?   

The Witches Fortune.  
TO whom, Orlotto, thus; Woman, that thou art a Witch, or no; for all thy opinion of my skill is beyond my knowledge: But if thou art one, then will I tell thee what Monster thou art.  
A Witch, is the Devills Otter-hound, living both on Land and Sea, and doing mischief in either; she kills more beasts, then a licenced Butcher in Lent, yet is nere the fatter; shee's but a dry Nurse for the Flesh, yet gives suck to the Spirit. A Witch! rides many times post on hellish businesses, yet if a Ladder do but stop her, shee'll be hanged ere shee goes any further. In all her life-time shee has but one Cause tried at Law, and where others pay for expedition, she finds such dispatch, that in three or four dayes at most, she hath both Judgement and Execution come forth.  
A Hangman is the last man she parts with, from whom if she asks any thing, he puts her off: when her life is weighing Anchor, and hoy sing sail, her ship( the Conscience) is of a great burden, and unless she hath mighty help to cast all her sins overboard, her lading is lost forever, in turning of a hand. What death soever shee's put to, shee can be no Martyr, yet suffers for the Truth. A Witch, This is the Picture; If you bee the Person, And mend not your life,( alter not your courses) This is your Fortune, To die wretchedly, And after death, Live miserable Eternally.  
The old Woman limp'd Crumbling, Mumbling, and Cursing, away.    


A Roaring Boy, comes to know his Fortune.  
AS the Witch stumbled out at the Gate, a Gallant all in Scarlet, met her, and had almost iusselled her down; at which she went away muttering, and he came forward laughing: who is that( said Orlotto) is so merry; some Morris-dancer? what's that rings so? O( quoth the Boy) Mr. this is a brave man, in a long horse-mans Coat,( or gown rather) down to his heels, daubed thick with gold Lace; a huge Feather in his spangled Hat, a Lock to his shoulders playing with the wind, a Steeletto hanging at his Girdle; Belt and Sword embracing his body, and the ring of Bells you hear, are his jingling Cathern-wheele spurs. See sir, here comes the leader of the Myrmidons.  
where's this Jew( cried the Ruffler,) your business( said Orlotto.)   

The Roaring Boyes speech.  
O( Quoth he) are you this rare fellow? Jew, I would have thee know, I am a man of the Sword; a Battoon Gallant, one of our Dammees, a bounce Boy, a kicker of bawds, a tyrant over Puncks, a terror to Fencers, a mewer of plays, a jeerer of Poets, a gallon pot-flinger, in rugged English, a Roarer. Fighting is my food, Blood my drink, quarrel my glory, stabbing my triumph; out of wounds I drink healths, and out of healths I beget wounds. A man I killed but last week, and am bound to answer it, A fico; I care not this: he that dares fig●t, dares die; and he that dares die, makes ● fool of Life.  
Some would not kill a man for the World, and what cate I if I had stabbed a World? your greater kill-cowes have ever( besides Butchers) been the bravest men. Jew, I have red History, and Chronicles; and am such a Duellist, that it fattens me, and wattens me, when I hear of a Combat well per●orm'd; gashes, and slashes I honour, knee-deep in Gore, oh! then I roar.  
Ever since man was made a Cutler, killing has been in fashion; men and women have been good at ●t: Medea, killed her Brother; jugurth, his; Antiochus the Great, his; Romulus, his; an English King first thrust out his Brothers eyes, then killed him with starving. Alexius,( a fine rogue) killed Isaac Angelus the Emperour, who brought him from the Oar, and the Bulls-pizle. Nero, killed his Mother; Husbands have killed their Wives, Wives their H●sbands; Kings, their queens; queens, their Kings. The King of Pontus slay his Wife Laodice; That cuckolds Brother ( Agamemnon) dyed by his Wifes treachery. These stories I love, these Tragedies are my Comedies; why( Jew) dost thou so eye my Habit, is't not rich? is't not brave? yes said Orlotto, but somewhat fantastic; so much the better,( cried the other) the more fantastic men and women are, the sooner Fashions alter; the more they alter, the more work has the tailor; the more work he does, the richer he grows; the richer the Subject grows, more honour to the Country, and therefore nothing is lost by phantasticallity. But now Jew to the cause of my coming, I would fain know of thee what luck, Good or Bad, that Whore, Fortune, purposes to confer upon me.   

The Roaring Boy, his Fortune.  
SIR, what lies within the circled of my apprehension, shall be yours; you say you are a Roarer, Lions roar, and yet at one time or other are outroar'd: delight you in blood? your delight will be your downfall; Judges sit in Scarlet to condemn men, and a Crimson sword shall condemn you: nothing is so superstitious as the life of man, and nothing so pernicious as to spill it; the anointing of Kings is not so sacred, as the ssucing out of blood is detestable: when man loves man, he lives with his Maker; when man kills man, he dwells( without repentance) with the devil. Your Fortune is, if you go on in your Roaring, on in your fighting, on in your stabbing, on in your killing; you shall be feared by some, hated by All: none will pray for you but Surgeons; but the Wife and Children, kindred, and friends of him whom you have killed, or whom you shall kill, will curse you for ever.  
After your quarrels, your stabbing and fighting, your sleeps will be full of frights, your walking by day full of fears, of Constables, and Warrants, and Pistols, so to bee killed suddenly, and unprepared for mercy i● dreadful; and you must look so to die, if you compel others to die so, your life being a continual war, what peace can attend upon your death. This is all I can say to you, the path to Heaven, is a milky way; not a bloody: that milky way is for milk-shoppes( cried the Roarer) and so farewell Jew.    


The voluntary bankrupt would know his Fortune.  
WHo comes next said Orlotto? one knocks, look out joculo; I know not( said he) what he is, but it seems to be some Aldermans deputy by his Beard; a Church-warden by his gravity, and a Constable by his surly face. Judge else, he's here.   

The bankrupts speech.  
LEarned Jew, wisdom ever attend you; sir, I am a Citizen, and my ambition is, to bear up the reputation of such a name: I love to swim, but it is death for me to sink; to be called a wealthy Citizen, is my mind, as great an honour as to bee called Bethlem-Gabor, or Spinola, or Tilley, they fight for glory,( and we Citizens strive for Riches) and is more glorious, than to muster an Army of golden angels on a Table.  
The secrets of many Trades I know; and their odd ways, tricks, devices, policies, knaveries to get money; and none dare tax them: none will, because all( for the most part) are Black-a-Mores as well as themselves: who in an hospital, will upbraid his fellow with my disease, when he that reviles the other, lies himself there sick of the Pox? I, seeing this corruption in all Professions, do not greatly care to be corrupt too: being among Crows, why should not I bee ravenous, and learn to peck out eyes? when all the people in the World are Doves, then will I be a Turtle.  
Some care not whom they undo, so they may scrape pelf together; I think therefore it is no great sin to undo the undoers. A voluntary bankrupt then is a necessary member in a City; a sword of Justice, to punish offenders; a good Ant before-hand in Summer to bee armed for Winter: an indulgent nurse to himself, and a careful Father to his Family. Is it not a wretched reproach for a man, a Citizen, a great Trader, a busy Shop-keeper to leave his Wife poor, and his Children beggars? that scandal will I fan off from mine, and my posterity: for( Jew) I am not ashamed to tell you, that I have played the Jew with my Christian-brother Citizens, have got into my hands the goods of many, to enrich one,( that's myself;) what care I for being called bankrupt: why should Ludgate be more disgrace to me than any other Gate? do I not see a company of brave fellows live there? are not their fine Wives, as merry with them there, as at home? have they not Pasties of Venison there, and bottles of Wine upon bottles? are they not full of Gold and Silver? can they not lie at their own houses, when they list, and walk abroad when they list; if there be not the clog of an Execution tied to their leg? who then would not break? who would not lye there? O! but to lye there, and spend other mens money! do not all Shop-keepers, that swear and lye put off bad Commodities, spend others estates so too?  
I would gladly therefore( O noble Jew) bee informed from your knowledge in the influences of the Stars, what Fortune shall be mistress over these goods, thus gotten; and what honor I may raise myself and Children to, if the goods can bee kept together.   

The voluntary bankrupts Fortune.  
TO whom the Jew thus replied, to take a Purse by the High-way, albeit it bee manly, yet it is villainy: he yet ventures his life in the taking of it, and his neck, when it is taken; a traveller may bee armed against such a mischief: the thief robs but one; O! but to get mens goods, by a faire way of friendly trading; and then to impoverish the owner of them, what robbery is like it: there are many ways to prevent a thief, a voluntary bankrupt, none. Such a Land-Pirat steals not from one, but from hundreds; he does undo Towns in the Country, if he deals with Chapmen, whole streets in the City; whole Families in several Parishes. What Fortune now, think you, can attend upon such doings. This Fortune, and this shall be yours.  
If either by cozenage, tricks in Law, or by any other devilish net; you go a fishing for other mens estates, you shall have the curse of masters of families, the wo-worths of mothers; the lack-and-well-adaes of Children; and the bitter execrations of Servants. You shall bee all your life-time counted but a thief, your Wife pointed at, for jetting in stolen feathers; and your children hated worse than Bastards: flourish you may a while in the World; you may laugh, drink Wine, and be free from Prison, upon paying Ten groats or so in the Pound; and then you may set up again, and break again; and play the thief again, but the hanging comes in the end.  
You Break, and 'tis a proper word, for you break the hearts of undone Citizens; what follows? when you come to die, there's no breaking away then; to come to die, makes a fool of all your cunning; all your cozenage: to come to die, puzzels the most politic bankrupt; he's never put to his trumps but at that hour: It is the terrible reckoning( then) the fearfullest casting up what every mans Ware comes to, whom you have cheated; the hardest lesson that flesh and blood can take forth: you shall on your death-bed Rave, and swear you see undone Orphans crying, and wringing their hands; your sins will stand round about you: conscience( all spotted) ringing one Bell in your right ear, and despair, another in the left: hell gaping for his share, the grave for his; and then if an arm Omnipotent flings not by the Curtains, to take you by the hand, with a voice; crying, Restore thy stolen goods; and then come away, and fear nothing: what a miserable Fortune will this bee to you. The bankrupt held down his head, as ashamed; said nothing, and so partend.    


A Sergeant of London comes to know his Fortune.  
WHo is that( said Orlotto) that beats with such authority? mary, says the Boy, by his quick eye, a Mace in his hand, and a gown on his back, It should be an Officer. I fear no arrests, quoth the Jew, Call him in.   

The Sergeants speech.  
THo I come to thee, learned Sir, with this Copper Pestle in my hand, it is to show you what I am( a Sergeant of London:) What I have been, is delivered in three words,( A Citizen of London, A broken Citizen,) and yet having some money in my hands, I laid by my trade, and bought this Office. I know, the sight of such a gown, hath put many into Agues: This sceptre of authority( but laid on a mans shoulder) hath bruised all his Bones, yet Mace is wholesome. Many, in scorn, call us( by a base nick-name) Catchpolls, But what care I for that, when I know the Profession is honest, and a Christian Calling. When Knights and Swaggerers in the world, take up Commodities, and run in debt to honest Shop-keepers, And that they( like a guard of Muffes) every morning, wait at their doors to get their money, yet come without it; Then the honest Officer has a charm in his hand to fetch in all such Debts: What a sweet Chime in the ear of a Citizen is, I arrest you, to a Gallant that is deep in his books? were it not for men of my coat, how many shop-keepers would bee undone? what frays, and what frights would there be in the City by Roarers; but that they dare not come hither for fear of our faces? this look of mine, through a read Lattice, has been as killing, as a musket out of a Loop-hole.  
And what do we, when lovingly we embrace a mans middle; wee come behind him, because wee would not fright him too much; and to show wee are good subjects, we Arrest all in the Kings name.  
Arrest! O sweet word! O word of peace! for, when Gentlemen are weary with Riding, or trotting after Lawyers; we bring them to a Rest, a quiet Rest: we are their Doctors, they our Patients; and what physic do we minister? none but gentle physic at first; a cup of Burnt-wine in a Tavern in Winter, or Wine and Sugar in Summer: if these Glisters cannot give them easy stools, then wee gently led them into the counter, and there give them a vomit, to reach up all the melancholy stuffing in their bodies: and what is the counter? is it not a college where they may study? is it not the Paper-house, a Book, where they may red what they are, and learn to turn over a new leaf? yes sure.  
Now Sir, all I desire at your hands, is to know whether by my place( my trade of shoulder-clapping) I shall ever come to any good, or no; that is, whether I shall ever be Rich.   

The Sergeants Fortune.  
YOu may, if you get your money with no rugged hands. If you rack Gentlemen, when they are in your hands, Take heed of the Temple-garden, lest you fall into the Thames. If you hale a poor Tradesman to prison, he crying, He shall never come out, but is undone for ever, And that you know before he is arrested, that it will undo him; your Fortune will be one day, to find a slaw in your Conscience for that Fee so taken. If you care not how desperately you venture on Gallants, because if they cut or stab you, you suck money out of wounds, and recover, by Law, great sums for little scratches; Your Fortune shall be to scape, One, Two, or Three such Roaring Degoes, but a fourth will give you that which you can never recover. I do not discommend your Calling, but your Cruelty: use all men gently, and then, some shall speak nobly of you, and give you that Character which sticks upon few of your Tribe, An honest Sergeant. he thanked him, and offered to Arrest for him, either Jew, or Christian: and so took his leave, to wait on the sheriff his Master.    


A thief comes to know his Fortune.  
look out Boy( said Orlotto) Another knocks. I see( quoth joculo) a man, and a Head standing upon shoulders, but it has no face, That's muffled in a cloak lined through with Velvet. The Head has a long Lock, and a thick Bush, It may be a thief lurks in it. See, sir, he's come.  
Are you,( said the thief) that Jew so talked on for your skill? What's your business said Orlotto?   

The Thiefes speech.  
I Am then( noble Jew) a Gentleman by birth, and a younger Brother, by the sluggishness of my Father, who made not hast enough to beget me, before the rest of my brothers; So that having no lands left me. I make shift to pick out a living at my fingers ends. I have been a thief these fifteen yeeres, and am not yet ashamed of my Occupation. Why( if I be the Kings Subject) shall not the Kings High-way allow me Maintenance, when no body else will?  
I see, every Sessions, Carts full drawn up Hol-bourne, Farewell they, these are Riff-raffe thieves, the Scum of a State, Pilferers, Pick-pockets, and Cut-purses: But a brave Purse-taker, is the Great-Turke of Cavileroes, to such bastardly handicrafts.  
To play the thief, is a part studied both by Sea and Land: Men in dicing will juggle in false ones, and what's that but Thriving? All that are voluntary Bankrupts are thieves. How many Rich men steal to the beds of Whores? And how many faire Women, to the beds of Knaves? If then, examples can give privileges, my Robbing is warrantable. A lusty, hardy, tall thief, who( tho himself rides on a good Gelding, yet cries to him whom he meets, Stand) may be a Leader of men; for he does such Courtisies to them on the way, that he binds them to him. All Executors that rob Orphans of their portions, are thieves, and deserve more to be hanged then a Purser. A Purser is a good place, in a ship, but I hold my Pursing-place better on shore. I pray, Jew, tell me whether I was not born under Mercury,( for he is the Thiefes Planet) and what, if I continue in my Trade, I must trust too? My Fortune, speak quickly.   

The Thiefes Fortune.  
YOu must, said Orlotto, trust to be Trussed up. And so farewell.  
Jew, quoth he, would I had thee but on Gads-hill, I am not Noos'd yet: and so stolen away as he came in, Muffled.    


A Hang-man comes to know his Fortune.  
AS the thief went out at gate, one met him.  
Is there any body else, said Orlotto, Yes, said joculo, I see one coming, who meeting the Pursy Gallant full at gate, looked back at him, shooke his head, and lifted up one finger, as if he should say, Aha! do I know thee. What he is, let himself tell you, for this is the party.   

The Hangmans speech.  
WHich, I pray, is the Cunning-man, said he? I met a younker at your gate, who if he came to look his Fortune, might have saved his labour, and found out me; I know him, and shall one day, I fear, tell him the last Fortune that ever he shall lay hold on.  
Why, said Orlotto, what are you? I am, quoth he, a man that have few fellowes in England; no Butcher, yet deal altogether in Mans and Womans flesh, yet, for all that, I am no Caniball. I am the Ladder of the Law, by which many Malefactors climb up the steps of Reformation: No grand Jury-man am I, yet sit upon life and death as often as any of them doth. A Rope-maker is my back friend, yet my man: A Carman drives my Coach, and the Sergeants of London are my guard of Billmen. I am no Gentleman born, yet sometimes keep Gentlemen at my heels, for I have land( a little piece of ground) on this side Paddington, and such as are my Tenants, there pay me what we bargain for; all this description of myself, shows, that albeit I met a tall rank thief at your gates, yet I am a true hangman, an officer of the City by my place, and at all Executions of Justice I am seated highest, for all the other Officers are under me: a hangman( some think, 'tis a word of disgrace, a title of infamy.) What are they then that behind their backs hang one another? for my part I make peace, and draw quarreling companies to a-Cord: your roaring Boyes whom whole streets of Constables( now and then) cannot tame, when they come under my fingers, are as hushed as schoolboys.  
Why then is the trade of hanging such a reproach to me? is it not a word used in Noble-mens houses as an honour to such places, these are costly rich hangings? when a Lady is passionate, and full of sorrow; do you not say she hangs the head? do not Women hang about their husbands necks, and innocent Children about their Mothers. This word hanging is no such scurvy English as the Gallowes-Audience take it to be; the word is ancient, and signifies much: to some it is a Deaths head; the very sound of the word( hanging) makes many a one that is altogether unlettered, to fall to his book, and learn his Neck-verse: how many base fellowes whom some thought would never have come to good, yet in my company do not only pray hearty themselves, but request others to pray for them? You now know who I am, and with what broom I use to sweep the Common-wealth of Enormities: yet because I am hated, reviled by crack-halters, scolded at by fish-wives, and oftentimes after an Execution, almost beaten to death by them. I pray( Mr. Jew) bestow a cast of your Office upon me( a poor member of the law) by telling me my Fortune whether I shall die in my bed, or no, or what else shal happen to me; and if ever any thieving Tartarian should break in upon you, I will with both hands nimbly lend a cast of my office to him.   

The Hangmans Fortune.  
says Orlotto, I should be sorry ever to trouble you that way( in your Precinct:) what you are, I know by the woeful experience of others; a Retainer to a violent Death; and a kind of Purveyor to him, taking up his provision, as Axes, Ropes, Cords, Knives, Gibbets, Racks, Ladders, &c. your place in the garden of a State is to cut down briars, and pluck up Weeds: your office( if you call it an office) is, I confess, as necessary as a Surgeons; he cures Wounds, you wickedness. Shall I tell you in what account a fellow of your hempen qualities is held in Germany? when he comes to take his oath, there's a new stool made for him, upon which he sits bare-headed before the burghers( his Masters) and there laying his hand on a Book, he's sworn to betray Father, Mother, Kindred, Friend, or Foe: and there being bidden to rise up( Thief-leader;) He has a kick on the tail given him, and the stool before his face, burnt in the fire; prepared for that purpose onely, as unfit for any other man to sit upon it; Any one that doth but drink with him, being thought a Schellum, and as infamous as the Carnifex himself, but in England you are not so branded. Would you know your Fortune? If all the World were honest, you might go hang yourself; for you should( else) have no work; the diseases of a City must keep you sound; the worse the Rabble or Rogues are, the better you thrive: Witches, Traytors, and Murderers, shall be to your last day your best Benefactors; and yet for all your Wardrobes of hanged mens clothes; for all your dozen of shirts at a time made at the gallows, you must be content to live a threadbare Knave, and die a beggar.  
No blessing can follow such a cursed tormenter; thy dreams shall be of nothing but of wry mouths, blabbed tongues, knots under the care, and poor tottred wretches stripped and tumbled stark naked into a nasty pit one upon another: Whether thou shalt die in thy bed or no, my spirits are so dogged, they will not tell me; hope the best: But if( as others of thy coat,) thou by touching Pitch continually art defiled, as they were: then be sure to take thy leave of the World like a hangman. With a look( as if he had been going to the gallows) he went away.    


tyburn comes to know his Fortune.  
A thief going off the stage but a little before, and the hangman entering presently after; who( if not tyburn) should step in next? joculo therefore standing on Tipto to look toward the Gate, was half afraid, shook, and grew pale: what ail'st thou( said his Master,) O sir cried he; yonder is a Thing coming hither that is no man, and yet no monster; he knew the Hangman, and shooke him by the unlucky golls: It hath Three Feet, and no Head that I see,( at least no Face;) yet it wears a Three Cornered cap; a goodly Timberd Gentleman it is, if it bee a Gentleman: look, look,( O Master,) with much ado, it hath crowded in. The Jew was aghast to behold such a motion; but then it thus spake;   

Tiburnes speech.  
WOnder not Jew, nor be affrighted to see a dead three thus removed from his Centers; neither admire that I speak and have a voice, for so many coming on fatal Errands to me from Newgate, they( at my home) loose their lives; and all their voices fly into me. That Trees have motion, you see in every field how they wanton with the winds, that they sometimes speak. Remember Aeneas his tearing down boughs to prepare a Sacrifice; which boughs ran with blood: and then a voice out of a three discovering the murder of Polidore, who there lay butted. Remember the old verse of a Lute speaking thus; 
Alive i'th Woods, till blows me felled to'th ground,  
Dumb, Living; Dead, I yield a heavenly sound.   
NOw albeit these Patterns did not privilege me; yet I have had to do with so many Witches, magicians, Conjurers, and great Schollers; that by the charms( learnt from them) it is easy for me: thus to come to you, and thus to salute you.  
My name is famous through England, and in other Countreys; of a long standing am I; and of great practise for that which I profess, and yet my name is not so ill as some would have it: For my right name is Tey-Bourne, and not tyburn. Bourne, signifies a River; and the River Tey, runs by me, sending his love in Pipes to holborn: So, Tey-bourne feeds holborn; and holborn, tyburn.  
I am cursed for hanging so many every Sessions; alas, I sand not for them, they are brought to me; and shall not I do my office: I take no pleasure in mens deaths. Yet I confess it delights me when Carts full of Traytors( that would blow up a kingdom) stand round about me; I have seen fine fellowes on their prauncers ride by me, shaking their wands at me, laughing and jeering me to my face; yet within one fortnight after, I have had them under my fingers. Alas poor tyburn, little doth the World know what I feel: I endure hail, Snow, Frosts, Lightning, and Thunder in the day time; I am cursed, scorned, and hacked with Swords; in the night the ghosts of men and women, butted there, come round about my fields groaning, and shrieking, and wishing, those that have been brought to the last turning off from one of my ladders, yet were reprieved, and sent back, to amend their courses: and counseling all such that are likely to go Westward, to sail by a better compass; and not to make my Narrow Sea their way to Heaven.  
Now, ever learned and reverend Jew; say what shall become of me, what shall I do. What Fortune will the fates hang upon my shoulder.   

Tiburnes Fortune.  
THis said Orlotto.  
Thou shalt stand long in earth, but not grow higher; and( old) be hewn, and thrown into the fire: at which word it vanished. I have not heard( said joculo) such a talking gallows; but sir, the clock of my belly bids me tell you 'tis noon. So the Jew arose, and forced me to stay dinner.    
FINIS.