EPIGRAMS Both PLEASANT AND SERIOVS, Written by that All-Worthy Knight, Sir John HARRINGTON: and never before Printed.  Pro captu Lectoris habent suafata libelli. 
 Woodcut printer's device of a head and ornamental swags (not in McKerrow).  
LONDON Imprinted for John Budge, and are to be sold at his shop at the South door of Pauls, and at Britaines Burse. 1615.   

TO THE truly NOBLE, virtuous, and worthy of all Honour; WILLIAM earl of pembroke, Knight of the Honourable Order of the GARTER.  
Right Honourable:  
your Sidneian blood, and your famed favour to now despised poesy, challenge the dedication of these Epigrams Better then these, none yet haue put on an English habit: and therfore deserve an honourable Patron. Report delivers of the Renowned Sidney( whose blood you haue, whose virtues you inherit) that the most vnfiled work, the poorest hand could offer up, he received with thanks, making the love of the man, to supply the worth. My hope, if not belief, tells me, that your Lordship will do the like by me, and graciously accept of this book, which the love of a poor man presumes to present unto you. red then, great Lord, and reading approve the works of this no mean Poet, whom it can bee no dishonour to your Honour to protect. I conclude my Epistle with this prayer, that what is best for you in this world, you may enjoy before, and above your wish, and that at last you may everlastingly live in that other world, whither the emulation of your Lordships virtues will led a troupe of souls.  
Your Lordships most humble seruant to obey your command, I. B.   

To the Reader.  
WHy should I pen the praises of the Author? Is not his name a sufficient Apology? His mad Orlando will fight for him, and with blows of rent-vp oaks, beat down all opinions that dare take arms against the fairness of his famed. If Orlando neither would, nor could defend him: yet his acknowledged learning would invite some well tempered spirit, to tell the world that his worth is not butted with his body. What the grave could contain, it now hath: his immortal part it could not enclose; that is returned to a larger place, from whence at first it set forth a pilgrim: Yet before it fled hence, it recorded in the memories of men, the virtues it was endued with, and the actions which those virtues brought forth, which the last age shall not forget. As for these ensuing Epigrams, I will say nothing, but that they say enough for themselves. Some one of them it may be, will not please some one man. What wonder? several palates require diversity of sauces. One or other they will all please, and therefore my confidence chargeth me to writ not one word more: but Adieu.   

EPIGRAMS  


To an ill Reader.  
THe verses, Sextus, thou dost red, are mine;  
But with bad reading thou wilt make them thine.    


In lectorem inuidum.  
WHo read's our verse with visage sour& grim,  
I wish him envy me, none envy him.    


Of Table friends.  
YOu think his faith is firm, his friendship stable,  
Whose first acquaintance grew but at your Table:  
He loues your venison, snytes, quails, larks, not you:  
Make me such fare, and take my friendship too.    


The Author to his Wife, of partition.  
SOme Ladies with their Lords divide their state,  
And live so when they list, at several rate;  
But I'll endure thee, Mall, on no condition,  
To sue with me a writ of such partition.  
Twice seven yeares since, most solemnly I vowed,  
With all my worldly goods I thee endowed,  
Then house, plate, stuff, not part, but al is thine:  
Yet so, that thou, and they, and all are mine.  
Then let me go, and sue my writ of dotage,  
If I with thee part house, or close or cottage.  
For where this is my Lords, and that my Ladies,  
There some perhaps, think likewise of their babies.    


Of Treason.  
TReason doth never prosper, whats the reason?  
For if it prosper, none dare call it Treason.    


Of the warres in Ireland.  
I praised the speech, but cannot now abide it,  
That war is sweet, to those that haue not tried it:  
For I haue proved it now, and plainly see't,  
It is so sweet, it maketh all things sweet.  
At home canary wines and greek grew loathsome:  
Here milk is Nectar, water tasteth toothsome.  
There without baked, roast, boiled, it is no cheer.  
biscuit we like, and Bonny Clabbo here.  
There we complain of one rear roasted chick:  
here viler meat, worse cooked, ne're makes me sick.  
At home in silken sparuers, beds of Down,  
We scant can rest, but still toss up and down:  
here I can sleep, a saddle to my pillow,  
A hedge the curtain, Canopy a Willow.  
There if a child but cry, oh what a spite!  
here we can brook three larums in one night,  
There homely rooms, must be perfumed with roses:  
here match and powder ne're offends our noses.  
There from a storm of rain we run like Pullets,  
here we stand fast against a shower of bullets.  
Lo then how greatly their opinions err,  
That think there is no great delight in war:  
But yet for this( sweet war) Ile be thy debtor,  
I shall for ever love my home the better,    


Of Women learned in the Tongues.  
YOu wished me to a wife, faire, rich and young,  
That had the latin, French and Spanish tongue.  
I thanked and  told you I desired none such,  
And said, One Language may be tongue too much.  
Then love I not the Iearned? yes as my life;  
A learned mistris, not a learned wife.    


The Author to his Wife, of the twelve signs, how they govern.  
mark here( my Mall) how in this dozen lines,  
Thus placed are the twelve celestial signs:  
And first the Ram bears rule in head and face,  
The stiffe-neckt Bull in neck doth hold his place:  
And Twins mine arms and hands do both embrace.  
Then Cancer keeps the small ribs and the breast,  
And lo back and heart hath ay possessed.  
Then Virgo claims the entrails and the paunch,  
Libra the navel, reins and either haunch.  
scorpion pretends power in the privy parts.  
Both thighs are pierced with Sagitaries darts,  
Then Capricorn to knees his force doth sand.  
Aquarius doth to legs his virtue lend.  
Pisces beneath unto the feet descend.  
Thus each part is possessed; now tell me, Mall,  
Where lies thy part? in which of these? in all.  
In all? content. Yet sure thou art more jealous  
Of Leo's part and Scorpio's, then their fellowes.    


Against Swearing.  
IN elder times an ancient custom was,  
To swear in weighty matters by the mass.  
But when the mass went down( as old men note)  
They swore then, by the cross of this same groat.  
And when the cross was likewise held in scorn,  
Then by their faith, the common oath was sworn.  
Last having sworn away all faith and troth,  
Only God dam'n them is their common oath.  
Thus custom kept decorum by gradation,  
That losing mass, cross, Faith, they find damnation.    


Of little Pitty.  
WHen noble Essex, blunt and danvers died,  
One saw them suffer that had heard thē tried:  
And sighing, said; When such brave souldiers die,  
Is't not great pitty think you? no, said I:  
There is no man of sense in all the city,  
Will say, 'tis great, but rather little pitty.    


A question of Lazarus soul, well answered.  
ONce on occasion two good friends of mine  
Did meet at meat, a Lawyer and divine;  
Both having eaten well, to help digestion,  
To the divine, the Lawyer put this question:  
When Lazarus in grave four daies did stay,  
Where was his soul? in heaven or hell? I pray;  
Was it in hell? thence no redemption is,  
And if in heaven, would Christ abate his bliss?  
Sir( said the Preacher) for a short digression,  
First answer me one point of your profession.  
If Lazarus and his son had fallen to strife,  
Whose was the land when he came back to life?  
This later question moved them al to laughter:  
And so they drank one to another after.    


Of the games that haue been in request at the Court.  
I Heard one make a pretty observation,  
How games haue in the Court turned with the fashion,  
The first game was the best, when free from crime,  
The Courtly gamesters all were in their Prime:  
The second game was Post, until with posting  
They paid so fast, 'twas time to leave their boasting.  
Then thirdly followed heaving of the Maw,  
A game without civility or Law,  
An odious play, and yet in Court oft seen,  
A saucy knave to trump both King and queen.  
Then followed Lodam, hand to hand or quarter,  
At which some maids so ill did keep the quarter,  
That unexpected, in a short abode  
They could not cleanly bear away their load.  
Now Nody followed next, as well it might,  
Although it should haue gone before of right.  
At which I saw, I name not any body,  
One never had the knave, yet laid for Nody.  
The last game now in use is Bankerout,  
Which will be played at still, I stand in doubt,  
until Lauolta turn the wheel of time,  
And make it come about again to Prime.    


The Author to queen Elizabeth in praise of her reading.  
FOr ever dear, for ever dreaded Prince,  
You red a verse of mine a little since,  
And so pronounst each word and every letter,  
Your Gracious reading graced my verse the better.  
Sith then your Highnes doth by gift exceeding,  
Make what you red, the better in your reading,  
Let my poor muse your pains thus far importune,  
To leave to red my verse, and red my fortune.    


Of King Henries wooing.  
unto a stately great outlandish dame,  
A Messenger from our King Henry came,  
( Henry of famous memory the eight)  
To treat with her in matter of great weight;  
As namely, how the King did seek her marriage,  
Because of her great virtue and good carriage.  
She( that had heard the King loved change of pasture)  
replied, I humbly thank the King your Master,  
And would,( such love his famed in me hath bread,)  
My body venture so, but not my head.    


Two witty answers of Bishop Bonner.  
BOnner, that late had Bishop been of London,  
Was bid by one, Good morrow Bishop quondam:  
He with the scoff no whit put out of temper,  
replied incontinent, Adieu knave Semper.  
Another in such kind of scoffing speeches,  
Would beg his tippet, needs, to line his breeches.  
Not so( quoth he) but it may be thy hap,  
To haue a foolish head to line thy cap.    


Of linus borrowing.  
linus came late to me six crownes to borrow,  
And swore God damn him, he'd repai't to morrow.  
I knew his word as current as his band,  
And strait I gave to him three crownes in hand;  
This I to give, this he to take was willing,  
And thus he gained, and I saved fifteen shilling.    


A good answer of the Poet daunt to an Atheist.  
THe pleasant learned Italian Poet daunt,  
Hearing an Atheist at the Scriptures iest,  
asked him in iest which was the greatest beast?  
He simply said; he thought an Elephant.  
Then Elephant( quoth daunt) it were commodious,  
That thou wouldst hold thy peace, or get thee hence,  
Breeding our Conscience scandal and offence  
With thy profaned speech, most vile and odious.  
Oh Italy, thou breedst but few such Dants,  
I would our England bread no Elephants.    


Of Quintus alms.  
WHen Quintus walketh out into the street,  
As soon as with some beggar he doth meet,  
Ere that poor soul to ask his alms hath leisure,  
He first doth chafe& swear beyond all measure,  
And for the Beadle all about he sends,  
To bear him to Bride-well, so he pretends.  
The beggar quickly out of sight doth go,  
Full glad in heart he hath escaped so.  
Then Quintus laughs, and thinks it is less charges,  
To swear an oath or two, then give a largesse.    


Of Marcus his drunken feasting.  
WHen Marcus makes( as oft he doth) a feast,  
The wine stil costs him more thē all the rest.  
Were water in this town as dear as hay,  
His horses should not long at livery stay.  
But tell me, is 't not a most foolish trick,  
To drink to others healths till thou be sick?  
Yet such the fashion is of Bacchus crew,  
To quaff and bowze, until they belch and spew.  
Well, leave it Marcus, else thy drinking health,  
Will prove an eating to thy wit and wealth.    


Of kissing the cheek.  
Is't for a grace? or is't for some dislike?  
When others kiss with lip you give the cheek;  
Some note it for a pride in your behaviour:  
But I would rather take it for a favour;  
For I to know my kindness and my love,  
Will leave both lip and cheek, to kiss your glove.  
If with my reason you would be acquainted,  
Your glou's perfumed, your lip and cheek are painted.    


Of kissing the foot.  
A Courtier, kind in speech, cursed in condition,  
Finding his fault could be no longer hidden,  
Went to his friend to clear his hard suspicion,  
And fearing lest he might be more then chidden,  
Fell to a flattering and most base submission,  
Vowing to kiss his foot, if he were bidden.  
My foot?( said he) that were too submiss:  
But three foot higher you deserve to kiss.    


Of a saucy Cator.  
A Cator had of late some wild foul bought,  
And when unto his Master them he brought,  
Forthwith the Master smelling nigh the rump,  
Said, Out, thou knave, these savour of the pump.  
The man( that was a rude and saucy lout)  
What sir, said he, smell you them thereabout?  
smell your faire Lady there, and by your favor,  
You fortune may meet with a fulsome favor.    


Of a certain Man.  
THere was( not certain when) a certain preacher,  
That never learned, and yet became a Teacher,  
Who having red in Latin thus a text  
Of erat quidam homo, much perplexed,  
He seemed the same with study great to scan  
In English thus; there was a certain man.  
But now( quoth he) good people, note you this,  
He saith there was, he doth not say there is:  
For in these daies of ours, it is most certain,  
Of promise, oath, word, dead, no man is certain:  
Yet by my text you see it comes to pass,  
That surely once a certain man there was.  
But yet I think, in all your Bible no man  
Can find this text; there was a certain woman.    


Of Lesbia.  
OLd widow Lesbia, after husbands five,  
Yet feeleth Cupids flames in her revive.  
And now she takes a gallant youth& trim.  
Alas for her, nay, nay, alas for him.    


The horn Cinque-apace.  
WHo wishes, hopes, and thinks, his wife is true  
To him one horn, or unicorn is due.  
Who sees his wife play false,& will not spy it,  
He hath two horns, and yet he may deny it.  
The man that can endure when all men scorn,  
And pardon open faults, hath triple horn;  
Who brings fine Courtiers oft to see his bride,  
He hath one pair of horns on either side.  
But he that swears he did so happy wiue,  
He can be none of these, let him haue five.    


Of cursing Cuckolds.  
A Lord that talked late in way of scorn,  
Of some that ware invisibly the horn,  
Said he could wish, and did( as for his part)  
All Cuckolds in the Thames, with all his heart.  
But strait a pleasant Knight replied to him,  
I hope your Lordship learned hath to swim.    


Of the pillars of the Church.  
IN old time they were the Churches pillars,  
That did excel in Learning and in piety,  
And were to youth examples of sobriety,  
Of Christs faire field the true and painful tilers:  
But where are now the men of that society?  
Are all those tilers dead? those pillars broken?  
No, God forbid such blasphemy be spoken;  
I say, to stop the mouths of all ill willers,  
Gods field hath harrowers still, his Church hath pillars.    


Of Exchange.  
OLd Caius sold a wench, to buy a bark.  
Young Titus gave the ship, to haue the slut.  
Who makes the better mart, now let us mark,  
T'one goes to rove, the tother goes to rut.    


Of Lesbias kissing craft.  
LEsbia with study found a means in th'end,  
In presence of her Lord to kiss her friend,  
Each of them kist by turns a little Whelp,  
Transporting kisses thus by puppies help.  
And so her good old Lord she did beguile,  
Was not my Lord a puppy all the while?    


Of six sorts of Fasters.  
six sorts of folks I find use fasting daies, 
Abstinet.   
But of these six, the sixth I onely praise.  
The sick man fasts, 
Aeger.  because he cannot eat.  
The poor doth fast, 
Egens. Cupidus. Gula.  because he hath no meat.  
The miser fasts, with mind to mend his store.  
The glutton, with intent to eat the more.  
The hypocrite, 
Simia. Virtus.  thereby to seem more holy.  
The virtuous, to prevent or punish folly.  
Now he that eateth fast, and drinks as fast,  
May match these fasters, any, but the last.    


Of Cinna.  
PVre Sinna gets his wife a maiden cook  
With read cheeks, yellow locks,& cheerful look.  
What might he mean hereby? I hold my life,  
She dresseth flesh for him, not for his wife.    


Of one that took thought for his wife.  
NO sooner Cinna's wife was dead and butted,  
But that with mourning much,& sorrow wearied,  
A Maid, a seruant of his wives he wedded,  
And after he had boarded her and bedded,  
And in her mistress room had fully placed her,  
His wives old seruant waxed his new Master.    


A rule for Play.  
LAy down your stake at play, lay down your passion:  
A greedy gamester stil hath some mishap.  
To chafe at play, proceeds of foolish fashion.  
No man throws still the dice in fortunes lap.    


Of a drunken Tobacconist.  
WHen Marcus hath carrowst March beer and sack,  
And that his brains grow dizzy therewithal,  
Then of Tobacco he a pipe doth lack,  
Of Trinidade in cane, in leaf, or ball,  
Which tane a little, he doth spit and smack,  
Then lays him on his bed for fear to fall,  
And poor Tobacco bears the name of all.  
But that same pipe which Marcus brain did lad,  
Was of Medera, not of Trinidade.    


Tristis es& foelix, sciat hoc fortuna. Caueto. To a Lady.  
FRoward yet fortunate? if fortune knew it,  
Beleeue me, Madam, she would make you rue it.    


The Author to his Wife.  
WHen I to thee my letters superscribe,  
Thus, To mine own: Leda thereat doth gibe,  
And ask her why? she saith because I flatter:  
But let her think so still, it makes no matter.  
If I do flatter, only thou canst try,  
It me contents, to think I do not lie.  
But let her husband writ so, for my life,  
He flattereth himself more then his wife.    


A Salisbury tale.  
FAire Sarum's Church, beside the stately tower,  
Hath many things in number aptly sorted,  
Answering the year, the month, week, day and hour,  
But above all( as I haue heard reported,  
And to the view doth probably appear)  
A pillar for each hour in all the year.  
Further, this Church of Sarum hath been found,  
To keep in singing service so good form,  
That most Cathedral Churches haue been bound,  
themselves ad vsum Sarum to conform:  
I am no Cabalist to judge by number,  
Yet that this Church is so with pillars filled,  
It seems to me to be the lesser wonder,  
That Sarums Church is every hour pilld.  
And sith the rest are bound to Sarums use,  
What marvell if they taste of like abuse?    


How the devill cares Triers.  
THe Germans haue a by-word at this hour,  
In Tabliture by Painters skill expressed,  
That satan daily friars doth devour,  
Which in short time he doth so well digest,  
That passing down to his posterior parts,  
He souldiers thence unto the world delivers,  
And forth they come all armed with pikes and darts,  
With halberts, swords, and muskets and Calieuers:  
According to which Lutheran opinions,  
They that devour whole Churches and their rents,  
I mean these favourites and courtly minions,  
void sorts and castles in their excrements.    


Of a blind lecher.  
OF all this town, old Codrus gives most credit,  
Who he? alas poor soul that ere you said it.  
What credit can he give that is so poor?  
he's blind, yet makes he love to every whore.    


Of a faire Shrew.  
FAire, rich, and young? how rare is her perfection,  
Were it not mingled with one foul infection?  
I mean, so proud a hart, so cursed a tongue,  
As makes her seem, nor faire, nor rich, nor young.    


A Stratagem of a Tobacco pipe.  
unto a gentle Gentlewomans chamber,  
A pedlar came( her husband being thence)  
To sell fine linen, lawn, and musk, and amber;  
She frank of favour, sparing of expense,  
So bargained with him ere he partend thence;  
That for ten yards of holland, five of lawn,  
To grant dishonest pleasures she was drawn.  
Next day the man, repenting of his cost,  
Did seek some means to get him restitution,  
Or to be paid for that he there had lost.  
And thus he put the same in execution,  
He turns to her with settled resolution,  
And in her husbands presence unawares,  
He asketh fifty shillings for his wears.  
Her husband( ignorant what cause had bread it)  
Why wife, said he, had you so spent your store,  
You must with petty chapmen run on credit?  
Now for mine honours sake do so no more.  
No sir( said she) I meant it to restore:  
I took it of him only for a trial,  
And find it too high prized by a tyall.  
So never changing countenance she doth rise,  
With outward silence, inward anger choking,  
And going to her closet, she espies  
Tobacco in a Pipe yet newly smoking,  
She takes the pipe, her anger her proucking,  
And laps it in the linen, coming back,  
And so the pedlar puts it in his pack,  
And packs away, and joys that with this wile,  
He had regained his stuff, yet gained his pleasure,  
But having walked scarcely half a mile,  
His pack did smoke, and smell so out of measure,  
That opening it, unto his deep displeasure,  
He found by that Tobacco pipe too late,  
The fiery force of feeble female hate.  
And seeking then some remedy by laws,  
unto a neighbour-Iustice he complains.  
But when the Iustice understood the cause,  
In her examination taking pains,  
He found 'twas but a fetch of womens brains:  
The cause dismissed, he bids the man beware,  
To deal with women that can burn his ware.    


Of Gods part.  
ONe that had farmed a fat Impropriation,  
used to his neighbours often exhortation,  
To pay to him the tithes and profits duly,  
Affirming( as he might affirm most truly)  
How that the tithes are God Almighties part,  
And therefore they should pay't with all their heart,  
But strait replied one among the rest,  
( One that had crost him oft, but never blessed.)  
It is Gods part indeed, whose goodness gave it;  
But yet oft times we see the devill haue it.    


Of Lalus simoniacal horse-coursing.  
PVre Lalus got a bnfice of late,  
Without offence of people, Church, or State;  
Yea but ask echo how he did come by it,  
Come buy it? no with oaths he will deny it.  
He nothing gave direct, or indirectly.  
Fie, Lalus, now you tell us a direct lie:  
Did not your Patron for an hundred pound,  
Sell you a horse was neither young nor sound,  
No turk, no Courser, Barbary, nor Iennit?  
Simony? no, but I see money in it.  
Well, if it were but so, the case is clear;  
The bnfice was cheap, the horse was deere.   

An addition to the same Epigram.  
PEter for Westminster, and Paul for London,  
Lament, for both your Churches will be undone,  
If Smithfield find a fetch forth of a stable,  
laws to delude, and Lords of council table.    


The same in Latin by the Author.  
NEc populo infenso, nec ruptis legibus vllis,  
Lelus noster habet pingue sacerdotium,  
Unde said hoc vênit, vaenit tibi personet echo,  
echo, mi sodes, dicito an êmit, emit.  
Ilia ducentem, fractumque: senilibus annis  
Illi patronus vendit avarus equum,  
Aurea pro vetulo dat bis centena caballo,  
cvi nec Turca pater, nec patria Italia est:  
Ergo sacerdotium Regina pecunia donat,  
Magno equitat precio, praedicat exiguo.   

Addicio.  
Iam vos templorum properam sperate ruinam,  
Et tu Petre tui, tu quoque, paul, tui  
Sordida fabrili si nata astutia campo,  
Legibus& sanctis patribus imposuit.    


Of a lawful Wife.  
AT end of three yeers suit of Law& strife,  
When Cannon Laws& common both command her,  
Sue wedded thee, now sue them for a slander,  
That dare deny she is thy lawful wife.    


Of a book called the Gentle Craft.  
I Past this other day through Pauls Church-yard,  
And heard some red a book, and reading laughed,  
The title of the book was gentle Craft.  
But when I marked the matter with regard,  
A new-sprung branch that in my mind did graft,  
And thus I said, Sirs, scorn not him that writ it:  
A gilded blade hath oft a dudgeon haft,  
And well I see, this writer roues a shaft  
near fairest mark, yet happily not hit it.  
For never was the like book sold in Poules,  
If so with Gentle craft it could persuade  
Great Princes midst their pomp to learn a trade,  
Once in their lives to work, to mend their souls.    


Of bag and baggage.  
A Man appointed, vpon loss of life,  
With bag and baggage at a time assigned,  
To part a town; his foul unwieldy wife  
Desired him that she might stay behind.  
Nay( quoth the man) Ile never be so kind,  
As venture life, for such an ugly hag  
That looks both like a baggage and a bag.    


Of a Womans kindness to her Husband.  
ONe that had lived long by lewdest shifts,  
Brought to the Court that corn from cockle sifts,  
star-chamber that of Iustice is the mirror,  
Was senten'st there, and for the greater terror,  
Adiudged, first to lie a year in fetters,  
Then burned in his forehead with two letters,  
And to disparaged him with more disgrace,  
To slit his nose, the figure of his face.  
The prisoners wife with no dishonest mind,  
To show herself unto her husband kind,  
Sued humbly to the Lords, and would not cease,  
Some part of this sharp rigour to release.  
He was a man( she said) had served in war,  
What mercy would a Souldiers face so mar?  
Thus much said she, but gravely they replied,  
It was great mercy that he thus was tried:  
His crimes deserve he should haue lost his life,  
And hang in chains. Alas, replied the wife,  
If you disgrace him thus, you quiter undo him,  
Good my Lords hang him, pray be good unto him.    


Of Don Pedro.  
DOn Pedro never dines without read Deere;  
If read Deere be his guests, grass is his cheer.  
I but I mean, he hath it in his dish,  
And so haue I oft what I do not wish.    


The Author to his Wife.  
MAll, once in pleasant company by chance,  
I wished that you for company would dance,  
Which you refused,& said, your years require  
Now, Matron-like, both manners and attire.  
Well Mall, if needs thou wilt be Matron-like,  
Then trust to this, I will a Matron like:  
Yet so to you my love may never lessen,  
As you for Church, house, bed, observe this lesson.  
Sit in the Church as solemn as a Saint,  
No dead, word, thought, your due devotion taint.  
vail( if you will) your head, your soul reveal  
To him, that onely wounded souls can heal.  
Be in my house as busy as a Bee,  
having a sting for every one but me,  
Buzzing in every corner, gathering hony.  
Let nothing waste, that costs or yeeldeth money.  
And when thou seest my heart to mirth incline,  
The tongue, wit, blood, warm with good cheer& wine:  
Then of sweet sports let no occasion scape,  
But be as wanton, toying as an ape.    


Of Lelia.  
WHen lovely Lelia was a tender girl,  
She happed to be deflowered by an earl;  
Alas poor wench, she was to be excused,  
Such kindness oft is offered, seeld refused.  
But be not proud; for she that is no countess,  
And yet lies with a Count, must make account this,  
All Countesses in honour her surmount,  
They haue, she had, an honourable Count.    


Of a drunken Smith.  
I Heard that Smug the Smith, for ale and spice  
Sold all his tools, and yet he kept his 'vice.    


Of linus borrowing.  
WHen linus meets me, after salutations,  
courtesies, compliments, and gratulations,  
He presseth me unto the third denial,  
To lend him twenty shillings, or a ryall:  
But with his curt'sies of his purpose failing,  
He goes behind my back cursing and railing.  
fool, thy kind speeches cost not thee a penny,  
And more fool I, if they should cost me envy.    


Of Don Pedro.  
THe wise Ulisses loathing foreign jars,  
Faign'd himself mad, to keep him from the wars:  
But our Don Pedro sees our Martiall schools,  
prefer, before Wise cowards, Valiant fools:  
And fearing feigning mad will not suffice,  
To keep him from the warres, feignes himself wise.    


Of a cuckolded that had a chast wife.  
WHen the Triumuirs set their three mans song  
That established in Rome a hellish Trinity,  
Who all the town, nay all the world did wrong,  
With killing friends, and kin of their affinity,  
By Tripartite Indenture parting Rome,  
As if for them the world had wanted room:  
Plotina, Wife to one of that same hundred,  
Whom Anthony proscribed to lose their life,  
For beauty much, for love to be more wondered,  
Sued for her spouse, and  told she was his wife.  
The Tyrant pleased to see so brave a futer,  
Doth kiss her, and embrace her, and salute her,  
And makes,( nay mocks) a love too kind, too cruel,  
She must, to save her husband from proscription,  
grant him one night, to wear his chiefest jewel,  
And what he meant, he showd by lewd description,  
Vowing, except he might his pleasure haue,  
No means should serve, her husbands life to save.  
Oh motion moving thoughts, no thoughts, but thorns!  
For he must die whom she esteems most dearly,  
Or she herself subject to thousand scorns;  
Both fears to touch a noble matron nearly.  
Yet lo, an act performed by this woman,  
Worthy a woman, worthy more a Roman.  
To show more then herself, she loved her spouse,  
She yields her body to this execution.  
Come, tyrant, come, perform thy damned vows;  
Her single hart hath doubled thy pollution;  
Thou her pollute? no fool, thou art beguiled,  
She in thy filthy lap lies undefiled.  
Wonder of Matrons, of all wives a mirror,  
Ile swear with thee, thy husband wears no horn.  
But if this act convince mine oath of error,  
It is a precious one, an unicorn.  
For ought I know by hearing, or by reading,  
This act Lucretia's death was far exceeding.    


Of Friendship.  
NEw friends are no friends; how can that be true?  
The oldest friends that are, were sometimes new.    


Of Caius increase in his absence.  
WHile Caius doth remain beyond the seas,  
And follows there some great important suit  
His lands bare neither oats, nor beans, nor pease,  
But yet his wife bears faire and full grown fruit.  
What is the cause that brings his lands sterility,  
And his wives fruitfulness and great fertility?  
His lands want occupiers to manure them,  
But she hath store, and knows how to procure them.    


Of a toothless Shrew.  
OLd Ellen had four teeth, as I remember,  
She cough't out two of thē the last December;  
But this shrewd cough in her raignd so unruly,  
She cought out tother two before twas july.  
Now she may cough her heart out, for in soothe,  
The said shrewd cough hath left her ne're a tooth.  
But her cursed tongue, wanting this common curb,  
Doth more then erst the household all disturb.    


To Doctor sharp.  
LAte I took leave of two right noble dames,  
And hasted to my wife as I protested:  
You willed me stay a while, and thus you lested:  
You Sir, may please your Wife with Epigrams.  
Well said, twas Doctor-like, and sharply spoken,  
No friendship breaks, where jests so smooth are broken.  
But now you haue new orders tane of late,  
Those orders, which( as you expound Saint Paul)  
Are equal honourable unto all;  
I mean of marriage the holy state,  
I hope in Lent, when flesh grows out of date,  
You will, in stead of tother recreation,  
Be glad to please your wife with some Collation.    


Of the Papists Feasts, and the Brownists Fasts.  
A Papist dwelling to a Brownist near,  
Their seruants met, and vaunted of their cheer.  
And first, the Papists man did make his boast,  
He had each festival both baked and roast,  
And where( said he) your zealous sort allow,  
On christmas day itself to go to plow,  
We feast, and play, and walk, and talk, and slumber,  
Besides, our holy daies are more in number:  
As namely, we do keep with great festivity,  
Our Ladies, both assumption and nativity;  
S. Pauls conversion, S. Iohns decollation,  
S. laurence broyld, S. Swithens moist translation,  
S. Peters chains, and how with Angels vision  
He broke the prison, quiter without misprision.  
I grant, the tother said, you seem more gainesome,  
But for your sport, you pay too dear a ransom.  
We like your feasts, your fastings bread our grieves,  
Your Lents, your Ember weekes and holy Eeues.  
But this coniunction I should greatly praise,  
The Brownists fasts, with Papists holy daies.    


Of Milo the Glutton.  
MIlo with hast to cram his greedy gut,  
One of his thumbs unto the bone had cut.  
Then strait, it noised was about by some,  
That he had lost his stomach with his thumb.  
To which one said, No worse hap fall unto him:  
But if a poor man find it, t'will undo him.    


To a Wittoll Broker.  
I See thee fell swords, pistols, cloaks, and gowns,  
Doublets and hose, and they that pay thee crownes,  
do as tis reason, bear away thy ware,  
Which to supply, is thy continual care.  
But thy wives ware, a better rate doth hold,  
Which though it be to diuers daily sold,  
Yet lasteth all the year, and doth not finish,  
Nor doth the same ought lessen or diminish.    


Of Fortune.  
FOrtune( men say) doth give too much to many:  
But yet she never gave enough to any.    


Of devotion and promotion.  
I Met a Lawyer at the Court this Lent,  
And asking what great cause him thither sent,  
He said, that moved with Doctor Androes famed,  
To hear him preach, he only thither came:  
But strait I wished him softly in his ear,  
To find some other scuse, else some will swear,  
Who to the Court come onely for devotion,  
They in the Church pray only for promotion.    


A good iest of a Crow.  
A Baron, and a Knight, one day were walking  
On Richmond green, and as they were in talking,  
A Crow, that lighted on the rail by Fortune,  
Stood beeking, and cried kaw with noise importune.  
This bide, the Baron said, doth you salute,  
Sir Knight, as if to you he had some suit.  
Not unto me, the Knight replied in pleasance,  
Tis to some Lord he makes so low obeisance.    


Of a painted Lady.  
I Saw dame Leda's picture lately drawn,  
With haue about her cares, transparent lawn,  
Her ivory paps, and every other part,  
So lim'd unto the life, by Painters art,  
That I that had been long with her acquainted,  
Did think that both were quick, or both were painted.    


Of Galla's gallantry.  
WHat is the cause our Galla is so gallant,  
Like ship in fairest wind, top& top gallant?  
Hath shee of late been courted by some Gallant?  
No sure, how then? Galla hath quaft a gallon.    


In Cornutum.  
A Thais? no, Diana thou didst wed:  
For she hath given to thee Acteons head.    


The Author of himself.  
BEcause in this myself contenting vain,  
To writ so many toys, I take some leisure,  
Friends sorrow, fearing I take too much pain,  
Foes envy, swearing I take too much pleasure:  
I smile at both, and wish, to ease their grief,  
That each with other would but change belief.    


Of Swearing first.  
CIS, by this Candle, in my sleep me-thought,  
One  told me, of thy body thou wert nought.  
Good husband, he that  told you lied, she said,  
And swearing, laid her hand vpon the bread.  
Then eat the bread( quoth he) that I may deem  
That fancy false, which true to me did seem.  
Nay sir( said she) the matter right to handle,  
Sith you swore first, you first must eat the candle.    


Of Paulus a Flatterer.  
NO man more servile, no man more submiss,  
Then to our sovereign Lady Paulus is.  
He doth extol her speech, admire her feature,  
He calls himself her vassal, and her creature;  
Thus while he daubs his speech with flatteries plaster,  
And calls himself her slave, he grows our Master.  
Still getting what he list without control,  
By singing this old song, re mi fa sol.    


Of linus an ill guest.  
ask you what profit Kew to me doth yield?  
This linus, there I shall see thee but seeld;  
For where good guests may take a cottage grateful;  
There such as thou do make a palace hateful.    


Against pus Quintus, that excommunicated queen Elizabeth.  
ARe Kings your Foster Fathers, queens your nurses,  
Oh Roman Church? Then why did pus Quintus  
With Basan bulls( not like one pus intus)  
Lay on our sacred Prince unhallowed curses?  
It is not health of souls, but wealth of purses  
You seek, by such your hell denouncing threats,  
Oppugning with your chair, our Princes seats,  
Disturbing our sweet peace; and that which worse is,  
You suck out blood, and bite your nurses teats.  
learn, learn, to ask your milk, for if you snatch it,  
The nurse must sand your babes pap with a hatchet.    


Of finding a here.  
A Gallant full of life, and voided of ear,  
Asked his friend if he would find a hare?  
He that for sleep, more then such sports did care,  
Said, go your ways, and leave me here alone;  
Let them find hares that lost them, I lost none.    


Of Merit, and Demerit.  
A Knight, and valiant servitor of late,  
Playn'd to a Lord and Countellor of state,  
That Captaines in these daies were not regarded,  
That onely Carpet Knights were well rewarded.  
For I, saith he, with all my hurts and maims,  
Get not the recompense my merit claims.  
Good cousin( said the Lord) the fault is yours,  
Which you impute unto the higher powers.  
For where you should in Pater noster pray,  
give unto us, our daily bread to day;  
Your misdemeanours this petition needs,  
Our trespasses forgive us, and mis-deeds.    


Of Paying.  
A captain late arrived from loss of sluice,  
Hearing a friend of mine did him abuse,  
vowed he would pay him, when he met him next:  
Whereat my friend doth seem no whit perplexed,  
But praies the promise fail not of fulfilling,  
For three yeeres past, he lent him forty shilling.    


Of Faustus Esquire.  
FAustus, for taking of a wrong possession,  
Was by a Iustice bound unto the Session:  
The crier the recognisance doth call,  
Faustus Esquire, come forth into the Hall.  
Out( said the judge) on all such foolish criers.  
devils are Carpenters, where such are squires.    


Of Peleus friendship.  
WHen Peleus is brought up to London streets,  
By process first to answer weighty suits,  
Oh then how kind he is to all he meets!  
How friendly by their names he them salutes!  
Then one shall haue a Colt of his best race,  
Another gets a warrant for a buck:  
Some deeper bribed, according as their place  
May serve his turn, to work or wish good lucke.  
But when his troubles all to end are brought  
By time, or friendly pains on his behalf,  
Then strait( as if he set us all at nought)  
His kindness is not now so much by half.  
Sith then his suits in Law his friendship doubles,  
I for his friendships sake could wish him troubles.    


Of enclosing a Common.  
A Lord, that purposed for his more avail,  
To compass in a Common with a rail,  
Was reckoning with his friend about the cost  
And charge of every rule, and every post:  
But he( that wished his greedy humour crost)  
Said, Sir, provide you posts, and without failing,  
Your neighbours round about will find you railing.    


The Author to his Wife of too much stomach.  
LAte having been a fishing at the ford,  
And bringing home with me my dish of Trouts,  
Your mind that while, did cast some causeless doubts:  
For while that meat was set vpon the board,  
You sullen silent, fed yourself with powts.  
I twice sent for you, but you sent me word,  
How that you had no stomach to your meat.  
Well I feared more, your stomach was too great.    


Awitty choice of a country fellow.  
A Rich Lord had a poor Lout to his guest,  
And having sumptuous fare, and costly dressed,  
carved him a wing of a most dainty bide;  
Affirming seriously vpon his word,  
Those birds were sent him from his loving cousin,  
And were well worthy twenty marks a dozen.  
He that for such great dainties did not care,  
Said, I like well your Lordships courser fare:  
For I can eat your beef, big, Goose and coney.  
But of such fare, give me my share in money.    


To a great Magistrate, in Re and in Spe.  
THose that for Princes goods do take some pain  
( Their goods to whom of right all pains we owe)  
seek some reward for service good to gain,  
Which oft their gracious goodness doth bestow:  
I for my travell, beg not a reward,  
I beg less by a syllable, a Ward.    


A comparison of a book, with Cheese.  
OLd Haywood writes,& proves in some degrees,  
That one may well compare a book with cheese;  
At every market some buy cheese to feed on,  
At every mart some men buy books to reed on.  
All sorts eat cheese; but how? there is the question,  
The poor for food, the rich for good digestion.  
All sorts red books, but why? will you discern?  
The fool to laugh, the wiser sort to learn.  
The sight, taste, sent of cheese to some is hateful,  
The sight, taste, sense of books to som's ungrateful.  
No cheese there was, that ever pleased all feeders,  
No book there is, that ever liked all readers.    


In Balbum.  
BAlbus, of writers reckoning up a rabble,  
Thinks that they are by him made honourable:  
And not vouchsafing me to name at all,  
He thinks that he hath grieved me to the gull.  
I galld? no, simplo fellow, thou art gulled,  
To think I weigh the praise of such a dull-head.  
Then learn to know this rule, ye envious elves,  
books are not praised, except they praise themselves.    


To beggars of books.  
MY friend, you press me very hard,  
my books of me you crave;  
I haue none, but in Pauls Church-yard,  
for money you may haue.  
But why should I my coin bestow,  
such toys as these to buy?  
I am not such a fool I trow:  
forsooth no more am I.    


In Paulum Athaium.  
PRoud Paulus lead by Sadduces infection,  
Doth not beleeue the bodies resurrection,  
But holds them all in scorn and deep derision,  
That talk of Saints or Angels apparition,  
And saith they are but fables all, and fancies  
Of lunatics or folks possessed with frenzies.  
I haue( saith he) trauelld both near and far,  
By land, by sea, in time of peace and war,  
Yet never met I spirit, or ghost, or elf,  
Or ought( as is the phrase) worse then myself.  
Well, Paulus, this I now beleeue indeed,  
That who in all, or part, denies his Creed;  
Went he to sea, land, hell, I would agree,  
A Fiend worse then himself, he could not see.    


Of double Fraud.  
A Fellow false, and to all fraud enured,  
In high star-chamber court was found perjured,  
And by just sentence judged to lose his ears:  
A doom right fit for him that falsely swears.  
Now on the pillory while he was pearching,  
The jailer busy for his ears was searching:  
But all in vain, for there was not an ear,  
Onely the places hide with locks of hair.  
Thou knave, said he, I will of thee complain  
unto the Lords, for cousonage again.  
Why so, said he? their order me doth bind  
To lose mine ears, not you mine ears to find.    


The Hermapbrodite translated into English.  
WHen first my mother bare me in her womb,  
She went to make enquiry of the Gods,  
First of my birth, and after of my tomb:  
All answered right, but all their words had odds.  
Phoebus affirmed, a male child should be born,  
Mars said, it should be female, juno neither.  
Then I came forth, alas, to natures scorn,  
Hermaphrodite, as much as both together.  
Then for my death, juno foretold the sword,  
Phoebus affirmed drowning for my fate:  
Mars threatened hanging, each performed his word,  
As mark how all fell out in feuerall rate.  
A three fast by a brook I needs would climb,  
My sword fell out, and while no heed I took,  
My side fell on the point, and at that time  
My foot in boughs, my head hung in the brook.  
So I being born, nor male, nor female neither,  
Died drowned, and hanged and wounded all together.    


Of Titus a good fellow.  
A boon companion Titus all his daies,  
And till his last, of pleasant wit and tongue,  
If he had heard a man his own strength praise,  
Would tell what he would do when he was young.  
And having first, with oaths his speeches bound,  
Thus would he speak; I would at twelve score pricks  
Haue shot all day an arrow of a pound,  
And shot the flight full forty score and six.  
I would haue ouerlifted all the Guard,  
Out-throwne them at the bar, the sledge, the ston,  
And him that is in wrestling held most hard,  
I would in open fields haue overthrown.  
Then say some by, Was Titus ere so strong?  
Who he? the weakest man hundreds among;  
Why tells he then such lies in serious sort,  
What he could do? nay sure, tis true, though sport:  
He saith not, that he could do; that were a fable:  
He saith, he would haue done, had he been able.   

The Author to his Wife.  
YOur maid Brunetta you with news acquaints,  
How Leda,( whom, her husband wanting issue,  
Brought erst to Bath, our pilgrimage of Saints)  
wears her gown velvet, kirtle, cloth of tissue,  
A figured satin petticoat Carnation,  
With six gold parchment laces all in fashion,  
Yet never was Dame Leda nobler born,  
Nor drank in Gossips cup by Sou'eraigne sent,  
Nor ever was her Highnes woman sworn,  
Nor doth her husband much exceed in rent.  
Then Mall, be proud, that thou mayst better wear them.  
And I more proud, thou better dost forbear them.    


Of Soothsaying.  
MIght Kings shun future mischief by foretelling,  
Then amongst Soothsayers 'twere excellent dwelling:  
But if there be no means such harms repelling,  
The knowledge makes the sorrow more excelling.  
But this, dear sovereign, me comfort doth,  
That of these gainsayer, very few say soothe.    


Of too high commendation in a mean person.  
A scholar once, to win his mistress love,  
compared her to three Goddesses above,  
And said she had( to give her due deserts)  
Iuno's, Minerua's, and faire Venus parts.  
juno so proud, and cursed was of her tongue,  
All men misliked her both old and young.  
Pallas so foul, and grim was out of measure,  
That neither gods nor men in her took pleasure.  
Venus vnchast, that she strong Mars entises,  
With young Adonis, and with old Anchises.  
How think you, are these praises few or mean,  
Compared to a shrow, a slut, or quean?    


To a Lady that saith she is sure to be saved.  
SInce Leda knew that sure she was elected,  
She wears rich clothes, fares well, and makes her boast  
Her corps the Temple of the holy Ghost,  
Must be more cherished, and more respected:  
But Leda liveth still to sin subjecteth.  
Then tell her that her ghostly Father fears,  
unless she get a mind of more submission,  
And purge those corps with hyssop of contrition,  
And wash her sinful soul with brinish tears,  
Though quails she eat, though gold& peatls she wears,  
Yet sure she doth not with damned Core and Dathan,  
But feed, and clad a Synagogue of satan.    


Of trusting a captain.  
AN Alderman, one of the better sort,  
And worthy member of our worthiest City;  
unto whose Table diuers did resort,  
himself of stomach good, of answers witty,  
Was once requested by a Table friend,  
To lend an unknown captain twenty pound:  
The which, because he might the rather lend,  
He said he should become in statute bound.  
And this( quoth he) you need not doubt to take,  
For he's a man of late grown in good credit,  
And went about the world with Captain Drake.  
Out( quoth the Alderman) that ere you said it,  
For forty pounds? no nor for forty pence.  
His single bond I count not worth a chip:  
I say to you( take not heereat offence,)  
He that hath three whole yeares been in a ship,  
In famine, plagues, in stench, and storm, so rise,  
Cares not to lie in Ludgate all his life.    


Of taking a Hare.  
unto a Lawyer rich, a Client poor  
Came early in the morning to his door,  
And dancing long attendance in the place,  
At last he got some counsel in his case;  
For which the Lawyer look't to haue been paid:  
But thus at last the poor man to him said,  
I cannot give a fee, my stat's so bare:  
But will it please you, Sir, to take a hare?  
He that took all that came, with all his heart,  
Said that he would, and take it in good part.  
Then must you run apace( good Sir) quoth he:  
For she this morning quiter outstripped me.  
He went his way, the hare was never taken.  
Was not the Lawyer taken, or mistaken?    


In Cornutum.  
WHat curld-pate youth is he that sitteth there  
So near thy wife, and whispers in her ear,  
And takes her hand in his,& soft doth wring her,  
Sliding his ring still up and down her finger?  
Sir, tis a Proctor, seen in both the laws,  
Retaind by her, in some important cause;  
Prompt and discreet both in his speech and action,  
And doth her business with great satisfaction.  
And thinkest thou so? a horn plague on thy head:  
Art thou so like a fool, and wittoll led,  
To think he doth the business of thy wife?  
He doth thy business, I dare lay my life.    


A tragical Epigram.  
WHen doom of Peers& Iudges fore-appointed,  
By racking laws beyond all reach of reason,  
Had unto death condemned a queen anointed,  
And found,( oh strange!) without allegiance, treason;  
The axe that should haue done that execution,  
shunned to cut off a head that had been crwoned.  
Our hangman lost his wonted resolution,  
To quell a queen of nobleness so renowned.  
Ah, is remorse in hangmen and in steel,  
When peers and Iudges no remorse can feel?  
Grant Lord, that in this noble Ile, a queen  
Without a head, may never more be seen.    


A good request of a Lawyer.  
A Pleasant Lawyer standing at the bar,  
The causes done, and day not passed far:  
A judge to whom he had professed devotion,  
asked him in grace, if he would haue a motion:  
Yes Sir, quoth he, but short, and yet not small,  
That whereas now of Sarieants is a call,  
I wish( as most of my profession do)  
That there might be a call of clients too:  
For sure it breeds us Lawyers mickle cumber,  
Because of them we find so small a number.    


Of reading Scriptures.  
THe sacred Scriptures treasure great affords,  
To all of several tongues, of sundry realms:  
For low and simplo spirits shallow fords,  
For high and learned Doctors deeper streams,  
In every part so exquisitely made,  
An Elephant may swim, a lamb may wade.  
Not that all should with barbarous audacity,  
red what they list, and how they list expound,  
But each one suiting to his weak capacity:  
For many great Scriptureans may be found,  
That city Saint Paul at every bench and board,  
And haue Gods word, but haue not God the word.    


Of Cinna.  
five yeares hath Cinna studied Genesis,  
And knows not what in Principio is;  
And grieved that he is graueld thus, he skips,  
Ore all the Bible, to th'Apocalips.    


The Author to his wife, a rule for praying.  
MY dear, that in your closet for devotion,  
To kindle in your breast some godly motion,  
You contemplate, and oft your eyes do fix  
On some Saints picture, or the crucifix;  
Tis not amiss, be it of ston or mettle,  
It serveth in thy mind good thoughts to settle;  
Such images may serve thee as a book,  
Whereon thou mayst with godly reverence look,  
And thereby thy remembrance to acquaint,  
With life or death, or virtue of the Saint.  
Yet do I not allow thou kneel before it,  
Nor would I in no wise you should adore it.  
For as such things well used, are clean and holy,  
So superstition soon may make it folly.  
All images are scorned and quiter dishonoured,  
If the Prototype be not solely honoured.  
I keep thy picture in a golden shrine,  
And I esteem it well, because 'tis thine;  
But let me use thy picture ne're so kindly,  
'twere little worth, if I used thee unkindly.  
Sith then, my dear, our heavenly Lord above  
Vouchsafeth unto ours to like his love:  
So let us use his picture, that therein,  
Against himself we do commit no sin;  
Nor let us scorn such pictures, nor deride them,  
Like fools, whose zeal mistaught, cannot abide them:  
But pray, our harts, by faith's eyes be made able  
To see, what mortal eyes see on a Table.  
A man would think, one did deserve a mock,  
Should say, Oh heavenly Father, to a stock;  
Such a one were a stock, I strait should gather,  
That would confess a stock to be her Father.    


Poenitentia poenitenda: Of a penitent friar.  
BOund by his Church, and Trentin catechism,  
To vow of single life, a cloistered friar,  
Had got a swelling, called a Priapisme,  
Which seld is swag'd, but with a female fire.  
The leech( as oftentimes Physitians use)  
To cure the corps, not caring for the soul,  
Prescribes a cordial medicine from the stews.  
Which lewd prescript, the Patient did condole,  
Yet strong in Faith, and being loth to die  
And knowing that extremes yield dispensation  
He is resolved, and doth the medicine try:  
Which being done, he made such lamentation,  
That diuers thought he was fallen in despair,  
And therefore for his confirmation prayed.  
But when that they had ended quiter their prayer  
After long silence, thus to them he said:  
I wail not, that I think my fact so vicious,  
Nor am I in despair: no, never doubt it;  
But feeling female flesh is so delicious,  
I wail, to think I lived so long without it.    


Of a Cotsold lion.  
WHen harts obdurate make of sin a habit,  
High-frowning Nemesis was wont to sand  
bears, lions, wolves and Tygars, to this end  
To plague the place where such bad folks inhabit.  
Now, sith this sin, in habit and in act  
Exceeds the sin of every former age,  
No marvell, Nemesis in her just rage  
Doth like, or greater punishment exact.  
And for that cause, a cruel beast is sent,  
Not onely that deuours and spoils his people,  
But pulls down house and cottage, Church and steeple,  
Making the Widow mourn, Orphan lament.  
But will you know what beasts they be that keep  
Such beastly rule, as ne're was seen before?  
'tis neither bear, nor lion, Bull, nor Bore,  
But beasts, then all these beasts more harmful; sheep.  
Lo then the mystery, from whence the name  
Of Cotfold lions, first to England came.    


Of a picture with a Ferriman rowing in a tempest, with two Ladies in his boat, whereof he loved one, but she disdained him, and the other loved him, but he not her: now a voice came to his ear, that to save his boat from being cast away, he must drown one of the Ladies: in which perplexity he speaketh these passions.  
IN troublous seas of love, my tender boat,  
By Fates decree, is still tost up and down,  
Ready to sink, and may no longer float,  
Except of these two damsels one I drown.  
I would save both: but ah, that may not be:  
I love the tone, the tother loveth me.  
here the vast waves are ready me to swallow.  
There danger is to strike vpon the shelf.  
doubtful I swim between the deep and shallow,  
To save th'vngrate, and be vngrate myself.  
Thus seem I by the ears to hold a wolf,  
While fain I would eschew this gaping gulf.  
But since loues actions guided are by passion,  
And quenching doth augment her burning fuel,  
Adieu, thou nymph, deserving most compassion,  
To merit mercy, I must show me cruel.  
ask you me why? oh question out of season!  
love never leisure hath to render reason.    


The old mans choice.  
LEt sovereign Reason, sitting at the stern,  
And far removing all eyeblinding passion,  
Censure the due desert with iudgement clear,  
And say, The cruel merit no compassion.  
live then, kind Nymph, and ioy we two together:  
Farewell th'unkind, and all unkind go with her.    


To one that writ a book of Dancing.  
WHile you the Planets all do set to dancing,  
Beware such hap as to the friar was chancing,  
Who preaching in a pulpit old& rotten,  
Amongst some notes, most fit to be forgotten,  
In stead of better matter, thus he vaunts,  
To make all Saints, after his pipe to dance.  
But while himself be bravely there aduances,  
To act his speech with gesture; lo it chances,  
down fals the Pulpit, sore the friar was bruised:  
never was friar nor Pulpit more abused.  
So, though none fear the falling of those sparks,  
Which when they fall, 'twill be good catching Larks:  
Yet this may fall, that while you dance and skip,  
With female Planets, so your foot may trip,  
That in your lofty Capreoll, and turn,  
Their motion may make your dimension burn.    


Of two welsh Gentlemen.  
TWo Squires of Wales arrived at a town,  
To seek their lodging when the sun was down;  
And( for the innkeeper his gates had locked)  
In hast, like men of some account they knocked.  
The drowsy chamberlain doth ask who's there?  
They  told, that Gentlemen of Wales they were.  
How many( quoth the man) are there of you?  
They said, Heer's John ap Rees, ap Rise, ap hue,  
And Nicholas ap Giles, ap Stephen, ap Dauy.  
Then Gentlemen, adieu( quoth he) God save ye:  
Your worships might haue had a bed or twain.  
But how can that suffice so great a train.    


In Philautum.  
YOur verses please your Reader oft, you vaunt it:  
If you yourself do red them oft, I grant it.    


A happy mistake.  
WHen Roman Mutius had in countries quarrel,  
Killed the seruant to the Masters terror,  
He said, his eyes deceyu'd with rich apparel,  
Had made his hand commit that happy error.  
Perhaps it is from hence the proverb springs,  
That knaves in Court go oft as brave as Kings.    


To an old bachelor.  
YOu praise all women: well, let you alone,  
Who speaks so well of all, thinks well of none.    


Of two that were married and undone.  
AFond young couple, making hast to mary,  
Without their parents will, or friends consent,  
After one month their marriage did repent,  
And sued unto the Bishops Ordinary,  
That this their act so undiscreetly done,  
Might by his more discretion be undone.  
Vpon which motion he a while did pause:  
At length, he for their comforts to them said,  
It had been better( friends) that you had stayed:  
But now you are so hampered in the laws,  
That I this knot may not untie( my son)  
Yet I will grant you both shall be undone.    


Of a stale Commodity.  
IN Rome a crier had a wench to sell,  
Such as in common stews are wont to dwell;  
His name, nor hers, I shall not need to tell.  
When he had held her long at little price,  
Thinking at last, some Chapman to entice,  
he takes her in his arms, as nothing nice,  
And on the lips he swap't her once or twice.  
What might he gain( think you) by this device?  
One that before had offered thirty shilling,  
To give a third part, now seemed much unwilling.    


Of Claudia.  
CLaudia, to save a noble Romans blood,  
Was offered by some friends that wished his good,  
A jewel of inestimable price;  
But she would not be won by this device:  
For she did take his head, and leave the jewel.  
Was Claudia now more covetous, or cruel?    


Of a Lady that desired more courtesy, and less Purse.  
A Good old Lord did wed a faire young Lady,  
Of good complexion, and of comely stature,  
And( for he was of kind and noble nature)  
He loved to see her go so brave as may be.  
A pleasant Knight, one day was so presumptuous,  
To tell this Lord, in way of plain simplicity:  
'tis you( my Lord) that haue this worlds felicity,  
That haue a Dame, so faire, so sweet, so sumptuous.  
Tush( said the Lord) but these same costly gowns,  
With Kertles, Carknets, plague me in such sort,  
That every time I taste of Venus sport,  
I will be sworn, cost's me one hundred Crownes.  
Now fie, Sir( said his wife) where is your sense?  
Although 'tis true, yet say not so for shane:  
For I could wish, to clear me of the blame,  
That each time cost you but an hundred pence.    


A Scottish verse.  
ROb. Will. and Dauy,  
Keep well thy Pater noster and Aue:  
And if thou wilt the better speed,  
Gang no further then thy Creed:  
Say well, and do none ill,  
And keep thyself in safety still.    


In commendation of a straw, written at the request of a great Lady, that ware a strawne Hat at the Court.  
I vowed to writ of none but matters serious,  
And lawful vows to break, a great offence;  
But yet, faire Ladies hests are so imperious,  
That with all vows, all laws they can dispense:  
Then yielding to that all-commanding Law,  
My muse must tell some honour of a straw.  
Not of jack Straw, with his rebellious crew,  
That set King, realm, and laws at hab or nab,  
Whom Londons worthy Maior so bravely slay,  
With dudgeon daggers honourable stab,  
That his successors for that service loyal,  
Haue yet reward with blow of weapon royal.  
Nor will I praise that fruitless straw or stubble,  
Which built vpon most precious stones foundation:  
When fiery trials come, the builders trouble,  
Though some great builders build of such a fashion,  
To learned Androes, that much better can,  
I leave that stubble, fire, and straw to scan.  
Now list I with Philosophers to range,  
In searching out,( though I admire the reason)  
How simpathising properties, most strange,  
keep contraries in straw, so long a season.  
ye, snow, fruits, fish, moist things, and dry and warm,  
Are long preserved in straw, with little harm.  
But let all Poets my remembrance wipe,  
From out their books of famed, for ever during,  
If I forget to praise our oaten pipe,  
Such music, to the Muses all procuring:  
That some learned ears preferred it haue before  
Both Orpharyon, viol, Lute, Bandore.  
Now if we list more curiously examine,  
To search in straw some profitable points,  
Bread hath been made of straw in time of famine,  
In cutting off the tender knotted joints:  
But yet remaines one praise of straw to tell,  
Which all the other praise doth far excel.  
That straw, which men, and beasts, and fowles haue scorned,  
Hath been by curious Art, and hand industrious  
So wrought, that it hath shadowed, yea adorned  
A head and face of beauty and birth illustrious.  
Now praise I? no, I envy now thy bliss,  
Ambitious straw, that so high placed is.  
What Architect this work so strangely matched?  
An ivory house, doors, rubies, windows touch  
A gilded roof, with straw all ouerthatcht.  
Where shall pearl bide, when place of straw is such?  
Now could I wish, alas, I wish too much,  
I might be straw-drawne to that lively touch.  
But herein we may learn a good example,  
That virtuous Industry their worth can raise,  
Whom slanderous tongues tread under foot and trample.  
This  told my Muse; and strait she went her ways:  
Which( Lady) if you seriously allow,  
It is no toy, nor haue I broken my vow.   
FINIS.