THE BAWDS trial AND EXECUTION: ALSO, A short Account of her whole Life& Travels.  
Written by MISOMASTROPUS.  
With ALLOWANCE.  
LONDON, Printed for L. C. MDCLXXIX.   

THE BAWDS trial, AND EXECUTION,  
AN unfortunate Soldier of Venus, retired out of hot service to a cool Shade to rest his wearied Body, and to curse the Bawd that sold him the French Commodity,( that vendible Disease) at so vast a rate; Passionately wooed the Heavens to discharge a volley of Thunder-bolts, or Sodom Fire-brands upon the compound of lechery and Injustice; Or at least to let him live to see her die some Ignominious death. His svit was half heard, for sleep( that is sometimes kind as well as cruel, that often grants the Lover those Satisfactions, which the Coy Dame denies, that lends the beggar Gold, and fills his empty Purse with imaginary Riches, that feasts the Epicure at night with Meats less surfeiting than those he eats by day, that often gets the Criminal a nights Reprieve, and sometimes gives the Sentence before the Judge has heard the Cause,) played the pretty Conjurer; and in a Dream, as in a Magick-glass, shew'd him that Fate that Heaven had designed the Perjured Bawd, that Sold him stinking Stock-Fish, and swore 'twas Ling.  
The Scene was Princess Agnotes Court, whither this Pox-blasted Knight was carried on the wings of Fancy, to Dream the following Tragedy.  
He Fancied that he lay in a strong Castle, whose Walls were proof against the Still Artillery of Venus's Eyes, and Cupid's Lascivious Shot, whose Torch that makes those different Climates, the torrid, temperate and the frigid Zones in Loves fantastic World, could not keep lighted in this could Region. The place was guarded by the circu●●pect Cosmiarchus, and weary Aidos, and Victualled by the a●st m●●● Sophrosynarchus, with a sufficient plenty of Anchorites could Wine, and ●ermits unbought Meats;( an admirable Antidote against the La●●ivious poison) for it made all the Inhabitants Venus-proof, and kept that Animal the Body, free from all frollicking, or getting head of Reason, just in case to carry the Soul smoothly. Of such a temper above the rest, was the chief Judge of this Court Philagnotus, before whom( in a cost●y Dress, bought at the immense price of Soul and Honour,) stood the guilty Punk grown decrepit with her Crimes that hung more heavy on her head than the ponderous weight of Threescore Years. Her old Eye●,( those loathsome snuffs of Lascivious lights) were sunk deep into the sconce, but still endeavoured to cast forth from the bottom of the socket an amorous glimmering, that ravished just as much as the twinkling relic of an expireing Candle, that burns, but stinks, and smokes, and now and then glances a dull offensive light upon the Nauseating Beholders: Her Lips, which she ever made the Whetstones of her Lust were worn so thin with a multitude of sharpening Kisses, that they served no longer as a Screen to hid her rotten Teeth; for those Bone-Charcoles burnt almost to dust with the liquid Fire of hot Drinks, appeared through her Tissany Lips, as black as Night or her own ●thiopian Soul: Her Skin was as rivel'd as a sheet of Parchment that had been too hastily dried after taking wet, which she endeavoured to put a Youth upon with the borrowed Complexion of a Paint; so her old Bones were cased with a new varnish cover, like the Skeleton of a decrepid Chair clad in a new Skin of Painted Leather: Old age like a could Winter, had dressed her Head with a Hoary-Frost of Gray-Hairs, which made this Cynder'd lump of Lust look like the Burning Aetna, which in spite of his continual Flames has his Head powdered with a could Snow: Her Breath( the venomous Vapour exhaled out of the Common-shore) infected so the Air, that a Toad could scarce live in it; 'twas too strong a Stench to proceed from a common Corruption, 'twas certainly her Ulcerated Soul that stunk through her Body to that rate, that the whole Assembly had Drunk up Poison through their nostrils, had not the Infectious Exhalation been countermined by the Perfumed Breath of the fair Parthenia, her inveterate enemy, who stood ready to accuse her to the Judge, and turn her inside out, that her hidden Crimes might appear to every Vulgar Eye. The very Person of that chased Virgin did pled against her, her Looks were Words; her Gestures, Arguments; her Modest Countenance, Silent rhetoric; that all accused her Lewdness to the Judge equally, as much as her Tongue, which thus decypher'd her.  
My Lord( said she) to search into this wicked womans Life, is to Dive in a Jaques; To Paint her in her proper Colours, is to draw a Picture to be scared with: Like some timorous Painter, that with a lucky hand, Copies the Devil so well, that he Trembles at the Spirit which his majestic Pencil raised; no less than a Young Conjurer at the unruly Fiend which his Charms summoned into his circled: Yet I cannot but think it just, that we rather suffer our own Stomach to be turned with stirring this Filth, than let 'vice go without the grand punishment of being published.  
Before she had quiter shaken off the womans kerb,( her Modesty,) she laboured to be wicked, never offended without a Contract: But when she had gazed away all shane with ungarded looks, and with a loose Tongue banished from her Face the blushy which( where it ebbs and flows) does keep our actions all in awe, and makes our hearts not dare to think a sin for fear of being discovered; that Writes us guilty in our Faces, speaks our Minds, truer then our Tongue, reviles our Actions, checks our Designs, rebukes our Thoughts, and makes us publish our own Ignominy to the World; And when we endeavour to conceal it, gives our Tongue the lie: when this was gone, she strained, and reached, to cast up all remorse, which for a time kept her Conscience in such a temper, that the Crimes she swallowed now and then, rejolted; But when she had purged her self of that, she sinned at quiet, free from the clamorous Duns of Conscience. And then became as impudent as the Winds that Kiss all they meet, as lewd as a naked Statue that shows itself to all that will look upon it, as common as the Earth her self, that will lie under any thing that will cast itself upon her. She daily sent out Lascivious Glances, Lewd Gestures, and Obscene Words to forage for her Lust, and bring her home some unwary Prey for that Breast-woolf; a Disease now grown almost incurable, to feed upon: She would make love unto a Bull, beg round the Town to sin, and Court all she met with to Damn her. Thus did she Tun in Luxury by full Bowls, but like to those that Drink off Frozen liquours that so benumb the Pallet, that after the third Swallow, they Taste no more, but still Drink on, because 'twas once a pleasure; for at last she sinned past all Delight, and then played the Glutton that Eats, when Eating is a Torment; and thinking on't a Pain. By this time she had out-done Sodom and Gomorrha; so that there was nothing left to Rival her but Hell, and that too you would think she emulated, when you look upon the wickedness of her later Years, which did outdo her former Actions, as much as those, the Crimes of other Mortals. For when old Age had made her loathsome to man, even in the hottest Feaver-fit of Lust, or ecstasy of Wine and her Jaded Body tired under her, and left her to the dry delight of wishes and desires; she sat her down to a nasty Feast, to Chew the Cud, and Feed on Meats she had already Eat, but brought up again with a ruminating reach of Fancy to Chew over the second time. Thus would she sit, and sin her whole life over a Thought, double all her Crimes in an Hour, by committing them once more by an unrepenting Commemoration; and with the force of Fancy, as with an alembic, distil all her wickedness into one fulsome drop, and so Drink the extract of epitomized evils, which was scarce strong enough for her Monstrous Stomach. Thinking was an empty Pleasure, and Acting was not in her power: So, as if she had not done enough, she kept others to be wicked for her, enjoying their Crimes, sinning their sins, and now Magnificiently offending, for she lay with all the Lechers of the Town by Proxy. Thus she became Solicitress to Hell, and Factress for the Devil, doing his business in making up Adulterous Matches, joining Lecherous hands, cheating Virgins of their Purity, causing duels, Divorcing Friends, and Enticing in unwary Maids with her decoying Prostitutes, that she sent out to all the public Walks of the Town. So now she had set up Shop and Traffiqu'd publicly in sin, so well furnished with the merchandise of Hell, that there was no possibility of being chased( as formerly) for want of opportunity. For she Retail'd out 'vice and Wickedness, and set so high a Price on Evil, that made her wretched Chapmen( O Damnable Imposition!) pay for their own Damnation, Buy Hell at a vast Rate, and give their whole Fortunes to go to the Devil.  
Here chased Parthenia made a little Pause to take Breath, and would have gone on with her vigorous Accusation, had she not seen Sir Cully Bubble Impatient to crowd in his sad Story.  
The poor Spung'd Knight restend upon a pair of weak props, Hams so limber that at every third word they let his Body fall almost half way to the ground, which he still endeavoured to raise again with all the strength he had; so that he stood Courtesying before the Judge like a Water-Wagtail, only that he did not rise with so Vigorous a Spring: He was so Lean and Thin, that you might almost see his Soul through his Body; his Pate as Bald as a Brass Bullet, his Eyes withdrawn so far within his Head, that they seemed retired to the other side to look out behind: His Blood all spent in his Mistresses service, his Cheeks so Thin, that you might see the one through the other; and his whole Body in no better Case than a Skeleton, only that it had a Skin. Poor man he looked like some tired Jade hard worked all day, and Rid out every night by a malicious hag upon her wicked Rambles, almost to Hell and back again: He was so weak, that he had scarce strength to move his Tongue, nor had he Breath enough to speak, but was 〈◇〉 to Puff and Blow, and Sigh out his Accusations like a hard Bagpipe; which, when the Wind does fail it, speaks no more its music Language, but ends its Tune in a gentle whisper: At last a loud blast of Sighs, the constant harbingers of Complaint and Grief ushered in his Lamentable Tale.  
For me but to appear, cried he, is little less than Evidence: I have brought in more than half an Accusation, by showing the ruins of a Manly fabric, brought to this decay by that wicked Womans unjust practices, that destroy as quick as Thunder, and as sure as Time. 'twas that Sorceress that first stripped me of the Man, and put me on the Beast, transforming me with the Charms of Lust, and magic power of Wine, into a Creature worse than Irrational; and then I served like one of Circe's suitors, if not in all Forms, at least contracting the numerous Species of all Beasts into that grand one of Besotted Man. When she would Rob me,( as she ever did when I had any thing to lose) she found a way to do it as undiscoverably, as if she had wore Gyges his Ring: for when she had rocked me in her Lascivious Arms into a Lethargy of sin, or transported me into an ecstasy of Lecherous Love, she would Rifle my Pockets, and Plunder my Fingers, with as little danger of being felt, as one that steals Bracelets from the Arms of some Heathens Marble Goddess, or robs the Spulchres of the Dead to pull off Rings from the could Fingers of a senseless carcase: She would make me Drunk to promise half my Fortune, and then Drunk again ro perform my promise: So great a Thief that she stolen even that, that was given her; for he that does receive what a Drunkard gives, steals what he receives. She would promise with a Thousand Oaths to get me untouched Rose-Buds, which not so much as the innocent Bee had ever deflowered, or Eunuch Drone robbed of their Virgin Sweetness; nor scarce the curious Sun ever cast a glance on; and then give me the Nasty carcase of some stinking Flower, withered with Old-Age, cast off by the Vulgar, and thrown aside to Rot. Thus damning her Soul thrice in one Act with a lie, Fraud and Perjury: She would bind her self in a bond of her Salvation and Eternity, to bring me to an elysium, more sweet and ravishing than the Fancy of the Poets could make theirs; and then like a malicious Punk led me into a Bog more stinking than the Lake Avernus, which with the pestiferous Vapours it sends up, Shoots down the Birds that fly over it. She was so great a Thief, that she loved the Theft better than she did the Money, and so knowing in the Science, that one hand would Steal from the other: So great a liar, that she suspected what her own Heart  told her: So apt to detract from all she heard well spoken of, that if you  told her God was pure, she would Blaspheme to contradict it: So Faithless and so Fickle, that you might fear she would prove unconstant even in Self-love, and hate her self, to hate all mankind: So great a Drunkard, that she was come to Drink Wine like Air, and was never less Drunk than when she was a Brimmer; like a Sack-butt, that takes in its liquour kindly; and when it's full, stands steadiest, aptest to reel when its empty.  
Here Sir Cully had run himself off his Wind, which he could no more 〈◇〉 than a pair of cracked Bellows, which with some trouble you 〈◇〉 make fetch Breath thick and short; but never gather Wind enough to do your business.  
〈◇〉 Lewd Criminal stood all this time in a confused posture, half 〈◇〉 before the Sentence in having her Crimes thus published. She endeavoured to make some weak reply, and gaped twice to speak, but her words cleaved to the Roof of her Mouth, loth to come out for to be Hist at; and her Tongue was ashamed to speak the lies her Heart suggested: So she had been quiter Mute, had not the banished blushy, that never appeared in her Face since 'vice had Brass-gilt it over with Impudence, rose in judgement against her, and in spite of her Silence, made her whole Countenance cry Guilty. Whereupon,( as such) the Judge justly condemned her, and thus gave Sentence.  
That Body of thine ripened with the heat of Lust, shall now begin to Rot, and leave the World not as it came in, altogether, but creep unto its ruin, Limb after Limb, that thou mayest feel the killing pangs of Dissolution in every Artery, and suffer a general slaughter in one single body, by being murdered in each Member: Thou shalt not Drink thy Death all at a draft, but let it down drop by drop, that thou mayest Taste thy punishment; For 'tis not to die, but to be dying, that makes death a Torment.  
Pursuant to this Sentence, the great Executioner of this Court, Astraea, hurried her away, already infected with the contagious Disease that began to spread over her whole body, faster than a Water-Circle over the surface of a dead Pool, and Eat more Hungrely than Aquafortis, destroying all the way it went, and leaving nothing behind it but Putrefaction: Her Nose began presently to creep off her Face upon the backs of Maggots, her Legs walked from under her, her Eyes( those once foolish Lovers Planets) became falling Stars, and dropped from their Orbs, lay like filthy Jelly upon the ground; her Lips, so often Nick-named Cherries, rotted off the three: The Roses of her Cheeks( long since faded and decayed,) began now to putrefy; her Tongue and Teeth were blown out of her Mouth with her vehement Sighs, and her Flesh fell from her Bones all round her, like melting Snow from the Boughs of an over burdened three, and as it dropped,( imitating the original of Scotch Barnacles,) became vermin, and run away from her, loathing the Monstrous Soul from whom 'twas got loose. So have I seen a Carrion when 'twas grown too course a dish for Ravens, and too stinking Diet for the hungriest Curs of the Town, lie and rot away into Magotts, and then walk about the Field into another shape, and haunt the place where it lay in other forms.  
When the poor Gentleman, that lay all this time Dreaming, saw the Bawd fall asunder, he burst forth into Acclamation of Joy, and with Noise waked himself, and so undid the Spell that sleep had made; at which all vanished like an enchanted Castle when the Charms are ended, or a magic Vision, which disappears at the first word that is spoken, contrary to the Covenant of the Conjurer. The poor man waked, little better satisfied than the Glutton with the Feast, or Miser with the Gold he dreamed on, or Lover with the Empty Embraces a Kind and Courteous Sleep bestowed upon him. But reflecting how clearly all things were represented; how true the Accusation, how just the Punishment, he fancied 'twas something more than a Dream, and so concluded when he considered, that Sleep was sometimes prophetic as well as Fabulous, and had its true Visions, as well as Phantoms.  
FINIS.