A DIALOGUE Between Two BURGESSES, About choosing their Next Members of Parliament.  Tom. 
WHither so fast, Will? What's the matter, man? Thou look'st as if thou wast frighted.  Will. 
I think there's reason, Tom: for either our wise men are mad, or we are all stark fools; for the Parliament's dissolved again, and a New One to sit at Oxford, which being so unexpected, passes my understanding to unfold the meaning of it, and therefore I'll say nothing to it; but what I do understand is, That we are offered brave Sparks to serve us, for there's Mr. Sweetlips, Mr. Swallow-Oath, Mr. High-Church, and Mr. Sell-Trust, have all writ, and are coming Post to court us to be our Servants; and being thou art an understanding Coxcomb, that goest to the Coffee-house, and readest all the News, I come to ask thee what we shall say to these Gentlemen, who are woundy civil, and very earnest to have our Promises.  Tom. 
I am afraid such Servants will too soon be ashamed of having us for their Masters, and we may repent too late the having such costly Servants. But wil't promise them all four, when thou hast but two to choose? Let's consider them severally: Mr. Sweetlips you know is a Courtier: Now what's the business of a Parliament? Does not the Court still strive there to get as much Money and Power as they can? And the Parliament does or should spare our Money, and preserve our Liberty, as much as lies in their power; and dost not see then that choosing such a one is setting the Lamb to the Wolf to Nurse.  Will. 
Thou sayst right, we should even be as wise as the men of Gotam. Well but because he's a courteous fine Gentleman, and desires to serve me, I'll tell him, That if ever I have a Boon to beg of the King, or a Wedding-Suit to make in London, he shall have the honour, as he calls it, to be employed by me before any man; but in this I must beg his pardon. But then what sayst to Mr. Swallow-Oath, who though 'tis true he always herded with the Papists, and was thought one formerly, yet he now conforms to the Law, takes the Test, and rails at Popery as much as any man; and what shall we do with him?  Tom. 
Why if thou wilt do any thing to employ or trust him, put a Halter about his Neck, throw him into the Thames, and tie him to an Anchor, and let him swim there for a Bouy, which is the onely use such a man is good for, that will turn with every Tide. But we must have such Parliament-men as will stand as firm as Bulwarks for our Religion and Liberty; and must be blown up, or batter●d down, before they'l yield.  Will. 
Then sure thou'lt be for Squire High-Church, whom they call a Jure-Divino-man; for he talks of nothing else but the Church, of which he is so true a Son, tha● 〈◇〉 swears over a Glass of Wine, he would rather break ten Commandments of God, then one of the Bishops; and cut a hundred Fanaticks Throats, before he would eat Flesh on a Friday: Besides, he is so pious, that he scorns all Laws and Statutes, and proves by Texts of Scripture, The Prince and the Prelate in all Countreys have as much Power as the Turk and mufti.  Tom. 
Squire High-Church is a very good man to some purposes, but every man in his way, and none good for all things; I'll go to Church with him, but I won't go with him to imprison and ruin my fellow Protestants that meet at a Godly Exercise afterward in private, as if we must hang all that have more Piety then ourselves. I had rather keep Christmas with him, then Lent; rather trust his Opinion in things wherein he uses his own Reason, then where he pins his Faith on the Parson's Sleeve; and rather trust him in a difference betwixt me and my Neighbour, then make him my Representative in Parliament: For his Principle is to be guided by the Clergy, their Principle is to make themselves pass for the Church, and then to take the best way to Preferment in it, and that best way is to make the King and the Bishop absolute, and that's the sure way to make us all Slaves. Besides, though perhaps he means well, yet I'm sure he's mistaken, whilst by persecuting Dissenting Protestants, and magnifying the danger from them, he does that out of Simplicity which the Papists do out of villainy, when they forged the Presbyterian Plot to make the Protestants destroy one another, who must needs master the Papists if they united among themselves.  Will. 
Why sure Tom, thou dost not mean, I hope, to choose old Sell-Trust the Pensioner again, though he bids most, and spends freest for it: for my part, I'd as soon vote for Old neck.  Tom. 
He that sells dear, may afford to buy so: But we are so much obliged to Mr. Sell-Trust for his past Services, that I know not how to requited him as he deserves, but thus: Let's promise all to Vote for him, if he'll Treat us Nobly; let's drink Sack, and feast jollily upon him till the day comes, and then let's tell him, There's a Scotch Proverb which says, If a Man deceive me once, the Devil take Him; but if he deceive me twice, the Devil take Both: And that since he voted our Money into his own Pocket, 'twas but just we should wheadle some of it back again into our Belleys; but yet because we would not break our words with him, nor let his old Master Danby's new Directions to set them all at work again, produce nothing, we would Vote for him as we said Unanimously, but it should be, That he and the rest of his Brethren, the Pensioners should be all hanged by the next Parliament: And so we remain yours to serve you thus at any time, honest Mr. Sell-Trust.  Will. 
Faith I can't forbear laughing to think of the Jest on't; we'll be sure to do't: But then who shall we choose man?  Tom. 
Who should we choose, but Mr. Blunt and Mr. Unity? Men that we know would rather enlarge then lessen the Liberties of an Englishman, and the Pale of the Protestant Religion; that will not part with any of our Money till we are secured of the rest; that will not be loo'd on the Fanaticks by a Trick, to save the Papists: In a word, Men that we have had good experience of, that they are Complement-proof, Feast-proof, Sermon-proof, and Bribe-proof: And if they don't court us, let us court them, and choose them whether they will or no; for they have but the Honour and the Trouble on't, but we have the Benefit and the Security.  Will. 
Troth, Tom, agreed; for I never heard of a Lords Head got in Parliament cheaper then the last was; and if we had had all the Bills the Commons past, I'd ha' been content to pay Taxes for one year with all my heart. Well I'll go whisper this about, and enjoin Secrecy, that we may not fail of obliging Mr. Sell-Trust, as 'tis intended— But hold, I had forgot to tell thee one thing, they all say, That if we have any Exceptions to themselves, 'twill please them as well if we choose their Sons.  Tom. 
Oh Fire! Murder! Treason! Then 'tis a plain Design to pack another Club of Voting Knaves to undo us: They care not who 'tis, so it be one of their own Gang: Trust none of 'em, Will. A young Devil will cry, I& No, as well as an old one: The young Cock will crow after his Father; and if thou puttest a young Fox that never robbed a Henroost into the Goose-pen, thou'lt soon see how Nature will teach him to play with the Flock. They have a mind to breed their Sons Knaves, and would have us enter them in Parliament for them. Go thy way immediately, and do as thou saidst, satisfy all thy Neighbours, and God speed.  Will. 
farewell: I'll fly about the Town in a minute.   

London, Printed in the Year 1681.