THREE MONTH'S Observations of the Low-Countries, Especially HOLLAND. CONTAINING A brief Description of the Country, Customs, Religions, Manners, and Dispositions of the People.  
Printed Anno 1648.   

The PRINTER to the READER.  
Reader,  
THough relations of those Countries with whom we have had long and frequent Commerce, (which supposes us knowing of things either curious or needful) may be esteemed superfluous; yet for the better understanding of these short observations, it seems very necessary; for it is supposed they were intended by the Author (whom you will find ingenious) either to please himself, or delight the fancies of those that are acquainted with the fashions of the Country.  
He renders the Hollander an ingenuous subtle people, and if he be a little too free with them in their vices, 'tis pardonable; for when he observes their virtues, he endeavours to make requital.  
To commend it were to detract; that were pity, for it is too little already: but being so, you may with more ease try whether it deserves it.  
To make large preambles, were not only to be unlike our Author, but to erect a great gate to a small Cottage.  
It was thought deserving the Press; I have done my part, do you but yours; that is, peruse it, and add it to thy Library.  
Farewell.   

THREE MONTH'S Observations of the Low-Countries, especially HOLLAND.  
THey are generally a Sealand: there is not such a marish in the world that is flat. They are an universal quagmire; epitomised, a green-cheese in pickle: such an Aequilibrian of earth and water, that a strong earthquake would shake them into a Chaos: they are the ingredients of a black pudding, and want only stirring, else you would have more bread than greets: then have you no way to make it serve for any thing, but to spread it under Zona Torrida, and so dry it for Turfs. It is an excellent place for despairing lovers, for each corner affords them Willow; but if Justice should condemn one to be hanged on any other Tree, he might live long and confident. It is the but tock of the world, full of veins and blood; but no bones. Had St Stephen been condemned there to be stoned, he might have lived still; for (unless it be in their paved Towns) gold is more plentiful than stone. It is a singular place to fat monkeys for there are spiders as big as shrimps, and (I think) as many. You may travel the Country without a guide, for you cannot go out of the road without hazard of drowning. A King that hated crowding, might have run away without staying for his Usher, for he can go no whither but his way is made before him. Had they Cities as big as their walls, Rome were but a bauble to them. Twenty miles are nothing to be hurried over in one of their wagons; where, if the Voerman be sober, you travel safe, But descending from thence, you must have better faith than Peter had, or you sink immediately, if your way be not his: thus it hangs in the water, and at the approach of the waggon, it will shake as if it were aguestricken. The Duke D' Alva taxing the tenth penny, frighted it into a Palsy, which all the Mountebanks it had bred and had, knew not how to cure. They do some things which seem wonders; for they fish for fire in the waters, which they catch in nets, and transport to land in their boats, where they spread it smooth, as a Mercer doth his Velvet when he rooks an Heir of eighteen. Thus being in a meadow, you would suppose it a cantle of green-cheese, spread over with black butter. Their ordinary Packhorses are framed of wood, carrying their bridles in their tails, and their burdens in their bellies, and a strong wind and stiff gale are the spurs that make them speedy. They dress their meat with aqua coelestis; for their water springs are not like ours, from the earth, but come to them as Manna to the Israelites, from heaven. the Elements here are at variance, the subtle overflow the grosser, the fire consuming the earth, and the air the waters; for they burn Turfs, and drain their grounds with Windmills, as if the Colic were a remedy for the Stone. The land they have is kept as neat as a Courtier's beard, and they have a method in mowing. It is so interveyned with waters and rivers, that it is impossible to make a Common amongst them. Even the Brownists are here at a stand. The poor are never complained of for breaking of hedges; surely had the men of Gotham lived here, they would have studied some other prison for the Cuckoo. Their ditches they frame as they list, and distinguish them into noecks, as my Lord Major's Cook doth his custards: they cleanse them often, but it is as Physicians give their potions, more to catch the fish, than cast out the mud. Though their country be that of the main, yet every house stands as it were an Island, and that (though a Boor dwell in it) looks as smug as a Lady new-painted. A gallants masking suit fits not more neatly than a thatched cottage of many years wearing: if you find it dry, it is embraced with vines, and if lower seated, it is only a close harbour within a plump of Willows, and pleasant enough, as long as the dog-days last; but they overpast, you must practise wading or swimming; or remain prisoner till the Spring; only a hard frost with the help of sledges, may release you. The Bridge to this is an outlandish plank, with a box of stones to poise it with, like a Quintin; which with the least help, turns round like a Headsman, and when the master is over, stands drawn, and then he is in his Castle; 'tis sure his fear that makes him suspicious; therefore that he may see who enters, his window is ever over his door; But it may be to show his Pedigree; for (though his Ancestors were never known) their Arms are there, which in spite of the Herald, shall bear their achievements with the helmet of a Baron at least; marry the field perhaps shall be charged with baskets, to show his Father's trade portrayed. When you are entered, the first thing you shall encounter is a looking-glass, the next, the Vessels marshalled about the house like watchmen, all as near, as if they were in a Lady's Cabinet; for (unless it be themselves) none of God's creatures lose any of their native beauty there. Their houses (especially in the Cities) are the best eye-beauties in the Country, and in cost and sightliness, far exceed our English, wanting only their magnificence; Their lining are richer too, than their outsides, not in hang, but Pictures, which the poorest there are furnished with: Not a souter but hath his toys for ornament: were the knacks of all their houses set together, there were not such a Bartholomew-fayr in Europe. Their Artists (for these are as rare as thought) for they can paint a fathen in her feathers, and if you want their language, you may learn a great deal on the Signposts; what they are, they ever write under them; in that only they deal plainly, and by this device, hang more honesty than they keep. Their rooms are but several hand-boxes, wherein you must either swallow your spittle, or blush when you see a Mop brought in. Their beds are no other than Land-cabbins, high enough to need a Ladder or stairs; once up, you are walled in with wainscot; and that is good discretion, to avoid the making wills every night, for once falling out, will break your neck perfectly. But if you die in it, you leave your friends this comfort, that you died in clean linen. Whatsoever their estates be, their linen must be fine; therefore from Amsterdam they have banished Sea-coal; and lest it should soil their buildings, of which the Statelier sort are oft sententious, and in their fronts carry some conceit of the Author. Their houses they keep cleaner than their bodies, and their bodies than their souls. Go to one, you shall find the Andirons shut up in Network; at a second, the warming pan muffled up in Italian cutwork; at a third, the skimmer laid in Cambric. For their propension to Venery, 'tis true, their women are not so ready at a spurt; for neither are they so generally bred to it, nor are their men such linen lifters. Idleness and Courtship have not banished honesty thence. They tattle much, and do less, yet their blood runs high, and their veins are full, which argues strength; and if the Court turn them Gallants, they will take up the custom of entertaining Ladies: and having once done it, I believe they will be notable: for I have heard they trade more for love than money, but 'tis for the trick, not the man: and therefore when they like the labour, they will reward the workman: otherwise their gross feeding and clownish education hath spoilt them from being nobly minded. But I give you this on bare report, experience not having made me wise. They are generally boerish, yet may be bred Statesmen, none of them being so nice of Conscience, but they can turn out Religion, to let in Policy. Their Country is their God they worship, war their heaven, peace their hell, and the cross Spanjard their Devil, Custom is their Law, and Will their Reason: you may sooner convert a Jew, than make an ordinary Dutchman yield to arguments that cross him. An old Friar is sooner turned Puritan, than a Waggoner persuaded not to bait twice in nine miles. His soul is composed of English beer, and his body of pickled herring, which renders him costive and testy: these two with a little butter are the ingredients of a mere Dutchman, which a voyage to the East-Indies, by the heat of the Aequinoctial consolidates. If you see him fat, he hath been cooped in a root-yard, and that hath blubbered him. For their conditions, they are churlish, and (without doubt) very ancient: for they were bred before manners were in fashion. They should make good Justices, for they neither respect persons nor apparel. A Boer in his butter-slopps shall be equally entertained with a Courtier in his bravery. They are seldom deceived, for they trust no body; so by consequence they are better to hold a Fort than win it, yet they can do both. Trust them you must if you travel; for, to call for a bill to them, is to dive into a Wasps nest. Compliment is an idleness they were never trained up in; and it is their happiness that the Court hath not stolen away their minds: Their being Sailors and Soldiers, hath marred two parts already; and if they be bathed once in Court-oyle, they are painted trapdoors, and shall suffer the Jews to build a City where Harlem-mere is, then cozen them of it. They shall abuse a stranger for nothing, and after a few base terms, scratch one another to a Carbonadoe, as they flay Rochetts. Nothing can quiet them but money and liberty, which having gotten, they abuse both; but if you tell them so, you awake their fury; and you may sooner calm the Sea, than conjure that into compass again. They are all in a manner Aquatills, and therefore the Spanjards call them water-dogs. I agree not with them, yet I think they can catch a duck assoon. They love none but such as do for them; and when their turn is served, neglect them. They have no friends but their kindred, which meet at every wedding-feast, like Tribes among themselves. All that help them not, they hold Popish; and think it a piece of honesty to rail against the King of Spain. Their shipping is their Babel they boast of, for the glory of their Nation; it is (indeed) wonderful, and they will have it so. But, we may well hope, they will never be potent by Land, lest they show us how doggedlie they can insult where they get the mastery. Their Navies are the scourge of Spain, and pills wherewith they purge the Indies. Nature hath not bred them so active by Land as others; but at Sea they are Water-Devills, and attempt things incredible. Their Ships lie like high woods in winter; and if you view them on the North side, you will freeze: for they ride so thick, that through them you can see not Sun. Sailors with them, are as common as beggars with us. They can rail, swear, juggle, steal, and be lousy alike; but to examine the rest, a gleek of their knaves are worth a mourmeval of ours. All of them are Seamen born, and like Frogs can live on land or water. Not a thresher amongst them, but can handle an Oar, steer a Boat, raise a mast, and ken you over the roughest passage. Their Government is Democratical, and there had need be many Rulers over such a rabble of rude ones. Tell them of a King, and they will cut your throat in earnest; the very Name imports servitude; they spite it more than a Jew doth Bacon, or a Woodman, old-age. None among them hath any authority by inheritance; that were the way to parcel out the Country into Families. They are all chosen, as we choose Aldermen, more for their wealth than their wit, which they so over-affect, that mijn Heer shall pass the street like an old Ape, without a tail after him; and if they may be had cheap, shall daub his faced gown with a stiver-worth of pickled herring, which himself shall carry home in a string. The common voice hath given him pre-eminence, and he loathes it, living as when he was a Boer: but, if pardon be granted for what is past, they are about to think it time to learn more civility. Their Justice is strict, if it cross not policy; but rather than hinder trassique, they will tolerate any thing. There is not such a Den of subtle Foxes as Amsterdam, there you may be what beast you please, so you push not the State with your horns. It is an University of all opinions, which grow in it confusedly; as stocks in Norway, without order or pruning. If you be not settled in your Religion, you may there try all, and at last take what you list. The Papists there must not Mass it publicly, not because it is most hated, but because the Spaniard abridgeth the Protestant; and they had rather show a little spleen, than not cry quittance with the Enemy: This is their warrant, which they retaliate justly; and for this reason, rather than the Dunkirks shall want hanging, Amsterdam, which hath none of her own, will borrow a Hangman of Harlem. In their Families they are all Equals, and you have no way to find the Master and Mistress, unless it be in bed together; It may be those are they, otherwise Malkin will prate as much, laugh as loud, and fit on her tail as well as her Mistress. Had Logicians lived there first, father and Son had not so long passed for Relatives, they are there wholly individuals, for no demonstrance of duty or authority can distinguish them; as if they had been created together, and not successively born: the Mother bidding her Daughter good-night, and kissing her, is a punctual blessing. Your man shall be malepertlie saucy, and you must not strike him; if you do, he shall complain to the States, and have recompense. It is a dainty place to please boys in, for the father will bargain with the schoolmaster not to whip him, if he do, he will revenge him with his knife, and have law for it. Their apparel is civil enough, and good enough, but very uncomely; usually it hath more stuff than shape: only women's Trinkets are commodious in winter, but 'tis pity they have not the wit to leave them off when Summer comes. Some of their women would have good faces, if they did not mar them in the making. Men and Women are starched so blue, that when they grow old, you would verily think, you saw old winter standing up to the neck in a barrel of blue starch. The men are tolerably clad, unless they incline to the Sea-fashion, and then their slops yawn at the knees, as if they were about unmercifully to devour their shanks. They are far from going naked; for, of a whole woman you can see but a piece of her face as for her hands, they show her to be a shrewd labourer, which you shall always find, as it were in recompense, laden with rings, to the cracking of their fingers: and she will rather want meat, than a Cart-rope of silver, hung with keys. Their gowns are fit to hid great bellies; but they make them show so unhandsome, that men do not care to get them. Marry this you shall ever find to their commendations, their smocks are ever whiter than their skins, much cleaner, and far sweeter. They railat us for our various change of habit, but plead for their own more earnestly than lay-catholics for their faith, which they resolve to keep, because their Ancestors lived and died in it. For their diet, they eat much, and spend little; when they send out a fleet to the East-Indies, they live three months on the Offalis, which here would surfeit a swine. In their houses, roots and stockfish are staple commodities. At their feasts when they have flesh, they have the art to keep it hot, as long as our fleet-lane cooks do incaselled Pork. To a Feast they come readily, but once set, you must have patience, for they are longer eating their meat, than we in dressing it: You conclude Supper betimes, if you get away by daybreak. It is a piece of good manners (if there be any) to carry away a piece of Apple-pie in your pocket; their time they spend in eating well, drinking much, and prating most.  
In this progress you have seen somewhat of their evids; now observe them. Solomon tells us of four things very small, but full of wisdom; the Pismire, the Conie, the Spider, and the Grasho per, and they are all for providence. They are the Pismires of the world, who having nothing but what the grass yields them, are (yet) for all provisions become the store-house of Christendom. They are frugal to the saving of Eggshells, and maintain for a maxim, that many an old thing mended, will last longer than a new. Their Cities are their molehills, whence their ships and fly-boats creep and return, laden for winter with store. For dwelling in rocks, they are Comes; where have you under heaven, such impregnable Fortifications, where Art beautifies Nature, and Art makes Nature invincible? Indeed herein they differ; the Coneys find rocks, and they make them; and, as if they would invert Moses miracles, they ●aile them in the bosom of the waves of Bemsters' land, where within these eighteen years; Ships furrowed the pathless Ocean, the peaceful plough embowells the fruitful earth. For war they are Grasshoppers; for they go out without Kings. There is not in Europe, such a School of martial discipline. For Industry, they are Spiders; and live in the Palaces of Kings: None have the like intelligence. Their merchants are this day the greatest in the Universe. What Nation is it, where-into they have not insinuated themselves? nay, which they have not Anatomised and discovered the intricate veins of it? All they do, is with such labour, as it seems to be extracted out of their own bowels: and by them we may learn, that no rain fructifies like the dew of sweat. You would think (being with them) you were in old Israel; for there is not a beggar amongst them: if he be unable, he finds an Hospital; if he would departed, he shall have money for his Convoy; if stay, he shall have work. And, lest you should _____ in fruitless mourning, their burials end by two of the clock. Even their Bedlam is a place so curiously kept, that a Lord might live in it: Their Hospital might lodge a Lady; their Bridewell a Gentlewoman, and their common prison a rich Citizen: But, for a poor man, it is the best refuge; for, he that cast him in, must keep him there. Even their dwelling is a miracle: for, they live lower than the very Fish in the Lap of their floods, and incirculed in their watery camps, they seem like the Israelites passing the Red Sea. Their Walls wall them in: and if they open their Sluices, they drowned their enemies. Again, they are the Indian rats, gnawing the bowels of the Spanish Crocodiles, into which they got when they gaped to swallow them: they are the Serpents, wreathed about the legs of that Elephant his almost invincible innumerable Kingly titles, they are the Swordfish under the Whale: they are the war of that great Empire which increased in Isabel, and when Charles the fifth was at the full. They are the Glass wherein Kings may see, that nothing makes am over desperate rebellion, than Prerogatives too far urged; that oppression is to heat an iron, till it burn your hand; that an extreme taxation, is to steal away the honey, till the Bees leave the hive; that their own tyranny is the greatest enemy to their estate: that a desire of being too absolute, is to press a thorn that will prick you; that to debarr an Estate of ancient privileges, is to make a stream more violent by stopping it; that unjust policy is to shoot (as they did at Ostend) into the mouth of a charged Canon, and to have two bullets returned for one; that admonitions of a dying man are too serious to be neglected.  
To conclude, the Country itself, is a moated Castle keeping two of the richest jewels in the world in it, the Queen of Bohemia, and the Princess of Orange. The people are all Jews of the New Testament and in fine have changed nothing but the Law for the Gospel.  
FINIS.