Dead and Alive.  
This Ditty out of Glocestershire was sent  
To London, for to have it put in print,  
Therefore draw near and listen unto this,  
It doth concern a man that did amiss,  
And so to shun the anger of his wife,  
He thought with poison for to end his life  
But in the stead of poison he drunk Sack,  
For which his wife did soundly pay his back  
To the Tune of, Old flesh.  
 woodcut of three gentlemen around a table  

THere was a shaving roister  
as I heard many tell,  
In Michael Deans fair forest  
in Glostershire did dwell,  
Some called him William Wiseman  
but in that they were to blame.  
Some called him Leonard Lack-wit  
but that was not his name,  
His name was simplo Simon,  
as it is well approved.  
and amongst his friends& kinsfolks  
he dearly was beloved,  
He capored and vapored,  
and lived a merry life.  
But yet good man at all times  
he could not rule his wife.   

His wife she was a woman  
that loved a cup of Sack  
And she would tipple soundly  
behind her husbands back,  
A bottle she had gotten that  
would hold two quarts or more,  
Well filled with wine, she hanged it  
behind her Chamber door,  
And she  told unto her husband,  
that it was poison strong,  
And bade him not to touch it  
for fear of doing wrong,  
If thou drink but one drop on't,  
quoth she, 'twill cost thy life,  
Therefore in time take heed,  
and be ruled by thy wife.   

This Simons wife had plenty  
of fatting Hogs and Pigs,  
With geese, Ducks, Hens,& Turkies  
that laid great store of eggs  
Both sheep and such like cattle  
fine ewes, and pretty Lambs,  
Which up and down the forest  
did feed, and suck their Dams,  
She put trust to her husband,  
to look unto them all,  
To keep them safe from danger,  
now mark what did befall,  
He did his best endeavour  
to shun all kind of strife,  
And yet through strange misfortune  
he could not please his wife.   

One morning she sent him  
to field to keep her sheep,  
And charged him to be watchful,  
and take heed he did not sleep,  
A piece of bread and but●er  
she gave him in his hand,  
Whereby she made him promise  
to do as she did command,  
But see what happened to him,  
when he came to the field,  
He fell asleep while Foxes  
three of his Lambs had killed,  
This bread a great dissension,  
and raised a world of strife,  
Till Simon for his fault  
had begged pardon of his wife.   

The second part to the same Tune.  woodcut of gentlewoman  woodcut of praying man  woodcut of gentleman with sword  

ANother day she sent him  
her Ducks and goose to tend  
And charged him on her blessing  
he should no more offend,  
Her Goslings and her Chickens  
with him she put in trust,  
Who took a stick and  told them,  
so they we●e twenty ●ust,  
But a woeful chance befell to  
poor Simon before night,  
For seven of his best Chickens,  
were took prisoners by the Kite,  
This vexed him, and it made him  
half weary of his life,  
For he knew not what answer  
to make unto his wife,   

Next morning when that Simon  
was sent to milk the Cow,  
Another strange mis-hap there  
was done him by the Sow,  
For whilst that he was driving  
the little Pigs away,  
The Sow came into the dary-house  
and swig'd up all the whey,  
The Cheese out of the Cheese-fat  
she did both tear and hail,  
And so threw down the Cream-pot  
and made an end of all,  
Whereby she burst her belly,  
and so she lost her life,  
And poor Simon knew not what answer  
to make unto his wife.   

when's wife came in the daryhouse  
and saw what there was done  
A strong and fierce encounter  
she presently begun.  
She pulled him by the ears,  
and she wrung him by the nose,  
And she kicked him on the belly,  
while the tears run down his hose.  
And she vowed to be revenged  
before to morrow day  
For all her brood of Chickens  
which the Kite had carried away  
Poor Simon stood amazed  
being weary of his life,  
For he good man was tired  
with his unruly wife.   

For when that he perceived  
his wife in such a rage  
Not knowing how nor which way  
her fury to assuage,  
He cunningly got from her,  
and to the Chamber went.  
Thinking himself to poison,  
for that was his intent,  
So coming to the Bottle  
which ● spake of before.  
He thought it to be poison  
which hung behind the door.  
He vowed to drink i● all up  
and end his wretched life  
Rather than live in thraldom,  
with such a cursed wife.   

So opening of a window which  
stood towards the South  
He took the Bottle of Sack  
and set it to his mouth,  
Now will I drink this poison  
quoth he with all my heart,  
So that the first draft he drank on't  
he swallow d near a quart▪  
The second time that he set  
the bottle to his snout,  
He never left off swigging  
till he had sucked all out,  
Which done he fel down backward  
like one bereft of life,  
Crying out, I now am poisoned  
by means of my cursed wife.   

Quoth he, I féel the poison  
now run through every vain,  
It rumbles in my belly,  
and it tickles in my brain,  
It wambles in my stomach,  
and it malifies my heart  
It pierceth through my members,  
and yet I feel no smart,  
Would all that have cursed wives,  
would example take hereby,  
For I die as sweet a death sure,  
as ever man did die,  
'tis better with such poison  
to end a wretched life,  
Than to live and be tormented  
with such a wicked wife.   

Now see what followed after,  
his wife by chance did walk,  
And coming by the window,  
she heard her Simon talk  
And thinking on her bottle,  
she up the stairs did run,  
And came into the Chamber  
to see what he had done.  
When as she saw her husband  
lying drunk upon his back  
And the bottle lying by him  
but never a drop of Sack  
I am poisoned I am poisoned  
quoth he long of my wife  
I hope I shall be at quiet,  
now I have lost my life.   

Pox take you are you poisoned  
quoth she I now will strive  
And do my best endeavour  
to make you run alive  
With that a quill of powder  
she blew up in his nose  
Then like a man turned frantic  
he presently arose  
So down the stairs he run strait  
into the open street  
With hooping and with hallowing  
to all that he did meet.  
And with a loud voice cried out  
I am raised from death to life  
By virtue of a powder that  
was given me by my wi●e.   

Some folks that did behold him  
were in a grievous fear  
For seeing of a mad man  
they durst not come him near  
He leaped and he skipped  
thorough fair and thorough foul  
Whilst the people gazed upon hin  
like pies upon an Owl  
His wife she followed after  
thorough thick and thorough thin  
And with a basting cudgel  
she soundly badg'd his skin  
And thus poor Simon cried out,  
I am raised from death to life,  
By virtue of a powder ●●at  
was given me by my w●se.   

At last a friend of Simons  
which was to him some kin  
By fair and kind persuasions  
opened door and let him in  
He sent for Simons wife, and  
so made them both good friends,  
Who kindly kist each other,  
and so all discord ends.  
The neighbours all rejoiced  
to see them thus agreed  
And like a loving couple  
to bed they went with speed.  
No doubt but simplo Simon  
that night well pleased his wif●  
For ever since that time, he  
hath lived a quiet life.    
FINIS.  
L. P.   

London, Printed for F. G. on Snow-hill. Entered according to Order.