A Letter to Dr. Tancred Robinson, in Answer to some Passages in His to Mr. Wotton, relating to Mr. Harris' Remarks on some Late Papers, etc.  
SIR,  
YOU are pleased to say you have had very ill Treatment from me, though you believe, I never saw you, nor ever received any Affront or Injury by your means. 'Tis true indeed that (to my knowledge) I never did see you; as also that I know of no Affront or Injury you ever did or occasioned me. And I do here assure you, that it was no Private disgust at Dr. T.R. that induced me to write the Discourse that so much offends you, but a Resolution to bestow some Remarks on those who from such poor Piques will set themselves by secret and unfair ways to oppose Truth, Undermine Religion and True Philosophy, and Blast the Reputation of those that endeavour to propagate them. But wherein I have ill Treated you, I shall particularly inquire. And first, you charge me with Insinuating that you are the Beast L. P. and that therefore I have fallen heavily on the Introduction to Sir John Narborough, etc. To which I answer, that I no where call L. P. Beast, nor directly charge the Essays on you. 'Tis true, I hint now and then that there are some passages in them very like your way of writing; and by what you used to talk about Town before the publication of them, as well as what you are now pleased to Acknowledge, 'tis plain without going any further, there is ground enough for an Insinuation of that nature. The Reason why I cited some things out of your Writings, was both because (as I said just now) I found a strange agreement in Sense and Style between them and those of L. P. and also that I found several passages there liable to just Exception: and why I may not make Remarks on such, wherever I find them, you have not yet convinced me.  
You solemnly declare you are not the Author of the two Essays; And yet you own that you assisted towards the Composition of that Elaborate Pamphlet, being induced to it, not by any motives of Reason, but (such is your soft, gentle and Christian meekness) by a Private disgust at D. W. But since you say you are sorry that you were tempted to cast your Eyes on some vicious Fragments of those Patched Essays, and also that the Author hath made such an ill use of your kind furnishing him with Books and Letters: I declare I am sorry too, that you did not prohibit the Publication of those Patched Essays, and which had not you, as you say, touched here and there, I had never touched you. You must therefore Sir, thank yourself for the unkind Animadversions you complain of; which how unkind soever they may appear to you, I am sure are not unjust.  
You say indeed, that I have a peculiar faculty of bringing forth Monsters, catching here and there a line, and sometimes single words, piecing them together into one ridiculous Paragraph. Had you proved this, Sir, 'twould lie as hard on me, as now it doth on you; but the Instance you give is very short of it. You say, I introduce on my Stage the Monkeys and Apes (as before I had done False Dice and Trick Tack) which if any one thinks it worth his labour to compare with your Letter to Mr. Ray, he will soon discover the Venom and Ulcer of this Mercurial Remarker. But, Sir, your Invention it seems is much better than your Eyesight, for I make no mention of False Dice any where, and not of Tickleman Tack till 76 pages after this: And for the Monkeys and Apes, 'twas yourself introduced them on the English Stage; as will plainly appear if the Reader please to peruse that Letter of yours. In the Place you refer to, viz. p. 51. of my Remarks, I urge against L. P. that though it could be proved that the Fossil Shells were not deposited, where they are found, by the Deluge, yet would it not thence follow, that they were not Shells at all: And for this I bring the Testimony of the most Learned Doctor T. R. who though he thought some of these Bodies might be scattered up and down the Earth by Encampments of Armies, etc. or by Apes and Monkeys: yet calls them Shells notwithstanding. Now in this, Sir, I do you no wrong, for the Passage in your Letter to Mr. Ray is only a little longer, but to the very same sense. Say you there Mr. Loubere, the late French Envoy to Siam, affirms that the Monkeys and Apes are almost continually carrying Shells, and other Marine Bodies from the Seaside up to the Mountains. All I can be culpable for here, is only that I did not cite the Authority from whence you had this Observation, and that I call that your Opinion, which you had from Mr. Loubere. And is it not so? done't you bring this as one way, by which Shells may come to the Tops of Hills? Mr. Loubere perhaps was so happy as to see the Monkeys and Apes about this important work; his therefore was knowledge, and yours that relate it from him in that Letter, is Opinion of the Truth of that Fact: which is all I say of it. And therefore, wherein the Barbarity, Ulcer and Venom of this matter lies, you would have done better to have demonstrated, than to have charged it unjustly and unfairly upon me, without doing so.  
Next, Sir, you charge me with Jirking at the Boiling and Burning Fountains, which you are pleased to say, are not so much as warm, and even actually cold (vid. My Remarks p. 59) And really, Sir, I can't but think still, that you deserve a little Animadversion for that manner of expressing yourself. For if by Boiling and Burning, you mean as other People do, and according to the true signification of those words, you will find very few Persons that will believe the Fact you Relate, viz. that Boiling and Burning Fountains are actually cold. But if by Boiling you mean nothing but a Fountain's bubbling up, I can't see what need there is of a Pompous Account of such a Fountain: For wherever there is a great Pressure or weight of Water, and the Orifice of the Spring but Narrow: Or wherever any Air or Vapour comes out along with the Water, there this mighty Phaenomenon of the Bubbling or Boiling of the Water will follow: And yet it will be no great news to tell the World that you have seen a Spring bubble up, whose Water is cold. And then as to Burning; if by it you mean no burning of the Water at all, but only, an irruption of some Sulphurous or Bituminous Vapours at, or near the Fountain Head (which was the Case of the Spring near Wigan in Lancashire, Phil. Trans. N. 26.) I think still you had as good not have called it a Burning Fountain: And 'tis your pretty wording of it only, that I find fault withal; being satisfied there is in nature in many Places, something like what you mean, without desiring any old Woman to pour those Fountains into my Skull, which (by a way peculiar to you) you say she can so easily do.  
After this you tell Mr. Wotton that I have some where or other, though where you know not, a very nauseous piece of Scurrility on himself for his Laborious and Accurate Account of Agostino Scylla: Now Sir, since you discourage Mr. Wotton from Reading my Book, by a witty Argument drawn from its price, you ought to have been so just and kind as to have quoted that Nauseous and Scurrilous Passage: But the mischief is, there is no such thing there. I never mention Mr. Wotton once in all my Book, nor do I charge the Extract of Scylla on him: Indeed I say, that Extract is liable to Exceptions, and that I can prove it, and I say now that the Extracter shall have that Proof whenever he desires it. But where is the Nauseousness and Scurrility of this: Alas, 'tis only a poor disingenuous Artifice of yours to prejudice Mr. Wotton and draw him into your Quarrel; and you practise the very same with reference to Dr. Hook, Mr. Ray, and Dr. Lister: which I doubt not, but those Gentlemen are well ware of: And now Sir, having finished my Answer to the great Charge against me; pray give me leave to ask you a few Questions, and so I will leave you.  
And first Sir, I would fain know whether your calling such pretty Gentile Names as you do, such as, Buffoon, Mountebank, Scaramouch, and Harlequin, Draw-Can-Sir, Leviathan, Fitz-Harris, Pueril Declamator, etc. be suitable to that Christian Meekness, and to those soft and gentle Instructions you have so often been (as you say) inspired withal? and whether it be agreeable to the kind promise you made of not treating me after my own Petulant and Inhuman Manner? and whether this be not a little suspicious and most disagreeable to the refined part of Mankind? to give it in your own way. 2dly. May not a man that so soon forgets his promised way of handling Mr. Harris, forget also whether he ever knew the Author of the two Letters or not? for indeed Sir, there are in them (as I observe in my Remarks) so many things agreeable to the Style and manner of writing used by L. P. that they would tempt any one to think they had the same Original. And truly Sir, there are even in this very Letter of yours a great many Touches which are very like the Masterly hand of L. P. such as the Ulcer and Venom of this mercurial Remarker: ducking in a mighty Volume of vanity: Every old Woman's being able to pour the Boiling and Burning Fountains into my skull: And that concluding piece of Elegance, that you are not affected with the Grimaces of Buffoons, and Mountebanks, unless by way of Laughter as in this J. H. his Remarkable Theatre of Scaramouch, and Harlequin: Judge you now of this Hue-in-cry from your Brother of Winchelsey: All which I think are enough to justify a Remark I have made at the top of my 51 Page: Which I will not here repeat, but leave you to consider of it at your Leisure.  
I am, SIR, Your humble Servant. J. H.