ΨΟΝ Θ ΟΝ Φ ΑΝχΊΑ▪ OR, A Quintuple Rosie-crucian SCOURGE For the due Correction of that Pseudochymist and Scurrilous empiric, Geo. Thomson.  
Being in part a Vindication of the Learned Society of Physitians.  
By J. Heydon Gent. φιλονομὸσ, A Servant of God, and Secretary of Nature.  
{αβγδ}.  Menand. Cyril. adv. Julian. lib. 7. Dura nimis est ingenuae cum meretrice contestatio. 
For Fools that Rave and Rage, not knowing why;  
A SCOURGE is far more fit, then a REPLY!  
LONDON: Printed Anno Domini, 1665.   

ΨΟΝ Θ ΟΝ Φ ΑΝχΊΑ▪ OR, A Quintuple Rosie-crucian Scourge, &c.  
WIthout either Preface, Proeme or Exordium, my business at the present is to deal with one G. Thomson, a grand Empyrick and Pseudo-Chymist; and although I was not easily inclined to match my hate so low, and therefore have passed by his provocations in his former inveterate and malicious Pamphlets, yet lest it should be said that no man durst become the colleges Champion, and take this wild Boar by the Tusks, I was at length resolved( with Gods assistance) to chastise and correct his impudent and insolent attempts upon the Honour of that Learned Society, and other Learned Galenists and chemists, of which venerable and vast number, I must aclowledge myself minimus.  
And indeed when I considered that this Son of the fifth of November, hath done nothing but made Squibs and Crackers, and great Noises; thereby taking occasion to ventilate his Spleen and gull, he having no other way( it seems) left him to dispose of that black and hellish Furniture of his Hibernian Soul;( his feminine sufferer being long since departed, that principally used to share therein) I began to question sometimes with myself, whether there were any need to acquaint the world with the impudence and folly of so worthless a fellow. But since he hath been pleased not only to speak proud words, and make great Brags; but to fall upon me also, by the final letter of my Christian name, and initial of my surname; and having first abused me otherwise in his unjust pretence to chemistry, viz. in pilfering what he glories in from my several works extant, and wrong my Medicines into other names, and thence adopting them his own brats: whereas his dull brains never travelled with such admirable and useful discoveries; I having for many years last past been an instructor of many Nobles and Peers not only of this, but other Nations, in the mysteries of chemistry and the Hermetique Philosophy; of which the world, and my many elaborate Pieces published, are eminent and conspicuous Evidences. These things( I say) considered, I hold myself in point of Honour concerned to become my own Compurgator; although it be by the full anatomizing of this bold Brute in good manners, and Mosstrooper in true chemistry.  
Now whereas he pretends himself a Doctor in physic, he must give me leave to deny it: and my Negation I will fortify by the several Reasons and Arguments following. 

1. By his own acknowledgement he was but a chirurgeons apprentice at the first; by which opportunity he conveniently became acquainted with a few conjuring terms, and hard words, which ignorant people believe can proceed from none but a Doctor! but I must tell them, every loud noise is not Thunder; nor is a chirurgeon a Doctor, although many( in favour of the Art, and for its dependency upon, and near relation to, Learning) have given that respective epithet to some of his Profession; neither did ever any ingenious Artist accept of that Title as his own merit, but as the respect of his Friend that afforded it him, though Mr. Th. wiser then the wisest of them, arrogantly writes himself Doctor.  
2. If he be a Doctor, he must proceed so, either of Merit, or Grace; of Merit it cannot be, because he never was of proper standing for it, in an University; and if it was of Grace, let him tell us where it was? and when? and who it was that presented him? and for what? and then we shall be able to judge of the matter better.  
3. It seems improbable, that he should receive such honour from any University; because they commonly prefer Persons meritorious; and sweat them to observe and preserve the honour of Learning, and Learned men: But this man instead of that, makes it his main business to strike at the root of the one, and ruin of the other. Ergo, no true qualified Doctor.  
4. If he be a Doctor( as it appears he hath a months mind to be, by his writings) certainly he had such a creation, as an impudent Vintue:( who pretended himself a Preacher) had Ordination; viz. from a Captain of a Ship: who being a year or two accustomend to the profaning of the Pulpit, refused at last to take to his Profession again; deeming the said Captains Ordination good enough; as without doubt it was, for so unsanctified a fellow. Indeed many such Hedge-Doctors and Hellish Preachers we have now adays; the first serving to glut the Grave with murdered carcases, the other to sand Souls to Perdition.    
But to pass by his Doctorship( for if he will needs be a Doctor, let him be one: I'll not trouble his Title, if he let but Me, and my Friends escape his Pills) I come in the next place to consider his late idle Pamphlet.  
1. Whereas he boldly vaunts of his Loimologia; I assert there is nothing in it( I mean worthy) that is not taken out of my Theomagia, or Temple of Wisdom, in the second and fourth p●rts thereof, as any that please may red: but I have not( I confess) taught him to throw dirt in the face of Physicians, either there or any where else; that must therefore be an impudent Addition of his own. And whereas he entitles that Pamphlet of Plagiarism, Loimologia; and Englishes it, a Consolatory Advice, &c.[ which is right Bear-garden translation:] He might more truly have called it, Ἀπταλογά, or a delusory device; his impudent aim therein, being onely to pick up a few beggarly pence out of the Pockets of poor people, by persuading them that he is more knowing then a grave and long continued Society of Learned and experienced men in the Art of Medicine: never all this while considering how impossible it is in reason, for a pitiful Dwarf to throw off a Giants Cap.  
2. For his commending of his own Antidotes and Preservatives, &c. I would fain know of him, if there be so much virtue and power in them, and this by him understood; What is the reason that himself did not prove the truth thereof, in the fortifying of his own phlegmatic body, before he adventured to dissect the Corps of a Patient( that as I heat, non obstante his quacking skill, dyed under his Butcherly hands) but was forced( like other ignorants) from that undertaking, to fall a Sacrifice to sickness, and to his own confidence and shane together?— If he knew the preparation of my Tinctura Polycaea truly, I grant he might perform admirable Cures thereby; but I deny that he understandeth it; for had he so done, himself should never have yielded to sickness no more then I, though he had been dissecting Pestilential bodies a year together.  
The true Tinctura Polycaea, I have largely treated of in my Holy Guide, parts the second and third; and therein have given such real demonstrations of its true but incredible effects, that the like Medicine is not in the world as yet discovered, it going beyond the best preparation of my rosy Crucian Pantarva; with which I have renewed the Youth of persons Aged, and brought a spring into the bones of such persons, that have been totally frost-bitten with age. But what do I mention these things to him, that understands no● Venus from a Hogg, one who is little better then a Thief of the second head, that will be twattling and prattling of Robin hood, though he yet never shot in his Bow?  
3. Whereas this Posteriors of a true physician is grieved, that some of the college left the City in this Pestilential time; I shall tell him, that they did no more now then in other Summers they were wont; they being persons of eminent Fortune, as well as Learning. And without doubt this Paltry Fellow would have done so too, had he had any abiding place to have flown unto; but having none, was forced to tarry in his Garret near Aldgate, cracking of Nuts in his two-penny Crucible, and venting his malice against those worthy persons, many of which would scorn to accept him for their Groom: perhaps his abode there was one main reason that the Bills of that Parish increased to so vast numbers. And yet this brain-sick Fellow cannot be quiet, but like the tail-less Fox, is angry that those Learned Physitians are not as bare and beggarly as himself.  
4. For his boasting profanely of Helmonts name, I must tell him, that Helmont may be somewhat to eat for ought he knoweth of him. Helmont was a worthy Learned Person, and of the first Order of the Rosie-crucians, and not a pitiful Quack like Thomson. But see more of Helmont in my Harmony of the World, my Rosie-crucian Axiomata, and the second part of my Wisemans Crown.  
5. For his impudent challenge to the Galenists, to take a portion of the corruption of a Plague-sore inwardly: I answer, That it is beneath a General of an Army to play at Cudgels; or else his impudence might be answered. But what is there in his challenge more, then if an impudent Attorney should challenge a Lord Chief Justice to moot with him? or a Junior Sophister to go about to mate a governor of a Castle or City in the Politiques? would not the one deserve the Fleet, and the other the Stocks? surely yes.— But to pass this, I would advice G.T. to propose his impudent desires to some of his Brethren the Common Mountebanks; with whom ( sine dubio) his motion may find acceptance: but he had best bē certain of his Antidote, lest the trial prove as dangerous to him, as did his presumptuous dissecting of the Corps of his dead Patient.  
Besides, I must tell him that the matter he moulds into a challenge, hath nothing of wonder or danger in it at all, excepting the unlucky ingredient of his own frontless impudence: For who knoweth not that the Ichorous venom he mentioneth is of human Essence? how then can it be dangerous? Fulsome we allow it, but not Fatal; nor any more hurtful, then Maggots in Nuts, or Mites in Cheese. Nay, I am ap● to believe G.T. is of the same opinion also, and probably makes it a principal part of his diet; and that may be one reason he is so subject to the Glanders, as is plain by his so resolute slinging about his filth, that he careth not into whose face it lighteth: But every man knows, that he which is impudent, must needs be a heretic in good manners. I will not charge G.T. as guilty of so much knowledge in chemistry, as to understand what Helmonts Archaeus means, or what my Gamahe's signify: if he have a mind to inform his judgement herein, let him red my Elhavareuna.— In the interim, I shall make this Anti-challenge to him, viz.— to take ten drops of Aqua Heydoniana, and myself will take double the quantity; and let him take his Antidote, and I will take none at all:( for he is no true chemist, whose body is not always prepared) and then let the World judge who comes nearest the elixir, a Quack, or a true chemist! Thomson or Heydon!  
6. For his abusing the late Lord Mayor, because he did not employ his Quack-ship; I see not but so gross a piece of impudence and daring ought to be requited by the Beadle of Bridewell; whose chastising hand might soon let out that corrupt humour, that irritates his Frenzy to so great a height, that not only a learned college, but Magistracy itself must be confronted by it.  
7. For his enumerating several disgraceful epithets together, as Wizard, Figure-caster, &c. since he makes no particular application of them, I shall not presume to dive into his m●licious thoughts about them: Howbeit, I must tell him he hath done but churl-like, in inviting Guests, and making only a Feast for himself. And for that particular Predicter he idly hints at, if he mean thereby any one that studies Astrology; I tell him, the Stars shall shine, and their Studies be honoured, while such vermin as Thomson shall be scorned both of God and man. But why do I interest myself in anothers quarrel? that Predicter( whoever he be) if at least he deserves that appellation) is certainly able to vindicate himself from this malicous Fellows Scomma's, and will so without doubt, if the thoughts of an impar congressus prevent not.  
Lastly, For the Conjunction of Mercury with Sol and Luna, as he simply mentioneth, I must be content to guess at what he intends, as himself doth at the Distempers of his deluded Patients. He must thereby mean either a real, or Metaphorical Conjunction; if a real one, let him show it us in his Ephemerides, if he can; there having been hardly such a Conjunction( perhaps) since he first saw the Expansium of light: but we will allow him capable of coining crotchers and conceits in Astronomy, as well as in chemistry. But if he mean a Metaphorical Conjunction, and thereby allude to the late villainous Theft committed upon the Treasury of the college; may it not reasonably be presumed, that himself had a hand in the Robbery? I am sure such an impudent boasting may well suggest to those Learned losers a jealousy thereof; from whence they might( upon suspicion at least) make him answer their Indictment at a Bar of Justice, amongst his Fellow impudents, and perhaps Quondam Companions.  
From our Virgin Palace in Hermeupolis, Die ♂ Nov. 21.10 h. P.M. 1665.  
FINIS.