The Man of Destiny's hard Fortune; OR, Squire Ketch's DECLARATION.  
CONCERNING His late Confinement in the Kings-Bench and Marshalsea.  
Whereby his hopeful Harvest was like to have been blasted.  
TOGETHER With his happy deliverance and promising prospect of increasing Trade, to the great joy of himself and his magnificent Family.  
AND Several choice Observations Political and Moral, relating to the present juncture of his Eminences arduous Affairs.  

With Allowance.   
LONDON Printed for T. M. 1679.   

THE Man of Destiny's hard FORTUNE; OR, Squire Ketch's DECLARATION.  
AFTER such a multitude of signal good Services performed by my redoubted hand, so many Heros vanquished, so many distressed Ladies put out of their pain; Labours undertook beyond the skill of Dun, or courage of Hercules, Monsters subdued more mischievous than ever Saint George fought with, or Sir John Mandevil wrote of; after so many Traytors barred from telling of Tales,( no small Obligation to their Friends and complices left behind) so many happy Divorces legally made between the howling Spouse and the smiling Husband, the wry-neckt Husband and the well-pleased Spouse, dissolving a Westminster Wedding with the laudable Ceremony of White-Gloves, and a Hempen Collar for Mourning; after these and a thousand other meritorious achievements, shall the famous, the well-known, the redoutable, the dreadful Squire catch, Death's Harbinger, Pluto's Van-courrier, Vice-roy of Fate, and sole Monarch of the Triple Throne, now tamely be Catch-pol'd, Nabb'd, spirited, Shoulder-dabb'd, Enchanted, Lavender'd, and laid up in pickle in one of the Devil's Pepper-boxes? Shall I that have made out so many Habeas Corpus's not returnable till Doomsday; put so many hundreds to the Grand Out-lawry, which all the Justice-splitters between Chancery-lane and Hell are never able to reverse; now truckle to the Jurisdiction of a Rascally sneaking Bum and his Captains. How durst the Varlets, knowing their own merits, attach my venerable person, without dreading Revenge, when Justice ere long shall submit them to my mercy? Lies it not in the power of my Art to cure all Diseases, of which our impudent Quacks, in their lying Bills, only pretend the Remedy? Have not I the undoubted Faculty of turning those into very handsome, well-favour'd Gentlemen in pitying Ladies Eyes, who all their lives were counted most ugly Rogues, before they came into my Clutches? Nay, is not R●me beholding to my pains for many of her Saints, who must obtain from me a Certificate of their Merits, and get a passport from my Office, before the Pope, with all his Infallibility, will venture to Canonize them? And is it not a thousand pities a person of such Quality and Endowments should whither in a loathsome hole amongst Bankrupts and Tatterdemallions, converse with lousy Pump-suckers, or be made free of the Worshipful Company of Peggmakers, when there are so many notable brave Fellows abroad that need and deserve his most intimate acquaintance? I shall never forget the Affronts put upon me by those saucy Companions in my late Captivity; the jeers, the flouts, the thumps, and base usages I received from them: and why all this? because, forsooth, I was the Hangman; as if the Grand Executioner of Justice, that has done many a Gentleman a courtesy, and hopes in due time to converse with others, were not Company good enough for such Raggamushins? But that which most of all vexed my Guts, was the cause of my being impounded, and the unlucky time of it: The first was that ill favoured Crime, suspicion of Debt, which I hate for my part beyond all the seven deadly Sins; for most other Offences bring some Grist to my Mill, but what shall I get by Folks running into other peoples Books? 'tis true your subtle Bankrupts, that crack for thousands, and, like Nine-pins tip down half a dozen honest depending tradesman, crushing them, their Wives and Children, to the third and fourth Generation, with their fall, are in my simplo Opinion as mischievous vermin, as he that Mins a bung, or plays the Man-midwife to a big-bellyed Portmanteau on the high Pad; yet still give me the lofty generous Villain, that cries, The more danger the more honour; and will rather fright than wheadle Folks out of their Pence: Were it not for such high mettled Lads, what should poor Jack do for Coats, Cravats, and periwigs: But it was not only Debt, but on a most pitiful score too; had it been for Nappy Bub, or flaming Kill-Devil, I could have been content to have suffered a short Martyrdom; but to be charged with two and twenty Pounds, and odd Farthings, for Milk, Oh abominable! The World sure will scandalise me for a Milk-sop, and think I fed like an old britain, on nothing but Cows-baubby, drink only Whey like a Swine, or stuff my Guts every day with Fools, White-pot, and Custard.  
Then as to the Time, the Critical Time, not a long Vacation, but full Term, an opportunity for business under the most propitious Influences, for people of my profession, that had been known in the memory of Man; to be taken off from ones Employment in such a juncture fretted me so, that I was ready to bestow on myself a Cast of my Office.  
Alas! How many Crosses and Casualties are we poor tradesman liable to? There have, within this twelve Monthes, above twenty dyed in my Debt, having never a Shirt on: Then a Burghlary was committed upon my Shop, and two of the principal Apartments of that ancient edisice stolen away. Nay of late, because there began to be some small springlings of a Trade, the Rope-maker began to turn Extortioner, and swore he would raise the price of Halters; and a Rascally Popish Priest, that promised me five pound for some relics of a late Martyr, is run into Flanders, and left me in the lurch. But thank my Stars, I am got out of Limbo, and thought fit to signify so much to the world, that all persons of Quality that have occasion to make use of me, may know where to find me: I hope I shall weather all my troubles, there shortly begins a Grand Mart in the Old-Bayly, and other Customers are coming on apace; If things fadge right, I doubt not but before midsummer to have twenty guineas with an Apprentice, and, in a Calesh of my own, wait upon my well-beloved Sons in a Cart or Sledg, when they perform their last Pilgrimage to TYBURN.  
FINIS.