MENDACIMASTIX OR, A WHIP FOR THE TOLOSAN liar, Being A Brief ANSWER, TO THE RELATJON OF TWO INUISIBLE Old Men. Reported to be seen in Tholouze in France: IN A LETTER Sent from a Friend in London, to the French PSEUDOGRAPHIR.  
Lying SIR,  
I Question not, but this will come safe to your Hands, by the Invisible Post, as well as yours came to mine, by the flying Packet from Tholouze, for it made devlish hast, being Dated from that City, being in Narbonne in the farthest part of France, the 18 of August 1680. and on the 17th it was Printed and cried about the Streets, being the next day. liars ought to have good Memories, for in framing lies, there is required something more than h●dling Words together, and sweet S●r, you have made yours so very Monstrous, that it hath not the sweet Face of a likely lie, nor the pleasant one of a Rom●nce, but looks like its own Father the Devil, the Author of lies, your Date at the first dash were enough to Convince any one, that is not of the college of Bethlem, of the Monstrosity of the Fiction, and it would be but holding a Candle in a clear Sun-shiny Day, to use Words or Arguments to persuade an●; that your whole Full and Exact Relation, is a very Full and Exact lie, However, since this is a Sc●ibling Age, and that perhaps I have as little to do as you, when you Inven●ed it, I shall make some few remarks on your false Story. Had I been to have advised you, you should have laid the Scene of this lie, at a greater Distance, either in T●rra Incogni●a, or Utopia, Atlantis or some of those Regions▪ for Th●louze is a little too near, and the Fraud may be too soon discovered, perhaps before your next Packet comes▪ which you have promised from Rome, so that it seems you are a Retainer to these Invisible old Apostles, and keep' ●m C●mpany in their Journey. Apostles! and why Apostles? My thinks you might better have thought on the Notion of the two Witnesses: Muggleton, and his cursing Companion and fellow shoemaker I wou●d have passed better with the Fifth Monarchy Men: but i● they are Apostles you might have made them about six hu●dred years older, and then they might have been taken by the Romanists or St. James and St. John or some of Chris●s apostles, that had got a a new Resurrection, or else had not been Martyred according to Tradition. Then they came from Damas●us a City in Gal●ile, I think you are not Skilled in Cosmography, for we never Heard or red of such a City in Gallily, but in Syria▪ the Seat now of a Turkish Bashaw. But 'tis no matter it seems whence they came, but most likely from Damascus in the Moon, or in Fary-L●nd, for they dropped down Invisibly into Tholouse: For says, the Learned ●amphlet: No person ever saw them to enter into the City: This is the first Truth in the Letter, and I believe it. It had methinks been worth your while to have described their Extraordinary habit, and you would have us suppose their clothes, are as old as themselves, and that I am very apt to Believe too, ●or no doubt they were created together out of the noddle of the Writer. Some Taylors, especially the French Taylors here in London wo●ld have been glad to have known this Extraordinary Fash●on▪ and it might have made your Pamphlet ●ell the better▪ but it seems your Fa●c● was J●ded. But why in the Name of Belz●bub, dropped they first into ●holovse? I never heard that City to have been a S●dom before, my thinks you might have better d●op● them into Rome, or in Geneva, in th● last if thou ar● a Rom●n▪ in the first if a Fana●ick liar. But now I have found it out, you would give them a journey over the Alps to Rome that 〈◇〉 in London may have a second entertainment of their Adventures in that place▪ from you their Invisible S●cret●●y▪ observe also that they are very Learned Men, and can dispute in L 〈…〉, Gi●●●, H●brew, and Chalde▪ and since the Jesu●tes, cannot convert them, would mak● u●e of their ordinary way to confounded them with Imprisonment and Chains made of strong and heavy Iron, Spanish I on without doubt. But 'tis well for them they could so easily break them▪ no doubt but they deserve to be made Saints▪ who were before Apostles. God bless us! ten years and the World is at an end; I would fain know( if you have any Land) what you would take for the Reversion of it after 1690. But we have a Doomsday Sedgwick in our lunatic times, and need not go to France to know times and Seasons. But 'tis well these invisible Apostles are going to his Holiness, who wants much the Advice of such ancient Saints, since he will not believe the Writings of St. Paul, St. John. St. James and St. Peter; he may be instructed by these of the old and t●●e Institutions, and that he may make a thorough Reformation of all Superstition and false Doctrine, under which his Holiness Flock lies. I wonder that the French King did not lay hold on them, and set 'em up for Popes in Paris, now he has ordered his Cler●y to make no Appeal to Rome. But I cannot yet learn, what the Religion of these old I●visible Men should be; by their eating ●read and drinking Water, they should be no P●e●byteri●ns, 〈◇〉 by their preaching to the People to do Pennance, they should be roman-catholics of the last Edition, or Scotch Master Johns But we have trifled with this ridiculous story too long, and shall now end with a loving advice: That the next lie you frame to delude poor ignorant silly Women, Children and Melanccholly Sots, and Religious Dreamers, may be done with more probability, and that you get a more cunning Mephostophilus to help you, and that you meddle not with Religion, and put lie● and abuses upon Professions: or rather, since lying is a sinful though thriving Calling, that you employ the little Wit you have some other way; for though no man or Woman that has common undcrstanding will believe you, yet there are many among the V●lgar, whose Wits are ● Woolgathering, that think all true they see in print, and can swallow as great a lie as this, and perhaps have imagined as much in their chimerical Fancies, therefore good lying Friend, if we hear no more of your two invisible Apostles, the people will believe very rationally, that they brok● their Necks going over the Alps to Rome, and that the Devil carried away their Secretary a Pick-Pack to Hell for his gross and foolish Lying.  
FINIS.   

Printed by D. Mallet. 1680.