Mrs. ABIGAIL; OR, A Female Skirmish BETWEEN The Wife of a Country Squire, AND The Wife of a Doctor in Divinity. WITH REFLECTIONS THEREUPON.  
In a Letter to a Friend.  
LONDON, Printed for A. Baldwin in Warwick-Lane. 1700. Price 4d.   

Mrs. ABIGAIL: OR, A Female Skirmish, &c.  
SIR,  
IT was with no small satisfaction that I red yours of the 10th instant. I hearty congratulate your good success, and have imparted it to the rest of your Friends here, and we are all extremely well pleased with it. I was much surprised to find that the Report of the Female Skirmish, which so lately happened in our Parish, hath already spread itself so far: and to satisfy the Curiosity you say you have to understand the matter at large, I have here given you a true Account of it, and some Remarks of my own thereupon.  
Mr. S. my Neighbour is a Gentleman of near 1000 l. a year, descended to him from a long Series of Ancestors; hath served his King and Country in several eminent Stations, and married a Lady of an ancient Family, who brought him several thousand Pounds to her Portion.  
Some years since there arrived in these parts a little diminutive Sir John, who had spent some time in the University, where he was a poor Scholar, and went on the Errands of several of the Gentlemen of his College; and with the help of that and the College-Broth, made a shift to pick up a sorry Livelihood. His Father( while he lived) kept a blind Victualling-House, and his Mother this day is a reverend Ale-wife: And tho his Friends were poor, and could no way help him, yet he got wherewith to take his degrees of bachelor, and afterwards of Master of Arts.  
He came hither in hopes of a small Curacy under a fat person of our Country, who had swallowed more Livings than he could well digest; but taking in too much Claret to help his Concoction, kicked up his heels soon after the arrival of our little Dominus vobiscum, who by that means( in spite of the Proverb) might have died of Hunger, had not a Gentleman of Estate and Quality not far off, took this Priest-Errant into his House, to initiate his Son in the Latin Tongue, where our Sir John performed all the spiritual Drudgeries of the Family, blessed the Meat with a singular good Grace, and had the honour of sitting at the lower end of the Table, from whence( according to his bound Duty) he always very mannerly arose at the serving in of the second Course, and, with a Bow as low as to the Altar, took with him the Plate he had eat on: And in process of time skrewing himself into the good Graces of Mrs. Abigail my Lady's waiting Woman, a Match was struck up between them, and( with the good liking of their Master and Lady) they were coupled together; and the first Living that fell in his Master's Gift, was( according to the laudable Custom where the Patron had been beforehand with the Chaplain) bestowed upon him: which( tho a very good one, yet) did not satisfy him, but in a short time up he comes for London, and having made an interest in some of the great ones, plies Whitehal without intermission, Sunday itself not excepted; on which morning constantly about 10 of the Clock, he never failed( together with a whole Herd of that Tribe, who were in town upon the like hunt) to be at Mans Coffee-house, to smoke away the remainder of that tedious Forenoon, which others( not so well skilled in the new Crape-Divinity) spent in the Church. At length his Expectations were crwoned with success, and our Sir John( having duly capacitated himself) had another Living added to his former. On goes the Scarf, and down goes my Priest full fraught with Pride and Exultation. From henceforth his thoughts began to swell; and being now a Buttress broader, he would be a Story or two higher: To the University he trudges, and takes his Degree of bachelor, and now lately of Doctor in Divinity.  
He had not been long returned from thence, but Mr. S. his Lady, and Mrs. Abigail( our new Doctress) being with others of the Neighbourhood at a Country Entertainment, Madam S. being the best Woman in the Company, and not imagining any Person there would have disputed Precedence with her, set her self by the mistress of the House at the upper end of the Table, so that there was no room left for Mrs. Abigail, but at one of the sides. Down she sits, but with a full Stomach, not a bit went into her mouth; which the mistress of the House observing, and taking notice of, Mrs. Abigail set up a hideous Outcry that her Quality was injured, and red such a Lecture upon the Dignity of the Clergy, and especially of a Doctor in Divinity( and consequently of his Doxy) that the Lady was amazed, and the Company burst out into a loud Laughter. The Lady hath wit enough, and plied Mrs. Abigail with such smart Repartees, that she was put to silence; but the Doctor being present, was so great a Coxcomb as to take up the Cudgels, and was encountered by a Gentleman of more sense than himself, who driven the business so home, that the Doctor was quiter nonplussed. However, this Contest spoiled the intended Mirth, to the disturbance of the whole Company; since which Mrs. Abigail hath declined all Meetings where the Lady was to be, and intends to continue in this sullen humour till the Quality of a Doctor in Divinity's Wife is here better understood.  
This is the true matter of Fact, and now give me leave to examine upon what Justice or Right the Pretensions of this Sir John and his Wife are founded.  
As to the Husband, we will consider him in both his capacities, of Priest and Doctor.  
As to his Priesthood, I see nothing in that which can entitle him to more than the Quality of an ordinary Gentleman( for that, as I take it, the common Courtesy of England allows him, as well as an Attorney, or Licentiat in physic) and being only a Gentleman by his Profession, he is inferior to him who is a Gentleman by Birth: As( to instance in the next degree upwards) an Esquire by Office, as a Member of the House of Commons, a Justice of Peace, who is( quatenus such) inferior to an Esquire by Birth, as the eldest Son of a Baronet or Knight: And if any one born a Gentleman gives precedence to the Parish Priest, 'tis more than is the Priest's due, and given of more Courtesy; unless the Parish Priest be a Gentleman by Birth likewise, in which case the Precedence must be ruled by the common Notion among us, that where there be two Persons of equal Birth or Quality, the Precedence ought to be given to him that hath the better Estate. And if the Gentleman Parish-Priest hath a bnfice of 200 l. per annum, and the Lay-Gentleman hath Lands of Inheritance but of 100 l. per annum, worth 20 years Purchase, the Lay-man hath doubtless the better Estate of the two; and if he gives Precedence to the Parish-Priest, it is of courtesy, and not of due.  
I know it will be objected, That the Function of these Priests is sacred; That they are bread up in the Schools of the Prophets, where they attain to the understanding and interpreting of the Holy Scriptures; That they are God's Ambassadors, and conversant all their Life-times about the Mysteries of Religion: All which eminently distinguishes them, and sets them in a Rank superior to that of other men.  
But I cannot understand how these things can help them in the point we are upon, which concerns a Temporal Right. Was not Christ's and his Apostles Priesthood and Function as sacred as theirs? And yet he disclaimed( for them as well as himself) all Temporal Superiority.  
For their Education, It is not apparent that it is founded upon no design but what is common to other men, to feed and cloth them, and answer the common necessities of Life. show me a Father whose main and ultimat end in sending his Son to this School of the Prophets in order to the Priesthood, was any other than to put him into a way to get his Livelihood. And can those be any longer called the Schools of the Prophets, which are turned into such Sinks of all Lewdness and Debauchery; insomuch that the Gentry of England begin to bethink themselves of Academies and other ways of Education for their Sons, to avoid a place where only Poverty, and the want of opportunity to be vicious can secure from 'vice? And how comes the Gift of understanding and interpreting the Scriptures to be found there more than in other places, when we see that those who come from these Schools of the Prophets disagree so much in their Sentiments, that by their different Expositions and Interpretations of Scripture, turning and winding it like a Nose of Wax, they have set themselves and the whole Kingdom together by the ears? Which makes it evident that no man who comes from thence is to be relied on as an infallible Interpreter; and without Infallibility all the Interpreters in Europe of the doubtful places of Scripture are not worth a straw, seeing they may as soon be in the wrong as in the right: and that some of 'em must be in the wrong, we all know; but whether any of them be in the right, God knows.  
As for the embassage they value themselves upon, should some great Prince sand to a neighbouring State or Community, a pair of Ambassadors, who should both have the same Instructions, but differed from each other in the meaning of them, so that one of them required one thing, and the other the quiter contrary; I think no great heed ought to be given to either of them.  
And as to the Mysteries of Religion, I confess they have made Christianity itself a Mystery, which in all the Fundamentals of it is in the Scriptures made plain and easy to an ordinary Understanding. But the Lawyers do wisely to interpret our Law in barbarous French, that no English-man but themselves may understand it.  
'tis true, when Popery obtained among us, the case was not the same as now: For the Veneration then shewed to the Priest( admitting the then received Belief) was grounded upon great reason: for what could I think too much for him who with four words could make me a God and a Saviour, that could pen him up in a Box, and eat him at his pleasure, and when that is done could with the same words make me another as good as the former; that could forgive me all my Sins, and if perchance I had not before my death scoured my Kettle so clean as I should have done, so that I had the ill luck to drop into Purgatory, could sing me out again, and by that means place me in a Station of eternal Bliss? How would I crouch and cringe, kneel to and adore him who could do all this?  
These were great things, and yet no more than a Priest of the Church of Rome pretends to do. But alas, with us a Priest can do none of these Feats, but is despoiled of all these spiritual Plumes, and left as bare as the bide in the Fable; not a Jack in a Box admitted among us, nor the Priest's Absolution valued at a rush of late, unless at the Gallows; Purgatory hissed off the Stage, and reckoned at the worst to be but some blind Ale-house between Heaven and Hell: And tho there is a Form of Absolution, as full as any in the Popish Books, placed in a Corner of our Common-Prayer Book, at the end of the Visitation of the Sick, to serve a turn, if occasion be( which I never think on, but it puts me in mind of Littleton's Chapter of Continual Claim) yet no Priest with us durst have the impudence at this time of day to affirm in his Pulpit, or any other public place, that he hath power to forgive Sins, lest the People should throw stones at him.  
I doubt not but some( if they saw this Paper) would tell me that I have debased my Lords the Bishops. No such matter: They hold their Rank and Quality by their Baronages settled by the Law of the Land, and take their Places accordingly, and not by their Priesthood, and therefore are not within my aim or intention. But under that Degree there is no Law with us which gives precedence to a Clergyman, however dignified or distinguished, above him that is born a Gentleman: and a Clergy-man, under the degree of a Bishop, hath no more reason to pretend to any Place or Precedence, because 'tis possible he may come to be a Bishop, than a young sucking Barister hath to take place of his Betters, because 'tis possible he may come to be Lord Chancellor.  
As for the other capacity of our Parish-Priest, Doctor in Divinity. The Gentlemen of England( that have any considerable Places) do seldom or never breed up their eldest Sons to the Priesthood, but commonly sand them, and sometimes one of the younger Sons too( tho for the reason aforesaid, neither of them so much of late as formerly) to the Universities, and from thence( without staying there so long as to take any Degree) to the Inns of Court, where they do or ought to betake themselves to the study of our municipal Laws; and after 7 or 8 years are many of them called to the Bar; some with an intent to make the Law their Profession, whereby they often double or triple their paternal Estates; and after 20 or 25 years first admittance into their respective Societies, are chosen of the Bench; and some of them afterwards( by the favour of the Prince) called to the State and Degree of sergeant at Law, out of which number are chosen the Reverend Judges of the Realm. Others of these Inns of Court Gentlemen, after they are called to the Bar( and many of them before) depart into their own Countries, and by the knowledge they have acquired in the Law are rendered more serviceable to the public in the eminent Stations they are placed in there; where some of them match into great and honourable Families, others of them to rich and wealthy Heiresses, and others of them to Women of considerable Fortunes in Money, sufficient( without the aid of their own Estates) to buy all the Substance of ten Doctors in Divinity put together. Out of these several sorts of Inns of Court Gentlemen, are for the most part chosen the Members of Parliament, High-Sheriffs, Deputy-Lieutenants, and Justices of Peace, who thus( next under the King) come to have the Legislative, Judicial, and Ministerial Power of the Kingdom in their hands.  
But if we will find the pedigree of our Doctor in Divinity, we must stoop somewhat lower. If there be a younger Brother of any of these Families, he is commonly bound Apprentice to some Trade, or sent to the University, which of them his Father, or( if dead) his other Friends think him most likely to thrive by. And here we have set our Doctor in the best Light. But it may be he is the Son of some Farmer, of some little country Pedlar, of a Whitster, Farrier, Bricklayer, plasterer, Carpenter, or( as in the case before us) of an Alehouse-keeper; none of which ever arrived at the Honour of being covered before the Squire( as they call 'em in the Country) his Landlord, Master, or Customer, whom yet the Son of one of these Poultrons( having once got a read Hood about his Shoulders) would dispute Precedence with.  
And would it not be an agreeable sight to see this Son of Gaffer what de'e call him, insolently step before a Person of Birth, Quality and Estate, merely because he hath attained to the Preferment of an Ape, to be clad in Scarlet, while his Father works for his Living with his Leather Apron on, or with his Frock whistling to his Team, or with his blew Apron to receive the Droppings of the Tap( as in our case) and his Mother sits at home mending of old Stockings. And if he were a poor Scholar, or of some Foundation in the University, what was he but a Porter or Serving-man in the first case, and an Alms boy in the other case? For what difference is there between a Fellow or Scholar of a Foundation in a College, and another Alms-man or Alms-boy in an Hospital? Did not the Founders endow both out of Charity? Were they not both designed for the relief and maintenance of such as have not to live of themselves? And yet this little Monsieur, after he hath lived some time in his College upon Charity, and passed through some pedantic Formalities, which they call Degrees, must come into the Country, and perk above him to whom perchance he hath in the College served up many a Dish of Meat, and Mess of Broth, or run on many an Errand for.  
But we will suppose our Doctor a younger Son of some Gentleman of Quality, who was sent to the University at fifteen, gets to be Master of Arts at twenty two, Bachelor of Divinity at twenty nine, and Doctor at thirty three; all which Degrees are conferred in the University, without respect to any extraordinary Merit, but as things of course. Here's a way found out for all younger Brothers( who are sent to the University) to become better men at thirty three than their elder Brothers, and is a Cheat worse than that put by Rebecca upon her Husband, to deprive her eldest Son of his Birthright. And if the Gentlemen of England( notwithstanding their Eyes are commonly thought to be pretty well cleared of the Mists of Popery, from whence this Priest-worship first took its rise) were not still as blind as Isaac, they would discern how they are Priestridden and abused in this matter as well as in many others: for what is it to the Gentlemen of England, what a parcel of petty starched Fellows, the Dregs and Offals of Monkery, who live upon chaps of Mutton, do among themselves? Or how are the Body of the English Nation concerned whether they make one another Doctors, patriarches or Mufti's? Let them strut it about the Streets of Oxford and Cambridg, and look big upon the cowed Townsmen, and crow upon their own dunghills there; but when they come abroad among Gentlemen, let them remember the meanness either of their Birth or Education, or perhaps both, and know their distance when they meet with those who are above them in every respect.  
But suppose we should give some grains of allowance to our Doctor in Divinity or Parish-Priest, and humour him a little; what is that to Mrs. Abigail, who makes a Figure of no long standing? For so lately as it King Harry the Eighth's Reign, the Wife of a Priest was Rara avis in terris, nigroque simillima cygno.  
'tis true Cranmer, in those days, when he was a Student at Cambridg, married an Innkeeper's Daughter there( which gave occasion to the Papists to say he was an ostler) and after he was Archbishop of Ganterbury, kept her privately sometimes at Lambeth. In imitation whereof a late Archbishop kept his Wife there too, privately enough, tho not so privately as the other. But that of Cranmer was a rare instance in those times; and when in K. Edward the Sixth's Reign the Clergy began frequently to mary, and in Q. Elizabeth's Reign continued so to do by colour of the Statutes of 2& 3 E. 6. which permitted them to mary, and 5& 6 E. 6. which declared their Children legitimate( altho by the way those two Statutes were repealed by 1 Mar. and never revived till 1 Jac. 1.) the Gentlemen of England looked on the Marriage of a Priest as so scandalous a thing, that they thought scorn to bestow their Daughters or Kinswomen upon them; so that the Parish-Priests were fain for a long time to take up with the Daughters of the meanest of the People, my Lady's Chamber-maid being accounted a great Booty in those days. And these Ecclesiastical Doxys kept themselves a long time within the Bounds of Modesty, and employed themselves at their Wheel or Needle, or in the getting in the Tithe-eggs, and such like, without pretending to any place or precedence, any further than before the Farmers Wives of the Parish, and not those neither, if rich and wealthy; nor knew any thing beyond a black stuff Gown on Sundays, and a green Apron when they went abroad on working days. And when some of them, especially the Wives of those they called the dignified Clergy, grew malapert, and raised Disputes about Place, Q. Elizabeth being asked what place was due to a Clergy-man's Wife, answered truly and discreetly, Behind the door. So that in her time they were kept pretty well down, and made no such bustles as they have done since.  
And tho I am not against a Priest's having a comfortable Importance as well as other men, yet 'tis observable, that when towards the latter end of that Queen's Reign these she-Comforts grew proud and troublesome, the whole course of the clergies way of living became quiter altered. For whereas before, the Clergy and their Wives were very charitable to their Neighbors, especially the Poor, whom they daily relieved; when once Pride and Affectation had crept in among the Wives, which could not be supported without extraordinary expense, and a more chargeable Education than formerly was bestowed on their Offspring, which seldom failed to be numerous, the Charity of the Clergy ceased, and all was spent on themselves, their Wives and Children, and the Poor were ready to be starved: which was the occasion of making the Statute of 43 Eliz. for relief of the Poor, being the first Statute Law which was ever made of that nature and comprehension, and was not chiefly occasioned, as some think, by the dissolution of Monasteries; for the Clergy long after that relieved the Poor of their Parishes and Districts to that degree, that there was no need of any such Law: And so indeed it ought to have continued; for tho what they distributed was upon pretence of Charity, yet it was no more than what was the Poors due, the Goods of the Church being the Poors, as was expressly determined by the 2d Council of Ravenna, by which and several other Councils, it was provided that the Poor should be maintained by the Clergy. And there is a Canon extant, which enjoins the Clergy to set apart the third of the profits of their benefice for the relief of the Poor. And seeing the Clergy stand so strictly upon other Canons which make for their Profit, Authority, and Advantage, 'tis pity but this Canon should be put in ure, which would keep the Priests( and consequently their Wives) in a state of Humility more becoming the Gospel, and would be so plentiful a relief to the Poor, that there would need( as a certain Lord Mayor expressed himself when he whipped the Beggars) no complaining in our Streets.  
But to leave this digression: When in some of the later Reigns Debauchery and Lewdness were encouraged, and made a step to Preferment, especially after the Restoration in 1660. when the Gentlemen of the Royal Party, who had struggled through their Sequestrations, Imprisonments, Decimations, &c. under the then late usurped Powers, and had notwithstanding all those Difficulties preserved their Estates entire, or not much impaired them, ran stark mad for joy, and either out of the vain hopes of Court-Preferment, or to comply with their own Inclinations, had many of them run into such a course of Extravagancy, as quickly consumed the Estates of some of them, and placed others of them in a meaner condition than they could probably have been reduced to, had their former Persecutions continued; so that all they got by the Restoration was the honour of spending their Estates themselves: and this extravagant humour had spread itself much further, and become almost universal. And on the other hand, our Clergy road triumphant, and heaped to themselves bnfice upon bnfice, and Preferment upon Preferment; so that he who had either Wit, Money, or Friends, could hardly miss of making a considerable Figure in a short time: and having quiter left off the sour Humour and Looks which were heretofore peculiar to the ecclesiastics, and were then called Gravity, and no more appeared with their Hair cropp'd above their Ears, nor with their black satin and white-lac'd turn'd-up Caps; but adapted themselves to the gay and frank Humour of the Times, and with the help of a Jauntee Wig, curled and powdered alamode, and a few Grimaces, skrewed themselves into the good Graces of the young Ladies: Then happy was he who had but 3 or 4 or 500 l. to give with his Daughter, or had reserved an Advowson among the relics of a broken Fortune in order to some Smock simony, who could mary his Daughter into the Tribe of Levi. And by this means several of them have gotten into Alliances with tolerable Families, and others of them( tho but a few) have made a higher step.  
These Madames thus disposed of, retaining a smatch of the Haughtiness of the Families from whence they are sprung, are never at rest till their Husbands commence Doctors, that they may place themselves above all other Women under the degree of a knights Wife; for that is what they pretend to.  
But how long hath this been their due? They cannot claim it by Custom, or Prescription time out of mind; for Edward the Sixth's Reign, when the Clergy were permitted to mary, is within time of memory; and for many hundred years before there was not a married Priest in England, unless by stealth, as in the case of Cranmer. When therefore did this right of Precedence first accrue to them? and where? Not behind the door I hope.  
If then there be no such Custom or Prescription, there must be some positive Law to give or assert this Right, or the Court of Honour must have decided it: but our Legislators had somewhat else to do than to trouble themselves with Mrs. Abigail; nor would they in all the long Reign of Q. Elizabeth, so much as make her Marriage lawful, or her Children legitimate, by repealing the said Statute of 1 Mar. And the Court of Honour had more respect for the Gentlemen of Families and Estates, than to subject their Wives to the Daughter of a Beggar, or to Abigail the Waiting-woman, or Joan the Chamber-maid.  
The Bishops are Barons of the Realm, and take their places above all of the Degree only of Temporal Barons; and yet the Lady of a Temporal Baron, nay of a Baronet, nay more of a Knight( altho her Husband's Dignity is not descendible to her Children) is acknowledged by all to have precedence before the Wife of a Bishop: and one reason is, because( as I said before of the Doctor's Wife) a Bishop's Wife being but of later date, cannot challenge such precedence by Custom or Prescription: nor was the point ever determined for her in the Court of Honour.  
'tis true, about 60 years since, when no Woman under the degree of a knights Wife was called Madam or my Lady, there was one Pierce, Bishop of Bath and Wells( who lived to be restored in 1660. and then betook himself only to Suppers, lest any Gentleman or Clergyman of the Country should come to dine with him) would needs have those two Appellations given to his Wife, which some complied with, to flatter him; others refused, to vex him; while all laughed at him for expecting it.  
Now if the Precedence which a Bishop hath cannot affect the Bishop's Wife, or place her in a station suitable to that of her Husband, much less can this empty Title of Doctor affect the Doctor's Wife, or place her in a higher rank than she was in before; but she remains still the Parson's or Vicar's Wife of the Parish, and no more.  
But she may( for the most part) thank the vain-glorious Fool her Husband for this piece of Pride and Insolence, who hath filled her Head with the airy notion of his Doctorship, and hath put her into a Garb fitter for a man's Wife of 2000 l. per annum, than for the Wife of a Parish-Priest, whose benefice die with him: She must be arrayed( contrary to the Modesty and Gravity of the Wives of Q. Elizabeth's Clergy) in all the Colours of the Rainbow, with a Head as high as the late Porter at the New Exchange, with a Footboy or two at her heels, and a Coach or Calash it may be into the bargain; but when the person dies, down goes all this: She then lives upon some little Pittance, or perhaps becomes that which they call a distressed Minister's Widow, and an Object of( what she was a stranger to in her Husband's Life-time) Charity. And this often happens where the person lives up to the height of his Income, and consumes it upon the Pride and Luxury of himself and his Doxy.  
But I will no longer detain you, altho much more might be said upon this Subject, if Time( or rather if the Times) would permit.  
I am, &c.  
FINIS.   

POEMS lately published by A. Baldwin.  
A Description of D●yden's Funeral. The 3d Edition.  
The Way to Heaven in a String; or, Mr. Asgill's Argument burlesqu'd.  
An Epistle to Sir Richard Blackmore, occasioned by the new Session of the Poets.  
The Dream. To Sir. Charles Duncomb,