THE FIGVRE OF FIVE.  

under which figure is expressed,  
Many a pretty, witty jest:  
And solid reason therewith blended,  
To please all sorts, it is intended.   
By M. P.  

Being the Uolume is very small.  
read it quiter through, or else leave it all.   
Printed for F. coals, at the vpper end of the Old-Baily, near N 〈…〉   

TO The courteous Reader of any quality.  
FIgures( courteous readers) as they are of divers kinds, so have they several significations; by one manner of Figures we are aptly taught to calculate or number the computation of times, as yeeres, months, weekes, dayes, houres and minutes: to make exact& particular reckoning of money, by pounds, shillings, pence halfepence, and farthings: to observe measures, as barley cornes, inches, feet, cubits, shepherds, rods, poles, acres, furlongs, and Miles: to know weight, as pounds, half pounds quarters, ounces, half ounces and quarters, penny weights, scruples, grains and drams. Another sort of figures may bee said to be used when the curious Artist doth decipher and proportion the lively effigies or shadow of man or woman, bide, or beast, fowle, or fish, herbs, plants or trees, and any other thing, that is exactly done, is rightly said to be figured; A third sort of figure( and that the chief) is that manner of covert speaking& writing for ornament of language, which is used by Poets, Orators,& Rhetoricians. I cannot punctually say which of al these, I come most near unto, in this my book; but this I dare promise that whosoever views it with ● judicial survey, though it be small in volume, shal find that it holds a fit correspondency, and harmonical relation to either, the truth of which thou shalt find in the perusal. And if any demand why I choose such subjects to spend time upon: I answer, that whereas heretofore there hath the like labour been spent upon the figures of three and four, I thought good to try my arithmetic, in casting up these so many accounts that have reference ro the figure: of five: to conclude, thou shalt find many pretty conceits figured out in lively colours, which I hope shall both content the eye, care, and heart o● the Reader or Hearer, howsoever it is now at hap-hazard committed to public censure; and is resolved to try the adventure of respect, or neglect the first of these wishing to obtain, I submit to thy charitable opinion, and rest  
Thine now and hereafter, M. P.   

THE FIGVRE OF FIVE.  
1 THere bee five men chiefly noted in holy Writ: Adam for being the first man, Methusala for being the oldest man, job for a patient man, Samson for a strong man, and Salomon for a wise man.  
2 There be also five men notoriously in famous in the Scriptures: Cain for killing his brother Abell, Cham for discovering his fathers nakedness, absalon for rebellion against his Father, Judas, for betraying his Lord, and Pilate for condemning the same Christ.  
3 There be five degrees of men under the sovereign: the Nobleman, Clergy man, and the gentleman, the Husbandman, and the Tradesman.  
4 There be five orders of Knighthood in England: Knight of the Garter, Knight baronet, Knight Banneret, Knight of the Bath, and Knight bachelor.  
5 There bee five warm things that especially preserve the life of man, warm meat, warm clothes, warm fire, warm lodging, with ● warm bedfellow.  
6 There bee five short things which most people desire: A short sentence, a short grace, a short prayer, a short sermon, and a short season of ill weather.  
7 There be five sorts of horses, the war horse, the hunting horse, the cart horse, the coach horse, and the hobby horse.  
8 There bee five sorts of men fearful to meet; A Sergeant to a banquerout, a Constable in pressing time to a Coward, a Beadle to a vagabond, a hangman to a thief, and a strong thief to a weak rich traveler.  
9 There be five kindes of men that live by cutting: A Cutter of ston, a cutter of wood, a cutter of Tobacco, a cutter of throats, and a cutter of purses.  
10 There be five notable qualities in a Porter: he is a man of great understanding, though he be no scholar, he is a patient man for he bears much, he is a temperate man, for he'll carry much sack without being drunk; he rests oft though he be neither sergeant, bailiff, nor Marshals man, and for all he does he can show licence.  
11 There be five hackneys, a hackney man, a hackney turnip, a hackney Coach, a hackney Horse, and a hackney Whore.  
12 There bee five manner of Wives: that rather cumber than comfort their husbands, a whorish wife a scolding wife, a sluttish wife, a lazy wife, and a foolish wife.  
13 There be five famous stiles beginning with the letter P. Patriarkes, Prophets, Poets, Philosophers and Physicians.  
14 There bee five things that have a fit resemblance to the five senses by contrary interchange, the wind is heard and not seen, the Sun is seen and not heard, a Louse is felt when shees neither heard nor seen. milk is tasted but not smelled, and a fart is smelled and not tasted.  
15 There bee five that are men by profession, though otherwise dwarffs: a meal man, a water man a broom man, a malt man, and a hangman.  
16 There bee five sorts of good liquour made in England: Ale, beer, cider, Perry, and Metheglin.  
17 There be five kindes of cases, a Capcase, a fiddle case, a Candle-case, comb case, and a Law case.  
18 There bee five things almost in continual motion: at Ship at sea, a flay, an aspen leaf, a dogs tail, and a womans tongue.  
19 There bee five things very comfortable to a man, quiet sleep, good wine, cleanly diet, sweets music, and a patient wife.  
20 There bee five necessary quick things in a house: a mousesing Cat, a watchful dog, a wakeful cock, a fruitful Hen, and a huswifely woman.  
21 There bee five most noted games at dice: In and in, Passage, Hazard, Tray-trip, and Mumchance.  
22 There be five virtuous properties belonging to a good Woman: a modest look, a civill behaviour, a courteous speech, a comely habit, and( chiefly) a constant loyalty to her husband.  
23 There bee five sorts of men either of which if a woman match withall, shee's unhappy; a whoremonger, a common Drunkard, a peevish fool, a meddling cotquean and a jealous coxcomb.  
24 There bee five , for which most men covet: much wealth, much honour, much strength, much skill, and especially much praise.  
25 There bee five things common to all men for their money: a Barbers chair, a watermans boat, an Ale-house bench, a play▪ house, and a whores house.  
26 There bee five well noted prisons within the liberty of London: Newgate, Ludgate, old bridewell, and the two Counters.  
27 There be also five like prisons in the borough of South wark the Kings bench, the white Lion, the Marshals seas, the Counter,& the clink.  
28 There be likewise five prisons without the freedom: the Fleet, the newbridewell, the new prison, the round house, and Finsbury jail.  
29 There be five chief officers belonging to a Noble parsonage: the Steward, the Gentleman usher the Gentleman of the Horse, the groom of the Chamber, and the clerk of the kitchen.  
30 There be five inferior officers which cannot bee mist in a house of Honour; the brewer, the Baker, the cook, the Butler, and the Caterer.  
31 There be five tradesman chiefly employed about building: a Carpenter, a Mason, a Brickmaker, a Smith, and a glazier.  
32 There bee five things that chiefly uphold a common wealth: Money, Navigation, warfare, husbandry, and clothing.  
33 There bee five men odious to honest company: a profane swearer, a desperate Quareller, an obscene talker, a cheating decoy and a stinking sot.  
35 There bee five Women as till to bee endured: An arrant scold, a drunken sow, a snufling bawd, a shameless whore, and a carry tale gossip.  
35 There bee five Vices that bring many a man to ruin: Pride, Prodigality, Luxury, drunkenness, and game.  
36 There bee five trades that are chief agents to pride: Taylors, Feather-makers, Perfumers, Sempsters, and Imbroderers.  
37 There be five things which a tailor cannot work without: a pressing iron, a pair of shears, a measure, a Needle, and a Thimble.  
38 There be five men that get money by other mens brawlings, a Lawyer, a chirurgeon, a soldier, a Fencer, and an Aparator.  
39 There bee five noted payments between the halfpenny and the pound: a penny, a shilling, a crown, a noble, and a mark.  
40 There be five common Masters: a Master of defence, a Master of a family, a Master of a ship, a school Master, and a Whoore-Master.  
41 There bee five noted companions: a boon companion, a base companion, a lazycompanion, a saucy companion, and a beggarly companion.  
42 There be five greasy Companions: a Butcher, a cook, a tallow chandler, a soap boyler, and a kitchen stuff wench.  
43 There be five monosillables, which contain all the World: Mine, thine, his, hers, and theirs.  
44 There be five smiths: a goldsmith a silver smith, a blacksmith, a coppersmith, a Tom smith.  
45 There be five ushers: An usher to a grammar school, an usher to a fencing school, an usher to a dancing school, an usher of a Hall, and a gentleman usher.  
46 There be five especial Uertues requisite in every Christian: Constancy in Gods cause, loyalty towards his Prince, charity toward the poor, love to al people, and patience to bear all crosses.  
47 There be five vices opposite to those five virtues: to be lukewarm in Religion, treacherous against his King, hard hearted to the poor, to be in hatred with his Neighbours, and to repined at Gods chastisements.  
48 There bee five chief commanders in a camp, a Lieutenant, general, the Sergeant mayor, the Muster-master, and the captain.  
49 There be also five officers of note under a captain: the Liefenant, the ensign, the Sergeant, he corporal, and the Drummer.  
50 There be five chief officers ●● a ship, the captain, the Master, the Steward, the purser, and the boat-swaine.  
51 There be five tradesman that chiefly thrive by war, Armourers, Gunmakers, pike makers Cutlers, and Girdlers.  
52 There were five famous latin Poets: Ovid, Virgil, Lucan, Propertius, Horace.  
53 There were likewise five most exquisite painters: Allche-Bacchacius. Mechus, Alexis, Apelles and Zeuxis.  
54 There be five extraordinary drunkards and gluttons left in memory to posterity, Bonetius, Darius, Milo, Phagoe, and Tricones.  
55 There be five things which makes a good fellow willing to spend his money, an honest host, a good fire, good liquour, good tobacco, and a merry hostess.  
56 There be five sorts of fools, a natural fool, a great mans fool, a fool in a play, a fool in a morris dance, and a Lawyers fool.  
57 There be five base officers in London, a hangman, a Beadle, a promoter, a catchpoule, and the bears bagpiper.  
58 There bee five sorts of bachelors: a bachelor of the Law, a bachelor of Art, a bachelor of Divinity, a Knight bachelor, and one that was never married.  
59 There be five sorts of Herrings: fresh herring, pickled herring, blote herring, read herring and loan herring, the pie wench.  
60 There bee five natural resemblances betwixt birds and man kind: the pelican teacheth parents love to their Children, the stork natural love to their parents, the Turtle dove correspondency betwixt lovers, the phoenix continency, and the sparrow, inordinate lust.  
61 There bee also five beasts which be fit emblems of wicked men; the hyena, the crocodill, and the fox for teacherous murtherers, the goat for a letcher, and the wolf for a covetous wretch.  
62 There be five things requisite in a well governed common wealth: the Judges to hate bribery, the Clergy men simony, the Nobles disloyalty, the Gentry malignity, and the commons mutiny.  
63 There be five imaginary rivers in hell, Acheron, Avernus, Cocitus, styx and Phlegiton.  
64 There be five men which as the Poets feign, are particularly tormented in hell, Ix●on is said to turn a restless wheel, Prometheus is feigned to have his heart gnawed by a Uultur, Siciphus to roll a restless ston against a hill, Ohennus to make ropes, which an ass that stands by, bites in sunder: Tantalus stands up to the chin in water, and cannot drink, and hath apple, bobbing at hislips, and cannot eat any.  
63 There bee five sorts of Cuckolds: a merry cuckolded, a mad cuckolded, a melancholy cuckolded, a conceited cuckolded, one a contented cuckolded.  
66 There be five sorts of men unworthy to live in a common wealth, he that hath wealth enough, and does no good with it: he that sels his patrimony to maintain neighbours, he that drinks all day at the Althouse while his family starves at home, he that forswears himself for a trifle, and he that has a good wife and will not use her well.  
67. There be five men pitiful to behold, a man without honesty a man without mercy, a man with out wit, a man without clothes, and a man without money.  
68 There be five outs whic●… many man are vexed withall, drink●… out o'th pot, tobacco out o'th pip●… wit out o'th head, money out o't●… purse, and wife out o'th bed.  
FINIS.