Pseudo Johannensium Polymastix, QUI APOLLINI ΣΜΙΝΘΕΙ ET JOVI ΑΠΟΜΥΙΩ Sacros, profanos, devotos, dicatos, homunciones, agasones, nebulones, explicat, lacessit, lacerat.  
St. Johns in sippets dressed, no flesh nor fish,  
The Giblets of a malt horse packed ith dish,  
stuff that would choke a Mallats cranny throat,  
Manchesters imp in a blew scarlet Coat;  
Adopted pettitoes to th' Houses stumps  
Cloven into Presbyterian lumps  
And Independent; May they serve to be  
Their Masters Porters to the Gallow three:  
May these blind bear whelps lashed be to resent,  
bear whelps near licked t' a form of government:  
The Whore of Babylon who'l fear when these  
Bastards are whipped to their own Parishes.  
Printed in the year, 1648.   

Pseudo Iohannensium Polymastix.  
IF Homers {αβγδ} were turned into a curse, twere scarce long enough to nestle this brood of Cocatrices, this bastard spawn of Serpents, or if they were got by extrajudicial generation, the devil twas that played the pimp. Eight card●s ith stock, and nought bu● Noddy Knave; so many add●e eggs together will give Robin a good friday nights supper: A litter of Young Pha●isees but that the one boasted what they did, the other perform contrary to what they boast.  
Had Saturnes Virile but got a man as it produced a Venus, this frothy Monster had been be; see what you want sir; No habadasher can furnish you with such wears, Whoremasters, or Hypocrites, Drunkards, or perjured of all sorts very good choice; an Exchange of profaneness, Long-lane full of Brokers; a gallan● dish of meddlers, yet not worth a pin if not rotten at heart; a trick or two of jesuits shuffled with a Mournivall of Asses: It puzzled my logic to rank them into any predicament till I thought of Platoes Division of all things into good and evil, as the summum genus of this category of mischief fits John Arrowsmith, a very single eyed man, but of a body so corrupt twill damp the force of fire at the last day to turn it into glass, so that were I an Apothecary I would buy it for drugs. After this poisoned carcase had killed one wife he endeavours yet further, Orestes like, to commit an act of particide upon his Mother, by already lopping one arm of this glorious University; Oh might he have Orestes his fortune, be tormented with as many Hags as hell can spare, till he become a wanderer and a vagabond upon the earth: The Covenant is his minion, and no less then fourteen bastards hath he lately gotten by that Strumpet, which with a blasphemy almost as large as the profaneness of the object he applauds as able to bring men in fellowship with the Father and the son.  
Next enter Hodges, the best beelzeebub that I know; Oh how many godly sisters has the white of his eye converted: hypocrisy and oppression are but embryo sins, scarce half fledged with him, in comparison of an inutilis conventus, as he terms it on a Sunday night, an offence unpardonable: One who hath set a whole college on fire, and is now run away in the smoke; but how came he a holy brother? Why, what obstacles will not the ambitious desire of preferment maugre? Thus Jupiter like to fulfil his lust, he turns himself into a cuckoo: But fetch me some whip chord, Ile lash that heretical Dunce mowbray, till he can decline Copia, a disgrace both to grammar philosophy and Divinity: Yet such spurious Cions has this Reformation inoculated; that which is storied of Pelops served up as a Banquet to the Gods, and afterwards quodled to life in a cauldron, but that the Gods disdain such course fare might be true of him. flay him, and Ile maintain a laundress shall buy his skin to plight cuffs with. But stayst for an Oedipus who can resolve this Riddle, how many Theames will buy a hat? Mr. Collier will undoubtedly unfold this mystery next term. The custom amongst the Ancients to subscribe to their Pictures {αβγδ} is of no use with him; this beast hath mark enough in his forehead to distinguish him from any other: had he been living when Noah coupled his Creatures he could not have found a parallel meet for him: If babel were now to build, the confusion of tongues could not hinder its erection, each of these Sophies have two at least, but that this hypocrite might excel all his fellowes, he has got fifteen; but how came he by all this learning? His Nurse used him up to a bit and a line; thus Magister artis ingenique largitor venture, negatas artifex sequi voces. But room for Boanerges with his granado throat; Jam taudem adest Decanus vester; A man as zealous against Papists as Protestants, yet each morning to patch up the unworthiness of his prayers, he lines them with the smoking incense of the grease of his fingers: Had he been in Adams case, God would have changed his curse from the sweat of thy brows to the cleanesse of thy teeth: thou shall eat thy bread, and then poor James might even have starved. The effect which was produced by the flowers of Sicily, might be attributed to his breath, though proceeding from a contrary quality, the Dogs cannot hunt for the stink ont. Naturalists tell us that in ground rightly manured, seed will spring forth in two dayes, James shall give them half a mile, and yet out run them; were it but set in his cheeks the fatness of the soil would certainly hasten the maturation. Pliny reports of some creatures in Africa,( as quid non portentosum fert ista regio) that have no mouths, and live onely by smelling to he●bes: Happy wee that wear not those {αβγδ}, For the rammish perfume of this Scullion would certainly choke us: But Ile not bait this bear any longer: have at the Bull of Basan now truly turned into Apuleius his ass, John Pawson in his majesty. That which is commonly believed that men do but act over that Scene, which their Forefathers set forth in the first edition, proves false here, for malice and knavery the world cannot produce a parallel. Machiavell certainly had been his pupil had they but been contemporaries: What shapes cannot this imp put on? See the Dive●l himself with a Bible under his arm: His Religion is unknown as fellows birth-place, his Actions like Herules, his beasts drive a contrary channel to his professions; thus is this quicksilver Ape, Puritan in sh●w, Iesuite in practise: He has pickled up as many Oaths( which he keeps in sauce) as ever Priest did pardons,& heel vent thē accordingly: give him but Mid●s●is request he shal swear ●is supp●sed that Calvin lived seven ages before the flood. Hocas Pocas, here I have you, and there I have you, thus doth this Pilot steer his course that what wind soever blow shall drive him forward; he had the moon for his Mother, and better had it been she had laboured an eclipse then brought forth such a son: Nor are his designs thawctfuller of decit then malice, a large example of which these dayes sufficiently afford; 'twas to see the golden horns of authority on anothers head, that prompted thee to chase that Noble stag: What but the seed of Tigers could beget a spirit so exasperated against every thing that squares not with his own appetite?  
Nor is my task done yet, this Hydra hath more heads left still: theres Sikes too, a Saint over head and ears; this Uulcan sure was born without co●junction; he looks as if his soul had taken leave of his corps, and gone to hell to fetch the platform of a new Reformation: View him as he directs to the air in the chapel, for few other Auditors he has, and he speaks like friar Bacons Image; nay the air herself could almost be content to make a gap in nature, lest such horrid treasons as he belcheth forth should be harboured in her bosom. Thus doth he snivell forth nonsense as the coach horses of the sun spew light through their nostrils: Sure he took the pattern of his prayers from the Queens stairs at Greenwitch, which as tis reported, stand by Geometry, thus do his words like Globes in the air hang pendulous; twere a task too heaw for a thousand Curtius's to stop all the Chasma's in this one mans devotions. Theres Heron to, that boot catcher of Trinity, one who hath served out more apprenticeships then ever jacob did, to obtain a bleareeyed Leah, fanatic ignorance: Cincinna's plow-sheare was turned into a sceptre, and as if this hedge-Hog had the same knack too, he's translated newly from a have you any work for a Cooper to a non placet reverentiae nostra: Morralists say that old men are twice children; this Nestor has out lived his wisdom long since, and is now ready to commence Doctor of his faculty of ignorance. There are more whelps in this kennel still; but I have not stones enough to knock them all on the head: one of them they have sent before to Hell as harbinger to prepare lodgings for the rest of his fellowes: his Epitaph written by my dear friend, I shall here insert, with which I'll conclude.  

jo. jo. 
 jovi κοπρίω 
 Et 
 Veneri Πανδήμω 
 Sacrum.  
IN Capella divi johannis Becherus jacet,  
Vtinam omnes Miso Caroli sic jacerent,  
Qui primus Capellam Directorio inquinavit,  
Noctis impiae proles an pater nescio,  
Quem Oxonium in Cantabrigiae cacavit sinum.  
Puritanismi sordes,  
Hypochryseos Coryphaeus.  
Pietatis opprobrium quam simulavit,  
cvi lucrum Deos fecit, timor Diabolum  
In vultu tenebrae, cord habitavit dolus,  
At scias velim sacrum esse hoins caput,  
Facies Vulcano, quaedam Veneri,  
Manus Mercurio consecratae:  
Caetera nota; abi quisquis es,& ne sis talis;  
Si quis hoc posuit quaeris nihil agis.  
Johannensis Orthodoxus.   
FINIS.