b'\n\nKELLEY JENNESS \n\n\n\n\nClass \n\nBook \n\nGopyrigM^ . \n\n\n\nCOPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. \n\n\n\nTHE PILOT FLAME \n\n\n\nBY \n\nKELLEY JENNESS \n\nA practicing pastor, engaged in lighting \n\npilot flames \n\n\n\n\nBOSTON \n\nSHERMAN, FRENCH & COMPANY \n\n1912 \n\n\n\n\n\n\nCopyright, 1912 \nSherman, French & Company \n\n\n\nC!,A33218 ! . \n\n\n\nFOREWORD \n\nThe ladies of the community decreed a baby \nshow to provide the funds for a children\'s play- \nground. Where a beautiful child is esteemed a \nmore desirable possession than an automobile, \nsuch an effort meets with success. The parson- \nage had an exhibit for this show, our dolly girl, \nVirginia, life\'s most entrancing plaything. Her \nmother would have liked to display her exhibit, \nbut it happened on that day that "Mrs. Rumsey \nJenness" must take a train to keep the date of a \ntemperance lecture. The mother arrayed her \ndolly with tender glee, and then, with last re- \ngretful looks, the temperance lecturer departed to \nmeet the stern obligations of the public life. It \nfell to my lot to hold the exhibit, number eighty- \nseven, in the Two Year Olds. More delightful \nthan a blossom fete, were the flower beds of babies, \nfilling large school rooms. The crowd flowed by, \nmaking comments, which I enjoyed because \neighty-seven was a good exhibit. The impartial \njudges brought from distant cities passed un- \nknown in the procession. When the crowd be- \ncame so dense that I was afraid the heat might \nwilt my exhibit, I retired with her to the cool \nfringe of folks on the lawn. In placid satisfac- \ntion I was chatting with friends about the ac- \n\n\n\nFOREWORD \n\ncomplishment of the playground funds. From \nthe steps, far down in front, a voice called, \n"Where is eighty-seven? Who was eighty-seven? \nEighty-seven is awarded first prize in the Two \nYear Old Section." As I went through the crowd \ncarrying my exhibit to receive the prize, I felt \nthat it was wrong that "Rumsey Jenness" was not \nthere too, for the exhibit was certainly more her \nachievement than mine. \n\nI am now called upon to hold another exhibit \nwhich is our joint achievement, our book, "Th\xc2\xa3 \nPilot Flame." It has come out of our yokefellow \nlife ; we have clothed it with our toil ; we have sat \nup with it nights ; and we have enj oyed it when it \nwas good. I wonder, is "The Pilot Flame" as \ngood an exhibit as Virginia? Shall I enjoy hold- \ning it so much as I did eighty-seven? \n\n\n\nTITLES OF CHAPTERS \n\nPAGE \n\nThe Title Analogy .... 1 \n\nI The Child Who Conforms . .16 \n\nII The Child Who Varies . . . 54* \n\nIII Illumination 96 \n\nIV The Perception of the Presence \n\nof God 1ST \n\nV The Lettered and the Learned . 157 \n\nVI The Turbulent Bar . . . .192 \n\nVII Dark Till Jesus Comes .... 221 \n\nVIII Made-Over Garments .... 251 \n\n\n\nTHE TITLE ANALOGY \n\nIn the regions where natural gas is abundant, \nmost families have in the cellars of their houses \nan apparatus through which flowing hot water \nis delivered where it is needed throughout the liv- \ning rooms. This hot water is not heated in a \ntank, whose capacity may be exhausted when on \none evening the whole family is minded to keep \nthe ceremony of bathing. The water is heated \nas it flows, and he who comes last in his use of it \ngets the hottest. The secret of this mysterious \nand continuous flow of hot water is the pilot flame, \na tiny gas jet in the secret place of the heater, \nburning in the midst of a circle of powerful gas \nburners which are set under the coil of water \npipes. The pilot flame itself might heat a cup- \nful of water in an hour. Ordinarily it burns with \na one candle power, but it is able to flash into a \nflame having the heating power of hundreds of \ncandles. When the water faucets are opened in \nthe rooms above, the rushing stream automatic- \nally lets loose a flood of gas which streams out \nthrough the circle of powerful burners and is \nignited by the pilot flame. The fervid flame \nroaring around the coiled water pipe heats the \nwater as it flows, so that there issues from the \nfaucets steaming water. The flow will continue \n\n\n\n2 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nas long as the channel is open. When the faucet \nis closed and the flowing of the water stops, the \nsupply of gas is cut off, the fervent blaze dimin- \nishes to the little pilot flame, and the water in the \ncoiled pipes becomes motionless and cold. But the \npilot flame burns on, faithful and expectant; and \nso long as it burns, the slightest movement of the \nwater will transform the cold inert fluid into a \nwarm, living flood. \n\nIf the pilot flame has never been lighted, if a \nstrong wind has blown it out, or if the pinhole \nthrough which the gas flows to sustain the flame \nbe stopped with rust, then the water which was \nneeded hot, flows out cold. So little gas flows \nthrough the pilot flame hole, that if it be not \nburned, it mingles with the air, and is only faintly \nperceptible. But if the water is caused to flow \nwhen the pilot flame is not lighted, the volume of \ngas liberated by its flow, but not consumed, fills \nthe cellar and becomes an agent of terrible and \ndeadly power. Some accidental contact with a \nflame may cause it to rend the house above. \n\nEvery normal individual has in the uncompre- \nhended depths of his personality, an apparatus \nthrough which the power of God may be. applied \nto all his flowing activities, so that each activity \nmay be dispatched in the warmth of courage and \nhope. This apparatus is not readily inspected, \nbecause it works in the dim and unexplored por- \ntions of his nature. It is not necessary to keep \nit under constant inspection, any more than it is \n\n\n\nTHE TITLE ANALOGY 3 \n\nnecessary for the family to live in the cellar. \nWhether or not it is fulfilling its function is de- \ntermined not by an inspection of the apparatus, \nbut by the presence or absence of courage and \nhope in the flowing activities. It is not necessary \nfor every man to inquire into the origin of this \napparatus ; he may accept on large testimony the \nfact that it is there. It is necessary for every \nman to take heed that the apparatus is in order, \nthat the pilot flame is lighted and faithfully burn- \ning. It is necessary to heed the caution that the \nwinds of greed do not blow the flame out, nor the \nrust of riches fill the burner through which the \npower of God has access into the soul of man. \nHe in whom this apparatus is working will find \nthat the power of God is not stored in a little \ntank-like section of his activities ; nor need it \nbe saved to i>e used sparingly in desperate emer- \ngencies of sorrow; automatically it flows with the \ndispatching of his normal activities. \n\nThat it may be present as the genial warmth of \ncourage and hope expressed in all the rooms of \nliving, it is needful that the pilot flame of the \nrecognition of God be burning. If the pilot flame \nof the recognition of God has never been lighted ; \nif the strong winds of greed and bitterness have \nblown it out ; if the rust of riches has filled up the \nsmall access which the power of God has into the \npersonality of the normal man, then all the activi- \nties of life are dispatched cold. They may rush \nforth under the pressure of energy and ability; \n\n\n\n4 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nnevertheless, they are cold. Faith, burning like \na pilot flame, can ignite the outrushing power \nwhich accompanies activities, and can turn that \npower into the genial warmth of courage and \nhope. \n\nIt may even happen that should there be great \nneed of activities being dispatched in the warmth \nof courage and hope and they be forced out with- \nout this warmth, there may accumulate in the \ncellar of personality a deadly depression which \nfinds expression in the bitter spirit, in forms of \nworry and of nervousness, in excessive and rest- \nless activities, and finally even, in the explosion of \ndespair. \n\nThe Lighting of the Pilot Flame is the Normal \nReligious Experience. \n\nWhen there is sufficient emphasis of attention, \nthe normal consciousness can tell whether the \npilot flame is burning, whether the recognition \nof God has been made. When such a recognition \nhas not been made, there is a perception of lack. \n\nDefinite memories of religious experiences are \nthe incidents of the lighting of the flame. When- \never personal responsibility is emerging and is be- \nginning to control the dispatching of activities, \nthe pilot flame may be kindled. The spark that \nshall kindle the flame is received from the burning \nflame of another life. The religious duty of par- \nents, teachers and pastor ministers is to offer the \nburning flame in their own lives for the kindling \nof the new flames. \n\n\n\nTHE TITLE ANALOGY 5 \n\nAs the pilot flame may be blown out by a strong \nwind, so the recognition of God may be obliter- \nated by the winds of doubt or of dissipation. \n\nAs rust may fill the aperture through which \nthe power that sustains the pilot flame flows, so \nthe cares of this world and the rust of riches may \nstop the possibility of kindling a soul. \n\nThe burning pilot flame furnishes a conscious \nperception. When it is tenderly lighted in child- \nhood days, so that its use is anticipated, its pres- \nence will be perceived by the heat in the water, \nthat is, by the hope and courage that sustains the \ndaily activities. \n\nWhen the lighting of the flame is delayed and \nis provoked by a great need, or when it is accom- \nplished in a public meeting, there is frequently \nsuch a perception of outpouring heat and power \nas to make a radical change in consciousness, an \nexperience never to be mistaken or forgotten \nthroughout a life time. \n\nKeeping the pilot flame burning is practicing \nthe presence of God. The accounts of the use \nof the pilot flame will tell of times when the pres- \nence was specially apparent, and will also tell of \noccasions when in response to a great need, the \npilot flame was able to do its work, to meet its \nemergency and supply a great volume of hope and \ncourage. \n\nThe analogy of the lighting of the pilot flame \nwill readily provide four aspects under which we \nmay study such a large number of religious ex- \n\n\n\n6 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nperiences that we may reach the accurate concep- \ntion of the normal case. These aspects are "The \nChild who Conforms;" "The Child who Varies;" \n"Illumination ;" and "The Perception of the Pres- \nence of God." \n\nThe material for study consists of one hundred \nand eight experiences written in some detail, which \nhave been provided by two congregations, one at \nBerkeley, California, and one at Morgantown, \nWest Virginia. To these written experiences \nmust be added the very much more extensive \nknowledge of cases which has come to a minister \nwho is constantly absorbed in the practice of \nlighting pilot flames. Never in the last fifteen \nyears has the average number of cases personally \nattended fallen below a hundred. While the \nknowledge gained in practice is undoubtedly used \nin the interpretation of the cases, for the sake of \ngreat accuracy, the written testimonies of a con- \nsiderable number are offered to establish every \npoint. \n\nIn both congregations the gathering of the \nexperiences was made into a program from which \nfollowed many benefits in addition to the gather- \ning of the material. A considerable number of \nthe more intellectual type, who are entirely in- \nhibited in the ordinary evangelistic meeting, came \nto that "strange warming of the heart." Emo- \ntions were set flowing, memories were stirred, \nvague aspirations focused upon a realization, \nuntil the after atmosphere of the church was \n\n\n\nTHE TITLE ANALOGY 7 \n\n"better than a revival," as many remarked. \n\nMany, retarded in their Christian development, \ndiscovered their condition, and were led to de- \nmand the benefits that have been waiting for them \nout of the royal bounty of the King. It was \nfound that the focusing of attention upon the re- \nligious experience lets loose power, just as the \ncontemplation of Jesus produces an impression \nof uplift and of enlightenment ; that the bringing \nout of the storehouse of their memories the ex- \nperiences upon which their lives have turned, \nopens for the people the great storehouse of di- \nvine bounty. Where one was sufficiently familiar \nwith the pen and sufficiently able to express him- \nself in writing, ten who did not write out their ex- \nperience, were reached and stirred, and induced \nto look back over the way whence they had come. \nIn such a program, all the beneficial results of a \nfresh and vital testimony meeting are produced, \nwhile the depression of worn cant is avoided. \n\nAs significant as the effect upon the people \nshould be the effect upon the minister. The ac- \ncurate study of cases enables him to lay aside any \nmechanical theories that may have lingered from \ntheological school-days. In proportion as his \nknowledge is derived from transpiring cases and \nis accurate, he becomes a soul expert. In the \ncare of souls that are in the Way, and in the cure \nof souls that are out of the Way, he comes to \nthat firm, yet delicate skill which is in the fingers \nof a great surgeon. \n\n\n\n8 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nThe finding of the accurate facts in regard to \nthe normal religious experience waits upon the \nproviding of material for study; that is, a suf- \nficiently large collection of accurately described \nnormal experiences. Such a collection must be \nprovided by the ministers who have the entrance \ninto the souls of their people. \n\nMuch attention has been given to the abnormal \nand exceptional case. We have abundance of evi- \ndence that the power of God can transform the \ngutter drunkard; but we have as yet no accurate \nmethod of applying this power. \n\nWhen Professor William James turned the \nsearch-light of psychology upon the religious ex- \nperience, "he loaded his lectures with concrete \nexamples" but he chose all of his experiences from \nthe "extremer expressions" of the religious tem- \nperament. He has largely used the testimony of \nthe saints, admitting that because they were a \nspecialized class, their experience was abnormal. \nPie thinks that the religious impulses must be \ncombined with common sense to obtain the whole- \nsome normal practice. Yet for the successful \nproduction of this difficult combination, he leaves \nthe practicing minister to his own devices. There \nis nowhere provided a clear analysis of the normal \nreligious experience. \n\nProfessor Starbuck and Professor Coe have \neach undertaken studies of the religious experi- \nence, and have gathered such a collection of cases \nas they could obtain. They have succeeded in \n\n\n\nTHE TITLE ANALOGY 9 \n\nputting clearly into the minds of all religious \npractitioners at least one important fact \xe2\x80\x94 the \nnormal time for vivid religious experience is be- \ntween the ages of twelve and twenty. While \npractitioners return thanks to the careful scholars \nfor the facts they have established, they need \nmore. They need the facts upon which they \\ can \ndepend for the normal cases. Here the excep- \ntion does not prove the rule. Hard pressed with \nhis active practice, the minister needs to have \nworked out for him the steps of the process to be \ndefinitely expected in the normal case. The av- \nerage minister must practice among the average \npeople, with only occasional access to the inhabi- \ntants of the slums below and the saints above. \n\nThis book has been prepared in the hope that \ncase gathering will be undertaken by many minis- \nters, and thus the material needed for accurate \nstudy provided. The pressure of this hope has \nproduced the book. During the six months in \nwhich scraps of time have been devoted to arrang- \ning the material, three hundred and sixteen indi- \nviduals have been labored with personally to the \nend that the pilot flame might be lighted within \ntheir souls, and one hundred and forty-three have \nbeen carefully prepared by a vital experience and \nby needed instruction for church membership. \nThe knowledge already obtained from the com- \nparative study of cases has lent definiteness to \nthe work. \n\nThe work of preparing this book has been car- \n\n\n\n10 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nried on upon a desk that has so many pigeon \nholes containing the papers referring to the dif- \nferent interests of the local church that reference \nclippings get lost in the maze. The desk is \nflanked by two constantly ringing telephones, \nso that each paragraph of the book represents \nan interruption. A recent census returned three \nthousand three hundred people who look to this \nchurch for all of religion they have in their \nlives, and who call upon its minister for funerals, \nweddings, and all of moral help that they use. \nThe minister\'s study door stands open to them \nall; he keeps business hours, and carries forward \nas large a volume of practice as a doctor in light- \ning pilot flames, in applying prayer to sickness, \nand sympathy to sorrow. If the book has suf- \nfered, the people have not. \n\nEach of the two congregations from which the \nexperiences used for study were gathered, \nneighbored with a state university. In each case \nthe university constituency, \xe2\x80\x94 faculty families \nand students \xe2\x80\x94 numbered perhaps twenty-five per \ncent, of a membership of approximately a thou- \nsand, a little less in one church, a little more in \nthe other. In both cases the remaining seventy- \nfive per cent, was absolutely democratic, being \ncomposed of a few men of independent business \nand some means, clerks and office workers, me- \nchanics and working people, including even a \nsprinkling of drunkards, converted and needing \nto be converted. Among the women, who do not \n\n\n\nTHE TITLE ANALOGY 11 \n\noutnumber the men, are a few of social efficiency \nand establishment, many capable housekeepers \ndoing the work for their own families, school \nteachers, office girls and shop girls, and maids in \nhousehold service. \n\nWhile the basis for the case gathering was thus \ndemocratic, the classification of religious experi- \nences bears no relation either to degree of attain- \nment economically, or to intellectual culture. \nAfter reading the written report of cases, some- \nwhat more than one hundred in number, and after \nconsidering the verbal accounts of ten times as \nmany experiences, we are forced to the conclusion \nthat there is neither male nor female, there is \nneither capable nor inefficient, there is neither edu- \ncated nor uncouth, there is neither sensitive nor \nhardened, in the matter of the religious experi- \nence. All of these distinctions drop away as ex- \nternals before the primal nature of the individual. \nWith pronouns eliminated and the distinguishing \nclues of penmanship and grammar smoothed out, \na careful reader would be unable correctly to allot \nthe experiences to man and woman, to capable and \ninefficient. In the cases of the cultured and the \nuntrained, it must be admitted that, in some in- \nstances, the cultured are able to express them- \nselves in accurate and personal terms, while the \nuntrained are largely dependent upon well-worn \nphrases, or phrases suggested by the questions. \nWhere the trained minds make use of the well- \nworn or suggested phrases, we may have some \n\n\n\n12 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nsuspicion that the expression is not intimately \nrelated to the experience. In the cases of un- \ntrained minds, the well-worn and suggested \nphrases come out weighted with a depth of emo- \ntionality and personal reality which should not \nbe undervalued. If sufficient allowance be made \nfor differences in power of expression, we shall be \nforced to the conclusion that the type of the re- \nligious experience does not depend upon the out- \nward framework of the life. \n\nIn looking for the true basis for the classifica- \ntion of religious experiences, we are next obliged \nto eliminate the conception that the type of the \nexperience determines the after quality of the \nChristian life. A peculiarly vivid experience is \nnot necessarily the entrance into a peculiarly ex- \ncellent Christian life. Nor does a peculiarly \nplacid experience necessarily mean a devitalized \nChristian life. While the abundance and sin- \ncerity of Christian activities may be offered as \ntestimony to the reality of the experience, the \ndegree of activity cannot be used as the basis of \nclassification of the type of the experience. The \nfervor with which a man courts his sweetheart does \nnot determine the degree of comfort and luxury \nwhich he maintains in his home. His faithful ef- \nforts at maintaining his home, may, however, be \nreceived as evidence of the sincerity of his court- \nship, regardless of whether the expression of his \ncourtship was fervid or formal. Like courtship, \nthe religious experience is an adjustment of re- \n\n\n\nTHE TITLE ANALOGY 13 \n\nlationships brought about under the pressure of \nan emotion. Like married life, Christian activity \nis an expression of the sincere acceptance of this \nrelationship. \n\nNor does the word "temperament" provide any \naccurate basis of classification. Some of the most \nemotional Christians can remember no transform- \ning single experience. Some of the most matter- \nof-fact and controlled, can remember one vital oc- \ncasion when their entire consciousness turned \nover, like a great stone pried from its place. \n\nThere are two normal types of the religious ex- \nperience. One remembers a vivid and never-to-be- \nmistaken occasion, when all inhibitions of unwill- \ningness being swept away by a strong tide of \nemotionality, an adjustment of relationship with \nGod was made. The other type, generally reach- \ning back into childhood, tells of episodes and of \noccasions when it was realized that God was in \nrelationship to the life. This type are frequently \nhazy as to exactly the time at which this relation- \nship was achieved. \n\nThe religious experience is closely intertwined \nwith the emerging of the consciousness of indi- \nviduality, as contrasted with consciousness of \nfamily and environing institutions, like school and \nchurch. If individuality emerges from family \nconsciousness without friction, a placid religious \nexperience will be normal. If there be a friction, \nor a reaction from family ideals, or a lack of \npreparation for emerging individuality, a more \n\n\n\nU THE PILOT FLAME \n\nclimacterical experience may be expected. On \nthe flowing river of life, at the point where \ninterior responsibility should take control \nof conduct, there is apparently a lock and a dam \nacross the stream. A sympathetically wise par- \nent, or Sunday School teacher, or pastor, may \nsucceed in steering childhood consciousness into \nthe lock, where it is let down so smoothly into \nadult individuality that the time of the transition \nis not perceived. If this steering is not per- \nformed, a few young spirits may accidentally stray \ninto the lock, but it must be expected that the \nmajority will go over the dam. Going over the \ndam provides a more vivid sensation than passing \nthrough the lock. It is not mistaken nor for- \ngotten. \n\nNo superior excellence need be claimed for \neither type of experience. Children whose re-- \nligious consciousness has been carefully nurtured \nwill probably find the passage through the lock \nmost pleasing, provided always they are actually, \nsteered through the lock, and not left to float on \nthe pool of immature consciousness provided by \nthe family and church. On the other hand, going \nover the dam has not been found to be either \ndangerous or disastrous. In the cases of that \nlarge number who have missed careful steering, \nit may be the only available method of securing \nthat much needed interior submission to divine \ncontrol, when parental control is breaking up. \nThis type of experience will prevail when the \n\n\n\nTHE TITLE ANALOGY 15 \n\nChristian family is failing to direct carefully its \nchildren. \n\nBoth types of experience are normal and ef- \nfective. Let it be clearly perceived that the type \nof experience is an accident of maturing life. He \nwho has come through the lock and he who has \ncome over the dam should continue on down the \nriver of life in the fellowship of mutual respect. \n\n\n\nCHAPTER I \n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS \n\nThe arrival of a baby, trailing clouds of \nvicarious suffering which are coloured with the \nglory of love, sets wide one of life\'s gateways. \nJust as it is possible to catch an impression of \nglory by keeping close behind some saint who \npasses in at the gate of the celestial city, so it is \npossible to perceive a meaning of life, by being a \nreverent watchman when the gate of entrance is \nthrown open. At this entrance. gate is an altar, \nfor an altar is a place where the divine and the \nhuman meet and mingle. The high functions of \nministrants before the altar at the entrance gate- \nway of life pertain to the women, the mother lying \nprostrate but triumphant, and the nurse clothed \nwith the infallible authority of the pope. By \nmeekly lingering around the place where the mys- \ntery has been revealed, the father may find that \nthe functions of the altar boy will be allotted to \nhim, and he will be permitted to hold the robes, \nand carry some of the vessels used in the tender \nprocesses of receiving the new comer into life. \nBy being faithfully on hand, a father found one \n\nimportant office assigned to him, \xe2\x80\x94 he was per- \n\n16 \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 17 \n\nmitted to put his big hand under the wobbly little \nhead, and support it evenly on that day when the \nbaby was first put into the bath-tub. When the \nlast baby arrived, having heard the day for this \nevent announced, he was on hand, listening with \nall respectful attention to the directions of the \nnurse. The nurse had ministered many times be- \nfore this altar at the entrance gate of life, and \nshe discoursed with profound insight upon the \nevent about to take place. \n\nShe said the bath should take place when the \nbaby was neither hungry nor sleepy, but having \nawakened from a long nap, was ready for a new \nsensation. The water should be minutely ad- \njusted to the temperature of the baby\'s flesh, and \nthe fire should make the air a little warmer, to \nallow for possible chilling by evaporation. Tall \nscreens should shut out any possibility of a draft, \nfor the roseleaf covering of the baby is abnor- \nmally sensitive. \n\nThe nurse folded a large soft towel and laid it \nin the bottom of the tub. Robes and wrappings \nhaving been removed, she gently lowered the little \nbody, letting my hand support behind the head \nand extend under the uncertain neck. While she \ntossed the water with gentle pattings, I watched \nthe blossom face, looking for some sign of stirring \nimpressions within. I thought I saw surprise \nand attention flickering there. Then the baby\'s \neyes, like two violets with the dew on them, caught \non my eyes, and pleasure emerged and spread \n\n\n\n18 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ndown to the little mouth, which surely smiled. \n\nThe nurse lifted her carefully and folded her \ninto a warm blanket and uttered further words of \nwisdom. \n\n"It is good that she did not cry. If you are \ncareless about the first bath, so that the baby does \nnot like it and cries, it will almost surely cry \nevery time you bathe it. When I began taking \ncare of babies, I thought the water ought to be \ncool to harden them a little, but it is a mistake. \nI took care of a baby that cried every time it \nwas bathed and acted as if it were abused. It \nwas apparently perfectly well, but the mother \ndreaded so to bathe the baby, that she kept me \ntaking care of it. When I left it, the baby was \nmore than a year old, but I expect it is crying \nstill every time it is bathed. Now I know that \nyou cannot be too careful about the first time in \nbathing babies. If the baby likes it, the bathing \nbecomes a happy play time for the mother and \nfor the baby. But if the baby is frightened at the \nnew sensation, the terror may deepen every day, \nand the necessity of the bath becomes a dreaded \nstrain upon the mother." \n\nAs each day slipped by, our baby girl affirmed \nthe joy of her bath. The wobbly head stiffened \nup on its post, until she could sit up in her tub, \nand had no further use for my supporting hand. \nShe would spatter the water with her little palms, \nmaking bubbles ; then she would catch the floating \nbubbles, and, when they would break, she would \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 19 \n\nlaugh with that fresh glee of a soul awakening \ninto a beautiful world. \n\nThe mother, sitting by, would laugh too, and \nsay, "How different it is from my struggles with \nthe boy. He was the first baby, and the nurse \nwas not so wise. I can recall that the first time \nshe bathed him, the water was a little cool accord- \ning to her theory of hygiene, and he cried. I \nprotested that he looked somewhat blue, but she \nsaid that he needed to be hardened. Every time \nhe was bathed he cried. When the nurse left, and \nI must care for him myself, the bathing was the \nordeal of the day. Even though he is now a big \nboy, he still dislikes water, and bathing is a duty \nto which I must nag him." \n\nThe little girl proclaims that water is a medium \nsoft and delightful, and that bathing has many \nresources of joy. The boy, child of the same \nhousehold, proclaims that water is a source of \nterror, and that bathing is a tyranny inflicted by \nhis mother. If you ask the mother, she will tell \nyou that bathing is neither for the amusement of \nher little girl, nor for the torment of her boy, \nbut it has in both cases the same purpose and de- \ntermination of keeping her children clean. "The \nfact that the little girl likes the bath, makes the \nwork of keeping her clean, a beautiful fellowship \nof joy. As she grows into the knowledge of tak- \ning care of herself, she will affirm the goodness of \nthe care I have been giving her. The boy troubles \nme. I cannot get his consent to being clean. I \n\n\n\n20 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ncan only hope that when he comes to his maturing \nand begins to be responsible for his own life, that \nhe will get a new insight, and come to a convic- \ntion of the need of being clean. I hope that the \nneed of being clean will then overcome that early \nassociation of terror. That first bath, inflicted \non him by a nurse who had theories of hygiene, \nbut who did not observe that a baby is not only \na body but a sensitive plate receiving indelible \nimpressions, makes water with him an association \nof dislike." \n\nSuch wisdom an acolyte can gain while serving \nat the altar of the unfolding of new life. Birth \nis not the beginning of life ; apparently life has \nno beginning. Birth is the coming into a new \nenvironment and development is the response to \nthe new sensations. A number of times human \nlife comes into a new environment, although birth \nand death may be the most abrupt of these tran- \nsitions. As the child enters into new ranges of \nsensation, the associations created will be either \nof pleasure and approval, or of terror and dis- \nlike. \n\nDuring the first five or six years, the child \nunfolds in the pool of the family consciousness, \nsoaking up ver} r accurate impressions of what \nthe family considers good and what the family \nconsiders bad. If during this time the family \nreligion can have been perceived by him as an \nhonoured ideal, so that his associations with re- \nligion are those of devotion and aspiration, he \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 21 \n\nwill always affirm that the practice of worship \nhas many resources of joy. When he has at- \ntained the maturity which enables him to know- \ningly affirm this ideal, this affirmation will be the \ntrue entrance into the Christian state of being. \n\nIn the cases of the child who conforms, where \nthe childhood feeling before the expression of de- \ncision can be remembered, it is spoken of in \nterms of "oughtness" or of "expectation." "I \nknew I ought to be a Christian," or "I always ex- \npected to become a Christian" are the expres- \nsions generally used. Where the family en- \nthusiastically holds the Christian ideals and sin- \ncerely strives for their every day realization, the \nhope may be cherished that the child will ratify \nthese ideals, will conform to the family type, and \nwill become that satisfying son, of whom the \nfather says, "Thou art ever with me, and all that \nI have is thine." \n\nAt the same time, it must be remembered that \nthe Father hath two sons, the one who stays at \nhome, and the one who goes into the far country. \nIt may be that some theories of doubt held by \nthe parents are reflected in impression upon the \nunfolding soul of the child; it may be that some \nlack of respect for the local church provides as- \nsociations of contempt, or it may be that some \nfailure of every day realization creates the opin- \nion of the lack of relation between profession \nand conduct. In some cases the origin of the \nassociations of disapproval cannot be traced. \n\n\n\n22 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nNot perceiving the deeper utilities of the family \nideals, the child whose individuality is emerging \nmay refuse to be cleansed by the applications of \nChristianity. \n\nSome individualities emerge with so much of \nprotest from the pool of the family conscious- \nness, that they make sweeping rejections. With \nthe rejection of the family standards of dress, \nof methods of serving food, of standards of social \nlife, there is also a rejection of the habits of re- \nligious practice. But this rejection may not be \nfinal. When the time of sweeping rejection has \npassed by, and the judgment has been developed \nto the point of sorting the factors of the family \nconsciousness, accepting some and rejecting \nothers, there is with remarkable frequency a re- \nnewed approval of the family religion. \n\nIf by some accident the child fails to get out \nof the pool of the family consciousness the as- \nsociations of approval, or if he has failed alto- \ngether of Christian nurture, it may yet be \nbrought about that at the time of his maturing, \nhe may get an insight into the deep utilities of \nthe Christian life. This deeper insight will not \nbe supplied by the family, but will be opened up \nby some teacher, friend, or preacher. The new \ninsight may be a vision vital enough to overcome \nthe earlier impressions of disapproval or of in- \ndifference. \n\nShould the child who varies fail of his personal \nexperience at the time of his maturing, there is \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 23 \n\nyet another chance. Even if he has gone into \nthe far country, and tried to satisfy himself with \nriotous thinking and riotous conduct, there has \nfollowed him the family faith in God. When \nhis decision has been delayed until the second in- \nsight which generally comes between twenty and \ntwenty-five, his religious experience is described \nas a return to the family teaching. The expres- \nsion most frequently used is, "I always knew it \nwas right." \n\nChristian nurture sets into life the feeling of \n"oughtness" the consciousness of obligation in \nrelation to God. It is the anchor to the soul, \nsure and steadfast, entering to that within the \nveil. However far this anchor may be dragged, \nthere is abundant demonstration that in many \ncases it does catch and hold, even after many \nyears. \n\nThe impressions built into the growing brain \ngo the deepest and remain the longest. In his \nEnquiries into the Human Faculty, F. Galton \nhas computed that thirty-nine per cent, of all as- \nsociations of adult mental life were those of child- \nhood, and the associations of recent years were \nvery few. This computation may not hold true \nfor every person, and yet it gives some idea of the \nabiding hold which childhood impressions have \nupon adult life. \n\nWhen the written experiences were sorted, \nsi^ty-three were found which make short and \ndefinite enough mention of the beginning of the \n\n\n\n24* THE PILOT FLAME \n\nChristian decision, to be used in a study of the \ndifferent types. When these sixty- three experi- \nences were again sorted as to whether they were \nthe experiences of early childhood, or whether \nthey belonged to the experiences of youth, it was \nfound that thirty-three belonged to early child- \nhood and thirty to the period between ten and \ntwenty, one experience of a child of nine being \nincluded in the mature experiences, because the \nchild was evidently matured by seeing the death \nof her mother. When there is added to this \ncount, the observations of years of experience, it \nmay be claimed that it is not accidental that the \ntype of the experience divides about half and \nhalf. There is the son that stays at home, and \nthere is the son that goes into the far country. \n\nAs between California testimonies and those \nfrom West Virginia, a slight difference in atti- \ntude can be consistently noted. The California \nchildren felt "they ought to ;" the West Virginia \nchildren say "they expected to." In the inter- \npretation of the change from "I ought" to "I ex- \npected" it may be considered that the size and \ndignity of the Methodist Church as related to \nthe whole population, is much weaker in Cali- \nfornia than it is in West Virginia. It may be \ngranted that the way the child felt is an accurate 1 \ninterpretation of the attitude of the parent. \nWhere the church is sufficiently strong and main- \ntained with sufficient dignity to be to the people \nthe expression of an ideal, the attitude of the \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 25 \n\npeople changes from duty to privilege. The en- \nfolding feeling which nurtures the child changes \nfrom "I ought" to "I expected." On the other \nhand, it may be maintained that the response to \n"I ought" provides a more vigorous motive than \nthe response to "I expected." \n\nAnother unexpected fact emerges from the \ncomparative study of California and West Vir- \nginia experiences. Twenty-seven of the early \nchildhood experiences come from West Virginia, \nand only six from California. This is an unex- \npected fact, because Methodism in West Virginia \nstill very largely takes its ideals from the early \ndays, and heartily believes in a vivid religious ex- \nperience to be obtained by the way of the altar, \nat about the age of sixteen. So hearty is the \napproval of the vivid type of experience that a \nnumber mention wistfully that they have never \nbeen able to obtain it, although they made faith- \nful trial of the altar. In eight cases it is men- \ntioned that although it was definitely sought, no \nadditional experience could be obtained at the \naltar. \n\nIn West Virginia, Methodism is now an hon- \norable inheritance, sometimes amounting to a \nfamily pride. The growing child finds this atti- \ntude in the family consciousness, and so early \nratifies it with his approval, that the later and \napproved experience becomes impossible for him. \nIn California, Methodism has not as yet the \nstrength of many traditions, nor is there the \n\n\n\n26 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ngeneral approval of the altar experience. Never- \ntheless, the majority of its experiences tell of the \nmore vivid type, attained between twelve and \ntwenty. \n\nWhere a church is established and is sustaining \nitself with sufficient devotion and integrity to \nhave the unqualified approval of its members, the \ngeneral type of experience which may be expected \nin the children which it nurtured, is that of rati- \nfication of the family ideals. Where the par- \nticular church is a break with the established ex- \npressions of religion, a reaction from practices al- \nready existing, the more vivid and individual type \nof experience is most prevalent. \n\nUnder ten, the religious experience is the ap- \nproval of the family ideals brought to the point \nof decision and public expression. The principle \nupon which childhood experiences should be classi- \nfied is the degree and kind of approval manifested \nby the child, coupled with a study of the inci- \ndents and feelings which brought about this ap- \nproval. It is as well worth while to put the \nchild down tenderly into the great new experience \nof self-consciousness, as it is to put the baby \ndown tenderly into the experience of the bath. \nIt is as important that this new experience be \nassociated with pleasure and that it meet with \nhis approval, as it is that the baby be pleased \nwith its bath. The memory impressions, prob- \nably retained throughout life, are forever stained \nwith these first associations. The roseate glow \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 27 \n\nof affection and of faith, or the blue of criticism \nand the gray of doubt, flowing from the mind of \nthe mother provide those dyes upon the con- \nsciousness of the child which are never faded \nor eliminated. \n\nThe thirty-three experiences to be studied are \nthose colored with the roseate glow of affection \nand faith. They put the crown of glory upon \n"mother." She it is who so genuinely lived her \nChristian life, and who so glorified God, that her \nemotion of approval was transferred to her child. \n\nThe standpoint from which the under-ten-years- \nof-age experiences are to be studied, is the de- \ngree of warmth with which the family ideals are \naffirmed. Five degrees in this warmth may be \nclearly enough marked off to describe the varia- \ntions of the affirmation. \n\n1. The first of these degrees is expressed by \nthe words, occurring in a number of the testi- \nmonies, "I never thought of anything else." For \nthese the doctrine of the Fatherhood of God has \nnever been an ideal nor an illustration, but a fact \nas genuine as their earthly parentage. You \nwould have the same difficulty in persuading them \nthat they are not Christians as you would have \nin persuading them that they are not the chil- \ndren of their own father and mother. They at- \ntend the church services as they do the family \nmeals ; they take the services as theirs b}^ right, \nand go through with them without particular \ncomment, or with criticism if they happen to de- \n\n\n\n28 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nsire something else, just as the indulged child \nset securely in the midst of his home, thought- \nlessly eats his meals, or secure in the feeling of \nhis father\'s house, demands something else his ap- \npetite may fancy. Nearly one-third of the child- \nhood testimonies belong to this degree of affirma- \ntion. This type of religious experience may be \ncalled "The Son who is at Home." Ten cases \nwill be given, showing the feeling of those who \nabide among their own people. \n\nA. "I was reared in a Christian home and have \nalways felt that I wanted to be a Christian, from \nthe earliest moment I can remember having thought \nupon such matters. My father was the superinten- \ndent of the Sunday School, and never thought of al- \nlowing his children to remain away from church or \nSunday School, if it was possible for us to go. I \nwas about eight years old when I was received into \nthe church. I remember it very distinctly. I had \na feeling that I was taking a step which meant that \nI should live a good life, and try to do as Jesus \nwanted me to do. I always looked upon the Church \nand Sunday School with about the same idea that I \ndid eating and sleeping, or the day school, so far \nas it being a part of my life is concerned. I never \nthought of anything else, but that it was the thing for \nme, until I was well along in my teens and commenced \nassociating with boys who were indifferent to such \nthings." \n\nB. "I was raised in a Christian home where the \nfamily altar was made sacred. I was taken to church \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 29 \n\nand Sunday School before I was able to go volun- \ntarily ; as I grew up the habit was formed, and church \nattendance was a matter of course. There was a \nperiod in my childhood when it was a strange pleas- \nure to me to attend the old peoples\' class-meeting \nand midweek prayer-meeting. I attended these with \nmy father, and remember an unusual attractiveness \nabout them. But I overheard an elderly woman say \nto another that I was a very good child, to be at those \nmeetings. This notion stuck in my memory, and I \nbegan to think perhaps I was unnaturally good. I \ndo not know how this influenced my later experience, \nbut as I grew into young womanhood these services \nlost their charm." \n\nThe episode of the liking for the class-meeting, \nand the way in which the child\'s feeling was \nchanged so that this liking was destroyed is \nworthy of study because it is a little window \nopened into the soul of a child. The child en- \njoyed the meetings which presumably were \nadapted to the older people, just as a child fre- \nquently gets more enjoyment out of some slight \nparticipation in the occupations of grown people \nthan out of playing with toys. It may be justly \nquestioned whether the most carefully adjusted \nkindergarten occupation provides the child with \nso great pleasurable interest as a part in the \neconomic life of the home. Does not picking \nfeathers off a chicken provide the child with as \nmuch interest as threading straws and colored \npapers on a string? Is it not more interesting \n\n\n\n30 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nto sort apples, than it is to sort colored beads? \nIs it not more wholesome to shell peas for dinner \nthan it is to stick tooth-picks into dried peas for \nthe purpose of constructing a rickety model of \nfurniture? Is not the felt need for kindergarten \nwork, for manual training, for boy movements, \nthe restlessness caused by the failure to involve \nthe child in the economic life of the family? Is \nit not chores the child needs rather than move- \nments? Involved in the same circle of ideas, is \nthe attempt to elaborately adapt the religious \nexercise to the supposed interest of the child. \nIs not stretching one of the most wholesome of \nexercises? Is not stretching the mind and the \nreligious feeling to reach the more mature com- \nprehension the best method of promoting growth? \nIn recent autobiographies by Jane Addams and \nby Harriet Beecher Stowe, both of these great \nand splendid women dwell upon that feature of \ntheir early training which shows that their fathers \nthrust upon them the garments of large and ma- \nture thinking, regardless as to whether or not \nthese garments should fit, and in both cases they \nremember that the maturing of their minds was \nthe stretching to fit these garments. The child \nwhose growing consciousness is associated with \nflimsy toys learns not strong structure. Religion \nis so largely feeling and association, that the wis- \ndom of providing the children with the flimsy toys \nof elaborately graded lessons may be gravely \nquestioned. \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 31 \n\nBy looking through the window into the soul \nof the child opened by the episode of attending \nclass-meeting, another fact of the consciousness \nof children may be perceived. The comment of \nthe elderly woman, as to her being a very good \nchild, while on the surface fair sounding words, \nwas evidently uttered out of a feeling of con- \ntempt for an abnormal child. It was the woman\'s \nfeeling and not her words which stuck in the soul \nof the child. The words contradicted the feel- \ning, and yet it was the impression of the feeling \nthat influenced the child for many years, and \nfinally entirely took away her pleasure in a re- \nligious exercise she had enjoyed. In selecting \nteachers for children, let it be remembered that the \ndispatching energy of moral or religious influence \nis the strength of the emotion of approval for \nreligious faith and practice, rather than skill in \nthe use of words. \n\nSo much for a glimpse into the window inci- \ndentally opened into the soul of the child. The \nreturn will now be made to the discussion of the \nconsciousness of the "Son who is at Home." \n\nC. "I think I have always been a Christian. I \ncan remember when a very small child, hearing a dear \nold grandmother read out of the Bible. At the ac- \ncount of the crucifixion the tears would stream down \nmy cheeks, and I would say, \'Ob, how could they kill \nsuch a dear loving Saviour. I could not, for I love \nHim.\' I felt an anxiousness to protect Him." \n\n\n\n32 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nD. "What made me become a Christian was be- \ncause I had good Christian parents and was taught \nto love Jesus as soon as I could understand anything. \nI always went to Sunday School and church." \n\nThe above experiences were all prepared by \nmiddle aged people, looking back upon their early \nimpressions. The following is a testimony of the \nunbroken Christian consciousness prepared by a \nschoolgirl, who has to look back over a space of \nseven years, and who can be expected to have re- \ntained accurate impressions. \n\nE. "I grew up in a Christian family, church and \nSunday School. I was always taught to do what \nwas right, and at an early age I became a Christian. \nSoon after I j oined the church with a feeling of peace \nand joy. I have enjoyed very greatly my seven \nyears of Christian life. I get the most feeling that \nGod is near in song and from preaching. I also \nlove to read the Bible, the best of all books. My re- \nligious experience is very valuable to me, and I would \nnot, if I could, exchange it for anything in the world." \n\nFollowing are a few short expressions, marked \nby the fact that the Christian consciousness goes \nback into such early associations that the time of \nits beginning cannot be remembered. They are \ntestimony to the accuracy with which a very little \nchild can enter into the Christian perception. \nThe little son of the parsonage went to Sunday \nSchool for the first time when he was three years \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 33 \n\nold. He returned with a picture of the Good \nShepherd carrying the lamb in his bosom. Anx- \nious to know how much such a little child might \ntruly apprehend, I took him on my lap and asked \nhim to tell what the picture was about. Without \nprompting or suggestion, he told the following \nstory about the picture. "Little baa sheep get \nlost. Little baa sheep all the same me. Little \nbaa sheep, he cry, hard, \'cause he get lost. Jesus \nman come along and find him, and take him up \nin his arms and carry him home to his mamma." \nWas not the whole plan of salvation correctly \napprehended? The sensation of being lost and \nits woe ; the work of the Jesus man who comes \nand finds, the joy of being found, of being carried \nand kept, and finally of being delivered safe in \nthe place of abiding affection, does the oldest and \nwisest any more correctly apprehend the gospel \nof salvation? The babies who are put down with \ntender nurture into the bath of the Christian con- \nsciousness will say, "I cannot remember the time \nwhen it was not understood by me." \n\nF. "I cannot remember the time when I did not \nfeel that I was responsible to God for all my acts, \nand that these would be rewarded or punished." \n\nG. "From childhood I have felt the necessity of \ntrying to be good. I can remember worrying when \nnot more than six because I thought I did not love \nGod enough." \n\n\n\n34 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nH. "I cannot remember when I was not a Chris- \ntian." \n\n1. "I think I must always have been a Christian.*\' \n\nJ. "I always felt that I ought to be a Christian, \nas far back as I can remember. I do not remember \nto have had any special experience. I was brought \nup in a Christian family and very early learned what \nit meant to be a Christian. My mother was a very \ndevoted woman and used to take me to the class-meet- \ning, which I enjoyed very much. I had a feeling \nof relief when I united with the church, as though I \nhad done something that I knew to be right." \n\n2. We come now to consider the second de- \ngree of warmth with which the Christian ideals \nare ratified. As might be anticipated, this degree \nis very similar to the unbroken Christian con- \nsciousness, and yet it is different because it is dis- \ntinguished by a point of definite decision, or the \nexpectation of a decision, which the child dis- \ntinctly remembers. These testimonies were pre- \npared by people in middle life, and it is remark- \nable that the details are remembered with such \naccuracy after many years. This type of testi- \nmony is marked by the words, "I always expected" \nor "it seemed right," and may be called "They \nwho Expect Christ." \n\nA. The first testimony of "They who Ex- \npected Christ" was prepared by a Christian busi- \nness man of good success, who is an exceptionally \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 35 \n\nsweet and sincere Christian, who can be relied \nupon to take a large and gracious part in the \nprayer-meeting, in the collection, and in the so- \ncial occasion. The possession of a few of his type \ngives any church sure foundations. \n\n"I well remember a certain Sunday morning, when \nthe rest of the family all went to church, but I re- \nmained home with mother. I sat by her knee, while \nshe told me in as few and simple words as possible \nwhat it meant to be a Christian, and the reasons \nwhy Christians should belong to the church. She \nasked me if I loved Jesus, and if I wanted to join \nthe church. It seemed perfectly clear that it was \nthe right thing to do, and so I did it. Before taking \nthis step, however, mother read as many of the rules \nof the church as she thought I could understand and \nexplained in outline the church organization and his- \ntory. I remember a feeling of real joy when I joined \nthe church. I was about eight years old at this time." \n\nB. A vigorous woman, of the duty-doing \ntype: \n\n"As I grew up in a Christian family, I felt it my \nduty to become a Christian also. I had no specially \nvivid experience, but at the time of being received \ninto the church, I felt that I belonged to God. Many \ntimes since, I have experienced greater joy and peace. \nI always feel that whatever I do, or wherever I go, \nGod is with me." \n\nC. The following is a testimony prepared by \n\n\n\n36 THE PILOT FLAME \n\na woman of deep intellectuality and delicate feel- \ning. It is a mixed experience of early religious \nconsciousness, confirmed and deepened by the \nlater personal realization. This experience and \nthe one which immediately follows, may be said \nto be classic types of the normal experience, for \nthe children who have received tender Christian \nnurture. There is no morbidness, and yet \nthere is attained at the time of maturing the \ngenuine depth of personal realization, which is \nthe Christian assurance. \n\n"Having grown up in a family of strong Christian \nbelief, I cannot remember when I did not feel deeply \nthe necessity of some day consecrating myself to \nChrist. At sixteen years of age I went forward to \nthe altar at a revival meeting; but not until I reached \nhome, and had been some time in the quiet of my own \nroom, and after continued prayer and consecration, \ndid peace come to my soul. Christ\'s presence was as \nreal to me as the presence of an earthly friend is \nreal to the senses. Since then, especially when the \nstress of life has been great, I have gone to Him with \nan absolute trust in His comfort and guidance, and \nHe never fails me. Nothing can shake my faith, \nfor I know that my Redeemer liveth." \n\nD. As the above experience may be said to \nbe the ideal normal experience for the daughter of \nthe Christian household, the following may be said \nto be the good normal experience for the son. \nThe experience that occurs in the second decade \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 37 \n\nof life is given with these two because it is closely \nassociated with and naturally growing out of the \nconsciousness of the first decade. This is as it \nshould be. The testimony which follows was pre- \npared by a lawyer, of education and keen critical \nmental efficiency. \n\n"I grew up in a Christian home under the influence \nof a Christian mother. She started me right in my \ninfancy and she has done more to keep me right from \nthat time until the present than any other human \ninfluence. I always expected to become a Christian, \nbut did not take the first important step until I was \non a sick bed. I then and there made a solemn vow \nto God that if he brought me through that sickness, \nI would make a public confession and join the church \nat the first opportunity. This I did, during the fol- \nlowing revival services, held in the little church in \nthe community. I did not want to go to the altar \nand believed that if there was such a thing as instant \nconversion I could be converted in my seat. Upon \nthis belief I decided to test the matter. After a \nshort time in earnest prayer upon my knees with God, \na sudden change came over me. My whole being \nseemed to be lighted and everything about me was \nbright and beautiful. My soul was filled with joy \nand there was a satisfying something that made me \nsupremely happy. I then went to the altar and pub- \nlicly proclaimed that I was converted. God answered \nmy prayer in that meeting and I have been able to \nrecognize his answer to my prayers at different times \nsince. I believe in a personal God and try to practice \nPaul\'s saying, T can do all things through Christ \n\n\n\n38 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nwhich strengthened me/ I have received the great- \nest blessings when I realized that my prayers were \nanswered." \n\nHere are two whose conduct is controlled by \nearly Christian nurture, but who were not quite \nsatisfied with their personal ratification. The \ntotal collection of experiences yields a consider- \nable number who confess to this feeling. They \nshould be ranked as cases which somehow failed \nof their normal development. They should be \nbidden to strive and seek until they found a satis- \nfying personal religious consciousness. \n\nE. "It was my blessed privilege to have a Chris- \ntian father and mother, who, ever since I can remem- \nber, taught me to read God\'s word and to pray. I \ndo not remember when I did not say my prayers. \nIf at any time I neglected to do so, when I awoke my \nneglect would come to my mind, and then I would \nbegin to pray. Many times I have gone back to sleep \nrepeating the Lord\'s prayer. When between ten and \neleven years old, I decided to become a Christian. I \nwent to the altar but was not satisfied. I however \nwas taken into the church." \n\nF. "I grew up in a Christian home and grew \nnaturally to look upon church membership as the \nright and natural thing, so I joined the church with- \nout any very vivid experiences, and for several years \ndrifted along about as I had before I joined the \nchurch." (Follow years of drifting, with no sus- \ntaining consciousness of religion.) \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 39 \n\nThen there is an account of a recent return, \nwhich will be found under the mature experiences, \nas it does not apparently grow out of the earlier \nconsciousness but is a fresh experience. \n\nG. "I joined the church when still a boy, because \nit seemed natural and right. But I do not date my \nChristian experience from that time." \n\nA similar case where the years of drifting ap- \nparently separate the childhood consciousness and \nthe mature experience. \n\nWe have now set forth two of the types of child- \nhood consciousness, The Son who is always at \nhome and knows no point of deeper decision, and \nthey who retain the childhood consciousness, in \nsome cases deepening into a personal assurance \nby a conscious decision, and in others drifting \ninto vagueness only to be recalled by a vivid ma- \nture experience. The next degree of the warmth \nof the ratification of the Christian ideals may be \ngathered around the feeling of "privilege." \nThese are cases where the Christian ideals are re- \nceived not only from the family, but from the \nchurch and outside Christian people, so that the \nratification of them means the relating of the \nchild\'s life to a larger ideal. In the first two \ntypes, the ideals were accepted, or it was expected \nthat they would be accepted. There is a greater \ndegree of warmth in the realization of a privilege. \nSomewhat the same shade of difference in general \n\n\n\n40 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nfeeling may be noticed in relation to the ideal of \nmarriage as between people raised under the \nideals of New England and those growing up \nunder the ideals of the South. Most young peo- \nple in New England will regard marriage as an \nexpectation or as a duty; most young people in \nthe South will regard marriage as an attainment, \nan accomplishment, a privilege. These same \nshades of feeling, which are the expression of \nmany influences and ideals, may be detected in re- \nlation to the ratification of Christian nurture. \n\nA. "My parents were Christians. I remember \nfrom my childhood days, my mother\'s prayers and \nsongs, how sweet they were to me. I thought Chris- \ntian people were the most beautiful on earth." \n\nB. "I was sent to Sunday School very young. I \nonly had a mile to go and I went every Sunday that \nit was not raining, and I always loved to go. I had \na good teacher. I knew that she loved everyone in \nher class. When I was about sixteen, we had a big \nmeeting and I joined the church." \n\nC. "It was the influence of Christian people, and \nclass-meeting and a certain teacher that led me to \nbecome a Christian." \n\nD. "I was raised in the country, by Christian \nparents and was taken to church and Sunday School \nwhen possible. From my first recollection it was my \ndesire to become a Christian and to join the church. \nI always wanted to go to church." \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 41 \n\nE. "I grew up in a Christian family, went to \nchurch and Sunday School, felt and knew that the best \npeople were in the church, and never had much \nthought of sin. At the age of thirteen, I was per- \nsuaded by a well meaning but too persistent woman \nto go to the altar in a revival meeting. More to \nget rid of her than because I felt burdened with sin, \nfor I was then too young to realize what worldly sin \nwas, I did go to the altar. God was always real to me, \nbut after that service I felt no nearer to Him than be- \nfore. I think God gradually came to me. Though \nI cannot say that I ever had any vivid experience, \nor felt any great relief or joy on being received into \nthe church, yet there is no doubt in my mind to-day \nthat I belong wholly to God, and that he grows nearer \nand dearer to me every year." \n\nIt will be noticed in this case that such is the \nsense of fellowship in the church, that there is a \ncertain resentment of the implication that an en- \ntrance needed to be gained by way of the altar. \nThe feeling is that since I am already going in \nand out by way of the door into the sheepfold, it \nis ridiculous for me to try to climb over the wall. \n\nThere remain two more degrees of the warmth \nof the affirmation, these two degrees being closely \nrelated and yet it being possible to detect a de- \ngree of difference in the feeling. The first af- \nfirms, "I believe in my family," and the second, \n"I believe in my mother." There are five experi- \nences to demonstrate each of these degrees. \nWhen family pride arises out of worthy ideals, it \n\n\n\n42 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nis certainly a sustaining enthusiasm, putting a \nwholesome pressure upon the actions of its mem- \nbers. \n\nIf the first interest in a needed activity fails, \nthe best induced interest is certainly the pressure \nof family affection. This duty of the family to \nput the pressure of its affections and expecta- \ntions upon its members should be clearly recog- \nnized. \n\nWhen water pressure is needed at the individ- \nual faucet, the large tank with which it is con- \nnected is filled. When the pressure of the whole- \nsome emotions is needed behind the activities of \nthe individual, this pressure may be supplied by \nfilling the tank of the family affection. How \ngenuinely effective a pressure of this kind may be \nis shown by these testimonies. \n\nA. "My grandparents were pioneer Methodists, \nand allied themselves in early life with the \'people of \nGod called Methodists/ their home being the stopping \nplace of the itinerants. In early life my blessed \nmother also became a Methodist. She could not have \ndone otherwise, raised as she was with the doctrines of \nthe Church, the Christian example of holy living \nand service to Christ with which she came in daily \ncontact in the lives of her consecrated parents. They \nconstantly admonished her that her first duty was to \nher Heavenly Father, that she must seek first the \nKingdom of Heaven and His righteousness, all things \nnecessary being then given unto her. She lived well \nher Christian life, as did also her brothers and sis- \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 43 \n\nters. They all emulated the Christian life that was \nbrought to bear so strongly in that Methodist home. \nMy mother has recently passed over; the beautiful \ntributes paid to her life from so many sources show \nher fidelity to home, to the church and its work. \nThese tributes are my precious heritage. These \nthings urged me to identify myself with the church \nof God at the age of sixteen. I am trusting that some \nof the consecration of these lives of my parents may \nbe mine, and that I may one day clasp hands with the \nblessed ones who have preceded me to the Beyond. \n" \'It seemeth such a little way to me \nAcross to that strange country, the Beyond, \nAnd yet not strange, for it has grown to be \nThe home of those of whom I am so fond; \nThey make it seem familiar and most dear, \nAs j ourneying friends bring distant countries near.\' " \n\nB. "It seems a long time ago, in a Christian \nfamily, that the faith seeds were sown, and it seems \na long time since they ripened into strong convictions \nthat have remained unshattered. The memory of \npeace comes back as I recall the time when the \nChurch received me. I believe that I belong to the \nKingdom of God, for \'It is your Father\'s good pleas- \nure to give you the Kingdom.\' To go on trusting \ngives such sweet peace. The instincts of my soul \nconvince me that we live again, that we are something \nmore than mere matter, that if we live the best we \nknow how, this very life will be glorified." \n\nC. "I was raised up in a Christian family, and no \nwords can tell how thankful I am that such was the \n\n\n\n44 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ncase. I cannot remember when I started to Sunday \nSchool, so I must have been very young. I had never \nthought of anything else than being a Christian. " \n\nThe following two are a reflection of the feel- \ning that a Heavenly Father is put in the place of \nan earthly father who is lost by death, combined \nwith the feeling of cherishing the ideals of that \nfather. This is a powerful emotional condition, \nas every practicing minister knows. The feeling \nof the obligation to cherish the family ideals, if \nit is tenderly approached, often furnishes an \nabundant entrance for the son. \n\nD. "From a little child my Christian mother \ntaught me to pray and read the Bible; also, to attend \nSabbath School. My father died when I was small. \nI never knew the love of an earthly father, but my \nHeavenly Father has never left nor forsaken me. \nWhen I was twelve years old, I joined the church. \nI can remember very distinctly the hymn that was \nsung when I joined the church. It was fifty years \nago. I have never felt like turning back. God has \ntaken one by one my kind friends, and I am getting \nlonely. Yet I can say, \'Praise His Holy Name.\' " \n\nE. "My father died a few months after my birth. \nMy sainted mother was a good Christian woman \xe2\x80\x94 one \nof the salt of the earth \xe2\x80\x94 and to her, under God, I \nowe all that I am. She led me by the hand to church, \nSunday School, and the class-meeting long before I \ncan recollect. She taught me that God was my heav- \nenly Father \xe2\x80\x94 that he loved me and would take care \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 45 \n\nof me. I had nothing of doubt or of unbelief with \nwhich to contend. My mother was my oracle, and \nthe Bible as she taught it to me was infallible. I \nearly learned to \'trust and obey\' and now, after more \nthan fifty years of service, I realize that there is no \nother way to be happy in Jesus but to love and obey." \n\n5. With very slight transition, we pass to \nthe feeling, "I believe in mother." The first case \nquoted is that of a University professor, a man \nnow in middle life. It is a remarkable testimony \nto the strength of those early feelings which \nflowed from the influence of "mother." Amid all \nthe myriad intellectual experiences that have since \nbeen passed through, amid all the currents of \nthought and feeling that have flowed over such a \nlife, that fundamental confidence in mother re- \nmains. Mother so tenderly put that child down \ninto the bath of life, into the consciousness of the \nreality of God, that he has ever since claimed that \nconsciousness with joy. \n\nA. "I was raised in a Christian family. The \nprominent and ever present thought that decided me \nto become a Christian was the memory of a true \nChristian mother in heaven, whom I believed and \nstill believe to be watching over me, and whom I \nwished to see and to be with again after this world\'s \nlife is over. I do not recall any particular feeling \non joining the church." \n\nThis case tells of a recent experience, upon the \n\n\n\n46 THE PILOT FLAME \n\noccasion of the death of a dear friend. Here is \na man with a trained mind. Yet it is evident \nthat his access to God is through the doorway of \nhis personal affections. When one greatly be- \nloved passes over, he follows on a little way \nthrough the gate into the celestial city. \n\nB. Here is another case very similar, an edu- \ncated man serving in the University, who feels \nthat the "noetic" processes of his mind predomin- \nate over the emotional, who deceives himself into \nthinking that he is controlled by his reasoning \npowers because he does not realize his emotions in \na focal center. Yet through all the years of his \n"noetic" processes the associated feeling which \nflowed from the lives of his parents, follows and \nholds him and controls his actions. From a sense \nof duty, he engages in daily prayer. That sense \nof controlling obligation, put into his conscious- \nness from the lives of his parents, is now inter- \npreted by him as a persistent and enduring obli- \ngation. So much more persistent is the associa- \ntion of feeling with that early bath of the con- \nsciousness of God into which his mother put him, \nthan all the "noetic processes" to which he has \nsince been subjected. \n\n"I became a Christian and a member of the church \nbecause of parental training. I have never had any \nvivid religious experiences, due probably to the fact \nthat the noetic processes of my soul predominate to \na marked degree over the emotional processes, and \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 47 \n\nconsequently determine the course of action to that \ndegree. \n\n"Between the ages of seventeen and twenty-three, \nI tried to experience conversion at the altar on three \nor four different occasions, and finally came to the \nconclusion that I could not; that is, sudden conver- \nsion. So, believing it to be the proper thing to do, \nI joined the church. While I have not walked closely \nin the footsteps of Christ, nor even seriously at- \ntempted it, I have tried to live a Christian life from \na rational point of view. From a sense of duty, I \nengage in daily prayer. \n\n"The religious feelings are excited in my soul most \nvividly and perhaps most naturally by scenes of na- \nture; the green fields, the blue sky, the singing birds, \nespecially in springtime." \n\nHere are added two simple testimonies that yet \nlead directly back to the feeling of confidence in \nparents : \n\nC. "I was early trained to attend church and re- \nspect Christian obligations by a Godly father and \nmother. My father was most earnest in Christian \nwork, and had passed to his reward a short time be- \nfore my conversion. I have always thought that the \nwork of the Holy Spirit in my heart was the result \nof the prayers of father and mother." \n\nD. "My mother was a good Christian woman, \nand took pains to train her children, and in early \nchildhood I felt God\'s influence upon my heart. That \nis the influence which has been with me all my life. \nIt has never changed." \n\n\n\n48 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nFor the last of the testimonies which ratify \nthe family ideals has been saved the experience \nof a Christian whose life is a particularly perfect \nand beautiful fruit of the spirit. Those who de- \nfine the religious experience as a realization of the \nreligious emotions in a focal center, will deny that \nthe ratification of the family ideal is a saving \nreligious experience. They will say those people \nwho have written these experiences have never \nbeen converted. The reply is that the focal cen- \nter definition of conversion is too narrow. By \ntheir fruits ye shall know them. The lives of \nthese people are all well and familiarly known, \nand they present as good fruits of the spirit as \nwe are able to find in the churches. Probably \nmore than one-half of the people in the churches \nare being sustained in their Christian life by this \ntype of experience. \n\nThe testimony about to be quoted was pre- \npared by a young man who undertakes personal \nsacrifice with that zest which shows it to be so \nfundamental as to be natural with him. With \nplain toil he is supporting a widowed mother and \ntaking care of sisters, while at the same time he \nis educating himself for a beautiful and self-sac- \nrificing work. On last Memorial Day, we ob- \nserved him as the old soldiers passed by. \nTotally absorbed in the sentiment of patriotic de- \nvotion, he stood with his hat off, the utmost ex- \npression of reverent admiration transforming his \nstrong face. He might well be described as \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 49 \n\n"child of the promise" to whom pertaineth the \nadoption, and the glory, and the covenants and \nthe giving of the law, and the service of God and \nthe promises ; whose are the fathers, and of whom \nas, concerning the flesh, Christ came, who is over \nall, God blessed forever." \n\n"I was reared in a Christian home where the chil- \ndren were surrounded by every influence that tended \nto direct their lives heavenward. In my home there \nhas always been a family altar, a reverence for the \nSabbath day and for God\'s holy name, and a love for \nthe Bible and its teachings, the Sunday School and the \npreaching services. \n\n"These hallowed influences of my home together \nwith the association of friends, whom I knew walked \nand talked with God, made my conversion a gradual \nprocess in my life, rather than a sudden event at a \nspecial revival meeting. So gradual was the process \nthat I have feared at times that perhaps I was not \nborn again. But when I remember that Jesus said \n\'whosoever believeth on Me shall not perish but have \neverlasting life,\' I am reassured and comforted, for \nI do believe in Him and love Him so much that my \ndaily prayer is that my thoughts, words and deeds \nmay become day by day, more like the thoughts, \nwords and deeds of Jesus my Master. \n\n"Fourteen years ago this coming Easter, I was \ntaken into the church. At that time I experienced \ngreat joy and peace. Many times since then, and \nespecially at the Easter services, I have felt that \nsame joy and peace." \n\nIn the cases where the religious experience is \n\n\n\n50 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nthe ratification of the family ideals, the joining \nof the church is the remembered and significant \nevent by which this ratification was publicly ex- \npressed. The children of the Christian house- \nholds should be received into the church with the \nutmost tenderness, reverence and ceremony. \nEverything that can be done should be done to \nenable them to remember that it was an occasion \nto them of stately beauty and deep significance. \nIt should certainly be attended with as much \ncare, tenderness and ceremony as the putting of \nthe new born baby into the bath tub. It is an \nevent attended with far reaching significance. If \nthis public consent to the obligations of the Chris- \ntian ideal is with reverent enthusiasm, it will give \nthe child new born into the larger household of \nfaith the associations of joy and of confidence. \nForever after he will assert that the church is \ngood, that it is his, and he likes it. The minister \ncan take a lesson from the experienced nurse. \nHe can select the favoring moment when the soul \nis beginning to venture out a little from the small \npool of the family consciousness ; he can prepare \nhis altar with as much care as the nurse tests \nthe water; he can see that all occasion of fear \nor perception of strangeness is removed ; he can \nreceive his children as into their Father\'s house, \nand he can in some way make the event so signifi- \ncant in their minds that they will forever associate \nwith it reverent joy. \n\nAfter several attempts at entering into this \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 51 \n\nwisdom received from the trained nurse, there was \nachieved a few months ago, an occasion of such \ntender beauty and far reaching significance that \neveryone present felt that glory shone around. \nIt enabled the minister to enter into that feeling \nof Almighty God, when he looked back upon the \nthe work of his week of creation and said, "Be- \nhold, it is very good !" \n\nSpecial meetings in the afternoons were con- \nducted by the minister for his church children. \nIn groups they came to the altar, so that there \nmight not be fear, but individually they conse- \ncrated themselves, and of their own free will and \nearnest purpose, accepted the obligations of the \nChristian life. The minister then went into each \nhome, to tell the parents that the child, having \nbegun the Christian life, needed their sympathy \nand sustaining help, and in token that this help \nwould be given, it was expected that they would \ncome and stand behind their child, when the chil- \ndren were received into the church. It was found \nin a considerable number of cases that one par- \nent, and sometimes both parents were not them- \nselves Christians. Their little children led them. \nThey were converted and prepared for church \nmembership along with their children. \n\nOn the appointed day the great altar of the \nchurch was crowded closely full, one hundred and \nthirty-nine, each one tenderly and carefully pre- \npared to say the great "I will" to the undertak- \ning of the Christian obligations. It was then an- \n\n\n\n52 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nnounced that the parents who would undertake \nto sustain these children in the practice of Chris- \ntian lives, would come and stand behind them, and \nthe great throng of parents entirely filled the al- \ntar space. The ritual was rendered to the under- \nstanding of the children, and then one by one, in- \ndividually and carefully the minister gave them \nthe right hand of fellowship, and at the same \ntime put into their hand a beautiful booklet, with \nscripture verses for each day of the year, telling \nthem to keep it under their pillow, or on their \nbureau, or in their pocket, where it might be had \nfor daily reading. \n\nDuring the first ten years of life the family \nhas the opportunity of presenting its Christian \nconvictions with such integrity of conduct and \nsuch enthusiasm of devotion, as to provide an \nideal for emerging individualities. If the chil- \ndren can remember that of their own free will and \ngood pleasure they ratified these ideals, it will be \nthe sufficient authority in many cases to con- \ntrol them all their lives. If the individual con- \nsciousness grows up out of the family conscious- \nness without break or friction, it may be ex- \npected that no vivid crucial experience will be \nhad. If the ratification of the family ideals has \nbeen with enthusiasm, it will be confidently claimed \nthat ready access to God is enjoyed. The sus- \ntaining joy and peace of the daily life, the re- \nsource of consolation in time of sorrow, the opti- \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO CONFORMS 53 \n\nmistic outlook on daily toil, are not these the \ntokens that the pilot flame is lighted; that the \npower of God does flow permeating all the daily \nlife with hope and courage? During the first \nten years, the family bears the torch of eternal \nlife. Theirs is the first opportunity to light in \nthe oncoming generation the flame of divine life. \n\n\n\nCHAPTER II \n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES \n\nThe two great habits of life are conformity to \nthe parental life and variation from the parental \nlife. In two hours you can see these two habits \nof life enacted by a single cell vorticella, in a drop \nof water on a slide under a microscope. The \nvorticella is shaped like a bell, attached by a stalk \nto a bit of weed or other substance. When you \nfirst see it, it is bobbing gayly on the stalk wav- \ning the fringe of pretty cilia that are around \nthe rim of the bell and that are the arms that \ngather in food. As you watch, the bell broadens \nand divides down the middle, until there are two \nlittle bells swinging on the stalk. Of these, one \nis like the parent and remains attached to the \nstalk. The other, while still attached to the \nparent stalk, develops a circle of cilia near the \nbase. When these are ready, this little bell \nbreaks away and goes skurrying around bumping \nitself against the limits of the water drop, break- \ning and bending its pretty cilia on every piece \nof weed, testing, trying every place in its uni- \nverse of the water drop. Finally it attaches it- \nself by its base to some preferred bit of weed, \nit loses the extra cilia and grows a stalk by the \nelongation of its base. It becomes a vorticella \n\n54 \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 55 \n\nsimilar to the parent, bobbing on its stalk, \ngathering in food. \n\nThe religious experience during the first ten \nyears of life is developed on the parental stalk; \nprobably about half remain attached to the pa- \nrental stalk. By a more or less enthusiastic rati- \nfication of mother\'s religion, access is obtained to \nthe consciousness of the sustaining affection and \npower of God. The other half break away from \nthe parental stalk, and go skurrying around, \nbumping themselves against the limit of their \nuniverse, examining, testing, rejecting, until at \nlast they find that which appeals to them as good. \nThey here attach themselves, grow their stalk and \ngather in their food, and approximate the paren- \ntal type. \n\nDuring the first decade of life the influence of \n"mother" is supreme. During the second decade \nit is startling to discover that this influence is \nnever once mentioned except as a memory. The \nscene of the religious life entirely shifts from the \nhome. A friend, a Sunday School teacher, a pas- \ntor, an evangelist now has a more significant in- \nfluence than "mother," and a meeting is generally \nthe occasion of the experience. The influence \nof "mother" returning as a memory has more \npower during the third decade than it has during \nthe second. In the cases where "I believe in \nmother" is the final testimony of the life, this af- \nfirmation was attained during the third decade \nor later, and not during the second. \n\n\n\n56 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nIn studying the more vivid and better defined \nexperiences of the second decade, it must be con- \nstantly remembered that this type of experience \nis passed through by not more than half the \npeople. So much emphasis has been placed upon \nthe upheavals of adolescence, that we are in \ndanger of presuming that these upheavals are to \nbe expected for every child. But life has two \nfacts ; there is conformity and there is variation. \nThere is the child who is at home in the house \nof his Heavenly Father, and he always stays at \nhome; there is the child who must go into the \nfar country, whose consciousness begins with \nhimself, who must find life and enter into the \ngreat emotions as freshly as if before him there \nhad been no other. It is that child we are now \nto study, the child of variation. \n\nWe have attempted to select a perfectly normal \nsecond decade experience, one which sets forth \nthe factors of the experience, and yet one which \nshows no morbid tendencies or abnormally devel- \noped feeling at any point. We think we have \nfound an experience so simple and yet so abso- \nlutely characteristic of the second decade, that it \nmight be called the classic experience. The quot- \ning of this experience will provide the type case; \nthe analysis of this experience will provide the \nphases of the normal case. \n\n"When a very little girl our Irish servant girl \ntook me to the Catholic church one evening. God \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 57 \n\nspoke to my heart in that service and that night for \nthe first time in my life I knelt to pray. I continued \nto pray each night although my ideas were very \nvague. \n\n"Once when I was eleven years of age, my Sunday \nSchool teacher, as we left the pew to go out of the \nchurch, asked each of us in the class if we loved \nJesus. I remember saying, \'Yes,\' and being happy \nfor days after. \n\n"Then when I was fourteen, there was a little \nrevival service in the church. I realized that I was \nnot a Christian. I realized, too, how God had kept \nme where I could come in touch with religious things. \nI longed to be a Christian and yet my heart rebelled \nso that I could not make a stand. I longed for some- \none to talk to me personally, but no one did. One \nnight after church, I stayed to the after-meeting. \nWhen the pastor asked if there was not someone to \nstart the new life then, I raised my hand, and a won- \nderful peace came into my heart. \n\n"I did not have any special feeling when I joined \nthe church. I considered that a part of what it \nmeant to be a Christian and so I very seriously joined \nthe church, feeling that it completed what it meant to \nbe a Christian. \n\n"I have had many very vivid experiences since. \nThey have nearly always come when I have truly \nsaid, \'Thy will be done.\' \n\n"I think I get my most real sense that God is \npresent in private reading of the Bible." \n\nIn the ascent of the greatest mount of trans- \nfiguration which human experience provides, \n\n\n\n58 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nwhile there are many episodes and variations \nupon the ascent, yet there may be said to be three \ngreat waymarks passed by all who go that way. \nThese three great waymarks are: 1. The Reali- \nzation or Perception of Lack. "I realized that I \nwas not a Christian." 2. The Focus of Atten- \ntion. "There was a revival meeting in the \nchurch. One night, I stayed to the after-meet- \ning." 3. Decision and Expression, the weld- \ning of the idea of Christian to the act of expres- \nsion by a strong emotion. "I raised my hand \nand a wonderful peace came into my heart." \n\nThe experiences to be studied will be arranged \naccording as they emphasize one or the other of \nthese "waymarks," although the experience will \nbe given whole. It is not wise in studying life \nprocesses to attempt violently to tear these proc- \nesses apart, for life is more like a circle than it \nis like a triangle. One part is smoothly related \nto the other. It is only for the convenience of \nunderstanding that we insert the triangle of di- \nvision within the circles of the great experience. \n\n1. The Perception of Lack. It may be taken \nfor granted that Professor William James is cor- \nrect in his conclusions in his studies of the Re- \nligious Experience, that there is a consciousness \nof lack on the part of the person who has never \ncome into expressed relationship with God. We \ndo not try to demonstrate the existence of the \nperception of lack; we grant that it is the con- \ndition of the people who have come to the second \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 59 \n\ndecade of their lives without the ratification of \nthe Christian ideals. We strive to determine the \nnormal degree of this emotion, and the ideas with \nwhich it is associated. \n\nThe existence in the average person of this \nemotion should not be ignored; on the other \nhand, it should not be exaggerated. After many \nyears of absorption in happily adjusted family \nlife, one loses an accurate perception of the feel- \nings and attitudes of those who are not married. \nIf the cheer of the home is greatly appreciated, \nthe loneliness of the unattached will be exagger- \nated. If the burden of the family grinds and is \nheavy, the exhilarations of liberty are magnified. \n\nIn the same fashion, he who has been for many \nyears absorbed in the organizations and activi- \nties of Christianity, loses an accurate percep- \ntion of those who are without. The circles of \nChristian fellowship being large enough to af- \nford ample space for moving around, it requires \nthe energy of an adventure to break out beyond \nthem, and to get into the consciousness of him \nwho is "without." If Christian fellowship is \nwarm and genuine, the empty desolation of the \nlife of the wandering is exaggerated. If Chris- \ntian fellowship is rigid and fanatical, he who is \ncaught in it may feel himself in a dungeon keep, \nand his longing to breathe the free air may far \noutweight his value of the sense that he is safely \nkept. \n\nThe minister, dwelling in the midst of the for- \n\n\n\n60 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ntress of the church, cannot depend on his own in- \ntuition to inform him of those who are without \nhis walls. Yet here he needs accurate knowl- \nedge, if he is to continue the ingathering of the \npeople. Since he cannot himself go out, he ought \nto be willing to be informed by those who are com- \ning in, or by those who can remember how it was \nwith them before they came in and why they \nhesitated so long to come within the walls. \n\nIn gathering the written experiences, the first \nquestion asked was, "What made you decide to \nbecome a Christian?" In most second decade ex- \nperiences a memory is retained as to the atti- \ntude and feeling before the time of decision. The \npeople say that they were hungry, or that they \nwere afraid, or that they were lonely. \n\nHunger is the emotional response to the sight \nor the memory of food, the necessary condition \nbeing that the stomach is empty and needs the \nfood. Religious hunger is the emotional response \nto the sight of satisfaction in the Christian life \non the part of some friend. It is a sight of the \ngenuine enjoyment of the Bread of Life. Or it \nmay be the memory of food, the memory of a \nsatisfaction enjoyed in childhood. Hunger is the \nmost prevalent feeling, the most general kindly \nlight leading on to the Christian decision. \n\nFrom the symptoms, a genuine hunger is indi- \ncated. People are restless when they are hungry. \nIn a company waiting for luncheon two hours \nlate, we are all restless, displaying a strong tend- \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 61 \n\nency to walk around and make aimless remarks, \nno one being able to keep up a sustained conver- \nsation. When on the higher levels of spiritual \nthings, there are symptoms of restlessness, of \nwanting the peace and joy which another dis- \nplays, of longing for something more satisfying, \nof feeling a need, we may be sure that the genuine \nfeeling of hunger is operating. \n\nThe satisfaction of hunger in proportion as it \nis acute provides a sensation of joy. To come by \nhunger to God is the most\' largely available \nmethod of providing a definite experience in our \ngeneration. As an initial impulse leading to a \ndefinite experience, hunger is more available than \nlove. In two cases only, those of sensitive women, \nit is mentioned that the emotion of love was \nrealized in a focal center. Heavenly love is the \nrare flower of mystic devotion. It is not to be \npresumed that it is already blooming in those \nwho have not so much as come into the sunshine \nof their Father\'s country. \n\nThat the religious experience of this genera- \ntion is largely piloted by hunger, is not an isolated \ntendency. Our age is predominated by the im- \npulse of hunger. In proportion as we are rest- \nless, we are hungry. We are hungry for posses- \nsions, hungry for attainments, hungry for popu- \nlarity, hungry for knowledge. Since hunger is \nintense on all levels, it is not strange that the \npeople through hunger find God. The strongest \npiloting emotion in the present age religious ex- \n\n\n\n62 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nperience, is, "My flesh and my spirit cries out for \nthe living God." The following experiences are \npiloted by the emotion of hunger. \n\n1. "I was brought up by devoted Christian \nparents, and think that I was naturally religiously \ninclined. Many times in my childhood I felt the \nguiding influence of the Holy Spirit, yet my active \nChristian life did not begin until several years after \nI was married. \n\n"I think the testimonies given by a friend in whom \nI had great confidence, was the main thing that made \nme decide to be a Christian. Listening to these \ntestimonies, I became convinced that there was a \npeace and joy that I did not possess, and I longed for \nit. This feeling grew upon me until I firmly re- \nsolved that I would embrace the first opportunity of \navowing my intention of trying to live the Christian \nlife. I did so, simply by rising to my feet when the \nfirst invitation was given, without any delay or hesi- \ntation. I immediately sat down again, buried my \nface in my arms, and gave way to a perfect passion \nof tears, but very soon the peace that passeth under- \nstanding and joy beyond expression came to me, and \nI have never doubted that God himself accepted me \nthen, and spoke peace to my soul. I have never \nsince had the slightest desire to turn away from my \nblessed Saviour." \n\nThe following simple testimony was provided \nby a lady who had known much of trouble, \nbut who had finally come out upon the uplands of \npeace. As she walks in these uplands she conveys \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 63 \n\nthe impression of that rugged strength of char- \nacter attained by one who has climbed mountains \nwild and bare. \n\n2. "My early influences were the reverse of Chris- \ntian. After years of trouble, there came to be an \nearnest desire to find something more satisfying than \nthe world\'s pleasures or excitements. My conversion \nwas a very definite and satisfying experience, through \nwhich I passed into joy and peace beyond power to \ndescribe. Since that time, I can safely say that I \nhave had very positive answers to prayer. God is \nmost genuinely present to me in private devotions, \nthat is, in prayer and the reading of the Bible." \n\n3. "Although I grew up in a Christian family, as \nI became older I drifted away from the religious \nteaching I had received at home. But through the \ninfluence of some very dear friends, I was brought to \nrealize my need of a personal Saviour. I receive my \nmost real sense that God is present in private study- \ning of the Bible and through having performed some \nlittle self-sacrifice." \n\n4. "My mother taught me to love my Heavenly \nFather from a little child, and in the church and \nSunday School I breathed a Christian atmosphere. \n\n"When I was about fourteen years of age, I saw \nthere was something personal and joyous in religion \nI didn\'t have, and I was thus led to seek a closer \ncommunion with God. More and more through the \nyears there has come a deeper joy and peace and a \nwitness that I live in Him and He in me. In sorrow \nHe is present in the most real sense, strengthening \nand comforting me in a marvelous way. Also, es- \n\n\n\n64 THE PILOT FLAME \n\npecially in fellowship at family prayers, at the Sun- \nday services and at prayer-meeting." \n\n5. "The feeling that led me to decide to become \na Christian was a deep sense that my life was not \nwhat it ought to be, and of the contrast between my \nlife and the lives of some of my friends who were \nChristians." \n\n6. "I did not grow up in a Christian family, but \nthe church and Sunday School privileges were many \nand gracious, sowing seed which in after years \nbrought fruit. The Bible was read in the day school, \nso that it often happened that the Sabbath teaching \nwas that which had been read during the week. \n\n"My heart became very restless, and for some time \nI was seeking to know the way of salvation. The \nsplendid experience I entered into has been remem- \nbered and treasured thirty-nine years. I had special \njoy, the most vivid joy of my life, when I was en- \nabled to say, \'Lord, I believe.\' " \n\n7. "During my fourteenth year, Rev. Franklin \nBall, then on our circuit, was holding special meetings. \nA number of my friends and young companions, who \nwere Christians, entreated me to go to the altar. I \nwithstood their entreaties for some time, until I saw \nthat going to the altar of prayer was the cross that \nI must take up. After several evenings of prayer \nat the altar, there came to me a peace that was like \nthat of a calm summer evening. Many times since \nI have felt the same restful influence, especially after \na season of prayer. \n\n"Sometimes I have stumbled, and failed in living \nup to the Christian standard of life, but God in his \nmercy and goodness has spared me until I am now \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 65 \n\nover sixty years old, and I feel that he is nearer and \ndearer than ever before. I have not lived up to my \nChristian privileges as I should have done, but yet \nI treasure the hope that on some great day I shall \nhear the welcome words, \'She hath done what she \ncould/ " \n\nThe above testimony was prepared by a woman \nwho has maintained a Christian home and has \nmade the Christian ideals to be crowned with \nglory in the hearts of her children. I think she \nwill hear the welcome words. \n\n8. "I always went to church and Sunday School \nand grew to think it the proper thing. I had no \nspecial feeling until Evangelist A. B. Earle visited \nGrass Valley, some thirty-six years ago. His \npreaching moved me exceedingly. Still, I did not \ndecide to go forward until a friend urged me to. I \nwent to the mourners 5 bench, and soon felt a com- \nplete forgiveness and was so happy. It was very \nvivid and satisfactory." \n\nHere are a few sentences selected from experi- \nences that show the piloting hunger: "I can re- \nmember clearly the first time I felt as if I wanted \nmore than I had." "At the age of twelve, I had \nan intense desire to be converted and join the \nchurch." "I at last thought surely there was a \nbetter experience for me. I sought diligently for \na Baptism of the Holy Ghost fire." \n\nHere are two cases where the hunger was not \n\n\n\n66 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nexcited directly by the sight of others enjoying \nthe bread of life, but by the memory of childhood \nsatisfaction : \n\n9. "I grew up in a Christian home and Sunday \nSchool, but I wandered away into bad boys\' company, \nuntil I seemed to forget conscience and training and \nfear of consequences. Then I considered. I took \nthe good Book and went to the woods to read and \npray alone. I really prayed and confessed, and made \na full surrender. I was ready to change about for \nGod and right. I felt that I had made a definite \nholy contract, sealed and signed. There came to me \nthe feelings of great relief and joy, and the \'peace \nwhich passeth understanding.\' For me, the great \ntransaction was done. When I joined the church, I \nhad great joy, for I felt that thereby the human con- \nditions of the contract were signed and recorded. I \nhave since had many rich experiences. I am now an \nold man, but I can testify that whenever the covenant \nis sealed and signed and complete, then the Divine \nFather never fails to fulfill his part of the contract, \nand to greet the prodigal with his soul cheering ap- \nproval." \n\nThe testimony now to be quoted was prepared \nby a young man who became deaf after sick- \nness in his childhood. It is an interesting ex- \nample of how the memory of the religious satis- \nfactions of the very early years followed him even \ninto the silence of his affliction. \n\n10. "I was raised in Christian surroundings up to \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 67 \n\nthe time I became deaf. After becoming deaf, I be- \ngan to drift away from the church, feeling that as I \ncould not hear, worship was not for me. When I \ngraduated, the feeling came to me that I should like \nto come back into closer relationship with the church, \nand to claim my part in Christ. When I had done \nthis, I experienced a feeling which I cannot well de- \nscribe, but expect it was relief, warmed up with the \nfeeling of joy and peace. I was glad to be back \nwith you all again and to have my part with the young \npeople. I went down to Santa Cruz to the Christian \nEndeavor Convention. At the sunrise prayer meeting \nheld on the beach, I had a vivid experience of the \npresence of God, although I could not hear. Some- \ntimes in looking over a song book, I meet one or two \nof the songs I heard years ago. In reading them \nover, the feeling that God is present comes to me." \n\nA sufficient number of the experiences piloted \nby hunger have now been quoted to give a fair \nconception of the manner in which this feeling \nnow operates among the people. From the ex- \nperiences the number might be increased, but the \ndifferent aspects of the feeling have been covered. \nThe minister who is attempting to arouse hunger \nfor the bread of life will be informed that he \nmust focus attention upon the good things which \nare enjoyed by Christians, which are not being \nenjoyed by those who have not this experience, \nand yet may be attained by the gateway of con- \nversion. Or the minister must focus attention \nupon the memories of the enfolding sense of \n\n\n\n68 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nsafety and satisfaction enjoyed in a Christian \nchildhood. \n\nA few of the experiences mention that the pilot- \ning emotion of their conviction was fear. These \nexperiences are few. Even when fear is men- \ntioned, it might more accurately be described as \nan uneasiness which was relieved by the sense of \nsafety attained by the Christian decision. It is \nnot to be denied that the old process of find- \ning God through fear provided a most vivid \nand effective experience, sufficient to alter \nthe whole life. It has been a wonderfully use- \nful method. The relief from fear is joy, fre- \nquently to the point of hysterical weeping or \nlaughing. It is an experience not mistaken or \nforgotten. \n\nWhy are we no longer able to use the strong \nold process? We sometimes say fear is not \nwholesome, that it is ignoble, that it is not endur- \ning. We can just as readily prove that any \nstrong emotion is unwholesome, that it is ignoble \nunless it be welded to a noble action, that it is not \nenduring. Any emotion is a stress and a relaxa- \ntion. There are certain phases of living which \nrequire a strong emotion for their proper de- \nvelopment. The experience of setting* up the \nhome and the experience of setting up the Chris- \ntian life are best undertaken in the fusing fires \nof a great emotion. The after value of the re- \nligious experience justified the employment of \nthe most vivid impulse that can be reached. We \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 69 \n\nmake no claim to have improved upon the way of \nthe fathers in soul development. We but say, \nsomewhat wistfully, that we do not now find fear \nto be very operative in the lives of the people, and \ntherefore it is not a great acting feeling which \ncan be counted upon to pilot the religious experi- \nence. \n\nFear on any level is rapidly passing out of \nexperience, except as it is transformed into worry. \nThe popular animal stories show that animal life \nin the wild is one long intense fear. A man\'s \nlife in savage conditions is much the same, fears \nof Indians or outlaws, fears of the unknown and \nunexplored wilderness, fears that the crop will fail \nor the water dry up, all unite to make fear the \nmost vivid association of his consciousness. In \ncivilization the Indians are eliminated and most \nof the people are lifted high above the margin of \nsubsistence; a man may travel many years on \ntrains and boats, and never once be in a wreck. \nWhen fear was the most present factor in life, \nit might readily enough be evoked in the cause \nof the religious experience. A careful reading \nof the feelings of the fathers who conducted the \ngreat camp-meetings of seventy-five years ago \nwill demonstrate this fact. \n\nThe following case is the clearest example we \nhave of coming by fear. It was prepared by a \nlady well along in years, who has lived a vigorous \nand effective Christian life, and has since entered \ninto many deeper experiences : \n\n\n\n70 THE PILOT FLAME \n\n"What was it that made me decide to become a \nChristian? I felt it was the only safe thing for me \nto do. Beside my desire to be sure I was a child of \nGod; I felt I must flee from the wrath to come." \n\n\n\nThe fear of the ridicule of companions is often \nmentioned, but this kind of fear comes nearer to \nthe hunger for approval than it does to the old \ntheological fear of the wrath of God. The fol- \nlowing two cases will show this: \n\n"When I was about ten years of age, I attended \na camp-meeting. I knew that I was a sinner, and \noh, how I longed to accept Christ! But I was afraid \nof the ridicule of my companions, and so rejected \nHim. About two years afterward, I went to hear B. \nFay Mills speak and was converted. I felt a deep \nfeeling of peace come into my heart when I really \ngave myself to Christ." \n\n"I had a desire to be saved and to do what I knew \nto be right and to please our Heavenly Father. This \nimpulse was long repressed through cowardice, and \na fear that I could not continue as good as I thought \na Christian should be all my life. I do not think \nit is easy to live up to the teaching of the Sermon \non the Mount. When I joined the church, I had a \nsense of relief and peace that at last I had made a \ndecision." \n\nThis fear that they may not be able to con- \ntinue in the Way, has some frequency. To it must \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 71 \n\nbe applied the assurance of the companionship \nand sustaining presence of God. \n\nHere is a somewhat careful account of the ef- \nfect of preaching "Hell fire" upon a modern mind. \nThis memory was provided by a business man, \nwho was himself a glorious and exuberant Chris- \ntian, able in a most remarkable manner to testify \nto the presence of God in his life. \n\n"My earliest recollection of a religious experience \nwas when I was about ten years of age, and we were \nliving at Dodgeville, Wisconsin. They had a revival \nmeeting in the old stone Methodist church. My \nmother, who was a very pious woman, took me to all \nthe meetings after school hours. When there was an \ninvitation extended to go forward for prayers, I went \nforward and knelt down at one of the front pews and \nremained on my knees for perhaps an hour; in the \nmeantime, no one came to inquire into my condition, \nas I was a child, I suppose. Their thoughts were \ntaken up with those who were older; but young as \nI was, I was just as anxious to lead a Christian life \nand to be one of God\'s little children, as I have ever \nbeen since. \n\n"I also remember in the same town in what was \ncalled the \'frame church\' in upper Dodgeville, they \nheld revival services, and the pastor used to expatiate \nevery evening on the wrath of God and on eternal \npunishment. It is not too strong to say that he did \nhis best to hold us over hell. He painted the pic- \ntures so vividly that the effect produced on my young \nmind was simply terror, a kind of fascinating terror \nlike Halloween and witch stories. It had a tendency \n\n\n\n72 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nto drive me away from the Father I was trying to \nlove, instead of drawing me towards Him." \n\nThe following is an instance of conviction of \nsin, which comes near to the old fear experience. \nIt was prepared by a sensitive woman, who has \ngreat power in prayer, and from whose interior \nlife flows the streams of living spiritual influence. \nShe is of the quality of which the saints of an- \nother age were made. \n\n"Although under the guidance of Christian parents, \nand although I had never committed very great sins, \nyet long ago I came under the deepest conviction of \nchildish wrongs. I threw myself at Jesus\' feet, and \nthere, while repeating over and over my misdeeds, \nand begging forgiveness, that peace which passeth \nunderstanding came into my soul. Everything seemed \nbright and beautiful; even the people\'s faces glowed, \nfor \'the glory of the Lord shone round about us.\' \nSince that time, with the exception of a few times \nwhen I tottered on the way, I have done my duty as \nI see it. My most vivid experiences are answers to \nprayers. The nearest I have ever been to God was \nat a protracted meeting, at the beginning of which but \nfour among my seventeen class-mates were Christians. \nI began to pray for them, one by one ; one by one they \ncame. Finally in a body, we were all with one accord \nmarching toward the Kingdom of God. I get very \nnear the Heavenly Father in song, prayer and testi- \nmony. Nevertheless, I think the most successful \nco-operation with Christ by myself is manifested in \nmy everyday life, while endeavoring to do the little \nthings which seem likely to aid others." \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 73 \n\nAlthough the next experience is piloted by love \nrealized in a focal center, it is yet closely re- \nlated to the fear emotion because it is a realiza- \ntion of the sufferings of Jesus. A genuine con- \ntemplation of the cross does produce the convic- \ntion of our unworthiness in view of the great price \npaid in the suffering of Jesus. \n\n"I was brought up by Christian parents and care- \nfully trained by them. I was taught from my very \ninfancy to love God, but I loved because I was taught \nto love, not that I had any deep feelings, or sense \nof gratitude. I had been told times without number \nthe beautiful story of the babe in the manger, the \ncruel death on the cross and the resurrection, but all \nthat meant really nothing to me, until God spoke to \nmy heart and I lived. \n\n"It was my mother\'s custom to call us around her \nevery Sabbath afternoon, and spend an hour or two \nin telling us stories from the Bible and in singing \nhymns. One Sunday afternoon about four o\'clock \nI stood by my mother while we sang, \n\n\' \'I\'m going to see the bleeding Lamb, \nWill you go, will you go?\' \n\n"I had sung those words many times before, but \nthey conveyed little to my mind. On this Sunday af- \nternoon, quickly like a flash of lightning comes, their \nmeaning was revealed to me. At the moment that I \nrealized who the Lamb was, a vision appeared, and \nimpressed my mind so indelibly that time cannot efface \nit. I saw my dear Saviour nailed to the cross ; I saw \nthe ragged bleeding holes in his hands and feet; the \n\n\n\n74 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ncruel thorns piercing his brow, and the wounded side. \nIn that instant I realized his love for me, and also \nhis terrible sufferings. My heart almost broke with \nsympathy and love, and remorse that I had not loved \nhim truly and served Him before. How he suffered, \nhow he suffered, and I had not loved Him, was the \ndominant thought in my mind, and it seemed that my \nheart would break. I burst into a flood of tears, and \nthrew myself into my mother\'s arms. She was sur- \nprised and alarmed at my sudden weeping, and anx- \niously asked why I wept. I sobbed, \'O mamma, it \nhurt Him so, it hurt Him so, and I did not love Him. \nI love Him now, I do love Him now.\' There with my \nhead on my dear mother\'s breast, I gave my heart to \nJesus." \n\nMany were hungry, and some were afraid, and \nmany were lonely, before they entered into the \nChristian experience. The feeling of loneliness \nas the piloting emotion has been left for the deep- \nest study because of the conviction that the great \nunderlying emotion that leads on to the vivid ex- \nperiences of the second decade, is the feeling of \nbeing lost and lonely. It may be that having \nbroken out of the pool of family consciousness \nwhich was so joyfully sustaining during the first \ndecade, that religious hunger is the memory of \nthe satisfactions of that time. The religious ex- \nperience is the setting of the life in a new and \nlarger pool of paternal consciousness. To be- \ncome as a little child means to relate yourself to \nthis larger consciousness, just as the child is re- \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 75 \n\nlated to the family consciousness, to imitate its \nways, to accept its teachings, to enthusiastically \naffirm its ideals. The religious experience, looked \nat from the standpoint of its piloting emotions, \nmay be described as the relief of loneliness. The \nalmost universal mention of the desire for "some \none to talk to me" or the memory of the fact that \na Sunday School teacher or companion "asked \nme" to go forward, shows the feeling of loneliness. \nThe various ways in which loneliness acted to \nlead on the soul will be shown in the following \ncases: The first of these is the experience of a \nchild of nine, who was evidently matured by see- \ning her mother die, so that the experience prop- \nerly belongs to the second decade type. \n\n1. "When nine years old I stood at the bedside of \nmy dying mother, and saw her pass into eternity, \nsinging that good old hymn, \'Alas, and did my Sav- \niour bleed !\' Then I thought, I want to be able to \ndie like that, and I want to go to mother. My Chris- \ntian experience began then. After mother was gone, \nlittle brother, three years old, and I, were left alone \nin the house while father and older brothers were out \nat work. We had no near neighbors and often times \nwe would feel afraid and oh, so lonely. At such times \nwe would go and kneel by the little bed, and repeat \nthe prayer mother had taught us, and our fears and \nloneliness would all be gone, and we would feel that \nmother was near us. I thought, the Lord has sent \nmother as our guardian angel, and I still think that \nHe did. When I was eleven years old, I was con- \n\n\n\n76 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nverted and joined the Methodist Church. Several \ndays before my conversion, I felt so burdened I could \nscarcely eat or sleep. Almost at once, the burden \nseemed to fall from me, and I was so happy. Oh, \nhow I wanted to share my happiness with everybody. \nSince then I have had many blessed experiences. I \nhave felt the burden of other\'s sins, and have had my \nprayers answered by seeing them converted. I have \ngreat faith in prayer. I never could pray or speak \nin public, and sometimes feel disappointed because I \nwas not given that gift, but I know that many of my \nfeeble prayers have been answered. \n\n"Twice through sickness I have been so near eter- \nnity that I have almost had a glimpse into heaven. \nAt one of these times, my spirit seemed to have left \nmy body. I walked along the river of the Valley \nand Shadow of death, singing, \'All Hail the Power of \nJesus\' Name,\' waiting for the Lord to tell me to step \nover as the river of death seemed but a narrow stream. \nWhile waiting there, my brother who had died the year \nbefore, came to me and talked to me. He asked \nquestions about my family, and told me his work in \nheaven was tending a flower garden, \xe2\x80\x94 he had always \nbeen an enthusiast for flowers. I wanted to stay \nlonger with brother, but I seemed to hear a voice say \nto me, go back to earth and raise your family; they \nneed you. I began to return singing the doxology. \nThe next thing I remember I was trying to make \nsigns of life with my body, to let my friends know \nthat I was still with them. My memory of the hap- \npiness which I experienced while waiting in the Valley \nis beyond my power to describe. \n\n"The second time I was so near the other world I \nhad a vision of glory also. Angels came for me in a \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 77 \n\nship flying through the air, which rested on the house- \ntop. A ladder was let down to my bed from the ship, \nwhich I climbed. I tried to step into the ship but \nsomething would draw my foot back every time. \nAfter making several attempts, I perceived that so \nmany were praying for my recovery that I could not \ngo. I told the angel why I could not go, and I re- \nturned to my bed. I had not been able to speak above \na whisper for some time, but then I sang the old \nhymn, \'The Good Ship of Zion\' so loud I was heard \nin the next room. I hope to be as happy when my \nfinal summons comes. I get the most comfort or \nfeeling that God is near, when alone in my own home. \nI can commune with God while about my household \nduties. I love to be alone with God. I also get \ngreat comfort from hearing a good sermon, and \nby trying each day to do something to help someone \nelse." \n\nThis experience with the vividly remembered \naccount of its visions has been quoted at length, \nnot only to show how a lonely child was sus- \ntained and comforted, but to show two other as- \nsociations of the experience. In time of ex- \ntremity and of semi-consciousness, most of us \nwill have visions of some kind. They will either \nbe visions of terror and of fog and of black dark- \nness, or they will be visions of light and glory. \nHow much better that the pain of sickness shall \nbe swallowed up in a vision of light, so that for- \never the memory shall treasure that impression, \nthan that the pains of sickness be swaddled in \n\n\n\n78 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nthe bands of depression and blackness ! From a \nconstant practice in sickrooms, it may be asserted \nthat the advances in nursing do not provide the \npatient with as many impressions of peace and \njoy, as did the old practice of sustaining the pa- \ntient with fervid prayers and familiar hymns of \ntriumphant faith. The depression of sickness is \nas great as the pain. It cannot be questioned \nthat this depression can frequently be relieved by \nthe practices of a strong Christian faith. \n\nIn the above quoted experience it will be no- \nticed that the high points of the experience are \nassociated with death, and it is to be granted that \nthe little girl of nine who watched her mother \ndie, was made morbid. Nevertheless, as will be \nshown in a later chapter, it is a general fact that \nthe gateway through which the first vivid religious \nexperience is attained, is the gateway which opens \nfor the later experiences. Powerful memory as- \nsociations make this the case. \n\n2. In the following experience, the mother \nsees her child die, and other members of her \nfamily depart, until her affections are gradually \nmore abundant in heaven than on earth. \n\n"My mother was a good Christian woman and took \ngreat pains to train her children, and in early child- \nhood I felt God\'s influence upon my heart. After \nI grew up and mingled more with the world, I be- \ncame cold and careless about spiritual things. After \nI had a family, my affections centered upon them. \nA child that was very dear to my heart was gathered \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 79 \n\nby the Grim Reaper. How bitter was this sorrow! \nHow my heart rebelled! God did not seem the lov- \ning Father he was represented to be. After other \nmembers of my family were called Home, I began to \nfeel that I had more interest in Heaven than on \nearth. I lost interest in the earthly things that had \nbefore engrossed me, and set my affections on heav- \nenly things. I have never experienced such great \njoy as some have in their experience, but I now have \na great desire to live near to God and to be ready to \nmeet Him when he calls me. God seems very pres- \nent when reading his word, and in reading spiritual \nsongs and hymns. I hope ere long to see Him face \nto face!" \n\nThe above experience was written by an old \nlady nearing the sunset. Since it was written, \nshe has passed through the gates, sustained by \ngreat peace. We have just laid her away, re- \njoicing that the love of a little child that was \nlost for a little while, anchored her affections \nto that within the veil. She now sees Him face to \nface. \n\n3. The following case is pathetic in its lone- \nliness and yet strong in the beauty of its con- \nsolation. It was written by a Swedish girl who \nis alone in a strange country, and living in that \nisolation of the servant in the house. It shall be \nquoted as it is written, in uncertain English. \nWould that we could also reproduce the hand- \nwriting with its suggestions of hard work and an- \nother language. Would that we could also re- \n\n\n\n80 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nproduce the strong sweetness of such direct and \nsustaining faith. \n\n"I became a Christian when I was fifteen old. \nMy father or my mother were not Christians. I \ncould not go to church or Sunday School very much. \nI am so glad and thankful that I have turned to \nJesus, for he helps me much in everyday duties. I \nhave had to look to strangers for to live and for help. \nI feel I do not have to depend on strangers now. I \nseem to feel God is near me in preaching, but I know \nHe is near always. I trust he will always claim me \nas his child, and I can always feel that I am his child \nalso." \n\nThe above are a sufficient range of experiences \nto show that hunger, or fear, or love in a focal \ncenter, or loneliness, may any of them be the \nemotions that make the soul ready for the en- \ntrance into the consciousness of the Kingdom of \nGod. The next waymark that may be noticed, \nwhich may be said to be a general characteristic, \nis the longing for the touch of another life. "I \nlonged for someone to talk to me." "After urg- \ning by my companions." "A Sunday School \nteacher spoke to me." "The pastor sat down be- \nside me." These are the expressions which show \nthe longing for the touch of another flame, which \nis burning. So general is this testimony, that we \nmay say that spiritual life proceeds from spirit- \nual life. The pilot flame is kindled by the torch \nof another life. \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 81 \n\nSince it injures the vividness of the experi- \nences to tear them apart, another waymark must \nbe pointed out before experiences are quoted to \nthe point that life proceeds from antecedent life. \nThis additional fact is that the religious experi- \nence is preceded by a focus of attention. While \nin a number of experiences already quoted it will \nbe seen that this focus of attention was attained \nby the death of mother and child, at Sunday \nafternoon household worship, and in a number of \nways, yet it must still be granted that this focus \nof attention is most frequently attained by a re- \nvival meeting, or a special meeting. \n\nThe emotions of hunger, or of fear, or of lone- \nliness, exist in the second decade in the average \nperson. These emotions may be strangulated by \nthe pressure of more clamorous emotions of greed \nand ambition and struggle for attainment. The \nobject of the focus of attention is to give these \nemotions a chance to assert themselves, to come to \nvigor. A sentence from the recognized author- \nity, Jules Payot on the "Education of the Will," \nhelps to clarify this point: "All that is neces- \nsary to give vigor and life to an emotion or a \ndesire, is to make the object to be obtained per- \nfectly clear in the mind, so that all its attractive, \ndelightful or simply useful aspects may be \nbrought boldly into relief." A successful revival \nbrings boldly into relief all the attractive, de- \nlightful and useful aspects of the Christian life. \nThat so many have found salvation in a revival \n\n\n\n82 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nmeeting, shows that this focus of attention on the \nends to be obtained, does succeed in giving vigor \nto the piloting emotions that lead on the realiza- \ntion of the great experience. \n\nOne more sentence will be quoted from Payot, \nmentioning a necessity which is well recognized \nby every practitioner among the souls of men. \n"When feeling surges up into consciousness, we \nmust seize the occasion to launch our bark." We \nmust take advantage of our good moments, that \nis of our moments of high and heavenly emotion- \nality, as if the voice of God called us. When \nthe flame leaps up, then God hears. When feel- \ning, when hunger, or fear, or love, or loneliness, \nsurges up into consciousness, then if you will \nhear His voice, you shall find satisfaction and \nsafety, love and fellowship. \n\nThe difficult question must now be asked, how \nare the vague emotions brought to the point of \ndecision and expression? How are the vague im- \npulses gathered up into a life decision, producing \nan impulse strong enough to govern the trend of \na whole life? How is the entire consciousness \nturned over, so that the affections and enthu- \nsiasms of the life find a new source? \n\nWe enter not into the mystery of the quicken- \ning of spiritual life. We believe that God enters \nin. But we believe that God presses upon life \neager to enter in, and that we do Him no irrev- \nerence to set in the white light of knowledge the \nhabitual methods by which he enters in. \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 83 \n\nThere is no uniform method by which the emo- \ntions come to the point of decision. Any claim \nof any easy uniform method suggests the quack. \nA cure-all for the aches and pains of the body, to \nbe applied freely all the way from corns to head- \naches with marvelous results instantly attained, \narouses our scorn. The cure of souls is a prac- \ntice, not a prescription. Each case, with its con- \nstitution and complications, must be understood \nby itself. The cure of souls is best accomplished \nby those who have deep insight and constant \npractice, although nursing of souls by those who \ntenderly regard them is sometimes just as effect- \nive. \n\nThe weakness of the great organized meeting \nis at the point of individual variation. The great \nmeeting does get the focus of attention ; the great \nmeeting does make clear the attractions and the \nusefulness of the Christian life, and thus give \nvigor to the emotions that lead on to Christian \ndecision and expression. But the great meeting \nfails in dealing with the individual; it does not \nremove individual difficulties ; it cannot generally \nprovide enough of the burning flame in the lives \nof friends and Sunday School teachers to light \nthe flame in the new life. A great meeting \npasses out a prescription ; it does not give a treat- \nment. \n\nThe two steps "decision" and "expression" \nmust be firmly linked together. From the study \nof the cases, and from observation of many who \n\n\n\n84 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nare "getting through" the conclusion becomes ap- \nparent that "decision" without expression is al- \nmost useless. Every pastor is familiar with the \ncases of those who have said, "I resolved within \nmyself to be a Christian, but not to say anything \nabout it," and the resolve did not amount to \nmuch. The holding up of the hand, or the sign- \ning of a card is generally not a sufficient expres- \nsion. "It is impossible to overestimate the \nenergy which is given to the feelings and the will \nby taking a decided public stand." (Jules Payot, \nEducation of the Will.) "In letting our will be \nknown to those around us, action pledges our \nhonor ; it reasserts our resolutions, and both of \nitself and by calling to its aid the power of opin- \nion, thereby increasing its power, it brings us \nstrong and manly joys in recompense." \n\nIn the light of the almost universal testimony \nthat public confession is necessary, the command \nto "confess" gains new significance. "Whoso- \never shall confess me before men, him shall the \nSon of Man confess before the angels of God." \n"With the mouth confession is made unto salva- \ntion." \n\nWhile we firmly link "decision" and "expres- \nsion" or confession, some latitude must be allowed \nas to the method of expression. Running \nthrough most of the West Virginia testimonies \nis the conception that the religious experience is \nto be definitely attained by going to the altar at \nthe revival meeting. While the majority testify \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 85 \n\nthat the experience attained at the altar was \nvivid and satisfying, five definitely mention that \nthey were disappointed and although a number of \nattempts were made, no new experience was at- \ntained. They felt cheated and baffled, and their \nconfidence in the vitality of the relationship with \nGod was shaken. \n\nThe mistake is sometimes made of promising \nthat they who will come to the altar shall have \nan emotion. Many disappointments are thus pro- \nvided which sometimes provoke a lifelong skepti- \ncism. The promise of the invitation should be, \nif anyone now feels in his consciousness hunger \nfor the better life, a longing for eternal safety, \na desire for the surrounding and sustaining con- \nsciousness of his Heavenly Father, if anyone now \nhas any of these emotions, it is the voice of God \ncalling his station with a message. If he will \narise and apply himself to the instrument, if he \nwill firmly weld his emotion to an expression, he \nwill find it a continuing and sustaining power in \nhis life. \n\nThe mistake of supposing that there is but one \nmethod of expression is shown in the experience \nof Frances Willard. The experience of Frances \nWillard is used because her whole after life at- \ntested the good quality of her experience. The \nexperience of the five was very similar, but be- \ncause the goodness of their lives is known in a \nsmall circle, the question might be raised as to \ntheir having been truly converted: \n\n\n\n86 THE PILOT FLAME \n\n"It was one night in June. I was nineteen years \nold, and was lying on my bed, ill with typhoid fever. \nI had heard the doctor say the crisis would soon ar- \nrive. Mother was watching in the next room. My \nwhole soul was intent as two voices seemed to speak \nwithin me, one of them saying, \'My child, give me thy \nheart. I called thee long by joy, I call thee now by \nchastisement.\' The other voice said: \'Surely you who \nare so resolute and strong will not break down be- \ncause of physical feebleness. You have never yet \nbeen convinced of the reasonableness of Christianity.\' \nIn my weakness the controversy seemed long. At \nlast, in the language of consciousness, I concluded: \n\'If God lets me get well, I\'ll try to be a Christian \ngirl.\' But this resolve did not bring peace. \'You \nmust at once declare this resolution,\' said the inward \nvoice. Complete as had always been my frankness \ntoward my dear mother, it cost me a greater humbling \nof my pride to tell her, than the resolution had cost \nof self surrender, or than any utterance of my whole \nlife has involved. After a hard battle in which I \nlifted up my soul to God for strength, I faintly called \nto her in the next room and said: \'Mother, I wish to \ntell you that if God lets me get well, I\'ll try to be \na Christian girl.\' That winter we had revival services \nin the old Methodist church at Evanston. These \nmeetings seemed my first public opportunity of de- \nclaring myself. The earliest invitation to go forward, \nkneel at the altar and be prayed for, was heeded by \nme. Shrinking and sensitive and humble, for fourteen \nnights I knelt at the altar, expecting some utter trans- \nformation. I prayed and agonized, but nothing oc- \ncurred. One night when I had returned to my room \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 87 \n\nbaffled and discouraged, it came to me quietly that \nthis was not the way; that my \'conversion/ my \'turn- \ning about,\' my \'religious experience/ had reached its \ncrisis on that summer night when I said \'yes\' to God, \nand confessed to my mother." \n\nAllowance must be made for the apparently in- \ncreasing number of cases where the public meeting \ninhibits any fresh experience of the incoming of \nGod. If decision and expression has been truly \nobtained at home, it needs but to be ratified by the \npublic joining of the church. \n\nCases will now be offered which are typical \nof the altar experience obtained by thousands. \nThe experience in each case is written after many \nyears, yet it will be noticed that the name of the \nevangelist, the person who held out the torch of \nlight, the circumstances to the smallest detail are \nretained, as if photographed upon the conscious- \nness. By actual trial it will be found that peo- \nple can better remember the episodes of their con- \nversion than they can the episodes of their court- \nship. \n\n"I had a good Sunday School teacher. I know that \nshe loved everyone of her class. I was about sixteen \nyears old. We had a big meeting. Brother Chidister \nwas the pastor. My Sunday School teacher asked \nme if I would like to be a Christian. I told her \n\'Yes.\' Then they commenced to sing \'Just as I am \nwithout one Plea.\' When they were about through, \nshe spoke to me again, and I went to the altar. I \n\n\n\n88 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nwas there two nights and a day, and a day (evidently \nday and night meetings were held). The last night, \nI felt a great joy. When Sister Chidister com- \nmenced to sing, \'Happy Day\' I took hold of my teach- \ner\'s hand. Everybody around me and the old church \nitself seemed to be light with a new light. \n\n"I have at times experienced great joy in the Sun- \nday School lessons. I love to study the Bible by \nmyself and to pray alone. I get the most help from \nthe prayer meeting. We all seem to be close to God \nthen, and I always go away feeling happy." \n\nThe following experiences exhibit the vigor of \nthe old time days: \n\n"Will say, as to my testimony, I am glad I\'ve got \nreligion. Was born in 1837, September the 5th. \nWas born again of the spirit the 20th of Dec, 1847. \nAm still on the way. Praise the Lord, for all his \ngoodness and mercy! Now what brought me to seal \nmy salvation was this: Brother Billy Wagner was \nclass leader in the new church (the old one now), and \nwe had a revival meeting in the basement. Brother \nWorthington was pastor. It was a great and glorious \nmeeting. Many of the young girls and the young \nmen from the school were converted. I mind Brother \nDolliver was attending the meeting. I thank the \nLord a thousand times I am still on the way. To \nhave religion has saved me from a thousand snares." \n\n"My father was class leader as far back as I can \nremember. All of the eleven children were converted \nin the old church. I was converted in the December \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 89 \n\nof 1862 under Rev. Ison\'s ministry, and know for my- \nself I was born of the spirit, justified, freely loved. \nI sought diligently for a baptism of the Holy Ghost \nfire. Glory to God, I never will forget when the fire \nfell. Now, he keeps me day by day by his power, \nand gives me the peace the world cannot give, or take \naway." \n\nThe following experience will suggest the effi- \ncacy of asking for the written testimonies. Here \nis a truly beautiful soul which yet has been in- \narticulate through the years. The power of ex- \npression comes through education, but the ex- \nperiences of the soul are primal: \n\n"As my par ants was christons, while in mi child \ndayes I remember my mothers songs and prayers, \nhow sweat they was to me; Christon people the most \nbeautiful thing on irth. When about 15 I interd the \naltar where I first saw my savor the dark cloud broke \na way, the light broke through whitch was all joy and \npeace. But the stunting part came afterwards. \nPrayer never came to me could not explane my ex- \nspearance tride to pray in secreat could only give \nmi self in to his care and trust him to take care of me \nI no god has dun his part as long as I doo I have \nmade meney mis stakes and blunders when I doo \nrong I ask him with in my hart to for give me and \nhe sets me on my feat a gayn I cant sing mutch but \nthank god I can read the bible I love the church \nI love the Saboth School I love all of gods people \nI love God best of all be cause he first loved me Not \nbrotight up mutch in Saboth School in mi former \n\n\n\n90 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ndayes only late years had the operitunity Read- \ning the bible bin mostly my j oy I take it as my gide, \nmy savoer, my receiver." \n\nMany of the experiences already quoted entire \nshow the same type of vivid transforming deci- \nsion and expression. There is added a group of \nsentence testimonies to the efficacy of the altar \nexperience : \n\n"When I was about ten I attended a series of meet- \nings during a great revival. I felt the power of his \nlove. It seemed to me my whole life was changed, \nfor such peace and happiness and love flooded my soul \nthat only those who have felt it can tell." \n\n"My conversion was complete and most satisfying. \nI felt a deep peace and joy, and had full assurance \nthat my sins were forgiven." \n\n"Forty-eight years ago to-day I was truly and \nhappily converted in the little church two miles north \nof Morgantown, named Drummond\'s Chapel. I was \nat the altar for nearly two weeks, pleading with \nJesus to give me a rich blessing, and Jesus only \nknows how happy I was." \n\n"At a revival meeting I came under conviction, and \nagreed with two other boys to go forward. One boy \nand myself were converted, and I felt a quiet joy \nexpressed in tears." \n\n"At a revival meeting for Sunday School children, \nas I knelt by the altar, I felt that warmth in my heart, \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 91 \n\nand I realized that it was really good to be a child \nof God." \n\n"During a special meeting a young man came to \nme, and asked me whether I did not want to be a \nChristian. I went up to the front of the church, and \nknelt at the rail. This was the beginning of my \nChristian life." \n\n"An evangelist with a mighty thirst for souls talked \nan hour with me. I felt a complete surrender, con- \nsecrating my whole life to God, and I treasured a \nsecret desire to go to Africa as a missionary." \n\n"I consider Christian training of the first import- \nance, but I made a public confession at a revival \nmeeting." \n\nBy general agreement it may be granted that \nthe experience obtained by way of the altar dur- \ning the past generation was a vigorous method \nof bringing the religious emotions to decision and \nexpression. The problem that confronts the \nmodern care-taker of souls is whether or not it \nis still the most useful method. \n\nSome study needs to be made of the environ- \nment, some careful testing made of the soil in \nwhich it is expected that germination of the spir- \nitual life is to take place. The churches are \nmuch larger than they were a generation ago, \nand the altar is farther away. Gifts of devotion \nhave made many churches show more wealth and \ntaste in their appointments than surround the \n\n\n\n92 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nmost of the people in their homes. These sur- \nroundings furnish culture after spiritual life is \ngerminated, but the atmosphere provided is gen- \nerally too cold for the germination of life. If a \nlarge meeting is contemplated for the purpose of \ngiving vigor to the religious emotions and get- \nting the focus of attention, it is practicable to \nuse a tent or a tabernacle. The same effect is fre- \nquently attained by building rough board chorus \nplatforms, scattering temporary chairs and hang- \ning up bizarre banners. The rough appoint- \nments of the camp-meeting ground were most \nsuccessful in providing that warm democratic at- \nmosphere needed for the germination of spiritual \nlife. The feeling of this need is behind Peter \nCartwright\'s famous prayer that the Methodists \nmight be saved from wanting pews, or organs or \nsteeples for their churches. \n\nThe successful evangelist helps on the creation \nof the democratic and homelike atmosphere. He \nopens up before the minds of the people a great \npool of cleansing. Into this pool he puts the \npreachers first, then the saints, then the church \nmembership, making the way clear, definite and \napparent to those who are without, making it \nseem but a little way to those who must come, \nmaking them see that it is the relief of loneli- \nness. \n\nThe great democratic and homelike meeting can \nsuccessfully do these things. The great meeting \ncannot successfully carry the seeker through de~ \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 93 \n\ncision and expression. It cannot fill its prescrip- \ntion. The Two-or-Three assemblies do find Jesus \nmost abundantly in the midst. The minister in \na little church has the advantage. The minister \nin a large church can use his chapel or his base- \nment, and if he can divest himself of his auditor- \nium manner and polished utterance, he may per- \nhaps be as successful as the minister in a little \nchurch. \n\nIn looking back over the last ten years, during \nwhich the writer has watched with somewhat over \na thousand, while they came through the point of \ndecision and expression, it needs to be confessed \nthat the best experiences have been obtained in \nthe home, in the pastor\'s study, or, in some cases, \nin the business office. Education has so developed \nindividuality, that decision and expression can \nhardly be obtained by any general applications, \nespecially if the seeker has passed out of child- \nhood. \n\nWhen you are seeking the place where the pilot \nflame of the consciousness of God may be lighted \nin a life which has matured without this con- \nsciousness, you grope in darkness to find the \nhinges of a rusty door, you reach out the flame of \nyour own knowledge to apply it at many points, \nif perchance you may find the place where the \npower of God comes in with sufficient force to be \nignited. \n\nOne night there was serious sickness in my \nhome. We needed water to flow out hot from the \n\n\n\n94 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nheater in the cellar. The water came out cold. \nThe pilot flame was out. I had to go down into \nthe cellar in the dark and the cold. I fell over \nan apple-barrel, and ran into a beam and bumped \ninto the heater. I groped in the dark, feeling \nfor the door, which stuck for lack of use. With \nmy little match, I reached for the place where \nthe flame might light. After several attempts, \nI found the place; the little flame leaped up, and \nI knew all would be well \xe2\x80\x94 the water would come \nup hot. As I climbed the cellar stairs I had a \nhaunting sense of familiarity. What was it like? \nOh, I know! It reminded me of the work I had \nbeen doing in the afternoon, stumbling and fumb- \nling around in the cellar of a man\'s mind who was \nsick unto death and who was old, trying to light \nfor him the pilot flame of the perception of God. \nAs I paused on the stairs, the pilot flame leaped \ninto a fervid blaze. The water needed upstairs \nwas running hot. I retraced my steps and stood \nbefore the water-heater with respect \xe2\x80\x94 it acts so \nlike the operation of the great experience. There \nis the subconscious or instinctive mind, like the \ncellar; there is in this cellar an apparatus, an op- \nportunity through which God may enter into the \nlife, like the tiny hole through which the gas \ncomes to produce the pilot flame. The little \nflame must be lighted. It does not light itself. \nIt must be kindled from the flame held out by \nanother life. When it is not lighted, there is \nsomething consciously wrong with a man. He \n\n\n\nTHE CHILD WHO VARIES 95 \n\nfeels hungry, or he feels lost, or he feels lonely. \nA focus of attention enables him to tell how he \nfeels. At such a time the flame may be lighted, \nand sensations of joy and peace will inform him \nthat a vital transaction took place. When the \nflame is burning the water flows hot ; when the \nassurance of the presence of God is enjoyed, ac- \ntivities are dispatched in warmth and hope and \nfaith. There comes a night of stress, of sick- \nness, of the shadow of death. Woe unto him \nwhose pilot flame is gone out, or has never been \nlighted ! \n\nThe normal work of the church is to light for \nevery individual the pilot flame and to keep it \nburning. \n\n\n\nCHAPTER III \nILLUMINATION \n\nIllumination is the effect of beholding Jesus. \nIt is the way people feel when, by some method \nof contemplation, or of association, they have \nbeen enabled to see Jesus. Any normal person \nwho has his attention so focused that he beholds \nJesus, in any aspects of his revelation from the \npurple of his power to the crimson of his sacri- \nfice, will find as the tension of the great vision \nebbs away, that there is left in his consciousness \na deposit of stimulating and uplifted feeling \nwhich may be described as illumination. In \nsome cases the beholding of Jesus is visualized, \nas in two cases when the crucifixion is seen in \ndetail"; in many cases it is a mastering perception \nof depth of sacrifice and height of love, or of \nrange on range of truth and strength and power. \nIn some cases it is a perception described as \nlight, above the brightness of the noonday sun, \nsuch as Paul experienced on the Damascus road. \nThe beholding of Jesus is generally described in \nterms of the feeling which it left behind, although \nin a number of cases the testimony simply knows \nthat something happened. \n\nThe way in which a great beholding produces \n\na stimulation which will be expressed in varying \n\n96 \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 97 \n\ndegrees of feeling, may be seen when a party of \npeople are looking from one of the great scenic \npoints. Before there was any railroad, we made \nthe pilgrimage through the forest to behold the \nGrand Canon of the Colorado. During four \ndays we threaded our way through the pines, \nwhich is the best preparation for the great vision. \nOn the afternoon of the fourth day, the guide, \nHank, promised that we should see the sun set in \nthe "big hole." The road kept threading through \nthe pines, and we jogged on at the same pace, see- \ning nothing strange, almost ceasing to expect \nanything very great. As the long shadows were \nsifting through the pine needles, we started up a \nlittle rise, where there seemed to be a streak of \nlight beyond the trees. Hank suggested that we \nmight get out and walk, as we were nearing the \ncabin where we were to stop for the night. We \ncame suddenly around the turn in front of the \ncabin. Then I saw it. Right at my feet, drop- \nping away into purple depths, rising in flaming \npeaks of glory, the most stupendous vision of \nheight and depth, of vastness, of distance, of de- \ntail, of flaming contrasting color and mingling \ndeeps of harmony. The rays of the setting sun, \nfalling through that crystal air crowned with \nglory all the procession of the Bright Angels, \nwhile the purple fingers of the night shadows were \nstretching up from the weird labyrinth of unex- \nplored canons. The tension of that great \nvision held me paralyzed for some minutes. Then \n\n\n\n98 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nI felt a kind of lightness in my head. Seeing a \nlittle tree near, I went over and put my arm about \nit for support. My wife moved over and took \nhold of my arm, both reaching out instinctively \nfor something that might steady us. I noticed \nthat we both panted, drawing the convulsive breath \nof a great tension. Thus we stood, and looked \nand looked, straining to learn the details of the \nvision, ere the purple fingers of the night took the \ncrown of glory from the Bright Angels. \n\nHank called us to supper. We mechanically \nand silently accepted the supper. Hank began \nto laugh at us. "Well," he said, "is it as big as \nI told you? You ain\'t as bad as the last folks \nI brought. The man went into hysterics and \nsome of the women began to cry. They all act \nfunny, and lots of them take hold of that tree \njust like you did. One woman I brought in \nfainted. They all feel strange. Some of them \nare silent, and sit and stare like you do. Again \nthey get to talking, and will talk half the night, \ntelling everything that ever happened to them. \nWhen I get folks out here, I always watch them, \nbecause they act like drunk folks." \n\nThe vision of the Bright Angels has for its \neffect a feeling 1 . It provides a conception of \nheight and depth, of distance and of color, on \nsuch a vast scale, as to be registered in the con- \nsciousness by a feeling. While the vast view has \nfor its effect a feeling, as this feeling ebbs away, \nit does not leave behind it a renewing of the whole \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 99 \n\nnature, which is accomplished by a perception of \nsome splendid aspect of the nature of Jesus. It \nleaves behind no bonds of the obligation to be- \ncome like it. Jesus is a personality, which once \nhaving been perceived becomes a source of con- \nstant suggestion of the obligation to become like \nhim. By beholding as in a mirror, by contempla- \ntion and association, we are transformed into his \nlikeness. A grand canon does not suggest to \nus that we can become like it, and while the vision \nof it remains as a splendid memory, the stimula- \ntion which it evoked vanishes. \n\nJesus having once been perceived by the in- \nterior consciousness, without the aid of eyes, it \nis possible to see him again, and finally to form \nthe habit of beholding him for the illumination of \nevery day. It is as if you had discovered the \nglories of the Grand Canon in your own con- \nsciousness, and at will could lift your eyes from \ncramping littleness and daily details to be illu- \nminated by its vastness. \n\nThe effect which the beholding of Jesus has \nupon the interior life is capable of spreading it- \nself throughout every kind of activity, so that \nthe general condition of warmth and courage and \nenergy may be provided for all the normal activi- \nties. The way in which this claim may be made \nupon Jesus is not mystical and uncertain. The \ninfinite power of Jesus and its entire availability \nfor each person is entirely beyond our compre- \nhension, but the method by which this power is \n\n\n\n100 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nused and consumed in the life activities may be \nunderstood. \n\nA simple test which can be made by anyone \nupon his own interior states will clarify the con- \nception of the process by which the power of \nJesus can be used. Any activity as it passes \nthrough the central station of the brain, not only \ndispatches commands to the muscles which are \nto proceed, but at the same time it lets loose a \nnumber of feelings about the activity. There \nis that instantaneous prophecy which perceives \nwhether the activity is going to accurately ac- \ncomplish the purpose for which it was intended, \nthat delicate foreknowledge that enables the \nbaseball pitcher to perceive the instant the ball \nleaves his hand whether or not it accomplishes its \nintended purpose. This perception of accuracy \nis the guide to all who dispatch activities that are \nso intricate that they must be connected with a \npersonality, and it is a feeling, in that it is in- \nstinctive and functional, rather than reasoned. \nAs the activity passes, it leaves behind other \nfeelings. There is the feeling of success, of ac- \ncomplishment, of approval if the activity has ac- \ncomplished its intended purpose. There is the \nfeeling of failure, of waste and annoyance if it \nis a small matter, of discouragement if it is a \nlarge matter, when the activity fails to accom- \nplish its intended purpose. When a number of \nactivities have passed, leaving behind them the \nfeeling of approval, these feelings all summarize \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 101 \n\nthemselves, making a general feeling of satis- \nfaction, of glow, of well being within the con- \nsciousness. We feel exhilarated, happy, pleased \nwith ourselves and the world. But when a num- \nber of activities have passed leaving behind them \nthe feeling of failure, of the irritation of wasted \neffort, of insufficient skill, these feelings are sum- \nmarized in that general feeling of depression, of \nclouds and darkness round about, as if the con- \nsciousness were under a cold fog. A casual look \ninto your own consciousness at the end of a vig- \norous day will tell you readily enough whether \nyour feelings have summarized into a glow of ap- \nproval, or whether they have summarized into a \nfog of disapproval. \n\nWe long for the glow of approval. That glow \ngives energy to all the functions, to digestion, to \nrelaxation, to sleep. That glow provides the \neager desire which enables us to take hold on life \nwith appetite. \n\nWe dread the fog of disapproval. It is the \ndead waste of unsuccessful effort, rotting on our \nshores, putting a palsy on future energy, robbing \nus of desire and interest, appetite and rest. On \nthe day when our feeling has summarized into the \nfog of disapproval, we understand very well that \nutterance, "From him that hath not shall be \ntaken away even that which he seemeth to have." \n\nAs most of our activities are in competition \nwith our fellows, many of whom are more skillful \nthan we, the fog of disapproval has greater \n\n\n\n102 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nfrequency than the glow of approval. We need \na method by which the fog of disapproval may \nbe scattered, that we may at least be given an- \nother chance, a new day, a new energy, a new \nfaith in life and in ourselves. It is just at the \npoint where the fog of disapproval is gathering \nthat the practice of beholding Jesus is available. \nIf the acts have been related to him, and have \nbeen undertaken with the faith that they are in \nharmony with his will, the following feeling is \nof approval, regardless of what the exterior re- \nsult of the act may have been. So long as the \nfollowing feeling of activity is approval, the fog \nof disapproval cannot gather. \n\nThe only safe method of dissipating the fog \nof disapproval is by relating the life to the higher \napproval of Jesus. Some artificial ways have \nbeen discovered of dissipating this fog, and arti- \nficially providing the glow of approval. The \ndifference between this artificial glow of approval \nand the wholesome higher approval of Jesus has \nbeen recognized ever since Paul warned the Ephe- \nsians to be not drunk with wine, but to be filled \nwith the Spirit. The similarity between the \nstimulating effect of the approval of Jesus and \nthe effect of alcohol has been recognized ever \nsince the day of Pentecost, when it was neces- \nsary for Peter to stand up and declare that he \nwas not drunken as was supposed, but, like David, \nhe foresaw his Lord always before his face. \n"Therefore," he says, "did my heart rejoice, and \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 103 \n\nmy tongue was glad; moreover also my flesh shall \nrest in hope." \n\nProfessor James says (Varieties of the Re- \nligious Experience, p. 387), "The sway of alco- \nhol over mankind is unquestionably due to \nits power to stimulate the mystical faculties of \nhuman nature, usually crushed to earth by the \ncold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour." \nIf Professor James were writing this sentence at \nthe present time, it is probable that he would \nsubstitute "sense of approval" for "mystical \nfaculties," for the function of feeling is not now \nso mystical to us as it was. \n\nDr. Peabody (Jesus Christ and the Social \nQuestion, p. 349) says, "The drink habit is in a \nvery large degree the perversion of one of the \nmost universal of human desires, the thirst for \nexhilaration, recreation and joy; and to remove \nthe only available means for satisfying this \nnormal craving without providing adequate sub- \nstitutes, is like blocking the channel where a \nstream does harm without observing many new \nfields the same stream is likely to devastate." \n\nEvery minister of course has in his church at \nleast several men who are reformed drunkards, \nand who have been able to substitute for the de- \nlusion of the stimulation of alcohol, the whole- \nsome glow of the approval of Jesus. These men \nwill agree in testifying that it was the desire to \nfeel the sensation of approval upon their acts, \nregardless of what those acts really were, that \n\n\n\n104 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ncaused them to drink. One man of sensitive \ntemperament and college education told this; he \nsaid that the men who were his drinking compan- \nions were mostly coarse, heavy and slow brained. \nAfter they had taken a few drinks together, they \nfelt like they were truly smart; the things they \nsaid seemed to themselves gay and mirthful; they \nfelt capable of schemes and plans ; they felt like \nthey were what they liked to be. The morning \nafter was of course ten times more gray and \nstupid and heavy, with plain work and plain food \nmore loathed. But for one glorious hour they \nrioted in the sense of approval, of efficiency, of \ncapacity. \n\nIf it is desired to look for a place where the \ndevil is incarnate, we may find him in alcohol. The \ndevilish hold which alcohol has on life is the fact \nthat artificially for a short time, it produces these \nprecious sensations of approval. \n\nMr. Hadley of the Jerry McAuley mission re- \nports that sixty-two per cent, of the large num- \nber of drunkards treated by the process of con- \nversion are permanently able to substitute the \napproval of Jesus for the false stimulating of \nalcohol. Rev. Mr. Avery of the Christian Home \nfor Intemperate Men, finds out of seven thousand \nmen who have entered the institution, sixty per \ncent, have been transformed into practicing Chris- \ntians able to find their necessary stimulation of \napproval in Jesus. \n\nIt may be gravely considered whether or not \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 105 \n\nthe saloon with its devilish method of providing \nthe feeling of approval does not grow and in- \ncrease in proportion as the church fails to gen- \nerate a large and generous fund of the approval \nof Jesus which may be vigorously applied to the \nlives of plain people. \n\nThe mistake is often made of claiming that \nconversion is completed by an act of will. Con- \nversion is never complete until it is summarized \nin feeling. There is danger, and there is wisdom \nat this point. The danger is that the case may \nbe left at the point of the surrender of the will, \nand the habit may never be established of receiv- \ning and using the power of the approval of \nJesus. This danger constantly attends the \nmodern great meeting, which attempts to get de- \ncisions by the hundreds, and fails to see that the \ndecision and expression are thorough enough so \nthat the after effect is the distinctly recognized \nfeeling of the approval of Jesus. It does not \nsuffice that a later and more individualized at- \ntempt should be made to carry the conversion to \nits completion. When the tide lifts, then the \nboat must go over the bar. When the will sur- \nrenders, it is the lifting of the tide. It is the op- \nportunity. Then if it is vigorously pushed out, \nthe little boat of self-consciousness can cross the \nbar into the great deeps of God consciousness. \nIf it be not pushed out at this moment, the tide \nwill sink away; the enclosing bar of self will \nemerge, the boat will be stranded. \n\n\n\n106 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nThe wisdom of the fathers was greater at this \npoint. We emphasize an act of will ; they empha- \nsized an act of faith. We stir people up to the \nstress of resolution ; they stayed with them to the \ntime of relaxation, or the receiving and using and \ndepending upon the approval of Jesus. Many \nare trying by supreme will, by battles and strug- \ngles to find the force we call the power of God, \nwhen they only need to relax and feel the power \nlift under them. The fathers understood this. \nTo a seeker they kept saying : "Don\'t depend on \nyourself; give up everything!" "Depend on \nGod; he is there; let nothing stand in the way." \nSay, "Jesus receive me." "Launch out!" These \nexpressions are well-worn until they have doubt- \nless lost much of their effectiveness, but they have \nhelped many a too rigid will and faith to relax \nand feel the power from without flowing in. The \nsupreme relaxation which permits a feeling to \nsurge up into consciousness, is a taking up of all \nthe anchors, a letting go of all that we are, be it \naccomplishment or weakness, and a brave putting \nforth across the bar, into the deeps of the God \nconsciousness. Not until we feel the great seas \nlift under us, is there a glorious certainty of \ntheir reality. The ineffectiveness of the modern \npractice is the failure to launch the boats when \nthe tide is up. \n\nWhile we must claim that the religious experi- \nence is not complete until it is summarized in feel- \ning, much range must be allowed not only for \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 107 \n\ndifferent degrees of feeling, but for differing times \nat which the feeling is perceived. Such is the \ngrowing habit of participating in public meet- \nings with a kind of public consciousness, that \nmany are held back at such time from much in- \ndividual consciousness. The size of meetings, the \ngeneral growing social consciousness tends at such \ntimes to keep dormant the individual conscious- \nness. Exceeding skill is required on the part of \nthe preacher who is lifting up Jesus, that this \npublic consciousness is broken up, so that indi- \nvidual consciousness may emerge. It becomes \nmore difficult as the size of the meeting passes \nover two or three hundred. \n\nAnother modern habit must be penetrated. \nFeelings have been in such disrepute during the \npast generation, that many deny that they have \nany. Many a time we have seen a man, white as \nhe will be when he lies in his coffin, shaking with \nthe tremendous impression of the presence of \nGod, yet frantically declaring, as if he was cling- \ning to a post, "I don\'t feel anything." When \nthe tide lifts in some souls, all the anchors are let \ndown, and if they succeed in holding, it is then \ndeclared that there was no tide. \n\nComing home from a wedding some time ago, \nI felt utterly disgusted. As we walked along, I \nsaid to my wife, "If it were in my power, I would \ntake back that act. When I was turning over \nthe certificate into the keeping of the young hus- \nband, he informed me that he was getting married \n\n\n\n108 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nfrom a sense of duty. He said he had no feel- \ning at all ; that he had selected a thoroughly nice \ngirl and married her, just as he selected a suit \nof clothes or a piece of land. I loathed him. I \nwanted to choke him and kick him out. Think of \nall the great tides of emotion that have lifted \nand sweetened and beautified life, and that nau- \nseating young chump says he has no feeling about \nthe most sanctifying event of his life." \n\nMy wife laughed, and said, "Don\'t be so \nfrantic. The young man is one of those moderns \nwho think it is mature to practice denial on his \nfeelings. Did you see him look at the bride? I \nthink he feels pretty much like the rest of us at \nsuch a time. I hope the bride will have wisdom \nenough to laugh at him, and teach him better." \n\nMany a man in whose life has lifted the great \nsweet cleansing tides of religious feeling, prac- \ntices denial like that young man at his wedding. \nThe religious life, like the married estate, for its \nbest realization, needs to be undertaken upon a \nhigh tide of glowing emotionality. Religious \nfeeling is as natural as romantic love, and it \nshould be given the same reverential right of way \nin guiding a life. \n\nA feeling, of sufficient intensity to be detected, \nis the correct assurance that the religious experi- \nence, the lighting of the pilot flame has actually \ntaken place. Without exception the written testi- \nmonies speak of the "feel," generally of the first \nconscious coming in of the presence of God. In \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 109 \n\nthe large majority of clearly written cases the \n"feel" has followed immediately as the tension of \ndecision and expression is relaxing, but the "feel" \nis not universally obtained at this time. Where \nthe experience has been the ratification of the \nfamily ideals, the "feel" is frequently attained \nduring the preparation and final act in joining \nthe church. A deepening and conscious personal \nrealization of the "feel" should be, and generally \nis, accomplished during the second decade. In \nsome cases, a more intense feeling is realized in \nassociation with bereavements or with an addi- \ntional consecration and self-sacrifice. \n\nThe range of described feeling is large, one ex- \npression blending into another, from the definitely \ndescribed incoming of a great light to the in- \narticulate declaration that something happened. \nFor convenience of understanding, the kind of \nfeelings may be gathered into four classes. \n1. Bright Glory. This charming old expres- \nsion of the fathers includes those testimonies of \nthe "feel" which specify light. 2. Peace and \njoy. The largest number of modern expressions \ncome under this classification. S. Sense of \nsafety. Under this name are gathered, "satis- \nfaction," "assurance," "relief." 4. Inarticulate \nExperience. There is a definite knowledge that \nsomething happened, but an inability to describe \nit. \n\n1. Bright Glory. There can be no contro- \nversy that an intensely focused experience of the \n\n\n\n110 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nincoming of the power of God is a bright light \nperceived as external to the person who beholds \nit. The tongues of Pentecost, and the light upon \nthe Damascus road above the brightness of the \nnoonday sun, may be described as the most in- \ntensely focused of these lights. It is not claimed \nthat the perception of light occurs in connection \nwith the other conversions under Paul\'s preach- \ning. He but requires that faith shall be in the \nheart, and that public confession shall be made, \nthe following feeling being looked upon as the \nindividual and private gift out of the bounty of a \ngracious Father. The gift of "bright glory" \nof the definite perception of light still occurs with \nsufficient frequency, to make it easy to believe \nthat the description of the tongues of Pentecost \nis accurate. \n\nIn Mr. Hadley\'s account of the famous conver- \nsion of Jerry McAuley, the following statement \nis given concerning the climax \xe2\x80\x94 (Hadley, Down \nin Water Street, p 31) : \n\n"There was a shock came into the room, something \nsimilar to a flash of lightning, which every one pres- \nent felt and saw. \n\n"Jerry fell down on his side prone on the floor, \nwith tears streaming from his eyes. \n\n" \'Oh, Jesus, You did come back; You did come \nback! Bless your dear name.\' \n\n"Jerry\'s companions were so frightened by what \nthey saw, that they sprang from their knees, ran out \nof the house and fled down the street." \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 111 \n\nWhile this flash of lightning is thus clearly \ndescribed, it must be remembered that Mr. Had- \nley does not claim to ever have seen it in con- \nnection with the many thousand of conversions \nhe has witnessed. \n\nOn one occasion, during my own ministry, a \nlight was witnessed which appeared to be ex- \nternal, following a focused conversion. \n\nAt a time when the tide was coming in during \nthe pastorate at Berkeley, California, and the \nconsciousness of God was flooding into the lives \nof most of the congregation, and many were being \nconverted, a man named Hay came into the morn- \ning service. He was a man of good ability, but \nfor forty years he had been an intermittent \ndrunkard. Between spells he maintained a small \nshop and worked as a harness maker. During \nthe service, about the middle of the sermon, he \narose suddenly and went out, looking as if he \nwere in great pain. After service, an official ex- \npressed it as his opinion that the man had been \ntaken with acute indigestion. We do not fre- \nquently enough see men suffering under "convic- \ntion" to recognize the symptoms. Hay came to \nprayer-meeting on Wednesday evening, and to \nclass-meeting on Sunday. At class-meeting, he \nwould arise and tell of his helplessness, and ear- \nnestly ask for help. Many talked with him, ad- \nvising faith in many forms. After he had been \ncoming to class-meeting for about a month, he \nseemed utterly discouraged. "It ain\'t any use," \n\n\n\n112 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nhe said. "You tell me to have faith. I do have \nfaith. It ain\'t any good. In the morning I get \nup, and start to sweep my shop. I have to go \nout and take a drink. Then when I finish the \nshop, I have to get another drink. Faith ain\'t \nany good." \n\nHe came to prayer-meeting one evening, and \nsat where the light fell on his face. His expres- \nsion convinced me that the final battle was being \nwaged within his soul. At one moment the \nstrange glow of deliverance and hope would trans- \nform his face, to be followed by an expression of \ncontempt and emerging brutality. That odd \nverse in Jude about the contention of the arch- \nangel and the devil disputing for possession of \nthe body of Moses, came to my mind. The arch- \nangel and the devil were disputing for the pos- \nsession of the man Hay that night. With un- \nusual agony, he claimed he had tried faith, but \n"It ain\'t any use." I felt that Hay must be \nsaved. I told him we would hold a prayer-meet- \ning in the room above his shop, the next evening, \nand I invited all the people who believed Hay \nmight be saved to come. All night, I turned \nrestless upon my bed, feeling that the archangel \nand the devil contended in my own soul. Here \nwas a clear case where an application of salvation \nought to save. I had no expectation of a mir- \nacle, but I thought that strength enough ought \nto be provided to overcome the appetite. \n\nWhen I arrived for the prayer-meeting, I found \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 113 \n\nthat Hay\'s wife had cleaned the room, and Hay \nhad borrowed chairs, and arranged them in rows, \nexpecting a considerable number whose faith \nshould contribute to his help. Just two people \ncame, Sister Fell and Brother Freeze. In heavy \ndepression, I sat waiting past the time to begin. \nWithout any preliminaries of prayer or of sing- \ning, I suddenly said to Hay, as if delivering a \nmessage. "Your appetite can be taken away \nfrom you." He dropped heavily upon his knees, \nas we knelt around him. Sister Fell prayed a \nlittle. Then Hay burst out, and prayed for him- \nself, a few words of claiming faith. It had come ; \ntriumphant illumination. We arose, singing the \ndoxology to a peculiar short meter. We held \nBrother Hay by the hands, and shouted with a \nfew tears running down our cheeks. That dingy \nlittle room blazed with light. It was external. \nIt was above the brightness of the noonday sun. \nIt was a bright glory. Sister Fell said, "Look at \nBrother Freeze." He, a man crippled with rheu- \nmatism, was leaping and dancing. \n\nThe thirst was taken from Brother Hay. The \nnext morning he went into his drinking place, \nasked for his account, lingered to tell the bar- \nkeeper of his conversion, when he thrust the cus- \ntomary glass under his nose. He was a man past \nseventy; the thirst of forty years was absolutely \nand instantly taken away. \n\nWhen the pilot flame was lighted in the life of \nBrother Hay, there was such an uprush of power \n\n\n\n114* THE PILOT FLAME \n\nthat it made an external light. We all saw it. \nWhile I have never before or since witnessed such \nan external radiant light, I have many times seen \nupon the faces of people such an amazing illumi- \nnation that the impression was of light shining \nfrom their faces. At one time in my early minis- \ntry, a man who was blind arose and said that he \nhad an irresistible impression of light round about \nhim. One can hardly conceive of more positive \nevidence that the incoming of the power of God \nis correctly described as light. \n\nThese evidences of "bright glory" make en- \ntirely comprehensible the following expressions \nwhich are taken out of the experiences : \n\n"My whole being seemed to be lighted. ,, \n\n"I had a vivid knowledge of change from darkness \n\nand fear to light and love." \n\n"The old church seemed lighted with a new light." \n"The dark cloud broke away; the light broke \n\nthrough which was joy and peace." \n\n"My experience was bright when I realized that I \n\nstarted in the right way." \n\n"When my mother looked at my shining face, she \n\nsaid: \'What has come over my boy?\' " \n\nThe following account of the feeling of illumi- \nnation was prepared by a man of most advanced \nintellectual culture. It is quoted at this point to \nshow that "bright glory" is not denied to those \nwho are of the distinct intellectual type, and that \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 115 \n\nillumination may follow upon the clear compre- \nhension of one of the great doctrines. \n\n"Up to the age of twenty-one, I thought I was a \nChristian. In reading the life of John Wesley, where \nhe details his feelings of conviction just before his \nexperience \'while he was reading in Romans\' I came \nto the conclusion that I was depending for salvation \non exactly the same things that Wesley was; and as \nhe did not think that he was a Christian, I concluded \nthat I could not be. I still think I was not a Chris- \ntian, though I had been a church member, Sunday \nSchool teacher and officer, and active worker in the \nchurch for twelve years. After a week\'s heavy dark- \nness and depression, during the latter part of which \nI had a consuming desire to read the Scripture on \nevery opportunity, I had a distinct, vivid, vital ex- \nperience while reading Romans six. It came at first \nas an intellectual perception of my relation to God \nand Christ, and then as a very great emotional light." \n\nTwo other university professors tell of illumi- \nnation following upon a clear perception of their \nrelationship to God. \n\nThese three men who are able not only to \ndefinitely experience illumination, but to accu- \nrately describe that it followed upon their clear \nperception of their relationship to God, provide \na valuable clew as to how illumination may be \nbrought about. The testimonies of the simple \nand the testimonies of the learned agree that il- \nlumination follows upon a beholding of Jesus. \n\n\n\n116 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nThe testimonies of the learned are probably more \naccurate when they say that it is not only a be- \nholding of Jesus but the realization of the per- \nsonal relationship to him, that precedes the vivid \nrealization of illumination. You can behold \nJesus by a process of clear and concentrated \nthinking, perhaps more genuinely than by a visual \nor auditory impression. The number whose busi- \nness it is to think are increasing. Let them \nunderstand that by a clear and concentrated \nthinking process they can behold Jesus, and come \nto claim as theirs the experience of bright glory. \n\nThe best gift, earnestly to be coveted, is to \nsummarize one\'s contemplation of Jesus in the \ntransforming feeling of bright glory. If some- \nwhere along the way the great "light has shined \nout of darkness and shined into our hearts to give \nus the light of the knowledge of the glory of \nGod in the face of Christ Jesus," we can hence- \nforth go about living neither dismayed, confused \nor doubting. When bright glory is more ear- \nnestly coveted, we can expect that it will be more \nfrequently experienced. \n\n2. Peace and Joy. At the present time, the \nbeholding of Jesus summarized itself most fre- \nquently in the feeling that is called peace and joy. \nIt is useful to notice that when the need of God \nhas become a hunger, the finding of God pro- \nduces a feeling of peace and joy, or of satisfac- \ntion. Hunger, the most frequent piloting emo- \ntion of the present generation, makes apparent \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 117 \n\nthe necessity of an outside relief. Hunger of \nthe stomiach never becomes relieved by the secre- \ntion of its own juices ; in fact, the more abun- \ndantly the digestive juices are secreted, the more \nclamorous is the cry for some substance provided \nexternally which they can work upon. In the \nsame manner, the hunger for God never becomes \nsatisfied by any turning of contemplation inward \nupon self, by any energizing of will, or shaking \nup of good resolutions. The hunger for God is \nsatisfied by the perception of some power having \ncome in from without. The following two testi- \nmonies are particularly clear on this point: \n\n"Such a flood of peace and joy enveloped me that \nI knew it could come only from above." \n\n"Jesus seemed so near and real to me I felt I \ncould reach out and clasp him in my heart. Oh, the \nlove and joy that filled my whole being." \n\nThe many testimonies that have been given, all \nconfidently assume that something came into their \nconsciousness from without. They could no more \nbelieve that the relief experienced was generated \nby expectation or by auto-suggestion, than they \ncould believe that the feeling of satisfaction after \na good meal was brought about by auto-sug- \ngestion without any reception of food. \n\nWhile a focus of attention upon Jesus must \nprecede a conversion, it is not correct to say \nthat conversion follows upon expectation. In the \ntwenty-seven West Virginia cases where it was \n\n\n\n118 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nexpected that conversion was to take place by \nway of the altar, it was found as a matter of fact \nthat the only experience was the ratification of \nthe family ideals. In speaking of the circum- \nstances of the conversion of drunkards Mr. Had- \nley says that in many cases conversion takes place \nwhen the man is at least partially drunk. The \nfollowing case is one where it is definitely stated \nthat there was no expectation of conversion. The \ntestimony is provided by a young man of un- \nusual devotion and rare beauty of Christian life. \nIn every opportunity to express the Christian life \nwhich is provided by the church, he is found re- \nsponsive and faithful. He is one of those self- \nless natures that find greatest happiness in habits \nof devotion and self-sacrifice, so readily practiced \nas to seem instinctive. In gathering the experi- \nences we have discovered that many of the most \nsustaining people, those whose lives outside of \ntheir business, are largely identified with the \nchurch, are a bit wistful and poverty stricken \nwhen it comes to their own interior and focused \nexperiences. They feel that at the Great Supper \nof the Master, because they have not on the wed- \nding garment of a focused experience, they will \nbe content to wear the garb of service, and wait \non the other guests. These who serve in the \nMaster\'s household ought to find themselves en- \nriched by the recollection that this was the way \nof Jesus himself. We know him not much in \nfocused interior experience; we know him almost \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 119 \n\nentirely in relationships of love and service. The \nmost genuine identification with the consciousness \nof Jesus is attained by those who take upon \nthemselves the washing of the disciples\' feet. Of \nsuch as these was the young man who prepared \nthe following testimony: \n\n"Immediately previous to my conversion I was \nrather cold regarding all religious matters. The \nchurch services did not interest me. During a spe- \ncial meeting, a young man came to me and, touching \nme on the shoulder, asked me if I did not want to be \na Christian. I went up to the front of the church, \nnot knowing why I did so, and knelt at the rail. This \nwas the beginning of my Christian life. I had a \nprofound experience. I found afterwards that a \nprayer band, with my sister as leader, had prayed \nfor me all that Sunday afternoon. As a free moral \nagent, I had nothing to do with becoming a Christian. \n\n"On being received into the church, I felt a new \nstrength and determination. I have had several ex- \nperiences since, that seem particularly significant and \nvivid, \xe2\x80\x94 twice, when I have felt that secret sins had \nbeen taken from me, \xe2\x80\x94 once, when I realized that \nmy life should be given to some Christian work, and \nseveral times when trying to help others. \n\n"Probably because through a prayer band I was \nconverted, I feel the presence of God most deeply \nwhen in prayer with a few fellow workers, especially \nwhen we pray for ourselves and for the success of \nsome definite work. At any time in the day, I can \nturn my heart to God and feel the reality of His pres- \nence." \n\n\n\n120 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nA string of pearls, expressions of the peace \nthat passeth knowledge will now be made, in order \nthat we may have a clear judgment of what the \nnormal amount of feeling is in this generation. \nBright glory is comparatively rare, but "peace \nand joy" is the usual description of the feeling \nwhich summarizes the consciousness that God has \ncome into communication with the life. Here is \nthe string of the pearls of peace : \n\n"What a wonderful peace I enjoyed I shall never \nforget. I was unspeakably happy." \n\n"The memory of peace comes back." \n\n"Peace and pardon!" \n\n"Peace and joy came to me." \n\n"I remember the feeling of satisfaction and rest." \n\n"Peace like a calm summer evening." \n\n"I felt a great relief and joy when I came out for \ntruth and righteousness." \n\n"After I made a complete surrender and was ready \nto change about for God and right, I had a feeling of \nrelief followed by joy and peace." \n\n"I went to the mourner\'s bench, and after a while \nI felt a complete forgiveness, and was so happy. \nThe experience was vivid and satisfying." \n\n"I had a special joy when I could say, \'Lord, I be- \nlieve.\' " \n\n"I felt joy and peace beyond power to describe." \n\n"When I raised my hand, saying I would start the \nnew life, a wonderful peace came into my heart." \n\n"As we children knelt around the altar I felt that \nwarmth in my heart, and I realized that it was really \ngood to be a child of God." \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 121 \n\nIf we should gather from all the testimonies \nalready quoted the pearl of feeling which is on \nthe end of each one, we might greatly lengthen \nthis string. The normal test as to whether or \nnot the pilot flame is lighted is the possession of \nthe pearl of the feeling of peace. \n\n3. The Sense of Safety. As the relief of \nhunger produces a feeling of peace and satisfac- \ntion, the relief of fear provides a feeling of safety, \nor of relief, or of assurance. As the number of \ncases where fear was the leading emotion are be- \ncoming rare, so the sense of safety is not so fre- \nquent as peace and joy. On the whole we may \ncome to the conclusion that joining the church is \nattended with the "sense of safety." The definite \npublic act produces the feeling of a contract \nclosed and delivered. It provides the impression \nof the recorded title to the dwelling-place in the \neternal city. Following are some of the expres- \nsions of the sense of safety: \n\n"I joined the church with a great feeling of relief." \n\n"I felt a complete surrender and consecrated my \nwhole life to Christ." \n\n"I am so glad I have turned to Jesus, for I can \nalways feel that I am his child." \n\n"I remember the feeling of satisfaction when I \njoined the church." \n\nThroughout all the testimonies the "sense of \nsafety" is in no case the feeling of being saved \n\n\n\n122 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nfrom the penalty of sin, but it is rather a feeling \nof satisfaction in having settled upon a program \nof life and of having made provision for the fu- \nture. There is left among the people almost no \nfeeling of the guilt of sin. Even in cases where \na recognized sin, such as swearing, must be re- \nmoved, the feeling is that here is a great stone \nin the way which must be lifted out rather than \nof overwhelming guilt about the past. There is \nbut one mention made of remorse, and that is not \nfor sins committed, but for the failure to love \nJesus more, on the part of a sensitive little girl. \nNot only from the written cases, but from knowl- \nedge of many cases of drunkenness, of immorality, \nof swearing, of violent temper, it can be affirmed \nthat the feeling of having sinned against the \nholiness of God has almost passed away. Sins \nare regarded as weaknesses, and the appeal to \nGod is for help and strength to overcome them, \nrather than for forgiveness. Truly the con- \nception of the All-Father has almost entirely dis- \nplaced the conception of the Righteous Judge. \nWhen we are striving to bring men into that state \nof mind at which the God power becomes avail- \nable for them, we can more readily convict them \nof failure than convict them of sin. The modern \nman is like the Prodigal son. The time of his \nredemption draws nigh when you convince him \nthat he is filling his belly with the husks which \nthe swine did eat. When you have shown him \nthe vision of the Father\'s house with bread enough \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 123 \n\nand to spare, while he perishes with hunger, then \nhe will arise and go. \n\nThe sense of safety does not in modern \nfeeling mean the remission of the penalty of sin, \nbut it is the sense of being enfolded in the great \nShepherd\'s flock, of belonging to one who is able \nto provide through time and eternity. Since this \nfeeling is generally obtained as the result of join- \ning the church, it should be recognized that join- \ning the church is the necessary condition of sus- \ntaining the Christian life. \n\nAny emotion which is not ratified by a decision \nand an action, will quickly ebb away, leaving be- \nhind it scarcely any trace. But an emotion which \nat the time of its flood is ratified by a decision \nand an action, will leave behind it a deposit, and \nthis deposit may readily become the foundation \nof a habit and practice. A beholding of Jesus \nmust be followed by a decision, and this decision \nmust be turned into an action. The most useful \naction is the joining of the church, which im- \nmediately provides duties of attendance and op- \nportunities of self-sacrifice. As the only whole- \nsome and permanent outcome of romantic love is \nmarriage, with all that it brings of duty and \nsacrifice, so the wholesome and permanent out- \ncome of conversion is membership in the church, \nwith all that it brings of habit forming practices \nof devotion and of sacrifice. Romantic love which \nwillingly enters into the bonds of matrimony is \nthat reconciliation of naturally warring personali- \n\n\n\n124 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nties which achieves that great ideal of peace, the \nhome. Romantic love which refuses the bonds \nof matrimony, becomes that stream of morbid \nand unwholesome filth running down all the gut- \nters of civilization. The bright glory of con- \nversion which willingly enters into the bonds of \nthe church becomes that permanent reconcilia- \ntion, that at-one-ment of God and man. The \nconversion which refuses the bonds of the church, \nis a tide that ebbs away, leaving the life more \nempty and desolate than before the possibility \nof washing was realized. \n\n4. For final proof that a transaction be- \ntween God and the human heart definitely takes \nplace, the "inarticulate feelings" provide the \nmost reliable proof. They offer as reliable evi- \ndence as can be imagined, that something set \napart from the round of daily life did verily take \nplace. They are provided by people who are not \naccustomed to express themselves. Their experi- \nence does not consist of phrases put into their \nmouths, for they have no phrases. They testify \nthat something happened. \n\n"I had an experience that seemed vivid." \n"I arose feeling that God had come to me. It was a \nclear knowledge but I really do not know how I felt." \n"I had a deep experience, but I cannot express it." \n"I had a vivid experience." \n"I felt good." \n"I cannot express it." \n"I know the time when I was converted." \n\n\n\nILLUMINATION 125 \n\nA careful recollection of the time when we are \npossessed by any great emotion will offer proof \nof the accuracy of the inarticulate testimonies. \nWhen we are possessed of any strong emotion, \nwe rarely know how we have felt, until the emotion \nis relaxing its grip of tension. When we are \nvery angry we rarely think we are angry; \nwe have intense feelings about a particular \nsituation. Not until we are cooling off do \nwe describe ourselves as angry. People in \ngreat sorrow are nearly inarticulate. The min- \nister whose work brings him constantly into con- \ntact with the climaxes of grief, knows that when \nthere is much weeping grief is relieving itself. \nWhen the tension of inarticulate grief holds on \ntoo long, there is danger that reason will be \nwrecked. It is the memory of the emotion, not \nthe emotion in its intensity, which is the inspira- \ntion of art and eloquence. Tennyson was for \nmany years easing his emotion, before he could \nwrite "In Memoriam" of his friend. The in- \narticulate knowledge that something important \nhappened is good evidence of the time when the \npilot flame was lighted. \n\nWhile it is conceded that illumination may \nvary all the way from bright glory, to the in- \narticulate knowledge that something happened, \nit must be claimed that a feeling is the only final \nconfirmation and assurance that the religious \nexperience is completed, that the pilot flame is \nlighted. The experience that stops short of the \n\n\n\n126 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nfeeling is incomplete. The surrendered will, the \nclaiming of faith, open the door; but not until \nthe flame of feeling proclaims the kindling touch, \ndoes the warmth of illumination flow with all the \nactivities of the life. \n\n\n\nCHAPTER IV \n\nTHE PERCEPTION OF THE PRESENCE \nOF GOD \n\nIn gathering the written testimonies the last \nquestion asked was, "How do you get the most \nreal feeling that God is present?" In all the \ntestimonies this is the question most easily and \nmost accurately answered. Somewhat more than \nhalf the people have had no vividly remembered \ntransforming experience of conversion; a consid- \nerable number have tried faithfully to experience \nsuch a renewing and have failed; a considerable \nnumber have had an occasion when the ratifica- \ntion of their family faith has provided them with \na personal consciousness of God; yet a consider- \nable number, in many instances the most sus- \ntaining and active members of the church, have \nbeen so completely identified with the Christian \nconsciousness that they remember no angles in \ntheir experience. They have been carried along \nin the omnibus of the church, and having perfect \nconfidence that the driver knows the way, they \nhave not noticed the places where the road \nbranched. \n\nWhen they are asked at what special times \n\nthey have the most genuine consciousness that \n\nGod is present, they understand readily what is \n127 \n\n\n\n128 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nwanted. The fact that this question needs not \nto be explained, but is immediately comprehended \nand accurately answered, is a marvelous testi- \nmony to the common perception of God conscious- \nness. If God were not in communication with \nthe life, this question would be considered an ab- \nsurdity. It would not be understood, and could \nnot be answered. If the God consciousness and \nthe soul of the individual are separated by an \nunknown and uncrossed ocean, it is absurd to ask \nwhat was the last message received. But if the \ntwo are connected by the cable of faith, if the soul \nhas set up the receiving station of prayer and \naspiration and contemplation, so that daily \nmessages are being communicated, then when the \nquestion is asked as to the latest message, it can \nhave a ready answer. \n\nThe ability to answer this question provides \nthe most accurate test to determine who should \nbe reckoned within and who should be reckoned \nwithout the fold. Every generation must have \na method by which to divide the sheep and the \ngoats. It must always be possible to say to the \npeople, some of you are the sheep, safe folded for \nall eternity, and some of you are the goats, \nwandering without, condemned to be lost. The \nfence between the sheep and the goats must be \nbuilded. Yet the religious friction of each gen- \neration is caused by maintaining the old fence \nbefore the pressure of the oncoming generation. \nIt is always too small, and it always frets and \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 129 \n\nconfines the growing generation. To discover \nthe place where a new fence may be safely builded \nwhich will yet include a larger number within the \nfold, is to smother out friction and fretting in \nthe enfolding sense of safety in the care of the \nGreat Shepherd. When Jesus was trying to \nmake his disciples feel that it was entirely safe \nfor them to substitute accurate belief on Himself \nfor vague belief on the Father, he says, "In my \nFather\'s house are many mansions." The God \nconsciousness manifests itself in many apart- \nments, or rooms of living. Each generation must \noccupy its own apartment, and go in and out by \nits own door. That is, each generation must \nhave its method by which to declare who is within \nand who is without. \n\nIn the last two decades the gold from the mines \nof the world has doubled. Because gold is the \nfoundation measure for values, the whole eco- \nnomic world seethes in irritation around the mov- \ning of the landmarks which determined value. \nWhat is the source of this doubling of the gold? \nHave vast new veins and pockets been opened up? \nNot many. The gold has been doubled by the \ndiscovery of a new process by which it may be \nseparated. The possibility of separating, and \nnot the gold, has doubled. \n\nGold is separated by its sensitiveness to quick- \nsilver. This method of separation provided the \nlast generation with its supply of gold. The \nstamp mills took the quartz, and faithfully stamp- \n\n\n\n130 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ning night and day, reduced it to sand. The \nstream of water floated this sand out upon the \nwide table smoothly covered with quicksilver. \nThe gold was attracted to the quicksilver and \nabsorbed, and the waste sand went on and was \npiled up as useless tailings. \n\nBut there emerges another possibility of \nseparation, the cyanide process of gathering \ngold. By this new process, the tailings can \nbe reworked. The world\'s supply of gold is \ndoubled. \n\nThe last generation had its separation by \nwhich it determined whether or not the sinner was \nsensitive to God. By the vivid process of focused \nconversion, hard hearts were beaten into the \nsand of the conviction of sin, just as the stamps \nbeat the hard quartz into sand. The revival \nmeeting with its stream of intense emotions car- \nried this beaten sand of the broken and contrite \nhearts over the sensitive table of the quicksilver \npresence of Jesus. Many were drawn out and \nabsorbed by Him, and are indeed true gold. The \nprocess of the focused conversion to separate \nthose who should become the gold of eternal life \nfrom those who should go into the heap of tail- \nings was a good and vigorous process. It sepa- \nrated pure gold. It likewise provided a large \nheap of tailings. By finding a process that will \nabsorb the gold out of the tailings, it is possible \nthat we may double the amount of the pure gold \nof Christian character which shall endure unto \neternal life. \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 131 \n\nEvery modern pastor finds on the dump heap \nof his church a considerable number of people who \nought to know themselves as Christians. On the \ndump heap just without the church, he finds the \nman who excels in civic righteousness, the man \nwho is splendidly devoted to his family, the man \nwhose business or professional integrity is the \npillar of fire in the wilderness of dishonesty. \nSome process needs to be used by which the \nchurch can get the gold out of the tailings, some \nprocess by which such men may know themselves \nas Christians. When they know themselves as \nChristians, they do undertake the duties and re- \nsponsibilities of this relationship ; they do give \ntheir religious emotions a chance to come to \nvigor. When this additional method of separat- \ning the gold of Christian character is applied \nwith wisdom to the cases where it is needed, it has \nbeen found to provide as pure gold as the older \nmethod. \n\nBy asking the question, "When do you feel that \nGod is most real?" and finding out whether there \nis any experience that enables the question to \nbe answered, you can declare to a man whether \nor not he ought to consciously recognize himself \nas a Christian. If he has some material of ex- \nperience with which to answer the question, you \ncan declare to him that he has the station in his \nconsciousness, that his instrument is signaling the \nwireless messages, that he needs to arise and \nlearn the code, and then he will understand the \nmessages, \n\n\n\n132 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nMarvelously effective for such cases has been \nfound the use of a few verses from the tenth chap- \nter of Romans. The difficulty most frequently \nexpressed by such people, is that they do not feel \nthat Jesus is a living personality. They ask the \nquestion, "Who shall descend into the deeps ; that \nis, to bring up Christ again from the dead?" The \nanswer is, "The word is nigh thee, even in thy \nmouth, and in thy heart; that is, the word of \nfaith, which we preach." The power to recognize \nGod is already in your consciousness, although \nyou may have choked it by denial. Give it a \nchance to come to vigorous growth, and it will \nbecome a fruitful vine. The next verse tells how \nto provide this vigorous growth: "If thou shalt \nconfess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt \nbelieve in thine heart that God hath raised him \nfrom the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with \nthe heart man believeth unto righteousness, \nand with the mouth confession is made unto salva- \ntion." \n\nIt is one of those remarkable comprehensions of \nthe great apostle that although he himself was \ngathered by the process of focused conversion, \nhe yet recognized that many had already in their \nhearts the word of faith, and they but needed to \ngive it expression in order to give it growth and \npower. During the last ten years a remarkably \nlarge number of the most genuine Christians have \nbeen gathered by this method. The practicing \nminister must discriminate with care as to whom \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 133 \n\nhe is to apply this process. It is entirely ef- \nfective with those who have such an intellectual \ndevelopment, that once their minds are thoroughly \nconvinced they are in the habit of acting on the \nconviction. With the increasing number who act \non convictions, this process becomes more largely \nuseful. \n\nThe cyanide process for soul gathering, the \nnew measure by which it may be determined who \nis without and who is within, the new doorway into \nanother apartment of the indwelling Father, may \nbe used by ceasing to demand the beginning, and \nby inquiring into the present consciousness of \nthe person. If you can demonstrate to him that \nhis station is calling, you can induce him to learn \nthe code, and to become as skillful a receiver and \ndispatcher of the wireless messages as you have \nin your congregation. \n\nMany souls linger lonely and unattached, out- \nside of the church, waiting for some overwhelming \nexperience to knock them over on some Damascus \nroad, long after they have passed out of the sec- \nond decade of life when it is normal to have such \nexperiences. Under the same impression as to \nthe radical nature of an emotion, many linger \nlonely and unattached out of the married estate, \nwistfully expecting even down to old age, a trans- \nforming romance. Some observers who are will- \ning to be informed by life as it is, are beginning \nto doubt if romantic enthusiasm can be relied \nupon to successfully arrange every marriage. It \n\n\n\n134 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nis not to be denied, of course, that romantic en- \nthusiasm does most successfully arrange mar- \nriages. But before the facts of the greatly in- \ncreasing number of broken marriages, and the \ngreatly increasing numbers who do not undertake \nmarriage, it should be recognized that in many \ncases marriage may as successfully be undertaken \nupon a basis of fellowship as upon a basis of ro- \nmantic enthusiasm. \n\nThose who are able to admit two facts into \ntheir philosophy, who are able to work by more \nthan one process in the business of reconciliation \nbetween God and man, will find a whole new range \nof people who can come to their reconciliation on \nthe basis of fellowship. \n\nIn every parish from the mining camp to the \nUniversity center, we have found a considerable \nnumber whose faith has been smothered out by \nthe rank growth of the materialism of twenty-five \nyears ago. These are now people in middle life \nwho see the rank nature of the weeds of material- \nism they have been growing. If they knew how, \nthey would give the delicate plant of faith a \nchance to grow. The new process, or rather the \nold Pauline process as described in the tenth \nchapter of Romans, has been successfully used. \nBy faith and confession they are able to clear \naway the weeds and give the faith plant a chance \nto grow. Such undertake their reconciliation on \nthe basis of fellowship, and it turns out very well. \n\nThe written testimonies are rich in evidence as \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 135 \n\nto the habits by which the presence of God is \nbeing] practiced. This evidence is particularly \ngood because it deals in current events. These \nglimpses into the inner lives show that the Holy \nof Holiest is not empty, but that the Ark of the \nPresence is there, shedding forth glory which as \na stream flows out and fills all the outer courts \nof living. In written testimonies the veil has been \nlifted which hangs before these inner sanctuaries \nwhich have been esteemed too sacred for the pub- \nlic gaze. \n\nSome doubt has arisen as to whether the Ark \nof the Presence is still with us. There is a de- \nmand that Christians publicly testify as to their \ninterior experiences. The demand is that the Ark \nof the Presence shall be brought forth from its \nsacred seclusion, and be exposed in the blaze of \npublicity, that the multitude may be convinced \nthat it is not lost, but that the Presence of God \nstill dwells among men. When the host is strug- \ngling toward the promised land, it may be neces- \nsary to thus expose the Ark of the Presence, but \nwhen God\'s people are settled in their own land, \nand have builded unto Him a great temple, which \nis the demonstration of his Presence, it may be \ngranted that for the most part the Ark of his \nPresence may be shrined in sacred privacy. \nNevertheless, occasionally the veil may be lifted \nto assure ourselves that the Ark of the Presence \nis still with us. The Christian lives of our peo- \nple have such an Holy place, and the Ark of the \n\n\n\n136 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nPresence is in it. Their lives are not those whited \nsepulchers within which are the dead men\'s bones \nof morbid and self-seeking thoughts. In their \ninterior life, many have an "upper room," wide \nand clean and prepared for the use of their Lord, \nwhere he comes in to sup in fellowship. \n\nAfter reading the more than one hundred tes- \ntimonials as to the habits of the people in per- \nceiving that God is present, we exclaim: "It is \nall true ; all the things we claim for religion are \nactually done for people, not in some far time, \nbut here in our midst." Let the manifold bless- \nings wherewith God is able to bless him who call- \neth be proclaimed with redoubled assurance! \n\nAll but three testify that they were conscious \nof God\'s presence as the result or association of \nspecial habits of worship, or upon special occa- \nsions. The three say they feel Him always near, \nand at any time can reach up the arm of prayer \nand find Him. These may be called the ex- \nuberant Christians, and they are fairly scarce in \nthis generation. Twenty-three distinct kinds of \npractices may be counted in association with \nwhich the presence of God is distinctly perceived. \nNo doubt the list could be increased. For the \nsake of clearness, these practices have been ar- \nranged into seven groups, in the order of their \nimportance. The number of times the practice \nwas mentioned have been counted, and the number \nenclosed in brackets, following the summary name \nof each group. The sum of these numbers is \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 137 \n\ngreater than the sum of the cases used, because \ngenerally more than one habit of perceiving God \nwas mentioned. No attempt was made to induce \npeople to specify a large number of practices, nor \nwas any particular emphasis put upon this ques- \ntion. The returns may be considered as a fair \ninlook into the interior lives of the normal Chris- \ntian people. \n\n1. Private Devotions (52). Either Bible reading \n\nor prayer is speci- \nfied, Bible reading \nbeing apparently \nmore frequent than \nprayler. In one \ncase, the reading of \nhymns is specified. \n\n2. Public Worship (29). This includes singing \n\na n d preaching, \nprayer-meeting and \ntestimony meetings. \nOnly four particu- \nlarly enj oy testi- \nmonies, and an \nequal number men- \ntion that they dis- \nJ i k e testimonies. \nThe number that \nmention preaching \nand the number that \nmention singing are \nabout equal. \n\n\n\n138 THE PILOT FLAME \n\n3. Service (20). In nearly every case it is speci- \n\nfied that the service \nmust have been to \nthe point of self- \nsac rjfice. Giving \nto the needy, Sun- \nday School teach- \ning,, and all forms \nof activity are in- \ncluded. \n\n4. Crises of Life (18). This includes the death of \n\na dearly beloved, \ngrave sickness, fi- \nnancial trouble, de- \ncisions for a life of \nspecial Christian \nservice, and private \ndifficulties. \n\n5. In Thought (10). Cases where it is carefully \n\nmentioned that \nthinking which has \nreached a vital and \nilluminating con- \nclusion, has brought \nthe exhilaration of \nthe perception of \nGod. \n\n6. In Nature (9). The contemplation of wide \n\nviews, the aspects \nof the forest, the \nfeeling of spring, \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 139 \n\nthe sunset and the \nstars are mentioned. \nThe association of \nthe master work- \nman is perceived in \nhis handiwork. \n7. Intercessory Prayer (7) . Personal knowledge \n\nof those who per- \nceive God best by \nintercessory prayer \nmakes it apparent \nthat these people \nalso love a revival. \nThe habit of find- \ning God was begun \nin a revival meet- \ning, and associa- \ntions thus formed \nare powerful \nenough to bring \nsome return of the \nbeginning emotion. \nSome of our mem- \nbers hunger for a \nrevival, as for the \nreturn of spring. \nThey need the an- \nnual revival, since \nthis is their best \nmethod of associa- \ntion with God. \n\n\n\n140 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nThe nearly doubled accent which by this count \nfalls upon private devotions is not to be ques- \ntioned. Bible reading and prayer are the manna \nof the soul, which must be gathered fresh every \nday. At least half the energy of the church \nshould be directed to arranging the private de- \nvotions of the people, and to inquiring by some \ncareful method of oversight as to whether the \nBible reading is with understanding and the \nprayer with devotion. \n\nThe largest failure of the church is to suffi- \nciently emphasize the private devotions of the peo- \nple, and to inquire with tenderness and with per- \nsonal directness into their condition. The habit \nof actually dissolving worries and laying 1 down \nburdens by the method of private prayer is fad- \ning out of general use. \n\nSpiritual exercises should be as carefully and \nspecifically arranged, as present day exercises for \nthe body, and the people should be urged to ob- \nserve them with the same practical energy and \nfaith that we have in bodily exercises. The great \naccent on Bible study in classes fails somewhat in \nteaching the people how to make application of \nspiritual exercises to their own needs. By per- \nsonal practice they should have ready access to \nthe illumination which comes from a contempla- \ntion of Jesus, they should be able to soften a too \nharsh and grasping ambition by a meditation on \ndeath and eternity, they should be able to cast \nout worry, with the power of love and a sound \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 141 \n\nmind; they should be kept from nervousness by \nthe peace which passeth understanding, and they \nshould have ready in practice the prayer of faith \nthat shall heal the sick. \n\nSpiritual exercises should be as carefully ad- \njusted to the individual as glasses to the eyes. \nThe first principle of this adjustment is associa- \ntion. In a remarkable number of cases it is men- \ntioned that the practice through which God was \nfirst consciously recognized, is the practice by \nwhich the return of His presence is most surely \nrecognized. Where this connection has not been \nnoticed, it has yet been found to hold good in \nmany instances. The method by which God has \nbecome conscious in a life, makes a passage-way \nby which he can most readily come again. \nWhether or not conversion shall lead on to a life \nof devotion, depends upon a habit of recognizing \nGod being formed by the deposits that are left \nupon the receding of the first strong tide of feel- \ning. If, at this time, it is recognized that God \ncan enter again by the doorway that has been \nopened, and the habit of thus receiving Him is \nformed upon a high tide of feeling, this habit will \nsuffice for a life-time. This is the first and most \nimportant principle of adjustment by which spirit- \nual exercises should be adapted to the individual. \nThe method of his incoming once having been \ndiscovered, the habit of receiving Him must be \nformed and emphasized and accented. He who is \npassing through his conversion, and is ignorant \n\n\n\n142 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nof his own spiritual nature, should be tenderly \nand sympathetically and individually guided. \nThe failure of evangelism on the wholesale is at \nthis point. The wave of feeling recedes and the \nhabit of receiving God is not formed. \n\nNot only the first wave of feeling, but any \nsubsequent vital spiritual experience will provide \nvaluable memories by which the experience itself \nmay be at least partially reproduced. Any verse \nof Scripture, any rhythm of poetry, that has pro- \nduced unusual illumination, any text associated \nwith a sermon that has brought about conviction, \nshould be treasured and learned. It can then be \nrecalled in time of spiritual torpor, and if mem- \nory carefully associates it with the circumstances \nunder which it was first the incident of the gen- \nuine spiritual feeling, it will have a remarkable \npower in bringing again that feeling. \n\nNot only memory, but hope may be used to \nenergize the religious feeling. The method by \nwhich hope is to be applied, is a definite medita- \ntion on the end to be obtained. The method of \napplying hope is to be used when the strength or \ncourage fails before an undertaking. This is \nthe method which Jesus used as he faced the fear- \nful agony of His passion and death. The High \nPriestly prayer, offered just before He crossed \nthe brook Kedron, going into the garden of the \nshadows, moves in the consciousness of the pas- \nsion and death and resurrection accomplished. \nHis last promise to his disciples before He en- \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 143 \n\ntered the garden was the assurance that he would \ngo before them into Galilee. Jesus gathered \nstrength for his supreme struggle, by a medita- \ntion on the purposes to be attained, by a dwell- \ning on the goodness of Galilee fellowship. He de- \nliberately put Himself down on the far side of His \nagony and struggle, and looked at it as if it were \naccomplished. When courage fails before an \nagony), or energy before fan undertaking, the \ndefinite method of obtaining spiritual help, is a \nmeditation from the far side of the agony or the \nundertaking. This method of applying hope is \nunconsciously practiced; it should be definitely \nrecognized and the practice of it learned by every \npartaker of the promises. \n\nBoth memories and meditations are doubled \nin value if they can be ready in the consciousness \nto be used when they are needed. They can only \nbe ready in consciousness if they have come out \nof the experience and need of the individual. \n\nAs specialized exercises are needed for weak- \nness of the body, and as a specialized medicine \nis needed in sickness, so specialized help and ex- \npert council are needed in the formation of habits \nof devotion. Comparatively few have a sufficient \ngrip on the principles of association and medita- \ntion to apply them to themselves. \n\nThe failure of almost all methods of arranging \ndevotions is that they are based upon the calen- \ndar, or upon the religious year, or upon the uni- \nversal Sunday School lesson, rather than upon \n\n\n\n144 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nthe needs of the individual. The general menu \nmay help to remind us what is in the market, but \nit fails to be of much assistance in catering to the \nappetite and needs of the individual. In the \nsame way, the general menu of the Sunday School \nlesson, or the consecutive reading of a given Book \nof the Bible, may fail to provide the spiritual ex- \nercises needed for the worry, the nervousness, the \nstruggle, or the sickness of the day. While no \nchurch could undertake to select the daily spirit- \nual menu, it could yet clearly teach the people \nhow their needs can be most genuinely supplied, \nand could help them to form for themselves the \nhabits of vital devotion. When the church learns \nto make individual adjustments of spiritual exer- \ncises, it will find an almost inexhaustible market \nfor its services. The demand for the services of \nthe church fails, not because they are not good \nand useful services, but because they are so gen- \neral that the individual fails in appropriating \nthem. \n\nThe accent upon public worship as a method \nof practicing the presence of God, is only a little \nmore than half as great as that upon private de- \nvotions. When it is considered that public wor- \nship includes singing, preaching, prayer-meeting \nand testimony meetings of all kinds, the question \nwill be asked, "Are we not devoting too much en- \nergy to the public service, and too little to pri- \nvate devotions?" \n\nThis question should not be superficially an- \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 145 \n\nswered. Because there is a special relish for \nstrawberries, it may not be wise to banish meat \nand potatoes from the diet. If the public serv- \nices are looked upon as meals, and the members \nof the household of faith are assembled to partake \nof them, as the children are summoned to assemble \naround the family table, no mistakes will be made \nas to the relative importance of the various fac- \ntors. It is not wholesome to constantly eat \nalone ; neither is it wholesome to constantly wor- \nship alone. Where there are two or three con- \ngenial friends, there is comfort and there is rich- \nness of fellowship. Jesus says where two or three \nare gathered together there am I in the midst. \nThe "two-or-three" meetings may provide rich- \nness of fellowship. A great banquet provides in- \nspiration and that genial warmth of the social \nspirit which is generated by numbers of one mind \nin one place. A great Supper of the Soul pro- \nvides inspiration and a genial glow, that atmos- \nphere in which the united efforts of public better- \nment are undertaken. \n\nIf the public services are the meals of the \nhousehold, the wise caretaker of the family table \nwill provide a variety, will remember the various \npreferences of the individuals, and supply them in \nseason, but will also provide on the whole sub- \nstantial and carefully wrought upon services, at \nregular intervals. As the housemother gets her \nbest reward when her meals are eaten with appe- \ntite and forgotten, so the housemother of the soul \n\n\n\n146 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ngets his best reward, when his services are at- \ntended with satisfaction, assimilated to the soul\'s \nhealth and forgotten. \n\n3. Service. Only twenty mention that follow- \ning service do they have the afterglow of that \nservant who hears the "Well done" of his beloved \nmaster. Yet we know that to establish and make \npermanent any redeeming emotion, it must be ex- \npressed in an activity. To obtain the twenty \nmentions of service, all forms of service from giv- \ning to the poor to Sunday School teaching, had* \nto be included. In two cases it is claimed that \nthe writer did not know by experience what was \nself-sacrifice. In a number of expressions may be \ndetected a certain scorn of looking for any re- \nward of service. In no case was Christian gener- \nosity or attendance upon the services of the \nchurch looked upon as service, with the exception \nof Sunday School teaching. The self-denial men- \ntioned is the giving up of some pleasure or de- \nsired social indulgence, rather than money or time \ncontributions. \n\nThe wage of joy in payment for service is \nnearly lost out of the lives of the people. It is \nas rare as conscious thankfulness for daily food. \nSo far are we lifted above the margin of sub- \nsistence, that the universal feeling is that we \nshould have daily food as a right rather than as \na bounty. If for any cause the daijy food is \nshortened as to quantity or variety, there is the \nbitter cry of injustice or wrong done somewhere. \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 147 \n\nThe habit of giving fervid thanks before and \nafter a scant meal is lost. The stimulus of \nthankfulness as an aid to digestion is also lost. \nSince digestion waits on appetite, and appetite is \nstimulated by thankful contentment, it may be \npointed out that one of the causes of the modern \ninability to rejoice and digest its more abundant \nfood is the failure to feel thankful. \n\nUpon this analogy it may be seen why the wage \nof joy for service is largely lost out of the lives \nof the people. The church fails to give thanks \nand to rejoice over the ordinary gifts of main- \ntenance, both of money and of time. It is a mis- \ntake to put the whole maintenance of the church \nupon the debt-paying basis, for joy does not \nfollow the paying of a debt. The contributions \nof the people should be received as gifts, and any \ngift that is brought into the house of the Lord \nshould be the occasion of rejoicing and thanksgiv- \ning. If the people should feel genuinely thank- \nful for the daily food, the church should rejoice \nand return thanks for the weekly envelope, it \nshould recognize and honor the contributions of \ntime and attention given to the maintenance of its \nservices. The failure on the part of the church \nto rejoice and give thanks for service has brought \nabout the condition where in an age of greatest \nChristian generosity there is the least conscious \nreceiving of the wage of joy for service. As the \ngiving of thanks, even before a scant meal, pro- \nmotes digestion, so the giving of the wage of re- \n\n\n\n148 THE PILOT FLAME \n\njoicing even for scant contributions, aids in the \nmore effective reception of the spiritual meals of \nthe church. No cold rights of debt collecting \nshould be claimed by the church, for by so doing \nshe fails to pay the wage of joy for service. No \nsuperior scorn for the rewards of service should \nbe encouraged. The laborer is worthy of his hire \nin every phase of life, and service of the Lord \nshould get its wage of joy. The following testi- \nmony is the best example we have of the kind of \nfeeling that should normally follow service. \n\n"I have had many experiences, nearly all upon \nrendering some service, or when I have sacrificed my- \nself that I might by so doing aid somebody who \nseemed to need it more. Then I have had God\'s \npresence in a very marked manner, and have been \nvery happy." \n\n4. Crises of the Interior Life. Not so fre- \nquently as in the former generations are sorrow \nand calamity the source of a deeper sanctifica- \ntion. Bitterness and discouragement naturally \nfollow upon an economic calamity; only when \nwrought upon by the Christian spirit does \ncalamity become the teacher of cheerful patience \nand renewing courage. Many roots of bitter- \nness remain in Christian lives, which springing \nup make of no avail the benefits of the promises. \nStill there are some whose deep distress is sancti- \nfied unto them, as is shown in the following testi- \nmonies : \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 149 \n\n"At a time of great sorrow, when I had received \na telegram telling me my father was dead, when I was \nsobbing in frenzy, a great and holy calm fell on my \nheart. Many times in difficulty I have felt led by \nGod, and have been directed by prayer and by read- \ning the Bible/\' \n\n"My daughter was dying, and I was anxious that \nshe have a clear experience before she passed away. \nIn my praying to this end, Christ appeared to be \nvery near to me. My prayers were answered, and \nmy daughter was reconciled to death." \n\nIn several cases of grave sickness and upon the \ntaking of an anesthetic, it was vividly realized that \nunderneath were the everlasting arms. \n\n5 and 6. In Thought and in Nature. It may \nbe surprising that these two methods of feeling \nthe illumination of God\'s presence should re- \nceive a considerable accent. They may be said \nto be the modern methods. The tremendous de- \nvelopment of the authority of thinking, makes it \nuseful to be able to affirm that a man can find \nGod by thinking after Him as well as by feeling \nafter Him. In ten cases it is mentioned that \nclear and careful thinking upon some of the great \ndoctrines of the relationship of God had brought \nthe perception of his presence. In student Bible \nclasses where discussion was the method of teach- \ning a number knew that He was in the midst. \nThe following are two such expressions: \n\n"I can best worship God through thought. He \nseems to me nearer ; although if it is quiet around me, \n\n\n\n150 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nI get good from prayer. More and more I feel a \ndesire to read the Bible." \n\n"My most real sense of the presence of God comes \nfrom private study of the Bible. It has always been \nmy source of inspiration. I am getting much from \nreal thinking, and from quiet talks with a dear friend.\'* \n\nLifting up the eyes unto the hills and consider- \ning the heavens, does produce a feeling of as- \nsociation with the master-workman. This as- \nsociation in some cases is so intense as to approach \na doctrine of pantheism. Because of this danger \nof teaching a doctrine of pantheism the possi- \nbility of finding God in association with his works \nhas not been so generally encouraged. If this \ndanger is to be avoided, we must have a clear doc- \ntrine of association rather than of pantheism. \n\nWhat is that presence that the poet feels hov- \nering so near the flower in the crannied wall, and \nthat most of us can detect above the splendid ex- \npansiveness of a wide view, or in the overwhelming \nmajesty of a mountain peak crowned with eternal \nsnow? Is it a presence some of us love to come \nupon in the mysterious recesses of the great for- \nests? Has it a personality, that finger we feel \nwe can almost touch in the glory of the great \nabysses? That witchery of life that tumbles with \nthe cataracts, is it a delusion? Is it not an as- \nsociation ? \n\nWhen a thing is made and completed, it is cut \noff from the maker. He has no further power \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 151 \n\nover it. Watch the man blowing glass for win- \ndows. Through the long blow-pipe, the breath \nof his body enters into the glowing ball of molten \nglass. The mass expands and grows until it \nis a great cylinder. Blowing, swinging, forming, \nhe truly made it. But when the cylinder has \npassed on to the flattener, his relationship to it is \nended. The glass-blower does not interfere with \nthe glass in my window; his breath does not ani- \nmate it, nor does he keep it from getting broken. \nNevertheless he made it, and if I am not satisfied \nwith seeing the glass in the window, but want to \ntrace it back to its origin, I cannot explain it \nwithout admitting that the glass-blower made it. \nIn the same way God made the world; the breath \nof his purpose went into it; the ultimate nature \nof things requires God the maker, just as the \nglass requires the blower. On that first Satur- \nday night, after the week of toil in making the \nworld, it is said that the heavens and earth were \nfinished and all the hosts of them, and God saw \neverything that he had made and behold it was \nvery good. God viewed his work with satisfac- \ntion, just as a glass-blower might pause for a \nmoment in going out on Saturday night, and view \nwith satisfaction a car-load of glass finished and \ngoing out into the world to its intended useful- \nness. \n\nWhen you see a window glass, you generally \nthink nothing about the blower. His work may \nhave required a considerable degree of skill, but \n\n\n\n152 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nhe blows many cylinders an hour, day after day, \nso that there is behind his work no great degree \nof idea or personality. The machines are even \nnow taking over his work, and mind that is be- \nhind the making of the glass is further banished. \nBut when you see a rarely beautiful piece of cut \nglass, through which the light shimmers in a \nthousand rainbows, you think of the skill of the \nmaker; his hand comes nearer. If you yourself \nwere a glass-cutter, and were shown a mag- \nnificently perfect piece of work, you would recog- \nnize in the work the master of the craft which \nyou followed. By looking at the perfection of \nthe work which you longed to do and could not, \nyou might even come to love the master workman \nyou had never seen. In the perfect piece of work, \nyour mind would meet the master-mind. Through \nyour craft of glass-cutting you would come into \na kind of relationship. Occasionally you meet a \ncutter who with reverent pride will show you a \npiece he has cut after the manner of some mas- \nter craftsman of the old world. By trying to \ncut after the perfect pattern, association brings \nknowledge of the master-mind. \n\nWhen you behold a cataract, shimmering with \nits myriad rainbows, more largely beautiful than \nany piece of cut glass, the ideal of what is beauti- \nful in you rushes out to greet the realization \nof beauty from under the hand of the master \nworkman. In the perfection of his skill, your \nmind greets his, and in the excellent glory of \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 153 \n\nthe things which he has made, you know Him. \n\nThis doctrine of knowing the mind of God by \nappreciating his work, gets strength when it is \nconsidered that Jesus described his oneness with \nGod, as consisting of knowledge of God. As ap- \npreciation of the best in music and in art is cul- \nture, so appreciation of the best creative work- \nmanship may be devotion. \n\nVery simple people may have this apprecia- \ntion, men who arise early to deliver milk and \nwho see the dawn, men who are making the sur- \nveys of the wilderness, or who are protecting the \nnatural resources. Three such young men write \n\nas follows: \n\ni \n\n"My life in the mountains and wilderness section \nof the state, makes it impossible for me to attend \nany church. But the hills seem to me to be more \ntruly His temples than those built by men; indeed, \nthe city churches have seemed to me temples of con- \nventional forms rather than temples of religion and \nbrotherly love." \n\n"I find my greatest blessing or feeling of nearness \nof God when I think of his wonderful works. I feel \nhis love more abundantly at such times." \n\n"Sometimes in the evening as the stars are out in \nall their beauty and I stroll out somewhere, I look \nup and can almost feel I am able to talk directly to \nGod. Then, again, as I have seen men\'s lives touched \nby some power divine, it draws me toward Him. \nBible study and personal meditation also mean much \nto me." \n\n\n\n154 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nThe following testimony shows an appreciation \nof the privacy of the stars. The man who loves \nthis privacy is one whose business is in a great \nhotel through which roars the traffic of the city. \n\n"I get my greatest blessing when alone with God. \nWhen trials specially heavy come, I always take a \nwalk. Under the stars, alone with God I fight it out, \nand get a victory which comes in no other way to me. \nThese experiences do me more good than anything \nelse. Preaching does not move me often, and I shrink \nfrom testimony. Each day I have to fight the same \nbattle over again, and I know I must continue to do so \nto the end. Self will assert itself, and I need to keep \na close watch." \n\nFor a look into the normal devotional habits \nof the people, a number of little testimonies are \nquoted, showing how the methods of realizing God \nare generally grouped, with that tremendous ac- \ncent on private devotions. \n\n"Prayerful meditation is most helpful. At times \nof great trial I have found God closer and more real. \nI do not get much help out of testimony meetings." \n\n"Private reading of the Bible brings me nearest to \nGod, although I am often thrilled by prayer, testi- \nmony and preaching. My faith is strengthened most \nby reading the biographies of modern workers, and \nby contact with vigorous Christians." \n\n"I have felt God\'s presence as a result of self- \nsacrifice, and in the study of nature, but I think I \n\n\n\nTHE PRESENCE OF GOD 155 \n\nhave had the keenest sense of his presence in private \ndevotions and in prayer." \n\n"When I go tired and blue to prayer-meeting, I \nam nearly always refreshed. I feel God nearest \nwhen singing, especially the old hymns. I find Him \nvery near in testimony." \n\n"My most vivid experiences have come when I have \ntruly said, \'Thy will be done.\' I get my most real \nsense that God is present in private reading of the \nBible." \n\n"I find God\'s presence nearest when in communion \nwith Him in prayer, especially in the ministry of \nintercession. My greatest uplift is meeting with \na few who have on their hearts some particular per- \nson to plead for." \n\n"I feel the reality of God most deeply when in \nprayer with a few fellow workers." \n\n"Christ\'s presence is made manifest in various ways, \nbut less often on account of direct prayer than from \nprayerful contemplation, when I seem to commune \ndirectly with Him." \n\nHere are two of the exuberant Christians, \nwhose word is added in order to have the full \nrange of the methods of devotion. \n\n"I cannot say that there is any special way in \nwhich I get the most real sense of God\'s presence, \nfor to me he is present in everything, and the feeling \nwhich comes to me in his Divine presence is such \nthat I cannot find language to express it. He has \nwonderfully answered my prayers again and again." \n\n"At any time in the day I can turn my heart to \n\n\n\n156 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nGod and feel the reality of his presence, although \nI have had several specially vivid experiences." \n\nThe wide range of testimonies will make clear \nthe fact that relationship to God is a personal re- \nlationship, capable of being realized under many \naspects. \n\nIf a number of men should be asked when they \nhave the most real sense of possession in their \nwife and family, one would say: "When we are \ngathered around a cozy little dinner, all well and \nhappy together"; another: "When my business \nis difficult and I must strain every nerve to suc- \nceed, the spur is the sense of doing it for my \nfamily"; another: "When I make some personal \nsacrifice that my wife and children may be bene- \nfited;" and another: "When I saw my child die, \nthen I realized my possession and my loss." \nThere would be found a number who would say, \n"I carry about with me always the sense of my \nwife and family; they are the background of my \nthought all the time, on my mind and heart, so \nthat one time is not very different from another." \nAccording to our temperament, or maybe more \naccurately according to the accidents of our ex- \nperience, we realize our affection in our family; \nafter the same fashion we have possession in our \nGod. \n\n\n\nCHAPTER V \nTHE LETTERED AND THE LEARNED \n\nAt a recent Wesleyan Conference, Mrs. Hugh \nPrice Hughes of the West London Mission, made \nthis plea for Christian testimony: "Testimony \nof the right sort goes right to the heart of peo- \nple who sit unmoved throughout any amount of \nChristian apologetics. I myself realized personal \nreligion through the personal testimony of a lit- \ntle girl friend \xe2\x80\x94 the daughter of Benjamin Hel- \nlier \xe2\x80\x94 who told me of what Jesus Christ had done \nfor her. One girl I know of in London, rescued \nfrom the depths of infamy, has gone among other \ngirls of the same sort, and has built up a whole \nclass-meeting of such cases. What I want to \nplead for is that the work of personal witnesses \nfor Jesus should not be left to the unlettered and \nthe unlearned." \n\nIn answer to this plea, which is the voice for \nvery many who are called to work not in the slums, \nbut among the average people, the following testi- \nmonies are offered. Each of the testimonies in \nthis chapter comes from a man who has, in his, \nown experience, sustained the shock of material- \nism; each is from a man who occupied a profes- \nsor\'s chair in a state university; not in a sec- \ntarian school. In quoting the experiences, the \n157 \n\n\n\n158 THE PILOT FLAME \n\npersonalities of the men providing them have been \nso thinly veiled, that they will be readily recog- \nnized by all who have known them, and the testi- \nmonies will come with the strength, of a speaking \nvoice. \n\nNot all the testimonies from the men of the \nuniversity faculties are included in this chapter. \nStrong streams of living Christian influence flow \ndown from the lives of many professors in state \nuniversities. Their testimony is the stronger, be- \ncause they are removed from any suspicion of \nprofessional necessity. The testimonies selected \nillustrate the two distinct types of experience, \nand incidentally they very nearly cover the de- \npartments of university instruction. \n\nAn educator friend, fresh from a pilgrimage \nto Harvard and to Columbia universities, came to \nsit with me a few days on my porch last summer. \nAlthough we had met occasionally on the surface, \nit had been nearly twenty years since I had \ngreeted his soul. At the close of our student days \ntogether at Stanford University, we had parted \nin alienation. The final judgment of this friend \nupon me was that I must be a hypocrite. All \naround the Stanford Quadrangle we sat in class- \nrooms together, and in every one of them was \nbeing taught some phase of materialistic evolu- \ntion. How could I know what I must know to en- \nable me to pass blithely all the quizzes, and yet \nhave the presumption to cling to the memory of \na youthful emotional experience. To declare \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 159 \n\nthat God had called me to the Christian ministry, \nand to determine even at great financial sacrifice, \nthat I was under some fantastic obligation to \nundertake this humiliating work, was, in his opin- \nion, to exhibit myself still bound in the swaddling \nbands of the dark ages of superstition. My little \nexperience was sneered out of argument as evi- \ndence, and I shut it up in silence. Yet all the \ntime it ruled and dispatched my actions. The \nenergy of that experience had taken me out of the \nwoods where I was cutting logs on the old New \nHampshire farm; it had dispatched me through \nthe preparatory school and two universities, and \nwithout any great friction or privations, had pro- \nvided bed and board and books all along the way. \nIn order that I might fitly contain and acceptably \npour out that experience to the people, I had \nbrought the clay of my earthen vessel, and de- \nposited it on the wheel of the universities that it \nmight be properly shaped. When that shaping \nwas accomplished, to refuse to put the vessel to \nits intended purpose would shock a necessary in- \ntegrity of my nature. \n\nMy friend classified me as destined to belong to \nthe Jesuitical species who clothe the people in the \nmoth-eaten garments of an outdated theology, \nwhile retaining for personal use the white robes of \npure truth. \n\nWe parted in alienation. I have written ser- \nmons enough to fill sixteen volumes in the shadow \nof the determination never to preach anything \n\n\n\n160 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nbeyond what I intellectually believed. During the \nearly years this friend came once to hear me \npreach. He reported at alma mater that I looked \npretty and told the people to be good. He may \nhave been justified in the sneer. My first sermon \nwas from the text "He went about doing good." \nI have reproduced this sermon with many varia- \ntions. \n\nTwenty years soften alienations, and enrich the \nmemories of affections. Wistfully I welcomed \nmy friend to sit upon my porch. Carefully I \navoided the depths ; I displayed my family ; I dis- \nplayed my participation in social betterments, \nthose strenuous and thankless works that ought \nto earn a wage of universal respect. \n\nMy friend had changed in his attitude toward \nme. I seemed to shake off the old accusation of \nbeing a hypocrite, and to be stimulated by an un- \nexpected respect. He spoke of the practice of \nreligion as that "strange necessity of the peo- \nple." He said that the maintenance of the com- \nmunion, with the practice of having the people \ncome forward and kneel when it was received, un- \ndoubtedly had the best authority of psychology \nbehind it, because an interior state was expressed \nin a related action. With a research interest, he \ninquired as to my success in making an activity \nfollow an emotion. \n\nI was so cheered with these crumbs from under \nthe table of the banquet of knowledge, that by \nthe second day, I began eagerly inquiring as to \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 161 \n\nthe method of serving the courses at the great \nbanqueting tables. From the discourses of my \nfriend, I gathered a number of conceptions as to \nthe progress of the last twenty years. When we \nsat together at the banqueting table, the favorite \nflavoring of the courses was physiology; now the \nfavorite flavoring is psychology. But it is not \nthe laboratory investigation, reaction time, case \ncounting psychology we knew, but a new brand. \nYet the psychology of our day laid the founda- \ntion for the new, because it made the demonstra- \ntion that not thought but feeling dispatched ac- \ntivities. The new flavor is the comprehension of \nfeeling. The new exploration is of that unknown \ncellar of the soul from which feeling arises. The \nnew investigation asks in what aspects feeling \nmay be said to be a more reliable guide to con- \nduct than a reasoned process. And the reach of \npositive culture is the study of how the volume \nand dispatching energy of the desirable varieties \nof emotion may be increased. \n\nAs one who feels himself old, my friend ac- \nknowledged that it was strange and difficult for \nhim to find his way around in the world of feeling, \nand to rethink a scheme of things which eliminated \nthe time element. On the last day of sitting to- \ngether on my porch, he told that as an act of de- \nvotion he was consecrating his Sunday evenings \nto the preparation of a manual for teachers, \nshowing them the meditative and association proc- \nesses by which they could get more fresh energy \n\n\n\n162 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nof feeling into their work. Wistfully he explained \nthat teachers needed the warm stream of devo- \ntion turned into their lives; that they needed en- \nthusiasm in their somewhat barren work, even as \nmuch as they needed increased pay. \n\nWhen this bread from off the banqueting tables \nof high knowledge had been given me, I exuber- \nated with joy. My hot emotions came pouring \nout. I felt that tingling joy of a new morning. \nThere surged up in my consciousness the feeling \nof fifteen years ago, when working in a frontier \nparish, I discovered out of a box of new books \nfrom Germany, that archeology had turned the \nflank of higher criticism, and that henceforth I \nwas released to preach the old Book with greater \nconfidence and authority. \n\nFor the first time in twenty years I felt that I \ncould wrap the scholar\'s gown about me, and find \nin it warmth and comfort, and that the wearing \nof it would put helpful authority behind my ef- \nforts to get my people forward into the promised \nland of better Christian attainment. \n\nHas not the time come to bring out of silence \nthe religious experiences that were vital enough \nto creep out from under the great stone of ma- \nterialism which was let down upon them, vital \nenough to put up some shoots and to manage to \nlive, even with the weight of the great stone \nupon their roots? During twelve years of the \npastoral care of two large churches whose affilia- \ntions are with two state universities, my own \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 163 \n\nfaith has gotten its sap from the men on the \nfaculties who have been members and sympathetic \nworkers in my churches. At least one from every \ndepartment of study and investigation, I have \nknown intimately ; they have been the friends who \nsit down by my fireside and eat my apples. All \nrestraints of publicity being removed, I have in- \nquired of them confidentially if they had any per- \nceptions of themselves as hypocrites. \n\nThere was the Man in Zoology, he who had \nskill in getting little echinoid hearts hung on \nglass hooks, and in keeping them beating in a \nchemical solution. He handled with his hands the \nword of knowledge in the origins of life. Yet at \nthe church door he was a hearty gladhander, and \nhe enjoyed singing in the chorus when there were \nspecial meetings. \n\nOne evening he rang my study bell in the \nmidst of a storm. He thought he would catch me \nin, and we would have a good talk. When, welded \nby the storm without and the privacy within, we \nhad come to good confidence, I said, "Tell me, you \nMan in Zoology, how do you get along with this \nmatter of your religion. You seem to be thor- \noughly enjoying religion, and thoroughly work- \ning at science, and I can\'t detect, any conflict \ngoing on in your interior?" \n\nThe Man in Zoology stretched himself comfort- \nably before the fire, with the peace of an onlooker \nupon a conflict, and said, \xe2\x80\x94 "It is the fellows \nhigher up in the theoretic departments who create \n\n\n\n164 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nthat conflict. We men in Zoology who are work- \ning on the foundations, know how uncertain they \nare, and so we don\'t build any tall towers upon \nthem for ourselves. Just to-day my chief came \nout of his private laboratory, and told us that he \nhad concluded that after ten years of work, he \nwas on the wrong scent for the fact in the origin \nof life he was tracking. We admired him for his \ncourage when he managed to smile, and to tell us \nthat we would clear out all the apparatus of the \nexperiments and begin over again. \n\n"I don\'t see any necessity of attempting to live \nin an unfinished house. I passed one next door to \nyou here, that was as far as the rafters, and the \nrain was beating in and the wind whistling \nthrough. That is science. \n\n"Religion is a much lived in old house, and it \nis home to me. My father was a preacher, the \nhearty kind that had revivals. I was converted \nat one of his meetings, and it was a genuine and \ngood experience. Nothing I have ever known has \nfelt so good as the rejoicing around me that \nnight. The care with which father got me ready \nto join the church made a true transition from \nchildhood into life. Church folks are my folks, \nand I like them. \n\n"I like going to church on Sunday mornings, \nas I do the Sunday dinners my mother used to \nbring out of the oven. Fifteen years I have been \nliving in boarding houses, and have been receiving \nmy lukewarm portion of course dinners. Now, I \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 165 \n\nwill tell you what I came down for this evening. \nI am going to have for my very own, forever and \never, the nicest girl in your congregation. I am \nhoping she will have whole chickens and big dishes \nof mashed potatoes for Sunday dinners ; I have \nhad course dinners enough. The church, the girl \nand the Sunday dinners create in me that warm \nglow of happiness which means home. I never \nget such feelings out of the finest laboratories in \nthe world with the sea water running through \nthem. \n\n"Yes, my dear pastor, I will have another \napple. I like eating apples by your study fire, \nand having some one to talk to who understands \nabout my girl. When I have obtained the girl \nand the study fire, in memory of you, I will sup- \nport an apple box of my own. When I find fel- \nlows bilious with doubt, I will bring them in and \nfeed them apples." \n\nMy Man in Zoology peeled a long circling \npeeling with the deft precision of his dissecting \nhands, and we agreed that it should go on the \ncoals, because we liked the fragrance of a sizzling \npeeling. As he munched he continued: \n\n"You remember Longfellow\'s Excelsior boy, \nwho carried the banner with a strange device \nthrough snow and ice? He scorned the valleys \nwhere the hearth fires glowed, and where the even- \ning lamps of home were lighted. And finally he \nperished in the night and the cold, out there alone \nby himself. A big dog had to go out and bring \n\n\n\n166 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nin the body. My respect goes to the big dog and \nnot to the fool boy. If you are going to make \nany useful Excelsior excursions amid the snow \nand ice of the mountain tops of unascertained \nknowledge, you must have a home base in the \nvalley. The old romantic scheme of discovering \nthe north pole was after the pattern of the Ex- \ncelsior boy. The Excelsior boys all perished in \nthe snow, while the conquest of the pole is ob- \ntained by the faithful building of snow houses to \nsleep in, having the grub on hand, and the back \ntrack kept open. We who are pursuing the \nnorth poles of knowledge, have no need of mak- \ning ourselves lonely ; the best preparation for a \ndash amid snow and ice is to get full of warmth \nand cheer by the fires of home." \n\nAfter some months my Man in Zoology received \nhis promotion to another great University; there \nwas a homelike wedding, with a whole chicken din- \nner, and he departed with the nicest girl in the \ncongregation. The other day, we received the \n"stork" card and my mind went back to the rainy \nnight by my study fire. Friends of passage tell \nme that he has "folks" in the great church that \nstands by the university, and "folks" among the \nstudents. From the stream that flows out of his \ninterior life, "folks" feel the hearth fires of home \nand the evening lamp, and the sustaining strength \nof that old house of living that is builded on a \nsure foundation; they are not frosted with Ex- \ncelsior snow and ice, nor forced out into those \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 167 \n\ndesolate wastes that are not yet made ready for \n"folks" to dwell in. \n\nThat hearty father who believed in revivals, \nwho saw his boy converted at his own altar, who \ncarefully prepared him to join the church, and \nthat wholesome mother who followed the church \nservice with a good dinner, succeeded in lighting \nin their boy\'s soul the pilot flame of faith and \nhope, all bound about with the associations of af- \nfection. He is set now in the midst of forming \nlife ; from his interior life and conviction flow \nstreams of living influence. Because the pilot \nflame is lighted, the streams of influence flow out \nwarm. Affectionate association is able to keep \nthe pilot flame burning, and to heat up even the \ncold waters of Zoology. \n\nMy Man in Physics was one of those on whom \nthe lot fell to do the sustaining drudgery of the \nuniversity. He put the freshman class through \nthe laboratory courses. He did the kneading for \nthe great batches of bread-baking. Solid and \naccurate, he was, able to explain to the utter- \nmost, able to show the point in Physics where as- \ncertained knowledge ends and guessing and imagi- \nnation begins. In the Sunday School he taught \na Bible class, and he always stayed for the morn- \ning service. \n\nWhen the sermon would be going at a good \ngait, and the time had come when I needed some \nsustaining warmth for a lift, I would look to the \nlight on his strong face. His expression was that \n\n\n\n168 THE PILOT FLAME \n\n"yea, yea" of sympathetic appreciation which a \nspeaker craves for the dispatching energy to lift \na crowd of people. He had an invalid wife and a \ngarden and to both he gave that rich devotion \nwhich is expressed in minute care and the high \njoy of giving. \n\nWhen classes were out, I liked lingering in his \nlaboratory, and getting all the wealth of his force \nof instruction concentrated on me. He would \nshow me the choice apparatus, and tell me what it \ndemonstrated. With the words of accuracy upon \nthe crossing places of the application, he showed \nme how the conclusion, which is called the law of \nthe conservation of energy, is the one basis of the \nwhole modern attitude which looks upon the uni- \nverse as an interplay of natural forces. Some- \nwhat troubled, he told me that the men in Physics \nrather shuddered at being made to shoulder the \nwhole responsibility of applying this law to his- \ntory and to sociology, for he said, we are not sure \nthat the conclusion covers the universe. \n\nI put to him the question I wanted answered by \nthe man who knew. "Does your most accurate \nknowledge of electricity make it a concept like \nour concept of spirit, or more like our concept of \nmatter?" \n\nAnd he replied, "Electricity gets less like mat- \nter, the more we know of it. It transcends the \nearlier conceptions of force, and easily leads \nyour mind off into vast regions where time \nand distance and the stepping stones of \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 169 \n\nmatter are eliminated. It is undoubtedly the \nmodern analogy by which we can understand \nspirit." \n\nMy Man in Physics lent me the books on elec- \ntricity that a layman could read and understand. \nWith his careful accuracy he showed me the \nanalogy; he showed me how to make the con- \nnections, so that now I can light my churches \nwith the inspiration of this conception. He \nshowed me how readily the age of electricity might \nbe the forerunner of the age of the spirit. He \nset me the task of studying the spirit as he studies \nelectricity. He said it was more important to \nknow it in appliance, than in absolute essence. \nThe spirit bloweth were it listeth; you do not \nneed to discuss whence it comes or whither it goes, \nbut you need to erect stations where it can strike. \nWherever it strikes, you can study it, and you can \nlearn to apply it as the great illuminating force \nin the lives of the people. \n\n"With the same tolerance," he said, "with which \nI ride on street cars and punch a button when I \nenter my room, regardless of my inability to ex- \nplain the ultimate nature of electricity, I avail \nmyself of any impressions of illumination of the \nspirit which can reach me. I know you are long- \ning to turn on the spirit with as much accuracy \nas you do the electric light in your church. I \nsympathetically recognize your difficulties in deal- \ning with the souls of men. Not only does the \nconnection have to be established in each case, but \n\n\n\n170 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nthe receiving stations are generally kept closed by \nthe will." \n\nIt was my Man in Physics who made me see \nthat the point upon which I should focus accurate \nstudy was the place where the spirit strikes. It \nwas this purpose that set me to collecting the re- \nligious experiences of my people, to arranging \nthem into types, so that it might be possible to \nsee what was the normal type and what were the \nvariations to be allowed for in the individual. It \nwas my Man in Physics who made me see that the \nage of electricity means an age of convenient ap- \npliances that make manifest a power which al- \nready exists. He it was that set me a-toiling for \nthe age of spirituality, which shall mean all the \nsouls of men normally open for the spirit to strike \nupon and a ready connecting up of the spirit \nwith the activities which are the arc light on a \nslum corner. A number of sermons came out of \nthe fellowship of the Man in Physics, and the \nsermons are like this: Every time there surges \nup into your consciousness an impulse to lift on \nanother\'s burden and carry it on your own back; \nevery time there surges up the warm memory of a \ngood father or a good mother, which holds you \nback from vice or meanness ; every time you feel \nyourself energized by a great and beneficent pur- \npose; then know that it is the voice of God, call-\' \ning your station. Arise! Receive the message! \n\nFrom the sympathetic study of the religious \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 171 \n\nexperiences of all my people, from the heads of \nuniversity departments, down through students, \nbusiness and professional men, mothers, weary \nhousehold drudges, country people whose hands \nare so misshapen with heavy toil that they can- \nnot wield a pen, and minds so untrained that they \ncannot spell the simplest words, I am forced to \nthe conclusion that the religious experience has \nsome fundamental qualities in common. It is al- \nways an upburst of warm emotionality. It is al- \nways perceived as something from outside, as if a \nblow upon a rock had opened up an unexpected \nspring. \n\nIn many cases, the vividness with which the re- \nligious experience is remembered stands out like \na bolt of lightning across a sky. Hardly would \nany skeptic be found to deny the reality of ro- \nmantic devotion between men and women ; the \nAmerican home is established upon the belief that \nthis experience is quite definite, and may be \ncounted upon to be nearly universal. Yet by \nactual test I have found that more people in mid- \ndle life can remember with vivid detail y the inci- \ndents of their religious experience than can re- \nmember the incidents of their courtship. \n\nThe difference between the trained and the Un- \ntrained mind, is that the trained mind can lumi- \nnously describe its experience, while the untrained \nmind is dependent for its expression on well-worn \nphrases. There is no religion of a mature mind. \nGenuine feeling has no age. It is always youth- \n\n\n\n172 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nful. Yet the mature mind can provide the lumi- \nnous description. \n\nThe following is such a description. It is the \nbirth story of a large and gracious personality. \nThe marvel of this man is the way in which hard \nexperiences have made him mellow. He has \nknown personal sorrow and tragic loss by death, \nso that he, a man of rich affections, has no home \nof his own. He grows flowers of beautiful \nloyalty over a grave. On the matter of a con- \nviction, he is the stuff of which martyrs are made. \nFor liberty of speech, he once sacrificed his life \nwork and his professional standing, and went out \nin middle life not knowing whither he should go. \nThe strength of his ability quickly restored him. \nFor twenty years he has had a long lever under \nthe educational system of a backward state, and \nhe never takes his pressure off that lever. At \nevery commencement he is demanded by high \nschools for the address. He is the head of the \nDepartment of English. \n\nIn the church, he is as large a factor as the \npreacher. He is on hand. He will take all of \nhis excellent efficiency, and give his valuable time, \nand sympathetically focus himself on a revival ef- \nfort. Many there are who have considerable \nmore confidence in him and in the authority of his \nChristian life than they have in themselves. We \nnever any of us heard him tell of his own interior \nlife. But when he knew that we genuinely \nwanted these\' interior experiences, he graciously \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 173 \n\nopened up the guarded casket of his own mem- \nories, brought out this gem, and gave it to me. \n\n"My early religious experience is so vivid in my \nmemory to-day that I can recall those days and weeks, \nincident by incident. These experiences may stand \nout more clearly because I have so often called them \nup for critical examination. There have been times \nwhen I have thought that they should be accounted \nfor on natural grounds. I have essayed the task, \nbut with no satisfactory results. I have read Pro- \nfessor James\'s \'Varieties of the Religious Experience\' \nand know that my experiences were typical. I have \ncome to believe that such phenomena can be accounted \nfor only on the ground that at such times the human \nsoul is opened to the inflowing of the spirit of God. \nAt such times the door is wide open; at other times \nwe cannot or will not open it. \n\n"My earliest recollection is of my older brothers \nand sisters telling me how our mother, gone beyond \nthen, took them often into an inner room and knelt \nand prayed with them. In my boyhood, my idea of \nGod, of Jesus, of Judgment, of Heaven and of Hell, \nwere singularly realistic. I had seen death. It was \nthe most depressing thing in the world. I was fully \nconvinced that I must be converted before I could \nlook upon it without fear. I do not think that \nwhen I did turn, I was directly influenced by this \nfear, and yet I am sure that it was in the background \nof my consciousness. \n\n"When I was about fifteen there was a \'protracted \nmeeting\' at our church, and I attended regularly. It \nwas a noisy meeting. The preacher said that the \n\n\n\n174 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nspirit of God was present in power. I think it was. \nMy mind was focused on the thought of going for- \nward to the \'mourners\' bench\'; but I was unable to \ncome to a decision, until one night, as I stood about \nthe middle of the church, I was seized with a trem- \nbling. I commenced to weep violently. It seemed \nto me involuntary. A friend came and took me by \nthe hand and led me to the altar. I knelt silently \nthat night, and my emotions subsided somewhat. The \nnext night I returned to the altar, and was as demon- \nstrative as any of the \'mourners.\' I was praying and \npleading like the others, when about nine o\'clock, I \nlost consciousness. Suddenly I came to myself. I \nwas lying on my back behind the altar, my head held \nby a young man, whom I knew not very well, but for \nwhom I cherish even to this day, a very tender feel- \ning. He was with me when I passed over; he was \nkind and solicitous in that hour of darkness, and re- \njoiced with me when the light came. \n\n"I have no words to express the ecstasy of that \nmoment. The faces of the people seemed divinely \nbeautiful; the light was like a heavenly radiance. \nThe sensation of all life spreading into a calm seren- \nity, the sweet peace which fell upon me, seemed too \nglorious for earth. I remembered my fear of death; \nit was all gone. There was a joy, a contentment with \nliving, a permanent happiness, an overflowing feeling \nof good will to all the world, that left nothing fur- \nther to be desired. \n\n"I thought, of course, all Christians enjoy this in- \nfinite peace. I wondered why I had not heard more \nof it before. Later, I learned that the shadows and \nmists of the earth valleys cloud the open vision. One \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 175 \n\ndoes not always dwell in Eden. Coming are tempta- \ntion and struggle. My confession has not for its pur- \npose to deal with these. \n\n"For many days I went about almost in a trance. \nBefore I went to school, and on my return, I had the \ntask of strewing out fodder to a number of cattle. \nBehind the pile of fodder was my place of prayer. \nI cannot tell with what delight I looked forward to \nthose moments, and how great was the joy of my de- \nvotions. Often at night, I looked up at the stars and \nfelt a companionable nearness and understanding, I \nhad not known before. God was my God, and he \nwas very near. Often my emotion was so great, that \nI found relief in tears. This was apt to be the case \nwhen I would sing a revival song suggested by the \nglorious beauty of the starry heavens: \n\n" \'O there my precious treasure lies, \nAnd there my heart shall be; \nMy glorious home beyond the skies, \nThe heaven I long to see.\' \n\n\'As I look at it now, there was a very large meas- \nure of \'other-worldliness\' in this experience. We have \ncome to believe that in Christianity joy should grow \nout of service, and shouting should follow the gather- \ning of the harvest. Christianity could not save the \nworld if that were not the genius of its gospel, and \nyet let us not forget that the wise and loving \nFather \'who knoweth our frame\' has put into \nChristianity this mystical element, and that he smiles \non us, when drawn aside by a heavenly homesickness, \nwe see visions and dream dreams." \n\n\n\n176 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nJust at the point when the boy changes into \nthe man, and the stream of life\'s activities begins \nto be dispatched from the centers of interior con- \ntrols, the pilot flame of the conscious perception \nof God was lighted. Through all the years of \nbeing educated and of educating under the pres- \nsures of materialistic thinking, through personal \nsorrow and the public experiences which pessimize \nthe spirit, the stream of life\'s activities has flowed \nout warm with faith and courage. \n\nA more accurate account of the lighting of the \npilot flame in the climacterical type of the re- \nligious experience could hardly be found. We \nhave now to offer an equally accurate account of \nthe occasional type of experience, when it is \nreaized that God is in communication with the \nlife, but the beginning of this consciousness reaches \nso far back into childhood that its starting point \nis not remembered. The family ideals are af- \nfectionately affirmed, and individual conscious- \nness emerges so smoothly from childhood, that \nthere is no break or friction. \n\nThe Dean of the Wheels of the Whirling Age; \nDean of the Engineering College, he is called in \nthe university catalogue. His office is off the \nentrance hall of the great building full of strong \nwheels and fine wheels and flying bands, all vibrant \nwith applications of power. The Master of \nWheels is still a youngerly man, with the firm in- \nvestigating ways of a man who tests things; he \nsets his jaws like the wheels that have cogs, and \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 177 \n\nwhen his eyes fall on you, you perceive an appli- \ncation of power. His students respect the vast \nresources of his ability. \n\nOne evening when the students and instructors \nhad gone and the power was humming low, he \npushed back on his desk those schedules that have \nto do with cement and steel, with strengths and \nresistances, and wrote out for his pastor the \nmemories of childhood and of God. \n\n"I cannot remember the time when I did not recog- \nnize my responsibility to God and did not try to meet \nit. I cannot remember the time when Christ was not \nreal to me, so that I cannot point to any one single \nfact or circumstance that led me to Him. My alle- \ngiance to the King of Kings is explained by environ- \nment and early training, coupled with a natural dis- \nposition for study. I was a child who pondered great \nquestions. My memory reaches back to a little boy \nin dresses, who spelled out the scripture texts on the \nSunday School cards. I learned to read in this way. \nAt four I was letter perfect in the catechism. Never- \ntheless, I did not conform to the type of the model \nchild. My temper surged up and carried me away \nwith its fury, whenever I suffered a real or supposed \ninjustice. But at tranquil times, Jesus was perfectly \nreal to me. \n\n"My parents were of the type that carried their \nChristianity into their daily lives. Father read us \nmany selections from the Bible, and I remember as \na delight his reading of stories from the Bible, out of \na book we had in the family collection. Anything \nthat father read seemed wrapped in the dignity of \n\n\n\n178 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nhigh importance. My Sunday School teacher was \na vigorous applier of Christianity. She counted by \nscores those whom she had accompanied to the \'foot \nof the cross.\' \n\n"I remember in vivid experience an answer to \nprayer that came to me when I was about eight years \nold. The day had been rainy, and the men came from \nthe fields to work in the granary and about the barn. \nIt was just the kind of a day for a boy to have fun \nin the barn. My spirits were keyed too high to \nplease an old colored preacher who was working for \nfather. He reproved me sharply for some prank, \nwhich I thought was wholly innocent, and \nwhich I was sure my father would have enjoyed \nhad he been present. At the supper table, after the \nmen had gone, I told father about it, and demanded \nhotly that Dunmore attend to his own business. \nFather evidently foresaw further clashes with the old \nnegro, which he did not want to encourage. He said \nhe had been lax in his discipline of me. I was hot \nwith wrath; I arose from the table and plunged out \ninto the rain. I wandered off toward the strip of \nwoods where the turkeys nested. On the way, came \ndown the question upon me, Am I wrong?\' I knelt \ndown under the spreading branches of the big chest- \nnut tree. The situation was too difficult for words, \nbut the intention was an appeal to a higher judge. \nMy anger definitely disappeared, and my whole being \nwas flooded with light. I was under the necessity \nof running. I forgot the stone bruise on my heel \nthat had made me limp for days, and ran on as if on \nwings, gathered the eggs, and all in a glow, came \nrunning back to the house, shouting before I reached \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 179 \n\nthe door, \'Mother, come out and see the rainbow!\' \nMother left the work and came, but she seemed more \ninterested in my shining face than in the rainbow. I \ncan remember the feeling of that consciousness be- \ntween us of high and holy things, too wonderful to go \ninto words. Mother said, \'Why, what has come over \nmy boy?\' \n\n"Having found the way, I tried harder to control \nmy temper. The memory of the mounting up with \nwings as eagles, helped me to succeed better. I pon- \ndered on the question whether people who were con- \nverted loved Jesus more than I did. Could conver- \nsion make me any happier ? Had I already been con- \nverted ? The only way I knew of people getting into \nthe church was by way of the altar. I was too timid \nto talk with anyone about my experiences. But I \nprayed for courage to go to the altar, or else that \nsome of the workers would invite me. Though I at- \ntended every meeting, no one came to me. I came to \nthe conclusion that they all thought me too young, \nand that it would not be right for me to go to the \naltar until I was asked. For years I prayed for some \none to invite me and wondered about conversion. \n\n"I was fourteen, when at last, Miss Appalona \nWalter, an evangelistic worker, came back to me at \nthe close of one of the evening services, and asked \nme if I would like to be a Christian. I told her \ngladly that I would, and I promised I would go to \nthe altar the next evening, if she would come back \nfor me. During the season for seekers, for four even- \nings, I knelt at the altar. I felt a great peace, but \nno new experience came. I had seen others cry out \nin agony, and then rise with that new light in their \n\n\n\n180 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nfaces, many so happy that they must make some vio- \nlent movements to relieve their feelings. I didn\'t \nhave any necessity of shouting. At last one of our \nneighbors seemed to understand my case, and said \nthat I ought to praise Jesus for the love I felt for \nhim. This neighbor insisted that I rise and sing with \nthe congregation, \'Oh, how I love Jesus!\' We sang \nthat song together, again and again, and gradually I \ncame to feel that there could be no more room for \nany greater happiness. \n\n"When I was taken into the church, the man at my \nside continually sobbed, but to me it was too happy \nan occasion for tears. All the occasions I have passed \nthrough since pale into insignificance before the stately \nbeauty and impressiveness in which memory has \nwrapped that event. \n\n"After I had been received into the church, I cannot \nsay that Christ was nearer to me than before, but my \nfaith was stronger, and I found a sense of finality \nin being an avowed disciple of the Master. For these \nyears, I mention a few of the high points. \n\n"Some two years along upon my way of life, my \nfather and I were taking advantage of the late winter \nsnow to haul rails and wood from a marsh through \nwhich ran a stream. During the morning there had \nbeen a cold rain, and the stream ran high; toward \nevening the rain changed to sleet and fine hard snow, \nand the wind pierced like a knife. We took turns \ngoing with the team, in order to keep warm. Late \nin the afternoon while father was away with the load, \nI undertook to rescue some rails from the swollen \nstream. After I had succeeded in dragging the tim- \nbers out of the water and slush to an accessible point, \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 181 \n\nI got on a log which had fallen across the stream. \nI was tired, cold, wet through, and thoroughly dis- \ncouraged. Doubts like the cold closed in upon me. \nFor the first time, I doubted the reality of all my \npast religious experience. \'Why should I love Jesus, \nanyway?\' came to my mind. Automatically I began \nto recount the reasons, and I had not gone far when \nthe light broke in upon me. Out there alone in the \nwoods, I sang and whistled, almost unconscious of \nthe raw wind that fast froze my dripping garments. \nThis was the second and last time that I ever felt the \nsurge of so great power within me that I must shout. \n"High School Commencement was approaching and \nmy graduating essay was ready. I was the class \nvaledictorian. My confidence in myself was supreme \nuntil the rehearsal before the principal and teachers, \nwhen my voice broke once or twice. I felt humili- \nated; so much was expected of me. Every time I \nattempted to read over the essay in private, the cold \nperspiration would come out and run down into my \neyes. The contemplation of my appearance on the \nplatform was a horror. I wanted frantically to be \na credit to my parents and to my class, but as com- \nmencement drew near my stage fright increased. \nDuring the wait of commencement evening, while each \nof my classmates faced the audience, got through and \nreceived their applause, my terror reached the point \nwhere I would have run away, were it not for bring- \ning shame to others. In my extremity, I remembered \na source of help. I gazed upward, and definitely I \nprayed, \'Jesus, help me! Sustain me, in this my \nhour of need !\' My fear vanished. I faced the \ncheering audience with a smile. My essay became a \n\n\n\n182 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nmessage which I delivered with a feeling and free- \ndom that had never before been mine. \n\n"Up to this time, I had appealed to God\'s grace \nto help me control my temper, to keep me from falling \nin times of temptation, and to sustain me in times of \ncrises. Between definite appeals, I had considered \nmy religion as a variety of luxury to be enjoyed. I \nhad not understood it as a force in the ordinary in- \ncidents of the day. I first came to a full realization \nof this inexhaustible source of help when I was teach- \ning a country school. I had made no apparent blun- \nders with the school, yet inwardly I was in a constant \nstate of irritation and strain. At the close of the \nday\'s session, I would be utterly exhausted. I was \nfast spending my reserve of nervous energy. I re- \nsolved to take Christ into the schoolroom with me. \nFrom that day the whole occupation and aspect of \nteaching changed. The pupils seemed to be con- \ntrolled by a new spirit. They obeyed my minutest \nsuggestions and for the remainder of that term dis- \ncipline was an obsolete and unnecessary word. No \nmatter how busy the day, I went home feeling as \nfresh as when I entered the school room in the morn- \ning. \n\n"Follow years of study, of struggle, of temptation. \nMy childhood faith is remolded and readjusted. \nYears of study along scientific lines have on the \nwhole, I believe, added strength and reality to that \nfaith. Just at the time when the future was roseate \nwith promise, I was called upon to pass through the \ngreatest ordeal of my life, to endure the greatest \nsorrow, I believe, that can come to anyone." \n\nHere the stream of this life passes through a \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 183 \n\nvalley of the shadow so wild and desolate that it \nis like a canon in a riven rock. Through the \nlong stretch of years flowers of a beautiful \nloyalty have been grown on those ragged rocks. \nWe may not enter here. \n\n"My faith was shaken and I was rebellious. I \nclung to duty, but my heart was sore. I could not \nsay \'Thy will be done.\' Three years later it was my \nopportunity to influence a number of young people in \ndeciding to take Christ as their saviour. As I saw \nthese people radiant in their new found love, there \nstole again into my heart the peace of complete recon- \nciliation. Then the memories which had tormented \nme day and night and from which I had sought to \nflee, became shining jewels to be cherished for all \ntime. \n\n"These are some of the high points. Can I doubt \nthe witness of the spirit? In times of depression, \ndoubts do assail me, and I wonder if I could have \nbeen self-deceived. It is then that these mountain- \ntop experiences come back to me, and doubt gives \nway. I am glad that I remained at the altar until \nthere was no question in my mind of acceptance by \nGod; I am glad that the crisis of life brought ex- \nperiences so positive, that they will not be denied by \nmy most doubting moods ; I am glad that these experi- \nences proved Him to be sufficient for every phase in \nlife. I am most thankful that I found and proved \nChrist as a boy. If I had waited for maturer years \nto guide me, I do not believe I could have accepted \nthe truths of the Bible. My mind does not yet clear \nup the mystery of immortality, but my own inner \n\n\n\n184 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nconsciousness tells me that this life is only a prepara- \ntion for that which is to come, a life in which my own \nindividuality is to continue. I however feel the con- \nflict at the point where science, though pointing to a \nsupreme intelligence* also suggests by analogy that \nwe shall live only in the lives that follow. Specula- \ntive discussions on the future state trouble me some- \ntimes. \n\n"This I know: Christ is real in this life, and when \nI permit Him, He walks with me and my heart \nwarms within me. I need Him for this life and am \nwilling to trust Him for that which is to come. \n\n"Christ\'s presence is made manifest in various \nways. Less often on account of a direct prayer, \nthan from prayerful contemplation, when I seem to \ncommune more directly with Him. It is then that \nhe appears \'The fairest among ten thousand, and the \nOne altogether lovely.\' " \n\nUp to this point the cases cited of my people \nwho belong to the ranks of the lettered and the \nlearned, have all been in demonstration of the \nvalue of an early experience, and a youthful habit \nof realizing the resources of an emotional practice \nof prayer. These youthful experiences have been \nanchor sufficient to hold while the ship outrides \nthe storms of materialistic thinking and of bitter \nand blighting life accident. Memory of some- \nthing that did happen, has been able, in a degree, \nto reproduce the experience. From the actuality \nof the youthful experience, there remains author- \nity sufficient to still dispatch the activities of \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 185 \n\nlarge and varied lives, and these activities are \nperceptibly colored by a constant faith in Jesus \nChrist. The pilot flame still burns, and succeeds \nin dispatching the activities warm, if not always \nhot. \n\nIn the collection of written experiences, there \nare a considerable number of like nature. They \nare sufficient evidence to substantiate the state- \nment that a genuine, vivid, youthful experience \nwill, in many cases, have enough enduring au- \nthority to discount any materialistic teaching or \nany numbing experiences that are encountered. \nThe family that had daily practice in Christian \nliving, the Sunday School teacher who broke the \ntext from the context to make many applications, \nthe pastor who held his meetings and who pre- \npared his children for church membership, the \naltar workers who invited sinners to come, \nhave actually outmolded in the lives of my let- \ntered and learned the faculties of the great uni- \nversities. \n\nSome who are willing to grant that a youthful \nexperience makes a memory anchor sure and \nstrong will raise the point as to whether it is pos- \nsible to get the pilot flame lighted at the time \nwhen the intellectual life is full and matured and \nkeen. In our practice we have seen it accom- \nplished in a number of cases. We offer two in- \nstances to show how the type of the experience \nmay differ, yet be vital enough to be clearly rec- \ncognized. These two cases are used because they \n\n\n\n186 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nare similar in that they were attained through \nan intellectual process. \n\nThe first of these experiences is written by my \nFriend who is a Luxury. He is the kind of Lux- \nury that Emerson had in mind when he said he \nwould much prefer to go without the necessities \nand have the luxury. He is one of those pro- \nfessors so charming in all the departments of \nliving that you would begrudge him to any harsh \nand executive success that would force his per- \nsonality into some narrow specialized channel. \nIf he should come along in a rattle-trap buggy \ndrawn by an old nag, and at the same time there \nshould come along the man with the tooting auto- \nmobile of blatant success, and both should call \nto you to come and ride, and you dared to make \nthe choice you truly esteemed the greater pleas- \nure, you would scramble into the rattle-trap \nbuggy. It would be the greater luxury. He \nwould tell you something blithe and good and gay. \nHe would make you see the flash of a red bird; \nhe would make you feel the bursting of buds ; he \nwould stop at the top of the hill and expand you \nwith a great scene. The ways of this Friend who \nis a Luxury I thoroughly know. We went on a \nlong, driving, camping trip together, with our \nwomen and little children. Such an intimacy \ncries upon the housetops any weaknesses which \nhad been shut up in closets. Similar trips have \nplayed havoc with friendships. But the memories \nof that trip are of the amber sweetness of wild \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 187 \n\ngrapes when they are setting, the peculiar blue \npurple of smoke when it goes up into hemlock \nbranches, the possible efficiency of camp-cooking, \nthe good, pungent, gay jokes that the Friend \nwho is a Luxury can provide or cause you to pro- \nvide. It goes without saying that such as he has \na charming wife, and children, who are joyously \ngrowing up in the aristocratic poverty provided \nby a professor\'s salary. There is also a little \ngrave, the source of a beautifully accepted and \nsanctifying sorrow. \n\nThis man who provides out of his inner nature \nthe best luxuries of living, writes a simple and \nluminous account of his religious experience: \n\n"Up to the age of twenty-one, I thought I was a \nChristian. In reading the life of John Wesley, where \nhe details his feelings of conviction, just before his \nexperience, \'while one was reading in Romans,\' I \ncame to the conclusion that, in my small way, I was \ndepending for salvation on exactly the same things \nthat Wesley was, and as he did not then think he was \na Christian, I concluded that I could not be. I still \nthink that I was not a Christian, though I had been \na church member, Sunday School teacher and officer, \nand active worker in the church for twelve years. \nAfter a week\'s heavy darkness and depression, dur- \ning the latter part of which I had a consuming desire \nto read the scriptures on every opportunity, I had a \ndistinct, vivid, vital experience while reading in Ro- \nmans VI. It came first as an intellectual percep- \ntion of my relation to God and Christ, and then, as \n\n\n\n188 THE PILOT FLAME \n\na very great emotional light. For a period of six \nmonths, I did not let myself sleep at night till I had \nreceived an assurance of God\'s acceptance. This I \nnow think was a mistaken desire on my part, but \nGod honored the faith. \n\n"Another vivid and illuminating experience came \nto me when I put to the test the verse \'Blessed are \nthe pure in heart, for they shall see God.\' I found it \ntrue in every particular. \n\n"The sense of God\'s presence comes to me asso- \nciated with nearly all Christian practices. The most \nreal sense, I think, is attained in private reading of \nthe scriptures. Then there comes as my most genuine \nexperience, first, a new intellectual perception, and \nthen an emotional exhilaration and joy." \n\nIf you can discover a practice whereby God\'s \npresence becomes actual to you, you can retain \nthat lyric appetite in life. Your spirit makes the \nyouthful declaration that life has relish and is \nworth the exploring. You become that genuine \nluxury in life. You grow large and luscious and \nabundant fruits of the spirit. \n\nThis final testimony of the learned is added \nbecause it is an instance of an illumination fol- \nlowing an intellectual perception. This brief ex- \npression is the look back over a long life. I \nhesitate to characterize this personality, because \nI know him so well, and he is yet so intimately \nwith me. He is of my present household. Over \nthe body of his son, and over the body of his wife, \nI have spoken the memorial words while he sat \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 189 \n\nbowed in grief. I held his hands and went down \nwith him to the gates of death, in the tension of \na desperate operation. In looking back upon the \nexperience, his affection proclaimed that his \npastor saved his life. But the skill in the fin- \ngers of the great surgeon must have its recogni- \ntion. \n\nSince his personality is too close to me to be \ncharacterized, let me mention some of his works \nthat his testimony may be weighted. On the \nwheel of his instruction, he has molded and pol- \nished a large proportion of the lawyers of a \nstate. He is the son of that illustrous father who \nbolted the Virginia Assembly, rather than vote \nfor secession. But when the final accounts are \nopened, it may be found yet more illustrious that \nthis strong man superintended a Sunday School \nthroughout his life-time, and that his son walked \nin his footsteps. \n\nThe more than fifty years of continuous service \ngiven by this father and son, is the testimony to \nthe God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to Him \nwho is God unto Father and unto son. Between \nthem, they have builded a Sunday School which \nmatches the strength and lift of the great gray \nstone tower of our church. Through this Sun- \nday School has passed one-third of the children \nof the community. This Sunday School has never \nwrestled with the problems of a paid superintend- \nent, or of teacher training, for the superintend- \nent has always been a man too costly to be hired, \nand the teachers have always been superior to any \n\n\n\n190 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nteaching force found in the public schools. More \nthan a dozen eminent educators are found giving \nthe golden margin of their energies, the precious \nfreshness of the Sunday morning hour, to the \nfaithful teaching of the scriptures. \n\nLike John on Patmos Isle, our superintendent \nnow looks back over a long life and sums up the \ndifference between inherited religion and experi- \nenced religion: \n\n"What I may term my second epoch of religious \nexperience is the only interesting period to me of \nmy Christian life. \n\n"The first epoch was marked by the absence of any \nsettled, positive conviction of a present God \xe2\x80\x94 he was \na far distant God \xe2\x80\x94 and I had doubts as to whether it \nwas a part of the divine economy that we creatures \nof the world should have any conscious, distinct rela- \ntions with Him. This was a very vacillating, un- \ncertain, and unsatisfactory experience. \n\n"The second epoch was the coming into conscious- \nness, following the intellectual conviction, that God \nhad from the very beginning of His creation estab- \nlished and maintained communion with men, through \nthe patriarchs, the prophets, and then through His \nSon, who, when he went away, told us he would send \nthe Comforter in his stead. I never came into a real \nreligious experience until I got a full appreciation of \nthe fact that this is the era of the Holy Spirit, that \nhe is actually in the world, as Christ was; that \nthrough Him we have actual and conscious commu- \nnication with God; that He is a guide and comforter \nin all the vicissitudes of life; that in all the small con- \n\n\n\nTHE LETTERED AND LEARNED 191 \n\ncerns of our lives even, he takes a sympathetic in- \nterest, and in great trial and sorrow He is a very- \npresent friend \xe2\x80\x94 He is the conscious link between \nearth and heaven. \n\n"This conception and this consciousness worked \nthe emancipation in my religious experience. It was \na dead religion without it." \n\n\n\nCHAPTER VI \n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR \n\nOn the minister at the university church is laid \nthe responsibility of becoming the pilot aboard, \nwhile the soul craft crosses the turbulent bar from \nthe sheltered bay of youth into the open sea of the \nworld. The many years of traffic over this diffi- \ncult bar has taught the pilot to dread getting \naboard the soul craft that has been built too nar- \nrow in the home shop. The craft that is too nar- \nrow and inflexible breaks in the difficult passage. \nThose who, anxious for that craft they have \nformed out of their own lives, stand at the door- \nway of the home shop looking, are filled with bit- \nterness when they see that the soul craft is \nbroken. They are inclined to blame the pilot and \nthe tides of the thinking world; they are not able \nto perceive that they built the craft too narrow \nfor the passage of these difficult waters. Two \ntypes of the narrow craft are specially dreaded \nby the pilot; one is characterized by forced con- \nformity to the authority of the church and the \nhome ; the other, by rigid condemnation or equally \nrigid approval of social amusements. When the \npilot gets aboard the narrow craft, he immedi- \nately looks to the interior structure. If rigid \n\nconformity has been attained by rigid parental \n192 \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 193- \n\nauthority, the pilot knows that the craft is a \nshell. There is no possibility of an adaptation \nto the many new factors ; there is no practice in \nthat most difficult art of riding the currents of \nliberty under the steering master of self-control. \nBlinded by the exhilaration of speedy going on \nthe currents of liberty, the narrow craft hits the \nrock of self-indulgence and goes to pieces. But \nif some volitions have been exercised by the soul \ncaptain, if some responsibility for conduct has \nbeen assumed, then the craft, however narrow, is \nbuilt with braces. It will not come through the \npassage of the bar without injury, but there is a \nchance that it may be put into the open sea of the \nworld ocean morally afloat. To those who are \nbuilding the soul craft in the home shops the pilot \nwould like to send the counsel : put the little craft \nthat you have built upon the placid waters of \nyour home cove; let it learn by experience to \nknow good and evil, and by practice the difficult \nart of self-control. Do not expect that the soul \ncraft shall come out from the shop of parental \ncontrol, and, without any experience in riding \nupon the open water, it shall be able to make in \nsafety the passage of the turbulent bar. \n\nAfter the summer siesta, the moment of awak- \nening has come to the university city. The streets \nare alive with trunk trucks and the sidewalks are \nalive with fond parents, so numerous and impor- \ntant as to put into insignificance those precious \n\n\n\n194* THE PILOT FLAME \n\nfreshmen they are convoying. Misty-eyed \nmothers hold their tall boys by the hand for the \nlast time; they know that when next they see \nthem, such liberties will not be permitted, for the \nboy will have put on manhood. \n\nIn common with all the other caretakers of the \nuniversity, the soul pilot is on duty waiting for \nthe specific calls to get aboard the craft en- \ntrusted to his care. The parsonage door-bell \nrings. I greet a country preacher, vigorous, \ntyrannical, bellicose. Behind him stands his boy, \ndragged by parental authority to be put into the \ncustody of another preacher. The boy\'s manner \nproclaims the habit of the weary necessity of sub- \nmission, but in his eyes are already lighted the \nred lamps of rebellion. \n\n"Here\'s my boy, Earl," says the preacher; "I \ncame to turn him over to you. I have made him \ngo to church, and I have made him take part in \nprayer-meeting. He has stayed in nights, and \nhe has never been to dances, nor to moving pic- \nture shows. Now you look after him." \n\nHe transferred to me his parental authority. \nHe was not a man who could be informed by any \nfacts. It was useless to tell him that four hun- \ndred of the students were apportioned to my flock, \nand that there were in addition about a thousand \nchurch members. He could not understand a \npreacher who was an influence but who did not at- \ntempt to exercise authority. In his congregation \nwhoever was absent on Sunday, made explanation \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 195 \n\non Monday for that absence. The preacher who \nwas dealing with such large numbers that he did \nnot know who was absent from his congregation, \nwas beyond the rim of his comprehension. He \nthought it was my business to see that his boy \nregularly attended the means of grace. He \ntransferred the boy\'s membership to my church, \nand departed secure in his transfer of author- \nity. \n\nHaunted by the impression of coming disaster, \nand by the burden of authority which had been \ntransferred to me, I put more than any rightful \nshare of time on that boy. At a "function," I \nsought him out and sat down beside him. Pa- \nrental control was already shattered. The boy\'s \nsoul was already in the far country. Nor was it \na case of youthful rioting at the first exhilaration \nof liberty. That kind sometimes takes thought \nand returns. Earl\'s soul was already blood- \npoisoned with superficial cynicism. He thought \nhe would shock me. \n\nHe said, "I went to a dance the other night. A \nlot of your girls were there. I can\'t dance yet, \nso I looked on. I concluded that the girls who \nwere too good to dance were the ones who were \nnot asked. Pretty girls are not troubled with \nscruples, are they?" \n\nThen he laughed, feeling so clever and stimula- \nted with wickedness because he had shocked an- \nother preacher like his father. Earl had no sub- \nstance to be squandered in riotous living, so he \n\n\n\n196 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nsquandered his inheritance of piety in riotous \nthinking, and bitter reactions. \n\nBy his junior year, he found some opportunity \nto put his riotous thinking into conduct. The \ncareful "stroking" of fellow students who were \n"swift" finally gained him membership in a fra- \nternity that was the rotten spot in university life. \nHe was business manager and chief promoter of \nevery possible form of student degradation. \nPoverty standing somewhat in the way of his own \nindulgence, he evidently enjoyed being an on- \nlooker at the wild smashing of controls of home \nideals, of moral purity and of righteous conduct. \nReligion to him became a sneer. His senior year \ndivested him of every trace of his country preacher \nfather, except that there was still mental ability \nenough and habit of work enough to enable him to \ngraduate. His face was disease marked, and \nhis body was flabby and slouchy, from much \nlounging on couches. \n\nHis father came to see him graduate. He did \nnot perceive his boy at all. I suppose the boy \nhad decent hypocrisy enough to cover his conduct, \nand to exhibit the fraternity house on good be- \nhavior. With childlike gratification the father \nsaid, "Earl is smart. He got into a good fra- \nternity, where the boys had money. He got a lit- \ntle off on philosophy, so that he don\'t believe in \nchurches any more. But he\'ll come out all right. \nI raised him well." It is the regular "stunt" \nfor fellows who are philandering with the young \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 197 \n\nhussy vice, to persuade "dad" that they have been \nbeguiled by the stately lady philosophy. \n\nWhen my brother preacher councils with par- \nents who have a boy to educate, he will tell them \nof the unearthly blandishments of lady philoso- \nphy, and how she got his boy. My brother will \nnever know that he built the craft of his son on \nthe hard narrow lines of parental authority, and \nthat he failed to put in any braces of the habit \nof freely choosing the good, the wholesome and \nthe enduring; that he set the craft adrift at a \nplace where the waters of living meet and churn \nin their fury; that what happened is what can be \nexpected when such a craft attempts the difficult \npassage-way over the turbulent bar ; \xe2\x80\x94 it went to \npieces on the rock of self-indulgence. \n\nThe pearly nautilus did not always make his \nshell so smooth and excellently braced that it was \nstrong enough to withstand old ocean\'s mightiest \nheave. If you will get a skillful fossil friend to \nconduct you back through the dim ages when \nstories were written in the rocks, he can show you \na first variation when a nautilus thrust out a lit- \ntle bay window on his shell, and thus got more \nsurface, and an advantage over the fellows with \nplain shells. Then you can see where bay win- \ndows on the nautilus shell increased in size, and \nbecame fluted, and ever more intricately turned \nand fluted, until finally the bay windows covered \nthe whole shell. Then there is a gap; there are \nno more fossils of nautilus shells. We return \n\n\n\n198 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nagain to the smooth strong modern shell which \nwas the original type. What happened in the \ngap? The fossil friend will tell you that the \nnautilus shell had become too delicate and too \nintricate ; the bay windows which at first pro- \nvided an advantage had, by their too great devel- \nopment, become a weakness ; the bay-windowed \nnautilus was not strong enough to withstand the \nocean\'s heave and it perished. \n\nWhen Ralph\'s mother sang the gospel hymns, \nher face took on that radiance which is the re- \nflection of the great white throne, and her eyes \nwere those lighted lamps in the windows of heaven \nwhich guide home the pilgrims of the night. \nRalph\'s father completed each year the reading \nof the New Testament in Greek; with the same \nfidelity with which he selected the text of his \nSunday morning sermon, he also selected the clas- \nsical allusion. An ideal of poured out service, \naccepted in his youth, still kept glowing his de- \nvotion to the boisterous church which struggles \nwith the vulgar and the vigorous. Ralph was \nnurtured in that aristocratic poverty which does \nwithout the abundance and provides a few of the \nbest luxuries. His appreciation of culture was a \nvigorous appetite, because it had never been sur- \nfeited, but always stimulated by the splendid as- \npiration and meager attainments of his home. \n\nThe mother\'s tender, vibrant voice, became in \nher boy a lyric tenor, not of commanding enough \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 199 \n\nquality to set him apart, but of that delightful \ncaroling buoyant quality, that makes a room full \nof stodgy folks feel "How good is life, the mere \nliving." And his eyes instead of being the lighted \nlamps in the window of heaven, were the twinkling \nlights that overflow from the house of mirth. \nRalph sang in the choir, and was himself a glow- \ning luxury in a plain church. In default of \nstained glass windows, a weary congregation \ncould look at him. The damp black curls lay \nabout the arches of his white brows, and his mobile \nface would let any passing mood shine through. \nDevotional music of a classic quality he could \nwrap about him like a mantle of glory. During \nall the years of his university life, he sang faith- \nfully for the plain people of the church of his par- \nent\'s devotion, but we knew during the last year \nthat he was alien. His eyes looked down with \ncritical amusement upon the plain necessities of a \nplain church. A collection hitched to an emo- \ntional appeal was to him a vulgar child\'s play; \na testimony meeting in which some ancient brother \nin a sing-song whine told of something that hap- \npened to him years ago, was to him an offensive \ndisplay of dotage. \n\nMingling with his parents in the festivities of \nRalph\'s graduation, I perceived that he was a \nman-child in whom a mother should exult. His \nplace as officer among the cadets, made him be- \ncomingly exhibited. He belonged to the Artil- \nlery, and wore blue clothing with touches of red, \n\n\n\n200 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ncovering his tall and shapely frame. His man- \nners were so naturally excellent that he seemed \nleisurely taking part in a gay festival. He was \ntoo full of the goodness of living to have taken \nany dull scholastic honors. Already he had ob- \ntained a position which would put him into the \nexecutive office of a great corporation. \n\nNow when the festivities of graduation were \nfinished, and for Ralph, the period of dependence \non his parents had closed, and he had consciously \ncome to manhood, he came around to see me in my \nstudy. He said, "I want you to give me my \nchurch letter, and to dismiss me in all good fel- \nlowship. Then I want to tell you that I expect \nto identify myself with a more cloistered church, \nfor my life associations and affiliations. I do \nnot want you to feel that I go in bitterness or \nas a wandering sheep; I have fallen out of har- \nmonious respect for the church of my father. It \nis like eating in a cheap restaurant ; my appetite \nfails. I would rather have much less food, with \na better service. I have realized that you main- \ntain here at the university a church that is cul- \ntured above any I can expect to find in our de- \nnomination. If I am to find in a church pleasant \nassociations, somewhat of uplift and of inspira- \ntion, I must associate myself with a church that \nmaintains certain dignities and reserves. \n\n"Take this question of amusements. With \nclean conscience I can say, I never experienced \n\n\n\n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 201 \n\nany evils at any of the dances I have attended. \nOn the other hand, I have heard much more of \nvulgar suggestion and insinuation from the \npreachers of our denomination, than were ever \ngenerated by a dance. As I have been an on- \nlooker while such things were being said, I have \nconcluded that some preachers speak so often and \nso vehemently on this subject, in order to stir up \nthe vulgar emotions which are so much more \nreadily reached than the high emotions. One of \nthese sermons lets loose in a crowd more nastiness \nthan the average dance." \n\nRalph smiled at me in that knowing way that \nmeans you are no longer talking with a child, and \ncontinued: "Doesn\'t the fact that I can say \nthese things to you and you can understand, show \nthat you are not typically of our denomination? \nHave I not watched you many a time covering \nand draping raw vulgarities, until by your sleight \nof hand you have made us forget that they are \nstill practiced?" \n\nThen I knew indeed that the boy had come to \nman\'s estate. I tried the last reach; I showed \nhim the glory of service. I took him behind the \nscenes. I showed him that while before the peo- \nple we might appear to be an institution of self- \nsatisfaction and vainglory, as a matter of fact \nwe had come nearly to a standstill due to the pull \nin opposing directions of our two great necessi- \nties. On the one hand, we must still be the re- \n\n\n\n202 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nceiving station for the poor and the vulgar and \nthe ignorant ; on the other hand, we have now a \nwhole generation, like unto himself, who have been \nrefined by Christian culture, until they do not en- \njoy the hurly-burly of the receiving station. \n"Ralph," said I, "we are keeping the preachers \ndisgracefully poor, we are stretching every en- \nergy, we are hanging on the running boards of \nthe automobiles of the rich, in order that we may \nprovide stone cathedrals for our sons who do not \nlove us in our poverty. Do we love stone cathe- \ndrals? No, we do not. Are they a good place \nto germinate the life of the soul? Does a man \nget his soul converted in a stone cathedral? No, \na stone cathedral with the rituals and reserves \nthat go with it, is a cold storage plant, where we \ntry to preserve the fruits of spiritual agriculture. \nFor the germination of life, we need sheds nearer \nthe soil; we need tents and tabernacles, we need \nthe patient, exaggerated appeal, the over-emo- \ntionalized singing. \n\n"I serve in the university church because the \ncap and gown of culture unfit me for the toil which \nI thoroughly respect in the germinating sheds. \nWhen I was as old as you, Ralph, I, like your \nfather, had felt the glory of the call to poured \nout service. I tried to become a personal worker \nat the North End Mission. One night I was \nkneeling beside a drunkard at the altar. With \nthe best of my sympathy, I was trying to go with \nhim and hold his hand. It must be confessed, \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR \n\nhowever, that the smell of him was nauseating \nto me. Suddenly he lifted his head from the \naltar rail and looked me over. Maybe the five \ngenerations of Puritan ancestors showed; maybe \nhe perceived that gross sin was as abhorrent to \nme as filth in the gutter. That sinner did not \nlike me. He said, \'Young fellow, what do you \nknow about it? You git out of here. You go \nback where you belong.\' It was I who fled away \nconvicted. The pain of having poured myself \nout in service and of having been rejected, was \nsharper than the bite of the East wind that swept \nin from the frozen sea that night. I walked \nthrough all the slums, and half hoped that some- \none would sandbag me. I bade farewell to the \nslums, and to the ideal of uttermost service. If \nI cannot be a captain who goes down into the \ngreat waters of the sinning soul, I can be the \npilot over the \'turbulent bar.\' " \n\nRalph was moved at the beauty of service, but \nhe said that he could feel in his own conscious- \nness no call to undertake it. With that charm- \ning mirth twinkling in his eyes, he said, "I think \nmy father has done service enough for two gen- \nerations. I had better do a little personal liv- \ning." Out of that graciousness which kept Ralph \nfrom doing anything abrupt or ugly, he left his \nchurch letter with me for a time and we corres- \nponded. After six months, he found his wife in a \ncultured and wealthy family, and life called to \nhim to come and be happy. He joined a stone \n\n\n\n204 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ncathedral, and was married to ease and culture, \nto which estate he was fitted. \n\n\n\nOn the turbulent bar, we lose the craft that is \ntoo narrow; or that is too elaborately fluted. \nThese are the exceptional craft; the many are \npiloted safely through and started upon the open \nvoyage. \n\nIf the university church can keep flowing over \nthe turbulent bar a high tide of genuine spiritual \nlife, it can catch more wandering vessels than it \nloses on this difficult crossing. The following ex- \nperience was written by a clear-brained student, \ngiving, in perfectly frank reality, the feeling of \nfinding himself caught in such a current. \n\n"I did not grow up in a Christian family, nor was \nI ever under Christian influences before coming to the \nuniversity. I had attended Sunday School but rarely, \nfor I lived eight miles from a church. During some \nyears, I did not attend even once. As I grew up I \ngave no thought to religious matters, and grew more \nskeptical, contemptuous and antagonistic. I attended \nchurch occasionally from a desire to accompany some- \none or to see someone there. \n\n"About a year ago I was attending more regularly \nfor the reasons mentioned. During the special serv- \nices, a sermon was preached against swearing. It \nstruck me rather forcibly, as I was a very profane \nfellow. The sermon started me to thinking. The \nfollowing morning I began a fight to give up the \nhabit of swearing. A week or so later, I became con- \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 205 \n\nvinced that if there was really anything in Chris- \ntianity which was better than worldliness, I wanted \nmy share in it. I accepted a call to make a stand \nfor a better life, without any particularly vivid ex- \nperience of a call from God. I had a firm determi- \nnation to give Christianity a thorough trial. I joined \nthe church with a feeling of joy and satisfaction, \nfeeling that a great transaction had taken place. \n\n"There then came upon me a series of battles last- \ning several months. The ballroom, smoking and other \nworldliness, kept calling me back to my old careless \nand irresponsible life. I learned how to pray ear- \nnestly. This, with the consciousness that I had taken \na firm stand, kept me till I really knew that my sins \nwere forgiven and the desire for them removed. My \nChristian life then became more of a reality to me. \n\n"I had at first intended to quit dancing just until \nI joined a church which did not disapprove of it, but \nI found that I was having constant struggles on this \npoint. New obligations of service and new kinds of \nduties were constantly appealing to me, and I had \na troublesome time over each new one. My significant \nexperiences, through this first year of my Christian \nlife, have been my triumphs over weaknesses, through \nthe power of Jesus Christ. My most real sense of \nGod\'s presence comes in time of trouble and indecis- \nion when I resort to quiet prayer. There is then \nreceived a sense of joy and peace which comes in no \nother way. When called upon for prayer in the meet- \nings, it does not mean so much to me. I am, however, \nwilling to undertake it as a form of service, for I \nfeel that in time it is going to have more reality." \n\nSome there are who have no rebellions and con- \n\n\n\n206 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nsequently no struggles. They are the sons to \nwhom the Father says, "Thou art ever with me \nand all that I have is thine." They frequently \nfeel wistful when they witness the keen joy of the \nreturning prodigal. Because they have been al- \nways eating at the Father\'s table where there is \nfatted calf and to spare, they do not realize the \ngreat joy of the satisfaction of a gnawing hunger \nthat has lasted long. Nevertheless, these are the \nsons to whom belongeth the inheritance and the \nsolid satisfaction of the Father. Of such, is the \nfollowing. \n\n"I was brought up in a Christian home, and have \nalways enjoyed the services of church and Sunday \nSchool. I do not remember having a definite reli- \ngious experience, until at the age of thirteen, during \nmeetings conducted by Mr. Moody, I made my first \npublic confession of Christ. \n\n"I have experienced a sense of God\'s presence es- \npecially when studying the Bible with others, and at \nthe time of a special sacrifice. There comes to my \nmind a time when, with others of our young people\'s \nsociety, I engaged in mission work which took me \naway from the meetings at our home church, which I \ngreatly enjoyed. Some of the greatest realities of \nmy religious life grew out of that sacrifice, and the \neffort to speak to the people in the little church about \nJesus. \n\n"One other noteworthy memory stands out dis- \ntinctly. After I had been for some time engaged in \nchurch work, I had become much dissatisfied with my \nown religious experience, questioning if I had ever \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 207 \n\nhad any thing that counted. In a special meeting, \nRev. Mr. Taylor from Sydney, Australia, told us of \nthe remarkable work that had been done in connection \nwith his church, in which hundreds had been con- \nverted. In the course of his address, he quoted three \nverses that exactly suited my need. \'If we confess \nour sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us \nour sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.\' \n\'Now, being made free from sin, and become servants \nof God, ye have your fruit unto holiness, and in the \nend everlasting life.\' \'Now unto Him who is able to \nkeep you from falling and to present you faultless \nbefore his throne with exceeding joy . . .\' I \nwas able from that time to trust God as I had not be- \nfore, and for a period of about three weeks, it seemed \nto me that I was consciously led by Him. That \nperiod of uninterrupted peace terminated with dis- \nobedience in what seemed a trivial matter, and I \nhave never since been able to entirely recover the abid- \ning consciousness." \n\nTHE GOODNESS OF GOOD GIRLS. Out of respect \n\nfor the glimpse which is to be given into the \nvirgin heart of good women, let any who read the \nfollowing experiences kindly put off the shoes and \nremember to come reverently and tenderly, for \nnow they tread on holy ground. The four ex- \nperiences now to be quoted were all written by \nyoung women when they were about twenty years \nof age; they were vigorous students and gra- \ncious and attractive women. They may be de- \nscribed as flowers of the co-educational method of \neducation. \n\n\n\n208 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nIn one of the great western high schools there \nis a thoroughly good teacher, who puts behind \nher teaching the moral force of a thoroughly \ngood woman. Her madonna like face awakes in \ngiddy girls the perception of the deeps of the \nmeaning of womanhood; boys growing the strong \nwing feathers for flight into the world, grow also \nperceptions and ideals of goodness, which are \nthe guardian angels that hold them back from \nmany a miry pit. More lasting than the bonds \nof good scholarship are the bonds of good char- \nacter which she puts upon all her students. \n\n"From childhood, I felt a desire to be good and to \nlove God. I can remember, when not more than six \nyears old, worrying because I thought I didn\'t love \nGod. When I was about eleven, my father was con- \nverted and I joined the church with him. As yet I \nhad perceived no change of any sort in my own life \nor heart. But about a year later, I attended Sunday \nafternoon meetings for children, conducted as regular \nlittle prayer or class meetings. Our leaders, Mr. \nand Mrs. Ames, explained to us that everyone needed \nto repent of wrong things they had done, and they \nasked how many of us would like to become Chris- \ntians. Several of us stayed to an after-meeting and \nprayed about it. I arose feeling that God had for- \ngiven me. It was a clear knowledge, but I do not \nknow how I felt. I went home and told my parents \nabout it, and immediately I began to read the Bible, \na portion every day. Had it not been for the fellow- \nship which I had in my mother, I am afraid I should \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 209 \n\nhave become abnormally conscientious. My mother \nused to pray with me about troublesome things, and \nin others she showed me that I was inclined to go too \nfar. \n\n"My only period of doubt was a little while in \nhigh school, when the implications of evolution first \ncame up. I knew my people would oppose any such \ndoctrines as sinful, and I said little of my question- \nings. I decided that if any such thinking was going \nto destroy my peace, I wouldn\'t believe it. By thus \nsimply refusing to face the question, I gained time \nto develop mentally, and to see the folly of suppos- \ning that truth in nature and in the Bible could con- \nflict. \n\n"My most genuine sense of God\'s presence comes \nfrom private study of the Bible. It has always been \nmy source of inspiration. During the last two years, \nI feel that I have begun to do real thinking. The \nstirring life of the Christian Endeavor and of the \nChristian Association has obliged me to build many \nbridges between books and real life. I feel that my \nbridges are becoming ever stronger, and better able \nto bear the traffic of living." \n\nThe Sweetest Girl in the Congregation. This \nis what the Man in Zoology called her, that night \nhe came in the storm to eat apples and talk by \nmy study fire. You met him among the "Let- \ntered and the Learned." Now this is a little win- \ndow opened into the heart of the girl, a few \nmonths before his coming. She is now making a \nfaculty home. She does not groan about the \nscantness of the professor\'s salary, but she re- \n\n\n\n210 THE PILOT FLAME \n\njoices in every benefit provided by the university, \nand thus makes all good gifts her own. \n\n\n\n"I greW up in a Christian family, church and Sun- \nday School, and always tried to be a Christian. Not \nmuch joy was associated with joining the church, be- \ncause it followed as the result of learning the cate- \nchism. I felt as if a greater responsibility rested \ndown upon me, because I must strive harder to be \ngood. \n\n"I can remember very clearly the first time I felt \nthat I must have more help in being good. It was \nat a revival meeting for our Sunday School children. \nI loved those meetings, and always wanted them to \ncome again. As we children knelt around the altar, \nI felt that warmth in my heart which I knew to be \nlove for God. From that time continuously, I have \nrealized that it was truly good to be a child of God, \nand I had more enthusiasm in trying to be a good \ngirl. \n\n"From that time on my life was about the same, \nuntil I came to the university. It is here that I have \nfound the beauty and inspiration of my religion. God \nhas been revealed to me in a wonderful way, and I \nwill never cease to thank Him for it. I have watched \nChristian people as I never did before, and I have \nrealized that it was a high calling and a blessed privi- \nlege to be among them. If I had not been allowed to \ncome to the university, I think my Christianity would \nhave faded with my childhood. The church and the \nChristian Association have been a home place of rest \nto me. When I go to the meetings, tired and blue, I \nam nearly always refreshed and comforted. Since \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 211 \n\nI have been here I have realized also the opportunities \nfor service like wide open doors which stand before \nthe Christian. \n\n"Then, too, God has shown himself so clearly in \nour family affairs that I know how to trust him bet- \nter/\' \n\nPoverty was struggled with in this case. \n\n"I feel God drawing nearest when singing, espe- \ncially the hymns of many old associations. I don\'t \ncare for the new hymns. Also He is very genuine \nin testimony, especially when I am trying to help the \nlittle girls in my Sunday School class. God is good \nand I could not live without Him. My aim is to serve \nHim, to keep my life pure and helpful, to do my part \nand to leave the rest to Him. I have confidence that \nif I but fill my corner with work for His glory, he \nwill arrange my future." \n\nWhether or not the emerging individuality of \nthe child shall be held and harnessed by the family \nconsciousness, depends upon whether the family \nconsciousness is based on fellowship or whether it \nis based on authority. If the family is not able \nto relax its arbitrary authority after individu- \nality has emerged, friction and rebellion may be \nexpected. Then will follow a reaction from the \nstandards of the family. This reaction may be \nfrom what is considered "orthodox" to what is \nconsidered "liberal;" or in case the family au- \nthority is "liberal," the reaction may almost as \nreadily be to "orthodoxy." Much of the seething \n\n\n\n212 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nunrest in the family life and in the religious life, \nmay be traced to the growing habit of prolonging \nthe period of family authority. With the neces- \nsity of prolonging the period of financial depend- \nence in order that the children may receive the \nhigher education, has grown the impression that \nthe family conceptions as to what things are de- \nsirable and what things are hateful, should also be \nenforced upon the children. Disagreements arise \nwhich burst the bonds of family affection. Round \nabout sixteen years of age, individuality has \ntaken control of conduct. The only normal regu- \nlator of individuality is responsibility. If the \nattempt is made to substitute parental authority \nfor responsibility, difficult frictions arise which \ngenerally are not healed in a life time. \n\nThe two following experiences are used in illus- \ntration, because they were written by two girls, \nof the same age, of similar disposition, of equally \nvigorous mental endowment, from middle class \nhomes. They sat side by side in the class-rooms, \nin the church and in the meetings of the young \npeople. The necessity of "breaking" was the \nsame, but it happened that in one home the stand- \nard of enthusiasm was "orthodoxy" while in the \nother it was "liberality." The necessary sense \nof responsibility was attained by breaking the \nbonds of family authority. If with emerging in- \ndividuality, responsibility is not freely given, the \nnecessity of its attainment is such, that it will be \nseized at the cost of family harmony. \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 213 \n\nThe soul-tossed girl of the first experience is \nlike the tiny drop of water that reflects the uni- \nverse; she has toward things accepted as true, \nthat attitude of heresy which is troubling the \nwhole present generation. \n\n"As I think back into my childhood, there are very \nfew experiences which I remember before there had \ncome to me a definite sense of right and wrong, and \nI am sure that with the sense of right and wrong came \na feeling of the reality of God, \xe2\x80\x94 God, a Father in \nheaven, just as real as my earthly father. I was \nresponsible to this God for all my acts and he would \nsee to it that these were rewarded or punished. God \nseemed like a kind of invisible giant man to me. \n\n"I learned to read early, and I remember when I \nwas about seven years old, I read one of Miss Alcott\'s \nbooks in which a boy said he did not fear God, but \nloved Him. I had read about fearing God and keep- \ning his commandments, so I asked my father what it \nmeant to fear God. He said that it meant to respect \nand obey Him. I said that wasn\'t what I meant by \nfear, and that I, like the boy in the story, loved God \nbut did not fear Him. That moment, \xe2\x80\x94 though to \nthink of God as of love rather than as of fear is \nnot regarded as a heterodox doctrine to-day, \xe2\x80\x94 that \nmoment, an attitude of heresy toward the things ac- \ncepted as truth by my people, entered into my soul. \nThat attitude has been with me most of the time since, \nlike a wall built across the way of my full acceptance \nof the doctrines and ideals of my people. For the \nsake of feeling peace and harmony, I would be per- \nfectly willing to accept their doctrines, but I cannot \n\n\n\n214 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ndo it. I doubted small points at first, but didn\'t dare \nto think out very far from what I had been taught was \nthe truth. By the time deeper doubts came, I was \nnominally a Christian and a member of the church. \n\n"Before joining the church, I had no deep religious \nexperience. Growing up in a Christian home, attend- \ning church and Sunday School regularly, taught to \nlove Jesus as naturally and as early as I learned \nto love my relatives, at first I felt little difference \nbetween myself and other members. I supposed we \nwere all Christians because we were members. Later, \nthrough preaching of pastors, and talks of Sunday \nSchool teachers, I came to feel that there was a dif- \nference. The difference seemed less a question of \nwrongness or of rightness in the lives of the two \nclasses of individuals, than that Christians were \npeople who had \'gone forward\' in a revival meeting. \nI have always felt alienated and unhappy when pres- \nent upon such occasions. The only altar service that \never appealed to me as being beautiful and akin to my \nspirit, was two years ago at Trinity Church, when on \nEaster evening we knelt among the lilies. I never \nbefore wanted to \'go forward.\' One night, how- \never, I did stand up under an intense emotional stress, \ncaused by listening to a hell-fire revival sermon. I \nthink after that I did work a little more diligently at \nmy religion. I liked the communion service. At this \ntime I would try to square up accounts between my- \nself and my God. On many occasions I chafed under \nwhat I considered the arbitrary and narrow minded \nrules of the church. \n\n"The next fall after joining the church, I entered \nthe high school. My attitude of rebellion was nour- \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 215 \n\nished, for I began the study of the sciences under \nUnitarian influence. I began to doubt many things \nin the Bible, but I could not express my doubts at \nhome because of my father\'s rigid old-fashioned or- \nthodoxy. This made me doubt all the more. \n\n"After high school; I became a teacher. I joined \nthe Christian Endeavor for the influence I might have \nupon my pupils ; and because the pledge promised \nprayer and Bible reading daily, I read my Bible \nand tried to pray each day. From this time, there \ncame a change in my life and in my attitude toward \nmany things. Gradually there came a clearer, more \npositive religious life; at the same time, there came \ndeeper, more intense periods of intellectual doubt. \n\n"At times since, I have been so fully filled with a \nfeeling of spiritual insight and richness, that the \nwhole world seemed transformed to me. Perhaps a \nfew weeks later, I would be plunged into the depths of \ndespondency and doubt. I have not of late years had \na perfect, lasting faith in a real personal God. \n\n"I have no one habit through which God becomes \nmost real to me. Prayer is not generally a genuine \ntransaction to me. Testimony is more helpful to me \nthan is prayer. Sometimes God comes through ser- \nmons to me, and sometimes through songs. I have \ndone many things from the sense of duty, that might \nbe called service. While such service gives me the \nfeeling of satisfaction, I do not get out of it the \nexhilaration of joy. \n\n"These are all my doubts and difficulties; in all \nhonesty I mention them. They are beginning to drop \naway from me like the fog that belongs to the morn- \ning, but is gone in the clear shining of the noonday \n\n\n\n216 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nsun. More constantly there grows before me the \nhope of making my life lovely. More constantly I \nam in the attitude of reverence before the conception \nof making myself a true bearer of the lovely spirit \nof Christ. I feel myself like an artist striving to be \nworthy to paint a great picture. The ministrations \nof Trinity Church have led me out of the harsh re- \ngion of doubts, and have laid upon me the necessity \nof striving for spiritual loveliness. I am beginning \nto idealize the family, so that my father\'s orthodoxy \nis becoming interesting to me like a family heirloom." \n\nThe following* letter was written from the \nhome environment during the long vacation. It \nis selected from the collection of experiences be- \ncause in it is a break with "liberality." Such is \nthe necessity of an emerging personality to accept \nas authority its own experiences, that it is often \nnecessary to break with any family ideal that has \nbeen vigorously enforced. \n\n"I have had the intention for some time of respond- \ning to your call for a frank account of my religious \nexperience. I owe so much to Trinity Church that \nI cannot disregard any such request; God has been \ndoing things for me. \n\n"When I first came into the church, I had ac- \nquired from my mother many prejudices against the \n\'superstitions\' and \'restrictions\' of the Methodists. \nI determined not to let \'narrow-minded\' people in- \nfluence me, and not to let my religion interfere with \nmy pleasures. I have been trained to detest narrow- \nmindedness. Dr. Jordan has been held up to me as \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR 217 \n\nindeed David All-Star Jordan, a hero of my mother\'s, \nand consequently of mine. I have always wanted to \nbe wide and noble-minded like him. I knew he \ndidn\'t believe as Christians do, but I thought he \nwould probably occupy a higher seat in heaven than \nmany narrow-minded Methodists whom I knew. I \ncould see no harm in dancing, playing cards and \ntheater-going. The old ladies to whom * worldly \npleasures \' were an abomination, aroused antagonisms \nin me, and I became bitterly rebellious. \n\n"About a month ago the subject at the Epworth \nLeague meeting was a Christian\'s pleasures. The \ntalk was on hindrances to spirituality, and the refus- \ning to be conformed to the will of God. My heart \nbeat like a trip-hammer. As soon as the leader fin- \nished speaking, something pushed me up on my feet, \nand then and there I confessed my sin, and I openly \nresolved to seek God\'s will in all things thereafter \nand not my own. At that moment I entered a new \nworld. If it had been in Peter Cartwright\'s time, I \nwould probably have shouted; it would have been a \nrelief. As it was, I trembled like a leaf for about \nfifteen minutes. \n\n"When I told my mother, there happened just what \nI had expected and had dreaded. She thought I was \ngoing insane, and became bitter toward the church for \nthus leading me on. She suffered dreadfully. It \nseemed to her that a great gulf had opened up be- \ntween her and her daughter, for she knew that hence- \nforth all our views would be different. For two \nnights we argued the matter, mamma imploring me \nwith tears not to \'shut myself up from all the pleas- \nure in life.\' She had nervous attacks. I feared at \n\n\n\n218 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ntimes she would die, but I knew that if she had been \ndying, I could not have changed my decision. I felt \nnumbed, and I lived in a sort of trance. After three \ndays had passed, we decided to consult a Christian \nfriend whom we both trusted. That good woman \nsoothed mamma, and though she could not show her \nher mistake, she at least made her feel somewhat more \nreconciled. She put new strength into me, and en- \ncouraged me to keep close to God. Since then, things \nhave gradually been coming right through God\'s prov- \nidence. \n\n"Through this experience I have learned many \ntruths that I knew not before. I have learned \'who- \nsoever he be of you that renounceth not all that he \nhath, cannot be my disciple.\' When I made my \nconfession that night, I did not merely renounce danc- \ning; I gave up the world, decided forever between \nGod and mammon. \n\n"Day by day I have been learning more of the \nfullness of the Christian life. The Bible means \nmuch more to me. It is as if God\'s words had been \nintensified. There are such wonderful promises ! \nAnd there are such plain commandments ! I am \nburning to do His work. When I think of my own \ninability, I am appalled. Then, however, comes the \nthought that His strength is made perfect in my \nweakness. So when He calls, I am going. I have \nsaid, \'Here am I, Lord, send me.\' I have been de- \nvouring what missionary literature I can get hold of. \nIt takes vital hold on me. The \'evangelization of the \nworld in this generation\' rings like glory bells in my \nmind. With God\'s help and His guidance, every act \nof my life shall be performed with this mighty pur- \npose in view. \n\n\n\nTHE TURBULENT BAR \xc2\xa319 \n\n"It is my great wish to become a Volunteer, but I \nhave been held back by the fear of breaking my moth- \ner\'s heart. I feel that God does not yet want me to \nsay, \'I volunteer to go to the foreign fields\'; but I \ndo say, \'I volunteer to go where God wants me to go, \nwherever that may be.\' If God ever reveals to me \nthat it is His will that I go to the foreign field, with- \nout hesitation, I will go, knowing that he will remove \nall obstacles. If it is His will that I go, I could \nforsake houses and lands, brothers and sisters for the \nKingdom of God\'s sake. \n\n"I feel that I can tell you about my experience at \nhome because I know that you will not misjudge my \nmother. I feel that in His own good time God will \nreveal things to my mother also, and then we will \nhave a deeper fellowship than ever before. I shall \nbe glad when the time comes to return to the Uni- \nversity and to Trinity Church. I am thirsty for the \nsprings of spiritual life which I found there." \n\nIn these written testimonies of the young peo- \nple, it will be noticed that the question of amuse- \nments seems often to arise, and it will be won- \ndered if the church with which they were affiliated \nwas campaigning against amusements. As a \nmatter of fact the question was rarely mentioned \nin the church, and then the problem of right and \nwrong was always put upon the individual con- \nscience. It is not altogether accidental that this \nquestion bulks so large in the testimonies of the \nyoung people. Regardless of the discussion of \nthe inherent rightness or wrongness of dancing, \n\n\n\nTHE PILOT FLAME \n\nthe willingness to give up this pleasure furnishes \na test of devotion. Something to be overcome, to \nbe given up, to be denied, self to be sacrificed after \na definite fashion, answers to a necessity of the \nreligious experience. Jesus says, He who would \nbe my disciple, let him take up his cross and fol- \nlow Me. The taking up of the cross, the feel- \ning of the weight upon the shoulders, would ap- \npear to be the necessary preparation for the \n"follow Me." Especially in university life, the \ngiving up of dancing is a cross ready prepared, \nstanding by the wayside. The bearing of this \ncross provides a considerable weight upon the \nshoulders ; it provides a genuine preparation for \nentrance into the experience of "following Me." \n\n\n\nCHAPTER VII \nDARK TILL JESUS COMES \n\nThe Sixth Chapter of John\'s gospel contains \nthe account of two occasions when Jesus harshly \nand abruptly refused to serve the people. It is \nthe explanation of how he lost his crowd. There- \nafter the many went back and ceased to follow \nafter Him. \n\nHe had said to his disciples, let us go apart \nand rest a while, and they had set off for a picnic \non the far side of the Lake. But just then \nJesus was too popular, because of the wonderful \ncures of the sick. The crowds followed, press- \ning around Him. They brought their diseases \nand wretchednesses, clamorous and boisterous. \nAll day he healed them and taught them ; all day \nhe poured out his power to fill up their weakness, \nfor he saw them as sheep without a shepherd. \nMoved by His own compassion, Jesus poured out \nan intoxicating amount of power that day. The \npeople were to Him the sheep of his pasture, and \nHe took care of them as His own. \n\nSheep always make the appeal of helplessness. \n\nOne time in driving through the Coconino forest, \n\nthe largest stretch of unbroken timber in our \n\ncountry, I observed the life of the creatures. All \n\nthe birds knew how to find the berries, the haws \n221 \n\n\n\n222 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nand the isolated water holes ; there are no springs \nor streams in the great forest, but when during \nthe unbroken summer the little pools in the rocks \ndried up, the birds could come with unerring flight \nfor fifty miles to the tanks. The cattle took care \nof themselves ; they found all the good pasturage \nwithin a day\'s journey of the watering troughs; \nthey never wandered into the wilderness, nor lost \ntheir way. They might go five miles, but they \nknew when to turn back to water. They knew \nhow to care for the weakness of their little ones. \nOne mother cow would take care of a whole group \nof little calves while the mothers went back to \ndrink. And the horses are just as wise, \xe2\x80\x94 they \nran in little bands and came in to the water tanks \nat regular intervals of a day and a half. When \nthe riding horses were hobbled out over night, to \nfind them in the morning, you had to follow the \nline of the best pasturage. But the sheep must \nhave the shepherd always with them. He makes \nhis bed with them at night, and by day he stays \nalways with his one flock. He must find them \nfood ; he must find them a place to rest and make \nthem lie down, and he must drive them to the \nwater. If the sheep are left to themselves they \ndo not find the rich grass ; they do not return to \nthe place where they have found water and been \nsatisfied; they wander away into the burned and \nrocky places, and bleating, lost, alone, they lie \ndown and perish in the vast wilderness. \n\nJesus saw much people as His sheep that were \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 223 \n\nhungry. He caused them to sit down where \nthere was much grass, just like the shepherd \ncauses the sheep to rest when he has found a good \nplace. And he fed them all, out of the bounty of \nhis method of breaking a few barley loaves and \nfishes. When they had eaten and were boisterous, \nthey would take Him by violence and make Him a \nking, to lead a forlorn revolt and set up some \nnew tyrant to fleece the poor sheep. Such was \ntheir interpretation of His Kingdom. \n\nAnd Jesus withdrew Himself, far away into the \nmountains alone. \n\nThe next day, they press into the Capernaum \nsynagogue with the same purpose. The memory \nof free bread had strengthened their determina- \ntion. Jesus tells them that He will not provide \nany more free bread, but that he will give them \neternal life. They demand to know what they \nshall do, and he tells them to believe on Him. \nThe multitude is angry, feeling that they have \nbeen fooled by an impracticable fellow who talks \nabout heavenly bread instead of using His new \nprocess to multiply barley loaves. Shuffling feet \nof the multitude press out. They follow no \nmore after Him. \n\nBetween these two harsh days when Jesus saw \nthe people as His sheep, and the people saw Jesus \nas a bread king, occurs a tender interval, setting \nforth the manner in which Jesus comes, and the \nkind of work He does in the world. If the de- \ntails that belong to the night and to Galilee are \n\n\n\n224 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ndropped out, and the essential facts of this com- \ning of Jesus are written in italics, as is done in \nthe following quotation, it will be readily seen \nthat every phase of the religious experience toil- \nsomely collected from the lives of the people, cor- \nresponds in a marvelous manner with this coming \nof Jesus. \n\n"And when even was now come, his disciples went \ndown unto the sea; and entered into a ship, and went \nover the sea toward Capernaum. And it was now \ndark, and Jesus was not come to them. And the sea \narose by reason of the great wind that blew. So \nwhen they had rowed about five and twenty or thirty \nfurlongs, they see Jesus, walking on the sea, and \ndrawing nigh unto the ship; and they were afraid. \nBut he said unto them, \'It is I; be not afraid.\' \nThen they willingly received Him into the ship; and \nimmediately the ship was at the land whither they \nwent." \n\nBy gathering up the italics, we get the uni- \nversal statement. It is dark when Jesus has \nnot come. They were afraid. They see Jesus. \nThey willingly receive Him. Immediately the \nship is at the land whither they went. \n\n1. It is dark when Jesus has not come. They \nwere afraid. Some critics have thought that the \ndisciples saw Jesus walking on the shore, which \nwas nearer than they supposed, and some have \nthought that there was not sufficient need to \njustify a miracle. But the incident is like the \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 225 \n\nJesus which the heart knows. Peter and John \nand the rest were afraid out there on the Lake; \nthe wind was against them; they had rowed far \ninto the darkness and the night, and they had \nnot made any shore. They were afraid. What \nneed is greater than fear? \n\nI would rather be hungry than be afraid; I \nwould rather have a sharp toothache than be \nafraid. I remember one time when I was a little \nboy, and had a brother and some sisters still \nsmaller, father and mother went away one after- \nnoon and left us. As it came on toward evening, \nthere was a storm. The thunder was so near, it \nshook the house, and I thought the lightning \nstruck a tree down in the pasture. Suddenly it \nwas dark ; we crouched by the hearth ; as the fire \ngot low, we were afraid to go out for more wood; \nwe all huddled in the bed and put the cover over \nour heads, and clung to each other, scarcely dar- \ning to breathe in the darkness and the cold. As \nwe huddled there in the darkness, I heard Father \nsay "whoa" to the horses. I can remember yet \nthe flooding joy of relief. I jumped out of the \nbed, ran to the woodshed, brought the wood, blew \nupon the coals, and immediately there was light \nand warmth and happiness. \n\nI understand how Peter and John and the \nothers felt out there on the Lake in the darkness \nand the wind. The storm had gathered high up \nin the mountains, where the wild mad power of \ndiffering streams of atmosphere had let itself \n\n\n\n226 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nloose, and the naked force of the thunderbolts beat \non the mountain crests. When the fury of these \nforces of difference was full, driving the unre- \nsisting rain before them, they rushed down the \nsteep gorges, laying low the fields of Gennesa- \nreth, where the close standing stalks of wheat \nwere bending with the weight of the ripening \ngrain, and with unbound fury the storm falls \nupon the sea. Galilee, by day so blue and famil- \niar, the place where the fishermen toil for their \ndaily food, is whipped into a mass of churning \nwaves. The wind and the rain marshaling their \nforces from opposing directions, make the place \nof peaceful industry their battlefield. It is all \nright, not much harm is done, so long as these \nforces contend among themselves. Out there in \nthe turmoil and darkness is a boat, and in the \nboat are men. They are not foolish nor igno- \nrant men ; they know the sea ; it is the place of \ntheir daily labor. Because they know it and its \ntreachery, they are afraid. Their oars beat the \nwaves in impotent weariness; they are unable \nto contend with the forces let loose around \nthem; they cannot reach the farther shore, nor \ncan they return to the shore from whence they \ncame. \n\nOh, the many wide Galilean seas, the many \ndark nights, the many contrary winds that sweep \ndown from the mountains of contending leader- \nship through the gorges of custom, and fall upon \nthe little boats that struggle ! Oh, the many men \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 227 \n\nfar out on the deeps of life, attempting to cross \nto the farther shore in the darkness of unfaith, \noverwhelmed by the unbound greed and ambition \nwhich has gathered fury in the ruling classes \nabove ; beating against the contrary winds of \nweakness and overwork, hopes and aspirations \nunattained ! For it is now dark, and Jesus is not \ncome! \n\nThey have no hope that Jesus will come, for \nthey have left him far away in the mountain of \nmiracle and of prayer ; they saw Him as He van- \nished in the glory of the sunset colors, and they \ncame away and left Him, and it is now dark. \nHow can he come? There is no other boat, and \nif he should find another boat, how could a single \nrower make his way out to them? If he should \ncome, what good would it do? It would make the \nload in the boat heavier, and wind and darkness \nwould still be there. \n\nSo says the soul, out on the wide dark ways of \ncustom and of circumstance. It is dark and I am \nafraid. Yet I expect no help. There is no other \nboat. How can He cross to me? I see no way \nin which the Man of Galilee can come across the \ntwo centuries and live again for me. He is gone. \nIt is true, I can look back and see Him in those \ndim ages of miracle and prayer, wrapped in the \nsunset glory of myth and devotion, standing high \namid the clouds of mediaeval faith, but the world \nhas left Him there. He cannot come to me. He \nis but a single rower. I have been carried along \n\n\n\nTHE PILOT FLAME \n\nby the strain, stretch, struggle, of all the ages. \nHand-toil, brain-toil, battle-energy, have gone to \nfashion me, and these turmoils of all the ages have \npushed me far out on the deep ways of life. How- \nis it possible that one frail pair of oars, worked \nby faith and joy and love, can beat against the \ncontrary winds, when the oars pulled by the \nstrong and many arms have failed? If Jesus \nshould come, what difference would it make? I \nwould still have to work and toil and suffer; the \nservice of Him implies certain conventional obli- \ngations which would but further burden my al- \nready difficult life. He would be one more in the \nboat, and the load would be heavier. No, it is \nno use. I expect when I am no longer able to \ntoil, and the contrary winds blow yet more \nfiercely, I shall go down out here in the deeps of \nthe sea. I can see no farther shore. I hardly \nbelieve there is any. It is dark, and Jesus does \nnot come. \n\nIn a few matters of their fundamental nature \nall men are alike, whether they be our best racial \nmixture products of economic plenty, of moral \nfiber and of spiritual aspiration, or whether they \nbe gendered in the teeming low life of tropical \nAfrica, or glimmer into existence in the static \norient. One of the matters of fundamental na- \nture is this: With all men it is dark and they \nare afraid, when Jesus is not yet come. This is \nthe true summary of all the investigations of the \nreligious nature. In order to establish this deep \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 229 \n\nfundamental fact of the religious nature, we have \nbut to consider the summary of many careful in- \nvestigations which have been made. \n\nThere are the famous conclusions of Professor \nJames, which have never been whittled down by \nfurther investigations, but have been built upon \nand substantiated until they have become the sure \nfoundations of the comprehension of the religious \nnature. His conclusion of the whole matter is \nthat man, the general species of him, has a feel- \ning of incompleteness ; he has a sure conscious- \nness that there is something wrong with him, that \nhe is in the dark. This much when he is upon the \nfair seas of living. In time of stress, or sor- \nrow or bereavement, this feeling amounts to an \nagony, a desolation, a fear. Every man\'s soul \nis the little boat far out in the turmoil of black \nwaters. The calm unexaggerated conclusion \nwhich we can obtain from the extensive study of \nthe interior consciousness of the men and women \nwho are in the churches to-day, is as follows : \nWhen they are children, being reared in the sin- \ncere type of Christian home, they have a feeling \nof oughtness impelling them toward Jesus and the \nobligations of righteousness. When you light a \ncandle, there is something in a moth that impels \nhim to fly toward it. This instinct may be an in- \nherited intelligence, which manifests itself in a \nchemical reaction. The light affects the moth, \nso that it is obliged to fly toward it. The light \nof the gospel, burning in the Christian home, af- \n\n\n\nTHE PILOT FLAME \n\nfects the soul of the child, until it is impelled to \nmake some response to it. The childhood feeling \nof oughtness if not satisfied in a personal ratifica- \ntion, develops into a restless hunger, a longing, \na desolation, a fear. It is true, it may be long \nstifled by the pressure of other interests. It may \nbe covered over with cinders and lava of burned \nout desires, but far down below the restless heart \nstill glows, at least through the third decade of \nlife. This much we know, not by the imposition \nof established theologies, nor by the application \nof any theories of psychology, nor by causing the \npeople to deceive themselves with set phrases. \nThis much we know, by the careful study and \ncomparison of a large volume of cases collected \nfrom honest and intelligent people of the modern \nmind. All of civilization, all of inherited excel- \nlence, all of education, cannot light the darkness \nand relieve the fears of us men, if Jesus is not yet \ncome. \n\nTo establish the fact upon a world-wide basis, \nthat it is dark and men are afraid when Jesus \nhas not yet come, we now have that report of \nCommission Four of the World Missionary \nConference, upon "The Missionary Message" \nwhich is an investigation of Christianity in its \nconflict with all non- Christian religions. This \nmarvelous report contains new facts which have \nnot yet been thought into our practicing theolo- \ngies. The assimilation of these facts will help to \nprovide that living theology which we must have, \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 231 \n\nif we are to ferment a living faith. More than \ntwo hundred carefully written documents, pre- \npared out of a whole life of keen contact with the \nreligious consciousness of the peoples of all non- \nChristian countries, has gone to swell the voices \nof this testimony. When more than two hun- \ndred missionaries of all denominations unite to tell \nus something of the fundamental religious nature \nof man, we can receive their testimony as final \nestablished fact. When the ancient Roman Em- \npire had conquered many peoples, there arose the \nnecessity of a fundamental law by which to govern \nthem. The codes of all the provinces were col- \nlected, and compared, and what they had in com- \nmon was established as the jus jurii, and the jus \njurii is still the foundation of the common law. \nThis "Missionary Message" is the jus jurii of \nChristian theology. From it we can gather the \nfundamental uniformities of the religious nature, \nand thus we can arrive at a common living theol- \nogy- \n\nFor purposes of testimony the religions of the \nnon-Christian world fall into five classes, the ani- \nmistic, the Chinese, the Japanese, Islam and \nHinduism. Each one of these religions is a liv- \ning faith in proportion as it succeeds in unifying \nthe interior life by relieving fear. \n\nThe animistic religions yield most readily to \nthe Gospel, because their scheme of relieving fear \nis so inadequate. Upon wide testimony it is es- \ntablished that the truth of the Gospel that makes \n\n\n\nTHE PILOT FLAME \n\nmost powerful appeal to the animistic peoples is \nthe unity and omnipotence of God. "The analy- \nsis of the religious experience of converts given \nby Warneck and Moody, and corroborated by sat- \nisfactory evidence from China, India (hill tribes) \nand Central Africa, and in a remarkable way by \nrecent independent testimony from Korea, makes \nthe reason plain. To the animist the world is \npeopled by many unseen beings, who are envious \nof the living, and who, unless propitiated, strike \nthem with disease and calamity. The whole life \nof the animist therefore lies under an incubus of \nterror. He may propitiate some, but he cannot \npropitiate all. . . . Hence the message of \none Almighty God comes as good tidings of great \njoy. The climax of the Gospel is that this God \nof love has not only the power, but the will to \nprotect His worshipers. The love becomes real, \nit becomes possible to realize it through Christ. \nThe picture which the testimonies give of the re- \nlief and abounding gladness which this brings the \nanimist is profoundly impressive. The spell of \nthe reign of terror is broken, and the new life is \na jubilee of liberty and joy. At first, there is \nlittle sense of sin. . . . The Battak convert \nretains the simplicity of his faith. He takes all \nhis earthly troubles to his great Protector and \nFather, as well as his inner conflicts. He believes \nprofoundly in prayer, and his faith is often strik- \ningly verified. God proves Himself a reality \nwithin the world of nature and circumstances to \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES \n\nthe appeal of childlike faith." (Missionary Mes- \nsage, p. 219.) \n\nThe sustaining element of the Chinese religion \nis ancestor worship, which is a palliative but not \na full deliverance from fear and interior con- \nfusion. "The nerve of ancestor worship lies in \nthe conception that the ancestor still exists, and \nis dependent in the unseen world on the reverence \nof his descendants, and that in turn he can con- \ntrol their destiny." "Its power of resistance to \nthe Gospel is due to the way in which through the \nages it has become inwoven into the very texture \nof Chinese society, so that for a man to become \na Christian is well nigh to become an outlaw." \n"Still another factor in the religious situation \nis the existence of powerful sects which have left \nthe ancient religions, out of discontent with their \nspiritual insufficiency. It is from these, in con- \nsiderable measure, that Christians have been re- \ncruited." \n\nIf we substitute for the family ancestors as the \novershadowing benevolence, the feeling of patri- \notism, we come to the strength of the Japanese re- \nligion. To a remarkable degree the individual \nis bound by the family, and the family by the \nstate. The converts to Christianity are mainly \nfrom men who under industrial pressure have \nmigrated from their own district, and thus \nbroken away from the feeling of control and \nrelatedness. Being swaddled close in the bands \nof the family and the state, somewhat of the \n\n\n\n234 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ndesolation of darkness and loneliness is mitigated. \n\nAll the reports of Islam show it to be a more \nvital faith, with greater resistance to Chris- \ntianity. The psychological study of Islam shows \nhow closely it corresponds with Judiasm, and it \nmay be best understood by remembering Paul\'s \ngreat discourse between the difference of being \n"under the law" and "under grace." Its hard \nlegalism with its outward conformity to law, pro- \nduces spiritual pride in some, and in others that \ndeep spiritual discontent with the exile from God. \nThe reports show in Sufism and in the remark- \nable and imperfectly understood Bahai movement, \nwhich is spreading so widely in the nearer East, \nand in the practice of the Zigr in Egypt, that \nlonging for a more vital union with God than can \nbe won through the Law, has broken the iron \nbonds of Moslem orthodoxy. \n\nThe testimonies upon Hinduism show a vast \nand developed consciousness of the unseen, which \nis yet formless and void because it lacks roots \nin the historical Christ, and because it is not \nfirmly welded to betterment activities. Hinduism \nis a vast tapping of unseen power, it is the dis- \ncovery of the natural gas of faith, but this great \nvolume of power pours out into the atmosphere \nand is dissipated, useless and lost. Not till this \nfaith shall be rooted in the historical Christ, and \nshall be capped and piped into the service of bet- \nterment works, shall it be of any avail in the lives \nof men. \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 235 \n\nThe comparative study of this marvelous col- \nlection of testimonies sets up in clear, strong per- \nmanent outline not only the missionary message, \nbut the gospel message. It is dark, when Jesus \nis not yet come. Men are afraid. The vast \nfabrics of the non-Christian religions are clumsy \ndevices to supply a genuine need. They are like \nthe tallow candle as a method of lighting; the \nslow turning clumsy water wheel as a method of \nraising water, the wheelbarrow as a transporta- \ntion system. Korea, probably more remarkably \nthan any other country, has taken the great leap \nfrom tallow candles to electric lights ; from the \nwaterwheel to mountain water, stored, filtered and \npiped into each dwelling, and from the wheel- \nbarrow to the express train for transportation, \nand more remarkably than any other country, she \nhas made the leap from animistic fear to safety \nin the arms of Jesus. \n\nThe burning words of the naming apostle, Wil- \nlis R. Hotchkiss, of the Friends African Indus- \ntrial Mission, summarize the darkness and the \nfear. "Go where you will, here in the homeland, \nor in the meanest jungle hut in Central Africa, \nyou will find that men are conscious of God ; they \nare conscious also that there is something wrong \nwithin themselves, and that they must strive in \nsome way to find a meeting place with God. This \nis the explanation of the myriad forms of \nreligions in heathen lands, for every superstitious \nrite and ceremony of heathendom. Every idol \n\n\n\n236 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nbefore which millions are bowing down in abject \nslavery of spirit, every horrid orgy that racks the \nworld with pain and deluges it with blood, is but \na testimony to the universal God-consciousness, \nthe wail of the universal need. I have seen the \nAfrican women dance hour after hour, day after \nday, until one after another fell in convulsions at \nmy feet. Why? Simply the blind, deluded ef- \nfort of these denizens of the Dark Continent to \nsatisfy that imperious need." \n\nWe have this testimony from the mouths of \nmany witnesses and observers, until we can best \ndifferentiate the species of man by calling him \n"the God-conscious animal." \n\nThe soul darkness of many peoples has been \ngiven first mention because it is the essential dark- \nness. "If the light that is within be darkness, \nhow great is that darkness." How dark it is \nwhen Jesus is not yet come was realized by Isaiah \nwhen he said, "We wait for light, but behold ob- \nscurity; for brightness, but we walk in darkness. \nWe grope for the wall like the blind, and we \ngrope as if we had no eyes ; we stumble at noon- \nday as in the night; we are in desolate places \nas dead men." \n\nThere is another kind of darkness that appeals \nto many with more insistence than soul darkness, \nand that is the darkness of circumstances. The \nsouls of those who sit in darkness are numb and \ndumb; their wild strivings for expression are \nhard for us to interpret, but the appeal of the \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 237 \n\ndarkness of circumstances comes up from every \nun-Christed land. \n\nPerceiving the circumstance darkness of the \nlands where Jesus has not yet come, is now the \neducation of the church. We are made to hear \nthe wail of the widows in India, who in the days \nof childhood become a curse and a reproach, who, \nwhile their sisters adorn themselves with the gar- \nments of good cheer, must sit by themselves and \nweep. We are made to hear the cry of the in- \nnumerable women "Behind the Curtains," that \nthe hard taskmasters of tradition and custom may \nlet them out to see the big beautiful world before \nthey pass from it. They hear the music and \ngayety of the banquet of life going on below, while \nthey are shut in a dark and desolate little closet \nupstairs. The whole church is made to see the \nbones of famine children, sticking out through \ntheir skin, asking for mush first, and then for care \nand culture and Christ. The scum of the famines \nof fifteen or twenty years ago, the waif children \ngiven to the missions, have now become the torch \nbearers in their worlds. \n\nThe appalling poverty and benumbing drudg- \nery in which the bulk of the people in the orient \nmust live makes a great darkness. It is worth all \nof missionary effort yet made in China to break \nthe power of the dragon and enable China to \nwarm herself with her own coal. The degree in \nwhich the gospel has penetrated in China may be \nmeasured by the degree in which the people have \n\n\n\n238 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ntheir fears of the dragon so far relieved that they \nget out their own coal with which to warm them- \nselves. Through the six thousand years of \nChina\'s benumbing torpor, the dragon of fear has \nkept under his claws the vast coal deposits, the \nwidest and deepest veins in the world. \n\nIf every time you meet a missionary from \nChina, you will ask him to tell you an episode \nshowing how the people value coal, which should \nbe as abundant as in our coal regions, you will \nhave a test by which to teach you the power of \nthe old dragon of fear. The last two mission- \naries I asked gave these episodes. One said, "I \nhave seen an old woman, blind, sitting in the \nmidst of a stubble field on a cold bleak winter \nday, trying to gather stubble sufficient to warm \nher brick bed and heat some water for her tea, \nwhile immediately under the field where she felt \naround for stubble were wide untouched veins of \ncoal." Another missionary from the richest prov- \nince of China said, "We always turn out the ashes \nwithout sifting, although coal is expensive, be- \ncause the old women come and patiently pick \nover the ashes, looking for bits of cinder that will \nburn. If they can get a few coals, they are so \ngrateful it gives us access into their lives." \n\nWhen Jesus shall be at last seen, coming across \nthe dark waters in China, then will the power of \nthe dragon be broken and the people will be able \nto warm themselves with their own coal, and for \nmany millions the darkness of exceeding poverty \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 239 \n\nwill be gone. Yet it is still dark on many a great \nGalilean Sea, and there be many little boats bat- \ntling with the contrary winds, for Jesus is not yet \ncome to them. \n\nNor do they expect Him. The disciples out in \nthe little boat did not comprehend the possibili- \nties of the divine. They had seen Jesus heal the \nsick all day, and feed the five thousand by break- \ning five barley loaves and two small fishes, but \nthey did not expect Him to come to them. Their \nsituation is peculiarly difficult ; there is no way of \ngetting into communication with Jesus ; he is far \naway in the mountains. \n\nTo expect Jesus, though vaguely and uncer- \ntainly, is great gain. It was the hope of the \nMessiah that made a chosen people. In all out- \nward matters of race and ability, the Hebrews \nwere not different from the warring Semetic \ntribes that surrounded them ; indeed, in many as- \npects they seem inferior. They had not the com- \nmercial ability or the seafaring skill of their \nnearest neighbors, the Phoenicians, they never \nassimilated the culture and formal refinement, \nnor the facility at government of the Egyptians ; \nnor did they attain the abundant life of wealth \nwhich the Babylonians drew from their grain \nfields like tawny seas and their irrigated \norchards. They had but this one imperishable \nvirtue, they expected the Messiah. At times the \nbulk of the people were drawn away after Baal, \nMammon and Moloch; but always carried along \n\n\n\n240 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nfrom mouth to mouth of the prophets, is the \nclearly expressed expectation of the Messiah, the \nclear faith that when the people reached their ex- \ntremity, there they would find their God. This \nexpectation was great gain. While the proud \ncity of the Phoenicians has become a place where \nthe fishermen dry their nets, and we pray to be \nsaved from that commercial pomp that shall make \nus one with Nineveh and Tyre; while Babylon \nis dust heaps, which we turn over if, perchance, \nfrom her venerable libraries and her well codi- \nfied laws, the outlines of her deified brick walls \nand the corners of her ziggerats, we may let loose \nsome fresh rays of light on those insignificant \nlittle neighbors who expected the Messiah; \nwhile we know Egypt only from her graves and \nher mummies and the mutilated statuary which \nthe ever encroaching sands have covered and pre- \nserved, while time and dust and sand have been \nobliterating the places of wealth and pride and \npower, \xe2\x80\x94 the children of the promise, the little \ncompany of the God-seers, who saw the light and \ngreeted it from afar, they have taught the world \nto praise and to pray; they have put into the \nmouths of that unnumbered congregation that as- \nsembles under every sun and sings in every \ntongue, the words of exultant gladness and grati- \ntude to Him who sent us the Messiah; they will \nyet gather the whole world together around the \nfeet of God with their words of penitence for \nsins, sorrow for weakness, merging always into \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 241 \n\nthe confidence of faith and strength and power \nreceived. \n\nTo be great enough to expect the Christ is to \nbe of His fellowship and kind. There are a few \nrare souls among non-Christian peoples who have \nundoubtedly been of the fellowship of the Christ. \nIn one of the ancient palaces of the Babylonian \nruins were found terra cotta drain pipes, showing \nthat the king\'s home had a water system. The \nglory of our age is not a water system for a pal- \nace, but water systems for all the people. The \nglory of Jesus is His availability for the mass of \nsimple toilers everywhere, who would never be \nable to come to any comprehension of God, if \nthey did not first see Jesus. The great difficulty \nof bringing Jesus to alien lands, is that they don\'t \nexpect Him. And when they don\'t expect Him, \nthey don\'t want Him. That same rage which \nPaul encountered at Athens and Corinth, finds \nexpression in a Boxer Rebellion. \n\nThe sea arose by reason of the great wind that \nblew. They rowed five and twenty or thirty fur- \nlongs. They rowed enough to get across the \nlake ; they put forth enough effort to have many \ntimes crossed the lake. On any shore where the \nwaves break in endless procession and slide back \npurposeless into the deeps, the longing arises to \nconnect the power here wasted to some useful ac- \ncomplishment. Just as the waves gather them- \nselves to their crest, break upon the shore and \nslide back into nothingness, so lives that are not \n\n\n\n242 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nwelded to an eternal purpose by the vision of \nJesus, come to the crest of their growth, break in \ndeath and slide back into nothingness. The \nwaste of life and effort that is not controlled by \nthe vision of Jesus is the most tremendous squan- \ndering of the natural resources of the soul. Any \nother waste become trivial beside it. \n\nThat night on Galilee, with the black water fall- \ning into the boat, they see Jesus, walking on the \nsea, and drawing nigh unto the ship. It was a \nbreathless sight. To see Jesus in any of his as- \npects is an experience so great as to summarize it- \nself into a feeling. But He said unto them, "It \nis I; be not afraid." Then they willingly re- \nceived Him into the ship. \n\nTo truly perceive the personality of Jesus is. \nalways among men followed by the willingness to \nreceive Him into the ship. When they saw him \nupon the water, they thought Him a spirit, and \nhe would have passed by, being judged by the \ndisciples as one of the additional terrors of the \nnight. Many times Jesus is let to pass by, be- \ncause upon Him is reflected from the mind which \nbeholds Him the shadow of impressions alien and \nclammy, associated with graves and terrors. Je- \nsus is natural and friendly, like the sunshine and \nthe flowers, like all the simple, joyous facts of \nfriends and love and home and hope. He offers \nhimself so simply. "It is I; be not afraid." \nWhen Jesus comes, it is like that everywhere. He \ndoes not find fault that he was not expected nor \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 243 \n\nseen sooner; he does not say, "Clean out the boat \nso that it shall be a fit place for me, repent in \nsackcloth and ashes." He does not say anything \nabout the clumsy use of oars, nor does he ex- \nplain how it happened that the contrary winds \ncame down from the mountains. He just offers \nHimself, "It is I; be not afraid." \n\nThe failure to willingly receive Jesus is because \nHe is not truly seen. If between the appearance \nof Jesus and the consciousness of him who be- \nholds there rises the fog of the chill suspicion that \nhe is an alien spirit, or if the boisterous waves \nmake possible only a distorted glimpse of Him, \nthen there will be refusal to receive Him into the \nboat. \n\nAgain the evidence which established this fact \nmay be taken from the "Missionary Message" \nwith its more than two hundred testimonials as \nto what has been found the chief hindrances in \nthe way of the full acceptance of Christianity. \n\nThe Chinese see Jesus as not of their family, \nand the Japanese see Him as not of their race. \nHe is to them an alien spirit, and for this reason \nthey will not receive Him into their boat. Islam \nis the only religion which aggressively rejects \nJesus, and we quote a paragraph to show that it \nis a distorted aspect of Jesus which causes the \nmost vital non-Christian religion to refuse to re- \nceive Him into their boat. (Missionary Message, \np. 24*3.) "When we inquire into Mohammed\'s \nrejection of Christianity, we find that he never \n\n\n\n244 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nhad anything but the most perverted idea of what \nChristianity really was. The Christianity which \nhe rejected was a very debased type, half poly- \ntheistic in its theology, superstitious in its wor- \nship, and with a sacred history encrusted with \npuerile legends. He had evidently never read the \nNew Testament, and his conception of Jesus is \nlargely derived from the Apocryphal Gospels. It \nis not therefore historically just to say that Mo- \nhammed rejected Christ. Suppose that to-day \nthere were to arise a great religious genius among \nthe peoples of the Congo, suppose that all that he \nknew of Jesus Christ was what he could learn from \nthose representatives of His who condoned the \npolicy of King Leopold, would it be just to say \nof the religion that he founded that it rejected \nChristianity? The Moslem rejection of Christi- \nanity rests upon that fatal misunderstanding of \nwhat Christianity is which is revealed in the \nKoran. It remains tragically true that had the \nChurch of Syria been faithful to its Master the \nreproach of Islam had never been lain upon Chris- \ntendom. The thought has somber consequences. \nNew religions may be maturing which in like man- \nner will be \'anti-Christian\' and stand in future \ncenturies as a barrier in the way of winning the \nworld." \n\nOne summarizing sentence will be quoted from \nthe conclusions as to Hinduism, showing how mani- \nfold and terrible evils have arisen out of a dis- \ntorted view of God. "Our correspondents trace \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 245 \n\nthe manifold ills of Indian life, the immense out- \ngrowth of mendicant asceticism, the petrification \nof society in the caste system, the abuse of child- \nmarriage, and the manifold hardships of widow- \nhood to the same deep root as that which is mani- \nfest in all the infamies of popular idolatry \xe2\x80\x94 the \ndefective conception of God, the turning away of \nthe human heart from its Father in mistrust and \nfear." \n\nA true sight of Jesus produces an arousement \nof all the powers and potentialities that are in \nthe nature of a man. We know how in the days \nwhen the gospel was new, and the vision of Jesus \nwas not entirely obscured by vast organization, \nit took only about three hundred years for the \nauthority of the Gospel to come from the hearts \nof the Galilee fishermen to the throne of the \nCaesars ; we know how in the Reformation, when \n.Jesus had been shut away in the big, dead shell \nof the church, it became possible for Him to come \nthrough the Book into the hearts of men, and it \nset loose the love of liberty and inventive genius, \nuntil we claim the Reformation as the source of \nour industrial plenty and our political freedom. \nWe have it on the word of a cool economist that \nif John Wesley had appeared in France instead \nof England, we would now be talking of the world \ndominance of the Frank instead of the Anglo- \nSaxon. Who shall limit the power or the wide \nflowing potentiality of the seeing of Jesus ! \n\nWhen John and Peter and the huddled and fear- \n\n\n\n246 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nful disciples in the bottom of the ship had will- \ningly received Jesus, immediately the ship was at \nthe land whither they went. When Jesus is re- \nceived, the quality of eternal life begins. Unsus- \npected powers are let loose. Oars which beat the \nwaves in impotent discord, now come into the har- \nmony and control of the great personality. \nEvery dip of effort counts, and immediately the \nfarther shore of attainment comes into view. \n\nThere is no need to discuss the nature of deity \nwhich enabled Jesus to become conscious in a \nman. There is no need to speculate about the na- \nture of the body of Christ that enabled Him to \nwalk on the water. These concepts are beyond \nus, as is timeless being, or beginning of being. \nIt redounds to our great profit to tell of every \n\ninstance in which Jesus comes to a man, and to \n\n% ... \n\nnote with care and sympathetic faith what is ac- \ncomplished by his entrance. The details of the \nway in which Jesus comes to the soul of a man \nis that enduring romance of eternity, ever of the \nnewest and most vital interest to us. To keep \nthe vital freshness of the coming of Jesus, we \nmust make it news. We can put into it what our \neyes have seen and our hands handled of the \nWord of Life. We must tell about how Jesus is \ngetting into the ship. \n\nWhile we cannot but envy those who are fresh \nfrom the mission fields and can bring the news \nof how the ferment of the Christ-presence works \nwhen it is put into the measures of fresh meal, \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 247 \n\nwe must yet report what we have seen and know \ndoes happen when Jesus gets into the ship. I \nhave served in the home mission fields, and in such \na fundamental matter as the getting of Jesus into \nthe ship, there is not such a radical difference be- \ntween an Arizona cowboy and a University stu- \ndent. There was this difference: in Arizona the \npublicans and sinners, that is the barkeepers and \nthe miners, would come out to hear the preacher. \nWhen they saw Jesus lifted up and were drawn \nunto Him, it would necessitate some radical \nchanges in their living. These outward changes \nare such good evidence that Jesus has come into \nthe ship, that they often induce others to seek \nHim. I well remember one man who was known \nby his ingenious profanity. Jesus entered into \nhis ship. Immediately there came into view the \nshining white shores of purity. The filth of \nthought and the filth of language were purged \naway, and his lips dropped good cheer and the \ntestimony that made others see Jesus. But I \ndo not see that his case was radically different \nfrom that of a nice little girl church member who \nsaid to me not long ago, "My trouble is that I \ntell lies, small untruths about lots of things." \nWhen Jesus came into her ship, he needed to \npurge her lips just as truly, and He did. I have \nnot been able to see that there was such a great \ndifference between church members and those with- \nout in the matter of the coming of Jesus into the \nship. It gave me the same kind of a thrill as \n\n\n\n248 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nwhen a sinner is converted, when a beautiful old \nlady who had been a church worker all her life \narose in prayer-meeting and said, "I was con- \nverted last Sunday. All my life I have had great \nterror of death, for I did not realize that Jesus \nwas with me. I feel his presence and it is light \nand joy." It takes just as much of the power \nand reality of Jesus to rescue a student from the \npessimism of too much knowing without doing, \nwhich is intellectual dry rot, and to bring him to \nthe place of optimistic service and flowing activ- \nity, as it does to raise a drunkard from the gut- \nter, and put into his mouth the song of praise, \nand into his flesh an appetite for wholesome \nthings. On one occasion when Jesus was seen by \na number of people to come walking across the \ndark waters, he got into the ship of a man who \nhad been a slave to drink for forty years, and \nthe exceeding glory of his coming above the \nbrightness of the noonday sun, burned up the old \nappetite. There was a student who had a bad \nhabit which disappeared in the presence of Jesus ; \nthere was a splendid young woman who had striven \nall her life to do her duty, but to whom Jesus had \nnever been real. She found the glory and the \narousements of his presence. There was a young \nman who felt a call to preach the Gospel, but who \nhad long kept the impression of this call under \nthe heel of his ambition. When Jesus came into \nhis ship, he was willing to go where he was wanted \nto go. There was a woman whose heart was filled \n\n\n\nDARK TILL JESUS COMES 249 \n\nwith bitterness because of the unworthiness of \nher husband. She found that the exceeding \nworthiness of the Christ could come in and satisfy \nher, and the black desolation of her night could \nbecome a dawn. There was one who had a scold- \ning tongue and a quick temper, which were trans- \nmuted into power and repose, because Jesus had \ncome into her ship. \n\nI have a collection of the things which Jesus \ndoes for people when he comes into the ship. I \nhave compared them until I am sure that it is not \nimportant to ask whether the lips drop profanity \nor lies or fault finding; that there is not such a \nwide chasm between drunkenness and bitterness ; \nthat it is no matter whether you have been a \nchurch member and toiled in the vineyard of the \nLord since early morning, or whether at the noon- \ntide of your life you are still without, waiting in \nthe market place. The important question is, \n"Have you seen Jesus? Do you feel his presence? \nAre you conscious of the sustaining joy and as- \nsurance of having Him with you? Or, is it dark \nwith you, for Jesus has not yet come?" \n\nThe coming of Jesus is real knowledge. I \nwould not say that all who have Him with them \ncan tell of the definite moment when he came into \ntheir ship, but I am sure that all who have Him \nwith them are conscious of his companionship. \n\nNot many would be found to deny that the \nmatter of a man falling in love with a woman is a \nreal experience, but if you will make careful in- \n\n\n\n250 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nquiry you will find that more can remember the \nincidents of how it was when they saw Jesus, than \ncan remember the details of their courtship. I \nthink that any husband or any wife can tell in \ntheir hearts whether the hearth fire of their affec- \ntion which they lighted together long ago is still \nblazing, or whether the coals are covered deep \nwith the ashes of indifference. You do not need \nany elaborate tests. In your heart, you know. \nHave you seen Jesus recently? Is he now getting \ninto your ship? Or, does the sea arise by reason \nof the contrary winds that blow? Is it now dark, \nand Jesus not yet come? \n\n\n\nCHAPTER VIII \n\nMADE-OVER GARMENTS \n\nSome fifteen years ago, Bishop Newman ap- \npointed me a missionary to Arizona. He thought \nthere was a church there that needed the energies \nof a young man. I felt that Methodism had the \nright to give me marching orders, and although \nit involved a long and expensive journey to the \njumping off place of sand and sage-brush, I con- \ncluded that as good soldiers of the cross, my wife \nand I must arise and march. Our first pastorate \nof two years represented our married life, and \nthere were no little ones with us at that time. It \nwas necessary to dispose of our first housekeeping \npossessions, and to set forth into the wilderness. \nThe hundred and fifty dollars in hand seemed \nample funds for the journey; I thought it was \nfairly provident for a Methodist preacher to \nhave so much. My mind was further at ease be- \ncause the Superintendent of the Mission had \npromised to have some funds at Los Angeles, to \nprovide for traveling expenses. But after stay- \ning a week in Los Angeles for the Conference, and \nvisiting relatives and friends, we found on the \nmorning that the long journey into the wilder- \nness was to begin, that I had just five cents in \n\nmy pocket, and the Superintendent told us that \n251 \n\n\n\n252 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nthe missionary money had not arrived. Bishop \nNewman was going on that train, and the Super- \nintendent. The tickets were purchased and the \nPullman reservations taken. It seemed impossible \nfor us to turn back and hunt up a friend from \nwhom to borrow. In those days we were young \nenough to laugh at our predicament. The Lady, \nwho has always been my good comrade in adven- \ntures, persuaded me to toss up the nickel to see \nwhich one of us should carry it. For the next ten \ndays, we were passing that nickel back and forth, \neach trying to persuade the other to get a cool \ndrink with it, as under the unbroken blaze of the \nsun we came to feel like dried sponges. Our only \nresource in addition to the nickel, was a large box \nfilled with walnuts in the cream, that is, nuts taken \noff the trays before they are dried. There is \nsomewhat the same difference between walnuts in \nthe cream and dried walnuts which come into the \nmarket, as there is between fresh peaches and \ndried peaches. \n\nThose walnuts belong to the day, because \nBishop Newman took a fancy to them. All the \ncompany cracked them by squeezing the big nuts \ntogether. The train thundered into the oven of \nthe desert heated seven times hot. Bishop New- \nman lay against the linen cover of the seat, the \nsweat running off his iron gray curls, and drip- \nping over the edges of his splendid oratorical \njaw. With deliberation he picked out the wal- \nnuts, and talked. The thermometer mounted to \n\n\n\nMADE-OVER GARMENTS 253 \n\na hundred and ten ; the alkali dust fine as powder \npenetrated the ventilators, until the length of the \ncar was a dim distance. \n\nBishop Newman talked on in a glorious elo- \nquence. I know now that he was Elijah turning \nback into the wilderness to die. After that \njourney into the wilderness, he tried to hold one \nmore round of Conferences, and then the message \ncame that Bishop Newman, the man of the richest \npersonality of any we have produced in Metho- \ndism, had passed in behind the veil. Perhaps the \nfurnace like glory of the desert was to the Bishop \nthat day the chariots of the Lord and the horse- \nmen thereof. We happened to be the Elisha that \nfollowed after, so he spilled over upon us the brim- \nming cup of his spirit. He was traveling back \nover his own life, interpreting as from the farther \nshore the significance of his experiences. \n\nHe told us of his journey around the world \nwith President Grant, when they had been re- \nceived in state by every king, emperor, czar, ruler \nand potentate in the world. "I saw every reg- \nnant power ; I was greeted by every reigning ruler \nin my generation ; I have stood upon every con- \nsiderable body of land in the world; I have seen \nlife and the glory thereof. \n\n"I look back with greatest satisfaction upon \nthe hard scrabble years of my youth in the Metho- \ndist itineracy. At the close of the Civil War the \nchurch in the south was utterly disorganized. \nThey sent me to New Orleans, to a weak church, \n\n\n\n254 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nwhere my way was fenced about with fierce hatred \nand prejudice. The yellow fever broke out. I \nstayed and prayed with the living and buried the \ndead. After the fever had passed, my church \nflourished, and now there are three Conferences \ngrowing out of the reorganization of the church \nin the south. I am glad I was sent to New Or- \nleans, and I am glad I didn\'t run from the yellow \nfever. I have never since been afraid that I \nwas a coward. \n\n"Of all the marvelous conversions I have wit- \nnessed, the most childlike and the most Christ-like \nwas that of Chief Justice Chase, who joined me \nMetropolitan Church in Washington. We had \ntogether many talks ; he sharpened my under- \nstanding of materialism and taught me evolution. \nI kept showing him Christ. That was all I could \ndo. At last he was overcome by the beauty of \nlove, and the authority of Jesus. One Sunday \nmorning, after the communion was finished, I \nasked if there was no one else to come that morn- \ning to the Lord\'s table. Chief Justice Chase \narose, and walked down the aisle. It was a \nstately and impressive coming, as if he carried in \nhis hand the glowing crown of a trained and mas- \nterly intellect to lay at Jesus\' feet. He bowed \nhimself in the utmost humility, with splendid sub- \nmission, hiding his face on the altar rail." \n\nThe memories of that communion service in his \nMetropolitan church moved the Bishop, until the \n\n\n\nMADE-OVER GARMENTS 255 \n\ntears washed his eyes, and suddenly lifting up his \nlion-like head, he exclaimed: \n\n"Give me back me Metropolitan Church, and \nye may take y\'r Bishopric." \n\nThen he lay back in silence against the linen \ncover of the seat, and slowly picked out a walnut. \nThat company of great memories was too sacred \nfor the intrusion of any foolish remarks. \n\nWhile the silence lasted, it was told up and \ndown the car that we were to be paid for the \nhorror of the heat by seeing the awesome mystery \nof the desert, a perfect mirage. From the brake- \nman the information was obtained that such an \none as we saw generally preceded a thunder storm. \nWe moved to the other side of the car, and for \nsome thirty minutes we compared observations on \nwhat we saw, trying to make ourselves under- \nstand that it was a shadow and not substance upon \nwhich we looked. Out there on the desert sand, \nabout half a mile away, was a blue lake, or more \nprobably an enclosed harbor. We could see \nplacid waves roll in and break on the shingle. \nStanding around the shore were tall stately palm \ntrees, the kind that are called "royal palms" in \nthe Islands, \xe2\x80\x94 the kind your mind pictures when \nyou say "fronded palms." There was a castle- \nlooking building on the shore, which was not so \ndistinct as the palms. The mirage fitted so nat- \nurally into the vivid blazing day, that it created \nno more comment than a rainbow. \n\n\n\n256 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nAs we returned to our seats opposite the \nBishop, the Lady quoted, \n\n"We know not where His isles may lift their fronded \n\npalms in air, \nWe only know we cannot drift beyond His love and \n\ncare." \n\nI expect she was feeling lonely and scared, as \neach hour slid us deeper into the desert, with only \na nickel between us. \n\nThe Bishop took a few more nuts ; then with a \nnew blaze in his eyes, he began with the Superin- \ntendent, and asked him suddenly: "Why do ye \nbelieve in immortality ?" The Superintendent was \naccustomed to talk appointments and church poli- \ntics with bishops ; to be suddenly called upon to \ndeliver a reason for the faith that he preached \nwas bewildering. He floundered a few moments; \nthen he landed clear and strong on the statement \nthat he believed in immortality because it had \nbeen believed and taught by the strongest and \nbest men of the Christian centuries. The Super- \nintendent said he had grown up in the Methodist \nchurch; his father had died when he was a small \nchild, and it had been his mother\'s hope and am- \nbition that he should be a minister. He believed \nin immortality, as he believed in the church; it \nwas established by twenty centuries of believing \nand teaching. He thought that the people who \ndid not believe in immortality were of the same \n\n\n\nMADE-OVER GARMENTS 257 \n\nkind as those who did not believe in marriage, or \nthe home, or children, or plain hard work, or \nhonesty, or any of the fundamental duties and \nmoralities which are the foundation stones of all \ngood living. For his part he did not believe in \narguing about immortality, any more than he did \nabout being loyal to his wife and devoted to his \nchildren. All this talk about evolution was but \nanother phase of the world, the flesh and the devil, \nthat age-old trinity of evil against which we op- \npose the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. For his \npart, he was determined to proclaim over the dead, \nthe hope of immortality, and to teach all the peo- \nple he could reach to live in the fear of the judg- \nment; \n\nThe Bishop beamed on the Superintendent, and \nsaid, "Well done, good and faithful servant." \n\nHe respected him for his work\'s sake, and that \nyear he made him Presiding Elder in a great home \nConference, so that he went no more back to the \nmission. \n\nThen the Bishop turned to the Lady, with the \nsame question, "Why do ye believe in immor- \ntality?" \n\nBecause the Bishop\'s own soul beat against the \nbars of mortality, I think he was interested in \nwhat we would say. We knew not much of life, \nbut the Lady and myself had come fresh from the \nmost evolutionary University in the world. He \nwondered if we had managed to escape into the \nMethodist ministry with any fundamental faith, \n\n\n\n258 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nor if we, like the Superintendent, launched forth \ninto the desert on the authority of tradition. \n\nThe Lady said: "My mind takes hold most \nfirmly on the argument of incompleteness. All \nthat a man is more than a brute has no justifica- \ntion, if there be no hereafter. To be fit and to \nbe strong and to survive is the prime obliga- \ntion of life, if there be no hereafter. Patriotism, \nloyalty, sacrifice and service are ranked as fool- \nish perfumery that tickles some erratic nerve, if \nthere be no hereafter. As the wing of the bird \nis developed while the bird is yet in the egg, and \nis the true prophecy of the air which is the ele- \nment to which it is adapted, so the mind and emo- \ntions of a man are the wing yet confined within \nthe egg of this present life. They have no suf- \nficient justification without a hereafter. The \nmoral law, the obligation to serve and love and \nsacrifice, have no sanction of authority except \nin immortality." \n\nReturning again to his memories, the Bishop \nreplied: "I knew Senator and Mrs. Stanford; \nI was their pastor when they dreamed the dreams \nof the great University. The Senator wanted to \ngive back his wealth to the people of the west by \nteaching their boys and girls to keep close to life \nand to think for themselves. I am glad they \ntaught you to think at Stanford\'s University, \nthat \'wing of the bird in the shell\' \xe2\x80\x94 it is the true \nlikeness of the soul that flutters, and is not filled. \nThe eye is not filled with seeing, neither the ear \n\n\n\nMADE-OVER GARMENTS 259 \n\nwith hearing, nor yet is the appetite satisfied with \nfood." \n\nThe Bishop turned to me, and with vision \nsplendors gathering and gleaming behind the dull- \nness that was even then filming his eyes, he said \nto me with authority, as the Bishop not of my ap- \npointment but of my soul, "Why do ye believe in \nimmortality ?" \n\nAt that time I was one who had been out on \nthe red ridge of battle in the warfare between \nscience and religion. In struggling to attain an \nhonest intellectual basis upon which I might \npreach the gospel to the people, I had seen every \ntraditional argument bursted as with a bomb- \nshell. I had been walking around the walls of \nZion, and instead of marking the towers thereof, \nI had marked the breaches in the wall made by \nthe bombshells of radical thought. I felt like \neveryone of those breaches was torn in my own \nsoul; I had seen them and I could not deny their \nexistence. \n\nThus I responded: "Bishop, when I am on the \nwalls of Zion fighting, I do not call attention to \nthe breaches in the wall, but since you ask me \nas one of the generals of the campaign, I will \npoint out the place, which you probably already \nknow, where we must rally for our last stand. \nWe have finally to retreat and make a stand on \nnaked faith in Jesus Christ, and the word of his \npromise. We cannot even claim an analogy in \nthe fact that he arose from the dead; for we do \n\n\n\n260 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nnot expect to arise just as he arose. His dead \nbody was not found in the tomb ; the resurrection \nlife surged through his mortal body. We do not \nexpect any reassembling of the particles of dust \nwhich form our mortal house. Our faith greets \nthe morning of the resurrection not upon the claim \nthat just as He arose, our bodies shall be reani- \nmated, but we base our claim upon the promise, \n\'because I live, ye shall live also ;\' \'where I am, \nthere shall ye be also;\' \'I go to prepare a place \nfor you \xe2\x80\x94 if it were not so, I would have told \nyou.\' \n\n"We have accepted immortality as assurance, \nand forgotten that the constant expression of \nSt. Paul is \'the hope of immortality\' \xe2\x80\x94 \'by faith \nye are saved\' and that \'faith is the becoming \nsubstance of the things hoped for\' and that faith \nis not sight, else it has no longer the virtues of \nfaith. The hope of immortality is not easy to \nattain, nor yet to hold. The descent into the \ngrave is yet accompanied by the terrors of un- \ncertainty. The vision-hope of immortality is the \ngift of Jesus Christ; it becomes knowledge only \nto those who are pure in heart. \n\n"When we are driven to the last stand, Bishop, \nwe have to admit that Paul\'s great analogy of \nthe grain gives way. We put into the ground \nseed, it is true, and it provides for itself a new \nbody. But the seed was not dead, inorganic. It \nhad the new body folded away; growth in the \nworld as we know it is only a matter of expan- \n\n\n\nMADE-OVER GARMENTS 261 \n\nsion. When we pass the body of the dead \nthrough the crematory, there remains only a \nhandful of dust, that can fly before the wind along \nthe waste. What is left after death is not chemi- \ncally different from the handful of the desert \nsand, that you see out there flying in the wake of \nour train. How inorganic shall put on organic, \nor how mortal shall clothe itself with immortality, \nwe can no longer preach. We do not know. By \nfaith alone in Christ, we claim the hope. Sepa- \nrated from Him, we fall into the abyss of hopeless \nnothingness. We are the dust that flies before \nthe wind along the waste, whence and whither, \nwe know not, willy-nilly blown." \n\nWhen I had finished, we fell on silence for a \ntime. We looked out at the stretches of the \ndesert, where the wind was tossing up meaning- \nless hillocks of sand and then wearing them down \nagain; where the gaunt branches of the mosquite \nrattled their dry bean pods and cast a thin and \nuncertain shadow; where the weird cactus covered \nwith thorns and dust lifted itself against the sky \nlike a blasted finger of hope. \n\nThe Bishop lay against the linen cover of the \nseat like one inanimate. As my eyes turned back \nfrom the desert way, I saw that a miracle had \nbeen wrought. It was as if a candle had lighted \nbehind his features, and his eyes that had re- \ntreated deep in their sockets, took on an expres- \nsion like opalescent color. When he had pro- \nceeded a little way in his talking, I knew that he \n\n\n\n262 THE PILOT FLAME \n\ndid not see us any more, but that we were permit- \nted to be present and hear wonderful things on a \nMount of Transfiguration. \n\n"Why do I believe in immortality? To me \nthe greatest gateway of the soul is that scene on \nMount Tabor, which we call the transfiguration \nof our Lord. When I was in Palestine I found \nthe place. High up on the northern slopes of \nTabor, far away from the ruins of the ancient \nvillage, is a lovely glade enclosed with oaks and \nadorned with flowers. Shut in from the world, \nall nature breathes a sense of repose. The view \nof the sky, so far and so purple blue is unob- \nstructed. One peaceful night, accompanied by \nthree of the disciples who were drawn apart to \nrest a little, the Son of God had an interview with \ntwo visitors. These visitors talked with Him of \nthe decease which he should accomplish at Jeru- \nsalem. \n\n"The two visitors were Moses and Elijah. One \nhad been absent from earth fifteen hundred years, \nthe other nine hundred years. That they re- \ntained their names and their personal identity is \nbeyond question. Though separated by vast dif- \nferences of time, yet their recognition was com- \nplete. \n\n"Personal identity remains. Moses must al- \nways be Moses, and Elijah must always be Elijah. \nWe can never be other than ourselves, more than \nourselves, less than ourselves. He that is right- \neous will have to be more righteous still; he that \n\n\n\nMADE-OVER GARMENTS 263 \n\nis lovely, will have to be lovelier still, but he that \nis filthy will have to be filthy still. \n\n"Peter, James and John had never seen Elijah \nand Moses; no pictures were ever made of them \nin Jewry; in all the history of their lives no de- \ntails are given as to their physical appearance, \nyet Peter, James and John had no difficulty in \nrecognizing Moses and Elijah. The strong \nflavor of their personality, clinging even to the \nbare written account of their work, was a suf- \nficient means of identification. \n\n"Not only was the personality of Moses and \nElijah intact, but they were still absorbed in the \nkind of work they had done when on earth. For \nforty years Moses gave himself to the uttermost \nto redeem his people from Egyptian slavery, and \nto make them a nation who recognized Jehovah \nas their King and Lord; Elijah toiled all his life \nto redeem his generation from the passion slavery \nof Baal worship, and to induce his people to claim \nJehovah as King. Moses and Elijah talked with \nJesus of the efficacy of sacrifice and service to \nredeem the people. Moses, Elijah, Jesus, the \ngreat redeemers and social saviors. After fif- \nteen hundred years, Moses was still demanding of \nthe Pharaohs of dark oppression, \'Let my people \ngo\' and Elijah was still praying, \'Oh, God of \nmy fathers, show unto the people that thou art \nGod.\' \n\n"We will keep our identity, we will keep our in- \nterests, we will keep our work. \n\n\n\n264 THE PILOT FLAME \n\n"Moses and Elijah appeared in glory. Their \nappearance was not more remarkable than the \ngreat change in the appearance of our Lord, He \nwho was a man of sorrows and acquainted with \ngrief. Of his personal appearance Isaiah said, \n\'He hath no form nor comeliness, and when we \nshall see Him, there is no beauty that we should \ndesire Him. His visage was marred more than \nother men, and His form more than the sons of \nmen.\' Now behold the contrast! The fashion \nof his countenance was altered, and his raiment \nwas white and glistering. His transfiguration \nbody differed from his resurrection body. He \ncame forth from the tomb bearing the marks of \ncrucifixion in his hands and feet and side; his \nraiment was the familiar garb seen so often by the \ndisciples. He stretched out his hands, saying \n\'It is I, myself.\' But at the transfiguration \nhis soul shone through his body, and his robe, \ntravel-stained and dust-covered, becomes white \nand glistering, as if new from the wardrobe of \nthe skies. This was the prefiguration of His \nascension body, which in the moment of ascension \nfrom earth to heaven passed the glorious trans- \nformation, \xe2\x80\x94 the elimination of the earthy and the \nmortal, and the manifestation of that body which \nis the inner residence of the soul. The disap- \npearance from sight was the shaking loose of the \nmortal and earthy. \n\n"For me, the old idea is reality. Within our \nexterior bodies there is an interior form, nearly \n\n\n\n\n\n\nMADE-OVER GARMENTS 265 \n\nrelated to the imponderable substances of the uni- \nverse \xe2\x80\x94 like electricity; like force, like magnetism. \nAt birth it is formless, but it is changed and \nfashioned and formed by the life experiences; the \nhour of death is the release of this invisible in- \nterior body, which yet retains every imprint of \nlife which has been upon it. As we have worn the \nimage of the earthy, in personality, in aspiration, \nin work, we shall wear also the image of the \nheavenly. This is our hope ; it is also our terror, \nif we warn not men of the fearful reality and im- \nmortality of themselves. \n\n"The discovery of Heaven is as real as the dis- \ncovery of the new continent of America. There \nwas a time when people living on the shores of \nthe Mediterranean fancied that sea was really the \nlimit of the world. They were accustomed to \nstand by the columns of Hercules and see the \nwaters flow thereon. Now and then came a shrub, \nsometimes a flower, occasionally a dead body. \nFor centuries they said, \'There is nothing be- \nyond the Mediterranean, nothing outside.\' They \nfancied that the two currents, one running out \nand the other running in, performed a revolution, \nor a circular current, and this was their explana- \ntion of what they saw. But at last a brave mar- \niner pushed his boat through the columns of Her- \ncules and beheld the broad Atlantic, whose waters \nlave Albion\'s white cliffs and wash America\'s en- \nlightened shores. \n\n"So the materialists of our little day, standing \n\n\n\nTHE PILOT FLAME \n\nby the Mediterranean of life, say there is nothing \nbeyond; but anon some flower of paradise ap- \npears, some branch from the tree of life, some \nMoses and Elijah pass these columns to astonish \nthe people who live on the shores of this inland \nMediterranean, with the truth that there is a \nvast Atlantic of life and immortality beyond. \nThe materialists of Greece were accustomed to \nsay that the music was in the harp, as the less \npoetical minds of our day say that the steam is \nin the tea-kettle. But Socrates replied that the \nmusic is in the harper. The harp strings may be \nsusceptible to musical vibrations and the atmos- \nphere to musical sounds. The harp may be \nbroken and the music cease, but the harper may \nreceive a new harp, and sweep new strains there- \nfrom. The human body is a harp, but the harper \nis within. You may destroy this human body, \nbut the harper shall have a new instrument on \nwhich he can play immortal music." \n\nThe golden vibrant voice of the Bishop ceased \nto flow; he had in his throat the most wonderful \nharp string I have ever heard. In the splendor \nof his utterance the worries of the work, and the \nheat of the way, and the difficulties of the future \nhad fallen away from us. We stood with him on \nthe Mount of Transfiguration, and we saw that \nthe manner of his countenance was altered and \nthat behind a light like a candle glowed. \n\nOut of the windows, for the first time we saw \nthe unutterable splendors of the Arizona sunset. \n\n\n\nMADE-OVER GARMENTS 267 \n\nWe watched while the clouds shaped themselves \ninto visions of purple and amethyst glory, and \ngates of pearl swung wide open to permit to mor- \ntal eyes a glimpse of the golden streets. "At \neven\' time it shall be light.\' 5 \n\nBut a few weeks and we heard that the harp \nof the mortal life of the Bishop was broken. \nNevermore shall my mortal ears feel the melody \nof his voice as it vibrated from those harp cords \nin his throat. But the music is in the harper. \nHe has received a new harp, from which he \nsweeps the same old strains. I shall greet the \ngreat personality of the harper again. Though \nworms destroy this body, yet in my own person- \nality I shall greet the Bishop again. \n\nFifteen years have passed since this discussion \ntook place, and for the first time I have attempted \nto give utterance to its memories. The experi- \nence was so vital that every detail is etched into \nmy consciousness, as acid bites into glass and \ntraces a permanent pattern. It has been in the \nbackground of my mind, as the events of the life \nof Christ were in the mind of St. John. After \nmany years I can make an interpretation that yet \nretains the accuracy of the original discussion. \n\nThe accidental group that answered the ques- \ntion, "Why do you believe in immortality?" give \nthe different arguments not because they have \nbeen taught of theology, but because they have \nbeen taught of life. The way in which this ques- \ntion is answered reflects the mental generation \n\n\n\n268 THE PILOT FLAME \n\nof the person who answers. The arguments \nwhich support the flame of faith are differently \nfashioned with each mental generation. The \nspirit of man is forever the lamp of the Lord, but \nthe pattern of the lampstand is fashioned by the \ngeneration. \n\nThat a group of people, closely bound together \nin the same church organization, should give such \ndiffering answers to this question, reminds us that \nthe hope of immortality is not a doctrine, but a \nfeeling, an assurance, a personal preparation. \nThe pattern after which we have fashioned our \nearthy garments of faith, shall be the pattern \nupon which our white robe of eternity shall be \nshaped. With the splendor of his faith, the \nBishop was fashioning his eternal robes, as we \njourneyed into the wilderness. \n\nAnd those who followed him that day, in the \nfear of poverty? Does not our experience run \nparallel with that of Mary in the garden who in \nhousewifely caretaking, came with spices for the \ndead body, but who had the beatitude experience \nof throwing the spices away, and clasping the feet \nof a risen Master, the Lord of power over life \nand victory over death? \n\n\n\nJAN 11 1913 \n\n\n\nDeacidified using the Bookkeeper proces \nNeutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide \nTreatment Date: April 2005 \n\nPreservationTechnologie \n\nA WORLD LEADER IN PAPER PRESERVATIC \n\n111 Thomson Park Drive \nCranberry Township, PA 16066 \n(724)779-2111 \n\n\n\n'