i f h - s C h . In U' S.% i f , 1 J | rw^fe^^B . PRICE, as CTS. fi^ Q g v! • / l m e r i < ; a f o r j R m e r i e a p s BY DKNIEL DONHLDSON This State of Affairs riust Become the A f - fairs of State. AMERICA FOR AMERICANS, By DANIEL DONALDSON. Copyrighted, .894, by A. Hopkins. AU Rights Reserved L O S A N G E L E S , C A L . P R E S S O F A . R . H O P K I N S 1894 PREFACE. ' T ' H E following A . P. A . document came in on the delayed mail, having been semicol- oned by E. V. Debs the while he bade the world stand still. It was delivered to the wrong person by mistake and is herewith given to the public for what it is worth—25 cents. A M E I f t F0!( A i E ^ l C A M p . A Rambling Prelude. I E E F A I R C H I L D tells • of an incident ^ which occurred during his brief career on the stage, upon which it is said he acted worse than he had off it. No matter, this is the story: A t one of the country towns in the State of Washington he and his partner were billed to give an entertainment. A s Fairchild walked out of the hotel for a short after-dinner stroll he noticed a little girl standing on the sidewalk holding a small dog in her arms, when the following conversation ensued: "What are you doing with the little d o g ? " " I want to sell it ." " H o w much do you want for i t?" '"'Twenty-five cents." " W h a t do you wish to do with the twenty- five cents ?'' " I want to go to the show." Fairchild, whose generosity in giving passes always assured him a respectable audi- ence,_ took the little stranger in the hotel and writing her a pass said, " N o w this will take you into the show and you may keep your little dog.4' And in his words, "the little girl came early and remained all through the per- formance ; and all the little grateful-hearted thing was heard to say afterwards was, 'I'm glad I kept my d o g ' ! " Reader, dear as you have ever been, by the time you shall have finished reading this I fear you will, figuratively speaking, wish you had kept your dog. Civilization is the direct removed to the indirect; the immaterial blade of competition is the unseen tomahawk with which we scalp one another. W e still hide behind the bush of contract and there is many a scalp in a bargain. W e lose our heads in trade and still live to closet • the skeletons of our judgment. . W e are red-men bleached out, by staying in, and do by invention what our greatest grandfathers —who were neither great nor grand—did at first hand. They ate each other, tough as they were; we devour the substance only of our fellows. Hence in these times we see twenty lean men who have fattened one. W e catch our friends—and there friendship ends—upon the slippery slope of fluctuating value and trip them up; our ancestors attacked each other openly and in person and bade danger pay tribute to courage—not masking with smiling countenance that~ coward whose name is, Business. Man is as he always has been— a savage. When man hides himself in a 4 hazel thicket of the mind he will bear watch- ing. It is a question of doing or being done. The modern Christian having made peace with Heaven turns his undivided attention to the world, believing that if "all things" are not his they soon will be. Avarice and piety hav- ing made solemn compact in worldly conten- tion, insult Heaven at hell's expense. The few Christians who now own the earth believe it is the Lord's and seem determined to share it with their master only. The necessities of the poor demand a practical demonstration of that power through which the multitude may make a square meal on a few fishes and have a whale left when the dinner is over! True, there are Christians and Christians,—the latter being in the majority. But this is on the side and from the mid- dle purpose of this treatise which seeks to set forth to mankind a justifying plea for the ex- istence of the American Protective Association which essays to purify American politics with protestant religious tendencies—and set politi- cal bounds to the Church of Rome. Being an American and having withstood the foreign overtures of Cupid, I may be some- what prejudiced in my views ; which reminds me of a newspaper friend of mine who hired him out to plough for a farmer. Unused to such work his furrows were crooked. When the farmer called attention to the fact the fel- 5 low in question said that the sun had warped them. T o which the farmer, going him one worse, replied that his iows were so conscien- tious they would not eat corn raised in "crooked" rows. It is the belief of the Roman Church that the justification of all means is found in the end—a pretty bit of am- biguity by which she plays fast and loose. Even the Roman rows that are ploughed Straight are warped by the A . P. A . sun of in- vestigation. To their measles we must oppose the small-pox if need be. The A . P. A . with its growing membership of some two million propose to run this country in a gallop. While an American is such by virtue of his ideas and not by the incident of birth, nevertheless Europe is among us in such numbers as not to be easily counted. Man is no bird (there are exceptions) and that which has not wings naturally seeks temporal author- ity as sure footing for spiritual assumption. A P R O T E S T A N T . I am no Catholic, and have never been suspected of being over-religious from any point of view. I have been, therefore, from the beginning in point of fact an A . P. A . , which any one may be who is religious for political purposes only. I am setting myself for the defense of the or.1 *_lc school and assert above board th-1: .'.. Catholics continue to burn school-houtes as they have done in High Grass Valley, something will be to pay, result- ing in a warm settlement. I am an American. I had a number of relatives in the Revolutionary War, guarding the rear of the army from hurtful attack more armed by distance than by steel. I also had relatives drafted into the Union army, most of whom are still living. Is it any wonder I should feel big in my bfeast this giant of po- litico-religio sentiment? I ask this question and pause, but not long, for reply. Had it not been for the public school, irreligious as it is, I should have been as deficient in the use of English as those who turn their faces toward Rome. I am for America for Americans who ever they be—or whether Scotch, Irish, English, Scandinavian, Honolulian or what not as most of us are. I go a step further than my brother A . P. A ' s . all of whom are well traveled. I believe we should have a distinctly American religion—one neither far-fetched from Rome nor Palestine; but one indigenous to our own soil, smelling of our own fresh-ploughed and harrowed fields of instinctive sentiment. Therefore I move that the A . P. A . appoint a committee with Unitarian arid Ingersolian lean- ings—which committee shall give itself over to inspiration and write for Americans for Americans a Bible in harmony with our insti- tutions, retaining the oaths that' we now use for 7 safety-valve purposes but substituting new prayers and new "callings" upon God. I also suggest that'we should be religious about once a year and make it a national holiday, even as we are patriotic. W e might have the annual religious demonstrations come on the Fourth of July and kill two bats with one sky- rocket, as it were.* The above is suggested on philosophical grounds. A l l things "however new become old if too often told. Hence those who are al- ways sacredly swearing themselves pious lapse into intellectual habit which they unconsciously mistake for spontaneous volition. This would also prevent much profanity on the Fourth. If my brothers will think over this matter in a prayerful mood I believe the morn- ing of my thought will dawn upon their still starry minds. Governor Gosper, who is a great deal longer for the next world than he is for this one, could become the leader of a great psychic movement which would satisfy his unclassified ambition and make him a potent power in the brotherhood, especially hereafter. This work need not interfere with his political aspirations nor lessen his chances for defeat. He should *In Kansas City, Kansas, four thousand A. P. A's. celebrated the Fourth of July last and in place of fire-works the Rev Now- land of Westport, Missouri, made a speech. A gentleman in the audience callted the Reverend speaker a liar, which, after all, was about equal to calling him a Missourian ! 8 console himself in the thought that the minor- ity has usually been right, and left both! Were he elected to Congress, permit me to say in digression, that his saintly appearance would serve him well the while he participated in questionable combinations. The only thing he is lacking in is—constituency. IN E N G L I S H . Mgr. Satolli said the other day with great simplicity, " I am but a little boy in English," and then proceeded to deliver an address in Latin which was greatly enjoyed by those who understood him and especially by those who understood him not; for it often occurs that the novelty of a thing is more interesting than the thing itself. I take it that the whole Roman Church is but a "little boy in English" but a mighty big man in Latin. Hence if we can show up this Latin man as a Giant, we can as an order control the politics of the Republic which by the aid of Protestant ministers we mean to do. True, many good conservative Democrats and Republicans do not like our order; yet they see in it a force which they dare not ignore ; and being politicians first and patriots last they are flocking to us as geese to a pond, that they may be "in the |wim ; " and well each one of them knows he would be a goose not to! Take Rev. Wood's prayers in the lodges and sanctify them with the schemes of politicians and the offices are ours. It is a habit of Catholics to praise the Constitution of the United "States. Indeed Cleveland presented Pope Leo XIII with a copy of the Constitu- tion along with his own papers of State : since the perusal of which latter the Pope has. not felt well in body though not materially dis- turbed in mind. It is true that under the Constitution man has the- privilege of worshiping God as he pleases or whether it pleases anyone else. But the majority rules here in a sense and we propose to tax the Catholics without giving them representation either on municipal, State, or national boards. They shall have no voice in the Government and must no more than whisper their wishes in the official ear. So have we, in substance, sworn and so shall it be till the moon rises in the west. C O N S C I E N C E A N D S C H O O L . Conscience is a student become judge, having been elected to the bench by the com- monwealth of facts. In this country, while the majority never rules, it has the prerogative of selecting that minority which does invariably rule. Hence when our forefathers asserted that the individual has a right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience, they overlooked the fact that the majority has a right to vote upon this question. Suppose that the conscience partake of the common m- 10 Sanity of the human mind and dictate that one serve God by burning some one whose con- science does not tell him to serve God at all ? She was thought to be a consistent Queen who began burning heretics here that they might fully understand the meaning of fire, and be led to seek a cooler climate hereafter. So we shall teach Rome to be humble; and if we can not prove the infallibilHty of her judgment, we can at least limit her power. Many of our school houses are built upon the sides of hills owing t9 the topography of the land: a number of these in the country districts have recently been pried over with rails taken off Protestant fences. Next day the Catholics have gone through the country telling of what a windstorm blew the night be- fore, Now these peculiar devotional "wind- storms" can not continue and bad weather not set in. The frequent recurrence of these events, which are but straws telling of the coming stacks, have caused the A . P. A . to take charge of the political weather including sun- shine-and rain; Summer sighs and Autumnal gales; cyclones such as bore their way right through rural obstructions as in Iowa and bound from town to town as in Illinois. W e have the great Bag o' the Winds in our keeping and are prepared to belt the earth with cloud and dissolve the planetary compact of worlds. In our reference to bags of winds 11 we think it prudent to state that personal allu- sion is not made to any of our members, some of whom are distressed from having swallowed Romanistic bread with air holes in it—a light matter indeed to weigh so heavily upon the stomach! F I N A N C I A L M E A S L E S . During the late, and much too late, de- pression I was one of a large company quar- antined on account of the financial measles. Having nothing else to do" we all turned statesmen on occasion and settled in theory, national questions. And, indeed, America never had a statesman who was not' ex- temporized. During this period I was about to say, I approached a couple of negroes and asked them what theory they had for the hard times. One -of them replied, "We'uns haint got no theory, sah; all we knows is dat de times are hard and we got to stay by 'em till they's done gone." So, my brother, we must stay by our Catholic friend until he's ' 'done gone" from politics in America. Not that he is as liable to shut up our common schools as he is to hold the offices in the Government. The beauty of self-government is in the gov- erning of others. (Congress is a distributed king.) Yet while our primary object as an order is political it must never appear so. We must rivet the attention of the enemy upon the threat of an attack, the while, cougar-like, we 12 spring upon him unawares where he does not expect us. "America for Americans" is a pretty rag with which many a sentimental dunce will be blindfolded. You and I know, Jack, that Catholics are 'just as patriotic as anybody, but that's not the question. They fought bravely for the American flag and many of them died for it, thank God; but we must now labor to show that about all the good Catholics left this country, never to return, during the war. C A T H O L I C S UP IN A R M S . But yesterday a dispatch was received over the grape-vine line, stating that some fifty Catholics were seen last night under the full glare of the full moon in Pepper Canon under arms and -drilling. A pious "father" was captain and was heard to declare that man's first duty is to his God and his second duty to his country. Then they all bowing upon one knee apiece held their shining blades of steel in the moonlight that turned red up- on them. These things cannot continue in- definitely without definitely continuing. - A s far back as 1660 the Pope prophesied that the real struggle of the Church of Rome would be in America. His insight into the future was remarkable, indeed: he could see forward almost as accurately as other Popes have been able to see backwards. To see through what is going to be before it is de- 13 mands of one what we may term miraculous anticipation. Not being a Chinaman Colum- bus took his cue from this prophecy and finally discovered the United States. A t first the Indians thought Columbus was from Heaven, but they afterwards changed their minds: so many at first look with great favor upon the Roman Church until they learn that it means to be the temporal ruler of mankind. Yet Mr. Gladden and others of his particular type censure Protestant ministers for taking con- tradictory oaths. Is it not true that the New Testament condemns the taking of oaths al- together? Hence when the A . P. A ' s . take contradictory oaths—one that they will up- hold the Constitution and one that they will do no such thing—they make the whole mat- ter a profane stand-off which is equivalent to having sworn not at all. What are oaths anyway but asking God to witness Himself what liars we are ? Especially is this true when we as A . P. A ' s . swear us not to do that which we have sworn to do jf P O L I T I C I A N S , "ETC. It is obvious that we are placing many a politician in a pretty predicament since the office-seeker wishes to be "al l things to all men" that he may save only himself. Hence it is that many of our members would not have loved us so much had they feared us less! The A . P. A . while believing that it is a mis- 14 fortune for a man to have been born elsewhere do not so much blame him for that for which his parents should be held the more to blame. I once heard an English girl say with innocent simplicity that she was born soon after she came over. I believe that like her all foreign- ers should have beén born here or whether they were raised anywhere. Next to being a native son of California one should be a native son or native daughter at least of the United States. And no oné should be permitted to vote unless he can either speak poor English or good Arkansaw. The line must be drawn somewhere. W e should be able to speak good English poorly before we are given the priv- ilege of marketing our votes. Of course our • object as an order is primarily for gaining political prestige. But in order to do this we must make pretext of re- ligious prejudice; for it is a well established fact that men will fight for a religion which they do not greatly practice: on the economic ground, it would seem, that a good thing ought somehow to be utilized. It is certain that the Catholics have the a priori in the premises; hence we cannot wisely chance the contest in the open on the battle-field of thought. For this reason the Bishops of the great Methodist church will es- oterically smile a benediction upon our order Our schools are at present a part ot the ma- chinery of politics and are placed indirectly under tribute. The time has arrived, coming in on the last train of events, for us to "boycott" the Roman Church and prevent its members from holding offices. A t first this will seem con- tradictory to the letter of the Constitution of the United States; yet our course finds justifi- cation in colonial precedent; for it has been said with much facetious show of truth that our forefathers fell upon their knees prepara- tory to falling upon the aborigones. A B E A U T I F U L S I N G E R . A friend of mine once sat listening to a "beautiful" singer who was anything but beautiful, and he very unkindly observed that he was glad the singer was not two-faced. The A . P. A . is a beautiful singer, as it were, but like the church it opposes, it has two faces and, reversing the disposition of natural Provi- dence, behind a smiling countenance she hides a frowning face. Protestant ministers hold high office in our order and, being firm be- lievers in the sacrificial atonement, will look upon bloodshed as Providential. In fact, the universal reign sof law makes each event bear the impress of the inevitable. In the words of Festus— "Free will is necessity' in play." It is natural for a fool to act foolishly; 16 and every show of rationality in his conduct must be attributed to a sub-consciousness. These ministers do not know, of course, into what political web they are, as flies, being caught. They do not realize that they are helping to determine politics from behind screen doors and making riotous dissension probable. A Protestant minister is not as wise as he is good, and Protestantism is but a rebell- ious side-show to the original Heavenly circus beneath whose tent the infallible jest is heard to the creation of divine mirth. These minis- ters are actuated by pure and patriotic motives and are ignorant of the fact that their prayers are being substituted tor the oaths of ward pol- ticians in order that the latter may rehabilitate their disconcerted selves, having been momenta- rily stampeded by the Australian ballot sys- tem. T H E A N T I Q U E . In every lodge you will find some bank- rupt politicians who fancy they will find in our order a stepping-stone to political prefer- ment. Like the false prophets of all ages, when they step on such stones the very weight of insincerity will destroy the power of cohes- ion as the stones crumble into sand. These allusions have no reference to men of ability who may rightly utilize our order to furthe' their political aspirations. A t this hour the A . P. A . is a politcal museum, containing some 17 of the rarest specimens of the antique still in existence. By the way, one of the liveliest paradoxes in the earth is illustrated by men who though past are still present: by men who having been the chief mourners at their own funerals, still insist on being alive. A N A M E R I C A N . A n American is accurately defined as a man from everywhere with great uncertainty as, to where he is going. This would entitle him to full political fellowship were it not for his religious views being contrary to the spirit of our institutions. - In order to be an American in full political fellowship a man must either be a Free-thinker or a Protestant. That church which has covered the earth with mon- uments to its devotion in the shape of hospitals and asylums ¡should be content. Besides men who are certain of Heaven, as these Catholics seem to be, can afford to meet with all sorts of losses here. T O L E D O , OHIO. A s to those documents entitled "Instruc- tions to Catholics" and the "Pope's Encyclical" of course we' who are on the inside of the in- side, being twice in, know that they are false. But if that which is false about the Catholics does so much to strengthen our order we were foolish indeed to furnish the true. The peo- ple of Toledo, Ohio, believing them true ordered rifles with which to shoot Catholics. 18 But those Toledoians—Heaven save their ca- pacity—not only "round-up" the earth as flat, but believe that the ocean rolls on because Byron told it to. If there be any virtue in be- lieving, there is no vice in Toledo. Before approaching ministers be careful to learn whether they will countenance the false that seems but true. Rev. Adam Fawcet of Ohio and Rev. Wood of Kansas are pliable enough to know an ill method may further a good purpose; but such a man as the Rev. Washington Gladden is not so easy in con- science as to counsel a lie to pass for truth. He condemns the A. P. A's, for circulating a certain bogus "Encyclical" and certain false "instructions"as though everything were not fair in this cloudy war of words. What must be said of a man who preaches freedom and yet remains a slave to his own conscience which would lose him this world with promise of an- other whose map he has not seen? Mr. Gladden would better tackle a Kansas cyclone than oppose the rising whirlwind of the American Protective Association. K A N S A S . Kansas is the most notorious State in the Union. Through droughts, grass-hoppers, drug-stores, (everybody's sick in Kansas) and John J. Ingalls the old State is big in reputa- tion. And now with her six hundred thousand A. P. A 's . she is again prepared to make 19 "Rome howl" as though all creation had turned a pack of dogs, hounding 'the moon! Kansas is having a State tent made and will soon resume her circus with new acrobats, clowns, and ringmasters. It was the one regret of Barnum's life that Kansas could not be put on wheels! We consider ourselves fortunate in having such a State as Kansas to work upon. It is full ripe for our order. The plagues and tricks of Providence have so shaken the faith of Kansans they readily take to anything, believing that nothing worse, than has, can befall them. So here's to Kansas: may she live long and never die. T H E D A R K A G E S . There was a time when the people lived in the "Dark A g e s ; " now the Dark Ages live in them. Through the long night of several centuries the Monks kept the lamp of knowl- edge burning; yet we must make the rank and file—who seem the ranker the more they file— of our order believe that Rome is against in- telligence. With that political tragedy en- acted in religion's name called the Inquisition for basis, what may we not assert and beget credence? But we irmst bear in mind that bluff and bluster may provoke a wrath whose snow of rage has already borne the crimson footprints of heretics. The Swedes are giving us great encour- agement. A Swede is a far-fetched American 20 brought near. He is law-abiding and much inclined .to become not only one of us but, in many cases, a half dozen of us. He makes himself very plentiful, but not too much so. He is blown hither by the Northeast wind of creation,—a Protestant cyclone made flesh. T H E F E D E R A L C O U R T . It is hinted by a shrewd lawyer that were not politicians afraid to move, the officials of the A . P. A . would be arrested for conspiracy, inciting riot, and seeking to disturb the peace and equilibrium of the government. And of truth I fear we might be arrested; for there is no doubt that the oath we take not only vio- lates the Constitution but has already produced rioting in Kansas City, Butte, and elsewhere. The question is whether a secret society can be compelled to produce in court its oaths and so forth. ' If it can we would better burn our rit- ual and, making soap of the ashes, wash our purpling hands. Do not mention this to any- one, for many a fox, barking-, sets hounds upon its own tracks—and the tracks we are making are anything but religious. Without doubt a society looking to a violation of the Constitu- tion could be shown to possess traitorous intent. Confidentially, I tremble for our head officers. Numerical strength is a Lion made bold and the whisper of conscience is hushed in the ostenta- tious roar of the beast. W e may have over- stepped ourselves in stepping over others. The 21 Debs' strike has stimulated the Federal Court that it will the sooner upon provocation inquire into matters touching the peace of the Repub- lic. We would better begin to hedge; yet What can we do ? If we destroy the oath vir- tually disfranchising Catholics we puncture our big bellied sails and take the gale with the laziness of a breeze. Ah, well, power begets friends, and kindness ingratitude! We will teach our enemies to fear us more than we need fear our enemies. B L A I N E A N D T H E IRISH. While it is certain that Blaine was de- feated by a Protestant's assertion that the Democratic party stood for "Rum, Romanism, and Rebellion" we do not anticipate that Re- publican Catholics will be disloyal to party on account of that church which, though forsaken by them, will them never forsake. In Ireland they sent word to Rome that they would take their chances in politics from the British Isles and their chances in religion from Italy. This Pat did with great boldness for' he had from the beginning taken the most desperate of all chances in being himself! The Irish do not think for themselves on matters religious, believing if they are lost it is better not to be responsible for it. Nothing strikes their Celtic apprehension but the monotonous roll of Latin of which the more they hear the less they un- derstand. But we can trust the Irish who are Republicans to vote as they believe for well they know the triumph of the old party is in- evitable and that it behooves them to be on the winning side. A n Irishman, who is the most contradictory of dual beings, is always leaning towards the fat side: as who would play false to Heaven that he may win the world. A n Irishman was the first man who eyer "winked the other eye," making believe dust blew in it. In fact he is so generally faithful that all parties to a contest may hope- fully trust him. T H E P O P E . If it become apparent that a foreign potentate is attempting by thought, that dan- gerous pioneer of action, to thwart the pur- pose of the Constitution and warp the political judgment of the people, we, the A . P. A . con- tend that we are justified in our sacred methods of religious proscription. Believing that the Pope secretly desires the abolition of the free-school in America, which he doesn't, we pledge ourselves to withhold all political patronage from adherents to the Catholic faith ; also from those who have or may have had relatives belonging to that faith ; and from any who are suspected of being affectionately in- clined towards members of that church no matter with what wealth of rosy charms they may dazzle the eye: there are no finer cattle than graze in Protestant pastures. 23 The Roman Church is probably the most efficient policeman that patrols the immaterial beats of civilization ; hence we would not tear down that which, though hit much, would be missed more. A s an order we oppose the Ro man Church that through that opposition our order may have vitality and rally to our support even those whom indifferent religious prejudice will move to political resolve. Be- ing a secret society we throw responsibility upon the shoulders of the order and leave the individual's conscience clear. No one boy ever stole a watermellon under the secret spell of the moon; but a dozen boys have stolen many a one. F R E E - M A S O N S . There are a number of Free Masons in our order who must be handled with care no matter which side is up. Some of them are already as sore as was Job and they are liable to break out or "boil over" as we say. W e must cry " f ire" every opportunity—even at the rising of the moon. By-and-bye some dignitary of the church as Arch-Bishop Ireland or Cardinal Gibbons, will arouse the nation; then that which we shall have provoked will become show of our justification. H O S P I T A L S A N D A S Y L U M S . The fear of some that the Catholics will flock into some party that shall declare against us is groundless. No party will have the fool- 24 ish courage to invite destruction. If the Catholics do not like our institutions let them go elsewhere. The only things that would be missed are their hospitals, asylums, and their devotion to the sick. But if the Catholics did not build hospitals, asylums, and care for the stranger and sailor broken by the wave, we would: and likewise'make the mistake of try- ing to purchase Heaven by works instead of inheriting it through faith. A number of good men will be found in every commnit} who will protest against proscription on religious grounds. To such we must put on a most serious countenance and assure them that our loyalty to our country's institutions has moved us. Let the officers of the lodge remember to keep the fires burning: this can be done by the constant apprehension of danger. Let Rumor be big with probable stories to be gutterally whispered in the lodge by the member who has the worst bad cold. This will seemingly weight the message with ominous import as though the hellish words did fashion the throat to their proper render- ing. For the rank-and-file of our order is in some sort analagous to the mob of that organ- ization which we directly oppose for indirect effect. W e must in English, therefore, speak the Latin of make-believe to them and so stuff our clubs of authority that they seem hard wood. Many is the member of us who could 25 not teli a free school house from a mortgaged barn! Remember it is not our intention to push this matter to the bloody test least we ourselves be caught in the crimson flow. Therefore many of our number who know not the com- pass of our intent or the trick of our design will need to be nourished and pruned in their ignorance; so shall we profit by the wisdom of that church of which we now seek to make a political scare-crow. C A U T I O N . Be slow to initiate men of whose religious affiliations you are not certain. Y o u can not always tell from a man's conduct how religious he is. And a very saint may look like the devil to a casual observer. I hear our lodge at Los Angeles made the mistake of taking in a member of the Catholic faith who took our oaths with the very capacity of a sailor for swearing and begged our prayers that he might keep them ; yet despite our invocations in his behalf he went immediately and gave them away! And in the sacred precincts and wards of our lodge-room he delivered himself of a much appreciated address, saying among other things—"I tell you, brothers, we've got the Pope's Irish oh the run" himself an Irish- man and worshiper of all the saints. Let this be a warning and let no man be taken in whom you have not first dined on P*riday. 26 W e do not advise carrying our justifiable "boy- cott" into business realms. Yet our mem- bers will naturally buy their table-cloths at the Protestant's store and their dish-rags at the Catholics and thus make big show of small generosity. T H E P O L I C E . Our police force is nigh all Irish and Protestants are in constant danger of being hit over the head with something foreign to their wishes. It is a common fact that when a Protestant and Catholic have been violently en- gaged in coming to an understanding the Protestant has invariably been arrested first. This state of affairs must soon become the affairs of State. The A . P. A . will see to it that its friends will henceforth do the municipal act of apprehension. They will be instructed to arrest not only the attention of the crowd but the crowd itself,—if need be. None will be placed on the force but college men and they must be of good height so that they may naturally overlook that which is going on. Catholic officials have run things at a stand, still too long. A s the cow-boy said,, after shooting three Mexicans. " I guess my bus- iness lays rollin' ; " so I guess the official business of a good many fellows will soon "lay rollin'," and, like the cowboy, they will have to measure space! Our order will also do good service by re- 27 viving a lively, if not too lively, interest in re- ligion. So when tlje devotional committee shall have favored us with a new Bible politic- ally and scientifically colored^ appealing to the religious instinct with modern show of fact its acceptence will be the more general and prompt. P R O P H E T I C . If our order continue in growth in the future as it has in the past it is quite within the leaden circle of golden possibility that the next president of the Republic will be an A . P. A . Millard Fillmore was a Know-nothinger. In fact the Free-Masons as an aristocratic power have run this Government too long. Their supremacy, while not dangerous, is not en- titled to unbroken reign. That order has been a promontory against which the waves of Romanism have broken in dying moans for centuries ; yet as an order it is too wealthy to be democratic in spirit or thoroughly repre- sentative of the common people. Understand we have no contention with that order, but on the contrary advise all our members to join it upon invitation. T H E R I T U A L . Many through the Heavenly demands of our ritual have uttered, for the first time, prayers; and this without sacrificing the priv- ilege of using the more forcible English when occasion requires. Hence our ritual makes 28 our members somewhat religious without unfit- ting them to live in an age of great material- istic exegencies. The great men of the nation are with us; not because they are politically ambitious, but notwithstanding their public as- pirations. Did we not swell, though swells we were not, with pride when brother Gosper awoke the silence of the gallery to tumultuous applause with the thunder of his speech ? He is an American worth mentioning when we have other things to say. P R A I S E . I mention these things not so much to compliment our brother as to make ourselves proud; otherwise I would paint the lillied modesty of his cheek with the red rose of bashfulness. W e would not put him to the blush with unmodified praise, n6r have him morning his face with the sunrise of his com- ing day. T o pay him compliment at all com- mensurate with his deserts would be to pile mountains of shining words upon him until he should fill the firmament of the vocabulary heavens shouldering the star-studded monu- ment of himself, dead to his mighty topping! May he, taking flowery departure, gradually fade away. T H E I N E V I T A B L E . Some of our members have made them- selves sources of merriment in defending America for Americans in broken English. 29 One brother is reported to have said to a crowd, " I vas for America for vat Americans vas ." The brothers would as well make up their minds that sooner or later this contention which is now behind closed doors will break out in hand-to-hand contests in the streets. The Pope's Irish will fight if provoked to it, and while he does not often resort to pistol or knife, he can beat "Hail Columbia" with a club. Our members should, in view of this, practice throwing bricks at each other, and the swing- ing of Indian clubs at random. I speak plainly ; for we are just entering upon the making of history which the Orange men have written in crimson in Ireland. It will be Christian against Christian for the encouragement of missionaries. C O N C L U S I O N . In closing I dedicate myself to the eternal advocacy of our cause; and if need be, I shall also dedicate to the saijie end this my sword, made in Damascus, the same that Alexander drew across the pale face of the Orient, followed as by a red streak of Dawn—the beginning of a long and bloody day. ' Confidentially yours, D A N I E L D O N A L D S O N . P- S.—But not effeminately yours. If you should see a house toppling to fall on a brother shout him the oral sign of danger and run also and throw yourself against the leaning build- 30 ing. W e should lose no opportunity of dying for one another; for since the world began it has been nobler and easier to die for another than for one's self. And should a brother be- hold a single-geared streak of lightning de- scending from high heaven, with infinite hesita- tion, upon the unrodded head of a brother, he should at once interpose his cane and, having caught upon it the wriggling serpent of fire, hand it over-to a Catholic and bring him in a hurry to his heavenly fate. A l l permanent brotherhoods have gotten their immortal conti- nuity of life through the heroism of their members. One Thermopylae is worth a thousand Waterloos. P R O V I D E D . If the Catholics wish to remain here let them tend to' their own business of caring for those for whom nobody else cares; in-maintaining hospitals where they may serve those who per- mit them to stay in a land where service may be done; in building asylums where Protest- ants may go when they are wholly gone. So may everyone worship here as he likes, even to the Cannibal, provided the latter does not practice on A . P. A. ' s . Devouring in this country must be figurative. One may be Can* nibal by the indirect: that is, he is at liberty to devour the substance of another and, by antici- pation, eat what would soon have been the other fellow. 31 A W I S E S U G G E S T I O N . We would advise that Catholics all turn priests and nuns and, like Eve, become simply an issue on the side. Such a course would soon settle the question of Roman interference in American politics. T H E K N O W - N O T H I N G S . Just before the civil war Protestants were burning nunneries and churches and worshiping God in other ways. The night they burned one church the sky was full of "shooting stars" and the common folk called them the "burn- ing" tears of angels. In an age of doubt men love God by hating one another. A s soon as it rains Pat's name will be wet dust and he will be wishing himself made over again with American antecedents. The other day as a poor fellow was cross- ing the street a man came whipping along in a buggy and, hitting the poor fellow, knocked him down; then he called out "Look out there!" The fellow, getting up, said, " W h a t ! you aint comin' back ag'in are you?" Now St. Peter (he that took an oath that he knew not his Lord) has, coming from Rome, hit us with his carriage wheel and knocked us down; but we are up asking him in the name of Adam Fawcet and dupes in- numerable, "What ! you aint comin' back agin are you ?" 82 L A T E R C O N S I D E R A T I O N . But had not Rome sent her doves to coo amid the wilds of America, her eagles would long since have turned vultures. Jack, you know I am inclined to be vacillating, and though porous T am no plaster, since I do not stick to any one thing. Hence, if you should learn that I have, withdrawn from the A . P. A . do not be surprised, for I am becoming more and more convinced that the order is based up- on deception; and that no man should be asked to take an oath without a knowledge of its true import. In fact I know men who have never attended the order after being inr itiated, but. who remain quiet for fear of persecution. T H E B O Y C O T T The "boycott" spirit is the worst form of cowardice known to civilization. It kills by neglect what it lacks the courage to openly attack. It is a combined "Jack the Ripper" that with immaterial blade rips the opposition up the back, wounding from within. It fights with arms folded and safe within the distance. It is the damnable method that makes the cow- ard brave by shielding him from hurtful risk. It makes old women 'of young men! The leading paper of Los Angeles has been long suffering in "boycott" matters. It has fought in the open as a man contending with a ghost, part of the time without "the ghost of a show." 33 But it has been right in its stand for law, order and peace. Its editor in order to convince a contemporary that peace is desirable made war on one of its proprietors! Y e t this same paper winks encouragement at the exist- ence of the A . P. A . , which is not only an or- ganized "boycott," but one founded upon political intrigue. But well it knows that while it can afford to attack labor, it .would fare ill did it oppose an order of respectability and wealth. You let the A . P. A . , the greatest readers on earth, drop that organ and it will sink to a McGintian depth and for once get beneath the surface of the ocean of things. We have ordered a political I'boycott'' on Roman Catholics in pretext of defending the public school; whereas it is obvious to all that the superior excellence of the common school is its only legitimate defense. Substan- tial things sustain themselves by their own in- herent force. The public school asks for no defense that is not wholly honorable. T H E G O V E R N O R O F MISSOURI. The present governor of Missouri has disdained to become a member of the A. P. A . on the ground that he would rather be de- feated than belong to an order so un-Ameri- can as to attempt to control politics by religious proscription. Well, what's Mis- souri but a pile of rocks that God stoned the earth with, anyway? It's a preplexing State to' be in. 34 R E V . A D A M F A W C E T . One of the head men of the A . P. A . , the Rev. Adam Fawcet, a Baptist of Colum- bus, Ohio, has been shown to be one of the most devout liars that ever uttered a prayer. T o this end we have the testimony of Rev. Washington Gladden of Columbus, Ohio, who is a Congregationalist and whose word was never yet questioned. Adam Fawcet, as you know, is the Supreme Vice- President of the National A . P. A . and has sanctioned the publication of matter which he knew to be false; and which he knew would be read as true by millions of his fellow men. (See the Century for July, 1894.) Y e t Mr. Fawcet is one of the most devout men in Columbus; a man who is sometimes weary in the conscience, having snffered from intellectual la grippe. He is color blind in his "mind's eye" and will probably be taken to an oculist in the sky: in other words, he is what is known as a hereafter invalid. But then the world is a battlefield and many a man goes to Heaven on a stretcher. It is essential, however, that we have the Protestant Church back of this movement and make a heavenly show of hellish contention. A C R O W D IS A L W A Y S R I G H T . The crusaders crucified themselves in their efforts to take the scene of the cruci- fixion. On their way to the old Jerusalem a 85 goodly number of them stopped off at the New Jerusalem! We are rushing into a crusade in vast numbers and I, who am not re- ligious, though an active member in a church, tremble at the thought of our strength. Made bold by numbers we may sharpen our opponent's sword and too thoroughly arouse the Catholic manhood of America. In burn- ing this brush-pile we may set the whole woods afire. Were I a politician I would hasten to leave the order and publish the fact to the world. In the words of Sambo: "It am my 'pinion de A . P. A. what runs fah office am gwine to do a heap a walkin." But we are in the A . P. A . and having been initiated we have become members of the great Dennis family and of necessity must stand in with our kin. T H E A D V O C A T E . The Christian Advocate of New York City has condemned the A . P. A , for circulat- ing false statements concerning Catholics. This is a queer stand for the great organ of the Methodist Church of America to take. It ought to know that to -fight the Catholics suc- cessfully we must assume a deal to be true that we cannot prove; and proceed upon that assumption. Hence we believe that in recruit- ing our order that its reverend managers were justified in publishing that on a certain night 36 the Catholics would attack the Protestants. Wherefore, we know that the mayor of Toledo is made of good stuff or he would not have, ordered rifles with which to shoot Catholics. Of course, he should have known that in that shot, we aimed at old men, little children and the great body of half-illiterate Americans. Toledo needs not a truer but a wiser mayor. W I L L D E P E N D . The growth of our order will depend largely upon the credulity of the average American whose capacity for swallowing has always exceeded his ability to digest. Hence, in the United States we have what may be termed a dyspepsia of ihe mind. A s the great mass of Americans have not at hand that by which they may verify state- ments not self-evident, it is possible to palm off for true anything that bears the honest face. A s long, therefore, as our A . P. A . organs continue to publish what Reverends Fawcet and Wood sanction, so long we may hope to stampede the unlettered dunces who think when they _ take an oath to " b o y c o t t " their fellow countrymen they have sworn themselves great! In the name of all the gods that were I do believe that if a secret society were started for the encouragement of theft and the making of thieves respectable, it would have a phenomenal growth. Many good men would join it on the ground that a man should belong 37 to anything that will possess him. The secrets of mankind would make a very uninteresting book. After all the badge of honest manhood,, though worn by a beggar, is the badge of all badges. When a secret society is formed on a pre- text for the purpose.of gaining undue political advantage it is a monster in motive and its pro-, moters are in the. very nature of things, ene- mies of mankind. Men who conspire to make an ambush of the ballot that from the under- brush of absolute security they may make cow- ardly attack upon the Church of the poor— such men confess themselves both weak in position and unfair in method. They are white Indians! If the ministry of Protestant- ism cannot trust the defense of American in- stitutions in an open field and a fair fight it at once confesses either an inherent intellectual weakness in itself or a lack of faith in Ameri- can citizenship. If there is one thing I dislike to see in an A . P. A . lodge room it is a Protestant minister who has taken an oath, first, to uphold the Constitution of the United States and, second, to violate the same Constitution by placing a religious test as a requisite for office. It is like unto a man taking oath that he will not swear. I will probably remain in the order but only as the fellow who was not in the army "any to hurt." But I tell you the order in my judgment is fraught with great ill to our country. Religious freedom was from the be- ginning the boast of this land; yet here's a movement on foot looking to the practical dis- franchisement of men because they profess to believe that somewhere in the crazy earth God has established the authority of reason. Jack, you know me to be hard-hearted and flin ty as the times; yet believe me, the outlook grows misty when I contemplate it; yet I trust the dove of religion will bring us the olive branch of peace instead of a wreath of thorns where- with to bind the brow of the Republic. For one I will never insult the intelligent citizen- ship of America by asking anyone to approach through darkness the obligations our oaths impose. The A . P. A . propaganda puts men's souls in jail, using their sworn con- sciences for padlocks and keys. It is true that, like myself, the average A . P. A . did not fully comprehend the oaths that he took and has been in a profane mood of mind ever since. I know my brothers would ostracize me if they knew with what measure of contempt I regard the ulterior purposes of our order. We are but sharks following the Ship of Hope, hungry for political carcasses. But when we shall cowardly and secretly set the "boycott" upon an American citizen who has the misfortune to be neither a Protestant nor a Free-thinker, we shall be reminded of a meeting held by some geese once upon a time. 39 A P A R A B L E . On a beautiful lake in the deep wood there lived some geese and some swans. A t morn the kindling flow of the violet waves would redden with the fire of dawn the while a soft white smoke, arising from the bosom of the waters and fashioning into cloud, would glide like a dream of the sea athwart the blue sky, till shattered into showers of pearl by the wintry touch of the mountain winds. Upon the motion of an old goese one day the geese formed a secret society and resolved that there was quite " a difference in the morning" be- tween a goose and a swan; that the swans should be confined to a certain shallow side of the lake; that a swan should not be recognized as having the same privilege as a goose; also that geese are very fond of the singing of swans, especially as swans sing only upon their departure from this life! When the swans heard these things some of them felt worse than others; and one of them felt so bad to think that she, a swan, had been so re- solved against by the geese that the swans themselves disowned her, saying to the humil- iated swan, " Y o u are a goose to"feel so! " D A N I E L D O N A L D S O N . Los Angeles, California, July, 1894.