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THE DUTIES OF PARENTS

TOWARDS THEIR CHILDREN

BY THE REV.

BERTRAM WOLFERSTAN, SJ.

S85

LONDON

CATHOLIC TRUTH SOCIETY
72 VICTORIA STREET, S.W.I



Wrapper, 2s. net

The Pope and the People
Select Letters and Addresses on Social Questions

by POPE LEO XIIL

NEW AND REVISED EDITION.

With Introduction by Mgr. Canon Parkinson, D.D:

CONTENTS
The Evils Affecting Modem Society.
Concerning Modem Errors, Socialism, &c.
Christian Marriage.

Working Men’s Clubs and Associations*

The Christian Constitution of States.
Human Liberty.
The Right Ordering of Christian Life.
The Chief Duties of Christians as Citizens^
The Condition of the Working Classes.

the Working Classes
By POPE LEO XIII.

With Introduction and Analysis by Mgr. Canon Parkinson, D.D.

A translation of the famous Encyclical Remm Novamm,

in which are laid down the basic principles of

Social Justice.

Catholic Truth Society, 72 Victoria Street, London, S.W. 1



THE DUTIES OF PARENTS TOWARDS

THEIR CHILDREN

BY BERTRAM WOLVERSTAN, S.J.

The Fourth Commandment

“ Honour thy father and thy mother, that thou mayest be

long-lived upon the land which the Lord thy God will give

thee.” (Exodus, xx., 12.)

Thus far the words of Holy Scripture
;
but the Catholic

Church, guided by the Holy Ghost and speaking through

the mouth of her doctors and pastors, instructs us

that this Commandment includes not only the duties

of children towards their parents, but also those of

parents to their children. Further, we are to under-

stand that the word ‘‘ parent'' comprises, in general, all

who have lawful authority over others
;
and “ children"

signihes those who are subject to the lawful control of

any one else.

It is a matter of common experience to find that

while parents are very ready to insist on the duties of

their children, they are slow to realise the obligations

of the father and mother. So we may consider the

Duties of Parents towards their Children, because, if

these are properly discharged, it is probable that, in

the great majority of cases, the duties of the children

towards their parents will be fulfilled as a matter of

course.

The Responsibility of Parents

The Catholic Church has never ceased to urge upon

those contemplating marriage the due consideration



2 The Duties of Parents

of the importance of the step they propose to take,

the serious responsibility they are about to incur, the

difficulties that will present themselves, and the magni-

tude of the exertions that will be necessary if they are

to acquit themselves worthily of their duty.

But as regards those who are already married and

parents of children, there is no further choice. The

duties and responsibilities are now theirs
;
and nothing

remains but to consider how they may best fulfil them.

What have they done ? By their agency children have

been brought into the world
;
and these children have

not only bodies to be cared for, but also souls that may

be saved or lost. Of course no soul capable of reason

will ever be lost except as the consequence of its own

free-will wrongly exercised. This being so, it is the

duty of parents so to train their children in habits of

virtue, that the chances of a perverse use of freedom

from parental control in future may be reduced as

much as possible. And if a soul is lost during child-

hood, or afterwards, in consequence of parental neglect

or bad example, its parents may rest assured they will

be called to account before the Judgement-seat of God.

We read in Holy Scripture the account of the first
murder committed in the history of mankind. Almighty

God not only required from the elder brother an ac-

count of the whereabouts of the younger one
;
but, on

receiving an answer disavowing any responsibihty. He

cursed him for his crime, saying, . . . . the voice

of thy brother's blood crieth to Me from the earth
"

(Gen. iv., lo). What terrible form may not the male-

diction of the Almighty take upon parents who have

neglected their duties, and whose childrens' souls cry

to Him from among the lost ?

The Care of our Children a Matter of Prayer

It cannot be too much or too often insisted on that the

care and education of children is a spiritual duty of a

very high order. Holy Church emphasises this by her



towards their Children

solemn approval of so many Religious Orders and

Congregations of both sexes whose principal duty it is

to teach and train the young. In these communities,

Masses and prayers are unceasingly offered up that

they may worthily discharge the all-important duties

confided to them. If this be so in the case of those who

are not permitted to undertake the care of children

without long and careful training ; how much more is it

necessary for those who have had no experience and

little or no previous instruction in the matter ? And

of how much more consequence does it become in the

case of parents who, from the necessity of having to

work for their living, can only devote a limited portion

of their time to their parental duties ? Most certainly

the care of their children should be the subject of un-

ceasing prayer.

The grace of being a good father or mother is un-

doubtedly a great blessing
;
but, like other graces and

blessings, it can only be obtained by the free gift of

God. Furthermore, Almighty God has the right, which

He sometimes exercises, of withholding His graces

from those who will not ask for them
;
and He wishes

to be asked in prayer. St. Paul tells us to '' pray with-

out ceasing'' (i Thess. v., 17) : and, among other peti-

tions in the Lord's Prayer is one for our daily bread"

(Luke, xi, 3). The Church Catechism explains this

last to mean that we pray that God may give us daily
all that is necessary for soul and body.'' And who can
have so many necessities, temporal and spiritual, as

those who will one day be held accountable, not only

for their own souls, but also for the assistance they have

given to their children to the same end ?

When we are in temporal necessity, we are ready
enough to fly to God and ask His assistance. We
constantly hear of Mass being offered for a temporal

favour," for recovery from sickness," for '' a safe

journey," and the like
;
but how seldom for a '' blessing

on a marriage," or for '' our children"-—unless, indeed,
such requests are in nearly every instance veiled behind
“ a private intention 1

"



4 The Duties of Parents

Their Children's Salvation should be the Parents'

Chief Care

It has already been insisted upon that the care and

education of children is a spiritual duty. Unfortunately

very many parents seem to lose sight of this end al-

together. In a few cases, everything is subordinated

to/' getting on in life/' as regards the boys: but, in

many more, the boys are allowed to do very much as

they please, and, for lack of seasonable advice or cor-

rection, grow up into idle, mannerless young men, who

are no credit to anyone. Much the same holds good

concerning the girls
;
but in their case, by " getting on

in life" is understood " getting married off" as soon as

possible.

Both extremes are equally dangerous. The first

class of parents may well ask themselves : " What doth

it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer

the loss of his own soul ?" (Matt, xvi., 26). The other

sort of parent is even more foolish, for his children run

great risk of eternal ruin, without even the attempt to

gain anything in this life. This consideration should

convince us that

Children must be Trained as well as Taught

It must be borne in mind that, although " education"

—by which is meant the cultivation of the mind by the
acquisition of useful knowledge—may be, quite possibly
with advantage, deferred for some time, " training"—

that is, the moulding of character—-should commence
as early in life as possible. Hereafter, at school, both

will—it may be hoped—go hand-in-hand ; but if the
training process be put off until the child leaves home,

endless difficulty will be caused from want of " a proper

bringing-up." By that time, habits will have been

formed which can only be broken with difficulty—

perhaps not at all. Nay, the absence of proper home-

training will be no small obstacle to the acquirement

of that very education for which children are sent to

school.



towards their Children 5

Nor must it be supposed that when parents send their

children to school their duties in the matter are ended.

The best training of a school can be entirely undone

by lack of co-operation on the part of parents at home.

Worse than this may happen. A child naturally leanj;
to what is easy and agreeable. From the very nature

of things, it places its parents on a pedestal, sees every-

thing from their point of view, and learns to adopt

their principles and standards. On the other hand,

discipline of any sort is difficult and distasteful, while

the school-teachers in no way occupy the same position

in a child's estimation. If, then, it sees that at home

no account is made of the principles and maxims of the

school, the child will learn, naturally enough, to make

light of these as of no importance^—as only ‘‘ part of
the lessons" which it is to the interest of the teacher to

insist on.

Even this is not the worst. A time will come when
the child will be a child no longer. It will then have

learned to think, and judge men and matters for itself.

And perhaps the neglectful parents in this matter may

find themselves the sorrowful objects of their children's

criticism : and may even be told, in answer to some

remonstrance :— Well, you should have taught me
better when I was young."

How shall we Train our Children?

To many minds, the very word '' training" has an

ominous sound. Visions of books of rules and schemes

of diet rise before the mind's eye, and the conclusion is

hastily arrived at that one might as well be a school-

master at once. And yet there is no cause for alarm.

Children can be trained in the simplest and most natural

manner, and the process can be continuous^—a matter
of the greatest importance. The method is simply

that of good example. And thus it will appear that
the care of our children is one of those things that

blesseth him that gives and him that takes
;
for we can-

not give a good example to our family without being

continually on our own good behaviour,



6 The Duties of Parents

Now, how does good example train the young?

Ever5dhing a child learns comes at first by imitation.

The simplest instance of this may be found in the matter

of speech. Children born and bred in the Highlands,

in Yorkshire, and in the south of England, will speak

English
;
but how different is their accent and intona-

tion ! Why this difference ? Because they learned
to speak the language they heard spoken by those

around them. In the same manner, we may notice

two families. The children of one have no appearance

of having been continuously drilled into any particular

course of behaviour
;
yet they are simply and naturally

quiet, obedient, and inoffensive. Those of the other

are loud, boisterous, and unruly—reminding us, not of
the historic family where forty children conducted

themselves like one, but of that other where every

child conducted itself like forty. Perhaps it may

happen that the members of this last family appear
''
in company,'' as it is called

;
they then assume an air

of disciplined suavity, much more irritating to con-

template than their previous bad behaviour. The first

family are simply behaving as they have been accus-

tomed to behave at home-—that is, with moderation
and restraint. The second have been, in like manner,

conducting themselves as usual, until it was considered

necessary that they should be washed and brushed into

some semblance of order-—^when, too, along with the
“ Sunday clothes," the company manners" were pro-

duced for the delectation of those present.

Nor is this true only of external behaviour. Children

are not only as imitative as monkeys, but also exceed-

ingly observant. They may perhaps not understand

the meaning of what they see, just then
;
but they may

bear the fact in mind, and work it out even years after-

wards. But in the present, if they notice that their

parents are habitually untruthful and insincere they

will, by mere force of imitation, develop the same

characteristic. Nor must it be forgotten that, though

unnoticed and silent, the child often sees both sides of

the question. It hears the effusive expressions of



towards their Children 7

delight which greet the unexpected, and possibly unwel-

come, guest
;
and it also notices—and perhaps treasures

up for future use—^the unflattering remarks which
follow on the departure of the same. If this be so,

what is to be said of parents who are habitually profane

of speech in the presence of their family : or even, in

extreme cases, appear before them while under the

influence of drink ?

There are no such things as Trifles in this Matter

There is, of course, a great difference between faults

and faults if these are considered by themselves. For

example : it might be a very slight sin to take a few

pence from a rich person who would probably never miss

them, and would certainly suffer no inconvenience

from the loss
;
but it might easily be a grave matter to

take the same from a beggar, because the loss would

be a serious one. When, however, we consider the

question of small faults in children, they cease to appear

small if we reflect that they are either forming or

strengthening a habit which may be very difficult to

overcome in after-life. We read in the lives of the
Saints that they habitually practised heroic acts of

virtue and mortification which appear to be quite

impossible to ordinary mortals. How did they arrive
at these ? Not in a day, nor even in a year.

.
They

began by small acts and by constant exercise these

increased, and became habitual to them.

Now, childhood is the period of life when nature and

will are most plastic. Consequently, a child's character

can^—as a rule^—^be moulded into almost any form that
those who have the care of it desire. It becomes

necessary, therefore, to check the beginnings of bad

habits as soon as they are noticed, and this even though

the individual actions themselves seem trifling. In like

manner, tiny indications of virtuous dispositions should

be noticed at once and encouraged.

By checking the beginnings of bad habits," it is by no

means implied that every small fault should be visited



8 The Duties of Parents

by punishment
;

it will usually be sufficient for the

purpose that a child finds that what it has done has been

observed. Equally of course is it undesirable that

when a child does well in small matters it should be

indiscriminately praised or rewarded
;

for that may

very easily induce repetition, not from the original

motive but for the purpose of being noticed. Of the

entire human race, children are perhaps the most

human
;
and it is part of human nature to delight in

appreciation and praise and to resent correction. The

very young keenly enjoy the former
;
but they have not

the intense disgust at being found fault with that is so

often a characteristic of more mature years. Where-

fore it may be laid down that that which may grow

into a confirmed habit is not a trifle
;
and it should be

checked or encouraged^—with moderation in e.ach case
—as soon as it becomes apparent.

Children should gradually be accustomed to act

from Principle

Although the training of a child is most necessary, it

is only a means to an end. Training consists in helping

the young to form such a character as will enable them

to do or say the right thing in after-life, when those

who brought them up are no longer at hand. At the

beginning of the process almost unceasing supervision

may be necessary
;
but as soon as possible this should

be gradually relaxed, and the first idea of personal

responsibility engendered by the feeling that they are
“ trusted.'’ It is quite possible that in many cases

this may at first appear to be a failure
;
several times

a child may be relied on to do what is right, and as

often betray the confidence reposed in it. But unless

a child be altogether vicious and depraved by nature—

which one would be sorry to think occurs often^—its
sense of right and wrong will most likely prevail. In

this latter case, a triumph has been gained ; while, in



kmards their. Children 9

tke former, the child would probably have done wrong

in spite of any care that might have been exercised.

It is sometimes asserted that to talk about “ prin-

ciple'' to children is ridiculous. If it be ridiculous, it

may be asked :— Whose fault is that ? Is it the fault
of innocent childhood which, with proper training, can

be induced to do nearly anything
;
or of the incom-

petent trainers who failed in their duty ?" And it may

also be asked :
—

“ If children are not trained to act from

principle early in life, when precisely is the process to

begin ?" In the Sermon on the Mount, our Lord told

His hearers :
—

“ Take heed that you do not your justice

before men, to be seen by them : otherwise you shall

not have a reward of your Father who is in heaven
"

(Matt, vi., i) : and St. Paul cautions servants against
“ serving to the eye, as it were pleasing men," telling

them " as the servants of Christ" to do " the will of God'

from the heart" (Eph. vi., 6). If this does not imply

action from principle, it is hard to understand what it

does imply. And the Catholic Church, imitating her

Master, has never ceased to warn her children against

acting from motives of mere human respect.

Finally, as has been already remarked, children are

very observant, and they are also quick to detect
" shams" or inconsistency. Must it not then appear

to them a contradiction that parents should constantly

instruct their boys and girls in the " principles" of the

Catholic Faith
;
and afterwards show, by evident lack

of conhdence in them, that they have no belief in their

good-will to carry those principles into effect ?

What shall we teach our Children?

It ought to be quite clear from what has already been

said that the training of our children is a personal

matter for parents
;
and also that as much can be ac-

complished by example as by precept. It will now be

well to call attention to details.

The first and most important question is that of
" spiritual duties," as they are called. (It is taken for



10 The Duties of Parents

granted that parents are alive to the importance of

having their children baptised as soon as possible after

birth.) A good parent will, of course, not be content
with teaching the children to say their prayers,'' but

will endeavour to make them understand what it is
they are doing, its importance, and whom they are
addressing when they pray. As prayer should be the

first duty in the morning, so it should be the last at

night. Almighty God was our First Beginning : He
will be our Last End : it is only becoming that we should
so consider Him in our daily life. Morning and night
prayers ought, therefore, to be regarded as a sacred

duty, not to be omitted on any account. When children
come to look upon prayer in this light, we may hope

they will have formed a habit which will last their life-

time.

Although Holy Church does not insist that Sundays

and Holidays of Obligation shall be made days of gloom

and burden of spirit, and does not forbid innocent

recreation at these times, she always supposes that a

notable part of the day is spent in God's service. Some

people fulfil this duty by going to assist at the earliest

Mass, after which they seem to think there is no more

to be done. Others, again, hail Sunday and the day

of obligation as days on which to lie abed till the latest

possible moment which will allow them to go to the

latest possible Mass, and sometimes do not appear

at that one until the latest possible moment. Many,

of course, attend Benediction ; but how many ever

think of being present at a catechism or an instruction

in the church ? An idea is abroad that these are only

affairs for children. Well, so they are, chiefly, in order

that children may be grounded in the Truths of their

Faith. But there is always much that can be learned

by older people ; and in the case of those who, by some

misfortune, have not been thoroughly instructed in

their religion when young, there is great need of making

good the deficiency now. Flowever this may be, there

are two very good reasons for at least an occasional

attendance at catechism by parents and grown-up



towards their Children II

people. First, there is the example set to their own

children and others
;
for it thus appears evident that

the older members of the congregation do not regard

the religious instruction of the 5mung as a matter which

only concerns the clergy. Secondly, a parent may arm

himself against some of these questions, often put to

their elders by intelligent children, which cause em-

barrassment if they cannot be answered there and then.

It is also an excellent practice for parents to receive

Holy Communion on certain fixed days, and to teach

their children to do the same. By doing this it appears

that they do not act from impulse, or even because

they have nothing better to do
;
but because they have

made a rule and keep it.

Again, the young are not bound to fast
;
neither are

their elders when engaged in certain kinds of work.

But this should not mean that no difference at all is to be

made between Lent, etc., and other times. Something

can and should be done^—e.g., abstaining from enter-
tainments, both public and private, restricting the

diet at home to the simpler and plainer kinds of food

which, while equally beneficial, clearly mark the differ-

ence between the penitential seasons appointed by the

Church and other times.

Obedience

In these days of so-called independence,'' the general

disinclination to do as one is told hardly needs to be

pointed out. Much of this spirit is, no doubt, due to

the perversity of human nature
;
but much more is

certainly attributable to the lack of proper training at

home—the habit of obedience was not formed there.
Almighty God, in the beginning of the world, estab-

lished the family as the unit of society
;
and ordained

that the father should be the head of it. This received

its most striking illustration in the Holy Family at

Nazareth’—the charge of the Infant Jesus and His
Blessed Mother was confided to St. Joseph, the least



12 The Duties of Parents

perfect member
;
and the commands of the Almighty

in respect to the Holy Family were communicated to

him alone. o
Of the conduct of our Lord, when young, all we are

told is that
‘‘ he was subject to them (Luke, ii., 51).

Of course, in the case of the Divine Child, He needed
no training to obey

;
but in the case of the ordinary

child it is far otherwise. Child human nature likes to

have its own way and, if the child has not prudent

parents, generally contrives to have it. It would be

well if parents would reflect upon the harm they do on

the one hand by injudicious commands, and on the other

by sentimental yielding. A parent should (i) Never
give any command to a child without consideration

;

(2) Never tell it to do anything which cannot be done ;

(3) insist upon it doing what it is told—and
at once

; (4)
contrive that, from time to time, a child

should be told to do or not to do something^—this for
the purpose of forming and strengthening a habit of

obedience. Fond mothers are particularly warned

against giving their children anything they choose to cry

for. A squalling brat may make itself very unpleasant
for a time, but it will soon stop squalling if that appears

to be fruitless
;
while a spoilt child will be a nuisance

to all who have to do with it, and what is worse, grow

up into a disobedient man or woman. A child of this
sort once worried his mother for half-an-hour or so,

being constantly refused what he asked
;
at th*e end of

that time, his mother gave in, saying, with a weary

air :
—

‘‘ Very well, yes, for the sake of a quiet life.'’ The

harm was done
;
and thenceforth that child got anything

he wanted “ for the sake of a quiet life."

Truthfulness

By the Eighth Commandment, not only is false

witness against our neighbour forbidden, but also

falsehood of every sort. Nor is there any escape from

the obligation under cover of the excuse that
''

after

all, a lie is only a venial sin." For just as we are for-



towards their Children 13

bidden to commit grave sin, so we are forbidden to

commit venial sin, although the penalty is different.

Furthermore, there is no habit so difficult to cure as

this one of lying. This arises from the fact that it

grows unperceived
;

and, quite possibly, ends in the

victim of it hardly knowing whether he or she is speak-

ing the truth or not. This being so, parents must be

on the watch for the beginnings of such a bad habit

and correct it as soon as it shows itself. The more

frequent occasions will probably be found in
''

lies of

excuse,'' i.e., small deviations from the truth, made to

hide some fault and escape punishment. It is well

worth consideration whether it may not sometimes

be a good plan to condone small faults, when a child
'' owns up manfully," as it is called

;
but lying in any

form—words, deception, cheating, and so on—should
be a matter for prompt reproof. And here again we

see what valuable lessons can be taught by good example.

If the children see that their father and mother are very

careful in the matter of truth, and also in that of just

and honourable dealing with others, they will be led

to imitate their parents, and become truthful and

fair-dealing themselves.

The Companions of our Children

Though parents set their children the best possible

example, it will be all to no purpose if its effect be un-

done by anyone else. This result may be very easily
arrived at by indifference as to the friendships our

children form. Of course, many parents are most

careful to bring up their boys and girls well, and to the

companionship of such well-brought-up children no

exception can be taken. But unhappily not a few

parents are not of this kind
;
their children have learned

all sorts of undesirable habits unchecked, and their

ideas are apt to be wrong-headed and perverse.

It becomes of importance, therefore, to notice what

sort of friends our children take unto themselves, and

to separate them from such as do them harm. The



H The Duties of Parents

question will no doubt be asked : '' How are we to do
this ? Are we to keep the children always at home

under our own eyes
;
or are we to follow them, step by

step, at their play ?” In neither of these ways. The

first method would most likely produce the good

little boy'' of a certain kind of story-book—from whom
kind Heaven preserve us ! The second^—will make the
children deceitful, while not affording their parents

any information. There remains a third, and more

practicable method. Notice the manners and be-

haviour of the children, and this when they return

from the company of others. If they have been under

any undesirable influence, they are almost certain to

show it in some way : they will express strange ideas
;

they may be more difficult to manage, may want some-
thing they have hitherto been content without, and say

in support of their request that : So-and-so always

has or does this "—perhaps vulgar or profane ex-
pressions may slip from a child's lips in an unguarded

moment. Now these things may seem trifling
;
but

they are the straws that show how the wind blows.

And so, when any of them—or indeed anything which
points to some undesirable influence—happens, it is
time to inquire into the matter. The influence must be

looked for either at home or abroad. If we can con-

scientiously say it is not at home, it must be elsewhere,

and that elsewhere will probably be among the chil-

dren's friends
;
and when the companionship of any

other child is found to be doing harm to our own, it is

time that it was stopped. Children—especially boys
—are great hero-worshippers. Being for the most
part very impressionable, they are easily captivated

by any assumption of greater daring or independence

by others and try to imitate them. But there are

always some who are leaders
;
and sometimes they do

not lead others into any good. Whichever part their

children play, parents will do well to be on the alert to

see what comes of it, and so be prepared to counteract

the effects of bad or undesirable friendships as soon as

they become apparent.



towards their Children 15

Reading

There seems to be no‘ end to the multiplication of

books in our time
;
and this avalanche of printed matter

—much of it cannot be called literature, with any
approach to truth—^is proudly pointed to as a sign of
progress, while those who produce it are supposed to

be, in some way, benefactors of their species. This might

be true if the object of it all were to make people better

in any way. Nor would there be any harm done if

the only result attained were that of innocent amuse-

ment. All work and no play makes Jack a dull

boy,'' and the same applies to Jack's sister
;
not only

recreation, but much useful information is to be obtained

by reading. But—possibly on account of competi-
tion among authors and publishers—very often it
seems to be thought necessary to introduce a good deal

of highly-spiced matter into some of these books, and

consequently a large proportion of such reading must

be classed as dangerous to faith and morals. It there-

fore behoves parents anxious for the spiritual well-being

of their children to exercise as much supervision as

possible over the books that come into the children's

hands. As to the reading of books that are avowedly

bad, and the harm that may come from it, parents
would do well to study the Instruction issued some

years ago by the Bishop of Birmingham : '' On Reading
Bad Books." This can still be obtained from Messrs,

Canning, 33 Snow Hill, Birmingham ; price one penny.

But—bad books apart—much harm sometimes
arises, especially in the case of girls, from the reading

of many of the modern romances. Not only does the

reading of such waste time that might be better em-

ployed, but it works mischief by imbuing the girls with

false notions of life—in fact, many of them are respon-
sible for more harm than the much-ridiculed shilling

shocker" or '' penny dreadful." The bulk of the matter

in these last is so evidently extravagant, not to say

impossible, that the worst to be expected from their

perusal is waste of time, or possibly a nightmare.



i6 The Duties of Parents

But the writers of some modern novels idealise what it

pleases them to call '' love/’ i.e., their conception of

it
;
and the pupil in their school learns that it is the only

thing worth living for. All that is pleasing to the eye

or attractive to the senses is there set forth in great

detail
;
but the uselessness of the lives led by the charac-

ters described, who would appear to exist only to get

rid of time and money, is seldom or never alluded to.

Most of us have to work—and work hard—for our
living, and romantic occurrences will probably be few

and far between
;
but monotonous commonplace details

will abound and these are never, or very seldom, touched

upon by writers of romance.

Reading good and wholesome books is a relaxation

and beneficial
;
but excessive, and still more injurious,

reading is an occupation which, by distracting the

attention or making the reader discontented, will work

more harm than good.

Consideration for Others

There is ha^rdly any defect so inherent in human

nature, and which so easily grows into a confirmed

habit if not corrected early in life, as selfishness. No

one can live his or her life by themselves for themselves.

We are brought into daily and hourly contact with our
fellow-creatures

;
and, this being so, it is necessary for

the well-being of the family and of society at large to

think of others as well as of ourselves.
'' Thou shalt

love the Lord thy God with thy whole heart,

and thy neighbour as thyself.” (Luke, x., 27). St.

Gregory explains that, when our Lord sent out the

seventy-two disciples two-by-two to preach the Gospel,

it was to inculcate the duty of charity : for '' the objects

of charity are two-fold, God and our neighbour : and

between less than two, charity cannot be practised.”

(Horn. xvii. in Evang.). This is cleverly illustrated by

Dickens, in Oliver Twist, in the conversation between

Fagin and Noah Claypole : “To keep yourself safe is

your Number One : for that you depend upon me. To



towards their Children 17

keep my little business snug, I depend upon you : that
is my Number One. The more you value your Number
One, the more careful you must be of mine : and so you

see a general regard for Number One keeps us all to-

gether, else we should all go to pieces in no time.'’

Of course, all our efforts in the direction of charity

ought to be primarily to please Almighty God : but

besides this, we each have a '' little business" of our

own, which is to live on good terms with our neighbours

and secure their affection. The selfish person fails in

both directions
;
he offends God, whose Commandment

he breaks
;
he fails in his duty to his neighbour, by whom

he is most probably detested.

Children, should therefore, be trained day by day

—

there is no other method—to think of others. This is
one of those duties the neglect of which may bring its

own punishment. Parents who do not teach their boys

and girls to be kind and considerate to others may one

day find 'that they are unconsidered themselves—and
by their own children.

In this matter of consideration for others, the poor

should have the first claim. Not seldom an idea obtains

that the giving of alms, or assistance in any form, is a

matter for ‘‘ grown-ups" only. Why should it be ?
If children get accustomed to spend all their pocket-

money on themselves alone, when are they to learn

any better ? How can we expect a selfish child to grow
up into a large-hearted, sympathetic man ? But,"

objects a fond mother, '' if my child gives his little
pocket-money, or any part of it, to others, he will have to

go without himself." Just so. Madam : and a very good
thing too ! Nothing is of any value that costs nothing.

Outside the question of alms, there are the relations

of children with their brothers and sisters. In practical

training in unselfishness, the poor certainly have the

advantage of the rich. There is so much to be done,

so little to do it with, and so small a space to do it in

—

perhaps there are so many to be done for—that each
must yield to someone else on occasions, if life is to go

on at all
;
and so the lesson is learned in this way.



1

8

The Duties of Parents

But in the case of the well-to-do there is enough and to

spare for every member of the family to go their own

way, irrespective of the rest
;
and here it is that training

is more particularly required. Nor should it be for-

gotten that “ things'' are not the only matters in which

consideration, or the want of it, can be shown. Other

people have feelings, and those feelings are capable of

being hurt
;
and they are more often hurt by want of

thought than by want of heart—want of thought before
speaking.

In general an act of kindness, to be appreciated, need

not be anything great, nor cost anything except effort :

and trifles often give the most pleasure. It is not the

gift of the lover, but the love of the giver that counts.

Good Manners

Closely allied with the foregoing is the question of

good manners. Before saying anjdhing on the subject,

it is well to clear the mind of sundry wrong ideas con-

cerning them. To begin with, a certain sort of boy

seems to regard good manners as
'' unmanly"

;
while

his sisters are apt to 'resent any well-intentioned act of

courtesy, as an attempt at familiarity which must be

repressed at once. And yet neither brothers nor sisters

are to blame—the parents should have taught them
better. But again, many parents themselves are just

as much at sea as their children, and will tell any one

who ventures to remonstrate that “ company manners"

are only hypocrisy. Just so :
'' company" manners,

by which they mean politeness to strangers and rude-

ness to their family, are a mild form of hypocrisy
;
but

good manners are not so by any means : they are simply

the rules of Christian charity put into daily practice.

Charity towards our neighbour consists in being offensive

to no one
;
in trying to have the same regard for the

feelings of others that we desire them to have for our

own
;
a readiness to render those small services which

show that we think of someone else besides ourselves
;

and last, but not least, that we should readily acknow-

ledge anything done for ourselves. There is an enormous



towards their Children 19

difference between children and children. And children

are as they have been made, or at least allowed to be,

in their own homes.

The training of children in good manners cannot begin

too soon. The earlier it is begun, the easier it will be,

for it is as easy to form a good habit in young children

as a bad one. To put the matter on its lowest ground :

it may be supposed that parents wish the boys and

girls to do them credit, and pass as well brought up.

And if they do, let them put the work in hand at once.

Habits of Order^ Method^ etc^

Why is it that some people do an enormous amount
of work yet are never in a hurry, and even have time to

help others ? Why is it that others are always in a
hurry, always full of business, generally pressed for

time, and yet do very little work ? Why is it that one
man can lay his hand on anything he wants, just at the

moment he wants it ? While another seems to spend

most of his time hunting for things which he usually

fails to find until they are of no use ? The reply to all

these questions is the same : the first, in each case, have

been trained, the second have not. Who should have
trained them ? Where ? and when ? Answer : Their

parents
;
at home

;
when they were young. This may

seem quite unimportant now
;
but if it be overlooked,

a youth may find himself hereafter beginning work with
an undesirable habit to overcome which he need not

have acquired.

Simplicity of Life^ Amusements^ etc^

In many ways the training of our children seems to

be contradictory. Asked what he intends to do with

his boy, a parent will probably reply :
''
There's plenty

of time to think of that
;
we must not make him old

beforehand." This kind of parent not seldom complains

that his boys and girls want things he never thought of

at their age, and that what satisfied him by no means

contents them. Is it possible that the explanation of



20 The Duties of Parents

this lies in the fact that we are unconsciously “ spoiling’'

our children ? It looks like it. Why are so many
children sickly in appearance ? They live in a great

city, you say, and cannot be expected to look as -robust

and healthy as those bred in the country. There may
be something in that

;
but there is much more in the

fact that they are not simply brought up. Passing

along the streets after ten o’clock at night, it is quite

an; ordinary thing to meet with children—and young
ones too—who should have been in bed long since.
How do we feed them ? on plain, wholesome food, at
regular hours ? Not always

;
for, very often they are

allowed to eat just what they fancy. Every school-

teacher is quite familiar with this sort of thing :

—

'' Dear Sir, Please excuse Tommy being late for school,
and doing no home-lessons. We took him to a party
last night, and he was up very late.” (Tommy is about

nine years old). Such instances might be m\iltiplied

to any extent, and they go to show that we do not train

our little ones to live simply, to be satisfied with simple

things—plain food, inexpensive amusements, and even-
ings spent at home

;
and if we do not do this, we are

unreasonable to complain if they are restless and dis-

contented. And what wonder is it that so many

children are puny, weakly, and look old before they

begin life ? Of course the dealing with this matter

involves trouble
;
for children should be taught, not told

to learn, and it is unreasonable to turn them loose into

an empty room and tell them to amuse themselves.

Their parents must interest themselves in the matter
;

they should try to compensate for the lack of apparatus

by cultivating the society of their children, and, as far

as is possible, interesting themselves in their little con-

cerns. A priest once listened to a long list of com-
plaints from a mother on account of her children of

both sexes. According to her they were wild, discon-

tented, and several other things besides. At the end

she, quite unconsciously, supplied the reason :

'' You see. Father, my husband and I are very
fond of society

;
we go out nearly every evening.



towards their Children 2i

and so, of course, we cannot look after them

ourselves/'

Again, we hear that :
'' Tommy will not eat this or

that
;
and so we have to get something else." When

we saw what it was that Tommy disliked so much, the

inward reflection was :
" And no wonder, poor child !

The same answer applies here. Food may be plain,

but it can be nice, but to make it nice we must take

trouble with it. And trouble is too much trouble" ;

so we tempt poor Tommy with delicacies that would

upset an ostrich, procured from elsewhere. No wonder

that he
'' has a pain" next day, and has to be sent home

from school !

Once more : why do the shops exhibit such wonder-

ful bargains" in little girls' frocks, hats, etc. ?
Simply

because tradesmen know that foolish parents will buy

them
;
and thus turn their girls, who should be dressed

as simply as possible to allow freedom of action,
into

caricatures of their elders. The husbands of these

same little girls will one day be surprised that the week's

wages go fast ; and that there is very
little to show

for them—outside dress. It will be delightful, no
doubt, to see their wives following the fashion :

whether

it will be equally so to receive a summons on account

of the non-payment of the water-rate is another question.

Thrift

A few words on Thrift will not be out of place here.

The training of our children is as much in view of the

future as it is for the present. Therefore we should be

thrifty in their regard, if only for the sake of the
lesson

conveyed. Thrift is not meanness, but only prudence

in the use of our means. Well-to-do parents often
do

their children great wrong in the matter ; with mistaken

kindness, they give their children not only things that

are necessary but also many that are not—merely
because they can afford to do so. In most cases, these

boys and girls will have to begin life not from the point

where their parents left off, but from the point where

they started. Everything they get they will have
to



22 The Duties of PuTents

earn; and if they are to succeed will have to deny
hemselves in much

;
and here they are learning extra-

yugant habits at home, without knowing it. Some-
thing has already been said on the question of alms-
giving : and it is only referred to again because the
nrst attempts at thrift are apt to be exercised in this
direction—that is at the expense of others rather than
at ones own. Nobody will ever be ruined by his
chanties

; so parents may rest quite easily about this
matter and encourage their children to be liberal to others
We read of many men “ who have made themselves ”

M^ho, when they were quite young, saved their pocket-
to purchase books or tools.

What our own children would say if this were expected
of them one hardly dares to think. They expect such
things and many more, in the way of amusements

—

to be provided for them as a matter of course, and with-
out any sort of effort on their own part

; and this is
due to neglect of training in thriftiness, and simplicity
m habits and wants.

Correction

The Apostle St. James has laid down that “ in many
mgs we all offend ” (James, iii, 2). Nowhere is this

more true than among children. We have then to
^ should be done when our children do

offend. We are bound to correct them, of course •
but how ? No general rule can be laid down, because
no two children have exactly the same disposition.-

—

Moreover, there arises the vexed question of corporal
punishment. Some parents see in it the remedy for
every fault of which childhood can be guilty

;
and they

perversely quote Solomon, to the effect 'that whoso
spares the rod spoils the child. Others have a “ con-
scientious objection” to anything of the sort. Probably
both parties are wrong

;
and the safe course lies, as

usual, in the middle. If the first class had only carried
out their duty to their children earlier in life, there
might have been no necessity to call in “ Father Stick”
now. And if the latter would only exercise a little



tovDards their Children 23

more common-sense and a little less sentiment, we should

hear less about the lad who is the despair of his parents

because, in their own words, '' we can do nothing with

him/'

It seems then that the best way to deal with a child's

wrong-doing in its early stages, is by gentle remonstrance

and reproof. Should these fail, there is no need as yet

to proceed to extremities. There are plenty of ways

in which an offence can be brought home and its repeti-

tion prevented—such as being deprived of this or that
amusement, and so on. There used to be an old-

fashioned method of correction by playing on a child's

fears, locking it up in a dark room alone, etc. It may

be hoped that such practices are long since extinct. It

would be well if personal chastisement were reserved

for more serious offences, such as wilful disobedience,

falsehood, and the like.

Whatever is done, let it be just, done after due con-

sideration, moderate in amount, let the reason for it

be thoroughly understood, and, last, but not least, let

the offence appear to be forgotten as soon as possible

afterwards. In whatever way domestic discipline is

preserved, let the method be continuous. The volcanic

method is not recommended—by this is meant, patient
endurance of irregularities for a time, followed by a

storm to clear the air. It may clear the air, but it may
also leave ruin behind it. The natural hurricane never

does any damage that cannot be repaired
;
the domestic

hurricane not only exceeds the necessities of the case,

but sometimes produces effects which can never be

undone.

The Secret of Family Life—Mutual Confidence
As Almighty God established the family as the unit

of Christian society, it is clear that He did not wish any

further sub-division. Therefore the family should be

one, i.e., united : and this can only come about by all its

members having confidence in one another. Parents

have already been urged to show some confidence in

their children
;
they will make this much easier if they



24 The Duties of Parents

lay themselves out to induce those children to have

confidence in them. A parent is not Judge of a Court
of First Instance, whose sole duty it is to investigate

and pass sentence
;
but the friend and adviser of each

and every member of the family. Parents know how

human they were, and are, themselves
;
they should

allow that their children are human too. Consequently,

when anything unusual happens, the parents should be

the first to hear of it—and from the children them-
selves

;
because the latter are convinced they will get a

sympathetic hearing. Advocates of a strict bringing-

up might take careful note of this
;
it will save them a

great deal of anxiety. The boys get into trouble, and

go to anyone rather than their father for help. A little
advice might help the girls, but their mother only hears

of the need of it from outside—afterwards. On the
other hand parents of the opposite way of thinking rest

quite easy in their conviction that, as long as their

children tell them of nothing unusual, nothing unusual

is happening : for, as they will tell you themselves :

Oiir children have no secrets where we are concerned.''

And this is as it should be.

The Education of our Children

So far, nothing has been spoken of that cannot be

done at home—or, at least, that cannot be begun there.
We now come to that part of a child's bringing-up which
is usually confided to other hands than those of the

parents themselves. This is called Education
;
which,

for the present purpose may be described as '' the
training of the mind." But it must not be supposed

that when the services of the teacher are called in, the

duties of the parents cease
;
rather, additional obliga-

tions are placed upon them : for besides continuing all

that has been insisted on before, there arises the further

duty of co-operation in the work the teacher is doing,

or trying to do. It becomes, therefore, of some moment

for parents to understand the necessity for Education,

and other matters connected therewith.



towards their Children 25

The Training of the Mind

The mind is just as much a part of the individual as

are the limbs or the organs of digestion
;
and, just as

these do not arrive at their full capacity for performing

their functions all at once so the formation of a mind

capable of reason and reflection is a work of time.

Moreover, if any member of the body be kept in a state

of permanent disuse, it becomes gradually incapable of

the duty assigned to it by nature
;

similarly, if the

mind be allowed to remain in a state of stagnation, it

also will at length be found to be incapable of develop-

ment. In the earliest stages of life such things as are

learned are arrived at by imitation, e.g., speech
;
a

child born deaf is generally dumb. The next stage is

that in which knowledge comes by means of the memory.

The memory is most retentive in childhood, in some cases

to such a degree that it is difficult to decide whether

one is dealing with an extraordinarily clever child, or

only with an ordinary child who has an extraordinary

memory. But this condition does not continue per-

manently. Therefore it becomes of importance to de-

velop the reasoning faculty, in order that, the principles or

foundation of the matter in hand being grasped, all that

follows from them may be arrived at by the process of

reasoning. When a child can do this successfully, it

has a trained mind—more or less—because it can think.

Education prepares a Child for its Work in Life

Parents very often object not only to the number of

subjects taught at schools, but also to the nature

of the subjects themselves. A man has a grocery busi-
ness, we will suppose

;
and at school they insist on teach-

ing his boy* (say) Latin—of all subjects in the world !
not content with arithmetic, he is made to learn geometry,

not to mention other things. The lad is intended, as

the school authorities very well know, to join his father’s

business
;

and here he is, learning all kinds of things

which can never be of any use to him there. A familiar
illustration will answer this objection—those small

chairs on wheels by the aid of which babies learn to



26 The Duties of Parents

walk. The baby probably reaches its chair on all fours,

like an animal. It climbs up the chair, leans on it,

and the thing slides away
;
so it walks by the help of

the chair, gradually gains its balance, becomes more

adventurous, leaves the chair and goes alone. Now
this chair will be of no possible use to the child in after-

life, and yet it has done a necessary work—it has taught
it to balance itself and walk. The same holds good of

the educational process. In ten years' time, may be,
it will not matter to the lad whether Caesar conquered

the Gauls, or the Gauls conquered Caesar, or whether

a square has four sides or forty
;
but the overcoming of

the difficulties incidental to the study of Latin and the

subjects which, on the face of them, seem so useless,

will have done its work. The struggle will have pro-

duced a mind that can think
;
the educational chair

can now be cast aside and the trained mind will have

no difficulty in mastering subjects of more practical

importance. One more example : Take two boys of

the same age, both intended for the same kind of work

—

an office, we will suppose. One of them is set to learn

only what he will have to do there : answering business

letters and adding up interminable bills of parcels.

The other gets a good general education and learns to

use his mind. When they start work, the first can do
all the routine work he has been taught, but nothing

more
;
the second probably knows red ink from black,

and there his business training " ends. But he has

a trained mind, is orderly in his work, and can think
;

in a very short time, he will have mastered all that it

took the other one years of labour to acquire. And the

employer will be quick to see the difference : in one case

he has an educated youth, in the other a mere mechanical

drudge. In the upshot, the one will make his way

upwards : the other will remain where be began till he asks

for a rise of salary, when he will probably lose his place.

The Education of Girls

While it is of course desirable that girls should also

be taught to use their minds in due degree it must not



towards their Children 27

be lost sight of that their object in life is—or ought to
be—different from that of their brothers. The average
boy will have to make his living and provide the means

to keep a home : the average girl will have to look after

the home itself. A certain amount of intellectual
training is beneficial for her, but training in the manage-

ment of her home, in all its details, is much more impor-

tant. It is greatly to be deplored that much time

which could be so much better employed should be

frittered away in the pursuit of accomplishments,''

as they are called. Girls learn to dress, not merely

usefully and becomingly but elegantly and fashion-

ably which means waste of time, not to mention

money which could be much better applied. Time again

is wasted in learning to play musical instruments

—

to the delight of their friends, who never reflect

that the family of the accomplished performer lives

uncomfortably, in an ill-kept house. Nor will it avail

to urge that our girls are going to be teachers
;
or that

they will be so well provided for that they will have

servants to do everything for them. In the first case :

how can they teach others what they do not know

themselves ? In the second : half the troubles of well-

to-do people with their servants arise from the fact

that missus " has had no experience herself and

therefore does not know what a servant can reasonably

be expected to do. Even in a model household, a

domestic crisis is bound to arise, sooner or later. The

housemaid's aged mother who has been “ on a bed of

sickness " for years, gets suddenly worse, and the maid

must go to look after hei^; or Cook keeps her birthday
''
not wisely, but too well " : and these and similar

emergencies detect the competent housekeeper, or the

reverse. But in any case, no home can be comfortable

without a good manager at its head. An ill-kept,
untidy home will drive father away to seek quiet and

comfort elsewhere, and send forth slovenly, unmanage-

able children. These and greater evils in the future

may be prevented by timely attention to the training
and education of our daughters in the present.



28 The Duties of Pdfmis

A Duty to the Catholic Body

It is very often a matter of complaint among Catholics

that, while they take their full share of the burdens of

citizenship, by paying rates and taxes, they have little

or nothing to say in the disposal of the funds so raised
;

and that Catholic interests often suffer at the hands of

public bodies, such as County Councils and the like.

Moreover, we often notice, with perhaps a feeling akin

to envy, that these same public bodies are largely

composed of men who, as they boast, “ have made

themselves —that is, have by their own energy and
industry raised themselves from exceedingly humble

beginnings to positions of influence. But should it

not occur to us, on reflection, that the path to influence

and success is just as open to ourselves as to our non-

Cathohc friends ? Not to us in our own persons may be,

for we are most likely too old and have long since marked

out our own manner of life which we can hardly change

now
;
but it is open to our children in the future. Whe-

ther that future is to be successful for themselves, and

useful for their fellow-Catholics, largely depends upon

whether the parents take an intelligent view of the edu-

cation of their children, or the reverse. We do not
mean that an attempt should be ipade to educate a

race of Catholic County Councillors
;
but it must be

insisted on that it is the duty of every parent to procure

for his child the best education at his command and,

by so doing, fit him for such a position, should the

opportunity occur.

There is less excuse than ever, in these days, for

failuie in this matter, as a good education is to be had

almost for nothing. Even when parents are poor, the

difficulty can usually be overcome in the case of a

promising boy
;

for, as all Catholics know, there exist

in our midst educational bodies by whom the acquisition
of. wealth is entirely lost sight of, in their endeavours

to train and educate Catholic children.

But it is to be feared that it is not lack of means that

causes remissness in this matter. There seems to be no

lack of funds for anything that interests us, nor even



towards their Children 29

for those numerous holidays and excursions that have

come to be a necessary part of our existence. It is

rather indifference, arising from the fact that we, do not

adequately appreciate one of our duties to Holy Church.

While we leave—and very rightly—^the direction of
all purely spiritual matters in the hands of our bishops

and pastors
;
is it not rather unfair that we should cast

upon the clergy the additional burden of the care of

temporal matters, in which we might render most

valuable assistance ? We read that in the '' dark ages,’'
as they are sometimes’ called. Catholics of all degrees

were ever ready to fight for the rights of Holy Church^—

•

as the Crusades attest. In these gentler and more

civilised days, she expects her sons to be ready and

willing to help her with their brains and influence
;

just as, of old, she called them to her assistance with

sword and spear.

The laity of religious bodies outside the Catholic

Church set us an excellent example in this respect—

•

rather too much so, in fact : for not only do they take

an unceasing interest in all that concerns their parti-

cular denomination and exert themselves to secure the

education, influence and well-being of its members
;
but,

on occasions, they take in hand the instruction and direc-

tion of their clergy as well. Catholics, of course, would

never attempt the latter
;
but, in leaving it alone, they

for the most part decline to concern themselves with

the former. And thus we notice that the present- da}^

battles of the Catholic body in this country have to be

waged, almost entirely, by the clergy, aided by a few

of the devoted laity who take a correct view of their

duty towards their Church. Possibly many more are

ready to do the same, in theory
;
but they fail in practice.

But in any case help, to be of real use must be in-

telligent. But intelligent help only proceeds from an

intelligent and cultivated mind
;
and such a mind in

the adult is only to be attained by the careful and

intelligent education of the child. And this leads to

the conclusion that we can only fulfil our duties to our

Church by fulfilling our duties to our children.



30 The Duties of Parents

Education is an Investment of Capital

No one who undertakes a commercial affair, even in
a small way, can ever hope to succeed unless he is

prepared to sink a certain amount of capital in it. If he

have not the necessary funds himself, he will make it

his business to secure the assistance of somebody who

has. Either plant, of a more or less extensive nature,

has' to be laid down, or stock of some sort must be laid

in before any return can be expected, and even before

operations can be begun. During the provision of

either, or both, of these, our would-be merchant has to

be content to see time passing and money going out

but nothing coming in—knowing perfectly well that,
on the perfection of the preliminaries the success of his

venture will depend. In like manner a man who seri-

ously destines his son for a professional career, such as

a lawyer or doctor, is quite prepared to provide for the

lad, for several years, a course of education and training

which for some time will bring no return. Father and

son both recognise that they are contending for a prize

and that the best prizes are only awarded to the fittest.

There is no royal road
''
to success in life, any more than

there is to virtue or sanctity
;
and a youth cannot be

an ignoramus to-day and a successful man to-morrow.

How short-sighted, not to mention unfair to their
children, are those parents who, having sent their boys

to school, allow themselves to be diverted from the

purpose for which they sent them there, on the first

appearance of some specious opportunity of getting

some trifling return in money. A boy whose education
gave every promise of success is suddenly snatched away

from school or college and put to do something.'’

''Something" usually requires neither training nor

skill, and the remuneration is, for the most part, in-

significant. Nay, more : it is generally only temporary ;

and even if it be permanent, a year or so will show the

boy and his parents that there is nothing in it and that

it leads to nothing—a " blind alley " occupation. What
is to happen then ? The work, such as it is, can be



towards their Children 31

done by younger hands ; and no one takes any interest

commercially in the uneducated. Therefore the boy

must either remain idle, in which case he will most

likely get into mischief, or he must take to such work as

the uneducated can do. Unskilled labour is better than

idleness, but it is for the most part hard and toilsome

and will not commend itself to our young friend. Even

if not too old, he will look askance at resuming his

interrupted education. Apprenticeship to a trade

means all sorts of disagreeable things^—^obedience,
restraint, application^—^and therefore is not to be thought
of. So he possibly tries his hand as a ‘‘ master-trades-

man,'' in which occupation he quickly fails for want of

knowledge and experience. There only remain those

branches of industry which, although not directly

contrary to God's law, demoralise the individual and

have a bad effect upon his neighbour. Such occupa-

tions, although they may have been undertaken through

stress of circumstances by parents, must often c^use

twinges of conscience at their results
;
and if parents

really have the welfare of their children at heart, they

will spare no pains to prevent them following in their

footsteps.

All or any of these things may be prevented by timely

recognition of the fact that Education is just as much

an investment as the initial expenses of a business.

This being recognised, all that is wanted is patience

and co-operation in the work that is being done. Parents

may rest assured that, if they give these, they are on the

high road to the development of a generation of practical,

useful Catholic men who, with the blessing of God, will

be a credit to the family from which they came, and to

the Church who owns them as her sons.

Life is a Serious Affair

A noted philanthropist once stopped and asked a
boy whom he met by the roadside : “ What are you
going to do, my lad ? Do you propose to fight for your
King and country ? Do you think of revelling amid
the shadowy creations of the artistic world ? Or do the



32 The Duties of Parents

flowery fields of literature attract your youthful fancy?’'

“No, Sir
;
dad said as how he were going to set me to

work in the ’tater field next week.”

Experience goes to show that “ dad” was not more

short-sighted than some others of his kind—he could
see as far as next week. And

,

so we send Tommy to
school, and congratulate ourselves that he is out of

mischief for the present. The question of what Tommy
is to do when his school-days come to an end comes

upon us like a thunder- clap. But we recover ourselves

sufficiently to reply with severity : “ Tommy is much
too young to think about that yet.” Tommy, on his

side, is only too willing to put off anything not connected

with food or play. Years roll by
;
Tommy is fifteen,

perhaps more, still doing nothing and doing it very well

;

but no decision has been arrived at. No sort of prepara-

tion can be undertaken by teachers ijn respect of a boy

who is working for everything in general and nothing

in particular
;
besides, some parents seem to take so

little interest in the formation of Tommy’s mind that

it would puzzle them to say with any certainty whether

he is better fitted for watch-making than for witchcraft.

But at the age of (say) thirteen, the bent of a boy’s

mind may surely be discovered and arrangements made

to the end that, when he leaves school, he may be more

or less prepared to commence his life’s work. That life

is a serious business and that we have only one life is

too often lost sight of
;
and if, through our own short-

sightedness, we wreck a boy’s life in temporal affairs we

thereby unsettle him and make his spiritual ruin more

easy. A young man who “ is ready to do anything that
turns up,” is more than likely to be unable to do any-

thing that is worth doing^—a misfortune that can be
avoided by a little forthought.

Pawns in the Game

On no point is the Catholic Church more emphatic

than in her insistence that every Catholic child shall

have a Catholic education. Her Bishops and priests



toisDanis their Children 33

have struggled unceasingly for years to secure this.

The Catholic body at large has made untold sacrifices

for the same end by providing Catholic schools besides

paying rates towards the up-keep of the Council schools.

Training colleges and the Religious Orders which are

concerned with education are straining every nerve—

•

often under the most adverse circumstancos^—to provide
efficient teachers, well versed in modern methods of

education
;
it remains therefore for parents to take ad-

vantage of what has been provided for their children.

But it is to be deplored that there are parents—^happily
not in large numbers^—who regard the Catholic school
as a factor to be played off against the non-Catholic

school. These imagine that in their anxiety to secure

for the children the blessing of a Catholic education,

priests and teachers can be made to yield on almost

any point. And so, when any difference of opinion

arises between the school authorities and the parent,

the latter will threaten : Oh well : I can send my
children to the Council School.'' No doubt he thinks

he is doing a very clever stroke of business in thus trying

to
'' squeeze " the authorities : but in reality he is treat-

ing the soul of his own child as a pawn in the game,

wherewith to blackmail his pastor. To send a Catholic

child to a non-Catholic school, without sufficient reason,

.

may easily become a grave sin, because (a) every Catholic
child has a right to have a Catholic education

:
(b) sending

them elsewhere may expose their Faith and Morals to
danger

:
(c) in such schools their spiritual education is

often neglected
:
(d) bad example is set to other parents :

and (e) if such a course becomes common. Catholic

schools cannot prosper as they should.

But, outside the question of Elementary Schools, it

may be urged : “ Why may I not send my boy to a non-
Catholic secondary school ? For (i) I am assured his
Faith will not be interfered with, as no religious instruc-

tion is given, or if there is, he will not be compelled to

follow it : or if there is and he is compelled to be present,

it will be simple Bible teaching, which can do no harm

to anyone
: (2) It must break down prejudice, this



34 The Duties of Parents

mingling together on equal terms of Catholics and others :

(3)
Does not the Holy See admit my contention, by

permitting Catholics to go to Oxford and Cambridge ?

As to (i) : If there be no religious instruction at all, the

school stands self-condemned as a place of education

for Catholic children
;

if there be, although th^ child

may not be compelled to be present, he may be induced

to
;

attend
;
and it requires more strength of mind than

most children possess
,
to submit to be different from

their companions. Also the instruction, if it be definite,

must be hostile to the Catholic Church
;
for was it not

to protest against her claims that the denomination

which supports a non-Catholic school took its rise ?

Simple Bible-reading is useless, if it be simple, i.e.,

without explanation—-the scholars might read any
other history-book with as much profit-—^and it passes
the wit of man to give explanations without religious

bias. (2) The breaking-down of prejudice, like lion-

hunting, has two sides to it-—^youmay catch the lion, but
the lion may catch you. The Catholic child may break

down the prejudices of his Protestant schoolmates, but

the opposite may happen
;
and the Catholic parent may

find his child imbued with doubts as to the truths of

Faith, or learning to look with contempt on Catholic

practices of piety
;
or worse still, looking with tolerance

at those things which, though perhaps not gravely

wrong in themselves, very often lead to sin. It seems

to be altogether forgotten that there is such a thing as

an '"atmosphere"' about every school; by which is

meant the predominant feeling of the school and the

influence it exerts over each individual. Is it to be

expected that a man should be in (say) the Army for

a term of years, and at the end of it look at men and

matters from the point of view of a sailor ? (3) The

action of the Holy See affects young men who have

already received a Catholic training at a Secondary

School, not children
;
and the permission is only con-

ditional on due provision being made for spiritual needs.

Lastly : it is sometimes urged that non-Catholic

schools are better equipped, and that the teaching



towards their Children 35

therein is better than in our own. This is an assertion

which is nowhere proved and will take a great deal of

proving. But suppose, for the sake of argument, that

it is true in particular cases, what then ? The answer

can best be supplied by another question : Are such

schools dangerous to Faith, or not ? If they are, there

arises the further question :
“ What shall it profit a man

if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his

own soul ? (Matt, xvi, 26).

The Relations between Parent and Teacher

At the risk of seeming tedious, it must be again in-

sisted on that by sending their children to school parents

do not free themselves from responsibility. They

merely requisition the services of a skilled assistant

who, according to the law of God, is invested with

parental authority for the time being.

Parents may well examine themselves as to the con-

fidence they show in the instructors of their children
;

and also how they assist them in their duties. In regard

to the first, it must be taken for granted that they

really have confidence in the school authorities
;
for if

they have not, how can they reconcile it with their

conscience to place their children under their care ?

This being so, it should be borne in mind that teachers

are trained for this special work and are themselves

under some authority
;
consequently, they know better

than any amateur can, what should be taught and how

to teach it. More than this : long experience of boys and

girls has enabled them to perfect their methods of dealing

with the various characters with which they are in

daily and hourly contact. It will be more advantageous

to a boy in the long run if, when placing him at school

or college, the parent simply states what he intends to

do with the lad
;
and thereafter leaves the process alone.

Some parents make all sorts of conditions, e.g., the boy

must learn this and must not learn that
;
he must not

play such a game
;
above all, on no account must he be

punished, and so on. In this way they do their best—



36 The Duties of Parents

or worst—to deprive their boy of the benefits of school

;

by making him an exception to every rule, and probably

a “ muff '' into the bargain. Others again destroy

their children’s confidence in the school authorities by

lending a ready ear to every sort of complaint, on the

smallest provocation. Tommy came to school with all
his edges rough, and bristling with corners and these

are being rubbed down
;
quite naturally Tommy does

not enjoy the process, and as he cannot find fault with

that, he complains of the way it is done. Of course,

all complaints are not frivolous
;
and when well-founded,

are gladly redressed
;
but the majority of them are and

they would cease, were they not encouraged.

Next : how do we assist the work that is being done ?

First of all, there is the school-work itself. Do we

endeavour to secure regular and punctual attendance ?

Some parents are careless enough about this, and others

are worse for they take their children away for outings

and holidays without any excuse. There is also a

growing tendency to let children stay away from school

at the time of examinations and inspections-^this, of

course, refers to day-schools. This just falls in with

Tommy’s views—he has been idle, and is only too glad
to have the fact suppressed. But—supposing Tommy
to have worked well—is this fair to the teacher—v/ho,
after all, is only human and yearns to see some result

for a term’s work,—that Tommy must now be marked
''absent”? Then how do parents co-operate in the

matter of home-lessons, i.e., the work given to be pre-

pared for next day ? Numbers of parents, no doubt,

are very strict in insisting that these shall be done and

some even help
;
but more do not care, and even hinder,

by providing amusements or occupation which put

work at home-lessons out of the question.

Finally : How do parents help the discipline of the

school by inculcating habits of order, self-control, and

obedience, at home ? If they do, they make the training-

process continuous : if they do not, _ they undo, or

connive at the undoing of, all that has been done during



towards their Children 37

the day. It may be noticed here, that those parents

who are most remiss in securing the attendance of their

children at school, and most peremptory in the laying-

down of conditions concerning education, are alwa}^s the

loudest in their complaints that their children do not

get to the top of their class, or succeed in their examina-

tions. Similarly, parents who keep no sort of order at

home
;
who are most dogmatic in their demands that

their children should be “ coaxed '' into doing anything,

not told to do it
;
and who neglect them, in order to go

to theatres and the like; are just the parents who are

for ever bemoaning the bad manners and wilfulness of

their boys and girls, and wonder : '' Whatever are our

children taught at school ? We really must take them
away, if they don t improve.''

Conclusion

The good that men do lives after them
;
and the same

applies to their wives. Our children will not always be

young
;
and in after-life, though they may not remember

all their parents have said, they will, in all probability,

remember most of the things they saw them do. There-

fore if we bring up our children carefully and religiously,

we have given them the best possible start in life and

may hope that, with the blessing of God, they will

bring up their own children in the same way. History

abounds with instances of parents who thus owed to

their parents a debt which they could never repay.

St. Augustine, at the age of thirty-three, was converted

by the prayers and tears of his mother. One day, when

the Blessed Cure of Ars was recalling the reminiscences

of his childhood, his assistant-priest said to him : “ You

are very fortunate to have had such a good mother,

and to have been taught by her to be so fond of prayer."

After God," replied he, it was my mother's doing :
she was so good. Virtue," added the Cure, "passes

direct from the heart of a mother into those of her

children, who do cheerfully what they see she does

herself." On another occasion the Cure remarked that



38 The Duties of Parents

a child ought not to be able to think of its mother

without tears.”

If parents make their homes such as their children are

glad to return to, they will have done much to shield

them from the dangers outside. If they show themselves

sympathetic with their boys and girls, they will gain

their confidence
;

their own good example will be

imitated
;
and much of what has been suggested herein

will follow as a matter of course.

In a few years the parents will be old
;
and their child-

ren wiU themselves be fathers and mothers. If they

have brought up their children piously and well they

will, quite possibly, have the satisfaction of seeing them

prosper, even in this life. But even if they are not

prosperous in a material sense, they may confidently

hope that they are prosperous in one much better and

higher; i.e., that they are good Christian men and

women. And the thought that this has come about

by the care and pains they bestowed on them when

they were young, will do much to smooth their own

passage from time to eternity.

PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY THE CATHOLIC TRUTH SOCIETY,

72 VICTORIA STREET, LONDON, S.W. i.
'E.—March, 1922



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,
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,
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|

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