in CHRIST

D iscussion Outline

iy
Richard L.Rooney.SJ.

THE QUEEN'S WORK
3115 S. Grand Boulevard St. Louis 18, Mo.





COURTESY
IN CHRIST

By

Richard L. Rooney, S. J.

THE QUEEN’S WORK

3115 South Grand Boulevard

St. Louis 18, Missouri



Imprimi potest

:

Peter Brooks, S. J.

Praep. Prov. Missourianae

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J.

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Imprimatur:

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Archiepiscopus Sti . Ludovici

Sti. Ludovici, die 5 Septembris 1941

Ninth printing, October 1947

Any financial profit made by

the Central Office of the Sodality

will be used for the advancement

of the Sodality Movement and the

cause of Catholic Action .

Copyright 1941

THE QUEEN’S WORK, Inc.

Besotted



FOREWORD

In our time, when the world is faced with problems the

solutions to which will decide the fate of mankind, it may seem

incongruous to present a discussion outline on courtesy, seem-

ingly a subject of no weight.

It is not however out of place. When nerves are frazzled,

when tensions are high, when uncertainty dogs men’s footsteps

and insecurity renders them sleepless, nothing else can be more

soothingly shocking than to come face to face with the poised,

kindly, courteous man or woman. In times like ours such merf

and women are needed in great numbers.

It is to help supply that need that the present outline is given

to the Sodalists of Our Lady. Whatever the conditions of the

times, at least in our Sodalist’s relations with. others should be

found that courtesy which is the flowering of the charity of

Mary’s own divine Son. Followers of the world’s most charm-

ing woman and most courteous man are the best balm for our

own troubled times. Such men and women are the best defense

against future wars, for they stop wars where wars begin—

in the hearts and minds and social relationships of ordinary

folk like themselves.

- * —





Courtesy in Christ

BY RICHARD L. ROONEY, S.
J.

L THIS THING CALLED COURTESY

L What's in a Name?

This question is often asked with a sort of it-really-doesn’t-

matter attitude. The drugstore-vended dictionaries more or

less confirm that attitude. But a look into a real full-sized

grandfather of this meaner brood reveals that there is an

amazing lot in a name.

Just by way of proving this to yourselves, take a pencil and

paper—each of you—and jot down what the word or name
courtesy means to you. Pool the findings of the group. What
do you have as a result?

Now jot down the difference— in your own minds—between
courtesy and politeness . . .

manners . . .

kindness . . .

consideration . . .

Once again pool the findings.

By this time you ought to be definitely receptive to the use

of the real dictionary. There you will find just how much there

is in a name, in the name at least of courtesy.

2* Ah! Courtesy!

Webster et al gives a definition of courtesy which amounts to

the following:

Courtesy is politeness

originating in kindliness and

exercised habitually;

graciousness,

well-bred kindness, and consideration.

— 5 —



Politeness is the exhibition in manner or speech

of a kindly regard

for the comfort and

happiness of others.

Kindness is the exhibition of

a sympathetic and affectionate

disposition.

Putting these three elements together, we find that courtesy
is a peculiarly human thing. It is conduct flowing from a human

mind and a human heart. It is an outward manifestation of an

inward realization that human life, to be really human, must

be a matter of observing more than mere civility, more than

the mere necessities of propriety. It must go further and add

to these necessities the bene vivere of the Scholastics, the con-

forming to all that is graceful, delicate, thoughtful, and becom-

ing in human social intercourse. It is something more than mere

manners. It is something deeper than polite, civil behavior. It

is not the shallow, shiny, often sickish imitation that you hear

on the radio or meet across a desk or a counter. Rather it is

something deep and sincere which arises from a true love of all

other men and women as of their being one blood with oneself.

Points for Discussion

1 . Have everyone memorize the definition of courtesy.

2. Ask everyone to be able to explain each word of the

definition.

3. Show how courtesy is a matter of conduct (could a

person who never did or said anything with or for others be

courteous?), which requires the use of head (thoughtfulness,

learning the right thing to do at the right time) ... of heart

(being willing to do something for someone else). Does any

circumstance ever justify discourtesy?

4. Work out in the group five definite social advantages
that courtesy gives to the one receiving it and the one dis-

playing it.

5. Using examples which you run across in your own daily

lives, work out the difference between courtesy and mere

manners.

— 6—



6. At the end of this meeting and in preparation for the next

meeting appoint two or three of the group’s members to read

again the pamphlet “What Is This Mystical Body?” and

Chapters III-V of “Our Part in the Mystical Body” (both by

Daniel A. Lord, S. J.).

IL AND COURTESY IN CHRIST?

Even the well-bred pagan or worldling appreciates the value

of courtesy as a natural virtue.

But the Catholic, being richer in all the things of life than

the person who sits in darkness, has a finer appreciation of

courtesy. Being a follower of the world’s most courteous gentle-

man, the Catholic wants to be courteous in the only true way,

that is, the Christlike way. Being a member of the Mystical

Christ walking the earth today, the Catholic is courteous for

the wonderfully higher and more satisfying reason that polite-

ness, kindliness, consideration shown to another are shown to

Christ. “As long as you did it to one of these my least
brethren, you did it to me.’’

The value of any act a human being performs is to be deter-

mined not so much by the act itself as by the reason for the act.

A cheery good morning said to the boss with an eye to a raise
is not so good a human act as the same cheery salute to a

fellow worker whom you want to make happy even though vou
know he can never be of advantage to you in any way. It is

the motive that gives the act its high or low quality. Since that

is so, the Catholic’s courtesy has about it the glory and the

beauty of the court of heaven, for it is courtesy like Christ’s;

it is courtesy to Christ in others.

L On the “in”

It was Belloc, wasn’t it, who titled one of his books quite

simply “On’’? We go him one better here and title this section
“On the ‘mV’ It is important that that little preposition “in”

be understood right, for on its interpretation depends the

success or failure of truly Christian charity and courtesy.

1 )
The first meaning that the “in” can have is that of point-

ing out the courtesy that we find in the life and person of

Christ Our Lord as He walked the earth in His flesh-and-blood
body. That courtesy is the model for ours. That divinely

gracious politeness which shines out from His words and deeds

— 7—



is the exemplar on which we can fashion our own. Time and
again we meet it, the consideration, as He shows it to the poor
woman of Sichar, to the bride and the bridegroom at Cana, to
the woman taken in adultery, to the Good Thief, to Peter on
the lakeshore after the Resurrection.

A Suggestion. That this delicately human phase of Our
Lord’s life may become familiar to the group, it would be well

to appoint for each meeting that includes a mental prayer

another member to lead the prayer and use as the subject some

incident or example of the Lord’s courtesy to others that is

found in the New Testament. Such a practice will make more
real and alive His courtesy. Better still from these contacts

with Him in prayer we can hope that some of that divine con-
sideration will flow out of Him into the members of the group,

as virtue flowed out of His garments and into the poor woman
who had the issue of blood.

2) The second meaning that the “in” has is the one we

wish to stress here. It is the “in” of Christ Himself at the Last

Supper discourse. “Thou, Father, in me and I in thee; that

they also may be one in us.” It is the “in” of Paul when he

speaks so frequently of being “in Christ Jesus.” It is the “in”

which indicates all that we mean when we speak of Catholics’
being incorporated into Christ.

Another Suggestion. It is at this point that those who

have been appointed according to the suggestion given in

section I, number 6, in the list of “Points for Discussion,” can

give their brief resume of the doctrine which is at the basis of

your courtesy in Christ.

When this second meaning is clear, courtesy becomes not
merely a fine human thing; it is swept up onto the plane of a

divine adventure. Our politeness then doesn’t originate merely

in natural kindliness but deep down in the soul, which is filled

with saintmaking grace and its concomitant faith and charity.

Our graciousness is that which comes from a grace-raised

person. Our kindness and consideration are directed not merely

at another human being bound to us in the ties of the common

blood of our humanity but to Christ Himself and to all those

brothers and sisters who have been oned with us in Him.

2. A Christened Courtesy

The effect of such a vitalizing of ordinary courtesy becomes

clear at once.

— 8—



When I am courteous just to be like Christ, then I am trying
to bring into a crass, hurrying, busy modern world through the

medium of my own lips and eyes and hands and feet and mind
and heart the courtesy that He gave to the people He met
beside the shore of glinting Gennesaret or in the bazaars of

Jerusalem,

When I am courteous to another, I am polite and kind and
considerate, not out of any mere philanthropy, but because I

know that when I smile upon -this other mortal like myself or

give him a helping handout I am doing it for a real or potential
member of our Mystical Christ,

Courtesy then for the Catholic is not a matter merely of

courtesy and nothing more. It is a beautiful, fine, human,

natural virtue which has been taken to the baptismal font of

grace and faith and charity and has been baptized into Him.

Courtesy in Christ is courtesy which has been christened.

It is but another one of those “all things” which the Sodalist

of Mary and the Catholic Actionist has “restored,” has “again

brought back under the headship of Christ.”

Points for Discussion

1. Why should Catholic courtesy be different from pagan
courtesy? Does' the one differ from the other in externals as

well as in motive?

2. Discuss the truth of the statement that “It is not what

you do but why you do it that determines the value of an
action.” Adduce from ordinary life at least ten examples in

proof of your stand.

3. Briefly state the twofold meaning that the “in” has in

the title of the outline and of this discussion.

4. Without reference to the New Testament can you adduce
other examples of the courtesy of Christ than those given?

5. Will the imitation of Christ's courtesy be different for

men and for women? Back up your answer with a clear

explanation of the word imitation. How does an imitation
differ from a copy?

6. What do you think of the value of the suggestion made
under 1-1) above? (If the Ignatian method of contemplation

is not known to the group, it is further suggested that the sister

or father in charge be asked to demonstrate it.)

— 9 —



7. What does the second meaning of “in” add to the first^

—

if anything?

8. Can you practice true courtesy to others in Christ without

doing it in a Christlike way?

9. Name at least two qualities that Catholic courtesy will
add to the common garden variety of courtesy.

10. Project: For the next meeting and as a review of the

present discussion have three of the members put on a skit:

One will be the receiver of the courtesy of the other two. The
first of these two will be a good, kind pagan whose attitude

will be that of doing a favor for the receiver. Somewhat in the

technique of “Strange Interlude” he will manifest what is going

on in his own mind and give his motives for what he is doing.

The second of these two will do a kind act and give his

motives and thoughts as one doing the act in Christ. Finally

the receiver will soliloquize, explaining his feelings about the

subtle yet vital difference between the two courtesies.

IIL COURTESY IN CHRIST^A CHALLENGE
TO SELF-CONQUEST

L Mental Prayer

Christ's Courtesy to the Disciples of John.— (Jno. i, 35-39)

2 Courtesy and a Cross

Everything in Christ’s life led up to and flowed away from

His cross. It was tov/ard Calvary that He set His face. It was
on Calvary’s cross that He payed the last blood farthing of

our redemption. It was from the vestibule of the cross that He

stepped into the resurrected life of glory.

For His mother, for all His close followers, for any who

would be like Him, Christ has the present of a cross: “If any

man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his

cross daily, and follow me.” No one puts on a single shred of
Christ’s virtues and retains it save it be fastened by a splinter

of the cross.

Our courtesy to be true courtesy in a Christlike way must

have the sign of the cross on it too, the cross of denial of self

and thoughtfulness and service of others. If ordinary living

requires a certain amount of self-restraint, a certain number of

— 10—



compromises, adjustments, restrictions, how much more is denial

of self necessary for really grace-full living!

3* Project

At this point ask each member of the group to jot down

those virtues, natural and supernatural, which he or she thinks

to be the necessary equipment for the beginning and the con-

tinuing of living courteously in Christ. Discuss the findings of

each, and then draw up a list of those virtues which the group

as a whole considers to be essential. How does that list com-
pare with the following?

4* Conquest for Courtesy

Like all human actions and behaviors courtesy must start in

the mind. Christlike courtesy must therefore begin in a mind

wherein Christ Himself lives by FAITH. By reason of this
virtue we see ourselves in our proper perspective, in our

relations with God and with other men—and hence the all-
necessary virtue of HUMILITY is born. It is only the truly
humble person who can be GOOD-HUMORED and CHEER-
FUL and TACTFUL and UNDERSTANDING. With
FAITH also comes an appreciation of our fellows— from poten-
tate to pantryman, from Mrs. Millionrocks to Millie the house-

maid— as men and women who but mask Christ Himself.
CHARITY must be ours so that we do not stop at mere barren
faith but in our relationships push on to words and actions born

of love. Love is shown in service of others, a service marked by

KINDNESS and CONSIDERATION and OTHER-PER-
SON CONSCIOUSNESS.

For most of us the above-listed qualities do not come

naturally. Selfish though we are, we expect those qualities in
others, are hurt if they are absent, and are shocked if we are

told we lack them ourselves. To attain them, we must submit
ourselves to the hard discipline of prayer, thought, laborious

practice, uplifting successes, and disheartening failures.

It is only along the way of the cross that we can finally gain
courtesy like that of the crucified.

Points for Discussion

1. Discuss the statement that courtesy is won only at the
price of self-conquest. Why do you think this statement true

— ll —



or not true? What difference, if any, is introduced when you
make the same statement of courtesy in Christ?

2. Discuss the statement that we know that nothing is
really restored in Christ until we or it bears the stamp of
the cross.

3. Discuss the virtues given above. Let the leader of the

group assign a virtue to couplets of the group. Let them have a

few minutes to talk their assignment over privately. Then have

them give the results of their discussion to the whole group,

telling them: a) what the virtue is; b) why it is necessary for
courtesy in Christ; c)how the lack of it will ruin such courteous-

ness; d) three to five practical examples of its exercise in daily

contacts with others.

4. If the above suggestion looks like a too-big job for the

present meeting, the assignment could be made for the next

meeting.

5. If there is an artist or a draftsman in the group, he or

she might draw up a chart of these necessary virtues and show

graphically how they are linked with courtesy. If such a chart

could be made the size of this booklet, it could be inserted here

and used as a quick review for the group members.

IV. COURTESY IN CHRIST BEGINS AT HOME

1.

Mental Prayer

“He went down ... to Nazareth, and was subject to them.”

— (Luke ii, 51

)

2.

The Real Thing

For most people fear of what the other fellow will think and

say is a whip that keeps them within the broadest lanes of

social living. But when a person closes the door of his house,

steps into the well-known and familiar and often ineffectual

home circle, the reality of his virtues appears in all its

fineness or cheapness. The soundness of a person's charity is

tested and found true or wanting right at home. It is there that

charity—and hence courtesy— should begin.

3.

A Recall

Because they are so well known to us, so familiar, so very

much a part of our everyday living, it is well to stop right here

— 12 —



&nd recall for ourselves the motives of our courtesy. We want
to be courteous in order to be like Christ. We are polite and
kind to others in order to be kind and polite to Christ in them.

It may take some faith to acknowledge it, but it is true never-

theless that the misunderstanding parent, the petulant daughter,

the thoughtless son, the bothersome brother, the pesky little

sister are all only veils hiding Him. Once that idea is caught

and realized, the basis for a home like that of the holy family

in Nazareth has been laid.

4. Politeness in Practice

The present outline is not intended to shove Emily Post off

the booksellers' shelves. This booklet cannot give an exhaustive

or exhausting treatment of the various possibilities which lurk

under its various chapter titles. It aims to give merely headings

and hints; from these the group members can in their discus-

sions work out the many opportunities that they will find by

themselves to practice courtesy in Christ.

5 Avenues of Courtesy

Although courtesy is born in the mind and heart, it is, as it

were, born again in a person's exterior. It comes to light in a

person's appearance, facial expression, eyes, words, actions.

Since this is so, begin to check on your home courtesy in:

1 )
Your appearance: cleanliness—

of body . . .

of clothes . . .

neatness—

of clothes

hair ...

nails . . .

It is a mark of the self-seeking person to be bright and shiny

abroad and sloppy, untidy, even dirty at home. Home clothes
can be comfortable or even patched and worn; they can never

be excused of discourtesy if they are untidy or unclean.

Project: Together work out a set of rules which will cover

what the courteous well-dressed man and woman, boy and girl

will wear at home.

— 13



2) Your expression: You can do much to help or hinder the

general cheerful and comfortable atmosphere of a home by the

cheer and comfort that your own face, be it ever so humble,

can contribute.

Avoid as far as possible the two extremes of the "veddy,

veddy” superior expression, the vinegary visage, the morose,

miserable, sad countenance on the one hand and the tooth-

pastey, insincere smile on the other.

Genuine unselfish interest in the doings of all the members

of the family will give your face that delightful change of

expression that avoids both extremes mentioned and won’t

imprint on your face that monotonous forever-the-same look.

3) Your eyes: The most expressive feature in your whole

countenance is your eyes. Though you may not say anything,

though you may even control your lips and your tongue, your

eyes can blaze discourtesy with pain-giving harshness.

Eyes which look at another with interest, understanding,

kindliness, or—better still—which seek Christ in that other

person are always heartening, always courteous.

4) Your words: This takes in not only what you say but

how you say it. Many a heart has been hurt by the thought-
less, unkind, hasty word. Many a home has been shunned
because of a harsh, hard, barking voice or a nagging, bitter,

whinny one.

Projects: Together draw up a list of things never to be

said at home. Draw up another list of such words as will make
home life smoother. For the latter list don’t forget the simple,

never outworn thank-you.

Also, if the group is humble enough, let each member submit

to criticism of the tone, pitch, and distinctness of her voice and

the pronunciation in her speech.

5) Your actions: Here you merely list instances and activi-

ties in which courtesy may be practiced about the home. Leave

to the group’s discussion how evils may be corrected and

virtues practiced by each one of themselves. Underscore the

last five words of the preceding sentence. Your home is not

a place in which to barge about the rest of the family:

a. Your room . . . whether it is yours alone or more

especially if it is shared with another . . .

— 14—



b. The bathroom . . . quit hogging it!

c. The dining room ... a whole discussion or two could

be taken up with table etiquette. Nowhere else perhaps

does one show so readily good or poor breeding than at

the dining-room table at home.

d. The parlor . . . has Sister Sue no rights?

e. The radio . . . don't make a blessing a curse.

f. Doors . . . they are to be shut, not slammed.

g. Chairs ... funny how easily they tip— and how
noisily!

h. The telephone . . . maybe someone else in the family

would like to make a call too.

i. Coming home late . . . come in quietly. If you re

going to be later than usual, why not call and let mother

know you're not in the accident ward?

j. While others are reading . . . why break in on them?

k. While others are talking . . . don't interrupt.

l. The menu ... a chance for the housewife’s creative

power to show itself.

Project: Discuss the above points of tension. Draw up a

list of reasonable do’s and don’t's on those points. Over and

above those mentioned, what points of tension can each of the

group add from personal experience?

Points for Discussion

1. Talk over and see how you can best achieve the following

qualities that make for home courtesy:

Unselfishness

Fairness

Loyalty

Tact

Cooperation

Courage

Honesty

Love

2. As a review of this section assign for the next meeting

either a skit or a monologue in which one member of a family

describes what used to go on at home and what changes have

taken place since the group's discussion of this section, changes

brought about by another family member who is trying to

become courteous in Christ.

— 15 —



V. COURTESY IN CHRIST ENTERTAINS GUESTS

1* Mental Prayer

Martha and Mary entertain Our Lord.—

(

Jno. xii, 1~8)

2 Motive Recall

The recalling of the motive which makes our Catholic

courtesy different from all other kinds of courtesy should be

made an integral and distinct part of every meeting. The way
that it is presented should be varied— to this extent at the very

least: that another person make it each time.

3* Christ Is Come

An old Catholic saying states: “Hospes venit, Christus venit.”
“When a guest comes to visit, it is Christ who comes.'' Summed
up thus briefly, it contains the whole Catholic code of courtesy

with regard to guests. Whether it be a friend dropping in for

a few minutes, an informal gathering, a week-end house party,

a high tea, or one of those frightfully formal affairs, the attitude

of the host and the hostess should be the same. It is not

merely Mary or Joe; it is the Lord. " Whatsoever you do . . ."

In the same Catholic saying we also find a picture of how

we should act as guests. In us He comes to visit others. Our
unselfishness, considerateness, tact, ease in being pleased should

mirror the graciousness of the Lord.

4* What to Do About It

A member of the group can be detailed to look up in an
accepted book and at a later meeting present in summary form

either verbally or typed the main rules which govern the

etiquette of inviting, entertaining, and Godspeeding guests.

At the present meeting a discussion can be carried on in

which the following so-called little virtues can be talked over

and related to guest entertainment in particular.

1
)
Indulgence of Others' Faults: Somewhere A Kempis

says very wisely that we shouldn't be so hot against the un-

corrected faults of others when we find it so hard to correct
our own. If your guest breaks the Ming vase, spills something

on the tablecloth, talks too much, sets your best bedspread afire,

try to excuse rather than condemn him.

— 16—



2) Affability: God preserve us from the grim or chilling

host or hostess! Moodiness, sourness, impatience are all out.

Silence, taciturnity, the laconic yes . . . no . . . make for un-

comfortableness and uneasiness.

3) Condescension: It is not the look-down-the-nose type

that is meant here, but that condescension which disregards

self-interest and accommodates itself to the guest's interests as

far as reasonable justice and the law of God will allow. We
step down to the will and tastes of another. Such condescension

is at the opposite pole from that other attitude by which a guest

is made to feel that his host or hostess is going to make him

have a good time whether or not he likes it.

4) Simplicity: Born of sincerity and openness, this little

virtue slays all pretense, pose, double-dealing, deceit, and guile.

It was this virtue that enabled Our Lord to deal with equal

directness and ease with His mother, with Nicodemus come

by night, and with publicans and sinners.

5) Gentleness: '‘Learn of me, because I am meek, and
humble of heart." This virtue is shown in our actions, our tone

of voice, our words. It is not a sign of weakness but of the

strength that comes from self-denial.

6) Cheerfulness: Look and act and talk as though you

were actually glad this guest was come. Make him feel he is
come to a feast, not to a funeral.

7) Politeness: The little virtue which avoids everything

that would annoy or hurt others—even though it may mean
your turning from your favorite radio program to one you

cordially despise.

Points for Discussion

1. Discuss the idea of “Hospes venit, Christus venit." Is it

true? If so, why? What new joy is thus added to the host or
the hostess? What new obligation?

2. Let each member of the group air any perplexities that he

may have with regard to the entertaining of guests or his being
a guest. JS. g .: When should invitations before or thank-you
notes afterward be sent out?

If such a discussion proves to be distasteful to the more

sensitive members of the group because it shows up certain

— 17—



social ignorance, the points of doubt might be written out

anonymously by each member and given to the chairman.

3. Bring to light and list certain common mistakes and faults
you have seen guests, hosts, hostesses commit.

4. When you are discussing the little virtues, see that the
meaning of each is clear; imagine or cite actual cases of the

violation of these virtues; discuss from experience the effects of

each virtue; work out together opportunities for the practice of

these virtues from the viewpoint of various times, places,

situations.

VL COURTESY IN CHRIST PICKS UP A PEN
OR THE PHONE

L Meditation

The Gospel According to St. John, Chapter i. Verses 35-39.

2. Recall of Motive for Christian Courtesy

3* A Lost Art

There was a time when letter writing had its place among

the arts. But ‘‘them days is gone forever/' Not only has the

writing of letters ceased to be an art; it has simply ceased in

all too many cases. The defectiveness of school training in the

simple process of writing an English sentence; the bustling

rush of a busy world; the campaign for wiring versus writing;

the handiness of the telephone; the scanning of tabloids and

picture magazines instead of the reading of worth-while litera-

ture— all these have hanged, drawn, and quartered men’s ability

to write a friendly, interesting, delight-bringing letter.

4. Catholic Consciencelessness

Perhaps it is in a spirit of imitation of Our Lord, who, as

far as we know, wrote only once in His life, that Catholics

are such poor letter writers. It would be nice though if they

imitated His spirit at the time that He wrote rather than His
not having written at other times. It was out of His charitable

heart that He stooped over, wrote in the sand, and saved from
being stoned the poor woman taken in adultery. One very

definite outlet for charity that is presented to the Catholic is

that of answering letters, writing in such a manner that the

letters can be read, saying thank-you for favors received, in

— 18—



general being good to Christ at the other end of the mail route.

It's certain that many a Catholic man and woman are going

to burn in Purgatory for. the things that they haven’t done for

Him in this way'— unless they efficaciously purpose amendment.

5* Some Rules for Writers

A. ABC’s of “must” letters. The following letters must be

written if your courtesy in Christ is to flow from your pen..

1) Acknowledgments: thanks for gifts, favors re-

ceived, hospitality granted (bread-and-butter letter), ac-

ceptances or regrets (accept or decline an invitation within

twenty-four hours if you can ) , appreciation for sympathy

expressed.

2) Business: replies to questions asked, business under

way, bills, engagements and appointments, reservations,

acknowledgments of help given or goods received (even

people who work for you are human; more than that—

they are He)

.

3) Cordial: letters of congratulation, of introduction,

to intimate friends— especially to those who are sick, in

the hospital, away from home, in the training camps—To
elders who have been good to you, e. g ., teachers, con-

fessors, and the like.

B. In the writing. The following rules may seem elementary,

but experience will prove that they are not uncalled for.

Write promptly . . .

neatly . . .

on good paper . . .

legibly ( if the letter is going to be long or if you

write a poor hand, use a typewriter) . . .

correctly . . .

in such a way that you reflect you . . .

as if you thought that what you are writing might

be published in tomorrow’s paper (letters can bounce

back) . . .

a note rather than a commercial card to com-

memorate anniversaries, birthdays, and the like.

Project: Appoint someone here and now to examine a

standard book on etiquette and bring in for the beginning of

— 19—



the next meeting a list of proper letter forms for various people

and occasions. Our being headed for eternity gives us no

divine obligation to kick the conventions around. We can bap-
tize these conventions into Him too. "Restoring all things . .

”

6 Phone Faults Avoided

The increase of business on the part of the American Tele-

phone and Telegraph shows that here is another field of courtesy

not to be left unplowed. A spur to the avoiding of sins against
courtesy in this activity is given us in the example of the em-

ployees of the said company, who are trained to give service

with a smile in their voices.

When you- pick up a phone, then follow these directions:

1 )
Speak distinctly and loudly enough to be heard. The

main idea of a telephone seems to be the intercommunication

of two minds via the medium of words. It is not intended to

try the other person’s patience.

2) Don’t yell. Eardrums are sensitive things.

3) Don’t hog the telephone. There are others who may

want to put in a call too, so cut your telephone conversations

to reasonable lengths.

4 ) Phone at a decent hour. Soup isn’t very tasty when it is

cold. Sleep isn’t the better for having been interrupted.

5 ) Courtesy in Christ should be shown the operator. It isn’t

her fault if you read the wrong number in the telephone book.

6) Eschew guess-who games on the phone. People have

been known to froth at the mouth as a result of this pleasant

little pastime.

7) Anything like gossip (especially on a party line) , hanging

up before the other has signed off (it is the person who makes

the call who is supposed to end it), slamming the receiver—

these are to be sedulously avoided.

8) For the ladies: Don’t call the laddies except in cases of

real necessity.

9) Answer promptly when the telephone rings.

10)

Please and thank-you carry over the wire too.

— 20—



1
1 )

Ask if the person on the other end of the line is busy or

if it would be more convenient for him if you called some other

time. The way that he says no will give you an idea as to

whether he means it or is just trying to be polite.

12) A person who chews gum while he is phoning often does
things to the person at the other end of the line.

13) If guests are present when someone telephones you, let

the other person know that fact as promptly and politely as

you can. Guests have been known to die of ennui while they

waited for host or hostess to stop talking on the phone and

return to his or her duties of entertaining.

To sum it all up briefly . . . Think of Christ in the other
fellow. With that in mind it is not a bad idea to have a pencil

and a pad handy near the telephone. For the other person to

wait while you get these implements is tiresome.

Points for Discussion

1. Is it true that letter writing is a lost art? Can you give

reasons other than those mentioned here? Do you think the
loss great or inconsiderable?

2. Do you think that Catholics are more at fault in this
matter than are others? Are they more culpable if they fail in

this courtesy. Why? Who among Catholics are the worst
offenders? (We hope there isn’t a priest present.)

3. Can you add any other kinds of letters to those listed

“musts”?

4. Project: More or less on the spur of the moment (if

you wish, you can arrange it for the next meeting) appoint

two members to put on an imaginary telephone conversation

in which one commits all the faults that should be avoided and

the other avoids them all.

5. An examination of conscience of the whole group,
anonymously handed in, would provide good grounds for a

group resolution of amendment in the matters of writing and

telephoning.

6. Read and discuss the open letter on letter writing in the

January, 1941, issue of The Queen’s Work.

,

— 2i —



VIL COURTESY IN CHRIST GOES TO CHURCH

L Mental Prayer

The Gospel According to St. John. Chapter iii, Verses 13-16.

2 Motive Recall

3* Neither Nor .

.

For the Catholic at church there are two graces of courtesy

to be sought and two extremes of discourtesy to be avoided.

There above all other places the Catholic has an opportunity

to show his manners and regard and consideration for Christ

both on the altar and in those kneeling about him. For Christ

on the altar and in people there must be neither the discourtesy

of extreme formality nor that of careless neglect.

We go to church, most of us, with the intention of worshiping
God, of praying. Worship should be attentive, dignified, care-

ful, but not stiff, wooden, strained. Prayer is conversation with

God. Yet how hard it is to chat with a second person when a

third person is doing something that distracts and annoys either

of the conversants. With these two thoughts as guides as we

enter a church we should be able to genuflect, slip into a bench,
and sink into the absorption of prayer in a manner which will

please Him in Himself and in these His least brethren.

4* Regard for Others

This outline booklet is hardly the place for a lengthy discus-

sion on prayer and worship. Suffice it to say that a moment's

reflection on where we are going, what we are going to do, with

whom we are going to treat should suffice to give that attitude
of respectful familiarity with our best friend that should mark

our conduct— interior and exterior.

The externals of our conduct in a church do come within the

scope of this little work— so here goes. The secret of Christlike
courtesy in church is to be found in a strict living of the golden

rule. Of course we have never committed them, but here are

some of the “sins” of the churchgoer.

1 )
Making a good bit of noise— right into the vestibule of

the church and sometimes beyond.

2) Forgetting that the holy-water font is not to be made to

look like a misplaced birdbath.

— 22 —



3) Walking heavily down the wooden aisle or, if the floor

is stone, doing your best to see just how well your heels

will clack.

4) Entering a pew as though you were trying to ascertain

just how firmly fixed the kneelers are. And speaking of kneelers

. . . to pick them up and slam them down resoundingly is always

a jolly way to make everyone happy.

5 ) Reaching into your pocket or pocketbook for a rosary and

pulling out a fist full of change or a compact along with the

beads and having this profane matter fall to the floor and

distribute itself ringingly under another bench is a further help

to the devotion of others.

6) Coughing, sneezing, wheezing, noisily using a handker-

chief, hissing your prayers as if you were a peanut roaster,

banging your beads against the back of the pew ahead of you,

gawking about— all are recommended by Satan as sure-fire
ways of ruining the prayers of someone near you— or even
half the church away from you.

7) Sitting back suddenly before the man behind you has a

chance to rescue his Homburg is another well-tried way of

putting him in perfect disposition to offer Mass or to pray.

8) End-seat squatting, jostling, pushing, crowding are all

tabu for the Christianly courteous.

9) Rushing anywhere in church, be it up to the communion

rail or out the doorway at the end of Mass or a sermon, is

likewise definitely not done.

10) “Jumpin9 " ^e line when a crowd is waiting to get to
confession is another pleasant little custom, which makes extra

work for the confessor. We think that anyone who does this
should most certainly mention it as part of his sins: . . and

also for having been the cause of others' sins” might cover it.

1
1 )

While a little smile is permitted to acknowledge the

recognition of a friend, any other greeting should be saved

for a later meeting outside the church.

12) Comingf on time to services. Arriving late may show off
your new hat or dress to better advantage in a larger crowd,
but it also shows off your boorishness.

13) Leaving before the services are over is equally distract-

ing and discourteous— unless you really must catch that train.

— 23 —



5* His Priests and Nuns

It is well to remember two things when you are dealing with

those who are especially close to Christ by reason of their
priestly or religious vocations. First they are human beings;

don't shun them as though they carried some contagion about

with them. Second they are special human beings, and hence

much of the manner and content of talk that would be quite

all right with people in the world is to be shunned when you

are with them. Familiarity is to be avoided for both these

reasons. Friendliness, courtesy, respect, a pleasant reserve

should mark your contacts with Christ in these chosen friends

of His. Excesses on either side of this happy middle lane will

cause Him pain and discomfort in them. Traveling this lane,

you will strike a fine midway between both those who are

sometimes more free than they should be and those others who

are so terribly self-important and who take themselves so
frightfully serious.

Titles

For Men: Brother, Father, Monsignor, Bishop, Cardinal or

Your Eminence. Some priests who have degrees like to be
called Doctor (just why we never could fathom); if this is
what they desire, humor them.

For Women: Sister, Madam, Mother, Reverend Mother.
When in doubt as to whether you should call a religious sister
or mother, always use the latter form.

Introductions

The general rule is that the man is to be presented to the

lady, the younger to the older. This rule may be followed when

you are introducing priests and religious. If you become con-

fused and present a nun to a priest, don't be too flustered, for

it can be covered by that other rule which suggests that the

lesser in dignity be presented to the greater, regardless of sex.

We'll leave it to you to figure out who is tops when it comes

to the matter of introducing an ordinary everyday priest to a

mother provincial or a sister dean.

Letter Forms

Cardinals

Address on envelopes: His Eminence— (Christian name) Card-

inal— (surname)

Salutation: Your Eminence:

Conclusion of a letter: I have the honor to be with profound

respect Your Eminence's most humble servant . . .

— 24—



Archbishops

Address on envelopes: The Most Reverend N——— N——

—

Salutation: Your Excellency:

Conclusion of a letter: I have the honor to be with profound

respect Your Excellency’s most obedient servant . . .

Bishops

Address on envelopes: The Most Reverend N——— N———
Salutation: Your Excellency:

Conclusion of letter: I have the honor to be, Your Excellency . . .

Abbots

Address on envelopes: The Right Reverend Dom N——

—

N——— (designated letters are added)
Salutation: Right Reverend Abbot:

Conclusion of a letter: I am. Right Reverend Abbot, your

devoted servant . . .

Protonotaries Apostolic, Domestic Prelates, and Vicars

Generals

Address on envelopes: The Rt. Rev. Msgr. N- — N-—— -

—

Salutation: Right Reverend Monsignor:

Conclusion of a letter: I am, Right Reverend Monsignor . . .

Papal Chamberlains

Address on envelope: Very Rev. Msgr. N>——— N—
Salutation: Very Reverend Monsignor:

Conclusion of a letter: I am. Very Reverend Monsignor , . .

Religious-Order Priests

Address on envelope: The Rev. N——— N——— (desig-
nated letters added)

Salutation: Dear Reverend Father:

Conclusion of a letter: I am, Reverend Father . . .

Secular Priests

Address on envelope: Rev. N——— N- '—
Salutation: Dear Reverend Father:

Conclusion of a letter: I am. Reverend Father . . .

— 25 —



Brothers

Address on envelope: Brother ———
Salutation: Dear Brother N———

:

Conclusion of a letter: I am, respectfully yours . . .

Sisters

Address on envelope: Sister N (designated letters added)
Salutation: Dear Sister N. —

:

Conclusion of a letter: I am, respectfully yours . . .

Points for Discussion

1. Poll the group for experiences that they have had in

which they have either disturbed others or have been disturbed

by others in church.

2. How many make a practice of recollecting themselves
before they go into church so that when they enter it they
know what they are going to do there and with whom they
are going to speak?

3. Can anyone make any suggestions which will demon-

strate how thoughtfulness of others has helped or can help the

courteous one himself to pray better?

4. Mention from your own experience other noisome faults

committed in church that can be added to those given.

5. In the light of the general rules given in No. 5 of this

section, can a set of concrete circumstances be worked out,

with the proper conduct for each circumstance?

6. Project: Two skits for the beginning of the next
meeting. One of them a monologue by one of the members
who represents the guardian angel of the parish church which
this group attends. The angel makes his observations on the

conduct of the congregation at the last Sunday Masses. The

other skit can be handled by three of the group, one of whom
gives the directions while the other two act out the way that a
person should conduct himself when he meets and converses

with a priest or a nun.

— 26—



VIIL COURTESY IN CHRIST VENTURES ABROAD

The Catholic has every reason that the non-Catholic has to

make a presentable appearance in public. In fact he has one

reason that others have not: He wants to be easy and inof-

fensive on His eyes in others; he wants to look as Christ

would look were He abroad in our city streets or country lanes

today. What is said here of he-Catholics holds even more
strictly for the ladies. They can supernaturalize their natural

tastes and drives in these directions by dressing and acting

becomingly for Him.

Before one steps out into the public ways, it is well for him

to check over carefully his appearance. The richness or

poverty of clothes means but little, save that poor clothes are

more like the clothes that He and His mother must have worn.
The following points however admit of no exception. For both

the man and the woman there must be
cleanliness of

face . . .

teeth . . .

hands and nails . . .

clothing . . .

apparel suited to the occasion . . .

neatness—nothing torn or frayed . . .

shoes shined or brushed . . .

suit or dress well pressed . . .

L Meditation

2* Motive Recall

3* Readied for the Road

Hints for Men Hints for Women

Be clean-shaven. Avoid excess in use of lip-

stick and other cosmetics,

brilliant nail polish, strong-

scented perfumes, extremes

of fashion and color com-

binations.

Let your clothes, especial-

ly your ties, be in quiet color

combinations.

Wear your suit coats, un-
less you are in the bleachers.

Let your handkerchief be

snowy white.

Keep your powder puff,

compact, andpocketbook un-

soiled, neat, and not over-

loaded.

— 27



Project: Together draw up either a set of rules governing

the clothes to be worn on different occasions — e. g., to the
office, to a breakfast, to a tea— or list those magazines in which

can easily be found suggestions on what should be worn by

men and women on such occasions.

4* Your Voice Again

Before you leave the house, make a firm, efficacious resolu-

tion to keep your voice well in control. Loud laughter, the

raucous, strident, shrill, penetrating voice are on the' excruci-

ating side for both friend and stranger alike. On the other
hand the mumbled word, the low-whispering voice can be lost

in the midst of modern traffic jams: this causes the listener the

bewilderment of not knowing what is being said and the

embarrassment of saying yes when the answer should have

been a decisive no.

5. In Public

The variety of opportunities for the practicing of courtesy

for Christ’s sake in public is well-nigh endless. Among all the
possibilities that may be offered, the following have been listed

as being worthy of special attention.

The person who is courteous in Christ in public avoids:

1 )
Running on the street. . . . Most of us are not firemen.

2) Poking along, wandering all over the sidewalk. . . . Such

a practice is good training for broken field running but most

exasperating off a football field.

3) Singing out names or nicknames across an avenue or in

a restaurant.

4) Staring at others.

5) Walking three or four abreast—save on a wide beach.

6) Yawning, coughing, sneezing at all and sundry.

7) Pushing and jostling. . . . All right, maybe you will miss

the car or the bus. In most instances there will be another car

or bus along shortly.

8) Elbow-spearing. . . . Not dangerous but annoying.

9) Backclapping. . . . It’s too breath-taking to be Christian.

— 28—



10) Quarrels The gesture of pistols
at dawn, though it

is definitely immoral, is more courteous.

1
1 )

Arguing over a check or price tag. . . . Join a
debating

society if you are given to this gaucherie.

12) Talking when on elevators We’d
like to hear what

floor we’re passing.

13) Hitching up trousers,
suspenders, or shoulder straps.

14) Blocking doorways, subway
entrances, and exits. . . .

Such a practice keeps more than one accident
ward busy.

15) Outbursts of temperament.
. . . Fussing, fuming, scowl-

ing, muttering.

16) Broadcasting of opinions to
an uninterested world.

17) Frequent fixing of tie, hair, hat.

18) Correcting others’
behavior. .. . Let Emily post him

instead.

19) Watching himself constantly in mirrors,
glasses, shop

windows. The latter reflection is very deceptive, giving
one

a much kinder reflection than is true.

Points for Discussion

1. Right here on the spur of the moment let each
person

contribute some particularly outstanding fault that he or
she

has seen committed recently in public.

2. The list given above is of things that are not to be done.

What can the group get together regarding activities and

appearances that mark the gentleman and the lady from a

positive standpoint?

3. Perhaps this one is beyond the humility of the group:
In

religious orders there is a delightful practice called
chapter.

Therein the faults of the brethren or the “sistern” are exposed

by other brethren and "sistern” to the superior and the assem-

bled community. Think something like that might be worked

out here? Oh all right then. Skip it!

4. Perhaps this practice might not be so bad: Each member

of the club has another member assigned to him or her, a

member who will in private point out little faults of courtesy

— 29—



that the other member has committed. Be sure that the pair

are very, very good friends, otherwise there is liable to be a

series of private wars.

5. Project: Between now and the next meeting have each
group member watch lynx-eyed what goes on about him in
public. Such observation may add considerably to the don’t’s
listed above.

IX. COURTESY IN CHRIST ATTENDS TO BUSINESS

1. Mental Prayer

“Cursed is he that doth the work of the Lord negligently/’

2. Motive Recall

Why Be Christianly Courteous Even at Work?

3. Further Fields

The whole field of business and industry is but another of

those that the Lord points out as white for the harvest. The

true Catholic Actionist sees his shop, store, factory, counting-

house, office, bank, garage, in fact any place where he is

working as but another bit of the “all things” that must be

restored in Christ. This outline makes no attempt to give the

techniques by which to win the workers’ world, save to offer

this: that courtesy in Christ is an opening wedge that every

Catholic can wield at least to start the process.

4. Business Attire

First of all review what was stated in discussion VIII. No. 3.

What is said there about appearance holds with special truth
in the business world. There is little difficulty, as far as the

men are concerned, in the matter of dress. The ladies how-

ever are a different matter. They should remember that —
unless they make their living as show girls—they should dress
wisely and well and in a manner befitting the part they are

playing. Frilly sheer things which are too brightly colored

and too revealing anatomically, trick hair-do’s, excess in the

use of powder, perfume, and paint do not help the efficiency

of an office staff. They are likely to win the boss’s ire. Not

infrequently they are but “come-ons” for the unwelcome

attentions of the office Casanovas. A conservative dress or
suit, crisply laundered collars and cuffs, a fresh-looking blouse,

— 30—



articles of apparel that give one the
appearance of being well

dressed without one’s screaming it
are the clothes tor the

woman who would bring Christ into her work
with her. A

wilted blouse, an ill-fitting or poorly
hanging dress, hat and

belt awry, every freak and fad in the
"new” in fashions, high-

heeled shoes, gaudily attractive colors—
all those things which

declare that whatever else she may know she is
very lacking

in good taste and the knowledge of correct
dress are unworthy

of the Catholic girl or woman who is representing
Christ.

Project: Pause here and together work out those
rules

which should govern the clothing of either
men or women in

business. Let the rules be formulated and
mimeographed and

given as a guide to each of the members.

5. Making or Breaking You?

The business world is a place where a man or a
woman may

be made or broken. With the defense-push
under way now,

work, instead of being a sphere in which
they can develop

strength, charm, Christlikeness, may make machines
out or

men and women. Some of the signs of the breaking
process

are the following:

1 )
Manifestation of impatience in the office, at

home, when

you are boarding trains, busses, streetcars.

2) Contempt for human fumbling
in general, for the old, for

the slow, for the weak, for the stupid.

3) That crisp, cross, exacting
look in your eyes even when

you are off duty.

4) Dislike or even hatred for
your job.

5) A growing pugnacious attitude.

6) Sleeplessness, worry,
anxiety, tension.

7) Self-pity.

6. Contacts for Christ

It is not only in church or at Sodality meetings
that you are

Catholics, Christ-bearers. The point of contact with the world

that you would win for Him is much more constant in
the

office, in the store, at the counter, at your desk.
Here are

some of the lines that courtesy may take if you are to bring
Him

to others and serve Him in others while you work.

— 31 —



1 ) Refuse to add your bit to the pile of office gossip.

2) Do your job. Remember that when you push some of it
off on another with, "Here, you do this; I'm so busy," you're
pushing it off on Him.

3) A cheery good morning, a pleasant smile, a helping
hand to the new boy or girl in the office can make the day
happier for Him in others. Wonderful too how such courtesy
makes the birds sing and the sun shine for you yourself!

4) Be punctual. Get to work on time, and stick out the day
to the last minute. Here you are dealing with justice and not
merely courtesy. Gab fests and bull sessions while you are
on the job may mean added purgatory for you.

5) Icy aloofness, picric personalities, and gushiness are to
be avoided. Bear with others. After all they bear with you.

6) Patience is a virtue, especially in a place of work. If you
must take it out” on someone, go in and see the boss. What?
You’d rather not? Strange, isn’t it?

7) Don’t be afraid to do more than your share of work.
Strive for the helpful attitude rather than the attitude of stand-
ing pat on your rights.

8) Be kind but dignified and very firm with the Lotharios
and the poor lonesome, misunderstood married men — if you
are girls. If you are men, then be all that that word implies,
and don’t let the girls know that you think you are God’s gift
to women.

7 Working With Him

The man and the woman who enter upon work in the right
spirit try to bring the place of their work under the spell of
Christ s charm. He and she do that when they throw them-
selves wholeheartedly into their really big job — no matter
what they may be working at— of imitating Him. The result?
He remains really manly and she womanly. They both con-
tinue to be alert, eager, unbowed by fatigue or resentment.
Because they are at one with the world s most attractive per-
sonality, they too are attractive. With Christ in them and
they in Him there is a radiance about them that no office,
machine, or boss can crack or dull.

— 32—



Points for Discussion

1. Are there any other points that you think should be

added to the above lists of things to do and not to do at work?

2. Let each one give a description of his place of work, of

the conditions there. Then let the whole group discuss what

each member can do to bring Christ more fully into his or her

place of business or work.

3. Together work out office situations that require special

handling (e. g ., the office troublemaker) and what can be done

in those situations.

X. COURTESY IN CHRIST AND PUBLIC SERVANTS

L Mental Prayer

Christ Washes His Apostles' Feet.— (Jno. xiii, 1~15)

2. Recall the Motive for Christian Courtesy

3* And Public Servants?

When Our Lord said, "As long as you did it to one of these
my least brethren, you did it to me," He put no limitation on
either the it that was done nor on the brethren. Hence every-

thing or anything we do or don’t do to anyone is done or not

done to Him.

Among the least brethren of the Lord then we find the vast

army of men and women who either by choice or by force of
circumstance serve others. In that legion we find car con-
ductors, bus drivers, trainmen, porters, messenger boys, paper

boys, bootblacks, collectors, bank clerks, beauticians, salesgirls,

manicurists, ticket sellers, waitresses and waiters, men and

women in information bureaus, receptionists, cashiers, filling-
station gas-pumpers, policemen, firemen, telephone operators,

soldiers, sailors, aviators, and marines. Men and women, they
are, from all sorts of homes and localities, of different colors

and backgrounds, reciters of various credos or of none.

Strangers, unknowns, the likeable and the disagreeable, all are

to be considered His brethren. The thought puts us in touch
with Christ at every turn. It makes us at home, amid members

of our family-in-Him, at every turn.

— 33 —



4. Treating Them Courteously

True courtesy, courtesy in Christ, is not a thing that we keep
to shower only on those who can do something for us, on the
powerful, the rich, the friendly. It is a Catholic thing that

takes in everyone. Hence it is to be given to public servants

as well as to anyone else. We don't look down on them as
inferiors. Rather we approach them as fellow human beings;
we deal with them with a friendly respect, regarding them as
veils hiding Him; when we leave them, there is gratitude in
our own hearts and a lighter feeling in theirs because of our
kindliness.

It is true that these same servants are often very lofty, some-

times very crabbed, not infrequently possessed of all the sauvity

of an Iroquois squaw or brave. Because they are ignorant and

ill-mannered is no reason for our falling into their dis-graces.

Patience can come into play, understanding being the basis on

which patience is built. How would we ourselves feel if we
were answering for the umpteen-hundredth time the same

stupid, dull, monotonous question we are putting to this person

here? Would we be all sweetness and light after we had been
on our feet for hours, rushing meals to hungry maws? A little
sprinkling of consideration for the salesgirl who has seen her

counter torn to bits for the tenth time by nonbuying customers

will make us feel sympathy for her rather than anger if she

snaps at us. It is truly amazing how readily a soft answer will

turn away the wrath of a harassed “copper" and soften the

hauteur of a “veddy, veddy" superior receptionist.

These “servants" are human beings like ourselves; hence they

can make mistakes. (Of course you don't make mistakes, but

you might make one sometime, you know.) When a correc-
tion of a mistake is necessary, it can be made in a manner at

once firm and kindly. Angry, vociferous, noisily lengthy pro-

tests in public, in private, or over a phone are not only ill-

mannered; they are utterly, unchristianly discourteous.

5 A Word to the “Servant”

Whatever foolish and un-Catholic ideas may have been bred

into society by reason of social-caste differences, the real

Catholic who holds one of these jobs of serving the public finds

his job a source of joy. It isn't merely a bit of work for him;

it is another and a special opportunity for him to work out his

vocation of serving Christ in others. It is that thought which

— 34—



should govern all his dealings with others in a business way.

His eyes are on what he can do for Him . . . not on a raise in

pay, bigger commissions, fatter tips. Usually, since he has

sought the kingdom of God first, these other things are added.

It pays to be Christianly courteous. It pays here in rich divi-

dends, the knowledge for example that even our telling a poor

old lady who is in the Loop where the Loop is, is being done

for Him. It pays hereafter, as we know from Christ's words:

“Come, ye blessed of my Father, possess you the kingdom

prepared for you from the foundation of the world.

The qualities of the King's good servant should be the

following

:

1 )
Seeing Him in others.

2 ) Cheerfulness.

3) Desiring to be helpful and obliging.

4) Being well mannered.

5 ) Possessing true humility, which in the
Christian is a

happy medium between haughtiness and servility.

6) Honesty.

7 ) Consideration.

8 ) Cleanliness and neatness.

9) Friendliness without familiarity.

Points for Discussion

L List the kinds of public servants with whom you come in

contact most frequently.

2. Classify:

a) their behavior toward you:

b) your reactions:

1 )
as they really are;

2 ) as they should be.

3. Put on a two-act skit showing a man ordering a dinner

or a woman buying a hat or a dress. In Act I have them behave

as they would or might behave before they realized the value

and beauty of the courtesy-in-Christ idea; in Act II have them

— 35 —



behave as they would behave after they realized this value

and beauty.

4. Together run through the New Testament and find in-
stances of Christ's courteous correction of others, e. g ., “Go and
sin no more." Would you say that His treatment of the
Pharisees was discourteous? Discuss the answers.

5. Read the epistle of St. Paul to Philemon. What modern
applications can be made of some of the teachings it contains?

6. Draw up a list of occasions wherein public servants need
to be especially mindful of courtesy in order not to offend Him

by a lack of it.

7. Can you add qualities other than those given above that

you think should be possessed by the Catholic public servant?

XL COURTESY IN CHRIST GOES TO A SOCIAL

1. Mental Prayer

The Wedding Feast at Cana.— (Jno. ii, 1~11)

2* Motive Recall

3 A Real Test

Some people regard suffering, sorrow, the cross as the test

of a Catholic’s real worth. That these things are a test,

perhaps the supreme test, cannot be denied. There is however

another test which is no less real: the way one behaves

Catholicly and hence courteously in Christ amid joy and

laughter and song and sociability. A cross makes us turn to
the crucified. But it is only the real Catholic who links his

joys with the joyous days and the Resurrection of Jesus of

Nazareth. Suffering brings us to the foot of the cross. Joy

unbaptized often makes us forget God. Yet St. Paul could

say “Whatsoever . . . you do, do all to the glory of God."

4* Courteous at Play

Just as there is no clearer criterion of a man’s breeding than

his manners at table, so there is no surer characteristic of the

truly courteous man than his consideration, tact, cooperative-

ness at playtime, at the theater, at a dinner, at a party, at a

dance. Play takes on a new keenness of enjoyment when we

put Christ right in the midst of it in ourselves and in others.

— 36—



There is something wrong with the Catholic who cannot be

picked out at a social function as one manifesting both the

richest enjoyment and the surest courtesy.

5 Some General Social Qualities

The Catholicly courteous person will manifest at social affairs

womanliness or manliness, good manners, sportsmanship, neat-

ness and good taste in dress, a sense of humor, the ability to

talk or listen well, naturalness, sincerity, poise, intelligence,

cooperativeness, modesty (in a woman), chivalrous respect for

women (in a man).

The slightest excess in drinking and loud, obscene, or profane

language are all equally detestable in both men and women.

The acquisition, exercise, and development of these general

fine points are necessary elements for the practice of courtesy in

Christ in social life.

6* Dining Out

The observation of the following conventions make for more

grace-full as well as more graceful dining.-

1 )
Seating: The lady sits on one side of the table, the

gentleman sits opposite her. When there is more than one
couple, the ladies sit opposite each other, and the laddies sit

beside their ladies.

2) Ordering: Remember that the pocketbook of the person

footing the bill is not the size of the Bank of England. Gentle-

men will usually order the same-priced meal that the lady

orders. It’s a social sin to order a sirloin if you have been

invited to have lunch or a snack; to order a Salisbury steak

(hamburger to you) is much more virtuous—and may save you

the inconvenience of walking home.

If you are in doubt about the content of Wally’s wallet,

shoot at something inexpensive, or ask him to order for you.

In most places you’ll find both a la carte service (each item

is priced separately) and table d’hote (the entire meal has a set

price). Generally the latter is more within the ordinary income

bracket of the man.

The lady indicates her choice to the gentleman. He in turn
writes it down or relays it to the waiter. Then he indicates his

— 37 —



own order. If there are no hes in the group (this draft business

does things like that), the hostess does the ordering.

Ordering things not on the menu is not done.

Courtesy to Christ in the waiter or waitress is the mark of

the truly Catholic gentleman and lady.

3) Some Table DonVs: Don't, please:

a. fiddle with the silverware, saltcellar, etc.;

b. write on the tablecloth;

c. either monopolize the conversation or fail to contribute

to it;

d. refuse food that is offered you (take it. try to eat it,

at least toy with it )

;

e. serve yourself from the serving dish with your own

individual silver;

f. banjo-grip your fork, pile food on the back of it, wave

it like a band leader's baton;

g. make noises like those of a suction pump;

h. leave your spoon in your cup (you have only two

eyes; neither of them can be replaced);

i. push your plate back when you are through eating;

j. lean back in your chair when you are finished.

4) Tips: Ten cents is a minimum on checks below a dollar.

Ten per cent of a check is the customary tip for all other-

occasions.

5) Leaving: The lady goes first. She remains at a little

distance while the gentleman pays the bill. She does not

“hawkeye” him while he is in the process of settling the

account.

Go away without taking souvenirs, such as decorations,
menus, silverware, swizzle sticks, etc.

( Cf . the seventh and

the tenth commandments.)

7* Dancing

This section makes no attempt to put Arthur Murray out of

business. It offers merely a few hints on polite behavior, not the

latest in trick steps.

1 ) Respect is to be shown the chaperone—where we haven't
abolished her.

— 38 —



2) Not only the last but the first and middle dances are to

be saved for the partner.

3) Dancing all evening with the same person is an indication

of bad taste, infatuation, or just sheer lack of charm.

4) She will dance with any respectable person of her

acquaintance who asks her to dance, despite his lack of good

looks or Terpsichorean ability. He will not allow the wall-

flowers to wilt.

5) She will remember to be Marylike and refuse to become

Dianaish (goddess of the hunt), neglecting her escort for

another man.

6 ) He will never allow a girl to walk across the dance floor

alone.

7 ) Leaving the dance floor or house or environs to go
riding

or to park is not only discourteous; it is plumb dangerous.

8) Noisiness, boisterousness, being the life of the party,

snootiness or lack of cooperation, becoming intoxicated, smok-

ing and dancing at the same time are all in the worst of

form, and that's understatement.

9) She suggests the homeward-wending (to the one who

brought her). He will know that she is perfectly capable of

getting into the house without first being kissed.

8* Teas and Receptions

This section might well be headed “For Ladies Only." The

men ordinarily give to teas, musicales, receptions the same

cordiality that they bestow on poison or sin. Be it a “high" tea

or a “low" one, the men ask to be held excused. But the ladies

seem to enjoy them. So for the ladies here are a few tips for

teatime. (It is only that courtesy in Christ may prevail even

at such times as these that a priest can be excused for the

writing of such matters.)

1) The Simple Tea.

a. Time: From four to six o'clock in the afternoon, either

any day or on stated days of the week.

b. Setup: One or several small serving tables. The

hostess and one or two friends serve dainty sandwiches,

— 39



cakes, bonbons, salted nuts, sometimes ices . . . and of course

tea (“unspiked”) flanked by cube sugar and tongs, a pitcher

of cream, slices of lemon.

c. Action: The hostess pours the tea, adds whatever her

guest desires, and passes her the cup. When all are served,
they fall to with right good will—but daintily . . . daintily

. . . not lustily, we beseech you.

2) High Teas and Receptions.

a. Invitations are to be sent out from two weeks to ten

days before the event. If you are invited and unable to

attend, a note of explanation from you is in order. If you do

intend to be present, no such note is necessary.

b. The hostess stands near the entrance to the receiving

room or tearoom.

c. After removing their outer wraps, the guests present

themselves to the hostess at once. The lady or older person

precedes the gentleman or younger person down the firing-

pardon!—receiving line. Each guest, if the name is not

announced, gives his name to the first one in the receiving

line—if the party is large.

d. The guests can form their own groups. Friends help

with the serving of refreshments. One may however help

oneself to sandwiches and food on the tea table—but once

again, daintily.

e. The hostess takes her place again— at the affair’s end

—so that departing guests may bid her good-bye. If the tea
or reception is large, such leave-taking is not obligatory.

f. If you can’t arrive at least twenty minutes before the

tea’s or reception’s end, don’t come at all: send a calling

card, if you can’t attend the event, so that it will arrive as

close to the receiving time as possible.

Points for Discussion

1. Seek out in the New Testament instances of social activi-
ties in which Christ Our Lord joined. Try to visualize how

He acted in each of them.

2. What do you think of the validity of the joy-test for
Catholicism?

— 40—



3. Which of the general social qualities do you consider

most important? Why?

4. Have the group both now and at some later meeting go

through mock dinners, dances, teas, and receptions. We know
of no better way to be prepared against the time when one of

them will sneak up on you.

XIL COURTESY IN CHRIST SPEAKS OUT
IN MEETING

L Mental Prayer

The Last Supper.

2. Recall the Motive of Courtesy in Christ

3* In a Crowd

It is truly amazing what the being in a group will do to

individuals. The courteous, kindly, mild-mannered man be-

comes often enough discourteous, harsh, boorish when thrown

in with a group of his fellows. Individual and mob psychology

are two disparate studies.

Because of this fact the one who is striving to practice true

Christlike charity must be especially on his guard when he goes

to a meeting of any kind. There is the possibility there of his

showing courtesy not only to one or a few member-cells of

Christ's Mystical Body but to many of them. There is also

the chance of a greater extension of discourtesy. The following

suggestions will help both those leading the meeting and those

attending it to conduct themselves in a way which will make
them most courteous to Him.

4* Helps for Those Running the Meeting

As a starter the pursuit of a course or the reading of a book

which deals with the reactions of men in the mass would be

extremely helpful. It would save the leader from many heart-

aches. It would enable him to avoid the inflicting of many
headaches on others. So for the actual meeting itself . . .

1 )
It should start promptly, at the time stated. Even if you

are the only one there, get the meeting going.

2) The events that are to take place, the speakers and their
speeches, the amount of time to be given to discussion, voting,

— 41 —



intermission-^all should have been carefully planned. There is

no reason why Catholic meetings cannot be conducted for
Christ with the same precision that worldings give to the con-

ducting of broadcasting stations. An unplanned meeting is a
direct insult to those attending the meeting.

3) Here above all clarity of speech mirroring clarity of

thought is important. If courtesy means to put a person com-

pletely at his ease, what can murder it more effectively than

slipshod thinking and unintelligible mumbling? Ear-strain is a

terrific pull on one’s patience.

4) Projects and speakers should be introduced into the

meeting, not according to the leaders’ likes and dislikes, but

according to the needs of those attending the meeting.

5) Where the meeting involves discussion, parliamentary
procedure carried out with politeness is in order.

6 ) Gauge the length and close of the meeting so that people

attending it will not go home exhausted or too late.

And all this, remember, is being done for Him and to Him.

5 Pointers for Those Attending

Thoughtfulness of Christ in the other fellow is the watch-

word of those who attend meetings. In particular . . .

1 )
Get to the meeting early enough so that you are in your

place when the meeting begins. It disturbs everyone to have

the late legion come galloping up the aisle in the middle of

the first speech.

2) Pay courteous attention to what is going on. If you are

so tired that you must sleep, you shouldn’t have come. If you

are bored, become an actor and make believe you are not bored.

3 ) There are several very effective ways to make yourself

obnoxious to everyone near you. You might start by kicking

from time to time the chair of the person in front of you. To

chew gum audibly also helps distract your neighbors. Shifting

continually in your seat is a third delightful dodge. That which

endears you most both to those on the platform and those

about you is to keep up a running fire of half-witish remarks

about the things which are being said or done. Conversation

in an annoying undertone with some crony who is as boorish

as yourself ranks with the practice just mentioned.

— 42 —



4)

If opinions, ideas, nominations,
or whatnot are called for

before you stand up and give your ideas,
check yourself

to see . . •

a. Whether or not you are sure of the point
at issue.

b. Whether or not your idea has already
been advanced

by another.

c. Whether or not you really have an idea
and whether

or not it is clear in your own mind. Is it
really something

worth while? (Oh we know you think so. But
would the

normal person feel the same way about it?

)

When you stand up . . .

d. ’Speak loud enough for all to hear you.

e. Say what you have to say as clearly
and as briefly as

you can. (You are not the main speaker of
the evening.)

Then sit down. To waste one's own time is sinful;
to waste

the time of a crowd borders on sacrilege.

5) When votes are called for, use your
ballot to promote

that side of the question which you truly
think would be

profitable for the whole group—not just for yourself or tor

your clique.

6) Don’t be one of these
people who either laugh at every-

one else who stands up to talk (they remain
silent at other

times
)

or who say nothing at the meeting and then become

voluble about it when it is all over: Why didn t they do this

that ... the other?” There is only one answer
for such

questions: “Why didn’t you?”

A meeting conducted and attended by people who are a
*"

tempting successfully to be courteous in
Christ bears out these

words of Our Lord: “Where there are two or three
gathered

together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Points for Discussion

1. Let each member give from his own experience
some

instance of something he has done in and with and
because

of a crowd, something that he would never have done
alone.

2. How does a meeting widen your opportunities to be

good to Christ in others?

3. Together go over some meetings that you have
attended.

Check them according to the pointers given in section 4.
Where

did those meetings fail? Where did they succeed?

.
— 43 —



4. Can you add other details which you think necessary for
more courtesy on the part of those conducting the meeting?

5 . Together work out composite candid shots of the various
types of people who attend meetings and their typical behaviors.
Keep your eyes open for such in the future. Resolve to copy
the admirable and to rid yourself of faults that might put you
into this rogues' gallery.

POSTLOGUE

The following are cited by Sister Mary of St. Remi, B. V. M.,
of Mundelein College in her course on “Charm and Personality”
as opportunities for the practice of courtesy.

1. Do not talk when someone else is talking.

2. Be pleasant and kind even though others are rude.

3. Pull out mother's chair for her when she comes to sit
down at table.

4. Do not obstruct the view of others unnecessarily at
entertainments.

5. Do not tell the story ahead of the picture at a movie.

6. When on a streetcar, give your place to an elderly lady,
man, or a mother with her child if the car is crowded.

7. Do not visit or laugh when you are in the library or
attending a concert or a lecture (or a sermon).

8. Show special consideration out of love for Him to
weaker and less popular people, foreigners, visitors, strangers,
the helpless, and the infirm.

9. Be on time for appointments, for school, for meetings
with friends.

10. Ask rather than demand.

11. Help others to get acquainted.

12. Do not make unkind remarks even though they are true.

13. Be a gracious winner and a good loser.

14. Rise when an older person enters the room.

15. Talk about things of interest to the person with whom
you are conversing; and if others are present, be sure that they
can take part in the conversation.

Remember through all of this that “You did it to me
”



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