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Maps, plates, charts, etc.. may be filmed at different reduction ratios. Those too large to be entirely included in one exposure are filmed beginning in the upper left hand corner, left to right and top to bottom, as many frames as required. The following diagrams illustrate the method: Les cartes, planches, tableaux, etc., peuvent dtre film^s A des taux de reduction diff^rents. Lorsque le document est trop grand pour dtre reproduit en un seul cliche, il est film* 6 partir de Tangle supdrie ir gauche, de gauche A droite, et de haut en bas, en prenant le nombre d"images n^cessaire. Les diagrammes suivants illustrent la m^thode. 1 2 3 1 2 3 4 5 6 t • ^ H. M. SL — (ti;.— THE LADY WHO LOVED A GOVERNMENT CLERK. -:-.<^H^i;^.^- I'lTIZKN PRINIlNc; AND Pl'HT.lSHINU CoMl'ANY, OTTAWA, 1880. ReghU'rfd under th( Copyright Act of 1S75, PREFACE. ^ .r\^\j\^ r-^r j^^j^r^A:^ • THK :uiai>tpr of this piece of extravagauce Legs to (Us.;laiin ant political }>ioclivitie8. Ife lias attemj)te«l, lie liopes not unsu.-- oMsfullv, to jjet a little liiinnless fun out of political peculiarities and weaknesses, ineHp(«tive of partv—iu fact, lie has emlfavomed to act an uuich a« poshibU; alter the i)attein of the Irishman at Donnyhrook Fair, and wherever he has seen an available head liius tried t<> give il a jrowl-h union red tap, not out of any animosity, but simply for the fun of the thing. If any head should appear to come in for more than its fair Mhaie of taps, it must be attributed solely to the particular i)rominenco of the s;ii, ,, n.MH vK \ Ml^Jntl1l•()l)u Member. .. ,, \ Statistical NU-inher. I (iM l»l AC K . . \ !'(>cti(al Member. I^KV HlKK . . ,^ , ^ IIk ( "aptain s Haughter NhriliirKK.us..rurvevor of r..treslumnt> to 11. M.S. •' Parliament ' A Monoiiolist. Ilu- Thief I'inaniier-s little ring (,f .ScnaKns an-l Mcmbcr>. Members, Clerks, etc. by a full Chorus. ScKNK First Ad .V Chamber in the House -.f ( '..mmons. Second .\et -The terrace in front of the Parliament buildings by moonliglU. m ACT 1. S,ENF —A cliauilMr ()»■ Connnittee llooin iu the Hoiiso of Coin- iHons. Members discveiod .yrin.Uui; axes ; others turning grindstones. On some of the axes are painted in vge letters, " Section A, " ^jinfjer hrn; apples., etc.) A HI A. Im called Mrs. lUitterbun, denr Mrs. Butterbnn, 'Tho T could never tell why, For T sell my refreshments at very low prices, So I'm c/iee only ten. liiitt. — Ah ! I>ut Mr. lilack, you forgot the N. P.— everything hat gone up. Tom lilark. - Now, MrH. Butterbnn, alh)w nie to inform you tliat fha additional dutieH imposed by the N. P. on the iiii])orted articlea which enter into the componitiou of your gijiger heer, amount exactly to one and one-thirty-iuicond of a mill on each liottle, and, couHequently, you art? not juHtified in increasing your pi ice fifty per cent. I showed this clearly in my last leading article. Hntt. — Can't help that, Mr. Black. I've got a monopoly like some of the big manufacturers, so, if you don't like to pay fitteen cents, you'll have to go without. Tom Black (aside). — Oh 1 confound the N.P. if thi.s is going,to l)e the game — its all very well in theory, but [ don't see the fun of paying fifteen cents instwid of t«'n for my ginger beer — they'll have to increase 'ur sessional allowance at this rate. Jien //»/»-.- -What about apples, to-day, Mrs. Ibittrrbun f An -xpide sweet, [ think 'tis meet That 1 should eat. That's |)oetry, Mis. {^. Vou ought to give me one for nothing for suclt an exquisite stanzti. lintt. — Certainly. Mr. Burr ; here is one. linrr. — But tliis is rotten, Mrs. liutteibun. liutt. — So is youi- ])oetry, Mr. Burr, so that's all right. Jiiirr. — Are you awaie, ju'ofane woman, that I am the Poet of Canada f that the roar of the mighty cataract, beside which 1 liave been nurtured, finds an echo in my verses / Do yovi not know that [ am to )>e apjtointed the Poet Laureate of the Dominion '. Jintt. — Very likely, Mr. Burr ; they've been making a many queer appointments lately, but if you want the apples you had better take them ; they are two for ten cents. Hnrr. — Two \ Why, they used to be three lUitt. — Dear me, gentlemen, J 'm suri)rised at you. Vou seem to forget all about the N.l'. Why, what wa.s it for If not to put up the price of everytliing ] Burr. — Oh ! this is too much. (Aside.) T begin to think the N.P. is a sell, only 1 don't like to say .so. (Unter Alexander MacDmdeye.) MftcDendeye. — I hare thought it often— the N.P. is a sell. — (All recoil from him, with expressions of hoii'or.) t 1 liutt. — Why, whiit'8 tlic tiiuttor with the man ( Ife looki m inerHble. Torn liluck. — Don't take any nntico of him, it's only poor Alec MacDeadoye — he's mthei* cantankerou.s Ke nsnd to he commander of this ship, l)ut now he's degrtwled, and he'8 only an ordinary chap like the rest of us, and it preys upm him. MacD. -Preys u}K)n liini ' nao df)ot it does. TIow would von Hkp it yoursel, after lx»ing captain of the ship to step ilown and Ite joost » common member ot the crew < l^om Black. — Well, Alec, you ought to have hocn more civil when Tou xo*re skipper, and tlien, |)erhaps, you'd have bjen in command now. J/of/>.- -Ah I that's it I — Joost because I would na condescend to huml)ug ye, ye turn me oot ! Weel, we»rtiuciit. Mnrl)en<'ilitickal iiilluonrc. iioo, there luijjht l.p a I'hanee for ye ; hut, the raj.taicis i f such eraft as ours doii'i K'v** oiiything away iinlesa they «et souu- voUk for it. i4// (recoiling). -Shiinie ' Hhanic ' Sum. It's straii>j<' that the dauyht^-r of a ni;ui who eoniinan(l5 .H M.S. *' rarliauient" may not h)ve auotlu who i.s in the .same sei- vicp,althou}:;h in a huuihle eaiwity. For man in this groat au.l glorious country may ris»- to any position - (/ /<«'.'< ouli/ f vlinnk raouijh. Mht/^.- Ah ; mon, cheik's a grand tiung If I'd had mair clieck [ might ha^e Iwen Captain still. Tom lilack.- MacDem'.eye, I «lon't want folic hard on a man who has .seen hcttcr davH ; hut such a scntinunt as that is enough to mak« an honest politician shiulder. Jien Jiurr.- Wwtwv. WW gall.inc Captain approa Honie loaves and fislu's Arc served out to the nud<'t»nt«'nt. f Ml mil tltflr liamU rcjoiriny.) ('apt. The position which 1 till Al)use I Me\t r will Whatever the enjer^cnf»'»'. Corruption is a thiu<^ 1 detest like anythinj; — And it never has been «'harg<»d to me. j//__\Vhat! never { Capt. (contid<'ntlv). — No ; n«ivr. .4 //.-"What: NKVKU f C(i)»t. — Well, viri/ .•«hloin. Xll. — Very seldom Iihs been charjijed to he, Then give three cheers to sliow oui- sentiment For the moral Captain of the " Parliament.' (Ej'nmit all hut Ccpl'tin.) Hk< IT. (Kilter Hutterlmn.) hatt. — Sir, you seem anxious ; the sad ex[)ression of your engaging countenance denotes a more tlian common .sorrow. Here, take a doughnut. C'rt/)<. -Thanks, Mrs. liutterl.un. Vcs, I am anxious. The fact is that our j)arty has of late shown signs of weakness — they've such large appetites, the jiuldic manger scarcely can contain sutlicient fodder to sujiply them nil ; added to thi;?, our great Financier, the party's hack bone,*has lately seemed inclini^d to put his l>ack up ; and so to hind more closely to my cause, 1 liad agreed to wed hiiu to my daughter . hut sad to say, she doesn't seem to haukej- after him. Butt. '\\\ '. poor Sir Samuel ; t-iit no r Ta. UiH see, here comes your daughter. 1 go. Farewell: ' (KjiL) C(7>^ (looking aft 'I hcii— Her doughiuits -ire i (I should say the bosom) of everyone for the gi'eat inventor of the N. P. ; bui, alas ! my heart is given to an- other. Capt. — Given ? horror I Not to one of the Opposition? Angel. — No, )>apa , do not think so meanly of your daughter ; but, oh ! })ity me ! for he is but a humble clerk in this very house. Gapt. — Great Caesar ! a common clerk. Angel, (spiritedly^. — Not a common clerk, i)apa ; there are Ht> common clerks in Government employ. Capt. — True, my child ; but still — yet, stay, (eagerly) has he any political influence ? Angfil. —Alas ' no, paj^a. If he had, he would have been a Deputy Head, at least, by this tinte. Capt. — True. Angel. — 13ut I assu'-e you. dear Papa, he is juost accomplished — he ^noves in the very best circles — he danc(.'S diviutly, and he sings comic songs in a way that would bring teais to your eyes. (Hese»'ohingly.) Oh ! Papa, with your interest, who kn-nvs what he might rise to? Capt. — No doubt a young man who can sing comic sorigs in the way you dascribe would rte very useful to the party. But come, my child ; you know how iniportant it is that I should consolidate our interests hy attaching Sir Saunu'l lirnilv to us, and surely you woiild not let a mere sentimental objectiou staid in the way of so noble an object. ^^^T^'p^PTTr^oRnp^rawK:- 11 Aiujei — Oh ! 1 have thor.glit of tins :— but tear not, Pajta; i know well hew important it '\h for the interests of the (ronntry that we should re/main in power, and though my heart HhouM bicak, 1 will never hetmy my love. Besides, he has only ^400 a year ! Capt. — My noble-miMded daughter! — but see, jjeie comes Sii Samuel surrounded by the admiring ring of Ministers and Senators, who Attend him in fiis journeys throughout the country in search of tlie great Boom. Aiigel (looking off). — But, dear Pajju, the Seuatoi-s are all dressed like elderly ladies ! — why is this ? Capt. — That, my dear, is to enable the audience to recognize thorn. But retire, my chilil, and take with you tliis last speech of Sir Sanuiel's on the sugar question, so that you may be able to compliment him on his latest elo(juent utterance. Antjel. — My dear unsophisticated Pa I (Exit Angelina.) (Eater Sir Samuel, MiriMtevti, Memhers, Snifter, Mac Deadeyca n\\t if wages don't rise too, I fear J shall look (piite K'lue, And seek the setliisioii wlneh private life will bring. M!iilii(e):'i.--\nCi so wdl the >!iuisters wh.j form his little ring. S<»N(i. — Sir iSamiiet. When T was a lad, in the year '3J, T was eiiiU'd hoy in a drngirist's store ; I washr-d out the Lotties and 1 rolled the pills, And 1 ilnnned the patients for their little hills. I washed ont tlu; l»ottles so oarefulA.^ That now 1 am a Minister and K.M.Ci. Chornii. — He wasJied out the hottlo.s, etc. As errand hoy I n)!ide snch a mark That they gave me the post of dispensing olerk ; I mixed up medicines and pills so l)luc, And ])asted tlie lahels on the Lotties too. I pasted on the lahels so ♦•areful/f'^, That now I am ii Minister and K.M.G. ChoriM. — He pasted on tin; labels, etc. As disi>ensing clerk 1 made such a name That a partner in the firnj J soon be<'ame : 1 jtresi-rilied for my customers' little ills, And totted up the totals of their yearly bills. I totted up the totals in a way so free, That now 1 am a Minister ami K.M.d. CZ/ornx. — He totted up the totals, etc. At totting uj) totals I made «;uch a pile, That I thought into politics I'd go for ii while ; I talked about figures so very glib/e you treat your crew kindly. Ca]>t. MacA. — give them jdenty of nice little sinecures, and all thai s«»rt of tiling, eh I C(ipt.— V hope ho, Sir Samuel. Sir Savil. — Never forj^et liow much you owe them, Captain MacA., and that they or their friends iiatuvHlly expect to have the preference in anv little matter of contracts, or uivthinir of that sort. Thev never eom|)lain now, eh i i'ajyt. — Never, Sir Samurl. Sir Sa7)tl. — What '. never ! Capt. — Hardly evev. Sir Samuel. Sir Sam/, (looking' lound) — Desire that rennirkaldy tine looking younsk; clerk to step forward. Capf. — Mr. Snifter, Sir Samuel desires to speak to vow. (Sam Snifti^- fi(*jn< fonriu\i / Sir SfiiiiL — Vou are a veiv !i;indscme vounjr nian, ^Ir. Snifter. .SV/n?.-- Ves, Sir Samuel •Nj'r (S'awA— I hop»> vou woik verv hard for the (Jovernment I Sam. — Vej'v hard, Sir Samuel. Sir .Sam/.-— What depattment ai'(» you in ? Sa?n. — The Sealinj; WaN Department. Sii- Sjnuuei. Sir iiaml. — I should like you to e.xplain tome m detail your duties. Sam. — Well, >ir Samuel, I comv every morning pun* tnally at half past nine anil sign the hook. Sir Saml. — \riy u;ood. .\nd tlie)i what do nou do? Sunt. — Then I take a rest, Sir Samuel. >'jV 6'a7w/.— C^nite right — < Jovernment otJioials .sliotild always he citreful not to overwork themselves ; the strain of official duties on the mind is very wearing. What next / iS'am.- Then I i-ead the i)apers, Sir Samuel. 14 Sir .S'am/.— Very proper : (ioverntuent ofticials should always keop Iheinselves acqviHiuted with *he evinits of the day ;— but I trust you Tiever read the Oppcisition jo»irn:ds ] /Sa?/t.--iV«r.''r, Sir Haiiiuel. Sir S'amf.--\yUiitl (stops suddenly) 1 meKU — C^uitt' right.. I prf^ sume you roa«l my budget speeches ? Sam. — Ovcr and ovei- again, Sir Samuel — (aside) over the left. Sir Savil. This is a i inarkably intelligent clerk, Capt. Mar A. ; 1 trust you will keep your e\i> on him. — What do you do next? Savt. (hositJitingly — Then I smoke a pi}>e, Sir Samuel. Sir Saml. (doubttully) -Smoke a pijje 1 — I don't know abovit that Se, i-Sir Samuel. .S/r*S'n////. (anxiously) — 1 hope this huulable devotion to the further- ance of our National I'olicy has )>o bad ert'eet on your constitution ( Sam. — I do ft'fl ratlier seedy sometimes, Sir Samuel, but the knowledge that I am doing my duty to my coimtry supports me. Sir Saml. — Patriotic voutig man ! such sell .sacritice will undoubt- •ef my determination '< ^//._.\Ve do : we do \ Mad). — [ dotit.' Why its awfu' ' — here's a mlserai)le thir«l-cla.ss clerk talking al>out contracts and patents and getting a seat in the Hoose. 1 ken weel he wouldna have talkeil so when I commanded the ship. 7\nii lUach -What t.v to be done with tlii^ Ix^peless clm)» / To think of liis ninuiu^' down tlio olHcnrs of t!r • ciMft in tliiis way. Su|»- |»o8e, Mr. Snifter, we sin:,' liini tlmt song yon <-i)ni|M»s»'^l in honor of the Hei-vicc ; I'Crhaps it will bring iho poor crfatnrc to a i)ro|tt'r frame oi mind. Vrl.Kl..-~Sii}n Sulf'it'/', 'J'oiii liliick (iiil L'liuriiH. A (lOVtM-ninent clerk is a soarin*; soul. And onirht to he his (•(mntrv s l>ri(U* ; Ho will always he gcntf-el, tho' penhanct' lu' want a meal, And ^erv manv thini-'s heside. Mis nionstaclic should l>e waved, ami his hair should curl ; lie should lift his hat to every girl ; lli.s hoson) shor.ld heave and his hreast |»rotrade, And this should he his customary attitude. Chorus.- in.> moustaehe should Ite waved, etc. The " Hoston "' he should dance with an inhorn graee^ He should skate, toltoj^i^an, and ride ; He never should he met beyond the pro[)er .set, Nor fanuliar be with folks oiilsiile. He should wear kid -rloves. and a cane should twirl, He should break the heart of evei'v girl ; His nos" should curl, and his lip protrude. And this shouKl Ite his customary at.titvide. C/titrKs. ~ He .should wear kid gloves, etc. ( AU fyontt o;ire))t Cfn-k, loho roiinins le.anlii..— Of wliat avail is arnica for a woir)«led lieart f (Aside.) 1 will mak«i the iilunire. Ansieliv.a, voiir love is the only arnica that cf.n cure mv wounds. Atitjd. (indignantly). — Sir ; you forget to wlionj you are speaking. {Asi(U\) Oh! my poor heart. Sam. — No, lady ; I know tO(» well you are my chieftain's daugh-' ter, and I only a humble clerk ; b\it 1 have expectations— -my cork- 8l Angdhw. Aiiijel. Uefiain, audacious ^-onth, You're too assuming, And on my condescension Ai'e presuming. Vou aro a humble clerk Who .seals the letters, And I the \ery best Of all your betters. (Aside.) If cruel fate, my love J J id not look cross on, We'd glide through life in one Delicious "Boston." Sam. — Proud lady, cease , refrain My hopes to crumble ; 1 know that, like " Uriah Heep." I'm 'umble ; 18 But still, like him, I love My master'* dwughi'^r, AUliougli I'm <}uite awsuo 1 lUUii't ougheer. (Exit Angelina.) (Asule.) I»e8pite the haughty way The lady snubs me, I liavo a strong sr.Mpicion That she loves me: r;i put it to the test— (railing oil) My friends, my friends, Come here, come here ! (Euirr Members, Clerkx, MaelJeiuleije, tto.) All Ay, ay, my lad. What cheer ]- what cheer f Now tell us, pray Don't stop, don't stop ! What did she say ? Did you pop ? — did you pop I Ham. — The maiden made an awful fuss. And down my fondest liopes did lumhle ; She said I was a cheeky cuss, And that I'm veiy much too 'umble. ^//, — The stuck-up thing ! MacD. — She spurns your suit — it's j)roper fpiite ; It sairvc' you right — it saii-ves you right. *Su>»,. (tiiking a large iuk-l)ottle from the desk) — My frientls, my friends, my heart is breaking. With poison now my life I'm taking ! When I am gone, oh ! prithee say He died in the genteelest way. AIL (turning away weeping). — With poison now his life he's taking, For oh ! his faithful heart is breaking. When he is gone we'll surely say. He died in the genteelest way. ^Sim. (uncorks the bottle). — Be warned mv comrades all. Who love ill rank above you, For Angeline I fall. (lifts bottle to liis moutk) 19 Arifffif. (rusliing in) - Ah ! stay your lmn, by cheek lie wins, you sw, The lady for his biide. He will wear kid gloves, and a cane will twirl, His raouHtache will l>o waxed, and his hair will curl, His back will ourve, and hia chest protrude, And will bo his customary aUitude. (Kmbracing the lady.) (Cnrtinn.) ACT II. ScKNt:.— Ternice outside the Parliament Buildings— moonlight, ('apt, MacA. discovered gazing at the moon, with hurdy-gurdy (prac- ticable handle) slung round his nock. He advances to the footlights and addresses the audience. (Juj)t. — Ladies and gcMitlemon, according to receiv«>d tradition, I ought to sing this song to the accompanin\ent of a " guitar " or '• Laandolin," or some s»u;h romantic instrument, but, tmtortunately, my musical education has been somewhat neglected, and 1 prefer this sort of thing ; (turns handle) you see it reminds me of my oM politic il exercises. SoNcs.— L'ftjdain. Fair moon, 1 don't intend To call thee " Ifeaven's bright regent," Though that would be, I know, Strictly according to ])rccedent. T merely wished to say Things are in awfui muddle, And that I quite foresee Ahead, a j)recious ]>eck of trouble. For now Sir iSamuel snlks, because His flame of love my daughter quenches. And threatens straightway to «lesert Unto the Opposition benches. And so, fair moon, I sing. These little facts to mention, A nd let my audience know This WHS my sole intention. (Kuler Mrs. Butterlwv.) ■ Butt. (ii*itlt) — All ' luTC is* llio cjiptiiiu. II.' Hecius in a Msuli mental u o<. -Mrs. l^itterlmii ! uiul out of the Ilouho at this time ? This '\H not ^i^ll^, my ^ood lady ; Sir Suuuiol is now on his le^s, uii than promise, when J have at least a dozen applicants for every post likely to Iw- vacant, (AHide.; And r have promised them all. Bait, (chujige of jnannei ) Ah ! I nnderstjind. Yon think yonr promises to the poor apple woman may I'o broken with impunity, hut howare ! \ J have intlnenee ' Many jM embers owe me for refresh- ments ! (Pulls out memorandujn hook, and jioints to it roelodra- maticallv) I can hrin;; pressure to beai- <>u them — there is fUvngei ahead 1 Capt. - Danger ) llntt. — Ay, danger ' Wo |>repiire(I. Dl'KT. < />]e. Yes, I know That is so. { UkU Jhitt., trafiically. /' ■ 13 Capt. r bpRiii'to ft'iu' tlir* oM latly may I* her that- f)r Htay ; a thought •trikes nie ; I will offer her thi^ Ins|»e(;t()r.shi|> of the C<»teau Itridgo, as noon UH we hav»' tieciiletl to hiiihl it ; that will give ine plenty (»f time to look uhont me. Alas! dangers rnidti|»ly in every direction. ( Enter Sir fiamuel.) Sir Su'id. -('ajttaiji INlueA.. I am greatly over to tlio other side. Capt.-- A an> .sorry to hear that, Sir Samnel, *S'jV Sauil.- The faet is, that although I have paid great attention to the youii^' l^dy, and havr read to her several of tny 'iiest 8p(M>che«, ulie doe.s nf>t seeuj niueh impi'oshed — sh«< actua''y went to sh'ep in th« middle of them ; but this is noi all — worse rtMuain.s hehind I ! Capt.~- a ood heavens ! Sir Sanniel yoti alarm lue. Sir Satnl. — Sh»' ahu med ?>/,c. Why, after I had explained to ht^r Hi great length, and with my usual perspieuity, tho exa.t working of the N.P., slie uetMully said, "Oh, hother the N.P. '" IJothkr tiik N.P. ! ! Surely, Captain Mae.A., slic lias never lieard you k; eak disres pectfullv of my N.l*. J Capt. ~\ am overwhelmt-d with ania/enu-nt. ^'ir Samuel, f cannot conceive the possibility of any sane person saying •* hother the N.P." (aside) though, possihly, tie N.P. may hother them. Sir Sunif. — How, the*, do you tiecounr, for this extraordinary eon- dtict i Capt. — I can hardly .say, Sir Sanmel. She i.s a very modest girl, and it may he that vo'Ji' mas.sive intelh'ct daunts her. Sir San if.— That is very prohahle ; hut what would you suggest ? Capt.— W(dl, Sir Saniucl. if you would kindly descend somewiiat U> hor mental level, ami talk to her of more trivial matters, — the little gos.sip of SiH'iety, the latest marriage in high life, the (Jlengarry caps that 3'oung ladies wear now, or .something of that sort, — or if you would condescend just to try a few .steps of tin; "' l>oston " with her <»ccasionally, — .she uld then see tliat you wen^ mortal like hi r.self, and, 1 am .sure, wo,. id yield at discretion. Sir Saml. — It {)t a great condescension, still 1 will adopt your suggestion. And, sre, she is hero — let us withdraw and watch our opportunity. '' Ii< fim up stajje. ) (Enter Angelina. } Anjf.l. (i( nfidentia''y to aud'en -e) — Tl ii is a scma. and I otight, ■•■■ 2t by rights, to .sing it ; but leally, yon know, some of the notes are ■• awfully high that 1 knom T shouUl m/aeifl, so I think I had hotter express my feelings in a solihxjuy. ( ^trik'\s an attltiLilr a it " llainUl." ) To elo|»e, or not to elope : that is the question. Whether 'tis wiser to endure 8ir Sanniel, And put up with his slow and ]>rosy ways, Or to holt oil this evening with n»y Snifter, And, marrying him, to end it 1 To elope ! To marry 1 And, marrying hiiu, to have a |)artner Always on haml to dance tlie •' Boston" with me : 'Twere a consummation dovoutiv to be wishetl. To elope, to matry, to marry, ay ; there's the rub. For, if we marry, what have we to live on, I'^nless papa relents, and raises Snifter's salary ? There's the lespect that so long makes the maid Knduie a single life ; for who would tread The long and dreary road of spinsterhocul. i3iit for the dread that matrimony biings Of d"bts and duns, and babies without »Mid. 'T'u .ed di-e.s.ses, and empty pockets, lint, .^oft — here comes Sir Samuel. Sir Sanil. — Madam, it has been represented to me that you are ap- ]>alled by my massive intellect. Anyel. — Well, Sir Samuel, you urt rather hca/iy tSir Sand.-— ileixxy I I don't quite anderstanil ! AufjeL- -I mean your intellect. Sir S.unuel. Sir JSaniL — (Mi ! yes, 1 see. (Aside.) Of course, she means ints j${ve ; the poor girl does not understand these niceties of ex[>ression. Angel, (aside) — Don't she, though] Sir SaniL —\f this is the case I ilesin; to express to you, r?/(oHicial- ly. my Avillingnes.s to descend occasionally to your mental level. Angel.- — You are exceeditjgly condescending, Sir vSamuel. Sir Sanil. — Of course, it must be distinctly understood that these descents are to be confined strictly to the ])rivacy of our domestic circle ; in public, if you are unable to gnisp the fidl meaning of any remarks, as is most pi-obuble, you must listen attentively, and when wi^ are alouw tog' thcr 1 will ex{)lain them to you. Angtl. (enthusiastically) -This is, indeed, an entrancing prospect you hold out to me. (Innocently.) ihit does ainjintr ('v<'i- fully grasp the fidl lorco of your reniarks, Sir Samuel ( Sir Saml. -Wn-y few, indted I Angel. — So 1 should think, Sir Samuel. i 25 Sir iSamf. (aaiile) — There is a ^ood deal of sound common sense ia thi« younfi; lady, even if she is not very brilliant. (Aloud.) I am given to understand that you are particuliirly j>artial to a dance which they call the " Baltimore," or the "Philadelpiua," or some such name f Angel. — Oh ! yovi mean the " Boston" ! Oh yes, T dote npon it. Sir SamL — In that case, if you are ((uitc sure there is no ou« looking, I shall have no objection to descend to a little " Boston." Angel. — But crm you dance, t^ir Samuel 'I Sir Sand. — The nuw who could invent tlie N.P. is mpahlf of anyiKing. Angel. — But, Sir Samuel, you dcui't dance with yoni- IntcUect, yon <)i>nce with your leg$. Sir Saml. — It is the same thin*;. Angel, (aside, looking at his lej^s) — At any rate, his legs are m4 (vary, are or are not, according to legs) very massivi,'. whatever his intellect may bo — however, we can but try. (Aloud.) Come, Sir Samuel, I am i-eady. ( Daiicf. tim '' Jioxton '" ii-dicrousiii hndly.) Angel, (aside) — He little thinks how he has contirmed mj wavering resolution — to think of going tiirough life with a man who can't dance better than that ' (Aloud.) Sir Samuel, T illd hesitat*^, Init r will hesitate no longer. (Captain haa f.ntertid (Ik ring ilda speech — he comes down.) Tkio. Citpt. — Never mind the why and wherefore, Angtdina consents, and then^fore. Though Sir Samuel's fond of prosinu'. And his N. P. is a bore. Though he sets the house a-tlozing Whene'er ho liolds the flooi . Ijiith. — Set the meri-y bells a-rirging, ll(nid the air witli Wiirbling wild. For the union i)f Sir Saiiuu'l With tilt chieftain's lovely child. Capt. -- For a (.Iiieftaiu's duteous daughter ; Angel. — For a chieftain's sinijde daughter ; Sir Saml. — For a chi(!ftain's lo>ely daughter ; AivjeL~~Ax\^\. a clerk not fond of water. lUH 26 A'tV,S'(jW — Never nund tlio wliy .•ui.I wherefui-e, Angoliiu; co)isents, and tlierefore, Though Jier iiitellfot's but slender. And I fear slip's frivilo«,y, Yet T think she's }pung and tendor. And I might have done nincli nnm] Both. - - Set the merry bells, etc. Angel.- Both.- -Never mind thcr why and wlierefore, Angelinc^ consents, and therefore, Though they both are quite mistaken, And 8ir Samuers not the man ; To tJieir error they'll awaken When they see the otlier Sam. »Set the merry b<;lls, etc. Capt.-^\r Samuel, T cannot express my delight a( the hapnr n^ult of your expenment-your daneir.g was irresistible, f had uo Idea you could cut such a fu/ure in the mazv waltz iiir ,W..~Oai.t.. MacA.. it would be a strange thing if a Finane.- Minister of my standing cotdd not cut •Af.jnre in anvthincr f E.vlt Sir Samuel.) Vapf..- At length I can see mv way clearlv. Bv the aid of mv danghter Sir Samuel will be firndy bound to n.e ; a few fat inocurTJ judicious y /e hia entered.) J/ac/).— Captain ! ! 6V^^(recoiling)_MacI)t!adeye ! You here i Ah wTlJneour'f T"/' ""T ""'^""■^^ things, don't n llut this lime 1 lome out of kindnes.s, 1 waiit to tdve y on wanung randan Yn'V""^' . ? '" are surely not going to open up another oil Aa- \ ''''' ''"'^'■'"^' --iny more fe.tferso/ vn.e, h^v, ou "f (Lvinces great terror.) ' you ( You mistake niv ii.cining, Iist<'n Drr.T. ion, i/r/.-i;.-Great Chieftain. I've iu.portant infornnitic... Sing hey ! the very awful piece of work. ' About a certain intimate relation, t^ing hey ! your artful (h^ughter and the clerk ' ^^^^^'' '^1'^ ''rtful. r.rtfd .•au,d,ter a .d the clerk: 27 Vapt. — MacDeiidoyt', in connundrmDs yni i.rf s|»»'rtfcin«^ And keeping mo untirely in thr dink ; The answer to tlieni vainly I am seeking, Sing hey ! the artful daugliter antl tluj clerk ' Jiuth. — Tiie vei-y artful daughter and the clerk '. MaclJ. — CJreat Chieftain, yonr young danghtt-r i.^ a trying Her engagement with Sir Sanniel to hurk— She means this night with Snifter to l)e Hying . Sing hey ! your artful daughter aiul the cie't-k : Bc(h. — The very urtfuf daughter and the clerk ' Capt. — INIacDeadeye, you ha\e given tiin.My warning, The obligation I'll not try to .sliirlc ; I'll talk to Master Snifter in the morning, Sing hey ! tin; sack I'll give to that young clerk !: Both. — The very artful daughter and' the clerk !. Cape. — MacDeadeye, I thank you for your warning , I will at once take measures to ari-est their lliglit this will aff«M-d me ample ooncealtnent — no one trill be able to se'.' tliroiujh this ! (Lets fall a sheet of white, caliro on which is painteJ th^ vwtieed. } Ex,si:MBi.r. Carefully on tiptoe stalking, Moving gently as ve may ; While Sir Saiiniel is talking, We will softly steal a\\;iv. Alt. (alarmed)- Goodness, mo ! I hei'r them come ; .l/a<-/>.— Silent be, It was the " Hum." ( I'roniboHf note. J (Here the c:rcer of a maf/i ■ hnit^-ia nrranrjed at f'infjs or in front, so ok to throvj the shadouf of a lart/e " /iaf' on the back scene, is withdrawn,, the f (jure of the " bag " is s'en at bark.) 28 All. — Yes, yes ; iL was tlie '• Hum," Capt. --Thoy'vo right— it is a " lliim," (Povitinij la liiiii) All. — Call a sleigh — the fare's a quart jr, >>Vi/«. (fe< liiig|t<)ckets) — Yes, but who'll d my the tare ? All.-— Vox- a clergynijur is ready To unite the ha|)i>y l»air. All. Goodness me, I hear them come ; J/rtc/A— Silent be, Again the " Hum." All. — Again it was that " Hum," CVfjO/".- -They're right, it is a hum. ( Tiomboae nolf ) Capt. funco\ering)---Hold ! ( Shaduic as he/'oit. ) (All stitrt.) Capt. — Silly daughter ot mine, I insist upon knowing What vou may be doingwith this Government clerk. For these oflicers ot mine, though highly respec-table, Are scarcely fit company, my daughter, for you. Cfto^rn." of f '/r/-/..v. — Now, hark at that, do. Though highly respeeta't.U We're scarcely fit company for a lady like you. Saiii: — Proud Pre-mie-er, that haughty lip uncurl. Vain man, suppre.ss that supercilious sneer. For I have dared to love your matchless girl, A fact well known to all my comrades here. •(Jopt. -CUi .' Jiorror '. DuKT. — ClerL and Ait'jiUna. Yes < , a humble third class clerk. )he) Who's chief employ is sealing letters, Forced to such pooi-, degrading work By those whom fate has made , ' betteis. •^ ( his j Have I , , . . j my ) ,r . dared to rise , .- - wormv eves Has ) I his ) • - Above the sphere to which voud mould •, , . * ' ( linu In manhood's glorious ))ride to rise. ,r a Liv-il-i-an, behold , , . He Ls ' I Inm HIM 29 Chorug. — Ke is a Civ-il-i-an, For he himself hath s'lii.l it, Ami it's greatly to his credit Tliat he is a Civ-ili-an , For he might have heou a Draper. A Grocer or a Baker, Or perhaps a Hardware man. But in spite of all temptations To other occn])ations He remains a Civilian. Hurrah ' hurrah ! For the GovernJiient ('iv-il-i-an. Ane angiy, nv<> oidy canw out tfv ]ist'y,/._Sir Sauniel, one v/ord — The tacts are not before you ; The word was injudicious I allow ; But hear my explanation T im[)lore you, And yo)i will be indignant too, 1 vovv. Sir Sam/. — l will hear of no defence — The e.vpression was too awful — T 'piestion very much Jf it was not unlawf\d. HUB Kot many days from hence I inoniise that yon shall .see What is the consec|uence Of thns speaking of the N.P, ^4//. This is the const'(|ueiu'e ( )f thns sjieaking cf the N.P. *>lr Sluii.I.-Fov ril teach yon that the great N.P. Mnst l/<' sjtoken of resj)ectful/ — Angelina? 1 don't ({uite comprehend — To whom hew ; and, of coin'se, as a near relation of mine, and u Lower Province man, he must be provided for comfortably. ■ 38 Capt. — Of conrso, 8ir Samuel. (Aside.) We will get lum into the Hoiicse, and timt will l)e another vote on our side. Sir iSuinuel. — AlacDt'iideve, voii nuist considtn- our negotiations at an end. My j)riiici|>le.s will not allow me to come over to your j'iirty. MacD. — Hoot, mon — ye're prinnpl*'.s ( Ye niean ye' re inU.reat — (to audience) — he calls himselt" a Finance Meenister, and cunna' distin- guish between prbwiple and interest. Ensemble. Clerk, AiKjellna, MacDeadei/e, etc. Oh ! joy ; oh ! rapture unforeseen, Our prospects now are all serene ; fj ^ , > a settlement will make, Uncle j ' And we a stylish house will take, And entertain our friends. And every one on And every wt!ek •; ,, ,,, -' \ they 11 I < ,, } will call, { them J ' we'll I . give a ball The "Bcston ■'{ we thev I will dance all night, Nor go to bed till broad ilavliglit ; ^ "^'^- Itim. i '"^^'1!. I And thus ! I well \ their I "'""' \ they'll j Copt. — For I am the Captain of tlie Pai-liament ' spc nd. Chorus.- iMacD. Capt. — Chorus, — Capt. (laughing)- Chorus. — And u right good Captain he. But kfcp a .sharp lookout, And mind what you're about, Or you'll lose your majoriie^. I acted on the square All through the vhole ali'air, And it tvirned out right, you see ; I was very nearly stuck, But I had my usual luck, Which never has deserted me. What, never"? etc., etc. Well, it did once. It onlv once deseited he ; Then give three cheers to show our sentiment For the lucky Captain of the '* Parliament." Air — " The sfea, Uie sea, the open sea." Sir Saml. —The P., the P., the Great N.P. That lets nothing into the country free, Nothing into the country free. 34 It sends up the price of everything, And nmkt^s tlie producers merrily sing, The producers merrily sinfj;. Oh ! if ever we have prosj)eii/ee It will come on account of the Great N.F., On account of the (jireat N./*. AfacD. — I have sat in the Hooso for many a year, But sic rubbish as tliis I ne'er did hear, ^ic rubbish 1 lu 'er did hear. For producers, uae doot, it's all verra weel, But how do tlio piiir couitumera feel? The puir consumers feel. Oh, we ne'er shiill have real prosperifefi Till we knock on the head the horrid N.iP., This liotriLle sham, the N. P. /Iny.-The P., the P., the Great N.P., Of opinion there secnus much diver8i/«« Kegarding this strange N.P. But when Doctors like these do disagree — (points to MacA. and MacDeadeye.) So very decidedly disagree — About the etlect of this queer N.P., There is no other course, it seems to me — No other course seems open to me But to YOU to leave the Decree. Chorus. — He is a Ci-vil-i-an ; For he niight have been a Draper, A Grocer, or a Baker, Or perhaps a Pub-li-can. But, in spite of all temptations To other occupations. He remains a Civ-il-i-an. Hurrah ! hurrah ! For the Government Civ-il-i-an. (Curtain.) 35" Closing Scenk and Tableau. , (A twwfi 0/al.ferai.tinn in hi'(ir I hf'hlnif tic» im. Kutar '• t'wnailit,'' /it/luwe'l hjf " liritunnia." Canada. — It's 110 uhh voui tulkiiii,' iikn tliat »ii iiinui. f won't 1)6 rf^ctuted to. I'm (|iiittf ul'l hikmijxIi to ii»iiii/t' my ovvu li jiis*?. Auvoiio to hear you till< >voiil(l tl»iiil< I wan not evt'ii ,/roiv.t ////. liritanuia. — Tlmro is no donld. niv flt-ar, aUonr, your b 'in-^ i^i-owii up; the only dreail in my mind is wUt-thtu- yt>u aj-e not vatij>o vtiiif your Htrenolh Can --Yo<\ nt-ed'nt V>e anxious about that^ mamma; f assure you my cotiHfiftition is quite somitl. IhU..— \ n\n very alad t«) liear it, Hiy dear, but you must admit you have lieen very extravngMMt lately — Ijuilding ali thosf lou^railwavs. NVliy, when f was yotir n^sy, a few sraifu coa<^lies were tjuite }^ 00 1 eiujiij^li for ine. W'h^re do you ex|»t;t all the niom-y i» U) come from 1 (Jw, really, you have been drawing on me for a great deal of mouev lately ' an. — I Mm suie, Uinmniii, I h;tve'nt s|)Cnt neaily so much as sister " ZeHl.Mid " or sister " Austi-alia " has — ,\\\{\ see •vhat a lot '. f <>wX and tilings I sent you last year I — but thev , I always thought yo.i liked them bett r than me; and if you don't want to give mo any moie • nioiiey 1 can boi'iow it from "Cousin Joiiathau." I know he'll lend it to me. Ihit. (re rojiclifully) — !Now, Camida, this is very ungrateful ofyoiu Yoiv know yo»i have always l>een my fav.rite diughter. Did'nt I send you Lord Duflerin and his darling wife to helji yuu manage the House, tho\igh I could ill spare him. Can. — Weil, mannua, yon can't say we did not ap[)reciate him. lirit. — Of course von appreciated hiu), child ; h iw could you do otherwise ] and when he came bjick tlid'nt I send you my favoiite Princess and her husband I .uid yet you have the face to s^y 1 don't love you as well as I do the others ! Can. (coaxin-gly) —So you di»lf like oiif ul iii_y • wn |t'ojil«', xiiil I iaucy you rt'Hemble li.iii h jinrwlmt iii Other u**m.\*» Imwii^h juixuml HHjH'»UMiK.e. l^'iijuinin in a. vny clevor viiHii, Uit,«H I I.H\(* ImmI ticatHioii U) tell liim, tli( re ts such « diuij; aa ■Leiji^r /<'«/ (•!♦ A-^;!-. 1 1h»|«* you -won't Ik? too clever, C/iipt^iiii MitcA. (■a/>f. — I k1.«II <'IkU'HVoi- tn>t to U*, iiwitlaui. J,rii — 'IJitiH isoiie ^t»in IVlncA., and (Jiat Ik, U at, altliougli yoti are said to 1>e a little too loud of yoiw |»aMt you «uist j'emeini)er tliat, to a j^ient <,'xt+*iit, }«4J ai'e ^es^Kiiisdjk* for Um* go<»<' com! not ot yotn snljoiHlinateH, aixl 1 am not too >vell satisHeil wiili tlie l»eliaviiiei, -vvIk) maimges ray njonoy matteitj. Jirit. — Ho ■"' Jo ; NRVKK ! ! We will never be untrue to thee. <3raxd Chorus. — Air, " Rvife Britannia.*' Hail Britannia! the rnler of the sea, Caiia la to Britain ever true shall be. C Wa/ve JUiffft, Onion Jack and Canadian JSnsign.) — TABLEAt. fCurlain.)