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HOW NOT TO DO IT."
A SHORT SERMON
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CANADIAN MILITIA,
BY A "BLUENOSE."
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"HOW NOT TO DO IT."
A SHORT SERMON
ON THE
CANADIAN MILITIA
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BY A "BLUENOSE."
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PRINTED AT THE "l)i vi\0 CHRONICLE" OFFICB
18S1.
PREFACE.
•'I have neither wit, nor words, nor worth,
"Nor action, nor utterance, nor the power of speech
"To Btir men's blood. I only speak rifht on."
Shakespkahe.
TEXT.
"Thou my country, hast thy foolish way,
" Too apt to purr at any stranger's praise."
O. W, Holmes.
These lines were, I think, -written for the benefit of our
friends over the border, and while we laugh at the pro-
verbial Yankee blowing, or, as it appears in these lines,
purring, we fail to see our own faults in this respect, and
like many a rising young cat, relish with the greatest glee,
the pleasant stroking of every stranger that comes along,
and as strongly detest the impertinent hand that rubs the
■wrong way.
The miUtia, of course, is one of our great purring points,
for, when it is mentioned, we say, as plainly as possibly can
be said, in that expressive feline manner, " There is where
you get it." But now, after thinking it well ever, " do we
really get it ?" Seriously and impartially ruminating on
that subject, " do we really get it ?" At this point some
enthusiastic Colonel will bluster out, " of course we do ;
why we drill yearly so many thousand men, and we could
drill so many thousand more men, and we have so many
more hundreds of thousands behind these again, and we
have a 7" gun at Quebec, and a 64 Pr. converted at St John,
N. B., and we have another one at Kingston we are going
to convert, and we — we — we — and Britannia rules the
waves, and what more do we want." Well, now, I am not
jBb Colonel (and that is something), but I don't think that
we do get it, We get a General, and Tve got him to write
a lot of recommendations, and get thorn printed, and we
get some people to read them, and then we get rid ol' him,
and that's whore " he ;ivts it."
If \vt' do adopt any of the snygostions of our Generals, I
hope most sinooroly we will give the right man credit for
it, and, for ihis reason, let us hope that all the advice is
preserved, that no mistake may occur in this respect. Our
General will never sing as it is written in iht,' Pirates of
Penzance, " It is, it is a glorious thing to be a Major-General."
Our last Major-General wrote a great deal, shewing our
faults and suggesting things, tSrc. iV:e.. iVcc, but iinding it
no go, he set to work stroking us, aiul the playful young
Camidiau wild cat began to purr, and we worked ourselves
into a fearful pitch of sanguinary enthusiasm, and the con-
sequence was that, after every march past, great batches of
<»ur able-bodied olFicers were rushing to Head-Quarters and
oderiiiir themselves ricrht and if' to serve against Rivssia,
Afu'anistan, Cetewoyo, or ••any other man." In fact we.
wanted blood. However we got over all this, and now our
new Commander-in-Chief has vaistaken our tail for our
head, and the consequence is he has been ruflling our hair,
and we don't like it. Our coat has been made soft and slick
for the winter — and so, when we feel sotnebody inquiringly
feeling to set^ how the undergrowth is and discover some
mangy spots, why it is not nice. But 'tis sadly required,
and some nice ointment rubbed in will be of great service ;
though it smarts at lirst, it will make our protection much
better for the future. AVhen I use the word " ])rotection,"
I do not refer to the X. P., which would, however, be a good
thing, for a hian in guns would grcuuly improve their pre-
sent reports.
Of course, this want of hum in Ordnance, applies to the
Artillery, of which I shall principally speak ; for though
not a great gun, I hope some day to be a great gunner, and
I d.iro say if nnyhody ever roads thoso Vinos, I will be voted a
smooth bore, and coiisoquonlly (Oiul'mnod, but "by
Georf?*',"* [ will bo the first on«' of those useless articles over
treated .so, unlortunately for this Ca-iada of ours, as any
one can testify who has ever inspected the ruined
battlements throughout the land.
Well, ]iow, let us ^o into some of the defects, not all of
them, for that would be a fearful undertaking^. So take for
instance a Field Batt-'ry of Artillery : they are certainly well
armed, n(n\rly all the batteries having the now pr , but,
there it end.-^, everything else is cut down to the lowest
ebb, an order comes that only so many men are to turn
out, only so many officers, and only so many horses : so the
conse(iuence is that the corps goes through its drills as un-
like what it really should be in time of war, as anything pos-
sibly can.
And what is the consequence of this paring down to the
vert/ core mean :" Wliy it simply makes the drill a mere farce
compared to what it ought to be, and gives officers and
men a very poor idea of whut should be, and thus does
away with thi' use of iu.struction. For the last few years,
batteries have been drilling with the maximum of horses
allowed. I had the. extreme happiness of seeing one at
work, and I iirnily believe if it had oyer gone he fore an
enemy, it v/ould never have come back again. The move-
ments wore perform^^d in a soft field, and so the horses could
just manage to pull the guns along at a slow v^alk. and,
owing to this fortunate circumstance, the StafF-Sergeants
had no trouble in keeping up on /not, an<l one OtFicer, rather
than be without a mount, ihrew his coat gaily over a rail
i'ence, mounted it and successfully pertbrmed his numerous
duties from this elevated position. No doubt this was most
effective, and reilected great credit on tae young man for
his presence of mind when in a trying position, but as a
gentleman near Tomarkod, it took a c^reat deal away from
the dash and display of the maiuDuvros.
The Inspectors of Artillery, like our Major-General, also
write reports, and have the pleasure of setMn^' them printed
too, statinsf that four horses are not sulficient for a i^un, but
of course that is of no consequence, for when they don't
listen to the General, it would never do to give ear to a
junior.
"With men who turn out so seldom, and only see their
work once a y'ar for a few days, Ihey should then see every-
thing. Former instruction is of little use to a man, if on
the eve of a liirht, he is shewn something to work that he
never saw before in his life.
It is not only in horses that they arc thus half
equipped, but in many othor things, which, added together,
make a nice array of knowledge to be picked up at the
last moment, while the enemy would be picking away at
them, to say the least distracting, and also forming a new,
subject to be studied, but requiring less instruction, as it is
60 easily got into Hie head.
"With a regular soldier you may, on some occasions,
" make shift, or make the motion," as we sny at drill, for he
has seen what is right, and can readily take to it again
when required ; but with a •' green horn " it is different ;
you must teach him all he is to learn, for if he has never
seen a fully equipped battery at his annual drills, lam very
sure he will not manage it for the first time, ^^ ith any great
success, in the battle field, but, like the Mule Artillery,
would be quite as dangerous to his friends as to his foes.
The next thing we may look for is an order, stating that no
more ammunition will be issued, as the useless waste of
shot and shell is found to be expensive, but Commanding
OfEcers will see that their men are made acquainted with
the action oi' said projectiles and fuies, by aid of black
boards ; one bundlo of lire cracjjers will be issued, in future,
to each battery, to assist in experiment;.
This may be a little exaggerated but not very far out. If
we want an /thing- like perfoction, our Gunners must be
trained to plaij with what they will be required to use in
earnest.
If not, what will be the result of adding the necessaries
at the last moment. More men and horses, &c., &c., &c. ;
why we would have an addition of perfectly raw recruits
added to our already half drilled batteries, who had never
seen a gun before.
The officers in the same po.sition as the men, being
novices at their work, would have quite enough to do
with what they were used to, and to attend to all the ad-
ditional exertions inseparable from their duties in time
of war.
For what folly it would indeed be to expect them to
learn all the new detail necessarv to an increase, at the
last moment, when their heads would be quite full
enough with remembering what they had already only
half learned, and for want of practice had perhaps forgot-
ten.
But now, to one of the greatest of our troubles, and one
which every stranger who sets foot in the country must see
at a glance, and cause Military Men to weep if they are
our friends, or jump for joy if the other thing. I refer, of
course, to the armament of our fortresses ; nothing can be
said of the Field branch, when compared to this disgrace-
ful exhibition, and nothing shews our miserable neglect of
self-defence so plainly. Other defects may be hidden, and
people humbugged by long service rolls, bright uniforms,
big drums, and bluster, into believing that all is prepared;
8
but here under our noses, the evidence of utter ruin and
indifference cannot be disguised.
Just glance at any of our works, see the gaping embra-
sures everywhere, and note the old smooth bore on his
rickety carriage, with unkept and unpaiuted look, drooping
despondently over some historic clilT, sayiiig plainly as pos-
sible " everything has been rifled but me."
"What a fatal mistake to leave a valuable fort without its
embrasures manned with guns of a modern stamp, how
truly useless it is. for no other expedient can be used in
this case. No other arm makes amends for our want of
guns, as in the open field, what good can all the " King's
horses and all the King's men " do, if our works are not
manned with a weapon, superior, or at all events, as good
as the enemy around us.
A fort without its proper number of guns is useless, an
immense giant without hands or arms, and unlike other
artillery in the held unable to take to his legs.
Better reduce our Field Batteries, than leave our works
in the state they are, for the former can be substituted by
other arms, but the foe in the latter case sits quietly down
out of reach, and pounds us to pieces.
The state of the equipment of our Garrison Artillery at
present is useless ; not only are nearly all the guns smooth
bores, but a great number are unserviceable, all being of
antiquated pattern, both guns and carriages belonging to a
by-gone day.
At Kingston, Ontario, we have fine works, lately repair-
ed at a heavy cost, but no guns to opeak of, two 7" B. L.
all the rest S. B., many of them unserviceable. Defending
its sea front w^ith several 32 prs., is a 56, a gun that is
considered unsafe to £re, all of its kind having been obsolete
9
for many years for that reason, T5ut the country will be
charmed to hear that it can be safely used with a friction
tube, and therefore useful for drill purposes, and its size
has a sreat moral efTect unon foreiini visitors.
The 32 prs. though old and time-worn, are still known
to possess energy and go enough to recoil, in tits of en-
thusiasm, over the rear oi their traversing platforms ; so this
is another way they will go back on the country some day
or other.
In this true Canadian and patriotic way we also defend
St. John, N. B , at a cost next to nothing, while the Im-
perial Government has spent millions on Halilax.
An American visitor, when once being shewn around
Fort Henry, Kingston, was asked what bethought of it.
"Well," he said, "it's a mighty fine place, but I guess if one
of our ironclads anchored out in front of it, I calculate you'd
have to (ix things up a little or else move it back into the
country a bit.'' Now this piece of brag on th^ part of an
American citizen happens to be too near the truth for us to
look upon it as a Joke.
If we wnsh to defend our country, we must try and keep
up with tne age and not expect the old guns of nearly a
century ago, to protect us against the modern arms and
heavy ordnance of the time,
Alas ! Some day we will pay the penalty for this liip
Van Winkle stylo of thing.
We may talk proudly of our strong-holds and the attacks
they repulsed in olden times, and point with pride to the
history of old Quebec, but then, in the matter of armament,
we were not behind the age as wq are at presejit.
10
We might just as well place in the hands of our infantry
the old Queen Anne musket and expect them to fight
against a modern Mout[roinery, with the success that they
did against the old.
The ancient American G-eneral cam--', and found Quebec
armed up to the time ; then those now despised guardians
were the hes^ and supposed to be wonders ; bat the new
one comes along with all his improvements, and iinds the
old place as his predt^cessors left it, and then, perhaps, the
inscription hanging on the did" over Champlain tStreet will
be pulled down, and a word nearer and dearer to every
Canadian, substituted lor that of the doughty old Yankee,
who once found us so tough a morsel.
Quebec is proudly called the (jribraltar of America, but
arm the godfather iu the same way as the namesake, and
it would soon lose the terror of its name.
The day that sees an enemy's ironclad steam scornfully
past Quebec, in spite of its smooth-bore remons. ranee, and
plant a few shells in the heart of the wealthy city of Mon-
treal, may be hailed by all the lovers of their country, as
the first step towards a proper defence, for a finv hot shell
distributed among some of our Merchant Princes instead
of hot coppers, will have a great effect in causing some, at
least, to take out an insurance policy against this kind of
fire, of which they have had no experience as yet.
In summing up our troubles, therefore, we find ourselves
in the position of the celebrated coon, and mu>t whimper
out with the best grace possible : " don't fire. Uncle Sam,
we'll come down."
There is no comitry in this wide world that requires her
strongholds kept in such perfect readiness, and her sentries
vigilant as Canada. For not only must she be prepared
for the bold and open hostilities of her foes, but must bo
n
ever ready to resist to the last, ths slow, sure and over-
whelming attacks of local CorporatiDns, and we may safely
say that the foot and horse of a foreign invader is nothing
to the Mai/or of a Corporation.
'Tis useless here to point out how the grasping municipal
powers are, piece by piece, lot by lot, SMniring everything.
No weight of metal or depth of ditch can stop a foe like
this, for, as the plague itself, they are everywhere.
It is hi^artr-^nding to see the use made of some of the old
time-honored l)uiklin::s ; nothing is too low or degradini?
for thein, and who can deiiy that th*^ only time these hoary
walls ever see cement and plaster, is when some political
party requires employment for so many votes. And, what
is worse, this political pointing is; never worth a d . for
I have seen it drop oif three months after it was put on.
It has not yet beer; decided which political party possesses
the best and most h sting cement, but it is certain that the
recent work of the kind will not, like the former, fall off,
for the reason of too much ,g/v7 in the composition.
Well may we say that e\'(M-ythijiir smacks of politics in
this much-governed country, and we can im;igine some
game old block of granite in the fortilications splutter out
to his neighbour, through the fresh mortar thrown uncere-
moniously in liis face : '• l>race up, limestone, here's
another election."
Let us now talk about the l)one and muscle, and leave
the walls and ordnance a little while to themselves, which
they no doubt are pretty well used to by this time.
It must be noticed that the Canadian Militia never
wants for officers, no matter how scarce the men, every-
where are to be found othcers. The reason, of course, is
that it is so easy " to a-t'rt there." Almost any young or old
man can obtain a uniform, put it ou, and he thinks he is
12
" all there." "Well, like the Yankee's horse at the foot of the
hill, he is " all there," and, in many cases, after a time, retires
retaining? his rank, which generally comes in handy after-
wards, when his business may require a handle to his
name. IJut, seriously, this subject of officers is a most
important one, for on them, and on them only, depends
the efficiency of a Militia force.
Officers in the Ilegular Army have their Non-Commis-
sioned Officers under them thorousfhly trained, who know
all the little de'ails to perfection, and in all minor points it
is simply " i^o on Sergoant-Major," and all goes well.
But with untrained men an officer turns out with his
battery for drill and is supposed to tike all the parts from
Commanding Officer to trumpeter, his Non-Commissioned
Officers all look to him, for where is that old veteran with
everything at his finger ends, the Sergeant-Major of the
regular service.
Therefore, our officers must be of the best material in the
land, of higher social position, and superior intellect from
the rank and file, and they must command respect and
confidence ; for if a militia officer has so much more on his
shoulders than a regular one, he should have a good pair
to bear the burden, and a clear head to back them up.
This, unfortunately, Is not always the case with us, but
the most glaring and ruining fault is in many instances
practiced, that of appointing inferior men to these posts.
In some cases, officers are elected by the men, and like
the American syslem of electing judges, it " won't do," and
the result is the same. Most injur. his to the service, lor
ten chances to one, the men will put in one of their cronies
rather than vote for a person who is likely to be a little
severe with thera.
13
The idea is foolish and wrong-, and anybody who knows
anythin;^ about it will easily iraaiiiuo how impossible it
would be to preserve any discipline whatever.
I was once waikint? with an officer, whoso battery wiis
then goin^ throug'h its annu;>l drill, and on the way we
met one of his gay young gunners, driving along in a
country cart in unilbrm, bur alas! with a big straw hat
on and holding aloft a woman's parasol ; it was a hot day,
and as we passed, this volatile young soldier called out to
my companion, '• I say. Captain, you'll 'j;ot fn^ckled if you
wear that pancake on your head a day like tliis." }>[y
friend, the Cnprain, laughed und thought it a n'ood joke,
although this occurred in the street. I asked him why he
did not punish the man in some way, for he had given
orders that none other than the forage caps should be worn ;
well, he said, "how can I, he is a sort of cousin of mine,
lives a little way below me, and if I put on am/ fii/ls the boys
don't like it, and some of them would l>urn my barns if I
tried too much ollicering."
Now, here is the folly of having a man of the same sociul
rank and station as the men under him. for the young-
country youth cannot see why his next door neighbour
should order him about as he likes, for the short space of
eight days, simply because he wears an olhcer's uniform.
A private soldier must look up to his oincers and think
them superior to himself in oveiy way. biu this can never
be accomplished when Tom Jones, Captain, and John
Smith, Private, work in the same shop together uay after
day.
Look around among our Batteries and Battalions, seek
for the most elficient, and then look at the oihcers, it will
be seen that the best corps have good men to command
them, and the bad ones the reverse.
14
Therefore, to improve our force, trim the candle properly
and improve the officers — put commissions out of the reach
of overy man, msiko it a thini^ hard to ^et and worth
g'ottinp;', and then it will rise in value, and consequently
better men will aspire to it. Like every thing- else, put it
within the reach of all, and it g-ets common at once. Place a
price oil it, and only thoso worthy of the honor will aspire
to it.
One way of putting; value on the commissions is to re-
quire attendance at the schools of instruction (this can
only be done with the Artillery, unforlunately) and at
these schools of Gunnery make every officer pass his ex-
amination, and tho.se who fail to pass, or to attend for the
purpose, should be removed for those who can, no matter
how old or high the rank may be; il he is a Major or a
Colonel so much the more reason he should qualify or
leave.
As it is, many of these odicers under cover of their
old age and long; service, remain in command, and would
shoot any cne barefaced enoua:h to ask them what their
qualifications were.
There are Artillery corps in the country who have most
excellent, upright, and exemplary men as commanding-
onicev.s, but, " O, what fearful Artillerymen ! "
How frequently one hears it said of some Battery or
Regiment, -' (), it will never be worth a rap as long as old
Colonel or Major Geegee has command." Every one knows
he is ignorant of his duties, but no effort is made for the
better, and he is quiet ■ left to die off, which he never
will do.
How many Artillery and Infantry officers are there in
Canada now steadily climbing up the ladder of rank, with
16
tracing lace intertwining itself gradually around their per-
sons, like ivy around the ruined wall, who know little or
nothing about their work.
I once hoard an olficer remark that •' he was tired of this
Artillery, and thoug'ht of going into the Inlimtry," cora-
plr.ining that he saw nothing in this branch of the service
but "run up" and "run back." Like some of our smooth
bores, this ardent son of Mars should go to Gener:d Pulliser,
and be converted, or at least have his muzzle stopped in
some way.
It is all very well during an annual drill, and, I dare say,
very amusinff to observe the idiotic niistokes made by poor
old Captain Falsetto, as he twists himself and his battery or
company into all sorts of outlandish shapes and forms. But
on the field of battle, when, pm-haps the fate of the country
depends on his actions, it becomes anything but a laughable
matter.
We have our S hools of Gunnery, where Artillery is
taught in all its branches, and there should not be an offi-
cer or non-commissioned officer in the force who has not
attended them.
If this plan was adopted, a great change for the better
would be sure to be the result.
In many cases we also see through the country, as Ser-
geant-Majors and Sergeants, old fossils who have been in
the batteries for years, who know how to hook drag-ropes,
and call the roll, and that is about all. It is hard to turn
out a man like this after all his service, but it must be done
for the country's good. It should be in this case the re-
verse of the old song, and read "Uncle make room for your
Tommy," the said Tommy being a hue strapping fellow
with lots of dash about him and a fresh certificate from the
School of Gunnery.
16
At those institutions, a man is not only tanq-ht his Gunn
drill but he l^anis what is of rrioro iinportaiico, "how to !)e
a soidi'-r" ; he thore. S'es the use and elleet ol' the mii^hty
arm of <li-cipline which must always ^-o hand in hand
with p ■rfection at drill and is just what a country boy wants,
or any of our youn!^' (.'anadians overllowing" with the flavor
imbibed from over the border of doing as he "d pleases."
Sir G-arnet Wolseley says : " in action the drill of the worst
Militia Iveg-iment in the world will do, provided the discip-
line is good."
The schools for Iniantry instruction at certain seasons
are of course bettor than nothing, but they are certainly not
worth the money expended on thon, partly because they
teach only drill. I'or Cadets, going as they would to a village
school in the morning and returning to their homes at night,
may h>^ prolieient at mere drill, but are fir :i\v;iy from the
greatest lessons a soldier has to learn. And also because
it is op 'U to any boJy who may like to enter, and the con-
sequence is many go simply for th.; $jO, who are of no use
to the Militia afterwards, whereas, if they had to turn into
Barracks and go through some of tlnj less pleasant duties,
they would think twice about it. Many, I know, will bear
me out in the fact, that some time aero, and I think yet, old
men and perfectly useless individuals joined simply for the
reasons mentioned above.
To return to our Artillery, it is utterly impossible to ex-
p^>ct any state of proficiency from the batteries unless we
have oflicers who understand their work, for on them de-
pends so much.
If they wont take the trouble to learn, iho men never
will, and so it goes on a miserable farce, and a Military
Burlesque, made doubly so in the case of Artillery.
Oflicers should be made to qualify before their appointment
and not aflerwards. When w^e had no schools this provision-
IT
al business was nocpssary, hut now it s no lonsfcr the cases ;
when a youiiu; man g-oes Military mad and wants a com-
mission p('i)it him to thestartiiii:- point, .i ''C\'nilicate" ; hi^re
he will have time to cool oil and learn what his work
will be and, if he has it in him, he will come out a a:ood
Olficer, and if not, he will give it up. It is tlie worst thim^
in the world to let him ru.sh into anew uniform all iit once
and do nothinij:. And then, if he turns out a noodle. th»}re
i.s no getting ridof hiui and perhap.s he sticks on to become,
in future years, one of these old -'dulier.s" ^ve have iust
mentioned some time a^'O. If this systeu vas adopted of
cot)Iing them oil" as cadets lirst, we would not see in every
General Order long lists of OlhciM's returnijig and otht>rs
going in, to give it up again in turn after the gloss wear.s off.
\V(^ musft have instructions if we want Artillery (Xficers.
Of coiirse without it we can hav.3 officers in unlimited
numbers ; but what a helpless, useless creature is an in-
competent commanding olheer in charge of a battery of
four guns, with raw otiicers, raw non-commissioned officers,
and men and horses ditto.
A tinker, a tailor, why even a scissor-grinder requires to
study and go through a good deal of 'j^rindhn:!; to perfect
himself in his work, before he can ply his trade properly : if
such callings as these require instruction, can it be
imagined for a moment that by simply putting on a uniform
the noblest profession on the eartli is to be mastered.
Esta])lishing schools of gunnery anl then not forcing
officers to qualify, but allowing them to hold positions they
cannot fill with justice to tL _> cou)itry, seems but half
fulfilling the intention of improving our force and stops
short where the i>-rcat good commtnices.
In a few hundred years hence we mny imagine how a
Canadian Lieutenant-Colonel or Staff Oilicer will be des-
3
18
cribed in some of the school books, or scifntific records of
our time ; they uill give a long- account ol' his habits, dress,
&c., and will probablj^ wind up by stating' his most pro-
minent peculiarity, his great age, which like the elephant's,
a ibur legged beast of that period, was a!>«tonishing.
Now, if ag-e is required in the service of any country, it
is only for the sake of the experience it has had and the
model it affords to the juniors. Now, are any of the "old
folks at Honu'"" or our aned Colonels bursting- over with
militarv experience useful in lighting- time ? 1 am sorry to
say no ! DeSalaberry is dead and the last munificent
pension to the veterans of 1812 proved too much for these
doughty old warriors, and so we are left ahme. If those
we have had any real experience to impart to us youngsters,
why then keep them ))y all means. But, if in any future
scrimmnge we are to go into it as novices and schoolboys,
let us by all means leave the old gentlemen at home, for
the young will learn quicker than they. For 'tis certain
that any warlike operations on this continent will not be
child's play, so therefore the strongest and hardest muscle
and th(^ Nearest heads are required.
If this principle be not observed, we had better send to
the Royal Military College the old boys, instead of the young
ones.
I once had the honor of serving with a force proceeding
on an expedition to a distant part of Canada some years
ago. The officers in command were the finest old gentle-
men one would wish to see, all at the head of their
profession, that is, they were time-worn Lt. -Colonels, and,
as Dundreary says : '" Everything was made nice and com-
fortable in that way."' They were possessed of the most
pleasing manners, enjoyed good cigars and hot toddy, but,
after that, I fear they had little more in a military way to
recommend them. But what abilities the old gentlemen
19
did havo in this rospoct was taken i\p, to the exclusion of
all othor.^, in devisiiii,'' ways and means to ropel tlio nover-
ceasinj^ attacks of the native mosqiiitos.
I shall never for^-et our leader or " driver," (for ho was
always b^^hind) ; h*; had a head as bald as an e^^, but covered
by a well kt>pt vvi'^^ wlnni, to th*^ utter dismay of the whole
expedition, a small party of Indian do:|s at '• Fort t:5ome-
where" one ni^flit uiadti a reconnaissance in force, and
quietly picked the j^orLjeoi-"-^ coveriu'^ from off the pate of
the venerable owner.
This reverse at so early a sta^e of onr march, was never
repaired, for our i^allant old Commander, bein;^ thus depri-
ved oi calmer, was forced to protect hims'lf in the open
with an old canvas nosebag', which he wore for the rest of
the journey, surmounted by a silverdaced stuff cap; for the
old chap was most particular with regard to dress.
Some months after, 1 happened to re-visit the scene of
this disaster to our arms (or heads, I should say) and was
surprised and shocked to see a young braggart of an Indian
exhibiting to some open-mouthed emigrants, a ghastly scali)
lock ; on drawing near, imagine my horror and dismay at
recognizing (by the name of the maker in the corner) a
portion of a re<:^ul(i(if)n s/nff //-/g. I whispered in the ears
of the noble young savage " too thin,"' which he did not
of course, understand, but, went on relating, in the
minutest manner, how he " tore the reeking trophy from the
quivering victim." I did not expose th_^ warlik'^ chieftain,
but grimly thought what happiness and bloody triumph
was '1 store for thi Crow and Blackfeet, in the shape of
such trophit's. if many of my dear old friend's stamp were
sent against them. There would, however, be one
advantage about my revered old Colonel, if ever they tried
scalping in earnest. The Crow would find hard picking'
20
there, iind if he indiilo-od in hiiir-oil, 'tis a question whether
the ffamr would ho worth the rnmllc.
But no ou<' eni say that the old in(Mi arti hvss enthusiastic
f'<r many of thtMn are as hard-workinu' and red hot as the
youuir. At oui' of our kite ijroat reviews, I was sent to the
I)i>trict Stall" OUice for ordtTs, hut found no stall' there, the
Peputy Adjutant-General and Hrii^ade Major were, I was
told, out of town, niakinu' some avranu'ements on the
review y-round for tin; marchinu;' past, sham liuht, &c., I
went thither, and was surprised to see the two old soldiers
down ill a lii>lt.' din'i^iii^- away like sapi)ers and miners
with a pick and shovel. I was thunderstruck, for I saw at
ouee that it was " infra ciiii:,'' I thought of Capt. Kidd at
first, then I thouuht of the sham fi'^ht ; perhaps some
skirmisher had fallen there, and was beini^ interred with
militan/ honora, so .salntinu", I rt'marked in the lines of
somebody : —
Fi>r will nil (ligLrc':;t tlmu tliut gnivo, 1 sai'l
'i"o thu I). A. <1. ffOlli town.
The answer was : —
I ;iiii not ilig^'iug a grave, he said
!)Ut putting' :i flag-statr down.
And true enough, as the Government of Canada would
refuse to pay for it, these two old heroes were getting- up a
temporary erection on the api)roach to a grand stand, on
which was to ily the Royal Standard in honor of the
Princess. So he'.'e, at least, was enthusiasm, and digging
w^hich the best Sapper might envy.
Another fruitful cause of ruin to our Militia, is the great
want of proper encouragement given by the Government
to many energetic officers, and the trials and uphill work
of many of these gentlemen, are unfortunately knowni only
to themselves, and every request for any necessary is met
with the word, no ! ; so the whole force suffers consequently.
21
How often we see the case ol' u fine battery beinc raised, a
lot of drill and inspection, and no tMid of interest displayed,
\vhi{'.li •rradually dies away. OllicervS jjei tired of it. lueu
nejjdect their work, so it dwindles away to nothing-.
This, of course, is hard to pvovent, for naturally men
weary of the ni^-htly drills, outsiders u-ct tired ot watching
them, and so the spirit of tlie thing- dies out.
A n^reat deal could, liowever, be done to prevent all this,
simply by encouraging- the force in many small ways
which are now sadly neglected, cau.>ing all sorts of "make
shifts" injurious to the service, and hard on the oiiicers'
poekets.
In Sir Garnet Wolseley's hand book, is a hint that
applies to us. and is the secret of all line armies. lie says :
" Make a man proud of himself and his corps and he can
always be depended upon."
This should be our great aim and object, we pay them
nothing- except in their eight days" drill ; therefore, their
pay for the remainder of the year should be encnurnsemenf ;
it is very easily bestowed and all can allbrd to give it.
Pride should be the thing to keep up the Militia, not
the pay ; the man who serves for that should never be en-
listed, because the paltry sum he makes in his eight days,
is not sufficient to get anything with, except drink.
The mow we Vv'ant are those who serve for the pure love
of the thing.
In raising corps, only good men should be enlisted, and
the flagrant mistake of taking anyone to fill up the ranks,
be forever done away with. 1 have heard of an officer
who put his spare tunics on the backs of the men of a tra-
velling Circus, for the sake of an inspection. Several cases
22
of loafers haying gone the rounds and drilled in different
regiments in succession, drawing, of course, pay in each,
are on record.
Men of that stamp will spoil any corps. Take a man,
for instance, who is really proud of his regiment and him-
self, say he always takes a pride in being neat and soldier-
like in all his habits, brags about his battery or company
being the best, and so on. Now, how quickly you drive
this good man out if you enlist a few loafers and bad char-
acters ; just a few will drive a whole batch of good men
away in disgust, for in the person of a drunken, slovenly,
untidy comrade is their corps disgraced.
You can't expect them to go into camp, roll up in the
same blanket with and make chums of those they despise,
and would not notice in every day life.
But still it is done every year, so many thinking that full
ranks on inspection day will make up for everything.
This brings us to the subject of dress, which has so much
to do with the shady side of the story.
The late issue of clothing has been abused by everybody
from General Smyth downward; he has stated in his
report that the material is bad, the lit fearful, and the gen-
eral appearance shocking.
If our rulers had set systematically about wiping the
militia of the face of the earth, no more effectual mode could
be adopted than serving them out with badly fitting and
a poor quality of clothing. No truly good soldier will
attend his drills in garments, that make him the laughing
stock of all the little urchins, and cause him to take the
back streets on his way to the drill sheds. For bad fit,
bad cloth, bad cut, and bad sewing, I will back the Ca-
nadian Military clothing against anything in the world.
It is a beautiful sight to see a man in one of the serges
which happen to be made of different kinds of cloth ; one
never sees it till after the sun gets at it for a time, and then
one-half of the back retair a its color, Avliile the other takes
a light blue tinge, one arm goos off into a fit of blues of
another type, while the other becomes a light green, there-
fore "never say dye' is the motto of our men. And the men
•who do dye for the country should make it a moro perma-
nent operation.
Put a battery of Her Majesty's lloyal Horse Artillery into
Canadian blouses and imagine the etfect.
The words of Sir Grarnet "Wolseley on this subject should
be written in letters of gold, they are these : "The better
you dress a soldier, the more highly ho will be thought of
by women, and consequently by himself."'
I hardly think this could have been the idea of the in-
venters of the latest Artillery and Infantry clothing for the
Dominion of Canada ; they say "the tailor makes the man,"
but he did not in this case, I hope.
If a young Canadian soldier wished to make himself
look particularly w^ell in the eyes of his sweetheart Mary,
he would never, "hardly ever", appear before her in a suit
of his newly issued serge.
Only those who have seen this marvellous dress, studied
its peculiar cut, and followed w'ith an artistic eye the
slopes and curves it gives the human form, can appreciate
the good sense of the bashful recruit who puts in a pass to
wear plain clothes on his mission of love.
For certainly the comely Canadian lass would turn up
her pretty nose at those never to be obliterated wrinkles in
the tunic and the sag of those tremendous pants.
24
These same bags are particularly iinsuited for the Lien
at annual drills, lor during that period the recruits and
awkward men are rendered doubly stupid by the un-
fortunate shape of these articles, cut so alike before and
behind, that it is impossible for them to tell whether they
are marching to the front or rear, hence causing much
confusion in the simplest movemeiUs.
In Punch an irate Colonel is portrayed, ordering a
slovenly young man to "slap his leg and look at the girls in
the windows." If one of our fellows tried this it would
be so like beating carpets at house cleaning time, that he
would be forced to give it up and the girls too.
We should be clothed well, with good material and good
fit, and the extra expense will be fully repaid by the pride
and interest taken in the service and the trousers.
Most people think that anything wall do to put on our
Militia, provided it costs nothing and is made roomy. Com-
plaints are made that the men won't look after their own
clothes ; w^ell they could never bo expected to look after
this missing link kind of tailoring that is put in their
keeping now. By dressing them decently, the men will be
encouraged to look w^ell, and when once they ^ei proud of
their corps and proud of themselves, the great object will
be attained. And, above all, if we wish to improve the
state of the Canadian Militia, w^e must banish forever the in-
fluence of politics, w^hich is at present a drag-shoe impeding
the w^orking of the whole machine.
In this very case of clothing, I once knew of a quantity
being made, examined by a ])oard, and rejected as being
unfit for use and not according to contract, but the man
who made them goes to his local member, wdio goes to
somebody else, and as it is only for the Militia, " why let it
go, better do that than lose Mr. so and so's vote," so the
26
clothinpf was taken and sDine of our gallant volunteers arc
probably wearing it now. I once saw an armory contain-
ing about 40 stand of arms, lamaged to a great extent by
rust and breakage, ball bags, pouches, &:c., spoiled or lost,
all through the neglect of the Captain of the Company, it
was a disgraceful sight. The arms were repaired at a cost
of §300.00, which it was intended he should p.iy, but, like
the political tailor, he got the proseedings stopped against
him and was reinstated in the Militia throuorh that influ-
ential gentleman, the member of the county. Some people
may read this with surprise, but those who know the ropes,
will say it is but a very mild case ; but, no matter what
they call it, it is disgraceful for any country and poisons
the service, and disgusts every man who has any soldierlike
feeling about him.
If some great genius would only ari.'je in this bleeding
country, take charge of afFuirs, and say : " Let your politics
have full fling in everything else, but the militia must be
free from it in every particular." When we import our
Major-General, let him have the management of his work.
At present our grey-haired Commander-in-Chiei is likely
at any moment to have his orders and advice put aside for
the command of some political bantam inebriated with
the exuberance of his own verbodtij and egotistical imagination.
(Original.)
Another fruitful source of disgust and discouragement to
us is the constant inclination to appoint Imperial Oilicers
to fat appointments, for the halo of glory around the head
of an imported Englishman can never shine over ours.
If «// that have Jiot well-ffathered nests in the wilds of
Canada, were men whose experience warranted their ap-
pointment over our heads, why all right. Some have, but
others have not ; therefore, let us '• change rounds " and tell
oflf again in this respect, and have no more of it, now that
4
26
the Royal Military College and other means are open to us
wooden headed people to acquire knowledge in the art
of war.
For, on the principle of the flagstaff on the King's Bas-
tion, Quebec, which was carefully made at home and trans-
ported across the Atlantic, it has been found that we can
grow them here at much less expense, and even mould
them into the required shape, to bear the Union Jack as
bravely as the seasoned stem from old England.
No, our cry to the old land is, " send us not quite so
many men and a few more guns, rifles and ammunition in
any quantity you please, and trust us, that we will find out
how to use them, and in the hands of Canadians ; the iron
shell will fly with the same unerring speed that the
wooden one has so often done under the management of
the .s/i'tt// of our tight little countryman, Edward Hanlan."
So like the historical burglar, I hope some Imperial brother
in arms will acknov^edge that there is "something in that"
and own at least there is some merit in a. flat skull.
One great reason that people imagine at home we are in
such an utterly helpless state, with regard to leaders, is
the loose and careless way our vast and unlimited supply
of Colonels and Majors and Captains are allowed to wander
unhindered and unchecked ov* the face of the earth,
where they naturally do not ira 'ss the multitudes they
meet with the feeling that we are in the hands of com-
petent men, and also the surmise must arise in the mind of
any foreigner, while viewing some of our migratory Colonels,
•'what the d must the subalterns be like ?"
Like everything else cheap and nasty, it wont go down ;
we know, everybody else knows, w^hat a fine old mill this
is for turning out this particular type of military man, and
yet the wheels go round and every day more are being
27
made, and unless they turn to and devour each other we
will be overrun. We have made it too common and cheap,
and consequently its tone is gone.
If Ostrich feathers and seal skins come within the reach
of every housemaid, the desire to appear in these gorgeous
raiments will be much diminished in those who would
best become them.
The Lord knows there are enough of these bad coppers
who coin themselves.
For no profession in the world is so open to piratical
attacks as that of the military ; the doctors suffer too, but
generally there is some legal way of getting at the coun-
terfeiters. But, with us, any body, from the latest born
pigmy up to the biggest manager of a street railway com-
pany, all put on the handle, and now it is indispensable
that the word "Kernel" should be hitched on in the case
of railway managers, lawyers, &c., &c., and it is safe to
state that "every two fellows out of three'" are Colonels,
and the third fellow, well the third fellow must be a Major
or Captain. Therefore, as it is obvious, we have no control
over this unofficial honor, our only hope is to stop it
where we can, and when they are turned out, let them be
well tried and tested, similar to other newly made articles,
and, like the faulty coin, let those .nat are found light, be
warmed up again or rejected.
We should certainly be thankful, the word G-eneral is
still untarnished, but if ever a case shews itself, instant
quarantine and "Boycotting" should be quickly resorted to.
Across the border, the disease is raging with terrific force,
and, strange to say, those who have come among us afflict-
ed with this fearful scourge have not imparted it to any of
our people.
28
It is a great pity we have all these defects and blemishes,
and, for the sake of our reputation, they must be wiped out.
A little pushing here, pullini,^ there, and snubbing some-
where else will make it all right. We have the head, bone
and muscle in the country for anything, and it only wants
proper managing. The Dominion itself is large, but the
population of course is small in proportion, and so is our
militia. But as Tom Thumb said when kicked behind
by a big boy, " look out, I'm a little man, but by ."
Though small in ourselves, we are part of the British
Empire, and always will be, although the Yankees say,
either politically or by force, we must go over to them.
But fortunately when the American rebels drove the U. E.
Loyalists into the then frozen fields of Canada, they allow-
ed them to carry an undying antipathy for the American
Eagle, which their sons to this day have not forgotten. A
descendant of a U. E. L. family in New Brunswick has
now an oil painting of one of his ancestors. But the old
gentleman's face is marred by having a three-cornered bay-
onet hole through the cheek inflicted by a rebel in 1775,
who thus showed his bravery, and hatred of the venerable
Britisher by driving his weapon through the canvas.
This was about the oidy thing the gallant loyalist carried
to his new home, and there it hangs now with the gaping
w^ound just as it was made. A mere prod of a rebel bayonet,
and it was done. But all the darning, stitching and gum-
ming in the world will never give the old man the cheek
he once had; and that all patching of the old rents of the
revolutionary bayonet may be as fruitless, is the prayer of
the U. E. Loyalists of Canada. We have not all got pictures
of our forefathers so indelibly stamped with honorable
wounds upon the cheek. But in one other family a " forget
me not " was preserved, in the shape of a certain garment for
the extremities, which had a bayonet hole too in the vicinity
of the cheek ; but the fact of the trousers not being a Sunday
29
pair, and the hole so unfortunately situated, it was never
looked upon with any great pride by the descendants, who
always thought with regret, if Great Great Grand Pa had
only retired with his face to the foe. But since then, an in-
ventive young member of the family pulled the o\di pants out
of the garret, cut out the wound and neatly patched it into
a most respectable waistcoat just over the heart. This
may look well and sound well, and all that, but it hardly
tallys with the fact of the old loyalist having sired a large
family after his sad end.
Let every U. E. Loyalist descendant, at least, strive by
every means in his power, to make us ready and prepared
to resist any attempt to drive us out, now that we have
made Canada what it is, for remember that we can go no
further north.
As a segment of the British Empire, we are, of course,
part of the British Lion, and though the part we represent
may be situated near the tail, it is just that particularly
sensitive portion of the noble beast on which intruders are
cautioned not to tread.
" We don't want to fight, but, by jingo ! if we do," we
ought to have our little army as perfect as possible, to
make up for its deficiency in numbers.