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 1 2 3 
 
 1 
 
 2 
 
 3 
 
 4 
 
 5 
 
 6 
 
^.'i 
 
 CA] 
 
T 
 
 W 
 
 M-^- 
 
 ■m<i 
 
 THE 
 
 VICEROY'S DREAM, 
 
 OR THE 
 
 CANADIAN GOVERNMENT NOT "WIDE AWAKE." 
 
 ,^*--' 
 
 
 i 
 
 : ,,^ '^f. ^■' 
 
 
 
 
jsii- 
 
 n 
 
ir 
 
 '6 
 
 iHE 
 
 
 VICEROY'S DREAM, 
 
 OR THE 
 
 ■i^:^' ■ 
 
 I's* imiHi':'': 
 
 CANADIAN GOVERNMENT NOT "WIDE AWAKE." 
 
 
 A MONO-DRAMATIOO-POLITICAL POEM. 
 
 !:.- i.> 
 
 > -*■ -s . '^, 
 
 BY LYNCH LAWDON SHARPE. 
 
 \::U'^'-^7':X- . LONDON: 
 
 WHITTAKER AND CO.; BELLERBY, YORK; CROSS AND 
 
 HARRISON, LEEDS. 
 
 1838. . . 
 
IT 
 
 PERSONS. 
 
 His Excellency the Governor-General, Vice-Admiral, and 
 Capta- i-General of her Majesty's North American Pro- 
 vinces, and Viceroy in Canada^ ..-,,-■■ ,, 
 
 Gibbon, } q^j^^Iq^^^ in waiting on the Viceroy. 
 
 TCRTLE, ) 
 
 Splash, a Domestic Artist. 
 
 Apparitions of Lords Brougham, Melbourne, Glenelg, and 
 
 John Russell. 
 Physician. 
 Delegates, and others; Servants and Attendants. 
 
 The Scene is laid in the Viceregal Residence at Quebec. 
 
F 
 
 THE VICEROY'S DREAM. 
 
 .' '"i 
 
 SCENE I. 
 
 Antc-charaber to the Viceroy's sleeping apartment, in the 
 Viceregal residence. — ^Time — midnight. 
 
 Turtle and Gibbon discovered playing at dominoes. 
 
 Gibbon. See, how you lay that piece amiss ! 
 
 Turtle. Amiss? — 
 
 'Tis double cinque^ and cinque-deuce joined to that. 
 
 Gib. True ! but observe the mimic line we draw, 
 To represent the ramparts of Quebec. 
 Thus far our game did trace the walls which stretch, 
 With devious angles, right athwart the neck 
 Of this peninsula : — but now you break 
 The rule of fortification and defence. 
 By laying down your pieces like a child 
 Who plays for pastime merely, caring naught 
 For bastion, angle, flank, or battery, 
 And anxious only to play out the play. 
 
 TuRT. Why, so would I. 
 
 Gib. Not thus are we enjoined 
 
 To waste our sport : his Excellency bids. 
 That, as we wile an hour away in play. 
 We make the game subservient to some profit, 
 Blending the useful with the pleasant; and 
 As ^sop learned to moralize at taws. 
 We likewise make our duties here a sport. 
 Acquiring knowledge of the colony. 
 Whereof we know so little ; Shame upon us ! 
 If to the mother country we return 
 As ignorant as we came. I wish t' acquire 
 A general knowledge of the sticngth and state 
 Of our defences here, in case a row. 
 Despite the Viceroy's potent ordinances, 
 
 A 2 
 
41 
 
 Arise next winter in the colony. 
 
 Hence, do you see? — in games of dominoe'! 
 
 I seek the science which I lack the most. 
 
 Some uses of stone walls I know ; but this, — 
 
 The art of keeping- men outside the wall, — 
 
 Is new to my unpractised intellect. 
 
 Why, Turty, you're asleep ! 
 
 TuRT. Nay, I but mused 
 
 On a new project for an ordinance. 
 
 Gib. Your scheme to hang or banish traitors fir»ty 
 And try them after, if convenient. 
 Bespoke true genius, such as well befits 
 The shrewd adviser of a despot bound 
 By no restraint of mean and vulgar law. 
 What new device is hatching in your braiu ? 
 
 TuRT. A simple plan, — yet popular, I ween. 
 How many wretched couples^ man and wife, — 
 Say rather, mutual torments, — groan beneath 
 The inexorable bondage of a yoke 
 Themselves imposed ; — conventional bond> 
 The parent often of conventional crime. 
 Dost take me, Gibby I — Let the Viceroy give 
 A proclamation to the eflFect that all 
 Who wish may be released from marriage vows ; — 
 An amnesty, in short, of wedlock. 
 
 Gib. Ah ! 
 
 TuRT. A sweet oblivion of the past, a plain 
 Legal non-recognition of a union 
 To either party grown distasteful, or 
 For one more luring scorned. This cannot fail 
 To please the multitude ; and scandal's mouth 
 Will be ystopped, and conscience rendered free ; 
 Nor taunts, nor sharp compunctious visitings — 
 — What was that sound ? 
 
 Gib. His Excellency's snore 1 
 
 I know it well. Sir, and well pleased I hear ; 
 For 'tis the signal sends us both to bed. 
 So long as doth the ncble Viceroy wake, 
 
5 
 
 t)ur duty keeps us here ; but when he sleeps, 
 And Morpheus winds his Lordship's nasal trombone 
 "With deep sonorous note, our watch is done. — [about toretire.'] 
 Good night ! — ^be sure, don't blow the candle out, 
 But use the extinguisher ; for should the stench 
 Steal through the keyhole and assail the nose 
 Viceregal, 'tis an incense will incense 
 His delicate organ with a sense of fury. 
 And rouse hiin, though he slept as sound a sleep 
 As fifty of Glenelg's condensed in one. [Exit.] 
 TuRT. (musingly) Yes, yes ! — the marriage ordinance is 
 the thing ! 
 *Twill serve a double purpose ; first to win 
 The popular applause (vile humbug !), for 
 It cannot but be grateful to the crowd 
 Of luckless Benedicks to be again 
 Free as their will to mate as pleases best : — 
 But chiefly, that it will obliterate 
 Odious distinctions, doth it like me well. 
 For why should he, who hath the heart to brave 
 Laws and fastidious virtue in pursuit 
 Of his own wishes, to eternal fame 
 Be vilely damned ; while in those craven fools, 
 Who would but dare not, — strait necessity 
 Is virtue, and constrained morality 
 A paltry counterfeit of decency ? 
 Out on the hateful law ! Is that true valour 
 "Which makes the soldier face the enemy, 
 Because his captain stands behind prepared 
 To shoot him if he turn ? Why should we tether 
 Their feet who wish to run the devil's race, 
 And then pretend to know the fleetest step ? — 
 O, we must have this custom well reformed ! [Exit.l 
 
 SCENE IL 
 
 The Viceroy's sleeping apartment, sumptuously furnished. 
 At the extremity of the scene is an open recess illuminated 
 with a lamp, which is, however, hid from the spectator's 
 
eye. His Excellency is discovered asleep on n couch 
 beneath a canopy richly emblazoned with the viceregal 
 symbols and arms. 
 
 Music plays, at first soft and soothing in its strain ; then 
 changing its character in accordance with the changes in 
 the representation of the vision. 
 
 The Viceroy begins to show symptoms of restlessness 
 which gradually increases upon him. 
 
 Enter, from the recess, the Apparition of Lord 
 Brougham ; it approaches the Viceroy's couch, and shakes 
 its head ominously over the restless sleeper, whose disturb- 
 ance grows more intense. The Apparition then draws from 
 its coat pocket a roll of parchment, and partly opening it, 
 points to the word " Ordinances." The Viceroy 
 attempts to clutch the scroll, but the Apparition eludes 
 his grasp, and unfolding the roll further points to the words 
 ** Habeas Corpus ;" then to the words " Condemnation 
 WITHOUT Trial, Illegal ;" and at last, with a Sardonic 
 grin, displays the word " Murder." The Viceroy again 
 attempts to snatch the parchment, but in vain, and the 
 Apparition deliberately folds it up and returns it to its 
 pocket, from whence it draws a miniature gibbet, which it 
 waves threateningly over the sleeper''s couch for a few 
 moments, and then makes a feint of putting the halter round 
 the neck of the Viceroy, who utters a shriek and hides hiit 
 face in the coverlid. After putting on several jeering 
 grimaces and playing a few grotesque antics, the Appa- 
 rition puts the gibbet out of sight, and commences patting 
 the shoulder of the Viceroy in a coaxing manner, and as 
 soon as the latter ventures to look up again, it smiles and 
 nods graciously, while it draws a scroll from its right-hand 
 breeches' pocket, and opening it, exhibits the words " Act 
 OF Inpemnity." Tlie Viceroy attempts with an indig- 
 nant foot to kick the scroll out of the hand of the Appari- 
 tion, which nimbly skips out of the way, and dancing ivith 
 comic capers into the recess, turns a sneering aspect towards 
 the Viceroy with its thumb to its nose and its fingers spread 
 out, as in the operation called ^Uaking a sight, ^^ anddisay 
 pears. Music ceases. 
 
 4) 
 
 1 
 
couch 
 ceicgal 
 
 t ; then 
 n<jes in 
 
 tlessness 
 
 f Lord 
 I shakes 
 disiurh- 
 ws from 
 ming ity 
 '^ICEROY 
 N eludes 
 he words 
 
 dNATlON 
 
 Sardonic 
 ,oY again 
 
 and the 
 i it to its 
 
 which it 
 w a few 
 Iter round 
 \ hides his 
 al jeering 
 he Appa- 
 '.es patting 
 er, and as 
 smiles and 
 right-hand 
 rds "Act 
 h an indig- 
 e Appari- 
 mcing with 
 ect towards 
 igers spread jP 
 
 and disii; 
 
 Viceroy, f Sitting up in bed. J Again that frightful 
 bpectre haunts my sleep ! 
 Surely I did but dream : — yet wherefore dream 
 So potently ? and thrice repeated too, 
 These three successive nights ! At first methought 
 'Twas but a passing freak of playful Mab : 
 And when again next night it came, I deemed 
 My supper with the Delegates oppressed 
 My stomach, leaden indigestion 
 Loading my bosom, like a brooding toad. 
 Hatching vile fancies in my fevered brain. 
 But yesternight I supp'd not, — nay, all day 
 J. fed most lightly, and at early morn 
 Had taken a wholesome tonic to restore 
 The healthful action of the gastric juice, 
 The liver stimulate and free the bile ; — 
 But still this night-mare spectre comes again. 
 And with more hon-id semblance of the truth. 
 I'll have a dose of calomel to-morrow ; 
 And to divert my mind will study well 
 How best the Constitution to amend 
 Of Canada and my own. f Fawns J Sleep, gentle sleep. 
 Nature's soft nurse, why dost thou frighten me. 
 That I no sooner close my eyelids down. 
 To steep my senses in forgetfulness. 
 Than thou dost conjure up some fearful dream, 
 Like the hobgoblin tales of narseries 
 "Which other nurses fright poor babes withal ? 
 Why feringst thou yonder rude imperious Lord, 
 Who in the visitation of a dream 
 Takes me just like a ruffian by the top. 
 Clawing my sacred head, and hanging me, 
 'Mid saucy laughter, on a shadowy gibbet, 
 That in a flurry a Viceroy awakes ? 
 Canst thou, O partial sleep, give thy repose 
 To tripe-fed labomers without a dream ; 
 And upon quinine and most delicate fare, 
 {Unless with spectral visions Ico'rible,) 
 
I 
 
 _ k 
 
 
 Deny it to a Governor-General ? 
 Heigho ! unhappy King-depute, lie down ! 
 Uneasy lies a Viceroy's aching crown ! flies down again and 
 sleeps. Music plays. J 
 
 Enter the Apparition of Lord Melbourne, holding a 
 black mask to its face. It approaches the Viceroy's 
 couch. Music ceases. 
 
 Viceroy, (starting up into a sitting posture ^ and glaring 
 wildly. 
 Again hast found me, O mine enemy ? 
 Avaunt ! foul spectre ; out ! out of my sight ! — 
 (The Apparition waves its hand.) 
 Nay, an thou wilt not go, take off thy mask. 
 And show thy hated feature : — mock me not 
 With sham forbearance and feigned tenderness, 
 As thou wouldst spare to blast my eye again 
 With th' ice-cold sneer I saw erewhile ! reveal 
 Thy gibbet-looking front ! aye, do thy worst, — 
 Unmask ! — not worse than my ideal glance 
 Through that dark visor's ill-decorous shroud, 
 Can the real thing appear. Unmask, I say ! 
 
 Appar. Compose yourself. 
 
 Vice. That voice ? — it is noi his ! 
 
 Who art thou ? speak again ! the very sound 
 Of any voice, save his, is soothing. Speak ! 
 
 Appar. In me, thou, Lambton, thy Good Genius seest, 
 Sent hither to awarn thee what behoves 
 Thee well to know. — You do remember Brougham — 
 
 Vice. Remember ! — Who forgets ? — His caustiv look 
 Hath scorched a spectrum on ray optic nerve 
 Never to be erased. 
 
 Appar. Prepare to hear !— 
 
 Soon as the news of your famed Ordinance 
 About those rascal traitors — 
 
 Vice. Gentlemen all, ^jelicve me. 
 
 Appar. Well, well ! — soon as the news arrived at home, 
 That pestilent and speech-pugnacious lord 
 Raised an infernal shine in Parliumcnt, 
 
9 
 
 Aven-ing that illegal were your acts, 
 And you amenable to punishment. 
 
 Vice. Me \—me " amenable" ? — " illegal" too ? — 
 
 Appar. Of habeas corpus, then, he raved; and swore, 
 If that your Excellency hanged a knave 
 Untried, the act would murder be. 
 
 Vice. My stars ! 
 
 But he grows malapert, that prating Lord ! 
 Does he forget that I'm Dictator here. 
 Sent out to make new laws and to reform 
 The Constitution as I list ? Ye powers ! 
 The irreverent jester flouts the Majesty 
 O'th' Queen in me her representative. 
 Zounds ! Sir, am I Victoria's * whipping-boy,' 
 To take the cuffs and blows they dare not give 
 The Royal person ? 
 
 Appar. But, list, list, O list ! 
 
 Tlie scent thus found upon your Lordship's trail, 
 The hungry pack of Tory-Radicals, 
 Lyndhurst and Wellington at Brougham's heels, 
 Opened with deep-mouthed cry upon your track, 
 Savagely resolute to hunt you do\/n. 
 In vain I cried * hark back !' 
 
 Vice. You ! who are you ? — 
 
 Pray, how 's your Mother ? does she know you're out 
 So late to night ? You cried, ' hark back !' forsooth ? 
 You, then, were huntsman to the blood-hound pack ? 
 But tell me how my friends, the Ministry, behaved ; 
 How Melbourne, hew Glenelg, and how Lord John ? 
 
 A PPAR. What mortal Whigs could do, they did : who more, 
 No Whig is he : — they safely stood their ground, 
 And kept their places. 
 
 Vice, (eagerly) Beat the enemy 
 On a division ? 
 
 Appar. No, alas ! they praised 
 Your procbmation ; said it was supreme 
 In mercy and wisdom ; but so many flaws 
 Were in your Ordinance detected, that 
 
10 
 
 i 
 
 No power could save you : so to save themselves, 
 The Melbourne cabinet, changing sides, avowed 
 Your acts illegal, and advised the Queen 
 To disallow them : acquiescence was 
 Escape's sole outlet. 
 
 Vice. I am speechless — dumb. 
 
 Appar, To make amends, Lord Brougham proposed an act 
 Of full Indemnity, and cheerfully 
 In that we joined — 
 
 Vice. " We," Sir ?— who is 't says " we" ? 
 
 Unmask, I say again. 
 
 (Tlie Apparition lets drop the visors and falls sup- 
 pUantly, with folded hands, upon its knees.) 
 
 O, treacherous wretch ! 
 False wolf- whelp clothed in semblance of a lamb ! 
 In thee I looked for friendship, but find hate. 
 So should some diner at a table d'hotey 
 In early season of the opening Spring, 
 For lamb and sallad send his plate to one 
 He deemed his friend, and back the trencher came 
 With naught upon it but au offal slice, 
 Tainted or underdone, — would he not sigh, 
 " This was the most unkindest cut of all" ? 
 
 Appar. Pardon and your indulgence, Sir, I crave : 
 Though harsh the deed and seemingly unkind. 
 It could not, do believe me, well be helped. 
 
 Vice. Yet, as the hungry man would say, say I, 
 * You might have helped me better.' 
 
 Appar. No, 'pon Honour ! 
 
 Ask Lords Glcnelg and Johnny if we could, 
 
 Vice. O, curse 'cm ! 
 
 Appar. Let them speak t'ye for themselves. 
 
 [puts its fingers in its mouth and wliistles.] 
 
 Enter Apparitions o/Lord Glenelg and Lord John 
 Russell, the former habited in a dressing gown and night' 
 cap J the latter bearing a map of the world in its hand. 
 
 Second Appar. Hail potent Durham ! \Jcrteels.'\ 
 
 Third Aitar. Great Dictator, hail ! 
 
 [kneels behind an easy chair.] 
 
11 
 
 Vice. Pitiful statesmen, see your victim here ! ' 
 
 All the Appar. Not ours, but Fate's. 
 
 Vice, (to the 2nd ApparitionJ And what have you 
 
 to say, 
 Illy Lord Glenelg ? 
 
 2nd Appar. May't please your Highness, this : — 
 
 Had we stood up for you, vee'd been undone. 
 'Tis true I love my downy pillow, — love 
 A cabinet couch, or truckle bed of down ; 
 But had we boldly dared to oppose grim Vaux, 
 The Melbourne cabinet bad itself been dowrif 
 After a sort I do not love. Alas ! 
 How our hare misery would he felt ^ 
 The downy nap away ! 
 
 Vice Ah dozer ! 'tis 
 
 ' All round thy hat, when thy true love 's away.' — 
 May sleepless nights await thee ! 
 
 2nd Appar. Heaven forefend ! 
 
 3rd Appar. Sire ? would you hear me speak — 
 
 Vice. I hear ; but whence 
 
 That small voice comes I see not. 
 
 3rd Appar. I am here. 
 
 My Lord, behind the chair. 
 
 Vice. Then forward come, 
 
 Thou sneaker ; let me see thy face, if face 
 Thou hast to front me. [7%e Apparition advances on its 
 knees to a spot immediately behind the 2nd apparition.^ 
 
 Still I see thee not. 
 
 [to the second Apparition.] Sir Secretary of the Colonies, 
 Just move aside out of the line of sight 
 'Twixt him and me ; — I would not, though I could, 
 Look through you at this conscience-pricking hour. 
 
 [The second Apparition rises from the place where it was 
 kneeling^ and, retiring to the chair, sits down in it and falls 
 asleep.] 
 
 3rd Appar. My Lord, had but your Excellency heard 
 How much, on your behalf, in Parliament 
 I said, you would not in your passionate airs 
 
12 
 
 ll 
 
 Have thus lebuked us : was 't for this, my Lord, 
 
 That I did speak an hour by Shrexvsb'ry clock, 
 
 With all the Commons laughing in my face. 
 
 In praise of your deep prudence ? Was 't for this 
 
 I vowed, upon my ignorance, I knew 
 
 Nothing you 'd done amiss, and that, perchance. 
 
 If I were well aware of all the facts, 
 
 I could have shown how wise were all your deeds ? 
 
 Did I not valiantly aver 'twere better 
 
 To threaten men to hang them without law. 
 
 Than by the law to hang them without threat ? 
 
 Hither and thither in my speech I strayed ; 
 
 Pronounced I thought you right, confessed you wrong, — 
 
 Constrained to th' latter by my love of place. 
 
 To th' former by my conscience, [lays his hand on his heart.} 
 
 1st Appar. Hear him, hear ! 
 
 3rd Appar. With these impressions on my mind, I asked 
 The Commons' House to pass th' Indemnity. 
 
 Vice. May this indemnify thy head for that! [throws the 
 silver utensil at the apparition, but misses it.] 
 
 3rd Appar. Nay strike, but hear me ! Such poor weapons 
 are 
 The arguments of despots. I could weep 
 Rivers of tears, the Fo or Jordan full. 
 At your ingratitude for all my pains. 
 
 Vice. Better attempt to drink Niagara dry ! 
 
 3rd Appar. My Lord, my Lord, but deign to hear me out! 
 You scorn th' Indemnity, yet what a mess 
 Had you been in witliout it ! See this map : 
 You banish traitors to Bermuda, which 
 Lies not within your jurisdiction. 
 
 Vice. Well? 
 
 A happy quittance of bad company. 
 
 3rd Appar. The act was wise, I grant, — and said so too, — 
 But still illegal ; for we took th' opine 
 Of the most learn'd Attorney-General, 
 And he, with many a canny precedent, 
 Pronounced the same illegal. 
 
 Vice. 
 
 1 I<x)t, mon ! havers I 
 
13 
 
 3rd Appar. Your Lordship is facetious : but vouchsafe 
 The learned gentleman your ear awhile, — 
 I'll call him hither, with your gracious leave, [rises and is 
 about to retire.] 
 
 Vice. Hold, hold ! we '11 grant the question, for I feel 
 No wish to see Stratheden's Lady's Lord : 
 Enough of humbug have I seen to night. 
 
 3rd Appak. Nay, good my Lord, your words are passing 
 harsh. 
 Call you it * humbug,' when I did declare 
 Myself most ready, at whatever risk. 
 Your dictatorial powers to maintain, 
 As by necessity quite justified. 
 Though arbitrary and despotic some 
 Might call them ? Was it humbug, when I said. 
 That, at whatever peril. Government 
 Would meet rebellion and conspiracy ? 
 I was prepared to say. Sir, — looking at 
 The conduct of Lord Durham as a whole. 
 Believing him to be by deepest zeal 
 For the state's welfare animated, and 
 Averse from th' semblance of severity, — 
 That I was ready to take part with him, and share 
 His deep responsibility : — all this 
 I was prepared to say ; but lo ! dread sight ! 
 The opposition stared me in the face ; 
 And that, which of my own free will I spake, 
 By dire necessity was blasted quite. 
 
 Vice. O, blast ye all ! 
 
 1st Appar. Remember, Lambton dear. 
 
 Some of your former acts had bothered us : 
 We feared another row, if sturdily 
 This motion we resisted, lest the choice 
 Of T E M T— you know who, my Lord,— 
 For your adviser in the law, should breed 
 More mischief : — 'twas an awkward business, that ! 
 
 Vice. (Ironically) Innocent Lamb ! it was thyself didst 
 
 TEM/?T, 
 
f 
 
 IL't 
 
 I 
 
 14 
 
 But, from that evil, not deliver us. 
 
 3rd Appar. And, noble Viceroy, I assure you 'twas 
 With great reluctance that we disallowed 
 Your Ordinances, and your conduct damn'd. 
 Yet, notwithstanding this, — the sophistry, 
 Th' accumulated circumstances, and 
 Sarcastic bitterness, with friendship feigned, — 
 Yea, notwithstanding these, I boldly say 
 Has Durham of his country well deserved, 
 Well of his Queen, and of posterity. 
 
 Vice. For which deserts ye have deserted me I 
 Out ! Vampires, that would animate my corse 
 With spaniel heart to lick the foot that spurns. 
 Away ! avoid my sight, ye precious crew ! 
 ril meet you slwrtly in the House of Lords. 
 
 [Exeunt Apparitions of Lords Melbourne andJous 
 
 Russell. 
 Why lingers here that sleeper ? [phseriing the apparition of 
 Lord Glenelg in the chair.] 
 
 Does he know 
 The sound of cock-crow .-' If it is himself. 
 Here present in the body, flesh and blood. 
 He does not, I'll be bound : but if a ghost, 
 Perchance he may the signal recognise. 
 I'll try him: — Cock-o-leeryco ! {imitates the crowing of a 
 cock.] 
 
 Appar. [starting up.] That sound ! 
 
 'Tis chanticleer proclaims the matin nigh ; 
 
 I snuff the morning air, and must be gone. [Exit.] 
 
 The Viceroy lies down in bed, and seems to cotnpose himself 
 
 to sleep. 
 
 Enter again the Apparition o/Lord Brougham. 
 
 Vice, [muttering as in sleep.]. Yes, rogues, I'll meet you 
 
 in the House of Lords. 
 
 Appar. [pulling the clothes off the Viceroy's bed] 
 
 And where, your Lordship, will you deign meet me ? 
 
 Vice, [leaping off the couch and seizing a blunderbuss.] 
 
 Thee, spectre ? Where meet thee ?— At Wormwood Scrubb». 
 
15 
 
 John 
 rition of 
 
 ng of a 
 
 ? himself 
 
 lAM. 
 
 meet you 
 
 ] 
 ? 
 
 erhuss.'] 
 
 Scrubby. 
 
 \_Exit Apparition through the recess, hut after its dis- 
 appearance its shadow remains, as if cast by the lamp burning 
 within, upon the wall which appears at the back. 
 
 Viceroy, [replaces the blunderbuss on the table.'] 
 He's gone in haste ! [observes the shadow on the wall.] 
 
 What see I ? in such haste 
 Departed, that his shadow 's left behind I 
 Of such things have I read, but ne'er till now 
 Believed I. Figment of a hated form, 
 Follow thy substance, if it substance be 
 That owns thee : Out ! [throws his nightcap at the shadow.] 
 
 It moves not ! out, I say ! 
 What unreal mockery is this ? out, stain ! — 
 Or, if thou wilt abide a stigma there, 
 Tliis at the least shall hide thee from mine eye. 
 
 [draws a curtain in front of the recess.Ji 
 The morn sliall find an artist that must paint thee out. 
 'Would it were daylight ! Are the hours asleep. 
 And I alone awake ? Must I perforce, 
 Their proxy, keep the watches of the night ? 
 Is 't mine to be the universal Vice ? 
 Nature's soft nursemaid, I will once again 
 Woo thy embraces, [replaces the coverlid on the bed, and 
 tucks it carefully in on all sides.] 
 
 Let me make all tight. 
 And wrap me snugly in the counterpane, 
 That my unrest kick not the bed-clothes down. 
 Nor Vaux pull off the blanket in the dark, 
 To give me death of cold. — Distraught Viceroy ! [creepsinto 
 bed.] 
 [Music plays softly the air " We ''re a' noddin."] 
 
 SCENE III— The Antechamber as befork. 
 A bell rings sharply within. Enter hurriedly Gibbon 
 and Turtle. 
 
 Gib. His Excellency wakes betimes this morn. 
 Turt. Nay, most untimely wakes [yawns.] Scarce had I 
 closed 
 
16 
 
 11 
 
 My eyes in slumber, ere tliat cursed bell 
 
 Oped them again. I sleep but to endure 
 
 The agony of waking ; oyster like, 
 
 Gaping for food, and taking in the knife 
 
 That makes him food for others, [bell rings again.] 
 
 Gib. "What's the row ? 
 
 [Enter the Viceroy, wrapped in a dressing gown.] 
 
 Vice. Did you not hear that sound ? 
 
 Gib. [looking round with an air of surprise.] What 
 sound, my Lord ? 
 
 Vice. My bell ! 
 
 Gib. O yes, my Lord, I heard it. 
 
 Vice. Well? 
 
 And why not answer it ? 
 
 Gib. Your Lordship knows [bows.] 
 
 It is the regulation of the hall, 
 No master's bell to answer, till its sound 
 Hath ceabod to vibrate on the ear ; — a rule 
 Most wholesome, since it checks the hasty hand 
 Of hot impatience, teaching it to feel, 
 The greater is the hurry you display. 
 The less is ours. 
 
 Vice. O, mighty fine your words ! 
 
 Gib. My Lord, it is the rule; and should you ring 
 Continuous 'larums, still, in honour bound, 
 I by my order stand ; and though should fall 
 Heaven or the ceiling, I must t^U you plain, 
 The more you ring, the more we will not come ! 
 To pleasure you, much would I, but not this, [lays his hand 
 on his heart.] 
 
 Vice. Aye there 's the scrub ; — a vile impertinent crew, 
 Grown fat and insolent in place ! 'Tis this 
 That threatens to annul my Ordinance : 
 For when I summoned all The Hall to pass 
 That measure, though I tore the bell-rope down. 
 One loitered while the act was done ; and now 
 Lyndhurst and Vaux will say 'twas wrongly passed, 
 The Quorum not assembled, [turns away indignantly.] 
 
 I ha 
 His 
 I'll 
 Indi 
 
17 
 
 /?».] 
 
 What 
 
 IS.] 
 
 ing 
 
 IS his hand 
 lent crew, 
 
 ed, 
 ntly.] 
 
 ' V- Turtle, here ! . ' ' *' 
 
 [Turtle approaches the Viceroy, who is about to whisper 
 
 in his ear.] 
 Foh ! thou dost smell of cheese ! Wretch, didst thou sup — 
 
 TuRT. My Lord, I do confess, that overnight 
 A savoury hot Welsh Rabbit tempted me. 
 Vice. Bah ! could you sleep with such a load. 
 TuRT. I could 
 
 Have slept in spite of that, my Lord ; but yet, 
 Fearing that good digestion might not wait 
 On appetite, nor health on either, I 
 Of Durham mustard took a modicum. 
 The peptic process to assist ; and hoped, 
 Alas ! in vain, no savour would be left. 
 Vice. Rash man ! — didst wosh thy teeth ^ 
 TuRT. My Lord, I did. 
 
 Vice. You did ? 
 
 TuRT. Yes, with of porter just a quart. 
 
 Vice. Oh! Gibbon! [falls fainting into GiBBOJi' sarins. 
 Turtle offers to assist in supporting his 
 EoDcellency.'] 
 GiBB. Off! you see you've killed my Lord. 
 
 {Exit Gibbon dragging off the Viceroy.] 
 TuRT. [solus.'] This most untoward offence must be 
 
 repaired. 
 I have it ! — flattery must make amends. 
 His Lordship meets the Delegates to-day : — 
 I '11 have some banners blazoned with Initials 
 Indicative of noble epithets. [Exit.] 
 
 SCENE IV. — The Viceroy's Sleeping Apartment again. 
 
 TJie Viceroy and Gibbon discovered, the former reclin- 
 ing in the easy chair, sipping a cordial. 
 
 Gib. I'll fetch the Doctor. 
 
 Vice. Send a Painter first. [Exit Gibbon.] 
 
 [The Viceroy rises and looks towards the curtain drawn 
 in front of the Recess.] 
 Yes, yes ! that hated blot upon the wall 
 
18 
 
 Shall first be 'rased. Thence conies the worser part 
 Of my distemper ; thence this mad distress. 
 Maddening is service of refractory slaves, 
 Odious are cheese and porter — Ugh ! — but worse, 
 Far worse, that horrid phantom's phantom shade. 
 If paint can do it, paint shall do it out. 
 
 [Re-enter Gibbon, introducing Splash.] 
 
 Gib. Your Excellency, let me introduce 
 This eminent artist, Mr. Splash, [bows.] 
 
 Vice. A name 
 
 Familiar: leave us. Gibbon, leave the room. [Exit GiBBOJi .J 
 [ 7b Splash.] An artist. Sir, and eminent ! — perchance 
 We '11 test your eftes*. skill. — Pray, could you match, 
 With imitative colour, the most bright 
 Or delicate tint within the Rainbow's arch ? 
 Or from the iris of a blue-eyed maid 
 The azure hue most faithfully repeat ? 
 Say, could you mimic well the green, or blue, 
 Or dazzling sheen upon old Ocejin's face, 
 So true that one might swear you dipp'd your brush 
 Into the very wave you copied ? Or 
 Can you prolong the stain of mildewed wall, 
 That the damp blotch no longer be discerned ? — 
 Most cunning artist, can you paint thus nice ? 
 
 Splash. Sire, to the shadow of a shade. 
 
 Vice. 'Tis well, 
 
 For a shade's shadow you must paint. Behold [draws aside 
 
 the curtain before the Recess.] 
 'Tis gone !— yet fixed indelible I saw 't : 
 That was no dream ; but now it mocks my search : 
 Fnlse egotistic limner ! 
 
 Splash. Do you speak to me. 
 
 My Lord ? 
 
 Vice. No, no ! — But I must find a job 
 For this poor dauber to perform : if not. 
 He '11 think the Governor- General is crazed. — [aside.] 
 Good Sir, this is the countenance that asks 
 Your skill, [points to his own cheek, and sits in the chair.] 
 
 To 
 
 On 
 
19 
 
 xIBBON.l 
 
 >nce 
 
 ish 
 
 iraws aside 
 the Recess.] 
 
 1 : 
 
 mde.] 
 the chair.1 
 
 Splash, [in consternation.'] Good gracious ! please yomr 
 Lordship, I 
 Was ne'er a portrait-painter in my life. 
 1 'm an Internal Decorator, and 
 At odd times a White washer. 
 
 Vice. That will do, 
 
 If, as you boasted, you can match the tint 
 Of azure sky with matchless mimicry. 
 Paint but the colour of this cheek with truth ; 
 'Tis ail I want : — a bilious humour creeps 
 Into my system, and I fain would watch 
 Its daily progress by some accurate gage 
 And certain observation ; naught so well 
 As the complexion's changes will reveal it. 
 You understand ? Each morn you take the hue 
 And yellow as you find it, paint it down 
 On cards, and thus make sure comparison. 
 Can you do this ? 
 
 Splash. My stock of ochre's short. 
 
 Vice. Will gamboge do ? 
 
 Splash. It may upon a pinch. 
 
 Vice. Then mix your colour from these pills. 
 
 [Takes from a drawer a large case of pill-boxes.] 
 
 Dont stare ! 
 They 're Morison's, numbers one and two : in them 
 Gamboge enough to jaundice a whole host. 
 
 [Re-enter Gibbon toith a Physician.] 
 
 GiBB. The Doctor, please your Lordship. 
 
 Physician. Much I grieve 
 
 To hear your Excellency 's indisposed — 
 
 Vice. For this intrusion. 
 
 Phys. Nay, my Lord, I come 
 
 On your own summons : — let me feel your pulse. 
 [Approaches and sees the pill-boxes.] 
 Good heavens ! what have we here ? — l^Iy Lord, my Lord, 
 Are you addicted to that thorough poison ? 
 
 Vice. Psha, psha ! 'tis but a box of paints :— proceed 
 To feel ray pulse and contemplate my tongue. 
 
 b2 
 
r 
 
 .i 
 
 ,1 
 
 SO 
 
 . Phys: Dyspeptic, Sire, dyspeptic : — do you sleep 
 With pain ? 
 
 Vice, [groaning.] I do. 
 
 Phys. Your Lordship, then, must take 
 
 Three quarters of an ounce of Cheshire cheese. 
 
 Vice. Of cheese? 
 
 Phys. You must ! and be it well decayed, 
 
 Tasty and odoriferous. 
 
 Vice. 'Twill kill me ! 
 
 Phys. O no ! itself most indigestible, 
 It doth provoke the languid stomach's powers, 
 By burly challenge to a tough debate ; 
 And then the lazy organ, which before 
 Did dally triflingly with lighter food. 
 Perceives a labour worthy of its strength, 
 And girds it to the task :— just so the world : — 
 While Canada rebelled in words alone, 
 Troubling the empire with disloyal speech, 
 A feeble Gosford was the only force 
 That Britain used : but, civil dudgeon grown 
 To rank and ill-to-be-digested war, 
 The British Lion got his stomach up, 
 And mightily sent forth his strength and you. [makes a most 
 profound bow.] 
 
 Vice. I '11 take the cheese. 
 
 Phys. Your Lordship will do well. 
 
 [bows again and exit.] 
 [Enter Turtle in haste and with an appearance of alarm, 
 holding a Times newspaper in his hand.] 
 
 Vice. What trouble now ? 
 
 TuRT. Such as you will not like, 
 
 My generous Lord. 
 
 Vice, (averting his face and extending his hand.) I 
 know — it is the che t ^e 
 
 TuRT. (holding a napkin to his mouth) You shall not 
 
 smell it ; but, my Lord, read that ! (presents 
 
 the newspaper^ which the Viceroy takes and peruses.) 
 
 Vit'E. What do I sec ? — my Ordinance pronounced 
 
21 
 
 Illegal! — with advice of Ministers, ' • • ' 
 
 hy Queen Yictoxioi disallowed I — an Act . • - 
 
 (And by Lord Brougham too) of Indemnity ! 
 My very dream ! — Yet hold ! — 'tis but the Times, ., * 
 Mine ancient and most hateful enemy, 
 Concocting figments to disturb my peace. 
 I '11 not believe a word on 't. ('throws the paper aside. J 
 TuRT, (drawing another paper from his pocket. J 
 
 Ah ! ray Lord, 
 The Grunticle and Globe repeat the same. 
 
 Vice. The d — 1 they do ! — then I 'm a ruined man ! — 
 But no ! it ne'er of Lambton shall be said 
 He winced or quailed ! — Go Turtle, — Gibbon, go ! 
 Without delay pack up my baggage, — quick ! 
 And bring me my pea-jacket, and my boots, 
 My hat, and neck-shawl, and et-cceteras. (Exeunt Gibbon 
 
 and Turtle J 
 By the first ship I '11 sail, nor here remain 
 Another hour. 
 
 Splash. Your Lordship's colour shall I take ? 
 Vice. Beshrew the colour ! I will take it home 
 To scare Lords Melbourne and Glenelg withal. 
 
 (Re-enter Turtle tvith travelling habiliments.) 
 TuRT. Your Excellency please, the Delegates 
 Await your pleasure in the Presence Hall. 
 Vice. O hang 'em ! 
 
 TuRT. Will your Lord-' Ip choose to sign 
 
 Tlie order for their execution ? 
 
 Vice. Zounds ! 
 
 I'm not in earnest : — what a coil you 'd make !— 
 Yet I will meet them, and take civil leave. 
 (The Viceroy having indued himself, with Turtle's as- 
 sistance, in all the personal paraphernalia of a journey. 
 Exeunt omnesj 
 
 SCENE v.— The Presence Hall. 
 A throne and three Banners respectively inscribed with 
 the letters P. P. C— P. D. A.— and D. I. O. 
 
Si 
 
 ';!■ 
 
 l! ■' • 
 
 TTl 
 
 Gibbon and Delegates discovered in conversation. 
 
 GiBB. His Excellency comes ! prepared you see 
 For travelling : — ^be sure y speak the speech 
 As I propounded it ; and stand aside 
 In deferential order as I taught. fThe Delegates arrange 
 themselves on each side of the throne.) 
 
 Enter Viceroy and Turtle ; Servants following 
 with trunks^ carpet-hags, hand-boxes and various packages : 
 his Excellency stands in front of the throne^ hut does not 
 take his seat : all the Delegates bow profoundly, and the 
 Viceroy returns the compliment graciously but with a 
 solemn and melancholy air. 
 
 1st Delegate. May 't please your Lordship, — we are 
 sorry — very — 
 That you are ofif so soon. 
 
 Omnes. Indeed, we are ! 
 
 1st Del, The rumour met us as we hither came. 
 Like cries of " Fire !" repeated through the town, 
 Spreading alarm, and breaking ope in haste 
 The copious water-plugs of all our eyes. [Jlent Omnes.] 
 Yet scarce believed we, till assembled here 
 Those symbols of leave-taking we beheld, [^points to the 
 banners,] 
 
 Vice, Agh ! who has been so busy with our grief, 
 To blaze it thus before the general eye ? 
 
 TuRT. My Lord, I am dumb-foundered at the sight, 
 And ne'er till now perceived the sad intent 
 Of those initials valedictory. 
 
 But know the meaning I designed ; for this [points toP.P.C] 
 Reads " Patrite, Populi Custos^' — 
 
 V^ice. [sharply.] Gaoler? Eh? 
 
 TuRT. No, — Guardian, fiirel And thk [points to P. D.A.] 
 " Pnesidium, 
 Dccus, Auxilium ;" — and " D. I. 0." 
 Is pregnant with a twin significance; — 
 " Durham, Imperic Opifer^'' — or ihus 
 Read " Instnuraior Orbis /" [uproarious cheers from the 
 Delegates.] 
 
 (( 
 
33 
 
 Vice, [valde rommotits.] Good, my friends i 
 'Tis ti-ue I would have been all this, and more. 
 If more were needed and permitted. Nay ! 
 I had not shrunk to take the world in hand, 
 If that my country called me thereunto. 
 I did assume the government of these 
 The Provinces of North America, 
 With predetermination to provide lOr all 
 Future prosperity and welfare ; and, 
 Naught doubting, in three little months have I 
 Restored — such as it is — tranquillity : 
 Substantial justice — though it was not law — 
 I lave administered ; and now was I 
 Upon the point to promulgate such laws 
 As would the Nativos have astonished quite, 
 And saved the British interests — and our own. 
 In this, I trust, most useful course, a branch 
 0' th' British Parliament hath interfered ; 
 (I need not tell you 'twas impertinent !) 
 Th' responsible advisers of the Crown, 
 In such a meddling interference have 
 Deemed right to acquiesce : so I resign 
 That POWER which now is into weakness turned. 
 And rendered totally inadequate 
 To th' grave emergency that called it forth, [groans from 
 
 the Delegates.] 
 'Twas not surprising that Lord Brougham, and those 
 Who act with him, should try to mar my schemes. 
 But, Sirs, I've been put down and sacrificed, 
 Yea ! by my friends ! — by those who should have stood 
 In my dofence against mine enemies, [weeps.] 
 For Ministers, in persecution's hour, 
 'Twas duty to support me, not to join 
 My bitter foes in striking at my head. 
 
 [Shouts of the populace without, cries of " Durham !" — 
 " Vive le Gouverneur !" — " Down with the House of Lords !" 
 — " Vive milord Brum !" — " Victoria for ever !" — " Sacre 
 bleu!" — " Huzzah for Engl«nd!"— " Vive la Nation Cana- 
 
34 
 
 I' 
 
 M 
 
 «!-;i 
 
 m 
 
 y 
 
 
 flienne!" A window being thrown open, the Viceroy 
 
 proceeds to address the People.] 
 
 My friends and ever loyal Colonists ! 
 
 I'm off ! — for all my acts are damned, — decreed 
 
 By the whole British Senate, and confessed 
 
 By William Lamb, to be illegal : aye ! 
 
 And I'm insulted with indemnities. 
 
 Yei nothing disrespectful do I mean 
 
 To either Ministers or House of Lords. 
 
 But you have been so kind, I can't withhold, 
 
 From gentlemen like you, the honest truth, 
 
 Secure that, in your well tried loyalty 
 
 And warm attachment to the British Crown, [cries without 
 
 " Vive la Libert^ !"] 
 You never will abuse my confidence. 
 I came not hither unassured the Queen 
 Did delegate to me despotic power : 
 And much I deemed it would conduce to good, 
 My free unfettered Will should stand for law, — 
 For sound substantial policy, my Fiat. 
 For what could mean my sounding titles less — 
 " Governor-General," " High Commissioner," 
 " Dictator," and the Lord knows what beside — 
 What less could all these mean than despot power ? 
 Yet when I " tried it on," it would not fit. [ironical cheers 
 
 from the French woh.^ 
 My expectations have been disappointed 
 Most painfully ; for woful ignorance rules 
 At home, where to incessant criticism 
 My most rainut ^ details have been exposed. 
 My powers by system all depreciated. — [cries without, " Vive 
 
 milor de Brummagem !"] 
 Then the State Prisoners troubled me : not mine 
 Of such canaille to have the odious care : 
 But I resolved to make short work of them. 
 Judicial process would have vexed afresh 
 The public mind, have shown the sympathy 
 Of multitudes with bold rebellion, 
 
CEROY 
 
 without 
 
 I cheers 
 
 !, " Vive 
 
 25 
 
 And given assurance of impunity 
 
 For guilt political : the disaflfect 
 
 Seeing the leaders free, would look on them 
 
 As innocent victims to vindictive charge, [cheers from the 
 
 French mob.] 
 And false imprisonment. These mischiefs I 
 Was hound t' avert, and would have done it too ; 
 But I was thwarted : mischief 'light on them 
 Whose acts permit the traitors to return 
 And raise another row ! Not mine the fault : [cries withoutf 
 
 " Vive la lioerte !"] 
 Not I encourage f ^^h rebellion, no ! 
 But if it comes, — it comes : I wash my hands 
 Of what ensues : I've striven to cement 
 British connexion ; loose it now who will, [cries, " Vive le 
 
 citoyen Lambton !"] 
 I've gained approval of th' United States 
 (A gratifying compliment !) ; I have 
 The plaudits of my conscience and of you. [cheers mid groans 
 
 intermixed.] 
 Britain alone condemns what all commend. 
 Observe, I say it not — I do not say, 
 That Britain is unworthy now 
 Of your allegiance ; — no ! I say it not. 
 The Queen's Advisers and the Senate all 
 Are honourable men ; yea, all, all most — 
 Most honourable men ! — but me and you 
 Th-^y 've treated vilely. — Yet I tell you this. 
 Ne'er from the Mother Country separate ! — 
 " The anchor's weighed, or I would tell ye more." [confused 
 
 huhhuh and cheers. Curtain falls.] 
 
 H. BELLEBBV, PKINTEB, CAZETTE-OFFICE, YORK.