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 iiSj two aotSs, 
 
 i'^V^it'l'-: 
 
 ENTITLED^ ' 
 
 OR, 
 
 A Gmadian Carnival, 
 
 WRITTEN BY 
 
 J. 
 
 N. MClLWitlTH, 
 
 i" JEAN rOHSYTH.") 
 
 C0Bi|POSEE> .S¥ ' 
 
 J. E. P ALDOUS, B. A. 
 
 .---^^i^-^t,, 
 
 DEOICAtEO TO THE CANADIAN CLUB, OF HAWILTON, 6nTAR|0. 
 
 HAMILTON r 
 
 Si'ECllATOR EKIN'l'ING t'OJlPANV 
 
 lf^9l- 
 
 UNfV£RSfTy OF TOU 
 
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 '^,. 
 
 Cleanliness^ I'^rompiness and Qualii 
 are miere we Shine. 
 
 f4V 
 
 yii 
 
 ■'» 
 
 HAZELL & SON 
 
 Famiiy Grocers 
 
 OlUI (OO \ w MAIN AND WENTWORTH STS. 
 
 Hamilton, Ont. 
 
 ■".'.. •..■.. i ii'iiki'ti'rfi.'i r ss 
 
 : ry .•■■■.r ■-: ==a= 
 
 ■-r 
 
 LEADING 
 BOOK AND STATIONERY 
 
 HOUSE. 
 
 We recommend the following lines of STATIONERY : 
 
 SiLURUN, KOVAL TSLLUM, 
 
 kliDlyffiTAIi, LYON'g PARCHHENT, GKNVIHB 
 
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 lYy them when next you n^ed. Stationery, ydu Trill find them satisfadl 
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 J. .EASTWOOD <^. 00^ V 
 
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=*=;. -. 
 
 . - ) 
 
 An Original (]omic Opera, 
 
 IN TWO ACTS, 
 
 •*,*i- 
 
 ENTITLED 
 
 PTARMIGAN; 
 
 '/'■ 
 
 
 oil, 
 
 ^ ; U!*'i •ii; jli: 
 
 A CANADIAN CARNIVAL "■ •'/^r'^-^ 
 
 •■«««/«f.W„,,.»^,;^^ 
 
 WRITTEN BY 
 
 COMPOSED BY 
 
 J. N. MCILWRAITH. 
 
 J. E. P. ALDOUS, B. A. 
 
 ,31 
 
 DEDICATED TO THE CANADIAN CLUB OF HAMILTON, ONT. 
 
 Entered according to Act of the Parliament of Canada, in the year eighteen hundred 
 and ninety-Hve, by J. N. McIlwraith, at the Department of Agriculture. 
 
 HAMILTON, ONT.: 
 
 SPECTATOR PKINTINO COMPANY. 
 
 1895. 
 
 'Ml 
 
 ./s> 
 
 UNIVERSIIY OF TORONTO 
 
 EDWARD JOHNSO 
 MUSIC UBRARY 
 
 -^..y 
 
ly^i 
 
 Produoed Undtr the Mitsloal Olreotion of the Gompottr In the Grand Opera 
 HouHi. Hamilton, Feb. 15th and 18th, 1895. 
 
 ML 
 
 ff^.^-p, PTARMIGAN; 
 
 K 
 
 
 OB, 
 
 CANADIyVN CARNIVAL. 
 
 Sci 
 
 Dramatis Persona;. 
 
 French Canadiana, in love with British Bnle. 
 
 J'tarmkun, an Unconscious Villain, in lova with Maple Leaf. 
 
 Bob o'I ink, of the Bank of Montreal, aUo i.a love with Maple Leaf. 
 
 HoAiN, a Muscular Musician, in love with Tiilliuin. 
 
 Hy. Holpeb, Lieutennut of Volunteers, in love with Blue Belle. 
 
 Dick Cihsel, a Medical Student, in love with bis Profession. 
 
 Ali. LOUKTTE, 
 Co J. BEAU, 
 
 WiB-KA-TjAN, the Canada Jay— an Indian. 
 Tbiu.ivm, a Cultured Amateur, in love with Beethoven. 
 Blub Bilm, a Wealthy Wido^? of literary tastes, in love with Browning. 
 Hbp.4TI(;a, representing the " Herald" — a " New Woman." 
 Maple Leaf, an Athletic Cnnadieiin:-, in love with her Country. 
 Chorus of Snow Shoers, Tobogganers, ^ioldicrs, eto. 
 
 ■ . A. 
 
 ■ i Act. L— a Wintry Landscape. 
 
 AcT.jlI. — The Drawing Boorn of Blue Belie. 
 
 The action takes flaco during an afternoon and evening of a CnnadiaD 
 I Winter Carnival. 
 
 I 
 but 
 
 I 
 nev 
 
 ] 
 
 if! 
 aft< 
 
itra 
 
 PTARMIGAN; 
 
 /! 
 
 OR, 
 
 A CANADIAN CARNIVAL 
 
 .L. 
 
 if. 
 
 ming. 
 
 ACT I. j 
 
 Scene — Wintry Landscape near Toboggan Slide. Camp Fire in rack- 
 ground. A light snow falling, „j. 
 
 Enter Hy. Holder, Dick Cissel and Snow Shoe Club. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 All hail to the season that hides the ground 
 
 'Neath a comforter deep ol snow ! 
 With our snow shoes on we can tramp around 
 The fields and the forests where health is found. 
 
 And merrily sing as we go. 
 
 Here's that ! For the man who can stay indoors ' I 
 When the crust will bear his weight. ! 
 
 He's in love with the books over which he pores. 
 
 But far above learning our spirit soars, 
 For the snow shoer's lord of his fate. 
 
 O'er the snow-covered fences we gaily speed, 
 
 O'er the frozen ponds and creeks. 
 When we come to an icy hill — take heed ! 
 Drop down on the snow shoes, they're wings indeed — 
 
 'Tis the jolliest one of our freaks. 
 
 Now gather around our gay bon-fire. 
 
 And whatever else we do, 
 In this bracing air let us all conspire 
 To sing- a song, while the flames leap higher, 
 
 To the trusty old snow shoe. 
 
 Hv. Holder. This is all very well when we're off here by ourselves, 
 but some of us will sing small enough when the ladies appear. 
 
 Dick Cissel. Why so, Hy. Holder ? Your learned madame woulc' 
 never dream of driving out here with the other girls for tobogganing 
 ?)'ne''ci ^s soon go to a P. M. 
 
 Hv. H. But she is coming — under protest. She has the idea th t 
 if she h imors n e a little in this way during carnival, I'll oblige '. ;r 
 afterwards by reading Browning She is indeed a Blue Belle. 
 
 
TiimBmmmmm 
 
 mumsgm 
 
 Dick C. If that's all, I can prescribe for her. Having aJmost com- 
 pleted my first year at the Medical College, I confidently affirm that 
 there is nothing better for her complaint than a course of out-door 
 sports. Take her snow-shoeing three times a week, before meals, 
 skating twice 
 
 Hy. H. It's no use, Dick ! The fact of the matter is, the women 
 of this country are being educated far beyond us. We shall soon have 
 nothing whatever in common with them. Ah ! Here comes a fellow- 
 si rferer. 
 
 Dick C. His temperature appears to be abnormally low. Doesn't 
 he look blue ? 
 
 JSnter Robin, •. 
 
 Chorus, " Won't you tell me why, Robin ? " 
 
 Recit. — Robin. 
 
 My comrades dear, your sympathy unloosens 
 The tongue I swore should fettered be for aye. 
 
 Solo — Robin. 
 
 I always did think I could sing, 
 
 Till Trillium came home from the College. 
 
 She told me, " You can't do a thing 
 That needs any musical knowledge." 
 
 Rude Trillium ! 
 
 What will become . ' 
 
 ' ,, Of the whole country. 
 
 If such effrontery 
 Makes Robin mum ? 
 
 I wrestled with Schubert and Franz, 
 
 To Schumann and Grieg I was springing, 
 
 But Trillium led me a dance 
 
 And told me to practise sight-singing. 
 
 Fiddle-de-dee ! 
 How could we see 
 
 Rob, our best cricketer, 
 
 Snubbed by a wicketer 
 Maiden than she? , 
 
 I studied the tonic-sol-fa, 
 
 Joined a choir and the new Philharmonic. 
 ' Sing in tune ! " cried my love, " Or papa 
 Must speedily give me a tonic ! " 
 
 Never mind, Rob ! :> ' 
 
 Her we shall bob 
 
 Down on this slippe "y 
 
 Hill, and for snippery 
 We'll make her sob. 
 
 Chorus, 
 
 Chorus, 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 
 ^•em.. 
 
Hy. Holder. Alackaday ! Robin, you're no worse off than the 
 rest of us. Is TrilUum coming out to the Slide this afternoon? 
 
 BIN. She said she'd try to come, if she could get in her practis- 
 ing in the forenoon and postpone the meeting of the Ophocleidiura 
 Harmonaical Symphony Club. 
 
 Dick C. Cheer up ! We'll back our Winter Carnival to amputate 
 both Browning and Beethoven. 
 
 * * Enter Ptarmigan in distress. 
 
 Help! Help! Help! Help! A persecuted creature, 
 
 I see your fire and run here hard's I can ; 
 I'd soon be left without a decent feature 
 
 By which you'd know your old friend Ptarmigan. 
 
 Chorus. Ptarmigan ! 
 
 Ft. Ptarmigan ! , - 
 
 ENSEMBLE. 
 
 Robin, Hy. Holder and , 
 
 Dick Cissel. Ptarmigan. 
 
 Dear boy ! It is glorious again to Dear boys ! It is glorious again 
 
 see to see 
 
 The face of our school fellow ! The face of my school fellows ! 
 
 Happy we Happy me 
 
 To welcome him back to Canadian To be welcomed back to Cana- 
 
 soil, dian soil, 
 
 And never abroad may he have to And never abroad may I have to 
 
 toil. toil. 
 
 Enter ku Louette and Corbeau in pursuit <?/■ Ptarmigan. They 
 denounce him in patois. : 
 
 - Y.'^^YM&l.Y. {with change of key.) 
 
 Robin, Hy. Holder and 
 
 Dick Cissel. Ptarmigan. 
 
 False one ! Wretched man ! We False ones ! Wretched men ! I 
 
 now know your crime, don't know my crime. 
 
 We've been told of your perfidy Nor what is my perfidy. Give 
 
 just in time ! me time ! 
 
 We'll lynch you here without more If you lynch me here without 
 
 delay, srne d<Jay 
 
 You'll hang by the neck till you're You're hanging an innocent man, 
 
 dead as clay. I say. 
 
 Robin, Hy. Holder a7id Dick Cissel take off scarves to hang 
 Ptarmigan. A sound of sleigh bells is heard. 
 
 Dick C. Good gracious! The ladies! They'd think it awfully 
 ungeiitlemanly of us to proceed with this operation before them. 
 
 Hy. H. They'll find out that Ptarmigan has been abroad, and set 
 him up as a model of " culchaw." 
 
 / -4 ■•■■■ 
 
6 
 
 Robin. They won't let us hang him, anyway, for didn't he— yes, he 
 did — sing in tune. 
 
 Dick C. Let us tie him up to this tree back here, and leave the 
 Frenchies to look after him. There is a body of men to whom prop- 
 erly belongs the honor of carving up this subject. 
 
 Robin. You mean } 
 
 Dick C. I mean the force that will never shirk a disagreeable duty, 
 
 though millions — of bacteria — stand in the way — the — ■ Regiment 
 
 of Volunteers. 
 
 Hv. H. I suppose it would be better to do the business in an ortho- 
 dox manner. After the girls have had enough toboganning, I'll go and 
 call out my company. 
 
 Enter Ladies, led by Trillium and Blue Belle. 
 
 Here we are — all of us — plain ones and beautiful, 
 Sober and gay. 
 
 Stupid and wise. 
 When there's tobogganing, e'en the most dutiful 
 Can't stay away. 
 
 Hither she hies. 
 
 Sleigh riding pleases the best of our quality ; 
 Skating we love, 
 • , Hockey we've tried ; 
 
 But when we seek for the essence of jollity, 
 Give us a shove 
 
 Down a long slide. 
 
 {Dance to sleigh bells.) 
 Duet — Trillium and Blue Bell. 
 I can write a verse in Latin or in Greek, 
 
 I can sing ny best when critics cram the house. 
 But to tell the truth I'm much inclined to shriek, 
 And I'm as timid as a tiny mouse, 
 When I reach the very top 
 Of that awful, awful drop ! 
 To be shot out into space. 
 Where the ice spray cuts your face. 
 Isn't really half so charming 
 As it truly is alarming. 
 
 Will you risk it ? 
 Yes ! I'll risk it ! 
 Oh, my brave, heroic friend ! 
 
 {They fall upon each others' neiks and embrace with tears.) 
 
 B 
 
 B 
 
 T, 
 
 B 
 
 L. 
 
 B. 
 
 T. 
 
 B. 
 
 T. 
 
 B. 
 
 T. 
 
 B. 
 
 T. 
 
 Both 
 
 B. 
 
 B. 
 
 B. 
 
 B. 
 
 B 
 
 Quartette — Trillium, Blue Belle, Hy. 
 AND Robin. 
 
 Holder 
 
 See ! Through the pine trees, the sun is sinking low. 
 
 The night will be upon us soon, then homeward we must go. 
 
 I 
 
ipppn^ 
 
 »ppi^™^«l^w^ 
 
 ll".,,:,,»^ 
 
 I We'll I Try to descend ^o | ^°^^ I lowly plain. 
 
 { Wll } ^^^^ { you } "P ^° y^"^^'^ ^^'g^*' 
 And flash I "^ i down again. 
 
 Full Chorus. 
 Hurry up ! 
 The ciirnival won't last, 
 . But while it's here^ 
 
 It cannot go too fast. 
 ■ Hold on tight! 
 
 But if you do let go, 
 Roll quickly off the track into the deepest snow. 
 
 Hurry up ! 
 
 Your lovers' talk can wait 
 Till summer comes. 
 
 You're keeping us too late. 
 £n avant ! 
 
 Let's see who'll first be there ; 
 To break the track who will boldly dare ? 
 
 OfT to the slide, side by side, 
 
 { You'll I'^i'Hr}''-- H--^^ 
 
 On to the slide, danger defied, 
 We shall go down. Hurrah ! 
 
 Here's that ! For the girl who can stay indoors 
 
 With a novel or fancy work gay, 
 We all of us dare to trust to your care, ' 
 We've taken a holiday, * 
 
 So off to the slide we go. 
 
 Come along ! Here we are ! 
 We're off to the slide, all danger defied, 
 Hurrah for our carnival ! Hurrah ! 
 
 Al. Louette and Corbeau lie down by camp fire and go to sleep. 
 
 Song — Ptarmigan. 
 
 So this is then a sample of Canadian hospitality ; 
 
 In my unhappy case it soon will end in a fatality. 
 
 Of all the scrapes I've got into in many years of travelling, 
 
 I've never been in one that was beyond my wits unravelling ; 
 
 That snow-shoe club seemed most unlike committing an atrocity, 
 
 But here am I, tied hand and foot, witness to its ferocity. 
 
 My voice you may admire, but there's sameness in my attitudes, 
 
 I'm humourous when I'm at large, but now I think in platitudes. 
 
 No prophet has a chance to get his longed for notoriety 
 
 Where he was born, but all / wished was civilized society. 
 
 I longed to breathe my native air and see the life Arcadian, 
 
w 
 
 U 
 
 8 
 
 \ 
 
 But 1 am not allowed to join in any sport Canadian. 
 If I've been rude' I'm sure they'd see it was quite unintentional, 
 For as a rule my manners are decidedly conventional. 
 Well ! If I'm doomed to single bliss and solitude perpetual, 
 Farewell, ye stalwart muscle-men, I quickly shall forget you all. 
 Ptarmigan. Hello ! Who's this coming ? Well ! If it ain't my 
 old flame, Maple Leaf. Of course, she wouldn't condescend to be 
 driven out here like the rest. Many a mile she's tramped me. Who's 
 that with her now ? If I know the specie he's a bank clerk. Ah ! 
 These blasted bonds 1 
 
 Enter Maple Leaf and Bob o'Link trailing toboggan. 
 
 Duet — Maple Leaf and Bob o-Link. 
 
 B. o'L. O wait, I pvay you, Maple Leaf, 
 
 To hear my heart's fond story. • ' 
 
 You need not frown, I shall be* brief, 
 
 I'll cause you not a moment's grief. 
 For coldness is your glory. 
 
 Duet. Cold, cold the day has been, ' \ 
 
 And colder still the night will be. 
 But what care we, for bright will be 
 
 The heart that's warm within. ' / 
 
 M. L. 
 
 Duet. 
 
 B. o'L. 
 
 Don't look so doleful, Bob o' Link, 
 The walk I fear has tired you. 
 
 Lie down there, and before you think 
 I'll whisk you to that very brink 
 Where we have oft admired you. 
 
 We love the manly men. 
 
 And if you search this country all, 
 , Within the Bank of Montreal 
 You'll find theui — wielding Pen, 
 
 ^■^^ 
 
 
 i 
 
 Duet- 
 
 1 
 
 M. L. 
 
 ^H 
 
 Bob o'Link. 
 
 BB 
 
 M. L. 
 
 ^ 
 
 Bob o'L. 
 
 1 
 
 M. L. 
 
 You always change the subject, dear, 
 
 When I would fain be saying 
 That life for me, without you near. 
 Is what I cannot face. Then hear 
 Me out, your step delaying. 
 
 Duet — Like wines the air above 
 
 In it our hearts luxuriate. 
 
 But why will you infuriate, 
 
 But why do I infuriate 
 Me with your rant of love ? 
 You when I speak of love ? 
 Forgive me, friend ! I only chide 
 
 Because the time you're wasting. 
 What matters love, or aught beside 
 Our grand, old, icy Mountain Slide, 
 
 Whose joys we should be tasting ? 
 
 
 isi 
 
Both. 
 
 Bob o'L. 
 
 M. L. 
 
 Bob o'L. 
 
 M. L. 
 
 Bob o'L. 
 
 M. L. 
 
 Ptarmigan. Encore ! 
 
 Then onward we shall move. 
 
 Still longer must I sigh for you. 
 
 I'm not inclined to sigh with you. 
 
 How gladly would I die for you. 
 
 I'll not agree to die for you. 
 You love me ? ' Jime will prove. 
 I love you ? Time will prove. 
 
 M. L. 
 Pt. 
 
 Bob o'L 
 All. 
 
 M. L. 
 Pt. 
 
 Bob o'L. 
 All. 
 M. L. 
 Pt. 
 
 Bob o'L. 
 All. 
 M. L. 
 Pt. 
 
 Bob o'L. 
 All. 
 
 Wis-ka-tjan 
 
 Trio — Maple Leaf, Bob o'Link and Ptarmigan. 
 Oh ! Horror ! What is that I see ? 
 'Tis Ptarmigan tied to a tree. 
 His accent is enough for me. 
 O Whirra, Whirra, Whoo ! 
 
 (Maple Leaf hastens to untie Ptarmigan.) 
 
 Why, 'tis indeed my early friend ! 
 Good fortune you to him did send ! 
 I don't approve ! No help I'll lend. 
 
 O VVhirra, Whirra, Whoo ! 
 Strange welcome home from foreign lands ! 
 Indeed, I fell in with brigands. 
 I'm not sure that I should shake hands. 
 
 O Whirra, Whirra, Whoo ! 
 We'll dance to warm you, if you choose. . . 
 I've not got on my dancing shoes. 
 And I suppose I can't refuse. 
 
 O Whirra, Whirra, Whoo ! 
 
 " Hurruld a Cent !" • 
 ^///^r Hepatica ««</ Wis-ka-tjan. 
 Regit. — Hepatica. 
 
 Wis-ka-tjan ! Quickly turn away your face ! 
 I never should have brought you to this place. 
 I'm educating him to sell the papers, 
 ' Escort me through the slums and cut no capers ; 
 The ordinary youth I view with loathing. 
 But Whiskey jack will shine — in proper clothing. 
 
 I, see no criminal^ nor sign of one ! 
 
 These giddy three are going in for fun ; 
 
 So long's my noble red man's not corrupted 
 
 I'll join the dance that we have interrupted. 
 Hepatica. Have any of you seen a desperate criminal that I hear 
 is at large in this neighborhood ? 
 
 M. L. No, indeed ! What has he done ? 
 Hepat. That's what I came to find out. 
 Pt. We haven't seen any such person about. 
 Bob o'L. Pardon my curiosity, but ah — why should you— a lady — 
 seek the society of one whom you know to be a " desperate criminal "? 
 
10 
 
 Solo — Hepatica and Quartette — Maple Leaf, Hepatica, Bob 
 
 o'LiNK AND Ptarmigan. 
 
 My name's Hepatica — don't laugh — 
 
 And writing's my profession, 
 I'm working on the " Herald " staff — 
 
 But pardon this digression. 
 
 Quartette. The earliest of the flowers of spring, 
 A dainty, modest, little thing ; 
 She's here when snow 
 Decides to go — 
 But pardon this digression. 
 
 Hepatica. If I can of this ghastly crime 
 But be the first reporter, 
 I'll think I've had a better time 
 Than she has when you court her. 
 
 Quartette. For Love's a very fickle boy. 
 
 He brings much pain and little joy. 
 
 ^" { m" } °'^" "'^y 
 
 ( She's ) , ■ ■ 
 
 I I've ] '"^''^ ° ^*y 
 
 Than [ ^^ \ have when [ „^^, 1 court her. 
 I you ) ( you j 
 
 ( Whiskey Jack in the act of scalping Al. Louette and Corbeau 
 wakens them and they denounce Ptarmigan to Hepatica, who proceeds 
 to interview him, while Maple Leaf runs off for help to rescue him.) 
 
 Hepat. Now then, you may as well save time by making a clean 
 breast of it right away, and telling me what you've d ?ne, for I'll get it 
 out of you if I have to sit here all night. 
 
 Pt. Well, mawm, I was just hopin', as you're one of them news- 
 paper ladies who know everything, that yoiid be able to tell me what I 
 done. 
 
 Hepat. What do they say you've done ? 
 
 Pt. I can't tell you that neither, until yoii teach these two pinions 
 of mine {indicating Al. Louette and Corbeau) to talk English. 
 
 Enter Chorus of Girls, who release Ptarmigan. ^ 
 
 Ptarmigan ! Our 
 Brightest fellow. 
 
 More of gumption 
 Than the others. 
 
 Ptarmigan ! Our 
 
 Maple's " Hello ! " 
 
 Roused compunction 
 In our brothers. 
 
 Q' 
 
 yo 
 ab 
 
 ar' 
 
'PWPIWPlf^P' 
 
 
 11 
 
 They are racing 
 To the city 
 
 For the guard of 
 ' Honor due you. 
 
 Danger facing, 
 Full of pity, 
 
 They will ward off 
 Who pursue you. 
 
 Quartette — Trillium, Blue Belle, Maple Leaf, Hepatica and 
 
 Chorus of Girls. 
 
 The loves that we love in our later life 
 
 Are most common-place of men. 
 When one of them asks us to be his wife, 
 
 We are quickly wed — but then ! 
 How our fancy returns to the love of our youth, 
 
 And we picture him always young. 
 He's the lofty mind and the soul of truth, 
 
 Unlike those that we're cast among. 
 
 Chorus. Hqw our fancy returns, etc. 
 
 The loves that we love in our later life 
 
 Have of worldly goods a store. 
 They are stout and bald, but without »njc/i strife 
 
 They will yield us gold galore. 
 
 Chorus. Still our fancy returns, etc. 
 
 Blue Belle. You poor, dear, old fellow ! Don't tremble any more, 
 you are quite safe with us. We will never see the humblest wretch 
 abused, for we all belong to the National Council of Women. 
 
 Trillium. Besides^ we've formed ourselves into a Ladies' Auxili- 
 ary for the P. P. A. 
 
 Ptarmigan. The — ah — which ? 
 
 Hepatica Ptarmigan Protective Association. 
 
 Ptarmigan. That's a game law ! 
 
 Maple Leaf. Hark !■ There comes your guard of honor. 
 
 Enter Hy. Holder's company of volunteers, who crowd 
 round Ptarmigan. 
 Ptarmigan. Oh, I say ! Is this a close season for Ptarmigan ? 
 
 Solo and Chorus for 13TH Batt. {written by the late Capt, 
 
 J. B. Young.) 
 
 " In days of yore, the men of Gore 
 
 Show'd pluck and valour bold, 
 As Stoney Creek and Lundy's Lane 
 
 The story well have told ; 
 The land they left us then we'll guard, 
 
 And show that lapse of years 
 Can find the r scle to fight as hard 
 
 In the 13th Volunteers. 
 
 -:•'■■•',;?? 'I 
 
 / 
 
\ 
 
 12 
 
 Full Chorus. " Then hurrah ! hurrah ! for the scarlet coat, 
 And hurrah for the rifle true ; 
 Hurrah for the colors we'll ne'er desert, 
 The Red, the White, and the Blue. 
 
 " Should we be called, as they were then. 
 
 By war to take the field, 
 Oh, may we not disgrace those men 
 
 Who knew not how to yield, 
 But may we win ourselves a name 
 
 The foe shall ever fear, 
 And Canada shall proudly claim 
 
 Each 13th Volunteer. 
 
 Full Chorus. " Then hurrah ! hurrah ! etc. 
 
 " When duty calls and danger lowers, 
 
 Then let us boldly stand, 
 And prove that every man of ours 
 
 Dare die for his native land ; 
 Let all who dread to meet that day. 
 
 And all with coward fears, 
 Fall out of the ranks — as well they may — 
 
 Of the 13th Volunteers. 
 
 Full Chorus. •' Then hurrah ! hurrah 1 etc. 
 
 " We tempt no foe — but none we fear ; 
 
 We stand but in our right, 
 To guard our homes, our loved ones here, 
 
 Our maids with eyes so bright. 
 Then in his heart let each one bear 
 
 An image fond and dear, 
 For whom all dangers quick he'll dare. 
 
 Each 13th Volunteer." 
 
 Full Chorus. "Then hurrah! hurrah! etc. 
 
 Hy. Holder. Ladies ! Will you kindly retire ? Your presence 
 distracts us from accomplishing the ends of justice. 
 
 Trillium. Indeed ! Why, Justice herself is a woman. 
 
 Hy. H. Please go, girls ! Do you suppose we tramped all this 
 way just to march about and sing ? 
 
 Blue Belle. You don't generally do any more than that, do you ? 
 
 Enter Robin. 
 
 Regit. — Robin. 
 
 Ah, there he is, the shameless, fallen creature, 
 Whose presence doth pollute the air 
 Of this fair Canada of ours. 
 
 Girls' Chorus. What has he done ? 
 
 H( 
 
 x8 
 na 
 mi 
 
 ne 
 at 
 ar 
 
 ss 
 
 ai 
 S 
 a 
 S 
 
'.';_. 'i.:::^-Ju.h.'iS-i^'- 
 
 13 
 
 Solo — Robin. 
 You ask me what he's done ? I'll tell his story, 
 
 Although the tale corrupts my wholesome tongue. 
 We all knew him of old, but never more he 
 
 Shall be our guest, nor join our friends among. 
 
 Girls' Chorus. We'll lisLen if we can. 
 
 Speak out then like a man, 
 For we've no fear of what we hear 
 Against our Ptarmigan. 
 
 Robin. He left his father's house for sake of money — 
 Alas ! His crime will turn you into Fates — 
 . Lower he sank, until, the trait'rous one, he 
 Signed papers to be fused into the States 
 
 ('Robin, deing overcome with emotion^ vnivibks his last line, and Hy. 
 Holder commands Dick Cissel, Sergeant of Volunteers, to explain ) 
 
 Dick Cissel. " Be it known that on the 29th day of February, 
 1893, P. Tarmigan, a native of Ottawa, Canada, reported himself for 
 naturalization, and declared his intentions preparatory to being ad- 
 mitted a Citizen of the United States." 
 
 Part Chorus. 
 
 Oh, horror without name ! 
 Unutterable shame ! 
 Our highly prized ! He's natu -alized 
 And now must bear the b ame. 
 
 Dick C. He proves, by the examination of two competent wit- 
 nesses, his residence in the United States more than five years, his 
 attachment to the principles of the Constitution of the United States, 
 and favorable disposition to the good order and happiness of the 
 same. 
 
 Part Chorus. Oh hateful, perjured hand ! 
 
 With us you cannot stand. 
 We'll let you know before you go 
 You've got a native land. 
 
 Dick C Thereupon, said Ptarmigan is duly sworn in open Court, 
 and makes oath that he will support the Constitution of the United 
 States, and that he does absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure 
 all allegiance and fidelity to every foreign Prince, Potentate, State or 
 Sovereignty whatever, and particularly to the Queen of Great Britain 
 and Empress of India. 
 
 Part Chorus. You've ta'en a sacred oath 
 
 That you will not be loath 
 To fight our Queen ! Oh dastard ! Mean ! 
 You're knave and coward both ! 
 
 Ptarmigan. See here ! That's coming it rather strong. I aint no 
 knave nor coward. How was I to know what sort of a boom you were 
 getting on over here ? Before I went away these (indicating Al. 
 
 ■'t ■■■ 
 
r 
 
 '■atmKi Mu 
 
 \ 
 
 14 
 
 LouETTE AND CoRBEAu) wcrc the Only Canadians, now you're all 
 "in it." 
 
 Full Chorus. Cease ! Cease your ravings rough, 
 
 Your conscience must be tough, 
 What's to be done with such a one ? 
 There's ..jthing bad enough ! 
 
 Enter Bob o'Link running. 
 
 Bob o'L. A vice- regal dispensation, straight from 
 His Excellency, the Governor-General, suggests that 
 punishment for such a crime is banishment for life, 
 be condemned to live in the United States, never to set 
 again, and, to make his subjection more complete, he 
 months after date, to marry an American girl. 
 
 Ptarmigan. Here ! String me up ! 
 
 Bob o'Link. What for? Have you not heard that you are free to 
 return to your beloved State of Michigan ? 
 
 Pt. I,can't comply with the conditions. What do 
 came over here for any how ? Just for the carnival, or 
 
 Song — Ptarmigan and Chorus. 
 
 Rideau Hall 1 
 the only fitting 
 Ptarmigan shall 
 
 foot in Canada 
 must agree, six 
 
 you suppose I 
 to see you ? 
 
 Swing me round by the heels, till the firmament reels. 
 Till your arms are played out and your head's in a whirl, 
 
 You may e'en take my life, but I'P. not have for wife 
 Anyone but a true blue Canadian girl. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Oh Canada ! 
 
 are so fair. 
 
 You f ever 
 Your ( daughters 
 
 Dear Canada ! 
 
 They love the name < ^?^ \ bear. 
 
 The Yankee maid. 
 Or ce from South or West, 
 
 Doth pale and fade 
 'Fore her we love the best ! 
 
 Now what d'ye s'pose always happens to those 
 AVho marry American girls — "jest as cute " ? 
 
 They soon solve the riddle, how to play second fiddle, 
 And are never heard tooting their own little toot. 
 
 Chorus. Oh Canada ! etc. 
 
 I am honest, not poor, but of this I am sure. 
 If I'm jined to a girl over there in the States 
 
 I should never be able to keep up her table. 
 Her theatres, party gowns, hacks, chocolates. 
 
 Chorus. < Oh Canada ! etc. 
 
16 
 
 She would tease for 'an hour to get off on a tower, 
 And never think twice of me left in the shop. 
 
 When she'd spent all my cash she would lay on the lash, 
 And divorce me quite gaily — I'd never cry " Stop !" 
 
 Chorus. Oh Canada ! etc. 
 
 Robin. Poor chappie ! You almost make one sorry for you. Is 
 there no lady here who will take pity on him and sacrifice herself to go 
 as a missionary into the United State of Michigan ? 
 
 Girls. Not one ! 
 
 Robin. \Vhat's to be done with him ? 
 
 H. H. We can't put him in any ordinary jail, for that would raise a 
 mutiny among the other prisoners. They could not endure being 
 under the same roof with him for, whatever their crimes, tney are all 
 Canadians ! 
 
 Dick C. There is room in the new Small-pox Hospital, but the 
 patients would object. His disease is worse than theirs. 
 
 Bob o'Link. I have an idea. 
 
 All. No ! How strange ! 
 
 B. o'L. Strange, but true. Let him 'ue confined in the Ice Palace, 
 where by midnight he'll be frozen to death. There let him remain — a 
 monumental warning to youthful Canadians so long as the ice palace 
 itself shall endure. 
 
 Hy. Holder. The very thing ! I'll leave a guard to see that he does 
 not escape and we'll join you later at the home of Blue Belle. 
 
 Full Chorus. 
 
 Oh Wretched Man ! your doom we seal, 
 
 So hide your guilty face. 
 From our decree there's no appeal. 
 
 We'll take you to a place 
 Where you will shiver and shake and sneeze 
 
 Until, Oh Monster of Vice ! 
 As solid as Ottawa Rock you'll freeze 
 Within our Palace of Ice, 
 And such befall 
 The traitors all 
 Who do as you have done ; 
 They are the most 
 Obnoxious host 
 That dwell beneath the sun ! 
 
 {Tableau with Ptarmigan tied to a toboggan^ aud the centre of fixed 
 
 bayonets.) 
 
 End of Act I. 
 
 ./ 
 
]\ 
 
 fi' 
 
 \% 
 
 16 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 Scene. — Madame Blue Belle's Dta^ving Room, to which tobogganing 
 party has adjourned to dance. Bob d'Link and Maple Leaf 
 
 withdraw to front. 
 
 Song— Bob o'Link. 
 
 Ah ! Maple Leaf, you lightly dance 
 
 As if you had no heart at all, 
 But while my feet keep time by chance, 
 
 The crowd, the laughter on me pall. 
 Come, sit you hefe and let me try 
 To make you feel when I am nigh 
 
 That all the rest may go their way 
 
 If Bob o'Link shall with you stay. 
 
 Oh, my dearest sweetheart ! 
 
 Turn you again to me. 
 Show me your hazel eyes, full 
 
 Of the love light I long to see. 
 
 Thy name by all men is revered 
 
 As emblem of our own countree, 
 • But how my hopeless heart were cheered 
 
 Could I but pluck thee from the tree 
 To wear thee, shelter thee, my ow.i. 
 Thou shalt not wither all alone. 
 
 No autumn blast shall blow thee down, 
 
 Thou'lt come to me my life to crown. 
 
 Oh, my dearest sweetheart, etc. 
 
 Al. Louette {announces at door) Mademoiselle Hepatica et Mon- 
 sieur Purple Martin. 
 
 {Enter Hepatica and Ptarmigan, the latter disguised.) 
 
 Hepatica {to Blue Belle). To a cultivated woman of the world, such 
 as yourself, the name and works of our great Canadian painter are 
 doubtless well known, and therefore I have taken the liberty of bring- 
 ing him here this evening to introduce him to you. I am sorry that 
 we .have come when you are not alone, for I daresay not one of your 
 guests has ever heard of M. Purple Martin. 
 
 I'v 
 
 th( 
 
 an 
 
 m: 
 
 otl 
 fin 
 
 B€ 
 
 US' 
 
 sh 
 
 W 
 ve 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 I 
 
 {Company indignantly protest.) 
 
 We are no Philistines 1 
 Our own Composer shines ! 
 Our native Poet's lines 
 
 With ardor drive us frantic. 
 The country, as a whole. 
 Adores the artist soul. 
 From frontier to the Pole, • 
 
 Pacific to Atlantic. 
 
IPH^f^"^ 
 
 mmm^^^if 
 
 T' 
 
 TPpwf" 
 
 17 
 
 Then cheer for him 
 
 With strongest vim, 
 The Great Canadian Painter. 
 
 We'll sing our lays 
 
 And dance to praise 
 The Great Canadian Painter. 
 
 Our citizen who paints 
 We place among the saints, 
 He never has complaints 
 
 Of any local strictures. 
 Before his canvas dries, 
 One with the other vies 
 To seize the honored prize. 
 
 We buy up ail his pictures ! 
 Then cheer for him, etc. 
 Ptarmigan. Ah ! Really ! I had no idea that the few little things 
 I've struck off would win me so speedy recognition. 
 
 Blue Belle. Tell me about your master piece, do. You call it — 
 the name escapes me ! 
 
 Pt. Modesty forbids me to talk shop, {He and B. B. promenade 
 and Ft, looks at paintings.) Are these all Canadian artists ? 
 
 B. B. Every one ! We wouldn't give space on our walls to any 
 man who was not a Canadian. 
 
 Pt. Wonderful ! Wonderful ! And are you so far advanced in the 
 other arts ? Excuse my ignorance. I've been abroad, you know, and 
 find things greatly changed on my return. 
 
 B. B. No doubt. Canada is now synonymous with culture. 
 Beethoven will soon be studied in all our kindergartens and Browning 
 used as a first reader. As for singing, excuse me a moment and you 
 shall hear what we can do. 
 
 (Ptarmigan ^(f/j Hepatica to introduce him to Maple Leaf.) 
 
 B. B. {to Robin). Our distinguished guest would like some music- 
 Will you kindly sing ? 
 
 Robin. I should be most happy, but I'm rtally too nervous to 
 venture alone. Do you — do you think — ah — that Trillium would — ah 
 — object very much to singing a duet with me? 
 
 B. B. Not if /ask her, I'm sure, to oblige our famous countryman. 
 
 Duet — Trillium and Robin. 
 
 Robin. My humble song — 
 
 Tril. There now, that's wrong ! 
 
 Robin. Your window at — 
 
 Tril. You're singing flat ! 
 
 Rob. I make my moan — 
 
 Tril. Oh! What a tone ! 
 
 Rob. . I'm yours till death ! 
 
 Tril. Now ! Watch your breath. 
 Both. Oh pardon, friends. 
 
 We'll make amends, 
 
18 
 
 li 
 
 r 
 
 i!H-' 
 
 No errors more < . „. > mention, 
 
 We needn't mind, 
 They're deaf and blind, 
 They're paying no attention. 
 Robin. Then Trillium, darling, it is our fate ' 
 To be iiU d Ute. 
 We are alone completely. 
 Do you not see 
 I've changed the key — 
 Thanks all to your instruction ! 
 {During first -part of duet ^ company promenade, talk and laugh. Grad- 
 ually they leave the room.) 
 
 Trillium. It seems indeed a tete a tete 
 
 Is ever my fate. 
 You think I'm singing sweetly, 
 
 You cannot tell 
 
 Exactly how well, 
 Nor praise my tone production. 
 The man I wed must be able to play 
 
 The piano all day. 
 The flute and 'cello nightly. 
 
 My accompaniments 
 At all events 
 Must never fail to inspire him. 
 
 {Enter from different directions Ptarmigan and Maple Leaf, Hv. 
 Holder and Blue Belle, Dick Cissel and Hepatica, Bob 
 o'LiNK by himself and disconsolate. They steal up behind Trillium 
 and Robin and listen with smiles.) 
 
 Robin. I know I am not worthy of you. 
 But what can I do ? 
 Treat not my case too lightly. 
 If ever you find 
 The man to your mind, 
 I'll do my best to admire him, 
 Hv. H. Come to supper ! 
 Dick C. Come to supper ! 
 Octette Maple Leaf, Blue Belle, Hepatica, Bob o'Link, Hv. 
 Holder, Ptarmigan, Dick Cissel, and Robin. 
 Soprano Obligato by Trillium. 
 Here's a scene a sweeter than which 
 
 Our great artist could not paint, 
 But poor Robin needs a sandwich 
 For he looks extremely faint. 
 
 Though your future seemeth murky . 
 Though your hope and courage fail, 
 You'll feel better for some turkey 
 And a glass of ginger alq. 
 
 wit 
 
 o'l 
 
 noi 
 
\ 
 
 in 
 
 There was never youthful nialade, 
 Wishing Cupid's chain to loose, 
 Could resist our Letty Salad, 
 Oyster Patty, Charlotte Rpsse ! 
 
 These throe maids, with sweet devices. 
 
 Shall make Robin look less glum, 
 When we've plied him with ices 
 He'll forget his Trillium. 
 
 Letty Salad, Oyster Patty, Charlotte Russe dance a Gavotte, 
 
 Exeunt all but Hepatica. 
 
 Enter Bon o'Link. 
 B. o'L. Will you come to supper ? {No answer.) 
 B. o'L. May I have the pleasure of taking you in to supper? 
 (Hepatica still absorbed in writing.) 
 
 B. o'L. Madame Blue Belle requested me to ask you to favor her 
 with your company in the dining room along with her other guests. 
 
 Hep. Excuse me ! I don't think you've been introduced. 
 
 B. o'Link. I ah beg your pardon. My name's Bob 
 
 o'Link. 
 
 Regit. — Hepatica. 
 
 And is it Bob o'Link, most charming of singers, I see before me 
 now in black and white ? 
 
 Duet — Hepatica and Bob o'Link. 
 
 Hepatica. How doth it come to pass 
 
 That you've returned, so readily. 
 To light on lowly grass ? 
 You've chosen Maples steadily. 
 Bod o'Link. I'm getting old, I fear. 
 
 Am troubled with sciatica, 
 That's why I'm waiting here 
 Beside the shy Hepatica. 
 Both. When one has not what one loves, 
 
 So the poet sayeth, 
 One must then love what one has, 
 So the poet sayeth. 
 Hepatica. I've heard you sing full oft 
 
 To Maple Leaf right royally, 
 Your tones so rich and soft 
 Proclaim your heart beats loyally. 
 Bob o'Link. T'was e'er my favored perch 
 To sing to her diurnally. 
 She's left me in the lurch 
 
 For him who paints — infernally. 
 Both. When one has not what one loves, etc. 
 
 B. o'L. But you'll think me very rude to abuse a proiegi of yours. 
 Hep. Prot^g^ of mine indeed ! The Great Canadian Painter ! 
 B. o'U Oh, Rubbi&h ! I don't believe he's anything of the sort. 
 
 .** 
 
3-..>' 
 
 r{ 
 
 
 20 
 
 I've seen the fellow somewhere, but can't for the life of me remember 
 where or how. 
 
 Hep. Sir! Do you doubt the authenticity of an introduction from 
 the Press ? 
 
 B. o'L. No ! No ! Don't look at me like that ! Hepatica ! You 
 must help me ! Surely the very heart hasn't been squeezed out of you 
 in the Press ? Take this long haired lion back to his lair, or Maple 
 Leaf is lost to me forever. 
 
 (Maple Leaf and Ptarmigan appear at back of stage and see Bob 
 o'LiNK on his knees to Hepatica. 
 
 Hep. Well, I'll do it — on one condition. 
 
 B. o'L. Anything ! Anything ! 
 
 Hep. You are on the Carnival committee, eh ? 
 
 B. o'L. Yes ! Yes ! 
 
 Hep. Well, you will tell me all about the row between 
 
 i^As Hepatica and Bob o'Link whisper together Maple Leaf and 
 Ptarmigan retire^ 
 
 Hep. All right ! I'll take Ptarmigan away directly. 
 
 B. o'L. Ptarmigan ! Impossible ! 
 
 Hep. Young man ! you forget yourself ! There's nothing im- 
 possible — to the New Woman. 
 
 B. o'L. Pray, forgive me. The New Woman ! ' 
 Do you smoke ? Where's your bicycle ? 
 
 Hep. a bicycle in the snow— stupid! I've put it on skates and 
 turned it into an ice-boat. .Want to come for a sail to hunt ptarmi- 
 gan — rare birds ? 
 
 B. o'L. That villain, Ptarmigan ! However did he get out ? 
 
 Hep. I hypnotized the guards and sent Wis-ka-tjan in to change 
 clothes with him. 
 
 B. o'L. You must be a very, very accomplished person. 
 
 Hep. Oh no 1 Its quite simple. Would you like to be mesmer- 
 ized? 
 
 B. o'L. No violence ! {He picks up large key which she dropped 
 while making mesmeric motions.^ 
 
 Hep. Thanks. That's my latch-key. 
 
 B. o'L. Why did you do it ? Were you so disloyal to Canada as 
 to set her foe free ? 
 
 Hep. I didn't set him free, I brought him here. He's safe 
 enough, he won't leave Maple Leaf. 
 
 B. o'L. No, curse him ! 
 
 Hep. I told him the only way to see her and be welcomed into 
 Canadian society was to don his swallow tail and meet me at my 
 Club 
 
 B. o'L. With a club ? 
 
 Hep. At my Club, I said. I promised t j bring him here and in- 
 troduce him as Purple Martin, the artist. I told him he was sur^ of a 
 grand reception. 
 
 B. o'L. But can he paint ? ^ 
 
*.ww»i:^fl-j,'^5J ■T^^/'SGP^^'.?^' 
 
 Hep. I never asked him that question. It's ot no importance. 
 He talks about Art. Ve gods I How he can talk ! 
 
 B. o'L. Poor Whiskey Jack ! What of him ? 
 
 Hep. You can't freeze an Indian. A night on the ice will be 
 good for him. I must keep \\\m fresh. 
 
 B. o'L. Why, oh why, did you do it ? Why did you give that 
 traitor a chance 
 
 Hep. I did it for copy, of course. I've a column and a half for 
 our morning edition on Ptarmigan's Escape. None of the other 
 papers will hear of it till to-morrow. See! {S/ie reads off several sen- 
 sational headings of local intetest before she finds the right one.) Now 
 I'm on the spot to report what happens to him next. 
 
 B. o'L. I'll let you see that pretty soon — the scoundrel ! 
 
 Hep. Not yet, if you please. Come and give me full particulars 
 of that Carnival Committee squabble, and you can settle Ptarmigan 
 afterwards. Ladies first ! • 
 
 {^Exeunt Hepatica and Bob o'Link, as company who have returned 
 from supper begin to dance ) 
 Enter Wis-ka-tjan in clothes 0/ Ptarmigan, and covered with icicles. 
 All. Ptarmigan ! 
 
 Ptarmigan. Looks to me more like a Jay. 
 Hy. Holder. So it is ! Our Canada Jay — Whiskey Jack ! 
 Dick Cissel. Who has chloroformed the other bird ? O for a 
 chance to vivisect him ! 
 
 Full Chorus. 
 
 He's fled ! How our patriots quiver ! 
 
 Oh ! hasten away 
 
 To find him ere day, 
 Nor let him get over the river. 
 
 For you we shall earnestly pray. 
 What a lasting disgrace to our city 
 
 If the awfullest cad, 
 
 The worst of the bad, 
 Isn't captured and killed without pity. 
 
 'Twill drive Mayor mad ! 
 
 Exeunt all but Maple Leaf and Ptarmigan. 
 Duet — Maple Leaf and Ptarmigan. 
 
 M. L. Ptarmigan ! 
 
 Pt. The eyes of love are keen ! 
 
 M. L. You mean the eyes of hatred. 
 
 Pt. Love me again ! I crave no greater joy. 
 
 Come ! Fly with me before the rest return, 
 The border crossed, how speedily you'll learn 
 To care for me — your sweetheart since a boy. 
 Love me again ! 
 
 M. L. Love me no more ! I can treat but with scorn 
 
 Your pleading. Where's the woman who could trust 
 Her fr^ure to a turn-coat, one who must 
 
 ■••'^1 
 
■:i ■ 
 
 
 22 
 
 Forget his home, the land where he was born. 
 Love me no more ! 
 Pt. Love me again ! The bird from whom I'm named 
 
 Each season changes color — so do you ! 
 The trees and birds to nature's laws are true, 
 Of being turn-coats they are not ashamed. 
 Love me again ! 
 Pt. Maple Leaf, my own, why will you set up conventional lines 
 of division where none exist in reality ? The same trees grow on 
 either side of the Niagara River, the same birds sing, the same flowers 
 bloom. Love knows no boundary lines, no tariff laws, no custom house. 
 M. L. Hush ! What is that ? {Clock strikes twelve.) 
 
 Unaccompanied double quartette of male voices behind the scenes. 
 Clouds with gentle hand are brushing 
 , Wrinkles from the moon's fair face. 
 Every noisy streamlet's rushing 
 Has been stilled by frost's embrace. 
 But our spirits rise with coldness. 
 We have twice our natural boldness 
 
 When the city's under snow, 
 And the mercury's so low 
 That it cannot lower be, 
 Then we tramp abroad with glee. 
 M. L. Oh, Ptarmigan ! Fly ! Fly ! That's the guard ! They 
 must not find you here ! They were to be on duty at the Ice Palace 
 till midnight. By this time they fancy you're too stiff to move. 
 Pt. So I am ! I shan't move a step for one of them. 
 M. L. My old friend ! You say you love me — don't let me see you 
 torn limb from limb before my very eyes. 
 
 Pt. I'll go — If you will go with me. If not, I don't care what 
 becomes of me. 
 
 M. L. Ptarmigan ! Go ! I beseech you. It will break my heart 
 to see you caught. 
 
 Pt. You do love me then ? I am more to you than friends or native 
 land ? (He tries to embrace her.) 
 
 Song — Maple Leaf. 
 
 The only love that's worthy of my heart 
 Is one in which man has no part, 
 No rival need she fear, 
 My country dear ! 
 
 When travelling far my weary spirit yearns 
 
 For these broad lakes, my soul returns 
 To seek for Nature's land — 
 My country grand ! 
 
 Her rolling prairies. Rocky Mountains tall, 
 Her woods, Niagara's thundering fall. 
 Her rivers — all declare 
 My country fair ! 
 
 {h 
 
 cal 
 
 mc 
 
 ( 
 
 pa 
 arc 
 
 he 
 
 is 
 
 of 
 
 agi 
 
 wc 
 Be 
 an 
 pU 
 id( 
 ne 
 
 *i 
 
W^KT' .''IW*! I'H'T'T^ ,?r, i" SW[- 1 
 
 ,'28 
 
 No Fresiaent she needs, nor any Czar, 
 Her own brave sons so loyal are, 
 She ever more will be 
 ?y£y country free 1 
 
 My fancy fondly rests on bygone days, 
 
 Her record past I proudly praise ; / 
 
 'Tis borne on high by fame 
 My country's name t 
 
 There's naught in history we'd fain forget, 
 Our future shall be brighter yet ; 
 Than go your way, I'm to 
 My country true ! 
 ( WAi/e Maple Leaf t's singing her last verse, Blue Belle and her lady 
 guests enter from one side and shake hands with guard of eight 
 volunteers, who enter from the other side. All stare suspiciously at 
 Ptarmigan.) 
 
 ' Pt. Thanks ! Lovely song ! 
 
 M. L. Yes, it is pretty -, but, Mr. Martin, did you ever hear one 
 called, " When the Swallows Homeward Fly " ? 
 
 Pt. I know it ; but this is not the migration season. {Aside.) I 
 mean to stay where I am. 
 
 {Enter men who went in search of Ptarmigan, led by Bob g'LinK.) 
 
 B. o'L. There he is ! I told you he was here ! Painter ? We'll 
 paint him so black and blue you wont know his original color. What 
 are you waiting for ? 
 
 Hy. H. Bring him outside. We don't like to touch him as long as 
 he is the guest of Blue Belle. 
 
 B. B. Don't consider me in the least, The enemy of my country 
 is mine ! 
 
 Hv. H. And her lover yours ? 
 
 B. B. {Giving him both hands.) Though he never translate a line 
 of Browning. 
 
 Dick C. {to H, H. and B. B.) No kissing I Science has declared 
 against it. 
 
 Ptarmigan is seized, but shakes his caf'^-'rs off. 
 
 Pt. One moment, please ! In that time I ca ove that I am no 
 worse than any oi the rest of you. Who are these men. Browning vA, 
 Beethoven, you seem to worship ? Are they Canadians ? (Trillium 
 and Blue Belle hang their heads.) Do you never read anythirg nor 
 play anything that isn't written by a Canadian ? Do you never borrow 
 ideas from the States, nor wear anything that is made there ? Do you 
 never smuggle boots from Buffalo ? Do you 
 
 All. No! No! 
 
 Chorus of Girls. 
 
 Every novel that we read's a home production, 
 
 Every play we go to see's Canadian, 
 Every native work we buy — at a reduction, 
 
 Every local horse we bet on — if we can. , 
 
24 
 
 ^. 
 
 ifl'-^ 
 
 'i 
 
 ,1^ 
 
 Oh, we never get a costume from abroad, 
 To Detroit for our shopping never go ; 
 
 And we boldly plead not guilty of a fraud, 
 Such as smuggMng Yankee boots from Buffalo. 
 
 Full Chorus. 
 
 We can solemnly assure you it is so, 
 
 That < J > never smuggle boots from Buffalo. 
 
 Chorus of Men. 
 
 Not a man among us searches for a missile 
 
 To project upon him who the organ grinds. 
 When he plays the only airs our boys '11 whistle — 
 Music made up in the best Canadian minds. 
 Every writer, every artist's a machine, 
 
 Caring nothing whether he is paid or no. 
 Working for our own Canadian Magazine, 
 They needn't smuggle brains from Buffalo. 
 Full Chorus. 
 We can solemnly you assure it is so, 
 
 That we never smuggle < u°°:^ [ from Buffalo. 
 
 Pt. Well ! All I can say is — Times is changed ! {Holds out his 
 arms dejectedly.) Pluck away harpies ! 
 
 Enter Hepatica.' 
 
 Hep. Hands off my property ! ( Writes some mystic letters on his 
 forehead.) 
 
 Pt. Manuscript only. 
 , Hep. Touch him if you dare ! 
 
 All. What do you mean ? 
 
 Hep. What do I mean? I mean that the strongest power in 
 Canada has come to the rescue — the power before which every party, 
 sect and creed must bow— THE PRESS. 
 
 B. o'L. Are we to infer that the press of our land approves of 
 annexation ? 
 
 Hep. How dare you ask me such a question ! Where have you 
 been brought up that you don't know that the newspapers try and 
 I 'ntence ever;,- criminal out of court ? We pronounce Ptarmigan Not 
 G\iilty 1 
 
 Av L. Not guilty ! Why ? On what plea ? 
 
 HE^, Insanity, of course. 
 
 Dick C. That won't go down. I'm a medical student — first year — 
 and I can give Ptarmigan a certificate for being as sane as I am. 
 
 Hep. Not unlikely ; but I put it to you all : — Is it possible to 
 conceive of any one, man or woman, in full possession of his or her 
 senses, deliberately renouncing his or her British birthright and electing 
 to become amalgamated with the mobocracy upon our southern 
 boundary? 
 
 All. You're right 1 It is not possible ! He must have been crazy ! 
 
nt^^om 
 
 1 ' rf 
 
 25 
 
 Hep. Since I have demonstrated that Ptarmigan signed those 
 fatal papers during a fit of temporary insanity, will you be satisfied if 
 he here and now destroys them ? 
 All. Why, certainly I 
 
 Hep. Ptarmigan, to escape the fury of these inquisitors which your 
 own criminal folly, in a moment of mental aberration, has drawn upon 
 you, will you, in the presence of these witnesses, tear up your 
 naturalization papers ? 
 
 Pt. Why, certainly! {Tears up whole reams.) 
 
 Robin. We've saved you from those blessed Yanks, 
 
 Pt. Oh. thanks ! 
 Trillium. You weep because you've been untrue ? 
 
 Pt. I do ! 
 Bob o'LiNK. You'll thank us that we do not kill. 
 
 Pt. I will ! » 
 
 Hepatica. You stay here now and don't levant. 
 
 Pt. I shan't ! 
 
 Quartette. — Trillium, Hbpatica, Bob o'Link and Robin. 
 
 The rest of your mortal life 
 Endeavor to make amends 
 For what you have been. 
 If true to our Queen, 
 We'll all of us be your friends. ' 
 
 So here is an end to strife. 
 
 You'll join our volunteers, ' 
 And ever decline 
 To cross the line. 
 For Ptarmigan then, three cheers. 
 
 Chwrus. The wonder of Victoria's reign ! 
 
 , A renegade won back again ! 
 
 Excuse him for he was insane. 
 And cheer for him with might and main ! 
 
 Robin. My Trillium ! ' . 
 
 I, too, was mad, 
 
 That's why I sang so wildly. 
 If you will come 
 
 To make me glad, 
 
 I'll take your training mildly. 
 
 Trillium. Dear Robin, first 
 
 'Twas love for me 
 
 That put you out of order, 
 But in your worst 
 Extremity, 
 
 You never crossed the border. 
 
 Chorus. The wonder of Victoria's reign, etc. 
 Pt. Maple Leaf! Every obstacle is removed. Now will you be 
 mine? 
 
m^^^ 
 
 
 26 
 
 M, L. Couldn't think c f such a thing, really. 
 
 Pt. Tell me why ? Would you not be happy with me— your own 
 old lovei ? 
 
 M. L. I might for awhile ; but if I ever saw you look melancholy — 
 at spring cleaning time, for example — I'd imagine you were longing to 
 be like my carpets — over the line ! 
 
 Pt. Nonsense ! Where you are will be carnival for me all the year 
 round. 
 
 M. L. At first perhaps ; but in time you would forget your duty to 
 me if you had to pay duty on your cigars. 
 
 Pt. I'll give up smoking. I'll give up — 
 
 M. L. No, you won't ! If you did, you would just sit round and 
 mope and wish you were making more money. What is money ? Vile 
 money ! I despise it. 
 
 Bob o'Link. Take me ! I have none ! {Maple Leaf does so.) 
 
 cil 
 up 
 
 mi 
 th 
 
 Ptarmigan. 
 
 Maple Leaf 
 
 and 
 Bob o'Link 
 {Embracing.) 
 Full Chorus. 
 
 Ptarmigan. 
 
 Well, if you marry Bob o'Link 
 We all may say Ta ! Ta ! 
 The far Northwest 
 Will claim our best 
 
 'Twill still beW, Canada, 
 
 ' My love ! 
 
 'Twill still be tilr Canada. 
 
 While they are under British rule 
 
 They'll never feel the cold. 
 While they are under British rule 
 
 They'll want but little gold. 
 You'll have to be your own house maid, 
 Your cook, your doctor, nurse, 
 Bank clerks are sent 
 To banishment. 
 
 Maple Leaf j 
 
 and \ 
 
 Bob o'Link ( 
 
 Full Chorus. 
 
 % \ 
 
 They might do something worse, 
 
 My dear ! 
 They might do something worse. 
 The athletic Canadian girl 
 Is never known to shirk. 
 The athletic Canadian girl 
 Is not afraid of work. 
 Pt. Here's a conundrum. Will any one guess 
 
 What's to become of me ? 
 All. Give it up ! 
 
 Hep. No, I'll not give it up. It belongs to me.. 
 Pt. What are you going to do with me ? 
 Marry me? 
 
 Hep. Marry you — the New Woman ? Not very likely ! I mean to 
 take you on in place of Whiskey Jack. Since that aboriginal youth has 
 tasted the aesthetic delight of modern masculine attire, he's of no 
 further use to me. He's become a dude ! I must have the raw 
 material, and, next to the Noble Red Man, the naturalized American 
 
'"^i" li» IW'Pi'""') I 
 
 27 
 
 citizen is the nearest approach to the primeval specimen to be found 
 upon our Western Hemisphere. 
 
 Pt. But I'm not one now ! 
 
 Hep. Never mind ! You're the best I can do at present. I'll 
 make good copy out of your experiences of low life. There ! Carry 
 these. [Handing hitn camp stool and bundle of papers.) Now shout, 
 " Herald, a cent !" 
 
 Pt. Hurruld, a cent ! 
 
 Full Chorus. 
 We shall not remember the crime that is past, 
 
 Since Maple Leaf's left him lamenting ; 
 No slur on his future career shall be cast. 
 The criminal truly repenting. 
 Our ladies take in 
 The fact that the sin * 
 Of loving th' American vulture, 
 
 Is worse beyond doubt than being without 
 A fraction of what they call culture. 
 
 You may conle from the land of the heather and cakes. 
 
 You may be a native of Chilli, 
 Your parents may live beside Italy's lakes, 
 Peradventure you've even been s'lly 
 Enough to be born 
 In the country we scorn. 
 If now you will join in our party. 
 
 We'll make you a friend. To you we extend 
 A Canadian greeting most hearty. 
 
 Curtain. 
 
 
! I 
 
 "Regina" Toilet I^otion 
 
 A SOOTHING AND HEALING APPLICATION 
 FOR THE SKIN. 
 
 ROUGHNESS OF THE SKIN, CHAPPED HANDS 
 [■J Cures ^^ FACE, SORE LIPS, TAN, SUNBURNS, 
 FRECKLES, PIMPLES, ERUPTIONS. 
 
 MOST EFFICACIOUS FOR THE FACE AFTER SHAVING. 
 
 Mancfacttred and For Sale By 
 
 Chemists and DrnirKists, 
 
 Corner John and Main Streets, HAMILTON, ONT. 
 
 COCHRAN'S 
 
 PHOTOS 
 
 WHY? 
 
 BECAUSE HE NEVER ALLOWS A POOR 
 PHOTOGRAPH TO LEAVE HIS STUDIO. 
 
 STTJIDIO : 
 
 GOR. KING pf MARY STREETS 
 
; 'T ■■■" — '^. ,;;.i" 
 
 ONT. 
 
 
 Musical Fragments 
 
 A new series of Music Books containing carefully 
 selected Music for the Voice, Piano (Solos and Duets), 
 Guitar, Violin, Flute, Banjo and Mandolin. Price ^S 
 cents per number. 
 
 Royal Song Collections, Elite Song Folio, Ideal 
 and Royal Folio, Piano Folio No. 2, Modern Pianist and 
 other new volumes of. choice Vocal and Instrumental 
 Music. 
 
 Full lines of the best class Violins,. Flutes, Guitars, 
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 p. GROSSMAN'S SONS 
 
 65 JAMES STREET NORTH 
 
 Diamonds, Watches, 
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 Onyx, Marble and Fancy 
 Clocks, Optical Goods, Etc. 
 
 THOS. LEES. 5 JAMES st. 
 
 ISSUER OF MARRIAGE LICENSES. 
 
!•> 
 
 k 
 
 
 ill 
 
 Hamilton Music School 
 
 AND ORGAN STUDIO 
 
 142 and 144 South James Street, HAMILTON. 
 
 J. E. P. ALD01JS, B. A., PRINCIPAL. 
 
 All branches of Musical Education are taught by thorough- 
 ly experienced teachers. Pupils are taken in all grades of ad- 
 vancement. Special care is taken in training of beginners, so 
 that no time is lost undoing the work of poor teachers. 
 
 Fortnightly public rehearsals are held to encourage con- 
 fidence on the part of the pupils. 
 
 Special advantages favor the study of the Organ in the 
 Orean Studio. 
 
 Two experienced Musicians have been recently added to 
 the Music School Staff: 
 
 MR. A. G. ALEXANDER 
 
 who has recently returned from three years' study in Europe 
 in the great Leschetizky School in Vienna, and in the Royal 
 Vienna Conservatory, also with Sir Walter Parratt, Organist 
 of St. George's Chapel, Windsor Castle ; 
 
 AND DR. CHAS. E. SAUNDERS 
 
 as a Voice and Flute Specialist. Dr. Saunders has made an 
 exhaustive study of the Italian Method of Singing, and is 
 prepared to take pupils in Voice Training, and in Flute Play- 
 ing, in which he is an expert. 
 
 All information given on application to the Principal, 
 
 d. E. P. ALDOaS 
 
mm^Fffm 
 
 ■T»J|Pr.l^''"»":';i'V,''' "T' 
 
 
 30L 
 
 .TON. 
 
 orough- 
 s of ad- 
 ners, so 
 
 jV^rcliant '[ailors 
 
 ■ - fj^ g ■- ST 
 
 ge con- 
 
 1 in the 
 
 added to 
 
 1 Europe 
 he Royal 
 Organist 
 
 made an 
 g, and is 
 ute Play- 
 
 icipal, 
 
 Doas 
 
 Corner King and McNab Sts. 
 
 The Days of the Year, or, The 
 Masque of Months. 
 
 COMPILED BY o\ N. M<^ILWRAITH. 
 
 **The Days of the Year" a Brilliant Success Artistically 
 
 and Financially* 
 
 " The entertainment given in the Town Hall last week under the aaepioes 
 of the Woman's Hospital Aid Society, proved in every way an unqualified 
 success, even exceeding the expectations of its most sanguine supporters. As 
 was the case in the ' Temple of Fame ' last year, the ladies were most happy 
 in their choice of a subject for an entertainment ' The Days of the Year ' is 
 a varied as well as a pleasing performance for the audience, and also gives am- 
 ple scope to the performers for the display of their elocutionary or musical 
 ability." Gait Heporter, Dec. 15th, 189.S. 
 
 " The ' Masque of Months ' was an immense success, and was one of the 
 best entertainments of an amateur character which has ever been given at the 
 Academy." — " Lady Jane " in the Acadian Recorder, Halifax, Dec. 16th, 1893. 
 
 The " Days of the Year " has also been given for the benifit of churches in 
 Paris, Chatham and Listowel, and for the Mechanics Institute in Uxbridge, 
 Ontario. 
 
■/ 
 
 
 V 
 
 !; 
 
 I 
 
 111 
 
 1 
 
 J. Hoodies^ & $on 
 
 THE LARGEST STOCK 
 
 THE HANDSOMEST WAREROOM 
 
 THE BEST VALUE 
 
 FURNITURE 
 
 OF EVERY DESCRIPTION. 
 
 61-63-65 King Street West 
 
 James Crawford 
 
 The [eading (onfecfioi)er 
 
 I handle strictly Hi^h Class Goods, and manufacture 
 and import the finest 
 
 BON-BONS, FRENCH VRIJITS, ROSE LEAVES AND 
 
 VIOLETS. 
 
 ALMOND PASTE WEDDING CAKES TO ORDER 
 
 Lunch, Oyster and Ice Cream Parlors. 
 
CHASE & SANBORN 
 
 SEAL BRAND COFFEE 
 
 SERVED EXCLUSIVELY AT. 
 
 THE WORLD'S FAIR. GHICA(;0 
 
 
 THB LBADIN& OOFFBB OP THE WORLD 
 
 Patent Leather Shoes 
 
 ^ Our d^M' $3 50 Patent Leather Party Shoes 
 are Genuine French Calfskin, and equal to any 
 $4.50 Shoe in the City., 
 
 We introduce the Latest Stylesfrom six months 
 to one year in advance of other dealers. 
 
 AH goods marked in ptain figures, and only 
 one pric€ asked or* accepted. 
 
 4i^'tD., oHiiisdini 
 
 
 3^ 4N1I 3% HIBr« Wist. 
 
 ^. 
 
 ^-■^t:.-^ tft 
 
TTIfi*^ 
 
 ^^' 
 
 aiajaiEfaafaMsiaissisiaieiBjaiaisfaiais/aiaisi 
 
 Why We Grow 
 
 fa] 
 
 i 1'% ? 
 
 
 SigjaMejgl2iail3jaE10liiiB] 
 
 Our business proceeds upon solid ideas persistently followed. 
 The advantages are in regular service and not in excep- 
 tional or spasmodical excitements. 
 
 Civility, good goods, low prices and a neat store have 
 helped lis much. 
 
 M. S. BRAOT. A. G. BAIN- 
 
 F. R. CLOSE. 
 
 AGENT FOR 
 
 Harry Webb's Brown Bread. 
 
 " Home-made " 
 If, Oi Hornby's Oatmeal. 
 Her Majesty's " Special" Tea. [i 
 Hyman's Tobacco. W 
 
 Wenger's Gold Medal Butter, ra 
 " High Grade "Coffees. , | 
 
 Bordea.ux Claret Company. g 
 
 M.S.BRADT&CO. 
 
 Grocera aud Wiije MeroljautB, 
 
 133 and 133 King Street East 
 HAMILTON : 
 
 (Successors to N. D. Galbriaith.) 
 
 =2p= 
 
 OH D.#. Mm M. 0. 
 
 ■' ''(ORS." ANDERSON & RAtEJi) ■ 
 
 Surgeon of the Eye, Ear, Nose, Throat 
 
 -i-A- 
 
 Office Hours-^9 to 11 a.m. and 1 to 4 p.m. 
 
 RESIBENGC-353 MAfN STREET E. 
 
 telephones} Sen?e'l 
 
 K9i 
 
 ARTIFICIAL EYES IN STOCK