WANDERINGS IN THE HIGHLANDS AND ISLANDS. IN TWO VOLUMES. VOL. 1. LONDON : CLAY, PRINTER, BREAD STREET HILL. HIGHLANDS AND ISLANDS, BEING A SEQUEL TO "WILD SPOETS OF THE WEST. W. H. MAXWELL, ESQ. AUTHOR OF " STORIES OF WATERLOO," ETC. ' For the loud bugle, pealing high, The blackbird whistles down the vale, And sunk in ivied ruins lie The banner'd towers of Evandale."— Scott, CHESTNUT HILL. Mass. IN TVfO VOLUMES. VOL. 1. LONDON: GEO. ROUTLEDGE AND CO., FARRINGDON STREET. 1852. CONTENTS. PAGE Introductory Epistle 1 CHAPTER I. A first Visit to Scotland — My Friend's Yacht — Run across Channel — Kilbrenan Sound — LochFyne — Evening — A High- land Gentleman — Night on Loch Fyne — Rose of Allandale — Inverary — Yacht-Fleet — Morning Preparations — Scene from the high Ground — Gunpowder — A Blow-up — Hoisting of the Commodore's Swallow-tail — Dinner — Anecdote — Cath sleibh an t' Shiora — the Ball — Highland Costume — the Ladies — An Invitation — A Scottish Sabbath — Singular Incident — A Highland Home 29 CHAPTER IL Departure from Loch Fyne — Bute — The Cumbrays and Clyde — Dumbarton — Inn of Ballock — The Album — Loch Lomond — Character of its beauty — Rowandennan — The Stout Gentle- man — Ben Lomond — Expansive View — Descent and Dinner 50 CHAPTER III. The Story of the Stout Gentleman 67 vi CONTENTS. CHAPTER IV. PAGE Route to Loch Katrine — Inversnaid — Rob Roy Macgregor — Ruins of the Fort Wolfe— The Highland Girl— The Hostelrie — Highland Boatmen — Loch Katrine — The Trosachs — Ard- kenachrochan — Clachan of Aberfoil — Town and Castle of Doune — Reappearance of the Stout Gentleman— Church and Castle — View from the Ramparts — Historic Recollections — The Town Treasurer 100 CHAPTER V. Edinburgh — ^The Auld Town — New Year's Day — Unlucky Number — Necrological Reminiscences — The Senior Major — Napoleon and the Empress — Murty Donovan — Gazetted out — Otium cum dignitate — Battle of the Bellows — Ensign Rogers — An Alarm — The Catastrophe 1J6 CHAPTER VL Castle of Edinburgh — The Regalia — Dunnottar — A Law Opinion — Castle besieged — Regalia preserved — Dunnottar surrenders — Denouement — The Sixty-sixth — An affectionate Relative — The Grass-market — The High-street — Holyrood •— Royal Accommodation 131 CHAPTER VIL An old Town Hostelrie — Proposed Excursion — The Chevalier's Descent — Highland Clans — Royal Army — Artillery and Ca- valry — Singular Panic — Royal Infantry — Cope's Misconduct — Edinburgh Volunteers — The City surprised — Battle-field... 145 CHAPTER VIII. Welcome of an Inn — Fashionable Hotels — A City Episode — Fancy for Portrait Painting — The Sea Captain — Lady Por- traits — A Pictorial Abomination — Our young Governor- Master Dick — In with the Fish 157 CONTENTS. vii CHAPTER IX. PAGE Embarkation in a Shetland Steamer — Literary Ladies — Firth of Forth — May Island — Bad becomes worse — Arbroath — The Bell-Rock — Symptoms of Sea-sickness — TheCompanion — The Laird of Craigdarragh — Highland Housekeeping — My Cook Mattie — After Dinner — Nothing like Leather 167 CHAPTER X. Bar of Aberdeen — Hotels — A Highland Assize — Judicial Pro- cession — Aberdeen — Royal Visits — Anecdote — Miscella- neous Property — Colleges — Old Aberdeen — Monumental Inscriptions — Criminal Statistics — Dinner spoiled — Further Delay — Secret of Scotch Success — Set out for Peterhead — Coast Scenery 181 CHAPTER XI. A Legend of Slains Castle 196 CHAPTER XII. Bullers of Buchan — ^Peterhead — Its Trade — Polite Statistics — Fraserburgh — ^Wick — Profile of the Iron Duke — Pentland Firth — Dunnet Head — ^Frightful Accident — John o'Groat — Pentland Skerries — Run among the Islands — Kirkwall — Or- : cadian Islands — Tomb of a Giant — Fair Island 210 CHAPTER XIII. Roost of Sumburgh — My Companions — The Captain's Yarn — The Chase — A Yankee ^kipper — Lerwick — Local Sketch — Governor of Fort Charlotte — Criminal Statistics — Castle of Scalloway — Earl Patrick the Wicked — The Minister's Motto. . . 225 CHAPTER XIV. Lions of Shetland — Pictish Remains — Humbug — The Hougo- mont Stick— The Wellington Tree— Military Relics— The Waterloo SnutF-Box — Holm of Noss — Rock-Fowling — ^Anec- dote — A Situation — Superlative Scoundrel — Flying Bridge — Death of an Adventurer 239 viii CONTENTS. CHAPTER XV. PAOE Shetland Character — Morals and Religion — Social Intercourse — Upper Order of Society — ^Shetland Scenery — A Cave Ad- venture — Seal-Hunting — Shetlanders' Resources — The Haaf- Banks — 'Life of a Shetland Fisher — Lithe and Seath-Fish- ing — Sillocks — Piscatorial Conclusions — Lithe and Mackerel — Voracity of Pikes — ^Anecdotes — Swallowing a Black-Hag — The Salmon — ^Anecdotes of the Fish 255 CHAPTER XVL Private Life in Shetland — ^Domicile of a Udaller — A Shetland Beauty' — Duncan the Islesman — An Orcadian Ministry — • Anecdote — Shetland Boatmen — Sad Calamity — An Unex- pected Return — Shetland Husbandry 278 CHAPTER XVn. The Stout Gentleman disabled — 'Farewell to the Orcades — Ge- neral Occurrences — Epistles from the Stout Gentleman — Another and another — Bound for the Highlands 295 Appendix INTRODUCTION. Many things in life arise out of accidental circumstances ; and books are no exception. A very solitary location — in Kentucky parlance — with winter and bad weather/' produced the Wild Sports of the West ; and to letters addressed to a kinsman, as an inducement to visit the far north, the " Sketches " now given to the world must date their origin. It is astonishing that the best resources which Britain possesses for the artist, the sportsman and the idler, are little known, and lightly esti- mated. Within the four seas of Britain, and to the full scope of his bent, the man of science, and the man of pleasure, may indulge himself; and the same corner of the island which affords marvellous enjoyment to the sportsman, be he ornithor, auceps, or piscator, will also enrapture the painter, and puzzle the antiquary unto death. b X INTRODUCTION. " A truant disposition" led the author of these Sketches into the scenes which have produced them. To trace out half-forgotten battle-fields, and view the remnant of a feudal-keep or Border peel-house — sit among ruins where once the bells were rung, and the mass was sung," — or, in evening gray, throw moth or minnow on a stream which once the ruthless moss-trooper has crossed at midnight, the blazing beacon in his rear urging him onward to some wild fast- ness, wherein to secure his spoil, or shelter from the vengeance some deed of violence had just provoked. Travellers and tourists are variously influenced. One will insist upon authenticated certificates of well-aired sheets ; another — ut mos" — alas ! I must spoil the quotation, and add '^fuit/* as far as the quotation applies — requires nothing beyond a roof to shelter, and a rug to stretch upon. One " southern gentleman" loves to dream the hour away where the poet has framed his song, or the mighty remnants of monastic beauty attest the art that designed, and the royal enthusiasm which erected these princely dwelHngs of an order, who, professing humility, obhged the sceptre to bend to the crozier, and laid the sandal of the tonsured monk on the mailed neck of the high-born crusader. Another — the humble dis- ciple of old Izaak — who has dabbled in pond. INTRODUCTION. xi canal, and well-stocked water" — hears acci- dentally of the Tweed and Tay — and sets out upon a visit to the Border. To view one saltation of a fresh-run salmon will reward the pilgrim- age ; and if he fill a creel — as I have done in two brief hours — will he not marvel that, in piscatoral ignorance, unhappy citizens of credit and renown" waste time about Lea Bridge, and money in adjacent hostelries, where some flavour- less fish, which on the Borders would be kicked away, is immortalized in a glass case ; and the skeleton of a pike, which, as a capture, every cowboy in Connemara could emulate, is held out above the mantel-piece as an encouragement for Cockneys to wet their feet, by proving that marshy waters are not ungrateful, and rheuma- tism shall have its reward. To tourists of a gentler mood," those who employ the pencil or the rod, dislike damp clothing, and delight in comfortable inns, I recommend the Border. To the rougher speci- mens of mankind — personages who have spent Christmas in the Bay of Biscay, or made a few Peninsular marches in bad weather, when the Iron Duke was in a hurry, I would point out the northern Highlands, and the far Orcades. Throughout the Land of Cakes, Chambers will prove an excellent ally — Anderson be invaluable as a Highland Cicerone — and, as a sea-coast xii INTRODUCTION. companion, let them put full faith in the voyage of the pleasantest Professor * in the realm. The land of the Gael is not the country wherein to sport purple and fine linen — Scotch mists bear a striking affinity to an English planet-shower — and Mackintosh will be often found a friend in need. Irish travellers are respectfully informed that fire-arms may be left at home, a pocket-pistol only being required. Charged heavily with pure alcohol, and presented at, or rather to a grumbling river-keeper, I have found its agency most serviceable. The Celtic race have not yet ranged themselves beneath the banners of the water-drinking apostle; and I never met a Highland heart to which Glenlivet and civility were not the surest and the speediest passports. * Christopher North. London, January 1, 1844. EPISTLE TO JOHN O'FLAGHERTY, Esq. May 10, 1841. And have you never been up the Clyde ? What a confession for a finished traveller — one who has slidden on a glacier, and scratched his initials on a pillar of the Acropolis ! You have w^asted years on the continent, and left unvisited one of the most glorious rivers in the world — and with such facilities — steamers from every point i' the seaman's card/' splashing over its silver cur- rent every day but the seventh — ay, and even on that blessed one of rest, could you but put your faith in an Irish boiler and the prayers of the church, you might still reach Glasgow. Donald, no matter how hard he may struggle for '''the B '1 2 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. siller/' observes his sabbath punctiliously, — but Pat, in the exuberance of his industry, " Joins night to day, and Sunday to the week — " and while the Lord of the Isles " cheek by jowl with " the Maid of Bute/' rests idly beside the Bromielaw, Nora Crina " comes frisking up the Frith, and Daniel O'Connell " puffs and grum- bles as he goes, noisy as his namesake before the rent-day, while fulminating tirades against Tory- ism, and persuading the finest peasantry on earth" that malgre their virtues and deserts, they are, God help them ! the worst- treated community in Christendom. Five-and-twenty years, with one short interval, have passed, since I left the roof-tree of our fathers, a beardless boy. Of those who shared my earlier joys or sorrows but few remain. I come back, and all look strangely at me. The once rosy cheek of youth, bronzed by a tropic sun, forbids remembrance, — and in the bilious- looking colonel none can trace the laughing cadet — and faith, no wonder — " For time, and care, and war have plongli'd My very soul from out my brow !" And can I marvel at this change in my outer man, /, who can barely identify the premises where I was born ? Roman cement — every thing INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 3 in Ireland is Roman now — has superseded the good old pebble-dashing of your mansion — and within doors, the march of reform is still more evidenced. Where is the massive furniture, whose cumbrous frames and inky-looking maho- gany bore the imprint of a century ? — where our grandmother s spinette ? — and where Tim Haddi- gan's bagpipes ? — that reed and chaunter which could discourse such eloquent music ! Gone — gone ! ***** I spent some restless hours in the little road- side inn, whither I had repaired to catch tlie DubHn coach at day-break. I could not sleep. I thought of days passed by, and persons half forgotten. Scenes and actors once more ap- peared in shadowy review ; and the last night be- fore a young career upon the world commenced, came back more vividly than all. That night was memorable. Jack. Then you received an honourable patronymic — and a more ill-conditioned neophyte never kicked in the arms of a divine. Seldom had the ancient roof- tree covered a merrier group — and, in imagi- nation, I see them now. My honoured aunt, in the ripe bloom that marks a matron's beauty, sate in her high-backed chair, listening rever- ently to the baptismal prayer ; albeit, the form belonged to another church, and from him by B 2 4 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. whom the holy rite was celebrated, she dissented conscientiously. But in those days a difference in religious faith did not matter a brass button. Popery was unobtrusive — Protestants were tole- rant — Heaven was considered attainable by all — and, contrary to the more enlightened opinions of modern clerks, persons professing another creed were not, as a matter of course, consigned direct to Pandemonium. But to return to thy christening : There stood my uncles. Jack — your father — looking every inch " an honest-hearted, hos- pitable fox-hunter — and his twin-brother, our uncle Antony ; but of him you can have no recollection — for ere you were a satchelled schoolboy," Antony was " under the grey stone," and reposing with his ancestors in Tubbermore. Antony was the terror of the whole community of Carmeen. When he spoke irreverently of the Pope himself. Father John Kelly did not venture a rebuke : and, at the first creak of his shoe, the boldest spider-brusher fled from the presence. Antony, by his own account, was some fifty — but " by'r Lady," he was inclining to " threescore." His years, with honest Jack's, were analogous, but in all besides the resemblance ended. Above six feet in height, in youth he was the " beau ideal " of a trooper, so far as a broad chest and hght legs would go ; but he was INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 5 now a gaunt, attenuated old man, bent double by rheumatism, and sorely crippled with the gout. For thirty years he had served in the Austrian army, till, worn out and minus an arm, he revisited his native land with a colonel's rank, a moderate pension, three honorary medals, and the cross of Maria Theresa. Antony, after his kind, was good-hearted to a degree, and, when in tolerable health, cheerful and companionable. He could mull port, tell a story, argue by the hour, arrange the preliminaries of a duel, and, provided the distance was not too great nor the gout too troublesome, he would attend good- naturedly in person to witness the success of his friend, or, if the result proved otherwise, look to his obsequies after witnessing his will. Such a personage, in any country, would be a treasure, but, in Connaught, he was a jewel above price. Antony was a loyal subject and staunch Protes- tant. To his religious creed he clung with the tenacity of a martyr — some said, from sheer opposition, and according to others, from an early antipathy to fish. Antony was a man whom no community, besides that of Carmeen, would have tolerated. He was his brother — and your easy-tempered father bore all his humours patiently. He was the kinsman of her husband — and your mother let all his rudeness pass. In Father Kelly's hearing he absolutely 6 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. whistled the Boyne Water" — and once, m a full bumper, consigned the Pope to the pillory, with the Devil pelting priests at him." Father John bore it like a stoic, whispering apologeti- cally, in my aunt's ear, that the colonel's gout was coming on, and, poor soul ! an enemy would pity him !" But a less lenient tribunal sat in judgment on the misdeeds of the irreligious commander. The kitchen was Catholic to a woman — and there the enormities of that one-armed sinner " un- derwent no delicate investigation." All, nern, con. agreed, that his conversion was a hopeless affair, and consequently, that Purgatory would be too good for him : and it was resolved, that if malefactors fried for their offences, our uncle Antony was certain of a warm corner in a place, which every body perfectly understood, but which none considered it quite correct to par- ticularize. Carmeen, on that eventful evening when you were christened. Jack, was indeed the house of feasting — and surely the church would lend its countenance for the nonce. Doctor Morton, as in duty bound, honoured this high festival with his portly presence — and where the Doctor w^as. Father John Kelly was sure to be. In brotherly regard the priest and parson were united as the Siamese Twins ; and two worthier INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. I churchmen never finished a cooper of port, and packed it with a pint of poteen afterwards. Were the priest wanted for a sick-call, the parsonage was the surest place to seek him. The Doctor was of the king's poor esquires; and the priest aided and assisted in the due administration of justice — and, woe to the sin- ner whom he denounced, for on him the iron knuckles of the law" descended with additional severity. In every thing an identity of feeling united these gifted Gamaliels — and property was in common, ay, even to the person of the clerk. Peter Maguire was held in joint tenancy, and officiated in vestry room and sacristy. In both he was master of the robes ; served first mass for Father Kelly, and responded afterwards to Doctor Morton : and, notwithstanding the mur- murings of the ignorant, he discharged his double duties to the last. In religion, Peter was a doubtful professor ; and on his merits the parish was awfully divided — some asserting that he was a true Catholic as ever performed on Lady-day upon the Reek — while others objected that he had been caught eating bacon on a Friday, and, as if to aggravate the offending, that Friday was in Lent. Indeed, nothing was clearly known touching his earlier life, parentage, and educa- tion. He had emigrated from " the north" — well, that was a suspicious place to come from : and 8 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. wherefore he had made Connaught his abiding place, was a matter involved in mystery : some conjee tming that he had been >Dut in ninety- eight/' and others averring that it was merely to escape the assiduities of three wives — Peter, in that valuable article, having been, unfortunately for himself, a pluralist. Such, Jack, was the goodly company, with some thirty cooslm^ers, and the usual assortment of nurses, huntsmen, pipers, and ladies'-maids, who witnessed the ceremonial of your christening. Where are they ? Alas ! that question brings a melancholy answer. But few remain ; and upon those, what a heavy hand time has laid ! One brief visit I paid Carmeen, and oh ! what a change ten years had made. Her, whom I loved with a son's affection — who had watched my or- phan age, and had been more to me than mother — a fever caught in the exercise of the charity she loved had prematurely hurried to the grave. My honest uncle had fallen in the quarrel of another, fighting the battle of a scoundrel, who lacked courage to defend himself ; while our uncle Antony died as he lived, acting purely out of opposition. A surfeit swept him "in double quick" to the tomb of the Capulets — for, con- trary to the orders of his doctor, he ate cutlets on a holiday, merely to mortify the cook, who had lately become a Carmelite. INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 9 Churchmen are mortal. Jack, and John Kelly was doomed to leave Doctor Morton for a brief space behind him. Long will his virtues be remembered in Kiltogher ; for where will his fellow now-a-days be found ? Poor John ! he was kind-hearted and companionable, liked long whist, played a little on the fiddle, and, as the maids declared, was a man of short shrift and liberal indulgence. He died in his vocation, a victim to jig-dancing and potheen punch ; for three christenings, two weddings, and a dragging home, in one brief week, were too much for a plethoric gentleman of sixty-five. Could he but have witnessed his own obsequies, it would have gratified his pride. For three nights he lay in state ; twelve priests exercised their best endea- vours to abridge his necessary imprisonment in purgatory ; whisky and tobacco were supplied with unsparing liberality ; and when the defunct churchman was carried to the grave, the funeral train extended from the gates of Carmeen even to the abbey of Kiltogher. Richard Morton never raised his head after he had been apprized of the demise of Father John ; and in ten days the spiritual charge of Kiltogher — tithes, glebes, tenths, with all pro- perty ecclesiastic, were duly vacated, and the parson followed the priest. Grief begets gout, and gout suddenly assailed that most important 10 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. of a churchman's organs — the stomach. Vainly were all the customary remedies administered ; usquebaugh and burnt brandy were tried and found wanting ; a patent remedy was resorted to, but in vain ; all would not do ; for the disease was master of the citadel, and malgre alcohol and hot flannel, Richard Morton followed the priest, and slept in the vault of his prede- cessors. The rest you know. Jack. Like kings, church- men never die, and on the same day both vacancies were filled — a crack-brained zealot, professing ultra-piety, stepped into Morton's shoes, while a dark-minded monk, hot from the cloisters of Maynooth, succeeded as simple a confessor as ever thumbed a breviary. Between them, all kindly relations in the parish were an- nihilated. They sowed a glorious crop of into- lerance — and, judging from the fruits, the seed fell not by the way-side. The complexion of society, such as it existed in my boyhood, might be imagined from this hurried sketch. I return in the sear and yellow leaf, and all is changed. Is the country im- proved — and are the people more enhghtened ? Do men hold the positions which property should command, or talent may attain ? Does plenty gladden the peasant's home, and peace surround the mansions of the rich ? Ah ! Jack, these are INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 11 tender interrogatories. Where are the lords of the soil ? Driven, in sheer disgust, into absen- teeism, and their places usurped by men whose undue elevation has entailed a curse alike upon themselves and the community. The Shallows and the Simples you must seek in an English watering place or foreign capital ; and in their places who hold the Queen's commissions ? Men whose fathers waited in our fathers' halls — them- selves illiterate, struggling against high rents, and jobbing one day in law and the next in cattle. You boast yourself a resident ; compare your position in the county with what your father held. He had two hundred freeholders. Would one of them have opposed the candidate whom he supported ? You have barely twenty. Well, individually they respect you. At your bidding they would clear a fair, drown a baihff, burn a church, or in any other trifle evince their af- fection for their landlord ; but were your best friend to start for the representation of , with every quaUfication that worth and wealth can offer, were he opposed by some wretched pauper, who in poverty and principle was suited to become a willing tool of any to whom he was indebted for privilege to evade a jail, could you. Jack, influence one tenant to support your friend ? Would not the priest laugh in your face, drag your freeholder to 12 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. the hustings by the neck, and poll him as he pleased ? " And have you no remedy," says John Bull — ''rents exacted to the day, ejectments, and every annoyance to which a refractory tacksman ex- poses himself — are they not yours ?" Undoubt- edly they are ; but dare you employ them. Jack ? Ay ! there's the rub. Evict an ingrate from your property — one whose forefathers have hung upon the breath of yours, have flourished beneath their fosterage, multiplied, and got wealthy — exercise your legal right and reclaim what is your own — returning from a fair, you will be shot by some patriot from behind a hedge ; or, if stricken in years, and unable to leave your lawn, you will be stoned to death in front of your own house by some hired murderer, while twenty of the finest peasantry on earth calmly look on, and satisfy Father , their excellent confessor, that they were too industriously at work to witness the massacre of their benefactor. And you would have me invest my property at home." — *' Home," — with windows blocked up, and loaded blunderbusses on the sideboard ! '' Home !" — mine, indeed. Jack, shall be home ; but, i'faith, it must be in another country — a land uncursed by political priests, unvisited by prose- lytizing parsons — your peace unbroken by sedi- tious scoundrels agitating before '' the rint," or INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 13 by fanatics who never could tot three figures on a slate, announcing that they have calculated the millennium to a day, and hinting to ancient gen- tlewomen that the time is come when their houses should be set in order. Jack, I'll be plagued by none of these annoy- ances ; I will remain in comfortable independence ; and when I invest the earnings of a hard and venturous life, it shall be in property over which I may exercise a legitimate control — and, though the doctrine is now exploded, '^do with mine own what I will." Think me not ungrateful after a recent sejoiir in your hospitable mansion, if I requite your kindness by disparaging the country or the hearth. Far from it — your household is unex- ceptionable. That English spider brusher is a gem beyond value ; your butler should be cano- nized ; your cook shall live in my recollection ; and your wine — the old cellar. Jack — should be immortalized by Captain Morris or Anacreon. But, d it — I hate to see fire-arms on the sideboard, and I get the fidgets whenever those splinter-proof window shutters are screwed up. Give me a quiet evening after a good dinner ; it assists digestion wonderfully. I have been too often under fire in my youth, to fancy it particu- larly at forty-five. Honestly, Jack, I abominate a feast that terminates in a fusilade — ay, as 14 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. heartily as Cuddie Headrigge hated sermons which ended in a psalm at the grass market. Remember, Jack, I am also thy senior by some twenty years, and time will cool even the hot blood of the O'Flahertys. At your age I was shot at for seven shilhngs a day — and, were the truth told, the king had the worst of the bargain. Lieutenant O'Flaherty, for a company in expect- ancy, headed a forlorn hope — and surely the said Lieutenant had ample consideration for scram- bling in the dark over ten yards of ruined ma- sonry. I was calcined in Ceylon, and half frozen in the Pyrenees ; but by each visitation I got a step. To the ague of South Beviland, and the vomita of the West Indies, I am deeply indebted for promotion ; and, thanks to the gods, I read my name among the colonels of '34, and append C.B. to my ancient patronymic. And shall I not, as the fat knight, thy namesake, says, che- rish this old carcass now, and " take mine ease in mine inn," neither troubling your friend the coroner for a cast of his ofHce, nor submitting my person to post mortem examination, to ascer- tain the interesting particulars how the pension list was lightened by a pound a day, and solve a doubt whether a Companion of the Bath had been sped by bullet or cold iron T Here then. Jack — here, in sober, steady Scot- land, hke another Richard, will I exclaim, Up INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 15 with my tent ! " — Here, possessor of a highland hill, and master of an humble cottage, will I seek — " Health in the breeze and shelter m the storm." Here, I will sleep with an unlatched door — wor- ship God as I please — and that, too, with a sure warrant that life is safe, and property free from spohation. And when the last rout arrives from the Great Commander of us all, I will shuffle off this mortal coil as easily as I may — my hope, a Christian's — my bearing, that of A Soldier of Fortune. TO JOHN O'FLAGHERTY, Esq. June 15, 1841. I HAVE received your letter — a regular Jeremiah — a new burden to an old song, and all anent years of suffering, and the calamitous results arising from English tyranny and misrule. For a Whig epistle, the thing is well enough — but for that of a Repaler, it is nothing but milk and water. If you intend to go the whole hog, you must not only forget the feelings, but decline the imrlance of a gentleman. All who presume to differ in opinion, and exercise a right of thinking for themselves, are, of logical necessity, both scoundrels and oppressors ; and while you describe the English peasant as truculent and ignorant, you must be sure to concentrate the cardinal virtues in the clod-hoppers at home. Remember, above all things, that Ireland is a second Goshen — a land over which Tommy Moore's lady of the wand and ring may commence her wanderings to-morrow, and, from Dingle to Downpatrick, INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 17 none shall be found to say " black was the white of her eye." The newspapers will occasionally chronicle a fresh murder : no matter — if Sassenach proprietors persecute the finest peasantry upon earth, they must abide the consequences of their oppressions. Is the peasant who finds it inconvenient to pay rent, and is, moreover, too high-spirited to retire peacefully from his holding at the bidding of his landlord — is he to be legally evicted ? In such cases, surely, assassination may be excused ; for, had the landlord but permitted his exemplary and industrious tenants to remain rent-free, he might have taken the liberty of riding in his own domain, and, except by mistake, no man would have molested him till doomsday. You call me intolerant — the charge may be true— but through life, it seems that I have laboured under a delusion, and believed myself a liberal. I confess, that for politics I have little taste, and to which of the great sections I belong is sometimes a puzzle to myself. In the good old Tory times, people swore I was a Whig ; and now, in the palmy days of purity and reform, they set me down as little better than a Conservative. I fear my intellects are obnubilated, inasmuch as modern statesmanship wholly passeth my under- standing, and I have,moreover, antipathies beyond control. With a Radical, I would not travel, c 18 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. advisedly, in an omnibus ; and to the word Patriot I have a horror, since five-and-twenty years ago 1 conceived a detestation to the term, when Dubhn was overrun with drunken vagabonds, whom Devereux, the liberator of that day, had arrayed, for the nonce," in green coatees and cocks' feathers, and transmuted, for ten pounds a head, from honest tradesmen into captains of dragoons. From any manifesto dated Derri- nane," and headed "Hereditary Bondsmen," I recoil. The police report, with me, obtains pre- cedency of the parhamentary. To the apology of some pleasant member of the Tail, as delivered before a Bow-street magistrate, for twisting off a knocker, levanting with a friend's wife, or the performance of any other exploit befitting a grave and reverend senator, I carefully turn my atten- tion ; whereas, had he been upon his legs for six hours, I would not have wasted a thought upon his speech, unless, indeed, it had been pronounced within view of Saint Sepulchre's, and warranted a "last one." When a column of " The Times '* appears bespattered with numerals, as if "the Thunderer" had pirated whole pages from the " Ready Reckoner," and I detect above it, " Mr. Hume rose amid cries of ' Question ! ' and ' Di- vide ! "' I repudiate the broad sheet for that day, contenting myself with a peep into " Life in London," or the perusal of some edifying article INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 19 in " The Satirist." These antipathies unfit me for becoming a pohtician, and have, probably, disquahfied me from either estimating the sta- bility of a Whig government, or of discovering the marvels it has wrought. I cannot persuade my- self that China has yet been conquered — nor can I ascertain hovs^ the deficiency of millions in the revenue, is a proof that trade has increased, and domestic prosperity reached its zenith. Indeed, w^hen I think of the safe tenure of Whig office, and the tranquillity of Ireland, I am reminded of an incident that seems typical of both. I once crossed Channel in a steamer, on board of which a large quantity of gunpowder was being smuggled. It was concealed in an open crate, packed loosely in dry straw, and deposited beside the funnel, affording to half a dozen haymakers a convenient resting-place, whereon they sat and smoked throughout the night, and as much at ease, too, as if they had been seated on a herring barrel. I thought that the duration of Whig power, and eke the peace of Ireland, were not very dissimilarly circumstanced.* One blast from Derrinane would send the Melbournes sky-high — and a spark from Dan's dhudeine set the country in a blaze, even from Lough Foyle to Killarney. ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ You call me im-Irish, and charge me with * Written in 1840. C 2 20 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. coldness to my country. Did I exactly com- prehend the meaning of the phrase, I would at once plead guilty, or deny it. If it be un-Irish to exercise a free agency in thoughts and acts, reckless whether they may obtain the applause, or provoke the anger of the multitude, then, indeed, am I im-Irish, I will neither yelp with the crowd, nor obey the dictum of their leader. If the proof of true belief He in the rejection of mutton cutlets, and in poisoning myself wdth stale haddocks, because it happened to be Friday, write me down heretical when you please. I will not become a patriot at the risk of fever, and sw^elter throughout the dog-days in native frieze. To the general purity of my countrywomen, I bear a most honourable testimony ; but I must be excused in declining to compliment the ladies of the sod" at the expense of the female community of a sister land. I will neither libel English virtue, nor palliate Irish murders. I can find no excuse for the slaughter of a landlord, even though he be a parson ; and although the crime now-a-days, in the gentle parlance of the Whigs, is softened down to that of simple homi- cide." That '^fine peasantry" who receive the assassin red-handed from the foul deed, and shield him from the law's pursuit, I estimate as ruffians for whom the gallows is too good. If opinions such as these are anti- national, Jack, I own the soft INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 21 impeachment," and shall continue un-Irish to my death. Coute qui coiitey I will not commence a fish diet ^^on compulsion" — anno cetatis 45 — " Rhubarb's rhubarb," so saith Doctor Ollapod — and I'll call murder by its right name while I live. There is a passage in your letter that alarms me. I fear you are not proof against the yearnings of low ambition ; and that to achieve an entrance into. St. Stephen's, you might submit, in an hour of weakness, to be pitchforked in even by the priests. Should that calamity befal you, mark me. Jack, from that moment, your misery may be dated. Over your independence, you may cry a coronach ; for as a freeman, you are, to all intents and purposes, defunct. Good God ! you would not stoop to the degradation of becoming a section of the Tail, and, in your vocation, bless as Daniel blessed, and anathematize all whom he cursed as dissenting ? Would you bend to the dic- tates of vulgar tyranny, deliver yourself of rabid harangues, clamour against orangemen, parsons, and the king of Hanover, and prove that even woman's purity is not secure against the foul- mouthed calumny of a demagogue ? Oh no ! I slander you by the suspicion. « * * * Well — thanks to the Gods ! — I wronged you ; and you promise to leave to itself, 22 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. and absent yourself from the election. You do wisely, Jack ; for what interest could you take in the return of a candidate, with whom you would not play sixpenny backgammon, without sub- jecting the dice to close surveillance, while, even for a hundred, you would not be tempted to acknowledge him in the street ? No, no ! it won't do. You have two thousand pounds a year, and are a bachelor to boot. What matters it to you whether the gang bless or ban you. If you find become too hot, you may start, at a moment's notice, for Constantinople. No stern necessity binds you to the soil. Uncursed with a tithe property, so often fatal to its wretched owner — unencumbered by a large family and small means — you have no cause to resort to political hypocrisy, and vote by the order of the priest to prevent your children from being left fatherless, or their home a smoking ruin. You are no hungry adventurer, in the expectancy of some paltry place. You have no inducement to join the Hereditary Bondsmen." For you there would be but one reward — if subservient to the Dictator's will, you would be slavered with fulsome praise, while on the first indication of returning independence, you would be loaded with obloquy and abuse, such as political viru- lence alone will venture to resort to. INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 23 Well — I have pitched my tent — I am mas- ter of " A low snug dwelling, but in good repair ;" and with a locality around it that a painter or poet would delight in. Encompassed by a noble pine wood, I peep through a vista in the trees, upon one of the sweetest lakes in Scotland. Behind, the ground rises abruptly and protects me from the east wind ; while in full front, a fine gorge opens among the hills, forming the picturesque valley of Glenfinart. What a sub- ject for the pencil does this highland strath pre- sent ! The sun is setting — and over the nearer hill-tops he has thrown a gorgeous curtain — rich purple and molten gold. Beneath, Lpugh Long glitters like a mirror — while more distant still, the loftier highlands are shaded by the haze of even- ing. All will be quiet soon. Oh, no : twilight but gives the signal for the peasant to renew his toil. The keel grates over the pebbled beach : boat after boat ghdes from the shore : and the busy work of herring-fishing is commencing. But in those harmless sounds there is a soothing influence, as the oar, dipped in the water with a measured stroke, falls in unison with a Gaelic boat-song. Gradually, the queen of night sur- mounts the eastern hill. The ruddy blush of sunset has sunk behind the mountains : now an 24 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. unclouded moon is paramount over lake and hill, flinging around a pearly light, exquisitely soft and beautiful, and suited for a fairy home" and "witching scene," in which wild- ness, beauty, and romance, have blended all their charms. * * * * * Jack, I am regularly domiciled ; and all about me bespeaks the humble plenty which gladdens a comfortable retirement. Poultry sur- round my barn ; sundry cows admit me owner ; and the hill behind my garden is stocked with highland weders. My old companion Barossa, is accommodated with a roomy stall ; and dogs of " high and low degree" have all their several cantonments. As I walked out this morning, a roebuck bounded from the next plantation ; and returning, a hare crossed the road, and stopped impudently to examine me, as if she had de- tected in mine the features of a stranger. The hoarse creaking of the partridge tells that his mate is hatching in the lawn : at dusk, the black cock crows my " tattoo ;" and at dawn, his challenge serves for my '^revellie." Of the finny tribe, they tell me that the lake possesses an inexhaustible supply ; and, consequently, that rod or net are rarely used in vain. Was ever a retreat better chosen for one who has buffeted the world from boyhood : one — where he can INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 25 peacefully wear away what span of life " may still remain ; and wait calmly till the last order of readiness arrives, that shall command him to rejoin his kindred clay ? * * * * * Come hither. Jack; there is nothing to pre- vent it. Whig and Tory agree on one point, and that is, that Ireland has gone to the devil — and its game, like an advanced guard, has pre- ceded the main body by a forced march. With you, hounds have generally disappeared ; and a fox is regarded as a curiosity. When a boy, I have seen thirty red-deer in my walk ; and they tell me, that between the Shannon and the sea, the mountains do not now contain a score. Grouse and partridges are miserably reduced : and the river, in which I could have once killed three sahnon in an evening, has been diverted from its course, and there for years that lish has been unknown. Your lakes are utterly destroyed ; for. Whig-like, pikes obtained possession — and where, in fading sunset, I watched a thousand undula- tions sparkle upon the golden surface of Lough Carra, its bright blue water is now unbroken by a rise ! Can you deny the charge ? Ichabod ! your glory is departed ! But, alas ! save sport by ^' mere and muir," for your state of siege I have no commensurate ex- citement to hold out. Here, the hall door remains 26 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. unlocked, and the casements are totally unpro- tected. Mark, how differently we hve. Should the tones of an unknown voice be heard in our respec- tive dwelhngs after nightfall, you would confront the stranger " armed to the teeth while I would provide nothing for our meeting but the dram- bottle. For the shooting of a man, they tell me that in Tipperary, where these things are cor- rectly understood, a couple of pounds is con- sidered a sporting remuneration — now, from John o'Groats to Gretna Green, you might search Scotland over, and not obtain a con- tractor for the job ; ay, if you offered a cool hundred. The people here are " dull as ditch- water :" all are moral and straightforward. No delicate inquiries — no compromises of felony, through the pious and profitable intervention of the church. Here, scan-mag is never heard of; and while the office of the Justice is becoming a sinecure, the cuttie-stool has fallen into disuse. " Tell it not in Gath ! " — even on Good Friday, a haggis is not held abominable. Men use a chapel as a house of prayer ; and there rents are not allowed to be collected ; and there, that sacred impost," to wit, Daniel's own, has never found an advocate. Indeed, I half believe, that if his " pou was in the tow," and a shilling would free " the craigie frae the hemp," the kirk would not contribute a bawbee. But then they INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. 27 are a blind and stiff-necked race. Not one of them, even sub sigillo confessionis, would confide to the minister those family occurrences which they foohshly consider to be sacred. They go to their account unanointed and unannealed and are so little alive to the blessed advantages of excommunication, that cursing from the altar is unknown. Indeed, you might go for years to kirk, and never from the pulpit hear a maledic- tion. I have some doubts, that if the boldest clerk ventured to anathematize a sinner, he would be placed directly upon the Strathbogie list — and permitted to retire forthwith, and that, too, without rank or pay. *«!», ill *li *F ^ 'TfS Jack — I accept your offer : I grant your conditions to their fullest extent, and the terms shall be honourably fulfilled. While thou shalt remain my guest, the State must be left to its fate ; for politics shall be excluded from our sym- posia, and the words Whig and Tory" banished from our nomenclature as things unmentionable. We will talk of old times, and old friends. Thy steeple chases shall be ridden anew ; and thy rasping fences be taken in sporting style a second time on Splinter-bar, that best weight-carrier in Roscommon. Thou shalt chronicle thy best runs, and describe every incident in the chase, from the time the red rascal " broke cover at 28 INTRODUCTORY EPISTLE. Knockmore, until you went into him, without a check, at the cross roads of Duhallow. And shall I not recall past adventures ; fight all my battles over again ; and tell thee of " Moving accident by flood and field?" Have I been a wanderer through life — travelled from Dan to Beersheba/' and found all things barren ? Marry, not I. When the gale whitens the dark waters of Lough Long, and the rain- drops strike fast and heavily against the case- ment, thou shalt listen to tales of other times, and scenes in other lands : and many an actor who mounted the deadly breach," or whose last sigh escaped upon the field of victory, shall pass " in shadowy review " before thee. Come hither. Jack, — I shall impatiently ex- pect thee. Here, thy father's son shall receive the hearty welcome of a highland home. We will while the day away by stream and hill side ;" and when evening falls — when The lamp is lighted, and the hearth is trimm'd," thou shalt luxuriate over Glenlivat that would tempt Father Mathew to apostatize his thin potations," and listen to the rambling recollec- tions of A Soldier of Fortune. CHAPTER I. A FIRST VISIT TO SCOTLAND MY FRIENd's YACHT RUN ACROSS CHANNEL — KILBRENAN SOUND LOCH FYNE EVENING A HIGHLAND GENTLEMAN NIGHT ON LOCH FYNE ROSE OF ALLANDALE INVERARY — YACHT-FLEET MORNING PREPARA- TIONS SCENE FROM THE HIGH GROUND — GUNPOWDER A BLOW- UP HOISTING OF THE COMMODORE's SWALLOW-TAIL — DINNER — ANECDOTE — CATH SLEIBH AN t' SHIORA—THE BALL — HIGH- LAND COSTUME THE LADIES AN INVITATION — A SCOTTISH SABBATH SINGULAR INCIDENT— A HIGHLAND HOME. Your letter has given me unaffected sorrow; and although personally unknown to him, your / friend's bereavement excites my warmest sym- pathy. Looking at death as the mere cessation of animal existence, the thing is a common-place occurrence. It is the only certain event on which humanity can calculate — a debt sure to be demanded — and the only question, whether the payment be prompt or procrastinated. But the circumstances under which the claim is made, — it is these that render it a matter of affliction or indifference. The soldier closes the account upon the battle-field. Well ; that is the fitting place. The sailor finds an ocean grave ; he sleeps merely in his own element. In walks 30 FIRST VISIT TO SCOTLAND. of life professionally dangerous, the one great contingency is of too frequent recurrence to occasion aught beyond a momentary interest; and in the routine of duty, or more perilous excite- ment, the memory of the departed is forgotten. But to gentler spirits, and to the holier rela- tions of human life, death comes in all his terrors. I never loved, and was beloved ; no plighted hand was ever grasped in mine ; no child lisped from his nurse's knee" the sacred name of father; yet I, to whom these softer ties are alien, can feel acutely for your friend, and fancy well the extent of his visitation. To lose, ere one brief year had sped, a wife and child together ; she, whom you describe as one in whom a man's whole soul might centre," — God pity him, poor Momner ! His trial has been severe. % ^ ^ ^ ^ You calculate on being absent for a twelve- month. The call of friendship is sacred, and you are right to make the sacrifice. There is no suffering for which time has not a balm; and other scenes, and other skies, may tranquillize a wounded spirit. Fear not : your request shall be obeyed. I will write frequently, and chronicle those wan- derings in which I trusted you would have been a fellow adventurer. ***** FIRST VISIT TO SCOTLAND. 31 You asked me, in a former letter, what caused me first to make "the land of cakes" my abiding place? I reply, the same influ- ence to which I ascribe the most important actions of my life — sheer accident. No man has drawn more liberally on Dame Fortune than myself ; and though she has now and again played me a jade's trick, still, take her all in all, she has proved herself a gentlewoman. How frequently have I trusted to her guidance ! — I have deposited my person in a stage coach, reckless v/hether the driver turned his " leathern conveniency" to the east or to the west; I have stowed myself in a steamer, ignorant of its desti- nation, and indifferent whether the same should prove Gravesend or Boulogne ; and yet my voyages were seldom unprofitable altogether; and if I found little to learn, I found at least enough to laugh at. It was in a mood like this, that late in August, 183 — , I dropped, most unexpectedly, upon an old Peninsular acquaintance. In the Pyrenees I remembered him a light dragoon ; in garrison, ten years afterwards, I left him " a kilted high- lander;" and now, upon the quay of Belfast, I detected him under the costume of a Guernsey fisherman. For the latter transformation he duly accounted, by pointing out a first-class cutter yacht, and informing me that his sword had been 32 MY friend's yacht. turned into a marling-spike. He was bound for Scotland, he added, to attend the Inverary re- gatta ; had two friends on board, and also a cabin, at my service; and, moreover, he was only waiting for the evening tide to get under weigh. Nothing could be more opportune, under every circumstance, than this invitation. To me it was idlesse all," — Scotland an unknown land, — and I had heard fascinating accounts of the beauties of its romantic scenery, rendered doubly interesting by its legendary lore and historic as- sociations. I embraced the offer of the quondam light dragoon, and at twilight embarked my per- son and effects. We got our anchor presently ; ran down the lough with a leading wind; and at midnight I bundled to my berth, in that com- fortable and christian-like frame of mind and body, which a good supper and a liberal deoch an duris is certain to engender. As I went to sleep, the Maiden Lights were seen two miles to lee- ward, and nearly a-beam the cutter — and I awoke with the noise of the chain-cable rattling through the hawse-hole, as we let go our anchor in the harbour of Campbeltown. Few will imagine, who have not experienced the agremens of a first-class yacht, what comfort, nay, luxury, will be found on board. The ele- gances in arrangement ; the ingenuity by which every inch of space is turned to account; the MY friend's yacht. 33 neatness in furniture and fittings ; all these, to a stranger, are subjects of admiration and sur- prise. Nor are its culinary capabilities less remarkable. In a yacht, the creature-comforts of this world are always liberally provided ; and to guess, by gastronomic effects, in the artistical selection the devil has no voice. Apicius himself, now-a-days, might venture on a cruise. Apicius — shade of Sir William Curtis ! — what was Apicius to thee ? An abomination of Kitchener to a master-piece of Ude — a sheehien house to the London Tavern. We landed after breakfast ; added a black- face to our sea-stock ; obtained a supply of sea- fish alongside ; and at noon proceeded to our destination. A light breeze carried us past the old Castle of Saddel. I have a weakness anent old build- ings ; and I never pass a ruin hallowed by anti- quity, that I do not wish I had the power to effect its restoration. The approach to Lough Fyne, through Kilbrenan Sound, is generally interesting, and to-day it was particularly so. The mountain scenery was varied by atmospheric changes; and as we opened the romantic entrance to the Kyles of Bute, a little squadron of smaller yachts^ on their voyage from the Clyde, were entering the Lough, en route to In vera ry. They carried D 34 KILBRENAN SOUND. a light breeze along with them, which had to- tally deserted us. One after another, their white canvass disappeared behind the point of Skipnish ; and, excepting two black-sailed fishing-boats, we remained the only thing of life" in view. Tiding it gently on, we drifted past the ruins of a castle — once, from its commanding position, no doubt, a building of importance — and opened the entrance of Lough Gilp. We saw the va- riable breeze steal after us from Garrock Head ; in a few minutes we felt its influence — a crowd of canvass Woo'd the soft kisses of the wind !" — and when we went down to dinner, the cutter was creeping fast along theTarbet shore, although at table the motion of the vessel was imper- ceptible. Evening fell. The light breeze, become yet lighter, at times scarcely gave the cutter steer- age-way ; and as we rounded the point of Otter, the sun looked his last" upon us, and sank be- hind the Paps of Jura. Nothing could be more beautiful than all around us. It was a scene of quiet loveliness. The lake, almost unruffled by the wind, which now and again stole in cats'-paws over its glassy surface — the heights and woods, tinted with all those varied hues which dying day" produces — while, far as the eye could range. LOCH FYNE. 35 the lake was speckled with dark-sailed fishing- boats, hastening to the entrance of Lough Gilp to commence their nightly labour. They passed us, till night fell, in marvellous numbers; and when we remembered the many villages we had seen, each cabin half-concealed by curtains of herring-nets suspended from lofty poles to dry, and the beach before studded with countless row-boats, it appeared almost miraculous, prolific as nature is, how she could supply the endless calls made in Lough Fyne upon her bounty. As we were still a dozen miles distant from Inverary, darkness must overtake us before we could reach our destination. To all on board Loch Fyne was strange. The chart apprized us we had a shoal to pass; and we called a council of war to decide whether we should come to anchor, or grope our way to Inverary with the lead. From this perplexity, the civility of a Highland gentleman relieved us. As he passed us in his little schooner, we hailed, to ask some information. The word *^ strangers " had magical effect. He pressed us to accept mutton, fish, and whisky — seemed disappointed that we were too largely supplied to allow us to avail ourselves of his kindness — and putting one of his own crew on board as pilot, he sent us on our way rejoicing. The Highlander was going into Loch Gilp Head for the night, and consequently our courses were D 2 36 NIGHT ON LOCH FYNE. opposite. As the vessels crept away from each other, his piper favoured us with a parting tune. For its melody I will not be answerable ; but for volume (I think that is the term musicians call it by), I would take my corporal oath, were the wind fair, the pibrock might have been heard at Jnverary. Under the guidance of our kilted Palinurus, we passed the sand-banks safely ; and, as the breeze freshened, hastened to our destination. It was now pitch dark ; but a light a-head, and the merry notes of a well-played bagpipe, told us that we were not alone upon the waters of Loch Fyne, and that there were other voyagers belated like ourselves. Our loftier canvass enabled us to come up quickly with the stranger, which proved to be a small yacht from the Clyde, freighted with several families. Lowland and Highland, and bound for the regatta. A merrier company never navigated an inland loch at midnight. Laugh, and song, and revelry," — all were heard at intervals; and over the calm waters of the glassy lake every sound was wafted so distinctly, that they seemed as if spoken on our deck. As we ranged along- side, the piper having fairly blown himself out with The Campbells are coming," a partial silence succeeded. It was but momentary ; for one of the sweetest voices I ever listened to THE HOSE OF ALLANDALE. 37 began to sing The Rose of Allandale." If you want, Jack, to hear a Scottish melody — Hsten to it from Highland lips — and if those lips be like her's on whose witching notes" I hung — like her's, rosy and pouting, ^^as if some bee had stung them newly/' — you will have cause to bless God, as I did afterwards, that *' Nature, and Nature's works, lay hid in night;" or, even were you like me, a man of snow, that Highland girl and her sweet ballad, would " have been the spoil of you" for ever ! In half an hour the twinkling of the town-lights told that we were abreast of Inverary, and the anchor was let fall. After supper, I drank a deep bumper to the unknown siren, and went to sleep dreaming of the Rose of Allandale. To the last moment of my life I shall recol- lect the scene unexpectedly reserved for me next morning ; and on coming upon deck, I was over- powered with rapturous surprise. It was a splen- did autumnal day ; the sky was cloudless, and a flood of sparkling sunshine played over the blue waters of the lake, whose surface was not broken by a ripple. In a little bay, encircled with wooded heights, the yacht was anchored a cable's-length from land ; and on whatever side the eye might turn, the panorama was complete. The northern view was magnificent. Half a 38 INVERARY. mile off, the ducal residence of the Argyle family was finely exhibited. Environed with every variety of woodland scenery, the noble building holds a commanding aspect ; while the hill of Doonichoich, raising its conical top to a height of seven hundred feet above the level of the lake, and timbered to the very summit, adds its fine feature to a landscape of exceeding beauty. Nor were other objects wanting to render the castle and town additionally imposing. A fleet of nearly thirty yachts were anchored in the bay, and gave a life-like character to all around them. In the distance, other white-sailed vessels were seen drifting up the loch ; boats passed frequently to the shore, backwards and forwards ; while the occasional arrival of the humbler pinnace of a " bonnet-laird," — his oarsmen distinguished by some botanic badge, and his piper " skirling a gathering" as they treaded the fairy fleet, — an- nounced the important intelligence, that in the little smoke-dried Highlander whose person and portmanteau were deposited in the stern-sheets, they carried Caesar and his saddle-bags." As the morning wore on, the business of the day became momentous ; and from yacht to yacht the transit of boats increased. At noon, the commodore was to hoist his swallow-tail ; and, in due honour, that meteor-flag doomed not to brave the battle but the breeze, was to be saluted MORNING PREPARATIONS. 39 by the fleet. I observed that preparations were making in the cutter, and that divers brass guns were uncased, and, after a due examination, de- clared ready for action. Now I detest gunpowder nearly as much as the gentleman who, perfumed like a milliner," put Hotspur in a passion ; and, therefore, I requested a shove a-shore, with the prudent intention of witnessing the ceremony d la distance. To amateur artillerists I have a desperate antipathy. Every man has a right, if he pleases, to get hoist by his own petard," — but modern gunners have a confounded knack of throwing a wad or tompion direct into the centre of the spectators ; and consequently, I determined to take a position where, even under the concentrated fire of the whole fleet, I might remain unscathed — Dis aliier visum. Selecting a rising ground above the inn which domineered the bay, and commanded a glorious prospect of loch and mountain, I sat down upon a fallen tree, and calmly looked upon the nautic preparations. I half regretted that I had come into this ^* knavish world," unprovided with a painter's bump upon the cranium, for an artist's pencil never embodied a more splendid scene. It was, in truth, a glorious spectacle. Lake, hill, and wood ; castle, and town, and shipping ; all extended at my feet. I looked at my watch ; it was close upon the stroke of 40 GUNPOWDER. noon; and in a few minutes, harbingered by the flash of red artillery," the commodore's pennant would flutter gaily at his mast-head. I wish that villanous composition called gunpowder had remained, like the philosopher's stone, incognito. A monk, they say, discovered it. Monks and mischief are synonymes, if an Italian proverb may be credited ; and, God knows, his reverence might have been better employed than in abstracting saltpetre from " the harmless bowels of the earth," for no other purpose than sending gentlemen to heaven be- fore their time. I was blown up at Badajoz. Well, that was bad enough ; yet still it was in my vocation, Hal." But now, in all the security which a high hill and safe conscience begat, I narrowly escaped going aloft with the full accom- paniments of smoke and sound, even before the queue d'aronde of our gallant commander. For a few minutes a rustling noise was audible from a hedge behind me ; and surely there was nothing in that to cause alarm : but, presently, a man bounded through an opening in the fence, betraying unequivocal symptoms of hurry and confusion. Ye had better rin !" he shouted as he passed me. Run ! Why should I run ?" was a natural interrogatory. Still, con- tinuing his flight, my informant, after consigning to the deil folk who would ask fule questions," A BLOW-UP. 41 condescended to intimate that I was unco near the poother!" — Unco near/' indeed : for before I had time to articulate the word Where?" up went a shower of earth and stones, veiling my person in smoke and sulphur, like Zamiel's in Der Freyschutz. That I had not mounted with the blast, seemed miraculous ; and that I escaped a broken head afterwards, was stranger still ; for all around me, I heard the fragments falling on the • sward. After muttering a prayer for my deliverance, I consigned this Highland engineer to the infernal gods ; but Donald, suspecting that it would be prudent to play least in sight, took care not to favour me with a second interview. But " louder still the clamour grew," as the sun went over the fore-yard," and up went the commander's swallow-tail. The appearance of the honoured bunting was signal for an awful cannonade. An hundred patereroes spoke to the heavens, and a hundred echoes gave reply. Nothing could have grander effect than the volleys, as they were reverberated through the mountains, rolling from hill to hill, until they died away at last in distant murmurings. And then came the dinner and the ball. At the former, none but the male sex appeared ; and the company exhibited a curious melange. There were denizens of Cockayne, and gentlemen 42 ANECDOTE. from Ireland ;" Paisley folk, and Glasgow bodies ; chiefs, with unpronouncable sobriques — being ap- pellations taken from their respective estates ; — highland and lowland, far and near — all had collected for the occasion. A feeling of general good humour appeared to pervade the whole ; and the resident gentlemen seemed anxious to treat the stranger visitors with pointed civility. While we waited until dinner was announced, I recollected, under similar circumstances, having witnessed a ridiculous occurrence when in Galway. I had been invited, with some other officers of my regiment, to the annual entertainment given by a celebrated sporting community, since defunct, called " The Blazers ;" and being all duly assem- bled, we were in momentary expectation of re- ceiving a summons to the eating room. Suddenly an uproar was heard within ; and a waiter, with hair erect," rushed into the presence. What the devil's the matter?" inquired the chairman. Oh, my lord, my lord !" responded the affrighted attendant ; " Come quick, for the love of Jasus, or there will be bloodshed immadiately ! The servants have fallen out about their rank, and they're murderin' each other wid pickled onions !" At this Highland festival, however, all, even to the attendants, seemed bent upon hilarity and THE BALL ROOM. 43 good fellowship — and none were uproarious but the pipers. Their number was legion ; and the announcement of dinner proved the signal for a general outbreak. You may remember, in the old 2 — th, on the anniversary of a battle, that it was our custom i' th' afternoon" to drink to its memory pottle-deep/' while the band, in single file, marched round the room, playing the British Grenadiers." A blast from a trombone, point-hlanc, is no joke ; but. Heaven help us ! what is it to a Cath sleibh an f Shiora,^ exe- cuted within a foot of the tympanum, by a fellow six feet high, and a chest sufficiently capacious to become substitute for the bellows of a smithy ? From the dinner-table there was an early adjournment to the ball-room; and, as I went late, the festive scene appeared in all its glory. Most of the Highlanders wore their native dress ; and many of the fairer sex, also, sported their respective tartans. To the latter the plaid was particularly becoming; and I should say, that this arose chiefly from the great simplicity with which it was put on. Not so the costume of the gentlemen ; they, with few exceptions, were dressed in bad taste, and overloaded with glittering ornaments. To bear upon the person the full detail of a Highlander's accoutrements, * Military music of the M'Kenzies — the dinner-call of the 72d. 44 HIGHLAND COSTUME. requires that the figure should be commanding, or, at least, if under-sized, that it should exhibit both strength and symmetry. ^* Stout gentlemen" will find their bulky proportions but httle bene- fited by wrapping their hurdies in a philibeg and on the thin, the diminutive, or the ill-formed, the dress becomes absolutely ridiculous. Besides the frame-work of the man, a certain '^setting-up" is wanted, — a soldier's dress requires a soldier's bearing, — Cuciillus non facit monacJmm ; and, would you point that proverb, contrast with a flanker of the 4 2d a bonnet-laird" of stunted height and slim proportions. Garnish him, as Dr. Kitchener would say, with dirk and broadsword ; add pistols and powder-horn ; and furnish him with every lethal appurtenance be- side, even to the knife within the garter. Alas, after all, you might as well compare Goose Gibby with Roderick Dhu ! — make him a walking armoury, — still, *^ the man's the man for a' that." Shall I be burned in efligy, or in proper person suffer martyrdom, when I whisper that there was not a beauty in the room ? Well, ^^pit and gallows" are long since out of fashion, and I will boldly avow the fact. If you want to look upon woman such as Rubens painted, seek her in England, for there is beauty's home. If you would have wit, and gaiety, and loveliness combined, I'll back "ould Ireland" against the THE LADIES. 45 world for that. But if you would avoid being regularly bedeviled, and that, too, before you even dreamed you were in danger, keep out of Scotland if you love me." At the Inverary ball I was presented to a Highland girl. Beyond a claim to prettiness, she could not put forward a pretension. With a profusion of light and silken hair, she had hazle eyes full of espieglerie ; and such teeth. Jack, — for . one kiss I would forfeit my chances in the next brevet. I danced with her; talked to her; and listened to a voice upon whose " accents hung The sweetness of the mountain tongue" — until her mother claimed her. Jack, had I been but twenty years younger, and richer by twenty thousand pounds, by all that's matrimonial — had she accepted the offer — I would have made her Mrs. O'Flagherty upon the spot ! My introduction to the Land of Cakes, you will probably say, was made under those peculiar circumstances which would render any country agreeable for the time. Well, I do admit, that, in my first view of Scotland, I saw it to advan- tage; and consequently, that the earliest im- pression was most favourable. I know, that in the crowd, much of what one meets with is arti- ficial and insincere. A man's character cannot 46 AN INVITATION. be determined during the course of a single com- potation ; nor could I venture before " the next justice of the peace," and attest the amiability and good temper of a young lady, with whom, among " Quips, and craiiks, and wanton wiles, Nods, and becks, and wreathed smiles.'" I had gone down a contre dame, and picked a cold chicken afterwards. Of all suspicious mor- tals, ancient bachelors are the most suspicious ; and hence I was particularly desirous to ascertain whether that warmth, and gaiety, and artless- ness of manner, which I had admired in public, was also apparent in the more private relations of society, and exhilarated the retirement of a highland home. The opportunity I longed for was not wanting ; for we received from a gentle- man, resident in the neighbourhood, an in\itation to stay with him for a few days on the termination of the reo'atta. In company with several yachts, we got under weigh, and, ^^ith a light breeze, stood down the loch ; and, late in the evening, parting from the little squadron, we anchored in a small bay ^\-ithin gun-shot of the laird's mansion, where our presence was expected the next morning. AMiat a contrast did that morrow present to the noise and busy preparation with which, during the preceding week, each succeeding day A SCOTTISH SABBATH. 47 had been ushered in ! The sky was clear and cloudless ; the sea was " dressed in smiles the peasant rested from his labour; and nature, in perfect repose, gave an additional tranquillity to the hallowed quiet of a Scottish sabbath. Not a sound was heard, save the distant tinkle of the church bell, which came stealing in softest music" over the blue waters, and *' Summoned sinful man to pray." On the wide expanse of the loch, which yester- day was speckled with a hundred sails, nothing but the sea-bird was afloat. The crew were unusually silent ; and the yacht itself, seemed sleeping over its anchor. We had finished breakfast, and from the cutter's deck were looking on the tranquil scene around us, when a very singular incident oc- curred. Suddenly, at some distance from the yacht, the sea all round assumed, here and there, a bloody hue ; the shade varying from dark to light, and changing colour with unaccountable rapidity. Gradually, these sanguine spots ap- proached the cutter, and enabled us to ascertain what caused them. In myriads, dense masses of small shrimps played round the vessel, rendering the multitudinous sea" incarnadine, and " Making the green, one red." Probably, the bright copper on the yacht's hot- 48 A SINGULAR INCIDENT. torn had attracted them, for they remained for a considerable time about the vessel, and rose and fell in masses, apparently wedged together to the depth of a dozen feet. Had we possessed the means to lift them, we might have loaded the cutter, and commenced a manufactory of shrimp-sauce. By a very simple contrivance, however, we did take up a barrel-full. To the handle of an open basket we attached a short line, and placing a heavy lead in the bottom to sink it, lowered it over the counter to a fathom's depth. When a mass of these red-coats rose round the stern, we plucked our basket up, each time bringing it on deck half filled. At last, in the parlance of a policeman, the shrimps began to " move on," and give place to a fresh arrival — namely, a scull of lithes and pollocks, which broke the water round us, in numbers com- paratively enormous. These, again, were followed by a play of porpoises, which came tumbling mer- rily on. Indeed, the whole appeared occupied in mutual pursuit of each other ; and this singular chasse continued, until an elbow of the land shut it from our sight. In the course of the afternoon, our host came off in his boat to bid us welcome ; and we returned with him, and were duly presented to a part of the family who had remained at home during the recent festivities. His mansion seemed A HIGHLAND HOME. 49 a fair specimen of a Highland household ; and, in many points, it brought our own old roof-tree to my recollection, such as I remembered it in boyhood. The welcome was warm as an Irish one ; and, with the phrase in which that scoun- drel, Tippoo Sultaun, used to conclude his letters — Need I say more ?" — and there was comfort, without pretence — and kindness, with- out display. In the morning, I shot the muirs with • the laird ; and in the evening, listened to Scotch ballads sweetly sung, or danced reels with the young ladies. During that brief week. Father Time, with uncommon civility, removed ten years from my shoulders, though the old scytheman exacted Hebrew interest for it after- wards ; and to the last hour of niy life I will recall to memory, with gratitude and pleasure, the first occasion on which I experienced Scot- tish hospitality, and w^as domesticated in " a Highland home,'" E CHAPTER II. DEPARTURE FROM LOCH FYNE BUTE THE CUMBRAYS AND CLYDE DUMBARTON INN OF BALLOCK THE ALBUM — LOCH LOMOND CHARACTER OF ITS BEAUTY ROWANDENNAN THE STOUT GENTLEMAN — BEN LOMOND EXPANSIVE VIEW DESCENT AND DINNER. Early, on a fine September morning, the yacht got under-weigh, and, with a spanking breeze, we soon ran the Highland mansion out of sight, where we had experienced so much kindness and hospitahty. As the wind was wes- terly, and the Clyde our destination, we closed the point of Lamont, and entered the Kyles," preferring this passage to rounding the southern extremity at Garrock Head. Nothing can be more picturesque than the island and sound of Bute. Its scenery is beau- tiful and diversified ; and the surface com- bines, in singular variety, savage grandeur with ^* green fertihty." Bute has attained an enviable celebrity ; and, to scenic charms it unites a BUTE. 51 climate of remarkable salubrity. Two places on the island particularly attract the traveller's attention — the mansion of the noble proprietor, and the cottage of Edmund Kean. To the retirement of this "lonely isle" the great artist intended to have stolen from the world; and, secluded from the giddy crowd, have ended here a life which had experienced every vicissitude of those changeful fortunes, to which genius, from- its first struggle to its final triumph, is so generally exposed. At noon we issued from the Kyles, leaving, some miles astern, the Cumbrays, which seem, at a Httle distance, in Scott's words, to " Close the fair entrance of the Clyde." The situation of these " fair islands" is very in- teresting, and their scenic effect equally romantic. Of their white lighthouse and ruined tower, many a sketch has been made by the passing voyager. The latter stands boldly on a cliff which over- hangs the sea, and was once not only a place of strength, but, if tradition may be believed, a royal residence. Like that castle, famed in Irish song,* it, too, dated its ruin to Ohver Cromwell,— a gentleman who respected neither stone walls, nor kingly associations. However the import- ance of Cumbray may have fallen in other * Castle of Blarney. E 2 52 THE CLYDE. estimations, in that of its worthy minister it still remains unchanged ; for, as the story goes, after invoking a blessing on his own population. Mass John adds an additional supplication in favour of ^'the adjacent islands of Great Britain and Ireland." The remainder of the passage up the Clyde was completed within two hours. The river — if river you can call this expansive outlet to the sea — was crowded with steamers and sailing vessels ; and as we passed the openings of the Holy Loch and Loch Long, we caught hurried glances at the most splendid combinations of lake and mountain scenery imaginable. At Greenock I bade my host and his com- panions farewell; and if I did not do so with regret, my ingratitude for the enjoyment of a most pleasurable excursion would have been un- bounded. But I had seen enough of Scottish beauty to create a craving desire to see more ; and now, in the immediate neighbourhood of those scenes, with which, even when under an Indian sky, the romances and poetry of Scott had rendered me familiar, I determined to roam "O'er the wild rock, through mountain pass, The trembling bog, and false morass ;" where already, in fancy, I had been a wanderer. Accordingly, I stepped on board a Dumbarton DUMBARTON. 53 steamer, and in half an hour swept round the base of that " time-honoured rock/' which, for eighteen hundred years, has been so constantly associated with national history. To the fortress of Dumbarton, how many interesting reminiscences are attached ! Immor- talized by Ossian ; possessed, in turns, by the first Edward and John Baliol ; the prison of Wilham Wallace ; and the scene of that un- availing remorse which agonized the bosom of his betrayer ! * Captured by Bruce ; unsuccess- fully besieged by the fourth Edward; reduced by the Earl of Argyle ; surprised, while in false security, by the daring of a bold soldier. Captain Crawford ; resided in by James the Fifth ; and visited by that fair and erring queen — the peer- less Mary ! " Like the greater number of ancient for- tresses, Dumbarton is shorn of its strength, and its military importance has passed away. The plunging fire from elevated batteries, is considered formidable no longer; and from the improve- ments in projectiles, and the increased power of modern artillery, the castle would be rendered vulnerable on every side ; and the frowning rock," which defied the efforts of a royal fleet, would now offer but brief resistance. * A rude sculpture, within the castle, represents Sir John Mon- teith, in an attitude of despair, lamenting his former treachery. 54 INN OF BALLOCK. The most convenient resting-place for a tourist to Loch Lomond, is the inn of Ballock, placed where the Leven debouches from the lake; and thither, accordingly, I proceeded in a vehicle, which in Scotland, God knows why, is called a noddy," This route, of five miles, is rather interesting — and one spot is classic — that on which a Tuscan pillar stands, dedicated to the memory of Smollet. With every regard for the Land of Cakes," excuse me from a commendation of its climate. The morning was splendid — the day, a little dull ; but the evening, like a virago — whose bridled temper at the outbreak becomes tre- mendous — brought down the night in torrents. Fortunately, the little hostelrie was not over- crowded on this inclement evening ; and in mine inn" every thing was absolutely comfort- able, and therefore I had no reason to complain. Although the walls of Ballock were not or- namented with " The twelve good rules, and royal game of goose ;" nor the mantle with " Tea-cups wisely kept for show;" still there were books upon the sideboard; and — tell it not in Gath — an Album, wherein travel- lers were requested to record their " experiences," and chronicle their wanderings. All, however. THE ALBUM. 55 harped upon the same string — heavy charges, and bad weather — with two or three excep- tions ; and these appeared to have been the effusions of amatory apprentices ; with the super- added complaint of an Enghsh bagman, who, hapless gentleman ! had unfortunately arrived when mutton was tough, and trouts not pro- curable. Of both, some interesting particulars had been furnished by succeeding tourists. One of the amatory youths was stated to be an emi- grant to Australia at the public expense ; and the other was taking exercise on the treadmill. But the bagman, as it was averred, had exited under more imposing circumstances, in the immediate neighbourhood of St. Sepulchre, bequeathing, as became a Christian man, his forgiveness to judge, jury. Jack Ketch, and all concerned. " Up rose the sun in beauty!" — And the first peep at him from the window assured me that I should see Loch Lomond in all its loveliness — and that, too, with the comfort which attends steam-locomotion. After breakfast, I stepped on board the Queen of Scots," or the Helen M'Gregor but whether the beauty or the beldam bore the weight of Antony," I forget. Ask me for no descriptions. Jack ; but, as Yankees head their advertisements — Come, and see !" Indubitably, viewed on a fine day. Loch Lomond would repay a pilgrimage. Hear 56 LOCIl LOMOND. what a learned Theban* says— one creditable as the Ghost in Hamlet, and whose word you might take for a thousand : — " Loch Lomond is unquestionably the pride of our lakes ; incomparable in its beauty as in its dimensions ; exceeding all others in variety, as it does in extent and splendour ; and uniting in itself every style of scenery which is found in the other lakes of the Highlands. iif * * * With regard to the superiority of Loch Lomond to all other lakes, there can be no question ; so, in the highly-contrasted characters of its upper and lower portions, it offers points of comparison with the whole. * * * Every where it is, in some way, picturesque ; and, every where, it offers landscapes, not merely to the cursory spectator, but to the painter. * * * With respect to style, from its upper extre- mity, to a point above Luss, it may be compared with the finest views on Loch Awe, on Loch Lubnaig, on Loch Maree, and on Loch Earn, since no others can here pretend to enter into competition with it. There are also points in this division not dissimilar to the finer parts of * Mr. Maccnlloch. CHARACTER OF ITS BEAUTY. 57 the Trosachs, and fully equal to them in wild grandeur. « « « « " It possesses^ moreover, a style of landscape to which Scotland produces no resemblance whatever ; since Loch Maree scarcely offers an exception. This is found in the varied and nu- merous islands that cover its noble expanse ; forming the feature which, above all others, dis- tinguishes Loch Lomond ; and which, had it no other attractions, would render it, what it is in every respect, ' the paragon of Scottish lakes.' " I have seldom found a glowing character of female beauty realized, when I met the fair one ; and expectation, too highly wrought, always ended in disappointment. Hence I was half- persuaded, that the lovely lake, on whose clear waters I was embarked, would, on inspection, be found indebted for no small portion of its celebrity, either to the enthusiasm of the travel- ler, or the poetic painting of the Scottish bard ; and, indeed, the opening view of Loch Lomond is not calculated to sustain its reputation. It is tame, common-place, and artificial, with nothing to elicit admiration, or startle the traveller with surprise. But when Inch Murrin is passed, and the vale of Sweet Innesdale," and the wooded isles of Grange and Tornish, burst upon the sight, then the lake's charms become 58 ROB ROY. most exquisite, and the tourist admits their variety and magnificence. In island beauty Loch Lomond is unrivalled ; for all that forms romance is there embodied.* Every mile we steamed, the lake assumed a new character ; and every ^* spot of beauty" that we left behind, was but an opening to scenery varying and increasing in loveliness. From end to end — from its debouche into the Leven, to its mountain-origin in the wild valley of Glenfalloch, Loch Lomond feeds the untiring eye with match- less combinations of grandeur and softness united ; —forming a magic land, from which poesy and painting have caught their happiest inspirations. On our voyage up, we kept close to the western shore, passing the sweet village of Luss, and the inn and hamlet of Tarbet ; but return- ing, the steam-boat proceeded by the other side, and skirted the base of that huge pile of hills, Ben Lomond. A little further on, we were shown a bold and precipitous rock, named after Rob Roy, and, according to tradition, employed with great success by the daring outlaw, in replenishing his * " These islands are of diiferent forms and magnitude. Some are covered with the most luxuriant wood, of every different tint; others show a beautiful intermixture of rock and copses ; some, like plains of emerald, scarcely above the level of the water, are covered with grass ; and others, again, are bare rocks, rising into precipices, and destitute of vegetation." — Guide to the Romantic Scenery of Loch Lomond. THE STOUT GENTLEMAN. 59 exhausted treasury.* This is the narrowest part of the lake, being scarcely a mile over, and it affords a point from which the mountain extre- mity at Glenfalloch, crowned by the lofty summit of Ben Voirhch, is seen with admirable effect. Still lower down, we reached the little inn of Rowandennan, where I disembarked ; it being the point from which Ben Lomond can be mounted with least difficulty. Besides myself, another tourist abandoned the steam-boat at Rowandennan. He was a stout middle-sized man — neither young nor old, vulgar or distingue ; owner of a brown portmanteau, a Macintosh monkey-jacket, and an umbrella, cased as carefully against weather as the colours of a battalion on the march. He was not strictly referable to any class — he might be a banker or a bagman — a miller or a millionaire. On one object both of us were bent — namely, the apex of Ben Lomond. We dined together. Loch Lomond trout, * "The front and sides are nearly perpendicular, and about thirty feet high; the top is flat, and projects from another steep rock which is considerably higher. Upon this flat portion, it is said, that Rob Roy was in the custom of letting down, by a rope round their waist, those who refused to comply with his demands. If, after being drawn up, they still continued obstinate, they were let down a second time, with the addition of a gentle hint that if they continued obstinate when again drawn up, they should then be suspended by the neck." — Guide to the Romantic Scenery of Loch Lomond, 60 THE STOUT GENTLEMAN. Jack; and black-faced mutton ! — the rear brought up with a grey-hen, in excellent condition ! That is not bad fare for travellers ^^in search of the picturesque and beautiful." What would the stout gentleman drink ? The stout gentleman could drink any thing. Up came a bottle of port — admirable, by the way. You know that I fill fair, — well, the stout gentleman filled fairer ! We eschewed poHtics, and talked of Scotland; its scenery, and game ; its romance, and its glen- livat. Should some whisky be ordered in ? The stout gentleman was agreeable. We sate the evening out ; and a pleasanter companion — after the third tumbler — I never met with — and no man can be on his metal earlier. And now," said I, after we had brewed a deoch an duns, for the second time, we may ven- ture to bed, I think." " Had we not better call a bill ?" responded the stout gentleman. Useless," I rephed ; " as we do not leave until to-morrow." I always pay my bill at night ;" said the stranger. What trouble you must give yourself un- necessarily !" Quite a mistake," returned the stout gentle- man ; you little imagine its advantages. All the personal effects of which I am master in this THE STOUT GENTLEMAN. 61 world, save and except a trifle in the funds, are contained in yonder small portmanteau. I settle all demands against me before I take my bedroom candlestick, even to the chambermaid's gratuity ; strap my * leathern conveniency ' afterwards ; and if the house take fire over night, my chattels are safe, — aye, even to a tooth-brush. Ah, could you but know the comfort of the system I adopt, you must be suddenly wakened by a roar of ^Fire! ' — your room illuminated by a flare of light — your ear delectated by the headlong speed of rival engines, as the Hand-in-Hand runs a dead heat to your hall door, neck-and-neck with the Phoenix — Proxhnus Ucalegon ardet, the next house is in a blaze; and in five minutes you, too, will be in a low, as they say in Scotland. All is hurry and alarm ; the landlady calling, ' Where's the child ? ' and the nursemaid replying, ' Where's my bundle ? ' Valuables flying from the windows, as a luckless gambler scatters a pack of cards. The swell-mob industriously collecting the same; and the police looking on, as officers of justice should, to see that the division of property is equable. You, in the meantime, have slipped into your habiliments, tucked your portmanteau underneath your arm, toddled quietly down stairs — none to stop or stay you — and if the fire is interesting, you may sit down quietly upon your effects, and enjoy the spectacle in comfort." 62 THE STOUT GENTLEMAN. " Your system/' I replied, is certainly that of a citizen of the world." Every country is the same to me," returned the stranger. A bachelor, I presume ?" I belong to that respectable fraternity," re- phed the stout gentleman. " You are not then. Sir, embarrassed with many domestic affinities," said I. I have," replied the stranger, a few distant relations ; and I believe, if a sixpence would save me from the Hulks, not one of them, in Cockney parlance, ' would fork out the tanner and in- deed, on my side, these affectionate relations meet with an honest return." " In short. Sir, you are a person who cares little how the world jogs ; and have few sym- pathies in common with the rest of mankind." And," returned the stranger, wherefore should I sympathize with others, when I found none to sympathize with me ? But, it grows late ; the bill is paid — here is a bed-room candle ; and here a shilhng for the chambermaid. Good night. Sir ; and probably, on our return from the top of Ben Lomond to-morrow evening, I may satisfy you, that if the world and I have shaken hands and parted, I owed it nothing on the score of sympathy." So saying, the stout gentleman took up his BEN LOMOND. (j3 brown portmanteau, bade me Good night," and retired to his apartment. ^ ^ ^ ^ A finer September morning never rose than that which ushered the next day in. The stranger and I met early at the breakfast-table, after passing a night of such undisturbed tranquillity, that the stout gentleman might have gone to rest, without paying the bill or strapping his port- manteau. At eleven o'clock, guides and poneys were announced to be in readiness ; and the stranger, impatiently declining the services of both, started for the mountain on foot — ^leaving me to follow more leisurely and easily, by the assistance of biped and quadruped combined. Although Ben Lomond rises to the immense altitude of three thousand two hundred and sixty feet above the level of the sea, still the ascent to the summit is effected without much difficulty. The highest elevation of the mountain is com- puted to be some six miles from the inn — and three hours are required to reach the apex with- out much fatigue. I need hardly observe, that a bright unclouded day is indispensable to enjoy the advantages of the ascent, — and in this we were eminently fortunate. Ben Lomond comprises three massive divisions, each topping the other in succession. The lower one is clothed with copse-wood ; and the upper ()1 EXPANSIVE VIEW. are heath and pasture. By the western side, the mountain is ascended ; the other presenting a precipitous wall of shattered rock, two thousand feet in height. As the cone of the mountain is approached, the traveller's fatigue proportionately increases, for at every step the surface becomes steeper and more rugged ; but when the point is gained, if a scene of expansive grandeur rewards a tourist's toil, he who labours to the summit of Ben Lomond will be recompensed an hundred- fold. I remember, when a boy, in deer-stalking among the hills of Erris, the game-keeper and I bivouacked near the summit of Carrig-a-Binnioge, and from that lofty elevation saw the sun rise from the Atlantic, and light up a prospect of land and water, which then, I believed to be the most extensive upon earth. Compared with that I viewed to-day, its compass was as nothing. Fa- voured by atmospheric clearness, the eye seemed to take in an illimitable space ; and, probably, one of its most curious illusions is, that Stirling seems almost at your feet, and Loch Lomond and its many islands, show like a thread of water dotted with numerous green specks. Southward, the view comprises all Lanark, even to the remoter Lowthers and Coulterfell, with, in the extreme distance, the Isle of Man. South-west, you over- look Renfrew and Ayr; Bute, Arran, and Jura, BEN LOMOND. 65 the rock of Ailsa, Cantyre, the Irish coast, and, distantly, the wide Atlantic. Imagine the mighty space the eye can range over, and all the variety of surface that space exhibits. You have hill, and land, and water ; for most of the loftier moun- tains appear in sight; and nineteen lakes are visible. Such is the glorious display with which Ben Lomond rewards the simple traveller for his labour; and to the man of science the recom- pense is tenfold. In studying the formation of this primitive mountain, the geologist will find much to interest him ; and, from its rare and numerous plants, to the botanist, I am told, Ben Lomond is a garden. With all his boasted indifference to things which interest the commoner order of mortals, the stout gentleman could not withhold his admiration ; and after we had discussed a cold grouse, and the better portion of a flask of sherry, he actually warmed into eloquence, and during the descent was unusually agreeable. Our visit to the mountain occupied seven hours at least ; and I verily believe, that while it lasted, he never bestowed a thought on what generally appeared to engross his every care — the brown port- manteau. We dined together ; bottle of port as before ; and Glenlivat ad libiUm afterwards. Mountain labour is severe ; the stranger was rather cor- F 66 DINNER. pulent; and no wonder, therefore, that he owned himself a httle thirsty in the evening. Indeed, he complained that he felt a cobweb in his throat,'* — and nothing would remove the said cobweb more effectually, than a judicious admix- ture of lemon acid with mountain-dew. It was a simple and pleasant remedy ; and I am glad to say it proved, also, an efficacious one. The second tumbler disappeared ; and, think- ing that the stranger had reached the confines of agreeability, I ventured to hint at the promise he had made me in the morning. The request was cheerfully acceded to — he drew forth an antiquated snufF-box, took a preliminary pinch, and fabricated a fresh supply of toddy, — and these preparations being complete, — thus ran The Story of the Stout Gentleman, CHAPTER HI. THE STORY OF THE STOUT GENTLEMAN. " Who thundering comes on blackest steed, With slacken'd bit, and hoof of speed?" Byron. It was early in autumn when I received a pressing invitation from a distant kinsman to visit him for a week or two ; and having obtained leave of absence between return days, I set off for my friend's residence. Dick Hamilton was a bachelor, and lived as bachelors used to live in Ireland some thirty years ago. His shooting box was unique, and his stables unexceptionable. He kept a smart stud, and well-stocked cellar. No man rode more sportingly to hounds ; and he could bag twelve snipes without a miss. Fur- thermore, he was blessed with the best trainer within fifty miles ; and you might have safely backed his black-eyed housekeeper for foot and F 2 68 STORY OF THE ankle against the parish for " a pony," and no one would take you up. And yet in the estimate of my worthy cousin's virtues, public opinion seemed divided. Some said that Dick Hamilton was running out like a fool ; while if you were only to believe others, he was merely living like a gentleman. Elderly ladies averred that the aforesaid Richard was little better than a scamp ; and younger ones wrote him down a jewel above price, in whose private person the cardinal virtues were duly concen- trated. In this summary of my cousin's qualities, on the female part there was no concealment, while with the other sex a striking caution was remarkable. Dick Hamilton was a dead shot; and it is astonishing how chary people are in censuring the failings of an acquaintance, who holds the reputation of being what ^^the Fancy" call an ugly customer," and can remove the bonnet from the knave of diamonds at twelve paces — and no mistake." My cousin's domicile was situated on the beautiful bay of . On one flank stood the little sea-port of Westpoint, and on the other the beautiful village of Rosedale. The locality was very agreeable ; and as the beach was fine, the air salubrious, and the scenery picturesque, during the summer and autumnal months gentlemen in search of health, and ladies whose STOUT GENTLEMAN. 69 VOWS against matrimony still remained unre- corded in heaven's chancery," flocked hither, to try whether there was " balm in Gilead" for en- larged livers, or maiden independence unhappily protracted until the heart had sickened with hope deferred," and was bordering on despair. Schoolmen aver that to one great goal human wishes strain ; and that one object, under a dif- ferent name, influences alike the lowly and the proud. It may be so ; and certainly the crowd w^ho periodically resorted to the bay of Westpoint, in active pursuit of health or husbands, was not confined to clique nor circle. There were per- sonages with lengthened pedigrees, precisely in inverted ratio to the extent of their purses ; and some without pedigree at all, whose patronymic would have horrified the college of arms about as extensively, as it would have delectated the heart of a bill-broker. In a locality tenanted by people composed of materials removed beyond amalgamation, it was necessary that the division in society should be strikingly defined. The atmosphere of the village was consequently de- clared aristocratic altogether; nothing allied to trade could breathe there and live ; and to the little fishing-town the vulgar denizens of opulence were consigned. Indeed the mutual abiding places were held as jealously apart from each other as the cantonments of armies in the field ; 70 STORY OF THE and there was nothing in community but the church, the highway, and the sea. Now as my kinsman's shooting box occupied a central position of the bay, he stood immediately between the divided cliques, and occupied what might be termed the debateable land." If he stepped out in his flowered dressing-gown before breakfast, on his left might have been discovered the upper portion of the sylphic form of the Honourable Juliana Beningfield, shrouded from vulgar gaze in the green habihment of a water nymph ; while on his right, in salmon-coloured baize, and like a rival kelpie. Miss Bessie Gro- gram was simultaneously disporting. If he blew a cloud, al fresco, — " his custom i' the after- noon," — he saw the admiral's rooms lighting up for his lady's soiree musicale ; or, on the other hand, if his eyes turned towards the town, the tuning of divers fiddles announced that Mrs. Dwyer's hop " was presently commencing. Although forming an integral part of the village " exclusives," Dick Hamilton occasionally pa- tronized the festivities of the fishing town ; and he whose arm on the preceding evening had encircled the Honourable Juliana Beningfield in the waltz, might, on the succeeding night, have been detected pressing the soft hand of her of the salmon-coloured bathing dress, through the mazes of " Mrs. Macloud," after perpetrating STOUT GENTLEMAN. 71 " The Campbells are coming," with the old apothecary's young wife. Did such ofFendings elicit the punishment they deserved, and was loss of caste the conse- quence ? No ; Dick Hamilton was voted a privileged man, — the young ladies declaring that he could not be spared, while the gentle- men came to a conclusion that it was dangerous to remonstrate, and better far to let him go to the devil by his own way. Such was the general posture of affairs, when, in an evil hour, I accepted my kinsman's invita- tion. The season was at its zenith ; and every closet in which a christian man could be con- tained, was engaged, in town and village, for a month to come. Every grade was in full opera- tion. The bay was covered with parties, y'cleped pleasure ; the mountain studded with dejeune a la fourchette. On the highway, Mrs. Dwyer's green jaunting-car had threatened Lady Hester Tomlinson's pony chaise with colhsion. Nor was there even safety in the church ; for Mrs. Grogram's gros de Naples had invaded Lady Nisbet's purple lutestring in the aisle. But there were other arrivals beside myself ; and of these, two were important ones. They were bilious-looking gentlemen, direct from Cal- cutta, and warranted rich and unhealthy. God knows how many lacks the one had realized by 72 STORY OF THE indigo^ and the other by opium. They were hke as Siamese twins ; but the opivim man wore nankeen shorts and continuations — and Indigo dehghted in tights and Hessian boots ; both cos- tumes being antediluvian, — the shorts having been exploded twenty years before, and tights avoided since Crawley had been executed, knee-deep in leather." The Indians, notwithstanding, were accounted to be undeniable men, and the run upon them was consequently prodigious. They had come to the village because it was fashion- able ; and, like all men of money who spring from insignificance, they were anxious to climb the tree to the very top. It was indeed a fair start between them ; the father of Opium had been a transport, whom the sire of Indigo, as an underkeeper, had conducted to his destination. No matter ; had their progenitor been a hang- man into the bargain, they had rupees enough to cover all. Three days had slipped away, and very agree- ably to a young subaltern, who had been nearly drilled to death, by one of the tightest hands that ever worried a battalion. One evening had been passed quadrilling at Lady Allen's, and another in the more active service of Mrs. Gro- gram's contre danse. Operations at Lady A.*s were certainly less fatiguing and more genteel ; and the refreshments were so elegant and light. STOUT GENTLEMAN. 73 that the most dyspeptic need not have appre- hended that bilious accumulation, which, if there be faith in labels upon pill boxes, is always inflicted upon those " who indulge too liberally at table." Mrs. G.'s was a different concern altogether — God bless her ! her fare was sub- stantial, like herself. She hated what she called " kickshaws ;" give her, she said, cut and come again and certainly her supper would have stood a second call, and defied a grenadier guard of honour afterwards. Nothing, indeed, could surpass the general festivity. In the west, the Indians were to be feted ; and in the east, the marriage of a wealthy sugar-boiler had produced a general saturnalia. On my cousin's table, invitations lay thick as leaves in Vallombrosa." Alas ! in those festive scenes it was fated that I was not to participate. The fourth morning had worn away ; the horses were ordered — for the world were abroad ; and we had left the flight of time unnoticed, while discussing a question of no trifling difflculty. On the following evening Lady Beningfield had announced herself at home while Mrs. Cleaver was graciously pleased to solicit the honour of our presence to meet the sugar-boiler and his bride. At the village we should have light work and hghter entertainment; at the town, cut and come again" was the order of the day ; but 74 STORY OF THE " twice down the middle" for four hours, and in the hist week of August, — that, faith, was no joke. The matter was still undetermined, when old Archy popped in his head to know what horses should be saddled. Having received his orders, the trainer turned at the door, — Hurricane rubs himself against the stall,— his skin is heated still." Pshaw, it won't signify," responded the master. " Gad, Archy, I think we'll swim him ; they used to bathe the horses when I was at Brighton last, as regularly as they dipped the ladies. In Hurricane's case, there should be virtue in salt water. We'll try it." Leaving my kinsman and his groom to decide upon the merits of ablution, I hastened to the beach to take my customary swim. The day was beautiful, the sky brilliant, not a cloud ob- scured its lustrous blue ; while a gentle breeze blew from the sea, tempered the heat, and courted even Indian apathy to exercise. From the little cove in which I was immersed, the high road was only separated by a meadow. I could hear the roll of carriages as they passed along, broken by the sharp canter of some fair equestrian, or gentleman bent on achieving con- quest a chevaly' and determined to witch the world by deeds of noble horsemanship." Many an aspiring cavalier was already in the saddle ; STOUT GENTLEMAN. 75 but I, fated to eclipse them all, was still un- conscious of the celebrity that awaited me. The conclave in my kinsman's breakfast par- lour had ended ; and, as my bath terminated, pre- parations for that of Hurricane had commenced. A training boy rode him gently to the beach unclothed, with my worthy relation and his prime minister in close attendance. Both with latent pride regarded the symmetry and con- dition of their favourite — and " In truth he was a noble steed." Black as the raven's wing, a look announced his breeding ; and if perfect action gave warrant of success, the high hopes indulged by his admirers were pardonable. There is an old saw, — and, like all old saws, a wise one, — in which the task of leading a horse to water is described to be as easy, as it is diffi- cult to make him drink while there. In vain the boy forced Hurricane towards the waves, as they broke upon the beach, but he obstinately refused to wet a fetlock ; and, after every attempt, recoiled more determinately than ever, as if he felt incipient symptoms of hydrophobia — and a light rider, powerless bit, and truant disposition, enabled him to have all his own way. My kins- man's patience, — and of that commodity he never had a stock on hand, — was speedily ex- 76 STORY OF THE hausted. Tlie horse was consigned to the devil — and the rider dismounted in disgrace. " Hang it" he exclaimed, " how provoking ; I wish I had not dressed for the day. You stupid, awkward cur, had you but kept his head to the water, and forced him over the first swell, he would have swam like a sea-gull. Tom," he said, turning to me, "jump up — Lord ! with you upon his back, he will do every thing but fetch and carry." " He has a cursed run-away look," I replied. " Nonsense ; all mere tricks ; the horse is playful as a poodle." " And that bridle, too ; it would not hold a goat." " Pshaw, man, you might ride Hurricane with a packthread." I'll never stick him bare-backed." " Never more astray," replied my kinsman. D — n it, what are you afraid of ? Archy, give him a leg. Hold him short, you young scoun- drel, till the gentleman gets up. There you are — best mounted man, for a hundred, within fifty miles ; I wish Miss Beningfield could see you." " Heaven forbid !" I ejaculated, looking suspi- ciously around me. " Hold your hands low," observed the trainer. Press him firmly with your legs," remarked my cousin. STOUT GENTLEMAN. 77 " Give him the heel/' enjoined the jockey boy. Endeavouring to comply with all these instruc- tions, I did contrive to overcome Hurricane's primary objections to the water, and forced him forward, nearly to the chest. At that moment a heavy wave came swelling in, — my charger lost his footing, and floundered, for half a minute, in desperate alarm, until the reflux allowed him to catch the bottom with his feet. That solitary essay at natation seemed suflicient ; the swell had swept him round — his head was to the shore — and Hurricane resolved to abandon the treacherous element altogether. With flying footsteps," he hurried up the beach ; but when he gained terra-firma, and felt his foot once more upon the sward, then he seemed as if he had be- come a chosen vessel, wherein every demon of velocity might enter and abide. His intentions were never doubtful for a mo- ment ; and as we went off* at score," a volley of good advice was discharged, and parting injunctions were audible. Throw yourself off*," shouted one. " Stick to him like glue," cried another. ^' Mind the stable door," roared a third. The latter danger was fortunately avoided ; Hurricane that morning had no fancy for in- activity, — he had laid himself out for running — and, by heaven ! — he headed directly to the 78 STORY OF THE village, bearing the weight of Antony" along at headlong speed, " As springs the dolpliiii from tlie shark, Or the deer from before the hounds." I once heard that an Irish heiress, who had been thrice run away with and recovered, declared that after the second time, she did not value it a brass button ; like a skinned eel, I presume that custom reconciled her to it. God forfend that I should be qualified to speak on runaway matters from personal experience, or that I should suffer martyrdom again ; for I firmly believe that in the history of abduction, mine was the most grievous case on record. What was Mazeppa's, compared with mine ? True, he too was favoured with a " brushing gallop," but, forsooth ! nothing would serve him but philandering with a countess. John Gilpin was a sufferer also, and, like myself, innocent of any offending that merited the visi- tation he underwent. But how different our careers ! — John was treated all through like a gentleman ; turnpikes flew open ; the rabble cheered ; his friend, the calender, refreshed and re-wigged him ; and he found comfort and con- solation in the caresses of a loving wife. But I was received, where'er I went, as if the brand of Cain was on my brow, — slashed at by coach- men, pelted by potato- diggers, half-lassoed by the double thong of a tandem-driver, execrated by STOUT GENTLEMAN. 79 all, — for those who had no stones at hand, favoured me with a shower of curses, — running the gauntlet through an irritated community, and, like Hudibras, " Expos'd in ciierpo to their rage, Witliout my clothes and equipage." Never was there an unfortunate more to be pitied than myself; and, worse still, none ex- tended me their sympathy ! Although incidents enough for half an ordinary existence were crowded into one disastrous ad- venture, the narration shall be brief. My opening persecution was an encounter with a yellow barouche — and in the fair forms which filled it, I had no difficulty in recognising a portly gentlewoman and her daughters, whom I was to honour with my company at dinner that very evening. My advent was duly chronicled by the coachman, with a " Lord ! ladies, shut your eyes, here comes a naked man !" In a moment an outcry of insulted dehcacy arose from the leathern conveniency," and a forest of parasols were unfurled ; the footman shyed an apple at me ; jarvey cut furiously, but short ; and although the thong missed its mark, it fell en croup, with excellent effect, upon my courser. God knows, he required no stimulus — but he felt and obeyed the call." . The perils of a first encounter were ended ; but 80 STORY OF THE I had no reason to raise an lo Pcean for gene- ral deliverance." In the immediate wake of the yellow barouche, Sir Hugh Gasket was taking his customary airing, in all the security which level roads and a steady cob produces. Horse artillery occasionally charge in line, and mask the move- ment of their guns. Mrs, Penddleton's carriage had effectually covered my advance ; and when the danger was seen by the admiral it could not be averted. He had merely time to anathe- matize my eyes and limbs, roar to me to "^^port my helm," when his weather quarter was invaded ; and away went Sir Hugh Gasket and his cob, not certainly into a bed of roses. Away also went Hurricane. The cut from Mrs. Penddleton's coachman had increased his pace ; but his " strong running" seemed to have been reserved for the collision with rear-admiral Sir Hugh Gasket. But why chronicle the extent of my enormi- ties ? Like the Giaour, " I came, I went, like the simoom, That harbinger of fate and gloom." I overtook Miss Spencer's donkey ; and that virtuous gentlewoman blessed God that she was near-sighted, or, as she declared afterwards, the shock would have killed her on the spot." At the bending of the road I charged the Siamese twins, — drove Indigo over a close-clipped hedge, and Opium into a sand-pit. Ruin marked my STOUT GENTLEMAN. 81 route : on one side lay Mrs, Dwyer's jaunting car, with a broken shaft ; on the other, as vis-a-vis, Lady Allen's pony phaeton, minus a panel. Dis- mounted horses were hunted by barking curs ; and frequent were the inquiries of, What the devil was the matter?" to which answers were returned more various than satisfactory ; some opining that it was a race, and others affirming that it was a robbery. I had just turned an angle of the road, shut in on one side by a lofty hedge, and on the other by a park wall, when, Oh, day and night !" immediately in front appeared the lancer cap and green habit of the Honourable Juliana Beningfield ! Thunderstruck by the unexpected apparition which " blasted her vision," the lady, unable to execute a flank movement, wheeled sharply round, and endeavoured to escape by flight. Her mare was fast, — her horsemanship superior, — the weights were in her favour, the speed in mine — she flogged, I challenged, — nothing could be closer matched, — neck and neck for half a mile ; choice between us a mere toss up ; and the chances considerable, that after all we should run into the village, a dead-heat. But fortune in the eleventh hour stood my friend, and averted this awful consummation. At another turning of the road, the entrance to a meadow was loosely closed with hurdles, and G 82 STORY OF THE with a sudden resolution, I pushed Hurricane at the fence. He cleared it gallantly, left me sprawl- ing on the grass, took half a dozen hedges in succession, vanished behind a copse, and left the race to the Honourable Juliana Beningfield, who, having it all her own way, won cleverly in a canter. To crawl for concealment behind a haycock was my first care ; my next was to consider what means would be most desirable to effect suicide w^ith the least possible delay. Several horsemen galloped past — none dreaming that the lion of the day was ensconced in their immediate neighbourhood. At last, I was blessed with the appearance of old Archy coming forward at a rapid trot. I called out, and he answered ; tossed a bundle of clothes, wrapped in a horse-sheet, over the hedge, and told me he would hide him- self in a quarry not far off, until I had completed my toilet, and was ready to take his horse. Never did man slip on his habiliments in gi'eater haste ; and within ten minutes I was once more a plumed biped," mounted, and upon the king's highway ; while Archy proceeded to make re- searches after the lost quadmped. The first person I encountered was the ojigo malt, my worthy cousin. He was coming to the rescue, as in duty bound ; but meeting me dressed and caparisoned, his fear gave place to STOUT GENTLEMAN. 83 mirth, and, as Scrub says, he laughed con- sumedly." I, however, did not join in the hila- rity, but talked of past danger, ridiculous position, exposure, &c. &;c. " Pshaw, d — n it, man — you will be the regular wonder of the place," exclaimed my comforter, As a performance, Fll back yours for an hundred. Not a man within fifty miles would have stuck to Hurricane half the dis- tance. A two-mile heat, on skin short as velvet and smooth as a billiard-ball — by Saint Patrick, a wonderful performance ! And the best of it is, that nobody suspects you — one swears the unknown rider was dark as a gipsy, while another affirms that he was fairer than an Al- bino. Even respecting Hurricane's complexion, there exists a difference of opinion. They have him, by turns, brown, bay, and chestnut ; in short, every colour but the right one. If you do not desire the dclat of the thing, you have only to sing dumb, and not a soul can establish your identity." Why, then, upon my word, dumb I will be. But concealment is impossible, and an expose is inevitable." No such thing, my dear fellow," returned my cousin. ^' We must just brazen it out. We dine at Marino. Well, of course, nothing but your course de cJievaux will be talked of, and all G 2 84 STORY OF THE that mother Penddleton and the ladies suffered in your onslaught will be duly set forth, and re- ceived by the company with a virtuous burst of indignation. We will be loudest in abusing the unknown — pick Sam Johnson for the hardest terms — and, in the event of a reward being pro- posed for the detection of the criminal, you shall ^pop your name among the pigeons' for a flimsy, and I will top the list manfully, and stand a five-pound note. You may rely upon it that the offence will be plastered upon some innocent malheureux — while thou and I, Tom, will come from the ordeal like gold refined, and not a doubt shall be breathed against our spotless reputations." I could not avoid a smile; after the day's exploit, I thought the less we spoke of spotless reputations," would be the better ; and positively declined being of the party who should that evening encircle Mrs. Penddleton's mahogany. Indeed, I would not have ventured on the trial for an hundred; and I determined, further, to change my quarters without beat of drum, and leave my visit to my kinsman incompleted until the recent escapade had been forgotten. At my especial request, we returned by a different road to that upon which I had so lately made a sensation ; and with a conqueror s modesty, I declined to view the trophies of my exploit. STOUT GENTLEMAN, 85 My cousin — and as it appeared to me^ with surpassing effrontery — proceeded at dinner-hour to Marino ; while I modestly took my departure upon a jaunting-car, to pass time between returns with a retired captain of ours, who, haCving com- mitted matrimony, had wisely turned his sword into a ploughshare. My kinsman, who had promised to apprise me of passing occurrences, proved himself a punctual correspondent ; and on the third day, I received the following epistle : — Dear Tom, There has been ' the devil to pay, and no pitch hot ;' and, under all circumstances, I am glad you ' cut your lucky.' I got tolerably well through Mrs. Penddleton's dinner ; left my name next morning on the ' Siamese twins ;' inquired for Juliana Beningfield; and paid a condolatory visit to Sir Hugh Gasket. Of all the sufferers, the admiral smarted most from your treatment, — for you bundled him into a nettle-bank, to which fact his face bears testimony. I found him ' breathing vengeance' between every puff of the long Dutch pipe, which erstwhile, had been the property of ' some rude captain of the sea,' whose frigate the admiral aforesaid, after a bloody action, had captured off the Doggerbank; and as he was thickly coated with some unctuous 86 STORY OF THE matter to allay the irritation of* his skin — which I should have thought nettle-proof, and tough as a saddle-flap, — he looked like an Indian warrior fresh painted before a battle. For two days I brazened the business out — but proofs came fast, — suspicion changed into ' confirmation strong/ — and this morning, the scoundrel who took a flying shot at you with an apple from the coach-box, tendered his corporal oath that you were ' the real Simon Pure.' A conclave has, in consequence, assembled at the inn, to decide what proceedings shall be adopted; and, as I am not included in the multitude of counsellors, I opine that things look squally. No matter : I'll bide the storm, and duly report progress. Always thine, P. S. — Some cursed newspaper fellow has been making inquiries through the village. Numerous, indeed, have been the versions of the affair. One actually ascribed the fete to Miss Bessy Grogram, who, as it was asserted, had determined to surpass Lady Godiva's celebrated performance at Coventry." Two days afterwards I received the following pleasing continuation from my kinsman : — STOUT GENTLEMAN. 87 " The plot thickens. A wooden-legged com- mander, who revolves around the admiral like a satelHte, called an hour ago with a hostile message ; and Sir Hugh, I hear, has been all the morning practising at a chalked man upon his garden-door. I entered, as lawyers would say, an appearance for you, — undertaking that you should either explain, or make the amende Jiono- rahle, and to the admiral's satisfaction. The baronet's envoy was succeeded by one of a different description, — a solicitor from the Siamese twins. His business was to denounce the pains and penalties attendant on assault and battery, and to seek pecuniary compensation for certain specific damages, besides an alarming dis- turbance of the nervous systems of Opium and Indigo, generally. I thanked him for intimating the intentions of his clients, assuring him in return, that in the first place, you were lunatic ; and in the second, that the very name or presence of a lawyer produced the most awful outbreaks. It was therefore providential, I remarked, that you were happily from home. You had gone, I told him, to Dundalk, to decide a wager of fifty pounds, by riding through a pastry-cook's shop- window. I also assured him that I would en- deavour to keep the object of his visit secret ; but hinted that his clients had better sit up stairs, or they need not be surprised to receive 88 STORY OF THE a morning call, a clieval, through the sash-frame. There is no doubt that the communication was faithfully conveyed ; and the Indian gentlemen, conceiving that they had already witnessed enough of your horsemanship on the high road, have resolved to place the Irish channel be- tween you and them, and start in the morning for Cheltenham. I send you a newspaper. What a ridiculous eclat they give the thing; and the most pro- voking part of it is, that with all its extrava- gancy, every body believes it !" I read the paragraph with astonishment. It set forth that my escapade had originated in a drunken bet — enumerated the accidents wliich had resulted — fabricated a dozen that never had occurred — stated that I had matched myself for a similar performance, " to come off on the next Sunday," and implored the civil authorities to interpose. A deep regret was also expressed, that belonging to the honourable profession of arms, I had so far forgotten what was due to my own character and public morality — and it was broadly hinted, that if Lieut. , of the 2d bat. — d regiment, did not turn a new leaf, no further concealment should be kept, but his name should be given to the world. This deli- cate allusion was about as obscure as the modern STOUT GENTLEMAN. 89 announcement of a crim. con. He who ran might read ; and touching the offender, all was plain as a pike-staff. I consulted my host, — told him the simple story, — and asked him to advise me. Now Captain O'Toole, being a Tipperary man, at once decided that some one must be horse- whipped ; but whether it should be my cousin — the people he caused me to ride over — or the newspaper- man who chronicled the accident — this seemed to puzzle him. Two days more, and a packet arrived, that told me I might as well at once bend to a gale I could not hope to weather. " The world, my dear Tom, have gone mad by general consent ; and public opinion is so wrong-headed and obstinate, that you and I cannot convince people of our innocence. One party consider that you should be sent direct to Australasia — and the only difference of opinion is, regarding the term of your transportation. Another set look on you as the most promising person of the day, — one likely to give a new turn to sporting exploits — and before whom, Thornton and Hawker will sink into perfect insignificance. " The effect of your performance has been to annihilate Rosedale as a watering-place ; and the introduction of an Adamite costume has proved 90 STORY OF THE fatal to the village. Beningfields, Aliens, and Penddletons, have deserted the place as unholy. The best lodgings can be procured for a respect- able song; and of Rosedale"the glory is departed." Of all these calamities, you are considered the author and sole cause ; and I am sorry to add, that consequently, you w^ere burned last night in effigy, the market-place being fully and fashionably attended on the occasion. " I enclose you half a dozen letters. Keep up your spirits. Back yourself, en cuerpo, against any man alive, for five hundred. I'll take half the money, and lend the horse. " Your affectionate kinsman, R. H." There was nothing particularly agreeable in the epistle of my worthy cousin. To be targetted through all the country newspapers and executed afterwards in effigy, were not calculated to raise me in general estimation ; and I cursed the luck- less day on which I had left the royal barracks to take pleasure" at the sea-side. I was also astounded at the extent of my correspondence — and I opened them as suspiciously as if each contained a detonating ball. The first two were from coachmakers, enclosing bills for the repairs of damaged carriages, with an intimation that it was expected that I should discharge them STOUT GENTLEMAN. 91 instanter, A third contained a doggerel ballad, immortalizing my race, with an apocryphal account of all the pleasant conversation which passed between Miss Beningfield and myself during the run home." The remaining three were more important, and therefore I shall faithfully transcribe them. O. H. M. S. [private and confidential.] " Royal Barradis, Dublin, ^'SlR, "^«^.28, 182-. It having been reported in the news- papers, that during your absence from head- quarters you have conducted yourself in a manner unbecoming an officer and gentleman ; and that you intend to repeat your previous offence next Sunday, for a wager of one hundred pounds, I beg to know, by return of post, how far these reports are correct, in order that I may take such steps as may appear advisable. I have the honour to be, " Your humble servant, " To Lieut. — , Samuel Stifstock, Lt.-Col. 8fc. " 2d ban. — regt." The next epistle was from my aunt. Oh ! Tom, Tom, — what language can pour- tray my horror and astonishment ! what words express my feelings on reading the account of 92 STORY OF THE your depravity ! I cannot more particularly allude to your offence ; for my chaste pen recoils from inditing such iniquity. To ride into a church, and na — oh, horrible ! I cannot write the word. Alas ! that the misconduct of my nearest kindred should bring these grey hairs with sorrow to the grave. Your brother Edward — may the loss of worldly wealth open his heart unto wisdom. Poor Susan ; she was a comely maiden to the eye, with a sweet voice in the tabernacle ; and as Mr. Ramsbottom believes, she was destined to be a chosen vessel. As the bird falleth into the hands of the fowler, she fell through the snares of the tempter ; and as if to fill the measure of his iniquity even unto over- flowing, your brother had the wickedness to assert, that the chaste salute of fellowship with which Mr. Ramsbottom commenced and con- cluded his private exhortations, was nothing better than a carnal kiss ; but he was disin- herited, and I'll say no more. I would be sorry to express my apprehensions. But may you both escape an ignominious end ! I have this day arranged my affairs, and set my house in order. My worldly substance is devoted to the work of christianizing Jews, and sounding the gospel-trumpet among the Ashan- tees. To Messrs. Ramsbottom and Shuffleton is bequeathed, in trust, all that I may die STOUT GENTLEMAN. 93 possessed of, with the exception of one shilHng sterhng, which is reserved as a legacy for you. May a happy change be effected in your heart and disposition, is the fervent prayer of Your afflicted aunt, Rebecca Singleton." What a pleasant letter-writer my aunt Single- ton was ! In the annals of the turf, few men had paid more dearly for a gallop. Ten thou- sand pounds, vested in public securities, gone at one fell swoop for trumpet-practice in Africa ! and not unlikely by any means, but I should lose my commission into the bargain. I had read enough for one morning, and half determined to leave Number Six unopened. But fortune had done her worst. No matter what the letter might contain, it could add nothing to my misery; and with this conviction, I broke the seal. " Bally corofiii, Aug. 26, 182—. " Dear Sir, Although not honoured with your ac- quaintance, I take the liberty of writing. No ceremony between sportsmen. I have been a master of hounds for three and twenty years, and from your late celebrated performance, I pronounce you a regular trump. That's my opinion — and I'll back it for a hundred. And now to business. 94 STORY OF THE Denis Daly has a promising four-year-old ; a Langar horse, out of a sister of Miss Modesty, which he offers to back for <£500, against my chestnut colt by Captain Wattle, three miles over a sporting country, weight for age, and to be ridden by gentlemen, in huff. He intends to put up Dan Devitt ; and if you will do me the favour of riding the colt, I will consider it an eternal obligation. Some twaddling spoonies may make a row about your crossing the country without the togs ; but as Lady Kitty Caveson says, ^ Why shouldn't people peel, if they please ?' Sweet creature. Lady Kitty — no gammon about her. — She swears whoever keeps away, d — n her but she'll see all, from the start to the winning post — and she don't matter public opinion a broken buckle. You need not be afraid of Dan. If he rode over a smith's forge, it was because he couldn't help it. His is but Dutch courage after all. He never gets upon the pigskin under three inches of Castigan's entire—and you, I hear, rode your great match without a squib, and cool as a cucumber. " Lady Kitty Caveson requests me to say that she is dying to be introduced. She's the girl ; no humbug ; fine spirit. It was she that flogged Fenwick of the Tenth. Do your heart good to STOUT GENTLEMAN. 95 see her take four feet six, coped and dashed — steady in her seat, as if she were glued to the saddle. She's out to-day shooting grouse, or she would have added a postscript. " Happy to see you at Ballycorofin as soon as convenient ; and if you'll live and die with us, so much the better. " I remain, dear Sir, " Your faithful friend, '^Anthony O'Connor." ''P.S. Will you please name the lightest weight you can ride conveniently, and say whether you go to scale peeled, or if I am to make allowance for the clothes. " A. O'C." Although regularly disinherited, nevertheless I did not avail myself of Mr. O'Connor's invita- tion " to live and die at Ballycorofin," but started instantly for Dublin, to disabuse my aunt, and propitiate the Commander. In neither, how- ever, was I successful ; Miss Rebecca Singleton refused to lend me the light of her countenance, — and the last will and testament of the pious spinster being perfectly to the satisfaction of Messrs. Ramsbottom and Shuffleton, they took especial care to prevent either an interview or explanation. As to the colonel, he reluctantly admitted that the escapade might have been 96 STORY OF THE accidental ; but he always maintained it to be an unsoldier-like proceeding, in a commissioned offi- cer, " to be seen astride a bare-backed horse." If ever there was an innocent unfortunate, that man was me. My name was balladed in the streets — my horsemanship blazoned in the windows of every print-shop of the metro- polis — drunken hostlers hurraed for my ^'^buff jacket," as I passed — and Cockneys pointed me out to their companions in audible whispers as the man wot rides naked." I ventured to the theatre, modestly ensconcing myself in the darkest corner of a side box ; but a quick- sighted friend discovered me before the overture had ended, and I received from the upper gallery such flattering tokens of applause, as induced me to bolt before the rising of the curtain. I entered a linen draper's to effect a purchase, when a feeble voice murmured, Oh, heavens ! here's the wretch !" and Miss Juliana Bening- field popped off her chair, like an alderman in apoplexy ; and while one called for cold water, another intimated it was advisable for me to walk on," to prevent the necessity of introduc- tion to a constable. At last, in sheer disgust, I determined to hide myself in some retirement where my celebrity was unknown ; sent in my papers accordingly ; and in a fortnight the Gazette informed me, that I was STOUT GENTLEMAN. 97 my own master once more — my whole fortune being the regulated price of a lieutenancy. The obituary of the same paper also announced that Miss Rebecca Singleton was suddenly defunct ; and after recording her piety and benevolence, hinted that her death was attri- butable to the sporting delinquencies of her nephew. I was sitting, six months afterwards, in that state of stupid indifference which arises from despair, and reflecting on what woes environ" the man who ventures on a bare-backed horse, when a letter, in the well-remembered writing of my cousin, was presented to me by the waiter of a village inn. All correspondence between us had long since ceased, and I wondered what cause had induced him to resume it. I broke the seal, and read the following brief but satis- factory epistle : — " It's all up with me, my dear Tom — and when this reaches you, Dick Hamilton will be dead as Julius Caesar. I have called too often on a good constitution, and am now beaten to a stand-still. Last Tuesday a fox took soil ; I swam the river, got the brush, dined (for a bet of ten pounds) in wet clothes, and sate out the company ; pleurisy resulted, bleeding and blistering — all gammon — the doctors agree that I am fairly in the raven's H 98 STORY OF THE book— and I'm ready to back their opinion for a thousand. I did you much injmy. It was unintentional; but that's no matter now. I make all the repa- ration in my power. You will have my estate, encumbered only with a housekeeper, a horse {not Hurricane), and a dog ; and will be better off than if you had succeeded to the old fool who endowed you with a shilling. I would write more, but I cannot come to time. I know you will take care of Isabella. Give Waterloo a paddock, and old York, a corner in the kitchen. One word more, and God bless you. Never trust yourself on horseback during your natural life without ' full toggery and a pig-skin settle- ment.' Your affectionate kinsman, R. H." That I have faithfully attended to this dying injunction, I need scarcely assure you. Well may I exclaim — " 111 betide The scliool in which I learn'd to ride ;" and as I advance in years, my antipathy to horse-flesh proportionately increases. I never abide within sight of a saddler's shop, nor pass the Horse Guards by daylight. If I loved a w^oman to distraction, and met lier in a riding- STOUT GENTLEMAN. 99 habit, my passion would vanish hke a dream. For hfe I have repudiated equitation — and even to the grave I will not be conveyed by animals I abhor — for in my last will and testament I have excluded a hearse from my funeral. As he spoke^ the Stout Gentleman laid a moiety of the bill upon the table, handed a shilling to the chambermaid, took a bed-room candle, and wishing me good night, retired to his apartment. H 2 CHAPTER IV. ROUTE TO LOCH KATRINE INVERSNAID — ROB ROY MACGREGOR RUINS OF THE FORT WOLFE — THE HIGHLAND GIRL THE HOSTLERIE HIGHLAND BOATMEN LOCH KATRINE THE TROSACHS — ARDKENACHROCHAN CLACHAN OF ABERFOIL — TOWN AND CASTLE OF DOUNE REAPPEARANCE OF THE STOUT GEN- TLEMAN — CHURCH AND CASTLE — VIEW FROM THE RAMPARTS HISTORIC RECOLLECTIONS — THE TOWN TREASURER. Next morning I was early up^ and a borrower from the morning by some hom^s, — but the Stout Gentleman " was already gone ; having committed his own guidance and the transport of the brown portmanteau to a Highland gilly. He left a civil message, intimating that I might overtake him at Loch Katrine ; — and after break- fast, I left Rowandennan, en route to the more unpretending hostlerie of Mrs. M'Glown. I was rowed along the lake side until I reached the Mill of Inversnaid, whence the road to Loch Katrine branches. The distance between these beauteous lakes does not exceed four miles ; and, although such loveliness was in its immediate vicinity, over a more barren and ROB ROY MACGREGOR. 101 unpicturesqiie surface a tourist never passed. To me, however, there was one object of some interest — the ruins of a small fort erected to control Rob Roy, whose depredations were so frequent and daring in the beginning of the last century that their repression had become im- perative. " Rob Roy," says a little work descriptive of this charming locality, ^^was a gentleman by birth, being the second son of Colonel Macgregor of Glengyle, who left him, as his patrimony, Inversnaid, from which he took his title. Having forfeited his property to the Duke of Montrose, he was forcibly, though legally, dispossessed of it ; on which occasion, his wife also experienced harsh treatment from the Duke's factor. In her husband's absence, she composed the beautiful and pathetic tune called Rob Roy's Lament," in order to excite his resentment on his return. He then commenced that predatory life, in the course of which he afterwards rendered himself so famous. He was one of the last that collected black-mail, a sort of tax paid to purchase security against the incursions of other depredators. He left behind him several children. They were not, however, so illiterate as Sir Walter Scott, in his popular novel, w^ould have us to believe. One of his sons was a Captain in the rebel army, but was afterwards countenanced by the British 102 FORT OF INVERSNAID. Government. Another son, Rob Roy Og, or the younger, was one of the few subscribers to the first edition of Keith's History of the Church of Scotland, pubHshed in two large foho volumes. He was subsequently, in 1753, hanged for forci- bly taking away a rich and eccentric widow, and marrying her against her consent. Rob Roy himself died at Balquidder, where his grave-stone may still be seen, rudely sculptured with a sword, but without any inscription." The fort of Inversnaid stands about two miles inland from the mill, and it was nothing more, at any period, than a barrack rendered defensible. It had accommodation for sixty or eighty men ; and one of its garrisons was formed by a company of the 3d Regiment, commanded by the future victor of Quebec, then a subaltern in " the Buffs." As a fortress, its pretensions were of the meanest, being erected to repress the incursions of a High- land cateran, and with only strength sufficient to resist a coup de main. Yet its associations are curious, and not without romance. Wolfe was the commandant of the little garrison, and Rob Roy the restless enemy he had to dread — a hero, who died in the triumph of success, opposed to one, who now, in simple Enghsh, would be merely intituled a sheep stealer. Although there is httle of miHtary character, except the site, to mark the purposes for which THE HIGHLAND GIRL. 103 this pile of decaying masonry was designed, there was one memorial which struck me as interesting. Close to the wall which sm-rounds the old parade, a green spot was used as a cemetery for the garrison; and of all who lived and died, there remains but one solitary memorial — a rude stone, placed over his wife's grave, by a private soldier of the Buffs. There is nothing at Inversnaid to memorize the high-born or the brave ; and its only relic is an humble offering to departed love. As the gentleman who carried my traps was particularly uncommunicative, confining his in- formation to a single remark, while passing Inversnaid, that she," meaning the fort, *^ had been purnt lang syne by Rab Ray," I trotted briskly on, and at a bend of the road overtook a more agreeable companion. It was a young Highland girl, with a small basket on her arm, and attended by a shepherd's dog. She was uncommonly handsome ; but the natural grace and symmetry of a figure to which art lent no aid, struck me more forcibly than her beauty. Her dress was merely a boddice and petticoat of home-made cloth. Her feet were bare — but a prettier ankle was never clad in silken hose. She told me she was carrying dinners to her brothers, who were employed in stacking peats upon the moor. Our route continued together for a mile ; and when we reached the path by 104 THE IIOSTLERIE. which slie was to ascend the hill, she pointed out the road that I was to follow, and bade me a kind farewell. I gave her half- a- crown, and she returned the favour with a kiss ; and I verily believe, that in the course of my adventurous life, 1 never expended money to more advantage. When I reached the hostlerie on the lake side, I found the Stout Gentleman already in possession of the state apartment to which the fair hostess inducted me. In its internal eco- nomy the cabaret of Mrs. brought that of Aberfoil vividly to my recollection ; and from a hasty inspection, I would have concluded that, both to the premises and proprietors, soap and water had been long estranged. Like the Athlone landlady, Mrs. was " an armful of joy," and comely withal — but her charms were best adapted for a Moorish market where beauty is sold by the stone. To do her justice however, the whisky was good, and the kehhock^ enough in its w^ay ; and after a sojourn of half an hour, I embarked upon Loch Katrine, and bade the lusty landlady adieu. The boat in which the Stout Gentleman, his portmanteau, and myself were deposited, seemed rather built for accommodation than speed ; and as the Highland rowers came yawning and stretching one after another from the cabaret, I * Cheese made of goat's milk. LOCH KATRINE. 105 put but little faith in previous promises, that our voyage should be accomplished within an hour. But like men of honour, they redeemed the pledge — and though the method of pulling appeared particularly awkward, I never saw oarsmen whose strength and endurance equalled theirs. Besides ourselves, we had three passengers; one was a bride, the second her sister, the third a gentleman of my own standing, who — God pity him ! — had ventured on matrimony at forty- five. From me. Jack, you must expect no descrip- tions. The man who depicts Highland scenery should be a poet — and at that age, when you were wooing the Muses and dipping into Helicon," I had just been emancipated from the '^goose-step," and was learning the art and mystery of trooping a guard." But the dullest mortal cannot look on Loch Katrine unmoved ; even were he our excellent countryman, who admitted that St. Paul's was rather nate." Loch Katrine is irregular, winding through its extent, never above a mile in breadth, and pro- bably some ten between its western and eastern extremities. To me. Loch Katrine is the lovehest water upon earth ; and from wild Glengyle to the Trosachs, I have never viewed such scenery. Beyond, the distance is grand and savage, — and nearer, the hill-sides are soft and beautiful, clothed 106 THE TROSACHS. to the very top with natural wood, where copsewood grey" mingles with darker pine- trees. But when you reach the Trosachs, passing the isle where the hunter-king met with the Lady of the Lake/' and see " High on the north, huge Benvenue — While on tlie southy through middle aii', Benan heaves high his forehead bare," then, indeed, the scene becomes magnificent. A traveller — I forget who — calls it " the High- land Paradise ;" but that term does not describe Crags, knolls, and mounds, confus'dly hurl'd. The fragments of an earlier world."* In short. Jack, you must see the Trosachs ; but as the Itahans do, I won't bid you die afterwards, for many a time (D. V.) we will talk of this singular freak of nature, over a substantial glass of mountain dew." I remember meeting with a half-blind astro- nomer — the most egotistical scoundrel I encoun- ♦ " To describe the Trosachs with a regard only to its materiel, it is simply a portion of the vale along which" (journejdng north- ward) **the traveller has hitherto been described as passing; but a peculiar portion of that vale, about a mile in extent, and adjoining the bottom of Loch Katrine, where, on account of a timiultuous confusion of little rocky eminences, all of the most fantastic and extraordinary forms, every Avhere shagged with trees and shrubs, Nature wears an aspect of roughness and wildness, of tangled and inextricable boskiness, totally unexampled, it is supposed, in the world. The valley being here contracted, hills rise on each side to a great height; and these being entirely covered ^rith birches, hazels, oaks, hawthorns, and mountain ashes, contribute greatly to the general effect." — Chambers. ARDKENACIIROCIIAN. 107 tered during life — who declared that the glory of Loch Lomond lay in its having been the tern- porary abode of the inventor of logarithms.* Now I say, the man should rather be canonized who invented a comfortable inn. If the evening come wet in the Trosachs — and there how heartily the rain does come down ! — I am sure, un-like Macbeth, you would not refuse " Amen," when you found yourself denuded of wet boots arid Mackintosh, and seated before a blazing wood fire, in that comfortable and unpronounc- able inn, y'cleped Ardkenachrochan. In the morning, on coming down to breakfast, I missed my compagnon du voyage ; and on in- quiring for my fat friend, I learned that he had disappeared some hours before, and whither he had gone none asked or cared. I was now alone — left to pursue my journeyings as I pleased, and the world was all before me where to choose." Towards Stirling, therefore, I bent my steps ; and as the classic ground of Aberfoil was only five miles distant, I determined to perform that por- tion of my route on foot. I little imagined that, in this brief space, scenery so picturesque, so beautiful, and so diversified, could have been displayed. From a height above the clachan, upon which Scott has conferred immortality, the view is splendid. * Lord Napier, 108 CLACHAN OF ABERFOIL. In its expanse. Lochs Venachar and Achray ; the Avendhu, or Forth ; the Trosachs, and an unbounded range of rugged mountains — all these present themselves in turn, and form a coup-d'oeil that I never saw surpassed. But, Jack, from cold description you can form but an imperfect estimate of the infinite beauty which he who worships nature," will find in this " Land of brown heath and shaggy wood, — Land of the mountain and the flood." Ere long — if fate forfend not — thou and I will make its pilgrimage together. " We'll mark each memorable scene, And hold poetic talk between, — Each hill and brook we pace along, Shall have its legend or its song." ***** Having traversed the plain of Callander, be- yond which, as tradition asserts, the Roman eagles never advanced, and where the antiquary still points out the traces of a camp, I crossed the Frith, and halted at the little town of Doune for dinner. Immediately beside the village, on a neck of land formed by a junction of the Ardoch with the Teith, stands the ruins of a castle, once of paramount importance. Placed on the threshold of the Highlands," its situation ranked it among the most commanding of the Scottish fortresses ; and, to judge from the CASTLE OF DOUNE. 109 strength and extent of its remains/ as a baronial residence, it was inferior to none beside. Built, as it is conjectured, by an Earl of Monteith, it was occupied during their regency by the Dukes of Albany, and afterwards by the English Margaret," widow of the fourth James. Mary and Darnley in the brief hours of their love used it as a hunting seat ; and so late as the outbreak of forty-five, it was held for the Che- valier by a nephew of Rob Roy's, known fami- liarly by the nick-name of Ghlun Dhu ; and after the defeat of Hawley at Falkirk, Prince Charles made it a depot for his prisoners. What strange events this fallen pile has out- lived ! There dwelt the Scottish despots of the day, the Albanys. It dowered the daughter of an English king ;f caused a foul murder for its * " In form it is square, being eighty feet high and ten thick. On the ground floor there are several cellars and prisons ; and the apartments which were occupied by the family, are reached by two outside stairs. One stair leads up to a spacious lobby, dividing the great hall from the kitchen ; the former being upwards of sixty feet long, and about twenty-five feet broad. The other stair con- ducts to the apartments in the tower, where there is a spacious arch-roofed room, communicating with the great hall alluded to. In the upper stories, there are several apartments. From the arch-roofed chamber, there descends a narrow stair, which leads, by a subterranean passage, to a dismal dungeon, from which all light is excluded, save that which it borrows from a smaU room above, through a square hole in its arched roof, evidently left for the purpose of preventing suffocation, and to let down a pittance to a prisoner." — Guide to the Romantic Scenery of Loch Lomond. t " After the death of James IV. she married Henry, Lord Metbven, a descendant of Murdock, duke of Albany. This mar- 110 STIRLING. wardenship ; witnessed the ardent display of Mary's first and fleeting passion ; passed into the keeping of a Highland cateran ; and, " last change in this eventful history," became a prison first — a ruin afterwards." I heard the retreat" beaten in the fortress as I crossed the old stone bridge of Stirling; and at " tattoo" I was ensconced *^ in mine own inn" most comfortably. Still I was not in peace and charity with all men. The room was snug — the whisky excellent — and the water boiled hyper- critically. But, hang it, one cannot drink alone — the Stout Gentleman was wanting — and the Stout Gentleman had treated me but scurvily, in running away without saying, God bless you ! " as if he had suspected that I was about to borrow money. You know. Jack, that, out of humour, I am helpless. No wife to lecture, nor children to chastise. I cannot now swear at the serjeant- major, execrate the adjutant, and consign the riage took place in 1528; and immediately afterwards, the queen, with the consent of her son, James V., and her husband. Lord Methven, granted to James Stewart, a younger brother of her husband, and ancestor of the family of Moray, the custody of the Castle of Doune for life ; and which right was afterwards ex- tended to his heirs by James V. This ofiice had been enjoyed by the family of Edmonstone of Duntreath, and occasioned a \*iolent quarrel between the families, which ended, as quarrels often did in those times, in the assassination of Jame.i Stewart by Edmon- stone." — Garnett's Toursy Sfc. THE STOUT GENTLEMAN. Ill whole regiment to the devil. Had I even a bag-man to have quarrelled with, or a waiter to abuse ! Not a chance ! I was alone in my glory ;" and, prompt as an echo/' the atten- dant replied to the bell. At last there was a bustle in the hall ; the door opened. Waiter !" said a voice : put that portmanteau in my sleeping-room. Tell your master, he is account- able, under George VI., 6 and 17, for the con- tents. Send in hot water ; see that it boils ; or, take notice, I will neither drink the toddy, nor pay for it !" And so saying, in strode the traveller. By every thing companionable! — the lamented lost-one — the Stout Gentleman ! 1 thought that this unexpected reunion gave the stranger pleasure. He shook me warmly by the hand, and volunteered an inspection of the place in company with me, next morning. At bed- time the bill was settled, selon la regie, when the toddy charge was marked down, per head, four tumblers. The Stout Gentleman made no complaint ; and for the supervision of a tavern- bill, I would back him — d la Hamlet — for a thousand. I never viewed a place venerable from age and hallowed by historic associations, in which expectation was more fully realized, than when I visited Stirhng Castle and its interesting locality. On our way to the fortress we entered the old 112 CUUllCH AND CASTLE OF STIRLING. church, one portion of which had been a pos- session of the Grey Friars, and another erected by Cardinal Beatoun. This time-honoured build- ing now shelters those who use a different form of adoration ; and within those walls, where ''the mass was sung," and tapers blazed, and incense burned, and all the rites the Romish church retains, were once so gorgeously exhibited, the simpler homage of the heart is offered by two presbyterian congregations. What scenes and ceremonies this ancient church has witnessed! Here, that unsteady professor, the Earl of Arran,* pronounced his abjuration ; here, James the Sixth was crowned ; and beneath the same roof, where '' that lordly Cardinal " (Beatoun) had offered up the mass, John Knox fulminated his comminations against what he termed its '' idolatry." When we entered the castle we found the depot companies of the 79th Highlanders under arms, upon the parade — the military occupants of that place of strength, where, in the ninth century, a Scottish army concentrated previous to its victory at Lancarty. Like Dumbarton, as a fortress Stirhng is no longer formidable ; and that rock, which to the mob-like force of former times was deemed impregnable, were it assailed * Regent of Scotland in 1543. STIRLING CASTLE. 113 now with adequate means of offence, would scarcely hold out a second day. Within the walls of Stirling there is much to interest the traveller ; and should the artist wander there, its ramparts command the noblest prospect imaginable. On a clear day the eye embraces the Grampian, Ochil, and Pentland Hills ; the Forth, through all its windings ; and "Auld Reekie," in the distance. Twelve foughten fields" are visible; and that of Ban - nockburn, on the south-east, lies almost within cannon-range of the battery. Many objects beside tell the "parlous" history of days gone by. The bridge where Archbishop Hamilton was hanged ; the mound on which the Regent,* the Duke of Albany, his son-in-law, and his grand- son, were beheaded ; that chamber, in which a Scottish monarch (James II,) assassinated a refractory noble ;f the valley where tournaments were held, and the hill whence beauty, " The cynosure of neighbouring eyes," viewed gentle passages of arms/' and re- warded knightly valour with her smiles; he * Earl of Levenax. He sulfered on the 25th of May, 1425. t As the tradition goes, Douglas had formed a political intrigue in conjunction with the Earls of Ross and Crawford, which James was anxious to dissolve ; and, under promise of safe conduct, he induced the Earl to visit him in Stirling. " The king," says Chambers, " led him out of his audience-chamber into a small chamber beside it, and then proceeded to entreat that he would VOL. I. I 114 STIRLING CASTLE. just below the ramparts. Within the castle, many a memorial of royalty is traceable ; and the palace and parliament-house sufficiently attest its past importance. Here the first James lived, and the second of the name was born. It was the favourite residence of James III. and witnessed the prayers and penance" of his guilty son. From these walls, " the gudeman of Ballangeigh"* made many an eccentric ex- cursion, as love or justice prompted ; and here his grandson, James VI., was indoctrinated at the feet of that stern preceptor, George Buchanan. The seventh James — second of England — visited Stirling in company with the future Queen Anne ; and the last of the Stuarts, in a vain attempt to reduce that castle which, after the fallen fortunes of his house had passed into the possession of his rival, with little skill broke ground at such a distance, that his paltry artillery might have kept up its idle cannonade until doomsday without producing the least effect. From its royal affinities, Stirling, as Chambers break the league. Douglas peremptorily refusing, James at last exclaimed, in a rage — * Then, if you will not, I shall ;' and in- stantly plunged his dagger into the body of the obstinate noble. According to tradition, his body was thrown over the window of the closet into a retired court-yard behind, and there buried ; in confirmation of which, the skeleton of an armed man was found in the ground at that place, some years ago." * James V. STIRLING CASTLE. 115 says, disputed with Edinburgh a claim to capital distinction. Unluckily, however, the Stirling functionary had given place to him of Auld Reekie," at some public banquet ; and that cir- cumstance, in a case where *^ doctors disagreed," was deemed conclusive. To municipal bodies, however, the town-council of Stirling might prove exemplary. While in office, none of the members accepted gift or emolument ; and so unmystified were the Treasurer's accounts, that his debit and credit departments were deposited in a pair of boots ! * Surely these leathern depositories should have been as faithfully preserved as that inestimable jug,f which every toper who delights in honest measure respects as religiously as the Blessed Bear was reverenced by the Baron of Brad- wardine, * " The manner in which the old treasurer of the town used to keep his accounts, when writing was a more rare accomplishment than at present, was sufficiently singular. He hung two boots, one on each side of the chimney ; into one of them he put all the money which he drew, and into the other the receipts or vouchers for the money which he had paid away; and he balanced his accounts at the end of the year, by emptying his boots, and count- ing the money left in one, and that paid away by the receipts in the other." — History of Stirling. t Appendix, No. I. I 2 CHAPTER V. EDINBURGH — THE AULD TOWN NEW YEAr's DAY UNLUCKY NUMBER— NECROLOGICAL REMINISCENCES THE SENIOR MAJOR NAPOLEON AND THE EMPRESS — MURTY DONOVAN GAZETTED OUT OTIUM CUM DIGNITATE BATTLE OF THE BELLOWS ENSIGN ROGERS — AN ALARM— THE CATASTROPHE. We nearly took the same route that Prnce Charlie followed in " the forty-five," — passed Falkirk, reached Linlithgow by Callander, and late in the evening found ourselves comfortably located in Auld Reekie, the occupants of a Prince's-street hotel. I came determined to be pleased with the Northern Athens, and all contained therein. A course of accidental reading had put me in amiable mood, and predisposed me to look on all I saw with interest and approval. I had commenced with Waverley," and concluded with the " Heart of Mid-Lothian," and hence I felt myself on classic ground. When night came and I looked from the window of mine inn, there, sparkhng in full front, were the endless casements of the High-street, as, one above the THE AULD TOWN. 117 other, they rose, flat over flat, until they reached a dozen stories, fully attesting the identity of the auld town." To me it brought more than classic recollections, inasmuch that in the frown- ing keep which crowns it, when a beardless boy I had been indoctrinated in the goose-step, until, after a year's probation, I was pronounced perfect in manual and platoon, and despatched to join the first battalion in the Peninsula, with an assurance from the old Celt, our adjutant, that I was a most accompHshed ancient, and would do credit to any corps. The stout gentleman was absent — possibly arranging his portmanteau — and, as I looked over the deep ravine at the ancient stronghold, w^here a career marked with every vicissitude that attends a military life commenced, memory ran back to days gone by, and many a half- forgotten name rose in my recollection. When I joined the 8 — th, then lying in the castle, — it happened, curiously enough, to fall upon New- year's-day, — most of the officers were dining out — and I made the thirteenth at the mess-table. Everybody knows the fatal consequences en- tailed upon that luckless number. We had spoken of it after dinner— some laughed at it as sheer folly — others as gravely contended that there was in it what passed their philosophy. I wrote down the names of the party in my 118 NECROLOGICAL REMINISCENCES. pocket-book — and yearly examined and chequed off the dead. The ninth anniversary terminated the task — I was the sole survivor ! In no community is the variety of human character more extensive and discernible than in the body politic of a military mess. Here, every tone of temper may be traced, the most opposite dispositions intermingle — gaiety and gloom — the confiding and the suspicious — the single-hearted and the selfish — all are found here. Of the departed dozen I particularly recalled a couple back ; both were unamiable beings ; one, a man whose cankered temper kept him in an eternal fever, and out of charity with all the world beside ; the other, that singular anomaly — a young miser, and the most selfish wretch imaginable. When I first joined the 8 — th we were blessed with a senior major, hot as a pepper-pod. On many subjects he was thin-skinned — but on one superlatively so. A quack's puff would put him out of temper for the day, and an advertisement of George Robins all but drive him crazy. To prevent himself from being taken in, he generally threw a suspicious eye over a paragraph before he commenced reading; but on one occasion, I remember that his caution was unavailing, and a lottery squib of Bish rendered him mise- rable for a fortnight. THE SENIOR MAJOR. 119 It was a memorable epoch. Napoleon had been sent to Elba, and the English lottery was to be drawn the following week. The Major took up the Times," wiped his spectacles, and then skimmed a column over in search of a paragraph that should please him. As he always both read and thought aloud for the edification of every body within ear-shot, it was idle for any one to attempt it for himself while the Major honoured the mess-room with his presence. On went the commander thus : — ' It is generally whispered in the best informed circles, that the Court will make a short visit to the Pavilion.' " Curse the Court and the Pavilion / " ' The trousseau presented to the Marchioness on her mar ' D — n her and her trousseau " * Parting interview of Napoleon and Maria Louisa.' Ah! some sense in this — Poor Nap. /" The Major was what the Yankees call " a sympathizer." " ' It was late in the evening when Caulincourt led the young Empress into the private apart- ment where Napoleon had secluded himself. He paced the room backwards and forwards, appa- rently lost in bitter musings, and for some time was quite unconscious that the object equally of 120 NAPOLEON AND THE EMPRESS. his love and his ambition was beside hini. Overwhelmed with grief, the Empress burst into tears as Napoleon caught her in his arms, and pressed her with ardour to his heart.' Poor fellozv, 'Pon my life, very affecting ! " ' Pressed her with ardour to his heart \ — For an instant an expression of the deepest agony convulsed Napoleon's face, but, by a wonderful exertion, he recovered his self-posses- sion, and the sweet smile for which he is so remarkable again brightened his pale but ani- mated countenance^ " ' Weep not,' he said, ' my beloved one. 'Tis for thee alone I grieve ; and my own fallen fortunes shall never cause a sigh. I have fore- seen the storm, and taken precautions which place me beyond the reach of fate.' That is poison/' observed the Major with a significant wink. " / always said he would cer- tainly commit suicide — ay — * beyond the reach of fate. For I have secured a ticket in the English lottery, which consists of one prize of thirty thou ' '^Damnation!" exclaimed the Major, in a phrensy — "Humbugged by a rascally puff;" and thrusting the paper into the fire, he stamped on it with the heel of his boot, until not a vestige of " the Thunderer " remained ; and then, rush- ing from the room under an uproarious burst of MURTY DONOVAN. 121 laughter, in which even the mess-waiters were obHged to join, he kicked his unfortunate servant out of his apartment, where he ensconced him- self till the dinner drum had beaten — blasting lottery-office keepers in general, and more particularly — Bish of Cornhill. After his own way, the Major was a happy man ; his temper was under admirable command ; for he could lash himself into a passion for any cause or no cause ; and he had resources within his barrack-room not generally enjoyed in com- mon by gentlemen of the sword, and these enabled him to overcome even the tedium of a bad day in country quarters." He always selected, as servant, a man too stupid to be drilled, and too dirty for a pioneer — a person so extensively cursed by all and every who had undertaken to indoctrinate him in the art of war, that to address him without a direct consign- ment to Pandemonium, would have been to converse in an unknown tongue, equally misun- derstood and disregarded. Hence, in wet wea- ther the Major could imprecate every thing but blessings upon Murty Donovan all day, and, if biUious, kick him occasionally, to promote a healthy circulation. Not a whimper would escape the lips of the sufferer — Murty wisely balancing cursing against pack-drill, and coming to the conclusion that it was all in favour of the former. 122 GAZETTED OUT. The Major had never seen a musket dis- charged in anger ; but he was loud in complaints of services overlooked ; the same, v^^ith pecuUar modesty, being rigidly concealed. For years he had persecuted the Horse Guards. The Com- mander-in-chief changed colour when his advent was inscribed upon the roaster, and the usher groaned as he announced the dreaded name. " He'll be the death of me," said the Com- mander-in-chief, with a sigh. May the curse of Cromwell light upon him !'* responded an Irish aide-de-camp ; " give him a lieutenant-colonelcy, and let him quit." He was gazetted — and we lost him. Soldiers are philosophers ; and it was surprising to see with what fortitude the regiment bore his depar- ture. The drums and fifes beat ^* the retreat " as usual, and even managed " the reveille " the morning that he left us. We marked, however, our everlasting regard, by giving him Murty Donovan to bear him company." What luck ye have," said the sentry at the gate to Murty, as he took his final departure. Luck !" returned the emancipated bondsman. " If I could but get off with four-days-in-the- week-pack-drill. But the Lord's will be done !" — and, with that pious exclamation, Murty looked his last upon a barrack-gate. The succeeding winter accidentally brought me QTIUM CUM DIGNITATE. 123 to the Far West, where the Colonel had esta- blished his household gods. En route, I passed his gate ; and I gave a day, accordingly, to my old commander. Had I expected that his otium cum dignitate" had ameliorated his temper, I should have been grievously disap- pointed. He growled awfully throughout dinner at some gmicherie committed by his henchman, the ex-pioneer — and complimented the lady who superintended his cuisine, by observing that meat was sent from heaven, and cooks supplied by the gentleman in black." With two or three explosions, however, the evening wore away ; and in due time we retired for the night. In the Far West, peat fires are the prevailing ones. The Colonel loved a good one ; and, consequently, for bellows he had a curious pro* pensity. Every chamber in his domicile was supplied with this useful implement for its own especial convenience ; and the Colonel would no more attempt to blow the drawing-room fire with the bellows assigned to the breakfast-parlour, than he would read the paragraph of a pill-maker, or the advertised virtues of some greasy abomination, which undertook to grow hair upon a boot-jack. I was tired, and slept soundly and long — it was past eight o'clock — and I was still in the arms of Morpheus. The Colonel was a-foot ; his chamber fire was dull. Well — a blast or two 124 BATTLE OF THE BELLOWS. of the bellows would make all right ; the useful implement dangled from a convenient nail ; the Colonel unhooked them ; — Saints and sinners ! — the bellows were not the bellows appropriated to his sole and separate use, and prohibited from ejecting even one solitary puff on any grate but that belonging to his dormitory ! Awful was the explosion that follow^ed this distressing discovery ; every epithet but lady and gentleman was lavished upon the establish- ment by the irritated commander, and Where's my bellows F" might have been distinctly heard at the porter's lodge. All ran to the rescue ; some with one pair of bellows, and some with two. There were bellow^s from the drawing- room and the dining-room, the large bed-room and the little one ; but the only use to which they were applied by the irritated commander was to pelt the persons who presented them, in the vain hope of deprecating his wrath. When the storm partially subsided, Murty Donovan came to brush my clothes. Oh, Holy Mary ! Mr. O'Flagherty, did ye ever hear such a rookawn ? Will ye look at my eye, af ye plase ? Divil a wink I'll see out of it for a fortnight ; and all because his bellows had a brass pipe instead of a black one. Be this book, I'd give him warnin', only I know he w^ould knock me down — Not a day but we have bloody ENSIGN ROCiERS. 125 murder about something. Troth, I'll lave him, tho' he raised my wages another pound. He'll commit murder yet and be hanged, the unfor- tunit ould man ! " " Murty ! you infernal scoundrel !" was thun- dered from the stair-head. Oh, J — s !" exclaimed the chief butler, as he dropped my coat and flew along the passage. Och hone ! if I was only at pack-drill again. Wasn't it a comfort to be caned and kicked by every sergeant in the regiment, and not mur- dered, as I am at last, in could blood, and with a pair of bellows. Oh, J — s !" The second personage was an ensign ; in years a boy, with the sordid selfishness attendant on anility extensive as old Parr's. When we were relieved by a Highland regiment in the castle, we first proceeded to Ireland, and in a few months embarked at Cork for Spain. At that time, high duties upon spirits caused a temptation to embark in illicit distillation too strong for an Irish peasant to resist. The country was overrun with poteeine ; of course it found its way inside the barrack-gates ; and after mess, we generally had a nightly reunion in our rooms, and there and then, over a hot tumbler; disposed of the senior officers in double quick, and drank to a speedy promotion. Rogers — as the young miser was named — never BOSTON COLLEGE LIBRARY CHESTNUT HILL. MASS. 126 ENSIGN ROGERS. joined in these s?/mposia, but retired to his own room after dinner — as some averred, to pray, and others, to mend his stockings. By the way, no httle risk was attendant upon that pleasant but prohibited hquor, y'cleped poteeine. To be found in a man's possession, was to incur the penalty of one hundred pounds. It is true that we were tolerably safe within the barracks from the ganger's visitation; but to get drunk outside was rather a service of danger. Gentlemen were surprised flagrante delicto every day ; and, consequently, a carouse, like a delicate inquiry, required to be conducted clausis forihus. What the devil can that beast, Rogers, be about?" observed the senior lieutenant. ^'He can't be reading ; for the only book that calls him master, is a last year's almanac with one cover." He brushes his own clothes," rejoined a second sub, lest his servant should lean on them too heavily, and wear them out before their time." Gentlemen," replied a third, I can afford the required information. He has the best supply of poteeine within the barrack-gates ; and puts his evenings pleasantly and profitably in, by drinking the right hand against the left." " If I thought so," exclaimed an Hibernian ENSIGN ROGERS. 127 Hotspur, who, poor fellow ! died sword in hand, while crowning the great breach of Badajos, a few months afterwards, — If I thought so, by the Lord ! I would draw him like a badger." Hang it !" returned a light infantry lieutenant, " although I never was an eavesdropper in my life, I'll have for once a sly peep through the keyhole," and off he ran. His absence was but short. " Well, what is he- about, the beast V inquired sundry voices. " Stitching buttons on his shirt ?" " Studying the old almanac ? " Strapping a razor ?" A devihsh deal more pleasantly employed," rephed the spy. " There he sits with his boots off and feet upon the fender, swallowing poteeine punch hot enough to scald a pig." *^ By Saint Patrick ! I'll kick the door open, and " No ! no ! no ! I have it," said he of the hght infantry. " Leave all to me. Follow me to the lobby below his room, and when I give the signal, get up a scuffle on the stairs. Come along." Up ran the speaker, and his companions followed. Knock ! knock ! knock ! knock ! " Rogers, are ye drunk or dead ? " Voice within. Wha — wha^ — what's the mat- ter?" 128 AN ALARM. Voice zmthout. The devil's the matter ! Quick, open the door. I want your key. Quick, quick — Make haste, or I'm ruined for ever !" Voice within, additionally tremulous. " Don't frighten one, now. Wha — wha — what's wrong ?'* Voice without, " Wrong! Every thing's wrong. Five gaugers below — general search for poteeine — bottle in my room — no key — servant out — yours opens. (Noise within of press unlock- ing.) What the devil are ye fumbling about? The key — the key — the key ! — Hundred pounds ! — certain ruin !" Voice within. I ca — ca — can't find it." Window opened. Voice without. " The key, I say ! Rogers, I'll parade ye in the morning ; if I don't, blow me ! And if I'm fined, I'll leave my ruin upon you !" Tremendous scuffle on the lower lobby — awful swearing — exclamations of " Let us up!" Knock them down!'' Stick him, sentry, he's only a ganger!" A loud concussion on the pavement. ''Another, and another .'" Door opens. Mr. Rogers pale as a ghost. " Oh, Lord ! Purcell, what a pity ! Three jars — five and four pence a gallon ! Oh, what a pity !" Rest of the party rush up, inquiring, ''Are things safe answer returned — "Right as a trivet!'' zvhile Mr. Rogers resumes his lament oi^cr the lost AN ALARM. 12.9 alcohol, part iciflar'i zing price and quantity. The gang all sympathizers, \st Voice. " What a sacrifice !" 2d ditto. Three jars full !" 3r/ ditto. " All barley, too !" Ml ditto. " And five and foiirpence a-gallon !'' Grand chorns. Oh, murder ! murder !" Lond voice, from Jyeloxv. " Yes, gentlemen ; murder indeed ! Which of you fractured the drummer's scull with a flower-pot ?" Omnes. ^' Oh, Lord ! Rogers, have you committed murder?" Purcell. " Slip down^ Holmes, and ascertain if the boy is actually dead, to enable poor Rogers time to put up a shirt or two first, and make his escape afterwards." The Homicide. Oh, murder, murder ! what shall I do ? and what will become of me ?" \st Comforter. That will depend a good deal upon the coroner's verdict." Id ditto. " And buying off the prosecution." ?)d ditto. " It might be advisable at once to settle an annuity on the poor boy's mother." Ath ditto. And get up a memorial to hand the judge." 1^/ ditto, So that in the event of a jury returning ' Wilful murder,' Rogers might be mercifully recommended for transportation." [^Adjutant joins the parly,'] VOL. 1. K 130 AN ALARM. " Who the devil threw the jars out ? I'm cursed but they all but killed the Colonel's dog." Rogers (fahithj.) Is the drummer dead, sh'?" Adjutant, What drummer?" Rogers, Tlie one with the fractured skull." Adjutant, " One with a fractured skull ! The only fracture reported to me was the fracture of a drum-head." All hurst into an uproarious laugh, and ran tumbling dozvn stairs, leaving Mr, Rogers in deep distress, and the Adjutant holding Inj the stair- case, Mr, Rogers, ('^ voce doloroso,'') " And so, sir, there was nobody killed ; no gangers in the build- ing ; no occasion to throw my whisky out of the window- — and — " You have been made the most regular ass of I ever met in my life." Exit the Adjutant, as Scrub says, laughing consumedly'' CHAPTER VI. CASTLE OF EDINBURGH THE REGALIA DUNNOTTAR A LAW OPINION CASTLE BESIEGED REGALIA PRESERVED DUN- NOTTAR SURRENDERS DENOUEMENT THE SIXTY-SIXTH — AN AFFECTIONATE RELATIVE THE GRASSMARKET THE HIGH STREET — HOLYROOD ROYAL ACCOMMODATION. The day was sultry — we crossed the north bridge and first proceeded to the castle.* Mounting to the flag-staff, we stood upon the leads — and one of the most splendid and extensive views imagin- able burst at once upon the sight. Look over London or Paris, from the cage upon the Monu- ment, or the tower of Notre Dame, you will cer- tainly command an enormous extent of wood, and brick, and mortar," — but what a varied scene is presented from Dunedin's castled height ! " We remained for half an hour gazing at town, and frith, and mountain — I, in rapturous delight — and, stranger still, the Stout Gentleman admit- ting himself pleased, and evincing faint indications of feelings approaching sensibility. At last we quitted our airy position — and, in our descent to * Appendix, No. II. K 2 132 THE REGALIA. the mortar battery, were arrested on the stairs with a pohte inquiry ^' whether we should not wish to see the regaha ?" The said regaha being deposited in the room where they were dis- covered. The Stout Gentleman muttered some- thing about gilt gingerbread and a shilling" — but I desired the lamps to be lighted, and fol- lowed my cicerone in. These interesting relics of auld lang syne," like every appurtenance of Scottish royalty, were frequently emperilled — and the marvel is, that they should have survived the changeful fortunes of their unfortunate proprietors. Soon after they had been used at Scone, at the coronation of Charles the Second, it was deemed advisable, from the expected invasion of an English army, that the regalia should be removed, and deposited for safer keeping in the castle of Dunnottar,* which, from its remote situation and natural strength, offered greater security than fortresses nearer to the seat of war, and consequently, more exposed to hostile aggression. On the 8th of July a garrison was thrown into the place, and the command given to Ogilvie of Barras, while the magazines were replenished and the batteries mounted with additional artillery, including the celebrated Mons Meg." The embrasure this huge gun occupied is still pointed out, from * Appendix, No. III. DUNNOTTAR. 133 which, as it is reported, a shot dismasted an English cruiser, while entering the harbour of Stonehaven, at the distance of a mile and a half. The success that attended the arms of the Parliamentarians rendered it questionable whe- ther Dunnottar might not eventually fall into the hands of the invaders — and the governor was de- sired, by the Committee of Estates, to transfer the regalia to some Highland stronghold, whose remoteness might offer in those troublous times a better prospect of security. Aware of the deep responsibility he had undertaken, Ogilvie, not considering these orders of the committee to deliver up his trust a sufficient warranty for him to act upon, applied to the Lord High Chancellor of Scotland for fresh directions ; and, like many a legal opinion, the one he received was every thing but satisfactory. I conceive," said the Chancellor, that the trust committed to you, and the safe custody of the things under your charge, did require that victual, a competent number of honest and stout soldiers, and all other necessaries, should have been provided and put in the castle before you had been in any hazard ; and if you be in good condition, or that you can timely supply yourself with all necessaries, and that the place be tenable against all attempts of the enemie, I doubt not but you will hold out. 134 A LAW OPINION. But if you want provisions, sojers, and ammu- nition, and cannot bold out at the assaultis of the enemie, which is feared and thought you cannot doe if you be bardlye persued, I know no better expedient than that the honours of the crowne be speedilye and saiflie transported to some re- mote and strong castle or hold in the Highlands ; and I wish you had delivered them to the Lord Balcarras, as was desired by the Committee of Estates ; nor doe I know any better way for pre- servatione of these thingis, and your exoneration; and it will be an irreparable lose and shame if these thingis shall be taken by the enemie, and verie dishonourable for yourself. So, having given you the best advice I can at present,'' (how satisfactory !) " I trust you will, with all care and faithfulness, be answerable, according to the trust committed to you." In the meantime an investing army had ap- proached, and Dunnottar was summoned in form. The governor, seriously alarmed, applied to Charles himself, requesting him to send an accredited person by sea, to receive the sacred emblems of royal authority — and no vessel came. Again Dunnottar was summoned ; and on the refusal of the governor, Lambert sate down in form before the place. Every day the fortunes of the English monarch became more desperate — and it was asceitained CASTLE BESIEGED. 135 that Dunnottar could not hold out beyond a limited period. All, that a stout and trusty sol- dier could do to protect a sacred charge, had already been done by Ogilvie — but to preserve the badges of a line of kings from the hands of English regicides was reserved for woman's wit. The parties who effected this bold and honour- able deliverance were the Countess Dowager Mareschal, a daughter of the Earl of Mar — an- humbler colleague, the wife of the minister of Kinneif — and the governor's lady, Mrs. Ogilvie ; while he, good easy man," had not a suspicion of what the ladies were about, at least, so says history. Mrs. Granger having obtained permission from the besieging general to pay a visit to Mrs. Ogilvie, the scheme was thus successfully exe- cuted. In returning, the minister's wife con- cealed the crown in her lap, and the English general himself helped her to her horse, which she had left in the camp, as the castle cannot be approached on horseback. Her maid followed her on foot, bearing the sword and sceptre con- cealed in hards, as they are called, that is, bun- dles of lint, which Mrs. Granger pretended were to be spun into thread. They passed through the English blockading army without being dis- covered. From thence she transported them to KinnefF, and put them under the charge of her 136 REGALIA rilESERVED. husband, James Granger, who granted to the Countess of jNIareschal the following authentic account of their secret depositation, dated the 31st of March, 1652 : — ' I, Mr. James Granger, minister at Kinneff, grant me to have in my cus- tody the honours of the kingdom, viz. the crown, sceptre, and sword. For the crown and sceptre, I raised the pavement-stone just before the pulpit, in the night tyme, and digged under it ane hole, and put them in there, and filled up the hole, and layed down the stone just as it was before, and removed the mould that remained, that none would have discerned the stone to have been raised at all ; the sword, again, at the west end of the church, amongst some common seits that stand there, I digged down in the ground betwixt the two foremost of these seits, and layed it down within the case of it, and covered it up, as that removing the superfluous mould it could not be discerned by any body ; and if it shall please God to call me by death before they be called for, your ladyship will find them in that place.' " The regalia were transferred to the care of Mr. Granger sometime in the month of March, and in the following month of May, 1652, Ogilvie was under the necessity of surrendering Dun- nottar Castle by capitulation to the republican General Dean. He obtained honourable articles DUNNOTTAll SURRENDERS. 137 of capitulation, by which it was particularly sti- pulated that he should himself enjoy personal freedom. But when it was found that he could give no account of the regalia, which the con- querors had reckoned their secure booty, the lieutenant-governor and his lady were treated with extreme severity, dragged from one place of confinement to another, and subjected to fines, sequestration, and imprisonment, in order to ex- tort from them this important secret. The lady's health gave way under these severe inflictions, and she died within two years after the surrender of the castle, still keeping the important secret, and with her last breath exhorting her husband to maintain his trust inviolable. Tradition says that the minister and his wife also fell under suspicion of the ruling powers, and that they were severally examined, and even subjected to the torture, without its being found possible to extract from them the desired information." Happier days, however, awaited all concerned ; and it is a pleasing denouement to a long story to add, that, after the Restoration, marks of royal gratitude were bestowed on those who had so faithfully attached themselves to the fallen for- tunes of an exiled king. John Keith, youngest son of the Countess Mareschal, was created Earl of Kintire ; Ogilvie had a baronetage, and his feudal tenure of the lands of Barras was enlarged 138 DENOUEMENT. from vvardholdiiicf to blanch." Nor were the honest minister of Kinneff and his better-half" forgotten, as the following extract from Parha- mentary proceedings (llth January, 1661,) attest : — " Forasmuch as the Estates of Parliament doe understand that Christian Fletcher, spouse to Mr. James Granger, minister of Kinneth, wes most active in conveying the royal honours, his Majestie's crown, sword, and sceptre, out of the castle of Dunnottar immediately before it wes rendered to the English usurpers, and that be the care of the same wes hid and preserved : Thairfore the King's Majestic, with advice of his Estates in Parliament, doe appoint iwo thousand merits Scots to be forthwith paid unto her be his Majesty's thesaurer, out of the readiest of his Majestie's rents, as a testimony of their sense of her service." I found the Stout Gentleman on the mortar battery, where he awaited my return. Its arma- ment is curious. Mons Meg,* flanked on either side by an eight-inch mortar, — a giant between a brace of dwarfs, — and yet either of the little gentlemen right and left — meaning the mortars — would have done better service at Dunbar or * This enormous specimen of antique artillery was forged at Mons, A.D. H8G ; employed at tlie siege of Norliam, in 1 197 ; and subsequently, in arming Dunnottar. THE SIXTY-SIXTH. 139 Dunnottar, than the huge and shapeless masses of hammered iron for which three lords were left in pawn ! When we descended to the lower battery, we found the regiment which garrisoned the castle under arms upon the parade in front of the dry ditch. It was an old Peninsular battalion. I had a brother killed under its honoured colours when it crossed the Pyrenees, and I inquired from the sergeant at the gate-guard, whether there might not be still some of the old hands with the regiment, who would remember my deceased kinsman. Not an individual remained who had ever seen a flint snapped in anger — and the ultimus Romanorum — the last man who had returned from the Peninsula — a worn-out drum- mer — had been invalided, and discharged two days before. That day, by strange accident, was the bloodiest and proudest anniversary of the regiment. I looked down the line. No laureled schacho told that the wearer had been on the red heights of Albuera — it was a battahon of boys — the making of a noble regiment. Shade of the sixty-sixth ! you passed in shadowy review, as I had seen you once! The tattered colours— the weather-beaten front rank — the stout old colonel — all were before me. I reached the flank of the light company — looked back, sighed, and murmured, ''fait!'' 110 AN AFFECTIONATE HELATIVE, " What the devil are you sighing for ?" inquired the Stout Gentleman, who, hy the way, has no more feeling than a horse ; are you sick ?" " No ; but I am inclined to be sentimental." Oh ! curse sentiment !" as Sir OUver Teazle says. Come along — I hate battles and anni- versaries. There is but one that has any interest for me." Oh ! have you been under fire ?" " I never was — and, please God ! I never will be," returned the Stout Gentleman. The only action I recall with pleasure is that of Preston- Pans; for there I had an ancestor killed; and, as I am told, one of the greatest scoundrels in cre- ation, there and then got 'his quietus.'" Upon my conscience, you appear to look back on the past with a philosophic eye. I sup- pose, if you had a relative hanged, you would celebrate 'the happy return' of the day." " Very possibly," returned the stout gentle- man, if, in his testamentary arrangements, my name had been honourably recorded. But, d proposy to hanging. Is not yonder street the Grassmarket, where gentlemen, in the olden time, who were partial to open-air oratory, were accom- modated with a halter and a psalm * At the bottom of the West Bow, and in the centre of the street called the Grassmarket, a small St. Andrew's cross is formed iipon the pavement by a peculiar arrangement of the paving-stones. This indicates the situation of a stone, (removed THE GRASSMARKET. 141 A recruking sergeant, who had overheard the question, civilly pointed out the locality of the place' to which Cuddle Headrigg had such an invincible antipathy ; and when we quitted the esplanade before the castle for the High-street, he volunteered his services to be our cicerone. By the way, from the parade we overlooked one of the cemeteries of the city, equally classic and extensive, namely, that of the Greyfriars. On every occurrence in life men hold opposite views, and there are people who busy themselves in making post-mortem dispositions. I am not of the latter section. Where the tree falls, there let it lie ; and where I shuffle off this mortal coil, there let the carrion be deposited. Don't plant me, however, in a Cockney grave-yard — the place is crowded, and I should, I fear, dislike the company. If I must be pickled and sent home," as Sir Lucius says, you may recollect the northern corner of my native burying ground, where defun ct soldiers have always been interred. — in 1823,) into which the gallows, formerly used for the occasional execution of criminals in Edinburgh, was wont to be inserted. There is some moral interest connected with this spot. Here "the martyrs" of the persecuting reigns of Charles II. and James II. sang out their last hymns of exultation, before entering upon the scene of a new existence. This was also the arena of those strange incidents which led to the affair of Captain Por- teous, who was hanged on the south side of the street, opposite to the gallows-stone. The Grassmarket was the ordinary place of execution in Edinburgh for upwards of a century previous to the year 1785. 142 THE GREYFRIARS. Many a funeral I followed thither when a boy. — Well, stick me there, Jack ; for I fancy that, even after death, I should find myself more at home with my bones blanching beside those of old acquaintances. — But this is a digression from the Greyfriars. I said the ground was classic — snug lying" for men of letters — and I laud the gods that I do not belong to this brigade — a very honourable and, as I am told, a very penniless community. Here lie Buchanan and Mackenzie, Henderson and Blair — Maclaurin, Robertson, and honest Allan Ramsay. Shakspeare, in making honour- able mention of a gentleman, says the hand- somest act of his life was his death ; and Allan distanced all the learned Thebans who lie around, in leaving behind him a house and policy beside the Castle-hill. Chambers properly notices the circumstance, and remarks, There is some curiosity in the little mansion, as one of the very few houses that have ever been built out of the profits of literature." Under the guidance of our military conductor, we descended that singular remnant of " auld lang syne," the High-street. Here, I should opine that an antiquarian should live and die ; for, from the castle to the palace, in his eyes, every inch of ground is holy. There is not a tall, rackety, old building without its romance ; nor " close or TIOLYROOD. 143 wynd'** without its legend. Here still remain the mansion of the Regent Murray ; the domicile of that awful iconoclast, John Knox ; and in a dark court, reached by a narrow alley — a fit locality for a warlock to canton himself — the veritable abiding-place of Major Weir, a gen- tleman favoured with a tar-barrel in 1678, for, as it was suspected, possessing more information on occult subjects than his neighbours.f Of Holy rood I shall offer you no description. Has it not been sung and said by every tourist and traveller already ? It is, in sooth, a place of surpassing interest, whose every association is right royal." Would one moralize upon kingly fortunes, visit that deserted palace. Go from the boudoir of love and beauty, where Mary smiled and Rizzio sang, to the grated charnel- room, whose chapless skulls and the blanched bones of those who erst while wore a crown, attest the nothingness of frail humanity — what a moral do they point ! * AnglkCf narrow courts and alleys off tlie main street. t " The name of this criminal is, at this day, as well known in Scotland as that of Guy Fawkes in England ; and innumerable superstitious notions prevail regarding him. He was, it seems, a person of infinite external piety, yet indulged in the most hor- rible crimes, among which, according to the belief of the age, sorcery was the chief. For about a century after his death, his house remained uninhabited, no one daring to encounter the horrors of a place in which it was supposed that all the powers of hell held their nightly revels. It is now used as a workshop." — Chmnherf!. 144 ROYAL ACCOMMODATION. How easily satisfied, in those unpretending days, was royalty with its accommodation ! Were the chamber of the peerless Mary now offered to a lady's maid, would not the Abigail give notice to quit next morning ? And if Miss Emily Juhana Stubbs, of thirteen and a half Monument- yard, were inducted into such a den as that fatal closet in which Signor David supped for the last time, with his frail and lovely mistress, would not the said Miss Emily kick up a blessed bob- bery — ay, that's the Cockney phrase — and old Mister Stubbs throw the house out of the win- dows afterwards ? CHAPTER VII. AN AULD TOWN HOSTELRIE — PROPOSED EXCURSION THE CHEVA- LIEr's DESCENT — HIGHLAND CLANS — ROYAL ARMY — ARTILLERY AND CAVALRY SINGULAR PANIC — ROYAL INFANTRY — COPE's MISCONDUCT — EDINBURGH VOLUNTEERS THE CITY SURPRISED BATTLE-FIELD. " In vino Veritas." Well, there may be truth in wine ; but to soften the heart, give me whisky- toddy. I persuaded the stout gentleman to pay an evening visit to the old town again ; and, after our ramble, seduced him into an antiquated change-house, where, not improbably, Adam Woodcock received merited castigation from young Seton, for his irreverent introduction of the Pope's name into a pleasant drinking-song. Numerous and varied are the denizens of an inn, and many a wild guest had this dark low room accommodated. The kilted clansman, the Highland drover, the Enghsh outlaw, burgher and borderer, Priest and Levite, all had revelled VOL. I. L 146 PROPOSED EXCURSION. at the board, and occupied the bench we sate upon. Many a head, cracked in some wild affray upon the street, had here been salved — and dirk and bayonet been drawn in the fury of some mad debauch. The Stout Gentleman hinted that another tumbler would be desirable. It was a close even- ing, and every body knows that close evenings engender thirst. The alcohol was pure Glenlivet. Another and another supply was summoned ; and, unlike Glendower's spirits, they obeyed the call. I looked cautiously at the Stout Gentle- man ; his features were good-naturedly relaxed, and the complacent twinkle of his grey eye told that he was at peace and harmony with all men. Now was the time. I proposed an excursion to some remote quarter of the island — a place removed beyond Cockney invasion —and as un- favourable to the visitations of the Tubbs and the Tomkinses as an Irish turf-bog to an im- ported snake. Would the Stout Gentleman ven- ture with me to Shetland ? He paused — and then suspiciously inquired whether the trip could be effected without the agency of horseflesh ? It was all straight sailing, was the reply — steam from first to last. He might visit the Ultima Thule of Europe without encountering anything of that species he abhorred, of larger dimensions THE CHEVALIERS DESCENT. 147 than a Shetland pony, and, by taxing the imagi- nation, might even fancy that a dog. eif * * -» The offer is accepted. We start from Granton pier the evening after to-morrow, and fill up the vacant day by a visit to Gladsmuir. I, to inspect the scene of the Chevaliers first success — and the Stout Gentleman, to visit a spot where his ancestor, of evil reputation, got a quietus, and relieved the world of a scoundrel. * * * * The young adventurer's descent on Scotland, from its commencement to its close, teemed with romantic incident. In 1744 he was recalled from Rome by the Cardinal de Tencin, to ac- company Marshal Saxe with fifteen thousand men, and reclaim the throne his father had for- feited. The troops were partially embarked, when a superior English squadron beat down Channel, and anchored in the offing. At night the wind shifted round to east, blew a whole gale, forced the blockading fleet to sea, while the French ships, alarmed at the formidable force of the enemy, ran down the coast for shelter, and the attempt was finally abandoned. An immediate declaration of war, which followed on the part of England, obliged the French monarch to turn his disposable forces to other objects ; the intended invasion of Great Britain L 2 148 HIGHLAND CLANS. was relinquished, and the hopes of the yoang Pretender crushed. A year passed; accident at last enabled Charlie to carry his design into ex- ecution ; and, through the agency of a couple of Irish smugglers,* a descent was effected on the Scottish coast, which, under more fortunate circumstances, might have been fatal to the suc- cession of the house of Hanover. * * * * The surprise generally expressed at the success of the clans in their conflicts with the royal forces, ceases, when the composition of the respective armies is examined with military con- sideration. In point of numbers the Highlanders exceeded their opponents probably by a fourth ; but, in construction, their inferiority, as a field force, more than counterbalanced their nume- rical superiority. Of warlike arms, the only one they possessed was infantry ; they had no guns ; and their cavalry, although dignified with the pompous titles of Life-guards and Hussars, were but a mere handful of mounted gentlemen, irre- gularly equipped, and unable to execute the simplest movement. Yet this little army, which abandoned its Highland home, to raise the fallen banner of the house of Stuart, was, in truth, a dangerous enemy. His martial habits and pursuits, his wild and irregular mode of hving, * Appendix, No. IV. ROYAL ARMY. 149 the enthusiasm of clanship, pride of character, devotion to his chief, all united to make the Highlander virtually a soldier. Active, vigorous, and daring, each mountaineer acted as if victory depended on his personal exertions ; and hence, without the unity of action which discipline confers, the Highland onset w^as fierce and diffi- cult to repel ; and to that fact, not only the raw leyies they defeated, but the veteran regiments to whom they were subsequently opposed, bore ample testimony. Such was the Highland — and now let us ex- amine the state and composition of the royal army which fought at Preston. In appearance, it was formidable ; in construction, tolerably correct. It had artillery, cavalry, and infantry ; but, individually and collectively, it was a, wretched body with a royal name." The park at Preston consisted of six guns, about the calibre of a steamer's swivel.* Light metal is lightly worked ; and certainly nothing could be too light for Sir John's artillerists. Home's description of the effective strength of this arm of Cope's army, is so superlatively ridiculous, that I must give it to you in the historian's words. When Cope was ordered to march northwards, and bring the rebels to action with the least possible delay, it may be supposed * One pound and a-half. 150 AJU'lLLEllY AND CAVALRY. that he proceeded to brush up his field battery, whose collective fire amounted to that discharged now-a-days by a single gun. " There were," says Home, no gunners nor matrosses to be had in Scotland, but one old man, who had belonged to the Scots train of artillery before the Union, This gunner, and three old soldiers, belonging to the company of invalids in garrison at the castle of Edinburgh, Sir John Cope carried along with him to Inverness. When the troops came to Dunbar, the king's ship that escorted the transports, furnished Sir John Cope vv^ith some sailors to work the cannon ; but when the Highlanders came on, firing as they advanced, the sailors, the gunner, and the three old invalids ran away ('^ small blame to them," as they say in Ireland) taking the powder-horns with them, so that Colonel Whiteford, who fired five of the six pieces, could not fire the sixth for zmnt of priming^ In number and appearance. Cope's cavalry were respectable, but in every affair with the Highlanders, with very fevf exceptions, they proved rank cowards. Indeed, how they would conduct themselves when in the presence of an enemy, may be imagined by their mode of action when at a safe distance from all danger. On the evening of the 15th of September, Colonel Gardiner, on receiving intelligence that Charles SINGULAR PANIC. 151 was slowly approaching the city, fell back with his two regiments of dragoons, and bivouacked for the night in a field in the neighbourhood of Leith. When the Highlanders entered Edin- burgh next day, Gardiner retired in the direction of Dunbar, where Cope at the moment was debarking his army. Halting his men, he picketed his horses in a field between Preston Grange and Dauphinston, where they made the necessary preparations to stay all night ; but a dragoon, seeking forage for his horse, between ten and eleven o'clock, fell into an old coal-pit that was full of water, and made such a noise, that the dragoons thought that the Highlanders had got amongst them ; and mounting their horses, made the best of their way to Dunbar. Colonel Gardiner had gone to his own house, which was hard by, and locked the door when he went to bed, so that he heard nothing of the matter till next morning, when he rose and fol- lowed his men with a heavy heart ; for the road to Dunbar was strewed with swords, pistols, and firelocks, which were gathered together, and carried in covered carts to Dunbar, so that the flight of the two regiments should be little known to the army."* The panic of these "bold dragoons," in the simple narrative of the historian, is truly laugh- * Home's History of the Rebellion, 1745. 152 110 YAL INFANTRY. able. A fellow pops into a coal-pit, roars murder" lustily, and off gallop two regiments of horse ! The Colonel, " good easy man," has taken his doch-an-diiris, put on his night-cap, locked the hall-door, and, sound as a watch- man," hears nothing of what passes. To an inquiry in the morning, anent '^his charge of horse," a non est inventus" is returned ; and hearing they had headed towards Dunbar, thither he proceeds, wondering, no doubt, what the devil had driven them off in such a hurry. The death of Gardiner, which so immediately followed this disgraceful affair, renders it almost inde- licate to smile at anything connected with his memory. He was not only a good but a gallant man — and, compared with the rubbish who held commands, an able and valuable soldier. But really, locking the hall-door first, and losing two regiments of dragoons afterwards, is such an anti-Peninsular proceeding, that one cannot recall it without a smile. We can fancy the reception a colonel of cavalry would have met with from the " Iron Duke," had he on some blessed morn- ing presented himself at head-quarters, with a couple of cart-loads of tools and traps, and a delicate inquiry if any intelligence had transpired of what had become of the proprietors ! To such an artillery and cavalry. Cope united about fifteen hundred infantry. The foot com- COPE S MISCONDUCT. 153 prised one whole regiment (the 6th) and part of three young ones, the 44th, 46th, and 47th. Cope's previous conduct had been so vacillat- ing, his actions so contradictory, that, to those w^ho knew it, but a sorry promise of future success was holden out. He had urged the necessity of an advance into the Highlands — received full per- mission from the government to march north- ward — and been assured that his views were in perfect unison with those of the Lords of the Regency, who pressed him to bell-the-cat without delay. Accordingly, he headed towards Fort Augustus, his army accompanied by an abundant supply of provisions and ammunition, and ample means of transport. But the point he recom- mended the army to move to he never reached. At Dalwhinie, finding that the rebels would give him battle upon Corryarrac, like that of Acre's, the general's courage appears to have oozed away ; and resorting to the old-womanly expe- dient of a council of war, he found his field- officers as httle inclined to fight as he was himself ; and, sanctioned by their assent, on the 27th, instead of mounting the summit of Corryarrac, where the Highlanders were ready to receive him, he gUded off at Blarigg-Beg, and took the road to Inverness ; which place, by forced marches, he reached on the 29th, leaving the low country open to invasion ; and giving the Chevalier a full 151 EDINBURGH VOLUNTEERS. opportunity of marching unopposed upon the capital. Of Prince Charles's advance and occupation of Edinbugh, and Cope's subsequent arrival at Dunbar, it is unnecessary to speak. But with the capture of the city, the ridiculous is largely inter- mixed. Sorely alarmed at the horrors attendant on assault, a conclave of civic authorities were collected, and after a brief deliberation, the provost and bailies sent out a deputation to wait upon Charlie at Gray's Mill, and deprecate the use, on his part, of sword and fire. Some of these functionaries had been, with desperate intents, for the last three days learning to toss their muskets," and had expressed a determination, that any port* within the circuit of their walls, if hostilely approached, should be turned into a second Thermopylae. But when a man of tolerable appearance (whom nobody even pre- tended to know) mounted upon a grey horse, came up from the Bow to the Lawnmarket, and galloping along the front of the volunteers, (i. e, the gentlemen who were ' tossing the muskets,') called out that he had seen the Highland army, and that they were sixteen thousand strong, "f then did another change come o'er the spirit of their dream ;" and probably recollecting into what "a fix" the good citizens * Anglice, gate. f Home's History. CITY SURPRISED. 155 of Harfleur had run themselves " auld lang syne," they determined to negotiate rather than fight ; and a deputation proceeded to the head-quarters of the Chevaher in full state, and ensconced in a hackney-coach. There, however, their recep- tion v^as infi^a dignitatem, if Home may be believed, and they returned sadder and not wiser" than they went.* But the calamitous upshot of this unhappy mission remains to be disclosed. The " lea- thern conveniency" in which the deputies set forth on this bootless embassy had been unfor- tunately hired in the Canongate ; and after setting down his passengers — (by the way. Home neither mentions the fare, nor whether it was paid on the nail, or booked to the corpo- ration) — honest jarvey bundled off to his abiding place. On reaching it, the Netherbow-port was unclosed to let him out — but unhappily also, as it turned out, to let in Lochiel and eight hundred Highlanders. The guards were quietly disarmed, the other gates occupied ; and when the honest burghers awoke they had no occasion to prepare for defence, or renew their negotiations, for Auld Reekie was in peaceable possession of bonnie Prince Charlie and his Highland followers. * " When they arrived at Gray's Mill, they prevailed iiponLord George Murray to second their application for a delay ; but Charles refused to grant it ; and the deputies were ordered, in his name, to get ihem(jone\ — veryuncivilof the Chevalier !" — Homes IHstory- 156 BATTLE FIELD. The battle-field at Preston-Pans, as pointed to the stranger, is now no longer distinguishable from the highly cultivated lands of which it forms a portion. The morass, which caused so much marching and counter-marching between the rival armies, has been many years since drained and brought into tillage ; and the only veritable relic of the fight of Gladsmuir is the house (Bankton) where Gardiner slept before the battle, and in which, after it, he breathed his last. If the Stout Gentleman had expected to find a monument to commemorate the fall of his worthy ancestor, his hopes were disappointed. He found, however, what probably pleased him better after- wards — a clean inn, and a dinner that even a bagman would not have grumbled at. CHAPTER VIII. WELCOME OF AN INN — FASHIONABLE HOTELS A CITY EPISODE FANCY FOR PORTRAIT PAINTING — THE SEA CAPTAIN LADY POR- TRAITS A PICTORIAL ABOMINATION— OUR YOUNG GOVERNOR MASTER DICK IN WITH THE FISH ! " The warmest welcome's in an inn." Negatur — " I don't believe it — it is no welcome at all ; but merely an interchange of meat, drink^ and a parting bow, in return for a settled consideration. Try the experiment ; present yourself to the smirking pantler, or smiling barmaid, with a torn coat, a shocking bad hat/' and other outward and visible signs of being a shuck gentleman, and incontinently you will be quoited out like a shove-groat shilling." Call ye that a welcome that is accompanied by a bill ? An innkeeper's hospi- tality is nearly on a par with the philanthropic individual bepraised by Goldsmith, who, among other christian proceedings, diurnally clad the naked, himself — " when he put on his clothes." 158 FASHIONABLE HOTELS. Possibly the most heartless home on earth is a fashionable hotel. Live there a century, and you leave it as you entered — the exit creating no tenderer sensation than the entire. The chamber- maid w^itnesses your departure w^ithout a sigh ; and, remembering that a gent." slipped off last week without the usual tip, she fancies that sixteen " is a loose-looking lad, and takes a position so that the suspected gentleman in '^sixteen" shall ^'behave as sich/' if she can make him. You and all your past favours are forgotten in the mercenary anxiety of securing from a suspected fugitive — a fugitive shilling. See how your former largesses are committed to oblivion ! Christmas and Easter, did you not stand a chene, chusan, or gros de Naples ? For what new play did you not buy a ticket ? and were not the half-crowns — ay, and half-sovereigns, that you gave, innumerable ? Well, the loose lad of sixteen" perceiving his flank turned, makes a merit of necessity, and summonses the fair tormentor to his presence. He tucks her under the chin, and she simpers — just as she used to simper, when you quondam, went through the same operation. Ton my life, my love, you're perticklar bootiful ! — I'll run away with ye ! If I don't — ; blow m.e !" ''Lard, Sir! how can ye talk so; you that A CITY EPISODE. 159 have a missus of your own ? The ladies wouldn't let so nice a gent, alone." On the honour of a soldier, my tulip, I'm a man without encumbrance !" Now Mr. Stubbs was neither a soldier, nor without encumbrance. While travelhng for a druggist's firm, he met, at Margate, Miss Emily Epps, of Godliman-street, Doctors' Commons ; and at the Tivoli Gardens, and with the said Emily, had the honour ^' to sport a toe." He declared — she proved agreeable — and, in three short weeks, vows of eternal fidelity were inter- changed at the altar of St. Thomas the Apo- stle. Five cherubs blessed the union. It would have been better, however, had four been the extent. Number five was desperately red- headed — so was the mercer's senior apprentice over the way — while Mr. and Mrs. Stubbs were unfortunately black as a boot. The neighbours talked ; Mr. Stubbs became uncomfortable ; two generations — a singular thing to be achieved in the city — were traced back, and neither a red Stubbs nor a red Epps could be discovered! Mr. Stubbs, in consequence, took to Free-and- Easys." But what brought him to a west-end hotel? How the devil should I know ? Many a gentleman goes to a west-end hotel, respected reader — and it is no good that brings him there! 160 FANCY FOR PORTRAIT PAINTING. Talking of inns, we may as well make a chap- ter of them. Of all the persons in this world who seem most solicitous to transmit to posterity an accurate idea of what they looked while in the flesh, the innkeeper is the most inveterate ; and whether he may be what Cockneys call a licensed witler," the Boniface of a road-side ale-house, or " some rude captain of the sea," who has ex- changed the compass for the can, and instead of working dead reckonings, scores living ones, landlording it over the Admiral Benbow" of some fishing-port, the fancy is precisely the same. Were there an exhibition of publicans and sinners, I think I could classify the portraits, and do every thing but name the signs. Your "witler" is easily detected. He wears a velvet waistcoat, an open-worked shirt studded with brilliants, to judge by size, not purchased by the carat, but the ounce ; his black stock is secured by a double pin — a ponderous guard-chain falls over the grass-green vest— and a breget, en suite, dangles from the right waistcoat pocket. The "road-sider" always wears a blue coat, gilt buttons, and striped kerseymeres, ties his white cravat in a bow, and underneath it displays a red cornelian. More antiquo, he carries his " tatler" in the waist- band of his unmentionables; and a bull-terrier THE SEA CAPTAIN. 161 is generally his canvass companion. The identity of the ex-captain is even more striking than the Cockney and villager — and his is always the more extensive picture. He stands properly, himself in front, with his left paddle fixed upon the ground as if it had been planted there. Right astern, there is an animated sea view — castle and flag-staff in the distance — with the good brig, the " Mary-Ann" of Swansea, which erstwhile he com- manded, under full sail at the point of his left elbow. His digits sinister grasp a speaking- trumpet, and his right mawley reposes gracefully on the breech of a carronade. The costume is in keeping with the general good taste, which, as a composition, the picture claims and merits. If the canvass will afford room, a sextant and water-dog are judiciously introduced ; and in some otherwise vacant corner, a sun, moon, and stars — coffin and cross-bones — with all the tools necessary for a working carpenter, are tastefully intermixed, intimating that the subject of the painting appertained to the ancient order of Free and Accepted Masons. Of course, every Jack will have his Jill. Gen- tlemen must be mated; and the female portraits are fit pendants for those of their liege lords, and prove that, if without woman the garden were a wild," the bar" would be still less endurable. In selecting her costume every gentle dame VOL. I. M 162 LADY PORTRAITS. appears to have fairly " exhausted worlds," and afterwards drawn on the imagination to the last. On one interesting fact these portraits are con- clusive ; every victualler's lady is either literary or floricultural — and her peculiar taste can be easily ascertained by reference to her right hand, in which a book or bouquet will appear, and solve the difficulty at once. In drawing and colouring, the school of Rubens appears the favourite; and I should say that the fancy for scarlet draperies and ultramarine — where they can be introduced — is generally prevalent. I can sit a summer afternoon surrounded by several generations who had heard the cannikin clink," or, in earlier life, responded to loud alarums upon bell-metal, with Francis's " Anon ! anon ! " I can return the smile of the buxom landlady who looks a merry-be-your-heart " from her carved frame-work. I can sympa- thize with the sad and stupid stare of mine unfortunate host, whose portrait had doubtless received the finishing touch, immediately after the brewer's traveller had called for the beer bill. I can tolerate the honest captain, though, by an admixture of nautical and pictorial license, he has put sky-scrapers on his old collier, and even fluttered a pennant from her mast-head. What matters it to me if he please to recline his person upon an eighteen-pound carronade, albeit A PICTORIAL ABOMINATION. 163 his personal acquaintance with red artillerie " never exceeded the apphcation of a hot poker to the touch-hole of a swivel in a fog, thereby hoping and intending to attract the attention of a pilot. But I do remember once a pictorial impertinency interrupting the happy progress of my dinner, and damaging my digestion for a week. I had occasion to keep an appointment in the city, and, mistaking '^the trysted time," found myself a full hour in advance. The interval was too short to induce me to go elsewhere — too long to look over the bridge, and count the population of a steamer. It was fortunately an hour at which a man might dine ; and I popped into one of those comfortless houses — half gin-palace half hotel — in which you obtain east-end accommoda- tion, at west-end prices. The room I was shown into was large — papered and furnished with vile taste — and further disfigured with coloured prints and family portraits. But all these enormities were merged in one engrossing abomination. It was an oil-painting, in a massive gilt frame that reached from the surbase to the ceiling, representing an impudent-looking boy of eighteen. The figure was the size of life ; the costume intended to be a very reflection from *^ the glass of fashion but in this the artist had been unsuc- cessful, for his habiliments hung on the person 164 OUR YOUNG GOVERNOR. of the young gentleman about as naturally, as the block-coat does in the door of an advertising tailor. The appearance of a groom and horses in the back-ground, the presence of a silver- mounted whip, and the action of drawing on a lemon-coloured kid-skin over a finger ornamented with a brilliant, showed that the youth was about to exercise "on horseback." But he was hatless ; hair elaborately curled, and with all that inartificial arrangement which, in a thirty-shilling wig, looks more natural than nature, and is " warranted to defy detection." In one thing the limner had succeeded : the air and expression were not to be mistaken ; no feature bore the remotest aflinity to a gentleman's ; for there stood the very impersonation of a pot-boy in masquerade. I was still gazing at the daub, when the waiter came in to lay the cloth, and innocently mistook my fixed stare for the ardent gaze of admiration. That's our young gent, you're looking at, sir." " Your young gent. ?" I added, carelessly. Yes, sir — and very like, too." " And who the devil is that curly, carroty- headed puppy, intended to pass for ? " " Pass for!" Why it's our young governor. Master Dick — him wot was drawin' at the engine, as you passed the bar." " Ay — that saucy-looking young scoundrel who was serving half-and-half to a soldier?" MASTER DICK. 165 Sir!" Never mind the cloth, my friend/' I said, as I seized my hat and cane. Present my com- phments to ' Master Dick/ and tell him I have bestowed my aversion upon him ; and add further, that I'll settle upon him sixpence a-day for life, if he*ll have that impertinent daub burned by the common hangman, and enter into security to keep the original out of my sight for ever!" " But won't you dine, sir?" Dine, fellow ! Dine in the same room with Dick? No — not if you gave me the dinner gratis, and threw the silver spoons into the bargain." * * * * Even in sober Scotland this mania for personal portraiture obtains. I remember meeting on the border, in a house one remove from the clachan of Aberfoil, a landlord and his wife affectionately grouped, with a big-headed boy in the centre, a Kilmarnock cap in one hand, and a peg-top in the other. But in Glasgow my temper was fairly driven from " its propriety." Over the chimney- piece, a florid painting caught my eye. It was a Highlander in full costume — brooch, purse, pistols and powder-Korn — dirk and claymore — ay, and the skene-dhu sticking in his gaiter. A Highland chief," I muttered to myself; " and in the Macdonald tartan, too. It must be him- 166 IN WITH THE fish! self. Waiter, who is this ? Clanranald, I sup- pose." Na, sir, it's the owner o' the hoose." The devil ! " I exclaimed, passionately. Na, not the deil, but the maister," replied Sandy, cool as a cucumber. D — n the master." Sir!" No questions, fellow ! In wdth the fish !" CHAPTER IX. EMBARKATION IN A SHETLAND STEAMER — LITERARY LADIES FIRTH OF FORTH — MAY ISLAND — BAD BECOMES AVORSE ARBROATH — THE BELL ROCK SYMPTOMS OF SEA-SICKNESS THE COMPANION THE LAIRD OF CRAIGDARRAGH HIGHLAND • HOUSEKEEPING MY COOK MATTIE AFTER DINNER — NOTHING LIKE LEATHER. At eight o'clock we stepped from the pier at Granton into a fine, large, well-grown steam- boat, which," to use the parlance of a pleasant gentlewoman who places Shetland almost within sight of the North Pole," touches at Wick once a week, in full boil, on its route from Leith to Lerwick. This information, by the way, is interlarded with the sayings and doings of my grandmother," as liberally as Milady Morgan used to chronicle the nothings perpetrated by La Fayette, or the balderdash of " my friend La Marquise , or La Duchesse de ," the titles of these buckram peeresses- being properly left in blank, to be filled up at the discretion of the reader. By the way. Jack, were you ever obhged to occupy the solitary chaise of an Irish caravan- sera for ten miles with a red-hot Rapaaler ? 168 LITERARY LADIES. That would be bad enough, God knows! but what is it to finding yourself in an infernal " fix/' at a dinner- table, with a literary quintagenarian at your elbow, who arrests the soup-spoon in transitu to your mouth, with an impertinent inquiry as to whether you prefer the twaddle of Miss , " a maid in the pride of her purity," born in the last century — or the fustian of Mother T , who, from having apportioned to her- self the corduroys of that nonentity she calls husband, considers that she is quahfied to talk of mankind and their general concerns. Much as I detest him — of the two nuisances, give me the Rapaaler. The steamer was crowded with passengers for all the intermediate ports — Arbroath, Montrose, and Aberdeen. The wind at E.N.E. had, even abreast of Inch Keith,* kicked up more sea than was generally agreeable ; and when we rounded the Isle of May, had you named a beef-steak in pre- sence of a bilious gentleman, he would have re- quired you to name a friend. My only sufferings at sea (lauded be the gods!) are confined to an increase of appetite, with ^* an unquenchable thirst," as the late Lord Louth called it. The Stout Gentleman's stomachic temperament was in that doubtful state, which induced him to preserve a dignified taciturnity, except when he required * Appendix, No. V. MAY ISLAND. 169 brandy and water from the steward ; and 1 was left to amuse myself with an examination of the objects that we passed. May Island is by no means barren. It has a sufficiency of verdant surface to support a flock of sheep, and a spring of excellent water. On its western side the chfFs are high, and its whole shores are rocky. Here, also, that sair saunt" (David I.) exercised his religious handiwork in founding a monastery of Augustinians, and the commissioners of northern hght-houses theirs, also, in the erection of a more useful building. The rude and ill-appointed beacon, which for eighty years showed its unsteady flame* to the benighted seaman, has been replaced by a noble light-house — but not, unfortunately, until its ne- cessity was fatally enforced, in 1810, by the loss of two fine frigates, which ran ashore by mis- taking a lime-kiln for the beacon on the isle. We passed the debouchement of the Tay, and, crossing the Bay of St. Andrews, steered a direct course for Montrose, where divers lieges of our * " From 1736 till 1816, the light of the May was produced by a burning chauffer of coal on the summit of a tower, and the only alteration made upon the light during the whole of the interme- diate period was the increasing of the quantity of fuel, which was done for the last thirty years. This rude species of light was liable to be injured by the weather, and in many m ays was objectionable. About forty years since, the keeper of the light, his wif«, and five children, were suffocated, all in one night, in consequence of in- haling the carbonic acid gas from the cinders, too many of which had been allowed to accumulsite."-- Chambers. 170 BAD BECOMES WORSE. Sovereign Lady the Queen had indulged in the fond dekision that there we should part com- pany. The wind will say *^No" to a king, and the sea determined to negative the intentions of my fellow voyagers. Gradually, the breeze freshened ; the steamer became more uneasy ; those who had been ill before, became momen- tarily worse ; and ladies and gentlemen, hitherto in disagreeable uncertainty, had every doubt re- moved touching the " to be, or not to be." Camp- stools and their occupants '^fetched away;" the sick were assisted down ; and passenger after passenger disappeared. The Stout Gentle- man cast a suspicious look at the brown port- manteau, and groped his way to the companion; and of those who an hour since had graced the " peopled deck," but four at last remained ; to wit, the man at the wheel, a quakeress, a weather- beaten little Highlander, and myself. Arbroath, foreshortened from Aberbrothock, a place of high monastic importance once, is now a thriving sea-port. Abreast of a most dangerous rock — oliiTiy called Inch Cape — the pious abbot, out of his limited means,* placed a bell upon the reef — while the sea, by a simple contrivance, was * In the ordinance of the monastry, a.d. 1530, an order was issued for buying 800 wedders, 180 oxen, 11 barrels of sahnon, 1200 dried cod-fish, 82 chalders of malt, 30 of wheat, 40 of meal ; all which appears additional to the produce of its land, or the provision of dilFereut species paid in kind by tenants. THE BELL ROCK. 171 required to toll it.* An iniquitous Dutchman, however^ for the value of the metal, or to plague the Priest of Aberbrothock," stole the bell — ran upon the rock afterwards for want of warning — and thus, by poetic justice, not only expiated his crime, but also gave Mr. Southey a subject for one of his best ballads. As we kept well off the land, our course brought us close to the Bell Rock, which we saw with every advantage that a heavy sea and high water gives. Nothing could look more singularly wild and desolate. The waves broke upon it, and foamed upwards, even to the lantern ; and, not- withstanding their consciousness of security, impressed an idea of isolated wretchedness in- flicted on the lonely occupants, that no advan- tages, with interior comfort, can, in my opinion, compensate. Yet I am assured that the denizens of this sea-encircled home are happy. Although the lonely tower vibrates in the tempest, and leagues of angry water divide them from the * " The waves flowed o'er the Inch-Cape Rock ; So little they rose, so little they fell, They did not move the Inch-Cape bell. The pious abbot of Aberbrothock Had placed that bell on the Inch-Cape Rock ; On the waves of the storm it floated and swung, And louder and louder its warning rung : When that rock was hid by the tempest swell, The mariners heard the warning bell. And then they knew the perilous rock, And blessed the Abbot of Ahevhwihoc]