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Borrowers should not use their library privileges for the benefit of other persons. Books ^of special value and gift books, when the giver wishes it, are not allowed to circulate. •« Readers are asked to re- port' all cases of books — marked or mutilated. ' Do not deface books by marks and writiag. Cornell University Library PR6037.U92F21906 The fascinating Mr. V^"**S,^|?|,||mJ^^ 3 1924 013 228 113 Cornell University Library The original of tiiis book is in the Cornell University Library. There are no known copyright restrictions in the United States on the use of the text. http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924013228113 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT PLAYS OF ALFRED SUTRO. Papei-, IS. 6d. Cloth, Library Edition, 2s. 6d. The FASCINATING Ms. VANDERVELDT A COMEDY JN FOUR ACTS. CAVE OF ILLUSION, (cioth oniy.) A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS. MOLLENTRAVE ON WOMEN. A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS. THE PERFECT LOVER. A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS. THE WALLS OF JERICHO. A PLAY m FOUR ACTS. The following^ One-Act Plavs lat 6d. each. CARROTS. THE CORRECT THING. ELLAS APOLOGY. A GAME OF CHESS. THE GUTTER OF TIME. A MAKER OF MEN. A MARRIAGE HAS BEEN ARRANGED THE OPEN DOOR. MR. STEINMANNS CORNER. THE SALT OF LIFE. THE FASCINATING MR. VANDER VELDT a Come&y in ifour acts BV ALFRED SUTRO Copyright, 1906, by Samuel French London SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 26 Southampton Street STRAND, LONDON New York SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER 26 WEST 22D STREET ^.^o,^4<^oo The Amateur Fee for the representation of this play is Five Guineas, payable in advance to the author's Sole Agents : — MESSRS. SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD., 26, SOUTHAMPTON STREET, STRAND, LONDON. No performance may take place unless written authority has first been obtained. All tho Costumes, Wigs, and Properties used in this Play may be hired from /H. I^ox, Ltd., 27, \YeUington Streeit, Strand, Loc don. The following is a copy of' (he original BiU THE aARRIOir THEATRE Lessee and Manager : ftr. ARTHUR BOURCHIER Otf Thursday, A fril tht a6th, igo6, and efiery evening following. A Comedy in Four Acts, ■ ' < ^ by . ALFRED SlITRO ENTITLED The Fascinating Mr. Vanderveldt Lady Clarice Howland Miss Violet Vanbrugh. Aggie Coles Miss Muriel Beaumont. The Marchioness of Hendingby (pronounce4 Henby) . . .' Miss Nora Greenlaw. Lady Clementina Desborough Miss Elfrid.a' Clement. Miss Felling Miss Henrietta Watson. Mrs. Brevell. .'. Miss. Pamela Gaythorne. Mrs. Mellon Miss Kate Phillips. Mary Miss Annie Stuart. Mr. Vanderveldt Mr. Arthur Bourchier. Colonel Rayner Mr. C. Aubrey Smith. Lord Woolham M> Walter Pearce. Sir Bartholomew Cardick (one of (H.M.'s Judges) .'..'. Mr. O. B. Clarence. Mr. Goddlestone .'. Mr. George TroUope. Rev. Hubert Langston Mr. Charles V. France. Mr. Mellon Mr. Charles Goodheart. Alfie Master Hugh Wakefield. Footman Mr. Douglas Imbert. Time — The present. THE FASCINATINa MB. VANDEBVBLDT THE FASCINATING MB, VANDERVELDT THE FASCINATING ME. VANDERVELDT H O THS FASOINATINa MP.. VABTDSIITELDT E-i THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. ACT I. The drawing-room of Lady Clarice Howland's cot. tage in Sonning. The room, which is simply but pleasantly furnished, has at back French windows opening on to the lawn ; there is a path outside that winds off to the right. In the room there is a door at R. U. e., and another at L., which, when open, shows a glimpse of the hall. There is a charming view, through the door and windows, of the winding river and the blue hills beyond. Aggie Coles, a very pretty American girl of twenty-three or twenty-four, is seated at the piano, playing a Sousa march. The door 1,. opens, and Miss Felling enters and crosses to r. of Aggie. She is a handsome woman of thirty, whose face, however, wears a permanent expression of discontent. She is dressed with studied simplicity. AGGIE stops playing, and turns. Jiises. Miss Felling, {stiffly) Excuse me — I am Miss Felling, Lady Hendingby's companion. Lady Hen- dingby is with Lady Clarice. You are Miss Coles, are you not ? I was told to go to you. Aggie, {who has risen) Oh, won't you sit down ? {pushing arm-chair to c.) Miss Felling, (l. of settee r., sitting) Thank you. I am afraid I am disturbing you. But J have to obey orders. 5 6 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERViiLDT. Aggie, {puzzled^ Oh, you're not disturbing me at all 1 {she sits on arm of chair c.) I was merely trying to hammer out a tune. Do you play ? Miss Felling, {drily) The piano is supposed to be one of my accomplishments. Also, I read well — aloud, I mean — know French and German, can trim a hat, and am cheerful. Aggie. Oh ! Miss Felling. Now you knov/ as much about me as you would gather froin an advertisem"ent. You are an American, aren't you ? Aggie. Yes. Miss Felling. You don't speak with an accent. Aggie, {smiling) American women don't, as a rule, except on the English stage. Miss Felling. I suppose your father's a mil- lionaire ? Aggie, {laughing outright) That again, you know, is rather a stage convention. There really are quite a number of American fathers who aren't rich at all ! Miss Felling. I hope yours is ? Aggie, {rather surprised') Foor dad ! he's com- fortable, and he sends me enough to pay my bills. Miss Felling. Have you ever heard of my father ? ■ Aggie, {politely) I'm afraid Miss Felling. Sir Richard Felling — one of the most popular men in London. He kept open house — all his friends loved him — and borrowed money. He was very popular. He died two years ago, and left us — my mother and three daughters — without a penny. Aggie, {sympathetically) Oh! Miss Felling. The creditors swooped down the day after the funeral ; his friends said, " Poor old Richard ! " and I became companion to Lady Hen- dingby. I hope your father isn't too popular ! Aggie. I don't know — he works very hard. But I'm so sorry, Miss Felling I ,' Miss Felling, {drily) Everyone was sorry — it's quite extraordinary how much unemployed sorrow THE, FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 7 (rises and moves to fire-place"} there is in the world. And I meet lots of people who say, " What ! You a companion 1 Dear old Dick Felling's daughter ! How sad 1 ". And the next minute they're calling no trumps, or doubling spades. Aggie. I'm afraid people are very callous. Miss Felling. Lady Hendingby at least engaged me, and gave me a salary. Do you know Lady Hen- dingby ? Aggie. Clarice has spoken to me of her mother, of course, but I haven't met her. Miss Felling. You will — she'll be coming down soon. She's what they call a " grande dame." Aggie, (laughmg) That sounds very alarming. Miss Felling. A "grande dame," you know, lifts her glasses to look at you, and usually has an imposing nose. She is inclined to be rude, doesn't encourage, plebeians in her drawing-room, unless they're very wealthy ; dresses rather shabbily, and is the daughter of a duke, {moving to Aggie) Aggie, {playfully) Invariably ? Miss Felling. At least in this case. My em- ployer's father was the Duke of Trenby. Aggie. I didn't know. Miss Felling. The Duke of Trenby looked like a gamekeeper, was never without a straw between his teeth, and cared for nothing but oxen and turnips. {sitting on settee) Aggie, {laughing) You're making me giddy ! Miss Felling. A companion has unusual op- portunities for observation. Lady Clarice Aggie, {interrupting hers, geiitly, rises and moves to head of settee) She's my friend, you know. Miss Felling. Oh, I wasn't going to say anything unkind ! I never say unkind things. Besides, I like Lady Clarice. Aggie. I'm glad — {sitting on arm of chair c.) I'm awfully fond of her. Wasn't it sweet of her to ask me down here ? 8 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. Miss Felling. You've known her long ? ' Aggie. We met in Paris last month. Miss Pelling. Lady Clarice is all right. Her sister 's a prig, and her brother 's a donkey — but I like Lady Clarice. I knew her husband. She wasn't happy. Aggie. She never speaks of her husband. Miss Pelling. There's nothing to say about him except what's on his tombstone — he was the sort of man you Americans will soon be turning out by machines. My employer wants Lady Clarice to marry again. Aggie, (laughing) What a funny idea ! Miss Pelling. {drily, turning sharply) 'You don't approve of widows remarrying ? Aggie. Oh, it's not that — -but Lady Hendingby wanting her to ! Miss Pelling. My employer has made up her mind — and when that happens She's lecturing Lady Clarice now : that's why I was sent to you. {turns to Aggie) By the way, Miss Coles Aggie. ■ Colls. Miss Pelling. I beg your pardon. Aggie. It's spelt with an '■ e," of course, and at home we speak it Coles. But I like to be in the movement. Miss Pelling. I see. Aggie. Lady Hendingby calls herself Lady Henby Miss Pelling. It's the one privilege left to the aristocracy. Miss Colls, I've been very frank with you — you will of course not let my employer know Aggie. Of course not ! (rise and moves to head of settee) And, Miss Pelling, really, I think it's very hard lines. Miss Pelling. You needn't ! Why, I get fifty pounds a year — and the reversion of Lady Hending- by's dresses. And reversion, in this case, literally means " turning again ! " THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 9 Mary comes from door'R. u. e., and announces "Colonel Rayner," who follows her ; she goes. 7%^ Colonel is a soldierly, well-set-up and well-groomed man of forty-five, with a handsome, bronzed face. Miss Felling rises, standing by fire-place r. Aggie, (^jumping up) Ah, Colonel, how do you do ? Lady Clarice is upstairs, with her mother. Let me introduce you to Miss Felling, {moves down l.) Miss Felling, {below settee r.) I fancy Colonel Rayner and I have met before. Colonel, {puzzled) I've been out of England so long Miss Felling. I am now Lady Hendingby's companion. But I used to be Sir Richard Felling's daughter. Colonel, {ivith genuine sympathy) What ! Dear old Dick Felling's daughter a companion ! Oh, I'm sorry ! (Aggie srtsin chair below writing table l.) Miss Felling, {quietly to Aggie) You see ? Colonel, {to Miss Felling) I was very fond of your father. If I could in any way Miss Felling, {with, for the first time, a gentle note in her voice) Thank you. Colonel. Should you meet a thousand a year doing nothing, you might send it along. You've been in Africa, haven't you ? Colonel, {sitting in chair c.) Yes — conducting unfashionable little wars, that no one ever hears of. Miss Felling. What they call punitive expeditions? {sits on settee r.) Colonel, {nodding) That's it ! Nothing to be got from them, except enteric. I've had that twice ! Miss Felling. You've been a colonel a long time, haven't you ? Why aren't you a general ? Colonel. I've given up asking conundrums. Miss Felling. There's a machine they call the War Of- fice Aggie, {suddenly bursting out laughing and clapping her hands) Oh, you are lovely, you two ! 10 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. The Colonel and Miss Felling turn and look wonderingly at her. Miss Felling, {drily) I'm glad you find us amusing. Colonel, {genially) Miss Coles ^ is right. It's no use grizzling. Miss Felling. I never grizzle. I have already informed Miss Coles that cheerfulness is one of my accomplishments. Aggie, (contritely) I didn't mean — I'm very ■ sorry — Only, what a funny country this is ! Miss Felling, {acidly) At least we don't corner wheat — or lynch niggers — or sell divorces at so much a dozen Colonel, {rises merrily) Ladies, ladies, I've been engaged for fifteen years in quelling disputes between native tribes. Uon't compel me to draw^ my sword again ! (Aggie rises) Lady Hendingey comes in, l., followed by Clarice L. Miss Felling rises and moves up stage R. Lady Hendingby is a typical, starched, heavy, domineering dowager ; Clarice is a charming and exquisite woman of thirty. Clarice. Ah, Colonel ! Mamma, do you know Colonel Rayner? Colonel, let me introduce you to my mother, {the Colonel bows) Lady Hendingby. {lifting her glasses) of the Wor- cestershire Rayners ? Colonel. Shropshire. Lady Hendingby. {sitting in chair c.) Ah, yes — the younger branch. Clarice, {going to Aggie, whom she hasn''t noticed, and throwing an arm around her) O Aggie, forgive me ! Mamma, this is Miss Coles, the very great friend Miss Coles's name is henceforth always pronounced Colls. THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. U of mine, of whom I've been telling you. (Colonel goes up c.) Aggie. From Pennsylvania. Lady Hendingby. {who has no sense of humour) Ah. Clarice is coming to stay with us for a week or two. It will afford Lord Hendingby and myself great pleasure if you will join us. Aggie. That is very good of you. I shall be delighted. Clarice, (merrily. Sitting on l. arm of chair c.) One of the stately homes of England, Aggie ! And not one of the merriest. Mamma insists I must marry again. It seems I've been spending more money than I should — and mamma's inviting some eligible old gentlemen for me to choose from ! Lady Hendingby. (severely, with a look at the Colonel) Clarice 1 Clarice. Colonel Rayner, mamma, is as old a friend as a man can be whom you've known a fort- night ! He has taught me to punt, and he plays cricket with Teddie Lady Hendingby. (reproachfully') The boy must be nearly seven, Clarice ! (Colonel comes down r. to fire-place) Clarice. Dear mamma, I can't help that, can I ? Aggie. Such a sweet little boy. Lady Hendingby ! Colonel. He'll make a fine soldier, (by fireplace) Lady Hendingby. I intend him for the church. Aggie, (staring) But suppose he prefers the army ? Lady Hendingby. My dear Miss Coles, the tradi- tions of the family have to be observed. The sons' professions go by rotation. Clarice, (laughing) O Aggie, Aggie, don't open your eyes so wide ! You're not in America now, my dear — this is England ! (rises and crosses to Colonel) Mamma, please invite Colonel Rayner to join us at Hendingby. Colonel. Oh, Lady Clarice 12 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. Clarice. Mamma has only asked men who want to marry me — I must have one who — doesn't ! {looking at Colonel) Lady Hendingby. It will give Lord Hendingby and myself great pleasure if Colonel Rayner will favour us with his company. Colonel, (lowing) I shall be very glad, Lady Hendingby. Lady Hendingby. (to Miss Felling, who has been seated quietly in a corner) Miss Felling (Miss Felling rises and comes down to l. ofLhDY Hendingby) please make a note that Colonel Rayner is coming. And kindly ring for the carriage. (Miss Pjelling is about to rise, the Colonel stops her, goes to the bell, and rings. Miss Felling moves up stage to below piano) We shall expect you next Friday, Colonel. And you, Miss Coles. I trust we shall have fine weather. Clarice. I hope it will be — but I'm afraid, Colonel, you will find that at Hendingby everyone is good except the weather ! (Mary comes in r. u. e.) Clarice. Lady Hendingby's carriage, Mary. Mary. Yes, my lady, (she goes r. u. e.) Miss Felling, (coming l. of Lady Hendingby) You instructed me to remind you about Mr. Vander- veldt. Lady Hendingby. Oh yes 1 (Miss Felling returns up stage) Clarice, as we were driving through the village, I thought I saw Mr. Vanderveldt getting into a motor-car — but it went off so quickly J He is surely not here ? (Colonel turns away, Clarice smiles at the Colonel) Clarice. Oh yes — he has been staying at Sonning for quite some time. Lady Hendingby. H'm. He is, of course, not permitted to call on you ? Clarice, (laughing) My dear mamma, what are THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 13 you thinking of ! You wouldn't have me shut my door on an old friend ! (Colonel rises and stands by fire) Lady Hendingby. I must really protest against your calling a man of his character your friend ! Clarice. I'll call him by any other name you like, mamma, but I've known him for years ! Lady Hendingby. (severely) You are aware, Clarice, that your sister and I hold strong views on the subject of men — with fiis record-r — Clarice. I admit that Mr. Vanderveldt's morals are rather — (looking at the Colonel smilingly) Parisian — but he is so amusing ! Colonel moves discontentedly up stage.) Lady Hendingby. (annoyed) H'm. (with a look at Aggie) Especially Clarice, (luho has caught the look) Oh, young American women can take care of themselves — can't they, Aggie ? (Mary comes in r. u. e.) Mary. Her ladyship's carriage. Clarice. Very well, Mary. (Mary goes r. u. e.) Lady Hendingby. (rising. Clarice and Aggie rises. Miss Felling rises) I see, Clarice, that it's quite time you came to Hendingby. I can at least promise Miss Coles that she will not meet men of that stamp there.' Good-bye, Clarice. (Clarice moves up to below Miss Felling by piano, behind armchair c. Lady Hendingby kisses her coldly) Good-bye, Miss Coles. Colonel, till Friday. Come, Miss Felling, (the Colonel holds open the door. Lady Hendingby sweeps out, followed by Miss Felling, who merely bows to the others) Clarice, (merrily, as she drops into chair c!) Isn't mamma wonderful ? Now isn't she really ? Quite wonderful? So deliciously Early Victorian! Sit down. Colonel. I'm glad you and Aggie are coming 14 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. to Hendingby. They're appallingly dull down there 1 (Aggie sits in chair below writing table L.) Colonel, {sitting on settee) Do you seriously mean to marry again ? Clarice. My dear Colonel, I never seriously mean anything— I take events as they come ! Mamma has been proving to me that I've been living on capital — if you know what that means : / don't — and that very soon I shall have nothing to live on at all. Besides, I've been a widow for three years — and I've always hated widows ! Colonel, {sourly) Who are the — candidates ? Clarice. Sir Bartholomew Cardick, the Judge — a very old friend, whom I've known all my life — and Mr. Goddlestone. Colonel. Who ? Clarice. Mr. Erasmus Goddlestone, the great Mr. Goddlestone Colonel. Who is he ? Clarice. Dear Colonel, where do you come from ? Mr. Goddlestone is the musical man, who gets up operas and things, and discovers tenors, and gives freak dinners. Oh, they're both very nice and cheer- ful old gentlemen, with lots of money — and mamma assures me they're quite the best she has in stock. So I'll marry one of them — oh, my dear Colonel, don't roll your eyes at me like that ! It really is much more trouble to engage a new housekeeper ! Aggie. Oh, Clarice ! {sits in chair above writing table and writes) Colonel, {stiffly) I'm afraid that I Clarice, {merrily) Dear children, do let 's be sensible ! Why should one always fill one's mouth with inverted commas when one speaks of a husband ? Perhaps, as I've had one already — ^you've heard of him, of course. Colonel, even in Africa 1 Colonel, {racking his memory) I can't say that I Clarice. Surely, surely ! Arthur Rowland ! THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 15 Colonel. Arthur Rowland. Oh ! the cricketer ? Clarice. Of course I Why, he established a record for his 'Varsity against the Australians — two centuries in one match — all London went mad over it ! And his high jump was a marvel, and he threw the hammer further than any man has ever thrown it, before or since I Aggie. How proud you must have been, Clarice ! • Clarice. (^paiise, half earnest and half Jestmg) There was this one little drawback, you see ; I fell in love with a man, and found I had married — an athlete ! He's dead, poor fellow — but really, the last four years of his life, I scarcely ever saw him — and we'd only been married five ! Aggie. Oh ! Clarice. You see, when there wasn't cricket, there was footer — there was polo, tennis, rackets, golf — and from the moment he got up in the morning, when he used to punch a bag, till he came home at night, dog- tired, he was either running after a ball, or away from a ball, or hitting a ball, or kicking a ball ! I was merely an annexe, an afterthought — a wicket he had captured, and forgotten ! Aggie, {laughing) If I were you I'd bring up little Teddie in a girls' school, and teach him knitting ! Clarice, {looking at the Colonel) Now why is the Colonel scowling at me as though I were a hill- tribe ? Colonel, {abruptly) I want to talk to you. {rises) Clarice. I had an idea that was what we were doing at present. Colonel. I have something rather important — {he looks deprecatingly to Aggie) I wonder whether Miss Coles {crossing to Aggie.) Aggie {cheerfully) By all means ! I'll go into the garden, {she rises) Clarice, {rises, goes tip to Aggie by witidow and kisses her.) The domineering ways he has ! Aggie, we'll neither of us marry a Colonel 1 16 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. Aggie gois laughingly into the garden ; the Colonel has been moving restlessly to and fro ; he stands in front of Clarice. Clarice, {merrily') Well, warrior ? (coming down stage) Colonel, (l. of Lady Clarice) Lady Clarice, I want you to be serious for a moment. (Clarice moves to settee and sits) There is a great service you can render to another woman. Clarice, (wondering) I ? Colonel. Yes. You have a good heart, I know. And this is a case Clarice. Go on. Who is she ? Colonel. Mrs. Brevell. Clarice, (with a grimace) The flighty, yellow- haired little woman who lives across the road ? Colonel, (awkwardly) Yes. Of course she's not very interesting. But Tom Brevell's an old friend of mine. We were at school together. Clarice. Well ? Colonel, (coming to her. Abruptly) This Mr. Vanderveldt of whom you were speaking Clarice, (with a look that speaks volumes) Ah ! Colonel, (nodding his head) Yes. Clarice, (with a shrug) Well, I don't see what /can do. Colonel, (earnestly) I know her very well, of course. She hasn't much brain, and Tom has always Spoiled her — but she has run straight enough so far. This Vanderveldt fellow Clarice (mischievously) The most charming man I've ever met 1 Colonel, (angrily) Lady Clarice 1 (moving to back of settee) Clarice. Well, he is, isn't he ? cynical, of course — and very naughty — ^you see, he gives one a thrill. Oh, I don't wonder that Mrs. Brevell Colonel, (sitting on back of settee, grimly) I THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 17 thought I told you her husband was — my friend. And there are two little children whom he adores — and he adores his wife. Clarice, {almost wistfully) He's not an athlete — only a barrister I Why, doesn't he practise in the Divorce Court ? Colonel. Yes. Clarice. Then what made him invite a man like Mr. Vanderveldt to his house ? Surely Colonel. He has such a blind faith in his wife ! And /can say nothing to her — or to him — but I've seen it — I go there a good deal. Lady Clarice, there's danger ahead ! Clarice, (nodding) When a woman with her coloured hair, and no brain beneath it, meets a man like Mr. Vanderveldt Colonel, {ycry earnestly) Then a woman with yotir coloured hair, and j^z/r brain beneath it, may save her from wrecking her life, and her husband's I Clarice. (throwing herself back and laughing heartily') My dear Colonel ! My excellent, domineer- ing, lecturing, salvationing friend ! you have mistaken my mitier. You are a bad stage-manager. Colonel! This isn't my role at all ! Colonel. It is the rble of every woman to save an- other. Clarice, (lightly') Theoretically. We all sub- scribe to theories. In fact, it's the cheapest form of subscription I know. Colonel, (sternly) Lady Clarice, do you decline to intervene ? Clarice, (rises) With all the emphasis a very hot afternoon allows me ! (moves to fireplace 'i^!) Be sen- sible, warrior ! My acquaintance with Mrs. Brevell is limited to an occasional good-morning and good-after- noon. She is not the kind of woman I like Colonel, (doggedly) She is a woman who needs help. Clarice. You said that before, didn't you ? And 2 IS THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. we all need help — but it's the most difficult thing in the world ! And what do you think Mrs. Brevell would say if I were to — oh, it's preposterous ! (moving' to C.) Colonel. Try. Clarice. Really, you'll make me angry ! What on earth should I tell her ? Colonel, {rising and crosses to her) Exactly what I've said to you. Remember she has a great admira- tion for you — has long wanted to know you. And there are things that only a woman can say to a woman. Clarice. Precisely; and, believe me, those are the very things Mrs. Brevell would say to me if I in- terfered. She would resent it — and be perfectly just- ified. Come, Colonel, let 's say no more ! I'll call Aggie, and we'll have tea. {she is about to go »p c. He lays a hand on her arm) Colonel, (r. c.) Lady Clarice, you spoke very lightly just now, and a little cruelly, about your hus- band — / knew that there was an aching heart be- neath Clarice, (l. c.) Teeth ache, Colonel — and heads — not hearts Colonel. / know that all this frivolity of yours lies only on the surface — and, speaking as a man to a woman, and as earnestly as a man caii speak to a woman, I tell you that it is your duty to save Mrs. Brevell Clarice, {defiantly) Indeed? Colonel. And that to shrink from this duty would be weak — and cowardly. Clarice, {suddenly, very serious, looking hard at him) Brave words, Colonel Rayner ! Colonel, {unflinchingly) Yes. The truth. For a moment they stand face to face, then Clarice suddenly breaks away. Clarice. {pettishly. Pause) Tiresome man ! {sitting in chair below table L.) What could I say to hL^r ? THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 19 Colonel. How can I tell you ? You know. Clarice. I dislike her so much! If I succeeded, it would mean having to see her again Colonel, (c.) Not too great a price to pay for such a success ! Clarice, {in whimsical despair) What a mis- fortune to have a Don Quixote among one's friends I (rises and moves to Colonel) When is this interview to take place "i Colonel. The sooner the better — at once, if pos- sible. Clarice. At once? Colonel. Please. Clarice, {annoyed) But this is Colonel. I have my reasons. Believe me. Clarice shakes her head at him, half amused and half atigry ; then goes to the French window, and calls " Aggie, Aggie ! " — then she turns to the Colonel. Clarice. (Colonel moves to fireplace r.) I shall only make a fool of myself, you know ! I call it (Aggie appears at the window) Clarice, {picks tip paper from seat r.) Aggie, my child, you know the woman with the — gollywog hair — across the road ? Aggie. Mrs. Brevell ? Our pet aversion ? {on Clarice's i-.) Clarice, {with a pathetic sigh) Yes ! Will you go, like an angel, and tell her I'd like to see her — as soon as she can — I want — to ask her a favour ! Aggie, {amazed) To ask her a favour ! You! Clarice. Yes — it's insane, I know ! But go, dear — will you ? Aggie, {laughing) Oh yes — I'll go. Well, this is a funny country ! {she goes to l. ; the Colonel turns to Clarice) Colonel, {simply) Thank you. Clarice. Oh, don't be in too great a hurry ! {she 20 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. faces him. Pause) Now, will you tell me, please, why I am doing this ? Colonel. Because you feel it to be right. Clarice, (waywardly) I'm sorry I told mamma to ask you to Hendingby ! Colonel, (meekly) If you like, I won't go. Clarice. That would be rude to mamma, {sittmg in chair c.) Really, I think you good men are much more trying than the bad ones. Especially in this hot weather ! Colonel, (deprecatingly) Lady Clarice, I know how unpleasant the task will be Clarice. You don't know at all — you haven't an idea ! {rises and crosses to fireplace) Here am I going to lecture a woman — I hate even to talk to ! (Colonel moves l. Aggie comes running) Aggie. Clarice, she'll be here in a moment — I met her just as she was going out. She's awfully pleased ! Clarice, {with a shrug) Ugh ! — Well, Colonel Rayner, you had better retire — and sing Te Deums ! (Colonel crosses to Clarice. She puts out her hand, he takes it and kisses it) It will take me several weeks to forgive you ! Colonel, {gratefully) Good-bye, Lady Clarice ! And again, thank you ! — Good-bye, Miss Coles, {he bows, and goes r. u. e.) Clarice, {with whimsical fretfulness) The pro- voking, tiresome, tedious copybook man ! Oh, what have I let myself in for ! Aggie, {at head of settee) What is it, Clarice ? Clarice. Don't ask, there's a dear child ! {sitting in settee) What are you to do when a man tells you he's sure you're good ? Say something spiteful, Aggie, quick — to take the taste out of my mouth ! Aggie, {looking into the garden) Here she comes 1 Clarice, {discontentedly) Through the garden — instead of being announced in the ordinary way 1 Intimate — at once ! — Go, dear, she and I must have a talk together — and such a talk ! {rising and crosses THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 21 with Aggie to door l. Exit Aggie. Clarice moves down by writing table l.) Aggie goes, laughing, l. After a moment Mrs. Bre- VELL, a fluffy-haired, simpering, but exceedin£;ly pretty woman, appears at the French window, and comes in. Mrs. Brevell. {gushingly comes to Clarice) Dear Lady Clarice ! I ant so glad ! Be sure that anything / can do is done already ! Clarice, {quite at a loss) Won't you sit down ? (Mrs. Brevell sits in chair c.) It's fearfully hot, isn't it ? — How well you punt ! Mrs. Brevell. (simpering') It's very kind of you to say so. (she sits) Clarice, (very embarrassed) I'm so fond of punting myself — and I've 'watched you — Oh dear ! — (pause. They both turn and face each other as if to speak. Clarice, still standing, with a sudden turn towards her) You'll never guess what I've asked you here for ! It's the maddest thing I Mrs. Brevell. (her eyes getting wider and wider) A favour, your friend said Clarice. Well, it is a favour, in a way ; and if you don't resent it you'll be — sublime ! Because I should. I should resent it exceedingly ! Mrs. Brevell. (smoothing her skirt) I shall be only too happy Clarice, {moving chair from below writing table to Mrs. Brevell's l., and sits. Abruptly, as she sits, facing Mrs. Brevell) I want to speak to you about Mr. Vanderveldt. Mrs. Brevell. (starting) Mr. Vanderveldt \ Clarice. Yes. (with a change of voice) How old are you ? Twenty-four — twenty-five ? Mrs. Brevell. I'm twenty-six. Clarice. And I thirty — four years your senior. So I'm going to talk to you — like an elder sister. Oh, don't look so indignant ! Elder sisters are horrid, I 22 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. know — I'm sure mine is ! But the favour I want is — just this— to be allowed to — help you. Mrs. Brevell. {stiffly) I fail to understand Clarice, {with a gesture of despair) Of course you do — so do I ! What business is this of mine, you ask — what right have I to — meddle Mrs. Brevell. {a trifle sulkily) I suppose Colonel Rayner — he is a frieiid of yours, I know Clarice, {nodding) It is Colonel Rayner, of course. But he's your friend, too. Mrs. Brevell. An absurdly old-fashioned, sus- picious person — who cannot conceive that a woman can be on friendly terms with a man Clarice, {shaking her head) No woman can be a friend of Mr. Vanderveldt's — till she's sixty. Mrs. Brevell. {annoyed) Lady Clarice ! Clarice. Except me, of course ; but then I've known him a very long time — I knew his wife. She's dead, poor -dear ! I knew her very well — she used to — tell me thipgs. She adored him ! He was fond of her, too, in his way. Only it was his misfortune, and hers, that he was fond of so many other women, too, and at the same time ! Mrs. Brevell. {stiffly) You must not imagine that I Clarice. I imagine nothing 1 But believe me, you are too young— and too pretty — oh, 7nuch too pretty ! — {^pause. Mrs. Brevell smiles) I am the only woman for whom Mn Vanderveldt is safe. Because / know what his charming smile means, and that tender look in his eyes. / know that he hasn't one particle of heart — not — one — particle I That, of course, doesn't make him the less delightful. There could be no more fascinating companion — I quite admit that. He is as deliciously impertinent as one of Louis XVth's roue's ; he understands women, he knows what to say to them — and ' he^says it ! There could be no more at- tractive candle for a moth — but that moth — must not be — you ! THE FASCINATING ME. VANDERVELDT. 23 Mrs. Brevell. (rising, offended) Lady Clarice — Clarice, {risingi and speaking very earnestly) With your splendid husband, and those two dear little boys ! Ah, Mrs. Brevell, my husband didn't adore me, as yours does, and I assure you Mrs. BreTVell. (moving away r.) I am grateful for the — lecture, Lady Clarice 1 And I appreciate your kind intention. But, even though you are a few years older Clarice, (ignoring the sting) Mr. Vanderveldt declares he is in love with you — and you are half inclined to believe yourself in love with him. Mrs. Brevell. (angrily) Oh, really! This is — (moving to below settee) Clarice, (pressing her gently into settee) Sit down, sit down ! (at head of settee) After all, why shouldn't I say these things to you — why shouldn't we women ever help each other ? See, I was at Monte Carlo last year — Lady Transford was there under the —protection — of a French gentleman who gave — card parties. " Under the protection of " — don't let us mince mat- ters ! I had known her very well — she was a timid, blue-eyed little thing with soft brown hair — she had been a friend of Mr. Vanderveldt's. When her husband divorced her- — it was only two years ago — Mr. Vanderveldt never left her side — for quite six weeks ! But then — well, he tires so quickly, you see ! Her little son is with Lord Transford, of course — (Mrs. Brevell turns away) she never sees him — she presides over M. de Tremont's card-parties, at which young men lose very considerable sums, (with a sudden change of voice, and a note of deep, genuine feeling) Ah, Mrs. Brevell, Mrs. Brevell, Mr. Vander- veldt is not to blame, he is what we women have made him ; we women who are secretly attracted by the rake, and welcome him, and make much of him, while, as for the Lady Transfords ! Everyone cut her, of course,- in Monte Carlo— even / couldn't go to her, although I wanted. Because, you see, it wasn't only 24: THE FASCINATING ME. VANDERVELDT, that she had forfeited her position, or even essentially that — but she was changed in herself — she had lost her self-respect — she didn't care ! — {putting her hands on Mrs. Brevell's shoulders. Mrs. Brevell drops her head) And that is the worst of all ! Mrs. Brevell. (rising again, nervousty and rather unhappily) Lady Clarice, I don't know why you have told me all this. You mean well, of course Clarice. I have never spoken to a woman before as I have spoken to you. Colonel Rayner loves your husband — and you as that husband's wife. He is a good, loyal man. He would never have taken this extreme step — of asking me to intervene — had there not been cause — danger — immediate danger ! {she has held Mrs. Brevell's hands as she said these last ■words, and looked searchingly at her. Mrs. Brevell suddenly lets her head drop, and turns away) You see I Be frank with me ! Why not ? Mrs. Brevell. {timidly) What shall I do ? Clarice. Never see him again — never ! Sit dowa now, and write to him Mrs. Brevell. Now? Clarice. Yes — at once ! {pause) Why not ? (Mrs. Brevell crosses to writing table l. Clarice partly goes with her) Mrs. Brevell. {hesitating) The address on your note-paper Clarice. So much the better ! He'll know it was I who told you ! Mrs. Brevell goes obediently to the desk when Mary comes in r. u. e. Mary. Mr. Vanderveldt has called, my lady. Clarice. Ah 1 {she pauses for a moment — then, with rapid decision) Show him in ! (Mary c;oes R. u. e.) Mrs. Brevell. {moving to the French window) I will THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 25 Clarice, (detaining her) No ! Stay here ! And tell him — now — before me I TTiey stand for a moment, Clarice with her hand on Mrs. Brevell's. Mary returns with Mr. Van- DERVELT. He is a very handsome, clean-shaven man, with curling brown hair, and laughing blue eyes. He moves with a curious easy grace ; his voice is remarkably soft and pleasant ; his genet al appearance is virile and attractive. Mary. Mr. Vanderveldt. {she goes) Vanderveldt. Lady Clarice — (taking Clarice's hand. Clarice crosses to fireplace and works up c. round R. of settee) Ah, Mrs. Brevell ! A delightful surprise ! Mrs. Beevell. (coldly) I am glad to have met you, Mr. Vanderveldt. My husband and I are going to Scotland in a day or two. Vanderveldt. (politely, with an imperceptible smile as he gazes from one lady to another) Indeed ? Mrs. Brevell. Yes. So I will take this oppor- tunity of bidding you good-bye. Vanderveldt. (perfectly unruffled) Good-bye, Mrs. Brevell. Mrs. Brevell. (to Clarice, with feeling) Good- bye, Lady Clarice, (moving to Clarice by window — Vanderveldt crosses to fireplace r.) Clarice, (almost affectionately, as she walks with her to the French window) I hope we shall see a good deal of each other when you come back. . . . Mrs. Brevell gone, Clarice returns ; she and Van- derveldt look squarely at each other for a couple of seconds, then he bursts into melodious laughter, and she smiles. Vanderveldt. Delicious ! Clarice. Isn't it ? (moving down) 26 THE FASCINATING ME. VANDERVELDT. Vanderveldt. Your doing, of course ? Clarice. Alone I did it ! Vanderveldt. My congratulations, really I How wonderful of you ! Clarice. Sit down. Let's have tea. Will you ring. Oh, in this hot weather 1 (sitting in chair c. she rings') And you should have heard me 1 My dear man, the things I've been saying about you 1 Vanderveldt. (airily sitting, in settee R. u. e.) My wife, to begin with. Clarice, (nodding) .<4«i/ Lady Transford. (Mary comes in) Tea, please. And tell Miss Coles. (Mary goes L. u. E.) Vanderveldt. (nursing his knee) Lady Trans- ford, of course. By the way, I've had a letter from her. She's going to be married. Clarice. To the French gentleman ? Vanderveldt. No ; to a — ^youngish — Austrian baron. Clarice. What a happy ending ! Vanderveldt. Isn 't it ? Would have rather spoiled your story, I'm afraid. Poor Mrs. Brevell ! Clarice, (smiling) You don't seem heart-broken ! Vanderveldt. Like the great Napoleon, I believe in Destiny. Also I doubt whether you would allow me to weep on your shoulder. If it hadn't been for you, though ! Well, at least, I scored a moral victory. Clarice. Dear me, I thought I had done that ! Vanderveldt. We won't quibble about terms. Do you know, there's a little triumphant flush on your cheek that's very becoming ? (Mary comes in with tea, which she places on table below piano, then brings table down c. and places it in front of Clarice) Clarice. That's excessively kind of you. I expect the Dragon will have said something like that to St. George. THE FASCINATING MR. VANDEEVELDT. 27 Mary. Miss Coles has gone out, my lady. Clarice. Ah ! you're sure ? Mary. Yes, my lady, (moving chair from Cla- rice's L. and places it below writing table L. She goes l.) Vanderveldt. Destiny again 1 Clarice. With a racket this time — she'll be play- ing tennis at the club. Vanderveldt. What a responsibility you have assumed ! Clarice, (looking uf) I ? Vanderveldt. Why, yes. You know the story of the chemical gentleman who resuscitated the man they had hanged ? Clarice, (laughing) But you see / intervened before the noose had been fitted. Vanderveldt. (meditatively, taking cup from Clarice) Mrs. Brevell has an adaptable neck. A very pretty one too ! (suddenly) How nice to be you ! Clarice. So I've frequently been told. Vanderveldt. All aglow with the consciousness of having saved a fellow-creature ! I believe " saved " is the technical term ? Clarice. It will pass. Vanderveldt. I rescued a man once, who was drowning. Clarice. Really ? Vanderveldt. And when he'd recovered, he cursed me for my pains. Clarice. How disgraceful ! Vanderveldt. Said he had chronic dyspepsia, and was reduced to milk. Now I let 'em drown. Clarice. At least it keeps you from getting wet. Vanderveldt. (with a change of tone) How long are you staying at Sonning, Lady Clarice ? Clarice. Till Friday. I'm going to Hendingby. Vanderveldt. To your mother's ? Clarice. Yes. She has been here to-day. She insists that I ought to re-marry. 28 THE FASCINATING ME. VANDEEVELDT. Vanderveldt. {thoughtfully) I'm not sure that she's wrong. Clarice. I'm spending too much money, and she declares I'm growing old. Vanderveldt. (looking critically at her) There is a wrinkle. Clarice, {indignantly') There isn't ! Vanderveldt. {nodding) But there is, though. One. Clarice, {rising) Where ? {she goes to the glass on mantelpiece) Vanderveldt. Under the left eye. Not very noticeable {rising), so far, but it 's there. Clarice, {looking into the glass) Unpleasant man 1 {She returns to her seat c.) Vanderveldt. After all, you're thirty-one. Clarice. Thirty. Vanderveldt. Debrett says thirty-one. Clarice. Bother Debrett ! Vanderveldt. By all means, {putting down cup' on tray) Yes, I'm inclined to agree with Lady Hend- ingby. Clarice. That is a comfort. Some more tea ? Vanderveldt. No, thanks. D' you know, I've an idea Clarice. Another wrinkle ? Vanderveldt. {at back of Clarice's chair c.) Well, of a kind, {gets chair from Ijelow writing table and places it on her l.) Why shouldn't you marry me? Clarice, {leaning back, and laughing) A proposal ! Vanderveldt. In proper form. What do yoa think ? Clarice, {highly amused) A trifle sudden, isn't it ? Vanderveldt. I assure you, the last time I was- here, the thought flashed across me Clarice. You didn't tell Mrs. Brevell ? Vanderveldt. No — I don't think so — no. I'm. very rich. THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 29 Clarice. So I've been told. Vanderveldt. My father left me ten thousand a year, and I've never exceeded my income. Clarice. That's most satisfactory. Vanderveldt. And as of course you must- marry money Clarice. So mamma says. Vanderveldt. Well, really, I think I'd do. I can't refer you to my last place, (exchanges a look with her) Clarice. No. Vanderveldt. But I've a sense of humour, and so have you. After all, that's the essential, don't you think ? Clarice, (laughing) A sense of humour, and ten thousand a year ! It's tempting ! Vanderveldt. Then what do you say ? Clarice, {cheerfully) Oh, I say, no 1 Declined with thanks. Vanderveldt. (imperturbably) That's very un- reasonable. Since you intend to marry Clarice. I do. Vanderveldt. Then why not me ? Clarice. Well, in the first place, I don't — shall we say ? — admire you. Vanderveldt. I amuse you, don't I ? Clarice. Oh yes ; very much ! Vanderveldt. What more do you want in a hus- band ? Clarice. Well, there are other qualities. Vanderveldt. The ones you read of in novels ! Really, I'm quite in earnest. Clarice. So am I. Vanderveldt. {turning his chair round he facing her Will you marry me. Lady Clarice ? Clarice. Certainly not, Mr. Vanderveldt. {imit- ating him) Vanderveldt. I've rather set my heart on it. Clarice. That, of course, is a pity. 30 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. Vanderveldt. And when I've set my heart on a thing- Clarice, (rising, and speaking a little coldly) Then the thing sometimes says " Good-bye, Mr. Vander- veldt." Vanderveldt. {rising too, with undiminished cheer- fulness) I shall go to Hendingby on Friday, {putting chair to below writing table) Clarice, {shaking^ her head ) I'm afraid my mother has heard too much about you Vanderveldt. Oh, I'll get over that! I shall be there ! Clarice. By all means. You'll find it dull. Vanderveldt. Not at all ! And we shall be en- gaged before I leave. Clarice, {raising her eyebrows) Indeed ? Vanderveldt. Oh yes. I've quite made up my mind. Now I'll go. Clarice. Good-bye,, {she holds out her hand) Vanderveldt. {retaining it in his) Have you any preference as regards the engagement ring ? Clarice, {biting her lip) Isn't that rather — pre- mature ? Vanderveldt. I'm going to town to-day — I thought it might save time. Clarice, {releasing her hand, and for the first time speaking with real earnestness, and allowing her annoy- ance to appear) Mr. Vanderveldt, you are the last man in the world I would think of marrying. Vanderveldt. {beaming Oh, thank you so much ! Now there really will be some merit in becoming en- gaged ! Good-bye 1 He goes towards door r. u. e. and exits. Clarice re- mains, standing, exceedingly vexed, as the curtain falls. THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 31 ACT II. A sheltered spot in the grounds of Hendingby Castle, surrounded by trees. At back there is a little gate, opening on to a private carriage road which winds through the grounds. Beyond is a pleasant picture of well-wooded hills. There are paths to L. and R. AGblE and Lord Woolham come in from R., LORD WooLHAM helps Aggie over stile. Lord Woolham is a pleasantfaced, breezy boy of twenty-five. Woolham. Ah, Miss Coles, let's stop here for a moment, will you ? — it's so jolly and shady. Sit down, and tell me some more about America. Aggie. We've nothing like this over there, these fine parks of yours, with their grand old trees and grand old houses ! With us everything 's new. Oh, Hendingby 's a glorious place — I just love it ! {sits on seat round tree) Woolham. (takes cushion from seat under tree, puts it on the ground and sits) The place is all right ! But, to tell you the truth — well, I hate it 1 Aggie. Lord Woolham ! Woolham. I do, that 's a fact. One gets tired of the country, you know — of the silly, fat-headed sheep and the lumbering cows. It 's all verj- well for poets to rave about purple hills, and brooks, and poppies in the cornfields — ^but a fellow gets pretty sick of 'em, I can tell you ! Give me Piccadilly ! Aggie. Fancy wanting town when you've Hend- ingby to live in 1 Woolham. Oh, that 's all very fine! Besides, you've been here long enough to see what my people are like. They're so thundering good ! Aggie, (with a smile) They are good, of course. Woolham. And they want me to be, too ! Cle- mentina 's thirty-five^-it 's easy enough for her — /'ll 33 THE FASCINATING ME. VANDERVELDT. be good when I'm thirty-five. But at present I'm twenty-three. Aggie, {teasingly) Are you as much as that ? WooLHAM. {lifting himself on to an elbow) Oh, Miss Coles, don't you be like the others, and treat me as though I were a boy ! D'you know, they're mak- ing me stand for the House — I'm what they call nurs- ing the constituency. I don't want to — I loathe politics — but I'm the only son, and I've got to. . .So I'm here nearly all the time 1 Aggie. Oh, but Lord Woolham, how fine to take part in the government of your country ! Woolham. Half a dozen men do the governing — and another dozen or two do the talking — and the rest waltz in and out of a lobby to the sound of a muffin- bell. Oh, it 's awful rot, you know ! And I have to read up Education Bills, and Chinese Labour, and Aliens, and Fiscal Questions — fancy ! — and address meetings, and be heckled, and kiss babies, and shake hands with everyone — and be popular ! Aggie, {laughing) Poor Lord Woolham! But you would be a Marquis's son ! Woolham. I tell you, if I had known that Clem- entina belonged to the same brood, and had come down before me, I'd have scooted around and got the ticket-clerk up there to give me some other label. It 's all Clementina, you know. She 's the tail that wags every one of us. It 's she who persuaded the mater to hold all these meetings here — Anti-Vivisection and Discharged Prisoners, and Temperance, and the Church in Wale.s Aggie, {merrily, rises and crosses her hands over her breast) Don't forget the Companions of the Perfect Life ! {sits again) Woolham. Yes — that 's her latest ! She 's awfully proud of it ! All the kids in the village have their C.P.L. badge. Of course it's only a fad — she has taken, to goodness as men do to drink. But at least if a fellow gets a bit jolly he don't expect all his THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 33 family to lie under the table too ! The mater kicked a bit at first, but now she 's as bad as Clementina ! Aggie, {laughing) I'm terribly afraid of Lady Hendingby 1 WooLHAM. She bosses us all, of course, from the guv'nor down to the smallest boy in the stables. Now she has pitched on poor Clarrie — tells her she must get married. It 's hard luck, isn't it ? She sends up to town for a pair of Methuselahs Aggie. They're very nice old gentlemen — but I do hope Clarice won't 1 WooLHAM. Oh yes, she will — you don't know the mater— «:«(/ Clementina ! And poor Clarrie 's like me — we talk very big — but we're putty up to the waist 1 She'll do as she 's told — you'll see 1 Aggie. I call it an awful shame ! WooLHAM. {with a chuckle) So does old Van ! Aggie, {wondering") Mr. Vanderveldt ? WooLHAM. Rather 1 I say, how they all hate him ! It 's a great lark, isn't it ? The way he snubs Clem- entina, and chaffs the mater — it does one's heart good 1 And he always pops up whenever the Judge, or Goddy, begins to get sentimental. Artful chap, old Van ! He has got something up his sleeve, I'll swear ! Aggie, {puzzled^ Up his sleeve ? WooLHAM. I do declare I've dropped into slang ! Clementina's always getting at me for that. Let's call it a deep-laid scheme — is that good American ? Aggie, {smiling) Quite. WooLHAM. {ingratiatingly, leaning towards her and taking her hand) Do you believe in saving people, and things. Miss Coles ? Aggie. In moderation, {rises and moves to Wool- ham's L. at back of him and takes up racqicet from chair L. c.) WooLHAM. Well, I've an idea the mater means to marry me off as well — I've noticed her eye on me of late Aggie. Let 's hope she'll choose someone nice 1 34 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVTLDT. . WooLHAM. It don't seem to alarm you at all I Mrs. Cording-Jones — the Bishop's wife, you know- has a daughter about seven feet high, with a squint and red hair — Clem thinks a lot of her Aggie, (merrily) When I get back to America, I'll send over some enterprising young heiress, and she shall elope with you ! WooLHAM. That 's not quite what I ( Judge speaks offR. I. E.) — Hullo ! Some one coming ! Cave ! (he sits up, and assumes a pedantic tone) The Aliens Bill, Miss Coles, is a highly complicated measure. The fundamental principle underlying it is (The Judge comes in from R.) Oh, it 's only the Judge ! {gets rac- quet from seat c.) He jttmps up — Aggie rises. The Judge is a well- preserved, elderly man, with gray hair andwhiskers, and a rather hatchet-like face. Judge. Walter, my boy, I've been looking for you. (crosses to L.) WooLHAM. (moving towards Aggie) We're just going to the house. Judge. Let me carry your racquet. Miss Coles. Aggie. No, thanks — I can manage it ! And I'll take yours, if you like, and leave you with Sir Bar- tholomew. Judge, (deprecatingly) The fact is that I WooLHAM. (eagerly c.) Miss Coles, if you're not careful you'll find Mrs. Cording-Jones up there. This is her day ! Aggie. Mrs. Jones won't bite me 1 WooLHAM. Heavens, don't you address her as Mrs. Jones ! She'd have a fit 1 (Aggie laughs, and moves) WooLHAM. (regretfully) Au revoir 1 Aggie. Au revoir. She waves her racquet, and goes r. Woolham stands, following her with his eyes ; the Judge goes to him, and takes him fussily by the arm. THE FASCINATING MR, VANDERVELDT. 35 WooLHAM. (r. c.) What a jolly little girl she is I Judge, (l. c, passing his arm through Woolham's and making him turn round) The fact is, Walter — the fact is — I am thoroughly displeased. WooLHAM. What 's up now ? Judge, (acidly) Can you inform me why Mr. Vanderveldt is here ? WooLHAM. {chuckling) Funny! The very ques- tion Goddlestone put to me yesterday ! Judge. Goddlestone, eh ? But why ? His visit seems very ill-timed. WooLHAM. {his back against a tree) The one thing in the world the mater allows the guv'nor to care for is salmon-fishing. He 's too poor to hire a river — and Van has the best one in Scotland. He put it at the guv'nor's disposal — and the old man was so jolly pleased that he asked him down to Hendingby. Judge. H'm. I blame your father. WooLHAM. {with a chuckle) So did the mater — and Clementina ! But I don't know why. Van 's all right. Judge, {discontentedly) He caps my stories, Wal- ter, when he doesn't interrupt them ; and on the rare occasions when I secure an interview with Clarice he contrives to join us in the most indiscreet manner. And he says things — in fact, I've a lurking suspicion, at times, that his — jests — are aimed at — me ! Walter, I'm not at all sure that my — case— is progressing. WooLHAM. {off-handed) Don't be down-hearted 1 Buck up ! Judge, (yuith a wintry smile) Were we in Court now, I should have to ask you for an explanation of those words ! But how can I " buck up," as you call it, when Clarice seems to show so manifest a preference for the society of Mr. Vanderveldt ? WooLHAM. He 's such a funny beggar — he makes her laugh 1 But don't be afraid — he 's not in the running ! Judge. Walter, your use of slang is most displeas- 36 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. .ing. Tell me, my boy, have I a chance, do you think ? WooLHAM. {beginning to be very bored, sitting on tree seat) Why not ? You're one of her oldest friends. Judge, {ruefully, sitting on tree seati.. of Wooim am.) Oldest — ^yes — that 's the rub. I'm old — one can't argue about it^ — it 's the point of law one doesn't leave to the jury. But, confound it, if I'm old, so 's Goddle- stone, too ! And / only wear a wig on the Bench, whereas he WooLHAM. {laughing) Don't be spiteful, Judge ! I say, wzV Miss Coles ripping ? Judge, {absently) A very pleasant young woman. Yes — that 's the one thing that comforts me — the thought of Goddlestone ! Walter, you're perfectly certain the choice lies between him and me ? WoOLHAM. Oh yes — that 's all right ! Judge, {he rises, and claps Walter on the shoulder) Walter, you have bucked me up ! (Woolham rises) .1 don't think any woman could care for Goddlestone ! All he can do is to twaddle about music. Clarice might as well marry a pianola ! Miss Belling comes in from r., moves up to gate c, by bach of tree r. c. Miss Belling. Lord Woolham ! WooLiTAM. {turning) Hullo 1 Ah, Miss Belling ? Miss Belling. Lord Woolham, they are wanting you at the house ; Lady Clementina has sent me Woolham. {sulky) What 's up now, Miss Belling ? Miss Belling. I believe it 's a deputation from Little Ockham Woolham. (r.) Hang Little Ockham 1 Judge, {briskly. Crosses to Woolham. Goddle- stone eiiters from l. u. e.) Walter, my boy, meet your deputation like a man. Don't pledge yourself to any- thing — put your head on one side, look very serious, and say you'll consider their propositions. That 's politics, Walter. I'll go with you. THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 37 While the Judge is speaking to Woolham, Goddle- STONE has come in from the gate at back, has gone to Miss Pelling, and detained that lady who was about to return to the house. The Judge, as he goes off with Woolham, catches sight of Goddle- stone. Judge. Hullo, Goddlestone ! How about that golf- of ours ? Goddlestone. I'm ready {coming down c.) Judge. I'll meet you at the links in half an hour. I'll just help Walter to polish off his deputation, {lie goes a step to r. and returns to Goddlestone) By the way, I've some good news for you — I saw an Italian fellow in the village, with a real London barrel organ 1 {He laughs heartily, and goes with Woolham r. i. e.) Goddlestone. {sourly') That 's the sort of joke people laugh at in Court ! I say, Miss Pelling, the Judge is always with Lord Woolham. Looks as though . he were trying to get round him ? Miss Pelling. {sitting in chair l. c.) You needn't be afraid, Mr. Goddlestone. Lord Woolham has no influence over his sister. Goddlestone. {grumbling^ You never can tell — not that I'm afraid of the Judge ! I call it absurd for an old fellow like that — I put it to you. Miss Pelling ! Miss Pelling. {serenely) You have given me a pearl brooch, Mr. Goddlestone, a very handsome dress- ing-case, and five hundred cigarettes. Goddlestone. {blankly) Oh, really ! Miss Pelling. And therefore, of course, you have all my sympathy, and I trust that Lady Clarice will give you the preference. Goddlestone. {bewildered) Thank you. {moves R. a little) Miss Pelling. But I confess that, as regards age, I can see Utde to choose between the Judge and your- self. -^ Goddlestone. {crestfallen. Sits on tree seat) 38 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. That's rather unkind. I'm at least five years younger. Miss Felling. That may be ; but you've both of you reached the — period — when a few years, one way or the other, really don't signify ! GoDDLESTONE. (very depressed) I'm sorry you think that — but still — it 's not only his age — he can talk of nothing but Law 1 {more cheerfully) If he bores Lady Clarice as much as he does me Miss Felling, (serenely as ever) Well, you know, I don't think he finds your conversation — thrilling GoDDLESTONE. (Jiurt) Oh, Miss Felling ! Miss Felling. You remember, Mr. Goddlestone, when you gave me the first bribe. GODDLESTONE. A bribe 1 {rises and goes a step towards her) Oh ! I knew your father ! Miss Felling, {imperttirbably) When you gave me the first bribe, I told you that all I could offer in return was perfect sincerity. And GoDDLESTONE. {meekly, leaning over her chair) Miss Felling, I'm really very unhappy ! I can't help feeling that I'm not — making much headway. Miss Felling. I don't think you are. But, then, neither is the Judge. GODDLESTONE. {pettishly) I'm not bothering about -the Judge. It 's this man Vanderveldt ! Miss Felling. I've told you, again and again, that you need not look on Mr. Vanderveldt as a rival. Goddlestone. {walks up and down) I know — but still — she's -with him nearly all the time ! Miss Felling. He amuses her. You and the Judge merely buzz around, like a couple of bumble- bees. Goddlestone. Whenever I try to propose — and I Aave tried — she puts me off 1 She always seems to to regard it — as a — joke ! Miss Felling. Well, don't be put off. Ask her — like a man ! {she rises suddenly) And here 's your ■chance now ! {moves across to R.) THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 39 Clarice comes from the l. u. e. with an armful of flowers, and is about to pass through with a friendly nod, when Goddlestone intercepts her. GoDDLESTONE. (with eager determinatiott) Lady Clarice, won't you stay here for a moment ? Clarice, (with a quick look at him) By all means, if you wish it. {coming through gate c.) D.on't let me drive you away. Miss Pelling. (Jo chair l.) Miss Pelling. (coldly) I was just going. I have ray duties to attend to. (Goddlestone moves c.) Clarice. If you must go. (then to Miss Pelling, as that lady moves of) Should you meet Colonel Rayner, I wonder would you be kind enough to let him know I wish to speak to him — very particularly ? Miss Pelling. Certainly, Lady Clarice. Clarice. Thank you so much. He will find me here, (sits in hammock. Miss Pelling goes r.) Clarice, (gleaning back in hammock) Now, Mr. Goddlestone, I'm at your service — till the Colonel comes. Goddlestone. (discontentedly) Why have you sent for the Colonel ? Clarice. It has suddenly occurred to me that I have a question to ask of him. Goddlestone. (eagerly) Lady Clarice, / have a question to ask of you. (sits in rocking chair, which he draws to hammock) Clarice. I'm not at all sure that this is a proposing afternoon, Mr. Goddlestone. Goddlestone. (blankly) I beg your pardon ? Clarice. I tell you this is your own interest. Don't you often wonder, when you meet a couple, why she married him, or he her? Because the question was asked at the right moment, under the right tree, when the right bird was singing. Goddlestone. (looking up disappointedly) Then now ? Clarice, (rocking herself, freakishly) The world 40 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. is full of women who married the wrong man — because the — other — insisted, on an answer — just when he wanted it. GoDDLESTONE. (^fretfully) Lady Clarice, you're making fun of me ! (rocking in chair) Clarice. Why ? These are general laws, are they not ? 'Tis so easy for a man to ask a woman to marry him — he does all the talking — she has only to say yes or no. And the " no " (Goddlestone moves forward in chair) lies on the tip of the tongue, you see — whereas the " yes " is hidden deep down, and has to spring up of itself, like a bird from its nest — it can never be sent for ! Or let us say " no " is a page always ready to open the door — while " yes " is the queen herself, locked away behind twelve iron gates. Goddlestone. {bewildered) Why do you say these things to me ? Clarice. Well, they're true, don't you think ^ Also they help to pass the time till the Colonel comes. I'm very anxious to see the Colonel. And besides — do you really wish me to believe — that you've not understood ? Goddlestone. {in despair) I'm quite in the dark. Clarice, {with mock sentimentality) How strange, and you such a lover of music ! I could play it to you on a piano ; I could sing it — if there were a moon. You can hear it sometimes in the swish of water over rocks, when the tide is low Goddlestone. {throwing up his hands) Lady Clarice, I don't know what you mean ! The Colonel comes from r. and stops below seat round tree, picks up paper and watches Goddlestone over it Clarice, {briskly^ Well, I shall have to explain it some other time, for here is the Colonel. (Goddle- stone rises, moves a step to R., watches Colonel, theri- close to Clarice) THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 41 GODDLESTONE. When will you explain ? Clarice, {lightly) When ? Oh to-morrow. GoDDLESTONE. (eagerly) Is that a promise ? Clarice. Oh yes — why not ? Now go and play golf with the Judge. (Goddlestone hums and moves towards Colonel, then exits through gate to r.) Goddlestone ^<7if J' off slowly — -puzzled and wondering ; Clarice keeps her countenance till he has gone, then throws herself back in her hammock and laughs, and laughs Clarice. Was ever woman in such humour wooed — was ever widow in such humour won ! Sit down, Colonel, sit down. Why do you think I've sent for you? Colonel, {sits on tree seat — takes off hat) I've no idea. Clarice. Well, you needn't look such a martyr. Some people would like my sending for them. You've an expression on your face that makes me inclined to dye my hair. Colonel, {fretfully) Lady Clarice Clarice. I assure you I'm becoming dissatisfied with the colour. Everyone's going in for henna to-day. Colonel, {drily) Have you sent for me to tell me that ? Clarice, {airily) " Inter alia," as the Judge would say, " inter alia." My dear Colonel, was there ever such a dull party as ours ? And you avoid me — Colonel. You have shown no especial desire for my society. Clarice. They say a little boracic acid keeps milk from turning sour ; I'll write to the stores for a pound, or a gallon — how do they sell acids ? — and drop it into your whiskey, {rises and moves rocking chair to c.) Colonel. I can't say I'm very happy here — the — atmosphere — is disturbing. 42 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. Clarice. I warned you it wouldn't be gay. Mamma and Clementina are suffering from acute moralitis. You are inclined that way too. Colonel, {a little grimly) Indeed ? Clarice, (rising, and ptitting a flower into his buttonhole) Dear Oliver Cromwell, your look is a homily, your smile a sermon with four heads, and your frown a writing on the wall I {brings rocking chair forward. She goes back to her chair) But let us be serious, {at back of rocking chair) You couldn't take Mrs. Cording- Jones out and drown her ? Colonel. I'm afraid not. There are bye-laws. Clarice. The days are gone when gentlemen did little services of the kind at a lady's bidding. Colonel, I want your advice, your sympathetic counsel, your guidance, and direction {sits in chair) Colonel, {lifting his eyebrows) Mine ? {picks up racket besides him) Clarice. Who else ? Don't you keep a sort of repairer's shop on the moral highway — ^pump virtue into Mrs. Brevells, and fit new tyres on punctured souls ? Very well — Lady Clarice Rowland presents her compliments to Colonel Rayner, and will he tell her, please, whether she should marry Mr. Goddlestone or Sir Bartholomew Cardick? Colonel. Colonel Rayner's compliments, and he doesn't know. Why marry either ? Clarice. That's not the point — I've got to ! It has to be one or the other ! And I can't always keep off Mr. Goddlestone with fairy stories, or lure the Judge on to talk about lawsuits, and so forget his own I Be a nice Colonel, and choose me a husband I Colonel, {shifting his position) Lady Clarice {puts down racquet ) Clarice, {in comical protest) Oh, do leave your eyebrows alone ! I know when one of them rises in that superior fashion, I'm going to be scolded. I don't want to be scolded. Colonel — I want sympathy ! Colonel, {rising and moving away r.) Lady THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 43 Clarice, I'm a dull dog — how dull I never have realized till to-day Clarice, {fonowing him, meekly) Dear Boaner- ges, I'm not asking for your autobiography, but for advice Colonel. ' (savagely) My advice I Well, really, ■what does it matter ? whether you marry Tweedledum or Tweedledee Clarice. If I only knew which was Tweedledum ! Colonel. I regret that I cannot approach this sub- ject with the levity it appears to demand. I have always looked upon marriage as a somewhat serious institution Clarice, {moving c, addressing the trees) How dear the word " institution " is to the British heart ! But I interrupt you. Pray go on. Colonel, {abruptly) I am leaving Hendingby to- morrow. Clarice. {surprised) ~ To-morrow — why ? You were asked for a fortnight, and I understood you had accepted Colonel. I need scarcely give you the excuse I am inventing for youi: mother. Clarice. Oh, no. And perhaps I could help you ? I'm certain you're not a good liar, {turns to him and sits in chair c.) Colonel, {hesitatingly, and looking away from her, speaking with a feeling that he cannot control) The fact is, I've — reached the age when — a man can offer a — very genuine — friendship — to a woman. ... I met you, and liked you, and thought we were friends. {sits on seat by tree) Clarice. And aren't we ? Colonel. I gave you a very real proof of that friendship when I asked you to save Tom Brevell's ■wife from being ruined by a Clarice. ' {laughing ) Poor Mr. Vanderveldt ! Colonel, {angrily) Precisely. To you he is 44 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. " poor Mr. Vanderveldt." I see we can not be friends, Lady Clarice. Clarice, (rocking herself) When /'ve just given you the greatest possible proof — asked you to choose me a husband Colonel, {with simple earnestness) I'm hopelessly old-fashioned, I know — but I confess that I've always believed that a — necessary — preliminary to a woman marrying a man — was her telling him^ — that she — loved him. Clarice. Dear Sentimentality, I am a widow 1 Colonel, (with • a sudden outburst of anger rises, puts on his hat and goes up c. Returning to Clxrice'^ L.) Dear Flippancy, and Frivolity, and — {he checks himself) Lady Clarice, you know now — why I am going. Mr. Goddlestone and the Judge are a pair of old fools — but I realize that — folly — can attack a man — at any age. . . . Clarice, (sitting tip, with her hand to her chin) That is obscure, and demands a footnote. Colonel. I am leaving Hendingby to-morrow. (moving to back of her chair) For your kindness to Tom Brevell — and to me — you have all my gratitude. (sits on tree seat) At Sonning you showed a side to me — or I imagined you did — that all the world does not see Clarice, (rocking again) Dear Imagination, I have as many sides as a polygon, or a politician, or a Colonel, (distinctly hurt) I am not in a mood for further banter, Lady Clarice, (he stalks off indignantly- through gate and over stile to R. Clarice sits for a moment, rocking herself and laughing ; then suddenly gathers up her flowers, rises, and is about to hurry after him, when Clementina, off, r., calls " Clarice, Clarice ! " Clarice stops, and turns.) Lady Hendingby and Lady Clementina come in from R. r E. Clementina is a hard-faced woman of forty, dressed in black, with studied simplicity THE FASCINATING ME. VANDEEVELDT. 45 Clarice. Mamma and Clementina! Why aren't you sitting at-Mrs. Jones's feet, and leading a Perfect Life ? Isn't this her day ? (Lady Hendingby and Clementina sit on tree seat) Clementina, {coldly) The Bishop is not very well — Mrs. Cording-Jones was unable to come. (Clarice about to go through gate c.) Please sit down, Clarice. Miirama and I have something to say to you. Clarice, (sitting) About the Judge and Mr. God- dlestone, of course 'i Clementina. Yes. Clarice, mamma and I are by no means satisfied with your attitude. Clarice. Dear me ! I didn't know I had an at- titude ! Clementina, (sourly) Clarice, you are, I know, much admired for your — verbal gymnastics. But they are quite wasted on us. And, if I might say so, somewhat out of place in a person of your age. Clarice, (meekly) Thank you. Clementina. It requires no especial subtlety to turn everything into ridicule, as you do, but, believe me, it does not advance matters at all I We've come to tell you that the Judge and Mr. Goddlestone have both been complaining to us — they feel they are being played with Clarice. If they imagine they're amusing to play with ! And if they're displeased, why do they stay ? Clementina. Clarice, we do not wish to go over the ground again with you Clarice. Quite unnecessary — I know every inch of it. Clementina. You fully agreed with mamma and myself that Clarice, (impatiently) Yes, yes, I did. I've no money, I'm extravagant, my boy 's growing up, I'm no longer very young — and therefore I must marry one of these — respectable, elderly gentlemen. Very well, I'm resigned — I mean to. But at present I don't know 46 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT which — cheque-book — I prefer. Why should I be hurried ? Clementina. No one wishes to hurry you, Clarice ; but both the Judge and Mr. Goddlestone have a certain feeling of resentment as regards Mr. Vanderveldt. Clarice. Mr. Vanderveldt ! Why ? Clementina. You appear to show them so plainly that you prefer the society of this thoroughly worthless person. Clarice. I thought one of the rules of the Perfect Life was to avoid speaking ill of our neighbours. Lady Hendingby. (who has listened with a heavy frown on her face, now rising in extreme displeasure, crosses Lady Clementina to Clarice's r.) Clarice, this must not be. Clarice. Mamma ! Lady Hendingby. (sternly) I object to your tone, I object to your manner, I object to your general behaviour. Your father was foolish enough to invite this unpleasant person to Hendingby because of some wretched salmon river that he was allowed to fish in — but, there was no reason whatever for you so markedly to exceed the ordinary limits of civility one has to show to a guest. Clarice, (crushed — in feeble protest) I Lady Hendingby. The presence of this person here is distasteful to me ; and, if you please, will at least appear henceforth to be no less distasteful to you. I have no more to say, Clarice ; but I expect to be — obeyed. (Lady Hendingby ^a//«^/-j up her skirts, and is preparing to go with Clementina, who has also riseti — Clarice remaining in her chair, i?t angry submis- sion — wheft Vanderveldt comes through the wicket, and jauntily approaches the party) Vanderveldt. Good afternoon, ladies ! What glorious weather — no one can help feeling happy on a day like this ! (to Lady Clementina, as she moves off THE FASCINATING MR. VANDEEVELDT. 47 to R.) Lady Clementina, look ! A C. P. L. badge 1 I picked it up, the other side of the hedge, at the foot of an apple-tree. Clementina, (coldly) Indeed ? Vanderveldt. I conclude that the wearer, intent on stealing apples, first carefully divested himself of his badge ! What a tribute to your teaching, Lady Clementina ! Clementina, (biting her lip) Are you coming, mamma? Lady Hendingby. Yes. Vanderveldt. I see they are erecting a marquee on the lawn — what elevating function have you in store for us this evening, Lady Clementina ? Clementina, (shortly) There is to be a meeting of the local branch of the Woman's Suffrage League. Vanderveldt. Delightful 1 I wonder whether I might be allowed to say a few words Lady Hendingby. (turning and facing him) We are fully aware, Mr. Vanderveldt, that matters of this im- portance have no interest for you. But I am sure you will not resent my suggesting that a little seriousness does not come amiss when serious subjects are men- tioned. Vanderveldt. (cordially) I quite agree, Lady Hendingby ! But you wrong me in thinking that I am not interested in Women's Suffrage. I assure you it has always been my principle in life — ^to give women everything they asked for ! Lady Hendingby and Clementina look fiercely at him, but go without a word, R. i E. Clarice, (leaning back, and laughing) Good man, why do you stay here ? Vanderveldt. Well, you see, no one wants me — and there's a charm in that, (puts hat on tree seat c.) Besides, it is salutary. Are there not foolish people in the world who declare the aristocracy to be frivo-. 48 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. lous, and wildly gay ? Henceforth I shall silence them with this badge — the badge of the C. P. L. ! {^uts on badge) Clarice, (with a sigh) How I've been bored to- day 1 Vanderveldt. It is good for you. Whatever hap- pens is good. Nature, in her wisdom, gave us the sea so that people might be sick when they crossed the Channel. There are analogous reasons for the exist- ence of Mrs. Cording-Jones. {sits on tree seat) Clarice. You are turning philosopher ? Vanderveldt. (sitting) Lady Clarice, I am con- scious of a great change in me. These few days spent in the society of your admirable, mother and sister have opened my eyes to many things. And — not the least 1 — is my audacity in ever having ventured — to lift those orbs — to you 1 Clarice, (rocking herself, lightly) Ah, of course ! I had forgotten. Vanderveldt. The ring, Lady Clarice — ^the en- gagement ring I so foolishly boasted of — has been dropped into a hidden recess of the bag one always leaves behind. It has been borne home to me, with terrible suddenness, that I am not — good, (takes ojf badge and puts it on seat) Clarice, (laughing) Fancy 1 Vanderveldt. And that, to your respectable family, goodness is the essential ingredient — the daily beef, as it were. Well, I am only the mustard. Clarice. Which one always leaves on the plate. Vanderveldt. Yes 1 And I retire, therefore, in favor of the immaculate Goddlestone, or the austere, if twaddlesome, Judge. Clarice. If I only knew which 1 Vanderveldt. The Judge, beyond a doubt. His duties, at least, keep him in Court so many hours a day, whereas the musical man, like Home Rule, would always be with you. And you would burn, while Goddlestone was fiddling. THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 49 Clarice. I'm not sure that you're wrong. We'll see. Vanderveldt. As for me, before I return to the •wicked world Clarice. You're going ? Vanderveldt. To-morrow. Clarice. Everyone's going to-morrow 1 Vanderveldt. You're sorry ? {rises and goes to her) Clarice. I have the feeling of the — cave-dweller — when the glowworm's tail goes out. Vanderveldt. There are so many shining lights here 1 But, before I take my sorrowful departure, I have a favour to ask of you. Clarice. A favour ? Vanderveldt. Yes. Oh, of the most elementary order ! — You remember your Browning ? Clarice. In a headachey way. Vanderveldt. I was thinking of " The Last Ride." You know? Clarice. " My mistress bent that brow of hers " Vanderveldt. Exactly. " Those deep dark eyes, where pride demurs." Well — why not ? Clarice. Why not what ? Vanderveldt. She had refused him — as you re- fused me, and he was resigned — again like me — and he said, ■' Let us have one last ride together ! " And they rode. Well, my motor's ready. Clarice, {laughing) A motor 1 How unpoetic ! Vanderveldt. I offer forty horses to Browning's two. Will you ? Clarice. That would be the last straw I Mamma and Clementina do not approve of you. Vanderveldt. {meekly) I feared as much ! (woz^ifj R. and picks up hat off tree seat) Clarice. And it would seem their sentiments are shared by Mr. Goddlestone and the Judge. Vanderveldt. {sententiously) The unsnared rab- bit. Lady Clarice, does not swallow onions with a view to preparing itself for the poacher's dinner. 4 50 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. Clarice. Which means ? Vanderveldt. That at present — it will not be for long — you are free to do as you please. When next we meet you will babble softly of trombones, or be absorbed in the strange concoction you have devised to keep the Judge awake on the Bench, {moves to her) Let us ride. Clarice. I daren't ! There'd be such a fuss ! Vanderveldt. When they learn that I leave to- morrow Clarice. Even then- Vanderveldt. And are told this ride of ours shall have been directly responsible for my departure Clarice. But why this insistence ? Whether we sit in a car, or here ? Vanderveldt. Lady Clarice, I am a rejected suitor, am I not ? If you grant me this favour, at least, when I bid them good-bye to-morrow, the Judge will not be facetious at my expense, or Goddlestone melodious. Be a good Princess, and come ! The car's ready. Clarice, (rising, crosses to R. — pause — looks at Vanderveldt — then speaks) I must go and put on my veil Vanderveldt. Well, do — but be quick — or some- one will appear and stop us. Clarice, (as she goes) I shouldn't, I know — but I've had such a day of it 1 (as she goes off, R., she sees the Colonel coming over stile c.) Ah, Colonel 1 Mr. Vanderveldt wants me to go motoring with him. Tell him, Mr. Vanderveldt. Tell him all! And see what he says ! (She laughs and runs off, R. i e. Vanderveldt has been swearing softly to himself, but is perfectly un- ruffled as he steps forward to meet the Colonel.) Colonel, (with a heavy frown l. c.) Motoring — with you ? Vanderveldt. (lightly, r. c.) Yes. Colonel. When ? THE FASCINATING MB. VANDER VELDT. 51 Vanderveldt. As soon as Lady Clarice returns — she's gone to put on her veil. Excuse me — I'll jiist make sure that the car 's there. {^He goes to the wicket and calls " Willis ! " Voice off, " Yes, sir ! " Vanderveldt calls " Get ready ! " Foice off, " Right, sir 1 " Colonel, (to Vanderveldt, who has come back to him, c.) I suppose you will have no objection to my going with you ? Vanderveldt. {pleasantly) I should love it, Colonel, at any time. Colonel. I mean now. Vanderveldt. (lightly) Now ? Ah, now — is un- fortunately impossible.' There is a moment's silence, as they stand looking squarely at each other. Colonel.' (slowly.) Mr. Vanderveldt, you and I hold different opinions on most things Vanderveldt. (gracefully) A fact that renders our intercourse so delightful ! Colonel. But I am convinced that you yourself will see how excessively unwise it would be for Lady Clarice Vanderveldt. (with sudden determination) My dear Colonel, you object to this ride ? Colonel. I do. Most strongly. Vanderveldt. And I presume you intend forcibly to express your objection to Lady Clarice on her return ? g Colonel. As forcibly as she will permit me. Vanderveldt. Then, Colonel, I should like to tell you something — in confidence. May I ? Colonel, (surprised) If you wish it. Vanderveldt. In the strictest confidence — to re- main a secret, for to-day at least, between us two ? Colonel, (stiffly) I am not in the habit of break- ing a confidence. 62 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. Vanderveldt. My engagement to Lady Clarice Colonel, (completely staggered) What ! ! 1 Vanderveldt. Will be made public to-morrow. (pause) Colonel. It is amazing 1 why, only this after- noon Vanderveldt. Much has passed since then. Colonel. She was hesitating between the Judge and Mr. Goddlestone. Vanderveldt. You remember your ^sop, Colonel 1 And the event is of course very recent. But it justifies the ride, does it not ? (pause) Colonel, (slowly) Mr. Vanderveldt, I cannot profess to be — overjoyed-^at your announcement Vanderveldt. (genially) Frankly, Colonel, I didn't expect it. Colonel. Nor can I— very sincerely — congratulate Lady Clarice on her choice. He turns on his heel and stalks off'R. Vanderveldt beams. He goes to the wicket, and calls, " Bring up the car, Willis!" Voice off, "Yes, sir." Van- derveldt goes back, and waits. After a moment Clarice co7nes running from r. i e., motor horn ready.) Clarice. Wonderful luck ! No one saw me, or stopped me ! Why, where's the Colonel ? Vanderveldt. He's gone, (putting on gloves) Clarice. Why ? Vanderveldt. I hardly know — he wouldn't wait. Clarice, (shrugging) Oh well — if he sees no harm in it 1 I expected a sermon 1 But how silly 1 He might have come with us ! Vanderveldt. Yes — it's a pity. Shall we go? (moves to gate and opetis it) Clarice. We'll be back soon ? Vanderveldt. Oh yes — in good time for dinner. (he passes through gate and holds it open) THE FASCINATING ME. VANDERVELDT. 53 Clarice, (^as she goes) I wonder whether the Colonel's cross ? {she passes through gate) {They pass out, and he shuts the gate. Looks m the direction of the Colonel. The Curtain falls. When it is raised again the Stage is empty and a Motor Horn is heard off.) ACT III. The parlour of " The Cow and Calf" Inn at Ingleby. At L. C. there is a door, opening directly on to the road ; and, close to this door, a long, low window, with diamond-panes, and a window-seat underneath. A good slice of the room, on the: R., is walled off s in the L. centre of this wall is a door which shows the inside of the tap-room, and the back of the bar- counter is seen, with beer-pulls , tankards, etc. In a straight line from this door is another, opening on to the road. The parlour is pleasantly and sub- stantially furnished, in the old-fashioned Early Victorian way j there are coloured hunting-prints on the walls, large photographs of Lord Beaconsfield ; to the L. u. S. is an old oak dresser, plentifully gar- nished with ptwter plates and cups j in the centre is a gate-legged oak table, with a bowl of flowers on it. On the other side of the road are bare, hedgeless fields, behind which the down rises abruptly. It is a treeless landscape, rather grim and depressing, with an air of isolation that is heightened by the dull gray evening effect. As the curtain rises the door leading to the bar is open j Mellon, the landlord, a stout man with a slow, drawling, broad Sussex accent, is leaning with both elbows on the counter, puffing at his pipe j Mrs. Mellon, his wife, a. pleasant-faced, motherly body, is bustling around, cleaning glasses, etc. They both have their backs turned to the audience. Alfie, a bright boy of fifteen, is heard running ana puffing on the road outside, and bursts into the tap-room doer, shouting =' Father, father ! " 54: THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. Mrs. Mellon, {who has a brisk, bright, manner of speaking, and much less accent than her husband) How often I've told you, Alfie, not to get out of breath like that ! Alfie. {still puffing) Father, draw a gallon of ale ! Mellon, {taking down a big can, and going to the beer-pull) A gallon ! Oo's thirsty ? Alfie. {volubly) There's a motor-car broke down — we've been shovin' it more'n a mile, me an' Tom Dickson an' Harry Smelter an' Willie Framp and old Jack Times and the sexton — an' they're all done up with this last bit of 'ill, and the gentleman sent for the ale Mellon, {drawing the beer) Lor' ! Mrs. Mellon. Is the gentleman coming here, Alfie? Alfie. Yes — an' a lady — oh mum, such a lady ! I've never seen anything like her 1 When she smiles — well, lor' ! Alfie has said this with immense admiration. Mrs. Mellon with duster hastens into the parlour, giving touches to things and setting chairs straight, etc. Mellon lifts the can to Alfie across the counter. Mellon. Easy now, boy — mind you don't spill it. Alfie takes hold of the can, and goes off quickly through the tap-room door, and turns o_ff, l., down the road. Mellon comes into the parlour. Mellon, {below table r. c.) A bit o' luck for us that, mother. It's a mercy they dratted machines does bust up sometimes. Mrs. Mellon, {bustling about, l. of table) Put on your coat, Thomas, do, and make yourself look decent- like. Oh! {she pauses in dismay) We've got nothin' ior supper — there's only the pork ! Mellon, {putting on his coat, which hangs on a THE FASCINATING MR. VANDKRVELDT. 55 nail behind the tap-room door) Pork be good enough for any Christian, / think. Mrs. Mellon. What Ao you know about ladies an' gentlemen, an' their ways ? You go and see whether Mrs. Begbie can let us have a chicken, an' dig up some potatoes — and — oh ! (Alfie opens door l. c.) Clarice and Vanderveldt have come in, piloted by Alfie, both looking very doleful. Clarice is exces- sively tired, and lets herself fall into a chair, (r. of table) with a sigh of extreme relief. Vanderveldt throws his hat on dresser up l. Alfie remains tip at door l. c. Clarice. Oh, what a treat to sit down ! Mrs. Mellon, (bustling around her) Do have something, m'm — it's a stiff walk up that hill. Clarice. I'd like a little ginger-beer. (Mellon goes into the tap-room and takes down a bottle, which he uncorks) Mrs. Mellon, {to Vanderveldt) And you, sir ? Vanderveldt. I had a pull at the can ! I told the men to put the car in the shed — it will be all right there ? Mrs. Mellon. Oh yes, sir — sure ! (Alfie comes down L. of table c.) She hurries into the tap-room. Mellon is pouring the ginger-beer into a %lass, and hands it to her ; she says to him " Stupid ! Put a drop of something in it ! don't you see how tired she is ! " and, while saying this, she seizes a white bottle and pours a drop into the glass, which she then puts on a tray and takes to Clarice, who has been leaning back, quite exhausted, fanning herself with her hand- kerchief while Vanderveldt stands by the wall, the picture of mute despair. Mrs. Mellon. Here, m'm. Clarice. Thank you. {she takes the glass atid has 56 THE FASCINATING ME. VANDERVELDT. a long drink) Oh, that's good, that's exceedingly good ! (Clarice sighs, Alfie sighs. Mrs. Mellon motions Alfie to go. He goes into bar. She hands the glass back to Mrs. Mellon, and sits tip quite revived) I feel ever so much better ! But I do believe there was a^ {she looks enquiringly at Mrs. Mellon) Mrs. Mellon, {reassuringly) Just a drop o' gin, m'm — not enough to hurt you ! Clarice, (laughing) Oh ! And my sister a teeto- taler ! — Well — and where are we ? Mellon, {^ho has followed his wife into the room) Ma'am ? Vanderveldt. (stepping forward ) Yes — ^that's the point ! Where are we ? Mellon. This be Ingleby, sir. There bain't much to see here — but they do tell as there be the remains of summut 'istorical-like, on the top o' the down Clarice, (laughing) Oh, we've not come for that ! The men who brought up the car don't seem to have much geography. How far are we from Hendingby ? Mellon, (blankly, scratching /"'s head) Henby, m'm ? Vanderveldt. (impatiently) Yes, my good friend — or Hendingby, if you prefer it. Mellon. Never heard tell o' such a place, sir. (he turns to his wife) Have you, mother ? Mrs. Mellon, (shaking her head) No, never. And I've travelled a bit, too ! Clarice. Where have we got to ! Hendingby's not far from Willingford. Mellon. Willingford 1 Lor' 1 You be a good fifty mile from there. Clarice, (sinking back into her chair) What! Fifty miles ! (she looks helplessly at Vanderveldt) Vanderveldt. (reeling under the blow) Good Heavens 1 Impossible 1 Mrs. Mellon. Fifty miles it is, sir 1 I've been there more'n once. It takes three hours by train. You change at Calby, then at Slowcombe and THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 57 Clarice, (/is' Vandervjeldt) Surely this cannot be! There must be some mistake ! Vanderveldt. (shaifiefacedly) I've a terrible sus- picion that instead of turning back home, as I thought, after we'd gbt to Slowcombe, I must have gone in a circle somehow — Clarice. Gracious I Vanderveldt. And we went pretty fast— that wretched machine of mine Clarice. Fifty miles! Oh! And three hours by train ! We shall certainly not be home in time for dinner ! Well, let's make the best of it ! We'll send a wire, and then take the train. Vanderveldt. (miserably) That's all we can do ! {to Mellon. Mrs. Mellon moves down a little to r.)- Which is the nearest station — and have you a time- table ? Mellon. Bardale be the station, sir — that be five mile from here — — Mrs. Mellon. But there's no train from Bardale after six o'clock. (Mrs. Mellon looks into bar) Clarice and Vanderveldt. Oh ! Mellon. And it have just struck six, sir. {comes back to R.) Clarice. Catastrophe ! Well, which is the nearest station where we can get a train ? Mellon. Calby Junction, m'm — on the main line, that be — you'll be gettin' trains there, right up to midnight, you will. Clarice. Well, thank Heaven for that ! And how far are we from Calby ? Mellon. It be a matter of seventeen mile, m'm. Vandervelt. Seventeen miles! Awful! Well, can't be helped ! Put your best horse in a trap — quick now — and we'll start at once. (Mellon and his wife look blankly at each other) You have a trap, I suppose ? Mellon. Yes, sir — a 'andsome waggonnette — an' there be cushions o' rale velvet, there be 68 THE FASCINATING ME. VANDERVELDT. . Clarice, .{amused) Real velvets-fancy 1 Well, hurry • Mellon. But I ain't got no 'orse, m'm — at least, not at present, I ain't— Clarice, (^crushed) Oh 1 No horse ! Vanderveldt. (impaUently) But surely, in the village Mellon. You won't find no 'orse in Ingleby, sir, you won't, nor not within five mile. ■ Clarice. What ? {she turns to Mrs. Mellon, who has been sympathetically twisting and untwisting her apron) Mrs. Mellon. They was all sent for, this morning, m'm, -,tt) -Bardale — they've a big hauling job at the railway Mellon, Fifty ton o' granite, sir, to be. lugged across country — it 'ave took every 'orse there was Clarice. \to Vanderveldt) What are we to do ? Mellon, (down r.) I've got two 'orses, m'm, an' good uns they be — they'll be back termorrer Clarice. To-morrow ! Mrs. Mellon, {back of table c.) And we can make you very comfortable here, m'm, though this be such a poor-looking place. My man's pretty rough, but I was at service in Calby when I was a girl ■ Clarice. You're very kind — but we don't want to stop here — we must get home somehow ! Mellon, {to Vanderveldt) Sure the motor-car's bust, sir ? Vanderveldt. It's not " bust " — but it won't go ! Something must be wrong with the piston. There's no one here, I suppose, who repairs motors ? Mellon. I've told the blacksmith, sir, agen and agen, that 'e ought to learn about them things — but 'e don't 'old with 'em, sir — very religious 'e be, sir, an' 'e ses shoein' 'orses were wot 'e were intended to do Mrs. Mellon, {nudging him) That's enough, Thomas! {to Clarice) I'm afraid you can't leave THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT, 59 here to-night, , m'm — but we'll do what we can- {iakes glass and tray from table going towards bar) Clarice, (to Vanderveldt) What will mamma say ? Mr. Vanderveldt, use your ingenuity I Think 1 Vanderveldt. (iiiournfully) Lady Clarice, I'm quite at a loss ! Mrs. Mellon, {to Mellon, in a whisper) Lor' ! They ain't married 1 Mellon, {above Mrs. Mellon) Lady Clarice, 'e called 'er ! Wy, she's a ladyship 1 Per'aps them folk •don't ma_rry ? Mrs. Mellon, (severely) Thomas ! Mellon. 'T any rate we'll put it on in their bill ! (Mrs. Mellon takes tray into bar — comes back, stands r.) ■Clarice and Vanderveldt have been pondering lugu- briously Clarice, {with an inspiration) How silly of us 1 We'll telephone ! Vanderveldt. (beaming) Of course 1 ; Mellon. There bain't no telephone nearer than Eardale, marni (Vanderveldt stamps his foot) — an' after the last train be gone from there, sir — which be at six o'clock — the porter 'e locks up the station, sir, 'e do, an' 'e goes off, sir, till the mornin'. (enter man in bar, rings bell on counter) This be a poor place, you see, marm. (goes into bar, serves man with beer) Clarice, (with the resignation of despair) At least we can send a telegram ? Mrs. Mellon. Yes, my lady — but you must be quick — the telegraph office is at Bardale Clarice. I'm beginning to hate Bardale ! Mrs. Mellon. And it closes at seven, my lady — but Alfie shall run. (beckons Alfie, who comes in, stands iy Mrs. Mellon, r. c.) Clarice. Have you a telegraph-form ? Mrs. Mellon. Ah, m'm — I'm afraid Vanderveldt. (taking a letter from his pocket and go THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT, tearing off a half sheet) Here. Write on this, {hi gives her a pencil) Clarice, (scribbles the address, then pauses') What shall I say ? Vanderveldt. " Motor broken down at Ingleby, afraid shall be late." Clarice, (laughing, despite herself, as she writes) Late ! Oh dear ! (she hands the paper to Alfie, wha has come eagerly forward) Here. Give him some money, Mr. Vanderveldt. (Alyie, gets to back of table c. To Alfie) I'm sorry you'll have to run such a long way. Alfie. (with enthusiasm) Oh, that's nuthin', m'm I I like it 1 Vanderveldt. (in the act of giving money to Alfie) I hear a cyclist's bell ! Give me the telegram — I'll get him to send it ! (he snatches the telegram from Alfie and rushes out l. c.) Alfie. (disappointed) /could have took it, m'm. Clarice, (patting his cheek) Good boy ! (to Mrs. Mellon) I really don't know what to do ! It seems there's nothing for it but to stop here, /caii't walk seventeen miles ! (Enter Mellox. He stands r.) Mrs. Mellon. Lor' ! no, my lady I Clarice. But why are you so far from anywhere ?' Mellon. Well, don't you see, m'm Mrs. Mellon, (nudging him) My lady- Mellon. My lady, that side be the downs (he flourishes his ami) and this side the sea, so we're cut off, m'm, as you might say Clarice. Oh well — it's a funny adventure ! No- telephone, no train, no horses — and a motor that won't go 1 At least we're lucky to have found your inn ! Mrs. Mellon, (pushing Mellon aside) How about supper, your ladyship ? Clarice. Oh, we'll see — we'll let you know later.. ^Vanderveldt comes back) THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 61 Mrs. Mellon, (nudging her husband') Come, Thomas ! Now then, Alfie, manners ! (drawing curtain at bar window) You mustn't stare like that ! (to Clarice) There's a bell there, your ladyship, if you want anything. She goes through the tap-room door, followed by Mellon and Alfie, wfio gives one long last look at Clarice, then follows the others and shuts the door. Clarice, (rises, turning round, and facing Van- derveldt) Well I (taking off her cloak gives it to Vanderveldt, who hangs it on peg above fireplace L.) This is a pretty pickle ! What have you to say for yourself ? Vanderveldt. (gloomily) I am overwhelmed ! Clarice. Was there ever such a chapter of ac- cidents ! First, your chauffeur has a toothache, and can't come witli us ; then you lose your way, and go on instead of turning back ; then the car breaks down at a place that's seventeen miles from nowhere 1 Don't look so unhappy ! I'm not blaming you — (sits r. c.) it's fatality 1 Vanderveldt. Fatality. Yes. Clarice. With the climax of those fifty tons of granite ! Oh dear, there will be a hubbub at home 1 Vanderveldt. I'm afraid so. Clarice. However — it seems we can do nothing — but resign ourselves gracefully! Now please don't continue to look so miserable — or I shall go and inspect the something historical-like on the top of the down ! Vanderveldt. (opposite her, and then, with a sud- den change of voice and manner) What is your idea of destiny. Lady Clarice ? Clarice, (promptly) Having to sit in a musty room with an amateur motorist who asks conundrums ! Don't you agree ? (their eyes meet) Vanderveldt. (sententiously, nursing his knee) 62 THE FASCINATING -MR. VANDERV-ELDT. I regard destiny as a tree "iwith ripe fruit, which some- times falls into a lucky man's lap. • Qirings chair down to L. of table C. Turns chair bac^'-to -iiudience) But wise people don't wait for the fruif to fall^-ihey shake the tree ! Clarice. I've heard Clementina say things like that at her " Children's Happy Evenings." Vanderveldt. Without illustrations, Lady Clarice ! But in this case I — y^aw shaken the tree ! Clarice, {laughing) You've done what ? Vanderveldt. (demurely) /am the owner of those fifty tons of granite, Lady Clarice. Clarice, {staring) Mr. Vanderveldt ! Vanderveldt. Though that's not quite accurate — I should say the hirer. And between ourselves you've no idea what a fuss people make about lending you all that stone for a couple of days 1 Clarice. Do -yoii wislvme to understand that you sent it down here ? Vanderveldt. ' ((r/^ftf^?JQ It will be useless, mamma I She does nothing but laugh 1 GoDDLESTONE. {grinding his teeth and rolling his eyes) Laugh 1 • Clementina. She seems to regard it all as a joke 1 GODDLESTONE. Jokc 1 Judge. She says nothing about Mr. ? Clementina. Not a word I Lady Hendingby. I will go to her at once, {crossing to R. in front of table. She moves to the door, r., the Judge interposes, rises, crosses to r. behind table) Judge, {soothingly) Lady Hendingby, I really imagine it will be better if you allow me to interview your daughter Goddlestone. {rises, snarling and biting his nails) Youl Judge, {ignoring Goddlestone and addressing Lady Hendingby) , I can quite understand that Clarice resents having questions put to her that suggest the least — want of confidence. I fancy that I, as a man of the world {looks at Goddlestone triumphantly) and an old friend, can persuade her of the necessity of an — explanation — without wounding her susceptibil- ities ! May I ? Lady Hendingby. If you wish it. {she returns to her chair) Where is Clarice, Clementina ? Clementina. In the dining-room with Miss Coles, having breakfast. She seems very hungry. (Lady Hendingby goes up c.) Judge, {crosses to door r.) Very well. I will go to her. And I believe I do not presume too much when I assure you, dear Lady Hendingby, that I shall bring you a complete account — of all that has hap- pened ! He goes r., Goddlestone takes two or three excited turns up and down the room, then comes to Lady Hend- ingby and holds out his hand. 80 THE FASCINATING ME. VANDEEVELDT. GoDDLESTONE. Lady Hendingby, I will bid you good-bye. Lady Hendingby. (staring blankly at him) Good- bye ? (Clementina rises) GoDDLESTONE. Ycs. I shall take the next train back to town. I am much obliged to you for your hospitality. Lady Hendingby. {coldly) Good-bye, Mr. God- dlestone. GODDLESTONE. {going to Clementina) Good-bye, Lady Clementina. Clementina, {hesitating) Is not this — will you not at least Lady Hendingby. {sternly) Clementina ! Clementina. Good-bye, Mr. Goddlestone GoDDLESTONE touches her hand, bows, and goes, stiffly. Lady Hendingby. {sits r. c. Shaking her head) I cannot blame him ! Clementina, {sits r. Quite overcome) No ! It is really too disgraceful 1 Lady Hendingby. I have telegraphed for your father. I thought we had reached the limit when that wretched boy told me of his engagement to Miss Coles Clementina, {dropping her hands into her lap) Mamma ! This may be a judgment upon us 1 Lady Hendingby. {tartly) I must request you, Clementina, not to bring religion into every-day life ! — You say Clarice was laughing ? Absolutely laughing ? Clementina. As though nothing had happened ! And she congratulated me — before Miss Coles 1 — on Woolham's engagement ! Mamma, Clarice will have to marry Mr. Vandervelt. Lady Hendingby. Vanderveldt ! Clementina. There's no help for it ! Lady Hendingby. You suggest that 1 A man of his character ! THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 81 Clementina. Anythiiig is better than a scandal in the family ! Whatare we to say to our friends — to the people about ? I shall be ashamed to meet anyone. Oh, that such a thing should have happened to me I Lady Hendingby. At least we will wait — perhaps the Judge Clementina. Mamma, what would you say yourself if a woman you knew had gone out in the afternoon with a man who was not a relation — and returned the next morning ! Would you believe any explanation she chose to give ! No woman would ! You know that! Lady Hendingby. {with a deep sigh) I'm afraid that is so ! But the story may possibly not get about — we'll try (Miss Pelling comes from, l.) Miss Felling. Mrs. Cording-Jones has called Lady Hendingby. {with a groan) Already ! Miss Pelling. She apologizes for so early a visit, but she has heard about Lady Clarice, and wishes Lady Hendingby. {helplessly) Yes, yes. (Miss Pelling goes up c.) Go to her, Clementina — (Clementina rises) and keep her here — till we have something definite to say ! Clementina, {as she goes) You see, mamma ! What did I tell you ? {she goes, l.) Miss Pelling. {coming down c, standing) In ac- cordance with your instructions, Lady Hendingby, I have spoken to Miss Coles, and conveyed to her delicately that her engagement to Lord Woolham was highly distasteful to the family Lady Hendingby. {eagerly) Yes, yes — well ? Miss Pelling. She very politely expressed her deep regret, but said she was quite fond of Lord Woolham. Lady Hendingby. {with a gesture of despair) What I might have expected ! You need say no more, Miss Pelling. Miss Pelling. {coldly) It is my duty to inform 6 82 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. you that several people of no importance have called to enquire about Lady Clarice Lady Hendingby. {drily, with a gesture of dismissal) I am obliged to you, Miss Felling. Miss Felling. Is the reply to such enquiries to be confined to the bald statement that Lady Clarice has returned ? Lady Hendingby. I shall be glad if you will leave me, Miss Pelliiig. My head aches. Miss Felling goes, stiffly, l. Lady Hendingby gives a deep sigh, and waits. After a moment the Judge comes from r., walking very slowly, hanging his head, looking exceedingly dejected. Lady Hendingby. {eagerly, rising) Well ? Well ? Judge, {sitting heavily) Not a word ! {crosses to L. c.) Lady Hendingby. What ! Not even to you ! Judge. Not a solitary word ! Every question of mine was met with a quip, or a jest. I am completely bewildered ! Lady Hendingby goes to the wall and rings up r. JtTDGE. I told her we had located the car — she entered into a disquisition on the probable effect the motor-industry would have upon the supply of horses — and whether, if these disappeared, the donkey would become the Friend of Man! And so on. Every question I put — and I. assure you I was most sympa- thetic, and genial — every question was tossed in the air like a shuttlecock, and met with a flippant obser- vation that was in no sense an answer ! I am puzzled, Lady Hendingby ! (A Footman comes in, l.) Lady Hendingby. Ask Lady Clarice to come here at once, {sits R. c.) THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 83 Footman. Yes, my lady, {he crosses stage and exits R.) Lady Hendingby. I should have done better to go to her myself 1 Judge, {rising, wearily) I mentioned the name of the man Vanderveldt — only to be told how extra- ordinarily amusing he was 1 That was all. With instances of his humour, and excerpts from his philos- ophy I As to what had happened — not a word ! — Lady Hendingby, I confess to you I am perplexed — and slightly displeased. Clementina, (to Judge) Well ! Judge, {crosses to door l.) Lady Clementina — I {exits L.) He goes off, l., hanging his head, meeting Clementina, who runs eagerly to her mother. Clementina. Nothing, of course? No explana- tion ? Lady Hendingby. {with a mournful shake of the head') I have sent for her Clementina. Mrs. Cording-Jones would like to see you, mamma. She quite agrees with me that (Clarice comes in, r. There is a momenfs silence. Clementina goes hurriedly, l.) Clarice, {quietly, coming c.) You want to see me, mamma ? Lady Hendingby. {rises. Almost passionately') Clarice, I have no words in which to express my indignation 1 Clarice; Indigpiation, mamma 1 With whom I Lady Hendingby. With whom ? Who but you ! Clarice. With me ? I imagined I had the fullest claim on your sympathy ! Lady Hendingby. When you absolutely refuse to account for your extraordinary behaviour ! Clarice, {sitting) My dear mamma, what are 84 THE FASCINATING MB. VANDERVELDT. you saying! My behaviour extraordinary ! Really ! Why, what have I done ? " Lady Hendingby. In the teeth of my formally ex- pressed desire you go on this mad expedition with Mr. Vanderveldt — you return the following morning, and marvel at an explanation being required ! Clarice, {quietly) Yes, mamma, I marvel at its being required. Lady Hendingby. {fiercely) Have you taken leave of your senses, Clarice ? Clarice. I don't know — I seem to be learning a good deal ! Where's Mr. Goddlestone ? (looking off c.) Lady Hendingby. (tragically) Gone ! (crossing to L.) Clarice, (laughing) Gone ! Mr. Vanderveldt was right. I should never have believed it ! Lady Hendingby. Perhaps you will now be good enough to tell me Clarice. Not yet, mamma. Except this. I arrive this morning, hungry and tired — there is no one about — I have a bath, and a change. I expect to find you all rushing to me, and saying how anxious you've been, and how glad you are to see me again. Instead of that, Clementina comes with a sour face and demands an explanation. She is followed by the Judge — look- ing very yellow — who at once puts me into the witness- box. And now you — even you 1 It is amazing ! Lady Hendingby. (wildly) Your folly is amaz- ing ! It is amazing that you should not realize Clarice, (drawing herself up, proudly) Is it conceivable that I, Clarice Howland, am to be called upon to " explain " because I have stayed out after dark with a Mr. Vanderveldt ? That my friends, the people who know me, my mother and sister, should be uneasy till they receive an assurance as to my be- haviour? Mamma, you and Clementina are very indignant at our being denied the suffrage — I had rather women began to show some confidence in their own sex — ^then men would respect us, too ! THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 85 She stands facing her mother ; Lady Hendingby is about to make an itidignant reply, when the Colonel comes impetuously from l. He rushes eagerly towards Clarice, with outstretched hands. Colonel. Oh, Lady Clarice, I am so glad ! I've been fearfully anxious ! Lady Hendingby. {with almost tearful dignity') Colonel Rayner, you have a certain infiuence over my daughter that I apparently lack. She refuses to give me, or her sister, or the Judge, the least explanation as to what has happened. You may be more fortunate. I leave the matter in your hands. (Colonel opens door-L. Lady Hendingby ^(7^^- to door l.) You will be rendering the family the greatest possible service ! (she goes heavily, l.) Colonel, {staring in utter amazement') Explana- tion ! What does she mean ? Clarice, {sitting c, and speaking somewhat drily) Begin, Colonel ! Put your questions 1 Colonel. Questions ! What has come over you all ? I hear the car has been found in a ditch fifty miles from here. Clarice, {smiling) And in such a condition 1 Colonel. Well, surely it does not need a Sherlock Holmes to divine that you had a breakdown, at some place too far from a station for you to get back last night ! Lady Clarice, I am so relieved ! I had terrible visions of an accident I '' Clarice. My dear Colonel, you forget that I went out with Mr. Vanderveldt at four yesterday afternoon, and only returned at nine this morning. Colonel. Thank heaven you have returned 1 I've had a sleepless night. And the only book I could lay my hands onwas " Hansard's Debates ! " Clarice. Are you aware that Mrs. Cording-Jones is here — and she is a terrible scandal-monger ? Colonel, {^fiercely) Scandal ! Has anyone dared to use such a word — in connection with you ? S6 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. Clarice, {laughing) Don't look so fierce, Colonel ! You heard what mamma said, about the service you could render the family ? Colonel. Do you seriously wish me to believe that any person in this house is capable of such sublime imbecility as to Clarice. All of them, except Aggie and Woolham — and you. But I'm afraid you're a shockingly un- sophisticated person. You won't cross-examine me ? I'm ready ! Colonel. Don't tease me to-day ! Remember, I'm leaving this morning — my things are packed. But, before I go, I've something to say to you. {brings stool forward and sits. He pauses') Clarice. Well ? Colonel. About Mr. Vanderveldt. Clarice, (rather drily, with a momentary sus- picion) You want to hear where he is, and why he hasn't come back with me ? Colonel. No — not exactly. I'm afraid I'm not as interested in Mr. Vanderveldt's movements — as I should be, perhaps 1 I'm referring to a statement he made to me yesterday — concerning you. Clarice, {remembering) Ah I You've told no one ? Colonel. He pledged me to silence. Lady Clarice, I informed him — that I could not profess to be — delighted — with his news. Clarice, {blandly) No ? That's a pity. Colonel, (^picking his words with great effort) But — it occurred to me — during my long vigil last night — that I am — possibly — over-prejudiced, and — {with a sudden change of voice and manner, returning to his old bluff self) No, hang it, I won't be a hum- bug ! Lady Clarice, I'll confess to you, frankly, that I've no especial liking for Mr. Vanderveldt — but I hope — oh, with all my heart ! — that you'll be happy — and that I am — quite wrong r Clarice, {critically) Pretty — oh yes, quite pretty — but a trifle — marionettish, don't you think ? THE FASCINATING MR. VANDER VELDT. 87 Colonel, {sulkily') I'm not a spinner of phrases. At least what I said was sincere (rises, puts stool at back of settee) Clarice, {lightly) I daresay. But I liked you better yesterday. What was it you were saying yes- terday when you suddenly bounced off 1 Colonel, {rising and turning away) I was very near making a foolof myself. Clarice. {clapping her hands) That's it, of course — I remember ! You were telling me something about — folly — having no age. Colonel, {in some indignation) Lady Clarice Clarice. You put it more prettily, of course — in fact, you spun that phrase rather neatly — Colonel, {turning squarely towards her, and speaking hotly) This is not generous — not what I should have expected Clarice. No ? Colonel. The last thing in the world — that you should do — is to laugh at this love of mine Clarice. And why ? Colonel, {with deep feeling) Because — when a woman has inspired in a man such — a love as I have for you — the mere fact that she cannot — return it, or share it — should make her — ^very — gentle . . . Good- bye, {he holds out his hand — she doesn't take it) Clarice. You really think that ? Well, perhaps you're right, {rises) By the way — it's an odd thing — I don't know your Christian name ! Colonel. {shortly) Frank — Good-bye, Lady Clarice. Clarice, {waving away his hand) Don't go. " Frank," — oh yes, quite characteristic 1 People should be very careful what names they give their children. Now, if I had been christened Martha instead of Mr. Vanderveldt I Vanderveldt has popped his head through the garden- door ; he comes in. ^S THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. Vanderveldt. (with humorous melancholy) In the flesh I Clarice. Where have you sprung from ? {then to the (laum'EL, who is moving off i..) Don't go, Colonel I Vanderveldt. I was hoist on my own petard ! The horses hadn't come back this morning — I had to walk to Bardale , Clarice. Poetic justice 1 And — oh, Mr. Vander- veldt ! — your beautiful car I Vanderveldt. How has it fared ? Clarice. Two miles from Bardale it ran into a cow. Vanderveldt. No ! Clarice. I assure you ! But the cow didn't seem to mind. It is true we were only travelling at the rate of about a mile and a half an hour — Mr. Langston was very careful 1 But after that little collision the car didn't seem very happy in its inside, and about ten minutes later it went flopping into a ditch Vanderveldt. Heavens ! You weren't hurt ? Clarice. I fell on to the Church ! (they laugh) I pulled the poor man out — it was so funny ! — but I'm afraid he scratched his nose. The poor car, though 1 Vanderveldt. I applaud its gallantry in letting you escape unharmed. Clarice. Then we had to walk — oh, ever so far 1 — ^to a village — and Mr. Langston went home — and I got a donkey-cart — you forgot about donkeys, didn't you ? — and it drove me to Calby, but the last train had gone, and I had to sleep there, /only arrived an hour ago. -Vanderveldt. An hour ago? And how have they welcomed you ? Clarice. As you predicted 1 Every one has clam- ored for an explanation — except the Colonel. Vanderveldt. (with a quick look) Except the ■Colonel ? Clarice. Yes. (to the Colonel, who is edging away) Don't go. THE FASCINATING MR. VANDERVELDT. 89 Vanderveldt. (who has interrogated her with his eyes, and read the . answer^ Ah I That petard again 1 And up I fly. I feel myself flopping in the breeze I Clarice, {smiling) You really have wonderful intuition ! Vanderveldt. My Waterloo ! Mr. Vanderveldt abdicates ! Have you quite made up your mind ? Clarice. Oh quite ! I really think I always in- tended to. I've gone so far as to ask him his Chris- tian name. Colonel, {whom this conversation has quite be- wildered — he has been staring blankly from one to the ■other') Lady Clarice ! Clarice. {merrily) That's all right, Colonel. We're talking of you. {The Co'LO^'EL frets and fumes.) Vanderveldt. (philosophically) Destiny ! Clarice. Sometimes, you see, when we shake trees, the fruit falls into other people's laps ! Colonel, (gruffly) Lady Clarice, I am quite at a loss^ Clarice. Mr. Vanderveldt will explain. Vanderveldt. I ? Clarice. That is your penance. Vanderveldt. H'm — well — here goes ! Thus do I execute myself ! (Clarice jzVjr.) Colonel Rayner, I made a certain statement to you yesterday about Lady Clarice and myself. Colonel. Well ? Vanderveldt. That statement, Colonel, was what diplomatists would describe as an — intelligent anticipa- tion of fact. Colonel, (staggered ) What ? ? ? Vanderveldt. But I'm sorry to say it now appears to be accurate only — as far as I myself am concerned — and to lack the confirmation of — the other party ! Colonel, (staring at Lady Clarice) The other party ? You ? 90 THE FASCINATING MR. VANDEEVELDT. Vanderveldt. All the same, Lady Clarice's engage- ment will be made public to-day Colonel. Will be ? To whom ? Vanderveldt. Ask her yourself! And — I say it regretfully — this is one of the rare cases where the better man wins ! (Jie saunters to the windows') And you owe it all to me — and my motor ! I've been the god — out of the machine ! (lie goes, through the garden to R.) Colonel, {coming c. excitedly) Clarice ! Clarice, {rises, smiling softly at him) Yes ! Colonel. Am I dreaming ? You'll marry me ? You'll be my wife ? Clarice, {holding out her hands to him) If you care to take a woman who is so — flippant and frivo- lous . . . But a woman, after all, with a heart . . . And there, dear . . . Frank . . . where no one can see it ... is a good deal of love . . . for you. . . . {They embrace and kiss, as the curtain falls) Curtain. THE PLAYS OF R. C. CARTON, IS. 6d. each. LADY HUNTWORTH'S EXPERIMENT. LIBERTY HALL. SUNLIGHT AND SHADOW. THE PLA YS OF H. V. ESMOND. IB. 6d. each. BILLY'S LITTLE LOVE AFFAIR. ONE, SUMMER'S DA Y. WHEN WE WERE TWENTY-ONE. WILDERNESS. THE PLAYS OF MADELEINE LUCETTE RYLEY. IS. 6d. each. AN AMERICAN CITY. JEDB UR Y JUNIOR. MICE AND MEN. THE PLAYS OF OSCAR WILDE. IS. 6d. each. IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST, LADY WINDERMERE'S FA V. LONDON: SAMUEL FRENCH. LIMITED. THE PL A YS OF H ADDON C. CHAMBERS IB. 6d. «ach. THE AWAKENING. CAPTAIN SWIFT. THE IDLER. TYRANNY OF TEARS. THE PLA YS OF MARK AMBIENT. IS. 6d. each. OH, SUSANNAH! SNUG LITTLE KINGDOM. THE PLA YS OF ARTHUR LA W. IS. 6d. each. COUNTRY MOUSE. NEW BOY. THE PLA YS OF /EROME K. JEROME n. 6d. each. MISS HOBBS. WOODB ARROW FARM, BY ALFRED AUSTIN, Poet Laureate. A LESSON IN HARMONY, n. LONDON: SAMUEL FRENCH, LIMITED. 'M m^ IX