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Robert W. Woodruff Library
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Thomas H. English
LIBRARY ENDOWMENT FUND
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
THE
COMIC BLACKSTONE.
BY
GILBERT ABBOTT a BECKETT.
LONDON:
PUBLISHED AT THE PUNCH OFFICE, 194, STRAND.
MDCCCXLIV.
LONDON I
BRADBURY AND EVANS, PRINTERS, WHITEFRIARS.
TO THE
COMMISSIONERS OF THE COURTS OF REQUEST,
WHO HATH
SO OFTEN EXTRACTED MERRIMENT FROM A DRY SUBJECT
BY HENHEBING
LAW A BURLESQUE AND JUSTICE A FARCE,
THIS FIRST PART
OF
Comic Bladtftono
IS,
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, INSCRIBED BY THEIR OBEDIENT SERVANT,
GILBERT ABBOTT A BECKETT.
CONTENTS.
INTRODUCTION.
PAGE
section i.—on the study of the law 1
ii.— of the nature of laws in general . . 2
iii. —of the laws of england . . . . 8
iv.—of the countries subject to the laws of
england . . . . . . . 15
chap. i.—on the absolute rights of individuals . . 21
ii.—of the parliament . . . . . . 27
iii.—of the king (or queen) and his (or her) title 31
iv.—of the king's (or queen's) royal family . . 35
v. of the councils belonging to the king (or
queen) ....... 38
vi.— of the king's (or queen's) duties , . 40
vii.—of the king's (or queen's) prerogative . .41
viii.—of the king's (or queen's) revenue 1 . . 47
VU1 CONTENTS.
CHAP. IX.—OF SUBORDINATE MAGISTRATES .
X.—OF THE PEOPLE, WHETHER ALIENS, DENIZENS
NATIVES .....
XI.—OF THE CLERGY
XII.—OF THE CIVIL STATE ....
XIII.—OF THE MILITARY AND MARITIME STATES
XIV. OE MASTER AND SERVANT
XV.—OF HUSBAND AND WIFE ....
XVI.—OF PARENT AND CHILD
XVII. OF GUARDIAN AND WARD
XVIII. OF CORPORATIONS . ....
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
INTRODUCTION.
Section I.—On the Study of the Law.
Every gentleman ought to know a little of law, says Coke,
and perhaps, say we, the less the better. Servius Sulpicius,
a patrician, called on Mutius Scsevola, the Roman Pollock
(not one of the firm of Castor and Pollux), for a legal opinion,
when Mutius Scsevola thoroughly flabbergasted Servius Sul¬
picius with a flood of technicalities, which the latter could
not understand. Upon this Mutius Scsevola bullied his
client for his ignorance; when Sulpicius, in a fit of pique,
went home and studied the law with such effect, that he
wrote one-hundred-and-fourscore volumes of law books before
he died; which task was, for what we know, the death of
him. We should be sorry, on the strength of this little anec¬
dote, to recommend our nobility to go home and write law
books ; but we advise them to peruse the Comic Blackstone,
which would have done Servius Sulpicius a great deal of good
to have studied.
The clergy and the Druidical priests were in former times
great lawyers ; and the word clericns has been corrupted into
clerk, so that the seedy gentlemen who carry the wigs and
gowns down to court for the barristers are descended from
the Druids.
B
2
the comic blackstone.
A contest sprung up between the nobles and clergy, the
former supporting the common law, and the other the civil.
Somebody having picked up a copy of the pandects of Jus¬
tinian at a book-stall in Amalfi, introduced them into England,
but King Stephen would not allow them to be studied. Roger
Vacarius, however, set up an evening academy for adults,
where he advertised to teach the pandects on moderate terms;
but the laity would not come to his school at any price. One
thing that contributed to save the common law from falling
into disuse was the fixing of the Court of Common Pleas,
which had formerly been moveable, following the person of
the king, like Algar's booth or Richardson's show, with all
the paraphernalia of a Court of Justice. It is probable
that the Common Pleas had a van to carry the barristers'
bench, the judge's easy chair, and the rostrum for the wit¬
nesses, from place to place; but when it became fixed, it
made it worth the while of respectable people to study the
law, which was not the case when the legal profession was
nothing but a strolling company.
To those who take up the study of the law for the mere
fun of the thing, we say with Sir John Fortescue, " It will
not," &c. &c., down to " other improvements."
Section II.—Of the Nature of Laws in general.
The term Law, in its general sense, signifies a rule of
human action, whether animate or inanimate, rational or irra¬
tional ; and perhaps there is nothing more inhuman or irra¬
tional than an action at law. We talk of the law of motion,
as when one man springs towards another and knocks him
down; or the. law of gravitation, in obedience to which the
person struck falls to the earth.
If we descend from animal to vegetable life, we shall find
the latter acting in conformity with laws of its own. The
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
3
ordinary cabbage, from its first entering an appearance on the
bed to its being finally taken in execution and thrust into the
pot for boiling, is governed by the common law of nature.
Man, as we are all aware, is a creature endowed with
reason and free will; but when he goes to law as plaintiff,
his reason seems to have deserted him ; while, if he stands in
the position of defendant, it is generally against his free will;
and thus, that " noblest of animals," Man, is in a very ignoble
predicament.
Justinian has reduced the principles of law to three ;—1st,
that we should live honestly; 2ndly, that we should hurt
nobody; and 3rdly, that we should give every one his due.
These principles have, however, been for some time obsolete
in ordinary legal practice. It used to be considered that
justice and human felicity were intimately connected, but the
partnership seems to have been long ago dissolved; though
we cannot say at what particular period. That man should
pursue his own true and substantial happiness, is said to be
the foundation of ethics, or natural law; but if any one
plunges into artificial law with the view of " pursuing his
own true and substantial happiness," he will find himself
greatly mistaken.
It is said that no human laws are of any validity if they
are contrary to the law of nature; but we do not mean to
deny the validity of the Poor Law, and some others we could
mention. The law of nature contributes to the general hap¬
piness of men; but it is in the nature of law to contribute
only to the happiness of the attorney.
Natural law is much easier of comprehension than human
law; for every man has within his own breast a forum con-
scientice, or court of conscience, telling him what is right and
what is wrong. The judgments of that court of conscience
are infallible, and its decrees are never silent; for it is with¬
out an usher (which in this case means a husher) to preserve
silence.
The law of nations is a peculiar kind of law, and it is gene-
b 2
4
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
rally settled by recourse to powder and shot, so that the law
of nations is in the long run much the same thing as the
cannon law.
But we now come to the municipal or civil law, which is
the subject of the present chapter, though we have not yet
said a word regarding it. Municipal law is defined to be " a
rule of civil conduct prescribed by the supreme power in a
state, commanding what is right, and prohibiting what is
wrong." Such was the definition of Puffendorf, whose name
is probably a corruption of Puffing off\ for he puffs off the
law most outrageously whenever he can find an opportunity
of doing so.
It is called a " rule " to distinguish it from an agreement,
for a rule must be complied with " willy nilly," according to
Bacon, or " will ye nill ye," according to Coke.
It is a rule of " civil conduct," because the municipal law
insists on civil conduct, particularly from omnibus cads and
cabmen.
It is " prescribed," because one is bound to take it, and a
very disagreeable pill it sometimes is to swallow. It is one
of the beautiful provisions of the English law, that not know¬
ing it forms no excuse for not obeying it. It is an ingenious
fiction of British policy that every person in the kingdom
purchases every Act of Parliament, and carefully reads it
through ; therefore, there can be no possible excuse for being
ignorant of the laws that are made every session.
It is reported of Caligula that he caused the laws of Rome
to be written in small characters, and stuck up so high that
the citizens could not read them; though, perhaps, the higher
classes, who, it is presumed, could afford to purchase opera-
glasses, were enabled to make themselves acquainted with
the edicts.
Municipal law is a rule prescribed by the " supreme power
in the state," and this brings us to the question of the origin
of government. Some writers think that society, in its origi¬
nal state, chose the tallest man amongst them as king. If
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
5
this had been the case, Carus Wilson might have disputed
the English throne with Mr. Charles Freeman, the American
giant. Perhaps the expression in the national anthem, "Long
to reign over us," has given rise to this very extraordinaiy
theory.
There ate three forms of government—a democracy, where
the mass takes such liberties in the lump, that there is no
liberty left for allotment among private individuals ; an aris¬
tocracy, which we need not particularly describe; or a mon¬
archy, where one individual is absolute within a certain
space, like the square-keeper of a square, who is fortunately
the only specimen of pure despotism that this free country
possesses.
Cicero thought a mixture of these three the best; but
Tacitus, who had better have been on this occasion tacitus
indeed, and held his tongue, declared the idea to be a vision¬
ary whim j for he seems to have imagined that the oil of
aristocracy and the vinegar of democracy never could have
coalesced. Tacitus, however, was out; and, fortunately for
us, the British constitution presents the mixture in its com¬
plete form, and we trust will long continue what it is—" a
real blessing to mothers," fathers, daughters, sons, and \yives
of Great Britain.
The House of Commons embodies the principle of goodness
and purity, as a reference to the various election compromises
and bribery cases will manifest. The House of Lords em¬
braces the grand element of wisdom, as the reported speeches
of various sagacious noblemen will at once prove ; while the
Monarchy is the type of strength, the stability of the throne
being provided for by her Majesty's upholsterers. Here, then,
in the British Constitution is concentrated the milk of every¬
thing that is good, wise, and powerful. Woe to the revo¬
lutionary hand that shall attempt to skim it!
We now come to analyse a law. In the first place, it is
declaratory; in the second, it is directory; in the third, it is
remedial; and in the fourth, it is vindicatory. The declara-
6
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
tory says so and so is wrong, and the directory immediately
says it shall not be done ; hut it sometimes contrives to say
so in such very civil and mysterious terms as to leave people
in doubt whether they may do a thing or may not, until they
find all of a sudden they are put in possession of its true
meaning, and punished for not having been able to under¬
stand it.
It is remedial, for it gives a remedy. Thus, if you are de¬
prived of your right, you have the remedy of a law-suit, which
is a great luxury, no doubt, though rather an expensive one.
It is also vindicatory, for it attaches a penalty—and such
is the majesty of law, that, whether right or wrong, he is sure
to have to bear a portion of the penalty who presumes in any
way to'meddle with it.
Offences are either mala in se or mala prohibita; hut the
mala prohibita differ very materially from the mala in se, of
which many instances could be given. Piracy is decidedly a
malum in se(a), but a malum prohibitum is that which is only
made criminal by the law. For example, it was attempted
to make baking on Sunday a malum prohibitum, so that a
good dinner would in fact have been a bonum prohibitum if
the anti-baking-on-Sunday party had succeeded.
The rules for interpreting English Law are extremely arbi¬
trary. Words are to be taken in their popular sense without
regard to grammar, which is thought to have been always
beneath the wisdom of Parliament. Grotius thought that the
penalty on crime was a sort of tax on Sin, which might he
defined without regard to Sin-tax. Puflfendorf tells us, that
the law forbidding a layman to lay hands on a priest (observe
the pun, " a layman to lay hands ") applied also to those
who would hurt a priest with a weapon, or in other words,
"lay into him."
If words are still dubious after the lawyers are called in
(and they have a knack of making matters more dubious than
before), it is usual to refer to the context; but this is, in
many cases, only to get out of the frying-pan into the fire.
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
7
Next, as to the subject-matter. The words are always
supposed (though it requires a tolerable latitude in the way
of supposition) to have reference to the subject-matter. Thus
a law of Edward III. forbids all ecclesiastical persons to pur¬
chase provisions at Rome, which would seem to interdict
clergymen from buying anything to eat within the holy city.
It seems, however, that this only has reference to the pur¬
chase of " bulls " from the Pope; though it is not unlawful
to procure portions of " bulls," such as rump-steaks or sirloins
of beef, from the papal butchers.
Next, as to the effect and consequence of words, if literally
understood. " It has been held," says Puffendorf, " after a
long debate," that when the words amount to utter nonsense,
they are not to be in all cases strictly followed. Thus the
Bolognian law, enacting that punishment should be inflicted
on any one who drew blood in the streets, was at last held
(after several medical men had been put to death) not to
extend to surgeons who should bleed a man taken in the
streets with a fainting fit. But, lastly, the reason and spirit
of the law must be looked at (when there happens to be any).
The following case, put by Cicero, is so nice, that we throw
it into metre :—
A law there was, that in a water-trip
Those who should in a storm forsake a ship
All property should in the vessel lose.
It happen'd in a tempest all on hoard,
Excepting one, who was by sickness floor'd,
To leave the ship their utmost power did use.
The invalid, who could not get away,
Was with the wreck of course compell'd to stay,
And with it he was into harbour wash'd.
The.benefit of law he then did claim,
But when to sift the point the lawyers came,
His claim with great propriety was quash'd.
The difficulty of saying what is the meaning of law led to
the establishment of a perfectly distinct branch of jurispru¬
dence, called equity. According to Grotius, equity " non
8
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
exacte definit, sed arbitrio boni mri per mitt et" Among other
boni viri, to whose arbitrium equity has left matters, was
the late Lord Eldon, who was so exceedingly modest as to
his judgments that he postponed them as long as he could,
and even when he gave them, such was his delicacy that it
was often quite impossible to understand and abide by them.
It has, however, been said, that law without equity is better
than equity without law; and, therefore, though in law there
is very often no equity, nevertheless there is no equity that
has not sufficient law to make its name of equity a pleasant
fiction.
Section III.—Of the Laws of England.
The Civil Law may be divided into the lex non scripta,
the unwritten or common law, which was not originally in
black and white ; and the lex scripta, the written or statute
law, which was originally in black and white; " though,"
says Coke, " ye blacke in all our lawes did alwayse prepon¬
derate."
By the unwritten law, we do not mean that any laws have
been communicated by word of mouth from one generation to
the other, for this would be reducing the common law to mere
talk. The western world being totally ignorant of letters—by
which it is to be understood that the alphabet was at that time
wholly unknown at the west end—our ancestors trusted to
tradition, and thus the laws became more familiar to them
than ABC; and the earlier lawyers trusted to their recol¬
lection, which, no doubt, gave rise to the maxim, that liars—
of which lawyers is an evident corruption—should have long
memories. The Druids were certainly no disciples of Mr.
Carstairs, the celebrated writing master, of whom Lord Byron
is reported to have said, " I should have been a better writer
had I been guided by that man," and they probably despised
penmanship chiefly on account of their being wholly without
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
9
pens ; but Aulus Gellius has left this subject in the darkness
that so naturally belongs to it.
Fortescue thinks our common law is as old as the primitive
Britons; and we are ourselves inclined to refer to the times of
pure barbarism for the origin of our legal system.
Mr. Selden fancies we got a bit of it from the Romans, and
that we picked some from the Picts; so that, according to
Selden, the English Law is a delicious jumble, and of this its
confused state appears to give ample evidence. Bacon says,
our laws, being mixed like our language, are so much the
richer; but Bacon always cuts it uncommonly fat when he
gets on the subject of legal richness.
Antiquarians tell us that Alfred the Great compiled all the
laws into one volume, which he called a dome or doom-book;
and, considering what people are doomed to by the law, Alfred
could not have hit upon a happier title for his production.
This book was lost in the reign of Edward the Fourth, or
probably sold for waste-paper, which accounts for its having
been looked upon as most decidedly "the cheese" from that
day to the present.
In the beginning of the eleventh century, there were three
different sorts of laws, the Mercian, the West Saxon, and the
Danish ; out of which we are told, by Ranulphus Cestrensis,
(who was, we suppose, "a gentleman, one et cetera") that
Edward the Confessor formed a digest of laws, which shows
that the Confessor's digestion must have been first-rate; and,
perhaps, living as he did near the sea-shore, he was enabled
to profit by the anti-bilious properties of cockles : Piluli
antibiliosi Cockleiani. Some say that Edward the Confessor's
book was a mere crib from Alfred's, and Alfred has been
called the condilor or builder of our law, while Edward the
Confessor has been nick-named the restitutor or restorer.
Being a confessor, we wonder he did not confess this fraud,
if he had really been guilty of it; but perhaps, on the lucus
a non lucendo principle, Edward was called a confessor from
his never confessing anything. Whoever may be entitled
10
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
to the authorship, these laws constitute the jus commune,
or folk right, as Edward the Elder rather facetiously
phrases it.
The goodness of a custom entirely depends on nobody being
able to say how it came to be a custom at all; and the more
unaccountable it is in its origin, the better it is for legal pur¬
poses. If this fine old principle were to be applied to the
ordinary business of every-day life, he would be the best
customer of whom the tradesman should say—" I can't think
how I ever came to trust or deal with him."
The unwritten law has three kinds of customs. General
customs, which apply to the whole country, such as the
custom of going to bed at night, and getting up in the morn¬
ing. Particular customs, applying to particular places, such
as the custom of intimidating the boys at the Burlington
Arcade, by the presence of a man armed with a brazen-headed
tomahawk; and certain particular laws that have obtained
the force of custom in some particular courts,—such as the
custom at the Court of Kingsgate-street, of making an order
on the defendant, and asking him how he will pay, without
hearing much of the evidence.
The judges decide what is a custom and what is not. They,
in fact, make the law by saying what it means ; which, as it
scarcely ever means what it says, opens the door to much
variety. "Variety is charming," according to the proverb;
and the study of the law must, on this authority, be regarded
as one of the most fascinating of occupations. " Law is the
perfection of reason," say the lawyers; and so it is, when
you get it: but if a judge makes a decision that is manifestly
absurd or unjust, it is declared not to be law—for " what is
not reason," say the lawyers, " is not lawa maxim which,
if acted upon, would have the effect of condensing the law
most materially, or perhaps exterminating it altogether.
The law is preserved in reports, of which there are many
thousand volumes; so that any one in ignorance of the law
has only to purchase or borrow these—compare the different
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
11
decisions, and apply them all to his own case, when he will
either be right, or have the happiness of correcting the law
by a fresh decision telling him that he is wrong: which will,
of course, be ample compensation for any little inconvenience
he may have experienced.
The best of the old law treatises is Coke upon Little¬
ton, by which obscurity has been rendered doubly obscure.
Mr. Selden, whose acuteness missed the pun, might have said,
that a bushel of Coke superadded to a Little Ton, was enough
to put out the fire and extinguish the light; but Mr. Selden
has left it to us to make this observation. Coke upon Little¬
ton is, no doubt, something on the model of Butter upon
Bacon—the latter being a work that never was seen, though it
is often alluded to. The former is said to be a mine of learn¬
ing ; and, like all mining concerns, there is a good deal of
mystery with not a little roguery mixed up in it.
Among particular customs may be instanced the customs
of London, one of which is the custom of having a dish of
sprats on Lord Mayor's day; and another is the custom of
making jokes, which the chief clerk always indulges in.
The civil law, perhaps, ought now to be noticed. It con¬
sists of the Institutes in four books, and the Digests in Fifty,
added to which are the Constitutions in twelve books ; and
the Novels, or new constitutions, which like many novels of
the present day, are not readable. •
The Canon Law is made up of rare patchwork, in which
various popes had a hand, and their contributions were appro¬
priately enough called eoctravagants. In the reign of Henry
the Eighth, it was enacted that there should be a review of
the Canon Law, but like some of the reviews appointed to
take place in Hyde Park, it was postponed, and nothing has
been since done in it.
We need say no more of the Canon law, considering that
it is subjected entirely to the common law, and does not in
all cases bind the laity—but Spelman thinks that the term,
" son of a gun," is incidental to the canon law, for the law
12
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
was always sovereign, and the sovereign is said to be the
father of the people.
We now come to the lex scripta, or written law—the oldest
specimen of which is that glorious bit of old parchment known
as Magna Charta ; the sight of which sets many a British
heart upon the beat at the Museum, where, on Easter Monday,
the palladium of our liberties is an object of overwhelming
interest.
Magna Charta is now chiefly useful as a subject for orato¬
rical clap-traps. The scrawl is sadly indicative of the horrible
state to which the discontented barons were reduced for want
of "six lessons in the caligraphic art." John was made to
sign as a sine qua non—but the large spot of ink over the J.
will be a blot upon his name as long as Magna Charta is in
existence.
Statutes are of different kinds ; general or special, public
or private. A public act regards the whole community—
though there are exceptions—for, if Mr. So and So is adver¬
tised to appear as Othello at Covent Garden Theatre, it is a
public act, and yet no one seems to care for it.
A special or private act regards only the party concerned ;
as if there were to be an act to secure the profits of Waterloo
Bridge, this would be an act in which no one but those who
were paid for drawing it could feel any interest.
The mode of construing a statute gives fine scope for mys¬
tification ; and it has been said by the learned Barrington,
who began his education for the office of a Botany Bay judge
as an English pick-pocket, that any one may drive a coach
and horses through any Act of Parliament.
Penal statutes must be construed literally—thus if an act
inflicts a punishment for stealing a shilling and other money,
no one could be convicted under that statute for stealing a
pound, because other money only would be mentioned.
When the common law differs from the statute law, the
latter prevails—and a new statute supersedes an old one—
which is just turning topside-turvy the principle which
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
13
governs the common law, where the older the custom happens
to he the better. Widdicomb and Methusaleh are the two
best authorities on questions of common law ; but this is not
germane to the subject.
If a statute that repeals another is itself repealed, the first
statute is revived ; another provision which is in the nature
of law, though not in the law of nature. It is as if we should
say that, if one man kills another, and he is afterwards killed,
the first man revives—a position which none but a lawyer
would insist upon.
Any statute derogating from the power of subsequent par¬
liaments does not bind, for Parliament acknowledges no
superior upon earth—except, perhaps, Mr. Stockdale and his
attorney Howard, who certainly showed themselves superior
to parliament by getting the upper hand of it. Cicero, in his
letters to Atticus, had what is vulgarly termed a "shy" at
the absurdity of "restraining clauses"—and he seems to think
that if Parliament were fettered, it would be more like New¬
gate, for its acts would be little better than Nugatory. Cicero
did not make this joke, but he laid the foundation of it; and
as it is a maxim in law that qui facit per aliurn facit per se,
we may give him the credit of it-
Lastly, an act of Parliament that is impossible to be per¬
formed is of no value—in which respect the acts that cannot
be performed, resemble many of those which can be, and are
carried into execution. It is, however, a rule admitting of
many exceptions, for if Parliament were restrained from
doing unreasonable acts, its proceedings would be necessarily
greatly interfered with.
These are the materials of which the laws of England are
composed—and they constitute a hash of the most savoury
character.
Of equity we have already said something, and any one
who is engaged in a Chancery suit will appreciate its bless¬
ings. Equity detects latent frauds, but there are exceptions
to this rule, for equity would not assist the purchaser of a
14
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
dining-table made of green materials, at a cheap mart for
furniture. Nor would the Chancellor give his opinion as to
whether any latent fraud had been practised. Equity will
deliver a person from such dangers as are owing to misfor¬
tune or oversight; but if a man has the misfortune to fall into
a cellar by an oversight of his own, he may wait a long time
before equity will get him out of it.
Equity will give specific relief adapted to the circumstances
of the case ; but if a man has the tooth-ache, equity has no
specific in the way of relief, except, perhaps, extraction—for
Chancery will take the bread from the mouth, and may,
therefore, as well extract the tooth from the jaw, for the
latter without the former is superfluous. Such is the glorious
nature of our constitution, that equity cannot touch the life,
though it may sweep away all the property.
A judge may not construe the law in criminal cases, except
according to the letter—and sometimes it amounts to a dead
letter.
We cannot conclude this account of the statute law, with¬
out observing that all eminent jurists say it ought to be con¬
solidated ; but this seems much less easy to do than to talk
about. Several commissions have recently been appointed,
and various reports have been issued, the last of which is the
sixth of the Criminal Commissioners, who, however, are no
less criminal than the others, for they have all made a horribly
long job of it. We confess, that, figuratively speaking, the
law requires boiling down, but we prefer trying to get at its
essence by merely roasting it.
15
Section IV.—Of the Countries subject to the Laws
of England.
Several of our law writers say, with their usual acuteness,
" England is not Wales, neither is it Scotland nor Ireland
and, in fact, Spelman adds that "England is nothing but
itselfthough, in our own day, we have seen that England
has been anything but itself, so that the old learning on this
head is quite out of date at present.
Wales continued a long time independent of England ; and
Caesar, who seized on almost everything, did not so soon seize
upon that. The people lived, says Tacitus, in a pastoral
state : having probably no other food but Welsh rabbits, until
Edward the First introduced his heir to them as their prince ;
and the people having shown the white feather, it is supposed
that it was immediately taken from them and placed in the
prince's hat—"where," says Fortescue, "it has continued
ever since, as a bad^e of honour on one side, and servitude
on the other." The finishing stroke to Welsh independence
was given by the statute 27th Henry VIII., chapter 26,
which may be said to have played Old Harry with their
liberties. But while it gave Wales a frightful blow with one
hand, it offered civil liberty with the other ; and Mr. Selden
is of opinion that the expression a " topper for luck" origin¬
ated with the circumstance alluded to. The only remnant of
independence left to Wales has been taken away by the 1st
of William IV., which puts an end to its independent law
courts, which were, indeed, independent not of law alone but
of justice. In those courts, law, instead of being paid for, as
in England, through the attorneys, used to be purchased
directly of the judge, who, instead of giving consideration to
the facts, used to take a consideration from the parties, and
decide accordingly.
16
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
Scotland was an independent kingdom until the time of
Anne, when the Union was carried out, and Scotland was
declared to he a part of England; but as nobody knew
whether Berwick-upon-Tweed belonged to one country or the
other, it is subject to neither or both. " And this," says
Coke, " was making a regular Scotch mull of the business."
Ireland was, until lately, a distinct kingdom ; but since it
has ceased to be distinct it has been a good deal confused,
which is so far natural. Henry VIII. assumed the title of
king, and afterwards recognised the title by the 35th of
himself,* chapter 3, which is as though a pick-pocket
should steal a handkerchief and then pass a resolution in his
own mind recognising his right to the stolen article.
At the time of the Conquest, the Irish were governed by
the Brehon law; but John, going over with a lot of legal
sages, stuffed the Irish people with the said sage, which did
not at all agree with their constitution. At length Edward
the Third hit upon the old trick of abolishing the Brehon law,
by saying that it never was law at all; and hence the
expression " Well I never ! did you ever ?"—an exclamation
that Edward very probably used when pretending his utter
ignorance that such a thing as the Brehon law had ever
existed.
Laws passed in England do not bind Ireland, unless Ireland
is named; and when Ireland is named, it often seems to
think itself only bound—to grumble. The union between
Ireland and England was at length effected in 1800 ; and,
like man and wife, the two countries would go on very well
together, but for the interference of certain pretended friends,
who take pleasure in sowing dissension between them.
Hibernia is at the present moment being urged to sue for a
divorce, but the Agitator who has been working her up to
ask for it has lately received a tweak of the nose,t which we
* 35 Henry VTII.
t The tweak alluded to in the text was the verdict of the jury on the
man's trial.
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
17
are sorry Coke and other sages are not in existence to dilate
upon.
Among the islands subjected to England is the Isle of
Thanet, whose inhabitants devote themselves to the simple
arts of peace, manufacturing Margate slippers, and polishing
the shells of cockles, which they offer for sale to the strangers
who visit their shores. The lesser islands of Dogs, and the
Eel-pies, are also subjected to the laws of England; but at
the latter there is a sort of Lord Lieutenant, who keeps a
tavern, and exercises a species of absolute monarchy, exacting
tribute from the visitor, but extending hospitality in return
for it. The thread of English law is carried through the
well-known Needles to the Isle of Wight, and the ancient
Isle of Isleworth, though locally subjected to three policemen,
is bound by all the acts of the British Parliament.
The Isle of Man is a distinct territory, not subject to our
laws ; and, indeed, if it were under the Queen, says Plowden,
in his Coruscationes Comicce, it would not be the Isle of Man,
but the Isle of Woman. This Isle of Man continued for
eight generations in the family of the Earls of Derby, until,
in 1594, several daughters having been left by the deceased
earl, the young ladies got up such a quarrel about the isle
with the tempting name of Man, that the Queen settled the
matter by seizing the island for her own use, and put a man
in possession. At length the island became the property of the
Athol family, but the title of king had long been disused, as
well it might, for his Manly Majesty was a most absurd
epithet to apply to any one. The contemptible little sove¬
reignty was eventually purchased by George the First; and
the expression "I'm the Man for your money," probably
originated from the circumstance alluded to.
There are several other islands, including Jersey, Guernsey,
Alderney, (famous for its cows,) and Sark, remarkable for the
ugliness of its name, which are not bound by British acts of
Parliament, simply because nobody thinks it worth while to
give them any laws at all, until the last resort; when, after
c
18
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
letting them go on in their own. way till they have got them¬
selves into a fix, there is an appeal to the Sovereign in
Council. We do not know who is the present King of Sark,
nor have we any notion of the name of the Royal Family of
Alderney.
Our colonial possessions are in some cases subject to the
English laws, but many have local legislatures, and it has
been determined to give a representative assembly to New
South Wales. This will, to a certain degree, enfranchise the
English prisons, and the suffrage will be enjoyed by those
who have formerly resided there. We have not heard how
the right of voting is to be distributed, but it is probable that
Newgate and the various houses of correction will send the
greater number of members to the Sydney parliament.
Let us now consider England, including part of the sea,
which is not subject to the common law, but to the Courts of
Admiralty; for it is supposed that the judges of the Common
Law Courts, not being nautical men, would be unable to hold
the scales of justice steadily on the high seas, particularly in
the case of a storm or a hurricane. The Admiralty has
jurisdiction on the water, and the common law on dry ground;
and very dry ground the common law is considered by those
students who have to go over it. The sea begins at low-
water mark, but the space between that and high-water mark
is subject alternately to the jurisdiction of the common law
or the Admiralty, according to whether the tide happens to
be high or low. For example, the coast of Battersea is
subject alternately to Dr. Lushington, of the Admiralty, and
to Lord Denman, with the other common law judges. When
it is covered with water, the former is entitled to jurisdiction,
but when it is all mud and slush Lord Denman and his
learned colleagues may revel uncontrolled in it. It is, how¬
ever, worthy of observation, that this jurisdiction is not often
claimed; for when a client is at low-water mark, the lawyers
are seldom anxious to have anything to do with him.
England has two divisions, the one ecclesiastical, the other
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
19
civil. The former is subdivided into provinces, sees, arch¬
deaconries, rural deaneries, and parishes. There are two
provinces, those of York and Canterbury, their province being
to take care of themselves, and to bestow certain bishoprics,
which are called seas or sees—probably from the amount that
is annually swallowed in them. An archdeacon was originally
called arch from a certain degree of clerical cunning ; and a
rural dean is a sort of clergyman, we presume, with a strong
taste for gardening.
A parish, of which there are about ten thousand in England,
was, according to Camden—who, by the bye, did not build
Camden Town—first formed by Honorius ; but who Honorius
was, Camden has not done us the favour to let us know. Sir
Henry Hobart, who is as wide of the mark as Hobart Town
is of Regent-street, thinks parishes were erected by the Council
of Lateran, upon which Mr. Selden comes in and splits the
difference, saying that, as both were wrong, perhaps it will
be right to go as far as possible from either, by taking the
middle of the term as the proper one. Some few places,
such as marshes, were extra-parochial, until the clergy got
them formed into parishes, and often took tithes from marshes,
under the pretext of thoroughly draining them.
The civil division of England into counties, hundreds, and
towns, began under Alfred, who made the discreetest man in
the place the headborough ; an office answering to that of
mayor, except that, instead of choosing the discreetest man, the
other extreme has in modern times been usually resorted
to.
A tithing is the same as a town or ville, and when incor¬
porated it always had a bishop ; but there are no records of
there ever having been a Bishop of Pentonville : and if such
a see existed, the look-out must have been somewhat of the
dreariest.
A borough is a town that sends burgesses to Parliament ;
but many fell into decay, and were called rotten boroughs in
consequence. Besides these, there are small places called
c 2
20
THE COMIC BCACKSTONE.
hamlets, such as the Hamlet of Hammersmith, where
Shakspeare is supposed to have conceived the character of
the Prince of Denmark.
Hundreds consisted of ten tithings, a tithing being com¬
posed of ten families ; but " after the Revolution," says
Bracton, " everything went to sixes and sevens, so that the
tens and hundreds were lost sight of." Hundreds were, in
some places, called wapentakes, probably from the inhabitants
being accustomed to give and take a whapping.
The ancient distribution of hundreds being no longer
applied to the land itself, has since been transferred to its
produce ; and hence we hear of a hundred of coals—a hun¬
dred of asparagus, and a hundred of walnuts.
Counties or shires are of ancient origin, and were governed
by an Earl or Alderman ; for, in very early times, all Alder¬
men were Earls, which does not say much for the Early
aristocracy.
A county is also called a shire, and hence we have the
word sheriff; whose proper duty it is to see to the execution
of the law within the county, and also the execution of the
criminals. If the old Saxon customs were now in force, Mr.
Sheriff Moon would have to hang at the Old Bailey, not in
proprid persond, but it would be his duty to hang capital
offenders if there chanced to be any.
There are three counties palatine—namely, Chester, Dur¬
ham, and Lancaster, which formerly had royal privileges.
These have lost their fixity of tenure, for they have all been
taken away ; though at Lancaster the militia—consisting of
an adjutant and four sergeants—is still allowed to exercise a
sort of limited despotism.
We had almost forgotten to mention that the Isle of Ely,
though not a county palatine, is a royal franchise, where the
bishop has it all his own way; thus realising the beautiful
little allegory of the Bull in the China-shop.
So much for the countries subject to the laws of England.
CHAPTER I.
on the absolute rights of individuals.
Municipal law is a rule of civil conduct, and it is evident,
therefore, that the omnibus cads pay very little regard to it.
Its primary objects are rights and wrongs; but it seems to
have a greater regard for wrongs than for rights—often giving
right to the wrong, and sometimes wronging the right in the
most palpable manner.
Blackstone divides rights into the rights of persons and the
rights of things; but the division is not approved, for it has
been held that there are no rights of things—but surely boots
are things, and there is always a right boot, though the jurists
insist that it is only the owner who has a personal right in it.
Rights are such as are due from a man and such as belong
to him; but some things that belong to one man are due to
another, in which case it is hard to get at the right of it.
Persons are either natural or artificial; but the law does not
regard a man as necessarily artificial because, like an actor,
he pads his calves ; but a corporation is an artificial person—
and here it would seem that stufling has really something to
do with the distinction.
Absolute rights are such as belong to man in a state of
nature, though absolute rights are often exercised by Eastern
despots when in a state of ill-nature.
Human laws are principally intended to protect absolute
rights ; but the laws often meddle with what seems absolutely
right till there is nothing absolutely left of the original right,
and absolute wrong is the consequence.
Natural liberty is the right inherent in all men at their
birth ; but this natural liberty is soon at an end, for restraint
begins in the cradle. Each member of society gives up a
22
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
portion of his own individual liberty, in consideration of
receiving the advantages of mutual commerce, says Coke, in
his Institutes; but he does not go on to tell us the com¬
mercial advantages enjoyed by a newly-born baby.
This sort of modified power of action is called civil liberty,
and anything interfering with that is considered to be taking
a liberty of a most uncivil kind with the freedom of the
subject. Thus, the statute of Edward the Fourth, prohibiting
any but lords from wearing pikes on their shoes of more than
two inches long, was considered to savour of oppression ; but
those who were in the habit of receiving from a lord more
kicks than halfpence, would consider that the law in question
savoured of benevolence.
Mr. Locke has well observed, that where there is no law
there is no freedom; but Mr. Levy, the sheriff's officer—who
understands the force of lock—has observed, tolerably well,
that where there is a great deal of law there is often an
infringement on liberty.
" Political liberty flourishes in its highest vigour," says
Salkeld, " in these realms ;" but Salkeld flourishes more
about political liberty than political liberty flourishes about
us ; though, we confess, England has her share of it.
Eveiy slave who sets his foot on British ground is said to
be free, which gave rise to a bubble company for taking out
earth to the Havannah in flower-pots from an English nursery-
garden, for the slaves to stand upon and assert their freedom.
Unfortunately, the speculators, and not the slaves, contrived
to put their foot in it. Slavery is, however, now abolished
by Act of Parliament; but it extends to blacks, and not to
the white population, thus giving an opportunity to Coke—
had he been alive to make the pun—that the boon has been
bestowed with a niggar-dly hand by the legislature.
The history of the rise of our constitution is curious. It
began with the great Charter, which the Barons wrested from
John ; but for the particulars of the wrestling match we refer
to the sporting papers of the period. Henry the Third
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
23
corroborated this statute, and other monarchs touched it up ;
which, considering the fuss that has been made about it,
savours of the process of painting the lily, a proceeding that
Shakspeare is justly indignant at.
Charles the First edited a supplement, called the Petition
of Right, and Charles the Second passed the Habeas Corpus
Act, by which, among other blessings, a debtor could change
his quarters to the Queen's Prison from Whitecross-street.
Then came the Bill of Rights, drawn by the people, and
accepted by William and Mary; which was followed by
the Act of Settlement, relating to the Crown, which, it
would appear from this, the sovereigns had previously
had on tick, and it was therefore not settled for. The
Reform Act, which followed, may be called the act of unset-
tlement, on account of the changes that have ever since been
called for.
The rights of the person may be again divided into three ;
the right of security, by which a man has a right to be locked
up in the station-house, if found drunk and incapable of
taking care of himself; the right of personal liberty, by
which a person may go wherever he pleases, if he has only
the money necessary to pay the fare ; and the right of private
property, enabling every .man to keep what he has got, when
the Government has helped itself, through the medium of
taxation, to all that it requires.
The right of personal security consists in the legal enjoy¬
ment of life, limbs, health, and reputation—from which it
would seem that a man may draw his breath and stretch his
legs without impediment. A man's limbs are understood to
be those members which are useful to him in fight; and
these, says Glanvil, include " ye armes with whyche he may
fyghte, and ye legges with whyche he may runne awaye,
whychsoever may beste suitte his whymme at ye moment."
In the eye of the law, the life and limbs of a man are of
such value, that he may sacrifice the life and limbs of any
one else in defending them. This, says Coke, is upon the
24
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
good old English principle of tit for tat; but what is the
origin of the word " tit," or what is the exact meaning of
" tat," the old jurists have never told us. There is no man
so poor and indigent but that he may demand a supply
sufficient for the necessaries of life,—though he may demand
long enough before he will get them. It is true, there are
the Union Workhouses, where, if bread is asked for, stones
will be given; and when a man has broken these, he may
break his fast afterwards.
Next to personal security comes personal liberty, which
consists in the power of moving from place to place,—a
luxury often indulged in by debtors, occupants of furnished
lodgings, and others, who prize liberty to such an extent, that
the liberties they take are truly wonderful. Magna Charta
says, that no freeman shall be imprisoned, except by his
peers; and, if this be true, every policeman who walks a man
off to the station-house, must be considered as a peer for
temporary purposes.
The 16th of Charles the First gives to any one in prison
the power of having his body brought before the Sovereign
in council, that it may be determined if he is rightly in
custody; but this glorious old privilege would give the
Sovereign in council enough to do, if every gentleman who
happened to have been " found drunk in the streets " should
take advantage of it.
One of the great beauties of the Habeas Corpus Act is,
that it prevents a Government from tyrannising, and yet as
this would fetter the hands of Government, it may be sus¬
pended at the Government's will; and thus, says Fleta,
" the subject is free, and yet not too free ; while Government
is strong, yet not too strong," from which it appears this
magnificent Palladium of our liberties is neither one thing
nor the other.
It now becomes a question, " What is imprisonment?"
Unlawfully detaining a man in any way, is imprisonment;
and semble that if you take your neighbour by the button,
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
25
and cause him to listen to a long story, you are guilty of
imprisonment. An Omnibus driver, who loiters on the road,
and thus detains his passengers, is also guilty of imprisonment.
Every Englishman has a right to live in England; or at
least, if he cannot live, he may have the glorious privilege of
starving there. The Sovereign may not send a subject even
to Scotland, Guernsey, or Sark, though George the Fourth
sent Brummell to Coventry; and our present Queen has been
heard to tell Sir Robert Peel to go to Bath, when he has pro¬
posed measures contrary to the welfare and happiness of the
people. The third right is the right of property, which the
law peculiarly regards, and will not allow a man to be deprived
of his property except by the law itself, " which often," says
Fleta, " hath a happie knacke of stryppinge him."
It is a beautiful fiction of the English law that no man pays
taxes without his own consent; and, from this assertion, it
would naturally be supposed that the tax-gatherers were the
very idols of the people, who flocked round them, tendering
specie and asking receipts for it. By legal imagery, the
people are declared to tax themselves; but Bracton, in a
learned note, added " Hookey" to this assertion; while
Mr. Selden, by way of strengthening the comment, has
subjoined " Walker," with his customary quaintness.
Besides the three great rights already touched on, there are
a few auxiliary rights; the first of which is the right of
demanding justice—when you can afford to pay for it; and
getting justice—when you are fortunate enough to obtain it.
The words of Magna Charta are these :—" Nulli vende-
tnus, nulli negabimus aut differemus, rectum vel justitiam;"
meaning literally—" We will sell, deny, or delay, justice to
no man." Who the " we" may be that make this promise
it is hard to say, for nobody thinks of keeping it. As to
justice never being sold, let any man look at the bill of costs
he gets from his attorney. As to its being denied, let him
seek justice in a Court of Requests; and as to its being
delayed, let him commence a suit in Chancery. Coke, who
26
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
is the funniest fellow for a law writer that was ever known,
says that any man " may have justice and right freely with¬
out sale, fully without any denial, and speedily without
delay,"—a burst of humour such as old Coke very often
favours us with.
The law cannot be altered, except by Parliament and the
Court of Requests ; the latter having, in fact, greater power
than the former; for, while the one only alters the law, the
other utterly demolishes it. The sovereign may, it is true,
erect new Courts, but they must proceed in the old way; or
he may turn a garret into a Court, as in the case of Vice-
chancellor Wigram, who was thrust—with the sword of
Justice—into a three-pair back, where, to continue the figure,
he had scarcely room to brandish the avenging weapon, with
comfort to himself and satisfaction to the suitors.
The right of petitioning is another glorious privilege of
Englishmen ; but they do not often get much by it. Puffen-
dorf, or somebody else, has said, " They who don't ask, don't
want; but those who do ask, shan't have;" and semble that
this is the sort of view which Parliament takes of any wishes,
expressed or not expressed, which do not happen to coincide
with the wishes of the legislature.
The last right at present deserving of mention is the right
of having arms for one's defence; and by the first of William
and Mary, though it is the very last one would think of
attending to, any man may walk about town with a gun, for
the purpose of self-preservation.
Such are the rights and liberties of Englishmen, which are
less understood than talked about, and less practically
experienced than either.
CHAPTER II.
of the parliament.
Devoting ourselves once more to our task, we shall now
treat of the relation men hear to one another in the way of
government. The governors and the governed are relations
in some sort: for the King, or Governor, is the father of his
people, and one's father is therefore often called " the
Governor." Of magistrates, some are supreme, and some
subordinate; but the subordinate magistrates sometimes
render themselves supremely ridiculous.
In tyrannical governments the supreme magistrate both
makes and enforces the laws, acting in the double capacity of
protector and punisher of the people, which is something like
an actor combining the fathers, or benevolent old men, with
the heavy business. When the magistrate makes laws, and
enforces them also, he does as he pleases, but is not likely to
please in what he does; and, therefore, in England the
supreme power is divided into two branches—the one exe¬
cutive, consisting of the Sovereign alone; and the other legis¬
lative, to wit (as the lawyers say, though the wit is rather
obscure)—to wit, the Parliament! Parliament is a word de¬
rived from parler to talk, and mentir to lie, and in this respect
Parliament proves itself fully worthy of its origin. The an¬
tiquity of Parliaments is so great that no one can trace their
beginning; and it is sometimes as difficult to say what is the
end they are driving at. In England the Parliament used to
be called Wittena Gemote, a meeting of wise or witty men;
and probably the " three wise men of Gotham," who " went
to sea in a bowl," were members of the Wittena Gemote ; at
least, if we may judge by the qualities of the collective
28
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
wisdom which has succeeded the Michel-Synoth, or great
council of the nation.
Glanvil, who wrote in the time of Henry the Second, in
reporting a case in the Sheriff's court, from which it would
appear that Red Lion Square was built very soon after the
Invasion, alludes vaguely to a sort of meeting, which, it is
said, was very likely to have been the Parliament; and as
the body in question appears to have done no good, but ren¬
dered something quite obscure, the suggestion that it was the
Parliament seems to be extremely feasible.
Antiquaries, who are " nothing if not at loggerheads " with
one another, have disputed—first, as to who summoned the
Parliaments; secondly, whether anybody summoned them at
all; thirdly, if summoned, whether they came; fourthly,
whether they came without summoning; fifthly, whether
they came exactly when they were summoned; and, sixthly,
if the same who were summoned, or sum-un else, actually
came; none of which controversies do we think it expedient
(just now) to go into. It is sufficient for our present purpose,
that John, in the celebrated "bit of stiff," known as Magna
Charta—that glorious bill drawn by the Barons and accepted
by himself, promised to summon the nobles personally, and
the Commons by the sheriff and bailiffs; from which it would
seem that the Commons were hunted up by the ancestors of
the Slowmans, the Levys, the Thompsons, the Selbys, and
the Davises.
Parliament can only be convened by the authority of the
Sovereign, except on the death of either a king or a queen;
when if there be no Parliament in being, the last Parliament
revives, which has caused Fleta to make the very indifferent
joke, that " Whereas ye cattes have nine lives, ye rattes—
meaninge ye Commones—have only two, and thatte seldome."
If kings won't summon Parliament for three years, it seems
that formerly peers might issue out writs; but if kings wouldn't
summon peers, and peers wouldn't issue writs, the only way for
the country to get over the stile, was for constituents to meet
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
29
and elect members—a privilege that was taken away by the
16th of Charles II.; so that in these days if sovereigns won't
summon Parliament, there is really no help for it.
"Wherever it is laid down in the law books that a thing
can't be done, it may be assumed with tolerable certainty
that the thing has been done; and hence we find that though
Parliament may not summon itself, it has summoned itself on
several occasions, particularly in 1688, when the glorious
revolution, by a piece of glorious irregularity, was fully ac¬
complished. At the present time the happy idea of voting
the royal income from year to year, renders it pretty certain
that the Sovereign will summon the Parliament annually; a
practice which is " safe " to be adopted by every Sovereign.
Parliament consists of the Lords and the King in one house,
with the Commons by themselves in another, and the three
together form a Corporation; the Sovereign forming the head,
the Lords the trunk, and the Commons the members. The
King has the power of putting a negative on the measures of
the Lords and Commons; he can practise that prevention,
which is familiarly said to be " better than cureand indeed
the Nobility can check the people, while the Sovereign can
check both; an idea, no doubt, taken from the situation in
the Critic, where the beef-eaters, the lovers, and the daugh¬
ters are all unable to move, because of the hold they have
over one another.
The Sovereign will be the subject of future chapters; but
we shall now take the liberty to anatomise the Lords, and
will commence with a delicate dash at the Lords Spiritual.
The Lords Spiritual consist of two Archbishops and twenty-
four Bishops, but the latter are, in one sense, almost as arch
as the former. When Henry VIII. dissolved monasteries,
there were also twenty-seven mitred abbots and two priors,
the latter of whom enjoyed only a nominal priority ; and the
mitred abbots were probably so called, from meeting at the
Mitre in Fleet-street—a tavern celebrated as the resort of
Johnson, a copy of whose life in four volumes (two on each
side) still adorns the chimney-piece.
30
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
The Lords Temporal consist of all the peers of the realm,
some of whom sit by descent; and, indeed, the descent is in
some cases terrific, from a very great man to a very little one.
Some peers are as old as the creation ; but, as such creations
are frequently happening, there is no very great antiquity to
boast of. The number of the peers is indefinite, and they
may be made (as soap and candles are advertised to be sold)
in large or small quantities.
The distinction of rank is said to be very desirable; because
it preserves that scale of dignity, which proceeds from the
peasant to the prince—rising like a pyramid from a bread
foundation, and diminishing almost to a point—the Prince of
Wales being the point in this case; or, as the lawyers would
say, the case in point; and, it must be admitted, a very little
one.
The Commons consist of all men of property who have not
a seat in the Lords—and they all have a voice in the Com¬
mons, the members acting as voice conductors; but it is in
most cases " Vox et prceterea nihil I"
These are the constituent parts of a Parliament; which,
according to Coke, is so powerful that it can do anything or
everything; and yet, with all this omnipotence, it frequently
prefers doing nothing. Parliament has various privileges, one
of which is the privilege of speech—and of this the members
take advantage, by talking very much and very foolishly.
The privileges of the peers are numerous:—first, stands
the right of killing the king's deer on the way to Parliament,
but as there are no deer—in fact no game at all, but a few
ducks on the ornamental water in St. James's Park, this
sporting privilege is seldom taken advantage of. The peers
may also be attended by the judges, but they are themselves
far too good judges to subject themselves to such learned
bores. A peer may vote by proxy, and enter a protest, the
latter being a luxury, which a coughed-down peer is glad to
take advantage of. All bills affecting the peers are to begin
in the upper House, but what will be their end, or what end
they have in view, is often a mystery.
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
31
The chief privilege of the Commons is to tax the people,
which is declared to be nothing more than the people taxing
themselves—a piece of logical hocus pocus which Sir Matthew
Hale vainly endeavours to invest with that plainness which
is said to be peculiar to the pike-staff. One of the great
advantages connected with Parliament is, that it may be
adjourned; but a greater advantage still is, that it maybe
dissolved, and sent about its business altogether. When
Parliament is dissolved by the Sovereign in person, semble
that gravel is laid down all the way from the Palace to the
House; but this is not laid down by Coke, or indeed by any
body but Messrs. Darke the dustmen. A Parliament may
be extinguished by the royal will like a candle, or it may go
out, by length of time, like a rush-light. A prorogation is a
process something in the nature of snuffing, causing it to
brighten up for an ensuing session.
CHAPTER III.
of the king (or queen) and his (or her) title.
The supreme or executive power is vested by our laws in a
single person—though that single person very often happens
to be a married one. Whether this person be masculine or
feminine is of no consequence, and indeed Hale thought the
sovereign ought always to be neuter.
In discussing the royal rights, we shall look at the sove¬
reign under six distinct views, which is levelling royalty with
the Cosmorama in Regent-street, where " six views" are
constantly being exhibited. Our first view will be a glance
at the title of the sovereign ; 2ndly, we shall take a squint at
his (or her) royal family ; 3rdly, we shall apply our quizzing-
glass to his (or her) councils; 4thly, we shall put on our
spectacles to look into his (or her) duties ; 5thly, we shall
indulge in a peep at his (or her) prerogative ; and, 6thly, we
32
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
shall take out our gold-mounted opera-glass to look into his
(or her) revenue.
First of the Title. It is of the highest importance to
avoid those unseemly scrambles for the crown, which, while
forming capital subjects for dramatic representation—vide
Richard the Third—would be a great interruption to the
business of every-day life, if they were at the present time
liable to happen. The grand fundamental maxim, on the
right of succession to the throne, must be taken to be this,
that the crown is hereditary in all cases, except those in
which it isn't.
In the infancy of a state, the chief magistrate is generally
elective, and when Old England gets into her second child¬
hood, but not till then, we may look for an elective monarchy
in this country. At present we cannot form any conception
of such a state of things. We cannot fancy Victoria canvass¬
ing the people, and having a central committee constantly
sitting at the Crown and Anchor to promote her election.
This may do very well in America, though it did not answer
in ancient Rome, nor in Modern Poland, in which last place,
by the bye, it was natural to suppose that the candidate who
got to the top of the Poll, should be placed at the head of the
Poles—a pun which the learned Bracton might, with good
reason, have boasted of.
2ndly, As to the particular mode of inheritance. The
English crown descends in a line, but history tells us that
this line is sometimes a very crooked one. Males are pre¬
ferred to females, a constitutional maxim which may be
traced to Lindley Murray, who declares in his grammar that
" the masculine is worthier than the feminine." But the
females don't all take an equal share, as in common inherit¬
ance, for had this been the case, the English crown would
have dwindled, in the time of Mary and Elizabeth, to a
couple of half-crowns, which would have much detracted
from its dignity. The constitution is always very jealous of
letting the crown get into the hands of an uncle—probably
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE
33
from the value of the jewels, for when jewels get into an
uncle's hand it is difficult indeed to get them out again. It
is a maxim that " the king never dies but this is a quibble,
like that which asserts that " to-morrow never comes," for if
kings never died, William the Conqueror would be now
residing at Buckingham Palace, and granting occasional inter¬
views to Sir R. Peel or the Duke of Wellington. The fact is,
that when one king is cut off, another, like the head of a
hydra, springs up to replace him, and the well-known burst
of enthusiasm on the part of our present sovereign, who is
said to have flourished her night-cap, exclaiming " Hurrah—
hurrah—I'm Queen of England," was in conformity with the
constitutional maxim alluded to.
We shall now proceed to trace the crown from Egbert,
who found himself one fine morning a sort of seven in one,
uniting in his own person all the kingdoms of the Heptarchy.
In the course of 200 years we find the crown on the head of
Edmund Ironsides, from whom it was claimed by Canute,
who took a composition of 10s. in the pound, or in other
words accepted half, but on the death of Ironsides, who
deserved the second title of Leadenhead, clutched the whole
of it. Edward the Confessor, who we have already seen
never confessed anything, then got hold of the crown, which
of right belonged to Edward, surnamed the Outlaw, who was
probably keeping out of the way to avoid process. On the
death of the Confessor, Harold the Second usurped the throne,
from which he was pitched neck and crop by William the
Norman, who pretended to have got a grant of it from the
Confessor, and may probably have raked up some old cognovit
given by Edward, which would after all account for his
having the title of Confessor—a cognovit being, as the legal
student will hereafter be told, a confession of a debt and a
judgment. William the Conqueror having defeated Harold, at
Hastings, left that delightful watering-place for London, and
having tried on the crown it was found such a capital fit, that it
was firmly fixed upon his head, and descended to his children.
D
34
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
It would be useless to trace the crown through its various
vicissitudes—now being let out to fit the capacious head of
the son of John of Gaunt, who " tried it on" successfully as
Henry the Fourth, and now taken in to suit the delicate fore¬
head of Elizabeth.
The crown was at length laid aside for a time, in conse¬
quence of Charles the First being deprived of a head to wear
it upon. James the Second subsequently ascended the throne,
but soon " cut," and failing to " come again," he was declared,
if we may be allowed a parliamentary parallel, to have
accepted the Chiltern Hundreds. It is not at all improbable
that the people acted with the utmost delicacy in reference
to the absconding of James, and probably inserted in the
papers of the day something like the following advertisement:
—" If James the Second does not call at the Houses of Par¬
liament on or before Saturday next, the crown, and other
property which he has left behind him, will be immediately
disposed of."
His Majesty continuing to play at hide-and-seek, a treaty
was entered into with the Prince and Princess of Orange,
which is called " the glorious revolution of 1688," which was
effected without even so much as a row in the streets, or the
police being called in to preserve order.
The remainder of the crown was settled on the heirs of the
Princess Sophia, the Electress of Hanover; but what this
remainder was, when some one else had got it all, we leave
our arithmetically disposed readers to calculate.
After the death of Anne, George the First was honoured
by that uneasiness in the head which is, according to Shak-
speare, the natural consequence of wearing a crown, which
has now descended—we hope without subjecting her to any
head-ache at all—on our Most Gracious Majesty Queen
Victoria.
The succession to the throne was formerly unconditional,
but now it is limited to such of the heirs of the Princess
Sophia as are Protestants; and some over-zealous persons
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
35
have feared that her Majesty may imbibe Catholic notions by
visiting Catholic nations—a fear which, we are hound to say,
we do not participate. The Queen is, we know, devoted to
the interests of the mass, but not to the mass performed in
Catholic Churches.
Such is the constitutional doctrine of the descent of the
crown, for which every good Englishman should be ready to
draw his sword, or,—supposing him to be without a sword,—
to brandish his walking-stick.
CHAPTER IV.
of the king's or queen's royal family.
The Queen is either Queen Regent, Queen Consort, or
Queen Dowager. The Queen Regent has all the powers of a
king, and, in relation to her husband, is the highest possible
illustration of the old adage that " the grey mare is the better
horse." The Queen Consort is like other married women,
but is separate and distinct from the king, though the Queen's
Consort—vide Albert—is never desirous of quitting the side
of the sovereign. Another privilege of a Queen Consort is
that of paying no toll, and it would seem that Prince Albert
might enjoy the luxury of bolting over Waterloo-bridge
without satisfying the 'pike, and indulge in other freaks of a
Rebeccaite complexion. The Queen Consort is also entitled
to some money called Queen-gold, which is one mark out
of every ten that any person will voluntarily give to the
king, her husband. What may be the value of this revenue
can be ascertained by calculating, 1st, What is a mark ? and,
2dly, Who is fool enough in these days to make a voluntary
offer of ten marks to the king 1 When the total of this is
ascertained, ten per cent, of the amount will comprise the
value of the Queen-gold alluded to.
In Domesday-book we find that out of rents due to the
crown, there used to be reserved some money to buy wool
d 2
36
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
for her Majesty's use, and oil for her Majestys lamps, from
which it would seem that the queens were famous for wool¬
gathering by candle-light. There are traces of this payment
in the pipe-roll of Henry the First, from which it would appear
that when the king was called upon to pay it, he used " to
put that in his pipe and smoke it." Henry the Second
seems to have understood how to collect this tax, for it is
alluded to in the ancient dialogue of the Exchequer, written
by Gervase of Tilbury ; but whether Gervase took his name
from a Tilbury, or whether, being called Tilbury, his gig was
nominated after him, we have no distinct evidence. Queen-
gold afterwards fell into disuse, because there was no queen
to look after it; but Anne, the consort of James the First,
tried it on, though it was, according to Spelman, Nullum
ire, or " No go," and accordingly she abandoned her claim
to it.
Another privilege of the Queen Consort is her right to a
whale taken on the Strand, but there has been no whale in
our days nearer to the Strand than Charing-Cross, where the
skeleton of a whale was exhibited. There being no Queen
Consort to claim the bone of the whale, the whale was not
boned on behalf of royalty. The reason of this old claim is
said to have been that the Queen Consort required whalebone
for her wardrobe, and for that of her visitors, a reason which
points of course to the English practice of ladies wearing stays
—but Coke hints, that these visitors, if they wanted an entire
whale, must have intended to make a very long stay with the
Queen, or so much bone could not have been required.
In the present day the Queen is entitled to the Prince of
Wales, but it is not likely there will be any bones about it,
for no one would dispute her Majesty's prerogative with
regard to the entire possession of the heir-apparent.
It is treason to compass or imagine the death of the Queen
Consort; but as we never yet saw a pair of compasses with
which the death of a Queen Consort could be compassed, the
statute—which is the 25th of Edward the Third—is never
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
37
acted on. A Queen Dowager enjoys various privileges, among
the most valuable of which is 100,000£. per annum. Any one
marrying a Queen Dowager without special license from the
King, is liable to forfeit his goods ; but semble that Dunn, the
Irish barrister, who set his gossamer at Miss Burdett Coutts,
would not have been deterred from a match he had set his
heart upon, even though it cost him his liberty; a Queen
Dowager does not lose her title if she marries a private
gentleman; for when Catherine, the widow of Henry Fifth,
married Owen ap Meredith ap Theodore—who was a mere
man about town—she was not called Mrs, Ap Meredith ap
Theodore—but she retained the name of Queen of England.
The Prince of Wales and the Princess Royal are peculiarly
regarded by the laws, and so is the Prince of Wales's wife ;
but as Coke would say—" This is counting ye chickens
before hatching them." The heir-apparent is Duke of Corn¬
wall as soon as he is born, because there are certain revenues
which it is thought advisable to clutch at the earliest moment
possible.
The rest of the royal family may be considered in various
lights; but as there is a probability that the royal couple,
like the Bank of England, will be continually " adding to the
rest," we shall postpone our remarks to a future period.
The only privilege enjoyed by the junior branches is, a
seat at the side of the cloth of estate in the Parliament
chamber ; though we do not see how the cloth of estate can
be more desirable than the horse-hair cushion of eomfort.
By the statute of Henry the Eighth, it was high treason to
contract a marriage with the King's reputed children; but by
the new act, the nuptial state may be entered into under
certain restrictions; but if the conditions are not complied
with, any one being present at the marriage incurs the penal¬
ties of a praemunire, which is " Important to the marrow¬
bones and cleavers," no less than to the friends of the happy—
but treasonable couple!
CHAPTER V.
of the councils belonging to the king (or queen).
In order to assist the Sovereign, there are councils to
advise him; and, though it is said there is wisdom in a
multiplicity of councillors, there is more often folly in those
by whom the monarch is guided.
First comes the Parliament, which we have already treated
of; that is to say, given our readers a treat on that interest¬
ing subject.
Secondly come the Peers, who are by birth entitled to
counsel and defend the king; but some of them get him into
a scrape by their advice, and then leave him to get out of it
as he can—which is the case when a ministry proposes some¬
thing unpopular, and leaves the king alone in his glory, by
resigning when the measure cannot be carried.
The advice of the peers being found, from experience, not
worth having, the practice of asking it fell into disuse, until
it was revived in 1640 by Charles the First, who must have
lost his head, figuratively speaking, when he wanted the
advice of the peers—as he did substantially lose his head
after the said advice was given to him.
Any particular peer may demand an audience of the king;
but some peers, who are not over-particular, demand audiences
about nothing at all—as though Lord Brougham were to ask
a personal interview with her Majesty to discuss his (Lord
Brougham's) own individual merits.
Another portion of the king's council comprises the judges;
but it does not seem that the sovereign has any power to ask
their opinion about anything ; and, considering that if he did
ask opinions of all the fifteen upon one point he would
scarcely find two alike, his inability to consult them is no
great loss to him.
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
39
Then there is the Privy Council, the number of which is
indefinite, consisting of persons chosen by the king; but it is
conveniently managed that the opinion of most of them is
never asked—which is a great protection to the country.
The qualifications of a privy councillor consist in his ability
to take an oath ; but no other qualification, either mental or
otherwise, is requisite, as may be seen by the names of some
of those who, at the present moment, belong to the privy
council.
The duties of a privy councillor are generally " to keep and
do all that a counsellor ought." Most of them fulfil this
condition by keeping all they get, and doing anybody they
can, with a zeal that is truly astonishing.
The Privy Council seems to have no original jurisdiction in
anything but matters of lunacy or idiocy, which, it is said,
properly belong to them. If any person claims an island,
the Privy Council has jurisdiction ; from which it seems that
if the tenant of the Eel-pie Island were to be ejected for rent
in arrear, it would be a matter for the Privy Council, instead-
of the broker.
. By a late act, there has been created a tribunal, called
" The Judicial Committee of the Privy Council," which adds
another court of appeal to those already in existence, and
thus supplies an opportunity for more law to those who in
the inferior courts have not had enough of it.
The chief privilege of privy councillors is the security
given them against attempts upon their lives, which renders
it felony to "imagine" the death of any one of them. The
reader will see the danger of allowing the imagination to
wander to the possibility of a privy councillor popping from
the hooks, or applying the foot with any degree of force to
the bucket. This statute was made upon Sieur Guiscard
attempting to stab Mr. Harley; but as this popular comedian
is at present a member of the Drury-lane Company, it is
evident that the Sieur Guiscard did not succeed in his
murderous effort. The Privy Council may be dissolved at
40 THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
any time by the Sovereign, and in this respect it resembles a
Seidlitz powder, which can be dissolved at a moment's notice.
The importance of the Privy Council has been getting, for
many years, small by degrees and beautifully less. The only
wonder is that, looking at some of the names, any importance
at all is attached to it.
CHAPTER VI.
OF THE KING'S (OR QUEEN'S) DUTIES.
We now come to the duties of the sovereign, which will
form a very short chapter, though the prerogative, which
comes next, will not be so briefly disposed of. The principal
duty of the sovereign is to govern according to law, which is
no such easy matter, when it is considered how frightfully
uncertain the law is, and how difficult it must be to govern
according to anything so horridly dubious. Bracton, who
wrote in the time of Henry the Third—and a nice time he
had of it—declares that the king is subject to nothing on
earth; but Henry the Eighth was subject to the gout, and
Queen Anne is thought to have been subject to chilblains.
Fortescue, who was the Archbold of his day, and was always
bringing out law books, tells us the important fact that " the
king takes an oath at his coronation, and is bound to keep
itbut semble, say we, that if he did not choose to keep it
he could not be had up at the Old Bailey for perjury. For¬
tescue deserves "a pinch for stale news," which was the
schoolboy penalty, in our time, for very late intelligence.
To obviate all doubts and difficulties, a statute was passed
in the reign of William the Third, which rendered matters
more doubtful and more difficult. It was enacted that the
" laws of England are the birthright of the peoplebut there
is such a thundering legacy duty, in the shape of costs, that
few people like to administer and take possession of their
precious birthright. The statute further goes on to say, that
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
41
" all kings and queens ought" to do so and so, and that " all
officers and ministers ought to " do this, that, and the other;
but, as Coke quaintly says in his dog French, "ought est sur
son pied pour reang" (ought is upon its feet, the canine
Norman or dog French for stands,—pour reang for nothing).
The duties of the sovereign are briefly set forth in the
Coronation oath, which is arranged as a duet for the arch¬
bishop or bishop and the sovereign. There is, however,
something evasive in the replies—for while the archbishop's
question commences with the words " Will you promise and
swear1?" the answer merely says, "I promise," and leaves
the swearing part completely out of the question.
The coronation oath was formerly written in Norman
French, but, having been looked upon as a farce, it has since
been done into English, probably by a member of the Drama¬
tic Authors' Society. The duties of the sovereign, then, are,
1st, To govern according to the law, which binds him to
nothing ; 2nd, To execute judgment in mercy, which, as the
sovereign can only be merciful at the suggestion of the Home
Secretary, is not very practicable; 3rd, To maintain the
established religion, of which there are two, one for England,
Ireland, and Wales ; and another for Scotland. How the
sovereign contrives to do both, is a problem we must leave to
others to afford a solution of.
CHAPTER VII.
, of the king's (or queen's) prerogative.
It is one of the beauties of our Constitution, that our
natural liberties are only intrenched upon for the mainte¬
nance of our civil; and thus, though it would be natural with
many to take great liberties, civility is ensured by the whole¬
some restrictions that all are subject to. There cannot be a
greater mark of freedom, than our being at liberty to discuss
42
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
the prerogative, and with our usual freedom we take the
liberty of doing so. Prerogative is a word derived from prm
and rogo, which means to ask before ; but this is a contra¬
diction, for prerogative implies doing first and not asking even
afterwards.
Prerogatives are either direct or incidental; for instance,
it is a direct prerogative for a street-keeper to warn off the
boys, but it is an incidental prerogative, to run after them
with the cane when they decline going.
The direct prerogative concerns the royal dignity, which
is kept up by assigning to the Sovereign certain qualities in
bad Latin, and applying to him the term Imperial—which is
also given to tips of hair on the chin, trunks belonging to
travelling carriages, quart pots of full measure, and ginger-
beer of a respectable quality.
This word imperial applied to the Sovereign means, that
he is paramount in his own country, and is not regulated by
any other laws than those which guided the bull in his
celebrated tour (deforce) in the china-shop. The Pope for¬
merly claimed the power of controlling the King of England,
and thus our allegory of the bull was liable to be rendered
inapplicable by a Bull of his Holiness. "But," says Finch,
" who shall command the King ?" a question to which Finch
is to this very day waiting for an answer. But if the Sove¬
reign can do as he pleases, it naturally becomes a matter
of anxiety what the people can do if the Sovereign don't
please to do as he ought to do. In this dilemma we rush
to Puffendorf for advice and consolation. We find in his
law of N. and R. 1. 8, c. 10, that "A subject, so long as
he is a subject, hath no way to obliger his prince to give him
his due when he refuses it." Sernble therefore, that in law
the maxim does not hold good, that " Where there is a will
there is a way;" and, indeed, many wills have been made
away with; but this is a mere obiter dictum of our own,
which we do not wish the reader to take particular notice of.
In matters of private injury, it is usual for a subject to pro-
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
43
ceed against the Sovereign by what is called a petition of
right, when " the Chancellor will administer justice " (Hookey,
Chap. I.), " from the mere love of justice " ( Walker, passim).
In cases of public oppression, the remedy is against the
ministers, who may be punished for giving bad advice to the
Sovereign. The advice, by a constitutional fiction, is never
thought bad, because it is generally good for themselves; and
thus the ministers somehow or other never get punished.
Throughout the whole of our Constitution there runs a
feeling like that of the uncles, the nephews, the nieces, and
the beef-eaters in Sheridan's Critic, It is such a beautiful
system of check and counter-check, that nobody can do this
for fear of somebody else doing that; and therefore all are
compelled to do t'other. The theory is, that neither Lords,
Commons, nor King can do wrong; but the practice very
often is for none of them to do right; and there being no
remedy, we are assured there can be no wrong, because it is
a maxim that there is no wrong without a remedy. This is
such consolation as it might be to a creditor, who could not
get paid, to be told that he is not wronged, because he is not
righted; and that, in fact, as there can be no debt without the
money, so there being no money to be had, nothing can be
owing to him.
Whether a sovereign may be sent to the right about is a
subject too delicate for us to write about, and we can only
refer to the popular song of Over the Water to Charlie, or
hint at the mode in which James the Second, after playing
his cards badly, was altogether cut by the people as the best
way of dealing with him.
It seems that either House of Parliament may remonstrate
with the Sovereign; but as one member was sent to the
Tower for suggesting that the answer to the address contained
u high words to fright the members out of their duty," this
glorious privilege of remonstrance has been left in later times
wholly unexercised.
It is a maxim that the King cannot be guilty of negligence
44
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
or laches, that, in fact, he can never be too late—a maxim
that is very useful to him when going by a railway, for no
laches can make him late for the train, which must be always
ready for him. Nullum tempus occurrit Regi is the standing
maxim, which means that the time never occurs to the King,
or that he has no occasion to trouble himself as to what
o'clock it is.
A third attribute of the King is his perpetuity; for it is a
maxim that the King never dies, but, we presume, simply
mizzles. Dying is considered too harsh a term to apply to
majesty, and what is naturally death is civilly termed the
demise of the Crown, or a repeal of the union between the
Sovereign's body natural and body politic. This maxim
seems to us to be a remnant of that gross feudal flattery
which whispered to Canute that the king could never be cap¬
sized and swamped—which nevertheless the king might have
been.
The royal authority is so great, that any other authority is
a branch of it; the policeman's staff being a shoot from the
same tree, and so in former times was the watchman's rattle.
The King may reject bills that are public, and refuse to
pay those that are private: he may make treaties, coin
money, and create peers ; yet it is said he can do no wrong;
" may ceo," says the old Norman jurist, " est un grosse Mon-
songe for, he adds in the quaint dog French of his time,
"boko de Peers sont tray Movais." He may also pardon
offences, which, considering the unpardonable lot he has to
do with, must be a great luxury.
With regard to foreign nations, the acts of the King bind
his own ; and as America has no king, there is nobody to be
bound ; which accounts for its bonds, especially the Pennsyl-
vanian bonds, being utterly valueless. The king sends and
receives ambassadors, who, representing their masters, are not
liable to any laws in this country. Thus, if the French am¬
bassador were to pick a gentleman's pocket, the ambassador
could not be punished ; but the King of the French would
THE COMIC BEACKSTONE.
45
be called upon to adopt the larceny, and either make restitu¬
tion or fight it out. It seems also that if the representative
of the Porte should dine out, and take too much sherry,
though he should be found lying drunk in the streets, he
could not be fined five shillings. This is the essence of the
whole of the law, as found in the books, on ambassadors. It
seems, however, that a legate can never be tied by the leg ;
but may hop off at any time. It did, however, once happen,
that the ambassador of Peter the Czar was, in the reign of
Anne, set upon by the Selbys of that rude era, and torn from
his coach for a debt of fifty pounds, which so irritated Peter,
that he sent a letter demanding the ears of the Sheriff to be
forwarded by return of post to Moscow. If such a demand
were made in these days, it could not be complied with, for
the ears of the present Sheriff (Moon) are much too long to
be transmitted through the post-office. Peter was, however,
pacified by an illuminated copy of an Act of Parliament,
passed expressly to prevent such things in future. The illu¬
mination of the act was, no doubt, intended to throw a light
upon it.
The King may also grant letters of marque, enabling ships
to seize the subjects and goods of a particular State ; but, as
we are not likely to get into that state, it may be said that of
these letters of marque there is now no likelihood.
The King may also grant safe conduct, which is something
like, an order given by a tyrant in a melodrama, to see the
juvenile tragedian safe without the lines, accompanied by an
assertion, that when next the parties meet, they meet as
deadly foes. Perhaps the safest conduct in the present
peaceful times is never to put your name to an accommoda¬
tion bill, and to avoid becoming a security to a loan society.
The Sovereign is generalissimo of the army, and has the
power of manning forts ; but at present there is only one fort
to man, which is Tilbury Fort, where a man may be con¬
stantly seen manning it. There was formerly a tax for building
castles ; but these are now maintained by the owners, except
46
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
Jack Straw's, the Elephant, and a few others, where a sort of
feudal revelry is kept up hy those who choose to pay for it.
To erect beacons is likewise a royal prerogative, but to knock
the beacons down {vide the one in hand on the Goodwin
Sands) is the prerogative of Neptune.
The King may also prohibit the exporting of arms, and he
can also prevent the legs from leaving the country, by a we
exeat regno. When royalty can hinder any one from going
abroad, it is strange that Lord Brougham does not pray on
his own head the exercise of the prerogative.
The King is the fountain of justice, from which are sup¬
plied all the leaden reservoirs in Westminster Hall, and the
Pumps at the inferior tribunals. The judges were formerly
removable at the King's pleasure; but they were made
fixtures by George the Third, and some of them manifest, at
the present day, the most remarkable adhesiveness.
The Sovereign is supposed to be everywhere ; and her pre¬
sent Majesty seems anxious to keep up the constitutional
allegory, by running about here, there, and everywhere, when
the weather will admit of it.
The King is also the fountain of honour, and lays it on—
sometimes rather too thick—to those who are not quite
worthy of receiving it. The King, as the head of commerce,
may also establish marts and fairs ; but it does not seem that
the enormous Bedding Mart was established by royal inter¬
ference, nor that Rag Fair owes its origin to the same high
intervention. Weights and measures are also regulated by
the Sovereign ; but to very little effect, if we are to judge by
the diminutive quantity of coals that go to a hundred, at
some of the sheds in the metropolis.
With reference to currency and coining, over which the
Sovereign has control, Coke lays it down, that money must
be either gold or silver, from which it seems that Sir Edward
had a soul above halfpence.
The Sovereign is also head of the church, and as such the
royal assent is necessary to the validity of canons; but no
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
47
assent could give validity to the cannon in St. James's Park,
which is fit for nothing but old iron.
We have now gone through the whole of the royal prero¬
gative, from which it appears royalty might do anything, if it
could ; but, as it can't, it is capable of nothing.
CHAPTER VIII.
of the king's (or queen's) revenue.
The Royal revenue is either ordinary or extraordinary;
but what is ordinary for a sovereign, would be quite extra¬
ordinary for any other individual. It has subsisted time out
of mind ; and indeed the times must have been out of their
mind, or mad, when they fixed the revenue at the enormous
rate it was formerly fixed at.
The first item in the ordinary revenue consists of the
temporalities of all bishoprics whenever a see becomes vacant;
but these are now merely nominal: for there are always so
many arms ready to thrust themselves into a pair of lawn
sleeves the moment they are empty, that the Sovereign has no
chance of making anything by a see continuing unoccupied.
William Rufus had a knack of keeping the sees empty a long
time, and not only pocketing the temporalities to a pretty
tune, but refusing to give them up to the new bishop without
a considerable sum, which he generally managed to get; for
few prelates were long contented with enjoying only the
capacious sleeves, and the pasteboard mitre.
Secondly, The King is entitled to what the law calls a
corody, namely, to send one of his chaplains to be maintained
by the bishop, until the bishop promotes him to a benefice.
This plan of quartering hungry curates upon well-fed prelates
has now fallen into disuse. It certainly partook more of the
military than the civil law, and was founded on the old
practice of billeting soldiers upon publicans.
Thirdly, The King is entitled to the tithes of places that
48
THE COMfC BLACKSTONE.
are extra-parochial; but, since tithes have been commuted,
this branch of the royal revenue might he deposited in the
royal eye, without any detriment to the royal eyesight.
The fourth branch comprises the First Fruits, which are
not, as some have supposed, the earliest crop of gooseberries
in the parish, but the first year's profits of the living ; so that
the parson would be compelled to live upon his wits during
the first twelve months, or run into debt for that period to
all the tradespeople. These First Fruits, amounting annually
to a great deal more than a plum, were originally gathered for
the use of the Pope ; but Henry the Eighth, having thrown
off the papal power, thought proper to bag the papal perqui¬
sites, and took possession of the First Fruits as a part of the
royal revenue.
Queen Anne, however, to whom First Fruits, like unripe
gooseberries, occasioned many a qualm, determined to give
them up to augment the poorer livings, and the First Fruits
have been preserved under the name of Queen Anne's
Bounty.
The fifth branch consists of the rents and profits of the
Crown Lands, including Regent-street and other sylvan
retreats, which come under the jurisdiction of the Commis¬
sioners of Woods and Forests. What there is woody about
Regent-street, except the pavement, it is difficult to say ; and
the connexion with a forest is still more dubious, except that
it was a branch of the royal revenue.
Formerly the Sovereign had the right of pre-emption, or
buying up provisions, to the preference of others, without the
consent of the owner ; that is to say, he might have stopped
the strawberry-women, as they walked into town, and bought
every pottle of hautboys on his own terms; or he might have
insisted on intercepting those waggon-loads of cabbages which
pour into Covent-Garden Market, and have had them all put
in at the very lowest figure for the use of the royal household.
This privilege of pre-emption was, however, resigned at the
Restoration, by Charles the Second, who agreed to take it out
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
49
in beer, or, in other words, receive a duty of fifteen pence a
barrel on all the heavy wet sold in the kingdom.
The seventh branch consisted of a charge for licences to
sell wine; but as this was liable to evasion, by sloe-juice
being sold instead, the revenue was abolished, and a com¬
promise of 7000?. a year was taken by the Crown instead of it.
The eighth branch consists of fines for violation of the
forest laws, which have for many years past amounted
exactly to the same sum, which may be quoted in round
numbers at 0?. 0s. 0d.
The ninth branch consists of the profits arising from pro¬
ceedings in Courts of Justice ; but as there is more plague
than profit in all legal proceedings, the royal revenue may
here be quoted at about the same as Pennsylvanian bonds, or
shares in the bridge of Waterloo.
The tenth branch comprises whale and sturgeon, which
belong of right to the king, when thrown ashore or caught
near the coast; but the cunning fish seldom give royalty a
chance of netting anything in this manner.
The king is, eleventhly, entitled to all legal wrecks ; and
" this," says Sir Peter Laurie, " is perhaps the reason why
the King is called Rex, or Wrecks, in all legal documents."
When the Thunder was wrecked by the reckless conduct of
the crew of the Lightning, it does not appear that the
sovereign claimed the former,
As she lay,
All the day,
In the Bay of Lambeth-ho!
Twelfthly, the sovereign is entitled to all the gold mines
in his dominions. As the Prince of Wales is a minor, per¬
haps he will be able to direct his royal parents to the mines
alluded to.
Thirteenthly, the king is entitled to treasure-trove; that is
to say, he may appropriate all the silver spoons, purses, bank¬
notes, watches, pocket-handkerchiefs, and other valuables left
E
50
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
lying in the streets without any one to pick them up or own
them. If a man throws his property into the sea or on to
the earth, he is supposed to have abandoned it, and the
sovereign may claim it; so that if a gentleman, coming from
a dinner-party, throws a handful of halfpence amongst a
crowd, it seems that the sovereign might beat off the mob
and pick up the copper.
Fourteenthly may be classed waifs, or property thrown
down by a thief in the act of flight; so that if a pickpocket
takes a handkerchief, and the king should happen to witness
the act, he may cut after the thief in the hope of picking up
a waif, by the article being thrown down, or dropped by the
delinquent.
Fifteenthly are estrays, or animals found wandering about
without an owner; and, considering how many donkies are
in this erratic state, it is a wonder that this branch of the
royal revenue is not more productive. It would, however,
be converting the Court of Buckingham Palace into a Green-
Yard, if this source of income were to be looked after by the
sovereign; and hence it is that cabmen can leave their horses
on the rank, without fear of the animals being treated as
estrays, and walked off to the palace for the benefit of
royalty.
The sixteenth branch consists of confiscated goods, includ¬
ing deodands, or things forfeited on account of their having
caused death by accident. If a wheel runs over a man and
kills him, the wheel belongs to the king; and if an ox tosses
up an individual so high that he never comes down again,
(alive,) the king may enjoy the horns as a part of his revenue.
The seventeenth branch arises from escheats, or lands for
which there are no heirs; but these lands are so scarce that
there are no grounds for the supposition that the royal revenue
derives any advantage from them.
The eighteenth branch of the king's revenue consists in
the custody of idiots, or the right of appropriating the lands
of a purus idiota, or right down fool—a class so numerous,
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
51
that it was thought the property of the barons would gra¬
dually get into the hands of the sovereign ; and, therefore, on
petition, the estate of a non compos may be committed to the
care of some one, for the benefit of the heir, for " the lords
were naturally fearful," says Fleta, or Fleeter, who is not
quite so slow a coach as some of the jurists—" th# lords were
naturally fearful that the Crown should make idiots of them
all, and bone their property."
It seems then, that out of eighteen sources of income,
there is really nothing worth speaking of, to be got; and
consequently, it is usual for the House of Commons to vote
a Supply first, and then think about the Ways and Means of
raising it.
We now come to the extraordinary branches of the revenue,
and shall begin with the land-tax, which is a substitute for
hydages, scutages, talliages, and other outlandish pretexts for
getting hold of money.
In ancient times every knight was bound to attend the king
in battle for forty days in a year ; but as it would be very
inconvenient for a man like Sir Peter Laurie to give his per¬
sonal assistance in the wars, the matter came to be com¬
promised for a sum of money called a scutage—and afterwards
a hydage, probably in allusion to the hyding—or hiding—from
which the compromise preserved the parties paying it.
Afterwards came the practice of subsidies, which consisted
of money taken from the Commons, under the guise of their
having granted it. These subsidies have now subsided into
a land-tax.
Next comes the malt-tax, which is thought to be a proper
penalty on the very uncourtly practice of biting the initials
into pewter pots ; and the customs form a part of the revenue,
including butlerage, or the right of taking two tons of wine
from every ship—a process which, considering the quantity
of vessels that carry no wine at all, savours so much of getting
blood out of a stone, that we are not surprised at the practice
being abandoned.
e 2
52
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
The excise we need hardly allude to, for every one knows,
by personal experience, the nature of it—there being scarcely
a single article of consumption, that is not partly consumed
by the excise duty.
The post office, the stamps, and the duty on hackney
carriages, are also branches of the revenue—so that the badge
on the omnibus conductor's breast is like so much money
taken from his very heart—a remark that will also apply to
the cab-driver.
The Assessed-taxes come next, and embrace the duty on
windows ; which constitute a terrible look-out for those who
have to pay it. These taxes also comprise the impost on
horses and dogs—which are said by Buffon to be the natural
companions of man ; but it is hard that man should have to
pay so dearly for their company.
The tax on hair-powder used to fall heavily on the briefless
barristers, but they have rushed recklessly into horsehair,
and run their heads into a species of composition wig, which
combines the lightness of wire with the durability of cat-gut.
Armorial bearings are also liable to a duty; and it is therefore
not safe to seal a letter with anything but the top of a thimble,
lest, by adopting a more elegant contrivance, the tax-gatherer
should pounce down upon you for what he may call a crest;
though it is in fact nothing but a chance device on a second¬
hand wafer-stamp. There is also a duty on pensions, per¬
haps to make up for the absence of duty on the part of those
to whom the pensions are payable.
The first purpose to which the revenue is devoted is
the interest of the national debt, which commenced in
1693, just five years after the glorious revolution of 1688,
and was probably one of the glorious results of it. The
national debt has increased several millions, in spite of the
efforts of certain commissioners for reducing it. These
gentlemen now and then announce the fact of their having
rubbed off a few pounds at one end, while, somehow or
other, a few thousands have been rubbed on at the other.
THE COMIC BLA.CKSTONE.
53
If, till the debt is paid off, the commission is to be continued,
it may be fairly pronounced immortal. The only method of
getting rid of it would be for the sovereign to file a petition
at the Insolvent Court in the name of the nation, and
solemnly take the benefit of the act, in the presence of all
the fundholders.
The whole of the revenues already described were given
up by George III. to the public, in lieu of an allowance
which was called the civil list—from the extreme civility on
the side both of the king and the people. Some complaints
have been occasionally made of the large amount of this civil
list; but when all things are considered—the state-coach, the
drawing-rooms, the levees, the palace dinners, and last, hut
not least, the royal progresses, we do not see how her Majesty
can " do it respectably" for less money than is paid to her.
It will have been seen, from our view of the royal prero¬
gative and revenue, that the sovereignty is tolerably well
hedged in with restrictions, and has, after all, very few
opportunities of rendering itself obnoxious.
The army is at its beck and call, but the Commons must
vote the money for supporting it; and an army without pay
would be little better than a steam-engine without steam, or
the keeper of Burlington Arcade without his brass-bound
bludgeon. It is true the sovereign has the run of the trea¬
sury, but there is seldom any mon^y in hand, for it is always
spent first and raised afterwards. It is not now as it was in
the days of the Johns and Richards, who, directly they usurped
the throne, used to jump into a cab and rush to the Horse-
Guards, " to secure," as Hume tells us, " the crown and
treasure." These days of royal roguery are gone, and we
may now venerate the crown and respect the sovereign,
without feeling called upon to address to Englishmen those
emphatic words, " Take care of your pockets."
CHAPTER IX.
of subordinate magistrates.
We have hitherto considered only the Chief Magistrate,
but we now come down to the subordinates ; and when we
say that we shall begin with the Sheriff, the drop from the
throne to the shrieval office-stool appears indeed terrible.
First, of the Sheriffs. The Sheriff is an officer of very great
antiquity, his name being derived from two Saxon words,
which we don't print, because if we did, we could not read
them ourselves, and we think the reader would find himself
in the same predicament. In Latin he is called Yice-Comes,
or Deputy of the Earl, though literally it means Viscount;
hut Viscount Moon, or Viscount Rogers, would sound so
absurd that the term Vice-Comes is no longer applied to a
sheriff. The Earls formerly did the duties themselves ; hut,
finding that there was now and then a man to be hanged, the
Earls turned the matter over to the sheriffs, who afterwards
relinquished the task to Jack Ketch, the Sheriffs only reserv¬
ing the right to introduce their friends to illustrious criminals.
The Judges now choose the Sheriffs; but in the time of
Henry VI. the king, having tried to make a sheriff, was told
he could not, by Sir John Prisot and Sir John Fortescue, who
delivered, probably in a duet like the following, the opinion
of all the judges:—
Sir John Prisot.
Oh, no- You must not mention it.
Sir John Fortescue.
Your Majesty has err'd.
Sir John Prisot.
A sheriff you can never make.
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
55
Sir John Forteseue.
You can't, upon my word.
Both together.
From book to book we've search'd all day,
And have perused a set
Of old reports—but cannot find
A King-made sheriff yet.
Notwithstanding this judicial distich, the King occasionally
amused himself by making a sheriff, and even to the present
time what are called pocket-sheriffs are now and then manu¬
factured by the hands of Royalty. The Sheriff, like the sun¬
flower, lasts only a year, though he partakes occasionally of
the holly-hock, which may be cut down one year and spring
up the next, for a sheriff that has blossomed once may again
flower into shrievalty.
The Sheriff is like a telescope, a pencil-case, or a trombone,
including two or three official divisions in one, and requires
drawing out before he can be fully appreciated; for he is a
judge, a keeper of the peace, and a bailiff.
His judicial capacity is often a goocj deal like judicial era-
capacity. It was formerly limited to forty shillings, which
was about as much as it was worth; but it has since been
extended to twenty pounds, by virtue of a writ of trial.
As the keeper of the king's peace, the Sheriff is, for the
time being, the first man in the county ; that is to say, he is
expected to be the first to rush on at a row, when there is a
probability that the only advantage in being the first man in
the county will be the privilege of being the first to get his
head broken. He is bound to pursue and take all traitors;
so that if Sheriff Moon should happen to see a traitor standing
at the corner of Threadneedle-street, he (Moon) would be
bound, as Sheriff, to bolt after him. He may also summon
the posse comitatus, or, in other words, call upon the tag-rag
to assist him in capturing or pursuing a felon. The Sheriff,
however, cannot try criminal offences ; " For," says the
facetious Fortescue, " it would be too much of a good thing
56
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
that the Sheriff should try a man first, and hang him after¬
wards ; for, of course, having to hang him, he has a direct
interest in finding him guilty."
The Sheriff is also bound to execute all writs; and for this
purpose he has officers called bailiffs, who frequently undergo
martyrdom at the spout of the pump, and pass through other
ordeals in their endeavours to catch that particular bird which
their writ indicates. " The Under-sheriff," says Dalton, " is
derived from the old Saxon -word Under, signifying beneath,
and Shriff or Shreff, which means the Sheriff."
After the Under-sheriff and the Bailiff, comes the Gaoler,
" an officer," says Coke, "who is the have ye to the bailiff's
catch ye ; for he keeps fast or has in custody the bird that
the bailiff has caught; and as there is no catch ye no have ye:
so the gaoler, who doth have the gaol bird, would be useless
without the bailiff who doth catch him."
We now come to the Coroner, whose office is veiy ancient;
and indeed the Lord Chief Justice of the Queen's Bench is
ex officio the chief coroner in the kingdom, so that it really—
semble that Lord Denman might insist on sitting upon any¬
body whenever he happened to feel an inquisitorial fit come
over him. The Coroner is elected by the freeholders ; and
formerly none but a discreet Knight could be chosen. In
these days, however, a discreet Knight is not often to be
found, and the office of Coroner is consequently given to mere
Esquires, in whom discretion is not looked for. If any person
dies suddenly, the Coroner must sit on the body, where the
death happens; but, if a man is drowned by falling into the
sea, it does not appear that the Coroner is bound to dive after
the body and sit upon it. Another branch of his office is to
sit upon wrecks, which can only be done when the top of the
mast is sufficiently out of the water to enable the Coroner to
sit in safety. He is also to inquire about treasure-trove,
which gives him jurisdiction over mudlarks, who seek for
coals at low water, and bone-grubbers, who rummage in dust-
holes.
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
57
We now come to Justices of the Peace, who are a very
miscellaneous set, beginning with no less a person than the
Sovereign, and finishing with the Solons who adorn the various
benches of Magistrates. The duty of a Justice of the Peace
is to suppress riots and affrays, and to hear and determine
felonies ; but if a justice sees an affray, he is often too much
afraid to rush in and put an end to it.
After the Justice comes the Constable, a genus of which
there are two species, the High and" the Petty. The Petty
Constable is as old as Alfred, but how old Alfred might have
been we are unable to say with certainty. The Constable is
armed with very great powers ; and there is one at the Bur-
fcngton Arcade who is armed with an instrument of slaughter,
but, happily for the nation, he never uses it. Nevertheless,
when the constable has nothing better to do, he may be seen
breathing on the brass nob, and rubbing it up with his pocket
handkerchief.
The Surveyors of the Highways form the next branch of
subordinate magistrates ; and their duty formerly was to call
the inhabitants of the parish together, and order them to
bring materials for repairing the roads. If this were now the
case, the Dukes of Cambridge and Devonshire would be
obliged to contribute a few blocks of wood to pave Piccadilly.
To avoid this sort of inconvenience, a paving rate has been
imposed ; though there is no doubt that any inhabitant might
claim the provisions of the statute of Henry the Eighth, and
insist on mending his own ways, instead of paying a rate for
doing so.
Lastly, we will consider the Overseers of the Poor, who
sometimes literally over-see or over-look the cases of distress
requiring assistance. The poor law of Elizabeth has been
superseded by a much poorer law of William the Fourth, the
one great principle of which is to afford the luxury of divorce
to persons in needy circumstances. It also discountenances
relief to the able-bodied, a point which is effected by dis¬
abling, as far as possible, anybody who comes into the work-
58
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
house. The Poor Law is administered by three Commissioners,
who spend their time in diluting gruel and writing reports—
trying experiments how little will suffice to prevent a repeal
of the union between the soul and the body.
CHAPTER X.
of the people, whether aliens, denizens, or natives.
Having treated of the Sovereign, we now come down to
the small change, or in other words, we turn from her Most
Gracious Majesty the Queen, to his Most Miscellaneous
Majesty the People.
The people are divided into aliens and natural born, though
the latter are not necessarily born naturals. Natural born
subjects are such as are born within the ligeance, or allegiance
of the Sovereign ; but aliens are such as are born out of it.
Allegiance is the tie which binds the subject to the Sove¬
reign, and the form is derived from the Goths; who, under
the feudal system, held their possessions under some lord, to
whom they were vassals. The only remains of this system
are to be met with at the Gothic Cottages in the Regent's
Park, the tenants of which swear fealty every quarter to the
lord or his house-agent. Formerly there was mutual trust
between the tenant of the soil and the owner, but this trust
has been much broken in upon, by the modern practice of
" shooting the moon," which hath destroyed that sylvan state
of simple confidence which formerly existed.
The vassal was formerly expected to defend the lord against
his enemies; so that if the landlord of a house got into a
street row, his vassals or lodgers were expected to take part
in it. This was called fidelitas, or fealty, the tenant taking an
oath to protect the lord of the soil; but this is now commuted
into an undertaking to pay the taxes, including a police rate,
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
59
which secures the lord and the vassal also from violence.
The oath of allegiance to the Sovereign is still taken by attor¬
neys and barristers, on being admitted to practise ; but in
consequence of their number, it has been arranged as a solo
and chorus for the officer of the Court, and an unlimited
number of voices, which chime in together, expressing their
horror of the Pope, without knowing who the old gentleman
is; and declaring that it is not lawful to murder foreign
princes in the public street, as if any one in these days ever
thought of assassinating continental royalty in Regent-street,
or any of the leading thoroughfares.
It seems, however, that all subjects owe allegiance to the
Sovereign, whether they have taken the oath or not; and it
is very probable that the ideas of most people would be
much the same on the slaughter of foreign princes, without
going through the ceremony of swearing the awful affidavit
alluded to.
Every person born within the English dominions owes
allegiance to the Sovereign from the moment of birth, being
at once under the protection or particular patronage of royalty.
The immense quantity of allegiance payable from persons
of large families may therefore be conceived ; and it must be
held as a constitutional doctrine, that twins cause a double
accession of loyalty. Local allegiance is something of the
nature of portable gas, for it is movable, and only lighted up
in the bosoms of aliens during their residence in this country,
after which it may be turned off, or otherwise extinguished.
It seems that allegiance is as much due to the usurper as
to the rightful Sovereign, and must be paid to whomsoever is
on the throne for the time being. If, therefore, a lunatic
should get into the throne-room in the Palace, and, sitting on
the throne, proclaim himself king, it would seem that the
royal housemaid would owe temporary allegiance to the
madman, until a policeman should regularly dethrone him,
and walk the usurper off to the nearest—that is to say, a much
more humble—station.
60
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
Allegiance is due to the person, and not to the dignity
alone; for, in the time of Edward the Third, the Spencers
were banished for refusing allegiance to the person of the
King, and offering it to his crown, which was something like
the notion of bowing to Gesler's hat, which, through Sheridan
Knowles's " William Tell," every one is acquainted with.
The sad tale of these Spencers led to the introduction of
spencers with no tail at all, several centuries afterwards.
Natural born subjects have rights that nothing hut their
own misbehaviour can forfeit; such as the right of buying
lands, if they have got the money to pay for them.
This glorious privilege may be enjoyed by the meanest
subject, under the circumstances last alluded to.
An alien may purchase lands; but if he does, the Sove¬
reign is entitled to them. Nevertheless, an alien may hire
a house to live in, though the King of the Belgians, when he
first came to London as an alien, occupied only lodgings,
being those on the second floor of Hagger's oil and pickle
shop in Oxford-street. The Prince, who is now the Lord of
the Belgians and their soil, was then the vassal of Hagger, to
whom he did weekly homage to the tune of thirty shillings.
An alien may trade freely; so that Verey dispenses din¬
ners in strict conformity with the provisions of our glorious
Constitution.
Children born out of England, whose father or grandfather,
by the father's side, is in allegiance to the English Sovereign,
are natural born subjects; and, therefore, the summer visitors
to Boulogne are in no danger of producing a crop of young
aliens—a result which would deprive the Sovereign of many
subjects, and not only the Sovereign, but the Emerald, the
Sir William Wallace, the Grand Turk, and the Water-
witch, of a great number of passengers.
The children of aliens, when born in England, are con¬
sidered as natural born, and Pagliano's Hotel contributes
annually a large stock of subjects to the British monarchy.
A denizen is an alien, who, by the Royal prerogative, is
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
61
made a natural; being, in fact, an animal something like a
mule, which, being between the horse and the ass, generally
partakes mostly of the latter. The denizen is indeed almost,
not quite, a natural.
Naturalisation can only be achieved by Act of Parliament;
but even when naturalised, neither an alien nor a denizen can
be a member of Parliament—a dignity that naturals only are
thought worthy of.
There have been one or two attempts to introduce an Act
for the general naturalisation of all foreigners; but the nearest
approach to it is the statute naturalising certain persons who
have served two years in the army or navy, and some who
have been three years fishing for whales; which really ex¬
hibits such a strong turn for natural history, that naturalisa¬
tion is the smallest compliment which can be paid to it.
So much for " the People," who have always got a number
of " People's Friends," ready to serve them in all sorts of
ways ; but serving them out is the most usual course that is
taken.
CHAPTER XI.
of the clergy.
The people are divided into the clergy and the laity, the
former of whom will be the subject of this chapter; and a
very lively chapter may be expected in consequence.
The clergy have several privileges, some of which were
taken from them at the Reformation, in consequence of their
having become impudent from the great liberties allowed to
them. Many of the personal exemptions still continue. For
instance, no one can be compelled to sit upon a jury, after he
has taken orders ; though sernble that the persons at the free-
list office in the theatres, notwithstanding their having taken
orders, are liable to serve as jurymen. A clergyman cannot
62
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
be chosen to any temporal office, such as bailiff or constable ;
so that a curate cannot be a bailiff at a lock-up house, nor
could a rector act as a policeman in a street riot. A clergy¬
man is also privileged from arrest, in going to and returning
from the performance of duty, or, as the Norman Jurist ex¬
presses it, " il ne faut pas commettre un tel faux pas de nabber
il parsone, et lui porter hors de la pulpite jusqu'a maison de
fermer au cle." (One must not commit such a false step, as to
nab the parson, and carry him out of the pulpit to the lock-up
house.) Formerly, a clergyman had what is called the
benefit of clergy in cases of felony ; a privilege which, if a
layman had asked for, he would have been told, that the
authorities would " see him hanged first." The last remnant
of benefit of clergy was the benefit allowed every May-day
to the sweeps, who were vulgarly called the clergy ; but this
has been almost swept away by the Ramoneur—a very up¬
right invention, which, disdaining to force itself into holes
and corners, leaves the soot to ignite in the crevices of the
chimneys.
The clergymen have, however, several disabilities; for
instance, they cannot sit in Parliament, but "that's not
much," as Othello (one of Nature's clergymen) very properly
observed, for there are many occasions, such as a financial
discussion, when exclusion from the House of Commons must
be regarded as a privilege, rather than a disability. Formerly
a clergyman was not allowed to trade, but was restricted to
the cure of souls. It does not seem, however, that even in
the days of doubtful orthography—for our ancestors never
could spell—a parson might have occupied himself, in the
drying of fish, which is certainly in one sense undertaking
the cure of soles ; for we do not find that Shakspeare's beau¬
tiful line in Hamlet, " Excellent well, you 're a fishmonger,"
was ever applied to any reverend contemporary of the Swan
of Avon.
It having been determined that a contract with any com¬
pany, of which any spiritual persons were partners or mem-
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
63
bers, was void—and this having been decided to be the law—
another law was passed in the reign of her present Majesty
to decide that it was not, or, if it was, it never ought to be.
It might be a hint worthy of adoption by the repudiating
States of America; for as there are, no doubt, spiritual per¬
sons among them, they may as well shuffle out of their liabi¬
lities, by reference to the fine old principles of English law,
and thus give a sacred character to one of the sublimest
swindles ever attempted in any age or country. By the new
act, parsons may trade in joint-stock companies, their evan¬
escence giving them, no doubt, a sort of ethereal character.
The clergy may also trade in books, or in anything con¬
nected with keeping a school, which admits of their adding
to their income by selling ink and various other scholastic
commodities.
We shall now consider the various ranks and degrees of
the clergy, commencing with an archbishop, who is the
greatest gun in the Church, according to all the canons.
Archbishops were formerly elected by all the people; but
the tumultuous scenes that arose were a great scandal; and
indeed we cannot fancy his Grace of Canterbury placarding
the town with posters, calling upon the public to " vote for
Howley," or defacing the walls of the episcopal palace with
the words, " Howley for Canterbury."
Archbishoprics afterwards came to be conferred by the
sovereigns till Gregory VII. exhibited a bull, declaring that
princes should not meddle in the manufacture of prelates.
Henry VIII., however, put an end to the Pope's pretensions, by
giving the power of electing an archbishop or a bishop to the
bishops themselves; that is to say, when his Majesty has
made his own choice, he gives the prelates the power of con¬
forming to it; or, in other words, rams a bishop down their
throats, thus forcing them to swallow him.
An archbishop is a sort of inspector of all the bishops in his
province; but he does not call them out like an inspector
would so many policemen, to examine their mitres, and see
64
THE COMIC BliACKSTONE.
that their lawn sleeves are properly starched, before going on
duty in their respective dioceses. An archbishop may call
out the bishops, just as a militia colonel may call out the
militia; and it is his duty to look after the spiritualities of a
vacant see, while the Crown takes care of the temporalities,
which are the only remunerating part of the business. If a
bishop does not fill up a vacant living in his diocese within
six months, the archbishop may; but the bishop has generally
too much archness to give a chance to his superior.
The archbishop also takes the first presentation to a living
which may occur in a bishop's diocese, so that a bishop's
mouth waters a good deal before he is suffered to quaff the
sweets of patronage. The Archbishop of Canterbury has also
the privilege of putting the crown on the heads of the Kings
and Queens of England ; but this seems to be more a hatter's
business, and we, therefore, do not enter into it.
Bishops have authority over the manners of the people; and
we wonder, therefore, that the Bishop of London does not
favour us with a book on etiquette.
Several alterations have been made, and others contem¬
plated, by the Ecclesiastical Commissioners appointed by Act
of Parliament in the reign of William IV., to unite certain sees,
by cutting through the barrier or isthmus that divided them.
We now come to deans and chapters, which would form a
chapter of themselves, only there is no occasion for it. A
dean and chapter are a sort of council to advise the bishop,
who, however, seldom asks their advice; or, if he asks it,
scarcely ever takes it. A dean formerly superintended ten
canons, but this must have been in the days when the Church
was disposed to be militant. The bishop, is the superior of
the dean and chapter, with the power of visiting them and
" correcting their excesseswhich surely cannot mean ad¬
ministering soda-water after they have been rather convivial 1
An archdeacon comes next to a bishop, and visits the
clergy, leaving his card formally with some, and dropping in
to tea, in a friendly manner, no doubt? with others.
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE. 65
Rural deans, in these anti-rural days, are nearly out of use.
They had nothing to do but pry into the domestic affairs of
the parochial clergy. They were called rural, very likely,
from their love of country occupations, such as fishing for
preferment, and making hay during sunshine.
We now come to the parson, a name derived from the
word persona—a person; because the parson is a person;
that is to say, he is in the parish decidedly " somebody." He
is sometimes called the rector or ruler, hut why, we cannot
tell; for there is no rule to account for it.
Formerly, the monasteries appropriated to themselves the
valuable part of a living, and contracted with some curate to
do the work; the monasteries acting then, much as the
" sweaters " do now, making a very good profit upon a task
which they gave a beggarly sum to another party to execute.
Henxy VIII., however, determined to sweat the monastic
sweaters; for, at the dissolution of monasteries, he swept
away the institutions, and pocketed the good things that
belonged to them. The Crown having afterwards granted
these things out to laymen, gave rise to what are called lay-
appropriations, hands having been laid upon them by those
who were most inappropriately possessed of them.
These appropriators used to get the duty done very cheap
by a vicar; and there being much competition among the
clergy, vicar's work was done on such very low terms, that
there was an alarming sacrifice of the interests of the parish¬
ioners. This led to an Act being passed to protect vicars, by
providing for their being better paid, and some of the smaller
tithes were settled on the vicar; who, on the principle of
" little fishes being sweet," no doubt eagerly clutched at
them.
The duties incumbent on a parson are first to act as the
incumbent, by living in the place where he has his living.
By a recent Act, a parson absenting himself from his parson¬
age for upwards of three months in a year, forfeits a third of
the value of his benefice, and so in proportion ; so that if he
F
66
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
stays away a whole year, he will have more to pay than to
receive, and thus realise the homely picture of the man who
is said to have won a shilling and lost eighteenpence.
There is only one way of becoming a parson or vicar, but
five at least of ceasing to continue so:—1st. By dying, or
going quite out, like an exhausted rushlight. 2nd. By taking
another and a better benefice, or, following the allegory of the
light, being removed from a japan to a plated candlestick.
3rd. By being made a bishop, or undergoing a sort of conver¬
sion from simple tallow to superior sperm. 4th. By resigna¬
tion, or, still pursuing the simile of the light, suddenly going
out, nobody knows why. And 5th. By deprivation, that is
to say, being deprived of one's benefice altogether, and expelled
from the clerical profession, which is like a gas lamp com¬
pletely cut off from the company's main.
A curate is the lowest grade in the church, for he is a sort
of journeyman parson, and several of them meet at a house of
call in St. Paul's Church Yard, ready to job a pulpit by the
day, and being in fact " clergymen taken in to bait" by the
landlord of the house alluded to.
From the clergy we come next to the churchwardens, who
keep the church, and represent the parish. They also keep
the accounts: and, in some cases, like that of Alderman
Gibbs, these accounts are so literally kept, that it is hard to
get hold of them. The churchwarden may keep order in the
ehurch; and if a boy giggles, it is the duty of the church¬
warden to frown, or even to kick the juvenile's shins, if he
should be near enough.
Parish clerks and sextons are also particularly regarded by
the common law, which must be very common to regard such
exceedingly common people. The parish clerk was formerly
often in holy orders, but any one may be a parish clerk, ex¬
cepting, by-the-by, Macbeth, who was utterly disqualified
for the post, inasmuch as he could not say " Amen," accord¬
ing to the authority of Shakspeare.
CHAPTER XII.
of the civil state.
The Civil State includes every one of the laity who does
not belong to the military or maritime state. But there are
some of the military, such as the sentinels on duty at the
Park, who are in a very civil state, when asked a civil
question.
The Civil State consists of the nobility and commonalty,
the former of which resembles, in some respects, "ginger
beer from the fountain," the Sovereign being the fountain
from which alone it is possible to draw nobility.
The Sovereign may invent any titles he pleases; but those
now in use are Dukes, Marquesses, Earls, Viscounts, and
Barons.
A Duke is derived from the Latin word dux, a military
leader ; and perhaps the practice of soldiers wearing dux or
ducks in the present day, has something to do with it. In
the time of Elizabeth, the order of Dukes became extinct;
but it was galvanised fifty years afterwards. A Marquess is
the next degree of nobility, and is so called from the Teutonic
word marche, a limit, because the Marquesses originally
watched the limits of the kingdom ; but whether they acted
as a sort of coast-guard, or as a police on the frontiers, or as
beadles to beat the bounds of the kingdom, we are wholly at
a loss to make up our minds about. An Earl is a title so
early, that it is impossible to trace its origin. It is supposed
that after the Norman conquest, William made Earls of those
who were the earliest to do him homage. The Saxons had
their Ealdormen, which got corrupted into Earldermen, or,
greater corruption still, into Aldermen. An Earl was at one
f 2
68
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
time called a Count, from an old Norman pun of the Con¬
queror, who said " he could Count upon his early friends
but, as the pun died off, the title was discontinued, leaving
nothing to keep it in remembrance hut the word County.
The Sovereign, in writs, always styles an earl his " trusty
and well-beloved cousin," a reason as old as Henry the Fourth,
who had really cousined, or cozened, all the Earls, and was
related to every one of them.
The next degree is that of Viscount, or vice-comes; which,
though we have turned on the gas of research from the main
of history, we are unable to throw a light upon.
The last, and most general degree of nobility, is that of
Baron, which was formerly so numerous, that the King sum¬
moned only the greater ones to the council of the nation, and
the others gradually became extinct, except the barony of
Nathan, the holder of which, though not enjoying a seat in
the peers, occupies a seat in or near the (Kennington)
Commons.
Peerages were formerly annexed to lands; and even now
there are some piers—such as those of Westminster-bridge—
which only exist by the hold they have upon the soil; but
this sort of tenure has now become very uncertain.
Peers are now created by writ or by patent; so that, when
a sheriff's officer serves a person with a writ, he is said to be
made a-ppear (a peer) by the writ being served on him. But
every one who is summoned by a writ is not ennobled, and
it is now usual to make peers by the batch.
Let us now examine the privileges of nobility, the first of
which is the right of being tried by one's peers, the last case
being that of Westminster-bridge, which, when tried by its
piers, was sentenced to have its head entirely removed, and
was so far disgraced as to be brought down to a lower level.
A peer or peeress cannot be arrested in civil cases. Peers
always give a verdict upon their honour; and there is some¬
thing, therefore, very aristocratic in the term," 'Pon honour!"
which is, probably, the reason why dandy footmen and shop-
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
69
boys, "out for the day," generally make use of it. A peer
cannot be deprived of his nobility, except by death or by
attainder; though, in the reign of Edward the Fourth, George
Neville, Duke of Bedford, was reduced to such a seedy state,
that he was degraded on account of his poverty. It is pro¬
bable that he attended Parliament in a cotton-velvet robe,
and a squirrel cape instead of real ermine ; while, instead of
the ducal coronet—irredeemably pledged, and the ticket out
of date—he sported a sort of theatrical property, made of
tinfoil and mother-of-pearl, cutting, in every respect, such a
very shabby figure that the peers, amid loud cries of " Turn
him out," got unceremoniously rid of him. The Act of Par¬
liament by which it was accomplished was termed an " Act
for Cutting the Tin Kettle from the tail of George Neville,
Duke of Bedford." It is said, that if a Baron wastes his
estate, the King may degrade him; but some Barons are in
the habit of degrading themselves, by wasting their estates,
without any interference of the Sovereign.
The first dignity beneath that of a Peer was a vidames, a
title so old, that antiquarians quarrel greatly as to what a
vidames was ; though they agree pretty well in believing that
such a thing as a vidames never existed. The first personal
dignity after the nobility is consequently now settled to be
that of a Knight of the Garter, instituted by Edward the Third
to preserve tidiness in the stockings of the aristocracy; a
point that has been beautifully kept in view by Shakspeare,
who makes Hamlet wear his stockings about his heels, until
he visits England, where it is supposed he has been invested
with the Garter, and he consequently always appears in the
last act with his silk hose properly adjusted.
Next comes a Knight Banneret, or a knight made by the
Sovereign in person on the field of battle ; so that, if a civil
war should break out in London, her Majesty might rush to
Lincoln's Inn-fields and manufacture knights bannerets. After
these come the Baronets, an order instituted by James the
First to raise money to meet a bill for the reduction of Ulster.
70
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
Next follow the Knights of the Bath, instituted by Henry the
Fourth, and so called from the ceremony of taking a hath the
night before their creation. This fact about the bath is given
on the authority of a case in Shower.
William the Fourth instituted a Guelphic order, and a few
knights were installed ;. but the instalments not being regu¬
larly kept up, the order expired.
Knights are called in Latin equites; and, indeed, all nations
call their knights by some name connected with a horse,
excepting the Scotch order of the Thistle, which seems to
show that the Scotch knights are akin to another and a much
more homely quadruped.
St. Patrick is the name of an Irish order; but St. Patrick's
day, particularly in the morning, is more associated with the
idea of dis-order than order; at least, it is generally con¬
sidered so.
The lowest order of knighthood is that of the Knights
Bachelors, the first of whom was Alfred's son, Athelstan, who
must have been a single young man ; and his wretched fate
proves that he was ultimately " taken in and done for."
" These," says Coke, " are all the names of dignitybut
Sir Edward confounds together Esquires and Gentlemen,
leaving the subject confoundedly obscure, according to the
usual custom of the quaint old jurist. It has been said, that
any one who wore coat armour was an Esquire; in which
case the supernumeraries at Drury-lane, clothed as they are
in block-tin dish-covers, must be considered Esquires while
engaged in the performance of Richard the Third, but no
longer. Camden, who was himself a herald, and blew the
trumpet vigorously for any one who paid him, makes four
degrees of Esquires. First, the eldest sons of knights, and
their eldest sons, in successional crops, like broad beans or
radishes. Second, the eldest sons of younger sons of peers,
and their eldest sons in like succession; so that Baron
Nathan's youngest son's eldest boy's firstborn male infant
would be an Esquire, supposing the Barony of Nathan to be
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
71
acknowledged as a branch of the tree of English aristocracy.
Third, Esquires created, like Baker's mangles, by patent.
Fourth, Esquires who are so called from holding a place of
trust under the Crown; but it is not decided whether the
waiter at the Crown and Anchor comes under this head, as
holding a place of trust under the Crown, the words " and
Anchor " being rejected as surplusage.
As for Gentlemen, says Sir Thomas Smith, they who can
live idly, and bear the port and charge of a gentleman—that
is to say, can pay what is charged for port, and sit idly over
it—shall be taken for a Gentleman. A Yeoman is one who
hath land that brings him in forty shillings a year; but semble
that a crossing, the sweeping of which produces forty shillings
a year, does not constitute the sweeper a Yeoman.
The rest of the community are tradesmen, artificers, and
labourers, who must all be styled, in legal proceedings, by
their estate or mystery; but the estates of most of., them
would be a mystery indeed to any one attempting to describe
them.
Such is the Civil State, which wre have stated as civilly as
circumstances will admit of.
CHAPTER XIII.
of the military and maritime states.
The Military State includes the whole of the soldiery from
the Commander-in-Chief down to the raw recruit, or the
private who has the honour of being stationed at the post of
Storey's-gate, who is alluded to by the poet, in the fine line—
" The post of honour is a private station."
In a free country, it is said that the soldier is an object of
jealousy, chiefly, we suppose, ou account of the impression
72
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
made by a red coat upon the fair sex. As to any other kind
of jealousy the soldier creates, we are certainly not aware of
it, unless it be the natural jealousy felt by a police-man at
the superiority of the steel bayonet over the wooden staff, and
the cartridge-box over the lantern. A soldier does not put off
the citizen when he becomes a soldier; and consequently
many of our gallant army whose wives are washerwomen,
carry out the clothes in time of peace, and others lend a
hand in the mangling—which, according to the old jurists, is
not out of character with their slaughtering propensities.
The laws of this country do not recognise a standing army ;
so that even, when on service, the soldiers are said to go to
the seat of war—thus showing that a standing army is never
contemplated.
All historians agree in declaring that Alfred invented the
Militia, when every man in the kingdom was a soldier ; and,
considering what sort of soldiers the militia usually are, we
should say that every man, woman, or child might have been.
In those days, the Dukes led the soldiers, and had such
power, that Duke Harold, although the wrongful heir, was
strong enough to push from off the throne one Edgar Athe-
ling, the rightful heir—an event, which if the Saxons had
had a taste for melo-drama, would have made a fine subject
for a piece, introducing " a grand combat of two "—includ¬
ing all the popular business of Harold cutting at Edgar
Atheling's toes, while Edgar Atheling jumped up exclaiming,
" No, you don't! " with a wink at the prime minister.
Then, of course, would have come the grand last movement
of clashing of swords together across the stage, till both
disappear at the wing, when Harold would have returned
alone, with both swords, in token of victory, and taken his
seat on the throne—in which position he might have been
" closed in " by the scene-shifters.
We have already, in a former chapter, spoken of the
necessity a Knight was under to go for a soldier in case of
war, but in peace the country was protected by a statute of
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
73
Henry the Second, making it obligatory on every man to
keep a certain quantity of arms ; but it does not appear
there was any law insisting on his knowing the use of them.
These persons were, however, now and then called out, arm&
and all; and it is presumed this was done, as Camden hints,
" to ennjoye a joyke at ye expennsse of ye people."
It is not, perhaps, generally known, that the whole of the
dreadful row between Charles the First and the people, arose
out of a dispute about the militia—the King pulling at them
one way and the Parliament the other. The militia all the
while was in those days just what it is in these—very indif¬
ferent.
After the restoration of Charles the Second, the King's
right to do what he liked with the militia was recognised ;
and there is still a remnant of them who rent a coal-shed at
Lancaster, which is called the depot, and from which three
corpulent sergeants—for they are all officers and no men—
would emerge in case of an invasion. During the election
riots, the Lancaster militia put itself under the protection of
the two policemen in the town ; but, in the glorious language
of the Constitution, " the militia are, after all, our great
defence against foreign aggression." " After all " means of
course, when every thing else had been tried ; and then, we
say, Let England throw herself into the arms of the three
sergeants at the coal-shed at Lancaster.
Besides the Militia, there is also the Yeomanry, who are
more often called into service, and have several times dis¬
tinguished themselves by keeping back the boys at proces¬
sions and on other public occasions. We had almost for¬
gotten to mention the Volunteers, who formerly had the
command of all the parochial engines, pumps, and fire-lad¬
ders. That these troops would have stood fire manfully
there can be no doubt, for their valour under an incessant
pelting of water, was frequently put to the test during
showers to which they were so often exposed, that it was
once in contemplation to add an umbrella to the regulation
74
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
bayonet. The Lumber Troop must not be forgotten, whose
last recorded exploit was an encounter with the landlord of
the public-house where the troop has its quarters.
Martial Law is a sort of law in which the military autho¬
rities do as they like with their own, and hang soldiers whole¬
sale for the sake of preserving discipline. This can only be
done in time of war; and it is now quite settled, that if a
lieutenant hang a private for the mere fun of the thing in
time of peace, it would be murder, for it is against Magna
Charta; so that it is fortunate for the heads of her Majesty's
Foot that Magna Charta was hit upon.
There is an annual Mutiny Act which provides for the
government of the army ; and, according to this, any soldier
shamefully deserting a post—such as walking away from the
lamp-post at Storey's-gate—or sleeping on the said post (he
must be a deuced clever fellow to manage that)—or giving
advice to a rebel (unless perhaps he advised a rebel to be off
about his business)—or making signs to the enemy (though
surely he might shake his fist at the foe)—would be liable to
any punishment, from death downwards to a drill, or from
the strong-room upwards to the scaffold.
There are, however, privileges belonging to the soldier,
such as the right of making a will when on actual service, by
merely saying how he wishes to dispose of his property; so
that, in the field of battle, if a soldier sees a cannon-ball
coming towards his head, he has only to say, " I give and
bequeath all I have to so and so ;" and if any of his com¬
rades should have heard what he said, and live to repeat it
and remember exactly what it was, there is no doubt that
the will would be a very good will in its way, and certainly
quite strong enough to convey as much property as would
probably be left by
" The soldier who lives on his pay,
And spends half-a-crown out of sixpence a day."
The Maritime State is the next topic we have to touch
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
75
upon ; and when we think of the glory of the Navy, the
valour of the British tar, the hearts of oak, and all the rest
of it, our timbers naturally begin to shiver, and we involun¬
tarily go through a sort of mental Naval hornpipe as a tribute
to the maritime prowess of Britannia, who has ruled the
waves, the whole waves, and nothing hut the waves, from
time immemorial.
The mode of manning the Navy is, in time of war, to
resort to the liberty of the press, or, in other words, to seize
hold of any one who comes in the way, and make " a heart
of oak" of him, whether his heart may he disposed to
sympathise with wainscoating or not, and to turn him at once
into a British tar, hy pitching him on board a vessel. Some
doubt has been thrown on the legality of impressment, but
Sir Michael Forster, who is a regular special pleader, makes
out that it must be a law, because it is mentioned in other
laws, though there is no law in existence to which the other
laws refer; and consequently, as A is to B, so is B to C,
which makes it as clear as A B C that A may B (e) pressed
to go to C whenever there is any occasion for his services.
Thus the power of impressment resides somewhere ; but
where that somewhere is, nobody knows; and, as we are
fortunately at peace, nobody thinks it worth while to inquire.
It has recently been enacted that no seaman shall serve more
than three years against his will, unless he is made to serve
longer, and then he must; so this boon to impressed seamen
helps them out of their difficulty much in the same way as
the Irishman lengthened his ladder, by cutting a bit from the
top and joining it on at the bottom.
The privileges of soldiers and seamen are great; for, if
the soldier loses his arms in battle, there is Chelsea Hospital
to lend him a hand; and a sailor who is deprived of both
his legs by a cannon-ball, has nothing to do but quietly to
walk into Greenwich.
CHAPTER XIV.
of master and servant.
Having commented on the people in their public relations,
we now come to private relations, including Master and
Servant, Husband and Wife,—which, by-the-by, is a relation
something like that of master and servant, for the wife is
often a slave to the husband,—Parent and Child, and Guar¬
dian and Ward—the latter being a sort of relationship which
is seen upon the stage, where a choleric old man with a stick
is always thwarting the affections of a young lady in white
muslin.
We shall begin with Master and Servant—showing how
such relationship is created and destroyed. There is now no
Such thing as pure and proper slavery in England ; so that a
servant of all-work who says, " Hang that door-bell,—I am a
perfect slave to it," has recourse to a fiction.
England is so repugnant to slavery, that directly a negro
sets his foot on English ground he is free ; but if he has lost
both his legs, he cannot of course put his foot on British soil,
and would remain a slave to circumstances. A menial servant
is so called from the word moenia, which signifies walls, and
arises probably from the practice of brushing down cobwebs
from the rrmnia, or walls, with a Turk's-head, or hair-broom.
The old doctrine of a month's wages or a month's warning is
always acted on in London, except when a servant refuses to
obey his master's orders, when it seems the master may give
the servant kicks—and kick him out—instead of halfpence.
Another species of servants are called Apprentices, from
the word apprendre, to learn ; and thus a barber's apprentice
learns to shave on the faces of poor people, who, in consider-
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
77
ation of their paying nothing, allow themselves to be practised
on by beginners who have never handled the razor.
Next come the Labourers, whose wages were formerly
settled by justices of the peace at session, or the sheriff; but
now the master settles the wages, or, if he does not settle, he
is a very shabby fellow for failing in doing so.
Stewards, Porters, and Bailiffs come next; but no one
would think of having a bailiff as his servant, unless there
were an execution in the house, and the bailiff were thrust
into livery to save appearances.
A master may correct his apprentice for negligence ; and if
a grocer's apprentice neglects to sand the sugar, the master
may give him the cane for neglecting his business.
A master may maintain or assist his servant in an action at
law ; and if one's footman happens to be a rightful heir in
disguise, the master may lend him the money to go to law
against the wrongful heir, for the purpose of recovering the
property.
A master may assault a man for assaulting his servant, on
the principle, probably, that in a row, as in everything else,
the more the merrier.
" If any person do hire my servant," says F. N. B. 167,
168—but whether F. N. B. is a policeman or what, it is
impossible to say, for we only find him alluded to in the books
as F. N. B. 167, 168—"if any person do hire my servant,"
says he, " I may have an action for damages against both the
new master and the servant, or either of them." This glorious
old privilege is rather obsolete, for we do not find the courts
much occupied in trying actions between ladies and gentlemen
and their late menials.
The master is amenable, to a certain extent, for the act of
his servant; and, therefore, if a servant commit a trespass by
order of his master—such as if a gentleman riding by a field
were to order his groom to jump over into it and pull up a
turnip—the master, though he did not eat the whole of the
turnip, or any of it, would be liable for the trespass. If an
78
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
innkeeper's servant rob a guest, the innkeeper is liable, on the
principle of like master like man; for the law very reasonably
thinks that, if the servant is a thief, the master very likely
may be.
If I usually pay my tradesman ready money, I am not
liable if he trusts my servant; but if I do not usually pay him
any money at all, then I am liable to pay the money—when
he can get it out of me. This is on the authority of Noy's
Maxims—and a maxim is always supposed to contain the
maximum of wisdom.
By an old statute, called " An Act for the better and more
careful use of the Frying-pan," it is provided that any servant
who sets the house on fire by carelessness shall forfeit 100£.,
or go to the workhouse, where they would forfeit so many
pounds of flesh by the spareness of the diet; but this Act,
savouring too much of the spirit of Shylock, is now seldom
acted on. A master is liable if anything is thrown from the
window of a house; but it has been decided that if a house
should be on fire, and a servant should throw himself on the
indulgence of the public, by jumping amongst the crowd and
should hurt any one, the master would not be liable, for this
would not be wilful damage.
If a pea-shooter be discharged from the garret, and the pea
enter the eye of a passenger, the pater-familias, or master of
the house, is, in the eye of the law, answerable for the pea in
the eye of the stranger; for it is a common-law right, inherent
in every one, to protect his own pupil.
Such are the leading features of the law of master and
servant. The modern tiger has not been regarded by the
ancient Constitution ; but we find in *Petersdorff's Abridg¬
ment a quaint allusion to the legs of footmen, some of whom,
he says, appear to be regularly calved out for the prominent
situations they occupy.
* Vide MS. marginal note, in pencil, in the author's, own copy of this
able work.
CHAPTER XV.
op husband and wife.
We now come to treat of Husband and Wife, and shall
inquire, first, how marriages may be made, which will be
interesting to lovers ; secondly, how marriages may be dis¬
solved, which will be interesting to unhappy couples; and
lastly, what are the legal effects of marriage, which will be
interesting to those who have extravagant wives, for whose
debts the husbands are liable.
To make a marriage three things are required ;—first, that
the parties will marry; secondly that they can ; and thirdly,
that they do; though to us it seems that if they do, it matters
little whether they will, and that if they will, it is of little
consequence whether they can ; for if they do, they do ; and
if they will, they must; because where there is a will there is
a way, and therefore they can if they choose; and if they
don't, it is because they won't, which brings us to the con¬
clusion, that if they do, it is absurd to speculate upon whether
they will or can marry.
It has been laid down very clearly in all the books, that in
general all persons are able to marry, unless they are unable,
and the fine old constitutional maxim, that " a man may not
marry his grandmother," ought to be written in letters of
gold over every domestic hearth in the British dominions.
There are some legal disabilities to a marriage, such as the
slight impediment of being married already; and one or
two other obstacles, which are too well known to require
dwelling on.
If a father's heart should happen to be particularly flinty,
a child under age has no remedy, but a stony guardian may
80
THE COMIC BLACKSTOJJE.
be macadamised by the Court of Chancery ; that is to say, a
marriage to which he objects may be ordered to take place, in
spite of him. Another incapacity is want of reason in either
of the parties ; but if want of reason really prevented a mar¬
riage from taking place, there would be an end to half the
matches that "are entered into.
A considerable deal of the sentiment attaching to a love
affair has been smashed by the 6th and 7th of William IV.,
c. 85, explained by the 1st of Victoria, c. 22,—for one Act is
always unintelligible until another Act is passed to say what
is the former's meaning. This statute enables a pair of ardent
lovers to rush to the office of the superintendant registrar,
instead of to Gretna Green; and there is no doubt that if
Romeo could have availed himself of the wholesome section
in the Act alluded to, Juliet need not have paid a premature
visit to the " tomb of all the Capulets."
Marriages could formerly only be dissolved by death or
divorce ; but the New Poor Law puts an end to the union
between man and wife directly they enter into a parochial
Union. Divorce, except in the instance just alluded to, is a
luxury confined only to those who can afford to pay for it;
and a husband is compelled to allow money—called ali-money
—to the wife he seeks to be divorced from. Marriages, it is
said, are made in Heaven, but unless the office of the registrar
be a little paradise, we don't see how a marriage made before
that functionary can come under the category alluded to.
A husband and wife are one in law—though there is often
anything but unity in other matters. A man cannot enter
into a legal agreement with his wife, but they often enter into
disagreements which are thoroughly mutual. If the wife be
in debt before marriage, the husband, in making love to the
lady, has been actually courting the cognovits she may have
entered into; and if the wife is under an obligation for which
she might be legally attached, the husband finds himself the
victim of an unfortunate attachment. A wife cannot be sued
without the husband, unless he is dead in law ; and law is
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
81
really enough to be the death of any one. A husband or a
wife cannot be witness for or against one another, though a
wife sometimes gives evidence of the bad taste of the husband
in selecting her.
A wife cannot execute a deed ; which is, perhaps, the
reason why Shakspeare, who was a first-rate lawyer, made
Macbeth do the deed, which Lady Macbeth would have done
so much better, had not a deed done by a woman been void
to all intents and purposes.
- By the old law, a husband might give, his wife moderate
correction; but it is declared in black and white that he may
not beat her black and blue, though the civil law allowed any
man on whom a woman had bestowed her hand, to bestow his
fists upon her at his own discretion. The common people,
who are much attached to the common law, still exert the
privilege of beating their wives ; and a woman in the lower
ranks of life, if she falls in love with a man, is liable, after
marriage, to be a good deal struck by him.
Such are the chief legal effects of marriage, from which it
is evident, says Brown, that the law regards the fair sex with
peculiar favour ; but Smith maintains that such politeness on
the part of the law, is like amiability from a hyaena—an
animal that smiles benignantly on those whom it means
mischief to.
CHAPTER XVI.
of parent and child.
We now come to the tender subject of parent and child,
which Shakspeare has so tenderly touched upon in many of
his tragedies. Macduff calls his children " chickens," pro¬
bably because he "broods" over the loss of them; and
Werner, in Lord Byron's beautiful play of that name, exclaims
to Gabor, " Are you a father 1" a question which, as the
g
82
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
Hungarian was a single man, he could not have answered in
the affirmative without rendering himself amenable to the
very stringent provisions of the 45th of Elizabeth.
Children are of two sorts—boys and girls : though the
lawyers still further divide them into legitimate and illegi¬
timate.
The duties of a parent are maintenance and education; or,
as Coke would have expressed it, grub and grammar. That
the father has a right to maintain his child is as old as
Montesquieu—we mean, of course, the rule, not the child or
the parent is as old as Montesquieu—whose exact age, by the
bye, we have no means of knowing.
Fortunately, the law of nature chimes in with the law of
the land ; for, though there is a game, called " None of my
child," in which it is customary to knock an infant about
from one side of the room to the other, still there is that
natural (rropyri in the parental breast that fathers and mothers
are for the most part willing to provide for their offspring.
The civil law will not allow a parent to disinherit his child
without a reason ; of which reasons there are fourteen, though
there is one reason, namely, having nothing to leave, which
causes a great many heirs to be amputated, or cut off, even
without the ceremony of performing the operation, with a
shilling. Our own law is more civil to parents than the civil
law, for in this country children are left to Fate and the
Quarter Sessions, which will compel a father, mother, grand¬
father, or grandmother, to provide for a child, if of sufficient
ability. If a parent runs away, that is to say, doth spring
off from his offspring, the churchwardens and overseers may
seize his goods and chattels, and dispose of them for the
maintenance of his family; so that, if a man lodging in a
garret leaves nothing behind him, that must be seized for the
benefit of the deserted children. By the late Poor Law Act,
a husband is liable to maintain the children of his wife,
whether legitimate or illegitimate; and we would there¬
fore advise all " persons about to marry," that though it is
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
83
imprudent to count one's chickens before they are hatched,
still it is desirable that chickens already hatched, and not
counted on, should be rigidly guarded against.
It being the policy of our laws to promote industry, no
father is bound to contribute to a child's support more than
twenty shillings a month, which keeps the child continually
sharp set, and is likely to promote the active growth of the
infantine appetite.
Our law does not prevent a father from disinheriting his
child; a circumstance which has been invaluable to our
dramatists, who have been able to draw a series of delightful
stage old men, who have a strong hold on the filial obedience
of the walking ladies and gentlemen, who dare not rush into
each other's arms, for fear of the old gentleman in a court
coat and large shoe-buckles being unfavourable to the youth
in ducks, or the maiden in muslin. Heirs are especial
favourites of our courts of justice—much as the lamb is the
especial favourite of the wolf—for an heir with mint sauce,
that is to say, with lots of money, is a dainty dish indeed to
tempt the legal appetite.
A parent may protect his child; and thus, if one boy batters
another boy, the parent of the second boy may batter the first
boy, and the battery is justifiable, for such battery is in the
eye of the law only the working of parental affection; though
it is rather awkward for parental affection to take a pugilistic
turn in its extraordinary zeal to show itself.
The last duty of a parent is to educate a child, or to initiate
him into the mysteries of Mavor at an early period. Learn¬
ing is said to be better than houses and land—probably
because it opens a wide field for the imagination—that Cubitt
of the mind—to build upon.
The old Romans, says Hale, used to be able to kill their
children; but he adds that " the practysse off cuttinge offe
one's own hair was thougghte barber-ous." This atrocious
pun reminds us of the cruelty of a certain dramatist of modern
times, who used to write pieces and take his own children to
g 2
84
•THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
see them, thereby submitting his own offspring to the most
painful ordeal, for they were compelled to sit out the whole
performance, and were savagely pinched if they fell asleep,
while they were, at the same time, expected to laugh and
look cheerful at every attempt at a joke which their unna¬
tural father had ventured to perpetrate. In conformity with
the maxim that " paterna potestas in pietate debet non in
atrocitate consistere," it is believed that a child in such a
dreadful position as that which we have alluded to, might
claim to be released by his next friend, for the time being,
the box-keeper.
A parent may correct his child with a rod or a cane—a
practice originally introduced to encourage the growers of
birch, and to protect the importers of bamboo, as well as to
promote the healthy tingling of the juvenile veins; and a
schoolmaster, who is in loco parentis, is also empowered to
do the like by an old Act of Parliament, known as the statute
of Wapping.
Children owe their parents support; but this is a mutual
obligation, for they must support each other—though we
sometimes hear them declaring each other wholly unsup-
portable.
Illegitimate children are such as are born before wedlock;
being, like Richard the Third, " sent before their time into
this breathing world and though there is a fine maxim, to
the effect of its being " better late than never," it is, in some
cases, better to be late than too early. They are said to be
nullius filii, or nobody's children; but so many people are
now the children of mere nobodies, that all the old prejudices
on this point against innocent parties are becoming quite
obsolete, as they ought to be.
There is now no distinction between the two kinds we
have named, except that one cannot inherit, and the other
can; but some of those who can can't, and some of those
who can't are enabled to do what is far better—namely, to
give instead of taking.
CHAPTER XVII.
of guardian and ward.
A guardian is a sort of temporary parent to a minor,—a
kind of tarpaulin thrown over the orphan to shield him from
the storms of life during his infancy—or, if we may use an
humbler illustration, a guardian is a kind of umbrella, put
up by the law over the ward, to keep off the pelting of the
pitiless storm till the years of discretion are arrived at.
There are various kinds of guardians, such as guardians by
nature, and guardians for nurture, who are of course the
parents of the child; for if an estate he left to an infant, the
father is guardian, and must account for the profits ; but as
the father can control the child's arithmetical studies, it is
easy for the latter to he brought up in blessed ignorance of
accounts, and thus the parent may easily mystify the child
when the profits of the estate are to be accounted for. The
mother is the guardian for nurture; that is to say, she is
expected to nurse the infant, and the law being very fond of
children requires the mother to look to the infantine ward¬
robe. It also invests her -with absolute power over the milk
and water, and the bread and butter, making her a compe¬
tent authority—from which there is no appeal—on all points
of nursery practice.
Next comes the guardian in socage—so called, perhaps,
from the quaint notion that guardianship generally extends to
those who wear socs—or socks—which is further borne out
by the fact that guardianship in socage ceases when the child
is fourteen years old—which is about the age when socks are
relinquished in favour of stockings. These guardians in
86
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
socage are such as cannot inherit an estate to which a child
is entitled, for Coke says that to commit the custody of an
infant to him who is next in succession, is " quasi agnum
committere lupo" to hand over the lamb to the wolf, and
thus says Fortescue, in one of those rascally puns for which
the old jurists were infamous, " the law, wishing the child
to escape from the lupo has left a loop-hole to enable him to
do so." Selden has cleared this pun of a good deal of its
ambiguity by changing the word lupo into loop-ho, but Chitty
and all the later writers are utterly silent regarding it.
By the 12th of Charles II. confirmed by 1st Victoria, any
father may appoint, by will, a guardian to his child till the
latter is twenty-one ; but it is twenty to one whether such a
guardian—called a testamentary guardian—will be able to
exercise proper control over the infant.
Guardians in chivalry have been abolished, and so have -
the guardians of the night, who on the lucus a non Iwendo
principle, were called watchmen, from the fact of their never
watching.
The Lord Chancellor is the general guardian of all infants,
and especially of idiots and lunatics, for as Chancery drives
people mad, it is only right that Chancery should take care
of those who are afllicted with insanity, and who may be
called the natural offspring of equity.
Having disposed of the guardians, let us come to the
wards, or, as Coke would say, " having got rid of the wolf,
let us discuss the lamb in an amicable spirit." A male at
twelve years of age may take the oath of allegiance; but
this does not apply to all males, for the Hounslow mail* can
take nothing but two insides and the letters. At fourteen a
boy may marry if he can find any one fool enough to have
him; and at twenty-one he may dispose of his property, so
* The learning on the subject of the Hounslow Mail is fast becoming
obsolete, a regular mail-cart having been recently substituted for the cab
that previously carried it.
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE. 87
that he may throw himself away seven years sooner than he
can throw away his money. By the law of England a girl
may be given in marriage at seven, but surely this must
mean the hour of the day at which she may be married, and
not the age at which the ceremony may be performed.
Formerly, children might make their wills at fourteen, but
as they could not be expected to have a will of their own, it
has been enacted that no will made by a person u,nder twenty-
one shall be valid. Among the Greeks and Romans, women
were never of age, and if they had their way in this country
a good many, of them never would be. This law must have
been the civil law, for its consideration towards the fair sex
en a matter of so much delicacy as a question of age betokens
extreme civility. When this wore away, the Roman law was
so civil as to regard them as infants till they were five-and-
• twenty—which was meeting the ladies half-way by treating
them as little innocents for the first quarter of a century of
their precious existences.
Infants have various privileges, such as the common law
privilege of jumping over the posts at the corners of the
streets, and playing at hop-scotch or rounders in retired
neighbourhoods. Another infantine privilege is the juvenile
amusement of going to law, which a child may do by his
guardian or his prochein amy, or next friend—though, by the
bye, he must be a pretty friend who would help another into
a law-suit. A child may certainly be hanged at fourteen,
and certainly may not be hanged at seven, but the interme¬
diate period is one of doubt whether the infant culprit is
hangable. Hale gives two instances of juvenile executions
in which two infant prodigies were the principal characters.
One was a girl of thirteen, who was burned for killing her
mistress ; and the other a boy still younger, who, after mur¬
dering one of his companions by a severe hiding, proceeded
to hide himself, and was declared in legal language, doli
capax*—up to snuff—or, to follow the Norman jurists, en
haut du tabac, and hanged accordingly. It is a fine maxim of
88
the comic blackstone.
the English law, that an infant shall not lose by laches, or,
in other words, that the stern old doctrine of no askee no
havee does not apply to a child who is entitled to something
which he neglects asking for.
An infant cannot bind himself, but he may be " stitched
in a neat wrapper "—that is to say, a Tweedish wrapper—at
his own cost, if he thinks proper to go and pay ready money
for it. An infant cannot convey away his own estate, but
he may run through his own property as fast as he likes, for
if he has a field he may run across it—in at one end and out
at the other—whenever he feels disposed for it. An infant
trustee may convey an estate that he holds in trust for
another person, though he may not be a party in a convey¬
ance on his own account, yet he may, nevertheless, join a
party in a public conveyance, such as an omnibus. An
infant may present a clerk to the Bishop, but if the Bishop
don't like the clerk, he may turn upon his heel; but still
the presentation does not fall by lapse into the laps of the
Bishop. An infant may bind himself for necessaries, such
as food and physic ; thus, if he gives a draft to pay for a pill,
or contracts with a butcher to supply what is requisite and
meet, he will be clearly liable.
In weighing the disabilities and privileges of infants, we
come to the conclusion, that, to every six of one, there will
be about half-a-dozen of the other.
CHAPTER XVIII.
OF CORPORATIONS.
In addition to natural persons, the law, in honourable
emulation of Madame Tussaud, of wax-work notoriety, has
constituted certain artificial persons. These are called bodies
politic, bodies corporate, or corporations, and they stick
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
89
together like wax, in which respect they bear a still closer
resemblance to the artificial persons in Madame Tussaud's
collection.
Corporations are either aggregate or sole. When aggregate
they consist of many, such as the mayor and common council-
men of a city—and precious common councilmen some of
them are; the head and fellows of a college—nice fellows
some of them are also ; and the dean and chapter of a cathe¬
dral church, which endures, of course, until the end of the
chapter. Corporations sole consist of one person 'and his
successors, such as a king, or a bishop, or a parson. This is
the origin of the doctrine that the king never dies; for it is
always, as the boys say, " One down and another come on,"
so that in fact the throne, like the curds and whey house at
Hyde Park Corner, is never vacant. " The parson," says
Coke, " quatenus parson shall never die," and the same may
be said of the street-keeper, who, quatenus street-keeper,
enjoys official immortality. The glorious old constitutional
watchword of " Never say die," probably has its origin in the
circumstance hinted at.
Another division of corporations is into ecclesiastical and
lay; the former being spiritual, such as bishops and parsons
in the present day, and formerly monks, abbots, or priors;
but it is doubtful whether the priors were prior to the monks.
Lay corporations are such as the society of antiquaries, for
the study of antiquities ; and of course the members are ex¬
pected to be well up in all the old jokes, which are better
known as the " ryghte merrie mysteries of Miller." There
are also eleemosynary corporations, such as hospitals, where
legs are amputated gratis, from those poor persons who would,
otherwise he thrown upon their own hands for surgical
attendance.
Having described the various kinds of corporations, we
shall now ask:—first, how they are made; secondly, what
they can do; thirdly, how they are visited; and fourthly,
how they may be dissolved or got rid of.
90
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
A corporation is made by the sovereign, who uses the
words " Creamus, erigimus, fundamus, incorporarrms," and
the sovereign is guilty of the grossest tautology in doing so.
A corporation must have a name, and Romeo, therefore, when
he asks " What's in a name 1" betrays a frightful ignorance
of the beautiful passage in Gilb. Hist. C. P. 182, where it is
prettily laid down that the name is the knot by which a cor¬
poration is combined, and without the knot it is not a corpo¬
ration at all—" a point," says Coke, " that is by the mass a
knotty one."
We come, secondly, to the rights and powers of a corpora¬
tion ; the first of which is the right of perpetual succession ;
for as every man has a right to live till he dies, so every cor¬
poration has a right to exist till its existence ceases. This
indeed is said to be the very end for which corporations were
established ; that is to say, their very endlessness is the end
they are designed to answer. Thirdly, they may sue, or be
sued; quod or be quodded; grant or receive, give or take,
borrow or lend; and, in fact, do as they please with their
own just like other people. A corporation may have a com¬
mon seal, by which it is bound; for though the members may
pass their words, it matters not what they' say till the
corporation sealing-wax renders it incumbent on' them to
stick to it. A corporation may make by-laws; but these
by-laws, by the by, may have the go-by given to them if they
are contrary to the law of the land—a rule which is as old as
the twelve tables of Rome ; but we forget the date of those
dozen specimens of classic mahogany. We have, however,
done wisely in taking a leaf out of the tables alluded to.
A corporation has some disabilities, and is incapable for
instance of being committed toprison, for there can be no
catchee where there is actually no havee. A corporation
is prevented from purchasing lands without a licence from
the sovereign, by certain acts called the statutes of Mortmain,
which means a dead hand, probably from the fact that these
corporations were dead hands at making a bargain.
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
91
Our next inquiry is " How may these corporations be
visited 1 " a question that would seem to need a reference to
the book of etiquette, for when we talk of a corporation being
visited, we allude, of course, to its liability to be called upon.
The sovereign is the visitor of the archbishop ; and we pre¬
sume that the bell at Lambeth palace, with the brass plate
beneath it, inscribed with the word " Visitors," is for the
exclusive use of royalty. Lay corporations are said to have
no visitors, and the present lord mayor of London (Magnay)
appears to value this exemption, for he never asks any one to
dine with him.
An eleemosynary corporation may be visited by the founder
and his heirs, so that any genuine guy may leave his card as
a visitor at Guy's Hospital.
We will consider, lastly, how corporations may be dis¬
solved, for even the goodly pearl is capable of dissolution in
the gem-destroying vinegar. A corporation may be dissolved
by civil death, but no uncivil death—such as murder—can
put an end to it. It may be extinguished by act of parlia¬
ment, or, in other words, by the law, which is as it were
dissolving a corporation in hot water ; by surrender, which
is a sort of suicidal exit, when the corporation asks itself the
question, " to be or not to be V and prefers the latter ; or,
thirdly, by forfeiture of its charter through negligence or abuse,
which formed a pretext in the reigns of Charles and James
the Second for seizing the charter of the city of London.
This led to an act being passed after the Revolution, enacting
that the franchises of London shall never more be forfeited
for any cause whatsoever, and thus the lord mayor and cor¬
poration have a carte blanche for any amount of foolery,
a privilege that they one and all, in turn, take unlimited
advantage of.
In the foregoing chapters we have given an account of the
rights of persons, which are equally the privilege of the peer
and the pot-boy, the gallant soldier, the sailor, the tinker, the
tailor, the ploughboy, the apothecary, and the thief. May the
92
THE COMIC BLACKSTONE.
pride of the first never disdain the humble merit of the
second ; and may the valour of the third and fourth, added to
the industry of the fifth and sixth, ameliorate the condition
of the seventh ; while oh ! may the healing art of the eighth
restore, in a moral sense, the degraded ninth to that position,
which in accordance with the rights of persons, any person
has a right to occupy.
end of part i.
LONDON :
BRADBURY AND EVANS, PRINTERS, WHITKFKIA RS.
TfS TOILOWXNC ARB THE OlfflY WORKS
PUBLISHED //
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Bv " The Writer* >»t PUNCH:
PUNCH,; or, THE LONDON CHARIVARI, Published Weekly, price 3d.;
01 fcvVlnipeil, id. Also, Vols. I. to V.
PU. -Ipi LLMA.N'ACK FOE '>2
1843 • . > .
] 1844 *
PUNCH'S »'A i.E.YTlNKS FOR 1842 .
PUNCH'S LIONS OP LONDON
l'UNOL'S GUIDE TO THE WATERING PLACES
PUNCH'S LETTERS TO HIS SON
» •
THE STORY OF A FEATHER ....
THE COMIC BLACXSTONE
PUNCH'S POCKET BOOK TOR 1843
S. . _____ 1844 .
A SHIRTING'S WORTH OF NONSENSE .
price 3d.
price 3d.
price 3d.
price 3d.
price 3d.
price 3d.
price 5s.
price 5s.
price 2s. 3d.
price St. 3d.
price 2s. 3d.
price H.
LONDON:
1 cl.bsLed lit tLe Punch office, l!»4, Strand ; and Sold bv all Bo.r>l*selleis.
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V
[Bmilbv.ry & Evans, Printers, Whitetriar. j