BEST FO<
Manuscript, Archives,
and Rare Book Library
EMORY UNIVERSITY
Groata
Groats and Milk forms a
Perfect Diet, and is much
more appetising than
that made from Oatmeal.
KEEN, ROBINSON & CO., LTD., LONDON,
MANUFACTURERS OF "KEEN'S MUSTARD."
BORWICKs
BAKING
POWDER
PERFECTLY
PURE AND
WHOLESOME.
Insist on having BORW! CK' Sf
which is FREE from Alum, and
the Best that Money can buy.
Twelfth] Routledge's Railway Library Advertiser. \ffisue.
FROM DAWN TILL SUNSET.
Use is Life, and He Most Truly Lives Who Uses Best.
Tlie Blacksmith's Arm and The Statesman's Brain.
The most truly Living Body is
the most active in Decay; the
more bodily and mental vigour
are displayed, the more quickly
do the various tissues melt
down into substances which are
without delay removed by the
excreting organs. The more the
Blacksmith Works his Arms und
the Statesman his Brain, the
heavier bulk of carbon, nitro-
gen, oxygen, and hydrogen is
thrown out by the lungs, liver,
skin, and kidneys. Do they then
wear them out by this constant
friction and drain? No, no—
the more the bricks are re-
moved, from the old wall, the
more new bricks will a good
builder put in; and so, pro-
vided that the supply is suffi-
cient- that the builder is a good
one—the more rapid the drain
the newer and stronger and
better the body will become.
The Renewal of Life. The Want of Nutriment is the Cause of Disease.
MILK THE ONLY PERFECT HUMAN BUILDER.
As Milk is the only perfect food, the above facts prove the importance of Milk when
sipped hot, when you have drawn an overdraft on the bank of Life. l£ot Milk is the only
True Food for the prevention of disease, INFLUENZA, SLEEPLESSNESS, &e., &c.;
(premature death) in any form of Physical or Mental Strain use Hot Milk and Ena's
" Fruit. Salt" as occasion may require to cause a Natural flow of Healthy Bile (a New
Life). By the means of Eno's " £ruit Salt" the Hot Milk will agree, which otherwise
j might produce biliousness, &c.
ENO'S "FRUIT SALT" is the best and simplest preparation for regulating the
action of the liver that has yet been discovered. It prevents diarrhoea. It removes effete
gouty, rheumatic matter, or any form of poison from the blood. No one should go for a
change of air without a supply of this invaluable preparation.
From the late Rev. J. W.NEIL, Holy Trinity Church, North Shields. "November 1, 1S73. Dear Sir,—
As an illustration of the beneficial effects of your 'FRUIT SALT,' I can have no hesitation in giving you
particulars of the case of one of my friends. His whole life was clouded by the want of vigorous health, and
to such an extent did the sluggish action of the liver and its concomitant bilious headache affect him, that he
was obliged to live upon only a few articles of diet, and to be most sparing in their use. This uncomfortable
and involuntary asceticism, while it probably alleviated his sufferings, did nothing in effecting a cure,
although persevered in for some twenty-five years, and also, to my knowledge, consulting very eminent
members of the faculty, frequently even going to town for that purpose. By the use of your simple ' FRUIT
SALT,' however, he now enjoys the vigorous health he so long coveted; he has never had a headaohe nor
constipation since he commenced to use it, about six months ago, and can partake 6f his food in such a hearty
manner as to afford, as you may imagine, great satisfaction to himself and friends. There are others known
to me to whom your remedy has been so beneficial in various kinds of complaints, that I think you may very
well extend its use, both for your own interests, and pro bono publico. I find myself that it makes a very
refreshing and exhilarating drink.—I remain, dear Sir, yours faithfully, J. W. NEIL.—To J. C. ENO, Esq."
ENO'S " FRUIT SALT " contains the valuable saline constituents of ripe fruit, and
is absolutely essential to the healthy action of the animal economy. To travellers, emi-
grants, sailors, or residents in tropical climates it is invaluable. By its use the blood is
kept pure, and fevers and epidemics prevented.
IT OUGHT TO BE KEPT IN EVERY BEDROOM IN READINESS FOR ANY EMERGENCY.
Only Truth can give true reputation. Only Reality can be of real profit.
THE SECRET OF SUCCESS.—Sterling Honesty of Purpose. Without it, Life is a Sham.
CAUTION. Examine each Bottle, and see the Capsule is marked ENO'S " FRUIT SALT."
Without it, you have been imposed on by a worthless imitation. Sold by all Chemists.
Prepared only at Eno's " Fruit Salt" Works, London, S.E., by J. C. Eno's Patent.
Twelfth] Routledge's Railway Library Advertiser. [Issue.
"Whalebone Cottage, Brighton, South Australia.
"September 18th, 1893.
" Dear Sir,—By tlie present mail I am sending you a photo of our hoy Otho. After
trying other ' Foods,' at three months he was less than when he was horn, and'no one thought
he would live. We were then recommended to try your Food. The improvement was soon
apparent, and he has had nothing the matter with him since. His flesh is very firm, and a
healthier child it would he hard to find. When the photo was taken he was eleven months
old, and weighed 26 lbs.
" I shall always have a very high opinion of your Food, as when he was very ill, and
could retain nothing else, your Food acted like a charm. I shall always recommend ' Mellin's
Food' when I have an opportunity, as I am quite sure it saved the little fellow's life.
" Yours very truly, SAMUEL PENTELOW."
MELLIN'S EMULSION
OF COD LIVER OIL
Cures Coughs and Colds. Invaluable for Bronchitis, etc.
For Children and Adults.
Price 2s. 6d. and 4s. 6d. per Bottle. Sample size Is.
Samples, Pamphlet, and Prospectus Post Pree on Application to
MELLIN'S FOOD WORKS, Peckham, London, S.E.
SOMETHING OCCURRED
BY
B. L. FARJEON
author of "grif," t; great porter square ''
"in a silver sea/ etc. etc.
" There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.''
Shakespeare.
LONDON
GEORGE ROUTLEDGE AND SONS, LIMITED
BROADWAY, LUDGATE HILL
MANCHESTER AND NEW YORK
1894
CONTENTS.
page
CHAPTER I.
Life is not altogether a Jar of Honey 1
CHAPTER II.
A New "Way to pay Old Debts 14
CHAPTER III.
The Genius of the Utterly Absurd 25
CHAPTER IV.
Most Extraordinary 38
CHAPTER V.
Each Other's Heads 49
CHAPTER VI.
Priscilla does not know what to make of it 59
CHAPTER VII.
Harold thinks of an Ingenious Plan 71
CHAPTER VIII.
Crumbs gets into Trouble, and Edwina smokes Her
First Cigar 85
iv
CONTENTS.
PAGE
CHAPTER IX.
After the Transformation Scene 100
CHAPTER X.
Constable 317, X Division 113
CHAPTER XI.
Thanksgiving Day 121
CHAPTER XII.
Mrs. Crumbs opens Her Shop 137
CHAPTER XIII.
Harold and Edwina take the Second Pinch 149
CHAPTER XIV.
Mrs. Markleby's Ball 164
CHAPTER XV.
Crumbs gives Harold and Edwina Some Disagree-
able News — 180
CHAPTER XVI.
Aunt Plummer speaks Her Mind 187
CHAPTER XVII.
An Exciting Day 201
CHAPTER XVIII.
Aunt Plummer and the Doll
214
CONTENTS. V
PAGE
CHAPTER XIX.
More Startling than Ever 224
CHAPTER XX.
Aunt Plummer has Another Adventure 236
CHAPTER XXI.
An Entertainment in the Kitchen 249
CHAPTER XXII.
A Day op Delight 266
CI APTER XXIII.
Unto These and Such as These 276
CHAPTER XXIV.
The Last Pinch op Snufp 287
CHAPTER XXV.
More Extraordinary than Ever 297
CHAPTER XXYI.
Constable 317's Opinion op Ogres 316
CHAPTER XXVII.
In which Everybody is Happy Forever After 322
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
CHAPTER I.
life is not altogether a jar of honey.
Edwina and Harold had been married just one day
short of a year, and if their happiness was not perfect
it ought to have been. They had everything in their
favor—youth, good health, a moderate fortune, and as
pretty a home as heart could wish. Theirs was a love
match, and no cloud had dimmed the sweetness of court-
ship and honeymoon, which latter they declared was not
yet over and never would be over, their firm belief be-
ing that it would last as long as they lived. Talk of
the course of true love never running smooth ! Here
was a conspicuous instance of the absurdity of the prov-
erb; but, to be sure, there is many another proverb
quife as false and ridiculous. The young couple were
quoted by friends and acquaintances as shining exam-
pies of connubial bliss. " Look at Edwina and Harold,"
said their intimate friends; " did you ever see such
constancy, such devotion 1" " Look at Mr. and Mrs.
Sparling," said others not so intimate; " there's a pat-
tern for you! " In the entire circle of their acquaint-
ance there were probably only three persons who did
not agree with this verdict. The first was Mr. Reginald
2
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
Paradox, the second was Miss Elizabeth Mixture, the
third was Aunt Plummer; but as Mr. Paradox was said
to be desperately in love with Edwina before she became
engaged to Harold, and as Miss Mixture was said to be
breaking her heart for Harold before he became en-
gaged to Edwina, their opinions were open to suspicion.
As for Aunt Plummer, it was well known what she
was; there were people who declared her to be "a
caution," so you may guess what her opinion was worth.
" The happiest couple in the world," everybody else
said.
And yet, and yet Yes, that is always the way.
There is always a "but," or a "yet," or a something
else of the cold-water order to block the road, even
with the best and most favored of mortals, and to this
rule Edwina and Harold were not an exception. It
had nothing whatever to do with their feelings for each
other, which were as tender and fond as it is possible
for feelings to be. But the fact is, they were not good
managers. There was no pretense beforehand; no
deception had been practiced, and there had been no
sailing under false colors. Said Edwina to Harold in
the days of their courtship :
"lam afraid you will be disappointed with me when
I am all your own."
" When you are all my own, darling," Harold replied,
" I shall be wedded to perfection."
Her head lying in a convenient position, she whispered
in his ear, in the tone of a child ruefully confessing a
fault, " Harold, dear, I am not perfection. I am veiy,
very ignorant. I don't know anything about butcher's
meat; you will have to tell me."
" Of course I will tell you, love," said Harold; and
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
3
as lie knew as much about butcher's meat as she did,
you may imagine what a fine time their butcher had of
it. In this connection it may be said that they wal-
lowed in fat, though they both detested it. Neither of
these innocent creatures could tell whether a joint set
before them was lamb, or beef, or mutton, or whether
it was a leg or a shoulder; and as for ribs and fore-
quarters, the less said about them the better. They
made wild guesses, it is true, and invariably came to
grief. Harold was a most extraordinary and original
carver. Carving-knife and fork in hand he would look
at the meat with amiable sternness, as much as to say,
"I'm not going to stand any of your nonsense, you
know," and then he would turn to the maid who was
waiting to hand the plates and say in a gentle, persua-
sive voice:
"Priscilla, don't let us keep you from your work.
You must have a great deal to do downstairs."
Upon which Priscilla, thoroughly understanding the
matter, would step demurely to the door and. close it
behind her.
The moment she was gone Harold would glide to
the door and turn the key, very softly, so that the sound
should not be heard in the passage. Resuming his
place at the table, he would consult Edwina, and they
would study the joint and have discussions of a most
amusing nature, which it was a pity the editor of Punch
was not present to hear. During these discussions
Harold would make experiments upon the joint, trying
first one end, then the other, then the middle, then the
back, then the front, until the table-cloth was a perfect
lake of gravy. They were sometimes so embarrassed
by the result (which, by the way, did not in the least
4
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
affect their appetites) that, for the sake of appearances,
they would wrap bits of the mangled remains in news-
papers and secretly get rid of them, burying them in
the garden when the servants had gone to bed, or taking
a walk in the evening and dropping them in secluded
places when nobody was looking—walking from the
spot very quickly when the deed was done, and con-
versing in light tones about the theaters or the weather,
to deceive the passers-by. The singular disappearance
of so many pounds of meat caused remarks in the
kitchen, especially when Edwina and Harold were so
forgetful as to dispose of large bones in the same man-
ner. Their embarrassment, however, did not prevent
them from deriving a great deal of enjoyment from
their blunders; in the midst of her confusion and her
sympathy for Harold, Edwina would go into 'shrieks
of laughter, and he would follow suit. Anybody not
accustomed to their peculiar ways might have supposed
that they were really proud of their ignorance. So
that you will not be surprised to hear that their domes-
tic life was full of fun, and that they got along beauti-
fully together, never finding fault with each other, and
never having the nearest approach to a difference.
Had it not been for that "And yet," their nest would
have been simply a heavenly bower.
The truth was that they found that their moderate
fortune, which had been left to them by Edwina's good-
natured Uncle Theophilus, was just a trifle too moder-
ate to gratify all their modest wishes. It is always so
When you are settled in a house you could always do
with another room, and if you have a thousand a year
you feel that a couple of hundred more would enable
you to live as you ought to live. If your income were
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
5
five thousand instead of one, it would be precisely the
same. There is ever something wanting in this life of
ours. How is it, I wonder ?
The good-natured uncle could have left them more
•than a freehold house and seven hundred a year, be-
cause he had more to leave, but he entertained a theory
that young people can have too much, and that they
ought to employ their time in doing something useful.
" Life is not altogether a jar of honey," he said to
Edwina and Harold shortly before his death. " There
are lessons to learn, and you must learn them."
"Yes, Uncle Theophilus," they replied, "of course
we will learn them. That is why we are going to get
married."
He smiled and patted Edwina's cheek, and repeated
(twice) thoughtfully, "Not altogether a jar of honey,
not altogether a jar of honey. The sun does not shine
every day. Love is the soul of existence, but the body
must be looked after. Take me for an example. Did
my fortune drop into my pockets from the clouds ? No
—I had to work for it. I am not preaching a sermon,
you know."
"No, dear uncle," said Edwina, with delightful sim-
plicity, " sermons are only preached on Sundays, and
this is Thursday."
" All work and no play," continued Uncle Theophilus,
"makes Jack a dull boy, and all play and no work
makes Jack a silly boy. Remember that."
In his will he devised to them the freehold house
and the piece of ground round it, to which little estate
he had given the pretty name of Rosamund Bower, and
seven hundred pounds a year, and he so tied up the
principal that they could not touch it. "I wish my
6
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
dear niece Edwina and dear Harold," he said in his
will, " to hear in mind that life is not altogether a jar
of honey, and that work is the greatest blessing the
Creator has bestowed upon man." The balance of his
fortune, amounting to twenty thousand pounds, he left
to an Institution for Crippled Children. Edwina and
Harold shed tears over his grave, and blessed him for
his kindness and generosity.
Now, you will say that upon seven hundred a year,
and no rent to pay, our turtle doves ought to have got
along very well. My reply to this is, look at home.
Do you get along very well upon your income ? Do you
not wish that you had just a couple of hundred a year
more ? If you deny that this is the case I shall only
smile at you, so you know what you may expect.
Edwina and Harold often talked about that saying
of Uncle Theophilus, that life was not altogether a jar
of honey. They did not agree with him. Their wedded
life was to be one perpetual, inexhaustible jar of honey,
into which they would dip and dip till they became
quite old people.
" With crutches and spectacles," said Edwina, mak-
ing a face. " Dear me ! It won't bear thinking of."
" I am afraid we must grow old, darling," said Har-
old.
"Very well, dearest," was her response, "but we will
not think of it. Harold, I command you not to think
of it."
" I will never think of it," he said.
And yet, though she had banished the subject, she
proposed that very evening that they should play " old
people." She dressed herself in an old-fashioned gown
that had been worn by her grandmother, and she pow-
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
7
dered her hair, and put on a pair of spectacles. She
made Harold dress in an old-fashioned suit that had
been worn by her grandfather, knee-breeches, buckled
shoes, knitted stockings, flowered waistcoat, and long
slim-tailed coat, and she put horn spectacles on his
nose, and clapped on his head a low-brimmed hat sev-
eral sizes too large for him, and she got out a couple
of crutch sticks. Thus accoutered, they hobbled about
the room (with the door locked so that the servants
should not pop in upon them unexpectedly), and in
piping voices discussed the crops and various matters
which they knew as much about as they did about
butcher's meat; they recalled imaginary reminiscences
of the days when they were young, and cackled and
sighed over them; and finally they fell on the floor and
made the room resound with their laughter. Suddenly
they stopped and clutched each other in comic alarm.
There was a knock at the door, and a servant's voice
calling to them:
" Did you ring, ma'am ?"
" No, Priscilla," said Edwina. And in a whisper to
Harold, "We are right over the kitchen."
"We thought you wanted something, ma'am."
" No, Priscilla, we don't want anything, thank you."
And in a whisper to Harold, " What would she think
if she saw us 1" She had to bury her pretty face in
Harold's waistcoat to stifle her laughter.
They listened to Priscilla's footsteps as she went
down to the basement, and then—assuring themselves
first that the coast was clear—they crept upstairs to
their bedroom, and attired themselves in the fashion of
1892. I wish some eminent painter had seen them in
their garments of a bygone time, for he certainly would
8
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
have made a picture of them which would have been
engraved and hung in numberless homes.
You may wonder where they got their old-fashioned
clothes from. Well, Edwina's grandfather had left his
wife's wardrobe and his own to Edwina's mother, and
she, in her turn, had left them to Edwina. There were
two large hair-covered trunks filled with them, which
were now in the attics, and you shall see presently
how a portion of their contents came in very useful in
the course of some very extraordinary experiences in
the lives of the fond couple. Such a collection of fam-
ily relics is rarely to be seen nowadays, the old clo' man
having played sad havoc with memorials of this descrip-
tion, which are certainly as interesting as the broken
pieces of hideous china for which fabulous prices are
paid in fashionable auction-rooms. Such furbelows,
and caps, and capes, and boasKand tippets; such knee-
breeches, and silk stockings, and buckles, and curious
shoes ; such mittens, and gloves, and scarves, and hats,
and bonnets; such flower-patterned gowns, and cocked
hats, and tail coats, and waistcoats; and, what was per-
haps in Edwina's eyes more precious than all the rest,
such oddments of old lace, which upon Edwina's own
person made her lady friends stare with envy and ad-
miration. Neither she nor Harold knew exactly what
the trunks contained, for they had never emptied them
and gone through the contents; only now and then
Edwina would spend a few minutes on her knees before
them, and would fish out a piece or two of the afore-
mentioned old lace. There were other articles of dress
in the chests which had once been worn by happy chil-
dren and afterward carefully preserved by their devoted
parents. There was something sacred in these memo-
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
9
rials, and Edwina felt the touch of this spiritual influ-
ence. They had been worn by those of her blood when
they were children, when they were young lovers, when
they were old men and women; they were links be-
tween her and those who had moldered to dust—R
sacred chain that united the living and the dead in
tenderness and love. Often had Edwina thought that
if she were blessed with children the mementos should
go down to them as they had come to her, with the
injunction that they should be kept always in the fam-
ily. She was not given to solemn moods, but she had
her tender moments of memory apart from her adored
Harold, and through her sympathetic nature, the most
impressive notes in which had not yet been touched, it
is quite likely that she would be led through the coming
years to a sweet and even dignified old age.
But this was in the future, in the sunset of life. Our
business is with the full glow and sunshine of her early
marriage.
Rosamund Bower was situated in Fulham, where
there are two or three houses I could point out to you
which are so secluded and have such charming grounds
that you might fancy yourself scores and scores of
miles away from the bustling life of the great city,
whereas, instead of being in any spot so distant, a bus
will take you in half an hour to Charing Cross. Lon-
don is fortunate in its suburbs. Look, for instance, at
St. John's Wood. "Delightful" is the only word that
can be applied to it.
Edwina and Harold, then, had the sweetest house in
Fulham, standing in its own grounds. There was a
little history attached to it. When Uncle Theophilus
was a middle-aged man he had fallen in love, and he
10
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
had bought this tiny estate, and had improved and
beautified it and named it Rosamund Bower, with the
intention of residing in it with his wife. But he never
arrived at the stage of wedded bliss. The object of his
affections jilted him and gave herself to u another" who
had a larger fortune and a larger estate ; and Uncle
Theophilus was such a good fellow that the fickle young
woman richly deserved it if she found out when it was
too late that she had made a mistake. Uncle Theophi-
lus's disappointment was a gain to Edwina and Harold,
who would not have come into possession of Rosamund
Bower if he had married, and would not have inherited
their little fortune—in which ease this story would
never have been written. They had not a large estab-
lishment, having no need for one. They had a cook,
Mrs. Lavender, who was not only a good cook, but was
not too proud and conservative to make herself gener-
ally useful. They had Crumbs, a boy of fourteen, who
cleaned the knives and boots, ran errands, washed the
steps, did wonders in the garden, and wore a page's
uniform when his rough work was done—a thoroughly
willing boy, one in a thousand, though he ivas given to
tricks and helped himself to the gooseberries before
they were half ripe. They had a housemaid, Priscilla,
who could wait at table. And there they were.
None of these retainers gave them any trouble, and
Mrs. Lavender was a treasure. She managed the house
for them. All that Edwina and Harold had to do was
to pay the bills.
They were sitting together on the night before the
first anniversary of their wedding-day. Edwina was
working a pair of slippers upon which she had been
engaged for the last eleven months, and which, accord-
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
11
ing to the progress she had made, would take only four
years more to finish. Harold was engaged in accounts,
with which the table was strewed, and which appeared
to be giving him some trouble. Edwina, looking up
from her work, saw him nibbling the end of his pen-
holder and helplessly contemplating the figures he had
written on the nicely ruled paper.
" What is the matter, darling 1" she inquired.
" I can't make them come right," replied Harold.
" Let me help you," said Edwina.
Down went the slipper in her lap as she moved her
chair close to the chair of her precious. It was a pleas-
ant sight to see these young people so ready to apply
themselves industriously and earnestly to the practical
solution of a domestic conundrum. They set about it
in a business way. Their cheeks touched, he kissed her
two or three times, perhaps more; he passed his arm
round her waist, her head dropped on his shoulder, and
she ran her fingers through his hair and tumbled it
about.
" Darling Harold ! "
" Dearest Edwina! "
u Did you ever see a distressed lion, Harold ?"
" No, Edwina."
"More did I. You look just like one, with your
hair all over your eyes."
She laughed a delicious little laugh, and he gave her
some more kisses. Then there was a silence of ten or
twelve minutes, at the end of which Harold felt himself
equal to tackle the accounts again.
" I have totted up this column seven times," he said,
" and every time it comes different."
" It ought to be ashamed of itself," said Edwina, gaz-
12
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
ing reproachfully at the ruled paper. " I'll tell you the
best way."
" Do, sweet."
"You know one of uncle's sayings, dear. Strike an
average."
Harold laughed, and asked, "How is it done?"
"Oh, it's easy. You put down a lot of figures, you
add them up, and you divide them by something." She
gave him a triumphant look.
" I am afraid it wouldn't work, darling. Just add
up this column and see what you make of it."
She rumpled his hair and took the pen from him.
Shaking it reprovingly at the figures, she proceeded
with the task, while he toyed with her tresses and pulled
out her hairpins. Her golden locks fell on her shoul-
ders, and I should like you to tell me where I can see
a prettier picture.
"It comes to ninety-seven, dearest," she said pres-
ently, with an air of great confidence.
"Add seven hairpins to it," said Harold dreamily,
" and what does it come to then ? "
"You foolish boy! Be serious. Is it a shilling or
pence column ?"
" Pence. What do ninety-seven pence come to, dar-
ling?"
"In pounds, Harold?"
"No, dearest, in shillings."
" Thirteen and a penny," she said promptly.
"You darling little dunce ! It's nine and twopence."
" It doesn't make a bit of difference, does it, now,"
she asked saucily, "whether it's one or the other?"
"Not a bit," he replied, with a comical doubt of his
own arithmetic, " or whether it's anything else."
"Well, then," she said, scattering the papers on the
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
13
table all about, " what is the use of making your head
ache over it ? Let us talk of something pleasant." She
fell into a pensive mood. " To-morrow is our wedding-
day, dearest. We have been married just a year. How
the time flies ! "
" The happy, happy time! " murmured Harold.
"Iam getting an old, old woman. Think of it! A
year gone already! Yes, I am growing frightfully old.
I can feel the wrinkles coming. It is very dreadful,
Harold!"
Such an old woman as she looked, with her pretty
face in a loose frame of golden locks, with a baby dim-
pie in her cheek, and the seriousness of a child in her
beautiful brown eyes! Such an old, old woman !
" My dear little wife," Harold ventured to observe,
"is this talking of something pleasant?"
" I thought it was, Harold. We're talking of Me.
Am I unpleasant?"
" What a question ! I didn't think of it in that light.
Of course, of course. Go on, darling."
" I am going to go on," said Edwina, and laughed at
the phrase; but she checked herself and became grave.
"We must talk of things in all lights; it is our duty.
When we are considering a subject we must twist it
round, turn it upside down, and inside out, so as to get
at the heart of it. What do you think of that for
logic ? "
" Wonderful! " exclaimed Harold.
"And now," continued Edwina, with a number of
approving nods at herself, " having settled one subject
we will go on to another. Harold," she spoke so ener-
getically that he gave a jump, " there is something on
your mind. What is it ? If you don't tell me I will
not eat another chocolate cream for a month."
CHAPTER II.
a new way to pay old debts.
The alarming threat compelled him to open his mind
freely to her.
" There is something on my mind," he said, u and it
seems to crush me. Edwina, dear, we have seven hnn-
dred a year. When we were married I had no capital
worth mentioning to commence with—just a trifle of
three hundred pounds or so to pay the expenses of our
honeymoon trip to Switzerland and Italy "
" Wr ait a moment, Harold; I want to think of it."
She closed her eyes and thought of those blissful
weeks spent on the mountains and lakes, of that holi-
day spent in Paradise, where Alpine roses and forget-
me-nots grow amid the ice, where hills are threaded
with silver ribbons that run like living, laughing light
from forests of pines and firs to verdant valleys and
bountiful plains, where fairy waterfalls are blown into
fantastic lines of beauty by the lightest breeze, and
sublime torrents thunder from mountain-tops, where
the air is tremulous with soft strains of music, where
the translucent waters of the lakes are jeweled with
stars, and the flashing frosted track of moonlight
stretches on and on until it is lost in a wonder-world
of hidden joyous life, and where all nature sings to
sympathetic hearts the one eternal song of love—love
14
SOMETHING OCCURRED,
15
—love! Smiles came to her lips and she stretched out
her hand for Harold's. The reminiscences she called
np played on her lovely face as sunlight plays on a fair
English field of waving grass and fragrant clover,
lighting it up with delicious harmonies.
"Can you ever forget it, darling?" she asked pres-
ently.
"Never, dearest; it is an undying memory of joy.
Where was I ? Oh, about the expenses of our trip. I
found the three hundred pounds not enough, there
were so many things we took a fancy to—bits of china,
bits of olive-wood, bits of haberdashery, bits of I
don't know what. You brought home, I think, eleven
dolls "
" The sweetest dolls, Harold! I will never, never
part with one of them."
"I had, therefore," continued Harold, rather dis-
tracted by these interruptions, " to encroach upon our
income to the extent of a hundred pounds, and when,
at the end of those ever-to-be-treasured fourteen weeks,
we returned home to settle in our nest here I had ex-
actly six hundred pounds to go through the remainder
of the year with. It went—I don't know how it went,
but it went before the year was out. Last week I had
no more than twenty pounds in my purse in golden
sovereigns."
"You gave me ten for a most particular purpose,"
said Edwina, thinking of the present she had bought
for Harold in commemoration of their wedding-day,
" and that is gone."
" I kept ten for a most particular purpose," said Har-
old, thinking of the present he had bought for Edwina,
" and that is gone. The happy anniversary to-morrow
16
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
has been in my mind for a long time past, and I have
been puzzling my head what to get you. I hope you
will like it, love."
" I have been doing just the same, and I hope you
will like it, dear."
" I am certain to. And now, Edwina, as we are in
solemn consultation, you must prepare for a shock.
Are you ready ? "
She shut her eyes and squeezed them tight. " Wait
till I count six to myself, Harold." There was a pause.
" Now!"
"Edwina, those twenty sovereigns was—I am not
sure, dear, whether I ought not to say ' were,' but at
such a moment as this we will not split hairs—those
twenty sovereigns was (or were) all the money I had
left in the world, and I shall not be able to get another
shilling till the first of next month, when the half-year's
dividend is due—which, my poor wife, will not be for
three weeks yet."
" Harold," implored Edwina, with a tendency to little
screams, "don't speak so lu lu What is the
dreadful word I want ?"
" Lugubriously, I think, dear."
"Yes, I never could pronounce it. Such a word as
that ought never to have been admitted into a respect-
able dictionary. Don't speak so lu-somethingly, or I
shall go off, I know I shall. It gives me the creeps.
And, Harold, if you will pour me out a glass of port,
and take a glass yourself, and make your voice a trifle
more cheerful, and say what you have to say all at once,
and not in driblets, I think, love, I could bear it better."
The wine was poured out, and they clinked glasses
and smilingly drank each other's health,
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
17
" To continue," said Harold, drawing Edwina closer
to him to strengthen her for what was coming. " There
are here on the table a number of accounts from the
tradesmen we deal with. We owe the butcher £23 2s.
Id., the baker £11 10s. 7d., the milkman £14 18s. 6d.,
the wine merchant £25, my tailor £48 10s., the water-
rate £3 18s. 4d., the- gasman £6 2s. 6d., the fruiterer
and florist £29 19s., and a number of accounts to lesser
tradesmen in the neighborhood, which amount, so far
as I can make out, to over £30. Shall I pause to take
breath?"
"No, dear, unburden your poor heart once and for
all to one who loves you; it will be a relief."
"It seems to me," said Harold, "with your head ly-
ing on my shoulder, as if I could go on forever. The
plumber's account for the improvements in the bath-
room is £40, the parish rates and the income tax are
undischarged, and must be paid, so the papers say,
within seven days. If they are not paid on the seventh
day Government will come down on us—and the sev-
enth day, Edwina, is to-morrow. Priscilla asked me for
her month's wages; I answered, 'To-morrow.' Mrs.
Lavender threw out a hint; I said, 'To-morrow.
Crumbs looked at me this evening with a suspicious
eye; I pay him weekly, you know, and he ought to
have had his five shillings to-day. ' Crumbs,'' I said,
'to-morrow,' and he brightened up. By a singular
coincidence every one of the tradesmen's bills has been
sent in to-day, and most of them contain a gentle
reminder. To the two or three creditors I chanced
inadvertently to meet I said, ' To-morrow.' What the
entire sum is that I have promised to pay to-morrow is
wrapped—I wish I could say in oblivion, but I can't—
18
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
in uncertainty. I have tried for hours to tot up the
amount, and as I have already told you, love, it comes
different every time. We may take it for granted that
it is a very large sum. Now, Edwina, here is all the
money I possess in the world." He pulled out his
purse, and took therefrom a shilling and a sixpence,
and from his waistcoat pocket fourpence in coppers.
" One and tenpence, Edwina. You have nothing?"
"I spent my last half-crown this afternoon," said
Edwina, "in caramels."
" Are there any left, love ? Thank you—I wish they
wouldn't stick in the teeth so, but perhaps just now I
am more sensitive than usual. Did you not tell me
this morning that your dressmaker was coming to-
morrow to fit on your new dress ?"
"Yes, dear."
" And I expect my tailor. You owe your dressmaker
an account." She nodded solemnly. " And my tailor
betrays symptoms of impatience. Edwina, what is to
be done ?"
She put a fresh caramel into her mouth, and clasped
her hands mournfully.
" I ask you," said Harold, " merely as a matter of
form, for of course you haven't the slightest idea. Some
money must be found for to-morrow, and we must live
for the next three weeks. Where is that money to be
obtained, and how are we to exist? We have a benev-
olent uncle in the next street "
"Harold," she cried, "what do you mean? Poor
Uncle Theophilus's grave is three miles off."
"I am not referring to him, love, but to the uni-
versal uncle with whom, to speak with brutal frank-
ness, we could pop our jewels and plate j but I am
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
19
afraid they would not realize a third of the sum we
require."
"Harold/' said Edwina, now melting into tears,
" think of something else—do ! What will the servants
say when they miss the silver spoons ?"
" Our situation," observed Harold, drying Edwina's
eyes with his pocket-handkerchief, " is beset with diffi-
culties, but we must meet them bravely. We must do
something—we must take action. Could we deny our-
selves to everybody for three weeks? Could we shut
ourselves up in a room for that space of time without
exciting remark ? This room would not do, for there
is no bed in it, and we could not exist without sleep.
There are tinned things in the house, I believe, love,
such as sardines and green peas; there is a supply of
jam; and there are perhaps some eggs and biscuits. In
the dead of night, when the servants are abed and
asleep, I could creep downstairs, you carrying the can-
die, Edwina, and we could steal the provisions and
convey them to our dungeon; we have a few bottles
of champagne left, and some port; and upon these we
could sustain fainting nature till the half-year's divi-
dend is paid. Then we could emerge like the butter-
fly or the grub (I don't exactly know which) from the
—the cocoon, isn't it, Edwina ?"
" Dear Harold," said Edwina, with a childlike pathos
in her voice, " please don't ask me. Remember what
we used to say at school—natural history is a mystery,
and science drives me mad. There are just two cara-
mels left, one apiece. Open your mouth, dear. You
must take all the nourishment you can get. O Harold,
you are speaking beautifully! I feel as if we were
going to have adventures."
20
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Then we could emerge," resumed Harold, " like the
what-is-it from the what-do-you-call-'em, and face the
world in the way that rescued mariners are in the habit
of doing. How does all this strike you ?"
"It is the sweetest plan, and you are the dearest
boy!"
" Don't speak hastily. Consider, love, consider; put
all your mind to it. Can you suggest anything ? Have
you any questions to ask"?"
"What should we do," she said, putting on her
considering cap, "if there was a knock at the door!
It would have to be answered, wouldn't it, or they
would burst in upon us. And what will the Govern-
ment do to-morrow if the taxes are not paid? If
I could see Mr. Gladstone I might coax him to wait a
little. Everybody says he is a very nice old gentle-
man."
"You could coax him to anything, love, if you could
catch him alone, but I don't know where he is just
now. He flies about so! "
"Would it be of any use to write to him, dear?"
" I doubt it. We should probably receive a postcard
referring us to a speech he made before we were born,
and it would take months to hunt it up. Your ques-
tion as to what the Government will do if we don't
settle with them to-morrow convinces me that my plan
will not work. I am afraid we shall have to go to the
three golden balls with bundles."
" 0 Harold," cried Edwina, " anything but that—any-
thing but that! I have an idea ! Do you remember
the envelope that Uncle Theophilus gave us before he
died ? ' Put this carefully by,' he said, ' and do not
open it till you find yourselves in a difficulty and don't
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
21
know how to get out of it. There is something inside
that will assist you.' He made us promise, and I gave
the envelope to you to take care of. I would not trust
myself with it because I was sure to do what Blue-
beard's wife would have done. We are in a difficulty,
and we don't know how to get out of it. The time has
come ! Harold, where is that envelope?"
" At the bottom of my desk. I have never thought
of it from that moment to this." He brought his desk
forward and began to rummage. " How clever you
are, Edwina! What should I do without you ? I won-
der what is in the envelope. Perhaps a thousand-
pound note; Uncle Theophilus was flowing over with
kindness. Here it is. Feel it, dear; quite bulky, isn't
it? Perhaps several thousand-pound notes. Shall I
open it ?"
" At once, Harold, at once," said Edwina impatiently;
"don't waste a moment. Dear, dear Uncle Theophi-
lus!"
Harold carefully unfastened the envelope, and drew
out a number of small sheets of paper covered with
writing—but no crisp thousand-pound notes. They
looked at each other in disappointment. Edwina was
ready to cry; Harold laughed ruefully, and said, "We
had better read what he says. He might say, ' Go
somewhere and dig.'"
"Yes, Harold, yes," said Edwina, catching at the sug-
gestion; "a hidden treasure, perhaps."
"The papers are numbered," said Harold; "I will
arrange them, and then we shall understand the mys-
tery. If we don't read them in their proper order we
may miss the key. There, it is done. Now listen, dear;
I commence with number one:
22
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
'Not enjoyment and not sorrow
Is onr destined end or way,
But to work that each to-morrow
Finds us better than to-day.'
What do you make of that ?"
"Not much," replied Edwina, pouting. " It is out of
Longfellow. I used to know it by heart, and he has
made a mistake—he has put 'work' instead of 'act.'
' Let us act that each to-morrow.' That is the way it
goes. Read the papers all through, Harold. I will not
interrupt you again."
Harold read:
"Young lovers, when they marry, think the world
a heaven, where there are no discords, and not an in-
harmonious note.
" They awake from their dream, and are confronted
by difficulties which have grown in their Paradise while
they were sleeping.
" The seeds of these difficulties have been sown by
themselves.
" Perhaps they have not been good managers. Per-
haps they have not condescended to acknowledge
the existence of butchers and bakers and candle-stick
makers. Perhaps they are wrapped up too much in
themselves.
" They must look their difficulties in the face. As
the wife is often a good counselor let them consider the
matter together, and decide what is best to be done;
and when they decide, let them do it.
" Idleness is the root of all evil.
"Live within your income. Bear in mind what,
Micawber says upon this point. Look him up if you
have forgotten.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
23
"Life is not altogether a jar of honey. Bees are
most indnstrions creatures.
" Perfect happiness is unattainable; no mortal has
ever enjoyed it.
" Never despair. At the darkest hour, when all hope
appears to have fled, something will occur to lighten
your hearts. And probably it will be something of a
surprising nature, something you could not even have
dreamt of."
Harold put down the sheets with the remark:
" That is all, Edwina. Do you see anything in it that
will assist us"? I must confess I do not. Uncle The-
ophilus was a good fellow, and we can never be sufli-
ciently grateful to him for leaving us our little fortune;
but I am afraid he was not very wise. A verse from
Longfellow and a lot of platitudes are perfectly useless
in our present difficulty. As for looking up Micawber,
he is a nice kind of example to set before one! No,
no 5 Uncle Theophilus was not so clever as he believed
himself to be."
"We will not be hard on him, love," said Edwina;
" he meant well, I am sure, and though he says some
horrid things he says some nice ones too. Oh dear, oh
dear! If I could only be of some assistance to you,
Harold—if we only lived in the good old times when
we could wish something and it would come true!
That is the only way I can see out of our difficulties."
" It would be a delightful way," said Harold. " How
many wishes would satisfy you, Edwina ? Three ?"
"I would like four if I could get them, of course.
Shall we try it, Harold ?"
" Try what, love ?"
" To raise the spirit of a something-or-other who will
24
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
grant us what we want. Get up. you lazy boy, and let
us go round the table three times and wish as hard as
ever we can. You don't happen to know an incanta-
tion, do you ?"
" No, love, I haven't a suitable one in stock just now.
What an absurd little darling you are ! "
" Take my hand, Harold, and be very solemn and
quiet, and when we have gone round three times you
must lower the lamp, so that there will be a dim, mys-
terious light in the room. And keep hold of me very
tight, in case anything should happen and I should get
frightened."
The young couple walked round the table three times,
and, whatever Harold may have done, nothing is more
certain than that Edwina wished with all her might
for a something-or-other to come and help them out of
their difficulties. Her seriousness, it is true, was rather
of the comic order, but she was really very much in
earnest. She clutched Harold's hand firmly, and kept
close to him for protection, in case, as she had said,
anything should happen.
" Lower the light a little," she whispered.
It was an awkward thing to do with only the left
hand free, and Harold made a bad job of it; he screwed
the tap right down.
" There," cried Edwina, " you have put out the lamp ! "
CHAPTER III.
the genius of the utterly absurd.
When it was lighted again they saw to their surprise
that they were not alone. Seated at the table was a
little man whose age it was difficult to guess, because
he seemed to be both young and old at one and the
same time. Whatever his years, he was an agreeable-
looking person, with well-formed features, bright eyes,
and a smiling mouth. A peculiarity about him was
that every now and then he put his hand to his side and
laughed without apparent cause; it was a thoroughly
good-natured laugh, and might be set down to his being
tickled by a funny thought.
" How do you do ?" he said amiably, looking up at
them.
" How do you do, sir ?" said Edwina, in whose sur-
prise at his appearance there was no alarm. "We did
not hear you come in."
" Probably," said the stranger, " it was because you
were so busily engaged. And the room was dark, you
know."
" Yes, it was," she said, with a blush at the childish
play in which she and Harold had indulged. Then she
thought, " I wonder if he is a creditor. I almost hope
he is, he seems such a pleasant gentleman."
" May I inquire " said Harold, who also thought
that their visitor might be a creditor.
" How it is that I am here ?" said the stranger, not
25
26
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
waiting for- Harold to finish the sentence. " Certainly.
I shall be glad if I can be of assistance to you. I knew
your parents, Harold, and yours also, Edwina; I was
acquainted with them when you were both little chil-
dren, and I take an interest in you. I am not quite
sure that I did not promise your mothers and fathers
and your Uncle Theophilus to look after you when you
were in trouble, but whether I did or did not make that
promise is not of great importance." He paused a mo-
ment, and then added, " Unless you think it is."
As he made this suggestion, and waited for them to
tell him whether it was of importance, he looked like a
very old man, and when Edwina (who was all impa-
tience, but out of politeness would not hurry him) re-
plied that she did not think it mattered much, he looked
like a very young one.
"You were good enough to say, sir," said Harold,
"that you would be glad if you could be of any assist-
ance to us."
"I did make the remark," said the stranger; "what
is your opinion of it ?"
"It is an excellent remark, sir," observed Harold,
who thought the question a funny one, " as far as it
goes."
"Exactly. As far as it goes. Do you take snuff?"
"No, sir."
" Do you ?" (To Edwina.)
"No, sir," replied Edwina, much surprised; but it
was an agreeable kind of surprise. The stranger was
so exceedingly amiable that she felt it impossible to be
annoyed with him.
" Oblige me," he said, pulling out a snuff-box. " Take
a pinch."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
27
They could not refuse him. Harold took a pinch
and sneezed three times, and every time he sneezed the
stranger nodded and said, " God bless you ! " Edwina
held her pinch between her finger and thumb, and
raised her hand to her nose, but did not have the cour-
age to complete the operation.
" Do it for her," said the stranger.
Harold put Edwina's finger and thumb to his nose
and sniffed up the particles.
"I mean," said the stranger, "put the snuff to her
nose, and let her sniff, while you hold her head if you
like. It will not hurt you, my dear."
His voice was so willing and compelling—in a coax-
ing way—that Harold followed his instructions, and
Edwina submitted. He could not hold her head with
one hand—his other being occupied in guiding her
finger and thumb to her nose—but he put his arm
round her waist to steady her, and it served the pur-
pose equally well. Although Edwina sniffed up the
smallest quantity possible, she followed Harold's exam-
pie and sneezed three times, and every time she sneezed
the stranger nodded and said, " God bless you ! " Then
he said, "Excuse me," and began to laugh and roll
himself about. They waited till he had done, and then
it occurred to Harold that it was only proper they
should know his name. Before, however, he could put
the question, the stranger distracted his attention by a
reference to the papers on the table.
" Accounts ?" he inquired.
"Yes, sir, accounts," said Harold.
" Butcher's," said the stranger, tossing them over,
"baker's, milkman's, tailor's, plumber's, wine, fruit,
gas, taxes. All to be paid ?"
28
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" To-morrow," said Harold rather gravely; and was
surprised to hear himself say, "And where the money's
to come from goodness only knows."
" Exactly," said the stranger, making a most comical
face, " goodness only knows." He laughed again, but
not so long and so violently as on the last occasion.
"And I have no doubt," he said to Edwina, with a
bright smile, " there is a dressmaker's bill."
"Yes, there is, sir, but she has not sent it in yet."
"I was about to inquire your name, sir," said
Harold.
" Certainly. My name is Wottisnot."
" I didn't quite catch it," said Harold.
"Wottisnot," repeated the stranger.
" With a Mr. ?"
The stranger .appeared to consider. "Yes, with a
Mr. It improves it. Mr. Wottisnot."
"A foreign count, perhaps," thought Harold. " Sounds
Polish."
" So absurd ! " murmured Edwina. " So utterly ab-
surd!"
"I am the genius of it," said Mr. Wottisnot. "You
behold in me the Genius of the Utterly Absurd. Don't
be alarmed; there's nothing to be frightened of, I as-
sure you. It is a fancy of mine to take that title. I
am fond of a joke, as you may have guessed by the
laughing fits I have. They run in my family. Every-
thing we do makes people laugh. Other people. You
understand me, of course. Other people."
" Oh yes, I understand you," said Harold, without the
least idea of his meaning, but he thought it would be
impolite to ask for an explanation. Besides, it might
take too long, and he was burning1 to come to some-
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
29
thing practical and less mysterious. " I should he in-
finitely obliged if you could assist us."
" I can put you in the way of assisting yourselves/'
said the Genius of the Utterly Absurd, and now he
addressed Edwina. " I think you were saying before
I came in that you would like three wishes—four, if
you could get them."
" How mean of him to listen!" thought Edwina,
but she did not put this into words; she only said,
"Wouldn't anybody?"
"I believe anybody would. Do you see no other
way out of your difficulties ?"
"There is no other way," said Harold, answering
for her, " and that way, of course, is impossible. It is
ridiculous to mention it."
"Don't be too positive," said Mr. Wottisnot. "It
depends upon yourselves. I will give them to you on
certain very easy and harmless conditions."
"You will! " cried Edwina, clapping her hands.
"Edwina," said Harold, clasping her waist, and
holding her close to him, " do not be hasty. This gen-
tleman may be the "
"No," interposed Mr. Wottisnot, with a broad grin,
laying his hand on his heart and bowing very low, " I
am not that gentleman, upon my honor."
Harold colored up and stammered, with a deplorable
attempt at deceit:
" Excuse me—you mistake. I meant the—the "
But as upon the spur of the moment he could not make
up his mind whom it was he ought to say he meant, he
was compelled to stop.
" The gentleman in the next street, perhaps," sug-
gested Mr. Wottisnot amiably; he did not evince the
30
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
smallest trace of displeasure; " or the gentleman from
round the corner, or old Father Hubbard, or the gen-
tleman who inhabits the moon. You really meant the
old gentleman from below, my dear Harold, for whom
anybody might be proud to be mistaken; he is such a
particularly celebrated old party—been so well adver-
tised, you know. I am not one half nor one quarter as
clever as he is, but I have my gifts. He is fond of
doing unpleasant things; I am fond of doing pleasant
things. He is fond of making people uncomfortable ;
I am fond of making people comfortable. Did I
not tell you that I am the Genius of the Utterly
Absurd ?"
" Yes, sir, you did," replied Edwina, anxious to atone
for Harold's slip of the tongue, and really feeling her-
self quite at home with this ridiculous being. " Don't
deny it, Harold. You know he did."
" Oh yes," acquiesced Harold, with the air of a man
Avho just remembered something; " of course you did,
sir."
"And of course," said Mr. Wottisnot, with his hand
at his side, and quietly chuckling as he spoke, "you
would not dream of disputing anything I say."
" Harold is the last man to do that," said Edwina,
adding winningly, " if you will take my word for it."
Her excessive anxiety to smooth matters sprang from
her excessive curiosity to get at the bottom of this
mysterious affair.
"I will take your word," said Mr. Wottisnot, with
great politeness and some independence, "if you will
take mine. That is only fair, you know."
"It is, sir, and we take it. Don't we, Harold?"
"We do," he declared solemnly, and then bethought
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
31
himself of his duties as host. " Will you drink a glass
of wine, Mr. Wottisnot?"
" I should prefer," said that gentleman, " a chocolate
cream."
"Oh dear!" exclaimed Edwina. "We have eaten
them all up, and we haven't even a caramel left. Har-
old, we must remember always to have chocolate creams
in the house when gentlemen come to see us. It is so
awkward to be without them ! "
" Meanwhile," said Mr. Wottisnot, " allow me to offer
you some of mine. I never travel without them."
"He is a traveler," thought Harold, "in chocolate
creams. We ought to tell him we don't keep a shop."
"When I suggested a chocolate cream," continued
their strange visitor, " I meant mine, not yours. Life
would not be worth living without chocolate creams.
Try these." He pulled out a new card box, and took
off the lid. " The best that can be obtained—four and
eightpence a pound at Fuller's. I am very particular
about my sweets. Always was, from a child."
" What a fascinating man! " thought Edwina, help-
ing herself, and Harold followed her example. " What
a very fascinating man ! "
"Are they to your taste?" inquired Mr. Wottisnot,
rolling one round his tongue.
" I never ate better," said Edwina, " and it is quite
nice of you. Harold, dear, you must get me some of
these; the flavor is delicious."
"We will pick up the broken thread of our conversa-
tion," said Mr. Wottisnot gayly. "You take my word
that I can give you wishes ?"
"We do, sir," replied Edwina.
" Good. How many do you want ?"
32
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Three," said Harold.
" Four," corrected Edwina.
" Settle it between yourselves. Three or four, which-
ever you prefer. It is necessary that the number
should be fixed."
" Four," they said.
" That shall be the number. Four you shall have.
I mentioned that there are conditions. Exceedingly
easy and harmless, I assure you. My feeling toward
you would not allow me to propose anything difficult
or disagreeable. In the first place, what you wish for
must be something tangible, something you can see
and hold; and you must not ask too much, you must
not be greedy."
" You may depend upon us, sir," said Edwina grave-
ly; " we will be perfectly reasonable."
"Some people," said Mr. Wottisnot contemplatively,
" are so dreadfully avaricious that they would ask for
mountains of gold. I cannot give you mountains of
gold."
"We will not ask for them, sir," said Edwina. " Moun-
tains of gold, Harold! Did you ever! "
"Some people," continued Mr. Wottisnot, "would
ask for a million pounds. You cannot have a million
pounds. If your wishes take the form of money I limit
you to two thousand pounds a time. Four wishes at
two thousand pounds each come to eight thousand
pounds. I wouldn't," he added, with a smile at Edwina,
" ask you to do the sum, because I know you are not
good at arithmetic."
"Now, how has he found out that?" thought Ed-
wina. " But, the darling! Eight thousand pounds !
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
33
Why, one thousand would get dear Harold out of all
his difficulties, and then there would be what remained.
How many pounds of chocolate creams could we buy
with the remainder?"
" Do you agree ?" asked Mr. Wottisnot.
" Yes, sir, we agree," said Edwina, "and it is most
generous of you."
"Similarly," said Mr. Wottisnot, "if you wish for
anything instead of money, such as diamonds, dress, or
ornaments for the house, the value of your wish must
not exceed the limit Agreed ?"
"Agreed, sir."
" In the second place, you must not wish anything
that will be an injury to any one. It is hardly neces-
sary to make this stipulation, because you are an ex-
ceedingly nice couple, with good dispositions, and you
would not harm a fly. But I make it, nevertheless, as
a possible safeguard against yourselves. Agreed ?"
"Agreed," they said, though Edwina felt slightly
hurt.
" In the third place, if you make one wish, you bind
yourselves to make the other three at intervals of not
longer than two months each, so that all the four wishes
shall be made in six months from to-night, or in less,
if you like."
" Oh," cried Edwina, " we should be sure to do that."
"You must bind yourself to it, however."
"We do."
" The penalty of a violation of this condition will be
very severe, and would bring the greatest possible mis-
fortunes upon you. I am bound to impress this upon
you."
34
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
Tliey were not deterred by this intimation, not at all.
To avoid the penalty all they had to do was to make
the wishes; so they accepted the condition without
misgivings.
''The option is yours," said Mr. Wottisnot, "of not
wishing at all, and if you allow five months to elapse
without availing yourselves of the privilege the power
will be gone from you. That is understood ?"
Yes, they quite understood it, but the idea of their
not taking advantage of such an opportunity was too
ridiculous altogether. Now, wasn't it? they asked
each other.
"Very well," said Mr. Wottisnot. "There is just
one other little thing to mention, and it is settled.
When what you wish for is granted, and you see it be-
fore your eyes, Something will Occur."
"Why, of course it will," said Edwina; "getting
what we want will occur."
" Something else will also occur," said Mr. Wottisnot,
" perhaps at the moment your wish is fulfilled, perhaps
not for an hour, or a day, or a week, but certainly be-
fore two months have passed. Just think over this
part of the matter, and let me know."
They thought over it as he directed them, but for the
life of them could make nothing of it; and the longer
they thought the less they could make of it—which is
a ridiculous statement, for the reason that there cannot
be less than nothing. " What do ijou think, Edwina ?
"What do you think, Harold?" And there they
stopped; they could not get any further.
"Well, children?" asked Mr. Wottisnot. His voice
was kindness itself, and his eyes fairly twinkled with
fun.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
35
" Can you inform us, sir," said Harold, " what this
something will be ?"
"I cannot," replied Mr. Wottisnot, " because I have
not quite made up my mind."
"Oh," said Edwina, "it depends upon you?"
"Yes, my dear, it depends upon me."
" Then it will be nothing to injure us ?"
"Nothing at all, my dear."
" Nor anybody else ?"
"Nor anybody else. Indeed, I think I can promise
that it will be something funny, something to make
people laugh."
" In that case," said Edwina, in a tone of conviction,
"it becomes almost a duty. We agree to everything—
unless there is something else."
" There is nothing else. We will go over the heads of
our agreement. Kindly tick them off on your fingers.
You have four wishes of the value of two thousand
pounds each, one wish to be wished at a time. If you
wish the first wish you must make each of the other
three before the expiration of the stated interval, and
the four wishes must be completed within the space of
six months. If you do not wish the first wish you are
not compelled to wish at all. At the end of five months
the privilege of having your wishes fulfilled is with-
drawn from you. When each wish is granted, and you
see the result and can use it, Something will Occur
which will not hurt you or anybody. And, so far as
our agreement goes, this is all."
"Yes, sir," said Edwina, "you have, I think, men-
tioned everything."
."It only remains, then, for me to give you instruc-
tions how to proceed. Having made up your mind to
36
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
wish, you must decide upon the wish and agree upon
it. Bear in mind that neither of you can wish alone.
You will then take a pinch of snuff, join hands, close
your eyes, and mentally repeat the wish three times.
When you open your eyes you will see your wish ful-
filled. Very simple, is it not?"
" Very simple," said Edwina, " and so easy! Nothing
to learn ! Harold, dear, this exactly suits me."
" And after the fulfillment of the wish," said Harold,
" something will occur that will make people laugh ?"
"Yes; hut it may not occur immediately, as I have
told you, but certainly before two months have passed
by. And now we will shake hands on it."
He held out a hand-to each of them, the right hand
to Edwina, the left to Harold, and directly the four
hands touched Edwina and Harold began to laugh, and,
according to their subsequent testimony, Mr. Wottisnot
joined in the laugh, and almost danced with glee. They
laughed so long and so heartily that the tears ran from
their eyes, and they fell away from each other to hold
their sides.
" Stop, Harold ! " cried Edwina.
" Stop, Edwina! " cried Harold.
" Oh, you delightful, absurd gentleman," gasped
Edwina, addressing Mr. Wottisnot, "do something,
do, to put an end to it, or I shall go off into hys-
terics!"
Mr. Wottisnot did not reply to this appeal, and they
continued to laugh till they were fairly exhausted. By
this time they were sitting on the floor, and Edwina,
as she was wiping the tears from her eyes, became
aware of the fact, and she scrambled to her feet in con-
fusion, rather scandalized at her conduct in behaving
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
37
in so free a manner in the presence of a gentleman
who, after all, was little better than a stranger to them.
Bnt when she looked ronnd for Mr. Wottisnot she
found he was not in the room.
" Harold," she cried, " he is gone! "
CHAPTER IV.
most extraordinary.
Harold, having also scrambled to his feet, looked
about for their visitor, but could see nothing of him.
He was, however, just the kind of frolicsome being who
might have hidden himself somewhere in joke, so they
rumpled the curtains, and peeped behind the chairs and
under the table and sofa, and were at length compelled
to admit that he had taken his departure. They rang
the bell for Priscilla, and the maid—a remarkably
pretty young woman—answered it.
" You admitted a gentleman a little while ago, Pris-
cilia ?"
"Yes, ma'am. Such a funny gentleman ! "
" How funny, Priscilla ?" asked Harold, with a feeble
attempt at severity.
" Do you mean, sir, how much funny he was ?"
" No 5 I mean in what way was he funny ? "
" I can hardly tell you, sir. ' Is Mrs. Sparling in ?'
he asked, when I opened the door to him. ' Yes, sir,'
I said. And Mr. Sparling?' he asked. 'Yes, sir,' I
said. 'Where one is the other is.' 'That,' he said,
'may be depended upon.' And then, sir, he began to
laugh, and he looked so comic that I began to laugh
too. I couldn't help it, he was such a comic gentleman.
Hearing us laugh, Mrs. Lavender and Crumbs came up
to see what the matter was, and the gentleman didn't
38
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
39
more than look at 'em before they began to laugh too,
and our sides ached so that we could hardly stand."
"What on earth were you all laughing at?" asked
Harold.
" That was the funniest part of it, sir. We didn't
know. 'What made you laugh so, Priscilla?' cook
asked me afterward. But I couldn't tell her; and
when I asked her she couldn't tell me. All the gentle-
man did was to look at us, and all he did was to laugh.
He was a funny gentleman, sir! "
" Why didn't you bring in his name or card ?"
" He didn't give me time to ask for it, sir. While
we were laughing he slipped past us, and before I knew
where I was he was in your room."
" Did you let him out, Priscilla ?" asked Edwina.
"Yes, ma'am. I was in the passage with Crumbs
when he came out of your room, and I opened the
street door for him."
" Did you laugh at him again ?"
" I did, ma'am, inside of me; but I kept myself quiet
by stuffing my handkerchief in my mouth."
"Was he laughing when he went away?"
"He was shaking all over, ma'am, and couldn't keep
himself straight. I never saw such a thing in all my
life. He took hold of Crumbs, and they went out to-
gether, and Crumbs came back presently in such a state
as never was. He was laughing so that I was afraid
he would go into a fit. It was curious about Crumbs,
too, sir, because he's been down in the mouth all day,
and wasn't in the humor to laugh, but he says he
couldn't help himself."
" Thank you, Priscilla; that will do."
When the maid was gone, Edwina said, " Now, Har-
40
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
old, let us consider this matter very seriously. If it
were not for Priscilla's statement I should have believed
that it was neither more nor less than a dream. Even
without Priscilla it would be stupid to think so, for
there is the box of chocolate creams on the table—it is
half empty; take one, love—and, I declare, he has left
his snuff-box behind him. How considerate of him!
He knew that we had no snuff of our own. Just look
at the ridiculous picture* on the lid ! A pelican, with
one of his long legs in his side, going into convulsions
of laughter. You are very clever at mythology, dar-
ling; was it Comus or Momus that was always laugh-
ing ? But it doesn't matter which, or whether it was
either. The chocolate creams, the snuff-box, and Pris-
cilia and Crumbs, make it certain that Mr. Wottisnot
was mortal."
" Did you have any doubt of it, Edwina ?"
" O dearest! Such a question ! When you yourself
asked him whether he was—you know who ?"
" It was very rude of me, but it came into my mind,
and out it popped. Upon my word, I was afraid at one
time he would produce a sheet of parchment and would
ask us to sign it with our blood. I would not have
allowed it, darling; I would not have permitted him
to dip his pen in your arm." She gave a shiver. " But
all this is nonsense talk; we must find some other ex-
planation. Why do you jump, dear ?"
" Something had come into my head, Harold. What
if Uncle Theophilus should be at the bottom of it?"
" Isn't that rather an absurd idea, darling, Uncle
Theophilus, as you reminded me a little while ago, be-
ing in his grave three miles away?"
"Yes, I know; and Mr. Wottisnot isn't a bit like
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
41
dear uncle. But think of what he wrote, and whatever
else we are, 0 Harold, let us he logical! "
"By all means," said Harold, pinching her cheek,
" let us be logical, whatever else we are."
"Don't joke, Harold; it isn't a thing to joke about.
As the man in the play says, there is more in this than
meets the eye. Now, Harold, follow me."
" I will follow you, love, to China, or Kamchatka, or
Peru, or into the wilds of Africa. Lead on, my love,
lead on!"
*
"You silly boy! If you don't behave I will make
you wear a fool's cap, and you shall stand on a bench
for three hours. Now, will you follow me ?"
" I will, Edwina."
"Very well, then. Before dear uncle died he gave
us an envelope, and said,1 Whenever you are in a great
difficulty, and don't know how to get out of it, open
this.' We are in a very great difficulty, and we don't
know how to get out of it. Consequently we open the
envelope. Now, what do we read in it ?"
"Nothing that will help us out of our trouble."
" Harold, you are wrong. Here is the last sheet of
paper he wrote. I will read it again. Listen. At the
darkest hour, when all hope appears to have fled, some-
thing will occur to lighten your hearts. And probably
it will be something of a surprising nature, something
you could not even have dreamt of.' Is not this what
you call a coincidence ?"
"That it certainly is, dear, but there is nothing
in coincidences; they happen every minute every-
where."
^ Harold, my poor dear husband," said Edwina, in a
tone of deep commiseration, " I am so sorry for you!
42
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
What do they call those unfortunate persons who never
go to church, and will not believe in anything ? "
" Agnostics, dear."
"I never heard the word," said Edwina, pouting,
" and you are making fun of me. I know the right
word; it has just come to me. Harold, you are an in-
fidel." She nestled her cheek close to his .to console
him. " Why, Uncle Theophilus and Mr. Wottisnot say
the very same thing in the very same words ! Uncle
Theophilus saysv' Something will occur.' Mr. Wrottis-
not says,1 Something will occur.' Are you convinced ?
O Harold, if you love me truly, don't be an infidel! "
" I won't. Everything you say is right, and no one
in his senses could dispute it. What Uncle Theophilus
said has certainly come true. Something has occurred
—something we could not have dreamt of. That is
only one half of this extraordinary adventure. The
other half is still wrapped in mystery."
Edwina detached herself from Harold, and retreating
a step, bent slightly forward and clasped her hands. In
a voice which was almost sepulchral, she whispered:
" Harold ! Shall we ?"
He understood her; they looked at each other with
a kind of affectionate glare in their eyes. Should the
trial be made ? Should the first wish be wished ? This
was the momentous, the thrilling question which agi-
tated them.
"We will not decide too hastily, Edwina," he said,
after a long pause. "We have considered many serious
things to-niglit, but this is the most serious of all. Re-
member, we are not compelled to wish; it is entirely
optional whether we wish at all. If we wish one wish,
we must wish four within the next six months. I
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
43
tremble to tliink of the penalty if we dared to violate
the conditions of the compact into which we have en-
tered."
" We don't know what the penalty is," she said.
" We don't know what anything is," he-replied rather
wildly.
They stood, like Macbeth and his wife, on the thresh-
old of the daring venture which was to make or mar
them—a fairly apt simile, for Edwina was decidedly
the bolder of the two.
" If we only knew what would occur," said Harold,
in a frozen voice.
"He said it would be something to make people
laugh," said Edwina, " therefore it cannot be anything
dreadful. He was a nice-spoken gentleman, and his
chocolate creams are beautiful. If they went off with
a bang when we put them in our mouths I might alter
my opinion of him. But they do not—now, do they,
Harold ? "
" They do not, Edwina."
" See, my dear, how brave I am." She popped one
in her mouth without fear or hesitation. " There,"
she said proudly, as if the matter were settled, and she
clinched it entirely by adding, "And, O Harold, remem-
ber Priscilla's and the cook's wages, and what the
Government will do if the taxes are not paid to-
morrow! "
" Enough," said Harold, bracing himself up, "the die
is cast. It shall be done. But first let us send the
servants to bed."
This being done, and the last echo of Priscilla's and
Mrs. Lavender's footsteps, as they went upstairs to
their bedroom, having died away (Crumbs slept in a
44
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
room in the basement), Edwina and Harold sat down
to their task.
" The first thing we have to do," said Edwina, " is to
settle what our wish shall be." She glanced at the
snuff-box on the table, with its pelican in convulsions
of laughter. "It looks as if it is laughing at us for
what we are about to do. That sounds like grace be-
fore meat, doesn't it, Harold ? For what we are going
to do make us truly thankful. I shall be truly, truly
thankful if we get our wish. Now, Harold, dear, what
shall it be ? Shall it be money ?"
" It must be money," replied Harold, " because the
Government will not take anything else in payment of
taxes. I propose, Money."
" Just like a public meeting," said Edwina, clapping
her hands. "That's the applause, Harold. Oughtn't
I to do something ?"
"You ought to say, 'I second it.'"
" Must I rise ? "
" It is not absolutely necessary. You may be allowed
to do it sitting down."
"No, Harold, I shall rise; it will be more public-
meeting-like." She rose, and extending her hand, said,
" Lady and gentleman—(I'm not going to leave myself
out, you know)—lady and gentleman, I second it."
Then she sat down and said, "What do you think of
that for a speech ?"
"Splendid. You ought to go into Parliament; I
wish the speeches there were double as short."
" Oh ! " cried Edwina, in a voice of alarm; " you said
' wish.' Does that matter, do you think ?"
"No, it doesn't matter. Mr. Wottisnot said our wish
must be something tangible, something you can take
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
45
hold of. You can't take hold of a word, if you shout it
ever so loud. It is proposed and seconded that our first
wish shall be Money. Those in favor of the proposition
hold up their hands. Edwina, hold up your hand. Car-
ried unanimously. The next thing to decide upon is,
how much ? What sum do you suggest, darling ?"
" Let us put it down on paper, Harold, and if they
don't agree we'll divide them."
" A capital suggestion. Here is a piece of paper and
a pencil for you. When you have written -the amount,
fold the paper up so that nobody shall see, and drop it
into your lap. I will do the same."
Edwina put the black end of the pencil in her mouth,
and looked up at the ceiling for an inspiration.
" You mustn't look over my shoulder, Harold."
" I wouldn't do anything so mean, Edwina. There,
I have written my opinion."
He folded the paper and dropped it into her lap, and
Edwina presently did the same.
"You open one," said Edwina, "and I will open the
other. I don't want to take advantage of you."
She opened her paper, and said, "Two Thousand
Pounds." Harold opened his paper, and said, "Two
Thousand Pounds." They looked at each other and
smiled, and Edwina said, " Is it not remarkable, love,
that we should both write the same sum, and should
both put two capital T's and one capital P to the words ?
It is fate, Harold, that's what it is. What is the next
thing ? "
" The snuff." She made a wry face. " It has to be
taken, Edwina, and I think you had best take your
pinch yourself without my assistance, or the charm
may be broken."
46
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Very well, dear," said Edwina resignedly, "I will
do my best."
They opened the box, and each took a pinch from it.
As they were raising their fingers to their noses Edwina
exclaimed, " What is that ?"
" What is what ?" asked Harold.
" I thought I heard a laugh."
"I thought so, too, but I wouldn't say anything.
Listen."
They listened, but heard not a sound. The house
was perfectly quiet.
" It must have been fancy, Edwina."
"Yes, dear. Naturally we are a little nervous. 0
Harold, shall we go on with it ?"
"The Government will call for the taxes to-morrow,
and the girls will want their wages, to say nothing of
the tradesmen's bills. But we will stop if you like."
" No, Harold, we will not stop," said Edwina hero-
ically. " Besides, perhaps we couldn't if we tried, now
that we have gone so far. I am going to take my
pinch."
Simultaneously they both sniffed up, and simultane-
ously they both sneezed three times.
" It is rather strong," said Edwina, " but not at all
unpleasant. And I have read somewhere that sneez-
ing is good for the health."
"The last thing we have to do," said Harold, "is to
join hands—give me yours, darling—and close our eyes
—close them, dearest—and wish for Two Thousand
Pounds. We will say it quietly to ourselves three
times, and when I call, 'Now,' we will both open our
eyes at the same time. Are you ready ?"
"Yes, Harold," said Edwina, in a tremulous voice.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
47
They were so close to each other that you could not
have slipped a sheet of paper between them.
" Then begin."
They went through the formula, and then Harold
cried, " Now! " and they opened their eyes.
There, on the table, lay a great pile of golden sover
eigns, and it really looked as if there were more than
two thousand of them, but this they could easily find
out by counting. They were so amazed that they did
not turn their heads to each other, but sat staring,
open-mouthed, at the wonderful sight. Where the
money had come from, how it had come, up through
the floor, or down through the ceiling, and who had
spirited it into the room—these questions formed a
mystery which it was impossible to fathom. For a
long, long time there was a dead silence; they were
frightened to speak, they were frightened to move.
At length they found their voices.
u Edwina!"
" Harold!"
They spoke both together, and were surprised at the
sound of their voices, which, though perfectly familiar
to their ears, were at the same time strange to them.
A still further surprise awaited them. Harold raised
his hand to caress his mustache, as he was in the habit
of doing, and as Edwina loved to see him do, he did it
with such an air, but his fingers traveled over a smooth
upper lip. His mustache was gone! At the same
moment Edwina raised her hand to her hair to smooth
it, as women are in the habit of doing unconsciously,
and if fingers ever expressed consternation, her fingers
expressed it, for she could not find her hair. It had
vanished! They turned to each other in bewilderment,
48
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
and as their glances met Harold uttered a piercing
scream and Edwina a loud shout. She saw her head
and hair on Harold's shoulders. Rushing to the mirror
over the mantelpiece she stared at it, and shouted again
at seeing Harold's head and hair on her shoulders.
Something had occurred. They had changed faces !
CHAPTER Y.
each other's heads.
"O Harold ! " sobbed Edwina. "Do you know
what has occurred ? Don't sit there like a stone, but
come and look at yourself in the glass! "
He rose slowly, and stood by her side. Yes, it was
astonishingly, bewilderingly true. He was Edwina,
and Edwina was he. Not altogether; only partially so.
His hands and arms were his own, his feet and legs
and shoulders were his own, and he had not grown
shorter—there was a good four inches difference in
their height. But his face, and every feature, and his
hair, were Edwina's. And Edwina was in a similar fix.
Her hands and arms were her own, her feet and legs
and shoulders were her own, and she had not grown
taller. But her face, and every feature in it, and her
hair were Harold's.
In a thin, sepulchral, feminine voice Harold said,
"Something has occurred with a vengeance. We are
each other. This is our doom ! "
"Harold," remonstrated Edwina in a manly tone,
"pray don't speak so low down in your throat. Re-
member, it is my voice you are using, and you have no
right to make it horrid. I never spoke so to you when
I was me."
" I am not speaking to you, Edwina," said Harold,
" I am speaking to me, and I speak as I feel. If your
49
50
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
voice sounds ghostly it is not my fault; it is yours,
and you mustn't blame me for what I cannot help."
" This is frightful," said Edwina, examining herself
more closely in the mirror.
" Thank you, Edwina," said Harold. " Considering
that it is my face you are passing your opinion on, I
feel highly flattered."
" Harold," said Edwina, with just a dash of severity,
" considering that it is my face you are glaring at in
the glass in that panic-stricken manner, I ought to feel
flattered. There was a time when you did not think
me so hideous as you evidently do now."
"You are misjudging me, Edwina," said Harold,
" and I beg your pardon for reproaching you. It was
not generous of me, when you said, 1 This is frightful/
to suppose it was my face you meant."
"No, Harold; indeed, indeed it was not your face
I referred to. I was thinking of things in a general
way. Could I speak disparagingly of your features?
Don't, don't think that I could, or you will break my
heart!"
" I will not, Edwina. And when I glare in the glass
at the head on my shoulders, it is not because I think
less of your loveliness, but because I am terrified at the
thought of what I shall do with it. My poor Edwina! "
He drew his head to his breast and caressed it, but
he let it go suddenly when he felt it was his own face
he was fondling. She had passed her arm round his
neck, and had released him the moment she felt it was
her own hair she was smoothing. And then they gazed
at each other, and, miserable and perplexed as they
were, they could not for the life of them repress a
smile. It was like the sun breaking through the dark
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
51
clouds, and the smile grew brighter and their hearts a
little lighter.
u My own darling! " said Harold. "We must not be
disagreeable and hasty; it will only add to the horrors
of our extraordinary position. We will try and make
the best of it. I don't know who has the best of it, you
with my features or I with yours. All that I know at
this precise moment is that your back hair has come
down, and I haven't the slightest idea what to do with
it. Could you manage to put it up for me ?"
Laughing and sobbing at the same time, Edwina
with a skillful touch or two arranged her hair.
"I never till now," continued Harold, "properly ap-
preciated the admirable qualities of your sex. We are
apt, my love—I may call you my love, I hope, to my
face without laying myself open to the charge of vanity
—to underrate the thousand and one excellences with
which custom has familiarized us. Now, is there a
man in the world who could have done in less than a
minute what you have done to this beautiful head of
hair, reducing chaos to the most exquisite order by the
merest touch ? I issue a challenge to all, to the great-
est statesman, to the most famous soldier, to the most
eminent painter, sculptor, musician, author—to one
and all I say, L You are very wonderful creatures 5 but
I will lay you a heavy wager'"—his eyes wandered to
the pile of gold on the table—"' that you cannot do
what my Edwina has just done, and could, I have no
doubt, do with her eyes shut.' Could you ?"
" Oh yes," replied Edwina; " easily. I often do."
" My darling, you are a living wonder. When I felt
your fingers playing about the back of your neck thrills
of gratitude ran through me at the sweet touch. < They
52
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
are Edwina's fingers/ I said to myself, ' not my clumsy
ones.' That is something to be grateful for."
"Harold, dear," said Edwina tearfully, "can you
describe exactly how you feel now I'm you % "
"I wish you would put it a little clearer; but it is
perhaps unkind to expect you to do that. Postpone
the question, Edwina, till I know how much of me is
you, and how much of you is me."
" O Harold! " she cried, giving way, and falling into
his arms, " this is very, very dreadful! "
" Mind your back hair, darling, and bear up. Learn
philosophy. We will take lessons together. I don't
know how philosophers commence, but it will come to
us if we devote ourselves seriously to it. We have
brought this upon ourselves, remember; we sent out
the invitation. If we had known beforehand it would
not have occurred, and things would have been alto-
gether different. You will do me the justice to admit
that I pressed Mr. Wottisnot to give us an idea what
would occur after we had got our wish, but he would
give us no satisfaction. We couldn't drag it out of
him. Edwina, do you like my mustache 1 "
" It is the loveliest mustache in the world," she re-
plied. " You twiddle it this way, don't you ?"
She pulled out each end, and curled it with the tips
of her fingers.
"You'll get the knack of it in time. Treat it gently,
darling; it is the only one I have—I mean the only
one I had—and if it is ever in my possession again I
should wish it to come back to me unimpaired. When
I call you darling, or love, or dearest, you understand
that I am addressing that part of you which com-
mences with your shoulders and goes down to your
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
53
feet, and that part of me which commences with my
shoulders and goes up to my scalp."
"I quite understand, dear Harold, and I am doing
the same."
" And you will likewise understand, my poor dear,
why I cannot put my head on my shoulders as often
as I would wish. Even to fondly pinch my cheek—
yours, Edwina—appears to me an absurdity. But, Ed-
wina, a blissful thought comes into my mind. Though
you have my head and I have yours, there is no reason
why we should not kiss. It will not be kissing our-
selves, it will really be kissing each other the reverse
way. Let us try it, darling."
She lifted his face to hers with alacrity, and when
their lips met they clung together with fond tenacity.
It was really as if there were glue on them. Then with
a long-drawn sigh of ecstasy their first fond reverse-
kiss came to an end.
" It is all right, my pet," said Harold joyously; " we
can at least kiss and be happy. The joys of life are
not entirely lost to us. Edwina, women often wish
they were men. Hid you ever ?"
"Yes, Harold, dear, but never since I knew you. I
wouldn't be anything else than I am—I mean than I
was—for all the gold in all the world. Harold, this
will not last forever, will it ?"
" I devoutly hope not, darling," he replied. " Remem-
ber, it is only one of four things that will occur during
the next six months. It is impossible to believe that it
will last forever."
"In that case," said Edwina, with an attempt at
sprightliness, " I should like to see how I look in your
hat and stick."
54
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
He opened the door cautiously and listened to make
sure that the servants would not break in upon them,
and then he went to the hat-stand in the passage and
brought in his hat and stick. Edwina put on the hat,
and swaggered up and down the room, twirling his
mustache. Harold shook her head.
" Not quite the thing, Edwina."
" It wants practice, Harold," said Edwina. " Don't
be mean, dearest. Give me time."
But she did not have the heart to continue this com-
edy long; the perplexing possibilities of the extraordi-
nary transformation were too serious to be made alto-
gether light of. She took off the hat and sat at the
table and made Harold sit by her side.
" What are we to do to-morrow, dear," she said, " if
we remain as we are? We dare not let the servants
see us."
"At present," he replied, "my mind, or your mind,
is in such a state of confusion that I cannot decide
what it will be advisable to do to-morrow. Perhaps I
had better sit up all night and think of a plan."
" No, Harold," said Edwina, in a tone of decision. " I
will not allow part of me to be kept up all night. We
need all our strength, and sleep we must have."
« Very well, dear," said Harold, with sad resignation,
" we had best postpone the consideration of what we
shall do to-morrow till to-morrow comes. Heaven only
knows how I shall feel when I put your head on my
pillow. We must keep the door locked in any room we
are in, especially the bedroom. Priscilla brings us a
cup of tea in the morning. We dare not let her in;
she would go into a fit. Are you deluding yourself
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
55
with, the idea that we shall be able to sleep with this
hanging over us ?"
" Harold," said Edwina beseechingly, " do be good to
me! Do go to sleep! If you keep awake while I'm
asleep I shall have only half a night's rest."
"I will do my best," said Harold5 "that is all I can
promise. You have read a great deal, Edwina."
" Thousands and thousands of novels, Harold."
" In any one of them, dear, have you come across a
case like ours ?"
"No, dear, not in one of them. Uncle Theophilus
said Something we could not have dreamt of; then how
could anybody think of such a thing as this ? There is
only one consolation. The Government taxes can be
paid to-morrow, and all the tradesmen's bills, if—if—
if Oh, what a horrid idea ! "
" Out with it, Edwina; I am prepared for anything."
" If this is really gold," she added under her breath.
" If it is not counterfeit! "
" Unfortunately," said Harold gloomily, " I haven't a
sovereign in my pocket to compare them with. But
they feel all right, dear. They ring well and they are
heavy. They are genuine, without doubt, wherever
they came from; and this "—touching first Edwina's
head and then his own—" is the price we pay for them.
Let us count the money, Edwina; be very quiet for
fear of waking Priscilla and Mrs. Lavender, to say
nothing of Crumbs. If they heard the sound of chink-
ing gold, and crept downstairs in their bare feet and
peeped through the keyhole, they would jump at the
conclusion that we had committed a robbery, and it
wrould either be 'Your money or your life!' or the
56
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
police would be called in and we should be handcuffed
and dragged to the station. Put them in piles of ten,
Edwina; twenties might topple over. There's my first
hundred done."
They proceeded with their task as quietly as they
could, but occasionally a sovereign rolled to the floor,
and they would both kneel to look for it. Their heads
knocking together, Harold's hairpins fell out, and the
ludicrous attempts he made to stick them in again
would, under happier circumstances, have sent Edwina
into shrieks of laughter. As it was she could not help
feeling amused at his efforts, and she teased him some-
times by not coming to his assistance. At length the
task was finished ; all the money was counted, and
twenty rows of one hundred sovereigns each lay on the
table. Two thousand pounds—not a sovereign more
nor a sovereign less.
"No further proof is required," observed Harold.
"We are in the hands of fate, and we cannot escape.
If there were one short, or one over, I might have my
doubts, but the precise sum being what we wished for
entirely convinces me. We must take the money up-
stairs and hide it in the wardrobe. I have no wish to
be murdered in my bed."
" Leaving me out of the question," said Edwina sadly.
" When I say me I mean us, or, if you would prefer
it, when I say I, I mean we. I entreat you not to be so
sensitive, Edwina. I will go upstairs and get my Glad-
stone bag to put the money in. Everything is quiet in
the house—Crumbs in the basement and Mrs. Lavender
and Priscilla on the top floor are sleeping soundly. I
hear Crumbs snoring loud enough to wake the dead."
' What a dreadful thing to say at a moment like
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
57
this/' said Edwina, trembling. "I will come with
you."
"No, Edwina, you must remain here and guard the
treasure till I come down."
"I will not," she said, with singular violence; "no,
Harold, I will not be left alone with this"—she'almost
threw his head at him—" and with Crumbs downstairs
waking the dead with his snores ! "
Harold gave her a reproachful look which cut her to
the heart. What dreadful misapprehensions and mis-
conceptions this wonderful changing of faces was pro-
ducing! Words slipped out which were not intended
to wound or offend, and directly they were taken up
the miserable construction they bore stung both their
suffering souls. What was the use of continually try-
ing to explain themselves when the sting was sure to
remain in the wound ? Upstairs they went in silence,
and came down with the Gladstone bag, in which they
packed the amazing result of their first disastrous wish.
Then they returned to their bedroom, Harold carrying
the gold, which he found to be surprisingly heavy.
"I would never have believed," he said, "that two
thousand pounds were such a weight. Mr. Wottisnot
was quite right in limiting us. If we had wished for a
million, we should have been forced to leave it scattered
about the house, and the most dreadful stories would
have got into the papers."
The bag was placed in the wardrobe, and the door
securely locked. After which they prepared for bed.
And now came fresh complications and perplexities.
Edwina was in the habit of putting the front of her
hair in curl-papers every night, and Harold endeavored
to perform the duty which devolved upon him, but he
58
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
made such a frightful bungle of it that he gave it up
in despair.
" I shall go to bed as it is," he said.
" You shall not," said Edwina, with tears in his eyes.
" I will not have my beautiful hair ruined ! And, oh
dear, what a state it is in! Sit down, sir, and let me
do it for you."
So Harold had to sit down, and, with a bath-towel
round his neck, had to submit to having her hair nicely
brushed and combed and done up, the curl-paper oper-
ation bringing tears into her eyes.
"You screw up very tight, love," he said.
" I think I am the best judge how it should be done,"
she said, tapping her head smartly with the brush, and
screaming, " Oh, my poor dear head ! " a moment after-
wards, when she realized that it was herself she was
punishing. They had a little laugh over this, and
Harold declared it served her right.
" Ought I to put on your nightdress?" he asked.
" Certainly not," she replied.
" I am very glad," he said; " it would have been so
short for me."
Despite their trouble they were soon asleep, the ex-
citing events of the evening having completely tired
them out.
CHAPTER VI.
priscilla does not know what to make of it.
Harold was the first to awake. The sun was shining
through the blind as he opened his eyes. Seeing his
own head upon the adjoining pillow, wrapt in slumber,
he gazed at it in stupefied amazement, and for a few
moments thought that he was under the influence of
some horribly preposterous dream, but the truth gradu-
ally dawned upon him, and he recollected all that had
occurred.
"We are still each other," he thought. "How on
earth are we to get through the day 1 and what a bother
all this hair is about my face ! Dear Edwina's hair."
He put .it to her lips and kissed it. He felt very
tender toward his little wife, and a great pity for her
stirred his heart.
"We were snappish to each other last night," he
thought. " It shall not occur again if I can help it. I
will keep guard over myself, and I will not say a word
to hurt my darling's feelings. If she is cross I will
answer her softly, and then she will be sorry. After
all, what is done cannot be undone—at least, we cannot
undo it. I wish I knew Mr. Wottisnot's address. It
was very stupid of me not to get his card. Then I
should know where he lives. Perhaps he will call to-
day to see how we are getting on. If he does I will
ask him if he can't make something else occur instead
59
60
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
of this. Poor dear Edwina! How will she take it
when she wakes up ? I must console her—I must say
nice things to her." He contemplated his head on the
pillow. " I believe I am the first man since the creation
of the world who ever had the opportunity of gazing
at his own features while he was asleep. I don't look
at all bad, upon my word I don't. There is rather a
nice, not to say a seraphic, expression 011 my face—
almost as if I were a child again. Edwina is stretching
her arms. Pll shut her eyes and pretend to be asleep,
but I'll just peep through and see what she does."
Edwina drew a deep breath and yawned—she always
yawned the first thing in the morning—and she half
opened his eyes and closed them again.
" Dear Harold ! " she murmured, and her white arms
went round his neck. "You lazy boy! Are you not
awake ? I have had such a funny dream ! "
Then she opened his eyes wide, and was quite awake.
As his eyes rested upon her head, she uttered a smoth-
ered shriek and sat up and gazed at it in fright; and
Harold knew that she was experiencing emotions sim-
ilar to his own. The remembrance of what had oc-
curred came to her gradually, as it had come to him,
and when she realized the situation she sank back upon
her pillow and sobbed quietly to herself. Presently she
grew calmer, and wiping his eyes, fixed them upon her
face with curious interest. Harold saw that she was
pleased to know that she looked so pretty when she was
asleep. Her fingers touched her face and caressed it,
and wandered to her hair and smoothed it. Harold
kept quite still, his heart overflowing with love for his
girl-wife, and when she took his hand and fondly pressed
and held it between her own, he said:
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
61
" I am awake, Edwina, darling. Do you feel well !"
" Yes, dear Harold, I feel well, I think," she said, with
a sigh. "We can't make quite sure of anything just
now, you know. It was a shock to wake up and find I
had been sleeping without my head, and I could not at
first believe it was real. But it is too, too real! 'Sh !
There's a knock at the door."
" It's Priscilla," he whispered. " She can't come in."
" I've brought your tea, ma'am," said Priscilla, from
the landing.
"Leave it on the tray outside, Priscilla. We will
take it in when we want it."
"Yes, ma'am/' (It was Harold with Edwina's voice
who had answered her.) "What shall I do with the hot
water, ma'am !"
" Leave it on the mat, Priscilla."
"Yes, ma'am. I've brought the petticoat you told
me to put a stitch in."
" Leave it on the mat, Priscilla."
"Yes, ma'am. And master's trousers I've put a
button on."
" Leave them on the mat, Priscilla."
"Yes, ma'am. And please, ma'am, the cat's got kit-
tens, and I'd like to know what I'm to do with them."
" Leave them on the m—no, I don't mean that. Do
the usual thing with them."
"Yes, ma'am."
" I will not have the poor little things dropped in a
pail of water and drowned," shouted Edwina. "Do
you hear me, Priscilla! You are not to do it! "
" Yes, sir," said the astonished Priscilla, for of course,
although it was her mistress who spoke, it was her
master's voice that the girl now heard. When she was
62
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
in the kitchen she told Mrs. Lavender thac she had left
everything on the mat, and had been told to leave the
kittens there; that it was mistress who wanted the kit-
tens drowned and master who didn't; that the last time
the cat had kittens it was master who dropped them in
a pail and kept them under water with a short broom,
and mistress who had fished them out and put them
before the fire to dry • and that she didn't know what
to make of it all.
" Priscilla," said Mrs. Lavender, " you're a single girl;
you think you're up to things, but you're mistaken—
you've got a lot to learn before you die, and you'll be
very much astonished. Married people have their ways.
When you're married you'll have yours."
" I dare say I shall," said Priscilla, " but if ever I am
married, and can keep a servant of my own, I shall
never tell her to leave a parcel of blind kittens on the
mat outside my bedroom door."
" You don't know," retorted the cook sententiously,
u what you'll do when you're married, and you don't
know what you'll have to do."
After which utterance, which she believed to contain
the concentrated essence of human wisdom, she pro-
ceeded with her preparations for breakfast.
Meanwhile Harold had jumped out of bed, and listen-
ing at the door for Priscilla's retreating footsteps,
opened it when all was safe, and took in the tea and
the hot water and the petticoat and trousers. Then he
relocked the door, looked into the wardrobe to see that
the Gladstone bag with the two thousand sovereigns
had not vanished in the night, and scrambled into bed
again to discuss matters with Edwina, and settle their
plans for the day.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
63
" The position we are in, love/' he said, " needs all our
courage and all our calmness. We must bring the
judicial mind to bear upon it. I was awake some time
before you this morning, and a good many thoughts
ran through my mind while I was gazing at my dear
face on your pillow. Will it be necessary, I thought,
for me to dress in Edwina's clothes and for her to dress
in mine ? For we must get up, dear; we can't remain
in bed forever, and have everything left on the mat
outside 5 it might excite remark."
"Your trousers," said Edwina, "would be much too
long for me; I should have to turn them up to my
knees. That would excite remark. And I could never
wear your coat, darling; it would come down to my
heels, and I should look a perfect sack in it."
" In a similar manner," observed Harold, " inversely,
if you will allow me to speak so ridiculously, I do not
see how I could wear your clothes, love. Your petti-
coats would come a very short way down, and your
frock would show a great deal of leg. My legs are
thick and muscular, and if people saw them and took
them for yours—as they would naturally with your
head on my shoulders—they would not do you credit.
We must avoid discovery, Edwina, or we shall be seized
and locked up in a private lunatic asylum. We cannot
show ourselves all at once, but only bit by bit."
" Speak a little plainer, there's a darling," said Edwina.
"What I mean is, that it would not matter if we
showed the upper part of ourselves without the lower,
or the lower part of ourselves without the upper."
"But how on earth is that to be managed, Harold?"
" I have a rough idea, Edwina, which I hope will take
practical shape in the course of the morning. Is it
64
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
decided that we cannot allow the whole of ourselves to
be seen at once ?"
" Yes."
" And that we cannot cut ourselves away from the
world entirely ?"
" Yes."
"We must be careful, too, with our voices. I have
your voice, you have mine. Therefore you must say
what I want to say, and I must say what you want to
say." Edwina put her hand on his forehead despair-
ingly. " Do not let it worry you, love; we will manage
it. We have made one mistake already, and must try
to avoid making others. I don't know what Priscilla
will think, for your voice told her to drown the kittens,
and my voice was raised to save them."
" She will think I have grown very hard-hearted all
of a sudden. She used to like me, and I like to be
liked 5 now she will turn against me. Harold, shall we
take her into our confidence ?"
" It would be a distinctly wrong step. We can scarcely
realize our own feelings. Imagine what hers would be.
She is a good girl, but she has a tongue, and she would
not be human if she did not talk about us. It would
get all over the neighborhood, and we should be made
a show of. Our lives would be a misery. We are so
unfortunately situated that we dare not take any one
into our confidence; we are forced to depend entirely
upon ourselves."
"We must have breakfast," said Edwina sorrowfully,
u and Priscilla must bring it into the room."
" Not while we are present," said, Harold. " I will
ring and give her instructions."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
65
In response to the summons Priscilla's voice was heard
outside.
"Yes, ma'am?"
"You must speak," whispered Edwina.
" Priscilla," said Harold, " go and ask cook how many
eggs she has."
"Yes, ma'am."
"What for?" whispered Edwina.
" I will tell you presently; there is no time now."
Priscilla's voice was heard again. " Four, ma'am, not
counting the cooking ones."
" Cooking eggs will not do, Priscilla," said Harold.
" Send Crumbs to the milkshop for three dozen new-
laid eggs."
"Yes, ma'am."
"And tell the cook to boil them for breakfast. I
want them boiled very hard."
"Yes, ma'am. How many shall cook boil, ma'am?"
" All of them."
" The whole three dozen, ma'am ?"
"Yes, the whole three dozen—boiled—very hard.
Edwina, love," in a whisper to her, " be quiet. Don't
kick me." Aloud to the servant, "And, Priscilla ! "
"Yes, ma'am?"
" Let breakfast be prepared at once, and take it into
the room. We shall not want you to wait on us."
"Very well, ma'am. What's to be done with the
hard-boiled eggs ?"
" Bring them up with the rest of the breakfast."
" What, ma'am, all of them ?"
" Every one. I dare say I can get through them."
" Gracious powers ! " thought Edwina. " My head
66
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
is having an effect upon him. He is going out of his
senses."
"We haven't got enough egg-cups, ma'am," said
Priscilla. " Shall I buy three dozen ?"
"No, Priscilla. Arrange the eggs about the table."
"Yes, ma'am. Anything more, ma'am?"
"Nothing more, Priscilla," said Harold, very sweetly.
" That will do for the present. Be sure you do every-
thing I have told you."
"Yes, ma'am." And Priscilla departed.
"What will they think of me in the kitchen?"
said Edwina. " Priscilla has gone away with the idea
that I intend to eat thirty-six hard-boiled eggs for
breakfast. And what do you want with such a quan-
tity?"
" Edwina, love," replied Harold, " we must prepare
for emergencies. In a manner of speaking we are in
a state of siege, and hard-boiled eggs are not at all bad
things to have by us. When we succeed in getting
safely into the room downstairs we don't want to be
continually ringing for Priscilla. We wish to see as
little of her as possible, and we wish her to see as
little of us as possible. Hard-boiled eggs and salt
and pepper, and some bread which I shall appro-
priate—I ought to have told her to bring up an extra
loaf—will do for lunch and supper. When we feel
faint we shall have food ready to our hands. Until
we get our ideas into regular working order, or until
you are you again, and I am I—let us pray for that
happy moment to arrive soon—we must make shift.
And now, dear, we must get up. There are serious
duties before us, and we must prepare for them." He
got out of bed, and filled the basin with cold water.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
67
" I must do without a bath this morning, Edwina," he
said, as he stooped over the basin.
" Stop, Harold, stop! " shouted Edwina.
" What's the matter ?" he asked, looking up.
" Don't plunge my head in cold water," she implored,
" and don't use soap to my face ! "
" It will be rather disagreeable not to use cold water,"
he said, checking the rebellious words that were rising
to her lips, " and it's what I am not accustomed to; I
shall feel horribly stale all day. I never could under-
stand how you can keep your face so nice and clean
without soap."
" It makes the skin rough and coarse, love," said
Edwina. "You wouldn't like me half so well if I
used soap. It doesn't matter for a man, but a wo-
man's different. Take warm water, love, for my
face; you may use cold for your hands and arms.
And don't touch my hair; I will do it when you're
ready."
It was an interesting and curious sight to see the
slight figure of Edwina, with his large head on her
shoulders, bending over him as he sat in his chair, un-
twisting the curl-papers, and combing and brushing
her beautiful locks with loving care, and finally doing
them up in a Grecian knot.
" There, Harold, doesn't it look nice 1"
" It looks all right now it is done, but I was afraid
once or twice that you were going to scre w the eyes
out of your head."
"You will get used to it, love, before long, if we con-
tinue to be each other. I have done it in a Grecian
knot, so that it shall not bother you. I am getting
quite used to your mustache, and I can understand the
68
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
pleasure it must give you to keep twisting and twirling
the ends. You wax it a little, don't you?"
" I'll attend to that. Don't meddle with my belong-
ings. I say, Edwina, you powder, I believe ? Where's
the puff? How nice it smells! It is quite refresh-
ing!"
She screamed with laughter as he dabbed the powder
on her face. When he put the powder back in the box
he looked like a clown in a pantomime. There was one
good feature in what had occurred: it did not make
them altogether sad and miserable; there were mo-
ments when they could see and enjoy its comic side. So
Edwina laughed when she saw how he applied the nice-
smelling powder, and he laughed when he looked at
herself in the glass. While Edwina proceeded with her
dressing, Harold was busy making some water hot over
a spirit lamp.
" What is that for ?" asked Edwina.
" You will know presently," he replied. "You per-
formed on me last night, and you've performed on me
this morning. I'm going to perform on you. Sit down
in this chair."
" WTiat for ?"
" Sit down, Edwina, if you don't want to make me
cross. Let me put this towel round your neck. Do
you feel comfortable ?"
"Harold," said Edwina, with inward apprehension,
" what are you going to do ?"
" I am going to shave me."
She tore the towel from her neck, jumped up, and
scrambled under the bedstead.
" Come out, Edwina," said Harold persuasively.
" I will not," she sobbed, " unless you promise not to.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
69
Do promise, there's a good boy! Don't be horrid,
Harold, dear!"
" I cannot promise," said Harold. " I cannot lose my
sense of self-respect. More than ever mnst I preserve
it now that I'm yon. I will not let yon go abont with
my face in that state."
" Bnt no one will see it," she implored.
" I shall see it, Edwina. Be reasonable, love. Come
ont and be shaved. If yon don't—yes, if yon don't,
Edwina, I will shave you instead of me ! One of onr
faces must be shaved. Take yonr choice, Edwina."
Peeping from nnder the bedstead, she saw him dig
the shaving-brash in the lather and flourish it. With
a piercing scream she rnshed from her hiding-place and
canght his arm.
" Oh, dear Harold," she implored, " yon will never be
so cruel as to shave my face ! "
"I will, Edwina, indeed I will," was his implacable
reply, "if yon do not let me shave mine. Do you give
in?"
"Yes, Harold, I give in. Yon won't rasp me, dear,
will you? Yon won't let your razor slip? It is your
face, I know, but I shall feel it if you cut me."
" Remain quite still, love, and yon will hardly feel
the razor going over my chin. That's right, darling.
Hold my head back while I lather me. There, Edwina,
if yon will open my month, of course the brash will slip
in. Never mind—it is clean soap, and yon can rinse
it out when I've done. Excuse my taking hold of
my nose, love; the most eminent men have to submit
to it. Keep perfectly-still. It doesn't hurt you, does
it?"
" N—n—no, Harold!"
70
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" My razors are in splendid condition. You're almost
done, darling. Just one moment more. There !"
He laid the razor down, and wiped the lather ten-
derly from his face. She rose timorously, and stood
before the dressing-table. A smile came gradually to
his lips as she looked at himself in the glass. Now that
the dangerous operation was over she could not help
feeling a certain pride. She had been shaved! It was
indeed a proud moment in her life.
When she had washed his face he put the finishing
touches to his mustache, and soon they were ready to
go downstairs. Taking the Gladstone bag from the
wardrobe, they opened the bedroom door and listened.
" I hear Priscilla's voice in the kitchen," he whispered;
" we shall not be seen. 'Sh ! Don't make a noise."
No fairy ever stepped more softly than they as they
descended. They reached the breakfast-room; they
slipped in and locked the door.
" Safe! " exclaimed Harold, and they both breathed
more freely.
CHAPTER VII.
harold thinks of an ingenious plan.
The breakfast was on the table, and they were con-
vulsed at the sight of the thirty-six hard-boiled eggs
which Priscilla had arranged like a daisy chain round
the cnps and plates. There was a window in the room
which looked out upon the garden, and the first thing
Harold did after locking the door was to pull down the
blind, with the remark that they must not give anybody
the chance of peeping in. Then he put the eggs in
the sideboard cupboard, and they sat down to break-
fast.
" Eat as much as you can," said Harold. " It is a
duty, even if you have no appetite. The tea is cold,
the toast is cold, everything is cold, but we are going
to look at the bright side, and make the best, and not
the worst, of our position. There's Priscilla knocking.
What do you want, Priscilla ?"
" The butcher's called for orders, ma'am, and cook
wants to know what you would like for dinner."
" Steak, I think, Edwina," said Harold in a low tone.
" It's easy to carve." Edwina nodded. " Steak, Pris-
cilia—the best cut—a large slice. Don't go, Priscilla."
Again in a low tone to Edwina, " Being as we are, love,
and not in a state to see anybody or go out, I think we
might venture on onions." She assented. "And onions,
Priscilla."
71
72
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
"Yes, ma'am. The greengrocer's called, ma'am."
" Asparagus, Priscilla, and a roly-poly pudding. And,
Priscilla, after you've given the orders I want you to
come up again in five minutes."
" Yes, ma'am. Have you finished breakfast, ma'am ? "
"Not yet. We will hand you the things when you
come up."
Priscilla did not understand this, but it was made
clear to her when she returned, and the cups and
saucers and plates were handed out to her one by one
through the door, which was opened just wide enough
for hands to pass through. Harold deemed it as well
to explain matters to her by saying that they were en-
gaged in some business of a very particular nature,
and did not wish to be disturbed. But Priscilla was
by no means satisfied with this explanation. As the
things were handed out to her she put them down on
the passage floor, and when the door was shut and
locked upon her she stood gazing at them in dumb
amazement. Presently she knocked at the door again.
"Well, Priscilla?"
" Is this all, ma'am ?"
"Yes, Priscilla, that is all."
" Have I got everything, ma'am ? "
"Yes, everything."
Priscilla took the things to the kitchen.
" There's something funny going on in the house,"
she said to the cook.
"Never you mind what's going on in the house,"
retorted the cook, who was a woman disposed to accept
everything for granted. "Run up and fetch the re-
mainder of the things."
" I've brought everything down."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
73
" But the hard-boiled eggs! " exclaimed the cook.
"They've eaten every one of them/7 said Priscilla,
" and swallowed the shells.77
" Mercy on us!77 gasped the cook, and fell against
the dresser.
" Perhaps you don't think that's funny," said Pris-
cilia, with pardonable sarcasm. " Thirty-six hard-boiled
eggs for two people!77
" It is funny," admitted the cook, " and I can't make
it out, unless they've done it for a wager. See who's
at the street door." ,
Priscilla flew and opened the door, and then pro-
ceeded to the breakfast-room.
" The man for the taxes, sir," she called out.
"Wait a moment, Priscilla."
Harold, who had already taken a handful of sover-
eigns from the Gladstone bag, counted out the money
for the parish rates. This sum he gave to the girl
through the scarcely opened door, and instructed her
to pay the collector at once. "And don't bother me
with the receipt," he said; " let cook keep it till I ask
for it."
Priscilla paid the Government collector and returned
to the kitchen.
"It gets mysteriouser and mysteriouser," she re-
marked. " Their voices are mixed. Master says what
missis ought to say, and missis says what master ought
to say, and they keep the door locked. It beats me,
cook, that's what it does."
"Harold, dear," said Edwina, "we cannot possibly
go on like this. We must speak to Priscilla face to
face or she will run away without giving us notice;
and if she goes, Mrs. Lavender and Crumbs will very
74
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
likely go too—and then what shall we do when we are
left in the house all alone ?"
"It would be a good thing for us," said Harold.
"We could lock the street and back doors, and put
down all the blinds, and go about the house without
our hearts coming into our mouths every time we heard
a sound. We should hear no footsteps but our own;
we should be alone—alone—alone ! "
"Harold, you are speaking wildly. Do not say
1 alone' again three times in that thrilling voice. I am
nervous enough as it is."
"I beg your pardon, love, but for the moment I
forgot myself. When I uttered the first 'alone' my
voice happened, as you say, to be rather thrilling, and
I was carried away and fancied I was reciting at a
penny reading. But seriously, our being left to our-
selves would have its advantages. There would be no
risk of discovery. We could do our own cooking and
make our own bed. You could sweep a room if you
tried, couldn't you ?"
"Yes, I could; but, O Harold, I couldn't do the
washing."
"What matters washing," said Harold gloomily,
" when nobody will see us ? I should not want clean
shirts and collars; we could go about anyhow."
"And who would answer the door, dear?"
" Why should we answer it at all ?"
" How unkind you are ! You are losing sight of the
simplest things. There's the dustman, the postman,
and all the tradesmen. And they all ask questions,
Harold, which must be answered."
"No difficulty in that, love," said Harold. "I can
bore a hole in the kitchen entrance door and the front
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
75
door, and we can peep through to see who it is, and
then we can blow onr answers through the hole."
"As you insist upon being unkind and ridiculous,"
said Edwina, with a reproachful look, " we will argue
the matter out. I am not sorry I married you, Harold,
but I had no idea that married life had such trials as
these. The butcher comes. Any orders to-day, mum ?;
he asks. A leg of lamb,' I answer. ' Thank you, mum,'
he says, and goes away, and comes back again in half
an hour with the leg of lamb. Now, Harold, love, how
are you going to pass that leg of lamb through a hole
made with a little gimlet f"
"He could leave it on the mat," said Harold, with
twinkling eyes.
She sank mournfully into a chair and clasped his
forehead. Harold, her guide, her counselor, her pro-
tector, was growing frivolous; the rock she leaned
against was crumbling away. He passed his arm
around her, and said, "My darling little wife, I was
only joking."
" You were, Harold ! " she cried joyfully. " 0 dear-
est, there is a silver lining to every cloud."
" Of course there is, love. All the time I was having
fun with you, I was thinking of the rough idea I re-
ferred to incidentally in the bedroom. I hear Priscilla
going upstairs. Priscilla! Priscilla! "
"Yes, ma'am?"
Edwina could not resist the opportunity of asking a
domestic question. " Have you done the bedroom, Pris-
cilia?"
"Yes, sir."
" Oh, bother the bedroom," exclaimed Harold. " I
want you to go at once to Mr. Perry, the carpenter,
76
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
and tell him to come here without a moment's delay
and bring his tools with him."
"Yes, ma'am."
" And, Priscilla, if he says he will come presently,
say it won't do, do yon hear ?"
"Yes, ma'am."
" He has played me that dashed trick before," said
Harold, " promising to come presently, and not appear-
ing till the next day. He mnst come back with you;
pull him back with you by the hair of his head, if neces-
sary. Tell him I have a most important job for him to
do, and I'll pay him double price if he comes and does
it at once. That will fetch him, I think. Yon under-
stand, Priscilla?"
" Yes, I understand, ma'am." Under her breath Pris-
cilia said, " I never did think missis could speak like
that! To say that Mr. Perry has played her dashed
tricks, and that I'm to pull him back by the hair of his
head! It's enough to take one's breath away! "
" Off you go like a flash of lightning, Priscilla," said
Harold, " and don't come back without Mr. Perry."
"Well," said Edwina to Harold, "you have made
me use nice language. I should say by this time my
character's entirely gone."
" Never mind, love ; you can easily get it back again
by giving Priscilla a sovereign; and we have a whole
bagful of sovereigns in the corner there. Now, before
I tell you what- my rough idea is—which will partly
explain itself when you hear me give my orders to Mr.
Perry—you might say whether you have any idea how
we should act in our present difficulty."
" All that I have been able to think of, Harold," said
Edwina, "is an advertisement in the daily papers."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
77
" An advertisement! " exclaimed Harold. " That's a
queer sort of move. What kind of advertisement ?"
" I will write one out/' said Edwina, " and if it isn't
quite clear you can correct it."
She tapped his forehead with her pen, and looked up
at the ceiling for inspiration; then she wrote her ad-
vertisement and handed it to Harold. He read it and
laughed.
" Do you know what you have written, Edwina ?"
" Certainly I do. It is on the paper."
Harold read it aloud:
" < If Mr. W—tt—sn—t will return to the bosom of
his distracted family all will be forgotten and for-
given.'"
" How foolish of me ! " said Edwina, her pen travel-
ing over the paper again. " That is the model of the
advertisement I thought of. This is what I really
meant to write."
She gave him the corrected sheet, and he read:
" i Mr. W—tt—sn—t is entreated to call upon his
friends in F—1—h—m, when he will hear something
to his advantage.'"
Harold shook his head. "You are not clever at ad-
vertisements, love. The first has a prodigal son flavor,
the second a suspiciously legal twang. But if Mr.
Wottisnot did favor us with a visit, what would you
do?"
" I would fall on my knees, darling, and implore him
to take this away." She suited the action to the word
by falling on her knees, and lifting his head with her
upturned palms.
"I am afraid it wouldn't work, Edwina. If I can
frame a proper advertisement I will send it to the
78
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
papers, but I do not see that it will help us a bit. My
impression is that we are compelled to work out the
penalty ourselves without assistance. Now, listen to
my plan. When the carpenter comes I shall give him
orders to cut a circular piece out of the door just as
high as our heads. It will be like a round shutter, and
will open inwards upon hinges, which I will screw on
myself because we cannot admit Mr. Perry into the
room to do that part of the work. He will hand me
the screws and gimlet and screwdriver, and you shall
see, love, what a neat job I shall make of it. I shall
put three buttons on this side of the door—Mr. Perry
will supply me with them arid with the necessary
screws—one at the top and one on each side of the
shutter, so that nobody but ourselves can work it.
Then, when anybody wants to speak to us, or we want
to speak to anybody, we turn the buttons, down comes
the shutter, and there we are, with only our heads
visible to those in the passage outside. Edwina, what
do you think of it ?"
" Darling Harold," she replied, " you are a genius."
" I don't know about that," he said proudly; " but I
flatter myself it's rather a good notion. We never
know what is in us till an emergency arises and brings
it out. There are details in my plan which must be
considered. The height of the shutter, now—that must
be settled. Oblige me, dear, and ink the tip of your
nose." He protruded his head.
" I don't like to, Harold," she said; " and why should
I treat my nose so i"
" I'll wipe the smudge off, love," said Harold. u You
see, I want to make a mark for the center of the shutter.
When that is done I shall open the door about an inch,
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
79
and Mr. Perry will pass me in a gimlet, with which I
shall bore a hole which will show him where the middle
of the shutter should be. The tip of your nose being
inked, all I have to do is to stand upright before the
door and press your nose on it, and there we find
marked the exact spot I must pierce with the gimlet.
That's a sensible little woman. Don't sigh, darling; in
our peculiar position we have to do peculiar things,
and we have made up our minds to face difficulties
bravely. No, dear, don't ink your nose with the sharp
point of the pen; if you pricked it you might leave an
indelible mark, and when you get your nose back again
you wouldn't like it. Take the thick end of the pen-
holder, dip it in the ink, and make a dab. That's right.
Now for it."
He planted himself in front of the door, and pressed
her nose against it. In the center of the panel, five
feet five inches from the floor, appeared a nice little
black dab.
"That is the precise spot, Edwina, and-I can put
your head through the shutter. Why, what are you
doing '?"
"I am inking the tip of your nose, darling," said
Edwina, " and I am going to make a spot of my own.
What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Besides, I have a little argument which I wish to illus-
trate."
With the tip of his nose liberally inked she planted
herself in front of the door and pressed his face against
it. In the center of the panel, five feet one inch from
the floor, appeared' a much larger black spot.
" That is the exact spot, Harold," she said, " in which
I can put your head through the shutter. See ¥"
80
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" But, my love/' remonstrated Harold, "as I shall
have to do most of the talking, it is my convenience
that should be consulted. You can stand on a stool if
you want to get to my shutter."
" And yon, my love, can stoop if you want to get to
mine. Gentlemen always yield to ladies, you know.
Harold, have you given this subject proper considera-
tion ? Have you thought of the shock it will give any
one outside to see a human head suddenly appear in
the center of a round hole so high up in the door ? It
will look ghastly, and we shall have people falling
into convulsions in the passage. And you know, love,
Crumbs makes a target of everything. Every time
your face appeared up there he'd shoot peas at it with
his pea-shooter. It will not be half so dreadful if it is
lower down."
"I shall get awful cricks in my back," said Harold.
" An idea, Edwina, an idea!" He brought a couple
of chairs to the door. " Sit down, love. Now we are
more nearly of a height, and both our heads—one at a
time—can go through the shutter without causing us
personal inconvenience, and without the lower part of
us being seen. The gimlet shall pierce the door here."
He made a mark—this time with a pencil, the ink on
both their noses being dry. "That will be ever so
much better, will it not ?"
"Ever so much," said Edwina, "and it will be ever
so much more comfortable carrying on a conversation
sitting on a chair than standing tiptoe. Then, again,
Harold, things will have to be handed in and out
through the shutter. If Priscilla had to lift a large
dish with a joint of meat in it so high above her head
for you to take in, you would most likely let it slip, and
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
81
all the gravy would run down her back. A heavy foot
is on the stairs; it is Mr. Perry's. He will think it
strange receiving instructions in my voice, but I could
not tell him what to do, and it cannot be helped. You
must give him some explanation why I am speaking.
I shall lie down on the sofa and shall close your eyes;
I don't feel very well—that is, I don't think I feel very
well. You can make something out of that to satisfy
him, can't you ? If you do tell a fib it will only be half
a fib, and under the circumstances it is quite excusable.
He's knocking."
She threw herself on the sofa and pretended to be
not very well, while Harold carried on the conversation
with the carpenter.
" Mr. Perry," said Harold, " my husband wants you
to do a little job for him at once. He is lying on the
sofa, and I am afraid he is not very well this morning.
He is not quite himself."
" How true that is," murmured Edwina from the sofa.
" Oh, how true ! "
"Shall Crumbs run for the doctor, ma'am?" cried
Priseilla outside, naturally thinking that the thirty-six
hard-boiled eggs must have disagreed with her master.
" No, Priseilla, no," said Harold, in the sweetest tone
imaginable. " I can do all that is required."
" What's the little job, ma'am ?" asked Mr. Perry 5 " I
dare say I can manage it."
"We want a round piece cut out of this door imme-
diately," said Harold, " and fixed in again in the form
of a shutter which we can open and shut from the
inside."
"Very good, ma'am. It'll spoil the door, you know."
"Yes, but we don't mind that if you don't."
82
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
"It's your door, ma'am, not mine; I don't mind,
ma'am, if you don't mind. Why should I ? Let me in,
and I'll set about it."
"You can't come in, Mr. Perry; it must be done
from the outside. You can cut out a circular shutter
on one side of the door as easily as you can on the
other, can't you ?"
"Of course I can, ma'am. But if I'm to make it
open inside, how am I to put the hinges on inside out-
side ?"
What he meant was, how could he put hinges on in-
side while he was outside; but in such a peculiar job,
executed under such confusing conditions, complica-
tions of speech appeared to be unavoidable.
"J will put the hinges on inside if you will give me
the screws and the screwdriver," said Harold.
"Very good, ma'am; but if the master's awake I'd
just like to hear him say I'm to do the work as you
order. I don't want to get into trouble."
Harold beckoned to Edwina, who rose from the sofa
and came to the door, and repeated in a loud tone what
he whispered to her.
"You will do what my wife wishes done," said Ed-
wina, " exactly in the way she wishes it done. She has
some very peculiar fancies this morning; I really think
she must have got out of bed the wrong way, and you'll
have to look out for yourself if you cross her."
"Now, why did you make me say that?" Edwina
cried pettishly to Harold.
" Lord, sir!" exclaimed Mr. Perry, who thought she
spoke to him. " I didn't make you say that! "
Priscilla, listening with all her ears, wondered more
and more, and murmured that she couldn't make head
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
83
or tail of it, and she would like to see the woman that
could. Mrs. Lavender and Crumbs, who, being no
longer able to restrain their curiosity, were also listen-
ing at the foot of the basement stairs, were equally
puzzled at the strange turn in affairs.
" They was always such a pair of turtle-doves," said
Mrs. Lavender to herself. " What's come over 'em ?"
" My husband made a mistake," called Harold to Mr.
Perry. "You mustn't mind him. He hardly knows
what he's saying when he's like this. You'd better go
back to the sofa, Harold."
" They're falling out," said Priscilla to herself. " Be-
ginning to show temper. And yesterday butter wouldn't
melt in their mouths."
"Very good, ma'am," said Mr. Perry. "No offense
meant, no offense taken. How large is the shutter to
be, and in what part of the door is it to be cut ?"
" Be kind enough to hand me a gimlet," said Harold,
opening the door wide enough for his arm to pass
through and withdrawing it quickly when the gimlet
was given to him.
" Missis asks for the gimlet," said Priscilla to herself,
" and master puts his hand out for it; and all the time
he's laying on the sofa at the other end of the room.
His arm must have grown very long."
Harold worked the gimlet through the door.
" This is the center of the shutter, Mr. Perry."
"Very good, ma'am. How large is it to be?"
" Just large enough to put in your head, or, I should
say, to put out my head."
" There's a tile loose somewhere," thought Mr. Perry,
and he set to work. When the required space was cut
out he said he must go to his workshop to shape the
84
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
wood for the shutter, as the piece he had removed was
hacked about a good deal.
" Don't be longer than you can help," said Harold,
and Mr. Perry promised to be back in a brace of shakes;
and for the benefit of " Notes and Queries," it may be
stated that a brace of shakes, as interpreted by Mr.
Perry, is exactly two hours.
CHAPTER VIII.
crumbs gets into trouble, and edwina smokes her
first cigar.
Meanwhile Harold had a difficult task to perform.
He had desired Mr. Perry to leave in the door the piece
of wood he had cut out of it, his wish being to keep it
there while Mr. Perry was away, in order to prevent
Priscilla from peeping through. He endeavored to
accomplish this by screwing the gimlet into the loose
wood, but as there was no resistant force without to
keep it in its place the consequence was that the gimlet
and the wood fell into the passage, and an open space
was left in the panel.
" Quick, Edwina," cried Harold; " the tablecloth ! "
She whipped it off, and they hung it over the open
space like a curtain.
"We only want Toby," said Edwina sadly, "and we
could give a Punch and Judy show."
A somewhat similar idea was entertained by Crumbs,
who, as he passed through the passage—which he did
as frequently as he could—was the first of the three
domestics who saw the curtain over the hole; down he
went to the kitchen, and told Priscilla and Mrs. Laven-
der that he had discovered the secret, and that master
and missis were going to exhibit the magic lantern
when night came on. This solution, however, of the
exciting events which were disturbing the household
85
86
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
was not accepted with alacrity 5 it did not account for
the mystery of the three dozen hard-boiled eggs, nor
for that of Edwina asking for the gimlet and putting
Harold's arm out for it. They seemed to have very
little to do in the kitchen now except to discuss every
fresh move that was taken by Edwina and Harold.
Never had they gone through experiences so absorb-
ing, and Crumbs and Priscilla were continually on the
watch for new developments.
His brace of shakes having come to a termination
Mr. Perry reappeared, and the u practical" shutter was
finished to Harold's satisfaction. Harold gave a further
instruction to the carpenter to fix a shelf outside the
door just below the shutter, which could be let up and
down. Edwina asked what for, and Harold replied
that it would be used by the servant to put the plates
and dishes on.
" You think of everything, dear Harold," said Edwina.
The execution of these jobs occupied several hours,
and it was four in the afternoon before Mr. Perry an-
nounced that he had finished. Then Harold inquired
how much it came to, and recklessly hinted that he
wouldn't mind if Mr. Perry stuck it on a bit. Not
being of a bashful turn of mind, Mr. Perry stuck it
on a bit, and asked, " Did Mr. Sparling think that two
pound two would be too much ?" Harold replied that
he did not think it would, and handed out three sover-
eigns through the shutter, receiving eighteen shillings
change. Mr. Perry, at Harold's request, went out and
obtained change for another sovereign in shillings and
half-crowns.
" It will be handy, love," he said, " to have a lot of
silver by us to tip the servants with. There is nothing
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
87
like tips if yon want to get along in life and make
things comfortable all round. Every time I scent
danger all I have to do is to hand out a shilling or half-
a-crown, according to the size of the difficulty. That
will enable the servants to bear it, and will smooth it
over till the next difficulty arises. And now, darling,
we are prepared. The shutter looks nice, doesn't it ?
We are ' tiled,' as the freemasons say."
Harold was a freemason, and did not think he was
breaking a vow by using the words.
" I am not sure," said Edwina, " about it's looking nice.
I read a story once about dangerous criminals being
locked in cells, and when the Government inspector
came to visit them the jailer would not allow him to
enter, but opened a shutter in the wall so that he might
look at them without their hurting him. And oh,
Harold dear, now that I am you I really think you
ought to tell me some more of the freemasons' secrets.
I have a right to know them."
"You have not, Edwina," said Harold, shaking her
head. " You have no idea of the fearful consequences
if I were to gratify your wish. I beg you will not ask
me again. I am going to try my shutter."
He rang, and Priscilla tapped on the shutter, which
he opened.
"I was coming up to you, ma'am," said Priscilla,
starting back a little as the head appeared. '' The tailor's
called three times, and says he would like to see the
clothes tried on himself."
" What clothes has he brought, Priscilla ?"
" Two pair of trousers, ma'am, and he says he must
see 'em on."
u Oh, must he ? Just you tell him from me that he
88
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
can't try my trousers on to-day, and if lie doesn't like
it lie may go and hang himself."
" Yes, ma'am," gasped Priscilla, with an idea that the
world was turning upside down.
Edwina gave a shout of horror, and Priscilla thought,
" I don't wonder that master's angry. In all my born
days I never heard the likes of it."
Realizing the mistake he had made, Harold called
Priscilla back, and said, " Here's a shilling for you,
Priscilla."
" Thank you, ma'am," adding under her voice as she
went downstairs, "Master's hand again, instead of
missis's. He wants to bribe me to say nothing about
it in the kitchen."
" This invention of mine, love," said Harold, putting
up the shutter, " opens out unforeseen complications,
which we must do our best to steer clear of. There's
a tapping at the shutter again; as I have made such
a ridiculous mistake you had best answer it this
time."
"What do you want, Priscilla?" asked Edwina.
" Miss Raggett the dressmaker's come, sir," said Pris-
cilia, " and says she wants to see missis most particular."
"I know what she wants," said Edwina aside to
Harold; " I do wish they wouldn't bother us so." Then
aloud to Priscilla, " Give Miss Raggett my compliments,
and say she can't fit my bodice on just now."
"Yes, sir," said the scandalized Priscilla.
" Good heavens!" shouted Edwina, and Harold
screamed with laughter; " what have I done ? Come
back, Priscilla—here's half-a-crown for you."
" Thank you, sir," said Priscilla, and thought, as the
shutter was slammed upon her, " Missis's hand this time.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
89
It pays me, but I'd never have thought it of 'em—
never!"
"I am feeling quite faint, Harold," said Edwina
wearily. " I must have a glass of port and a biseuit."
" Could you not manage two or three of the hard-
boiled eggs, Edwina 1" he asked coaxingly. " As yet
we have not eaten one of them."
" I could not, dear," she replied; " they would stick
in my throat. You eat them, darling."
" I loathe the sight of them," said Harold, shuddering.
"When these are got rid of—and how and by what
means they are to be got rid of is a problem which
must be solved somehow—I shall never be able to look
an egg in the face. Let us have a bottle of champagne
up, Edwina, and I will tell Priscilla to hurry the dinner,
and we will have another bottle of champagne when
it's ready. What does it matter if we get tipsy and
roll about—what does it matter what the servants think
of us—what does anything matter ?"
"Harold," said Edwina, with much tenderness, "be
calm—do be calm ! With my head on your shoulders
you must not get tipsy and roll about. It is different
with me. With your head on my shoulders I may take
an extra glass, I think. Your head will bear it; mine
will not."
"Your argument is all false," said Harold, "but we
will not have unpleasant words over it. No, Edwina,
love, we will avoid anything in the shape of bickering.
It isn't like us, and we will not give way to it—we will
not bicker." He held out his arms. " Kiss you, my
little wife."
They kissed the reverse way, and laughed, and the
champagne being brought up, Harold opened the bottle
90
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
and filled the glasses, which they chinked with loving
looks. Harold quite unconsciously sipped at his glass,
and Edwina, quite as unconsciously, emptied hers
directly she put it to his lips. The wine made them
merry, and completely restored their good humor.
" Let us have a little air," said Harold, and he un-
buttoned the shutter. To his surprise the hollow space
was blocked up from the other side. "Edwina," he
whispered, pointing, " observe. What is the meaning
of that ?"
They stood at a little distance from the hole and
studied the substance with which it was filled. Its sur-
face was slightly convex, and they could not make out
what it was. They were both afraid to touch it.
" I must ascertain the meaning of this extraordinary
proceeding," whispered Harold. " We cannot submit
to be imprisoned, perhaps suffocated, in this dreadful
manner without making an attempt to liberate ourselves.
I'll stick a pin in*it. Give me one."
" Oh, be careful, dear Harold. It might explode and
blow us into little bits."
"We must risk it, Edwina. We cannot remain her-
metically sealed up like this."
She gave him a pin and he thrust it in. A wild
shriek of agony rang through the air, and a human
form bounded away from the hole. It was Crumbs,
who, having vainly tried to peep through the shutter,
had stood in deep contemplation with his back to it,
that part of him pressing against the shutter which is
referred to in the moral exordium, " Spare the rod and
spoil the child."
" It's Crumbs ! " cried Edwina. " O Crumbs, poor boy!
Go down to Mrs. Lavender and have it attended to."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
91
" It serves him right," said Harold, as Crumbs flew
down to the basement. "He is a good boy, but he
must not play tricks. It will be a lesson to him: it
will teach him manners."
After their dinner of steak and onions, which they
had early, and which they thoroughly enjoyed, Priscilla,
who had handed the plates and dishes through the hole
in the door, received them back the same way ; and
when all the things were cleared they ventured to open
the window and look out into the garden. They sat
upon low stools so that no more than their heads could
be seen by any outside observer. As Rosamund Bower
stood in its own grounds, with a high wall around it,
covered inwardly with trees and creepers, they were
comparatively safe from observation except on the part
of their domestics, who came out now and then to have
a peep at them.
"They seem happy enough," said Mrs. Lavender,
"though it's funny they should sit so low down.
But there—they're playing some new game, I expect.
They're only a couple of children, after all."
" How beautiful the garden looks, Harold! " said Ed-
wina. "What a shame we can't go and walk in it!
Have you forgotten, love, that Aunt Plummer is coming
to-morrow to stay a week or two with us? I do not
look forward to her visit with any pleasure, because she
generally turns everything upside down, but we cannot
behave rudely to her. What are we to do with her ?"
" I really don't know, Edwina," replied Harold. " Had
I better write and put her oft ?"
" The letter wouldn't reach her in time, dear."
" A telegram, then ?"
" It would only bring her here all the sooner. We
92
something occurred.
haven't seen her for twelve months, but she can't have
altered in that time. She is a very peculiar woman,
Harold. The more you try to persuade her not to do
a thing the more determined she is to do it, and she is
just the same the other way."
" Then we will let her alone," said Harold, " and she
can come or stop away as she pleases. I dare say by
to-morrow we shall have grown quite reckless. Do you
hear a scratching at the shutter ?"
" Somebody is doing something outside," said Ed-
wina.
" It's Crumbs again, I shouldn't wonder."
Closing the window and putting down the blind,
Harold unfastened the shutter, and they saw stuck
across the space a sheet of paper upon which was
written:
" Sir and Mum : Plees may I go and sea my muther.
My soar pains me a good deel.
"Your obediengt Page,
" Crumbs."
Harold wrote an answer:
" Crumbs : You cannot go and see your mother to-
day, and here's a shilling for you. Rub some ointment
on."
He put the paper and the coin in an envelope.
" Are you there, Crumbs ?"
"Yes, mum, please mum."
" Take this."
He gave Edwina the envelope, and she thrust her
hand through the letter which Crumbs had pasted over
the hole.
" Satisfactory, Crumbs ?" asked Harold.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
93
"Yes, mum—thank you, mum," said Crumbs, taking
out the shilling; but Edwina fancied he spoke in a
melancholy tone.
" Then when I put up the shutter remove the paper."
He closed the shutter, and they heard Crumbs pulling
away his missive. By this time it was evening, and
the business of the day being over they found them-
selves at a loss how to pass the time. They were de-
barred from going out and from indulging in their
usual fond endearments, the idea of fondling their own
heads being altogether too preposterous. A tolerable
hour was spent in counting out the money to pay the
tradesmen's bills, and wrapping it up in separate par-
eels with the account stuck outside, and that brought
them to the end of their resources. Night came on—
it grew darker.
" Shall I light the gas, love ?" asked Harold.
" No, dear," said Edwina; " let us sit in the dusk a
little; it will remind us of old times."
The old times were only yesterday, but they seemed
a long way in the past. Harold yawned and Edwina
sighed. All at once Edwina clapped her hands.
"I know what you want, Harold. What a selfish
creature I am! You are dying for a cigar."
" I am not," he said.
" You are; I feel that you are."
" Nonsense ! How can you feel that I want to smoke,
and how can I smoke with your head!"
" But I can smoke with yours, and it will be just the
same as if you did it yourself. Where are your cigars ?
Oh, here they are."
" You'll be sick, Edwina. Take care ! "
"That is too ridiculous, Harold—when the smoke
94
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
will come out of your mouth. "Will it be difficult for
me to light it, I wonder ? " ^
To her delight she lit the cigar quite easily, and
puffed away as freely as if she had been used to smok-
ing all her life.
" Do you like it, Edwina ?" asked Harold, with her
eyes on the glow of the cigar shining at intervals in
the dark.
" Rather! If ever I'm myself again I'll have a cigar-
case of my own."
Presently: " How are you getting on, Edwina ?"
" P—pretty well, Harold. A little faint, that's all."
Presently: " How do you feel now, Edwina ?"
" Rather giddy, Harold," murmured Edwina, with
her hand on her bosom. "It's—being—sh—shut up
in this room all day."
" I dare say," was Harold's dry response.
The glow of the cigar grew fainter, fainter, and soon
died out altogether. Edwina groaned, and his head
rolled about on her shoulders.
" Are you not well, Edwina ?"
" Not v—v—very! Does the room go round and
round when you smoke, Harold 1 Oh dear—oh dear! "
He did not answer 5 there was silence for a few mo-
ments, during which Edwina suffered a martyrdom.
" Harold, Harold ! " she gurgled. " I think I am go-
ing to die; oh, this awful feeling; oh dear! oh, your
head! I shall die—I am sure I shall die ! What will
they say when I am gone, and what will you do with-
out me, poor boy ? Oh, I'm so ill! I'll never smoke
again—never—n—n—never—never! Oh, your head,
your head! "
Harold guided her tottering steps to the window,
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
95
which, he threw open; standing in the darkened room
there was no danger of discovery. He laughed a little
to himself, but. he felt very tender toward her. He
bathed his head with cold water, and that and the
cool air revived her.
"You'll be well again soon, love," he said. "I told
yon you'd be sick."
"Yes, yon did, and I ought to have listened to you
—but I'm an obstinate little beast, and it serves me
just as much right as it served Crumbs. Forgive me,
Harold, say you forgive me ! "
" Of course I forgive you, darling, if there is any-
thing to forgive. You forgot, though you smoked
with my head, that every other part of you was your
own. You are getting better, are you not?"
"Yes, slowly, love. I am not quite so giddy as I
was. 0 Harold, what a horrible feeling it is! It's
worse than seasickness."
"It is very horrible, dear. Don't you ever try it
again."
" I won't, I won't—nothing shall tempt me. Don't
light the gas yet, I shall get well quicker in the dark."
They sat for an hour by the open window, and then
Edwina said that she felt almost quite well, and that
he might light the gas. He went from her to do this,
and he fumbled about for the matches. He had lighted
a match for her cigar from his own silver box, and had
laid it aside somewhere, and now he could not find it.
Fully three minutes were occupied in the search, which
at last was rewarded. The box had dropped to the
floor, and he kicked it with his foot.
While he had been thus employed Edwina had sat
in silence by the window. Since she and Harold had
96
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
exchanged heads her hand had often gone up to her
hair as it was in the habit of doing, and every time it
touched Harold's short crop a pang of disappointment
ran through her. Harold had made similar attempts
to twirl his mustache, and had always felt a void with
a similar pang. Just at this moment Edwina was very
sad. She thought of the past and the present and the
future—a remark which smacks of grammar, but has
no connection with it. How bright, how sweet the
past had been! What tender reminiscences it con-
tained ! How beautiful life had been up till yesterday,
and how good Harold had been to her! He was such
a dear boy ! Never thinking of himself, flying to get
her everything she expressed the slightest wish for.
Such a dear, dear boy! It was all over now, and they
had to face the dreary present. They had laughed a
good many times during the day, but it was because
their sense of humor had been tickled for the moment.
It was impossible for the merry mood to last. Other
people might laugh—not they, the victims of this
strange adventure. Sighing, she thought, "I shall
never laugh again—never again! " In the shadows
that lay athwart the garden she saw the most melan-
choly possibilities. Joy had fled, happiness had fled;
she tyembled to think of the future.
The night was fine, but there had been no light in
the sky; but now a silver mist began to shine, and flow
from heaven to earth. And Edwina, looking upward,
saw through the silver mist a star.
Harold stooped for the match-box; Edwina put her
hand to her hair. He took out a match and was about
to strike it when Edwina gave a piercing scream. The
open box and all the matches fell to the floor.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
97
"Good heavens! " he shouted; "what's the matter?"
" Light the gas—quick—quick—quick! " she cried.
" Don't move a step toward me till you've lighted the
gas!"
Before she finished speaking the room was filled with
light.
" Harold! " screamed Edwina. " I am me—I am me!
I've got hack again—I've got hack again! "
"Have you?" Harold exclaimed. "Then what is
going to become of me, I'd like to know ?"
" Why, my love, my darling! " she said, clasping her
hands and hending forward. "You're you—oh, you
dear hoy, you are actually you! "
" And you are you," he said, also clasping his hands
and hending forward.
They stared in ecstasy at each other for two mo-
ments, perhaps for three; and then they rushed into
each other's arms.
" Kiss me, Harold, kiss me, you darling boy ! Again,
again!"
She could only say "again" twice because he was
smothering her with kisses, and she was returning
them, laughing and crying at the same time. There
was a lull in their transports; they detached them-
selves, and stood contemplating each other.
" It is true, isn't it, Harold ?" Edwina asked.
" It is undoubtedly true," he replied, " unless our eyes
are bewitched."
" If they are, Harold, our hands are not. See!"
She pulled down her hair and began to put it up again.
" Oh, how delightful, how deliciously delightful, to be
at liberty to do one's own back hair with one's own
hands on one's own head! "
98
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
"And how jolly," said Harold, with his fingers to his
npper lip, " how particularly jolly to he at liberty to
twist one's own mustache with one's own fingers on
one's own lip. Oh, you little darling, how happy I
feel! " This remark applied to Edwina, not to his mus-
tache; he was fondling and caressing her again.
" And now," said Edwina, after the lapse of several
minutes, " let us ring for Priscilla."
They rang, and Priscilla tapped on the shutter.
" Come in, Priscilla," said Edwina.
" I can't jump through the shutter, ma'am," said Pris-
cilia. " I'm not a harlequin ! "
"Through the door, Priscilla; through the door,"
said Edwina, running and unlocking it.
Priscilla entered and stared with exceeding curiosity
at her master and mistress; and, as she declared in the
kitchen, " never two happier people had her eyes be-
held in all her born days."
" Priscilla," said Harold, " your mistress and I have
been inventing a new game."
" That's what cook said, sir," said Priscilla.
"Did she? There are so few entertaining indoor
games for lonely people to amuse themselves with,
that when we thought of one—as we did the first thing
this morning—we put our whole minds to it."
" Does it need a shutter in the door, sir ?" asked Pris-
cilia; " and will you tell us what it is, if you please,
sir ?"
" Sometimes it needs a shutter, Priscilla," said Har-
old, endeavoring to preserve his gravity, "and some-
times it doesn't; and we will tell you what it is, per-
haps, when we have quite completed and patented it.
And now you can bring up the supper; we have had a
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
99
most interesting day, and it has given ns quite an appe-
tite. And stay, Priscilla." He opened the cupboard
in the sideboard, and he and Edwina brought forward
the thirty-six hard-boiled eggs. " You can take these
down."
" What shall we do with them, sir ? Will you want
them again ?"
" Give them to Crumbs, Priscilla. They were part of
our new indoor game, and we shall not want them any
longer."
" Oh, what a relief, sir ! " said Priscilla. "We thought
you had eaten 'em, shells and all! That's why I asked
if Crumbs should go for a doctor."
CHAPTER IX.
after the transformation scene.
The relief and happiness they experienced in being
once more themselves were too agitating to admit of
sleep; they felt they muse exercise their tongnes and
limbs, that they must sit np and talk of the extraordi-
nary events of the day. Now that a period of calm
had set in they thoroughly enjoyed the fun of the situa-
tions of which they were the creators, and they laughed
heartily as they recalled each incident and "the confu-
sion it had caused in the household. In the course of
their conversation Harold let drop occasionally a scrap
of philosophy.
''We are not half nor quarter grateful enough for
things," he said, " with which we are familiar. We get.
so accustomed to them that we allow the years to slip
by without so much as a thank you. Now, who would
have supposed that the simple fact that we are our-
selves and not somebody else would have caused us to
enjoy the moments as we are now enjoying them? Yet
we have been ourselves all our lives, with the exception
of a few strange hours, and have taken not the slightest
notice of what is neither more nor less than a blessing.
It is in this careless way that people go through the
world." As there was rather a puzzled look on Ed-
wina's face, he proceeded to explain himself more fully.
" Is it not a very beautiful night, love ?"
100
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
101
" It is the loveliest night, dear."
"The air flowing through the window—is it not
sweet ?"
" I never knew it to he so sweet. There is something
in it, Harold, that I cannot describe."
" And the stars, Edwina ?"
" They never looked so bright and wonderful as they
do to-night. Harold, they seem to be sending messages
down to us."
"That is exactly my feeling, Edwina. The night
was never so fine, the air was never so sweet, the stars
were never so bright, as they are now; that is our im-
pression of them; and yet if we sent to some great
scientific society—I don't know which, love, nor how
they would set about it—to analyze the night, the air,
and the stars, and to send in their report (for which we
should probably have to pay three guineas), we should
find them stating in it that there have been during the
past twelve months many much finer nights, a great
deal of much sweeter air, and a large number of far
♦brighter stars. Frankly, Edwina, they would pooh-
pooh us."
" It would be very rude of them ; but what can they
know about our feelings, a lot of dry old fogies like
them?"
" They can know nothing, Edwina, of our feelings,
but they would set about their analyzing scientifically,
and the probability is that they would be right. The
reason, love, why we think everything so beautiful, so
superlatively delightful at the present time, is because
a great weight has been lifted from our shoulders—I
am making no reflections upon the heaviness of your
dear head, love—and because we are once more our-
102
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
selves. It is a lesson, love, and we should take it to
heart."
"We will, Harold," said Edwina, thinking to herself,
" How wise my dear boy is growing ! " She continued:
" Though if I were forced to be somebody else forever
and ever, I should not wish to be anybody better than
you."
" And could I wish," said Harold, " to be anybody
better than you."
It is a proof how completely wrapped up mortals are
in the present that Harold and Edwina should be al-
ready oblivious of the distressing side of the complica-
tions through which they had passed, and were so ready
to make light of them. A headache, an earache, a tooth-
ache is dreadful while it lasts, and we think nothing
can be worse, but when the pain is gone w^forget it,
and feel no compunctions for the querulous complain-
ings to which we have given utterance during its exist-
ence. It is a beneficent provision of nature that this
should be so, and it certainly makes life all the more
agreeable, but it rather discounts the value of Harold's
philosophical reflections.
"We cannot be sufficiently grateful to Mr. Wottis-
not," he said, "for having made such a comic thing
occur instead of something worse. He was quite right
when he said it would be amusing."
"I can see now," said Edwina, "why he called him
self the Genius of the Utterly Absurd. Anything more
absurd could not be imagined. How everybody would
have laughed if they had seen us ! "
" Except Aunt Plummer. She never laughs at any-
thing. She would have gloated over us, literally gloated,
Edwina."
something occurred.
103
" And she is coming to-morrow on a visit to us! "
said Edwina, in a melancholy tone.
" It is too bad," cried Harold; " it is altogether too
bad that she should take it into her head to inflict her-
self upon us just now. Without an invitation, too!
Such a wet blanket as she is! Nothing would please
her better than to tear you from my arms; it is her
greatest delight to do everything in her power to make
people miserable. Don't you remember how she tried to
step between us when I was paying attentions to you ?"
".But she did not succeed. I loved my dear boy too
well. Harold, in the confusion of this morning I did
not read her letter carefully, and I think you did not.
Perhaps there's a loophole, dear."
" Here is the letter," said Harold, and read:
"' My dear Nephew and Niece : I put nephew be-
fore niece because of course Harold is master, and'my
poor Edwina is nobody in Ms house'—
" That's nasty, love," said Harold, breaking off.
" It is just like her. Go on, Harold."
" ' —nobody in Ms house, which, instead of being what
I fear it is, should have been an Ark to her. Women
are no better than slaves, and no doubt poor Edwina
has found this out long ago. You must learn resigna-
tion, my poor girl, and any little revenge you can take,
such as not putting his buttons on, or stiffening his
collars till they rasp dear Harold's neck, will be a relief
to your feelings. Women are not worms, dear Harold.
I took my revenge on Plummer during the twenty-
seven years we lived together, and I made him feel
every day of his life that I was not a worm to be trod-
den on at his pleasure.'
104
something occurred.
" Poor old Plummer," said Harold, " how he must
have enjoyed himself! " He resumed:
" c On his deathbed I asked him whether I had not
done my best to make him happy, and he groaned,
" You have, you have! " And then he said that he
hoped I would live till I was a hundred, so that I might
be repaid for the sacrifices I had made for him.'
" He wanted a long, long rest," said Harold, laugh-
ing, " before he set eyes on her again.
" ' I hope dear Harold will feel like that when he is on
Ms deathbed. I will not ask, my dear nephew and niece,
whether you are happy together; I know how it must
be with you. I am quite well and hearty, and I think
now is the time to pay you the visit I have long prom-
ised to make, and to see whether I can do anything to
smooth your difficulties. I shall be with you to-morrow,
and I like a bedroom with the window looking south.
I have knitted a pair of gloves for Harold, and I shall
bring Edwina a chest preserver. Be as happy as you
can till I see you.
" ' With much love, your affectionate aunt,
"'Tabitha Plummer,7
" There is no loophole, Edwina," said Harold.
"No, dear," said Edwina, with a sigh. "Don't let us
think of her if we can help it. Harold, love, does it
strike you that we have forgotten "
"I know what you are going to say," interrupted
Harold. "We have forgotten that it is the anniversary
of our wedding-day. It hardly seems possible that it
should have slipped our minds; but it has, and under
the circumstances, darling, we may be mutually for-
given. I will go and fetch what I bought for you 5 it
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
105
is in the bedroom in my private drawer, and I will lock
up the Gladstone bag with onr precious gold in it—
doubly precious now that we are restored to our orig-
inal selves. Think of the pleasure of paying all our
debts to-morrow! We are learning lessons, Edwina;
we must not get into debt again if we can possibly
help it. For the future we will pay for everything as
we go on. If we want any repairs done in the house
we will call in a builder and ask, ' How much ?' Then
we will hand him the money and say, ' Do it.'"
" A very good plan," said Edwina. " My present for
you is in the wardrobe. It isn't much, dear. If I had
been as rich as we are now, I would have bought you
something better."
" My darling girl," said Harold, putting his arm round
her waist as they left the room, " a simple daisy from
you would be as dear to me as a crown of gold."
" But I wouldn't buy you a crown of gold, love; it
would be so awkward to wear all day long, and if you
took a walk in the streets with it on your head every-
body would stare so ! "
They went up together, and with an air of great
secrecy brought down their presents.
" Open your mouth and shut your eyes," said Harold.
She did so, and he slipped between her pretty lips
the tiniest ring, set with two heart-shaped turquoises.
" O Harold, what a love of a ring!" cried Edwina,
kissing it and putting it on her finger. She held it up
and said softly, " Two hearts that beat as one, my dear,
dear husband!"
" That shall always beat as one, my dear, dear wifey! "
"Here is my present, Harold," said Edwina anx-
iously.
106
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
It was a handsome cigar-case, with his monogram in
silver, curiously enough framed in a heart of gold. The
similarity of their tastes in this respect showed how
true and sincere were then* feelings for each other.
"This is just what I wanted, Edwina. What a
thoughtful little puss you are, and what a flavor it
will give to my cigars! Would you like a weed, dear ?"
"No, Harold," she replied, shuddering, "never
again!"
They had a good laugh over the recollection of Ed-
wina's first smoke.
" I hardly know," said Harold, " wdiether I ought to
wish you many happy returns of such a day as we have
had, but I must wish you many, many happy returns
of our wedding-day. God bless you, darling ! "
" God bless you, darling, and many, many happy re-
turns of the day ! " She grew solemn. " Twelve months
have flown by, and by this time you know what I am.
Are you disappointed, Harold ?"
" Edwina," said Harold, with grave earnestness, " if
I were a bachelor and a fairy were to come to me and
say,1 You ought to marry, and you ought to have some
one who will fill your life with joy; give me the word
and I will go all over the world to bring you just the
kind of wife you would like,' I should answer, 1 Bring
me Edwina.'"
"You would, Harold—ignorant as I am to this day
of butcher's meat ?"
" I would, Edwina. Every kind of meat, when you
are sitting at the table, has a spring-lamby flavor which
I defy the finest butcher to impart to his joints."
They kissed, and stood by the open window in fond
embrace. After a tender pause Edwina said:
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
107
u We really ought to do something to celebrate the
day before we go to bed. Shall we have a half-set of
quadrilles ?"
"As one of us would have to play/' said Harold,
" and there would be only one left to dance it, I don't
quite see how it could be managed."
" Shall we have up the servants ?"
He reflected a moment. " Which order of beauty,
Edwina, if you were a man, would you prefer—the
cocoanut order or the apple-dumpling order ?"
She smiled merrily as she replied, " If I were a man ?
Haven't I been a man?—haven't I been shaved? I
should prefer the apple-dumpling order."
" Of the two, it would be my choice. Mrs. Laven-
der is of the cocoanut order, Priscilla is of the apple-
dumpling order. To enjoy a half-set of quadrilles there
should be two males and two females, so you must play,
Edwina. Crumbs shall dance with Mrs. Lavender, and
I will dance with Priscilla. Shall I ring for them ?"
" On second thoughts," said Edwina, " we will not
have the half-set. It would be making too familiar;
servants should be kept in their proper places. It is
only half-past ten; let us take a walk."
" With pleasure, love," said Harold, laughing. " You
evidently don't relish the notion of my dancing with a
woman of the apple-dumpling order of beauty."
" You absurd boy! Do you think I mind whom you
dance with ?"
" Oh, I don't know," he said, shaking his head gayly.
" Lizzie Mixture is of that order. I met her last week;
she has grown plumper than ever, and she looked at me
quite pensively. She is not at all bad looking, is she ?"
" Different people," observed Edwina, a little stiffly,
108
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
"have different tastes. If I were really a man Miss
Mixture would not be my choice. Now really, Harold,
do you consider lier pretty ?"
2'I have heard men declare she is a beauty. Oh,
how hard you hit! If you don't mind you will break
something."
"You bad boy, you particularly bad boy ! " said Ed-
wina, beating him with her little fists. "You are only
teasing me, and you deserve to be caned. Is she pretty,
sir ? is she pretty ?" Each question accompanied by a
rub-a-dub-dub of blows.
" I will not forswear myself," said-Harold, retreating.
"I repeat, she is not at all bad-looking. There, you
see—you are out of breath. You must go into train-
ing if you intend to treat me like this, Edwina."
"Harold," implored Edwina, "be good! You never
encouraged her, did you? I entreat you to say you
never encouraged her."
"Indeed I never did. But how could I help it if
she " He paused, and twirled his mustache with
a comically conceited air.
" Oh yes," said Edwina, taking up his words, " if she !
You coxcomb, you! And how dare you call her Liz-
zie ? You ought to be ashamed of yourself now you've
got me—with a capital M, if you please, you vain boy
—Me ! If you're not good this instant, I shall begin
to talk of Reggie."
"Oh, Reginald Paradox! How he did adore you,
Edwina! Aunt Plummer did her best to persuade you
to have him, and I wonder he didn't send me a challenge
when he heard of our engagement. Edwina, if you
had elected to become Mrs. Paradox—what a name!
Paradox!—a deadly encounter could not have been
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
109
avoided, and there would have been only one survivor.
He is still a bachelor, love."
"And Miss Mixture is still a spinster. And now,
Harold, dear, I think we have talked nonsense enough,
and we will go out for our walk."
They had a delightful stroll, and did not return to
Rosamund Bower till midnight. They were the fond-
est of lovers, and their singular experiences seemed to
have drawn them closer to each other.
They awoke early next morning; the birds were
singing in the garden, but they did not dare to open
their eyes, and Edwina did not put her hand to her
hair. She had a horrible foreboding that she had
changed back, for she did not quite understand the
bargain they had made with Mr. "Wottisnot. She lay
perfectly still, waiting for Harold to speak, but he was
tormented by a similar apprehension. At length Ed-
wina whispered:
" Harold, are you awake ?"
" Yes, love, I have been awake a long time."
"Are your eyes open?"
"No. To tell you the truth, I have been a little
afraid."
"Just my feeling. But the truth must be faced.
Do open your eyes, dear, and tell me if I'm me."
He slowly lifted his lids and cried joyfully, "It is all
right, Edwina, we are ourselves. Heaven be praised!
Is that you, Priscilla ?"
"Yes, sir," said the girl outside. "I have brought
your tea. Shall I leave it on the mat ?"
" No, Priscilla," he replied, while Edwina buried her
face in the sheets to stifle her laughter, " you can bring
it in."
110
something occurred.
Priscilla entered and stared suspiciously at the forms
of her master and mistress in bed, wondering whether
they intended to continue their new indoor game. She
was not easy in her mind when she left the room, so
she informed Mrs. Lavender, there was such a curious
look on their faces.
"Shall I shave you this morning, Edwina?" asked
Harold merrily, as he stropped his razor. "When I
apply for a situation as a barber, I shall send to you
for a character."
"You shave beautifully," said Edwina; " but I didn't
like your taking hold of your nose. I wonder people
submit to it."
There was only one letter on the breakfast-table, and
they recognized the writing a§-Aunt Plummer's.
" To tell us," said Harold, making a wry face, " by
what train she is coming. We shall have to meet her
at the station, I suppose. It shan't spoil our appetites,
Edwina; we will not read it till we have had our
breakfast."
The meal over, he opened the letter.
" Why, what is this ?" he cried, and his voice re-
sembled the voice of a boy who has got an unexpected
holiday. " Listen, love:
"1 My dear Nephew and Niece : It will give you
great pain to know that I am unexpectedly obliged to
defer my visit. I have a touch of rheumatism in my
left knee, and I shall stop at home and nurse it. To
come to your house an invalid would spoil the pleasure
I expect to enjoy when I am with you. I want all my
faculties unimpaired when I am in your society, so that
I may counsel you without the interruption of twinges.
something occurred.
Ill
Try and bear the disappointment, my dear Edwina and
Harold; life is full of all sorts of miseries, as you have
discovered long before this. When I am quite well I
will come and spend a happy time, and I have half a
mind to pop in upon you when you least expect it,
without writing beforehand. It will be a surprise and
an additional pleasure to you. Bear up till we meet;
I will set everything right for you.
" 1Your affectionate aunt,
"'Tabitha Plummer.'
" Hurrah! " cried Harold, tearing the letter into little
bits. " May the rheumatism and Aunt Plummer's left
knee never dissolve partnership! If there was any-
thing needed to complete my happiness, it was this."
He went to the window and threw it open. " Edwina,
love, come and look at Crumbs. He seems in trouble,
and he has those disgraceful rags on again."
The boy was doing garden work, and every now and
then he stooped and wiped his eyes on the sleeve of his
tattered jacket. He possessed a livery, which he was
only allowed to wear at certain hours of the day, when
his rough work was over. When Harold first engaged
him he liked the boy's face so much that he overlooked
the circumstance of him being literally in rags. From
time to time he supplied Crumbs with money to buy
decent clothes with, so that he could make a respecta-
ble appearance in or out of his livery. Only last week
Harold had given him twenty-two shillings to buy a
new suit, and had desired the lad to get rid of his rags.
And here he was now in the garden, a disgrace to the
establishment.
" It's too bad," said Harold, " altogether too bad."
112
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Poor boy! " said Edwina. " There must be a reason
for it. Don't send him away, Harold."
" No, I won't j he is the best boy we have had; will-
ingness itself, and doesn't mind what he's asked to do;
but I must talk to him for all that." The door opened
and Priscilla made her appearance. " Well, Priscilla ?"
" There's a policeman downstairs, sir, and says he
wants to see master most particular."
Edwina seized Harold's arm; an expression of alarm
spread over her features. " A policeman! " she gasped.
Had he anything to do with what occurred yesterday ?
Had he come to arrest them at the instance of Mr.
Wottisnot ? Had they laid themselves open to Heaven
knows what ? " Gracious powers! " she thought. " Is
he going to arrest us for stealing the two thousand
sovereigns ?"
"Do you know what he has come about?" asked
Harold.
"No, sir," replied the girl; "he says he must see
master immediate."
" Send him up," said Harold.
"Harold," cried Edwina, "is there danger? Shall
we fly ? Perhaps we can bribe the man! "
Before Harold could make answer to this the police-
man stood in the room.
CHAPTER X.
CONSTABLE 317, X DIVISION.
"Beg your pardon, sir," he said. "Are you Mr.
Sparling?"
Harold was about to say he was, when Constable 317
turned sharply upon Priscilla, who had accompanied
him in and showed an inclination to make one of the
party.
"You're a good-looking young woman," said 317;
" but we don't want you—#t present."
" I take my orders," said Priscilla loftily, standing
her ground, "from them as pays me my wages."
" Leave the room, Priscilla, please," said Harold.
"Yes, sir," said Priscilla, and obeyed, with a look of
lofty disdain at Constable 317.
" Can't be too careful with servants, sir," said 317.
" I am Mr. Sparling," said Harold, and stopped the
constable's next question by saying, " This is my wife."
Constable 317 acknowledged the introduction in a
polite manner, and then proceeded to business.
He had brought a bundle with him, which he handled
very carefully. It was a large bundle, and he placed it
on the table.
Edwina's eyes were fascinated by this bundle; she
could not remove them. To her fevered imagination it
was a bundle of Fate. What did it contain ? " Heav-
ens ! " she thought, " what have we done ? What mys-
tery is about to be revealed ?"
113
114
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" May I inquire, sir," said 317, " if yon have a boy in
your service of the name of Crumbs ? "
"We have," replied Harold; "he is our page boy.
He is working now in the garden, and a very good boy
he is."
"Is he, sir?" said 317, and a covert smile of most
superior intelligence dawned on his lips and disap-
peared. " But masters and missises get took in some-
times. Did you have a character with him, sir ?"
" No, I did not. I took him without a character."
" Thought as much, sir," said 317, in a reproachful
tone. " Have you had cause to suspect him ?"
" To suspect his honesty, do you mean ?"
" That's it, sir."
" Crumbs is as honest," said Harold, " as the sun."
Constable 317 looked distinctly dubious. "Queer
things go on in a house, sir, under our very noses, so
to speak, without people so much as suspecting. Very
queer things, sir."
"It is coming," thought Edwina. "What will be-
come of us ?"
"We've long had our suspicions, sir," said 317, "me
and my fellow-officer on the night beat; but we've
never been able to make sure till this morning. We've
tried to find out where he lives, but he has managed
always to give us the slip, and even now I don't know."
" He lives here," said Harold. " Eats and sleeps here."
" It's where his pals live, sir, that's what we've been
trying to discover; but that boy, sir, is as artful as you
make 'em, and as slippery as the slipperyest eel. Twenty
times at least has the night constable seen him carry-
ing away things from this house, but every time we've
tried to lay hands on him he's beat us—that's what he's
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
115
done, sir/' said 317, with a sense of injury in his voice,
" he's beat us. Scuttled away that quick that he was
out of sight before you could say Jack Robinson. Last
night he was seen going into a pawn-shop with a large
bundle done up in a newspaper; and he come out with-
out that bundle, and, in course, with money in his
pocket."
" What was in the bundle, constable ?" asked Harold.
" I'll come to that presently, sir. This morning early,
before anybody in the house was up—at least, that's
my opinion, sir; I know what servants are when they've
got easy masters and missises over 'em—I saw that boy
Crumbs—it's a odd name for a boy to bear, sir—I saw
that boy Crumbs stealing along with a bundle in his
hands which he was carrying most carefully. This
bundle, sir, that I've brought in with me. I laid in
wait for him, got into a doorway and clapped my hand
on him as he passed. He dropped the bundle as though
it was full of hot bricks, and was off like a flash of
lightning. Run, sir! He'd win a match. Quicksilver
in his heels, that's what he's got. I picked up the
bundle, and when the pawn-shop was open I went in
and found out what it was he popped last night. What
I want to know, sir, is whether this is your property—
whether you can identify the articles."
He opened the bundle, and there on the table, rolling
this way and that, were thirty-six hard-boiled eggs.
There was a gurgle in Edwina's throat, and she burst
into hysterical laughter. Constable 317 gazed at her in
suspicious amazement.
" Don't notice her, constable," said Harold, with diffi-
culty suppressing his mirth; " she is often taken like
that. Bear up, my dear. There, there ! "
116
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
Constable 317 waited till Edwina was calm before he
continued:
" I counted 'em, sir; there's thirty-six of 'em. Some
of 'em is squabbled a bit because of their dropping on
the hard stones. Can you identify 'em, sir ?"
" It is very difficult," said Harold, as gravely as it was
in his power to speak, " to identify a hard-boiled egg."
" But thirty-six of 'em, sir, thirty-six ! "
" Makes it exactly thirty-six times as difficult," said
Harold.
" "What I would like to know, sir, is whether any order
was given in this house to hard-boil three dozen eggs."
" Really, now, constable," expostulated Harold, " I do
not see that I am called upon to reveal the domestic
affairs of my establishment, even to an officer of the
law."
" It ain't my wish to pry, sir," said 317, stiffening
himself, " but I'm on the beat, and it's my duty to look
after things. If I'd left these thirty-six hard-boiled
eggs rolling about on the pa/vement I should have been
reprimanded, and it'd serve me right. I understand
that you refuse to identify 'em."
Edwina plucked Harold's sleeve, and he bent down
to her. " Don't, Harold; oh, don't! " she implored.
" I decline to identify them," he said.
Outwardly calm except as regarded his features,
which underwent contortions, it was evident that 317
had ideas which would have rather astonished Harold
and Edwina had he put them into words. All that he
said, however, was:
"I don't want you to incriminate yourself "
Harold interrupted him somewhat sternly: "What
do vou mean by that, constable %"
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
117
"I mean, sir," replied 317, "that if yon refuse to
identify these hard-boiled eggs, I can't force yon to. As
I understand that they are not your property I must
take them to Scotland Yard. Before long," he added,
speaking like an Indian warrior on the war-path, " we
may find a trail."
" In the event of your not finding a trail," inquired
Harold, " what will be done with them?"
" They will be kept in the usual manner for three
months, and then they will be sold by auction to the
highest bidder."
" Dear Harold," whispered Edwina, " do not bid for
them at the end of three months ! I never want to see
the wretched things again."
" I promise you, love." Having given which assur-
ance he said to the constable, " Something may happen
to them before the expiration of three months."
"They're past that," observed 317, thinking that
Harold referred to the fact that eggs occasionally be-
came chickens. "In any case photographs of the
property will be taken before it has a chance of disap-
pearing. It is my duty, sir, to inform you that last
night your boy Crumbs pawned a suit of clothes nearly
new. If you will accompany me to the pawnbroker's
you will see whether they are stolen from your house."
" Crumbs," thought Harold, " has pawned the suit of
clothes I gave him the money last week to buy. That
is why he is in rags this morning."
" Will you come with me, sir ?" asked 317.
"I will not come with you," Harold replied, and
Edwina smiled brightly, though she was anxious and
troubled in her mind about Crumbs.
"Well, sir," said 317, "it's your affair up to a certain
118
something occurred.
point. If we pull one way and you pull another it will
make the case all the more difficult for us 5 but we've
undone tighter knots than this. Are you aware that
your boy Crumbs is in league with bad characters ?"
" I am not aware of it, and I refuse to believe it."
" The night before last," said 317, meeting every re-
buff gallantly, " he was seen leaving your house in the
company of a man "
"Mr. Wottisnot!" gasped Edwina, but not loud
enough for the constable to hear.
"—who answers," pursued 317, "to the description
of a notorious burglar named Hatchet. Not his right
name, sir; he's called so because he's cold-blooded and
carries one with him in case people are obstinate. They
were both rolling drunk, sir, and if Hatchet hadn't
kept tight hold of the boy Crumbs he would have turn-
bled into the gutter. It's a pity he didn't, because he
could have been took up and made to give an account
of himself. And that, sir," said 317—he had done up
the eggs as well as he could, and now took the bundle
from the table—"is all I've got to say. We'll keep a
proper lookout for burglars of a night, between the
hours of twelve and four, but if your house is burgled
you can't say you've not been warned. I'd advise you
to have alarms set and electric bells put up. Good-
morning, sir."
"Edwina," said Harold, as the constable left the
room, " I must speak to him alone. Don't follow me."
He overtook the constable in the passage. " A word
with you, constable."
"Yes, sir."
" I did not wish to speak before my wife •, she is
nervous and easily alarmed. I assure you that you are
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
119
quite mistaken about Crumbs; there is something that
has to be explained, but I have no doubt it will be
done to my satisfaction. You do not agree with me, I
know "
" No, sir, I don't—without disrespect, sir."
"Certainly. It is part of your business to suspect"
—the hand of Constable 317 that was not carrying the
bundle of eggs was hanging by his side, and Harold
slipped two half-crowns into it; and over these coins
Constable 317 unconsciously closed his fingers—" but
we must guard against suspecting innocent persons."
"Yes, sir, we must," said 317. " It is our duty."
" Appearances are often deceiving, constable."
"Yes, sir, they are, sir." All his stiffness had van-
ished, he was like a supple reed.
" Crumbs is really a very good lad, and our other
servants are also above suspicion. You feel this, don't
you, constable?"
" As you put it that way, I do, sir. What shall I do
with the hard-boiled eggs, sir ?"
"As a matter of fact the eggs were mine, and I gave
them to Crumbs; so that clearly he had a right to do
what he liked with them."
"Nothing could be clearer, sir. I had better leave
them, sir."
"No, no," said Harold hurriedly; "take them away,
and do what you please with them. They were only
boiled yesterday, and they were new laid before they
were boiled, so those with their shells unbroken will be
nice and fresh. Good-morning, constable."
" Good-morning, sir. In case you want me you know
where to find me."
"Edwina," said Harold, returning to her, "every-
120
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
thing is satisfactorily settled so far as the police are
concerned, and we shall hear nothing further from
them. We must have up Crumbs." The boy was still
working in the garden, and Harold called to him to
come up.
" Be gentle with him, dear Harold."
" I will, Edwina; but it was wrong of him to pawn
his new suit of clothes. I hope he will be able to ex-
plain matters to my satisfaction."
CHAPTER XI.
thanksgiving day.
Crumbs was in a great fright. He had heard from
Priscilla that a policeman was closeted with his master,
and he felt sure that the officer had come after him.
The unknown terrors of the law caused him to shake
and shiver, but he would have been content to undergo
some kind of punishment if he could only keep his
situation; this was almost a vital matter to him. He
was a strong, pale-faced boy, with blue eyes and yellow
hair. Under genial circumstances his blue eyes were
ready to shine and twinkle merrily, but there was no
twinkle in them on this occasion. They were like sad,
watery little moons.
"Crumbs," said Harold, speaking very mildly, "a
constable has been here to make a complaint against
you. Don't be afraid; I have sent him away, and he
will not do anything to you. He brought a lot of hard-
boiled eggs with him."
" Priscilla give 'em to me, sir," said Crumbs, shifting
his feet uneasily, " and sed you sed I might 'ave 'em."
" I did say so, and, as I told the constable, you had a
perfect right to do what you liked with them. But,
Crumbs, my lad, have you not been treated kindly
here ?"
" No boy couldn't expect to be treated kinder, sir,"
said Crumbs, very humbly and gratefully, digging his
121
122
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
knuckles into his eyes, and rubbing his nose with the
cuff of his ragged jacket.
" Haven't you a handkerchief, Crumbs ?" asked Ed-
wina sympathetically.
"No, mum. I ain't got no 'andkercher."
Edwina was about to offer him hers, but Harold
gently restrained her.
" If you are sensible, Crumbs," he said, " that we treat
you kindly, you should make some return for it."
" I do try, sir, I do ! "
" Crumbs, I gave you money last week to buy a new
suit of clothes. You bought them, and you were a
credit to us. Why did you take those clothes to the
pawnbroker f"
Crumbs trembled violently, and hung his head.
" Come, my lad," urged Harold, in the kindest tone,
" answer me."
"You won't turn me away, sir, will you ? Don't turn
me away!"
"No, Crumbs, my poor boy, we won't," cried Edwina.
"Be quiet, Edwina. We will not turn you away,
Crumbs, if you did not pawn the clothes for a bad pur-
pose. Tell me the truth, and I shall not be angry with
you."
Thus encouraged, Crumbs managed to say, "You
didn't pay me my wages yesterday, sir "
" That is true, Crumbs," said Harold, a wave of self-
reproach flowing over him. " I forgot it; I was busy;
I ought to have paid Priscilla and Mrs. Lavender, and
I forgot them too. I intend to pay you all this morn-
ing. But, Crumbs, even that is no excuse for pawning
your clothes."
" Mother's in a bad way, sir," said Crumbs, hanging
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
123
Ms head, and with nervous movements of his fingers.
" We're as poor as poor can be, sir. We've got two new
babbies come the day before yesterday."
" What! " cried Edwina. " Two new babies! "
" Yes, mum; twins. And mother's be'ind'and with
the rent, sir, and was going to be turned out if it wasn't
paid this morning; and there was 'ardly anything in
the cupboard to eat, and all my little brothers and sis-
ters was crying, and mother's 'eart was most broke, and
so—and so " But here Crumbs choked, and could
not go on.
Edwina choked too, and she fell back in her chair
and sobbed.
" 0 Crumbs ! " she cried. " Oh, poor, poor Crumbs ! "
Harold wiped his eyes, and gave Crumbs his pocket-
handkerchief.
" Dry your eyes, Crumbs," he said sweetly, and then,
rather violently, " But why did you not come to us f
We would have helped you."
" I didn't like to, sir," said Crumbs, his face in a dread-
ful condition; he had been rubbing his eyes in the
garden, and had smudged it with honest mold, and the
copious tears he was now shedding trickled down his
cheeks like little drops of mud. " You was so busy, sir,
and you shut yourselves up, and then I thought of the
new clothes, and I went to the pawnbroker's with 'em,
and took the money 'ome to mother without gitting
leave. It was very wrong of me, sir."
" It wasn't, it wasn't!" sobbed Edwina. " It was very
right of you. And oh, Crumbs, how much did the pawn-
broker give you for the clothes ?"
"Four and six, mum, and 'ere's the ticket; and I
thought I'd git 'em out when master paid me. You
124
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
won't tnrn me away, will yon, sir ?" He knew that the
decision rested with his master and not with his mis-
tress. " I don't know what'll become of mother if yon
do, and I don't mind if I work all day and all night,
sir, if you'll only keep me ! "
" You shall not be turned away, Crumbs," said Har-
old. " You were taking the hard-boiled eggs to your
mother, I suppose, when you met the policeman ?"
" Yes, sir, I was. 'They'll be a reg'lar treat for the
lot of 'em at 'ome,' ses I to myself. And they would
'ave been, sir, if they'd 'ad the luck to git 'em. But luck
was agin us. I got up early, before Priscilla and Mrs.
Lavender, so that it shouldn't interfere with my morn-
ing's work. Your boots would have been all ready for
you, sir."
" But what made you drop the eggs and run away
when the policeman touched you ?"
" I was frightened about the clothes, sir, and I didn't
know what he was going to do with me. They're not
my clothes, sir, they're yourn, and I'd 110 right to pawn
'em." He cast a look of entreaty at his young mistress,
as if entreating forgiveness for contradicting her. "I
was scared, sir, and I took to my 'eels."
" The policeman says that you have been seen carry-
ing away things from the house of a night. What
things, Crumbs?"
" Bits of bread, sir, and ends of meat and bones, that
cook gives me. They used to be burnt or throwed
away in the dust'ole, sir; and I arsked 'er to let me
'ave 'em."
" To take home to your mother, Crumbs ?"
"Yes, sir. I 'ope you don't mind, sir. Cook's been
very good to me, and so 'as Priscilla; they wouldn't
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
125
like to see me git into trouble, I know they wouldn't;
and they wouldn't do nothing to git me in it. They
give me a tanner each for mother when I told 'em of
the twins. I ain't took nothing else away, sir; indeed
I ain't!"
It did not need this assurance to touch Harold's heart;
it had been very tender toward Crumbs from the mo-
ment he began to speak.
" I am glad they have been good to you," he said.
"Here is the money to get your clothes out of pawn.
Go and get them at once, and put them on. When you
come back I will pay you your wages."
" But this five shillings, sir!" said Crumbs, hardly
daring to believe what Fairy Hope was whispering to
him.
" A present from your mistress, Crumbs. Run and
get your clothes."
Crumbs' lips quivered, and the look of gratitude he
cast upon his master and mistress was not forgotten by
them for many a long day.
"Wash your face, Crumbs, before you go," said Ed-
wina.
" I will, mum," said the lad, and with eyes and heart
overrunning he left the room.
" Harold, love," said Ed wina, " you have made me so
happy, so happy ! "
" It is what I wish to do, darling," said Harold, em-
bracing her. " Now I must speak to Priscilla and Mrs.
Lavender."
" Let me say something to you first," interposed Ed-
wina earnestly. " The poor woman ! How I pity her! "
"Say nothing, Edwina," said Harold in a monitory
tone, " till I have spoken to the other servants."
126
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
He had them up, one at a time, and questioned them
about Crumbs. He learned much that was new to him
concerning the boy, and nothing that was not to his
credit. Mrs. Lavender and Priscilla had served in other
establishments before they came to Harold and Edwina,
and had had other boys, in and out of buttons, to deal
with, but not one of them to compare with Crumbs for
willingness, patience, and good temper.
" Never a saucy word out of his lips, sir," said Mrs.
Lavender. "As full of fun, when his heart's not heavy,
as an egg is of meat. He's not a handsome boy, and
there's a many as wouldn't take to him because of his
looks, but he's as good as gold. He don't talk much,
and it's only by chance words he let drop that we found
out about his mother. He don't spend a penny on him-
self as other boys do, but gives everything he's got
to her. It was when he asked me for the scraps we
used to throw away that I begun to suspect how poor
she was. I don't wish any mother a better son than
Crumbs is."
In short, Crumbs' fellow-servants were ready to de-
fend him through thick and thin, and would not hear a
word against him.
"Now, Edwina," said Harold, when these interviews
were over, " what have you to say ?"
" Harold, dear," she replied, " we have come by the
most singular means into the possession of a large sum
of money, and I think we ought to spend a little of it
in doing good."
" I agree with you, Edwina."
" Let us go and see Crumbs' mother."
"We will. There is Crumbs in his new clothes. I
must ask him something."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
127
When the boy came in Edwina gave him a bright
smile, and said, "You look quite nice, Crumbs."
" I feel so, mum, thank you and master.'"
" I wish you to tell us, Crumbs," said Harold, " what
your mother is."
Crumbs scratched his head and looked puzzled. He
could find no other answer than, " She's mother, sir."
"Yes, I know. But does she do anything in the
shape of work ?"
" A bit of charing, sir, and a bit of washing, when she
can git it, and when she's able to."
Edwina made a mental note. " She shall do all our
charing and all our washing."
" She can't always get it to do," said Harold.
"No, sir. Per'aps 'cause there's sech a lot of us, and
'cause mother ain't reg'lar, 'aving to look after sech a
lot."
" How many brothers and sisters have you, Crumbs ?"
" Ten, sir. There's eleven on us altogether."
Edwina held up her hands. Eleven children, and
nothing in the cupboard to eat, and the rent behind-
hand, and the poor mother in bed nursing a pair of
twins ! Sweet pity stirred her tender heart.
" When you entered our service seven months ago,"
continued Harold, " you told me you had no father."
" Poor father died a week afore I come to you, sir."
" How old is the eldest of your brothers and sisters ?"
asked Harold.
" I'm the oldest, sir."
" You! Why, you told me you were only fourteen ! "
" That's all I am, sir. Mother's 'ad twins three times,
sir, and ain't lost one on us."
" Heavens ! " murmured Edwina. " How dreadful! "
128
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" So that none of the children are old enough to help
her on," said Harold.
" Only me, sir. I do what I can."
"Your mistress and I, Crumbs, wish to go and see
your mother. You will go with us."
" Thank you, sir. You won't mind the room being a
bit upset, sir ?"
"No, we shall not mind. Be ready for us, Crumbs,
in about an hour."
" Harold," said Edwina, when they were once more
alone, " why can't we start at once ?"
" I must pay the tradesmen first," he replied, " and I
must put some of that money in the bank. It isn't safe
to leave so much in the house. I will not put it in all
at once, because they might ask questions which it would
be awkward to answer. I must call at Mr. Perry's, too,
and tell him to paint the door that he put the shutter
in, and to make a good job of it. I was thinking of
having a new door, but it will be best, perhaps, to leave
it as it is at present. Who knows what may happen ?
The shutter may come in useful again. Then, Edwina,
wouldn't you like to give Mrs. Lavender instructions
to pack a basket of things for Mrs. Crumbs and the
children ?"
"There is nothing you don't think of, love," said
Edwina. " Go and do all the things you want, and I
will stop at home and get a hamper ready. Harold,
dear, we have gone through so much, and all is so hap-
pily over, that we will call this Thanksgiving Day."
" Not at all a bad idea, Edwina. Thanksgiving Day
it shall be."
It occupied him just an hour to transact his outdoor
business, to pay all the tradesmen's bills, to bank six
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
129
hundred sovereigns, and to tell Mr. Perry to paint the
door without delay. When he got back to Rosamund
Bower there was a cab at the gate with a hamper on
top, and Crumbs standing at the old knacker's head
in case that ancient animal should take it into his
head to run away with Edwina, who was sitting inside.
Harold stepped in, the boy took his seat by the side
of the driver, and they ambled along to the home of
Crumbs.
It lay in King Street, Chelsea, and was situated at the
top of a dismal-looking house, one of a dismal-looking
terrace of houses in a dismal-looking thoroughfare.
The only ray of sunshine that seemed to penetrate the
neighborhood had by some benevolent means found
its way into the poor room occupied by the numerous
Crumbs family, where the mother lay with her twins
at her breast, and every one of the small children
was engaged in something useful. Considered as a
collection, their names were the oddest possible. In
the order of their ages came first, Crumbs (who had
taken upon himself the family surname), then Bath-
sheba, then Alexander and Alexandria (the first pair of
twins), then Maryjane, then Cockles and Benjie (the
second pair of twins), then Montrose and Bismarck,
and lastly the third pair of twins, as yet unnamed. Pre-
sumably the father was responsible for the odd nomen-
clature, which, in the case of his vote being solicited,
could not be said to afford any clear indication of his
political opinions. However, this was of the smallest
importance to the family he had left behind him, domes-
tic affairs being more in their way. Benjie was nursing
Montrose, and Cockles was nursing Bismarck; Mary-
jane was polishing the stove (in which there was no
130
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
fire) without the aid of blacklead, and with a brush the
back of which only remained, there being no vestige of
a bristle on it; Alexander was endeavoring to impart
a gloss to his almost soleless and heelless boots with a
brush similar in character and without any blacking,
and Alexandria and Bathsheba were mending clothes
which ordinary people would have declared to have
been long past mending. And though their breakfast
had consisted merely of the scraps of food which Crumbs
had brought home from Mrs. Lavender's kitchen the
previous night, and there was no provision for another
meal during the day, they were performing their several
tasks with as much cheerfulness as if they had just
feasted to repletion off poor man's goose and plum-
cake, and had some twelve or fourteen pounds of top-
side of beef in a convenient larder outside, anxiously
waiting to be roasted for dinner.
At the moment of the fairy cab stopping at the house
which sheltered these half-starved, cheerful creatures,
Bismarck was exhibiting symptoms of fretfulness, which
Cockles, his nurse, was endeavoring to beguile with
nursery songs. Bismarck, however, declined to be
soothed, and Cockles had just said, "If you are not
good, Bismarck, I'll take off your head and sew on a
button " (which alarming threat produced the desired
effect), when steps were heard on the stairs. They
paused to listen, and jumped up as the visitors entered,
Crumbs and the cabman first, carrying the hamper, and
Harold and Edwina bringing up the rear. The chil-
dren stared in dumb amazement at the procession, and
stood so stock-still for a few moments that they might
have been petrifactions. While Harold was dropping
some shillings into the cabman's hand Edwina hastened
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
131
to the bed upon which the dumfoundered Mrs. Crumbs
was lying.
"We have come to see you, Mrs. Crumbs," she said,
in a confidential tone and with her brightest smile,
" and I hope you will excuse the unceremonious way in
which we entered. Your son Crumbs is in our service,
and he is such a good boy that we are going to raise
his wages."
" I am glad you are satisfied with him, ma'am," said
Mrs. Crumbs, rather faintly. " He is always telling us
how kind you are to him."
".Oh no, not at all," said Edwina; "he deserves a
great deal more than he gets. May I see the babies 1"
Mrs. Crumbs uncovered their heads, and Edwina not
only bent over them and softly kissed them, but actually
had the courage to take the first one that came, and
hold it in her arms, and rock to and fro, as if it were
her mission in life to do nothing else. Her fair young
face was like an angel's face, and the hearts of every
one in the room went out to her. Indeed, to the chil-
dren she was a vision of sweetness and loveliness which
in the future was one of the tenderest reminiscences
in their young lives. Their attention was presently
diverted by the unpacking of the hamper, from which
fresh bread and butter, new-laid eggs, tins of sardines
and condensed milk, tea, sugar, the best part of a ham,
a large Madeira cake, and several pots of jam were
produced. They were deposited wherever there was
space for them, and the children's eyes grew larger and
larger as each fresh treasure was revealed and handed
by Harold to Crumbs. As for Crumbs' eyes, they glis-
tened like diamonds.
"We thought the children would enjoy them," said
132
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
Edwina, "and oh, dear Mrs. Crumbs, are these all
yours ?"
"Yes, ma'am," replied Mrs. Crumbs, "they are all
mine, God bless them."
Harold was busy cutting the Madeira cake, which
he was distributing to the children, topping each piece
with a slice of ham, cut with Crumbs' large pocket-
knife. He then opened a pot of raspberry jam, and
was about to put spoonfuls on the slices of ham when
Bathsheba, the eldest, a little mother in her steady
ways, ventured to say:
" If you please, sir, I think we should like the jam
afterward."
" Of course you would," said Harold merrily. " What
an absurd fellow I am ! Raspberry jam on cold ham !
Who ever heard of such a thing! "
"That is my husband," whispered Edwina to Mrs.
Crumbs. " What do you think of him ?"
" Think of him, ma'am ! " said Mrs. Crumbs, happy
tears running down her face. " Oh, my dear lady, my
heart's too full to say! "
Thanksgiving Day, indeed!
"You have no fire," said Edwina, "and I should like
to get you a cup of tea."
"We've the use of the kitchen, ma'am," said Mrs.
Crumbs. " Crumbs knows."
Crumbs had caught the words, and presto! he was
out of the room with tea and tea-pot in his hands, and
back again with most marvelous celerity, bearing with
him the steaming beverage.
" Harold," said Edwina, " hold the baby. I want to
give Mrs. Crumbs her tea."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
133
Harold took the baby very gingerly, and after ascer-
taining which was the right side np, began to say ab-
surd things to the infant and to turn very red in the
face. He was dreadfully frightened, and Mrs. Crumbs,
looking at him, thought, " Oh dear! I hope he won't
drop it!"
"Don't be afraid," said Edwina; "my husband is
very clever. He can turn his hand to anything. Now
drink your tea, and eat this bread and butter—Crumbs,
why do you cut it so thick ? Bring the butter here im-
mediately, sir!—and then we will talk."
Mrs. Crumbs ate and drank in wondering gratitude.
Her heart, truly, was too full for words. In her great
need, when she had not money enough to buy a loaf of
bread, and nothing but the workhouse seemed to be
before them, God had sent an angel to her succor, to
the succor of her children, not one of whom, hard as
her lot was, would she have parted with for untold gold.
The happy meal over, and the children's stomachs
full, Edwina called Harold to the bedside, and, each
of them nursing a twin, they consulted together as to
what they could do for Mrs. Crumbs. The mother, for
the most part, was silent, feeling it a kind of presump-
tion to suggest to these Heaven-sent friends how they
could best assist her.
"What we wish to do, Mrs. Crumbs," said Harold,
after a few minutes of word wandering, " is something
for the future, something that will enable you to keep
your wonderful family in comfort. The question is,
what?"
It occurred to Edwina to say here, as nothing practi-
cal had yet been suggested:
134
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Why, anything! A woman like Mrs. Crumbs could
open a colony! " Which, curious as was the phrase,
was capable of profound application.
" She could," said Harold, looking at the children;
" and if a colony, why not a shop ?"
If Edwina had not been holding a baby she would
have clapped her hands; as it was, she clapped them
metaphorically, and cried, "Yes, a shop. The next
question is, what kind of shop ?"
Mrs. Crumbs could scarcely believe her ears. Was
it possible that these young people, hardly more than
boy and girl, were serious in their intentions ? Was
it possible that she would be lifted out of the gulf of
grinding poverty, with no prospect before her and her
children but one of misery, up to a verdant held where
she would be able to earn bread and butter for them
all ? For that was the height of her ambition. A roof
to cover them, a decent pair of boots to their feet, and
bread and butter.
"No, Edwina," said Harold, "the next question is
whether Mrs. Crumbs would like to keep a shop. Tell
us, Mrs. Crumbs."
" 0 sir," said Mrs. Crumbs, " it is like a dream. It
would cost so much "
" Then you would like to keep a shop," interrupted
Harold.
"I should think I was in heaven, sir," said Mrs.
Crumbs.
"Then we will consider it settled," said Harold;
" eh, Edwina ?"
" Yes, dear, it is settled," said Edwina. " It is settled,
Mrs. Crumbs; you shall open a shop, and we will put
things in it for you to sell. And perhaps you would
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
135
like a little time to decide the kind of shop you would
prefer; you are not strong enough yet to give it proper
consideration. When yon have decided we will—there
is a term, is there not, Harold ?"
" Stock it," said Harold.
"Yes," said Edwina, "we will stock the shop for you.
Take a week to think over it, and then my husband
and I, and Crumbs, will set to work and get it ready
for you. Till then "—she looked at Harold; he under-
stood her, and furtively slipped a couple of sovereigns
into her hand—" till then, dear Mrs. Crumbs, a present
for the twins." She transferred the money to Mrs.
Crumbs, under the counterpane.
Mrs. Crumbs turned her head away; her grateful
feelings found vent in tears which she shed quietly.
"And now, Harold," said Edwina briskly, "it is time
for us to go. You bad boy, look how you are holding
that dear baby! " She took it from him, and put the
twins in their mother's arms. " Good-by, Mrs. Crumbs."
She lowered her head to the mother's face and kissed
her, and the grateful woman murmured:
"Heaven reward you, dear young lady, and your
good husband ! I can't find words to thank you. If
you knew how I felt "
" Don't say anything more," whispered Edwina, " or
you will make me cry. I am so glad that we are able
to help you! Good-by; get well as quick as you can;
we will see you again soon. Good-by, children. Oh,
what a lot of you! ' There was an old woman who
lived in a shoe' "
She kissed them all round, and saying it would take
a long time before she knew which was Cockles, and
which Bismarck, and which Montrose, and which all
136
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
the others, was going away when Benjie, with his little
fingers clutching her dress, said:
" I know where you come from."
" Where from, my dear ?" she asked.
" From up there," said Benjie solemnly, with his eyes
on the black ceiling.
Between laughing and crying, Edwina ran from the
room dragging Harold with her.
Crumbs was sent home by himself, and the young
couple had a delightful walk back to Rosamund Bower.
" My darling Edwina," said Harold, " as you sat with
that baby in your arms it came into my mind that you
are growing lovelier and lovelier every day of your
life."
" Don't spoil me, you dear boy," said Edwina, " or I
shall disappoint you and grow ugly and wicked."
Truly, Thanksgiving Day!
CHAPTER XII.
mrs. crumbs opens her shop.
They were very busy the next three or four weeks.
Scarcely a day passed that Edwina did not visit the
Crumbs family, and she never went empty-handed.
The children simply adored her, and she engaged her-
self to be married to all the male members of the fam-
ily in turn. Had she been the fairy queen in a panto-
mime, in all the glory of gauze and spangles, with a
diamond star in her hair and a magic wand in her
hand, she could not have been welcomed more raptur-
ously. Her foot on the stairs, her face at the door, and
Joy took its place on the domestic throne. If she went
to the humble room with a light heart she came away
with a lighter.
" I declare," she said to Harold, u it does me all the
good in the world to go there. I am ever so grateful
to Crumbs for having such an interesting mother and
such a number of interesting brothers and sisters."
Solemn were the consultations the young couple and
Mrs. Crumbs (who was soon able to get about) held,
either in the little room in King Street, Chelsea, or in
Rosamund Bower, Fulham, the purpose of these meet-
ings being to settle the kind of shop which Mrs. Crumbs
was to open. It was not a subject to be hastily dis-
cussed and decided upon; it needed all the powers of
their minds, and they approached it with a becoming
sense of its importance.
137
138
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
Edwina suggested butter, and they considered the
suitability of a butter shop, Mrs. Crumbs, for the most
part, playing the part of listener to the kind friends
who intended " to set her up " in life.
" It would be a delightful occupation," said Edwina.
"There is nothing I should like so much as to be a
butterwoman myself, in a new print dress and a pretty
apron with a bib. I can see the very shop. There is
the white milk in the polished cans, there is the butter
in half-tubs, there is the marble counter, there are the
weights and scales; everything is exquisitely fresh and
sweet. A boy comes in, ' Half a pound of fresh,' he
says. I seize the butter slice, and cut a piece out of
the half-tub, drop it on the scale, take a little bit off or
put a little bit on to make weight, transfer it to the
marble counter, dab it and turn it over with the butter
pats, press it, and tap it, and coax it, and beat it softly
into a nice shape, stamp it with 1 Edwina, warranted
fresh,' take the money, give change out of the till, and
the boy goes away as happy as a king. Next customer,
please!"
" And I shouldn't wish," said Harold, " to be served
by a daintier butterwoman. But, after all, I have my
doubts of butter. It would need a knowledge of cows."
" Of course," said Edwina, " and eggs. How do you
tell new-laid ones ?"
" Break them in a basin—no, that wouldn't do. Hold
them up to the light. But what does Mrs. Crumbs think
of a butter shop, and what does she know about cows ?"
"Not a great deal, sir," replied Mrs. Crumbs, in a
voice that slightly trembled. " I've seen 'em in Saint
James's Park. Would it be necessary to keep a cow
in the back parlor ?"
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
139
This question, which amused them very much, caused
them to dismiss the butter shop, much to Mrs. Crumbs'
relief, who evidently did not consider herself equal to
butter.
There was a short pause, and then Edwina suggested
meat.
u Ah," said Harold, " meat. Could Mrs. Crumbs di-
vide ribs ?"
" I am willing to learn, sir," said Mrs. Crumbs meekly.
" Perhaps you could assist me."
Edwina and Harold, with the vision before them of
Harold carving a cooked joint, burst out laughing, and
they went on laughing till Harold said:
"We must not indulge in levity; we must be serious.
Let us apply a test. Mrs. Crumbs will kindly tell us
what five pounds five ounces would come to at eleven-
pence three farthings a pound."
" With fat, Harold ?" inquired Edwina, wishing to
assist Mrs. Crumbs.
" It always comes with fat," said Harold thoughtfully;
"but I should like Mrs. Crumbs to be an exceptional
butcher, or, to put it in another way, a butcher with a
conscience. There was a time when English commerce
proudly reared its head; I should like Mrs. Crumbs to
proudly rear hers as she cuts away the fat. It will
vindicate the national honor."
" Harold," cried Edwina enthusiastically, " you must
give a public lecture on that."
" It will take some time to prepare, love," said Har-
old, " there are so many authorities to look up. I
should have to buy all the encyclopaedias. Mrs. Crumbs
has perhaps forgotten my question. How much would
five pounds five ounces of English mutton come to at
140
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
elevenpence three farthings a pound, without fat, and
while the customer is waiting ?"
A look of despair settled on Mrs. Crumbs' counte-
nance.
" Don't worry, dear Mrs. Crumbs," said Edwina
sympathetically; " you are not quite strong yet, and it
isn't fair. You would have to use a cleaver, and I
don't see how she could do that, do you, Harold ? No,
it cannot be meat. I have thought of the very thing.
A toy shop ! "
" Bravo ! " said Harold; and Mrs. Crumbs brightened
up. She felt herself equal to a toy shop.
"Yes," continued Edwina, "and it must have a
double window. On one side, toys; on the other side,
sweetstuff. What is your opinion, Mrs. Crumbs ?"
"I couldn't wish for anything better," said Mrs.
Crumbs.
" Then it is settled • and now we will look out for
a shop with a double window, and Mrs. Crumbs shall
mSike her fortune."
They found that the service of kindness which they
had taken upon themselves was one of the most agree-
able occupations in which they had ever been engaged.
After a great deal of hunting about, in the course of
which they looked over any number of houses and had
any number of conversations with all sorts of people,
who told all sorts of tarradiddles, they fell in love with
a modest shop situated midway between Rosamund
Bower and King Street. There were two windows to
it, there was a back parlor, there was a kitchen, and
upstairs there were two bedrooms; and the rent of this
most desirable residence was only twenty-four shillings
a week. It was not very large, but in comparison with
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
141
what the Crumbs family had been accustomed to it was
Paradise. Harold entered into an immediate agreement
for a year, with option to renew, rent payable monthly
in advance, and he got rid of a certain amount of bother
by paying down three months at once, in order, as he
said, to make Mrs. Crumbs comfortable in her mind.
The next thing they had to do was to furnish it, for
though Mrs. Crumbs had a little furniture of her own,
it was not half enough for such a mansion as this. The
cost of the additional furniture and of some alterations
and fittings in the shop to render it suitable for the
business to be carried on there amounted to twenty-two
pounds, so that the whole expenditure up to this stage
was under forty pounds. The next thing they had to
do was to stock the shop, and it was a fancy of theirs
that Mrs. Crumbs should take no part in this labor, and
should not even be consulted as to the kind of stock
she was to commence business with and the capital to
be invested to start with. They would surprise her;
they would say to her, " You are to take possession on
such and such a day; " and when she and her family
came in they would find everything provided for them.
All that she would have to do would be to go to bed
that night, and take down the shutters next morning,
and wait for customers. The chief credit of these
devices must be given to Edwina, though it is true that
she had but to make a proposition for Harold to carry
it out. He did not raise the ghost of an objection to
anything she wished. As Edwina said, he was the
dearest fellow!
Now, where should they go to buy toys and sweet-
stuff! Edwina proposed that they should drive to a
number of different shops and buy parcels of everything
142
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
they saw in the windows and on the shelves, but Harold
sconted the proposition.
"We must buy wholesale," he said; "we can't give
retail prices; Mrs. Crumbs would make nothing out of
the goods. Buy in the cheapest, sell in the dearest
market. That is how nations grow great and people
make their fortunes. This is political economy, love."
"My dear Harold," said Edwina, with a wise shake
of her head, "my political economy is ever so much
better and simpler than yours. I would buy a thing
for so much and sell it for double. So that the more
I gave for it the more I should make out of it."
"But suppose, Edwina, people would not pay the
price you ask for the things ?"
" Then I would not buy them."
" But you have bought them already, love. You have
them on your hands, and you cannot sell them. What
then ?"
"You foolish boy! I would take them in a cab to
the people I bought them of, and say, ' Give me my
money back, and all the extra money I have spent in
trying to sell your goods, and pay me for the time I
have wasted.'"
" They would not do it, love."
" Then they are not honest tradesmen," said Edwina,
"and I would never deal with them again. We will
not argue about it, dear. Do your political economy
your own way, and find out the cheapest market."
Among their friends was a family of the. name of
Markleby, with whom they were upon very good terms,
and who lived about a mile from Rosamund Bower.
Mrs. Markleby was a sociably inclined lady, and *was
fond of giving parties; Mr. Markleby was an impor-
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
143
tant person in the city. They did not exactly know
what he was, but it was well known that he was hand
in glove with all the wholesale houses in London, and
that a note from him would enable you to buy small
parcels of everything you wanted at wholesale prices,
and with all the discounts off. Markleby, as everybody
called him, without the prefix of Mr., was in immense
demand with all his friends and acquaintances (who
spoke of him as "a power"); and his friends' friends
and acquaintances' acquaintances frequently begged
an introduction to the great man. When a friend
wanted to make a present of jewelry, or to buy a piano,
or a dress piece, or some new furniture, or wall paper,
or trimmings, or anything whatever, he went to Mar-
kleby, who in the most obliging manner told him where
to go, and gave him a line which got him twenty-five
per cent. off. It was even whispered that Markleby
could put you in the way of burying all your relations
at a substantial discount. Harold had never called
upon Markleby for a service of a business nature, but
it now occurred to him that he was the counselor they
needed.
"We will go and ask Markleby," he said; " he is just
the man."
As there was no chance of catching Markleby at
home in the daytime they went in the evening, after
dinner-hour. Markleby and his wife were in, and re-
ceived them cordially.
" So glad to see you," said Mrs. Markleby. " Have
you received my letter ?"
" No," replied Edwina; " did you write to me ?"
u ^es, my dear, and you must say yes, you positively
must say yes."
144
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" I do say yes," said Edwina, smiling, " but what is
it tou?"
"Wait a moment, my dear. What are you saying,
Markleby ?"
"I was saying," replied Markleby, "that Sparling
wants to speak to me upon a very particular matter of
business, and that if you and Mrs. Sparling will kindly
postpone about the party for a minute or two I shall
be able to catch what he says. It is no secret, is it ?"
(To Harold.)
" Oh no; Edwina knows all about it, and she is as
anxious as I am."
This was quite enough to stimulate Mrs. Markleby's
curiosity, and she said of course they would wait till
the gentlemen were done.
Harold explained his business, and Markleby said,
" Certainly, my boy. Come to me in the city at twelve
o'clock to-morrow, and I'll put you in the way of
buying everything you want at the lowest possible
prices."
" Oh, how good of you! " cried Edwina, forgetful of
her political economy principles of buying in the dear-
est market; " and may I come, too ?—but I must come.
Harold will never know the right things to suit."
" Shall be pleased to see you," said Markleby. " I'll
give you a bit of lunch, and then you can go and lay
out your money. Lucky you came to me, Sparling;
you'd have been regularly taken in if you had gone
about without an introduction."
"You're very kind," said Harold. "If I can return
it in any way "
"You can, Mr. Sparling," interposed Mrs. Markleby.
" Just say you will come to our party. I have written
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
145
to Mrs. Sparling, and you'll find the letter when you
get home."
"We shall be delighted to come. Eh, Edwina?"
" Nothing will give us greater pleasure," said Edwina.
" Thank you, dear; then I will send out some of the
other invitations to-night. They are already written
and addressed, but not yet stamped. To tell you the
truth, I am giving the party especially for you."
" Oh, Mrs. Markleby ! "
" Yes, dear, for you and your husband; I've had it
in my mind ever since you were married, and if you
had said you couldn't come, why, there would be no
party at all. I rely upon you, remember. You must
on no account disappoint me."
"We will not disappoint you, Mrs. Markleby; you
may depend upon us. When is it ?"
" Not for four or five weeks yet, so you have time to
get your dress ready. It is a dance, and we are going
to have a new floor put down—some patent that Mar-
kleby's in the secret of. You'll see about it to-morrow,
Markleby."
" The first thing. Toys and sweets you say, Spar-
ling. Yes, yes, toys and sweets. You shall get them
at export prices."
As Mrs. Markleby wished to set to work upon her
in vitations, and as Harold and Edwina wished to set to
work making out lists for to-morrow's expedition, they
did not remain long. When they reached home they
found Mrs. Markleby's letter, to which Edwina said it
would only be polite to reply at once, so they sent
Crumbs to the post with an acceptance.
"It will be a big affair," said Harold; "it looks to
me like a regular ball."
146
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
"And given for us, Harold. It is too kind of her.
I shall be glad of a dance with my dear boy. Yon are
down for all the waltzes, love. And what am I to wear ?"
Punctually at noon the following day they presented
themselves at Markleby's office in the city, and he took
them to lunch, and showed them specimens of the new
flooring he was going to lay down—" all in honor of
you," he said—and then gave them personal letters to
two firms where they could make their purchases for
Mrs. Crumbs' shop. They visited the toy warehouse
first, a dusty establishment in Bishopsgate Street, con-
taining an immense number of small rooms, and every
room containing an immense quantity of toys of every
possible description, piled up on the floor and shelves,
and hidden in cunning recesses, and hanging from the
ceiling. One of the managers went round with them,
and explained the mysteries of thirds and sixths and
twelfths, which Edwina was a long time understanding.
When the salesman showed her a doll as an attraction
for the window which was too expensive to find a ready
sale, and said, " Yon can have a.twelfth," she thought
he meant a limb and not the twelfth of a dozen. When
she mastered the mystery she became quite reckless,
taking a dozen of these, a fourth of those, two thirds
of t'others, and Heaven knows what of everything else.
They began by putting down the things they ordered,
but after a while they gave it up in pleasurable be-
wilderment, and had it not been for the salesman, who
took a kindly interest in them because of Markleby,
and because they were such an amusing and simple
couple, they would have gone on ordering the same
things over and over again. Two or three times in the
course of their purchases Edwina whispered to Harold:
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
147
"This just suits me, love; I am in my element. I
think we will open a toy shop ourselves."
"Yes," he said, "a toy shop for the aristocracy."
"No," Edwina rejoined, rather pensively, "for poor
children—only for poor children."
At length they came to the end of their selection,
and then Edwina began to feel nervous, and said she
was afraid they had laid out hundreds of pounds. But
an agreeable surprise awaited them, for when the bill
was totted up it did not amount to thirty pounds, which
caused Edwina to remark that she never would have
believed they could have got such numbers and num-
bers of things for such a little money.
From the toy shop they proceeded to the wholesale
sweetstuff shop, which was in the immediate neighbor-
hood, and there they were let into the mysteries of
bull's-eyes, and brandy balls, and peppermint in various
forms, and hundreds and thousands, and almond rock,
and hard-bake, and Turkish Delight, and treacle palettes,
and Jumbo's chains, and pokers, and stickjaw, and ever
so many other delectables. The bill came to under
twelve pounds, and in the end, when all the goods were
delivered at the shop and everything was paid for,
Harold said that he had not expended more than ninety
pounds altogether. Two or three pounds more were
expended in coals and groceries and other provisions,
even to bread and butter and a joint of meat and three
pounds of sausages. They forgot nothing.
"Now," he said, "Mrs. Crumbs can come in to-
morrow and commence to unpack the things, for I
think, Edwina, we had better not attempt it."
At noon the next day Mrs. Crumbs and her children
moved from their attic straight into Paradise. Let a
148
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
veil be drawn over their ecstasy, their gratitude, their
wondering worship, when they saw what had been done
for them. That night prayers for Edwina and Harold
went up to heaven from the hearts of ten young chil-
dren and their hard-working mother. And early the
following morning Edwina and Harold stood at the
counter, and while the goods were being taken out of
their wrappers they purchased dolls, and butchers' shops,
and balls, and kites, and popguns, and sweet-stuff, to the
tune of twenty-two shillings, speaking very severely to
Mrs. Crumbs when she asked reduced prices, and in-
quiring how she expected to get on if she went on like
that? They paid ready money, and then, bidding the
children to stand in a row, distributed among them
all the things they had bought, and bade them good-
morning.
CHAPTER XIII.
harold and edwina take the second pinch.
The labors which had occupied them for several
weeks past had been of so engrossing a nature that
they had scarcely thought of Mr. Wottisnot and of the
bargain they had made with him. Time had slipped
by so rapidly that they had taken no notice of it, but
they were reminded of their obligation, and that the
hour had arrived when they were bound to take the
second pinch of snuff, by the appearance of the snuff-
box itself on the table when they were sitting together
on the night before Mrs. Markleby's ball. Edwina's
dress had been brought home, and she had tried it on.
" Do you like it, Harold ?" she asked.
" You are a dream of loveliness," Harold said. " Ed-
wina, darling, I could gaze on you forever."
They had looked forward to the ball with great
pleasure, and repeatedly said how much they expected
to enjoy themselves. It was to be a grand affair, and
everybody knew it was given in their honor.
"Harold," cried Edwina, "look there ! "
On the table was Mr. Wottisnot's snuff-box, with its
absurd picture of the pelican in convulsions of laughter.
Neither of them had seen the snuff-box since the night
they were turned into each other. Harold had put it
by in his desk, and he was certain he had not taken it
out. Neither had Edwina. Then how came it on the
table? It was a question they were quite unable to
149
150
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
answer, and they fixed their eyes on it in consternation
and "bewilderment.
" Is it a hint," Harold muttered, " that time is up ?
Can Mr. Wottisnot have been here in our absence, and
left his snuff-box behind him as a gentle reminder?
But no; Priscilla would have been certain to have told
us if he had called; it is not possible that his first, and
last, visit to this house could be forgotten. And he
could not have left his snuff-box here to-day, because
he left it last time and never called for it. But of its
own accord it has taken it into its head to mount up the
legs of this table—and, Edwina," his voice grew firmer,
" it has to be dealt with."
He laid his hand upon it and was about to open it
when Edwina screamed:
" Don't, Harold, don't! Something might jump out! "
"I can't help that," said Harold. ''There may be
some writing inside, explaining matters."
But there was no writing inside, and nothing jumped
out of the box. There was only the snuff, which, be-
ing shaken by the opening of the box, gently titillated
their noses with its pungent flavor.
" It is just possible," said Harold, " that in a moment
of forgetfulness I myself may have taken it from my
desk, but I have no recollection of it. Edwina, we have
gone through dangers together, and have escaped none
the worse for them. We are bound to brave again the
perils of the Unknown and the Unknowable (until it
chooses to reveal itself), and we must screw up our
courage, as somebody says in the play—which I always
regarded as an absurd remark, because it suggests a
four-post bedstead that has to be put together. We
entered into a solemn obligation with Mr. Wottisnot,
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
151
and if we break it Heaven alone knows what may hap-
pen to us. We dare not break it—we dare not! I
tremble to think of the consequences, though I haven't
the slightest idea of their nature. The second pinch
of snuff has to be taken and must be taken. Are you
prepared for the ordeal ?"
" I am not," said Edwina, u and, dear Harold, I shall
not be prepared till after Mrs. Markleby's ball. I have
set my heart upon going, and I will not be deprived of
the pleasure. Besides, we are pledged to Mrs. Markleby
as much as we are pledged to Mr. Wottisnot; we gave
her an absolute promise that we would 'go; she made
the ball for us especially, and if we had not pledged
ourselves it would not have been given."
" Edwina, love," said Harold, " I wish you would not
drag in so many pledges; it sounds as if we were going
to open a pawnbroker's shop. And do not palter, love;
whatever you do, I beg you not to palter, and not to
raise frivolous excuses and arguments that will not
hold water. It is true that we are pledged—I beg your
pardon, that we have taken upon ourselves two obliga-
tions, one to Mr. Wottisnot, the other to Mrs. Markleby.
But the difference between them is immense, simply
immense. One we are bound to fulfill, and cannot get
out of; the other we will fulfill if we are presentable;
and should we find that we are not in a fit state to go
we must invent some plausible excuse. We are in a
helpless position, and cannot help ourselves. We are
slaves, and must march straight on."
" Harold, dear," asked Edwina tearfully, " is there no
way of putting it off till we come home from the ballJ?"
" I see none, Edwina. The two months expire at ten
o'clock to-morrow night, at about which hour we shall
152
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
be starting for Mrs. Markleby's house. I saw Markleby
yesterday, and he told me the new flooring was down,
and that it shone like wax. We cannot go through the
—the—the operation, I suppose we must call it, when
we are dressing for the ball; it would be tempting fate.
This is the only night that is open to us. Let us know
the worst, so that we may be in a position to deal with
it. And remember, love, there is a glimmer of hope.
Mr. Wottisnot said Something will Occur, but he did
not say that it was bound to occur to us. It may occur
to somebody else. That would be jolly, wouldn't it?"
Edwina shook her head sorrowfully. " I have a pre-
sentiment, Harold, that it will occur to us, and not to
anybody else. It is the price we have to pay."
" But there is a loophole, love," said Harold eagerly,
"that we are losing sight of. Mr. Wottisnot said it
might not occur immediately, and perhaps he will
oblige us this time by putting it off a day or two. At
any rate, Edwina, we must chance it."
"Oh, my beautiful dress ! " murmured Edwina, almost
heart-broken. " Oh, my sweet, beautiful dress ! "
"You may be able to wear it, after all, dear. Don't
let us anticipate evils. And bear in mind that in what
may happen there will be nothing tragic; wre have Mr.
Wottisnot's word for that, and he has proved himself
to be a man of his wrord. It will be something comic,
to make people laugh."
" Yes, I know that; other people. That is where the
shoe pinches, Harold. Other people. If we were turned
into clown and pantaloon it would make other people
laugh, but could we show ourselves at Mrs. Markleby's
bah?"
"No, dear, it would be out of the question j but I am
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
153
convinced it will be nothing of the sort; I am convinced
it will be something nice. Come, take heart, Edwina.
It has to be done; let us do it."
" Very well, Harold. I am resigned, quite resigned;
only let us wait till the servants are in bed."
They waited till the domestics had retired for the
night, and then they locked the door and prepared for
the ordeal. And now that they were resolved to com-
mit themselves to it they went about it in a more cheer-
ful way. Harold gave Edwina a glass of champagne to
strengthen her, and he took one himself. Their spirits
rose; there was even a little smile on their lips, and
they went through the program in regular order.
" My wish will be money, Edwina. What will your
wish be ?"
" Money," she replied.
"Quite satisfactory," said Harold; "we wish for
money. Mr. Wottisnot seems willing to pay, and raises
no objection; he should therefore be made to pay. The
next thing to fix, Edwina, is the amount."
" Let us put it down on paper as we did before," said
Edwina, " and if we don't agree, add them up and divide
them."
Harold consenting, they wrote the amount they
wished for on separate pieces of paper, and found that
each had wished for two thousand pounds.
"Nothing but the most singular coincidences, Har-
old," observed Edwina. " It is really remarkable. Kiss
me, love, before we go on; it will keep up my courage."
They kissed each other, and Edwina said she felt
much better.
" Now for the snuff," said Harold. " Take it bravely,
Edwina."
154
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" I am beginning* rather to like it, love."
But she looked somewhat distrustfully at her fingers
and thumb as she slowly raised the snuff to her nose.
Harold did the same, and they sniffed up simulta-
neously, and immediately sneezed three times. The
sneezes were more violent than on the first occasion,
and they had to wipe the tears from their eyes when
they recovered. It was perhaps the water in them that
made the laughing pelican on the snuff-box appear to be
bobbing up and down in a state of frantic delight.
" So far, so good," said Harold. "And now for our
last duty, darling. Give me your dear hand; when I
say, ' Shut/ you will close your eyes and wish three
times for two thousand pounds; when I say, 'Open,'
you will open them. Don't tremble; it will soon be
over, and, after all, the money will come in very use-
fill."
" G—g—good-by, Harold, darling ! Let me rest my
head on your shoulder for a minute or two. I may
not be able to do so presently."
He folded her in his arms, and they lay quiet for five
or six minutes.
"Are you ready, darling?" whispered Harold.
"Yes. I must be, mustn't I? It might be danger-
ous to wait any longer." She raised her head from
his shoulder, and clasped his hand as tight as tight
could be.
" Shut," said Harold; and they closed their eyes and
wished.
" Open," said Harold, and they opened their eyes,
and there again upon the table was a great pile of gold.
But this time they did not gaze on it long, but tremu-
lously turned their eyes upon one another.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
155
"Why, Harold," cried Edwina joyously, "you are
yourself! Oh, you dear boy, you are yourself! "
" And you, my dear girl," said Harold, no less elated,
"are yourself. Mr. Wottisnot has heard our prayer,
and has put it off till after the ball."
It was incontestably true that nothing had occurred.
There was not the least change in either of them.
"What a dear, good fellow he is!" said Edwina.
" He knows I have had a new dress made and am long-
ing to wear it. Thank you, Mr. Wottisnot, thank you,"
she called out, as if the Genius of the Utterly Absurd
were present. " I am ever so much obliged to you."
"Now that our minds are relieved, darling," said
Harold, "we will not stop up. I want you to have a
good long night's rest, to be quite fresh for the ball and
enjoy it to your heart's content. We will just count
the money and see that it is right; then we will lock
it in the wardrobe and go to bed."
" I feel as if I could dance, dearest."
And, unable to resist the impulse, she pulled Harold
out of his chair, and he put his arm round her waist,
and they had the most delicious and the quietest waltz
imaginable, dodging in and out the chairs and table as
only the most skillful waltzers could have done. Their
rapture over, they sat down to get their breath, and
then proceeded to count the money, which they found
perfectly correct, two thousand sovereigns as before.
" Is it not the most wonderful thing you ever heard
of, Harold ?" asked Edwina.
" I never heard anything to compare with it," he re-
plied. "As for the 'Arabian Nights' " He snapped
his fingers. " I will carry it up to the wardrobe. Will
you come with me ?"
156
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" No, I will put the room straight; we have knocked
down half the chairs. I am not frightened to be left
alone this time, dear."
She gave him a bright look as he went to fetch the
Gladstone bag, and another as he went out again to
deposit it in its place of safety. The second errand
occupied him a longer time than the first, and when he
returned he found to his surprise that Edwina was not
in the room, but that Somebody Else was. Sitting in
Edwina's chair was the daintiest old lady he had ever
seen. Her features were absolutely faultless, a beauti-
fully shaped mouth, in which there did not seem to be
a decayed tooth, the loveliest blue eyes, a saucy nose
slightly tip-tilted—altogether an exceedingly well-pre-
served old lady, who might really have been taken for
a young lady were it not that her hair was silver white.
" How curious ! " thought Harold. " I suppose it is
a visitor that Edwina has let in while I was upstairs.
It is a strange time of night to pay us a visit, and I
don't remember the old lady's face. I wonder who she
is. Edwina will tell me when she comes in—and where
is Edwina? Can she be downstairs making a cup of
tea ?" These thoughts passed through his mind in
less than a moment, and then he said aloud, " Good-
evening."
The graceful old lady looked up at him as if she
were amused at the greeting.
" Good-evening," he said again.
"Nonsense, Harold," replied the old lady. "What
are you wishing me good-evening for ? "
" She knows me," thought Harold, and said, with a
friendly nod, " I was forgetting it was so late 5 I ought
to have wished you good-night, only that would seem
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
157
as if I wished to get rid of you. And I don't. Is
Bdwina making you a cup of tea ?"
" Don't talk so foolishly," said the old lady. " I have
had my tea and my supper, as you are aware, and I feel
so particularly light and happy that I shouldn't object
to another glass of champagne before we go to bed."
" With pleasure," said Harold, greatly bewildered by
the statement that he was aware she had had her tea
and supper, and that she intended to sleep there. It
was rather free and easy of her to say " before we go to
bed," but then she was an old lady, and old ladies are
allowed a little freedom of speech. Edwina must have
invited her; but how singular that she should have
said nothing to him about it!
He poured out the champagne, and the old lady
smiled at him and drank about a quarter of the glass,
and put it down with the remark:
" Perhaps I had better not drink any more; it might
get into my head. I have had one glass already, you
know."
" Have you ?" said Harold. " While I was upstairs,
I suppose. And did Edwina drink one, too ? for she has
had one already, and another glass might get into her
head."
" I will not play this ridiculous game," exclaimed the
old lady energetically; "I don't understand it, and I
don't think I like it. You dear old boy, let us get to
bed! I've a good mind to make you carry me up."
" This," reflected Harold, " is going a little too far, it
really is. She calls me her dear old boy, and she wants
us to get to bed, and she has a good mind to make me
carry her up! She is a sweet-looking old lady, but I
am sure Edwina would object. Edwina is a long time
158
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
away; I would go down to her, for sKa must be in the
kitchen, only it would not be polite to leave the old
lady alone." And then he felt constrained to say,
"May I take the liberty of inquiring who you are?"
"Who am I?" replied the old lady. "Why, I am
Edwina!"
" Merciful powers ! " he cried, as he passed his hand
across his brow. " Edwina ! "
" Upon my word, love," said the old lady, " I shall
get cross if you go on playing this stupid game any
longer. But, heavens ! " A sudden alarm seized her.
" Something has occurred ! " she cried. " I see it all!
Oh, my poor darling, you have lost your memory!
Your mind is a blank. Everything in the past is blotted
out, and you will have to commence all over again. But
I will stand by you, love. You will always be to me
the dearest boy, and I will never, never desert you!
Oh, how sorry I am for you, dear Harold, how sorry,
how sorry!"
" Edwina," said Harold, much moved by her tender-
ness, "I have not lost my memory; I am"—he glanced
at himself in the mirror over the mantelpiece—"my-
self. So far as I can judge, there is no change in my
appearance, and I feel none mentally. I perceive now
that you have Edwina's dress on, and—yes, Edwina's
rings are on your fingers and the bracelet I gave you
is on your wrist, though they are rather loose. 0 Ed-
wina—for I will continue to call you by that dear name
till the crack of doom, whatever you become; no change
in you will alter my feelings for you—O Edwina, it is
to you, not to me, that something has occurred ! "
She saw that he was speaking the truth, and she rose
slowly, trembling in every limb; and as she rose she
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
159
discovered that her frock was both too short and too
loose for her—which proved that in a few moments she
had grown taller and thinner. Edwina, in her own
proper person, was a plnmp little body, somewhat
under the ordinary stature, and she might well lose a
little in roundness and gain an inch in height without
in the least detracting from her loveliness as an old
lady. But the fear that assailed her as she now rose
to her feet was that she had been transformed into
either something hideous or something so ludicrous as
to cause every one who saw her to shriek with laughter.
" Harold," she whispered, clinging to his arm, " you
will not cast me off, will you? You will not run away
from me?"
" Cast you off ! " he cried. " Kun away from you !
How can you think that of me ? I took you for better
or worse, as you took me, and I am going to take care
of you and to be true to you through thick and thin.
There!"
He kissed her, and said to himself, "Not so bad,"
though of course he would have infinitely preferred
Edwina's plump, smooth, velvety cheek. This sign of
affection did not reassure Edwina. " Harold is such a
dear fellow," she thought, " that he will submit to any
sacrifice to comfort me." Very, very slowly, guided by
Harold, she approached the mirror, but it was with
closed eyes, and there she stood for quite a time with
her hands before her face.
" Look at yourself, Edwina," said Harold encourag-
ingly.
His voice was so exceedingly kind that it encouraged
her to take a peep, and gradually she widened the lat-
tice of her fingers, and gazed at her reflection with a
160
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
feeling of intense relief; and as she gazed, a smile so
charming came to her lips that Harold put his arm
around her and pressed her fondly to him.
" You dear boy, you dear boy," she cried, "it might
have been ever so much worse than it is ! What lovely
hair—and what white teeth, considering my age ! Har-
old, dear, when we were each other we had to accept it,
and now I am goodness knows who, we must also ac-
cept it."
" Certainly we will accept it, and will make the best
of it," said Harold.
" There is nothing repulsive in my appearance, and
therefore there is no reason why I should be boxed up,
as we were before. Dear Harold, you will not box me
up, will you ?"
" I don't want to, Edwina, but what are we to say ?
How are we to account for your appearance in the
house ?"
" I came in the middle of the night, love, from Scot-
land, say, and as the servants didn't hear me knock and
ring you ran down to let me in. That would do,
wouldn't it? Servants are not supposed to be made
acquainted with all their master's secrets."
" The story would do, Edwina, though I dare say
they will think it strange. But, Edwina, love, you are
not yourself, and must be somebody. Who shall I say
you are ?"
" Say I'm your grandmother, Harold."
" I should not mind, love," said Harold, " but my
grandmother is dead."
"Do be sensible, you stupid boy! Everybody has
two grandmothers, haven't they? You must say I'm
your other grandmother."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
161
" But, Edwina, which one ?"
Edwina did not appear to hear the question; she
was wrapped in thought.
" I have an idea, Harold," she said presently. " Could
you steal quietly up to the attic without the servants
hearing you ?"
" I could manage it; they sleep like tops."
" That is all the more reason why they didn't hear
me knock and ring when I came from Scotland in the
middle of the night. I shall give Priscilla a good
scolding to-morrow, and shall tell her the next time
it occurs I shall go and pull her out of bed."
" How can you tell her that to-morrow, dear," Harold
reminded her, " when you will not be in the house to-
morrow ?"
"I forgot. You will have to tell her, love."
"What!" cried Harold. "Tell Priscilla that I am
going to pull her out of bed in the middle of the night!
It would be hardly proper, Edwina, and I don't think
you—if you were in the house, you know—would ap-
prove of it."
"No, it would not be proper," said Edwina, rather
severely, and almost as if it were Harold who had sug-
gested it, " and I should not approve of such goings on.
We will not say anything to Priscilla about it."
" What do you want me to go up to the attic for,
Edwina?"
"We have,"replied Edwina, "four grandmothers be-
tween us, and it does not matter which grandmother
I am. All we have to decide is, which one. In the
trunks in the attic there are some portraits of relations
we have never seen; we will look through them and
pick out a grandmother. None of our friends can dig-.
162
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
pute our statement, because they are not acquainted
with our relations. And I must have some clothes to
wear, old-fashioned clothes, and the trunks are full of
them. I can't go about in these; they are a perfect
sack on me, and my boots pinch me dreadfully. Who-
ever I am had feet larger than mine."
"You had better come up with me; you know what
is in the trunks, I don't. Throw on a dressing-gown
and slip your feet in a pair of your oldest shoes; you
will feel easier in them. If the servants should happen
to wake and come out while we're passing their room
I will take care they shall not see you."
Edwina took his advice, and they crept upstairs to
the attic without waking the servants 5 in a little while
they crept down again with armfuls of things. They
first looked through the portraits, and Edwina uttered
a cry of delight as she took up a miniature.
"See, Harold," she said, "isn't this wonderful? It
is Grandma Dinah, and it is exactly like me—my eyes,
my face, my hair. I am Grandma Dinah, that is who
I am. What a pretty old lady! "
It was, indeed, as Edwina said, a wonderful likeness,
and they agreed that she should be Grandma Dinah.
There were many other perplexing points to consider in
this new metamorphosis—which Edwina declared was
stranger than the first—but they postponed the con-
sideration of them till the next day. They carried to
their bedroom all the things they had taken out of the
trunks; they were very tired and felt the need of rest.
" O Harold," said Edwina, as she undressed herself,
" don't you feel wretched at having to go to bed with
your grandmother ?"
"It is a curious experience," he replied, "and I can-
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
163
not quite realize my feelings. I certainly never dreamt
that such a thing could occur to me. Hamlet says
something that applies: ' There are more things in
heaven and earth than are dreamt of in our philosophy.'"
"How true!" murmured Edwina. "What a won-
derfnl man Shakespeare was! If he were living now
he could make a tragedy out of us."
" Not a tragedy, I hope, Edwina," rejoined Harold.
" Say, rather, a comedy, another 'All's Well that Ends
Well.' Let ns pray that this will end well. Good-
night, love."
CHAPTER XIV.
mrs. markleby's ball.
They awoke early, and lay discussing what it was
best for them to do. Edwina had slept soundly, and
was quite bright and fresh. Harold would have to get
up first, she said, and he and Crumbs were to carry
down to the bedroom passage the trunks from the
attic, which Harold was to drag into the room. Then
Edwina would look through them and select such arti-
cles of attire as would best become her.
" What puzzles me," said Harold, "is what I am to
say to account for your absence."
Edwina suggested that he should say she had gone
out to post a letter, which Harold declared would not
be a satisfactory explanation. Before they could think
of a more plausible excuse Priscilla knocked at the
door with the morning tea.
" We daren't let her in," whispered Edwina. " What-
ever would she say if she saw you in bed with an old
lady instead of me ?"
" Put it on the mat, Priscilla," Harold called out.
"Yes, sir," said Priscilla, and went down and told
Mrs. Lavender that " they were at it again." Return-
ing with the hot water, she asked what she was to do
with it.
" Put it on the mat, Priscilla," said Harold.
" Yes, sir," said Priscilla, shaking her head as she re-
164
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
165
tired, but was called back before she reached the next
landing.
" Priscilla," said Harold, " get breakfast ready, and
bring it np as you did once before; and we shall not
want you to wait."
" Yes, sir," said Priscilla. " Will you want any hard-
boiled eggs ?"
" Not this morning, thank you, Priscilla."
" They are at it again," said Priscilla to Mrs. Laven-
der. "We are going to have another day of it."
"Well, never mind," said Mrs. Lavender; "you've
got a good place, and if they want to invent another
indoor game without anybody looking on, why shouldn't
they ?"
"We've never heard what the first game was," ob-
served Priscilla, in the tone of an injured person.
"What do you think of me, Harold?" asked Edwina
when she was dressed.
"You are a picture, love," said Harold, "though I
would prefer my Edwina."
" Of course you would, you dear boy. Isn't my hair
lovely? When I am as old as I am—for I have san-
guine hopes that I shall, some time or other, be your
own little Edwina again—I should like my hair to be
exactly like this. You haven't forgotten, Harold, that
to-night is Mrs. Markleby's ball ?"
" I have been thinking of it all the morning. Mrs.
Markleby will be in despair. What a pity it is that
you can't go ! "
" Oh, but I am going," said Edwina. He stared at
her in astonishment. "Yes," she continued, "I am
going, and you shall take me."
" Impossible! " he cried.
16G
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
"Not at all. Mrs. Markleby will be delighted at
your bringing your grandmother, and I am sure every-
body will be pleased to see me."
"Edwina," said Harold, "reflect. How can I take
my grandmother and leave my wife at home? And
besides, Mrs. Markleby did not send my grandmother
an invitation."
" There isn't the least difficulty, Harold, dear, and
you must not raise any. You have left Edwina at
home because she has a splitting headache, and you
have brought Grandma Dinah in her place, though
there ivas no invitation for her. Leave it to me to
satisfy Mrs. Markleby; I shall tell fibs by the dozen
to-night."
" Are you really determined, Edwina ?" asked Harold.
" I am really determined, love," she replied.
" Then I will say no more. You deserve some com-
pensation for what you are going through. But what
story are we to tell the servants ? They will see me
going out with an old lady, and you ought to be some-
where in the house."
" I shall be locked up in my bedroom with a splitting
headache to-night, and I am not to be disturbed on
any consideration. If they knock at the door I shall
be asleep."
"Let it be so, dear," said Harold resignedly; "after
all, we cannot help what they think."
They got down to their room without being observed,
and had their breakfast, and when Priscilla came to
clear the breakfast things she found them all in the
passage. Harold went out to speak to her.
" Your mistress is not very well," he said, "and we
do not wish to be disturbed. She must be kept very
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
167
quiet. Come up only when we ring for you. And,
Priscilla, here is half-a-crown for you."
" Thank you, sir. I hope mistress will be well enough
to go to the ball to-night, sir."
" I hope so, but she may not be; in which case she
will probably go to bed early. By the way, Priscilla,
how is it you did not hear the knocking at the gate
last night ?"
" The knocking at the gate, sir ! There's only a bell
there."
" I mean the ringing at the gate and the knocking at
the door. I had to go down myself and answer it."
" LoP, sir, I am sorry ! Before we went to bed, sir ?"
" Oh no ; at about three o'clock, I should think, when
you were fast asleep. And Mrs. Lavender and Crumbs
—they didn't hear it either ?"
"They couldn't, sir, or they'd have spoke about it.
We're none of us light sleepers; when we're once off
it'd take cannon-balls to wake us till we've had our
allowance. There was nothing wrong, I hope, sir ?"
" Oh no, only a visitor."
" Mercy, sir! At that hour! "
" Yes, the train was late. You will see her presently.
Our grandmother has come to stop with us a day or two."
"Your two grandmothers, sir?" asked Priscilla, to
whom the word "our" conveyed a plural meaning.
"No, one of our grandmothers, Priscilla. Here's
another half-crown for you. She is a very nice old
lady, and you must be very attentive to her."
" We'll do our best, sir. She'll want some breakfast,
sir."
" She breakfasted with us." Priscilla glanced at the
breakfast things; she had only laid for two. A happy
168
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
thought struck Harold. " She is a peculiar old lady
and does not like to be crossed. She will attend to
your mistress, and you must not contradict her in the
least way. She takes funny ideas in her head some-
times. You understand ?"
" Yes, sir." Which was not true; but the girl could
say nothing else.
" You are very intelligent, Priscilla. Do the bedroom
at once; we shall probably have to carry your mistress
up soon."
"0 sir," said Priscilla, in a tone of concern, "is she
as bad as that ? Shall Crumbs run for the doctor ?"
" She will not see a doctor; she has taken an aver-
sion to doctors. Your mistress is rather obstinate."
"Oh no, sir," Priscilla could not help saying; "beg-
ging your pardon, sir, we never found her so."
" Thank you, Priscilla, for defending her. I should
have said, that in consequence of her not being well
she is a trifle whimsical this morning, and we must
humor her. Take the breakfast things down, and do
the bedroom as quickly as you can."
Priscilla retired in a state of mystification, and of
course all that had transpired was related and discussed
in the kitchen. Mrs. Lavender was much astonished
to hear that a visitor had arrived in the middle of the
night, and she expressed her astonishment. Crumbs
was stolid and took no part in the discussion: his
loyalty to Harold and Edwina was so stanch and
thorough that nothing they said or did was open to
question. What he ardently longed for was that he
might be asked to do something to make his kind young
mistress well.
"You can't say it ain't curious, cook," said Priscilla,
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
169
" that they shouldn't let me into the room to clear the
breakfast things away in a proper manner, and that
they should put all the plates and cups and saucers on
the passage floor again f"
"It is curious," Mrs. Lavender admitted.
" And I should like you to tell me where the old lady
slept last night ?" asked Priscilla. " She didn't sleep in
the spare room that was got ready for their aunt, Mrs.
Plummer. I went in to see, and there was the bed and
everything just as I left it yesterday. The only bed
that'd been slept in was master's and missis's."
"We will not continue the conversation before
Crumbs," said Mrs. Lavender, and the subject was
dropped.
They were agreeably surprised when Edwina made
her appearance in the kitchen and talked to them in
her kind, gentle voice, and shook hands with Priscilla
and Mrs. Lavender, and patted Crumbs on the head.
She made a complete conquest, and they all agreed
that they had never seen a nicer old lady. Edwina
put the seal upon her success in her new character by
saying that she wished to be the best of friends with
them, and by giving them half-a-sovereign each. She
was about to leave the kitchen when Priscilla asked
where she was going to sleep that night, and Edwina,
taken off her guard, answered, " Why, in my own room,
to be sure." Priscilla's look of surprise warned her
of the mistake she had made, and she corrected herself
quickly:
" In the spare room, Priscilla, that Aunt Plummer
was to have had."
"Yes, ma'am, I'll get it ready. Shall I put your
things in it ?"
170
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" No, Priscilla—what a pretty name Priscilla is!—I
will put them in myself." She said this with a guilty
consciousness that she had nothing to put in, and that
she had traveled all the way from Scotland without so
much as a toothbrush.
The day passed without Edwina and Harold en-
countering any difficulties which they were not able to
overcome, but the servants saw nothing of their young
mistress. Grandma Dinah insisted upon attending to
her granddaughter herself, and Priscilla was not ad-
mitted into the bedroom. Beef tea and jelly were
made for the invalid, and Edwina took them up to the
bedroom and secreted them in the wardrobe, and the
house was kept very quiet. Priscilla waited upon them
at dinner, and at eight o'clock they had a cup of tea,
and soon afterward they went up to dress for the ball;
and Priscilla thought it very strange that the old lady
did not go to the spare room to make her toilet.
Harold, to be sure, could use the bathroom or the
dressing-room, and the old lady was a grandmother,
but there was a touch of impropriety about the proceed-
ing which did not meet with Priscilla's entire approval.
At ten o'clock they were ready, and the carriage was
at the door.
If Edwina looked lovely in the morning, she looked
ten times lovelier in the night, and they agreed that
Grandma Dinah was a credit to the family. She spoke
to the female domestics before she left the house, and
told them that they were on no account to disturb her
granddaughter, that she had given her a sleeping-
draught, and that they were not to knock at her door
to ask if she wanted anything.
" I haven't lived to my time of life," she said, with a
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
171
bright smile, " without knowing what is best for young
people. You need not wait up for us," she added 5
"my grandson has a latch-key."
While she was speaking to the females Harold was
having a private conversation with Crumbs.
" I can depend upon you, Crumbs," he said, " to carry
out the instructions I give you. My grandmother is
telling Priscilla and Mrs. Lavender to get to bed directly
we are gone, and I don't want them to know that I
wish you to keep up till we come home."
"They shan't know it, sir," said Crumbs, "and I
won't shut my eyes till you do."
"And I wish you, Crumbs," continued Harold, "to
see that your mistress is not disturbed. No one is to
go to her room and knock. If she rings her bell you
can call the girls, but if she doesn't you are to do noth-
ing. You are to keep guard, and if anybody attempts
to break into the room you must prevent it by force."
" I wish you'd give me something 'arder to do, sir,"
said Crumbs. " No one shan't break into that room,
not if I dies for it."
He saw them into the carriage, and off they whirled
to Mrs. Markleby's house.
It was an early dance, and they heard the music play-
ing as they entered. Mrs. Markleby had been looking
out anxiously for them, and she came forward to re-
ceive them.
"Good-evening, Mr. Sparling," she said. "Why,
wliere's your wife ?"
" He has brought me as a substitute, dear Mrs. Mar-
kleby," said Edwina, interposing, " and I hope you will
not turn me away. I am Edwina's grandmother, Grand-
ma Dinah, and I don't need an introduction to you; I
172
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
recognized you the moment yon came forward by their
description of you-*-your lovely eyes and your beautiful
complexion. Poor Edwina, I am sorry to say, is very,
very unwell, and has been in bed all day. She is so
disappointed that she could not be here, but young
wives, you know"—she whispered something in Mrs.
Markleby's ear.
" Dear me ! " said that lady. " I had no idea of it."
" I wonder what Edwina whispered to Mrs. Markle-
by," thought Harold, " and what it was Mrs. Markleby
had no idea of, and why she gave me such a funny
look! How Edwina is rattling on! "
"Yes, dear Mrs. Markleby," Edwina was saying,
" and we can't be too careful, can we ? We were young
wives ourselves once, though you look almost as young
as Edwina."
Mrs. Markleby smiled graciously, and Harold thought,
"Edwina said she was going to tell any number of
fibs to-night; but how she can tell this one so unblush-
ingly, and how Mrs. Markleby can swallow it down so
readily—well, upon my word! "
"And, dear Mrs. Markleby," continued Edwina,
producing a small parcel in tissue-paper which Harold
had not observed she had brought with her, " Edwina
knows how fond you are of old lace, and she sends you
this with her love." She took from the tissue-paper a
very handsome piece of lace, and put it into Mrs. Mar-
kleby's hand.
" How very, very kind of her! " said Mrs. Markleby,
completely won over. " So thoughtful—so considerate!
No wonder she is such a favorite; she wins everybody's
heart. We shall miss her dreadfully, but we cannot
provide for these things." She smiled knowingly at
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
173
Edwina, and said to Harold, "You must take the
greatest care of her. I will run round and see her
to-morrow."
"No, not to-morrow, dear Mrs. Markleby," cried
Edwina hastily. "Wait a day or two. We will send
you word."
"Very well," said Mrs. Markleby, "and now come
into the ball-room; You will meet an old friend of
yours"—she was speaking to Harold—"she is dying
to see you."
" She!" thought Edwina, with an uneasy feeling.
"And dying to see my dear boy! Who can 1 she' be ?"
As she thought this question, Harold was asking it.
" Lizzie Mixture, of course," replied Mrs. Markleby.
"And she's as handsome as ever."
"Miss Mixture," thought Edwina; "Harold's old
flame. The idea of calling her handsome! It's well
that I came."
"And there's an old friend of Edwina's, too," said
Mrs. Markleby to Grandma Dinah, " Mr. Paradox, who,
notwithstanding what has happened, will never forget
her."
" Oh, won't he 1" thought Harold. " Like his con-
founded impudence! I shall have to give him a bit
of my mind.'"
The moment they entered the ball-room Miss Mix-
ture came sailing up to Harold, and with a bewitching
smile held out her hand.
" So glad you have come," she said. " Is your wife
not here ?"
" No," said Harold, " I have brought my grandmother
instead."
" Pleased to see you," said Miss Mixture, nodding
174
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
condescendingly at Edwina. " There is a waltz strik-
ing up. Come along." She put her hand on Harold's
arm. " I have saved this waltz especially for you—and
three more besides," she whispered. " My card is filled
up, and you will find yourself down as H. For Harold,
you know."
What could Harold do ? He could not say he was
engaged to dance all the waltzes with an old lady, who,
pretty as she was, surely had left her dancing days
behind her. Miss Mixture was an old friend, and it
would be an act of rudeness to refuse. He took the
young lady's arm.
" Seems like old times," Edwina heard Miss Mixture
say as she sank into Harold's arms. " Do you remem-
ber " The succeeding words did not reach Edwina's
ears; the couple were waltzing from her.
Edwina was cross, there was not a doubt of it, and
yet she could not have justified herself by laying the
blame on Harold. He had been seized, impounded as
it were, by a bold creature who was only too glad to
strike up a flirtation with him now that his wife was
not present to guard him from her snares. There they
were waltzing round and round, Miss Mixture's breath
fanning his cheek, her eyes fixed languishingly on his,
and her head almost resting upon his shoulder, where
her own head—Edwina's head, in whatever part of the
world that head was wandering—ought to have been.
Other eyes were watching this particular waltzing cou-
pie with gloom and brooding ideas of vengeance; they
were the eyes of Mr. Reginald Paradox, who, before
Edwina met Harold, had followed her indefatigably
in the hope of winning her. Mr. Paradox was not the
most valorous of men, but he had his feelings, and they
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
175
were being worked np to a pitch at which desperation
takes upon itself the garb of courage and resolution.
His rival was at the ball, carrying everything before
him as usual, and dancing with the most attractive
partner in the room. Mr. Paradox chose to believe
that Miss Mixture was the belle of the ball, and indeed
cannot be blamed for so believing, for she was good-
looking, and his old resentment against Harold may
have caused him to entertain an exaggerated estimate
of her charms. Edwina's heart, as she observed the
gloomy eyes of Mr. Paradox and noted the direction
they were taking, beat with alarm. Those eyes boded
danger to Harold, and he was not aware of it. Was it
not her duty to shield and protect him ? She was not
exactly pleased with the way in which he appeared to
be enjoying himself, for he ought not to have enjoyed
a waltz, or any dance, or in fact anything at all, with
anybody but Edwina. She would not believe that he
was fickle like other men—no, she would not believe it.
It was unreasonable to expect that he was to sit mum-
chance on a bench now that he was at the ball, or stand
like a silly wall-flower leaning all night against a pillar;
he must have a dance or two with somebody, but she
would have preferred that that somebody should be
anybody but Miss Mixture.
" They dance beautifully, do they not ?" a voice said
at her elbow.
She turned, and saw Mrs. Markleby at her side, and
the remark she made applied to Harold and Miss Mix-
ture.
" Pretty well," said Edwina disparagingly.
"We thought," continued Mrs. Markleby, "that it
would have been a match between them, but he saw
176
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
your granddaughter Edwina, and Lizzie's chance was
lost. She took it to heart, I think; but she is happy
now."
" She is happy," thought Edwina, "because I am not
here. But what am I to think of Harold ? He is act-
ually smiling at her ! "
"You look so pretty and young," Mrs. Markleby went
on, "that it is a thousand pities you are too old to
waltz."
"Am I too old to waltz?" asked Edwina.
" Of course you are; and so am I. It would look so!
The young people would think it so odd! To walk
through a quadrille would not so much matter "
" The next dance is a quadrille," said Edwina, who
had glanced at her program. " Introduce me to that
distinguished-looking gentleman, please."
" With the greatest pleasure." She motioned to Mr.
Paradox, who slowly approached them. " Mr. Reginald
Paradox, Mrs.—I beg your pardon ; I did not quite
catch your name when we were speaking together."
"I am Grandma Dinah," said Edwina, who at the
moment did not know herself what her name was;
" that is the name I like best."
" Grandma Dinah," said Mrs. Markleby to Mr. Para-
dox, completing the introduction—"Edwina's grand-
mother."
" Delighted," said Mr. Paradox, with cold politeness.
Both he and Edwina were "paltering," as Harold
called it. His face did not express delight, and when
Edwina had referred to him as "that distinguished-
looking gentleman" she did not mean it in the least,
Mr. Paradox being rather of the mouse tham the lion
breed.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
177
"I am going to. take an old lady's privilege," said
Edwina to him, "and claim you for the next dance—a
quadrille, is it not ?"
Mr. Paradox was engaged to Miss Mixture for this
dance, and he murmured something to that effect.
" Oh, but I am sure she will be pleased to give you
up to me," said Edwina. " It seems as if she would
hardly care for any other partner than the gentleman
she is dancing with now."
" It does seem so," said Mr. Paradox. " I feel highly
honored." And he allowed his arm to be taken by
Edwina.
The waltz was over, and, flushed and triumphant,
Miss Mixture and Harold sauntered toward them. In
the course of the waltz she had asked Harold who the
old lady was, and when he told her it was his grand-
mother had insisted upon being introduced to her. The
introduction was now made. Edwina bowed very
stiffly, and Miss Mixture, who had more than one rea-
son for triumph, bowed graciously and amiably.
"We are engaged for the next, I believe," said Miss
Mixture to Mr. Paradox.
"Not at ffll," said Edwina; "Mr. Paradox is engaged
to me."
" Oh, indeed," said Miss Mixture, with a spasmodic
laugh (it is never pleasant to be unceremoniously
thrown over); " then we may as well keep together "—
this was addressed to Harold, upon whom she smiled
her sweetest smile—" and join the set."
The arrangement appeared to be quite fair, and, the
music striking up, they took their places. It was not
the most jovial set in the room; they walked through
it rather like automatons, only when Edwina took Har-
178
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
old's hand she gave it a vicious squeeze, which he took
to be a mark of affection. When Miss Mixture and
Mr. Paradox had to join hands they scarcely touched
the tips of each other's fingers.
" A delightful dance ! " observed Mr. Paradox, speak-
ing like the chief mourner at a funeral.
" So enjoyable ! " said Edwina. " What is that you
are saying, Miss Mixture ?"
" I was asking Harold—I beg your pardon, Mr. Spar-
ling—to take me in to supper. I feel quite peckish."
" I would like to peck you," thought Edwina, and
aloud to Mr. Paradox, "We will follow them, Mr. Para-
dox."
They marched out of the ball-room, Harold and Miss
Mixture leading the way.
" You were acquainted with my grandchild Edwina,"
said Edwina to her partner, as they pushed along.
"We were very good friends," he replied.
u Something more than friends, was it not ?" Edwina
asked archly.
" I had feelings toward her," said Mr. Paradox in a
gloomy voice, " but she was torn from me." He looked
darkly at Harold. "He stepped betweeif us. He is
always stepping between us."
This was rather enigmatical, and Edwina did not
understand how, after she was married to Harold, he
was always stepping between her and Mr. Paradox, the
fact being that since her marriage she had seen Mr.
Paradox two or three times at the most. But it was
so clear to her that Mr. Paradox was nursing some dark
scheme of vengeance toward Harold, that she thought
it best not to contradict him, and to do.all in her power
to keep them apart. The consequence was that she
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
179
would not let Mr. Paradox go, and the consequence
also was that Harold and Miss Mixture kept very much
together during the evening, and had a good many
dances with each other. At two o'clock in the morning
the party began to break up, and Edwina bade Harold
take her home.
" Such a pleasant evening! " said Edwina to Mrs.
Markleby, shaking hands with her hostess. "Thank
you so much! "
" So glad you enjoyed yourself! " said Mrs. Markleby.
" Give my love to your granddaughter, and let me know
when I may come and see her."
CHAPTER XV.
CRUMBS GIVES HAROLD AND EDWINA SOME DISAGREEABLE
NEWS.
" How you carried on with Miss Mixture, Harold! "
observed Edwina as they were driving home.
" Did I ?" he said innocently. " I danced with her
several times, it is true, but I don't think I carried on
with her. She waltzes splendidly."
" She does everything splendidly, in your opinion,"
said Edwina loftily.
"Don't be foolish, dear. I had to make myself
pleasant company, and I thought you would rather I
danced with her than with a lot of strange girls."
"No, Harold, I would rather you had danced with a
lot of strange girls than so much with Miss Mixture.
I don't think it looked well, considering what you were
once to each other."
"We were never anything to each other, you know
that well enough. Edwina, I did not want to go to the
ball, and I should not have gone if it hadn't been for
you. I assure you I meant nothing, and that my
thoughts never strayed from you." A fond embrace
restored her good temper. " Why, darling, I might as
well find fault with you for paying such attention to
Mr. Paradox, but I was not at all jealous of him."
" I did it for your sake, Harold. He looked at you
in the most dreadful manner, and I should not be at
all surprised if he sent you a challenge."
180
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
181
"I shall accept it if he does/' said Harold. "The
one burning desire of my life is to annihilate Paradox.
That done, I can die happy."
She langhed at this, but grew pensive a moment
afterward.
"I still continue to be somebody else," she said.
" Should you suppose there is any fixed time to be
what we are not, in payment of the gratification of our
wish ?"
"It is so difficult to say," Harold replied. "We are
perfectly helpless in the matter. It is a satisfaction,
Edwina, that one of us remains himself, so that our
little establishment in Rosamund Bower can be carried
on. Even when we were each other we managed it,
didn't we, love ?"
"We did," said Edwina ruefully. " What has hap-
pened now may be a satisfaction to you, but how about
me? The worst of it is, the suspense. If we only
knew how long it would last! Why, I might be talk-
ing in the kitchen to Priscilla as the old lady, and in
the middle of a sentence might become myself, Edwina
again ! What would she say then ? What would cook
say ? What would Crumbs say ?"
" They would say, I am afraid, that we had dealings
with the identical old gentleman I took Mr. Wottisnot
to be. But, Edwina, let us get as much comfort out of
it as possible. We become what we become without
pain; the transition is so devoid of sensation that
we do not know it ourselves. Just think of the tort-
ures we should endure if we felt what was going on
within us."
"It will not bear thinking of, dear," said Edwina,
shuddering. "Thumbscrews or the rack would be
182
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
nothing to it. It is something to he thankful for.
Harold, I had a curious thought while I watched you
and Miss Mixture waltzing. I will try to explain it.
When we were each other we knew who we were. I
was you, you were me. I dare say I ought to say, you
were I, but I have never been able to master the diffi-
culty, and never shall be; and between ourselves, love,
you are as bad as me—no, as bad as I. This time I
think I am right. It is the same with the wases and
the weres. I never know whether I should say if I
was or if I were 5 and 1 though' is another word that
bothers me in a similar way. Prepositions were in-
vented only to confuse."
"Is this your curious thought, Edwina, while I was
waltzing with Miss Mixture ?"
"No, something quite different. As I was saying,
when we were each other we knew not only what we
were, but where we were. Now that I am another per-
son altogether, can you tell me, Harold, where I am ?"
" Why, here, darling, by my side."
" It is not true, Harold; you have not your Edwina
by your side; she is somewhere else, wandering through
the world, doing Heaven knows what strange things.
I may be in great suffering somewhere, without a shoe
to my feet. Oh, how I pity myself! "
" On the other hand, you may be somewhere else,
Edwina, enjoying yourself in a most amazing way.
You may be—horror!—being made love to by a gentle-
man who has fallen a victim to your charms; you may
be eloping with him. I see the picture. A moonlight
night, a cottage window, a ladder of ropes, the gentle-
man below, waiting to catch you if you fall, a carriage
and four horses ready for you round the corner "
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
183
She interrupted him : "You are frivolous, Harold;
you do not see it as I do. I may he committing some
horrible crime, for which, when I become myself again
in Rosamund Bower, I may be arrested and thrown into
prison. What defense could I offer ? I could not say
I didn't do it, because I shouldn't know anything about
it. What would be the end of me, then ? You, and you
alone, would know that I was innocent. Oh, I would
give worlds to see myself at the present moment!"
" Edwina, love," said Harold tenderly, " don't worry
yourself. Take things as they come. Here we are at
Rosamund Bower."
Edwina knew and approved of Harold's plan of keep-
ing Crumbs up, and was not surprised that he presented
himself when they entered the house. The boy's face
was pregnant with important news which he was eager
to impart.
" Has everything gone right, Crumbs ?" asked Harold.
" I don't know, sir," replied Crumbs. " I did wot I
could, but I got into trouble for all that. She ses she'll
'ave me turned away to-morrer."
"Who has the impertinence to say that?" inquired
Edwina.
" Mrs. Plummer, mum."
" Aunt Plummer ! " cried Edwina.
" Aunt Plummer! " echoed Harold.
They gazed at each other in consternation.
"You don't mean to say," said Harold, "that Mrs.
Plummer is in the house ! "
"Yes, she is, sir," said Crumbs, "and she's up in 'er
room now. She come about a hour after you wos gone,
and jest as Priscilla and cook wos going to bed. She
sed she would give yer a surprise."
184
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" She has succeeded," muttered Harold.
" She 'ad us all up before 'er, sir, and arksed where
you wos, and we told 'er, and she sed she 'ad a good
mind to come after yer to the ball. But when she 'eerd
that missis wos at 'ome ill, she sed she'd stop where she
wos. She arksed whether you'd gone alone, sir, and
left poor missis—they ain't my words, sir, they're 'era
—to suffer by 'erself, and we sed you 'adn't gone alone,
but 'ad taken yer grandmother with yer. She screamed
out loud at that, and arksed which grandmother; but
in course, sir, we couldn't tell 'er which."
u Of course not. Go on, Crumbs."
" She arksed us a lot of questions—wot sort o' lady
yer grandmother wos, and when she come; and when
she 'eerd that she come in the middle of the night, at
three o'clock, she give another loud scream. She told
cook to git a 'ot supper ready, and cook went down to
the kitching. Then she sed she'd go up and see missis,
but Priscilla and me sed missis wosn't on no account to
be disturbed. She called Priscilla a saucy 'uzzy, and
sed she sor by my face that I wosn't fit to be trusted,
and she made us show 'er which wos missis's room.
She tried the door, but it wos locked, and she called to
missis a 'underd times, I should think, but missis didn't
answer. We tried to stop 'er calling out, but it wosn't
a bit o' good. Then she sed, ' This is mysteerus,' and
wos going to put 'er back agin the door to force it open
when I stood before 'er, and sed I wouldn't 'ave it, and
that I'd received orders from you, sir, and wosn't going
to let nobody force the door open. She smacked my
'ead, and punched me about, but I wouldn't give way,
and she 'ad to go down to 'er supper, and we 'eerd 'er
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
185
grumbling all the time she wos eating it. She sed the
things wos shamefully cooked, and Mrs. Lavender
bounced into the room, and sed she wosn't 'er missis,
and that she wosn't going to come to 'er for a character.
1 Carry my trunk up,' she sed to me, after the row was
over, and I arksed where to. ' To my room,' she sed.
' I know where it is; it's on the second floor, and it
faces south. My niece told me so in 'er letter. Don't
you dare put me in no other !' Priscilla sed she couldn't
'ave that room to-night, 'cos you, mum, wos going to
sleep in it, and she sed, ' No one sleeps in that there
room but the lady as it belongs to, and that lady's me.'
We tried 'ard to stop 'er, sir, but we couldn't. Up she
went, and I follered with 'er trunk. She come out three
or four times to call missis, but I kep' before the door,
and wouldn't let 'er touch it. Then she sed,' We'll see
about all this to-morrer,' and she called us a low gang,
and went to 'er room agin, and locked 'erself in. Cook
and Priscilla sed it wos no use their waiting up, so they
went to bed, and I kep' outside missis's door. Jest as
the clock struck one she come out agin, and reg'larly
startled me. She 'ad 'er bedgownd on, and a red jacket
over it, and a blue night-cap tied round 'er chin with a
yaller 'andkercher. ' Boy,' she ses,' wot are yer a-doing
of there ?' ' I'm keeping guard,' I ses, 'as master told
me to do.' Then she creeps down to where I wos stand-
ing, and ses, ' I'll give yer a penny if yer let me into
the room.' ' I don't want yer penny, mum,' I ses, ' and
master's strick orders is that no one's to go in—:and no
one shan't while I'm on dooty.' 1 Boy,' she ses, and she
tries to make my flesh creep by speaking very holler,
'do yer know where you'll go to when you die?' 'No,
186
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
mum, I don't/ I ses, 'and no more do you.' Then she
give me another smack of the 'ead, and goes away, and
that's the last of 'er, sir."
"Would it were!" groaned Harold. "You have
done well, Crumbs, and you may go down to bed."
"Can't I do nothink more, sir?" asked Crumbs. "I
don't want no sleep, I don't. I'd like to stop up a week
for yer, sir."
"It would not help me, Crumbs," said Harold"go
and get a good night's rest."
When Crumbs had departed Harold said, " This is
a blow, Edwina."
"A dreadful blow, love," she replied. "Aunt Plum-
mer said she would give us a surprise, and she has.
Harold, I fear she has come to make a long stay.
Whatever are we to do ?"
"It requires reflection," said Harold. "We shall
need all our wits, dear, and so that they may be quite
fresh to-morrow we will go to bed."
"But where am I to sleep, Harold?" asked Edwina,
clinging to him piteously. " There is no bedroom but
ours, and if there were I wouldn't go to bed in it. It
would frighten me to death to sleep alone."
" We must brave everything, Edwina," said Harold.
"You shall sleep in your own room, and we can say in
the morning that we kept up all night attending to
Edwina. We must try to conciliate Aunt Plummer.
We must be smooth and nice with her, and if she will
not be nice and smooth with us we will defy her to do
her worst. Don't look so mournful ; difficult as our
position is, we will put a brave face, on it."
CHAPTER XVI.
aunt plummer speaks her mind.
Early in the morning Harold made a successful
move. He was up and dressed before the servants, and
before Aunt Plummer was heard stirring in her room.
When Priscilla came up with the tea he took it into the
bedroom himself, and when Aunt Plummer came down-
stairs he met her on the first-floor landing.
" Good-morning, Aunt Plummer," he said cheerfully.
" Good-morning, Harold," she responded, in a charnel-
house tone, treating him to a superfine glare. " I've
come, you see, and I trust I'm welcome."
" Should think you were," he declared, with effusive
cordiality, in his desire to be on good terms with her.
"We have been longing for you to come. We only
wanted you, Aunt Plummer, to make us quite happy."
"Judging from my reception last night," she said,
still glaring at him with glassy eyes, " I should have
thought differently."
"Now, that is wrong of you," said Harold, dodging
her attempts to get at the bedroom door, "very wrong.
You came so late. We were not prepared for you."
" Evidently not. As to my being late, I understand
you are in the habit of receiving visitors in the middle
of the night. I did not present myself at three o'clock
in the morning ! "
"No, you did not," said Harold guiltily, and still
187
188
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
dodging before the door, " and it was very considerate
of you. But you were always considerate, Aunt Plum-
mer. Shall we go down to breakfast ?"
" Not till I have seen my niece Edwina," she replied.
" I could not eat with a relish till I have seen the dear
child. Not that I expect to enjoy the meal, for judging
by what was given me for supper last night you have
the worst cook and the worst set of servants in Eng-
land. But I'll put everything in the house right for
you before I leave. Harold, why are you dodging be-
fore the door in that ridiculous manner? Have you
got St. Vitus's dance? Let me by to see Edwina."
" I am afraid you can't see her just yet, Aunt Plum-
mer," said Harold, with spasmodic twitchings of his
face. " She is not awake, and if she is disturbed "
" Disturbed ! " exclaimed Aunt Plummer. "Do I
look like a person who would be likely to disturb any-
body ? If the dear child is sick, who has a greater right
to nurse her than I ? Can you tell me that ?"
"No, I can't," said Harold, conscious that he was
sinking deeper and deeper into the mire " but Edwina
has other relations "
" Ha—ha ! " said Aunt Plummer, and Harold felt as
if a pail of ice-cold water was being poured down his
back. Upon paper, Ha—ha! has a glad and mirthful
appearance, and suggests a jocund heart, but as uttered
by Aunt Plummer it was utterly joyless and mirthless;
it cast a gloom over everything • it was like a ghastly
smile; it bade you abandon hope. To have such a
Ha—ha! as that flung at you, accompanied by the
glassy glare which Aunt Plummer conveyed into her
eyes on such occasions, was an unforgettable experience,
and depressed the spirits so dreadfully that people had
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
189
been known not to recover from its melancholy effects
for days.
"I was saying," stammered Harold, "other rela-
tions "
" Who have a better claim on her ?" demanded Aunt
Plummer.
" Oh no, I did not say that. Now, did I say that,
Annt Plnmmer!"
"No subterfuges, Harold, if you please. What is
my niece suffering from ?"
" Nerves," replied Harold, making a wild dash.
"Nerves! I can understand how poor Edwina's
nerves have been tried by your goings on "
" Oh, come now, Aunt Plummer," expostulated
Harold.
" I repeat, Harold, by your goings on, by your neglect,
by your shameful treatment of her. Oh, you may laugh
and sneer, Harold, but did you not go to a ball last
night, and dance and flirt and drink champagne while
your poor wife was lying groaning at home ?"
" Did you hear her groan, Aunt Plummer ?"
" I did," replied Aunt Plummer.
"You did! " he exclaimed in amazement.
"'Yes, I did, although that limb of a boy of yours,
whose head I'll knock off his shoulders when I see him,
did all he could to prevent my getting near the door
—as you are doing now with such exquisite politeness.
They were stifled groans I heard, and they came from
a broken heart. She buried her head in the pillow and
would not groan out loud because she did not wish to
expose you; she loves you still, the silly, infatuated
fool, but I will open her eyes for her before I leave the
house. Do you intend to let me see the poor lamb ?"
190
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Not in your excited state," said Harold, with some
show of firmness. " It would make Edwina worse; she
is being well looked after, and when she feels strong
enough she will be delighted to see you. Now let us
be jolly and comfortable, Aunt Plummer, and let us go
down to breakfast. Edwina will have hers in bed."
Aunt Plummer straightened herself suddenly, and
said:
" Very well, Harold. My only desire is to make you
all happy."
But although her words were capable of amicable in-
terpretation, she was convinced that there was a dark
mystery in the house, and she inwardly vowed that she
would get at the heart of it by fair means or foul.
Having made up her mind to dissemble, she refrained
from grumbling at the breakfast, but ate prodigiously,
to strengthen herself for the coming battle. Simple
and trustful as Harold was, he divined that whirlpools
were seething beneath Aunt Plummer's calm exterior,
and when the meal was over he said that she must ex-
cuse him for a few minutes, as he must see Edwina and
attend to one or two other matters. She did not ob-
ject to his leaving her, as she was anxious to inspect
the kitchen and make things generally uncomfortable
there, and he went up at once to Edwina, who had
locked herself in.
"Something must be done," he said. "You are still
Grandma Dinah, and to all appearance you are likely
to remain so for some time longer. Aunt Plummer
does not intend to go away, and it is simply impossible
to keep her out of the room."
"I have been thinking of a plan," said Edwina,
" which you ought to be able to carry out, and which
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
191
will keep things tolerably straight till I come back to
myself."
"You feel no symptoms inside of you, I suppose,"
asked Harold anxiously, " to give you hope that you will
come back soon ?"
"None whatever," replied Edwina. "I should be
sure to know what was going on the moment it oc-
curred, because I am plumper than Grandma Dinah,
and the frock I have on would immediately become too
tight for me. My plan is, that I should disappear."
"Up the chimney, Edwina? Nonsense, I could not
go to Aunt Plummer and the servants with such a tale
as that."
" You will not be required to do so. My plan is sim-
ply perfect, only it will require care. You must tell
them that the doctor has ordered me away for fresh
air, and you must carry me out of the house and put
me into a carriage that will take me to the railway
station, where I shall start for the country and get
well."
He stared at her, and said, "Edwina, dear, don't
make things more confusing than they are already. If
I wrap you up and cover your head, so that you shall
not be recognized, and you go away, how shall I account
for the disappearance of Grandma Dinah, who, as a
matter of course, will disappear at the same time that
you do ? And the cruel idea of leaving me here in the
house alone with Aunt Plummer ! Edwina, I did not
think you capable of it."
She laughed and said, "But Grandma Dinah will
remain behind, and will walk by your side while you
are carrying Edwina to the carriage."
He was still more bewildered, and he shook his head
192
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
helplessly as he gazed at her, fearing that the trouble
that had come upon them had affected her senses.
"You will understand everything when I explain,"
she said merrily. " Do you recollect that large doll we
saw when we were buying toys for Mrs. Crumbs' shop ?"
"Yes," said Haroldj "the man wanted us to buy it,
but as it was almost as large as life, and the price was
fifty-five shillings—which he said was dirt cheap—I did
not think it suitable for her."
" Harold, that doll, as you say, is as large as life, and
it is our salvation. You must go and buy it, and bring
it home, and carry it into the house when nobody is
looking. This safely done, you will bring it up here to
our room, and I will dress it in my clothes—Edwina's
clothes "—she sighed—" and it is that doll, wrapped in
a warm shawl, that you will carry tenderly to the car-
riage, with the servants looking on, while Grandma
Dinah walks by your side* I shall return to the house
—you will drive away to the railway station with the
doll."
" What! " cried Harold. " And take a first-class re-
turn ticket for a lump of wood and wax! How am I
to get it into the carriage ? The porters would insist
upon helping me, and all would be discovered, and I
should be detained in the station-master's room till the
arrival of a policeman, who would demand an explana-
tion. No, Edwina, I cannot do it."
"You dear, silly, stupid boy! " said Edwina merrily.
"Of course you will do nothing of the kind. What
does it matter what becomes of the doll after you drive
away from here with it? You can give it to a cross-
ing-sweeper."
" Edwina, I should not have the courage to offer a
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
193
crossing-sweeper such a gratuity; and besides, I should
have a whole crowd of boys and girls running after me
and asking me for more dolls the size of life."
"You could give it to Mrs. Crumbs," said Edwina.
"Ah, that is better," said Harold. "But have you
taken into account that Aunt Plummer will be in the
house and will certainly insist upon looking at Edwina
as I carry her to the carriage ?"
" Aunt Plummer will not be in the house."
" How are you going to manage that ?"
" I have arranged it all in my mind. Can you trust
Crumbs to go to Hampstead and send a telegram from
the post-office there to Rosamund Bower, without say-
ing a word to anybody about it ?"
" I would trust Crumbs with my head, if it was loose,
which it is very likely to be before we have done
with Mr. Wottisnot. Crumbs, dear Edwina, is devoted
to us."
" Yery well, dear; then Edwina shall disappear, and
Grandma Dinah shall remain to help you fight your
battles with Aunt Plummer."
A few minutes after this conversation, Crumbs, hav-
ing received very particular and confidential instruc-
tions, left Rosamund Bower and took a cab to Hamp-
stead Heath, and as he seated himself in the vehicle,
with a sense of importance very natural in a boy of his
years and station in life at having a whole cab to him-
self, Grandma Dinah entered the room in which Aunt
Plummer was insisting upon her right to go without
any further delay and see her niece Edwina. Harold
was doing his best to keep her in a good humor, and
was conspicuously failing in the attempt.
" Really, you must not press me, Aunt Plummer," he
194
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
said. " I will let you know when Edwina is ready to
see you."
" The entire affair is so peculiar and mysterious,"
Aunt Plummer was saying, when Edwina came into
the room, as had previously been agreed upon between
her and Harold. Interrupted in the middle of her
sentence, Aunt Plummer turned her glassy eyes upon
Edwina, and said to Harold, " Who is this old woman,
Harold ?"
" Old woman, Aunt Plummer!" said Harold reproach-
fully. " Why, she is my grandmother! "
" She is your fiddlestick," said Aunt Plummer.
"No, Aunt Plummer, I never had such a relation;
she's my grandmother."
"Grandmother who?" sternly inquired Aunt Plum-
mer.
" Grandma Dinah," replied Harold.
"You never had a Grandma Dinah," observed Aunt
Plummer.
"Harold is getting confused," interposed Edwina,
" and 110 wonder—you speak so—so "
"So what, pray?" asked Aunt Plummer, folding
her arms.
" So abruptly," said Edwina gently. She was as de-
sirous to conciliate their dreadful relation as Harold was.
"And pray wdiy should Harold get confused?" de-
manded Aunt Plummer.
" Because he made a mistake in our grandmothers,"
said Edwina
" In your grandmothers ! Ha—ha! We shall be
getting back into the middle ages presently. And if
you are not his grandmother, pray whose grandmother
are you ?"
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
195
" Why, my own, of course," said Edwina. " Do you
see ?"
" Do I see ? Ha—ha ! You are your own grand-
mother, now, are you ?"
" I mean, Edwina's grandmother," explained Edwina,
beginning to feel that she was getting mixed.
"Which of Edwina's grandmothers, pray?" asked
Aunt Plummer.
" Grandma Dinah, of course," replied Edwina, with
an engaging smile.
" Oh, Grandma Dinah ! Ha—ha! " And Edwina
and Harold shivered at the mirthless laugh. " Perhaps
you will tell me that you remember your granddaughter
Edwina, and were very fond of her."
" I worshiped the darling," said Edwina. " Such a
sweet child! I used to spoil me dreadfully—I mean,
I used to spoil her dreadfully. I would sit 011 her
knee "
" You used to sit on her knee ! "
" On my knee," said Edwina. " How dull you are ! "
" I dare say I am. Grandma Dinah used to sit on
her own knee—is that what you mean ?"
"No, no," said Edwina energetically. "What I was
going to say, only you interrupt me so, was that I used
to nurse my grandchild Edwina, and quite spoil her by
stuffing her with chocolate creams." Edwina looked
triumphantly at Harold, hoping to obtain his approval
of the way in which she had extricated herself from the
difficulty; but he was too agonized to render it. He
saw a fell purpose in Aunt Plummer's glassy eyes, and
he was waiting for the bang.
"You were very fond of chocolate creams yourself,"
observed Aunt Plummer, " when you were a child ?"
196
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
"I adored them; I spent all my pocket-money on
them."
" Cadbury's chocolate creams, I suppose," said Aunt
Plummer, with a most awful glare.
" Yes, Cadbury's. They are the best, you know."
" That would be," said Aunt Plummer, " about sixty
years ago."
" About that," said Edwina indifferently.
" You are telling me," said Aunt Plummer, in a loud,
emphatic tone, " a tissue of the most outrageous false-
hoods."
" Outrageous falsehoods, Aunt Plummer! " exclaimed
Edwina, rather confounded by this outburst.
" How dare you call me Aunt Plummer ?" cried Aunt
Plummer. " I fail to see how any woman can be her
own grandmother's aunt. Do you infer that I was born
about the year 1602 ? For that is somewhere near the
period we've got to now."
"I meant Harold's Aunt Plummer," explained Ed-
wina. " I did sit with Edwina on my knee day after
day, for weeks and weeks together, feeding her with
Cadbury's chocolate creams. Oughtn't I to know ? "
To this question Aunt Plummer disdained to reply,
but asked another instead: " Shall I inform you why
your trumped-up tale is a tissue of outrageous false-
hoods ?"
" Yes, do, please."
" Because, in the first place, Cadbury—if there is such
a person—was not born and his chocolate creams were
not invented when Grandma Dinah was an infant."
"Perhaps they were caramels," said Edwina. "I
used to get them all mixed up."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
197
" Caramels were not invented. Ha—ha! "
"Oh, bnt look here," said Harold, feeling that he
ought to come to the rescue, " how do you know that ?
You weren't there, you know."
"No,Harold,I was not. But do you suppose I have
not read the history of England ? I know it by heart."
"The whole of it?" exclaimed Harold. "From the
time of the Saxon kings? Repeat it to us, do, Aunt
Plummer; it will make the time pass so pleasantly."
" If you hope to throw me off the scent by your ab-
surd suggestions you will find yourself mistaken." She
turned to Edwina. " I have given you one reason why
it is impossible you could have fed your grandchild
with chocolate creams. I will give you another."
"Yes, do, please," said Edwina faintly.
" It is impossible," said Aunt Plummer, with slow
and therefore more effective maliciousness, "because
Grandma Dinah died twenty years before Edwina was
born."
" Heavens ! " groaned Harold.
" Perhaps," continued Aunt Plummer, " you will now
inform me how it is possible for a ghost to sit with
her grandchild on her knee, feeding her with chocolate
creams, or caramels ?"
The shot was fatal, and Edwina collapsed. She fell
into Harold's arms in such distress that he pressed her
closely to him and smothered her with kisses.
" Before my very eyes ! " cried Aunt Plummer. " Ha
—ha! There is some dark mystery here. I see it all!
This is not an old woman at all—she is a young woman
in disguise!"
" Yes, I am," sobbed Edwina.
198
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" She confesses it! The brazen huzzy—she confesses
it! Perhaps you will have the effrontery to say he
loves you."
"He does," sobbed Edwina. "If I thought he did
not I should die of grief. You do love me, Harold, my
darling, you do, don't you ?"
But with the fear of Aunt Plummer strong upon
him, and not knowing to what extreme she would go
if he confessed it, Harold pushed Edwina away from
him, and said gloomily:
"No, I do not love you! "
At this dreadful avowal Edwina burst into a passion
of tears, which so alarmed Harold that he took her in
his arms again, and sinking into a chair, pulled Edwina
on his knees, and kept her there.
"I begin to see through this horrible affair," said
Aunt Plummer. " I come here—I find my niece Ed-
wina imprisoned in her room, perhaps strapped down
to her bed, and her place is occupied—or shall we say
usurped ?—by a young woman disguised as an old one,
in order to throw dust into the eyes of the servants.
What conclusion do I arrive at ? That you two wretches
have some dark design against my poor, dear lamb—
that you are plotting to destroy her. I always knew
what would happen if she married Harold Sparling. I
warned her; I told her that Mr. Paradox was a more
suitable match—but she would not listen to me. The
serpent had encompassed her in his folds, and she
could not release herself."
At these hard words Harold rose, and attempted to
be dignified, though he was conscious that he was limp
and weak at the knees.
"We have heard quite enough," he said, "for the
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
199
present. I hope you will be sorry for what you have
said. You will excuse us if we leave you. We don't
want to behave rudely to you, but before you admin-
ister another dose you must really give us time to re-
cover from the first."
"A moment, Harold," said Aunt Plummer, rather
staggered by his independent attitude. "Am I or am
I not to see my niece ? "
" When she expresses a desire to see you, Aunt Plum-
mer," replied Harold, " we shall be pleased for you to
go to her room. Not till then."
" I must consider what I ought to do under such sin-
gular circumstances," she said, " what it is my duty to
do. Meanwhile I shall make myself quite at home."
" Do. But I would warn you to be careful how you
speak to cook. I have known her, when her temper
was up, hit a man over the head with the rolling-pin.
Come along, grandma."
And he and Edwina left Aunt Plummer to her cogi-
tations, and went up to their bedroom, and peeped
through the blinds for the telegraph boy to come with
a telegram for her. This energetic lady found it very
difficult to make up her mind as to the course she
should pursue. She thought of going to a lawyer, she
thought of speaking to a policeman, she thought of a
dozen things, and every minute that sped by intensified
her curiosity and eagerness to get at the mystery. She
was still cogitating when Edwina and Harold saw the
telegraph boy come through the gate. Leaving Edwina
in the bedroom, Harold went downstairs.
The telegram, which had been sent by Crumbs from
a telegraph office on Hampstead Heath, addressed to
Mrs. Plummer, read as follows:
200
something occurred.
" Mrs. Plummer : If you are a friend of a certain
lady, and would like to know what is going on in Rosa-
mund Bower, come to Hampstead Heath at once.
Belay is dangerous. I shall be either at The Span-
iards or Jack Straw's Castle. You will recognize me by
the way I am dressed—a white flannel suit, with a green
necktie, and a black hat with a red band round it. I
have made it conspicuous so that you shall not miss me.
If you do not lose a minute you may be in time to
save her. Do not say anything to H. S. about this tele-
gram, or mention my name, which is
" Perkins."
Harold presented himself as Aunt Plummer read
this alarming telegram.
" I am going out," she said to him, scarcely able to
control her agitation, " for an hour or two. A sudden
message. Important business. I have ordered your
impertinent cook to get me sweetbreads for dinner.
Soup before; roast fowl and an omelette afterward. I
trust you don't object."
"Not at all, Aunt Plummer," said Harold. "We
want you to be quite comfortable while you are
with us."
Five minutes afterward Aunt Plummer was out of
the house, on her way to Hampstead Heath.
CHAPTER XVII.
AN EXCITING DAY.
. " Now, Harold," said Edwina, u take the quickest cab
you can find, and bring back the doll. Aunt Plummer,
with the dance Crumbs will lead her, will be absent at
least four hours. It is now half-past eleven; you can
be back by two. I will send Priscilla and Mrs. Laven-
der on errands at a minute before two that will keep
them out half an hour ; that will give us time to get
the doll into the house. At about a quarter past three
you shall take it away to the railway station ; and when
Aunt Plummer returns Edwina shall be off to the
country, and Grandma Dinah, alive or dead, will be
here by your side to continue the battle."
Harold departed immediately, and Edwina managed
very cleverly. At five minutes to two she sent Priscilla
to Bond Street for some medicine of a particular kind
which she hoped would do the girl's mistress good, and
two or three minutes afterward she asked Mrs. Laven-
der, as a favor, to go to Tottenham Court Road for
some medicine of another particular kind which she
said had been ordered for her sick mistress. When
Harold came back with the doll Edwina was alone in
the house, and there was no difficulty in conveying the
effigy to the bedroom.
It was really a very large doll, almost as tall as
Edwina, and in the midst of their perplexity and trouble
201
202
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
they had many a hearty laugh as they attired it in
Edwina's clothes, and sat it up in a chair with a shawl
round it, in readiness for the eventful journey. They
drew the blinds and curtains of the bedroom, so that
the room was almost dark.
" It looks like me, does it not, Harold ?" asked Edwina.
" It might almost be my double."
" Upon my word," he replied, " if I did not know, and
came into the room, I should believe it was my Edwina
sitting in the chair."
" None of your tricks, please," said Edwina, shaking
her finger merrily at the doll. "Mind you behave.
Don't come to life when we're gone, and put the whole
house in confusion."
They went downstairs, leaving the bedroom door un-
locked.
Meanwhile Aunt Plummer was driven to Hampstead
Heath. She had never been there before, and had no
distinct idea what her mysterious correspondent Perkins
meant by The Spaniards or Jack Straw's Castle. The
former she conceived might be a couple or more of for-
eigners in velvet jackets with slashed sleeves, slouched
hats, and long mustaches; the latter an ancient edifice
of some kind, with turrets and battlements, which it
would not be difficult to find. She rode in a four-
wheeler, being distrustful of hansoms, and when the
driver arrived at Hampstead Heath she had a fierce
quarrel with him about the fare. Her destination lay
outside the four-mile radius, and the driver demanded
what she declared to be an exorbitant fare, which she
vowed she would not pay. The dispute between them
caused a crowd of idle people to gather, and every one
took the side of the driver, and chaffed Aunt Plummer
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
203
unmercifully. This excited her still more, and the
driver informed her that if she did not stump up at
once he would bundle her into his cab and drive her to
the nearest police-station. At length she paid the man,
taking his number first, and saying she would report
him.
"Report away," he said. "You oughtn't to ride
in cabs, you oughtn't. What's yer bloomin' name?
Prodgers ?"
"Ruffian ! " cried Aunt Plummer. "How dare you
thus address me ?"
"Look'ere, old "gal," jeered the cabman, "the next
time yer come out for an excursion jest you take two-
pen'orth of all-sorts in a tram. Call yerself a lady!
Yah!"
The crowd roared at her, and every man, woman, and
child in it was so obviously antagonistic to her that she
did not venture to make any inquiries of them, but
wandered away in search of ancient ruins and musta-
chioed foreigners. At length she found herself before
an inn, over which she saw the legend, " The Spaniards,"
and she understood that this was a rendezvous. As she
looked about for a person answering to the description
of the man Perkins who had sent her the telegram a
nice-looking boy approached her. He was a small, thin
boy, about nine years of age, and he wore a pinafore;
his features were sharp-pointed, his eyes were weak and
watery, his face was white with London smoke (it has
this effect, curiously enough), his manners were languid.
" Beg yer pardon, marm," said the nice-looking boy,
" wos yer lookin' for some one ?"
" I was, boy, and am," replied Aunt Plummer. " Why
do you ask me ?"
204
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" 'Cos I wos told to, marm. Will yer mind tellin' me
wot sort of a cove yer lookin' for ?"
" If it is a ' cove' I am looking for," said Aunt'Plnm-
mer, " lie is a man in a white flannel suit "
"Eight yer are, marm," said the nice-looking boy.
"Anythink more, marm ?"
"—with a green necktie," continued Aunt Plummer,
" and a black hat with a red band round it. And a
more ridiculous costume it would be hard to imagine."
"That's the identicle cove, marm. I can take yer
to 'im."
" Then, boy," said Aunt Plummer, " take me to him
immediately."
"Wot are yer goin' to stand for it, marm?" asked
the nice-looking boy.
" Do I understand you are asking for a bribe ?" asked
Aunt Plummer.
"Wot are yer goin' to stand for it, marm?" again
asked the nice-looking boy.
Aunt Plummer repeated her question, and the nice-
looking boy repeated his. Aunt Plummer, being in a
manner of speaking at his mercy, was compelled to be
the first to yield.
" I will give you," she said, " a ha'penny."
" Not 'arf enough, marm," said the nice-looking boy.
"You bad boy!" cried Aunt Plummer. "You are
imposing upon me. The person who sent you to me
has paid you for what you are doing, and you want to
extort money from me."
" Wot! Perkins ! " said the nice-looking boy. " He
ain't give me nothink. Ses Perkins, 1 The lady'll pay
yer,' he ses."
The nice-looking boy's mention of the name was proof
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
205
that he was a bona fide messenger, and Aunt Plummer
reflected that, without his aid, she might be unable to
And Perkins, who seemed to be in hiding somewhere,
in which case she would remain in ignorance of the
dreadful doings in Rosamund Bower.
" I'll talk to Perkins when I see him," she said.
"I would, marm," said the nice-looking boy, "if I
wos you. He is a nice gent to talk to, he is."
" If you won't take a ha'penny, you abominable boy,"
said Aunt Plummer, " I must give you a penny."
"Not 'arf enough, marm," said the nice-looking boy.
Driven to desperation, Aunt Plummer said, " I will
give you twopence."
"Jest 'arf enough, marm," said the nice-looking
boy.
"Do you ever read the Bible, boy?" asked Aunt
Plummer, in her best Sunday-school voice.
" Never reads nothink, marm," said the nice-looking
boy.
Aunt Plummer slowly and reluctantly took out her
purse and extracted therefrom three pennies, one half-
penny, and two farthings.
" Here, boy," she said. " Conduct me at once to Per-
kins, and when you go to bed to-night pray to be for-
given."
The nice-looking boy spat upon each coin, then spun
it in the air, then dropped it into his pocket, then said,
" Foller me, marm."
They walked away in single file. And Crumbs from
a distance watched them.
The nice-looking boy, followed by Aunt Plummer,
walked over the Heath, choosing all the hilly places,
and irresistibly attracted by ponds. Up and down they
206.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
trudged, and round the ponds, for twenty minutes.
Sometimes the nice-looking boy walked quickly, some-
times he walked slowly, and whether he walked slowly
or quickly, his movements were distinguished by an
air of extreme mystery. Once he ran swiftly down
one hillock and up another, and Aunt Plummer's petti-
coats, in her frantic efforts to keep up with him, caught
in a prickly bush, and she had to call the nice-looking
boy to assist her. And Crumbs from a distance watched
them.
"Are we near, boy?" asked Aunt Plummer.
"We're gitting nearer, marm," said the nice-looking
boy.
They continued their journey for another ten min-
utes.
"Are we near, boy?" again demanded Aunt Plum-
mer.
"We're gitting nearer, marm," said the nice-looking
boy.
He paused at last, in a deep valley.
"'Ere we are, marm," said the nice-looking boy;
" this is the place I wos to bring yer to. Whistle three
times, and Perkins will come and tell yer all about it."
And before Aunt Plummer could seize him by the
collar to detain him, he had vanished. Where and
how he vanished she could not say. It was as if the
earth had swallowed him up.
" Whistle three times ! " exclaimed Aunt Plummer.
" I can't whistle one time. But I suppose I must try,
or I shall not see Perkins. All this mystery points to
something too dreadful for words."
She put her lips together, and screwed up her mouth,
but only the faintest wheezes issued from it. She tried
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
207
again and again, with no better success. Her breath
grew short, her eyes almost started out of her head.
And Crumbs from a distance watched her.
Then Aunt Plummer raised her voice, and cried three
times, "Perkins! Perkins! Perkins! I can't whistle.
Appear!"
She shivered as she involuntarily uttered the last
word. She felt like a witch 011 a blasted heath sum-
moning by unholy means a familiar spirit. But no
Perkins appeared, and though she wandered discon-
solately about and peered in every direction her eyes
did not light upon the figure of a man dressed in a
white flannel suit, a green necktie, and a hat with a red
band round it. And while she wandered and peered
and murmured the name of Perkins in a voice that
grew weaker and weaker, Crumbs from a distance
watched her.
She saw him ! There was a grin on his face, and the
horrible truth flashed upon her. She had been decoyed
hither, she hacL been conjured out of Rosamund Bower
by a false telegram, so that Harold and his vile female
associate could work their wicked will upon Edwina
while she was away. Perkins did not exist. There
was no Perkins, there was no white flannel suit, there
was no green necktie, there was no black hat with a
red band round it. She had been duped. She looked
again for Crumbs. He had disappeared. She set her
lips tight, gathered up her torn skirts, and mounted
the hill. Back to Rosamund Bower would she speed at
once, to confound the conspirators. Not being a bird,
she could not exactly fly, but she could hail a cab with
a smart horse in the shafts, she could offer the driver
an increased fare if he would promise not to crawl. All
208
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
this she did, and presently she was speeding toward
Rosamund Bower.
Long before the cab started, Crumbs and the nice-
looking boy foregathered.
"Did I do it all right?" asked the nice-looking boy.
" Yer a brick," said Crumbs, " and 'ere's yer tanner."
He gave the nice-looking boy the silver piece, and
the nice-looking boy spat upon it, spun it in the air,
and dropped it into his pocket.
"'Ot work it was," he said, drawing his sleeve over a
perspiring forehead. " Stand a pint ?"
" Wot! " cried Crumbs. " Do yer drink beer ?"
"Do I drink beer ?" cried the nice-looking boy. "Don't
I drink beer ! Jest you give me 'arf a chance ! "
Crumbs felt hot, too. He had never drunk a pint of
beer out of a pewter pot. Why should he not do it
now ? He had executed his master's commission faith-
fully, and he deserved a taste of Paradise. Why should
he not, for about a minute and a half, wander through
fields elysian with a foaming pewter pot at his lips ?
It was not in mortal buttons to resist the temptation.
He took the nice-looking boy by the elbow, and they
strolled into Jack Straw's Castle, where he called for
two pints of fourpenny. The nice-looking boy winked
at Crumbs, and Crumbs winked at the nice-looking boy.
They raised the pots to their lips, and the nice-looking
boy did not lower his pewter till it wras drained to the
last drop. It was a wonderful feat. Crumbs, though
he tried hard, could not accomplish it, but he managed
to dispose of his pint "in two swallows," as he after-
ward expressed it. Then he clapped the nice-looking
boy on the shoulder, and they parted—never to meet
again!
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
209
While Aunt Plummer was rolling back to Rosamund
Bower, with dark thoughts in her mind which boded ill
for her relations, things had gone on satisfactorily with
Edwina and Harold. The servants had returned with
the bottles of medicine, and the doll was ready for its
carriage drive with Harold. Priscilla was sent for the
carriage, and she and Mrs. Lavender were informed
that the doctor had ordered Edwina to be taken to the
seaside at once.
"We shall have to carry your poor mistress into the
carriage," said Edwina, " and she must be wrapped up
carefully, so that the least breath of air shall not get to
her."
This was not quite clear to the servants, for if the
least breath of air was dangerous to their mistress, why
was she being taken to the seaside, where she would
get nothing but fresh air ? However, they made no
comment on it.
" Is poor mistress too weak to walk, sir f" inquired
Priscilla sympathetically.
" I am sorry to say," replied Harold, u that she is quite
unable to walk; she can't put one foot before the other."
And he thought to himself, " This, at all events, is not
a fib. It would rather astonish the lot of us to see the
doll toddle down to the garden path and step into the
carriage."
Priscilla went for the carriage, and the livery master
said it should be at the gates of Rosamund Bower in a
quarter of an hour. Edwina and Harold spent the in-
tervening minutes in talking about Aunt Plummer and
the dance that Crumbs had been instructed to lead her.
" If she discovers it," said Edwina, " she will never
forgive him."
210
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" She will never forgive us," said Harold, " for she is
certain to know that we are at the bottom of it. Crumbs
could not have done such a thing without orders. But
it does not matter whether she forgives or not. It is a
good thing that we have all the servants on our side;
they would only be too delighted to bring her to con-
fusion."
" The carriage is at the gate, sir," said Priscilla, open-
ing the door.
"Thank you, Priscilla," said Harold, "we shall be
out presently."
He bustled about the room, and said to Edwina that
they had better go up at once and bring her effigy
down.
" Don't hurry, Harold," said Edwina. " Now that I
am about to be banished from the home in which I
have been so happy, I feel rather sad."
" Nonsense, my love," said Harold. " It is not you
who are being banished. Don't be sentimental over a
doll."
" I was always sentimental over dolls, Harold, and I
cannot help feeling tender toward this one, now that it
is taking my place." She sat down, and rested her
head on her hand pensively.
"Edwina, Aunt Plummer will soon be back. We
must not lose time if we wish to carry out our plan
with success."
" A minute or two more or less, Harold, will make
no difference. I feel just now as if I cannot be hur-
ried. If you love me, don't be so restless."
"Edwina is in a strange mood," he said inwardly,
but he humored her and sat down by her side. Fully
ten minutes were passed in silence, and then Harold
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
211
spoke to her rather firmly, and said they really must
be going.
" If yon will hurry so," said Edwina, " yon must go
up by yourself and bring down the doll. I am an old
woman, you know; your legs are younger than mine."
He kissed her and went upstairs; the bedroom door
was unlocked, and he turned the handle to enter. As
he did so, he heard a scream from Edwina in the room
below. He bounded down instantly, leaving the bed-
room door ajar.
" Why did you scream, Edwina ?" he asked anxiously.
" Lock the door on us, lock the door on us!" she
screamed. "My clothes are too tight for me; I feel
as if I was going to burst every button I have on! O
Harold, I dare not look in the glass, for fear of a dis-
appointment. Tell me what has happened to me ! "
There was rapture in his eyes as he gazed at her.
" What has happened to you, my own sweet darling,"
he cried, "is, that you have come back—that you are
my Edwina again—that I am holding you in my arms !
There go the buttons; there are half a dozen on the
floor already."
"Never mind the buttons, you darling boy," cried
Edwina. " Squeeze me tight, and don't let me go ! "
He did squeeze her tight, tighter than he had ever
done before, and she never murmured, never so much
as uttered one cry for help.
What mattered the carriage, what mattered the doll,
what mattered Aunt Plummer, what mattered any-
thing ? Edwina had come back! Let the rain come
down in torrents and overflow the pipes; let the wind
blow the slates off the roof; let the kitchen boiler leak;
let the milkman forget to leave the milk; let the boy
212
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
be late with the morning papers; let the steak be burnt
to a cinder; let the cat have kittens every day of the
week—what mattered, what mattered? Edwina had
come back!
How to express their joy ? Can it be said of a mere
personal affection that it was immense, fathomless,
transcendent, stupendous, abysmal? Never mind epi-
thetical confusion, but say in a single breath that it
was all these and more, and you shall fall short of the
reality. They were deaf and dumb and insensible to
everything around them, and the minutes flew by as
they lay in each other's arms, the gratefullest, happiest
beings that drew sweet breath on this glad day.
" I thought you might have forgotten, sir," said Pris-
cilia from without, tapping at the door, " that the car-
riage was waiting."
"We don't want the carriage, Priscilla," cried Ed-
wina, awaking from the happy dream. "Send it
away."
"That's missis's voice," thought Priscilla, after she
said, "Yes, ma'am," and was walking to the gate, " and
it was hearty and loud. She's got well all of a sudden,
I suppose; but I can't make it out at all. A minute
ago she couldn't put one foot before the other. They
seem to be playing games all the time."
Priscilla's eyes were fixed thoughtfully on the ground,
and she did not observe a figure approaching her till
she felt herself thrust rudely aside; looking up, she saw
Aunt Plummer striding to the house.
" She's in a fine temper! " said Priscilla, and she gave
orders to the coachman to drive back to the livery yard
with his carriage, as master did not want it, after all.
Into the house strode Aunt Plummer, and tried the
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
213
door in which Harold and Edwina were closeted, and
found it locked.
"Is anybody in?" inquired Aunt Plummer. "I de-
mand an answer! "
"It's Aunt Plummer," whispered Edwina. "She's
come back, too. Don't speak."
They did not. Aunt Plummer repeated her question
three times, then said, " Ha—ha! " and went upstairs
to her room to take off her bonnet. But she did not
reach her destination. On the first-floor landing she
paused at the partially open door of Edwina's bedroom;
she pushed it open, entered swiftly, and turned the key
in the lock.
" At last! " she muttered, as she stood in the dark-
ened room.
Edwina and Harold, opening their door quietly,
heard the key turned in the room above.
"She's gone into our bedroom," said Edwina in a
low voice, "and we can't get into it. She has locked
herself in with the doll. I must put some of my own
clothes on immediately, Harold; I don't think there's
a button left in these I have on. The small wardrobe
is in Aunt Plummer's room, and there I shall find
everything I want."
They slipped up stealthily, and Edwina was soon
changing Grandma Dinah's garments for others in
which she felt more at ease.
CHAPTER XVIII.
aunt plummer and the doll.
Aunt Plummer heard their stealthy steps on the
stairs, and she put her back against the door, resolved
that no one should enter till she had had a chat with
her niece, who was lying in a chair by the dressing-
table.
" That is Harold's step," she thought, " though he is
trying to tread softly ; and that is that woman's step—
the cat who calls herself Grandma Dinah. The smooth-
faced huzzy ! I'll Grandma Dinah her before I've done
with her! There is a carriage at the gate, and they
intended to smuggle poor Edwina out of the house
before I came back; but I have circumvented them.
Ha—ha! They are going upstairs to look over my
things. Let them. Much good may it do them! I
have circumvented them—I have shown them that they
cannot play with me with impunity. They would have
to get up very early iu the morning to get the best of
me—very early, very early! I will expose them—I will
bring them to justice—I will save my poor niece Ed-
wina! Yes, my poor lamb, you ought to be thankful
that Aunt Plummer is in the house to protect you."
She waited a little while longer, and then she moved
from the door and fixed a chair under the handle so
tbat it should not be burst open.
Having thus safeguarded herself she stepped toward
the chair in which the doll was lying.
214
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
215
" Edwina!" she called. The doll did not speak.
" Edwina! " she called again; but the doll took not the
slightest notice of her.
Aunt Plummer went up to it, and laid her hand on
its shoulder.
" Come, Edwina, rouse yourself, speak to me," she
said. " It's Aunt Plummer who's with you. I've locked
those wretches out. They shall not take you away; I
will not allow them to; I'll raise the neighborhood first,
and have them locked up. I am here to save you, my
poor lamb." And still the doll was silent. " I know
how you've been treated, Edwina," continued Aunt
Plummer. "I know the sufferings you have gone
through. I will not reproach you with saying it serves
you right for marrying Harold Sparling instead of
Reginald Paradox, but it does, and if I wasn't your
aunt I should take a pleasure in seeing you served so.
You're sorry for it now, are you not? You have found
out that Aunt Plummer was right—that Aunt Plummer
is always right. Just say, 'Yes, Aunt Plummer, you
were right.' It will relieve your feelings."
She paused and waited for the answer that did not
come. If it had not been that she did not wish to lay
herself open to the offensive curiosity of " the prying
servants," who might have a ladder outside which they
would mount to peep into the room, she would have
drawn the curtains from the window and let in the
light; it was to effectually frustrate all attempts to
"pry" that she thought it best to keep the room in
semi-darkness. As she had not yet succeeded in mak-
ing the doll speak, Aunt Plummer decided that it would
do her niece good to take a dose of medicine. If there
was one thing in the world that Aunt Plummer more
216
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
delighted in than another it was to administer physic
to people who not only did not want to take it, but
who could not take it without paroxysms and shudders.
Edwina, she knew, detested physic, and the physic
she detested most was castor-oil. Consequently Aunt
Plummer looked about for castor-oil.
Hanging on the wall was a little medicine cupboard,
which Aunt Plummer recognized as the wedding pres-
ent she had given to Edwina and Harold. She had
furnished this cupboard with six bottles of castor-oil,
and had said, as she handed them the gift, "Edwina
and Harold, when you take this, remember Aunt Plum-
mer." It was because the little cupboard was her own
gift that she knew what it was in the dim light of the
room.
" Of course," she mused, as she opened it, " the six
bottles are all used up by this time, but it may be that
Harold has not been unfeeling enough to deprive Ed-
wina of every luxury. It may be that there is a bottle
of castor-oil here with a little left in it. What is this
I see f"
What she saw were the original six bottles of castor-
oil which she had presented to the young couple, in its
pure and virgin state, untouched and undefiled; not a
single dose had they taken. Dark as it was, she was
able to convince herself of this.
" I wouldn't have believed," she muttered, " that, they
could have been so ungrateful. Edwina "—she shook
her head reproachfully at the doll—" if you had ap-
predated my present, if you had taken it in a proper
spirit, this might not have happened. I will give you
a large dose now, and you shall see what- good it will
do you."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
217
It was not out of tenderness, but out of spitefulness,
that she wrenched the cork from a bottle and poured a
large quantity in a glass.
'' Now, Edwina, take this at once. Drink it right
down without stopping."
The doll made no attempt to obey the injunction.
" You've got to take it," continued Aunt Plummer,
" whether you like it or not. Let us have no nonsense.
If you don't hold out your hand instantly for it I will
pour it down your throat. I shall do my duty, even
if you scream. Nobody can prevent me, because I've
locked the door. I shall have no objection to your
holding your nose, though it is a sign of weakness.
You won't take it, Edwina, you won't? Here goes,
then, you obstinate, rebellious girl! "
With the swift and sudden movement which she had
frequently practiced upon refractory children whom
she had dosed, she threw back the head of the doll and
poured the castor-oil over its mouth. The oil spread
over its chin ^nd dropped upon its neck and breast.
This impassiveness, this silence, this absence of active
opposition, alarmed Aunt Plummer.
" Great heavens ! " she cried. " What if the poor
child is dead ! " She jumped at the conclusion. "Yes,"
she said, as she put her hand on the waxy face, " her
skin is cold and hard. She is dead! The monsters
have murdered her, and the carriage is at the door to
take away the body! There has been murder done,
and I—I am the witness to bring their guilt home to
them! "
She was about to shriek " Murder! " and to ring the
bell violently, when she heard a voice that thrilled her
marrow.
218
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Aunt Plummer! "
It was Edwina's soft, sweet, pleading voice that fell
upon her ears, and it seemed, in her confusion, to pro-
ceed from the dying or dead form before her. It was
a voice from the grave. What was she about to hear ?
" Who speaks ?" she whispered sepulchrally.
"Aunt Plummer," said Edwina outside, "open the
door. What are you saying to yourself ? Are you un-
well?"
She rushed to the door, flung the chair aside, unlocked
it, and threw it open; and there on the landing stood
Harold and Edwina, smiling at her.
" You, Edwina! " she gasped. " You, Harold! Then,
in Heaven's name, what is this ? Is it the corpse of
another victim ?"
" This, Aunt Plummer," said Edwina, stepping with
Harold into the room, and drawing the curtains from
the window, "is my beautiful doll. And oh, Aunt
Plummer, what have you been doing to the dear ? Its
face is all greasy, and my beautiful dress is completely
spoilt."
Aunt Plummer glared at Edwina, glared at Harold,
glared at the doll, and without another word pushed
past her nephew and niece and went downstairs. And
there, in a few minutes, she was joined by them. They
could not follow her at once, because, guessing what
she had been doing, they had to remain in their bed-
room a little while to overcome their merriment.
They addressed her, but could not get a word out of
her. She continued to glare at them, and that was all.
It was dinner-time, and Priscilla was laying the cloth.
"I hope you will enjoy your dinner, aunt," said
Edwina; " we have got evervthing you ordered."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
219
She did not vouchsafe a reply, but ate her dinner in
silence. Whether she enjoyed it or not was not ap-
parent, but she certainly made a very substantial meal.
When the cloth was cleared she found her tongue.
"Edwina and Harold," she said then, "what is all
this?"
" What is all what, Aunt Plummer ?" inquired Edwina,
in a tone of sweet innocence.
" All this mystery, Edwina," replied Aunt Plummer,
"all these inexplicable proceedings? I demand an ex-
planation of them."
"We have no explanation to give," said Harold.
" Surely you can see for yourself. Edwina was unwell,
and the doctor ordered that she was to be kept very
quiet. I left instructions last night before I went to
the ball "
"Ah, the ball," interrupted Aunt Plummer. "You
go to a ball, and leave a sick wife suffering in bed—if
she was sick! "
"I was not myself, Aunt Plummer," said Edwina,
" and I insisted upon Harold going, so as not to dis-
appoint Mrs. Markleby. If it had not been for me he
would have remained at home; he wanted to."
"I have no doubt," said Aunt Plummer stonily, "he
wanted to."
" Before I went," continued Harold, " I left ifistruc-
tions that Edwina was on no account to be disturbed,
and that no one was to go into her room. When a
person takes a sleeping-draught you can't be too care-
ful, can you, Aunt Plummer? You arrived unexpect-
edly, and the servants carried out my instructions, and
there, you see, everything is explained."
" Is it ?" said Aunt Plummer. " I will pass over the
220
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
events, the disgraceful events, of last night. I do not
say I will forget them, because I could not do it if I
tried, but for the present I will pass them over. What
I wish to ascertain is, and no doubt you can inform
me, where the man Perkins is to be found."
" Perkins—Perkins ! " said Harold, with an innocent
look, and pretending to consider deeply. "I do not
recall the name. Who may he be, Aunt Plummer ? "
" That is precisely what I wish to learn from you,"
said Aunt Plummer.
"Perkins," said Harold, "Perkins, now, Edwina?
Can you tell Aunt Plummer where such a man is to be
found ?"
" Indeed I can't, Harold," replied Edwina, and Aunt
Plummer, glaring at her, detected a little twitching of
the corners of her lips. " Is he a friend of yours, aunt ? "
"A friend of mine ! " exclaimed that injured matron.
" Heaven forbid ! With my hand clutching his green
necktie, you would see whether he was a friend of mine.
Do you, Edwina, and you, Harold, wish me to believe
that such a man does not exist ? "
" Not to our knowledge, Aunt Plummer," said Harold,
who would have changed the subject if he could.
" Not to your knowledge," said Aunt Plummer. " But
who should know better than you ? Perhaps you in-
ventedvhim, Harold." *
" Invented Perkins ! Really, Aunt Plummer, can you
think me capable of such a feat ? It almost reminds
one of Frankenstein the monster."
" I think you," said Aunt Plummer, " capable of any-
thing, Harold. I think you capable of sending a forged
telegram—a criminal offense, allow me to inform you—
to decoy me away from this house, and to cause me to
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
221
go all the way to Hampstead Heath, where I was abused
by a ruffianly eab-driver and laughed at by a low mob.
I think you capable of employing an imp of a boy to
lead me up and down every hill on the Heath, and round
every pool of water in it, in search of Perkins, till I
was fit to drop. I think you capable of entering into
a conspiracy with your confederate Crumbs to make
me waste my time and money on a wild-goose chase
after a man who does not exist. It is, perhaps, in your
opinion, the conduct of a gentleman; but I always knew
what you were "
"And therefore," interrupted Harold, "you cannot
be disappointed at anything I have done, or that you
fancy I have done. Come, Aunt Plummer, don't let us
have any words over it. Let us be pleasant. You are
here on a visit to us, and we would like to make you
happy and comfortable. Wouldn't we, Edwina?"
"Yes, indeed we would," said Edwina. "Listen to
Harold, aunt, and, as the song says, let us be happy
together."
" Can I be happy in a house," demanded Aunt Plum-
mer, " where dolls are dressed like human beings, and
left on chairs in rooms with the doors open, for the
express purpose of making a fool of a respectable
lady ? No, Edwina; no, Harold; I leave your house
this evening."
"You do, Aunt Plummer?" they both cried in one
breath, in a voice which was intended to convey an ex-
pression of profound sorrow, but which sounded sus-
piciously like delirious and incredulous joy. "0 Aunt
Plummer!"
"I leave this evening," repeated Aunt Plummer,
" and I shall send for my trunk to-morrow. But be-
222
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
fore I take my departure I intend to see the creature
who has the assurance to pass herself off as-Grandma
Dinah, and give her a piece of my mind."
" Oh, but you can't, Aunt Plummer," said Edwina.
" And why not, pray, Edwina ? "
"Because," replied Edwina demurely, "I have an
idea she was afraid you would want to do that, so she
ran away."
" Ran away! Where to ? I will follow her to the
ends of the earth, and tear the mask from her deceitful
face!"
"We can't tell you where she has gone to, Aunt
Plummer, because we don't know ourselves. We will
swear it, if you like, will we not, Harold ?"
"We will," said Harold promptly. "If it was the
last word I spoke I could not tell Aunt Plummer, or
any one, where Grandma Dinah has gone to."
"Very well," said Aunt Plummer, rising, "I will
bandy no further words with you. It is not unlikely
I may consult a detective."
And with a withering look at the guilty pair Aunt
Plummer sailed out of the room.
" Do you think she will go t" asked Harold.
" I really think she will," said Edwina. " Now that
I am back again I am sorry. It looks so inhospitable."
" I don't care how it looks," said Harold. " I want
to see the last of her."
His wish seemed likely to be gratified, for in a few
minutes they saw Aunt Plummer marching toward
the gate, which she left wide open in token of her dis-
pleasure. Priscilla came running breathlessly into the
room.
" She's gone, ma'am," said the girl. " She saw me
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
223
at the door, and she called me a depraved creature, and
said this, was a depraved house, and that a judgment
would fall on the lot of us."
" Never mind what she said, Priscilla," said Harold.
" She has gone, and I don't think any of us are sorry.
We have lost another visitor also, Priscilla. Grandma
Dinah has gone."
"The pleasant old lady, sir? We shall he sorry for
that! We were all ill love with her."
" Crumbs as well ?" asked Edwina, smiling.
"Yes, ma'am. Crumbs was quite wild about her.
But when did she go, ma'am ? None of us saw her go."
" She did not want to make a fuss; she likes to do
things quietly. She left five shillings for each of you."
Edwina gave her the money.
" She is very kind, ma'am; thank you, ma'am."
" She made me a present, too—a doll as large as life,
Priscilla, and she dressed it in some of my clothes with
her own hands. You will find it in the bedroom; it is
rather in a state j Mrs. Plummer did something to it,
I think—tried to make it take a dose of castor-oil."
Priscilla made a face. "You don't like castor-oil, Pris-
cilia?"
" Can't abear it, ma'am. That was a funny thing for
Mrs. Plummer to do."
" It was, Priscilla, but she has peculiar ways. Go
and tidy up the rooms, and make the doll clean and
put it in a corner."
CHAPTER XIX.
more startling than ever.
It was seven o'clock when Edwina said: " Harold,
dear, after our first pinch of snuff we did a little good
out of the money Mr. Wottisnot sent us. We put Mrs.
Crumbs in business, and she is getting a living, though
she is not yet making her fortune. We have now an-
other large sum of money, and we must spare a little
of it to do a kindness in some way or another. That
is just how I felt when I was an old lady. ' Grandma,'
I said to myself, ' you must really go and be kind to
people.'"
"Dear Edwina," said Harold, "you are not changed
in that respect. Never, from the first day I saw you,
have you done anything that was not kind and sweet."
" Thank you, Harold," said Edwina; " it is very nice
of you to say so."
"I say so, Edwina," he responded, "with all my
heart. I want to ask you something that I am curious
about. When we were each other it was only our heads
that were changed, and in the confusion I have no idea
whether I felt always like myself, or sometimes a little
like you. Do you understand me so far ?"
" Yes. When I had your head I did not feel exactly
as if I was Edwina, but at odd times I was really you
in my thoughts and inclinations. For instance, when
we drank the champagne. I noticed that you drank
224
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
225
your glass as I drink it when I am myself—just sipped
it, you know—while I tossed mine oft' for all the world
as if I were a man; and, Harold, I did not feel a bit
the worse for it afterward. Then, again, when I smoked
a cigar. I wanted to smoke it; you tried to persuade
me not to, and yet I would. That shows that I was
sometimes myself and sometimes you in my feelings."
" It does," said Harold. " The change you have just
undergone, Edwina, was a complete change. It was
not a part of you only that was transformed, it was all
of you. What I want to ask you is, did you truly feel
as if you were an old lady in reality ?"
" I did, Harold. There were times when I lost sight
entirely of Edwina, and thought of myself only as
Grandma Dinah. I stood up in a quadrille with Mr.
Paradox, but as Grandma Dinah I did not want to
dance, and had not the least wish for it; while you
know how passionately fond I am of dancing."
" So that it was an inward as well as an outward
transformation," observed Harold thoughtfully.
" Yes, but not all the time, remember. I was as often
Edwina in my feelings and sensations as I was an old
lady. It is rather hard to make it clear "
"I understand it perfectly, Edwina; the outward
transformation brought with it instincts and feelings
that would be natural in the person you were made to
represent. It is very strange; for suppose I was trans-
formed into a pickpocket, should I go into the streets
and begin to pick pockets ? Or into a murderer, should
I want to murder somebody ?"
" What dreadful ideas, Harold! And you are losing
sight of Mr. Wottisnot altogether."
" How so ?"
226
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Did he not say that it would be something to make
people laugh ? Now, would people laugh if you picked
their pockets and murdered them 1"
"You have relieved my feelings," said Harold. "I
did forget, for the moment, that very satisfactory clause
in the agreement we made with Mr. Wottisnot. Let
us get back to what we were talking about. You want
to do a kindness to somebody."
" And I want to do it at once. Have you a five-pound
note in your purse 1"
Harold handed her one, and Edwina commenced to
write:
" A lady presents her compliments to Mrs. Crumbs,
and wishes her to send five pounds' worth of toys to the
Institution for Crippled Children in Bloomsbury. The
lady incloses a five-pound note to pay for the toys, and
leaves the selection of them to Mrs. Crumbs."
Harold read it, and nodded approvingly.
"Now we address it to Mrs. Crumbs," said Edwina,
" and she does not know whom it comes from. The
poor children get their toys, and Mrs. Crumbs makes
a profit. We will do this, Harold, whenever business
is dull with her. You shall write to-morrow, and send
her another five-pound note for toys for children in an-
other institution. The Institution for Crippled Chil-
dren is supported by voluntary contributions, is it not ?"
"Yes, and it is always in want of money, the expenses
are so great and they do so much good to so many.
By the way, Edwina, I did not tell you last week that
I received a letter from the Committee, informing me
that by the terms of Uncle Theophilus's bequest to the
Institution I was entitled to a presentation."
" What is a presentation, Harold ?"
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
227
" I can nominate any poor crippled child I like, and
it will be received in the Institution and taken care of
and attended to without any charge."
" I am glad of that, Harold. We must look out for
some poor crippled child. As the institution is always
in want of funds, write a check for twenty-five pounds
and send it to the secretary."
" Happy thought, Edwina; it shall be done at once."
And done at once it was, and Harold went out to
post the letters. He would not give them to the ser-
vants to post, because Edwina said that the order for
toys to Mrs. Crumbs must be kept quite secret.
When the gas was lighted Harold sat for some time
in thought,, and Edwina, who was playing the piano
softly, turned frequently to look at him. He was not
listening to the music, that was clear; his mind ap-
peared to be bent upon the consideration of some
weighty matter. Edwina stole softly behind him and
put her hands over his eyes. He took them away and
kissed them, holding them imprisoned in his own, so
that her arms formed a loving neck-chain around him.
She bent her head and pressed her cheek to his.
" A penny for your thoughts," she said.
" Give me the penny, Edwina."
" I can't while you hold my hands."
"Well, owe it to me. You shall hear what I was
thinking of. Aunt Plummer is gone, we have no en-
gagements, we are quite free. The servants are ac-
customed to odd things by this time, or if they are not
they ought to be. At all events,, we have managed so
cleverly in what we have gone through that they have
not run away or given us notice to leave. I propose
that we take them while they are in the humor."
228
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Make it a little clearer to me, love," said Edwina.
"We have only completed half our bargain with Mr.
Wottisnot; the other half remains to be accomplished.
Now, Edwina, why should we keep it hanging over us?
It has to be done, and must be done, and the sooner it
is done the better—which is just like a speech from
Macbeth. Everything is favorable for the third pinch
of snuff. Edwina, shall we take it ?"
" Let me sit on your knee, love, while we talk."
He held her fondly to him. " The sooner it is done,
Edwina, the sooner it will be over. At the present time
we can scarcely say that we belong to ourselves. I
should like to persuade you to do it to-night, now, be-
fore we go to bed. You have been very brave in our
last two adventures, and I am sure we can afford to
laugh at them now, however embarrassing they were
at the time. We shall not meet, as the advertisements
say, with such a favorable opportunity again."
"Harold," said Edwina gravely, "you are a much
better judge than I, and you have a wiser head. I will
do as you wish."
"That's my own little wife," he said, kissing her;
" and we will not look at it too seriously; we will make
light of it, and tackle the snuff with brave noses."
"Mr. Wottisnot's snuff-box," observed Edwina, "has
not popped upon the table of its own accord this time
to remind us."
" I don't think it popped on before, love; I must have
put it there myself with an absent mind. Here is the
box, and here the laughing pelican. How do you do,
sir?" he addressed the bird sportively. "You are cer-
tainly a happy creature, to be perpetually laughing as
you are."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
229
" It seems to shake and wag," said Edwina.
" Onr fancy, dear, nothing more. Let us commence
the ceremony, and as we have really nothing to com-
plain of in what has gone before, we will not vary it by
the breadth of a hair, in case we should alter our luck."
They therefore proceeded with the formula in the
regulation way: they wished for money, they wrote the
sum they wished for on slips of paper, and it was two
thousand pounds, and Edwina said merrily—that is,
she tried to say it merrily, though she was inwardly
quaking—" What an extraordinary coincidence ! " and
then they took the pinch of snuff, and sneezed three
times, and the pelican on the snuff-box seemed to be
going into greater convulsions than ever.
" Give me your hand, love," said Harold.
She did not do so immediately. She threw her arms
round his neck, and kissed him again and again, and
he was not behindhand in returning her kisses. Hav-
ing partaken of this refreshment, she held out her hand
and he clasped it in his.
" Don't forget, dear," he said. " When I say, ' Shut,'
shut your eyes and wish; when I say, 'Open,' open
them, and we shall see what we shall see. Are you
ready ?"
"Yes, love."
" Shut, then ! "
It seemed to Edwina a longer silence than usual, but
Harold said, " Open," at last—and there, as before, on
the table lay the gold.
They remained still and silent, not daring to turn
their eyes upon each other, not daring to speak. Ed-
wina was the first to venture.
"Harold, darling, there's the gold."
230
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Dat's so, Edwinah ! " said Harold. " Dar's de gold.
Golly! What a pile ! "
" Don't make fun of me, Harold, dear," said Edwina,
still not daring to raise her eyes. u Look at me, and
tell me whether there is any change in me, and whether
I am Edwina."
"'Spects yon's jist de same, Edwinah," said Harold.
" Dar's no change in you. You's jist as sweet an' pooty
as eber."
Reassured by the news that nothing had occurred to
her, and bewildered by the voice in which he answered
her, Edwina looked at him and gave a horrified shriek.
In the seat which had last been occupied by her dear
Harold sat a nigger, black as coal, and with the wooliest
head of hair that ever was seen. He, at the same mo-
ment, put his hand up, and perceiving that it was black,
gave a shout and rushed to the mirror. An ebony
face met his gaze, with a large flat nose on it, and
gleaming eyes, and a mouth with enormous lips through
which shone a set of large teeth as white as milk. But
even the consternation with which he was filled at this
most startling revelation could not banish the good-
humored expression which seemed to be native to his
features, and presently he put his hands to his sides
and shook with internal laughter.
" Don't laugh, don't laugh, you horrid nigger! " cried
Edwina. " And don't come near me—don't come near
me!"
" Yes," said Harold, " I'se a nigger, dat's sartin. But
lors-a-massy ! I'se good-natured, I is ! "
The shock of this metamorphosis was too much for
Edwina, and she stood in the furthermost corner of the
room panting and sobbing, and at every attempt he
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
231
made to get near her to console her she waved him
wildly off. He felt hurt at this, and desisted. Retreat-
ing to the opposite corner of the room, he stood gazing
at her, and waited till she had recovered. In a few
minutes she was somewhat calmer; it was only by a
strong effort that she prevented herself from falling
on the ground in hysterics. Peeping at him, she was
inspired by a wild hope. He might not be Harold,
after all.
" Who are you ?" she asked.
" Who is If" he replied. " Dat's a curus question.
I'se Harold, dat's who I is."
" And who am I f" she asked.
"You's my deah pooty little wife Edwinah. DaPs
no mistake 'bout dat! "
" This is too, too dreadful! " she sobbed. " But a
hope still remains. Stop here, and don't let a soul into
the room till I come back."
She ran upstairs, and returned with a basin of warm
water and a towel and a large cake of soap.
" Now," she said, locking the door and placing the
basin on the table, "wash it off."
He plunged his head into the water, he made a great
lather of soap and washed his face with it; and then
he rubbed his skin vigorously with the towel. When
he had completed his ablutions he was glossier and
shinier than ever.
" It's jist de solemn truth, Edwinah," he said, " I'se
changed color."
He held out his ebony hand with rather a wistful
expression on his face, and Edwina was constrained to
put her own white delicate hand into it. He pressed
his lips to it, and she could not repress a shudder. But
232
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
a little reflection brought her to a better frame of mind.
Was it right that she should shrink from him, that she
should show him that she regarded him with aversion,
that she should so wound his feelings as to shudder
when their skins came in contact ? This was unkind
and unfeeling conduct to one who had striven by every
means in his power to make her happy; it was a viola-
tion of the vows which they had exchanged, and which
he had kept so faithfully. True, he was black, blacker
than the blackest Othello that ever trod the stage,
blacker than the men who sang in the nigger minstrels,
blacker than she had imagined a negro possibly could
be, but was he not her husband ? And besides, was it
not she who was the cause of all these complications ?
It was she, and not Harold, who had put into speech
her desire for wishes; it was she, and not Harold, who
was primarily responsible for the appearance of the
Genius of the Utterly Absurd. Was it just, then, was
it womanly, to make him the scapegoat because a mis-
fortune which he could not avoid had fallen upon him ?
No, she would not shrink from him; he had enough
to bear without her making it harder for him; she
would prove, in perhaps the most difficult position in
which a young wife had ever been placed, how deep,
how sincere was her love for him. Heroically she held
out her arms, and he put his black hands around her
and laid his ebony head on her shoulders.
" Oh, my poor Harold ! " she sighed. u How I pity
you ! How sorry I am for you ! "
"Neber mind," he said, and there was a touch of
pathos in his voice, " so long as you lub me, I'se con-
tent to be a black nigger. May I kiss you, Edwinah?"
She held her face up to his, and their lips met. The
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
233
brave little lady was achieving a noble victory over
herself ; she was stirred by the sincerest, tenderest pity
for her dear boy, whose face and teeth gleamed with
good humor and delight at these marks of affection.
Although in color and speech he conld match the most
ont-and-ont negro in the United States, and although
the negro instinct made itself manifest when he least
expected it, and -in the most aggravating manner, the
spirit and nature of Harold still reigned within him.
He was conscious that this startling adventure could
not but be trying to Edwina's nerves, and he was de-
sirous to spare her as much as possible. Therefore
he did not prolong his caresses, but withdrew himself
from her arms with a satisfied laugh.
" Yon set down right heah, Edwinah," he said, " while
I put de gold in de bag."
They had prepared for this new arrival of treasure
by getting together a number of small canvas bags,
into which Harold now put the gold, depositing the
whole in the larger Gladstone, which he said he would
carry up to the bedroom when the servants had retired
to bed. They had not taken the precaution of waiting
till the servants had gone to their bedrooms, as they
had done on the previous occasion, and Crumbs and
Priscilla and cook were still in the kitchen. It was
not yet ten o'clock, too early to bid them go to bed.
The wash-hand basin and soap and towel had been car-
ried back to the bedroom by Edwina, the most careful
precautions, of course, being observed by Harold that
no one should enter the lower room while Edwina was
absent from it. The Gladstone bag was placed in a
corner, Mr. Wottisnot's snuff-box was put in a drawer,
and the apartment wore its usual appearance.
234
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
These labors over, Harold was curious to ascertain if
it was only his face and neck that were black, and if
the other parts of his body had escaped this most ex-
traordinary visitation. Strangely enough, he was not
anxious to be half black and half white, it would look
so singular when he was taking a bath; what he desired
was to be consistent. He took oft his coat, and turned
up his shirt sleeves. A black arm met his view. He
grinned, as though he was rather proud of the new
color; and the grin was a proof of the existence of the
negro instincts in him. He turned up his trousers and
turned down his sock. A black leg met his view.
" Golly, Edwinah ! " he cried, with a chuckle; " I'se
black all ober! "
This announcement, and the tone of enjoyment in
which it was made, had such an effect upon Edwina
that she went off again into a fit of hysterical laughter,
and Harold, sinking into a chair, put his two hands on
his knees and laughed with her. Had a set of " bones "
been within reach he would not have been able to resist
the impulse of seizing them and playing the wildest
antics. Even as he sat and laughed he felt himself, in
an odd spiritual way, going through a performance of
the kind, his arms stretched out to their fullest extent,
behind his back, over his head, under his legs, and
finally he himself leaping in the air and falling in a
lump upon his chair, with a loud bang from the big
drum.
" Do you hear them laughing upstairs'?" said Pris-
cilia in the kitchen. " They are enjoying themselves ! "
"Priscilla," said Mrs. Lavender, "if you remain in
service all your life, you'll never get another place as
nice as this, and you'll never get with nicer people.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
235
Master and missis are as kind as kind can be to every-
body and everything; they're as affectionate as a pair
of love-birds ; and they're as full of fun as a couple of
playful young kittens. It does me good to hear them
laugh. Crumbs, there is the gate bell ringing. Run
and see who it is."
Away went Crumbs, and returned presently with a
blank face.
" It's Mrs. Plummer come back," he said, " and you're
to get some supper for her immediate."
" What! " cried Mrs. Lavender. " Has she come to
stay ?"
" She 'as," replied Crumbs. " When I opened the
gate for her she sed, 'You thought you'd got rid o' me,
you wicked little sinner, didn't you, and them 'uzzies in
the kitching ? But I've come back, you see, and 'ere
I'm going to remain till I find out wot's going on in
this 'ere 'ouse.'"
" Did you tell master she'd come back ? "
"She wouldn't let me. 'You go down to the kitch-
ing,' she sed, ' and order that impident cook to send me
up immediate two large rashers of bacon and three
poached eggs, and she's to see that they are properly
cooked. I can go to your master and missis without
your meddlin'.' I left 'er standing in the passage out-
side their room."
" I pity 'em, I do," said Mrs. Lavender. " If she was
my aunt she shouldn't put her foot inside a house of
mine. They're too soft-hearted, that's what they are.
See that they're properly cooked ! Ill cook 'em for her;
I hope she'll like her supper when she gets it."
CHAPTER XX.
aunt plummer has another adventure.
Aunt Plummer, standing outside the room occupied
by Edwina and Harold, listened, and heard the sound
of voices. " They're at home," she said, and tried the
door; finding it locked, she rapped smartly on the
panel.
"Who's there?" asked Edwina, and whispered to
Harold, " For Heaven's sake don't speak. You would
expose yourself, and we should be ruined."
" It is I," replied Aunt Plummer; "let me in."
Harold made a dive under the table.
"You can't come in," said Edwina; " I am all alone."
"Is that a reason for keeping me out?" inquired
Aunt Plummer. "Are you afraid I shall gobble you
up?"
" Oh no, Aunt Plummer," said Edwina, with a weak
laugh; " I meant that Harold is not here, and I am
always nervous when he is away."
" It's a good job I have come back, then, is it not?"
"Yes, aunt, I am so glad! "
"I knew you would be. Edwina, I will not hold a
conversation with a door between us. Let me see you
instantly."
"Go into the dining-room, aunt; I will join you
there."
"It is most extraordinary," said Aunt Plummer,
236
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
237
" that you refuse to let me into this room ; but I will
do as you wish. I am accustomed to be trodden on."
"Come from under the table, Harold," whispered
Edwina, " and guard the door as I pass out of it. She
is quite capable of keeping quietly outside and trying
to rush in the moment I open it."
Harold's black face appeared from under the folds
of the table-cover, and he rose to his feet and took up
his position at the door. Edwina was right; Aunt
Plummer had remained in the passage and did attempt
to enter the room as she opened the door; but Harold
was too quick for her; the door was swiftly shut and
locked. Aunt Plummer made no immediate comment
upon this, but accompanied Edwina into the dining-
room.
" Edwina," she said, " what is all this ?"
" It is nothing," said Edwina, rather stubbornly; she
felt that she must assert herself, and she was not in a
mood to submit to be badgered.
" Nothing, Edwina! " exclaimed Aunt Plummer, in a
freezing tone. " Nothing! "
" I said nothing, aunt," replied Edwina firmly, " and
I meant nothing."
" Unhappy child! It is well I have returned. It
was wrong of me to go away so abruptly. When I
came to London it was with the intention of remaining
with you a week—or longer, if I was pressed. I will
fulfill my intention, in consideration for your feelings.
I should like to see Harold, to explain this to him as
master of the house."
" I will explain it to him, aunt."
"I would prefer to explain it myself. I will call
him."
238
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" It will be of no use, aunt; be is not at home."
" Not at home! At this hour of the night! Where
is he ?"
" Oh," cried Edwina, clasping her hands, as the tears
started in her eyes, " if I only knew ! "
" I see, I see," said Aunt Plummer, with gloomy tri-
umph, " you would have shielded him, but your feelings
are too much for you. Poor child, he has deserted you! "
" He has done nothing," said Edwina, brushing away
her tears, "for which he can be blamed. You shall not
say one word against him."
"I recognize the symptoms," said Aunt Plummer.
"A young wife with a broken heart, striving to hide
her despair from the best friend she has in the world.
Come, tell me all, child, and I will counsel you. He
shall be made to smart for his vile behavior."
"You heard me say, Aunt Plummer, that I will not
hear a word against him. If you go on like that I
shall leave you."
"You are deceiving me, then. Harold is in the
house 5 he is in the room you have just left."
" He is not in that room."
" Then who is ?" asked Aunt Plummer, in a voice of
horror.
"I told you I was all alone," replied Edwina.
" Edwina, you are prevaricating. If you were alone
in that room, who slammed the door in my face ?"
" The wind," said Edwina wildly.
" The wind ! Hush ! " Priscilla had entered with
her supper; she took the cover off the dish. " What is
this?"
" The eggs and bacon you ordered, ma'am," said Pris-
cilia.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
239
" Is this the way things are cooked in the house ?
Do yon call these eggs poached ? They are dried up,
and the bacon is no better than a cinder."
" Don't find fault with cook, aunt," said Edwina;
" we are quite satisfied with her, and with all our ser-
vants. Priscilla, you had better all get to bed; you
can clear the cloth in the morning."
" Yes, ma'am. Good-night, ma'am."
" Good-night, Priscilla."
" Cook," said Priscilla in the kitchen, " we are all to
get to bed, and missis is an angel."
"She is," said Mrs. Lavender, "if ever there was an
angel in petticoats."
Crumbs said nothing, but his face showed how heart-
ily he indorsed the sentiment.
"I shall eat my supper," said Aunt Plummer, sitting
down at the table, " because I will not let myself run
down. Nature must be supported, invigorated, strength-
ened. You will not tell me who is in that room ?"
" I will not tell you any tiling, aunt," said Edwina,
" and I will not answer another question to-night. I
will remain with you while you eat your supper; your
room is ready for you; I am sure you must be tired."
"I am. This has been a trying day, the most ex-
traordinary day I have had in the whole course of my
life. But I will sacrifice myself. I will stop up and keep
you company till Harold comes home. It may be in my
power to prevent bloodshed. He will probably not re-
turn till three or four in the morning, in a state not fit
to be seen. I know what men are; I have gone through
it all myself."
"Aunt Plummer," said Edwina resolutely, " you shall
not stop VP with me 5 you shall go to bed when you
240
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
have finished your supper. I will have no interference
between Harold and me."
Annt Plninmer looked at her niece and saw that she
was determined.
"I will wait till to-morrow," she said; "but under-
stand, Edwina, to-morrow we will have it out. I will
not allow things to go on in this way. When I stood
in the passage, knocking at that door, I heard voices in
the room, and one of them was the voice of a man. Do
yon think it proper, while your husband is absent, to
be locked up in a room alone with a man ? Answer
me that."
But Edwina did not answer, and the only words
she uttered were, " Good-night," when Aunt Plummer,
finding all her efforts vain to make her speak, felt that
no other course was open to her but to seek her couch.
Edwina stood at the foot of the stairs and watched her
aunt go up to the second floor and enter the bedroom.
Then she returned to Harold.
" Oh, what a time I have had! " she said, sinking into
a chair, and she did not shrink when Harold put his
black hand on her shoulder. On the contrary, she put
her own white hand upon his, and then she jumped up
with a brisker air. " Harold, we must decide how we
are to act."
"Yes, Edwinah," said Harold. "Guess de fust ting
to do's to take dat dar gold upstair."
" Quick, Harold. I'll go before you, to keep watch
that Aunt Plummer doesn't come out of her room."
Aunt Plummer did not make her appearance, and
the Gladstone bag was safely deposited in the ward-
robe. Edwina took out the key and gave it to Harold
to mind, and then they returned to the room below,
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
241
where it was safer to talk together, and where they
conversed with the door wide open, listening between-
whiles for the footstep of an intruder. The perplexing
point to be decided upon was where and how Harold
should sleep.
" My character would be entirely gone," said Edwina,
" if there was the least suspicion that we slept in the
same room; and yet I am so afraid to sleep alone."
" It mus' be done, honey," said Harold, and Edwina
was ruefully compelled to admit that they must occupy
separate rooms. She was distracted by conflicting feel-
ings. She was dismayed at the prospect of going to
bed by herself, and yet she felt, with a shudder, that
she could not sleep with Harold while he was in that
condition. It was finally resolved that a bed should
be made up for Harold on the sofa, and that Edwina
should occupy her own room. Edwina was to be care-
ful to keep her door locked, and Harold, also, to keep
his, though he expressed his intention to remain awake
as long as he could to guard her. When their plans
for the next few hours were settled Harold put out the
light, and they were in darkness.
" What do you do that for ?" asked Edwina.
" Wall, Edwinah," he replied, " I guess a poor nigger
look pootier in de dark dan in de light."
"Poor Harold!" she said pityingly. "Good-night,
love."
" Good-night, deah Edwinah."
He did not attempt to kiss her, but she pulled his
face down and kissed him three or four times, and said
he must kiss her. When she left him there were tears
on his ebony cheeks, and they had not come from his
eyes.
242
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
Edwina was very sad as she undressed and went to
bed. Since their marriage she and Harold had not
been parted a single night, and she felt as if she were
playing a mean and unworthy part by banishing him
from her room. The tenderness he had displayed to-
ward her when she was an old lady and he was de-
prived of the society of his dear girl, his patience, his
cheerful acceptance of the inevitable, and the pains he
took to make her burden light to her, came now to
her mind, and inflicted upon her sharp stings of self-
reproach; she was inclined to hasten down to him, to
throw her arms round his ebony neck and say, " Come
with me, Harold, dear, and let us brave everything."
But upon the heels of this inclination came the thought
of the future. If they were discovered her reputation
would be lost, and the most cruel things would be said
of her. Explanation was impossible, even though
Harold would stand by to defend her. No, there must
be no change in their arrangements; they must sleep
apart from each other. " I hope my poor dear will get
some rest," she said, as she laid her head upon her pil-
low. " I must be downstairs in the morning before the
servants, to smooth away the difficulties that are certain
to crop up." She tried to keep awake, as a kind of
penance, but she was young and bodily well, and nature
was too strong for her. In three minutes she was fast
asleep.
Harold was afflicted with a variety of singular sen-
sations. Sometimes, as Harold, he was all tenderness
toward Edwina, and thought only of her; at other
times the instincts of the new personality he had been
compelled to assume took complete possession of him,
and he would be irresistibly tickled by the comic ideas
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
243
that occurred to him. It was during one of these fits
that he was struck with the inappropriateness of his
continuing to wear Harold's clothes, and an uncontrol-
lable desire came over him to change them for garments
more appropriate to his race. The means of accom-
plishing this change were within his reach. Before he
had met Edwina he had beguiled his bachelor days by
joining a band of amateur nigger minstrels who used
to go about giving performances for the benefit of
charities. Harold was a distinguished member of this
band; he had a good tenor voice, and was an excellent
performer with the bones and banjo and on the guitar.
When he resigned his membership he did not get rid
of the characteristic clothes he was in the habit of
wearing at those entertainments, and they were now in
the house in a trunk in the bathroom. The door of
this room was unlocked, and it would be easy to steal
up and possess himself of them. He did not hesitate
a moment in gratifying his desire. Creeping stealthily
upstairs, he entered the bathroom, opened the trunk
with one of a bunch of keys he kept always in his
pocket, took out the suit of nigger clothes, and reached
the room below in safety. The house was very quiet,
and he had heard not a sound that did not proceed from
himself. With care and a curious feeling of pride he
changed his garments, and when his task was completed
he stood upon a chair and surveyed himself from top
to toe in the mirror over the mantelpiece. His attire
consisted of a blue-and-white check shirt, a red tie, yel-
low trousers with a blue stripe running down the legs,
a short green jacket with large mother-of-pearl buttons,
a pair of broad shoes much too long for his feet, and a
battered white hat. His trousers, being much too short
244
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
for his legs, allowed of the display of blue socks gar-
nished with yellow spots. Stepping off the chair, he
crept upstairs again to the bathroom and put all
Harold's clothes into the trunk. Then he descended to
his apartment, and, locking the door, undressed himself
and sought twro or three hours' sleep on the sofa. All
this had been accomplished without disturbing a soul,
and Harold, too, was soon asleep.
Aunt Plummer was not so fortunate as to drift
swiftly into a blissful state of unconsciousness. She
was greatly exercised by her eventful experiences and
forebodings. Agitated by dark suspicions, she remained
awake for at least half an hour, putting the worst pos-
sible construction upon everything, and when she fell
asleep it was with a restless mind and spirit which
caused her to wrake up two or three times in the course
of as many hours. On the last occasion she awoke
with a burning desire to take some steps to solve the
mystery wrhich surrounded her. " I will! " she said,
and she slid out of bed. Her intention was to go
downstairs while everybody in the house was wrapped
in slumber, and poke and pry about in all the rooms
below for a clue. She might find a scrap of writing,
a letter, anything; Edwina's desk might be open, and
Aunt Plummer was not the kind of person who would
scruple at obtaining possession of information by look-
ing through private papers. There might even be some-
thing in the kitchen that would enlighten her.
She looked at her watch. It was a quarter to three.
With a lighted candle in her hand, and attired only in
slippers, her blue night-cap, and her bedgown with
the red jacket over it—the costume in which she had
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
245
appeared to Crumbs—she left her bedroom and crept
downstairs.
She passed Edwina's room, and listened. Not a
sound. She crept to the ground-floor landing, and
listened. Not a sound. Harold and Edwina were
both quiet sleepers, although Aunt Pluminer was not
aware that any one was sleeping on the ground floor.
She softly tried the handle of the door in which Harold
was asleep, and to her disappointment found it locked.
" There is something in here," thought Aunt Plummer,
"that is being hidden from me, or Edwina would not
have locked the door and taken the key away." Then
she wondered if Harold had returned, and then she
called herself a fool, and thought, of course he had
been home all the time, and had instructed Edwina to
say he was out, because he did not care to see her.
She went into the room in which she had had her sup-
per. The remains were on the table and a decanter of
sherry. She helped herself to a glass, and her eyes
fell 011 a davenport in a corner. It was Edwina's dav-
enport, and was unlocked. Without hesitation Aunt
Plummer turned over the papers, and read the letters
that fell into her hands. They did not enlighten her,
and she replaced them in their original positions and
closed the desk. Meeting with nothing in this room
to reward her search, she left it and crept down to the
kitchen.
Harold was dreaming. He and Mr. Wottisnot, out-
rageously and absurdly dressed, were entertaining a
large gathering of people in a concert-hall. He was
black, Mr. Wottisnot was green. After singing a duet
they executed a dance, and their gyrations were of an
246
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
extraordinary character. The dance concluded, they
gave an acrobatic exhibition, their principal feat con-
sisting in playing ball with each other's bodies. Har-
old took himself up and threw himself in the air toward
Mr. Wottisnot, who caught him and then threw himself
toward Harold, who caught him and threw him at the
pelican, who suddenly made his appearance upon the
scene. They played at this game for some time, their
movements growing quicker and quicker, until it seemed
as if the three performers, Harold, Mr. Wottisnot, and
the pelican, rolled up into balls, were whirling in the
air together. The audience broke into such a storm of
applause that Harold awoke.
He laughed at his dream; it was certainly very
funny. In the midst of his laughing he stopped.
Somebody was moving about in the house. He
jumped off the sofa and listened.
Yes, he heard the stealthy movements of an inter-
loper. Edwina was alone and unprotected in her room,
and in that room was hidden a large store of gold.
Burglars !
Harold was not a powerful man, but he was brave
in emergencies. He threw open the door and stepped
into the dark passage. The sounds did not proceed
from the upper part of the house, but from the base-
ment; peering down the stairs, he saw the faint glim-
mering of a light. He returned to his room, seized a
poker from the hearth, and crept down in his bare feet.
Aunt Plummer had searched the kitchen with as little
success as she had searched the dining-room, and she
was standing by the dresser, upon which she had placed
the candle, deliberating whether she could go anywhere
else and pry. It was a proof of her energy and deter-
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
247
urination that she had successfully wrestled with her
aversion to the black-beetles that were running about
the floor when she entered, and had scuttled away at
her approach. Her back was toward Harold as he en-
tered, and so softly did he enter that she was not aware
of his presence.
He paused a moment. The figure of Aunt Plummer
in her blue night-cap and bedgown and red jacket was
strange to him, but he felt that he could hold his own
in a contest with it. He glided forward and clapped
his hands on Aunt Plummer's shoulder. She turned,
and would have screamed had not her articulation been
paralyzed by the horrible sight that met her eyes. The
ebony face, the gleaming eyes, the black hands, the
black feet! Her teeth chattered as she saw the mur-
derous poker in his hand. Her voice returned to her.
" The black man ! The black man ! " she shrieked.
" Oh, spare my life ! "
And overcome by terror, she sank to the ground in
a swoon.
u Golly ! " chuckled Harold. "Aunt Plummah ! " And
blowing out the candle, he left her lying on the floor.
The black-beetles crawled out of their crevices, and
gathering round the prostrate form held consultations
as to the meaning of this intrusion on their dark do-
minions. A mouse crept from its hole and peeped at it
from a safe distance, and presently, encouraged by its
immobility, approached nearer and nearer; and after
the lapse of another minute or so it ran in frenzied
haste over Aunt Plummer's face. This aroused her 5
with a shudder she lifted herself up, and hit her head
against the knob of a drawer in the dresser. Hearing
no sound, she ventured to gasp :
248
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Is anybody here !"
The words were not nttered all at once. They dropped
from her lips fragmentarily, chipped, as it were, into
half and quarter syllables. Receiving no answer, she
slowly raised herself to her feet, and in doing so placed
her hand 011 the dresser and touched a box of matches.
With trembling hands and chattering teeth she struck
a match, and lighting the candle, gazed fearsomely
around. She sighed with relief at finding herself alone,
and picking up her night-cap, which had fallen from
her head, she made her way hastily out of the kitchen
and up the stairs to her room. Harold heard her as
she passed his door.
'•Was it a dream," thought Aunt Plummer, as she
scrambled into bed, " or was it real, and ought I to
alarm Edwina and Harold! No, I will not put myself
in danger again. They do not deserve that I should
move hand or foot to save them. But was it a dream ?
I saw the black face Ah ! " She made a spring in
bed. " I see it all. It was a trick. That viper Crumbs
blacked himself up to frighten me, and doubtless with
Harold's connivance. They want to scare me out of the
house, but I will not allow them—no, I will not! Here
I am, and here will I remain till I have found out
"what is going on."
She closed her eyes, and as she was dozing off she
murmured:
"That wretched Crumbs will have to remove the
black from his face. Oh, if I only had the scrubbing
of it!"
CHAPTER XXI.
an entertainment in the kitchen.
Edwina was dressed and in Harold's room long be-
fore any one in the house was stirring. Both had slept
lightly during the early hours of morning, and were
anxious to see each other, in order to invent some
story to account for Harold's presence in the house. He
was up when she entered, and she gave utterance to a
muffled cry when she saw how he was dressed; but a
moment afterward she could not help laughing at his
absurd appearance, thus exemplifying the truth of Mr.
Wottisnot's statement that what occurred would make
others laugh. She asked why he had put on such a
ridiculous costume, and he answered that as he was a
nigger it was only proper that he should be dressed as
one. She did not see this.
"You are transformed, it is true," she said, "but
you are still a gentleman, and these are not the clothes
of a gentleman."
He asked her, then, how he could go about in Har-
old's clothes? The servants would recognize them,
Aunt Plummer would recognize them
She interrupted him. " Harold, Aunt Plummer must
not see you."
" I want her to see me, Edwinah. I'se got idees, lub,
that I 'spect will make Aunt Plummah fly from dis
heah house."
He did not explain what those ideas were, but told
249
250
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
her she must wait for their development. Continuing
his argument about the change of clothes, he asked her
whether the servants and Aunt Plummer would not
think he had stolen Harold's clothes if he wore them,
especially as Harold could not come forward to testify
in his black double's favor.
" But how can we account for your sudden appear-
ance here?" asked Edwina. "I haven't been able to
think of a thing."
" Say dat Grandma Dinah sent me as a present to
you," replied Harold.
" That will do capitally, and it will enable me to give
you some of your own clothes to wear."
" Tink Grandma Dinah sent me heah in a state ob
nature, widout.no clothes at all on ! No, Edwinah, no.
Let me be as I is. Dar's no oder way out ob it."
" Very well, Harold," she sighed. " I suppose I must
tell them you have just arrived."
That would not do, either, he contended. It would
be best to say that he arrived last night before Aunt
Plummer returned; that, the gate being open, he walked
in without ringing the bell; that Edwina, happening to
go to the front door, saw him outside and admitted him
into the house ; and that she did not speak to the ser-
vants about him because she thought that the sudden
appearance of a black man would frighten them. As
there was no bed ready for him to sleep in he passed
the night on the sofa. This story, said Harold, would
be a good one to tell Aunt Plummer, who was con-
vinced last night that Edwina was locked up in the
room alone with a man.
uYes, yes," cried Edwina, clapping her hands. "I
shall say that I saw she was worn out with the fatigues
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
251
of the day, and I was afraid of the effect it would have
upon her if a black man had suddenly appeared before
her. She may believe it or leave it/' added Edwina
defiantly.
Upon this Harold told her of the adventure he had
had in the night with Aunt Plummer, and he related it
so humorously that she laughed till the tears streamed
from her eyes.
It was further arranged that Harold should be intro-
duced to the servants before breakfast, and that they
were to be informed that he would live with them in
the kitchen while he remained in the house; and a bed
could be made up for him in the room Crumbs slept in.
Edwina was very reluctant to consent to the arrange-
ment; she stamped her little foot, and said it was a
degradation; but lie impressed upon her that there
was really no other course open, and that the kitchen
was the proper place for a nigger. He said, also, that
it would assist him in the scheme he was thinking of
to so thoroughly disgust Aunt Plummer as to cause her
to fly from the house and put an acceptable end to her
visit.
" How do you think you will get along with the ser-
vants, Harold ?" asked Edwina.
" Leab dat to me," he answered. " Dey'll be sorry
when I disappear, and mas'r comes back. You'll hearn
us laugh befo' long. I'll make 'em so fond ob me, Ed-
winah "
" Harold ! " she cried.
" In a c'rect way, Edwinah, in a puffectly c'rect way.
Dey'll help me in de idee I've got. I'se 'elined to 'mag-
ine Aunt Plummah'll be s'prised. Golly, how s'prised
she'll be!»
252
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
"You must have a name," said Edwina.
" Pete. Dat's my name—Pete."
While these important matters were being discussed
and settled Edwina had brought down the necessary
requisites, and Harold had washed himself. His great-
est difficulty was with his hair, which was woolly and
curly and very thick; but eventually he managed every-
thing, and, as he informed Edwina, was "ready for de
fray."
It was agreeable news to Edwina that Aunt Plum-
mer was slightly indisposed and would have her break-
fast in bed. Pete's introduction to the servants was
got through satisfactorily, and he had his breakfast
with them; and before long, as he had told Edwina,
she heard them laughing at him in the pleasantest way.
It was not exactly gratifying to her, but she was com-
pelled to bear it, and she prayed for the moment when
Harold would be restored to her once more.
"How do you like Pete?" she asked of Priscilla.
" He's the funniest nigger you ever saw, ma'am,"
said Priscilla, " and he's telling us such funny stories!
Crumbs and cook almost went into fits."
Edwina accounted for the absence of Harold by say-
ing he had gone out very early 011 important business,
and there was no saying when he would return; per-
haps before night, perhaps in a day or two. In the
course of the morning she saw Harold pass through
the grounds with Crumbs, and she wondered what the
neighbors would say when they saw him in his ridicu-
lous costume. She hoped the impulse would not seize
him to sing nigger songs in the streets to admiring
crowds. At eleven o'clock Aunt Plummer issued from
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
253
her bedroom, and when they were together in the sit-
ting-rooin Aunt Plummer asked Edwina whether she
had been disturbed in the night. Edwina answered
no, and asked in return :
" Why, aunt ? Were you ?"
" I was," replied Aunt Plummer, who had decided
what to say. " I heard a noise in the house, and I went
down to see if it was burglars, and discovered it was
your limb of a boy Crumbs playing some of his tricks."
" What kind of tricks, aunt?"
" He had blacked himself all over, even to his feet.
Training for a season on Margate sands, I presume.
The sooner you get rid of that imp the better. He is
a disgrace to the house."
" I have no intention of getting rid of him, Aunt
Plummer. We are very fond of him; he is a great
favorite with Harold."
"And where is Harold?" asked Aunt Plummer.
" One of your precious servants informed me that he
had gone out early this morning, while everybody was
asleep. What for, pray ?"
" He went out bird's-nesting," said Edwina, who could
think of no other excuse.
" Bird's-nesting! At his age ! "
" It is one of his favorite amusements," said Edwina
hurriedly, and quickly changed the subject. " I think
you must be mistaken about Crumbs blacking himself
all over."
"I saw him, Edwina, with my own eyes. You do
not know what is going on under your very nose."
" But we have a negro in the house, Aunt Plummer
—perhaps you don't know that."
254
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" A negro in the house ! " cried Aunt Plummer, rais-
ing her hands. " What next am I to hear, and what on
earth induced you to engage a black servant ?"
"We did not engage him, aunt. Grandma Dinah
sent him to us as a present."
" It is forty years," said Aunt Plummer, with her
stoniest glare, " since Grandma Dinah—whom you
never set eyes on, Edwina—was buried, and the place
she is in now may be full of black men for all I know,
but I do not think I should welcome a present of one
of them from those regions. Edwina, my patience is
almost exhausted. I have stood a good deal, but I
do not intend—no, I do not intend to swallow your
negro."
"No, aunt, of course not," said Edwina. "He might
object."
" Don't trifle with me, Edwina. Pay some respect to
your elders, if you have none for yourself. Am I, or
am I not, to receive an explanation of all these mys-
teries ? A woman who passes herself off as Grandma
Dinah, a forged telegram placed in my hands to decoy
me from the house, Crumbs and his myrmidons dis-
patched to Hampstead Heath for the express purpose
of making a fool of me, a doll as large as yourself
dressed intentionally in your clothes and set upon a
chair to deceive me, Harold at his age going out in the
middle of the night bird's-nesting, you locked up for
hours alone with a man "
" It was Pete," interrupted Edwina, " and I kept you
from seeing him for fear he would startle you."
"And now," continued Aunt Plummer, disdaining to
notice the interruption, "a present of a negro from a
woman who has been in her grave half a century. I
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
255
command yon, Edwina, to give me a satisfactory ex-
planation of these scandalous doings."
" Aunt Plummer," said Edwina, " I have no explana-
tion to give. You were unkind enough to tell Priscilla
that she was a depraved girl and that this is a depraved
house "
" And is it not ?" asked Aunt Plummer, appealing to
the viewless air.
"No," cried Edwina, "it is not; and if you were not
my aunt I should say you ought to be ashamed of
yourself for saying so. Haven't I enough to put up
with "
But here Edwina stopped and turned her head, with
a burning consciousness that she had allowed herself
to be carried away by her feelings, and that it was not
by speaking in this manner that she would best assist
Harold.
Aunt Plummer softened instantly. Edwina's evident
distress gave her hopes that she would at last pour her
sorrows into ears that thirsted (if such a metaphor may
be permitted) for the disclosure.
" I was wrong, Edwina," she said, " I confess it. I
ought not to have said that to the girl, and I did not
mean it. And now, my dear, confide in me, and tell
me everything."
"I have nothing to confide, aunt. You have apolo-
gized and confessed yourself in the wrong, and I am
satisfied."
It was a severe blow to Aunt Plummer; she had
been made to humiliate herself, and this was the return
she received for it. She looked sternly at Edwina, and
was silent. During the next few hours she and Edwina
were not the best of company. She was still deter-
256
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
mined not to give in, still resolved to pierce this mys-
tery, but for the life of her she could not see how she
could accomplish her object. There was no sign of
Harold; the two ladies had an early dinner, and were
polite to each other, Edwina gently and pleadingly,
Aunt Plummer drearily and freezingly. But if this
was the condition of the domestic atmosphere in the
upper part of the house, far different was it in the
lower. There jollity reigned. Harold had thoroughly
ingratiated himself with his fellow-servants, who one
and all agreed that such a merry, good-humored colored
man was never seen. He told them story after story,
sang snatches of songs, asked conundrums, and brimmed
over with fun. It was a perpetual entertainment—
" better," as cook said, wiping the laughing tears from
her eyes, "than any theaytre." Sounds of this merri-
ment floated to the room in which Edwina and Aunt
Plummer were sitting, and they were both consumed
with curiosity to know the why and the wherefore.
Aunt Plummer began to think that the policy of stand-
offishness which she had adopted was wrong; after all,
it would serve her better to be soft and wily instead of
stern and unbending.
" Let us be friends, Edwina," she said, holding out
her hand.
Edwina put hers into it instantly. "Yes, aunt, it is
so foolish to quarrel."
And peace was made. Edwina was sincere, Aunt
Plummer wTas inwardly as vicious as ever. The sounds
of merriment from below grew more boisterous, and
Aunt Plummer inquired if it was usual for the servants
to make such a noise, and whether it would not be
better for them to set about their work.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
257
" They have had their tea," replied Edwina, " and all
the work in the house is done. There is no harm in
their enjoying themselves. I have a good mind to go
down and join them."
She was yearning to be in the company of Harold,
black as he was; and Aunt Plummer, also, was longing
to witness the strange proceedings in the kitchen, and
to have a good long stare at Pete, of whom she had
only caught occasional glimpses during the day. But
she would not be precipitate; she would not betray
symptoms of curiosity.
" They are singing," said Edwina, and she threw open
the door and went into the passage, Aunt Plummer
following her.
Harold was singing the solos, and Priscilla, Mrs.
Lavender, and Crumbs joined in the choruses. The
verse that floated up to the listeners was:
" Jeru-salem, my happy home !
For I ain't got nothin' at all to do
But shout Jeru-salem!
Shout, sinners ! Shout Jeru-salem !"
Vigorous was the chorus:
" Shout, sinners ! Shout Jeru-salem !"
" He has a beautiful voice, has he not, aunt ?" asked
Edwina.
" I discern nothing beautiful in it," said Aunt Plum-
mer: she was relapsing into sternness. u Save us !
They have instruments ! "
This was clear enough. Banjo and bones were fran-
tically at work, and the performance was followed by
peals of laughter. Aunt Plummer and Edwina were
not aware of all that was going on below; they could
258
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
not see Crumbs peeping up the basement stairs through
the partly open kitchen door; they did not see him
shake his head at Harold, whose voice presently was
heard again:
" Git on de boat, chil'en,
Git on de boat, chil'en,
Git on de boat, chil'en,
And we will sail away.
I tho't I saw ole mas'r,
An' dis am what he say—
Git on de boat, chil'en,
An' we will sail away."
Chorus:
"Git on de boat, chil'en,
And we will sail away."
Edwina could not stand it any longer. " I am going
down," she said.
" I will accompany you," said Aunt Plnmmer.
Crumbs., with his eye at the door, turned and nodded
sharply to Harold, who immediately struck up with:
" I see de pooty angel wid de lubly hair,
I hear her fairy footstep on de kitchen stair;
Oh yes, she'll go to heab'n if eber she gits dere,
And castor-oil de angels in a golden chair."
It was only Harold who sang this time; the others
did not join in.
Aunt Plummer was petrified, and Edwina, who had
a suspicion that this was an act of premeditation on
Harold's part, trembled at his boldness.
" And castor-oil the angels ! " exclaimed Aunt Plum-
mer, recovering her voice. "It is profanity, and it is
aimed at me ! Atrocious, abominable ! "
She pushed past Edwina and flung open the kitchen
door, and as she did so she heard the lines: •
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
259
" Aunt Plummah is a daisy, a daisy lily white,
I took her on my knee, and she screamed out wid delight.
'Oh, you jolly nigger, you,' Aunt Plummah says to me,
'I feel jist like molasses when you hold me on your knee.'"
Facing Edwina and Annt Plnmmer sat the three
servants and Harold in a semicircle, Priscilla and Mrs.
Lavender in the middle, and Crumbs and Harold, one
with bones, the other with banjo, playing the role of
corner men.
" It is the last straw, Edwina," said Annt Plnmmer,
in an awful voice and with the prize glare of her life.
" Send one of your beautiful servants for a cab. I will
go up to my room and lock my box."
Edwina said no word, but giving Harold a look in
which reproof and relief were depicted, followed Aunt
Plummer, with a half-hearted intention of endeavoring
to persuade her not to leave. But Aunt Plummer cut
her short by saying:
"I will not listen to a word, Edwina. I have been
treated with the basest ingratitude, and a punishment
will fall upon you and Harold."
Her luggage was quickly made ready, and she called
peremptorily to the servants to carry her box to the
cab. Crumbs, having received no orders to fetch a
cab, had not moved from his seat, but Harold had
darted off, and the cab was now at the gate.
"You will shake hands, aunt?" said poor Edwina.
"Yes, I will shake hands," said Aunt Plummer, "but
I will not kiss you. I shall never forget how I have
been repaid for my efforts to make you happy."
Priscilla and Mrs. Lavender very willingly carried
Aunt Plummer's box to the cab. Crumbs had offered
to do it, but they thought it advisable that he should
260
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
not be seen by the lady, who had taken no pains to dis-
gnise the deep aversion she entertained toward him.
They were not acquainted with the adventure on Hamp-
stead Heath, that being a secret between Crumbs and
his master. "When they went back to the kitchen they
felt as if they had escaped from a dreadful nightmare.
" She's gone!" cried Priscilla, dancing about the
room. It was not in human nature that she should
not rejoice, for no honest girl can be expected to be
amiably inclined to a person who calls her a depraved
creature.
" Good riddance to bad rubbish," said Mrs. Lavender.
" It's a happy deliverance."
Edwina, having been forbidden by Aunt Plummer
to come any farther than the doorstep, stood there
looking after her. Harold stood at a little distance
from the cab, and the silent, glaring, withering adieu
of Aunt Plummer did not in the least discompose him.
His plans had succeeded. Now his poor Edwina would
have a little peace.
Had Aunt Plummer lingered one minute longer
before she entered her cab and was driven away, she
would have beheld something so startling that all that
had gone before would have faded into insignificance.
For Harold, putting up his hand to close the gate,
saw that it was white; he looked at his other hand,
and it was also white. With frenzied haste he rushed
to the house. Edwina was in the passage, and had left
the door open for him. He caught her round the waist,
so that she could not see his face.
" Edwina," he whispered, u where are the servants ?"
" In the kitchen," she answered. " Why, Harold ! "
—she saw the white hands in front of her.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
261
" Quick, Edwina, quick! " he exclaimed, releasing
her. " Look at me! "
She looked, and fell sobbing into his arms, but the
tears she shed were tears of joy.
"It is true, Edwina?" he asked eagerly.
"Yes," she replied, "it is true, it is true. Hold me
tight, Harold, hold me tight! "
"I intend to. By heavens! Some one is coming
out of the kitchen! "
Quick as lightning he caught her up and carried her
to the bedroom, where he quickly threw off his nigger
habiliments and was Edwina's own bright Harold once
more.
" Examine my features," he said, " my nose especially,
and tell me whether you see any change."
" There is no change. You are exactly as you were.
Oh, you dear boy! "
And now that their difficulties were at an end—for a
time at least—they again made light of the troubles
which had so deeply distressed them, and found nothing
but food for mirth in the perplexities which, during
their existence, had appeared almost overwhelming.
They recalled each incident, and saw only its humorous
side.
" I am afraid you made too free in the kitchen," said
Edwina.
" Not at all, love," Harold responded. " If I had not
won favor with Priscilla and Mrs. Lavender I don't
know where we should have been. Where I got my
stock of stories and anecdotes from is a mystery. I
could not repeat them now if my life depended on
it. Edwina, dear, we are equal. We have each gone
through the same number of transformations, though
262
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
your last one Avas more agreeable than mine. I am
glad it fell to me instead of you; if it had been the
other way it would have been altogether too awful.
Did you hate me very much ?"
" I was shocked and startled at first, Harold, but I
pitied you from my heart. I believe in the end I was
jealous of Priscilla."
" Because," he said, with twinkling eyes, " she is of
the apple-dumpling order of beauty ?"
"Well, perhaps that," Edwina admitted. "Priscilla
is a much prettier girl than Miss Mixture, and I have
heard that colored people are very susceptible."
They had a little fun over this, and they remained
for some time in their bedroom chatting and laughing,
and upon Edwina declaring that now she was really
and truly happy, Harold aired his philosophy, as he
had done after their first metamorphosis; but when he
asked Edwina whether she saw the application of his
wise remarks, she, being in the merriest of moods, said,
with an affectation of seriousness:
"Nothing applies, Harold. There never were two
people in the world who have undergone such advent-
ures as ours, and we are quite, quite alone in our ex-
periences. Take all the scientific societies, now. They
have meetings, do they not, and they discuss the most
knotty subjects, and go to the end of the world and
bring forth instances, and weigh, and measure, and
calculate, and compare, and in this way they settle
everything to their satisfaction. Well, we go to them
and say, 1 Here is a mystery for you, here is something
entirely new that you have never weighed, or measured,
or calculated, or compared. Settle it for us, explain it,
account for it.7 They would jump up and cry, 'Stuff,
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
263
nonsense, bosh!' Then what would become of your
philosophical reflections and their application ? They
would not listen to them."
"I would take my revenge, Edwina," said Harold,
" and I would not listen to them. If they would not
believe me I would not believe them, and when they
told me that the planet Saturn was exactly six thou-
sand four hundred and ninety-three billions of miles,
nine yards, four feet, and eleven and a half inches from
the top of St. Paul's steeple, I should say, ' Stuff, non-
sense, bosh !'"
"You would be quite right to do so, dear," said Ed-
wina, " and I would back you up. . I would say to them,
'Prove it; here is a tape-measure.' I should like to
know what they would do then."
So the fond couple rattled on until Harold, lifting
Edwina from his knee, said, "We must not remain here
talking any longer, darling. The servants must see
me, and we must say something to account for the dis-
appearance of Pete."
"Harold, dear," said Edwina, detaining him, "I am
sorry for Aunt Plummer, and I am not sure whether
we have behaved well to her."
"Then make yourself sure, Edwina," said Harold,
with severe conviction, " that she has been treated just
as she deserved to be. What did she come here at all
for, except to make herself as disagreeable and us as
unhappy as she possibly could ? Read the letters she
wrote to us, the advice she gave you, and the opinion
she expressed of me. Think of the pins and needles
she stuck in you while she was here ; think of the mis-
ery she would inflict upon us if she were in the house
at the present moment. She had no consideration for
264
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
us, and she deserved none herself; she had to be got
rid of, or Heaven knows what difficulties she would
have plunged us into. She is very angry with us, I
dare say, but we can make it all right with her when
Christinas comes; we will send her a handsome pres-
ent; that will mollify her. Bat, Edwina, I never wish
to see her again. If all aunts were Aunt Plummers,
half the uncles in the world would fly to drink, or have
to be confined in lunatic asylums."
They went downstairs, and before they had time to
ring for Priscilla she presented herself. She started
when she saw her master, who gave her a friendly nod
and a friendly good-evening.
" Good-evening, sir," she answered, and then to her
mistress, "Am I to make a bed for Pete in Crumbs'
room, ma'am ? He said he was going to sleep there."
Harold replied for Edwina: " Pete will not sleep in
the house to-night, Priscilla. I have sent him away."
" Sent him away, sir! " exclaimed Priscilla.
" Yes. I came home as Mrs. Plummer drove off, and
hearing what had occurred I thought it as well to send
Pete back to our grandmother. Perhaps I should tell
you, Priscilla, that I do not quite approve of the enter-
tainment in the kitchen. I like to see you enjoying
yourselves, but I think this was going rather too far."
"Don't scold Priscilla," interposed Edwina. "It
was my fault. She understood from me that Pete was
something more than an ordinary servant "
"Yes, we did, ma'am," said Priscilla, "and he gave
us to understand as much himself, and said he had
master's permission for everything he did."
"I cannot deny it, Priscilla," said Harold, coughing,
" and I ought to find fault with myself and not with
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
265
you. It was I who went too far. Pete was such an
exceedingly nice colored man that I was quite taken
with him."
" So were we all, sir. If I hadn't seen it I would
never have believed that a nigger could be so superior.
Mrs. Lavender said that if it wasn't for his color she
wouldn't have minded having him for her second."
"You don't mean to say," cried Edwina, "that he
proposed to her ?"
"Oh no, ma'am; he didn't go that fur, but Mrs.
Lavender was getting very sweet on him."
Harold could hardly preserve his gravity as he said,
"It is a good job he is out of the house, or we might
have lost a very good cook."
Priscilla subsequently in the kitchen declared that
she never did see such a house as Rosamund Bower
was for people suddenly appearing and disappearing.
" It's just like a Jack-in-the-box," she said.
CHAPTER XXII.
a day of delight.
After the agitating events of the last few days Har-
old and Edwina felt the need of repose. They locked.
Mr. Wottisnot's snuff-box in the wardrobe, and, devot-
ing themselves to other matters, tried to forget all
about it. One of the first places they visited was Mrs.
Crumbs' toy and sweetstuff shop; the windows were
prettily set out, and looked very attractive. Some lit-
tie children were gazing at the toys and candies with
longing eyes, and Edwina gave them four sixpences
and all the coppers she and Harold could muster to go
in and buy what they wished for. While they were
making their purchases the young couple entered.
" Don't disturb yourself, Mrs. Crumbs," said Harold.
" Attend to your customers first. We're glad to see
you doing business."
There were two counters in the shop; at one Bath-
sheba was weighing some sweets, at the other Mrs.
Crumbs was exhibiting her toys to the little customers,
who, in a state of bliss, presently departed.
Mrs. Crumbs was happy and contented, and in reply
to their inquiries said that all the young Crumbses, with
the exception of Bathsheba and the last pair of twins,
were at school. The stories she had to relate of Bis-
larch's cleverness, of the wonderful things Cockles
said, and the clever things Montrose and Benjie did,
266
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
267
of the amazing strides Alexander and Maryjane were
making, and the favorite with everybody that Alexan-
dria was, were poured into sympathetic ears. Mrs.
Crumbs was doing a nice business and was getting
quite a connection; and a most extraordinary thing
had occurred to her. A lady had sent her an order
for five pounds' worth of toys, which were to be taken
to the Institution for Crippled Children, and had actu-
ally paid for them beforehand.
" There was a five-pound note in the letter," she said.
" Who can the lady be ?" As she asked the question
she turned her face from Edwina and Harold, and
busied herself arranging some toys on a shelf.
"I wonder!" said Edwina. "Don't you, Harold?
You sent the toys, Mrs. Crumbs?"
" They went this morning," replied Mrs. Crumbs.
"It was such a wholesale order that I hardly knew
what to do about it, or what kind of toys to select; so
I went to the Institution and spoke to the gentleman
there, and between us we made out a list. He said
that a blessing would rest upon the head of the lady,
whoever she was, and I said, Amen." Her voice trem-
bled as she spoke, and she never looked at her kind
friends.
Presently she said that there was something on her
mind she would like to mention; it was about the
money that had been laid out for her, and how she
should repay it.
" Oh," said they, " we don't want it back. We made
you a present of it."
Mrs. Crumbs replied that she knew they did not want
it back, but that it would not be right for her to keep
it if she could afford to return it.
268
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" But can you ?" they asked.
" If things go on as they're going on now," she said,
" I think I can, little by little. We commenced to keep
accounts last week, and I wish you would look over
them, sir. Bathsheba does them, and you can see
whether she adds up correctly."
They smiled at each other, and Harold said gravely,
"We will look over them," and he ran his eye over the
figures, and said, in a Chancellor-of-the-Exchequer kind
of voice, " Quite correct, quite correct. Why, Mrs.
Crumbs, I see that you took eight pounds three last
week."
" Yes, sir, and there was two pound fifteen and nine-
pence profit on what we sold. Take off one pound four
for the rent—here it is, sir, done up in paper, and I
hope you won't mind the coppers and threepenny bits—
and that leaves one pound eleven and ninepence. Bath-
sheba reckoned it all up—such a head as she has for
figures! It cost seventeen and fourpence to keep the
house, and there's fourteen and fivepence clear profit,
after paying for everything. Please take it, sir, and
reckon it off."
"No, Mrs. Crumbs," said Edwina, "you will want
the money to buy fresh stock with."
"Begging your pardon, ma'am, I had five pounds
seven and threepence left out of the money I took, and
I bought fresh stock with that. It's the profit I want
you to take."
But Edwina shook her head.
"Anything in the shape of figures, Mrs. Crumbs,"
said Harold, " always makes my wife feel quite faint.
See how pale she has turned "
" Oh, my dear lady! " cried Mrs. Crumbs in alarm.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
269
"There's nothing the matter with me, dear Mrs.
Crumbs," said Edwina, shaking her head now with
extreme severity at Harold. " How can you frighten
her so ? It is only, Mrs. Crumbs, that I am not fond
of figures. My husband," she added slyly, "revels in
them. It requires a man to grapple with such stupen-
dous accounts. Harold, grapple with them instantly."
Thus enjoined, Harold pretended to study the figures,
and then said that he quite appreciated Mrs. Crumbs'
desire to feel that the stock in the shop was paid for
with her own money, but that he was determined not
to touch the profits till they amounted to five pounds,
out of which he would take one third, leaving the re-
maining two thirds for Mrs. Crumbs to increase her
stock with.
" For of course," he said, " we wish you to have in
time a larger and better shop than this, and in a richer
neighborhood, where the nobility can deal with you.
Our desire is that by and by your shop shall become
an emporium."
Mrs. Crumbs opened her eyes at this magnificent
word, which, in the vision of grandeur it conveyed to
her senses, may be said to have suggested nothing less
resplendent than the glories of Yuen-min-Yuen, the
superb and gorgeous summer palace of the emperors
of China.
Mrs. Crumbs was compelled to acquiesce in the ar-
rangement, but when Harold wanted to treat the money
for the rent in the same manner she pleadingly in-
sisted that it would not be fair and honest in her to
consent, and her distress was so manifest that he did
not force it upon her.
"We can never be sufficiently grateful to Mr. Wot-
270
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
tisnot," said Edwina, as they walked home, " for paying
us that eventful visit. If it had not been for him we
should not have been able to put Mrs. Crumbs in busi-
ness. To have set up—I have heard you use the ex-
pression, Harold—a family so deserving is worth some
small sacrifice on our part, especially when that sacri-
fice leaves us no worse than we were before. Harold,
you must take me to some nice theater this evening."
He did so, and in the course of the week he took her
to other theaters, and they had a very gay time. Then
Edwina expressed a wish to pay another visit to Mrs.
Crumbs.
"We will go this evening after dinner," she said,
" and we will give them a surprise."
" In what shape, Edwina f "
"We will invite all the dear children to spend a jolly
day with us at the Crystal Palace."
" A capital idea," said Harold.
This second visit was a greater pleasure to them than
the first, and they saw a picture for which they were
not prepared. The shop was shut, and in the little
sitting-room were assembled the whole of the Crumbs
family, and every man Jack of them was employed in
mending broken toys and dressing dolls. Even Mon-
trose and Bismarck, squatting upon a carpet of news-
paper sheets on the floor, were busy, under the direc-
tion of Benjie and Cockles, with paste and colored
paper and thin slips of wood. The elder children were
sitting round the table in a state of proud industry,
with gum-pot, sharp pocket-knives, scissors, and needles
and thread. Alexander had just finished a windmill,
which worked much better than it did before it was
broken, and was holding it up to an admiring audience,
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
271
when Harold and Edwina entered. Yon might search
London through, and you would not have found a
busier or a happier family.
So thought Edwina and Harold, and they were so
strongly stirred to emulation that they immediately
petitioned to be admitted into the ranks of busy bees.
They were received with acclaim, and room being made
for them at the table they set to work with a will, Har-
old with his coat off, and Edwina with one of Bath-
sheba's aprons on. Bathsheba was almost as tall as
Edwina, and the apron, with its neat bib up to her
neck, fitted her to a T, the wearer said. She looked
very much like a doll as she sat making a fancy dress
for one in her lap, only it is to be doubted whether, in
or out of childhood's fairyland, so sweet a doll as Ed-
wina was ever seen. As she worked she sang in her
sweet, melodious voice the songs she liked best, and all
the children stopped to listen to her, and gazed at her
with worshiping eyes. A fig on your opera-houses and
your grand operas! A fig on your St. James's Hall
concerts ! Here was a singer charming the hearts and
filling with rapture the souls of a spellbound audience,
who could not have been learning a holier lesson if
they had been in church. Patti herself would have
been glad of such an audience, and Patti herself would
have rejoiced at such an opportunity of gladdening the
hearts of the Crumbs family.
The proposal for a day at the Crystal Palace was
gravely proposed by Harold and seconded by Edwina
(who was growing quite familiar with public-meeting
business), and the children having been instructed into
the mysteries of voting ay or nay, waved dolls that
almost spoke aloud in their enthusiasm, pulled the
272
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
strings of windmills that yearned to grind flour for all
the poor people in the land, and blew trumpets that
proclaimed the glad news to all the admiring world.
"Then it is settled," said Edwina j "the day after to-
morrow. Mind yon don't oversleep yourselves."
When she and Harold had taken their departure,
Mrs. Crumbs said to her children:
" My dears, there are angels on earth as well as in
heaven."
They nodded solemnly and went to bed, and dreamed
of these earthly angels, the good women who make the
world beautiful.
What a busy time they had getting ready! The
mending of clothes, the cutting of hair, the washing,
the scrubbing, the running to the street door every
minute to see if to-morrow would be fine, the prayers
before they went to bed that the rain, rain would keep
away, and come again another day! And it did, and
the youngsters leaped from their beds with cries of joy
and exultation.
They did not go down by rail, not they! A break,
with champing horses, conveyed them from their dwell-
ing to the realms of dazzling delight, and all the neigh-
bors came out to see, and gazed admiringly at Edwina
and Harold, who wore flowers, and at the coachman,
who also wore a flower in his button-hole. Edwina
had tried to persuade Mrs. Crumbs to go, but she would
not close her shop.
"Do you think I shan't enjoy myself?" she said to
Edwina, who sighed wistfully at the thought of leaving
her behind. " Why, I shall be thinking of you all day
long, and my heart will be as light as a feather! "
Handkerchiefs were waved to her by her children as
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
273
she stood by the shop door, looking after them as they
drove away, and she raised her grateful eyes to heaven,
and went about her work, singing snatches of Edwina's
favorite songs. The best of it is, she did a good day's
business. From all the surrounding thoroughfares
came customers, big and little, to spend their coppers,
and hear about the beautiful lady who had " taken Mrs.
Crumbs and her family up."
"You're a lucky woman," said her grown-up cus-
tomers.
" Indeed I am," she responded. " I don't know what
I've done to deserve it."
Crumbs was one of the party of excursionists, and
the spirits and fun of the lad were something wonder-
ful. He kept them all alive with his jokes, and his
eyes never wandered from Edwina and Harold, to an-
ticipate their lightest wish. They had lemonade on
the way, and Madeira cake, to sustain fainting nature.
Even the coachman did not disdain a slice, but ate it
like an ordinary mortal.
Blow, sweet air, and kiss the cheeks of the happy
party as they stroll through the grounds of the Crystal
Palace. Shine upon them, clouds of tender blue and
white, and keep the joy in their hearts. They saw
everything that was worth seeing, and heard every-
thing that was worth hearing. At two o'clock Harold
said, "Are you ready for dinner?" Were they ready?
What a question! He had made arrangements for the
meal, and they sat all together at a round table. They
had hot roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, and more
hot roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, and gingerbeer
to wash it down, and cherry pie, and golden jelly that
shook and trembled in the glasses with fear at what
274
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
was going to happen to it, and every child topped up
with ice-cream and plum-cake. After dinner there was
a little mishap, hut it was over in a few minutes. Mon-
trose and Bismarck were missing they had slipped off
when nobody was looking, and had toddled away by
themselves. They were found after a short search in
the antediluvian department, sitting 011 the ground,
and howling at the monstrous animals, which they
were convinced intended to make a meal off them.
Their agitated souls were soothed by chocolate creams
and more gingerbeer. Then came new sights and
entertainments, and, after a suitable interval, tea—and
then came the fireworks. Joy upon joy—wonder upon
wonder—rapture upon rapture! The fireworks over,
they all got into the break and were driven home. It
was a fine night. The 3roung moon showed its silver
horn; the skies were filled with restless," flashing stars,
shedding divine light and harmony upon them. Long
before they reached home Bismarck and Montrose were
asleep, and Benjie and Cockles were nodding.
Mrs. Crumbs was looking out for them, and she came
forward, radiant, to lift the children down. She had
a cup of tea ready for Edwina and Harold, and as they
knew it would disappoint her if they did not drink it,
they went in for a quarter of an hour, and listened to
the children's confused and enraptured descriptions of
the day of delight. It was, " O mother, we saw "
and, 11 0 mother, and then " Bismarck and Mon-
trose were wide awake again.
" How did you like it, Bismarck ?" asked Edwina.
"Boo'ful," said Bismarck, and confined himself to
that one word, which is more than his great namesake
would have done. But the great man would not have
something occurred.
275
objected to the kisses which Edwina bestowed upon
the mite. Then, with good-nights all round, Edwina
and Harold went home to their well-earned repose.
There was a letter on the table for Harold, and he
opened and read it:
" ' My dear Sir : It is in your power to do an act of
charity. I am a stranger to you, but I do not hesitate
to address you, and I do not doubt that you will listen
to my appeal, which is made on behalf of a suffering
child, who is placed in a position of peculiar difficulty,
and upon whom you can confer a blessing. If you will
kindly call upon me to-morrow or the following day,
between the hours of twelve and five, or if you will
permit me to call upon you at any hour you may name,
I shall esteem it a great favor. With deep respect,
believe me, dear sir, to be very truly yours,
" < William Reynolds.'
" I do not know Mr. Reynolds, Edwina," said Harold,
" but we will call and see him to-morrow."
Then they went to bed.
CHAPTER XXIII.
unto these and such as these.
The Rev. William Reynolds was a poor clergyman,
living his life and doing his work in one of the poorest
districts in the east end of London. He had deliber-
ately marked ont this path for himself, and had delib-
erately set aside the chances of preferment which had
been open to him in the course of his career, believing
that he could do more good among the poor than among
the rich. Small as was his stipend, he not only made
it sufficient for his wants, but managed to spare some
portion of it to assist the struggling mortals by whom
he was surrounded. Hundreds and hundreds of times
had he dined on lentils in order that he might furnish
a meal for a family in want. Of these and of number-
less other acts of devotion which studded his life with
jewels more precious than ever decked a crown, he
never spoke. He was a true priest, and he performed
his duties in God's own way. If he ever looked for-
ward to a reward for his indefatigable labors, it was
not upon this world that his eyes were directed.
He received Edwina and Harold in a threadbare
coat, and he regarded them with curiosity and interest;
after thanking them for their prompt reply to his letter,
he proceeded to speak of the subject upon which he had
ventured to address them.
" I called at the Institution for Crippled Children a
276
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
277
day or two ago," lie said, " and I heard that you had a
presentation of which yon have not availed yourself.
I would not step in the way of another poor child, but
if you are not already pledged you will perhaps listen
favorably to what I have to say on behalf of one who
is in sore need of proper treatment and care."
" Indeed we are ready to listen," said Harold, " and
we shall feel greatly indebted to you if you will put us
in the way of doing a little good."
The poor minister brightened at this answer, and he
gazed with increasing interest upon the young couple,
whose faces were flushed with tender animation.
" It is a poor boy," he said, " who is scarcely able to
walk. He met with an injury to his hip bone, and will
shortly be left entirely unprotected."
Edwina's lips quivered as Harold asked, " Has he no
parents ?"
" He has a father."
" Is his father going away, that the poor lad will be
left alone ?"
"Yes," replied Mr. Eeynolds, and there was a deeper
significance in his tone, " his father is going away, but
even then he will not be quite alone. He has a sister."
" Who is too young to look after her brother," said
Harold. "Yes, I understand."
" She is ten years old, and she is blind."
" O Harold," said Edwina piteously, " what can we
do for themf We must help them at once."
"We will, dear. But Mr. Eeynolds will tell us why
the father is going to leave his children."
" God is calling for him," said the poor minister, in
a gentle tone.
"I beg your pardon, sir," said Harold sadly, and
278
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
Edwina covered her eyes with her hand. " Yon have
only to show us what we can do for the poor children.
Can we see their father ?"
"I will tell you his story first," said the minister;
"it is right that you should hear it, for then you will
be better able to judge and decide. His name is Stacey,
and a good many years ago he was a favorite clown in
the provinces. It was only during the pantomime sea-
son that he could obtain engagements, and he believed
he had talents that could be put to advantage at other
times of the year. His ambition was to get to London,
where there would be a wider field for him, and he was
greatly excited one evening when he was told that a
London manager was in the theater. Hoping to attract
the manager's notice he exerted himself to please, and
in the course of the performance he was told that the
influential gentleman had made inquiries about him.
This caused him to redouble his exertions, and in mak-
ing a leap when those behind the scene were not ready
to catch him he fell and broke his ankle, and received
other injuries which rendered him incapable of contin-
uing his engagement. This, of course, put an end to
his hopes of receiving an offer for a London theater.
He had a long illness, and when he was able to get
about again he was as poor as a church mouse." The
minister accompanied these words with a smile of gen-
tie pity, as though the figure of speech had some appli-
cation to himself. " I am speaking of nine years ago,"
he continued, " when he had these two little children
dependent upon him. The girl had been born blind,
but the boy was not afflicted in any way. The mother
was alive, but did not live long after her husband's
convalescence, so that very soon the widowrer had to
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
279
fight the battle of life alone. It was a hard fight. Per-
haps you do not know how terrible such a struggle is
to some unfortunate people, and are not familiar with
the heroism to be found among the ranks of the lowly.
Mr. Stacey has proved himself a hero in the highest
sense of the term, but fortune has been against him;
from the night of his mishap in the theater his life has
been a chapter of accidents. Rendered incapable of
accepting engagements as a pantomime clown, he be-
came a patter clown in a traveling circus, but he was
not a success in his new line, because a little tumbling
is required to make a circus clown's jokes go down with
the rough audiences to be met with in small country
places. The proprietor of the circus spoke to him
seriously about this, and Stacey, fearful of losing his
engagement, attempted some acrobatic feats, and broke
his ankle again. This made matters worse, and he fell
into deeper poverty. It is hard to say how he kept
body and soul together; he certainly could not have
done so had he not received much kindness from the
members of the dramatic profession, in which will be
found perhaps a larger and readier benevolence than
is to be met with in most other callings. He was
allowed to travel with the circus people, and he made
himself useful in looking after the cattle, but he was
not a capable hand, and was therefore not placed upon
the salary list. He and his children had their meals
with the company, and that was something. I will not
harrow you with a full account of his trials and suffer-
ings; what I am telling you, and what you are still to
hear, will give you a sufficient insight into them. After
a time he conceived a bold idea. A traveling circus is
a poor show, and its chance of drawing paying audi-
280
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
ences would be very small without its cage of lions.
There were lions attached to this circus, and Stacey
made it now the study of his life to become friends
with them. The lion-tamer, a strong man with a won-
derful nerve, regarded his endeavor with a favorable
eye, and initiated him into the mysteries of his calling;
and Stacey often went into the cage with him. For
my own part, I think the performances which these
lion-tamers put the animals through to win applause
are of a dangerous kind, and should not be allowed;
but this is a mere opinion, and much may be said on
the other side. The principal and most attractive
feature of the lion-tamer's performance in the circus
in which Stacey was allowed to travel was to make the
animals jump through a hoop of fire; this, accompa-
nied, as it always was, by the roaring of the lions, sent
the audience home in a state of pleasurable excitement,
and paved the way for a profitable business on the sue-
ceeding visit. One night, when the circus was full, the
lion-tamer fell ill, and as he could not go into the cage
Stacey volunteered to take his place. The proprietor,
who had observed his familiarity with the animals,
asked him whether he felt himself equal to putting
them through their usual performance, and he answered
with confidence that he was quite equal to it. When
he has related the story to me I have asked myself
whether he really did have so much confidence in him-
self, or whether he undertook the task under the influ-
ence of a desperate endeavor to earn a few shillings to
provide clothes for his children, who were literally in
rags. However it was, when the time arrived he entered
the cage with a bold heart, and the lions obeyed his call,
leaping at the word of command, and lying down and
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
281
allowing him to sit on them and caress them. Then
came the hoop of fire, and a lioness, instead of leaping
through it, leaped upon the poor man and fixed her
talons in him. The audience shrieked and fled, and
the animals, frenzied by the sight and smell of blood,
attacked Stacey furiously. When he was dragged from
the cage he was in a dreadful condition, and had to be
taken to a hospital, where he lay for months between
life and death. His wounds were healed, but he became
a wreck. By some means he managed to beg his way,
with his young children, to London, and in this city of
startling contrasts he has lived for the last four years,
eking out a miserable existence by selling penny toys
in the streets. His daughter, being hopelessly blind,
can do nothing in the shape of work; and it was only
because he was driven, poor fellow, as hard as ever
mortal was, that he consented to his son being trained
as an acrobat. The proposal was made to him by a
man who had been in the same circus as himself, and
the boy was willing. A few months ago the little chap
had a nasty fall, and was compelled to return home—
if home it can be called—a cripple, with a poor chance,
I am afraid, of being set right again. The last page in
the father's life is reached. For some weeks past he
has been lying at death's door, and it is open now to
receive him. That is all."
There was a clock in the room, and when the minis-
ter paused its tick sounded in Harold's and Edwina's
ears like the tick of death. The tears were running
down Edwina's face, and Harold's eyes were full. Pres-
ently she wiped her tears away and rose.
" Dear sir," she said, in a low tone, "let us go to the
poor man and his children, and tell us what we ought
282
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
to take with us. We can spare money for everything
that is wanted, and the poor boy shall go to the Insti-
tntion, where they may be able to cure him. I shall
pray for it, sir, indeed I shall."
"Dear lady," said the minister, taking her hand,
" Heaven will reward you. I wrote to you in a happy
hour, and when I put my letter in the post I prayed a
blessing on it. Mr. Stacey has not long to live, the
doctor says, two or three days at the most; the news
you will convey to him will gladden his heart and
lighten his last hours on earth. You can give him,
besides, a great joy. Through all his troubles he has,
until a fortnight ago, clung to one precious possession,
a ring his wife gave him on her deathbed. It was too
small to go on his finger, so he wore it fastened to a
piece of tape round his neck. This ring he was com-
pelled to part with, and I have seen his fingers wander
to his breast in search of it, and then a look of anguish
on his face at not finding it. I have the ticket, and
I would have taken it out myself, but I grieve to say I
could not spare even the four shillings which his crip-
pled son obtained upon it. It would be a sweet com-
fort to him if this ring were once more placed around
his neck."
Edwina's mouth trembled; her bosom rose and fell;
the thought that four shillings would bring a great joy
to a dying man filled her soul with awe.
" O Harold ! " she sobbed, putting her arms round his
neck. " Oh, my dear, my dear! "
Harold kept her in his embrace. "We will get it,
sir," he said, " before we go to him. Should we not buy
some fruit and wine ?"
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
283
"Yes," said the minister, with brimming eyes; "we
can get them on onr way."
In a little back room, on some old sacks on the floor,
lay the dying man, asleep; his two children sat by his
side. The ministering angels entered very quietly, and
Edwina, with gentle, pitying hand, tied the love token
ronnd his neck. Then she kissed the worn and patient
face, and sat on the floor and took the blind girl in her
lap. The child, with a sigh, nestled to the gentle heart;
she felt the tonch of a spiritual hand. The minister
gave both the children food and a little wine, and
motioned them to silence. They were very white, and
in the poorest rags, and the crippled boy gazed with
wonder at these Heaven-sent friends.
Patient as was the face of the sleeping man, there
was stamped upon it an expression of deepest suffering;
life's sands were running down, and they could scarcely
hear his breathing. Presently his thin hand wandered
to his breast and touched the ring, and an audible sigh
of joy escaped his lips. His hand was now hidden
from their sight, but they knew that his fingers had
closed upon the treasure. There was a quiver on his
eyelids.
" Are you awake, Mr. Stacey ?" whispered the min-
ister.
He opened his eyes, and turned them upon those who
were clustered by his bed.
" They are friends," said the minister, " who come to
bring you good news. Can you drink a little wine ?"
Edwina, setting the blind girl on the floor, passed
her arm round his neck and raised his head till it
rested on her breast. The minister put the wine to
284
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
his lips. He drank a few drops, with difficulty, not so
much from physical weakness, but from an oppression
of incredulous wonder. When the minister took the
glass away the dying man turned his eyes upward to
Edwina's face.
"You have your ring again, Mr. Stacey," said the
minister; " these good friends brought it to you. They
are going to put your boy in an institution where he
may be cured—not to-day," his voice grew very grave,
" by and by. That is good news, is it not ?"
But Mr. Stacey did not remove his eyes from Ed-
wina's face.
"And your little girl," said Edwina, "we will take
care of her, if you will allow us."
" My God! " he murmured, and he lifted his head
from Edwina's breast and turned his face to the wall.
The exclamation came from an overcharged heart.
The manna for which he had been hungering for years
had fallen at last; his children would not be left to die.
Edwina and Harold did not remain with him longer
than a few minutes. When they bent over him and
wished him good-day he pressed their hands, and tried
to speak, but could not. At length he said, in a voice
broken by emotion:
" I shall take the message to their mother."
Before they left the house they hired a woman to
attend to him and to the children, and they gave her
money to pay for what was necessary.
" I should like to send a good doctor to him," said
Harold to the minister as they walked out of the nar-
row court.
" A doctor attends him regularly," said the minister,
" without charge. He is a poor man's doctor, and
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
285
medical skill could do no more for him than is being
done."
"The world is full of good people," murmured
Edwina.
Then they explained as well as they could what their
wishes were. Harold would go at once to the Institu-
tion for Crippled Children and arrange for the admis-
sion of the boy, for whom decent clothing was to be
purchased. The blind girl, also, must have proper
clothes, and the family must be kept in comfort. They
gave the minister money, and he said he would attend
to everything.
"You understand," he said, "that the lad cannot
leave his father immediately. Perhaps in six or eight
days."
They nodded, and were silent awhile.
"We will endeavor to get the poor girl," said Harold,
" also into an institution for blind children."
"But we will decide nothing now about her, dear,"
said Edwina. "We may be able to take care of her at
home."
" Yes, Edwina," said Harold, " if you wish."
They bade the minister good-by, and said they would
come again to-morrow, he on his part promising to send
them news, if there was anything to tell. Edwina
shook hands with him, and walked a step or two
forward.
" Your life is blessed," said the minister to Harold,
gazing after her.
At ten o'clock that night he paid them a visit in
Rosamund Bower.
" I thought you would not mind my calling at so late
an hour," he said; " it is easier for me than to write
286
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
a letter. Mr. Stacey has gone to his rest. He died
happy, and was conscions to the last. He asked me to
give yon this. He wrote it himself."
He handed Edwina an envelope, which she opened
tremblingly. It contained the ring, and on a sheet of
paper was written in straggling letters :
"From a grateful heart. God guard and protect
you! "
" Poor man ! " said Edwina, with solemn tenderness.
" It should be buried with him."
" No," said the minister, " he wished you to have it.
He blessed you both with his dying breath, and God
heard him."
Harold accompanied the minister to the gate, and
asked whether he could be of any service if he called
upon him to-morrow.
"None," replied the minister. "I shall know what
to do. Death and sorrow come regularly to me; but
here," he added, as he wrung Harold's hand, " there
was death and joy. Good-night."
Harold and Edwina followed Mr. Stacey to his grave,
and dropped flowers on his coffin, and later in the week
the crippled boy entered the Institution. Nothing yet
was decided about the blind girl. They wished to con-
sider the course that would be best for her. Mean-
while they requested the minister to place her in a com-
fortable home, and they made themselves responsible
for everything.
" How little we know of life," said Edwina to Harold.
"We must do better in the future, dear."
CHAPTER XXIY.
the last pinch of snuff.
A quiet fortnight followed, and the agitation into
which the incident had thrown them had subsided into
a feeling of gentle pity. They paid visits to the Insti-
tution to see the crippled boy, and to the home which
the minister had provided for the blind girl, and they
took messages from one to the other, comforting mes-
sages, for the surgeons who attended the Institution
gave hopes that the lad might be set right in time.
The family with whom the girl was living had grown
fond of her, and said that she was clever in many ways,
and that it would not be difficult to teach her useful
things. *To witness the brightening of the boy's face
when he saw them, and to feel that the girl had already
learned, by some subtle instinct, to know when Edwina
was present even before she spoke, was a rich reward
for their kindness, and they felt themselves well repaid.
One evening, when they were sitting quietly at home,
Edwina said:
"Have you noticed anything in Priscilla lately?"
" Nothing particular," replied Harold. " I hope she
is not going to give notice."
" No," said Edwina, " I don't think we shall lose her
—yet."
The slight pause before the last word aroused Har-
old's curiosity.
" Tell me about it, Edwina."
287
288
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Well, Harold, as you yourself have more than once
remarked, Priscilla is very pretty, and she is a young
woman, and young women, you know "
" You are not going to tell me that there is anything
between Crumbs and her! "
" Don't be ridiculous, Harold; Crumbs is only a boy.
Young women want some one they can look up to."
" Did you look up to me, Edwina?"
" Certainly I did, and you have turned out just as I
expected—no, better than I expected, for I really did
not know you were so clever as you have proved your-
self to be."
" Thank you, love."
" The way," continued Edwina, " in which you have
managed to get us out of all our difficulties is simply
amazing. When everything is over you must really do
something, and give yourself a chance."
"When everything is over, Edwina?"
"Yes, there is something hanging over us, is there
not?"
"Oh, Mr. Wottisnot. I was almost forgetting. We
have to take another dip in the lucky bag."
" And until that is done, Harold," said Edwina, " we
are, as I think one of us has remarked before, no better
than slaves. I want to feel that we really and truly
belong to ourselves, and I shall not be able to feel so
till we have taken the last step."
Harold, being very much at his ease, evinced an in-
clination to shirk the subject, and said:
" You were speaking about Priscilla. Is she keeping
company with any one? By the way," interrupting
himself, "when you engaged her did you say, 'No fol-
lowers allowed' ?"
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
289
" I did not; I would not be so inconsiderate. Of
course a pretty girl will have followers; it is only
natural." She looked up with a merry smile. " Did I
not have them ?"
" You did, love; but I soon made short work of them."
"You vain boy! If we were to commence all over
again " She paused, tantalizingly.
"Yes, Edwina ? If we were to commence all over
again "
" I should do just the same."
"And so should I." He gave her a comfortable
squeeze. "And still you will not go on about Priscilla."
" Because of your interruptions and your pretending
not to understand. You are as bad as Aunt Plummer."
" I hope not. Is it the baker ? He is young, but he
has a mustache coming."
"It is not the baker, nor the butcher, nor, as dear
Uncle Theophilus said, the candlestick-maker. It is a
policeman."
" 'A p'liceman's wife, a p'liceman's wife I'd be,'" sang
Harold. " Which policeman, Edwina ?"
"You remember the one who called on us about
Crumbs and the hard-boiled eggs ?"
" While memory holds a seat in this distracted brain,"
said Harold, who was in a sportive humor, " I shall not
forget him. He was in the X division, No. 317."
"He was a day policeman then, Harold. He is a
night policeman now, and he guards Rosamund Bower
while Priscilla is sleeping."
Harold commenced to sing "Come where my love
lies dreaming." Edwina clapped her hand over his
mouth.
" Will you be sensible, you interruptory boy! This
290
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
is a serious subject, and I take the greatest interest in
it. Two or three times lately I have observed Priscilla
and him talking at the gate."
"Yon don't say so ! You should deduct it from her
wages."
" Shall I ever get on ?" exclaimed Edwina, pretend-
ing to be in despair.
"You shall—straight on. But, Edwina, when that
policeman paid us a visit he and Priscilla did not ap-
pear to agree very well. He ordered her out of the
room, and he spoke to her as if he had a very low opin-
ion of her."
" That," observed Edwina sagely, " according to some
people, is a sign of love."
" Oh," said Harold, " I was not aware of the symp-
torn."
" Other people were present, remember. It is only
when sweethearts are alone that they show their affec-
tion. For instance, are you in the habit of embracing
me in the presence of Crumbs ? It would make the
poor boy uneasy; he would not know which way to
look. Besides," she said archly, "he might want to do
it himself. And how would you feel if I were contin-
ually throwing my arms round your neck and kissing
you before all the servants ? That proves it."
" I do not see exactly what it proves, Edwina, but if
you are satisfied, I am. Then you think that Priscilla
and Constable 317 of the X division are courting?"
" I should not at all wonder if it were the case. I
hope she will be happy, though I must say I doubt
whether she can be, with a husband who stops out all
night, and comes home in the morning to go to bed.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
291
Young women do not consider these things in a proper
light."
"We will not bother our heads about it. After all,
he may be a married man, with a large family; police-
men are terrible flirts."
" I shall make it my business," said Edwina, greatly
shocked at this suggestion, " to ascertain whether it is
so. If he is married I shall go to Scotland Yard and
put a stop to it; and I shall consider it my duty to
warn Priscifla."
"I would not say anything to her upon the subject
if I were you. Let us think of our own affairs, Edwina.
You threw out a—a feeler, shall I call it?—about our
obligation to Mr. Wottisnot. Do you really mean that
you would like to discharge it before the time comes
round ?"
" If I can only keep my courage up," replied Edwina,
beginning to tremble, " I should wish to get it over to-
night. O Harold, it is like going to have a tooth out.
I wish you would give me the gas."
Now that she had brought herself face to face with
the obligatory duty that had to be performed she felt
inclined to shrink from it and to put it off.
" That would be a violation of our agreement with
Mr. Wottisnot," said Harold. "What we have to do
has to be done with our eyes open, except for a moment
or two; and we are expected to have our senses about
us. It is very brave of you, Edwina, to insist upon
our going through it to-night "
" I d—d—don't insist upon it, Harold," said Edwina
in a weak, Bob-Acreish voice. " If you prefer it, we
will wait."
292
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" I do not prefer it, Edwina. We will put the finish-
ing touches to our compact this very night; it is best
so. We must give the death-blow to our state of
slavery. What used we to say at school? 'Heredi-
tary bondsmen, who would be free, themselves must
strike the blow!' And the sooner the blow is struck,
and the chains rattle to the ground, the better for all
parties. The arguments you have used are so power-
ful and convincing that I yield to your commands."
"I don't c—command it, Harold. If you would
rather not "
" I would not rather not, Edwina 5 I would rather.
My soul is armed and eager for the fray." Harold was
speaking lightly to encourage her, for he saw that she
was giving way. "We will not argue upon it any
longer, dear; the matter is decided. When the ser-
vants have gone to bed we will set about it, and we
will have everything prepared in case of a surprise."
"How can we have everything prepared, Harold,
when we haven't the least idea what is going to happen,
and whether it will happen to me, or to you, or to both
of us ? "
" It was my turn last, you know, Edwina."
" O Harold, you are mean ! Was it not my turn the
time before the last ? And you yourself said we were
even."
"So we are, love; I was only joking. Edwina, if it
is to happen this time to only one of us, would you
rather it were I or you ?"
She hesitated a moment, but love was triumphant.
" I would take it on myself, Harold."
" Dear little woman! I would not allow you if I
could prevent it."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
293
" I dread to think of what it may be," said Edwina.
"That is not the proper light in which to view it.
There is nothing to dread; it is always something
comical. And think of what we have been able to do,
dear. I am sure we should both cheerfully submit to
a much greater sacrifice rather than have been de-
prived of the pleasure of assisting the Crumbses and
the poor cripple and his sister. Now, would we not,
Edwina ?"
"Yes, Harold, we would." Her courage was return-
ing, Harold was putting the matter so beautifully.
" Think of what Mr. Reynolds told us about the five
pounds you gave him last week. The costermonger
has got his donkey back and is earning a living again.
The stories we have heard lately would fill a book. We
have every reason to be grateful to Mr. Wottisnot, and,
as Mr. Middlewick in ' Our Boys' says he always feels
inclined to do when he meets a pig in the street, I take
off my hat to him."
" Harold, you are the cheerfullest, dearest boy ! You
would inspire a wooden figure in a Noah's Ark. I will
not hold back any longer. We will do it to-night."
" Bravo, Edwina."
" It is no harm wishing that what is going to happen
will happen to both of us at once, is it ?"
"Not at all, love."
"When you were you and I wasn't I," said Edwina
pensively, " it was like being alone in the world. Did
you not feel so when I was I and you weren't you—as
if you were cut off from everybody ?"
" Something like it, Edwina. I have a curious
thought, dear, and I am sorry I did not have it when
I was a nigger, so that I might have tried. It is this.
294
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
When yon were an old lady you felt like an old lady
most of the time, and when I was a nigger I felt like
one most of the time. If I had written yon a letter,
would it have been a nigger letter or a Harold letter,
and would the writing have been my own 1 It is an
interesting question."
" It is, love. What a pity you did not try ! Then
we should have known. I shall order the supper early,
and tell the servants to get to bed."
She did not waver again. They had an early sup-
per, and fortified themselves with a glass of '80 Pom-
mery, of which Harold had laid in a little stock, feeling
he could afford it. Priscilla and Mrs. Lavender and
Crumbs were told to go to bed, " because," Edwina ex-
plained to Priscilla, " we may have a busy day to-mor-
row." They waited a while to give the servants time
to get to sleep, and then they prepared for their
task.
Mr. Wottisnot's snuff-box was placed on the table,
and they smiled at the pelican; the Gladstone bag was
brought down ; and all was ready.
The formula was the same; they did not omit a sin-
gle detail, and they did not hurry. They agreed upon
the nature of their wish, they wrote on separate pieces
of paper the amount, two thousand pounds, and the
familiar remark that it was a coincidence appeared to
be quite original, they took the pinches of snuff, they
sneezed three times, and they kissed each other ten-
derly and rather solemnly. Then Harold said, " Shut,"
and they closed their eyes and mentally wished their
wish three times. " Open," said Harold, and they lifted
their lids slowly. The money was on the table, and
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
295
they gazed at it a long while. They had not the
courage to speak, or to look at each other. At length
Harold said:
" Edwina! " and a thrill of joy ran through him as
he heard the sound of his own voice.
" Harold!" said Edwina, and a thrill of joy ran
through her as she heard the sound of her own voice.
" Our own voices, love," said Harold, still averting
his eyes from her.
"Yes, dear Harold."
" That is a comfort, is it not ? "
"Yes, dear."
" Let us take a peep, Edwina."
It was very timorously done, but they opened their
eyes wide immediately, and there was a glad light in
them as they simultaneously cried:
"We are ourselves ! "
It was true; nothing had occurred. They indulged
in mutual congratulations, but these were checked by
the thought that flashed into their minds at the same
moment, " But it must come—of course it must come ! "
Was not the price that was paid for it on the table
before them? A capital paymaster, Mr. Wottisnot.
Cash down. No asking you to take a three months'
bill.
"However," said Harold, answering the thought
which he perceived Edwina shared with him, " we will
not anticipate; we will enjoy the good the gods provide."
Being by this time used to the business, they counted
the golden sovereigns, and tied them up in the small
bags and put them all in the Gladstone, which they
locked and carried upstairs to the wardrobe.
296
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Mr. Wottisnot," observed Harold, u is a better arith-
metieian than I am, for he has not made a mistake in
one. Eight thousand pounds exactly. He might be a
bank manager."
They chatted for a few minutes, set everything
straight below, and went to bed.
CHAPTER XXV.
more extraordinary than ever.
Edwina did not know what time it was when she
awoke. " It must he the middle of the night/' she
thought, "because it is so dark." She felt rather
strange and rather puzzled, but physically she was
quite bright, as if she had had a long and refreshing
sleep. Her confusion arose from something about her-
self which she could not explain, and from the doubt
as to where the door and the window were.
" Let me see," she thought; " when I went to bed I
lay on my right side, facing the window, and the door
was at my back, but I think I must have shifted my
position, for I have not the least idea whether I am now
at the top or the foot of the bed, or where any of the
walls are. I suppose the ceiling must be above me,
but I am not sure. Where can the door and the win-
dow be ? I must take care how I move, for I may be
lying with my head close to the window, and I might
put it through a pane of glass. Harold is sleeping very
quietly, so if I have shifted he has shifted too. Upon
my word, I think somebody must have turned the bed
round. And how funny it feels; it has grown longer."
She stretched herself out and slid down. The bed-
stead was certainly very much elongated, for she had
to slide down a lot before her feet touched the bottom
297
298
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
rail. She slid up again, and lay and thought, her men-
tai confusion increasing every moment. Another thing
that puzzled her was that her nightdress was so long
for her 5 her feet were quite entangled in it. Then
the sleeves of her nightdress; something had gone
wrong with them—they completely enveloped her
hands, and she had to pull them up.
"I will lie still," she thought; "it will come right
presently."
But it did not come right.
" I must get up," she said to herself, " and see what
it all means."
She would have got out of bed at once, but she had
no idea how to obtain possession of the matches. They
were on the dressing-table when she went to bed, but
where was the dressing-table'?
" Harold! " she called softly. " Hal! Hal! Don't
you hear me ?"
She could not rouse him, and she resolved to make
a determined effort to solve the knotty problems that
were perplexing her. Very slowly and cautiously she
put her feet out of her side of the bed, but they did
not reach the ground, and they got entangled again
in her nightdress. She quickly drew them in, for she
feared that she might fall into a pit.
" I must really decide this," she thought. " It can't
be the Arabian Nights. We can't have been carried
away to somewhere else by the Genii of the Ring. We
can't be in a dungeon; if we were, I should not feel so
light and happy. Hal! I wish you would wake up
and help me ! Dear, dear! How sound he is ! He is
saying something in his sleep."
She listened to Harold murmuring:
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
299
" Little drops of water,
Little grains of sand,
Make the mighty ocean,
And the bounteous land."
She murmured the lines after him, and nodded a
great many times in the dark with a pleasant smile on
her lips, and unconsciously she followed them up with:
" Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky."
She laughed and rubbed her hands, and said, " Oh,
I feel so hungry! I wish I had a large slice of plum-
cake ! " Presently she grew serious. It was impossible
to remain in this state of suspense any longer. She
must make another effort. Before, however, she tried
again to get out of bed, she said aloud, in a tremulous
voice, as if appealing to some one:
" I hope it is all right. You might tell me."
She received no answer, and, mustering all her cour-
age, she slid out of bed and tumbled on the carpet.
" I never thought the bed was so high," she said, as
she rubbed herself. "I shouldn't wonder if I had
bumps on me. Now, where am I? Oh, this bothering
nightdress ! I am all of a tangle. Could I have put
on one of Harold's by mistake ?"
She managed, by pulling it up a long way, to stand
on her feet, and then she groped about the room, knock-
ing herself against the chairs.
" Here's the washstand," she said, rubbing herself
again; " that has grown taller, tooand the dressing-
table ought to be there."
300
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
But it was not ; it was in the opposite direction.
She reached it at last, and groped for the matches, and
knocked over some bottles, and pricked herself with
a pin. At length she found the box, and striking a
match, lit the candles. " Everything seems to have
grown a great deal higher in the night," she thought;
and then, keeping tight hold of her nightdress to pre-
vent herself from stumbling, she looked at herself in
the glass.
She did not behold Edwina there. The person she
gazed at was a little girl, with a mischievous, merry
face, and sweet gray eyes. She had the prettiest little
hands and feet, and the sauciest nose that ever was
seen. Edwina was short, but this small person was at
least a foot and a half shorter; she was neither thin
nor stout, but just as she ought to be, and the color of
her hair was a beautiful auburn.
" Well! " said Edwina, when her surprise would allow
her to speak. "I am a pretty little girl! Gracious,
gracious me! Who put me to bed last night, I won-
der ? I must have gone to bed very early, I feel so
wide awake."
She was so fascinated with her appearance that she
could hardly gaze her fill. And her sensations were so
conflicting! Now she felt like the child she was, and
presently she felt like the Edwina she had been. It
was under the latter influence that she realized what
had occurred, and that nothing in the room had grown
taller or longer, but that it was she who had grown
shorter and younger.
" What will Harold say when he sees me ?" she asked
herself. " He will be surprised! "
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
301
She was a loquacious child, and she had a habit of
speaking her thoughts aloud.
"Shall I wake Harold up?" she said. "He was
sound asleep when I got out of bed, and he doesn't like
to be suddenly shaken."
She turned to the bed, and started back with an
" Oh! " On Harold's pillow rested a head as small as
her own, with a tangle of golden curls around it which
made her feel quite jealous, his hair was so much love-
lier than hers. But she soon conquered her jealousy,
so deep was her admiration of the picture she gazed
upon.
"You pretty little boy! " she said. "I never did see
such hair! I wonder who you are ! And oh, I won-
der who I am! I know who you was—no, who you
were. You were Harold, and I was Edwina; and now
we are goodness knows who. Shall I wake him ? No,
I will dress myself first. I hope we haven't got a nurse
or a governess; I will not put up with them—to that
I am determined. I won't do lessons, though they try
ever so. Where are my clothes ?"
She began to put on Edwina's clothes, but she found
they would not do at all. She shook with laughter
when she tried on her stays; they were ever so much
too large for her. She prevented herself from scream-
ing " Ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho ! " because she did not
want to wake Harold till she was ready for him. " But
I must have some proper clothes," she said, " that will
fit me nicely, or I shall never be able to go about. Oh,"
she cried in delight, " I know! "
And she ran into the dressing-room where the trunks
with the old-fashioned clothes were. She had great
302
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
difficulty in lifting the heavy lids, but she succeeded at
last, and made the remark, as she nodded her head in
approval of her proceedings, that she was a very de-
termined little child. She found plenty of children's
clothes in the trunks, and she selected the prettiest
and most becoming, and washed and dressed herself as
quietly as she could. She had some trouble with back
hooks and eyes and strings and buttons, and she had
to stand on a stool to wash herself and to do her hair.
" They were very good to me to teach me how to
dress myself so cleverly," she said. " Every little girl
of my age couldn't do it so well."
Who " they " were she could not have explained, but
she knew what she meant.
She was fully three quarters of an hour completing
her toilet, because she kept running every minute to
look in the glass to see how she was getting on, and to
gaze at her face and figure, which seemed to be a proof
that she was rather a vain creature. All this time it
was quite dark, as she convinced herself by peeping
under the window curtains.
" Can I tell the clock ?" she said, as she stepped to
the mantelpiece. "Yes, I can; it is twenty minutes to
two. They must have put me to bed yesterday morn-
ing. Now I will wake Harold."
Before she began to shake him she stood on a chair
and kissed him. She was not strong enough to shake
violently, and that, most likely, was the reason why he
continued to sleep on. She must use severer methods.
With her little fingers she drew up the skin of his eye-
lids, and would not let them go down again, and she
was delighted to see that his eyes were blue. It was
not possible for any boy to remain asleep in such cir-
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
303
cumstances, and Harold, stretching his arms, which
were entirely hidden under the long sleeves of his
nightshirt, sat up in bed, and gazed, wonderstruck, at
the little girl standing on the chair by his side, in her
old-fashioned clothes. She enjoyed his surprise, and
did not speak; she only smiled at him. His arms
being out of bed, he tried to get at his hands, but
could not, because of the sleeves. Without a word she
tucked them up, and two small shapely hands ap-
poared. Greatly bewildered, he held them out, and
then dug his knuckles into his eyes.
" Oh, you sleepy boy ! " said Edwina. " It is nearly
two o'clock in the morning, and you not dressed
yet!"
"Who are you?" he asked, in an eager, boyish voice.
" You are very pretty. I like you. Will you give me
a kiss ?"
" Oh yes," said Edwina, throwing her arms round his
neck and giving him a dozen. "Are they nice ?"
" Ever so nice," he said. " But who are you ?"
" I don't know. I know who I was, though."
Enlightenment dawned upon him. " How stupid I
am ! " he said. " You are Weeny."
"Weeny ! " she cried.
" Short for Edwina, you know."
"And I don't dislike it. Weeny. It sounds pretty.
Perhaps you can tell me who you are."
" Don't be a foolish little girl. I am Harold."
" Oh, are you ? I'll soon show you. Let me go, you
bold boy." She jumped off the chair, and taking a
hand mirror from the dressing-table held it up before
him. " There ! "
He gazed long and curiously at himself.
304
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
"You were Harold, you know," she said, "and now
you are somebody else."
It was the same with him as with her. Half the
time he knew himself to be Harold, and half the time
he felt himself to be a small boy.
"Weeny," he said, "something has occurred."
"Yes, it has, Hal," she replied, "and now you must
get up. There are things to do, if we want to enjoy
ourselves and not make our lives a torment."
" Don't take the glass away for a minute," he said,
with a comical despondency. " My poor mustache ! "
"Never mind, Hal. If you live till you are a young
man you will get another. You are sure you're wide
awake ?"
" Ah," he cried, " it may be a dream. Pinch me."
She gave his chubby arm a smart nip, and he
screamed, " Oh ! I am awake. Stand a little away. I
want to see if you are altogether nice. Yes, you are.
Who's the oldest ?"
"You, I think."
" I think so, too. I know a lot."
" Tell me one thing you know."
"I am prettier than you are, Weeny—that's one
thing."
" I don't believe it. I'll ask the boys, and you shall
hear what they say."
" I'll punch their heads for them if they make love
to you."
" Oh, do, do ! " she exclaimed. " Then there will be
a fight; and I'll stand by and look on. That will be
splendid. But you shouldn't brag, Hal. I wouldn't if
I was you."
Harold corrected her: " If I were you, Weeny,"
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
305
"Was you, Hal," said Edwina obstinately. " You are
only a little boy, and you haven't a schoolmaster's pre-
scription."
"Certificate," he said triumphantly. "Caught you
again!"
" Very well. Certificate. We will not quarrel about
it, will we ?" She said this rather imploringly. "Are
you ever going to get up, you bad boy, and can you
manage to dress yourself ?"
" I should say I could," he said, jumping out of bed,
and pulling on his trousers. " Oh, I say, look here—
they're twice too long for me. Where are my feet ? I
can't go about like this. Give me the scissors, Weeny."
" What do you want them for ?"
" I must cut half the legs of these trousers off."
"No, stupid; even then they would be nineteen
times too wide for you, and you would look like a
doubled-up sailor. There are plenty of clothes in the
trunks in the dressing-room that will fit you nicely.
Where do you think I got mine from ?"
The trunks were ransacked again, and a quantity
of boy's old-fashioned oddments were brought forward
and laid out on the bed; they were of such variety that
the difficulty was to make a selection. Harold was
rather difficult to please. It was, "Weeny, how do I
look in this?" and, "Weeny, is this too long?" or too
short, or too wide? and he was continually asking
how he looked behind. Edwina, too, asked questions.
" Am I a good nurse, Hal ?"
"You are a dear."
" Do you love me ?"
"You darling!"
And they had a good many kisses.
306
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
When he was dressed and washed Edwina did his
hair, which she declared was too lovely for anything,
and then they stood side by side and compared them-
selves. They were a quaint-looking young couple, and
there was something very attractive in their appear-
ance; people passing them in the street would have
been sure to turn their heads to gaze after them. Har-
old had the start in height, and although he had boasted
that he was the prettier of the two many would have
said that Edwina had the advantage, the bright sauci-
ness of her face and the gentle wistfulness which was
continually stealing into her sweet gray eyes being
wonderfully winning.
" I am glad we are both one thing, Hal," she said,
looking down at her legs, and then at his.
" So am I, Weeny. Isn't it funny that we both feel
so wide awake in the middle of the night ? Why, it is
only half-past two, and I am not a bit sleepy. What
did we get up and dress ourselves for ?"
" Because we have an immense number of things to
do, you thoughtless boy. You say you know a lot; I
think I know almost as much. We must account in
some way for our appearance in the house to-morrow,
and for the disappearance of the ^master and mistress."
" I don't know what to say," observed Harold de-
spondently.
" I have thought of something. Give me pen, ink,
and paper. Oh, what a slow boy you are ! "
" There's none in this room; they're all downstairs,
Weeny."
"Then we must go and bring them up. We've got
to find out something before we can do what I've
thought of. Come on."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
307
He took a candle, and they crept into the passage.
Directly he saw the stairs a kind of delirium seized
him.
" Here, hold the candle a minute," he cried; in a state
of uncontrollable excitement he thrust it into her hand,
and then, with a feeling of wild delight, he slid down
the balusters. He ran up, and was about to slide down
again, when Edwina stopped him with:
"No, Hal, play fair! It's my turn now."
She almost threw the candle at him in her eagerness,
and she slid down with profound joy. Deliriously ex-
cited, Harold slid after her with the candle in his hand,
and nearly set himself on fire. Placing the candlestick
on a little table in the lower passage he flew up again,
Edwina after him, and they slid down atop of each
other. "When they reached the bottom Harold could
not get away in time, and they both sprawled on the
floor. Sitting there, Edwina clutched Harold, and
looked up the staircase with alarm in her eyes.
" Oh dear! " she whispered. " I hope we haven't
woke the servants. What would they think if they
saw us ?"
"They would think we were burglars," Harold re-
plied, " come to murder them. They would lock them-
selves in their rooms and scream for the police. You
look horribly ferocious, Weeny."
Luckily for them there were no signs that the ser-
vants had been disturbed by their antics, and they rose
to their feet.
"Till things are settled," said Harold, "we must
behave quietly. We must walk like the villain in the
play when he's going to do a desperate deed, only we
ought to have slow music."
308
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
With appropriate action they took a step at a time,
and stopped, and listened, and said, " Hnsh! " and put
their fingers to their lips. They returned to their bed-
room in the same way, with pen, ink, and paper.
" I must have one more, Weeny," said Harold, and he
went into the passage and slid down again, Edwina,
not to be outdone, taking her slide after him. Then,
with satisfied souls, they turned their attention to more
serious business. They cleared a little table and put
the writing materials on it, and Edwina sat down with
the pen in her hand. The chair was too low for her,
and Hal put a stool on it.
" What I want to find out," she said, " is whether my
writing is the same."
She found that she had to write the words that came
into her mind, " Darling Harold," very slowly, but her
writing was not at all bad, and was really something
like Edwina's, only larger and more straggly.
" Will it do, Hal ?" she asked.
" If you take great pains," he said, " I think it will;
but what do you want to write a letter to me about?
Can't you say it ?"
"You silly boy, the letter I am going to write is to
Priscilla, and we shall have to go out and post it to-
night, so that she will get it the first thing in the
morning."
" What will the letter be about ?"
" About us, and it will give instructions. How ought
I to commence? 'Dear Priscilla,' or, 'My dear PriS-
cilia,' or, ' Dearest Priscilla' ?"
" There's ' darling,'" suggested Harold.
" Priscilla's a nice girl," said Edwina, " but wouldn't
that be too familiar ?"
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
309
" Not at all," replied Harold. " The letter is from
both of us, of course. Say, ' Our darling Priscilla.'"
" I shall do nothing of the kind. Now I shall com-
mence in real earnest. ' My dear Priscilla'"—she spoke
the words aloud as she wrote them—" 'We have been
to the railway station '"
"Which railway station?" asked Harold.
" Oh, never mind which. Let Priscilla find out for
herself.—' For our nephew and niece '"
Harold interrupted her again: " Priscilla doesn't
know we have a nephew and niece. We have never
told her."
" That doesn't prevent our having nephews and
nieces, does it?" exclaimed Edwina. "We may have
a million if we like. She hasn't told us about all her
relations, and we were not bound to tell her about all
ours. Do let me go on, or the letter will never be fin-
islied.—'We have brought them home, and put them
in our bed, because we have been obliged to go away
for a few days.'—What do you think of that, Hal ?"
"A splendid idea. Weeny, you're clever."
" Oh, you acknowledge it! The next time you say
to me, ' I know a lot,' I shall say, ' I know a lotter.'
Mind that, Hal.—' To go away for a few days, so we
leave Miss Edwina and Master Harold in your care.
The dear children are named after us.'—How does that
strike you, Hal ?"
"It is simply immense, Weeny. Give me a kiss; I
am proud of you. Being called by other names would
have caused dreadful confusion. We should never
have known which was which."
" ' They are such nice, sweet-tempered children,'"
continued Edwina, and here she made a face at Har-
310
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
old, and he made a face at her, and they both burst out
laughing—" < and you must let them do exactly as they
please, and have everything they want. They will order
their own meals, and will tell cook what they like for
breakfast, dinner, tea, and supper; and they are not
to be expected to eat things they don't care for. They
are in the habit of stopping up late, and you must not
cross them, because if they don't have their own way
they break out all over in pimples. I want you and
cook and Crumbs to be good to the dear children, and
I hope you all will.'—There, Hal, I think that will do,
unless you want to say something more."
" Ought you to send her my love ?" he asked.
"No, it belongs to me. Is that all?"
"Weeny," said Harold, "I've thought of something
awful."
" What is it, Hal ?"
"Do you think Priscilla will want to bath me?"
Although he put this appalling question in a trem-
bling voice, he could hardly refrain from bursting out
laughing.
"No!" screamed Edwina, flushing up. "If she
dared to attempt it I will kill her—with this! " She
plunged her pen viciously into the ink, and wrote:
"There's one very, very particular thing. On no ac-
count must you bath the dear children. The doctor
says it would be fatal."
" Capital," said Harold, when she read it over. "And
now, Weeny, have they got any money in the kitchen
to pay for things? We shall have plenty ourselves,
but it will hardly do for us to give Priscilla a handful
of sovereigns at a time. She would think it singular."
" Quite right," said Edwina, and added to her letter,
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
311
'"We leave yon twenty pounds; you will liave to buy
things for the children; and tell cook to keep an
account.'—Now, how shall I end it? Yours what? I
ought to be a little like a mistress, or I would say,
'Yours lovingly.' I have noticed that when people
want to be very dignified they say, 'Yours obediently.'
Yes, I will put that.—'I am, you dear Priscilla, yours
very obediently, Edwina.'"
"You must put Sparling," said Harold.
" Yery well.—' Edwina Sparling.'"
She read the whole letter aloud to Harold, nodded
with a feeling of immense satisfaction, and inclosed it
in an envelope which she addressed to Priscilla, Rosa-
mund Bower, Fulham, and put a stamp on it.
" The next thing to he done, Hal," she said, " is to go
out and drop it in the pillar-box. It is still quite dark,
and no one will see us."
They went softly downstairs, and Harold quietly un-
locked the street door and put back the chain, so that
they could enter with the latch-key.
"We must take an umbrella," said Edwina.
"Why, Weeny," said Harold, "it isn't raining."
"Never mind," insisted Edwina; "it isn't proper to
go out at this time of night without an umbrella, and
we must hold it up."
Harold laughingly gave way, and the two strange
children crept stealthily through the grounds to the
gate, which they succeeded in opening, and then into
the open thoroughfare.
" It's very dark," said Harold.
" It is awfully dark," said Edwina, nestling closer to
him with a shiver, " but the umbrella seems to keep it
out a little. Don't you think so ?"
312
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
As lie saw that she was frightened he agreed to every-
thing she said, and they crept on till they arrived at
the pillar post. Harold had to stand tiptoe to reach
the opening, and the letter being confided to the care
of Her Majesty's Postmaster-General, they turned to
go home ; but they had not gone far before they were
frozen with terror by the flashing of a dark lantern on
them. It was held by the hand of Night Constable 317
of the X division, who had observed two forms creep-
ing stealthily along, evidently up to no good. In
order to surprise and confound the desperadoes, who
he was convinced belonged to the dangerous classes,
he had whipped out his bull's-eye lantern and flashed
it upon them. They stood transfixed for a moment.
Then Harold cried, "Run, Weeny, run!" And drag-
ging her after him he flew with all his speed the other
way. -Never did four little legs scamper so swiftly over
the ground. Fortune befriended them, for Constable
317, just as he was about to follow and arrest them,
dropped his lantern, and by the time he recovered it
they were out of sight. In the hurry and confusion
Edwina lost one of her shoes, and was too scared to
stop and find it. Harold hurried her along, and when
they were some way down a quiet street he saw at the
end the flash of the constable's lantern again. There
was a little hooded court close to them, and he pulled
Edwina into it, and there they crouched, almost a jelly
with fright, as the constable passed their shelter. The
officer was positive that he had seen these miscreants
scud straight along the wider thoroughfare, therefore
he did not waste his time in examining the court, but
strode valiantly onward. He had picked up the shoe
which Edwina had dropped, and had concluded that a
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
313
burglary had been committed, and that this was part
of the plunder. Fortunately, Harold had succeeded in
shutting up the umbrella, or it would have impeded
their flight; but he held it firmly in his little hand,
with the heroic determination of poking the ferrule
into the policeman's eye if he attempted to molest
them. Peeping out of their hiding-place, he watched
the retreating form of Constable 317 proceeding in the
opposite direction to Rosamund Bower, and when he
saw that they were safe he said:
"Now, Weeny, we must scuttle home as hard as ever
we can."
Again did the four little twinkling legs scamper
along; breathless and exhausted they reached the gate
and closed it behind them. They staggered to the
street door, and were compelled to pause to recover
their breath; then Harold inserted the latch-key, and
they entered the house. There they received another
fright, for a candle was burning in the lobby.
" Oh dear, oh dear! " murmured Edwina. " The ser-
vants are up, and we shall be discovered."
But the house was perfectly quiet, and presently they
saw that the candle was the one they had themselves
brought down from their bedroom and had carelessly
left alight. They recognized it by the candlestick.
When they were once more safe in their room they
soon recovered their spirits, and became quite merry
over the adventure. They even laughed when Harold
said:
" What an awful thing it would have been if we had
been taken to the station-house! We could not have
given a satisfactory account of ourselves, and if they
had asked us for references, whatever should we have
314
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
done ? Thank goodness we are safe, and that we have
not disturbed the servants."
" It is something to he grateful for," said Edwina,
"that they are such sound sleepers. Priscilla said, you
remember, that it would take a cannon-ball to wake
them. Hal, dear, don't yon feel a kind of faintness in-
side you ?"
"I do, Weeny," he replied, with his hand on his
stomach.
" Let us go down to the larder," she proposed, " and
steal some jam."
He jumped with delight at the suggestion. Down
they crept with the candle, and Harold entered first,
in case there should be any black-beetles about; but
there were none in the larder; it was too cold for these
nocturnal invaders; they preferred the warm kitchen.
"All right, Weeny," whispered Harold, and she fol-
lowed him.
They had a feast: cake, part of a fowl, jam, pickles,
apple tart, cold pie, marmalade, and cheese were indis-
criminately devoured, Edwina sitting perched on a
shelf, and Harold, the gallant, devoted Harold, standing
by and assisting her to the tidbits. They had only one
spoon between them, which they used turn and turn
about. It was years since they had so thoroughly en-
joyed/themselves, and the necessity of suppressing their
laughter added to their enjoyment.
"Isn't it jolly, Weeny?" said Harold.
" There isn't a word in the dictionary to express it,"
said Edwina. " It is real happiness."
When they were so full that they could not eat any
more Harold said:
"We have made a mistake in that letter to Priscilla.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
315
You said you had left her twenty sovereigns, hut we
did not put them in the envelope."
" Gracious ! " exclaimed Edwina. " More we did !
What shall we do ?"
" I know. We will go up and get the money, and we
will put some of the sovereigns in this pot of raspberry
jam—it is only half full, and we can stir them to the
bottom—and drop the rest in the bottle of mustard
pickles."
" It is a very good idea," said Edwina, " but how will
she know? She might put a spoonful of jam into her
mouth and choke herself."
"You shall write another letter telling her, and we
will leave it in the letter-box."
" That will do nicely," said Edwina, and they made
their way upstairs, where the letter was written. Then,
taking twenty sovereigns from the Gladstone bag, they
went down again and deposited the second letter in the
box; after which they dropped the money into the pot
of jam and the bottle of mustard pickles. They gave
a good stir to the jam and a good shake to the pickles,
so that the sovereigns were hidden from sight.
"In case of thieves," said Harold. "We must not
leave temptation in people's way."
" The servants will be surprised in the morning," ob-
served Edwina. "We had better now go to bed again ;
it is not yet four o'clock, and we shall be fit for nothing
if we don't get some rest. I feel very sleepy, too; we
got up much too early."
Harold offered no opposition, for he, like Edwina,
felt a disposition for sleep.
" Good-night, Weeny," said Harold.
" Good-night, little boy," said Edwina.
CHAPTER XXVI.
constable 317's opinion of ogres.
Edwina's remark that the servants would he sur-
prised in the morning but feebly expressed their feel-
ings .when the two letters to Priscilla were read aloud
in the kitchen. Priscilla read them first to herself, and
then read them aloud to Mrs. Lavender and Crumbs.
" This beats everything ! " said Priscilla.
" It does," acquiesced Mrs. Lavender.
Crumbs said nothing, but he stared very hard.
" Break out into pimples if they're crossed! " ejacu-
lated Priscilla. "We shall have a fine time with them.
Nice children they must be ! The idea of not allowing
them to be bathed! And can you tell me, cook, why
one letter is dropped into the letter-box and the other
comes through the post ?"
" I can't," replied Mrs. Lavender absently. She was
thinking of the raspberry jam and the mustard pickles.
" Crumbs, bring all the jam pots and pickle bottles
from the larder."
She accompanied him thither, and started back
aghast at the devastation that had been made.
"Three grown-up people," she declared, "couldn't
have eaten what's gone since I turned the key in the
larder. Are they children in bed upstairs, or are they
ogres ?"
" O Lord, cook ! " cried Priscilla. " Don't talk like
316
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
317
that, or I shall be turned into a jelly! I've a good
mind to go for a policeman."
" Don't stir! " commanded Mrs. Lavender. u If there
are dreadful secrets in the house it is our duty to keep
them to ourselves. Bring the things into the kitchen,
Crumbs."
Crumbs obeying, the kitchen table was soon strewn
with pots of jam and bottles of pickles.
" I don't know which to try first," said the puzzled cook.
" Crumbs, turn them mustard pickles into the basin."
Crumbs did as he was ordered, and the sovereigns
rattled against the sides of the basin.
"Did ever anybody see the like?" exclaimed Mrs.
Lavender. " What a place to put money in ! Wipe
them clean, Crumbs, and stir up the jam pots with a
spoon. There they are, in the raspberry jam"—as
Crumbs dug out a spoonful—" and a pretty mess they're
in. Wash them well, Crumbs, and throw the jam and
pickles in the dust-bin." She drew a long breath, and
continued; " I shall just take things as they come, that's
what I shall do, and I advise you, Priscilla, and you,
Crumbs, to do the same. We've seen some funny
goings on in this house, and by this time we ought, I'm
sure, to be prepared for anything, though I must say if
all masters and missises were like ours, the world would
be turned topsy-turvy. Priscilla, go upstairs and see
about the children."
" I won't! " cried Priscilla. " Wild horses shan't
drag me!"
" Why, you stupid, what's the matter with you ?"
" I'm all of a tremble—you said they might be ogres,
and I'm not going to be pounced upon. Go yourself,
cook."
318
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" It isn't my place; it's yonrs "
The contention was broken by the appearance ot
Constable 317 of the X division. With the keen eye of
a practical officer he saw immediately that something
was wrong, and he tightened his belt.
"Just what I expected," he said. "The house has
been broke into."
" Has it ?" gasped Mrs. Lavender.
"Has it?" gasped Priscilla, clinging to his arm.
" Who told you ? Oh, I'm so glad you've come! "
" Of course you are, my dear," said Constable 317,
with a gratified look at the girl. " Who told me ? Can't
I see for myself ?" He pointed to the litter on the table.
"And look here," he said, producing the shoe Edwina
had lost and he had picked up, " what do you say to
this ?"
The three domestics peered at it, and Mrs. Lavender
remarked, " I don't see much in that."
"Not now you don't," said Constable 317, "but last
night there was a foot in it. And that foot, with an-
other foot in another shoe, and another pair of feet in
another pair of shoes—or boots ■ I won't take my Bible
oath which—was sneaking through the streets after
their burgling job was finished. They had their plun-
der, the burglars did, in a large round sack on their
shoulders." (This was the umbrella under which the
children had been hidden.) "The minute I caught
sight of 'em what did I do ?"
"Arrested them," suggested Priscilla. "Oh, you
brave policeman ! And they were two to one ! "
" They were. But I was fur away. I after 'em like
a shot, and had just caught up to 'em when, as ill luck
would have it, my lantern dropped, and by the time I
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
319
recovered it they was out of sight. But one of 'em
lost his shoe, and here it is to convict 'em."
" What rubbish you talk!" said Mrs. Lavender.
" This is a child's shoe, not a man's."
"With respect," retorted Constable 317, "rubbish
yourself, and no offense meant. What makes a couple
of burglars ? A man and a boy, don't it ? And Hatchet,
the housebreaker we've been on the lookout for for the
last twelve months, always takes a boy with him when
he's on a job."
" I don't dispute you," said Mrs. Lavender, " because
you know more about these things than we do, but we
don't agree with you that the house has been broke
into."
" Don't you ? What does all this mean ?" He pointed
again to the confusion on the kitchen table.
" That's our business," said Mrs. Lavender stoutly.
"Very good. I don't wish to pry; I come here with
a willing heart and a willing hand to assist yon, but if
I'm trod on "
" Don't go, oh, don't go!" implored Priscilla, still
clinging to his arm. " There is something wrong in
the house, and cook says it's ogres."
" Ogres ! " gasped Constable 317. When a human
being has a sudden fright he turns pale; this is the
rule, but Constable 317 was an exception, for a blue
pallor spread over his cheeks.
" Yes, ogres," repeated Priscilla, " and they're upstairs
in missis's bedroom now."
"I say nothing for positive," said Mrs. Lavender,
"but we aren't yet certain who is in the room."
" Where's your mistress ?" inquired Constable 317.
" She's gone in the country."
320
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" When did she go ?"
" Last night, after we went to bed."
" You knew she was going, of course?"
" No, we didn't. It's took ns all by surprise."
"A queer move," observed Constable 317. "I'd like
to have a word with your master."
" He's gone, too."
" At the same time ? "
" Yes—they went together."
Constable 317 glared at Crumbs, as though the lad
was at the head of a conspiracy to wreck the domestic
happiness of Rosamund Bower; the worthy officer had
not got over the feeling he entertained toward Crumbs
in the matter of the hard-boiled eggs.
a There's "been enough said," blurted out Mrs. Laven-
der. "We might stand talking here all day long, and
be just as far off as ever finding out all about it. Pris-
cilia, now that the constable is here, and as you don't
care to go alone, perhaps he'll go up with you to the
bedroom."
"He'll go by himself, then," said Priscilla. "No
ogres for me, thank you, cook."
"Well, then," suggested Mrs. Lavender, "he'll go up
by himself."
" Begging your pardon," said Constable 317, turning
bluer, " I don't mind tackling a man—it's my duty to
when they lay theirselves open—but I'm not paid to
tackle ogres. It ain't down in my instructions, and it
ain't fair to ask me. Ogres, from information received,
are infernal monsters, devilish, unhuman spirits that
can change theirselves a dozen times a minute. With-
out letting myself down, cook, I don't mind owning I'd
rather not."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
321
Constable 317's ideas of ogres were certainly novel
and ingenious, and quite as certainly they did not
command the admiration of the lady to whom he last
appealed.
" Call yourself a man ! " she exclaimed, with wither-
ing sarcasm.
" That's just it," retorted Constable 317. " If I called
myself a ogre I'd tackle him with pleasure."
" Suppose we all go," proposed Crumbs, interposing
for the first time.
"We will," they all replied, as with one voice.
They armed themselves. Cook seized the poker,
Priscilla the tongs, Constable 317 the shovel, and
Crumbs the rolling-pin. Brandishing their weapons,
they marched upstairs in single file, Constable 317 gra-
ciously allowing Crumbs to take the lead, he behind
the lad, and Priscilla and Mrs. Lavender behind him.
When they reached the hall the tongs dropped from
Priscilla's nerveless fingers, and made a great clatter in
its fall. The sound so alarmed them that three of the
band turned tail. Only one stood his ground—Crumbs,
waving them back with the rolling-pin. Discovering
the cause of their alarm, they took close order again,
and proceeded up to the bedroom.
CHAPTER XXVII.
in which everybody is happy forever after.
We must now return to Harold and Edwina. It had
been an exhausting day for them, and they fell asleep
the moment their heads touched their pillows. With
a due regard to their diminished proportions Edwina
had taken from the trunks a couple of children's night-
dresses, which served them better than those which had
been such a source of embarrassment on the previous
night. Despite their fatigue their slumbers were not
peaceful; they were both afflicted with a nightmare of
the same description. They thought that a tyrant had
sewed them up in very small bags and then proceeded
to blow their bodies out. They grew larger and larger,
and the bags in which they were confined became
tighter and tighter, till they were bursting. In a
great fright they both jumped up in bed.
" Oh, I'm suffocating, Harold! " cried Edwina;
" So am I, Edwina," he replied.
Rip, rip, rip, went their nightdresses; they had burst
their bonds.
They gave one leap, and were out of bed, on oppo--
site sides. It was dark, and they could not see across
the bed, but a wild, delirious hope possessed them both.
" Harold ! " cried Edwina.
" Edwina! " cried Harold.
"Iam almost afraid to think what has happened,"*
322
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
323
said Edwina, in a trembling voice, "the joy of it is so
overpowering."
" I had better light a candle," said Harold.
"Wait a moment," shrieked Edwina, dragging off
the counterpane and wrapping it around her, while
Harold did the same with the blanket, " I am not fit to
be seen!"
Harold, looking like a red Indian, lit the candle, and
turned his eyes upon Edwina, who cried ecstatically:
" Oh, my dear boy, it is all over, and we are free! "
Then blanket and counterpane fell into each other's
arms and fondly embraced.
"Harold," whispered Edwina, "little Weeny's night-
dress that I put on last night is in shreds."
" Edwina," whispered Harold, " little Hal's nightshirt
that I put on last night is split into ribbons."
It is not in the power of man, however illustrious he
may be, to describe their felicity at the knowledge that
they were fully and finally restored to themselves, and
that the engagement they had made with Mr. Wottis-
not was at an end. Man and woman as they were now,
and queerly as they were attired, they could have
danced about the room in a transport of happiness,
only they did not wish to disturb the servants, who
had to be regaled with still another wonderful tale of
a strange disappearance. Their radiant faces, their
sparkling eyes, were sufficient evidence of their joy.
"You are lovelier than ever, Edwina," said Harold.
" And you, Harold," said Edwina, " are the dearest
boy in all the wide world."
When they were in proper attire to finish their
night's rest, which had already been twice broken into,
Harold spent a few minutes before the glass caressing
324
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
his mustache, and then gave way to Edwina, who had
to do her hair. They locked up the children's clothes
and took out their own, and soon afterward they fell
into a dreamless sleep.
They awoke at half-past eight, and had a little quiet
talk about the servants and what they should say to
them in explanation of the strange occurrences of the
night. They were filled with delight at the prospect
of being now completely released from their engage-
ment to Mr. Wottisnot, and at the same time they were
greatly perplexed as to how they should satisfy Priscilla
and Mrs. Lavender. At length Harold said:
" It's no good bothering our heads. Leave it to me;
I'll get out of it somehow. I shall ring at once for our
tea and hot water."
When he pulled the bell the servants and Constable
317 had just reached the landing, and at the sound
they all, with the exception of Crumbs, who once more
manfully stood his ground, turned tail and scampered
downstairs.
u What a clatter!" said Harold, and he pulled the
bell again.
Constable 317, Priscilla, and Mrs. Lavender gazed at
each other in indecision, until Mrs. Lavender declared
that it was their duty to go up and face the mystery.
Thereupon they remounted the stairs and prepared for
action by banging at the bedroom door with tongs,,
poker, and shovel. Harold jumped out of bed, and throw-
ing the door open, stood before them in his nightshirt.
" Master ! " gurgled Priscilla hysterically.
" Master! " murmured Mrs. Lavender in bewilder-
ment.
Constable 317 fell into the rear.
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
325
"What is the matter, constable?" asked Harold.
"Any more hard-boiled-egg discoveries ?"
"No, sir," stammered Constable 317. "We only
come to see if everything was right, sir."
" Everything is quite right," replied Harold blandly,
and called to Edwina, "It is, isn't it, Edwina?"
" Quite right," she called out, in her sweetest tone.
" But the children, sir! " gasped Priscilla,
" Oh, we've sent them back," said Harold. " Haven't
we, Edwina?"
" Yes," she replied, " they've gone home. We thought
it would be too tiresome -altogether to have them in the
house."
" Are you satisfied, constable ?" inquired Harold, his
eyes twinkling with fun.
" If you are, sir, I am. There's only one thing, sir—
I picked up this shoe in the streets last night." He
produced it.
"Now, that's very curious," said Harold, with great
readiness, " for as we came home in the middle of the
night we picked up the fellow to it." He darted into
the bedroom and returned with it. " It is a most ex-
traordinary coincidence. They are a pair. Take this
one, too, constable, and report to Scotland Yard."
Constable 317 took the shoe with a helpless look.
"I am afraid, cook," then said Harold, "that we
played havoc in your larder last night, but we were
ravenously hungry, and we thought we would have a
little fun with you. You know what I mean—the let-
ters to Priscilla and what you found in the pickles and
the raspberry jam. It was very childish, but we are
only young people, you know, and can't resist having
larks. Can we, Edwina ?"
326
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
"No, we can't resist," said Edwina, "and I am sure
cook and Priscilla will excuse us for all the trouble
we've put them to."
" Certainly, ma'am," said Mrs. Lavender.
And, " Certainly, ma'am," said Priscilla.
"We will make everything right in the course of the
day," said Harold. "And, constable, you had better
go down and have breakfast. Mrs. Lavender will cook
something nice for you. Wait a moment, please."
He darted back into the room and again returned.
There was a chinking of silver coins in the constable's
hand, apd the officer and the domestics attached to
Rosamund Bower went slowly down to the basement,
where they put their heads together and endeavored
to find some explanation of these extraordinary pro-
ceedings. Needless to say they did not succeed, and it
is equally needless to say that to this day Edwina and
Harold have not solved the mystery of the visit of Mr.
Wottisnot, the Genius of the Utterly Absurd.
It taught them lessons. They had learned some-
thing of the solemnity and seriousness of life, and they
were the better for it.
"Dear Harold," said Edwina, "as dear Uncle The-
ophilus said, life is not altogether ajar of honey. For
many poor people it is very hard. Let it be our en-
deavor to do all the good we can."
"Indeed it shall be, darling," said Harold. "It is
worse than a mistake, it is even culpable, to be com-
pletely wrapped-up in ourselves. I am going to do
something, Edwina; I do not intend to pass my days
in idleness. I shall ask Markleby if he knows of an
opening in a business where I may put what talents I
possess to some use."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
327
Before, however, he could consult Markleby on the
matter Mrs. Markleby paid them a visit.
" I have come to give you a piece of news," she said,
" and to ask you a question. Lizzie Mixture and Regi-
nald Paradox are engaged to be married."
" I am very glad to hear it," said Edwina. " There
will now be a pair of Paradoxes."
"They have been engaged on and off," continued
Mrs..Markleby, "secretly for some time, but they did
not wish their friends to know until they had irrevoca-
bly made up their minds. They have both paid me
private visits, and we have had private conversations.
There was a talk before you were married of a little
attachment that Lizzie had for you, Mr. Sparling, and
that Reginald had for you, Edwina."
"Was there ?" said Edwina. " I am sure I never re-
garded Mr. Paradox in any other light than that of a
friend."
" Nor did I," said Harold, " regard Miss Mixture in
any other light."
" It is the same with them," said Mrs. Markleby, " but
people ivill talk, you know. Reginald has assured me
that Lizzie never had the least feeling for you, Harold,
and that she rather looked down on you, in fact, You
don't mind ?"
"Not a bit," said Harold.
" And Lizzie," pursued Mrs. Markleby, " has assured
me that the idea of Reginald ever having been sweet
on you, Edwina, is altogether too preposterous."
" Oh ! " said Edwina.
" Everything is nicely arranged now," said Mrs. Mar-
kleby, "and nobody need have any feeling about it.
You remember the night of our ball, Harold?"
328
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
" Indeed I do."
" So do I," said Edwina. " I shall never forget it."
"Why, my dear," exclaimed Mrs. Markleby, "yon
weren't there!"
" Harold has told me all about it," said Edwina, rather
confused, " and it's just the same as if I was."
"Well, on that night," said Mrs. Markleby, regarding
this explanation as quite natural, " Lizzie and Reginald
had had a little tiff, and they played you, Harold, and
that dear old Grandma Dinah you brought with you,
off against each other. Lovers often do those foolish
.things, and cause themselves a great deal of unneces-
sary vexation. The course of true love, you know,
never did run smooth. How is the dear old lady,
Edwina ? "
" She is quite well, Mrs. Markleby, and as lively as
ever."
" One of my objects in coming this morning is to ask
whether you will accept an invitation to the wedding,
and whether you will bring the dear old lady with you.
They did not like to send you an invitation before they
were sure whether you would accept it; it is so awk-
ward to be refused."
"We will accept with pleasure," said Edwina, "but
Grandma Dinah cannot come with us. Consider her
age."
"You said she was as lively as ever, Edwina."
" She is, but she must not take liberties with herself.
We will come, Mrs. Markleby; and please give Miss
Mixture and Mr. Paradox our congratulations, and say
we wish them every happiness."
" I will, dear. I am going on to Lizzie now, and you
will receive the invitation this evening."
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
329
They went to the wedding, and gave the bride a
handsome wedding present; and there was a present
also from Grandma Dinah, which was greatly appre-
ciated. After the wedding breakfast, when the bride
and bridegroom had departed on their honeymoon tour,
Markleby, Harold, and Edwin a were standing together.
Markleby had found an opening for Harold as junior
partner in a city firm, and they were talking of the
prospect before him.
"You will make a fortune," said Markleby, taking
out his snuff-box. He helped himself to a pinch, and
offered the box to Harold.
" Don't take it, don't take it!" screamed Edwina,
seizing Harold's hand.
"My dear lady," said the surprised Markleby, "it is
quite harmless—the best Scotch mixture."
" Mixture ! " exclaimed Edwina, thinking at one and
the same time of the bride and the perils she and Har-
old had gone through. " I have made a vow, Mr. Mar-
kleby, that Harold shall never take another pinch of
snuff."
" That's one way of making vows," remarked Mar-
kleby, " to put them on other people. Another pinch !
Then he used to take snuff ?"
"He has taken, to my knowledge," said Edwina,
" four remarkable pinches, and I shall never forget the
effect they had upon him. He hardly knew where he
was."
" It has that effect upon some people," said Markleby.
"When I commenced to take it I used to sneeze my
head off!"
" It had precisely the same effect upon Harold," said
Edwina.
330
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
After the wedding things went on more quietly.
The Rosamund Bower household cooled down, as it
were, and Priscilla, Mrs. Lavender, and Crumbs expe-
rienced no further surprises in the shape of sudden ap-
pearances and disappearances. Mrs. Crumbs' business
was flourishing, and on the first of every month she
paid Harold something off the first cost of her stock in
trade. There were hopes for the crippled boy; the
doctors said that in a year or two he would be able to
get about almost as well as ever. A home was found
for his blind sister in an institution in St. John's Wood.
Edwina wished to have the girl with her in Rosamund
Bower, but the advantages for learning useful things
were so much greater in the institution that the child
was sent there; and she throve well. A firm friend-
ship was established with the poor minister, Mr. Rey-
nolds, who never appealed to them in vain on behalf
of a deserving case. They patched up a peace with
Aunt Plummer by sending her a handsome present at
Christmas, but they did not invite her to pay them an-
other visit, and it was a great comfort to them that she
expressed no desire to do so. And so the time sped on
until a sweet and beautiful thing occurred, without the
aid of a pinch of snuff, and Rosamund Bower became
an earthly Paradise. Edwina had a baby girl. Ah,
the rapture, the ecstasy of the young mother, the
prayers of thanks to God for the blessing He had sent
them, the ineffable joy of the parents, their boundless
gratitude for the precious gift! Thank-offerings were
sent to Mr. Reynolds to distribute among his poor, and
flowers were left at the house by humble friends whom
they had helped out of trouble. Every member of the
SOMETHING OCCURRED.
331
Crumbs family sent a gift for baby, and all who knew
Edwina and Harold rejoiced with them.
" Darling Harold! " said the happy mother. " Can
we ever be grateful enough? Oh, how sweet, how
sweet is life ! "
And so we leave our dear Edwina, with her baby at
her breast and a heavenly joy in her heart.
THE END.
Twelfth]
Routledge's Railway Library Advertiser.
[Issue.
EDWARDS' "HARLENE" FOR THE HAIR.
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Prevents tht Hair falling off and turning grey.
THE WORLD - KENOWJS ED REMEDY
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Is., 2s. 6d., and 5s. 6d. per Bottle, from Chemists and Perfumers everywhere.
Gold Medals, Paris, 1878 :1889.
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Numbers for use by BANKERS, &c.— Barrel Pens, 225, 226, 262 : Slip Pens, 332,
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ESTABLISHED 1851.
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STOCKS, SHARES, and ANNUITIES purchased and sold.
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THE BIRKBECK ALMANACK, with full particulars, post free on
application^ ' PRAM LIS RAVENSCROFT, Manager.
Twelfth] Routledge's Railway Library Advertiser. [Issue.
TJIt. DVNBAB'S
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& rail Ba JB fee* the original 'Anti-Catarrh
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flai H ^ *1WI COLDS AND SORE
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STJLPHOLINE
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Twelfth] Routledge's Railway Library Advertiser. [Issue.
FOR ALL
From the Laboratory of
THOMAS JACKSON
Strangeways, MANCHESTER.
the Year |
Round, j
PRINCE
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At 6d., Is.,
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For
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