ALL IN THE SAME BOAT Tames Mont gomeiT- Flagg Life Publishing Co. Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2017 with funding from Getty Research Institute https://archive.org/details/allinsameboatOOflag AU in the Same Boat By the same author and in uniform size and binding Tomfoolery IF »♦ A Guide to Bad Manners Why They Married 75 Cents Each AU in the Same Boat Text and Illustrations By JAMES MONTGOMERY FLAGG NEW YORK LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY Cop})right 1908 bv LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY British Copyright Secured All Rights Reserved DEDICATED TO MY WIFE Dent io write /” ALL ABOARD! The smart and the stupid. With Cap’n Dan Cupid, Are huddled together afloat; Tho* some travel steerage. While others go sneerage. We’re all of us in the Same Boat! The Captain The captain speaks impressively when giving interviews To reporters who come swarming on the ship, And says altho’ he’s been at sea for many many ye'rs He’s really never seen a | \ trip! 13 The Cabin Steward The cabin steward is the chap who brings you water hot And smiling says, "‘It is a lovely day!” And then the dear Atlantic hits your porthole with a swat— We cannot print the things you try to say! 15 V These Married People! Wifie came down to bid hubby good-bye And they wept as they parted that day ; But hubby cheered up when the steamer pulled out — Maybe wifie did too — who can say? 17 Nationality, Please? The Paris breakfast seemed to him a cheap and measley thing, Another of those European fakes — He has to have his steak and chops, his bacon, fish and eggs, And then it isn’t real without the cakes! 19 Sump’n or Other Here’s the celebrity — what has he done? It must be a boon to mankind. Well, he either invented the oysterless stew, Or he’s been farthest north, in his mind! 21 9 Ver’ Ruffsh Pashage! Mr. Gieshiebler’s not an A. B-;, So a smoking- room sofa he collars, And when he comes to at the end of the week His bar bill is $ 800 . 23 One on Every Ship Here’s Lily, a thirty-year-old ingenue, To moth-eaten bromides she clings; She looks at the steerage and then says to you “They hardly look human, poor things.” 25 Poor Claribel! Claribel Cuddle is always alone, Always alone on the decks, Always alone in dark corners, poor girl — With one of the impudent sex ! 27 t You Bet This is the gambler — you have been warned — He wins his fare over (and wines) ; He can always find someone to sit in a game Who doesn’t believe in those signs. O Layer-cake! Anita Marshmallow may always be found Sitting up near the bow eating candy With four sons of Eli she sings “Boola Boo”; “Don’t you think Jack Barrymore’s dandy!” 33 Junk This is a portrait of Souvenir Sue Who whether in Brooklyn or Rome Must always find something to break off and snatch To label and carry back home! 35 Not Becoming Hattie goes hatless and lets her hair blow So her curls will all float out of place. It would look mighty fetching and coy, doncher know, If she had the right kind of a face! 37 I Did You Ever Cross with Him? Mr. Buzz spouts about Thibet and Greece, Petersburg, Stockholm — creation ; He sounds like the man who calls out the trains Down at the Grand General Station. 39 Europe? Tut! Perhaps you know this one — old ‘‘Europe-be-darned,” If you mention some building or view, He’ll say, “We’ve got sump’n ’ll beat that a mile Right out in old Kalamazoo !” 41 Takes Her Pen in Hand This woman writes letters from morning till night ; Every minute she scribbles away. You know very well from the looks of her face She couldn’t have that much to say! 43 V vM. J Forty Times Before Breakfast This nuisance walks around the decks And tells you all about it, If he fell off perhaps I’d yell “Man overboard!” — I doubt it! 45 Bezique Says Mrs. Smart: “ril just declare my string of amber beads, I won’t declare my English baby carriage !” “And I,” said Bessie Billion, who had snaked a foreign prince, “I think I’ll just declare a ‘Royal Marriage !’ ” 47 L The Grouchy Swell This beautiful person won’t speak to a soul; He has a dull week on the water ; His people, you see, had bought Standard Oil When the shares sold at two for a quarter! 49 1 , ) Altogether too Happy Lolla is having the time of her life; She chortles from early till late; Every second is teeming with screaming delight, We wish there was something she’d hate! 51 The Titled Person We bump against him just by chance His notice our reward; He’s sour, old, of ill-repute — But also he’s a lord ! 53 Willing and Anxious Almarine Gurgle flutters around With music tucked under her wing; Her eyes are imploring and seem to cry out, “Go ahead, Bill, and ask me to sing!” 55 The Man Who Won the Pool Have a drink with the winner or have a cigar ! Let every dog have his day — You’ll win the pool on the morrow, perhaps, But he is the hero today! 57 I They All Talk That Way “The trip is so restful, I love these slow boats !” Says Mrs. Alonzo G. Honks, But if ’twere a question of fast boats or none — She’d have to say home in the Bronx! 59 The Chairman of the Concert This pompous bromidium’s chairman to-night, He prates of “hands over the brine” ; “Blood’s thicker than seltzer,” and so is his head; I’m glad he’s no cousin of mine! 61 Graeco-Roman The Tonneaus are mighty fine people, my boy, They have six “Mercymes” in the hold. They’re warmer than most of your gasolene swells; They each ride in two cars. I’m told! 63 A Hair’s-Breadth Escape ■ / There’s something familiar about him; You’ve met him, you think: “Shall I speak? Was it Newport or Hot Springs — Good heavens! He marcels my hair twice a week !” 65 The Cheerful One He sees you are dozing, he knows you are ill ; But he will sidle up just to say, As he crowds his gay person on half of your chair, “Well, how’s the boy feeling to-day?” 67 Different Mme. Shubrich’s very fine In Niebelungen Ring, But when you see her off the stage You think, “For God’s sake, sing!” 69 .r. 1 Dear Old Grandma Grandma’s almost ninety, but she’s sporty just the same, Tho’ she wears those funny lady-finger curls, She can climb an Alpine mountain or enjoy a “quiet game,” Just exactly like the other high-school girls! • 1 'tf jsli j&iia Too Generous Miss Inkwell invested in culture this June, The outlay was three hundred dollars, She dishes up Europe three times a day — She ought to save some for her scholars ! 77 Not an Idle Person Mr. Peacock has thirty-one trunks, Just think of the duds he has brought ! His socks match his ties and his rugs match his suits — His life is one beautiful thought ! Sweet Little Things Miss Fattenforty loves to watch The Porpoises a-sunning, She thinks they’re just as cute as cute, And likewise awful cunning! 81 V What Is He? He takes a bit of bloater, a cup of tea, and toast; He cannot go those feahful Yankee messes. He calls his ma ‘The Mater,” “His People” mean his folks, He says that he “expects” when he means “guesses” ! 83 Circumstances Alter Laces Marie Meringue is a bit overdressed For a gyerl of her station and age, While this statement is true as you see her on board, It’s utterly false on the stage ! Probably Some Old Tramp Steamer, Too! There’s always the bore with the glasses When you’re trying to rest on your trip, Who insists on your seeing the steamer On the opposite side of the ship! 87 On a Liberal Allowance His “Governor” sent him abroad for his “vac”; He thought he should see other races — So the kid saw the “Derby,” the “Grand Prix” and such And, in fact, only hit the high places ! 89 Sufficiency Gertrude Gilhooly just hopes it will storm, She adores the sea angry and rough; When a wave gives this lady a slap on the ear We timid ones cry, “Good enough !” 91 One can always rely on that chap Mr. Butts, His knowledge is quite mastodonic If he blandly asserts “that’s the Doitchland off there You may know it’s the “S.S. Bubonic!” 93 Entertaining It’s generally rough when the concert comes off ; We’re most of us quaky and fearful. This guy sings a song about “Fire at Sea,” Or something else equally cheerful ! 95 1 I By Special Request Mr. Vestpantski enchoys all his meals; He’s lout in his braise of der line; They hat yom-kippered herring for preakfast, for him “They soitenly do treat yer fine !” 97 Recovered There’s always the person who’s hit by a wave, Then finds that he’s minus his trunk; He’s obliged for a loan and sc isn’t obliged To spend the whole week in his bunk! The Formula This is the cynical man of the world, Whose lip is marcelled with a sneer, His pose is extolling the things you dislike And scoffing at things you revere ! 101 1 There’s always one girl with an outline on board, A monotony killer, I mean. The sort all the men say is “perfectly good,” And the women all sniff “Actorine!” 103 I •>! '*1 I If So, Beg Pardon Here is a colorless, meaningless chap; He is simply a blot on the view; He’s a zero, a hyphen, a space that is filled — Great Scott ! Now don’t tell me it’s you ! 105 I • ^■/s 3/#g W£Gn7VC£NTr(! UBRARy