Ulrich Middeldorf 'Co time die Tali' EJEEKBIOIT, R .Cronu'k sculp, pupil, of Ffituiclozzi RA. jPublzshed March dbijoj, by CadeU and Davies Strand. / A FATHER’S legacy TO HIS DAUGHTERS. BY THE LATE DR. GREGORY OF EDINBURGH. A NEW EDITION. ILLUSTRATED WITH PLATES. LONDON: PRINTED FOR A, STRAHAN J AND T. C AD E I. L J U N . AND W. DAVIES (SUCCESSORS TO MR. CADFI.I.) IN THE STRAND. 1797 . , - . . • • • i. >-• ! v' ■ . . P R E F A C E, rpHAT the fubfequent Let¬ ters were written by a tender father, in a declining ftate / of health, for the inftru&ion of his daughters, and not intended for the Public, is a circumftance which will recommend them to every one who confiders them in the light of admonition and advice. In fuch domeftic inter- courfe, no facrifices are made to prejudices, to cuftoms, to fa- A 3 fhionable VI PREFACE. fhionable opinions. Paternal love, paternal care, fpeak their genuine fentiments, undifguifed and unreftrained. A. father’s zeal for his daughter’s improve¬ ment in whatever can make a woman amiable, with a father’s quick apprehenfion of the dan¬ gers that too often arife, even from the attainment of that very point, fugged; his admonitions, and render him attentive to a thoufand little graces and little decorums, which would efcape the niceft moralift who fhould undertake the fubjeft on unin- terefted PREFACE. Vll tereded fpeculation. Every fa¬ culty is on the alarm, when the objects of fuch tender affe&ion are concerned. In the writer of thefe Letters paternal tendernefs and vigilance were doubled, as he was at that time foie parent; death having before deprived the young ladies of their excellent mother. His own precarious date of health infpired him with the mod ten¬ der folicitude for their future welfare; and though he might have concluded, that the impref- fion viii Preface. fion made by his inftru&ion and uniform example could never be effaced from the memory of his children, yet his anxiety for their orphan condition fuggefted to him this method of continuing to them thofe advantages. / The Editor is encouraged to offer this Treatife to the Public, by the very favourable reception which the reft of his father’s works have met with. The Comparative View of the State of Man and other Animals, and the Effay on the Office and Du¬ ties PREFACE. ix ties of a Phyfician, have been very generally read; and, if he is not deceived by the partiality of his friends, he has reafon to believe they have met with gene¬ ral approbation. In fome of thofe trails the Author’s object was to improve the tafte and underftanding of his reader; in others, to mend his heart; in others, to point out to him the proper ufe of philo- fophy, by fhewing its applica¬ tion to the duties of common life. In all his writings his chief view was X PREFACE. was the good of his fellow-crea¬ tures; and as thofe among his friends, in whofe tafte and judg¬ ment he moft confided, think the publication of this fmall work will contribute to that general de- fign, and at the fame time do honour to his memory, the Editor can no longer hefitate to comply with their advice in com¬ municating it to the Public. CONTENTS. Introdu&ion, ----- Page j Religion, - -- -- - - - 9 Condu£t and Behaviour, - - - - 26 Amufements, - - - - - - 47 Friendfhip, Love, Marriage, - - 63 NEW EDITIONS of the Mowing WORKS, elegantly and uniformly printed in a Pocket-lize, and adorned with Plates, have been lately publifhed by Cadell jun. and Davies in the Strand. r. Elegiac Sonnets and other Poems, by Charlotte Smith. 6 s. in Boards. 2. The Triumphs of Temper,, a Poem in fix Cantos, by William Hayley, Efq. 6 s. in Boards. 3. The Mine, a Dramatic Poem, by John Sargent, Efq. 5 s. in Boards. 4. The Pleasures of Memory, with fome other Poems, by Samuel Rogers, Efq. 6 s. in Boards. 5. The Pleasures of Imagination, by Mark Aken- fide, M. D. with a Critical Eflay on the Poem, by Mrs. Barbauld. 6 s. in Boards. 6. The Art of Preserving Health, by John Arm- flrong, M. D. with a Critical ElTay on the Poem, by Dr. Aikin. 6 s. in Boards. 7. The Spleen, and other Poems, by Matthew Green, with a Prefatory Eflay by Dr. Aikin. 5 s. in Boards. 8. An Essay on Man, by Alexander Pope, Efq., with a Prefatory Eflay, by Dr. Aikin. 5 s. in Boards. 9. The Chace, a Poem, by William Somervile, Efq., with a Critical ElTay, by Dr. Aikin. 6 s. in Boards. 10. The Shipwreck, a Poem, by William. Falconer. 5 s, in Boards. \ €! -^X«-X^-X^X”3?-X-5?"Xi 5 “X « X ••»•■ & •PJ X-»- X-6- X-$- X ^-X^'X'^'X^'Xi 5 "X §■ ^j 33 ? 5 ^ 5 ^ 3 ^ 35 ? 5 ^^ 5 !? 55 ? 5 ^^ 55 ? 5 ^^ 5 ^' A FATHER’S legacy T O HIS DAUGHTERS. 073 073 073 073 073 073 07) 073 073 073 073 073 073 073 oTJ KTY DEAR GIRLS, Y^ou had the misfortune to be deprived of your mother, at a time of life when you were infenfible of your lofs, and could receive little benefit, either from her inftruftion. B or •2 INTRODUCTION. or her example.—Before this comes to your hands, you will likewife have loll your father. I have had many melancholy re¬ flections on the forlorn and helplefs fituation you mu ft be in, if it fliould pleafe God to remove me from you, before you arrive at that period of life, when you will be able to think and 3 . 0 . for yourfelves. I know man¬ kind too well. I know their falfe- hood, their diftipation, their coldnefs to all the duties of friendfhip and hu¬ manity. I know the little attention paid to helplefs infancy.—You will meet with few friends difinterefted enough INTRODUCTION, enough to do you good offices, when you are incapable of making them any return, by contributing to their intereft or their pleafure, or even to the gratification of their vanity. I have been fupported under the gloom naturally arifmg from thefe reflections, by a reliance on the good- nefs of that Providence which has hitherto preferved you, and given me the inoft pleafmg profpect of the goodnefs of your difpofitions; and by the fecret hope that your mother’s virtues will entail a bleffing on her children. 4 INTRODUCTION. The anxiety I have for your hap- pinefs has made me refolve to throw together my fentiments relating to your future conduct in life. If I live for fome years, you will receive them with much greater advantage, fuited to your different geniufes and difpofitions. If I die fooner, you muff: receive them in this very im¬ perfect manner,—the laft proof of my affection. You will all remember your fa¬ ther’s fondnefs, when perhaps every other circumftance relating to him is forgotten. This remembrance, I hope, will induce you to give a fe- rious INTRODUCTION. 5 nous attention to the advices I am now going to leave with you.—I can requeft this attention with the greater confidence, as my fentiments on the moft interefling points that regard life and manners, were entirely cor- refpondent to your mother’s, whofe judgment and tafte I trufted much more than mv own. J You muff expeft that the advices which I fhall give you will be very imperfeft, as there are many name- lefs delicacies, in female manners, of which none but a woman can judge. —You will have one advantage by attending to what I am going to b 3 leave 6 INTRODUCTION. leave with you ; you will hear at Ieaft for once, in,your lives, the genuine fentiments of a man who has no intereft in flattering or de¬ ceiving you.—I fhall throw my re¬ flexions together without any fludied order ; and fnall only, to avoid con- fufion, range them under a few gene¬ ral heads. You will fee, in a little Treatife of mine juft publifhed, in what an ho¬ nourable point of view I have con- fidered your fex; not as domeftic drudges, or the flaves of our plea- fures, but as our companions and equals; as defigned to foften our hearts INTRODUCTION. 7 hearts and polifh our manners ; and, as Thomfon finely fays, To raife the virtues, animate the blifs, And fweeten all the toils of human life. I fhall not repeat what I have there faid on this fubjed, and fhall only obferve, that from the view I have given of your natural character and place in fociety, there arifes a certain propriety of condud peculiar to your fex. It is this peculiar propriety of female manners of which I intend to give you my fentiments, without touching on thofe general rules of condud, by which men and women are equally bound. b 4 While 8 INTRODUCTION. While I explain to you that fyltem of conduct which I think will tend molt to your honour and happinefs, I fhall, at the fame time, endeavour to point out thofe virtues and ac- complilhments which render you moil refpe£table and molt amiable in the eves of mv own fex. C 9 3 RELIGION. npHouGH the duties of religion, ftridlly fpeaking, are equally binding on both fexes, yet certain differences in their natural character and education, render fome vices in your fex particularly odious. The natural hardnefs of our hearts, and ftrength of our paffions, inflamed by the uncontrolled licence we are too often indulged with in our youth, are apt to render our manners more diffolute, and make us lefs lufceptible of the finer feelings of the heart. 10 RELIGION. heart. Your fuperior delicacy, your modefty, and the ufual feverity of your education, preferve you, in a great meafure, from any temptation to thofe vices to which we are mod: fubjefred. The natural foftnefs and fenfibility of your difpofitions parti¬ cularly fit you for the practice of thofe duties where the heart is chiefly concerned. And this, along with the natural warmth of your imagina¬ tion, renders you peculiarly fufceptible of the feelings of devotion. There are many circumftances in your fituation that peculiarly require the fupports of religion to enable you to RELIGION, 1 1 to act in them with fpirit and pro¬ priety. Your whole life is often a life of fuffering. You cannot plunge into bufmefs, or diffipate yourfelves in pleafure and riot, as men too often do, when under the prelfure of mif- fortunes. You mult bear your bor¬ rows in filence, unknown and unpi¬ tied. You muft often put on a face of ferenity and cheerfulnefs, when your hearts are torn with anguilh, or finking in defpair. Then your only refource is in the confolations of re¬ ligion. It is chiefly owing to thefe, that you bear domeltic misfortunes better than we do. But Ifl RELIGION. But you are fometimes in very dif¬ ferent circumftances, that equally re¬ quire the reftraints of religion. The natural vivacity, and perhaps the na¬ tural vanity of your fex, is very apt to lead you into a diffipated ftate of life, that deceives you, under the appearance of innocent pleafure ; but which in reality waftes your fpirits, impairs your health, weakens all the fuperior faculties of your minds, and often fullies your reputations. Reli¬ gion, by checking this diffipation, and rage for pleafure, enables you to draw more happinefs, even from thofe very fources of amufement, which, when too frequently applied to. RELIGION. to, are often productive of fatiety and difgufh Religion is rather a matter of fen- timent than reafoning. The import¬ ant and interefting articles of faith are fufficiently plain. Fix your attention on thefe, and do not meddle with controverfy. If you get into that, you plunge into a chaos, from which you will never be able to extricate yourfelves. It fpoils the temper, and, I fufpect, has no good effeCt on the heart. Avoid all books, and all conver- fation, that tend to fhake your faith on. 14 RELIGION. on thofe great points of religion, which fhould ferve to regulate your conduct, and on which your hopes of future and eternal happinefs depend. Never indulge yourfelves in ridi¬ cule on religious fubjects; nor give countenance to it in others, by feem- ing diverted with what they fay. This, to people of good breeding, will be a fufficient check. I wilh you to go no farther than the Scriptures for your religious opinions. Embrace thofe you find clearly revealed. Never perplex your- Xelves about fuch as you do not un¬ derhand. RELIGION. 15 derdand, but treat them with filent and becoming reverence.—I would advife you to read only fuch religious books as are addrefled to the heart, fuch as infpire pious and devout af¬ fections, fuch as are proper to direCt you in your conduCt, and not fuch as tend to entangle you in the endlefs maze of opinions and fyItems. Be punctual in the dated perform¬ ance of your private devotions, morn¬ ing and evening. If you have any fenfibility or imagination, this will edablilh fuch an intercourfe between you and the Supreme Being, as will be of infinite confequence to you in life. RELIGION. i G life. It will communicate an habi¬ tual cheerfulnefs to your tempers, give a firmnefs and fteadinefs to your virtue, and enable you to go through all the viciffitudes of human life with propriety and dignity. I with you to be regular in your attendance on public worlhip, and in receiving the communion. Allow nothing to interrupt your public or private devotions, except the per¬ formance of fome active duty in life, to wdiich theyfhould always give place. —In your behaviour at public wor- Ihip, obferve an exemplary attention and gravity. At RELIGION. 17 That extreme ilri&nefs which I re¬ commend to you in thefe duties, will be confidered by many of your ac¬ quaintance as a fuperftitious attach¬ ment to forms; but in the advices I give you on this and other fubjects, I have an eye to the fpirit and man¬ ners of the age. 'There is a levity and diffipation in the prefent man¬ ners, a coldnefs and Iiftleffnefs in whatever relates to religion, which cannot fail to infefl you, unlefs you purpofely cultivate in your minds 1 -a contrary bias, and make the devo¬ tional talte habitual. c Avoid RELIGION. Avoid all grimace and oftentation in your religious duties. They are the ufual cloaks of hypocrify; at lead they fhew a weak and vain mind. Do not make religion a fubject of common converfation in mixed com¬ panies. When it is introduced, ra¬ ther feem to decline it. At the fame time, never fuffer any perfon to in- fult you by any foolifh ribaldry on your religious opinions, but fhew the fame refentment you would naturally do on being offered any other per- fonal infult. But the fureft way to avoid RELIGION. 19 avoid this, is by a modeft referve on the fubjedt, and by ufmg no free¬ dom with others about their religious fentiments. Cultivate an enlarged charity for all mankind, however they may dif¬ fer from you in their religious opi¬ nions. That difference may proba¬ bly arife from caufes in which you had no {hare, and from which you can derive no merit. » Shew your regard to religion, by a diftinguifhing refpect to all its mi- nifters, of whatever perfuafion, who do not by their lives difhonour their pro - c a 20 RELIGION. jrofeffion: but never allow them the i direction of your confciences, left . they taint you with the narrow fpirit of their party. The beft effect of your religion will be a diffufive humanity to all in diftrefs. — Set apart a certain pro¬ portion of your income as facred to charitable purpofes. But in this, as well as in the practice of every other duty, carefully avoid oftentation. Va¬ nity is always defeating her own pur¬ pofes. Fame is one of the natural rewards of virtue. Do not purfue her, and ftte will follow you. Do RELIGION. Do not confine your charity to . giving money. You may have many opportunities of fhewing a tender and compaffionate fpirit where your mo* ney is not wanted.—There is a falfe and unnatural refinement in fenfibi- lity, which makes fome people fhun the fight of every object in diftrefs. Never indulge this, efpecially where your friends or acquaintances are concerned. Let the days of their misfortunes, when the world forgets or avoids them, be the feafon for you to exercife your humanity and friend* fhip. The fight of human mifery foftens the heart, and makes it bet¬ ter : it checks the pride of health and c 3 profpe- 22 RELIGION. profperity, and the diftrefs it occa- fions is amply compenfated by the confcioufnefs of doing your duty, and by the fecret endearment which nature has annexed to all our fympa- thetic forrows. Women are greatly deceived, when they think they recommend them- felves to our fex by their indifference about religion. Even thofe men who are themfelves unbelievers, diflike infidelity in you. Every man who knows human nature, connects a re¬ ligious tafte in your fex with foftnefs and fenfibility of heart; at leaft we always confider the want of it as a proof RELIGION. proof of that hard and mafculine fpirit, which of all your faults we dillike the moil. Befides, men con¬ sider your religion as one of their principal fecurities for that female virtue in which they are mod inte- refled. If a gentleman pretends an attachment to any of you, and endea¬ vours to fhake your religious prin¬ ciples, be adored he is either a fool, or has defigns on you which he dares not openly avow. You will probably wonder at my having educated you in a church dif¬ ferent from my own. The- reafon was plainly this: I looked on the c 4 dif- 24 RELIGION. differences between our churches to be of no real importance, and that a preference of one to the other was a mere matter of tafte. Your mo¬ ther was educated in the church of •England, and had an attachment to it, and I had a prejudice in favour of every thing fhe liked, ft never 'was her defire that you Ihould be bap- tifed by a clergyman of the church of England, or be educated in that church. On the contrary, the deli¬ cacy of her regard to the fmalleft eircumffance that could affedt me in the eye of the world, made her anxiouily infill it might be other- wife. But I could not yield to her : - in RELIGION. 25 in that kind of generofity.—When I loft her, I became ftill more deter¬ mined to educate you in that church, as I feel a fecret pleafure in doing every thing that appears to me to exprefs my affection and veneration for her memory.—I draw but a very faint and imperfe£t pi£ture of what your mother was, while I endeavour to point out what you Ihould be # . * The reader will remember, that fuch obfervations as refpect equally both the fexes, are all along as much as polfible avoided. C *6 ] CONDUCT and BEHAVIOUR. o ne of the chief beauties in a female character, is that modeft referve, that retiring delicacy, which avoids the public eye, and is difcon- certed even at the gaze of admira¬ tion.—I do not wifh you to be infen- fible to applaufe. If you were, you muff become, if not worfe, at leafl lefs amiable women. But you may be dazzled by that admiration which yet rejoices your hearts. When a girl ceafes to blufh, Ihe has loft the molt powerful charm of beauty. li. Ssann Sftilp* T.StcTftard dtUi/t- COmWC T ahu BlBMAyiOHm „ PublishedMarch r'.’/jay,by (\utr// (in4.f Davies Strand. CONDUCT, &C. 27 beauty. That extreme fenfibility which it indicates may be a weak- nefs and incumbrance in our fex, as I have too often felt; but in yours it is peculiarly engaging. Pedants, who think themfelves philofophers, aik why a woman Ihould blufh when fhe is confcious of no crime ? It is a fufficient anfwer, that nature has made you to blufh when you are guilty of no fault, and has forced us to love you becaufe you do fo.— Blufhing is fo far from being necef- farily an attendant on guilt, that it is the ufual companion of inno¬ cence. This CONDUCT AND $8 This modefty, which I think fo effential in your fex, will naturally difpofe you to be rather filent in company, efpecially in a large one.— People of fenfe and difcernment will never miftake luch fdence for dulnefs. One may take a {hare in converfation without uttering a fyllable. The expreflion in the countenance {hews it, and this never efcapes an ob¬ serving eye. I Ihould be glad that you had an eafy dignity in your behaviour at public places, but not that confident eafe, that unabafhed countenance, which feems to fet the company at defiance. BEHAVIOUR. -9 defiance. If, while a gentleman is fpeaking to you, one of fuperior rank addrefles you, do not let your eager attention and vifible preference betray the flutter of your heart. Let your pride on this occafion preferve you from that meannefs into which your vanity would fink you. Con- fider that you expofe yourfelves to the ridicule of the company, and af¬ front one gentleman only to fwell the triumph of another, who perhaps thinks he does you honour in fpeaking to you. Converfe with men even of the ffrft rank with that dignified modefty n which 3° CONDUCT AND which may prevent the approach of the moil diftant familiarity, and con- fequently prevent them from feeling themfelves your fuperiors. Wit is the molt dangerous talent you can polfefs. It mull be guarded with great diferetion and good-na¬ ture, otherwife it will create you many enemies. Wit is perfectly con¬ fident with foftnefs and delicacy; yet they are feldom found united. Wit is fo flattering to vanity, that they who polfefs it become intoxicated, and lofe all felf-command. Humour BEHAVIOUR. 31 Humour is a different quality. It will make your company much foil- cited 5 but be cautious how you in¬ dulge it.—It is often a great enemy to delicacy, and a ftill greater one to dignity of chara&er. It may fome- times gain you applaufe, but will never procure you refpefl. Be even cautious in difplaying your good fenfe. It will be thought you affume a fuperiority over the reft of the company.—But if you happen to have any learning, keep it a profound fecret, efpecially from the men, who generally look with a jealous and malig- 3 2 CONDUCT AND malignant eye on a woman of great parts, and a cultivated underftanding. A man of real genius and candour is far fuperior to this meannefs. But fuch a one will feldom fall in your way; and if by accident he fhould, do not be anxious to fhew the full extent of your knowledge. If he has any opportunities of feeing you, he will foon difcover it himfelf; and if you have any advantages of per- fon or manner, and keep your own fecret, he will probably give you credit for a great deal more than you polfefs.—-The great art, of pleafmg in fifiHAVIOUR. 33 in converfation confifls in making the company pleafed with themfelves. You will more readily hear than talk yourfelves into their good graces. Beware of detraction, efpecially where your own fex are concerned. You are generally accufed of being particularly addicted to this vice— I think, unjuftly.—Men are fully as guilty of it when their interefts inter¬ fere.—As your interefts more fre¬ quently clafh, and as your feelings are quicker than ours, your tempta¬ tions to it are more frequent. For this reafon, be particularly tender of the reputation of your own fex, efpe- d dally / 34 CONDUCT AND dally when they happen to rival you in our regards. We look on this as the ftrongeft proof of dignity and true greatnefs of mind. Shew a compaffionate fympathy to unfortunate women, efpecially to thofe who are rendered fo by the villany of men. Indulge a fecret pleafure, I may fay pride, in being the friends and refuge of the unhappy, but with¬ out the vanity of fhewing it. Confider every fpecies of indeli¬ cacy in converfation, as fnameful in itfelf, and as highly difgufting to us. All double entendre is of this fort.— - The BEHAVIOUR. 35 ' The diffolutenefs of men’s education allows them to be diverted with a kind of wit, which yet they have delicacy enough to be blocked at, when it comes from your mouths, or even when you hear it without pain and contempt.—Virgin purity is of that delicate nature, that it cannot hear certain things without contami¬ nation. It is always in your power to avoid thefe. No man, but a brute or a fool, will infult a woman with converfation which he fees gives her pain; nor will he dare to do it, if die refent the injury with a becoming fpirit.—There is a dignity in con- fcious virtue which is able to awe the d 2 mod 3 6 CONDUCT AND moll lhamelefs and abandoned of men. You will be reproached perhaps with prudery. By prudery is ufually meant an affectation of delicacy. Now I do not wilh you to affect de¬ licacy ; I wilh you to poffefs it. At anv rate, it is better to run the rilk of being thought ridiculous than dif- gufting. 1 he men will complain of your referve. They will affure you that a franker behaviour would make you J more amiable. But, trull me, they are not ffncere when they tell you fo. —I ac- BEHAVIOUR. n n o/ -—I acknowledge, that on fome oc- cafions it might render you more agreeable as companions, but it would make you lefs amiable as wo¬ men : An important diftinction, which many of your fex are not aware of.— After all, I wifh you to have great eafe and opennels in your converfa- tion. I only point out fome confi- derations which ought to regulate your behaviour in that refpeft. Have a facred regard to truth. Lying is a mean and defpicable vice. •—I have known fome women of ex¬ cellent parts, who were fo much ad¬ dicted to it, that they could not be truded D 3 3 » CONDUCT AND trufted in the relation of any ftory, efpecially if it contained any thing of the marvellous, or if they themfelves were the heroines of the tale. This weaknefs did not proceed from a bad heart, but was merely the effect of vanity, or an unbridled imagination. — I do not mean to cenfure that lively embellifhment of a humorous ftory, which is only intended to promote innocent mirth. There is a certain gentlenefs of fpirit and manners extremely en¬ gaging in your fex ; not that indis¬ criminate attention, that unmeaning fimper, which fmiles on all alike. This BEHAVIOUR. 39 This ariles, either from an affecta¬ tion of foftnefs, or from perfect in- There is a fpecies of refinement in luxury, juft beginning to prevail among the gentlemen of this coun¬ try, to which our ladies are yet as great ft rangers as any women upon earth ; I hope, for the honour of the fex, they may ever continue fo : I mean, the luxury of eating. It is a delpicable felfifh vice in men, but in your fex it is beyond expreflion in¬ delicate and difgufting. d 4 Every 40 CONDUCT AND Every one who remembers a few years back, is fenfibie of a very ifriking change in the attention and refpect formerly paid by the gentle¬ men to the ladies. Their drawing¬ rooms are deferted ; and after dinner and fupper, the gentlemen are impa¬ tient till they retire. How they came to lofe this refpeft, which nature and politenefs fo well entitle them to, I (hall not here particularly inquire. The revolutions of manners in any country depend on caufes very va¬ rious and complicated. I fhall only obferve, that the behaviour of the ladies in the laft age was very re- ferved BEHAVIOUR. 41 lerved and {lately. It would now be reckoned ridiculoufly Hid and for¬ mal. Whatever it was, it had cer¬ tainly the effeft of making them more refpefted. A fine woman, like other fine things in nature, has her proper point of view, from which fhe may be feen to mod: advantage. To fix this point requires great judgment, and an intimate knowledge of the human heart. By the prefent mode of female manners, the ladies feem to expect that they fhall regain their aicendency over us, by the fulled: difplay of their perfonal charms, by being 42 CONDUCT AND being always in our eye at public places, by c'onverfing with us with the fame unreferved freedom as we do with one another ; in fhort, by refembling us as nearly as they pof- fibly can.—But a little time and ex¬ perience will fhow the folly of this expectation and conduct. The power of a fine woman over the hearts of men, of men of the fined: parts, is even beyond what fhe conceives. They are fenfible of the pleafing illufion, but they cannot, nor do they wifh to diffolve it. But if fhe is determined to difpel the charm, it certainly is in her power: fhe may foon BEHAVIOUR. 43 foon reduce the angel to a very ordi¬ nary girl. There is a native dignity in inge¬ nuous modefty to be expected in your fex, which is your natural protection from the familiarities of the men, and which you fhould feel previous to the reflection that it is your in- terefl to keep yourfelves facred from all perfonal freedoms. The many namelefs charms and endearments of beauty fhould be referved to blefs the arms of the happy man to whom you give your heart, but who, if he has the leafl delicacy, will defpife them if he knows that they have been pro- ftituted 44 CONDUCT AND ffituted to fifty men before him.— The fentiment, that a woman may allow all innocent freedoms, provided her virtue is fecure, is both grofsly indelicate and dangerous, and has proved fatal to many of your fex. Let me now recommend to your attention, that elegance, which is not fo much a quality itfelf, as the high polifh of every other. It is what diffufes an ineffable grace over every look, every motion, every fentence you utter. It gives that charm to beauty, without, which it generally fails to pleafe. It is partly a per- fonal quality, in which refpeft it is the BEHAVIOUR, 45 the gift of nature ; but I fpeak of it principally as a quality of the mind. In a word, it is the perfection of tafte in life and manners ; — every virtue and every excellency in their molt graceful and amiable forms. You may perhaps think that i want to throw every fpark of nature out of your compofition, and to make you entirely artificial. Far from it. I wifn you to poffefs the moll perfect fimplicity of heart and manners. I think you may poffefs dignity without pride, affability with¬ out meannefs, and fimple elegance without 46 CONDUCT, &C. without affe&ation. Milton had my idea, when he fays of Eve, Grace was in all her Heps, Heaven in her eye, In every gefture dignity and love. Amusements i Published ZDach 1 st f;n- by Cad elI and Davies Strand \ l s < C 47 ] AMUSEMENTS. jgvERY period of life has arnufe- ments which are natural and proper to it. You may indulge the variety of your tallies in thefe, while you keep within the bounds of that propriety which is fuitable to your fex. Some amufements are conducive to health, as various kinds of exer- cife : fome are connected with qua¬ lities really ufeful, as different kinds of women’s work, and all the do- 3 meftic 43 AMUSEMENTS. medic concerns of a family: fome are elegant accomplifhments, as drefs, dancing, mufic, and drawing. Such books as improve your underftand- ing, enlarge your knowledge, and cultivate your tafte, may be confi- dered in a higher point of view than mere amufements. There are a va¬ riety of others, which are neither ufe- ful nor ornamental, fuch as play of different kinds. I would particularly recommend to you thofe exercifes that oblige you to be much abroad in the open air, fuch as walking, and riding on horfe- back. This will give vigour to your conftitu* AMUSEMENTS. 49 conftitutions, and a bloom to your complexions. If you accullom your- felves to go abroad always in chairs and carriages, you will foon become fo enervated, as to be unable to go out of doors without them. They are like moll articles of luxury, ufeful and agreeable when judicioully ufed ; but when made habitual, they become both infipid and pernicious. An attention to your health is a duty you owe to yourfelves and to your friends. Bad health feldom fails to have an influence on the fpirits and temper. The fined geniufes, the e moil 50 AMUSEMENTS. moft delicate minds, have very fre¬ quently a correfpondent delicacy of bodily conftitution, which they are too apt to neglect. Their luxury lies in reading and late hours, equal ene¬ mies to health and beauty. But though good health be one of the greateft bleffings of life, never make a boaft of it, but enjoy it in grateful filence. We fo naturally aflbciate the idea of female foftnefs and delicacy with a correfpondent delicacy of conftitution, that when a woman fpeaks of her great ftrength, her extraordinary appetite, her abi¬ lity AMUSEMENTS. 51 lity to bear exceflive fatigue, we re¬ coil at the defcription in a way (lie is little aware of. The intention of your being taught needle-work, knitting, and fuch like, is not on account of the intrinfic va¬ lue of all you can do with your hands, which is trifling, but to enable you to judge more perfectly of that kind of work, and to direft the execution of it in others. Another principal end is to enable you to fill up, in a tole¬ rably agreeable way, fome of the many folitary hours you muff necef- farily pafs at home. — It is a great •article in the happinefs of life, to r 2 have 5 2 AMUSEMENTS. have your pleafures as independent of others as poffible. By continually gadding abroad in fearch of amufe- ment, you lofe the refpect of all your acquaintances, whom you opprefs with thofe vifits, which, by a more difcreet management, might have been courted. The domeftic oeconomy of a fa¬ mily is entirely a woman’s province, and furnifhes a variety of fubjefls for the exertion both of good fenfe and good tafte. If you ever come to have the charge of a family, it ought to engage much of your time and atten¬ tion ; nor can you be excufed from this AMUSEMENTS. 53 this by any extent of fortune, though with a narrow one the ruin that fol¬ lows the negledt of it may be more immediate. I am at the greateft lofs what to advife you in regard to books. There is no impropriety in your reading hif- tory, or cultivating any art or fcience to which genius or accident lead you. The whole volume of Nature lies open to your eye, and furnifhes an infinite variety of entertainment. If I was fure that Nature had given you fuch ftrong principles of tafte and fentiment as would remain with you, and influence your future conduft, e 3 with 54 AMUSEMENTS. with the utmoft pleafure would I en¬ deavour to direct your reading in inch a way as might form that tafte to the utmoft perfedtion of truth and elegance. £ ‘ But when I refleft how eafy it is to warm a girl’s imagina¬ tion, and how difficult deeply and permanently to affedt her heart j how readily fhe enters into every refinement of fentiment, and how eafily ffie can facrifice them to va¬ nity or convenienceI think I may ver* probably do you an injury by artificially creating a tafte, which if Nature never gave it you, would only ferve to embarrafs your future condudt.—I do not want to make you any AMUSEMENTS. 55 any thing: I want to know what Na¬ ture has made you, and to perfect you on her plan. I do not with you to have fentiments that might perplex you : I wifh you to have fentiments that may uniformly and fleadily guide you, and fuch as your hearts fo thoroughly approve, that you would not forego them for any confideration this world' could offer. Drefs is an important article in female life. The love of drefs is na¬ tural to you, and therefore it is pro¬ per and reafonable. Good fenfe will regulate your expence in it, and good fade will diredt you to drefs in fuch a M way AMUSEMENTS. 5 6 way as to conceal any blemifhes, and let off your beauties, if you have any, to the greateft advantage. But much delicacy and judgment are required in the application of this rule. A fine woman {hews her charms to moft ad¬ vantage, when fire feems moft to con¬ ceal them, 1 he fineft bofom in nature is not fo fine as what imagination forms. The moft perfect elegance of drefs appears always the moft eafy, and the leaf! ftudied. Do not confine your attention to drefs to your public appearances. Accuftom yourfelves to an habitual neatnefs, fo that in the moft carelefs undrefs. AMUSEMENTS. 57 undrefs, in your mofl unguarded hours, you may have no reafon to be afhamed of your appearance.—You will not eafily believe how much we confider your drefs as exprefiive of your characters. Vanity, levity, flo- venlinefs, folly, appear through it. An elegant fimplicity is an equal proot of tafte and delicacy. In dancing, the principal points you are to attend to are eafe and grace. I would have you to dance with fpi- rit-: but never allow yourfelves to be fo far tranfported with mirth, as to forget the delicacy of your fex.— Many a girl dancing in the gaiety and mno- 5 « AMUSEMENTS. innocence of her heart, is thought to difcover a fpirit fhe little dreams of. I know no entertainment that gives fuch pleafure to any perfon of fenti- ment or humour, as the theatre.— But I am forry to fay, there are few Englifh comedies a lady can fee, without a fhock to delicacy. You will not readily fufpeft the comments gentlemen make on your behaviour on fuch occafions. Men are often bell acquainted with the moll worth- lefs of your fex, and from them too readily form their judgment of the reft. A virtuous girl often hears very indelicate things with a counte¬ nance AMUSEMENTS. 59 nance no-wife embarraffed, becaufe in truth fhe does not underhand them. Yet this is, molt ungene- roufly, afcribed to that command of features, and that ready prefence of mind, which you are thought to poffefs in a degree far beyond us; or, by (till more malignant ob- fervers, it is afcribed to hardened effrontery. Sometimes a girl laughs with all the fimplicity of unfufpefting inno¬ cence, for no other reafon but being .infedted with other people’s laugh¬ ing : fhe is then believed to know more than fhe fhould do. — If fhe does happen 6o AMUSEMENTS. happen to underhand an improper thing, fhe fuffers a very complicated diflrefs: fhe feels her modefly hurt in the mofl fenfible manner, and at the fame time is alhamed of appear¬ ing confcious of the injury. The only way to avoid thefe inconveni- encies, is never to go to a play that is particularly offenfive to delicacy.— Tragedy fubjefts you to no fuch diflrefs.—Its forrows will foften and ennoble your hearts. I need fay little about gaming, the ladies in this country being as yet alrnofl ftrangers to it.—It is a ruinous and incurable vicej and as it I AMUSEMENTS. 6l it leads to all the felfilh and turbulent paflions, is peculiarly odious in your fex. I have no objection to your playing a little at any kind of game, as a variety in your amufements, pro¬ vided that what you can poflibly lofe is fuch a trifle, as can neither interefl: you, nor hurt you. In this, as well as in all important points of conduct, fhew a determin¬ ed refolution and fteadinefs. This is not in the leaft inconfiftent with that foftnefs and gentlenefs fo ami¬ able in your fex. On the contrary, it gives that fpirit to a mild and fweet * ■ ! 6 2 AMUSEMENTS. fweet difpofition, without which it is apt to degenerate into infipidity. It makes you refpettable in your own eyes, and dignifies you in ours. [ ] FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, MARRIAGE. T he luxury and diffipation that prevails in genteel life, as it corrupts the heart in many refpecls, fo it renders it incapable of warm, fmcere, and Heady friendffiip. A happy choice of friends will be of the utmofl confequence to you, as they may affift you by their advice and good offices. But the immediate gratification which friendffiip affords to a warm, open, and ingenuous heart, is of itfelf a fufficient motive to court it. o In 64 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, In the choice of your friends, have your principal regard to goodnefs of heart and fidelity. If they alfo pof- fefs tafte and genius, that will ftill make them more agreeable and ufe- ful companions. You have par¬ ticular reafon to place confidence in thofe who have fhewn affec¬ tion for you in your early days, when you were incapable of making them any return. This is an obli¬ gation for which you cannot be too grateful.—When you read this, you will naturally think of your mo¬ ther’s friend, to whom you owe fo much. If Marriage. «5 If you have the good fortune to meet with any who deferve the name of friends, unbofom yourfelf to them with the mod unfufpicious confidence. It is one of the world’s maxims, never to truft any perfon with a fecret, the difcovery of which could give you any pain ; but it is the maxim of a little mind and a cold heart, unlefs where it is the effect of frequent dis¬ appointments and bad ufage. An open temper, if reftrained but by tolerable prudence, will make you, on the whole, much happier than a referved fufpicious one, although you may fometimes fuffer by it. Cold- r-k fs and diflnift are but the too cer- f tain 66 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, tain confequences of age and expe¬ rience ; but they are unpleafant feel¬ ings, and need not be anticipated before their time. But however open you may be in talking of your own affairs, never difclofe the fecrets of one friend to another. Thefe are facred depofits, which do not belong to you, nor have you any right to make ufe of them. There is another cafe, in which I fufpeft it is proper to be fecret, not fo much from motives of prudence, as delicacy; I mean in love matters. Though MARRIAGE. 6 7 Though a woman has no reafon to be afhamed of an attachment to a man of merit, yet Nature, whofe authority is fuperior to philofophy, has annexed a fenfe of fhame to it. It is even long before a woman of delicacy dares avow to her own heart that fhe loves; and when all the fubterfuges of ingenuity to conceal it from herfelf fail, file feels a violence done both to her pride and to her modefty. This, I fliould imagine, mull always be the cafe where fhe is not fure of a return to her attachment. In fuch a fituation, to lay the heart -open to any perfon whatever, does F 2 not 68 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, not appear to me confident with the perfection of female delicacy. But perhaps I am in the wrong.—At the fame time I muff tell you, that, in point of prudence, it concerns you to attend well to the confequences of fuch a difcovery. Thefe fecrets, however important in your own edi- mation, may appear very trifling to your friend, who poffibly will not enter into your feelings, but may rather confider them as a fubjedt of pleafantry. For this reafon, love- fecrets are of all others the word kept. But the confequences to you may be very ferious, as no man of fpirit and delicacy ever valued a heart much MARRIAGE. 69 much hackneyed in the ways of love. If, therefore, you muff have a friend to pour out your heart to, be fure of her honour and fecrecy. Let her not be a married woman, efpe- cially if file lives happily with her hufband. There are certain un¬ guarded moments, in which fuch a . woman, though the bed and wor- thiefl of her fex, may let hints efcape, which at other times, or to any other perfon than her hufband, ilie would be incapable of; nor will a hufband in this cafe feel himfelf under the fame obligation of fecrecy and ho- f 3 nour, 70 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, nour, as if you had put your confi¬ dence originally in himfelf, efpecially on a fubjedl which the world is apt to treat fo lightly. If all other circumdances are equal, there are obvious advantages in your making friends of one another. The ties of blood, and your being fo much united in one common intered, form an additional bond of union to your friendfhip. If your brothers fhould have the good fortune to have hearts fufceptible of friendfhip, to poflefs truth, honour, fenfe, and delicacy of fentiment, they are the fitted: and mod unexceptionable confidants. By pla* MARRIAGE. 7 1 cing confidence in them, you will receive every advantage which you could hope for from the friendfhip of men, without any of the inconve¬ niences that attend fuch connexions with our fex. Beware of making confidants of your fervants. Dignity not properly underfiood very readily degenerates into pride, which enters into no friend- fnips, becaufe it cannot bear an equal, and is fo fond of flattery as to grafp at it even from fervants and depen¬ dants. The moft intimate confi¬ dants, therefore, of proud people, are valets-de-chambre anti waiting-wo- f 4 men. 72 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, men. Shew the utmoft humanity to your fervants; make their Situation as comfortable to them as poflible : but if you make them your confidants, you fpoil them, and debafe yourfelves. Never allow any perfon, under the pretended fandion of friendfhip, to be fo familiar as to lofe a proper re- fped for you. Never allow them to teaze you on any fubjed that is dif- agreeable, or where you have once taken your refolution. Many will tell you, that this referve is incon- fiftent with the freedom which friend- ihip allows. But a certain refped is as neceffary in friendfiiip as in love. Without MARRIAGE. 73 Without it, you may be liked as a child, but you will never be beloved as an equal. The temper and difpofitions of the heart in your fex make you enter more readily and warmly into friendfhips than men. Your natural propenfity to it is fo ftrong, that you often run into intimacies which you foon have fufficient caufe to repent of; and this makes your friendfhips fo very fluctuating. Another great obftacle to the lin- cerity as well as fteadinefs of your friendfhips, is the great clafhing of your 74 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, your interefts in the purfuits of love, ambition, or vanity. For thefe rea- fons, it would appear at firft view more eligible for you to contract your friendlhips with the men. Among other obvious advantages of an eafy intercourfe between the two fexes, it occafions an emulation and exertion in each to excel and be agree¬ able : hence their refpective excellen¬ cies are mutually communicated and blended. As their interefts in no degree interfere, there can be no foundation for jealoufy, or fufpicion of rivallhip. The friendfhip of a man for a woman is always blended with a tendernefs, which he never feds MARRIAGE. 75 feels for one of his own fex, even where love is in no degree concerned. Befides, we are confcious of a natu¬ ral title you have to our prote&ion and good offices, and therefore we feel an additional obligation of ho¬ nour to ferve you, and to obferve an inviolable fecrecy, whenever you con¬ fide in us. But apply thefe obfervations with great caution. Thoufands of wo¬ men of the bell hearts and fined parts have been ruined by men who approach them under the fpecious name of friendship. But fuppofing a man j6 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, a man to have the rnoft undoubted honour, yet his friendfhip to a wo¬ man is fo near a-kin to love, that if fhe be very agreeable in her perfon, fhe will probably very foon find a lover, where fhe only wilhed to meet a friend.—Let me here, however, warn you againfl that weaknefs fo common among vain women, the imagination that every man who takes particular notice of you is a lover. Nothing can expofe you more to ridicule, than the taking up a man on the fufpicion of being your lover, who perhaps never once thought of you in that view, and 3 S ivin S MARRIAGE. 77 giving yourfelves thofe airs fo com¬ mon among filly women on fuch oc- cafions. There is a kind of unmeaning gal¬ lantry much pra&ifed by fome men, which, if you have any difcernment, you will find really very harmlefs. Men of this fort will attend vou to J public places, and be ufeful to you by a number of little obfervances, which thofe of a fuperior clafs do not fo well underhand, or have not lei¬ sure to regard, or perhaps are too proud to fubmit to. Look on the compliments of fuch men as words of courfe, which they repeat to every agreeable 78 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, agreeable woman of their acquaint¬ ance. There is a familiarity they are apt to alfume, which a proper dignity in your behaviour will be eafily able to check. There is a different fpecies of men whom you may like as agreeable companions, men of worth, take, and genius, whofe converfation, in fome refpects, may be fuperior to what you generally meet with among your own fex. It will be foolifh in you to deprive yourfelves of an ufeful and agreeable acquaintance, merely becaufe idle people fay he is your lover. Such a man may like your company. MARRIAGE. 79 company, without having any defign on your perfon. People whofe fentiments, and par- ticularly whofe taftes, correfpond, na¬ turally like to affociate together, al¬ though neither of them have the mod diftant view of any further connec¬ tion. But as this fimilarity of minds often gives rife to a more tender at¬ tachment than friendship, it will be prudent to keep a watchful eye over yourfelves, left your hearts become too far engaged before you are aware of it. At the fame time, I do not think that your fex, at leaft in this part of the world, have much of that fenfi- 80 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE* fenfibility which difpofes to fuch at¬ tachments. What is commonly call¬ ed love among you is rather grati¬ tude, and a partiality to the man who prefers you to the reft of your fex ; and fuch a man you often marry, with little of either perfonal efteem or affection. Indeed, without an um ufual fhare of natural fenfibility, and very peculiar good fortune, a woman in this country has very little proba¬ bility of marrying for love. It is a maxim laid down among you, and a very prudent one it is, That love is not to begin on your part, but is entirely to be the confe- quence MARRIAGE. 8 I quence of our attachment to you. Now, fuppofmg a woman to have fenfe and tafte, fhe will not find many men to whom fhe can poffibly be fuppofed to bear any confiderable fhare of efteem. Among thefe few it is very great chance if any of them diftinguifhes her particularly. Love, at Ieaft with us, is exceedingly capricious, and will not always fix where reafon fays it fhould. But fuppofmg one of them fhould be¬ come particularly attached to her, it is ftill extremely improbable that he fhould be the man in the world her heart mod approved of. o 82 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, As, therefore, Nature has not given you that unlimited range in your choice which we enjoy, fhe has wifely and benevolently affigned to you a greater flexibility of tade on this fubjeft. Some agreeable quali¬ ties recommend a gentleman to your common good liking and friendfhip. In the courfe of his acquaintance, he contrails an attachment to you. When you perceive it, it excites your gratitude; this gratitude rifes into a preference, and this preference perhaps at lad advances to fome degree of attachment, efpecially if it meets with crolfes and difficulties ; for thefe, and a date of fufpenfe, are very MARRIAGE. 8 3 very great incitements to attachment, and are the food of love in both fexes. If attachment was not excited in your fex in this manner, there is not one of a million of you that could ever marry with any degree of love. A man of tafte and delicacy mar¬ ries a woman becaufe he loves her more than any other. A woman of equal tafte and delicacy marries him becaufe die eftcems him, and becaufe he gives her that preference. But if a man unfortunately becomes attach¬ ed to a woman whofe heart is fecretly pre-engaged, his attachment, inftead of obtaining a fuitable return, is par- o 2 ticularly 34 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, ticularly ofFenfive; and if he per- fifts to teaze her, he makes himfelf equally the objefl of her fcorn and averfion. The effects of love among men are diverfified by their different tempers. An artful man may counterfeit every one of them fo as eafily to impofe on a young girl of an open, generous, and feeling heart, if fhe is not ex¬ tremely on her guard. The finefl parts in fuch a girl may not always prove fufficient for her fecurity. The dark and crooked paths of cunning are unfearchable and inconceivable to an honourable and elevated mind. The MARRIAGE. *5 The following, I apprehend, are the molt genuine effe&s of an honour¬ able paffion among the men, and the molt difficult to counterfeit. A man of delicacy often betrays his paffion by his too great anxiety to conceal it, efpecially if he has little hopes of fuccefs. True love, in all its ftages, feeks concealment, and never expe&s fuccefs. It renders a man not only refpe&ful, but timid to the highefl degree in his behaviour to the woman he loves. To conceal the awe he Hands in of her, he may fometimes affeft pleafantry, but it fits awk¬ wardly on him, and he quickly re- lapfes into ferioufnefs, if not into dul- g 3 nefs. 86 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, nefs. He magnifies all her real per¬ fections in his imagination, and is either blind to her failings, or con¬ verts them into beauties. Like a perfon confcious of guilt, he is jea¬ lous that every eye obferves him; and to avoid this, he fhuns all the little obfervances of common gal¬ lantry. His heart and his character will be improved in every refpeCt by his at¬ tachment. His manners will become more gentle, and his converfation more agreeable; but diffidence and embarraffment will always make him appear to difadvantage in the com¬ pany marriage. 87 pany of his miftrefs. If the fafcina^- tion continue long, it will totally de- prefs his fpirit, and extinguifh every adtive, vigorous, and manly principle of his mind. You will find this fub- jedt beautifully and pathetically paint¬ ed in Thomfon’s Spring. When you obferve in a gentle¬ man’s behaviour thefe marks which I have defcribed above, reflect fe- rioufly what you are to do. If his attachment is agreeable to you, I leave you to do as nature, good fenfe, and delicacy fhall diredt you. If you love him, let me advife you ne¬ ver to difcover to him the full extent g 4 of 28 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, of your love; no, not although you marry him. That fufficiently fhews your preference, which i3 all he is intitled to know. If he has delicacy, he will alk for no Wronger proof of your afle&ion, for your fake; if he has fenfe, he will not alk it for his own. This is an unpleafant truth, but it is my duty to let you know it. Violent love cannot fubfift, at Ieaft cannot be exprelfed, Tor any time to¬ gether, on both fides; otherwife the certain confequence, however con¬ cealed, is fatiety and difgulf. Na¬ ture in this cafe has laid the referve on you. if MARRIAGE. «9 If you fee evident proofs of a gen¬ tleman’s attachment,, and are deter¬ mined to fhut your heart againft him, as you ever hope to be ufed with generality by the perfon who fhall engage your own heart, treat him honourably and humanely. Do not let him linger in a miferable fufpenfe, but be anxious to let him know your fentiments with regard to him. However people’s hearts may de¬ ceive them, there is fcarcely a perfon that can love for any time without at lead fome diftant hope of fuccefs. If you really wifh to undeceive a lover, you may do it in a variety of ways. 90 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, ways. There is a certain fpecies of eafy familiarity in your behaviour, which may fatisfy him, if he has any difcernment left, that he has nothing to hope for. But perhaps your par¬ ticular temper may not admit of this. —You may eahly fhew that you want to avoid his company; but if he is a man whole friendlhip you wifh to preferve, you may not chufe this method, becaufe then you lofe him in every capacity.—You may get a common friend to explain matters to him, or fall on many other devices, if you are ferioully anxious to put him out of fufpenfe. But MARRIAGE. 9 I But if you are refolved againd every fuch method, at lead; do not dnm opportunities of letting him ex¬ plain himfelf. If you do this, you aft barbaroufly and unjudly. If he brings you to an explanation, give him a polite, but refolute and deci- five anfwer. In whatever way you convey your fentiments to him, if he is a man of fpirit and delicacy, he will give you no further trouble, nor apply to your friends for their inter- ceffion. This lad is a method of courtfhip which every man of fpirit will difdain. He will never whine nor fue for your pity. That would mortify him almod as much as your 3 fcorn. 92 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, fcorn. In ffiort, you may poffibly break fuch a heart, but you can ne¬ ver bend it. Great pride always accompanies delicacy, however con¬ cealed under the appearance of the utmoft gentlenefs and modefty, and is the paffion of all others the moll difficult to conquer. There is a cafe where a woman may coquette juftifiably to the utmoft verge which her confcience will al¬ low. It is where a gentleman pur- pofely declines to make his addreffes, till fuch time as he thinks himfelf perfe&Iy fure of her confent. This at bottom is intended to force a wo¬ man MARRIAGE. 93 man to give up the undoubted privi¬ lege of her fex, the privilege of re¬ futing ; it is intended to force her to explain herfelf, in effedt, before the gentleman deigns to do it, and by this means to oblige her to violate the modefty and delicacy of her fex, and to invert the cleared order of nature. All this facrifice is propofed to be made merely to gratify a moti: defpicable vanity in a man who would degrade the very woman whom he wilhes to make his wife. It is of great importance to ditiin- guilh, whether a gentleman who has the appearance of being your lover, delays 94 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, delays to fpeak explicitly, from the motive I have mentioned, or from a diffidence infeparable from true at¬ tachment. In the one cafe you can fcarcely ufe him too ill; in the other, you ought to ufe him with great kind- nefs: and the greatefl kindnefs you can Ihew him, if you are determined not to liften to his addreffies, is to let him know it as foon as poffible. I know the many excufes with which women endeavour to juftify themfelves to the world, and to their .own confciences, when they a£l other- wife. Sometimes they plead igno¬ rance, or at lead: uncertainty, of the gentleman’s MARRIAGE. 95 gentleman’s real fentiments. That may fometimes be the cafe. Some¬ times they plead the decorum of their fex, which enjoins an equal be¬ haviour to all men, and forbids them to confider any man as a lover till he has directly told them fo. — Perhaps few women carry their ideas of fe¬ male delicacy and decorum fo far as I do. But I muff fay, you are not intitled to plead the obligation of thefe virtues, in oppofition to the fu- perior ones of gratitude, juftice, and humanity. The man is intitled ■ to all thefe, who prefers you to the reft of your fex, and perhaps whofe great- eft weaknefs is this very preference. — The g6 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, —The truth of the matter is, vanity, and the love of admiration, is fo prevailing a paflion among you, that you may be confidered to make a very great facrifice whenever you give up a lover, till every art of co¬ quetry fails to keep him, or till he forces you to an explanation. You can be fond of the love, when you are indifferent to, or even when you defpife, the lover. But the deepeft and moft artful coquetry is employed by women of fuperior tafle and fenfe, to engage and fix the heart of a man whom the world and whom they themfelves efleem, MARRIAGE. 97 efteem, although they are firmly de¬ termined never to marry him. But his converfation amufes them, and his attachment is the higheft gratifi¬ cation to their vanity ; nay, they can fometimes be gratified with the utter ruin of his fortune, fame, and hap- pinefs.—God forbid I fhould ever think fo of all your fex ! I know many of them have principles, have gene- rofity and dignity of foul that elevate them above the worthlefs vanity I have been fpeaking of. Such a woman, I am perfuaded, may always convert a lover, if fhe cannot give him her affections, into H a warm 98 FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, a warm and Heady friend, provided he is a man of fenfe, refolution, and candour. If fhe explains herfelf to him with a generous opennefs and freedom, he mull feel the flroke as a man ; but he will likewife bear it as a man: what he fuffers, he will fuffer in filence. Every fentiinent of efteem will remain ; but love, though it requires very little food, and is eafily furfeited with too much, yet it requires fome. He will view her in the light of a married woman; and though paffion fubfides, yet a man of a candid and generous heart always retains a tendernefs for a woman he has once loved, and who has ufed him MARRIAGE. 99 him well, beyond what he feels for any other of her fex. If he has not confided his own f