Ghe of LIFE ''i/'lli'':ii!iili ill! illili l liHli I iii l iiilii!l ' f-- 'M^^iM^'''''i ■^-: ** •' :;o„ - '-i;- ' ' ,ii,Tsr.-^*-: **■» ••' *^<* •; ■fj«'- ir--^^^' ^■■* '' '•''■■%« ■' Si> ■■ ■■■ 4 '^?' ^ - ■, PMH ^ . < •■'%.*' ' -^r -$(l ■ ^''■l y.'.. yv j.'v j? ■ •'■ 4 ,.«^- i_- A ^ ■.■■■». -,=*^^:' v'^.:. ■: ;• ■ „ - ■ 5 - _ •'• •- -‘ ■■' - ■ •; /i .X:- .' 5-^,- ^ ■• P - ‘ •= ?;■ i : V ■>-,-„^-^.v ■ ■; ■ " ' 5 ^' - V ^i^'tSir' Sc •iu^-.'"'--’ ^ ' - --' - ^ ^ I ^ -'-«x.^ 4 ' »■' ■ ^v ^ .,/■ ^ ■■ ■ ■’ !» > */ ‘*-- ♦•5-' ■ V ».-KwV .X ► *' ■ p> % * 1^ w; S' "X w 1 =* *-# * ■<*- • . -. 1 -:-' ' -.(E ►'ll ■ 4 vs._ % ■ * ~ ■* ,W'. . t Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2016 https://archive.org/details/comedyoflifeOOunse THE COME O E El E E DY “ The world is a comedy to those that think." — HORACE WALPOLE. NEW YORK LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 1907 Copyright, 1907, by LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY, New York City. Uniform with this volume THE SOCIAL COMEDY. Price, $2.00. THE SCHILLING PRESS, NEW YORK T H K C O M K D Y OK L I K E 'I HE OVERTURE. The Comedy of Life AT THE AMATEUR THEATRICALS. She: Do you think my husband will object to your making love to me? “ Oh, no. He knows I wouldn't if I didn’t have to.” The Comedy of Life IN A NEW YORK RESTAURANT. “Wlio are those people, Isadore?” “Americans. Tliey seem to be piisliing in everywhere.” The Comedy Life o F WHERE THERE’S SMOKE, THERE'S EIRE The Comedy of Life “ You might ask your mistress if she is at home.” '■ It's no use, sir. She saw you coming.” The Comedy of Life TO EXCHANGE. An artistic, impractical, ardent husband for one with an income, however small The C o im e I) y ok Like IDENTIFIED. Medium: I see a man. He is making love to some woman and is smoking and drinking. “iYes, yes, that’s my husband.” The Comedy of Life “ I hear, sir, that Freddy is working as a clerk in your brokerage office.” ‘‘Yes. I want him to learn enough about the business to let it alone after I die.” T H K C O M E D Y OF L I F E SUSANNE. RUMMER’S gone, the ruddy rover, Witli the sunshine of his smiles — Bands of bees above the clover. Wren-song down the woodland aisles : But the autumn light discloses He has left a touch of tan And the glamour of his roses On the cheeks of fair Susanne. What the drifting of her dreams are. Who can tell by what bright shorts? — Limpid lakes where rainbow gleams are Shattered by the dip of oars ; Blissful hours of moonlight boating Where a lyric river ran — Thoughts of these perchance go floating Through the brain of fair Susanne. Or mayhap her flocking fancies (Gossamer were not so light !) Bring back climbs or drives or dances In the mountains — Green or White, Golf — if that game seem not gruesome — Haply in her visions scan ; O to play a truant “twosome” By the side of fair Susanne ! What if all this talk were folly? That were not a great surprise ! Sooth, no mood of melancholy Looks from out the maiden’s eyes ! Maybe (scoff not Punchinello !) ’Tis the future and a man (What a lucky, lucky fellow !) Fill the mind of fair Susanne! Clinton Scollard. \ SUSANNE. The Comedy of Life *'CCOR\TKn J • I NTC%T I rllt*' ' I WINGS 'Jl I MEMDEm I WHILE. ^ ^WAIT-.liC . WINGS- POWDERED "UV(r)>h%lU GETTING READY FOR SPRING The Comedy o e L i e e Copyright. 1906. by Life Pub. Co. ms .MASTKK’S VOICE. The Comedy Life o F f y Three moves are as bad as a fire The Comedy of Life “ How long have you been in love with him ?’’ “ Ever since I rejected him.” The Comedy of Life \ Reporter to Prospective Suicide : Say, old chap, if you want to get into the evening paper you’d better hurry up. The Comedy o i-' Like Mandy, what makes your teeth always so nice ami wliite ‘‘ Oh, notliing l>ut Sapolio and your tooth brush.” The Comedy of Life Copyright 1906, by Life Pub. Co. HER ANSWER. The Com EDY OF Life Cusfoui House Officer: Anything to declare, sir? '• Nothing hut myself. But I declared that on the way over.” The Comedy of Life He : I hope the fact that I’ve led a gay life and been out nights a great deal won’t make any difference. “ Indeed it does. If I accepted you, you might reform.” T II E C O :\I K I) V O F Iv I F E Copyriglit. I9U6, by Life I’ub. Co. THAT DEFERRED VACATION Thh Comedy of Life FROM AN ARTIST’S SKETCH BOOK. The Comedy of Life J/iss Ncvcrgo: Oh, I nuist tell you about niy trip to California. The Comedy of Life Olto Scorcher (jusl after being struck'): The railroad’s disregard of human life is simply astounding. I’m sure the engineer heard my horn and knew that I was trying to break a record. The C (J M E I) Y O F h I K E “AS IN A LOOKING-GLASS.” The Comedy of Life The Comedy of Life “Wilt tliou take this title with its debts and manifold ailments to be thy wedded husband?” “ I will.” “Wilt tliou take this American heiress to be thy wedded wife?” “Well, rather!” The CoiMEDY OF Life The servant girl question is to be solved at last— the Indian is being educated for domestic service The Comedy Life o E •• Did she get the man she wanted?” ■‘Oh, no! She is most happily married.” The Comedy of Life THOSE TICKETS. Mr. New Jersey takes his wife and her mother to the opera, THE TATTLE-TALE The Comedy of Life AT NIAGARA. Warning to tourists; Keep close to the guide and avoid unnecessary danger. The Comedy of Life " Did I see you kissing niy daughter, sir ? ” I really don’t know. sir. I was too much occupied at the time to notice. Isa The CoiMEDY OF Life A WRITE-UP SPOILED. “ Burglars ! And my new diamond pin hasn’t come home ; and sister borrowed the best silver yesterday.” T PI E C O IM E D V Life o E Young Wife: Oh, I just love to bluff ! The Comedy of Life Those insulting bachelor congratulations.” The Comedy of Life Df)ii’t you think, Mabel, it was foolish of us to have such an expensive wedding ? “ Yes, dear ; but we’ll both know better next time,” The CoiMEDY Life o F THE GENERAL OFFICE OF STORK AND CO r • The Comedy of L i i- e 2 ^4 V “WOMAN.” The Comedy of Life “ I promised to give George my answer in a week.” ” I promised to give him mine in three days.” The Comedy of Life ■' Why did you have the sun-dial moved, Amy ?” ■■ I wanted it vvliere tlie moonlight \vf)uld shine on it, so we could tell the time at night,” Th K Comedy OF Life Copyright, 1906, by Life Pub. Co. A CANDIDATE The Comedy of Life Head of Institute: I’m afraid we can’t cure your husband of drinking, madame. She : Your note said it could be done in six months. “True ; but I hadn’t seen you then.’’ The Comedy of Life “ Is your engagement a secret ? ” “ Oh, no. The girl knows it.” The Comedy oe Life MARRIED LIFE IN UTAH One at a time, dears.” The Comedy of Life “ Anything to declare, miss ? ” “Yes. One Duke slightly damaged.’’ The C o im e d y Like o E “ Young man, can you sit up and make love to a girl every night and do justice to your work during the day ? ” “ No. sir. And I’ve decided to give up my job, as I can’t keep it and do justice to the girl.” The Comedy of Life VARIATIONS of THE OLD, SWEET SONG. The Comedy of Life “ Why do you refuse to look at my sketches ? ” “ Well, Jack saw them, you know, and he says there isn’t a decent one in the wliole batch.” The Comedy Life o F CEMUINE w CMCLANO iEP DINNER uTuCKLEBeRRYl COUWTYj j ORANCe I IaS’OCI'-TIONI pCRMrY QUILT. ^HpSY |not) Cl. ‘ [ DAraY h^UArfc THE LITTLE GEW ' 1)01)0 mCUBATOR/J, ■ S'. t -SlMK 'ittPRESH THE ORIGINAL COUNTY FAIR The Comedy of Life Copyright 1900. bv f.ifc Pub Co “ She looks modern.” ‘‘ Modern ! ” ” Her gown is cut so low.” Thk Comedy of Life GOLF AT FROGVILLE. Sg;ill(r. The Comedy of Life THE FIRST VALENTINE The Comedy of Life A CHICAGO WIDOW’S LATE HUSBAND AS HE APPEARED TO THE MEDIUM. The C o :m E d y of Life ^/is(lTSs: ^’ou ruined that terrapin last night, Ellen. 1 can't have things wasted so. " Sure, muni, ’twasn’t wasted. We ate it in the kitchen.” The Comedy oe Life TO SUMMER. ^HOU sweet enchantress of the joj'oiis year ; Thou bringest bliss to all who worship ease ; Thy smile is sunshine and thy breath, the breeze Wine to my lips and music to mine ear ? Thou art the child of Time I most revere, Since thou dost let me do just as I please — Loaf, flirt and smoke, and on the links and leas Wander at will with whom my heart holds dear. Ices and juleps thou dost bring to me. Cool and refreshing ; and the crimson rose Thou givest to the garden wherein She, Thy younger sister, often with me goes : Love’s token this — let it thine emblem be — Thy fragrant lyric in life’s leafy prose. F. D. S. THE GENTLE SPORT. The C o :m e d y o e L i e e ^^rs■ Pilcition Ho her coachman): James, I trust that you are an attendant at religious exercises ? " Oh, yes, mem, I goes as often as I has the chance, mem,” ■■ .^nd I trust that you feel it your duty to lead such a life here as will assure you a place among the good in the next world ? ” ■■ Oh, yes, mem, I tries to. Thank you kindly, mem.” '■ I am glad of it James. I have been sf> much pleased with your services that it is a real comfort to me to know that if we are permitted to have coachmen in Heaven I may continue to employ you there.” The Comedy of Life First Mormon : How did that chorus girl you married turn out ? Second Morjuon : Splendid. I’m now trying to make arrangements with the rest of the chorus The Comedy of Life “ Model ? No, I am not drawing any girls now. I’m only painting fruit.” ‘‘ Well ! Ain’t I a peach ?” The Co^^iedy Life o F “ Why did you let him in the house if you couldn’t trust him ? ” “ But, good Fleavens, man ! I didn’t know he was going to run off with my daughter— I thoughtjt was^my wife.” The Co m e d y of Lie e Young Husband : I knew yon would suit my mother The Co^^iedy oe Life VALENTINES Old and new. The C o m e d y o e Li e p: Me : Which do you prefer, dear, a house or a church wedding? “ It makes little difference, so long as it’s binding.” The Comedy of Life BEFORE THE CEREMONY. Friend of the bride-to-be : And I suppose that is your prayer-book ? Oh no! that would be out of date. These are my bridge cards that I am to carry.” T H p: Com p: d y L I P' F, o K AT THE \VEDl)L\(j. “ Bobby, why don’t you stand up? “Are we to be married, too?" The Comedy of Tiee HIS AUDIENCE The C o m k d y L I E H o F lie: How miic’.i do you think I ouglit to give the minister, dear? She : Wliatever it is wortli. “ But I can’t tell that until afterwards.” The Comedy Life o F U’ifey : Mother has changed! I don’t quite like the way she looks, do you “No, my dear, I never did!’’ The Comedy of Life r S/ie : Look, dear ! Papa’s check will pay for our wedding trip. The Duke: But what are we going to do afterwards? THE LEADING LADY The Comedy of Life “ Robert, what did you put in the cocktails ?’’ Xeu' litiUcr: Everything we had, ma’am. The C OMEDY OF Life Crandfailier {eni/iusiastically) : Say, Willie, don't you want to go through a toy shop with me this afternoon and see all the pretty things ? Willie {indifferently) : I'm willing to, pop, if you will get any pleasure out of it. The Comedy o e Li e e Cooyriirht. 19U6. by I.ife Pub. Co. THO’ LOST TO SIGHT, TO MEMORY DEAR The Comedy oe Life The C o m k d y f Li e e Parson : Do you take tliis woman for t)etter or for worse ? Ilridci^room : W'ell, I can’t exactly say. Her people think it’s for better, but mine think it's for worse. The Comedy Life o F WALL STREET GHOSTS mm- The Comedy of Life CHERRIES are RIPE The Comedy OE Life THE ECHO The Comedy of Life “ By Jove, I’ve been awfully short of money this week. Actually had to smoke the governor s cigars.” The Comedy of Life THE CHAPERON SPEAKS. ■\ TERY limp and damp my gown and the sun is beating down ^ And my hat’s askew above my blistered face, But at least it’s consolation and a bit of compensation To know my lambs are gathered in one place. P'or Dolly, Amaryllis and the most imprudent Phyllis Are seldom found together in one spot, And the only relaxation in a chaperon’s vocation Is to get them altogether on a yacht. Hence I sit here glad, though paling, for I nevei- cared for sailing And I always had a horror of the sea. But at least the satisfaction of a little forced inaction Is a thing to be accepted thankfully. And Dolly, Amaryllis and the most imprudent Phyllis For once they bear my glance and murmur not. And content is o’er me stealing (though I’m sure my nose is peeling) For I know they can’t escape me on a yacht. Theodosia Garrison. T H K C () M K I) V O F L I F Iv The Clergyman: Are you satisfied, madam, to take this man as your husband ? The Ilride-to-he : Well, not (|uite ; but he’s the best I could get. The Comedy of Life A HEAVENLY HONEYMOON. The Comedy of L i e A FALSE ALARM. Spirit of k'uickcrhocker : Odsbodkins ! I thouglit 'twas the horn of Gabriel Thk Comedy OF Life APRIL FIRST The Comedy of Life BRIDGE. The Comedy of Life “ I'm sorry, my dear, I can’t find out what’s wrong. I’m afraid you’ll have to walk.” ‘‘ Wliy, George, I wouldn’t ask the dog to walk on roads like these; you’ll have to push the thing, that’s all.” The Comedy of Life THE CONFESSOR. The Comedy Life O F “HOME, SWEET HOME.” The shade of John Paul Jones awaits his body. Life The Comedy (j f AT BREAK OF DAY. “The early village cock hath twice done salutation to the morn." —A'ic/iard 111. The Comedy of Life THE WONDERS OF AMERICA Niagara Falls in 1950. The Comedy o e Lie SUGGESTION. ll’i/e: The ice doesn’t look very strong, does it ? “ Perhaps you'd better try it. You know you weigh more than I do.” The Comedy oe Life rai€'»lEMW| ©yg»I 9 f nWEAST SPEDAyST ^mitYTNIHC FR9H IR»H HEAKT4 T® MARft^C HEARTS^ ku, COIJPLSS MtHTiO nusr uE REPuaneo r QfJC E.'-- f®WMMY F«r'^ jARCHinVtLAfcW ra>iic» -I In)* ncAAT I AIHCS iRUNTMEUtni lltOriVEB iCitti CQU> AMOVS '• rs»»UKt«,C«BNTS 61Wt)TI.E»»*«>U"< ItKSAHITE FOB • «>vEa - lKf5mrJ^£&W£j CORONET ARROW^ FOR HEJRES5E5 | V£RV 1 USE® ®S 8 W r //IWaRSEaSKSSf INC HPART TlfROtt THE nr\jiTMAat:r T.ist or HCAKT rAlM>MC9 (UARRlfo’^N - C-P-'toV DURING THE FEBRUARY RUSH T H K Com e d y o f L i f i<: Copyrijhi, 1905, by Life Pub. Co. THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND. The Comedy oe Life The Comedy of Life Copyright 1906, by Life Pub. Co. CHRISTMAS MORNING. The Comedy OF Life Copyright, 1906. by Life Pub. Co. WHEN HIS LOVE GREW COLD The Comedy of Life “ Promise me, Jack, that you will not go to the dogs just because I have refused you.” ‘‘Oil, pshaw, of course not.” ‘ ‘ You mean thing ! ’ ’ The Comedy oe Tiee FROM AN ARTIST’S SKETCH BOOK. The Comedy o e L i e e The Chiller: You can swim, can’t yon ? The (iucst : K-no. “Then why the deuce didn't yon tell me ? I always capsize when I go out in this boat.’’ The Comedy Life o F • '’’’'"v' ■4.; N THEN AND NOW. The Comedy of Life THE COMEDIENNE. Thk Comedy OF Life /-/e .■ I woul 1 come over but I am afrai 1 of your dog She: Oh, he only bites. The Comedy of Life Copyright 1905. by Life Pub. Co. INFALLIBLE. “Those two men talking together over there are worth a good many millions between them.’’ ‘ ‘ Which is the richer ? ’ ’ “ I don’t know positively — but watch the bishop, who’s going to speak to them.’’ “ Why?’’ “ See which one he shakes hands with first.’’ The Comedy of Life ASH-WEDNESDAY The Comedy of Lie e wl'fSH SyigfgW THE HAND OF FATE. The Comedy oe Liee Dr. Probe: It might be wise for you to call in a specialist. Witherly: Then for your sake, doctor, you’d better send in your bill first. The Com e d y of Li e e Copyright, 1905. by Life Pub Co. AN EASTER HYMN. The Comedy of Life A MAP OF THE WORLD. (As seen by him.'' The Co^kiEDY Life o F Copyright, 19U4, by Life Pub. Co. THE ELOPERS The Comedy oe Life “ Young man, do you realize tliat your college career has cost me ten thousand dollars ?” “ Well, governor, it was worth it.” The Comedy of Life STRANGE. He: I sliall be just miserable wlien I have to go away and lea.ve you. “ Oh ! Jack, if I were sure of that, I’d feel so happy.” The Comedy oe Life THE new peril. A quiet'landing of The Up-in-the-Air Club The Co m k d y o e L i iv MEASUREMENT. “^liss Lovelace — Alicia — will you not consent to be mistress of my estates? I cannot tell you how much I love you.” ‘‘ Oh ! Reginald — er — perhaps you can give me a rough estimate — in acres.” The Comedy of Life He: That play actually n:ade me forget myself. “ And yet they say the drama is not a moral force.” The Comedy of Life A SLAVE OF FASHION “Ten minutes late already.” Thk Comedy of Life k AUTUMN GOES TO HER WINTER QUARTERS. T II E Co M E D Y O E L I E E He: Did you love me when >ou first saw me ? “ Oh, no ! I had to get used to you first.” The Comedy of Life CURRENT LITERATURE. “ I said my daughter had been indulgently brought up, and was used to luxury, and I could not consent to her becoming the wife of a literary man. And he said, damme, that his last book had sold a million copies and brought him in over Unee hundred thousand dollars! What’s a man to do in a case like that ? He’s got more books making, he says. I shall just have to let thefoolish girl throw herself away on him, if she wants to.” The Comedy oe Life SUMMER IS OVER Thk Comedy oe Life