2*29 Cotton's (Charles) Geniune Poetical Works: 
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The Genuine 
 
 POETICAL WORKS 
 
 O F 
 
 Charles Cotton, Efq^ 
 
 CONTAINING, 
 
 L Scarronides : Or, VirgilTravestie. 
 
 II. Lucian Burlefqu'd : Or, The Scoffer 
 
 Scoff'd. 
 
 III. The Wonders of the* Pe ake, 
 
 Illuftrated with many Curious Cuts, all New-defign/d, 
 and Engrav'd by the beft Artifts. 
 
 The Fourth Edition, Corre&ed. 
 
 LONDON: 
 Printed for J. and J. Bonwicke, S. Birt, 
 E. Wicksteed, and T, Osborne. 
 Mdccxli. 
 
SC JRRONIDES: 
 
 O R, 
 
 Virgil Traveftie. 
 
 A 
 
 MOCK - POEM 
 
 ON THE 
 
 Firftand Fourth BOOKS 
 
 O F 
 
 FIRGWs /Eneis, 
 
 In EngliJJ? Burlesque. 
 
 By CHARLES COTTON, EfqT 
 
 The Thirteenth Edition. 
 
TO THE 
 
 R E A D E R. 
 
 THE Reader is dejtred, for the better 
 comparing of the JLatin and Englifh 
 together \ to read on forward unto the enfu- 
 ing Letter of Direction, before he compare 
 the former with the Original. 
 
[ ■ J 
 
 VIRGIL 
 
 TRAVESTIE. 
 
 Sing the Man (read it who lift, 
 A Trojan true as ever pift,) 
 1 Who from Troy-Town, by Wind 
 (and Weather 
 To Italy (and God knows whirlier), 
 Was paok'd, and racked, and loft, 
 
 (and toft, 
 And bounc'd from Pillar unto Poft. 
 3 Long wander'd he thro' thick and thin i 
 Half-roafted now, now wet to th' Skin : 
 By Sea and Land, by Day and Night ; 
 * Forc'd, as 'tis faid, by the Gods Spite ; 
 Altho' the wifer Sort fuppofe, 
 5 'Twas by an old Grudge of Juno's, 
 
 1 Ar ma <vir unique cano, 1 Trojae qui primus ab oris 
 Italiam, fato prcfugus, Lavinaque venit 
 Li tor a : J multum ille t err is j aft at us & alto r 
 + Vi Superum, — — 
 ■ 5 Sceva memorem Junonis ob iram 9 
 
 A 3 A Mur- 
 
2 Virgil Travejlie. Book I. 
 
 A Murrain curry all curfl Wives ! 
 He needs muft go, the Devi/ drives. 
 
 1 Much fuffer'd he likewife in War, 
 Many dry Blows, and many a Scar : 
 Many a Rap, and much ado 
 At Quarter ftaff and Cudgels too ; 
 Before he could be quiet for 'em, 
 (Pox of all Knaves, for I abhor 'em ;) 
 Eut this fame Yonker at the laft, 
 (All Brawls and Squabbles ever- pail) 
 And all thefe Rake-hells overcome, 
 
 2 Did build a pretty Grange, call'd Rome. 
 3 But oh, my Mufe! put me in mind, 
 
 To which o'th' Gods was he unkind : 
 
 4 Or, what the Plague drd Juno mean, 
 (That crofs-grain'd, peevifh, fcolding QueanJ 
 That fcratching, cater-wawling Pufs) 
 
 5 To ufe an honeft Fellow thus ? 
 (To curry him like Pelts at Tanners) 
 0 Have GoddefTes no better Manners I 
 
 7 A little Town there was of old, 
 Thatch'd with good Straw to keep out Cold 3 
 Might Carthage, which (if not belyM) 
 Was by the Tyrians occupy 'd :] 
 
 1 Mitlta quoque & hello pajfus, du?n conderet urbe?n 
 - ■ z Atque aha mcenia Ronise 
 
 3 Mufa, mi hi caufas memora ; quo numine L-efo : 
 
 4 £>uid<ve do lens Regina Deum, 5 tot uolvere cafus 
 Infionem pietate <virum, tot adire labor es 
 Impulerit. 6 'Tant&ne animis coelejlihus ira ? 
 
 7 Urbs antiqua fuit } Tyrii tenuere Ccloni x 
 Carthago 
 
Book I. Virgil Traveftie, 
 
 8 The luftieft Carles thereabouts, 
 Rich Cuffs and very fturdy Louts. 
 9 Now this fame Carthage, you mull know 7 
 Juno did love out of all Whoe : 
 There are alive that yet will fvvear it, 
 No Village like it, no Place near it : 
 
 * Except a Place, forfooth, that's famous 
 For her own Birth, a Farm call'd Samos ; 
 Here (he her Trinkets kept and odd Things, 
 Her Needles, Poking- fticks, and Bodkins ; 
 And here, in Houfe, with her own Key-locks, 
 f She us'd to keep her Coach and Peacocks. 
 
 This Place then mainly pleas'd her Humour a 
 J But fhe had heard a fcurvy Rumour ; 
 That Trojans, arm'd in Coats of Chamlet, 
 Should one Day overthrow her Hamlet ; 
 Plunder her Cherts, Joint-ftools, and Tables, 
 And burn her Cow-houfes and Stables. 
 
 I She, fearful of this fad Prediction, 
 (Which prov'd a true one, and no Fiflion) 
 * And mindful of her injured Honour, 
 When Paris gave the Apple from her ; 
 
 * ■« 8 Studiifque a/per rima belli : 
 
 9 Quam Juno fertur t err is magis omnibus u?iam 
 
 * Vojihabitd coluijfe Samo ; \ hie illius arma % 
 Hzc cur r us fuit : ■ — ■■ 
 
 J Progeniem fed enim Trojano a /anguine duel 
 Judierat, Tyrias olim qua <verteret arces. 
 J Id metuens, ■ 
 
 1 Necdum etiam caufa irarum, ftewique do/ores • 
 Exciderant animo, Manet alt a mente repoJlu??i* 
 Judicium Paridi's 9 « ■ 
 
 A4, Did 
 
4 Virgil Traveftie, Book I, 
 Did many Years bend her Devotion, 
 
 To drown JEneas in the Ocean ; 
 .And many a flipp'ry Trick (he plaid him, 
 Till J overt lalt o'er Sea convey'd him ; 
 a So hard it is, where an old Grutch is, 
 To get cut of a Woman's Clutches. 
 
 2E«eas had not been o' th 1 Water 
 Above an Hour, or fuch a matter; 
 
 Nor farther row'd, than we may rate 
 Twixt Parfons Dock and Billing/gate, 
 Or fay, betwixt Dover and Calice, 
 3 When Juno (full of her old Malice) 
 Thus with herfelf began to muttter ; 
 Cannot I drown thefe Crows i' th' Gutter ? 
 Mult they go on, fearing no Colours ? 
 And cannot I fquander their Scullers ? 
 Mull thefe fame Trojan Rafcals nofe me, 
 * Becaufe the Fates (forfooth) oppefe me ? 
 
 5 Pallas could Wherries burn and Gillies,. 
 And clatter Mortals Bones like Tallies : 
 
 e But I, Jo<ve\ Sifter and his Wife r 
 Can do no Mifchief for my Life. 
 
 2 Tantee molis erat Romanam condere gentem, 
 Vix e confpefiu Siculae telluris in altum 
 Vela dabant l<sti, fcf fpumas falis cere ruobant ; 
 
 3 Cum juno, sternum fer<vans fub peSlore vulnusy 
 Hac fecum ; Mene incepto deMere victam ? 
 
 4 Q3 l PP e vetor fatis ! ( * Pallafne exurere clajfem 
 Argiv am potuit ? 
 
 6 Aft ego qua Divum incedo Regina, Jovifque 
 Et Soror, & Conjux, una cum gente tot annos 
 Bella gero ■ 
 
 7 Juno 
 
Book I. Virgil T ravejlie. \ 
 
 7 Juno enrag'd, and fretting thus, 
 8 Runs me unto one Mollis : 
 This JEolus, as Stories tell us, 
 Could backward blow, like a Smith's Bellows, 
 A Day, a Week, a Month together ; 
 And, by his Farting, make foul Weather ; 
 Blow Men, and Trees, and Houfes down ; 
 Great Ships and almoft Fifties drown. 
 He was, in fine, the loud'll of Farters ; 
 Yet could command his hinder Quarters^ 
 Correct his Tail, and only blow 
 If there Occafion were, or fo : 
 
 9 Whom Jove obftrving to be fo Hern, 
 In the wife Conduct of hi* Poftern, 
 He made him King of all the Puffers, 
 Which he (becaufe he knew them HufFers) 
 Durft no where venture, I mail tell ye, 
 But in the Caverns of his Belly : 
 Which having but one Poftern- Gate 
 For thefe mad Boys to faliy at, 
 He might the fafter peg them in, 
 And by the plucking out a Pin, 
 Then (at his Eafe) Arfing about 
 To any Quarter, let them out. 
 
 * To this fame King Queen June pofted, 
 And thus in flatt'ring Terms accofted ; 
 
 ' Talia flammato fecum Dea corde <volutans, 
 
 8 ^Eoliam <venit : hie <vajlo Rex ^Eolus antra 
 Luclantes <ventos tempeflatefque /moras 
 Imperio premit — - 
 
 9 Sed Pater omnipotens < 
 
 • Regemque dedit; qui feeder e certo 
 
 Et premere, laxas fciret dare juffus habena:. 
 
 * Ad quern turn luno fuppkx his vocibus ufa til ; 
 
 A 5 1 Thou 
 
V l r g r t TravejTie.. Book 1. 
 
 : I on mighty King., vvhofe potent Sway 
 The lawlefs Blujfirers do obey ; 
 Whofe Nod the flubborn'il Winds do dread ; 
 (Even altho' in Scotland bred.) 
 Thou, whofe unruly Empire reaches 
 As far as the wide Compafs ftretches f 
 Hear a poor Queen's Reqaeft, and fay,, 
 Thou'lt do't :. For 1 muft have no Nay. 
 
 2 There are a few Tatter-de-mallions, 
 That (with a Pox) would be Italians, 
 And into Latium now are going, 
 With Oar and Sculls tugging and rowing : 
 A Crew of drunken roaring Rutins, 
 Lewd, wand'ring ? fturdy Ragamuffins : 
 Rafcals, I hate, as I do Garlick, 
 And yet the Rogues are ftout and warlike : 
 3 If therefore thou wilt fmoke thefe Royilers^ 
 And fowfe them all like pickPd Oyfters,. 
 There is a pretty Maid of mine, 
 €aird Die, mail be thy Concubine. 
 
 JEolus hearken'd to this Story, 
 With no fmall Pride, no little Glory 5 
 To have a Queen fo gay and trim, 
 Come to requed a Boon of him ! 
 
 2 - yEole {namque tihi Di<vum pater atqm hominwn Rex 
 
 Et mule ere dedit fluclus &> toller e <vento) 
 
 % Gens mi mica tnibi Tyrrhenum na-vigat cequor, 
 
 Ilium in Italian! fortans,. — 
 
 3 hicute <vim 'Vjentis, fubmerfafque obrue puppes, 
 Aut age diver fas , 1$ disjice corpora for/ to* 
 Sunt mthi bis fettem prcefianti corpore Nympbte ; 
 S&arwn, owe forma pule her rima, De'iopeiam 
 iiowukio jftngajn jtabili^ propriamque. dicabo ;. 
 
Book t; V i r g i l Traveftie. f 
 
 But th' Wench, Tail of the Preamble, . 
 
 0 that ! That made his Bowels wamble, 
 (And Wind you know, under Corre&ion, 
 Is a main Caufer of Erection ;) 
 
 He, Jift'ning flood, wrigling and fcraping i . 
 But durft not bow, for fear of 'fcapihg, 
 Until at laft, with Cap in Hand, Sir, 
 4 He thus return'd with modeft Anfwer. 
 
 O Queen, (quoth he) my Thanks are real,, 
 That you will ufe your Servant JEol : 
 And mould I not pay your Civility, 
 To th' utmoft of my poor Ability, 
 Who art great Jove's Sifter and Wife, , 
 It were e'en Pity of my Life : 
 I'll play thefe Rake-hells fuch a Hunts- up, 
 As, were they She's, would turn their — ~— up. 
 Say you no more, the Things is done ; 
 I ? ll drown "em ev'ry Mother's Son. 
 But, fmce your Grace is nice of imeiling, 
 
 1 willi you were at your own Dwelling ; 
 There's Reafon for't (faving your Favour) 
 For truly (Madam) I fhall favour. 
 
 But, I befeech your Grace, in no wife 
 
 Forget the Woman* that you promife. 
 
 Juno at that away does go, 
 
 And, in lefs while than t am fpeaking, . 
 
 Was got as high as Top of * Reking ; * Mo'ns $a* 
 
 No bigger now than School boys Kite, lapienfis. 
 
 And now clean vaniHi'd out of Sight. 
 
 4 iEolus hac centra : Thus, 6 Regina, quid opt es, 
 B'xplorare labor, mibi jujfa capejfere fas eft. 
 Tu mihi 9 cuodcuvque h oc regni+ju j'ecptra, Jovemque, 
 Qoncihas — A 6 Mo L 
 
8 Virgil Travejlie. Book J, 
 
 JEo/, who all the while flood gaping 
 At her line Pencock's gawdy Trapping, 
 Seeing her mount Olympus' Stair-cafe, 
 Began t' untrufs, to eafe his Carcafe, 
 Twice belch' d he loud from Lungs of Leather* 
 To call his roaring Troops together ; 
 And twice (as who fhould fay, we come) 
 They roar'd i'th' Concave of his Womb : 
 
 5 With that he turns his Buttocks Sea-ward, 
 And with a gibing kmd of Nay -word, 
 Quoth he, Blind Harpers, have among ye ; 
 » Tis ten to one but I bedung ye. 
 
 At the fame Word, lifting one Leg, 
 And pulling out his trulty Peg, 
 
 6 He let at once his gen'ral Mutter 
 Of all that e'er could blow or blufte"r 
 And (like a Coxcomb) in his Tuel 
 Left not one Puff to cool his Gruel. 
 
 Have you not feen below the Sphere 
 A mortal Drink call'd Bottle-Beer, 
 How by the Tapfter,. when the Stopple 
 Is ravifh'd from the teeming Bottle, 
 It bounces, foams, and froths, and flitters, 
 As if 'twere troubl'd with the Squitters ? 
 
 5 Hac ubi diSia, ca<vum contend cufpide montem 
 
 impuiit in latui : ac *venti *velut. agmine fa£lo, 
 
 Qua data porta ruunt y & terras, turbine perjlant* 
 
 lncuhuere mari 9 totumque a fedibus hnis. 
 
 c Una Eurufque, Nctufque ruunt, creberque proccilis 
 
 Africus, QP <vaftos vo fount ad litora Jlufius. 
 
 lnfequitur cla?n6rque wirum, Jlridorque rudentum ; 
 
 Eripiuxt fubiib nubes ccelumque, diemque 
 
 Itucrprum ex oculis ; ponto nox incubat atra . 
 
 bitonuere poli, iff crebris micat ignibus <tther ; 
 
 fUrafentemque viris iutentant omnia mortem* Ev # n 
 
BookL Virgil trawftie. 9 
 
 Ev'n fo, when JEol pluck'd the Plug 
 From th' Muzzle of his double Jug,. 
 The Winds burft out with fuch a Rattle, 
 As he had broke the Strings that twattle. 
 
 Bounce, cries the Port-hok, out they fly, 
 And make the World dance Barnaby ; 
 Throughout the Seas and Coafts they wander*. „ 
 One Boreas was their chief Commander 5. 
 A huffing Jack, a. plund'ring^Tearer, 
 A vap'ring Scab, and a great Swearer. 
 
 This Fellow, and his boift'rous Rout,. 
 Finds me, o'th' Sea, the Trojans out. 
 
 JEneas, and his wand'ring Mates, 
 Were, at that Time, angling for Sprats *, 
 Thinking no harm no more than we do, 
 ( For all was fine and fair to fee to) 
 When, all o'th' fudden ; oh, who'd think it, 
 (By this good Drink, I mean to drink it !) 
 It grew (o dark, that, wanting Light, 
 They could not fee the Fifties bite ; 
 And ilrait, ere one could fay what's this ? 
 The Winds began to howl and hifs, 
 And in the Turning of a Hand, Sir, 
 They grew fo big, one could not ftand, Sir. 
 Then follow'd Rains, Lightning, and Thunder,. 
 As the whole World would fly afunder. 
 JEneas hearing the Winds threating, 
 And * feeing monftrous Billows beating, * By the 
 Knowing they purpos'd to difpatch him ; Lightning*. 
 A.nd that the Haddocks watch'd to catch him ; 
 
 7 Fell prefently in a cold Sweat,. 
 So fick he could not drink nor eat 5 
 
 7 Extewplo ,/Enea? filvuntur frigore memlra ; 'Twas 
 
io Virgil Trave/iie. Book I; 
 
 ♦Twas all the World to twenty Pound, 
 He had not falPn into a Swoon ; 
 But by Jove's Favour being bleft, 
 With Guts in's Head above the reft $ 
 Like to a cunning Chapman, he 
 Made Virtue of Neceility. 
 And, in the midft of all Defpairs, 
 Thought it his bell to fall to Pray'rs. 
 
 8 With woeful Heart, and blubber'd Eyev 
 Lifting his Mutton-fifis to th' Skies, 
 
 He therefore pray'd, O Jupiter ! 
 Either hear now, or never hear ; 
 Now, now, thy trufty Trojans cherilru 
 Help now, or never, elfe we perifh. 
 
 9 Could not Tydides at Troy Town, 
 Should he be hang'd, once knock me down V 
 Nor yet the merry Greek, Achilles, 
 
 When he kilPd lufty HecJor, kill thefe r 
 And mufl we now be fent for Dimes, 
 To Sharks, and fuch like greedy Fifties ? 
 
 * Thus went he on with his Orifons, 
 Which, if you mark 'em well,., were wife ones> 
 Now praying, now expoftulating ; 
 But he might e'en have held his Prating 5 
 For Jove, if he had been more near him, 
 The Noife was fuch he could not hear him : 
 
 ' Ingemit, duplices tendens ad ftdera pahnas, 
 Tali a voce refer t ; 
 
 9 O, Danaum fortiffime gentis. 
 
 Tydide, Mine Iliacis oc cumber e campis y 
 
 Non potuiffe, tuaque animam banc ejfundere dextra & 
 
 Savus ubi ^acidae tehjacet He&or, - 
 
 * Taii a jaclanti ■ 
 
 "I* The- 
 
Book I. Virgil Traveflit. 1 1 
 
 ^ The Winds grew louder ftill and louder, 
 And play'd their Gambols with a Powder : 
 Then, then indeed, began the Pudder, 
 Here an Oar broke, and there a Rudder ; 
 Here a Boat kicking on the Surges, 
 And there one finking in a Gurges. 
 i Three Boats a Wind call'd Notus ruffles, 
 Upon a paltry Bed of Mufcles, 
 
 3 And there did roaring Eurus dabble ye? 
 In Quick fands deep, moft lamentably. 
 
 4- One Wherry rhat the Ly clans carry 'd,' 
 And one Orontes, never marry 'd, 
 Was, juffc about the Time of Dinner, 
 O'erwhelm'd, and ail the Men within her, 
 Orontes, tho* he was confounded, 
 Yet very loth to be thus drowned, 
 Did all he could with might and main, 
 To have fwurn back to Land again. 
 His Skill he to the Trial puts, 
 But could not do it for his Guts : 
 And therefore was fowsM up for Cod-fifh 
 I doubt he provM but very Odd-fim. 
 
 i Stridens Aquilone procella 
 
 Velum adverfa ferit, fi.iclufque ad fidera to/lit. 
 Franguntur re?ni ; turn prora avert it, & undls 
 Dat I at us ; — — 
 
 z Tres Notus abreptas infaxa latentia torquet : 
 
 ' ' • 5 Tres Eurus ab alto 
 
 In Brevia & Syrtes urget, (miferabile <vifu) 
 
 Unam f qua Lycios, fidumque <vebebat Orontem, 
 Ipjius ante oculos ingens a <vertice Pontus 
 In puppim ferii : Excutitur, pro?iufque MagiJIer 
 V olvitur in caput* AJl illam ter fiuclus ibidem 
 Torquet agens circum, & rapidus vorat aquore vortex. 
 
12 Virgil Fraveftie. Book I. 
 
 5 Now might you fee the Trojans Trimming 
 Upon the foaming Billows fwimming : 
 
 Sculls, Oars, and Stretchers, with their Benches. 
 Floating amongft the rowling Trenches ; 
 Hats, Caps, and Caffocks, Bands and Ruffs, 
 (Indeed, I think, they wore no Cuffs) 
 Balk-iiaves and Cudgels, Pikes and Truncheons, 
 Brown Bread and Cheefe, that fwam by Luncheons 
 With Treafure pari: all mortal Matching^ 
 That any Man may have for Fetching. 
 
 6 In the mean time, this Hurly-burly, 
 That Hill increas'd more loud and furly, 
 Rous'd Neptune with the ftrange Commotion, 
 Who liv'd i'th' Bottom of the Ocean. 
 
 This Neptune was of old a Fifher, 
 And to JEneas a Well-wifher : 
 'Caufe, on a Time, Venus > that bore him, 
 Spoke a good Word t' her Father for him, 
 -And made him, for his good Conditions, 
 ; King over all his Pools and- Fifh- ponds. 
 
 This Blade, when he firft heard the Sea ring* 
 Was pickling Pilchards, Sprats, and Herring : 
 But at the Noife he throws his Tray, 
 Fifties, and Salt, and all away. 
 
 And taking up his three-fork'd Trout- fpear, N 
 
 7 Hey, hey, (quoth he) what a brave Rout's here ? 
 
 5 Apparent rari nantes in gurgite wafto : 
 
 Arma njirum, tabula que, & Tro'ia gaza per undas. 
 
 6 Interea magna mijceri mufmure Pontum> 
 
 1 Emijfamque Hiemem fenfit Neptunus, £sf imis 
 
 I -Stagna refuja <vadis , 
 
 I . 7 Graviter commotus, & alto 
 
 Profpiciens, fit mm a placidum caput extulit unda, 
 
 Disjeflam JsZntTt toto <virfet aquore Clajfem, 
 
 FluSlibus cpprcjfos Troas, ccelique ruin a. 
 
 Nec latuere dolt fratre?n Junonis, & ira : Ufi- 
 
Book I. Virgil Traveftie* 1 3 
 
 Under his Arms he had two Bladders* 
 By which he mounted without Ladders ; 
 And thrufting's Head above the Water, 
 Says, What a Veng'ance, ho's the Matter ? 
 Then feeing round how Things were vary'd^ 
 And how "the Trojans had mifcarry'd ; 
 He liraight began to fmell a Rat, 
 And foon perceiv'd what they'd be at : 
 For he knew all Juno's Contriving, 
 And Spite, as well as any living, 
 
 Have you not feen upon a River 
 A Water-Dog that is a Diver, , 
 Bring out his Mallard* and eft-fcon3 
 Be-fhake his lhaggy Pantaloons ? 
 So Neptune, when he firft appears, 
 Shakes the fait Liquor from his Ears 
 And made the Winds themfelves to doubt him* 
 He threw the Water fo about him, 
 Vex'd at the Plucks to fee this Clutter* 
 He fcarce could fpeak, but fpurt and fputter. 
 
 8 Till beck'ning Zephyr us and Eurus, 
 He thus began in Language furious : 
 How durft you, Rogues, take the Opinion 
 To vapour here in my Dominion, 
 Without my Leave ; and make a Lurry, 
 That Men cannot be quiet for ye ? 
 
 8 Eurum ad fe Zephyrum^ <vocat ; dehinc talia fatur i 
 
 lantane <vos generis tenuit fiducia veftri ? 
 
 Nam Cos turn, ¥crramque> meo fine Numine, Venti y 
 
 Mifcere, £ff tantas audetis toller e moles ? 
 
 Sfuos ego ! — Sed motos preefiat componere Fluflns. 
 
 Pofi mibi non fimili poena commtjfa luetis. 
 
 Hafcals, 
 
14 Virgil Travejlie. Book L 
 
 Rafcals, I fhall ! But well ! Go to, 
 
 I now have fbmething elfe to do ; 
 
 If e'er again I catch you creaking, 
 
 'Tis odds I fpoil your Bagpipes fqueaking. 
 
 9 And Sirrah, you there: Goodman * Blafler> * Speaking 
 
 Go tell that farting Fool your Mailer, to Boreas 
 
 That fuch a whilftling Scafy as he, kimfelf. 
 
 Was ne'er cut out to rule the Sea ; 
 
 * But that it to my Empire fell : 
 
 Bid him j*o vapour in his Cell ; 
 
 There let him puff and domineer, 
 
 But make no more fuch Foifling here : 
 
 And for what's pall (if my Aim mifs not) 
 
 I'll teach him fizel in his Pifs-pot. 
 
 + Scarce had he bubbl'd out his Sentence, 
 But that they fled to mew Repentance. 
 And he, that erft had made a Din moft, 
 Now cry'd, The Devil take the hindmoft* 
 Ev'n as a Flock of Geefe do flutter, 
 When crafty Reynard comes to Supper j 
 So nimbly flew away the Scoundrels, 
 Glad they had 'fcap'd, and fav'd their Poundrek* 
 
 % Now all was fair again and frolick, 
 The Sea no more troubled with Cholick ; 
 
 9 Maturate fugam, Regtque hac dicite veftro ; 
 Non illi Imperium pelagi > 
 
 * Sed mihi forte datum. Tenet ille immania faxa % 
 V ejiras, Eure, domos ; Ilia fe jaclet in Aula 
 JEolus, & claufo c ventorum car cere regnet. 
 + Sic ait, & diclo citius tumida aquora placat* 
 % ColleSldfque fugat nuies, folemque reducit. 
 Cymothoe fimul, £sf Triton adnixus, acuto 
 Detrudunt na<ves J copula ; levat ipfe Trident^ 
 Et vajlas aperit Syrtes, & temperat aquor % 
 
 The 
 
Book I. Virgil f raveftie. 1 5 
 
 The Sun fhone bright, as on May-Day, 
 
 Had there been Grafs, one might made Hay : 
 
 But yet fome Boats ftuck on the Flats, 
 
 Their Men all dafti'd like Water-Rats, 
 
 Neptune at this his Speed redoubles, 
 
 To eafe them of their Peck of Troubles : 
 
 He thruft his Muck-Fork in two Faddom, 
 
 Beuixt the Beats, and that that ftaid 'em, 
 
 .And lifted them fheer off as clever, 
 
 As he had had a Crow or Leaver ; 
 
 Now, Sirs, (quoth he) you may go forward, 
 
 And row Eaft, Weft, or South, or Northward * 
 
 If the Rogues come again, I'll fwill 'em, 
 
 I love a Dog that comes from Ilium. 
 
 And you, JEneas, and your Men, 
 
 If e'er you come this Way agen, 
 
 I hope you'll call, or Tit be lorry ; 
 
 I'll have a Difh of Lobfters for ye. 
 
 JEneas, who was gentle-hearted, 
 
 Scrap'd him a Leg, and fo they parted. 
 
 They take their Sculls again, and ply 'em, 
 Hanging their Jerkins out to dry 'em ; 
 Away they cut as fwift as Swallows, 
 Ploughing the Sea as Men do Fallows : 
 Till ere a Man could well tell Ten, 
 Or go to th' Door, and back agen, 
 1 They all as plainly faw the other 
 Side, as we now fee one another : 
 Then there old tugging was, and pulling, 
 Never fuch plying and fuch fculling : 
 
 ■■ ' 1 Qua proxima, litora curfu 
 
 Cant en dun t pet ere, ■ 
 
1 6 Virgil Trave/tie. Book I. 
 
 They whoop'd, and fung gladder and gladder, 
 
 1 think, March Hares were never madder. 
 At laft, all Dangers notwithflanding, 
 
 * They came unto a Place of Landing ; 
 A Pair of Stairs they found, not big Stairs, 
 Jufl fuch another Pair as Trigg- Stairs. 
 Not made for Watermen, but Women, 
 That ufe to come and wafh their Linnen : 
 There was old ftriving then and thrufting, 
 Which with their Sculler fhould get firft in. 
 Sirs (quoth JEneas) Ihew fome Breeding, 
 Let's have no more Hafte than good Speeding ; 
 Have Patience, Gentiles, I implore ye, 
 And let your Betters go before ye : 
 With that, they all gave Place, and Reafon ; 
 Itelfe had been no Jefs than Treafon; 
 
 3 Whilft oar JEneas, at two Leaping*, 
 Set the firft Foot upon th« Steppings ; 
 Then all the reft came in a Bundle, 
 
 As they would burft each other's Trundle : 
 Weary they were, the Wind had dous'd em. 
 And fo they fet 'em down and lous'd 'em. 
 
 4 After a while, a Fellow knocks 
 Fire, with a Steel and Tinder-Box. 
 
 2 Eft in fecejfu longo locus ; Infula for turn 
 Ejftcit objeBu laterum ; quibus omnis ab alto 
 Erangitur, inque Jinus fcindit fefe unda reduclos* 
 — — 3 /Eneas, colleclis na<vibus omni 
 
 Ex numerOy fubit ; ac magno telluris amore 
 
 Egrfffi optata Troes potiuntur arena, 
 
 Et /ale tabentes artus in litore ponunt, 
 
 4 Ac primum filici fcintillam excudit Achates, 
 
 Sufcepitque ignem foliis, atque arida circum 
 
 Nutriment a dedit, rapuitque in fomite flammam. 
 
 Turn Cererem corruptam undis, Cerealia^ arma 
 
 Expediuvt fejji rerum, frugefque receptas 
 
 Et torrere far ant flamtnis, & fr anger e faxo % For 
 
Book I. Virgil Travefiit. 17 
 
 For each Man had his Flint and Touch-wood, 
 The World befides could mew no fuch Wood ; 
 Then Sticks they gather, Leaves and Briers, 
 And fell a making them good Fires ; 
 Then Skellets, Pans, and Pofnets put on, 
 To make them Porridge without Mutton. 
 
 * In the mean time JBneas got him 
 Up to a Hill to look about him, 
 And, as he there a while flood gazing, 
 * He faw fome Sheep below him grazing. 
 7 O ho, quoth he, I'll foon be wi'ye, 
 Befworn I'm glad at Heart to fee ye. 
 
 This faid, away my Youth does go, 
 And fetches flraight a good Yew-Bow ; 
 His Arrows undcr's Belt he flicks too, 
 (For he could moot at Buts and Pricks too) 
 His Head he put a good Steel Cap on, 
 Becaufe he knew not what might happen : 
 And thus, as if he went to Battle, 
 He goes to murder poor Mens Cattle. 
 
 8 His Arrow in the String he nocks, 
 And fhoots among the harmlefs Flocks : 
 Thefe prov'd at Chance to be the fairefl, 
 But he fUJl fhot at that was neareft. 
 
 5 iEneas fcopulum interea confcendit, £*f omnem 
 Profpectum late pelago petit — 
 
 ■ 6 Tres I i tore cervos 
 Profpicit errantes — 
 
 7 Conflitit hie, Arcumqut manu, celerefque fagittas, 
 
 8 DuBorefque ipfos primum, capita aha ferentes 
 Corn whs arboreisy ft emit. 
 
 9 Seven 
 
1 8 Virgil Traveftie. Book I. 
 
 9 Seven Lordly Tups he wounded mortal, 
 
 The other Shots he made were lhort all : 
 
 Thefe to his hungry Mates he lurries, 
 
 (Pray what's his clue that Mutton worries ?) 
 
 * Here, Lads, quoth he, here's Sides and Haunches, 
 
 Fall to, and fill your empty Paunches. 
 
 Scarce had he made an end of Boafting, 
 •}• But fome to Boiling fell, fome Roafting : 
 *Twas foon enough, and to't they fall, 
 They eat up Mutton, Guts and all ; 
 Yet fcarce could fatisfy their Hungers, 
 Thefe Trojans were fuch Mutton-mongers. 
 J There was by Chance a Stoop of Liquor , 
 Cork'd up in Bottles made of Wicker, 
 Giv'n by my Hoftefs, I conceive, 
 When firft JEneas took his leave : 
 This Drink (to make the Feaft the fuller) 
 lEneas fetch'd out of his Sculler ; 
 And, like a Man had fomething in him, 
 Gave it as free as e'er 'twas gi'n him : 
 Himfelf a Dim he firft pour'd out, 
 For fear it would not go about : 
 Then ftroaking up his Whiskers greafy, 
 He thus begins in Words moft eafy : 
 
 9 Nec prius abjijlit quam feptem ingentia viBor 
 
 Corpora fundat humi 9 ■ 
 
 * — Et focios partitur in omnes* 
 
 \ Pars in frujia fecant, <verubufque trementia fgunt : 
 
 Li tore ahena locant a/ii, fiammafque minijirant. 
 
 % Vina, bonus qua deinde cadis oner drat Acelles 
 
 Litore Trinacrio, dederatque abeuntibus Heros, 
 
 Dsviditp Ssf diclis marrentia peclora mulcet* 
 
 ' Here 
 
Book L Virgil Travejlie. 19 
 
 1 Here, Lads, have at ye; and be merry, 
 Ware got at laft fafe o'er the Ferry ; 
 And tho' we've had but angry Work, yet 
 Let's make the belt of a bad Market : 
 To day let's drink, and hang To-morrow, 
 A Grain of Mirth's worth Pounds of Sorrow. 
 a Be blith and jolly then as may be, 
 Faint Heart, you know, ne'er wins fair Lady : 
 What tho' a while we fair but hardly, 
 Yet in the End does our Reward lie : 
 We mail win Houfes, Lands, and Doxies, 
 With dainty Patches where no Pox is : 
 And then all this, that feems t' undo us, 
 Will be but Sport and Paftime to us. 
 
 ? Thus did the fubtle Fornicator 
 Set a good Face on a bad Matter : 
 As who mould make 'em underftand 
 How pretty a Fellow he was on's Hand ; 
 When I (for all's brave alls) muft tell ye, 
 His Heart then panted in his Belly. 
 
 * Down glides his Ale over his Pallet, 
 As glib as't had been Oil of Sallet : 
 And all the reft, in their due Order, 
 QuafPd till their Drink would go no further. 
 
 1 O focii (neque enim ignari fumus ante malorum) 
 O paffi graviora ; dabit Deus bis quoque finem* 
 Vos & Scyllasam rabiem, penitufque fonantes 
 Acceftis fcopulos ; <vos & Cyclopea faxa 
 E xpert i ; z Relocate animos, mcejlumque timorem 
 Mittite ; for/an fjf bac olim meminijfe junjabit. 
 Per <varios cafus, per tot difcrimina rerum, 
 Tendimus in Latium ; fedes ubi fata quietas 
 Ofiendunt : 
 
 3 Talia 'voce refert, curifque ingentibus <eger 
 
 Spem nrnltu fimulat ; premit altum corde dolorem* 
 
 t hnpltntur ceteris Bacchi, pungui/que ferina?. $ Now 
 
20 Virgil Travejiie. Book ti 
 
 * Now having fpent their Drink and Vittles, 
 They rife and wipe their greafy Thwittles ; 
 And, iiroking them, began to mind 'em 
 Of thofe were left at Sea behind 'em : 
 With that, JEneas made a Motion 
 To climb the Hills, and look on th' Ocean, 
 If, from the Cliffs and Promontories, 
 They might efpy their Fellow Tories : 
 At that they went, fome this, fome that Way, 
 Some went not far, and fome a great Way ; 
 Some whoop'd, fome hollow'd, and fome fhouted, 
 6 Some thought 'em fafe, and others doubted ; 
 Same laid their Ears to Ground in Cunning, 
 To lift if they could hear them coming : 
 But all in vain ; for none could fpy 'em ; 
 
 They call'd their Friends, for none was nigh 'em. 
 At laft, by gen'ral Approbation, 
 
 They laid 'em down, as was the Fafhion, 
 And llept, being tir'd with Pains and Feailing, 
 
 When Belly's full, Bones will be retting. 
 Afleep they lie fnorting and fnoaring, 
 
 With fuch a Noife they made the Shore ring, 
 
 Or fuch a Din as Dogs do utter, 
 
 When they by Night together clutter ; 
 
 Snarling and fwearing in lewd Falhicn, 
 
 For Bitch of evil Converfation : 
 
 ? When Jove, who was, belike, at Leifure, 
 
 Walking, or for his Health, or Pleafure. 
 
 5 Pojlquam exempta fames epulis, menfrtque remote, 
 Amiffos* longo focios fermone requirunt ; 
 
 6 Spemque, metumque inter dubii, feu <vi<vere credant 9 
 Sive extrema.pati, ■ » 
 
 ■ 7 Cum Jupiter a there fumms 
 
 Defpiciens mare n;eli f VQlum > Urrafque jacentes, 
 
 Litoraque — - Looking 
 
Book I. Virgil f rave/lie. 2 r 
 
 Looking about on ev'ry fide him, 
 
 1 G* th 1 Lybian Coafts at laft efpy'd em, 
 And faid in merry kind of Japping, 
 Indeed, Sirs, have I ta'en you napping ? 
 Scarce had he fpoke, when all o'th' fudden, 
 Whilft he was on the Trojans ftud'ing, 
 Who mould come there to do her Duty, 
 But Venus that was Queen of Beauty. 
 
 * This Venus, without counterfeiting, * See Ser- 
 Was a fine Lafs on's own begetting : <vius upon 
 
 Thou ne'er faw'lt prettier in thy Life, Virgil. 
 Although he had her not by's Wife, 
 But by a Fim-wench he was kind to, » 
 And fo me came in at the Window : 
 Now Venus was JEneas* Mother, 
 And him me had by fuch another 
 Royfler as Jove was, when on Grounfel 
 He firkt her Mother's Privy-counfel : 
 In the Behalf then of her By-blow, 
 Which had endured many a dry-Blow, 
 
 2 She weeping came, fighing and throbbing, 
 And hardly could me fpeak for fobbing. 
 Until at laft, with a fine Linen, 
 
 Wrought round with Blue, of her own fpinning, 
 Wiping her Face from Tears and Snivil, 
 She thus begun in Words moil civil : 
 
 ' 1 Et Libya? defixlt lumina Regnis, 
 
 * Atque ilium tales jaclantem peclore cur as, 
 Trijiior, fcf lacrymis oculos fujfufa nitentes y 
 Alloquitur Venus : 
 
 B 
 
 3 O thou, 
 
22 Virgil Traveftie. Book I. 
 
 * O thou, of Gods and Men, the King, 
 That can'it do any kind of Thing ; 
 That pall their Wits dolt Mortals frighten ; 
 When thou or thunder doft, or lighten ; 
 What could Mneas do to thee ? 
 Who car 1 ft a Fart for no Body : 
 
 4 Or the poor Trojans, what have they done, 
 That thus they flill mult be made Fools on ? 
 And that thou wilt for no Perfuafions 
 
 Let them go follow their Occalions ? 
 
 5 I'm fure you promis'd me, and fwore to it, 
 (Ev'n let who can, forgive you for it) 
 
 That you would make 'em This, and That, 
 Kings, Captains, and J know not what; 
 And that, out of your bounteous Givings, 
 They mould have all both Lands and Livings, 
 And all live well in Italy ; 
 But I perceive 'twas all a Lie. 
 
 6 Jove ltroaking up his great Muftachoes, 
 SmiPd for to fee her fo courageous ; 
 
 For had (he broke a Pot or Platfer, 
 He could not well be angry at her, 
 
 " 5 O, qui Res Homitiumque, Deumque 
 
 7E tern is regis imperii s, & fulmine terres ; 
 
 4 Quid Trees potuere ? quihus tot funera pajfis 
 Cundus ob Italiam terrarum clauditur Orbis ? 
 
 5 Certe bine Rpmanos olim, volruentibus annis, 
 Hinc fore duBores re<vocato a /anguine Teucri, 
 Qui Mare, qui Terras omni ditione tenerent, 
 Pollicitus. Qua te, Genitor, fententia <vertit ? 
 
 6 0/7/ Jubridens Rominum fator at que Deorum, 
 
 He 
 
Book I. Virgil Travejiie^ 23 
 
 He lov'd her fo, which 'tis too common, 
 Either in Man, or elfe in Woman ; 
 Their Baftards they will clip and kifs ye, 
 More dearly than their lawful Iflue. 
 
 7 Jove looking then mod fweetly at her 
 (For fhe had made his Mouth to water) 
 Took Venus by the Chin, and gave her 
 A Kifs of a lafcivious Flavor. 
 
 s My pretty Wench (quoth he) I prithee, 
 Let's have no more fuch puling with thee : 
 All mail be well enough, ne'er fear it, 
 And by my Beard once more I fwear it, 
 Thy Son JEneas* thou doft doubt fo, 
 Which makes thee whimper, cry, and pout fo, 
 Shall be a King, a Prince at lead ; 
 I fpeak in earneft, not in jell. 
 With that he whittled out moft mainly, 
 You might have heard his Fill as plainly, 
 From one Side of the Sky to th* other, 
 As you and I hear one another. 
 Thrice whittled he, when by and by, 
 Out came his Foot- Boy Mercury, 
 And ask'd him without more ado, 
 What 'twas he whittled for, and who ? 
 
 This Mercery, you mull underftand, Sir, 
 Had formerly been a Rope-Dancer : 
 
 7 V ultu, quo Ccelum, Tempeflatefque ferenat> 
 O feu la libavit Gnat^e ; dehinc tali a fatur : 
 
 8 Puree metu y Cytherea ; manent immota tuorum 
 Fata tibi. C ernes urbem, & promiffa Lavini 
 Meenia, fublimemque feres ad fydera cceli 
 Magnanimum yEneam, 
 
 B 4 2 A ninv 
 
24 Virgil Traveftie. Book L 
 
 A nimble Rafcal, and a Dapper, 
 Full deftly could he cut a Caper, 
 
 * Dance, run, leap, frisk and curvet, *SeeP/tf#/. 
 Tumble, and do the Somerfet ; in Amphytr. 
 And fly with artificial Wings, 
 
 Ty*d to his Head and Heels with Strings : 
 •Twas he firft taught to fly i'th' Air, 
 As we have feen at Bart /e -Fair ; 
 A nimble, witty Knave, I warrant, 
 And one that well could fay his Errant : 
 An exc'lent Servant in plain Dealing, 
 But that he was inclin'd to Stealing. 
 
 9 Sirrah, (quoth Jove) go take your Pumps, 
 And hafte to Carthage, ftir your Stumps, 
 And, as thou art a cunning Prater, 
 Play me the fine Infinuater : 
 Dido and all her Carthaginians , 
 Po fiefs throughout with kind Opinions 
 Of the poor Trojans, left Queen Dido 
 Not knowing Things fo well as I do, 
 Should fhew 'em all a Trick of Pafs-pafs, 
 And chance £ indict 'em for a Trefpafs. 
 Away he flies fans further Speech, 
 As he had had a Squib in's BreecL; 
 And fuddenly, without difcerning, 
 
 * Set all the Syrians Bowels yearning ; 
 
 9 H<ec ait, £ff Maia genitum demittit ab alto ; 
 JJt terra , utque nova pateant Carthaginis arces 
 Hofpitio Teucris ; ne fati nefcia Dido 
 Finibus arceret. Volat ille per air a magnum 
 Remigio Alarum ; C5 Libyae citus aftitit oris : 
 
 * * Ponuntque ferocia Pceni 
 
 Corda 9 <volente Deo ; imprimis Regina quietum 
 Accipit in Teucros animum, mcntmque benignam. 
 
Book I. Virgil 5T ^aveftie. r, i 5 
 
 Dido, for her Part, fwore, a Trojan 
 Should do the Feat for her, or no Man. 
 Mean while the Trojans flept at Eafe, 
 Unlefs fometimes bit by white Fleas, 
 Their foft Repofe in Quiet taking, 
 
 1 Only JEneas he was waking ; 
 
 Who whilft the Night was dark and o'ercaft> 
 like one that had an exc'lent Fore-call, 
 Lay thinking how his Guts grew limber, 
 How they might get more Belly-Timber : 
 No fooner the Light firil came creeping, 
 But that he cry'd, Ah Fool, art peeping ? 
 And up he ftairts to go a flealing, 
 Either a Mutt'ning or a Vealing ; 
 And yet he thought, being a Stranger, 
 To go alone might be fome Danger j 
 
 2 Therefore he deem'd it not amifs, 
 To call a truiry Friend of his ; 
 
 And that he might go on the bolder, 
 He laid a Two-hand Bat on's Shoulder, 
 Thus going then abroad for Food, 
 
 3 He meets his Mother in a Wood 5 
 So fmug me was, and fo array'd, 
 He took his Mother for a Maid : 
 A great Miftake in her whofe Bum 
 
 So oft had been God Mars his Drum, 
 
 1 At plus JEneas, per noBetn plurima wofaens, 
 
 Vt primum lux alma data eft,—* 
 
 — — 2 Ipfe uno graditur comitatus Achate % 
 Bina manu lato criffans haft Hi a ferro, 
 3 Cut mater media fefe tulit obvia fylva, 
 Virginis os, habitumque gerens, - ' » 
 
 B 3 When 
 
26 Virgil Travejlie. Book I. 
 
 When oft, full oft the lufty Drum-flick, 
 Breaking quite through would in her Bum flick. 
 Full oft when Smug was blowing Bellows, 
 Would me be trucking with good Fellows ; 
 And let herfelf be chuckt as tamely, 
 As if therein there did no Blame ly, 
 By Mars, and many a one befide, 
 Or elfe me foully is bely'd. 
 
 4 Well met, young Men, quoth Venus kindly, 
 As you came through the Woods behind ye, 
 Pray did you not, for all your Haile, note 
 
 A Lafs in Petticoat and Wailkoat ; 
 
 With fuch a Pelt as mine thrown o'er her, 
 
 Driving a Sow and Pig before her ? 
 
 5 No truly (quoth JEneas mild) 
 I faw nor Man, Woman or Child ; 
 
 Yet, though I fay't, had I been nigh her, 
 I could, as well as others, fpy her : 
 But who art thou that fpeak'it ib mrill, 
 Ab if thy Words came through a Quill ? 
 Thou art of gentle Kindred furely, 
 Thou look'ft and fpeakeit fo demurely : 
 6 Therefore Good Miftrefr, or Good Lady, 
 I do befeech you, if it may be, 
 
 " — 4 Heus, ivquit, jwvenes, monferate mearum 
 Vidiflis fi quam hie err ant em forte fororum, 
 Succinflam pharetra, £5 maculofte tegmine lyncts^ 
 Aut fpumantis apri, curfum clajnore prementem ? 
 
 • 5 V eneris contra fee fe/ius or Jus : 
 
 Nulla tuarum audita mihi, ncque vifa fororum. 
 O [quam te memo? em !) uirgo : namque hand tibl <vultus 
 Mortals, nee 'vox homincm fonat : O Dea, certe ; 
 6 An Phcebi /or or, an N,mpbarum fa?iguinis una P 
 
 To 
 
Book I. Virgil Traveftie. 27 
 
 To put us out of Fear or Dangers, 
 
 7 Tell's where we are, for we are Strangers ? 
 8 Venus, at that wriggling and mumping, 
 
 Cries, Pray young Man leave off your Frumping, 
 
 For until now I've met with no Man, 
 
 E'er took me for a Gentlewoman ; 
 
 She that I a^k for is my Sifter, 
 
 I wonder how the Pox you milt her ! 
 
 We were this Morning fent in hafte 
 
 To fetch a Sow that lies at Mali. 
 
 9 Yond Town was built by one Agenor^ 
 
 The Land's fo good it needs no Meaner : 
 
 * One Dido now is Queen on't, who 
 Run hither a good while ago ; 
 She is a Queen of gentle bearing, 
 Wliofe Story will be worth the hearing : 
 f But mould I tell it all out-right, 
 I think t'wouid laft a Winter's Night. 
 J Therefore in ihort, this fame Queen Dido > 
 Who now, alas ! is left a Widow ! 
 Had one Sicbaus to her Honey, 
 A wealthy Man in Land and Money ; 
 |j Whom one Pigmalion, unawares, 
 Kill'd, as he was faying on's Prayers ; 
 
 • 7 Quo Jul C ceIo tandem, quibus orbis in oris 
 Jaftemur, doceas : ■ 
 
 8 Tunc Venus : Haud equidem tali me dignor honor 
 
 9 Punica regna <vides y Tyrios, fa 5 Agenoris urbem : 
 
 * Imperium Dido Tyrid regit urbe profecla^ 
 m -J- longa eft injuria, longte 
 Ambages ; fed fumma Jequar faftigia rerum. 
 \ Huic conjux Sichaeus erat, ditijjimus agri 
 || We Sichaeum, 
 
 Impius ante aras, atque auri c&eus amore y 
 C/am ferro incavtum faperat, — - 
 
 £ 4 Only 
 
2$ Virgil Travejtie. Book I. 
 
 Only for lucre of his Pelf, 
 
 Which he had thought t'have had himfelf, 
 
 1 And fob'd Queen Dido off fome Seafon, 
 (Who cry'd and blubberM out of reafon) 
 By telling her a Flim flam Prattle, 
 That he was gone to buy fome Cattle : 
 But on a Time, as without doubt, 
 Murder at fome odd time will out : 
 
 One Night as fhe did fleep and fnore, 
 As fhe had never flept before, 
 % Into her Chamber, Doors unlocking, 
 Comes me her Husband without knocking, 
 A Link he in his Hand did brandim. 
 His Face was paler than your Band is ; 
 Nearer he came, and would have kifsM her, 
 At which fhe well nigh had bepifs'd her, 
 But being a Ghoft of civil fafhicn, 
 He gave her Words of C on f elation. 
 
 Quoth he, I murder'd am, my Jewel, 
 By Ways moll barbarous and cruel ; 
 And for to mew I tell no Fibs, 
 
 3 Look what a Hole here's in my Ribs. 
 And if thou ftay'it, that Rogue Pigmalion 
 Intends to ufe thee like a Stallion : 
 
 4 Therefore be gone, thou, and thy Meany, 
 But leave the Rafcal ne'er a Penny 
 
 * 1 & agram, 
 
 (Multa ?nalus Jimulans) *)ana fpe lufit amantem* 
 
 2 Ipfa fed in fomnis inhumati cvenit imago 
 Conjugis, or a modis attollens pallida miris : 
 — — • — * Trajefiaque pe '61 or a ferro 
 Nudaruity ■ — 
 
 4 Turn celerare fugam, patridque excedere ftadcf* 
 
 Auxiliumque mia 9 <ve teres tellure recludit 
 
 ^hefaurosy ignotum argent* f>vndm & auri. To 
 
Book E Virgil Traveftie. 29 
 
 To blefs himfelf ; it lies each Farthing, 
 In an old Butter-pot i'th* Garden. 
 
 s Dido at this, rifes up early, 
 And with her Servants very fairly, 
 Not caring for Pigmalionh Curfes, 
 Steals all his Money-bags, and Purfes > 
 And in a Boat prepar'd o'th' nonce, 
 Shipt all his Goods away at once, 
 And got off fafe, whilft all this Geer 
 Was order'd by a Wajlcoateer. 
 
 6 At laft {he came with all her People, 
 To yonder Town with the Spire- Steeple, 
 And bought as much good feeding Ground for 
 Five Marks, as fome would give live Pound for j 
 Where now fhe lives a Hufwife wary, 
 Has her Ground Itockt, and keeps a Dairy : 
 7 And now young Men, I pray ye, (hew me 
 Whence do ye come, or whither go ye ? 
 
 8 This being faid, our lufty Swabber 
 Groan'd like a Woman in her Labour, 
 
 $ His commota* fugam Dido fociofque par aba t t 
 Convenient, quibus aut odium crudele tyranni, 
 Aut metus acer erat : naves, qua forte parata, 
 Cdrripiuni, onerantque auro ; portaniur anrnri 
 Pygmalionis opes pelago \ Dux fasmina fafti. 
 
 6 De<venere locos y ubi nunc ingentia c ernes 
 Magma, fur gent emque nova Cat thaginis aram 9 
 Mercatique folum, faBi de nomine Byrfam, 
 Taurino quantum pojfent circumdare tergo. 
 
 7 Sed >vos qui tandem ? quibus aut njentftis ab oris ? 
 ^uove tenetis iter P 8 ^ucerentt talibus ille 
 Sufpirans, imoque trahens a pefiore <vocem : 
 
 O Dea, fi prima repetens ab origine per gam 
 Et <vace: annates mflrorum audi re labor um , 
 Anil diem claufc comfonet *vefper Qlytnpo* 
 
 B J And 
 
30 Virgil Traveftie. Book I, 
 
 And looking rufully upon her, 
 
 Oh ! Dame, quoth he, brim full of Honour, 
 
 Should I begin my Story fpinning 
 
 From die firft End to th' laft Beginning, 
 
 J doubt to finifh we mould mifs time, 
 
 For it would laft till t' morrow this time. 
 
 9 We Trojans are of Troy-town Race, 
 (If e'er you heard of fuch a Place ;} 
 * And I Almas fam'd in Fight ; 
 But much more for a Carpet-Knight : 
 Who bring along our Country-Gods, 
 A Company of fm oaky Toads, 
 Catch'd out o'th' Fire from the Greeks 
 When all the Town was of a Reek \ 
 And can derive my Pedigree, 
 (Although I fay't) with any He, 
 That is perhaps fuller of Pride, 
 Efpecially by th' Mother's fide. 
 Did my Fame never hither come ? 
 I'm taik'd of far and near at home 5 
 To tell you truly as a Friend, 
 f For Italy we do intend, 
 And put to Sea in paltry Weather, 
 % With twenty Pairs of Oars together : 
 
 9 Nos Troja ant i qua (Ji *ucjlras forte per aures 
 Trojae nomen iit) 
 
 * Su7n pius ^neas, raptos qui ex hojie Penates 
 Clajfe <veho ?necum, — 
 
 •f Italiam qu<zro patriam iff genus ab Jove fummo. 
 J Bis denis Phrygium confcendi navibus aquor-> 
 Mat re Ded monftrante <viam, data fata fequutus : 
 Vix fettem convulfa undis, Euroque fuperfunt. 
 
Book I. Virgil Traveftie. 3 1 
 
 Of which there hardly are left feven, 
 Which put into the Shore laft Even. 
 
 1 Venus the while JEneas eying. 
 And feeing he could fcarce hold crying ; 
 Thus cut him off in courteous Falhion, 
 I'th' midft on's pitiful Relation : 
 
 2 Whoe'er thou art, take Heart I fay, 
 Rome can't be built all on a D ly ; 
 
 And tho' you've fufFer'd fome Di fitters, 
 Vet let me tell you this, my Matters, 
 Tis a good Sign that thofe Gods love ye, 
 'For all your hatte, that hither drove ye : 
 You might have walk'd your Pumps a pieces, 
 E'er light on fuch a Piace as this is. 
 
 3 Go ye to th' Queen now out of Hand, 
 And mow her how your JVhtters ftand : 
 She'll make you welcome for her Part : 
 She loves tall Fellows in her Heart : 
 
 4 There, on my honeli Word, you'll meet 
 Your lott Companions, 1 fore- fee' t ; 
 
 And have all Things that you would wifh, 
 
 5 Or furely I was taught amifs : 
 (And I a Father had could make, 
 In time of need an Almanack) 
 
 — 1 Nec plura querent em 
 
 PaJJa Venus : medio fee interfata dolore eft : 
 
 1 Quifquu es, baud [credo) in-vifus caeleftibus auras 
 
 Vitales carpisy Tyriam qui adveneris urbem, 
 
 3 Perge modo atque bine te Regime ad limina perfer 9 
 
 4 Namque tibi reduces focios, clajfemque relatam 
 Nuntio, 
 
 5 A7 frujlra augur turn njani docuere parentes. 
 
 Chear 
 
'li Virgil tfraveftie. Book I. 
 
 Chear up your Hearts, your Spirits rally, 
 And ne'er Hand fooling ihall I, fhail I, 
 Bat budge, jog on, beftir your Toes, 
 6 T here lies your Way follow your Nofe. 
 
 7 With that fhe turned to go away, 
 And did her freckl'd Neck difplay ; 
 By which, and by a certain WhifF, 
 Came from her Arm- pits, or her Cliff, 
 And a fine Hobble in her Pace, 
 JEneas knew his Mother's Grace : 
 
 8 Mother, quoth he, why doll thou run thus ? 
 And with thy Mumming cheat thy Son thus ? 
 Why may we not fhake one another 
 
 By th' Hand, and talk like Son and Mother ? 
 Oh think upon our woeful Cafes, 
 Whilft thus we wander in ftrange Places. 
 
 9 But fhe was gone ; for when fhe lift, 
 She foift away could in a Mift ; 
 
 Nor could fhe tarry, to fay truly, 
 For fhe had made a Promife newly, 
 
 * To meet a Friend, of hers to daily, 
 In a blind Street they call Ram-alley^ 
 
 6 Perge mo do ; is qua te due it via, dirige grejfum* 
 
 7 Dixit ; C3 5 aver tens rofed cervice refulfit ; 
 Ambrcjiteque com^e divinum vertice odor em 
 
 f. pi rave re ; pedes veftis de flux it ad imos ; 
 
 Et vera incejfu patuit Dea. I/Ie, ubi matrem 
 
 Agnovity tali fugientem eft voce fequutus : 
 
 8 Quid natum toties crude/is tu quoque falfls 
 Ludis imaginibus P cur dextrte jungere dextram 
 Non datur, ac ve; as audire y & redder e voces ? 
 
 9 At Venus ohfeuro gradients aire fepfih 
 Et multo nebulte circum Dea fudit ami flu, 
 
 C em ere ne quis eos, neu quis contingere fojfet, 
 Molirive moram, ; - 
 
 * fyja Paphum fublimis abit } * JEneas 
 
Book L Virgil TraveJIie. 3$ 
 
 JEneas then began to find, 
 That there was fomething in the Wind; 
 And faid, my Mother's a mad Shaver, 
 No Man alive knows where to have her ; 
 But I'd as live as half a Crown, 
 We two could walk fo into th' Town. 
 
 Venus heard what he faid, for me 
 Could hear, as far as we can Tee ; 
 And in a Moment to befriend 'em, 
 Two Cloaks invifible did lend 'em. 
 
 Thus cloakt, their Knavery to fhelter, 
 1 Away they trudge it helter fkelter, 
 Until JEneas and his Friend, 
 Safely arriv'd at the Town's End. 
 
 z JEneas ftar'd about and wonder'd, 
 To fee of Houfes a whole Hundred ; 
 But when he faw the Folks were there, 
 He thought it had been Carthage-Ydix, 
 
 3 The Town was full all in a Pother, 
 Some doing one Thing, fome another, 
 Some digging were, fome making Mortar^ 
 Some hewing Stones in fuch a Quarter : 
 For they were all, as Story tells, 
 Building or doing fomething elfe : 
 4 And to be fhort, all that he fees, 
 Were working bufily as Bees. 
 
 1 Corripuere viam interea, qua /emit a monftrat, 
 Jamque afcendehant collem, qui plurimus urbi 
 Jmminet, adverfafque afpeftat defuper arces. 
 a Miratur molem vEneas, magalia quondam $ 
 3 Infiant ardent es Tyrii ; pars due ere muros, 
 Moiirique arcem, & man i bus fub<vol<vere fax a : 
 Pars aptare locu?n teSIo, Iff conciudere fuUo* 
 * Qualis apes ajiate no<va per Jiorea rura 
 Mxercet/ub Jole labor, . .... -»p 5 Tth 
 
34 Virgil Travejlie. Book L 
 
 * I'th' middle of the Town there flood 
 A goodly Elm o'ergrown with Wood : 
 And under that were Stocks moil duly, 
 To lock them fail that were unruly : 
 There fat they down to eafe their Travel, 
 Picking their i'weaty Toes from Gravel, 
 And look'd about as they lay lurking, 
 
 ^ To fee the bufy Syrians working: 
 But none could fee them for their Spell, 
 They were fo hid, they might as well, 
 Tho' they had been never fo nigh 'em, 
 See through a double Door -as fpy 'em. 
 Near flood the Church, a pretty Building, 
 Plain as a Pike-flaff without gilding, 
 I cannot liken any to it, 
 Unlefs't be Pancras, if you know it. 
 
 7 This Church Queen Dido, 'tis related, 
 Built, and to Juno dedicated, 
 And was beholden unto none, 
 But built it all both Stick and Stone, 
 At her own proper Co ft and Charges ; 
 No Church in the Country near fo large is: 
 It was well laid with Lime and Mortar ; 
 For fo the Workmen did exhort her, 
 Becaufe it would be fo much flronger, 
 And fo, you know, would lafl the longer : 
 
 * Lucus in urbe fuit media, latijfimus umbra : 
 
 6 lnfert fe feptus nebula, mirabile diclu, 
 
 Per ?nedios, mifcetque <viris ; neque cernitur ulii. 
 
 7 Hie templum Junoni ingem Sidonia Dido 
 Candebat, i ■« 
 
 It 
 
Book I. Virgil tfravejlie. 3'5 
 
 It had a Door peg'd with a Pin, 
 
 To fhut Folks out, or let Folks in, 
 
 And in a pretty wooden Steeple, 
 
 A Low Bell hung to call the People. 
 
 JEneas and his Friend went thither, 
 
 Seeing a many Folks together, 
 
 Whole mifty Cloaks fo well did hide 'em, 
 
 That in they went, and no one fpyM 'em. 
 
 8 But when they wonder'd to behold 
 The Images fo manifold, 
 That flaring flood in fundry Places, 
 As if they would fly in their Faces : 
 Then quoth JEneas to's Comrade, 
 This Fellow Mailer was on's Trade, 
 That pidlur'd thefe : Look, look, as I am 
 An honed Man, yonder's our Priam ; 
 See where he Hands in Silk and Sattin, 
 As he could fpeak both Greek and Latin : 
 Whoop, yonder's Heclor too, and Troy/us. 
 Look thee, how there the Grecians foil us f 
 9 And there our trully Trojans do 
 Band them and pay them quid for quo. 
 Yonder Achilles gives a Rap, 
 With his Cock- feather in his Cap : 
 
 8 Artificumque man us inter fe> operwnque labor em 
 Miratur ; <videt Iliacas ex or dine pugnas, 
 Bellaque jam famd totum <vulgata per orbem ; 
 Atridas, Priamumque, cif fte^vum ambobus Achillem. 
 Conftitit, iff lacrymans, £>uis jam locus (inquit) Achate, 
 £hi(£ regio in terris nofiri non plena laboris ? 
 
 ' 9 qjidebat, uti bellantes Pergama circum 
 
 Hac fugerent Graii, premeret Trojana jwventus ; 
 Hac Pbryges ; tnjiaret curru crijiatus Achilles. 
 
36 Virgil Travejlie. Book I. 
 
 And yonderY one, for all's Bravado, 
 Knocks him with lufty Baftinado. 
 How came thefe here to be pi&ur'd thus ? 
 Sure all the World has heard of us. 
 
 1 Whilft thus JEneas fad and muddy 
 Stood mufing in a dark brown Study, 
 In comes Queen Dido, that fair Lady, 
 In Apron white, as on a May-day : 
 
 A Crew of Royfters waited on her, 
 
 Which there were call'd her Men of Honour: 
 
 All clad in fair blue Coats and Badges, 
 
 To whom Queen Dido paid good Wages, 
 
 2 Ev'n as a proper Woman mows, 
 When into Wake, or Fair me goes, 
 Clad in her bell Apparel, fo 
 Queen Dido all this time did mow, 
 And was fo brave a buxom Lafs, 
 That me did all the Town furpafs. 
 Into the midft o'th' Church fhe marches, 
 And there betwixt a pair of Arches, 
 Upon a Stool fet for the nonce, 
 
 She went to reft her Marrow-bones, 
 And on a Culhion lluft with Flocks, 
 She clapt her dainty Pair of Docks. 
 
 1 H&c dum Dardanio ^Eneae mi ran da <videntur> 
 Dam ftupet, obtuiuque haret defixus in uno : 
 Regina ad templum forma phicherrima Dido 
 Incejfit, magna jwvenum fipante catered. 
 
 2 Qualis in Eurotse ripis, aut per juga Cynthi 
 Exercet Diana choros, quam mi lie fequutte 
 
 Hie atque hint glomerantur Oreades ; ilia pharetram 
 Fert humeroy gradienfque Deas fupereminst omnes. 
 
 3 There 
 
Book I. Virgil Traveftie, 37 
 
 3 There Dido fat in State each Day, 
 
 To hear what any one could fay ; 4 
 
 Some to rebuke, and for to fmcoth forne, 
 
 And give out Laws wholeforne, or toothfome j 
 
 To punifh fuch as had Infolence, 
 
 And make them good Nolens or V olens : 
 
 And there likewife each Morning tide, 
 
 She did the young Men's Tasks divide 1 
 
 Wherein great Policy did lurk, 
 
 Each knew his Jobb of Journey-wcrk, 
 
 And fell about it without jangling : 
 
 But that which kept them moll from wrangling 
 
 V/as that they ftiil drew Cuts to know, 
 
 Whether they Should work hard or no : 
 
 And who had the longer! Cut, and th' beft, 
 
 And ftill more Work than all the reft. 
 
 4- Here whilft JEneas fqueez'd and thrult is> 
 To fee Queen Dido doing juftice : 
 Who fhould he but his Fellows fpy, 
 Got into Dido's Company : 
 There Antheus was (no Mortal fiercer) 
 And one Sergeftus too, a Mercer, 
 With other Trojans that would vapour, 
 Cloanthus too, the Woollen-draper, 
 All which and forty Trojans more, 
 Were wonderfully got to Shore, 
 
 3 Turn /or i bus Di<v& media te flu dine templi % 
 Septa armis y folioque alib fubnexa re/edit ; 
 Jura dabat y lege/que <virii> operumque laborem 
 Partibus eequabat juftis 9 aut forte trahebat* 
 * Cum fubita -/Eneas concur fu accedere magno 
 Antbea^ Serge ft umque <videt 9 fortemque Cloanthum t 
 Teucrorumque alios ; ater quos tequore turbo 
 Difpukraty pemtufque alias avexerat oras* 
 
 5 M 
 
3 8 Virgil Traveftie. Book I 
 
 * At this JEneas and his Friend, 
 
 Were e'en almoft at their Wits End ; 
 
 Z'lid, Jove forgive me that I fwear, 
 
 Quoth he, how think'ft, how came they here I 
 
 Nay, quoth the other prefently, 
 
 JEneas, what a Pox know I ? 
 
 6 JEneas was fo glad on's Kin, 
 
 He ready was to leap out on's Skin ; 
 And fo was the other, for in Sadnefs, 
 They were e'en mad, 'twixt Fear and Gladnefs. 
 But yet it feems they were fo wife, 
 To keep 'em fafe in their Difguife : 
 Until their Friends had try'd the Opinions 
 Of the kind hearted Carthaginians % 
 
 7 At lafl they faw one I/ioneus, 
 A Trojan very Ceremonious ; 
 A Youth of very fine Condition, 
 A very pretty Rhetorician ? 
 One that could Write, and Read, and had 
 Been bred at Free-fchool from a Lad, 
 Thruft up to Dido in good Falhion, 
 And thus begins his fine Oration : 
 8 O Queen, who here haft built a Village, 
 And keep'ft thy Ground in hearty Tillage, 
 
 s Objiupuit Jimul ipfe, Jimul perculfus Achates, 
 
 6 latetitiaque, rnetuque, avidi conjungere dextras 
 drdebant ; fed res animos incognita turbat. 
 Dijfimu/ant, fif nuhe cava fpeculantur amitfi, 
 Qurf for tuna viris ; ■ 
 
 7 Pofquam introgrefji, fcif coram data copia fandi, 
 Maxunus Ttioneus placido fee pedore caepit : 
 
 8 O Regina, novam cui condere Jupiter urbem> 
 J uftitiaque dedit gentes frtenare fuperbas ; 
 Troes te miferi, vent is tnaria omnia vecli, 
 Oramus ; prohil? infettidos a navibus ignes : 
 Puree pio generic & propius res of pice noflras. O thou, 
 
Book I. Virgil c travejlie % 33 
 
 O thou, who haft the Royal Science 
 
 To govern Men as wild as Lions, 
 
 Behold us here, who look like Men 
 
 New eaten and fpew'd up agen : 
 
 So fpitefully has Fortune croft us, 
 
 So woefully the Seas have toft us. 
 
 A few poor T rojans here you fee, 
 
 Even as poor as poor may be ; 
 
 Thrown on the Shore by Wind and Weather, 
 
 111 Luck, the Devil, and all together ; 
 
 And humbly do befeech your Grace, 
 
 To pity our moft woeful Cafe. 
 
 Your Men are all in hurly-burly, 
 
 And look upon us grim and furly ; 
 
 So that, if you be not good to us, 
 
 They'll burn our Boats, and quite undo us: 
 
 Therefore we pray you, fend fome one, 
 
 To bid 'em let our Boats alone. 
 
 9 Alas, we come not to purloin, 
 Either your Cattle or your Coin, 
 Neither to filch Linen or Woollen, 
 Nor yet to fteal away your Pullen ; 
 W' have no fuch knavifh Ends as thefe, 
 But only to beg Bread and Cheefe. 
 * We were hard rowing to a Place, 
 A hardi(h Kind of Name it was, 
 
 9 Non nos aut ferro Lyhicos populare Penates 
 Venimus, aut rapt as ad lit or a <vertere pr&das I 
 Non ea <vis ani?no, nec tanta fuperbia viclis. 
 * Eft locus ( Htfperiam Graji cognomine dicutit ) 
 Terra antiqua, potens armis, atque ubere glebtf ; 
 Oenotrii coluere wiri ; nunc fama, minor es 
 Italiam dixijje, ducis de nomine, gent em 
 Hue curfusfuit ; 
 
 Where 
 
4.0 "Virgil Travejlie. Book I, 
 
 Where once your what lhali's cairums (rot 'em, 
 It makes me mad I have forget 'em) 
 Liv'd a great while ; but now d'ye fee, 
 *Tis known by th' Name of Italy : 
 
 3 When on a fudden one Orion 
 Powder'd upon us, like a Lion, 
 And fquander'd us on Flats and Shelves, 
 Enough to make us drown ourfelves : 
 So that of Sixfcore-Men, and deft ones, 
 Even here, O Queen, are all that's left onY 
 % Then what fhould all your Syrians thus 
 To fcowl and look askew at us ; 
 
 0 where the Devil were they bred ? 
 Sure ranker Clowns ne'er lived by Bread f 
 And, for to tell your Grace my Thought, 
 
 1 think they're better fed than taught $ 
 For fas I am an honed Man, 
 
 Let 'em deny it if they can) 
 
 3 No fooner landed we to bait us, 
 
 But that the Rogues threw Cow-turds at us : 
 
 But, £>ueen 9 I hope, thoul't teach the Wretches 
 
 Henceforth to meddle with their Matches. 
 
 1 Cum fubi to ajfurgens fluclu nimlofus Orion 
 
 In <vada c<zca tulit, penitufque procacibus Auftris 9 
 
 Perque undas 9 fuperante falo, perque in<via faxa 
 
 Difpulit ; hue pauci *veftris adna<vimus oris. 
 
 % Quod genus hoc hominum ? qutewe hunc tarn barbara morem 
 
 Permittit patria ? * Hofpitio probibemur anna I 
 
 Bella cient, primaque wtant confifiere terra. 
 
 4 JEneas 
 
Book I. Virgil f v-aveftic. 4^ 
 
 * JEneas once did us command, 
 A taller Fellow of his Hand, 
 Nor honefter, ne'er did, or mall 
 Draw up a Trapftick to a Wall. 
 If he but live, and that already 
 He be not drowned in fome Eddy, 
 You of your Coft will ne'er repent you, 
 For to a Penny he'll content you. 
 
 5 Look then o'th' Trojans and befriend 'era, 
 Let's draw our Boats afhore and mend 'em, 
 We'll promife you, that if we meet 
 Our Captain with the reft o'th' Fleet. 
 And if he be not turn'd t' a Gudgeon, 
 We towards Italy will trudge on : 
 6 And if that he mall ftill be lacking, 
 Then back again we'll ftraight be packing. 
 
 7 Dido, like Woman of good Falhion, 
 Gave fpecial Heed to his Relation, 
 
 * Rex erat ^Eneas nobis ; quo juftior alter 
 Nec pietate fuit, nec belli major, Qp armis \ 
 £$uem ft fata <virum fer<vant, ft <vefcitur aura 
 JEthered, necque adhuc crude libus occubat umbris % 
 Non metus, officio nec te certdjjfe prior em 
 Vceniteat. » 
 
 5 Quajfatam mentis liceat fubducere daffem, 
 Et jfyl<vis aptare trabes, & Jlringere remos $ 
 Si datur Italiam, fociis & rege recepto, 
 Tender e ; ut It alt am Iteti, Latiumque petamus : 
 
 6 Sin abfumpta falus, & te, pater optime Teucrum^ 
 Pontus habet Libya, nec /pes jam refiat liili : 
 
 j4t freta Sicani<s faltem, fedefque paratas, 
 TJnde hue ad<ve£li, regemque petamus Aceften. 
 
 7 Turn breviter Dido, <vultum demiffa, profatur t 
 So Invite corde metum, Teucri, fecludite cur as. 
 
 Res dura, &* Regni novitas me tali a cogunt 
 
 Moliri, > And 
 
\$ Virgil 7* raveftie. Book I. 
 
 And all the while he did relate it, 
 
 Mumpt like a Bride that would be at it. 
 
 At laft when he had told his Tale, 
 
 Mantling like Mare in Martingale, 
 
 She thus reply'd, Trojans be cheary, 
 
 Pluck up your Hearts, and reit you merry ; 
 
 Our Town folks here are fomething wary, 
 
 Not that they any Ill-will bear ye ; 
 
 For they are very honeft Fellows, 
 
 But that of late a Chance befel us. 
 
 To tell you true, the other Day, 
 
 When then all my Folks were gone to th' Hay, 
 
 A lufty P^afcal, fuch a one 
 
 As one of you (Difpraife to none) 
 
 Comes into th' Yard, and off the Hedge, 
 
 Where all our Cloaths were hung to bleach, 
 
 Whips me a Brand-new Flaxen Smock, 
 
 The very belt of all my Stock ; 
 
 And runs away wi't in a Trice : 
 
 ('T had ne'er been on my Back paft twice : 
 
 But you, I know, fuch Bafenefs fcorn, 
 
 You all are Men well bred and born : 
 
 8 Who has not heard o'th' Trojan People, 
 
 And of JEneas and his Swipple ? 
 
 Nor (hall you find us Dames of Tyre, 
 
 So far removM from Phoebus* Fire ; 
 
 But we can cherifh lufty Yeomen, 
 
 And carry Toys like other Women. 
 
 S Qui* genus JEneadum y quis Trojse nefciat urbem ? 
 V irtutej'que, <vir6jque> aut tanta incendia belli ? 
 Non obtufa adeo gejiamus peel or a Pesni ; 
 Nec tarn aver/us equos Tyria Sol jungit ab urbe. 
 
 9 Therefore 
 
Book I. Virgil TraveJHe. 4J 
 
 9 Therefore you fhall, whether you go 
 
 Straight on to Italy , or no ; 
 
 Or whether you row on the Main, 
 
 To your own Parifh back again, 
 
 Have what you want, nor will I dun ye, 
 
 But pay me when you can get Money ; 
 
 * But if you tarry here, this Town 
 That I now build fhall be your own ; 
 And be as free you Trojans fhall, 
 As any Tynan of 'em all. 
 A Man's a Man, as I have read, 
 Though he have but a Hole on's Head : 
 + And I could wifh that the fame Weather 
 That blew your tatter'd Scullers hither, 
 Would blow JEneas hither too, 
 And then there were no more to do. 
 J But I'll fend out my Men ; who know5 a 
 But he may now be picking Sloes 
 In our Town-woods, or getting Nuts, 
 For very need to fill his Guts ? 
 
 || JEneas in his mifly Cloak, 
 Heard every Word Queen Dido fpoke. 
 
 9 Seu <vos Hefperiam magnam* Saturniaque arva, 
 true Erycis fines, regemque optatis Aceften> 
 Auxilio tutos dimittam^ opibufque jttnjabo. 
 * V ultis &* his mecum pariter corfidere regnis ? 
 Urbem quam ftatuo, <veftra efl ; Jubducite naves. 
 Tros, Tyriufque mthi nulla difcrimine agetur. 
 -f- Atque utinam Rex ipfie Noto compulfus eodem 
 
 Afforet ./Eneas [ 
 
 % Per litora certos 
 
 T)imittam, Libya lufirare extrema jubebo ; 
 
 Si qui bus eje&us fylvis, aut urbibus err at. 
 
 || His animum arredi diclis, QP fortis Achates, 
 
 Et Pater ^neas, jamdudum erumpere nubem 
 
 Ardebant ■ » ■■ ■■■ - JJ er 
 
4 4 V i r g i l Travejiie. Book I. 
 
 Her Honey Words made his Mouth water, 
 
 And he e'en twitter'd to be at her : 
 
 But he was fo o'erjoy'd, he flood 
 
 Like a great Sloven made of Wood ; 
 
 And could not fpeak (though he was willing) % 
 
 Would one have gave him forty Shilling. 
 
 1 At laft his Friend jog'd him with Hand, 
 
 How like a Logger-head you Hand ! 
 
 Quoth he, for certainly I think, 
 
 Thou'rt either mad, or in thy Drink : 
 
 Doft thou not fee our Friends all round, 
 
 Excepting one whom we faw drown' d ; 
 
 And all as well as Heart can wifh, 
 
 And yet thou Hand 1 ft as mute as FHh ! 
 
 2 Scarce he had fpoke, but off he threw 
 His Mantle made of Mifts fo blue, 
 
 And flood as plainly to be feen 
 As any there, God blefs the £>ueen. 
 
 3 For's Mother had fo dizen'd him, 
 That he (hould mew both neat and trim : 
 Tho' (truly !) he was but an odd Man, 
 Splay-mouth'd, crump-fhoulder'd, kke the God Pan i 
 Yet could he not iW Nick invent 
 
 Her Majefty a Compliment : 
 
 i ■ Prior JEneam compellat Achates : 
 
 Nate Ded, qua nunc animo fententia furgit ? 
 Omnia tut a <vides ; clajjem, fociojque receptos % 
 XJnus abeft, medio in fiudu quern vidimus ipfi 
 
 Submerfum : — * 
 
 a Vix ea fatus erat, cum circumfufa repente 
 
 Scindit fe nubes, & in athera pur gat apertum : 
 
 Rejiitit JEneaSy claraque in luce refulftt, 
 
 3 Os humerofque Deo jimilis ; namque ipfa dec or am 
 
 Cafariem nato genitrix, lumenque jwventa 
 
 Purpureum, & latos oculis affidrat konores. But 
 
Book I. Virgil 7" ^avefiie. 
 
 45 
 
 But fcratch'd his Head, and 'gan to fputter, 
 
 His Elbow rubb'd, and kept a Clutter, 
 
 Mopping and mowing, till at taft, 
 
 All Difficulties over-pad, 
 
 1 In Courtly Phrafe it thus came out : 
 
 Madam (quoth he) your humble Trout ; 
 That fame JEneas whom you prize thus, 
 Is here without Deceptio <vifus : 
 
 1 that fame very Man am here, 
 
 And come to tafte of your good Cheer ; 
 
 2 O Dido, Primrofe of Perfection, 
 Who only granteft kind Protection 
 To wand' ring Trojans, how mall we 
 E'er pay thee for this Courtefy f 
 
 We never can, my dainty Friend, 
 Then let Jove do't, and there's an End, 
 5 Thus having ended his fine Speech, 
 Towards the Queen he turn'd his Breech ; 
 And fpoke to's Men, fays, Lads, how is't ? 
 Come, give me every one a Fill ; 
 
 1 Tu?n Jic Reginam alloquitur, cunMfque repents 
 Improvifus ait ; Coram, quern queer itis, adfum 
 Tro'ius JEneas, 
 
 2 O fola infandos Troj& miferata labores, 
 
 3 Sic fatus ; amicum 
 llionea petit dextrd, latvdque Sere/?tnn ; 
 r^Jiy alios } forthnque Gyan, fortemque Cloanthzm* 
 
 c 
 
 IIovv 
 
4 
 
 4 6 
 
 Virgil Travejiie. 
 
 Book I. 
 
 Howdoft thou, -Gay J| and Sirs, how d'ye ? 
 Now by my Troth, I'm glad to fee ye j 
 **Tis better being here I trow, 
 Than where we were a while ago, 
 No longer fince than Yefterday : 
 Welcome to Tyre as I may fay. 
 
 With that to fhaking Hands they fall, 
 And he moll friendly fhak'd them all : 
 Surely he was no Counterfeiter, 
 No Bandog could have fhak'd 'em better; 
 
 1 Queen Dido ravifh'd to behold 
 The Carnage fweet of this Springold, 
 Star'd for a while as fhe'd look through him, 
 And then thus brake her Mind unto him : 
 
 2 O thou who haft fo finely been bred, 
 And com'd art of fuch honeft Kindred, 
 
 By what ftrange luck haft thou been hurry'd., 
 As if the Fates would thee have worry 'd : 
 *Tis ftrange thou haft not burft thy Hoops, 
 Thou'ft been fo bang'd about the Stoops. 
 
 3 Art thou JEneas with th'great Ware 
 So famous for a Cudgel- player, 
 Whom Venus, with her fine Devices, 
 Bore that old Knocker, good Anchifes f 
 
 4 My Father Belus went with Teucer, 
 |I think he had not many fprucer) 
 
 1 Obftupuit primo afpeSiu Sidonia Dido, 
 Cafu deinde <viri tanto, £ff Jic ore locuta eft : 
 
 2 £>uis te 9 nate Ded, per tanta fericula cafus 
 Infequitur ? qua vis immanibus applicat oris ? 
 
 3 Tune ille iEneas, quern Dardanio Anchifae 
 Alma V enus Phrygii ge?iuit Simoentis ad undam ? 
 
 4 At que equidem Teucrum me mini Si don a venire, 
 Finibus expulfum pair Us, nova regna petentem 
 
 Auxilio Be/i. 
 
 To 
 
Book I. Virgil Travejlie. 47 
 
 To take PofTeflion of an Ifland, 
 That was fome twenty Rood of Dry-land. 
 1 And he flill gave great Commendations 
 Of Trojans 'bove all other Nations ; 
 He could have nam'd you all by dozens, 
 And told me you and he were Coufins. 
 
 2 Therefore, young Men, to Carthage you 
 Are welcome without more ado : 
 I have myfelf (I'd have you know) 
 Been driven to my Shifts e'er now, 
 And therefore, in my Jurifdi&ion, 
 Pity a Bead that's in Affliction : 
 3 With that (he ftretched forth a Hand, 
 So white, it made JEneas ftand 
 Amaz'd to fee'c (for know that fhe 
 Still wafh'd her Hands in Chamber-lee) 
 And led JEneas in kind Fafhion, 
 Towards her Grace's Habitation ; 
 And made a Curtzy at the Door, 
 And pray'd him to go in before : 
 But he mod courteouily ery'd, no, 
 I hope I'm better bred than fo } 
 But let him fay what he fay could, 
 Dido fwore Faith and T roth he Ihould : 
 
 1 Jpfe hojlis Teucros injlgni lande ferehat ; 
 Seque or turn antiqua Teucrorutn a jiirpe <volebat. 
 z Quare agite, 6, teflis, jtwenes, fuccedite mftris* 
 Me qucque per fnultos fimilis for tuna labor es 
 jfaflatam, hdc detnum *voluit conjiftere terra t 
 Non ignara mali miferis fuccurrere difco. 
 3 Sic memorat ; Jimul jEnean in regia duett 
 Tecla : 
 
 Well 
 
48 Virgil Traveftie. Book I. 
 
 Well (quoth JEneas) I fee ftill 
 Women and Fools muft have their Will : 
 And thereupon, without more talking, 
 Enters before her proudly {talking. 
 Scarce were they got within the Doors, 
 But Dido ealFd her Maids all Whores, 
 And a great Coyl and Scolding kept, 
 Becaufe the Houfe was not clean fwept. 
 
 1 Then all in halte away me fends 
 Victuals unto JEneas* Friends ; 
 Peafe Porridge, Bacon, Pudding, Sowfe, 
 O'th* very bell me had iW Houfe : 
 Butter, and Curds, and Cheefes plenty, 
 To fill their Guts that were full empty. 
 Bidding them eat, and never fave it, 
 But call for more, and they mould have it. 
 * This being done, the dainty Queen 
 Conducts the Trojans further in ; 
 Into a Parlour neat fhe takes 'em, 
 And there moll fairly welcome makes *em : 
 She ferv'd 'em Drink and Victuals up, 
 As long as they would eat or fup ; 
 Whilit each one there fo playM the Glutton, 
 That he was forced to unbutton. 
 No fooner had the Trojans bold 
 Stuff'd their Guts full as they would hold ; 
 
 1 Nec minus interea fociis ad litora mittit 
 Viginti tauros, magnorum horrentia centum 
 Ttrga fuum, pingues centum cum matribus agnos i 
 % At domus i?iterior regalt fplendida l*xu 
 Inftruitur : mediifyue parant con c vi c via teclis* 
 
 But 
 
Book I. Virgil Traveftie. 49 
 
 But that JEveas ftrait begun, 
 1 All to bethink him of his Son. 
 
 * Now you muft know that he had had * See Ser. 
 A Wench, and by that Wench a Lad : mtus upon 
 The Lafs Creufa had to Name r Virgil. 
 Whom (be it fpoken to their Shame) 
 The Greeks when firft they took Troy City, 
 Did thruft to Death, without all Pity : 
 Firft of that Sex fure in fair Jufting, 
 That ever fuffer'd Death by thrufting. 
 
 1 His Son Afcanius hight, a Page, 
 About fome dozen Yeats of Age, 
 This Boy JEntas fent Achates 
 To fetch (quoth he) fince we gratis > 
 Why mould not now my little Baftard, 
 (That I dare fwear would prove no Dailard ) 
 Come to Queen Dido's Houfe, and feaft 
 As we have done o'ch' very bell ? 
 Go fetch him then, 3 and let him bring's 
 Gut of my Coffer thofe gay Things 
 I fav'd at Troy ; which for their Finenefs 
 He mail prefent unto her Highnefs. 
 There is a Riding-hood and Safe-guard 
 Of yellow Lace, bound with a Brave- guard* 
 
 1 Omnis in Afcanio chart flat cura parentis. 
 
 2 ./Eneas — rapidum ad na<ves pra?nittit Achatem 
 Afcanio ferat ha?c, ipfumque ad mcenia ducat. 
 
 3 Munera praterea, lliacis erepta minis , 
 Ferre jubet ; pa Ham Jtgnis, auro'que rigentem, 
 Et circumtextum croceo °uela?nen Acantho ; 
 Omatus Argiva? Helena? ; quos ilia Mycenis, 
 Pergama cum peter et, inconcejfofque Hymenaeos, 
 Extulerat ; ' ■ ■ ■» 
 
 C 3 Which 
 
50 Virgil Travejiie. Book % 
 
 Which Helen wore the very Day 
 
 That Paris ftole her quite away. 
 
 1 Then there's a Diftaff neatly wrought, 
 
 That Pan's too for Helen bought, 
 
 For carved Works fit to be feen, 
 
 Betwixt the Legs of any Queen.- 
 
 And then there is a fair great Ruff, 
 
 Made of a pure and coftly Stuff, 
 
 To wear about her Highnefs' Neck, 
 
 Like Mifs Kocaneys in the Peak ; 
 
 And laft a Quoif, wrought gorgeoufly 
 
 With Tinfe), and Blue Coventry : 
 
 Then go as faft as th' canft, I prithee, 
 
 And bring him and thefe Prefents with thee\ 
 
 2 Away goes he, as he was bidden, 
 Running as faft as if h r had ridden ; 
 But Venus that fame cunning Dame, 
 Had yet another Trick to play 'em, 
 
 3 She had no very good Opinion 
 
 Of your fo fmooth-tongu'd Carthaginian ; 
 Nor knew fhe but the Queen might be 
 As full cf Craft as Courtefy ; 
 
 4 And fhe was fure that Juno would 
 Do all the Mifchief that fhe could ; 
 
 1 Praterea fcepfrum, Ilione quod gejfe rat olim> 
 Maxima natarum Priam i, cclloque monile 
 Baccatum, & duplicem gemmis auroque coronam* 
 z H&c celeransy iter ad naves tendebat Achates; 
 At Cytherea novas artes, nova peel ore verfat 
 Conjilia : ■ 
 
 3 Quippe domum timet ambiguam, Tyridfcjue bilingues, 
 * Urit atrox Juno, 
 
 Therefore 
 
Book L V i r g i l Travejiie. 51 
 
 Therefore flie in all hafte did run 
 T 1 a Boy caird Cupid was her Son, 
 
 This Cupid was a little Tyny, 
 Cogging, Lying, Peevifh Nyny $ 
 No bigger than a good Point Tag, 
 But yet a vile unhappy Wag : 
 He ne'er would go to School, but play 
 The Truant ev'ry other Day ; 
 Run Men into the Breech with Pins, 
 Throw Stones at Folks and break their Shins 1 
 Kill Peoples Hens, and Ileal their Chicks, 
 And do a thoufand Roguy Tricks : 
 But with a Bow the Shit-breech Elf 
 Would ihoot like Robin Hood himfelf > 
 And had, I warrant, ev'ry Dart, 
 Poyfon'd with fuch a fubtle Art, 
 That where they hit their Pow'r was fo, 
 It made Folks love, would they or no ; 
 And for this Trick the hopeful Youth 
 Was call'd, The God of Love, forfooth.- 
 
 To this young Squire Dame Venus trotted. 
 As I (if you have not forgot it) 
 Told you before, and thus begun 
 To flatter up her gracelefs Son : 
 1 My Goldy Locks (quoth flie) my Joy* 
 My pretty little tyny Boy ; 
 Thy Mother Venus comes to thee 
 ST implore thy little Deity. 
 
 1 Gnate, me^e vires , mea magna pot entia folus> 
 G/tate, Patris fummi, qui tela Typhoia temnis ; 
 dd te con/ugh^ tsf fupplex tuar numinapofco, 
 
 C 4 J Thou 
 
52 Virgil Travejiie. Book I. 
 
 1 Thou know'ft as well as any other, 
 
 How Juno vile has us'd thy Brother, 
 
 Our poor JEneas, what a Clatter, 
 
 She made to drown him on the Water ; 
 
 Nay, fhe wculd do more Mifchief ftill, 
 
 If the curft Queen might have her Will. 
 
 z JEneas now is at a Place, 
 
 Call'd Carthage, with a handfome Late, 
 
 Queen Dido nam'd, where now he is 
 
 Made on as much as Heart canwifh ; 
 
 * But left the Queen mould change her Mind 
 
 As Weather-cocks do with the Wind, 
 
 And thorough Juno's Wiles, at lair, 
 
 Shew him a Woman's fiipp'ry Call : 
 
 My pretty Archer, let us two 
 
 Shew the proud Slut what we can do. 
 
 My Sen JEneas does difpatch 
 
 Achates to the Wharf to fetch 
 
 My little Grand child, who mull come, 
 
 To fup in Dido's Dining room. 
 
 Now fmce that thus in ffidrt the Cafe is, 
 
 And that thou canft fo well cut Faceb ; 
 
 1 Frater ut ./Eneas pelago tuns omnia circum 
 Litora jailetur, odiis Junonis iniqua> 
 
 Not a tibi : — — 
 
 2 Nunc Phcenifla tenet Dido, hlandifque moratur 
 Vocihus : & <vereor, quo fe Junonia njertant 
 llofpitia ; baud tanto cejfabit cardine rerum, 
 
 3 Quocirca caper e ante do lis, Iff cingere Jlamtna 
 Reginam meditor ; ne quo fe numine mutet ; 
 
Book I. Virgil Travejlie. 5 3 
 
 1 1 I would have thee to fet thy Pbys- 
 Nomy in fuch a Shape as his : 
 And go along as meek and mild 
 As any little fucking Child : 
 When thou com'ft there, I know the Queen 
 Will clip and kifs thee Cheek and Chin ; 
 Dandle, and give thee Figs and Raifons, 
 Then muft thou play thy petty Treafons, 
 Lick her Lips, Flatter her, and Cog, 
 And fet her Highnefs To o'th' Gog, 
 That Fame and Honour me may go by, 
 And let JEneas firk her Toby. 
 3 This is my Plot, and that nought crofs it, 
 I'll make the Child aJLeeping PofTet ; 
 And when he's faft, 1 will him hide 
 I'th' Top o*'th' Garret upon 7de. 
 
 * Cupid who Mifchief lov'd, I think, 
 Better by half than Meat or Drink, 
 Without all manner of Reply 
 Prepares him Tor his Roguery, . 
 
 * »" Faciem mutatus iff ora Cupido 
 
 Pro dulci Afcanio <veniat, 
 a jT# faciem illius no Si em non amplius unam, 
 Falle dolo ; &* notos pueri puer indue wuhus i 
 Ut, cum te gremio accipiet Isetijfima Dido, 
 Regales inter menfas, laticemque Lyasum, 
 Cum dabit amp/exus, atque ofcula dulcia figit^ 
 Occultum infpires ignem\ fallafque <veneno. 
 
 3 Huvc ego fopitufn fomno, fuper alta Cythera 
 Aut fuper Idalium facratd fede recondam. 
 
 4 Paret Amor didlis charts genitricis, .& a/as 
 Exu.it > & grejfu gaudens incedit IiiU. 
 
54 Virgil "Traveftie.. Book 1, 
 
 His Wings he from his Shoulders throw?, 
 Becaufe they'd not go into's Clothes ; 
 And drefs'd himfelf to fuch a Wonder, 
 That none could know the Lads afunder. 
 
 1 But Venus gave th' other a Sop, 
 That made him fleep like any Top ; 
 And whilft he taking was a Nap, 
 She laid him neatly in her Lap, 
 And carry'd him t' a Houfe that flood 
 Upon a Hill near to a Wood : 
 
 And when ihe had the Urchin there, 
 She laid him up in Lavender. 
 
 2 In the mean time, Sir Cupid goes 
 To th r Court in young lulus* Cloaths ; 
 
 3 Who mould he fee when he came there, 
 But Dido fitting in a Chair, 
 l'th' midfl of all the Trojan Blades, 
 Vap'ring and fwearing at her Maids ! 
 Under her Feet a Cricket ftood, 
 Whereupon me ftamp'd as fhe were Wood | 
 And likewife there was finely put 
 A Cufhion underneath her Scut. 
 
 1 At Venus Afcanio placidam per membra quiet em, 
 Irrigat ; & fotum gremio Dea to/lit in altos 
 Tdaliae lucos : ubi mollis amaracus ilium 
 Floribus, &> dulci afpi ran s compleSlitur umbrdi, 
 
 M J amque ibat ditto parent, — — 
 
 3 Cum <venit> aul<zisjam fe regina fuperlis 
 Aured compofuit fpondd, me di amque locavit. 
 Jam pater Jfeneas, e> jam Trojana juventus 
 Gonnjeniunt, Jlratoquejuper dijcumbitur oJirQ. 
 
 There 
 
Book I. V i r g i r Travefiki 
 
 There as me fat upon her Crupper, 
 
 1 She bad her Folks to bring in Supper, 
 And in they brought a thund'ring Meal, 
 Great Joints of Mutton, Pork, and Veal, 
 Hens, Geefe, and Turkies, Ducks, and C 
 And at the laft, Fools, Flawns, and Buftards x 
 The Trojans eat and make good Cheer, 
 Tunning themfelves with Ale and Beer; 
 There was old Drinking then and Singing, 
 And all the while the Bell was ringing : 
 
 One would have thought by the great Feaft, 
 
 'Thad been a Wedding at the leaft. 
 
 Whilft thus they Eat, and Drink, and Chat*. 
 
 2 Cupid that little cogging Brat, 
 So cunning was in counterfeiting, 
 ttncas thought him on's own getting. 
 At lair, Queen Dido in her Lap, 
 
 Sets me the Mountebanking Ape, 
 And kill his Lips all on a Lather, 
 And thus befpeaks the new made Father : 
 
 By th* Mack (quoth me) thou Trojan trufly, , 
 Thou got'it this Boy when thou wert luily ; . 
 And any one that does but note him, 
 May foon know who it was begot him % , 
 
 1 Quinquaginta intus fa?nulte quibus ordine longo 
 Cura penum flruere> & fia?n?nis adolere Penates* 
 Centum alite, totidemque pares tztate minijlri> 
 £hu dapibus men fas onerent, & pocula ponant. 
 
 2 Hie, ubi complexu ^Enea? } colloque pependit^ . 
 Et magnum falfi imple ; vit genitoris a?norem, 
 Reginam petit ; hc-ec oculis^ h&c peSlore toto 
 Htfret : & interdum gremio fonjet infcia Dido ? 
 htftdeat quantus mi/era Deus. — — 
 
 C 6 Tdars 
 
5# Virgil 'Travejlie. Book L 
 
 I^'are be fworn 'twas thoa diclil get him, 
 He's e'en as like thee as th'hadft fpit him. 
 
 1 Whilft thus the Youth (he kifs'd and dandl'd, 
 Cupid had fo the Matter handPd, 
 That me began upcn a fudden 
 To feel a longing for White Pudden. 
 a When they had fupp'd, and that the Waiters 
 Had Trenchers ta'en away, and Platters ; 
 
 * CJp from her Chair Queen Dido Harts, 
 And takes a Mug that held two Quarts 
 Of Drink, that me, with much forbearing, 
 Had fav'd long fmce for her Sheep- (hearing: 
 And thus begins, Here, Sirs, here's to you, 
 And from my Heart much good may do you : 
 
 4 JEweas, here's a Health to thee, 
 
 = — and to good Company ; 
 
 And that he will not pledge me fairly* 
 And name the Words as I do barely ; 
 I do pronour ce him to be no Man, 
 And may he never tickle Woman. 
 
 5 With that (he fet it to her Nofe, 
 And off at once the Rumkin goes ; 
 
 » __ At memor ille 
 Matris Acidalise, paulatim abolere Sichaeum 
 Jncipit, & vivo tent at pra<vertere amore 
 y ' ampridcm reftdes animos 
 
 * Pofiquam prima quies epulis, menfaque remota ; 
 Crater as magnos Jlatuunt, iff <vina corcnant. 
 
 * Hie Regit: a gravem gemmis, auroque popofcit, 
 Imflewtque mero pateram ; quam Belus, & omnes 
 A Belo foliti. 
 
 * Adfit latitia Bacchus dator, & bona Juno 
 jEfvos, $ ccetum* r Yyn\ 9 celebrate fanjevtes. 
 
 5 Dixit, & in men/a laticum libwvit honorem, 
 Ttimaque libato fummo tenus attigit ore. 
 
Book I. Virgil Travejlie. $7 
 
 No Drops befides her Muzzle falling, 
 Until that me had fup'd it all in : 
 
 Then turning't * Topfey on her Thumb. * Alias 
 
 Says, Look, here's Supernaculum,. Kelty. 
 
 JEneas, as the Story tells, 
 
 And all the reft did blefs themfelve9 r . 
 
 To fee her troll off fuch a Pitcher, 
 
 And yet to have her Face no richer. 
 
 'By Jove, quoth he (knocking his Knuckles) 
 
 Td not drink with her for Shoe-buckles : 
 
 But, Madam (fays he) fweetly bowing, 
 
 I hope your Grace does not make * Plowing : * Ending 
 
 For if you do at this large rate, one, and 
 
 There will be many an aking Pate : beginning 
 
 1 With that he took a lufty Swimmer, another. 
 
 Here, Sirs (quoth he) I drink this Brimmer, 
 In kind Return for our Protections, 
 Unto Queen Dido's beft Affe&ions. 
 
 1 Down went their Cups, and to't they fell, 
 Roaring and fwaggering pell-mell, 
 3 Whilft a blind Harper did advance, 
 That wore Queen Dido's Cognizance, 
 A Minftrel that Iopus hight, 
 Who play'd and fung to them all Night : 
 He fung them Songs, Ballads, and Catches, 
 Of Mens Devices, Womens Patches ; 
 
 i ■ Ilk impiger haufit 
 
 Spumantem pater am , iff p/eno fe proluit auro. 
 
 x Poft alii proceres, - < < 
 
 3 — C it bard crinitus lopas 
 
 Perfonat auratd, docuit qute maximus Atlas, 
 
 Hie canit err ant em Lunam, ■ 
 
 With 
 
£8 Virgil Travejiie. Book It 
 
 With ancient Songs of high Renown, 
 And even one they call Troy Town ; 
 At that JEneas fhak'd his Noddle, 
 As one would do an empty Bottle : 
 (Quoth he) if he that wrote this Ditty 
 Had been with us i'th'midft o'th'City, 
 When Faggot-flicks flew in Folks Chops, 
 Andknock'd men down as thick as Hops, 
 I do believe for all's fine Chiming, 
 He would have had fmall Mind of Rhiming : 
 Yet for to give the Devil's Due,- 
 Whoe'er it was, the Ballad's true. 
 
 1 From Dido then a Belch did fly, 
 9 Tis thought Ihe meant it for a Sigh, 
 And Tears ran down her fair long Nofe; 
 The Queen was maudlin, I fuppofe. 
 
 2 (Quoth me) JEneas, out of Jetting, 
 Thou needs mull tell, at my Requefting, 
 AH the whole Tale of Troy y s Condition, 
 Since firft you troubled was with Grecian ; 
 Heclors great Frights, and Priam's Speeches, 
 And eke defcribe Achilles* Breeches, 
 How ftrong he was when he did grapple, 
 And if Tydides' Horfe were dapple : 
 Tell me, I fay, of Par is' Lech'ry, 
 The Grecians Quarrel, and their Treach T ry, 
 
 3 Infelix Dido, longumque bibebat amor em ; 
 % Multa fuper Priamo rogitans, fuper He&ore multa ; 
 Nunc, quibus Aurorae njeniffet Jilius armis ; 
 Nunc, quales Diomedis equi nunc, quantus Achilles : 
 Imo age, iff a prima die, hofpes, origine nobis 
 Infidias, inquit, Danaum, cafufque tuorum, 
 
 iZrrorefque iuos : \ 
 
 Your 
 
Book I. Virgil Traveftie. 
 
 59 
 
 Your Challenges, your Fights, and Battles, 
 And how you loft your Goods and Chatties, 
 And to what Places you have wander'd 
 E'er fince you were fo bafely fquander'd 
 AH thefe Things would I know raoft duly;,.. 
 
 Then tell me fpeedily and truly. 
 
 The End of the Fir ft B 0 OK. 
 
 S C 1 AR\ 
 
SCJRRONIDES: 
 
 O R, 
 
 Virgil Traveftie. 
 
 MOCK - POEM 
 
 In Imitation of the 
 
 FOURTH BOOK 
 
 O F 
 
 FIRGlVs /Eneis, 
 
 In Englijh BURLES Q.U E; 
 By CHARLES COTTON, Efq; 
 
 The Thirteenth Edition, 
 
[ «3 3 
 
 V I R GIL 
 
 TRAVESTIE. 
 
 The Fourth Book. 
 
 i 
 
 N this Fourth Book we find it written, 
 That Dido Queen was deeply fmitten j 
 Much taken with the Trojan** Perfon, 
 Than which a properer was fcarce one : 
 Much of his Breeding did fhe reckon ; 
 But that which ftabM her was his Weapon ; 
 For which fhe did fo fcald and burn, 
 That none but he could ferve her turn. 
 
 z The Sun, that fpruce light-headed Fellow, 
 With frizel Locks of fanded Yellow, 
 
 1 At Regina gravi jamdudum faucia cur a 
 V ulnus alit '<venis y C3° caeca carpitur igni m 
 Multa <viri virtus animo, multufque re cur fat 
 Ge'ntis honos y hatrent infixi peSlore vultus, 
 Verbaque ; nec placidam membris dat cur a quietem* 
 1 Pojiera Phcebea luftrabat lampade terras, 
 Humentemque Aurora polo dimoverat umbram ; 
 Cum Jic unanimm alloquitur male /ana fororem. 
 
 The 
 
64 Virgil Vraveftie. Book I 
 
 The Windows crept by Radiation, 
 Like Son begot in Fornication, 
 y/hcn DMo, mad to go to Man, 
 juft thus befpoke her Sifter Nan : 
 1 I've been all Night (quoth (he) my Nancy r 
 So ftrangely troubPd in my Fancy, 
 I could not reft till Morning-peep, 
 Odd Dreams have fo difturb'd my Sleep : 
 % What a ftout Stripling's this Mnms* 
 That thus has crofs'd the Seas to us ! 
 I do believe, nay, dare fwear for him, 
 No mortal Woman ever bore him : 
 3 But fome Great Lady in the Sky, 
 That nurs'd him up with Furmity. 
 I hate a bafe cowardly Drone,, 
 Worfe than a Rigil with one Stone : 
 But this bold Trojan I delight in, 
 * How bravely does he talk of Fighting I 
 I tell thee, Nancy, were't not that 
 Folks would be apt to talk and prate, 
 Should I fo foon new Suitors have, 
 5 My Husband yet fcarce cold in's Grave % 
 
 1 Anna foror, qua me fufpenfam Infimnia terrent ! 
 
 2 S£uis no<vus hie nofiris fuccejfit fedibus hofpes ! 
 Quern fefe ore ferens ! quam forti p eft ore, & arms ! 
 
 3 Credo equidem [nec *vana fides) genus e£e Deorum* 
 Degeneres animos timor arguit. 4 Heu qui bus ille 
 Jaftatus fatis ! £>u<z bella exhaufla canebat ! 
 
 S Ne cui me <vinc*lo <vellem fociare jugali, 
 Poflquam primus amor deceptam morte fefelltt * . 
 Si non pertafum thalami, ted a que fuijfet, 
 Huic uni for/an potui fuccumbere culpa x 
 
 And 
 
Book I. Virgil?" raveftie. 65 
 
 And were I not with my firft Honey- 
 Half tir'd as 'twere with Matrimony ; 
 I could, with this fame Youngfter tall, 
 Find in my Heart to try a Fall. 
 
 1 I muft confefs fince that fad Seafon, 
 Pygmalion, cut my Ha/bund's Weazon : 
 This only (not to mince the Matter) 
 Has made my Jiggambob to water : 
 
 2 But may I firft, I Jove implore, 
 Sink thorow this my Chamber- floor, 
 Down quick into the Cellar's Bottom, 
 E'er I commit the Thing you wot on ; 
 Or any Thing by Luft's Suggeftion, 
 
 3 That my good Name may bring in queftion. 
 * Which faid, me wept in manner ampler, 
 Than Girl new whipt for lofing Sampler, 
 Nan in ;her Anfwer was not long, 
 
 For nimble Baggage of her Tongue 
 
 She was, (as fome would fay that knew her) 
 
 As was in that and next Town to her. 
 
 5 O Sifter dearer to me far, 
 
 Than Sun-mine Days in Harveft are : 
 
 1 Anna [fatebor enim) miferi poft fata Sichaei 
 Conjugis, & fparfos fraterna cade Penates, 
 Solus hie inflexit fenfus, animumque labantem 
 Impulit ; agnofco ceteris veftigia Jlamma. 
 z Sed mihi vel tellus opt em prius ima debifcat, 
 V el pater omnipotens adigat me 
 
 3 Ante pudor quam te violem, aut tua jura refolvam >* 
 
 4 Sic effata, finum lachrymis implevit obtrtis* 
 
 5 Anna refert i 0 luce magis dikcla form, 
 
 ** Wilt 
 
66 Virgil 5" raveftie. Book I 
 
 1 Wilt thou (quoth me) O Woman wood, 
 Still ftop the Current of thy Blood, 
 And lofe the Time by vain Pretences 
 Of making pretty Boys and Wenches ? 
 Wilt thou cut Faces evermore, 
 For Husband Dead as Nail in Door ? 
 Doft thou believe, thou puling Thing, 
 
 2 That dead Folks care for whimpering ? 
 
 3 'Yield, and be nought at laft, y'have plaid 
 The Fool too long, here be it faid, 
 And flood too much in your own Light, 
 Or long enough ago you might 
 
 4 Have match'd yourfelf, and that well too, 
 To rich and proper Men enow. 
 What though you have faid many nay, 
 Yea, and burnt Day-light, as we fay, 
 Goodman larlas here hard by, 
 And others of good Yeomanry, 
 That might have paft ; becaufe forfooth ; 
 They could not pleafe your dainty Tooth, 
 
 5 Muft you ftill mince it at this rate, 
 With one you twitter to be at ? 
 
 1 So lane perpetua mcerens carper e jwventa ? 
 Nec dukes natos, V eneris nec prcemia noris ? 
 z Id cinerem, aut manes credis curare fepultos ? 
 3 Ejlo ; tegram nulli quonda?n fiexere mariti \ 
 * Non Libyae, non ante Tyro ; defpeclus Iarbas, 
 Duclorefque alii, quos Africa terra triumphis 
 Dives alit : * Placitcque etiam pugnabis amori ? 
 Nec <venit in mentem, quorum confederis ar<vis ? 
 Hinc Getula urbes, genus infuperabile bello 9 
 Et Numidte infrani cingunt, & inhofpita Syr tit: 
 
 Hinc . 
 
 Barcai 
 
 You 
 
jSook L Virgil f ^avefiie^ 6y 
 
 (on ne'er confider'd what a Throng 
 Df faucy Knaves you live among, 
 3afe ill-bred cheating forry Currs, 
 lafcals as falfe as Moor landers, 
 iuch Fellows, as I greatly doubt me, 
 f you no better look about ye, 
 \nd leave this foolilh twittle twattle, 
 To match with one will tent your Cattle* 
 <Vill in Ihort Space not leave a Goofe, 
 furky, or Hen about the Houfe : 
 
 Your Brother too, he fwears and curfes 
 \bout his Money-Bags and Purfes. 
 
 I do believe that Jove and Juno, 
 Whom all the World, and I, and you know) 
 lave ever been your faithful Friends 
 •or fome moft fecret courteous Ends, 
 )ver blue Neptune** bouncing Ferries, - 
 lave hither fent thefe Trojans Wherries* 
 
 Oh, were thefe Trojans marry'd to us, 
 low oft, and ably would they do us ! 
 
 What a fine Town would ours be then, 
 low bravely ftot'd with lufty Men ! 
 "lien without any more ado, 
 ifter, fay Grace, and fo fall too: 
 "'hey in good Manners Ten to One, 
 Vill make an Offer to be gone ; 
 rind rather trull their rotten Barges, 
 ."han (lay to put you to more Charges ; 
 
 i Germamque minas ? ■ 
 
 V Diis equidem aufpicibus reor, & Junone fecundd 
 
 luc cur sum Iliac as njento tenuijfe carinas. 
 Quam tu urbem foror banc cernes ! qu<# furgere regna 
 
 on j u Kt° tali ' Teucrum comitantibus armis^ 
 
 'unica fe quant is at toilet gloria rebus ! * But 
 
68 Virgil Travejlie. Book I 
 
 1 But you may make 'em at Command, 
 As eas'ly Hay as kifs your Hand. 
 * Can you not tell 'em that the Weather 
 'S too cold or hot (no Matter whether) 
 Their Scullers torn and fliatter'd fo, 
 That they muft mend 'em e'er they go ; 
 And in Conclufion with good Reafon 
 Wifh 'em to expecl a better Seafon ? 
 3 With fuch like Documents as thefe are, 
 Which the young Slut knew bell would pleafe her, 
 Nancy fo tickled up her Grace, 
 That Dido fcarce knew where fhe was. 
 Nay fome affirm a dangerous Matter, 
 She'd much ado to held her Water ; 
 And counfel'd in that tempting Strain, 
 I wonder how fhe could contain ; 
 But certain 'tis, that this Advice 
 So wrought upon this Widow nice, 
 That fhe, who Maid, Widow, and Wife, 
 Had priz'd her Honour 'bove her Life j 
 + Now car'd no more for her good Name, 
 Than any common Trading Dame. 
 5 But to the Church (forfooth) anon, 
 That Matters might go better on, 
 
 1 ¥11 modo — — 
 
 Indulge hofpitio, caufafque innede morandi : 
 
 2 Du?n pelago def&'vit by ems, et aquofus Orion, 
 ^uaffataque rates, et non traclaiile caelum. 
 
 ? His dtclis incenfum animum inflamma<vit amore, 
 Spemque dedit dubi<z 4 mmti, folvitque pudorem. 
 5 Principio Delubra adeunt, pacemque per aras 
 Exquirnnt* - 
 
Book IV. Virgil Travejlie. 6$ 
 
 (Like People o'th' Phanatick-fry, 
 Whofe Sanftity's Hypocrify) 
 They mull, and flipping on their Pattens, 
 They went, as who fhould fey, to Mattens. 
 
 Thither now come, fair Dido fquats 
 Her Bum on Haflbck made of Mats : 
 For you mull know, as Story fsys, 
 Queens, like the Godly in thefe Days, 
 Jn Manner infolent and flighty, 
 Difdain'd to kneel to God Almighty. 
 But Anna, who was but a Spinfter, 
 Kneel'd low on Stones as hard as Flints are ! 
 Their Eyes they roll'd, and bow'd their Bodies 
 To this and th* other God and Goddefs, 
 1 To Ceres, Phaehus, and Ly&tts, 
 
 And twenty harder Names than * The" as. * A Figure 
 
 z But Juno had mod Veneration, fo new, that 
 
 As (lie was Queen of Copulation. ?nodern Aw 
 
 Prayers being done, up Dido rofe, thors haue 
 
 And- to the Prieft demurely goes ; yet no Name 
 
 She gently pulls him by the Garment, for it* 
 
 The revVend Type of his Preferment, 
 
 And with moil gracious Looks and Speeches, 
 
 To borrow a Word or two befeeches. 
 
 The Prieft bow'd low in aukward wife, 
 
 As 'tis, you know, Sir Rogers Guife, 
 
 And in obfequious Manner told her, 
 
 Her Grace with him might make much bolder. 
 
 This Prieil was held a mighty Clerk, 
 ||l Myileries profound and dark ; 
 
 1 Legifcra Cereri, Phceboque, patrtque Lyaeo, 
 " Jutioni ante omnes, cui wine la jugalia cura. 
 >l''4 tenens dextrd pater am fulcherrima Lido, &C. 
 
 D 1 Had 
 
jo Virgil Travefiie. Book IV. 
 
 i Had Skill in Phyfick, and was able 
 To tell Folks Fortunes by their Table. 
 Him (he conjures, intreats, and prays, 
 With all the Cunning that me has, 
 Greaies his Fill ; nay more, engages 
 Thenceforth to mend his Quarter's- Wages, 
 Jf he would but refolve the Doubt 
 That me then came to him about. 
 But't had been vain, had he been wifer, 
 Or to inftrua, or to advife her. 
 a Alas, poor Pried ! how fruitlefs is't 
 To judge by Pbys'nomy or Fift. 
 Or what do Prophecies avail, 
 When Women have a Wisk i'th' Tail ? 
 
 3 Dido for Love, in vvoful wife, 
 Bubbles, and boils, and broils, and fries, 
 And in her^am'rous Moods and Tenfes, 
 Ev'n like one out of all her Senfes : 
 About the Town me runs and reels, 
 With all the School-boys at her Heels : 
 
 So I have feen in Pail u res fair, 
 Where Cattle educated are, 
 
 4 An Heifer young when fhe doth itch, 
 With Gad-bees flicking in her Breech, 
 From fhady Brake on fudden rife, 
 And with her Tail ereft to th' Skies, 
 
 i „ Spirantia confalii exta. 
 
 % Heu, <vatum ignarte mentes ! quid <vota furentem, 
 
 Quid Deluhra jwvant ? eft mollis flamma medullas 
 
 Interea, & taciturn <vi<vit fub peclore vulnus. 
 
 I Uritur infelix Dido, totdque yagatur 
 
 Vrbe fur ens, * Quails conjettd cerva fagittd, 
 
 Quam procul —— - 
 
Book IV. Virgil Travcftie. yi 
 
 \, 1 Run through the Field with Frisks and Kicks, 
 
 In various Capreols and Tricks, 
 
 Soine Eafe, poor Thing, alas ! to find ; 
 j| * When, lo ! the Sting flicks faft behind : 
 
 One while me takes her \ lufty Lover, 
 
 Meaning her Paflion to difcover ; 
 
 She leads him out from Place to Place, 
 
 And mews him all that e'er me has ; 
 \ Difclofes all her fecret Wealth, 
 
 And fays if Jove fend Life and Health, 
 | That me (though fimply there me Hand ) 
 ! Will make that Living as good Land, 
 * If Hie continue but a while on't, 
 
 As any lies within five Mile on't. 
 
 Then me + begins to mump and fmatter, 
 
 Willing to break into the Matter, 
 ■ And ask the Queflion, when (alas !) 
 
 To fee how Things will come to pafs, 
 
 When (he molt fain would break her Mind 
 
 She fooner could by half break Wind, 
 
 Than fpeak a Word : Virtue forfooth, 
 
 I And Modeiiy fo flop d her Mouth ; 
 
 5 Over and over then (he treats 
 
 Him, and his Mates, with fundry Meats, 
 
 | Whilfl Trojans round befiege her Boards, 
 
 Merry as Greeks, and drunk as Lords, 
 
 — 1 Ilia fuga fylvas faliufque per a gr at. 
 1 Hseret laieri lethalis arundo. 
 
 3 Nunc media zEneam Cecum per mania ducit, 
 Sidoniafque often tat opes urhemque par at am. 
 
 4 Incipit effari, mediaque in voce rejifiit % 
 
 5 Nunc eadem, lab ante die, convivia queer it ; 
 
 D 2 When 
 
^ Virgil f rcvefiie. Book 
 
 When fure as e'er they fit at th* Tnble, 
 j She calls again to hear Troy's Fable : 
 Nay, lov'd it fo, that Hie, 'tis faid, 
 The Ballad then of Troy -Town made. 
 We owe her for't, and let us pay't her ; 
 Who Englifh'd it, was her Trauflator. 
 •* Now when with raking up the Flit 
 Each one departs to Bedford/hire : 
 And Pillows all fecurely fnort on, 
 l ike Organifts of fanVd Eogs-norton % 
 
 3 Dido, poor Qaeen, alone doth lie, 
 Dreaming on true Love's Phys*nomy : 
 And in that Humour, fhe the fmali 
 
 4 Afcanius takes, Trcyh Juvenal ; 
 And in her Lap en Tuft of Sorrel, 
 Laying the little wanton Gorrel, 
 •Oft would (he fighing fay, This Lad, 
 O that he <were but like his Dad ! 
 
 This Life the woeful Dido led, 
 JL eat her Board, and eke at Bed; 
 
 5 Her Houfew'fery no more regarding, 
 Neither her Spinning nor ber -Carding.: 
 
 1 Biacofque iterum iemem auJire labor es 
 Expofcit, pendente iterum narr.-antis ab ore. 
 z Pojl, urbem digreffi, lumevqae ebfeura <vicijfim 
 tuna premit ; fuadentque cadentia fydera fomnos ; 
 
 3 Soli domo mceret vacua, Jlratijque reliclis 
 lucubat v - ■ 1 
 
 4 Aut gremio Afcani um genitoris imagine capta 
 Pet i net, infantum fi fuller e pofjit amor em. . 
 
 5 Non cceptce affurgunt turres ; non arma juVentus 
 Exercet, portufve, aut propugnacula be Ho 
 
 Tata par ant; Pendent opera interrupta, minajue 
 Murorum ingentes, <equataqne machina ccelo. 
 %u«mfimdac tali perfect pep teneri 
 
Book IV. Virgil fr^fc 73 
 
 But, like a Dame of Wits berenven, 
 
 Let all things go at fix and feven. 
 
 Which when Queen Juno (for thefe two 
 
 Were Clove and Orange you muft know) 
 
 Perceiv'd, and that, than blind Cheeks blinder, 
 
 She threw all Care and Sterne behind her : 
 
 She Venus in thefe Words accofts, 
 
 1 You and your Son may make your Boafh, 
 
 With Shame enough, that God and GoddeG, 
 
 Like fublunary Bufy bodies, 
 
 To make a Woman light as Feather, 
 
 Do lay your learned Head* together, 
 
 z 'Twas not for nought that I was ever 
 
 Afraid of you two coming hither ; 
 
 You, and your little blinking Urchin 
 
 Againft this Town have ftill been lurching, 
 
 3 But when fhall we give o'er this Pother, 
 And leave off vexing one another ? 
 
 Be thou but mine, I'll be thy Friend, 
 
 4 Let's marry 'em, and there's an End, 
 Thou haft thy W r ifh, thy little Archer 
 Has made our Dido mad as March- hare. 
 
 Chara Jo<vts conjux, nec famam oh ft are furori ; 
 Ta/ibus aggreditur V enerem Saturnia di£lis : 
 
 1 Tuque, puerque tuns : magnum* & memorabih nomen^ 
 Una dolo divum ft faemina <vi£la duorum eft. 
 
 2 Nec me adeo fallit, <veritam p maenia noftra, 
 Sufpefias habuijfe domos Carthaginis altte. 
 
 3 Sed quis erit modus ? aut quo nunc certamine tanto f 
 
 4 $)uin potius pacem teternam, patlofque Hymenaos 
 Exercemus ? babes, tota quod mcnte petifti. 
 Ardet amans Dido, traxztcue per oftfa fur or em. 
 Com?nunem bunc ergo populum paribufque regamus 
 Aufpiciis ■ > 
 
 D 3 The* 
 
74 Virgil Travejlie. Book IV. 
 
 Then let us all old Quarrels quit, 
 Leave being fuch a peevifh Tit : 
 
 1 Troy Lads fhall marry Tyrian Laffes, 
 And we will be as merry as pafTes. 
 
 2 Venus, who knew me did but glaver, 
 For all the fine fmooth Words fhe gave her, 
 And profFer'd Love's not worth a Cow-turd, 
 (You know) if fpoke but from Teeth outward* 
 
 3 Like cunning Quean in Smiles array'd her, 
 And in her own Coin thus me paid her : 
 
 O Juno, Queen, Jove's Bedfellow, 
 Who here above, or who below, 
 
 4 With thee would quarrel or contend, 
 And not ftiil reft thy loving Friend ? 
 I like the Motion well, but that 
 
 * There's one main Thing I Mumble at ; 
 And that in downright Truth is this, 
 (Jove pardon if I think amifs) 
 I am afraid (this Doubt I put ye, 
 Indeed, Taw now, is fomethir.g fmutty} 
 Bat I the Scruple mull not fmocher ; 
 Women you know, to one another 
 .May freely fpeak (and here be't faid, 
 'Twixt you and me) I'm fore afraid, 
 .My Son's fo big (which rarely fails), 
 Abcut his . ■ and Genitals, 
 
 i Liceat Phrygio fervire marl to, 
 
 Dotalefque tua; Tyrios permittere dextr<*>. 
 
 * Olli {fenfit enim fimulata mente locutam) 
 
 3 Sic contra eft ingreffa Venus 
 
 4 — — £)uis talia demens 
 Abnuat ? aut tecum malit contendere hello ? 
 
 5 Si mode, quod memoras, fattum fortuna fequatur : 
 Sedfatis incerta fcror l Si Jupiter unam 
 Etfe velit That 
 
•Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 75 
 
 That I am half afraid left he 
 
 Should chance to fpoil her Majefty. 
 
 1 At that Queen Juno fmiPd and faid; 
 
 Of that (Wench) never be afraid, 
 
 For if they once do come together, 
 
 He'il 'find that Dido's reaching Leather : 
 
 Jf then that Dido and his Son, 
 
 To do as other Folks have done, 
 
 a Thou give Confent : (mark) and in few Words, 
 
 Which mail be friendly Words and true Words s 
 
 Til tell the how I've caft about, 
 
 And laid a Plot to bring Ym to't : 
 
 3 To-morrow ere the Sun (Heav'n blefs him) 
 Can fee to rife, at leaft to drefs him, 
 JEneas and the Queen have imde, 
 
 (The Queen and he I mould have laid) 
 A Match to go after her Wonting, 
 Into- the Woods a Squirrel-hunting : 
 Now I, whilil ail on tv % ry Side 
 The Thickets round are occup) 5 d, 
 And eagerly their Game are following, 
 As Hunters ufe, whooping and hollowing : 
 
 4 Will caufe big-bellied Clouds to pour 
 Upon their Coxcombs fuch a Shower, 
 
 * — 1 Turn fic excepit Regia Juno, 
 Mecum erit ifte labor ■: 
 — — 2 Nunc, qua ratione, quod injlat, 
 Confieri pojfit, paucis [adverte) docebo. 
 
 3 V enatum ^Eneas, unaque miferrima Dido, 
 In nemus ire parant, ubi primos craftinus ortus 
 Extulerit Titan, radiifque retexerit orbem* 
 
 4 His ego nigrantem commifia grandine nimbum, 
 Dum trepidant al<z, faltufque indagine cingunt % 
 Defuper vifundam » ■ ■ ■-■ 
 
 E M And 
 
y6 Virgil Travejlie. Book IV, 
 
 And will with Rain and Hail fo clout 'em, 
 
 They'll not have one dry Thread about 'em. 
 
 1 Befides, fuch Thunder- claps (hall burft out, 
 
 As fome of 'em (hall fmell the worfe for't. 
 
 a Trojans and Syrians helter-skelter, 
 
 Will then all run to feek for fhelter. 
 
 Then each one there will fliift for one, 
 
 And leave the Queen and him alone, 
 
 3 Dido and Dildo, in this Cafe, 
 
 Shall .'.nd a Cive as fit a Place 
 
 For fuch an Ufe, fo fine and dark, 
 
 That if jEneas be a Spark, 
 
 They there, in fpight of all foul Weather, 
 
 May take a gentle Touch together : 
 
 So each of other may have Proof, 
 
 * And marry after time enough. 
 Venus who very well could fathom 
 
 The Bottom of this fubtle Madam, 
 
 Soon fmelt her Practice, and her Art > 
 
 A* ftrong as fhe had let a Fart : 
 
 Yet that (he might her Malice blind, 
 
 And fit the Lady in her kind, 
 
 * She feems her free Confent to give, 
 And trips it laughing in her Sleeve- 
 
 ■ 1 Et tonitru caelum omne ciebo. 
 
 % Diffugient comites, nofle tcgentur opacd. 
 * Speluncam Dido, dux Troj .nus eandem 
 Deuenient : adero, tz? > tua Jl mi hi cert a voluntas , 
 Connubio jungam flab »///, * 
 — , . , * prepriatnque dicabo : 
 
 Hie Hymen & us erit — 
 
 — 5 Non a due r fata petenti 
 
 Annuity at que dolis rifit Cytberea repertis* 1 Mean 
 
Book IV. Virgil 7* y-aveftie. 77 
 
 1 Mean while the Sun, as it his Courfe is, 
 
 Got up to drefs and water's Horfes ; 
 
 When out the merry Hunters come, 
 
 With them a Fellow with a Drum *, * A very ne~ 
 
 Your Syrian Squirrels will not budge elfe, ceffary Inflru* 
 
 Well arm'd they were 1 with Staves and ntent in Squir- 
 
 Cudgels ; rel-hunting. 
 Tykes too they had of all Sorts, 1 Bandogs, 
 Curs, Spaniels, Water dogs, and Land-dog. 
 * Thefe far the Queen expe&ing, tarry, 
 Who longer lay than ordinary ; 
 Forme at Night could take no Eafe, 
 She had been bit fo fore with Fleas. 
 
 5 Her Mare well trap'd of her own fpinning, 
 TyM to the Pails flood likewife whinning ; 
 For why (as Poets fmg the Fable) 
 
 Her Foal was bolted up i'th 1 Stab T e. 
 
 6 At laft me Tallies from the Houfe, 
 As fine and brisk as Body-loufe. 
 
 F She Hood and Safe guard had bran new, 
 The Lace was yellow, Cloth was blue ; 
 
 1 Oceanum interea fur gens Aurora reliquit : 
 It fort is jubare ex or to , delect a jwvenius* 
 
 Retia rara, plague 
 
 *- x Lato cvenabula ferro, 
 
 - * odor a canum <vis, 
 
 4 Reginam Tbalamo cun£lantem y ad limine frimi 
 
 Raenorum expe Slant , \ ■ 
 
 ■ 5 Ojh oque infignis & auro 
 
 Statfonipes, acfrtena ferox fpumantia mandit. 
 
 6 Tandem progrediiur ■ 
 
 7 Sidoniam piclo chlamydem circum -ata limbo ; 
 
 P 5 Fail 
 
78 Virgil TraveJIie. Book IV. 
 
 Fall: to her Girdle ty'd with Thong, 
 
 1 A Bunch of Keys compleatly hung : 
 For why well knew the thrifty Queen, 
 That Servants ftill have flipp'ry been : 
 Which made her careful of her Pelf, 
 
 ' Evermore keep the Keys herfelf. 
 
 2 With he. hlus came, that Stripping, 
 
 A Youth e'en fpoiPd for want of Whipping ; 
 For's Father and his foolilh Grannam 
 Had ever made a Wanton on him : 
 
 3 But when his Sire appear'd in play, 
 Mounted upon his Galloway, 
 
 'Tis faid by fome that better knew him, 
 The reft look'd like Tooth-drawers to him : 
 
 4 No fpright-y Groom fo trim and trick is, 
 That juft upon Preferments Prick is, 
 
 5 As was jEneas, Stories fay, 
 When clad in Clothes of Holy-day, 
 
 His Breeches, fav'd from Troy's Combuftion^ 
 Were Kendal, and his Doublet Fuftian ; 
 
 1 Cut pharetra ex auro — « - 
 
 Aurea purpuream fubneBit fibula <vefiem< 
 
 « a C5 latus lulus , 
 
 «- — 3 ipje ante alios pulcherrimus omnes 
 
 Iff eft fe foci urn Tineas ,, 
 
 4- Quails, ubi hybernam Lyciam, Xanthique Jluenta 
 Deferity ac Delum maternam invijit Apollo, 
 
 Infiauratque choros ; ■ 
 
 5 Mo Hi que fluent em 
 
 Fronde premit crinem fingens, atque implicat auro i 
 
 — — Haud Mo fegnior ibat 
 
 ^Bneas : t ant am egregio dec us enitet ore* 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 79 
 
 Pink'd with moft admirable Grace, 
 
 And richly laid with green Silk-lace. 
 
 1 Athwart his brawny Shoulders came 
 
 A Buldrick made, and trimm'd with th'fame ; 
 
 Where Twibil hung with Bafket-hik, 
 
 Grown rufty now, but had been gilt ; 
 
 Or guilty elfe of many a Thwack, 
 
 With Dudgeon Dagger at his Back, 
 
 Upon his Head he wore a Hat, 
 
 Jnftead of Sattin, fac'd with Fat, 
 
 W T hich being limber grown we find 
 
 Moft fwafhingly pinn'd up behind ; 
 
 With Brooch as gaudy and as tall 
 
 As ev'ry foremoft Horfe of all. 
 
 In bell Apparel thus array 'd r 
 They now begin their Cavalcade 
 Towards the Woods, % where bc'ng ere long,. 
 Arriv'd, (for 'twas not pad a Furlong 
 From Carthage as the Learn'd compute it, 
 And let who has been there confute it) 
 They ev'ry way difperfe themfelves, 
 To watch the little nimble Elves ; 
 As who mould fay, Come this, or that Way, . 
 T'other, or any Way, have at ye. 
 
 The Drummer now 'gan lay aboutliim, 
 And all the People fall a mouting, 
 Such Peals they gave of Men and Boyp, 
 A Man could hardly hear for Noife ; 
 Nay, Dido Queen, they fwore that heard it, ... 
 Shouted as loud as any there did. 
 
 1 Tela fonatit humeri s ■ 
 
 a Pojlquam altos ventum in montes> atque invia faxa 9 
 Ecce ferce faxi dejeftte <vertice ■ ■■■■■> 
 
 D 6 « The 
 
So , Virgil Traveftie. Book IV. 
 
 1 The frighted Squirrels Stumps belabor 
 
 As they had dane'd to Pipe and Tabor ; 
 
 Skipping and leaping in their Dances 
 
 From Tree to Tree o'er Boughs and Branches, 
 
 Now on the utmoft Top and then, 
 
 At one Leap at the Root agen. 
 
 z But young dfeanius, Hopes o'th* Houfe, 
 
 Gtr'd not for Squirreling a Loufe ; 
 
 For he's, whilfr. they are at their Chafe, 
 
 Playing at Hide and fcck, or Bafe 
 
 Among his Mates, and wifhes rather 
 
 (And (o the Sm'ppling told his Father) 
 
 For naughty Vermin that would bi:e him, 
 
 Or Throflie Neil, though'c did 
 
 3 Mean while the Clouds began to clatter, 
 And to pour down whole Pails of Water, 
 The Thunder quite out-roar'd the Drum, 
 
 4 And Hail- Hones bigger than one's Thumb, 
 Came pelting down. Then all, to fave 'em 
 Ran as if twenty Devils drave 'em 
 
 1 Decurrere jugis ; alia de parte patentes 
 Travfmittunt curfu campos, aique agmina cervi 
 F uluerulenta fuga glomerant, montefque relinquunt* 
 1 At puer Afcanius mediis in *vallibus acrt 
 G'judet equo, jamque bos curfu, jam preterit iitos ; 
 vpumantemque Jari [pecora inter inertia) <votis 
 Optat aprum aut fulwum de/cendcre monte leonem* 
 5 Liter ea magno mifceri murmur e ccehim 
 Incipit : 
 
 1 4 Infequitur commifla grandine nimbus 
 
 Et Tyrii comites pajfim, &> Trojana jwventus, 
 Dardaniufque nepos V eneris> diver/a per agros 
 Ttcla metu petiere ; ruunt de montikus amnes 
 f fulfere ignes m - 
 
 Whiffi 
 
Book IV. V t r g 1 l T y-auejlfa S i 
 
 Whilft young Afcmim and his Mates, 
 Were wafrYd and dafh'd like Water-rats. 
 Fair Dido then, for all her Hoops, 
 Bang'd her old Mare about the Stoops, 
 ^ n d jogg'd her Buttocks though a Queen, 
 For fear of being wet to tk' Skin; 
 Nay, ev'n JEneas felf, forgetting 
 His Reputation, Ihrunk i'th' wetting, 
 And ran, or would have done at leait, 
 But that his Hone, a fober Beaft, 
 Proceeded flow, with Motion grave, 
 And crav'd the Spur, in Care to fave 
 His Mailer's Neck, as fome fuppofe, 
 Though his Care was to fave his Cloaths ; 
 He fpur'd, nor yet was Dide idle, 
 For gingle, gingle, went her Bridle, 
 1 Till Fortune, or Dame Juno rather; 
 Clap'd 'em into a Cave together. 
 The Cave fo darkfom e was that I do 
 Thing Joan had been as good as Dido ; 
 Bat fo it was, in that Hole, they 
 Grew intimate, as one may fay : 
 The Queen was blithe, as Bird in Tree, 
 And bill'd as wantonly, whilft he, 
 * By Hindlock feizing fail Occafion, 
 Slip'd into Dido's Conversion : 
 And in that very Place and Seafon, 
 'Tis thought JEneay did her Reafon. 
 
 1 Speluncam Dido, dux ©° Trojanus eandem 
 Deveniunt\ prima & Tellus 9 & pronuba Juno 
 Dant fignum ■« 
 
 2 , — Confcius ather 
 
 Connubii ■ J This 
 
82 Virgil tfraveftie. Book IVv 
 
 1 This Sport of Mifchief much was Caufe, 
 For fweet Meat will have fower Sauce ; 
 And they their Time in Cave fo fpending* 
 Beginning was of Dido's Ending. 
 
 Her Majefty rtow no more nice is ; 
 
 2 Nor feeks me now by fine Devices 
 To hide her Shame ; but leads a Life, 
 As if they had been 3 Man and Wife. 
 
 4 At this a Wench, call'd Fame, flew out 
 
 To all the good Towns round about. 
 
 This Fame was Daughter to a Oyer, 
 
 That whilom liv'd in Carthage -Jhire 9 
 
 $ A little prating Slut, no higher, . 
 
 When Dido firft arriv'd at Tyre, 
 
 Than this • < — But in a few Years Space 
 
 Grown up a lufty ftrapping Lafs. 
 
 A long and lazy Queen I ween, 
 
 She was brought up to few nor fpin, 
 
 Nor any kind of Houfewifery, 
 
 To get an honeft Living by ; 
 
 6 But faunter'd idly up and down, 
 
 From Houfe to Houfe, and Town to Town, 
 
 * llle dies primus lethi, primufque malorum 
 Caufa fuit ■ 
 
 - 1 Neque eijim fpecie, fama ve movetur, 
 
 Nec jam furtivum Dido meditatur amorem. 
 
 3 Conjugium <vocat : hoc prtetexit nomim culpam. 
 
 4 Extemplo Lybiae magnas it fama per urbes, 
 Fama ■ 
 
 5 Parva metu primo ; mox fefe attollit hi auras , 
 Ingrediturque folo, & caput inter nuhila condit. 
 Mohilitate viget, <virefque acquixit eundo. 
 
 *»» ■ 6 Pedibus celerem, & pernicibus a/is ; 
 
 fc j fc Cut?— tot <vigi/es oculi — - — - Ta 
 
Book IV. V i r Gil Travejlle, 83 
 
 To fpy and Men after News, 
 Which fhe Co mifchievoufly brews, 
 That ftill whatever fhe fees or hears, 
 Set Folks together by the Ears. 
 1 This Baggage that ftill took a Pride to 
 Slander and back bite poor Queen Dido ; 
 Becaufe the Queen once, on Detection, 
 Sent her to th' Manfion of Correction. 
 z Glad fhe had got this Tale by th' end 9 . 
 Rcns me about to Foe and Friend ; 
 
 3 And tells them that a Fellow came 
 From Troy or fuch a Kind of Name, 
 To Tyre, about a Fortnight fince, 
 Whom Dido feafted like a Prince : 
 Was with her always Day and Night, 
 Nor could endure him from her Sight, 
 
 And that 'twas thought fhe meant to marry him* 
 
 4 At this Rate talk'd the foul-mouth'd Carrion ! 
 * At laft fhe does t' larbas go, 
 
 6 She never in fuch Things was ilow ; 
 
 1 Monfirum horrendum ingens 5 * 
 
 2 Ha'c cum multiplici populos fermone replehat 
 Gaudens, ■ 1 
 
 3 V enijfe /Eneam Trojano a fangnine cretum ; 
 Cut fe pulchra <viro dignetur jungere Dido. 
 Nunc hyemem inter fe luxu, quam longa, fo<vere 9 , 
 Regnorum immemores> tur pique c up i dine captos. 
 
 4 Ha'c pafjim dea fee da <virum dijfundit in or a, 
 
 5 Protinus ad regem curfus detorquet Iarbam; 
 
 6 Fama, malum quo non aliud welocius ullum. 
 Hie Ammone fatus ■ ■ 
 
 Centum aras pofuit ., ■ .. 
 " ■1 ■ Pecudumque cruore 
 Pingue folum, &> <variis forentia limina fertis. 
 
 And 
 
84 Virgil Travejiie. Book IV. 
 
 And tells him all. Now this larbas, 
 For Dido* a Love, was in a hard Cafe, 
 And had been long. Oft did he woe her, 
 And did the beft he could do to her : 
 But iliil in vain he broke his Mind, 
 'Twas throwing Stones againft the Wind j 
 For though (he wife and healthy knew hiu 
 Dido had nothing to fay to him. 
 'Tis true 5 the Field he had great Flocks on 
 Sheep, Qoats and Cows, Horfes and Oxen \ 
 With Money Store and other Riches : 
 But one foul Flaw he had in's Breeches 
 SpoiPd all ; for fhe had heard the Thing, 
 One Time as fhe was Gcffipping., 
 As in fuch Matters while you live, 
 Women will be inquifitive : 
 Which was, that he (as Story telk) 
 A Rupture had in's Tefticle*. 
 Which was enough to make her hate him, 
 Nay, ev'n as 'twere abominate him. 
 When Fame had told him of the Trojan, 
 1 larbas took it in fuch Dudgeon, 
 Such high Abufe, and evil Part, 
 He almoft could have found in's Heart 
 T'ave ta'en his Knife, and -in that Pafiion 
 Whip'd off his Tools of Generation, 
 And thought t'ave don't ; but did not yet, 
 Like one that had in's Anger Wit ; 
 But fince to curfe it was no boot, 
 Would try if Praying would not do't. 
 
 1 Ifqut amens avimi> £sf rumore accenfus amaro> 
 
 1 And 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. #5 
 
 1 And therefore thus, in heavy Ghear, 
 
 Made his Cafe known to Jupiter. 
 
 % O Jupiter moil great and able, 
 
 Whofe Health I ev'ry Day at Table 
 
 Drink once or twice ! Doit thou (O where : 5 
 
 Thy Sight !) not fee, what Doings here is ; 
 
 i Shall we when thou thunder'ft, doft think, , 
 
 So as to fewer all our Drink ; 
 
 And when the Clouds in florins do bur ft, 
 
 Not care, but bid thee do thy worft ? 
 
 4 A wand'ring Woman that had fcarce 
 A Rag to hang upon her 
 
 When fhe came hither firft, and wou'd 
 
 Have then been glad to for Food* 
 
 Is now, forfooth, fo proud (what elfe ! 
 And Hands fo on her Pantables, 
 
 5 That fhe has faid me Nay moil flighty, 
 And (on die very nonce to fpite me) 
 
 Has marry'd a fpruce Youth, they fay, 
 (Whom fome ill Wind blew that away) 
 One Squire JEneas, a great Keif, 
 Some wand'ring Hangman like herfelf : 
 
 1 Die i fur arte aras «- 
 
 Malta Jovem manihus fuppkx o^ajfe fupinis ; 
 1 Jupiter omnipotent, cut nunc Maurufea ptclis 
 Gens epulata tort's, Len&um libat honor em^ 
 Adfpicis h&c ? an te, genitor, cum fulmina torques > 
 Nequicquam borremus P 
 
 * Cczcique in nubihus ignes 
 
 Terrijicant animos, & inania murmur a mifcent : 
 
 4 F&mina, qua noftris errans in finibus — 
 
 ■ 5 Connubia nofira 
 
 Reppulit, ac dominum iEnean in regna receplt. 
 
 1 And 
 
86 Virgil Travefiic. Book 
 
 1 And now this Swabber, by the Maskins, 
 Thunders up Dido's Gally-Gaskins, 
 Whilft I {for (till thou deafifh art to't) 
 May pray, and pray, and pray my Heart out. 
 
 2 Thus woefully larbas pray'd, 
 Whilft Jove heard ev'ry Word he faid * 
 And turning itrait his Eyes to Tyre, 
 To look for Dido and her Squire, 
 All in a Chamber finely matted, 
 He very fairly fpy r d them at it. 
 At which, as 'twere, fomewhat in Fury,., 
 He calls his nimble Youth Mercury, 
 
 3 And thus be f pake him ; Sirrah, hear ye,, 
 Put on the Wings that ufe to bear ye, 
 And cut away to Carthage quickly, 
 
 Where th' Trojan does with the great lie*. 
 
 4 Tell him from me that his fmug Mother 
 Sid pafs her Word that he another 
 Manner of Life and Converfation 
 Should lead, and leave this Occupation. 
 
 1 Et nunc tile Paris — — i — — 
 
 • — — — - Rap to potitur ; nos munera templis 
 Qtfippe tuis ferimus, famamque fovemus inanem* 
 
 2 Talibus err ant em diclis, arafque tenement 
 Audiit omnipotent, oculofque ad mcenia tor Jit 
 Reoja, C5 oblitos fam& meliorisamantes* 
 
 3 Tunc fic Mercurium alloquitur, ac tali a mandat 
 Vade y age,, nate, woca Zephyros, & labere pennis 
 Dardaniumque facem, Tyria Carthagine qui nunc 
 ExpeSlat ' — 
 
 Alloquere, &> celeres defer mea dicla per auras. 
 
 4 Non ilium nobis genetrix pulcherrima talem, 
 Promijit ■ . 
 
Book IV. Virgil Travejlie. 87 
 
 1 Or twice the Grecian Cavaliers, 
 
 Had beaten's Brain's about his Ears, 
 
 Ere this : And tell him more, a that he, 
 
 Who means to conquer Italy, 
 
 Mud with his Work go thorough Stitches, 
 
 And not run hunting after Bitches ; 
 
 3 But if he will not venture's Pate, 
 A Rap or two for an Eftate, 
 
 As by his Pranks it doth appear, . 
 
 4 Methinks tho' he might do't for's Heir * 
 s Ask what the Devil 'tis he means, 
 
 To fpend his Time thus among Queans ; 
 
 Not minding Mifchiefs, or Miihaps, 
 
 Nor fearing Dido's After claps. 
 
 6 Bid him be trudging, he were bed ; 
 
 If I come to him, I proteft, 
 
 1*11 fend him packing elfe, fuch New-ways, 
 
 He mail remember me thefe two Days. 
 
 7 This faid, Jove need not bid him twice, 
 Away he trips it in a Trice, 
 
 — - — 1 Graiumque ideo lis t vi?:dicat artnis. 
 
 2 Sid fore, qui gravidam imperii s s lelloque frementem 
 •Itaiiam regeret, genus alto a /anguine Teucri 
 Proderet, & totum fub leges mitteret orb em. 
 
 3 Si nulla accendii ta:itaru?n gloria reru?n y 
 Nee fuper ipfe fua molltur laude labor em. 
 
 4 Afcariione pater Romanas invidet arces ? 
 
 Nec pro/em Aufoniam, Cif Lavinia refpicit arva ? 
 
 5 Quid firuit ; aut qua fpe inimica in gente moratur ?■ 
 
 6 Naviget : heec fumma eft, hie noftri nuncius efto* 
 
 7 Dixerat. Ille patris magni par ere parabat 
 hnperio ■ * 
 
 1 To 
 
88 Virgil Travefiie. Book lm 
 
 1 To make them ready to be gone : 
 And firft his Pumps he faften'd on ; 
 Which being neatly pink'd and cut, 
 And finely fitted on his Foot : 
 
 Had Wings ty'd on with Thongs of Leather, 
 Or tacking Ends, I know not whether, 
 Which he could fly withal as well> 
 As he'd been brought up to*t from the Shell. 
 
 2 Then in his Hand he takes a thick Bat, 
 With which h? us'd to play at Kit-Cat, 
 To beat Mens Apples from their Trees, 
 With twenty other Rogueries 
 
 Befides (as Rakehells will abufe Days) 
 To throw at Cocks upcn Shrove-Tiie/days. 
 
 3 Thus dight, he like a Partridge fprings,, 
 Cutting the Air with nimble Wings : 
 *Twas well his Care had ty'd 'em fait, 
 Elfe ten to one he'd flown his laft : 
 No Swallow could have overgone him,. 
 He flew as if a Hawk had flown him, 
 Until he faw a very high Hill, * 
 A higher Hill by far than my Hill ; 
 * Atlas 'twas call'd.fo high a on« 
 That Pen- men mauve 's a Cherry -ft one 
 
 1 Et pripium pedibus talaria necllt 
 
 jlurea : qu& fublimem alis> Ji<ve <equora fupra^ 
 Seu terram-) rapido pariter cum flamine portant* 
 a Turn *virgam capit ; hac animas Me evocat Oreo 
 Pallentes, alias fub trijiia Tartara mittit, 
 Dat femnos, adimitque, &* lumina tnorte refignat* 
 
 3 Ilia fret us agit <ventos, fif turbida tranat 
 Nubila ' 
 
 4 Jamque wo lan s apicem, ?3* latera ardua cernit 
 Atlantis duri < 
 
 Compar'd 
 
B jok IV. Virgil T* ravcjlie. 89 
 
 Compared : You could not thruft a Knife 
 I'Twixt Heaven and it, to fave your Life ; 
 * It props the Sky, as Virgil marks, 
 Or elfe 'tis thought we mould have Larks : 
 1 Here firft: did Mercury alight, 
 To bait and red him after's Flight ; 
 Where having prun'd his Heels a little, 
 And fmooth'd hk Plumes with * fafting Spittle. 
 1 From thence he took another Freak, * 'TV/ con- 
 ks if he meant to break his Neck. ceiled he did 
 4 Even as a Hawk herfelf doth carry that before he 
 From Kill-ducks Place to flop her Quarry : baited. 
 »Sa Mercury, to mortal View, 
 Himfelf from Atlas headlong threw. 
 Stones cr:ft by fam'd Parifian Slinger, 
 Compar'd to him, would feem to linger 5 
 And Arrows loos'd from Grub-jireet Bow 
 In Fins bury, to him are flow : 
 Nay Lightning darted from above, 
 With flaming Tail from angry Jo-ve, 
 Would in Comparifcn appear, 
 To creep like lazy Loyterer. 
 
 5 The firft Place after this Vagary 
 Ke lighted on, was Dido's Dairy : 
 
 * " 1 ■ ■ - 1 Caelum qui vert ice fulcit. 
 
 1 Hie frimum paribus nit ens C} llenius alts 
 Con fit tit ; 3 Hive to to pr<eceps fe cor pore ad undas 
 Mifit ; + Avi Jimilis, qua? circum litora, circum 
 Pifcofos fcopulos, humilis *volat tequora juxta : 
 Haud aliter terras inter coelumque <vo!abat % 
 Litus arena fum Libya?, <ventofque fecabat. 
 
 * Ut primum alatts tetigit Magalia plant is ; 
 iEneam fundantem arces, ac tefta novantem 
 Cwfpicit — • — — 
 
 Whence 
 
go Virgil Travejlie. Book IV 
 
 Whence he JEneds foon did fpie, 
 Ord'ring her Highnefs' Hufbandry : 
 He took upon him as her Spoufe, 
 And vapour'd like the Man o'th' Houfe ; 
 For all that Time, as't came to pafs, 
 In Quarrel high engag'd he was, 
 And ready in his Fumigation, 
 (As Hillories do make Relation) 
 To fall to Logger-iiead^, as't appears, 
 With a few fancy Carpenters, 
 W 7 ho building were an Houfe of Eafe, 
 For Dido in Necefiities : 
 They would not follow his Advice, 
 (As Workmen ftill are otherwise) 
 Which made him foam, and flirt out Spittle, 
 Becaufe they made the Holes too little. 
 1 Down hanging by his Side he had 
 A dangerous bright- brown flaming Blade, 
 •T had been new furbim'd up at Tyre, 
 A better never pall the Fire. 
 a Upon his Back he had a Jerkin 
 Lin'd through and through with fable Merkin, 
 Giv'n as a Prefent by the Queen : 
 It had indeed her Jrlusband's been ; 
 But neither by the Nap, nor Tearing, 
 Was it a Pin the worfe for Wearing. 
 This (as of either Queen or King, 
 Vile People will be cenfuring) 
 
 — 1 llli ft ell at us jafpide ful<va 
 
 Enjis erat 
 
 2 Tyridque ardehat ffiurice L<zna 
 Demtjfa ex humeris ; Dives qua munera Dido 
 Fecerat, & tenui telas difcreverat auro. 
 
 Was 
 
ijook IV. Virgil Trove/tie* 91 
 
 Was given Mneas for a Ch:irm, 
 
 And though the Queen might think no Harm, 
 
 7et fome have given a parlous Hint 
 
 )f a flran.se hidden Virtue in't. 
 
 o 
 
 LquipM thus fine, Mercury found him, 
 And roundly in his Ears thus round him: 
 Thou here thyfelf moll bufy makes 
 
 : n building for the Queen a Jakes, 
 
 Jut never think'ft, fuch is thy Wifenefs, 
 
 wVhat will become of thine own Bufinefs ; 
 
 The Thunder-thumper, who, by Threaves, 
 
 ivlakes Men to quake like Afpen leaves ; 
 
 I He, whom the reft o'th' Gods do honour, 
 
 ias fent me from Olympus'' Manor, 
 
 [0 ask thee what thou doft intend, 
 
 fhy Time thus wickedly to fpend ; 
 
 And loyter here like a Hum-drum, 
 
 |sfot caring what thou doft, nor whom, 
 
 ! He fays, though fearful as a Stranger, 
 
 jrhy Coxcomb thouFt not bring in Danger, 
 
 To mend thy 'State, nor get thy Living 
 
 By any honeft Way of thriving : 
 
 Continuo vvvadit : Tu nunc Carthaginis altcs 
 ^undamenta locas, pulchramque uxorius urbem 
 Extruis, [heu) regni, rerumque oblite tuarum. 
 Ipfe Deum tibi ??ie claro demittit Olympo 
 Regnator, ccelum £ff terras qui nu?nine torque t. 
 
 Ipfe bf-ec ferre jubet celeres mandata per auras .* 
 1 ^uid ftruis ? aut qua fpe Libycis teris otia terris ? 
 ! ; Si te nulla mo<vet t ant arum gloria rerum > 
 \Nec fuper ipfe tua— 
 
 1 He 
 
92 Virgil Traveftie. Book 
 
 1 He thinks, though, thou mighfit take feme care 
 Of him that is thy Son and Heir, 
 And not thralh here like Bore unworthy, 
 When he has made Provifion for thee. 
 
 z Mercury vanifh'd, haying fpoke as 
 Y'have heard ; like any Hocus pocus. 
 And homeward did forthwith afpire, 
 Nor ever ftay'd to drink at Tyre. 
 
 * But Don JEtieas at the Vifion 
 Was in a very fad Condition ; 
 He could not fpeak to Foe or Friend, 
 And eke his Hair did Hand an end 
 So iiiff, it thruft his Hat fo far 
 Above his Head into the Air, 
 That a great Turkey might have flown 
 Betwixt his Bonnet and his Crown. 
 Half frighted out on's little Wit, 
 4 He now had Eggs (i'faith) qW Spit, 
 Till he was gone : 5 But how (alas !) 
 To break the Matter to her Grace, 
 He knew no more, the bafhful Groom, 
 T han did the fur theft Man of Rome, 
 
 1 Afcanium fur gent em, iff fpes h&redis Iiili, 
 
 Refpice tui regnum halice^ Romandque tellus 
 
 Debentur ■ ■ ■ 
 
 ■ ■ 2 Tali Cyllenius ore locutus, 
 
 Mor tales vifus medio fermone re li quit, 
 
 Et procul in tenuem ex oculis evanuif auram. 
 
 3 At <vero ^Eneas afpefiu obmutuit aniens, 
 Arreftaque borrore coma:, &> <vox faucibus htffit, 
 
 4 Ardtt abire f'ga 
 
 5 Heu ! quid agat ? 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 93 
 
 1 Nor could he frame him to begin, 
 T 1 appeafe that loving Soul the Queen, 
 For nought more vexes Womens Bloods, 
 Than to be left fo in the Suds. 
 
 In this Quandary fcratching's Pate, 
 
 After a penfive long Debate, 
 
 He calls, at laft, his Fellow Rake-hells, 
 
 2 And bids 'em get their Tools and Tackles, 
 Aboard their Wherries, and be heedful 
 
 To lay in all Things that were needful, 
 
 Efpecially good Meat : * but flow it 
 
 So fecretly, that none might know it ; 
 
 That on Occafion in a Trice, Sir, 
 
 They might be gone, and none the wifer ; 
 
 And fince he humbly did conceive, 
 
 To ileal away and take no Leave, 
 
 Would be uncivil, and enough 
 
 To tear a Heart though made of BulF : 
 
 He was refolv'd to take the Queen, 
 
 4 When fet upon fome merry Pin, 
 
 And tell her plain with Vows moil fervent, 
 
 He was her Grace's humble Servant. 
 
 — 1 £>uo nunc Reginam ambire furentem 
 
 Audeat off at u ? qu<-e prima exordia jumat ? 
 
 Atque animam nunc hue celerem^ nunc dividit illuc> 
 
 In parte f que rap it <v arias ■ 
 : * ClaJJem apt e fit taciti, focios ad lit tor a cogant 9 
 , Arma parent > 
 
 I « 3 Et qua; Jit rebus caufa novandis, 
 
 , Dijjimulent ; fefe interea, quando optima Dido 
 ' Ne/ciat, — — 
 
 4 Et qu& mollijffima fandi 
 
 Tempora ; quis rebus dexter modus ■ ■ • i * 
 
 E 5 But 
 
94 Virgu Traveftie. Book 
 
 5 But Dido, Carthage Queen (for who 
 Can think to cheat a Woman fo ? 
 Was foon, I warrant you, aware 
 
 O'th' flippery Trick he meant to play her, 
 Tis true, me ever had been jealous 
 Of all fuch vagrant Kind of Fellows, 
 And kept her Things fafe under Lock, 
 E'er fince the Healing of her Smeck.; 
 But now to add unto her Fear, 
 She had it buza'd into her Ear, 
 
 6 By that mifchievous prating Whor£, 
 Fame, that I told you of before ; 
 
 7 Not, as they fay, out of good Will, 
 But to be brewing Mifchief ilill ; 
 That he, for all Ids fair Pretences, 
 
 s Had greasM his Boots, and wafh'd his Benches j 
 
 And now was ready fet on Wheels, 
 
 To lhew a nimble Pair of Heels. 
 
 9 This fudden News, I do allure ye, 
 
 Put Dido in a defp'rate Fury, 
 
 And made her frisk about and gad, 
 
 That all her People thought her mad ; 
 
 Whilft flie from Houfe to Houfe did fly, % 
 
 As flic had run with Flue and Cry. 
 
 * At regifia dolos {quis fallere pojjtt amante?n P) 
 
 6 Prafenfit^ mot uf que excepit prima futuros 9 
 
 Omnia tuta timens — — 
 
 - 7 Eadem impia fama furenti 
 
 Detulit 
 
 8 Armari clajfem, cur/umque pararL 
 
 9 Savit hops animi, totamqiie in c en fa per urlem 
 Baccbatur i ■ mm 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 
 
 1 Ev'n as a Filly never ridden, 
 When by the Jocky firft beftridden, 
 [f naughty Boy do thrall a Nettle 
 Under her Dock to try her Mettle, 
 Does rife and plunge, curvet and kick, 
 enough to break her Rider's Neck j 
 ^v'n fo Queen Dido at that Tide, 
 Laying all Majefty afide, 
 'lay'd fuch mad Freaks, that well were they 
 Dould fartheft get out of her Way. 
 fhus flinging round from Place to Place, 
 \t laft, to make it fhort, her Grace 
 7 inds me, amongft a Crew of Mad- caps, 
 Eneas, at one Mother Red- Cap's. 
 
 Well overta'n (quoth (he) half weeping, 
 
 JEneasy thou'rt a precious Pepin, 
 ^0 think to (leal fo flily from me, 
 Vhen thou haft had thy foul Will o'me. 
 
 Could not my Love (thou Knave) have itaid tlv.e, 
 Tor vet the Promife thou haft made me : 
 <Jor that thou know'ft if thou wert gone, 
 Ay Work would all be left undone ? 
 tut that thou'lt flink away, thou Varlet, 
 knd leave me like forfaken Harlot ? 
 
 , ■ ■ 1 Qualis commotis excita facris 
 
 'hyas, ubi audi to jlimulant briefer tea Bacchd 
 y rgia, nofiurnufque <vocat clamor e Cytharon. 
 'Tandem his ^Eneam compellat vocibus ultra : 
 Dijjimulare etiam fperafti, perfide, tantum 
 offe 7iefa$i tacitufque men decedere terra? 
 T ec te nojler amor, nec te data dextera quondam 
 ■ - Tenet ? 
 
 ' ■ , E 2 * In 
 
9$ Virgil T raveftie. Book I V 4 
 
 4 In Winter too, o'er bluftVing Seas, 
 When it 'twixt two a Bed doth freeze ? 
 
 5 What though thou hadft, as thou haft none* 
 A Houfe to go to, of thine own, 
 Could'ft find yet in thy Heart to 'reave n\e 
 Of thy dear Company, and leave me ? 
 
 6 By this fait Rheam thou feeli that wets 
 My Cheeks, and by thy Hand that fweats, 
 That bawdy Fift, that has been laid ; 
 So oft where now fhall not be faid ; 
 I'm brief, by the whole Matter's Carriage, 
 And by the Earneft of our Marriage : 
 And by thofe fweet JDelights we ftole, 
 When the Rain drove me into th' Hole, 
 J If that Bout pleas -d thee ; or fxnce any 
 Which [Jove forgive us) have been many, 
 
 1 do befeech thee, Trojan fine, 
 Not to undo both me, and mine. 
 
 2 For thy fweet fake the knavifh Lybians, 
 The Tyrians, and the vile Numidians, 
 
 4 ^uin etiam hyberno moliris fydere dajfem 9 
 Et mediis proper as Aquilonibus ire per a hum. 
 Crude/is f S £>uid, fi non ar<va aliena, domofque 
 
 Ignotas peteres ? ■■ 
 
 Mene fagis ? 6 Per ego has I aery mas, dextramque tuam, 
 Per Conrmbia noftra, per inceptos Hymen&os. 
 7 Si bene qtild de te merui, fait aut tibi quicquam 
 Duke meum ; miferere domus labentis ; ■« 
 
 Oro, Ji quis adhuc precibus locus, , , . 
 
 * Te propter Libycae gentes, Nomadumque Tyranni 
 Odere, infenfi Tyrii ; te propter eundem 
 Extinclus pudor, 
 
look IV. Vii c il Jravejlie, 97 
 
 n midlt of which is my Abode,- 
 iate me, as one would hate a Toad, 
 or thee I firft forewent all Shame, 
 
 And that I liv'd by my good Name ; 
 And wilt thou, having fpent thy Ardor, 
 And eat me out of Houfe and Harbor, 
 
 So bafely to my Foes betray me, 
 And neither ftay with me, nor pay me I 
 
 No fooner fhali thy Back be turn'd^ 
 iut all my Buildings {hall be burn'dy 
 "hat Rogue Pygmalion will ha' me, 
 >r elfe larbas here will ta' me, 
 f (as we oft have ventur'd it, 
 I had but a big Belly yet) 
 k little Trojan coming on, 
 jo play withal when thou art gone, 
 'hen let the Rogues do what they durft do* 
 mould have fomething yet to trull to. 
 Eneas, ta'en thus bafely tardy, 
 | Turn'd pale, and like a ftick'd Pig ftar'd ye * 
 [e could not Hand upright, but lean, 
 pe might have fell'd him with a Bean ; 
 
 9 Et, qua fold Jidera adibam, 
 
 2ma prior ; 
 
 — ■ ■ . * Cut me moribundam defer is, hofpes t 
 Quid moror ? an ?nea Pygmalion dum mcenia f rater 
 efiruat ? aut captam ducat Getulus larbas ? 
 litem, Jiqua mihi de te fufcepta fuiffet 
 nte fagam fobcles, fiquii mihi par<vulus aula 
 
 uderet ./Eneas, 
 
 on equidem omnino capta, aut deferta wider er. 
 
 X Itt e J wis monitis immota tenebat 
 
 tmina, & obnixus cur am fub cor de pr erne bat. 
 
 E 3 Nay, 
 
9# Virgil TraveJHe. Book IV, 
 
 Nay, he wa^ ftruck fo at her Speeches, 
 Some fay he did defile his Breeches, 
 His Bowels did fo yearn upon her ; 
 But being that may wound his Honour, 
 I'll not affirm it, but proceed, 
 To tell you wlut he faid and did ; 
 Much was he mov'd at Dido's Words, 
 Which ftab'd him through and through like Swords : 
 Much griev'd to fee her weep and fob fo, 
 To throw about her Snot and throb fo: 
 But Merfry's MeiTage more prevailing 
 Than her Colloguing or her Railing, 
 After a many fine Good--morrcws, 
 * He thus began to falve her Sorrows : 
 Should I (quoth he) O Queen deny, 
 That thou'rt the Flow'r of Courtefy ; 
 Or any Slanders vile contrive, 
 I were the bafelt Knave alive. 
 I muft confefs, that thou, O Queen, 
 To me and to us all haft been 
 More like a Mother 'than a Friend, 
 So much I'll fay, and there's an End ; 
 % And if I ever do forget ye, 
 Or fail to drink a Health to Petfy, 
 Let me be hang'd as high, or higher 
 Than Top of Carthage Steepk-Spire : 
 
 1 Tandem faucet refert : Ego te y qu<e plurima fc-ndo 
 Enumerare <va/es 9 nunquam, Regina, negabo 
 
 Promeritam : — ; > 
 
 , *< Nec me mcminijfe pigebit Elifae, 
 
 Dum memor tpfe mei^ dum fpiritus hos reget artus. 
 
 t * } Few 
 
Book IV. Virgil fraveftie. 99 
 
 L Few Words are belt ; if you'll be civil, 
 Til tell the Truth and ftiame the Devil. 
 * I ne'er had Thought, much iefs Defire 
 Safely to build a Sconce at Tyre ; 
 And ileal away from thee, my H#ny. 
 f But for the Thing call'd Matrimony, 
 .Although I did the Thing you wot, 
 Wwe be my Judge, I meant it not, 
 llndced I took it for a Kindnefs, 
 To be familiar with your Highn-efs : 
 But if I ever thought of othav, 
 Fhan one good Turn requires another ; 
 Dr on fuch Terms e'er gave my Fift, 
 f!l'm th' arrant' it Rogue that ever pill. 
 ' I* mult confefs, that if it lay 
 h my own Power, as one may fay, 
 That I had forne good Bargain made, 
 And bound my Son here to a Trade, 
 5 lac'd all my Followers, and therefore 
 rlad no one but myfelf to care for : 
 IS would as willing match with you, 
 i As any Woman that I know : 
 
 But as Things ftand, I needs mult follow 
 The Counfel of my Friend Apollo, 
 
 Pro re pauca loquar ■ 
 
 — + Nec ego banc ahfeondere furto 
 
 ■peravi [ne fnge) fugam ■ ■ 
 
 3 nec conjugis unquam 
 
 ?r<etendi t&das, aut h&c in fcedera *veni. 
 
 Me Ji fata meis paterentur ducere uitam 
 tufpiciis, & fponte mea componere cur as : 
 
 Sed nunc Italiam magnam Grynaeus Apollo, 
 taliam Lyciae juffere capeffere fortes : 
 lie amor, h<ec pair i a eji 
 
 B 4 Who* 
 
ioo V i r g i h Traveftie. Book IV. 
 
 Who fends me Word I mud convey me 
 To Lycia with all fpeed that may be, 
 Where, by a dainty River's Side, 
 A Farm lies ready cut and dry'd, 
 Will hold both me, and all my Meany, 
 And cheap as forty Eggs a Penny, 
 There then in downright Truth do I 
 Intend to live and occupy. 
 * And if 10 be that you, who are fage, 
 Delight fo in your Town of Carthage ; 
 Why mould it be in us fo great Sin, 
 Who have no Houfe to thruft our Pates in, 
 To travel to a Foreign Nation, 
 For fome convenient Habitation ? 
 9 I can no fooner go o' Nights 
 To Bed (Jove blefs us all from Sprights) 
 But that, ere I can frame to fnore, 
 My Father's Ghoft comes through the Door, 
 Tnough Ihut as lure as Hands can make it, 
 And leads me fuch a fearful Racket ; 
 I ftew all Night in my own Greafe, 
 So that your Maids may, if they pleafe, 
 W r ring from the Shire wherein I wallow, 
 Each Morning- tide, as much good Tallow, 
 As well would liquor all their Sandals, 
 And make befide fix Pound of Candles. 
 
 ~~ ■ ■ 8 Ji te Carthaginis arces 
 Phcenijfam, Libycaque afpeftus detinet urbis ; 
 Quse tandem , Aufonid Teucros confidere terra, 
 Invidia eft ? iff nos fas extera queerer e Regna. 
 9 Me Patris Anchifce> quoties hu?nentibus umbris 
 Nox operit terras, quoties afira ignea furgunt % 
 Jdmonet in fomnis; iff turbida terret Imago ; 
 Me puer Afcanius, ■ ■■ v ■ « And 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 101 
 
 And all this is to have me gone, 
 
 And not (lay here t' undo my Son : 
 
 1 Befides not pail an Hour ago, 
 
 Jove Tent his Lacquey to me too ; 
 
 I favv him fly, Til 2 take my Oath, 
 
 (And Man has but his Faith and Troth) 
 
 As plainly o'er your Dairy-Top, 
 
 As e'er I faw him on the Rope; 
 
 And heard him fpeak as plain but e'en now, 
 
 As I hear you, or you hear me now : 
 
 5 Then let me be fo much beholding 
 
 Unto your Grace to leave your Scolding ; 
 
 For I this Voyage undertake, 
 
 Even like a Bear that's drawn to th' Stake. 
 
 4 This {"aid, the Queen in wrathful wife, 
 Rowling about her goggle Eyes, 
 As (he would throw ! um in his Face, 
 Unto her Fury thus gave place. 
 
 Stinkard (quoth flie) now thy falfe Heart 
 Shews what a cheating Knave thou art, 
 The Symptoms of a Rogue thou haft all, 
 Thou a true Trojan , thou a Rafcal ! 
 
 ' Nunc etiam inter pre s divfm, Jove mijjus ab ipfo, 
 
 • ' 'Ce/eres mandata per auras 
 
 Detulit :, ■ . . 
 
 2 7efior utrumque caput 
 
 — — — Ipfe deum manifefto in lumine <vidi 
 
 Intrantem muros y vocemque his auribus hanji* 
 
 5 Define meque tuis incendere teque querelis ; 
 
 Italiam non fponte fequor. > 
 
 4 Talia dicentem jamdudum aver/a tuetur y 
 Hue i Hue njolvens vcuios, totumque per err at 
 Lumimlus tacit 'is, £ff jSc accenfa profatur : 
 
 E 5 I I 
 
Wi Virgil Traveftie. Book iV. 
 
 5 No Man or Woman of good Fafhion, 
 F/er coupled for thy Procreation ; 
 
 But whelp'd thou wert of Tinker's Bitch, 
 U ider fome Hedge, or in fome Ditch : 
 Nay, I'll not balk you, Sir ; nor care, 
 For all you look fo big and flare : 
 Let thy foul Hide with Malice burft, 
 I do defy thee, do thy worft. 
 
 6 Inflead of iighing in this Cafe, 
 Full fower thou belcher! in my Face ; 
 And thou fo ftubborn art and canker'd, 
 
 Thou fhed'ir. no Tears, but Tears o'th'Tankard. 
 
 Hadft thou but counterfeited Paffion, 
 
 To fignify Commiferation, 
 
 Or ofF.r'd but a fower Face, it 
 
 Had been a Sign of fome fmall Grace yet : 
 
 But like a Logger headed Lubber, 
 
 Thou grinning jftand'rl, and feelt me blubber i 
 
 7 And Jo<ve nor Juno, for aught I fee, 
 Will neiiher of 'em both chartife thee. 
 
 3 There's no Truth in this Age we live in : 
 A wand'ring Beggar hither driven ; 
 Who had, when weak as he could crawl, 
 No Crofs to blefs himfelf withal ; 
 
 5 A T c till diva parens, generis nee Dardanus auclor, 
 Per fide : fed duris genult te cautibus horreni 
 Caucafus, Hircanseque admorunt uhera Tigres, 
 Nam quid dijfimulo ? — — — • 
 
 6 jNum fietu ingemuii noftro ? num lumina jlexit ? 
 
 Num lachrymas viSius dedit ? aut miferatus amantem efi ? 
 
 ' ■ — 7 Jam] am nec maxima Juno, 
 
 Nec Saturnms Zvrr oculis faier afpicit sequis. 
 /^Nufqiiam tuta fides* Ejefium litore, egentem 
 J \ccepiy * t I have , 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie, 103 
 
 I have receiv'd to Bed and Board, 
 ' Feafted and clad him like a Lord, 
 I 9 And (like a fimple hair-brain'd Jade) 
 
 This Youth hail Fellow with me made : 
 
 And now, forfooth, he cannot Hay, 
 
 Apollo bids him run away ; 
 
 * Nay, though I have, in friendly wife, 
 Cur'd his Mens Scabs, and kill'd their Lice ; 
 f Yet having now fallen to his Lot, 
 
 A good rich Farm lies piping hot* 
 Should he flay here, it would undo him, 
 And Jove has fent his Footman to him : 
 As if the Deities were fo 
 Concerned, they'd nothing elfe to do, 
 But lend their Lacqueys and their Pages, 
 To him on How-d'ye's and Meffages. 
 
 But I'll wafte on thee no more Breath, 
 For whom the Wind, that fumes beneath, 
 Is far too fweet : Avaunt thou Slave ! 
 Thou lying Coney- catching Knave, 
 Be moving, do as thou haft told me ! 
 % No Body here intends to hold thee ! 
 I) Go ! feek thy Farm, I hope 'twill be 
 jt'th' very Bottom of the Sea : 
 
 » 9 Et regni demens in parte locavi : 
 
 Nunc augur Apollo. 
 
 * Amijfam clajfem, focios a morte re dux i. 
 
 •J- Nunc . Lycise fortes, nunc &> jove mi£us ah ipfo 
 Interprets Di<vum fert lorn' da juffa per auras ; 
 Scilicet is fuperis labor ej} ; ea' cura quteios 
 Sollicitat — - ■ 
 
 J /, fequere Italia m ventis, > ■ ■ ■ 
 
 - - Neque te teneo - 
 
 ■ 1| Pete regna per undas : 
 
 Spero equidem mediis, „■■ • 
 
 Bupplicia haufurum fcopulis — ■ ■ ■ E 6 „ But 
 
104 Virgil Travejiie. Book IV. 
 
 But fhould'il thou 'fcape, and not in Dike lie, 
 Drown'd like a Puppy, as 'tis likely, 
 Since in the Proverb old 'tis found, 
 Who's born to hang, will ne'er be drowid : 
 Yet flhould'ft thou not be much the nigher. 
 1 I'll haunt thee like a going Fire, 
 As foon as I can turn t' a Ghoft, 
 Which will be in a Week at mod : 
 Then in the midnight Sleep I'll wake thee, 
 And ride thee worfe than any Hackney. 
 I'll terrify thee Day and Night ; 
 
 Nay, if thou do'ft but go to • 
 
 There will I Hand with flaming Taper, 
 
 To fizel thy Tail inftead of Paper. 
 
 * I'll make thee rue the Time that e'er 
 
 Thou cam'fl to play thy Knave's Tricks here. 
 
 3 In Middle of this wrathful Speech 
 
 Dewn drops Queen Dido on her Breech : 
 
 Her Mouch was ftop'd, and on the Ground 
 
 She filen t lay in doleful Swound : 
 
 Shut were her Eyes ; nor had fhe Hearing 
 
 For what JEneas was 4 preparing. 
 
 Upon this pitiful Occafion, 
 
 To fay in's own Juftification. 
 
 m 1 Sequar atris ignibus ah fens .* 
 
 Et y cumfrigida mors animd feduxerit artus, 
 
 Omnibus umbra loeis adera, -» 
 
 z Dabis, improbe^ pcenas, 
 
 3 His medium diclis fermonem abrumpit, £ff auras 
 JEgra fugit. — 
 
 4 Livquens multa metu cunflanttm, & multa parantem 
 Vic ere. > ■ < ■ ■ ,m 
 
 In 
 
Book IV. Virgil Trave/iie^ 105 
 
 In haile the Syrians all advance 
 To 'wake her Grace out of a Trance ; 
 They try'd to raife her in fuch fort, 
 As when Men cry, Le Corps eft mort : 
 But here the Charm would not prevail, 
 They could not raife her from her Tail : 
 For though full light when her own Woman, 
 Yet in this heavy Dump was no Man 
 Could raife her up, though ne'er fo mighty, 
 Sorrow had made her Bum fo weighty. 
 
 5 At lad a Crew of (trapping Jades, 
 That were or mould have been her Maids, 
 Gath'ring her up, away convey'd her, 
 And having in her own Bed laid her, 
 With Rugs they bolfter'd her about, 
 llTo try if me could fweat it out. 
 
 6 Mneas, though 'twas his Defire 
 Something t' have faid might pacify her, 
 And though his Heart did bleed within him* 
 To think of what had pad between 'urn, 
 
 7 Yet, becaufe Jove fo loud did threaten, 
 He fooner durft his Nails have eaten., 
 Having fo terribly been chidden, 
 
 Than not t' have done as he was bidden : 
 Therefore in hafte his Hoilefs beck'ning, 
 To come and bring 'urn in a Reck'ning, 
 
 '•— 5 Sufcipiunt famulee, collapfaque membra 
 Marmoreo referunt thalamo, ftratifque reponunt* 
 
 6 At pins iEneas, quanqudm lenire do lent em 
 Solando cupit, diclts advert ere cur as ; 
 
 Multa gemens, magnoque animttm labefaclus amvre : 
 
 7 J u Jf a tamen divum exequitur, ■ 
 
 Straic 
 
io6 V'irgu Travefiie. Book IV. 
 
 Strait to the Wharf repairs the Hot-mot, 
 
 8 Without once calling for his Shot-pot. 
 The "Trojans now, by this Com million, 
 
 Launch all their Boats with Expedition ; 
 You now upon the Ocean might fee, 
 
 9 The new greas'd Wherries fwim moll tightly. 
 They had new made 'em fine long Poles, 
 New pitched their Oars, and made new Thoules ; 
 Though marty Things were left undone, 
 * They were fo eager to be gone., 
 •f* Then might you fee 'em make their Sallies 
 From Carthage-Town through Lanes and Alleys, 
 Stealing away with lewd Intentions, 
 To cheat the Tyrians of their Penfions, 
 Fearing their Landladies would brabble, 
 And dun 'em for their Quarter's Table. 
 J As Hedge-hogs when they go to th' Wood, 
 To fetch a Hoard of Winter-food, 
 Return well laden with their Vi&'Ies, 
 Fine yellow Crabs ftuck round their Prickles : 
 Ev'n fo the Trojans, without doubt, 
 Were at this Seafon hung about 
 
 tm mm 8 Clajfemque re<vijit. 
 
 Turn wero Teucri incumbunt, iff litore celfas 
 
 Deducunt toto naves : 
 
 — — 9 Natat unSla carina : 
 Fronde nt efqne ferunt remos, & robora fyl<vis 
 Infabricata, • 
 * ■ * Fugse ftudio. 
 
 •f* Migr antes cernas, totaque ex urbe ruentes. 
 J Ac <veluti ingent em formic <z f arris acer<vum 
 Cum popu/ant, byemis memores, tecloque reponunti 
 It nigrum campis agmen, pr<edamque per herbas 
 Contestant calle angufio, pars grandia trudunt 
 Qbttixa- frumenta humeri s ; pars » ■ „ .« 
 
 Witk 
 
Book IV. Virgil Travejlie. 107 
 
 With Fardles, Bundles, Bags, and Wallet?, 
 
 To cloath their Backs and feed their Palates, 
 
 1 But what thought Dido in this Cafe, 
 
 When thus me faw them flink their Ways ? 
 
 From Garret- window faw 'em row, 
 
 And heard them crying Eaftuoard Hoe ! 
 
 1 To fee how Love makes Folks do Things, 
 
 Againft the Hair, againft the Shins ! 
 
 For fhe, though full of Indignation, 
 
 To be forfaken in this Fafhion ; 
 
 And, had fhe known but how to get him, 
 
 Could doubtlefs without Salt have eat him : 
 
 Yet ne'erthelefs, Love over-ruling, 
 
 3 She fell again to her old Puling ; 
 
 And once more meant to try if Pity 
 
 Would not recall him to the City. 
 
 *■ Look thee (quoth me) where he (my Nancy ) 
 
 V/hofe able Parts I do much fancy, 
 
 Has trult up all his Tools together, 
 
 To carry 'em the Lord knows whither. 
 
 s Hark how his Rabble Gang do fhout, 
 
 And (hove a Stern to haflen out ; 
 
 A Rout of bafe unthankful Peafants ! ' 
 
 The Devil cut their yelping Weazens : 
 
 1 Shih'tibi tunc, Dido, cernenti talia fenfus ? 
 
 — . Cum lito i a fer<i<ere late 
 
 Profpiceres arce ex fumma, totumque <videres 
 Mi/ceri ante oculas tar, its clatnoribus &quor. 
 
 2 Improbe AMOR, quid non mortalia peel or a cogis? 
 
 3 Ire iterum in lacrymas, iterum tentare precando 
 Cogilur, m ■■■ - 
 
 Nequid inexpertum, frufira moritiira y relinquat, 
 4- Anna, <vides toto properari litore circum* 
 
 i 5 V ocat jam ca? bafus auras, 
 
 P ui pi bus & Iceti nauia impofuere coronas. The 
 
108 Virgil ST ravejlie. Book IY, 
 
 The brawling Rafcals egg him on, 
 And make him madder to be gone. 
 Had I once dreamt the Tearing Devil 
 Could ever have been fo uncivil, 
 Thus like a Jade to break his Tether, 
 I mould have kept my Legs together i 
 Or have made bold t' have ty'd him fader, 
 To the due Limits of his Failure : 
 
 6 But fmce he holds me at a Diftance, 
 I beg thy Merly Aftiftance : 
 
 Thou know'it the Temper of the Block-head, 
 And to a Hair canft fit his Pocket : 
 Therefore (dear Nancy) I implore thee, 
 If e'er thoul't do any Thing for me, 
 
 7 Run to the Wharf with might and main, 
 And try to bring him back again : 
 
 I promife thee, and if I break 
 
 My Word, pray Jove I break my Neck, 
 
 8 If thou canft bring him to my Bow, 
 I'll give thee for thy Pains a Cow. 
 
 9 Tell him I e'er had more Difcretion, 
 Than to join I flues with the Grecian: 
 
 — ■ ■ 6 Soror ■ ■ miferte hoc tamen unum 
 Exequere, Anna, tnihi ; folam nam perjidus tile 
 Te colere, arcanos etiam tibi credere fenfus. 
 Sola <viri molles aditus, &* tempora noras, 
 
 7 /, foror, atque hojtem fupplex affare fuperhum. 
 
 8 Extremam banc oro <veniam [miferere fororis) 
 £>uam mihi cum dederzs, cumulata morte relinquam, 
 
 9 Non ego cum Danais Trojanam exfcindere gentem 
 Julide juranjiy clajfemve ad Pergama mifi : 
 Nec patris Anchifae cineres, manefve revelli. 
 Cur mea dicla negat duras dimittere in aures P 
 
Book IV. Virgil Travejlit. 109 
 
 I neither did meddle nor make, 
 
 But as they brewd fo let them hake : 
 
 Nor did I e'er make skittle Pin-bones, 
 
 Or Bobbins, of Anchifes" Shin-bones l 
 
 Why mould he then, without all Senfe, 
 
 Thus ufe me like a Kitchin-wench ? 
 
 1 I would but beg one Kindnefs from him % 
 
 1 I will no more claim Promife on him : 
 
 But only that he'll tarry here, 
 
 Half, or a Quarter of a Year ; 
 
 Whereby I may, before he go, 
 
 3 Wean myfelf from a Bed-fellow : 
 
 Or (if my Conilitution can 
 
 Not well fubfift without a Man) 
 
 Until I can myfelf fupply, 
 
 With one to do my Drudgery; 
 
 I'll ask no further Obligation, 
 
 * But let him to his Navigation ; 
 He may to Latinm then addrefs, 
 And fwim or link, all's one to Befs. 
 
 * Scarce had the woeful Z)/V<? doney 
 When Nan prepar'd her to be gone y 
 She tucks her Coats about her Haunches, 
 And to the Water-fide advances ; 
 
 She trip'd fo neatly to the Pier, 
 It would have done one good to fee her : 
 One would have thought me'd gone in hafte, 
 Midwife to fetch, me went fo fall. 
 
 - ■ 1 Extremum hoc mi f era det munus amanti. 
 
 a Non jam conjugium antiquum, quod prodidit, oro ; 
 
 Tempus inane peto, requiem, fpatiumque — — • 
 
 3 Dum mea me viffam doceat fortuna dolere. 
 
 4- Nec pulchro ut Latio careat, regnumque relinquat- 
 
 5 Taiibus orabat, talefque miferrima Jletus 
 
 Ftrtque, refertque Joror — At 
 
ii6 Virgil Travejtie. Book XV, 
 
 At laft ihe came unto the Place 
 Where Dido's dear Mneas was ; 
 She found him fet amongft his Mates, 
 The reft o'th' Trojan Runagates, 
 PufPd like a Foot-ball with Vain-glory, 
 Roaring and drinking tory-rory ; 
 Like one that knew a Pot i'rh' Pate, 
 Would be a Mile or two oW Gate, 
 
 The Trojan had no fooner fpy*d her, 
 But though he could not well abide her, 
 Yet 'caufe he would part fairly with her, 
 He ask'd what Wind had blown her thither. 
 
 She putting Finger in the Eye, 
 (As Women when they lift can cry) 
 Told him in what a fad Condition 
 Her Sifter was ; her laft Petition ; 
 And pray'd him, as he was a true Man, 
 Not to undo a proper Woman. 
 
 6 But me might e*en have fav'd her Juice, 
 And kept her Tears for better Ufe. 
 
 7 His Refolution ftill oppofes, 
 He would go, 'fpite of all their Nofes 5 
 * And like to Hemp, which as I take it, 
 The more you twift, you ftrongeft make it : 
 
 » ■ 6 Sed nullis ille movetur 
 F/etibus, aut voces ullas tracJabilis audit. 
 m Lacryma n)ol<vuntur inanes, 
 
 1 Tata objiant, &c. — 
 * Ac veluti anno/am walido cum robore quercum 
 Alpini Borets nunc bine, nunc Jiatibus illinc 9 
 Eruere inter fe certant z Sec. ■ 
 Ipfa bteret fcopulis, &C. ■ 
 
 Jiaud /ecus ajjiduis hinc atque hinc vocibus beros 
 Tunditur, ■ 
 
 Mens immota manet, — « Ev 9 n ; 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 1 1 1 
 
 Ev*n Co, the more me try'd to twine him, 
 • She itill more obftinate did find him. 
 
 9 Then Dido madder grew and madder, 
 No Friends (he had could now perfuade her ; 
 She ihmp'd and ftar'd, as fhe were Wood, 
 And in her melancholy Mood, 
 Calling to mind, in woeful wife, 
 JEreas and his Treacheries, 
 How often he had ftabb'd her Honour, 
 That Men would now make Ballads on her i 
 She was refolv'd, without Delay, 
 * Fairly to make herfelf away, 
 And meant to put her Refolution 
 Inro moll tragick Execution. 
 
 She had, alas ! too juft Incitement, 
 Thus to prefer her own Indiclment ; . 
 And Reafon good, by ail Relation, 
 Thus to proceed to Condemnation : 
 For fuch Portents, and dire Prefages, 
 As (till have been Difailer's Pages, 
 Foretold her Overthrow fo plainly, 
 She faw t* oppofe it would in vain be. 
 
 f She callM to wafh, and do you think? 
 The Water turn'd as black as Ink ; 
 And that by chance being Churning- day, 
 Her Cream moll ftrangely turn'd to Whey ! 
 
 9 Turn <vero infeltx fatis exterrita Dido 
 * Mortem or at : ttedet cceli convex a tueru 
 Quo magis inceptum peragat, lucemque relinquat> 
 \ Vidit, thuricremis cum dona imponeret aris, 
 Horrendum diclu ! latices nigrefcere facros ; 
 Tufaque in obfccenum fe verier e <vina cruorem* 
 Hoc irifum nulli, non ipjt effata forori. 
 
ii2 Virgil 7" ravefiie* Book 
 
 This Dido faw, but would by no Mean* 
 
 Tell her own Sifter of the Omens. 
 
 But that which gave the moft Perfuafkm 
 
 Unto her full Determination* 
 
 Was this : She kept Sichaus* Bones 
 
 In a great Coffer made o'th' nonce, 
 
 As fundry others have done the like, 
 
 By way of fuperftitious Relick, 
 
 In a dark Cellar under-ground ; 
 
 1 From whence each Nightadifmal Sound 
 
 Pierc'd Dido* tender Ear, and wifVd her, 
 
 Nay, like a Husband admonilh'd her r 
 
 To fit her for her latter End; 
 
 For why he told her, as a Friend, 
 
 That, in a very Ihort Space, me 
 
 Should of this World no Woman be. 
 
 4 The Scriech-Ovvls too, were her Molefters, 
 
 Who ftill were chanting out their Vefpers 5 
 
 3 Befides fhe had her Fortune told her, 
 
 When 'bout fome Doz'n or fo, no older ; 
 
 That Hie mould but one Husband have,. 
 
 And after that a fcurvy Knave 
 
 Should Heal her Honour like a Thief, 
 
 And make her hang herfelf for Grief : 
 
 Thefe fad Portents falling fo thick, 
 
 And pat on one another's Neck, 
 
 1 Hinc exaudiri voces, tif verba vocantis 
 V ifa <viri ; nox cum terras obfcura teneret : 
 
 2 Solaque culmlnibus ferali carmine bubo 
 S&pe queriy -1— — 
 
 3 Multaque praterea Datum pr&dicla priorum 
 Terribili monitu horrijicant* ■ - ■» 
 
Book IV. Virgil f raveftie. 113 
 
 Put the poor Queen befides her Senfes, 
 
 As a jufl: Plague for her Offences. 
 
 4- She dreams jEneas now is going, 
 
 Like a falfe Friend to her Undoing, 
 
 And that me muft, when Trojan goes, 
 
 For ever lofe her Play fellows, 
 
 Which to the Woman's Caufe fufficient, 
 
 Let her be ne'er £b well conditional, 
 
 To raife her to Extravagancies, 
 
 When me mud part with what me fancies. 
 
 5 Ev'n as a Bitch's Fury up is, 
 
 When People come to Ileal her Puppies : 
 So far'd the wrathful Queen that Day, 
 When Dildo mult be ta'en away : 
 She was fo much concern'd about him, 
 She could not, would not live without him ; 
 But, in her defperate Refolutions, 
 
 6 Would hang herfelf to try Conclufions, 
 The Time and Manner me projected, 
 And that me might not be fufpedled, 
 She-frnug'd her Vifage up with Smiles, 
 And thus her Sifter Nan beguiles : 
 
 — — 4- agit ipfe furentem 
 
 In fomnis ferus ^Eneas, femperque relinqui 
 Sola Jibi, femper longam incomiiata <videtur 
 Ire warn, • 
 
 5 Eumenidum <veluti demens wdet agmlna Pentheus, 
 Aut Agamemnonius /cents agitatus Oreftes, 
 
 Ergo ubi concepit furias, • 
 
 6 Decrevitque mori, tempus fecum ipfa, modumque 
 Exigif, Qp mcefiam diftis aggrejfa fororem, 
 Confilium uultu tegit, ac fpem fronte ferenat : 
 
 7 Nancy 
 
1 14 Virgil Travejiie. Book IV, 
 
 7 Nancy (quoth fhe) I've found at lafi 
 A Way, for all JEneas' Hafte, 
 If thou in the Exploit wilt join, 
 Shall pay him back in his own Coin, 
 And bring him back by our Contriving, 
 Since he's fo goodly, dead or living. 
 Seeing the Rogue my Love difgraces, 
 I'll fpoil his Sport in other Places, 
 
 8 A Mile from hence or fuch a Space, 
 Down in a Bpttom of a Place, 
 Far out of all Highways and Roads, 
 Where nothing breeds but Frogs and Toads, 
 Snakes, Adders, and fuch wicked Vermin, 
 That (can they catch 'em) will not fpare Men : 
 , There in a Cave lies an old 9 Wretch, 
 An ugly, rotten, toothlefs Witch, 
 So old, that one would think lhe were 
 The eldeft Devil's Grandmother. 
 
 * Now this old Beldam can do Wonders ; 
 If fhe but fay the Word, it Thunders, 
 
 7 Invent 9 germana, <viam (gratare for or i) 
 
 £)uce mihi reddat eum y <vel eo ?ne fol<vat amantem* 
 
 * Oceani finem juxta, folhnque cadentem, 
 Ultimus jEthiopum locus eft ubi maxvnus Atlas 
 Axem humero torquet, 
 
 9 Hinc mihi Malfylae gent is monftrata facer dos, 
 Hefperidum templi cuftos, epulafque draconi 
 £>u<z dabat, ; 
 
 Spar gens humida mella, foporiferumque papaver. 
 
 * Mac fe carminibus pr omit tit folvere mentes 
 £>uas <velit ; aft aliis duras immittere curas : 
 Siftere aquam flu c viis x Cif Dertere Jtdera retro ; 
 Ncflurnofque ciet manes. Mugire <videbis 
 
 Sub pedibus terram, & defender e montibus ornos. 
 
 Lightens, 
 
Book IV. Virgil Travejlie. 1 15 
 
 Lighten?, or Rains, or Hails, or Snows, 
 
 Or any Weather you'll fuppofe ; 
 
 She'll make a Cowl-ftaff, by her Spelling, 
 
 Amble like any double Gelding ; 
 
 And in the deep oW Night the bafe Hag 
 
 Can of a Cudgel made a Race Nag : , 
 
 A* Walnut fhe to # Sea can rig out, 
 
 And of an Egg (he'll make a Frigot 5 * 
 
 Nay, in a Thimble Item the Flood, 
 
 Provide the Thimble be of Wood. 
 
 She can, where fhe does owe a Spighr, 
 
 Spoil any Bridegroom's Wedding night, 
 
 And the Bride's Longing difappoint, 
 
 By virtue of a Codpiece- point. 
 
 She can make People love or hate, 
 . Ev'n whom me pleafe, and at what Rate 1 
 , And by her Magick and her Spells, 
 
 Make Folks, or hang, or drown themfelve's. 
 
 In fhort there's nothing that has 111 in't, 
 
 But fhe has admirable Skill in't, 
 
 And does her Mifchiefs too as quick 
 
 As any Juggler does a Trick. 
 
 , 3 I take the Gods to witnefs, Sifter, 
 
 I'm led into this Courfe finifter, 
 
 Out of no End Men wicked call ; 
 
 But only for Revenge, that's all ; 
 
 And fmce I am fo bafely croft, 
 
 I'll have this Hag, or it fhall coft, . 
 
 More than I'll fpeak of ; me perchance 
 
 May lead my Trojan fuch a Dance, 
 
 1 TeJIor, chara, Deos, tff te, gertnana, tuuwque 
 Dulce caput } magicas invitam accingier artes. 
 
 Shall 
 
Virgil Traveftie. Book 
 
 Shall make him glad, as faft as ma/ be, 
 
 To come again and cry Peccant ; 
 
 Or make him hang himfelf at leaft, 
 
 For an Example to the reft 
 
 O'th' Tribe of falfe diffembling Yeomen : / 
 
 That take a Pride to ruin Women : 
 
 And now by good Luck fhe's now hard by here, 
 
 Come not an Hour ago to Tyre, 
 
 Sent for, it feems, about no ill Deed, 
 
 To blefs a Sow that lies in Childbed, 
 
 A: id I'll go fetch her, by her Favour, 
 
 With a Subpoena, but I'll have her. 
 
 1 In the mean Time go thou and tie 
 
 Faft to the great Beam, where I lie, 
 
 The beft new Halter thou canft choofe, 
 
 And make a dainty running Noofe ; 
 
 Like that fell to the Fellow's Share, 
 
 That made a Woman of a Mare. 
 
 3 Then take me out JEneas* Raiment, 
 
 All I have Jeft in Part of Payment : 
 
 His greafy Doublet and his Trowfes, 
 
 Where many a wand' ring Trojan Loufe is : 
 
 The Treafure he has left behind him ; 
 
 In the great Handing Prefs you'll find 'urn; • 
 
 Stuff me 'urn up with Straw or Litter, 
 
 The worfe the Stuffing is, the fitter ; 
 
 And ram the Tatters with a Vengeance, 
 
 As People ufe to ram their Engines ; 
 
 Make hafte and do as I have bid ye ; 
 
 I'll hang the Rafcal in Effigie : 
 
 z Tu fecreta Pyram tetlo inter lore fub auras 
 Erige. * Et arma <viri> thalamo qu<z fixa reliquit 
 Impiusy exwviafque omnes, lefiumque jugalem> 
 ££uo peril, fuperimponas : - mm* 
 
'Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 117 
 
 So I'm advis'd to do, and fo 
 
 1 I mean to ferve him, if I blow ; 
 Which, though I cannot vvreek my Teen, it 
 Will flay the Stomach of my Spleen yet. 
 
 2 Thus having faid, the Queen chang'd Colour, 
 No Ghoft could e'er look pitifulier : 
 
 One would have have thought by her Deje&ion 
 
 And by her woeful wan Complexion, 
 
 She had been going juft o'th' fudden, 
 
 To drop, rmd give the Crow a Pudden. 
 1 1 Nancy, (although me faw the Queen 
 
 Ready to burft her Hoops for Teen) 
 
 And well enough mark'd how me lookM too, 
 
 Yet by her fine Pretence was rook'd fo, 
 ■ She did no further on't confider, 
 II" But w r ent about what me had bid her ; 
 \ Dreaming no more than her laft Even, 
 !< lido had been fo loudly given. 
 ijVway therefore my Lafs dees trot, 
 
 ;lnd prefently an Halter got, 
 'lade of the beil flrong hempen Seer, 
 [knd ere a Cat could lick her Ear, 
 lad ty'd it up with fo much Art, 
 jus Dun himfelf could do for's Heart : 
 1 'he Rope, and fay 'twas got o'th' fudden, 
 )id prove fo prime a fpecial good one, 
 
 [That with fair Ufage it might come 
 
 Iro hang up Carthage all and fome. 
 
 i~ * 1 Aholere ncfandi 
 
 unci a njiri 7?io?:i?nenta jubet, monflratque facer dot* 
 '/Hcsc effata Jilet ; pallor fi?nul occupat era. 
 
 Non tamen Anna no<vis ffratexere fur era fact is 
 zrmanam credit : nec tanios merit e furores 
 mcipit, aut grantor a timet , ~ /~-"~' 1 ■ ■ ■ » 
 
 Ergo J u ff a pxrat, ¥ The 
 
i 1 8 Virgil Traveftie. Book IV 
 
 The Trojan Doublet me had fill'd fo, 
 'Twas very ftrange the Buttons held fo ; \ 
 And that the Cramming of his Breeches, 
 Had not quite broken out the Stitches, 
 His very Stockings, though they were 
 About the Feet out of Repair ; 
 Yet flie made fliift to fluff each Start-up, 
 And tie 'urn to the reft on's Wardrobe : 
 
 5 Having thus brac'd him like a Drum, 
 She laid him out in Dido's Room ; 
 " Difplay'd upon a fair Jong Board. 
 Ready when Dido gave the Word, 
 To be advanced into the Halter, 
 Without the Benefit on's Pfalter. 
 Scarce had me thus difpos'd her Trinkums, 
 When up the Stairs, behold the Queen comes f 
 
 6 Leading along thfold rotten Gammer, 
 Into her Highnefs' matted Chamber. 
 
 When (he was come and faw the portly 
 Trophy in that mod noble Sort lie, 
 As fhe oft-times had feen the Sinner 
 Lie gorgfd on Benches after Dinner j 
 She fell again into a Paffion, 
 Caus'd by a fweet Commemoration, 
 Of paft Delights, feeing thofe Breeches, 
 And humbly the old Gib befeeches 
 To mew her utmoft Skill and Cunning, 
 To keep her Trojan Dear from running. 
 The mumbling Witch bid her not fear, 
 But reft content, and of good chear, 
 
 — * Exuvias, enfemque reliclum y 
 Effigiemque toro locate 
 
 6 Stant ara circum y & crines effufa Sacerdcs, 
 
 And 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveftiz. 
 
 And me fhould fee fhe'd make him flay, 
 Dr foul the Art (hould fay her Nay. 
 7 With that the Hag began her Charm, 
 You would have thought fheM had a Swarm 
 Df Wafps and Hornets in her Throat, 
 There came fo ft range & Humming out : 
 \nd as fhe fpokc^ her hollow Chaps, 
 Bound up in two thin fhriveli'd Flaps 
 Of old abominable Leather, 
 l,ike Bellows heav'd and clap'd together, 
 ier little Eyes, being fiery red, 
 A r ere funk fo far into her Head, 
 fhey look'd when mod fhe ftar'd at full, 
 Like Farthing- Candles in a Skull, 
 ier Nofe hung like an Arch between 
 iier wrinkled Forehead and her Chin : 
 p craggy Paflage and uncouth, 
 )ver the dreadful Gulf her Mouth ; 
 pod Elf-locks hung fo on each Shoulder, 
 Twould make one tremble to behold her. 
 This Witch a Ribbie-row rehearfes, 
 r ])( fcurvy Names in fcurvy Verfes ; 
 Vhich, by the Manner of her Mouthing, 
 Vas certainly Burlefque, or nothing ; 
 ind in thefe Rhymes, as round fiie limps, 
 alls her Familiars and her Imps, 
 Sprinkling the Chamber in her Motion 
 \ \Viih a rapid brackifh Lotion, 
 
 . Ter centum tonat ore Deos, Erelu?nque, Chadfque, 
 c-gemhiamque Hecaten, tria <virginis or a Diana?. 
 tycrjer<at ? 6? latices faKulutas jontis Averni : 
 
 F z 
 
1 20 Virgil Travejlie. Book IV. 
 
 For aught I know, of her own making, 
 By her much Stirring and Painstaking. 
 
 ( 9 ) .A red Heart breaker next me mow'd off, 
 A Wart that Dido was fall proud of, 
 And burnt it for a itrong Perfume, 
 And powerful Spell to make him come. 
 Then Hand in Hand to dance they fall, 
 A grave and folemn Magick brawl, 
 In fuck hard Figures none could tread'um, 
 But the old hobling Hag that led 'urn ; 
 Poor Dido too, alas ! made one, 
 Although her dancing Days were done : 
 And, tho' opprefs'd with Woe and Care, cut 
 Capers, and Tricotee'd it * barefoot ; 
 f Imploring all the Deities, 
 At ev'ry Step, both he's and {lie's, 
 To turn JEneas back, and make him 
 Follow the Work he'd undertaken ; 
 Or if he would not turn, t' afford 
 The Grace to turn him over-board. 
 Thus to her Footing the poor Jade, 
 Out of all Meafure curs'd and pray'd 
 Againft her Love had fo offended, 
 Till Dance and Charm together ended. 
 
 9 ^uaritnr cif nafesntis equi. de fronte re<vu//us, 
 Et matri prarcptus amor* 
 
 * XJiium exuta pedem vinclis, < • 
 
 Tefiatur moritura Deos, 
 
 « -f- 7um 9 Ji quod non aquo fesdere amantes 
 
 Cur a numen habet, juji ] unique, memorquCy precatur. 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie, . 121 
 
 1 'Twas now {he Time when Candles are 
 
 Repriev'd by the Extinguisher ; 
 
 When ev'ry Thing to Heep down lies, 
 i Dogs in their Keanels, Hogs in Sties : 
 j And Men and Women reft their Heads 
 
 Arid Heels, on Flocks, or Feather beds. 
 I Now Men and Fiihes, Birds and Bcaft, 
 I And every thing was laid to reft ; 
 || * All but the woeful Queen (alas ?) 
 [I Who now was brought unto that Pafs, 
 
 What* with her Love, and what With Spight, 
 , She could not ileep one Wink all Night. 
 \ Her Stomach was now piping hot, 
 , 3 It boiPdand bubbled like a Pot, 
 
 And did fo flrong a ..Wambling keep, 
 
 : She fitter was to fpew than deep. 
 
 Have not you ken an Animal 
 1 Yclcp'd an Horfe, when in his Stall, 
 
 The Botts, that terrible Difeafe, 
 (Doth on his tender Bowels feize, 
 
 What Groans he fetches, and what Pranks 
 
 He rolling plays upon the Planks ? 
 
 So Dido, crofs'd in her Amours, 
 
 Tumbled away her fleeping Hours, 
 
 A Nox erat, & placidutn carpebant fejfa foporem 
 \Corpora per terras ; filvaque, & Java quierant 
 \JEqucra : " 
 
 Cum tacet omnis ager, pecudes, piftteque <voIucres 9 
 \$u<eque lacus late liquidos, qua que a [per a dunils 
 Rura t event ; fotmo pofeta Jub noBefihnti 
 Lenihant curas, — 
 
 * At non itifelix animi PhcenilFa, nec unquam 
 fofaitur in fomnis, oculifve, aut peSiore noftem 
 Accipit : ~ — 
 
 — 3 Magnoque irarum ftuttuat a flu* 
 
 F 3 Noy? 
 
Mz Virgil Traveftie. Book 
 
 Now on her Back, and in fuch Fafhion, 
 
 As if fhe lay for Confolation ; 
 
 Now on her Belly, now her Side, 
 
 All Poftures and all Ways fhe try'd % 
 
 But all in vain, nothing would do, 
 
 * Her Heart was fo opprefs'd with Woe,. 
 
 And Love within her did fo rumble, 
 
 She could do nought but tofs and tumble t 
 
 At laft in midft of Agitation, 
 
 5 She thus brake out into a Paftion ; 
 
 Which Way, poor Dido,, fhould'ft thou turn thee; 
 Wfulft cruel Love does thus Heart-burn thee I 
 Thou now of Hope haft not one Spark left, 
 Th' haft brought thy Hogs to a fair Market* 
 Not one poor Dram of Confolation, 
 O Woman vile in Defperation ! 
 What mall I do in this Condition, 
 To keep me from the World's Derifion ? 
 
 6 Shall I invite, to be my Spoufe, 
 Some one I have forbid my Houfe ? 
 Some faucy, proud Numidian Jack, 
 And humbly beg of him to take 
 
 Eneas' Leavings, or,, like Trull here, 
 Run away bafely with this Sculler ? 
 
 . 4 Ingemhiant cur<z, rurfufque re fur gens 
 
 Srr-uit amor, 1 
 
 S Sic adeo infiftit, fecumque it a corde <volutat ! 
 
 En quid again ? 
 
 , 6 Rurfufne procos irrifa priores 
 
 Expcriar P Nomaduinque peta?n connubia fupplex y 
 Suites ego/urn toties jam dedignata maritos ? 
 "> Uiacas igitur c/ajes, at que ultima Teucrum 
 
 J&jfa ftquar ? 1 
 
 8$fa fugznautas comi tabor apatites ? 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveffie. igj 
 
 8 Or fhall I raife the Town in Swarms, 
 And bring him back by Force of Arms ! 
 Alas, I fear it is no Boot ! 
 
 Foul Means would never bring him to't. 
 
 9 No, no, I'll die ; this Halter yet, 
 When all Trades fail, mall do the Feat, 
 * Ah ! Sifter, Sifter, hadft not thou 
 Play'd Miftrefs %uicklf% Office fo, 
 
 And footh'd me up 'till I grew jolly r 
 I never had committed Folly : 
 No, had I made the leaft Refiilance, 
 And kept the faucy Knave at Diftance, 
 I might have us'd him as my lift, 
 And ne'er been brought to this I wift. 
 ** Thus lay the wretched Queen debating, 
 Nan, Fortune, and her Lover rating ; 
 -\ Vfhilft he Drum-full with his Potation, 
 Ne'er dreaming of the doleful Paffion 
 He had moft vilely left his Drab in, 
 Lay drunk and fnoaring in his Cabbin; 
 J But Mercery, tho' he flept profoundly, 
 § Made bold to beat up's Quarters roundly. 
 
 * An Tyriis, omnique manu ftipata meorum 
 
 Infequar ? ■ ■ ■ 
 
 9 £hin morere, ut merita es, ferroque averte dolor em\ 
 
 " * Tu prima furentem 
 
 His, germana, malts oner as, , — 
 
 ** Tantos ilia fuo rumpebat peSlore quejius* 
 
 + ^Eneas celfd in puppi, , 
 
 Carpebat fotnnos ■ 
 
 % Huic fe forma Dei — 
 
 Obtulit in fomnis ■« 
 
 Omnia Mercurio Jimilis, 
 
 — i| Rurjufque it a *wjk monere eji >. 
 
 Nate Bed- F 4 
 
1 24 Virgil Traveftie. . Book IV, 
 
 And thus 'gan rattle him : Thou lou fy, 
 
 Mangy, carelefs, drunken, drowfy 
 
 Coxcomb ! how oft muft I be fent 
 
 Hither from Jove to compliment 
 
 Your Worfhip to a rev'rent Care 
 
 Of the young Baftard here, your Heir ? 
 
 Whii'it thou ly'ft tippled, or tippling ; 
 
 Nor car'ft what Danger the poor Stripling 
 
 Lies open to. 1 Y*ad bell fnore on, 
 
 Some body will be here anon : 
 
 Take t'other Nap, do, till the Queen come, 
 
 She'll reckon with u for your In come ; 
 
 She'll rouze ye, Faith! And (Goodman Leicher) 
 
 'Tis ten to one, with a good Stretcher 
 
 About your Ears: Therefore my loving 
 
 Acquaintance, you were belt be 1 moving ; 
 
 Upon my Word sh? Advice is wholfome, 
 
 Stay not until the angry Soul come : 
 
 r .v if thou doft, ma;k what I fay, 
 
 And be'ft not gone bcfore v t be Day, 
 
 3 If Carthage ben't about your Ears 
 
 At foon as ever Day appears, 
 
 And do not thrafh. your Back and Side, 
 
 Far worfe than A?a?ucmnon did 
 
 — - — 1 Votes hoc fub cafu ducere fotnnos ? 
 
 Nec, qua? circmnjicnt te dei?ide pericu/a, cernis ; 
 
 Demens ! — - 
 
 Ilia doles - • in pcBore ever fat. 
 
 z Non fugis hinc praceps, dum prsecipitare pot eft as ? 
 
 Eia ctge % rumpe ?noras : ■ < 
 
 3 Jam mare turhari trabibus, fa'vafque <videbis 
 
 Col luce re faces> &c. ■ 
 
 Si te his attioerit t err is Aurora morantem. 
 
Book IV. . Virgil Trave/lie. 125 
 
 Thofe of your Woman-ftealing Rabble, 
 
 Give me but Six- pence, if thou'rt able, 
 
 And here's my Hand, I do not fport, 
 
 Til give thee twenty Shillings for't. 
 
 * Thus having faid away he flies, 
 
 Ere Tofs-pot could unglew his Eye?, 
 
 Which were fo cemented in that Cafe, 
 
 The Page was got as far as Atlas 
 
 Back on his Way, ere he could free 'urn. 
 
 From Gowl and Matter fit to fee him :. 
 
 But having ftreak'd and yawn'd a while,. 
 
 Snorted, and kept the ufual Coil 
 
 That Drunkards ufe in fuch like Cafes, 
 
 And made fome dozen Devil's Faces ; 
 
 At laft he got his Eyes unglew'd 
 
 Into a pretty Magnitude, 
 
 He ftar'd about to fee the Vifion 
 
 Had giv'n that courteous Admonition ; 
 
 But 'twas fo dark, as well it might, 
 
 Being 'twixt twelve and one at Night v 
 
 That had the nimble Courier 
 
 In Kindnefs ftaid his Leifure there, 
 
 Tho' clad in FaljlajjPs Kendal Green, 
 
 He could not pofiihly be feen. 
 
 5 JEneas troubled herewithal^ 
 
 Seeing he could not fee at air, 
 
 Starts from the Tilt where he had lafrr„ 
 
 And calls upon his Mates amain. 
 
 " 4 Sic fatus, noSfi fe immifcuit air or] 
 5 Turn <vero /Eneas, fubitls exterritus umhris, 
 Corripit e fomnc- corpus, fociofque fatigat. 
 
 F s c R$t 
 
126 Virgil Travejlie. Book 
 
 6 Rife, Sirs, quoth he., and look about ye, 
 
 7 I've had from Jo<ve another How d'ye. 
 His Man was here-, and calls to go ftill, 
 His fweaty Pumps are in my Nofe flill. 
 He fwears, and offers to lay odds on't, 
 
 And if he fay't, I'll lay my on't, 
 
 That if we do not leave the Dock, 
 
 And get us hence by Four a Clocks 
 We (hall be murder'd, if we were 
 Ten times at many as we are : 
 Therefore I think it not amifs for*s 
 7b launch, for there are Rods in Pifs forV 
 Let us b»C ply our Oars like tall Men, 
 Till we be got clear out of all Ken ; 
 Then if they have a mind to lace us, 
 Let Carthage, if they can, come trace us*. 
 
 8 And thou, O Jove, (top of my Kin !} 
 Who, hitherto, fo kind haft been, 
 
 9 If now thou ftick, and do not fail's, 
 Let Dido whiftle in our Tails. 
 
 Thus having fpoken, and thus pray'd, 
 * Forthwith he drew his doughty Blade, 
 And at one Slafh, to all Men's Wonder, 
 Cut the Boat's triple Cord afunder : 
 
 6 Pr&cipites <vigilate <viri, • < 
 
 — 7 Deus a there mijjus ah a/to, 
 
 Fcflinare fugam, tortofque in cider e funes 
 Ecce iterum Jiimulat. » 
 
 • 8 Sequimur te, /ancle Deornm y 
 
 Quifquis, es^ 
 
 9 AdfiSy O,. placidufque juves, iff fydera cceh 
 Dextra ferai f 
 
 * Dixit ;. <vaginaque eripit en fern 
 
 Fulmincum, Jlricloque ferit retinacula ferro. . 
 
 i 
 
Book TV. V i r g i £ Travt/lie. 12 
 
 1 At which the Gang, fpur'd by fo ample, 
 So mighty and renown'd Example, 
 Cut all the reft, nor Staying Brooks, 
 But let the Devil take the Hooks, 
 And fhipping Oars, to work they fell, 
 Like Men that row'd for good and all. 
 Had it been Day, no doubt one might 
 Have then beheld a gallant Sight. 
 Neptune's great Whiskers had not beer* 
 So neatly z bruft'd as they were then 
 Of many a Year : Crabs, that did neft 
 Full deep therein, could take no reft. 
 ^ They lather'd him in the great Bafon, 
 So admirably well, that Jafon, 
 Although he fhav'd the Golden Fleece,, 
 Ne'er wafh'd him half fo well as thefe* 
 4 Aurora now, who, I muft tell ye,, 
 Was grip'd with Dolors in her Belly, 
 Starts from her Couch, and o'er her Head 
 Slipping on Petticoat of Red, 
 Forth of the Morning Doors fhe goes,. 
 In hafty wife to pluck a Rofe ; 
 When Dido, who was broad awake r j 
 Hearing the rufty Hinges creak, 
 Ran to her 5 Peeping-hole, to fpy^ 
 What was become o'th' TrojanVy. 
 
 1 Idem otnnes Jimul ardor habet : „ 
 » Rapiuntque, ruuntque I 
 
 hi tor a deferuere : 
 ■ 1 &> carula werrunt* 
 
 3 Adnixi torquent /pumas, 
 
 4 Et jam prima novo fpargebat lumine terras 
 Tithoni croceum linquens Aurora cub He ; 
 
 * Regina e Jpecu/is, ut primum albefcere lucem 
 
128 Virgtl Travejiie. Book IV. 
 
 But out, a!as ! 7 The devil a Sail 
 
 Was left i'th' Port ; bare as my Nail 
 
 The Dock was ftripp'd ; while far from Shore 
 
 They row'd as they ne'er row'd before. 
 
 At which fad Sight, in Wrath (God blefs us !) 
 
 i; Tearing her dainty yellow Treffes,. 
 
 She fighing faid, Was ever feen 
 
 So pitiful an undone Queen ! 
 
 And Hull this filthy Trojan Roy Her 
 
 Undo, as one would do an Oyiler, 
 
 Poor Dido thus, and run away, 
 
 Macgre what I can do or fay ! 
 
 Hey, how the treacherous wenching Knave 
 
 Bounces and volts from Wave to Wave, 
 
 As he were making Ducks and Drakes,. 
 
 With Wherries upon Neptune's Lakes! 
 
 The Devil Aire farts in his Poop, 
 
 And puffs his kicking ScrJler up y 
 
 Or elfe fome dirty Suburb-Drab 
 
 Has help'd the Rafcal to a Clap, 
 
 And font a running Nag to Sea, 
 
 He could not elfe make fo much "Way. 
 
 v Cannot I burn, or fink their Floats ^ 
 
 A loufy Fleet of rotten Boats ! 
 
 Yes, I'm a Queen : To Sea, my People j 
 
 Let none remember he's a Cripple : 
 
 7 Vidit, & aquatis claffem precede re <velis, 
 Litoraque, &" <vacuos fenjit fine re??iige partus, 
 
 8 Flaventefque ahfcijfa comas, Prob / Jupiter ! Hit 
 Hie* ciit, & nojlris illuferit ad<vena regnis ? 
 
 9 Nov at nia expedient ? totaque ex urle fequentur ? 
 . — ite ; 
 
 Jerte citi jiammas 3 date ve/a, impellite remos.. 
 
 Eat 
 
Book IV. Virgil Travefck, Mg 
 
 But run and row, found and unfound, 
 
 And thofe you kill not, bring Home bound* 
 
 1 Bat tarry here, goody Magiftrate, 
 
 Your big Commands come now too late* 
 
 Poor Dido, Sorrow makes thee giddy, 
 
 They're got to Sea five Leagues already. 
 
 a Queen, thou- art mortal, and mull die 
 
 A Sacrifice to Lechery. 
 
 Time was thou might'lt have fomething done, 
 
 But now farewell Dominion. 
 
 3 This was our huffing Trojan Captain, 
 That his fair Mother's Smock was lap'd in* 
 Of twenty Greeks this was the Cob, 
 
 And brought his Gods away in's Phob, 
 And through the Fire a- pick a-pack 
 Bore the old Sinner on his Back, 
 Bed-rid Ancbifes ; this was he 
 Made the brave Voyage o'er the Sea. 
 This was your trufty Trojan, this : 
 Now he mews what a Man he is ! 
 
 4 Whilfl he was here, why did I not 
 Cut the falfe Rogue's devouring Throat F 
 
 5 Or of his Baftard make a Pye, 
 And being bak'd in Pafle of Rye, 
 
 1 £>uid loquor ? aut ubi fum ? Qua mentem infania mutat f 
 
 Life/ixDidol 
 
 * 2 Nunc te faila impia tangunt ? 
 
 Turn decuit, cum fceptra dabas. 3 En dtxtra, fdefque t 
 
 Quem fecum patrios aiunt portare Penates : 
 
 Qucm fubiijje burner is confeclum aiate parent em* 
 
 4 Non potui abreptum dwellere corpus, & undis 
 
 Sparge re ? ■■ 
 
 *■ 5 Non ipfum abfumere ferra 
 Afcanium ■ - 
 
 5 Make 
 
i^o Virgil Travejiie. Book IY f 
 
 6 Make the good Trencher-man, his nafty 
 Sire, eat his Brat for Mutton.Pafty ! 
 Why did I not, ere this Difgrace, 
 Kill him and all his treach'rous 7 Race? 
 I then had dy'd reveng'd, where I 
 Shall now depart moll fneakingly. 
 
 8 Thou, Sol, who didft in pimping Sort, 
 Becaufe thou would'ft not fpoil our Sport, 
 Creep into Clouds, that rainy Weather ; 
 And you that brought young Folks together, 
 
 9 Procurefs Juno, Jove, and all 
 Ye Members of Olympus* Hall v 
 
 I charge ye, as y'are Folks of Fafhion, 
 
 Grant this my jateft * Supplication, 
 
 If nothing can the Rogue withftand, 
 
 But that he mull get fafe to f Land, 
 
 Let it be fuch a Land as he 
 
 Had better far upon the Sea 
 
 With all his Comrogues have been drowned, 
 
 Than fuch a wretched Place have found. 
 
 May he, where he expects his Leafes, 
 
 Ne'er know what fuch a Thing as Peace is : 
 
 •— 6 Patrii/que epulandum apponere menjls P 
 
 » 7 Natumque, patremque, 
 
 Cum genere extinxem ; me?net fuper ipfa dedijpem. 
 
 8 So/, qui t err arum flammis opera omnia luflras : 
 
 9 Tuque harum interpres cur arum y & confcia Juno*. 
 Noflurmfque Hecate ■ 
 Et dirte ultrices. Sec. 
 
 Nojiras audit e precsy* 
 
 - \ Si tangere portus 
 
 Jnfandum caput, ac ttrris adnare necejfe ejl* 
 
Book IV. Virgil f ravejtie. I 
 
 1 But be drub'd daily Back and Side* 
 Till his Bones rattle in his Hide. 
 May he ne'er fleep an Hour in quiefr, 
 But be difturb'd with Rout and Riot ; 
 Black be his Days, and may his Nights 
 Swarm with Hobgoblins, Ghofts and Sprights % 
 May Strangers daunt him with Bravado's y 
 
 * And fpirit's Son to the Barbados ; 
 May he at lafl fall worfe than Sea-lick, 
 And find no Quack to give him Phyfick : 
 
 * No Help for Money, or for Love found, 
 But let him die and rot above Ground $ 
 
 >May none give Houfe-room to the Mungril fg 
 
 But let him perifh on fome + Dunghil. 
 
 And when his treach'rous Soul's departed*. 
 1 Let his foul Carcafs be deferted, 
 
 As Tray tors Quarters Men expofe- 
 
 To Hogs, and Dogs, and. Kit®, and Crows* 
 5 This my laft Pray'r is, hear it then, 
 
 I mail ne'er trouhle you again. 
 
 And be't your Care, ye Tyrian 6 Nation^" 
 
 To plague this wicked Generation. 
 
 ' 1 1 Be lb audacis populz wx&tus, &f armi: % 
 
 Binibus extorris ■ 
 
 -■ 2 Complexu avutfus Iiiliy 
 
 I Auxtlium impbret, — — 
 
 — 4 Vide at que indigna fuorum: 
 Funera ; ■ ■ 
 
 — Medidque inhumatus arena. 
 
 5 Htec precor, banc <vocem extremam ~* fun do. 
 
 6 Turn <vos, O Tyrii, fiirpem & genus omne futurum 
 Exercete odiis, c inert que b<ec mittite nojiro 
 Munera ; 
 
 % 
 
132 . Virgil Traveftie. Book IS 
 
 Kill 'urn like Rats, that I may have 
 Heaps of the Rogues pii'd o'er my Grave.. 
 J And may thofe Children that are yet 
 To bear, and thofe that are to get, 
 Torment them, ftill by Land and Water, 
 And flill may thofe that follow after 
 Hate worfe and worfe, that fo it fall, 
 The laft may hate them worft of all. 
 
 8 This faid, me let a Groan, and figh'd 
 A doleful Sigh, that prophefy'd 
 The Thread was fpun, and that the Pare* 
 Would ftsortly cut it without Mercy. 
 9 In Mind me weigh'd, as me fat crying, 
 What kind of Death was bell to die in. 
 Poyfon me thought would not be quick, 
 And, which was worfe, would make her fick ; 
 That being therefore wav'd, me thought, 
 That neatly cutting her own Throat 
 Might ferve to do her Bufmefs for her: 
 But that me thought upon with Horror, 
 Becaufe 'twould hurt her ; neither cou'd 
 She well endure to fee her Blood. 
 The next came in her Thoughts was Drowning, 
 That Way me thought 'twould be a done Thing 
 Soon, and with fome Delight ; for why 
 Sorrow had made her Grace a-dry. 
 
 7 Pugnent ipflque tiepotes. 
 Exoriare alibis mftru ex ojfibus ultor. 
 
 — Nullum amor poputis, nee feeder a funto. 
 * H<ec ait — J 
 
 9 E * t*rtes animum verfabat in omnes 
 dnvtjam querent quamprimum abrumpere hem, ' 
 
 But 
 
-Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 13$ 
 
 But then again fhe fell a thinking, 
 : She mould be fomevvhat long a finking, 
 
 Having been ever light of Members ; 
 
 And, to diffuade her more, remembers, 
 
 'Twould fpoii the Cloaths might do fome one 
 
 Credit when fhe was dead and gone. ■ ■ 
 
 On thefe mature Deliberations, 
 
 She lik'd none of thefe dying Fafliions : 
 
 But looking up, and feeing the Rope 
 
 Ty'd to the Beam i'th' Chamber -Top, 
 
 With neat alluring Noofe, her ficfc Grace 
 
 E'en long'd to wear it for a Necklace : 
 
 And in that Circle in Conclufion, 
 
 She prick'd the Point of Refolution. 
 I 1 But an old Woman being by her, 
 
 One of her Chatties, brought from Tyre, 
 I An ancient He:r r locm to the Queen, 
 I'Caufe (he her Husband's Nurfe had been; 
 " She meant to fond her fir! away,. 
 : On fleevelefs Errand (as we fay) 
 || That fhe might have her Swing alone, 
 
 To do her Execution. 
 
 2 Cicely (quoth fhe) go to my Siller, 
 
 Bid her tie up her Head, and wim her 
 
 To warn her Hands in Bran or Flour, 
 
 And do you in like Manner fcour 
 
 Your dirty GoJls ; for I intend to 
 
 Make a good Cheefe, and for a Friend too, 
 
 1 Turn breviter Barcen nutricem affata Sichsei ; 
 1 Annam chara tnihi nutrix hue Jifle firorem : 
 Die corpus proper et fiuviali fpargcre lympbd, 
 — Tuque ipfa pid tege tem^ora r oiitd % 
 
 ow 
 
ij4 Virgil Travejiie. Book IV 
 
 O'th Morning's Milk, let it be her Care 
 To take the great brafs Pan i W Larder, 
 And fill the Milk into't : And hear ye ? 
 Take you the large Cheefe-Fat iW Dairy, 
 And fcour it clean with Sand ; bid Joan too 
 Get on the Pot, that (he may come to ; 
 And when the Cheefe is come, but break it, 
 And call ; for I'll come help to make it. 
 
 3 The hobbling Trot limps down the Stairs, 
 And now the defp'rate Queen prepares, 
 
 4 Although her woful Heart did pantle, 
 To make herfelf a fad Example, 
 s Towards the fatal String (he moves 
 With tardy Pace, as it behoves 
 Thofe who, by Nicholas led aftray, k 
 Wilfully make themfelves away. 
 When fhe came underneath the Halter, 
 The Colour in her Face did alter ; 
 Whilft down her Cheeks round Liquor rowls 4 
 As if her Eyes had been at Bowls. 
 Firft fhe beholds, with trickling Eyes* 
 6 JEneas his moft dear Difguife : 
 And as the Trowfes fhe furvey'd, ? 
 Reflecting how fhe'ad been betray'd : 
 Sighing, cry'd out, 7 O thou who wert 
 The Joy and Comfort of my Heart, 
 
 > 3 Ilia gradum fludio celerabat anili. 
 
 4 At trepida iff pallida morte futura 
 
 5 Interior a domus irrumpit limina, iff altos 
 Qo?iJcendit furibunda rogos, 
 » » - pauium lacrymis, iff tnente morata, 
 
 6 Hie, poftqua?n Uiacas veftes, notumque cubile 
 Confpexit, < 
 
 7 Dulces exwviee, dum fata, Deufque finebant ; 
 — — Dixit que no<viJ]ima <verba* Whili 
 
1 
 
Book IV. Virgil Travejfia 135 
 
 Whilfl Casket to my deareft Jewel ; 
 But fince the Fates have been fo cruel, 
 My Grief and Shame, farewell for ever i 
 And here I prophefy that never, 
 Whoever may hereafter wear thee, 
 Shall mortal Bilbo e'er come near thee* 
 Farewell, my lateft Leave I take, 
 And kifs the Cafe for Ho-Boy's fake. 
 
 Thus having faid, fhe mounts the Table, 
 Becaufe, tho' tall, flie was not able 
 To reach the Halter that mull tye 
 Her fall to doleful Deftiny ; 
 And having, like too apt a Scholar, 
 Thrufl her plump Neck into the Collar, 
 As 'tis, you know, the hanging Famion, 
 She thus began her laft Oration : 
 
 * That I have liv'd, quoth me, and how* 
 I doubt, alas ! too many know ; 
 But that I now will die, is known 
 To no one but myfelf alone ; 
 And if I Nature's Debt do pay, 
 And hang myfelf before my Day, 
 The cenfuring World can fay but this, 
 That I'm the better Pay mi fire fs ; 
 And though I die a Death, they fay, 
 Makes Sufferers themfelves bewray, 
 And die uncleanly Corps ; yet I 
 Shall leave, although I purging die,. 
 ■ And go out ffcrong as Candle -fnuff, 
 A Fame fhall favour fvveet enough. 
 
 * V IX I } & y quern dederat cur f urn for tuna, peregi, 
 
 2 p 
 
t§S VirgilY y-avejlie. Book IV 
 
 8 For murther'd Spoufe I've made amends yet 
 As far as Stealing could revenge it, 
 
 And made Pygmalion^ that undid us, 
 Pay Sauce for making People Widows. 
 And, at my proper Ccfr. and Charges, 
 A Village built, which for it*'s Largenefs, 
 
 9 In a few Years might well have grown 
 To be a pretty Market-Town, 
 Had not this 'Trojan Varlet come 
 T' undo what all my Care had done. 
 
 Then going to turn off : * But mutt 
 I go, quoth me, and is it juft, 
 I die like Feion vile, or Tray tor, 
 Sans Vengeance on this Fornicator ; 
 f And whilft the Stallion proudly ftdkf it, 
 Mull I be thus hang'd up for Hawks- meat ? 
 Yes, die, as 'twas foretold thee long fmce, 
 If bat to trouble the Knave's Conscience : 
 Then *caufe fhe woulf; to part the fweeter, I 
 A Fortion have of Hopkins* Meeter, 
 As People ufe at Execution, 
 For the Decorum of Conclufion, 
 Being too fad to fing, fhe fays, 
 
 "Which with a Grace like his that pea'd it, 
 To her great Comfort being ended, 
 
 8 Vrbem prseclaram ftatui V mea incsnia midi i 
 TJlia n)trUm > paenas inimico a fratre recepi, 
 
 9 Felix s beu nimium'felix^ fi lit or a tan turn 
 Nunquam Dardaniae tetigijfent fioftra carina ! 
 
 * $e<? moriamur, ait', Jic^ fic ju<vat ire fib umbras* 
 \ Hauriat hunc ocu/is ignem crude/is ab alto 
 Dardanusy noftra fecutn ferat omitia mortis* 
 
 An< 
 
took IV. Virgil Traveftie. 137 
 
 \xA Ceremonies now com pleat, 
 
 roceeding to the final Feat; 
 
 I'hus, thus, (quoth me) to Shades of Night 
 
 go, and thus I take my Flight. 
 
 I With that me from the Table fwung, 
 \nd happy 'twas the Rope was (trong 
 nough, in fuch a Swing to flop her, 
 
 [or Grace might elfe have broke her Crupper : 
 So have I feen in Forert tall, 
 rom friendly Cup the Acorn fall, 
 nd Bullace tumble from the Tree, 
 .s ripe for Hanging, down fell flic, 
 ae caper'd twice or thrice moll finely ; 
 ut th* Rope embraced her Neck fo kindly, 
 'ill at the laft in mortal Trance, 
 ae did conclude the difmal Dance : 
 > yellow aromatick Matter 
 >rop'd from her Heels commixt with Water, 
 7hich, finking through the Chamber-floor, 
 Set all the Houfe in fad Uproar, 
 
 II at the firfl that they amils thought, 
 
 fas that her Grace had milt the Pifs-pot ; 
 nd when the Stairs they had afcended, 
 .nd law her Majefly fufpended ; 
 
 Diverat ; atquc illam media inter tali a... 
 < Non aliter, quam fi immijfis mat hojtibus omnis 
 
 larthago, 
 
 3 // clamor ad alt a 
 
 tria ; concujfam bacchatur fama per urbem, 
 
fr§3 Virgil Traveftie. Book 3 
 
 The Servants frighted paft their Senfes, 
 
 Tumble o'er Buffets, Forms, and Benches, 
 
 And ran to all the next Abidings 
 
 With open Cry to tell the Tidings. 
 
 4 Ev'n like unto the difmal Yowl, 
 
 When triftful Dogs at Midnight howl, 
 
 Or like the Dirges that through Nofe 
 
 Hum out to daunt their Pagan Foes, 
 
 When holy Round-heads go to Battle ; 
 
 With fuch a Yell did Carthage rattle : 
 s At the firft News poor -Nancy fkreaks, 
 And tearing Hair, and fcratching Cheeks., 
 
 Ran up the Stairs, and like a Fell-mrew, 
 
 Made all, that ftop'd her, feel her Elbow $ 
 
 Till having jollied all Oppofers, 
 
 And thruft fome twenty on their Nofes 5 
 
 At laft the Place fhe fet her Feet on, 
 
 V/here Dido hung to dry or fweeten : 
 
 6 Was it for this, ah Sifter, Sifter, 
 
 That I was fent to Gaffer Twijler 
 
 To buy a Rope ! 7 Was this, quoth ftie* 
 
 Your fine Device to cozen me ! 
 
 Could none a Halter elfe prepare ye, 
 
 But I muft be made acceffary ! 
 
 Why knew I not thy dire Intent, as 
 
 I ftill thy chiefeft Confident was! 
 
 4 LamentiSy gemituque, &Jeemineo ululaiu 
 TeSta fremunt ; rejhnat magnis plangoribus aiher ? 
 Non a/iter 9 quamji, &c, ■ 
 
 5 Audi it exanimis, trepidoque ex t err it a curfu 
 XJnguibus or a for or foe dans, &f peSlora pugnis y 
 Per medios ruit, ■ ■ 
 
 6 Hoc Mud, germana, fuit ? — — 
 * -■■ ■ « 7 Me fraude petebas ? 
 
 Hoc rogus ije tnihi> hoc ignes, ar&qite paralant? 8 Wh 
 
ook IV. Virgil Traveftiti 
 
 What did'lt, thou know, but kindly I 
 
 ight e'en have hang'd for Company ; 
 
 at in thy Ruin, I and all 
 
 he People fuffer great and fmall, 
 
 nd in this wilful Woman-flaughter, 
 
 Th'aft hang'd up Carthage Son and Daughter* 
 
 But flay, methinks I am not hafty 
 
 0 clofe thofe Eyes that ftare fo ghaftly : 
 Which faid, iier Buttocks on the Board 
 
 le tofs'd, that all the Chamber roar'd ; 
 nd being an active Lafs, and light, 
 t one Jump more Hood bolt upright. 
 Thrice in her Arms did Nancy catch her ; 
 hrice thumpM her Bofom to difpatch her, 
 nd thrice her lateft Breath did roar, 
 
 1 hollow Sound at Poftern-door. 
 
 || Then Juno, who had ever been 
 s 'twere fworn Sifter to the Queen 5 
 earing the lamentable Cries 
 hat from her Village pierc'd the Skies, 
 own towards Carthage bent her Looks, 
 'here feeing all Things off the Hooks, 
 
 — 8 Comitemque for or em 
 
 ^revijli moriens ? eade?n me ad fata wocdffes : 
 
 (em ambas ferro dolor , &C- 
 
 Extinxti me, teque, foror, populumque, patrefquS 
 'doniosy urbemque tuam ; date, wulnera lymphis 
 Abluam, 
 
 ~ f Sic fata, gradus e<vaferat altcs, 
 Semianimemque finu germanam ampler a fovebat 
 
 umgemitu, &c — 
 
 \*r fefe atto liens — — — • 
 
 fr revoluta toro ef, - ■ — k* .« 
 Turn Juno— — 
 
 And 
 
Virgil Travejiie. Book IV, 
 
 And Dido in unfeemly Sort 
 Hang dangling there; being forry for't, 
 1 And loth a Queen in Hempen Tackle 
 Should to Plebeians be Spe&acle ; 
 She calPd a little EmifTary, 
 That ufed her Embaflies to carry ; 
 One Mrs. Iris a main pretty 
 Nimble Houfe-wife, and a witty ; 
 One that, if bidden once, would do't ; 
 And had the Length of Juno's Foot 
 So right, that, for her Parts and Feature, 
 She was become her Miftrefs' Creature. 
 This Girl was born {as Poet hint to's) 
 At a fmall Hamlet near Olympus. 
 And though by Birth a Dyer's Daughter, 
 Yet had her Friends full well up brought her ; 
 And, becaufe Juno gave great Wages, 
 Prefer'd her thither for a Pagefs. 
 
 Her Juno call'd away from Starching, 
 And big with Tears, bid her be marching, 
 a Put on her Wings, and fwiftly clip it, 
 To cut down Dido from the Gibbet. 
 
 Iris, when young, had learnt to fly 
 (As Youth is full of Waggery) 
 Of a tame Jack-daw that me had, 
 And for her Journies, lately made 
 Fine party-colour'd Wings to fly in 
 No worfe than of her Father's Dying ; 
 
 , . T Longum miferata dokrem 
 
 i 2 Irim itmijk Olympo, 
 
 £>uce luftantem ammam, ne*6Jque refolverei artus. 
 
Book IV. Virgil Traveftie. 141 
 
 Who knowing that his Daughter wag 
 
 To be preferr'd to fuch a Place, 
 
 And what fhe muft b' employed about, 
 
 Had fpar'd no Coll to fet her out, 
 
 1 At the Command of Heaven's Goddefs, 
 
 She ties thefe Wings faft to her Bodice, 
 
 Which waving did adorn the Sky, 
 
 With all the fair Variety 
 
 C)f Colour* that the Rain bow Ihows, 
 
 When clad in her mo ft gaudy Cloaths. 
 
 Full fwift flie flew, till, coming near 
 
 Carthage, fhe made a Chancelleer, 
 
 And then a Stoop, when having fpy'd 
 
 Queen Dido's Window flaring wide 
 
 Set open you may well prefume, 
 
 (As there was Caufe) to air the Room, 
 
 She nimbly, to all Folks Amazement, 
 
 Whips like a Swallow through the Cafement. 
 I z O'er Dido's Head fhe took her Stand, 
 I And cries, whilft flouriming a Brand, 
 
 Sent down from Juno Queen come I, 
 
 Epilogue to this Tragedy ; 
 
 And thus, O Dido, fet thee loofe 
 
 From Twitch of fufTocating Noofe. 
 
 1 Ergo Iris croc eis per caelum rofcida pennis, 
 Mi lie trahens <varios ad<ver-fo Sole colores 9 
 Deuolat, . 
 
 - - z Et fupra caput ajtitit ; Uunc ego Diii 
 
 Sacrum jujfa fere* ieoue ifio corpore /oho. 
 
 G 
 
 3 Which 
 
142 Virgil Travejiie. Book IV 
 
 * Which faid, and toiling high her Blade 
 With great Dexterity, the Maid, 
 •f* O wonderful ! ev'n at one Side-blow 
 Spoil'd a good Rope, and down drop'd Dido.. 
 
 * Sic ait 
 
 m . 1 + Et dextra crinem fecat : omnis £ff una 
 Dilapfus calor, atque in <ventos <vita recejfit. 
 
 The End of the Fourth BOOK. 
 
 — 
 
Burlefqus upon <Burlefciue : 
 or, the 
 
 SCOFFER SCOFF'D. 
 
 Being fome of 
 
 L U C I A iV's 
 
 DIALOGUES 
 
 Newly put into 
 
 Englijh Fuftian, 
 
 ? or the Confolation of thofe who had 
 1 rather Laugh and be Merry, than be 
 || Merry and Wife. 
 
 By CHARLES COTTON, Efq ; 
 The Sixth Edition. 
 
 LONDON: 
 Printed in the Year M.DCC.XLX. 
 
PROLOGUE. 
 
 QEntiles, Behold a Rural Mufe, 
 
 In hcme-fpun Robes, and clouted Shoes, 
 Pre/en ts you old, but ne<iv tranflated Ntivs* 
 
 We in the Country do not /corn 
 Our Walls with Ballads to adorn. 
 Of Pafient Grizell, and the Lord of LorRC, 
 
 Old Tales, old Songs, and an old fifty 
 Our Stomachs eafilyft digeft ; 
 And of all Plays HieronymoV the left* 
 
 We bring you here a Fuftian-/>/Vr*, 
 Writ by a merry Wag of Greece, 
 Which yet the Learned fafs not much apiifsi 
 
 And if'gainft Style except you fb all, 
 Wrmuft acquaint you once for all, 
 Tij but Burlefque in the Original* 
 
 The Sub j eel is without O fence, 
 Do but fome fmutty Words difpenfe, 
 Wf.H make amends with Rhime, if not with Senfe. 
 
 Q z Beftdes, 
 
i 4 <5 PROLOGUE. 
 
 Be fides, you mufi not take a Vic que, 
 If h e fometimes /peak plain andgleek; 
 Without that Licenfe he could be no Greek. 
 
 'But we ourfelves fo hate Prophaners, 
 And all Corrupters of good Manners, 
 He*s qua li fie 'd for all Entertainers ; 
 
 And is fo well reform d from Riot, 
 His Book is made fo wholfome Diet, 
 f irgins and Boys <an run no daiiger hy if. 
 
 But why a Prologue, you will fay , 
 'To w hat nor is, nor*s like a Play ? 
 That I ex feci you in my Dijh fiiould lay. 
 
 Why, though this Antick new-<vamp\i Wit, 
 With 7to fuch n>ain Defigm was writ, 
 That it fijould either Gall'ry, Box, or Pit 4 
 
 Tet my renowned Author fays, 
 Thefe Scenes with thofe may pafs for Plays 
 Were writ itti Dutchefs of- ~— Days. 
 
 But Jhe is gone ( I fpeak it quaking, 
 The feeping Liovefs for waking) 
 To write in a new World of her own making 
 
 And now that fhe has Jhut the Pit, 
 You even mufl contented fit, 
 And take fuch homely Fare as you can get. 
 
PROLOGUE, 
 
 /-/•This, the Rhimer fays that pennd it, 
 For a fine Piece 'twas not intended. 
 Since in a Month 'twas both begun and ended. 
 
 Some Favour he experts therefore, 
 Arid does your Mercies (Sirs) implore 
 On one that never troubled you before. 
 
 But yet he bid me, ere I went hence 
 To tell you, that whatever s y cur Sentence, 
 bfhallnot cojl hi?n half an Hour's Repentant*. 
 
148 
 
 Prometheus, or Caucafus. 
 
 CT 7 HE Author, {who, no doubt, had Wit) 
 
 This Piece of Railery then writ, 
 When Pagan ifm was in Pafhion : 
 By this ridiculous Narration 
 ^io beat into the Brains o'th^ rude 
 And logger-headed Multitude, 
 That what the wanton Pats feign % 
 Of one Prometheus, is <vain, 
 And fit to he [h*re hi it fa id) 
 By none but Coxcombs credited. 
 Wherein his Meaning further is, 
 7o take away tti Authorities 
 Of Lyes and Fables, which did pige.W 
 The Rabble into faife Religion, 
 Which alfo was his Drift ['tis odds) ' 
 In th 1 other Dialogues o'th' Gods ; 
 Of which, this here flac\l firfi of all 
 Seems to be Captain-General. 
 
|D I A L O G U E. 
 
 Vulcan, Mercury, and Prometheus, 
 
 ]Merc. QO, now to Cajicafus we're got; 
 
 Come, Vulcan t let us look about 
 [For fome good Rock, where we may fall 
 To nailing fall the Criminal. 
 *Tis more than Time that we had done it : 
 [But let's choofe one has no Snow on it : 
 That of both Manacle and Gteve 
 The Nails we to the Head may drive ; 
 And one that alfo on each fide 
 Does open lie to be defcry'd 7 
 -That Faffengers may be aware on't, 
 And the Rogue's Shame the more apparent. 
 
 Vulcan. Content; but we mult nail him fo^ 
 That he may neither hang fo low, 
 That Mortals, foon as they mall fpy him, 
 May prefently come and unty him ; 
 Nor muft we fallen him fo high, 
 As to be out of Reach of Eye ; 
 I The Torment then would be unknown , 
 I That's meant an exemplary one. 
 Therefore be ruf d by my Advice, 
 ' We'll hang him on this Precipice 
 Tth' middle t)f the Mountain there, 
 Chaining one Hand to this Rock here, 
 
 G 4 T'other 
 
1 50 Burlefque upon Burlefque 0/% 
 
 T* other to that that's oppofite, 
 And there he will hang fair in light ; 
 
 Where Friend and Fee at eafe may view him, 
 
 But the grand Devi/ can't get to him. 
 
 Merc. 1 like thy Rcafons wond'rous well ; 
 
 They both are. inacceffible. 
 
 Come (Sir Prometheus) if you pleafe, 
 
 And mount a Step for your own Eafe ; 
 
 Nay, never bang an Arfe for th' matter, 
 
 It is in vain to cog and flatter : 
 
 Come on, I fay, and ne'er draw back for't, 
 
 Or thofe large Lugs of yours will crack for't ; 
 
 Why when, I fay ! come mount apace, 
 
 And hang, Man, with a handfome Grace. 
 
 Prom. Hale me not, prithee, on this Falhion, 
 
 But take fome fmall Commiferation 
 
 Upon a pauvre Diable 
 
 Unjuftly made thus miferable. 
 
 Merc. What ! I believe thou art fo kind 
 
 (Thou bear '11 a very loving Mind) 
 
 To have us trufs'd up in thy room 
 
 For difobeying great Jove's Doom ! 
 
 Do'H think this Caucafus to be 
 
 Too little to hold all us three? 
 
 Or would it Comfort be to thee, 
 
 T'have Fellows in thy Mifery ? 
 
 Tour Servant, Sir, we thank you kindly, 
 
 And in Return we mean to bind ye 
 
 Where any Friend you have may find ye. 
 
 Gome [Sir) your Right-hand ; Vulcan % drive : 
 
 Well driven, as I hope to live I 
 
 Such Things 1 fee thou haft an Art in ; 
 
 That Hand I warrant's fafl for fiarting, 
 
 Come [Sir) your left ; here ftrike again, 
 
 And drive this Home with might and main. 
 
the Scoffer fcoff'd. 
 
 Ha ! ha ! old Smutty face, well faid, 
 W aft hit the Nail {I faith) o'tti Read, 
 Here, here, now take rne this right Leg, 
 And drive me here another Peg. 
 Well faid ! here make me this fall too, 
 And then there is no more to do. 
 'Slid, thou hall done it to a Hair ; 
 So, now [Sir) you may take the Air, 
 And may contemplate all alone ; 
 The Vulture will come down anon 
 To prey upon your Entrails, Don ; 
 A Rccompence, a worthy one, 
 For your moll fine Invention. 
 
 Prom. O gentle Mother Earth that bore me, 
 And in thy Throes didll loud groan for me ! 
 Thou Saturn , and Japetus too, 
 Alas the Day, what mall I do ? 
 What ! mull I undergo this Y/o-thing, 
 And fuftcr thus for doing nothing ? 
 
 Merc. No ! call'll it nothing {wicked Beaft) 
 To cheat great Jove at a great Feaft ! 
 To give him Bones (a Trick that new is) 
 Sm^ar'd over with a little Brewis, 
 And keep the bed o'th' Meat (forfooth). 
 For your own Wormip'S dainty Tooth ! 
 Befides, I wonder much {JVifeaker) 
 Who 'twas that made you a Man- maker / 
 That fubtle crafty Animal ; 
 And Woman too, the worft of all ! 
 And then to ileal the Fire from Heaven, 
 Which only to the Gods was given ; 
 And that they prize/above all meafure 
 Much more than all their other Treafure * 
 
 G 6 
 
152 Burlefque upon Burlefqtie \ Or, 
 
 After all which, hall thou a Face, 
 
 So varninYd, nay, fo vamp'd with Brafs : 
 
 Or rather fteel'd with Impudence, 
 
 To preach to us thy Innocence ! 
 
 And to complain thou haft wrong done thee \ 
 
 Thou wicJCd Rogue, now out upon thee ! 
 
 Prom. Haft thou the ftcny Heart to rate 
 And ufe me thus in this Eftate I 
 And to reproach me for things here, 
 For which, by all the Gods I fwear, 
 And all of them to Witnefs call 
 That dine and Tup in Joa)/s fair Hall, 
 I deferve rather, than this Doom, 
 
 A Penfion iW * Prytonium. * The Ex- 
 
 And if thou wouid'ft but give me Leifure, chequer of 
 In Sadnefs, I couid take a Pleafure, Athens. 
 (For all, I know, thou muft do glory 
 In thy renowned Oratory) 
 Now with thee to difpute the Cafe, 
 And argue' t with thee Face to Face 
 To bafrle in thy Perfon here 
 Thy mighty M after Jupiter. 
 Take then upon thee his Defence 
 With all thy mighty Eloquence, 
 And make't appear that he has Reafon 
 To chain me here this bitter Seafon, 
 In Profpecl of the Cafpi.an. Ports, 
 To which the trading World reforts, 
 To all thofe Crowds of Men to be,. 
 A Speaacle of Mifery 5 
 Yea ( md what's more) of Horror, ev*n .«*| 
 
 NeceJJity of Trading, as well as ly the Wi?ids* 
 
The Scoffer feoff d. v 153 
 
 Merc. Faith, thy Defence comes now too late ; 
 But, if thou haft a mind to prate, 
 We'll give thee Hearing, and we may ; 
 For we are here enjoined to flay 
 
 Until we fee the * Pigeon- driver * The Vut- 
 
 Come down to prey upon thy Liver. ture. 
 
 In the mean time we'll mew cur Breeding 
 
 In our Attention to thy Pleading ; 
 
 Make ufe of Time then,, and be quick. 
 
 In pouring out thy Rhetorick, 
 
 'Twill doabtlefs ravifh ; for J hear 
 
 Thou art a mighty Sopbifter. 
 
 Prom. Nay, to freak firft it is thy parr> 
 Became thou my Accufer art ; 
 And in fo doing, take heed, pray, 
 You don't your Mailer's Caufe betray; 
 Smug here mail Hand by, and be mute, 
 And be the Judge of oar Diipute. 
 
 Vulc. Who, I be Judge againft my father! 
 Thy Peacher and thy Hangman rather, 
 For having my own Forge bereaven 
 Of Heat, by ftealing Fire from Heaven-. 
 
 Prom. Why then I'll tell you what to do, 
 Your Accufations fplit in two; 
 
 * Thou of the Theft to fpeak hadft beft, * Speaking 
 And let him handle all the reft ; to Vulcan- 
 
 T'other OfTences leave to him 
 And alfo it would ill befeem 
 The God of Thie ves in open Srmon 
 To fpeak againft his own Ftofeffion. 
 5 Vulc. No, no, to meddle I am loth* 
 Mercury here mall fpeak for's both : 
 He is a Clerk of better Reading, 
 For my Part I've no skill in Pleading: 
 
1 54 Burlefque upon Burlefqtie 5 ( 
 
 He has been bred to't, I was ne'er 
 
 Cut out to be a Barrijier ; 
 
 My Head too heavy was and logger, 
 
 Ever to make a Petifogger. 
 
 I'll ne'er deny it, I've more Art 
 
 In clouting of a crafy Cart : 
 
 But he by Bawling, 'tis well known, 
 
 Has gotten many a good Half-Crown ; 
 
 And by that Tirade has got his Living, 
 
 (For all thy Talk) as well as Thieving. 
 
 Merc. It would require a tedious Time* 
 Piecemeal to handle ev'ry Crime 
 Of which thou loufy, mangy, filthy, 
 Abominable Knave , art guilty : 
 Nor is't enough in running Falhion 
 Barely to name each Accufation : 
 But, fmce my Gentleman confefies, 
 Nay, glories in his Wickedneffe?, 
 My Task by that fo much the lefs is. 
 And it great Folly were to babble 
 A great Jong tedious FJbble-rabble 
 Of Crimes would load a Council -Table, 
 And go about with grave Sentences 
 To prove a Bead Roll of OiFences 3 
 Of which, without being fo ftri&, 
 He is by his own Mouth convict ; 
 And therefore I mall fay but this, 
 That undeniably it is 
 The greatefl Injury can be 
 To Jupiter s great Clemency, 
 So often to relapfe into 
 Crimes (Sir) for which you full well knew 
 The Gallows were long fmce your Due ; 
 
The Scoffer feoff 9 J. 
 
 And, in Defiance Rill of Heaven, 
 To fin as often as forgiven. 
 
 Yrotn. A great Cafe in few Words laid open 
 Learnedly has your Worjhip fpoken : 
 Good Mafter Serjeant, y'ave undone 
 The Lawyers ev'ry Mother's Sen : 
 Tis Pity but you had held on, 
 It was fo pithy an Oration. 
 But now how wife your Accufation 
 Is in the Subftance, would be known. 
 And that {Sir) we fhail fee anon. 
 But fince you think yeVe faid enough, 
 Without one Syllable of Proof, 
 ril enter into my Defence, 
 To anfwer your great Eloquence.- 
 And firft and foremoft, here I all 
 The Gods in Heanfn to witnefs call, 
 It pities me to th* Heart to fee 
 'That the great Jupiter mould be 
 i So out of humour, and fo grum, 
 -As to pronounce this heavy Doom, 
 (Not only on a Man, but even 
 
 A God who has a Right in Heaven, 
 
 One of the merrieft of boon Blades, 
 
 And one too of his old Comrades, 
 
 Nay, one that fometime (much GQod do him) 
 
 Has been full ferviceuble to him : 
 
 And all this only for a Jell, 
 , I put upon him at a Feaft ! 
 
 But had I thought he'd been fo lodden 
 j Of his bak'd, fry'd, boiPd* road and fodden > 
 j I mould (I am not fuch a Noddy) 
 ■ Have jelled with fome other Body* 
 
156 Burlefque upon Burlefque 5 Or, 
 
 Thou know'lt what Liberty of jefting 
 Every one takes when they are feafting. 
 ^ Where we throw Cufhions, Chairs, and Stools,, 
 And none but Children, or mere Fools, 
 Any Thing ever do take ill, 
 Let a Man do whatever he will : 
 But evermore the better Sort 
 Turn all to Railery and Sport. 
 But for one, of the State that his is, 
 To let fuch a poor Thing as this is 
 (Scarcely the Shadow of Wrong). 
 Lie feftring in his Heart fo long, 
 And to this damnable Degree 
 To wreak his Anger as you fee, 
 In my poor Judgment, is a Part 
 So much below the gen'rous Heart 
 Not only of a God to do, 
 And of ail Gods the Sovereign too 
 But even of a Gentleman, 
 A civil, and a well-bred Man : 
 For if fuch honeft Liberties, 
 Such Paftimes, and fuch Tricks as thefe-, 
 Muft banjfliM be from merry Meetings, 
 I fain would know what at fuch Sittings 
 There will be left to do, but fill 
 One's Guts like Brutes, fo munch and fwill I 
 Which is unfit (if lam able 
 To judge) of any civil Table. 
 I did not then, I fwear, imagine 
 He would have taken't in fuch dudgin ; 
 Or that he'd had fo Jittle Wit, 
 As the next Day to think of it ; 
 Much lefs he would have been, fo canker'd^ 
 So falfe a Brother of the Tankard, 
 
<tbe Scoffer feoff' d 
 
 As to have plagu'd me in this fort 
 For what I only did in Sport. 
 What if in Play I mide one Mefs 
 Than others fomething worfe and lefs, 
 And offer'd 'em to his refufmg, 
 Only to try his Wit in chafing ? 
 Was that fo heinous an Offence, 
 He mufl bear Malice ever fince, 
 And nourifh Aich a damn'd Malignity, 
 As if the uttermoft Indignity, 
 Both to his Perfon and his Crown, 
 I ofF:r'd had that e'er was known ? 
 But come now, at the <worj} lei's take it 3 
 And tnakft as ill as ill can make it : 
 Suppofe, more than thoudidflat fiffti 
 Not only that hi: Share was word, 
 But that he'd had no Part at all, 
 Muft he for this make all this Brawl ? 
 And muft he (as th' ojd Saying b) 
 For fuch a trivial Toy as this, 
 (A Thing indeed not worth a Feather) 
 Shuffle both Heaven and Earth together ? 
 And of one Me il for the great LolTes, 
 Of nothing talk but Stocks, and Croffes,. 
 Racks, Gibbets, and the fe new Devices, 
 Of Vultures, Rocks and Precipices ! 
 Let him take heed when this is bruited 
 That this Proceeding ben't imputed 
 To an Unworthinefs of Spirit : 
 I promife you I greatly fear it ; 
 For a great thing I fiin would know, 
 What would this Thunfrer ftick to do, 
 Who makes this ftrange unheard-of Clutter 
 • Fox lofmg of his Bread and Butter ? 
 
158 Burlefque upon Burlefque % Or, 
 
 How many Men would fcorn this odd, 
 This flrange Proceeding of a God I 
 Does any Hiftvry relate, 
 That ever Man of any State 
 So greedy was, or paflionate, 
 To make, or put his Cook away, 
 For licking of his Fingers, pray I 
 Or if a Tripe, or fo, he rifles, 
 One ne'er regards fuch pretty Tribes; 
 Or if one do chaftife him for it, 
 'Tis only with a Kick, or Whirret : 
 But for fo fmall a Pec cadi I 
 To fend a Man up Holborn-hilL 
 An Aft is of an odious Dye, 
 And an unheard-of Cruelty ! 
 
 Thus much to fay I've ta'en Occafion 
 To th' firft Point of my Accufation ; 
 V/ he re in fo pitiful's the Matter 
 Which does my Innocence befpatter, 
 That (though I do not often ufe it) 
 I almoft blunYd but to excufe it ; 
 Tiiey then may fure blufh well enough, 
 Who charge me with fuch wretched Stuff. 
 
 Let's now to the next Charge proceed, 
 And that's a heinous one indeed, 
 The making Man ; wherein I am 
 To feek 'gainft what you would declaim : 
 Whether the Thing a Crime you call 
 Confift in making Man at all ; 
 Or that it only is the Fajhion 
 That wants your Worlhip's Approbation ? 
 But we'll examine both, that's fair : 
 And to the firft, I do declare, 
 The Qods fo far from lofisg are 
 
The Sccffer fccff'd, • 159 
 Any thing by this new Creation, 
 That (if they would be Folks of Fafhion, 
 And with their Neighbours would be quiet) 
 They're infinitely Gainers by it. 
 And (tho' they will be fo outrageous) 
 For them 'tis more much more advantageous^ 
 That there be Men, tho' they be evil, 
 : Deformed, and wicked as the Devil, 
 And good, or bad, or low, or tall, 
 Than that there mould be none at all. 
 And (back into pall Time to go,) 
 In the Beginning, you mufl know, 
 The yVorld, which now no Tenants wants* 
 Save Gods, had no Inhabitants. 
 At which good Time the Earth (alas !) 
 Nought but a vail wild Defart was, 
 All overgrown with Trees and Bufhes, 
 jManfions for Blackbirds, Jays, and Thrufhes, 
 Where there no Riding was, but Walking, 
 Good ftore of Game, but no good Hawking 1 
 Where Herds and Deer did graze and fill 'em, 
 But no Body to hunt and kill 'em, 
 For whence (Sir Merc'ry) by your Leave, 
 Do you in your wife Head conceive 
 Come all thofe goodly well-till'd Fields, 
 That fo good Wheat and Barley yield ; 
 Whence thefe Hne Gardens with their Flowers, 
 The Temples with their ftately Towers, 
 Of Altars all this mighty Store, 
 And Statues which the World adore, 
 And feverai Things that I could mention, 
 But from Man's Labour and Invention ? 
 Therefore as I, who from a Groom, 
 No bigger than a Miller's Thumb, 
 
 Have 
 
i6o Burlefque upon Biirlefqice y Or, 
 
 Have ftill been taking daily Pains, 
 
 And cudgeling about my Brains 
 
 To find Inventions out that fhou'd 
 
 Conduce unto the publiek Good, 
 
 Was mufing after my old rate, 
 
 And meditating this and that, 
 
 An old Diogenes in Tub-like, 
 
 For fomething ufeful to the Publiek ; 
 
 As Poets fing, without delay 
 
 I took fome Water and fome Clay, 
 
 And temp'ring them together * thus, * Betwixt 
 
 Ev'n made a Man like one of us. his Finger 
 
 Wherein Minerva was an A&refs, *nd his 
 
 (I'll not conceal my Benefaftreft) fl.umh. 
 
 And this is all, as I am eivif, 
 
 That I committed have of Evil, 
 
 A mighty matter (without doubt) 
 
 For Jo*ve to keep this Stir about ! 
 
 But what complain the Gods of, trow? 
 
 W T hat is it that offends them fo ? 
 
 Do not my Creatures them adore I 
 
 Are they lefs Gods now, than before 
 
 I undertook this Puppets Trade, 
 
 And Male and Female Babies made ? 
 
 For but to fee how Jupiter 
 
 Does fret, and fume, and ftamp, and flare, ' 
 
 Threaten, and huff, and fwear and fwagger, 
 
 And clap his Hand on Dudgeon Dagger, 
 
 A Man would think that he had loft 
 
 The Half of his Eftate alraoft, 
 
 At leaft his Grandfather's Seal-Ring, 
 
 Or fome mod dear-beloved Thing. 
 
 What ? is his Majefty afraid,. 
 
 Thofe dapper Fellows I have made, Againft 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d. 
 
 Againft his Pow'r fhould rant and roar, 
 ! As did the Giants heretofore ! 
 
 Or, if they fhould turn Mutineers , 
 
 (Which yet they dare not for their Ears, 
 
 Is He, who could the Sons of Titan 
 
 (For all their Huffing) make be 'urn, 
 
 Much more reduce them all to Reafon, 
 
 Grown feebler now, than at that Sea fan ? 
 
 The Gods then by my fine Device 
 
 Suftain no kind of Prejudice, 
 
 But, to mew forth and make it plain, 
 
 That they by my Invention gain, 
 
 Do but behold the Earth which was 
 
 In former Days a barren Place, 
 
 With Thorns and Brambles over-fpread ; 
 
 But now improv'd and husbanded, 
 
 Affording Things innumerable 
 
 To cloath Man's Back, and ftore his Table, 
 
 For of itfelf it naught produces 
 
 But Crabs, and Fruits of fower Juices. 
 I Nay, ev'n the Sea is in fome Faftiion 
 
 Appeas'd and tam'd by Navigation. 
 
 The Iflands are inhabited, 
 
 The Worlds round Face with Cities fpread, 
 
 Where Men do facrifice, and pray 
 
 On many a merry Holy day. 
 
 In fhort (as the fmall Poet fays) 
 
 Temples, Towns, Streets, nay, the High-ways, 
 
 (As oft as People travel there) 
 
 Are all brim full of Jupiter, 
 
 Again, if one could make a Story 
 
 That I had aim'd at my own Glory 
 
 In doing this, it fomething were ; 
 I But it does contrary appear. 
 
1 6*2 Burlejque upon Burlefqtie \ 
 
 For *mongft fo many Fanes that rife 
 
 To fuch a Crew of Deities, 
 
 Of any one didit hear't related 
 
 Unto Prometheus dedicated ? 
 
 Which does fufficiently declare, 
 
 That I my own particular 
 
 Honour and Interelt have neglecled, 
 
 And, but the Publick, nought refpe&ed. 
 
 Confider further {Mercury) 
 
 That that we call Felicity, 
 
 Without a Witnefs; looking on 
 
 Can be but an imperfect one ; 
 
 And that, if Mortals there were none 
 
 To fee this great Creation, 
 
 The World would be but a dead Mafs, 
 
 And our Advantages much lefs, 
 
 (Tho 1 the ftrange Fabrick will require it) 
 Jn having no one to admire it. 
 Again, as Things to us are known 
 But only by Comparifon ; 
 So, if unhappy Men were none, 
 Our Happinefs would be unknown ; 
 And for fuch Benefits as thefe, 
 Inftead of giving me large Fees, 
 At leail great Honour for Reward, 
 You crucify me, which goes hard ; 
 That Smart unto my feeling Senfe 
 Mull be my Virtue's Recompence, 
 But what ! there are Adulterers, 
 Murtherers, Robbers, Ravifhers, 
 Perhaps you'll argue amongft Men : 
 Why, if there are, I pray what then ? 
 Are there not amongft Us the fame, 
 As void of Honefty and Shame ? 
 
The Scoffer fcoff'd. 
 
 And yet for this we don't condemn 
 
 The Heav'n and Earth that nourifh'd them. 
 
 But you will add, perhaps, this more, 
 
 That we've more Trouble than before, 
 
 And are put to't to find Supplies 
 
 For many more Neceffities : 
 
 Whoever heard, I know would fain, 
 
 A Shepherd of his Flock complain 
 
 For Fruitfulnefs, tho they yeaa'd double, 
 
 Becaufe they help'd him to more Trouble : 
 
 If painful 'tis, 'tis profitable, 
 
 Nay, pleafant too, and honourable; 
 
 And this Advantage brirrgs with't too; 
 
 It finds us fomething Hill to do ; 
 
 Whereas we otherwife fhould go 
 
 With Hands in Pockets ev'ry Day, 
 
 And nothing have to do but play ; 
 
 Or fwill and guttle every day, 
 
 With Neftar and Anilrojia. 
 
 But that at which moft vex'd I am, 
 
 Is to hear thofe the mod exclaim 
 
 Of Men, who lead can be without 1 um, 
 
 And if they Women meet do rout 'um, 
 
 For the fine Knacks they wear about 'um. 
 
 And though they keep this mighty Pother, 
 
 Do love them more than any other. 
 
 Nay and each Day to thoufand Shapes 
 
 Transform themfelves to act their Rapes, 
 
 And not contented (as they fay) 
 
 To take a Snatch, and fo away : 
 
 But that they may flick longer to't, 
 
 Ev'n make them Goddejfes to boot. 
 
 But fome may fay, that I had Reafoiv, 
 
 And that Man-making was no Treafon, 
 
1 64 Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Or % 
 
 Only it fhould not have been thus, 
 
 To make him like to one of us. 
 
 And could I in ingenious Noddle 
 
 Have chofen out a fitter Model 
 
 Whereby my Art might be expreft, 
 
 Than that I knew was perfe&ell ? 
 
 Hid I begun my Making-Trade 
 
 With Four-legg'd Beafts, and Brutes had made, 
 
 Perhaps it would have been no Sin, 
 
 And I no Criminal had been : 
 
 But from fuch Creatures of mere Senfe, 
 
 Devoid of all Intelligence, 
 
 With Faces prone, and Looks deje&ed, 
 
 What Service could you have expected ? 
 
 The Gods had been, without Difpute, 
 
 Moil rarely- worfhip'd by a Brute : 
 
 A great Bull would have been, I fear, 
 
 But an obftrepVous Worfhipper, 
 
 And bellowing Prayers, I'm afraid, 
 
 Great Jupiter would have difmay'd. 
 
 An Afs or Horfe in fenfelefs wife 
 
 Would bray or ^whinny Liturgies. 
 
 To hear (Sir Mercery) it would fear ye 
 
 A Wolf bawl out a Miferere ; 
 
 And t'hear a Lion, worfe than that, 
 
 Roaring out a Magnificat. 
 
 Come, come (m) Mafters) fay I mud 
 
 That you are horribly unjurl, 
 
 You flick not far as Egypt roam 
 
 Only to fnuff a Hecatomb, 
 
 And him the Caufe you Malice dooms, 
 
 You Altars have and Hecatombs, 
 
 But come, enough of this ! Let's on 
 
 To my laft Accusation, 
 
The Scoffer feoff' d 165 
 
 7he Stealing Fire, And firft, have I 
 
 Impov'rifh'd any Deity, 
 
 By having given it to Men ? 
 
 Or have you now lefs Fire, than whea 
 
 1 had therewith infpir'd no Creature I 
 
 And is it not the proper Nature 
 
 Of that warm Element to dart 
 
 Its Rays and Heats to ev'ry Part, 
 
 And yet (till to continue Fire, 
 
 Keeping its Virtue dill entire ? 
 
 Then what a vain Objeftion's this, 
 
 A poor Fetch, and a vteer Caprice, 
 
 Below, and unbefitting all 
 
 The Poets Benefaclors call ! 
 
 Befides, had I purloined ev'n 
 
 To the lafl Spark of Fire in Hea<v % n 9 
 
 I had not wrongf 4 the Gods a Bit ; 
 
 They boil no Pot, nor turn no Spit : 
 
 For your Ambrofia does not need 
 
 To be or hajfrd, or fricafyd. 
 
 A Cook may there forget his Trade, 
 
 Where nor Pottage, nor Oglio's made, 
 
 Whereas poor Men, contrarivvife, 
 
 Want it for their Neceflities ; 
 
 If for no other Ufe at all 
 
 But t' facrifice to you withal. 
 
 Do you not love to fmeil the Roaft 
 
 Of a good Rammifh Holocauft ? 
 
 jo that 'tis plain (for all Pretences) 
 
 You fpeak againit your Confciences. 
 
 ' wonder (hang me if I don't) 
 
 nnce this is fuch a great Affront, 
 
 \nd of your Fire fince y'are fo wary, 
 
 iou ha'nt forbid Don Luminary H Tim- 
 
1 66 Burlefque upon Eurlefque \ 
 
 T'impart his Light, which is, I'm fure, 
 A Fire more glorious and more pure ; 
 And that, t' overthrow the Ufe of Dial, 
 You do not bring him to his Trial, 
 For having thus, without all Meafure, 
 Profufely fquander'd out your Treafure, 
 And, like a treacherous Truft- breaker, 
 Lewdly embezzePd your Exchequer. 
 
 This is (you Pair of Jo<ve\ Bumbailijfs, 
 Or Hangmen rather) Sum totalis 
 Of what I'd for myfelf to fay ; 
 If you confute me can, you may ; 
 But (for I ever lov'd Plain-dealing) 
 (O Mercury, thou God of Stealing) 
 To tell thee the plain Truth o'th' Story, 
 'Tis paft, I doubt, thy Oratory ; 
 But do me right, pledge and ^tnuere Water 
 Reply, altho' not much to th' Matter. 
 
 Merc, It is not eafy (I confefs) 
 To baffle fuch a Plate of Brafs ; 
 For in my Days I ne'er did hear 
 So impudent a Sophijler. 
 And well's thee Jupiter\ not near thee, 
 Who, had he chanc'd to over-hear thee, 
 I conlidently do afTure thee, 
 Thou would'fl have fo provok'd his Fury, 
 By fland'ring him under Pretence 
 Of pleading in thy own Defence ; 
 So vilely fland'ring him, that he 
 For fuch a grand Indignity 
 Would, in his burning Indignation, 
 Have fent thee down, inftead of One, 
 A dozen Vultures of a Feather 
 To prey upon thy Lungs together. 
 
The Scoffer feoff 9 d. \6y 
 
 But tell me why thou, being a Prophet, 
 (For furely thou knew'rt nothing of it) 
 Hadft not the Knowledge to forefee 
 The Evil was to fall to thee ? 
 
 Prom. Oh (Mercury) hold thee content ; 
 One may forefee, but not prevent. 
 I did forefee it well enough ; 
 Of which to give thee further Proof, 
 Know, that I likewife did forefee, 
 
 A * Theban mould deliver me, * Hercules, 
 
 One of thy old Acquaintance, and 
 A proper Feiiow of his Hand, 
 Who with a lufty Bolt and Tiller 
 Will come and be my Vulture's Killer. 
 
 Merc. I wi(h he were already come, 
 ^nd that in Jove's great Dining- Room 
 Ve were, with each one a good Thwittle, 
 Vgain fet down to fwill and vittle, 
 'rovided (Seignior) do you fee, 
 'hat you fhould not the Carver be, 
 fpecially (my Friend) for me. 
 Prom. Why thou wilt fee me there agen, 
 larry, I cannot juil fay when : 
 it I will tell thee 'twixt us two, 
 ftiall fo rare a Service do 
 )r Jupiter, that for my Labour 
 2 will reftore me to his Favour, 
 Merc. What Service is it that fo great is ? 
 Prom. Thou know'ft a Lafs call'd Madam Thetis, 
 -pretty little wanton Drab: 
 it I a Secret will not blab, 
 
 at is to purchafe and advance 
 \ Peace and my Deliverance. 
 
 H z Mtr*. 
 
1 68 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; 
 
 Merc. If it be fo, thou doll full well 
 Yea, and full wifely, not to tell : 
 But, Vulcan, come, we muft away, 
 For yonder is the Bird of Prey> 
 I fee him in a Kill-duck Place, 
 Ready to make a Stoop : Alas ! 
 Beware thy Liver now, I'm forry 
 {Prometheus) very forry for ye, 
 And wifh the Liberator were 
 As ready, as the Danger's near. 
 
The Scoffer feoff' d. 169 
 
 THE 
 
 DIALOGUES 
 
 O F T H E 
 
 G O D S. 
 
 Prometheus and Jupiter. 
 
 And now th $ art here, take pity, prithee, 
 Jpon a poor old Cinque and Quater, 
 fas paid for playing the Creator, 
 n truth, I've fuffer'd out of reafon, 
 *nd eke withal fo long a Seafon, 
 'hat, if thou would' it be good condition'd, 
 'houd'ft think that that were e'en fufficient 
 or a far greater Fault than mine is, 
 nd to my Torments put a Finis, 
 fever was Man tormented thus ! 
 (ang me if this fame Caucajus 
 e not the coldeft Habitation 
 think in all the whole Creation ; 
 nd 'twixt the Vulture, and the Weather, 
 he Cold, the Kite, or both together ; 
 
 H 3 Altho* 
 
i jo Burlefque upon Burlefque - 7 Or, 
 
 Akho' I do not eat a jot, 
 [Saving thy Pre fence) I have got 
 So damn'd a Griping in my Guts, 
 That, as I'd forfeited of Nuts, 
 I've thirty Stools a Day at leaft ; 
 Then prithee let me be releaft ; 
 For I have purg'd fo wond'rous fore, 
 That, truly, I can do no more. 
 
 Jup. Who, I releafe thee ? 
 Releafe a Rogue, releafe a Pudden ! 
 I would thou could it perfuade me to it : 
 For what, I prithee, mould I do it ? 
 For which of thefe fine Pranks th'afr. plaid ? 
 The pretty Fellows thou haft made, 
 Have caus'd fuch Mifchief 'mong the Gods, 
 That we e'er fince have been at odds ? 
 Or, for thy filching Fire from Heaven, 
 To animate the uncouth Leaven ? 
 Or, which of Crimes is not the lead, 
 Cheating thy Matter at a Feaft ? 
 * When, like a fawcy ill-bred Waiter, 
 Thou, for thyfelf, the Flefh couldft cater, 
 And trait'roufly, and for the nones, 
 Mad'ft me thy Dog, to pick thy Bones ? 
 For which, Sir Sauce-box, doft thou fee, 
 Since thou'lt make Men, I'll unmake theei 
 And I have hung your Worjbip there 
 In this convenient nipping Air, 
 As I conceive it did require, 
 To cool thee after ftealing Fire : 
 And as to thofe thy Belly -gripes, 
 Know, Rogue, my Vulture loves fat Tripes, 
 
The Scoffer feoff' d. 
 
 And I will feed him upon thine, 
 3ecaufe thou once defeated!* mine. 
 
 Prom. But for thefe Faults, and for a Score 
 Greater than thefe, nay, Twenty more, 
 -lave I not fuffer'd full enough ? 
 ror, tho' my Hide be well and tough, 
 Thou know'il it is not made of Buff, 
 And neither Froft, nor Vuhure^xoo^ 
 3efides, this Vulture, by this Light, 
 [s the plain Devil of a Kite, 
 tfis hooked, black, deformed Beak, 
 [ think, thro' Mars his Shield would peck ; 
 rfrs Feet, wherewith my Sides he tickles, 
 3ave Talons more like Scythes than Sickles ; 
 When he's in's Place high in the Air, 
 rle feems as big as Cajfioare, 
 iVhere fome Time lying on his Wings, 
 After a few preparing Rings, 
 rle makes his Stoop, and dowa he comes 
 WhiM Fear my very Heart benums) 
 vVith fuch a Whirlwind and a Powder, 
 That, tho' thy Thunder may be louder, 
 Thy Lightning is not half fo quick, 
 Nor does it make one half fo fick ; 
 And gives my Liver fuch a Thump, 
 That the Blow ecchoes at my Rump. 
 Then faft'ning in my Ribs his Pounces, 
 rle tears my Stomach out by Ounces, 
 3 reys on my Liver, Lights, and Lungs* 
 And in my Paunch his Beak bedungs. 
 50 that by Even Yefternight, 
 fining to take his fupping Flight, 
 H 4 
 
ijz Burlefque upon Burlefque 5 Or y 
 
 As in my Bowels he was tugging, 
 He lights upon a Matter pudding, 
 Which, ashepuirdftill, (till did follow, 
 So much more faft, than he could fwallow, 
 That had I not (upon my Word) 
 Becaufe I know thou lov'll the Bird, 
 With my Teeth caught him by the Train, 
 He'd ne'er on Carrion prey'd again. 
 Therefore if all the Miferies 
 I have endur'd will not fuffice, 
 Yet let this one good Office do't, 
 And eafe me at my humble Suit, 
 
 J up. Were th* Pain9 whereof thou ioft complain 
 As many and aa great again ; 
 Yet were they not the Hundreth Part 
 Of what is juftly thy Defert. 
 Thou (hould'ft by Caucafus, thou Scai, 
 Be crufh'd as flat as Verjuice- Crab, 
 And not be only ty'd unto it 
 To choak a Spar-haiuk with thy Suet. 
 Nay, thou art fuch a Malefactor, 
 And in all 111 fo vile an Actor, 
 As fhould not only have thy Liver 
 Prey'd on by twenty Kites together ; 
 But yet moreover have thine Eyes 
 Pick'd out, to pay thy Treacheries, 
 And even thy felonious Heart, 
 Hadll thou but half of thy Defert. 
 
 Pro. Well, thou may'ft follow thine own Will, 
 And, if thou wilt, torment me ftill : 
 Bit, if thou wouldft but be contented 
 '1 o pardon me, thou'dft ne'er repent it : 
 
 for 
 
?be Scoffer feoff* d. 173 
 ; r I ftull fuch a Caution give thee, 
 ' ill make thee glad thou didft reprieve me. 
 Jup. What I perceive thou now wouldft fain 
 \ loofe, to gull me once again. 
 From. Prithee, by that what fhould I get ? 
 1 jift thou Mount Caucafus forget ? 
 < • if there yet were no fuch Place, 
 \ ill thou not thoufand other Ways, 
 hofe PowVs fo uncontrouPd and ample, 
 ' ) make me a mod fad Example ? 
 Jup. Come, come, I cannot ftay to prattle, 
 or hear thy idle Tittle Tattle. 
 hat (for no more thou now malt dorre me) 
 I releafe thee wilt do for me ? 
 >me, leave thy Wheedling and thy Cogging, 
 id tell me for I mud be jogging. 
 Prom. Wilt thou not take it, Jove, in dudging, 
 . I now tell thee w f here thou'rt trudging ? 
 id wilt thou henceforth now believe me, 
 id in thy Heart that Credit give me, 
 I tell Truth unto a Tittle, 
 lat I can prophefy a little ? 
 Jup. What elfe ? 
 
 Prom. Why then, to cure thy Itching, 
 
 W, thou now art going a Hitching, 
 
 id fo immoderate thy Heat is, 
 
 i none can quench but Nereid Thetis. 
 
 Jup. Well, if I mould play fuch a Feat, 
 
 hat IiTue fhall we two beget ? 
 
 Prom. What IfTue ! marry out upon her ! 
 
 no means meddle with that Sp&wner : 
 •r if thou doft, I'll tell thee what, 
 
 gracelefs Child will be begot. 
 
 H j Betvrrt 
 
1 74 Bur lefque; upon Burlefque Or, 
 
 Betwixt thee and that blue-efd Slattern, 
 Will thee depofe, as thou didft Saturn ; 
 At leaft fo threat the Deftinies : 
 And therefore, if thou wilt be wife, 
 Let her alone, and come not at her, 
 But, elfewhere, lead thy Nag to water, 
 
 J up. Well, fincc tho'aft hit tb y Nail o'tti Head, 
 I'll once by thy Advice be led ; 
 And for thy Counfel's Recompence 
 Vulcan fhall come and loofe thee hence. 
 For all pafl Faults I quit thee clear. 
 
 Prom. Why then I thank thee, Jupiter. 
 
the Scoffer feoff' d. 
 
 *75 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Jupiter and Cupid, 
 
 Cup. A H Jupiter, I prithee, hear, 
 
 *^ For thine own fake, good Jupiter, 
 If I am guilty of a Crime, 
 Do but forgive me this one time, 
 And if I e'er do fo agin, 
 Then whip me till the Blood do fpin. 
 What ! will not Jove be reconcii'd, 
 But ftill bear Malice to a Child ? 
 
 J up. A Child, thou little Rakebell thou ? 
 A pretty Child, thou art I trow ! 
 Older than Japbet, little Hang-ftring, 
 Tho' one might wear thee in his Band firing. ^ 
 And then, for Art and Subtlety, 
 Prometheus is an Afs to thee. 
 
 Cup. That Painters belt and Poets know, 
 Whoever reprefent me fo ? 
 And unto them I do refer it, 
 Who, if they are put to't, will fwear it : 
 But were I what thou'dft have me be, 
 . What Mifchief have I done to thee, 
 That ought t' engage thine Indignation 
 To ufe me on this cruel Fafhion ? 
 
 Jup. What doft thou ask me, Ne'er-le good 1 
 When thou haft fo inflamM my Blood, 
 
 H 6 That 
 
1 76 Burlefque upon Burlefaue j Or, 
 
 That, as I Philters fwallow'd had, 
 I ev'ry Day run whinnying mad 
 For ev'ry Woman that I fee, 
 And yet thou mak'ft not one love me : 
 So that each Day, to fcreen my Vices, 
 I'm put to pump for new Devices, 
 And to put on a thoufand Shapes, 
 The better to commit my Rapes. 
 
 Cup, That is, becaufe the Women fear thee,' 
 And therefore tremble to come near thee." 
 
 Jup. And yet the ill- conditioned Toads 
 Can love, fbrfooth, the other Gods : 
 Jpollo he can have his Joys 
 Both with the Wenches and the Boys. 
 
 Cup. The Caufe of that is quickly guefs^ 
 He's handfome, and goes fprucely dreft'cu 
 And yet for all his powder'd Locks, 
 His Songs and Sonnets with a Pbx, 
 And that he goes fo fine and trim,. 
 Daphne could never fancy him 1 
 Nor could he e'er her Liking move* 
 So abfolutely free is Love. 
 But wouldft thou fpend each Day and Hour 
 Jn Drafting, and not look fo fowre, 
 Which (in plain Truth) does mainly fright 'em, 
 J make no Queftion but thou'dft fmite 'em. 
 But then k will be requifite, 
 If thou wik turn a Carpet- Knight > 
 To lay thofe by all Women dread, y 
 Thy Thunder and thy Gorgon's Head* 
 
 Jup. What, Rogue % wouldft have me to lay by 
 The Enfigns of my Deity % 
 
 That's 
 
ffo Scoffer feoff d. 
 That's pleafant Counfel, faith ; but yet 
 I think I fliall not follow it : 
 No, Sirrah, I (hall more prefer 
 The Dignity of Jupiter. 
 
 Cup. Then thou muft Women let alone. 
 
 J up. No, I mail wench (till, ten to one ; 
 And yet (for all thy Hafte) not bate 
 One Inch or Tittle of my State. 
 Howe'er, fince thou fo well haft prated* 
 My Anger is for once abated, 
 And I forgive thee all old Grutches. 
 
 Cu(>. I'm glad I'm got out of his Clutches, 
 
178 ' Burlefque upon Burlefque% 0r 9 
 
 DIALOG UE. 
 
 Mercury and Jupiter* 
 
 Jup. Y\ OS T thou know Io, Mercury P 
 
 Merc. lo, yes fa rely, ■ let me fee,—— 
 Oh, Inachush pretty Daughter I 
 
 Jup. The fame, thou know'ft I long have fought her ; 
 And now at laft that I have caught her, 
 Doft think but Juno, my curft Vrotv, 
 Has turn'd the Girl into a Cow, 
 Out of pure Jealoufy to cheat me, 
 And of my Pleafure to defeat me ; 
 And has deliver'd her to keep 
 T'a Monfier that does never fleep ; 
 But having Eyes in every Place, 
 Ev'n in his Arfe as well as Face, 
 A hundred fpread all o'er his Parts, 
 Both where he fpeaks, and where he farts a 
 Whilft fome of them a Nap do take, 
 Others are evermore awake, 
 So that, unlefs I had a Spell 
 To bull my Co<w invifible, 
 I ne'er can think to take him napping, 
 And from his Sight there's no efcaping. 
 But Thou, I know, a Way canft tell, 
 To rid me of this Centinel; 
 
 Thou 
 
 I I 
 
The Scoffer feoff' d. 
 
 Thou Wit and Courage haft enough ; 
 Prithee now put them both to Proof. 
 Go then to the Nemean Grove, 
 Where the foul Monfter guards my Love, 
 And for my fake take fo much Pains, 
 As fairly to knock out his Brains. 
 When having batter'd his thick Skull, 
 To JEgypt drive my lovely Mull, 
 Where they mail pay her Sacrifices 
 Under th' adored Name of IJis : 
 There me mall fway the Winds and Waves, 
 And be the Queen of Galley-JIaves. 
 
 Merc, I go, and if I find him once, 
 With my Battoon Til bang his Sconce 
 So pretty well, as mail fuffice 
 To put out all his hundred Eyes. 
 
i8d Burkfque upon Burlefque \ Or> 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Jupiter ^Ganymede, 
 
 7 U P* f^Ome kifs me, pretty little Stranger, 
 
 ^ Now that we are got clear from Danger * 
 And that, to pleafe my pretty Boy, 
 I've laid my Beak and Talons by. 
 
 Gan % What are become of them, I trow ? 
 Thou hadft them on but even now. 
 Didft thou not come where I did keep, 
 Thinking no Harm, my Father's Sheep^ 
 In Eagle's Shape, and with a Swoop, 
 Like a fmall Chicken-, trufs me up ? 
 And art thou now turn'd Man ! this Change 
 Is very wonderfully ftrange : 
 Sure thou art one of thofe fame Folk as 
 I' ve heard 'em call a Hocus-pocus, 
 
 Jup. No, my fweet Boy, thou tell'lt a Flam, 
 Nor Eagle I, nor Jugler am : 
 But Sovereign of the Gods, who have 
 Trartsform'd myfelf (my pretty Knave) 
 Into thefe Man and Eagle's Shapes, 
 To £nap my little Jack-a-napes. 
 
 Gan. Sure, thou art our God Pan, and yet 
 Thou haft no Horns, nor cloven Feet f 
 
 No/ 
 
fhe Scoffer feoff J, 1 8 1 
 
 faor yet a Pipe, as I do fee, % 
 
 The Marks of that great Deity. 
 Jup. Know'ft thou no other Gods but he f 
 Gan. No ; but to him I know that we J 
 
 Ev'ry Year facrifice a Goat, 
 
 Before the Entry of his Grot, 
 
 And as for thee (altho* with Trembling) 
 
 I tell thee plain without Diflembling, 
 
 I judge thee for to be no better 
 
 Than that bad Thing fome call a Setter, 
 
 Others a Spirit that doth lie 
 
 In wait to catch up Infantry ; 
 
 Who give them Plums, and fine Tales tell 'em, 
 
 To Heal them firft, and after fell 'em. 
 J up. But lurk thee, Child ! didft never hear 
 
 Of a great (Wcall'd Jupiter ? 
 
 Didft never fee upon a High-day 
 
 An Altar drefs'd upon Mount Ida, 
 
 Where Folks came crowding far and near 
 
 To offer to the "Thunderer ? 
 || Gan. What art thou he that makes the Rattle 
 
 I'th' Air, which frights both Men and Cattle, 
 
 Sow'rs ail the Milk* and doth fo clatter 
 jj Both above Ground and under Water, 
 
 That Men not dare to fhew their Heads, 
 
 Nor Eels lie- quiet in their Beds I 
 
 If thou be that fame Jupiter, 
 
 To thee my Father ev'ry Year 
 
 Does facrifice a Tup t & good one ; 
 
 Then fpeak in Truth and Conference, wou'd one 
 
 Be fo ungrateful a Curmudgel, 
 
 To ileal away his Age's Cudgel? 
 
 Befides, 
 
1 8 ; 2 Burkfque ttpon Burlefque ; Or, 
 Befides, what have I done, I pray, 
 Should make thee fpirit me away ? 
 Who knows but now, whilft Fm in Heaven, 
 My* Flock being left at fix and feven y 
 The Wolfs amongft them breaking's Fafi, 
 Nay, perhaps worrying up the laft ? 
 
 Jup. Why, let the Wol/etn play the Glutton, 
 'Tis but a little rotten Mutton. 
 Fie, what a Whimpering doft thou keep 
 For a few mangy lowfy Sheep ! 
 Thou mull forget fuch Things (my Lad) 
 Why, thou art now immortal made, 
 Fellow to th' Gods, and therefore now 
 Miift think no more of Things below. 
 
 Gan. What then I warrant, Jupiter, 
 Thou doft intend to keep me here, 
 And wilt not deign to make a Stoop 
 To fet me where thou took'It me up. 
 
 Jup. I think I (hall not (my fmall Friend) 
 For, if I do, I lofe my End ; 
 And all that I by that mould gain, 
 Would be my Labour for my Pain. 
 
 Gan. Ay, but my Sire will angry be, 
 So angry when he mifTes me, 
 That he will foundly firk my Dock 
 For thus abandoning his Flock. 
 
 Jup. For that (my pretty Boy) ne'er fear ; 
 For thou fhalt always tarry here# 
 
 Gan % Nay but / ivonnot, fo 1 ^voonnot. 
 Nor yoa (han't keep me, no you Jhannot : 
 Spigbt ofyow Nofe, a?id ^voill ye 9 nillye, 
 I will go Home again, that will I, 
 
<Tbe Scoffer feoff d. 
 
 But if thou would fo far befriend me, 
 
 As fet me down where thou didft find me ; 
 
 I'll facrifice (I do not mock) 
 
 To thee the faireft Tup i'th' Flock. 
 
 Jup. Thou'rt fimpfc, and a Child indeed. 
 To think that I fuch Offerings need ! 
 Tup-mutton j t*me the nvorft of Meat ; 
 And thou too muft thefe Things forget : 
 Thou'rt now in Heaven fit to do 
 Thy Father Good and Country too ; 
 Nor needll: thou now his Anger fear, 
 His Arm's too fhort to reach thee here 4 
 Nor malt thou henceforth dread the Rod, 
 Thou no more Boy art, but a Gcd ; 
 Far better Fare thou (halt find here, 
 Than that fame fowre-fawe'd Whipping- chear \ 
 Far better here thou malt be fed, 
 Than with hard Crafts of dry brown Bread \ 
 Soivre Milk, fait Butter, and hard Cheefe : 
 No, thou {halt feed, infiead of thefe, 
 Or your fip-fap of Curds and Whey, 
 On Neflar and Ambrofia. 
 And, if thou'lt do as thou fhouldft do, 
 Shalt fee the Conjiellation too • 
 Shine brighter and in higher Place, 
 Than all the reft the Sky that grace. 
 
 Gan. Ay, but when I've a mind to play, 
 What Playfellows are here, I pray ? 
 For ev'ry Day (excepting Friday) 
 I'd Playfellows ding-dong on Ida. 
 
 Jup. Why Cupid (hali attend thy Call, 
 To play at Cat, or Trap, or Ball, 
 
1S4 Burlefque upon Eurlefque ; Or y 
 
 Duft-potnty Span-counter, Skittle-pins, 
 And thou no more lhalt play for Pins : 
 But have a care, the little Guts 
 Will be too hard for thee at Butts. 
 Thou'ft have thy Belly full of Sport, 
 I give thee here my Promife for't, 
 And brave Sport too ; but then (I trow) 
 Thou muft forget the Things below. 
 
 Gan. Well, but thou haft not told me yet 
 What I muft do to earn my Meat T 
 Haft thou here any Flocks of Sheep 
 To fend me out a-Days to keep 
 
 J up. No, thou a Life malt have much fairer i 
 Thou to the Gods (halt be Cup-bearer, 
 And pureft Neflar to them fill, 
 WhiJft at th§ir merry Feafts they fwill. 
 
 Gan. Is that fame Neflar which they drink 
 Better than Red-Ccnvs Milk, doft think I 
 
 J up. Thou'dft ne'er drink other whilft Life lafted, 
 Hadlt thou but once that Liquor tafted. 
 
 Gan. But then where muft I lie a nights? 
 For I am monftrous 'fraid of Sprights ; 
 I hope, in hot and in cold Weather, 
 Cupid and I muft lie together. 
 
 Jup. No (Sirrah) thou fhalt lie with me, 
 For therefore did I fpirit thee. 
 
 Gan. Why art not thou, poor little one*. 
 Old enough yet to lie alone ? 
 
 Jup. Yes ; but there is a certain Joy 
 In lying with a pretty Boy. 
 
 Gan. A pretty Boy ! that's better yet. 
 What's Beauty when one cannot fee't ; 
 When one is fatt afleep (I wis) 
 
 One little cares for Prettinefs. Jup 
 
Vie Scoffer feoff* d. 1S5 
 
 J up. That's true ; but Dreams proceed from it, 
 Which are fo tickling and fo fweet. 
 
 Gan+ But when I pig'd with my own ZW, 
 I us'd to make him hopping mad ; 
 Who, as he lay a- Bed, would grumble, 
 That I did nought but tofs and tumble, 
 Talk in my Sleep, and paw't, and kick 
 His Sides and Paunch fo hard and thick, 
 He could not fleep one Wink all Night : 
 For which, fo foon as e'er 'twas light, 
 He pack'd me to my Mother duly. 
 Seeing then in Bed I'm fo unruly, 
 If thou didft only bring me hither 
 That thou and I may lie together, 
 Thou may'ft e'en fet me down again, 
 For I fhall certain be thy Bane. 
 
 Jup. Why, kick thy worft, my little Brat, 
 I like thee ne'er the worfe for that : 
 'Tis better far than lying frill. 
 But I can kifs thee there my Fill. 
 
 Gan. Why each one as he likes (you know) 
 QuftW good Man when he kifs*d his Cjow ; 
 You may do what you will, but I 
 Shall fleep the while moil certainly. 
 
 Jup. Well, well ! For that as Time mall try ; 
 In the mean time, you, Mercury, 
 Here take and make my pretty Page 
 Drink the immortal Beverage, 
 That after I may him prefer 
 To be my chiefeJl Cup-bearer : 
 But ere to wait you bring him up 
 Firfl teach him to prefent the Cup. 
 
 D I A- 
 
I g 6 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; Or, 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Juno and Jupiter. 
 
 Jm. TJITH Y, what a ftrange Life doft thou lead ! 
 
 * Since thou haft got this Ganymede, 
 I, who have been thy faithful Wife, 
 Can't get a Kifs, to fave my Life ; 
 But thou doft look fo ftrangely on me, 
 As if till now thou ne'er hadft known me. 
 
 J up. What will not, Wife, thy jealous Pate, 
 To vex thyfelf and me, create ? 
 Was fuch a Jealoufy e'er known 
 To that degree of Frenzy grown, 
 As to run fuppofition-mad 
 Of a poor filly harmlefs Lad! 
 I thought none but the Female Kind 
 Could raife fuch Whimfie? in thy Mind. 
 
 Ju. Nay, faith, thou'rt ex'lent at both Trades, 
 Both at thine Ingles, and thy Jades. 
 And all my Gliding's to no end * 
 I think thou art too old to mend ; 
 Elfe, rnaugre thy bad Inclination, 
 Thou'dft tender more thy Reputation. 
 Does't fit the King of Gods, I pray, 
 To mafquerade it ev'ry Day, 
 And to transform himfelf one while 
 To Gold, a Virgin to beguile ; 
 
 Another 
 
rhe Scoffer feoff' d. 
 
 Another while into a Bull, 
 
 To make another Maid a Trull ; 
 
 And then into a S<wan f to try 
 
 The treading Way of Lechery ; 
 
 And to put on all thefe ftrange Shapes, 
 
 In order to adult'rous Rapes ? 
 
 And yet for all thy Pranks on Earth, 
 
 (Unfitting far thy Place and Birth) 
 
 Thou hitherto haft ever yet 
 
 Had either fo much Grace or Wit/ 
 
 Manners, or Shame, or all together, 
 
 As not to bring thy Trollops hither, 
 
 As thou haft done this Dandiprat 
 
 For all the Gods to titter at : 
 
 And all under Pretence, the Youth 
 
 Muft be your Cup-bearer forfooth ; 
 
 As all the Gods inhabit here 
 
 Unworthy of the Office were ; 
 
 As if my Daughter Hebe was, 
 
 Or V ulcan weary of the Place ; 
 
 Or any of the Gods, indeed, 
 
 Might not perform it for a Need. 
 
 And then, which more does vex me ftill, 
 
 He never does the Goblet fill. 
 
 And ready with it waiting ftand, 
 
 But, ere thou tak'ft it at his Hand, 
 
 Thou fairft a killing him 'fore all 
 
 The Gods in the Olympick-Hall; 
 
 Which thou doft too with fo much Paflion, 
 
 And after fuch immodeft Fafhion, 
 
 That the Boy's Rifles, one would think, 
 
 Were fweeter than the Heavenly Drink, 
 
i88 Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Or y 
 
 Nay, thou full oft for Drink doft call, 
 When trTalt. no Liit to drink at all, 
 No more than thou hadft need to pifs, 
 Only a mere Pretence to kifs. 
 Sometime thou mak'ft him drink to thee, 
 A kind of flavoring Letchery, 
 OF which the Meaning's only this, 
 To place thy Mouth where he did his, 
 Which ravilhes thee, whilft thou think'ft, 
 Thou kitten all the while thou drink'ft. 
 'Twas a fine Sight laft Day to fee 
 Thy little Catamite and thee 
 Playing at Nine-pegs with fuch Heat, 
 That mighty Jupiter did fweat 
 In Querpo, to th' Beholders Wonder, 
 Divefted of his Shield and Thunder ; 
 I both know all thy Pranks and thee, 
 Think not to make a Fool of me. 
 
 J up. He> ! whirr ! I think our Damis grown v^ild 
 What Harm's in kiffing a fine Child, 
 And adding that Delight to NeSlar, 
 That I muft have this Curtain LeSlure ? 
 If thou but tailed hadft the BLffes 
 Are wrap'd up in his lufcious Kiffes, 
 Thou wouldft be of another M nd, 
 And not reproach me in this kind. 
 
 Jun. I thought that I fho ■ 1 ^ap thee foon : 
 Thou now fpeak'ft perfect, Bougeroon. 
 I mould have little Wit (I trow) 
 And very little Virtue too, 
 Should I defile my Lips fo much, 
 As fuch a Urchin once to touch, 
 
 J up. 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d, tt$ 
 
 J up. That Urchin thou doft fo defpife, 
 
 And fpeak'ft of in fuch taunting wife, 
 
 Pleafes me more (my haughty Dame) 
 
 Than fome Body I will not name. 
 
 Urge me not to't, thou wer't not bell, 
 
 And ceafe my Pleafure to conteft. 
 Jun. Not I, I fliall not be fo rafli : 
 
 No, prithee, marry thy Bardach 
 
 To fpight me worfe. Go hug thy Chit $ 
 
 But yet withal do not forget 
 
 How thou doft ufe me on the Score 
 
 Of this thy little ftripling Whore* 
 Jup. I know what 'tis, thoud'ft have thy Cripple 
 
 Wait here, and fill me out my Tipple, 
 
 When he comes with his dirty Golls 
 
 From raking up his fmutty Coals, 
 
 Sweating and ftinking from his Forge f 
 
 Snough to make one to difgorge ; 
 
 W in this cleanly Plight, I know, 
 
 Thou fain wouldft have me kifs him too 4 
 
 Vn when he does fo nafty feem, 
 Ijrhatthou, his Mother, keck'ft at hinu 
 
 t would be wifely done (no doubt 
 
 'or fuch a foul unfeemly Lout 
 ; "0 put away my Ganymede, 
 
 0 fweet a Boy, fo finely bred, 
 
 f Hid (which thy Mind does more mold! 
 
 1 hundred times than all the reft) 
 I Vhofe every delicious Kifs 
 
 > i fweeter far than NeSar is. 
 
 \ Jun, Ay, ay, my Son thou doft abhor, 
 
 [ I ow thou haft this trim Servitor ; 
 
 ! 
 
 But 
 
i $o Burlefque upon. Burlefque \ 0t\ 
 
 But, till thou had'ft this Skip-Jack got, 
 With Vulcan thou didH find no Fault. 
 And all his Collow, and his Soot, 
 His Dirt, and Sweat, and Stink to boot, 
 Not hinder'd, but thou took'ft delight 
 Both in his Service and his Sight. 
 
 Jup. Thou dreadful Scold, thy Din furceafe^ 
 And if (thou canft) once hold thy Peace, 
 Thy Jealoufy does but improve 
 My Indignation and my Love. 
 Let Vulcan ferve thee as he did, 
 If thou diflikeft Ganymede : 
 But hang me if I drink a Sup, - 
 Unlefs my Boy prefent the Cup. 
 Nay, at each Draught, I'll tell thee more, 
 He'll give me Kifles half a Score. 
 Come, come, my pretty Favourite, 
 Do not thou whimper for her Spite : 
 Let who dares vex my Boy, thou' ft fee, 
 I'll order 'em, I warrant thee. 
 
*Tbe Scoffer feoff* d. 191 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Juno and Jupiter. 
 
 'un. XT O W, Jupiter, that none is near us, 
 
 To hearken or to over-hear us, 
 ell me, I prithee, and be clear, 
 Yhat think' ft thou of this Ixion here ? 
 J up. Why, I think Ixion (Wife) true blue, 
 n honeft Man as e'er I knew ; 
 flurdy Piece of Flefh, and proper, 
 merry Grig, and a true Toper. 
 or had I, but I thought him fo, 
 [ade fo much on him as I do ; 
 either, but that 1 underftood 
 is Company was very good, 
 i ad I (be fure) been fo affable 
 s to admit him to my Table 
 Jun. See, fee how one may be deceiv'd ! 
 'is odds I mall not be believ'd : 
 it Ixion is (without Offence) 
 he fawcy'ft Piece of Infolence 
 bat ever came within thy Doors, 
 nd fitter Mate for Rogues and Whores, 
 if much, than [Jupiter) for thee, 
 " any of thy Family. 
 
 ty 5 fitter, for his * former Pranks * Becau/e 
 
 J well as thefe, the Hang man's Thanks, he killed 
 I 2 bis Fat be r*in law* 
 
19 2 Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Or, 
 
 As he now handled has the Matter, 
 Than put his Spoon into thy Platter. 
 Yet thou may'ft entertain him ftill, 
 Only to gormandize and fwill : 
 But, for my part, I'll ne'er endure him, 
 Nor mall he ftay here, I'll affure him. 
 
 Juf, What has he done to move thee thus ; 
 Come, prithee, now be ferious, 
 And tell me true, nay, quickly do it, 
 For I am refolute to know it. 
 
 Jun. What has he done ! why 'tis fo wicked, 
 That truly I'm amam'd to fpeak it. 
 
 Jup. What, with fome Goddefs he'd have bin 
 Playing, belike, at In-and-in, 
 And would be at the Rutting-fport ? 
 For fo thy Words feem to import. 
 
 Jun. Well, and doll thou conceive that fit, 
 That thou doft make fo light of it ? 
 Is that no Fault ? Nay, could he 
 A Crime more capital commit ? 
 That's it indeed, th'aft hit upon't ; 
 And greater ftill to make th' Affront, 
 No Body elfe could ferve the Youth, 
 But even I myfelf, forfooth. 
 I did not heed his Love at firft, 
 Not dreaming that the Rafcal durft 
 Have aim'd at me ; but at the laft, 
 Obferving what Sheeps-eyes he caft, 
 What Sighs he fetch'd, how now and then 
 He wept, and figh'd, and wept agen, 
 Drank after me and then would leer, 
 And kifs the Cup ; I then faw clear, 
 
 Though 
 
The Scoffer feoff d 9 
 Though ne'er before 1 did fufpecl it, 
 His Folly was to me directed. 
 Yet ftill I thought, Time would blow over 
 This Humour of my fawcy Lover ; 
 Wherefore (tho' vex'd) I thus long drove it 
 Aftiam'd, I fwear, to tell thee of it ; 
 Till now at laft the fawcy Afs 
 Has put on fuch a brazen Face, 
 As, without all Refpedt, to be 
 So bold as to folicit me. 
 But now to fpeak 'tis more than Time, 
 When to conceal it were a Crime : 
 And therefore, flying from his Tears, 
 And flopping with both Hands both Ears, 
 
 ; From being guilty Auditors 
 Of what iny Virtue fo abhors, 
 1 ftrait came running unto thee 
 Faft as my Legs would carry me, 
 To tell thee how this Goat, this Satyr, 
 This Rogue, this Slave, this Fornicator, 
 Whom thou haft entertained and fed, 
 Attempts the Honour of thy Bed, 
 
 I iTo th* end thou may'ft the Whelp chaftife 
 In juft and exemplary wife. 
 
 i Jup. This 16 a daring Rogue, I fwear, 
 Tattempt to cuckold Jupiter ! 
 
 I It was the Neclar in his Pate, 
 That did this Infolence create : 
 
 iBut I myfelf, I mult confefb, 
 
 [Am Caufe of thefe iViii carriages, 
 
 Y}y over-loving Mortals fo 
 Extravagantly as J do, 
 
 I 3 
 
194 Burlefque upon Burlefque $ Or, 
 
 And by permitting them to be 
 
 Over-familiar and too free 
 
 "With my Divinity and me, 
 
 He elfe had ne'er attempted Thee. 
 
 For 'tis no Wonder, when they eat 
 
 The very fame provoking Meat, 
 
 And Liquor drink, the Blood that fires, 
 
 If they have then the fame Defires, 
 
 And, quite forgetting then their Duties,. 
 
 Are fmitten with immortal Beauties* 
 
 Befides, thou knovv'lt, as well as I, 
 
 So much of Cupid's Tyranny, 
 
 So great, no Tyrant here above is 
 
 Near, as that little Baftard Love is. 
 
 Jun. He Mafter is of thee indeed, 
 And thee by the Nofe does lead^ 
 (As the old Saying is) and makes 
 Thee play a thoufand fenfelefs Freaks f 
 But come, I faith, I faith, I know 
 What makes thee pity lxton fo : 
 To pardon him thou art inclin'd, 
 'Caufe he but pays thee in thy kind : 
 Time was thou his Wife didffc dimonour $ 
 And gatt'fl Pirithom upon her. 
 
 Jup. Fie, will that never be forgot ? 
 Come, I'll acquaint thee with my Plot. 
 Jt would to banifli him appear 
 A Sentence fomewhat too fevere : 
 His being o'er Head and Ears in love, 
 Does ([ confefs) my Pity move. 
 Since therefore he's fo woe begun, 
 So fighs, and cries, and fo takes on, 
 
 I 
 
The Scoffer fccff'd. 195 
 
 I tell thee plain, I do proteit, 
 Things being thus, I think it bell 
 
 Jun. What that I lie with him, I warrant! 
 
 Jup. Doft think I am a Sot fo errant ? 
 No, I'm not fo kind to him neither ; 
 I prithee hold thy Legs together : 
 That's more than will be well allow'd. 
 But I will dizen him a Cloud 
 So like to thee, as mall perfuade him 
 He has made me, what I have made him, 
 And that in pure Commiferation, 
 In Part to fatisfy his PalTion. 
 
 Jun. Why, this will be for to reward him, 
 For what thou moukTft at leaft difcard hinu 
 
 Jup. But fpeak in pure Sincerity, 
 What Harm will this do thee or me ? 
 
 Jun. Why, he will think it me, that's fiat, 
 Then I mall pafs for I know what. 
 
 Jup. No matter what's by him believ'd, 
 'Tis only he will be deceiv'd ; 
 And if a Cloud like Thee I make, 
 No Juno, 'tis but a Miltake, 
 And he by this, my pretty Cheat, 
 A Race of Centaurs mail beget, 
 
 Jun. But if (as now-a days thou know'it, 
 Men are too apt to make their Boall) 
 This Rogue fo foon as he has done, 
 As they all do, mould ibaightway run, 
 And publim to the World, that he 
 Has had his filthy Will of me : 
 Pray, after fuch a fine Oration, 
 Where then were Juno's Reputation ? 
 
 I 4 Jupl 
 
jj$6 Burlefque upon Burlefque Or 5 
 
 Jup. Should he do fuch a Thing as that, 
 
 I'd teach the Rafcal how to prate ; 
 And, if' he needs muft kifs and tell, 
 I'll kick him headlong into Hell, 
 Where to a Wheel he fhali be bound, 
 And, Y\kezMill-horfe 9 flill turn round, 
 And never have ar Moment's Reft, 
 Nor thence mall ever be released. 
 
 Jun. If he do prove fo damn'd a Dog, 
 'Twill be but juftice on the Rogue. 
 
 D I A L O G U 
 
 Vulcan and Apollo, 
 
 J/>. Ood fpeed, of Fire thcu footy Ki»g 9 
 
 I ever hear thy Anvil ring ; 
 Thy Smoak Hill mounts from Mt?ia hill 
 I think thy Bellows ne'er lie dill : 
 Surely it coils thee much in Leathers, 
 For thou doft blow and ftrike all Weathers. 
 
 Vulc. Good-den, Apollo, and well met, 
 Hall feen the little Mercery yet, 
 How fine a Child, how fweet a Face, 
 And what a fniiling Counfnance 't has ? 
 Which plainly does (meihinks) prefage 
 Something when he mall come to Age, 
 
T&e Scoffer feoff* d, 
 That is extraordinary and great, 
 Tho' he is but an Infant yet. 
 
 Apollo. A pretty Infant, qucftionlefs \ 
 Old Japhet\ Sire in Wicked nefs. 
 
 Vulc. What Harm can he have done, I trow, 
 That came into the World but now ? 
 
 Apollo. Go, and ask Neptune that, I pray, 
 Whofe Trident he hath ftole away. 
 Or Mars, that Queftion can decide, 
 Whofe Sword he pilferM from his Side ; 
 To whom myfelf I too could join, 
 ' 'Whofe Bow and S bafts he did purloin. 
 I S Vulc, What fuch a nazardly Pigwiggen^ 
 A little Hang firings m 2l Biggin ? 
 Away, away, Apollo flouts ! 
 What a Filou in Swathing- clouts ? 
 , Apollo. Well think fo ; but if this Filou 
 Zomt here, thou'lt fee what he can do. 
 
 Vulc. H'as been already here To-day. 
 
 Apollo. Well, and is nothing miffing, pray ? 
 I Vulc. Not that I know of. 
 
 Apollo. That may be ; 
 
 3ut prithee look about and fee. 
 
 Vulc. I cannot fee my Pincers tho*. 
 
 Apollo. O cry you Mercy, can't you fo ? 
 there's one Call of his Office now. 
 «Iow dare I venture twenty Pound 
 liey'll be amongft his Trinkets found, 
 
 Vulc. Faith, and allure thyfelf 1*11 try ; 
 s the young Thief indeed fo fly ? 
 jch lucky Chucks there's fo great need on, 
 /e'll keep this hopeful Youth to breed on. 
 
 A 
 
198 Burlefque upon Burlefque Or, 
 
 A precious Pepin, and a trim, 
 A right Archhird, I'll warrant him. 
 An Infant quotha! marry hang him, 
 If he were mine, I would fo bang him. 
 What, were my Tongs fo hot, I trow» 
 To ftick to your fmall Fingers fo ? 
 I'll make a Burn- mark with a 7T> 
 To fi ft you with, Sir Mercury. 
 But I'm aftonifh'd at the Lad, 
 How he fo foon could learn his- Trade ; 
 He learnt (to be a Rogue fo pure) 
 To fteal in's Mother's Belly fure. 
 
 Apollo. Theie are his Recreations, thcfe £ 
 But he has other Qualities* 
 Mark but that nimble Tongue of his, 
 What a pert prating Urchin 'tis : 
 His Mouth will one Day be a Spout 
 Of Eloquence, without all doubt : 
 He'll be an Orator, I warrant, 
 And, if he be not, let me hear on't ; 
 And a prime Wreftler as e'er tript, 
 E'er gave the Comifo hug, or hipt \ 
 Or I am much mifiaken in him ; 
 And any one would iay't had feen him : 
 For he already has at firft 
 Put Mtrfieur Cupid, to the worft, 
 And gave him fuch a dreadful Fall, 
 I thought had broke his Bones withal, 
 In troth I ne'er faw fuch another, 
 But Love went puling to his Mother ; 
 Which as the Gods were laughing at, 
 Ahd Venus tt.ent to moan her Brat, 
 
rbe Scoffer feoff* J. 
 
 Whilft.fhe was kiffing the fmall Archer , 
 And drying's Tears with Lawn-handkercher, 
 In comes that crafty Youth, and fly, 
 That little filching Mercury y 
 And in a Twinkling (I proteft) 
 Whips me away her am'rous Ceji ; 
 . Nay, and Jove** Thunder too had got, 
 v But 'twas too heavy and too hot ; 
 Bat yet his Scepter went to pot. 
 
 Vulc. By Jupiter a hardy Youth ! 
 
 Jpol. Nay he's a Minjlrel too. 
 
 yule. In truth ! 
 
 ApoL Yes, faith, a better never plaid j 
 Nay, and the little Rogue has made 
 A Fiddle of a Tortoife-Jhell, 
 On which he plays fo rarely well, 
 That he puts fair to put down me, 
 Who am the God of Harmony. 
 His Mother's troubled at his Ways, 
 He never fleeps a-nights, me fays ; 
 But goes, for all that, me can fay, • 
 As far as Hell to feek for Prey ; 
 And he has got, by Sleight of Hand, 
 A moll incomparable Wand, 
 Of fo Urange Virtue, that 'tis faid, 
 It with a Waft does raife the Dead, 
 And both the Dead from Death can fave, 
 - And fend the Living to the Grave. 
 
 Vulc. Nay, nay, of that I muft acquit hi 
 For I to play withal did gi't him. 
 
 Apol That's well, and he in recompence 
 Has ftol'n away thy. Pincers hence. 
 
 I 6 
 
200 Burlefque upon Burlefqiie Or, 
 
 Vuk* S'nigs, well remember'd ! Til be gone 
 To fearch his Corners for my own : 
 And if I ficd 'em in his Cradle, 
 Take it from me, his Sides I'll fwaddle. 
 
 DIALOG U E 
 
 rule 
 
 Vulcan and Jupiter. 
 
 TTEre, I have brought thee home a Batcbfc 
 * If any Smith for Temper match it, 
 
 Or Edge, Til fay no more buffo, 
 V\\ ne'er flrike Stroke more whihl I blow. 
 And now 'as here new from the Smithy, 
 What mult we do with it, I prithee ? 
 
 J uf. Why cleave my aking Head with it. 
 
 Vulc. How, cleave thy Head ! the Dil a bit, 
 Thou fay'ft fo but to try my Wit. 
 But tell me me quickly, prithee do, 
 What Ufe thou'lt have it put unto ? 
 For I SoTs Coach-horfes mufl fhoe. 
 
 J up. Why, for to cleave my Head in two. 
 I am in earneft ; therefore do it, 
 Or (thou lame Rafcal) thou fhalt rue it J 
 And, if thou be'fl fo Ihy of mine, 
 Beware that great Calves- head of thine : 
 Fear not, but flrike with might and main, 
 Fcr my Scalp fplits with very Pain, 
 
<the Scoffer feoff v d. 
 
 And I do fuffer all the Throes, 
 A Woman in her Labour does. 
 
 Vulc. In Labour quotha ! 't may be fo : 
 But let's conirder what we do ; 
 For I'm afraid I hardly fhou'd 
 Lay thee as Dame Lucina wou'd. 
 
 Jup. Wilt* thou leave Prating (Sirrah) once, 
 Left I make bold with thy wife Sconce : 
 Do thou but ftrike courageoufly, 
 And home, and leave the reft to me-. 
 
 Vulc. Why, Jupiter, if thee I kill, 
 Bear witnefs 'tis againft my Will : 
 There is no Help, I muftobey, 
 Have at thy Coxcomb then I fay ; 
 For with this Butchers Blow of mine 
 Til cleave thee down unto the Chine. 
 Good Gods ! no Wonder if thy Brains 
 Suffer'd intolerable Pains, 
 When fuch a lufty trapping Trull 
 As this lay kicking in thy Skull ; 
 Nay, and an Amazon to boot, 
 Which, though not arm'd from Head to Foot, 
 Is furnifiVd yet to take the Field, 
 And has both Helmet, Launce, and Shield^ 
 'Twas breeding that brave Lafs, belike, 
 Made thee fo crofs and cholerick, 
 And yet the Girl (I vow and fvvear) 
 h moft incomparably fair : 
 Prithee, for having laid thee well, 
 Give me her for my Dowfabel ; 
 For, though new-born, the Wench is able, 
 And I'll uphold her marriageable. 
 
202 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; Or, 
 
 Jup. With all my Heart, I give her free ; 
 But thou'lt ne'er make her marry thee : 
 For me will never be a Wife, 
 But live a Virgin all her Life. 
 Therefore ne'er offer to perfuade her % 
 For thou art fure to lofe thy Labour, 
 
 Vnk. Well, well, for that let me alone $ 
 I'll make her coming, ten to one ; 
 I have been in my Days a Blade 
 At winning of a pretty Maid, 
 And can bring this to my Command, 
 As eajily as kifs my Hand, 
 Provided I have thy Confent. 
 
 Jap. Why thou mayft try, but thou'lt repent. 
 
 D I A L O G U 
 
 Neptune and Mercury. 
 
 Nept. TT Ark, Ccufin Mercury, do'fl hear, 
 
 Could not one fpeak with Jupiter ? 
 
 Mere, No, fave thy Labour and be gone, 
 He's bufy and will fpeak with none. 
 
 Nept. But prithee, let him know 'tis I. 
 
 Merc. I tell thee, he'll fee no Body, 
 And therefore, prithee, go thy way ; 
 For he'll be feen of none To- Day. 
 
 Nept. Are he and's Wife, if one may axe, 
 staking the Beajl <with the two Backs P 
 
The Scoffer feoff' d. £03 
 
 Merc. Could'fl: thou no other Queltion find X 
 They two but feldom are fo kind. 
 
 Nept, Then Ganymede and he're together. 
 
 Merc. No truly, Seignior Neptune, neither. 
 
 Nept. What then ? I'll know fpite of thy Nofe* 
 
 Merc. You'll ask me leave firft, I fuppofe. 
 But he's not well, will that fuffice ? 
 
 Nept. Not well ! where is it his Grief lies ? 
 
 Merc. Why, I'm afham'd to tell thee where. 
 
 Nept. What a * Relation fo near ! * Brother 
 
 Leave Fooling (Coz.) I prithee, now, to Jupiter* 
 
 And tell me r for I long to knew. 
 
 Merc. Why, fince I fee, thou'lt not be fed, 
 Know, that he's lately brought to Bed. 
 
 Nept. How ! that is monftrous by this Light ! 
 What is he an Hermaphrodite ? 
 I ne'er perceiv'd his Belly rife 
 Above the ordinary Size. 
 
 Merc. That's likely ; neither, I muft tell yc 
 Was he deliver'd from his Belly. 
 
 Nept. From what Part then ? Was't from his Head, 
 As when he his Minerva bred ? 
 Is that deliver'd once again ? 
 He has a wond'rous fruitful Brain. 
 
 Merc. No, this Birth ifTu'd from his Thigh. 
 
 Nept. (jo, Sirrah, now I know you lye. 
 What would'ft thou have me fuch a Noddy, 
 To think he fpawns all o'er his Body. 
 
 Merc. Well, but there is more in'tthan fo, 
 And thou the Truth of all malt know. 
 Juno, whofe fpiteful Jealoufy 
 Thou know'it, I'm fure, as well as l > 
 
2*04 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; Or, 
 
 In Malice, Semele perfuades 
 (One of his beft beloved Jades) 
 Since Jupiter did her fo honour, 
 As Children to beget upon her ; 
 She fo much Kindnefs had for her> 
 That fhe no longer mould incur 
 A Common Lemman's Imputation : 
 But, for her better Reputation, 
 No more with him in private lie : 
 But make him own her publickly. 
 Therefore, my Semele (quoth fhe) 
 Prithee, . for once be rul'd by me, 
 And, if he have true Kindnefs for ye, 
 Make him come next in all his Glory ; 
 Not fneaking in a mean Difguife, 
 Like Rogues, to midnight Letchieries : 
 But like himfelf rob'd round With Wonder, 
 And with his Lightning and his Thunder ; 
 So all will honour and adore thee, 
 \yho now defpjfe thee, and abhor thee. 
 * The Girl, thus tickled in her Ear, 
 And proud herfelf as Lucifer , 
 So order' d it with this great King, 
 Whom Whores can make do any Thing, 
 That hfc came next in this Attire : 
 Bat then, before he could come nigh her, 
 His Lightning fet the Room on fire, 
 And, with its all-confuming Flafhes, 
 Reduc'd the Room and Houfe to Ames. 
 Jn which Cafe, all that we could do 
 Was but to fave the Embryo : 
 (For fhe was then with Child, be't known, 
 jBy Jupiter, and fev'n Months gone) 
 
The Scoffer feoff' d. 2 Oj 
 
 Which, ripping from her Belly, 'I 
 Put warm into thy Brother's Thigh, 
 There to compleat the Term requir r d ; 
 Which being but jail now expir'd, 
 He's brought to Bed y and Truth to fpeak, 
 With his hard Labour very weak. 
 
 Nept. And where is this fame twice-born Chit \ 
 
 Merc. To Nyfa I have carry'd it, 
 By the Nymphs there to be brought up, 
 Who know'ng he will be giv'n to th' Cup 9 
 And in hard Drinking very vicious, 
 Have aptly nam'd him * Dionyjius. * Alovwot* 
 
 -Nept. Then of this Child he's Syre and Da?n> 
 
 I And it may call him Dad and Mam P 
 Merc. Yes truly, it is even fo, 
 He any of thefe may anfwer to : 
 But I can't flay to tell thee more ; 
 For I mould have been gone before, 
 And in this Stay have done amifs 
 To prate at fuch a Time as this. 
 I now mufl ufe both Heels and Wings, 
 Water to fetch and other Things 
 For Child bed women, and had need 
 Repair my Negligence with Speed : 
 All the good Wives elfe will me blame, 
 For now I the Man midwife am. t 
 
 B I A- 
 
2o6 Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Or y 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Mercury and the Sun. 
 
 Merc. r^fOve (Sol) commands thee by me here 
 
 J To flop thy Steeds in their Career ; 
 For the full Space of three whole Days 
 He will not have thee fhine, he fays : 
 But thou art to conceal thy Light, 
 For he will have that Term all Night. 
 Therefore I think, So/, thy bell: Courfe is, 
 To let the Hours unteam thy Horfes, 
 Get a good Night-Cap on thy Head, 
 Put out thy Torch, and go to Bed. 
 
 Sol. 'Tis an extravagant Command, 
 And that I do not underlland. 
 What have I done, I fain would know, 
 That Jupiter mould ufe me fo ? 
 What Fault committed in my Place 
 To pull upon me this Difgrace ? 
 Have I not ever kept my Horfes 
 In the Precincts of their due Courfes ; 
 Or though twelve Inns are in my Way, 
 Did I e'er drink, or flop, or ftay ? 
 Bear witnefs all the Gods in Heav'n, 
 If I've not duly Morn, and Even, 
 Rofen, and fet, and care did take 
 To keep touch with the Almanack. 
 
The Scoffer fcoff'd. 
 
 What then my Fault is, I confefs, 
 
 If I mould die, I cannot guefs : 
 
 And why he fhould, much lefs I know, 
 
 Sufpend me ab officio. 
 
 It fure muft be a great Offence 
 
 Deferves the worft of Punifhments, 
 
 As this is he on me doth lay, 
 
 That Night mull triumph over Day. 
 
 Merc. Fie, what a Clutter dofl thou make, 
 And all about a mere Miftake ? 
 Thou talk'ft of Anger and Difgrace, 
 There's no fuch Matter in the Cafe. 
 Thou wide art of his Meaning quite, 
 He bids thee to withdraw thy Light, 
 That for three Days it may not fhine 
 In order to a great Befign 
 He has, that won't endure the Sun, 
 But is by Owl-light to be done. 
 
 Sol. Faith, tell me that Defign of his, 
 What he's about, and where he is. 
 
 Merc. I'll tell thee, if thou needs wilt know, 
 He*s cuckolding Amphytrio. 
 
 Sol. 'Tis very fine ! and wo'n't one Night 
 Take the Edge off his Appetite ? 
 Cannot one Night give him enough ? 
 Is the old Letcher ft ill fo tough, 
 A Swing-bow of fo high Renown, 
 A Wench can't fooner take him down ? 
 
 Merc. No, but he means to get of her 
 A very mighty Man of War, 
 Of Heart moll ftout, and Limbs mod vaflv 
 Which is not to be done in haft ; 
 
2oS Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Or, 
 
 But of another kind of Fafhion, 
 Than ev'ry common Generation. 
 
 Sol. Why, let him lay about him then 
 To finifh this great Man of Men . 
 But let me tell thee, thefe ftrange Ways 
 Were not in ufe in Saturn 's Days* 
 He never left Rhea in his Life 
 To letcher with another's Wife : 
 But for one Whore now (which is fcurvy) 
 All Things mult turn'd be topjy-turvy. 
 In the mean Time 'tis ten to one 
 My Horfes will be rejly grown 
 For want of Ufe, and Thorns, I know, 
 In my Career will fpring and grow ; 
 And Mankind muft in Darknefs languifli, 
 Whilft he his bawdy Launce does brandifh*. 
 And flews himfelf in his own Greafe, 
 To get this admirable Piece. 
 
 Merc. Peace, Peace, Friend Sol, no more of that, 
 Left he do teach thee how to prate. 
 In the mean Time I muft be gone 
 With the fame Meffage to the Moon, 
 To keep within, and veil her Face, 
 As many Nights, as thou dofl Days* 
 My lafl Commiflion: is, to Sleep 
 That Mortal's Eyes he fo long keep 
 SeaPd up in Reft, and all the while 
 Feed them with Dreams, Time to beguile, 
 That when thy Light unfeals their Eye?,.. 
 ( And then it will be Time to rife) 
 They may, when that Day does begin, 
 Not know how long a Night 't has been. 
 
The Scoffer fcoff'J. zoS 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Venus and the Moon. 
 
 r en. EH me, my pale-complexion'd Lafs, 
 
 Bright Cynthia, how comes this to pafs, 
 
 "hat thou'rt accus'd of Things, I fvvear, 
 
 'm forry and alham'd to hear ? / 
 
 t is reported ev'ry-where, V 
 
 "hat thou, in midft of thy Career* I 
 
 "hy Chariot often flop*!!:, and there, J 
 
 Which is a piece of Impudence) 
 [Under a pitiful Pretence, 
 * )f making Water, fteal'ft i W Night 
 
 ]" a Hunter, that Endymion hight, 
 
 ^here (little to thy Praife be it fpoken) 
 
 lis Vifage thou do'ft gaze and look on 
 
 Which none but your light Hufvvives do) 
 
 Is thou wouldft look him through, and through j 
 
 Vhilft he, not dreaming of thy Folly, 
 
 nes gaping like a great Lob-lolly, 
 . )n Carian Latmns loudly fn oaring, 
 
 nfenfible of thy Amoring. 
 
 Jay, if the lumpifh Boy fhould wake, 
 
 liy Kifles he'd not kindly take \ 
 
 tor would he underfland thy Paffion 
 
 it all to be an Obligation. Luna* 
 
2 io BurJefque upon Burlefque ; Or, 
 
 Luna. Why 'tis that Ne'er-be-good, thy Son, 
 Has made me do what I have done. 
 
 Venus. Ay ! hang him little Gallow-flrings, 
 He does a thoufand of thefe Things. 
 And well may do it to another, 
 That fpares not me who am his Mother. 
 He fet me fo upon the By-day, 
 As made me oft defcend on Ida ; 
 To get Anchifes, young and able, 
 Make me a Handle to my Ladle, 
 And to Mount Lybanus t* Adonis 
 {Who, Reft go "with him, dead and gone is.} 
 But then the Boy was wholly mine, 
 Till Hole away by Proferpine, 
 Who, to fpeak plain, and not to lye, 
 Had a fweet Tooth as well as I j 
 And kept him for her Drudgery. 
 'Tilf feeing me to weep and mourn, 
 She fent him me fometimes in turn ; 
 For which his Pranks, I'll tell thee what, 
 I threaten'd ha ve the gracelefs Brat 
 A hundred Times at leall, I know, 
 To break his Quiver and his Bow, 
 To clip his Wings, and PJay debar him, 
 And every Thing I thought would fcare him ; 
 Nay, but laft Day, I tell thee true, 
 1 plainly took the Youth to do, 
 And with one of my Shoes with Claps, 
 Whip'd me the roguy "Jack- an- apes, 
 Until I had almoft fetch'd Blood ; 
 But all I fee will do no good : 
 He quickly has forgot the Pain, 
 And does the fame thing o'er again, 
 
f TBe Scoffer ft off* d. 2 1 1 
 
 id fo he will do ftill, but tell though, 
 
 thy Sweet-heart a pretty Fellow ? 
 
 >r if he's handfome, or have Wit, 
 
 lere is in that fome Comfort yet. 
 
 Luna. Thou know'ft no Loves do foul appear : 
 
 it it is true, I can't forbear 
 
 aringand gazing irr his Face, 
 
 hen coming weary from the Chace, 
 
 is Mantle he on Ground does fpread, 
 
 nd falls afleep leaning his Head 
 
 a his right Arm, which does embrace, 
 
 :ing twin'd about his Head, and Face* 
 
 'hilft from his left his Arrow all 
 
 0 dropping negligently fall. 
 
 hen ftealing, and on Tip- toe too, 
 s Folks to make lefs Noife ftill do, 
 >r Fear of waking him ; I there 
 rceive his Breath perfume the Air, 
 nd in foft Breathing yield a Scent 
 
 1 ravifhing, and redolent, 
 
 liat I am fore'd to fit down by him, 
 nd figh, and kifs, and ki fling eye-him ; 
 r hen fitting thus and fometimes ftealing, 
 little, little Touch of Feeling, 
 'hilft I ftill gaz'd upon his Face, 
 tingles in a certain Place 
 b that degree, that I proteft ■ 
 know that thou can'ft guefs the reft, 
 $ having in thyfelf made proof, 
 nou know'ft what Love is well enough : 
 it then, O then, I am all Fire, 
 nd even ready to expire. 
 
 D I A- 
 
&i2 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; O, 
 
 DIALOGUE 
 
 Venus and Cupid. 
 
 Ve. 
 
 VfTHy, what Work (Sirrah) do'ft thou make f 
 * * Thou ev'ry Hour mak'ft my Heart ake 
 For fear of thee, thou gracelefs Whelp, 
 In doing Things I cannot help. 
 I do not, Rake-hell, mean thofe Pranks 
 (Though even they deferve fmall Thanks) 
 Thou play'ft on Earthy where thou haft done 
 The ftrangeft Things that e'er were known ; 
 Set Men a rambling, Women gadding, 
 Young, old, found, lame, and all a madding : 
 FilFd the whole World with difmal Cries 
 Of Incejis, Rapes, Adulteries, 
 Inftead of harmlefs Recreation 
 Allow'd in fimple Fornication : 
 Nor is the common Rout alone 
 Subject to thy Dominion : 
 But thou haft made the greateft Kings 
 Do more, nay, yet more fenfelefs Things, 
 Than th' arrant'ft (as one may 'em call) 
 Tag- rag Plebeians on 'em all. 
 Yet ftill thefe People Mortals be, 
 And fubjedl to thy Deity ; 
 Nor (though blame-worthy) is th' Offence 
 Of fuch a dang'rous Conference, As 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d. 
 
 As thofe thou do'ft commit above, 
 
 Where thou confound'ft us all with Love, 
 ■ Ev'n the Gods King thou do' ft not fpare, 
 
 But mak'ft|the mighty Thunderer, 
 
 Better to play his am'rous Prizes, 
 
 Put on ridiculous Difguifes, 
 
 Whilft Jupiter we all defpife, 
 
 (Who, one would think, mould be more wife) 
 
 For thofe his childifh Mummeries, 
 
 Next unto Carian Latmus Crown 
 
 Thou mak'ft the fober Moon come down, 
 
 Than whom a better Fame had none, 
 
 To vifit her Endymion. 
 
 The Sun, who dil'gent wont to be, 
 
 Thou mak'ft to (lay with Clymene, 
 
 Sfeglecting his diurnal Courfes, 
 
 And turn to Grafs his fiery Horfes. 
 
 )ans naming, thou mifchievous Elf 
 
 #hat thou haft done to me myfelf, 
 
 Vho tho 1 thy Dam, and a fond Mother, 
 
 'hou haft us'd worfe than any other : 
 
 r ti thefe, tho* fuch Things ne'er were heard on) 
 
 Vere yet within the Pale of Pardon, 
 
 Ind might in Time have been o'erblown, 
 
 ladft thou let Cybele alone : 
 
 ut to attacque a poor old Mumps, 
 
 /hofe Teeth were long fmce turn*d to Stumps, 
 
 treat Grannam to fo many Gods, 
 
 >eferves a whole Cart load of Rods ; 
 
 nd thus to make a poor old Trot 
 
 \y raging up and down (I wot) 
 
 t in her Chariot drawn with Lions, 
 
 nd bidding Gravity Defiance, 
 
 K 
 
214 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; Or, 
 
 As if me were fiark-itaring mad, 
 
 After a Scurvy fhit-breach Lad, 
 
 And ev'n of Stocks and Stones enquire 
 
 Of Atys, her fmall Apple-fquire, 
 
 Is fuch a Thing (my gracelefs Son) 
 
 As certainly was never done. 
 
 Nor, in her Inquifition, 
 
 Does fhe yet play the Fool alone ; 
 
 But which is a moft grofs Miftake, 
 
 And does her Shame more publick make, 
 
 She does ev'n here her State maintain, 
 
 And goes with all her Juggling Train 
 
 Of Corybantes at her Heels, 
 
 Who, as their Brains were fet on Wheels, 
 
 Difperfe themfelves all over Ide, 
 
 Whooping aloud on ev'ry Side 
 
 (No wifer than their mad old Dame) 
 
 Calling and whooping Atys* Name. 
 
 Where fome in Fury are fo wood, 
 
 As with one Arm t'let t'other Blood ; 
 
 Some weep in Blood, and fome in Tears, 
 
 Some with their Hair about their Ears, 
 
 Run headlong down the Precipices, 
 
 Enough to daih themfelves in pieces. 
 
 One winds a Horn with mighty Labour, 
 
 Another thumbs it on a Tabor, 
 
 Another a Brafs-pan employs, 
 
 Others ufe Cymbals, Shaums, Hoboys, 
 
 Or any Thing will make a Noife 
 
 With which they make that hideous Din, 
 
 That the whole Mountain rings agin. 
 
 Nay, fo obftreperous they are, 
 
 And make that difmal Tintamare, 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d. 215 
 
 What with their Yelling, and their Tink'ling, 
 
 That, unto any Mortal's Thinking, 
 
 Hell is broke loofe, it founds fo odd, 
 
 And all the Devils got abroad. 
 
 Which makes me fear, for thefe Offences, 
 ,If e'er th' old Hag to her own Senfes 
 
 Return again, me will on thee 
 
 Direly revenge this Roguery, 
 
 And, either without Form or Jury, 
 t Prefently kill thee in her Fury, 
 
 Or elfe unto her Lyons throw, 
 
 Or Priefis, the fiercer of the two. 
 
 Cu. Your Care's worth Thanks ; but truly, Mother, 
 
 I neither fear the one nor t'other ; 
 
 For her Priefts Fury I not weigh't, 
 
 They all are too effeminate ; 
 
 Nor of her Lyons fearful am ; 
 
 For thofe already I've made tame, 
 
 So tame, that often I aftride 
 
 A Cock-horfe on their Backs do ride, 
 
 Spur 'em, and, by their ihaggy Mains, 
 
 Guide 'em as eafy as with Reins ; 
 
 Play with their Beards, their Lips, their Paws, 
 
 Make 'em extend their crooked Claws, 
 
 Nay, thruft into their Mouths my Fiuy 
 
 And do with 'em e'en what my lift. 
 
 And then for Rhea, Mother, (he ~% 
 
 Too bufy is, I warrant ye, > 
 
 About her Love, to think of me. 3 
 But after all this Scolding now, 
 Mother, I very fain would know, 
 
 K 2 Where- 
 
1 1 6 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; O, 
 
 Wherein IVe done fo much ainifs 
 When all IVe done's but only this, 
 To make that lov'd that lovely is : 
 Which, why it mould be thus refented, 
 I know not ; would you be contented 
 To have Mars Cur'd (faith, now tell true) 
 OWi Pafiion that he has for you ? 
 
 Venus. O thou art a malicious Brat, 
 To fay fo damn'd a Thing as that ; 
 But, Sirrah, one Day poffibly, 
 ThouPt think of what I've faid to thee. 
 
 \ 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Hercules, iEscuLAPius, and Jupiter. 
 
 J up. \\T Hy, what, Sirs, are you both ftark-mad ! 
 
 Is there no Rev'rence to be had I 
 Are not you both afham'd to braul, 
 And make this Buftle in the Hall, 
 Together thus by th' Ears to fall 
 Like Rogues, and one another maul 
 With Pots and Jugs, and all things muffle, 
 As you were at a Counter-fcuffie ? 
 D*ye make an Alehoufe of my Houfe ! 
 If I reach one of ye a Doufe, 
 You'll learn more Manners, than to brabble, 
 And make an Uproar at my Table. 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d. 21 
 
 Here. Is it fit, Father, that this Jack t 
 
 This paltry Mountebanking Quack, 
 
 'This Siringe, G lifer-pipe before ye, 
 
 This Leech, this vile Suppofitory, 
 
 This Son of twenty thoufand Fathers, 
 
 This Pack of Galley-pots and Bladders, 
 
 Before this heav'nly Company 
 
 Should offer to take FJace of me ? 
 JEfculap. Sirrah, my noble Art difdains 
 
 All thefe abominable Names 
 
 Thou vomit'ft forth fo fluently ; 
 
 Nor does the Quack belong to me ; 
 j ,rhy Mountebank I do difclaim, 
 I jfrmy Profeflion can't defame, 
 ] Wo Hocus nor no Leech I am : 
 
 Jut the renowned God of Phyjtck, 
 j Vho cure my Patients when they lie-fick. 
 
 "hy Better (Ruffian) in Defert ; 
 
 )r his, whoever takes thy Part. 
 Here . In what (Impofor) would'il thou be 
 
 'nought the Advantage t*ave of me ? 
 
 s it, becaufe a Thunder-clap 
 
 fave that Calves-head of thine a Rap, 
 
 I due Reward for the Defert 
 \ jtf thy vaft Knowledge and great Art ? 
 
 :>r (Mafter Doclor) in pure Pity 
 
 reat Jove did only here admit ye. 
 1 It does become thee well, I faith, 
 
 hus to reproach me with my Death, 
 
 aving thyfelf without Reprieve 
 i 1 Oeta\ Top been burnt alive 
 ■ <r an Example unto all, 
 
 ke a notorious Criminal. 
 
 Here. 
 
2 1 8 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; Or f 
 
 Here. But that was voluntary yet, 
 .After I had with Labour great 
 (Since my own A£ts I mull rehearfe) 
 Of Mongers purg'd the Univerfe. 
 But what haft thou done for thy Part, 
 With all thy fo much boafted Art, 
 But E?np r ric£ like impos'd thy Cheats, 
 By virtue of fome ftorn Receipts, 
 "Which, fet off with a brazen Face, 
 Perhaps at Country- Fairs might pafs ? 
 
 MfcuL Thou fay'ft well ; for 'twas I apply'd 
 The Unguent to thy roafled Hide, 
 When thou cam'ft hither {Captain Swajber) 
 Scorch'd like a Herring, or a Rafter, 
 Sing'd like a Hog (foh ! thou ftink'ft ftill) 
 And fpitch-ccck'd like a falted Eel : 
 But I, like thee, have never bin 
 Prentice t'a Whore to learn to ff in, 
 A little domineering Trull, 
 That made the big-bon'd Boohy pull 
 Coarfe Hempen Hurds, flaver and twine 
 A Thread, no doubt, as Cart rope fine $ 
 And when the auk ward Clujler-fifi, 
 (As he did oft) his Leflbn mifs't, 
 And broke a Thread, then you might fee'r 
 Take him a Whirret on the Ear, 
 Calling him Dunce, and Loggerhead, 
 Whilft the tall Soldier quak'd for Dread. 
 Nor (Sirrah, Sa<wce box) doft thou hear ? 
 I ne'er was yet the Murtherer 
 Of my own Wife ; nor yet did I 
 E'er fnughter my own Progeny, 
 
The Scoffer feoff 9 d, 2 1 
 
 Who, Innocents , could none provoke, 
 As thou haft, to thy Praife be T t {poke. 
 
 Here. 'Twere good thou lefVil thy Prating, Farrie 
 And quickly too, or this tall Warrior, 
 Whom thou fo feemeft to defpife, 
 Will kick thee headlong from the Skies, 
 And make thee from the Cryftal Vault 
 Take fuch a dainty Somer-fault y 
 That, when thou Cornell to the Ground, 
 Thy Neck, I doubt, will fcarce be found, 
 Then thou may'ft try thy Skill in vain, 
 And flrive to fet it right again, 
 When all thy Art will never do't, 
 Pbys'k, and Surgery to boot. 
 
 jEfc. Thou kick me down, thou vap'ring Scab \ 
 Thou kifs the But-end of a Drab. 
 Thou fpinn'ft already, and malt feel 
 I have a Fift will teach thee reel. 
 Let's have fair Play, and make a Round, 
 I'll cuff with thee for twenty Pound : 
 Or I will meet thee where thou wo't, 
 Either with Seconds, or without, 
 With any Weapon thou doft like 
 Betwixt a Bodkin and a Pike, 
 Where I will pay thee thy Defert : 
 And (thou great Lubber) tho' thou art 
 A pretty Fellow with thy Club, 
 I will thy LionVskin fo drub, 
 If once thou dar'ft to bid me Battle, 
 Thy Bones mail underneath it rattle. 
 
 Jup. Bafta ! no more, you wrangling Turds, 
 Give o'er thefe Coflermonger's Words. 
 
 K 4 
 
220 Burkfque upon Burlefque $ Or, 
 
 Or, I proteft (which I am loth) 
 
 V\] by the Shoulder thruft you both 
 
 Out of my Hall, and eke my Doors, 
 
 And pack you down 'mongft Oyfter-whoreS) 
 
 Porters, and Tripe-women to prate, 
 
 And cuff it out at Billing/gate. 
 
 But firit, J the Difpute will end, 
 
 For which fo fweetly you contend, 
 
 Know then (my Brace of ill bred Huffers) 
 
 You Pair of brawling drunken Cuffers % 
 
 You neither of you here have place, 
 
 But meerly of my fpecial Grace ; 
 
 And therefore two great Coxcombs are 
 
 Here to begin a Civil War, 
 
 And for a Thing to keep ado 
 
 Y'ave neither of you Title to. 
 
 But henceforth (ye unmanner'd dffes) 
 
 That you may know your Worfhips Places* 
 
 And no more fuch a Rumble keep, 
 
 I'll have it go by Elderjhip j 
 
 And as the Dottor older is, 
 
 So the Precedence mall be his. 
 
< The Scoffer feoff* d. 
 
 221 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 i. \ iff i f ' i* 
 
 Mercury ^Apollo, 
 
 Mrr. /fPoIIo, what's the Matter, pray, 
 You look fo muftily To-day ? 
 
 ApoL Why. 'never any, certainly, 
 Was yet fo croiVd in Love as I ; 
 And any elfe, I think, would die of 
 Half the mifchievous Luck that I have, 
 
 Merc. Hall thou new Caufe with Fate to quarrel, 
 Since Daphne turn'd was to a Laurel? 
 
 ApoL Oh yes, yes, yes, my honeft Friend, 
 My Hyacinthus 1 timelefs End. 
 
 Merc. Who of his Murder was the Author? 
 
 ApoL Myfelf am guilty of the Slaughter. 
 
 Merc. What, didft thou do it in thy Fury ? 
 Thou'rt paliionate. 
 
 ApoL No, I allure ye, 
 
 The PafTion T had for that Creature 
 Was of another fort of Nature ; 
 But playing with the Boy at Matt, 
 (I rue the Time, and ever lhali) 
 I llruck the Ball, I know not how, 
 (For that is not the Play, you know) 
 A pretty Height into the Air 9 
 When Zephyrus (who/t feems, was there} 
 
 K 5 And 
 
222 Burlefque upon Burkfque O, 
 
 And long (as thou thy felf haft feen) 
 
 Has jealous of our Friendfhip been, 
 
 Beat down the Ball without Remorfe, 
 
 With fuch a mod confounded Force, 
 
 And gave his Head fo damn'd a Thumm, 
 
 As breakiug Pericranium, 
 
 Scalp, Dura, and eke Pia Mater, 
 
 His Brains came poppling out like Water, 
 
 And the Boy dy'd fo prettily, 
 
 'Twould e'en have done one good to fee. 
 
 I prefently purfu'd the Traytor, 
 
 T'ave been reveng'd ; but no fuch Matter. 
 
 I ncch'd an Arrow to have mot him, 
 
 But he foon out of diftance got him. 
 
 Befides, although in a Long-Bow 
 
 I moot as well as moft I know, 
 
 Yet (like a Dunce) I ne'er could yet 
 
 The Knack of mooting flying get. 
 
 He was too fwift and I too flow 
 
 To overtake the Wind, I trow. 
 
 So, feeing then the bloody Slave 
 
 Got inter Ms/as his Cave, 
 
 J back to my departed Joy ; 
 
 Where taking up the lovely Boy, 
 
 I honourably brought him home, 
 
 And built him a moft ftately Tomb, 
 
 Where my Amours and He for ever 
 
 Are buried, and entomb'd together. 
 
 And yet, my Sweet-heart to furvive, 
 
 And keep my Comfort ftill alive, 
 
 J from his Blood have caus'd to fpring 
 
 A Flow'r the pretty'lt baubling Thing 
 
The Scoffer fcoff'd. 
 
 For Beauty, and for Sweetnefs too, 
 On the EdrtWs Womb that ever grew : 
 Which alio in its Foliage wears 
 Some Hieroglypick Characters, 
 Whofe Senfe in myftick Figures bears 
 The Story of my Sighs and Tears, 
 And yet, alas ! for all I ftrive 
 My rooted Sorrow to deceive, 
 By all the moft diverting Ways, 
 I mud lament him all my Days, 
 
 Merc. Then, Friend Apollo, thou art not 
 The GodoiWifdom, but a Sot : 
 For thofe who will defcend fo far, 
 As to love Things that mortal are, 
 Mud for Events like thefe prepare. 
 Mortals to Fate are fubjeft all, 
 Who fooner muft, or later fall ; 
 And the Word Mortal does imply, 
 That they are only born to die. 
 
 t 6 
 
224 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; Or, 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 
 Apollo and Mercury. 
 
 Mere. I S a ftrange Thing, methinks, Apollo, 
 
 That this foul Thief all fmutch with Collow, 
 
 This nafty, fwarthy, ill-look'd Dog, 
 Should have the Luck to marry thefe, 
 So, fair, fo handibme Goddejfes. 
 Nay, more (which makes me hate the Slave) 
 The very faireft that we have : 
 Nor can it fink into my Pate 
 How they can hug fo foul a Mate ; 
 Or when from's Forge he comes at Night, 
 In that fame nafty itinking Plight, 
 AH Sooc and Sweat, fo black and grim. 
 How ihey can go to Bed to him : 
 Or rather not abhor, and fear him ; 
 And even vomit to come near him. 
 
 ApoL Why, 'tis a Wonder, certainly, 
 To evVry one, efpecially, 
 One fo unfortunate as I. 
 Who though (I fpeak fans Vanity) 
 I'm fomething better made than he, 
 Not to fay more, neverthelefs 
 Defpair of fo much Happinefs. 
 
 This Vulcan, this old limping Fogue, 
 
 Mere. 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d. 
 
 Merc, It to much Purpofe is for thee 
 To boaft thy Form, and Harmony: 
 Thefe Cattle care not of a Fig, 
 For thy fine frizzl'd Perri<wig> 
 Nor thy well Playing of a Jig. 
 As little would it profit me 
 To brag of my Aclwity, 
 That I could wreftle, leap, and run, 
 And fell a Rogue with my Bat ton: 
 No better Favour fhould I gain 
 By mewing them Leger-demain. 
 No, no ! I fee, there are no Arts 
 To conquer the Madona's Hearts ; 
 And we at Bed-time, when all's done* 
 Shall find that we mull lie alone : 
 Whilft a Mechanick Cripple here, 
 (Who doubtlefs does a Vizor wear ; 
 Or has the worft of all ill Faces) 
 Is towfing Venus, and the Graces. 
 
 ApoL Thy Fortune yet's not quite fo bad 
 Thou fome Luck in thy Life haft had. 
 Thou fomething haft to bray on yet, 
 One fit with Venus thou waft great ; 
 When from your mutual Delight 
 There fprung a rare Hermaphrodite z 
 But of two Perfons I adorM, 
 The one my Love fo much abhorr'd> 
 That, rather then fheM fufFer me, 
 She would be turn'd into a Tree ; 
 And t' other, to my Flame more true, 
 I moft unfortunately flew\ 
 But tell me how thefts handfome LafTe^ 
 Thy Miftrefs Venus, and the Graces, 
 
226 Burlefque upon Burlefque\ Or, 
 
 Can poffibly fo well agree, 
 And live together quietly ? 
 How comes it neither jealous are, 
 Venus of Them, nor they of Her ? 
 
 Merc. That's nothing ftrange, where no great Love \u 
 Befides, fair Venus oft above is 
 Pafling her Time moft jocundly 
 In Heav'n, with better Company. 
 While t'other are conftrain'd the while 
 To flay with them in Lemnos Ifle, 
 And little wanton Venus cares 
 Who with her in the Black Smith fhares ; 
 She finer Fellows has than he 
 To help to do his Drudgery. 
 Mars and She (Jove forgive them forU) 
 Have now and then a Night of Sport, 
 A Youth of other kind of Mettle, 
 Than that old Outftde of a Kettle ? 
 
 Apol. But doft thou think Vulcan does dream 
 That Captain Swajh does Cuckold him ? 
 
 Merc. Nay, faith, he knows it well enough ; 
 But he fo dreads that Man of Buf, 
 That whatfoe'er he fees, or hears, 
 He dares not mutter for his Ears. 
 Befides, thou know'ft, and oft has feen't, 
 How monftrous rude and infolent 
 The huffing angry Boys of War 
 With pitiful Mechanicks are. 
 
 Apol. Well, but I'm told the Hob-naihmaker 
 Is plotting, for all that, to take her, 
 And is contriving a ftrange Gin 
 2To trap her and her Bravo in. 
 
 Merc. 
 
The Scoffer feoff' d. 22 
 
 Merc. I can fay nothing as to that, 
 Bat (betwixt Friends) I'll tell thee what, 
 So her Bumfiddle I had clap'd, 
 I'd be contented to be trap'd. 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Juno and La ton a, 
 
 Jun. TN truth {Latona) thou doft bear 
 
 Such lovely Brats to Jupiter , 
 That I have thought it Pity often 
 They were not lawfully begotten. 
 
 hat. They like their other Neighbours are, 
 Not over-foul, nor over-fair ; 
 They pretty paffable are, though 
 (Thank Jove) the Children are fo-fo : 
 But each one muft not think to bear 
 So fine a piece as Mulciber. 
 
 Jun. I underftand thee well enough, 
 Jeer on, my Back is broad enough : 
 Vulcan is not fo finely drefs'd 
 As Don Apollo, 'tis confefs'd ; 
 Yet Venus (though he's not fo trim) 
 Found in her Heart to marry him. 
 And, if the Artixan be lame, 
 We are for that Mifchance to blame, 
 For ev'ry one knows how it came. 
 
22$ Burkfque upon Burlefque y Or f 
 
 But, though a Cripple in his Feet, 
 
 His Hands do recompenfe it yet ; 
 
 For better Workman never /mote 
 
 With Hammer ; <whilft the Irn was hot. 
 
 'Tis he embellifh'd has the Skies 
 
 With all thofe pretty twinkling Eyes : 
 
 Tis he alone can undertake 
 
 Jupiterh Thunderbolts to make ; 
 
 'Nay all the Deities befide 
 
 Are from his Induiiry fupply'd ; 
 
 And he's put to't fo to find Wares 
 
 To furnifh all his Cufiomers, 
 
 That oftentimes conftrain'd they are 
 
 To beg, intreat, and /peak him fair^ 
 
 To get him make their Iron-ware. 
 
 They are all bound t'him (on my Word) 
 
 Mars for his Cuirace, Shield, and Sword, 
 
 The blttiVing JEolfox his Bident, 
 
 And Neptune for his maffy Trident, 
 
 Ceres for Sickles, Pan for Crooks y 
 
 Pomona for her Pruning- hooks, 
 
 Priapus for his Grafting-knives? 
 
 And Sir Prometheus for his Gieves. 
 
 Nay, hold ! I have not yet half done, 
 
 He's Smith and Farrier to the Sun, 
 
 Does th' Iron-work his Chariot needs, 
 
 Shoes, bloods, and drenches both his Steeds ; 
 
 Of which the one the other Day 
 
 He of a Gravel cur'd, they fay, 
 
 And t'other of a fiftula. 
 
 Nay, a new Pair of Wheels are made, 
 
 fThe old ones being much decay'd). 
 
<the Scoffer feoff" d. i 
 
 For which he makes fuch lafting Tire, 
 
 As all the Black Smiths do admire : 
 
 Bujhes the Naves, clouts th* Axle-trees, 
 
 And twenty finer Things than thefe. 
 
 The Goddejfes are fain to woe him, 
 
 And come to be beholden to him, 
 
 To make their Needles and their Shears ; 
 
 And thofe fine Fattens his Wife wears 
 
 Are of his making too me fwears. 
 
 By which it evident appears 
 
 He's belt at any Iron Thing 
 
 That ever made made an Anvil ring, 
 
 But that great ramping Tufs, thy Daughter, 
 
 A Mankind-Trull, inur'd to Slaughter, 
 
 To the foft Sex's foul Difgrace, 
 
 Rambles about from Place to Place, 
 
 And ev'n as far as Scythia ranges, 
 
 Where Murder me for Love« exchanges, 
 
 And without Senfe, Grace, or good Manners? 
 
 Butchers her courteous Entertainers. 
 
 In this more fierce and cruel far 
 
 Than the moft bloody Scythians are. 
 
 And then thy Son, that hopeful Piece, 
 
 Apollo, J ack-of all trades is : 
 
 Of many Arts (forfooth) he's Mafter, 
 
 An Archer, Fidler, PoetaJier 9 
 
 A kind of Salt in hanco too, 
 
 Which thorough Provinces does go, 
 
 And kills cum privilegio. 
 
 Nay, he pretends to more than this, 
 
 He fets up Oracle Jhops in Greece, 
 
 At Delphos, Didyma, and Claros, 
 
 To each of which he hath a Wart-loufi 
 
230 Bur le que upon Burlefque ; Or, 
 
 StufPd full of Lyes, for great and fmall, 
 To gull poor filly Souls withal. 
 Yet fo, that all his fuflian Fictions, 
 (Which he pretends to be Prediction ) 
 Though ev'ry one of them a Lye, 
 Are couch'd fo wond'rous cunningly, 
 That, howfoe'er Things come about, 
 He has a Back-door to get out. 
 In the mean Time the World abounding 
 With Puppies (that, it feems, fcap'd Drowning) 
 By thefe Impoftures, and damn'd Cheats, 
 Of Fools he ftore of Money gets : 
 But yet the Wife too well do know 
 His Cheats, to part with Money fo % 
 They find his Skill in Prophecy 9 
 Who was fo wife not to forefee 
 That he one Day againft his Will 
 Should his dear Hyacinthus kill ; 
 Nor that fair Daphne, his coy Mi/s, 
 Would never like that Face of his, 
 For all he wears his Beard fo fprig, 
 And has a fine Gold Perriwig. 
 I wonder then, that thou ihouldft be 
 Preferred thus before Niobe ; 
 Or, that thy IfTue mould be thought 
 Fairer than thofe that me hath brought. 
 
 Lat. Come, come, thy Spite and Malice few know* 
 Better than I do, Madam Juno f 
 I know ; but care not of a Chip, 
 Where the Shoe wrings your Ladyjhip, 
 Thou'rt vex'd unto the Heart (I trow) O 
 To fee my Children triumph fo, p> 
 I And fhine in Heaven as they do 5 S 
 
fbe Scoffer feoff* d. 
 
 And that they celebrated are, 
 The one for beautiful and fair, 
 And t'other for his Skill fo rare 
 O'th' Harp, Theorbo , and Guitarre. 
 
 Ju. What fenfelefs Things fond Mothers are \ 
 Thou mak'ft me laugh, I vow and fwear, 
 To think thy Son thou fliouldft maintain 
 To be a good Mufician : 
 That miferable Harper , who, 
 For raking his vile Gridiron fo, 
 Inilead of Marfias had been flead, 
 And had his Skin ftripp'd o'er his Head, 
 Had not the Nine corrupted Wenches 
 Giv'n Sentence 'gainji their Confciences. 
 As for thy Daughter's mighty Grace, 
 With her pale, Full-moon, Platter Fact* 
 She fuch a very lovely Piece is, 
 Atieeon was pull'd all to pieces 
 By his own Hounds [ill-manner* d Curs, 
 Who did like Dogs, but th' Fault was hers) 
 'Tis faid, for having feen her naked ; 
 But who think that was all, miftake it : 
 For I can tell 'em in their Ear, 
 She made them worry him for fear 
 He mould tell Tales, and blaze a Story 
 (She knew mufl needs be detra&ory) 
 Of what a filthy fulfome Quean 
 He bating had ftark-naked feen, 
 For the Virginity (forfooth) 
 She brags of, is a grofs Untruth ; 
 Alas ! a meer Pretence, and what 
 All Women needs muft titter at : 
 
l%z Burlefque upon Burlefquey Or, 
 
 For me could never, if a Maid, 
 Pra&ife fo well the Midwife's Trade, 
 And be fo skill'd in that Affair, 
 Without Experience, we may fwear ; 
 And therefore me has had her Share 
 Of doing too, I warrant her. 
 
 Lat. Well ( Juno) well, I mufl difpenfe 
 With this thy railing Infolence, 
 And me who is in Bed and Thront 
 Great Jupiter $ Companion, 
 May fay her Will to any one. 
 Or elfe, my haughty Dame, I wis, 
 Thou durft not talk fuch Stuff as this. 
 Thou fett'ft thy Tippet wond'rous high , 
 And rant'ft, there is no coming nigh ; 
 See what a goodly Port me bears, 
 Making the Pot with the two Ears ! 
 But yet ere long, 1 hold a Groat, 
 That we mail hear thee change thy Note, 
 This Pride will have a Fall, no doubt, 
 And we mail fee thee lour and pout, 
 And your infulting Majefty y 
 Tame as a Lamb, fit down and cry, 
 When, wounded with fome mortal Beauty, 
 Your Good-man fhall forger his Duty, 
 And go to court her at th' Expence 
 Of Juno's due Benevolence. 
 
The Scoffer fcoff'd. 
 
 233 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Apollo and Mercury. 
 
 W' h° w now [Seignior Mercury) 
 
 * Y'are wonderfully rapt, I fee ! 
 What is it makes your Worfhip> pray, 
 So merry 'bout the Mouth To day ? 
 
 Merc. Why, to fee that that I have feen, 
 Would make a Dog to break bis Spleen ; 
 A Sight [Apollo) that would make 
 Thy Heart-firings too with Laughing crack. 
 
 Apol. Govern thy Mirth a while, at leaft, 
 So long that I may hear the Jeft ; 
 So long that braying Laughter fpare, 
 That I in turn may laugh my mare. 
 
 Merc. Why, our* brave Cavalier 0 Mars 
 (For Laughing I can tell thee fcarce, 
 The Jeft fo pretty and fo odd is) 
 Is napping ta'en witii Beaut f s Goddefs. 
 
 Apol. How ta'en ? I prithee, now be plainer, 
 When, doing what, after what Manner ? 
 
 Merc. Juft now, whilft Smug was Oxen mooing, 
 And (in plain Ternu) at down- right doings 
 
 The Manner thus : You are to know 
 
 Oh I could die with Laughing now ! 
 
 Apol. Thou titt'ring Calf, I prithee, ceafe, 
 And either fpeak, or hold thy Peace, 
 
 Merc* 
 
234 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; O, 
 
 Merc. Why then, be't known to all Good-fellows, 
 That Vulcan having long been jealous 
 Of an Intrigue 'twixt his fair Bride 
 And this fame huffing Iron-jide, 
 It having held on many a Year, 
 The fmoaky Limps did more than fear 
 He had through Venus' Water-gap 
 Stuck a Bull's Feather in his Cap ; 
 Which long has made him eye and watch him, 
 Hoping to find a Time to catch him. 
 He to this Purpofe then had fet 
 About his Bed fo rare a Net, 
 Made of fo fmall, but holding Wire, 
 (Wherein his Art we all admire) 
 As, without very fpecial Heed, 
 Was hardly to be feen indeed ; 
 Which having, unperceived, laid, 
 He carelefs went about his Trade : 
 But fcarcely was he gone an Acre, 
 When in flips Captain Cuckold-make r 3 
 And whips me into Bed to's Wife, 
 Where, whilft flie whittled on the Fife, 
 He beat {oh, never fuch a Drum !) 
 A Point of War upon her Bum. 
 Now as they thus, with pleafing Labor, 
 Did jump and jig to Pipe and Tabor, 
 Playing in Concert, and Time keeping, 
 The Sun, who ever mutt be peeping, 
 When fhe, cock fure 9 thought none was nigh 'em, 
 Thorough the Glafs had Luck to fpy 'em ; 
 Which having done, away he goes, 
 And, out of Envy, I fuppofe, 
 
Xbe Scoffer feoff* d. 235 
 
 (Of that, methinks, it rankly favours) 
 Tells me lame V ulcan ftrait, that Manors, 
 Whilft he at Work did fweat and fwelter, 
 Was thund'ring Venus He Iter skelter. 
 At which, the God with fmutty Face 
 Starting, as if to run a Race, 
 Throws down his Tools, fans more ado, 
 And trip'd it with his Patten- fhoe 
 So nimbly, that (to make it lhort) 
 He comes i'th* middle of their Sport, 
 And, like a cunning old Trepanner, 
 Took the poor Lovers in the Manner ; 
 And there, as one would take a Larlr, 
 Trap'd the fair Madam and her Spark. 
 Venus confounded, you muft think, 
 Chop'd down her Hand to hide her Chink. 
 Mars, tardy ta'en, at firft did fret, 
 Struggled, and fluttered in the Net ; 
 And ftrongly did about him lay, 
 Thinking by force to make his way ; 
 When finding t'was beyond his Strefs, 
 He e'en was fain to acquiefce, 
 (For Striving made him but more fail) 
 And to Intreaties fell at laft. 
 But fair Words Vulcan little heeded : 
 He then to Menaces proceeded, 
 Making a kind of mixt Oration, 
 Half Kill and Slay, half Supplication. 
 
 ApoL 'Tis very pleafant, faith ! and fo 
 Vulcan (I warrant) let him go. 
 
 Merc. So far from that, that without Shame, 
 Civil Regard to his Wife's Fame, 
 
 Or 
 
236 Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Or, 
 
 Or any Senfe on's own Difgrace, 
 
 He all the Gods unto the Place 
 
 Very judicioufly has brought, 
 
 To Ihew them what fine Fifh h'as caught i 
 
 Where now they are, and all become 
 
 Spectators of his Cuckoldom. 
 
 In the mean time the loving Pair, 
 
 Seeing themfelves thus caught in th* Snare, 
 
 Hang down their Heads, and with Shame's Wing 
 
 (For want of other Covering) 
 
 In bafliful Blufhes do exprefs, 
 
 They fain would hide their Nakednefs. 
 
 ApoL But all this while, is Dirty face 
 So ftupid, and fo damn'd an Afs, 
 As not to blufh in fuch a Cafe, 
 At publifhing his own Difgrace ? 
 
 Merc . Who he ? why he, of all the refl;, 
 Is the mod ravifh'd with the Jeft, 
 And Blufhes no where does difclofe, 
 But (where he always does) in's Nofe : 
 Yet, tho' the Sight be but unfeemly, 
 I envy this fame Mars extremely, 
 To be furpriz'd in Bed with her, 
 Who is of Goddeffes the Star, 
 With whom no other can compare, 
 For fweetly, excellently fair, 
 Believ't, Apollo, is moft rare ! 
 And then to be ty'd to her too, 
 With Bonds that no one can undo ? 
 To her, I fay, than faireft fairer, 
 O that's more ravifhing and rarer ! 
 
 ApoL Thou fpeak'ft fo feelingly, I wis, 
 With fuch a tickling Emphafis, 
 
Wbt Scoffer feoff 9 d. 
 As thoud'ft a Mind to have it thought 
 Thou wouldft thyfelf be fain fo caught. 
 
 Merc. Marry, who doubts it ? Ay, or elfe 
 Would I had Clapper loft and Bells. 
 Do but go with me now, and fee 
 Beauty in her Captivity ; 
 And if thou be'ft not of my Mind, 
 I then (my Friend) mall be inclined, 
 Or to fufpea that there there may be 
 Something in't of Frigidity ; 
 Or wonder that thy Continence, 
 Beholding fo much Excellence, 
 Should be fo conftant, and fo great, 
 Which rare is in a Carrot-pate. 
 
 DIALOG U 
 
 Juno and Jupiter. 
 
 Jm. jS^E'er ^ (thou mighty God of Thunder) 
 I cannot chufe, methinks, but wonder 
 
 low thou canft be content to have 
 |i ; uch an effeminate drunken Knave 
 Bacchus is, to call thee Father ! 
 
 f he were mine, I mould much rather 
 
 ^dopt, than fuch a Rake- hell own, 
 1 1 foak'd Dutch Swabber for my Son. 
 1 1 drunken Whelp, vvhofe whoie Delight 
 1 fwinifh Swilling Day and Night, 
 
 ; l 
 
2^3 Burkfque upon Burlefque ; Or y 
 
 With a loud Crew of hair-brain Jades, 
 A Knot of very fine Comrades ; 
 Yet good enough for him they be, 
 And far more Mafculine than he : 
 Whiifl to their Tabors and their Pipes 
 He jolts about his fwagging Tripes, 
 With his Hair crifp'd fo neat and fine, 
 And crown'd with Chaplets of the Vine, 
 More like a Morris -dancer far 
 Than any Son of Jupiter. 
 
 J up . Yet this effeminate drunken Sot, 
 This Swabber, and I can't tell what, 
 With which thy over-lib'ral Clapper, 
 Is pleas'd his Merit to befpatter, 
 Has, in a very little Space, 
 Conquered both Lytfla and Thrace, 
 Which are no common Victories : 
 Nay, of the Indies too made Prize, 
 After triumphantly he had 
 Their huffing King a Captive made, 
 For all's Bravadoes, and his Rants, 
 And his Life-guard of Elephants. 
 Is this a defpicable Son, 
 Who has fo noble Conquefts won ? 
 Nay, and (which yet appears more great) 
 Without the Pother, Toil, and Sweat, 
 The Wounds, the Blood, the Smart, and Pain, 
 With which all others Conqueft gain ? 
 Thi9 Fellow fubjugates the Earth 
 In a perpetual Roar of Mirth, 
 Of Fiddling, Dancing, Wenching, Drinking, 
 Who, none would think he leaft was thinking 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d. 
 Of any fuch important Matter, 
 Or plotting Things of that high Nature ; 
 And often (which is ftrahger yet) 
 At Times when he feems moll unfit 
 Either to a&, or to command ; 
 So drunk, he cannot go nor Hand. 
 And if at any time there are 
 Any fo impudent to dare, 
 Either to cenfure or defpife 
 His jovial Rites and Myfteries, 
 He takes them in his Lime-twigs flrait, 
 And teaches them fo well to prate, 
 That once (among a many other 
 Revenges dire) he made a * Mother, 
 For an Impiety like this, 
 Tear her own IfTue piece by piece : 
 And was not this, I fain would hear, 
 Worthy the Son of Jupiter I 
 \nd if he be (as now-a-days 
 Many young People take ill Ways) 
 V Tofs-pot, and a drunken Too/?, 
 
 | t always is at his own Coft, 
 tod none (for all's Debauchery) 
 
 I 'an fay fo much as black's bis Eye. 
 elides, if he fuch Things can do 
 
 • fhen drunk as Drum, or Wheelbarrow, 
 Hut would not this GodoiOaober 
 tfform, I prithee, when he's fober ? 
 
 I Jun. Why this is wonderfully fine ? 
 
 I' r ilt not proceed to praife (Friend mine) 
 
 lis rare Invention of the Vine, 
 
 I hat Parent of accurfed Wine, 
 
240 Burlefque upon Burlefque Or, 
 
 After thou hail, with thine own Eyes, 
 Beheld the many Miferies 
 And Mifchief that the World difquiets, 
 Frays, Bloodjbeds, Re/cues, Routs, and Riots, 
 Brawls, Brabbles, Shreeks, the ZW/ and all, 
 Of which it is th' Original ? 
 And that it coft the firft * Boon-blade, 
 To whom he this fine Preient made, 
 Even his Life, who had his Brains 
 Beat out his Coxcomb for his Pains ? 
 
 J up . Pifh ! pifli ! thou talk' it thou know'ft not 
 The Wine for this is not in fault \ 
 'Tis not the Wine, but the Excefs, 
 That caufes all this Wickednefs. 
 
 Wine of itfeif's a gen'rous Juice, 
 
 Of which the right and mod'rate Ufe 
 
 Quickens Man's Wit, and chears his Heart, 
 
 Gives Vigour unto ev'ry Part, 
 
 And the whole Man with Fire fupplies 
 
 Both to Defign and Enterprise : 
 
 But Jealoufy and Envy make 
 
 Your Ladyjhip thus ill to fpeak : 
 
 There was a Semele, I trow, 
 
 Who ftill flicks in thy Stomach fo ; 
 
 Thou elie would'fl haye more Wit or Shame 
 
 Than thus indifferently to blame, 
 
 With thy eternal Bibble Babble, 
 
 What's ill, with what is commendable.. 
 
$be Scoffer fccf'd. 
 
 24.1' 
 
 DIALOGUE, 
 
 V e n u s and C upid. 
 
 1 Win. Ome on [Sir Lo<ve) fince none is by 
 
 I But your fmall Deity and I, 
 I muft examine you a little, 
 And tell me true unto a Tirt!e ? . 
 |?irra£, it were your beft, or elfe 
 I'll jerk you with my Pantables : 
 flow comes it {ToutB) to pafs, that you 
 Who all the Deities* fiibdue, 
 And at thy pleafure canft make Noddies 
 Df every God, and every Goddefs ; 
 S T ay, even me doft fo inflame, 
 Who (Shit- breech) thy own Mother am : 
 tat yet Dame Pallas canft not ftir, 
 \s if (forfooth) alone for her 
 I n hou hadft no Arrows in thy Quiver, 
 
 for yet a Torch to finge her Liver ? 
 I Cup. Why (to confefs the Truth) 1 fpare hsr 
 f or no very good Will I bear her : 
 
 !ut me is fuch a {trapping Jade, 
 \nSadnefs, Mother, I'm afraid 
 I \> meddle with her. T'other Day 
 1 j for her in clofe Ambufh lay, 
 ind a convenient Stand had got, 
 ntending to have pin k'd her Coat; 
 
 L 3 And 
 
242 Burlefqut upon Burlefque \ 0r 7 
 
 And to that End had chofe an Arrow 
 
 (With which I fcorn to mifs a Sparrow) 
 
 Had notch'd it, and, without all Dread, 
 
 Had drawn it, almoft to the Head ; 
 
 When, by the Snapping of a Twig 
 
 Efpying me, fhe look'd fo big, 
 
 And did her Launce fo fiercely brandilh, 
 
 My Face tum'd whiter than your Hand is * 
 
 And I fuch Fear was ftruck withal, 
 
 That Bow and Shaft from Hand did fall ? 
 
 Nay, I myfelf came tumbling down, 
 
 As me had (hot me with a Frown, 
 
 So fuddenly, that, but my Wings 
 
 By voluntary Flutterings 
 
 Broke the main Fury of my Fall, 
 
 I think, I'd broke my Neck withal ; 
 
 And yet was not the Squelch fo ginger, 
 
 Eut that I fprain'd my little Finger, 
 
 Ven. But Mars more dreadful is than me, 
 For all her Launce and Shield, can be > 
 His Looks were terrible and grim,- 
 Yet thou art not afraid of him. 
 
 Cup. I twice dare him, ere once offend her $ 
 He frankly does his Arms furrender 
 To my Difpofe, nay, very often 
 Calls me his Iron fides to foften : 
 Whereas this fowre Pal of Atnbree 
 Huffs it, and looks a- skew at me ; 
 And when the domineering Drab 
 Beheld me, like a half fledg'd Squab, 
 Come fluttering headlong from the Bough, 
 Sirrah (quoth fhe) thou Bafiard thou, 
 
The Scofer feoff* d. 
 
 If with thy famous Archery 
 Thou dar'il to make a Butt of me. 
 Allure thyfelf, my mortal Javelin 
 Shall in a Moment be thy Navel in ; 
 Or I will catch thee up by one 
 Of thofe fat Stumps thou wahVlt upon, 
 And give your Rogue/hip fuch a Swing, 
 As {Monfieur Cbitty-face) fhall fling 
 You and your Implements to Hell : 
 And therefore {Don) confider well 
 Whom thou attack'ft. . Go, bird at other 
 Ladies of Pleafure, fboo.t thy Mother ; 
 She fuch a conftant Friend to Love is, 
 She'll take it for a Son-like Office ; 
 But level not at me thy Tiller : 
 For if thou doft (thou pore-blind Killer) 
 I've told thee what thou art to fear, 
 And I will do it, as I'm here. 
 Thus faid, me (which not to difTemble} 
 Indeed, lau, Mother, made me tremble, 
 And that too with fo fierce a Look, 
 As my poor Heart could no way brook ; 
 But, like an A/pen- leaf IJhook y 
 And ftar'd, as I'd been Planet-ftruck. 
 Which Face fo terrible appears 
 In that fame Steel-Monteer of hers ; 
 And then her Shield's fo full of Dread, 
 With that foul flaring Gorgon s Head, 
 Which, drefs'd up in a Tour of Snakes, 
 The Sight fo much more horrid makes. 
 That the Remembrance makes me fweat $ 
 Vdsjijbl methinksj l fee it yet. 
 
244 Burlefque upon Burkfque, - Or, 
 
 Venus. Dame Pallas and Medufa's Head 
 Are mighty dang'rous Things indeed : 
 But yet for all this mighty Fear 
 Thou nothing mak'ft of Jupiter, 
 For all the Thunder he does bear. 
 But {Sirrah) after thefe Excufes, 
 How comes it that the Nine fair Mufes, 
 Who Gorgon s Head nor Thunder have, 
 Should 'fcape thy Darts, thou juggling Knave 
 Who, for all thou to do art able, 
 Do ft ill remain invulnerable. 
 
 Cup. Why, faith, I do thcfe Dam/els fpare, 
 Out of the Rev'rence that I bear 
 To their good Singing ; who, when I 
 Happen into their Company, 
 Sing me, and that without Intreatie?, 
 Such Sonnets, Madrigals, and Ditties & 
 As ravifh me, to tell yen plainly ; 
 For, you know, I love Ballads mainly ,: 
 I then were an ingrateful Dog, 
 Should I thofe Virgins fet a-gog 
 With a mad Flame, that nothing dreads, 
 And make them loofe their Maidenheads ; 
 By which their Voices ev'ry one 
 Would be foul crack'd, nay, fpoii'd and gone, 
 
 Venus. But what has Dame Diana done, 
 That thou fhouldft let her too alone ? 
 Which way has (he (fmall Quiver- bearer) 
 Oblig'd the Deity to fpare her ? 
 
 Cup. Oh, that Donzella, by Relation, 
 Is ta'en up with' another Pafiion. 
 
 Ven. What Paflion's that of Love takes plu.ee 
 
 .. Cup. Why, fhe's enamour'd of the Chace, 
 
The Scoffer Scoffd. 
 
 Wherein' the lufty vvell-breath'd Dame, 
 
 So fall purfues the flying Game, 
 
 The Hart, and Hind, the Buck, and Doe, 
 
 And skirs thro' Woods and Forefts fo* 
 
 That, fliould I flalk at her a Year, 
 
 I ne'er fhall get a Shot at her ; 
 
 And to purfue her is no boot, 
 
 The Damfel is too fwift of Foot : 
 
 But for her Brother, that Prince Pr<ig 9 
 
 For all his dainty fancied Wig % 
 
 And that he lhoots at fourteen-fcore, 
 
 I think 
 
 Ven. Thou needil to fay no more 
 
 Thou oft has made thy fiery Dart 
 Fizz in the Hollow of his Heart. 
 
246 Burlefque upon Burlefqus •, Or, 
 
 The yudgment of Paris. 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Jupiter, Mercury, Paris, and the Three 
 Goddeffes. 
 
 Jup. TT Ey ! Lacquey Mercury, appear ! 
 
 A * Merc. Atft like your Majejiy, I'm here. 
 Jup. Here [Sirrab) take this golden Apple, 
 And go where Paris tends his Cattle , ■ 
 On 7^s Top, to that fmug Paris, 
 Who all the Shepherds much more fair is ; 
 That fmooth-fac'd Trojan, and acquaint him, 
 That I of Beauty Judge appoint him, 
 Becaufehe is a pretty Fellow, 
 And foinetimes makes his Neighbours yellow, 
 And that he knows, the' clad in Frock, 
 A Woman from a Water-cock. 
 Come [fair ones) come, what are you daing ? 
 It is high time that you were going ; 
 1*11 not be Judge, I-fwear, that's flat;. 
 I think, I know enough for that : 
 For, if I mould decide the Strife 
 Betwixt my Daughters and my Wife, 
 
 Such 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d. 
 
 Such Matters I am fo expert in, 
 
 That Two I fhould offend, that's certain : 
 
 And, to be plain, I mainly dread 
 
 Pulling an old Houfe o'er my Head. 
 
 Then fithence I can pleafe but one, 
 
 I will e'en fairly let't alone ! 
 
 For you are three that for it grapple, 
 
 And you all know there's but one Apple, 
 
 And I could wHh, wer't T that gave it, 
 
 That ev'ry one of you might have it : 
 
 But none of you need doubt t' appear 
 
 Before this new Lord Chancellor t 
 
 Don Paris, who is to decide 
 
 Your Controverfy upon Ide, 
 
 Though Chanceries admit no "Jury,. 
 
 For he's a Kings Son, I affure ye, , 
 
 Defcended from an honeft Breed, 
 
 Own Coufin here to Ganymede, 
 
 So upright and fo innocent, 
 
 That you all ought to reft content, . 
 
 And have no Reafon to efchew him, 
 
 But wholly put the Matter to him. 
 
 Venus. For my part, Father Jupiter 9 
 I am content, and am fo far 
 From questioning, much more refufing, 
 Any for Judge is of thy chufing, 
 That I fhould never doubt the Matter, 
 Were Momus* felf the Arbitrator, 
 And willingly to this fubmit, 
 Who, if he have or Eye, or Wit, 
 Will furely underftand the Duty 
 That he and all Men owe to Beauty y 
 
248 Burkfque. upon Burlefque Or> 
 
 And if my Rivals do confent, 
 For my part, I am mod content. 
 
 Juno. I from the Sentence mall not budge,, 
 Tho' Mars himfelf were to be Judge, 
 Alt ho' thy Tar amour he be, 
 And likely to incline to thee. 
 
 Jup. Art thou, Minerva, too agreed 
 She blames, and holds down her Head. % 
 But Modefty's the Maiden's Grace ; 
 Be fides, I hate a brazen -Face* 
 And thou wert virtuoully rear'd ; 
 Maids /hould be feen, they fay, not heard. 
 Therefore, I fee, thou'rt, too, content,. 
 And modeft Silence gives Confer.i. 
 Go on then in a happy Hour,. 
 And let not thofe, who lofe, look fowr, 
 Stomach the Award, nor bear a Grudge 
 To him whom I have made your Judge : 
 For there is but one Golden Ball y . 
 "Which can't be given to you all ; 
 Nor yet can fev'ral Beauties ftrike 
 The young Man's Liking all alike : 
 And therefore he muft giv't to one, 
 Gr keep': himfelf, and give it none. 
 
 Merc, Come now, yeV-e heard your Charge, I pray, 
 Let m be jogging, Ladies gsy, 
 And fet forth towards Fhrygia ; 
 I'll lead the belt and neareft Way, 
 That >ou may neither flop nor Hay y 
 For fuch wild Cattle often ffray. 
 And, for the Bus'nefs of the Balf^. 
 Never concern yourfelves at all ; 
 
 I know 
 
The Scoffer feoff* i. 24?' 
 
 I know this Paris well enough, 
 
 And of his Dealing have had Proof : 
 
 He is a very honeil Younker, 
 
 A bonny Lad, and a great Punker 
 
 As out on's fight did ever thruft his » < < • 
 
 1*11 warrant you, he'll do you Juflice. 
 
 Ven. The Characler, thou giv'ft the Youth, 
 Does even ravifh me, in Truth j 
 I've heard none fuch this many a Day : 
 But is he marry'd, prithee, fay ? 
 I Merc. He was & Batch e lor laft Friday > 
 
 But he a * Sweet-heart has on Ida, * Qenon?* 
 
 ) If I miftake not ; but-fhe is 
 
 Some coarfe, fome.home-fpun, ruftick Piece, 
 \ That only now and then attends him, 
 
 To draw the Humours out offends him ; 
 i A neceffary piece of Wealth, 
 I To keep his Body in good Health, 
 | With, whom he plays, to help Digeftion 
 But what makes thee to ask that Queftion ? 
 
 Vert. I know not how it came to pafs, 
 Of fomething elfe.I think it was, 
 
 Pal. You, nimble Monjieur Mercry there, 
 Captain Con duel or, do you hear ? 
 You ill difcharge your. Trull (I trow) 
 To hold Difcourfe and whifper fo 
 With Madam Venus on the Way ; 
 Is that in your Commiffion, pray ? 
 
 Merc. Why if to pafs the Time we chat> 
 What can you {Madam) make of that ?. 
 'Twas no fuch Secret never fear it, 
 That we talk'd of, but you may hear it 3 
 
250 Burlefque upon Burlefque % Or, 
 
 She only ask'd, if Pan's were 
 A marry'd Man, or Batcheler ? 
 
 Pal. And gpod-now, what is that to her ? 
 
 Merc. Nay, what know I (my Lady fine ?) 
 She fays it was- without Defign. 
 
 Pal. And is he marry'd ? 
 
 Merc. I think not ; 
 
 For why fliould he be fuch a Sot, 
 As to go tie himfelf to one, 
 When all he fpeaks to are his own ? 
 
 Pal. What [ is the Fellow a meer Bumpkin, 
 A down-right Clod ? or has he fomething 
 Of Honour and Ambition in him ? 
 For thou, it feems, haft often feen him. 
 
 Merc. Why, faith, the Fellow being young, 
 Of active Limbs, and pretty ftrong, 
 And being Son unto a King, 
 I think, he would give any Thing, 
 Nay (on my Conference) half his Cattle, 
 To fignalize himfelf in Battle ; 
 And would be glad 'riiongft armed Bands 
 To fhew how tali he is on's Hands, 
 Always provided in the Cafe, 
 The Royjiers would not fpoil his Face. 
 
 Ven* Why look you now, I can connive at 
 Your two difcourfmg thus in private, 
 Who, tho' you have much longer chatted, 
 Yet you fee, I'm not angry at it. 
 I'm of another kind of Nature, 
 And no fuch froward fnappifh Creature. 
 
 Merc. Nor is there Caufe here, I allure- ye, 
 To put your Ladyjhip in Fury ; 
 
The Stoffer feoff d, 
 
 For all lhe ask'd me, was no more, 
 But jufl the fame you did before ; 
 And I return'd in anfwer, too, 
 The fame to Her I did to You. 
 But yet this little mapping Fray 
 Has helpM wel'. onward on our Way ; 
 Help'd us well onward only, faid I ! 
 Why, we're pall ail the Stars already, 
 And over Phrygia now are come; 
 And fo, fair Ladies, welcome home : 
 And fee, fiveet Charges, I have fpy'd 
 The famous Mount ycleped Ide ; 
 And now I come a little nigher, 
 I. think, I fee your Apple Squire. 
 
 Juno. Whereabouts is he ? Prithee mew $ 
 For hang me if I fee him now. 
 
 Merc. A little on your Left-hand, Madam, 
 Driving his Flocks, I think, to fhade 'em 
 O'th'* fide of the high Mountain yonder ; 
 You there may fee your C oft ard- monger : 
 His Fiock lies open to your View, 
 And yonder is his Cabbin too. 
 
 Jun. Where is this Ycungfter, with a Pox 
 I fee no Cabbins, nor no Flocks. 
 
 Merc. A better pair of Eyes Jo<ve fend ye 
 I doubt, your Boon-grace does offend ye ; 
 Your Maid'nhead hangs not in your Light, 
 Jove is too good a Carpet-Knight : 
 I ne'er faw th' like in all my Days ; . 
 Why he's as plain as Nofe on Face, 
 Guide your Eye by my Finger here 5 
 Do you not fee fome Flocks appear 
 
252 Burlefque upon Burlejque •> Or, 
 
 Coming from out yon Rocks, pray fpeak, 
 And one with Sheep-hook on his Neck, 
 Sending his Cur to fetch 'em in ? 
 They're plain enough, fure, to be feen f 
 
 Jun. Oh, now I fee'm ; Is that the Youth ? 
 
 Merc. That, Madam, 's even he, in Truth : 
 But now, that we are got fa- near, 
 I think, it good Difcretion were 
 That, ere we further go, we here 
 Bo make our flop, and light, for fear, 
 Left whilft on us he leaft is ftudy'ng, 
 Flutt'ring about his Ears o'th' fudden, 
 We mould, perhaps, affright him fo, 
 That the poor Shepherd would not know 
 Nor what to think, m>r what to do. 
 And he, who to determine is 
 Of fuch a Tickle-point as this, 
 Had need to have his Wits about him, 
 
 Jun. Which if he have, I nothing doubt hinu 
 So now we're down ; and now, I pray, 
 Let goody Venus lead the Way ; 
 For doubtlefs, me, of all the reft, 
 Mo ft Reafon has to know it beft, 
 As having oft, to feed her Vices, 
 Been here to feek her Friend Anchlfes. 
 
 Ven. Well, Go<vernefs of Heaven's Commander, 
 It is well known thy Tongue's no Slander ; 
 Slander to her who Slander broaches, 
 I fcorn both thee and thy Reproaches. 
 
 Merc. Fy ! \Ladies) fy ! is this your Breeding 
 To fquabble now you come to Pleading ! 
 But I fhall this Difpute decide, 
 I my ownfelf will be your Guide 5 
 
?he Scoffer fcofd, 
 
 For I remember well, when Jove 
 
 Unto young Ganymede made love, 
 
 I often on this Hill did light 
 
 To fee the little Favourite, 
 
 To bring him Plums and Mackaroons, 
 
 Which welcome are to fuch fmali Grooms i 
 
 And, when he carry'd him away, 
 
 I flew about 'em all the Way, 
 
 To hold him up : And we mufl be 
 
 Near to the Place ; for now I fee 
 
 (Or I miftake) the very Rack 
 
 Where he fat piping to his Flock, 
 
 When Jupiter in lhape of Eagle 
 
 Game, the young Stripling to inveigle, 
 
 And feising him like any Sparrow, 
 
 With his Beak holding his Tiara, 
 
 To make him fure, as fwift as Hobby, 
 
 He bare him into Heaven's Lobby ; 
 
 Whilft the poor Boy, half dead with Fear, 
 
 Writh'd back to view his Spiriter ; 
 
 And then it was that he let fall 
 
 The Flute he piping was withal, 
 
 When I, who will no Gain let go by, 
 
 Seeing my Tinre, catch'd up the Hoboy. 
 
 But here is your Commij/ioner 
 
 Of Oyer and of Terminer ; 
 
 Let's civilly falute him, pray, 
 
 And give his Lordj'hip time o'th' Day. 
 
 Good Day, thou top of Shepherds Fame. 
 
 Paris. To thee (fair Son) I wifh the fame. 
 What Ladies are thefe pretty Faces 
 Thou lead'ft into thefe defart Places ? 
 
2 54 Burlefque upon Burlefque - 9 Or, 
 They are too fine and tender, Aire, 
 Thefe fcratching Brambles to endure. 
 
 Mer. Ladies! thou {Paris) mov'fl: my Laughter p 
 They're Deities ev'ry Mother's Daughter, 
 You have before you, I'd have you know, 
 V ?nus, Minerva, and £>ueen Juno* 
 f Tis Truth I tell you {Sir) and I 
 Am Cavalier o Mercury. 
 What! thou turn'ft Colour [my good Friend) 
 And feem'ft to be at thy Wits End \ 
 Take Courage (Paris) I exhort thee, 
 We are not hither come to hurt thee i 
 But 'caufe thy Judgment we approve 
 9 Eove others, in Affairs of Love, 
 And know thee for a Fornicator, 
 We come to make thee Arbitrator 
 Of a long Suit thefe Goddejfes 
 Depending have i'th' Common-Pleas } 
 About Priority of Beauty : 
 And therefore {Paris) do thy Duty. 
 As to the reft, the Vidtors need, 
 Thou may'ft about this Apple read. 
 
 Par. Let's fee't. Hump! What's written here } 
 Give this unto the fairefi Fair. 
 Great Gods ! how mould a mortal Wit 
 Be able to determine it ! 
 Too mean Man's Skill, without Difpute, is x 
 To judge of your immortal Beauties ! 
 To judge of fuch Celeilial Lafles 
 A Swain's Capacity furpafTes ! 
 Or that if any human Wit 
 Were capable of doing it, 
 
 Some 
 
fbe Scoffer feoff* d. 
 
 Some Courtier it fhould be, no doubt, 
 Much rather than a Collin Clout . 
 If I were put to it to tell 
 Which of my Sheep does bear the Bell, 
 Or to point out the faireft Goat, 
 I'd guefs with any for a Groat ; 
 And I have fuch good Judgment in it, 
 That, perad venture, I might win it : 
 But thefe are Beauties fo Divine, 
 And all with fuch Perfections fhine, 
 That a Man's Eye has much ado 
 T'Jeave One to look on t'other Two, 
 But with the flrft fo captivated. 
 From thence he hardly can tranflate it 
 But 'tis there riveted, concluding, 
 That fair'ft is without Difputing. 
 Befides (to fpeak the Truth) my Sight 
 Si) dazzled is with fo much Light 
 Of heavenly Beauty, that I vow, 
 *Fwo Eyes, methinks, are not enow $ 
 But I at fuch a time as this 
 Would be all Eyes, as Argus is, 
 With fuller Sight to look upon 
 So much, fo rare Perfection. 
 And yet, ev'n in that State, I fear* 
 One being Wife to Jupiter, 
 The other Two his Daughters, I 
 Should do very imprudently, 
 In a Conteft of fuch high Nature, 
 As this for Preference of Feature*, 
 Either to meddle or to make, 
 But as they brew> fo let 'em bake. 
 
2 $6 Burlefque upon Burle/que f 0r 9 
 
 Merc. You fometimes may Difcretion ufe, 
 But here you can nor will nor chufe : 
 Jupiter fays it fhall be fo, 
 And what that means, you needs maft know* 
 *Tis then in vain to prate and babble, 
 His Orders are irrevocable. 
 
 Par. Why then have at 'em ! and let thofe, 
 Whofe Luck 'twill be the Prize to lofe, 
 Blame their ill Fortune, and not me, 
 For I can pleafe but One of Three. 
 
 Merc. Nay, they're all bound to that already ; 
 To Judgment therefore, and be fpeedy. 
 
 Par. Why feeing that it mail be fo, 
 Stand out {fair Ladies) all a-row : 
 Bat firft [Sir Mercery) 1 would know, 
 If I may fee 'em nak'd or no : 
 For Womens chief Per fe&ions do 
 Lie underneath their Cloaths below £ 
 Which they muft either naked fhow 
 And ftrip themfelves from Top to Toe, 
 And ev'ry Goddefs lay her Tail 
 As bare and naked as my Nail, 
 That I may fee out of the Cafe 
 Ail Things as well as Hands and Face * 
 Or I fhall never be fo wife, 
 Where I can have no ufe of Eyes, 
 With Juftice to award the Prize. 
 
 Merc. Why, thou art Domtnusfac-totum, 
 And may 'ft at will Unpetticoat 'em. 
 
 Par. Why then, if I may rule the Roaft, 
 I affeft naked Women molt ; 
 And therefore, Merfry, fo prefent 'em, 
 I may fee all that Jove has fent 'em* 
 
fbe Scoffer feoff 9 d. 257 
 
 Merc. Come, Ladies^ blanch you to your Skins, 
 'Tis but a Penance for your Sins, 
 And what you are oblig'd to do ; 
 Your Governor will have it fo. 
 And, whilft your Judge with learing Eyes 
 Into each Chink and Cranny pries 
 Of all your Curiofities, 
 I'll be fo civil, and fo wife, 
 Left any Mifchief ftiould arife, 
 To turn my Back, which is of all 
 Refpe&s the moft unnatural ; 
 And, whilft your Treafure you difplay, 
 Turn my Calves-head another way. 
 
 Ven. Why, an ? t be your Worftiip's Eafe, 
 You may e'en do fo if you pleafe ; 
 But other wife (my modeft Don) 
 Some here can abide Looking on ; 
 And, tho' you are a -nimble one, 
 Let our Apparel i)ut alone, 
 And there is nothing, I dare fay, 
 Your Modefty can fteal away. 
 In the mean time, Gramercy Paris ! 
 He loves, I fee, that Play that fair is, 
 And moft judiciously has fpoken, 
 He will not buy a Pig a Poke in ; 
 But wifely will bring all Things out, 
 And fee within Doors and without ; 
 And I will mew thee fuch a Sight, 
 That if thou haft an Appetite, 
 And art indeed, a true-bred Cock, 
 When I pull off my Cambrick-Smock, 
 Shall make thee glory in thy Being, 
 And blefs Jove for thy Senfe of Seeing, 
 
 Thm'k 
 
258 Burlefque upon Burlefque s Or, 
 
 Thou'lt then fee I not only have 
 
 Eyes, Cheeks, and Lips that can enflave, 
 
 And outward Beauties (or elfe fome lye) 
 
 As captivating and as comely, 
 
 As either Juno's here, or Hers, 
 
 Who ftand my fair Competitors 5 
 
 But fuch a Skin, fo fmooth and fupple, 
 
 Of Legs fo white a parting Couple, 
 
 Such Knees, fuch Thighs, and fuch a Buml 
 
 And fuch a, fuch a Modicum, 
 
 Shall make thy melting Mouth to water 
 
 Perhaps by Fits, for fev'n Years after. 
 
 Pal. Take heed [young Paris) thou'rt a Nov 
 And that the cunning Dame of Lo<ve is ; 
 Look not upon her, 'tis not beft, 
 Until (he have put off her Ceft ; 
 For ftie's a Sorcerefs, and carries 
 Enchantments in it, Monfieur Paris. 
 She's nought but Treachery and Treafon, 
 Nor, to fay truly, is it Reafon, 
 Now that her Beauty s brought to th' Teft, 
 That Ihe (hall come fo finely dreft, 
 Like a patch'd Minx, and painted Whore ; 
 But when fhe comes her Judge before, 
 As Hie came into th' World, I take it, 
 Should appear open, plain, and naked, 
 Strip'd of her Pouncings and Devices, 
 Her Shifts, her Tricks, and Artifices. 
 
 Par. Troth, fhe fpeaks Reafon ; come, lay 
 Tha.t tawdry Girdle prefently. 
 
 Ven. Make her her Helmet then lay by, 
 She fhall be ftrip'd as well as I, 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d. 259 
 
 There's no Enchantment in my Ceji : 
 
 But that fame Cask has fuch a Creft, 
 
 As is enough, to look on it, 
 
 To fright ,a Shepherd out on's Wit. 
 
 Sure, {he's afraid that her blue Eyes 
 
 Want Power to obtain the Prize, 
 
 And if Ihe finds they cannot do't, 
 
 She means to fright or beat thee to't : 
 
 And I commend her Wifdom truly ; 
 
 For her blue Eyes will come off bluely.- 
 Pal. No, I as thee as foon will ftrip ; 
 
 And for to pleafe your Ladyjkip, 
 1 There lies the over-awing Crefi. 
 I Ven. 'Tis very brave, and there's my Ceji : 
 
 Jun. Fie, what a tedious Work you make it ! 
 I Let's ftrip, I long to be ftark-naked : 
 \ And now we naked are (Sir Parts) 
 9 Confider, pray, which the moft fair is. 
 I Par. Ay, marry, here's a Sight worth feeing, 
 1 Tho' one had fpent's Eftate in feeing, 
 I Oh what rare Flefh ! what Excellencies ! 
 j What dainty, fuper-dainty Wenches ! 
 i What a brave Lafs is Madam Pall! 
 . What State does Juno move withal ! 
 
 By which 'tis evident they are 
 t Daughter and Wife to Jupiter. 
 
 But Venus is, indeed, a Pearl ; 
 
 Did ever Man fee fuch a Girl ? 
 t Oh, what a lovely Face is there ! 
 
 What crifped Locks of amber Hair ! 
 
 What a white Neck ! what Breafts ! what Shoulders s 
 
 Belly and Back to catch Beholders ! 
 
 What 
 
26o Burhfque upon Burlefque \ Or, 
 
 What Hips I what Handles ! what rare Thighs 
 
 Enough to make the Dead to rife ! 
 
 To which, in Love Pm not fo Ample, 
 
 But to obferve fhe has a Dimple, 
 
 And fuch a one, as who would not 
 
 Put all the tlejb into the Put P 
 
 In fine (as good Sir Martin fay ft 
 
 I have not Wit enough to praife 
 
 The fev'ral Beauties and the Graces 
 
 Adorn them all in all their Places $ 
 
 The Sight whet eof's a 'Happinefs 
 
 Too great for Tongue or Pen t'exprefs, 
 
 Nay, any one cf them would be 
 
 Too much for mortal Eye to fee. 
 
 Yet, fince the mighty Jupiter 
 
 Has my poor J udgment priz'd fo far, 
 
 As fimple Me a Judge to make, 
 
 That in my Choice I mayn't miftake, 
 
 And thruft, like over greedy 
 
 My Spoon into th' wrong Porridge -pot, 
 
 Better to manifeft my Art, 
 
 I'll ftudy every one apart, 
 
 And view 'em one by one at Leifure, 
 
 ^ Which alfo will prolong my Pleafure.) 
 
 For, in beholding them in Mujler, 
 
 They do confound me fo with Ludre, 
 
 I fnall my Reputation lofe, 
 
 And ne'er know rightly how to chufe. 
 
 Ven. Content ; my Caufe I nothing doubt* 
 And ftare till both thy Eyes ftart out. 
 
 Par* Why then, let Madapi Juno flays 
 She's the beft Woman {by my Fay) 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d. 
 
 And, whilfl: her Beauties I admire, 
 I'll have the other Two retire, 
 
 J tin. Come on ( Sir Paris) now furvey me 
 And turn me round as thou wouldft ha' me, 
 I'll (land or lie as thou doft pray me, 
 And moppe too, if thou'lt not betray me. 
 But when thou round about haft ey'd me, 
 High, low, between, and ev'ry Side me, 
 (Young Pari:) I would thee advife, 
 In loving and in courteous wife, 
 To think that thy Perferment lies 
 In thy awarding me the Prize : 
 And tho' I need not bribe nor fuc 
 For that I know to be my Due, 
 Yet, if thou'lt favour me this Day, 
 I'll make thee King of Jjza. 
 
 Par. Troth, I am not ambitious, Madam 
 And as for Kingdoms, if I had 'em, 
 To King- it pafies my poor Skill , 
 And I mould be a Shepherd ftii!. 
 But this the fhort is, and the long. 
 Til do your Majefty no wrong : 
 And now I've feen what I defire, 
 Be pleas'd, I pray you, to retire, 
 And fend my Lady Pallas hither. 
 For I can't deal with two together. 
 
 Pal. Here (thou beft Judge of beft Deferts) 
 contemplate on Minerva's Parts : 
 [ • hope, or thou deferveft Whipping, 
 j Thou wilt give me the Golden-Pippin : 
 | Vhich if thou doll {Youth, mark me well) 
 '11 render thee invincible : 
 
262 Burlefque upon Buriefque ; Or % 
 
 And whether thou with doughty Knight, 
 ArmM, or unarm'd, malt enter Fight; 
 Nay, with a Giant, or an Ettin, 
 Thou ever fhalt be fure to beat him. 
 
 Par. Lady, I never did delight in 
 This fcurvy dangVous Thing call'd Fighting ; 
 And therefore mall not be a Dealer 
 Jn the Commodity calPd Valour. 
 Eefides, my Father's Kingdoms are 
 Quiet {Thanks he to Jo<ve) from War % 
 I with a Taylor play'd, indeed, 
 At Cudgel, but he broke my Head ; 
 And had fuch fcurvy Luck in Battle, 
 I rather had by half tend Cattle ; 
 But, tho* I'm but a Coantry-Peafanr, 
 I'll not be brib'd with Gift nor Prefent ; 
 And yet I can't but thank you ftill 
 (Fine Madam) for your gr tat good Will, 
 Which I fo kindly take, I fwear, 
 My Equity you need not fear; 
 For Vll do Juftice, right or wrong, 
 And there* s an End of an old Song, 
 But to advife you I'll be bold, 
 Pray, d'on your Cloaths, fear taking Cold, 
 And your fteel Cap will do no harm, 
 To keep your harned Head piece warm ; 
 And pray, as hence you do go fro me, 
 Send Madam Venus, hither to me. 
 
 Venus. Here's Venus, that you call for fo ; 
 Survey me now from Top to Toe : 
 And if thou find'ft, when thou haft view'd me, 
 Any one Wrinkle more than fhou'd be. 
 
The Scoffer fiojpj. 
 Or if my Bum have any Flaws in't, 
 
 til give thee Leave to put thy Nofe in't. 
 \ I'll tell thee without Fraud or Guile, 
 
 I have, and for no little while, 
 
 (Having ta'en Note of thy Defert, 
 
 And what a pretty Fellow th'art, 
 
 Thy Youth, thy Feature, Shape, and Fafliion) 
 
 Had on thee very great Companion, 
 
 To fee thee tending rotten Flocks, 
 
 Among!* thefe folitary Rocks, 
 
 Great Cities, nor AJemhlies heeding, 
 
 Where young Men ufe to get their Breeding : 
 
 But waiting here thy Time in Caverns, 
 
 Which would be better fpent in Taverns 
 
 What's to be learnt amongrt thefe Groves, 
 
 By ftill converfing with thy Droves, 
 
 I prithee, fay, and do not lye, 
 
 But Ignorance and Clownery? 
 
 What Pleafure's in this Rural Life ? 
 fTis Time that thou hadft got a Wife, 
 l;Or,. which is better, a fine Mifs, 
 
 ttot fome coarfe $un-lurnt Trull, I w i s ; 
 
 But of fam'd Argos fome rare Piece, 
 
 ^.Corinth, or fome Town in Greece, 
 
 >uch as the Spartan Helen is, 
 
 ier Sex's Pride and Mailer-piece, 
 Rs handfome Parish of his. 
 
 And who (I know it) is as free, 
 
 >uxom, and amorous as He. 
 
 Lnd if the little wanton Tit 
 i !ut faw thee once, I'm fure of it, 
 
 he would both Home and Husband quit, 
 
 Io follow thee for dainty Bit ; 
 M z 
 
2^4 Bitrlefque upon. Burlefque \ Or y 
 She would both love and long fo fore ; 
 Didft never hear of her before ? 
 
 Par. No, ne'er a Syllable (I vow ;) 
 ;But very fain would hear it now. 
 
 Ven. Why, flie is Daughter to that * Fair, * Lccda 
 For whom our arnrous 'Jupiter 
 Transformed himfelf into a S-xuan 
 Her Mai den- head for to trapan. 
 
 Par. And is me fo wonderfully fair ? 
 
 Ven. Why, what a Country queft ion's there ! 
 How mould (he, canft thi;u think, be other, 
 Having a Swan unto her Mother ? 
 Nor is fhe grofs you may fuppofe, 
 Whom an Egg-Jbell did once enclofe. 
 Hadit feen her once wreftle a Prize, 
 Naked, as 'tis her Country- guife, 
 I dare moll confidently fwear, 
 Thou'dft long to try a Fall with her, 
 Already they're at Wars about her ; 
 For ^befeiis, like a boift'rous Suiter, 
 To fpirit her away made bold, 
 When fhe was but poor ten Years old, 
 A little fnotty Qhiiterling ; 
 But now fhe's quite another Thing. 
 A Miracle, I do proteft, 
 Her Beauty with her Age's increas'd, 
 That fhe is now the only Mifs 
 Of all the fpruce young Maids of Greece. 
 A thoufand Suiters all have fought her % 
 But Menelaus now has got her ; 
 Yet, for all that, mew me but Favour, 
 And fay the Word, and thou ftialt have her* 
 
?be Scoffer feoff d. 
 
 Par. How can I have her (that's a Jefl i) 
 When fhe is married, thou fay'ft ? 
 
 Ven. Is that a Thing to be fo wondred ? 
 Tis the leaft Matter of a Hundred ; 
 For that, Man, never fcratch thy Pate v 
 I can do greater Feats than that. 
 In the mean time (Sir) by your Leave, - 
 You're a meer Novice, I perceive. 
 
 Par* But which way you intend to go 
 About it [Madam) I would know. 
 
 Ven. Why the Defign of it is this, 
 Thou fhalt go travel into Greece. 
 Wherein thy main Pretence mail be 
 Only for Cariofityy 
 
 To fee what thou haft heard the Fame on \ 
 
 And when thou com'ft to Lace daemon, 
 
 Ere thou'rt well got into thy Inn, 
 
 I'm certain that the lovely Queen 
 
 Will forthwith make her Hen-peck* d Spoufe 
 
 Sent to invite thee to his Houfe, 
 
 Which is as fair as fair can be ; 
 
 And for the reft, leave that to me. 
 
 Par. Why, I will try my Luck, in Goddle ? 
 But it won't fink into my Noddle, 
 That fuch an admirable Piece, 
 The very Flow'r and Pride of Greece, 
 And a great Queen, as that you mean, 
 Should be fo impudent a Quean, 
 To leave her Country, and her Honey, 
 To whom fhe's join'd in Matrimony, 
 And run away with fuch a one 
 As I, a Stranger and unknown* 
 
 M 3< 
 
 Fen. 
 
i96 BurJefque upon Burlefque^ Or y 
 
 Ven. Why, I confefs, it fcmething odd is, 
 But there's the Power of the Goddefs ; 
 And that's a Trick that I defie 
 Beft on 'em all to do but I. 
 Now, I two Sons have, you muft Jfrtow, 
 Which thefe mirac'lous Feats can do> 
 Of which the one by Art is able 
 To make a Party amiable ; 
 And t'other has the Pow'r to move 
 Who fees that Lovelinefs, to love. 
 In order then to this Defign, 
 I mean to place thefe Brats of mine, 
 Who are t'efFecl this Enterprize, 
 One of them (Parrs) in thine Eyes, 
 And t' other I'll convey by Art 
 Into fair Helen's tender Heart : 
 Which being order'd (by my troth) 
 The Devil muft be in you both, 
 If what remaias do want Fulfilling, 
 When both of you are made fo willing. 
 But yet on furer Grounds to go, 
 (For one can't be too fure, you know) 
 I'll give thee two Strings to thy Bow* 
 And thou (halt have with thee the Graces^ 
 (Three very pretty little LalTes, 
 Who can do much in fuch like Cafes) 
 In thy Adventure to attend thee, 
 Whofe Services will much befriend thee 5 
 For they, to grace thee not defpifmg, 
 Shall daily wait upon thy Rifing, 
 (And never AJian Cavaliers 
 Could boaft they had fuch Chambriers) 
 
fbe Scoffer feoff* J. 267 
 
 Where drefiing thee e.ach Day, the whiles 
 
 One tricks thy Face in winning Smiles, . 
 
 With greater Power to accoft her ; 
 
 T'others in fuch a fwimming Pofture 
 
 r rhy Arms and Hands, thy Legs and Feet, 
 
 In fuch a graceful Mien mall fer, 
 
 As ihall, if Nell have any Senfe, 
 
 So tickle her Concupifcence> 
 
 That (lie will run the whole World over 
 
 With fuch a rare aecomplinVd Lover. 
 Par. Thefe are fine Promifes, indeed, 
 
 And tho' Jove knows how 1 ihall fpeed, 
 
 Yet Fm fo ravifh'd with this Geer, 
 
 'I hat I already burn to fee'r ; 
 
 And you. have [Madam) : fet m* Ambition 
 
 So hot upon this Expedition, 
 
 That ere a Man can fay, what's thi", 
 
 Methlnks, Fm travelling to Greece, 
 
 Am come to Sparta fafe as may be, 
 
 Have feen, attack'd, and wan the Lady ; 
 ' Who having with her Jewels lin'd me, 
 ' And being lightly whipt behind me, ; J 
 
 None to our Journey being privy, 
 
 Am polling her to Troy Tantivy ; 
 ' All which does in my Mind fo run, 
 
 That I am mad it is not done. 
 
 Ven. Soft ! do not fpur too fait, you Dapple, 
 
 Till firft y'ave given me the Apple* 
 
 There lies my Service's Rewarding ; 
 
 That I mull have, or elfe no Bargain. 
 
 Then give it me, I prithee, do ; 
 
 Come, come, thou know'ft it is my Due ; 
 
 M 4 
 
 I elfe 
 
268 Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Or, 
 
 I elfe (hall either fret and fume, or 
 
 So mufty be and out of Humor, 
 
 That the Event is to be doubted, 
 
 T1i ne'er go chearfully about it : 
 
 And then, be fure, no good can come, 
 
 For one mud never go Hum- drum 
 
 About fo nice a Work as this is ; 
 
 But it is Mettle carries Miffes 
 
 And therefore, without more Protraction, 
 
 Give me the little Satisfaction ; 
 
 And (Paris) when thou com'il to Bedding, 
 
 Oh, how I'll tnp it at thy Wedding ! 
 
 Par. Nay, you're a Jigger f we all know \ 
 But if you fnould deceive me now ! 
 
 Ven. Who, I deceive thee ! Never fear me ; 
 But, if thou art diftruftful, fwear me! 
 
 Par. No, that Security's too common, 
 Befides, Oaths never bind a Woman : 
 .But [Madam) if you can afford 
 Once more to promife on your JVcrd % 
 That J mall have this bonny Nejfy $ 
 More of my Mind I then mail tell ye, 
 
 Fen. Why then, Know all Men by thefe Prefefltf 
 That fpite of Princefs, Courtiers, Peafant$ y 
 And all both Man and Woman-kind, 
 J here myfelf mod firmly bind 
 To give thee Helen Pride of Greece % 
 To be thine own Lyndabrides ; 
 That I will pay down Spartah Spoufe 
 In the now very Dwelling-houfe 
 Of Seignior Priam King of Troy ; 
 And then [Sir Paris) give you Joy. 
 
 Nay, 
 
The 'Scoffer feoff d. 26 
 
 Nay, I do bind myfelf befide, 
 To be in Perfon mine thy Guide, 
 And will (fince thy Wit won't fufnee) 
 Carry on the whole Enterprize. 
 
 Par. You my Requeft are gone beyond, 
 I [Madam) did demand no Bond. 
 And will you bring your Cupids too 
 (My lovely Dame) along with you f 
 
 Ven. Pi/h! never doubt it, Man, Pll'do't, 
 Dejtre and Hymen too to boot. 
 
 Par. Then call the others in that went hence, 
 That I may now proceed to Sentence, 
 Fair GoddeiTes, I pray, draw near, 
 
 Jupifer has employ'd me here 
 In fuch a very nice Affair, 
 So much, indeed, againft the Flair, 
 That, had his Majejly thought fit 
 To have exempted me from it, 
 I would have given (or I'm a Knave) 
 A Score of the bed E-i;es I have : 
 But, fmce he's pleas'd to have it To, 
 I mull per-force obey, you know ; 
 Yet, ere I do pronounce the Sentence, 
 Let me, upon this ilnall Acquaintance., 
 Entreat the Lofers to be civil, 
 And at my Hands not take it evil; 
 If I like one above the reft, 
 I cannot help it, I proteft. 
 
 Here is a Go/den Apple here, 
 "Which muft be thought fuch Price to bear 
 (Thro' Cunning o'th' malicious * Donor) * The Goddi 
 That none, forfooth, muft be the Owner, Difcordi 
 
 M s B 
 
270 Burkfque upon Burlefque ; Or 9 
 
 But (he who is the faireft Fair ; 
 
 When, from my Heart, I vow and fwear, 
 
 And, without Fraud or Flattery, 
 
 There is not one of all you three 
 
 For whom a Bumel's not too few, 
 
 Had but your Beauties half their Due. 
 
 Which Beauties (gentle Madams) I 
 
 Confider'd have impartially. 
 
 And find them all fo excellent, 
 
 That truly I could be content, 
 
 Were it confident with my Duty, 
 
 To give to each the Prize of Beauty : 
 
 But I am ty'd, when all is done, 
 
 T*award it only unto One. 
 
 Now, Venus being in thofe Parts 
 
 Which have the greateft Pow'r o'er Hearts, 
 
 The moft exadly fliap'd of all, 
 
 I judge to her the Golden Ball. 
 
 Juno. Learnedly fpoke ! I had not car'd, 
 If -Pallas here had been preferred ; 
 But to beftow it on that Trapes > 
 It mads me ! 
 
 Pallas. Hang him, Jack an -apes. 
 
The Scoffer Scoff d. 271 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Mars and Mercury. 
 
 Mars. TJ Aft heard o'th' loud Rhodomontads 
 That t'other Day Jupiter made t 
 Which was, That if we on this Faffiiott 
 Daily provok'd his Indignation, 
 He would, if anger'd once again, 
 From Hea<v'n to Earth let down a Chain, 
 With which he up to him would hale 
 Mankind, the Elements, and all, 
 With fuch a mighty- Strength, that, tho* 
 We all had hokl of it beiow, 
 And pulPd to ftay't, we could not do't, 
 But he would pall us up to boot. 
 Of all us Deities alone 
 Now, I muft needs confefs, no one 
 -Is able near, unlefs he lift, 
 To grapple with his Mutton- fill ;.. 
 And he will lofe, whoever vies 
 With him at any Exercife : 
 
 But to imagine that all we <L 
 So brave a jolly Company, / 
 Join'd all together, mould not be IT 
 As ftrong, nay, ftronger far than flh J 
 In truth, in him I do conceive it 
 An Arrogancy to believe it, 
 
 M A .AM 
 
272 Burlefque upon Burufqut \ Or % 
 
 And Vanity devoid of Wit, 
 So openly to publiih it. 
 And yet for all his mighty Vaunting, 
 His Domineering, and his Ranting, 
 All of the Gods, and I and you know, 
 When Neptune, Pallas, and Queen June, 
 By Combination had trapann'd him, 
 And had intended to have chain'd him, 
 He'd much ado, tho' his Strength fuch is, 
 To dif-engage him from their Clutches : 
 Nor had he done it for all that, 
 (Tho' now he vapour can and prate) 
 For all his ftriving and his ftruggling, 
 His writhing, wriggling, and his juggling, 
 Nor all his Strength, which now fo great is, 
 Had not his oM Friend, Madam Thetis, 
 In time of Danger fent him there 
 Briar eus the Hot cockle-Play V, 
 With a whole hundred Clutter-Ms, 
 To dif-engage him from the Lifts. 
 And, by my Faith, he came in Seafon 
 * A Po refcue him from the High-treafon ; 
 Or elfe, with this my huffing Don 
 J know not how it would have gone. 
 
 Merc, Prithee, hank up thy Tongue again 
 And do not give it fo much Rein : 
 Thefe Words do make my Ears to tingle : 
 *Tis well that thou and I are fingle ; 
 This Languagejs unfafe, I fwear, 
 For thee to fpeak, or me to hear. 
 
fbe Scoffer feoff* d. 
 
 Mars. Doft think I have fo little Wit 
 To talk thus unto all I meet ? 
 No, Friend, I wifer am than fo, 
 I know well whom I fpeak it to ; 
 One, who not only has a Talent 
 In fpeak ing, but in being filent : 
 But, fnould another chance to come, 
 Of Mayors not a Word, but Mum. 
 
 D I A L O G U 
 
 Pan and Mercury. 
 
 Pan. f>Ood Morrow (Father!) how doft do ? 
 
 Merc. Good Morrow, Son, fince 'tmuft be fo I 
 
 But why calTft thou me Father, trow ? 
 
 For to behold thofe goodly Horns, 
 
 That py*d Beard; which thy Face adorns, 
 
 That fingle w igging at thy Butt, 
 
 Thofe Gambrels, and that Clcven-foot, 
 
 Thou doft much more (not to diffemble) 
 
 A He -goat than a God refemble. 
 
 Tan. 'Tis very well ! But all this while 
 Thou thine own I flue doft revile, 
 And giv'ft thyfelf many foul Rubs. 
 Prithee, what's He that gets fuch Cubs? 
 For all this handfome Shape, you fee, 
 Came from my Father, and thou'rt he* 
 
-4274 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; Or, 
 
 Merc. I would thou couldft perfuade me to it ! 
 But thou'lt have much ado to do it ! 
 I'll make much of myfelf, I'd need, 
 If but in Rev'rence to my Breed. 
 But if thy happy Sire I am, 
 Who, the great Devil, was thy Dam ? 
 Did I not meet with fome She-Goat 
 Travefty'd in a Petticoat ? 
 For never Aire did Woman bear 
 So uncouth a prodigious Heir. 
 
 Pan. No, Father, I would have thee know*t>. 
 Thou didfl not couple with a Goat} 
 Th'aft not forgot yet, I dare fay, 
 How once in fair Arcadia 
 With beaftly Luft, and barb'rous Pow'r, 
 Thou didft a pretty Maid deflow'r : 
 Whatneed'ft thou bite thy Fingers Ends? 
 I only fpeak it amongft Friends. 
 It is Penelope I mean. 
 
 Merc. I do remember fuch a $Zuean y 
 A pretty Girl ! But how could fhe 
 Bring out fo foul a Beaft as thee* 
 More like a Devil than like me I 
 
 Pan. Nay, I'm as like my Dad, in footh y 
 As he had fpit me out on's Mouth, 
 That is, as like what then thou wert, 
 When thou play'dft that uncivil Part $ 
 For then, if th'aft it not forgot, 
 Thou turnd'ft thyfelf into a Goat, 
 With a Face foul as any Vizor, 
 In Policy for to furprize her. 
 
 Merc. Yes, I remember ; out upon it ! 
 But troth, I am afham'd to own it. 
 
<The Scoffer fcoff+d. 2 
 
 Part. Faith, for the Rape I cannot blarw ye, 
 But as for me, I mall not fhame ye, 
 And few there are preferr'd before me ; 
 For, befides that, they do adore me 
 All o'er Arcadia ; where pofTeft 
 I'm of thoufand Flocks at leaft ; 
 My Qualities have purchas'd Fame, 
 For Doclor I of Mufick am ; 
 And more have made my Valour known 
 In the great Field of Marathon ; 
 For which good Service the Athenians 
 Have given me a line Convenience 
 Wherein to fit, eat, drink, or fnort, 
 A Grotto underneath their Fort, 
 Where thou malt fee, if thou com r ft thither, 
 How highly [ am honour'd [Father.) 
 
 Merc. What, art thou marry'd ? 
 
 Pan. No, not yetf 
 
 1 hitherto have had more Wit. 
 
 Merc. I wonder at it not, in truth ; 
 For who'd have fuch a fweet-fac'd Youth ? 
 : Pan. Pirn ! had I nothing elfe to do, 
 [(Father) I could have Wives enow, 
 And therefore that's a vain Objection : 
 But I've fo am'rous a Complexion, 
 And do with Love fa fcald and burn, 
 One Wife would never ferve my Turn. 
 
 Merc. Thou bugger' ft then the Goats, I doubt* 
 
 Pan. Good Words ! no, I'm not fo put to't , 
 Echo and Pitys, full of BlifTes, 
 Are both content to be my Mijfes, 
 And all the Rout of Bacchanals 
 Come with a Powder, when Pan calls j 
 
<iy6 Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Or, 
 
 By which {Good Father) you may know., 
 I better fpend my Time than fo. 
 
 Merc. Believe't, they're wond'rous kind to thee, * 
 And 'tis no Wonder tho' they be, 
 Th'all fuch a charming Phys^mony. 
 But I have a Requeft unto thee, 
 Will do me good, and no harm do thee* 
 It is fo final 1 ; which is, that feeing 
 I was fo blefs'd to give thee Being, 
 Thou in return will be fo civil 
 As not to pay my good with evil, 
 But wherefoe'er we chance to meet 
 In Houfe or Field, or in the Street, 
 So oft as we fhall come together, 
 Thou do forbear to call me Father^ 
 For, not to mince the Verity, 
 I'm damnably afham'd of thee : 
 But for this once fhake Hands and part* 
 And fo farewel with all my Heart. 
 
 D I 
 
The Scoffer feoff' d. 277 ■ 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Apollo and Bacchus. 
 
 Ap. VfTHo'd think that fuch a J.ukan-ape as 
 
 Cupid, the mighty- tooi'd Priapus, 
 And Androginus, of all others, 
 Should all of the fame Womb be Brothers, 
 Being fo much alike in Feature, 
 In Humour, and in Shape, and Stature ; 
 For one's a little Gcddikin, 
 No bigger than a Skittle-pin, 
 Yet little as he is, can fcare us 
 If once he takes his Bow and Arrows ; 
 And, of the other two, the latter 
 Can make nor Man's nor Maiden's Water $ 
 The t' other fomewhere is more tall 
 By Handfuls than the beft on's all. 
 
 Bacchus, Why this Diver fity each gathers 
 From the Variety of Fathers ; 
 Tho' ev'ry Day, indeed, prefents 
 As great and ft range a Difference, 
 Ev'n amongft thofe who had no other 
 But the fame Father and the fame Mother. 
 
 ApoL Yet 'tis quite otherwife, you fee, 
 Betwixt my Sifter Die and me, 
 Who the fame Virtues have and Vices, 
 And follow the fame Exercifes^ 
 
 Bank 
 
2 ^ 3 Burlefque upon Burlcfque ; Or* 
 
 Bacch. But the mad Hag in Petticoats 
 Jn Scythians bufy, Cutting Throats, 
 Whilfl thou doft Men of Money fleece 
 With giving Pbyjic here in Greece ; 
 And pray, what Sympathy s in this ? 
 
 ApoL Why, Bacchus, doll thou think that fhe 
 Takes a Delight in Cruelty, 
 In hearing Blood in Throats to rottle, 
 Like Liquor from a ftrait-mouth'd Bottle ? 
 Alas ! fhe only does it, me, 
 Meerly out o£ Complacency, 
 T 1 accommodate herfelf to th' Fafhien, 
 And Humour of that barbVous Nation ; 
 At which Ihe takes fo great Offence, 
 That fhe but waits to ileal from thence, 
 When any Grecian Ship comes thither, 
 To take her in, and bring her hither, 
 
 Bac. Why, truly, then I do commend her* 
 And a good Gale of Wind Jove fend her. 
 In the mean time, I needs muft tell you,. 
 Priapus is a beaflly Fellow : 
 For (no one being by but us) 
 Calling afs Houfe at Lampfacus, 
 After we'd eaten well, and much, 
 And quaff'd it fmartly upfy-Dutch, 
 It being pretty coldifh Weather, 
 He needs mufl have us lie together ; 
 And fo we did, when in the Night, 
 When leafl (I fwear) I dreamt of it, 
 Betwixt fome twelve and one a Clock* 
 He tilts his Tantrum at my Nock, 
 Till, with Extremity of Pain, 
 He plainly made me roar ajaiiw. 
 
The Scoffer feoff 9 d. 2 7 9 
 
 ApoL A very edifying Story ! 
 And what did you, whilft he did bore ye ? 
 
 Bac. What mould I do, but make the belt on't ? 
 I only laugh'd and made a Jell on't ? 
 
 Ap. Some would, perhaps, have kept a Pother | 
 But thou, I think, couldft do no other, 
 But put on Patience, and lie ftill ; 
 Alas ! he did it in good Will, 
 And it had been Ill-nature in thee, 
 When he good Meat and Drink had giv'n thee, 
 For to grudge him who fed thee gratis t \ 
 So fmall a Courtefy as that is. 
 Befides, he great Temptations had, 
 For thou'rt a pretty fmock-fae'd Lad. 
 
 Bac. But yet o'th' Two (my Friend Apollo) 
 Thou art by much the pretty'r Fellow 
 And therefore if he once make Suit t'ye 
 To lie in's Houfe, faith, look about ye. 
 
 Ap. Well, well! but he were belt take heed 
 How he attacks my Maiden-bead : 
 His mighty Irapftick cannot fcare us, 
 For we have good Yew-bow and Arrows, 
 As well as a white Wig to tempt him j 
 And, if he draw, he will repent him, 
 Befides, I'm fo fet round with Light, 
 And am withal fo quick of Sight, 
 That much I do not need to fear 
 To be furprized in my Rear* 
 
 D I A r 
 
2 So Burlefque. upon Burlefque •> Or, 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Mercury, £/j Mother Maya. 
 
 Merc. T> Eftow your Counfel on fome other, 
 
 *Tis Labour loft on me M>/£<?/- 5} 
 For ere 1*11 lead the Life I do, 
 Ave be this Drudg*, I tell you true, 
 And fb Til tell old Father bajber, 
 I am refolv'd, ev'n to turn Thro/her. 
 S'Fifli ! I'm a Slave, a Pack-Horfe made : 
 Would I'd been Prentice to a Trade, 
 Or bred up with fome honefl Farmer* 
 Who would have clad me perhaps warmer* 
 Though not fo fine, and gtv'n me reft, 
 And not have work'd me like a Beaft. 
 A God, quotha! No Deity 
 Was ever, fure, To us'd as I : 
 But, ere this Life Til longer lead, 
 I'll ftroll for Lower, or beg my Bread, 
 And run, nay, fly, let who will hear me* 
 Far as my Legs or Wings will bear me, 
 
 Maya. Nay, prithee Son, govern thy Paffion, 
 And do not talk of this wild Fafhion. 
 
 Merc. Why fhould I not fpeak out [forfooth) 
 So long as I fpeak nought but Truth ? 
 Tut ! tut ! I fcorn to mince the Matter ; 
 I was not bred to lye and flatter : 
 
 And 
 
The Scoffer feoff* L 
 
 And being thus abus'd mult fpeak, 
 
 And eafe my Heart, or it will break. 
 
 I fpeak no Treafon. Have I not 
 
 Very good Reafon : to find fault, 
 
 When Jupiter does force' on me 
 
 More Work, more Toil, and Drudgery, 
 
 (Which, Mother, cannot be deny'd) 
 
 Than upon all the Gods befide ? 
 
 Firft, I by Spring of Day mufl come 
 
 To warn and rub the Dining-room ; 
 
 {Which does not always fmell of Amber) 
 
 Next, I mufl clean the Council-Chamber, 
 
 And dull the Woo,! packs : After that 
 
 I mud go drefs the Rooms of State, 
 
 Brum Cufhions, Chairs, and Foot-cloths too* 
 
 \ Which takes up no fmall Time to do.) 
 
 Nay, all this yet will not fuffice, 
 
 But, I mufl fweep the Galleries, 
 
 Tho' others are more fit to do'c, 
 
 The Lobbies and Backjlairs to boat : 
 
 Then having fwept my Face of Fat, 
 
 Powder'd, and put a clean Crevat, 
 
 I mufl iW Anti Chamber wait 
 
 Jupiter s Rifing to receive 
 
 Such Orders as he's pleas'd to give. 
 
 (Which ever num'rous are, no doubt) 
 
 And then mud carry them about, . 
 
 Work that requires a fupple Ham. 
 
 Then Steward I o'th' Houjbold am, 
 
 Yes, and Cup-bearer too, at leafl, 
 
 As often as he makes a Feaft, . 
 
 And had that Office evVy Day 
 
 Till Ganymede came into Play » 
 
282 Burkfque upon Burlefque-, Or, 
 
 But all this Work is nothing yet, 
 
 And I could well away with it : 
 
 And that, by which I am opprefs'd, 
 
 Is, that at Night, when all's released, 
 
 And every one goes to his Reft, 
 
 No one but me employ he can 
 
 To convoy a great Caravan 
 
 Of pale-fac'd dead Folks i*nto Hells 
 
 Company that i'th' JSTight might well 
 
 The flouted God in Hea<vn daunt ; 
 
 Where alfo, before Rhadamant 
 
 I muft indicl and profecute 'em, 
 
 Which ere by Law we can confute 'em, 
 
 Repeating every little Crime, 
 
 Does take up fuch a World of Time, 
 
 The Day is ready for to peep in ; 
 
 And then what Time have I to fleep in ? 
 
 And yet all this, this Jupiter, 
 
 Whom I have ferv'd fo many Year, 
 
 (Wherein h'as had good Service on me) 
 
 The Confcience has t' impofe upon me, 
 
 As not enough employ'd I were 
 
 In being Serjeant, Orator, 
 
 Cup-bearer, Wrejller, and what not, 
 
 But I muft on thofe Errands trot, 
 
 To be deprived of the Reft 
 
 Mortals allow to every Beaft. 
 
 Cajior and Pollux, each one knows, 
 
 By turns are fuffer'd to repofe ; 
 
 But I am toft like Tennis- Ball, 
 
 And am allow'd no Reft at all. 
 
 But am difpatch'd both Morn and Ev'n 
 
 From Heav'n to Earth, from Earth to Heav'n 
 
the Scoffer fc off' d. 
 
 Whilll Bacchus here, and Hercules, 
 
 Who are no Sons of GoddeJ/es, 
 
 As I am, but more meanly born, 
 
 Of wretched Mortals, and forlorn, 
 
 At great Jo<ve*% Board in Feaft and Play 
 
 Merrily pafs the Time away. 
 
 I need had of a Horfe to ride on : 
 
 For I'm but juft now come from Sidon, 
 
 Where I have with Europa been ; 
 
 But I am fen t away agen 
 
 To Argos with another Ho<w-d'ye, 
 
 To Danae, a wretched Dowdy, 
 
 When I am almoft fpent, I vow t'ye ; 
 
 Nay, more than that, I muft, they fay, 
 
 Make too Bceotia in my Way, 
 
 To vifit there Antiopa. 
 
 But flatly Fve refus'd to do it ; 
 
 For (Mother) I'll not melt my Suet 
 
 For no good Words that can be given, 
 
 Nor ne'er a Jupiter in Heaven. 
 
 And tho' ('tis true, he keeps me brave, 
 
 On's Service I fuch Comfort have, 
 
 I fometimes would be fold a Slaye, 
 
 And run the Rifque of all Difaller, 
 
 Fall what fall can, to change my Matter. 
 
 Maya, Come, prithee* moderate thy Paf* 
 Thefe are but Words of Indignation. 
 I'll have no Talk of Parting neither : 
 What \ what! you muft obey your Father, 
 And never think he does you wrong ; 
 You muft take Pains too, whilft you're young, 
 
284 Burlefque upon Burlefque \ Or, 
 
 And do whatever he bids you do, 
 And fear not, you'll have Sons enow, 
 When you are old, to work for ycu. 
 I prithee, then, no longer Hand, 
 But go, and execute's Command, 
 I know, he's cholerick, if thwarted, 
 And to be apt to be tranfported. 
 Love too is fuch an odd Difeafe, 
 That Lovers are moll hard to pleafe ; 
 Will always have their own fond Ways, 
 And are impatient of Delays. 
 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 Jupiter and Sol. 
 
 Jup. \\r^y> tnoa unlucky fenfelefs Fool, 
 
 Thou Dunce, thou Loggerhead, thou Owl ! 
 Th'aft made fine Work here, haft thcu not ? 
 To go and trull thy Chariot 
 With a young giddy hair brain'd Sot, 
 Who, unto thy eternal Shame, 
 One half oW World has fet on flame; 
 And (which, to think on't, makes me Ihudder) 
 So hard has frozen up the other, 
 That if I had not knock'd him down, 
 With a good Rap upon his Crown, 
 And turn'd him topfy-turvy under 
 With a good rattling Clap of Thunder,] At 
 
The Scoffer feoff' d. 285 
 
 At the mad rate that he was driving, 
 He had deftroy'd all Creatures living, 
 And all Mankind, had he on polled, 
 Had either frozen been, or roafted ; 
 And then you'd made (I hope you'll grant) 
 A pretty piece of Bus'nefs on't. 
 
 Sol. Oh Jupiter, I guilty am, 
 Yea, inexcufably to blame, 
 And, without Mercy, am undone, 
 For my Indulgence to a Son, 
 I could not for my Heart deny : 
 
 And then to fee a * Miftrefs cry, * Clyntene. 
 
 And Tears run trickling down her Face, 
 Would e'en have mov*d a Heart of Brafs. 
 Twas that that did my Reafon charm, 
 But (as I'm here) I thought no Harm. 
 
 Jup. No Harm ! How dar'ft thou tell me fo ' 
 Did' ft not thy Horfes Fury know ? 
 What haft thou been my Charioteer 
 So many hundred thoufand Year ; 
 Yet, that thou hiovfjl not, now can ft Avear, 
 What fiery headftrong Jades they were ? 
 Yes (Sirrah) you knew well enough 
 How hard to. rule they were, and rough, 
 And that they would do more than trot, 
 If Bridle once in Teeth they got ; 
 And that if once they got a Foot, 
 Much more a Wheel, out of the Rut. 
 All would be loft. You knew all this, 
 And yet for your Lyndabrides, 
 To humour her (fcrfooth) you muft, 
 Like a damn'd Rogue, betray your Truft, 
 
 N 
 
 Endanger 
 
286 Burlefque upon Burlefque % Or, 
 
 Endanger all the World, and-fet 
 A Novice in that dang'rous Seat, 
 Who to drive Tops was fitter far, 
 Than guide the Day's triumphant Carr. 
 
 Sol. I mull confefs (as your Grace fays) 
 I knew the Jades were Run-aways, 
 And therefore did the wilful Afs 
 With my own Hands i'th' Coach-box place ; 
 Taught him the Reins to draw and flip, 
 And fhew'd him how to hold his Whip ; 
 Taught him the right Poppy/ma too, 
 Which both the Horfes full well knew, 
 And, my own Hold before I quitted, 
 No one Inltrudtion I omitted, 
 That I conceiv'd was neceffary, 
 AffurM then he could not mifcarry, 
 I left him to himfelf, and bid him, 
 Touchez mons fls 9 and fo good /peed hhn. 
 He crack'd his Whip o'er the mad Cattle^ 
 The Chariot-wheels began to rattle, 
 And thro' the Eajlern-gate they run : 
 But my fool-hardy, aukward Son, 
 So ill {pxce worth the Time I got him ! J 
 Retain'd the Lejfons I had taught him. 
 That he had lcarce, it fhould appear, 
 A Furlong got in his Career, 
 When th % Stallions with the flaming Mains 
 Finding, by Slacknefs of the Reins^ 
 They'd got another Charioteer , 
 Away they (train' d in wild Career , 
 And left the Read, which they had kept 
 Altho' the Wind they had out flript 
 
The Scoffer feoff* d. 
 
 In Speed ; yet running the right Way, 
 
 'Twould but have made a fhorter Day ; 
 
 But the ralh Boy 9 amaz'd with Light, 
 
 And dizzy at the fearful Sight 
 
 Of the Abyfs he faw below him, 
 
 Both whip'd, and Reins he ftrait caft fro' hira,, 
 
 And by the Coach-box held him faft, 
 
 Till thou in Wrath gav'it him his laft. 
 
 So, for his temerarious A&ion, 
 
 My Boy has paid full Satisfa&ion, 
 
 And in his Lofs, I think that I, 
 
 Too, punihYd am fufficiently. 
 
 Jup. He, I confefs, has had his Payment ; 
 But thou, who wert the mod to blame in't, 
 Deferv'ft, at leaft, toJbeilrappado'd, 
 Nay, flea'd alive, and carbonado'd : 
 But I incline to Mercy rather, 
 And pardon an indulgent Father, 
 On this Condition ( ne'er thelefs) 
 Thou never fo again tranfgrefs ; 
 For if thou doll (thou Rafcal thou) 
 I'll make thee both to feel and ! now, 
 That this fame Thunder, which I handle, 
 Is hotter than your Farthing-Candle. 
 In the mean time, this I'll do for ye, 
 Becaufe I fee thou art fo forry, 
 I will that Pha' ton's Sillers go 
 Interr him on the Banks of Po, 
 juft where he fell, and, for their Guerdon, 
 I'll do a Thing was never heard on ; 
 Transform ! em into Poplars all, 
 rom whom a certain Gum mall fall, 
 
 N z 
 
2 83 Burlefque upon Burlefque ; Or^ 
 
 To imitate the Tears they flied 
 
 Over the hare-brai n'd Logger- head. 
 
 As to the reft, it fits thy Care 
 
 Thy broken Waggon to repair, 
 
 Which will require, rightly to do it, 
 
 A Carpenter and Whee!-<wright to it : 
 
 For firft, the Carriage is broken, 
 
 And one o'th* Wheels has but one Spoke on ; 
 
 The Harnefs too lb much amifs is, 
 
 *Tis torn in twenty thoufand Pieces. 
 
 But as to that, I (to befriend thee) 
 
 A fpecial Cobler ftrait will fend thee ; 
 
 And, when th'aft got thy Tackle mended, 
 
 Begin anew where thy Son ended. 
 
 But now they've learnt a refty Trick, 
 
 The Jades, no doubt, will frisk and kick, 
 
 As they were new again, to break, 
 
 And may endanger too thy Neck ; 
 
 I promife ye, I mainly doubt ye, 
 
 And therefore {Sirrah) look about ye. 
 
 D I A- 
 
The Scoffer feoff* J. 
 
 DIALOG U 
 
 Apollo and Mercury, 
 
 Apol. T'M fo confounded with this Pair, 
 
 This Cafior i and this Pollux here, 
 This Brace of Cygnets, that one Brother 
 I'm ftill miftaking for the other \ 
 Which puts me out of Count'nance fo, 
 I know not what to fay or do. 
 For they're fo like, that when I meet 'em, 
 And with Refpeft would kindly greet 'em, 
 Servant, Don C a/lor, flrait cry 1 ; 
 I'm Pollux, cries he by and by. 
 Then prefently myfelf I flatter, 
 The next time fure to mend the Matter ; 
 When meeting one of 'em alone, 
 What, Monfieur Pollux ? and go on, 
 Ym proud to he your Servant kno*wn y 
 And then 'tis Caftor, ten to one. 
 Now, tho' herein there ever is 
 As much to hit, as there's to mifs ; 
 Yet o'th' wrong Name I always light, 
 And never yet was in the right. 
 
 - N 3 
 
290 Burlefque upon Burlefque % Or, 
 
 If thou canft give me then fome Mark 
 Particular to either Spark, 
 That I may. one from t'other know, 
 I prithee (honeft Mercery) do. 
 
 Mer % Why, that you Yeilerday embraced here, 
 When we together were, was Caftor. 
 
 Jp. But how can'ft know him from his Brother, 
 When they're fo like to one another ? 
 
 Mer. Why, Pollux is fo giv'n to Huffing, 
 His Face full black and blue with Cuffing j 
 And, to be more particular, 
 His left Cheek wears a noted Scar 
 Of a good Whirret Bebrix gave him. 
 Which over- board, no doubt, had drave him, 
 Had not Friend J a/on ftep'd to fave him 1 
 Which Recumbendibus he got 
 By being of an Argonaut, 
 When Jafon failed into Greece 
 To fteal away the Golden-Fleece. 
 
 Apol. Gramercy, faith, I'll fwear a Book on 
 Thou haft oblig'd me by this Token : 
 For which was which I ne'er could tell ; 
 But feeing each with his half Shell, 
 His white Horfe, Jav'lin, and his Star, 
 To me the fame they always were ; 
 And I, when I would feem well bred, 
 Did ftill confound 'em, as I faid ; v ? 
 But fmce I'm fo beholden to thee, 
 Refolve me one Thing more, I prithee ; 
 And tell me why thefe Brothers never 
 Are to be feen in Heav'n together ? 
 
SKfe Scoffer feoff d. 291 
 
 M/r. Why, you muft know, that Jufiftr, 
 Upon the Hatching of this Pair, 
 Thefe Twins ci Lada fair, decreed, 
 (I think for to preferve the Breed) 
 That one the *Beltinies mould curtal, 
 Bat th' other be 01 dain'dliU mortal : 
 Which known to them, as well as other. , 
 They, like two very loving Brothers, 
 By an Affection very rare, 
 The Good and 111 alike would (hare : 
 Thus, when one dies, the other mourns, 
 And fo they live a/sd' die by turns. 
 
 ApoL 'Tis Sign of very good Condition. 
 But 'tis a Friendfnip fans Fruition ; 
 For in this manner neither Brother 
 Can ever fee or fpeak to t'other. 
 But of what Calling are thefe Blades f 
 For we have all of us our Trades : 
 I am a Prophet and Mufcian, 
 
 My * Son's a fpecial good Phyjician, $ JEfeuIa- 
 
 My Sifter plays the Midwife's Part, pius. 
 
 And thou a famous Wrejller art. 
 
 Are thefe two good for nought, doft think, 
 
 But only for to eat and drink ? 
 
 Merc. O yes, I promife ye, their Stars 
 Propitious are to Mariner s 9 
 And fave 'em oft, when, to one's Thinking, 
 They even are as good as finking. 
 
 N * 
 
292 Burlefqiie upon Burlefque y Or, 
 
 ApoU A charitable good Vocation, 
 I wifh them nigh when I've Occafion. 
 Good Seamen, fay'H thou [Mercery) marry, 
 A Calling very neceffary, 
 And will (no doubt) when Men are Sea-Jick, 
 Do 'em more Good by half than Fhyfick* 
 
 7he END. 
 
*93 
 
 EPILOGUE. 
 
 /fND mw ( my Mafters) reft you merry j, 
 I doubt, both you and 1 are weary, 
 Elfe I Jhould v°ry much admire ; 
 Such Trumpery a Dog would tire. 
 Yet, in the precious Age we live in, 
 Mift People are fo lewdly given, 
 Coarfe hempen Trajh is fooner read, 
 Than Poems of a finer Thread: 
 Which made our Author wifely choofe 
 To dizen up his dirty Mufe 
 In fuch an odd fantaftick Weed, 
 As ev y ry one, he knew, would read. 
 Yet is he wife enough to know 
 His Mufe, however, fings too low, 
 (Tho* warbling in the new eft Fa/bion) 
 To work a W ?rk of Reformation, 
 And fo writ this {to tell you true) 
 To pleafe Himfelf as well as You. 
 Yet if (beyond his Expectation) 
 This fiall be graced with Acceptation, 
 Like others much of the fame Yajhion, 
 Which all have had your Approbation % , 
 
 H $ The 
 
294 EPILOGUE. 
 
 The "Rhymer will fo kindly take it 9 
 That he his Bus^nefs then will make it 
 No more thus fawcily to fcoffye, 
 But fome thing bring more worthy of ye* 
 In the ?nean time, he bids me fay, 
 If you 11 not hifs this Puppet-Play, 
 He^ll do what ne'er was done by * any> 
 And raife the f Dead to entertain ye* 
 
 * Poet, he means. 
 
 \ Lucian's Dialogues of the Dead* 
 
THE 
 
 WONDERS 
 
 O F T H E 
 
 P E A *C E 
 
 By Charles Cotton, Efqp 
 
 L O N D 0 N: 
 
 Printed for J. and J. Bonwicke, S. Bi rt, 
 E. Wjcksteed, and T.Osborne. 
 Mdccxlj*. 
 
To the Right Honourable 
 
 ELIZABETH, 
 
 Countefs of T)eyonf?ire > 
 
 THIS 
 
 ESSAY 
 
 Is, with all Acknowledgment and 
 Devotion, humbly Dedicated, 
 
 B Y 
 
 Her Ladyjhifs 
 Mbft Mumble and 
 Moji Obedient Servant^ 
 
 Charles Cotton, 
 
.3 } - 
 
 4 
 
299 
 
 THE 
 
 W O N D E R S 
 
 O F T H E 
 
 PEAK E. 
 
 TNUrft I expoftulate with Providence,, 
 
 I then mould ask, Wherein the Innocence 
 Of my poor undefigning Infancy 
 Could Heav*n offend to fuch a black Degree, 
 As for th' Offence to damn me to a Place 
 Where Nature only fuffers in Difgrace ? 
 A Country fo deform'd, the Traveller 
 Would fwear thofe Parts Nature's Pudenda were : 
 Like Warts and Wens, Hills on the one * fide lwell, 
 To all but Natives inacceffible j 
 f T* other a blue fcrofulous Scum defiles, 
 Flowing from th' Earth's impofthumated Biles; 
 That feems the Steps (Mountains on Mountains thrown) 
 By which the GIANTS ftorm'd the Thund'rer r s Throne. 
 
 * The Peake. 
 f The Mar elands x 
 
goo The Wonders 
 
 This from that Profpeft feems the fulph'rous Flood} 
 Where finful Sodom and Gomorrah Hood, 
 
 *Twixt thefe twin-Provinces- of Britain* Shame, 
 
 The Silver Dove (how pleafant is chat Name!) 
 
 Runs thro' a Vale high crefted Cliffs o'er/hade, 
 
 (By her fair Progrefs only pleafant made :) 
 
 But with fo fweet a horrent in her Courfe, 
 
 As fhews, "the Nymph flies from her native Source,. 
 
 To feek, what therms deny'd, the 'Sun's warm B earns ? 
 
 And to embrace Trent's prouder fwelling Streams. 
 
 In this fo craggy, ill-contriv'd a Nook 
 
 Of this our little World, this pretty Brook, 
 
 Alas, *tis all the Recompence I fhare, 
 
 For all tlr Intemperances of the Air,. 
 
 Perpetual Winter, endlefs Solitude, 
 
 Or the Society of Men fo rude,. 
 
 That it is ten times wcrfe. Thy Murmurs (*' Dove) 
 
 Or Humour of Lovers ; or Men fall in love 
 
 With thy bright Beauties ; and thy fair blue Eyes 
 
 Wound like & Parthian, whilft the Shooter flies, 
 
 Of all fair Thetis' Daughters, none fo bright, 
 
 So pleafant none to tafte, none to the Sight, 
 
 None yields the gentle Angler fuch Delight. 
 
 To which the Bounty of her Stream is fuch, 
 
 As, only with a fwift and tranfient Touch, 
 
 T'enrich her fterile Borders as me glides, 
 
 And force fweet Flowers from their marble Sides. 
 
 North Eaji from this fair River's Head, there lies 
 A f Country that abounds with Rarities ; 
 
 * The River Dove. 
 •J* The Peake. 
 
 They 
 
of the PEAK E. 301 
 
 They call them Wonders there, and be they fo ; 
 
 Bat the whole Country Aire's a Wonder too, 
 
 And Mother of the reft, which Seven are ; 
 
 And one of them fo Angularly rare, 
 
 As does, indeed, amount to Miracle, 
 
 And all, the Kingdom boafts, fo far excel. 
 
 It ought not, I confefs, to be Profan'd 
 
 By my poor Mufe ; nor mould an Artlefs Hand 
 
 Prefume to take a Crayon up, to trace 
 
 But the faint Land- f cape of fo brave* a Place. 
 
 Yet, noble j| Chatfvoorth (for I fpeak of thee) 
 
 Pardon the Love will prompt the Injury 
 
 My Pen.muft do thee, when, before I end, 
 
 I fix Difhonour, where I would Commend, 
 
 The firft of thefe, I meet with in my Way, 
 Is a vaft Cave, which, the old People fay, 
 One Pool, an Out-lavo, made his Refidence ; 
 But why he did fo, or for what Offence, 
 The Beagles of the Law mould prefs fo near, 
 As, fpight of Horror's Self, to earth him there, 
 Is in our Times a Riddle ; and, in this, 
 Tradition molt unkindly filent is : 
 But whatfoe'er his Crime, than fuch a Cave, 
 A worfe Imprifonment he could not have. 
 
 At a high Mountainh Foot, whofe lofty Creli 
 O'erlooks the Marfhy Profpedt of the Weft ; 
 Under its Bafe there is an * Overture 
 Which Summer- Weeds do render fo obfcure, 
 
 ]| The Earl of Devon/Eire's Houfe, 
 • Pool's Hole. 
 
 The 
 
5$2 : The Wondirs 
 
 The carelefs Traveller may pafs, and ne'er 
 
 Pifcover, or fufpedt an Entry there : 
 
 But fuch a one there is, as we might well 
 
 Think it the Crypto-Porticus of Hell, 
 
 Had we not been inftru&ed, that the Gate, 
 
 Which to Deftrutlion leads, is nothing ftraight. 
 
 Thro' a blind Door (which fome poor Woman the*** 
 Still keeps the Key of, that it may keep her) 
 Men, bowing low, take leave of Day's fair Light, 
 To crowd themfelves into the Womb of Night, 
 Thro 1 fuch a low and narrow Pafs, that it 
 For Badgers, Wolves, and Foxes feems more fit * 
 Or for the yet lefs forts of Chaces, than 
 T'admit the Stature, and the Bulk of Man : 
 Could it to Reafbn any way appear, 
 That Men could find out any Bus'nefs there. 
 But having fifteen Paces crept, or more, 
 Thro' pointed Stones and Dirt upon all four, 
 The gloomy Grotto lets Men upright rife, 
 Altho' they were fix times Goliahh Size. 
 There, looking upward, your aftonifti'd Sight 
 Beholds the Glory of the fparkling Light. 
 Th' enamel'd Roof darts round about the Place, 
 With fo fubduing, but ingrateful Rays ; 
 As to put out the Lights, by which alone «n 
 They receive Luftre, that before had none, £ 
 And mull to Darkhefs be refign'd when they are gone. J 
 But here a roaring Torrent bids you ftand, 
 Forcing you climb a Rock on the right Hand, 
 
 Which, 
 
j f. ofaJZuman ccrrpj . T. iheJparn/ jlebc caUU. ifFjnt. . aJparrq 
 cc catlX Crttoms Zfayarck . 7£. Fufr/i #f&a&r?u Z. ttie Chair K. iks 
 . uHl tikes e areSirrTrvd hi/ drepp/tu? &f Water Jr<rm, tfa. : 
 U trry matter c^&Jtalactites . *~ \ 
 
of the PEAK E. 303 
 
 Which hanging, Pent-lloufe-like, docs overlook 
 
 The dreadful Channel of the rapid Brook. 
 
 So deep, and black, the very Thought does make 
 
 My Brains turn giddy, and my Eye-Balls ake. 
 
 Over this dang'rous Precipice you crawl, 
 
 Loft if you flip, for if you flip you fall ; 
 
 But whither, faith, 'tis no great matter, when 
 
 You're fure ne'er to be feen alive agen. 
 
 Prop'd round with Peafants, on you trembling go, 
 
 Whilft, ev'ry Step you take, your Guides do ftiow 
 
 In the uneven Rock the uncouth Shapes 
 
 Of Men, of Lions, Horfes, Dogs, and Apes : 
 
 But fo refembling each the fancy'd Shape, 
 
 The Man might be the Horfe, the Dog the Ape .» 
 
 And ftraight juft in your way a * Stone appears, 
 
 Which the Refemblance of a Hay-cock bears, 
 
 Some four Foot high ; and beyond that, a lefs 
 
 Of the fame Figure ; which do ftill increafe 
 
 In Height, and Bulk, by a continual Drop, 
 
 Which upon each diftilling from the Top, 
 
 And falling ftill exactly on the Crown, 
 
 There break themfelves to Mills, which, trickling down* 
 
 Cruft into Stone, and (but with Leifure) fwell 
 
 The Sides, and ftill advance the Miracle. 
 
 So that, in time, they would be tall enough, 
 
 If there were need, to prop the hanging Roof, 
 
 Did not fometirnes the curious Vifiters, 
 
 To Ileal a Treafure, is not juftly theirs, 
 
 Break off much more, at one injurious Blow, 
 
 Than can again in many Ages grow. 
 
 * The Fonts. 
 
 Thefe 
 
304 The Wonders 
 
 Thefe the wife Natives call the Fonts ; But there, 
 
 Descending from the Roof, there does appear 
 
 A bright tranfparent * Cloud, which from above, 
 
 By thofe falfe Lights, does downward feem to move, 
 
 Like a Machine, which, when fome God appears, 
 
 We fee defcend upon our Theaters. 
 
 Unlike in Figure, and in Pofture, this, 
 
 With the two nam'd before, owes its Increafe 
 
 To the fame Caufe the others grow up by, 
 
 Namely, the Petrifying Quality 
 
 Of thofe bright Drops, which, trickling one by one, 
 
 Cruft, as they glide, delib'rately to Stone ; 
 
 By which the Stiria longer, bigger grows, 
 
 And muft touch Ground at laft ; but wJien, who knows I 
 
 To fee thefe thriving by thefe various Ways, 
 
 It feems, methinks, as if the firfl did raife 
 
 Their Heads, the ponderous Vault fo to fuflain, 
 
 Whilft t' other pendant Pillar feems to ftrain, 
 
 And at full Stretch endeavour to extend 
 
 A liable Foot to the fame needlefs End. 
 
 And this, forfooth, the Baco?i-Flitch they call, 
 
 Not that it does refemble one at all ; 
 
 For it is round, not flat : But I fuppofe, 
 
 Becaufe it hangs i'th' Roof, like one of thofe, 
 
 And fhines like Salt, Peake-B 'aeon- eaters came 
 
 At firft to call it by that greafy Name. 
 
 This once a Fellow had, another Stone 
 
 Of the fame Colour, and Proportion : 
 
 * The Bacon-Flitch. 
 
^//fePEAKE. 
 
 But long ago, I know not how, the one 
 Fell down, or eaten was ; for now 'tis gone. 
 The next Thing, you arrive at, is a * Stone, 
 In truth, a very rare and pretty one ; 
 Which, on a Rock's iharp R^dge taking its Root, 
 Rifes from thence in a neat rcund-turn'd Foot 
 Twelve Inches high, or more, wherein are all 
 The Mouldings of a round-turn'd PedefiaL 
 Whence bubbling out in Figure of a Sphere, 
 Some two Foot and a half Diameter, 
 The whole above is iinim'd in a fmall 
 Pellucid Spire crown'd with a Cryftal Ball. 
 This, very aptly, they Pool's Lanthorn name, 
 Being like thofe in Admiral Poops that flame. 
 I For feveral Paces beyond thtfe, you meet 
 With nothing worth obferving, fave your Feet, 
 Which, with great Caution, you muft ftill difpofe, 
 Left, by mifchance, Ihould you once Footing lofe, 
 ; Your own true Story only ferve to grace 
 (The lying Fables of the uncouth Place : 
 But moving forward o'er the glafly Shoar, 
 You hear the Torrent now much louder roar, 
 With fuch a Noife ftriking th' aftonifti'd Ear 
 As does inform fome Cataract is near : 
 When foon the Deluge, that your Fear attends, 
 Contemptibly in a fmall Riv'let ends ; 
 Which falling low with a precip'tous Wave, 
 The dreadful Echo of the fpacious Cave 
 Gives it a hollow Sound, a Man would fear, 
 The Sea was breaking in a Channel there : 
 
 * Pool's Lanthorn. 
 
 And 
 
306 The Wondirs 
 
 And yet above, the Currents not fo wide, 
 To put a Maid to an indecent Stride ; 
 Which, thro' bright Pebbles, trembling there does crawl 
 As if afraid of the approaching Fall, 
 Which is a dreadful one ; but yet how deep, 
 1 never durft extend my Neck to peep. 
 Beyond this little Rill, before your Eyes 
 You fee a great tranfparent f Pillar rife, 
 Of the fame mining Matter with the reft ; 
 But fuch a one, as Nature does conteft, 
 Tho' working in the Dark, in this brave Piece, 
 With all the Obelisks of Antique Greece ; ! 
 For all the Art, the Chizel could apply, 
 Ne'er wrought fuch curious Folds of Drapery. 
 Of this the Figure is, as Men mould crowd 1 
 A vaft Coloffus in a Marble Shrowd, ] 
 And yet the Pleats fo foft and flowing are, "j 
 As flneft Fold*, from fined Looms they were ; | } 
 
 But, far as Hands can reach to give a Blow, ) 
 By the rude Clowns broke, and disfigur'd fo, j ( 
 
 As may be well fuppos'd, when all that come, ( 
 Carry fome Piece of the Rook-Cryfial home. f 
 Of all thefe Rar'ties, this alone can claim $ 
 A dcubtlefs Right to everlalling Fame ; I \ 
 
 The faireft, brighter! £>ueen, that ever yet \ 
 On Englijb Ground unhappy Footing fet, r 
 Having, to th' reft of th* JJle's eternal Shame, $, 
 Honour'd this Stone with her own fplendid Name. $ 
 
 C 
 
 — . s 
 
 f The $ueen of Scots Pillar. 
 
of the P E A K-E. 307 
 
 For Scotland** Queen, hither by Art betrayM, 
 And by falfe Friendlhip after Captive made, 
 (As if me did nought but a Dungeon want 
 T' exprefs the utmoft Rigour of Reftrain£) 
 Coming to view this Cave, took fo much Pains, 
 For all the Damp and Horror it contains, 
 To penetrate fo far, as to this Place, 
 And feeing it, with her own Mouth to grace, 
 As her Non Ultra, this now famous Stone, 
 By naming and declaring it her own ; 
 Which, ever iince, fo glorioufly enftall'd, 
 Has been, the Queen of Scots her Pillar call'd, 
 
 Illuftrious MART, it had happy been, 
 Had you then found a Cave like this, to skreen 
 Your Sacred Perfon from thofe Frontier Spies, 
 That of a Sovereign Princefs durft make Prize, 
 When Neptune too officioufly bore 
 Your cred'lous Inn'cence to this faithlefs Shore. 
 O England ! once who hadft the only Fame 
 Of being kind to all who hither came 
 For Refuge and Protection ; how couldft thou 
 So ftrangely alter thy Good Nature now, 
 Where there was fo much Excellence to move, 
 Not only thy Compamon, but thy Love ! 
 'Twas ftrange, on Earth (fave Caledonian Ground) 
 So impudent a Villain could be found, 
 Such Majefty and Sweetnefs to accufe 
 Or after that, a Judge would not refufe 
 Her Sentence to pronounce ; or that being done, 
 Ev'n 'mongft the Bloody'ft Hangman, to find one 
 Durft, tho* her Face was veil'd, and Neck laid down, 
 Strike off the faireft Head ere wore a Crown, 
 
 And 
 
308 The Wonders 
 
 And what State -Policy there might be here, 
 Which does with Right too often interfere, 
 I'm not to judge; yet thus far dare be bold, 
 A fouler Ac~l the Sun did ne'er behold ; 
 And 'twas the worft, if not the only Stain, 
 ■I'th' brightefl Annals of a Female Reign, 
 
 Over the Brook you're now oblig'd to ftride, 
 And on the left Hand, by this Pillar's fide, 
 To fee new Wonders, tho' beyond this Stone, 
 Uniefs you fafe return, you'll meet with none,- 
 And that, indeed, will be a kind of one : 
 For, from this Place, the Way does rife fo fteep, 
 Craggy, and wet, that who all fafe does keep, 
 A ftout and faithful Genius has, that will 
 In He/Ps black Territories guard him flill ; 
 Yet to behold thefe vafl prodigious Stones, 
 None who has any Kindnefs for his Bones, 
 Will venture to climb up, tho' I did once ; 
 A certain Symptom of an empty Sconce : 
 But many more have done the like fince then, 
 That now are vvifer than to do't agen. 
 Having fwarm'd fev'nfcore Paces up, or more, 
 On the right Hand, you find a kind of Floor, 
 Which, twining back, hang c o'er the Cave below, 
 Where, thro' a Hole, your kind Conductors fhow 
 A Candle left on purpofe at the Brook, 
 On which, with trembling Horror, whilft you look, 
 You'll fancy't, from that dreadful Precipice, 
 A Spark afcending from the black Abyfs. 
 Returning to your Road, you thence mull flill 
 Higher and higher mount the dang'rous Hill, 
 
of the PEAK E. 369 
 
 Till, at the laft, dirty, and tirM enough, 
 Your giddy Heads do touch the fparkling Roof, 
 And now you here a while to pant may fit, 
 To which Adventurers have thought requftit 
 \o add a Bottle, to expfefs the Love 
 They owe their Friends left in the TP 'or Id above. 
 And here I too would fheathe my weary'd Pen, 
 Were J not bound to bring you back agen ; 
 You therefore mufl return, but with much more 
 Delay rate Circirtnfpe&ion, than before : 
 7'wo Hob-nail Peakrills, one on either fide, 
 Your Arms fupporting like a baihful Bride, 
 Whilft a Third fteps before, kindly to meet 
 With his broad Shoulders your extended Feet, 
 And thus from Rock to Rock they "Aide you down, 
 Till to their Footing you may add your own: 
 Which is at the great Torrent, roars below, 
 From whence year 'Guides another Candle fliow 
 Left in the Hole above, whofe diftant Light 
 Seems a Star peeping thro' a fullen Night. 
 
 You there with far lefs painful Steps, but yet 
 More dang'rous ftill, the Way you came repeat. 
 Your Pea ke -bred Convoy of rude Men and Boy*, 
 All the Way hooting with that dreadful Noife, 
 A Man would think it were the difmal Yell 
 Of Souls tormented hi the Flames of Hell ; 
 And I almoil believ'd it, by the Face 
 Our Maflers give us of that unknown Place. 
 But be'ng conducted with this Triumph back, 
 Before y'are yet permitted leave to take 
 Of this Infernal Man/ion, you mud fee 
 j Where Matter Fool and his bold Yeomanry 
 
 O Took 
 
3 1 o The W o n d e i s 
 
 Took up their dark Apartments, which do lie 
 Over the narrow Pafs you enter'd by ; 
 Up an Afcent of eafy mounting, where 
 They mew his Ha//, his Par lour, Bed-chamler 9 
 Withdrawing- Room, and Clofe t ; and, to thefe, 
 His Kitchen, and his other Offices, 
 And all contriv'd to juftify a Fable, 
 That may, indeed, pafs with the ignorant Rabble, 
 And might ferve him perhaps a Day, or fo, 
 'When clofe purfu'd 5 but Men of Senfe mull know, 
 Who of the Place have took a ferious View, 
 None but the Devil himfelf could live there Tw$, 
 And I half think your felves are glad to hear 
 Your own Deliverance, to be fo near : 
 Then once more thro' the narrow Paffage drain, 
 And you mail fee the chearful Day again ; 
 W'hen, after two Hours Darknefs, you will fay, 
 The Sun appears drefs'd in a brighter Ray : 
 Thus after long Reftraint, when once fet free, 
 Men better tafte the Air of Liberty. 
 
 Six hundred Paces hence, and Northward ftill, 
 On the Defcent of fuch a little Hill, 
 As by the -reft of greater Bulk, and Fame, 
 Environ'd round, fcarcely deferves that Name, 
 A Cryftal * Fountain-Spring in healing Streams, 
 Hot (tho* clofe fhaded from the Sun's warm Beams, 
 By a malicious Roof, that covers it 
 So clofe, as not his prying Eye t' admit 
 
 * St. Jnn's Well at the Buxtons, the fecond Wonder. 
 
of the PEAK E. 
 
 That elfewhere's privileg'd, here to behold 
 
 His beamy Face, and Locks of burning Gold, 
 
 In the molt flatt'ring Mirror, that below 
 
 His Travel round the fpacioirs Globe can mow) 
 
 So fair a Nymypb, and fo fupremely bright, 
 
 The teeming Earth did never bring to light ; 
 
 Nor does me rum into the World with Noife* 
 
 Like Neptune's ruder Sex of roaring Boys ; 
 
 But boils and fimrhers up, as if the Heat, 
 
 That warms her Waves, that Motion did beget. 
 
 But where's the Wonder ? For it is well known, 
 
 Warm and clear Fountains in the Peake are none, 
 
 Which the whole Province thoro' fo abound, 
 
 Each TeGman almoft has them in his Ground. 
 
 Take then the Wonder of this famous Place ; 
 
 This tepid Fountain a Tzvin-Sijler has, 
 
 Of the fame Beauty and Complexion, 
 
 That, bubbling fix Foot off, joins both in one : 
 
 But yet fo cold withal, that who will ilride 
 
 When bathing, ^crofs the Bath but half fo wide, 
 
 Shall in one Body, which is itrange, endure 
 
 At once an Ague and a Calenture. 
 
 Strange f that two Sifters, fpringing up at once, 
 
 Should differ thus in Conftitutrons ; 
 
 And would be ilranger, could they be the fame ; 
 
 Th3t Love mould one half of the Heait inflame 5 
 
 Whilft t'other, fenfelefs of a Lover's Pain, 
 
 Freezes itfelf and him in cold Difdaift ; 
 
 Or that a Naiade, having carelefs play'd 
 
 With fome male wanton Stream, and fruitful Maid, 
 
 Should have her Silver Breafts at once to flow, 
 
 One with ivartn Milk, t'other with melted Snow, 
 
s 1 2 The Won d e rs 
 
 Yet for the Patients 'tis more proper dill, 
 
 Fit to enflame the Blood is cold and chill ; 
 
 And of the Blood t'allay the glowing Heat, 
 
 Wild Youth, and yet wilder Defires beget : 
 
 Hither the Sick, and Lame, and Barren come, 
 
 And hence go healthful, found, and fruitful Home. 
 
 Buxton's in Beauty famous : But in this 
 
 Much more, the Pilgrim never fruftrate is, 
 
 That comes to bright St. Anne, when he can get 
 
 Nought but his Pains, from yellow * Somerfet. 
 
 Nor is our Saint, tho' fweetly humble, fhut 
 
 WitKin coarfe Walls of an indecent Hut ; 
 
 But in the Center of a Palace fprings 
 
 A Manfion proud enough for Saxon Kings; 
 
 But by a Lady built, who Rich and Wife, 
 
 Not only Houfes raised, but Families, 
 
 More, and more great than England, that does flow 
 
 In Loyal Peers, can from one Fountain mow. 
 
 But, either thro' the Fault of th' Architect, 
 
 The Workman's Ign'rance, Knav'ry, or Neglect, 
 
 Or thro' the Searching Nature of the Air, 
 
 Which almofl always breathes in Tempefls there ; 
 
 This Struclure, which in Expectation ihou'd 
 
 Ages as many, as't has Years, have flood ; 
 
 Chink'dand decay'd fo dangeroufly fall, 
 
 And near a Ruin, till it came, at lad, 
 
 To be thought .worth the Noble f Owner's Care, 
 
 New to rebuild, what Art could not repair, 
 
 As he has done, and like himfelf, of late 
 
 Much more commodious and of greater State. 
 
 * Bath in Somerfet/hire. 
 
 f William Earl of Bevonjhire* 
 
 North- 
 
of the PEAK E. \ 
 
 North- Eajl from hence, three Peakijb Miles at Ieaft, 
 
 (Which, who once meafures, will dread all the reft} 
 
 At th M Inftepof juft fuch another Hill, 
 
 There creeps a Spring that makes a little || Rill, 
 
 Which at firft Sight, to curious Vifiters, 
 
 So fmall and fo contemptible appears, 
 
 They'd think themfelves abufd, did they not ihy 
 
 To fee wherein the Wonder of it lay. 
 
 This Fountain is fo very very fmall, 
 
 Th 1 Obferver hardly can perceive it craw? 
 
 Thoro' the'Sedge, which fcarcely in their Beds 
 
 Confefs a Current by their waving Heads, 
 
 I'th! Chinks thro 1 which it iftues to the Day, 
 
 It JTagnant .feems, and makes fo little Way, 
 
 That Thiftle-down, without a Breeze of Air, 
 
 May lie at Hull, and be becalmed there ; 
 
 Which makes the wary Owner of the Ground, 
 
 For his Herds Ufe, the tardy Waves impound. 
 
 In a low Ciftern of fo fmall Content, 
 
 As flops fo little of the Element 
 
 For fo important Ufe, that, when the Cup 
 
 Is fulleft crown'd, a Cow may drink it up. 
 
 Yet this fo ftifl, fo very little Well, 
 
 Which 4 , thus beheld, feems fo contemptible,, 
 
 No lefs of real Wonder does comprize, 
 
 Than any of the other Rarities: 
 
 For now and then, a hollow murm'ring Sound, 
 
 Being firft heard remotely under Ground, 
 
 The Spring immediately fwells, and ftreight 
 
 Boils up thro' fev'ral Pores to fuch a Height,* 
 
 jj Wedding-wall, or Tydes-well, the third Wonder. 
 
 O 3 As, 
 
314 STZtf WOND E.R £ 
 
 As, overflowing foon the narrow Shoar 9 
 
 Below does in a little Torrent roar. 
 
 Whilft, near the Fountain-Mouth, the Water lings 
 
 Thoro* the fecret Conduits of her Springs, 
 
 With fuch a Harmony of various Notes, 
 
 As Grottoes yield, thro* narrow brazen Throats, 
 
 When, by the Weight of higher Streams, the low'r 
 
 Are upward forced in an inverted Show'r. 
 
 But the fweet MuficPs fhort, three Minutes Spacs. 
 
 To higheft Mark this Oceanei does raife, 
 
 And half that Time retires the ebbing Waves> 
 
 To the dark Windings of their frigid Capes* 
 
 To feek inveftigable Caujes out, 
 Serves not to clear, but to increafc a Doubt, 
 And where the bed of Nature's Spies but grope. 
 For me, who worft can fpeculate, what Hope 
 To find the fecret Caufe of thefe ftrange Tides, 
 Which an impenetrable Mountain hides 
 From all, to view thefe Miracles that come, 
 In dark ReceiTes of her fpacious Womb ? 
 And * He who is in Nature the beft read, 
 Who the bell Hand has to the wifeft Head, 
 Who beft can Think, and beft his Thoughts exprefs, 
 Does but, perhaps, more rationally guefs, 
 When he his Senfe delivers of thefe Things, 
 And Fancy fends to fearch thefe unknown Springs, 
 
 He tells us firft, thefe flowing Waters are 
 Too fweet, their Fluxes too irregular, 
 
 * Mr. Hohbs. 
 
 To 
 
of the P E A K E. 315 
 
 To owe to Neptune thefe fantaftick Turns ; 
 
 Nor yet does Pb&be with her filver Horns, 
 
 In thefe free-franchis'd, fubterranean Caves , 
 
 Pufh into crowded Tides the frighted Waves, 
 
 But that the Spring, fwell'd by feme fmoaking ShovyY 
 
 That teeming Clouds on Te//us r Surface pour, 
 
 Marches amain with a confed'rate Fbrce, 
 
 Until fome ftraighter Parage in its Courfe 
 
 Stops the tumultous Throng, which prefiing fair* 
 
 And forced on Hill to more precipitous Haft 
 
 By the fucceeding Streams, lies Gargling there, 
 
 Till in that narrow . Throat, th' obitructed Air, 
 
 Finding itfelf in too Arid Limits pent, 
 
 Oppofes fo th' invading Element, 
 
 At firft to make the half -choak'd Gullet heave, 
 
 And then difgorge the Stream ic can't receive. 
 
 Than this, of this Peakc-Wonder, I believe, 
 None a more plaufible Account can give. 
 Tho' here it might be faid, if this were fo, 
 It never would, but in wet Weather, flow ; 
 Yet, in the greateft Droughts the Earth abides, 
 It never fails to yield lefs frequent Tides, 
 Which always clear and unpolluted are, 
 And nothing of the Wajb of Tempt fi mare. 
 But whether this a Wonder be, or no, 
 'Twill be one, Reader, if thou feeft it flow : 
 For having been there ten times, for the nonce, 
 I never yet could fee it flow but once, 
 And that the laft time too ; which made me there 
 Take my laft leaveon't, as I now do here. 
 
 Hence 
 
316 The W o N D E R s 
 
 Hence two Miles Eaft, does a Fourth Wonder lit, 
 Worthy the greater! Curiofity, 
 CalPd* Elden-Hole; but fuch a dreadful Place, 
 As will procure a tender Mufe her Grace 
 In the Defcription, if ihe chance to fail, 
 When my Hand trembles, and my Cheeks turn pale* 
 Betwixt a verdant Mountain's falling Flanks, 
 And within Bounds of eafy Avelling Banks, 
 That hem the Wonder in on either fide, 
 A formidable Scijfure gapes fo wide, 
 Steep, black, aad full of Horror, that who dare 
 Look down into the Chafm, and keep his Hair 
 From lifting off his Hat, either has none, 
 Or for more modifh Curls cafhiers his own. 
 It were injurious, I muft confefs, 
 By mine to meafure braver Courages : 
 But, when I peep into't, I rnufl declare. 
 My Heart ftills beats, and Eyes with Horror flare j 
 And he, that ftanding on the Brink of Hell, 
 Can carry it fo unconceriTd, and well, 
 As to betray no Fear, is, certainly, 
 A better Cbrijlian, or a worfe than L 
 
 This yawning Mouth is thirty Paces long, 
 Scarce half fo wide, within lin'd thro' with ftrong^ 
 Continuous Walls of folid perpend Stone : 
 A Gulf wide, fteep, black, and a dreadful one 
 Which few, that come to fee it, dare come near* 
 And the more daring flill approach with Fear, 
 
 * Elden-Bole, the Fourth Wonder. 
 
 Having 
 
of the PEAKE. 3 
 
 Having with Terror here beheld, a Space, 
 The ghaftly Afpe& of this dangVous Place; 
 Critical Pajfengers ufually found, 
 How deep the threatening Gulph goes under-gryund % 
 By tumbling down Stones fought throughout the Fie 
 As great as the officious Boars can wield, 
 Of which fuch Millions of Tuns are thrown,. 
 That in a Country, almoft all of Stone, 
 About the Place they fomething jfcarce are grown. 
 But being brought, down they're condemned to go, 
 When Silence being made, and Ears laid low, 
 The firfTs turn'd off, which, as it parts the Ait, 
 A kind of Sighing makes, as if it were 
 Capable of that ufelefs Paffion, Fear : ■ 
 Till the firft Hit (hikes the aftoniuYd Ear, 
 Like Thunder under-ground $ thence it invades, 
 With louder Thunders, thofe Tartarean Shades, 
 Which groan forth Horror, at each ponderous Stroke 
 Th' unnat'ral JJfue gives the Parent Rock; 
 Whilft, as it Itrikes, the Sound by turns we note, 
 When nearer flat, Jkarper when more remote, 
 As the hard Walls, on which it ftrikes, are found 
 Fit to reverberate the bellowing Sound : 
 When, after falling long, it feems to hifs, 
 Like the Old Serpent in the dark Abyfs : 
 Till Echo, tir'd with polling, does refufe 
 To carry to th* inquifitive Perdu*, 
 That couchant lie above, the trembling News. 
 And there ends our Intelligence ; how far 
 It travels further no one can declare ; 
 Tho', if it relied here, the Place might well 
 Sure be accepted for a Miracle, 
 
 Y 
 
3 1.8 - The Wt) nders. 
 
 Your Guide, to all thefe Wonders, never falh 
 To entertain you with ridie'lous Tales 
 Of this flrange Place, one of the Geefe thrown in, 
 Which, out of Peake's Arfe two Miles off, was feen 
 Shell-naked fally, rifled of her Plume, 
 By which a Man may lawfully prefume, 
 The Owner was a Woman grave, and wife, 
 Cpuld know her Goofe again in that Difguife. , 
 
 Another lying Tale the People tell, 
 And without fmiling, of a pond'rous Be//, ■ 
 By a long Rope let down the Pit to found ; 
 WJien many hundred Fathoms under Ground 
 It Itop'd : But, tho 9 they made their Sinews crack, 
 All the Men there could not once move it back ; 
 Till, after fome ihort Space, the plundered Line 
 With fcores of curious Knots made wond'rous fine, 
 Came up again with eafy Motion ; 
 But for the jangling Plummet, that was gone. 
 
 But with thefe idle Fables feign'd of old, 
 Some modern Truths, and fad ones too, are told : 
 One, of that mercenary Fool expos'd 
 His Life for Gold, t'explore what lies enclos'd 
 In. this obfeure Vacuity, and tell 
 Of ftranger.Sights than Tbefeus faw in Hell : 
 But the poor Wretch paid for his Thirit of Gain ; 
 For being cran'd up with diilemper'd Brain, 
 A fault'ring Tongue, with a wild Itaring Look ; 
 (Whether by Damps not known, or Horror, ilrook) 
 Now this Man was confed'rate with Mi f chance 
 'Gainil his own Life, his whole Inheritance, 
 
 Which 
 
of the PEA ICE'. 319 
 
 Which bates the Pity human Nature bears 
 
 To poor involuntary Sufferers : 
 
 But the fad Tale of his fevercr Fate, 
 
 "VVhofe Story's next, Companion muft create. 
 
 He raving languifh'd a few Days, and then 
 
 Dy'd ; perad venture to go down agen. 
 
 In Savages and in the filent Deep, 
 
 Make the hard Marble, that deilroy'd him, weep. 
 
 A Stranger, to this Day from whence not known* 
 Travelling this wild Country all alone, 
 And by the Night furpriz'd by Deftiny, 
 (If fuch a Thing, and fo unkind, there Le) 
 Was guided to a Village near this Place, 
 Where asking at a Houfe, how far it was 
 To fuch a Trim* and being told fo far ; 
 Will you, my Friend, t' oblige a Traveller? 
 Says the benighted Stranger, be fo kind 
 As to conduct me thither ? You will bind . 
 My Gratitude for ever, and in Hand 
 Shall prefently receive what you'll demand/ 
 The Fellow hum'd, and haw'd, and fcratch'd his PaUi 
 And, to draw on good Wages, faid, 'twas late, 
 And grew fo dark, that, tho' he knew the Way, 
 He durft not be fo confident, to fay, 
 He might not mifs it in fo dark a Night : 
 But if his IVorjhip would be pleas'd f alight, 
 And let him call a Friend, he made no doubt ? 
 But one of them wculd furely find it out. 
 The Traveller well pleas'd, at any rate, 
 To have fo expert Guides, dismounted ftraight* 
 Giving his Horfe up to the t reach' rous Slave, 
 Who, haying hou&'d him, forthwith fell to heave 
 
 O 6 And 
 
320 7he Wonders 
 
 And poize the Portmanteau, which Ending Freight 
 At either End, with Lumps of tempting Weight, 
 The Devi/ and He made out a mort Difpute 
 About the Thing they foon did execute : 
 For calling t! other Rogue, who long had bin 
 His 'Complice in fucceeding Ads of Sin, 
 He tells him of the Prize, fets out the Gain, 
 Shews how fecure and eafy to obtain ; 
 Which prefs'd fo home, where was fo little need, 
 The Stranger's Ruin quickly was decreed. 
 Thus, to the poor Profcrib'd, the Villains go, 
 And with join'd Confidence affure him fo, 
 That, with his Hap to meet fuch Friends content, 
 He puts himfelf into their Hands, and went. 
 
 The guilty Night, as if me would exprefs 
 Confed'racy with fuch black Purpofes, 
 The fparkiing Hemifpkere had overfpread 
 With darkeft Vapours from foul Lewa bred ; . 
 The World was huih'd all, fave a fighing Wind, 
 That might have warn'd a more prefaging Mind, 
 When thefe two Sons of Satan, thus agreed, 
 With feeming Warinefs and Care proceed, 
 \ All the while mixing their amufing Chat 
 ; With frequent Caution of this Step, and that, 
 I Till after that fix hundred Paces gone, 
 Mafter, here's but a firry Grip, fays one 
 Of the dajnn'd Rogues (and he /aid very right) 
 Pray, for more Safety, Sir, be pleas d £ alight, 
 \And let hi?n lead your Horfe a little Space, 
 VI ill you are pa f this one uneven Place, 
 Toull need f alight no more, J 7/ 'warrant you ; 
 Hind ft ill this hdrument of Hell faid true. 
 
»/^.PEAKE. 3 2 
 
 Forthwith alights the innocent Trapan'd, 
 
 One leads his Horfe, the other takes Hand ; 
 
 And, with a Shew of Care, conducts him thus 
 
 To thefe fteep Threfholds of black Erebus: 
 
 And there (O A61 of Horror, which out-vies 
 
 The direft of inhuman Cruelties !) 
 
 Let me (my Mufe) repeat it without Sin, 
 
 The barb'rous Villain pufVd him headlong in. 
 
 The frighted Wretch, having no time to fpeak> 
 
 Forc'd his diftended Throat in fuch a Skriek, 
 
 As, by the Shrilnefs of the doleful Cry, 
 
 Pierc'd thro' and thro' th' immenfe Inanity 9 ^ 
 
 Informing fo the half dead Faller's Ear, 
 
 What he muft fufTer, what he had to fear ; 
 
 When, at the very nrit befriending Knock, 
 
 His trembling Brains fmear'd the Tarpe: 'an Rock, 
 
 The mattered Carcafs downward rattles fail, 
 
 Whilft, thence difmifs'd, the Soul with greater Hafte 
 
 From thofe Infernal Manfions does remove, 
 
 And mounts to feek the happy Seats above. 
 
 What Bloody Arab of the fellefl Breed, 
 
 What, but the yet more fell /- n Seed, 
 
 Could once have meditated fuch a Deed? 
 But one of thefe Eeanfn* Vengeance did ere long 
 Call to Account for this poor Creature's Wrong ; 
 Who, hangM for other Crimes, arnongft the reft., 
 This horrid Murther at his Death confer! : 
 Whilft t'other Rogue, to Juftice foul Difgrace, 
 Yet lives, 'tis {aid, unqueftion'd near the Place, 
 How deep this Gulph does travel under-ground, 
 Tho 1 there have been Attempts,, was never fourid : . 
 But I my(tlf, with half the Peake furrounded, 
 Eight hundred four/core and four Yards ha<ve founded. 
 
322 The W o N D £ R s 
 
 And, tho f of thefe four/core return'd back wer, ; 
 
 The Plummet drew , and found no Bottom yetr 
 
 Tha' when I went again another Day, 
 
 To make a further and a new Effay, 
 
 1 could not get the Lead down half the Way. 
 
 Enough of Hell! From hence you forward ride, 
 Still mounting up the Mountain^ groaning Side, 
 Till having gain'd the utmoit Height, your Eye, 
 Northward a Mile, ,a * higher, does defcry, 
 And deeper much, tho' from that Profpect green, 
 With a black, moorim Valley ftretch'd between. 
 Unlike in Stature, and in Subftance, this 
 To the South-Eaji is a great Precipice, 
 Not of firm Rock, like the reft here that fliroud 
 Their iow'ring Summits in a dewy Cloud ; 
 But of fhaly Earth, that from the Crown 
 With a continual Motion mouldring down, 
 Spawns a lefs Hill of loofer Mould below, 
 "Which will in time tall as the Mother grow, 
 And muft perpetuate ihz Wonder (o. 
 Which Wonder is, that tho' this Hill ne'er ceafe 
 To wafte itfelf, it fuffers no Decreafe : 
 Bat 'twould a greater be, if thofe that pafs 
 Should mifs the Atoms of fo vaft a Mafs : 
 Tho' Neighbours, if they nearer would enquire, 
 Muft needs perceive the pilling Cliff retire : 
 And the moft curfory Beholder may 
 Vifibly fee a manifeft Decay, 
 
 * Mam Tor, the fifth Wonder. 
 
of the PEAKEJ 32 
 
 By jutting Stones, that, by the Earth left bare, . 
 
 Hang on the trip, fufpended in the Air. 
 
 This haughty Mountain, by indulgent Fame 
 
 Prefer'd t' a Wonder M a m-T o r has to Name, 
 
 For in that Country Jargon V uncouth Senfe 
 
 ExprefTmg any craggy Eminence, 
 
 From Wr,; But then, why Mam, I can't furmife, 
 
 Unlefs becaufe Mother to that, , does rife 
 
 Out of her Ruins: Better then to fpeak, 
 
 It might be called Phoenix of the Peake : 
 
 For, when this Mountain by long Waiting's gone, 
 
 Her A flies will, and not till then, be one* 
 
 Which ere I qui:, I mull: beg leave to tell 
 
 One Stojy only of this Miracle. 
 
 Of late, a Country Fellow, it feems, one 
 Who had more Courage than Difcretion j 
 Untempted, or by Wager, ©r by Price, ^ 
 And obftinately deaf to all Advice, S 
 Would needs attempt to climb this Precipice, J 
 Thus then refolv'd, th' Enceladus fets out, 
 Wi<h a Peake Heart Heaven defying flout, 
 A daring Look, and vaft Colojfean Strides, 
 To florm the frowning Mountain's mouldring Sides, 
 Wherein the firfl Steps of th' Advenfrer\ Proof 
 Were eafy and encouraging enough, 
 Scarce Pent-houfe lleep, and ev'ry Step did brand 
 AfTured Footing in the yielding Sand ; 
 And higher, tho' much fteeper ; yet the Hill, 
 By leaning backward, gave him Footing flill ; 
 Tho' flill more tickle and unfafe, as higher 
 The hare-brain'd Fool did in's Attempt afpire. 
 But be'ng arriv'd to the ftupendous Place 
 Where the C/Z^s Beetle-brows o'er look his Bafe> 
 
324 W O N D E R 5> 
 
 The jutting Front with threat'ning Ruin there - 
 Bad Hand unto the bold Adventurer. 
 Then from that ftupifying Height, too late, 
 Th' aftonifti'd Wretch faw his approaching Fate : 
 Thence firft he downward caft his woeful Eyes, 
 Sadly to view the dang'rous Precipice, 
 Which the bold Stormer with fuch Horror ftrook, 
 As all his Limbs with a cold Trembling fhook 
 With fo unfeafonable an Ague- Fit, 
 That Hands and Feet are ready hold to quit, 
 And to the Fool their Matter's Fate fubmit. 
 How to advance a Step he could not tell, 
 And to defcend was as impoflible : 
 But thus environ'd with black Defpair 
 He hung fufpended in the liquid Air. 
 He then would fain have pray'd : Eut Authors fay* 
 Few of the Province gifted are that way, 
 And that to fwear, curfe, flander, and forfwear 
 More nat'ral is to your ? eake -High lan der \ 
 Tho' there are many virt'ous People there. 
 But be it how it will, the Fellow hung 
 On ftretch'd-out Sinews fo exceeding long, 
 I Till, ready to, drop off, Necefiity 
 Bad mount and live ; or elfe fall down and die, 
 With lall Effort he upward then 'gan crawl, 
 To rife, or from a nobler Height to fall ; 
 And, as he forward flrove, began tp.try 
 This, and that hanging Stone's Stability, 
 To prove their Firmnefs, and to feel what hold 
 The Earth-bound Ends had in the crumbling Mo/4. 
 Some of which hanging Tables, as he ftiil 
 Made further Progrefs up the tickling Hiil, 
 
of the P EAKE. 325 
 
 He found fo Ioafe, they threaten'd as he went, 
 
 To fweep him off, and be his Monument. 
 
 But 'tis moft certain, that fome other End, 
 
 In Fate's dark Leaves , for the rafti Fool is pen'd ; 
 
 Not by a Fall fo noble, and fo high, 
 
 Tho* by a Slip, perhaps, 'twixt Earth and Sky : 
 
 For, to ch 1 Spectators Wonder, and liis own, 
 
 He panting gain'd at laft the Mountain's Crown, 
 
 Hence an uneven Mile below, in Sight 
 Of this ftrange Cliff, and almoft oppofite, 
 Lies Cajlleton, a Place of noted Fame, 
 Which from the Cajlle there derives its Name*; 
 Ent'ring the Village prefently y'are met 
 With a clear, fwift, and murm'ring Rivulet, 
 Towards whofe Source, if up the Stream you look 
 On your, right Hand clofe by, your Eye is ftruck 
 With a ftupendous Rock raifing fo high 
 His craggy Temples tow'rds the Azure Sky, 
 That, if we this mould with the reft compare, 
 They Hillocks, Mole-hills, Warts, and Pebbles arej 
 This, as if King of all the Mountains round, 
 Is on the Top with an old Tower crown'dy 
 An Antick Thing, fit to make People ftare r 
 But of no Ufe, either ia Peace, or War. 
 Under this Cajlle yawns a dreadful * Caw, 
 Whofe Sight may well aftonilh the moft Brave, 
 And makejiim paufe, ere further he proceed 
 T' explore what in thofe gloomy Vaults lie hid. 
 The Brook^ which from one mighty Spring does flow, 
 Thro' a deep ftony Channel runs below, 
 
 * Peake\ Arfe, the Sixth Wonder, 
 
326 7%e WONDiRS 
 
 Whilft o'er a Path level, and broad enough 
 
 For human Feet, or for the armed Hoof, 
 
 Above you, and below, all Precipice, 
 
 You ftill advance towards the Court of D 1 \S% 
 
 Over this Caufey as you forward go 5, 
 
 On your right Hand, crofs the deep Courfe below. 
 
 You fee the Fountain** long imprifon'd Streams 
 
 Leap out to wanton in the Sun's warm Beams. 
 
 There thro' a Marble-Pipe fome two Foot wide, 
 
 And deeper than a Pike's Length can decide, 
 
 Sick of long wand'ring in thqfe envious Caves, 
 
 She here difgorges, her tumultous Waves 
 
 With fuch a Force, that if you coit a Stone, 
 
 Any thing flat, altho'a heavy one, 
 
 Tho' the Fall make it fink, it will amain, 
 
 Like fqueairiiih Patients, throw it up again, 
 
 As a pale Leaf, kill'd by the Winter's Frown % 
 
 Nor, till it gain an Edge, receive it down. 
 
 So that it.feeqis, by the ftrange Force it has, 
 
 Rifing from fuch a pond'rous Mountain* Bafe, 
 
 As if prefs'd down with the great Weight, it thences 
 
 Deriv'd this fupernat'ral Violence. 
 
 Above the Spring, the Channel goes up ftill, 
 Dry now 5 but which the Cave does fometimes fill 
 With fuch a roaring and high fwelling Tide, 
 The talleU Firjl-rate-Frtgate there may ride. 
 Now to the Cave we come, wherein is found 
 A new ftrange Thing, a Village under Ground ; 
 Houfes, and Barns Sox Men, and Beafts behoof, 
 With diftinft Walls under one folid Roof 
 Stacks both of Hay and Turf which yield a Scent, fS 
 Can only fume from Satan'* Fundament*. 
 
 For 
 
of the PEAKE. 
 
 For this black Cave lives in the Voice of Fame 
 To the fame Senfe by a yet coarfer Name. 
 
 The Sulterranean People ready ftand, 
 A Candle each, moft two in either Hand; 
 To guide, who are to penetrate inclin'd, 
 The Intefiinum Reftum of the Fiend. 
 Thus, by a blinking and promifcuous Light, 
 We now begin to travel into Nighty 
 Hoping, indeed, to fee the Sun agen ; 
 Tho' none of us can tell, or how,, or when. 
 Now in your Way, a foft Defcent you meet, 
 Where the Sand takes th' Impreflion of your Feet, 
 And which, ere many Yards you meafur'd have, 
 Brings you into the Level of the Cave. 
 Some Paces hence the Roof comes down fo low, 
 The humbleft Statures are compell'd to bow, 
 Firft low, then lower ; till at la ft we go 
 On four Feet now,, who walk'd but now on two $ 
 Then ftraignt it lets you upright rife, and then 
 Force you to ftoop down, and to creep agen ; 
 Till to a filent Brook at laft you come, 
 Whofe limpid Waves dart Rays about the Room 5 
 But there the Rock its Bofora bows fo low, 
 That few Adventurers further prefs to go ; 
 Yet we mull thro' ; or elfe how can we give 
 Of this ftrange Place a perfect Narrative ? 
 But how's the Queftion : For the Water's deep^ 
 The Bottom dipping, flippery, and fteep ; . 
 Where if you flip, in ill Hour you came hither, 
 You moot under a Rock the Lord knows whither* 
 Then 'tis twelve Paces broad, to that fo low 
 The Rock does tow'rds the Water's Surface bow, 
 
328 The Wonders 
 
 That who will pafs, in double Danger's bound i 
 
 Rifmg he breaks his Skull, he's Hooping drown'd. 
 
 Thrice 1 the Pafs attempted with Defire, 
 
 And thrice I did inglorioufly retire ; 
 
 Till Shame did* that my Courage fail'd to do, 
 
 And, maugre Difficulties, forc'd me thro'. 
 
 As my Foot chock'd upon the further Shoar, 
 
 My Heart began to rife was funk before, 
 
 And as foon felt a new Accefs of Pain, 
 
 Now I was here, how< to get back again. 
 
 And with good Caufe ; for if (as fomedmcs here 
 
 By Mounts of Sand, within it dees appear 
 
 A rapid Current navigably deep, 
 
 The Sides and Bottom of the Cave does fweep) 
 
 There now fhould the leaft Rill of Water coma 
 
 To fill the fore-nam'd very little Room, 
 
 And higher fhould, but poor fix Inches, fwell, 
 
 'Twould render all Retreat impoffible. 
 
 But that Thought comes too late ; and they who takes 
 
 A Voyage once over the Stygian Lake 
 
 i -Where Souls for ever ufu'lly remain) 
 
 rlave better Luck, if they return again. 
 
 | Being o'er this dang'rous Pafs, above us now 
 Are high-roof d Vaults : Oh,, for a Golden Bough 
 |To charm the Train of that infernal God. 
 |Who in thefe Caverns makes his dark Abode ! 
 frhe Cave is here not only high, but wide, 
 iStretching itfelf fo far from Side to Side, 
 As if (paft thefe blind Creeks) we now were come 
 [nto the Hollow of the . Mountain's Womb, 
 |The ftately Walls of difPring Fabrick are* 
 bne Hoping, t' other perpendicular. 
 
of the P E A K E. 329 
 
 I Fabrkk fay, becaufe on the right Hand, 
 If you will climb the Acherontick Strand, 
 A curious Portal greets the wond'ring Eye, 
 Where ArchiteBure\ chiefeft Symmetry 
 Is ev'ry where obferv'd, and ferves to mow 
 The poor * Dejtgn above to this below. 
 Two Tufcan Columns jutting from the Wall, 
 With each his proper Bafe and Capital, 
 Support a well-turn'd Arch, and of one Piece, 
 With all its Mouldings, Frize and Coronice. 
 Oh ! who that fees thefe Things, but mull refledT: 
 With Wonder on th' Almighty Architect, 
 Whofe Works all human Art fo far excel ? 
 For, doubtlefs, he, that Heaven made, made Hell. 
 This leads into a handfcrae Room, wherein 
 A Bafon Hands with Waters Cryllalline, 
 To welcome fuch, as once, at leaft, fhall grace, 
 With unknown Light this folitary Place. 
 On this Side many more fmall Grottoes are, 
 Which, were the firlt, away, would all feem rare t 
 But, that once feen, we may the reft pafs by,, 
 As hardly worth our Curiofity. 
 But we mull back, ere we can forward go, 
 Into the Channel we forfook below ; 
 Thro' which the rugged Pafs does only lie 
 T'a further, and compleat Difcovery. 
 Being return'd, we now again proceed 
 Thoro' a Vale that's falebrous indeed ; 
 Squeezing our Guts, bruifmg our Flefh and Bones 
 To thruft betwixt maffy and pointed Stones, 
 
 * The Caftle over it. 
 
 "Some 
 
330 ¥be Wo n d e k s 
 
 Some three, fome four, and others five Foot high, 
 
 Puffing and fweating in our Induftry : 
 
 Till after three, or fourfcore Paces more, 
 
 We reach the fecond Rivers marble Shore, 
 
 s Four times as broad as that we pail before. 
 
 The Water's Mar gent here goes dcwn fo lleep, 
 
 That at firrV Step you chop in Middle-deep ; 
 
 But, tho' the Way be cumberfome and rough, 
 
 *Tis no where more, and fordable enough. 
 
 This, as the other, clear, differs in this, 
 
 The Bottom is of Sand, this Stony is ; 
 
 And here withal the Water is fo llrong, 
 
 That, as you raife one Foot to move along, 
 
 ^Without good heed, you will have much ado 
 
 To fix the other Foot from rifing too, 
 
 And yet there is no Current here, nor Spring, 
 
 T' occafion fuch an unexpe&ed Thing : 
 
 For tho' the Country-People are fo wife 
 
 To call thefe Rivers, they're but Stagnancies 
 
 Left by the Flood which, when retir'd again, 
 
 The Cave does in her hollow Lap retain. 
 
 As here thro' colling Stones we Humbling wade. 
 
 The narrow Cave calls fuch a dreadful Shade, 
 
 That being thence unable to difcover 
 
 With all our Light, how far the Lake was over, 
 
 We made a Halt, and, as the reft dehVd, 
 
 I now half-willing was to have retir'd i 
 
 And, had not Refolution then ftep'd in, 
 
 The great Adventure had not finifh'd bin. 
 
 But o'er we got, and from our Cloaths there rain*d 
 
 A welcome Show'r upon the thirfty Sand, 
 
 Of which we here vail Mountains faw, by Seas 
 
 Of Torrents waOi'd from diftant Provinces ; 
 
of the PEAKE. 33 
 
 For the hard Ribs of the Cave's native Stone 
 
 So folid are, that I'm fure yields none. 
 
 Cver thefe Hills we forward ftill contend, 
 
 Wiftiing and longing for our Journey's End ; 
 
 Till now again we faw the Rock defcend, 
 
 Forming a Roof fo even, fmooth, and fleek, 
 
 Without, or Crack, or Seam, or Chink or Nick, 
 
 Some twenty Paces long, and ten Foot high, 
 
 As the Mechanick Trowel may defy. 
 
 Fth' midft of which a Cupola does rife, 
 
 (As if to crown the other Rarities) 
 
 In th' exad Hollow of a weighty Bell, 
 
 Which does in Beauty very much excell 
 
 All I e'er faw before, excepting none, 
 
 Tho' I have been at Lincoln, and at Roane, 
 
 Juft beyond this a purling Rill we meet, 
 
 Which, tho' fcarce deep enough to wet our Feet, 
 
 Had they been dry, muft be a River too, 
 
 And has more Title than the other two ; 
 
 Becaufe this runs, which neither of them do. 
 
 Tho' ev'ry Kennel that we fee does pour 
 
 More liberal Streams in ev'ry Thunder-Jhovfr. 
 
 Juft where 'tis met, as if to fhun the Light, 
 
 It under Ground vanifhes out of Sight ; 
 
 We take the obvious Stream to be our Guide, 
 
 Sand-Hills, and Rocks by turns on either Side, 
 
 Plaining thro' Water, and thro' flabby Sand, 
 
 Till a vaft Sand-Hill once more bids us ftand : 
 
 For here again, who'er mall try, will know, 
 
 The hum'rous Rock defcends fo very low, 
 
 That the fvvoln Floods, when they in Fury rave, 
 
 Throw up this Mount, that almoft chokes the Cave, 
 
The Won t> e ks 
 
 Where, tho' the Brook offer'd to guide us ftill 
 Thro* a blind Creek o'th' right Hand of this £67/-$ 
 We thought it not Prudence to follow it, 
 Unlikely, we conceived our Bulks i* admit : 
 But ftorm'd the Hill, which riling -felt and fleep 
 So near the Rock, we on all four muft creep 
 It on the other Side as faft -does dip ; 
 And, to reward us for that mighty Pain, 
 Brought us unto our little Nymph again: 
 Which we fome Paces followed ftill, when there 
 A fudden Noife linking th* aftoniih'd Ear, 
 We neither could guefs what, nor tell from whence, 
 Struck us into Amazement and Sufpence. 
 We flood all mute and palled with the Sight ; 
 A Palenefs foincreas'd by paler Light, 
 That ev'ry Wand a Caduce did appear, 
 As we a Caravan of dead Folks were : 
 But really fo terrible a Sound, 
 Sure, ne'er was heard above, or under Ground. 
 To which the Difficulties we had had, 
 And Horror of the Place did fo much add, 
 That it was long before a Word came out, 
 To ask a Quellion, or refolve a Doubt. 
 But, by fome one, the Silence being broke, 
 i We all together in Confufion fpoke: 
 But all crofs-purpofe*, not a Word of Senfe, 
 Either to get or give Intelligence. 
 So when a tall and richly laden Ship, 
 Ploughing the Sea with all her Sails a-trip, 
 Suddenly ftrikes upon fome unfeen Nock, 
 Her Seams laid open by the pond'rous Shock, 
 The Vajfengers and Seamen tear their Throats 
 In confus'd Cries, and undiftinguifh'd Notes, 
 
of tbe VEAKE. 33? 
 
 Some thought a Flood was juft now breaking in f 
 
 Some that Pyracmon had at th* Anvil bin, 
 
 With Brontes, forging Thunderbolts for J OF E t 
 
 Or for fome Hero Arms i'th' Vv'orld above ; 
 
 Some faid, it Thunder'd ; others this, and that* 
 
 Ev'ry one fear'd, but not a Man knew what. 
 
 Till at the laft, a little calmer grown, 
 
 Again we liflen'd, then fpake one by one& 
 
 Began to think and temp'rately debate, 
 
 What we were bell to do in this Eftate. 
 
 The major Vote was, quickly to retire, 
 
 Which alfo thofe oppos'd it, did defire j 
 
 Tho' in the End we all agreed to fee 
 
 What the great Caufe of this Jlrange Noife might be * 
 
 Nor were we long in doubt 5 for, ere we had 
 
 But twenty Paces further Progrefs made, 
 
 Before our Eyes we faw it plain appear, 
 
 And then were out of Count "nance at our Fear* 
 
 On the right Hand our open PafTage lies, 
 
 Where once again the Roof does Hoping rifi 
 
 In a fleep, craggy, and a lubrick Shore, 
 
 As high, at leaft, as any where before ; 
 
 Where, from the very Top of all the Hi//, 
 
 A murm'ring Fountain does her Streams diftil ; 
 
 Which, thence defcending with a headlong Wave^ 
 
 Roars in remoter Windings of the Cave ; 
 
 Tho' here it does in gentle Whifpers brawl 
 
 Thro' little Stones, and is fcarce heard at all, 
 
 "The Water falling down fo filent here; 
 
 And roaring louder than the Thunderer*, 
 
 At a remoter Di fiance, feems, as if 
 
 The Cryjlal Stream, that trickles from the Cliff 9 
 
 i* Were 
 
534 Wo n d e r s 
 
 Were a Catarrh, that falling from the Brair^ 
 Upon his leathern Lungs, did thus conilrain 
 The Fiend to cough fo very loud, and rear 
 •Wis Marble Threat, and fright th* Adventurer* 
 But, if , this liquid Ca<ve does any where 
 Deferve the Title of a Grot, 'tis here : 
 For here, as from her Urn, the Nymph does pour, 
 The Water breaks on Rocks in fuch a ShowV, 
 .Sparkling quite round the Place, as made us doubt, 
 'Twould hazard fpitting all our Candles out ; 
 Which had it happen'd fo, we fairly might 
 Have bid unto the World a long good Night ; 
 Wherefore it did concern us to make haft, 
 And thus we have die third fam'd River paft. 
 
 Up the old Channel ftill we forward tend, 
 Wondring, and longing when our Search mould end J 
 For we are all grown weary of the Night, 
 And wihYd to fee the long-forfaken Light, 
 And, Reader now the happy Time draws near, 
 To end your Trouble, as it did our Fear : 
 For many Paces more we had not gone, 
 Before we came to a large Vault of Stone, 
 Curioufly arch'd, and wall'd on either Side, 
 Some thirty Paces long, and thirteen wide, 
 Scarce ten Foot high, which does deprive the Plac# 
 Unhappily of due Proportion's Grace. 
 This full of Water ftands, but yet fo clear, 
 That thoro' it the Bottom does appear 
 So fmooth, and even laid with glitt'ring Sand, 
 That the moll timVous will not make a Stand, 
 But boldly fteps into't to fee the End 
 To which all the fo ilrange Meanders tend : 
 
 The 
 
vf the PEAKE, §j£ 
 
 The firll Step's Ancle-deep, the next may be 
 
 To the Mid-leg, and no where paft the Knee, 
 
 Saving, that at the very End of all, 
 
 Where the Rock meets us with an even Wall. 
 
 Under the Foot, and in the midft of it, 
 
 There is a pretty Semi-circ'lar Pit, 
 
 About fome four Foot wide, and fix Foot deep. 
 
 Which underneath the Bajis dipping fteep, 
 
 And the impending Rock, at leaft, three Foot, 
 
 Defcending with a fharp round Peak into't, 
 
 Shuts up the Cave, and, with our own Defire 
 
 Kindly complying, bids us to retire. 
 
 Nor did we there make any longer Stay, 
 
 Than only Hooping with our Sticks t'elTay, 
 
 If pottering this, and that Way, we could find 
 
 How deep it went, or which Way k did wind. 
 
 Tho' 'twas in vain : For the low bended Rock 
 
 Did thofe ridiculous Endeavours mock. 
 
 This the fourth River is, altho' of more 
 
 Than three, and one unfordable, before 
 
 None ever heard ; and if a further Shore 
 
 Belong to this, i none ever paft it o'er ; 
 
 Nothing with Legs and Arms can come unto*t, 
 
 They mufi be Finns, and 'tis a Fifh mult do't. 
 
 But I am well afTur'd, none ever was 
 
 Till now fo far in this unwholfome Place ; 
 
 From whence with Falls and Knocks, tho' almoft Iamef 
 
 We falter much retreated, than we came; 
 
 And meas'ring it, as we returned again, 
 
 Found it five hundred Paces by the Chain, 
 
 We now once more behold the chearful Sun, 
 
 iknd, one wtuld think, 'twere time we here had don*. 
 
 P z 
 
.336 ^he Wonders 
 
 But ere I go, I muft one Story tell 
 Concerns the Place ; fo great a Miracle 9 
 As can't omitted be without Offence, 
 .It being an Effect of Providence. 
 
 The TowV that Hands on Tip-toe.in the Air* 
 And o'er the Channel perpendicular, 
 Is on a Hill by't felf, tho' not fo high 
 By infinite Degrees, as one clofe by, 
 A narrow Valley interpos'd between. 
 But this is all a Crag, the other, green 
 .On ev'ry Side from this old Cajlle down, 
 Is perfect Cliff, except towards the Town ; 
 'Where the Afcent is fleep i but in the Rock, 
 forc'd by the pond'rous Hammer's conqurtng Stroak, 
 A winding Way, from the rough Mountain's Foot, 
 Was made the only Avenue unto't. 
 *Tis true, that, juft over the Cave, the Hilt 
 In an extended Ridge continues (till : 
 Jut to fo fmall a Nectfs contracted there, 
 The Tower blocks the Pafs up with one Square S 
 And yet at once there has a Paffage been 
 Into the Fort this Way is to be feen, 
 By Ribs of Arches (landing of Free-done, 
 JOn which a Bridge has formerly been thrown, 
 Over a Gr^ff parts the Hill's double Grown : 
 But if by Art, or Nature, made, not known, 
 For it with Docks and Thiftles is o'ergrown. 
 On one Hand of this Bridge, 2l Cliff doth fall 
 •O'er the Cave's Mouth, fteep as a perpend Wall; 
 On t'other Hand one very near as rleep 
 i-ooks down into the Vale, but not fo deep£ 
 
ef the PEAK E. 
 
 337 
 
 For I am moft affur'd, that we did go 
 
 Under the Vale, when in the Cave below ; 
 
 -And the whole Diftance not twelve Paces is 
 
 Betwixt the one and t'other Precipice. 
 
 This Valley (which by the * Cave's-ivay is known) ; 
 
 Is one of the chief Paffes to the Town, 
 
 And where it more remotely does begin 
 
 Gently to dimple thefe two Hills between, 
 
 Fails with fo eafy a Defcent, as ne'er 
 
 Could trouble the moft Southern Traveller ; 
 
 But, that o'er-flipt, his Neck muft dearly pay*- 
 
 The Ralhnefs, if he will attempt that Way, 
 
 A Country fellow fome Years fince, wlio was 
 Nothing a Stranger to the tickle Pafs, • 
 Be'ng by his Mafier fent fome Friends to guid« 
 O'er thofe wild Mountains of the Foreft wide, 
 By them was fo rewarded, as to make 
 Him, who had guided them, his Way mi/lake : 
 For coming back, when Night the Day had clo&Mj 
 Garelefs, and drunk enough, may be fuppos'd^ 
 He learnedly the Pafs did overfhoot, 
 Thinking he was not yet arriv'd unto't : 
 But trotted on along the Mountain's Ridge, 
 Until he came almoft unto the Bridge 
 Glofe by the Tcwr, which, tho' it could not be' 
 Thirty Yards off, it feems, he could not fee j 
 To that Degree, either the Mifts or Night* 
 Or his Potation, did cbftruft his Sight, 
 
 * fie Valley on the Back-fide of the Cajile, calVd th* 
 Gave, a ad the CaveVway. 
 
 r 2 , 
 
\g$$ Wonders 
 
 But here he thought to turn into the Vale^ 
 Altho' his Mare, who, having had no Ale, 
 Was unto both their Safeties more awake, 
 At firft refus'd the dang'rous Step to take ; 
 Like unto peevifh Balaam** faithful Afs, 
 Who more clear-fighted than the Prophet wa*,. 
 Proving his Rider fo, for once, at leaft, 
 If not the greater Afs, the greater Be aft ; 
 But being fpurr'd up to the Place again, 
 Angry, it feems, her Counfe! was not ta'en,. 
 She took a greater Leap, againft her Will, 
 Than Fegafus from t* other Bi-top Hill, 
 With all th' Advantage that he had of Wing, 
 When from his Pinch ftarted the Poet's Spring 
 And from the giddy Height, the Lord knew ivhither^ 
 Down with a Vengance they both went together ;. 
 Where they did part, himfelf eouid ne'er declare*. 
 If on fome Rub by th' Way, or in the Air :. 
 2ut at the Bottom he was left for dead,. 
 With a good Memorandum on his Head, 
 That Jay'dhim fo afleep, he did not wake 
 Till with the Cold his Bones began to ake : 
 And then he ftirr'd, rovvling his heavy Eye- 
 Towards the Vault of the enamell'd Sky, 
 Which now thick fet with fparkling Stars he fee?, 
 That but of late had been no Friends of his ; 
 "And, by the Favour of the twinkling Light, 
 The Cajlle too appear'd above in Sight ; 
 By which he fiintly recollected where 
 His Worjhip was, tho' not how he came there : 
 But this filial! Senfe did opportunely come 
 To help liisn niaks a fiiift to ftumble Home. 
 
 Thither 
 
Tfiither he comes, and knocking at the Door 
 
 (Tho' not fo hard as he was knock'd before) 
 
 His Mailer hears at firft, and cries, Who's there ? 
 
 Why (poorly cries the other) I am here. 
 
 Up Harts the Mailer ilraight, and lets him in ; 
 
 IV/? Name of God (quoth he} where haft thou hin^ 
 
 That thourt thus late ? To which the wife Reply 
 
 Was this, Nay, Mafter, what the Dee* I know If 1 
 
 But fomewhere I have had a lungeous faw 
 
 Pm fure o* that, and, Mafter, that's neet aw. 
 
 A Candle then was lighted, when his Sconce 
 
 Did reprefent Raw-head and Bloody-bones. 
 
 A lungeous Vail indeed, the Matter faid, 
 
 'The very Looks would make a Man afraid $ 
 
 Thou haft drunk deep thy Hogs-head on the Tilt, 
 
 But where' s my Mare ? No matter where, hod's kit?> 
 
 Replies the Man, itti* Morninch fend, and fee, 
 
 The Devi T s Pow*r go with ihcfe Tor rs for met 
 
 His Dame was call'd, and he loon got to Bed, 
 
 Where fhe did wafh and drefs his great Calves-hea4 
 
 So well, that in the Morning 'twas his Care 
 
 To go, and flea, not to fetch home his Mare : 
 
 But fhe had fhar'd his Fortune, and was foun$ 
 
 Grazing within the Valley fafe and founds 
 
 Sans Hurt, or Blemim, fave a little Strip 
 
 Of Hair and Skin rippled upon her Hip. 
 
 The Hat, Saddle, and Cloth, denoted well, 
 
 As they were fcatter'd, found juft where they fell, 
 
 And yet, as oft as I the Place do view* 
 
 I fcarce believe, altho' I know this truec 
 
 But whofoe'er Ihall happen to come there*, 
 
 Will not reprove what I've delivered here 
 
 Since 
 
34$ tfa Wonders 
 
 Since with his Eyes he may the Place behold, 
 And hear this Truth affirm'd that I have told* 
 
 Southward from hence ten Miles, where Demvent \iv& 
 His broken Shores with never-clearing Waves, 
 There Hands a ftately and Itupendous * Pile 
 Like the proud Regent of the Britijh Ifle, 
 Shedding her Beams over the barren Vale, 
 Which elfe bleak Winds and nipping Frojls affail 
 With fuch perpefal War, there would appear 
 Nothing but Winter, ten Months of the Year. 
 
 This Palace, with wild Profpecls girded rounds 
 Stands in the middle of a failing Ground, 
 At a black Mountain's Foot, whofe craggy Brow 
 Secures from Eafiern Tempefts all below, 
 Under whofe Shelter Trees and Flowers grow, 
 With early Blojfoms, maugre native Snow ; 
 Which elfewhere round a Tyranny maintains, 
 And binds cramp'd Nature long in Cryfial Chains* 
 The Tabrkk'i noble Front faces the Pefi, 
 Turning her fair broad Shoulders to the Eaji \. 
 On the South- fide the ilately Gardens lie, 
 Where the fcorn'd Peake rivals proud Italy* 
 And on the North fev'ral inferior Blots, 
 For fervile Ufe fcatter'd,. do lie in Spots. 
 
 The outward Gate Hands near enough to look 
 Her Oval Front in the obje&ed Brook ; 
 
 * Chatfworth, the Seventh Wonder. 
 
of the PEAK E. $4* 
 
 Birf that me has better Reflection 
 
 From a lage Mirror nearer of her own ; 
 
 For a fair Lake, from Wafn of Floods unmixt, 
 
 Before it lies in Area fpread betwixt, 
 
 Over this Pond, oppofite to the Gate 
 
 A Bridge of a quaint Structure, Strength, and State, 
 
 Invites you to pafs over it, where, dry, 
 
 You trample may on Shoals of wanton Fry, 
 
 With which thofe breeding Waters do abound, 
 
 And better Carps are no where to be found, 
 
 A Tow'r of Antique Model the Bridge Foot 
 
 From the Peake-rahble does fecurely (hut, 
 
 Which, by Stone- flairs, delivers you below 
 
 Into the fweeteft Walks the World can mow. 
 
 There #Wand Water, Sun and Shade, contend, 
 
 Which mail the moft delight and moll befriend 3 
 
 There Grafs and Gravel in one Path you meet, 
 
 For Ladies tend'rer, and Mens harder Feet. 
 
 Here into open Lakes the Sun may pry, 
 
 A Privilege the clofer Groves deny ; 
 
 Or, if confed'rate Winds do make them yield, 
 
 He then but chequers what he cannot gild. 
 
 The Ponds, which here in double Order mine^ 
 
 Are fome of them fo large, and all fo fine, 
 
 That Neptune in his Progrefs once did pleafe 
 
 To frolick in thefe Artificial Seas 
 
 Of which a noble Monument we find, 
 
 His Royal Chariot left, it feems, behind ; 
 
 Whofe Wheels and Body moord up with a Chain, 
 
 Like Drake's old Hulk at Deptford, ftill remain, 
 
 No Place on Earth was ere difcover'd yet, 
 
 For Co?itemplation i or Delight fo fit. 
 
 The 
 
"§4"2 ^ e ^ O N D E K. 5 
 
 The Grows, whofe c/?rZ?^ 5r^v (hade every 
 
 Do ev'ry where fuch waving Landslips make, 
 
 As Painters bafRed Art is far above, 
 
 Who Waves and Leaves could never yet make ^5W. 
 
 Hither the warbling People of the Air 
 
 Prom their remoter Colonies repair, 
 
 And in the Shades, now fetting up their Refls, 
 
 Like C<zfar % $ S<wifs, burn their old native Nefts, 
 
 The Mufes to perch on the bending Sprays, 
 
 And in thefe Thickets chant their charming toys : 
 
 No Wonder then, if the *^ Heroick Song, 
 
 That here took Birth and' Voice, do fiouriih long. 
 
 To view from hence the glittering Pile above, 
 "(Which muft at once Wonder create and Love) 
 Environ'd round with Nature's Shames, and Ills, 
 Black Heaths, wild Rocks, bleak Crags, and naked Hills, 
 
 J\nd the whole Vrofpecl fo inform and rude, 
 Who is it, but muft prefently conclude, 
 That this is Paradife, which feated Hands 
 In midft ci ' Defarts, and of barren Sands P 
 "So a bright Diamond would look, if fet 
 In a vile Socket of ignoble Jet, 
 And fuch a Face the new-born Nature took,.. 
 When out of Chaos by the Fiat ftruck. 
 Do ub clefs, if any where, th ere never yet 
 So brave a Structure on fuch Ground was fet, 
 Which, fare, the Foundrefs built, to reconcile. 
 This to the other Members of the IJIe, 
 
 Iff, Uobbs de Mir. Pec. 
 
 And 
 
of ^PEAKE. 
 
 And would, therein, firft her own Grandeur {how, 
 And then what Art could, fpite of Nature, da. 
 
 But let me lead you in, 'tis worth the Pains,- 
 T'examine what this Princely Houfe contains 3 
 Which, if without fo glorious to be feen, 
 Honour and Virtue make it fhine within. 
 The fore-nam'd Outward Gate then leads into 
 A fpacious Court, whence open to the View 
 The noble Front of tjie whole JEdifice, 
 In a furprizing Height, is feen to rife. 
 Ev'n with the Gate-houfe, upon either Hand 
 A neat fquare Turret in the Corners fland^ 
 Gn each Side Plates of ever-fpringing Green, 
 With an afcending Pavlov- Walk between, 
 In the green Plat which on the Right-hand lies^ 
 A Fountain of ftrange Structure high doth rife, 
 Upon whofe llender Top, there is a vaft, 
 I'd almoft faid, prodigious Bafon plac'd ; 
 And, without doabt, the Model of this Piece 
 Came forth fome other Place, than Rome or Greece 9 
 For fuch a Sea, fupended in the Air, 
 I never faw in any Place, but there ; 
 Which mould it break, or fall, I doubt, we fhouM 
 Eegin to reckon from the fecond Flood. 
 Tho' this divert the Eye, yet all the while 
 Your Feet ftill move towards the attractive Pile, 
 Till fair round Stairs, fome fifteen Griefes high,-. 
 Land you upon a Terrafs, that doth lie 
 Of goodly Breadth along the Buildings, fquare, 
 Well pav'd, and fenc'd with Rail and Balujler: 
 From hence in fome three Steps, the inner-Gats 
 Rifes in greater Beauty, Art, and State, 
 
 S 6 
 
344 Wondirs 
 
 Than the proud Palace of the 6W, and all 
 Vain Poets fluff vainer Romance withal* 
 A Vice that much the Gallick Mufe infefh, 
 And, of good Writers , makes vi!e Architecls. 
 This to the Lodge admits, and two Steps more^ 
 Set you upon a level Axler Floor, 
 Which paves the inner Court, a curious Place 
 Fcrm'd by the am'rous St fuel tire's kind Embrace^ 
 I'th' Cen ter of this lhady Court doth rife 
 Another Fountain, of a quaint Device, 
 Which large-limb Heroes, with majeltick Porf**. 
 In their Habiliments of War, fupport. 
 Hence, crcfs the Court, thro' a fine Portico, 
 Into the Rody of the Houfe you go, 
 Where a proud Hail does not at all abate 
 Any thing promis'd by the outward State, 
 And where the Reader, we intreat, will pleafe,... 
 By the large Foot, to meafure Hercules : 
 For, fure, a vain and endlefs Work it were, 
 T' infill upon ev'ry Particular. 
 And mould I be fo mad to go about 
 To give account of ev'ry thing throughout, . 
 The Rooms of State, Stair-Cafes, Galleries, 
 Lodgings, Apartments, Clofets, Offices ; . 
 Or to defcribe the Splendors undertake, 
 Which ev'ry glorious Room a Heaven make ; 
 The Piclures, Sculpture, Carving, Graving, Gilding 
 *T\vculd be as long in Writing as in Building. 
 Yet, Chatfwortb, tho v thy Prijline Lineaments 
 Were Beautiful and Great to all Intents, 
 I needs mull fay, for I have feen both Faces, . 
 Thou'rt much more lovely in the modern Grace* 
 
of the PEAK E. 345 
 
 THy now great * Miftrefs has adorn'd thee in, 
 
 Than when thought fine enough to hold a f Queen. 
 
 Thy % Foundrefs drefs'd thee in fuch Robes y as they 
 
 In thofe old-fafhion'd Times reputed gay. 
 
 Of which new-ftript, and the old rulling Pride 
 
 Of Ruff and FartlAngale now laid ailde, 
 
 Thy Shapes appear, and thou thyfelf art feeri 
 
 A v&y Chriftian, and a modijh Queen : 
 
 Which (tho* old Friends fart ill) is Recompencc 
 
 For a few Goth and Vandal Ornaments ; 
 
 And all thefe Glories glitter to the Sight . 
 
 Fy the Advantage of a clearer Light. 
 
 The Glaziers Work before fubltantial was, 
 
 I mult confefs, thrice as much Lead, as Glafs, 
 
 Which, in the Sun's Meridian, call a Light, 
 
 As it had been within an Hour of Night. 
 
 The Windows now look like fo many Suns, 
 
 Ulullrating the noble Room at once : 
 
 The primitive Cafements model I'd were, no doubt, 
 
 By that thro' which the Pigeon was thrufi out, 
 
 Where now whole Sajbeszre but one great Eye, . 
 
 T'examine and admire thy Beauties by, 
 
 And, if we hence look out, we mail fee there 
 
 The Gardens too i'th' Reformation (hare, 
 
 Upon a Terrafs, as mod Houfes high, 
 
 Tho* from this Profped humble to your Eye 
 
 * The then Countefs of Devonfhire, 
 
 f* The Queen of Scots. 
 
 % : The Countefs c/"* Shrewsbury. 
 
 A ftatcr 
 
346 Wonders 
 
 A ftately Plat, both regular and vaft, 
 
 Suiting the red, was by the Foundrefs caff, 
 
 In thofe incurious Times, under the Rofe, 
 
 Defign'd, as one may faucily fuppofe, 
 
 For Li Hies, Pi ones, Daffodils, and Rofes, 
 
 To garnifh Chimnies, and make Sunday-Pojtes, 
 
 Where Goofeberries as good, as ever grew, 
 
 'Tis like, were fet ; for Winter-greens, the Tew, 
 
 Holly, and Box: For then thefe Things were new. 
 
 With, oh ! the honed Rofemary and Bays, 
 
 So much efteem'd in thofe good Waffel-Qd.ys. 
 
 Now in. the middle of this great Parterre 
 A Fountain darts her Streams into the Air 
 Twenty Foot high ; till by the Winds depreit, 
 Unable longer upwards to conteft, 
 They fall again in Tears for Grief and Ire, 
 They cannot reach the Place they did afpjre ; 
 As if the Sun melted the waxen Wings 
 Of thefe Icarian temerarious Springs, 
 For braving thus his generative Ray, 
 When their true Motion lies another Way.. 
 Th v ambitious Element, repulfed fo, 
 Rallies, and faves her routed Waves below, 
 In a large Bafon of Diameter, 
 Such as old Rome's expenfive Lakes did bear, 
 Where a Pacijick Sea expanded lies, 
 A Liquid Theater for Naumacbies ; 
 And where, in cafe of fuch a Pageant-War^ 
 Romans. in Statue ftill Spectators. are, . 
 
 Whe 
 
of the P E AK E, 347 
 
 Where the Ground fwells nearer the Hill above, 
 And where once flood a * Crag and Cherry-Grove, 
 (Which of Renown then flnr'd a mighty Part) 
 Initead'of fuch a barb'rous Piece of Art, 
 Such poor contrived dwarfifh and ragged Shades* 
 'Tis now adorn'd with Fountains and Cafcades, 
 Terrafs on Terrafs with their Stair-Cafes 
 Of brave and great Contrivance ; and to thefe, 
 Statues, Walks, Grafs-plats, and a Groove indeed^ 
 Where filent Lovers may lie down and bleed. 
 And tho' all Things were, for that Age, before 
 In truth fo Great, that nothing could be more ; 
 Yet now they with much greater Luftre ftand, 
 Touch'd up, and imim'd by a better Hand. 
 
 But that which Crowns all this, and does impart: 
 A Luftre far beyond the Pow'r of Art, 
 Is the great Owner, Fie, whofe noble Mind 
 For fuch a Fortune only was deiign'd. 
 Whofe Bounties,. as the Ocean's Bofom wide, 
 Flow in a conftant unexhaufted Tide 
 Of Flofpitality and free Accefs, 
 Liberal Condefcenfion, Cheerfulnefs , 
 Honour and Truth, as ev'ry of them flrove 
 At once to captivate Refpecl and Love : 
 And with fuch Order all performed, and Grace > 
 As rivet Wonder to the {lately Place. 
 
 * An Artificial Rock, fo called, 
 
348 fhe W O N D E R s, 0c v 
 
 But I muft give my Mufe the Hola here, 
 Refpeft muft check her in the wild Career ; 
 For, when we impudently do commend, 
 The Thing well meant, ill done, muft needs offend 
 His Virtues are above my Character, 
 Too great for Fame to fpeak, or Verfe to bear. 
 
 FINIS, 
 
BOOKS printed for J. and J. Bon wick, 
 
 the Red-Lion in St. Paul's Church-yard. 
 
 Ik A Juniani Juftini ex Trogi Pompeii Hiftoriis Ex- 
 JLVJl # ternis Libri XLIV. quam diligentiffime ex va- 
 riorum Exemplarium Collatione recenfiti & cafligati, Ss 
 Notis opcimorum Interpretum iBuftrati ; quibus additur 
 Chronologia ad Hiitoriam accommodati ; cum Indice 
 Rerum & Verborum praecfgue Memorabilium. Editio 
 fecunda, accurate recognita. 
 
 Compendium Syntaxis Erafmiatttz : Or, A Compendium 
 of Erafmuss Syntax ; with an Englifti Explication and 
 Refolution of the Rales according to both Ancient and 
 Modern Grammarians and Criticks. The Sixth Edition. 
 
 An Account of the Eight Parts of Speech, fo far as it 
 rs necefiary for Children to underiland them, before they 
 proceed to Propria Quce Maribus, and the other Parts of 
 the Latin Grammar. The Twelfth Edition. 
 
 Catechifmus cum ordine Confirmationis, Grace & La» 
 tine. Annexas funt Preces Quotidianae. 
 
 Thefe Four for the Ufe of Merchant-Taylors School* 
 
 2 T A X Y O A O r I A Spicilegium : Sive, Nova 
 Quorundam Graecorum Epigrammatum Colleclio, Ver- 
 fione Latina, & necefTariis Notis Explicata : Cum Indice 
 turn Verborum turn Rerum. Editio Quarta, pricre emenda- 
 tior. In Ufurn Scholar Felltedienfts^ Com. ElTexiee. 
 S. L Y D I A T, nuper Gymnafiarcho. 
 
 Hugonis Grotii Baptizatorum Puerorum Inflitutio, at* 
 ternis Interrogationibus 8c Refponfionibus ; cui adjicitur 
 Graeca ejufdem Metaphralis a Cbr. Wafi. 
 
 A New 
 
A New English 
 
 DICTIONARY: 
 
 
 Wi, a VvOMrLt AT 
 
 
 
 T T T? T» T /~V 
 
 L, Lf .b C I 1 O 
 
 "XT' 
 
 
 Of the moil 
 
 
 Proper 
 
 nnd: Significant W o n 
 
 
 
 AND 
 
 
 I 
 
 Cj Iv M o or ART) 
 
 
 
 Commonly ufed in the 
 
 
 L A 
 
 N G U A G 
 
 
 
 WITH 
 
 
 A continued Short and Clear Exposition". 
 
 The Whole digefted into Alphabetical Order ; and 
 chiefly dengnM for the Benefit of young Scholars,- 
 Trade/men, Artificers, Foreigners, and the Female Sex, 
 who would learn to Spell truly ; 'being fo fitted to eve- 
 ry Capacity, that it may be a ready and continual 
 Help to all that want an Inftrudtor. 
 
 As ajfo three ufeful Tables, <vi%. 
 
 I. Of Proper Names of Men, efpecially thofe that am 
 contained in the Holy Bible; fhewing their true Ori- 
 ginal and Derivation. 
 
 II. Of Proper Names of Women ; with the fame Expli- 
 cation.. 
 
 III. Of Nisk-Names, or Engiifh Chriftian Names ab- 
 breviated or made Ihcrt. 
 
 The Fourth Edition, carefully Revifed : With ?nany 
 important Additions and Improvements* 
 By J. K. 
 
 N. B. Or. Watts, in Page % i . of his Art of Reading and Writing 
 Enghjhy gives the following Dire&ions, viz, *' In your younger 
 <( Tears efpecially^ take all proper Opportunities fir Writing, and be 
 €x careful io fpeli every Word true: %B7s m ay be done by the Help of 
 c< feme fmall Er.gl.iih DicJionary, where tb^Words are put down in the 
 * ( Order of the Alphabet j and f you dmibt of the fpellir<r of aiy Word % 
 11 write it not without firft confulting the Dictionary. - -The heft Di&i- 
 << onary, that I know for this Purpofe, is entitled , A New Englifb 
 <* Dictionary, by J, K. in a fmall Oclaz-o. 
 
Juji PubHJked. 
 
 Printed for S. Birt, at the Bible in 
 Ave-Mary-Lane* 
 
 LEtfers wrote by a Turk/Jh Spy,, who liv'd Five and 
 Forty Years uridifcover'd at Paris, Giving an 
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THE ROYAL G A U G E R 5 or Ghtf** 
 made Eafy, (not as taught by Pretenders to that Art* but) 
 ss it is actually pra£ifed by the Officers of his M^jefty's Revenue of 
 Excife. In Two Parts. 
 
 Part I. Containing the practical Methods of finding the Area's 
 and Contents cf iuch Superficies and Solids, as are the Foundation of 
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 when full, or Part empty: The Examples being performed both by 
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 and Malt only, but in the Neiu Duties, viz. Candles, Soap, Starch, 
 Sec. which have been Duties fubfifting by La<w thefe 30 Years 5 and are 
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 Officers Duty, tho* they have never been fo much as once touched 
 Upon by any Author. 
 
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 Together with fuch DLe&ions for the Officers ConduEi, as are ne- 
 ceflary for afcertainin? and fecuring the refpeclive Duties, to which the 
 following Proiefiions are liable. 
 
 j. Wine- Importer!) 
 
 8, Df tillers, 
 
 9. Tanners, 
 
 10. Taivers, 
 
 11. Cil-Dreffers, 
 
 Sope-mahers, 
 Chandlers, 
 J 4. Starch makers, 
 
 15. Paper -makers, 
 
 16. * Hop- Planters* 
 
 % Victuallers, 
 2>. By- B reivers, 
 g. Common Brewers , 
 
 4. Maltfters, 
 
 5. Malt -Compounders, 
 
 6. Dealers m Cyder, 
 A Work ihewing young Officers the Perfe&io^fcf Skill in difcharging 
 
 their Trufts, and very advantageous to thofe Traders, who 
 would undsrftand how to afcertain the Amount of the refpeclive 
 Duties to which they are fubjeft, without depending upon the 
 Skill and Integrity of the King's Officer. 
 <* To which is added, 
 
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 The whole illuftrated with many Copper-Plates, new defignM, and 
 much better adapted to the Subject, than any Trcatife of this Kan* 
 extant. 
 
 By CHARLES LEADBETTER, 
 
 Many Tears a Gauger in the Royal Revenue of Excife, new a Teacher 
 of the Mathematicks in London, P*ice 6 9$ 
 
THEGSTTYCSffS* 
 LIORAfiRf