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HUMOR IN ANIMALS 
 
 i 
 
COPYRIGHT BY 
 
 G. P. PUTNAM'S SONS 
 1885 
 
 Press of 
 G. P. Putnam's Sons 
 New York 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
\ 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 Humor in Animals . i 
 
 "Bone," the Owl • . . 3 
 
 The Crane 7 
 
 Crows 14 
 
 Swallows' Jokes . .20 
 
 The Parrot Family 25 
 
 Domestic Fowls 32 
 
 The Case of the Dodo 33 
 
 Elephantine Jokes 39 
 
 Dogs and their Fun 43 
 
 Cats 54 
 
 The Lion's Reply 61 
 
 The Facetious Bear 65 
 
 The Monkey's Soliloquy 72 
 
 The Two Monkeys 76 
 
 The Fox's Views 82 
 
 A Rat's Point of View 85 
 
 The Speech of the Ass 88 
 
 Donkey's Doings. 90 
 
 The Camel's Claim 94 
 
 The Seal 96 
 
 The Hippopotamus 100 
 
 The Tortoise has his Say 102 
 
 vii 
 
HUMOR IN ANIMALS. 
 
 7HILE I shall attempt to make my treatment of this subject 
 conform to my title, yet I will not promise to keep strictly 
 to it. Other elements, seemingly foreign, must come in for its 
 better elucidation, and these will give their supporting evidence, 
 while I trust that they will be found no less interesting than the 
 main subject. 
 
 The manner of expression of the inferior animals is so obscure 
 and so entirely different from that of man, that we can only know 
 their real feelings by the closest study. They are the victims of 
 our ignorance. Even the domestic animals, so constantly associ- 
 ated with mankind, suffer continually from misunderstandings ot 
 their intentions and motives, as well as from ignorance of their 
 ways of thought and manner of looking at things. It is not a new 
 theory that all human qualities are parcelled out among the lower 
 animals, each one sharing with man such traits as his needs 
 require, and no more. If this were true, and were all the truth, 
 there are no exclusively human traits, but only animal, — man being 
 the epitome of the whole. This may be entirely true of the well- 
 defined characteristics, but certain sentiments and .sv^-attributes, so 
 to speak, based upon those possessed by all, are bestowed upon 
 man alone ; and of these no lower creature can have any concep- 
 tion. They lift him far above all other animals that we know. 
 
2 Humor in Animals. 
 
 Beyond the most obvious impulses, we have no means of deter- 
 mining the motive for any act of animals except by the closest 
 and most careful study of individuals. Only by long-continued 
 intimacy with one member of a species can we form a base upon 
 which to build a theory or arrive at a just estimate of their peculiar 
 characters. How many human individuals, with all their likeness 
 of habits and of expression, are past finding out! We are often 
 astonished to discover traits in our most intimate friends and 
 acquaintances that we never suspected until they were developed 
 by some unusual occasion. How much harder is it to ascertain 
 the true feelings of those creatures whose language we have hardly 
 begun to know ? We can arrive with certainty at only a few con- 
 clusions, and those, as I have said, only by the closest observation. 
 
 All animals are now held by science to be more or less simi- 
 lar in kind ; and it is therefore not impossible that every living 
 creature has, dormant or active, the quality of humor. It is, to be 
 sure, difficult for vivacious man to conceive of a staid matter-of- 
 fact old turtle having any fun in him. And yet, in his solemn way, 
 he may have considerable mild enjoyment of that sort, though he 
 never expresses it by mirth, or even by a smile. This is not his 
 way. What might tickle his sluggish sense of drollery would not, 
 probably, seem so funny to ourselves. No more can we compre- 
 hend where he finds his domestic felicity in- his slim}- home, though 
 this is undoubtedly " as clear as mud " to him. Certainly life must 
 have its strong attractions, even for a turtle. And as he clings to 
 it with great tenacity for an indefinite length of time, it is not im- 
 probable that a little dull fun mingles in now and then to season 
 it withal. 
 
" BONE," THE OWL. 
 
 THE grave and philosophical owl would hardly be more readily 
 suspected of descending to jocularity than the tortoise. But 
 I once possessed, for several years, an interesting specimen of the 
 barred or gray owl ; and, as I gave him careful study, I am able to 
 write confidently of his ability to stoop from his dignity, and even 
 to indulge in ludicrous frolics at times. These partook so much of 
 the whimsical as seemingly to carry them beyond mere playful- 
 ness. At all events, my owl's grotesque performances answered 
 every purpose of humor, and were the cause of much enjoyment 
 and merry comment in the village, where they rendered him quite 
 famous. Whether intentional or not, " Bone " — that was his name 
 — was clearly recognized as a great wag. 
 
 He was very fond of playing in the water at times. Often he 
 would repair to the middle walk of the garden, where a pool of 
 water, fourteen inches deep or more, would stand for some time 
 after a heavy shower. Here Bone's aquatic performances were 
 eagerly watched, the more so because they were always diversified 
 by something new, according to the circumstances. Upon one 
 occasion, I remember, a little box, a foot or so square, that had 
 contained flower-roots, had been carelessly left in the path ; it was 
 bottom up, and half the bottom was gone. The box was but little 
 deeper than the water, which brought its edge and the remaining 
 piece of the bottom near the surface. This box Bone regarded 
 
 3 
 
4 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 with much interest, and after many quaint antics around it he 
 finally gave it his entire attention. Leaping upon the remaining 
 half of the bottom, he gazed with great earnestness into the depths 
 of the open space, then turning, he bestowed upon the lookers-on 
 an irresistible stare that caused much laughter. At this he seemed 
 to take umbrage, and replied by a vigorous snapping of his beak 
 in a threatening manner. Still he did not consider the affront to 
 his dignity as of sufficient importance to turn him from his purpose. 
 Looking again into the open half of the box, he jumped up over 
 the uncovered place, holding his great round head high up, and 
 then plumped down feet first into the box, which forced his head 
 back and tail forward until they nearly met ; these were then all 
 that could be seen of Bone above the edge of the box. Naturally 
 my gray owl cut a most absurd figure in this situation, and he 
 seemed to know and enjoy it, for there he remained, turning his 
 head in all directions, often bestowing upon the by-standers that 
 same solemn gaze as before ; but now he did not seem to take 
 offence at the consequent laughter. 
 
 Bone was constantly doing queer and unexpected things, the 
 motives of which were more easily explained by attributing them 
 to a sense of waggery than to any thing else. 
 
 One afternoon in early autumn I was standing in the front 
 yard near the fence upon which the owl was sitting, when a boy of 
 the village came down the street looking very anxious and solemn. 
 He marched straight up to the fence, not seeming to notice the 
 bird, who was usually a great favorite with him, and exclaimed : 
 " Say ! I 've got the canker-rash ; do you know any thing about 
 it ? " (The canker-rash was a much-dreaded disease of the mouth, 
 often fatal among children.) At the same time he opened to the 
 fullest extent a mouth that was capacious enough to harbor any 
 
5 
 
6 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 amount of fatal disease, and closing his eyes, waited my inspection. 
 The owl seeing this enormous cavity yawning before him, stooped 
 down and peered into it in the most earnest and scientific manner. 
 My boisterous mirth so grated upon the poor boy's feelings, wrought 
 up as they were by his fears, that he cried with vexation and 
 threatened to " kill the darned bird ! " I was soon able to pacify 
 him, however, for upon inquiry I found he had been out in the lots 
 eating green hazel-nuts, which, as personal experience had taught 
 me, would often produce that result. The revulsion of feeling 
 from alarm to confidence restored his good humor, and that 
 ample mouth was brought into requisition for the most extensive 
 grins of pleasure. 
 
THE CRANE. 
 
 IN all respects save one the crane is the very antipodes of 
 the owl. In form and habits they are unlike ; but each 
 bird is mysterious and secluded. The solitary >>\vl acts from his 
 own undivulged motives and keeps his own counsel. The grega- 
 rious crane also holds aloof from the world, and conducts himself 
 with entire independence of its modes, wishes, or opinions. Each, 
 however, holds his share of animal characteristics according to 
 his requirements, and this one of humor, I am convinced, from 
 observation, is a well-defined attribute in the composition of both. 
 In the case of the owl I have given above such evidence as I 
 could put i:i words. I know that it may seem insufficient to the 
 reader who has never had the opportunity of watching, analyzing, 
 and comparing each little act and peculiarity with the whole, 
 rounded character of the owl, and from this arriving 1 at his 
 conclusions. But the dance of the cranes, as often witnessed by 
 travellers upon the vast Western plains, performed by hundreds 
 of individuals, each exerting his utmost powers to surpass all 
 others in extravagance of action, is more reasonably explained 
 as being a grand general frolic of these strange birds than by 
 attributing it to any other tribal motive. In a dance pure and 
 simple the element of humor does not necessarily enter. But 
 dances, like every thing else, may be employed for the outward 
 expression of various sentiments. The pleasure afforded by the 
 
9 
 
IO 
 
 H r umor in Animals. 
 
 " poetry of motion," for instance, it is claimed, forms the chief 
 incentive for the dances of which the young of the human species 
 are so fond. Indians engage in a frantic war dance before going 
 forth to do battle. The " Shakers " have a religious dance which 
 to them is solemn and full of meaning, though to the unregenerate 
 outside world it seems irresistibly funny. But certainly no one 
 would ascribe a religious meaning to this dance of the cranes. It 
 is not at all like a ballet dance, nor would it be more reasonable to 
 call it a war dance in imitation of their wild human neighbors, 
 since no fighting follows it. Had their ancient foes, the dwarfs, 
 emigrated to this continent and colonized on the prairies, it 
 might be a reasonable conjecture that the birds were preparing to 
 renew the old warfare that Ovid celebrates, and that this was a 
 prelude to one of those fierce, picturesque battles ; but as the 
 dwarfs are not visibly there, nor foe of any sort save man, and as 
 every feature of the dance seems to justify the conclusion, we are 
 forced to the conviction that it is the season of fun and frolic with 
 these fowls. It is the crane carnival, the festival where grotesque- 
 ness rules the scene ; and that feeling is accompanied by a sense 
 of the humorous akin to it — in short, a part of it. One of these 
 performances in progress is a strange and most interesting sight. 
 Each bird seems to use his utmost ingenuity to get himself into 
 absurd positions and go through the most fantastic movements, 
 thrusting the head close along the ground and hopping upon one 
 foot with one wing to support it, he raises the other wing and leg 
 high in air. Then, in a moment, he changes to an upright posi- 
 tion, with the head at its utmost height ; both wings sweep the full 
 extent of their half circle, touching at each extreme, and carrying 
 the bird along by a succession of uncouth leaps. This evolution 
 suddenly changes again to a crouching run, with the great wings 
 
12 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 hovering close to the ground, as if in pursuit of a fast-fleeing ser- 
 pent ; and so on through many fanciful evolutions for each one of 
 the hundreds of birds. There is in all this evidently a purpose, 
 and that purpose can be no other than the enjoyment, by each 
 performer, of the absurd contest, in which every bird, uncouth at 
 best, does his uttermost to look ridiculous. The enjoyment of the 
 ridiculous is the sense of humor. 
 
13 
 
CROWS. 
 
 HE crows or ravens have undoubtedly a large share of the 
 
 birds would afford a rich yield of anecdote to prove their claim, 
 beyond all other fowls, except the parrot family. The truth is, how- 
 ever, that there is less positive or direct evidence of humor in their 
 character than in that of the other birds of which we have spoken ; 
 unless, indeed, we regard the love of mischief as a proof of humor. 
 In that case there is abundant testimony. It is difficult to account 
 satisfactorily for the creature's irrepressible instinct to steal and 
 hide away shining things. This may be, however, a distant family 
 trait, a reflex of the miser element, that is so prevalent in the 
 human family. And, aker all, the great difference between the 
 niggard man and the crow, seems to be the bird's inability to dis- 
 tinguish between the precious and baser metals. He takes " all 
 that glitters " for gold, which lessens the labor of hoarding con- 
 siderably, and answers the same purpose to him as to the miser. 
 The raven's covetousness, however, is not confined to shining 
 objects. Things attractive from color or light and airy texture, 
 also excite his cupidity. 
 
 In a village where I lived many years ago, a crow named Jim, 
 owned by a citizen, had the freedom of the town, although he was 
 a great pest and threats against his life were constant. Notwith- 
 standing this he was, upon the whole, a general favorite, and every 
 
 trait of humor. It would be expected that these sagacious 
 
15 
 
i6 
 
 Humor in Animals, 
 
 house seemed to be regarded by him as his home. One beautiful 
 Sabbath morning, an old lady stood before her glass arranging her 
 hair with most scrupulous care before putting on her new cap ; 
 it had come home the night before, and hung upon a chair near 
 the open window. As she was inserting the last hair-pin a rushing 
 sound startled her. Looking around she saw Jim, his ebon coat 
 shining in the sun with alternate green, purple, and gold. " Why 
 Jim, you beauty ! " exclaimed the kindly old soul, admiringly, " is 
 that you ? " Jim answered not a word, but, glancing about, he cast 
 his eye upon that cap. One dash, and the next moment saw him, as 
 also did several early church-goers, sailing over the town with the 
 new cap streaming against the sky, and all its bright ribbons fluttering 
 behind ! It was the last ot the cap, within mortal ken ; and I may 
 add that the old lady was moved by the incident to change her 
 mind about attending church that morning. 
 
 An old gentleman who had retired from business, amused him- 
 self by raising choice fruits, and took pride and pleasure in sending 
 to his friends and neighbors, baskets full of the finest in their season. 
 But, on account of the birds, and particularly on account of Jim, he 
 had a world of trouble with his cherries. He could, to be sure, set 
 the boys to shoot the woodpeckers, and even the robins, and cherry- 
 birds, but to remove Jim, who had taken it into his head to meddle 
 with his ox-hearts, was out of the question. What was the more 
 aggravating was that Jim's ravages were so wanton. Had he only 
 stopped the work of destruction when he had enough, there would 
 have been a limit ; but in his idleness he wasted indefinite quanti- 
 ties of fruit, simply to gratify the pleasure he found in seeing them 
 fall from the housetop to the ground. After watching a cherry 
 until it struck the earth, he took no further interest in that experi- 
 ment, but returned to the tree to make another. Picking another 
 
THE SCARE-CROW. 
 
 17 
 
1 8 Humor in Animals. 
 
 cherry, he would bring it back to the ridge of the house, always 
 alighting a few feet back. Then, marching to the gable, he would 
 let the cherry drop, at the same time turning his head, to watch its 
 descent with one eye — after the manner of all fowls. This pastime 
 he would keep up for hours together, to the great annoyance of the 
 old gentleman, but, it must be confessed, to the delight of the vil- 
 lagers generally. It is quite probable that the amusement of these 
 idlers formed a part of the inducement for Jim to continue the mis- 
 chief. He began it solely for his own entertainment, finding his 
 diversion in watching the fruit in its fall, and seeing it diminish as 
 it receded. It was probably an interesting mystery to his unsci- 
 entific mind. But, being encouraged by the crowd of lookers-on, 
 he took many more of the old man's cherries than he would 
 have taken for his ( own entertainment alone. In all this, there 
 was something nearly allied to the element of humor. 
 
 It is only in the few instances where nothing else will explain 
 the act, that we are able to say positively that this attribute is not 
 confined to the human family. But these few cases are enough 
 to make it certain that humor is often felt and indulged in ways 
 outside of our conception, and by animals that we may never 
 have suspected to possess it. Where fowl or brute is so constantly 
 addicted to mischief, for mischief's sake, it can hardly be that 
 humor does not enter into their performances. And it seems 
 strange that many of the most intelligent creatures that are most 
 likely to possess this quality in a large degree, are so ambiguous in 
 all that they do, as to show no certain trace of this one element in 
 any act. The raven family are so full of most astonishing cunning 
 and sagacity, wild or tame, and in a domestic state so constantly 
 prone to mischief, it seems to me they must be possessed of 
 humor as well, yet I am unable to point to a single instance to 
 
Crows. 
 
 19 
 
 positively prove it. They soon learn that which is of any advantage 
 for them. How well they know the use the farmer has for a gun ! 
 How well they distinguish its form from that of a hoe, rake, crowbar, 
 or any l'ke implement that he carries ! The crow studies out all 
 man's devices for entrapping or frightening him. It requires but a 
 short acquaintance to render the " scare-crow " a misnomer, and he is 
 quite shrewd enough to understand why the stuffed image is placed 
 in the field. And I ma)' add here that it is well he is able to pro- 
 tect himself against these indiscreet efforts to exterminate him. 
 Notwithstanding his forays upon planted fields, the protection that 
 he gives to the crops far exceeds h's encroachments upon them. 
 The farmer could better afford to sow a double, yes, a quadruple 
 quantity of seed, than dispense with his services as a worm- and 
 insect-destroyer. 
 
SWALLOWS' JOKES. 
 
 AN incident which I have just heard from a most reliable source, 
 seems to me — though not furnishing conclusive evidence — 
 a fair proof that swallows are also possessed of humor. No one who 
 has watched these sprightly creatures in their flight, now skimming 
 close to the surface of the still lake, their reflected forms seeming 
 to double their numbers, now mounting high over the tree tops 
 and houses, darting here and there and making the calm sky 
 lively with their airy gambols, can doubt the joyousness of their 
 existence. Nor can the careful observer of general nature have 
 failed to observe that the exhilaration of such buoyant pleasures 
 develops a spirit of mischief, and, as I have before said, this spirit 
 is but another phase or form of humor. But to my story. My 
 friend, who is the principal of a military academy, told me that 
 when he took possession of his present flourishing institution and 
 brought his family to the establishment, it had been some t'me de- 
 serted, having run down entirely under the preceding administra- 
 tion. The rambling old building was uninhabited, save by a colony 
 of chimney swallows who had their numerous nests in the ample 
 old-fashioned chimney, and were sporting in vast numbers in the 
 great kitchen, which they entered from the fireplace, as well as 
 through a window that had been left open. He had brought with 
 him a corps of servants ready to put the place in order at once, and 
 to prepare it for occupancy. Among these servants was an Irish 
 
 20 
 
21 
 
22 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 cook, as massive as became her occupation, and excitable, super- 
 stitious, and exuberant as became her nationality. Immediately 
 upon arriving, this sturdy cook waddled down the stairs to inspect 
 the kitchen ; upon thrusting open the cobwebby door she found 
 herself an intruder upon her own precincts, as it were. She was 
 overwhelmed at the presence of so much company ; as she herself 
 expressed it, she stood spachless / The birds also were thrown into 
 great perturbation by the unwonted visitation, darting wildly about 
 the room, and making a perfect din of twitter. The master, who 
 happened to be where he could look through a side window, was 
 an interested witness, and described the scene to me. As the cook 
 did not move from the spot where she stood, the little creatures be- 
 gan to regain confidence, and seemed to regard her more with 
 curiosity than fear, and grew continually bolder as they saw no 
 effort to restrain them. Those outside, to be sure, would for a 
 time approach the window, then lose courage, Avheel, circle around 
 the air, come again and again, until they mustered courage to go 
 in and investigate the bulky figure of the cook with their fellows, 
 darting across the room at first, up the chimney, and so on, around 
 to the open window again, until the whole colony became a living 
 band circling around through the kitchen by way of window and 
 chimney. All this time the cook stood in dazed wonder ! Still 
 the little birds, growing all the while more i npudent, flew past her 
 a black, fluttering mass, and now be^an to make little detours 
 towards her, which all the time came nearer and nearer as each 
 swallow vied with his leader in bravado, until they fairly flapped 
 their saucy wings in her very face, and really seemed to greatly 
 enjoy her consternation ! But an Irish tongue cannot long remain 
 "spachless" and cook, indignant at the impudence of the "little 
 bastes" broke out with all the choice invectives the nimble Celtic 
 
Swallows yokes. 
 
 23 
 
 brain can conceive under the incentive of extraordinary provoca- 
 tion. She began to strike at the creatures with both of her plump 
 red hands. To dodge around them gave new poignancy to the 
 swallows' sport, and they indulged in it with such zest and vigor 
 that the cook was forced to seek refuge in Right. She labored up 
 the stairs again where she presented herself before her mistress, 
 breathless as well as " spachless." Soon regaining her breath, 
 however, speech followed presently. She entertained the lady for 
 half an hour with a most instructive medley of wit, wisdom, 
 nonsense, drollery, and superstition, until breath and " spach gave 
 out again. The swallows and Mrs. Cook afterwards became good 
 friends, though the birds were banished from the kitchen. 
 
 My informant was convinced from what he saw, that after re- 
 covering their confidence, those birds were well aware of the effect 
 of their impudent assault upon the cook, and delighted at it. Had 
 he needed further support for this conviction, the birds again 
 furnished it by subsequently attempting the same trick upon him- 
 self and wife. As the two were seated upon the front porch one 
 afternoon, they observed the swallows circling nearer and nearer to 
 where they sat ; and, remembering the experience of the cook, 
 suspected what was premeditated. The hall ran through the 
 house, and both doors were open, so that it was evident the 
 birds had seen the light, and contemplated another wild chase 
 through the hall, to end up probably with attentions to them- 
 selves. Already now and then one darted under the roof of the 
 porch over their heads, then flew far away into upper air, as if to 
 recover breath after the daring exploit. If there had been any 
 doubt of their design, it was revealed when one brave fellow 
 boldly entered the hall door. He was scarcely in, however, be- 
 fore he lost heart, wheeled and out again with a cry of alarm as 
 
24- 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 if really pursued, and sailed swiftly away from danger and tempta- 
 tion. His example was soon followed by others, however, until 
 several entered boldly. But in the darkness of the hall the nerv- 
 ous leader lost his head, and consequently his way, getting into 
 the parlor, the door of which was also open, and there into a 
 hopeless muddle. Of course, his followers did not arrive at the 
 point of paying their attentions to the lady and gentleman. Their 
 projected frolic was a failure ; and they were only too glad to 
 use the ways of escape — the parlor windows that were kindly 
 opened to them. 
 
THE PARROT FAMILY. 
 
 E now come to a family of birds whose actions are so clear 
 
 » V as to render mistake as to their character impossible. There 
 can no be misunderstanding the motives for many, at least, of the 
 acts and antics of parrots. This numerous family of birds, unique 
 in their form and general construction, quaint in every motion, and 
 comical in expression, forms an inexhaustible theme and study. In 
 many respects parrots are distinct from all others of the feathered 
 tribe. As minutely observing as are the ravens, parrots are also 
 marvellously imitative, especially of the sound and tones of voice, 
 etc. It is doubtful whether they have any conception of the im- 
 port of the words they are taught to utter, but as they are seldom, 
 if ever, inapt in the use of their limited vocabulary, we must con- 
 clude that they have something cf that partial understanding that 
 children have — that of associating sounds with incidents and thingfs. 
 When an occasion arises where an expression they have learned 
 would be appropriate they are pretty sure to volunteer a remark 
 including it ; and always, seemingly, with more or less waggish or 
 mischievous intent. My friend is the owner of a parrot who is an 
 extraordinary talker. There is never a knock at the door that he 
 does not cry out, " Come in ! " When the guest enters, he says, 
 " Good-morning," without much reference to the time of day how- 
 ever, and this he follows up with the inquiry : " Just come in ; 
 what s the news ? " 
 
26 Humor in Animals. 
 
 Among other things, he has been taught to spell dog, and 
 confirm the correctness of his spelling as follows : " d-o-g dog, 
 bow-wow, that s right ! " One day his master heard him repeat- 
 ing his exercise with the " o " left out — thus : " d-g dog, bow-wow, 
 that 's right ! " and repeating it so often and watching his master 
 so close, my friend had no doubt it was done for the purpose of 
 provoking correction. So turning to the bird, he said: " No, Poll ; 
 that is not right, d-o-g dog, that is right," " d-g dog, bow-wow, 
 that 's right ! " returned the parrot. After correcting him several 
 times with the same result, the bird replied, perhaps betraying a 
 little irritation in his voice. : " Well, it 's no matter! " and dropped 
 the subject. 
 
 The attribute of humor is undoubtedly found among every 
 species of parrots. It would be difficult to say, however, which 
 particular species is endowed with the greater share. Its ex- 
 pression in some is vague and obscure, while in others it is so 
 much within the scope of human understanding, that the meaning 
 of almost every act is obvious. A gentleman had a seemingly 
 ungifted parrot. He never developed any particular sense until, 
 one day, he was given a piece of meat which the cat coveted and 
 climbed up to the cage to purloin. The bird offered no resistance, 
 but on the contrary fluttered about the top of the cage in great per- 
 turbation and tremor, until in her efforts the cat turned in such a 
 manner that the tail fell between the bars of the cage. The parrot, 
 seeing this, seemed to forget his fear, dropped instantly to the 
 bottom of the cage, caught the obtruding tail in his strong beak, 
 and gave it such a vigorous pinch as sent the cat squalling to the 
 floor. Immediately the bird set up a ha ! ha ! in splendid imita- 
 tion of his master's lau^h, which he was never before known to 
 attempt. Nor did he ever try it again, for the cat never gave him 
 
THE CAT AND THE FAR ROT. 
 
 27 
 
28 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 another occasion. This case has a singular interest. The bird's 
 recognition of the fitness of the occasion showed that he knew 
 what laughter indicated. 
 
 A favorite parrot that had escaped from his cage was seen to 
 fly into a small orchard. The alarmed family repaired immediately 
 to the spot, taking the cage with them, but the bird was nowhere 
 to be seen. For nearly two hours the party searched in vain 
 among those few trees. He could be nowhere else ; the orchard 
 was so isolated, that he could not have left it and gone elsewhere 
 without being observed. In the midst of this search, a neighbor's 
 son, seeing that something unusual was going on, came through the 
 yard, and upon approaching the orchard wall, his eye was attracted 
 by a slight movement in a thick clump of foliage of a tree near the 
 entrance. A closer scouting revealed the parrot ; he saw the green 
 head of the bird peering out at the searchers, and watching them 
 with such absorbing interest that he had not seen or heard the 
 lad, who was then able to observe his movements without his 
 presence being known to the bird. 
 
 The boy was surprised at the evident intention of the bird to 
 conceal himself, but whether from a spirit of mischief or with an 
 ultimate view of escape, he could not determine, so watched his 
 motions with much curiosity, and stood long enough to become 
 satisfied that the parrot was really enjoying his pursuers' perplexity, 
 as he took such an engrossing interest in their movements. When 
 any one approached his hiding-place, he withdrew his head under 
 cover cf the leaves and remained perfectly quiet until the person 
 turned again, when the rascal would crane his neck around to 
 watch the receding form, seemingly with great delight. At length 
 the lad, whose approach had not been observed by either party, 
 called out : " Here he is ! " Without waiting, the bird immediately 
 
The Parrot Family. 
 
 29 
 
 left his cover, stepped out upon the limb screaming, whether with 
 delight or anger none could tell ; it might have been the latter, 
 however, as he stopped to call the boy a " little devil ! " And 
 when the searching party came up and his mistress chid him, he 
 innocently asked : " What 's the matter ? " There was no mis- 
 taking this creature's motives ; the spirit of pure mischief kept him 
 all that time quiet in his hiding-place, and entertained at the 
 annoyance and anxiety he was able to inflict. 
 
 I remember a magnificent cockatoo that graced the door of a 
 bird-fancier many years ago. Over one arm of his perch hung a 
 number of wicker cages in which canary-birds were exposed for 
 sale. It was the cockatoo's wont to creep under these, upon his 
 perch, unseen by the little birds, and utter a scream that brought 
 pedestrians to a stand-still for blocks. They turned and wondered 
 what was the matter, but the splendid bird, only intent upon the 
 little canaries, was indifferent to the effect of his screech upon the 
 public. He would raise his head in front of the cages, with crest 
 erected, to see if the birds were frightened, as they probably were ; 
 but being so closely confined, they had nothing to do but sit still 
 and stare back at him. Nothing daunted, however, he tried it again 
 and again. This was, of course, meant for a joke on the canaries. 
 
 Going into a bird-fancier's shop not long since, my attention 
 was turned to a beautiful specimen of the scarlet macaw, who sat 
 on a perch in the middle of the room in regal splendor, monarch of 
 the place. No sooner did he see that I noticed him, than he pre- 
 sented his right claw, waving it up and down, and said : " How 
 d' ye do ? " Prudence, however, getting the better of politeness 
 with me, I ignored the civility and went on admiring him in such 
 phrase as should have excited a feeling of gratitude, if he had hap- 
 pened to have such a sentiment about him. Gratitude was evi- 
 
3Q 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 dently dormant in his make-up. He thrust his claw still farther 
 toward me, and repeated in a still higher key : " How d' ye do ? " 
 while the shopman stood by smiling. I still paid no attention, 
 however, when the man said : " He wants to shake hands with 
 you." " Yes, I know," said I ; " and I don't think that 's all he 
 wants ! Would he not bite my finger ? " " Well, he might pinch 
 it a little," said he, laughing outright. The macaw immediately 
 uttered a cackling sound which passed for a laugh, and I joined in 
 too. So we three enjoyed a hearty laugh at nobody's expense, 
 like three jolly fellows of one race. It seemed to please the 
 creature as much as though he had succeeded in his rascally trick. 
 What prompted the bird ? 
 
 A plethoric butcher, who ate too much of his own beef and 
 took too little exercise, kept in his shop a very intelligent parrot. 
 One day the master fell dead in his stall. Poll saw it but said 
 nothing. Not knowing what to say, most sensibly he kept' his 
 mouth closed, but the curious bird became an attentive observer of 
 the exciting scene that followed. The solemn silence of the 
 neighboring marketmen, as they raised the body and placed it upon 
 a bench and covered it with a cloth, speaking only when occasion 
 required, and then in a subdued tone ; the violent grief of the poor 
 widow, the broken sobs of other friends, seemed to impress Poll 
 that it was an occurrence too sacred for the curious gaze of the out- 
 side world, or, at least, one so extraordinary as to require a degree 
 of privacy, and he cried out in an authoritative tone : " Put up the 
 shutters ! " This, though in itself a very sensible suggestion, com- 
 ing from such a source, in such a tone, was rather shocking ; and, 
 not knowing what might follow, it was whispered to a near neigh- 
 bor, that the bird had better be removed. While this person was 
 going with the cage through a hall to a beck room, the irrepressible 
 
The Parrot Family. 
 
 3» 
 
 parrot still showed his interest in the occurrence by demanding 
 " What 's all iJiis row about? " Would a child have been more apt ? 
 Could any one, indeed, have proposed any thing more fitting than 
 the first remark ? 
 
 A little daughter of a friend of mine has a very clever parrot, 
 not only a great pet of hers, but also a favorite in the family. 
 Naturally, the bird was not accustomed to neglect. One 
 holiday the little girl had a number of her schoolmates visiting 
 her, and for the time forgot her pet. As the children were 
 playing in the room where Poll's cage was hanging, the bird called 
 out : " Polly wants a cracker! " The little girls, being absorbed 
 in their play, paid no attention to his demand. Seeing this, he 
 repeated : " Polly wants a cracker! " Still no response ; when he 
 repeated it several times in quick succession, then watched the 
 result ; but this only elicited a merry laugh from the giddy children, 
 which seemed to irritate Poll beyond endurance, and he cried in a 
 high tone, but with measured distinctness : " Pol-ly-wants-a- 
 crack-crack-crackcr ! " This brought the young company all to the 
 cage, when the little mistress, seeing nothing there, exclaimed : 
 " Sure enough, Poll is hungry.'' " Sure enough ! " repeated Poll. 
 
 I might go on indefinitely, repeating the sayings and doings of 
 these semi-human birds, or, if I may be allowed the comparison, 
 these feathered monkeys, for they seem to take that position among 
 birds. Among many anecdotes I have selected these few, and for 
 all of the facts that I have not myself witnessed, I have good 
 authority. Do they not prove my claim, that these creatures 
 possess a sense of humor, and also seem to substantiate my 
 theory, that the birds have about the same crude sense of the 
 meaning of words as little children have, and, as far as they go, 
 use them pretty much in the same manner ? 
 
DOMESTIC FOWLS. 
 
 I CAN make out nothing about the finer feelings of fowls. They 
 express so little character outwardly, that whatever emotions 
 they may have, beyond the commonest physical pleasures or pains, 
 are known only to themselves. The peacock shows evident vanity ; 
 the swan shows pride ; and the strutting turkey-gobbler seems to feel 
 a sort of arrogant peevish pride, as if he knew how little he had to 
 build upon, and was in constant fear of provoking contempt rather 
 than respect. Yet his haughty manner may be no indication of 
 such definite feelings. At all events, he is not accused of possess- 
 ing the sense we are looking for, or, indeed, any other. An 
 old goose is always the same — an old goose and nothing more. 
 Nor do chickens show any wits upon which to found an argument. 
 The most visionary theorist can claim little for them, beyond their 
 usefulness to man. 
 
 The pigeon family, at least as we now know it, forms no 
 exception to the rule of dulness. Still I may put in a sort of 
 family claim for them through means of a creature who is a so- 
 journer, at least (by classification), in the ancient House of Pigeons. 
 The reader will please note the phraseology. Not in the pigeon- 
 house or dove-cote ; by the House of Pigeons I mean their line, the 
 large and respectable family of the Columbariae. 
 
 32 
 
THE CASE OF THE DODO. 
 
 THE average man draws his conclusions from certain premises 
 that he is loath to give up. He refuses to accept a new idea 
 or to look at a subject in another light, though he might thereby solve 
 a question which he could never understand from his unyielding 
 standpoint. In his superficial study of the lower animals, he asks 
 few questions. His first inquiry is, What is the creature's utility ? 
 That means, of course, of what advantage is he to man ? Has his 
 pelt, flesh, bones, tallow, mind- or muscle-force any commercial 
 value ? If not, then why was he created ? For what possible 
 reason could the creature have been made ? That the animal is 
 happy, that life to him has charms which make it precious and 
 constrain him to guard it as zealously as man does his own, is of 
 no consequence. He cannot conceive that a creature less than 
 man could have been created simply for himself, and to augment 
 the sum of animal enjoyment. On the other hand, the learned 
 man feels a little piqued that he has not been taken into the Cre- 
 ator's confidence, and entrusted with his secrets, and had explained 
 to him the reasons for his mysterious acts, since he has taken such 
 an ardent interest in his affairs. He feels that his rights have been 
 withheld ; he has pursued these studies so earnestly, searched so 
 diligently, and found out so little ! So, with lofty resentment, he 
 ignores the Creator altogether, and even denies the existence of a 
 Supreme Power, and attributes his works to the action of ever- 
 
 33 
 
THE END OF THE DODO 
 3--V 
 
35 
 
36 
 
 Htimor in Animals. 
 
 existing, self-adjusting laws, that act by force, not reason, and 
 therefore can give no reason. The scientist pursues his studies 
 without reference to an intelligent, great first cause, depending, 
 when he can do no better, upon theory to supply all deficiencies, 
 until something more substantial can be found. One of his most 
 puzzling conundrums, both as to whence and wherefore, is the ex- 
 tinct bird called the dodo. To add to his perplexity, the creature 
 went out of existence some three centuries ago, and thus circum- 
 scribed his opportunities of studying him. He has, nevertheless, 
 been very diligent in his efforts to classify the bird. Beginning 
 with the ostrich, he has carried him, as it were, down the whole 
 line of feathered tribes, trying to fit him in somczvherc , but seemed 
 to find no suitable niche, and each family not only rejected this 
 relationship, but brooded and sulked over the indignity, until, it is 
 said, they finally rose in mass and pecked the poor nondescript 
 off the face of the earth, and that is what became of the unfortunate 
 dodo. The scientific man then prudently dropped the matter for 
 the time, and waited a few centuries for the excitement to die out, 
 when he quietly picked him up again and foisted him upon the 
 pigeons — poor, helpless, unoffending doves ! 
 
 Lyell says that Mr. Strickland agrees with Prof. Reinhardt, and 
 calls the dodo a vulture-like, frugiverous pigeon ! Now, that is a 
 most discreet classification ; it is one in which extremes meet. 
 
 There is a wide difference between the vulture and pigeon. 
 Certainly as wide, generally, as the pigeon can conveniently make 
 it ! Wise Strickland ! wise Reinhardt ! A vulture-like fruit-eater ! 
 What could be more comprehensive ? Of course, the compound- 
 ing of such a vast amount of heterogeneous matter must result in 
 something that could not be expected to resemble either vulture or 
 pigeon in any one particular. That is why, probably, the two 
 birds the least resembling were chosen to describe it. 
 
37 
 
38 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 The scientist has not much farther to go with him, however ; 
 he must stop when he has inflicted him upon the humming-birds. 
 Think of him (the dodo, not the learned pundit) on agile wing, 
 hovering about a honeysuckle ! But even this difficulty of finding 
 out where the uncouth bird belongs, is not the greatest that the 
 scientific man has to contend with. When he existed, for what did 
 he exist ? That s the great question. Certainly he was not for 
 beauty, nor for sweetness ; his odor long survived him upon his 
 native isle. Nor yet for grace, — oh, no ! Nor could he have 
 served for a carrier-pigeon ; that must have been quite out of his 
 line ; if pigeon at all, he certainly was not of that branch of the 
 family. He was not made for swiftness, like the ostrich, with 
 whom he once claimed kinship. Nor yet for a musician ; it is be- 
 lieved he could not have told " Yankee Doodle " from " Old Hun- 
 dred," as ordinarily played, or a village band from a steam calliope. 
 What, then, was the creature invented for ? Undoubtedly, just 
 for fun ! Just look at him ! But for whose fun ? Why, his own, 
 to be sure. No other creature ever had any fun out of him. 
 Therefore, there was a great deal in him. The logic is conclusive ; 
 he must have been full of it. My position is proven. The little- 
 wanted, much-abused dodo was a wag, who had all his fun to 
 himself. 
 
 With the problematic dodo must end my chapter of birds. 
 Few of them seem much available for my purpose ; but could I 
 get nearer to their inner life, I have no doubt that volumes 
 might be written in proof of their claim to a sense of humor. 
 
ELEPHANTINE JOKES. 
 
 THOUGH this is a great subject, I approach it with hesitation, 
 feeling little confidence that I shall be able to handle it 
 very lightly, or to extract much for my purpose from the great 
 mass of material. I have no doubt, however, that if a shrewd ob- 
 server, an earnest, interested student of nature, were constantly 
 associated with one specimen of this solemnly moving monster, 
 he would find him full of that sort of sportiveness classed as 
 humor. Though the elephant often does quaint, ludicrous, and 
 unexpected things, the grim expression of his countenance never 
 changes. How can we know what internal feelings move him ? He 
 may be all alive with merriment inside, while none of the fun 
 permeates his thick skin. The superior intelligence of this 
 creature is undoubted, and it stands to reason that some humor- 
 ous feeling should compose a part, though the evidence is not as 
 conclusive as in many other animals. It has never been quite 
 convenient for me to keep specimens in my house ; and, not 
 having had a veritable elephant on my hands at any time of my 
 life, I am sorry to say that my opportunities for studying his 
 character have been circumscribed. I have given some observa- 
 tion to those great vagrant elephants that are always to be found 
 loafing about zoological gardens and following travelling shows ; 
 but I must depend largely upon well-authenticated anecdotes to 
 sustain my conclusions. 
 
 39 
 
40 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 There is no positive, unmistakable proof that the elephant 
 does any of his many tricks from motives pure of mischief ; 
 other and graver impulses, revenge especially, also move him. 
 There is much evidence, however, that his wantonness, and often 
 his revenges, do partake largely of humor. The oft-told anecdote 
 of the elephant whose trunk was pricked by a tailor, and who 
 punished him by spirting muddy water over him and his work, 
 shows not only retaliation, but a real sense of humor as well, in 
 the nicety with which the redress was gauged. He undoubtedly 
 enjoyed it ; this delicate discrimination shows this. He was 
 evidently a little irritated by the prick, yet he understood the 
 act as it was meant and returned it in kind, for had he been less 
 intelligent and destitute of a sense of humor, he would have been 
 enraged, and that would have been no joke to the tailor ! The 
 freak of an escaped elephant who tried to enter a crockery store 
 too small for him, must also have been prompted by an apprecia- 
 tion of the absurd unfitness of things. 
 
 A story is told of an artist who wanted a sketch of an ele- 
 phant, with trunk raised and mouth open, and got his friend 
 to go with him to the Jardin des Plantes to induce the attitude 
 he wanted, by throwing fruit into the open mouth. With a 
 spirit of economy, or mischief, or perhaps both, the friend some- 
 times made the motion without throwing the fruit. The elephant 
 put up with this several times, much to the gratification of the 
 artist's friend, but not to the final satisfaction of the painter 
 himself. The brute, getting tired of the imposition, filled his 
 trunk with water from a bucket near by ; and then, ignoring 
 the agent as not of sufficient consequence to meet the full re- 
 quirements of his resentment, he turned his battery full upon 
 the artist, as the real offender, with such force as to knock 
 
4i 
 
42 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 him off the stool, and to ruin the sketch. How he came to 
 understand the connection between the two offenders it is diffi- 
 cult to say ; but he somehow knew that the attitude was required 
 for a purpose, and seeing the painter busy upon the paper, he 
 reasoned that there was where the interest of the whole project 
 was centred, and therefore set to work to spoil all. It is too 
 much to suppose that he had any idea of the nature of the work. 
 He had all his life been associated with man, and knew that his 
 purposes were often beyond his ken, but also knew his ways well 
 enough to understand that what he saw him busy about was a 
 matter of interest to him. Considering the great intelligence 
 that prompted the act, does any one believe there was no inward 
 chuckle, no internal enjoyment of the poor artist's discomfiture, 
 and that the deed itself was not in part animated by a desire to 
 see his ridiculous plight ? As in the case of the tailor, a more 
 savage revenge was in his .power, but in that there would have 
 been no fun for anybody. 
 
DOGS AND THEIR FUN. 
 
 DOGS have humor beyond a doubt. That it is not often un- 
 mistakably manifest I will admit ; but sometimes it is well 
 defined, and therefore I need not argue the question, and bring up 
 a great array of uncertain testimony to prove that I may be 
 right. This, however satisfactory to myself, for I have much to 
 sustain it that cannot be put in language, would be insufficient 
 for the reader. In the case of dogs, however, I stand on no such 
 equivocal ground. I have but to tell a few facts that have fallen 
 under my own observation, to establish my claim, yet it is 
 singular — very — that this motive so seldom appears as absolutely 
 the governing one in dog's doings. If some dogs are gifted with 
 humor, all have it to a greater or less degree. There is probably 
 no man entirely without some sense of humor, though some 
 may seem quite devoid of it. On the other hand, there are born 
 wags, — they can't help it ! So with their brute companions. 
 Now and then a dog is gifted in like manner ; while most of the 
 race so mingle various impulses in their sportiveness that the 
 waggery cannot be detected as a positive element. But, fortu- 
 nately for my purpose, there are cases where nothing else will 
 explain their motives. 
 
 In my boyhood days there was left in my charge a remarkably 
 intelligent pointer, well broken for bird-hunting and consequently 
 valuable. But boys care little for this, and no sooner was 
 
 43 
 
44 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 Wallace fairly in my possession than I, with the help of all the 
 boys in the village, set about extending his education to other 
 branches of field sports. Especially did we initiate him into the 
 mysteries of rabbit-hunting, of which he was very fond. But he 
 had no stomach, for woodchucks. He was a nervous, timid 
 creature, and, after the first encounter, where he disgraced 
 himself, he seemed to feel it always afterwards. It became a 
 matter of great amusement with us to find a woodchuck hole and 
 invite Wallace to join the sport. The moment he smelled out 
 the character of the occupant, however, he would turn to us with 
 a most ludicrous, shamed look ; and, smiling an excuse, he would 
 positively decline all farther participation. I say smiling, for he 
 had this power, not uncommon with dogs of his species, as well 
 as with setters, greyhounds, and sometimes spaniels. This smile 
 consists in twisting the nose to one side, and showing the teeth 
 in a pleasant way, which then have an entirely different look 
 from what they have when exposed in anger. The expression is 
 unmistakably that of a smile, and always denotes the same senti- 
 ments of mirth and pleasure as in man. 
 
 One day my companions and myself were crossing a wheat- 
 field after harvest. Wallace was quite a distance ahead, beating 
 about here and there, that vibrating tail in constant motion, 
 smelling in the stubble for rabbit tracks ; and we were watching 
 his movements lest we should not be ready to join the chase the 
 moment he should strike the scent. Suddenly the dog left 
 earth, jumping high in air, — so high that his form, for a 
 moment, was clearly cut against the blue distance. Of course, 
 this unexpected performance was greeted with peals of laughter 
 from his boy companions ; and he had almost grown to be a boy 
 himself, so perfect was the sympathy and understanding between 
 
Dogs and their Fun. 45 
 
 us. Wallace looked foolishly at us for a moment, then shrivelled 
 up his nose and grinned as was his wont upon such occasions, 
 wagging his tail undecidedly all the time — in short, trying to lie 
 out of it by every device at his command, since he was not able 
 to speak. Seeing, however, that he had not yet succeeded, he 
 did not propose to give it up so. Again he began his run as 
 usual, snufhng zealously in the stubble, and presently he bounced 
 up again as before, and then turned to us again to smile com- 
 placently. It was to assure us that the performance was purely 
 for our amusement, and that he was overjoyed at his success. 
 He played this antic several times ; in fact, he overdid it so that 
 we were led to investigate. Going to the scene of the first leap, 
 we found there a large toad ; he had put his nose upon it in the 
 weeds, and this had startled him so that he made that first extra- 
 ordinary jump. Now we laughed at him in ridicule, which he 
 perfectly understood. He looked very silly and tried the trick 
 no more. 
 
 There were many things worth recording in this dog's life 
 that summer, though nothing else that I now remember that 
 bears directly upon our subject. We quite spoiled the dog's 
 training, I suppose ; still, the pleasure to all was worth the price 
 of another trained dog. The unrestrained hunting and free 
 companionship of a lot of wanton boys was a new and joyful 
 experience to the animal ; as for myself, the long happy days of 
 that untrammelled season with the boys and that dog still shines 
 out a bright spot in my retrospect of the past. 
 
 Happy, happiest days ! We were what I read in a great but 
 almost unknown poem : 
 
 " A race of real children ! not too wise, 
 Too learned, or too good ; but wanton, fresh, 
 
46 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 And bandied up and down by love and hate ; 
 
 Not unresentful when self-justified ; 
 
 Fierce, moody, patient, venturous, modest, shy ; 
 
 Mad at our sports like withered leaves in winds. — 
 
 Unfading recollections ! at this hour 
 
 The heart is almost mine with which I felt, 
 
 From some hill-top on sunny afternoons, 
 
 The paper kite, high among fleecy clouds, 
 
 Pull at her rim like an impetuous courser ; 
 
 Or, from the meadows sent on gusty days, 
 
 Beheld her breast the winds, then suddenly 
 
 Dashed headlong, and rejected by the storm. 
 
 At last, 
 
 When all the ground was dark, and twinkling stars 
 Edged the black clouds, home and to bed we went, 
 Feverish with weary joints and beating minds." 
 
 — The Prelude. 
 
 A fine-looking dog, of mixed breed, owned by a friend of 
 mine, was a great wag or practical joker, though the stolid 
 indifference with which he regarded the havoc he sometimes 
 wrought would not seem to indicate the least pleasure on his 
 part. In truth, this acting was overdone, and would certainly 
 have betrayed him, had not the excitement consequent upon his 
 rascally tricks centred all attention upon his victim. Frank 
 was in every way a sly dog ; he never seemed to do any thing 
 openly, never appeared to see or observe any thing that was 
 going on around him, yet his knowledge of facts, when he wanted 
 to use them, proved that nothing escaped his notice. This 
 naturally made him a great favorite with his master, who was 
 himself a lover of fun. He found the traits that he would 
 detest in a fellow-man, cunning and interesting in his dog. 
 Frank had conceived a dangerous fancy for playing upon the 
 
Dogs and their Ftm. 
 
 47 
 
 nervousness of horses, and seemed to know by instinct the most 
 timorous, who were the best for his purpose. He had learned, 
 in some way, that certain horses of a suspicious disposition and 
 high nervous temperament could be made frantic by feeling 
 the unexpected touch of an unseen object upon their heels, — 
 that they would kick with frenzy at the unknown thing, taking 
 whatever object fell within range as the cause of t'he offence, 
 and kicking away while it lasted ! So Frank, when unobserved, 
 or believing himself so, would stand in his master's door, in the 
 most innocent manner, and look up and down the street, quietly 
 selecting a suitable victim. He made his choice among the 
 horses driven in by the farmers and hitched along the sides of 
 the street, as is the custom in smaller towns, while their owners 
 go among the stores to " do their trading." Having made his 
 selection with unerring judgment, Frank would saunter down the 
 sidewalk until nearly opposite the unsuspecting animal, when he 
 would halt, look around idly, as if he hardly knew what he 
 wanted. If happily there were another dog in the street or 
 over the way, Frank would trot out to exchange greetings with 
 him ; but on his return he would invariably take his course to 
 the rear of his intended victim. Then, smelling along the 
 ground, and seemingly by the merest accident in the world, 
 he would touch the sensitive heels with his nose, taking good 
 care, however, that his head should not be in the way of the 
 flying hoofs ; when he would stand near by, scarcely a spectator, 
 so great was his indifference, while dashboard and buggy-front 
 are flying in splinters all over the street, and everybody is too 
 much excited and interested in the strange alarm of the horse to 
 notice a dog standing there, — save those who know him and his 
 tricks / All this the dog did accomplish upon one occasion to my 
 
4 8 
 
 Humor in Animals, 
 
 certain knowledge. He was suspected of being the cause of a 
 disastrous runaway, being seen near the start, but there was no 
 stronger evidence against him. 
 
 A well-to-do farmer, known as Old Markey, lived just on the 
 outskirts of the village. He had turned the management of a 
 splendid farm over to the boys, and occupied himself with fine 
 horses, of which he kept a number for his own special use. One 
 day Old Markey came riding down the main street upon a pran- 
 cing young stallion ; the saddle, bridle, and all trappings were 
 span new, creaking at every motion ; horse and rider seemed in 
 perfect sympathy. The latter, at least, enjoyed the gallant 
 outfit to the utmost, when in an evil moment Frank sighted 
 him. He evidently took in the situation at once. As the horse 
 moved sideways, the progress down the street was not rapid. 
 The heel end of the horse being also towards his master's store, 
 gave the villainous dog ample time and opportunity for his favor- 
 ite trick ; circumstances seemed all to favor him. A wagon, stand- 
 ing just in front, shielded his direct approach, and, undercover of 
 this, he slyly walked as far as it would serve, then emerged far 
 enough to give the magic touch and withdrew. The deed was 
 done, and the giddy heels flew heavenwards, the astonished rider 
 earthwards. But catching upon the creature's neck, there Old 
 Markey hung for a moment, calling lustily for help. The ex- 
 cited animal did not attempt to run, as he had n't time enough 
 for the kicking he wanted to do ; but standing in his fore-tracks, 
 he expressed his feelings with great vigor. When Old Markey 
 was helped down unhurt, and stood soothing the trembling 
 beast, he said he supposed it was a durned bat-fly that did it. 
 But Frank did not escape this time unobserved ; a man, who 
 knew him, was sitting in his buggy a little way up the street, 
 
"CROSS MY PALM WITH SILVER ! " 
 
 49 
 
5o 
 
 Humor in Annuals. 
 
 waiting for his wife to do a little " trading," and noticed Frank's 
 manoeuvre and saw the evident intention. He got out, came 
 down the walk to where the crowd was gathered, and quietly 
 whispered in my friend's ear, that he had better get rid of his 
 funny dog ! My friend had for some time held this opinion him- 
 self, but was uncertain what to do with him. 
 
 Only a few days afterwards I became the unconscious means 
 of ridding him of this dangerously jocose dog, and without any 
 effort on his part. Meeting some young people in his store one 
 afternoon, we were told that there was a camp of gypsies in the 
 woods across the river. I borrowed my friend's horse and car- 
 riage, and taking one of the young ladies, we drove over, and 
 Frank followed. While we were eagerly listening to our fortunes, 
 told by an old hag with a straw bonnet on upside down and hind- 
 side before, the tawny and wrinkled visage looking out from the 
 opening intended for the neck, one of the rascally gypsy-men 
 stole the dog. But when we missed him, and realized the 
 prospect of his making one of their vicious horses kick out 
 his master's brains, we felt that Frank might not have lived 
 in vain. 
 
 Another dog of my acquaintance, also belonging to a friend, 
 was a funny joker too. He was a mongrel of medium size, not 
 too tall nor yet too short, but just about right, in fact, for his 
 own waggish purposes. My friend and I used often to walk 
 together for pleasure, to which Sport (his appropriate name) 
 was no slight addition. We left the more populated part of the 
 town, and went where the roads were grassy and the lots open. 
 The pigs were allowed to run at liberty, and were frequently met 
 with, quietly cropping the grass and grunting their satisfaction. 
 This sight was always regarded by Sport as an opportunity for 
 
Dogs and their Fun. 
 
 5i 
 
 him to justify the choice of his name. He would immediately 
 make for the pig, who, of course, started to run. Sport, running 
 up even with his side, would not attempt to catch him by the 
 near ear, or any such practice of ordinary dogs, as the experienced 
 swine undoubtedly expected. He knew a way of getting more 
 fun out of a pig than that ! When the proper distance was 
 established, and the two animals were just in position, he would 
 thrust his head under the pig's belly, adroitly catch him by the 
 opposite flank, and suddenly come to a stand-still with a brace. 
 This, with the pig's momentum, would, of course, bring him 
 entirely over, and he would, to his great astonishment, land upon 
 his back instead of his feet at the next leap ! Then Sport would 
 let him go, turn to us with wagging tail and head on one side, 
 and give us a whimsical, inquiring look, as much as to ask : 
 " How is that for a joke on the pig ? " 
 
 Within the circle of my canine acquaintance was one Kanuck, 
 also a character. Kanuck was a bull-dog, but the savagery of his 
 nature was tempered by a great love and faithfulness to his 
 master, and, what was most singular for a dog of his race, he 
 had an unusual sense of the ridiculous, and would be at great 
 pains to get a little joke on somebody, even using his own un- 
 favorable appearance for the purpose. Beside terrorizing all the 
 dogs in the neighborhood, save one, a Siberian blood-hound, he 
 found his chief pleasure in frightening passers-by with his ugly 
 looks, without in the least compromising himself. Leaping from 
 the ground to the top of the fence, and from there to the cap of 
 the gate-post, he would sit watching up and down the street for 
 a suitable victim to practise upon — that is, a passenger that ap- 
 peared nervous or timid enough for his purpose. When such a 
 one appeared on the sidewalk, he would seem indifferent to their 
 
52 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 approach, looking anywhere but in their direction, until his 
 intended victim had arrived almost opposite to the post. Then 
 he would drop suddenly down in front and glower at him with 
 his bloodshot eyes and his projecting teeth, and with such 
 ferocity as usually to induce a detour into the gutter. Few had 
 the pluck to face his formidable appearance and brush past him 
 on the narrow sidewalk, though he said nothing or uttered not a 
 threat in any form, more than was apprehended in the look of 
 him. When the passer-by had mustered courage to return to the 
 walk, the rascal would turn to his master, or whoever happened 
 to see the performance, wagging his tail by way of a laugh, — for 
 he was not of a breed that smile with their features, — and showing- 
 every evidence of pleasure at the success of his joke. Unless 
 some one of the family were in the yard or on the porch, he 
 never indulged in the waggery, but would repeat the joke as 
 often as he found victims, while he had an audience. Kanuck 
 died a violent death at last. 
 
KANUCK ON HIS POST. 
 53 
 
CATS. 
 
 WHEN cats were called, there was a commotion in all the 
 area comprising the backyards of the entire square. 
 Voices, half human in tone, arose in every quarter, some in 
 querulous complaint or angry recrimination, some in long- 
 drawn sorrowing wails, followed by a general movement in the 
 direction of the call. A flood of all possible feline colors poured 
 over the intervening walls and fences. Black, white, spotted, 
 yellow, gray, tortoise, and tabby, appeared for a moment, as upon 
 the crests of waves, to go down again and reappear rolling over 
 the next fence-barrier, until, in a moment, ever)' cranny gleamed 
 with eyes of green, and every opening in wall or fence was filled 
 with heads struggling for precedence, all eager to be heard ; and 
 all indeed were heard in one mingled jargon, wild, unintelligible, 
 and to no purpose, so that I shall be obliged to draw my con- 
 clusions mostly from what I have myself observed, and my studies 
 have been almost entirely upon the life and character of one 
 individual cat, with whom I enjoyed very intimate acquaintance, 
 — an interesting and very remarkably intelligent pet of my own. 
 He was known to fame in all the neighborhood round about as 
 Cupid, a most appropriate name, considering his character and 
 personal beauty. His features were symmetrical and classical ; 
 his white coat, set off with gray ears and tail, was soft and fine as 
 ermine. Such was his appearance. But Cupid had claims to 
 
 54 
 
55 
 
56 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 consideration far beyond those of mere physical beauty. Having 
 been taught many accomplishments, he was through them enabled 
 to develop attributes unusual in his kind, which might otherwise 
 have lain dormant to the end of his life. Among other accom- 
 plishments, and perhaps his greatest one, Cupid had been 
 taught to turn a somerset, the performance of which he seemed 
 to regard as the highest reward he could possibly offer for the 
 greatest favor. When I remained from home overnight, he 
 would, the next clay, take his station upon the gate-post, and 
 there spend most of the day, spitting at passing dogs and await- 
 ing my return. When I came, there was no boisterous demon- 
 stration of joy like that of a dog, but he would demurely come 
 down from his perch, and, with tail erect, march in front of me to 
 the door, every now and then turning a somerset as his best 
 expression of pleasure. Cupid had a little vocabulary of his 
 own that I understood, and which he knew I understood. He 
 could say he would n't, or " won t " about as plainly as a wayward 
 child could say it, and very much in the same decided manner, 
 by an abrupt little mew, which he never used but when he wished 
 to refuse to do what he was told to. He had another word, so to 
 speak, consisting of a longer and milder mew, intended for com- 
 pliance, but not always to be depended upon — for Cupid had 
 quite enough deceit in him to justify his name. I would some- 
 times tell him to turn a somerset, when he felt either too lazy 
 or too mischievous, and he would at first say he would n't. I 
 would reply, sternly : " You will." Knowing better all the time, 
 he would perhaps refuse again, then seem to acquiesce, even 
 putting his head down at each command, as if to comply, but all 
 the while he kept working gradually away from me. When, at 
 last, he was safely out of my reach, he would shoot up the stairs 
 
CUPID'S REAL FEELINGS. 
 
 57 
 
58 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 like a rocket, and, turning upon the upper landing, would bestow 
 upon me such a whimsical, facetious look as no physiognomist 
 could mistake. Had he such, a thing as a thumb about him, he 
 would have put it to his nose ; but this was not needed. The 
 expression and the feeling that prompted it were just as apparent 
 and well understood. 
 
 Sometimes Cupid would take a notion that he would like to 
 perform for my amusement in the backyard. In this case he would 
 come to me and ask me to open the door, and going before me, 
 would be profuse in his somersets, keeping a suspicious eye on 
 me all the time. When the door was opened he would stand in 
 the way of its being closed, and look up at me with a cry which 
 I understood as well as though he had said, " Come on." Not 
 being able to close the door without hurting the cat, I would go 
 on ; then, having gained this much, he would utter a little purr 
 of satisfaction and lead the way to the kitchen door, alternately 
 turning somersets and casting suspicious glances back at me. 
 Here he pursued the same tactics as before, until we arrived at 
 the door that opened from the kitchen to the backyard, when 
 his eagerness to begin would sometimes lead him to go out before 
 I had closed the door. Then I would pretend to believe that I 
 had done all that was required of me, and would shut the door 
 with Cupid on one side, myself on the other. Immediately I was 
 made to understand that I was to come out and be entertained. 
 Cupid's scratching and caterwauling on the outside of the door 
 could not be mistaken ; so, of course, there was nothing left but 
 to accept his summons, and to go out and see the performance. 
 This he did his utmost to make extraordinary, every now and 
 then regarding me with a look of inquiry, as if to say, " What do 
 you think of that for agility?" He would generally conclude 
 
Cats. 
 
 59 
 
 the show upon the top of the trellis, when he would mew for me 
 to come near, that he might jump upon my head, and he insisted 
 that I should make his descent easy down my back by stooping 
 to the right inclination. This done, Cupid would graciously let 
 me go. 
 
 Cupid, in his fashion, was an expert retriever, and greatly 
 enjoyed the sport. The object of his chase was a small-sized 
 hickory-nut. I used to carry a supply of these nuts, well chosen 
 as to size (he would not take a large one), always in one particu- 
 lar pocket. At evening, when I was seated, he would come to 
 me, thrust his paw into that pocket and try to extract a nut. 
 Failing in this, after much effort, he would pause, look up at me 
 and mew ; if I still paid no attention, pretending to be absorbed 
 in reading or talk, he would frequently go in search of a nut 
 that he had played with before, bring it to me, raise himself upon 
 his hind feet, place it upon my knee, and then pat my arm. If 
 still unnoticed, he would knock the nut off upon the floor and 
 pounce upon it again with ostentatious effort, bring it back, and 
 try again to direct my attention to it. I don't know that he 
 would ever weary of this thing until he had succeeded, for his 
 perseverance did not seem in the least, to flag before my patience 
 was exhausted, and indeed I had no heart to try him further. 
 
 One evening, as I was about going out to keep an engage- 
 ment, Cupid came to me with a nut. I stepped towards the door 
 and threw the nut ; he divined my intention, and had the nut 
 back to me before I could reach the door. The next throw, how 
 ever, enabled me to retreat in time. The parlor was on the 
 second floor, the door into the back parlor was frequently ajar, 
 as was also the door leading from the back parlor into the hall. 
 My mother called to me that Cupid was coming, and afterwards 
 
6o 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 told me what occurred. When I had closed the door and hurried 
 down the stairs, the cat, after recovering the nut, looked around, 
 and seeing that I had escaped, he seemed nonplussed for a mo- 
 ment ; then, remembering there was another way, he ran and, 
 with a jump, threw his weight against the door ; as he expected, 
 it yielded ; the other was latchless also, and the reasoning crea- 
 ture reached the lower hall with the nut in his mouth just as I 
 was putting on my overcoat. I stopped and played with him, 
 though I was in a hurry, until he was tired ; then, without a 
 word of thanks or apology, Cupid abruptly left me, to be late 
 at my appointment. 
 
 Much has been written, many stories are told to illustrate the 
 sagacity of this favored member of every household. The tales 
 of cats are innumerable. 
 
THE LION'S REPLY. 
 
 WELL, no, I hardly think we are at any time sportive 
 enough to lay claims to humor, if I really understand 
 what constitutes that faculty ; I doubt if I do. At any rate, I 
 don't think any of our tribe would relish what you would call a 
 joke, played upon him ; I fear it would not result, ultimately, in 
 amusement for the joker ! One unfortunate member of our 
 family had been captured for exhibition, when too young to 
 resist, by your race ; and I have been told that he came very 
 near being the victim of a practical joke by a man, rendered 
 reckless by the juice of grapes, the sweat of grain, or something 
 of that sort. He was of that division of your race which you 
 call Irish, and was said, by his friends, to be a rollicking, thought- 
 less fellow, who happened along when this poor captive lay on 
 the floor of his cage asleep. Seeing the end of his tail hanging 
 out between the bars, the bright idea struck this man of the Irish 
 variety, that it would be a ' foin joke to put a bit of a blaze to 
 the brush on the ind of his tail loike ! ' He already had a match 
 lighted for the purpose, when the keeper appeared and put a 
 stop to the dangerous experiment. My relative said to the other 
 animals, that when he understood the extent of the humilia- 
 tion intended for him, he was so enraged that he could hardly 
 keep from rending open his cage, and seeking among men for 
 the miscreant. Think of the mortification he would have suf- 
 
 6,1 
 
62 
 
The Lion s Reply. 63 
 
 fered, and how ridiculous he would have appeared, the end of 
 his tail singed and garnished with unseemly sores in place of 
 that beautiful brush with which nature had decorated it ! So 
 you see how we lions would esteem a joke upon ourselves. As 
 to our practising them upon others, I hardly think any act of 
 ours in connection with other creatures, would be regarded by 
 them in that light. At all events they always seem to take our 
 attentions quite serious-like. Still I don't say we are entirely 
 lacking in taste of that sort. I could just roar to get hold of 
 an unctuous wag now ; I think I could take him all in, and appre- 
 ciate the joke fully." 
 
 Though this superb brute disclaims all feeling of humor, I still 
 think that I have discovered in him a sort of grim sense of the 
 humorous side of life, unrecognized by himself or by the casual 
 observer. The more intelligent keeper or student of animals 
 will now and then detect little gleams of it in many of the lion's 
 acts. But I sfrant that the evidence is not abundant in the case 
 of any of the larger species of the feline race. 
 
THE FACETIOUS BEAR. 
 
 THERE is no doubt about the waggishness of bears, who 
 can even laugh at their own jokes ; not uproariously, as 
 the laughter of those jolly priests the French artists paint so 
 admirably, but they can assume a well-defined expression of mirth. 
 They are as unmistakably jocose as the most incorrigible jester 
 of our own species, and even harsher than his mortal compeer. 
 In either creature, when jocularity gets a hold, it seems to take 
 full possession of him to the complete subjugation of all else. 
 The mind of the joker, whether man or brute, is constantly 
 occupied with the subject, and his license becomes intolerable. 
 It is only when we can consult our own convenience, and go to 
 the place of confinement of. the one who must be kept chained, 
 that we can enjoy his pranks. We can leave him when weary 
 of him, and he cannot pursue us for a practical joke. 
 
 There is a great difference in individuals among bears, as well 
 as among men, in this respect. All bears are more or less 
 addicted to joking ; yet all do not give themselves entirely over 
 to it, making it the main object and study of their lives. 
 
 In my younger days I attended a political mass-meeting which 
 was to last many days. Great preparations had been made for a 
 " mammoth meeting." Steamboats were chartered at different 
 points to convey the eager statesmen and the unselfish patriots to 
 the spot, and, as is usual at such times, all sorts of queer objects 
 
 65 
 
63 
 
The Facetious Bear. 
 
 67 
 
 were brought to attract customers to the numerous refreshment 
 booths. For this purpose a speculative passenger upon a boat 
 that lay in port near mine was taking a half-grown bear or cub. 
 I discovered this animal as I came upon deck early in the 
 morning, and saw him sitting upon the top of the pilot house, 
 where he was chained to keep him out of the way of mischief. 
 Of course I became interested at once, and sat down to watch his 
 movements, knowing well that he was not going to remain seated a 
 great while. And, sure enough, in a moment his owner emerged 
 from the caboose with a large platter of refuse food for Bruin's 
 breakfast, and a short ladder, which he placed in position to ascend 
 to the top of the pilot house. When the bear saw the end of the 
 ladder appear above the roof he became lively at once ; he rose 
 to his feet, stretched his neck out until he could see over far 
 enough to discover his master, and then settled back with an 
 expression of devilish roguery, which pervaded his whole being 
 as he waited for the man's head to come within range of his 
 mischievous paw. Then, with a heavy box on the ear, he sent 
 master, ladder, broken platter, cold victuals, and all, tumbling to 
 the deck ! Looking down upon the ruin he had wrought, which 
 included the prospects of his own breakfast, he turned and 
 capered around his platform in the greatest glee, his ears laid 
 back and his features assuming an actual human expression of 
 laughter. But Bruin's pleasure, though keen, was of short 
 duration ; for the enraged master, getting a stick instead of 
 food, again placed the ladder, and again ascended, taking great 
 care this time to keep his head out of reach of his pet's paws. 
 Bruin got a good cudgelling instead of chicken bones and 
 the like, and he had ample time to digest his food for reflec- 
 tion before he got any breakfast. This was delayed several 
 
6S 
 
6 9 
 
H umor 
 
 in Animals. 
 
 hours to teach him to accept life's blessings promptly, when 
 proffered. 
 
 Naturally, I became interested in this creature, and de- 
 termined to look for him upon the grounds. It was not hard to 
 find him, though the grounds were extensive ; for a bear of his 
 genius was sure to make himself known wherever he was. Seeing 
 a great crowd around a booth, from which came frequent 
 roars of laughter, I mixed with the revellers, and there, sure 
 enough, I found my jolly acquaintance of the morning. A piece 
 of rope had been added to his chain, giving him altogether a run 
 of twenty feet or more. As I came up the cub was sitting 
 demurely by the corner of the booth. I scarcely saw him at 
 first, and a man was enticing a little boy with a stick of candy, 
 bought of the cub's proprietor, to come near and get it. The 
 unwonted kindness made the boy a little suspicious, though he 
 did not know of what, for he did not yet see the bear, only the 
 candy. The temptation proved too much for him, however ; 
 mastering his doubts, he marched up, took the candy, and, with 
 a delighted expression in his face, turned to go. This was the 
 moment of the cub's opportunity. With mouth and eyes wide 
 open, ears laid back, and his head close to the ground to make 
 himself frightful, he sprang out of his corner, striking his paws 
 hard upon the ground on purpose. The poor boy turned a look 
 back ; one glance was enough. He started, with a scream of 
 horror, to run, when the bear, close to his heels, adroitly tripped 
 him ; the poor boy, more terrified than before, rolled, tumbled, 
 and screamed out of the way. The bear did not attempt to hurt 
 him, seeming satisfied with what he had already done. He sat 
 down and watched the boy's frantic performances with every 
 evidence of keen delight, and laughing as he had in the morning 
 
The Facetious Bear. 
 
 71 
 
 when he boxed his master off the ladder. As the boy jumped up 
 and fled from the scene still holding fast to the candy, poor 
 fellow ! the cub returned to his place by the stall, evidently ex- 
 pecting the sport to be renewed. He was not disappointed. 
 New-comers bought more candy, and the supply of boys was 
 kept up by the uproar and laughter. So the rude fun went on 
 until a little colored boy was almost thrown into spasms by his 
 fear. He could not be appeased ; he trembled and sobbed con- 
 vulsively for long after, and described the bear as " the biggest 
 black thing he ever see ! " Then even the practical jokers began 
 to think that the joke had been carried far enough, and all 
 turned their attention to soothing the little darkey. It took a 
 great deal of effort ; much coaxing and mild ridicule were needed 
 to induce the poor little fellow to come near enough to institute 
 a comparison of size. With a look of intense disgust at the jolly 
 little villain, who seemed to take it all in, and stood upon his 
 hind feet at the extreme of his chain, the boy said " he did n't care, 
 it was a bar anyway." But much kindly speech and a pocket 
 full of candy seemed at length to mollify him, and he went his 
 way partly consoled. 
 
THE MONKEY'S SOLILOQUY. 
 
 I SUPPOSE we are regarded by man himself as the nearest 
 of kin to him. Why, then, I wonder, were not all the 
 human attributes, that were to be given to the lower animals at 
 all, bestowed upon us ? It certainly seems strange that such a 
 human power as that of speech should have been conferred upon 
 creatures so far away in physical organization, so totally unlike, 
 and seemingly so illy constructed for its exercise, as those parrots 
 and a few other birds. The parrots are said to be our feathered 
 counterparts. That may be the explanation. They may be 
 chosen to reflect humanity among the birds, as we do among the 
 mammals. In each grand division of animal nature some trait 
 of man's character is perhaps represented in some chosen species, 
 so that man's nature permeates the whole. The choicest of 
 human gifts may have been bestowed upon parrots to compen- 
 sate for their great deficiencies otherwise. 
 
 " Still this explanation is not satisfactory either. It seems 
 too much that the gift of both speech and song should be 
 enjoyed solely by the birds. Why, there is not a living creature 
 below man that can utter a human sound or a melodious note, 
 save birds alone ! Frogs, katydids, and a thousand insects may 
 think they do, but they don't. Now, I confess, when I think of 
 what might have beoi, had we monkeys had these gifts, instead 
 of those unfit creatures with their inflexible lips, or rather teeth 
 
 72 
 
73 
 
74 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 on the outside of their face, my soul is filled with bitterness. 
 Ah ! but it 's a compliment to us after all ; they dare not trust us 
 with any more endowments. Jealousy is the one thing that 
 keeps us back. Had not these gifts been withheld, there would 
 have been no check to our advance. 
 
 " And man himself does not have all that he desires by any 
 means. These same birds can soar far above the earth — a 
 power which he, with all his invention cannot contrive for 
 himself, though I believe he expects to have it conferred upon 
 him in a higher life to succeed this. Pa-haps ! But that 's 
 nothing to us. 
 
 " Come to think of it, that 's not a bad idea of mine, that 
 man's qualities are echoed, as it were, through the whole animal 
 kingdom by certain favored species as delegates. If that be so, 
 I wonder which of the reptiles holds the honor. Serpents ? 
 No, I should rather think the lizards. Though it may be pre- 
 sumption for me to speculate at all upon this point, I don't 
 suppose man would acknowledge a very near kinship to any of 
 them. But I can't help thinking. No wrong in that, I suppose. 
 Insects ? Now, which among the insects could, with any show 
 of reason, claim precedence ? Butterflies, ants, bees, katydids, 
 pinchbugs, tumblebugs, or what ? I can't tell, I am sure ; that 's 
 too much for my philosophy. And there are still the cold- 
 blooded creatures — fishes, clams, etc. — to be considered. 
 
 " And if I could settle all this satisfactorily, it would throw 
 no light upon the question under consideration. Perhaps we 
 have our share of humanity, and are covetous in wanting more. 
 Let us consider. W e have not speech. That s true ; but we 
 can chatter with the best of them. And that 's human, I 'm sure. 
 In our four feet we have four hands as well, — but what of it ? 
 
The Monkey s Soliloqziy. 7 5 
 
 No one denies our capacity to cut up antics. We are by common 
 consent voted the harlequins of animals, and man wants to know 
 if we have humor. As he himself would say : ' We have n't any 
 thing else.' And there it is again, — another important lack ! 
 The jesters of the world, and not a shadow of an expression of 
 mirth can our features assume ! I hear that several species of 
 dogs can smile, and that bears laugh unmistakably. Even this 
 spiteful cat at my feet, squalling and spitting just because I 
 take hold of her tail, they say, can assume a facetious expression 
 when she feels like it, which she evidently does not at the present 
 moment. But we, man's nearest cousins, are denied even that 
 approach to man's expression. 
 
 " We can always provoke laughter in our great kinsfolk. 
 But could we join in the laugh, talk, and sing a jolly song with 
 them, it would be a great comfort to us. Then we monkeys 
 would feel so much more in sympathy with them, and should 
 be encouraged to hurry up our evolution to the point of 
 equality." 
 
THE TWO MONKEYS. 
 
 AN eminent American artist gave me the following bit of his 
 experience with two monkeys he had in his possession 
 while living in Rome. He first bought the larger one and had him 
 for some time, when there came an opportunity to purchase another. 
 Concluding that there must be at least twice as much interest and 
 fun in two monkeys as in one, he hastened to close the bargain. 
 Still he was not without some apprehension as to the reception that 
 the new-comer, being smaller, might receive from the one already 
 installed. When he entered the little anteroom where the old 
 monkey was kept, with the little one in his arms, it was interest- 
 ing to watch the behavior of both. The little one, being a 
 stranger to all, was timid and frightened at every thing, and 
 did n't know what to expect or whom to trust. " Jack," as the 
 larger one was called, was busy at the moment with the mysteries 
 of a knot in a bit of rope he had found. Looking up and seeing 
 the other, he lost interest in the investigation of the knot, and 
 riveted his gaze upon his kinsman. As his master dropped the 
 poor little fellow on the floor, in front of him, he still continued 
 his gaze, evidently not having made up his mind as to how he 
 would take the intrusion. It required time to consider, and all 
 the while he glowered at the stranger, who returned the gaze in 
 anxious suspense. At length he concluded to accept him, and 
 
 reaching out, drew the little one to him, and clasped him in his 
 
 76 
 
THE TWO MONKEYS. 
 
 77 
 
78 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 arms, then turned to his master and the friends who had ac- 
 companied him, chattering threats and denunciations, through 
 them, to all the world, or that portion of it, however large, that 
 should propose enmity or separation to his bosom friend of two 
 minutes' standing. The little one, too, caught the infection and 
 joined his chatter with that of his new friend, which seemed a 
 combined defiance to every foe that would break the bonds then 
 and there established. All this, of course, was very satisfactory 
 to the artist, relieving him of any apprehensions he may have 
 felt. He also found, soon after this happy turn affairs had taken, 
 that his calculation as to the amount of fun in two monkeys 
 rather than one, was more than justified, so far as quantity was 
 concerned. The fun, indeed, was as the square of the number 
 of monkeys ; but most of it was fun to the monkeys alone, 
 while he had all the care and anxiety for his portion. 
 
 One morning the larger one succeeded in breaking his bonds, 
 and with his help the little one was also free. They were scarcely 
 missed before an excited woman came to complain that the mon- 
 keys were in her garden doing all sorts of mischief. The first 
 she knew of their presence they were pelting her with green figs 
 from out her own tree. My friend sent his man after them, 
 but no sooner did the pursuer appear than they retreated over the 
 opposite wall into an adjoining garden, whence came a clamor of 
 protest for the mischief they contrived to do on their way across, 
 and so the journey was continued until the man lost track of them 
 altogether, and was obliged to return and report accordingly. 
 My friend, with mingled feelings of sorrow and relief, gave up 
 his troublesome pets for lost. 
 
 The day wore away, and no monkeys. Just as evening was 
 coming- on, their owner became aware of some commotion across 
 
The Tzvo Monkeys. 
 
 79 
 
 a little court in a window opposite the one at which he was sit- 
 ting, and, looking up, there he saw his runaway pets. Having 
 escaped all penalties of their rascalities through the day, they had 
 returned and chosen this stage for such amusing antics as would 
 conciliate their master and get them off from punishment. Their 
 antics did not, however, seem to win from him any notice suffi- 
 ciently favorable to be trusted. My friend kept a grave expres- 
 sion upon his face all the while, though it was hard ; it was almost 
 beyond his self-control to keep from laughing at their anxious 
 drolleries. Finally the monkeys exhausted their resources, and 
 seemed to be in despair, when suddenly the larger one had an 
 inspiration. He caught the lesser one by the tail and began 
 swinging him in the air like a pendulum. This absurd action, 
 together with the anxious, rueful expression with which they both 
 watched its effect upon their master, proved too much for him, 
 and he burst into a fit of laughter, in which the two relieved 
 creatures joined with a glad chatter, the best they could do for 
 laughter, and peace was restored. 
 
 As with the practical joker, the discomfort or annoyance of 
 others seems to be the monkey's sole idea of fun. I remember 
 some years ago, at Central Park, I used to watch with much 
 interest the performances of a solitary monkey, who, for some 
 reason, had been left alone in a large cage that had been recently 
 occupied by many of his race. In his loneliness, he seemed to 
 be hard put to it for amusement, but he found no little entertain- 
 ment in tantalizing a large leopard whose cage was next to his. 
 A board petition or screen had been inserted between the two 
 cages for greater safely, but a little aperture had been made, 
 probably by the monkeys, by tearing away splinters from a crack 
 or joint between two boards, large enough to afford a partial view 
 
8o 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 from one cage to the other. The leopard spent much of his time 
 in peering through this hole, longing to get hold of the monkey, 
 and the monkey took no small delight in passing before the open- 
 ing, upon a convenient perch. Seemingly unconscious of the 
 leopard's proximity, he would sit there for a long time all absorbed 
 in a pretended search for fleas. First on one leg, then on the 
 other he would hitch nearer and still a little nearer to the parti- 
 tion ; and the excitement of the leopard became terrible ! His 
 eyes gleamed, his underlip quivered, his tail thrashed furiously from 
 side to side, but Jacko was just out of reach. When at length, 
 weary of all this, the leopard retreated a little, the monkey would 
 suddenly leap against the partition and quickly back to his perch, 
 while the disappointed brute bounded about his narrow confines 
 in a transport of rage. Then the monkey would sit upon his 
 perch and chatter with delight. 
 
8i 
 
THE FOX'S VIEWS. 
 
 YOU want to know what? Whether we have humor, 
 eh? Well, I don't want to appear conceited or im- 
 modest, in claiming an attribute that you human creatures, with 
 all your penetration, have failed to discover in our make up. Your 
 chief grounds for doubt is that you have not seen it in us. May 
 I modestly suggest that there are many qualities, even in the most 
 familiar things, that have not yet come within human observation ? 
 Excuse me, but the wisest of your race admit this fact. Therefore, 
 it is not safe to jump at a conclusion, and found a theory upon 
 the absence of evidence. I don't mind saying that we have a great 
 deal of brutal — that is, non-human sort of humor. That admission 
 seems to shock you, and still lower us in your esteem ? Well, 
 why should we care for your opinions ? I am glad that you have 
 asked me the question, however, for, though I know well enough 
 your estimate of us, I rejoice at an opportunity of telling you 
 what we think of you. I am aware that this will not concern you 
 much, only I shall call your attention to some facts that you 
 never seem to bestow any thought upon, or if you do, it 's only 
 to pettifog the case with your conscience, and to persuade your- 
 selves against your smothered convictions, that hunting us is 
 right. The pleasures of the chase are enjoyed exclusively by 
 you, you think? No; they are shared by almost every living 
 thing. But with the lower animals, except those trained by your 
 
 82 
 
The Fox s Views. 
 
 83 
 
 example, it is the business of life. Is that what brutalizes it? 
 When the blood of the victim is the reward of success, the pur- 
 suit is brutal ? You would reject such a reward with scorn or 
 disgust, simply because it is distasteful to you. The recompense 
 of your success is the tail of your victim — the 'brush,' as you 
 term it. This is the difference between the refinements of the 
 chase and the depredations of the fox. Still, the hounds and the 
 horses are necessary to you, and they enjoy the sport with as 
 keen a zest as yourselves. But you direct the sport : that you 
 are the master, ennobles the pastime. The brush belongs to the 
 first in at the death. You thrust it under the band of your fool- 
 ish little hunting-cap, and ride proudly back to feel the swelling 
 heart of a conquering hero. You enjoy the admiration of the 
 females of your race who hail your return with honors and loud 
 acclaim, arrogating all the credit to yourselves, which mostly 
 belongs to the horse you ride. 
 
 " But now to return to my claim of a non-human sort of humor. 
 When you miss your fox, and he succeeds in getting away with 
 his own tail, having, by his cunning, outwitted you all, and cir- 
 cumvented the combined intelligence of a troop of human hunts- 
 men, the sagacity of a pack of hounds, and the speed of all their 
 horses, what does he do ? He gains his stronghold high upon 
 the cliff, and looks down upon the rage of baffled hounds, and 
 the rueful expressions on the countenances of the foolish hunt- 
 ers. Do you suppose he does not then, at least, fully appreciate 
 and enjoy the humor of the situation ? Don't deceive your- 
 self ! " 
 
A RAT'S POINT OF VIEW. 
 
 WHY, of course. Though we insist upon being neigh- 
 borly, it does not imply that kind of intimate acquaint- 
 ance that would give you an accurate knowledge of our private 
 character. You could n't follow us into our haunts to study our 
 customs and habits. You must therefore content yourselves 
 with coniecture founded upon such facts as you can glean from 
 casual observation. Such of our traits as you know do not bear 
 upon the subject. You hear the noise we make in the walls of 
 your old mansions ; you wonder what it 's all about, and are 
 annoyed at it, and you conclude, naturally, that we are indifferent 
 to your feelings, which is quite true. The hubbub we make is 
 entirely our own affair ; it is for our own fun, or other purposes, 
 without the slightest reference to your wishes. We are likewise 
 just as indifferent to your opinions of us or your estimate of our 
 mental capacity. You have found us wise enough, as a general 
 thing, to elude your devices for our capture, including the 
 cunningly devised traps that don't look at all like traps, but still 
 would hold us fast enough were we unwary enough to w r alk into 
 them. With all your contrivances for our extermination as a 
 race, we still live, and live just where we please. In your house, 
 if we prefer, or if the barn offers greater attractions we retire to 
 the barn or stable ; we subsist by your involuntary bounty ; we 
 help ourselves at will from such of your supplies as we can reach, 
 
 85 
 
86 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 without so much as by your leave ! And we can generally con- 
 trive to reach most any provisions we particularly desire. 
 
 " All this you know, but little or nothing of our pastimes, 
 fun, or frolic. We have our own pleasures, of course, and it is 
 most likely that a little of the element of mischief enters in. I 
 will not say any thing more than that for publication at present. 
 Jump at any conclusion you please ; you will get no clue from 
 me ; we are indifferent to you. Your houses are very convenient 
 for us, but though we dine at the same table with you, as it 
 were, we feel no attachment for your kind." 
 
THE ASS SPEAKS. 
 
 87 
 
THE SPEECH OF THE ASS. 
 
 BRETHREN ! I say brethren, with entire confidence that 
 I appeal to no others, for well do I know that none other 
 than a true brother would give ear to my utterances ; and our 
 family connections have grown so large, that I can safely count 
 upon a great portion of almost any audience being composed of 
 its members. But in any case I am justified, for are we not all 
 of one stock, all in one line of progression, in different degrees, 
 to be sure, but all tending to the highest development ? Natu- 
 ralists have adopted a system of classification founded upon a 
 dental basis, which applies to all mammals, save ourselves. We 
 form a unique exception. In our case the popular verdict has 
 thrown the dental system in the teeth of science, so to speak, 
 and insists that the voice, or the peculiar use made of it, shall 
 determine the status of a claimant to membership in our family. 
 We therefore have the distinction of being the founders of a 
 large and (at least in numbers) respectable class. In fact, when 
 the popular clamor arose for voice-classification, the increase to 
 our numbers was very great, being, as a rule, we were unified 
 mainly by our speech. The united order of asses have been 
 able to drown all opposition, and to force their way to positions 
 they could never have attained except for the noise they made. 
 
 " I have said that voice alone is not necessarily a distin- 
 guishing mark. There are conditions accompanying the voice 
 
 83 
 
The Speech of the Ass. 
 
 89 
 
 necessary to establish its owner's claim to be classed with 
 the real asses / Bulls bellow in anger, and all who hear 
 understand the meaning. Lions roar, and every trembling 
 creature heeds the warning and flies to cover ! But your true ass 
 brays on forever, without significance, cause, or reason, and this 
 is just what makes the difference. The unnecessary, uncalled- 
 for, unmeaning exercise of the loud voice stamps the ass at 
 once ! 
 
 " But I arose to speak upon the subject of this work, the humor 
 of animals. Each creature, so far as he has been heard from, 
 when called upon, has either claimed its possession for his 
 species, or acknowledged the lack and explained the reasons 
 therefore. But owing to our phenomenal position in the animal 
 kingdom, in order to make myself fully understood, I felt it 
 necessary to show that aside from this one distinguishing mark, 
 which makes us all akin, there ma}' exist, and do exist, great 
 differences between different branches of our family. So when I 
 lay claim — emphatically — to the attribute for us donkeys of the 
 original stock, I cannot include the much larger number of those 
 who are classed with us. Asses by adoption may or may not 
 have the sense of humor. I do not know about it, I am sure. I 
 can only say that I have never discovered that faculty, or any 
 other, particularly, in them. So I will simply make the claim 
 for our own branch, and leave the proof to such anecdotes as 
 may follow." 
 
DONKEYS' DOINGS. 
 
 DONKEYS certainly have the sense of humor to a great 
 degree. They by no means deserve the reputation of 
 being a stupid animal. The ass, so far as I have been able to 
 ascertain, has the brightest intellect of all the group with which 
 his physical organization allies him. He has much character. 
 When crossed with the horse, his progeny, the mule, stands by 
 himself (often on his forelegs gesticulating with his hind), as a 
 noticeable individual. His characteristics are quite distinct from 
 either parent, but he ranks far above the horse in point of 
 brains, and is perhaps equal to the ass, from whom he derives 
 his mental powers. Many years ago a number of American 
 artists — Gifford, Whittredcre, Bierstadt, two or three others, and 
 myself — started on a jaunt over the mountains in the vicinity 
 of Rome. Arriving at a little town in the evening, we engaged 
 the requisite number of donkeys to be ready early in the 
 morning. I selected mine from a sort of sympathy between 
 us ; I looked at him, he looked at me, and we liked each other. 
 I fancied his expression ; he regarded me so knowingly on 
 my tour of inspection. I decided upon him at once, thinking 
 that there was something in him, — and there was / He seemed 
 to appreciate the compliment, and took kindly to me. 
 
 He was not long in justifying my conclusions. We had 
 supper, and retired early to be ready at break of day for the 
 
 QO 
 
Donkeys Doings. 
 
 91 
 
 start. But owing to a little pleasantry on the part of my chosen 
 steed, we lost considerable valuable time. We were awakened 
 before the hour by a great commotion in the square below, and 
 upon going to the window, we looked down upon an exciting 
 scene. Our entire troop of donkeys was loose, dashing about in 
 the wildest, unrestrained manner, my donkey at the head of the 
 charge, while seemingly all the idle inhabitants of the do-nothing 
 little town were there to help secure the animals again. In the 
 midst of the hubbub my enterprising beast was the most active 
 of the herd. Coursing here and there, everywhere ; biting, kick- 
 ing, and striking in all directions ; reaching out with his heels 
 toward each retreating group, — on he went in defiance of all 
 efforts to corral him and his companions. As I looked, I was 
 proud of my beast, and called my companions' attention to his 
 superiority. They did not seem to envy me ! But there must 
 be an end to all things, and the most obdurate lot of donkeys in 
 the world may be mastered by superior numbers. So when we 
 went out from breakfast, we found that peace had been restored 
 and the wayward creatures again secured, and very thoroughly 
 too, to judge from the amount of small fees we were required to 
 pay to each who claimed to have helped. The animals had still 
 to be fed, as the time allotted for that had been occupied in 
 the frolic. There was finally an end to their feeding, however, 
 as well as to their spree, and the start was made. 
 
 W hen I came to mount my beast I observed that his rein was 
 a stout rope. I was at first inclined to demur, but half guessing 
 the reason, I mounted in silence and took my place in the line, 
 happening to ride just behind Gifford. The path over the 
 mountain was narrow and deeply worn, so that we were obliged 
 to go in single file. We had not travelled many miles before 
 
92 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 I was convinced of the justice of my surmise as to the rope. 
 The beast I bestrode had an amount of character that exceeded 
 even my most enthusiastic desires. My hands were actually 
 blistered in a constant effort to restrain the mischief-loving 
 creature from biting the heels of Gifford's little brown charger, 
 who lost all patience with this continued annoyance, and stopped 
 stock-still, turned his head, and gave my brute such a look as set 
 the company in a roar of laughter, and would have brought a 
 blush of shame to any cheek but that of a hardened donkey. The 
 only effect visible upon him, however, was the prudence that in- 
 duced him to stop also and stand at a safe distance. Gifford's 
 poor persecuted brute had already expended much of his strength 
 in fruitless kicking at this wary beast of mine, who always man- 
 aged to turn in time to avoid the angry heels. They never hit 
 but once, and that time they hit my shin, which ached for days 
 afterwards. When we finally reached the top of the mountain 
 and stopped for rest and refreshments at the monastery, then I 
 found that my mount, by his constant reaching forward, and dod- 
 ging back, had worked the saddle so near the rump that in a few 
 rods farther I should have been off, saddle and all. When we 
 prepared to continue the journey, the much-abused donkey that 
 Gifford rode flatly refused to travel at cither end next to mine, 
 and one of our company who had a less experienced ass suffered 
 the imposition. His trials were not so great, however, as his 
 predecessor's, the descent being less favorable for my donkey's 
 pranks than the climb had been. 
 
 From a certain incident, I should judge that the donkey has 
 a taste for, and appreciation of, refined and intellectual society. 
 The little daughter of an eminent statesman was looking out of 
 a back window of their country-seat, when her eye fell upon the 
 
Donkeys Doings. 93 
 
 donkey standing quietly in the yard, and wearing that indescriba- 
 ble expression, common to their race, which seems made up of 
 conscious worth, dejection, and philosophical resignation. Her 
 tender heart went out in pity for the sad creature, as she cried : 
 " Poor Jacko, he is so lonesome ! but papa will come home in a 
 day or two, then he will be all right ! " 
 
THE CAMEL'S CLAIM. 
 
 HUMOR ? O yes ! once — ages and ages ago — when we 
 roved free and wild over the desert, we cultivated 
 drollery, had heaps of it — humps-full. We carried it upon our 
 backs, on our long jaunts over the desert waste. There are still 
 waste places — long, dreary wastes — moral deserts, with sands as 
 dry as any, where humor is needed, but since our race went out of 
 the business, that sort of commerce has been given up. In fact, 
 the commodity itself does not seem to be in so great demand as it 
 once was ; the supply appears to have given out in a great measure, 
 and what there is now, seems to be rather the ' tailings,' if I may 
 use that expression, of the abundant flow of former times. Yes, 
 both supply and demand have dwindled, and the dry, unproductive 
 sands of knowledge have drifted over many an oasis of sweet 
 poetic verdure. I do not mean to disparage learning when I speak 
 of its ' unproductive sands.' O dear, no ! what does a poor beast 
 of burden know about it ? I merely want to say that it is unpro- 
 ductive of happiness, as we understand it, and it must be confessed 
 that its dust does blind, or, at least, disqualify the eye for seeing 
 the little simple pleasures that once gave great delight." 
 
 94 
 
THE CAMELS' PLEA. 
 
 95 
 
THE SEAL. 
 
 UR seals, by their sarcastic invitation to come and share the 
 
 V_y cold comforts of their home with them, to study their 
 habits, manners, etc., would seem to intimate that we can know 
 little of their characteristics or mental qualities. We have, how- 
 ever, many opportunities of knowing some, if not of studying all, 
 their traits of character, independent of a sojourn in their icy abode. 
 Individuals are frequently captured and brought to us, and are 
 among the most intelligent of all animals. Besides this, we are 
 justified in concluding, from what their education brings out in their 
 domestic state, that they are jolly fellows. A number of years ago 
 a small seal with unusual attainments and natural gifts, was kept as 
 an attractive feature of the varied exhibitions at the " Aquarium." 
 His daily obligation was to exhibit to the admiring multitude 
 his many accomplishments in the way of pistol shooting, etc. 
 To be sure, he had not yet attained to any degree of proficiency in 
 marksmanship above that of the unhurt duellist, or holiday sports- 
 man, though he had mastered the preliminary of pulling the trigger 
 without trepidation, which is more than I may say of the many 
 above mentioned. Music, however, was his forte. Why, he could, 
 with one flipper, play the hand-organ with as much delicacy and 
 correctness as any ordinary professional ! Of course, a seal of such 
 drawing powers was a great favorite, and was allowed many 
 privileges, and indulged in whims, which would have been frowned 
 
97 
 
9 3 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 down in a less-gifted animal, to while away the tedium of his un- 
 employed hours. At such times he occupied a large tank, made 
 for his special use, in the centre of the great room. Around this 
 tank was a wooden guard about three feet high, and broad enough 
 on the top to form a convenient seat for those visitors in the 
 vicinity, while some rare animal or monstrosity was being displayed 
 about the enclosure. Occasionally some careless fellow would 
 allow the skirts of his coat to fall over on the inside of this barrier, 
 while he was intent upon the sights around him. This was the 
 opportunity of our friend, the cultivated seal. He would glide noise- 
 lessly through the water to the spot, and there, without attracting 
 attention, endeavor to reach the trailing garment. In two or three 
 instances he succeeded in doing this, and pulled the astonished 
 wearer into the water of the tank ; when he would dart about the 
 basin in the greatest apparent glee, now and then stopping to raise 
 his sleek head above the surface to look around, and, with those 
 great human eyes, blink at the delighted audience, then down again 
 to continue his gambols ! 
 
THE HIPPOPOTAMUS. 
 
 OURS is probably the most ancient family of living quadru- 
 peds ; I mean, of course, mammals ; about those reptiles 
 I don't know any thing. They may have existed since the 
 foundation, for aught I know. I can best explain our lack of the 
 element you seek, by telling you briefly the traditions of the 
 family. We only have so much of humor as comes into the com- 
 position of other qualities, such as playfulness, etc., but not the 
 attribute pure and simple, I acknowledge frankly, — but that is 
 no fault of our own. In the beginning, when the first representa- 
 tives of our family found themselves a living reality, they foresaw 
 the long line that would continue so far down the current of time, 
 while hundreds of other races should spring up, flourish their 
 allotted time, dwindle, and die out. They saw the necessity of 
 a character strong enough to last them, and to assure our standing 
 down to the remotest period of our stay upon earth. So, of 
 course, with what foresight we had, we immediately set about 
 providing ourselves with all possible qualities we could grasp, 
 to be handed down. We first secured beauty of person, which 
 may have suffered some by the lapse of ages, as beauty will. We 
 forgot to include hair in our composition, so we were obliged to 
 substitute for covering, a thick steel-gray rind, which gradually 
 merges into a beautiful pink towards the underpart of the body ; 
 that greatly enhances our beauty and, in fact, has been the princi- 
 
 IOO 
 
The Hippopotamus. 101 
 
 pal factor in preserving it so long. In short, the hrst parents of 
 our family took every thing they could lay their paws upon, for, 
 you must remember, it was for their posterity they were acting, 
 and their responsibility was great. Nevertheless, when the father 
 of our race came to grasp humor, as a pleasing quality and one 
 conducive of great happiness to its possessor, the powers having 
 the matter in charge said he was a great pig, and denied him that 
 much-coveted attribute. Our position, however, was then and 
 there well established. Representatives of our race are to be 
 found in every walk of life, and in abundant numbers." 
 
THE TORTOISE HAS HIS SAY. 
 
 " T DON'T know, I 'm sure ! I don't think I understand what 
 A the thing is. If, however, it 's an animal trait, I suppose we 
 have it somewhere way down in the depths of our nature, all 
 secure, probably for future use. But many a shell will have to be 
 lifted by the slow process of time, before we arrive at any of those 
 finer traits of character. You see we are pretty well back in the 
 line of development, and are only now enjoying its lower attributes. 
 But some day, I am assured, we shall come to the full use of all the 
 higher qualities of the mind that any creature possesses, or that 
 belongs to animal nature. 
 
 " But if by humor you mean jokes and that sort of thing, there 
 is not as yet any of that element in the compound of our nature. 
 Still we are often made the medium, or means, of the foolishness 
 being perpetuated. We are not yet fleet of foot, and if, during our 
 peregrinations, a wanton boy catches sight of us, we are at his 
 mercy, except so far as the shell that covers us affords protection. 
 I must say for their credit, however, that boys do not often show 
 any desire to do us bodily harm, farther than a little disfigurement. 
 It has grown to be a custom, handed down for generations, among 
 boys, to carve upon the back of a turtle a date a hundred years 
 old or more, adding George Washington's initials to the inscription. 
 This done, we are left to continue our walk without farther molesta- 
 tion, and with the respect added due to age and dignity. It matters 
 
 102 
 
103 
 
104 
 
io6 
 
 Humor in Animals. 
 
 nothing to the boy that we may have been hatched no more than 
 a year or two before, nor does this fact seem of much consequence 
 to the discoverer, who is sure to come next upon our tracks the 
 next season. He picks us up carefully, studies our backs, turns us 
 over, makes a minute inspection from every point of view, and 
 reverendy puts us down again, with permission to move on at our 
 will. Then he goes his way to write an accurate account of the 
 find to that enterprising journal The Promulgator. He tells 
 how the observing Wiseman, ever on the alert for any key to 
 nature's mysteries, was walking in the fields when he saw what at 
 first seemed to be a moving clod of earth or mossy stone. " On 
 approaching the strange object, he found it to be a very old turtle, 
 slowly plodding on, with joints stiffened by age, and shell jagged 
 and scored by the rough usage of more, than a hundred years, as 
 evidenced by the date, half obliterated, of 1775, still faintly legible, 
 and by some indistinct patriotic motto or sentiment, in which the 
 word country is just discernible [this is, of course, the Wiseman's 
 fancy]. And it is signed with the honored initials of G. W., still as 
 distinct as if engraven upon the heart of patriotic America." 
 
 In a column, devoted to strange facts and remarkable incidents, 
 of The Promulgator, the above appeared, together with accounts 01 
 sea-serpents, reported by ship-captains who would scorn fabrications ; 
 of wild men clad with a thick coat of long dark hair, probably the 
 result of long exposure ; and of newly invented perpetual motions, 
 with perhaps a flying-machine just being completed and constructed 
 upon principles that cannot fail of success. 
 
 How much of his valuable time the father of his country must 
 have given to the task of keeping this important date, 1775, fresh 
 in the memory of coming generations, by carving it upon the backs 
 of tortoises and sending it crawling down through succeeding 
 ages ! 
 
ioS 
 
The End. 109 
 
 Here must end my study of the humor of animals. 
 
 If in this little work I have used some fanciful arguments, on 
 the other hand, I have presented only such facts as would furnish 
 positive or reasonably presumptive evidence of the truth of my 
 theory, that a sense of humor is largely, if not universally, possessed 
 by brute creatures. Had my theme been almost any other attribute 
 of animals, the field would have been vastly wider. But as the 
 reader might expect something more amusing from the title 
 than bare facts or logical conjecture would justify, I have en- 
 deavored to select such creatures as would afford the best oppor- 
 tunity for expression, character, and variety in illustration, and 
 have allowed each one to speak for himself, as if in reply to direct 
 inquiry, assisting his remarks with such illustrations as they 
 suggested. I trust my work will be appreciated, at least by their 
 descendants, when evolution has brought them on to an under- 
 standing of my efforts in their behalf. 
 
 MS 
 
mo 
 
 THE GETTY CENTER 
 LIBRARY