Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2015 https://archive.org/details/ourpeoplesketcheOOkeen O TT JT^ ii. (J i-i 111 . -T^ L JTX XI 1 c O TT P? ST 11, (J Ir 11, . O T T R W U t\ 1 — ^ TT" D T IT* ■H?;-* {=:♦•• xii lilt; w(ju.iitiy. O TT R 1 — • TT O D T XT i li <^ J_i ti . T" r> PI "^z <^ 1 1 i n n X 1 dVC/iJ.lilLJ. O TT R T-^ tr o D T C X H. JL. ti . • X L KJ k C J J I \J L± Ok. 1 • O TT R T-^ O P T .*>:h)h=5' - O f t i p i a 1 O TT R "P ■CT O R T X Hi W L i— . Hi. T n t }i p A r rn v X ± X 1/ X X V_v XX.X XXX Vi O 11 R TT O P> T P Art anrf Artists iX X 1/ X X K>*. X X. X V J. U • O TI R PORT F Vo 1 11 nteers O TI R People At Business. O TT R "P O P T F Do m e s t i e s O TT R t7 o "P r w ••>5=:-*-:=5h.. WorkincT Polk ▼ T Vi./ X XXX X. \^ X • Our People. In Ireland. Our People. In Scotland. &c. T ~— >i— S — o^^^^o — FACE PAGE 1 PAGE PAGE A^ustment 25 Bon Voyage ! . j 00, 152 Concert, the Morning 07 Tli^tinrf inn o 5' A Fortiori .... 1 10 Boon Companions . 96 Conclusive . . . . Districting' 47 Alarming .... 44 Boxing-Day . . . . Confederate, a Treacherous 23 jjioLii^u vioxiur, J ritiis oi a 127 Alma Mater . Boys, those Dreadful 80 Confession . . . . '34 3 Angling Extraordinary 81 Breaking the Ice . 24, in Confusion 18 TllifT7 onrl T51 ai en uuiy duil rieasure 69 Answer, a Soft . . 22 Brie a Brae • Confidence, in 08 Anything for a Change 118 Brother Brush 8 < 04 Connoisseur, the 16 fidiic^tioii ! • . 2 J, lOI Appeal, a Final . . 37 Brushing Pa's New Hat ■36 Connoisseurs, the ■ . . 60 5° Appearances 118 Business ! .... 60 Conscience, a Guilty . Id. rlllf'finT'^irrTn/r ! XlilLUUld^illg I • . QO, '45 Arbiter Elegantiarum . . 35 „ a Stroke of. '35 Conscience Clause, the . . lOl JUlJ^Uad bU IrLlC Oi liUabiUIl 74 Arcadian Amenities . 56 Bus-Measure 147 Considerate .... ^ 2 J 25 Archery Meeting, the ■ . 76 Bv thp Rar.l . 4' Convalescent, the . 74 Excuse, a Perfect 107 Architecture (Irish) . 123 Cool Card, a . . . 97 Exempli Gratia 102 Argumentum ad Hominem 2 1 Candid .... Cricket 2 X Extenuating" Circumstances 7° Artful— Very! 57 Canny ■ - ■ 68, 122 Criticism, Considerate 109 Extortion .... '3° Artist, Our .... 54 Casual Acquaintance, a 43 ,, Legitimate ■ ■ 127 Art-School Conversazione, Catechism under Difiiculties 78 Culture for the Working 107 Our 119 Cavalry Criticism . . . 142 Classes . . . •+>> Failing, a Little • 60 As Well as can be Expected 46 Chaff 31 Cure, a Perfect . 45 149 Awkward! 75, 108 Change for the Better, a • 118 amiliarity breeds Con- Character a Satisfactory Customer, Bad 2 empt . . ». . 124 Badinage .... 146 Chronology . ■ . . 147 Family Man, a . . '5 Bagpipes and Classical Music J Circumlocutory ! 43 83 Family Pride I Banting in the Yeomanry '55 Civil Servants, H.M., What Decimals on Deck 13 Family Ties . ... 8 Bargain, Driving a . . 132 they have to Endure ■ 117 Definition, a . 70 Feather, the last (Co-oper- Barometrical 14 Civil Service Miseries 49 Degenerate S6n, a 25 ative) .... '^5 Beard Movement, the • . io5 Club Law 94 Delicacy . 40 Fiat Experimentum . . '53 Beauty, a Thing of ■ 126 Colloquial Equivalents 65 Delicately Put 73 Fine Art . . '45 109 Benediction ! a 133 Commissariat, the . . . 69 Depression 8S Finishing Touch, the . . Bereaved .... 96 Comparisons 73 Desperate Case ! . -25, 100 Fish, a Big . 56 Between two Shoeblacks Compliment, a . . 47 Dignity ■ . i, 102 Fishing, an Evening's (be- we fall, &c. . 1 20 Complimentary . 39 Dilemma, a . 20, 91, 1,38 hind the Distillery at Bird Show, the . 5 Compliments of the Season Dinners, Little, How we Sligo) .... 121 Birthday Dinner-Party, 82, 85, i3» arrange our . . 58 Flattering .... 72 Mrs. Frummage's '34 Compliments of the (Sketch- Disaffection ! . . . 125 Plunkeianum . '37 7 Blank Firing . '55 ing) Season . . 84 Dish, a New .... 53 For Better for Worse PAGE Game (a) Two can Play at 13 Knowledge, Pursuit of ■ . 95 Gamut, the 141 Garrison Instruction ■ 142 Labour, Division of • 38 Grandiloquence 77 Lapsus Linguae . . 76 Gratitude 93 Last Word, the • 9' Grey Mare, the 58 Le Jeu ne vaut pas la Gentility in Greens ■ 9 Chandelle ■ ■ 28 Geology .... 96 Lessons in the Vacation 138 Golden Age Restored, the 63 Let Well atone ! • 28 Levelling Up . ■ • 77 Habit, Force of 5° Liberal to a Fault 48 „ a Luxurious ■ 63 Like her Impudence ■ 140 Ha! Ha! the Wooin' o' it 150 Lingua East Anglia . . 62 Happy Thought . . 82 Little and Good . '35 Hard Lines • 35 Look before you Leap 27 Hardship, a ■ 140 Lucid! . . . . 26 Hard-up on a Wet Day 99 Lucus a Non, 8tc. ■ 88 Harp in the Air, the 1 22 Luxury, Seasonable 22 Heresy .... • 42 He thought he was Safe 108 Making Things Pleasant . 81 Hibernian Veracity 1 1 1 Mai Apropos .... 18 High Life below b rs! ■ 94 Manners ! ■ 116 Hoist with his own Pon. 47 MancBuvres, Our .19 . 59 Hunting Appointments 89 March of Refinement • 2 Hunting Idiot • 54 Master of the Sitnation ? ! 116 Hygiene . 108 Matter! 37 Hyperbole 88 Meat Supply, the 66 Menace 126 Ignorance, Crass • . 10 Men were Deceivers ever • 49 Ira-pertinent • • 1 20 Mens Conscia I Incidit in Scyllam, &c. • "7 Mercies, Small, (not) Incombinable Elements 99 Thankful for . 39 Ingenuas Didicisse, &c. • 36 Military Manoeuvres, 19 Ingenuity, Irish 1 2 Mind and Matter 79 In the Long Run '5' Mine of Speculation, a 2 1 Initiative, Obvious ■ ■32 Misnomer, a . 128 Inspection, Our • 89 Mistakes will Happen 136 Intelligent! . 129 Mistletoe Bough, Oh the . 42 In Vino Memoria • 78 Model, an Irish . . '33 lo Bicche! 60 More than one for his Nob 137 Irish Grievances, Real 88 M.P., a Pledged . 4 Irreverent '53 Music in the Midlands 106 Irrevocable . 55 Music of the Future— Sen Is it Pos-sible ? ! . • 3' sation Opera 94 It's an 111 Wind, &c. . 90 Mystery solved, the • ■ 3 It 's the Pace that K 141 Mystification 7' Jeopardy, in . 41 Nae that Fou ! 110 Just in Time • 17 Karcotic, a • . . IS PACE PAGE Natural Advantages . ■ "3 Prevention's better than Nature and Art "3 Cure ..... 8 Never say ' Die ' . ■ . 36 Profanation. 80 Nimble Ninepence, the 129 Proof Positive . . 32 No accounting for Taste ■ 64 Prospect, a Pleasant • 67, 85 Noblesse oblige ! '°5 Prospect, a Nice . . . 95 No Mistake, this Time 27 Provinces, Something from No such Luck . . • 30 the . . . . '55 Not Proven- 121 Prudence, Common . . 6 Not so Fast ! • 154 Pulpit-Critics, Stem . 68 Not to put too fine a Point on it . 36 Qualifications . 33 Quantity, not Quality 148 Obliging 71 Quite another Thing . • 1 1 1 Off! ... . 38 Quite Superfluous 'OS Offender, an Old . 55 Ofi"er, a Fair 1 1 1 Rices not yet Extinct ■ ■ 20 Officer (an) and a Gentle- Rather too Literal '52 man! . . . . '43 Ready ! 83 Once for All 92 Reason in Woman 149 On the Pace of it . '3' Reassuring • 67, 112 Order, an Extensive ■ 3° Rsddctio ad Absurdum 86 Ornaments for your Fire- Refrigerated Tourists 2 Stoves? . . . . 131 Rsfusil, a Rash • . 73 Register ! Register ! 1 20 Panic in the Kitchen, a . 32 Relapse .... 97 Parthian Shaft, a "5 Reminiscences • 46 Particular! . • 34i 90 Reproof, Proper . ■ '35 „ to a Hair . 147 Res Angusta Domi 1 1 Partner, Vivifying Treat- Reserves, Our— the Battle ment of a 34 of Amesbury ■ 59 Passage of Arms, a • '37 Auxiliary Forces, Penny Wise . 46 North of Ireland ■ 146 Perils of the Deep 4 Restraints of Society "4 Personal! . . . . 100 Retributive Justice • 4' Perspective! 79 Revenge for the Union, Pet, Intelligent . . 3 More .... '3 Pickles, Mixed . ■ . • 1 26 Riding Lesson, the ■ 26 Pic-nic, the ■ 57 RoU-Call, the . 9 Pink of Fashion, the 5 Romance of the Kitchen ■ 82 Plain to Demonstration 9 Run of the House, the Pleasant for Simpkins ! 128 Running Drill, the Nsw '9 Pleasuring ! 107 Rural Simplicity . . . 78 Plutocrat, a ■ 37 Rustic Recollections 52 Point of View, a 87 Point of View, from one • "9 Sacrifice 70 Poor Humanity ! 7 Satisfactory ! ■ ■ • '5° Precise 29 Sausage Machine, the ■ 16 Presence of Mind '44 Scruples '23 (tontrnts of " © PACE Scrupulous .... 12 Season, a Bad . ■ . 124 Secrets US Selling him a Peniiyworth 65 Sermon, the First • . . 24 Servants, the 35,40,104, 127 Service (the) going to, &c. 143 Shocking! . . . . 156 Silence is Golden . . . 14 Silly Suffolk (?) Pastorals- Reciprocity . 76 Silver Lining to a Cloud, not a . . 53 Simple Addition 114 Simplicity, Sweet • . . "5 Sinister Slip, a . 49 Slip 0' the Tongue, a 18 Small Mercies . ■ ■ 44 Sold— Cheap 64 Son, a Kind 10 ,, a Degenerate 25 Spoiling it . 33 Straightforward View, a . 51 Struggle for Existence, the 98 PAGE Suit your Talk to your Company . -75 Suspicion ! . • . 86 Sweet is Eevenge— especially to Women ! -24 Sympathy • 48, 103 Tailors' Strike, in conse- quence of the . •45 Temper, the Triumphs of (> Temptation. 3i Terms, Cash 93 Theatricals, Our 1- The Better the Day, &c. 51 The Way we Build now 151 The Way we had in Army .... 143 The Way we Live now -112 The more Haste, the less Speed . .87 Themis, Irish Ideal of i-^-' There's many a Slip 62 Tho' lost to Sight— . 29 Thritt 123 PAGE xi(.K.ci 01 iieave, a . DO Tis better not to Know ■ 30 lUU DJ.U . • • 141 Too Late .... 106 Too True ! . ■ 92 Tourists, Refrigerated irdue, oiai/C 01 27 Travellers, Tricks upon I 48 iriiin, a nail 7 iiying. 5 Turk, a Regular 117 Turn about. . 81 Two Sides to a Question ■ 85 Tyranny . ■ 45 Ulster, the . 14 Unconscionable 15 Unprejudiced ! lO Up and Down Stairs 92 Veneration 22 Vested Interests ■ 31 Veteran, a • . . . 61 PAGE Wages and Wives . 95 Warning, Awful 16 Ways and Means . -155 Weather, a Change in the . 1 1 Weights and Measures 44 Well Meant . .113 Wet and Dry . 154 What Next? .104 What's in a Name? - 35 What's the Odds ? . .61 When you are about it 103 Where Ignorance is Bliss &c. 3c) Where there's a Will there's a Way! 150 Wimbledon • • '39 Winkles! . . .128 Woman-hater, a 102 Woman of Business, a . 149 Woman's Rights 68 Words and Weights 17 XXX cellent Reasons ■ . 48 Zoology 130 OjV TO OU^PEOP L^E , ^GUSH pOCIETYATflOME, N^o c I ety Pictures i3y Geof^&e Du MAURIEF^. ^JAy^ES R. OSGOOD 8- Co, PUB LIS HERS. A, Mens Conscra Inspector {u-ho notices a lacXuardncss in History). "Who signed JIagna Chauta [Ko (tnsu-cr.) Inspector {more urgently). "AVho signed Magna Chaeta?" (Xo unsu-cr.) Inspector {angrily). "Who signed Magna Charta!!?" Scapegrace (^thinking matters are leginning to look serious). "Pi.EASE, Sir, 'twa.sx't me, Sir ! !" Dignity. Clnb "Buttons," "I'm at the 'Junior Peninsular' now." Friend. "What! Did vou 'Get the Sack' from 'the Eetnolds'?" Bnttons {iiidi'jnanl). "Go along with \'ER ! 'Get the Sack!' I sent in MT 1!esi'nation to the Cmmiitte ! " Family Prid&, First Boy. "My Father's a Oi'.ficer." Second Boy. "What Orficer?" First Boy. "WuY, A Corporal I" third Boy {cfiihnlli/ "comic"). "So's iiy Father— he's a Orficer, too— a General, he is !" Fourth Boy. "Go alono WITH VER ! " Third Boy. "So HE IS— he's a GsyBRAL DealerI J " Bad Customer landlady. "What Gkntleman's Licgage is this, Sam ?" Ancient Walter. "Gb'tleman's Luggage, 'm ! 'On' bleshveh, no, Mum ! That's artis's tiiaps, that is. Tiiey 'li.'avk Tka IIEIIE TO-XIOIIT, TAKE A LITTLE LoDCIN' TO-MOHUOW, AND TUEKE TIIEV" 'LL BE A LoAFIX ADOUT THE PLACE FOR MoNTUS, DOIx' NO Good to Nobody '. " "March of Refinement'.' Brown (Ichintl the Age, biil Imiijry). "Give me tiie Bill cr Fabe, AVaitee.'' Head Waiter. "Beg taeeon, Sir?" Brown. "Ti:e Bill of Fabe." Head Waiter. " Til F, what. Sir? 0 '. — m\ \ — \yi^ \" — (I o Sidon! incite) — "CiIAWLLS, bring THIS— Tlllr — A— Gen'LKMAN— THE MexooI!" Refrigerated Tourists. Provincial Waiter. " IcE I Gentlemen? There ai.s't no Ice in Autimn Time. But it's f,asy to See you are Gf.nts from I.ondon, a.-s don't Know MUCH ABOUT NaTUKE, AND I DO.n't BlAME VOU FOR IT, IN COURSE. BuT, ICE in .\ucust!" [Eril, miijgcrtKJf. Intelligent Pet. "Ma, deak AvnAT do they Pi.ay the Organ so Loid foi;, when' 'Cuuuch' IS ovEn ? Is IT TO AVake us vr?" " Dura nee," Little Daughter. " Wo.n't they let is Out \vithout Patimc, Ma'?" Tl NNKI, ! ! " The Bird Show . That Charming: Gal «-:V/i //„■ blur f. aiha- [lo rrizc ' ■„„:,^!,\ " Sv,-i-"--i v Comic Man (•■ BuUissinui con JlrUi," froM tU olhn- side nf pr hs;,!^ " Vi-< J»rrKY !" '■ ' [l/l'a-?!/ minliij the hopn, /„.!■,„./ il,r. ,riml out u the xaila „f his lull frirnd {nrrioHs man), n/w had b ra spunn niirj uIjouI h,r all the aflciMo.i, ■tiul IhoujlU he h id madr an i mprexsion J " Try in ^ " Happy Swain MIA r IS I r. -1 [ I. IKK A .Si i I \ I I Edith '.in „ "On, Aim Ml-, \\\ ■ ' "An'd now, iiEAiu.sr iOjMir, I" .1 n\ l.l.LI.KY, MV J.'JVK ; WALU ' ' " ' ' ' I "I ^. anA mh-j siiffcru a ijmI ilad from tnUhar.hr). NOW VMf ASK mi: — no voi; know— I— kealiy— .but— "M-R. I I.INrll 1111,11 MK VE»TKI!I)AY THAT 11 K (/ol l.Il KXTl:A\s far's Viesnah ! Where 'vuu off to ? " Family Man. "Oh, I surrosE I shall takk, the Old Woman down to Worthing— as usual! [Aiul he saijs this in anything but a sprightly manner—whAch Was weeik and injudicious. 11 Scrupulous Shepherd. - 0, Jims, MiN ' Can ye so cie h wiirsTLi; on tii\ IIam iix' BniTE o' mine? ! i>AiiiX.v mtsel'; it's jist Fast- Day IN (JOB 1'arisii ! ;" 12 A G^me Two can Play at. Guard '.< Enilnl Piixsai-jn- nl Ih, Eitinliii-jh Sldliun, jad cf.i llic T,aia is Slarltiij). '• Vii'ur. too Late, Sik. Ye ianxa Estek." Stalwart Aberdonian. "A' main:" Q-a&ri. i,huldin yhu 'I'iiivK o:' ni vi ? 1 THoi/CHT I'l) (iiVK viii: A Ti:KAT. Tiiat's 'H ruitr, Sin!" Guest. "All! ASi) A vkky nuk, siusm Wink, I sii!>iu> sav I I ii::i.ii':vi: it's quite as Udod as mijik I liwi: 37". roi: tiik otiikii Day." Ouest {lU Vitj Contpiiiiy DiiDui:) "I M incommusi.y lIu.vdRY :" Ancient Liveryman urilh fccHiii)). "Takk Cmik, mv ih'.ar Sin, run Ooou- NKss' Sakk, takk Cake: D' suv kndw it Hai'I-kneii to mk at tiik last I.KKi) MAVon'.s DixNKii to Buns my Tongue with my kiiist SiwixruL or Ci.EAn TriiTLE; 'niNiiKQUENCE \VAS — !«ijrA.«)— Voui.u.s'i Taste at all — .\sv- riiixi;— vol: the ni;sT or the EvexixgI!" Just in Time. Veteran Piscator. " Hki ji ! bit ton's a llrcKi.i. Fi>ii i.oi imn- aiiint mi; I" {11. ,rns luchi U looked round!— U:s Friend fmm London, hfd' ynfa led SkMiinrj on llie lidih; lual xhtmilnl orn: ii lUnihhi; and " O'onr n Hmdcr" into a dcq} hole. He was gaffed at his hl.st kiek I) Ma.1 Apropos." Hectors Wife. • Wii.i., Vi:x ii^w do vol iiiixk \vk Sold hie Jf.p.suy Cow?" Venables ^F-i.i;l,i„i ':,:,■■>■ „.,\. •• M m, Mastfi; l}V[.E^s HAS GOT Tin: Rettki! WE A JIASY Times, nuT— OhoikW;/) — 1 riiiNK AS wi. a' I'om: irr. i s i iii^ 1't v.s '. '. " So iinlimMl—aml before Ike AnlulcacOTi, l"0 ! Yachting Biped, "TiiF.x vou'u. Look us ui' at riiniiiosn 'jli,?" Priest. "Now, tf.i.l .me, Doolan, TRtTiiFLi.i.Y, now onK.s" M vol- (.o Kew Acquaintance (ffeiitlciuunhj mnii). "On, yes— xeah Iue 'Zoo,' isx'i (11A11.L? IT? We OFTEN Duor IN AXD HAVE A Look .u- THE MoxKKYs!" . I"**- "WiL^.x-ow, sm nE oi'll Tiu, VF.r. Kiv KENiE THE Tiar'. Faix 00 AS OFTEN I CaS avoid!" 18 The Race not yet Extinct. Country Excursionist !am!.,l nl G. If. Ti.-.nlnm). "l uu.i. vuL' inkmum mic what tiim I!is.sk ciiakce J'addimmon tu the 1!ank.'" Dundreary {Kith nn cf^rt). "Ar-li, to' ji'Soul, haven't an Idka II ! XtVEK ivopE 'n u.ve ix m I.ikf. ! Si:-, win i,i> vol- OiiLicp. mk with " Aunt. " Wki.l, Dai.sv, i!ow hid viiu like 'Chikch' vesterdat!" Bashful Curate iir/ia fiat/ saircrty sj.olcit to ftis Fair XeUfhiuttr). "0, Daisy. " (), Avntv, thky were all so Quiet and locked so ("nosK, I rri:i AiM Y. What iHALi. I havk ti:k IM.k.am rk th Oifer T " iiioiCHT I .VIST a' .sikeahed ! ! " Lady. " A liKMAI.K I ! < "VF.r.KI> KAIII.V OSK MllKNINO, I!Y HIS LXI I.TAXT VkTIMS, IN TlIK AC T OF lIAVlXd AN " EasY SHAYK. " IS THE SOMEWHAT LIMITED Themises ok THE VlJ 1 \(;K Fii:Ai:o. 24 Desperate Case I Exchange SI. A. {fnd'-avouring to instil Euclid into the mind of Private Pupil going into the Army). "Now, if the Thiiee Sides of this Timaxgle ai;e all EcjrAL, WHAT WILL Happen?" I Pupil {confidently). "Well, Sik, 1 should Say tue Foirth would ee Equal, too ! ! " Toeswell iin lit'; Washing lloom at the O^cc, jyrocccding to drnjs for the Dc Broicncys Dinncr-Party). "HuLLo! "What the Dooci: " — {Pulling out, in disniag, from llttck lag, a pair of hluc fianncl Tiglds, n jiinh striped Jersey, anil a spikxd canvas Shoe.) — " ConfouxI) it! Yes I — I MVnT have taken that Fellow's Bag who said he was going to the Athleiic Spop.ts this Afteu- NOON, and he's got mine with my Dkess Clothes ! ! " Lucid .' Irish Sergeant (lo Squad at Judijiiig-Dialaiief DilU). "Now, ve'll r.vv the ciiKATrsT of Attintion to tuk Max at Kiniir Hu.NDKED Yak-kds: uecake, if ye can't see 'm, te'll be dfxkived in his 'Ai'pabance : : " Look before you Leap. Middle-Aged Uncle. "Not PnorosED TO HER yet! Wht, what A shilly-shallying Fellow you aue, Geokge ! You'll HAVE THAT LITILE 'WnKi-.V SXArPED UP FROM UNDER YOUU NOSE, AS SURE AS YOU 'RE BORN ! PRETTY GaL LIKE THAT — SICE LITTLE PkOI'EI'.TY — EVInEXTLY LIKES YOU — WITH AS EsTATE IN THE HIGHLANDS, TOO, AND YOU A SPORTING MaN " Nephew. "Ah! that's where it is, Uncle! Her Fishing's good, I know; but I'm not so Sure abjut her Grocss!" ■'Tho' Lost to 5ight " Aunt Jemima (Jroiii 'he cauiitrij—hcr Jiist cjcjicrieiicc uf.a '■ Ilansum "). " HoY ! Hoy ! Stop the House '. Where's the Coachmas : ' Precise Driver (impatiaU). "Now, Bill, what's' it ALt about!" Conductor. "Ge'tleman wants to be put down at Xo. 20 A in C'lakinguon Shuakk, kust 1'obtico ox the Right afteu YOU PASS the ' Red Lion,' private Extkance p.ouxd the Corxef. ! " Driver. "0, certainly! Ask the Ge'tleman if we shall Drive Up-staiks, an' set 'im down at 'is Bed Room Door is THE Three- Pair Back?" 29 Vested Interests. Sweeper. " Ir vov ixi.n'i okt off mv Cuusmn', I'i l 'kv vont NfMr.E:: Te m p t a 1 1 o n . Painter. "You don't mi:\s id Sav you want Mk to Su:s n. w!ii:n- 1 ticix YOU I DID NOT Paint it! And \ Hkasti.y CorY it is, mh.:" Picture-Dealer. "Vv not, f:ooT Srii » yy not? Ti'T I tt l : j vt ! I only YisH Y-ou Anris's vus 1Ii:n m- PiI-'nt.s- I " "Spoiling It" Lord Dabbley. " Wa-at., Sti;eaky, why 1 'vi- iii-Mi!)— All— yov 're not i:olNi; TO-(;;.(I/-,(,sV-HAVK A I'lCT-YAIl AT THE KxilllilTlMN !" streaky, B. A. "Haw, veuv i-kobahi.y N.^r. M'l.oun. "\Vi:i.r,, I think it ONLY— AH — Gr.ArEFUI,, M'LOKH, WE .-iliori.l. o, , • .|o\ AM Y FOKF.CO OUK 1M;1MLEGED sr.\CE Foi: the sake of ovt. yovn.h. immi : — ah ; Uesm.es— T quf..stio.v IF I SHALL LE AI'.LE TO FINISH .MY VvmM I'uCll.All- IN TIME THIS YE-AE ! " - 33 Particular' " YouEg Mumford {nirihj, hnviiiy Icnm' li„s.vY Yof know tiii; Capoi.uv^ we Weed THEM!!" \ f ifuimr iri'y/ifs litis First Si'f " tn/s Thf L"in-ft-s-" Arbiter Ele^aniia rum. "The Servants." Eoosemaid. "Oh, plf.\mc. 'iM, coii.n I mr mis Evknixc? V-ai-se Cook. " Thkn, MiAr.i, vou oo as "Ousematd f " Cook nex' Dohu's r.jT a ' LaniTai;!; u' Fi.o\vi',;:s Bke,' and she's i;eqde.sthi> Toung Person. " Xo, indeed! If I r.o at all, 1 CO AS I.auv siE TO EE one o' tiii; JfDi;i;s ! " MlstrcES (lo former t'»i). " Wkli, Eliza, what are you doini; now ?" Ex-Cook. "Wei.i, Mum, as you woUuin't give me no C'iiauactek, I'm; i:ei;n ti;i.ii:i:D lo IIaiiuy a toMMKi: '." 33 "Not to Put too Fine a Point on It." Transatlantic Party. • Look k.ke, Waitki: : ( „.vn-,:e this Kmfk fop. a IKA EATER. StKA.VCF.K AND UE AIK OX IllFKKIlF.VT PlAIFOKMS, AND I NIGHT HURT HIM." ' N ever Say 'D i e" Nephew. •■.Sri:i: ir isn't Goit, U.vcle?" Uncle. " 0<„ T ! .::\\x Fei.-i.aii, n- you'd .S.x Tiiovsind a Ve-ar! '," "Matter!" A Final Appeal. Portly Old Sw^ll (o.i rctdiiij Profcsior TynialVs S_>cech). " De.vr me! Is "No.v, rinxiLEMEN of the Jury, I throw .mysu:." vi'ox your i.mi"AIitiai. IT poss'ble ! Most 'xtr'ord'naky ! — (Ihrotos down the ICcview) — that I should Judgm:.st as Hushands and Father-, and I confidently ask, Does the HAVE been oniuiNALLY A ' Pri.mo;'.dial ATOMIC Globule ' ! ! " Prisoner loox like a Man who would Knock down and Trami'le ';rojj the Wife of his B)S0.m? Gf.nti.emen, I havk done!" 37 Division of La bor. Facetious Volunteer Sub. '•Look hi i:k, ( ahain; I ji iii:ed of iiiis Fi n. I>.. mini. |m,,kim. auki: iim J1i:s wipji.k I C" AM. i;kt takkn Pimsonkr ' 30 Delicacy. Edwin ((« Ihe Seirnut Id jh-csnil). " Ah— ruTTAV j'KF.— All— iii«aim'0)NT.vy vk sr. r vs vKKi: >." Angelina. "All wke, mais Mommung ' Parlour-Maid. " l!i M I ISkg mjij; I'aiiddx, Miss; Err I i sdrkstasd tiik I.an(;vii)(;i; I '" In Jeopardy. The new Boy was enjoined to be very Careful new he carried the Fiddle-Case— " I!y the Handle, and to minu not to KSOCK IT AGAINST ANYTHINO ! " ImAUIXE THE HORI'.OK OF Mh. PiTSEY CaRTER, HIS MASTER, WHO WAS FOLLOWING, TO COME UTOS THE Rascal, with the Invaluable "Joseph" on his Head, kxbcdtixq a Pas Seul over a Skiti'ing-Kope ! ! 41 Culture for the WorUin<^ Classes. Philanthropic Employer {who has jmid his U'orhpcnplc's cx2iscs lu n uric/hl/ouriiuj Fii c-Arl Ei-hibitiuii). " VVeli., Joil.\t>u.s, what niii vol) THINK OF IT? 'I'lCK IT AS IdEA OK TWO?" Foreman. "Well, yep. see, Sik, it wehe a this Wat. M'aE-V rs cot tuekf., «>; w.\s a coxshji-.uix' what was besi- to be PO.NE, so we APP'iXTED A DEPPEIiTATIOS o' THP.EE ON US TO SEE WHAT IT WKKK LIKE; I.Xx' WHEN THEY COME OI.T AN' SAID IT WERE ONLY I'ICTUKS AN' SUCH, WE THOUGHT IT A PITY TO SPEND OVR SHILI.INS ON 'E.M. Sip WE WENT TO THE TeA-OAI!DEN>^, AND WEUV j Pleasant ir weiie, too. Thank veu kindly, Sib!" A Casual Acquaintance. " C i rcu ml oc uto ry West-End Han {addrcssimj, as he supposes, Jnklligcnt Afcc'tanicj. *'Can you Direct me to the Moorgate Street Station ? " Seedy Party. " Mo'rgate Street ST.moN, Sir? Straight on, Sir, fust Tuknin' t' the Right, and it's just opposyte. And now, you've ixter- DOOCED THE SUBJECT, SlR, IF VOU COULD ASSIST ME WITH A TKIFLE, Silt, WUK'H I've '.kd nothin' tu Eat since last Fhidav- — " [ Wrst-End Malt, not haviruf an answer ready, fcrls out, and exit. Polite Coster {srxing StTwkc ismia'j from Bron-n\ nuil-pocl'-f]. "Yu1''m. e.\'CUse ME ADDRESSIN' o' YOU, SiR, — Co.MMON MaN IN A MAWIT. 'i' Sl'KA K I S'— GEN'LK- man LIKE VOU, Sir— becgin' Pardon for takjn' tih; l,ii;i r.iv. wiik ii I mioilm NEVER a' thought o' DOIN' UNDER ORDINARY Si:ci. r.M~ I AM i;.^, Sli;, I. NY VOU didn't seem to be Aware ox it, rut it Struck me as 1 see vou a Goix' ALONG, AS TOU WERE A-FIllE. SiR ! " [% this lime. Browns right roat-lail ions cntirehj consumn'. Hin fuzees had ignited hy private arrangement anionff themsrJvrs. 43 A la rm i . Buttons ,„ !.<■ bunt i„U hi. Masters rem. on tl,.- nrjhl of 1Vcdncs,l-„j, the 7//.. hr had j.tst scni U,.U woml.r/ul .shooturj ..fc.r). " Oit, PLEASE, Sill, riiKM Meteors is a r.oix'. off ao'isI!" Scientific Old Ocnt {stiirtkd out of his first sleep, and mlMndcrslmidiH'j the intelligence), "Oil l-iv.i :-wi:at !-Ti nx IT off ai rnE ilMS! !" We/^hts and Measures. Valetudinarian ll'f 'dk/'J' of (:oiiivisiilio,i a-ilk itililli'jntl Passrngrr, idiom he /"/...■.■ /" " Di'j.iiliinj „/ the Vhiii-cli). "Now, what SHoiTD YOU illIXK was MY "NVkic.IIT? " Gentleman in Black. " Wkli., Sik— i.kt MP. SKF.— you -stand aiiout Fivf, Fkei Ei.kvex, Tiiini Y In< iiiis acki C'iii:st, axd we'i.i. k.vy Ei.evkx Inches DBBJ>— WEl.l., I SIM. I l l) SAV, Sl'KAKlNO AT l:ANl.o.M, YOf WOULU ' LiFT ' AT ABOUT KlLVEX STI N' ANll TllllEE QrAirl KKS ! " [Uonvr nf Iiui'liit—hix li lltDr.j tuKuger teas an UxiiERTAKRit ! "Small Mercies." First Jolly Angler {u-dU fW).l,j Crrel). •■Viai,, \vv. ■\ E HAD A > EUY TLE, Day: AViiat a DKi.icHTtUL rir.siii n is!" •Second Dilto Urith dilUl). "Ci.dMoisl I siian'i i..i:t:rT that Kir.ui. IIAII JUST AFTKIl I.I .St II, AS l.'JNT A^ I I.HI,:" Both. " .\\\ ; : " 4-4 Tyran ny. First Bou^h. " We'kf, a coin' TO BE Kdgicated sow, c'mitlsoiiv, on ELSE CO TU THE TrF.ADMILL !" Second Eougli. "All! NO Vi-xdek so many rooii Teoi'Le's a EMicrAXix'I" A Perfect Cure. Town Kan. "How Jolly it must be. Living nows iir.r.E ix the Gjlxtky ! " Country Qentleman. "On, I don't know. It's uather Tor.riD sort of Life; Timf, passes very Slowly." 'Town Man. "Time PASSES Slowly ? You shodld ckt Somebody to Dkaw o^' you at Tiiisee JIoxTns I ! " 'Hoist with His Own 'Pomade 1 Cistomer {worried uUo it). " Wf.l,., I don't m.nd Taking a Small Bottle—" ^ ur, Twn ^HiLLnf- OKE Sin; IT 'OLDS Fouu Times as much as Tiir. othlu Barber. "Bkttku ave * 3,,,,,. i shall be Donk out 0. Halk mv MonkV. .o,.,, Customer (turning upon hvn). "0, then if 1 take ^Hl^ ..iiii.i.>. [Escapes in lriiim/i!i : Then I won't have any ! " Liberal to a Fault. The Mlesus {affa'Ay). "Mv 'usBAN 's Out jusr NOW, Sin. Can I give him any Message!' Liberal Candidate. "Ah — 1 have Called with the Hope that— ah— he'd Puomise me his Vote at the approach " The Missus. "On, yes. Sib. You're Cap'm Bilke, the 'Yallow,' 1 s'posE, Sir I Yre, I'm sure he'll be most 'appy. Sir!" The Captain [lielighUxi). "Ya-as— t shall be much Obliged to him — and -ah— he may depend upon my " The Missus. " Ye.s, I'm sure he'd Promise you if he was at Home, Sir; 'x^ause w.^E:^ the Two 'Blue' Ge.vt3 called asd as'ed uim the other Day, Sir, he Promised 'em d'bec'ly. Sib I ! " 48 Civil Service Miseries. Mamma (icho his hmi Shoppinj ol the Co-Opemfwc). "Good GitAciius, what shall we do with nresF. Paecels?'' Tounsest DaTishter. "Oh, Pa' ca.s take the Laf-ge One, Ma', and iir.>itcnT Caurt some of the Small Ones is his Pockets ! ! " [■?"', w''" v:aUiiig outside, fetis he's in for it. "Men were Deceivers Ever." A Sinister Slip. SweU {at the Ch-il Service Co-Opcraliu SUm). "Haw! I wast two or Smith. "Hctllo, Browx ! 'Been for yolt. axsual Collis I me-VX THWEB POL-ND.S— BacON-ASD— aw— 'dLIOE ME DY DOIN'G IT LIKE BoX— TOUB AS.NUAL EXCCRSIOX, YET ? Clov-es ou Flowers, or something o' that sort!!" \Bmo,i hijhhj mrmm, -, I'll t.vke your Likeness for you. Whfn- will YOU Come?" Bustic. "Well, Zur, if you've xo 'bjectio.vs, I EE mo.vstly Cleaned vi- and nxs MOAST Time o' Zunday Marnins, Zur ! ! " A Dibtinction. The "Good Parson" {to Aitplicant far Iiisirmtiun in tlu: Niyhl Scliool). " H.UE you been Cosfirmki), my Boy?" Boy {hcsilntiiuj). "Please, Sir— I — don't kno«- " Parson. "You understand me; h,vs the Bishop laid his Hands on you ?'* Boy. "Ou, no, Sir; but his Keeper have, .''ir— very often, Sir! !" 51 Considerate. Chowhwarden. "Teli ye what 'tis. Sir.. The Coscbecation do wish you wouldn't tvt that 'ere Cur.vte up ik Pulpit — NOBODT TAS'T HE.\R VS." OH, Sporting Eector. " Weli, Bi.vst t..v F^ct I-s Tweedler's such a Goon Fellow for Paulsh Work, I'm obliged to «IVE HIM A UOVST SO.METIMEs" Rustic Recollections. Boy. " ri.F.ASE, r.V-ARSOX, MoTHEI! WANTS SOME SoUP." The Hector. "Bit I told your MotHEit she must sknd Someihinc to put it in." Boy. "On, ilease, she've sent this year Pa ail vou 'un, P.v-arsos ! !" 82 Not a "Siher Lining " to a Cloud." Adolphns UjrnmlUf ; ht is MUCH OF HIS Playing, a>ks him to one of mkk I.ittlk. Pautie? fo:i Cl.^ical SIusic, ani. hoj'Es he will 'Oblige' dueino tiik KvKSiKO.— Ha! Ha I Shf. didn't Know what iiis IxsTia-MtXT was! Arcadian Amenities. Little Rustic («/<<•/• a "r/amr" siriujglr, cvUknlhj ovtrwciglUcA). "On, rLF.ASK, HELP us ALONG 'iTH THIS LiSEN' LI' TO MOTHEIt's " Amiable Swell (rigfiast). " Eii ! oh, ninicULous— how can I! — Look HEliE, I've cor a Hag— heavy Bag— to caruy myself " Little Rustic. " I'll carry yoi u Bag, Sir." Swell. "Eh— but {Io gain time) wii— wiiat'.s your Mothek's absurd Name!" [Thisdidnot help him mudt. Tlicre was no esettpe ; and uUiinatehj but icc draw a vtil occr the humiliating sequel. 66 A Big Fish. Artful Dims9l (lo.to /im mife a swessiul tlfotc). " 0, Lord FEUSioaiM HOWEVER SHALL I MANAGE " ' Lord Feublg-g-in (cnHjhl, too). " Puat let me Show tou! All dbprhpr (iM HOW YOU Plvy your Fish ! " [fFr bflray eonfidenee for once. This PuUurr romes Jro-n a Lrtt'r sent b)/ a newly-married Lady {now of title), to a particular friaii of hers, and is called a " Jteininiscciicc oj Scotland." Perhaps our Headers- can guess at Uie Story — tec cannot.] The P i c - N i c Playful Widow. "Jitmp me Dowx, Mi:. Figoixs I I" IT/ic gallant little Man dUl his best, hut fell— in Iter estimation /ur free. Art-fu I - Very ! Uary. " Dox't keep a Screoucin' o' me, Joiix .' ' John. "AVh'oi eean't a Pcr.Eoicix' ux yep.!" Mary (imjctmnsi!/). "Well, y' can i' y' like, Johx 57 Mrs. B. •hilui'j the niits . "Xkr H.u.0 1 H.-.n I Vo. Sun..sn.K ro r„,s CoMPA.V Opposition Lance-corporal. " B,.:« Paudox, Sin I It's the othek AVav, St.. W.-t.,^ a Du.oAur, S,K ! . . Nerrona Old Lady. "JTow, Cabman, tou'i-.e Sii;e tocu Horse is Quiet? What's hf. i.ayixg Back his Eaks like thai fok ? Look ! " Cabby. "0 that's only hep. Ff.mi-.v;.v« Ci'a'osrrT, JIcm. ■ She like-s to Heap, wheie she's a Coin' to!" The Connoisseurs. Oroom. "Whcw's Beer do you Like Be.st — this 'ei;e Hom'brewed o' Fisk's, oil THAT there ALE THEY GIVES YER AT THE WhITE Ho's ?" Keeper {critkaUn). "Well, o' the Tew I I'Kefers this 'ere. That there o' Wum'ood's don't Fare to jie to Taste o' Nawtuun at ALU Now this "ere dew Taste o' the Cvsk ,' I " Jeames. "Mounin', Mb. Jarvice. Wh.u's the News?" llllr. J. Uhc old Coa'^hman). " Weli, 1 'vE 'eard the best bit o' Nsws this MoENINO AS 1 'TB 'eard FOK MANY A DAV, FROM OUR BlTTLER. HE TELL ME THE Win'tABM is 'A COMIN' BOUND," AND THERE'S EVERY I'eOSPEc' OF OUft cettin' some hore good Madeiry ! ! " 60 Purchaser. "He's kather Heavy about the Head, isn't he?" Dealer {can't deny it). "Well, Sir! (Hajipy thought.) But y'sbe, Sib, he'll hey to Cabey it hisselt ! " 61 "There's Many a Slip"&-c. Wacm.f,s saw a .mlksmd T..n,:,:.ror.v« Tk.ut Fr.r.n,NG ,n a Quiet r,..uE o.v the Tuam..s onk Evkn.nc i.A,r Wkkk Dowm IlK (,O.MF.S THE NKXT X.rlir, .MAKING ^I KE OF HIM ! Bl l SOME OTHER PeoI I.E HAD SF.KN" HIM TOO \ ■ I /. Luxurious Habit. Philanthropist {lu KuHinin Foiifr). "Tiir.x w hat Timk dj tov kit to Bei. 1 " Pcrter. "AVru,, I m:it...m \miat tfii m \v ■ fn.Ts to Bn> mvski.k. 'cai sk ..' Tiin Ximn Tiimn-;. Ri i my r.i;oTHF,i;, AS vsFi. TO WORK n:r. i''iNTs h in-iir.i: !...». n tiik I.ixk.. west to Kkd last CinasiMAs aititi iiik A. - ilkst. am. skver " ITriiii, nislir.s umI the I'ailics riisJi off. "No Account/ng for Taste " MaterfamiUas arrM at Shri,npviUc--M CliUdren h-,i b,c,v d.wn a Month b'forc). MV'jill. Jane, ,uve voir foukd ,r DvLi.r- Nurse. "It was at fcst, M m. Turre was nothisk to Improve tue JIi.vd, M'm, till the Nicgek* ivme down- ! : " Selling Him. a Pennyworth. Philantbropist. "Tuep.f. 's A ruNXT for Yor, my i.ad. What will you DO WITH IT?" Sweeper. "What all this at Once! I'll Toss yer for it, Double ou <}dits ! " A Change for the Better. Greenerocer. " Want a Pe.xn'oi:! h o' Coals, do yep. ? You won't be able TO 'AVE A Penn'orth much longer. They 're a going up. Coals is Coals now, I TAN TELL VER ! " Boy. "An, well, Mother 'll be glad o' that, 'cause she .says the last Coals she had o' you was all SLATES ! ! " "The Meat Supply. BathlnB-Uan. " Yek, Must, iik's a coud oi.i> 'Orsk ykt. And he's bees is the Salt AVatek so I/)JC, he'll makk caitiai. liiLEU Beep woes we 'he dose with hix ! ! ; " A Pleasant Prospect. Traveller {in Irchiiul). Hi,— I'ri.i. HER vi; Man ; DoNr vou biiE THE Make is runnixo away?" Paddy. " Hct l:i tiuhi, vi;i-. Ovi; : Kmi; vei: i.iee ixix'i'J loucii niK Rei.ss I— .siiiF. tuev'i;f. as i:onKx as h'.aus : I'll Tl'K.N her ISrO THE lilVEU AT IHE KkIDOF. IlELuW Illii-.K. Si r.l. 1 HAT 'l.L STOI' IIEI!, THE CLAGYA 111) ! " The Commissariat. Squire (to new Bttlhr). "I hate TiinEE or. four Cleuoymen cominj to Dixe with mh TC-Mor.uow, Pp.odcers, a.nb " Mr. Prodpers. "'Ion OR Low, Sir?" Squire. "Well — I hardly But why no Totr ask, Prodgers?" Ur. Proigrera "Well, you see, Sir, the "Igh' dbin'ks most Wine, and the 'Low' eats most Tittles, axd I must pebwide AIXORDIX' ! I ' Duty and Pleasure. Sural Butler (dcfcrcnlUtlUj). "Axn what do you Tiiixk of our Country Quality down here. Sir?" Town Gentleman {" in ■waiting" to Lord Manjlonc, tcho n;7s visiting the Squire). "Well, 'f coursk, you see, Smithars, I dos't mixd Waitin' os 'em,— but— 'can't Say I should c.u;e to Sjt Down with 'km":!! "Business!" Bath-Chairman. "I s'rosE the Duke of Edineoro' and his Missis will RE RY directly ? " Policeman. "No, THEY won't. They ain't in Town." Bath-Chairman. "Ain't they? — say, if that Old Lady in my Ciiaii ASTS you, S.IY 'you DOn'T KNOW,' 'cAUSE KIIE'.S A WAITlx' TO SEE 'eM, AS. I M engaged by the Hour! ' 69 Sac rifice Good Templar. "Tirr— T— T— Kkallv, Swizzle, it's Discr.vcF.FUL to see a Mas is TOur. Tosition in this State, aftek the EXPENSI: we've IXCIT.UED AKD THE ExEUTIONS We'vE USED TO TVT DOWSI THE LlQCOf. TUAFFIC I " Swizzle. "V MAY I'BEASH AS MUSH AS t' LiKE, GiIN'l'm'x, BUH I CAM TELL Y' I'VE MADE MOKE TeRSII'.VAL EkFUIISH TO (/lic) PtrnnowN Lkjuok than »vv op yk!" Exten uaZing Circimstances. Employer {un hU vay to iHahiOfs on Monday moyniiiy), "Air, Sal'Ndeus I I'm *'ia:V TO SEE YOU IN THIS WAY. I THOUCIIT YOC 'd TUEXED OVEE A KeW LEAF '. " Saunders (>rjic>i//int). "Siio I 'ad, Shie, but (Aic) 'tsh all along o' thesii >x.E 'W'a'ee Co'i'ANiEs— I 'ssiiUEE Yot", Shiii, »-a>iin't 'Dixp o' Wa'ek ««i on; Shisht'en all 'Ve.siit'eday ! ! ! " 70 A Defin i ti on. Shoeblack [jMiitting lo Unsleatli/ Paili/ lij IJic laiiij)-/ml). " Tea-Tctallee ox ' THE Sthiki,' Siu ! " 71 Our Theatricals. Brown (rcheariring his part as the "VitomU dc Ourisac"). "Vas, Mabik ! I've FONDLV Loved Yi^ (Sobs Jmrnalimthj ) 'Tis wpii -BUT XO MAT-TAR-B ! " Housemaid {to Coolc, mtside the loor). " Lacks, 'Liz'betii, ain't Master a civin' it to Missis!" Comparisons. Barber. " 'Ami's ex i il'dkiuxaliy Dp.y, Siu. {I'listuNirr n-pliiiiis lie has been in the Uounlnj, and out o' doors a good deal.) An! jus' so, Sir.. lirixATios in thk 'Am. .'^iii ! If I w as m i:v. ks am. >iy I.ikk, Sii: ! Ni:vi:i; iiKKi:|. rr, Sru '. " Equal to the Situation. The Parson. "Wii.i,, Lizzii:, voir. Mothkk's (omk m i ok I'iiison, I iikak. IlliW IS SHK NOW ? " Lizaie. "0, thaxky', SiK, sun's ev' somlth Bettki:. Siik'vb hah iai-itai. TiMI- IS IHl-.KK. FaTHKR'S OUT O' WolSK, AND llATIIKlt I'OOIILY, So II.: i;o l TociK I T Last Nicirrll" 74 T/1€ Con va I escent . New Curate [Iciukrli/). "Xv u-niu Man, mi!ai iM)iri;i> YOU lo FlNU Fun mi:'" Oldest Inhabitant. "What doi;.-! hi: Say, Ih:irv Betty. " Savs what tiik Dllck did you Slnu koi: him, tor I:" A w kw a rd ! Xiteral Servant Girl I' A" om.s ntlliiiii fur iIk fu-^l Hm- mi Ihr Hihsii:tr//ix\ " Pi.kask, Siii, vouii C' vuman say ii.i ims'l FIM.I IIKE IlIK I.niiK UK llIK llKi:! II \ I,K-( 'Ki J\VN ViirVI'. GIVK HIM I ! " 76 Levelling Up. Sub. (Jusl arrived by rail), "How much to the Barracks!" Car-Driver. "Ah, siiukb xni.s-,. Captin, the JIanest ov 'em gives me T'ree and Pixit-SCe;" 77 Rural Simpiic ity. "«KKX TO Siiiooi., I.mLK Lassie?" "Ay, Sik." "Good Giul— thfre 's a Penny ton \ov." "Thank Yor, Sip.. I'll haf to iie sxEi'iiN— but awm caux to Skeill i tiif. Morxi.n— wull ye be iiiis way i' thf. En Ei:xi;ux ? ! " Those D readiu I Boys' Al^rson. "AxD, DEAREST, IF THE Devotios op A LiFE " {At litis tiu»uciU /lis >uU is liioclcd oicr his ct/cs l;i a common filar- fiih, or Firc-fingers (Askrias rulciis), thrown, mtli conaidcrallc fvrec ani precision, ly one of those 'mjtny high-spiriled little /clloirs her younger brothers, Tommy ami BeutieI ! ! Pro fan at ion. Gent. "I LEFT A Lock of Hair here a few days ago to be Fitted is a Locket, is it — An— ready'" Artiste. "Very soeey, Sir, it bas bees mislaid. But it's of so cosskjuesce, Sir— we cak easily get it Matcbeo, Sir. "II "Turn About." I Oeor^. "I SAV, T<>.\t, do take caee ! Yol- nearly Shot my Fathep. then !" Torn. "'Sii ! Don't sav anythint., theue's a good Fellow : Take a Shot at mine! "Happy Thought." Ulstresa {who hod come cUmn to see about the Baia Voice she hA-i Itmrd in Ih-: Kitchen— Ciiord^ninn discovered.'). "0, you Deckitfi i. GlBl, TO SAV THERE WAS NOBODY HEBE t AND AFTEU I 'C GIVEN TOC I>IsTI«TLV TO VNDERSTAXD I DIDN'T ALLOW 'FOLLOWERS' ; AND HERE, you haven't eeen here a Week " Cook. " LaUKS, M'm, IT MUST be ONE 0' THE FOLLERER-S AS THE LAST C.V.K LEFT BF.'iND 'El! ! ! " Romance of the Kitchen. "Compliments of the Season." Cook {from the Arca\ "0, 'l.u.s, ci' me my Winicbette — I've 'ad a — Comely Housemaid. "0, Mr. .Iamfj?, I'm so Frightened in the Railway! oyFEK— f;-. iM the Dust^jax: : " Surrosu thf, lirLF.i: was to Bust!" Mr. James. "Then, my Dear, you'd be a Sinoin among the Angels in about Ten IIinutes : ! " 82 "Ready!" Emily. "What's Capitai, PrNIsHMEXT, Mamma?" Master Harry. " Wnv, deing Locked up IX the Paxtuy ! /should consider it so Dear, Dear Boy / Georg-e. " Oh ! Shouldn't I just like to see .Somebody in that Dex, Auxi' ! " Serious Aunt. "Ye-es. Daniel, 1 surposE, deak?" George, "Oh no, Aunt; I meax 'Old Tmicsp.y," uii; Head-Mastep. ! ! ' 83 /I Pleasant Prospect. English Tourist. "I say, Look BEr.K. How far is it to this Glenstarvit ? They told us it wA5 oxly " Native. "AiiooT Four. Miles." Tourist {aghnsl). "All Bog LIKE THIS? Native. "Eii— H — this is just Naethin' till't ! ! " Compliments of the Season. Squire [ii-hn interests himselj v-ith the Moral and Mnlcrm/ CunilHion of his rcns(iwfry). "Hullo, 'WooDr.UFF ! what an eye you 'ye oui ! }Iu\v hid you GET THAT ? ! " labourer. "0, it's kawtiiin' rAiiTic'LAii, Sir. La^t Night — at the White 'Aur, Sir. But— (/« c.etciimtion)—Cuv,iMi->i\sii Time, Sir— ox'y Om e A Year ! " Two Sides to a Question . Squire. "Your Name Smith?" Smith. "Yessir." Squire. "Ah, I understakd vuu't-.e the Man who gives .«o much Tkourle to my Keepers ! " Smith. "Ax yeb Pardox, .'^miRE, your Keepers is much more Tkourlk 10 ME 1 " 83 Dep ressio n. ScE.NE— r/c Ejihutjc. Imlmtrial Centre. First Commercial Man '(rf) !//j/). " Jlor.xix' ."' Second ditto (culdlij). " JIor.xIN' I " First C. M. {hoj>rhssUj). "OwT?" Second ditto (inom;ijtdhj). "Xo« tI" First C. M. {ijhmnihf). "MOBXIX'!" Second ditto {dcsixii.-Ui.jhi). "MonNiN' :- [Thnj j^m. 86 Red u cti o aa A bs u rd a m . Stout Party {lU fird time he unit fur his Da-i(kiuU si.'ce his Aunt left him that Li-.jii,;,). "WuEiiE DO Yor Go for these Dividexii AVakkaxts?" Bank Beadle. "What Stock, Sir?" Stout Party. 'MVeli., Three i-er Cext. Somethixo" {ihc word stuck in hi^ tltnxit). Bank Beadle. " hn\—(,jidmj him the I,i/.,rmutiu,,, cid s s«.o:mix(: aiiovt ! I thofoht y'ou'd Like it !!" 87 Visito'c "IIcw i.nNc iiAs Y(H n Masteu deen awav?" Saxon Sportsman. "Any Snii'B adoit iieue, my Mas?" Irish Footman. "AVr.Ll., Soi;i:, IF iie'd come HnMF, YisTiiEr.nAY, he'd a' Pat. "Smtks, is it'! Faix, tiiey'ke oixekamy jostlis' acii otiieii iti lA oonE a Vake to-moi;i:<.« ; r.VT EV HE doesn't i:eti i;s the Day aftheii, hekeabocts !" .sIII1:E BE'I.I. -v' IlEKN AWAY A K");TMC:IIT NEXT TllOPSIiAY '. ! ' En CO u ra ^ i ! Bidine-KaBter (to ,^i'b. hchiiyiiij to niir. of Hit iicc Mouatcl EtiUaia). " Sn: : Vuu 're all 'of a Hi:ai'' ox thf. Hoiu-e's Xr.cK — VOL vi; I.OST VOl-Il SwiiKD AND YOflt FoUAGE-CAr, AND YOC 'VE LosT YOUIl SriltUCI-S— AXb VOC 'lL I,0SE YofllSKLF NEXT! I" "It's an III Wind'&c. Particular! Sporting Sub. "I SHoti.u like ti> have mv Leave as soon as i-ossiil:-, . Adjutant of Volunteers {tj EixrM.il). "Well, Sin, and what Comtaxv no Colonel, roit I've just heard mv Father's had a bad Fall out Hunting ' vo3 wrsii ro be in ."' Colonel. "Dear me! I'm sorry to hear that ! I hoi-e He's not Hurt I"' Kecruit. "Aiuiil I ve been— ah— used to ihe Co'ianv o^— ah— Ge'tle^ . Sporting Sub. "Oh, it isn't that !— only I want to have bis Holee! *"-^> ^n; ::.'!" 90 The Last Word Cabby {lo stitMij Pari!/, >rho has giccii him his h-jal Far ). " Makin' yf.i; FoKTrKE, StE, xo dol'dt I " Swell iiiut rjadhj cuhhiiig the Remark). "Eh?" Cabby. "Yoi''i:r. A lavix' by a good bit o' Moxey, Sin, I'll be bouxd 1" Swell (iiutiijiKinlhi). "What D'vor meax, Siu';" Cabby. " Wliv you dox't Si'EXD mi ch, seemix'i.y!" [Drives off itr h iiiiiijih. A Dilemma Cabby. "Eke's A GO, P'licemax ! What am I to do'— I vos Obleked to take these 'eke Gests as 'a reex a Dixis' TOU SEE, TO TIIEIK 'SPECTABI.E 'OMES, Vi:X VOS FOB 'AsoVr.R SjlABE, AXOIHEX FOR IHF. HALBANV, .'.KJ THE TOTHEBS ELSEVEBES VELI,, THEV VOS ALL CABEFVLLV SoBTED VEX I StABTED, AX' X0\V Till Y 'vE EEEX AX' COSE AS' ylXED The'bSELVES UP, Ax' I DOS T KXOW VICil IS VICH 1 !" 91 Too True' Mamma. '.Mv hY.\\\ Ciiii.n, \n:ri:K i i:i Yor Givr :inr hki ai Ki r. Si iiAn ii iN yuIT. Ai:.m ' ' Tittle Ada. "UH, Ma, it was iisiKin'.s tio i:i; -s liKn.iii Hiiii riiK Gi;i;iN Clas.s ix m, tiiat tiii; Tai.i, S. i.dif.i; cavi: JIendi Te rm s — Cash." I,al, Bountiful. " H..r, MV 0.30 MvK. n..E's x Tic:«r ror. me 0...s, SAY I siioi i.D BE Obliged if he'd let me have the Spictatok, if he'.'* xm Reading it." [Old ll'ai-l-hlhii-jK has beat nslc-}', nilh the PiijKr firmtij rliitcliel, fur tin h.'st tiro hours. 04 'High e I o w Stdirs ! " Kaster {snifin'j). " There' .< a most e.\tuaordixarv Smli.i., Jamk!'. I've xotked it several " Hail Porter. "I don't wonder at it, Sir. I've sp^TAXD THAT; BUT THE CoilK IS THE ' L<1W ClIUIlCll' I'ERSUAS'H.V, AND MM W KSS HUOWX Paper to hobviah: tim: Hixcexse. It's it-rfeckiv iiawhi on Saixts' Days, Sir ! I !" Wa^es and Wives. Philanthropic Farmer. "Wei.i., Tomkixs, after this W'EEK, instead of I amni; v t:iis — ah — (.w"v.<) — Ti.-DiUM ov.\i; ; " I ! A Cool Card. Swell h.i.iihii.i ■■ Si... ' , , \ni \\\: 1 in i' w . t; i: / I ,1, MM WI NN-INi; IMiWN '— I'vi — \\\— IMl:. YOl"K VOKK — I M I'WIXIOIS DKAF I '/ rm-ho, "Aw — WiMI.II Yor — AW ii j Waces to mi; wiiii.r. wk 'I'.n -MV Kykulass. IJon'i mind waisishs 'In Coni idence." "The Stru^^le for Existence." Hungry Customer. '"Taist Kau." Darwinian Coster ^Ui Ouijlij Hoiwtri/c). "Weli,, Fish is dkvi;, Mum; Chet "Gun \-v Like it; for, to Tki.i. vr.i: iiiE Tnrrii, A'TiiovGn I've si^;. ,r ^ aoettis' weuy sca'ce ix cossekexce o' tiiesf. 'y.v.r. Aqvekiuns BEEN A Makin' o' this' Ship roi: Fiftekx Yeai:, I ain't xevek Tasted it o Myself ! I " Hard Up on a Wet Day. F.ichard. "Wuat ai;e you Eingixg fok, Bob I " Robert. "The Beef!" Richard. " Yoc 'r.E never goixg to E.vr Beef -\gaix, Bor., are yov ? AVhy it isn't HAtF-AX-iiour. since Breakfast: Robert. "'Weli., I '.m not E.x.icTLY Hingry, rut one must do Something!/' I n CO m b i n a b I e Elements. First Medical Student. '•'Wh.it are you Sighing for, Jack?" Second Ditto. "Ugh ! I was thinking of that infernal Chemistry Cr.4m to-Morrow, and what a deuced Pretty Girl 1 SAW IN GowER Street just now! !" 99 A Desperate Case' "Bon Voyage First Driver, "HoAv's root: Cor. T' Bus-Conductor [to Purthj FanaU\ who iras iiuli'jttaitt (U havinfj heat cnrrird n Second Driver. "On, ue's a good i>i;al hktter -takks his Lotioxs MoiiK Tiiik beijon'l Atr (Icslinalioii). "Well, theke y'are, Mim, Fust to yer Left. Reo'l.vr " Y'ai.st cot so very Far to Go, and tue IVisd's at yer Back!!" First Driver {reassured). "An!" Pers o na I ' UTiveT {imjmlknl). "Now then". Bill I " Conductor. "0, Look Alive, Tis..\^r. Mm' ! T".. ihr Drira:) Can't ]:ELr rr : Ai.i, in tiif. 'Antiqi-e' Line this .Mornin' ! 'Ebe's Three more o.n 'em!" ['• ■ Anliqw,' indeed! Odious U'rekhl" thowjld one of the parties alluded to. lOO "The Co n sc I ence Clause" Bector's Wife. "Ami what's viiin FMin-.i:, mv liuv ! ' Boy. "Mv Fathkk's a ' IIagitaihi;,' an' hi-: says hk \vu.\ r have me i.eakn'i no Catechism, 'k EiJiE you'll all of yeu EAU OV IT ! " Education, Squire. " IIouso.v, they Tell me you've taicem vduu Boy away fp.om the Natio.val School. What's that for?" ■Villager. "'Cause the J[asteii ai.n't fit to Te.uh i s :" Squire. "0, I've heard he's a very good Master." ■Villager. " Well, all I kxows is, he wanted to Tk.m h .mv Boy to Si"ELl ' Tatei'.s ' with a ' P ' I ' ! ' lOl "Exempli Grat i a" Ancient Mariner (to cr.duloxis YachUmati). "A'siin.vL I.oui) KmaoN ! Bless VKK, 1 KNOWM) llIM ; SEUVED U.SDElt HIM. MANY'S THE TiME 1 'VE AS'ED HIM FOK A Bit o 'lUcco, as I micht «e a Asti.n' o' you ; and says he, 'Weli., I 'ain't cot ko 'Bacco,' ifjix AS vou might say to jie; 'm-T heue's a SUILLIN' foil YEH," SAYS HE" ! ! D i^n ity. Shipping Clerk. " Am; VL iHf: M.ME o' THE 'Maggie Lavdek,' or Stose- UAVEN ? " Kate iilnuli/'. "Ask if I '.m the Fin-R-r. sT Okficeii, yovso Max, as* MWBE I l.I. GIE VE AS AKSWEI: !" / Woman-Hater Spiteful Old Party ("-'<« is tnrrU-j Hit. Slaijs of Uv. FUu/slaf). "Stuii'EU Oowxiis sv.zyi Ai.i. IIIE 'C-j' wn" 'em, ku » {Clii I'll Stkii'e 'em! Pit a extf-a Sit.eak o' Ilk in, o' I'uispose— won't Dky fok a Mi'Siii: Comi: L'li.Loris' Amur hei-.e with Ciuk'lvkes as' Tr'ixes, theit must take the C'oksekexses 1 ! " 102 VJhen Vou are About it. V[a.eisteT Ta.mma.a {paHinj tailh his Buller). "Hf.ue is the Li.ttee, Flaxagax. I CAX coxsciextiously say you ai;e iloxEsr AXD Attentive, but I should have to stretch a Poixt if I WEr.E to say you are Sober." Mr. Flanagan. "TiiAXK YOU, SoE. But whes you ars AJTHEii sihritchix' a Point, .Sor, wouldn't you, I'I.a.sk, sthkitcu it a i.rnxE further, and say I'm afien Sober I :" The Serva n is." Cook. ''yKs, Sr.sAN, I'm a Wj;ijix' rn Maiiy Haxs Migcs. Siiic'vi; ai'I'Mkd to mf. koi: tiik Ciiai;iltek oi- my last Mismls, Miiuii she's Tiiixkin' of takin' riiK SiTiwATiox ' Susan. "Will you Give her Onk!" Cook. "Well, I've Said this, (/leads.) 'Jlr.s. Tekksits tke-sexts her Co.Mri.isiixKS to Miss Miccs, and hecs to Inform HER THAT 1 CO.VSJDEK JIr.«. IJROWK A RESI'EK'ABLE YOU.NG 1'EIISO.V, AXD OXE AS KXOVVS HER D0OTIE.S ; BI T SHE TAN't CONSHEXSI.Y UeCOMMEXU HER 'I'EMI'Eli, WHICH I HAD JO PaRT Wnii HER OX THAT ACCOUNT.' It S ALLUS BEST TO BE CaNDIED, YOt KNOW, SlSAX ! " 104 Quite Superfluous. Stout Passenger ["bstrc})cromTy). *'H(iv! }[uv ! IIuv ! I " Bus Driver. "Ai.i. I'lciir, Sin, WK ( AX Skk yf.i;, Sii; ; we < ax See yer Vim iiiE Xaked Kye, Sip. !" TheBeard Movement. Too La-te. Policeman (innWioHrfj/). "It's ruFFEtTi.Y Hoitioxal vith us, yov know !" ("Tlie Hairs Ihetn P'/ieancn i-'^i^ " " ^i 1 '"^t-- ^Nn FiNrsii nKF with a m ikk Oi.Asa ON YEii Kap fou a Tooth-Comb!!" Hed-iime, and i;o favi Asi.eei', as' lmt '« FioiiT 't out 'uoxa 'usSLVfss.' .' .'" 108 Con siderate Criticism. Rustic {h hk /,■;.;,■■>). -'U^-u, TIM',. P.ETTF.n THAN" hoin' o- .\swih-.n-. I s'rons', GEARi^r. ; : •• A Fortiori. Ticket Collector. "Xow, tiikn, makk IIante ! AVukkk 's vouii Ticket?" Bandsman {rrfrcsh^d). "Au'VE hosr it!" Ticket Collector. "XoxsENSE! Fekl is yorr. Pockets. Ye cax.not bev Lost it!" Bandsman. "Aw CAX.voT ? ; 'VViiv, Max, at 've I,"st the Bio Drcu !" "Nae That Fou'" Country Gentleman (njuo lliouglit he'd got such a treasure of a nnc (Jarctmer). "Tut, Tut, Tut! Bless my Suul, Svuxdeils ! How wu.vr's ALL THIS? Discr.ACEFCLLY Intoxicated at this Uour of the Mousing! Aix't you Asu.oied oe Youuself!!" Saunders. " Sji-iiamei. ! \!lic.) Xv, sa, 'ji nae sae Dr.i XK as that comes, t' 1 An kex VAr.r.A weel whai a m acooi II" no Hibernian Veracity. Paterfamilias (ic'lh his Fnmihj in Ii-eiond). "Have you any West India Pickles, 'Waiter?" Faddy. "We've kot, Paterfamilias. "No Hoi Pickles of axv Descriptiox ? " Paddy. "No; SHi'KE idet'ee all Could, Sob." Quite Another Thin^. A Fair Offer. Paddy {the l-s'-r). "Aehau, g alokh ! I .said I D LAY TOD FoiVE to Wan, Athletic Barman. "Now, if vou eos't take yovuself Oh; I'll ikeoious IT I wasn'i 'ois' to Bet my Ha'f-Ceown agix yovk TATn'p.iif mttle soon Turn you Out!" ''■^'"^''■''^ '" [ExciiiU fylUiru). Pat {n-Uh a yell). "TuR-E-RN me Out! Is it Tlr-b-rx me Out! Tain, Bedad ! COME Outside, ax' Tuk-k-ks jie Out!!" lit "The Way We Live Now." Swell Coachman (witA his eye m the Brougham's cockade). "Your Gfv'NEB in the Army!" Brougham lartlcssly). "Not 'zACTiT in the Habmt. Birr Missi« SAY as thet Sold MiLixcTAr.Y CVn osities when they kep' A Shop in 'Olborn ! !" Re- Assuring. Nervous Old Lady {Band in the Distaiux). "Oh, there are those dreadful VoLUNTEEn.«, JosErn ! 1 know the Horse will r.vKE Fiiii^HT : Hadn't you better Turn him Round T!" Coachman {irho Kill have his own way). "Oh, let 'im alone, 'II ; he'll Turn 'isself Eoi'ND, and pretty quick, too, if HE 's Frightened ; ! " 112 We// Meant. Shoeblack './:■ rlnihi cusii.mrr). " Srni A Tp.fat wf.'vf. (jot to-siciit, Pif: : Ti:a as' lii .ns,' an' Si'i lA iii;s at ICxf.ti-k 'Ai.i. ! \Vuru)N'T vuu i.iKE lo CO, Sn; ? " City Uag-nate. ' Oil. iiii v miu lipn't i.ya' mi: ix, my ]!"Y." Shoeblack. "I'm! ' I\;i,Ui-s.) 'MVell— i.ouk 'i:ui:. 1 think ! coiLD Smtc. VEll i> AS »iv Fat/ilii .' .' ' Na+ure and Art. Pedestrian. "That's ax E.xrr.Aor.Dix.vRY Looking Doo, mt Boy. 'Wbat IKi Y..L I Al I. HIM '!'' Boy. "Fr-T OF ALL HE WEi;' A Orey'ouxd, Sir, an' 'is Name 'was 'Flt,' an' TIII-.N iHEY CPT 'iS EaK.S AN' TaIL OFF, AN' JI.tDE A MaSTI' DOO ON 'iM, an' now is Name's 'Lion' I" Natural Advantages. Teacher. "What Bird did Noah send out of the Ark ?" SmaUest Boy in the Class (nfler a Pause). "A Vovk, Sir." Teacher. "Very 'Well. But I should haye thought some of yoc Big Boy.'^ would ha\e Known that!" Tall Pupil. " Tlease, Sir, that Boy ought to Kno'w, Sir, 'cause his Father's a Eird-Ketcueu, Sir!!!" 113 Secrets . Intelligent Housemaid. "On, ri.EASF., Miss, tiif.rk was a youxc. Gentleman" called when you was ovr. He didn't leave no CaI:D, Mis>; Jll 1 I IAN SHOW YOU WHO HE IS, 'CAUSE TIIEKE ThUEE OF HIS PhOTYGRAFIIS IN V Ohl FMuw-StmlcU). "And what ilvve vol- reen doing all THESE YEARS, — what ARE YOU PAINTING?" SweU. "Oh, I gave lt Painting, my Dear Fellow— then I took to Teaching! But you can't find Pcwls in GExirs, von know, so now I oo IN FOB Art Criticism! 1 know I'm Strong in uiat ! l>iu you see my Article in this week's 'Now a Days?'" Appearances. Plushinston. "I s\v, Sniii;!;, Sis ;tLAK thing— your Landlady ad- DUKSSED MH 'JIv I,.U;1)' WIIKX I ASKKD IK YOU WERE WITHIN!" ArtUt. "Not at all, my dkar Fellow, It's voir Hat asd Pkksonal AlTEARANCE ! If you don't MINI), WK'LL ENCOURAGE THE IdKA. It WILL iMVi', heu CoNFiDtxcE IN MK, AND Eu ! " [riushUjlon iciU U ddi'jhl'i. 118 From One Point of View. S^-r.-SE—Ilnlish Jury Hooyn. All a'jrccd un their Verdict except Irish Juryman (kIw hoUs out'. "Ah, thi.v, Iliv'.v moue obstisit Men I nivu: mkt ix all mk ioikk Our Art-School Conversazione AT WHICH (IX CONSEQUENCE OP THE INCREASED SPACE ANTICIPATED AT THE R A. EXUlIilTIOX) THEllE IS A GREATER CROWD THAN USUAU Model («•;« ha^ dcarge of tlu Hats and Coals\ No. 97! Yksmh. There now! If I diiint see that •at-ah-sot a Quarter ['^'"t a "cry sa'isfMluni 'mIc-ouI for Douwr.fidd, w/m }uis barely time to catch his last (rain I 119 Between Two Shoeblacks We Fall to," &c. I m- pert! nent. riiat Shoeblack. "I cotched 'old on im Fvst!" Stout Oent. {naturally auspicious of the Street Boy). "Gr' cut o', my Wa.v, Second Ditto. "You 'EE A I " [Old GaUUman is fung iKariUj. ^"^ Rascal ! " Street Boy. "VicH tat round, Got'noue?" Register Register: I Aunt Sophy. "Now suppose, George, as a Single Woman I should have my Name put on ti;e Reclstep., what should I gkt BY IT ?" Pet Kephew. "Oh, a good deal. You'd be allowed to Serve on Coroner Jurie.s, Common Juries, Annoyance Juries, pay I'owDKP Tax and Armorial Bearings, act as Parish Beadle and Nioiit Constable of the Casual Ward, and Inspectob of NuisANcte, report on Fever Districts, and all Jolly Things of that sort." 120 An Evening s Fishing (Behind the Distillery at Sligo). First Pactory Lad. " Dom'sick, did tou get e'er i. BiiE at all? ' Second Ditto. "Soura wax, Pat. Osly wan small was!" Tirst liiLt-o. " YEii!;.(.'i : j^avk h lUiiRE, an' come hoME. Shcre tou ll get Moke than thay in Bed 121 Irish Architecture. Antler I,:\i,tU. "Hnxo, l'-\T, wn m- ai:e yoi: .uiout NO"? Pat. "Sunn:, I'm Kaimn' me liooF A nil, VFJi HoX(iui;-it 1 :" Thrift • Scruples. Peebles Body (/u TuiiTisvian who was supposed to U in londai wi a visit). English Tourist [htruuj arrived at Greenock on Suiulay morning). ' I-:— EH, Mac ! YE 'he sunk Hame again !" Man, what's youi: Ciiauge koiv Eowing me Atr.oss the Fkith?" Mac. "E— EH, IT 's JUST A iiuiNOUs PLACE, THAT ! MuN, A HAD na' BEEN Boatman. ''We^i, Sir., I WAS .Tisr Thinkis' I cANXA Kkeak the SaW1!A n i:i;-Eit)iE abu.ne Twa Hoouks when— i^AG— went Saxpesce .' 1 1 " Day fok no less than Fftken Siu i.l'.n's : 1 " 123 A Bad Season. Bportaman. "I CAN ABSURF You, what with the Rent of the Moor, and ;4Y Kxpenses, and 'what not,' the Bieds HAVE COST ME— AH — A SoVEBEICN APIECE ! !" Keeper. "A' weel, Sir ! 'Deed it's a SIairct ye didna Kill na mai?. o' 'em ! !" The "Nimble Ninepence." City Gent ((ifler a criliatl Ijispeclioii). "What do you wast for that MoosLiom i " Picture-Dealer. "I'll Shell yer the Two a Bargain, Shir ! Cheap ash Dirt, Shir ! Sheventv-Fivi: Ouineasii a Siiin ! I 'll Wap.uaxt 'em uxdocbted Smethers's. Shevexty-Five " City Gent. "0, come, I DON T Mixn Giving yov — TiiinTy Shillings for the Pair." Picture-Dealer (cfomnjr kUIi alacriti/}. "Do.XE I WiTiI Yor, Shir ! ! '' [CH'J Ocnl is in tor 'an/ 129 Menace Thmg of Beauty Uttle Angler (to her rc/iactorij Unit). "Keep Still, you tiresome mtti.k Visitor. "AVell, Geoixk, and what jm voi: JIkan to he, when Yotr TuiN-o ! Ik YOU don't LEAVE OFF Skrioclino, I'll Throw YOU AWAY, AND have Gnowx Up ! " (Horge (j>rom)>tl;/). " Ax Aktist ! " Visitor. " Well, TAKE another 1" then, you shall Paint .my I-oktrait." Qeorge. "An ! eut I mean to I'AiNr Pretty Things ! ! " Mixed Pickles. Domestic (ui terrified nccrnh). "0, MuM, here'.s Ma.'^tep, ri.AXrAi^N'r, 'if, has i:i:en axu liR..ici; his GnAx'pA's lM;-li„rTM: is the Lid'aUY, axu ClT HI.S FlXGER BRE.ADFri., 'Jf ! ! " Grandmamma's Darling: [.jh-r/ulhj alluding to his Kami Crgnu). "And cot a Mai;dle vv by Duze, Cra'dra'!!" 126 The Trials of a District Visitor. The Honourable Miss Fuzbuz (loq.). "Is Mi:s. Hiocixs within?" Mrs. Tomkins. "I'll C.u.l 'ku, M'lm." [At the top of her Vvice.) "Mi;>-. lu oi.ss ! Ekk Vs THE Pkrso.s- with the Ti;ac's!" (To the Jlunournlk Miss.) "The L.KDY will ke vows ruEsEXTLY, ll'uji ! ! " Legitimate Criticism. "The Servants': Aged Village JHeiTon (lo Sympftthisiiig Visilor). " It 's A ' Cookeuy Book,' Old Lady. "They'kk ail Alike, jiy Deai;. Theke's oit. Si'san' (it's AS Mk.s. Penewise, orii 'DisT/ticT L.vdy,' give me this Cnni.^TMA.s, Miss. true .she's a Dlssestei!), lit I've allowed hei; to oo to Chai-el Three 1 'd A DEAL SOOXEU A' HAD THE IXGRIDDIMESTS, JIiSS ! ! " TlMES EVEUY Su.ND.W SINTE .SHE HAS LiVED WITH JIE, AND I ASSI KE YlH' .SHE doesn't Cook a bit Beiteu than- she did the Fii:st Day!! " 127 Pleasant for Simpkinsl Photo^apher (to ilr. Simpkitu). "Keep your Head Steady, please, Sib, and Look ix the Direction' of those vouxg Ladies. Steady now, Sik ! Don't Wixk, Sir!" Mre. S. (>iy a look that Mr. S. quite understood). " Jl"st let ME See bim Vixk ! !" 128 'The Last (Co-operative) Feather.'' 'My Lady.' "Just take and Tie up a Couple of those Sacks Bkbisd the Carkwce, James. Thebe'll be Room, if ONE of tou Hides on the Box ! ! " Zoology. KaU^. ^^^^^^^f^^'^--^^^^'" « ^/-..n. ...S..,o.. M....n s.v. M.m. C.ts . -noes.- n..e,„ IS uocs. AND SO s Pahrots; but nns ehe 'Toetis' is a Insect, so thehe aixt no cuauge fob it: ■ Little Flora {In HEKE 's T« O IV EM ! FaIX, I'LL MAKE IT STKAIUHT FOK ME-SF.LF ANYHOW ! " [TkroKS up bolh Sandf. Wi m bledon. Volunteer Koonted OiBcer [Midnight). "Hullo here! Why don't you Tur.x Out the Guard? I'm the Field Offuei: or THE Day 1 " Volunteer Sentry. "Then what the Beuce aee you Coin' out this Time o' NifiHT?" 139 A Hardship. EUzabeth "Uell, Mum, wh.ch ..v my labt P,.ach I w..s nf.vk.« As'ed to ao a.V 'kae a C.kate Pheacb !- "Too Bad!" Oomlo Uan {in an audible Whisper, while his Friend is *^ ohligiag" v.ith "Adelaide"). "Look out! He's coming to the Passionate Paet njw. You 'll bee him Wag his Siiouldurs ! " "l-t'3 ihe Pace that Kills." Kiss Battleton {who means Jfaltzing). "On, I did not say 'Stop.'^Me. Pl.tMrLEY." Mr. Plumpley (utkrhj blotcn, in gasps). " 'msi'KE you — mustbetieed " [And joins tlie Card-players. The Gamut. Jack Bowbell {beginning his Sang). " 'Apty Land, 'Appy Land " Tom Belgrave. "One Moment — excuse mf, my deae Fellow — bct don't you think the Song woi'ld co bettek if Yon weiie to Sound your .ffs just a little!" Jack BowbeU. "Eh? Sound my JT&t" {Chuckles.) "'Shows how much you know about Music !— Xo such Note— only goes VP to (?/" {Continues.) "'APPY Land, 'Appy Land " 141 G-arrlson Instruction. Instructor (kcliuUy). "Gexti.emf.x, a TiiuEE-LKUuEn Tkesti.e is a iuestle with Thuee Less. Vou had better make a XOTE OF THAT, C'lEXTLEMES." {IiUciUC Kri'jblillJ.) General in Embryo (but not at 2>icsrnt noted /ot siiMrUcss), ajtcr a jwiw; of s->M .Vinutes. "I BE 3 Your. I'AiiuoN, Majok, but HOW MANV LeUS did VOU SAY THE TUESTLE HAD?" {Lrfl titting.) Cavalry Criticism. Adjutant (to RUliny-ilastcr). "Ah, there's Mr. Quickstep!" {Who had just Eidiangcd into the r^cjiment from the Infantry.) "How UOES HE CET ON?" Biding-Master. "Well, Sir. I think he's the Hossiest Gek'i-emax afut— and the Fuitiest Cex'leman cs a Hos that eye-^ I've met with since I've dfkn in the 1!ec.'.ment ! " 142 "An OHicer and a Gentleman!" volunteer Captain Ci,Hmj>(;o.K7i/). "Officers Ticket !'■ considerate Clerk. GovEv-'MEsr Tau.ff s H.on on this Lise, Sm. V/^TT'n KFTTEr. GO AS A GEXTI.EMAN ! CHEAPER ! -VOV D BETTEr. GO^.^^^^ ^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^ prcso^c of a,^ UOccs adra^'je of lite sug'jcstion. 143 "The Service §o'in^ to,&c!" Ensign Brown. "Oh, I SAV. Jo-M>. •'-----f "ke' i^f'^- -^.a^^:;:^- -Ur ^ bI^- 'i^:^: T ISSING vou ! ! " Presence Conatables {in. chorus). •' Hov • Hullo ! Stop ! Tl-k.s back Elderly Pemale [m a hurry to catch a train). " P'licejcan, I Sergeant of PoUce (Jtakcn aback). "Oh, I beg touk Pabdok, of Mind. THERE ! Can't come throi-oh the Park ! ' 'm the 'Ous Secrstart! .' I" I 'M SURE, Mum ! All biuht-drive ox, Cabbt ! " [Old Lady saves the train. En cou ragi n g. First Bystander {riiJcntbj VUhijc Scltoolnmskr—iynornnt set of people generally!). "Don't seem to be making NUcn OF IT, DO "e?" Second Bystander (yen V have lltimjht him iiUcUigent Farmer, lij the look of him). "Ammy-toou, seemin'lt!!" Pa rt i c u I a r to a Hair. Irate Major {to hainj Sub.). "WnES NEXT Yor come ox Parade, Sni, have the Goodness to Leave those confounded Weatheecocks behind vol ' " 'Bus-Driver. "TiiEV Tiai, me thehe 've bees some Coins found in these 'EEE ' ExKTVATIONS that 'a liEEN BUIIIED THEKE A JIaITER o' FoUU OR FiVK 'Undhed Yeah ! 1 " Passenger Friend. "Oh, that's Nothin' ! AVhy, there's some is iue Bui'sn Museum— AH — more than Two Thousand Year Old!!" 'Bus-Driver (a/lcr a jiausc). " CoMK, GtonoF., that won't Iio, ver know! 'Cause we'i;e only in Eight n 'L'ndrui an' Sixty-Nine now! ' :" 147 " Bus - Measure." 'Bus-Driver. "Never see the Comet?! Why, wherever coutD YOV ',v' " {\"/i