tihxavy of Che theological ^eminarjp PRINCETON • NEW JERSEY •8^^»' BX 5995 .A56 A3 Allibone, Susan, 1813-1854 A life hid with Christ in God '^""..y t ^' ^r i A LIFE HID WITH CHRIST IN GOD. BEING niifltt; La OCT 1 OP Logical 8^*"*^ SUSAN ALLIBONE. CHIEFLY COMPILED FROM HER DIARY AND LETTERS. BY ALFRED LEE, BISHOP OF THE PROTESTANT EPISCOPAL CHURCH IN DELAWARE. "To be spiritually minded is life and peace.'' PHILADELPHIA : J. B. LIPPING OTT & CO. 1856. Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1855, by ALFRED LEE, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the District of Delaware. PREFACE. To those who enjoyed the privilege of acquaintance with the suhject of this Memoir, it would be superfluous to adduce reasons for its publication. Among them, it is believed, there is no difference of opinion as to the advan- tage and duty of giving to the community as full a delinea- tion of her life and labors, as the materials which are accessible can supply. While her life was that of a retired invalid, the grace of God which was in her could not be hid, but was productive of such abundant and blessed fruits, that she became, in her own city and vicinity, extensively known — so far known, indeed, and loved, and honored, as to awaken a very general and earnest desire for a memorial like the present. The author has complied with the request to prepare the sketch for the public eye, with unfeigned reluctance, sensible of his inability, amid other numerous and press- ing engagements, to do it justice. But the task itself appeared attractive in prospect, and has proved delightful in execution. lie can only express the hope that the reader may find as much pleasure and edification in the perusal, as he has found in the preparation. It has 1 * (iii) iv PREFACE. seemed to him that it could not but he seasonable and profitable, in a daj- like this, when superfi^cial religion is widely prevalent, to present to the disciples of Christ such an exhibition of profound and living piety — of warm, spiritual affections — of delight in God — of fixed princi- ple— of outflowing, expansive love — of a "conversation in heaven." It will, he trusts, encourage the heart and strengthen the faith of many a weak and timid believer, to witness such effects of divine grace, and such a mani- festation of the love and power of Christ to them that trust in Him. And to those who, like Susan Allibone, are cut ofi" from the enjoyments of health, and confined to the couch of languishing, this illustration of the in- fluences of the Spirit compensating for every privation, and causing the tortured invalid to rejoice with joy un- speakable and full of glory, is commended, in the hope that it may lead them to the same unfailing source of peace and happiness. Her example shows what the Gos- pel is worth to the sufiierer who embraces it in simplicity and sincerity — the Gospel — and nothing beside. The truth as it is in Jesus proved, in her case, its divine energy — its heaven-derived power to comfort, elevate and sanctify the soul. And well would it be, if some of those who are searching for truth in the mazes of human speculation, or who are clinging to those delusions of self- righteousness and formalism, respecting which she has recorded her emphatic condemnation, might be led to recognise, in her experience and character, the value of those scriptural and evangelical principles which were dearer to her than life. This biography, it is hoped, will PREFACE. V also show how much may be done for the glory of the Redeemer, and the salvation of immortal souls, even under circumstances seemingly depressing and adverse, by the Christian who enters into the reality and preciousness of the doctrines which he professes. Only wishing that this work had been entrusted to a more competent hand, it is now submitted to those who feel an interest in the manifestations of practical Chris- tianity as an humble attempt to portray the character and influence — 1. Of a true wovian — one who, while gifted with great mental energy, ever exhibited the delicacy, tenderness and refinement of her sex. 2. Of a true friend — who constantly gave the best proofs of affection by faithful admonitions and fervent in- tercessions. 3. Of a true Episcopalian — who fully appreciated and happily exemplified the fervent, elevated and charitable spirit of the Church of her choice. 4. Of a true believer — to whom "faith was the sub- stance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen." 5. Of a true disciple of Jesus Christ — who sat meekly at His feet, imbibed His Spirit, lived His religion, and glorified His name. Wilmington, Del., Dec. 1th, 1855. CONTENTS. CHAPTER I. — A. D. 1813— 1832. Introduction — Birth — Maternal Influence — School Days — Love of Study — Partiality for Poetry — Works of Fiction — Later Judoiment Page 15 CHAPTER II. — A.D. 1833. First Religious Impressions — Discouragement — Conversion — Dr. Bedell's Ministry — First Approach to the Lord's Table — Con- firmation — Love for the Episcopal Church and Liturgy — Catholic Spirit — St. Andrew's, Philadelphia — Evangelical Views 21 CHAPTER IIL — A.D. 1833. Ill-Health — Fortitude and Submission — Letters to Suffering Friends — Efforts to do Good — Enjoyment of the Beauties of Nature — Temora — Dr. Bedell's Illness — Birth-day Reflec- tions 36 CHAPTER IV. — A. D. 1833. Solicitudes for others — Wide and Lasting Results — The Chris- tian in her Family — Letters to a Sister — Close of the Year 52 (vii) Vm CONTENTS. CHAPTER v. — A. D. 1834. Increased Illness — Apprehended nearness of Death — Impres- sions of a Work to be done — Eleven weeks' Confinement 64 CHAPTER VI. — A.D. 1834. Convictions of Duty — Letter of Encouragement — Assurance — Enjoyment of Christian Biography — Love for Society of Chris- tians— Delight in the Law of God — Interest in the Church — Letter to an Enquirer — Dr.Bedell's Death — Funeral Sermon — • Religious Souvenir CHAPTER VIL — A.D. 1835. Expediency of Diaries — Characteristics of the present Diary — Visits to the sick — Vernal Beauties — Letter to her Mother — Grief at profanation of the Sabbath — Bishop Moore — Ro- manism— New Pastor — His Institution — Rev. Mr. Clark's Sermons 126 CHAPTER VIIL— A.D. 1836. Serenity in Prospect of Death — New-Year Thoughts — Prayer for Guidance in Efforts for the Good of Others — Domestic Enjoy- ment— Letter to a Unitarian — Letter to a Sister on Baptism — ■ Visit to Princeton — Letter to a Sister commencing a Christian Life — Visit to Cape May — Letters of Dr. Clark — Temora — Letter on Christian Activity 150 CHAPTER IX. — A.D. 1837. Office of Sponsor — Letter to a Sister after Baptism — Feelings at witnessing Confirmation — Visit to a Dying Believer — Bucks County — Letter alluding to her Sufferings — Feelings at the prevalence of Depravity — Spiritual Ignorance and Destitution — Buchanan's Memoir — Dr. Clark's lU-IIealth and Leave- taking— Close of 1837 185 CONTENTS. IX CHAPTER X. — A. D. 1838. Counsels to Enquirers — Clear views of Truth — Letter of En- couragement— Interest in Accessions to the Church — Season of Lent — Jewish Rabbi — Letters to a young Christian — To Rev. J. A. Clark — Interest in her Orphan Cousins — Solici- tude for the Church — The General Convention — Tranquillity in Danger 212 CHAPTER XL— A.D. 1839. Commencement of the New Year — Christian Intercourse — EiGforts Blessed — Mr. L.'s last moments — Visit to Princeton — Antici- pations of Heaven — Last Letter to her Mother — Happiness in her Family — Her Mother's Illness and Death — Narrative in Miss AUibone's Diary — Letters to her Sister and Cousin — Correspondence with Rev. J. A. Clark — Conflagration — Visit from J. J. Gurney 236 CHAPTER XIL — A.D. 1840— 1842. Effect of the shock upon Miss AUibone's Health — Spiritual Peace her sole Support — Prostration — Intermission of Writing — Dr. Clark's Letters — The Easter of the Universe — Comment on Jude xxiv. — Intimacy with Miss L. V. Byrd — Letters to Miss B. — Counsels to the Desponding — Communions in private — Removal to Ilamiltonville — Cottage Home — Efforts to do good — Excursions to the Woodlands — Classes for Instruc- tion — First Letter to Rev. R. Smith 258 CHAPTER XIIL — A.D. 1842. Letters to Miss B.: To a Young Person: To Rev. J. Howard Smith — Bishop Moore's Visit — Return to the Sanctuary — Romaine — Confirmation — Visits to the Vestry-Room — Plan for a Church in Bucks County — Letters on the Subject — Urgent Letter to her Cousin R. S 286 CHAPTER XIV. — A.D. 1843. Success of her Efforts for the Young — Recent Illustration — En- joyment of the Holy Communion — Letter to R. S. on the Scrip- tures— Letter to J. II. S. — False Doctrines — Dr. Clark's Illness — Prospect of Sudden Death — Miss B.'s Illness — Letters of Condolence — Hortatory Letters to a Lady 306 X CONTENTS. CHAPTER X V. — A. D. 1844. Letters of Friendship — Recollections of her Mother — Visit from an afflicted Friend — Dr. Clark's Death — Letters to Miss B. — Letter to a Bereaved Mother — " The Land far Away." 325 CHAPTER XVL — A.D. 1845. Letters to Miss B. — Missive of Consolation in Illness — Visit to her Friend's Death-bed — Departing in Peace — Projected Me- moir — Piece written in an Album — Thoughts suggested by Flowers — Letters containing allusions to Miss B 339 • CHAPTER XVIL— A.D. 1846. New Year's Day — Dr. Judson's Visit — Letters: To a Young Man: To a Mourner — Visit from Bishop Potter — Increased Debility — Close Confinement — Dependence on Spiritual Succor — Rejec- tion of Stimulants — Notes made in her Chamber — Peace in Christ — Letter of Persuasion 355 CHAPTER XVIIL — A.D. 1847, Conversational Remarks — Letters : To Relatives : To an Invalid : To a Fatherless Daughter: To W. A.N. — Estimate of Arch- bishop Leighton — Mystical Writers — Letter to Bishop Potter — Letter of Caution to a Young Disciple: To Mrs. Bedell — Recollections of Dr. B. — St. Andrew's — Flattery — Visitors — Adaptation to all Classes — Henry Clay's Visit and Conversation — Correspondence with Mr. Clay 375 CHAPTER X I X. — A. D. 1848— 1849. A Comforter of the Sorrowing — Letters of Sympathy to the Be- reaved: To an afflicted little Boy — Conversation — Content- ment— Letters to Dr. N. : To R. S. on Discouragements — Alarm at Tractarian Errors — Letter referring thereto — Letters of Friendship — Pastoral Visits — Letter to one lately baptized — Importance of a high Standard in Religion — Letters to the Young 394 CONTENTS. XI CHAPTER XX. — A. D. 1849— 1850. Death of her Sister — Congeniality — Active Usefulness — Support — Sanctified Grief — Letters descriptive of her Sister's Charac- ter : To Rev. Dr. Fowles : To Girls in the House of Refuge : To her Preceptor: To the Mother of an Afflicted Child 430 CHAPTER XXL — A. D. 1850. Letter to a Bereaved Mother in Ireland — Persuasive Letter to a Youth — Letters to Dr. N. : To a Relative — Intercourse with the Young — Unitarian Views — Letter on the subject to R. S. — Dr. Channing — Arianism — Letters of Friendship and Con- dolence 443 CHAPTER XXIL — A.D. 1851. Interest in Foreign Missions — Letters on the subject to Rev. R. Smith — Mr. Smith's Devotion to the Work, and Early Death — Letter to Dr. N. — Another sharp Affliction — Letter of Con- solation— Dr. Gordon's Life — Letters: To Rev. Mr. D., on Entering the Ministry : To an Invalid Youth — Visit from an aged Christian ^ 462 CHAPTER XXIIL — A.D. 1852. Letter on Missions to R. S. — Natural Affections strengthened by Grace — Letter to a Friend on the Death of his Mother — Letters to Friends in Europe : To R. S., the Ministry : To a Young Convert : To a Prisoner 481 CHAPTER XXIV. — A.D. 1853. Unexpected Continuance — Epistolary Efforts — Various Letters: To a Bereaved Parent : Urgent Persuasive to a Youth : To another, pressing Immediate Repentance : Remarks upon the Psalms: To R. S. — Interest in the Colored Race — Congratu- latory to a Young Disciple — Description of Visit from Dr. Kal- ley — Work of Grace in Madeira — The Awakened Romanist — Social Affections — Youthful Aspirations — The True Church of Christ — To Rev. J. H. Fowles in Illness 499 2 XU CONTENTS. CHAPTER X X V. — A. D. 1854. "Waiting for God's Salvation — Cheerfulness of her Apartment — Letters to the Young — Morell's Philosophy of Religion — Mr. Fowle's Illness — To J. 11. S. — Simplicity of the Gospel — Pre- ference of Love and Faith to Knowledge — Romaine — To a Young Person on Insincerity — Desires to fathom certain Pas- sages of Scripture — Removal of Friends — Visit from a Converted Ojibwa — Letter to R. S. — The Highest Study — Pineville — To Mrs. Kalley — Apprehended loss of Sight — Acquiescence — Letters of Sympathy — Vision of a believer — Concluding Letters. 539 CHAPTER XXVL — A.D. 1854. Relative Value of the Living and Dying Witness — The Event in Constant Prospect — Increasing Debility — The Summer of 1854 — Incidents of the Last Weeks of her Life — Final Commu- nion — Closing Scene — Funeral — Address and Sermon 573 MEMOIR OF SUSAN ALLIBONE. CHAPTER I. Introduction — Birth — Maternal Influence — School-days — Love of Study — Partiality for Poetry — Works of Fiction — Later Judgment. The works of the Lord furnish an inexhaustible source of delight and instruction. The treasured secrets of the mate- rial universe, the mysteries of over-ruling Providence, the manifold arrangements that render earth so beautiful and convenient a dwelling-place for man, amply reward the re- searches of the patient inquirer. But redemption presents a fairer and more glorious page to our study than creation — grace has richer stores and purer gems than nature. No wisdom is more wondrous than that which builds up the temple of the Lord with living stones, and erects therewith a meet, acceptable shrine for his eternal indwelling. No loving-kindness is more admirable than that which translates undying souls from the kingdom of darkness into that of God's dear Son. No earthly charms, however attractive and exquisite, can compare with the beauty of holiness. In the language of one whose character the following pages will attempt to delineate, "It is delightful to watch the expand- ing foliage and budding flower ; still more interesting is the (15) 16 INTRODUCTION. development of intellect and of social and moral character ; but it is a more llallo^Yed and satisfactory employment to trace the operations of the Holy Spirit upon the heart of a believer." The signal triumphs of divine grace are too pre- cious to be lightly esteemed or soon forgotten. They con- firm the faith and animate the hopes of the wayfarer towards Jerusalem that is above. There is a sacred duty devolved upon survivors, to preserve and perpetuate shining examples of Christian excellence. The light enkindled by fire fx'om heaven, which hath beamed with holy brightness, ought not to be quenched or hidden by the shadows of the tomb. Long after the orb of day hath descended behind the Western hills, his mellowed rays illumine and guide us. And years after the faithful disciple of Jesus hath gone the way of all the earth, holy instructions and afiectionate counsels, works of faith and labors of love, active zeal and patient submission, survive to edify and bless. The present memoir is an humble attempt to perpetuate the name, and to widen the hallowed influence, of one whose memory is embalmed in many sweet and holy recollections. None who knew Susan Allibone, while she was a dweller upon earth, could doubt that her name was written in heaven. There will be a cloud of witnesses to rise up in the great day of recompense and call her blessed : sinners, whom she was the instrument of converting ; Christians, whom she strengthened and animated ; mourners, whom she comforted ; wanderers, whom she led back to the Shepherd of the flock ; the aged, whose feeble knees she confirmed ; the youthful, whom she sweetly attracted ; and the little children, to whom she spake so winningly of a Saviour's love. And although her voice is no longer heard in the fervent prayer or the melting appeal, and her pale, sweet countenance is hidden beneath the sod, yet her bright example long will live, and her words spoken in season carefully be treasured up. She " being dead, yet speaketh." And now that her ear cannot BIRTH. 17 be pained with the sound of human commendation, a full exhibition of a character so eminently sanctified, is but an- other trophy laid at the feet of that Saviour, who was indeed all her salvation and all her desire. The traveller, approaching Philadelphia by the Southern Railroad, after crossing the Schuylkill, sees on the opposite bank of the river an interesting landscape. Smooth, verdant fields slope gently down to the margin of the stream. A magnificent grove of forest trees crowns the crest of the hill, and embowers an ancient mansion to which the estate once pertained. But the dwelling and the grounds are no longer joyous with the mirth of the living. The monumental marble glistens in its white purity amid the trees, and the silent dead repose beneath the grassy turf, within sight of the busy city, but beyond the sound of its stirring multitudes, unvexed by its agitations. Under one of these noble trees is the simple monument on which is graven a name associated inseparably, in the minds of her familiar friends, with the glory of Christ. It was a spot which she loved to visit while still permitted a brief escape from the chamber of sickness, and where she passed many hours of delightful meditation, looking forward with joy to the period when her flesh should there rest in hope, and her spirit be welcomed to its heavenly home. When " the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall bo raised in- corruptible," how radiant and glorious a celestial body will emerge from that sepulchre, and " be caught up to meet the Lord!" Susan Allibone was born in the city of Philadelphia, July '29th, 1813. Her father, William, the son of Thomas and Esther Allibone, was also born in Philadelphia, March 4th, 1781, and departed this life, Nov. 18th, 1821. Her mother, Sarah, daughter of John and Sarah Smith, was born near Wrightstown, Bucks County, May 31st, 1784. Of this vene- rated parent, Susan always spoke in terms of enthusiastic admiration and affection. The diary and letters embraced in B 2* 18 MATERNAL INFLUENCE. this sketch show that no common bond united the mother and the children. And these unstudied, confidential outgushings of filial love and reverence furnish a beautiful tribute to her parent's memory, and embody a graphic portraiture of her character. The subject of this memoir felt her own debt to maternal tenderness, fidelity, and wisdom to be a large one, and gladly and gratefully did she confess it. And what was the heart- wrench occasioned by the parting of the grave, when the mother was removed from the household which she cherished and adorned, will be best appreciated from her own touching language. The firm and decided character of the mother, her calm energy and excellent judgment, were admirably calculated to control and direct a temperament like that of Susan, naturally ardent and impetuous. Under her judicious, fostering care, Susan's infancy grew up to sprightly, ingenuous youth, and youth expanded into sensitive, warm-hearted womanhood. A large family of brothers and sisters contributed to each other's happiness, and the ties of aifectionate interest among all the members of the family were strong and abiding. Fixed, sterling principle was prominent in the mother's cha- racter, and was, with God's blessing, successfully imparted to her children. Truth, integrity, benevolence, and kindness were inculcated by example as jvell as precept, and the mother was spared long enough to reap a very precious reward of her cares and solicitudes. Susan gave early indications of an active, vigorous intellect, and a warm, lively imagination. At school, her progress was satisfactory and rapid, and of her teacher she always spoke with great regard and affection. Her fondness for study and thirst for knowledge rendered it afterwards a sore trial, when the failure of her health required the abandonment of severe mental application. Her love of literature was absorbing, and she often luxu- riated, in some secluded reti-eat, in the quiet enjoyment of a WORKS OF FICTION. 19 favorite author. To her taste for the beautiful, and vivid imagination, poetry was exceedingly attractive, — neither is it to be wondered at that works of fiction had their charm for her early years. But after she knew Christ, or rather was known of him, she gave a striking evidence of the reality and firmness of her new principles, in the entire renunciation of this fascinating literature. The suspicion that a practice was injurious to the spiritual character, and hostile to growth in grace, was always enough to determine her course. She resolutely acted upon her convictions of duty, at whatever immediate sacrifice, and never hesitated to forego any grati- fication upon which she could not ask the blessing of God. The subjoined letter to a friend alludes to her early fond- ness for such seductive works, and gives her matured judgment respecting this indulgence : — "The pamphlet thee playfully sent me, dear , I have thus long detained, not that it might receive an attentive perusal, but from a desire to accompany it with an expression of affectionate interest, of which dear sister's pen must be the medium. A formal criticism upon works of fiction I do not wish to give thee. I must not forget how much I once delighted in these polluted streams. It is in sor- row, not in anger, that I would persuade my friends to forsake them. The river of life, dear , yields purer and more refreshing waters, and of these alone may we drink and be satisfied. Oh ! taste and see that the Lord is gracious. Let experience test the blessedness of religion, and then will thee confirm my testimony, that one hour of its enjoyment is of greater value than all the pleasures of earth. The happiness of the Christian is not all prospective. God gives his children the earnest of his promised inheritance, and they regard with compassionate tenderness those around them who amuse them- selves with trifles here, and are quite unfurnished for the world to come. ' We must all stand before the judgment-seat of Christ.' And how shall I then feel, if I be not faithful in the discbarge of my responsibility towards one who is united to me by the ties of kindred ? Pray, my dear , for a realization of eternal things. The dream of earthly pleasure cannot last for ever. It will be fear- ful, indeed, to awake in a dying hour or in a world of wo ! Jesus of Nazareth passeth by; beseech Him to enter thy heart: He will 20 LATER. TUDGMENT. wash away its sins, and fill it with holy joy. It will know no longer the restlessness of ennui, but will rest in peace upon the Rock of Ages. There will be joy in the presence of the angels of God, and then will fervent thanksgiving ascend from the heart of thy friend." The following interesting reference to her feelings at this period of her life, is taken from an unfinished letter addressed to the pupils of a Female Seminary : — " My school-days have passed away, but not so nay sympathy with the warm feelings and bright hopes of a young heart. I would not harshly reprove its wayward imaginings, nor rudely awake it from its day-dreams. I would not speak only of the stern realities of life, and the disappointments which so often crush the buoyant spirit. Oh, no ! my young friends. I would tell you first of ' Him who was lifted up from the earth that He might draw all men unto Him.' How ardently /once desired some source of happiness, which I found not in myself, nor the objects which surrounded me ; and how did I strive to satisfy this longing of the soul by recourse to the fictions of other minds, and the romantic aspirations of my own ! I saw at once that the pleasures of the world did not even promise enjoy- ment; for the unmeaning conversation, and idle pursuits of the cir- cles of gaiety, were to me scarcely more interesting than the toj's of childhood. I endeavoured to acquire knowledge, and though my intellectual possessions were very limited, it was my delight to add to them a little more. I knew there was no resting-place upon the hill of science, but its rugged ascent presented attractions which urged me to journey on. But there was still a painful void : I had a spiritual nature, and it was not at hCme in any sublunary pursuit. The Holy Spirit, who marked my ineffectual research, then graciously vouchsafed me light enough to show me that I had lost my way, and I resolved to seek my Heavenly Father's blessing." Writing long afterward to a young person obliged by ill health to desist from study, she says : — "I remember well how many tears I shed when I was subjected to this trial, for it was my earnest desire to acquire vast stores of informa- tion, but I felt even then that there was one subject of investigation more important than all the resources of human literature." CHAPTER II. 1833. First Religious Impressions — Discouragement — Conversion — Dr. Be- dell's Ministry — Baptism — First Approach to the Lord's Table — Confirmation — Love for the Episcopal Church and Liturgy — Catholic Spirit — St. Andrew's, Philadelphia — Evangelical Views, The era of the believer's second birth — of the commence- ment of the new, the immortal life, hid with Christ in God — with what interest will it be invested throughout eternity ! With what delighted wonder will the glorified saint review each step of the way in which the Lord led his servant, emerging from nature's darkness into marvellous light, and discover the amazing wisdom and love which directed his goings. In the experience of some of God's children, the transition is marked and sudden from death in trespasses and sins to newness of life. The conviction of sin is sharp and agonizing, and the believing view of the Lamb of God is im- mediately attended with such emotions of relief and joy, that the circumstances of the change are manifest, and the hour discernible. But among those familiarized, from early youth, with the truths of redemption, this is not the ordinary method of the Spirit's operation. Silently and imperceptibly, the truth, that had been known to the intellect, stirs the con- science, engages the affections, and penetrates the heart. Like the natural husbandry, there is first the blade, then the ear, then the full corn in the ear. The influx of the divine light is not like the tropical sun-rise, flooding the landscape, a little while before buried in night's obscurity, with an almost instantaneous and overpowering radiance ; but like the unveiling of the same bright orb in more temperate, but not less favored regions, the dawn advances with a progress (21) 22 CONVERSION. [1833. almost imperceptible, until the perfect day gladdens the re- joicing \\-orld. Thus it was with the eminent Christian whose deep religious experience, whose ripeness in knowledge and grace will be presented in the following pages, chiefly through the medium of her own unconscious pen. Her conversion was not one marked by sudden transitions and violent emotions. Like Lydia's, her heart was gently opened by the Spirit of truth, and the conclusion that she was herself a new creature in Christ Jesus was the result of calm reflection, and the review of a change that had been many months in progress. Com- paring her present with her former self, she recognized, with tremulous hope, and joy mingled with solicitude, cheering in- dications that she had been the subject of divine grace, and was confirmed in her purpose of devoting herself to the Lord. Upon this point she remarks, in her own Diary (under date of February 17th, 1833) : " I am often grieved that I have not experienced deeper convictions of sin, and stronger feelings of repentance ; but I desire to experience any feelings that may be profitable. I will not be discouraged on that account, especially as my re- ligious feelings have been so very gradual. The conviction of being an object of the displeasure of God has weighed heavily upon my mind during the j>ast year or two ; and as I have recently become sensible of a more peaceful state of mind than I have ever before enjoyed, I will trust that a saving change has commenced in my heart, and that it will not, be long ere more light be given me." The religious sentiments of Miss Allibone were put to the test of protracted and distressing illness, and were intimately connected, in the minds of her friends, with the confinement and pain by which they were so beautifully illustrated ; but they were not, at their commencement, the fruit of broken health, and enforced seclusion. On the contrary, she turned from the world when it lay all bright and tempting before 1833.] DR. EEDELL'S MINISTRY. 23 her, and chose the Lord for her portion before she knew the tedium and distress of the invalid's chamber. In one of her letters, commending her Saviour's love, occurs the remark, " She might suppose that suffering had driven me to this re- fuge ; but I felt that it alone is a resting-place, before I felt the influence of disease." Her attention seems to have been first arrested bj a ser- mon which she heard, at the age of sixteen, on the text, " The wages of sin is death." So much was she impressed by it, that she was induced to seek the society of Christians, in the hope of obtaining that encouragement and guidance, of which she now felt the need. In this hope she was disap- pointed. Her thirst for religious knowledge was not satisfied, and her salutary impressions grew by degrees fainter. The remembrance of this stage in her spiritual history, and of the loss and discouragement which she sustained, by the want of Christian counsel and invitation to communicate her own feelings, exerted a decided influence upon her religious life. She dreaded lest she herself should thus quench the aspira- tions of any awakened soul, and especially of any youthful seeker after salvation ; and hence she was ready, not only to welcome the introduction, but to anticipate the all-important subject. Her heart was overflowing with love for the souls of all around her, and out of the abundance of the heart her mouth spake constantly, aff"ectionately, and persuasively. She formed the habit of introducing religion into all her conver- sations and letters, and combined fidelity and plainness with such winning gentleness and cordial sympathy, that none could be ofiended. The Lord God gave her the tongue of the learned, that she might speak a word in season to those that were weary. Her desires for peace with God were again rekindled, and she found special blessing and comfort from the ministry of the Rev. Dr. Bedell, Rector of St. Andrew's Church. The labors of that devoted servant of God formed an era in the 24 BAPTISM. [1833. religious history of the city in which his lot was cast. He "preached the gospel with the Holy Ghost sent down from heaven," and "hy manifestation of the truth, commended himself to every conscience, in the sight of God." And among the many precious souls who will be his "joy and crown of rejoicing, in the day of the Lord Jesus," is the sub- ject of this memoir. The faithful pastor and the docile mem- ber of his flock now hymn together the praises of Him who loved them, and washed them from their sins in his own blood. On the 31st of January, 1833, being then in the twentieth year of her age, she received baptism at the hands of Dr. Bedell. The first entry in her Diary, bearing date February 2d, 1833, thus alludes to this solemn and interesting event : " With a grateful heart do I make this record of my feel- ings. It constitutes but one among the many attempts I have made to keep a Diary. Hitherto, my feelings have been so complicated, and often so inexplicable, that their retro- spect has afforded me little gratification. I trust their nature is now changed, and that the same grace which has thus far influenced my heart will bring it into a state of complete sub- jection, so that I may henceforth daily rejoice in the mercy of my Heavenly Father, and become more and more opposed to aught that is repugnant to His will. " I have made a solemn vow to devote my heart and life to His service, and w^as induced to do so by a conviction that strength would be given me for its fulfilment. I trust that the feelings of solemnity induced by a sense of the important step I have taken, may be ever vividly traced on my memory." In her Diary, January 31st, 1834, she remarks : " This day, a year ago, my dear and I were baptized. I entered into such solemn obligations, trusting in the streno-th of my Saviour, and truly can I say, ' Hitherto hath the Lord helped me.' " It was, indeed, a sincere, unreserved surrender that she 1833.] BAPTISM. 25 made of herself to the Lord, in his appointed ordinance ; and the covenant into which she then publicly entered w .s, ii all things, "well ordered and sure." None who knew her can doubt that she " witnessed a good confession," and how well she fulfilled her solemn promise and vow, to "fight manfully under Christ's banner, and continue his faithful soldier and servant, unto her life's end," all could testify. She led, in- deed, "the rest of her life according to that beginning.' The duty of a public profession of their faith, by all who are intent on the kingdom of heaven, and who indulge a hope of salvation, was to her mind perfectly evident. Her correspondence will show how faithfully she urged this obligation upon those whom she counselled. The step which she herself took from conscience towards God, and from the desire to render full obedience to her Saviour's commands, and which she was fully convinced had brought her rich spi- ritual blessings, she earnestly commended to all who were seeking the way of life. And representations of the binding and sacred character of this duty, and of the benefits that would flow from its right performance, came with much power and efi"ect from one so spiritually-minded. That there is no necessary connection between divinely-appointed forms and formality, and that the way of obedience is the way of peace and holiness, was made evident by her own example. Miss Allibone's early associations, it may be here remarked, were, to a considerable extent, with the Society of Friends. She numbered many endeared intimates and family connections among that people, and in her letters and conversation was accustomed frequently to use their characteristic language. The next entry in her Diary, which, from this time, w&s kept up, for some years, with little interruption, records her feelings of anxiety in reference to her first approach to the Lord's table : ^^ February Ath. — I was not aware until Saturday afternoon that I was expected to take the Sacrament the next day. I 3 26 THE lord's TABLE. [1833. felt greatly agitated, as I feared my mind was not prepared for so solemn an ordinance. I made several unsuccessful efforts to see Dr. Bedell, with a determination to tell him the nature of my feelings, and to be guided then by his advice. As I could not see him, I felt very uneasy on the subject, and my rest "was much disturbed. I did not dare to refuse the privilege, and feared to accept it. I almost concluded, however, to accept it before going to church. I had then an opportunity of seeing Dr. Bedell, and my resolution was con- firmed. I have never before experienced feelings of so solemn a nature. I now rejoice that I acted as I did. I was as- sured of the sincerity of my heart, and trusted to God for the rest. May I ever be enabled to trust in His mercy. I have so little faith. I trust it will be increased. I feel the most heartfelt desire to know more of spiritual things. I am perfectly willing to give up the world, and even all my friends, and my life, if it be God's will, and yet I feel so ignorant, and so very sinful : my mind has been so much confused dur- ing the past week. I pray Thee, oh, my Heavenly Father, to give me more faith in Thee ; to take away every enjoy- ment and every desire opposed to Thy will ; to enable me to love Thee supremely ; to perform every duty in the most conscientious manner, and to delight in Thy word, in Thy people, and in prayer to Thee. Teach me to love my Bible better than all other books. " I feel very thankful that I am so surrounded by friends, and, above all, that my beloved parent is so disposed to en- courage my endeavours to perform my duty." " 3Ionday, Feb. 12th. — I have endured severe suffering. I have experienced so much kindness during my short indis- position, and have passed so many happy moments, that I can recur to it with pleasure. I have been reading Baxter's Saints' Rest, and have derived both pleasure and profit from its perusal. What would once have induced me to read such 1833.] SELF-EXAMINATION. 27 a book ! It would have seemed too dry and prosing for endurance. " There is nothing equal to religion. One moment of its enjoyment is worth more than all the pleasures of the world. If, with the limited experience I have had of its influence, such is my conviction, how happy, how joyful must be those who are wholly devoted to its service ! I trust that I shall improve every day. To become a devoted Christian is the earnest desire of my heart, and I do believe that God will make me one. My heart is not now in the right state, and I sometimes fear it never will be, but I would yet trust in Him who is the light of my countenance, and my God. How grateful I feel for His exceeding mercy !" '■'■February 17th. — I was prcvcjnted by the inclemency of the weather from attending church on Friday evening, and regretted it much, for I especially enjoy our lectures, there is so much spirituality in them. Yesterday I felt unusually happy : I am too much disposed to check such feelings from a fear that they are not the result of self-knowledge. I sus- pect that I may thereby account for the depression I some- times feel. I heard a sermon, this morning, on the danger of self-dependence. I do trust that I shall be gifted with more humility : so much danger is incurred by the slightest approach to self-righteousness, and I trust that I shall never be guided in matters of conscience by the opinion of the world. This afternoon I heard a blessed sermon from Dr. B. His text was, "I press toward the mark," and was ad- dressed to professors of religion chiefly. He urged the im- portance of a correct estimate of our spiritual condition. I have most earnestly endeavored to attain it : I am sure of this much, that I have been induced to make a profession of religion by a conviction of duty, and a sincere desire to en- list myself among the followers of Christ, with a willingness to incur all risk, and to make every needful sacrifice ; that I would gladly renounce every pursuit in which I ever have, 28 THE lord's TABLE. [1833. or continue to delight, if convinced that my eternal interest would be thereby advanced. I am convinced of my incapa- city to do right, and am able to trust in Christ for my re- demption, though I often feel that my faith is very weak." " Fehruary 26th. — I am not often able to write even a few lines, as I almost invariably increase the pain in my shoulder by doing so. I have experienced much mercy with- in the past week or two, and many feelings for which I de- sire to be very grateful. I enjoyed Sunday very much. I always observe that when I feel in the morning a very warm desire to perform my duty, and pray earnestly that T may be enabled to do so, I pass an unusually happy day." Her Diary gives very early indication of that close and faithful self-examination, which was ever a marked feature of her character as a Christian. Her fervent petition was often uttered in the Psalmist's words, " Search me, 0 God, and know my heart : try me, and know my thoughts, and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." To her conscientious performance of this self-denying duty was doubtless greatly owing her rapid growth in grace, and eminent holiness. Where friends saw every thing to admire, she found much to condemn. While they were commending her devotion and consistency, she was humbling herself before a holy God for her sins and short-comings. Thus her conscience was kept tender, and she walked humbly with her God. Thus she writes — " 3Iarch 5th. — On one occasion had cause to regret the levity of my conduct. I attended the communion table on Sunday, and was profited thereby. My conduct on Saturday was very inconsistent. I indulged in feelings of anger, and attempted to justify myself to myself by the plea that I was wronged. There can certainly be no excuse for me. I thought I perhaps ought not to take the Sacrament, but I felt so very penitent, and so desirous to be preserved from 1833.] CONFIRMATION. ,..29 similar sins, that I persevered in my intention, and am glad that I did. " I dearly love the house of God, and am very grateful for the comfort and edification I receive from my attendance there. I shall be very thankful if my health should be so restored as to enable me to attend more regularly. I desire most earnestly to be resigned to the dispensations of God, whatever they may be, and I am aware that by patient sub- mission to these dispensations, it may be a means of benefit. We had a very solemn lecture this evening. I felt so earn- est a desire that my sisters and some of my friends who were present, should be profited. I think I feel more interest in the salvation of others. " I have had a great deal of trouble with my temper of late. I have several times yielded to very un amiable feel- ings, and have suffered severely on account of it. I have determined, in the strength of the Lord, that I will overcome my faults, and become gentle and forbearing. I will make this a subject of daily prayer, and I know that grace Avill be given me to succeed. " I had a conversation with Dr. Bedell last Thursday. I told him that I could not experience as great a degree of as- surance as I thought I ought to feel. He asked me if I thought I should be condemned if God were to remove me from the world. I told him certainly not. He then asked me, where then I expected to go. I felt very grateful for his advice, and found it profitable. I ought to have more faith. ' Lord, I btelieve, help thou mine unbelief.' " ^^ March 4itli. — The ordinance of Confirmation was admi- nistered on Sunday. It was to me a most solemn day. I forgot that all eyes were upon me, and remembered only the All-seeing eye. I so deeply felt my own unworthiness, that I was tempted to fear to number myself among the followers of Christ ; but, surely, He who has given m.e grace to make a profession of religion, will give me grace to sustain it. My 3* 1 30 CONFIRMATION. [1833. dear mother and sisters were present, and I offered a fervent prayer that they might never witness any inconsistency in my conduct that could prejudice them against the cause in which I have engaged, and that I might be rendered an in- strument of grace to them. We had a sermon in the after- noon calculated to be of great advantage. The remarks up- on the regulation of the temper were excellent. I have thought and prayed a great deal on this subject, and I feel very grateful to my Heavenly Father that He has enabled me, in many instances, to resist the temptations I have had to yield to improper feelings of anger and unkindness. There is much still to be conquered, and I pray for grace to strive and strive until, through Christ, I am conqueror. I enjoy prayer more than ever before, and humbly trust that I am growing in grace, and in the knowledge of Christ. How much more rapid might be my advancement, were I disposed to pray without ceasing, and ever strive against evil ! We had a lecture this morning on the subject of con- formity. It was excellent, and I trust I shall long remem- ber it. I am reading Bickersteth on Prayer. I have found it a great benefit, and would recommend it to every one. It gives such encouraging views of prayer. ^^April 8th. — The past week has been to me very interest- ing. Last Thursday we had the last of the delightful prayer- meetings that have continued through Lent. I felt quite affected. I have enjoyed them so much, and trust that I have profited by them, though I have cause to deplore many wanderings of heart, while apparently engaged in the most solemn duties. On Good Friday, the first that ever seemed to me any more than a holiday, not a holi/ day^ I attended church twice. In the morning, the subject of the sermon was the necessity of profound humility, and entire depend- ence on the merits of Christ, and proved that all intellectual pride must be subdued. I thought all my pride was gone, and was grieved to find that a degree of it was still abiding 1833.] DIARY. 31 in my heart. Of all others, I have least cause of pride, and I Avouder that I am not humbled to the dust. I returned home in much distress, and earnestly prayed that God would implant within my heart a spirit of deep humility. This dreadful temptation soon left me, and I do trust that it is my soul's desire to be entirely subservient to the will of my Maker, and to know more of the depravity of my nature. " The Saturday evening prayer-meeting was very solemn. I felt so peaceful. Yesterday the communion was adminis- tered. Dr. B. requested those who had never before com- muned, to come forward alone, and gave them a deeply im- pressive exhortation. I trust I shall always remember its solemnity, and I prayed that we might one day glorify toge- ther in heaven. Him whose death we were commemorating on earth. How solemn is this ordinance ! God grant that I may never receive it unworthily. I love to pray, and desire to be ever in the spirit of prayer. I have been unusually contented this week, and think I have enjoyed prayer more than ever before." Of the sincerity, earnestness, and dependence upon God, with which the course of Susan Allibone, as a professed dis- ciple of Christ, began, we have in the foregoing lines the clearest evidence. The varied steps of her Christian expe- rience, the lights and shadows that fell upon her pathway, were truthfully inscribed upon the pages of the Diary which she kept for her own edification, but from which we now ven- ture to cull large extracts for the benefit of others. As a sensitive and shrinking female, she might have deprecated this exposure of her unstudied pencillings, the confidential outpourings of the soul to itself and its God. But as one Avhose supreme desire was to glorify her Redeemer, and win souls to Jesus, she would doubtless merge, without hesitation, all personal considerations in the great object of magnifying Christ. And no other hand can like her own do justice to the reality and depth of her spiritual exercises, and to the 32 CATHOLIC SPIRIT. [1833. gradual development and growing beauty of lier Christian graces. From the date of her connexion with the visible Church of Christ, as above recorded, she continued a warmly-attached communicant of the Episcopal Church ; and the tie formed, in the fervor of her first love, with St. Andrew's, Philadelphia, continued unbroken until death. She happily exhibited that most desirable combination of zealous, aifectionate preference for her own communion, with genuine, large-hearted sympathy towards all who "loved the Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity." "Wherever she recognized the image of Christ, she looked upon it Avith pleasure and gratitude. Truly Catholic were her feelings towards all Christian bodies who held the great Head. Yet while full of charitable allowance for honest dif- ferences of opinion, she could never connive at the confound- ing of truth and error, nor surrender her own convictions of the teachings of the word of God. She was at once the faithful, loving child of her own Church, and the liberal, candid, fellow-disciple of all whom she felt to be brethren in like precious faith. Narrow, intolerant bigotry, and lax in- diiference, were alike foreign to her character. Her prefer- ence for her own household of faith never made her blind to the excellencies of real Christians of other names. Yet that preference was decided, and grew stronger with increasing knowledge of the word of God, and of the admirable adapta- tion of the services and provisions of the Church to her varying exigencies. ^ In a letter, dated 1834, she writes to a sister: — "Sunday I should not have desired to spend at home, but I was not without a blessing, though I could not go to the sanctuary. I read our communion-service with an increasing conviction of its solemnity and propriety. Are you not thankful that our steps have been guided into the fold, in which we have found such green pastures ? I hope we shall be enabled to realize more fully that of us, unto whom much is given, much 1833.] THE LITURGY. 33 will be required. We ouglit to offer continually the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and to pay our vows unto the Most High." The Liturgy of the Church was . very precious to Miss Allibone. It furnished a meet channel for the holy breath- ings of her soul, and aided her spirit in its soarings heaven- ward. While permitted to engage in the devotions of the sanctuary, its prayers and praises were to her soul a feast of fat things, a table richly furnished in the wilderness. And when increasing illness shut her out from the services of the Lord's house, her prayer-book was her constant companion, and the delightful solace of her chamber of sickness. In her own volume she inscribed the words of Dr. Adam Clark : "Next to the Bible, the Prayer-Book is the book of my understanding and my choice." The experience of Miss Allibone, of the blessed adaptation of the Liturgy, is in per- fect accordance with that of the devout and spiritually-minded Simeon. Of the service in his College chapel, he remarks, in sketching the commencement of his religious life : — " The service in our chapel has almost at all times been very irre- verently performed ; but such was the state of my soul for many months from that time, that the prayers were as mar- row and fatness to me. Of course, there was a great diifer- ence in my frames at difierent times ; but for the most part they were very devout, and often, throughout the greater part of the service, I prayed unto the Lord with strong crying and tears. This is a proof to me that the deadness and formality complained of in the worship of the Church, arise far more from the low state of our graces, than from any defect in our Liturgy. If only we had our hearts deeply penitent and contrite, I know from my experience at this hour, that no prayers in the world could be better suited to our wants, or more delightful to our souls." To St. Andrew's Church, Miss Allibone's heart ever clung with undiminished love. Its ministrations were associated c r 34 ST. ANDREW'S, PHILADELPHIA. [UB33. ■with her early impressions of the things that are unseen and eternah There she had found the peace which the world cannot give, and uttered her vows of self-consecration to her Lord. The word there preached with so much unction hj the revered Bedell had come with life and power to her soul ; and, after she began to know the Lord, the ministry of the same faithful ambassador, and of his like-minded suc- cessor, the Rev. John A. Clark, contributed to her steady advance in the knowledge and love of Christ. He, to whom her soul was lifted up in earnest devotion, sent her help from the sanctuary, and strengthened her out of Zion. And the temple in which she had so often tasted of the loving-kind- ness of the Lord was very dear to her soul. She regarded it as her spiritual home, esteemed its different pastors very highly in love, and maintained with them a confidential in- tercourse after she was debarred from attending their public services. This attachment was as truly based upon enlightened con- viction, as upon early affectionate association. The exposi- tions of the Gospel, which she there heard, commended them- selves to her conscience as sound and scriptural. The evangelical views of religion which she adopted, under the instructions of her earliest pastors, she never saw reason to change. The more deeply she studied the Divine Word, and the greater need she felt of the sustaining power of its. truths in the time of suffering, the stronger and more decided became her convictions upon this point. No memoir would do justice to her sentiments, or be entitled to confidence as a fair exhi- bition of her character, that left out of view her clearly-defined opinions. There was nothing negative or indifferent in the temper of Miss Allibone's mind. Her disposition was not one to leave important subjects unsettled, or questions of real moment unexamined. She sought to form her views from the word of God, and when convinced of their truth she held 1833.} EVANGELICAL VIEWS. 35 them Tvith firm, lyii'elaxmg grasp. Charity and kindness for those who differed from her, never led her to undervalue or concede aught that she was persuaded was part of God's reve- lation. Most earnestly did her soul embrace the great foun- dation-truth, that " we are accounted righteous before God, only for the merit of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, by Faith, and not for our own works and deservings." "That we are justified by Faith only" was, to her spiritual taste, "a most wholesome doctrine, and very full of comfort," "yea, sweeter than honey and the honey-comb." She loved to look at the Lord Jesus Christ, and to speak of Him, and praise Him, as "the Lord our righteousness;" and renouncing all works, graces and merits of her own, she found herself "com- plete in Him." From her first experimental acquaintance with the truth as it is in Jesus, and from the hour of her baptismal profession, up to the closing triumph of her death-bed, she was of one mind, fixed and unwavering in her adherence to those doc- trinal views with which are inseparably connected, in the American Episcopal Church, the names of Griswold and Be- dell: while, at the same time, the loving spirit, the "most excellent gift of charity," so pervades and hallows all her effusions, that no one can doubt that her heart was large enough to comprehend brethren and friends who saw not with her eye to eye, and that for them also her fervent prayers and benedictions never ceased to flow. CHAPTER III. 1833. Ill health — Fortitude and Submission — Letters to Suffering Friends — Efforts to do Good — Enjoyment of the Beauties of Nature — Temora — Dr. Bedell's Illness — Birth-day Reflections. The greater part of Miss Allibone's life was passed in the chamber of sickness, and upon the bed of pain. Physical suffering, and that of no common severity, was her lot. A torturing malady caused her sleepless nights and wearisome days, cut her off from the enjoyments of active life, and made her a prisoner and an invalid. To those upon whom life's bright morn is opening, such a visitation is peculiarly trying ; and to one endued with a disposition so lively and energetic, the privations of sickness would have seemed, we might fancy, almost insupportable. A few weeks or months of such debility and agony as were her frequent portion, would have exhausted the patience of many a sufferer. In her case it was not for months, but for year after year, that the heavy hand of disease lay upon her. In her twentieth year she began to suffer from a spinal affection, and the year that followed was one of extreme physical anguish. In January, 1834, after a consultation of physicians, she was advised to confine herself to her chamber, and was in- duced to submit to very painful remedies. Her Diary and letters will show the submissiveness of her spirit to a dispen- sation so trying. But others than herself could best appre- ciate her surprising fortitude and unmurmuring cheerfulness. To say that she was wholly resigned to her Father's will would convey but a faint idea of the reality. There was a lively satisfaction with the dealings of her Almighty Friend, a calm confidence in his love, a chastened joy, an unbroken f36) 1833.] ILL-HEALTH. 37 serenity that, to be appreciated, must have been witnessed. She was one who " rejoiced in tribulation." She not only bowed to the rod, but kissed it. She exemplified, beautifully and strikingly, one of her favorite texts, " Strengthened with all might, according to Ilis glorious power, unto all pa- tience and long-suffering, with joyfulness." The sunshine of her soul was constantly beaming from her bright and peaceful countenance, and lighting up her apartment with its hallowed radiance. With her sick-room there were no associations of gloom and sadness. No murmur of fretfulness or repining was ever heard there, no expression of impatience or discon- tent escaped her lips. Even to the youthful and the gay, it wab an attractive spot, redolent of affectionate words, bright looks and delightful intercourse. Her apartment, as was said of the Rev. E. Bickcrstcth's during his illness, was " a chamber of light, and love, and peace, and praise." Those who are familiar with prolonged illness — who know the ten- dency of continued and excessive suffering to depress the spirit, and sadden the countenance — who know how the invalid becomes morbidly engrossed with his own ailments, and com- paratively indifferent to all beside, cannot but admire the effects of divine grace in her uniform patience, cheerfulness, sympathy with others, and forgetfulness of self. One of the first allusions to her ill-health, in her Diary, is dated '■'■May 10th, 1833. — I have been unable to write. I am well convinced that it is good for me to be afflicted, and I do not even desire to suffer less, if I am thereby enabled to grow in grace. ' Sweet are the uses of adversity.' Last Sunday was communion-day, and I could not go to church. I was very, very much disappointed, but felt very thankful that I had not to go out of my chamber to obtain a blessing." "'■June Wih. — Have not felt well all day, and now feel almost bowed down under my often infirmities ; head feels strangely ; pain along my spine, breast and side, and feel quite sick. I want to see my mother — I am sick at heart — 4 38 FORTITUDE AND SUBMISSION. [1833. I want somebody to pet me. How mucli better would it be for me to look to my Heavenly Father for strength to endure patiently the suffering with which He sees good to afflict me. I trust that, at the last day, I may be found among those of whom it is said, ' And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain, for the former things are passed away.' " Through the grace of my Heavenly Father, I have been enabled to bless Him for my sufferings, because I know they conduce to my spiritual welfare. I have often, and I think I may say generally, enjoyed more peace of mind when con- fined by sickness, than when in comparative health, for I have not been quite well for a long time. It seems to me that I feel, every day, an increasing affection for the people of God, and I am sometimes disposed to be encouraged by this. ' We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren.' It is a peculiar sentiment, such as others have never had the power to excite. I feel myself so inferior to those who are truly pious, and yet so desirous to be like them. Oh! I am but a beginner in the Christian race — a very child ; yet if I only believe, I know that no good thing shall be wanting. How much cause have I to lament my un- belief! Truly it may be said o£me, ' 0 thou of little faith.' My hourly prayer is, 'Lord, increase my faith.' " ^^ August 22(7. — I have not been able to scribble even a few lines, for a long time, and am scarcely able to write now. During the greater part of the last two weeks I have been con- fined to my bed, and am still a prisoner, with no prospect of immediate release, as for several weeks, I expect, the doctor will continue his applications. This prospect would seem dreary, especially as I am thereby depi'ived of my long an- ticipated visit to Bucks County ; but I am very thankful that I have been enabled to say in my heart, ' It is good for me that I have been afflicted.' . I have felt cheerful and happy; 1833.] CONSOLATION. 39 and with liumility would add that I trust I have been enabled to grow in grace, and in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. I have sought, and can truly say I have found 'grace to help in time of need.' I love to pray, better than before, and can often feel that my prayers are heard. I feel as though the truths contained in Scripture were more deeply impressed upon my mind ; and the atonement of my Saviour is clear to my view as the knowledge of my existence, though I never in my life have doubted it for a single moment. I do also trust that I have been enabled to accept Him as my Saviour, and believe that my love for Him, and my faith in Him, will be increased. It is the earnest and almost con- tinual prayer of my heart that it may be so. " How much I need ! How strange it is that I can ever forget that the eye of God is on us all the day, or should ever, for a moment, suffer myself to love the world, and the things of the world, so well as I sometimes do. How incon- sistent, how unworthy I am ! yet now that I confess it, I do not feel it as I ought. 'When I turn mine eyes within, Oh how dark, and vain, and wild, Prone to unbelief and sin, Can I deem myself thy child V "Yes, my Heavenly Father, I feel that I am — that thou art drawing me nearer and nearer to thyself, and that I shall yet rejoice in Him who is the help of my countenance, and my God. Oh, take away those lurking clouds of unbelief — take away this mournful proneness to sin ! *' ' The dearest idol I have known, Whate'er that idol be, Help me to tear it from Thy throne, And worship only Thee,' is the sincere prayer of my heart, and surely it will be answered." 40 SUBMISSION. [1833. To a friend slie -writes : " It would grieve me much to learn that thy ailments have in- creased, were I not well persuaded, from continued experience, that every trial composes part of the process employed by our Heavenly Father for the purification of our hearts ; and while we are merci- fully enabled to realize this truth, we shall learn to 'glory in tribu- lation/ knowing that its end will be ' the love of God shed abroad in the heart,' its reward ' an eternal weight of glory.' I am most grateful that to us has been granted a desire to exercise unqualified submission to the will of God ; and I feel assured that while he will spare us no trial needful for our good, we shall always be enabled to realize that his strength will be made perfect in our weakness." To another she writes: ''I was surprised to hear of thy sickness, I was about to say sorry, but I am not, for I trust thee will find that it has been blessed to thee. One hour of severe pain is enough to convince us of the in- sufficiency of the world and its vanities to cheer and sustain us; and our Heavenly Father is so merciful as to send us frequent lessons of the kind, to wean us from all other dependence, and to teach us to rely upon Him alone. Thee seemed so sad when thee was in town. If thee judges me worthy of thy confidence, write to me, and tell me the reason; I can at least pray for thee. I am sorry thee cannot overcome thy reluctance to converse on the subject which so much occupies thy thoughts. I know, from experience, that this is a great obstacle to our growth in grace. Oh, what a blessed thing it is that we have a Counsellor on high, who ^understands the language of a sigh ' the falling of a tear, the upward glancing of an eye,' where no eye rests upon us but His own; that when 'we know not what to pray for as we ought, the Holy Spirit maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.' " Counsels of submissiveness, from the pen of Susan Alli- bone, were clothed with power. Iler friends saw in her the living example of what she urged ; and while they marvelled at the grace given lier patiently to endure the afflictive will of God, they could not but lay to heart her affectionate per- suasives to resignation and acquiescence under their own trials. 1833.] SUBMISSION. 41 In illustration of tlic impression produced upon those who visited her couch of languishing, the following extract is made from a letter of condolence, received, after her decease, from a highly esteemed friend : " I have often been struck by the unselfishness of your sister. Most persons, aflfiicted as she was, would have had but one topic for her friends, would have spoken of nothing but their own trials; whereas, unless I asked her if she suffered much pain, she would not say a word on the subject, and always, if I introduced it, ran into some happy allusion to the support she experienced, the goodness of God to her, or somewhat of the kind. But she was keenly alive to the troubles and afflictions of others ; and however trivial they might be, compared with her own, she seemed vastly more affected by them." The reader will therefore bear in mind that the allu- sions to suffering and illness, which occur in the following pages, are from one of uncommon fortitude and patience, habitually uncomplaining under excessive weakness and painfulness. It was in spite of the languor and debility of disease that she labored so earnestly for the spiritual good of others. In the earlier years of her Christian life, while yet permitted to participate in the worship of the sanctuary, she often sought out her friends to induce them to go with her to the place which she had found to be " none other than the house of God and the gate of heaven," And while scarce able to drag her own enfeebled body to the Lord's house, she could not forbear laborious exertions to bring to the same hallowed spot those whose souls were precious to her. At a later period, it was during intervals of relief from attacks of intense severity, and complete exhaustion, that she addressed her numerous correspondents in a manner so suited to their respective wants. Rising above all considerations of self, she entered, with her whole heart, into their trials and perplexities, joys and sorrows, hopes and fea,rs, and wrote or dictated the welcome effusions of her sympathy and love. 4* 42 ENJOYMENT OP NATURE. [1833. Iler letters, which Avill constitute a large part of the present work, need no commendatory preface. Their sentiment and feeling, their appropriateness and expressiveness, their happy introduction of the truths and texts of Scripture, their grace- ful, unstudied ease, and striking originality of thought, will speak their own best eulogium. But as intellectual composi- tions they are more remarkable, from the circumstances under which they were written. They are not only the productions of an enlarged, cultivated, vigorous mind — the outpourings of a loving, affectionate heart, exhibiting throughout perfect refinement and delicacy of taste ; but they are the triumph of the active mind over the languishing body, of the willing spirit over the weak and sinking flesh, of expansive friendship and kindliness over the importunate claims of the diseased and shattered earthly tabernacle. The unwearied activity, sprightliness, and clearness of her mind under such burdens and clogs — its undiminished sympathy and outgoing affec- tion— its fertility of invention, justness of reasoning, felicity of illustration, and energy of action, are a striking evidence of the inherent superiority of mind, and its independence of matter, as well as of the sustaining grace of Him whose strength is made perfect in weakness. An intense enjoyment of the beauties of nature was one of the marked traits of Miss Allibone's character. With a vivid and ever fresh delight, she gazed upon the works of her Almighty Friend and Father. Her quick observing eye — her refined taste — her ready perception of the grand, the beautiful and the beneficent, fitted her to drink in high satisfaction from all the productions of creative wisdqm and goodness. But, above all, her warm and elevated piety en- hanced these gratifications. " My Father made them all," was an ever-present thought. She beheld the verdant land- scape not only as sparkling in the sunbeam, and fanned by the refreshing breeze, but as bathed in the sunlight of divine benevolence, and breathed upon by the spirit of the living 1833.] ENJOYMENT OF NATURE. 43 God. The field and the forest, with their joyous tenantry, canopied by the o'erarching firmament, whether rich with the deep azure of day, or radiant with the mysterious splendors of night, were, to her sanctified imagination, a glorious tem- ple consecrated by His presence who formed and sustains the whole. With glowing rapture her heart was lifted up to the great Architect, Preserver and Sovereign. In the leafy grove, or beside the gliding river, she loved to walk in soli- tude, for she walked with God, and held sweet converse with her unseen, ever-present Friend. And when increasing ill- ness deprived her of those excursions into the country, from which she had derived such exceeding enjoyment, instead of repining at the disappointment and loss, she found no less cause for admiration and gratitude in the tastefully arranged flowers that adorned her chamber, or the glimpse of sky and verdure that she could obtain through her window. The following letter will illustrate her vivid enjoyments of this kind : " I congratulate you, my dear cousin, upon the pleasurable feel- ings which have been awakened by the return of spring. I, too, love this season of birds and flowers, and bright sunshine ; and if my life be prolonged to await their coming, I earnestly desire that, with a prepared heart, I may welcome these beautiful gifts of our Heavenly Father's love. But I am not glad to see the winter pass away : very precious are its quiet days and long evenings ; and its snow-storms and leafless trees are to me peculiarly attractive. The western sky, too, has afforded me much enjoyment; the bright moonlight illumines my chamber, and sometimes I can see a few stars, and upon them I have always loved to look. Do you wonder at my taste ? Remember that I love your favorite season, too, and many a grateful feeling has been awakened by the pure air and modest flowers of spring. The lily of the valley is among her rich- est treasures; its fragrance reminds me of the holy influence the Christian should diffuse, and its pendent bells of that most blessed grace — humility. Near flowing streams, and in shady places, blooms this most beautiful of flowers. Oh, that we, too, may be ever re- freshed by the fountain of the water of life, and hide ourselves b^,- 44 T EM OR A. [1833. neath the shadow of the Cross. It was once one of my greatest de- lights to pass hours in the shady woods of summer, where I found one of the most sacred oratories I have ever visited. The musical sound of the gurgling stream ; the deep green foliage, and the soli- tude, which would have been profound, had not the wood-robin, or some other wild bird, poured forth its warblings, have often caused the chord of thanksgiving to vibrate, and enabled me, I trust, to make ' melody in my heart to the Lord.' I will not say how much I love the autumn, too ; for I have descanted enough upon the changing seasons. * * * " The rich treasures of wisdom and knowledge which are hid in Christ Jesus are objects of sufficient interest, and more than com- pensate for all the privations of sickness; and I have never for one moment regretted that I cannot revisit those scenes of former interest." * * * In her earlier days, one of her frequent and favorite ex- cursions was to a country-seat of her brother-in-laAV, in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. There her taste for rural beauties ■was fully gratified ; and the banks of the Neshamony were the scene of her frequent meditations. Much of her Diary, and many of her letters are dated at Temora, the name of this delightful and much-loved retreat. The first allusion to it in the Diary is dated '•'■May 31s^, 1833. — Left home yesterday morning. It is so refreshing to the spirit to return once more to the beauties of nature after a dreary imprisonmicnt in the walls of a city. And yet I should not say dreary^ for there I can enjoy the society I most desire ; and privileges, for the loss of which I cannot be fully compensated. I retired early, but not before I had most earnestly implored the blessing of my Heavenly Father upon my sojourn in the country, and prayed that the contemplation of the beauties of nature might elevate my feelings, and impress my heart. I must endeavor to overcome my habit of unprofitable imaginations and vain speculation, and I trust that I shall become more humble and believing. ^ " This morning is beautiful. The sun sliining brightly, 1833.] DR. bedell's illness. 45 and the birds singing in the trees. I arose about six, and wish to form a habit of early rising." " June 1st. — The sun has set, and this is my favorite por- tion of the day. This is the hour when memory takes a sur- vey of the past, and it is the most seasonable for reflection, and I do trust that I shall be enabled to render it profitable. I have wasted time enough in castle-building. I have always enjoyed a Sabbath in the country. In the solitude of na- ture, I have had impressions as serious as the eloquence of the pulpit ever had power to excite. You can then hold " communion sweet, communion large and high " with na- ture's God. I feel very much encouraged that I have been enabled, in a great degree, to overcome my habit of castle- building, and the indulgence of romantic visions of happi- ness, which has at times been so powerful as to destroy the interest I ought to feel for those rational pursuits, and to render me almost incapable of the exercise of my judgment. I have found the practical achievement of this victory more difficult than almost anything I ever undertook ; I do not despair, however, of entire success." ''June loth. — Mrs. W. tells me Dr. Bedell is so ill. Though I Avas well acquainted with his illness, I cannot get over it. Would that I had profited more by his instructions. I am under greater obligations to him than to any human being, and I confidently pray that he may receive a rich in- crease of that grace in which he has already so much cause to rejoice. May I at last meet him in heaven. I believe I shall, through the mercy of my Heavenly Father. " Sunday, Twilight. — 7 How sweetly the birds sing this afternoon. It would almost seem that they know it is the Sabbath, and were uniting their lively voices in one glad song of praise. I intended going to Mr. 's church, but there was no service, so I accompanied the girls to Wrightstown. I am sorry to say that I was not much pro- fited. I felt almost too weak and exhausted to sit in 46 BISHOP heber's letters. [1833. Friends' meeting at all, and I did not sufficiently endeavor to control my thoughts. I do feel very sorry for it, We have had company to-day, and my head aches so after din- ner that I feel as if I could not sit up, so I have wasted a great part of this Sahbath, and it may be the last I shall ever pass on earth. Oh, for a Sabbath of eternal rest ! I nsed to think I could not be happy in heaven, but I now feel so impatient to get there. Surely I shall, through the grace of our Saviour." " 27f A. — This afternoon I have been sitting under the pine-tree, reading Bishop Heber's Letters. How interesting they are ! They evince at once sensibility and religion. In reading of the difficulty of procuring clergymen in India, and the limited opportunities Christians there possess of at- tending religious worship, I was, I think, more forcibly struck with a sense of gratitude for the blessings I possess in this respect. They ought to be a source of constant thanksgiving ; and how great should be my improvement under such circumstances. Alas, how inadequate is it ! " This is the delightful hour of sunset. I do trust that I am growing in grace ; but I am so afraid of self-deception, and am so wavering, that I fear to make such a record." " Sunday, July 1th. — ' The light of Sabbath eve is fading fast away.' I have not spent it ^profitably, as I ought, and yet I have enjoyed a portion of it very much. I was not well enough to go out, and we have had no company, at least I have seen none. I do enjoy seclusion from the world, and if I could, at the same time, shut out vain thoughts, how glad I should be ! If I could but. for one hour banish every worldly imagination and incumbrance, it would be the most precious portion of my life. How can I ever think well of myself when I am obliged to make the confession, that I have never spent an hour as I should ? ' From flesh and sense I would be free, And hold communion, Lord, with thee.' 1833.] REFLECTIONS. 47 " It often makes me unhappy that I can do no more to aid the cause of religion ; but I know the desire is equally ac- ceptable to our Heavenly Father, and I trust that, if I should ever possess the power, tliere may be an equal readiness ; and, in the mean time, let me remember that I must not de- spise the day of small things, and though I cannot do much, I must always exert myself to do the best that my circum- stances allow. At least, I can pray that the cause may suc- ceed ; and that I Avill do, most fervently. " I feel this morning far from well, and in so much suffer- ing that no position seems to relieve me, and almost unable to exert myself; but I enjoy what is better than health, — peace of mind, that I trust proceeds from a right source. My prayer is that I may be encompassed with pain and in- firmity all my life, if I may be thereby led to consider my latter end, to grow in grace, and the knowledge of my natural depravity, and of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. I am engaged in reading William Penn's "No Cross, no Crown." What an excellent thing it is ! It contains some short bio- graphies of good men, that I find very interesting. "13f/i. — Nearly all of this week I have passed upon my couch, and have endured some of the most exquisite suffer- ings I have ever known ; but, upon an average, the week has been a happy one. I have had much pleasure in reading, and trust that I have also derived some benefit ; — certain it is that I have been far from unhappy. It is not true that the mind and body always sympathise, for I have often felt most happy when most afflicted. " 17th. — The sun will soon set. This is a lovely after- noon. I am sitting out on the lawn, and, while I survey the beautiful scene around me, feel as peaceful and serene as the prospect. I think I have never enjoyed such calmness and freedom from excitement as in the last few weeks. I think sometimes that I shall not live much longer, and I feel so happy, because the nearer my approach to eternity, the more 48 REFLECTIONS. [1833. I become weaned from the world and its vanities. And yet my affection for those I love is more intense than ever. How little they imagine its extent ! The sun is now setting. The glorious sun never loses its interest. ' So gently flows the parting breath, when good men cease to be.' I do not ask that I may go down like that sun, but that my last hour may be peaceful and calm as the setting of some little star. I have no wish to leave a brilliant light behind me, but I would have the pleasant ray of affection to gild my last moments, and to remain when I am in the dust. "What shall I do when I return to the bustle of the city ! I am very thankful for the comfort I have enjoyed while thus separated from my friends. I have more fully realized the power of religion than ever before. I have passed many hours of delightful communion and meditation, and humbly trust that my strength to resist evil is increased. I am so thoroughly convinced of the necessity of laying aside every weight, and religion seems so lovely to me that I do not feel inclined to indulge earthly desires, or to listen one moment to the voice of temptation. But, alas ! I know my heart too well to believe that this will always continue. I am a mortal, and a very unstable one, too. Temptations, within and with- out, will assail me as long as I continue in this world of sin, and my most earnest prayer is. that I may be endued with strength to resist them. My besetting sin is self-confidence, the greatest of all dangers. My most fervent prayer is, ' Oh, save me from myself !' " Had we no eternity in view, how much more desirable it is to enjoy the peace and happiness of submission to the will of our Heavenly Father, than all the pleasures that this world can afford ! Even the best and most refined of earthly enjoyments are insecure. ' Oh, ever thus from childhood have I seen my hopes decay,' but in Jesus we have peace. " 23t?. — Last evening was very quietly spent. E. F. H. and I were together. We all profess the name of Jesus, and 1833.] BIRTHDAY REFLECTIONS. 49 I pray that we may glorify it unto the end of our lives. I feel so humble, so unworthy, when I am in the society of Christians. Oh, that I may grow in grace ! I am but learn- ing, and I trust I may never cease to learn. May God pre- serve me from affected humility ! '■'■Monday evening. — After an absence of two months, I have at last returned to my beloved home, with a heart full of gratitude to my Heavenly Father, that his mercy has re- turned me to my friends, and that I have found them in health and happiness. '■'■July 2Wi. — This is the evening of my birthday. Another year has passed of my short life. Its retrospection affords me a sad view of misspent time, indifference, doubts and fears, even when most interested. But a ray of light is shed upon this dark scene, a ray of hope and peace. I trust that during the past year a most important change has taken place in my heart and life. Oh, may it become greater and greater. May the grace of my Heavenly Father keep me from falling, and if it so please Him that I should ever see another birthday, may its retrospect afford me more pleasure. May I have obtained a rich increase of grace. " oQth. — I fear an unprofitable day, some few moments, perhaps, redeemed, but too many of misspent time. When shall I be delivered from the influence of my own evil nature ! '^Aug. 1st. — Nothing good to record of myself. How I mourn the coldness of my heart ! A strange mood has come over me. I feel almost incapable of exertion of any kind, — so languid and so weak. " ' 0 for a gleam of heavenly day, To take this stubborn heart away V " In the evening I went to prayer-meeting. I enjoyed it unusually. It is so delightful to be favored once more with the means of grace, after having been for a season partially deprived of them. Towards the close of the meeting, dear D 5 50 CHURCH PRIVILEGES. [1833. Mr. Bedell came in, and I was rejoiced once more to hear liim. He was very affectionate. On Sunday morning I attended church. It was a day I have been long antici- pating, — let me not soon forget it. I trust that my prayer for strength to endure the sufferings I expect to undergo with fortitude, and that I may derive spiritual benefit from them, may be answered. In the evening I went again to church. The afternoon, too, was very pleasantly spent with cousin R., who, I believe, is a true Christian. '■'■Aug. Wth. — This is the first day I have been able to sit up since last Tuesday. I have suffered much pain. '■'• Sunday, 25th. — This has been a beautiful day, and I have tried very much to enjoy it, but cannot say I have entirely succeeded. In the first place I was so much disappointed that I could not go to church, and though I knew it was per- fectly right that I should stay at home, I did not feel quite resigned when I heard of the delightful sermon Mr. Bedell had preached, and that he intended to finish it in the after- noon. E. told me the greater part of it, and it must have been the very kind of sermon that I should have liked. ^'■Thursday, Sept. 5th. — Last Sunday I was permitted, to my great joy, to go to church. We had a sermon from Mr. , and though it was not generally liked, I enjoyed it. I have been too long deprived of the means of grace to be very hard to please. It was communion, and I trust my prayer was answered, that it might really prove to me a communion Sabbath, though, as usual, I had many unprofit- able thoughts to regret. When I first went into church, I felt very weak, and as I had promised to go out if I was unwell, I very much feared that I must ; but I prayed that my Heavenly Father would, if it were His will, give me strength to remain, that I might enjoy the privilege of com- munino-. I felt much better afterwards, and trust I was en- ablcd to remember much. How much dearer do our blessings become after we have been deprived of them ! 1833.] DESIRES FOR HOLINESS. 51 ^^Sept. list. — I feel to-day such a settled purpose to give up all for religion, that I think this purpose is made in the strength of the Lord, and that "I shall find that all-sujQ&cient. " ' We trust not in our native strength, But on Ilis grace rely/ assured ' That with returning wants, the Lord Will all our need supply.' " I would that every feeling were subdued that ever has, or may, interfere between me and my God. Oh, that I could banish all these sinful doubts, but I will not listen to them. I will cast my care on Him who careth for me. " I have been accused of bigotry and narrow-mindedness, because I have refused to read some Unitarian books. Is it so? 0, my Heavenly Father, I beseech Thee, for Jesus' sake, to take from my heart all uncharitableness, and at the same time to preserve me from temptation — to deliver me from evil. Teach me thy will. I know that I shall not be- come an unbeliever, because my trust is in Thee. 0 preserve me from resorting one moment to myself. Help me to give up every energy to Thee. ^^Oct. Sth. — Last Sunday was communion-day. Oh, how different does that sacrament now appear to me ! It at first seemed a solemn duty, but its performance did not afford as much pleasure as it now does. I did not deem it so much a privilege as I now do. " I do think I am more deeply interested in religion than ever. How much I desire the entire sanctification of my heart ! How ardently do I hunger and thirst after righteous- ness ! 1 shall be filled, I know, through the mercy of my Saviour. I wish I had more faith and earnestness. I have always so much to repent at the close of the day, — misspent time, always, and too often unchristian feelings and conduct. CHAPTER IV. 1833. Solicitudes for others — Wide and Lasting Results — The Christian in her Family — Letters to a Sister — Close of the Year. When the Apostle Andrew had been pointed by John the Baptist to the Lamb of God, and recognized, in Jesus of Nazareth, the long-expected " Consolation of Israel," his first impulse was to hasten to "his own brother Simon" with the joyful intelligence, " We have found the Messias : and he brought him to Jesus." When Simon Peter was himself forewarned of his approaching fall by his compassionate Lord, with the assurance that He had prayed for him that his faith might not fail, this intimation of eventual recovery is accompanied by the injunction, " When thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren." When the Psalmist confessed his guilt, and implored pardon with such unfeigned contrition, the trust of his grateful soul in the mercy of God leaps forth in strong desires to make his fellow-sinners partakers of the same grace, " Cast me not away from thy presence ; and take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation ; and uphold me with thy free Spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways, and sinners shall be converted unto thee." Of the lesson inculcated in such passages, the lesson of real solicitude for the spu'itual and eternal good of others, the desire to bring them that have no hope, and are without God in the Avorld, to taste and see how gracious the Lord is, Susan Allibone was an apt learner. No sooner was her own heart cheered with the hope of pardon and heaven, than she longed to impart that hope to all around her. None could (52) 1833.] RESULTS. 53 hold intercourse with her, by "word or letter, without being impressed with her fervent zeal and her love for souls. " The mind that was in Christ Jesus" was breathed into her bosom, and constantly shone forth in speech and action. Her missionary zeal was a steadily burning light, diffusing rays of holy influence, and enhvening many by its cheering glow. To win souls to Christ was pre-eminently her delight, and her heart warmed towards all, however humble their sta- tion, or separate from her own their walk in life, whom she might hope to attract into the fold of the good Shepherd. And God crowned her efforts with abundant success. Her intercessions were not spent in air. Her endeavors to benefit and bless those for whom she longed in the bowels of Christ Jesus, were not as water spilled upon the ground. In the comparative seclusion of her darkened room she not only cherished a missionary spirit, but did a missionary work. Many whose eyes will rest upon this page, have been in- debted to her, under God, for the hope that is in them, and for counsel, encouragement, warning and consolation, for which they feel they can never be too grateful. Among those profited by her faithful and impressive teachings, some are now laboring in the ministry of reconciliation ; and not only the ranks of the ministry at home, but the band of de- voted foreign missionaries has been recruited by her un- quenchable zeal. Of those whom she was the instrument of leading to Jesus, some have preceded her to the better country to which she had directed their hopes. The author ventures the assertion that his reader will be struck with ad- mu-ation at the rare union of fidelity and plainness of speech, with tenderness, consideration and good judgment which mark her efforts. She was ever ready to embrace the propi- tious moment for reminding the impenitent of the claims of God, and of the great interests of the soul. She spoke the truth without concealment or reserve. And yet was she never obtrusive, or forgetful of others' feehngs, or injudi- 5* 54 THE CHRISTIAN IN HER FAMILY. cious, or assuming. There was so much good sense and appropriateness, as well as humility and benevolence, in all her attempts, that none could take them ill. However disin- clined any might be to the counsel, they could not but respect and love the gentle monitor.- And whenever success was granted to any of her appeals, the whole glory was given to God. Vanity and self-esteem were never fed by the infor- mation that her efforts had been attended with a blessing. With utter self-renunciation every trophy was humbly cast, where she is now permitted to cast her crown of righteous- ness, even at the feet of Him who sitteth upon the throne. While her expansive charity glowed for all sorts and con- ditions of men, and all souls were precious to her because Jesus had died for them, it will be readily anticipated that for those bound to her by ties of kindred, and endeared by intimate intercourse, this feeling was peculiarly vivid. In the sacred circle of home not only did her holy example shine with attractive lustre, but for its dear inmates her prayers were unremitting, and to them her conversations and letters were richly blessed. To her family she was a trea- sure beyond price. In cherishing her with overflowing fond- ness they were not like those who " entertain angels un- awares," for none felt the unearthly purity and sweetness of her character like those who saiy her most frequently and unconstrainedly. They will pardon such an exhibition of her feelings and affections towards themselves, as might else seem an invasion of domestic sanctity, for the sake of that Saviour's glory, whose living epistle she ever was in her own home. The Christian daughter, sister, kinswoman, may be introduced in these pages, acting the part for which the Lord designed her, and showing how perfectly and beautifully divine grace can adorn and sanctify the charities of the fire- side. The same feelino; which led Andrew to seek first his own brother Simon, directed her earliest efforts towards the salvation of those who Avere nearest and dearest to her heart. 1833.] LETTERS TO A SISTER. 55 She writes in her Diary : '■'•April 19^7/, 1833. — I have now such cause for thankful- ness, that I ought never again to repine. One of my very dearest friends is very seriously impressed, and I doubt not will be, ere long, induced to accept the offers of salvation. I was very happy yesterday." The following letters are among the first of her efforts to make her pen the medium of spiritual counsel : To her Sister S. " I think I shall not do wrong, my dear sister, in writing to you this morning, since it is my prayer that I may indeed be prevented from ' speaking my own words,' and that the Holy Spirit may influ- ence my he'art in alluding to that subject which I trust is most in- teresting to us both. I sometimes feel tempted to ask myself whether there is not some degree of presumption mingled with my attempts to benefit others in this way, and to shrink from the weighty responsibility I thus incur. The knowledge of the awful danger and sinfulness of speaking or writing on this subject in my own strength, induces me to pray very earnestly and very frequently that I may never be induced to do it j and I would not dare to com- mence a letter, or a conversation, on religious subjects, without a special petition that the Lord would be with me. And since I am conscious that it is only His Spirit that is able to implant in the heart the earnest desire I sometimes feel for the salvation of others, I am encouraged to believe that my efforts for their good, feeble as they are, come from Him, and will be blessed by Him, and to Him I would give all the glory. Oh ! I wish that I could feel so deeply my own entire depravity, and be so impressed with a view of the in- finite majesty and purity of the Lord of Hosts, that a thought of pride or of self-complacency might never again come nigh me. I see the necessity and the beauty of humility, and I feel that it is a vir- tue that I do not possess. I pray for it, and I believe that it will be granted to me. "All this time I have been speaking of myself; but my object in writing to you this morning is to speak to you of the concerns of your own soul — a liberty that I feel myself constrained to take, not only by a sense of duty and the impulses of affection, but by the confidence you have placed in me, and for which I feel thankful to 56 LETTERSTOASIvSTER. [1833. my Heavenly Father, and to you in having made me acquainted with your feelings and de.sires on this subject. I know not how far these desires have increased, or the exact nature of your feelings at this moment, for we have no verbal intercourse on this theme. I have several times inquired of myself the cause of our mutual silence : mine has been caused, I think, by a knowledge of your re- luctance to speak of it, a fear of darkening counsel by words without knowledge, and, I am afraid, a want of faith and the absorbing in- terest I ought to feel. I trust that all the weaknesses of my nature may be overcome by the mighty power of the grace of God, and that I may be enabled with boldness to speak of these things whenever I shall be made to feel it my duty. I do pray for you, and think about you a great deal, my dear sister ; but I am often struck with my comparative indifference to your spiritual welfare, and then I feel very glad that God loves you so much better than I do ; that He is ever watching over you for good ; and that, if you will trust in Him, He will never leave nor forsake you. Follow on to know the Lord, and you tvill find Him. Do please be very attentive to the whisperings of the still small voice, and abandon every thing which may cause it to speak reproachfully to your heart. My Heavenly Father knows that I do not speak this in a spirit of dicta- tion, for I know that I have, in many things, grieved the Holy Spirit, and I know that I often do now ; but He will forgive us the sin which doth so easily beset us. Let it be our constant prayer, 'Let not any iniquity have dominion over raej' 'Quicken me after Thy loving kindness, so shall I keep the testimony of Thy mouth.' Oh ! may we be enabled to realize the things of eternity, and to re- member that after our short period of jprobation shall be ended here, we must be eternally happy or miserable. It is a very solemn thought, and I wish that it were ever with me." . To the same. July 15tb, 1833. " I feel often as though it would be very sinful for me to repine if I were to suffer much more than I do, for I invariably experience the most unmerited kindness and attention. It is, and ever MiW be impossible for me to discharge the many debts of gratitude I owe. I can, however, and do most earnestly pray that my Heavenly Father will discharge them all. I may much longer continue to re- quire the kindness that is ever so liberally extended, or I may need it but for a little while. It is a matter of little moment, if I be but 1833.] LETTERS TOA SISTER, 57 endued with faith and patience to the end. \Yhen I compare, dear sister, the extent of life with the unlimited duration of eternity, 1 wonder that I can ever suffer my feelings to be engrossed, for one moment, by the trifles that I often suffer to occupy them. ' For what is your life ? It is even a vapor that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.' I would that every moment of my time were spent in preparation for another and better world. " My conscience has often reproached me for the inconsistent con- duct you have witnessed. Do not let it influence your feelings, my dear sister, but rather let it warn you against the indulgence of self- dependence, for while we earnestly implore strength from above, and depend upon that alone, we shall most assuredly be * kept from fall- ing.' I know, from my own experience, that it is very discouraging to witness the imperfections of those who profess an earnest desire to be free from them ; but it is not right to be influenced in this manner by the example of others, for it is not by them, but with them, we shall be judged. I do pray that I may be enabled to be more consistent, for, indeed, weak and unworthy as I am, I feel a sincere desire to cmcify the flesh and the affections thereof. " Dear sister, do strive to early impress upon the mind of my dear, dear W., the necessity of setting his affections upon things above. He may, perhaps, have to endure much suffering, and he will then be blessed with an unfailing source of consolation." To tlte same. Nov. 6th, 1833. " Solitude is certainly very favorable to religious influences ; the mind is freed, at least, from outward sources of excitement, and is at liberty to look inward. We can then, in some degree, ascertain the height and depth of our religious feelings. " We need not be discouraged, my dear sister, while we arc sen- sible of our deficiency, and deeply deplore it. He who causes us to * hunger and thirst after righteousness,' will surely grant the desires His grace has implanted in our hearts. If we can only so far divest ourselves of self-righteousness, as to rely implicitly on the mercy of our Saviour, and believe that He will surely .grant us all we need, it will be with us * according to our faith.' We shall go on * from strength to strength.' But we look so much at our own hearts, we feel how worthless and sinful they are, and think too often that we must wait until they are better before any thing can be done. If, instead of this, we would go to our Redeemer, and ask Him to 58 LETTEP. STOASISTER. [1833. ' cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of His holy Spirit/ to 'create in us new hearts, and to renew a right spirit within us/ He would give us strength and help. Is it not strange that we are not more deeply interested in this all important subject? " When I feel dissatisfied with my progress in spiritual things, I am too apt to look forward to the future, hoping that I shall i/row in grace. But I do not reflect as I ought, that in this world there may be no future for me, that in one hour I maybe summoned, just as I am, into the presence of Him who ' is of purer eyes than to be- hold iniquity.' I think we ought never to rest satisfied with our spiritual condition, until we feel that we can, at any moment, calmly resign ourselves into the hands of our Maker. I think we ought always to 'knoio that we have a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.' We ought, indeed, to ' reckon ourselves to be dead unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.' I know it is only because we are so unwilling to believe, that we are so cold and dead in our affections, and that we are not always filled with ' the peace of God which passeth all understanding.' " A subsequent entry, one of many like expressions, marks the depth and intensity of her sanctified love : " I desire to have continual sorrow and heaviness in my heart for those of my family who are out of Christ, and to take no rest until they are converted. God grant that I may not be a stumbling-block in their way. Without Jesus, I can do nothing." ^^ Thursday, October, 1833. — *^My Saviour has promised that whosoever cometh unto him, he will in no wise cast out ; and at times, when I can feel the force of this promise, I am inspired with new hope and zeal ; and though I know myself to be exceedingly sinful and inconsistent, I also feel that I have a Friend in heaven who will, with every temptation, make a way also to escape, and who is ever ready to pardon my transgressions. How strange that I do not love Ilim more !" " Sunday. — Have suffered very much this day, but have been very happy. If I know myself, I feel willing to suffer much more than I do, to endure the most excruciating pain 1833.] LETTERS TO A SISTER. 59 if I be onlj endued with strengtli to support it with patience ; and that this will be granted I do not fear, for though the outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day." To her Sister. " I rejoice, my beloved sister, that I can address to you the lan- guage of encouragement, that I can say, ' Be of good comfort, rise, He calleth thee ;' and I know that you will arise and come to Jesus. You will not, you shall not, be ' the outcast of our consecrated family.' I have seldom been under the influence of so powerful feelings as were awakened by the perusal of your letter. Again and again I lifted up my heart in thankfulness to my Heavenly Father, and was not afraid to say to Him, ' I know Thou wilt bless my sister, and make her thine forever. ' Wait on the Lord, be of good courage,' and every cloud will ere long be dissipated by the bright beams of the Sun of righteousness. Trust in Him, and you will have strength vouchsafed for the performance of every duty. " I do not doubt that you engage with increasing interest in the duties of religion, that you take more and more delight in reading the Scriptures, in prayer, and in waiting upon the Lord in His holy temple : this will ever, I trust, be your experience. But you must not be discouraged if you are sometimes troubled with a cold heart, and wandering thoughts. Satan is very unwilling that we should enjoy communion with our Heavenly Father, and incessantly strives to interrupt it ; but, ray dear sister, if you would be a happy Chris- tian, if you would enjoy ' that peace that passeth understanding,' you must never rest satisfied until ' every thought is brought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.' This is the rule I always keep before me. I have determined that I will never cease this spiritual warfare while this object is uuattained — until my every thought, word and deed is consecrated to the service of God. Oh ! how far distant am I from this ' mark,' towards which I trust we shall ever ' press with vigor on !' In Heaven, alone, we shall be permitted to rest. There will be no temptation there ; there we shall see our Heavenly Father's face, and ' never, never sin.' Here we must watch, aud pray, and labor ; there we shall praise forever and for- ever. We know not, my dear sister, the cii'cumstances which await us in this life; we may be subjected to many trials, but let us pray that ' in all time of our tribulation, in all time of our prosperity, in the hour of death, aud in the day of judgment,' our Saviour may be 60 LETTERTOACOUSIN. [1833. the strength of our hearts, tlie rock of our refuge. You must remem- ber me in 3'our dail}' petitions. Morning, noon and night I ask our Father who is in Heaven to bless and keep my darling sister." To a Cousin. December, 1833. " Oh, my dear cousin, how deep a debt of thankfulness shall we owe, if our ' present afflictions' which may now seem to be ' grievous,' shall afterward yield 'the peaceable fruits of righteousness;' if the conviction that ' this world can never give the bliss for which we sigh,' induce us to seek for it where alone it can be found, where to seek it is to gain. I trust that we have been so blessed, and that it will be the will of our Father in Heaven to perfect the work of grace in our hearts, and that in affliction we may be enabled to say : ' 'Tis my happiness below, Not to live without the cross, But the Saviour's power to know, Sanctifying every loss ;' and that if it should be His will to restore our health, and to give us prosperity, He will continue to ' lift up the light of his countenance iipon us,' to preserve us in 'all time of our prosperity, in all time of tribulation.' He will do so, if wo only believe. And here, too, we need His grace, for without it we cannot even trust Him. What state of mind can be more happy than an entire reliance upon the merits of our Redeemer, an entire forgetfulness of self, know that ' our life is hid with Christ in God !' It is the most ardent wish of my soul to attain this happy state. I had rather it should be mine than all the treasures of earth, and I believe that it icill, for it is my desire to ' press towards the mark,' to ' lay aside every weight,' and to ' run with patience the race set before me.' All that is necessary to enable me to do this is to ' look unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith.' What could we do if any other plan of sal- vation were marked out, if any merit of our own were to save us, if there were 'no balm in Gilead ?' Dear cousin, let us trust this Sa- viour, and though we feel that we are so weak and so sinful, and withal so self-righteous, let us remember that He has implanted every holy desire and affection in our hearts, and that in doing this, He gives us an earnest of what Ho will do for us. Let us pray to Him continually, and believe that He will give us 'day by day our daily bread,' and that this will be the bread of life. Oh ! I wish that I could realize the love of this Saviour more ; but I can truly say that I do ' hunger and thirst after righteousness,' and I know 1833.] LETTERS. 61 that I sliall be filled. Not tluit I am any thing, or can do anything, but because Christ died for all, and God is not willing that any should perish, but that all should have everlasting life. Do not let us despond, then; but if we feel that we have not attained what we wish, say with David, 'Why art thou cast down, oh my soul, and why art thou disquieted within me ? Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise Him who is the help of my countenance and my God.' I think one of our besetting sins is ingratitude. We think it right to mourn that we are not what we ought to be, and so it is j but we forget what has been done for us. It ought to be the ever-dwelling sentiment in our hearts, ' I'less the Lord, oh my soul, and forget not all His benefits.' While we remember to pray, we ought not to forget to praise. " I wonder if thee has ever read Legh Eichmond's life. I think I derived from it more pleasure, and I trust more profit, than from any biography I ever read." To Miss E. N. Philadelphia, May 10th, 1838. '' Thee is not mistaken in supposing that I do not entirely ap- prove of a trifling style of writing, and my conscience often reproaches me not only on this score, but for a multitude of idle words and un- profitable imaginations that are ever ready to intrude upon my mind. Thee asks me to write for thy benefit. Would that I were more competent to advise ! My own example and deficiency always occur to me, when I would advise others ; but still, in spite of my infirmi- ties, my mind is so deeply impressed with a sense of the importance of religion, and of the necessity of immediate attention to its interests, that I would not neglect an opportunity of urging it upon those I love. What strange infatuation it is, that our energies should be dormant, and that we can sleep in the midst of danger ! Could we be calm in the battle-field ? And should we not be more alive to danger when we are exposed not only to foreign attacks, but when civil wars are waging around us ? Could we obtain a perfect view of ' that fearful sight, a naked human heart,' with what alarm and dismay would we make the dread survey ! I feel more entirely con- vinced, every day of my life, that ' the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked;' and it is when the grace of our Heavenly Father has implanted in our hearts a sense of our infirmity that nature or reason can never give, that we learn in some degree to appreciate the beauty of holiness. Thee says, dear E., that thee is 6 62 FREENESS OF SALVATION. [1833. sensible of the most entire indifference in regard to thy most import- ant interests. I believe that thee has had very serious impressions, and why is it that they do not produce a permanent effect ? It is the strange perversity of human nature. " I was reasoning once with Miss L., on the depravity of the heart, and she thought to confute me at once by asking me if I thought I would be condemned if I were to die ; that I had done no harm, and that God would not certainly be so unjust as to consign me to eternal punishment. I told her that if I were to die that night, I knew that I could not go to Heaven. She said that if she believed herself in such a situation, she could not possibly rest or sleep. Her remark produced a very powerful impression, commonplace as it was. Dear E., do not waste thy time in speculation and murmuring that thee is no better; thee cannot amend thy own heart. I will extract a passage from an interesting book I borrowed a few weeks since, and that I mean to lend to thee : " ' I cannot doubt that the inquirer may be, in a certain sense, truly sincere, while he hangs back in expectation of a kind of men- tal discipline, a routine which he does not understand, but which he has been taught to anticipate; and hence his common reply to the repeated solicitations of the Gospel is, " I am not prepared." But he has conceived wrong notions of the scheme of redemption. He has adopted some ideas which obscure its light, or embarrass its sim- plicity with perplexities which ought to have no connexion with it. How strange a position of affairs is this which is supposed to be his ! The inquirer is waiting for the Redeemer, and the Redeemer waiting for him ! How inconsistent with the design of the Bible ! How derogatory to the character of the Sa'dour.' "Again : ' That the awakened sinner is not t-o remain idle is very certain. He is to renounce every habit or practice which he knows to be guilty. He is to weigh his actions by the standard of God's holy law. He is to look carefully into his disposition and temper, and to turn from the snares to which they expose him. He is to abandon all that is at enmity with the will of his Maker. But the whole of this is contemporaneous with his approach to Christ ; it is part of the very act of '^ arising to go to his Father." .... Alas! how slowly we receive the blessed truth that salvation is free! Oh, why should not the truth be received as it is ? The phj^sician of Gilcad is not only able, but ready to administer a cure to all who sincerely apply to him. And can it be necessary that they should be better, when they approach him, if he can heal them as they arc.' " 1834.] REVIEW OF THE YEAR. 63 '•'-Jan. 1, 1884. — Another year is gone and past. The lapse of time has never before so forcibly arrested my atten- tion. The moment that is lost, is lost forever ; and how many have passed unimproved, my Heavenly Father only knows. It is to his mercy alone that I can look for forgive- ness. Why is it that my heart is so ungrateful for the mer- cies of the year that is past ? How innumerable they are ! This year has been the most important of my life. I trust that I can include among these blessings, the chiefest of all, a renewed heart. Surely its impulses and desires are changed. Its affections are transferred from earth to hea- ven, and it enjoys a degree of peace to which it has always before been a stranger, ' the peace of God which passeth all understanding.' And yet there is much in this heart of mine that cannot even endure the test of self-examination, and still less, a comparison with the standards the Scripture gives us ; yet I hnow that this good work which God, in his infinite mercy, has begun and continued in me, will not be suffered to remain unfinished. I know that it is my Father's good pleasure to give me the kingdom ; and I have com- menced this year with an humble prayer, that I may have grace to go on from strength to strength ; that every false refuge may be taken from me, whatever it may cost. ' What I know not, teach Thou me,' is the sincere prayer of my heart, and I feel an entire conviction that if there is now anything wrong in my heart — anything that keeps me from the enjoy- ment of perfect peace — as I doubt not there is, God, in His infinite mercy, will teach me this. And I believe this, not because I am not unworthy, ungrateful, ever erring, but be- cause God has promised, ' Whosoever will, let him take of the water of life freely,' 'Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find.' " CHAPTER V. 1834. Increased Illness — Apprehended Nearness of Death — Impressions of a Work to be done — Eleven weeks' Confinement. In the commencement of the jcar 1834, the trying malady which was to be Miss Allibone's life-companion, increased in its severity, and confined her for many weeks to her apart- ment. This affliction was doubtless intended, by Him who led ' her as a Shepherd, to promote her sanctification, to perfect all that was lacking in her faith, and to prepare her for that eminent holiness and usefulness, by which she should glorify God. How meekly, lovingly, earnestly, she responded to the gracious design, will appear from her Diary, meant for no eye but God's, and from her letters, intended only for the eye of friendship. It is a privilege to draw aside the veil that con- cealed the secrets of this hallowed chamber, and to show how the love and presence of the Lord can sustain his children Avhen ready to faint ; how, in the multitude of their pains and sorrows, his comforts can refresh their souls. Let the repin- ing and discontented, if any such review these pages, learn from her example of suffering patience, the loving-kindness of the Lord, and blame their own unbelief and rebellion. To many, Susan Allibone, prostrated in the bloom of youth by incurable disease ; enduring, in her seclusion from the world, the extremest agony, was doubtless an object of much com- miseration. But no shadows brooded over her tranquil spirit, and her peace flowed as a river. " Diary, Jan. 2^th, 1834. — The first day of my confine- ment to my room, and passed in a very pleasant manner, too. I besought the blessing of my Heavenly Father upon (64) 1834.] INCREASED ILLNESS. 65 my tarriance here. I have asked Him to sanctify every trial I may be called to endure ; to give me patience under my suf- ferings, and a happy issue out of all my afflictions. I do not doubt that my prayers will be more than answered, through the mercy of my Kedeemer, and though I be deprived of many privileges, my soul will still be refreshed with heavenly showers. I read a little in my French Testament ; have had several visitors, and no solitude ; but have had ample oppor- tunity for the performance of my duties. I am sorry they have been attended to with such inadequate interest." " l^th. — This day I feel so happy. I wonder that I am so ungrateful for the blessings I have received. My very soul ought to warm within me, but I am often very insensible to the goodness of my Heavenly Father. Oh ! wilt Thou not create in me a new heart, and renew a right spirit within me ? Make my heart to overflow with love divine, all other love excelling. Give me grace to bless Thee for comfort and for suflering, for sorrow and for joy. Oh ! inspire my heart with resignation to Thy will. Let not one murmuring thought escape my heart or lips. Let me rather, oh, my Father, bless Thee that Thou hast deprived me of health, for it is, in truth, one of the greatest blessings Thou hast ever bestowed upon me." " Sunday, 26th. — IIow pleasantly has this morning passed, part of it in retirement ! I trust that my spiritual interests may not be injured by my necessary deprivation of public ordinances. I pray that they may not." " Jan. Slst, 1834. — This has been a year of almost unin- terrupted bodily suffering, yet, truly, I can say it has been the happiest of my life. I have been mercifully enabled to endure my afflictions as coming from the hand of a kind Heavenly Father, and to regard them as blessings. Oh, I hope I have more dependence on the mercy of God than ever before. I have found Ilira a very present help in time of trouble. I am not afraid to trust Him for all to come. E 6* 6Q INCREASED ILLNESS. [1834. " I know that my heart is very prone to sin, but God is greater than my heart ; and since He has begun a good worjc there, I will not fear any danger, for I feel that he will per- fect it. I desire to renew my covenant with Him, and im- plore Him to give me a deeper sense of my obligations to- wards Him ; to teach me that Avhich I know not ; to lead me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake." ^^ Su7iday, Feb. 2d. — I trust this day will be abundantly blessed to my soul. I desire very much to go to church, but since I cannot unite my praises with the people of God, I will implore him to bless me in the sanctuary of my chamber. I feel such sweet peace as the world cannot give. This is our Communion Sabbath. I desire to partake of the ordi- nance, spiritually, at least. My dear sister is to commune to-day for the first time. She has my most fervent prayers." " Feh. 6th. — I have not been so unwell for two or three days past. So that my inner man is renewed day by day, I care not how soon, or how much the outward man perish. I feel grateful when I receive proofs of the kindness of my friends. The patience they commend is the gift of my Fa- ther in Heaven. He enables me to endure suffering, and even makes me thankful for it. I cannot bear it without his aid. I always ask for strength and patience, and he gives me all that I need. I have little doubt that I shall suffer as long as I live, and probably much more than I have ever done, and linger for years in suffering ; but I hope I shall always say, ' Thy will be done.' Why am I not a more de- voted Christian ? I must be more earnest and frequent in prayer, and reading the Scriptures. " 10th. — I think an hour or two of Sunday morning was more happily spent than almost any part of my life. I love to think of my visit to J. C. It has been abundantly blessed to me, and I trust will be as long as I live. I was recalling to my mind his expressions of faith and peace, and to do so 1834.] THOUGHTS OF DEATH. G7 always encourages mo, for I know that God is equally ready to bless me." " This train of thought led me to reflect upon death and another world, and the promises of Scripture were accom- panied with much strength and consolation to my heart. This evening I do feel very happy. I have been blessed in prayer. Oh ! why do I not pray always ? I wonder that I am not more in earnest. I do so much pity those who endure the sufferings of ill health whilst destitute of the consolations of religion. I feel this so sensibly when I see a pei'son sinking under the ravages of disease, unsupported by confidence in God, and the anticipation of a glorious eternity. Oh, should not this incite me to renewed watchfulness and prayer ? Should I not endeavor, by the grace of God, to become a blessing to those I compassionate ? And if I can do nothing else, should I not earnestly and frequently pray that God will lift up the light of His countenance upon them ? Oh, I do not feel these things as I would. I am not humble enough. I wish I could feel that I grow in grace every hour. I wish I could pray always. I want a deeper work of grace in my heart." " Sunday, P. 31. — I felt a great desire to spend this day profitably ; to consecrate every word and every thought to my Maker ; but, as usual, I have said and thought many things of a worldly nature. I have so much company, and I feel as if I ought to say nothing that has reference to the con- cerns of this world, but somehow it seems almost unavoidable. I wish I could be alone on Sunday, or see none but those whose feelings are in unison with mine. I wish every one who comes would give me a Avord of instruction. This has been a beautiful day. The sun has been shining so brightly. The church-bells sound so delightfully, and I can truly say, ' My soul hath a desire and longing for the courts of the Lord.' But God is as ready to strengthen me upon the bed of lan- guishing, as to bless me in the sanctuary, if I can only trust in Jesus. Lord, I do trust in Thee. I know Thou wilt 68 DIARY. [1834. carry on the work of grace Thou hast begun in my heart. I do resign myself to Thee for time, and for eternity. ' Who in the strength of Jesus trusts, Is more than conqueror.' Surely it is my supreme desire to know and to serve God, to grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. God has given me this desire. Surely I shall yet rejoice in Him, who is the light of my countenance and my God, and I do rejoice in Him. He strengthens me to bear suffering. He enables me to resist a thousand temptations, and to endeavor to do His will. He gives me a heaven-born love for the Holy Scriptures. ^^ Sunday. — This is a very rainy day, but if the Sun of Righteousness arise, no weather will be gloomy to me. I do hunger and thirst after righteousness, and I feel my desire constantly increase. Perhaps it is thus that my prayers are answered. I can say with Jacob, ' I will not let Thee go, except Thou bless me ;' and I desire to ever remember that they who wait upon the Lord shall find their strength increase. '■'■Friday. — A visit from my Preceptor, one of my very dearest friends. He looked very pale and thin, and as though his tarriance here would not be long. I trust that when his earthly pilgrimage is ended, he will be for ever and for ever happy, and that I shall meet him in the heavenly Jerusalem. How ardently do I love him ! I pray that God will abundantly strengthen him to endure every trial that awaits him. ^^ Saturday. — I was overjoyed by a visit from my dear Pastor. I trust I found his visit very profitable. He, too, looks as though he were to be ere long called to his heavenly home. Oh, if it be my heavenly Father's will, I would pray that a very long time may not elapse ere I be by Death's cold hand led home to God. How desirable ! '■'•Friday. — I fear that my attention has been too much 1834.] WEAKNESS. 69 witlidrawn from the Bible lately. I have had so many books sent to me. I have now commenced a most delightful book, 'Bridges on the 119th Psalm,' that I desire may be of much profit. I find it important to ofier up a petition before I com- mence a book, that it may not be alloAved to exercise an inju- rious tendency, but may be blessed to my soul. '■^Saturday. — I trust I redeemed some precious moments yesterday. I was much favored in having my thoughts more collected than usual. Oh ! how I wish that every thought and word may be devoted to the Lord ! I do earnestly desire to be very watchful and earnest in praye^', and especially do I feel that I can do nothing of myself. Oh ! that I were entirely absorbed in Christ, not having mine own righteous- ness. Oh ! I do want to love my dear Saviour. It makes my heart sad to remember that Christ is so merciful and so compassionate, that He strengthens and supports me, and that I love Him so little. Oh ! why is my heart so cold ? 'Lord, be merciful to me a sinner!' I feel very weak in body to-day — so entirely prostrated. Oh ! Jesus I will look to Thee, and fervently pray that Thou wilt bless my afflic- tions to my soul. I am not afraid of suffering, for Thou wilt enable me to endure it. Oh, I pray Thee, so order it that my light afflictions may work for me a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, wldle I look not at the things that are seen. '■'■ Sunday . — This has been a bright and beautiful day, and a very happy one too. I can truly call the Sabbath a delight, and I desire that it be holy to the Lord, honorable. I often think that as I so ardently desire to keep holy the Sabbath- day, and anticipate so much pleasure in its return, I shall surely be permitted through the mercy of God to enjoy a Sabbath of eternal rest. I hope I am enabled to be more and more conscientious in my endeavors and prayers. I would not speak my own words, or think my own thoughts, on this 70 DESIRES FOR HOLINESS. [183 K holy day. Oh ! I do long to be pure and holy, and to be entirely divested of self-righteousness. '■'■Monday. — I earnestly desire to improve this week more than I have ever done. There is so much need of a daily growth in grace, and I have reason to hope I have made some progress, very inferior to what it ought to have been. But I desire to go from strength to strength, and especially do I desire to be cured of my propensity to look to myself, instead of to Christ. Oh ! I wish I had no self, that all v>ere lost in the love of Jesus ! Oh ! for that faith that overcomes the world, a simple child-like confidence in my dear Re- deemer ! This shall be the burden of my prayers, and surely He who has done so much for me will supply every need. I feel He will. I am as sure of it as I am of my own exist- ence, and that, not because I have any claim to mercy, but because Jesus died. ' Oh ! for a heart to praise my God.' Oh ! for a knowledge of the height and depth, of the length and breadth, of the love of my dear Saviour, for He is dear to me. " ' Oh! love divine, how sweet thou art, When shcill I find my willing heart All taken up by Thee ? I thirst, and faint, and die to prove The greatness of redeeming love. The love of Christ to me.' '•'■Tuesday. — How little cause have I to think well of my- self, and how much need there is that I keep a strict guard over my heart and lips ! There was an allusion made to a subject that is always an unpleasant one to me, and which, when made a subject of conversation, always excites my na- tural impetuosity of feeling. Oh ! how much I have to con- tend with ! I was not irritated against any person, but it was wrong to allow myself to become so excited on any subject. It is my desire and intention to pray and strive against this and every remaining corruption of my heart. I desire to know and repent of all that is not in accordance with the 1834.] RELIEF IN PRAYER. 71 spirit of true religion. IIow much cause have I to rejoice that I have a merciful Redeemer to apply to ! I see how perfectly the Gospel plan is adapted to our wants. '■'■Friday. — During Tuesday and Wednesday I had much cause to feel reproached for my want of spirituality. I did not feel as much as usual the sweet influences of the Spirit — influences which are dearer to me than all other enjoyments. I fear it was in a great degree on account of my levity. I felt far from indifferent, but it seemed impossible to keep my mind fixed on good things. On Wednesday evening I felt so unhappy that I determined that I would feel so no more, for I knew that if I would humbly spread my spiritual wants before my Father in heaven, He would be willing to grant me exceedingly above all that I would be able to ask or think. I did so, and my prayer was answered ; and since then I have felt much more happy. Yesterday morning I had a delightful season of retirement, and last evening I enjoyed very much. I hope this day to be enabled to keep a strict watch upon my heart, and to depend upon the right source for illumination and peace. ^'■Sunday. — On Friday afternoon I had a delightful visit from Mr. James. I felt much encourao;ed in reflectino; on the goodness of God towards me in putting it into the hearts of His children to visit me, and in thinking how much greater is His love than earthly affection. I was much blessed in prayer on Friday evening, and since then have felt much more prayerful. I am surprised to find my heart so cold this morning, but I know the remedy. To-day dear is to be confirmed. May the Lord strengthen her, and give her true faith. We have cause to feel that God is the Father of the fatherless, when we remember how much He has blessed us. May he conduct us in safety through life, and bring us unto His everlasting kingdom, for His name's sake." 72 LETTERTOANEPHEW. [1834. The rapid progress which this young disciple was making in the knowledge of divine things, in appreciation of Scrip- ture truths, in the assurance of faith, in the fervor of her love, and in the faithfulness of her self-scrutiny, cannot but strike the Christian reader. The Lord was evidently fashion- ing for himself " a vessel unto honor, meet for the Master's use." The letter subjoined, the first of a series addressed to a very dear nephew, shows her affectionate aptness in speaking to children : To W- , then four years of age. "Sunday Morning, March 9, 1834. " My own dear W , '' Ma tells me that thee is quite sick this morning, and I thought I would write a letter to tell thee how much I pity and love my dear little pet. It has been our Heavenly Father's will to make both thee and me suffer a great deal of pain and sickness ; but He does it for our good, and we ought to be very patient. Who-never thee feels very sick thee ought to pray to our dear Saviour to enable thee to bear suffering, and He will always hear and answer thy prayer, for He loves little children very dearly. Thee remembers what He said when the disciples were not willing to let the mothers take their children to Him. ' Suffer little children to come unto me, and for- bid them not, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.' And then He 'took them in His arms, and blessed them.' Will it not be a blessed thing to leave this world of sorrow, and dwell for ever with this dear Saviour in that happy world, where tlte Bible tells us that ' God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain.' Now, dear W , we cannot do anything of ourselves that will make us deserve to go to this place; for our hearts are wicked, and we cannot make them good ; but we must pray to Jesus Christ to make us pure in heart, for the Bible says, ' Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God ;' and whenever we feel as if we wanted to be good and love God, we may be sure that it is He who has put these good thoughts into our hearts. Thee must pray for Aunty Sue every day, dear "W., and I will pray for thee that God will preserve us from sin, and make us love Him with our whole hearts. I know very well that He will answer our prayers, for He is more willing to give us blessings than we are to ask Him. If 1834.] REFLECTIONS. 73 nothing should prevent, I would like thee to come around to-morrow and see rue, and if thee cannot, thee must send me an answer to this letter. I wish very much to see thee, and I think about thee a great deal, for there is no child in the world that I love half so well. Kiss E. for me, and now, my darling boy, I must bid thee farewell. "Thy affectionate Aunty Sue." ^^Mareh 17th. — I do love tvrillglit. It is to me the plea- santest hour of the day, and I desire ever to spend it in meditation and prayer. I desire to cultivate a more grate- ful spirit. Why is it that my heart is not more attuned to gratitude ? "2,2(2. — Yesterday and to-day I have been favored with a calm and happy frame of mind. To-day I have suffered a great deal, but I desire to thank my heavenly Father both for His rod and His staff. I am rejoiced to find that I am in some degree grateful for the blessings received. I do long for a thankful heart, and it is one of my brightest hopes of heaven, that I shall there praise God with all my soul, strength and povrer. " Truly, I am a child of God. Would He grant me such sweet access in prayer as I sometimes enjoy ? Would he accompany the Holy Scriptures with such spirit and power, such peculiar appropriateness, as He does, and His Spirit only can, if I were not His child ? Now, then, let me trust Him, and cast aside my sinful fears. Let me pray for grace to grow daily in conformity to His image, and to love and praise His holy name. "Sunday. — " ' Thine earthly Sabbaths, Lord, we love, But there's a nobler rest above. To that our laboring souls aspire, With fervent hope and strong desire.' This is a bright day, and all around me is quiet and peace- ful. My suffering of body seems to increase, and had I none other than the help of man, I could not patiently endure it, 7 74 RESIGNATION. [1834. but 1 ever find the Balm of Gilead an ample cure for every wound, 'a cordial for my fears.' " In tLis life I have naught but suffering to anticipate. Whether life be prolonged, or my course here be nearly run, I know not, and desire to feel no anxiety. This I know, and ever wish to feel, that Jesus is with me — that He will strengthen and comfort me under every afiliction, and grant me a happy issue out of all ; and this because God is merci- ful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. Sometimes, when bowed down with pain, I think that per- haps eternity is very near — that it may be but a little while ere this mortal shall put on immortality. So let it be ! So that Jesus is with me, I care not how soon. I have no desire to live, but to learn to die ; and I know that until I am pre- pared for eternity, I shall not be taken from time. " I am much comforted to hear of the desirable state of mind of an acquaintance who is wasted by disease, and appa- rently very near the end of his earthly sojourn. I believe that even my prayers for him have been answered. Oh, that the work of grace may be deepened in my heart. '■'■Monday^ March 24:th. — I am in severe pain to-day. I do pray fervently for strength to bear it, and it is given me. Oh ! may my faith and patience be every day increased. Per- haps death may not be very far frpm me. Oh, my Heavenly Father, prepare me for Thy presence ; cover me with the righteousness of my dear Saviour ; take from my heart every thing opposed to Thy will. Oh, make me as clay in Thy hands. Oh, Lord, Thou knowest my sincerity, and Thou wilt supply my every need. ' Lord, I believe ; help Thou mine unbelief.' " Yesterday was a happy day, because I was favored to be more fervent in prayer than usual, and more watchful against idle words and thoughts. I must endeavor to pray and strive against these, and every other enemy of my soul. I desire to seek a deeper Avork of grace. 1834.] VISIT FROM FRIENDS. 75 '■'■March 21tJi. — On Monday, two Friends, who have felt it their duty to visit the members of their meeting, came to see Mother, and, as an especial favor, consented to admit the rest of the family. Their remarks were very sweet and en- couraging, and I trust they will be blessed to my soul. One of them addressed me particularly, and said that though I was a stranger to her, she had been led to believe that our Heavenly Father had gracious purposes in thus laying His afflicting hand upon me, — that it was His intention, not only to draw me to Himself, but to make me an instrument of good to my family. Heaven grant it may be so. If I could be blessed to those I love, if I could be the instrument of leading one soul to repentance, how very willing I trust I should be to endure even ten-fold more severe suffering. '■'■Tuesday. — I resolved that I would devote myself espe- cially to prayer and reading the Bible. In the course of the morning, an article was sent to me to read, which was in- tended to amuse me. I took it up and began to read it, but my conscience reproved me, and I had to put it down. Was this consecrating my thoughts to the Lord ? I pray for grace to encourage a tender conscience. '^Saturday evening. — I have been much blessed within these two days past, and I long for a heart full of praise. Yesterday was Good Friday, and I prayed that if it were right I might have solitude, but I had a crowd in my room nearly all day. I was enabled to withdraw my thoughts, in a great measure, from all that was passing, and I have no doubt that my prayer was answered in the way that was best for me. ^'■Easter-day, March SOth. — I hoped to have been able to go to the sanctuary this morning, but it was ordered other- wise I knew that God would bless me at home, and He has. Why should I doubt His mercy and His love ? Oh, that every doubt and fear may be removed, and that I may have joy in believing. I trust that I have grown in grace. 76 THOUGHTS OF HEAVEN. [18B4. This morning I feel assured that my desires have been ac- ceptable, I pray for grace to spend this afternoon as I ought. Oh, for the full assurance of faith ! This is what I long for, this is what I pray for, and this is what I know will yet be given to me. ' I shall yet praise Him who is the light of my countenance, and my God.' I do dearly love the Bible. ^^ April 2d. — Yesterday I enjoyed very much. If I were a truly devoted Christian I should be favored with many hours of ' communion sweet, communion large and high.' And as it is, how much cause have I to rejoice in the abundant manifestations of love I have received from my Heavenly Father. I think I am not deceived in my trust that I have grown in grace during the last two months. " I have some sweet thoughts of heaven. Oh, what a glo- rious change is it for this mortal to put on immortality ! Oh, when shall the happy experience be mine ! Oh, dear Jesus ! my soul longs for thee, and Thou art my supreme desire. Come and reveal Thyself to my waiting heart. I want to feel that I am dead unto sin, but alive unto Thee. Oh, I long to be conformed entirely to thine image ! I thirst for Thy full salvation, with ardor that no language can express. I rejoice, 0 Almighty Father, that Thou dost know the thoughts and intents of my heart, and I desire to realize Thy presence. Why am I so trifling ? How inconsistent I am ! My cry must ever be, ' God be merciful to me a sinner !' Surely I shall become more humble, more watchful and more believing. "April 4:th. — Yesterday I went down stairs, after ten weeks' confinement. I was very glad to be permitted to leave my room, but do not expect ever to enjoy society as much as solitude, and I most fervently pray for directing and sustain- ing grace. I trust I shall not neglect my stated seasons of devotion on any account, — that I may be preserved from levity, vanity, and every sin. Oh, let me never rely upon 1834.] DESIRES FOR HOLINESS. 77 my own heart, but constantly and earnestly pray for the in- fluences of the Spirit. " I have been for a long time in the habit of keeping a record of my thoughts and feelings, and as I think this plan is productive of advantage to my spiritual interests, I desire to retain it, if possible, during the remainder of my life. And yet I have felt enough of the deceitfulness of my heart, and its proneness to error, to be well convinced that unless I maintain a constant dependence on the influence and restrain- ing grace of my Heavenly Father, this, as well as every other means of grace, will be perverted. I would, therefore, com- mence this book, and every undertaking, with a fervent prayer for grace to help in time of need, — for a spirit of watchfulness and prayer, — for self-distrust, and child-like confidence in the merits of my Eedeemer. " ' Search me, 0 God, and know my heart ; try me, and know my thoughts, and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting,' is, I trust, my heart's sincere and fervent petition. ' Give me understanding, and I shall keep thy law, yea, I shall observe it with my whole heart.' " I ardently long for conformity to the will of my Heavenly Father, and am resolved that nothing else shall satisfy me ; and though the mournful experience of my past short-comings would for ever deter me from the attempt, if it were made in reliance on my own competency, yet let me ever remember, ' Who in the strength of Jesus trusts, is more than con- queror.' I have experienced so many proofs of divine love, that I am encouraged to be confident that the power that has commenced a good work in me, will increase and perfect it ; that He who has brought me out of nature's darkness, into a measure, at least, of the glorious liberty of the children of God, will dissipate every remaining cloud, by the bright beams of the Sun of Righteousness. I long for a heart full of praise to God for His exceeding mercy and loving-kind- 78 SELF-EXAMINATION. [1834. ness. Truly I may say with David, ' Surely, goodness and mercy have followed me all the days of my life ;' and, oh ! for David's harp, that I might strike one glad anthem of love and praise. " But, alas ! my heart, I feel, is very cold and ungrateful, and very far from the habitation of perfect love and holiness. I often fear that I am making a kind of aifected humility when I write thus : that I am content to say, ' How vile I am !' when if I felt half the plague of my own heart, I would never allow myself a moment of ease until I obtained a wit- ness that my heart was right in the sight of God. And yet I feel that it is my heart's supreme desire to know and do the will of God. I feel that lie is drawing me to Himself by the ties of his endearing love, and is preparing me for an everlasting abode, ' an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.' 0 may the work of grace make rapid progress in mj heart, and may it not be long ere I may fully realize what it is to bo crucified to the world, its affections and lusts, and to know that my life is hid with Christ in God. " I will pray for grace to go from strength to strength, until I appear in Zion before God. I have cause to be thank- ful that I have been enabled to grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, within the period of my confinement to my room. ' It is. good for me that I have been afflicted.' I love to pray better than ever before, and sometimes have sweet access to my Heavenly Father. At such times I enjoy more happiness than the possession of all the treasures of earth could afford. My relish for the Bible is much increased. I find it of great advantage to read it with much prayer, — to petition every day that no other book may be allowed to withdraw my affections from it, — to open it with a prayer that I may feel to the utmost the insuffi- ciency of my own comprehension, and be inspired with hum))le yet aspiring faith. 'Open Thou mine eyes, that I may he- hold wondrous things out of thy law,' is my very fervent 1834.] WORKTOBEDONE. 79 prayer. It aflfords me great consolation to trust that I shall be enabled to love this blessed book better and better, that my spiritual taste wiU be quickened, while earth's fleeting vanities will in the same proportion appear insipid and unsa- tisfying. And, oh ! may I ever remember that it is quite impossible that I can ever think a good' thought, or perform a righteous action, unassisted by the Holy Spirit. " April 5th. — I have for a long time felt the importance of devoting my thoughts to God the moment I awake, but have much to contend with in this respect — many difficulties within and without. My old habit of castle-building has been a source of disadvantage ; and though I feel very thankful for a partial victory over this enemy of my soul, I find it necessary to keep constant watch. I do pray for grace to be regular in the discharge of my private duties ; in reading the Scriptures ; in prayer, and self-examination. The time I spend in their performance is truly the happiest of my life, and I rejoice to find that my love for them increases. The reflection, that I am so unprofitable a servant, causes much pain. Oh, why does not my heart overflow with love to sinners, and why do I not cast aside this sinful diffidence, and urge upon them immediate attention to their souls' best interests ? ' Open Thou my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Thy praise.' I have a strong impression that there is much for me to do ; that in this thing I must take up the Cross. I have been very remiss, and my conscience reproaches me. The sense of my great unworthiness and ignorance de- ters me from this duty, but I know this is a temptation ; as I know my duty so well, why not do it ? My responsibilities are very great ; oh, that my sense of them may increase. I cannot account for my feelings on this subject. I feel as if I ought to urge the subject of religion on all my worldly friends ; and if I do not, there is such a weight upon my heart : 0, Lord, show me Thy will, and I will trust Thee for strength to perform it. 80 GRATITUDE. [1834. " I have great cause to tliank m}^ Heavenly Fatlicr for lils exceeding goodness to my friends. Several of them are un- der very deep impression, and some of them have applied to me for counsel and encouragement. Ignorant and helpless as I am, God Vf'iW make me a messenger of grace to their souls, if I trust in Him. "I must tell them 'What a dear Saviour I have found,' and direct them to Him for 'grace to help in time of need.' I do implore Thee, 0 Lord, to deepen this work of grace in their hearts ; ' Increase this knowledge, and confirm this faith.' " ^'■Sunday, April Qth. — Another blessed Sabbath I Oh, Lord, give me grace to spend it according to Thy will. This day I always anticipate with pleasure. Although I cannot go to the sanctuary, I find it good to commune with my own heart in my chamber, and be still. Oh, what cause for thank- fulness have I in the goodness of my Heavenly Father in thus refreshing my thirsty soul with the dews of his grace ! Every day, and every waking hour does He visit me with the influences of His Holy Spirit, and even my dreams are sometimes profitable to my soul. I sometimes wake with comforting passages of Scripture impressed upon my mind. Was any one ever more unworthy ? I desire a deep and abiding sense of my own sinfulness, and of the infinite mercy of God. I want to look beyond myself to Jesus. I have not simple faith : oh, how I long for it ! Lord, that I know not, teach Thou me, I pray Thee. " I trust I shall grow in grace this day. I desire to be altogether spiritual ; but, oh, what difficulty I find in guard- ing my thoughts. I would that I could always remember that they are heard in heaven. If I wish to be a happy Christian, I must consecrate every thought, word, and action ; every faculty, moral and intellectual, to the Lord. Have I done this in reality ? "I desire to be deeply taught of tlie Spirit. I know tliat 1834.] PRAYER FOR SELF-KNOWLEDGE. 81 I cannot, of myself, think a good thought : I am glad of that. What a blessed reflection, that God has midertaken this work, and leaves nothing for me to do but to submit to His gui- dance. The greatest deficiency of my soul is want of love to Jesus, and of simple faith in his merits. I make religion too abstract : surely it is a very simple thing : why do I not feel it so ? 0, Almighty Father, who now seest the inmost re- cesses of my heart, look down upon me, I pray Thee, and pierce my soul with the sword of Thy Spirit. Open Thou mine eyes that I may see the wondrous things of Thy law. Grant me such a view of my situation in Thy sight, as is con- sistent with Thy will. 0, let me not be deceived, I pray Thee, for Thou knowest, and I have, in some degree, felt the deceitfulness of my heart, and the multitude of my spiritual enemies, and I long to be delivered from them all. Oh, be merciful to me a sinner, and purify my soul from sin. ' Let not any iniquity have dominion over me, for I have chosen the way of Thy commandments.' Righteousness of my own I can never have, but I pray Thee, 0 Lord, to let me, by faith, appropriate the righteousness of Christ, through whose merits alone I have any hope of eternal life. " Oh, it is a solemn thing, thus to invite the inspection of a heart-searching God ; but it is far better that I should do it now, that I may be cleansed from all unrighteousness, and led into the way of truth, than that I should be awakened from a state of sinful security to the horrors of eternal misery. Oh, why should any poor sinner refuse the invitations of love and mercy ? ' Ho ! every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters ; and he that hath no money.' How entirely does this suit me ! I thirst : I have no money : and, blessed be the name of the Lord, I have tasted of the fountain of liv- ing waters. " ' As the hart panteth after the water-brooks, so longeth my soul after Thee, 0 God. My soul thirsteth for God, even the living God : when shall I come to appear before God !' F 82 DEEP IMPRESSIONS. [1834. " Truly, if a taste for spiritual enjoyments is an evidence of a renewed nature, I may safely conclude tliat I have passed from death unto life, for every thing else seems compara- tively dull and tasteless." ^^ April 8th. — I have been the subject of very deep im- pressions for a few days past. I trust they will be blessed to my soul. I was very ill on Sunday, and thought that I was about to exchange the scenes of earth for the realities of eternity. The apparent nearness of death did not alarm me, for I felt that my trust was in the Rock of Ages ; but I did not experience the support that will, I believe, be vouch- safed me when the hour of dissolution shall arrive. How it would rejoice my heart to leave all my friends with the as- sured hope of a blissful reunion on the shores of Canaan's happy land ! 0, my Heavenly Father, make me, I pray Thee, to lead a holy and consistent life, that my instrumen- tality may be blessed to their eternal weal. I want humility. I fear the effect of the praises which are so undeservedly be- stowed upon me. Oh, may I ever feel that ' every good and perfect gift cometh from above,' and if my Heavenly Father has been pleased to lift up the light of His countenance upon me, let me never attribute the bright ray to the reflection of my own virtues. I ardently long for the time when ' the Sun of Righteousness shall arise with healing in his wings,' and make all light and glorious wdthin. I ardently desire, I will ever pray and strive, and never rest until the work of sanc- tification is completed in my heart. Is it presumption to say this ? Have I not often experienced the deceitfulness of my heart, and its continual proneness to err ; and shall I believe that so high and holy a resolve will ever be executed ? Yes, I make it in the strength of the Lord of Hosts, and I am persuaded that ' He is able to keep that which I have com- mitted unto him against that day." " lOf A. — I was thankful to awake this morning in a de- votional frame, and to be able to make my morning prayers 1834.] WORKTOBEDONE. 83 with fervor and sincerity. I feel the importance of devoting the first moments of the day to God. I had much cause for self-reproach last evening. I indulged in trifling conversa- tion at a time when, if my heart had been properly affected, I might have introduced some profitable remarks. So many opportunities neglected of speaking a word in season, and out of season. My conscience has become very tender on this subject, and yet what amendment has been produced ? " I think I see a glimmering of light on this subject. Something tells me there is woi'k for me to do : that I must warn those around me with faithfulness of their danger, and urge them to flee to Jesus for safety ; and then alarmed and distrustful self starts up, and asks, 'What ! is so unworthy an instrument as I to be employed ? one so ignorant, so helpless ? Oh, let me ever remember that God is able to make a witness of His pardoning love, even of me, poor, weak and sinful as I am ; and if His Holy Spirit puts words into my mouth, to warn and comfort my fellow-creatures, let me not rebel against his blessed influences. 0, may the fear of man be taken from my heart ! May every faculty and feeling be brouglit into obedience to my Heavenly Father's will ! I pray for grace to discern it clearly. I feel that I have been unfaithful to my friends. I offer the prayer, ' De- liver me from blood-guiltiness,' with a feeling that I incur the danger. " I did not expect to have these feelings. I thought that so humble a Christian as I, a very babe in spiritual attain- ments, though, alas, not one in simplicity and love, would be suflered to pass along in silence. But I see now that it is the duty and privilege of every child of God to become a herald of the cross ; and God will bless the feeblest efforts made in dependence on His power. 0, that self were anni- hilated, and that I had no desire but to know and do the will of God, Avithout reference to human opinion or ap- 84 ELEVEN weeks' CONFINEMENT. [1834. plause. Oh, to tLink of praising and loving God forever and forever ! " I must not forget that I defended some of my own opi- nions to-day, with some degree of obstinacy. I do not think it was perceptible to others, but let me remember that God seeth not as man sees. I implore Thee, .0, my Father, to make me meek and humble as a little child. " I think I do feel thankful to God for His goodness to others. Every sinner, saved by grace, is a guarantee of His love for me. I feel comforted and encouraged to follow their good examples, that I may with them inherit the pro- mises. Sometimes I seem to have deeper views of religion. I see that the path that leads the Christian home to God is a strait and narrow one. Do I desire to widen it ? No ! I only pray for grace to confine myself to it. Lord, deepen the work of grace in my heart. Indeed I am sincere." " ll^/i. — I rode out this morning, after having been con- fined eleven weeks to the house. I was really delighted to breathe the fresh air again. I was much fatigued, and have had a good deal of pain. I wish I were more grateful for the strength which is given me to endure sufiering. I do not prize it as I ought. I pray that it may not be taken from me. " I have been enabled to-day to keep collected and tran- quil, but was disappointed in having so little solitude. I have learned to pray in the midst of a crowd, but I very often long for privacy. At such times, I think what a blessed thing it will be to praise God to all eternity; to be an inhabitant of that abode where all is harmony, and peace, and love. I believe that my ' title is clear to mansions in the skies.' ' Lord, increase my faith.' " " April 12fh. — I have been over to see Mrs. L., and was glad to be permitted to see so great an exhibition of simple dependence on the merits of a Redeemer. Oh, it does en- courage and comfort me to see such ' a cloud of witnesses' to 1834.] HEFLECTIONS. 85 tlie loving-kindness of the Lord. May this visit be abund- antly blessed to my soul. I was forcibly reminded of the text, ' How excellent is thy loving-kindness, 0 God ! there- fore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Thy wings.' Oh, what an all-sufficient support is religion! Of sickness, sorrow, suffering of any kind, the Christian may say, 'None of these things move me.' Dear Saviour, let me never dishonor Thee by sinful doubts and fears. I am one of thy sheep — very sickly, and much disposed to wander — but the Good Shepherd, who ' giveth his life for the sheep,' will not, surely, suffer them to wander from him. " I pray Thee to preserve me from all trust in my own works ; from the odious sin of self-righteousness ; neither let me be discouraged on account of my sins. Jesus Christ is ray Saviour, not myself. I long for entire spirituality, for a spirit of self-renunciation. This is the last day of the week. I anticipate to-morrow with delight." " April 13^ A, Sunday. — The text for to-day is, ' Because Thou hast been my help, therefore under the shadow of Thy wings will I rejoice.' For this cause may I ever praise and love the Lord. He has been my help, and I long for a heart full of praise. This is a blessed day, and I desire long to bear it in remembrance. " It is a sweet spring morning ; the birds are singing, and the trees beginning to put forth their verdure. ' When winter's gloomy reign is o'er, All nature is renewed by spring's reviving breath ; Thus shall Thy Spirit, Lord, restore Life to my dreary soul, strength to my wavering faith.' " I could not go to church this morning, but God has sent me help from the sanctuary. I have much enjoyed the quiet of my chamber. Solitude is often to be esteemed one of the richest blessings, and when it is gone we learn to prize it. " I love to think, on Sunday, of the multitudes of God's children who are scattered upon the earth. I love to think 86 LOVE FOR SOLITUDE. [1834. of Missionaries who are now pursuing their labor of love amid the Western wilds, and in far countries. I love to think of temples raised in the wilderness, and hearts consecrated to the service of the living God in the midst of the heathen ; and I can sympathize with those who are stretched on a bed of languishing. How sweet it is for them, and for me, to feel that the word is nigh us, even in our hearts. Oh, I feel that ' this peaceful calm within my breast ' is, indeed, ' the sure pledge of heavenly rest.' May I be more fervent in prayer during the remainder of this day." " 14i7i. — I believe that my Heavenly Father is drawing me nearer to Himself by the sweet influence of the Holy Spirit. I long to be more closely united to Christ. Yester- day was a happy day : I had much solitude : and solitude is to me an invaluable thing. I spent the early part of the morning in prayer and self-examination, the remainder in reading the Bible, and then retired to bed in acute bodily suffering, but with a trust that God will bless it to my soul, and, I hope, to the spiritual welfare of others. I had a hot fever ; felt very far from well, and reflected that the remain- der of my sojourn here will probably be passed in aggravated bodily suff"ering. To the flesh this is rather a dark picture, but the light of faith illumines it. My Heavenly Father has supported me ; he has even made me feel that mine are ' light afilictions,' and I believe that, through His infinite mercy, they will work for me a ' far more exceeding and eter- nal weight of glory.' I am willing to sufier the will of the Lord, and even thankful. I have felt to-day, as I should suppose a person in the last stage of consumption would feel, such exceeding weakness, and pain in my breast ; but I have been supported. Oh, then, let me not doubt. " I had a very pleasant ride this afternoon. I felt inte- rested for the souls of the multitudes I saw in the streets. The country looked very sweet : how much more beautiful 1834.] SUFFERING AND PEACE. 87 will be the better country ! Oli, that I may be safely land- ed there ere long, if it be my Heavenly Father's will." " 15^7i. — Another day of bodily suffering and peace of mind has passed. Oh, that I could praise my Heavenly Fa- ther as I ought for his exceeding mercies. Spiritual bless- ings seem to me more than ever desirable. " If I can judge from feelings, I shall not live very long. I suffer more and more. * 'Tis my happiness below. Not to live without the cross ; But the Saviour's power to know, Sanctifying every loss.' " " 16th. — Let me retire with a grateful heart for the con- tinued mercies of this day, both temporal and spiritual. I enjoyed my twilight hour of devotion more than usual, and during the evening had sweet relief from prayer. I have not, as I once had, a continual weight at my heart. I know now where to go with my perplexities and sufferings. How ar- dently I desire a nearer approach to my Saviour ! It is, I feel, only in a near union with Him that safety consists. I finished to-day, Henry Martyn's Life : I prayed earnestly that I might derive instruction from it, and trust that I have." ^^IStJi. — This is our lecture night, and I determined to spend it in my room, and hold communion in secret, but I have been weighed down by pain, and have really been scarcely able to think connectedly, but I can thank my Hea- venly Father for my afflictions, for I know that He will sanctify them. I think my faith is strengthened. I can never be satisfied till I know more of Jesus ; until my love for Him is entire ; my trust unshaken. ' Love divine, how sweet thou art !' " CHAPTER VI. 1834. Convictions of Duty — Letter of Encouragement — Assurance — Enjoy- ment of Christian Biography — Love for Society of Christians — De- light in the Lav/ of God — Interest in the Church — Letter to an Enquirer — Dr. Bedell's Death — Funeral Sermon — Religious Souvenir. Could eleven weeks of imprisonment and suffering have been more profitably spent ! How was the Saviour's promise fulfilled to this his meek, languishing, waiting disciple : " If a man love me he will keep my words, and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him and make our abode with him." These pantings after holiness and God, these sweet refreshing glimpses of the Saviour and his kingdom, this discovery of the treasures of knowledge, wisdom and love, hid in the divine word, are undeniable proofs of the presence and the instruction of the Holy Ghost the Com- forter. And when we trace such a record of the inner life of a young and admired female, whose twenty-first year is not yet completed, have we not cause to exclaim, " Who teacheth like Him?" We cannot forbear to notice, in this heart-chronicle, the allusion to the deep impression of the writer that there was a work for her to do, and that this commission specially was to urge upon her fellow-creatures " immediate attention to their souls' best interests." " Something tells me that there is work for me to do ; that I must warn those around me with faithfulness of their danger, and urge them to flee to Jesus for safety." How well and faithfully this work was done, there are many witnesses. And how effectually this work can be done by woman, without stepping beyond her own sphere, even by the enfeebled and secluded invalid, will be (88) 1834.] CONVICTIONS OF DUTY. 89 evident to every attentive reader of this biography. When we compare, with her subsequent course, this transcript of her early and deep convictions as to the duty of direct per- sonal effort for the salvation of others, we may recognize with devout gratitude the agency of the Spirit, preparing her for future and extended usefulness. Designs of mercy for many souls besides her own were connected with this allot- ment of suff'ering. God was preparing a fit messenger to invite the impoverished and the thirsting to the living waters. The Saviour was fitting a polished shaft to his bow of strength. And while purifying the soul of his handmaiden, as gold is purified seven times in the fire, he impressed upon her inmost heart the nature of the work which he had for her to do. It was no vague, enthusiastic impression ; no mysti- cal, unaccountable fancy. But it Avas the clear, calm con- viction of an understanding and conscience enlightened by the word and Spirit of God : the overflowing sympathy of a heart constrained by the love of Christ, and responding to the Master's charge, " Freely ye have received, freely give." She was not disobedient to what she interpreted to be a ' heavenly voice ;' and to recommend the Lord Jesus and his salvation to the unconverted, became a fixed principle of her life. And for the different stages to which the pilgrim to- wards the heavenly Zion had attained, for the varied diffi- culties, temptations and trials of the way, she had ever ready the appropriate and seasonable counsel, drawing con- stantly on her own experience, and on the treasures of the word of God. Letter to a Frietid. "April 13, 1834. * * * " This has been to me a most delightful day. I have spent nearly all of it in the solitude of my chamber, and I felt that my feelings could harmonize with the tranquillity and peace that surrounded me. The air was very balmy, the birds singing in the trees, the grass green, and I could almost have fancied myself in the country. I felt something of the Sabbath of the soul. Among other causes of gratitude that warmed my heart, the contemplation of my 8* 90 LETTER OF ENCOURAGEMENT. [1834. Heaven]}' Father's poodness towards thee, dear E., has not been for- gotten. Tlie reception of thy letter was much desired, and its pe- rusal gave me great satisfaction. This may seem cruel, but can I otherwise than rejoice when I witness evidences of ' godly sorrow/ that will, I trust, work 'repentance not to be repented of?' Rejoice, dear E., in the loving-kindness of our Heavenly Father; thank Him that He has made thee feel the plague of thy own heart; remember that He wounds to heal. ' Tiie bruised reed will He not break, the smoking flax will He not quench.' He has said, ' Come unto me, all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest ;' and ' Whosoever cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.' Do not fear to trust Him who was crucified for tlice, and who is ' faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.' The twilight hour has come, and I will now pray for thee, that thee may have grace to help in time of need. '■'■Tue&daij eve. — I shall not feel quite comfortable until I have dispatched this letter, for although I feel my inability to 'minister to a mind diseased,' yet with my Heavenly Father's aid I would direct thy attention to the Balm of Gilead, 'a sovereign balm for every wound, a cordial for our fears.' Thee says, dear E., that thee feels 'a deep sense of thy sinfulness in the sight of a pure and holy God, and thy need of the redeeming blood of Jesus.' With these feelings, thee is as worthy a suppliant as has ever since the creation sought and found redemption. Thee 'prays for faith.' Thank heaven, this is a prayer which, if offered with sincerity and humility, never has been and never will be rejected to all eternity. "And now let me offer a few words of advice, which, if thee will be persuaded to take, will save thee from much danger and needless suffering. Do not stop, dear E., to' analyse thy feelings. Do not wait to consider how deep a sense of sinfulness thee has attained, how fur thee is indifferent to things of a worldly nature, and whether a spiritual taste has been excited in thy heart, but go to Jesus just as thou art. Remember that He sees and pities thy infirmities, and is more willing to extend relief than thou to ask it. If thee cannot believe, let thy prayer be, ' Help thou mine unbelief,' and I have the authority of my Maker to promise thee that thy prayer will be answered. Oh, be very fervent in prayer, and if thy prayers are cold, do not be discouraged — do not sin against God by doubting His mercy. " I would recommend to thy attention the fift3'-fifth chapter of Fsaiah. We have, indeed, ' exceeding great and precious promises.' 1834.] CIIURCir PRIVILEGES. 91 "I think I understand, tliy ch;iracfer, and I sympathize with the trials with which thee h;!s to contend, as experience has taught me their painful and injuriuns influence; but no difficulties are too great for the transforming power of Divine grace. "I have wasted so many hours in fruitless speculation on subjects in which I have no immediate concern, and have found this habit so detrimental to my soul's best interests, that I would warn thee against it. Why cannot we feel that we are nothing, that we know nothing, and can do nothing, that we are as clay in the hands of the potter. Oh, there is nothing so desiraWe as an humble, child-like spirit. ' Whosoever shall humble himself as this little child, the same shall be greatest in the kingdom of heaven,' are the words of our Saviour; and what are we, that we should presume to weigh the counsels of the Most High in the balance of our feeble, tiny reason? Truly, the Lord is merciful and gracious, ' slow to anger and plen- teous in mercy.' Thee will find it very profitable to read the Scrip- tures with the prayer, * Open tliou mine eyes that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law;' and I can tell thee from experience, that the more frequently and the more prayerfully thee does this, the more simple will appear the plan of salvation, and wisdom's ways more pleasant and peaceful. "I feel my weakness and unworthiness when I would advise an- other, but I can fearlessly direct thy attention to the source whence I have experienced relief, to the fountain of living waters, from which I trust thee and I will continue to drink, until we are made inha- bitants of the city of God which is watered by the river of life." ^^Suiidaj/, 20th. — I was mercifully permitted to go to church this morning, after an absence of twelve weeks, and I trust I have learned, in some degree, to prize this privilege, though not exempt from the attacks of my old enemy — w^andcrino' thou2;hts. I know it is because I am not suffi- ciently watchful. Oh, I am afraid, — indeed, I know, that I look too much to my own heart. I have not a simple faith in my dear Saviour. The sermon was very solemn ; the text was, ' Do "we then make void the law through faith ?' I thought, as I looked on the pale countenance of our dear Pastor, that it would not be very long before we were both in the presence of our Mokcr. I trust it will bo with the church 92 ASSURANCE. [1834. of tlic first-born — the assembly of the just made perfect. I have cause to be thankful for the blessing of a faithful Pastor, and I trust if I am agnin permitted to listen to his teachings, I shall not suffer them to be unto me ' a savor of death unto death.' I feci assured that through the merits of my Re- deemer, I shall go from strength to strength, until I shall appear in Zion." The following letter, addressed to a very dear and valued Christian friend, is the first of several which Avill be intro- duced in this memoir : To Mrs. J. April 22d, 1834. Tor the affectionate interest you have manifested in my welfare I feel most grateful, and can assure you that it is warmly reciprocated. The friendsliip and companionship of any of the great 'cloud of witnesses,' whose faith and patience we are encouraged to follow, that we may with them inherit the promises, I deem one of the richest blessings that my Heavenly Father has bestowed upon me, and for the enjoyment of such society would gladly exchange any pursuit that has not a tendency to raise my thoughts heaven- ward. How often do I regret that I have so little profited by such intercourse ! . . . '' I rode to church last Sunday, after an absence of twelve weeks, and felt truly thankful to he permitted once more to enjoy a privi- lege, the value of which, I trust, I have in some degree learned to appreciate. Our dear pastor appears to be still declining in health, and I do not think it probable that Tils earthly pilgrimage will be long continued. IMr. has been very ill for a few weeks past, but has been better during the last few days. I was over to see him about ten days ago, and was much gratified by my visit. He is in a most desirable state, and though enduring much acute physi- cal suffering, has learned to esteem it a 'light affliction;' and truly it should be so considered, when we feel that it is the needful chas- tisement of a Father's love, and will, by His blessing, be made con- ducive to our eternal welfare. * Then not for us — oh, not for us To say what should bo given ; By Him who knows how much we need To turn our hearts to heaven.' " 1834.] SUFFERING. 93 ^^ Diary, April 2-^t7i. — I have felt unusually sad to-day, partly, perhaps, on account of physical suffering, but chiefly because I felt that my heart needed a deeper work of grace. I have no cause of sadness on this account, surely. He who has given me the desire will grant its fulfilment. I do ar- dently long for the light of my Heavenly Father's counte- nance. 0, for the faith that overcometh the world ! Well, I will wait patiently upon the Lord, and I am as well con- vinced as I am of my existence, that He will fulfil my desire." " 28fh. — I have sufiered more than I can express during the last two or three days. I do not think there can be the least probability of my restoration to health. I have thought so for a long time past, and sometimes hope, if it be right, that this mortal shall soon put on immortality. But I would have no will of my own on the subject. " The text for this evening is, ' Let them that sufier ac- cording to the will of God, commit the keeping of their souls to Him in well-doing, as unto a faithful Creator.' I desire ever to place my confidence in the supporting arm of my Heavenly Father, and I pray that He will send me all the affliction and suffering that He sees I need ; that He will sanctify every pain I feel. I very often ask myself whether I am fit, if suddenly taken, to appear in the presence of a holy, heart-searching God. I can only exercise a simple faith in Jesus. I have nothing to fear. I know that I will not be taken before my Heavenly Father sees that I am worthy, through Christ, of an everlasting abode in heaven, and I do, with entire sincerity, W^l ^^ lliva to do with me according to His will. " It seems strange that I, who know so little, should ever feel an emotion of spiritual pride, and yet I fear I have some- times felt it: what can be more odious in the sight of God? I am far from indifierent to the applause of men. May I 94 JOYINTHELORD. [1834. never be one of tliose who ' love the praise of men more than the praise of God.' " Dear Saviour, manifest Thyself in all Thy loveliness to my waiting heart, and make me thine forever. Lordj into Thy hands I commend my spirit, both now and ever, amen." '•''May A.ih^ Sunday. — IIow can I thank my Heavenly Father for His infinite mercy towards so unworthy a crea- ture ? I forget not his benefits ; I delight to remember them, but I want a new song put into my mouth. I want to bless, to glorify, to adore His holy name. ' 0 Lord, open Thou my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Thy praise.' How have I enjoyed this day ? And this happiness has been de- rived from the Soui'ce of life and light, not from the impure streams of the world's pleasure. I have tasted the water of life. / sliall drink and be satisfied. I was thankful this morning when I awoke and saw the sun shining through the window ; and though I was far from well, determined not to be prevented from going to the sanctuary. I went with a sincere prayer that the means of grace might be blessed to my soul, and my prayer was answered. I knew it would be. I did most cordially unite in the beautiful and sublime ser- vice of our church. I love it more and more, and wonder that any can think it tedious, at least any whose hearts have been touched by divine truth. - I was much aifected : the hymn was so beautiful, and the sermon one of the best I have ever been privileged to hear." '■'• Ma.y Sth. — I long for a greater manifestation of Divine love. I have a constant reaching forward to something which I have not attained. I am too indifferent. I do not strive as I ought, to enter in at the strait gate. I desire to have an exact understanding of my spiritual condition. I feel that it is not Avhat it ought to be : that I want more faith, hope, and charity. It seems to me that my religious feelings are deepening, rather than growing brighter : the subject is sel- dom absent from my mind: I could ahnost say never, when 1834.] THE ANTICIPATED ORDINANCE. 95 aAvake. I am sensible of feelings of solemnity that I have seldom known before — perhaps eternity is near. Well, be it so. I am persuaded that Jesus will be with me in my pas- sage through the dark valley. If I am not mistaken, it is the supreme desire of my heart to know and do the will of my Heavenly Father. I thank Him for the strength He gives me to suffer it. I long to know the length, and breadth, and height, and depth of the love of Christ. ' Jesus, my strength, my hope, On Thee I cast my care.' " 0, that my soul were drawn out in more fervent desires for the salvation of my friends, and for the redemption of every human being. I am often astonished at the coldness of my heart on this subject. Though I cannot perform a missionary's labor, I will pray for a missionary's spirit — a missionary's love for souls." '■''May 2l6'^. — My sufferings have so much increased, that it is very seldom that I feel able to make any record of this kind, or to hold epistolary intercourse Avith my friends, but in this it is my earnest desire to bow with entire submission to my Heavenly Father's will. Since I last wrote, I have been favored with many privileges, and have abundant cause for gratitude, but how comparatively heartless have been my thanks ! Did my salvation depend on my own works, I should have no hope, no security. It is to the merits of my dear Redeemer that I trust for pardon and grace. " Last Sabbath was a day I had long anticipated, and my desire to avail myself of the blessed ordinance of which I have been deprived during the last four months was gratified. I endeavored to spend the preceding week as much in prepa- ration for it as I could, and prayed earnestly that it might be accompanied with a blessing. I felt that I did truly re- pent of my past sins, was in love and charity with all men, and with the grace of God did most seriously intend to lead a new life, and felt a confidence that I did not unworthily 96 CHRISTIAN BIOGRAPHY. [1834. partake of so sacred and solemn an ordinance, though in me there is no good thing. " I have been reading, lately, ' Wolfe's Life,' and the ' Memoirs of Brainerd.' I think Christian biography very instructive, and I particularly enjoy the lives of Missionaries, because I find that my prayers are thereby rendered more fervent for the coming of the Redeemer'^ kingdom, and for the encouragement of the instruments He has chosen to pro- mote it. Oh, that the zeal of Martyn and Brainerd might be infused into every Christian bosom ; and 0 that I, Avho seem so useless, might be filled with the spirit of supplication that the Lord of the harvest will send forth laborers ! I am astonished at my indifference to these things, — it really alarms me. Almost all I can do is to pray, and my prayers are so cold and feeble that I am ashamed of them. 0, Lord, give mo entire dependence on the teachings of Thy Holy Spirit. " 23(1 — The country is always delightful to me, and it is more delightful to enjoy the society of true Christians, and the privilege of family worship. It difiuses a prayerful feel- ing over the heart, and renders it doubly susceptible of devout affections. I sometimes feel so ardent a love for those whom I believe are the followers of the Lamb, that I long for some mode of expressing it. I would prefer their society, amid the absence of external attractions, even in poverty and pain, to . the fellowship of the ungodly, though surrounded with wealth and splendor. '■''Sunday evening. — I have attended church twice to-day, and though often interrupted by wandering thoughts, have, in some degree, improved the privilege with which I have been blessed. I earnestly pray for grace to keep holy the Sabbath. I feel more and more the necessity, the benefit, and the delight of obeying this commandment, and I would have its importance every day more deeply impressed upon my mind. 1834.] DELIGHT IN THE LAW OF GOD. 97 " What a blessing it is that the law is so strict. ' Thy word is very pure, therefore Thy servant loveth it.' I have had great delight in reading the Bible to-day. I wonder that my heart is not more alive to its beauties. I much enjoyed evening devotion — I could scarcely bear to go to bed. IIow much more happiness is to be derived from such moments, than from the vain pursuits of this world ! If 1 live till to- morrow, I desire to be more instant in prayer, more patient in tribulation, more abundant in good words and works than I have been, and above all blessings, I desire and pray for a simple faith in the merits of my Redeemer, a grateful heart to praise Him for His love, and a spirit of deep humility. These, and every other blessing, I ask in the name of Jesus, to whom, with the Father and the Holy Ghost, I desire grace to ascribe, with my whole heart, glory and honor for ever and ever. Amen. " 29^7i. — The sufferings of this morning have exerted an influence against which I always contend. They have drawn many a tear from my eyes, but indeed they were not tears of repining, or unwillingness to suffer, for I can say sin- cerely, 'Even so, Father, for so it seemed good in Thy sight ;' and my earnest prayer is, that God will give me just that measure of suffering which He sees is best for me, and that, according to His promise. He will endue me with strength to bear it. And if the perishing of the outward man be rendered instrumental in renewing the inward man, shall I murmur, or even desire that the rose of health should bloom upon my cheek ? No, I would not even wish for the mitigation of a single pang. It is the supreme desire of my soul to adore and glorify God's holy name, and it is my brightest hope of heaven, that there I shall praise Him as I ought, and love Him as I would. The footsteps of decay come stealing on. To-night I feel in great pain. I do not like to tell others of it, for I wish to be entirely resigned and cheerful under suffering, and it is not good to complain. G 9 98 THOUGHTS OF HEAVEN. [1834. '■'■June 9t7i. — Teviora. — I am sitting in my sweet little room, listening to the warbling of tlie birds, enjoying the pure air, and breathing a fervent prayer that the solitude of the country may be blessed to my spiritual interests. Came up on Saturday, with my dear mother, and intend to make a sojourn of two or three weeks. I greatly prefer the country, but much regret the sanctuary. ' Truly my soul hath a de- sire and longing for the courts of the Lord,' Yesterday was the holj Sabbath, and I did earnestly pray that I might be enabled to spend it profitably, but it was not like the Sabbaths I spend at home. " I have always been astonished, since I have had some sense of the necessity of a change of heart, that I am not more interested in the salvation of others, and I believe it is because I have not faithfully improved the concern that has been given me. Now I have made it a subject of especial prayer that I may be rendered useful here, and have brought up some tracts that I hope may be blessed. I have several objects much at heart. " There is one person in whose spiritual interests I feel deep anxiety, and towards whom I have never discharged my duty. Now I know that if I pray fervently for the salvation of this person ; if, in the strength of the Lord, I endeavor to maintain a strictly consistent walk ; if, on all suitable occa- sions, I urge the importance of a change of heart, and the dangers of delay ; and if I constantly pray for the aid of the Spirit, and confidently trust in the promises of God, I shall not be disappointed. Oh, that I may be enabled to do all this ! Oh, that all fear and all love of the world may be taken out of my heart ! It is, perhaps, equally sinful to be discouraged by the wickedness of my heart, and to think well of it. '' It drew tears of gratitude and delight from my eyes to witness so many proofs of the growing prosperity of our be- loved Church. It will be impossible to express the affection 1834.] INTEREST IN THE CHURCH. 99 I feel for it. I do earnestly desire to be preserved from illi- berality to other denominations. With all that are orthodox I feel great unity, and can attend their churches with plea- sure and profit. But my love for my own dear church is of a peculiar kind. It is, more than any other, the home of my heart. Her government appears to me to be more consistent with Scripture, and I do not think this opinion is the result of prejudice, for I was not brought up in her bosom. Her services are sublime and impressive, and I do hope have been blessed to my soul. Her ministers, with whom I have been acquainted, have, most of them, appeared to be devoted Christians, faithful soldiers of the cross ; although there is reason to fear that into her communion some unfaithful shep- herds have intruded. " There is a peculiar solemnity in the worship of the Epis- copal Church that is very profitable to me. ' The Lord' seems indeed ' in his holy temple,' and my heart echoes the words, 'Let all the earth keep silence before Him.' And there is great satisfaction in uniting with God's people in heartfelt expressions of sinfulness, and prayers for pardon. Our solemn Litany strengthens my soul, and though our sacred music does not always kindle in my heart the rapture of de- votion, it deepens my desire to ofi"er a worthy sacrifice of thanksgiving — to ' sing the song of Moses and of the Lamb.' Oh, may I sing it for ever and ever before the throne of the Most High ! I have felt St. Andrew's to be truly the temple of the Lord, and I eagerly anticipate the period of my return home, that, if it is my Heavenly Father's will, I may once more enter its sacred courts. ' Walk about Zion, go round about her, and tell the towers thereof; mark well her bul- warks, set up her houses, that ye may tell them that come after. For this God is our God, for ever and ever ; He shall be our guide unto death.' " 12^A. — I have been lying down the greater part of the day, and have suffered even more than usual. I have now 100 DIARY. [1834. fin agonizing pain in my breast, but have great cause to be thankful for the patience that is given me to support suffer- ing. My earnest prayer is, ' Lord, increase my faith.' " Oh, what is there in this workl calculated to impart satis- faction to one who has been made to thirst for living waters — to hunger for the bread of life ? Truly, all is vanity ; and intercourse with worldly people is to me more productive of vexation of spirit than any thing else, except my own short- comings. ^^ Sunday. — Sunset. — This has been a lovely day. This is to me a blessed and happy season, — 'Return, thou wished and welcome guest, Thou day of holiness and rest, Thou best and dearest of the seven, Emblem and harbinger of heaven.' If my life be spared another week, I trust I shall grow in grace — that I shall be more careful to say nothing of others that I would not have them say of me — more watchful against idle words and wandering thoughts — more careful to cultivate a spirit of humility. I have been engaged the greater part of the morning in hearing the servants read, and in reading and talking to them. I never before have felt so much liberty in speaking, and I hope that what I have said may be blessed, as it did Jiot come from myself, but from God. The promise, ' My word shall not return unto me void,' very often encourages me, when I see little reason to hope for good effects. Oh, if I were a devoted Christian, to how many souls I might be blessed ! All I want is simple faith in Jesus. How much I enjoy this solitude — at night, especially ! There is no one to tempt me to talk, and thereby to keep away good thoughts. "19f7i!. — I have concluded that the troublesome diffidence that so much mars my pleasure, when in a great deal of com- pany, is nothing in the world but pride in the garb of humi* lity. I would desire ever to go into company with a prepared 1834.] LETTERS. 101 heart, and wLilc surrounded by otliers, endeavor at all times to remember that the all-seeing eye is ujion me. I desire to be divested of a love of admiration and applause, but to be polite to all, and then I shall be enabled to escape the dan- gers which attend intercourse with the world. Oh, that my thoughts, words and deeds were all purified by heavenly grace. When shall the happy time arrive ! To Mrs. J. Bucks County, June 13th, 1834. " You see I am not at quite so great a distance, nay dear Mrs. J., as when I last wrote ; and I can assure you that, to my heart, you are nearer and dearer than ever. The assurance of your continued remembrance was most gladly received. * * * You observe that, 'truly the Christian's life is pleasant, and all its paths are peace.' To this assertion my heart re-echoes a cordial amen ; for, although my footsteps have but lately turned into this narrow road that ' leads the Christian home to God,' and though, from a sinful want of confidence in my Heavenly Guide, I am prone to look rather to myself than Him, still I can truly say, that I had much rather encounter any and every difficulty, than turn aside into the broad path, for ' the air is purer, the scenery more beautiful, the society far superior, the flowers strewed by the way-side never fading, and the termination of the pilgrimage is the better country.' I very often think that if I, a very huhe in Christ, have experienced the pleasantness and the peacefulness of this path so fully as to find every other dry and barren, how, beyond all comprehension, must be the happiness of the established, of the devoted Christian ! "You very kindly, my dear Mrs. J., express an interest in my health, and ask my physician's opinion concerning it. I do not think he has, for a long time, entertained any expectation of my re- covery; and when he discovered that the experiment of quietude had proved unproductive of benefit, he assured me that every exer- tion of skill had been made in vain, and my case must now be left, to nature — he had better have said in the hands of God. He says that it is nut impossible that I may live a long time yet. It is my desire to have no will at all on this subject, but to be ever enabled to say, — ' Come, then, affliction, if my Father bids, and be my frowning friend, A friend tliat frowns is better than a smiling enemy.' 0* 102 LETTERS. [1834. " My strength is increased, but I have more pain than when con- fined to my bed. I was truly thankful to 'enter the gates of the Lord with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise,' but, oh, how very cold is my thanksgiving; how faint my praise in comparison with the mercy which has been extended towards me ! Oh, pray for me, that I may be enabled to praise the Lord as I ought, and to love him as I would, for it is in love that I am, of all things, most deficient. There is very little in my heart, and though the convic- tion of the truth often very much discourages me, still I hope and believe that the Sun of Righteousness will, in His own good time, rise with healing in His wings, and illuminate the innermost recesses of my soul. Oh, I long for a simple faith. I long to trust and love my Redeemer as I ought. It gives me much pleasure to know that I have your prayers for my spiritual welfare. Oh, let them be very earnest, for I need them." To Miss E. N. June 29, 1834. " I wish, dear E., thee were here to share with me the solitude of my chamber to-day. It is not often that I desire society on the Sabbath, but I trust that you would 'remember to keep it holy.' There is scarcely any duty which more imperatively urges itself upon my conscience than that of keeping sacred this day — * the best, the dearest of the seven ; emblem and harbinger of heaven.' The in- junction contained in the 58th chap, and 13th verse of Isaiah, has made a strong impression on my mind. I always find that the in- fluence of the Sabbath extends itself throughout the week. To-day the weather detains me from the sanctuary ; but I rejoice that the Lord is ever ready to send * help from the sanctuary, and to strengthen me out of Zion,' and I trust He will aid me with the influences of His Spirit to speak to thee, my dear friend, of those things that con- cern our peace. " The Lord has been very merciful to thee, in having thus awakened thee from the lethargy which has hitherto benumbed thy spiritual faculties ; and does thee think that, after having made thee sensible of thy danger, He will leave thee unprovided with the means of escape ? No ! my friend : fly to the Refuge, to the Rock of our salvation, and thee need not fear, for * God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble.' I do most deeply sympa- thize with thy doubts and fears. I have known them all, to a very great extent, but now; though I feel, much more sensibly than then, 1834.] LETTERS. 103 my utter helplessness and depravity, my trust is in Jesus, and I know that in Him is my 'wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctifica- tion and redemption.' "■ I am not at all astonished at thy reluctance to speak freely on this all-important subject. I have suffered much from it, and have often thought that this timidity was nothing more or less than a temptation of our great adversary, to prevent me from receiving counsel and encouragement that might have blessed my soul. I do not think that personal experience should be the constant topic of conversation ; it is at the throne of grace we can best unburthen our feelings ; but I think it is according to our Heavenly Father's will that ' they who fear the Lord should speak often to one another,' and it is not only a privilege, but a duty, to ask and receive Christian counsel. I know that it has been blessed to me. Pray for me, dear E., that, while in the strength of the Lord I would encourage thee to 'follow on to know the Lord,' my own heart may be filled with faith and humility. I am myself very, very young in spiritual attainments, and we will pursue our path together. "Do not wait, dear E., until thee finds thee loves to pray, to sup- plicate for pardon and for peace, but try to have regular seasons for devotion ; and at other times, too, present thyself just as thee is before the Lord. He knows the thoughts and intents of thy heart, and He will most assuredly lift up the light of His countenance upon thee. This promise has often comforted me — 'Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness, and hath no light ? let him trust in the name of the Lord, and stay upon his God.' I am glad thee has Clarke's Scripture Promises. Is it not a sweet book ? " I do so much enjoy the beauties of nature. Our Heavenly Father has provided us with so many sources of enjoyment, that if our hearts were in the state they ought to be, they would be always filled with thanksgiving. ' The hill of Zion yields A thousand sacred sweets, Before we reach the heavenly fields, Or walk the golden streets.' "Let us ever fervently pray for the blessing of a grateful heart." * * * 104 LETTERS. [1834. To her Sister IS. July Ist, 1834. ''I sliould be delighted to liave you with me, my beloved sister, to enjoy tbif. lovely morning. The foliage looks as fresh and beautiful as though it had just started into life ; the air is rendered still more balmy by the fragrance of the new-mown grass ; the birds seem striving to excel each other in the production of harmonious sounds ; and the scene is enlivened by the bright beams of the king cf day, who seems as though he were, indeed, ' rejoicing in the East.' I lonor to unite in this universal concert, and to make ' melody in my heart to the Lord ;' but like the dark cloud that I see advancing to cast its gloomy reflection o'er this lovely scene, are the unsanctified imagi- nations and feelings that too often disturb the serenity of my soul, and keep it out of tune; but as there is a better country on which the Sun of Kighteousness is ever shining, it is a blessed hope that, through the merits of my Redeemer, I shall there forever dwell. 'There sin shall never more annoy, Tears shall bo chased by smiles of joy, Prayer end in praise, hope in delight, And faith be changed to perfect sight.' " I have thought much of you, my dear sister, since wc have been separated, and my thoughts have been of a very kindly nature. It gives me great pleasure to know, too, that, ' with all my faults, you love me still.' Shall not our affection, my friend and sister, be strengthened by faith's enduring ties ? Equally needy, equally un- deserving, shall we not for each other petition the Throne of Grace, and surely our Father in Heaven, who is ever ready to bestow good gifts upon His children, will grant us more and better than we ask. He is truly a God of mercy and of love, and it is a mournful thing that our hearts are not more sensible of this truth. But then ' God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.' Oh, let the inmost recesses of our souls be thrown open to this heavenly radiance; let not unbelief keep closed a single avenue. I do not say these things as a matter of course, dear sister; it is not to assume the character of superior sanctity. I do really feel them far more powerfully than I can ex- press; and when the enemy of my soul would tempt mo to question the genuineness of these feelings, I can look up to the Searcher of hearts, and say with perfect confidence, 'Oh Lord, Thou knoivest that 1834.] DISTASTE FOR WORLDLY CONVERSATION. 105 I am sincere.' It is my earnest prayer, ' Search me, oh God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts, and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting ;' and though I am conscious of inconsistency of conduct, and still greater inconsistency of feeling, I dare not doubt that He who has begun and carried on the work of grace in my heart, will perfect that which concerneth me. For me is the promise, ' Blessed are they who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled.' "And is it not for you also, dear sister, and will you not accept its fulfilment? ' God is not willing that avi/ should perish, but that all should have everlasting life.' Oh, then, in the name of my Re- deemer, I do implore you to yield your heart to the influences of the Holy Spirit. I would not that you should be like me, weak in faith, cold in love, ungrateful and rebellious ; but it would rejoice my heart to see you far outstrip me in the heavenly race, and I would ask strength from above to animate my tardy footsteps, that I might overtake you, and that we might together press towards the mark. You have no cause for discouragement. Again and again you have been almost j^crsuaded, and you can never be better pre- pared than at this moment. " Oh ! then, dearest sister, accept the invitation of Him who has said, ' Come unto me, all ye that are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.' " ^'■July IQth. — I am very far from well this morning, and my mind remarkably empty of good thoughts. When shall every thought be brought into captivity ? I shall never be satisfied, till that time arrives. It is very unprofitable and disagreeable to engage in worldly conversation, and especially on the afiairs of other people. I have so great a distaste to this kind of conversation, that I know I sometimes appear rude, for I endeavor to keep my mind as much abstracted from the subject as possible. I would love to be surrounded by an atmosphere of piety, the society of devoted Christians, and yet I am not fit for it, I fear, for I have so many vain thoughts. I have received a great many sweet letters. How thankful I feel for them ! " Thursday was not profitably spent — weak in body — 106 MORTALITY. [1834. weaker in faith. Thursday morning the same — evening in mental idleness. " This is quite a serious time. Sickness and death all around us. May the solemn warning be sanctified to many souls. May multitudes be converted to the Lord. There seem to be so few here who are alive to their immortal in- terests. I know not but I may be the next ; if so, I would with humility express my confidence, that 'if the earthly house of this tabernacle be dissolved, I have a building of God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.' I can freely trust myself, and all that concerns me, to the care of my Father in heaven. i'28th. — To-morrow, if I live, will be my birth-day. I desire to devote it especially to the Lord. Hitherto hath the Lord helped me, and the wing of his protection has been more manifestly extended over me during the last twelve months. Severe and continued bodily sufi'ering has been my portion. I think that during this time I have not known one waking hour of exemption from pain, — perhaps not many moments. I have endured many privations, and have been kept from the sanctuary much more frequently than has been agreeable to my inclinations, — but what goodness and mercy have followed me all this year ! The Lord has strengthened me on my bed of languishing."^ To the same. "Aug. 1, 1834. " Many tears were caused to flow by the perusal of your letter, my beloved Sister, produced by mingled emotions of gratitude to our Heavenly Father, and love and sympathy for you. Yours is a ' godly sorrow that worketh repentance not to be repented of/ and it is my firm belief that the ' God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly,' and that He will fill you with 'joy and peace in believing.' You have been made to ' hunger and thirst after right- eousness,' and you * sliall he filled.' Oh, how full is my heart of love for you ! How earnestly have I prayed this day that God will perfect the work He has begun, and continued in your heart, and 1834.] LETTER TO A SISTER. 107 that He -will give you that faith that ' overcometh the world !' How entirely can I sympathize with the feelings and the ivant of feeling you express ! To one unawakened by Divine influence they would be altogether unintelligible, but I have known them all, mourned them all. I know whence they come, and whither they will lead you. I fully comprehend the diflSculties that beset you in your path, and which are in a greater or less degree experienced by every one whose attention has been forcibly arrested by this important subject. It is a mysterious thing that we are commanded to ' work out our own salvation with fear and trembling,' and yet 'it is God that worketh in us both to will and to do of His own good pleasure.' The Spirit alone can reveal these things to us ; and it is a blessed truth, that ' whosoever will, can take of the water of life freely.' Thousands and tens of thousands have been 'more than conquerors through Him that loved them,' and why, my dear Sister, should not you be brought into the glorious liberty of the children of God ? Is your heart more cold, your sins more aggravated, than those of any other created being, that God should regard you with less favor, and be unwilling to give you the same blessings? Oh ! 'be not faithless, but believing,' and you shall be filled with ' the peace of God which passeth understanding.' Your face is turned Zionward, and you have only to 'go from strength to strength.' * * * a J ^ag much surprised and affected by the expression of your opinion of the consistency of my conduct, and though it seems strange to me that you should have formed such an estimate of my character, it is indeed a very great encouragement ; and if the strength my Heavenly Father has given me to fight against the cor- ruption of my nature, and to endure physical suffering, be an added inducement to ?/o?( to rely upon His love and mercy, I have tenfold cause to praise and bless His holy name. Were I the most exem- plary saint and martyr who has ever glorified God on earth, the praise and power would belong to Him alone, for, ' not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us,' and I know that you are too sensible of this truth to wish to praise or to flatter me. I do most deeply feel that I have not, as I ought, discharged my high responsibilities, and that it is only be- cause 'God is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy,' that He continues to me the blesisings of His grace. It is my daily and my fervent prayer that I may be preserved from self- righteousness or self-dependence in the smallest degree, for I am very prone to it ; and it is necessary for me ever to bear in remera- 3.08 DR. bedell's death. [1834. brance the solemn injunction, 'Let him that thinketh he standeth, take heed lest he fall.' It requires, indeed, the arm of Omnipotence to preserve us from the innumerable evils that compass us about, and I rejoice that that arm is 'mighty to save, and strong to deliver.' I would ever remember that ' who in the strength of Jesus trusts is more than conqueror.' ' My heart and my flesh faileth, but God is the strength of my heart.' I believe, dear Sister, that ' He will guide us both with His counsel, and afterwards receive us to glory.' Oh, let us not dishonor Him by refusing to trust His love. ' He that spared not his own Son, but delivered Him up for us all; how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?' * * * " Such letters as yours I consider strictly confidential. I have read it several times with deep interest, and see there the blossoming of ' a tree planted by the rivers of water, that will bring forth its fruit in due season, its leaf also shall not wither,' but shall continue to flourish to all eternity. Only, my dear Sister, ' follow on to know the Lord.' Look from your heart to Jesus, and He will make ' darkness light before you, and crooked things straight ; these things will He do unto you, and not forsake you.' " ^^Sept. 9th. — More than two weeks have elapsed since I wrote in this diary. I do not wish to be again so negligent, as I think it profitable to keep it. With delight I anticipated the services of the Sabbath, and as our own church was closed, I attended Christ church in the morning. I very much en- joyed the service, which was read by Mr. James, in his usual solemn and devotional manner. The sermon was from our venerable Bishop. Little did 1 think I was so soon to sus- tain so great an affliction. I hastened into E.'s room, on my return, and was there informed of the death of my beloved Pastor. It agitates me to think of the shock I experienced. I did not indulge one murmuring thought, I could not even dare to wish that his life had been one hour prolonged. But when I recalled his affectionate admonitions, and solemn warnings, it was a painful reflection that they were silenced forever. I am, however, comforted by the conviction that he being dead, zvill yet speak, and that his prayers for his beloved flock will be yet answered abundantly, that his death 1834.] BISHOP M gore's discourse. 109 ■will be sanctified to us, and that the bond of Christian love will become stronger and stronger. I was privileged to attend his funeral, to behold his lifeless remains. I renewed, again and agnin, my resolution to consecrate all that I am and have to the Lord, and to go on in the strength of the Lord, making mention of His righteousness, even of His only. Oh, may I feel the necessity of living near to God, and may I renounce any and every thing, however attractive, however beloved, that may have a possible tendency to bring my soul into the bondage of Satan, and may I most especially be pre- served from self-dependence and from spiritual pride. Last Saturday I Avas enabled to attend our prayer-meeting, and did not go away without a blessing. I never felt so forcibly the attraction of Christian love, — my heart was full of it. On Sunday we had a most impressive discourse from Bishop Moore, on the text, ' Whom have I in heaven but Thee, and there is none upon earth that I desire besides Thee.' It was a day which will long be remembered by our sorrowful but rejoicing flock. I doubt not that precious seed, sown in the heart of many a stranger, will spring up and bear abundant fruit. Surely the death of our Pastor Avill be sanctified to us all. The Great Shepherd will take us under His especial keeping, and will supply us with a teacher after His own heart. '^Scpt. 21st. — I awoke this m.orning in a prayerful and watchful state, and I trust that my morning devotions were blessed. I very much regret that I talked about things that were not entirely spiritual, as I went to church. I often do this, and yet I feel that it is very wrong. I was very much afi"ected in church. When I saw the immense crowd who had assembled to hear the funeral sermon for our departed Pastor, I prayed earnestly that the renewing and refreshing influences of the Spirit might be abundantly showered upon us, and my heart was drawn out in love for the souls of my dear family and friends, there assembled, who have not yet 10 110 FUNERAL SERMON. [1834. experienced 'the peace which from repentance flows,' and I felt as if I could take my dear sister, who sat beside me, in my arms, and offer her to Jesus. Oh, how awful was the thought that all that vast assembly must stand together at the judgment-seat of Christ ! " Dr. Tyng addressed us from Hebrews xiii. 7, 8 : — 'Re- member them that have the rule over you, whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation, Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, to-day and forever.' lie read us a letter from Dr. Henshaw, giving an account of the. last hours of our Rector, whi^h was full of interest. The child-like faithj glowing love, and perfect peace of his departing moments were the blessing of the Lord upon his well-spent life. Oh, surely this dispensation will be deeply and permanently sanctified. " On Friday, which was kept as a day of fasting and prayer in our church, we had service three times, and though I was depressed by coldness and wandering thoughts, I found it good to be there. I was most profited, I think, in the morning ; felt all day a sincere desire to wait on the Lord, but wandering thoughts are the root of bitterness which ever troubles me. ' ^^ 5th, — Sunday/ evening. — This has been a solemn day. I have enjoyed the privilege of communing, after having been for several months deprived of it. I greatly desired to spend the preceding week in preparation for it, and worthily to partake of so solemn an ordinance. I was favored this morning with a prayerful spirit. Oh, how sensibly do I feel the loss of our beloved Pastor, from whose hands I have always before received the sacred emblems of my Saviour's broken body ! I rejoiced that the Great Shepherd was with us to bless us. I felt no fear in approaching the table, for I have every reason to believe that lie who has hitherto helped me, will be with me to the end. Oh, that I may be preserved from self-dependence ! 1834.] DREAD OF SELF-CONFIDENCE. Ill " I do pray tliat I may be shown as mucli of the plague of ray own heart as may suffice to make me humble, and to eifcct this, a very intimate knowledge of it is requisite, for I am very prone to secret feelings of self-confidence. Oh, how must self-approval and self-love appear in the sight of a holy God ! May I every day increase in humility, and feeling that in myself I can do nothing, find in Jesus my all in all. Very often do I offer the petition, ' Teach me good judgment and knowledge.' I am particularly desirous to be preserved from a speculative or a cavilling spirit. So that I be enabled to understand and to adorn the doctrine of God my Saviour, it concerns toe little to pry into things too high for me. Rather let me be endued with the teachableness and gentle- ness of a little child, and sit at the feet of Jesus, and learn the truth as it is in. Ilim. I feel that I must pray more, — I am too cold and infrequent in this duty. I know that the Gospel offers far higher privileges and attainments than I enjoy, and why do I not possess them ? Because I do not prize them as I ought. Because I do not press towards the mark. I Avant more faith, more love, more of every Christian grace, more of a spirit of self-renunciation. It is necessary to be very attentive to the influences of the Spirit, and to cherish every heavenly impulse, instantly to give up anything that in the smallest degree excites the reproof of conscience, and not like Parley the Porter, to trifle with temptation." To a Cousin. Oct. 8, 1834. * * * * "The promise — 'a bruised reed shall lie not break, and smokinj^- flax shall He not quench/ has often consoled nie, when a sense of my unworthiness has induced me to doubt of the loving-kindness of my Heavenly Father. If we could only rea- lize that all these evil actings of unbelief are the suggestions of the enemy of our souls, and not the evidence of humility, as we would believe, it v»-oukl, indeed, be well for us. Plow often has the passage — ' He did not many works there because of their unbelief,' occurred to my mind as a solemn warning ! Let us every day, and every hour, 112 DR. bedell's last moments. [1834. pray for simple faith in Jesus, since ' there is no other name given under heaven whereby we must be saved.' We can never obtain righteousness, wisdom, sanctification and redemption of our own, but Christ is made all of these to us, if we will accept His oflfcrs of ' grace to help in time of need/ "It was faith in Jesus that enabled our dear departed Pastor to lead a holy life, and to die a glorious death. I should like thee to read the account of his last moments, which has been published. After his arrival in Baltimore, Dr. Henshaw called on him, and on asking him if he enjoyed peace of mind, he replied, "Yes ! my only hope is in Jesus, the Saviour of sinners. I am very comfortable : all is peace.' At another time, Dr. H. repeated the first lines of 'Jesus, Saviour of my soul, let me to Thy bosom fly,' and he imme- diately said, with much feeling, '1 will, I do.' A short time before his death, lifting his finger with great solemnity, as he often did in the pulpit, when about to utter any thing emphatically important, he said, with a feeble and quivering, but yet distinct and articulate enunciation — ' Hear me ! I acknowledge myself to have been a most unprofitable servant, unprofitable, but not hypocritical. I find myself to have been full of sin, ignorance, weakness, unfaithfulness and guilt, but Jesus is my Iwpe: washed in His blood, justified by His righteousness, sanctified by His grace, I have peace with God. Jesus is very precious to my soul ; my all in all ; and I expect to be saved by free grace, through his atoning blood. This is my tes- timony,' with emphasis, ' this is my testimony.' "And is not this, dear cousin, a glorious testimony? It is worth to me more than words can describe. I feel that Jesus is also my hope, and I desire that He shall be ^my all in all, my soul-satisfying portion." To a Sister. Oct. 2, 1834. * * * # a J think I feel every day more emphatically the entire necessity and expediency of an unreserved surrender of our hearts to Him who has commanded that we should consecrate our- selves to Him 'a holy and acceptable sacrifice,' which is indeed, 'a reasonable service,' and one that is alone acceptable in the sight of a jealous God, who will never give His glory to another. And when we consider that it is only when every thought is brought ' into cap- tivity to the obedience of Christ,' that ' the peace of Gnd which passeth all understanding' can be received in its fullest extent, and 1834.] LETTER TO A SISTER. 113 that every other source of cnjoj'ment is but as a 'broken cistern/ how incomprehensible is the backwardness we feel to avail ourselves of the privileges of the gospel ! There is no greater subject of asto- nishment to me than my own heart : that I should not with more diligence ' press towards the mark / that I should not look with a more steady eye unto ' Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith/ is another sad proof of my innate depravity. Truly can I adopt the language of Baxter, when he says, ' The little tastes of this sweet- ness which my thirsty soul hath had do tell me that there is no other real joy. I feel that Thou hast made my mind to know Thee, my heart to love Thee, my tongue to praise Thee, and all that I have and am to serve Thee. " 'Upon the holy altar erected by Thy Son, and by His hands, and His mediation, I humbly, devote and offer to Thee this heart. Oh ! that I could say with greater feeling, this flaming, loving, long- ing heart. But the sacred fire which must kindle on my sacrifice must come from Thee. It will not else ascend unto Thee. Let it consume this dross, so that the nobler part may know its home. All that I can say to commend it to Thine acceptance is, that I hope it is washed in precious blood, and that there is something in it that is Thine own. It still looketh toward Thee, and groaneth to Thee, and followeth after Thee, and will be content with gold, and mirth, and honor, and such inferior fooleries, no more. It lietli at Thy door, and will be entertained or perish. Though, alas, it loves Thee not as it would, I boldly say it hngs to love Thee. It seeks, it craves no greater blessing than perfect, endless, mutual love.' " Oh ! my beloved Sister, let us endeavor, in the strength of Jesus, to 'perfect holiness in the fear of the Lord;' let us 'lay aside every weight, and the sin that doth so easily beset us;' let the pomps and vanities of this wicked world, that we have so so- lemnly promised to renounce, be no longer permitted to ensnare us ; let us not be perjured in the sight of God and men, as we must be if we fail to keep our covenant with the Lord. He will surely keep us from falling, and lead us in the way everlasting, the pathway of holiness, if we will only trust in Him. Oh, how I long to love that dear Saviour who gave Himself for us! lie will enable us to love Him. He is, and ever will be, our righteousness, sanctification, wisdom and redemption, and he will never leave nor forsake us. " I trust that the dispensation that has removed froni us the earthly shcplierd, who dealt so very gently with us, will be one of mercy to our souls. He who ' came to seek and to save that which n 10 ^i^ 114 SABBATH MUSINGS. [1834. was lost,' will not suffer us to stray from the fold, if we will humbly place ourselves under His keeping. The admonitions of our beloved Pastor will be deeply engraven on our hearts, and I trust we shall be stars in his crown of rejoicing. Only, let us, dear sister, pray fervently and constantly that our hearts, our understandings, our whole being, may be more deeply .impressed with a conviction of the 'beauty of holiness,' and 'the exceeding sinfulness of sin.' Let us realize how litde we know of that which remains to be learned, and how willing and able is the Holy Spirit ' to guide us into all truth.' Our nature is so depraved, our hearts so deceitful, the temptations of the world, and the seductions of our great adversary so powerful, that it is only by living ' oerij near to God we can hope to escape them.' " " 12th. — I do love the bright Sabbath. Everything looks more lovely than on other days. I enjoyed very much my morning devotions, but I am painfully sensible that my thoughts do not ascend upward, as they ought. I live most deplorably below my privileges, and yet am so easily satisfied with present attainments. 0 Lord, Thy grace is sufficient for me, and Thou art willing to grant it. Let me not doubt nor reject Thy loving-kindness. ' Cleanse the thoughts of my heart by the inspiration of Thy Spirit, and ' lead me in the way everlasting,' for Jesus' sake. "We had a most delightful sermon this morning, on the text, ' There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.' I prayed with sincerity that the sermon might be spiritual, and might be blessed to the hearers — and I trust it was, for the religion of Jesus was represented as very lovely and desirable. I love to hear preached, 'Jesus Christ, and Ilim crucified,' May I never be subjected to listen to a sermon in which the merits of our Redeemer are not set forth. Last evening I w^nt to St. Paul's. Four children were baptized. It was to me a most solemn and affecting service. May those dear children be enabled to consecrate themselves to the Lord. " This evening we have been favored with a very solemn warning from Bishop M'llvainc, from the text, ' Take heed, 1834.] RELIGIOUS SOUVENIR. 115 therefore, b]-ethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief.' He described the evidences of declension in re- ligion, and the cause, in a manner so emphatic, and repre- sented the danger we are in so clearly, that it was enough to draw, from all who heard him, the petition, ' Good Lord, de- liver us.' I felt the danger, and I trust I may be doubly watchful, lest I enter into temptation — lest I be lifted up with spiritual pride, or disposed to sleep in the midst of dan- ger. Lord, any thing, rathe*' than a diminution of interest in Thee ! Any desertion, rather than that of thy Holy Spirit ! " I have had a present of the Religious Souvenir for next year. With what painful emotions its reception impressed me ! To think that the hand which penned many of the arti- cles it contains is now mouldering in the dust ; and to know that many prayers had been offered that the volume might prove a blessing. My heart was very full, but afterwards found relief in tears. This, as well as every written memo- rial of the love and piety of our Pastor, is indeed a most pre- cious legacy ; and I trust that he being dead, will yet speak to my heart, and the hearts of multitudes besides. '■'■Nov. 4:th. — Oh, I must have more religion. I cannot be happy without it. Oh, even if there were no heaven, I would long for a knowledge of God in this world. ' Lord, be pleased to lift the light of Thy countenance upon me.' " 10th. — I have been praying that the Lord Avill make me a blessing to my beloved family. I feel that I have not dis- charged my duty faithfully towards . I hope that if it be His will to restore me to them, that I may be more con- sistent in my example, and more faithful in advising them, than I have ever been. To take such a stand as this requires a very holy life, and lively faith. Give them to mo, Almighty Father, for Jesus' sake, I pray thee. What is tliere to hin- der me from pressing towards the mark ? " I hope that more of the spirit of prayer will be vouch- 116 AFFECTING MEMORIES [1834. safcd mc for my family, and especially for those who profess the name of Christ. Oh, may all pride and sin of every kind be taken from my heart, so that I may be made a blessing to them, and that others, ' seeing my good works, may glorify my Father which is in Heaven.' " Evening. — My heart is very, very full to-night. I under- took to read aloud an article in the Religious Souvenir, writ- ten by our dear Pastor, and thought that having read it before, I could get through it very well; but so forcibly was his image presented to my mind, and so powerful an overflow of love did I feel for his memory, that my heart felt as if it would burst, and I was glad to find an opportunity to give vent to my feelings. Oh, my dear, dear friend and father in Christ Jesus, may I consider thy conversation, and follow thy faith, that with thee I may unite at last in a new song of praise to the blessed Redeemer, whom thou hast been the means of inducing me to trust and love. May I never forget thy precepts, and thy holy example, and may I be a star in thy crown of rejoicing. " 13^A. — Yesterday suffered more weakness and pain than usual. Felt a great tenderness of spirit at my twilight devo- tions, and a desire to depend upon God for strength to en- dure the suffering He has been pleased to send me, and was much consoled by the belief that it will be sanctified to my own spiritual good, and that of others. Am more than recon- ciled to disease by this trust. Had a long talk with as we were riding out, on the probability of my dying soon. She does not think it at all likely that I shall live long. I shall be most thankful to be taken, after I have done and Buffered the will of God on earth, and I do hope that my desire to glo- rify Him Avill become stronger and stronger, the little time I have to remain here. " This evening was wandering in prayer, and so unguarded in conversation, that, according to custom, I indulged in foolish talking and jesting. How very inconsistent I am ! I 1834.] LETTER TO A SISTER. 117 do hope my Heavenly Father will give me more of the health- ful spirit of his grace." To the same. Nov. 13th, 1834. " The perusal of thy letter confirms the hope that thee feels a deep and increasing interest in the one thing needful, and it is my fervent desire that thy growth in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus, will continue daily and hourly to increase. The desire and resolution thee expresses to ' follow on to know the Lord,' is one which, if carefully cherished, will most certainly be, ere long, real- ized, for our Heavenly Father is certainly as able to carry on and perfect the work of grace in the heart as to commence it ; and if we could only divest ourselves of the ' evil heart of unbelief,' which is so powerful a hindrance to our spiritual advancement, we should be ever enabled to add our testimony that religion's ' ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.' Simple faith in Jesus will preserve us from the dangers of prosperity, and enable us to glory in tribulation also. I, too, do most deeply feel the want of ' that reverent, humble, and fervent perception of the glorious cha- racter of our Almighty Father,' of which thee complains ; and the only prescription I can recommend to us both is, to * pray without ceasing,' that the Lord will 'lift up the light of His countenance' upon us. I was once complaining to our dear departed Pastor of my want of love and gratitude towards my Almighty Parent, and he advised me to dwell much on His goodness, and upon the bless- ings I have constantly received from Him, rather than content my- self with lamenting my ingratitude and coldness. Self-examination is of course absolutely essential to our improvement ; but we must remember, that after having looked at our hearts, and ascertained that ' there is no health in us,' we must look to Jesus as our physi- cian, ever remembering that there is 'balm in Gilead.' .... " I hope, dear E., that it is thy constant prayer that God will not only make thee sensible of the immense value of thy own soul, but that He will implant in thy heart an earnest desire for the salvation of others. If thee does not feel this in as great a degree as thee ought, do not be discouraged, for 'the remedy's before thee — Pray.' By becoming, thyself, an entirely devoted Christian, thee may be- come the means of the salvation of many of thy family and friends. If others see in thee ' the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit,' they will be convinced of the reality of thy religion, and their own need of its transforming influence. It is a very false humility that in- 118 CONSISTENCY. [1834. duces us to shrink from responsibility of this kind, and to say, 'it is not worth while for mc to make the effort, I can never do any good.' It is a device of Satan, for we must be doing good or harm. I heard a clergyman remark, a short time since, in a lecture on the subject of consistency, that there is not a day nor hour of our lives in which we are not doing something /or or agairisl Christ. ''I suppose most persons are subject, in some degree, to on? be- setting sin, and prayer for the illumination of the Spirit, watchful- ness, and self-examination will always enable us to discover this, and every other * weight' which it is our duty to ' lay aside.' David's petition, ' Let not any iniquity have dominion over me,' should be ours at all times. I am well convinced that it is only by adhering to the strait and narrow path, that our happiness even in this world can be secured, and that it is much easier to yield to convictions of duty than to resist them. To be a Christian does, indeed, imply a mighty change. Self, the idol of every unregenerate heart, must be mortified and subdued, ''I do think, dear E., that thee will find it greatly conduce to thy benefit to give up all light reading, and to endeavor to confine thy attention, as exclusively as possible, to religion. Of course do- mestic and social duties should be ever regarded, and if performed with a right spirit, will only tend to bring into action Christian graces. I do not doubt that thee knows, as well as I can tell thee, how very desirable it is to have regular and frequent seasons of retire- ment. I do not doubt that thee often finds the cares of housekeep- ing to interfere with thy comfort, and perhaps thee may think with thy profit; but 'all things shall work together for good to those that love God,' and the little daily vexations and trials of life may prove great blessings, in calling into exercise the virtues' of patience and forbearance. I am writing quite a sermon, I find. I trust that it is not with a spirit of dictation. I know that my own example is far from what it ought to be, and it is my desire and resolve, in the strength of Jesus, to go 'from strength to strength, until I shall appear before God in Zion.' " '''■Sunday. — Have been all day kept from cliurch — quite a trial — but have wished that it may be good for me. K. and I read the services together, and prayed. Have endeavored to perform a duty to-day, which has rested on my mind for some time, to write to about religion. Very pooidy done, indeed. 1834.] THE SANCTUARY. 119 " 2.bth. — I trust that I am not mistaken in my hope that I am in some degree growing in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. I feel that I have but little hu- mility. I detected myself, this morning, in wishing that something might be told that would have been to my advan- tage. This evinces a contrary spirit to that of the Gospel, and I trust that the Lord will give me a meek and lowly spirit ; that He will enable me to become entirely indifferent to the applause of men. I hope I shall be enabled to set a holy and consistent example, and at the same time to prefer others to myself, and feel my deficiencies and unworthiness. '•'•Dec. 2c?. — I very much enjoyed devotion at my twilight season of retirement on Sunday, and spent the evening in an unusually profitable and pleasant manner. I prayed that I might be preserved from trifling conversation with one par- ticular person, and felt that it was in answer to my prayer that this person seemed in a very spiritual frame of mind. " 3c?. — Was in a prayerful spirit when I retired last night, and awoke in the same frame. Was favored with a more un- interrupted season of retirement than usual, and felt great love for it. Throughout the day have thought more than usual of eternal things. About twilight had some time for prayer, and felt in a devotional spirit. It was a little inter- rupted by my having to get to church in time. It is a great trial to me to go late to church. I felt an unusual drawing towards the sanctuary this evening, and was not disappointed in my hope of enjoyment. We had a plain and practical ser- mon, the very kind I best like, though once I should have much preferred a flowery and eloquent discourse. I wish I could feel thankful enough for the privileges of the sanctuary, and could feel a more intense interest in the salvation of those who have never known this blessing, and in the conver- sion of those who, having it in their power to avail themselves of the blessings of the Gospel, can see nothing attractive in them. 120 DESIRES FOR HOLINESS. [1834. " Dearly Avell do I love our own dear Church — better, and better, and better. I trust, if it be the will of God, that I may live and die in her communion. ' I prize her heavenly ways.' '■'■Sunday evening. — 1. have had a multitude of spiritual blessings this day, 'the means of grace, and the hope of glory,' and I have cause for repentance in my unthankfulness. I have thought many times, this past week, of the communion, and have prayed much for a blessing upon it. I felt a great desire to realize the presence of my Saviour in the commu- nion. I felt peace of mind, a hungering and thirsting after righteousness, and did not fear to renew my dedication of my- self to the Lord. I desire to lead a new life, — I steadfastly purpose it. The service ended with ' Kock of Ages,' our Pastor's favorite hymn. I went up into sister's room, after church, and could restrain my feelings no longer. I dream of this dear servant of the Lord, I think of him, and I long to be in heaven with him. Oh, when shall I get there ? I thought, some time since, that my death was near at hand, but now I begin to think that I may live a long time, though I have not the least expectation that my health will be re- stored. I do not wisli to live a moment after I shall have done and suffered all the will of God, for this is all I have to live for. I love my friends most tenderly, but I foci that I could gladly leave them, to be free from sin. I pray that I may have no will at all on this subject, — that I may have faith to believe that Jesus will support me as tenderly during a number of years of suffering and temptation as during a sin- gle day or hour. I know that I am always in danger — my heart is far more sinful than I can realize, but God is greater than my heart, and ' will keep that which I have committed to him against that day.' " I long to be freed from sin. It intertwines itself with every feeling of my heart. I often think how delightful it would be to be wholly 'crucified unto the world,' to be filled 1834.] HUMILITY. 121 with ardent and unvarying aflfection for the children of God, and a constant desire for the salvation of sinners, — to be so humble as to glory in nothing but the cross of Christ, and to have a constant eye to the glory of God. I want more mis- sionary zeal, — I want, I want every thing that is good. ' I -want a heart to praise my God, A heart from sin set free ;' If I be not most grievously self-deceived, I have given my heart to God, and am determined to follow after holiness, — to be satisfied with nothing else. I would depend on nothing but the Righteousness of Christ. I have prayed a great deal that I may see as much of my heart as I can bear, — that my self-love and confidence may be all taken away. I am very much afraid that I have been, and am still in danger of being injured by the favorable opinion of others. How very inju- dicious it is to express such sentiments ! The knowledge that my influence has been in some instances useful, is encouraging to me, and I hope I remember whose goodness made it so ; but I do not wish to be told that I am better than others, and that I am altogether consistent. God gives me grace to be patient in suffering, and to endeavor to know and do His will, but they ought not to praise me for it. I know that I do not improve as I ought, the grace that is given me — that I am by no means what I might be, if I would ' only believe' with single faith on the Lord Jesus Christ. There is not a day of my life in which I do not things which I ought not, and leave undone things which I ought to do. I am often impatient of contradiction, — I am indolent and selfish, — I very often forget to pray for those in whose conversion I ought to feel the deepest interest. I do scarcely any thing in the cause of Christ. And when I am made sensible of these and other sins, I begin to think myself humble. I know that I am far worse than I even suspect. " Yet none of these things need discourage me, for ' the blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth from all sin,' and yet I have 11 122 THE pastor's testimony. [1834. not tliat simple faith tliat I ouglit to have in His merits. I am often not the least affected when I read and think of all that He has done and suffered for me. Lord, be merciful to me, a miserable sinner, who knows not her own sinfulness. Oh, be pleased to create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me. '-'■Sunday. — The sermon was very good, from the text, ' To you, therefore, who believe. He is precious.' Such a text always arrests my attention with peculiar force, for I only desire to know Christ crucified. In church, this afternoon, my thoughts were very unsettled. I do hate these vain thoughts. I have lately been interested in reading ' The Pas- tor's Testimony,' a delightful book. It warms my heart, and confirms my resolution to devote myself unreservedly to the Lord. IIow forcibly do the sentiments contained in this work remind me of those so often expressed by our beloved Pastor ! I have prayed that the flock of this Pastor who gives so faith- ful a Testimony to the truth as it is in Jesus, may prize and profit by his ministrations while he is yet continued with them. I wish I had realized the blessing I possessed in our dear Pastor ; but it is not too late to profit by his precepts and example. " M. has been reading aloud the sketch of Anzonetta Peters, contained in the Pastor's Testimony. It drew from my eyes many tears, and from my heart many prayers. I have rarely read so lovely a delineation of Christian cha- racter, and yet it is one that all may attain. And why should not I? In the strength of Jesus, I will; and I will not here confine my attention to any human model, — I will look to Jesus. And lest aught of self-confidence should mingle with my resolve, I will especially pray that in prefer- ence to all Christian graces, humility may be granted me. I will pray that I may see more of my sinfulness, and more of the all-suflicient grace of God, and the love of Jesus. And will the Lord refuse to grant me His blessing? No. What- ever means He may, in His infinite wisdom, employ for my 1834.] LETTERS. 123 purification, He will in His own good time enable mo to per- fect holiness in the fear of the Lord." To Mrs. J. " Phila., Dec. 15, 1834. " It is with much pleasure that I station myself at my little desk, with the purpose of writing to you, my dear Mrs. J , for I feel that I can hold unreserved communion with you on that subject which most interests me. I have often thanked my Heavenly Father for the interest that you and some of His other dear children have manifested in my spiritual welfare. " I had a very pleasant visit in the country, and much enjoyed the society of my dear cousins, to whom I have always been tenderly attached, and who are deeply interested in the 'one thing needful.' I feel more than ever convinced of the reality of the change which dear has experienced. She seems to be indeed a new creature, and is more consistent in her conduct than any one with whom I have ever been intimately acquainted who has espei'ienced so recent a change. I think it is delightful to see the love of God so pecu- liarly manifested towards those whom He has deprived of earthly parents. He does not, indeed, leave them orphans. " The attention of several of my young friends appears to havo been awakened to this subject; and will you pray that I may be faithful in the discharge of my duty towards them — that I may be enabled to set them an example of consistency — that a sinful diffi- dence may not prevent me, as it has too often done, from conversing with them on their souls' best interests. I often feel astonished that I feel so little concern for the salvation of others, and that my prayers for them are so cold and infrequent. Very much do I need a deeper work of grace, and I regard this consciousness as an earnest that it will be vouchsafed me. If I know my own heart, I do indeed ' count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord,' and I do not doubt that every needful spi- ritual gift will be imparted to me. I feel that I have a very inade- quate knowledge of the entire depravity of my heart, and that my faith in Christ is very weak. In every Christian grace I am exceed- ingly deficient, and I wish to realize more fully, with my beloved pastor. Dr. Bedell, that 'Jesus is my hope; — that washed in His blood, justified by His righteousness, sanctified by His grace, I have peace with God.' I feel that I am a child of God, but I long for the confidence of an affectionate child. Will you pray very often for me, my dear Mrs. J., that I may know more of that love which passeth 124 LETTERS. [1834. knowledge — that my whole heart may be filled with it — that the glor}' of God may be the end of my existence ? I have the greatest dread oi self-confidence. I know my proncness to it, and would rather desire an humble, child-like spirit, than any other attainment. How much I do miss the aifectionate counsels of my departed Pastor ! I trust, however, that his death has been sanctified to me, though one of the deepest afflictions I have ever experienced, in having caused me more fully to realize that there is one who ' ever liveth to make intercession' for me. I trust that I may be enabled to follow the path of him whose memory is unspeakably dear to me, and that if it be my Heavenly Father's will, it may not be long ere I unite with him in serving God 'without weariness.' Oh ! I do so long to be freed from sin ! * The burthen of it is intolerable.' I do sin- cerely desire that it may be my sole endeavor to do and suffer the will of God, and that I may be perfectly contented to live or die, as may be most pleasing in His sight. I have been very egotistical, but to you I need not apologize. I know that it is your delight to give counsel and encouragement to those who are hungering and thirsting after righteousness, and that your prayers are offered to ' our Father in Heaven' that they may indeed be filled." To Miss E. K Dec. 18, 1834. * * * a "When the mind is once awakened to serious feeling, sympathy and encouragement are received with eagerness, however humble be the instrument by which they are conveyed. The prone- ness to take offence, and to criticise, which is evident while the wis- dom of the Cross is deemed foolishness, gives place to the inquiry, ' What must I do to be saved T when once the importance of reli- gion is fully recognized. This truth experience has taught me, and observation has confirmed, and it is to its influence that I ascribe the interest thee manifests, dear E., in all that I have to say to thee on this subject. And I trust that the confidence that is reposed in me, in matters of this kind, has a tendency to make me more fully sen- sible of my entire unworthiness, and to increase the fervency of my petition, 'Oh, Lord, open Thou my lips, and my mouth shall show forth thy praise.' It is useful to me in causing me to realize in a greater degree my responsibility as a professor of religion, not only as my own welfiire is concerned, but as my example may affect others. I must cither be a ftiithful soldier of the cross, or a greater traitor than was the wretched Judas. May I be enabled to be 'a savor of life unto life.' 1834.] CLOSE OF THE YEAR. 125 " I am not afraid, my dear friend, to address thee in the language of encouragement. The promises of Scripture are familiar to thy memory, and 1 hope are making their way deeper and deeper into thy heart. They are, indeed, ' exceeding great and precious,' and the more we meditate on and pray over them, the more eflfectual shall we find them in making us ' wise unto salvation/ Instead, then, of musing over thy wants with feelings of despondency, open thy Bible, and with the prayer that God will enable thee to believe and understand it, search out the promises that best suit thy case. " I think, dear E., that it would be much better for us to confine our attention in a great degree to the Bible, or at least not to allow ourselves to become more interested in any other book ; and as thee has not a great deal of leisure to devote to reading, I think it very desirable that thee should give the sacred volume thy preference. I know that I have often felt as if I would like to read something else, when I have thought it my duty to read the Bible, and I am con- vinced that this is a wrong state of mind, and should be discouraged." The close of this year of bodily suffering, debility and exhaustion, of spiritual peace, progress and illumination, is thus noted in the Diary of the self-abased and patient invalid. '^Dec. Slst. — How inadequate has been my improvement during the past year ! How often have I grieved the Holy Spirit, and how slow has been the growth of grace in my soul ! And this is not because God was unwilling to make me a devoted Christian, a boly sacrifice, but because I ask, and believe not. If my life should be spared until the beginning of the New Year, may I commence it with a deep sense of my sinfulness, and a simple trust in the merits of Jesus." 11* CHAPTER VII. 1835. Expediency of Diaries — Characteristics of the present Diary — Visits to the sick — Vernal beauties — Letter tj her Mother — Grief at profanation of the Sabbath — Bishop Moore — Romanism — New Pastor — Ilis Institution — Rev. Mr. Clark's Sermons. Upon the advantage of keeping a minute record of tlie spiritual state, and of tlie daily life, there has been much difference of opinion. That a religious diary is not to all persons, and under all circumstances, beneficial, can hardly be questioned. To know one's self is proverbially difficult; to pen a just and truthful description of ourselves not less so. Many a journalist discovers, inadvertantly, traits of character, of which the writer was unsuspicious, and conveys to the reader a very different impression from that which was entertained by himself. A mind, too, that is morbidly sensitive to its own operations, too much given to self-study and introversion, would aggravate its own unhappy ten- dencies by the practice. An exaggerated estimate of frames and feelings, a neglect of the great objective truths of the gospel, dreamy enthusiasm or gloomy depression, and duties left undone, Avould be the natural result. The diaries of such persons, full of wearisome repetitions, are unprofitable to their authors, and devoid of interest or value to others. On the other hand, the truthful record, by an earnest and intelligent Christian, of the different stages of the spiritual life, of the conflicts, troubles and enjoyments of the soul struggling to walk with God, the enumeration of Providential mercies and deliverances, of divine checks, supports and con- solations, cannot but prove an exceeding help to self-exami- nation and growth in grace. No human hand can so draw (12G) 1835.] DIARIES. 127 the portraiture of soul-life, as the individual delineated. "For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him?" And when a vivid, impariial and discriminating picture is presented of the inner history of a child of God, it cannot but engage the attention, and appeal to the sympathy of Christian readers. Such heart-narratives are rare. Those who might best trace them are often too busily engaged in the active and stirring scenes of life to leave memorials of this kind behind them, or such memorials as may be suitably presented to the public eye. In reviewing Miss Allibone's Diary, the author has been surprised, as well at its copiousness, as at its clearness, variety and justness of observation. It has appeared to him emi- nently free from the faults to which this species of composi- tion is liable, and to combine, in an unusual degree, its chief excellencies. That a person, in her feeble state of health, should con- tinue, for so many years, a work, demanding so much bodily and mental effort, is truly surprising. It is a remarkable monument of her diligence, perseverance and faithful deal- ing with herself. Sincerity pervades every line, and deep devotional feeling pours itself forth without restraint. The close inspection of her own thoughts, and words, and ways, is wonderful, and shows her constant anxiety so to walk as to please God; — while her earnest, simple faith, going out of herself to rest in Christ, and her unfeigned love, longing to bless and comfort others, preserved her from any tendency to morbid self-engrossment. The aim with which she prose- cuted this work is thus referred to in the commencement of one of her little memorandum-books. " I trust that my Heavenly Father will bestow a blessing upon my heart in writing in this book, and that lie will pre- serve me from expressing any feeling or sentiment that has not come from the very bottom of my heart. I keep a Diary for the sole purpose of spiritual benefit, that I may make a 128 TWO YEARS AGO. [1835. record of my thoughts and actions, and that I may be thus enabled to review the past." Another allusion to the subject occurs among the first entries of the year 1835. " I am almost discouraged from writing in this book. I have little to record but wandering thoughts and idle Avords, but I trust there is a great blessing in reserve for me. Oh, how much do I need a grateful sense of the means which have already been vouchsafed to me!" " February Is^, Sunday. — This day two years since I was first admitted to the most comfortable sacrament of the body and blood of Christ, and this morning I anticipate the enjoy- ment of this privilege. It will be profitable to compare my present feelings with those with which I first approached the table of the Lord. I was then ' trembling and afraid ;' weak in faith, but very sincere ; conscious of my unworthiness, yet trusting that the all-sufiiciency of my Redeemer would be yet more fully revealed to me, and that I should yet rejoice in Him who is the health of my countenance, and my God. I hoped to make rapid advances in the divine life — to press unwavering towards the mark of our high calling. I would not then have believed that, after this interval, my progress would have been so small, so inadequate to my privileges. I am still weak and wavering, iitconsistent and unbelieving, yet the Lord has had mercy on me. When I cried. He an- swered me, and sent strength into my soul, and if I shall be permitted to go up to the sanctuary to-day, I shall not fear to approach the table of the Lord, and I trust that I shall be enabled to ' draw near with faith, and to take this Holy Sacrament to my comfort.' " This day two years ago, our dear pastor preached from the text, ' Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended.' Very forcibly is that sermon impressed upon my mind. " The communion was very solemn. I was not as much 1835.] VISITS TO THE sick. 129 affected as usual, but I felt that I was confirming my cove- nant "with God : offering myself unto Him in a holy and acceptable sacrifice. Oh, how sinful I am, and how great is that righteousness which can and does avail for me !" " Qth. — Last Tuesday I paid a visit to a woman who has been for several years a subject of excruciating suffering. For six months, her sister says, she has not been raised in bed, or turned. I was much agitated by the prospect of going to see this person, whom the doctor thinks very near eternity, as I was not acquainted with the state of her mind. I felt the responsibility of my situation. I endeavored to cast my burden upon the Lord, and asked dear E. to pray that I might be enabled to discharge my duty, whatever it might be. She appeared, however, to place her dependence upon her Saviour, and to be, as far as I could judge, pre- pared for eternity. " I called next day to see her, and found her in great agony, so that she shrieked with pain. This was a good les- son for me, and I saw, by her bedside, the inefficiency of this world's consolations. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would withdraw my affections from all earthly things, and place them upon Jesus, that, by His influence, I may be prepared to do and to suffer the will of the Lord. 0, may the Lord be with me, ' in all time of prosperity, in all time of tribula- tion, in the hour of death, and in the day of judgment.' Then, safely sheltered beneath the wing of his protection, I shall have naught to fear." " Wi. — I went to read to an old black woman whom sister took me to see last week. I asked if she had ever read, or rather heard read, ' Old Sarah, the Indian woman.' She said, ' Oh, yes, that she once had the tract, and had kept it on the bed beside her during a long illness, but she had lost it.' She then referred to some parts of it with great interest. I read it to her, and a chapter of the Bible. She seemed to enjoy it as 'a feast of fat things.' She says that for forty I 130 THE ENQUIRER DIRECTED TO CHRIST. [1835. years she has endeavored to serve the Lord in her poor way, and though she has had many ups and downs, and though the billows have run high, yet they have never overwhelmed her. She can read a very little in the spelling-book, and I have promised, if it be the Lord's will, to instruct her. She says her Master will help her to learn when I am not with her. She suffers very much, lives alone, and is very poor, and yet seems very happy. This is easily accounted for, — the Lord is her portion. I trust that if I be permitted to have future intercourse with her, it will be greatly blessed to my spiritual good, and I shall regard this privilege as one token of the love of my Heavenly Father. Much do I need something to speed my progress Zionward, — not added means of grace, for I have them in abundance, but a heart to prize and profit by them. I want humility, and a spirit of self- denial, but above all, I want love to my Saviour, and simple dependence upon His merits. Oh, may all my needs be mer- cifully provided for by His abundant mercy, and may God impart to me His saving and sanctifying grace, in propor- tion, not to my desires, but to my necessities, and His infinite love." To a Friend. Feb. 14, 1835. '' I was much affected by the perusal of thy letter, dear R, Thee asks me if I think that the desire to know the truth would have ever been implanted in thy heart, if it bad been the intention of a merci- ful and wise God to keep thee in ignorance of the knowledge of His ways ? Have I ever used to thee the language of discouragement ? If so, may I be mercifully forgiven for having offended one of my Heavenly Father's little ones. I trust that I had much rather pass the remnant of my life in a dark and noisome dungeon, than throw a single obstacle in the path of one whose steps are turned Zion- ward. I do not look upon thee as an unbeliever, my dear friend. I believe that God is leading thee in the way everlasting, and that thy path will 'shine brighter and brighter unto the perfect day.' But it has seemed to me, that had thee a clearer view of the character and offices of our lledeemer — that it is only through our Lord Jesus 1835.] LETTER TO A YOUNG FRIEND. 131 Christ that God giveth us the victory — thy peace of mind would be more fully established. Am I wrong in my impression, that though thee feels the sinfulness of thy heart, and thy inability to do any thing acceptable in the sight of God, thee does not suificiently realize that ' Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth ?' It is almost with trembling that I write thus to thee, my dear R. I would, were it only for thy sake, that I knew more of the height, and depth, the length, and breadth of the love of Christ ; but I do see such beauty in the plan of salvation, such love iu the sacrifice made by ' Him, who was wounded for our trans- gressions, bruised for our iniquities, and with whose stripes we are healed,' that I want us both to fully realize that He is our all in all. I have heard persons say with great sincerity, but in my opinion under very erroneous impressions, that it seemed to them that giving glory to the Son was derogating from the honor due to the Father. Surely, if this were so, our Saviour would have reproved His disci- ples for worshipping Him after His resurrection ; and, in fact, the Scriptures would appear to me a mass of contradictions. * * To a Yoiuig Friend. Philadelphia, Feb. 28th, 1835. "I have often thought, dear H., that I would in this way express to you my very earnest desire that you should ' remember your Crea- tor in the days of your youth,' and thereby secure for yourself ' that peace which the world can neither give nor take away.' " Since I have first known you, I have felt a very great interest in this subject, and have many times prayed that my Heavenly Father would be pleased, in His infinite mercy, to make you a sub- ject of redeeming grace; and most especially that He would do it noiv, that your whole life may be consecrated to His service. I do not believe that you will be offended at the freedom of my remarks, for I hope you are, in some degree, sensible of their importance, and you will do me the justice to believe that I am actuated by motives pf aff'ection, and not by a spirit of dictation. And now, what shall I say to induce you to seriously consider this subject? For if you will only do this, dear H., much will be accomplished. I do not doubt that you have very many serious reflections, that you will acknow- ledge the truth of the arguments that are commonly adduced in favor of religion; and I think it quite probable that you intend, at some future period, to allow them to exercise a practical influence. But what a happy thing it would be if you could realize that ' now is the 132 INVITATIONS. [1835. accepted time, now is the day of salvation ;' and if this conviction would induce you to early seek the favor of God, that you mayi'ejoice and be clad all the days of your life. Let me persuade you to seek the influences of the Spirit to incline your heart to the ways of God's commandments, to devote a portion of every day to the prayerful perusal of the Word of Life, and to listen attentively to the exhor- tations that are addressed to you from the pulpit; and, above all, to cherish every serious impression. I know you are not happy; au immortal mind can never rest satisfied with this world's vanities. ' Now in thy youth beseech of Ilim Who giveth, upbraiding not, That His light in thy heart become not dim, And His love be not forgot. And thy God in the darkest days shall be Greenness, and beauty, and strength to thee.' " It is to me an affecting thought, that among all the gay com- panions by whom you are surrounded, there are perhaps very few who have ever seriously considered the purpose of their existence, or who, having considered it, have not deferred to 'a more convenient season' the surrender of their hearts' best affections to Hira who alone is entitled to them. Oh ! that you, my dear H., could realize the immense value of your own soul ; that you could feel a deeper interest in their eternal welfare ; that having yourself passed ' from death unto life,' it were the earnest desire and prayer of your heart that they might be saved. But until you are interested in your own salvation, you cannot greatly desire that they should experience that change of heart, without which we cannot enter the kingdom of Gfod. But if you will now go to the Saviour, that you may have life, you will be made tremblingly alive to y&ur responsibility." March 22d, 1835. " It is my inexpressible desire and fervent prayer, my beloved friend, that my Heavenly Father will bless my endeavor to direct thy attention to the Lamb of God who taketh away the sins of the world, and that thee may be enabled to fully realize that He was de- livered for thy offences, and raised again for thy justification ; and that, therefore, being justified by faith, thee has peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Then will thee be enabled to see that my assertion, that 'it is impossible for any one to be saved, ex- cept through faith in the Redeemer's blood,' does not limit the power, or compromise the mercy and goodness of Omnipotence. I 1835.] DIVINITY OF CHRIST. 133 am supported by the decLiration of the Book of Life, that ' there is no othni- nniue under he.iven given among men whereby we can be saved,' and fully assured that it is in the face of Jesus Christ that the glory of God is revealed, I fear not to dishonor Him by believing that He and the Father are one. To sustain my views of this sub- ject, I might bring forth proofs from the beginning to the end of the Scriptures; but I will only ask thee, my dear cousin, to search them for thyself, with a prayer that thee may be enabled to know ' the truth as it is in Jesus,' and to be not discouraged by any diffi- culties that arise in thy path. Our Heavenly Father docs always give His Holy Spirit to those who ask Him, and He has in no small degree accorded it to thee, in inspiring so continued and sincere a desire to love Him with thy whole heart. Let it, then, be thy un- ceasing petition, ' Oh, Lord ! open Thou mine eyes, that I may be- hold wondrous things out of Thy law.' I think it would be best for thee to direct thy attention entirely to the Bible. Many inquirers after the truth have found it the best plan. Thee will find one with references of great use. Oh ! let us not endeavor to pry into the secret things of the Most High. Great is indeed the mystery of god- liness, and great it must remain to us, while we are in the flesh. Let us pray constantly for simple faith ; and when we shall have been enabled to believe the commandment, our Heavenly Father will teach us good judgment and knowledge, as far as is consistent with His will. " I believe, with thee, that it is only with ' the heart man be- lieveth unto righteousness;' that the mere assent of the understand- ing profiteth nothing; that Christ must be 'formed within us the hope of glory,' ere we can have any title to a Heavenly inheritance. I feel that my love for my lledeemer, in comparison with what He has done for me, is very, very cold. Oh ! may He kindle it into a bright flame of devotion, and make me the instrument of turning many unto righteousness. " Do not, my dear cousin, allow the evil Spirit to tempt thee with doubt; resist him, and he will flee from thee. Thy Heavenly Father calls thee to Himself, to take refuge in the Everlasting Arms from thy soul's adversaries. Oh, ' pray without ceasing.' In due season, thou shalt reap, and find *joy and peace in believing;' and while writing this letter, I feel inspired with new confidence in my Saviour's merits ; and I too will seek to love and to serve Him better. He will answer our prayers, and then let us suffer as we may, we will rejoice in God our Saviour. 12 134 ACQUIESCENCE. ' [1835. "Let us pra)' for faitli, for humility, for charity, for every Chris- tian grace. Let us pray that we may be enabled to realize the value of the souls of others, and to labor faithfully for their good. Then, in blessing shall we be blest." ^'- April l\th. — Yesterday and day before I was not well able to write even a few lines, and to-day I am not much bet- ter. I think my disease is rapidly progressing. Although I have been much better, in many respects, through the win- ter, and my friends have talked to me of recovery, I have never had cause, for one moment, to anticipate it, neither have I, for one moment, desired it. All my wish is to do and suifer the will of God, and when I shall have done this, to be admitted into the gates of the New Jerusalem, through the merits of my Redeemer. I sometimes think I shall have to endure much suffering ere I am prepared for heaven ; but it docs not require long for the blood of Christ to wash away all sin, and this I desire to make my sole dependence. ^^ April ISth. — I have been quite low in my mind on account of wandering thoughts, and the sinfulness of my heart. I do earnestly desire that this solemn week shall be peculiarly blessed to me ; that there may be a revival of religion in my soul, for much do I need it. I anticipate the coming Sab- bath with interest and pleasure. If I be permitted to draw near the table of the Lord, may I do it with humility and faith. May I be humbled in the'dust, and yet my whole soul be filled with joy and peace in believing in my dear Re- deemer, whom I long to know and love with my whole heart. " Oh that I were more thankful for the blessing of so dear and kind a mother ! She is the best of earthly gifts. Why do I not pray more for my dear mother, and why do I not strive more to discharge towards her the duties incumbent upon a Christian daughter. Lord, let Thy grace be suffi- cient for me, and Thy strength be made perfect in my weak- ness, for Jesus' sake. Oh, I do wish that a deep work of 1835.] RURAL MEDITATIONS. 135 grace "were wrought in my heart. I know so little, yet am not humble. Lord, be merciful to me, a very great sinner, and grant me unfeigned repentance and true faith. '■'•Sunday evening. — I felt prayerful this morning, and was watchful. I went to church in a very serious and prayerful spirit, and was much affected almost all the time. I felt par- ticularly glad that I was about to partake of the Communion, for I much needed spiritual refreshment. It was granted me. I do not know if I ever before have found that ordinance so profitable. The services of the week have been blessed to me. I have never before felt so sensibly the great propriety of the arrangements of my own dear church. ^^Temora, May IStJt. — '0 Lord, how manifold are Thy works, in wisdom hast Thou made th'em all.' The sun has just given us his farewell glance, the air is full of balmy sweets, the birds are singing in the trees, the insects swelling the chorus with their fainter melody. The grass is green, the wild flowers springing up beneath our feet, the trees bursting forth into beauty, and all creation uniting in one glad song of praise to the Author of good. I too would lift my heart in thankfulness, and while I bless my Heavenly Father for the gifts of His goodness, I would praise Him most of all ' for His inestimable love in the redemption of the world by our Lord Jesus Christ, for the means of grace, and for the hope of glory.' I would adore Him for His goodness to the moral world ; for the work of regeneration, by which the soil of man's heart, producing in its native state but weeds and briars, with here and there a wild flower, fair to the eye, but destitute of fragrance, is made to rejoice and blossom as the rose. And I would earnestly and constantly pray that the work of holiness may be perfected in my heart, that I may abundantly bring forth fruit to the glory of the Lord, and that I may be the instrument of scattering seed in many hearts, which, in due time, may become 'trees of righteousness.' "21s^. — Have just been reading and praying over the 136 GRATITUDE FOR GUIDANCE. [1835. questions my dear Pastor gave me before I joined the cliurch, and my answers to them — and my heart is melted within mo. Oh, how merciful has the Lord been to me ! He has led me by a way that I knew not. He has made me to grow in grace, and in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ; and I do earnestly desire to be grateful for His loving kind- ness. Nothing but His infinite power and love could have preserved me from the thousand snares of the enemy of my soul. And is my heart glowing with love to my blessed Re- deemer, and to the Holy Spirit ? Oh, it is cold and ungrate- ful ! Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner ; and as Thou hast long borne with me, leave me not, neither forsake me. As Thou hast been pleased to draw me to Thyself, notwithstand- ing my obstinate rebellion, and to make me hunger and thirst after the righteousness that once I did not desire, now that it is my supreme wish to love and serve Thee, be pleased to water my soul with the healthful showers of Thy grace, to fill my heart with love, with every Christian grace. Do with me as thou wilt, send me afiiiction of any kind that I need, only perfect the work of grace in my heart, make me a blessing to the souls of others, and let Thy glory be the end of my existence, for the sake of my crucified Saviour, who ever liveth to make intercession for me. Oh, give me simple faith in His merits, let me see Thy glory shining in His face. ' In my hand no price I bring, Simply to thy cross I cling, Dear Jesus.' " Sunday was a happy day, in many respects, though I have great difficulty to avoid foolish talking. I did in some degree indulge in it, and in idle thoughts, but I trust that in this thing I am more conscientious. How often do I long for that blessed place where there will be no temptation to sin ! Enjoyed my twilight devotions, felt great love for the souls of the servants at Aunt 's, and wished to read to them, but was afraid of being thought righteous over much. I 1835.] TEMORA. 137 prayed that if it were right, I might have an opportunity. To my great joy, Diana asked me to come out, and Aunt had them in the dining-room, and sat with me while I read and talked to them." To her Nephew. "Temora, May 28, 1835. "I have often thought, dear W., how much I should love to have thee with me. What pleasant times we would have in the woodS; listening to the music of the birds^ gathering flowers, and looking at the beauties of nature. But this is not the greatest happiness we should enjoy together; I would read the Bible to thee, and tell thee of a Saviour's love, and I would every day pray for thee, and with thee ; for one of my warmest desires is, that my darling boy shall ' remember his Creator in the days of his youth.' And it gives mo much pain when I discover in thee any sinful or unamiable feelings, for I know that the eye of God is on thee all the time, and that He is displeased whenever thee does wrong. I know that thee often prays, and I hope thee will not forget to do so at night, in the morn- ing, and through the day. It will make thee a happier and a better boy. Thee remembers the history of Samuel, and that when he was a little boy, the Lord called him, and he answered, ' Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.' Now, although thee cannot hear the voice of God, He is constantly speaking" to thee, dear Willie, by His Holy Spirit, and I hope thee will always listen, and say in Thy heart, * Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.' * * * * "Does thee not think the country much more delightfulthan the city ? I do. But it is of little consequence, dear W., whether we live in the city or country during the short time we live in this world, so that we give our hearts to our Heavenly Father and do His will. Thee must pray, my dear boy, for thy Aunt Sue, and she will pray for thee, and I trust it will not be a great while before we shall meet in that blessed place where, we are told in the Bible, that God shall wipe away all tears from the eyes of his children ; ' and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, nei- ther shall there be any more pain.' We have both suifered a great deal of pain, my darling W., and we shall be very glad to escape from it for ever; but thee knows we cannot hope to do so unless we are washed in the Saviour's blood; unless our hearts are purified by the influences of the Holy Spirit; unless we love our Heavenly Fa- ther with our whole hearts, and our neighbor as ourselves. I should 12 * 138 LETTER TO HER MOTHER. [1835. be very glad to receive an answer to this letter. And now, my be- loved W., I must bid thee farewell." To her Mother. "Saturday Morning. " I would first offer to heaven, my dear mother, the fervent aspi- rations of a grateful heart for the inestimable blessing of a parent so dear, so kind, so worthy to be loved; and then to thee I would ten- der an expression of thankfulness for the unceasing watchfulness which has been extended since my earliest infancy; for the bright smile which has ever shed its radiance upon my heart, and dissipated the mists of fancied care. I would humbly offer to my Father in heaven a fervent supplication that he will henceforth enable me to perform, agreeably to His will, every duty incumbent upon an affec- tionate child, and a devotfed Christian. *' ' His goodness and mercy have followed us all the days of our lives,' and the only service He requires in return is the grateful homage of our hearts ; the consecration of our lives to His service. Truly, 'a reasonable service.' And now, on this, thy natal day, while our hearts are glowing with gratitude, and with love, let us mingle our prayers to our Maker that He will unite our hearts to fear His name; that, in all time of our prosperity, in all time of tribulation, He will be with us, bless, and keep us.'' Message to , " Sister Sue says she has great sympathy for you, and hopes you will be enabled to rest with entire confidence upon the finished work of a Redeemer. He is just such a Saviour as suits the necessities of the sinner and the sufferer. She 'says the last two verses of the 4th of Hebrews have been a great comfort to her, and the eleventh verse of the first chapter of Colossians.'^ ^'- Saturday^ June 2Qth. — Have been looking over Kirk White's Life. How much I love it ! I wish would read it. He says, ' The excellence of our Liturgy, and our Church, is more and more impressed upon my mind. How admirably do her confessions, her intercessions, her praises suit the case of the Christian !' To the expression of this opinion my heart truly responds," "22d, Early in the moming. — I had not time to write 1835.] PATRIOTISM. 139 yesterday. I like to be particular in making record of every Sabbath, as I think the manner in which this blessed day is spent is a good test of growtli or declension in grace. I trust I have been enabled to rememher the Sabbath day with more profit than formerly ; to pray more during the week, for a blessing upon it, which is of great importance, and to be more watchful. I have certainly enjoyed the last few Sun- days very much, and feel encouraged to press toward the mark in this thing." " JuJy 4th. — This is the anniversary of my country's independence. How thankful I wish to feel that I am an American ! I do dearly love my country, and yet I pray very little for her spiritual prosperity. May a deeper inte- rest in it be implanted in my heart. " This morning I was very happy. The weather was charming ; the birds sang gaily ; the new-mown hay was so fragrant, and all around so enlivening. My spirits were so good that I could almost literally have jumped for joy. I could unite with David's songs of praise : felt a desire to love God with all my heart. The exuberance of my spirits quite overcame my poor, weak frame. The latter part of the morning felt very languid." " 6th. — Woke in the morning in a prayerful frame. Went into Newtown to church. Enjoyed it much. The sermon was solemn, and I felt as if I could almost unite my entrea- ties with those of the preacher, that the sinners around me would come to Jesus. Spent great part of the afternoon in prayer ; drew nearer to God than almost ever before, and re- newedly consecrated myself to his service." " 16th. — Riding this afternoon, I felt much reproached that I have labored so little for the good of those with whom I have had intercourse, since I have been at Temora. I hope I shall not forget to pray more for them when I go away. This has been a delightful day. We talk of leaving to-morrow, and I would like to wander to the banks of the 140 CHRISTIAN CONVERSATION. [1835. Nosliamony, but do not feci able. I was far from well this afternoon. How shall I endure the bustle of the city ? I have prayed, and must continue to do so, for ' grace to help in time of need;' for grace to set a holy and consistent example, and to live nearer to my Heavenly Father than I have ever done. ^'July 29tJi. — This is my birthday. A retrospect of the past year aifords me much cause for self-condemnation, and I do desire sincerely to repent of my sins, and to lead a new life. Most abundantly have the love and forbearance of my Heavenly Father been manifested towards me during this past year. I feel greater confidence than ever in His pro- tection, and a more entire assurance that all things work together for good to them that love God, and yet mi/ love is very cold. Oh, that I had more faith in Jesus ! Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly into my unbelieving heart. " I spent two or three days last week with my dear Mrs. J , and enjoyed them much. They have family worship there, — an inestimable blessing ! Had many SAveet seasons of prayer while there. " I am becoming weaker and weaker since my return home, and suffer more than before. Yesterday, was not all day in a Christian frame of mind — felt peevish; to-day have felt differently. Oh, how much sin must God see in my heart ! ^' Aug. 1st. — This morning had some conversation that was truly refreshing. I do love Christian conversation. I wish Christians would talk more about religion. They were telling me of a young gentleman who was converted through Mr. 's instrumentality. He had been preaching a very solemn sermon, and, in conclusion, said that if all present would spend one hour, after their return home, in serious reflection upon the truths that had been urged upon them, he did not doubt that they would be fully convinced of their importance. This youth resolved to do so, instead of taking a walk, as was his custom. The result was a knowledge of 1835.] SABBATH PROFANATION. 141 the truth as it is in Jesus. I would not exchange the feelings excited in my heart by this recital for any thing this world can give. This young man intends studying for the ministry. May the Lord bless and keep him, and make him the instru- ment of the conversion of many. '•''Sunday afternoon. — Have just returned from church at Camden. Met many persons riding and walking, merely for pleasure. We see much more of the profanation of the Sab- bath in the country than in the city. It makes my heart heavy. Oh, my beloved country, I cannot anticipate pros- perity for thee, while the commands of Jehovah are thus dis- regarded ! For Jesus' sake, may the judgments that are hanging over our heads be averted. May a double portion of Thy Spirit be given to every Christian ruler and magis- trate, and may those who are themselves in the bonds of iniquity be converted, and made the instruments of enforcing the laws of God. 0 that, seeing as I do, every Sabbath, that the people forget God, my own heart were rendered more obedient to His holy laws. Oh, my Heavenly Father, I do beseech Thee to forgive my want of spirituality, and make me to worship Thee in spirit and in truth. I do hate sin, and I long to be delivered from it. Blessed be ' the Lamb of God that taketh away the sins of the world.' Blessed be the Holy Spirit who can and will perfectly sanctify my sinful heart. Blessed be our Heavenly Father, in whom are the Son and the Spirit. " Had a long season of devotion after tea. Felt a little what it is to have 'the Spirit helping our infirmities, — • making intercessions for me with groanings wliich cannot be uttered.' " l^th. — Had a conversation with , in which I very plainly expressed my interest in his welfare. He and an- othei* gentleman attacked the doctrine of the Trinity. I felt such an inexpressible conviction of its truth. 0 let me never doubt it. 142 ROMANISM. [1835. " 23ti — Felt sorrowful in spirit this afternoon, — oh, why am I so inconsistent? I am weary of myself. I felt as though a severe lecture from some Christian friend would do me good. I bless my Heavenly Father for the teachings and reproofs of His Holy Spirit. " Yesterday, Bishop Moore preached for us from the text, 'lam the Resurrection and the Life.' How beautiful an example of Christianity is this venerable man ! He does, indeed, endeavor to ^persuade men.' His allusion to our departed Pastor much affected me, and his approbation of our new one was very gratifying. I am prepared to receive him with thankfulness. "25f^. — Have just returned from a meeting in which I was much interested. Heard some remarks on the subject of Romanism which I hope will exert an extensive influence. The increase of Roman Catholic doctrines is most alarming. Thoughts of foreboding come over my mind as a dark cloud. I do not know that I ever had one feeling of bitterness on that subject, but I will, as far as in me lies, I trust, exert my influence in support of the pure doctrines of Christianity, and I pray for grace to fulfil my duty, my high responsibility as a professor of God's holy name, to fight manfully against all that opposes His government. I know I have never dis- charged my duty towards God and towards my fellow-crea- tures. Oh, that I could realize the value of an immortal soul ! 0 Lord, by any process Thou shalt please to select, I beseech Thee to show me my duty, and enable me faithfully to discharge it. Oh, make me feel how much Jesus loves the souls of men. I am ashamed of myself. I do not deserve the name of Christian. Oh, I am afraid my brother's blood crieth against me. ' Lord, deliver me from blood-guiltiness, and my tongue shall sing of Thy righteousness. Open Thou my lips, and my mouth shall show forth Thy praise.' "Last Sunday, Mr. Clark preached for us. I hope I went to church in some degree prepared for its solemn ser- 1835.] THE NEW PASTOR. 143 vices. I was exceedingly desirous to partake of the Commu- nion. I think I never longed for this ordinance so much. It is a blessed institution. When I first went to church, I was so agitated that I could scarcely restrain my feelings, so severe was the pain. " I prayed much for our Pastor, and sympathized with him in his situation of peculiar trial. His sermon was solemn and appropriate, from the text, ' Who is sufficient for these things ?' I trust that his urgent request that his people will fervently pray for him, will not be disregarded. I could not bear to speak, as I returned home, and when I reached my room, poured forth my feelings before the Lord. In the evening, Mr. C. preached from the text, ' I am determined to know nothing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him cru- cified.' I rejoiced in the sentiments he expressed, and my heart was very light as I walked home from church, with the anticipation of the good which will accrue to our Zion from a blessing upon his labors. ^'iSept. 14:th. — Yesterday was a day of inestimable privi- leges. Mr. C. preached from the text, ' Take heed how ye hear," — one of the most eloquent and impressive sermons I have heard' this long time. I wish I could be as thankful for him as I ought. He spoke of the necessity of a prepared heart for the solemn services of the sanctuary, and of the account we must render for its blessed privileges. I do not know any preacher whose sermons leave upon my mind im- pressions of so solemn a nature. I feel a desire to be entirely quiet after them, and to commune with my own heart. Oh, how much of the good effect of sermons is lost by idle con- versation in returning from church ! I do think it a great sin. Yesterday I felt a great desire to press towards the mark ; in the afternoon I suffered so much that my thoughts were rather distracted, but I listened with great interest to the discourse : ' There remaineth a rest for the people of God.' Oh, is not this a consolation ? 144 HIS INSTITUTION. [1835. ^'24ith. — Yesterday our Pastor was instituted. It was a most solemn and interesting occasion. I have never felt so deeply impressed by a sense of the sublimity and appro- priateness of the services of my own beloved Church. I love it better and better. I prayed with new interest for a bless- ing upon our sanctuary. Oh, how desirable it is that those who minister at the altar, should, in a spiritual sense, live of the things belonging to the altar ! How great is their responsibility ! It grieves me that they do not all realize it. I was glad to have an opportunity of partaking of the Holy Communion. I was very prayerful, and never was so much affected after its reception. I could not help weeping as I returned home. I felt more love for souls. I shall look back upon yesterday with thankfulness. Oh, that a new song of praise were put into my mouth ! I have ample cause for gratitude, and yet ingratitude is my greatest sin. "Oc^. Sd. — I have been more than ever impressed, lately, by the thought that one sin would be sufficient to exclude us from Heaven, were it not for the righteousness of Christ, — one unholy word or thought ! Oh, then, how dear ought His mediation to be to us ! I make so many trifling remarks, and am so ready to be amused by any nonsense. How strange it is! ' Oh, for a closer walk with God, A calm and heavenly frame.' 0 God, make me humble — make me to feel my vileness and nothingness, and my Saviour's all-sufficiency. «'9^7i.^_ Continue to pass much of my time delightfully. We have had very little company, and I am able to spend much time alone, and in the society of my dear cousins. I particularly enjoy talking on the things of eternity with cousin P. A. My heart warms with a desire to know more of God, while we are conversing, and I find the practice of praying with K. profitable. Oh, what a privilege Christian intercourse is ! Incline unto me, 0 my Heavenly Father, 1835.] ST. Andrew's. 145 those who fear Thee, and have known Thy testimonies, and put it into their hearts to deal faithfully with me. ^^Oct. 25th. — I was much interrupted in my season of prayer. I must not, I will not, forget or neglect my hours of retirement. Any thing else must suffer in preference, for my soul will not prosper without them. I cannot else be patient, prayerful, or useful, or any thing else that I ought to be. ^'■Sunday evening. — I have enjoyed this day inestimable privileges. This morning, was prayerful and watchful. Loaned ' Wilberforce's View,' with many prayers for a bless- ing on its perusal. Was very early at church, and prayed earnestly. During the service, was much affected. Oh, that I were always alive to the solemnity of our Liturgy ! The sermon was short, but very solemn, and I felt it deeply. As the congregation retired, I craved a blessing for them, and for us who remained behind to partake of the emblems of the broken body and shed blood of our Redeemer. I felt that I had been very inconsistent and ungrateful, and only deserved the anger of God, but was not afraid to trust in Jesus, who is my only hope. Oh ! what they lose, who disregard the injunction, ' Do this in remembrance of me.' I feel great love for . We knelt together at the chancel, — oh, may we stand together at the right hand of the Judge ! This evening, was at church again, — prayed much for the multi- tude by whom I was surrounded. The text was, ' What meanest thou, 0 Sleeper? arise, and call upon thy God.' The sermon was all that could be desired. I have not before had such feelings towards our Pastor as now. Since last evening, I really feel an overflowing of love towards him. I hope I shall pray for him with renewed interest. 0 Lord, let not the foot of pride come nigh to hurt him ; and forbid that he should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ. " Now I must retire. I do hope to live nearer to God, in K 13 146 HOUSE OF REFUGE. [1835. future. I have, within the past week, been unusually un- faithful. Oh, may God 7ioiv, before I have committed greater sins, and grieved his Holy Spirit more, draw me to himself. I hope He will make me humble. I do want to love and serve him. I am glad that His eye is upon me, sinful as I am, for He will search and try me, remove every evil way from me, and lead me in the way everlasting. He has loved me with an everlasting love, therefore with loving-kindness has He drawn me. I have gone astray like a lost sheep. Seek thy servant, for I do not forget thy commandments. "iVby. IdtJi. — Sunday evening. — Felt the sermon very deeply, and desired to praise God. The text was, ' I will give you rest,' and was most consoling to my spirit. I could believe that rest is mine, that I have already experienced it in a great degree, and that there is for me ' Rest enduring, rest in heaven.' When our Pastor spoke of the happiness the believer derives from the knowledge that God is his friend, that He controls all the events of his life, and will make all things work together for his good, I could cordially assent to the truth of all he said. I know that I am under the continual guardianship of my Father in heaven — that, notwithstanding all my ingratitude and disobedience, the wing of His protection ever overshadows me. When I re- turned home, I again sought the mercy of my Redeemer. " I do not wish to forget that visit to the House of Refuge. My heart yearned over those wretched beings, and was filled with prayer for them. The girls sang together the Orphan's Hymn. I was quite overcome by my feelings, and I observed that several of them wept. I could scarcely refrain from telling them of the Lamb of God, that taketh away the sins of the world. '■'■Nov. 21 til. — Last Saturday evening we had a most solemn prayer-meeting. I do not know when I have felt so deeply. Sunday Avas a stormy day, the first, for a long time, that I have spent at home. I knew I should be exposed to the 1835.] TENDERNESS OF CONSCIENCE. 147 temptation of speaking my own words, and thinking my own thoughts ; and fervently implored strength to resist it. I found it very difficult to spend the day profitably ; but did try, though I was not as watchful as I ought to have been. In the afternoon came, and we had some serious conver- sation. I read to her a little while in my dear Bridges. " I have missed my usual Sabbath privileges all the week long. On Wednesday evening the lecture was even more solemn than usual. I saw a great many young girls there, and one whom I have never met in the lecture-room before. I have for a long time made her a subject of prayer, and hope I shall still remember her. " I misspend my time, and yet I hardly know how to ar- range it as I ought, for I am exposed to such constant inter- ruption. Oh for wisdom from above, for good judgment and knowledge, and a heart full of love, and of hungering and thirsting after righteousness. Any affliction, any thing rather than the loss of God's approbation — any thing rather than self-deception. I am poor and needy, and I do come to Jesus. He does not reject me, ungrateful and sinful as I am." To a Sister. Nov. 30th, 1835. " Please read the 33d chapter of Ezekiel in reference to the faithful discharge of duty towards others. Though all Christians are not set as ' watchmen unto the house of Israel,' still, it is our duty to bear witness for our Saviour, and it is wrong to wait until we have made very great attainments in religion before we endeavor to persuade others to walk in the narrow path. Let us tell them that we are sensible of our sins, ignorances and infirmities, but our trust is in Jesus, and we desire them to apply to the same blessed source of light and life. Oh, it is a fearful thing to know that those who are all around us, many of whom are endeared by the most ten- der ties, are on their way to everlasting punishment, and to make no effort to persuade them to accept the offers of salvation ! What happiness would it be to be made the means of saving one immortal soul ! We ought to take heed concerning this thing, and make it a subject of constant prayer." 148 TRUE PEACE. [1835. "Dec. 2d. — We have had, this evening, a heart-searching lecture from the text, ' Come and let us walk in the light of the Lord.' I took several of my friends with me, and they detained me so late, that the service was nearly over when we reached the church. This was a great trial to me. Mr. C. desired that we would renewedly consecrate ourselves to the service of our Heavenly Father, on the approaching com- memoration of the death and sufferings of our Saviour, and I did it while he was speaking. I resolved that in the strength of the Lord I would go forward. I prayed much for those who were with me. " I feel in a prayerful frame. If I live another day, I hope I shall live nearer to God. I do not always realize His presence. I do not always live for eternity. I am so drawn away by the things that surround me. Oh, that my mind were so fixed upon God, that no conversation, no interruption whatever could interfere with my communion with Him. I lack wisdom, and this night I will ask it of God. And He will give liberally. I will ask in faith. ''^Sunday, Dec. \?>th. — I heard a sermon this morning which caused such excitement of feeling that I am quite weak. It was from our beloved Pastor, whom God does in- deed bless in an eminent degree, and whom I bless with all my heart, in the name of the Lord. ' He that being often reproved hardeneth his neck, shall suddenly be destroyed, and that Avithout remedy.' During the sermon my heart was lifted up in an agony of prayer for perishing sinners. I trembled lest this warning should fall unheeded on their ears. I asked God to grant that none of my family might be de- stroyed without remedy. 0 may I be more faithful in future. I bless God for the feelings he has given me this day. ^''Sunday evening. — Am about to retire, in the possession of the peace of God which passeth understanding. I have passed a very happy evening, most of it alone in my room. 0 that my heart were full of love to God ! Have I not more cause than any one else to love Him ? 1835.] CHRISTMAS. 149 ' Till I can praise Thee as I should, Accept my heart's desire/ '•'■Dec. 2Qt]i. — I have passed a very liappy Christmas, and am thankful that I have been taught by the Holy Spirit that this day is not to be devoted to levity, but consecrated to the Lord. I awoke, yesterday, with thankful feelings. I enjoyed the service, sermon and communion very much, and was fa- vored with peaceful and prayerful feelings. I desired, when I knelt at the chancel, to thank my Heavenly Father that He had thus far guided me in the way everlasting. " I had a long talk with one who is truly in nature's dark- ness, and who considers the light of reason bright enough to illumine his pathway to eternity. I felt my weakness, and did not attempt to argue in my own strength, but constantly lifted up my heart to God. I gave him a little Testament, and he has promised to read it sometimes, but says he has not time to do so every day. " 28^/i. — Sunday evening. — I think the institution of the Sabbath is one of the greatest blessings God has ever be- stowed upon man, and I am thankful that He enables me, in some manner, to appreciate it. Last evening was spent in preparation for this day. "The Liturgy seemed unusually impressive this morning; it has really been a blessing to my soul. I well remember when I first began to enjoy it. The sermon was solemn, and I felt a little of the value of souls. I am glad to find that I am not so selfish in respect to sermons as when I first became deeply interested in religion. I felt disappointed, then, if the sermon did not refer to my own case ; but now my atten- tion is directed to others, more than it once was. " This afternoon my mind did not seem stayed upon God all the time — it Avas not fixed enough. I felt so happy and contented, that I am afraid I was too well satisfied with my feelings, and was not watchful. I had a comforta.ble season of prayer when I returned homo, and enjoyed the Bible; 13* 150 SEKENITY OF MIND. [1836. then read and talked to the servants. May my Heavenly Father bless the further duties of this evening, and watch over me through the darkness of the night, for my Sa- viour's sake !" CHAPTER VIII. 1836. Serenity in Prospect of Death — New-Year Thoughts — Prayer for Guidance in Efforts for the Good of Others — Domestic Enjoyment — Letter to a Unitarian — Letter to a Sister on Baptism — Visit to Princeton — Letter to a Sister commencing a Christian Life — Visit to Cape May — Letters of Dr. Clark — Temora — Letter on Christian Activity. " Oh, how soul-satisfying are the consolations of the Chris- tian !" Such was the dictate of Miss Allibone's full heart, inscribed in her Diary for 1836. And Avhere shall we find a more apt and beautiful illustration of this truth than in herself! "As the sufferings of Christ abounded in her, so her consolation also abounded by Christ." Her Diary for this year expresses repeatedly the conviction that the last enemy would soon triumph in the dissolution of her frail and tottering earthly tabernacle. So strong and constant was this impression, that she might indeed be said to "die daily." She lived consciously upon the borders of eternity, and the ever-present thought solemnized and elevated, but in no de- gree saddened her soul. Sustaining faith was the precious gift of the Lord to his obedient child. Hence she was " chas- tened, but not killed — sorrowful, yet always rejoicing." The record of 1836 discovers the same sweet submission to her Father's will, the same unwavering conviction that the Lord Avas the portion of her soul, the same exulting delight in the God of her salvation. During this period she was still 1836.] N E w-y EAR. 151 permitted, although in much weakness, to visit the sanctuary, and dearlj prized and faithfully improved was the privilege. From the enjoyment and edification which she derived from the public means of grace, we can more fitly estimate the re- signation that consented, without a murmur, to being after- wards entirely shut out from them. How much she herself loved the ways of Zion, how anxious she was to bring others to participate in these, her choicest pleasures, almost every page of this year's record bears witness. '■^January 1st, 1836. — ' Goodness and mercy have followed me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.' This has been a very happy New-Year. I endeavored, yesterday, to reflect seriously upon the past, and to implore grace to help in time to come. " 8i^/i. — Wrote a letter of warning to a dear friend, with many tears. Oh, may I be more faithful in future, and may all the sinful reserve that prevents me from discharging my duty be forever removed. If I could only realize the value of souls, I should act very difierently. " Sunday morning. — I hope my hard heart has received a new impulse. I have been, sometimes, very cold lately — have done those things which I ought not to have done, and left undone those things which I ought to have done. I have been humbled, too — have been told that I want tact, and that I am too zealous in my efibrts to do good. Oh, how hard it is to be afraid to speak to those whom you desire to warn to flee from the wrath to come, whom you would per- suade to accept the ofi'ers of salvation ! 0, my Heavenly Father, wilt Thou teach me my duty in this respect? Take away the fear of man from my heart, and all sinful reserve. Make me wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove. Let me not injure Thy cause by indiscretion, nor prevent others from coming to Thee by any unnecessary strictness, but grant, in Thine infinite mercy, that levity may never expel seriousness from my heart or my countenance. Since I 152 EFFORTS FOR CHILDREN. [1836. came homo, I have boon praying and shedding many tears. I want unfeigned repentance and true faith. ' Oh for a closer walk with God !' In the strength of Jesus, I wall press towards the mark. " I am more and more sensible that the influence of religion is absolutely requisite to ensure domestic happiness. We need its restraining power and influence in our every-day in- tercourse, and we cannot be happy, even in this world, with- out it. May this conviction lead me to implore more ear- nestly the blessed influence of the Holy Spirit." To Miss E. K "Jan. 31, 1836. '"Lord, with glowing heart I'd praise Thee, For the bliss Thy love bestows, For the pard'ning grace that saves me, And the peace which from it flows.' " Dear E., we are commanded to rejoice in the Lord always, and why do we not? Is it because we are so sinful that we o^ight not to be happy ? No ; it is because we are so sinful that we will not. We are so unbelieving that we refuse to accept as ours the peace and joy which are provided for us in Christ Jesus. Let us both, my dear friend, strive to have brighter views of our blessed Saviour. Let us think much of all that He has done for our sinful world, and for our own souls, and then we shall love Him better. " I was thinkidg this morning of the vast capability of usefulness thee possesses in thy intercourse with "the immortal beings by whom thee is surrounded. Thee can, and I doubt not does, seek to im- press upon the minds of the children who are frequently NYith you, the importance of eternal things. I think this is a most important and delightful way of doing good. In striving to influence those whose habits are fixed, we have much to contend with, but impres- sions upon an infant mind are easily formed, and usually very lasting. I do hope, dear E., that thee will be the instrument of winning many souls to Christ. * * * Soon the night will come. Let us labor while the day lasts, and let us always endeavor when we enter the presence of others, to breathe a prayer for the Divine blessing upon our intercourse with them. Oh, how useful we might be ! I want to be stirred up; I want holy zeal for the welfare of 1836.J DOMESTIC ENJOYMENT. 153 souls, and I want the 'wisdom of the serpent and the harmlessness of the dove/ so that I may be a blessing wherever I go." " Sunday evening. — Spent a few moments in dear mo- ther's room. I do not believe there are many families so happy as ours. We have many temporal, and many spiritual blessings. 0, that we may be induced, by the mercies of God, to consecrate ourselves to Him ! I am astonished at the affection my friends evince towards me. Their hearts seem full of love to me. I would give God all the glory. I know that it is because he has wrought a work of grace in my heart that their affection is increased ; and I desire to be very humble, and to remember that I can, of mine own self, do nothing ; and to watch and pray against temptation ; to set a holy and consistent example, and to use all my in- fluence to the glory of my Heavenly Father. May the time soon come when we will all be united by the bonds of faith. Until that time may I pray, believing, and then, when we shall have done our Father's will on earth, may we all be gathered into 'a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.' 0, my Heavenly Father, wilt Thou give me faith to believe that Thou wilt grant this, for Jesus' sake, amen !" ^'■Feb. 9th. — I was privileged to partake of the holy Com- munion with dear . I found it very profitable to draw near the table of the Lord. I always anticipate this season, and have never failed to derive spiritual refreshment from it. • How strange, how inexcusable, that any should undervalue this blessed ordinance ! My heart was lifted up in prayer as I returned home." "/'eJ. 14:th. — I felt humbled while hearing a friend speak very unkindly of an absent person. I saw that such feelings are sinful in the sight of God, and while I desire to be thank- ful that I am not very prone to take offence at apparent slights, I would remember that my strength lies in Jesus, — watchfulness and prayer. ' He that hateth his brother is a murderer.' An angry thought is sin. 'From envy, hatred, 154 DIARY. [1836 and all unchaTitableness, good Lord, deliver me." I need that my faith be increased in this respect, for I very often offend in this thing, and I hope I shall, from this time, strive to pos- sess 'the mind that was in Christ Jesus.' 0, may I ever be enabled to realize that I cannot make myself meek and lowly ; that it is necessary that I be so, and that God is able and willing to make me all that He would have me to be." " Sunday, Feb. 21s^. — I think I generally feel more happy on Sunday evening than at any other time; more prayerful and more peaceful. This evening I have spent much time in prayer, and my chief desire has been for more faith." " 25^A. — Felt a great desire for holiness to-day, whik writing to a Christian friend. This evening have spent some time very profitably up-stairs, but was obliged to spend an hour in the parlor, with company, and a tedious hour it was. I feel more dull in the society of those who are trifling away their precious time, than anywhere else ; and I am thankful that I am mercifully permitted to spend so much time in retirement. I have suffered much this day, and must pray for strength to endure greater pain, for I shall have it to endure. 0, that I could realize the nearness of eternity ! I shall welcome suffering, if God will bless it to this end. My Heavenly Father, wilt Thou not enable me to glorify Thy name ? wilt thou not make me pure in heart ?" '■'■ 3Iare]i 2>d. — I have many mercies to record. Yester- day was very pleasant, and I very much enjoyed walking, and breathing pure air early in the morning. I was in much suffering, and, as usual, had to ask God for grace to help in time of need, after which I felt much better. Called at Aunt H.'s, and fell down the steps in such a manner, that it is wonderful I did not receive serious injury, but was not much hurt. In what danger are our lives, and how needful is it that we be always prepared to die ! I called to see Mrs. B., with whom I had a very profitable conversation. She told me 1836.] ESTIMATE OF RELIGIOUS TRUTH. 155 the circumstances of the death of two young ladies, who were the subjects of the disease I have ; and I felt an increased desire to be ready for the coming of the Son of Man." The great truths of the Christian religion were held by INIiss Allibone with the warm grasp of affectionate faith. No doctrine of her creed was with her an abstract speculation or a mere intellectual conviction. " With the heart she believed unto righteousness," while at the same time her reasoning powers were acute and well developed. When any doctrine, which she was assured was from God, was called in question, she defended it with the deepest interest. She was evidently arguing, not for victory, but for truth — truth of which she had known and felt the power, and which she was most anxious to commend to the conviction of those with whom she reasoned. With all her gentleness and considera- tion for the feelings of others, she could never be indifferent to false doctrine, or allow them to suppose her to be so. The union of directness and fidelity with kindness, in her expos- tulations with those whom she considered to be in error, is illustrated by the following letter to a friend, who did not believe in the divinity and atonement of the Lord Jesus : — "Feb. 26th, 1836. * * * "During the long interval that has elapsed since we have had intercourse, I have very often prayed that God would en- lighten thy mind with the light of the everlasting gospel — that He would show thee plainly that Jesus is < the way, the truth, and the life;' and I hope very soon to learn that thee has been shown 'the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.' Oh, how happy would such intelligence make me ! for thee cannot doubt the increase of my interest in thy spiritual welfare. The only reason why I have de- ferred writing has been that I could not see clearly that it was rieht for me to do so. I have very often read thy last letter, and reflected upon its contents, — and in attempting to aid thee in acquirino- a knowledge of the truth, I feel my own weakness most sensibly. I know that I am standing upon holy ground, and in my own strength 156 DIVINITY OF THE SON. [1836. I would not dare to write to thee on this subject. Thee says, that ' notwithstanding the very different degrees of religious knowledge to which we have attained, thee does not think our views so widely differ.' I hope that I feel my ignorance, my sinfulness, and my want of humble and lively faith too sensibly, to believe for one mo- ment that I have made eminent attainments in religion ; but permit me, my beloved friend, once more to say that our views do indeed widely differ. The doctrine which is to thee one involving so much doubt and perplexity, that thee says thee cannot adopt it, and which thee considers so repugnant to the reason with which God has so mercifully endowed His creatures, is to me ten thousand times more precious than all besides. Upon it is founded my only hope of heaven, and I daily and continually ask God to impress it more and more deeply upon my heart. Rather than renounce it, I believe I would endure any privation, any suffering. To me, Jesus Christ is precious. I hesitate not to ascribe glory to the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, and I expect to do so throughout the ceaseless ages of eternity. Does not the Bible tell us that ' Hereby perceive we the love of God, because He laid down His life for us' ? and do we not know that Christ, 'His own self bare our sins, in His own body, on the tree, that we being dead to sin should live unto righteousness, by whose stripes we are healed' ? Do not reject this truth, my beloved friend, because it does not now appear plain to thee. God will enable thee, if thee will ask Him, to believe ; though in this world thee will never be able to understand Iwio it is, and this thee is not required to understand. Refer to the last verse of the third chapter of 1st Timothj^. " There is an article in the Episcopal Recorder of last week, ex- tracted from an English paper, containing an account of the public recantation of a Unitarian minister. It states that he informed his congregation that he had formed an acquaintance with a clergyman, who, on debating with him on doctrinal points, ' had used such pow- erful arguments as to entirely beat him off his ground.' He, there- fore, prayed to God to forgive him, for having hitherto led his con- gregation impiously to deny the divinity of Christ. It is said that this information produced great excitement, that many were moved to tears, and the pastor himself was greatly affected. The trustees of the church have decided that he shall no longer be allowed the use of the pulpit. If this account be true, as I hope it is, I do most sincerely sympathize with and pity that man ; for he must feel that he has been the means of injuring many immortal beings, and I 1836.] KEFLECTIONS AT A FUNERAL. 157 hope he will henceforth endeavor to extend the knowledge of ' the truth as it is in Jesus.' " " Monday evening, I was obliged to stay away from the Monthly Concert. I was not well, and Ave had company ■whom I could not possibly leave. I do not think company should detain us from the sanctuary in ordinary Cases. I had rather appear rude to man than neglect my duty to God, and deprive myself of an opportunity of spiritual improve- ment : but in this case I could not go, and endeavored to bear patiently the disappointment. While surrounded by those who ' care for none of these things,' whose every thought and feeling are uncongenial with my own, I longed for heaven, where is no opposition to the kingdom of my Redeemer. I had cause to be glad that I did not go to church, as I hope I was enabled to be in some degree useful to a friend. ^^Mareh 26th. — I have neglected, during the past week or two, to procure a book in which to record my thoughts. As I think I have derived benefit from this practice, I intend to continue it as long as I am able. One of my chief objects in so doing is, that I may especially remark the manner in which I spend the Sabbath, for this is my spiritual thermo- meter. "Last Sunday afternoon, Mr. was buried, and I went an hour earlier to church, that I might enjoy the Burial Service, and be reminded of my latter end. I imagined my- self in the place of the deceased, and thought it very probable that my own dear family would, ere long, attend my remains to the grave ; and my only desire was that I might live and die in the Lord, and that my life and death might be sancti- fied to those who survive me. " Last Sunday morning, felt a great desire to grow in grace. My heart was moved during the service, though it was read in such a rapid manner that I felt disappointed. The sermon was truly excellent. Text, 'And when He was 14 158 PASTORAL VISIT. [1836. come near, He beheld the city, and wept over it.' I could not refrain from weeping almost all the time. "On Good Friday, Mr. C. preached from the text, 'It is finished !' — a solemn and affecting sermon. Oh, that I knew more of the love of Christ ! I resolved that I would think more of Him, and pray for more love and faith. As I walked home, my heart was lifted up in prayer. " On Saturday evening, we had a prayer-meeting which I desire ever to remember with pleasure. Our beloved Pastor gave us much excellent advice, which I shall endeavor to treasure up. He observed that if not a word were to be spoken, the reflection was affecting, that so m.any of God's dear children were assembled together, a blood-washed com- pany, on their way to Him. I was very sorry when the meeting was concluded. I did not wish to leave such a hal- lowed spot and such a consecrated company. '■^Sunday. — This morning I felt deeply interested in the service, though I was interrupted by some very foolish thoughts. I did strive against them, and could truly say, ' I hate vain thoughts, but Thy law do I love.' I enjoyed the Psalm, from the 84th, one of my favorites ; and when the hymn was given out, ' 0 for a closer walk with God,' I re- joiced, because I hoped the sermon would be in accordance with it, and I was not disappointed. The text was from Philippians i. 27 : ' Only let your conversation be as becometh the Gospel of Christ.' I felt that my heart was prepared for the sermon, and I hope it has sunk deep into it, and will bring forth in me fruit unto good living. "Yesterday we had a delightful visit from our beloved Pastor. He gave E. much good advice, — told her she must no longer defer to consecrate her heart to God, as a matter of duty^ and then He will take care of her liappincss. He prayed with us, and remembered me particularly in his peti- tion. He prayed that God would restore my health, and in this request I did not unite with him, for I desire to have no 1836.] DREAD OF EGOTISM. 159 ■will about it. I never have prayed that my health might be restored, nor my life prolonged. I do not know whether my feelings are just what they ought to be on this subject, but I pray that if they are not, God will make them so. " Oh, how much more happy and useful should I be, if my speech were so ordered, as always to minister grace unto the hearers ! but, alas, I talk of many things that are of no ad- vantage, and very often of myself. I think egotism a dan- gerous fault, and I desire to watch and pray against it. Oh, I wish I did not think so well of myself. When I say I want humility, I do not feel it deeply. I am afraid I do not know what it is." To her Sister S. May 3, 1836. " I was inexpressibly gratified, dear sister, to receive, yesterday, from a youug lady in whose spiritual concerns I have long been deeply interested, the information that she had decided to be bap- tized next Sunday. If this news from one who is almost a stranger had power to elicit tears of joy, how much greater happiness would it give me to welcome my own precious sister into the visible church of Christ ! You will be surprised at these remarks, for I have never yet said any thing to you on this subject, though it is my daily prayer that your duty may be made plain to you. "It is not only my opinion, but my conviction that it is your duty to make a profession of religion, whatever your feelings may be. And I trust you will constantly pray that you may be led in the way in which you should go. I trust you would not suspect me of a desire to induce any one to profess the religion of the Saviour, who has not fully resolved to take up the Cross and follow Him. So far from this, I would not for the world in any way assist to increase the host of inconsistent professors, who are a far greater injury to the cause of religion than its declared adversaries. I hope the cause of Christ is more precious to me than even yon, my dear sister, even would your interest be advanced by a premature admittance into the Church. "But I cannot believe that you have deferred until now to choose the Lord for your God. I know that you daily wait upon Ilim in prayer and in reading His Holy Word, and this not only because you know you ought to do so, hut because you ' hunger and thirst 160 PROFESSION OF RELIGION. [1836. after righteousness.' Your interest in this all-iuiportant subject is coutinu.'iUy increasing; you earnestly desire the spiritual good of those who are closely connected with you ; and your very powerful interest has been excited in a poor man who is a stranger to you, be- cause he defies your Heavenly Father, and you fear He will be lost forever. I know that unregenerate hearts are often deeply interested in the salvation of others; I know that many who are not entirely persuaded to become Christians have availed themselves of the means of grace ; but I never did know any one with feelings such as yours, who had not turned his steps Ziouward. You remember the history contained in the 13th chapter of Luke, of ' a woman which had a spirit of infirmity eighteen years, and was bowed together, and could in no wise lift up herself; and when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said, Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity, and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God.' " In coming to Christ we are required to submit to His righteous- ness, and to do His will. He has expressly commanded that His disciples shall confess Him before men. He has as expressly enjoined the duties of baptism and the Lord's Supper. I know that many deny this, but I have gained my knowledge and derived my views on these subjects from the Word of God, and from no human au- thority.' And I am sure that if you will study the Bible, and the Bible only, with referen.ce to these points of duty, in a spirit of ear- nest, humble prayer, you will hesitate no longer." May G, 1836. "T feel deeply humbled, sometimes, when I reflect upon the un- wearied kindness of my friends, and desire to realize that it is not because I deserve it, but because my Heavenly Father has inspired their hearts with sympathy and love towards me. And in addition to His many proofs of loving kindness, He has granted one of the most earnest desires of my heart, in having called my dear sister to a knowledge of Himself, for I believe that her heart has been changed by the influence of His grace. She feels that it is her duty to obey her Saviour's command to confess Him before men, and ex- pects to be baptized next Sunday morning. I know that she will be exposed to many temptations, but I believe that God will guide her with His counsel, and will enable her to take more and more deligiit in His service. It is a great consolation to know that though our hearts are so sinful, and our spiritual adversaries so many, who in the strength of Jesus trusts is more than conqueror." 1836.] PRESERVATION. 161 " 3Iaij 9t7i. — Yesterday was a most happy day. I stoqd "with my dear sister at her baptism, and my heart was uplifted to God for His continued blessing upon both. The vows of God are upon her, and in the strength of Jesus she will be enabled to fulfil them. I earnestly desire and pray that she may be enabled to press towards the mark, and to run the race that is set before her. Mr. C. preached from the 3d and 4th verses of the 1st chapter of I. Peter. I was almost overcome by my feelings, after church, and when I returned I had a very sweet season of prayer. To-morrow I expect, if it be my Heavenly Father's will, to go to Princeton. May the light of His countenance be lifted up on me. May He pre- serve me from all evil, and grant me His peculiar blessing, for my Saviour's sake ! " 3Iai/ 14:tJi, Saturday evening. — The very sound of Satur- day evening is sweet to me, and I always feel a great desire to spend it in preparation for the Sabbath. If my life be spared till to-morrow, I do hope I shall be enabled to keep it more holy than I ever yet have done. I have been several days in the country, and have, as usual, very much enjoyed the beauties of nature ; but it appears to me, they have not had as electric an effect as they have sometimes had. Still, I have not been quite unmindful that ' the hand that made them is divine.' Yesterday I was much interested in a little book called 'The Life of Mary Lothrop,' a little child, and just such a little child in faith and humility as I desire to be ; and I desire, too, to imitate her resignation to the will of God, and to feel the same love for immortal souls. "We intended to ride together, but company came, and K. was detained. She thought the exercise would benefit me, so I set off without her. I had some very good thoughts, and really witched to love God better. As we were returning, the horse took fright and ran off. I was not alarmed, though I thought it very likely I should ^ be killed, but said in my heart, ' I am not afraid, for Thou art with me.' As we L 14* 162 LOVE FOR HER CHURCH. [1836. reached the gate, succeeded in checking the horse, and we arrived in safety. K. was quite agitated. I asked God to sanctify this escape, and to make me more devoted to His ser- vice. Since then, I have felt very peaceful. Ibth, Saturday. — This has been a very pleasant day. In prayer with dear K. felt unusual fervor. We prayed espe- cially for the Episcopal Church in Princeton, and intend doinf so daily. Enjoyed the service at church less than I do at home, hut still, very much. I hope the time is not very far distant when hearty responses shall arise from every part of this sanctuary. " 18^A, — Am too excitable, when any thing is said in dis- paragement of my beloved Church. I ought to love it even better than I do, but my feelings should be so controlled by the influence of the Holy Spirit, that no charge against it, however unjust or unreasonable, should excite me. If I know myself, I am not at all inclined to speak or think ill of other churches, but do sincerely love Christians of every denomination ; but my principles and feelings are all enlisted for my own, and there may be more of bigotry in my heart than I am conscious of. I see and lament the want of charity in other Christians, and if the beam is in my own eye, I pray that it may be taken out. At any rate I feel that I was too warm in defence of my church, and I hope my love for it will not tempt me to sin any more, but to pray earnestly for its prosperity, — to pray that God will grant to our Bishops, Priests and Deacons the continual dew of his blessing, that He will increase the missionary zeal and the evangelical spirit which are more and more manifested. "■Whitsunday. — Enjoyed, this morning, the privilege of' the Communion. Would have been very glad to have par- taken with my own dear family, and especially with my dear sister E., Avho, I hope, has commemorated our Saviour's dying love for the first time, but w-as thankful to go to the table of the Lord here. I felt very prayerful and solemn, and as 1836.] RESIGNATION. 163 though I Avould be strengthened in my heavenward journey, but still my feelings were not as warm as they generally are at this season. I fear I did not pray enough for a blessing upon the sacred ordinance, and I hope, if I be ever permitted to enjoy it again, that my heart will be melted into unfeigned repe7itance, and inspired with true faith. I do pray for those with whom I united in obeying our Saviour's command. Oh, I do wish that I loved Him, — that I could realize His love to s'.nuers. Surely, I ought to do so. Every privilege has been granted me, and though I do not feel it with my whole heart. I am an unprofitable servant. Lord, have mercy upon me a sinner, and make me feel my sinfulness. Oh, let me not think well of myself. "I am often remiuded that my frame is capable of enduring much suffering, and if I did not know that God will ever be with me, to 'sanctify to me my deepest distress,' the antici- pation of the exquisite pain I shall probably suffer, if my death be a lingering one, would cause me to shrink ; but blessed be God, I am not afraid. He will send me no unne- cessary chastisement, and He will even enable me to bless Him for sanctified affliction. Though my outward man perish, yet my inward man is, and shall be renewed day by day. 0 that I were prepared for eternity ! 0 blessed Jesus, increase my faith, and cover me with the robe of Thy righteousness. " 24^A. — To-day I have enjoyed very much. Have felt more spiritually inclined, in prayer, reading and conversa- tion, than usual. I have not suffered so much as usual, and have wished to devote my intervals of ease to God. Oh, the peace of God is worth much more than all the Avorld can give. It passeth understanding, and I hope God will grant me more and more of it. " Jitwc Qth. — My prayers for a peculiar blessing upon the past Sabbath were more than answered. I desire to record the goodness of God. My morning devotions were more truly devotional than they often are. Did not expect to go to 164 GRATITUDE. [1836. cliurch, but it rained so little, that we thought it would not hurt us to ride so short a distance, so we wrapped up and went. I enjoyed the Litany very much. My prayers, part of the time, seemed to ascend to the Mercy-seat. K. and I had, at twilight, a long and consecrated season of prayer. I felt an unusual desire to praise God, yesterday. 0 that this desire may increase, for I fear I do not offer Him very often the incense of a grateful heart, though I endeavor to thank Him for His continual benefits. I have to say, * Till I can praise thee as I should, Accept my heart's desire.' " 9^7t. — What abundant cause have I for gratitude for blessings temporal and spiritual ! I am surrounded by every source of enjoyment ; constantly receive the kindest letters from home, and have, in my cousin's society, both intel- lectual and spiritual refreshment. " Talking of the odiousness of pride last evening, and of the tenacity with which it clings to the heart, I felt a great desire to be entirely free from it. I indulged a feeling of this kind a day or two since, of which I am very much ashamed. 0, that I were more like my Saviour ! I will en- deavor, in His strength, to be conformed to His image, and I trust that God will enable me, in all things, to crucify the flesh and the affections thereof. ^I wish nothing to remain in my heart which is not wholly spiritual. I love the law of God because it is very pure, though I feel that I come far short of it. I could not be happy if it were not infinitely holy." To her Sister. "June 10, 1830. " I cannot tell you how happy I leel this morning, my dear sister; the scenery around is so beautiful, the air so balmy, and the birds sininng so sweetly, that I feel inclined to unite with them in sing- int? a song of praise to the bounteous Author of creation. And I have enjoyed, too, a very delightful season of prayer, proving that ' the Lord is good to the soul that waiteth for Him ;' that lie does 1836.] LETTER TO A SISTER. 165 not forsake those who seek Him. May this be your happy expe- rience, my beloved sister ! May you be very diligent in running the race set before you ! May you rejoice in the Lord evermore ! You cannot imagine the delight it gives me to be able to write to you in this way, to encourage you to persevere in the course in which you have set out. The last letter I wrote you was penned with very different feelings — with a heavy heart — for I knew that you were grieving the Holy Spirit, and felt that I must send you a solemn warning, which I had reason to believe would be unacceptable; but how good has God been to us ! Oh, how can I praise Him for having brought my precious sister to the knowledge of the truth ; and though I am aware that she is yet a babe in Christ Jesus, that she has just commenced with feeble steps a Zionward journey, I be- lieve that He who has commenced a good work in her heart, will carry it on to perfection ; and my desire in sending her this letter is to encourage her to trust io Him with simple faith, and to re- mind her that, though an Almighty power must work in her both to will and to do, still it is her duty to work out her own salvation with fear and trembling. "1 feel very desirous, dear E., that you should live a life of faith in the Son of God, that you should realize the responsibility you have assumed in taking the vows of God upon you, and that in en- deavoring to pay them you should not be guided by the example of other Christians. If you are tempted to look to them, and to imi- tate their conduct, excepting in instances where you see plainly that it is according to the will of God, you will suffer great spiritual loss; but if you will ever 'look unto Jesus,' and strive to be conformed to His image, you will rapidly grow iu grace. You will find pecu- liar advantage in the study of the example of our Saviour, in medi- tating upon His humility. His long-suffering. His love for the im- mortal soul, and upon every attribute of His character. It is time for Christians to awake. The cause of Christ is continually brouo'ht into disgrace by the inconsistency of its professors ; and if those who have recently enlisted under his banner do not more manfully main- tain the contest against 'the world, the flesh, and the devil,' how greatly will be increased the triumph of the enemy ! My dear, dear sister, how fervently do I pray that you may be a faithful soldier of Christ 'unto your life's end.' Oh, accept the grace which is so freely offered ; be ' strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might ;' ' watch and pray,' lest you enter into temptation ; make an unhesitating sacrifice of aught that would impede your spiritual pro- 166 ENCOURAGEMENT. [1836. gress. I know you are ignorant, weak and sinful, but Jesus is all in all. I believe that we shall, together, adore the riches of re- deeming grace throughout the ceaseless ages of eternity. Here we are encompassed with sin and temptation ; there we shall ' see His face, and never, never sin, and from the rivers of His grace drink endless pleasures in.' You say that you behold in my conduct and character the beauty of holiness. When I read your expre.ssions of this kind, I desired to be humbled to the very dust. You cannot feel the sinfulness of my heart. Oh ! how often have I hastened from your presence to a throne of grace, to ask forgiveness for my wandering thoughts and unprofitable conversation ; and every day I have to mourn that I have ' left undone those things which I ought to have done, and have done those things which I ought not to have done.' I must be entirely covered with the robe of Christ's righteousness, for I have uone of my own. However, my dear sister, I do not misunderstand your meaning, and I accept your approbation with gratitude, and with humility acknowledge that, though ' I am not what I ought to be ; I am not what I wish to be ; I am not what I hope to be ; I thank God, I am not what I was.' His grace has wrought in me a wonderful change, and I would give Him all the glory if my example and influence have been tbe means of increasing your desire, my precious sister, to ' follow after holi- ness,' or if they shall be in any way the means of doing good. " And now, dear sister, feeling my own weakness, and imploring the assistance of the Holy Spirit, I wish to encourage you to 'follow on to know the Lord.' I know that I have not an extensive ac- quaintance with religious experience, but I do not hesitate to express my conviction that it will not be long ere you will be enabled to read your ' title clear to mansions in the skies.' I do not believe that, from the creation of the world until the present hour, any in- quirer after the truth, as sincere and as deeply interested as you are, has failed to find 'joy and peace in believing.' You are sowing in tears, you shall reap in joy. Yes, my own dear sister, I invite you, in the name of my blessed Saviour, to come to Him, and find rest for your soul. And now, I will give you the advice which I wish you henceforth to follow : — AVhile you cannot be too watchful over your own heart, nor pray too fervently that God will search and try it, endeavor, my dear sister, to think of the goodness of God, of the character and merits of the Saviour. As the Israelites were com- manded to look from their mortal wounds to the remedy that was graciously provided for them, so must we raise our hopes and afiec- 1836.] ASSURANCE. 167 tions to ' the Author and Finisher of our fliith.' Has not God truly- proved himself the Father of the fatherless, in granting us His best gifts. " And now, it is time to bid you flirewell. I have written this letter under the influence of very happy feelings, and as I retire, I shall commend myself with renewed confidence to the guardianship of our Father who is in Heaven. Yes! He is our Father and our Friend ! He has loved us with ' an everlasting love, therefore with loving-kindness has he drawn us.' " " lo^A. — Yesterday morning I enjoyed a long season of prayer, which was much the happiest part of the day. I endeavored to be watchful, for I was exposed to much temp- tation, and, I have no doubt, was thought exceedingly dull ; but on Sunday 1 dare not talk about worldly things. '"'■July bill. — Last Sunday I enjoyed the happiness of kneeling at the chancel of our own church, to celebrate, with my brother and sisters, our Saviour's dying love. As I ap- proached the chancel, I could have almost said aloud, ' Bless the Lord, 0 my soul ! ' I think I never more truly united with the prayers which were offered at this solemn season. Our Pastor preached from the text, 'An inheritance incor- ruptible and undefiled is laid up in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God ;' dwelling particularly upon the certainty of the salvation of those who are truly the children of God. I listened with delight, and rejoiced in the sure promise of God. His sheep shall never perish. This is a glorious doctrine. Oh, that I loved God more ; my heart is so cold, but still He will have mercy on me. He will give me more of His Holy Spirit. ^'■July 9th. — Saturday nigJit. — Late as it is, I must write a few words here. I was at our prayer-meeting this even- ing, and had very peculiar feelings there. Our Pastor alluded to the great probability that we should not all meet again in this world, and told us how needful it is that we be prepared to die. I thought it most probable that I should be among 168 WILLINGNESS TO DIE. [1836. those who shall be absent from the earthly courts of the Lord. I could scarcely leave the lecture-room, and as I left the church-yard, I prayed fervently that the Lord might guard and govern me. I was so exhausted that I almost fainted as I walked home. " I sat a little while afterwards with my dear, kind sister, and then read to the servants. I felt much affected in talk- ing to them, and trust that God will sanctify the truth. I must now prepare to retire. How many more days and nights will be appointed me, I know not, and desire not to know. ' My times are in Thy hand, 0 Lord.' My feeble pulse and elongated features tell me that disease is making rapid inroads upon my frame. My friends all observe the change in my appearance. This gives me pleasure. I have no wish to live. I enjoy many blessings. God has given me kind and beloved friends, but I do not feel as though it would be painful to give them up. I do want to love my Saviour more, to trust him more firmly. I know that I am a great sinner, that I am very unprofitable, but God will not desert me. The Spirit will not leave my heart. Jesus will cover me, poor and naked and miserable as I am, with the robe of^ His righteousness, and I shall unite in the song of the redeemed. In heaven I shall love God. Li heaven I shall know and feel what Christ has done for me, — then I shall be humble. Oh, that I were so now ! ' Into Thy hands I commend my spirit, for Thou hast redeemed me, 0 Lord, God of Truth.' ^'JuJ?/ 10th. — Sabbath evening. — This morning I attended church, perhaps for the last time. I felt that it might be, and the thought was not painful. Our beloved Pastor preached from the text, ' This is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.' The discourse was very practical. I felt very faint in church, and made no effort to go in the afternoon, — part of it I spent alone, some of the time profit- 1836.] LETTER TO HER MOTHER. 169 ably, though my thoughts were not all fixed upon God. I was obliged, afterwards, to be in company a little while, — I tried to avoid general conversation. I can scarcely imagine a situation I should more dislike than an exposure to unpro- fitable company on the Sabbath. I never feel so unhappy as when I am so circumstanced, I feel as though I was on enchanted ground. "22(^. — Cape May. — I have been here more than a week, and my poor Diary has been all this time lying in my trunk. I prayed very earnestly before I came here, that God would not let me come unless He saw that it would be for my spi- ritual interest, and for the good of others. He has very mercifully protected me from many dangers, though I am painfully conscious that, in many instances, I have indulged a worldly spirit." To her Mother. "Cape Mat, July, 1836. " My first letter home is always addressed to thee, dearest mother, for I love thee best, and am assured that no one else will be more glad to hear from me. I am delighted with Cape May, and think it probable I shall be benefited, though it is not probable I shall be innch better. I may be mistaken in my impression, but I shall not be at any time surprised by a summons to the eternal world. In a very little time I mat/, and ere a long period can elapse I must, bid farewell to earthly scenes, and I trust that I shall do so joyfully, for sinful and unworthy as I am, the Rock of my refuge is the Lord Jesus Christ, the Friend of sinners, my Advocate with the Father, whom I desire to be my all in all, now and for ever. I often wonder that I do not love my Saviour more, and trust Him with more child- like confidence, but I pray that I may be taught the height, and depth, and length and breadth of the love of Christ, that so I may be filled with all the fulness of God. It grieves me to know that the greater part of my life has been so unprofitably spent. That I have been myself so rebellious against God, and have neglected so many opportunities of endeavoring to persuade others to love and to serve Him. At the close of each day I feel that I have done those things which I ought not to have done, and have left undone those things which I ought to have done, and that I am indeed a miserable 15 170 CAPE MAT. [1836. sinner. Surely it is needful that we be entirely covered -with the robe of Christ's righteousness, before we appear at the judgment-seat. I do trust, my dear mother, that we may each thus appear there, not unreconciled to God, nor ashamed at His coming, but that all of us, who are so closely united in affection here, may meet at the right hand of the Judge. We do not like to be separated on earth, and I cannot bear the thought that any one of us should be absent from the company of the redeemed in heaven. I have often thought that if God should sec fit to make my death a blessing to my family, if He would condescend to confirm the faith, and render more devoted to His service such of them as have already professed His name, and to awaken to spiritual life my beloved , what a blessed thing it would be ! I enjoy many sources of happiness, and one of the greatest is the love and kindness of my friends. This is the richest of my earthly blessings; but I have a dearer and a kinder Friend in heaven, who is guiding me along a path beset with temp- tations and trials, and who will, I firmly believe, finally receive me to glory. "Accept, my beloved mother, my heartfelt thanks for thy unwea- ried kindness." * * * ^^Saturday nic/Jit. — According to custom, they are dancing in the drawing-room. What a preparation for the Sabbath ! Oh, that they would consider the realities of an eternal world ! And yet it is not so wonderful that the unconverted should be so engrossed "with the vanities of the world, as that I, the redeemed of the Lord, the subject of so many mercies, am not more heavenly-minded. There is a great deal of sin in my heart, and yet I do not follow after holiness with all dili- gence. Oh, my Heavenly Father, show me how beautiful it is, and make me love it. '' 27t7i. — We have a ball down stairs to-night. I thought, as I shut the door of my little room before it commenced, how greatly I would prefer an hour of communion with God, to any pleasure that a participation in the gay scene below could afford, and I felt really thankful that God has caused mo to seek my happiness in Him. " 29^7i. — To-day is my birthday. Goodness from God, and sin and unworthiness from me, have marked the course 1836.] EQUIPMENT OF THE SANCTUARY. 171 of the past year. Still I can trust in the strength of Jesus, and feel no doubt that through Him I shall come off more than conqueror over every spiritual foe. ^'Aug. ocl. — I have been at home since Saturday, and Avas very glad to return. On Saturday evening, went home to church again. How much I enjoyed the service ! I felt weak, and it had the most soothing effect. The Litany, and the prayers before and after the commandments, I like espe- cially. Oh, that I could always unite in the services of the sanctuary with my whole heart, without one wandering thought ! '■^Sunday, 1th. — I have been able this day to praise Him ' who is the health of my countenance, and my God.' I have rejoiced in Jesus, who hath brought life and immortality to light through the Gospel. I went to church this morning with anticipations of spiritual benefit and pleasure. I thought with pleasure of the service, and prayed that I might be enabled cordially to enter into it. I did enjoy it, and was glad to have so many of my dear family Avith me in the sanctuary. I prayed ' that we who worship here, may all at length in heaven appear.' I did yearn over their souls in the bowels of Christ Jesus. The sermon was delicihtful. I am thankful that I was permitted to hear it. Oh, how soul- satisfying are the consolations of the Christian ! May I henceforth be entirely consecrated to my Heavenly Father's service. " To-morrow I expect to leave home again. I desire to realize my entire helplessness, and to trust in Jesus for strength and wisdom. Then I shall be blessed, and be made a blessing to others ; but were I to trust myself, I should surely fiill. Oh, that I may be truly humble !" Although the present work is confined to the exhibition of Miss Allibone's character, and scarcely embraces in its scope other materials than those which she has herself left behind, the insertion of some of the letters of her esteemed friend 172 LETTER OF REV. J. A. CLARK. [1836. and beloved Pastor, the Rev. John A. Clark, will, it is be- lieved, add to its interest. Their relation was one of mutual confidence and affection, truly sanctified and cemented by the influence of the Spirit of grace. Overflowing with kindness for all the people of God, esteeming His ministers very highly in love for their work's sake, to those who held a pas- toral relation to herself. Miss Allibone's feelings were pecu- liarly strong and affectionate. So trusting in and cleaving to the Chief Shepherd, she greatly valued those who held to her the consecrated and responsible office of spiritual overseers ; and to the minister of Jesus Christ, feeling deeply his need of sympathy and intercessory prayer, how great a treasure was such a parishioner ? To Miss AlUhonc. Fairfield, July 27, 1836. "Ml/ Dear Friend — I have thought of jou frequently since I left Philadelphia. From having been a great suiFerer myself from ill health, I feel that I can sympathize with those who are laboring under protracted disease. With the light of Divine truth beaming around us, we need not greatly deplore these ills of life, for we know that God intends them to be disciplinary. Every affliction that be- falls us is kindly designed by Him to wean us from the world, and attract us towards heaven. And yet we are apt sometimes to doubt and to indulge gloomy fears, as though we were forgotten. "I am spending my time in the midst of a very beautiful country scene. All is quietness and peace. " The operations of agriculture are going on noiselessly around me. My eye takes in a sweep of country of about fifteen miles in extent. The circling horizon rests upon an amphitheatre of hills, up to whose very summits the hand of cultivation has spread its rural beauties. I went out this after- noon into the lonely field, and I sat down under the shade of a tree. This beautiful landscape was all before me. Above was the deep blue sky. I looked up to the majestic sun, and thought of the ten thousand worlds hung in the regions of space. And, then, when I elevated my thoughts to the Great Creator, who sits enthroned in light, fur above all these ten thousand worlds, I said to myself, ' Can He care for me, a poor worm of the dust V At that moment my eye rested upon a poor little clover-head, in full bloom. A bee had lit upon it, and was extracting from one of its little flowers the sweet 1836.] DIVINE PKOVIDENCE. 173 substance which constitutes that insect's delicious food. Soon it flew away, but it had spoken a lesson of instruction to me. On th^t sin- gle head of clover I counted twenty cup-shaped petals, and all these contained a prepared banquet for one of God's creatures. He had caused that plant of clover to spring up. He had watered it with the rains and dews of heaven. He had made the sun to shine upon it, and the winds to blow over it, and He had kept the ox that strayed over the field from licking it up. He had painted its leaves with delicate colors, and shut up a treasure of sweets in each one of its petals. And why had He done this? To feed a little insect, all of whose journeyings He had watched over, and for whose happiness He was solicitous. And does God take such care of a bee, and will He not take care of a blood-bought soul, who is to be an heir of glory ? The Almighty had watched over that single head of clover, and raised it with as much care as if He had no other business, as if there was not another plant like it in the world ! And yet, within my reach at that moment there were more than a thousand of its fellows ; and in the fields, millions, all waving in the gentle breeze, and emitting their fragrance. Over each one of these the Lord had watched. I cast my eye over the surrounding country, and thought what a mere S2")eck this field was in the landscape before me, and yet the presence and power of God were in every part of the landscape, of the world, of the universe ; and still He took care of this little flower, and that little bee ! Should I, then, fear that He would for- get me? I prostrated myself before the Lord, and prayed. It was the temple of Nature in which I worshipped. I felt that the pre- sence of God teas there. I remembered my people, I remembered my dear friend , and, as I arose, and looked again upon this beautiful scene, I determined I would come home and write you. " I fear I have filled up my sheet with a reverie that will scarcely interest you. But, my dear friend, you can gather this from it. You have no reason to doubt that God careth for you. Then cast your care on Him. Lie meekly at His feet, and say, 'Thy will be done.' " I came here sooner than I intended, on account of the sickness of little Mary. She has been very ill, but, we hope, is now decidedly better. Little Johnny was very providentially rescued from death, the evening bef )re my arrival, having been thrown from a carriage amid the stones. We feel that our children's lives hang upon a slender thread. " 1 wish you would remember me, very affectionately, to all your 15* 174 LETTER TO DR. CLARK. [1836. family; I love them all very much, and love to remember them all at a Throne of grace. Now, if you do not feel able to write, tell and that I have a claim upon them each, and that one of them must write in your place, and tell us how you all are. " Your affectionate friend and Pastor, "John A. Clakk. " P. S. — I am engaged now principally, as far as I am engaged at all in intellectual effort, in completing the Memoir of A." To the Rev. John A. Clarh. August, 1836. " I think I have never seated myself at my little desk with greater pleasure, for I am in haste, my beloved Pastor, to express to you the feelings of gratitude and joy that were excited by the reception of your kind letter. God proves that He does indeed care for me, by inclining unto me those who fear Him, and have known His testi- monies; and one of my most exquisite sources of happiness has been the kindness and counsel of my Christian friends. I feel that I am united to them by ties stronger than those of nature, and re- joice in every opportunity of holding communion with them. I have often desired to write to you within the past few months, that I might be enabled to express more fully my gratitude for the affec- tionate interest you have evinced towards my unworthy self and my beloved family. You have faithfully discharged your duty to us all, and my dear E.will have cause to bless God throughout eternity for your unwearied efforts and prayers. I know that you will continue to watch over her, should your lives be prolonged, and this is to me a source of great comfort. " I thank you for conveying to me the lesson you were so beauti- fully taught. I will receive it, and believe that, though less wortliy of His notice than that little head of clover, because I do not, like it, adequately fulfil the purpose of my existence, my soul will be watered by the dews of Heavenly grace, until I shall be transplanted into that blessed region where the ' sun shall not light on me, nor any heat.' '' Our Saviour has said that His sheep shall never perish, and as I know that I am a subject of redeeming grace, and am conscious that my Heavenly Father is guiding me with His counsel, I do not doubt that He will ' afterward receive me to glory.' It has been a long time since a doubt on this subject has disturbed my mind, and yet I feel that my heart is very sinful, and very ungrateful. I know 1836.] FILIAL ANXIETY. 175 that I am emphatically called upon to be separate from the world, and to labor for the conversion of those around rae. The hand of disease presses heavily upon me, and reminds me that I must, ere long, receive a summons to the eternal world. This impression is a very pleasant one. But I do wish, while my life is continued, to seek, above all things, the glory of God. Pray, my dear Pastor, that I may do this, and be enabled to rely, with more simple faith, upon my Saviour's merits; that I may look from myself to Him, and adoringly behold the wonders of His love. I feel that Jesus is my all in all, and desire to love Him more ; in heaven my heart will not be cold. I suppose you have heard of the death of R. H. Her last moments were deeply interesting. Another is added to ' the cloud of witnesses' by which we are encompassed. May all with whom she worshipped in God's earthly temple be re-united to her in her heavenly kingdom." " Temora, Aug. 11. — Arrived here on Monday. Prayed with E., and desire to do so every day. I felt an earnest desire that our intercourse should be profitable, and in a great degree it has proved so. In the afternoon we went down to the Neshamony, and I read to E. from ' Clarke's Scripture Promises and Sacred Gems.' I felt very peaceful, and glad to enjoy once more the beauties of nature. " On Friday Mr. R. came up for E. We were much shocked to hear that our mother, our precious mother, had broken her collar-bone, and was detained at Lebanon. I felt as though I should faint when I heard this news, though Mr. R. assured us that the injury is thought very slight. I came up stairs, and immediately commended our beloved parent to our Hea- venly Father's care, with strong confidence ; and since, though very desirous to hear from her, I have been enabled to trust her to Him. Oh, may He sanctify this affliction." To a Relative. " Temora, Aug. 12, 1836. * * * i(\ have remained in the country much longer than I anticipated when I left home, and have enjoyed my sojourn here very much, and have, I think, somewhat improved, though it is my opinion that my disease is slowly, but surely, gaining ground; for, 176 LETTER TO A RELATIVE. [1836. thnupih my appetite is much better, and my face less pallid, I am still encompassed around and about by ' often infirmities.' " These afflictions are indeed rendered light by the consciousness that they are proofs of the love of my Heavenly Father, and the bitterness of anticipated suffering is all taken away by the promise of ' grace to help in time of need/ and the assurance that, as my days, shall my strength be. That I may ever be enabled with pa- tience and humility to suffer the will of God is my constant prayer, and it gives me pleasure to believe that I have your prayers for my growth in grace, and ' in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ ;' whom, if I be not sadly mistaken in my own heart, it is my supreme desire to love and to glorify. I very often feel a diffidence in speaking of these things, for I am conscious that my attainments in religious experience are of a very humble character, — • that I am, indeed, a very ' babe in Christ;' but I do not doubt that the ' Lord will perfect that which concerneth me,' and that, if I depend upon His sustaining grace, He will make me useful to others. " You, my dear aunt, are a very encouraging instance of the mercy of our Heavenly Father. You have been for a long time sustained in the ' way everlasting,' and I do not doubt that when you have ended your earthly pilgrimage you will obtain a happy en- trance into the blessed abode, ' where faith is sweetly lost in sight, and hope in full supreme delight, and everlasting love.' " Please remember me very affectionately to dear M. I very often think of her with affection and sympathy, and trust that she is enabled to bow with submission to her Heavenly Father's will, and to rejoice in the hope of a glorious reunion with those who have been so blessed as to have been admitted before her into the city of the living God, ' the general assembly and church of the First-born, whose names are written in heaven.' It is a blessed thing to know that in the case of our dear departed friends has been brought to pass the saying, ' Death is swallowed up in victory.' Remember me also to Mrs. . I feel a very sincere interest in her welfare, and it is my frequent prayer that the strength of Jesus may be hers. * * * "Yesterday, went to church. Enjoyed the service very much. The sermon was on the atonement. It was excellent. I long for the time when this community shall perfectly know 1836.] PATIENCE or HOPE. 177 our Lord Jesus Christ to be tlie Way, the Truth and the Life." " Wednesday. — Was enabled to preserve, in some degree, a Sahhatli-day spirit. In the afternoon went to see P., and walked home. I found in this old woman a melancholy proof that old age, sickness and poverty do not, in themselves, overcome the love of the world. I read, talked and prayed with her. I thought I would do my duty, and leave the rest to God. I think it likely that she had never seen any one kneel before. " Yesterday I was much depressed by hearing some in- stances of the depravity of human nature, and felt thankful that there is a Saviour of sinners. Oh, how wretched would be our lot, had we always to remain in darkness and the shadow of death ! Blessed Jesus ! Thou hast brought life and immortality to light, and I pray Thee to hasten the day when the light of truth shall illuminate the whole world. I do sometimes long for that happy period when, ' at the name of Jesus, every knee shall bow.' " I have had some happy thoughts of heaven lately. To be free from sin and temptation for ever and ever ; to know God ; to see Him as he is ; to praise Him aright, and to comprehend the love of Christ. Oh, when shall all this be my happy experience ? I must be content to suflfer and to labor until the time of my deliverance shall come. Father, Thy will be done ; give me grace to rely solely upon my Re- deemer's merits, and to glorify Thee by action and endu- rance. Make me the means of converting many souls. Let me be strong in Thy strength, and then I shall be with Thee forever." Rev. Dr. Clarh to Miss Allihone. Fairfield, August 23d, 1836. "My dear Friend, — I have deferred answering your kind letter so long, that I have deprived myself of the pleasure of receiving a reply to this, as we purpose to leave here for Philadelphia in about M 178 LETTER FROM DR. CLARK. [1836. a week. It is possible, however, you niny be still in the country, and that your friends will forward this to you, and in that case, I shall expect to hear from you after I get to Philadelphia. " I have, within a few days, finished the memoir of dear Anzo- netto; and ever since I laid it aside, I feel somewhat like one that is bereaved. For a long time have I been cultivating an intimate acquaintance with this young saint, and watching her upward course, as she ascended higher and higher in her path of Christian attain- ment, till at length I saw her stand on an eminence far above myself, and almost out of sight; and, then, while I still gazed upon her, her spirit, as though etherealized by her near approach to the celestial world, quit its clay tenement, and stretching its wings, soared aloft to the presence of God. As she followed Christ, so may we follow her till we reach the same blessed abode. As you promise yourself some enjoyment in the perusal of this memoir, I thought it might be interesting to you to know that it will shortly be sent to the press. "I rejoice to know that your afflictions are leading you to look more to eternal things, and to feel willing to part with the world and be with Christ; and I particularly rejoice that you are enabled to ' read your title clear to mansions in the skies.' This is a great privilege, and when at times you feel depressed to think your heart is so cold, and that you love God so little, remember what God has done for you, and begin to thank him for his mercies, and to recount his blessings, and while you are engaged in this act of praise you will feel your heart burn within you. I would write you a long letter, but the mail is just ready to close, and so I must wish the blessing of God upon you and bid jou/arcivell." " 2Sth, SahhatJi. — I desire to return humble and hearty thanks for the blessings which have been vouchsafed me this day. It has been the most happy Sabbath I have passed here. Went to church with great joy, and was very much dclig-hted to see M. E. consecrate herself to the service of God in the blessed rite of baptism. I prayed for her with sincerity, and desired that the impressive scene might be the means of the conversion of many. I felt in haste to see one and another of this congregation come up to give themselves to the Lord in the bond of an everlasting covenant. 1836. DESIRE TO WIN SOULS. 179 " The sermon was of Jesus, and I know it will be blessed. I could not help shedding tears as I returned home, and prayed for this flock. " But it is dark : this blessed, beautiful Sabbath-day is almost past." ^^ Sept. 3c?. — I could not go to church, so I resolved tc spend the day as raucli as possible in communion with mj Heavenly Father. I did not forget that it was our commu nion Sabbath, and asked for an especial blessing, though de- prived of this ordinance. I read and prayed over the service with many tears and yearnings after more grace. In the evening I heard the boys read in the Testament, and talked and prayed with them. Every night, after I retire, Violet comes into my room and reads me a chapter. I give her the best advice I can, and pray with her. I have many other opportunities of trying to win souls to Christ, and though it is a trial to be away from home under present circumstances, I am perfectly willing to stay here as long as it shall be tbe Lord's will. In all my ways I will acknowledge Him, and He shall direct my paths. I find I have some influence here. God has given it to me, and I desire to use it for His glory. It is not myself I would recommend, but the cross of Christ. I know, however, that my heart is very deceitful, and I often pray that if God sees I would not give Him the glory, were he to make me useful. He will not suffer the conversion of souls to be hindered by my sinfulness, but will give me purity of motive, and forbid that I should glory save in the cross of Christ, by whom I beseech Him to crucify me unto the world, and the world unto me." ^'■Sept. 8tli. — The sun is just setting, and a more beautiful scene cannot be readily imagined. I have just returned from my favorite resort, the banks of the Neshamony, where cousin J. has placed a seat for me. Every thing around was bright and beautiful. ^God is love,' is plainly indicated by all His works. Oh, that my heart were filled with love to 180 CHRISTIAN ACTIVITY. [1836. Him ! Several times, lately, I have felt oppressed with a sense of ingratitude, while surveying the Avorks of creation. I have longed for a new song of praise. I want to love God supremely, to forget -rnyaelf, and to give thanks to Him for His great glory. He surely will enahle me to do so. More than two days of my solitude have passed. I feel this a season of uncommon privilege. " Qth. — I am well convinced that 'it is not solitude to be alone.' I have been again to Ncshamony, and I never saw the prospect so lovely. I met a boy in the road, who said he would not mind going to Sunday School, if there were one near. Oh, that there were ! I will pray more for one. I cannot teach myself. I think Sunday School teachers ought to think themselves highly privileged." To her ^islcr S. "Sept. 18, 1836. " I write to you, my dear Sister, to express my earnest desire that you shall be a very active Christian. I want you to consecrate your- self, all that you have and are, to the service of the Lord, and to use all your influence for His glory. If your life should be spared, I expect you to be the means of the conversion of many souls. You may be surprised at this language, and tell me that you are not sure that you are yourself a Christian, and that until you shall have made more exalted attainments in piety, you will be unfit to instruct others. My dear Sister, you have no time to lose ! Very soon both you, and the immortal beings by whom you are surrounded, will have ended the term of earthly existence ; and I do entreat you, for yourself and for them, to 'work while it is called to-day.' Do not hesitate to cordially accept the terms of salvation ; ' be not faith- less but believing,' and then, when you have done this — but this step I trust has been already taken — say, ' Lord, what wilt Thou have me to do ?' Pray for love for souls ; pray for a strong convic- tion of the danger of those who are out of Christ, and do not hesi- tate to faithfully warn them of a 'judgment to come.' I know that you have made many efforts for the good of others, and I cannot express the pleasure which this conviction gives me. If your ener- gies were fully awakened on this subject, I feel assured that you would be uncommonly useful. You have viany talents, and I wish 1836.] LETTER TO A SISTER. 181 them to be employed ia the advancement of our Redeemer's king- dom. I wish you to render all your time, all your means, as far as in you lies, conducive to this great end. "And as a Mother, my beloved sister, how great is your respon- sibility ! I hope your sense of it is daily increasing, and that you offer many prayers for heavenly wisdom. I have great hopes for W. I have been long under the impression that he may be intended for great usefulness in the Lord's vineyard. This is my only ambi- tion for him, and I know that you covet for him the ' best gifts.' Let our united prayers ascend to the mercy-seat, that God will grant him all spiritual blessings in Christ Jesus, and let us expect the im- mediate fulfilment of our wishes. He already evinces uncommon interest in the things of eternity, and I want him every day to ' grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.' Then, even though he should be in early life called to his heavenly home, he will add another to the cloud of xcitnesscs. I hope you will ever 'seek jSrst;' for him ' the kingdom of God and his righteousness,' and that, whenever you are about to take any step in relation to him, you will consider what bearing it may have upon his immortal destiny. I cannot express my love for this dear boy ; it is of a very peculiar nature, and I feel interested in you for his sake, almost as much as for your own. And let me earnestly entreat you, my dear sister, to teach him to ' keep holy the Sabbath-day.' Make this a subject of constant prayer, for much depends upon it. I never knew a happy or a devoted Christian who did not 'call the Sabbath a delight, the holy of the Lord.' Pray for a blessing on this day, during the week, and you will certainly receive it; every return of this season will become more hallowed. " I know that you will not think me presumptuous because I write thus; you have ever kindly received my assurances of Christian interest, and I hope I should not be less willing to receive advice from you." * * * " 20?^. — How could I endure this suffering, did I not pos- sess the consolations of religion ? How ■wretched would be my lot ! I thank Thee, my Heavenly Father, for Thy sus- taining and quickening grace. Thou art, indeed, a very present help. " Last evening I taught the boys with great pleasure, and prayed with them with more interest than usual. Oh, that 16 182 TO A NEPHEW. [1836. I felt more love for their souls ! I will pray for more, and God will give it to me. "After having talked to Hannah, a little girl of eight or nine years of age, "who told me she had never heard of the Saviour, I went over to Joseph's, feeling unwilling to leave this place without warning them once more of their danger, and beseeching them to seek salvation. I did so, and was thankful to see that they appeared solemn, especially J.'s mother, who is a very wicked old woman. I did pray fer- vently with them, and for them. To her NepTieio. *' Friday eve. "Yes, dear "W., Aunt Sue has come home, and very glad she would be could she have her precious boy with her. Christmas will soon be here, and then I hope to enjoy that pleasure. My visit to the country was very deligbtfuL We had walks and rides; and the most happy hours were passed in my own room, in prayer and the study of the blessed Bible. Is thee not glad, dear W., that our Heavenly Father has revealed His will in His holy Word ? Let us read it with earnest prayer, and then we shall be guided into all truth ; and, above all, let us seek to know more of our dear Re- deemer. It is my constant prayer, my dear boy, that thy life may be devoted to His service. I want thee first to give thy own heart to the Saviour, and then to strive to persuade others to love Him. Does thee love to pray? — to enter into thy closet, and pray to 'thy Father which seeth in secret'? Remember that He has said, 'They who seek me early shall find me.' 'A very sweet little boy of ten years, who attended bur Sunday School, was very suddenly called into another world a short time since. He asked Mrs. Bedell, some time ago, if she would not teach him to be good, and she told him to come to her every Sunday after- noon, and she would instruct him. Some time ago he asked bis mother to change some money into pennies. She asked him what he wished to do with them ; he told her that he wished to put them into the missionary-box, and said, ' Will not that be giving to the Lord V I hope he is now in that bright and happy world which is prepared for the redeemed. How I do long to go there ! Shall we not together sing our Saviour's love, my precious W. ? Oh, do come 1836.] DOCTRINE OP THE TRINITY. 183 now, and say — 'Here, Lord, I give myself away; 'tis all that I can do !' " "N'ov. IStJi. — On Friday afternoon, I was again at our beloved Bible-class. Felt unusually happy. Our lesson was short, but very practical, as it always is. It referred to the mediation of our Redeemer. I trust that doctrine is becom- ing more precious to me. I have been reading, this after- noon, some of the predictions which relate to the Saviour's coming, and to His character. He is ' the mighty God, the everlasting Father,' — and I desire to honor Him as I Avould honor the first person in the glorious Trinity. Oh, I love the doctrine of the Trinity, and hope my faith in it will more and more increase. ' Lord, wilt Thou grant me in all things a knowledge of the truth! I thank Thee that I am not left to lean upon my own understanding, but that Thy blessed Spirit is my teacher. Make me more humble, I beseech Thee, so that, as a little child, I may sit at the feet of Jesus. '•'•Nov. 22(7. — In the evening, was so overcome by pain and nervous feeling that I shed many tears. This is something very unusual, and I desire to feel, more than ever, my need of help from above. I had felt better, and did not pray so earnestly for grace to endure suffering, — and it is, no doubt, on this account that I was not able to bear it better. I did not feel like murmuring, though. For ten thousand worlds, I would not have one murmuring thought. I hope my Heavenly Father will do with me and for me as is best in His sight. On Sunday evening I had a long talk with L., and prayed with her. On Monday we had another talk. She is deeply impressed, but has been so long hesitating on this subject, that I am uneasy about her. It is a dangerous thing to defer a decision. So many of my friends have disappointed my hopes recently, that I cannot feel secure until an awakened person is in the Ark of safety. '•'•Dec. 6tli. — I should be delighted, could I record the 184 ENCOURAGEMENT. [1836. events of the last ten days. I think the last week has been, decidedly, the happiest I have ever passed. Dear L.'s se- rious impressions continued to increase, and I persuaded her to ask counsel of my dear Pastor last Wednesday Aveek. While he was urging on her the necessity of an immediate surrender of her heart to God, she exclaimed emphatically, ' I will decide !' How joyous a sensation did these words excite ! " I called, on my way home, on Mrs. C, to try to persuade her to he on the Lord's side, hut was not much encouraged. I told her I would continue to persecute her on the subject as long as my life should continue, or until she became offended, or induced to accept the terms of salvation — so help me God. " L., after this decision, felt much happier, and went again to see Mr. C, who gave her the questions. She returned home very much agitated. I prayed with her, and she answered the questions, and resolved to be baptized on Wednesday evening. On Wednesday morning we paid a visit to Mr. C, which I enjoyed very much. The day, alto- gether, was unusually happy. " On Thursday I very unexpectedly went again to Dr. K.'s, and staid until Saturday evening. I had some very sweet seasons of intercourse with the Dr., who is rapidly hastening to his heavenly home. I read the Bible to him very often, and listened with interest to his comments. I felt constrained to pray with him, and was very glad that I obeyed the im- pulse, though I could scarcely summon courage to do so. While there, I enjoyed delightful communion with my Heavenly Father, and I trust I shall retain the solemn and peaceful impressions that were the result of my intercourse with the Doctor. How desirable does his situation appear to me ! He is very near heaven. " To-day I have been more depressed than I have been for a long time ; have suffered very much, and have borne it with 1837.] DELIGHT IN THE WORD. 185 less cheerfulness ; have felt, too, in some degree, disposed to be irritable. Went to God with all my sins, in the name of Jesus, .and He gave me strength to bear pain better, and I felt more comfortable. CHAPTER IX. 1837. Office of Sponsor — Letter to a Sister after Baptism — Feelings at Wit- nessing Confirmation — Visit to a Dying Believer — Bucks County — Letter alluding to her Sufferings — Feelings at the Prevalence of De- pravity— Spiritual Ignorance and Destitution — Buchanan's Memoir — Dr. Clark's Ill-Health and Leave-Taking — Close of 1837. '■'■Jan. Qth, 1837. — This morning I have experienced a pe- culiar melting of heart in the perusal of the 4th chapter of Ephesians. The Word of God is very pure, therefore I love it. I do earnestly desire that the holy doctrines contained in the Word of God may be deeply impressed upon my heart, and exemplified in my conduct. I want to see more and more of the beauty of holiness. I want to be like my Saviour. 0, blessed Jesus, Thou art my Guide, my all in all. " Yesterday I spent at Dr. K.'s. My interest in him is very great. I was very happy that I was enabled to com- fort him with the comfort wherewith I am comforted of God. His aspirations after more intimate communion with the Sa- viour were very earnest, but from the temptations of the enemy, and the influence of fever, his mind was somewhat clouded. I read and repeated many hymns and promises which were refreshing to him. I desire that this intercourse with one who has so nearly closed his earthly pilgrimage may be deeply sanctified to my soul. And now, while I possess some mental vigor and bodily strength, I desire, pray and resolve, in the strength of Jesus, 16* 186 DIARY. [1837. ' That all my powers, with all their might, In God's sole glory shall unite.' *' 12th. — Yesterday I was offended because I was opposed in an intention I expressed to persuade a professor of religion to stay away from the theatre. I was in great suffering and was irritable. Oh, how much grace I need ! I wish to be truly humbled, to depend entirely upon strength from above, since I have none of my own. 0 Lord, wilt Thou make me more and more humble, and wilt Thou enable me to prize, much more than I ever have done, the merits and mediation of my dear Redeemer. This week I have not enjoyed as much as usual. I think it is because my devotions have been so much interrupted. I must rise earlier. If I were able, I think I would spend several hours in communion with God be- fore breakfast. " loth. — Another of my friends has joined the spirits of just men made perfect. He is now with the Lord, and will be with Him forever. Oh, what a blessed transition ! There is nothing gloomy in the death of a Christian. " 25fZ!. — I have felt some holy desires, this evening, and some sweet, peaceful feelings. I have been reading a letter of Miss Jewsbury addressed to a friend who mourns the im- portance which secondary things possess in this state of ex- istence, and the prevalence of folly and sin, with feelings of morbid sensibility, rather than a desire to amend the evils she deplored. I too have had many sorrowful thoughts on this subject, and I would avail myself of Miss J.'s instructions, and constantly offer at a Throne of Grace the inquiry, ' Lord, Avhat wilt Thou have me to do ?' and the prayer, that He will make all things work together for good to me, and to each of His children. Why do I not love God more, and serve Him better ? Why have I not a more vivid sense of His pre- sence ? 0 may I henceforth seek Him more diligently, and He will give me abundance of grace. " I have been quite sick during the last five or six days — 1837.] PRAYER. 187 not Tvell enough to sit up, and scarcely to read. I have not lived very near my Heavenly Father. I want those interrup- tions, to which I am so constantly exposed, to do me more good, — to make me more watchful and prayerful. When I am unahle to leave the room to attend to my devotions, I find great diffi- culty, but I will offer any kind of prayer rather than none at all. Prayer is, indeed, my ' vital breath.' How thankful I should be that it is so ! ' Thanks be to God for His unspeak- able gift !' "28^/?, Saturday evening. — What pure and exquisite hap- piness do I enjoy in the society of my beloved family ! My dear mother's bright face and kind words gladden my heart. ^'■Feh. 6th. — I was permitted, yesterday, to partake of the Communion, and very much I enjoyed this ordinance. My mind was at peace and I was very prayerful. I could praise the Lord all day, — I felt more happy than usual, and in the evening, particularly, my heart so overflowed with gratitude that I was constrained to offer the sacrifice of thanksgivino; with my dear mother and sisters. " On Friday afternoon I was strong enough to go to Bible class, and found it very profitable. There I heard of another instance of God's goodness in having permitted one of His servants to depart this life in His faith and fear. I love to hear of these things. I could not go to prayer-meeting on Saturday evening, but received a blessing at home. An event occurred, on that evening, which I shall ever remember with gratitude. I am more and more convinced of the sanctifying influence of the doctrines contained in the Bible, and I wish that those who oppose religion on account of the inconsis- tency of its professors, Avould examine the Bible and see foi' themselves what religion is, and then themselves become the living epistles of its truth. How much better this would be ! How desirous I feel to exemplify the beauty of holiness, so that I may never injure the cause of Christ. I want to be very humble. ' Hold Thou me up, and I shall be safe, and I will have respect unto Thy statutes continually.' 188 OFFICE OF SPONSOR. [1837. " 10th. — The hallowed season of Lent commenced last Wednesday. At twilight I was interrupted in my season of prayer. I hurried up stairs after tea, and was again inter- rupted. I could not go into a cold room, as it gave me cold before, and all I could do was to be still, and try to commune with God in the presence of others. This had a good effect, for it made me long for heaven, where I shall enjoy uninter- rupted and eternal communion with God, through the infinite merits of my Redeemer. ^^Feh. 2Qth^ Sunday. — My cold heart has been more warmed with spiritual affections this evening, than for a long time past. I greatly desired to go to church, as Confirma- tion was to be administered ; but I knew the exertion would injure me, and my conscience would not let me go. I was so happy as to spend nearly all the evening alone, — yet not alone, for God has been with me. Oh ! He is better unto me than all the world beside, and I do desire to live nearer to Him. I have been writing a note to with many tears, urging her to come out on the Lord's side. '■'•BlarcJi 2d. — I have tahen upon me a new and very heavy responsibility in becoming sponsor for little K. F. I thought that some one in better health would be more desirable, but Mrs. F. expressed so great a desire that I should assume this ofiice that I did not think it right to i*efuse. May I be en- dued with grace to pray constantly and earnestly for this dear child. May I yearn over her in the bowels of Jesus Christ. In life may I set her a holy example, and in death, leave for her benefit a testimony of the faithfulness of a covenant God. " It was interesting to see Mrs. F. standing at the chancel with her six children, consecrating them to the service of Him who gave them to her. May He accept the offering, for the sake of the Friend of little children. " I have made more effort than usual, this day, for the good of others. I have enjoyed the privilege of conversing with 1837.] THE DESIRE ACCOMPLISHED. 189 several who fear the Lord, and have received a letter inform- ing me that a prayer-hearing Jehovah has guided one of His children into a path of duty which has been, until recently, very obscure. ' Wait upon the Lord,' — there is nothing like it. I hope I shall be enabled to ' let my life show forth Thy praise,' my Heavenly Father ! Forever blessed be Thy holy name. ^^3Iarch 5th, Sunday. — This morning I drew near the table of the Lord, to receive the emblems of His dying love. I felt very prayerful during the service, — very comfortable indeed, though I regretted that I had not brighter views of Christ. The season was a very interesting one. Many new communicants were added to our number ; and very affec- tionately do I pray for them. Our dear Pastor preached a very encouraging sermon. The text was ' Looking unto Jesus.' My heart was softened. I felt that Jesus had been my Friend, my best Friend ; that He is even now bestowing upon me blessings which He has purchased with His own pre- cious blood ; and I desire to renew my faith, and love and allegiance to His service. 'Jesus, I my cross have taken, All to leave, and follow Theo.' " I have suffered much more pain than usual, to-day. I am thankful for the grace which is given me to endure it, not only with submission, but gratitude. As my sufferings abound so may the grace of God much more abound. May I ever realize that in myself I possess no power of endurance, and may I constantly pray to be ' strengthened unto all long-suf- fering with joy fulness.' " The desire accomplished is sweet to the soul. How true is this when the holy wishes of the children of God, for the spiritual good of those Avho are linked to them by affec- tion's strongest bonds, are gratified ! It pleased the Lord to answer the prayers and bless the efforts of the subject of this 190 HER sister's baptism. [1837. Memoir, in the conversion of the sister to whom several of the letters heretofore inserted were addressed ; one whose bright and beautiful course ended in the perfect day, while ' Susan was languishing in her chamber. With what vivid emotions of gratitude and delight the latter hailed her sister's entrance into the fold of the Heavenly Shepherd, the follow- ing notice in her Diary testifies. In God's salvation how greatly did she rejoice, when He had thus given her her heart's desire, and had not withholden the request of her lips ! " lOtJi. — The event of last evening will never be forgotten. My dear brother and sister made a public profession of their faith in Christ, promising in His name to renounce the world, the flesh and the devil ; and I feel assured that they will be more than conquerors, through Him who hath loved them and washed them from their sins in His own blood. They will go from strength to strength. At my sister's request, I again assumed the solemn responsibility of a witness. May I be kept by the power of God in the strait and narrow way, so that I may encourage those Avho have recently set out, to press toward the mark. I wish to be humbled, to be con- scious of my unfaithfulness, my helplessness, so that I may never think well of myself, nor trust to my own heart. I do not know how much I need the sanctifying grace of God. Oh Lord, 'be merciful to me a sinner!' Forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of Christ.' To her Sister. March, 1837. " My Precious Sister . — Ever beloved, but now doubly dear, may the Lord bless you and keep you ; may the Lord lift up the light of His countenance upon you, even as He has done ! I want a new song of adoring gratitude, that I may offer Him an acceptablo sacrifice of thanksgiving for His goodness toward you. 1 am glad that you realize and expect so much grace. The promise is, ' Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.' ' Only believe,' and all blessings shall be yours. I will, and do pray for you, and even my prayers arc heard, for our dear Redeemer's sake ; but I feel that I ought to 1837.] GOOD FRIDAY. 191 be humbled very deeply on account of my great unfaithfulness to- wards so kind and merciful a Father. " I felt, dear sister, while I was standing? near you at the time you received the holy, blessed ordinance of baptism, that I was not worthy to be your sponsor, and that I must commence anew my Christian course. Now, dear sister, you must pray for me. You must re- prove me whenever you see aught that is contrary to the will of God, for now that your eyes are opened, you will see that I am a very im- perfect Christian. I trust we shall be ' quickeners of each others' faith,' that we shall together 'grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.' In His strength I will en- deavor to discharge my duty towards you. I will pray for you with in- creased fervor and increased faith. We will both ' look unto Jesus' as our example, our atonement, our Mediator, our all in all; and looking unto Him, we shall become more and more conformed to His image. We will follow after holiness. God will guide us with His counsel, and afterwards receive us to glory. He will never leave nor forsake us. He 'will purely purge away our dross, and take away our sin.' " ^^March 25th. — Yesterday was Good Friday, and a good Friday it was to me. After the privileges I have enjoyed I should ' awake, stretch every nerve, and press with vigor on.' In the morning our beloved Pastor preached from Zech. iv. 11. He spoke much of the sufferings of our Redeemer, and I was more affected by the contemplation of them than almost ever before. The services altogether vrere peculiarly affecting, and I received a more than ordinary blessing. "Attended the communicants' meeting in the afternoon. It would have been a great trial to have been prevented from going. It was a most solemn season. I would not have ex- changed my feelings there for any excitement of earthly plea- sure. My whole soul was melted. Since then I have felt moi-e happy and prayerful. Nearly three days of this week I have passed in solitude, and have endeavored to humble myself before God. " April 3ti — Yesterday afternoon the event occurred to which I have been looking forward with so much interest. 192 ADDITIONS TO THE CHURCH. [1837. My dear W. and his little sister were solemnly and sincerely consecrated to God in the rite of baptism. It was an affect- ing and delightful scene. I have not often been m.ore over- come by my feelings. I felt entire faith that our Heavenly Father would accept the offering, and great thankfulness that He had inclined their parents to make it. I pray for grace to labor more earnestly for these dear children, and to pray more fervently. ^^ Sunday, April 9th. — A very interesting day in our church. About forty-five are receiving, this evening, the solemn rite of Confirmation. The Lord has raised up his power and come among us, and with great might succored us. We should magnify His holy name for the great mercy He has evinced towards our congregation. I do feel thank- ful and happy on account of this manifestation of His good- ness, but not as grateful as I desire. I very inadequately realize the value of the soul. May the Lord enlighten the eyes of my understanding more and more. Lately I have prayed with increased interest for the welfare of our church. I have in some degree entered upon the work in prayer, but I have not made sufficient efforts. " This morning Mr. C. preached from the text, ' If I had not spoken, ye had not had sin,' &c. Oh, that it may be blessed to the conversion of many souls ! It was very affect- ing to see so many persons come forward to confess Christ, and obey His Avill in the ordinance of baptism. Among the number were nine gentlemen. I do pray that they may be faithful soldiers of the Cross unto their lives' end. Very few men are willing to become disciples of the Saviour. It is a service too self-denying, and the cares of this world press upon them so heavily that they forget to seek fijst the King- dom of God, — so it is peculiarly delightful to see so many now coming out on the Lord's side. I hope, as our dear Pastor says, this is but an earnest of what is to come. "We had an encouraging and interesting sermon from the 1837.] THE BED OF LANGUISHING. 193 2d chap, of Ruth. It reminded me forcibly of one on the same subject from my Pastor "vvho is now in heaven. Oh, how good God has been to me ! How has he granted me the spiritual food I ever so much need ! Of me much will be required. Alas ! what shall I render to the Lord ? Coming home from church I felt the sweet influences of the Spirit." ''^ April IQth, Sunday. — Another Sabbath, with its privi- leges and responsibilities, has passed away. Its 'record is on high.' The blood of Jesus Christ must wash away all the sins I have committed. How thankful I am that there is a Fountain ever open. I have not been exposed to much ex- ternal temptation to-day, but have been much troubled with wandering thoughts, therefore I have not kept the Sabbath- day holy." " 23£?, Sunday evening. — Scarcely a day passes in which we do not rejoice together in our domestic happiness. Our hearts are very closely united, and I trust this union will be consummated in heaven." '■'■May 23(Z. — Yesterday I felt much more love for souls than usual, and desired to make many efforts for their good; and I have been furnished with many opportunities. May I ever remember that God only giveth the increase. I went to-day to see a young girl whom I visited twice before I went to the country, and who, I thought, would ere this have entered into the rest that remaineth for the people of God, but she still lingers in much suffering. Her mind is kept in perfect peace, being stayed upon her God. It is affecting to see a creature so young and beautiful as she, stretched upon a bed of languishing ; but how much more desirable is her situation than that of the votaries of pleasure ! Far rather would I see those I love extended upon her bed, in poverty and in pain, than in the possession of earth's richest trea- sures, yet unmindful of the world to come. Lord, grant that each member of my family may be an inheritor of Thy king- dom. Send us whatever else Thou seest good, but, oh ! give N 17 194 HAMILTONVILLE. [1837. US, for Thy Son, our Saviour's sake, the pardoning and sanc- tifying gifts of Thy grace. " To-day I have had some sorrowful thoughts. I feel in- consistency within me, and I see it around me ; I see that not only the professed disciples of Christ forget to pay the vows they have taken upon them, but that even those who minister in holy things are sometimes unmindful of their high responsibilities. Oh ! for that happy world where ' sin shall never more annoy.' Lord Jesus, prepare me for it, I pray Thee. Help me to watch and pray lest I enter into temptation, realizing my weakness, and depending upon Thy almighty power. " June Id. — On Monday visited a friend whom the Spirit has been leading into the way of truth, I humbly trust, for a long time past. We concluded that a visit from Mr. C. would be very desirable, and I went to see if he would call. With his usual kindness he said, 'Certainly,' and the next morning we went there. I could plainly recognize the hand of Provi- dence in this interview, for it seemed, at one time, as though it could scarcely be brought about. I would not exchange my dear Pastor for any other, and feel continually increased confidence in his consistency and ability. May the Lord grant him a double portion of His grace, and enable him to cling closely to the cross of Christ." ^' IlamiltonviUe, 23c?. — It is very pleasant to be in the country once again. I have been looking with desiring eyes upon the little tenements in this neighborhood, and praying that I may be made useful to some of their occupants. I obtained admittance to one yesterday afternoon. Oh! for the mind of Christ, that I may follow His example ! I must say a little about the past week or two. I was at church, twice, the last Sabbath our Pastor was with us. I felt better and concluded that I could make the exertion. Our text in the afternoon was, ' Simon, Simon, Satan hath desired to have thee,' &c. It was very solemn. 1837.] LETTER TO DR. CLARK. 195 " After church Mr. C. gave us another address in the lec- ture-room, and I thmk we can all bear testimony that he has faithfully discharged his duty towards us, and has been most affectionately desirous of our eternal welfare. " On Wednesday he left us. We received a parting visit from him, and were commended by him in prayer to the care of our Almighty Friend. I went up to the vestry-room be- fore he left, to give him some letters, and thus had another opportunity of receiving his blessing. I felt assured that the Lord will guide him continually. As some one was in the vestry-room, I went into the church, and as I sat near the chancel, waiting until he should be at leisure, I thought much of the dear old Bishop, whom I had so frequently seen sitting there ; of Mr. James, who but a short time since delivered to us an address from that spot, and more than all, of my dear, departed Pastor, who was, and is one of my best friends. May I also unite with them in ascribing honor and thanks- giving to God in His wpper temple." To the Rev. J. A. Clarh June, 1837. "'Lord! strengthen and comfort my dear Pastor,' has been the earnest and constant prayer that my heart has offered during the past week, and that He does and will sustain you, is a most cheering assu- rance. From many a family-altar will this petition ascend to heaven, and the little prayer-circle will meet together in love and in sorrow, to ask for you, and the charge you leave behind you, the choicest spi- ritual blessings ; and you will ever remember iis, though separated for a season : ' Still we are one, still near in heart.' ' That threefold cord of Christian lovo, Which from the heights of heaven descends, When parted here, is joined above, And holds to Christ and Christian friends. And when we part, the throne of grace Shall be our centre and retreat ; Though distant far, at that bright place, We still may hold communion sweet,' "Oh! how soul-sustaining are the hopes of the Gospel! To every sentence of your sermon this morning, I could respond, through many 196 A christian's death. [1837. tears, a hearty amen. Pray for me, I once more request, dear sir. I am weak in faith, very prone to turn aside from the narrow way. I have been very desirous to receive from you some especial words of counsel, but I have not yielded to selfish feelings, for you have already had too much to do and to say. Ask for me that I may be altogether consecrated to the service of God, entirely filled with the love of Christ. God forbid that I should cease for a single moment to press onward. I pray not that I may be taken out of the world, but that I may be kept from the evil. And now, farewell, my be- loved Pastor and friend. May the Lord bless and keep thee; may He lift up the light of His countenance upon thee evermore." "Went one day last week to see poor Sarah, whom I found suflfering most acutely, but still resting upon Jesus. As I sat by her bedside and witnessed the ravages of disease, and the suffering she endured, and as I saw her struggling for breath, I felt that it is a solemn thing to die, and was thank- ful that ' God has given us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.' I felt, too, that in such an hour, when heart and flesh are failing, a very sure evidence of acceptance through Christ can alone be suilicient to sustain the soul, — that none but Jesus can then afford efiicient aid. When I pass through the valley, may I realize that His grace is all- sufficient. It Avas so with her. She told me she wished I was going with her. On Sunday, I called after church, but she was sleeping. I could not go again until Wednesday, and then I found her mother clad in mourning, and learned that her child had entered into rest — perfect rest. The last words she uttered were, ' Precious Jesus, do take me !' I bless my Heavenly Father for all His saints who have de- parted this life in His faith and fear, and pray for grace so to follow their good examples that, with them, I may be a partaker of His heavenly kingdom. Surely He will never leave me nor forsake me, though my heart is so cold and sinful, that when I think of the purity of heaven I feel that I am very unworthy to go there. But I must be altogether clothed in the robe of Christ's righteousness. 1837.] INTERESTING INCIDENT. 197 " On Monday I yielded to a sinful emotion of j^ride and anger. One such sin would forever exclude me from heaven, ■were it not for the blood of Christ. 0, that I may be very humble, — feeling that I am less than the least of all saints. I do not yet feel this as I should. " This morning I very much enjoyed family prayer. Yes terday morning paid Sister S. a delightful visit. Her sofa ■was covered with books she had purchased for E.'s Sunday School, and her whole heart seems fulL of love and zeal. She told us many delightful instances of the mercy of God, and of the blessing He grants to the faithful labors of His servants. She told me of a lady who was requested by a young friend, who was lingering in consumption, to remain with him during his sickness. His request was so urgent that she was induced to remain. While she was with him, he became so very ill that his friends feared that he could not survive, but, owing to a blessing on some restorative she administered, he revived ; and when he afterwards alluded to his extreme exhaustion, she told him he had indeed been very ill, and that as she stood by his bedside, she had re- solved that, if his life were prolonged, she would deal faith- fully with him in reference to his eternal interests. " The result of this determination was his acceptance of the offers of salvation, and a peaceful death. His brother and friend, too, Avere induced to turn from the world to the service of the living God, through her instrumentality, at this time, and she told sister S. that she had enjoyed the happi- ness of kneeling at the communion the Sunday before, with the brother on one side and his friend on the other. '■^July 7th. — Christians ought more earnestly to bear upon their hearts, at the throne of grace, the messengers of salva- tion. My heart was deeply affected during the services of the communion. This is a high and holy privilege. It is a proof of the love and wisdom of our blessed Eedecmcr, that He has commanded us to do this in remembrance of Him. 17* 198 VISIT TO THE COUNTRY. [1837. Not for tlie richest of earthly blessings would I forfeit the benefit and enjoyment I have derived from that ordinance. There is no time when I feel so deeply that I am uniting in worship with the heavenly host, as when lauding and magni- fying God's holy name in the words of the service ; and when, after receiving the consecrated elements, we all unite in the Gloria in Excelsis, I dread to return to the dangerous atmo- sphere of the world, and would linger in the temple of the Lord. " On Sunday evening, was almost out of patience with some very foolish and sinful remarks which were made upon the subject of religion ; and in feeling so, forgot the example of our Saviour, ' who endured patiently the contradiction of sinners against himself.' Was glad, on Monday, when I came out to Hamiltonville, to find an opportunity of adminis- tering some little comfort, by visiting a poor girl who has been for a long time in much suffering. She seems deeply interested in the subject of religion. " Have been rising very early of late, and find the benefit of doing so — spiritually, at least ; though I fear sometimes that I shall injure myself by it, and do, on that account, re- main longer in bed. Upon the whole, it is better to be up, for my spiritual strength is so renewed that I am better able to bear physical sufiering, which I have daily and hourly, whether I rise early or not. "Tewom, July 11th. — Once more I am enjoying the quiet, the delightful shade, and the pure air of Temora, — the scene of some very happy hours. Sister M. and I had a pleasant journey, and I was favored with a prayerful spirit. Earnestly prayed that my heart might be prepared for usefulness, and that the Lord would guide me continually. I find new sub- jects of interest here, — two little children, and a boy of 16, who seems to receive instruction willingly and understand- ingly. Oh, that he may be induced to seek earnestly the salvation of his soul ! My interest in these immortal beings 1837.] LETTER TO AN AUNT. 199 is sufficient to make me devote much time and many thoughts and prayers to their spiritual good, but I do not feel that ardent love and faith which 1 know it is in the power of the Gospel to bestow. Lord, increase my faith, increase my zeal, and prepare their hearts to receive the truth as it is in Jesus, and give me grace to give unto Thee all the glory. " On Friday afternoon, sister and I walked down to the Neshamony, and standing on the spot where I used to read, think, and pray, I returned thanks in my heart to my Father for his continued loving-kindness, and implored grace to help in future time." To her Aunt. "Temora, July, 1837. "Dear Aunty: — I would hke thee to know with how much affec- tion I think of thee, and how gratefully I remember thy past kind- nesH. Thy watchful care has alleviated my sufferings very often. It might be supposed that the recollection of these sufferings* would be unpleasant, and that a repetition of them would be dreadful in- deed, but so far from this, I review the three or four past years of my life, though not a single day has been unmarked by suffering, with more pleasure than those which preceded them, for I have enjoyed more of the peace which passeth understanding, and been enabled to realize that in ' very faithfulness' my Heavenly Father has afflicted me. We would not have supposed, three years since, dear Aunty, that my life would have been thus far prolonged, but I do not doubt that I am continued here that I may become more truly conformed to our Saviour's image, and that I may so let my light shine, that men, seeing my good works, may glorify my Father in Heaven, and be induced to consecrate themselves to His service. But, oh ! how little progress I make in a heavenly course, and how little do I imitate the example of Him who was ' holy, harmless, and undefiled,' always going about to do good ! I wish to be, like Him, meek and lowly in heart. I need humility more than any thing else. But we have a throne of grace to which we can 'come boldly,' and obtain a supply for every spiritual want, and just in proportion as we wait upon the Lord in humble and fervent prayer, will He enrich us with spiritual blessings for our Redeemer's sake. * * * "I trust, dear Aunt, that we shall be permitted to * Alluding to the severe remedies resorted to. 200 WICKEDNESS OF THE WORLD. [1837. enter that blissful abode; and that, whilst wo sojourn here, we shall realize that we are but stran,!= * * >;< * a jJq^ strong and how enduring, dear E., is the attraction of Christian sympathy. In an unusual degree has mine for thee been solicited. Could we visit together the pleasant retreats of which I have spoken to thee, and view nature in her summer as- pect, listen to the music of birds, breathe balmy air, and realize the presence of the God of love, surely our hearts would be enlarged to praise Him, and in so secluded and consecrated a temple we would toycther implore the spiritual blessings we need. We inaj/ enjoy this pleasure, but I am reminded by the pressure of disease that it is to the 'better country' that my aspirations after happiness are to be directed, and this is to me a delightful anticipation. * To depart and be with Christ is far better;' for the sad influence of sin within and around us greatly interferes with that holy communion for which our souls so long : never shall we be entirely satisfied until ' this mortal shall have put on immortality.' But even in this sinful world, and amid the bustling scenes of a city, can the child of God enjoy many sweet' foretastes of the felicity which is to be his forever in his Father's house. Let us then draw largely upon these resources j 220 LETTER TO MISS E. W.' [1838. let us strive to make great attainments in spiritual blessings; let us 'hunger and thirst after righteousness.' The promise offered us is, ' Open thy mouth wide, and I ■will fill it.' '< Dear E., several years have passed away since I have accepted the offers of salvation, and experienced the consolations of the Gos- pel. My testimony is, that 'not one good thing has failed me of all that the Lord hath spoken.' Often, in the time of need, have I presented the plea of the Psalmist, ' Thou hast been my help, leave me not, neither forsake me, oh Lord God of my salvation,' and always has my prayer been answered. It is most strange that, since such has been my experience of the loving-kindness of the Lord, a song of gratitude has not been ever the effusion of my heart, and that my life has not been in strict conformity with His will ; — that I have uot made a suitable return for so much mercy. I have been too ungrateful, too negligent, too much conformed to this world; therefore as a poor sinner I must plead the merits of my Saviour's blood, and ask for grace to help in time to come ; realizing, and wish- ing to realize still more deeply, that * in me, that is in my flesh, there dwelleth no good thing;' all the glory of our salvation must be given to God." "il/r/?/ 20//;, Sunday night. — Blessings on blessings mul- tiplied have been granted me to-day. .Nearness to God in prayer, especially in the services of the sanctuary, — a bless- ing upon the truths of His holy Word, — and the love of Christ in striving to "win others to His service. I took M.'s place in the Sunday School, and felt great interest in talking to the girls. Paid a visit to two persons who are serious, and had a very solemn time with them. I shall not soon forget this day. '■^June ?>d. — My thoughts wandered too much during the afternoon service. If there were no other happiness in heaven than freedom from wandering thoughts, it w^ould be enough to make us long to go there. There we shall serve God without weariness. No physical debility will there be felt, and no desire that is not holiness unto the Lord. Surely it will be far better. ''June 10/7k — This is the blessed Sabbath. The Lord has always blessed me, and I hope He will be with me all the 1838.] LETTER TO DR. CLARK. 221 day lonot procured and made over 24 278 FIRST LETTER TO R. SMITH. [1841. to us through this blessed gift of a Saviour's righteousness. If I am covered with this, I feel its refreshinp; influences. It is, indeed, * as the shadow of a great rock in a weary land.' " If you will permit the sudden transition, I cannot here refrain from saying how sorry I am I did not send you Romaine before I left home. I had fully intended to do this. You know I at last went away rather hurriedly. I hope you will find the present a profitable summer to you all. I was going to express the hope, also, that your health might be greatly improved ; but I do not know whether you desire to be placed in such an attitude of looking back to life. How prone we are to locate all our plans for future happi- ness in this life I But it is, undoubtedly, our higher wisdom to look a little further forward, and expect to realize a very happy meeting in Heaven. Though we shall there he JiUed with the love of Jesus, still we shall not cease to love our friends. If ever I am so happy as to reach Heaven, I shall expect to meet you there, and have my happiness increased by the long and delightful interviews that we shall enjoy in that land, whore the inhabitants no more say, 'I am sick,' and where we ' shall be as the angels of God.' First letter to her Cousin, the Rev. Robert Smith, ivho died, a Missionary in Africa, in 1855. "July 18, 1841. "I shall not have to introduce myself as a new acquaintance, dear Robert, as my letters to your brother were always intended for you also; but I feel inclined to commence a correspondence with you, since, I suppose, you are too diffident to write the first letter to a relative you have never seen. " From my childhood I have been accustomed to think of you and your dear brother with peculiar interest; and since my beloved mother's removal to a better world, this interest has assumed a deeper character, for I remember the sympathy she felt for her orphan nephews and love you better for her sake. And I have also learned from sad experience that it is, indeed, a trial to be deprived of a rnother's love, a mother's counsel and society; and earnest is my desire that we may ever be enabled to trust and obey the orphan's Friend — ' the Father of the fatherless.' I feel, my dear cousin, that He is, indeed, ony Father, and I can come to Him with filial confidence to make known my wants, to obtain the gui- dance I need and the pardon of all my sins. These blessings He freely grants me for Jesus' sake, and they are freely offered to all 1841.] AFFECTIONATE FIDELITY. 279 all who repent and believe. Are they already yours, my dear cousin? Have you been adopted into the family of God ? If so, send me the delightful news, for my heart would be filled with joy, and I should know that you possessed a blessed refuge from the trials and tempta- tions of this sinful and sorrowful world. * Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to Thy word.' Psalm 119 : 9. Is the blessed Bible the rule of your conduct? Do you study it with daily prayer that you may under- stand its doctrines, obey its precepts, and be enabled by faith to appropriate its promises? Are you living for God, or for yourself? for a world of glory, or of eternal woe ? These are solemn questions, and yet not too plain ; for to one of the two great classes- which divide mankind you must belong. If you do not feel that yours is the safety of a child of God, will you not pray that you may be ' born again ?' '' I hope you will read this letter with prayer, for it is prompted by the most affectionate interest in your welfare, and written by one who will probably meet you, for the first time, at the judgment-seat of Christ. " And not for your own sake only do I desire your spiritual safety, but for the extension of our Redeemer's kingdom. If you knew what a blessed thing it is to know a Saviour's love, you would long to win others to His service, and would consider it a privilege to sound the gospel trump even to the uttermost end of the earth, if such were the will of the Lord concerning you. Oh, that He may take you into His hand, and make you just what He would have you to be ! The remaining page of my letter I will devote to , as I wish to account for my silence. Will you not write to me very soon? You must not think of me as a gloomy cousin who is fond of lecturing, but as a very affectionate friend who feels for you the interest of a sister, and who earnestly desires that your name may be written in ' the Lamb's book of life.' " To the Rev. J. A. Clark. "July 21, 1841. * * * u 's^Q were all glad to hear from you, and to learn that your health is improving. If it should be re-established, I shall feel that very earnest prayer has been answered, and a very great blessing conferred upon our beloved St. Andrew's and your friends. * * * How hallowed are the associations connected with that spot, and though the privileges of the Sanctuary are cheerfully relin- 280 USES OF ADVERSITY. [1841. quished at the bidding of tlie Lord, I remember, with increasing delight, ' her sweet communion, solemn vows and hymns of love and praise ;' and more than ever am I thankful that my Heavenly Father so kindly directed my steps to the Episcopal Church ; for my judgment approves and my heart loves her institutions. I find in our Liturgy new beauties, and rejoice that it so constantly exhibits the simple truths of religion, and above all, the blessed doctrine that Jesus is our 'all in all.' Will you not pray that I may have new views of the Saviour ? I would search out the treasures of wisdom and knowledge which are hid in Him, and advance more rapidly in divine things. Though I desire to feel truly thankful for the spiri- tual light which has been given me, I would that my whole soul were irradiated by the Sun of Righteousness. My friend Lucie re- marks in one of her letters, 'Nothing but Jesus, as fully owned and enjoyed as He can be, can satisfy my soul.' He has been to me a kind and merciful Saviour, and I feel that His merits alone are a sufficient atonement for my many, many sins, and that His Spirit only can sanctify a heart so prone to evil. Therefore I would give to Him my best affections, and earnestly seek to attain entire con- formity to His image. * * * " jMy very pale face tells me that I should be ready at any time for a summons into the eternal world, though I do not know that I shall not much longer need the discipline with which my Heavenly Father is kindly training me for Heaven." From the Rev. Dr. Clarh to Miss Susan AUihone. "Fairfield, Aug. 2, 1841. " My dear Friend : — Your very acceptable favor of the 21st ult. came duly to hand. It was very kind in you, in your feeble state of health, to have written me so long a letter; and I very highly appreciate the effort it must have cost you. The thought struck me in reading it, as it has often done in visiting you, that this long season of sickness through which you have been passing, has, through the sanctifying influences of the Divine Spirit, been the means of bringing to you far higher and more numerous foretastes of heavenly joy than you possibly could have had in the possession of health. No other path could have brought ynu into so many positions in which the promises of God, and His faithfulness, could have been so fully tested — could have so effectually taken you off from all human dependencies, and led you to such simple reliance on the Word and promises of your Redeemer. I suppose that you already 1841.] THE GROUND OF HOPE. 281 realize this so far now, that you can say, even with special reference to all your days of pain and nights of restlessness, ^ mercy and good- ness have foUuiced me all (he days of my life.' My prayer for you is that the work of grace may be carried on still more and more, till you wear the perfect image of your Great High Priest, who ever liveth to intercede for you. " I sometimes fear that the Lord means to lay me aside altogether as a broken and useless vessel. Although my general health is, in many respects, unusually good, my hoarseness still continues in a very unaccountable manner. Poor Bishop Griswold has preached this seven years with continual hoarseness ; but I fear the people would hardly endure my croaking voice. I must wait and see what the will of the Lord is. I hope I may glorify Him in the fires, and be willing that His will should be fulfilled in me, whether it be in labors more abundant for the advancement of His kingdom, or in silence, and sickness and death. I have cast all on His arm and know He cannot err. " I have received a letter from Miss ■ , which I almost imme- diately answered. I had scarcely space upon a single sheet in say- ing to her what I desired. I fear my letter was scarcely intelligible. I am satisfied that her difficulty is that of a legal spirit. She does not look enough to Christ and His finished work; but is inclined to search for some ground of acceptance in her renewed nature. The work which the Spirit performs in us is only the commencement of sanctification, and can never form the ground upon which we can rest any hopes that God will, on this account, be especially pleased with us. We are complete in Christ. God is pleased with us only in Him. We never can be accepted in any other way than '■ in the Beloved.' Our friend wants to find that she is more holy and less sinful than she was, and then she would be happy. Alas, the deeper we look into our depraved hearts, the more plainly shall we see the plague-spots of sin ; and we must go to Christ, and feel that our only hope is in Him. I asked her to write me again. She seems to have a most lovely spirit, and to be one of Christ's own lambs. I have no doubt He will lead her very soon into the green pastures of enjoyment. The fiirther she advances, the more she will learn of the preciousness of Christ, and of the necessity of depending wholly upon Him." 24^ 282 EARLY DEATH. [1841. To Mks B. "Hamilton, Sept. 17, 1841. " Lucie, dear, I have been wi.sliinp; to write to you very much, but have unwillingly thus lone deferred a reply to your last letter; and now, though sister is reading aloud, I will not postpone my letter another day. One reason that I do not very often write now is that I ride almost every day around the village in a wagon, which is drawn by a boy, and is made with springs. I make calls at the doors or gates of our friends' houses, and often stop at the cottage doors, and talk with some nice old woman or little child. How much I should love to have you for an escort! One of the girls generally goes with me, and sometimes a young lady of the village with whom we have become very intimate — the daughter of the Pastor of the Presbyterian church. She lost her only sister a few months since, and deeply feels her loss, though she is sweetly sustained by the hopes of the Gospel. Her name was Susan ; and this circumstance excites the interest of the family in me. We receive from them almost daily proofs of kind feeling — visits, flowers, fruit, books, &c. Oh, that my end may be like the departure of their loved one ! Her father, who is one of my great comforts, tells me that when she was dying she looked upon her mother and sister, who were standing around her bed, and then fixed her eye upon his with a most seraphic expression, while a sweet smile played around her lips, and a gentle sigh released her spirit from the fetters of mortality. She was in her nineteenth year, was interesting, and all around her was bright; but she felt that it was better to go to Jesus than remain in this sinful world. If her treasure had been here, how unwelcome would have been the summons she received with joy; and yet, when she gave her heart to the Saviour, she ^id not know that it would come in the very morning of her days. " We heard a few days since of the death of a beautiful and lovely cousin of ours, who was but fifteen. Oh, that parents would educate their children for eternity ! Oh, that we all, dear Lucie, would strive to ' so live that we may not fear to die.' I pray for you, dear Lucie, every day, and heavy would be my heart were I to ever learn that you cared less for eternal things. I grieve that so many clouds should overcast the sky of your spiritual enjoyment, hut know that if your eye be constantly uplifted, you will surely at last behold the rising of the Sun of Righteousness. Were you to direct your gaze else- where, dear Lucie, what would you find but vexation and remorse? Oh ! look not upon the perishing things of earth, for you have expe- 1841.] CALL TO DEVOTEDNESS. 283 rionced their inability to bless. You are young and enthusiastic, and temptation is on every side. How needful, then, that you should keep close to the Saviour's side ! And yet you need not fear, if you will only look to Jesus. The same blessed Spirit who has led you thus far, will never grow weary nor refuse to aid. Read that sweet hymn, ' Be still my heart/ when you feel tempted to despondency. In the book sister has been reading there is a remark that pleased me much — that 'young converts imagine that there is a great work for them to do, instead of realizing that a great work has been done for them.' In one sense, we have, indeed, a great work to do, but the ground of our hope is the finished righteousness of Christ. 'A guilty, weak, and helpless worm, On Thy kind arm I fall ; Be Tiiou my strength and righteousness, My Saviour and my all.' "ll^/t. — This afternoon I resume my letter, which I have scrib- bled so much that I should feel quite ashamed, if writing were not so great an exertion that I feel thankful if I can complete an epistle in any style. You say that I do not tell you about my health, and the reason has been that I have had so much to say of other things. Since we met, my feelings have varied much at different times, but now I think my health decidedly improved. I have less pain and sleep better, but do not walk any more, nor at all anticipate recovery. Nor do I desire it any more than when I was apparently on the con- fines of eternity. Pray that I may glorify our Father, whatever may be the dispensations of His Providence. We talk of remaining in the country, and hope we shall be enabled to be useful. There is no time for indolence and selfishness, while surrounded by immortal beings who are on their way to everlaHting ruin. " I hope, dear Lucie, you will be just such a Christian as Miss , who has been the means of the erection of a church, and of much good in many ways. When you feel tempted to indulge un- sanctified feelings and pursuits, ask yourself whether you are willing to exchange for them the holy privilege of winning souls to Christ ? This is a happiness only to be enjoyed by the self denying, devoted disciple. I trust I need not remind you of the necessity for daily self-examination, and regular seasons of prayer. One blessing I wish to seek with greater diligence is, an increased degree of spiritual light upon the pages of the Word of God. In proportion to our earnestness will be our success. Oh, my beloved Lucie, I long for 284 LETTERS. [1841. your growth in grace, and earnestly pray for you every day. Again I must say to you, ' Look to Jesus, trust His merits, and remember that He makes intercession for you at the right hand of God.' " To the. same. "Hamilton, Oct. 19, 1841. * * * ic\ have earnestly pra3'ed that the bereavements you have sustained may be deeply sanctified to you and yours, dear Lucie. It is most important that in the time of adversity we should inquire wherefore the Lord has afflicted us, and strive to learn every lesson His wisdom and His love would teach us. How much I love that promise, 'I will turn my hand upon thee, and will purely purge away thy dross, and take away all thy tin.' It were better to endure the refiner's fire than be cast away forever; and the child of sorrow, if he be the child of God, is well content that the Lord has chosen him in the furnace of affliction. And He who only wounds in love kindly mingles with 'the bitter draught such heavenly consolation, that the bitterness of the cup is scarcely realized. And yet how much of agony may be endured while the heart is sweetly stayed on God — so that though sufferings abound, consolations yet more abound. " I have never told you, dear Lucie, how deeply ray heart was wounded by my mother's loss, nor how mercifully ' the balm of Gilead' bound it up, and healed its sorrows. I do not often speak upon this subject, and when I write to you, my thoughts are chiefly engrossed with your spiritual interests. But this I will say, if reli- gion secured to us no eternal benefits, but were only of A'alue in the hour of sorrow, it would be well to seek it with all our hearts. No words can express its value then. Oh, how sweetly docs the God of all comfort whisper words of peace ! How gently does He deal with the wounded spirit ! Lucie, I adore, I magnify His holy name, for all that He now does for me, for He never forgets to pity and to bless. And yet I have never yielded the return I ought for so much mercy. My heart has never been as grateful as it ought to be for the free grace which drew me ' out of the horrible pit and the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock.' I have not been thankful enough for the preventing grace which God has given me. No one is more unworthy of His goodness, and it is not upon any thing that I do, or ever can do, that I depend for comfort and hope. " I do not, dear Lucie, know how to understand some expressions in your last letter, and wish I could talk with you about them. I 1841.] LETTERS. 285 trust these feelings are the result of a desponding mood, rather thaa of a correct knowledge of the state of your affections. I sincerely hope that you have iwt really lost your first love, but if I supposed this the case, I should feel that duty would require me to address to you words of solemn warning. I should ask you if you had found any thing of greater value than the blessing of God, if His service had become wearisome, and if you were willing, almost as soon as you had enlisted under the banner of the Cross, to increase the tri- umphs of its enemies by deserting its standard, and becoming one of them ? No, my poor child, I do not believe that you have for- saken the 'fountain of living waters,' but you have forgotten that you mnj freely drink, and are thirsting on the very borders of the stream. You are not willing to take God at His word, and trust the promises of a loving Saviour, and this is your folly and your sin, — not that you do not desire spiritual blessings. Oh, that the Lord may enable you, and your afflicted cousin, to see that His ' promises are yea and amen in Christ Jesus,' to give Him the confidence you would not fear to repose in an earthly friend. Then, dear Lucie, would your doubts be changed to songs of praise, and every Christian grace would grow abundantly; for if you had more joy in the Lord, you would not be so easily drawn away by things of sense. Pray for strength to renounce all that grieves the Spirit of our God, that there may be room in your heart for the abundant outpourings of grace. Look to Jesus, and He will bless you now and forever. " You must not suppose that my health is wonderfully improved, though I am so much better. I do not walk any more than before. I only wish to live for eternity, and am not anxious to go into the world." * * * CHAPTER XIII. 1842. Letters to Miss B. — To a Young Person — To Rev. J. Howard Smith — Bishop Moore's Visit — Return to the Sanotnary — Romaine — Con- firmation— Visits to the A'^estry-Room — Plan for a Church in Bucks County — Letters on the subject — Urgent Letter to her Cousin R. S. To 3Iiss B. "January 2(1, 1842. ''How glad I should be, dear Lucie, could I have a long talk with you this afternoon, but as this cannot be, I have had my writing materials brought me, and with an earnest prayer that I may be taught what to say to you, commence the letter which for weeks past I have been wishing to send you. Since I last wrote to you, I have made a visit of six weeks to the city, and was much refreshed with the intercourse which I was permitted to enjoy with my Chris- tian friends, and by the reception of the Communion, which our Pastor twice administered to me while there. I returned four weeks since to Hamiltonville, for I preferred the retirement of our country home, and trust that I shall be enabled, by increased dependence on the Saviour, and increased diligence in the means of grace which are still granted me, to escape the spiritual danger to which I am exposed by the privation of many I once enjoyed. " Oh, that we may have grace given us, dear Lucie, to consecrate ourselves more unreservedly to the service of our Father in Heaven, DOW that the commencement of a New Year reminds us that a new page of the Book of Life has been turned over, and that it should be our aim that fairer characters than those previously transcribed should fill the record. Alas ! alas ! past experience teaches us that our good resolves are of little worth, unless formed with steadfast reliance upon ' Him from whom all good counsels, holy desires, and just works do proceed.' Our past discouragements should lead us to seek His aid with more ardent importunity, rather than induce us to yield to the temptation of our wily fie, who would tempt us to Bin, and then to despair of pardon and ultimate success. Oh ! Lucie, (286) 1842.] LETTERS. 28T dear, why do you any longer listen to his suggestions ? Have you not heeded them too long ? Have they not deprived you of the spiritual light which ^had long since brightened your path, had you regarded the injunction of the Almighty — ' This is my beloved Son, hear Him'? You have listened to the 'still, small voice' which has convinced you of sin, and thankful I am that you have not preferred the loud cry of earthly pleasure. You have felt that you are ' heavy laden/ but have been unwilling to trust your Saviour's promise that He 'will give you rest;' and thus while you have been dreading presumption, you have fearfully incurred its charge by refusing to take God at His word. When, my poor child, will you cease to look to your own heart for that you have so long sought in vain — for that you will never find there ? When will you tell me — ' I have trusted in the Lord, and am helped'? Just when you read this part of my letter, will you not repair to the mercy-seat and there once again give your heart to God ? Tell Him that you have tried to make it an acceptable offering but you cannot, and now you bring it to Him and put it into His hand to mould according to his gracious will. Tell Him you come in the name of Jesus and that you know He will not cast you out, and you will not let Him go except He bless you. Tell Him you want not only pardon but peace, an assu- rance of acceptance with Him, and that you pray for the very best blessings He is willing to give you. ' My soul, ask what thou wilt, Thou canst not be too bold ; Since Ilis own blood for thee He 's spilt, AVhat else can He withhold V " You think if I could see your heart I would no longer feel encouraged to pray for you, but I should not fear such a result, for my hope for your salvation depends upon what has been done for you, not upon your attainments in holiness. And yet, if I could take this survey, I doubt not that, in the midst of much corruption, I should find a sincere desire to serve God, to renounce all that grieves His Spirit. For notwithstanding the sad accounts you give me, I have never doubted that a work of grace is commenced in your heart, and that you might, if you would, rejoice in the promises, and receive the witness of the Spirit bearing witness with your spirit that you are the child of God. Resolve in the strength of the Lord to pursue a new course, to return grateful thanks for the grace you have received, that you are still spared to seek the mercy of God and can read His holy Word ; and let the air you breathe, the food 288 LETTERS. [1842. you eat, encourage you to Relieve that the same merciful Being who sustains your natural existence, ■will not keep from you the bread of life, the waters of salvation. *' I am sorry that it is becoming too dark to write to you, though I love to welcome the sweet season of twilight — * to spend the hours of setting day in humble, grateful prayer.' " * * * To Dr. Clark's Son, when a child. " March, 1842. " I will tell you, dear J., the reason I write you this note. I dreamed a few nights since that you came to see me, and that I felt great love for your soul. I cannot remember all our conversation, but I thought I persuaded you very much to give your heart to the Saviour, and told you how dreadful it would be should our Heavenly Father take away from you the strivings of His Holy Spirit. Now if I could see you, I would like to talk with you upon these subjects, for it is not only in my dreams I think of you, my dear boy. I love you very much, and always feel desirous that those I love should give their hearts to our Heavenly Father; for it is religion alone that can make us safe or happy. "And you cannot wonder that I should earnestly wish that the only son of my beloved Pastor should be a comfort and blessing to his parents. Our Heavenly Father has seen it best to take almost all their children to dwell with Him, but has very kindly spared them 07ie. little hoi/, who is now old enough to be a companion for them and a very great consolation. I know they love the baby very much, but she is too young to understand these things and to pray for a new heart. You, dear J., a*e quite old enough to be a Chris- tian, and you cannot make your parents happy until you become one ; for they would suffer more if you were to grow up an enemy of God, or if you were taken away unprepared, than they have done from the loss of all their other children. "And then, you know too, that your Father in Heaven is looking upon you with loving-kindness, and has given His only Son to die for your sins, and that He is willing to receive you at once. He says, in the Bible, < My son, give Me thine heart;' and I hope you will say to Him, ' My Father, thou art the Guide of my youth !' I do not write to you because I think I can tell you about these things as well as your father and mother, but I wished to tell my dream, and was afraid I should not see you again as you are going away so soon. 1842.] LETTERS. 289 " I shall miss your dear father very much, for he often comes to see me and talk about our Saviour's love, and I love him as one of my best friends. If your life should be spared, I hope you will fol- low his example and take delight in comforting the afflicted, and in telling sinners how they may be saved. If we should not meet each other on earth, dear J., I trust we shall dwell together in a world of glory. How glad I should be to welcome you, if I were to go there first !" To the Rev. J. H. S. " Hamiltonville, March 25, 1842. " I trust, dear Howard, that the quiet of this rainy afternoon will enable me to assure you that you are still affectionately remembered by us, and that we were glad to learn that you had safely arrived at L. That you are not as pleasantly situated as you hoped, I sincerely regret, but trust you will lose the stranger feeling, which must at first cause every new residence to seem gloomy in some degree, and it is my earnest hope that the Lord will so lift up the light of His countenance upon you, that every object will be illumined by the sunshine of His presence. " I have daily asked for you this blessing, and still expect that it will be yours, though I lament that you have not ceased to be sur- prised that no good is to be found in your own heart, and that you do not look from yourself to Jesus, who says to you so kindly, ' Be not afraid, only believe ; come to me, and I will give you rest.' I believe a period of your religious history is approaching, in which you will review your present feelings as the result of an imperfect apprehension of the plan of salvation, and will wonder that since so ample a provision has been made for your spiritual wants, you should ever have been perplexed with doubt. ''I pursued so long this thorny path, my dear cousin, that I am very anxious to show you a more excellent way. It \sfor contrition, and love and faith that you must come to Jesus, not with them. Let your constant prayer be, ' Lord, increase my faith.' " One encouraging thought has come into my mind since I com- menced this letter, dear H. You know that my desire, when I for- merly wrote to you, was to convince you of the supreme importance of religion and to urge you to seek its blessings. I know that your understanding has never needed conviction upon this subject, and that your heart has often deeply felt, but surely the Spirit has taught you many lessons since our former correspondence, and will, T 9.^^ 290 LETTERS. [1842. I doubt not, 'take of the things of Christ, and show them unto you.' " Two remarks you have made prove that your heart is, at least in some degree, under right influences. You have no desire to return to worldly pursuits, since you have learned their insufficiency, and you continue, at stated seasons, to ask your Heavenly Father's bless- ing. It is our great Adversary who keeps the soul in spiritual dark- ness, and I doubt not that it is his constant aim to tempt the soul to turn, in weariness and despair, to some created good ; and then, if he can tempt to negligence of the means of grace, Alas ! alas ! for the victim of his wiles. Oh, my cousin, let your cry be, 'I will not let Thee go, except Thou bless me !' Ask, seek and knock, remem- bering that 'the kingdom of Heaven suffereth violence, and the vio- lent take it by force.' "I was pleased with a remark in the Diary of a very eminent Christian, which I am now reading with much interest. ' Like David, I would encourage myself in the Lord my God : I would praise a Triune God for the goodness and mercy which have followed me hitherto, notwithstanding all my wanderings, sins and provoca- tions, assured that while I forsake Him not iii a -way of duty, He will not leave nor forsake me in a way of mercy. No ! the Lamb of God hath made reconciliation for iniquity, and in Him the promises of God are secure.' "Now, in reference to a profession of religion, I think if you have really given your heart to God, you ought to confess him before men, depending not iipon your feelings but resolved to go forward in the path of duty. If you do not feel sure that the offering has been made, why not say at once, ' Here, Lord, I give myself away, 'tis all that I can do.' * * * <' Thirty-five were confirmed at our church last Sunday week. "We are having a series of services at the little Episcopal church in this village during Passion week, and much I pray that they may be blessed. On Sunday afternoon I received the Commu- nion, and felt that I could rely entirely on Jesus. 'Other refuge have I none.' "I am quite grieved that you have suffered so much anxiety about E. I hope, like Andrew, you will bring this dear brother to Jesus. I am glad you are pleased with Dr. and Mrs. J., and hope you will derive much comfort from their society and your class in Sunday School. I shall not forget, dear Howard, to pray that the love of Christ may so constrain you that you shall make constant efibrt for 1842.] BISHOP MOORE. 291 the welfare of your fellow-beings, and that peace may dwell in your own soul. When you are in heaviness, think upon God. I think upon you with much affection, and feel for you a sister's sympathy and interest." ''April, 1842. — Mucli lias been forgiven me, may I love much. So many things I should have been glad to record. Dear Bishop Moore's visit among the rest. He prayed that when my pillow refused me the repose I sought, I might rest upon the bosom of Jesus. More than two years have passed since then. Now the petitioner is in heaven, where I can realize that he feels at home indeed. " Christians have been very kind to me since I have been sick and a great comfort. During the early part of the winter I saw very few, with the exception of my own family. Last Sunday, I went in my wagon to the colored school at the Episcopal church, and taught a few boys. This was the first time I had entered the sanctuary during the last two years and four or five months. I should have loved to be there alone. Most cheerfully I relinquish the privileges of the sanctuary, since it is my Father's will, and since He blesses me so much in the position in which He has placed me. I surely ought to feel that I have abundant cause for thankfulness, and that I should always trust the promises, the faithfulness of God." To Miss B. "May 2a, 1842.- *' I have been awaiting the leadings of Providence in reference to you, my darling Lucie, and now that the way is opened for the renewal of our intercourse, I unhesitatingly accede to your proposi- tion. I have prayed for you and thought of you with even increased affection, and have never for one moment suspected you of alienated feeling. Earnest is my desire that you may keep close to the Cross of Jesus, and now that you are placed in a new position, and are sur- rounded by circumstances which will greatly influence your spiritual character, I trust you will implicitly follow the guidance of the 'Shepherd and Bishop of souls/ and that the Word of God will 292 WUITSUNDAY. [1842. ever be a ' lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path.' Then, dear Lucie, will you be happy, holy, a blessing to all. " I wish you could have been with us on Saturday, when our dear Pastor administered to us the blessed Communion. It was a refresh- ing season. Have you read ' The Table of the Lord/ by Miss Fry? If not, I would like you to get it. * * * " I send you a letter which was written before I was aware of past circumstances, and which I thought I would not then destroy. I wrote it with much prayer, and suppose I said just what I should say again, that Jesus is an all-sufficient Friend. If my letters have ever been useful to you, it is because they speak of Him. And so it is with myself, dear Lucie ; I am a poor sinner, and I can speak feelingly of the love of Christ because He is my Saviour. I have no goodness of my own, nor power to do good. "I would not write so carelessly if 1 were not very weak. My health is more delicate this spring, and I am very pale. I always feel that I am in the Lord's hand. Pray that I may love and serve Him better." * * * '■'-May Wtli. — Romaine is a delightful writer, and his ' Triumph of Faith' is truly ' a glorious book.' I think his and Lcighton's works have been a great blessing to me. ^^Whitsimda?/, 1842. — How wonderfully has our Father answered the prayers we have oifered for this little church. I do thank thee, 0 Lord, that thou hast not said to the seed of Jacob, ' Seek ye me in vain.' Oh, that we may give Thee no rest until Thou shalt make Jerusalem a praise in the earth. Lord, what wilt Thou have us to do for this place ? Show us, and give us strength to perform Thy wull, " To-day there is a confirmation here. But a few disciples will probably consecrate themselves to God, but I expect an abundant harvest. See if it is not so, and then to God be all the glory. Dear A. is to be confirmed, and is now, most probably, kneeling at the altar of the Lord. Dear Saviour, bless this lamb of Thy fold. " Oh ! do Ave not need to pray that this may be to us a Whitsunday indeed ? Do we not need the spirit of praise and prayer ? 0 Father, ' teach us good judgment and know- 1842.] RETURN TO THE SANCTUARY. 293 ledge,' for thy Avork is before us, and we can do nothing without Thee. Oh, make us humble, very humble and yet bold in Thy service ! May we never injure Thy cause by injudicious efforts, and yet never be deterred from duty. Take away the love and the fear of man. Ever say to us, ' This is the way, walk ye in it.' For Christ's sake, Avilt Thou answer these petitions ? '■'■June IQtIi. — How undeserving I am of such blessed pri- vileges, of such Christian fellowship as I am permitted to enjoy. If the merits of Jesus were not my claim to every blessing, I should not dare to appropriate one promise, one consolation. "Julj/ od, Sunday. — I have been reading part of the Communion Service and singing the 94th Hymn, and it always warms my heart. This morning, at my own dear church, and at the little sanctuary here, the blessed Commu- nion has been administered ; and I feel on such occasions, that though I am deprived of the emblems of Christ's sacri- fice, I can rest upon 'the oblation of Himself,' once offered,' with joyful confidence. ^'^Aug. 11th, Saturday night. — Last Sunday I Avas per- mitted by my Father in Heaven to revisit the sanctuary, and much I enjoyed its services, after an absence of about two years and ten months. The service was inexpressibly sweet, and I especially enjoyed the lessons from the blessed Bible. The sermon was very good. To-morrow, if it be the Lord's will, I expect to go again. I can hear perfectly from the vestry-room, and am quite retired there. ^'■Sunday morning, Aug. 28th. — Was again permitted to go to the vestry-room, to enjoy the services of the church, and above all, the holy Communion. I felt that it ought, indeed, to be a sacrifice of thanksgiving, for numberless have been the mercies granted me since I last enjoyed this privi- lege in the church. Ought I not to trust and love the God of my salvation ? Ho has strengthened me upon the bed of 25* 294 CHURCH IN BUCKS COUNTY. [1842. languishing, refreshed my spirit during the weary hours of the night, — He has filled many hearts with thoughts of kind- ness, and sent His people to speak to me of His unchange- able love. He has often caused me so to love the souls of the impenitent, that my lips have been opened to tell them of their danger and the refuge set before them ; and among the best of His blessings have been the reproofs of His Spirit, and grace to repent of the many sins I have committed. I feel that there has never been a thought in my heart, or an action in my life, which does not need the cleansing blood of Jesus. '''■Sept. 4tli. — Bless the Lord, 0 my soul, and forget not the blessings He has given thee this day. To say how much I enjoyed the service would be impossible. In it I had com- munion with the Most High, and my soul thirsted for more knowledge of Him. " Can I not testify that the Lord is merciful and wise ? He knows, and I deeply feel, that I merit only His displeasure, and yet unnumbered benefits, sanctified and sustained afilic- tions, have been my portion. I do not, and in His strength I will not, dread future suffering. I will not dwell upon the reflection that the earthly house of this tabernacle, shattered as it is, may suffer many a rough wind ere it be taken down. It may be thus, but my Fatjier will not forsake me, nor ' cause His child a needless tear.' " One of the cherished plans of Miss Allibone was the erection of a church in that part of Bucks County in which she had spent much of her time. She was deeply moved by the spiritual destitution and indifference to the things which accompany salvation, which she there observed. Like Him who had compassion on the multitudes that were scattered as sheep having no shepherd, she deeply commiserated neglected, wandering souls. Many and earnest were her petitions to the Lord of the harvest that he would send forth laborers 1842.] THE PROPOSED CnURCH. 295 into his harvest, and in these supplications this uncared-for field had frequent mention. With her prayers were united her alms, and the purpose was formed, by divine help, of rearing a sanctuary in this region, and sending there a herald of Christ's Gospel. With characteristic perseverance she clung to this purpose, and never abandoned the hope of its final success, although not permitted herself to see it. It would be inexcusable want of faith to suppose that an enter- prise, so dear to her heart, and so often commended to the chief Shepherd of the flock in her fervent prayers, will not be eventually accomplished. No fitter monument can be erected to her memory, none that would have been more desired by herself, than a house of God, rearing its modest front amid scenery on which her eye had so often gazed with grateful rapture, and holding forth the word of life to a popu- lation whom she so greatly longed to evangelize. The following letters allude to this plan, the first contain- ing one of the earliest notices of it. Should profits be realized from the present work, they will be applied to this favorite object of Susan Allibone's heart : To her Sister. " 1839. " Sister S. asks me if she is ' discouraging' in reference to 'Trinity Church/ Pineville, Bucks County. Tell her ' no / for sure I am, that if our Heavenly Father sees that its erection will be conducive to His glory, and the welfare of the neglected souls for whom it is designed, He will overcome every obstacle, and our prayers will at last be answered. I am sure that Jesus, seeing these sheep without a shepherd, is moved with compassion toward them, and will in some manner secure to them guidance in the way of Peace. " If this object be not effected before my death, I hope I shall be able in my last moments to commend it to your care. Perhaps W. or F. may one day labor in this field, though it is quite as likely they will proclaim the Gospel aiuong the heathen, fur I trust they will never learn this modern system of Gospel economy which does not recognise the principle, ' There is that scattereth and yet increaseth ; and there is that withholdeth more than is meet, but it tendeth to 296 CHRISTIAN SYMTATHY. [1841. poverty.' Let us send the snund of salvation to 'the uttermost ends of the earth,' and it will echo back to our own land, and then 'all shall know the Lord, from the least unto the greatest." To Miss T. "July 30, 1841. " I have often wished to answer your truly refreshing letter, my dear Miss T., but feel very sure that you have not suspected me of neglect, since you are aware that it is only at intervals that I am able to commune with my absent friends. You ask me for my prayers, and whilst in compliance with your request I implore for you our Heavenly Father's blessing, I forget not to thank Him that He has inclined your heart to labor in His vineyard, and I would bid you ' God speed,' my dear Christian friend, in every effort to induce those around you to participate in the bless- ings you have received. May the God of grace enable you to so adorn the religion you profess, that all around you shall acknowledge its sanctifying influences — so boldly and yet so meekly to urge its claims, that they cannot resist your entreaties. I trust many thanks- givings will ascend from your joyful heart for the conversion of those who are now strangers to true peace. Oh, that God would give us a spirit of wrestling supplication, of holy importunity, so that we may ' give Him no rest till He establish, and till He make Jerusa- lem a praise in the earth.' My heart is sad because /realize so little of this heaven-born ardor. Oh ! pray that I may be granted it more and more. Why do we not ' yearn in the bowels of Christ Jesus* over those who are on the brink of perdition ? Why are not our most earnest prayers more earnest, our most faithful efforts more faithful? I have often prayed that«God would make me really fed that those who know Him not are going down to eternal ruin, and help me so to act. You speak of your responsibilities, and I do not wonder that your insufficiency is ever before you ; for, as you remark, the eternal destiny of many will be influenced by your actions. But is it not well that you should ever feel that the work before you re- quires the aid of the Most High, for were your own strength, your own influence in any degree your dependence, most certain would be your failure, and your Heavenly Father would have you to come to Him for help, that you may give to Him alone the glory of success. ' 'Tis He that works to will, ^Tis lie that works to do ; His is the power by which we act, His bo the glory too.' 1842.] HOPEFULNESS. 297 If in the strength of the Lord j'ou hibor on, you will be, I doubt not, the means of the conversion of many souls, and will cause those who fear Him to be glad when they see you. May you ever, with deep humility, burning zeal and an abundant measure of spiritual joy, * press towards the mark.' "And now I must congratulate you upon the encouragement your efforts to build your church have received. I do not wonder that your faith is strengthened, and your letter cheers my heart too in reference to a plan of the same kind which has occupied many of my thoughts. I have a married sister who resides about twenty- three or four miles from P., in a neighborhood that greatly requires more active effort. I have been accustomed to pass some weeks of every summer with my sister, and I have been often grieved by the ignorance of the children of this neighborhood, and the indifference of their parents to sacred things. I have been endeavoring to raise funds for the erection of a little church this long time past, but as there is no one in the neighborhood to encourage the effort, my attempt is considered rather enthusiastic. I believe my desire will be some day accomplished, although a deposit of rather more than 180 in bank, and the promise of $70 when the building shall be commenced, is all the encouragement presented to the eye of sense. You will pray, I feel assured, that more zeal maybe given me in this good work, and whatever success may please the Lord. Oh, that the silver and gold which are devoted to fashion and folly were poured into His treasury ! * * * " I wish you would sometimes pray for a little girl twelve or thir- teen years old, for whom I was sponsor about five years since. I think baptized children should be looked upon as beings wholly con- secrated to the Lord, and that those who have stood with them at the chancel should remember that they must also meet them at the judgment-seat." * * * To Miss B. " Hamiltonville, Sept. 15, 1842. " My darling Lucie : — I was delighted to receive your welcome let- ter, and almost felt, after its perusal, as though I had enjoyed a long talk with you. I had wished for you very, very often, and if you be at any time permitted to visit me, should be truly delighted to wel- come you. I still fervently pray for you, and in your letter I observe an answer to me of my petitions ; for I had asked our Heavenly Father to grant you the privilege of Christian intercourse and coun- 298 EFFOETS TO DO GOOD. [1842. sol, and I am thankful to learn that you enjoy it. T am glad, too, that the chamber of sanctified sickness is your resort, for I doubt not that your visits give consolation, and are beneficial to yourself. "If you wish to be happy, dear Liicie, always be engaged in good works ; not that I would have you depend upon them for acceptance with God, or glory in any thing but the Cross of Christ, but they have a most healthful influence upon the mind. In striving to alle- viate the sorrows of others, we forget our own. * * * '' I am often thankful that our Heavenly Father brought us hero. I wish I could tell you how much we have to interest us. The girls teach Sunday School three times a day, and the schools are very flourishing. I never saw children more willing to receive instruction, or more afi'ectionate. I wish you, dear Lucie, to pray for my Satur- day afternoon school. It is interesting to me beyond expression, and I am so weak that I think it is probable I shall soon be obliged to give it up. On Friday afternoon we have a Society for the little church, of which I have, perhaps, spoken to you. I speak as though it already existed, for with ' the eye of faith' I can see it. It is to be in the neighborhood of Wrightstown, Bucks County, not far from my sister's residence. I have deplored the spiritual wants of the people, and determined long since to try to raise money to build a Church there. They are very ignorant of our Church, and have no places of worship but one Orthodox Friend, and one Hicksite meet- ing-house, no Sunday School, and the children know so little of our blessed Saviour, that my heart is sad when I think of them. I have succeeded in raising a hundred dollars, and seventy-five have been left in a will for this purpose. Before Christmas our Society will probably have a sale. I want you to pray about these things. I know you love me, and will be willing to carry to the Throne of Grace the darling objects of my heart. * * * "I am very pale and weak; this is all I know of my health. 'To depart and be with Christ is far better;' but to quote your quotation, I would say, 'Lord! when Thoit wilt.' I am rejoicing in Jesus, poor sinner that I am. " Will you believe that I have spent four Sunday mornings in the vestry-room of the village Church, where I could hear the services of our own dear Church ? ' I prize her holy ways.' I was drawn over in my wagon, and lifted into the vestry-room. " Our dear Pastor was here the other day. We ought to pray much for him. " My own darling Lucie, may God give you grace to helieve, to 1842.] LETTERS. 299 jyray, to praise, to icatch, to lahor, to rejoice. Go to Jesus with every care, and ask Him to bless jour faithful friend. S. " Feb. 23, 1842. <' To tell you of all the causes which have so long deprived me of the pleasure of intercourse with you, would occupy more space than I am willing to devote to an opoloyij, and when I assure you that my delay has been most involuntary, and that it has been ray almost daily desire to write to you, the charge of intentional neglect will not be urged against me. I really love to write to my friends, and feel thankful that I am sometimes strong enough to thus indulge myself, and am always rejoiced to receive from iheni a message of Christian remembrance. Do not forget this when you are summing up your epistolary debts, and allow me to be one of your most urgent creditors. " Your last letter I read with great delight, and was indeed encou- raged to trust that the little church in whose erection /feel so much interest will ere long raise its spire, also — a monument of the wil- lingness of God to answer prayer and bless the efforts of His chil- dren. We have at our house a very interesting little Sewing Society for its benefit. E.'s Sunday School girls are among its members, and as several of them have recently become quite serious, I would com- mend them to your earnest prayers. They are exposed to the tempt- ations of fashionable life, and none of them, I believe, with but one exception, have pious pax'ents. " Oh ! I do wish you would pray with holy earnestness that we may do for this village all that our Father will bless. There is work enough for many laborers, and we have but few. A regular system of tract distribution, commenced last summer, is doing much good. The Sunday Schools are well attended. One for colored people, which was established about six weeks since, is progressing wonder- fully, and the pupils are remarkably attentive and respectful. * * " I do desire the privilege of laboring more for the cause of Christ than I have done, for I have been very unfaithful. I do not think our friends are good judges of our efforts for the extension of truth. They see what we do, and call us very faithful, but they do not know how many opportunities of usefulness have been neglected, how much more we might have done, had we at all times ' a spirit still pre- pared, watching unto prayer.' Even had we neglected but one soul, it would be enough to destroy all self-complacency forever. Oh, that we may be delivered from blood-guiltiness I" * * * 300 PENITENTIAL SORROW. [1842. " Sept. 17tli, Sunday. — A peaceful, quiet day has refreshed my spirit, and though I have been too sick to revisit the ves- try-room, I have been quite as happy at home. There have been few spiritual gifts conferred upon mc during my sick- ness which I have valued more than the entire willingness I have felt to relinquish the privileges of the sanctuary, at the bidding of the Lord, and oh ! how kind He has been to me in the solitude of my chamber ! To the Rrv. R. Smith. "Oct. 3, 1842. " E. has recently received a letter from your brother, in which he gives us the deligbtful news that he has become a member of the Church. His mind was much occupied with religious subjects when he was with us, and the depression of spirits to which you allude was the result of a deep conviction of sinfulness, while his faith was not strong enough to take hold of the promises of the Gospel. I think it has increased, and that he now looks from himself more than formerly to ' the Lamb of God which taketh away the sin of the world.' Religion is not calculated to fill the mind with gloom, for ' her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.' But when the soul is awakened from its slumber, and begins to realize its awful danger, it is not wonderful that, until the burden of sin is cast at the foot of the Cross, it should be a weight too heavy to be borne. Let us pray for much of this godly sorrow which worketh repentance not to be repented of, for we have deeply sinned against a God of infinite love. " I love to think of the character of God. He is a Being so holy, so wise and so merciful, that lie is indeed worthy of all our praise. As He reveals Himself in the person of Jesus Christ we can best understand His attributes, for in His Cross 'mercy and truth are met together, righteousness and peace have kissed each other.' " Dear Robert, when will you come to this blessed Saviour ? Are you not ' weary and heavy laden ?' Oh, then, come to Him for rest. His blood will wash away your sins. His grace will overcome the cor- ruption of your nature, His strength enable you to resist the storms of hfe, and His consolations sustain your spirit in every hour of dis- tress. " You may say that you do not feel as you ought, and therefore cannot come to Jesus. Well, come to Him just as you arc. He 1842.] A SUCCESSFUL APPEAL. 801 came to give 'repentance,' as well as 'remission of sins.' My dear cousin, I must not only jn'rstcac/e you to become a disciple of Christ, but I must faithfully ivarn you of your danger while you stay away from Ilim; for we must one daystand together at the judgment-seat, and if I were to see you among those upon whose heads will descend the wrath of the Lamb, should I not wish that I had done all I eould to win you to my blessed Saviour ? Are you willing to lie down and to rise up with the wrath of God abiding on you ? Are you willing to be His enemy, and to expend upon the trifles of earth the energies which should be consecrated to His service ? And yet, if unconverted, this is so. Oh ! do pray earnestly and perseveringly for the Holy Spirit's aid. Never doubt, never despair, but pray for the promises of the Bible. Do you read the Bible daily, and with prayer, and do you study it a great deal ? /keep it always near me upon my stand, and love it more and more. "I have often indulged the hope that you and Howard will be blessings to your fellow-creatures. Your brother has found himself a home in the sanctuary, friends among the disciples of Jesus, and is laboring to win to the Saviour some little children of the Sunday School. I expect for him much happiness. My dear cousin, are you willing to be left alone ? Will you not say to your only bro- ther, ' Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.' But remember God's Spirit will not 'always strive,' ' jjozt; is the accepted time.' " Have you read Henry Martyn's Life? I should like to sec you also a herald of the Cross. Have you a Prayer-Book ? Some of the prayers might be useful, and it contains sweet sacred poetry. Where do you go to Church ? I trust you endeavor to keep holy the Sab- bath, and that you do not frequent places where dancing, cards, &c., are used. We should be very glad to have your name for the Tem- perance Book. You must not think I dictate, for I write to you as to a brother, and I suspect no one but your own brother feels more interest in you. Write to me very soon, and tell me that you have given your heart to Jesus. I pray for you every day." * * * '■'■ Nov. 15th. — The Lord has been very merciful to some of those for whose salvation we have prayed, and I see indi- cations of the Spirit's work in other hearts. My boys to- night were very attentive, and I think J. B. and Q. L. are in some degree under serious impressions. 0 my Father, teach 26 302 LABORS BLESSED. [1842. ■what I shall do for them ! W. C. increases in spiritual in- terest. Some of his remarks are very encouraging. He said to me one day, ' Sometimes, on Saturday afternoon, when school is out, I want you so much to talk to me about giving my heart to God, that I feel as if I could not go out of the room, and as if I should burst out crying.' He says people think he is good, but they do not know the wickedness of his heart. He wishes to be a missionary, and I have bright hopes for the dear boy. These feelings have continued many weeks. I asked him, last Saturday, how he spent his evenings. He said, sometimes in his room, praying. " P. A. H. seems to have passed from death unto life. Last Sunday I was again at the vestry-room, and could distinctly hear the sweet baptismal service, a blessing I never expected to enjoy. "When P. A. and dear A. were called to the chan- cel, I could have almost praised God aloud, and my heart yearned over the immortal beings who were in the church. I prayed with many tears for my scholars and E.'s, and the many young persons whom I knew were present. " Last Friday my own dear Pastor administered to me the Communion, and it was a blessing to me. Dear Lucie B. came just as the service was concluded, and remained until Monday. We spoke much together of eternal things." To the Rev. J. A. Clark. "Not. 1G, 1842. '' I think your heart will be cheered, my much-loved Pastor, by the perusal of this letter [enclosed] from our cousin who called upon you last winter to solicit spiritual counsel. Your letter to Mr. J. secured for H. his sympathy and faithful efforts, and he spoke of them, in his letters, with gratitude, although he was unable for a lono- time to appropriate the consolations of the Gospel. " We learned, a month or two since, that he had joined the Church, and his last letter conveys to us still better tidings. " Though we never met until last fall, we have corresponded for years, and it has been my oft-repeated prayer that this orphan cousin and his only brother might be specially set apart for the service of 1842.] A PEACEFUL DETARTURE. 303 God — that if it were His good pleasure they might 'say among the heathen that the Lord reigncth/ Aid us in returning hearty thanks to our merciful Father in Heaven, who ' loveth the stranger/ and pitieth the orphan, kindly vouchsafing him the spirit of adoption, whereby he can call God Father. Is not this a blessed relationship ? It seems wonderful that one so unworthy as /should enjoy it, and yet I feel that I may ' With blest assurance claim A portion so divine.' "Your recent visit, brief as it was, refreshed me greatly, and your remark that the best way to do good to others is to take care of our own souls, I have thought of very often. Oh ! that God will give me grace thus to prove my zeal for His glory, and my love for the souls of the perishing f * * * "I often pray that the Lord will grant you as much physical strength as may be consistent with His will, for I know that many arduous duties are continually pressing upon you, and I trust you will be enabled to discharge them, many a long year to come. You have consecrated your best energies to your Master's service, and He will comfort and sustain you in every hour of suffering, in every time of need. He will make ' all things work together' for your good. * * * "On Sunday week I was again at the vestry-room, my fifth visit to the sanctuary, and enjoyed the services more than words can ex- press. I heard once more our beautiful baptismal service, as two young girls dedicated themselves to the service of our blessed Sa- viour— our only hope. '"'■ Dec. \%tli. — Dear M. P. has gone to heaven since I last wi'ote, and though I mourn her loss, I am thankful for another illustration of the power of Jesus to sustain in a tljing hour. She said, when dying, 'If this is death, it is sweet,' and, ' Jesus is all I require.' Dear Saviour ! be with me also in a dying hour." To J. U. S. " IIamiltonville, Dec. 19, 1842. " I will at least commence a letter to you, dear Howard, though I fear interruptions in this. We earnestly hope the long-talked-of sanctuary will one day attract into its sacred walls many who know 304 ANSWERED PRAYER. [1842. not the blessed privileges of our own dear Church. Dear Howard, I would commend to your fervent prayers the destitute neighborhood in which our parents spent their early days. It may be long before a sufficient sum shall be obtained for the erection of a building, but the siher and fhe gold are the Lord's, and we will pray that they may be poured into His treasury. "■ My beloved cousin, I cannot tell you how my heart is cheered, and ray faith strengthened by the loving-kindness which our Father in Heaven has manifested towards you, my orphan cousin, for whom I prayed for so many years, when you were yet ' afar off.' And when I learned that you had been asking the Most High if it be not His will that you should devote yourself to the ministry, and whether He would have you to proclaim to the heathen the unsearchable riches of Christ, — and remembered that I had asked this when, from the circumstances in which you were placed, there appeared no hu- man probability that you would ever thus consecrate yourself to Christ, you cannot wonder that my heart was glad. '' 1 have thought of you, since I heard your feelings on this sub- ject, with peculiar sympathy; and it is my heartfelt prayer that you may clearly discern the path of duty ; and you ought to believe that a bright light will be reflected upon it. ' In all thy ways acknow- ledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths,' is a promise which has occurred to my mind in many a season of perplexity, and has been so often fulfilled in my experience, that I delight to make it the motto of my life. 0 that from earliest infancy I had done this ! " I trust that you have given yourself to the service of Him who died for you, with a full resolve that ' all your powers, with all their might, in God's sole glory shall unitp ;' and if so, I am willing, much as I love you, that you should stand upon the very outposts of Zion, — that you should labor and die a faithful soldier and servant of Jesus the crucified. Willing, do I say ? I should be thanJcfid to see all whom friendship has made dear, all who are united to me by the ties of kindred, fully imbued with a missionary spirit, and await- ing only the Lord's pleasure, whether it be exercised in domestic eff"ort, or on a foreign field. " What a glorious privilege to teach even a little child the name of Jesus, and how elevated the honor of saying to the poor victim of heathen error, '■ Behold the Lamb of God !' I know the toils of missionary life are more than sufficient to damp the zeal of the en- thusiast, and that they require the exercise of more than human fortiiude and energy; but soldiers of the Cross are supplied. with 1842.] CHEERING WORDS. 305 sword and with shield by the great Captain of their salvation. If you receive your connuission from Him, my dear cousin, you may press onward, nothing doubting, and if the corruption and ignorance of those to whom you would teach the way of life almost tempt you to be weary in well-doing, anticipate a joyous meeting with them in the world of glory, where they shall hail you as the instrument of their conversion, and your faith and patience will increase. *' Do you not sometimes feel, dear Howard, as though you would like to be with us all once more ? I often wish to see you, now that we could talk together of our heavenly home — our Saviour's love ; and might have many talks that we should much enjoy. Now that the season is near in which those, whom kindred has united, de- light to meet together, I am afraid your heart will be saddened by the reflection that no domestic hearth for you burns brightly, — and yet I trust you will be so thankful that you can 'come boldly to a Throne of Grace, and so prepare to celebrate the coming of the Prince,' that sorrowful thoughts will give place to songs of praise. " Have you heard recently from Robert? Let us continue to im- plore for him justifying grace, fur we surely ought to exercise strong faith in our Father's willingness to bless. * * * a Wi-ite soon — pray for me often, that I may be more humble, grateful and believing; and accept an assurance of sincere alFection." 2G* CHAPTER XIV. 1843. Success of her Efforts for the Young — Recent Illustration — Enjoyment of the Holy Communion — Letter to R. S. on the Scriptures — Letter to J. IL S. — False Doctrines — Dr. Clark's Illness — Prospect of Sudden Death — Miss B.'s Illness — Letters of Condolence — Hor- tatory Letters to a Lady. The reader will have been enabled to form some idea, from the foregoing extracts, of the ardent desires to bring her fellow- creatures to the enjoyment of the Gospel hope by which Miss Allibone was influenced. Her zeal was indeed ever burning, and her love for the souls of men constant and overflowing. It passed by none whom it could reach and win. All for whom Christ died were embraced within her expansive charity. Her love for the Redeemer was extended to the redeemed. And her interest in the spiritual and eternal welfare of those around her was as sincerely felt for the poor, the ignorant and the humble, as for those invested with all that was attrac- tive and dazzling. To the intellectual, the accomplished, the opulent and admired she spoke^with the fidelity and persua- siveness of a Christian friend ; while the unlettered and unrefined were no less the objects of her fervent prayers and affectionate solicitations. Much did she rejoice when success crowned these efibrts ; when she was permitted to see the tear of penitence glisten in the eye, and to hear the cry for mercy arise from the burdened breast. Nothing was more reviving to her heart than indications of anxiety for eternal life in any of those who attended her instructions. It could be truly said of her that she had meat to eat wliicli the world knew not of. Her Djary for 1843, although containing but few entries, notices with exceeding joy and gratitude the 1843.] ENCOURAGEMENT IN LABORS. 307 evidences of the divine blessing upon her labors for the young. '■^February. — One or two Sundays since I was suffering such acute pain, that, although I was in a peaceful frame of mind, I could scarcely think with animation — when E., who is the joy of my heart, talked so sweetly of heavenly things, and interested me in comparing texts of Scripture in which our blessed Saviour is compared with light, bread, &c., that I was quite raised above the infirmities of the body. " March 2Qth, 1843, Sunday. — Very, very solemn feelings this night. Have been praying with Sister F. and with my whole heart, that we may be prepared to meet the Saviour. I have cast myself long since, and again and again do I re- new the consecration, upon the mercy of God in Christ Jesus — my only liope — dedicating all that I am and have to His service. I have sinned and come short, but the ful- ness of Jesus is the supply of my every want. " My heart was rejoiced, yesterday, by a letter from one of my boys, expressive of the deepest spiritual interest. Several of the girls are serious. " I hope I shall never have a will of my own. Yet, although in one great affliction, I have been even preserved from mur- muring, I would only rely upon special grace for the endurance of any trial. I love to depend upon God for every spiritual gift. 0 that my heart were filled with gratitude for His mercy towards my scholars ! I was formerly almost over- whelmed with delight wh^n but one of them became serious, and now I have again and again new subjects for thanks- giving. I have reason to trust that more than six of them have recently given their hearts to Jesus, and quite a number are very seriously impressed. I often see that is silently praying for a blessing while I am talking Avith the other boys. " In the midst of my joy I have had a great trial, in the sudden death of my beautiful little Caroline, one of the most 308 INTERESTING INCIDENT. [1843. interesting and attentive of the Saturday class. She always sat close beside me, and listened with earnest and sometimes tearful attention. I remember, she one day leaned her head on my lap and wept, while I begged her to give her heart to Jesus. She was at the public school on Wednesday, and on Friday morning was in eternity. She had not one interval of reason. Is not this a solemn lesson ? Ought it not to teach me to be very faithful ? "Two of the most interesting letters I have ever seen I have received from , one of the Tuesday evening boys. He rejoices in Jesus. 0, my Father, teach me how to speak to these lambs of Thy fold, of the gentle Shepherd, of Jesus. The spiritual gift I have been asking this long time is grace to speak to Jesus, that those whom I am striving to win to His service may see that He is ' the Way, the Truth and the Life,' and come at once to Him." The following incident, not a solitary one of the kind, T^hich occurred since her decease, is an illustration of the extensive good which she was the instrument of accomplish- ing, and of the germination of the good seed, so diligently scattered, after her earthly labors had ceased : "It is about two months since a young man called to see Miss Allibone, for the purpose of expressing his gratitude for the interest she had taken in his spiritual welfare. During his residence in the village he was in the habit of calling fre- quently to see her, to receive counsel. He removed to the city, and became very dissipated, but never forgot the words of admonition he had heard from her lips ; and these recol- lections pursued him so constantly and powerfully, that he was often afraid to sleep at night. A sermon which he heard last winter increased these convictions to such a degree that he said, ' If Miss Susan had not taught mo where to flee, and how I ought to go to Jesus, I should have despaired of mercy. I came this afternoon to rejoice with her, and I am so sorry 1843.] THE REFRESHING ORDINANCE. 309 not to find her.' He appeared to be sincerely repentant, and to have found ' peace in believing.' " "14f7/, Crood Friday. — I have earnestly prayed this day, that I may not suffer spiritual loss from the privation of the services of the sanctuary, but that I may realize the suifer- inors of Jesus, and live and trust Him more than ever. Sometimes my heart is deeply touched, while I think of all my Saviour has done, but often it is very cold, and never is it duly sensible of His love. Surely, no one has more reason to prize it than I, and no one deserves it less. '■'•April 29th. — I have just had an interview with , Avhich has awakened inexpressible feeling, — such feeling as one who has ' yearned in the bowels of Jesus Christ' over one deeply loved only can know. He has been, of late, in- creasingly serious, and it has given me great consolation to resign him to the operations of the Holy Spirit, who has been teaching him lessons of contrition, and increasing his interest in spiritual things. Nearly eighteen months ago I was enabled to cast him with peculiar faith upon the Saviour, and lately I have trusted that I should see the realization of my hopes. ^'3Iay 27th. — I should be glad to make some record of the interesting events which are continually occurring, but I cannot always without neglecting other duties. Especially would I remember the refreshing Communion season I enjoyed a few weeks since, when I was enabled to look to Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith, with feelings of inexpressi- ble peace. Dear Mr. N. administered the Communion, and read a sermon upon the love of Christ, which was very sweet, and accompanied with a blessing. How mistaken are those who look upon these ordinances as lifeless forms ! Though I know they are lifeless indeed without the Spirit's power, still the Lord does bless the ordinances of His appoint- ment. 310 LETTERS. [1843. To her cousin R. Smith. " Feb. 5, 1843. ''I received your letter, dear Eobert, with a thankful heart, as it inspires the hope that you are heeding the gentle whispers of the Holy Spirit, and will no longer refuse the offers of salvation. " The information that you have renounced the companionship of those who would injure your best interests is very gratifying; and in reference to this step, I would remind you of the promise con- tained in the 17th and 18th verses of the 6th chapter of 2d Corin- thians. I once heard this sweet assurance repeated with a faltering voice and tone of earnestness by a young Christian friend, who is now enjoying, in the realms of glory, eternal communion with Him, at whose bidding he cheerfully renounced all unsanctified pleasure in the very morning of his days. Like yourself he was an orphan, and had an only brother who was a few years older than himself. Although his disposition was lively, and his fortune so large that he could have gratified any desire for earthly pleasure, he became one of the most watchful, self-denying disciples of our Saviour I have ever known. He confessed this blessed Redeemer in the rites of His own, appointment, and not very long after was gladdened by his brother's participation in the same joys which filled his heart. They both became the subjects of the disease to which almost all their kindred have fallen victims — consumption, — and are now rejoicing together that they obeyed the call, ' Come out from among them, and be ye separate.' "Your brother, dear Robert, has passed the boundary which divides the children of God from those who know Him not. When he was aroused to a realization of iiis deep depravity, his heart was filled with sorrow, but now, that he has come to Jesus, it has become the abode of peace, for he experiences that the Saviour's ' yoke is easy, and His burden light.' In a very interesting letter I received from him a week or two since, he expresses the deepest interest in your welfare. Shall I not hope, my dear cousin, that his earnest prayer and mine will be answered, and that, with the angels in heaven, we shall rejoice over your conversion ? " You sometimes fear that your petitions do not ascend on High, and thus would Satan persuade you that it is in vain that you seek God, and win you to closer allegiance to his service. Oh ! do not heed these suggestions, but plead the promises of God. I should like you to pray over each verse of the 55th chapter of Isaiah and the loth chapter of Luke. If you would realize feelings of deep- 1843.] THE SCRIPTURES. 311 ened penitence, make the 51st and 25tli Psalms subjects of your supplication. Wlien you would feci more grateful, let the 103d (my blessed mother's favorite,) furnish you with matter for thanksgiving. If you desire an increase of wisdom, study the book of Proverbs with earnest care, and be encouraged to ask it of God by the sweet pro- mise you will find in the 1st chapter of James. I do not doubt that the Bible is your frequent study, and trust you will love it more and more. I like very much to read it with references to parallel pas- sages, and should love to read it with you this summer. Does your friend, Mi*. W., take pleasure in biblical studies ? Will he not study with you the Book of Life ? " May God give you grace, dear Robert, to bring every doctrine 3'ou would examine to the test of this sacred book, and to remember that ' if they speak not according to this Word, it is because there is no light in them.' There is, in this age of liberalism, such a dispo- sition to substitute reason's feeble light for the revelation God has kindly given us, that it is peculiarly needful to beware of false teach- ers and unscriptural views. How plainly the Scriptures teach us the innate corruption of our nature, the glorious doctrine of Christ's deity, and His atonement ! I do love to meditate on the soul-sus- taining truth that, in the Cross of Jesus, ' mercy and truth are met together, righteousness and peace have kissed each other.' Though we merit eternal death, we are justified freely by the blood of Christ. Fear not to trust this gracious Saviour, and defer not coming to Him until you have repented more humbly. Come to Ilimyb?' repentance, and aU else you need. " You ' ask God to make your prayers sincere.' This is just such a petition as I would have you offer. Oh ! do not rest, do not cease to pray, until you can say, ' I know that 7nj/ Redeemer liveth,' and then when you have known His love, you will ask Him to teach you what you shall do to prove your gratitude, to win your fellow-sinners to His love, and perhaps you will one day stand at 3'our brother's side in the sacred ministry, or tell of Jesus in foreign lands. How- ever this maybe, if you become truly religious you will be a blessing to all around you. Oh ! Robert, 'A heavenly race demands our zeal, And an immortal crown.' " I think your new mode of life must be greatly preferable, I have prayed that you and Mr. W. may enjoy spiritual intercourse — that you may make preparation for eternity. " Have you access to religious books ? There are a few I should 312 BOOKS. [1843. so much like you to read : ' Mcllvaine's Evidences/ ' Wilberforce's Practical View of Christianity/ ' Doddridge's Rise and Progress/ ' Dr. Clark's Walk about Zion/ and ' Pastor's Testimony/ are books from wbich you would derive profit and pleasure. I wish you could make a selection from the book-case in my room. " You must not suppose that I feel no interest in your intellectual pursuits, dear Robert. I am glad that you are seeking to cultivate your mind, but I would have you to consecrate every study by asking upon it the blessing of God, and ever to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. I sincerely hope your time is never devoted to the perusal of novels. I once loved them, but now regard them with disapprobation. When became serious, she resolved that she would read no book upon which she could not ask the blessing of God. This rule banishes all novel reading, does it not? " I find so much consolation in prayer, that I am desirous that you should consecrate several seasons of each day to this employ- ment. Twilight is a sweet hour for devotion, and if you will tell me, when you write, that you will always pray for me at that time, our petitions will ascend together, if my life be prolonged, * * * " May the Father of the fatherless guide you forever, is the prayer of your cousin, Susan." To J. IT. S. " Greenwood, June 12, 1843. " I have almost feared, my dear cousin, that you would suspect me of declining friendship, but I can assure you that you would have received many letters if my kind thoughts of you had been penned. You are so well acquainted with the state of my health, that I need not tell you that my physical infirmities very much limit my ability for epistolary effort, but they do not prevent me from thinking of you with sisterly affection, and from asking every day that the Most High may bless you. " I feel quite desirous to learn whether light has been thrown upon your path in reference to your theological studies. If not, dear Howard, be not discouraged, but pray earnestly, constantly for direc- tion, and you will certainly receive it. Perhaps our Heavenly Father sees that the exercise of faith and patience will best mature your Christian character, and will, when His purposes shall have been accomplished, remove the obstacles which are now in your way. I feel very great sympathy with you in this matter, and often make it a subject of prayer. 1843.] CAUTION AGAINST FALSE DOCTRINE. 313 " I trust, my dear cousin, that the Word of God will be your chief delight — that you will, with the Psalmist, continually pray, 'Teach me good judgment and knowledge ;' and sure I am, whilst this book is your guide, and this petition in your heart, you will never receive as an article of your faith, the doctrine of 2^^'og>'essive justljication, baptismal regeneration, consiihstantiation, or any of those opinions which have been recently so much discussed. I do not believe that any member of our beloved Church can feel for her more sincere affection. I have again and again returned hearty thanks to our Father in Heaven, that He has guided my steps into so peaceful a home. I love her scriptural doctrines and delight in her truly spiri- tual services, but my heart grows sick when I discover that her mistaken friends too often injure her interests by unduly exalting external things. "As a private Christian, I am anxious that you should possess sanctified, ojmiions, for we can never realize the extent of the influ- ence we all possess ; but the responsibility which rests upon a cler- gyman is so great, that Almighty grace can alone enable him to discharge it, or I should rather say that he needs a double portion of the Spirit's influence. I delight to know that the Shepherd and Bishop of souls is ever ready to bestow His gracious teachings, and I love to place myself under His protection from ' false doctrine, heresy and schism.' " I wish you could have shared with us a delightful communion we enjoyed last week. Dr. Clark has been compelled to resign the care of St. Andrew's, and is too much of an invalid to perform pas- toral duty. His visits were a great consolation, and I miss them greatly, but Mr. N. has been here several times, and has twice administered the communion. If you have never received it on a private occasion, you cannot imagine how interesting it is. We feel that our blessed Saviour is with us, and I have often thought, dear Howard, that if a manifestation of His presence is a proof that any service is acceptable to Him, I can never doubt that the reception of the Lord's Supper is according to His will. Is not the language of the Communion service beautifully adapted to the occasion ? " One of my friends, a sincere but doubting Christian, was very anxious to obey the Saviour's command, but feared she was not yet prepared. We read together the service, and she discovered there was nothing in it which should deter any penitent sinner from approaching the ordinance, and she became at once a communi- cant. * * * 27 314 YOUTHFUL PIETY. [1843. ''Dear H., do pray that I maybe more thankful. I am dealt with so gently, and am so entirely unworthy of the goodness of God. * * ^= " Quite a number of the village children are under serious impres- sions, and some appear to have been truly regenerated. Will you not, dear cousin, pray most earnestlij that I may be taught the les- sons I would give to others ? You could not bestow upon me a greater favor. I do not realize, as I ought, the value of souls, and I wish to be very faithful, and to feel that I am dependent upon Divine aid. I desire an eye single to the glory of God. " Have you lately heard from Robert, or is he yet with you ? I feel very deep interest' in his spiritual welfare, and pray for him at twilight. Ask him if he remembers my proposition. " Write soon to your affectionate cousin, Susan." '•'•July, 1843. — I have had an interesting talk with my young friend, H. T. I think the Holy Spirit has touched his heart. A. V. has, I trust, given his heart to Jesus. "I enjoy my rides much more since J. B. has been so serious. lie thinks he has given his heart to our Saviour. I asked him ii he thought there was any change in his con- duct, from which his Father could know that he felt interested in religion. He replied, ' I do my errands smarter.' Tasked him if there was any thing else, and he said, ' 1 do not quar- rel so much with .' These seem like the fruits of the Spirit. I have had too many jlisappointments in my life, to feel certain that all the serious boys will prove truly religious, and yet I am thankful for all they do feel." To Mm B. '■'■ I believe I will indulge myself with writing you a few lines, dearest Lucie, for as it is the fourth of July, I do not ride in my little carriage to-day, and I have not any company just now. Yes- terday I had a very pleasant visit from Mr. S., who spoke sweetly of the desirableness of conformity to the image of Jesus. You will be glad to learn that I have passed the last two Sunday mornings in the vestry-room, and enjoyed the services inexpressibly. 'With joy shall we draw water out of the wells of salvation.' 1843.] LETTERS. 315 ''I am more and more deeply impressed witli tLe coRviction that religion is a source of soul-sustaining pleasure, and I feel thankful that I am permitted to ' taste and see that the Lord is good.' I would remind you, my beloved friend, of the fulness which is in Jesus, and encourage you to come to Him for all you need. I am sure that the spirits of the redeemed in heaven rejoice that they believed these promises so gloriously realized. Let us be followers of thch- faith and patience. I pray for you often, and regret that we cannot more frequently pray and talk together. Dear Lucie ! be watchful, prayerful and believing, and you will be more than con- queror over every spiritual foe. When created objects would inter- pose their charms, oh ! think of the dying love of Jesus; think of Him as your ascended Lord ; and pray for grace to realize that He is 'chief among ten thousand and altogether lovely.' " I ought to have returned the account of Laura B. ere this. I read it with interest, and felt that I ought to pray for this interest- ing girl; for I fear that her intellectual and affectionate instructor will not lead her to the Cross of Jesus. I am not acquainted with his denoiuinational peculiarities, but I was grieved by the spiritual ignorance his narrative displays. He does not recognize the native corruption of the heart, and while he acknowledges her ability for the acquisition of knowledge, hesitates to teach her the doctrines of Christianity. Do you remember the description of Jack, in Personal Recollections, and his idea of the red hand ?" * * * To (lie same. " Woods, Aug. 3, 1843. " Imagine me, my darling Lucie, in my little carriage, under the shade of some beautiful trees, surrounded by delightful and very rural scenery ; the waters of the mill-dam are flowing at the foot of the hill, and the birds are singing around me. I wish you were with me now; I could have you to sing for me, and we could talk together of the celestial city. I find my efforts to secure leisure for writing to you so unsuccessful, that I have brought a sheet of paper to this sweet spot, that I may tell you that you are not for- gotten, and must never suspect that my warm affection has in any degree diminished. " I have been wishing to make some comments upon the remark of your friend. Miss W., of which you speak in your last note. It has been said by some one that we cannot thank God as we ought for our creation, until we learn to praise Him for our redemption. 316 SYMTATHY. [1843. Since your friend has accepted the oiFers of salvation, she then has a right to return unfeigned thanksgiving that she was born at all, that she might 'be born again.' If hers shall be the blessedness of Heaven, she will ' then in nobler, sweeter songs,' oifer praise to Him who has granted such rich blessings of Providence and grace. It is wonderful that He has ' so loved the world.' " I think the habit of returning thanks for the blessings of each day is very beneficial. Even the comparatively trifling events which cause us to pass time pleasantly, should be noticed as subjects for thanksgiving. The beauties of nature, the air we breathe, the flowers which speak to us so sweetly of our Father's love, the provisions He supplies for our physical need, and the observation of His ruling, guiding care, should constantly cause us to exclaim, ' The whole earth is full of Thy riches.' And then, our Heavenly Father exer- cises towards us so much patience and long-sufiering ; He scatters upon almost every page of His Holy Word such blessed promises; He gave His only Son to die for our sins; His Spirit to guide and to console; and then, when life's journey shall have been passed. He takes His redeemed children to dwell with Him in peace and joy for ever. "I know, dear Lucie, that those who dwell in glory 'come out of great tribulation,' for discipline is needed by every child of Adam, but we must 7ieve7' donht, for ' all things shall work together for good to them that love God.' How sweet is the expression, ' Thou art the Helper of the fatherless.' We are fatherless, dearest Lucie, and God is our Father. J am motherless, and yet ' as one whom His mother coniforteth so He comforts me.' Oh, do not let us turn away from Him, let us seek more and more of the Spirit of adoption, and let us pray for grace to render filial obedience at all times. * * * " 5/7f. — I received your letter, dear Lucie, after my return from the woods, but until now have not found leisure to complete even this scribbled epistle. " I scarcely know what to say in reference to your spiritual troubles, in which I need not assure you that I always deeply sympathize. I should be sorry if the fear of giving me pain should ever induce you to withhold the expression of your feelings. "You speak of the temptation you sometimes feel to give up all efibrt to pursue the path which leads to Heaven. Surely you must know whence this suggestion comes, and instantly reject it with hor- ror. Read with earnest prayer, my beloved friend, the llth cliap- 1843.] LOVE FOR THE TRUTH. 317 ter of Hebrews; look at the 'cloud of witnesses,' wlio 'might have had opportunity to have returned/ but who pressed onward througb trials which we, dear Lucie, have never yet known; for wo have not yet 'resisted unto blood, striving against sin.' I have often thought if religion were not the blessed thing it is ; if it required the sacrifice of every earthly enjoyment, or even confinement to some dreary dun- geon, it would be wiser to endure all this, that we might escape eter- nal misery, and secure the blessing of Heaven. But it is not tJius. Were there no world but this, the disciple of Jesus would be happier even in afiiiction, than the most brilliant of earth's votaries. Dear Lucie, I fear this state of mind has been in some degree produced by inattention to the voice of the Holy Spirit. There is so much danger of grieving Him by the indulgence of indolent or vain feel- ings, by the careless perusal of His Word, by the neglect of prayer and self-examination, and by iinhcJuf. Be your dilEculties what they may, they are not beyond the power of Him who is 'able to subdue all things unto Himself.' Cast yourself anew at the foot of the Cross, and you will find that Christ is able to 'save unto the uttermost." * * * '^Aug. 1st. — 0 my Heavenly Father, preserve me from the false doctrine which makes my spirit so sad. Teach me to defend the truth as it is in Jesus. Endue me with meekness and discretion, and with holy boldness ; for Thou seest I need them all. Oh, let my faith be strengthened by every argu- ment. Let me not pride myself upon my orthodoxy, but remember that it is only while I sit at the feet of Jesus, and learn from Him new lessons of faith and love, that I can be preserved from error. I do cling to the Cross. I do depend upon Thy teaching, Thou gracious Shepherd and Bishop of souls. I commit my faith, my allegiance to Thy protection. I thank Thee that Thou hast preserved me through years of temptation. " Yesterday had a season of prayer, in which I felt, some- what as I wisli to feel, the desolation of Zion — in which my soul was burdened for the sins of my people. I have had the expression of David, ' My soul, wait thou only upon God, for my expectation is from Ilim,' very much in my mind for some time past. 27 * 318 ILLNESS OF FRIENDS. [1843. " My dear Pastor's illness is a great trial. He paid us a visit lately, but could converse very little, and could not even pray with me. But I ' look unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.' " I have had some symptoms which increase the probability that my death may be sudden, — an almost constant uneasi- ness of the heart. I contemplate death with pleasure, for ' I know that my Redeemer liveth,' but I feel grieved that I am not more heavenly-minded. 0 my Father, pardon my many sins, and sanctify my soul, for Jesus' sake." In the summer of 1843, Miss Allibone's very dear and interesting friend, Miss Byrd, was seized with illness of an alarming character. The immediate and threatening dan- ger, by the blessing of God on skilful medical treatment, was averted, but the disease was only for a time checked and mitigated. The cheek of the lovely invalid glowed more brightly still with the hectic flush, and remorseless consump- tion preyed upon the delicate, attenuated frame. To her invalid friend Miss Allibone, from her own experience of ill- ness, as Avell as deep sympathy with her spiritual exercises, was able to minister most acceptable consolation. To Miss L. V. B. " I cannot tell you how sad I felt when I was informed of your illness, but I remembered that God is your Father and Friend, and committed you with confidence to His guardianship. My visit, brief as it was, afforded me much gratification, and I felt thankful to learn that you feel so peaceful, and were not alarmed by the symptoms which so suddenly attacked you. Fear not to encourage these blessed emotions of reliance upon God. You can honor him best by trusting Him simply and earnestly. I pray that He will give you grace to glorify Him by your faith and patience, now that they are thus tested. Cheerful endurance of pain, and the many privations attendant upon sickness, will be as acceptable to God as the most active service; but it is not passlvcli/ alone that you can prove your allegiance. Your worldly friends, who, amid the circles of fashion, would deem religion a gloomy and most unwelcome subject, will be 1843.] LETTERS. 319 glad that it irradiates the chamber of sickness, and when they come to visit you, will allow you to beg them to ' taste and see that the Lord is good.' "I would urge upon you great care of your health — implicit obedience to your physician's requests. This is a Christian duty, and you owe it to the anxious hearts around you, to the friends who would risk their lives to minister to your comfort. How much I should love to help nurse you, my precious Lucie ; but I hope, if it be our Father's will, you will not long require the aid of those who love you. Your situation is critical, but I have known so many persons who enjoy a tolerable degree of health after such attacks as yours, that I hope the best; but I say this selfishly, for 'to depart and to be with Christ is far better .' Oh ! I long to go to Hea- ven ! I would be glad to be 'by death's cold hand led home to God.'" * * * To the same. "It is a sad reflection that you, and my dear Pastor, and my cou- sin, Mrs. 0. (three of my best-loved friends), are in so delicate a state of health ; but I ought not to regret this, since * whom the Lord loveth He chasteneth,' and He so kindly gives you the consolations of His Spirit. I am selfish enough to hope, that if it be His plea- sure, I may enter the heavenly world before any of you shall be taken from me ; but I would rather my Heavenly Father should do with me as He sees best, for ' He doetli all things well.' " Lucie ! my beloved friend, how much I have thought of you during the past two weeks ! Emotions of sadness and of thankful- ness have succeeded each other. How very unhappy I should feel if I did not believe that you are a child of God ; that the Everlast- ing Arms will ever shelter you ! Fear not to exercise the most entire trust. I so much love the promise, ' Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will answer thee, and thou shalt glorify me.' Oh ! what a privilege to be permitted to glorify God, to prove His power to sustain, to be enabled to say to those around us, ' My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart, and my por- tion for ever !' Now that you feel weak, you will need ver)j simple trust in Jesus. I pray that it may be yours. Sometimes when I have been so debilitated, that I have been almost incapable of men- tal effort, I have felt as though God came to me, and 1 had scarcely to exert myself to go to Him. He pitieth us even as a kind father. I often think of dear old Bishop Moore's prayer, that ' when my pil- 820 LETTERS. [1843. low refused mc the repose I souglit, I mip;ht be permitted to rest upon, the bosom of Jesus.' " To a Ijadij. «'Oct. 22, 1843. '' I felt quite disappointed when I learned that you had gone so far away, dear Mrs. E., for I had hoped I should have been able to repeat my conviction that our Heavenly Father is -waiting to bestow His blessing on you, and to persuade you to accept these offers of mercy which are addressed to ymi as emphatically as though there were no other being in the world. ''I wished, too, to have given you the little tract I enclose, and was very glad to hear from your sister that she will be able to send it to you very soon. Need I apologize for the few lines which accompany it? Will you wonder that one who has enjoyed the Saviour's presence through years of suffering, in the hour of bereave- ment, and who can point to His blood as the atonement for her many sins, should remind you of His invitation, ' Come unto me, and I will give you rest.' " You will perhaps tell me, ' this rest is not for me ; my soul is not penetrated by contrition, nor does it overflow with love. I am not in a proper state of mind for the reception of spiritual blessings.' I am sorry that you do not repent more deeply, and love more fer- vently. I acknowledge that you have no worthy offering to brinof unto the Lord, but you are ' weary and heavy laden,' and therefore Jesus says to you, ' Come unto me.' You are fearful that you will be called into eternity whilst yet unreconciled to God. You dread his frown of displeasure when you shall stand at the judgment-seat, and you believe that in ijoir enr s^'iW sound the fearful sentence, 'Depart, ye cursed.' Oh! what a fearful doom! How justly dreaded by the guilty soul ! How awful the reflection that the wrath of God ahldcfh on him ' who believeth not !' " Oh ! go not to the world to shake off this fearful consciousness : foreet not that the endearments of domestic life are but for a season : that unsanctificd intellectual enjoyment is but a dream. But a little while will the period of probation continue; and then, unsupported by the arm of earthly affection, you must pass on to the untried realities of the eternal world. Oh ! then flee to the refuge set be- fore us. I care not what motive brings you to my Saviour, if you will only come. ' Him hath God exalted with His right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour to give repentance to Israel and forgiveness of sins.' So, then, your want of repentance is no just excuse for 1843.] LETTERS. 321 stayinp; away. This colclneps of heart will soon molt away when the love of God is shed abroad in your heart by the Holy Ghost. Seek then, His influences. If you cannot seek as you would, be not dis- couraged. If you can only lift up your eye to Heaven, there let it be fixed. If you can only say, ' God be merciful to me a sinner,' repeat the cry, though it be with a faltering tone. " Let me warn you with solemn earnestness against the spirit of indifference which, with icy grasp, would extinguish the motions of the Spirit. Let me beseech you to suffer not the excitement of new scenes, or even the most imperative duties of life to divert your attention from the solemn question which will soon be settled. Will you be a recipient of pardon and peace, of God's blessing in this world, and the everlasting smile of His love ; or will you coldly reject these mercies, and say unto Jesus, 'I will not come to Thee that I may have life.' I must just remind you that the invitation contained in the last chapter of Revelation is addressed not only to him that thirstcth, but to whomsoever will. "May God give you grace to give up every thing which grieves His Spirit, to seek entire conformity to the image of His Son, to consecrate your talents and affections to His service. I have written very plainly, as much so as though long acquaintance had entitled me to the privilege, but I do not think you will suspect me of a desire to dictate. Indeed, I feel that I am very unworthy, and would affectionately persuade you to trust in Him who proved to me so merciful. " It is not probable that upon earth we shall exchange a greeting, but I pray that we may meet in a world of light and love." "Oci 31si. — Late as it is, I must record the visit I have received from two aged servants of God, Mr. and Mrs. C, from Scotland. After Mr. C. had prayed most sweetly, I asked him what he thought the best means of growing in grace. With inimitable simplicity of manner he replied, 'Grow downward,' and remarked, 'We grow most in grace when we most deeply feel our nothingness.' Heavenly Father, wilt Thou, for Jesus' sake, bless to my soul this counsel, so much in accordance with Thy Word. Last Sun- day, and the two Sundays previous, I was at church, and the last time received the Communion with great comfort. When 322 LETTERS. [1843. I I'eflect upon my own sinfulness, and the amazing mercy I have received, not only in the redemption of my soul by the blood of Jesus, but in the communion I am permitted to enjoy with my Father in Heaven, I feel that ' He leadeth sinners in the way.' " To J. n. S. "I think, my dear cousin, our Heavenly Father has been very kind to have thus placed you under such healthful influences, and you cannot imagine how earnest is my desire that you may be a very eminent Christian, only satisfied with the best gifts. There is so much danger of lowering the Christian standard — of learning to look upon religion as one of the needful things, rather than as the ' one thing needful,' that I think of you and Robert with constant solici- tude ; though I trust our Father in Heaven will enable you to ' press towards the mark.' " Dear Howard, I trust that the service of your God will ever be your recreation, and that you will make His glory your constant aim. I often think of Dr. Bedell's advice, ' Keep up the same earnestness and strife in religion as if you knew yourself to be in a state of na- ture.' If we were to seek sanctification as earnestly as we implored the pardon of our sins, how rapidly we might progress ! Oh, ray dear cousin, let us pray for more grace, let us seek entire sincerity and holy earnestness, — above all, simple faith in Jesus. " If you should become a clergyman, I want you to take your divine Master and His Apostles for your model. I would not that by you any Christian heart should be made heavy, as mine has some- times been, by the inconsistency of Jhose who ought to be examples of all that is lovely and of good report. And yet it has often been my privilege to see the Redeemer's image impressed upon those who teach His truth, and I often return grateful thanks for their refresh- ing counsel. * * * To R. S. "Dec. 28, 1843. " I have not been in debt to you very long, dear Robert, but I feel desirous that you should receive an assurance of our sj^uipathy with your new hopes, and our thankfulness to the Father of the f\itherless for having, as I trust, adopted you into His family. I was not surprised by the arrival of this good news, for I felt so much faith and enlargement in prayer for you that I expected some bless- ing was in store. * * * . . 1843.] ENCOURAGEMENT. 323 '' When gave her heart to her Heavenly Father, slie prayer- fully resolved that no one who belonged not to His family should ever be regarded as her dearest friend, and I trust this resolve will be also yours, dear liobert. It will be in compliance with some very decided injunctions of Scripture, and I trust this blessed volume will ever be ' a lamp unto your feet, and a light unto your path.' I do not suppose that this subject is one of peculiar interest to you, but it is well to have decided views. "Jan. Qth — I have been unwillingly compelled to postpone until now th-e completion of my letter. The close of the year was accom- panied by many feelings of deep solemnity, much regret that I had not more rapidly progressed in spiritual knowledge, and an earnest desire to realize more entirely the value of the immortal souls around me, the love of our crucified Redeemer, my unworthiness of so much mercy, and my obligation to consecrate every affection and energy to Him whose goodness leads us to repentance. " My dear cousin, no words can express the desire I feel that you should be entirely devoted to His service. Tears of mingled grati- tude to God, and interest in your welfare, fill my eyes, and many prayers for you ascend to our Father in Heaven. Yes, dear Robert, He is our Father, orphans as we are, and will give us better gifts than the most tender earthly parents can bestow. Let us then trea- sure no feelings of sadness, but with cheerful confidence pour out our hearts in prayer and praise. How comprehensive the injunction contained in the 13th verse of the 5th chapter of James ! How much would its uniform observance restrain the excess of mirth and despondency. There is so much danger of forgetting our Heavenly Father when we are very glad or very sorrowful ! " You speak, dear Robert, of an increasing realization of your un- worthiness, and of the deep depravity of your nature, and this I hope is a good ^ign. Dr. Bedell used to say that the dust and cob- webs which may have accumulated in a darkened room, are only dis- covered when light is admitted ; and so when the Holy Spirit shines into the sinner's mind, he discerns the corruption which has been always there, but of which the darkness of an unregenerate mind has kept him in ignorance. Oh that the axe may be laid to the root of every sinful propensity, for there is no safety but in deep humility and self-distrust ! But if we look on?}/ to our hearts, we shall learn not only sinful doubts but utter despair. We must not forget that 'the blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth from all sin,' and that 'no extremity of guilt or misery can come up to Christ's nitermost.' 'He 324 ENCOURAGEMENT. [1843. is able to save to the uttermost all them that come to God by Him, seeing He ever livelli to make intercession for us.' Dear Robert, pray over these promises, and with ' the shield of faith quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.' " You say you feel almost tempted sometimes to regret the solemn step you have taken. Would it not be better, my dear cousin, only to regret that you did not more fully realize its responsibility, and earnestly pray for grace to discharge it, now that it is incurred ? I know it is your desire 'to be faithful until death,' and if you will only look unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our ftiith,' He will enable you to resist every temptation. In meditation upon His word and character you will find the spiritual joy you so much desire. I trust you will find that ' the joy of the Lord is your strength.' * "I pray that you may be directed into the path which the Lord has appointed you. If His glory be your aim, His will your guide, He will cause you to ' hear a voice behind you, saying. This is the way, walk ye in it.' I should be delighted to learn that you had determined to be a herald of the Cross, but would not dictate in so important a matter, though I have often prayed that this may be your privilege, if it be our Father's will. I would not that you should make this choice without a very decided impression of duty. I will often pray that you may be guided aright. I feel for you a sister's interest, and wish you to give me a brother's confidence. ***<th, she said, ' My sweet promises, they have never failed me since I first loved them,' and directed my attention to a passage she had marked long ago, ' My flesh and my heart faileth, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.' " l-Uh. — I spoke to her of the beautiful places I had seen in riding, this afternoon. Her response was, ' He shows, beyond these mortal shores, A bright inheritance as ours, Where saints in light our coming wait, To share their holy, happy state.' 31* 366 NOTES. [1846. " 18f7t. — This morning she seemed so pleased in looking over the hymns in her Prayer-Book. She said, 'It seems like visiting a circle of old friends. What a blessed thing religion is ! Every thing connected with it is so delightful.' Spoke of the hymn, 'When languor and disease invade,' and repeated the lines, ' Sweet to lie passive in His hands, And know no will but His.' Another hymn she mentioned as one of her favorites, and associated with the Neshamony: ' Far from the world, 0 Lord, I flee, From strife and tumult far, From scenes where Satan wages still, His most successful war. ' 0, if thy Spirit teach the soul, And grace her mean abode — Then, with what peace, and joy, and love. She communes with her God !' "19^7j. — Very sick to-day, — more fever than usual, and extreme pain. This morning, when I spoke of her symptoms, her reply was, ' I don't regret it, I feel very happy. Pity me for being a sinner, not for being a sufferer.' " From her Diary. '-'•July 1\tli. — Again received the Holy Communion. I wish the disciples of our Saviour, who are unable to receive this ordinance in the sanctuary, would commemorate the Re- deemer's dying love in that place where its realization is so precious, — the chamber of sickness. ^'■Sept. 2d. — 'Lord, I have loved the habitation of Thy house, and the place where Thine honor dwelleth,' but now, I ' remember Thee on my bed,' and love to be fed with ' hid- den manna.' " 1846.] NOTES. 367 Notes. " Susan repeated Col. i. 11-14. I remarked, -when she concluded, ' Can you say, " with joyfulness" ?' She replied that she could. " 25i;/i. — Speaking of the comfort her nurse was to her, she seemed to think it was almost too good to continue, but she added, ' Your Heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.' " She said she did not hope to live till next week, — that she had no wish about it. She repeated, ' My times are in Thy hand, My God, I wish them there.' Spoke of not feeling any more gloomy about death and the grave, than about going out in her coach. She mentioned to Sarah an instance of a person who was asked what she thought of the grave, and who answered that she had no thought of it ; and when inquired of what she thought of death, said it seemed like sinking into the arms of Jesus. She said to Sarah, ' The grave is only a place of deposit for the body until the Resurrection.' " Wednesday. — She felt too happy, she said, for any thing to be a burden, and spoke of being in a resting, peaceful state of mind. " 22^^. — ' No, it is not wonderful, because our Heavenly Father keeps me in peace.'' Spoke of the pleasant times she had when shut up alone. " Friday. — ' It would be very ungrateful for me to be anxious about any thing.' Spoke of worldly anxiety being caused by want of faith. Remarked that peace was pro- mised, as well as safety, repeating, ' The joy of the Lord is your strength.' " She thought that when persons who had been remarkably spiritual became less so, it was by not attending to the checks of -conscience, by being occupied so as to neglect self-cxami- 368 NOTES. [1846. nation, by yielding to small temptations, and not going at once for mercy under a sense of having done Avrong. ^''Wednesday. — 'It never casts a shade over my mind, to think of dying.' The only feeling it awakened was to make her wish to he more devoted. '■'■Thursday. — Speaking of yesterday she remarked, 'Just to have the door shut, and go right to praying, is joy to my heart, and balm to my soul.' '■'■Sunday. — 'Religion appears to me more and more sim- ple. Come to Jesus Christ as we are, to be made what we ought to be.' " She admired the delicate and beautiful manner in which Dr. M. announced the closing scene to Ann , by saying, 'Annie, vital spark of heavenly flame,' and as he proceeded, poor A. united with him. " When we spoke of dear Sue's sufferings, she said they had been great, but her consolations greater. Spoke of being impressed with the necessity of holiness. She said those lines had been much in her mind : ' I need the influence of Thy grace, To speed me on my -way ; Lest I should loiter in the race, Or turn my steps away.' " Tuesday. — She spoke of preferring great suffering to feeling angry. So much more does she dread sin than pain. In reference to her feelings, ' What should I do without a Saviour to rest upon, these restless nights ?' She says that when the Bible commands us to be meek, it is such a comfort to know that God commands nothing which He is not willing to give us strength to perform. Speaking of books, she said, ' If I had not counted all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, I should not have been able to give up my studies.' " This afternoon I read part of that sweet little volume, "Perfect Peace,' to her. She entered most feelingly into its 1846.] NOTES. 369 touching narrative. It is a work peculiarly calculated to meet licr views, and gratify her taste. " The result of a visit from seemed to gratify her. She had desired with unusual anxiety an interview with . She felt it a delicate matter to urge upon him the claims of religion ; she thought, ' Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight' — 'Lord, I am but a child.' The Lord did not only direct her in the performance of the duty, but granted a willingness on His part to accept the effort, and acknowledge it with emotion, and demonstrations of affection. " Speaking of the interest manifested in her affliction, I remarked that she was ' the prisoner of the Lord.' Sister F. said, 'kept in prison to set others free.' " Spoke of her joy, this morning. She felt no anxiety to be better, nor any fear of death. She said it was well to spend money upon religious books, as, even if they were lost, they might be doing good somewhere. She said the copy of Nelson's 'Cause and Cure of Infidelity,' which was a blessing to had gone upon a missionary tour. This volume she bought with money intended for a guard-chain, which she did not feel easy to purchase. " ' There is no privation connected with my sickness that I feel so much, as inability to read the Bible.' She spoke of the 23d Psalm as being one of the most refreshing portions of the whole Bible to her. One morning she repeated, ' For we are willing, rather, to be absent from the body, and pre- sent with the Lord,' ' For we thus judge that if One died for all, then were all dead ; and that He died for all, that they which live should henceforth not live unto themselves, but unto Him who died for them and rose again.' ^'■Sunday morning. — She said she was not sorry to have a chill, for it was only one step down the steps she had to go, and when she reached the last, she hoped to go up. Spoke with admiration of the passage, ' I sat under His shadow with Y 370 LETTERS. [1846. great delight, and His fruit was sweet to my taste,' and men- tioned, ' In the multitude of my thoughts within me, Thy comforts delight my soul.' " Spoke of having two such kind nurses, and such a com- passionate High Priest. She is very anxious to improve the Sabbath, and to enjoy this sacred season in spiritual affec- tions." To Mrs. J. " I thank you most affectionately, my dear Mrs. J., for your unex- pected and most welcome letter. I number your affection among my richest treasures, and am truly thankful you have given so large a share to one who feels herself so unworthy of any blessing. I have a heart full of kind things to say to you, but must reserve their ex- pression until we meet, if, indeed, your premonitions be verified. Christian intercourse is indeed one of the most exalted privileges which our Heavenly Father grants His children ; and, like you, I rejoice in the reflection, that ' Angels, and living saints, and dead, But one communion make.' ' For we are come to Mount Zion.' I love the present tense of the Bible. " I have not improved physically since I saw you, but still believe that I have an all-sufficient Saviour, who is indeed the balm of Gilead and the physician ; therefore I feel no anxiety in reference to the measure and continuance of my sulFerings. My Father's hand will never cause His child a needless tear. I enjoy great peace of mind. I feel grieved that I have not improved this discipline as I should have done ; and trust that you, who have ever been so kind a Chris- tian friend, will pray earnestly that I may learn every lesson our Heavenly Father would teach me. Pray, too, that the spirit of sup- plication may be granted me, that I may comply with your request with reference to dear little . Kiss him, and little S., and J., for me, and tell them that I trust they will be among the lambs of Jesus' fold. If they now learn of Him, He will make them ' meek and lowly of heart.' Give a message of warm affection to J. J. " That the Lord may bless thee and keep thee, and cause His face to shine upon the&f is the sincere prayer of your affectionate "Susan." 1846.] LETTERS. 371 To Miss E. " I anticipate your promised visit. Since I have been so very sick, I have felt increased enjoyment in Christian intercourse, and have often wished for you. I love to talk with you, because the Saviour's name is always to you a welcome sound, and because I trust we both desire to sit for ever at His feet, and learn of Him, and that the Holy Spirit may show us the height, and length, and breadth of His love. What a comfort is it to know that God is able to do for us exceeding abundantly above all that we can ask or think ; to show us great and mighty things which we know not ! I cannot express to you the value of ' the peace which passeth understanding/ and how great a consolation it is to trust simply in the all-sufficient merits of the Saviour. I rejoice that I am ' accepted in the Be- loved ;' that the Father loves me for His sake. I have never done, nor said, nor thought, any thing which does not require the cleansing of His blood ; but His is a finished atonement, a finished righteous- ness; and I rest satisfied upon it with security and peace. ' In my band no price I bring.' " Much I feel that I need a deeper work of grace, and trust you will pray for me as one who 'has not already attained.' It may be that my continuance in this world of probation may be very brief. I would learn more rapidly, but what I wish to learn is only Jesus ! Jesus ! Jesus !" To 3Ir. J. " Hamiltonville, Sept. 26, 1846. " Will you not accept this book, my dear Mr. J. ? * * * My heart warmed towards you, when I learned how deep is your solici- tude that those most dear to you should more attentively regard the interests of eternity. I am sure the Holy Spirit has excited this desire, and I trust He will grant its fulfilment. Sincerely do I hope that a work of grace has commenced in your heart, which will result in the confession of a crucified Saviour. " If you doubt your preparation for this solemn step, surely you can come ta Jesus for the repentance and faith you need. How freely His blood atones for our transgression, and how sufficient is His grace for the supply of our spiritual necessities ! When light from Heaven makes visible the darkness of our nature, we deeply realize that we have no strength nor righteousness of our own, and rejoice that Jesus becomes, to the believer, 'wisdom, righteousness, 372 LETTERS. [1846. sanctitication and redemption.' Oh, what a soul-sustaining truth is this ! the only one on which we can build enduring hope. How it cheered me, when I felt that I was a sinner, unable to help myself, and how calmly have I reposed upon it, during many years of physi- cal suffering ! " Is this the resting-place of your spirit, my dear friend ? If so, hasten to number yourself among the professed disciples of the Re- deemer, and to participate in the ordinances appointed by His wis- dom and His love. '' But if you cannot yet claim this privilege, oh ! come at once to Him who will 'in no wise cast out.' Oh, do not wait. E. tells me you are not willing to commence alone the path that leads to Hea- ven, but are disposed to linger till she is prepared to accompany you. The requisitions of the Gospel demand instant obedience, and in at once complying with them, you can better hope for a blessing upon those you love. I would not seem presuming, but feel impelled to offer you an expression of Christian sympathy, for I feel assured, the still small voice of the Spirit is whispering in your heart. God has said, ' My Spirit shall not always strive.' " May I not hope that this unexpected communication may be deemed worthy of reply ? That you and your beloved family may receive every spiritual blessing shall be the continued prayer of yours, S. A." Notes. "Oct. lltJi. — Speaking of one of the comparisons in Scrip- ture, 'Just think,' said she, 'what a glorious reality that must be which is illustrated by so many types.' " To-day she has had much pleasure in anticipating ' the Association,' and in confidence of a blessing attending it. Spoke of our having no misgivings when we look to God only, and thought it would be very strange, if a traveller always looked at the dusty road, instead of the bright skies. "Looking at dear Dr. Clark*^s likeness, she said it re- minded her, ' Lo ! what a cloud of witnesses Encompass us around ; Men once, like us, with suffering tried, But now with glory crowned ;" 1846.] NOTES. 373 and said that his memory was enshrined in her heart. She said that his Christian character was high in its heights, and deep in its depths. " In reference to Mr. 's sermon, in which the doctrine of the imputed righteousness of Christ was denied, she said, ' I hope I shouhl rather be carried to the stake, from this sick bed, than subscribe to that sermon. "Mentioning the lines, * The hill of Zion yields A thousand sacred sweets, Before we reach the Heavenly fields. Or walk the golden streets/ she spoke with animation of the present enjoyment of religion. '■^Nov. \st. — This evening, was reading aloud the Memoirs of Isabella Campbell, and approaching the closing hours of her life, I suggested that it would be best to discontinue read- ing. Susan replied, ' I cannot make people understand that there is nothing gloomy in the thought of death.' She has spoken, on several occasions, of receiving the Communion again. She had a delightful visit and prayer from Bishop Potter, the evening he preached at the series of services. "iVbv. 4^7i. — Her symptoms have been more discouraging, but she is kept in a state of wonderful submission. F. last night concluded reading the Memoir of Isabella Campbell, with which she was much delighted. A verse quoted in it seemed to express her feelings : ' Let others boast of merit now, But merit I have none, I'm justified for Jesus' sake, I'm saved by grace alone.' "How many opportunities occur for Susan to labor for the Cause ! A little girl seemed struck with a visit she paid her, and will, I trust, be influenced by her advice. To-morrow, or next day, it will be seven years since she walked down stairs." 32 374 LETTERS. [1846. To R. S. "Nov. 21, 1846. * * * " That your faith and weakness are tested, in the posi- tion in which you are placed, I am not surprised to hear. In every trial I trust God will give you grace to prove yourself, not only a 'soldier of the Cross,' but a 'follower of the Lamb.' For the aid you have received I am truly thankful, and I doubt not the circum- stances to which you evidently allude are among the ' all things which shall work together for your good.' In your efforts to glorify your Heavenly Father, you must expect the opposition of His enemies, and tenderly as I love you, I would far rather that you should take up the Cross and press onward, than shrink from so needful a con- test ; and yet, my dear cousin, I trust the enemies of your Saviour may have nothing to say against you, ' excepting as concerning the law of your God.' I should not wonder if it were your privilege to win them to His service. I pray that it may be thus, and I feel strong confidence that strength will be made perfect in your weak- ness. Very cordially can I offer you the language of encouragement. May ' The Rock that is higher' than you be your shelter and shade. Ever plead the promises with faith and holy importunity, trusting simply in Jesus. I feel quite an interest in the young man of whom you speak, and hope I shall not forget to pray for him. Tell him always of the Saviour's dying love, let him read of the garden of Gethsemane and Calvary's Cross, and pray for grace to realize that this suffering was for him. I will try to pray earnestly for a bless- ing on your prayer-meeting and the College. " I trust, in all your efforts for the present and future extension of the Gospel, you will teach truth in its entire simplicity, maintain- ing the blessed doctrine of imputed righteousness which I know is most dear to your heart. If the testimony of a pardoned sinner, and a sufferer who has been consoled, can be of any value, most joyfully I give mine — that this is a soul-sustaining truth. I feel assured, dear Robert, that you will preach this doctrine clearly, and therefore I bid you ' God speed' in all your preparation for the ministry. You would not know what to say when you entered the pulpit, if you could not dwell upon the finished righteousness of Christ." CHAPTER XVIII. 1847. Conversational Remarks — Letters: to Relatives: to an Invalid: to a Fatherless Daughter: to ^Y. A. N. — Estimate of Archbishop Leigh- ton — Mystical Writers — Letter to Bishop Potter — Letter of Cau- tion to a Young Disciple : to Mrs. Bedell — Recollections of Dr. B. — St. Andrew's — Flattery- — Visitors — Adaptation to all Classes — Henry Clay's Visit and Conversation — Correspondence with Mr. Clay. JVotes. ^^ Jan. 1st, 1847. — Dear S. seemed, yesterday, deeply to realize its being the last day of the year. Speaking of the first Sunday in the year, she thought it should be observed as a day of thanksgiving. ' How pleasant it is,' she said, ' to leave the future calmly and unreservedly in the hands of our Heavenly Father !' All we have to do in sickness, is to live by the hour. " She spoke of the kindness of our Heavenly Father, that He had not given us the spirit of fear, but of love, and of a sound mind. She found much pleasure in listening to ' Theron and Aspasia.' " " Jan. ^d. — S. spoke of resignation to all the circum- stances of sickness ; repeated the lines : ' When I can trust my all with God, In trial's fearful hour, Bow all resigned, beneath His rod, j And feel Ilis quickening powei ; A joy springs up amid distress, A fountain in the wilderness.' When I spoke of the promise that ' all things shall work to- gether for good to them that love God,' she said ' That is (375) 376 NOTES. [1846. one of the truths upon which my soul rests.' Speaking of my great solicitude, she remarked, ' Just try to honor God by not being so anxious.' "After the visits of Mrs. and Miss , she seemed to feel that there was a great deal worth living for, when we could tell of the way of salvation. When conversing on the subject of making effort, she seemed convinced that Chris- tians were often afraid of bringing themselves into dis- repute. " Dear S. seems so elevated by near communion with the Saviour, that she can count all things but loss, in comparison with His will and service. She observed, ' It is right to choose our acquaintance rather by Providence, than by taste.' She thinks the danger of marrying an irreligious person so great, that she would rather be cast into a dungeon, than be thus brought into the house of an agreeable and intellectual man. "When speaking of Dr. S. she said that one of the desires of her heart had been gratified. ' It is so sweet,' she said, ' to have a pious physician !' Had read part of ' The Night of Weeping,' and after it was concluded, Susan addressed the throne of grace most touchingly. She praised the Lord for chastisement ; desired that we might travel as a family of faith to a home of glory, and eaiaiestly sought for us the graces that we need. " She spoke once of her situation being one in which she saw some of the best developments of kindly feeling. Who could help loving the patient, lowly sufferer ! " She one day remarked, ' I do not think the plan of salva- tion ever appeared to me so beautifully simple as since I have been sick, and have lived upon it in every way.' ^"Feh. — Spoke of the promises as being little cities of refuge for the mind. She spoke this evening of tlie Saviour having borne our griefs and carried our sorrow!, and that there was no necessity for carrying them ourselves 1847.] LETTERS. 377 '■'■Feh. 2GtJi. — Spoke of our ingratitude for our mercies. E. mentioned sometliing in reference to the ordinances last niglit, and Susan then dwelt upon the importance of their observance, adducing Scripture proof of their being com- manded. Spoke of St. Andrew's being the spot she loves best on earth." To her jSister and Cousin. " March 4th, 1847. " I must say a few words of love to two of my best and dearest friends, who surely have no common claim to my gratitude and affection, and to whom I would most gladly return some of the kind offices I have received. It seems to be designed that I should be the recipient of favors rather than the one who bestows them ; and how abundantly are they granted me by my Heavenly Father, and the earthly friends into whose hearts he pours so much love. I think gratitude rather than submission is the grace I am most called upon to exercise, and yet both are needful, and for both I am depend- ent upon Almighty grace. * * * " I feel very grateful to you, my dear sister, for the unfailing ten- derness you have manifested during the many years of sickness which have called into exercise your nursing qualifications. Oh, that the balm of Gilead may be richly poured upon your spirit, and that you may ever simply rely upon the compassion of Him who is touched with a feeling of our infirmities ! That soul will be filled with love which delights to contemplate redeeming mercy, and brighter light will dawn upon his path whose eye is fixed upon the Sun of Righteousness." * * * To J. H. S. ♦'Greenwood, March 27, 1847. "A letter to you has been in my heart this long time, my dear cousin, and as sister F.'s pen is now ready to transmit my thoughts, I trust you will soon receive an assurance that you are not quite for- gotten. ■* * * " Your eulogium upon Henry Martyn's character gives me also an opportunity of descanting upon one of my greatest favorites. The enthusiastic feelings with which, in my school-girl days, I regarded some favorite military hero, I have since transferred to this valiant soldier of the Cross. Since I read his life, I have felt as though I had formed another friendship for eternity; but in saying this, 1 32* 378 LETTERS. [1847. must look from him and from myself to my Saviour, or I should have no hope of being with him there. " I thank you for recording some of Dr. S.'s remarks. You ought to return thanks every day for your privileges; you will need their influence in future life. I am glad to hear that your efforts on your stations have received some encouragement. I hope you will be the instrument of much good, even before you assume ministerial vows. * * * " Sister F. is my reader and amanuensis. "We have at last finished Plervey's * Theron and Aspasia.' The style is redundant, but it is certainly a most profitable work. It would be well to recommend it to one who is beginning to inquire, ' What is Truth V It brings a powerful array of Scripture arguments to prove the doctrine of im- puted righteousness. " I am much obliged to you for associating me with wild flowers. I certainly love them very much, and you can scarcely imagine how much pleasure they have given me since I have been unable to gather them. Do you remember Wilberforce's remark, that 'flowers were the smiles of Providence'? But this is one of my favorite subjects, — and I must abruptly change it for an expression of my very warm afi"ection for my dear Howard, who is daily remembered in the prayers of his cousin SuSAN." To a Yovnt/ Ladi/, iclio aftcricards died of Consumption. "■ You have come to our village an invalid and a stranger, dear Miss H . My heart is full of affectionate sympathy for you and your devoted parents. I hope very much that you will be able to come and see me, that I may express my interest more fully than I can do through the medium of my sister's pen, for I am unable to use my own. How much I should love to tell you how kindly the good Shepherd of Israel has guided me through the years of suffer- ing, His wisdom and love have seen needful to inflict. It is only in ' looking unto Jesus' that we can find consolation in the hour of need ; and sincerely I hope that you are enabled to lift the eye of faith to this compassionate Redeemer, who hath 'borne our griefs and carried our sorrows,' and on whom the Lord 'hath laid the ini- quity of us all.' The interesting memoir I send you is an encour- aging exemplification of Ilis power to sustain under the most painful circumstances. It was written by my former Pastor, wlio was warmly attached to this lovely young Christian. I send you my favorite flower — the lily of the valley Will you not gratify me by using 1847.] LETTERS. 379 the little carriage, in which I formerly rode through the village, and often visited the woods ? You must employ a careful person to draw you : the curtains will shelter you from the sun, and I think you will find the exercise useful. But I must not weary you. Accept my thanks for the kind offering of yesterday and believe me, with prayerful interest, sincerely yours. To a Friend. " M , dear M , what can I say to comfort you in this your great bereavement — the loss of such a father as few could lose, this is iqdeed a dark cloud upon the sunshine of your young days. You are not accustomed to sorrow, and God only can enable you to bear it. I trust His Word will be your refuge, and there you will find the merciful invitation, ' Wilt thou not from this time cry unto me, My Father, thou art the guide of my youth.' ' From this time 1' How suitable the expression — now that your heart, which has reposed so fondly upon a father's love, will yearn in vain for big affectionate caress, his faithful counsel and his tender guardianship. Oh ! M., I wished you to have given your heart to God before the hour of sorrow came, but I trust you will now listen to the whisper- ings of that still small voice which speaks to you in the silence of your desolated home. Oh, that the blessed Spirit may reprove you of sin, of righteousness and of judgment to come ! Oh, that He may cause your heart to feel all of which your understanding is con- vinced, and apply to your wounded spirit that healing which the lowly and contrite can alone receive. And then, my dear M., you will indeed find that there is ' oil of joy for mourning, and the gar- ment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.' Oh, that your chamber may be the scene of holy communion with the Most High ! Surely He has listened to the earnest supplications of your departed father, and in answer to these prayers He has sent the strivings of His Spirit, without whose aid you could not seek Him. But remember that it is the promise of our Saviour, ' Him that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out.' He who thirsts for salvation must come to the Fountain of living waters ; he who would receive the Holy Spirit's influences must ask, must seek, must knock with earnest im- portunity. How gladly would I hasten to you, dear , that I might weep with you, pray with you and tell you of a Saviour's love. I offer you a sister's sympathy, and it is the sympathy of an orphan whose heart has been broken and bound up. I need not say that I 380 LETTERS. [1847. feci much for your poor mother. How painfully she must realize the absence of the employment that has occupied her so long ! The sufferings she was so anxious to alleviate are endured no more ; the weary is at rest ; the pilgrim has arrived at home. Your sister told me he loved so much to talk of the patriarchs : how much more would he tell us of them now ! Surely they must have gladly wel- comed so congenial a spirit. That Saviour whom he trusted so con- fidingly he now beholds with unclouded vision. He is satisfied, for he has awaked with His likeness." To W. A. W. »' Sept. 7th, 1847. "A very long time has elapsed since I have addressed a letter to my dearest W., and the last I wrote was one of earnest persuasion to come to that blessed Saviour who is now so precious to my darling boy. I cannot say, 'I thank my God upon every remembrance of you,' but many fervent thanksgivings have ascended to that kind Heavenly Father who has received my heart's cherished treasure into the covenant of mercy. Before this rich gift of grace was granted, I committed you in faith to Him who answers prayer, and with much more confidence I can now entrust your temporal and eternal interests to His keeping. Not for ourselves only, but for our friends also it is indeed ' Sweet on Ills faithfulness to rest, Whose love can never end, Sweet on the covenant of grace, For all things to depend. ' Sweet in the confidence of faith. To trust Ilis^rm decrees, Sweet to lie passive in His hands. And know no will but His.' " May this be ever our experience, dear "W. ! We shall then realize the fulfilment of the promises : ' He shall dwell on high ; his place of defence shall be the munition of rocks.' ' Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee.' Oh, how much more desirable is this holy tran- quillity of spirit than all the excitement of earthly pleasure ! But we have both been taught that it can be only enjoyed when we turn away from our sinful selves, and rest only in the Lord our righteous- ness. 1 often think of the pleasant hours we have passed to"-ether. 1847.] LETTERS. 381 I have not listened to our beloved Leifrhton since those Sunday afternoons. If my library were to be confined to but thi-ee books, Archbishop Leighton's works should certainly be one of them. There are many volumes which speak very eloquently of the beauty of holiness, and prescribe various rules for its attainment, but I do not think any uninspired author equals him in directing the attention to the Sun of Righteousness, as the only source from whom the believer can receive light and heat. I do not like those mystical religious writings which present beautiful theories,- but are too abstract in their theology. A book of this kind is Upham's ' Hidden Life,' which dwells much upon the precious doctrine of assurance, but teaches us to look for its evidence rather in inherent holiness than in the imputed righteousness of Christ, appropriated by faith and sealed to His disciple by the spirit of adoption, enabling him to call God Father, not because he is any thing in himself, but because he is Christ's, and Christ is God's. " How glad I would have been if my dearest boy could have been with us when Bishop Potter administered the communion about ten days since. Do not forget to return thanks to our Heavenly Father for the spiritual comfort he vouchsafed me. I have often thought that if communion with our God be a test of the acceptableness of any service, I have this proof that these holy memorials are received in accordance with His will, and glad I am that our Church does not deprive the invalid of this privilege. I wish our dear cousins could have been with us. I had an interesting conversation with the Bishop quite alone. He dwelt upon the hidden life, — of the necessity of having the kingdom of Christ within us. It seems to pain him greatly that so little property is consecrated to the exten- sion of the Gospel, and thinks the subject should be presented very impressively. I begin to feel encouraged about the Bucks County church. There is light in the horizon, but nothing definite has been yet attempted, so I will only say. Pray much upon this subject, dear W. I do not see how missionary interest could be better expended. Sister has been reading to me a delightful volume of Henry Martyn's letters. The record of his last journey is deeply affecting. Oh, that his missionary spirit were ours ! Oh, that we may pray as he did, though we be not required to prove our zeal by the self-sacrifice he endured ! I think it very needful to read the life of missionaries, and to make every effort to acquire intelligence of this kind. Even at home let this be our motto : 'As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men.' " * * * 382 LETTERS. [1847. To Right Rev. Bishop Potter. " Since the sympathy and counsel I have received from you, Et. Rev. Sir, are a sufficient proof that the more public duties of your sacred office do not render you unmindful of the lame of the fold, I need not fear that my epistolary visit will engross too many moments of your valuable time. "I shall never forget the emotions which were excited by our first interview. The election of our Bishop had been to me a subject of deep solicitude and earnest prayer, and as I already believed our Heavenly Father had sent you to us as a gift of love, I was prepared to welcome you with no ordinary pleasure. But when you spoke vyith such heartfelt interest of our Redeemer's love, and commended me to the continued guardianship of the Great Shepherd of Israel, I felt as though a kind pastor were with me, and since then have numbered you among my valued friends. " Your last visit was still more welcome than any I have been privileged to enjoy, for then you came to me not with words of com- fort and the prayer of faith alone, but with the holy memorials which remind me how confidently I may rely upon the finished work of Him who is ' all my salvation and all my desire.' I did indeed 'feed upon Christ in my heart, by faith with thanksgiving;' and how kindly does the Father of mercies continually refresh my soul with this 'hidden manna' ! it is indeed my daily bread. Will you not pray that I may be taught ' the breadth, and length, and depth and height of the love of Christ' ? * * * u\ often think of the remark of a cousin, whose depart- ing moments were unusually interesting : ' Caesar covered himself with his robes that he might die with decency, but I am clothed with the robe of Christ's righteousness.' * * * " My brother has placed your engraving in my room, and it often reminds me to lift up my heart in supplication for our beloved Bishop. Indeed, I have sometimes felt a spirit of prayer for you that has almost surprised me. I know your position is one of labor and of responsibility, which you deeply realize. Oh ! that the Captain of our salvation, at whose bidding you are placed upon the outposts of Zion, may so richly anoint you with the Spirit that you may ever with uncompromising fidelity defend the doctrines of the Cross, and whilst with unshaken hand you support its banner, may its blessed consolations be poured into your bosom !" * * * 1847.] LETTERS. 383 To a Young Christian. " Although I am now always involved in epistolary debt, I am not unmindful of the claims of my friends; and of yours, dear R., I have thought very often. I have long wished to answer your con- fiding and affectionate letter, that I might elicit another communica- tion from your pen, but I cannot always command both strength and leisure for the dictation of my letters. I will not, however, occupy my sister's pen with a very formal apology, for this you will not re- quire from an invalid, and I hope I shall soon receive an assurance that you do not intend to be a ceremonious correspondent, but will write very often to one who loves you for your father's sake. I am glad your memory still retains his counsels, for they were of no ordi- nary character. Let us ever learn of the same Saviour who taught him so much. What a blessed attainment is conformity to the image of Jesus ! Whilst it elevates the intellect, purifies the aff'ections, and sanctifies the taste, it takes away pride, and gives tranquillity to the spirit. I feel truly thankful that our Heavenly Father's great love has induced you, my dear friend, to seek this blessing. I trust the example of other Christians will never be your standard of duty, but that, in 'looking unto Jesus,' the Author and Finisher of our faith, you will become so like this meek and lowly Saviour, that you will ever be recognised as his disciple. Oh that heavenly grace may be your shield against the temptations from which your retirement from society has in some measure sheltered you ! When your friends would solicit you to revisit scenes of gaiety, may you ever remember that the children of God have been taught to ofier the petition, 'Lead us not into temptation.' Our hearts are so sinful, the enemy of our souls so vigilant, and the varied circumstances of every-day life so full of spiritual danger, that it is useless, indeed, to expose ourselves to any unnecessary test of Christian principle. I often think of a resolution formed by my youngest sister, in the commence- ment of her religious life, that she would read no books upon which she could not ask the blessing ofrher Heavenly Father. Would it not be well to apply this rule, not to our reading only, but all the pursuits of life ? The disciples of Jesus must dare to be singular. It is melancholy, indeed, that they so often forget this solemn truth. We sometimes look in vain for the cross our Saviour has told them they must bear. Oh that God may give you grace, dear R., to ' lay aside every weight.' I am glad you enjoy peace of mind, for this is a blessed preservative against spiritual declension. When the eye 384 LETTERS. [1847. of faith is fixed upon the Saviour, the allurements of the world are forgotten. " Oh that the blessing promised to those who ' hunger and thirst after righteousness/ may be yours ! As my departed Pastor once remarked to me, ' The promise is not that you are filled, but that you shall be.' How sweet is the assurance, ' With joy you shall draw water out of the wells of salvation.' I trust you will never re- pair to the broken cisterns of unsanctified affection. How many young Christians have been thus induced to forsake the fountain of living waters ! I think it so important to form decided opinions on this subject before the afiections are engaged. It would be sorrow- ful, indeed, to be united upon earth to one with whom we could not hope to enter heaven. You will think I am disposed to avail myself of the privilege you have given me. " I need not again express my sympathy for your bereavement. You speak of it as one who has suffered, and been comforted. How kind it was in the Father of mercies to grant dear E.'s friends the consolation of knowing that His Spirit was speaking to her heart ! Remember me kindly to your mother and brother. Ask T. if he is striving to serve the God of his father, if his Saviour's love has washed away his sins ? * * * I shall be disappointed if I do not receive a letter from you. It will be gladly welcomed by your affectionate friend, S. A." To Mrs. Bedell * * * f < I am not surprised that you feel so deep an interest in the Greek Mission. May our Heavenly Father's blessing rest upon every effort for its promotion ! How glad I should be to extend more efficient aid than this offeriug will give. How thankful I feel that the blessing of the Most High has rested upon the labors of your son ! I have often felt that I ought to pray very earnestly for him. How gratefully I cherish the memory of his beloved Father ! May grace, mercy and peace rest upon all who bear his name ! Never can I be thankful enough for the providential guidance which directed my steps to our beloved St. Andrew's. Though other in- strumentality was employed to arouse my attention to the importance of religion, your husband's earnest exhortations were the means of ci;reatly increasing this conviction, and it was when he assured me from the pulpit that Jesus was ready at once to receive the repenting sinner, tha*- I was enabled to believe that He would not cast me out. 1847.] LETTERS. 385 " How often I think of that pale face, irradiated with holy emo- tion, and how vivid is the recollection of the faithful counsels of my beloved Pastor ! My heart is pained that I have not more diligently imitated his example, but I anticipate, for our Saviour's sake, a joy- ful reunion in the world above. " Have you not often rejoiced, dear Mrs. B., that the pulpit of St. Andrew's has always reechoed the truths he taught ? that the pre- cious doctrine of justification by Christ's righteousness has been there so earnestly proclaimed ? I find St. Andrew's theology endures the test of years of suffering, but I will not call them so, for surely con- solation has much more abounded. I come all the time to Jesus as a poor, helpless sinner, and find Him my all-sufficient Saviour. I come to Him as an orphan, and ^as one whom His Mother comforteth, so He comforts' me. I bring to Him the pain and weariness of an almost exhausted frame, and realize that ' we have not an High Priest which cannot be touched with a feeling of our infirmities,' and experience confirms my hope that He will never leave me nor for- sake me. " During the past year I have been very ill, and have received renewed evidence of the long-tried love of those sisters of whom you speak. * * * What a comfort it is to know that physical ail- ments, as well as other trials of life, are among the ' all things' which shall ' work together for good to them that love God V " * * To Miss E. "January, 1848. " There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother, and who ever liveth to comfort and bless His disciples : and how thankful I feel that you are one of these, dearest Miss E. ! If it were not so, I would tell j^ou to go to Jesus; but then you could not know Him as a well-tried friend. Until you had received Him as a Saviour, you could not realize that He is the ' Consolation of Israel,' that He looks upon you with pity and with love. *' You feel more than ever that you are indeed in ' a weary land,' but ' the shadow of a great Rock' is your refuge. Even there it is not sinful to shed tears of sorrow. It cannot be that you should not suffier deeply from a trial so afflictive as that you have so recently sustained, for it is in Heaven alone we are promised that ' God shall wipe away all tears.' Here they fall, and fall again, even from the Christian's eye, but he weeps not as those who know not a Saviour's love. I often think of the visit I once received from a clergyman whose daughter had gone to her heavenly home but two days before. z 33 386 DIARY. [1847. He was a most affectionate father, and it was evident that ho suffered deeply, but his consolation was greater than his grief, and he was enabled to ' glory iu tribulation.' After he left us, we had a shower whilst the sun was still shining, and his brightness was so beauti- fully reflected by the droj^s of rain, that I was reminded of the sanc- tified sorrow of the man of God. Is it not a privilege to be thus permitted to prove that no trial is too great for the sustaining power of grace? No storm so boisterous that the soothing sound, ' It is I; be not afraid,' cannot meet the ear of faith. This, I trust, is the experience of my more than ever dear Miss B. My heart has- tens to you with yearnings of sympathy. I well remember the in- terest with which you spoke of your beloved brother some time since. It may be that your many prayers have been answered, though you may have received no tidings of such joy, and we may hope that this solemn lesson will be one of deep instruction to the surviving mem- bers of your family. You, dearest Miss E., are one of the family of God. His people are your people, and their hearts entwine around you. You require no assurance of the warm affection of your friend, From her Diary. '■^Aug. 25th. — Was very glad to receive a visit from — — , and as usual, enjoyed it very mucli. We were talking of the danger of tempting others to spiritual pride, and he remarked that he wished it were remembered that ministers are but men, through whom they believe. He said persons would make eulogistic remarks in his presence, and say they knew this would not affect him ; and'lie would reply that they first flattered him by telling him that he could not be flattered, and then poured in the poison most congenial to his taste. He says he knows of the downfall of several very eminent Chris- tians, who became lifted up. ' Lord, forever at Thy side, Let my place and portion be, Strip me of the robe of pride, Clothe me with humility.' " On Wednesday I had a visit from an Indian who knows the love of Jesus." 1847.] VISITORS. 387 The number of visitors who sought Miss Allibone's society was by no means small, and the desire of being useful made her generally accessible. In spite, therefore, of her confine- ment for so many years to her own room, she saw a variety of persons of almost every rank in life. Personal convenience and comfort were of no consideration with her when the op- portunity was presented of comforting some perplexed and burdened spirit, or of guiding even a child to the Saviour's fold. While ever the sympathizing friend of the poor and troubled, her society was exceedingly agreeable to the intel- lectual, the refined and the honored. To all alike the Chris- tian counsellor, the pleader for the claims of Jesus, the fear- less, faithful admonisher, she could at the same time happily adapt herself to the tastes and characters of those who ap- proached her. The end of her conversation to high and low, rich and poor, the statesman, the clergyman, or the child, was "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, to-day and for ever." But to each she spoke of heavenly things in the manner which they could best appreciate and feel. There is a record in her Diary for February 7th, 1848, of a visit which she received from the Hon. Henry Cla}'', which appears to have been mutually gratifying, and which led to a subsequent interchange of letters. Although so much occu- pied with religious duties. Miss Allibone w^as not an uncon- cerned observer of public events. A strong attachment to her country Avas one of her sanctified feelings. Often did her prayers arise to the throne of grace in behalf of her beloved father-land, and fervently did she invoke divine blessings upon those who were prominent in the management of public affairs. For Mr. Clay she had cherished peculiar regard and admiration, and the opportunity of personal intercourse with him she gladly welcomed. Mr. Clay was evidently much irh- pressed by his visit to one so patient in tribulation, and who evinced so sincere an interest in his spiritual and eternal welfare, and afterwards referred to the interview with deep emotion. 388 HON. H. CLAY. [1847. "i^fcS. 29^7^ — I have this morning enjoyed the delightful privilege of a visit from Mr. Clay, and of an interview with him quite alone. I do not know what to say of him. I ad- mire, esteem and love him, but these words are of common parlance. He says he does not expect rest in this world, — he hopes he will find it elsewhere. I reminded him that this troublesome popularity increased his opportunities of useful- ness, that persons who would, perhaps, scarcely listen to a stricture from a clergyman, would receive it from Mr. Clay. I told him that his remarks in reference to the Sabbath, when he was in Philadelphia before, had been spoken of a great deal. " He said that before he had the high motives which he trusted he now had for the observance of the Sabbath, he had been taught to respect it, and regarded it as an institu- tion for the benefit of mankind. He said he had been very much influenced by his wife, — he saw how she bore calamity. His heart is filled with sympathy and kindness, and mine with emotions I do not know how to express. " came to see me, and, as ever, his visit was a com- fort and a blessing. 0 my Saviour, my best and ever-present Friend, Thou art ' Chief among ten thousand, and altogether lovely.' " Notes. "Mr. Clay came on Tuesday, at 12 o'clock. He made many inquiries respecting Susan's health, and spoke of his little grand-daughter, who is also afilicted. Upon Susan's alluding to his remarks respecting the Sabbath, he observed that before he had the higher motives he now had, he re- spected the Sabbath. He had always respected religion, and its disciples, whatever his enemies had said of him. He was repeatedly afiected to tears. Susan told him she had fol- lowed him in all his journeyings, and into his retirement, and had prayed that God would be with him. He spoke of the 1847.] TO HENRY CLAY. 389 influence liis wife had exerted over him. Susan said that they were most happy who dwelt under the shadow of the Cross, and rested securely there. " He appeared unwilling to leave, and said with emotion, ' I am glad to see you so cheerful, so resigned, so happy.' She gave him, before his departure, Archbishop Leighton's Works. " Thursday, March 2d. — At our prayer-meeting. Sue offered a heart-felt petition for Mr. Clay. " She spoke with interest of the Psalm, ' My heart is in- diting a good matter.' When unfavorable symptoms appeared this evening, she spoke very cheerfully about it, and no doubt I was more disappointed than she. " She has traced, in the little ' Daily Manna' her beloved Mrs. E. gave her, the quotations, 'Pain, loss, solitude, — what are they? — the loay home.' ' There is no extremity of guilt or misery that can come up to Christ's uttermost.' — Romaine. ' Not only the worst of my sins, but the best of my duties, bespeak me a child of Adam.' — Bishop Beveridge. 'Love will stammer, rather than bo dumb.' — Leighton. " Speaking this evening, of elasticity of spirit, she alluded to her spiritual comfort — that the Everlasting Arms kept her above the waters. She said that whatever natural power of endurance she had, would have been exhausted long ago." To Hon. Henri/ Clay. "A letter for you is in my heart, beloved and respected sir; and I have asked for a pencil, that I may express the thoughts which my sister's pen must convey to you in more legible characters than my physical debility will allow me to trace. " I wish to thank j'ou for the visit you so kindly made to an in- valid, who could not mingle with the crowd around you to welcome her country's friend. And when I tell you that our interview, brief as it wus, has kindled into stronger and deeper feeling the affection I have cherished so many years, I would not that you should sus- pect for a moment that I employ the language of adulation, so dis- tasteful to the refined mind, so painful to the heart of the Christian 390 TO HENRY CLAY. [1847, who has listened to the 'still small voice' of the blessed Spirit, and thus been taught that he is sinful and helpless, and has learned to say, ' God forbid that I should glory save in the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.' ■ . "Although the irrepressible aflfection of your many friends swells into a louder chorus than you love to hear, exhausts your strength, and causes you to sigh for solitude, you gratefully appreciate the offering you have not sought, and number it, I trust, among the talents you desire to consecrate to the glory of your Father in Heaven. " It is, indeed, a solemn thought that our responsibility is so greatly increased by the influence which is possessed over the minds of others. The words of a great man become aphorisms, the scenes he enters are sanctioned by his presence, and almost his thoughts are appropriated by those who surround him. " I am not surprised that the tranquillity of the husbandman appears to you more desirable than a life of such incessant excite- ment ; but you, dear sir, are sowing seed in the political and moral world, which will bear nutritious fruit. Oh ! that yours may ever be the fulfilment of the promise, ' Thine ears shall hear a word be- hind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.' " Oh ! that the Heavenly Physician may heal the wounds which the severance of cherished ties has inflicted upon a heart so sensitive as yours ! One who has shed the orphan's tear is well prepared to sympathize with a bereaved parent. In one instance, the branch has been broken from the tree which gave it nourishment, and pain- fully it realized the absence of the green and vigorous shoot; in the other, the parent stem is removed, and its offspring would surely wither if it were not transplanted into the garden of the Lord, and united to the true and living Vine. "I feel, dear Mr. Clay, that I could love you with almost filial affection ; but I should not, therefore, weary you by an effusion of tedious length. " I do not know that uninspired history has recorded a character, whose life and writings have been rendered more luminous by tlie Sun of Righteousness than my favorite author. Archbishop Leighton. His theoloiry is so much more simple and concentrated than the dif- fusive writings of the present day, that if he be not already a familiar friend, I think you will sometimes feel disposed to admit the volume you will so much gratify me by accepting, to the companionship of your private hours. 1847.] TO HENRY CLAY. 391 ''Your little grand-daugbter has often been the subject of my thoughts since you spoke of her so affectionately. Will you tell the dear child I am assured that Jesus loves her as well as the little ones whom He took in His arms, and like the little sufferer, whose life I send her, she must tell Him when she is in pain, and ask Him to comfort her. " Your visit will be one of my pleasant recollections, and frequent and earnest supplications that you may be 'satisfied with favor, and filled with the blessing of the Lord/ will ascend from the heart of her who is, dear sir, with high regard, most respectfully yours." From Mr. Clay to Miss Allihone. " With perfect truth and candor I say, that I have rarely, if ever, made a visit to any individual in my life, that afforded me higher satisfaction than that which I derived from seeing you. Your physi- cal misfortunes, your resignation to the will of our Maker, your gen- , tie and intelligent countenance, and your interesting conversation, all combined to give to the short interview I had with you a thrilling interest. I have oftentimes thought of it, and have frequently de- scribed the touching scene to my friends. * * * " Believed as I am from the cares, the trouble, and the respon- sibility of public life, I hope to profit by retirement in making those preparations for another and better world, which are enjoined upon us by our highest and eternal interests. In these, your example of perfect submission and complete obedience will be constantly remem- bered by me with great benefit and advantage. " Accept for yourself my prayer, that He who has enabled you so calmly and cheerfully to bear up under the heavy privations you suffer, may continue His watchful care over you to the end, and thai we may both hereafter meet in the regions of eternal bliss. " I am truly and faithfully your friend and obedient servant, " H. Clay." To Hon. Henry Clay. " Nov. 3, 1848. " I denied myself the gratification of giving an immediate reply to your kind and most welcome letter, respected sir, because I was aware that the communications of your numerous friends present an almost incessant demand upon your attention ; but I did not design to be so very considerate as to have allowed more than three months to pass away, unaccompanied by an assurance of my warm affection. 392 TO HENRY CLAY. [1847. "The debility wliicli often renders me unahlo to use a mechanical medium for the conveyance of thoujrht, does not deprive me of the consolation of expressing my rej^ard for those I love, by imploring for them ' the blessing of the Lord which maketh rich, and addeth no sorrow with it ;' and for you, dear sir, very frequent and earnest prayers have come into my heart. I do hope that God will grant you a double portion of His Spirit. I should not feel satisfied if any ordinary measures of contrition, faith, love and holy obedience were yours. We are commanded to ' covet the best gifts ;' and it is not presumptuous to expect much from God, if the merits of our Re- deemer be our only plea. Nor would I forget to thank Him for the spiritual illumination He has granted you, nor for the desire you express to consecrate the retirement you are at last permitted to enjoy, to the interests of 'another and a better world.' " It is, indeed, a better world, dear Mr. Clay. How delightful will it be to be released for ever from ' every day's report of wrong and outrage, with which earth is filled.' What blessedness to wor- ship God without the intrusion of one emotion opposed to the holi- ness of His law, or a single wandering thought, and to satisfy the longings of the Spirit after knowledge, excellence and love by the contemplation of them all ! To receive all this happiness is the free gift of a Saviour's love, and to attune a harp of thanksgiving with Heaven-taught melody, ever swelling louder and clearer notes of adoration as the past and present become more fully understood, and the future hastens on with brightening glory, — oh ! this will be to us a better world ! " It has often occurred to me that whilst the believer rejoices that 'to die is gain,' he ought also to remember that ' to live is Christ.' I wish to understand the full meaning of this expression. Experience has taught me something of its import, but I hope to learn new les- sons every day. One of our Homilies tells us ' Faith is the hand that puts on Christ j' and St. Paul assures us, 'Of Him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteous- ness, and sanctification, and redemption.' " How can I, who am so sinful and so suffering, be sufficiently thankful that this glorious Redeemer is the portion of my soul ! Mine has been a situation of extraordinary necessity, and the fulness of Jesus has been its supply. When my earthly friends sit down and weep, because their unwearied attentions cannot remove the firm pressure of disease, my Saviour draws me still more closely into the Sanctuary of His presence, and my wearied spirit reposes in peace. 1847.] TO HENRY CLAY. 393 ^' But there is an amputation of the heart, caused by the removal of the most cherished objects of aifection, which requires the still more tender offices of Him who 'came to give the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;' and in this sorrow, also, I have been greatly comforted. If I had never known bereavement, I could net so fully sympathize with the deep afflictions to which your letter alludes. I am well assured that your susceptibilities of suffering are unusually acute; and I pray that the consolations of the Holy Spirit, and the sanctified uses of adversity may be given you in proportionate measure. It may be also that the dispensations which have caused so painful a void in your family circle, may be the avenues through which many heavenly blessings may be conveyed to its surviving members. It may be your delightfnl privilege to teach them to consecrate the energy they have inherited from their earthly parent to the glory of their Father in Heaven : and whilst I condole with my country, because she will be deprived of your official services at ^ time when they seem so greatly needed, I do indeed most heartily congratulate your children and grand-children, that they are permitted to surround you in the evening of your days. " Permit me to say that I do not think you suit the times, dear sir. Expediency has become the watchword of our nation ; and your political vestments have never assumed a chameleon hue, nor has the cloak of concealment been wrapped around them. Oh ! that we had many Daniels to confess that ' we and our fathers have sinned, and done wickedly, and to implore that national judgments may be averted. " The beautiful petition of the Lord's Prayer, ' Thy kingdom come ; Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven,' is most appro- priate at this time of danger ; and how efiectually will its fulfilment hush into silence the stormy elements around us ! Is it not an un- speakable privilege to be the subject of 'a kingdom which cannot be moved' ? I am truly gratified to learn that the health of your little grand-daughter has so greatly improved, for I feel a deep interest in all to whom you are allied. I shall not soon forget the terms of affection with which you made me acquainted with the character of Mrs. Clay, to whom you will please present my respectful regards. " I think I will be so selfish as to tell you how delighted I should be to receive another letter from Ashland." * * * CHAPTER XIX. 1848—1849. -A Comforter of the Sorrowing — Letters of Sympathy to the Bereaved: to an afflicted little Boy — Conversation — Contentment — Letters to Dr. N. : to R. S. on Discouragements — Alarm at Tractarian Errors — Letter referring thereto — Letters of Friendship — Pastoral Visits — Letter to one lately baptized — Importance of a high Standard in Religion — Letters to the Young. Miss Allibone Tvas, to a remarkable extent, a comforter of the afflicted. Sorrow of any kind was an appeal to which she invariably responded. She forgot her own sufierings in hearing of and administering to others' woes, or only so far remembered them as to make them a plea for attempt- ing to comfort others with the consolation wherewith she was herself comforted of God. To those within the circle of her own extensive connection, and still wider acquaintance, she was a proved and affectionate helper in the dark and sorrow- ful day. But her sympathy was by no means limited to them. The stricken and suffering became at once the objects of her fervent intercession and loving concern. She longed to tell the children of sorrow of the unfailing mercies of her cove- nant God, and the effectual sympathy of the great High Priest who can be touched with the feeling of our infirmities. She felt that the consolations of her religion were adequate to every emergency of mortal grief. She had fully tested them. From her own experience she knew their value. She was perfectly assured that every mourner, who would look where she looked for support and relief, would be assisted and blessed. Her expressions of sympathy were not words (394) 1848.] LETTERS. 395 of course, but the utterance of strong, living, acting faith. She believed, and therefore she spake. And the lessons of trust and submission which she inculcated, enforced by her own beautiful example, were clothed with power, and went at once to the heart. She spake and acted as one who dwelt in the secret place of the Almighty, to whom the Most High was a Father and Friend, and to whom the heavenly Avorld was a near and glorious reality. And therefore she was eminently successful in leading the afflicted to the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. Instances of the tender- ness, delicacy and fidelity, with which she approached those upon whom rested God's chastening hand, are given in the letters immediately following : To a Relative. " Greenwood, March, 1848. " My dear : I would not attempt this letter, if it were not my privilege to ask our Father in Heaven to teach me what to say to you ; for I know too much of the sacredness of sorrow to suppose that ordinary words of sympathy would be consoling to one who has suffered so deeply as yourself. I am not surprised that you realize that your domestic circle is deprived of one of its brightest attrac- tions. It was not a mother's eye alone that could discover the love- liness of one so gentle, so unaffected and so affectionate. I can sym- pathize with your bereavement much more deeply than I could have done if I had never seen you together. " Oh, my dear friend, bring your wounded heart to .Jesus. lie can bind it up. lie can soothe into ' a great calm' the storm which now swells your bosom. He will not reproach you because you sought Him not in the hour of prosperity : and if you will bring to Him the sins of your whole life, He will wash them in His blood and cover you with a robe of righteousness. Will you not, read with much prayer the 53d chapter of Isaiah, and see if He who was 'a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief,' is not just such a Saviour as you need. " If it were possible, T should be glad to hasten to you, that I might tell you of the preciousness of this merciful Redeemer. I should love to make one of your household band, now that you are 396 LETTERS. [1848. so sorrowful ; and tlioua;h it would grieve mo very much to hear my beloved use expressions that would seem to indicate the slight- est doubt of the wisdom and love of God, I would pray for and pity her, and try to deal gently with an almost broken heart. Dear , do ask for submission to His will. I do not want you to grieve the Holy Spirit. 1 would have you * humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time.' You know He has afflicted me, but it has always been in love. Head the 103d Psalm, and I will pray that you may believe and experience all that is there recorded of the loving-kindness of the Almighty. The 12th chapter of Hebrews is full of instruction and consolation. In the 14th chapter of Job we are assured that the days of man 'are determined, the number of his months are with Thee, Thou hast appointed his bounds that he cannot pass.' If you could realize this truth, you would not suffer so much from the fear that other efforts would have been more conducive to your dear child's benefit. How many bereaved friends have been agonized by these reflections ! I do not doubt that the unwearied efforts of parents, physicians and friends were combined for the relief of your darling child, and it was because the Almighty had ordered otherwise that they were unsuccessful. Oh, that this painful lesson may be one of deep and lasting instruction ! "One of your beloved ones has been called into the eternal world, and earth looks to you most desolate. Every surrounding object is invested with gloom. You see mortality written upon the faces of your surviving children. Will you not prny that upon their souls may be inscribed 'a title clear to mansions in the skies'? Will you not encircle them with religious influences ? Will you not tell them that if the Redeemer loved theif souls so well as to die that they might live forever, they should surely hasten together to the Cross of Calvary, and thus secure 'a safe defence, a peaceful home'? " But, alas ! you would tell me, how can I lead my children into a path I have never travelled ? I cannot expatiate upon love I have never realized — upon salvation I have never accepted. My friend, my dear friend, you must come to Jesus, and you nnist come now. Throw this letter from your hand — prostrate yourself in the attitude of devotion — tell your Father in Heaveu you have been sinful and rebellious, but you come to Him in tht nnme of His only begotten Sou, pleading pardon in His name, trusting in the merits of His blood. Tell Him you give your heart to Him; you know it is an unworthy offering ; it is all full of sin and sorrow, but you are * heavy 1849.] LETTERS. 397 laden/ and in Ilis word He has said, 'Come uLto me and I will give you rest.' " Oh, the joyful results of this acceptance of the offers of salva- tion ! Oh, the blessed peace which will flow into your bosom, com- bined with regret that you have not long since tasted the power of religion ; with filial contrition that you have not always loved a Being BO ready to pardon and bless. My heart warms with the hope that you will at once cast yourself upon the mercy of God in Christ, and that from your family circle will again and again ascend intelligence which will give joy to the angelic host. '' Give my love to them all, and remind them of the injunction, 'Be ye also ready.' Tell them the love of Christ is the only source of true happiness. It has cheered my heart through many years of suffering." To an Afflicted Little Boy, son of Rev. J. A. ClarJc. "Jan. 1849. " What a beautiful promise that is : ' He shall feed His flock like a shepherd. He shall gather the lambs in His arms and carry them in His bosom.' Would you not love to belong to the fold of this Good Shepherd ? Perhaps you do follow Him ; I hope so, indeed. I should be glad for you, my poor wearied boy, to have the bosom of Jesus for your resting-place. There will be no pain there. Even now I am sure He is looking very tenderly upon you. It requires much grace to be very considerate of the comfort of others, and to avoid speaking quickly when we are in great suffering and feel ner- vous, but not more than God is able to give us. ' Looking unto Jesus' must be our motto. We have your dear father's example, also, for He was very patient, and thought more of the welfare of others than his own comfort. Oh ! W., I cannot tell you how well I loved him, and how much I miss his counsels ; but they are written on my heart, and I must try to practise them. * * * '' I am not even able to read much in the Bible. I hope you love this blessed book as much as little Nathan Dickermaa did. " That the Father of the fatherless may bless and protect my dear W., prays your very affectionate friend, S. A." To a Friend. " It occurred to me during the illness of your departed wife, dear sir, that I should have much loved to have spoken to her of Him 34 398 LETTEES. [1849. who is ' touched with a feeling of our infirmities ;' but the chamber of sickness has long been my abiding-place, and here my thoughts often visited your house of mourning, and my heart ascended in prayer that spiritual blessings may rest upon the bereaved ones. * * * "Whilst 1 listened to the precious truths of God's word, so faithfully proclaimed by his departed servant, I desired that your family too should receive Jesus in their hearts, and enjoy the faith which sustained my spirit. More than seven years have passed since then. The pastor who spoke to us of a Saviour's love dwells with Him in a world of glory. Night and day have pain and debility been my portion. I listen no longer to my mother's voice, for God has taken her to heaven ; and therefore, dear sir, my heart yearns over your children, and I pity them. But my sufferings have not equalled the consolation I have received ; their pressure rests not upon me, for 'underneath are the everlasting arms.' God can wipe away even the orphan's tear. He has said, ' Even as a mother comforteth will I comfort you.' Oh, that the sorrowing ones around you may hear the voice of His spirit, jind that you, their only parent, may gather with them around the mercy-seat, and ask God to be your guide and comforter. And where else can you bear your fainting spirit ? Not to the scenes of worldly pleasure, for the sounds of mirth would fall heavily upon your ear. Come, then, to Him who wounds to heal, who kindly reminds you that this is not your rest, that you may seek preparation for that rest which ' remain- eth for the people of God.' Oh I may we never forget that they only shall enjoy it, for 'except a man be born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.' " With respectful and prayerful earnestness I would urge you, dear sir, to implore the Holy Spirit to cause you to feel what your understanding must acknowledge, to fill you with that * godly sor- row which worketh repentance not to be repented of.' Do not sus- pect me of harshness. An apostle has said, ' Knowing the terror of the Lord we persuade men,' and I would only remind you that 'we must all appear before the judgment-scat of Christ,' — that I may point to my Saviour's cross and say, 'Behold the Lamb of God which taketh away the sins of the world.' And upon this subject I most love to dwell, for I feel more and more the all-sufficiency of our Hedeemer. Come to Him with your sins — come to Him with your sorrows ; for it is His promise, ' I will give you rest.' Then shall 'the Sun of Righteousness arise with healing in His wings.' He will shine upon your desoiate dwelling and your saddened heart. 1849.] LETTERS. 399 " You will receive this expression of Christian interest from one whose peculiar situation renders it less needful that she should regard the ordinary rules of etiquette. How much I should love to tell your children how much I sympathize with them \" To a Friend. " February, 1849. "The Father of mercies and God of all grace is with you, my own dear , teaching you to breathe the notes of submission to His Holy will. I am thankful for this, for it pains me much to listen to the discordant tones of repining and rebellion which too often go forth from the harp of sorrow. My Heavenly Father administers the discipline I require with so gentle a hand, and so many smiles of love, that I more deeply realize the injustice and presumption of any reflection upon His wisdom and mercy. " And yet while He requires the submission of the Christian, He does not demand the stoic's insensibility to suffering. He has formed us with sympathies so tender, with hearts so clinging, that we are greatly wounded when our loved ones are removed. If it were not thus, we should not need the Balm of Gilead to bind up the lacerated nerves and fibres of our affections. "Dear , I understand the mysterious union between a mother and her child. Although I have suffered in one relation, and you in the other, I appreciate the strength of the tie, which I bless God is in our case only lengthened, not broken. The part we cannot see is in Heaven, and thanksgivings mingle with our tears. And then, there is another reason why I feel for you so much. I am very fond of children. They are the little flowers of society, which gladden our hearts as we pass along the dusty paths of life. A very lovely one was placed in your bosom, and, as you remark, it has been trans- planted to the garden of the Saviour. There is no hot sun to scorch it there, no wind to scatter its blossoms, but it will bloom in fadeless beauty. When you see it again, as I trust will be you privilege, for our Redeemer's sake, you will be glad that you did not refuse to resign your little plant in all its budding loveliness. I trust its place will be supplied by many blessed fruits of the Spirit, engrafted upon this lesson of sorrow. It would be sad, indeed, if our trials were unmingled with benefit. Shall we not ask Him who has ' chastened us for our profit, that we might be partakers of His holiness,' to give us a lowly, teachable spirit, to reveal to us the exceeding sinfulness of our nature, and all the requirements of His law; and to enable us, in the full view of both, to rejoice with joy unspeakable and full 400 LETTERS. [1849. of glory, in Tlim wbo came to atone for our transgressions, and to fulfil the perfect obedience we cannot give. " We find imperfection written upon the most elevated of our race, but here is a Friend in whom ' mercy and truth are met together, righteousness and peace have kissed each other;' One who is 'holy, harmless, undefiled and separate from sinners.' If you would know more of this blessed Saviour, read the 53d chapter of Isaiah, with fervent supplication that the Holy Spirit will take of the things of Jesus, and show them unto you. You may have often done this, but now that you are smitten, you will be more thankful than ever that our Saviour was ' a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.' The Epistle to the Hebrews has been very consoling to me. It dwells with so much emphasis and beauty upon the sympathy of our Redeemer. How wonderful, how mysterious is the connection be- tween His Divine and human nature! He is indeed 'Wonderful, Counsellor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.' " Do you remember a little book entitled 'Perfect Peace,' by the Kev. Mr. Pitcairn ? It enforces this subject with unusual clearness. How glad I should be to have you read to me a work in which I am deeply interested, * Charnock on the Divine Attributes.' How much more enjoyment is derived from books of spiritual instruction, than from those volumes which are only designed to amuse f * * * "You ask me to give you information of my health. I have been less subject to attacks of prostration this winter, and less aflFected by changes of weather, but I have become more thin and pale, and am reminded that my pilgrimage may soon terminate. The trust I feel that I am 'accepted in the Beloved,' gives pleasure to this antici- pation. * * * " I heard of a sad death a few weeks since. A young lady, who had often been seriously impressed, told one of her friends that she had resolved to banish these reflections. Pier efforts were successful. A very short time after, she became dangerously ill, and when ac- quainted with her situation, was very desirous to be again visited by the strivings of the Holy Spirit, but they came not at her bidding. She requested that the last dress she would require should be made in her presence, but when she was obeyed, she shook her head, and said, ' I cannot feel.' She then begged her mother to have her coflSn made, and brought into her room. Her desire was most reluctantly granted, but the poor girl exclaimed, 'The Spirit has fled; I am lost !' and after an illness of ten days, she entered eternity uncon- eoled. 1849.] LETTERS. 401 '' The circumstances occurred this winter, and were related to one of our friends. " Tell your father and mother that they are affectionately remem- bered. I desire for them and Mr. all the blessings which are the result of an entire consecration of the heart to God. " Write to me soon, dear , and always believe that I am very aflfectionately, your friend." To a Friend, on the Death of his Wife. "Hamilton, July 3, 1849. "'Is there no balm in Gilead, is there no Physician there?' It is to give an affirmative reply to this question, which, I trust, your wounded heart is asking, that I attempt a letter to the stricken friend who is so often the subject of my earnest prayers. " I will not tell you how many tears I have shod, how much sym- pathy I have felt, but will point you, dear sir, to Him who for your sake and mine became a i\Ian of Sorrows, and acquainted with grief — that Saviour who is looking upon you, in your agony of spirit, with more tenderness and compassion than ever beamed from your dear mother's eye, and is waiting to speak pardon and peace to your soul. " Oh, come at once to this blessed Redeemer, and your experience will prove that ' He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.' Siudy His character in the Volume which unfolds His love, — pra}^ earnestly that the Holy Spirit may reveal to you His offices of Prophet, Priest and Kiag. It may be that He is already teaching you these lessons. It may be that you are mourn- ing, not for sorrow only, but for sin, and are lifting up the eye of faith to behold, not a compassionate Friend alone, but the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sins of the world. If this be so, the peace which passeth understanding will be your portion. If this be so, there will be joy in heaven. The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit will admit you to His holy fellowship, and you will be no longer desolate. Oh, how I should rejoice in this intelligence ! Will you not write to me very soon, and give me it? Will you not pray for a realization of the holiness of Jehovah, — the righteousness of His law, — your inability to meet its requisitions, — your manifold transgressions against it, — an appropriating knowledge of Him in whom ' mercy and truth are met together, righteousness and peace have kissed each other.' " I desire for you happiness which will endure throughout eter- nity, and for my Iledeemer the service of your future life, x know 2 A 34* 402 LETTERS. [1849. that you have not waited till this hour to add to your professional services gentle words, and offices of kindness, but with how much more interest than ever will you mark the pulsations of the dying sufferer, and the grief of those who live ! " I trust the blessing of the Most High upon this agonizing be- reavement will be your preparation for many a blessed visit to the couch of pain and the house of mourning. Your voice may falter when you tell your patient that all your efforts for his cure are un- availing, but it will grow stronger, if, with all the clearness of an experimental acquaintance, 3'ou can direct his attention to the Great Physician of the soul. And whilst you weep with his surviving friends, will you not be glad to tell them of the consolation you have found in the hour of sorrow? '' Oh, my dear friend, when I contrast your present situation with the high hopes which filled your bosom when we parted, I have to wipe away the tears which come and come again. This is a painful lesson for a warm young heart. Do you think me cruel, because I desire for you a two-fold grief, even godly sorrow, added to that you already feel ? I know you will echo my aspiration. I believe you will ask God to give you a broken and a contrite heart. " If you urge this plea in the name of Jesus, ' the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness,' will soon be given you. God loves to bless us. I have, again and again, been strongly impelled to write to you, but have doubted my ability for the effort. "When, however, we learned from Mrs. F. that she felt unable to answer your letter, I resolved that I would attempt an expression of my sympathy. * * * *' It must have been a consolation to you to be with her in her departing hour. Among the tears that are shed, there are none like yours, dear sir; but 'there is balm in Gilead, there is a Phy- sician there.' " Assure dear M. that she has my prayerful sympathy. Will she not seek refuge within the Rock of Ages, in this hour of sorrow ? She must kiss sweet little S. for me, and tell her I hope she will not forget that Jesus is the Friend of little children. * * * " I have been only able to trace my letter with a pencil, and will employ sister's pen to copy it. I feel that the peculiar circumstances of our acquaintance justify an unreserved expression of my interest in your eternal welfare." 1849.] LETTERS. 40o To Mrs. Chirk. " Jesus has gathered another Lamb to His bosom, and you are glad that it is safely sheltered there. But it was your precious child, your ooly daughter, and you would have loved to have cherished her a little longer, for your heart is sad and weary, and you know not how to part with another loved one now. I wish I could say some- thing to comfort you. I would not presume to attempt to do so, without an earnest prayer for the teaching of the Holy Spirit, and perhaps He will enable me to remind you of some precious promise of God's "Word. Shall I speak of one already fulfilled in your expe- rience ? ' He maketh sore and bindeth up. He woundeth, and His hands make whole. He shall deliver thee in six troubles; yea, in seven there shall no evil touch thee.' Your afflictions have extended even beyond the limits of this gracious assurance, but here is one as unbounded as eternity, ' I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.' " You have indeed been chosen in the furnace of affliction, dear Mrs. C., but it is a mercy to be chosen even there. Our merciful Father only designs thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine. Surely He will not now withdraw the grace which has so long ena- bled you to glorify Him in the fires. I have often felt glad that T could tell those who have spoken with sympathy of your successive bereavements, that you were wonderfully sustained, and your testi- mony now to the faithfulness of God will be most valuable. " Perhaps it will be the last you will be required to bear. You have shed many tears, and it may be that God will, ere long, wipe them away, and then, dear Mrs. C, they will not come any more. Oh ! I do pity you so much. You know that I have been taught how to sympathize; and when I think of the lesson I have learned, I can but rejoice that dear little C. will never know what it is to be an orphan. Perhaps our Heavenly Father saw that she would be one, if she were to remain upon earth. I have no doubt you have often pitied the poor child because she was deprived, at so early an age, of her Father's care, but she is with him now, and what a joyous meeting they have had ! You would be glad to have him here to weep with you, but he cannot weep noio — he strikes a note of louder praise because his little one is with Jesus. And you would not, if you could, recall your departed husband from the courts of glory t-o the house of mourning, for you know that God is with you — that an arm of everlasting love sustains you. I feel, while I write to you, that yours is the sympathy of Jesus. ' The Spirit of the Lord is 404 NOTES. [1848. upon Ilim ;' He was ' sent to heal the brohen-hcarted.' I trust, my beloved friend, that this day is this Scripture fulfilled in your heart. " la the sacred relationship of sorrow, yours most afiectionately." Notes. ^^March, 1848. — S. delights so much in all that is cheer- ing. Said, ' I think we ought to love the Heavenly Father, who gives us such delightful weather.' She thinks it im- portant for children to be taught to be kind to birds and insects. " Told , who came in with her clothes soiled, ' she would rather have mud on her dress from visiting the poor, than a dress with diamonds to go to a ball.' " \Oih, — Speaking of her confidence in regard to the fu- ture, she said, ' If you are just sure of your union with Christ — and that I am sure of.' '■^Sunday. — She had a visit from that wayward boy H. H. It seems he has been very thoughtless, and was playing last Monday with a boy who went to school the following day, and was taken ill and died on Tuesday night. This distress- ing event seems to have impressed H.'s mind, and he deter- mined to go to church. He said he was afraid to play to-day — that when he was with pious persons, he felt serious, but seems to be drawn aside by temptation. He has felt anxious that the person he calls his mother should be religious. " S. says it does her good to see flourishing Christians, and contrasted those who brought a bad report of the pro- mised land, and those who brought with them large clusters of grapes. '■'■March 20th. — Speaking of the Communion to-night, she said it was one of the appointed manuals of spiritual bless- ings, and one of the largest and most free. ''3Iarch 2od. — She spoke with so much cheerfulness of her blessing — her beautiful home — her room — her nearest objects of affection — and her nurse. Wlicn I spoke of her voice being 1848.] NOTES. 405 cheerful, she said her heart was, and she did not know why her voice shoukl not be. " She never seems to regret the approach of the symptoms which most alarm us. On one occasion she remarked, ' These rough winds sometimes carry us sooner into port.' When the reply was made, ' They leave many wrecks behind,' she thought the same winds might waft us. " Praying with J. W., ' Grant that he may give his heart to Thee before the hour of death. Dear Saviour, intercede for this youth ! Wash him in Thy blood.' " I shall always associate little ' Mary Lothrop' with her, BO desirous has she been to have children, in whom she is in- terested, read that and ' Nathan Dickerman.' " 29^A. — Susan spoke to Lily about a Christian's dying, with great cheerfulness. I think I never had so bright an idea of the subject presented to my mind. She said her con- finement had not seemed tedious, — that she felt like a stran- ger and a pilgrim. When said, ' Help I every moment need,' she replied, 'All in all in Thee I find.' She observed, 'I think it is so delightful to trust in God.' " Remarked, when I read to her the 11th chapter of He- brews, ' There is so much emphasis in the verse, ' For they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country ; Chi'istians ought to be so different from the world.' "t/wwe, 1848. — When we were talking about the Buck's County church, she said she expected very little from man, but a great deal from our Heavenly Father. "Jwwe Sth. — A youth called, in whose spiritual welfare she had been much interested, and although the rest she an- ticipated was of so much importance, she would not refuse to see him. " She spoke of , who, urged by an increased anxiety about his soul's welfare, came under similar circumstances, 406 NOTES. [1848. but who never came again ; death most unexpectedly snatched him from earth, in the midst of so much earthly prosperity. Most ha,ppy he now is, we trust, that he paused to listen to the Holy Spirit's warning voice. ''^Sunday, I'^th. — Last evening, when we went into Susan's room, by her request, to have our Saturday prayer, so hal- lowed an influence seemed to pervade it, that its memory should ever be profitable. The calm moonlight reposed on the trees and garden. The hymn, ' Guide me, oh Thou Great Jehovah,' inspired a greater desire to commune with God. And then her prayers ! She sent word by F. to her Sunday School class, ' Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord.' She thought every energy and affection should be employed in gratitude. " She referred to the Saviour's gentleness to the woman of Samaria, and spoke of having commenced the Gospel of St. John with the view Winslow, in his 'Glory of the Redeemer,' suggests. Mentioned her beloved doctrine of Divine Right- eousness, and spoke of the divinity of the Saviour. She dwelt with peculiar pleasure, too, upon the lines, ' One army of the living God.' " She wished us all to pause before commenced read- ing Winslow on 'the Holy Spirit,' to pray quietly that it might be blessed to us. She prayed for the children, that they might be convinced of sin, and righteousness, and of judgment to come, — that the Saviour's image might be stamped on their hearts. She spoke of her love for the col- lect, ' 0 God the Holy Ghost, Sanctifier of the faithful.' Said, this morning, that her willingness to live is the willing- ness of submission. " When I return to her room, how frequently am I struck (as though not aware of it before) with the air of cheerful composure reigning there. Her flowers, the love of which she says has been a blessing to her ; her devotional books, 1848.] NOTES. 407 all neatly arranged ; and then the patient occupant of that chair of pain, never able to step upon the floor, but calm and happy. '■^Sunday, 25f7i. — In reply to the wish expressed, that it might be a refreshing day, she hoped it might be a sanctify- ing one. Spoke of loving more to be holy, and crucify the flesh, than to be happy, and said, ' It is as much a duty to be holy as happy. What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.' " She had old Nanny up this evening. I hope it may be a blessing to her. " To Mr. she spoke of taking so much pleasure in the thought that God is King, and that however unworthy, we are His subjects, and under His dominion. "July 10th. — This morning a man came to mend her blind, who expressed views really absurd, though not so astonishing, as he was, like most unbelievers, little acquainted with the Bible. S. told him of the comfort she experienced, and asked him if he supposed it imagination. Wished to know what he could give in its place. His confident tone became more gentle, and I hope he was subdued and led to realize that his carelessness and independence were but poor substitutes for an active and soul-sustaining faith in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost. " 19th. — She referred to its being opposed to her natural disposition to be confined to her room, although she is per- fectly satisfied, because it is the Avill of Providence. She spoke of having no more desire to live than she used to have to stay all night at the Woodlands ; she feels as willing to go Home as she used to feel to return to her dwelling. " She thinks it not strange that having enjoyed and be- lieved in the theology conveyed by Leighton, she should not embrace the new ideas which have brought so much injury to our beloved Church. " 22d. — She thinks seems so directed in regard to 408 NOTES. [1848. coming here at important times, that it should make us trust that when we have peculiar need, we shall have peculiar help. ^^ Sunday, 23c?. — Susan spoke, this morning, in a most animated strain, on the text, ' We have a strong City. Sal- vation appointed for walls and bulwarks.' Spoke of having been enabled to look to the Saviour, of the impossibility of finding comfort in ourselves. Alluded to the sermon preached by Dr. Bedell whilst she was in vain trying to find peace, and of her efforts to improve. When we spoke of Mrs. , she thought her not in a situation to receive comfort, — com- pared her case to that of a wounded Israelite, who would dwell upon his wound, instead of looking to the brazen serpent. " She thought she might be affected with paralysis, but does not fear. It cannot take place unless allotted by our Heavenly Father. " I left reading Albert Duy's sermons to her. She seemed delighted with the thought of meeting the saints in heaven who once belonged to St. Andrew's Church. " She has been extremely weak, and says that almost all her strength is spiritual strength. " She thinks some persons consider it a mark of growth in grace to doubt. Spoke of the doctrine of assurance being most productive of gratitude,' faith and humility, — she had known both the spirit of bondage and of adoption. " Considers herself saved from eternal, and sustained under present suffering. When in unusual pain, she said, ' I would see Jesus !' ' Nothing but Jesus would I own, and Jesus crucified.' From her Diary. '■^June 4:th. — How delightful it is to be alone with God ! It is such a privilege to ask pardon for sin, to implore the influences of the Holy Spirit, to read the blessed Bible with 1848.] DIARY. 409 the petition that in its pages we may see the glory of the Redeemer. " Who would desire better recreation than this ? and yet the disciples of Jesus sometimes talk of '■ unbending the mind,' — having 'rational and social enjoyment' in pursuits which have a tendency to fill the mind with levity and worldly thoughts. 0 for the unclouded presence of the Saviour ! There only shall be ' Every longing satisfied, With full salvation blest.' "And yet mine is a sinful heart, and I do not follow Jesus as I ought. I do not depend upon my love for Him, but upon His love for me. "I have a great many sources of enjoyment. My room is delightful. The birds sing sweetly, and the trees and flowers are in full bloom. My friends are very, very kind to me. I was looking upon my faithful nurse to-day, and think- ing how much more useful I ought to be to her spiritual wel- fare. She has been more to me than I can tell. May the Lord bless her!" To the Rev. E. Neville. "Greenwood, April 17, 1848. '' I so much fear, my ever kind and valued friend, that you will be grieved because your accumulated engagements will probably deprive me of your anticipated farewell visit, that I hasten to assure you of my unwillingness to cause you a moment of uneasiness, or to induce you to make an effort which might involve the sacrifice of some paramount duty. " My desire that you should repeat to me our Saviour's command, 'Do this in remembrance of me,' is accompanied with cheerful sub- mission to our Heavenly Father's will j so you must not be pained if you cannot comply with it. "And this is not all I wish to say to you, my beloved Dr. Neville. I thank my Heavenly Father most for the consolation of which He has so often rendered you the medium ; but to you also must I offer an expression of affectionate gratitude. You have not deprived me 35 410 LETTERS. [1848. of your counsel and sympathy because I was not one of your parish- ioners, but you have come to the retirement of one who could not follow the footsteps of the flock into the green pastures of sanctuary privileges, and have told me of the love of Him who giveth His life for the sheep, and has promised that they shall never perish. " I trust you will never be compelled to appropriate the reproof, ' The diseased have ye not strengthened, neither have ye healed that which was sick, neither have ye bound up that which was broken.' I have asked the Apostle and High Priest of our profession so to anoint you with the gifts of His Spirit, that your public and private ministrations may be the channel through which mercy and peace may be poured into many a wounded bosom, and a still more vivid appreciation of redeeming love imparted to those who already rejoice. " Thus, a learner, continually increasing in rich stores of spiritual experiences ; a teacher, blessing and being blessed, may you pursue life's pilgrimage with a step more firm and a heart more joyous, as you approach ' the city which hath foundations, whose Builder and Maker is God.' Our beloved Bishop remarked, a few weeks since, that he thought a minister who preaches the Gospel with his whole heart, has as much of present reward as can be enjoyed in this state of existence. " If my life be prolonged until you be permitted to unite your petitions with those which shall ascend from the heart of your revered parent, will you not sometimes remember how many blessings I need, and how willing God is to give them to me ? And surely I ought to ask you to praise Him for the loving-kindness He has already manifested. A very sinful heart is the recipient of His mercy, but He has been so gentle, so long-suflfering, that I do not fear His love will be exhausted. ' The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me.' If you could know how much transgression has been pardoned — how much ignorance instructed — how much weakness supplied with heavenly strength — you would tell me that I ought, indeed, to 'worship God in the Spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.' " How often, when the cautious tread or touch of the most skilful nurse has been the cause of unutterable agony, and excessive debility rendered me incapable of mental efi'ort, have I felt as though my Heavenly Father came to me, rather than as though I were required to seek His presence. It is such a comfort to be able to say, ' In the Lord have I righteousness and strength !' We could not approach 1848.] LETTERS. 411 tlie confines of eternity with composure, if the unsteady rays of our own faith and love and obedience •were our light to the tomb. But the finished work of Jesus dispels all darkness. Oh, pray that I may fully understand this love. But the lines my pencil is tracing are so increasing in number that I fear sister M. will be long in transcribing them, though she is ever ready to employ herself in my service. " I do not like to say farewell to you, my much-loved friend. It may be that I shall not again receive your ofi'ers of sympathy, but for Jesus' sake, our intercourse will be renewed in Heaven. May the blessing of the Most High be upon you now and for ever. May the joys and sorrows of life all come to you with the inscription, ' God is love.' May every opinion be sanctified, every action done that may be imitated with safety. May the gracious assurance, 'My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest,' cheer your voyage, and accompany your return to the land of your adop- tion. I am not surprised that you cross the ocean to listen to your mother's voice, and cheer her widowed heart. Give her the love of one to whom her son has been a comfort and blessing. May I hope to receive from you a message of epistolary counsel ? " I have been intending, for a long time, to commend my little namesake to your prayers and efforts. "I am, and ever will be, gratefully and affectionately your friend, "S. A." To the Rev. R. Smith. "June 20th, 1848. * * * a J pray, dear Robert, that the privileges enjoyed by the once neglected children whom you have been permitted to con- duct to the Sunday School and sanctuary, are but earnests of still greater blessings. Oh, that the robe of our Redeemer's righteous- ness and a home in Heaven may be their portion ! Oh, that the spirit of the laborer who said, ' Lord, it is done as Thou hast com- manded, and yet there is room,' may ever be yours ! It was his privilege to be sent to the highways and hedges, to gather poor out- casts to the marriage supper. These employments are the higher branches of your collegiate course, and next to the duties of the closet, the best preparation for the ministry. I am not disposed to depreciate the value of classical attainments. With the Alchymist- stone of religion, every acquirement may be turned into gold. It is delightful, indeed, to meet a clergyman who has climbed the hill of science, that he may accumulate treasure to lay at the foot of the 412 LETTERS. [1848. Cross. His learning, placed beneath the Sun of Righteousness, will reflect brilliant rays, and may induce tho beholder to look up to the source whence they proceed. But do you not think, dear Robert, that expressions. are sometimes used in reference to the beneficial influence of great and good men, which derogate from the glory of the Redeemer ? It seems to excite wonder and admiration that they should condescend to enrich the triumphs of the Cross with their rank, wealth and learning. Should not they and their admirers ever remember his humility who said, ' Whose shoe's latchet I am not worthy to unloose.' " * * * To the same. "Aug. 29, 1848. " 'A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.' I am reminded of this declaration of Holy Writ by a remark made several years since by Dr. Scudder, in allusion to his missionary eff'orts in India, and most appropriate it seems to the present position of our Bucks County affairs. * I have had a great many difiBculties, but never a discouragement.' I have read, too, an anecdote in ' Williams's Expedition to the South Sea Islands,' of which I feel disposed to make practical use. After the Gospel had erected its influence in some of the islands, a few of the missionaries deter- mined to visit one for which no effort had been made. As they approached it, the inhabitants were seen collected upon the shore, and as they made signs of a friendly reception, the missionaries landed in their midst. But they soon discovered that these friendly signs were only stratagems, and the poor missionaries were soon despoiled of the tools and other articles which they had taken with them. In addition to all this savage rudeness they were badly beaten, and the bonnets of the female missionaries were torn off. They were obliged to make their escape as soon as possible. Some time after they felt impelled to return, and were delighted to receive a most cordial greeting. They were informed that after their depart- ure, the God of the strangers had visited the island with a dreadful pestilence (I think), and they regarded it as an indication of dis- pleasure at their conduct. They had, therefore, collected their stolen treasures and placed them in a cave, and were fully prepared to prove their repentance by earnest attention to all the instructions their new friends were disposed to give. 'The solitary place was glad for them, and the desert rejoiced and blossomed as the rose.' After many of the natives had become matured in Christian know- ledge, these faithful laborers felt that they must say in other places, 1848.] LETTERS. 413 'The Lord reigneth.' Before their departure the natives assembled, and in one of their parting addresses expressed the most grateful appreciation of the services they had received, and their sense of the loss they would sustain from the deprivations of the female mission- aries, v?ho had not neglected to teach the women to perform the duties of domestic life. Several years have passed since I read this anecdote, but I believe I have related it correctly. " I do not compare the community which surrounds you with these poor idolaters, but I would encourage myself and you to labor on. Would it not be delightful to hear the ascription, ' Thou art the King of Glory, 0 Christ !' ascending from lips which now deny the divinity of our Holy Redeemer ? But I need not ask you this ques- tion, my dear cousin. You have evinced deep interest in the land of your forefathers, and this zeal emanates from a higher source than mere sympathy with my desires, glad as you would ever be to increase my happiness. * * * "I think the Episcopal Church much better suited to the Friends than any other. They love order, and when they are convinced that spirituality is compatible with forms of devotion, they find great com- fort in our 'sweet communion, solemn vows and hymns of love and praise.' You know that I delight in the society of the disciples of Jesus, whatever be their name ; but I am not, therefore, less con- vinced that in offering the privileges of our beloved Church to this community, we shall most adequately meet their spiritual necessities. I would not have our Church exalt herself, but the Cross of our blessed Saviour, and I desire that her ministers may ever be too busily engaged in proclaiming the glory of Immanuel, to dwell too long upon the superiority of our ecclesiastical organization." No one, acquainted with Miss Allibone's sentiments, could have doubted the grief and anxiety wherewith she regarded the growth and prevalence of what is known as the Tracta- rian or Oxford Theology. To her clear and scripturally- enlightened judgment, its hollowness was palpable from the outset. She marked with alarm the rising of the cloud which darkened with a shadow so portentous our ecclesiastical horizon, and distilled upon the vineyard of the Lord dews so blighting and noxious. The system, from its Alpha to its Omega, in its germ and its buddings as well as in its develop- 35 * 414 LETTERS. [1848. ment, Tvas distasteful and repulsive to her soul. She saw clearly its tendency to derogate from tlie honor of her Re- deemer, by putting the Church and the Priest in the place of the great High Priest of our profession, and to substitute ritual and sacramental observances for the work of the Spii'it in the heart. Open as the day, she never concealed her candid convictions on this subject ; and filled with concern for the spiritual and eternal welfare of her friends, she could not refrain from warning them against the insidious tendency of what she looked upon as ^^ another Gospel.'' It would not be easy to find, in the volumes written in exposure of these errors, a more striking portraiture, in few words, of their true character, than in the letter next following: To the same. ' The preparation of the heart and the answer of the tongue, which your attempts to be useful to your fellow-students render so needful, I have asked for you very often. I need not say that I have remem- bered your request to ask for them the best blessings, but I feel reproached that I do not pray for them with greater intensity of in- terest. I have often implored that I might fully realize, that every unrenewed being is on his way to everlasting ruin ; and that I might labor for the conversion of the impenitent, as I shall wish to have done when I stand with them at the judgment-seat of Christ. Philips, in a chapter on 'Pleasing God by doing Good,' asks the reader to place himself in imagination at the judgment-seat. ' See you there no sinner you could have counselled, no neighbor you might have warned ? If it were permitted you to rush across the narrow space which divides the righteous from the wicked, how gladly you would pluck even one brand from the burning I' " ' With supplications will I lead them,' is a promise which I pray may be more and more fulfilled in our experience. Oh, pray much that T, who am so peculiarly dependent upon the teaching of grace, may draw more largely upon its resources for myself and others. If you wish to have your heart warmed, dear R., oifer the petitions of the 119th Psalm. " 1 mournfully respond to the lamentations contained in your last letter. Scarcely any thing has weighed upon my heart so heavily as this imperfect and inadequate theology. It meets not the require- 1848.] LETTERS. 415 ments of this world, nor the world to come. It neither humbles nor exalts; it gives neither godly sorrow, nor true peace. All I have seen of its developments increases my conviction that it is neither the teaching which God has given, nor man requires. The combined wisdom of ancient and modern sages, united with the most dazzling exhibition of rhetorical power in a student of this system of divinity, would, in my estimation, only make darkness visible. ' If the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness !' I bless the Father of mercies that he has given a better theology to my orphan cousin, — even a personal experience of the deep depravity of his na- ture, his entire inability to turn and prepare himself, by his own natural strength and good works, to faith and calling upon God, and has enabled Him to prove that the conviction, ' that we are justified by faith alone is a most wholesome doctrine, and very full of com- fort.' May the Great Teacher ' increase this knowledge, and confirm this faith in you evermore.' It has been deserted by some of its once earnest advocates. Surely, they must have turned away from the Sun of Righteousness to some lesser light, and forgot the bright beams which rested upon the commencement of their spiritual course. God grant that it may never be thus with my cousin R. ' But, be- loved, we are persuaded better things of you, and things which accom- pany salvation, though we thus speak.' " * * * To J. II. S. " July, 1848. " Oh that your whole life, dear H., may be a history of fulfilled promises, emphatically as it has verified the assurance that God is ' the helper of the fatherless.' Now that His kind guidance has con- ducted you to the important position in which you stand, my mental eye rests upon you with no ordinary interest; and I resume our long suspended correspondence, that I may assure you of that you already know, for you have not doubted that the prayers and sympathy of your cousin Susan are yours. But my petitions for you are not as frequent and fervent as your necessities require, and I wish you would pray that an enlarged spirit of intercessory prayer may be granted me. Oh, ' take to arm you for the fight,' the panoply of God, my dear cousin. You take the Gospel trumpet into your hand at a time when it is peculiarly needful that it give no uncertain sound. Let its loud clear notes of warning be mingled with such melodious tones of tenderness, that you shall prove that you have deeply im- bibed his spirit who exclaimed, ' Oh ! Jerusalem ! Jerusalem ;' As 416 LETTERS. [1848. a soldier of the Cross, and a fullower of the Lamb, may you faith- fully proclaim and beautifully exemplify the truths of religion. Do you ask, 'Who is sufficient for these things?' Let the response be so promptly impressed upon your heart, by the Holy Spirit's influ- ence, that despondency shall never for a moment succeed your ques- tion. " Oh that you, my dear cousin, may be as great a comfort and blessing to many a stricken one as my dear Dr. Clark was to me. Oh, that your character and counsels may be as elevated and faithful as those which are written upon the memories of those who best know the two departed Rectors of St. Andrew's Church. " Behold a witness nobler still, Who trod affliction's path, Jesus, the Author, Finisher, Rewarder of our faith.' " To her Cousin, Mrs. C. S. 0. "August, 1848. " I do not remember wJicn I hc(/an to love thee, dearest , nor have I ever ceased to. The stream of affection, deepening and widen- ing as it rolls along, sometimes overflows its banks ; and often would a sheet of paper be its channel, if there were no physical inability to obstruct its course. The pleasant memories of my childhood become still more affectionate as they mingle with recollections of the sym- pathy which has been elicited by the infirmities of this frail tene- ment, and the departure of my best-loved earthly friend. The ' gathered ties of years' are not all that bind our hearts, dear , nor are they half so strong as the chain of Christian intercourse, interwoven with so many links of united prayers, of ^mutual solicitude for the eternal weal of those we love, — and rejoicing, that so many for whom we asked heavenly blessings have received ' fulness of joy, and plea- sures for ever more.' 0 ! that we may be drawn together into the sheltered cleft of the Rock of Ages ! away from self, away from sin, away from every thing that would interpose between our souls and the unclouded light of our Redeemer's countenance. 1 often think of our Saviour's prayer, ' I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold the glory which Thou hast given me.' This means more than we can express, more than we can imagine, and oh how much ! — to be with Jesus; to gaze upon His Holiness ; to live upon His love ; to forget our own white robes and reflected brilliancy in the eternal contemplation of 1848.] DIARY. 417 His glory ! Is it a great thing that we suffer a little while, since we shall enjoy so much for ever ? And not in anticipation alone does the happiness of the believer consist; ' Beloved, noio are we the sons of God.' O that we were ever ' making melody in our hearts unto the Lord !' Oh that the low sweet notes of contrition, meekness and submission may be ever combined with the glad vibrations of grati- tude and praise, and mingle with the harmony of a holy life. But it is only the heavenly harpers who sing without discord. Sinful as my heart is, my beloved , there is gladness there. My Saviour has washed away my sins, and covered my soul with the Robe of His Righteousness. Do not grieve that my life draweth nigh to the grave, for it is a quiet resting-place for a worn-out frame, and Heaven receives the ransomed spirit. Neither be too much pained if my pilgrimage be protracted, and suffering increase ; for no emergency can equal the power and love of God, and there will never be a mo- ment when our High Priest will not be 'touched with a feeling of our infirmities.' Among the many evidences of thy affection, I feel onost thankful for the petitions which ascend for me. I shall never know, in this world, how much I am indebted to the prayers of my Christian friends. I need humility more than any other grace of the Spirit, and I think the prayerful contemplation of our Redeemer's work and character is the most certain channel through which this gift is conveyed to the soul ; therefore pray that my spiritual vision become more distinct, and be fixed upon the Cross, where ' mercy and truth are met together.' I feel deeply for Dr. and Mrs. H., and increasingly desire all their children may live ybr ever." From lier Diary. '■^Aug. 9th, 1848. — I consider Dr. S.'s visit, the day after his arrival, an answer to prayer, though I did not expect to have seen him so soon. He prayed fervently, and I felt that his visit was indeed pastoral. St. Andrew's was my spiritual birth-place, and must ever be the home of my heart. My name, I trust, will never be removed from the list of her com- municants, until I be removed to the upper sanctuary. " Dr. S. has engaged to administer the Communion to me on Friday. My Saviour, I come to Thee for preparation. Let this preparation be an emptying of self, and simple trust in Thy merits. Even faith, were it bright and strong as it 2b 418 PiARY. [1848. ought to be, I would not present as a claim upon Tliy bless- ing. I offer Thy own name. Thy precious blood, Thy glo- rious righteousness. " lOi^/i. — Dr. S. remarked, 'I do not ask commendation, I do not ask courtesies or compliments, but I ask the prayers of my people ; and if I have their prayers, I know I shall have their love.' " How very true it is that we love any one for whom we pray a great deal. Even those whose sins and follies would excite disgust, and ' the wrath of man, which worketh not the righteousness of God,' become objects of tender compas- sion when they are presented for healing to the Great Physi- cian. How often have the former feelings been excited in my sinful heart, and then reproved and changed by the blessed Spirit of God into pity and love ! "Ocif. 12i7i. — I should like to make some notes of a visit from Muser, the converted African, and of some letters from him that Mrs. Minor read me, but I hope these manifesta- tions of the love of the Most High are more legibly recorded upon my heart than they can be in my Diary." Notes. " In her prayer-book, near the words, ' I will not leave you comfortless,' I found written, ' A fulfilled promise.' " Thursday, — She reproached herself for not having re- membered to send ' Nelson's Cause and Cure of Infidelity' to the man in whom she had become interested. " She has written in her Bible, as a comment on the 8th verse of the first chapter of Haggai, ' Go up to the moun- tains, and bring word, and build the house, and I will take pleasure in it, and will be glorified, saith the Lord' — ^Tlie Bucks County Church.'' ^^Aug. 5th. — Susan thinks writing works of fiction a miserable occupation for an immortal being, when there is so much beautiful truth. 1848.] CONVERSATION. 419 " Speaking of tlie text, ' If ye love me, keep my com- mandments,' she is more than ever convinced that this is the way to be religious. " 2Sd. — She said, searching for an article without a light was like acting without prayer. She alluded to a comparison which had pleased her, of a camelia, which, lovely as it is, disappoints by its want of fragrance, to a beautiful person without religion. " With how much emphasis did dear S. speak of her mo- ther, of not remembering one instance of a compromise of principle in her. She was so truthful, so averse to speaking ill of others, so bright and lovely, conveying as perfect an assemblage as I ever beheld, of beauty, dignity and matronly charms. She taught us to respect, confide in and love her, and great was the blessing of owning such a parent. " Susan thinks every person who has reason should take care to consecrate it. "When speaking of the Bucks County Church project, Susan seemed to think she could not be discouraged. Said, ' There is always material, where there is one immortal soul.' " Wednesday. — Susan seemed very sprightly. She won- dered which would wear out first, her chair, or herself. She said she believed there never was a person who faded, and drooped, and withered, with less regret. "She thought these wrong views are like a dark passage out of the castle of Truth, which leads one wherever he chooses to go. "■JSfov. Sth. — Susan has had a great deal of pain. She remarked, 'If you give persons your hours of prayer, you give them one of the most blessed gifts the Lord has given you.' She desired that whatever He gives us here. He would give us glory and His presence hereafter. " She thinks there is no compliment to an author so great as to say that he reminds you of the Bible. Archbishop 420 CONVERSATION. [1848. Leigliton receives from lier, as she terms it, ' this involun- tary tribute.' " She thought, when speaking of the absent, if others were acquainted with the bad traits of their character, it was not necessary to inform them ; and if they were not, it was best not to enlighten them. Thus doing away with speaking of the faults of others entirely. '■^Sunday, Nov. 2d. — She talked to-day of 'Imputed Righteousness;' thought it strange that the term should be objected to, when the expression is used in the Bible. " 5^7<. — She spoke of having struggled through a great many difficulties at the commencement of her religious life, but was glad she had not been accustomed to hear of religion without seeing it practised. " She spoke in the most animated manner of our blessed Saviour, of loA'ing to turn to Him, to be alone Avith Him, to love Him better than her earthly friends ; and of being with Him. Repeated the passage, ' Such an High Priest became us.' " She thinks prayer and reading, without self-exammation, like watering a garden without weeding it. " A great sorrow, she says, swallows up little ones, and then that is cast upon the Saviour. She does not think of Heaven so much as a rest from suffering, as a place of holi- ness. She remarked, of her sufferings, ' It is a great com- fort to me that the pain I have is doing its work.' " Speaking of the effect of the lamp, 'She would not like to turn away from the Sun of Righteousness, as she had to do from lesser lights.' " Letter to a Lady. " Dec. 7, 1848. "If you were with rue, dear L., I would tell you bow much I have regretted the postponement of my promised letter, but I must not expend my little strength in apologies. " When we first met, my heart was filled with an earnest desire that you should surrender your affections to the only Being who is 1848.] LETTER. 421 ■worthy to receive tlicm ; and I told you of the devoted piety of my departed friend, dear Lucie, with the hope that the Holy Spirit would impress the lessoa. Dear L., let your aim be high ; let your step be ever onward. Onward ! do I say ? Have you indeed been arrested in that path of danger which is pursued by every child of Adam, so long as he continues unreconciled to his Maker; and have your feet been turned toward Mount Zion, the city of the living God ? Has the Holy Spirit taught you that, young as you are, you have violated the law of the Most High, and are condemned by that law ? And, forsaking all other dependence, have you accepted the offers of salvation which are extended by Him who was * made sin for us, who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him' ? " The information your brother gave me, that you have assumed the vows of baptism, encourages the hope that you can give an af&rmative answer to all these questions ; for I trust this public con- secration of yourself to God was the result of secret and unreserved surrender to His service. ' Give me thine heart,' is the requisition of our Father in Heaven. If it were not so, we might well hesitate to present an oifering so unworthy. "How free is the gift of salvation, and how simple the terms upon which it is proposed ! ' Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.' And we can go to the Giver of every good gift for this faith which is required; so there is nothing which need keep us away from Him. At the foot of the Cross we learn to repent, to love and to obey. Is it not an unspeakable consolation to have such a Saviour? One who is a Counsellor, a Prophet, Priest and King. Go to Him, dear L., with every sin, every sor- row, every perplexity. • Be not afraid, only lelievc' But whilst our Pleavenly Father so freely dispenses his mercies, He insists that we shall forsake all else for Him. He teaches us by His Word (and our own experience confirms the assertion), that the gaieties of fashionable life are uncongenial with His service, nor will He permit the indulgence of any sin. I have always observed that those disciples of the Saviour who have been most conspicuous for their resemblance to Him, have been remarkable, also, for their diligent attention to the means of grace. Whilst their motto has been ' Looking unto Jesus,' they have loved to rise early, to com- mune with Him in secret prayer; they have delighted in the Scrip- tures, and have 36 422 WINTER CHEERFULNESS. [1849. ' Walked the happy round That circles Zion's holy ground, And gladly swelled the choral lays That hymned their great Redeemer's praise.' " They have b^eil attentive to the essential duty of self-examina- tion ; they have proved, by their practical application of the com- mands of God, that their religion was not a beautiful theory, but a living principle. They have been more fearful of grieving the Holy Spirit by uuwatchfulness, levity and irritability, than those whose standard has been 1-ess exalted ; and as they have pressed on, they have learned so much of the character of their Maker, that their self-abasement has become greater and greater, and they unite in the ascription, ' Not unto us, oh Lord, not unto us, but unto Thy name be the praise.' " Would you be such a Christian, my dear young friend ? Re- member the promise,' ' Call upon me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things which thou kncwest not.'" * * From her own Diary. ''Feb. ISth, 1849, Sunda't/.— ' AW Thj works shall praise Thee, 0 Lord, and Thy saints shall bless Thee.' " I am reminded of this passage by the little birds which Lave been flying from branch to branch of the pine-tree near my windoAV. Snow is upon the ground, and the air is very cold, but when the eye is resting upon the green tree, and these joyous birds, one mignt almost forget that it is not summer. How appropriate an' emblem of the consolations of religion, of the hopes which cheer my heart ! " My subjects of meditation, for some mornings, have been the lltli and 12th verses of the first chapter of Colos- sians. This is the experience which I pray may ever be mine, for Jesus' sake. " I have been asking my Heavenly Father to sanctify my faithful Sarah, and to forgive me because I have not been i^iore faithful to her. How much more useful an influence I might have exerted, and how much more earnestly I might 1849.] CONVERSATION. 423 have prayed for her ! Indeed, I have the same source of regret in reference to all my friends. " What would be my hope, and where my consolation, if my title to the joys of heaven were dependent upon the per- fect performance of a single duty? My Saviour, it is upon Thy righteousness, upon Thine only, that I depend. ' Search, prove my heart, it looks to Thee.' Let there be nothing there which belongs to myself." . I^otes. ^'■June Id. — This morning S. told me to think how many prisoners and captives there were. Sarah said, ' You are a prisoner, too.' 'I am a prisoner of the Lord,' she replied. " Speaking to Miss of her present situation, she said, ' Any position from which we are enabled to see the world above more closely, is one for which we ought to be thank- ful.' " Speaking of cholera, ' What a remedy is the " Balm of Gilead," if it is only applied !' "Alluding to the 91st Psalm, she dwelt upon our being preserved not only from evil, but from the fear of it. She says people have twice as much trouble in passing through life as they need have. " Quoting the text, 'Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers,' she said, ' How differently things look, when viewed in the light of worldly policy, instead of in the light of God's Word !' '■'■Juyie 29th. — She remarked, ' When we forget to pray for a friend, we do not know what need that friend may be in.' "To-day she wished us, when we thought about the Church, to cast it upon the Saviour. ^'•July Sfh. — She spoke, this morning, of Archbishop Leighton's remark, ' When mercy and peace dwell within the heart, knock who will, they only will reply ' 424 CONVERSATION. [1849. " When "sve talked of anticipated excursions, she said, play- full}", that she thought of being carried to the window. When sitting for her daguerreotype, she spoke of the necessity of being quiet under our Heavenly Father's hand, if we would reflect the image of the Saviour. '■'•Sunday, July l^th. — She told little S. that she must not grieve God, who had given her all those beautiful things, by breaking His holy Sabbath. " 29d. — When I spoke of having but four scholars in the colored class to-day, she replied, ' Oh, one's enoun;h to labor over a life-time. AVe don't realize, in that way, enough, the Avorth of the soul.' ^'Nov. 11th. — It is eleven years since Susan walked down stairs. When F. said it was well she could not foresee so 1850.] LETTERS. 459 many years of suiFerlng, she replied, ' I might have tno-mi, as I do now, that the Lord wouhi be with mc' " Of the church which she is so interested in building she said, ' I don't want a dollar of compromise-money in that church.' "'The Holy Spirit,' she said, 'is never a Comforter un- less He is a Sanctifier too.' "13^7i. — Susan is worse to-day. She remarked that she did not bear her own burdens, and she did not want any one else to share them. f " Spoke of the beauty of the text, ' He shall not be afraid of evil tidings : his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord.' " To Rev. Mr. D. "Dec. 6, 1850 " Almost every day the thought occurs, I would like to write to Mr. D. Very pleasant is the recollection of our intercourse. Our Saviour's all-sufficiency was the theme, and this is a subject of inex- haustible interest to the sinner, who would be saved — to the sufferer, who would be comforted — to the ignorant, who desires instruction. And then, to hear and to speak,of our blessed Redeemer as a well- tried Friend, of whom all we have learned increases our desire to know more, is one of the joys with which 'a stranger intermeddleth not.' i "He has been to me, my dear Mr. D., Uhe shadow of a great rock in a weary land,' ' my shield, my glory and the lifter up of mine head.' Wonderful, indeed, has been the gentleness with which He has conducted me along the path of suffering! That such a path has been chosen for me is a proof both of wisdom and of love. That it should have been made so pleasant, is an illustration of the truth that ' the Lord doth not willingly afflict nor grieve the children of men,' but administers the rod of discipline with a countenance so full of benignity, and so many words of encouragement, that the wound is inflicted and healed at the same moment. It is humiliating that we require so much chastening ; it is more humiliating that the peaceable fruits of righteousness grow so slowly in soil upon which so much culture has been bestowed ; but it is an unspeakable conso- lation to know that an omnipotent Being has assumed the task of our sanctification, and will ' work in us to will and to do.' Will we 460 CHRISTMAS. [1850. not be very glad when we have learned to sing, ' Worthy is the Lamb that was slain/ without one note of discord ; when self shall have been quite forgotten in the contemplation of our Redeemer's glory? And even now that we do nothing as we ought, how safe and tran- quil we are, since we are ' accepted in the Beloved/ and are ' com- plete in Him.' " I had not talked with you long, before I discovered that the theology I have found strong enough to bear the pressure of all my necessities, was yours also ; and how much was I gratified to learn that my beloved pastor. Dr. Clark, who bore such faithful testimony to the truth we love, was your spiritual friend. * The memory of the just is blessed,' is an assertion of Scripture peculiarly applicable to him. The love of Christ was the constraining motive of his life ; and but a day or two before his death, when he was almost too ill to speak, he said to sister M., ' My hope is Jesus ! Jesus !' All physi- cal discomfort is over now and every sorrow forgotten, for the Lamb is the light of the city in which he dwells. ' Let saints below His praises sing, With those to glory gone. For all the children of our King In Heaven and earth are one. ' One army of the living God, At His command we bow; Part of the host have crossed the flood, And part are crossing now.' " May our Father in Heaven, who has vouchsafed you an intense desire to persuade many wanderers to become your fellow-pilgrims to the laud of promise, direct and bless your every effort." Notes. " Of a Tractarian book which some one gave her, she said it seemed to have been written by a person with a perplexed mind. '■'•Dec. 25th. — Susan says she never woke with sweeter feelings on a Christmas morning. She told me that tears of joy came into her eyes at the prospect of going up. She spoke of no Christmas excitement being comparable to quiet prayer. "28f7j. — She was suffering more than usual, but had the 1850.] CONVERSATION. 461 prayer-meeting in her room. Repeated, ' Lo, what a cloud of witnesses,' and prayed very solemnly that all there mio-ht be sheltered in the Rock of Ages, as we were from the storm that raged around. She brought most vividly before the mind the state of those who, being without the Ark, were ex- posed to the lightning of God's displeasure. '■'■Dec. 2>lst. — She was much pleased with a sentiment written by Dr. Judson in a Prayer-book, in which a friend desired to have his autograph. ' Dr. Judson takes great plea- sure in inscribing his name in the book of devotions used by so many of the people of God. " Grace, mercy and peace be multiplied upon all them that love the Lord Jesus Christ in sincerity." ' " CHAI'TER XXII. 1851. Interest in F/tt'irn Missions — Letters on the subject to Kev. R. Smith — Mr. Smith's Devotion to the Work, and Early Death — Letter to Dr. N. — Another sharp Affliction — Letter of Consolation — Dr. Gor- don's Life — Letters : to Rev. Mr. D., on Entering the Ministry : to an Invalid Youth — Visit from an aged Christian. The Foreign Missionary cause had no warmer friend tlian Miss Allibone. Her unwearied and energetic efforts for the spiritual welfare of those immediately around her never so absorbed her love and zeal, as to render her unmindful that multitudes of those for whom Christ shed his blood were en- veloped in the thickest midnight of error and sin. To her enlarged charity "the field was the world." To her faith the final triumph of the Gospel was indubitable. "I love to meet any one," she said, " who heartily approves of Foreign Missions." A friend remarks, " How ardent was her mis- sionary spirit ! How her heart yearned with pity over the heathen world, and with what Qxulting joy did she look for- ward to the time when they shall remember themselves and turn to the Lord! From her bed of sickness, as from an eminence, she saw things in their true proportions. She viewed the missionary's trials, discouragements, separation from friends, sacrifice of health and life, in the light of the glory that should follow. She viewed the perishing state of the heathen as He viewed it who ' so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.' And she deemed it an ex- ceeding favor to be allowed any part in bringing them to the knowledge of their God and Saviour." (4G2) 1851.] THE YOUTHFUL MISSIONARY. 463 The two letters following were addressed to lier cousin, Robert Smith, then a student in the Theological Seminary at Alexandria, while he was meditating the deeply interesting point of his personal self-devotion to Foreign Missions. His confidential friend and adviser replies with undisguised plea- sure at the suggestion, and dwells upon the exceeding privi- lege and happiness of the work. But the spirit which her letters breathe is nothing akin to unreflecting impulse or romantic enthusiasm. Her counsels are sober and enlightened, while her soul glows with divinely-enkindled ardor. She urges her young relative to count the cost, and satisfy himself that the callw^as from God. Mr. Smith was soon led to the decided conviction that it was his duty to carry the gospel message to benighted Africa. With a heart full of love for souls perishing through lack of knowledge, he threw himself into the work. But the Master whom he served accepted the desire of his heart, instead of a protracted life of labor and self-denial. After a few weeks' sojourn in Western Africa, and giving indications of the true spirit of an Evangelist, he was taken to that bright world whither his faithful spiritual counsellor had, but a few months before, preceded him. Although he fell in the prime of life, full of promise and energy, yet can it be supposed that either of the two sainted friends now regret the determination, or would w^isli the step recalled ? Words of thankfulness and confidence were on his dying lip. His term of service, though brief, was long enough to glorify his Redeemer, and leave an example of heroic devotedness to the great and blessed cause of evan- gelizing the heathen. "None of those things moved him, neither counted he his life dear unto himself, so that he might finish his course with joy, and the ministry which he had re- ceived of the Lord Jesus to testify the gospel of the grace of God." While these sheets were passing under the author's eye, the intelligence was received of the unexpected re- moval of him to whom these letters were directed, and 464 LETTERS. [1851. we may be pardoned for turning aside for a moment to drop the tear of sympathy and utter the thanksgiving of faith over his early grave. To the Rev. R. Smith. "Jan. 4, 1851. " There is much in my heart, upon the subject of missions, which I have never expressed to you, my dear cousin. Your recent letters have touched a chord whose vibrations would have reached you long ere this, if I could have gratified my earnest desire. I trust I have not a friend whom I would not encourage to say among the heathen, ' The Lord reigneth,' if I were assured he would go at His bidding, and in His strength. I am glad when I learn that a missionary spirit has inspired any heart, and am rejoiced that my beloved cou- sin, and some of his fellow-students, are inquiring whether it may not be their privilege to be the first to proclaim to some of their fel- low-sinners that Jesus has died for them. They need the Gospel so much that it should not be withheld, and it is a selfish policy which would chill the ardor of those who are willing to tell them that ' there is balm in Gilead, and a Physician there.' It should be enough for the friends of every missionary that ' the Lord hath need of him.' " I have endeavored to pray much that you and your friends may know the will of our Father in Heaven, and * by His merciful guiding may perform the same.' If this fire be not of the Lord's kindling, it will probably be soon extinguished. And in such a case, it would be well if it were. There are stern realities in missionary life ; there are high and holy duties to be performed ; and he whose sufficiency is not of God will soon grow weary. Mere human energy shall fail, And youthful vigor cease, But those who wait upon the Lord, In strength shall still increase.' " I have often quoted a promise we cannot test too fully, and ■ I will quote it again: 'In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.' I have desired that you might be a foreign missionary, that you might be endued with a spirit which would make you willing to be any thing, to labor any where. Therefore, I bid you ' God speed' in every prayer and every eiFort for the ex- tension of our Redeemer's kingdom." * * * 1851.] FOREIGN MISSIONS. 465 To the same. " March 7th, 1851. " I suspect, dear Robert, that my days of letter-writing are almost over, since I am scarcely capable of the eflfort of even a pencilled communication ; but a powerful impulse urges me to encourage you to ' press towards the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.' Earnest is my desire that, if our Father have indeed inspired you with a missionary spirit, you may ' confer not with flesh and blood,' but may receive a blessed answer to the con- tinual petition, * Lord, what wilt Thou have me to do ?' I do not observe in your letters any deficiency in simplicity of heart, but am thankful that you anticipate labor and self-denial in our Redeemer's service as a privilege of which you are not worthy, and well may you employ these terms. If St. Paul was astonished at the condescen- sion which permitted him to cast his powerful intellect and carefully accumulated stores of learning into the service of his Redeemer; if this once proud Pharisee exclaimed, * Unto me, who am less than the least of all saints, is this grace given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ,* — it does not seem too much that you, or any of your fellow-students, or indeed the most useful and able of those who have been already commissioned to proclaim the Gospel, should expend all the talent and strength God may have given you in persuading Ethiopia to ' stretch out her hands unto God.' Your companions, who have united with you in imploring direction upon this important subject, are often remembered in my prayers. " I do not believe that a true-hearted missionary ever went to heathen shores, who did not first encounter vigorous opposition from ' the world, the flesh and the devil.' This is, indeed, an offensive war upon the kingdom of darkness. Satan is not willing that his iron bands should be displaced, that our Redeemer's easy yoke may be their substitute. Society, so ready to applaud the enterprising spirit of the young man who goes to distant climes to seek wealth or learning, or to shed human blood, grieves greatly over him who wastes his energies and risks his life in pointing the poor heathen to the only true riches, the most important knowledge and the blood which was shed for him. Yes, and the heart also must surely whisper many suggestions which require the resistance of the martyr, who saw his wife and children, as he passed on to the fire which was to remove him from their sight, and exclaimed, striking his breast, 'Flesh, stay thou!' It is a glorious privilege to be a missionary, 2e 466 LETTERS. [1851. and if the Father of the fatherless should thus favor my orphan cousin, I will bid him God speed. I do not mean that I expect to be among the friends to whom you will say farewell, but will give you my parting salutation now. It is only if the Lord will, I would have it thus. " In spirit, dear Eobert, always press onward. Simplicity of faith, peculiar holiness of life and untiring zeal are the blessings I desire for you. 'Add to your faith virtue, and to virtue knowledge,' is a wise injunction. That you may be a diligent student, not only of the most important branch of clerical education — experimental reli- gion — but of the most scriptural system of divinity, is among my hopes and expectations. There is so much diluted theology, that I am increasingly solicitous that you should carry into the pulpit the very essence of the Gospel. You know it is my belief that this is to be found in the imputed righteousness of Christ. I have always found that the sermons and books which have most adequately met my spiritual necessities, have been those in which this theology is most clearly unfolded. " Great is my appreciation of the privileges you enjoy in the Insti- tution which you correctly estimate as a more happy home than any you have ever had. I regard it as a military college, in which many a soldier of the cross is wisely preparing for the battle-field. Whilst you carefully investigate, and greatly prize our scriptural and apos- tolic ecclesiastical organization, you are chiefly desirous to learn to sound the story of redeeming love in tones so clear, so gentle and so penetrating, that the obdurate heart shall be broken and the wounded bound up. * * * "And now I will speak of the event which has caused us all to feel so deeply : the transplantation of the fair flower which was unfold- ing so beautifully — our sweet little Horace. You can scarcely ima- gine how increasingly attractive he had become. His intellectual development was considered very precocious, and his health had greatly improved. His mother was more and more successful in her attempts to teach him to obey, and we expected him to be blest and be a blessing. Nor are we disappointed. The gentle Shepherd of Israel extended His arm of love, and drew this little one into His own immediate presence that He might grant him all good, and I trust his removal will teach many a lesson of profit. His parents are submissive and greatly comforted, but their heart-strings are bleeding." * * * 1851.] LETTERS. 467 To Rev. Dr. N. "January 31st, 1851. " I am glad to have a little strength this evening, that I may at least commence the letter I have so long wished to write to my greatly valued friend. A slate and pencil, with my sister's services as copyist, are my facilities for the accomplishment of this desire, but how much more would I enjoy a visit from you this evening, how much rather have you talk with me of ' the hope of Israel !' " I value the society of my friends in proportion to the profitable- ness of our intercourse, and review with pleasure our many happy interviews. We talked of the immutability of Jehovah, and beheld His glory in the face of Jesus Christ. '' If your painful separation from so many friends be the means, through our Father's great love, of conveying these precious truths to some of the immortal beings who surround you, how rejoiced and thankful you will be ! and it is impossible that the faithful proclama- tion of the Gospel be unaccompanied with rich results; 'for as much as ye know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.' Oh, that you may be enriched with all utterance, and draw so largely from ' the wells of salvation,' that you shall have copious draughts to pre- sent to thirsty pilgrims who come to you for refreshment. There is much controversy in the Church, and much conformity to the world. It is cheering to listen to the Gospel clarion, rising with its full, clear notes above discordant sounds, tuning its oft-repeated melody — ' Glory to God in the highest, peace on earth and good-will to men.' And is not he greatly privileged who brings this music to the weary ones of earth, who tells them of a Saviour ' mighty to save and strong to deliver' ? " I am thankful that the Lord has enabled you to be a cheerful giver to this glorious service, and trust you will find encouragement on your way to Heaven. Do remind the invalids of Toplady's beautiful hymn — 'When languor and disease invade.' It is very expressive. " Wilberforce says he would rather go to Heaven bearing Hannah More's ' Shepherd of Salisbury Plain,' than all the novels Sir Walter Scott ever wrote, and I am very sure that we are under greater obli- gations to Toplady for his three hymns, ' Rock of Ages,' * Deathless Principle,' and the one I have already mentioned, than to the author of the most sublime poem which has not the glory of our Heavenly Father for its object, and the all-suflBciency of our Saviour for its 468 A SHARP AFFLICTION. " [1851. theme. Ob, that intellect were always consecrated ! Oh, that the treasures of wisdom and knowledge which are hid in Christ were more diligently sought ! " Since I know that this investigation will be the employment of a glorified eternity, I take little interest in the speculative views of a future state with which philosophers would furnish us. 'Father, I will that they also whom Thou hast given me be with me where I am, that they may behold the glory which Thou hast given me.' " I suppose your dear mother is learning more and more of this blessed Saviour as she awaits a welcome to His immediate presence. Do tell me much of her when you write. * * * Another domestic affliction pierced the heart of Miss Alli- bone, so alive to others' griefs. The loss by a beloved sister of her only child, was the occasion of the following most touching letter, so deep in its tenderness, so effectual in its consolation. The blow to her sensitive soul was a sore and heavy one ; but however roughly the harp-strings might be struck, they only gave out the same sweet harmony of holy peace and loving acquiescence. To her Sister E. "Feb. 19, 1851. " Until I had prepared this paper to write to you, my dear, dear sister, I did not trust myself to read the note sister F. brought into ray room, nor did I know it was from you. I did not ask, ' How is Horace ?' for I knew the precious child was well forever. I inquired nothing, but I lifted up my heart in prayer, for I needed very much the help I always find in time of need. " Oh ! how strange that so many tears should fall when God has granted me so great a blessing — even the salvation of my sister's only child, who is, indeed, 'bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.' I do thank and bless and love Him for this mercy. He has more than answered all my prayers. He loved our darling one too well to entrust him to any earthly keeping, however tender, however prayerful. We would have it so. Father ! we thank Thee that Thy will is clone. " I knew He would be with you, my poor child. I have asked this of Him again and again with perfect confidence. I knew He 1851.] CONSOLATION. 469 would enable you to glorify Him, and you will always find Him ' a present help.' Only, dear E., do not trust yourself to think : turn every thought to prayer. ' Lead us not into temptation/ is a petition which has often reminded me that I must not indulge myself in reflecting much upon the bereavements I have sustained. " When your cherished one is removed from you, remember ' The dead in Christ repose in guarded rest.' Follow his spirit to its bright Home. Oh, how sweet it will be when you go out of the world to be welcomed by your child to a world of glory, rather than to leave him behind to 'mourn for his mother;' for this is sorrow, indeed. " I have said nothing to my dear brother, but trust ' the Holy Ghost, the Comforter/ has spoken to his aching heart. Dear brother F., this is a great sorrow. You have loved to tell me of the engaging words of your dear child, and your house will seem very desolate; but if you could listen for one moment to the song of praise your boy is singing, you would forget to weep. God will be with you both — witb us all, for Jesus' sake. How much we owe to redeem- ing love ! This is another blood-bought victory. It is the white robe of the Lamb which covers our dear little Horace. And now the benefit ! Lord, be Thou our Teacher. " Do not feel anxious about me : you know I am always comforted. Come to see me as soon as it will be proper. My heart yearns over you with inexpressible affection. How much more is our great High Priest ' touched with a feeling of our infirmities.' He knows all the exquisite sensibilities of a mother's heart. Does not Scripture tell us much, when it records — 'God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son' ? "And now, farewell ! Oh ! would not our blessed faith be worth much, if it were only for such an hour as this !" From her Diary. ^'/Sunday, March 2d, 1851. — Almost two weeks have passed since our sweet little H. was received into the upper sanctuary. This blessing we received with many tears. He was a lovely child, and I am thankful he is so near the Friend of little children. " Does the Christian, who is sustained in the hour of be- reavement, require any further testimony of the truth of our 40 470 CHRISTIAN BIOGRAPHIES. [1851. holy religion ? Does he require to read books of Evidence ? Oh, howl pity — not the sceptic, only — but him who refuses to appropriate the Gospel ! ' The Lord is my portion, saith my soul.' '■'■Marcli ^th. — One very affecting thought has been often impressed upon my mind : ' The Fathe;.' of mercies enables me to glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.' He comes promptly to my aid in the hour of need, or rather is already with me. When I am too weak to speak or even to think with energy, I rest upon my Saviour, and find him all I need. But how do I. requite this kindness ? " I have been listening with deep interest to Dr. Gordon's life. The simplicity of his faith during his illness and in his last moments is instructive and delightful ; but I feel almost afraid that the speculative spirit of his earlier life was ascribed too much to an ardent love of truth and superiority of intellect, rather than to the true source of all hesitation to receive the truths of Scripture — a deficiency in humility and teachableness of spirit. " However, both he and his biographer say much of the importance of coming to Jesus as a little child, and I think his testimony will do much for the cause of Christianity. Oh, that his whole life had been as full of the Gospel as his last hours ! But, alas ! who t3an say that his whole life has been given to the service of our best Friend ? "Dear sister has also been reading to me the Life of the Rev. Henry Owen. ' Fervent in spirit, serving the Lord.' I enjoyed this book greatly. I like those books best in which there is most of the Saviour. ''May 14tL — ' The Lamb is the light thereof.' How little I prize the theology to which this description does not apply ! If our Redeemer's presence will constitute the happiness of heaven, why should it not be sought all the way thither — in intercouse, in books — every where?" 1851.] ENTRANCE UPON TKE MINISTRY. 471 Notes. '^Feh. 9th, 1851. — S. is delighted with the Life of the Rev. H. Owen, and looks forward to meeting him in Heaven. She said that the death of Dr. Bedell taught her a deep lesson. That she was very enthusiastic, and inclined to lean upon an arm of flesh. ^'3Iareh 15th. — The glass being given her to arrange her hair, she repeated, ' For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle be dissolved.* 'It looks very much like being dissolved,' she continued. She spoke of her pleasant room, but said it was only a tent in the wilderness, and repeated the passage, ' He looked for a city which hath foundations.' " To Rev. 31r. D. "May 10, 1851. ''If a less mechanical medium of expression had been at my com- mand, dear Mr. D., you would have long since received my cordial congratulations upon your entrance into the ministry. It is indeed a privilege to be commissioned to proclaim the truths which have so long sustained your own spirit — to say to lost sinners, 'We have seen and do testify that the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world.' " Oh ! that the Holy Ghost may give unto you, and all other ' stewards of His mysteries,' ability to unfold the wonders of redeem- ing love with all the clearness and simplicity which are required by the necessities of the Church and the world ! 'The truth as it is in Jesus ! Oh, how much does this expression comprehend ! How inexhaustible a subject of instruction and enjoyment the tree of knowledge upon whose branches the aspiring spirit may sit with folded wing, whilst she rejoices that the object of pursuit has been fully gained; and then, wondering at the parados of insatiable satis- faction, ascend higher and still higher to gather from each bough more delicious fruit, and repose beneath more refreshing shade ! And thus, as she soars on throughout the ages of eternity, will the summit be still beyond her, for God is infinite, and progression an element of happiness. Can we ask more ? ' The bird that soars -with highest wing, Builds on the ground her lowly nest.' 472 LETTERS. [1851. And thus the recipient of salvation sits at His blaster's feet until he be elevated to a world of glory. Your appreciation of humility, and desire for its attainment, is a proof that you * covet earnestly the best gifts.' Whilst I pray that your posture may be so lowly that you cannot be cast down, I again congratulate you, fervently and affec- tionately, that you are an ambassador of Jesus Christ ! Oh ! that you may be admitted into the presence-chamber of the King of kings, and listen so reverently to the royal message, that you shall be prepared to ascend the pulpit with a firm step, a glowing heart, and irresistible authority ! "I wish you could come to my chamber of sickness, with renewed assurances of our lledeemer's tenderness. It is true you would speak to one who has long rejoiced that * Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners,' to one whose inmost soul would echo the story of His ability to sustain. His readiness to console; but I would ever listen to the welcome sound. I would repent more deeply the sins committed against such mercy. I would believe, love and obey as I have never done before. " If you could be my chaplain, I would invite our poor neighbors to gather around yon, and would also collect some of my affluent friends to be told that they possess nothing." * * * To a Young Relative. " I often think with interest of my dear , who sometimes visited me last summer, and for whom I then determined I would pray very often. Does thee wonder, dear, that thy spiritual welfare should be to me an object of so much deep solicitude ? I feel that the children of my beloved have a peculiar claim upon my prayers and sympathies, and it is my earnest desire also, that all to whom I am related by the ties of kindred should belong to the house- hold of faith. Then too, dear, thee is in the morning of thy days, and our Heavenly Father has given cheering assurances to the youth- ful suppliant. Search for these promises, and plead them in prayer. ' Wilt thou not from this time cry unto Me T * My Father, thou art the guide of my youth.' ' My son, give me thine heart,' is the gentle pleading of a Heavenly Parent's love. Let this be thy response : * Soon as I heard my Father say, My children seek my grace — My heart replied, without delay, I '11 seek my Father's face.' •1851.] THE BEST KNOWLEDGE. 473 "There is one respect, dear, in wliicli we are somewhat similarly situated, and this has often caused me to think of thee with great tenderness and sympathy. Our Father in Heaven has foreseen that it would be best for our immortal interests that we should be deprived of the buoyancy of health, and we have very often found that an excitable nervous system greatly interferes with the intellectual eifort we should so much love to make. Thee may imagine how much I have felt for thee when I was informed, a week or two since, that it was deemed expedient thee should no longer attend school. I remem- ber well how many tears I shed when I was subjected to this trial, for it was my earnest desire to acquire vast stores of information. But I felt even then there was one subject of investigation more im- portant than all the resources of human literature; that there is a path in which even a weary pilgrim might walk; and thither the Holy Spirit directed my steps. I have traversed it during many years of combined suffering and enjoyment. Here I have found the pearl of great price, here I explore the treasures of wisdom and knowledge which are hid in Christ Jesus. Here I am refreshed by the influences of the Holy Spirit, and have learned to count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord. And this is not a solitary way, for the Lord is my Shepherd, He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, He leadethme beside the still waters. Will not my dear young friend share my journey and my repose ? Will not thee even now, on bended knee and with lifted heart, offer the petition, ' Lead me in the way everlasting.' Jesus hath said, ' I am the Way, the Truth and the Life.' Come to Him then with every sin and corruption of thy heart; implore pardoning mercy and sanctifying grace. In every moment of depression remember that our Saviour has promised, * In me ye shall have peace.' To the weary and heavy-laden He hath said kindly, ' I will give you rest.' "Is not the Bible most wonderfully adapted to our necessities? It speaks pardon to the sinner, consolation to the wounded spirit; and we learn from its pages that it is not needful that we should yield for one moment to impatience or despondency, for there it is recorded, ' My grace is sufficient for thee, and my strength is made perfect in weakness.' "Oh that we may ever imitate the example of our meek and lowly Saviour, and let us trace His image in the character of thy dear de- parted sister. I love to think of the placid countenance which told of the peace that passeth understanding. She came, with shattered nerves and debilitated constitution, to Him who is touched with a 40* 474 LETTERS. [1851. feeling of our infirmities. His unutterable love cheered her earthly pilgrimage, and it is her light in heaven. God has wiped away all tears from her eyes, and if she could speak to us from her throne of glory, would she not tell us to pray for grace to glorify our Heavenly Father by meek submission to His holy will, and to prove the suf- ficiency of His grace, by the blessed ' fruits of the Spirit — love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness and faith.' " How much it would please me to receive a reply to this letter, which I have employed my sister's pen to write. " Believe me, dear, with prayerful affection, thine. To a Young Lady. " I have felt a desire to direct your attention to a Friend that 'sticketh closer than a brother,' to Him who is indeed the S. E. L. " Greenwood, Nov. 1st, 1852. "It is with mingled feelings, dear S., that I commence the letter I have so long wished to write thee. I do most truly sympathize with the suffering which has so unexpectedly prostrated thy youthful frame ; and if warm affection would convey me to thy bedside, I should soon be there to minister to thy physical comfort, and speak of the tenderness of the Great Physician. But, S., my heart is very glad on thy account, for I have reason to trust that ' saving health' has been granted thee, — that thee has found Jesus, the Saviour of sinners, the rest of the weary, the ' all in all' of those who receive Him into their hearts. " Oh, that we could present our hearts together in grateful praise for this unspeakable mercy, and that we could commune of Ilim who is ' altogether lovely.' Dear L. B. remarked, in her last illness, ' If I knew any name more expressive than my Saviour, I would use it.' When she read aloud the last chapter of Revelations, her coun- tenance beamed with holy rapture, and her voice became even more musical as she uttered the words^ ' The Lamb is the light thereof And is not this the kind, if not the degree, of feeling which is expe- rienced by all who have accepted the invitation, ' Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest' ? "It is one of the many evidences of our Redeemer's condescen- sion, that although He has done so much to entitle Him to our unwavering confidence, he deals not harshly with us when our faith is weak, but varies the promises of His Word to suit each conflicting state of feeling ; whilst, by the mysterious agency of His Holy Spirit, He causes us to plead these promises in prayer, and to direct a tear- ful eye to that cross from which ever goes forth the blessed sound — ' It is finished !' ' Love's redeeming work is done ; Fought the fight, the victory won.' 1852.] LETTERS. 495 " Our Redeemer's blood has paid the penalty of a violated law. The perfect righteousness of His life has fulfilled its every require- ment, and the believer is 'complete in Ilim/ 'accepted in the Beloved !' Dwell upon the import of these words. This is the joy and rejoicing of my heart. My soul reposes in peace upon the finished work of Jesus, upon the Lord my righteousness. '' Let us not think of ourselves, but of our all-sufBcient Saviour. We are sinful, helpless, — our thoughts often wander, — our faith and love are sadly disproportioned to the Being upon whom they are exercised ; but we go to Jesus as we are, and He receives us for His own name's sake. He will make us all we ought to be. He will not forsake us, now that He has brought us into His fold, for He has said : ' I am the Good Shepherd ; the Good Shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them and they fullow me ; and I give unto them eternal life, and they shall never perish.' " I think, dear S., thee would derive consolation from prayerful meditation upon each verse of the 23d Psalm. It is very profitable, also, to select a passage of Scripture and endeavor to remember parallel texts. I have often composed myself to sleep in thinking of some sweet hymn. ' Rock of Ages' and ' How firm a Foundation' are very beautiful. But remember that an enfeebled frame must not be over-tasked. Our Father in Heaven ' knoweth our frame ; He remembereth that we are dust.' He does not require great mental vigor when we are very sick. Toplady's beautiful hymn expresses the state of mind which is appropriate to such a situation : * Sweet, in the confidence of faith, To trust Ilis wise decrees ; Sweet to lie passive in Ilis hands, And know no will but Ilis.' The Father of mercies is most honored by a simple and cheerful reli- ance upon His promises. I am stire He loves thee, dear S., and feel no anxiety on thy account. " I have thought much of the desire for instruction which thee expressed when I last saw thee. If thee feels that a visit from • would be a gratification, do not hesitate to inform me. He would love to talk with thee of our best and dearest Friend, the great Shepherd and Bishop of souls. " I think thee will enjoy the service for the Visitation of the Sick, 496 LETTERS. [1853 in the Prayer-ljook. lu its language I close my long letter: 'Unto God's gracious mercy and protection we commit thee. The Lord bless thee and keep thee. The Lord make His face to shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee. The Lord lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace, both now and evermore, Amen/ '' To the same. "Greenwood, Oct. 31st, 1853, " I need not assure thee, dear S., that thy last two letters met a very welcome reception, nor that I am only prevented from the fre- quent expression of my many affectionate thoughts by physical ina- bility. How much I wish thee could be with us this evening ! We would ask thee to recline on the sofa. How glad I should be, my own dear S., if thee could be often there. Very pleasant to me is the recollection of our former intercourse, and still more pleasant is the reflection that thy ' fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ.' Truly, this is ' communion sweet, communion large and high.' Has thee ever thought much of the passage, 'The secret of the Lord is with them that fear Him, and He will show them his covenant' ? It is to me full of meaning, and has excited many desires for its complete experience. " One of my friends, who is now an established and active Chris- tian, informed me that in the earlier years of her religious life her attention was attracted by the term ' covenant,' and she endeavored to ascertain the meaning by the careful examination of every text in which it is contained. The Holy Spirit has taught her the security and blessedness of the 'better covenant,' and she now, in the midst of great suffering, rejoices in ' the sure mercies of David.' "How great is my consolation,'dear S., that 'in the Lord Jeho- vah' thee also has found ' everlasting strength ;' and I feel well assured that this confidence has not been disturbed by a recurrence of the symptoms which remind thee of the frailty of thy earthly tabernacle, — and yet that earthly tabernacle is so dear to those who love thee, that they are glad to believe that thy present indisposition is less serious than that which so greatly exercised their apprehension a year since. " Do write to us soon, for we think of thee with tenderness and solicitude. I hoped to have seen thee soon, nor will relinquish this anticipation. " Believe me, dear S., as ever, and forever, thy affectionate friend." 1852.] LETTERS. 497 Earnest commiseration for the outcast and wretched, the spirit of Him who came to seek and to save that which was lost, breathes in the subjoined : Letter to a Prisoner. "Nov. 1852. " I read the note which contains your request that I would ask mercies for you, with tearful eyes and prayerful heart. Yes, my poor fellow-sinner, I will pray for you again and again, and trust that the Holy Spirit who has prompted your desire, and enabled me to fulfil it, will 'raise up His power and come unto you, and with great might succor you.' I trust He will ' reprove you of sin, of right- eousness and of judgment;' that He will take of the things of Jesus, and show them unto you. 'Ask, and ye shall receive ; seek, and ye shall find ; knock, and it shall be opened unto you ;' is our Ptedeemer's exhortation and promise. What earnest importunity is required by this injunction, and how firm should be our reliance upon the faith- fulness of Him who has given us this gracious promise ! "I am not acquainted with the peculiarities of your situation. It is enough for me to know that you have sinned against God, and desire His forgiveness. ' He is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.' ' If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteous- ness.' ' Whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.' * Cursed is every one that continueth not iu all things that are written in the book of the law, to do them.' " Have you ever examined your heart and life by the test of the ten commandments, and considered that the necessity of obedience extends to every thought, as well as every action of your life? Have you ever carefully reviewed the summary of these commands which our Saviour has given us, ' Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself ? Surely we have all sinned, and come short of the glory of God, and I trust you deeply feel that it would be just in Him to condemn you to everlasting banishment from all that is holy, all that is happy. It has been sometimes said, ' God is mer- ciful, and if we sincerely repent and amend our lives, we shall thus secure the pardon of our past offences.' But if this were so. His word would not be true, for He has said, ' The soul that sinneth, it shall die.' 'Without shedding of blood there is no remission,' and if repentance and reformation were the conditions upon which salva- 2 a 42* 498 LETTERS. [1852. tion were offered to the sinner, be coukl not comply. ' The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked.' It is, therefore, incapable of true repentance, or of holiness of life. ' Oh, Israel, thou hast destroyed thyself.' Is this your experience ? Has the Holy Spirit revealed to you the sinfulness of your past life, and the depra- vity of your nature ? And do you feel that you are helpless and undone? Are you weary of sin, and of yourself ? Oh, then, listen to the gentle voice which says, ' Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.' The merciful Sa- viour who gives you this invitation, has paid the penalty your trans- gressions have required. * * * < Qod so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.' 'Whosoever believeth in Him.' Will you not at once accept this salvation purchased at so great a price, and yet so freely offered ? ' To as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even unto them that believe in His name.' " It is true that God requires you to repent, and obey His laws. Every sin must be washed away, every thought must be purified, every sinful practice renounced forever. Our Heavenly Father will have no unholy children. Our Saviour came to save us from our sins, not in them. But we must go to Jesus as we are, that we may be made what we ought to be. We must even go to Him for grace to repent of our sins. * For Him hath God exalted with His right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel.' We must go to Jesus for the very faith which receives Him. ' Look- ing unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith,' we must ap- propriate Him as ' the Lord our righteousness.' He will then become the principle of every holy action^. He will teach us our Heavenly Father's will, and give us strength to obey it. He will sympathize with every sorrow, sustain us in every time of need, cheer us in the hour of death, and shelter us at the day of judgment. Oh, flee for refuge to the hope which is set before you. " Give a message for me. Tell me what blessings you would have me implore for you, but depend alone upon the advocacy of Him who ' ever liveth to make intercession for us.' He is the faith- ful and precious Saviour of the Christian friend who visits you." CHAPTER XXIV. 1853. Unexpected Continuance — Epistolary Efforts — Various Letters — To a Bereaved Parent — Urgent Persuasive to a Youth — To another, press- ing Immediate Repentance — Remarks upon the Psalms — To R. S. — Interest in the Colored Raco — Congratulatory to a Young Disciple — Description of Visit from Dr. Kelley — Work of Grace in Madeira — The Awakened Romanist — Social Affections — Youthful Aspirations —The True Church of Christ— To Rev. J. 11. Fowles in Illness. Contrary to her own expectations, and beyond even the hopes of her friends, the life of Miss Allibone was prolonged from year to year. And each added year was a period of increased devotion and usefulness. The diminution of her bodily strength seemed not to affect the energy and spright- liness of her mind. Although the outward man was perish- ing, the imvard man was renewed day by day. Cut off by increased weakness from some opportunities of doing good, she availed herself more fully of such means as were still within her reach. Of these, one of the most important was her correspondence. Early in the year 1851 she expressed the apprehension that her days of letter- writing were nearly over. This, however, proved not to be the case, to the great comfort and edification of her correspondents. The difiiculty attendant on dictation or on pencilling her letters upon a slate, with closed eyes, did not prevent them from being fre- quent and full. And these memorials of her industry and friendship are more abundant in the last years of her life, (499) 500 LETTERS. [1853. and not less rich, instructive and delightful. Her epistolary efforts have the charm of graceful elegance and conversa- tional ease, while replete with elevated sentiment and holy unction. They are the unstudied outpourings of a warm, sympathizing, sanctified affection, and while specially prized by those who received them, cannot fail to gratify and inte- rest every reader. They indicate also increasing spiritual joy and delight in the Lord, enlarging views and ever-bright- ening hopes. Hers was manifestly the path of the just, shining more and more unto the perfect day ; the progress of one who went from strength to strength, until she appeared before God in Zion. To Mrs. C. S. 0. " January, 1853. "I do not believe T have an absent friend who loves me so well as thee does, dearest , and very often docs my heart prompt an expression of its own warm affection. The long, pleasant talks we have bad are among my treasured recollections, and tbe storehouse of memory is always open with the hope that her riches will be in- creased. Thee can scarcely imagine the pleasure I derive from the reflection that refreshing sanctuary privileges are thy portion. 0 ! that your spiritual teacher may be anointed more and more, and that the holy oil may be poured into every heart in your congregation. Sister E. may have told thee, dear , that several members of her Bible class are seriously impressed. Do include E.'s class in thy daily petitions, and ask also that I -may be so instructed that I shall be enabled to say, ' Behold the Lamb of God which taketh away the sin of the world !' We may pass beyond the elements of human knowledge, but tbe beginning of religious truth is always its end. I have been favored with an unusual number of clerical visits lately, but I doubt not thee has been informed of passing events. I shall not soon forget a most refreshing conversation with Mr. Fowles, a few weeks since. He expatiated upon the goodness which leadeth to repentance, with deep feeling; and I felt, when he left me, an earnest desire to draw more largely from the treasury of grace. " My letter must have an abrupt conclusion ; not so, beloved, the love of thine own." 1853.] LETTERS. 501 To Miss S. "Jan. 17, 1853. "I wish you were with me this afternoon, dear Miss S., that I mifht speak to you the thoughts of encouragement which are in my heart; but as this cannot be, I will trace them with a pencil, and afterwards cause them to be impressed in a more legible form. In making this attempt, I do not forget that you are surrounded by friends deeply interested in your welfare, whose spiritual pupil I would myself gladly become ; but it is my privilege also to ' say to them that are of a fearful heart, be strong' — to congratulate you that holy desires have been awakened in your bosom, and to remind you of the promise, ' Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord.' <' The Shepherd of Israel is very gentle, and I would most affec- tionately urge you to submit yourself to His guidance. I know you have ' gone astray like a lost sheep.' I know you have been far more ungrateful and rebellious than you can possibly realize. I should be very sorry to use language less strong than the declaration which God has made, 'Thou hast destroyed thyself;' but I would not forget that from the Being you have so greatly offended has also proceeded the gracious assurance, ' In me is thy help.' " You tell me, dear Miss S., that you are most deeply affected by a sense of your ingratitude to God ; that you feel as though you would be willing to suffer the punishment you deserve, if you could be forgiven the sin you have committed. This punishment has been already inflicted. 0 ! think, my dear young friend, of the import of those words, *It is finished !' They were spoken by your Saviour, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. Would you add to the finished work of Jesus ? Or will you not, rather, gladly accept the salvation He has purchased at so great a price ? *' Look up from your heart, all heavy as it is, with an accumulated load of transgression, weary with ineffectual attempts to repent, be- lieve and obey, to that compassionate Redeemer who is able to sup- ply your every necessity. 'He died, the Just for the unjust, that He might bring you to God.' He became your Surety, not only by the endurance of the penalty which was demanded by the violation of the righteous Law, but by His obedience to its every requirement. ' This is the name whereby He shall be called. The Lord our Righteousness.' Will you not appropriate such a Saviour as this? * To as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name.' 502 LETTERS. [1853. " The plan of salvation is very simple : our difficulties are of our own creation. Satan, too, is very active in the suggestion of doubts. He gains mucli when he tempts to despondency, which is, indeed, but a refined form of self-righteousness. We look into our own hearts for that which we should never expect to find there, and are, therefore, disappointed. You must not stay away from Jesus until you feel more penitent that you have grieved Him. Draw very near Him, that you may see the light of His countenance, and listen to His assurances of pardoning love. You will then learn the meaning of true repentance, and if you live many years, and always grow in grace, your godly sorrow will become more tender and more deep. Then, all the blessed fruits of the Spirit will spring up in your heart, and unspeakable will be your happiness. I believe these blessings are in store for you, and in the anticipation of them all, I offer you the affectionate congratulations of your friend." To the Autlior. "Jan. 26, 1853. " ' All things are yours, whether Paul, or Apollos, or Cephas, or the world, or life, or death, or things present, or things to come ; all are yours, and ye are Christ's, and Christ is God's.' " With this assurance of Holy Scripture, I transmitted to our young friend the letter which I knew she would be so glad to receive, and I thank you very affectionately, Right Rev. Sir, for the expres- sions of Christian sympathy which are my portion of your communi- cation. " It is my unspeakable happiness to have been taught, not by the words of inspiration alone, but by the experience of many years, that ' 'we have not an High Priest whish cannot be touched with a feeling of our infirmities,' and to have received through His servants many messages of comfort and instruction. Among these, I include with pleasure the visit and letter with which you have favored me. They were greeted with a more cordial welcome, because I have been so long accustomed to sympathize with your endeavors to extend the doctrines which I believe to be intimately connected with the truth of Scripture and the prosperity of our beloved Church. " I earnestly desire that the Holy Spirit may enable me to com- ply with your request that I should pray ' for the Watchmen upon the walls of Zion, whose responsibility is so great, and whose trials at the present time are neither few nor light.' I am thankful that you have been already made willing to ' endure hardness as a good 1853.] LETTERS. 503 soldier of Jesus Christ/ and am not surprised at your realization that there will be much necessity for further aid from the ' Captain of our salvation.' It means much at the present time to be a Christian, to be a Protestant, to be a Bishop. There are 'perils among false brethren/ as well as the onset of the open foe. " The atmosphere is enervating ; many soldiers are sleeping at their posts ; and they who wake and watch would survey the scene of action with heavy hearts, if they did not hear the animating voice of their Commander, 'Ye are they which have continued with me in my temptation ;' ' Lo ! I am with you alway, even to the end of the world.' ' I shall have rest enough with my Saviour !' was the re- mark of a young girl who suffered much from physical disease, and surely this may be the response of the warrior who fights the battles of the Lord. There is a ' discharge in that war.' Oh, how peaceful the repose, how ecstatic the joy of him who has been ' valiant for the truth on the earth,' who has instructed the ignorant, confirmed the inexperienced, comforted the sorrowful and inspired the earnest with more zeal, when he shall be greeted by them all in the presence of that Saviour, upon whose redeeming love and perfect righteous- ness he delighted to dwell, as he led them in their pilgrimage to the promised land. "I am glad that an innumerahh company will enjoy the happi- ness of Heaven, for ' the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall lead them / and since we have learned even here that He is a blessed Saviour, how much more fully shall we appreciate His charac- ter when we behold Him with unclouded vision ! " That all of self and sin may be laid at my Redeemer's cross, and that He may be all my strength, my joy and righteousness, I trust you will sometimes pray; and in return for this best oflBce of Christ- ian sympathy, accept, dear sir, the heartfelt thanks of ." To Rev. 3Ir. D. " Feb. 2, 1853 * * * u jf all jjjy affectionate remembrances had been im- pressed in legible characters, very many effusions would have been transmitted from Greenwood to Magnolia, and among the most ear- nest of these would have been my thanks for your last letter, " I appreciate the sympathy which has been elicited by the report of my increasing debility, and fervently respond to all you tell me of the wisdom and tenderness of my Heavenly Physician. My heart echoes your remark, ' His way is your way.' 604 LETTERS. [1853. " Willingly, gladly, I accept the chastisement I so much require, and although I realize that the furnace of physical suffering is one seven times heated, I know I shall be taken out of it with nothing consumed but the dross from which I desire to be forever separated. Oh ! the holiness of Heaven ! Surely, this is its highest joy, and the * nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it.' To be saved from self, to be saved from sin, will be far better than to be saved from suffering. ' This is the heritage of my servants, and their righteousness is of Me, saith the Lord.' Can you imagine any other, in which we could or would appear in the presence of the ' High and Holy One that inhabiteth the praises of eternity.' Since it is alone in His beloved Son that He is well pleased, we are most thankful to relinquish every other boast, and hide ourselves in Him. We have tested the security and repose, the strong consolation of the Refuge which has sheltered us; and since the Holy Ghost has commissioned you to persuade men to flee to the Kock of our salva- tion, I * bless you in the name of the Lord.' " To Rev. Dr. May. "Feb. 5, 1853. '' Every word of your letter, dear Dr. May, was acceptable and appropriate. Unworthy as I am of the safety, the unspeakable bles- sedness, of the membership with ' the Holy Catholic Church,' and the participation in the * Communion of Saints,' upon which you congratulate me, I thankfully accept the warm hand of Christian brotherly kindness you extend. " After I believed, I was ' sealed with that Holy Spirit of promise which is the earnest of our inheritance,' and I therefore pursue my journey through the wilderness wkh constant joy in my heart; but since I bear with me many spiritual and physical infirmities, I am always glad when I hear the kind voice of a fellow-pilgrim speak to me the words of encouragement and instruction. I listen most atten- tively when it tells me, as you have done, that Jesus is my righteous- ness. He, 'sin for us' — we, 'the righteousness of God in Him;' and every intellectual conviction, every affection of the heart, all my ex- perience as a sinner and as a Christian responds to your remark, < here is the sum of the Gospel ;' and that the merits of His obedi- ence, as the passion that He bore in our stead, must be imputed to us ere ' God can be just, and the justifier of Him that believeth.' Every other system of theology seems to me derogatory to the charac- ter of God, and inadequate to the necessities of the sinner. I appre- 1853.] LETTERS. 505 eiate most higbly those clergymen and those books, in whose teach- ing the doctrine is most prominent, and in its appropriation I sing the song, 'I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He hath clothed me with the garment of salvation. He hath covered me with the robe of righteousness.' " You ask me if I have not seen the depth of ruin in sin from ■which I am redeemed, and the unspeakable height of grace to which I am raised. The Holy Spirit has taught me enough of these truths to excite an earnest desire to understand them more perfectly. I learn slowly, but have a gentle and patient teacher, who will not dis- continue His instructions. " When for a moment, and a moment only, the thought, I am an orphan, impressed itself with agonizing power, and when my sister, who loved me with almost maternal tenderness, was so suddenly wel- comed to the Home in which her treasure long had been, and the tidings came to me; 'the Everlasting Arms were underneath,' and I found them a peaceful and blessed resting-place. I am surprised that I should have written this, but your letter has touched a chord of deep feeling, and its vibrations have not ceased. ' Oh praise the Lord with me, and let us magnify His name together.' " You remark, that I may sometimes feel that it were better ' to depart and bo with Christ.' I do desire to be freed from sin and to behold His glory, but I feel that it is wrong to wonder when this consummation will be given me. It will be a great blessing for me to go to Heaven at any time, and I trust I do not forget that ' to live is Christ.' Still, I feel that I am not sufficiently thankful that I am kept longer at school, that my spiritual education may be com- pleted, and I do hope you will ask our Heavenly Father to enable me to reflect the image of His beloved Son more brightly ere I leave this earthly abode, in which I have received so much mercy. ' Ye are my witnesses, saith the Lord.' " I did not suppose that you would expect a reply to your letter, but I hoped that I might elicit another from your pen. I will not ask this favor, for I should not thus best express my realization of your many responsibilities. " It is one of my almost daily prayers that you may be made a great blessing to the institution with which you are connected. I would not have any of the students commence their ministry with imperfect views of truth. It would be sad, indeed, if they were to give but faint response to the cry the Church is sounding, ' Come and help us.'" * * * 43 506 REMARKS. [1853. Notes. '•^Feh. l^tJi, 1853. consulted her about reading. Sue told her of the temptation she had once felt, on the banks of the Neshamony, to read a French book, instead of the little Testament she had with her. When convinced of the impropriety of novel-reading, she was deeply interested in one of Scott's most engrossing works ; but aided by Divine grace, she resolutely determined not to finish it. " She requested me to mark the following, in Hewitson's Life, saying she hoped it would soon be marked in her expe- rience : ' The Jordan is not far off. A few breathings of the air of the wilderness, a few steps across its dreary sands, and then we reach home.' She added, 'Here we have no con- tinuing city, but we seek one to come.' "Susan is not so well. She said to me to-day, 'I have not the shadow of a desire to live. But we should remember that while to die is gain, to live is Christ ; and that it is more acceptable to live cheerfully, than to be impatient to die.' " As I gazed from the window upon the moon, and beheld the garden so beautiful in the soft moon-light, and remarked upon its loveliness, she replied, ' If such the glory of the scene, Where sin and death abound, How beautiful beyond compare Will Paradise be found !' According to her quotation, ' The place where her soul builds its nest, Is the tower of the love of her God.' " She spoke this evening of the Bible, of its being ' all our own,' and that it was 'a wonderful gift.' " Told that there is no place but the feet of Jesus where there is any security from being ' careful and troubled about many things.' 'I feel,' she said, 'that the paths 1853.] LETTERS. 507 of the Lord have been mercy to me.' I remarked that I did not think was satisfied with the world. She responded, ' Who is ? Wliile here how tasteless, and how terrible when gone !' " Speaking of hymns, she remarked that ' Rock of Ages' stood as much at the head of hymns, as Leighton did at the head of theologians." To tlie Author. "Feb. 28, 1853. " I cannot describe to you, dear Bishop , the emotions which were awakened, this afternoon, by the perusal of your letter to our young friend. My heart had so earnestly prompted the expression of the deep sympathy I have felt for you, that I only waited an opportunity of ascertaining if your darling boy had become a disciple of Jesus ere his removal to the eternal world. I believed that you would be sustained under any trial which God had given you, but desired to leai-n that gladness had been mingled with your sorrow. I wished, too, to send you the copy of a beautiful letter which was written by a lady of Boston to a bereaved mother, but knew that it would be inappropriate if you had not reason to believe that your child had gone to a Home of glory. Oh ! how thankful I feel to our Heavenly Father that He has given you this great consolation ! Accept my fervent congratulations, even while the tear of sympathy is in my eye. When my sister's only child was removed by scarlet fever, in his early childhood, she wrote to me, a few hours after his death, ' I wished to have trained my child for the service of our Heavenly Father; but He has taken him into His own family and will instruct him there.' I have been informed, not by your letter only, that your son was a very promising youth, and greatly regarded by those who knew him. I suppose they expected he would pass, step by step, along the paths of scholastic lore, and then enter the active scenes of life, with an intellect and heart prepared for their responsibilities. But his best Friend loved him so well that He extended His arm, and drew the youthful disciple who was sitting meekly at His feet to the bosom of His grace, that He might shelter him there from all the storms of life, and unfold to his enraptured vision ' the treasures of wisdom and knowledge which are hid in Christ Jesus.' It may be that the early departure of this dear boy 508 LETTERS. [1853. will be a greater blessing than his life would have been. Soon after the perusal of your letter, I received the visits of two young friends, one of whom hopes she has recently given her heart to God and expects to be confirmed at our Bishop's next visit. The other is the only child of a lady who died a month or two since in the fullness of spiritual joy, and with an unwavering trust that the heart of her impenitent child would be subdued by the power of grace. I told them of the happy departure of your son, who was of their own age, and I trust our Heavenly Father will impress the lesson. I wished you had been here to have talked to that dear, motherless child, for it is evident that the Holy Spirit is striving with her young heart, but she does not seem willing to yield to His influences. I feel assured that you will pray for her. "I know much of bereavement, my dear friend , and I know much of consolation too; for He, whom your own experience has enabled you to call ' the Father of mercies and God of all comfort/ has both rendered necessary and confirmed the promise, 'As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you.' A most pre- cious sister, also, and many valued friends, are among the company to which your dear boy has been admitted. How gladly I would be with them; but 'my times are in Thy hand.' You inquire kindly of my health. It often reminds me of the expression, 'The furnace was one seven times heated ;' but it is not in the rage and fury of the King that this command has been given. ' Love oi'dered the plan, and in love such as Thine, How shall I not calmly confide ; Who spared not to save me an offering Divine — The Lamb who on Calvary died.' " How sincerely and warmly I thank you for the afi"ectionate counsel you have given your new pupil ! She reads your letters again and again, and you will be still more glad to learn that she rises very early, that she may seek spiritual blessings, and devotes much of the day to the Bible and prayer. I enjoyed the only visit she has been able to make me, but inferred from the deep hectic on her cheek that Heaven will soon be her home. Her remarkable consistency is realized by her family, by whom she is most tenderly cherished. " My long, slate-pencilled letter is an evidence that I have fully availed myself of the privilege of our acquaintance. It has given me pleasure to assure you of the sympathy I have so often expressed in 1853.J LETTERS. 509 prayer. ' The GoJ, whose you are and whom you serve,' will con- tinue to pour the ' oil of joy' into yx)ur wounded heart, and thus anointed, you will be the messenger of consolation to many a child of sorrow. " Believe me, my very kind friend, in ' the confidence of a certain faith/ respectfully and affectionately yours." To R. S. "March 9, 1853. " I have so much confidence in your affection, dear Robert, that I feel well assured that you have desired to receive an expression of my undiminished interest, and that you have given me full credit for its continuance. Your own affectionate letters have been most welcome, and each one has deserved a prompt reply ; but I always expect to be an epistolary insolvent, and to retain the reputation of an honest desire to discharge my debts. * * * " The visits of two ladies have occupied the time I had devoted to you, my dear cousin, and I shall have to dicta;te the remainder of my letter, but I will not send away my slate until I tell you that one of these visits was from the earnest young Christian of whom I told you when you were with us at Christmas. She grows in grace, and in ' the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.' The ardor of her aspirations after holiness reminds me of my beloved Lucie, and it is so delightful to feel that 1 may always encourage and try to comfort. The Holy Spirit has taught her that pursuits in which many communicants engage are uncongenial with a spiritual taste, and inconsistent with a Christian profession; and it is most cheering to witness, in these days of worldly conformity, a very young disciple whose step is directed heavenward. Oh ! pray for me, for I would be a blessing to Christ's little ones. I would know how to speak of the Good Shepherd; how to describe the green pastures and still waters of salvation. Such a Shepherd as ours, dear Robert — such a Fold as that which encloses us. How can we express His preciousness ? How can we expatiate upon its blessedness? " I have many opportunities of making this attempt, since the young girls who are members of sister E.'s Bible class come very frequently to see me. Six or seven of them are candidates for Con- firmation, which is to take place the 24th of next month. Some of them have been seriously impressed for some months past ; my very soul yearns over them." 43* 510 A WORD OF WARNING. [1853. Writing of Felix, in a letter to a youth, she remarks : "March, 1853. " We have reason to think that this ' convenient season' did not occur. Two years after, when this procrastinating governor was ejected from offiee, he ' left Paul bound,' thus proving that his heart was unchanged; and Henry, the commentator, remarks: 'How Felix struggled to get clear of these impressions, and to shake off the terror of his convictions ! He said, " Go thy way," &c. He trembled, and that was all. Paul's trembling (Acts 9 : 6), and the jailer's (Chap. 16 : 29), ended in their conversion, but this of Felix did not. Many lose the benefit of their convictions for want of striking while the iron is hot. If Felix, now that he trembled, had but asked as Paul and the jailer did, " What shall I do to be saved?" he might have been a Felix indeed, happy forever; but by dropping his convictions now, he lost them forever, and himself with them.' " Many years have passed since the occurrence of this event. Felix has had a long line of successors. How sad, how terrible their concert of woe ! How shall I endure to see the destruction of my kindred? I have asked for a slate and pencil, that I might ti-ace some lines of warning and earnest entreaty, for it is my heart's desire and prayer that you may be saved. You seem to realize, in some degree, that ' he that believeth not the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abideth on him.' I cannot suppose, however, that you have very seriously considerod that the wrath of God is a heavy, a crushing weight; that it is abiding on you when you lie down, and rise up ; when you study, and when you seek amusement. It has not yet pressed you down into an unprepared eternity, because your oifended Maker is awaiting an application for its removal. Your Redeemer, whose comprehensive vision has included all the agonies of eternal torment, and all the happiness of Heaven, has suffered more than thought or language can estimate to recover you from the one, to secure to you the other. You design to avail yourself of this proffered salvation, but not 7Wto. 1 will not emphasize the ingrati- tude, but the danger, of this delay. I will not increase the length of my letter by illustrations of the fatal result of the course you ex- pect to pursue, illustrations which have occurred among my own acquaintance, and have received no printed record ; but I will pray, I will labor, that you may never be included in their number. " Oh, F. ! God has said, ' My Spirit shall not always strive.' 'Rphraira is joined to his idols; let him alone.' Does not every moment of procrastinarion increase the probability that this edict 1853.] LETTEKS. 511 will go forth against yoxi ? Arc you willing to incur the risk of spending the uncounted ages of eternity with idols which have lost their power to please, but will never lose their ability to torment ? Are you willing to be ' let alone/ to be forsaken by God the ' Father of mercies/ the ' Holy Ghost the Comforter/ Jesus ' the Consolation of Israel' ? Oh ! pray that this threefold cord of everlasting love may draw you away from your threefold foe — the world, the flesh and the devil. There are no promises ofi"ere(i to him that defers, but how kind the invitation, ' Acquaint now thyself with Him, and be at peace ; thereby good shall come unto thee.' '' Are you ready to accept my Saviour as your Saviour? My own experience has taught me that ' He is fairer than the children of men.' If you will surrender your sinful heart to Him, He will give you 'a new heart and a right spirit.' He will wash away every sin, and overcome by His omnipotent grace the evil propensities of your nature. He will sanctify your aSections, and elevate your pursuits. You will wonder, when this transformation shall have been efi"ected, that sin and folly were ever attractive, and will rejoice with unutter- able delight that your judgment and affections concur in the same object; that in that object is no satiety, but that all your necessity is ability to appreciate it more fully, and all your hope its everlasting enjoyment. " I wish to say more to you of my blessed Redeemer, but you cannot behold His beauty ' afar off.' Come to Him, come to Him, now, dear F. ; and we will rejoice together, and the Saviour who died for you will ' see of the travail of His soul and be satisfied.' " To a Niece. " March 21, 1853. " I felt such an overflowing of love towards you a few moments since, my darling S., that after I had lifted up my heart in prayer that our Heavenly Father would bless you, and make me a blessing to you, I determined to write you a few lines of Christian love. Oh ! that the Holy Spirit may be richly poured into your young heart ! Oh ! that the love of Christ may be the constraining impulse and principle of your whole life ! ' Covet earnestly the best gifts.' Do not be satisfied with any ordinary measure of grace. Be diligent in the use of every means of spiritual improvement. Remember you are seeking eternal blessings. They are worthy your most earnest pursuit. But, dear S., if you would be successful in these efforts, attempt them not in your own strength. Go to your blessed Saviour 512 LETTERS. [1853. for every thing you need, with all youi- sins, with all your tempta- tions. ' Since His own blood for thee lie spilt, What else can He withhold ?' "Surely shall we say, 'In the Lord have I righteousness and strength.' There is no other righteousness, dear S., there is no other strength ! I love to have you with me, my precious child, and as I hope to go soon to my Father's House, you must pass as much time with me as you can spare. " Your own dear and very affectionate Aunt Sue." To a Youth. "March 16, 1853. " My long-neglected writing-desk has been beautifully polished, and our valued friend, Mr. B., installed into the oflBce of private secretary. Would you not like, dear , to receive a communi- cation from my heart through his pen ? At all events, you are selected as the recipient of the thoughts of this evening, and very affectionate thoughts they are. They have sometimes been expressed to you in words, but more frequently in earnest petitions that the Father of mercies would make you His own dear child, by faith in Christ Jesus. I have sometimes felt as though the assurance of your conversion would be an overwhelming joy ; but oh how I wish it may be given me now ! I am not willing to wait for it, dear . Why should I ? The work of salvation is a finished work j the promises are given us in the present tense. Your necessity is a present neces- sity. Oh, come to Jesus for its immediate supply. Let us consider the evils which I would have you escape, and the blessings I am so desirous you should gain. I cannf^t adequately speak of either; but this I know, that the wrath of God abideth on every unconverted soul. Are you unconverted, my dear boy, and is this weight resting upon you? 0 pray that you may realize your condition. You know that the law is holy, the commandment good, and your conscience tells you that you have incurred its penalties. Examine yourself by its requisitions ; carefully compare your heart and life with the deca- logue, remembering that its every command extends to the innermost recesses of the spirit. Subject yourself to the test of the summary of this law which our blessed Redeemer has given, * Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength ; and thy neighbor as thy- self.' The High and Holy One who spoke from Sinai, and again 1853.] LETTERS. 513 in the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, has emphatically declared, 'Whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet oifend in one point, he is guilty of all.' Also, ' The soul that sinneth, it shall die.' May the Holy Spirit impress upon your mind the inference I would have you draw. If I could know that the tears of repentance were falling from your eyes, mine would be filled with tears of joy. Ah ! they are coming now; not tears of joy, but of great solicitude. " Let us turn, now, from your condition as it is, to what I would have it to be — one of penitence, pardon and peace — acceptance in the Beloved — the witness of the Spirit bearing witness with your spirit that you are the child of God — the Gospel incorporated into your daily practice — heaven drawing nearer to you, and you to it, as you rapidly press onward until its glory conceal you from human view. What is the price for so much happiness ? It is very, very great, but it has been already paid. ' God so loved the world that lie gave His only begotten Son.' What does He ask in return ? * My son, give me thine heart.' And what is the exchange for this poor offering ? ' A new heart will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you.' ' I will take the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh.' 'I will sprinkle c^ean water upon you, and from all your filthiness and from all your idols I will cleanse you.' " Unbelief and sin invest the plan of salvation with difilculties which are not its accompaniment. ' Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved,' is the only condition of the Word of God. That you may be enabled to accept it, shall be the con- tinued prayer of " To Miss S. " Greenwood, April 13, 1853. 'Your letter gave me much pleasure, dear Miss S. I should have been glad to have acknowledged its reception long since. It is so pleasant to repeat the story of redeeming love, to encourage the re- turning sinner to hasten to her Father's arms. I feel very thankful that you have been, in some degree, enabled to realize the tenderness of that Father's heart, and trust that you have been drawn so near Him, that you can hear the whispers of His Spirit, and behold His love as it is revealed in Jesus Christ our Saviour. We cannot force ourselves to love our Heavenly Father, by any abstract efibrt. It is better to meditate on all He is to us, upon all He is in Himself. In the contemplation of such a Being, we shall deeply feel our need of 2h 514 THE PSALMS. [1853. the constant influence of the Holy Spirit. ' We haVfe known and believed the love that God hath to us/ is an expression of Scripture to me particularly interesting. Does it not comprehend the whole of Christian experience ? Does it not excite the most earnest desire for greater ability to appreciate its language ? How can we know and believe such love as this ? We may well employ the language, ' How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, 0 God ! how great is the sum of them ! If I should count them, they are more in num. bers than the sand !' Still, it is well to commence the enumeration in which we shall be employed through all eternity. One most happy result of this employment will be an increasing forgetfulness of self. Self-love is a potent and vigilant foe, and the Christian warrior must ever realize this fact. It is the love of Christ which conquers this unwearied adversary, and here again the victory is achieved, not by an effort of the mind, but by the pre-occupation of a holier and better affection. Do not be discouraged by your slowness to believe. * He giveth more grace.' Let your course be ever onward, and it will lead you to ' the haven where you would be.' If you would be safe, if you would be happy, you must forsake self, and follow the Lord, fully. " You will please your Father in Heaven if you trust Him with child-like confidence. You will thus be taught the truth of the asser- tion, * The joy of the Lord is your strength.' How often our thanks- givings become more frequent, when we express them in the language of Scripture ! Have you ever thus employed the 103d Psalm ? Tell rue, when you answer my letter, if you have not been enabled to hold communion with your best and dearest Friend ? Observe, too, the beauty of the succeeding Psalm. The 103d recounts the bless- ings of redemption, the 104th expatiates upon creating and preserv- ing mercy. " Have you ever observed how often a Psalm which commences with a cry for mercy, concludes with grateful praise and adoration ? Is not this a great encouragement to pray without ceasing ? ' They shall praise the Lord, who seek Him.' " This is a delightful subject, but I will not dwell upon it longer this evening. It is quite time I should release the kind friend who gives form to my spoken thoughts. I will only detain him until he shall have assured you that I am, with affection and prayerful in- terest." 1853.] A MISSIVE OF AFFECTION. 515 To Mrs. a S. 0. "April, 1853. " Tlie communication of this evening, beloved, is not only a reply to thy most welcome note, but the fulfilment of a desire which I have been unwillingly prevented from gratifying. Works of neces- sity and mercy have asserted a paramount claim, but this evening I gladly express some thoughts of afFection. Deep and strong is my love for thee, and ' memory swells with many recollected acts of love,' and gratitude, one of the most pleasant exercises of affection, has gone forth in full tide towards thee, the friend of many years. I am glad thee did not accompany , as these easterly winds would have caused me much solicitude. How often I think of that beauti- ful text, 'Awake, 0 north wind, and come thou south; and blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into His garden, and eat His pleasant fruits.' llomaine has beautifully compared the north wind to the reproofs, and the south wind to the consolations of the Holy Spirit. Surely both are among those best gifts we do well to ' earnestly covet.' ' Herein is my Father glorified that ye bear much fruit/ is a passage of Scripture which has suggested many an earnest prayer. Oh that our Father in Heaven may ' work in us both to will and to do of His good plea- sure.' We are never straitened in Him. He had much rather we should draw largely from the treasury of His grace, and surely He deserves to be honored by unwavering confidence and implicit obedi- ence. I wish we did always walk as ' children of Light;' I wish we were in all things 'followers of God as dear children;' but we have failed in every good word and work, and are glad to * flee for refuge to the hope set before us.' Still, while we appropriate our Redeemer as the Lord our Righteousness, we will not for a moment forget that we are chosen that we ' may be holy and without blame before Him in love.' How truly is holiness a constituent of happiness! 'Thou shalt call His name Jesus, for He shall save His people from their sins.' I did not, however, intend to make so many quotations from Scripture, but rather to address to thee a missive of affection ; but we should never have loved each other so well if our communications had been of ourselves only. Is not intercourse, is not every thing most pleasant, when the name of Jesus is as 'ointment poured forth' upon it? I expect to 'behold the King in His beauty' — perhaps ere long; but I would patiently await His pleasure, and study His character during the interval. He is ' all my salvation and all my 516 DIARY. [1853. desire;' but He would have me reflect His image more clearly, ere He admit me to His unclouded vision. I thank thee, beloved, for the sympathy with which thee has cheered my pilgrimage, and I thank thee most for thy anticipations of my future happiness. Oh, how unworthy I am of thy hopes and mine; but 'this is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.' A delusive theology would not do for me, dear , would it ? Does thee remember a sermon of Leighton's upon the text, ' Of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sauctification and redemp- tion'? I love that sermon well. "Give my love to C. 0. S., and tell him that the injunction of Scripture is not alone that he shall remember his Creator in the days of his youth, but that he shall remember Him now. Tell him those who love the Saviour have a goodly heritage, and I trust he will not refuse it. Remember me affectionately to M., and tell her she must go to Jesus as she is, that He may make her all she ought to be. Ask her if the twilight hour be always remembered. I am glad she is one of your household now, and do not forget to ask blessings for her. From her Diary. ^^ Sunday morning, May Stii. — ' Sing ye praises with un- derstanding.' To be enabled to sing praises with understand- ing, we must have, first, an object worthy of praise ; second, we must understand the worthiness of that object. '■^July 15th. — Last week I received the Communion. It was, to me, an affecting occasion. I thought of the holy worship which my mother and sister were then offering to the Most High. Oh, when shall ' a nobler, sweeter song' be given me ? ' The Lord my Righteousness' is my hope and joy now, and in heaven I shall praise as I ought ; but oh ! how unworthy are all my present attempts, and how easily am I diverted even from the attemjjt to worship and adore ! But, Lord, Thou wilt never leave me nor forsake me. ' Thou hast given commandment to save me.' " 1853.] LETTERS. 517 To Miss S. E. L. " May 4, 1853. "If all my thoughts of sympathy and aiFection had been penned, dear S., many sheets would have been presented to thy perusal in lieu of this one effusion. Earnest and joyful are my congratulations upon the rich mercies ' our Father' has vouchsafed thee. How gently He has led thee along the path of duty and of peace, giving thee grace to take one step in obedience to His command, and to trust Him for ability to go forward, when His will should have been further revealed ! Surely thee may now say, ' He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, He leadeth me beside the still waters/ and do not be afraid to add, ' Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.' " It is pleasant, very pleasant, to inquire in the earthly temple ; but oh ! how much better it will be to ' behold the beauty of the Lord' in the upper sanctuary ! Can we not adopt the sentiment which sister read to me this morning from the life of Simeon ; although we have not equalled him in the time and earnestness of his experience ? ' There are but two objects that I have ever desired for these forty years to behold ; the one is my own vileness; and the other is, the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.' " Let us ask more importunately for ourselves, and each other, that the glory of our Redeemer may be more fully revealed to us. Let us study His character with more attention, let us know nothing but Jesus Christ, and Him crucified ; then, dear S., it will be of comparatively little importance whether external circumstances be prosperous or adverse, or if our earthly tabernacles be more or less exposed to pain and weariness. " Let us know more and more of our Saviour, and our holiness and happiness will proportionally increase. Let us bring every sin to the precious fountain of His blood, every temptation to Him who has made a way to escape, every sorrow to so compassionate an. ' High Priest,' * Such an High Priest became us.' In having Him, have we not all things ? "I am so thankful, so happy that such a possession is thine, my own dear S. Return continual thanks, and pray for grace to bless the Lord at all times, to lose thyself in Him." 44 518 AFRICAN MISSIONS. [1853. To R. S. "May 11, 1853. " I think, my dear cousin, you would like to have an impromptu letter from me. Several unanswered epistles claim my attention, but it is to you that the thoughts of this evening shall be expressed. I thought of you with peculiar interest yesterday. I had quite an interesting conversation with the master of a little sweep, who had ascended my chimney to prepare it for the cheerful open fire which I always so much enjoy in the spring. Both the hoy and the mas- ter attend the Church of the Crucifixion ; the latter attends a Bible class, and is a member of a temperance society. The poor little sweep is iu the Sunday School, and sang a hymn tune when he reached the top of the chimney. It comforted me much to know that there are some who care for the souls of these poor colored people, and my heart was gladdened by the reflection that my own dear cousin had determined to go to the home of their forefathers to tell them that Jesus loves them ; that whilst so many of their fel- low-creatures have sought to reduce them to bondage, He has died to redeem them unto Himself, and to bring them into the glorious liberty of the children of God. Oh, how pleasant it will be to assure them of such love ; to go into the very kingdom of darkness in the name of the Prince of peace ! I do not love you too well for such a service as this, and in this assurance I give you a stronger proof of affection than if I were to beg you to ' count your life dear unto you,' to spare yourself and your friends the trial of separation. Mr. L. visited me this afternoon, and spoke of a young missionary belong- ing to the Baptist Church who has recently sailed for Africa. The Consistory, he says, objected to the- locality he had chosen, on account of its unhealthiness, but one of them remarked that they would incur a great responsibility by opposing his desire, and stated that some time before a young man, who had intended to lead a missionary life, was persuaded by his friends to remain in his own country, but, a few weeks after ho assumed the charge of a church, he was attacked by an epidemic and died. He thought the friends of the young man should not have influenced him to resist the call of duty. I must confess, however, that although I hope to ' pass over Jordan' before you leave the shores of your own country, I do think of you with very great tenderness when I remember that you are to go so far away. But need I feel anxious about you, my own dear cousin ? Have you ii'^t 'a name and an inheritance' better than the world 1853.] LETTERS. 519 could give you? Is not God your reconciled Father; Jesus, your Saviour and Counsellor; the Holy Ghost the faithful Friend who reproves, comforts and guides you ? And will He be with you less when you have said farewell to earthly friends ? * * * "I wish I knew whether you have received any descrip- tion of the interesting Confirmation of two or three weeks since. I should like to tell you all about the colored girl who was invited to sister M.'s class by dear M. H., and then brought to the Saviour, as we trust, by the instrumentality of this young disciple. She was baptized in my room, and confirmed the following Sunday. My very dear S. L. has also been confirmed, and is one of the most whole-hearted children of our Heavenly Father with whom I am acquainted." * * * To the Author. " May 18th, 1853. " I wish it were a matter of fact, as well as of feeling, that I had known you these many years, dear Bishop ; but it is a pleasant reflection that a Christian friendship which may have had little con- nection with the past, presents in addition to all present enjoyment an unlimited future. The physical impediments which so often interfere with the expression of this hallowed regard, with all the spiritual imperfections which prevent its exercise, will have passed away when we awake with the likeness of our adorable Redeemer. " My attention was attracted a few days since by the declaration of St. John, ' If we walk in the lipiht, as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another ;' and I felt a fervent desire that a more holy and steadfast radiance should illumine all my friendships. " When you write to me again, will you not make some comments upon the passage — 'We have known and believed the love that God hath to us' ? Surely, if I could in an unqualified sense make this language my own, I should know no spiritual restriction. I do know and believe, and constantly experience, that God hath great love to us ; but it is quite as needful to say, ' I will appreciate Thy love when Thou shalt enlarge my heart,' as to express the senti- ment, 'I will run the way of Thy commandments when Thou shalt enlarge my heart.' But our Heavenly Father will do all this, and though His children may learn slowly, they shall all be well taught; therefore, I do not 'doubt, but earnestly believe.' " Has not His paternal character been beautifully manifested towards our young friend? She was made willing to 'forsake all', 520 LETTERS. [1853. and follow Christ, and lie has not only spared her the trials which are endured by many of His servants, but guided her into peaceful and refreshing paths. Are there not many such in our way home, and is not even the rugged part of the journey made pleasant by the companionship of our blessed Lord and His disciples ? " You will not think me inconsiderate, because I wish to enlist your prayers and counsels in the service of another friend who desires to share this pilgrimage. I am not unmindful that, although you greatly prize the privilege of giving individual instruction, much time is demanded by your public duties, but this case is one of a peculiar character ; and although I may not yet state all its circum- stances, I am permitted to inform you that my friend wishes to visit ■ when she shall have been informed of your return, that she may receive your advice. If the clearer light which she is seeking shall shine upon her path, she will present herself as a candidate for your approaching Confirmation. It is very evident to me that the Holy Spirit is now convincing her of sin, and it is my hope that He is also revealing in some degree that Jesus is just such a Saviour as she needs ; but the day is not far advanced. I am very sorry and very glad to present this new claim to your attention. * * * " How very interesting and affecting your recent Confirmation must have been ! May our Father in Heaven preserve unto eternal life all who then dedicated themselves to His service ! Your dear boy was not there on that occasion which his presence would have made very joyful, and I should not wonder if a father's heart had almost prompted the desire that he might lay his hands upon the young head which will never again be bowed in an earthly temple. It would have been very sweet to have thus assumed the relations of a Bishop and a Pastor towards'a darling child; still you arc glad that the Good Shepherd removed this lamb of the fold from your bosom to His own, and you look up with tearful eyes but a rejoicing heart, whilst your love for both grows stronger and stronger." To Mhs S. " Gr.EEN'wooD, June 15, 1853. " This is a most appropriate time to trace with my pencil the letter of congratulation my heart has so long prompted. The trees which surround my room are so numerous and so shady that I might almost imagine myself in the woods. The air is very pure, and I feel that it is a great blessing to belong to the family of One whose 1853.] LETTERS. 521 ' tender mercies arc over all Ilis works.' 'All Thy works shall praise Thee, O Lord, and Thy saints shall bless Thee.' " How glad I am that you have been enabled to return thanks for redeeming mercy! I have rejoiced with you. If you would be a happy and devoted Christian, abound in praise, dear M. Do not permit a sense of unworthincss to deprive you of this privilege — to tempt you to neglect this imperative duty. It was remarked by an eminent servant of our Heavenly Father, that He was ashamed to ask for more mercies until he had returned thanks for those he had already received. I have been told, also, of a mother who requested her little daughter to count her blessings. The child enumerated twenty. But we can number many more, and it will be well to make most rapid progress in the study which shall occupy eternity. When Moses besought Jehovah to show him His glory. He said, ' I will make all my goodness to pass before thee.' The enraptured prophet has beheld this goodness ever since, but more is yet to be revealed. Infinite glory, in its manifestations of Infinite goodness, passes before a vision continually enlarged and a being who is endued with an immortal nature, that he may enjoy it forever. 'This is the heri- tage of the servants of the Lord,' and it is yours, dear M. Perhaps you will say, ' Such knowledge is too wonderful for me ; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.' " Winslow, in his excellent work upon the glory of our Redeemer, endeavors to impress the reflection that the believer should make this glory the constant, the concentrated study of his life. He tells us we should search the Scriptures for this object, and surely this is a most healthful theology. We shall not have time to be despond- ing or presumptuous, if our attention be thus withdrawn from our sinful, ever-disappointing selves. "Are not these remarks the best reply I can make to the ques- tion in the concluding part of your letter ? Can it ever be needful that the disciples of such a Saviour should experience seasons of darkness and wandering? 'The path of the just is as the shining light, which shineth more and more unto the perfect day.' It is because of unbelief, or the indulgence of some other sin, that spiri- tual darkness so often obscures the heart which ought to be so full of light and peace. It is true that our physical condition necessa- rily exerts some influence upon the mind. It is true, most sadly true, that the believer is often compelled to ' groan, being burdened' with sorrow and with sin. But it is equally true that his happiness should not be dependent unon his varying frames of mind, or the '44* 522 LETTERS. [1853. circumstances of his physical condition. 'I will go in the strength of the Lord God, making mention of Thy righteousness, even of Tliine only,' should be the constant song of the Christian pilgrim, as he presses on through the many foes that surround him to the end of his earthly pilgrimage ; and then, as he passes over Jordan, it is his privilege to sing, as has been beautifully said, ' the death-song of death.' " I am so sorry that my sheet is almost filled, and yet you have wiser counsellors to enforce the thoughts I wish to urge. I trust, also, that the Holy Spirit has taught you the indispensable necessity of diligent attention to self-examination and private prayer. Do you suppose that any eminent Christian has been unmindful of these duties? " IIow important, also, the unreserved consecration of the Sab- bath and the cultivation of tenderness of conscience ! We should listen to the whispers of the Holy Spirit as well as to His louder tones. I am glad you have * living epistles' all around you, and cordially unite in the wish you express that I were acquainted with your parents and sisters. Give a message of affectionate sympathy to your sick sister. It is not so very sad to have a suffering and exhausted frame, if it repose in the green pastures of salvation, and eujoy the constant attendance of a Shepherd who is the Great Phy- sician also. *' Commending myself and you, dear M., to His continual protec- tion, I repeat the assurances I have already given you." To Tier Sister-in-Law. "July, 1853. *' How much I should love to take a sheet of letter-paper from my portfolio, and fill it with expressions of true and deep aflFection for my sister M. It is a great comfort to me to love you so much, and I pray that ' grace, mercy and peace may be multiplied unto you, through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus Christ our Lord.' Are we not very glad that Jesus is our Lord, our King, our Priest, our Bishop, our Shepherd, our R!