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 smith. E. Goodrich 1802. 
 
 He|^oir Of Charles Henry 
 
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MEMOIR/^:^^^^^^ 
 
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 OCT 2 9 1927 
 
 CHARLES HENRY TORTER, 
 
 A STUDENT IN THEOLOGY. 
 
 BY E. aOODEICH SMITH. 
 
 "Eiglit years before I can become a minieter ! But I tliank the liOrd, I 
 e-an do something for Mra in that time." — Page 14 
 
 PUBLISHED BY THE 
 
 AMEUICAN TRACT SOCIETY, 
 
 150 NASSAU-STREET, NEW YORK. 
 
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1849, by O. R. Kings 
 BURY, in the Cleric's Office of the District Court of the United States for th« 
 Southern District of New York. 
 
 Right of publisMng transferred to the American Tract Society. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 EARLY LIFE TILL COMMENCmO STUDY. 
 
 Early years— -Conversion — Desire to become a minister — 
 Course of life while in business — Sabbath-school labors — 
 Difficulties in his way to the ministry — His own record of 
 his exercises — Days of fasting and prayer— His decision — 
 Various trials — Growth in grace — Humility — Struggles 
 against spiritual pride — Fair prospects abandoned, . 7 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 
 
 Visit at Norwich — Christian activity — Return to New York- 
 Views of the ministry — Prayer and study — Tenderness of 
 conscience — Sabbath labors — Instances of faithfulness and 
 humility — Aspirations after holiness — Leaves New York 
 for Westfield. 22 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 
 
 Puesolution — Prayer answered — Christian labors — A medita- 
 tion on God's works — Joy in the Lord — Watchiiig for 
 
4 CONTENTS. 
 
 Bouls — Zeal for Christ — Christian humility — Anxiety for 
 friends — Home missions — Kindness to the afflicted — Visits 
 to Norwich and Springfield — Meekness imder reproof — 
 Transition to college life, 32 
 
 CHAPTER rV. 
 
 FmST TWO YEARS IN COLLEGE. 
 
 College life — Sabbath-school instruction — Perseverance in 
 prayer — Missionary spirit — Thoughts on spring showers — 
 Spring vacation — Letter to his father — Birthday thoughts 
 — Second year in college — Purpose to become a mis- 
 Bionary — Delight in God's word, and in prayer — Worldly 
 honors — Revival in New Haven — Annual fast for col- 
 leges, 46 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 
 
 Pecuniary embarrassments — Advantages of poverty — Letter 
 
 to hia friend Mr. D of N. Y. — Devotional records — 
 
 Ellbrts to do good — Another letter to Mr. D. — Religious 
 labors in Terr>-sville — A shower of divine grace — Interest- 
 ing particulars — Rules of action — Letter to his mother — 
 Love for souls, CO 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 
 
 Desire to be laboring for Christ— Interest in Canada missions 
 — A Christian must not be discouraged — Christian eftbrts 
 and Htu.ly— Day of prayer for colleges— Visit to West- 
 villc — Resolution — Labors at Himiphreysville — At Terrys- 
 
CONTENTS. 5 
 
 ville — At Norwich — Summer term at college — Interest in 
 the Sabbath-school — Labors of love — Is chosen a leader in 
 the college church — Trial of faith — Meditation on death — 
 Excursion for health — Letter to a friend — Preparation for 
 the coming year — Labors at Willimantic, .... 78 
 
 CHAPTER \^I. 
 
 SENIOR YEAE IN COLLEaE. 
 
 Joy in God — Christ's kingdom endless — Self-renunciation — 
 Letter to his sister — Desire to become a missionary — Letter 
 to liis friend in New York — Letter from Northfield in the 
 winter vacation — Efforts at West Haven — A fellow-stu- 
 dent drowned — Revival in College — His deep interest in the 
 work of grace — ^Visit to Terrysville — Vacation at West- 
 field — Letter to his mother — Revival at Westfield — His 
 dealing with sinners — Prayers for unconverted friends — 
 Vacation at Norwich and Bozrahville — Close of college 
 course, 95 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 VISIT TO CANADA— LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 
 
 Missionary labors in Canada — Sabbath-keeping rewarded — 
 Description of the field — Encouraging success — Instances of 
 conversion — Enters the Seminary — Labors at North Haven 
 — Letter of Rev. Leverett Griggs — Labors at Wallingford — 
 Letter to a sick friend — ^Yearnings for the work of the 
 ministry — Letters to friends — Consolation to the afflicted—- 
 Labors in New Britain — Letters to his father — Growth in 
 grace — Efforts in Hartford and New Haven — Letter to his 
 mother — Proposes to go to Iowa — License to preach — 
 Sense of Responsibility — Preaches in Terrysville — Relig- 
 ious interest — Visit to Syracuse, 117 
 
6 CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 THE CLOSINa SCENE. 
 
 Returns to New York — Summoned to New Haven by the 
 sickness of friends — Is taken sick himself — Particulars of 
 his illness — Passes from an earthly to a heavenly Sabbath— 
 Another accoimt of his last days — Resignation — Concern 
 for his relatives — Love to Christ — Visit of Rev. Mr. Lud- 
 low — Peace in death — Obituary notice, 153 
 
MEMOIE 
 
 CHARLES HENRY PORTER. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 MR. PORTER'S EARLY LIFE. 
 
 The grace of God sometimes makes of a common, 
 man an uncommon Christian. Thus it was with the 
 subject of this sketch. Charles Henry Porter was 
 bom at Norwich, Connecticut, August 8, 1811. He 
 was not the child of pious parents, enjoyed no un- 
 common early advantages, and nothing in his child- 
 hood encouraged the hope that he would become 
 either pious or useful in after-life. And yet God was 
 pleased to call him into his kingdom, and to bless 
 him with large measures of grace and usefulness. 
 Though his Christian course was short, the Saviour 
 made him the happy instrument of guiding many to 
 his fold. 
 
 He was a lad of energetic character, fond of active 
 sports, but averse to books, and wholly heedless of 
 religion. Though an elder brother was receivmg a 
 collegiate education, his own great dislike to study 
 
8 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 made him reject every proposal to become a student ; 
 and lie ^vas permitted, at the age of fifteen, to enter 
 into mercantile life, in the city of New York. Here 
 he remained until November, 1828, when Providence 
 thwarted liis plans, and led him from the tempta- 
 tions of tlie city back to his native place, where he 
 was employed in a store. It was here the Holy Spirit 
 met him, and by his renewing influences changed the 
 current of liis life. 
 
 In August, 1829, a revival of miusual power began 
 in Norwich, and soon spread mto aU the churches. 
 A cousin of Mr. Porter, smce deceased, was one of 
 the earliest converts, and felt deeply interested for his 
 spiritual welfare. She often made him the subject 
 of prayer, and in her frequent visits to his father's 
 family, improved every opportunity to warn him 
 faithfidly of his danger, and entreat him to tliink of 
 tlie concerns of his soul. Her affectionate persuasion 
 induced him to attend some of the evening meetings. 
 His first serious thoughts on the subject of rehgion 
 were in a Methodist meeting at Norwich Falls. 
 Before this he had been so careless, that though he 
 had sat in the house of God Sabbath after Sabbath 
 all his life, he could not recoUect ever to have been 
 in the least degree alarmed respectmg Ins spiritual 
 state, or even to have had one serious thought. " In 
 lact," said he, " I had few ideas on any subject, as I 
 tliought of little except sport and play." 
 
EARLY LIFE. 9 
 
 We have no record of the particular form and 
 progress of his convictions, but his alarm and dis- 
 tress were evidently deep and pungent. These con- 
 victions, strengthened by the sudden death of a 
 brother in September, continued till November, when 
 he found peace. Listening to an impressive and 
 faitliful sermon by the Rev. Mr. Mitchell of Nor- 
 wich, his sense of sin and of God's justice in pun- 
 ishing it was so great that he trembled on his seat ; 
 and while crossing the plain on his way home, he 
 believed he gave his heart to God. Early the next 
 morning he went to tell liis cousui what God had 
 done for him. From her account, his views of the 
 character of God and the way of salvation by Christ 
 were just and clear ; and his joy and peace in be- 
 Heving, and his humble gratitude to his Saviour for 
 his distmguishing mercy, unusually great. 
 
 He at once took a decided stand on the side of 
 Christ ; and even then it was his earnest wish to 
 prepare for the muiistry, and devote his life to preach- 
 ing the gospel. In tliis, however, he encountered 
 the opposition of friends, and for a time yielded to 
 their objections — needing, perhaps, further discipline 
 in the Christian life, to fit him for study in reference 
 to the sacred office. So decided a change, from aver- 
 sion to books to an immediate desire to study, and 
 the forming of plans so contrary to all his former 
 habits of life, afford striking proof of the powerful 
 
10 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 working of tlie Holy Spirit in his heart. " Old things 
 had passed away ; all things had become new." 
 
 Mr. Porter was alarmed by the fact that Chris- 
 tians often decline hi warm and hvely piety, and 
 grow cold m the love and service of their Saviour ; 
 and he solemnly determuied that, if it were possi- 
 ble, he would always live near to God, and be de- 
 voted to the service of Christ. As one of his friends 
 remarks, he seemed from the first determhied to be 
 an uncommon Cliristian. 
 
 "He united -wdth the church in Norwich on the 7th 
 of March, 1830. Here he continued till August, 
 when he went to Zanesville, Ohio ; but liis plans not 
 being successful, he returned early the next summer, 
 and ui the latter part of the season w^ent once more 
 to New York. He was successively employed m two 
 or three mercantile houses, and having secured the 
 approbation of those in whose service he was en- 
 gaged, his worldly prospects became flattering. This 
 was a most important period in liis life. In that 
 great mart of business there was much to allure the 
 youthful Christian from duty. But upon the busy 
 world with wliich he was associated — occupied too 
 generally with toils and pleasures — he looked with 
 the sympatliies of a follower of Him who came to seek 
 and save the lost. He engaged at once in Christian 
 labors, especially in the Sabbath-school, where he im- 
 mediately secured the love of both teachers and pupils. 
 
EARLY LIFE. H 
 
 A fellow-teacher, after alluding to his faithfulness 
 and the fitness of his counsels, remarks, " I called 
 for him one Sabhath morning, to accompany me to 
 church, a little before the time of pubHc service. 
 * Come,' said he, ' go up to my room.' I went, and 
 having closed the door, he said, * Now, let us pray.' 
 "We knelt together, and he invoked God's blessing on 
 us and the whole church of Christ, not forgettmg 
 those who were out of the ark of safety." " He was 
 very faithful," says this teacher, "with our Sabbath- 
 school children in our children's meetings, and al- 
 ways spoke of the Sabbath-school as his home." 
 
 Mr. D , another fellow-laborer, his warm friend 
 
 and constant benefactor, after mentioning his punc- 
 tual attendance at the school and the prayer-meet- 
 ings, on the Sabbath and during the week, adds, 
 " In all Sunday-school labors, Charles was untiring, 
 affectionate, interested, and prayerful. His pleadings 
 with the impenitent were characterized by the ut- 
 most kindness and affection. They loved him for 
 liis faitlifulness to their souls. He had their confi- 
 dence. He would sit down hfam impenitent youth, 
 and gain a nearer access to his heart than any teacher 
 in the school, or any person I ever knew. Often did 
 he bring tears into the eyes of members of my class, 
 as he would seize on the moment when they were 
 disengaged, to talk with them of Christ and the value 
 of the soul." 
 
12 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 Tills training iii Sabbath-school instruction and 
 active exertion for the souls of men, was a good 
 preparation for the higher sphere to which he was 
 still looldng. A life of business in a great city al- 
 ways has its temptations, and the more one can break 
 away from these bonds and engage in domg good, the 
 more may he hope to preserve his soul unspotted 
 from the world, and fasten his heart on God. 
 
 Mr. Porter's prospects for business were fair ; but, 
 urged by his desire to devote himself to the ministry, 
 he resolved to leave these scenes of commercial life, 
 and engage in studies preparatory for college. " To 
 preach the gospel was the first expressed wish of his 
 heart after his conversion. That it should ever be 
 gratified was the most unhkely tiling that could be 
 imagined. His aversion to study, his constitutional 
 activity unfitting liimfor sedentary habits, and the un- 
 reflectmg character of his mind, were all unfavorable. 
 And it was not till after a struggle of three years, that 
 he decided to gratify this first desire of his heart." 
 
 He had other difficulties also to contend with. 
 How was he to obtain a support ? He could expect 
 no miracle to supply his wants. His family were 
 unable to aid him, and he knew not whence the 
 required means might come. The Lord led him on ; 
 Jiis kind providence removed the difficulties, sup- 
 ])lied his necessities, and blessed his efforts. To him 
 be all the glory. 
 
EARLY LIFE. 13 
 
 But we turn now to his own account of the matter 
 in his diary, by which we shall hereafter be giiided 
 in tracing his course as a Christian, a student, and a 
 minister of Christ. These extracts should be read 
 as the writings of a simple-hearted cliild of God, 
 penned without care — a sort of memoranda only, not 
 designed for the eye of others — to refresh his own 
 mind and invigorate his feelings after the toils of the 
 day. Faintly traced, as some of them are by the 
 pencil, nearly effaced, as they have been m some 
 places by the fallen tear, they are yet indelible in 
 the mfluence they have exerted on his heart and 
 life. God grant they may be so for good to many 
 who read them in these pages. Mr. Porter thus 
 commences his diary : 
 
 " The subject of studying for tHe ministry having 
 had deep hold of my feehngs for days, and I may 
 say for weeks, and having prayed and mourned and 
 wept over it to learn my duty, I finally concluded to 
 set apart this 27th day of May, 1833, as one of fast- 
 ing, humiliation, and prayer, to implore the divine 
 direction and assistance." 
 
 He then speaks of his disappointment in the early 
 part of the day, in not having found as much enjoy- 
 ment as he expected, and laments the deep depravity 
 of his heart. But in the evening he says, 
 
 *' The Lord has heard my cry, and helped me 
 abundantly. I think I can see pretty clearly my 
 
14 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 duty to become a minister of Christ. There are 
 many difficulties to encounter, but may the Lord 
 give me grace to overcome them all. Feel a little 
 fearful lest I may have formed my opinion too hastily, 
 or from some other motive than the glory of God. 
 
 for grace to assist me in this mighty work. Eight 
 years before I can become a minister I But I thank 
 the Lord that I can do something for him in that 
 time." 
 
 "May 28. — Listead of feeling sorry that I have 
 made up my mind to study for the ministry, I am 
 glad. let me not suffer my thoughts to turn back ; 
 for if my eyes turn from the Sun of righteousness, all 
 becomes dark, and the duty which lies before me 
 looks as if it could never be accomphshed ; but when 
 
 1 look to Christ it is all bright and glorious." 
 
 *' May 30. — Have had a most refreshing season. 
 It seems as if Christ was more precious to me than 
 ever. I felt great brokenness of heart, and wept ; 
 never had such a thirst for the ministry : it seems as 
 if I could not be denied. Lord, open the way, if it 
 is tliy will ; give me strength, humility, and perse- 
 verance to accomplish the object." 
 
 The same earnest desire is frequently mentioned 
 in the days immediately following ; and above all, he 
 prayed that God would give him a very humble 
 opinion of himself, and bring him nearer to the feet of 
 his Redeemer. 
 
EARLY LIFE. 15 
 
 "We next find him inquiring for some place where 
 he might commence his studies. In relation to this 
 question, he remarks, " Finally, cast all my cares on 
 God, and he heard my cry and sent peace into my 
 soul, so that I was enabled to leave all with him. 
 I felt sweetly resigned to his will — ^to go anywhere, 
 or do any thing, that his name might he glorified — 
 desired to have no will but his." 
 
 His parents had arrived in New York, but know- 
 ing that their views did not agree with his, he did 
 not mention to them his intention of studying for the 
 ministry, " fearing that it would spoil their visit." 
 This expression evinces a truly delicate regard to the 
 feelings of others. But it Avas a severe trial of his 
 awn feelmgs, not to be able to open his heart to a 
 beloved father and mother. Could he have poured 
 out the warm promptings of his soul into their bo- 
 soms, and found a kindred feeling there, he would no 
 doubt have pressed on his way with a lighter step, 
 and felt the path before him to be comparatively 
 easy. 
 
 An incident mentioned in his record of June 8th — - 
 another day devoted to fasting and prayer with ref- 
 erence to the object that lay so near his heart- 
 exhibits the manner in which he sought to turn even 
 the most trivial matters to the increase of his own 
 spirituality. He says, " Saw some delicacies on the 
 t*ble, but rejoiced to let them alone and crucify the 
 
16 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 flesh, that I might have more of the spirit of Christ ; 
 found it very useful, and enjoyed an imusual degree 
 of spiritual life." 
 
 " June 9. — Met a friend who is now studying for 
 the ministry : told him of my intention. He said, 
 
 * Count the cost.' I told him I trusted I had ; and 
 he replied, ' Count it over again.' My heart replied, 
 
 * Yes, willingly will I count it over again.' The sac- 
 rifices I am obliged to make, and the difiiculties I 
 encomiter, will only tend, I trust, to my growth in 
 grace, and bring me out as gold that has been tried 
 in the fire." 
 
 One of his great trials, as we have seen, was how 
 to meet the expense of his education. He cast him- 
 self on the Lord, and was not disappointed. Thus 
 he mentions, the next day, that God had " opened a 
 way ' ' to have his tuition ' ' gratuitous . " He expresses 
 some fears with regard to his health, but again com- 
 mits all to his heavenly Father. He also mentions 
 the fact that he " could not study," and remarks, 
 " When I look at what must be done before I can 
 preach, it makes me shudder." The same day, on 
 beginning his Latin grammar, he writes, " Began, 
 before opening the book for study, by asking God to 
 assist me in the arduous work." 
 
 Another difficulty arose from his debts. These, 
 though small, he would have no means of paying 
 after leaving business. On this subject he writes, 
 
EARLY LIFE. 17 
 
 "June 12. — The Lord has done wonders for me 
 to-day. The way seems to open as I advance. My 
 
 dear brother T says he will see that my board 
 
 is provided for, and my debts taken care of; and my 
 employer says he will relinquish all claim to my 
 staying with him : so it seems as if there was noth- 
 ing to do but to go forward, trusting in the Lord 
 for health and strength, grace and perseverance." 
 
 He also says, " After our clerks learned my inten- 
 tion of studying for the ministry, they thought I 
 missed it very much : it was a great pity that after 
 five or six years' preparation for business, I should 
 break off. But so much the more reason have I to 
 be thankful to God for opening the way. Most of 
 the young men who are engaged in business, arc 
 unwilling to give it up and labor for the Lord ; there- 
 fore the work needs every one whom God has in- 
 clined to serve him." 
 
 Speaking of a pubUc occasion on which crowds 
 were gathered in Broadway, he adds, " Felt as if I 
 was spending the Lord's time unprofitably, and re- 
 tired for prayer. Let the world with all its pleasures 
 pass onward, but give me Christ." 
 
 Mr. Porter's diary everywhere indicates a con- 
 scientious purpose to *' grow in grace." His exer- 
 cises in the closet were frequent, and he notices "the 
 comfort," "sweet communion with Christ," "rich 
 blessings," "the preciousness of the Saviour" he 
 
 Mein. Porter. 2 
 
13 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 experienced, as evidences to him of his closer walk 
 with God. " Seemed," he says on one occasion, " as 
 if I was not to be a great while on this earth, for 
 my soul took flight, as it were, into higher regions. 
 Language camiot express the happiness I have ex- 
 perienced this day, although it seems as if Satan had 
 been at work with me almost continually." Again, 
 
 "June 17. — The Lord has blessed me wonder- 
 fully. Fearing that my happiness would be mixed 
 with animal feeUng, instead of being true love to 
 Christ, I besought him to search me and try me, 
 and lead me in the way everlasting." 
 
 Notices hke these evince that he was gaining 
 greater knowledge of his oAvn heart, and furnish 
 proof of liis conscientiousness as well as of his sound 
 judgment. The same day he says again, " To-day 
 have had a cross to take up ; felt that I had a prej- 
 udice against a disciple of Jesus ; but Avcnt and 
 acknowledged my sin to him and to God, and asked 
 and found forgiveness." 
 
 The next few days were days of trial and conflict. 
 He made known to his parents his design of studying 
 for the ministry. As he had anticipated, his father 
 did not approve of it, and thought he had better 
 attend to his worldly business. It was a severe trial 
 to Mr. Porter to act contrary to his father's wishes, 
 but he felt it to be his duty to do so. It will be 
 recollected that he was of age, acting for himself, 
 
EARLY LIFE. 19 
 
 and dependent on his own exertions ; and he beheved 
 he had a right to the choice of his employment or 
 profession. He was also exposed to hard conflicts 
 from the ridicule and contempt with which some 
 viewed his determination. Yet he resolved to go 
 forward, counting it a privilege to suffer reproach for 
 the name of Christ. 
 
 Spiritual pride also occasioned Mr. Porter many a 
 severe struggle. On this subject we find the follow- 
 ing record. "Although I felt afraid that fasting 
 would injure my health, I could not help appointing 
 one day this week, to pray especially that God would 
 make me humble, and break down this accursed I, 
 I, I. It seems as if it would ruin me. for grace 
 sufficient for my day." 
 
 But though the burden of these various trials 
 pressed heavily on him, yet he was not without com- 
 fort ; and in view of his situation he says again, " I 
 rejoice to be dependent on others for my support, as 
 it leads me to see that I am to live day by day de- 
 pendent on God, and like the children of Israel m 
 the wilderness, eat the manna that is furnished to- 
 day, and trust in God for to-morrow." 
 
 He could not avoid observing the contrast between 
 his situation and that of some with whom he had 
 been associated. He thus says, June 25, in view of 
 the fact that one of his fellow-clerks was to be a 
 partner of the house, " Would I be wiUing to change 
 
20 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 situations with him ? By no means. Jesus is sweeter 
 to me than any earthly being ; his riches are far 
 superior to any earthly riches ; his business to any 
 earthly business ; his joys to any earthly joys ; his 
 djdng tokens which he has left us, to any thing we 
 can find here ; his treasure in heaven for all that 
 love him, to any treasure we can lay up on earth. 
 My fellow-clerk will undoubtedly possess riches — 
 earthly I mean, God grant heavenly also — ease, and 
 comfort. I am to 'be poor and dependent on others, 
 go through a course of eight years' laborious study, 
 and then, should my life be spared, I shall probably 
 be poor all the remainder of my pilgrimage on earth, 
 and find life filled up with trials. Do I envy him ? 
 no. May he be thankful that God has abundantly 
 blessed him. I am and shall be about my Master's 
 business — this is comfort. I have tasted both the 
 world and Christ, and find Christ to be far better. 
 Oh I long to be swallowed up in him — to feel liim 
 to be my all in all. Sweet, glorious, holy, hap- 
 py Saviour, now seated at the right hand of God, 
 thee I love, thee I adore. Give me thy presence, 
 and all other sources of happiness are to me as 
 nothing." 
 
 Mr. Porter now closed his engagement as mer- 
 chant's clerk, and in recording the fact mentions that 
 God inclined his employer to give him in a month's 
 wages. He says that he "had a singular feeling" 
 
EARLY LIFE. 21 
 
 when his sitiialion "was about to be given to another 
 person, but not the least desire to retam it." 
 
 After a careful examination he fixed on seven 
 hours for sleep, and "resolved on fast-days," wliich 
 he frequently observed. " I will take just food 
 enough," he says, "to keep my body in such a state 
 that my spiritual life shall not suffer, and that I may 
 not appear to men to fast, but to my Father which 
 is in heaven. The rest of my time must be fully 
 taken up in devotional reading, studying, or some 
 tiling for the honor of Christ." 
 
 Such was the spirit with which he left New York 
 on a short visit to his parents, at the home of his 
 childhood. 
 
22 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 PREPARATION FOR COLLEOE. 
 
 At Norwich we find Mr. Porter engaged in nu- 
 merous labors of Christian love. He visited the 
 poor, the sick, the afflicted, and the inmates of the 
 prison, for religious conversation. He was regular 
 in attending meeting, and often retired at night to 
 the graveyard, or the open field, for meditation and 
 prayer. Instead of losing his spirituality he resolved 
 to live more to the glory of God, cultivating every 
 day a spirit of piety, and renewing liis dedication to 
 his Master daily and for life. 
 
 Home was very dear to him. His greatest study 
 seems ever to have been how he might best promote 
 the spiritual interests of those whom he there so 
 much loved. Many were the conflicts he had to 
 endure, while he endeavored to discharge his duties 
 faithfully as a son and a servant of Christ. 
 
 At times he hoped that God was about to revive 
 his work ; and though he had again taken up his 
 Latin grammar, he spent much of his time in visit- 
 ing from house to house, and liis efforts in rousing 
 Christians appear to have been attended with some 
 success. In one case he mentions an attempt to go 
 to Mohegan, where remain several families of that 
 Indian tribe ; but as the weather was warm, he 
 
PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 23 
 
 became greatly fatigued when he had walked about 
 half a mile, and was compelled to return. This 
 shows a feebler state of health than liis continued 
 labors would indicate. He also mentions his miitmg 
 with the Methodist minister in various efforts, and 
 thus exliibits liis liberal and cathohc spirit. His 
 mind for the most part was in a happy frame, and 
 he was gaining new strength and knowledge of him- 
 self. He remamed, however, but a short time at his 
 father's, and could not record any decided results as 
 the fruit of his labors. 
 
 On Mr. Porter's return to New York, when he 
 may properly be said to have commenced his studies, 
 he was gratified to learn that the Sabbath-school 
 teachers proposed to raise one hundred dollars yearly 
 to aid him ui liis preparation for the muiistry. This 
 he felt to be not only a proof of their esteem, but 
 also an evidence that God meant to provide for 
 him. 
 
 His views of the great work to which he had de- 
 voted liimself were thorough and elevated. He often 
 alludes to the necessity of emuient holiness, and 
 breathes forth many earnest longmgs for tliis qualifi- 
 cation. 
 
 " August 13. — -I am studying — for what ? my 
 soul, how canst thou realize the importance of the 
 object in view ? A minister of Christ I One who 
 has given liimself away, entirely and for ever, to serve 
 
24 CHAELES II. PORTER. 
 
 God alone. Thousands of souls, perhaps, are to be 
 saved or destroyed through his preaching. who 
 can discharge the duties of a minister ?" Again he 
 casts himself on God, dedicates himself to him, prays 
 for "a lower place " at his feet, and implores grace 
 to keep him from spiritual pride. 
 
 The next day his mouth is filled with praises as 
 he records "the sweetness of a Saviour's dying love," 
 and says, " I have reason to bless God that my stud- 
 ies do not keep me from enjoying rehgion." He then 
 gives the secret of his strength in this matter. " If 
 a word m my lesson is hard to be miderstood, I ask 
 God to aid me ; and often after having tried a long 
 time to get the signification of a word, upon asking 
 God all has been plain to me. Never let me com- 
 mence a lesson, or any thing else, without first asking 
 his blessing." 
 
 "August 15. — Remembered that I had taken my 
 food, and the question arose, ' Has the soul been fed 
 this morning as it ought to have been?' Found 
 myself guilty ; took up the Bible inamediately, al- 
 though Satan as usual suggested my putting it off 
 till after recitations, and dwelt for a few moments on 
 the passage, 'If ye, then, be risen with Christ,' etc." 
 
 Visiting the store where he had formerly been em- 
 ployed, Mr. Porter was questioned if ho did not re- 
 pent of his purpose, and vidsh to return. But he 
 says, " My soul repHes, * Oh no I' I could not bear 
 
PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 25 
 
 the thought, except God should evidently give nie to 
 understand by his providence that I am not called to 
 the muiistry. My soul loves the work of God better 
 than ever. My desire for the muiistry uicreases 
 daily." 
 
 " Sept. 9. — Never have been so much blessed in 
 my studies as tliis mornuig, and I have no doubt it 
 wim in answer to prayer. I mean to pray at least 
 three thnes a day for the special purpose (1) of hav- 
 ing my spiritual life kept up from day to day ; (2) 
 if God sees it for his glory and my good, that my 
 health may be preserved ; and (3) that my studies 
 may be blessed to me." 
 
 He found a practical benefit in keeping this reso- 
 lution, for he records on the 11th and 12th, "God 
 has wonderfully blessed me. Never have proceeded 
 more rapidly in my studies, or had better health 
 than thus far this week. I feel that God has in a 
 peculiar manner blessed my studies." He speaks 
 also of the encouragement he finds as a tract distrib- 
 uter, and seems to have much enjoyment in aU his 
 duties. 
 
 On the 19th, while readmg a passage of Scripture 
 describing the union of Christ's people to him as 
 members of his body, he pours out his soul in words 
 of Christian charity, and says, " Then never let any 
 Christian indulge hard feelings against a brother 
 Christian, since he is a member of the body of Christ. 
 
26 CHARLES H. PORTER. v 
 
 But let all so love each other, as cliildren of the 
 same parent." 
 
 His journal now furnishes repeated evidence of his 
 increased diligence, and tenderness of conscience. An 
 incident exliibiting tliis latter trait it may be well to 
 mention. Some friend had given him five dollars, 
 and a day or two after, he writes, 
 
 " Monday, Sept. 30. — Thought somewhat of pur- 
 chasing a commentary on the New Testament, as I 
 very much needed it ; but remembering that I owed 
 my old employer, although he told me I need not be 
 troubled about it, I thought the five dollars belonged 
 to him, and wrote him a note, enclosing the money. 
 I find, when one side is sure to be right, and another 
 is likely to be right but still doubtful, it is always 
 best to take the sure side. God sent me the money, 
 and who knows but he Avill send me some commen- 
 tary to help me along. If he sees it best that I 
 should have it, I am sure it will come ; the Lord only 
 knows whence." 
 
 Mr, Porter seems to have done what was right in 
 this matter, and to have been blessed in domg it ; for 
 he records, 
 
 " Oct. 1. — How many friends the Lord has raised 
 up for me I Tliis day I have received a box of books 
 from my dear cousin, M. P., and among them I found 
 Scott's Reference Bible and the five volumes of 
 Dwight's Theology. Wonderful, indeed I" About 
 
^ PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 27 
 
 three weeks after this, he also received a present of 
 Henry's Commentary on the New Testament, which 
 led him to a resohition to hve a more holy life. 
 
 These frequent tokens of favor called forth many 
 expressions of gratitude, and caused him anew to 
 feel the obligation to hve to God's glory. The next 
 day, with peculiar emphasis, he writes, ^'Studied 
 the Bible with more attention than for some time 
 past. let me have God in all my studies." 
 
 " Sunday, Nov. 17. — Visited a family who have 
 lost their head — the husband and father. Endeav- 
 ored to comfort the widow, and point her to the 
 Saviour, Avho would be a husband to her and a fa- 
 ther to her cliildren. Also visited a poor black man, 
 who we have reason to think is near to death ; also 
 a poor colored woman, who fell a few days since and 
 broke three of her ribs. Last Smiday I visited a 
 family who had been deprived of a father and hus- 
 band ; also a colored family, in v/hich was a little 
 boy, who has since died." Such visits were very 
 useful to liim, as they kept before him the great end 
 of liis life ; for he fomid that his studies had " a ten- 
 dency to draw away his mind from God." 
 
 His Sabbaths appear to have been spent in part 
 with the infant Sabbath-school, where the little ones 
 came to him with tears, asking about eternal things, 
 and begging liim to visit them at their home. He 
 speaks of ''the awful responsibihty " of visiting so 
 
28 CHARLES n. PORTER. 
 
 many families, and says again, " AYent A^-itliout din- 
 ner, but was abimdantly rewarded in visiting the 
 fatherless and the widow." 
 
 An incident mentioned January 19, 1834, may be 
 cited as an instance of his boldness and faithfulness 
 m what he conceived to be the discharge of his duty. 
 He says, " Heard two young men swearmg beliind 
 me as I wallvcd. I turned romid, and gently re- 
 proved them. They cursed me to my face, and told 
 me to go to hell. I asked them if they believed in a 
 hell. They said yes, and that I would go there. I 
 told them, if I did, I did not want them to go there. 
 They said, I should go to a hypocrite's hell, but they 
 never should. I repeated to them very calmly the 
 commandment, ' Thou shalt not take the name of the 
 Lord thy God m vain,' and we parted. May it prove 
 a word in season, sent home by the Holy Spirit." 
 
 A pleasing exhibition of Mr. Porter's growing liu- 
 mihty occurs on the occasion of his application to the 
 Education Society for aid. He was told, that as he 
 had so many friends, he could probably get along 
 with half a support. He was also cautioned against 
 too high expectations, and these suggestions he re- 
 ceived in a truly meek and Christian spirit. 
 
 " They told me," he writes, " that I thought too 
 much of myself. Alas, how true it is I But I trust 
 their kind frankness has done me some good. that 
 all Christians would endeavor to tell each other their 
 
PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 29 
 
 faults. How much more we might grow in grace. 
 Lord, increase my faith ; lead me into the valley of 
 •humility, near the feet of my Saviour. Let me do 
 just as God directs in every thing, and daily live to 
 his glory." 
 
 His next record is filled with complaints of his 
 barrenness of soul. He deplores his pride and cold- 
 ness, and longs for a more humble spirit. One re- 
 markable instance of this latter trait occurs a day or 
 two after, on the occasion of his receiving a letter 
 from a friend. 
 
 " Saturday, Feb. 1, 1834. — I received a short 
 
 letter from my dear brother m Christ, "W . 0, 
 
 what a good man, good Christian, good friend I His 
 letter was one which I have needed for a long time. 
 How wonderful, how truly wonderful that it should 
 have been received just at this season I That he 
 .should write on the very day that I made the last 
 note in my journal, and tell me exactly what I 
 thought of myself, but what I did not feel as I ought ! 
 God saw my wayM^ardness ; he saw my horrible, ac- 
 cursed, sinful pride. He kiiew I did not feel it, and 
 
 put it into dear brother W 's heart to tell me of 
 
 it in a note. that all my friends would deal thus 
 with me. It is so good, that I will record it all ; 
 and may the God of all grace, who loved such a sin- 
 ful and vile worm as I am, bless it to my soul for all 
 eternity." 
 
30 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 " ' Dear Brother Porter — Believe me, you can 
 be of little service to mankind until you imbibe the 
 spirit of a little child. Then you vvdll never seek to 
 be a great man, but a little one ; and you will pray 
 to be less than the least of all. 0, dear brother 
 Porter, you want nothing so much as humihty. Pray 
 in faith for this. W.' " 
 
 "I am, truly, a. proud viretch, unworthy to bear 
 the name of friend. Help me, dear Saviour, here- 
 after to live more to thee." He refers from time to 
 time afterwards to the above letter, and always with 
 the same spirit. 
 
 Mr. Porter was at this time readuig Payson's Me- 
 moirs. He admired, and longed to possess Payson's 
 humility ; and says, " 0, my Saviour, my dear, de- 
 spised Saviour, can I not learn humility of thee ? 
 Teach me, teach me humility. Though my sins 
 rise to the heavens, yet I am not so great a sumer 
 that thy power caimot prevail to bring me into the 
 valley of humiliation. I loiow I deserve not the 
 least favor from thy hand ; but 0, for thy own sake, 
 teach me — teach me the humility of thyself." A 
 toothache with which he was afflicted, leads him to 
 spend in prayer the time wliich he could not employ 
 in studying ; and the burden of his soul is for more 
 holiness, more grace, deeper humility. 
 
 He was now about to leave New York, to prose- 
 
PREPARATION FOR COLLEGE. 3] 
 
 cute his studies to greater advantage under experi- 
 enced teachers, in the academy at Westfield, Massa- 
 chusetts. From various notices of friends in New 
 York in after-days, he seems to have cherished a 
 pleasant recollection of his labors there, in connection 
 with others, for the feenefit of liis fellow-men. It 
 was the place where he had decided on preparation 
 for the mmistry ; and the warm hearts which greet- 
 ed his purpose with so cheering a response, ever after 
 clung to him, and would not forsake him even amid 
 their owti trials and embarrassments. Though he 
 felt that it was a wise course to go elsewhere, yet he 
 could not but feel some lingering regrets at quitting 
 scenes hallowed by so many associations of friendship 
 and kindness. 
 
32 CHARLES II. rURTER. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 
 
 The first entry iii his diary at Westfield is dated, 
 *' June 5, 1834. — Since writing last, my situation 
 has wonderfully changed. The Lord has sent me 
 here, I trust, to do sometliing, weak as I am, for his 
 great and holy name. the sweetness of Christ 
 wliich I have enjoyed for days and weeks past. I 
 trust I have given myself anew to Christ, and come 
 to a more fuU and settled determination to hve to 
 his glory. A number of days since, I made a solemn 
 resolution in the presence of God, that, he assisting 
 me, I would at least twice, and miless extraordinary 
 causes prevented, thrice a day pray myself into a 
 spirit of prayer, hoAvever cold I might be ; and bless- 
 ed be G od, as yet I have at no time wished to change 
 that resolution. And I trust I have been enabled to 
 keep it ; and in keeping it, to retam a spirit of prayer 
 nearly aU the time. This morning I experienced the 
 blessed efiects of that resolution ; for, it being rainy, 
 and my spirit mdifferent, I felt backward about going 
 to the throne of grace. But remembering this in- 
 difference was one of the most dangerous sides on 
 which the enemy could attack me, and calling to 
 mind my promise to God, I went ; and the sweet 
 peace that soon filled my soul I I could say from the 
 
STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 33 
 
 heart, ' Bless the Lord, my soul ; and all that is 
 •within me, bless his holy name.' 
 
 " June 6. — I find I caiuiot study with any ease 
 without a spirit of prayer, and bless God for it. 
 my soul, trust in God. What shall I do without 
 prayer ? My lessons, for nine months past, have not 
 been enough prayed over. Never have I had such 
 success as since I made them the continued subject 
 of prayer. May my life be a life of prayer and ex- 
 ertion for the Redeemer. I prayed this morning for 
 hiunility, and I have reason to bless the Lord that 
 he laid a burden on me which had to be confessed 
 before the school. Thus he has brought me dovini. 
 And then when I came home, he was land enough 
 to put it into the heart of a Christian brother to re- 
 prove me for talking so much in meeting. So I am 
 taught from day to day to be humble. that I 
 may dihgently improve these admonitions, for I may 
 not always have faithful Christian friends to reprove 
 me." ■ 
 
 Mr. Porter appears, at Westfield, to have entered 
 at once on a course of active labor to benefit oth- 
 ers. We here somewhat anticipate his dates, that 
 we may give an idea of his labors in tliis new field. 
 On the Sabbath, he sometimes attended "a prayer- 
 meeting at quarter past four in the morning;" then 
 went, at half past seven, three miles to a Sabbath- 
 echool ; then attended the morning service at church, 
 
 Mem. Torter. 3 
 
34 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 and another Sabbath-school during the intermission ; 
 then attended the afternoon service, after which he 
 went three and a half or four miles in a different 
 direction to a Sabbath-school, and then to a prayer- 
 meeting in the evening. In view of all this, he 
 might well remark, " So that every moment seems 
 to be full." Besides this, he was also a distributer 
 of tracts, and visited the poor and afflicted. 
 
 He seems to have found great delight in his labor, 
 for he says, " Sabbaths are pecuharly blessed to me. 
 To get out two or three miles from town, into a small 
 school-house or church, and there meet the cliildren 
 joyfully assembled and waiting, it is sweet. All 
 earth with its vain pleasures would not afford me 
 the satisfaction that I find in teaching those poor 
 children, and in going from house to house, telling 
 them about my beloved Master. In distributmg 
 tracts, I find enough to repay me for all that I have 
 done. One woman is anxiously inquiring, and de- 
 termined to seek salvation. Another seems to feel 
 deeply ; and says she has not read her Bible and 
 prayed so much for two years, as since she saw mc 
 last month." 
 
 Both his heart and his intellect bear marks of the 
 benefit he derived from his present course of educa- 
 tion. His mind seems to take a wider range, and the 
 improvement of his style of thought and expression is 
 oflen quite perceptible. The beauties of nature call 
 
STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 35 
 
 out his admiration, and he derives from all lessons 
 wliich teach him more of God. He says, 
 
 "June 7. — This morning, while sitting at my 
 window and admiring the works of God, my thoughts 
 were fixed upon a leaf, which led to the following 
 reflections : Here is a leaf, perfect in its form, situa- 
 ted just where it is needed, with a beautiful green 
 color, a stem just the size to support it, and the sev- 
 eral stronger parts running through the leaf to sup- 
 port its form and regularity. A few weeks ago, 
 where was it ? None but God knows. It existed, 
 but in how many different materials I know not. 
 Where they were, I know not. But one thing is 
 certain : whatever or wherever they were, God has 
 brought them, together, and formed them uito a beau- 
 tiful thing called a leaf In looldng round upon the 
 tree, I found it covered with these leaves, exactly 
 the same in kind, but not the same in size. God 
 was just forming some of them — hoiv, I could not 
 tell, but it was certain he was collecting the mate- 
 rials, arranging them in proper order, putting them 
 together, giving each leaf its proper shape, size, color, 
 taste, and scent ; placing just so many upon each 
 stem, and the proper number of stems upon each 
 branch, and the proper number of branches upon 
 each tree ; and increasing the body of the tree with 
 branches, stems, and leaves, at the same time. Sure* 
 ly this is work that far excels the work of man. 
 
36 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 "Now, thought I, should I begin to count the 
 leaves upon each stem, and then upon all the branch- 
 en of the tree, where should I end, even with those 
 of the first tree ? Then to look around the garden, 
 and see the innnense number of leaves ; then look a 
 little further to the broad and extensive forests, and 
 behold the multitude of trees, shrubs, and bushes, 
 wliich contain so many trillions of billions of leaves, 
 and to consider that each one has its pecuHar prop- 
 erties, and that one Being alone is doing all this at 
 the same moment, and had in mind before the foun- 
 dation of the world each distinct leaf, the substance 
 of which it is composed, and the particular time when 
 it should receive its increase, leads me into fields 
 where I am lost in wonder and astonishment. 
 the greatness, power, wisdom, skill, and goodness of 
 such a Being I "Who cannot adore him, who cannot 
 praise him? the loveliness of God exhibited in 
 his works. my soul, love, and honor, and adore 
 thy God." 
 
 " June 15. — The good Shepherd has been over 
 me to-day. His riches have been poured upon me, 
 and peace like an overflowing river, for a great part 
 of the day, has rested upon me. This morning par- 
 ticularly my heart was stayed upon him. When 
 coming home from the Sabbath-school out of town, 
 and telling my sister of the difficulty of overcoming 
 my pride, she said, * My dear brother, look to Jesus. 
 
STUDIES AT VVESTFIELD. 37 
 
 His grace is sufficient,' how sweet v/as it to lei 
 liim have my pride — to give it all to him, and take 
 my place at his feet, a suppHant of redeeming grace. 
 I bless the Lord daily that he has sent me into tliis 
 part of liis vineyard. I can say that the days pass 
 very pleasantly, and I hope profitably." 
 
 " June 17. — Lay down in the enjoyment of God ; 
 believe I dreamed about him all night, and awoke 
 in the presence of Jesus. How sweet to have God 
 vdth us. I long for more conformity to liim. It 
 shall be my aim, in the strength of Jesus, to advance 
 more than I have done in the attamment of holiness 
 Dear Saviour, here I am ; take me, make me holy , 
 carry me through any affliction, trouble, or trial; 
 only I beg of thee grace sufficient to profit by that 
 discipline." 
 
 He also alludes to the persecution endured by an 
 acquaintance, and speaks of praying for her. Tliis 
 and similar notices throughout his diary, show that 
 he was often in the habit of particularly remember- 
 ing, at the throne of gTace, the friends in whose trials 
 he sympathized. 
 
 "June 19. — Never have I reaUzed and looked 
 forward to the privilege of rising early in the morn- 
 ing to serve God, as I do at the present tuiae. Al- 
 though I rise at four o'clock and engage in worsliip, 
 yet it looks pleasant in prospect ; and to-morrow^ 
 blessed be God, I have appointed as a day of fasting, 
 
38 CHARLES U. PORTER. 
 
 that Christ may advance the interests of religion in 
 my soul. May it be my anxious desire to do some- 
 tliing directly for Christ every day. Camiot I find 
 some poor simier, and perhaps a number every day, 
 to whom I may recommend Jesus ? 0, dear and 
 blessed Saviour, give me more of thy spirit ; give me 
 more wisdom, more humility, more love for thee and 
 for dying simiers ; and may I be still more anxious 
 to do them good. Why, why should they die ? 
 my Saviour, must they die ? Wilt thou not use me 
 to present thyself to them in such a mamier that 
 they may be led to seek thee ? Here, Lord, am 
 I ; send me, not for myself, but for thee and for 
 them." 
 
 " June 22. — I have heard from a number of 
 sources that I am doing too much. ' I shall ruin my 
 health, shall become crazy,' etc. how strange that 
 one can do nothhig for Christ without being thought 
 crazy. If I were to do ten times as much for my- 
 self as I do for Jesus Christ, people would think it 
 right enough. I know there is danger, and I hope 
 sincerely that instead of pulling me down, they will 
 try to build me up by their prayers and exertions. 
 It seems to me that I should wear out ten times as 
 quick, seeing Christians sleeping at their posts, and 
 sirmers calmly going down to hell, as from seeing 
 them all alive to Christ and his cause. I desire and 
 pray that the Lord may keep me from growing cold 
 
STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 39 
 
 ill his cause ; and that he may, if consistent, preserve 
 my health and give success to my studies. may 
 I be kept from every false doctrine, error, and sin, 
 and live consistently and to his glory." 
 
 That Mr. Porter did not err wilfully, even if he 
 sometimes regarded not as he should have done his 
 health and his situation as a student, is clear from 
 liis readiness, as ahove seen, to notice every thing of 
 this kind, and make it the subject of serious reflec- 
 tion. His mind was now constantly active in devis- 
 ing some way to attain his great object of saving 
 souls. Thus he mentions the following somewhat 
 singular plan, and yet one which evinces the true 
 spirit of a child of God. 
 
 " June 24. — I thought tliis morning of a good 
 way to make friends. If a neighbor is sick and 
 needs watchers, let me go to one of that m.an's ene- 
 mies, or one whom he dislikes, especially if he be a 
 Christian, and ask him to improve the opportunity 
 of showing his friendship by offering to watch, and 
 by doing every little thing he can to assist the sick 
 man and his family. He would thus put them to 
 shame, and if they had any honesty they would con- 
 fess and have the wound healed." 
 
 A Christian friend having called to make some 
 arrangements for tract distribution at an hour when 
 he was engaged in private devotion, he alludes in 
 his journal to the reluctance with which he left com- 
 
40 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 muiiion with llie Saviour, though it was to confer 
 with a friend, and on a subject especially congenial 
 to his feelings. 
 
 For the next few days he seems to have suffered 
 dejection of spirit. Having set himself to trace the 
 cause, he says, 
 
 " Gomg down to bathe with a Christian brother a 
 few days since, I talked about other tilings far more 
 than about Christ. Thus the Spirit was grieved. 
 Another thing was pride. I do not prepare so 
 many lessons for recitation as the rest do, but I study 
 ray gi-ammar at home, which is more necessary for 
 me at present than any thuig else. They must con- 
 clude that I do not study much, and tliis thought 
 tries me. But I will do what is best as far as I can 
 see ; and if I have the appearance of being neglectful, 
 I will endeavor to keep my conscience clear in the 
 sight of God, and subdue my pride. 
 
 " Another thing. I have been praying that my 
 burden might be removed, rather than that it might 
 be sanctified. I have been impatient, not trusting 
 enough in the fulness of God. I have been too 
 much troubled about worldly concerns, not remem- 
 bering that God will provide for me. I desire to 
 rejoice, though with trembling, that I can cast my 
 r.are upon Christ, resolving to do my duty and leave 
 results with him. Let me ever cultivate such a 
 spirit, that in times of trial I may look up and say, 
 
STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 41 
 
 ill love and resignation, ' It is my Father. Do just 
 as thou seest best.' " 
 
 Other portions of Mr. Porter's diary evince his 
 desire for the spiritual welfare of his friends, who, 
 he feared, were in the behef of dangerous errors. 
 They could not feel that he was right in his unwea- 
 ried efforts, and ascribed to enthusiasm what he felt 
 to be obedience to the calls of the Holy Spirit. His 
 soul yearned over them. He wept and prayed for 
 them, aii^ longed that they should taste the same 
 heavenly grace, and act under the control of the 
 same divine Spirit, that he hoped was guiding him. 
 Under one date he mentions the faitlifulness of a 
 Christian friend in reproving him for some failings, 
 and desires to profit by the rebuke. 
 
 The cause of home missions about this time en- 
 gaged his attention, and he speaks of becoming a 
 missionary in some destitute part of our own country. 
 He says his prevaihng desire is hereafter "to labor 
 among the vast growing settlements on our western 
 borders." This is the first distinct mention in his 
 diary of a purpose he afterwards more fully cherished, 
 but which he did not live to execute. 
 
 " Wednesday, July 23. — Have been much blessed 
 of late in my studies, owing to particular prayer for 
 that purpose — asking God to give me an inquiring, 
 patient spirit, that I might calmly look mto the 
 intricacies and anomalies of the languages, and a 
 
42 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 persevering spirit, that I might overcome dilTicul- 
 ties — not to show my knowledge, but to contribute to 
 my usefuhiess. Sweet, passing sweet have been my 
 seasons with Jesus at times, and at others my soul has 
 been clogged. But generally my path grows bright 
 
 thou Searcher of hearts, assist me to do thy will." 
 " Sept. 25. — Some precious seasons I have had ; 
 
 but alas, my heart, from time to time, has wandered 
 from God." 
 
 '* Sept. 27. — I am but a babe. I hope I have 
 been a Christian almost five years, but feel that 
 
 1 have made little progress. my leanness, my 
 barrenness ! My example, what has it been ? I 
 shudder to look back on it. I will endeavor to pray 
 more over my example, that it may be such as to 
 carry conviction to those around me that I am bom 
 of God. I am prone to levity. Deliver me, God, 
 from every appearance of evil." 
 
 " Sept. 28. — Resolved to lean more simply on 
 Christ. I learn slowly ; but a dull scholar makes a 
 good one, if he is attentive and has Christ for a 
 teacher." 
 
 On the 4th of November, one of his days of fast- 
 ing and prayer, he says, '* Five years this day since 
 I was converted." He testifies anew to the goodness 
 of God, mourns that he has not served him better, 
 and casts himself once more on his Saviour for mercy 
 and grace. 
 
STUDIES AT WESTFIELI). 43 
 
 " X^ov. 15. — Heard last evening of a man who 
 had broken his leg. Went to visit him, and found a 
 blessing by so doing. May I never forget that ' pure 
 and undefiled rehgion before God and the Father 
 is this, to visit the fatherless and w^idows in their 
 affliction, and to keep one's self unspotted from the 
 world.' " 
 
 Mr. Porter's record is here broken for some months, 
 from the last date up to the 20th of March, 1835. 
 On resuming it, he mentions that he had not con- 
 tinued it because he was absent at New Hartford, 
 teaching a school, and did not take his book with 
 him. He says, "My feeluigs have been various. 
 The first part of the time I was not half as much 
 awake as I ought to have been ; but m the latter part 
 God poured out his Spirit, and I felt more hke labor- 
 ing for him, and tried to do my duty. But I had to 
 leave my dear scholars without an interest in the 
 Saviour, except those who were pious before I went 
 there." 
 
 Learning afterwards that one of these scholars 
 had been hopefully converted, and then another, he 
 rejoiced much, and was again encouraged. A day 
 or two after, he writes, 
 
 "Nov. 25. — Some men lay out their strength for 
 money ; God gives them money : some for honor ; 
 God gives it them. Others lay it out for learning ; 
 they jpossess it. And shall not I lay out mine for 
 
44 chari.es h. porter. 
 
 souls, and expect God will give them to me ? Yes, 
 in his strength will I try hereafter to lay myself out 
 with the expectation that God will make me useful 
 as a means of converting sinners. Let me expect 
 it as much as the laborer expects his wages." 
 
 " April 2. — Find that much talking, if it is not 
 on practical godliness, injures the spirit. More de- 
 termined to ' search the Scriptures.' " 
 
 A letter dated at "VYestfield in April, addressed to 
 his mother, with a single entry in his diary, is all 
 the further hiformation we have respecting him, till 
 we find him the next autumn a member of Yale 
 College. In this letter he speaks of having been at 
 Norwich, and of spending a few days at Sprmgfield, 
 where there was a revival of religion, and says, " It 
 was refreshing to my soul to get where God had 
 poured out liis Spirit ; and it brought forcibly to mind 
 my great unfaithfulness, iiarticularly at home. It 
 is there that I ought to be faitliful. But alas, I am 
 not. When I go home, instead of acting like a Chris- 
 tian, I acknowledge with shame that I act as for- 
 merly. I know that I am more consistent anywhere 
 else than at home. Did I know of any way to pre- 
 sent the truth, so that it might have a saving influ- 
 ence on my dear friends, I believe I should do it. I 
 do know there is something in religion to which all 
 are strangers but those who experience it. 
 
 " We have had happy times here ; some professors 
 
STUDIES AT WESTFIELD. 45 
 
 seem to act as they ought, and God has converted a 
 number of snmers. My enjoyment has been sweet 
 and heavenly. Peace, not that which the world 
 giveth, has flowed into my soul like a river. There 
 is a blessed reality in rehgion which I long to have 
 you all experience." 
 
 He then alludes to some aid unexpectedly received 
 from his brother, and to the goodness of God in con- 
 ducting him on ; and repeats the declaration he had 
 often before made, that nothing earthly could tempt 
 him to rehnquish the object he had in view, of pre- 
 paring to serve the Lord as a minister of his blessed 
 
 His record, on the 5th of May, is quite character- 
 istic. " What a blessing to be reproved. I thank 
 God he has given me a few faithful friends. My 
 labors have been blessed this term, more than ever, 
 and God has given me a number of souls, one of 
 whom came to me this afternoon, and wanted me 
 to try to be more tender when talking to the impen- 
 itent. I felt that it was like oil poured into my souL 
 God has to lay on the rod often, to keep me at his 
 footstool. Every time he blesses my labors particu- 
 larly, he has to give me the rod to keep me from 
 going out of my place. Blessed God, wilt thou ever 
 keep me down and glorify thyself." 
 
46 CHARLES II. PORTER. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 FIRST TWO YEARS IN COLLEG-E. 
 
 In a letter to kis friend D , dated, Yale College, 
 
 October 7, 1835, Mr. Porter thus speaks respecting 
 the commencement of liis collegiate life. 
 
 *' As yet I am much more pleased than I expected 
 to be ; but I am fearful lest the blighting influences 
 of a college life should lead my soul astray from God. 
 I feel that prayer is indispensable, and hope that I 
 shall ever persevere in a faithful discharge o^ private 
 as well as pubUc Christian duties. Many things are 
 new, and calculated, miless one is on the watch, 
 to draw off the heart from God. Many come here 
 warm, I am told, but go away cold. That God may 
 preserve the little spark which I have, that it may 
 shme brightly, is my earnest prayer. I have not yet 
 taken a class in the Sabbath-school, but hope to have 
 a Bible class before long. On Tuesday evening we 
 hold a prayer-meeting of our class, and on Friday 
 evening there is a general one for all the classes. 
 Our class is large, and many of its members are wild, 
 but I hope there is salt enough in it to preserve it. 
 We need great wisdom and grace to mamtain that 
 holy walk which alone A\dll be acceptable to God 
 and presei-ve our character spotless. 
 
 "I am so favored as to be permitted to room out. 
 
FIRST TWO YEARS IN COLLEGE. 47 
 
 My room-mate is one of the best young men I have 
 ever met ; he was a class-mate in Westfield for about 
 six months, and I doubt not he was there the means 
 of converting a number of souls. He is studying for 
 the ministry," He mentions that they board them- 
 selves, and says, " We frequently have crackers and 
 water for breakfast, crackers and water for dinner, 
 and crackers and water for supper, and not unfre- 
 quently a dessert of apples and pears. We have also 
 cheese on the table, and sometimes cookies ; so that 
 you see our dainties, if not ourselves, would almost 
 induce you to come and dine. Living in this way, 
 our board probably costs about seventy-five cents per 
 week." 
 
 Mr. Porter's diary is now written at longer inter- 
 vals, indicating that his time was very much occu- 
 pied in severe study. He was engaged as usual in 
 Sabbath-school instruction ; for a time in the city, 
 and then at Westville, two or three miles distant. 
 
 His record of his collegiate life opens November 
 15, 1835, with complaints of the hardness of his 
 heart. During the absence of his room-mate he im- 
 proves the opportunity of being alone in prayer. He 
 says, " I knelt and attempted to pray, but could not. 
 My heart was hard, and I could not even shed a tear 
 in sorrow that it was so. I concluded that if there 
 was any blessing to be received from God, he would 
 wait imtil he saw I was in earnest before he granted 
 
48 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 it. I gave up all idea of doing any thing else until 
 my heart was right, I wanted to pray for my Sab- 
 bath-school class, but felt that I could not pray ac- 
 ceptably with that state of feelmg. I told God just 
 how I felt, and how little I had loved liim, and asked 
 and plead for a blessing. But a few minutes passed 
 before he came in mercy. He showed me the vile- 
 ness of raiy heart. It seemed as if hell had hold of 
 me, to draw me off from God : pride appeared even 
 in my tears, and I was constrained to feel that I was 
 vile, aivfully so." 
 
 Dec. 27. — " Sabbath evening. This day I have 
 had an overflowing heart. "VYhen I looked around 
 upon the world, and saw that every one of its in- 
 habitants was by nature alienated fi'om God, and by 
 practice sunk in the depths of iniquity — when I re- 
 flected upon the poor heathen smldiig by milHons to 
 the chambers of eternal death, my heart seemed to 
 break, and tears streamed from my eyes. To see 
 my fellow-bemgs sunk deep in guilt, and exposed to 
 the eternal wrath of God, was too much. Oh, my 
 God, wilt thou not convert tliis dying world to thy- 
 self? Felt a peculiar anxiety for an impenitent 
 class-mate ; wrestled in prayer for him, resolved to 
 go and see him, and endeavor with God's assistance 
 to direct him to Christ." 
 
 The next entiy, FebiTiary, 1836, speaks of a more 
 encouraging aspect of things in college, and remarks 
 
FIRST TWO YEARS IN COLLEGE. 49 
 
 that brethren had begun to plead the promises, and 
 " exert themselves in favor of Zion." He adds, " Had 
 a soul-refreshing season with God this evening. Oh, 
 what a privilege it is to be alone with God. I have 
 felt greatly the need of a place where I could enjoy- 
 that privilege since I have had a room-mate, yet I 
 kiiow not but the daily benefit I receive will com- 
 pensate me. For there are many little tilings occur- 
 ring from day to day, and from week to week, about 
 which we differ, and sometimes, perhaps, we should 
 indulge hard feelings were it not for grace. Here is 
 a great deficiency in my character, which I was not 
 aware of until it was put to the test. I find that 
 the moral feelings may be cultivated very much 
 more with respect to little things, which constitute 
 much of human life, by having a room-mate ; but 
 with respect to private devotion, it is far better to 
 room alone." 
 
 Mr. Porter's mind was again dwelling on the sub- 
 ject of missions, to which he seems more resolved to 
 consecrate liimself. He says, " The subject of mis- 
 sions has been for some time on my mind. May God 
 direct me to go wherever he pleases, if my life is 
 spared." 
 
 *'May 3. — As I saw that it sprinkled, I was led 
 to reflect what an admirable harmony there is in all 
 God's works. I know not that I ever thought be- 
 ibre why we need little slwivers frequently during 
 
OO CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 the day, from the latter part of April to the latter 
 part of May, more than at any other tune of the 
 year. Yet the reason is very evident, and doubtless 
 .others who have heen more careful than I to mark 
 how God designs every thing for his own glory and 
 our good, have observed it. At this season of the 
 year every thing in nature is in its infancy. The 
 spears of grass and the plants have but just taken 
 root, and they need to be watered often, and to have 
 the genial rays of the sun as often ; for if it should 
 not rain oftener than at other seasons of the year, 
 the soil would become dry farther than their roots 
 extend, and the consequence would be that they must 
 perish ; and at this season hot sunshine without rain 
 might produce a general famine. Or on the other 
 hand, if we had rain as copiously and as long as at 
 other seasons, they would perhaps be exposed to 
 mould. Thus our heavenly Father takes care of 
 nature in its infancy, by frequently visiting it with 
 gentle showers from heaven, and bestowing upon it, 
 at short intervals, the genial rays of the sun." 
 
 *' May 6. — My soul has for a long time been a 
 desert. It has been far away from my Redeemer. 
 Resolved to spend more of each day during the va- 
 cation in striving to grow in grace. Part of it has 
 passed, and I have neglected it ; but this morning I 
 had a sweet season of prayer, on a retired hill in 
 West Haven. I hope to spend the remainder of my 
 
FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE. 51 
 
 vacation profitably, and be prepared to do good in 
 college during tlie summer term. Expect to leave for 
 New York to-day, and I pray God to be with me." 
 
 It is probable that he spent the anniversary week 
 in New York, and the rest of his vacation in Nor- 
 wich. In a letter dated, Yale College, May 23, ad- 
 dressed to his father, he says, 
 
 •' I feel about prepared to enter again upon my 
 studies, after having spent for the most part a pleas- 
 ant vacation, though I should be pleased to have 
 spent more of- it at home. I feel ashamed to think 
 I have done no more good there. I have been less 
 active in the cause of Christ at Norwich than any- 
 where else. I hope hereafter it wiU not be so. I 
 am glad persons have the Bible to teach them what 
 religion really is, for if my friends at Norwich should 
 judge of religion by my life, I fear they would never 
 become pious. You are not afraid to speak and act 
 on political subjects, to hold meetings, and do any 
 thing that is honorable to secure the end proposed. 
 And why should I be afraid to speak, and act too, as 
 if I am in earnest ? Why should I be backward in 
 using means for the conversion of souls ? If ever I 
 am successful hi winning souls to Christ, I know I 
 must disregard the opinion of those who know not 
 what it is to be born again, and to be ' filled with 
 the Spirit.' THey perhaps think reUgion of little 
 importance, and act accordingly. Our conduct must 
 
52 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 be widely different. I hope to be more faithful in 
 future, and not a stumbling-block to those who have 
 not ' tasted of the water of life.' what a glorious 
 sight, could I come home next spring and see all our 
 dear family converted to Christ, and living for eter- 
 nity. Love to all from your affectionate son, 
 
 "CHARLES." 
 
 "Sabbath Morning, June 12, 1836. — God has 
 been precious to me this morning. In studying my 
 Sabbath-school lesson, while referring to passages of 
 Scripture, I met this : ' Where your treasure is, there 
 will your heart be also.' While reflecting upon it, 
 the fire in my heart burned, and my spirit was 
 broken. Precious gospel ; more precious than gold, 
 yea, than much fine gold." 
 
 " Monday, Aug. 8. — This day I begin the 26th 
 year of my life. how rapidly time flies. A few 
 days and I shall be no more. Others will fill my 
 place, and I be forgotten among the children of men. 
 What could man do without the hope of immortal- 
 ity and of knowing something hereafter, especially 
 of the love of God ? Set apart this as a day of fast- 
 ing and prayer. May it be profitable." This appears 
 to have been his usual practice on every birthday. 
 
 On commencing his second year in college, Mr. 
 Porter writes thus in his diary : 
 
 " Oct. 9, 1836. — During the vacation I found my 
 soul greatly blessed. Perhaps it was because I did 
 
FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE. 53 
 
 not have to confine my devotions to a particular 
 length of time. While I was at home I came to a 
 decision with respect to becoming a missionary. It 
 has been on my mind for months, but I fear that I 
 have not enough made it a subject of prayer. I fear 
 also that I resolved to go from wrong motives. I 
 do not feel fit to be a missionary, but may the Lord 
 prepare me. I have as yet no desire to change my 
 purpose. From the moment I placed my name on 
 the card, I felt a peace of mind as to this subject 
 which I had not felt before. My not being decided 
 on this point, may have been the very reason why I 
 have no more grown in grace. Since that time I 
 can truly say that I believe my path to have been 
 upward. The latter part of the vacation I spent in 
 my beloved Westfield." 
 
 He mentions the sickness and death of several 
 friends in that place ; speaks with great earnestness 
 and tender afiection of those he loved, praying that 
 he may know his duty with respect to them, and 
 alludes to the trial he was to meet in declaring his 
 resolution to be a missionary. He had reason to 
 suppose that his mother would scarcely acquiesce in 
 its propriety, and says, " I have not yet told her my 
 decision, because I do not wish to wound her feel 
 ings so long before the time." 
 
 " Oct. 13. — This day has been greatly blessed to 
 my soul. When reading the 20th chapter of John 
 
54 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 this morning-, I was surprised and delighted. Never 
 before do I recoilect having my heart opened to drmk 
 in God's word so abmidantly. Never before did I 
 see such exceeding richness in it. I was astonished 
 to think I had read the same passage so many times, 
 and yet never seen its beauty — its exceeding loveli- 
 ness. How true it is, that ' the natural man dis- 
 cerneth not the thhigs of the Spirit.' Neither do 
 Christians always ; for alas, how often it is a book 
 opened too much from duty and not from hearty love. 
 I was delighted to discover its richness, and hope 
 hereafter my heart will always be m a proper state. 
 It is a rich feast to spend half an hour alone with 
 God, and if I could have only this during the day, I 
 ought to be willing to toil hard all the rest of the 
 day for it. But blessed, blessed be God, I can take 
 an hour and a half every day, and often much more 
 for this purpose. Bless the Lord, my soul. Al- 
 though I am not as fond of study as of prayer, yet 
 if the Lord lets me have a place and time in which 
 I can commune with him without distraction, I am 
 willing to study or do any thing else which he assigns 
 me. May I remember that it is for his sake I study." 
 "Oct. 25. — I have enjoyed more the presence of 
 God thus far the present term, than for a long time. 
 Many precious seasons have I had. But I am es- 
 pecially gi-ieved this evening that I so often offend 
 my Saviour. Alas, how feeble is man. I go astray 
 
FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE. 55 
 
 like a foolish child. I have sweet seasons with God, 
 and then go out and any one would think that he 
 was farthest from my thoughts. Alas, alas, when shall 
 I be hke God ? O for a baptism of the Holy Ghost." 
 
 " Dec. 6. — My soul is exceedingly vexed with 
 pride — always panting after earthly honors. Yet 
 my blessed God has seen fit to give me no honors 
 among men. Blessed be his name, he knew I had 
 not humility enough to receive them without pride. 
 0, if I can but be contented, yea, rejoiced to have 
 one take the palm in composition, and another in 
 the languages. Yea, let the honors be distributed 
 all about . me, only let me be a little one, dressed in 
 a garment of humility, and seated in some retired 
 corner, out of sight, but feasting on my Saviour's 
 love ; let me but be crowned by him, then shall I 
 be happy. Take, my friends, these earthly honors ; 
 may they do you good : give me the approbation of 
 my Master. I bless God he has made others better 
 men, better scliolars, than myself. May I therefore 
 learn humility." 
 
 Under date of February 5, Mr. Porter, after speak- 
 ing of having neglected his diary, and resolving to 
 write in it at least once a week, says, 
 
 " In the vacation I have reason to hope that God 
 blessed his word. Since the term commenced I have 
 heard of the conversion of my elder sister, for which 
 praised be his holy name. It has shown me my 
 
56 CHARLES II. PORTER. 
 
 utter want of faith, and I hope thrown me more 
 upon Christ." Pie also mentions the conversion of 
 a member of his Bible class, and speaks of a public 
 fast and renewal of the covenant by the churches of 
 the city, and of some cases of hopeful turning to 
 God there, as well as of revivals of religion else- 
 where. In these scenes he mingled with joy, and 
 declares, " Never have I felt more my own nothing- 
 ness and unfitness to labor for God." 
 
 The next day Mr. Porter complains, " Find my 
 feehngs vary too much with outward circumstances. 
 Have been led to doubt whether I ever possessed 
 true love to God. A kind of sluggislniess has crept 
 over my soul." 
 
 This is the first intimation in his diary of his 
 having a doubt respecting his interest in Christ. 
 With all the variations of his feelings he still trusted 
 in him. The happiness he found in liis service led 
 him to feel that he ought not to doubt that he was 
 a child of God, though he often mourned his coming 
 short m duty. 
 
 Alluding to the monthly concert of prayer, he 
 further says, " Have felt for a year past much inter- 
 est for Canada. That may yet be the field to which 
 my Saviour would have me go." We have here an 
 intimation of a feeling which we find afterwards 
 strengthening, and leading him to one of his most 
 Buccessful fields of labor. 
 
FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE. 57 
 
 He was now in the practice of going out occasion- 
 ally to some of the villages near New Haven, and 
 attending a meeting in the evening, and sometimes 
 on the Sabbath. Referring to an invitation to en- 
 gage in such labor, he says, " Was requested yester- 
 day to attend a meetmg at "West Haven, but felt that 
 it would not be right to leave my studies, though 
 nothing would have more accorded with my feelings, 
 had duty directed me to go. Have felt a deeper inter- 
 est in college of late." 
 
 "Saturday Evening, February 12. — God is evi- 
 dently in the city. There have been several conver- 
 sions the past week. The work exceedingly still : 
 no noise, bustle, or excitement. Went over my les- 
 son as speedily as possible, that I might go and see 
 a member of my Bible class. Found a great change 
 in her feelings, and hope it has been wrought of 
 God." 
 
 Alluding to the expulsion of a class-mate for vi- 
 cious conduct, he says, " Could not but contrast liis 
 situation with mine, and ask. Who hath made us to 
 differ ? Prayed that it might be the means of lead- 
 ing him to Christ." 
 
 " Spent more than three-quarters of an hour in 
 prayer this evening for a broken and contrite heart ; 
 did not obtain it, but feel determined not to rest till 
 I do." 
 
 The 23d of February was observed as the amiual 
 
5S CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 day of fasting and prayer for colleges. This day is 
 a most important one in those mstitutions where it 
 is observed. A special blessing seems to attend it. 
 It appears as if the hearts of mothers, fathers, broth- 
 ers, sisters, and friends, breaking as it were and flow- 
 ing together, were drawn out in wrestling urgency 
 for the sons and brothers and loved relatives they 
 have sent forth from the hallowed circle of home to 
 the various seats of learning. The youth themselves 
 cannot but feel it. Not a few, from time to time, refer 
 their first serious impressions while in college to this 
 day. Mr. Porter, alluding to it the next day, says, 
 
 " Yesterday was greatly blessed : deep searchings 
 of soul seem to have been its prevailing character- 
 istics ; especially was it so with me. Scarcely ever 
 has my soul been more searched." 
 
 The notices in Mr. Porter's diary are now more 
 infrequent. He blames himself for not keeping up 
 his resolution of entering a record at least once a 
 week ; but probably he was much occupied, both in 
 his studies and his labors in the revival, which he 
 alludes to as one of much power, resulting in numer- 
 ous conversions, some of them quite reinarkable. He 
 notices the return of the day in which he first united 
 with the church of Christ, and speaks of a conver- 
 sation with a class-mate, now deceased, the first in 
 his class in literary standing, and says, though he 
 detained him from tea unintentionally, yet " he re- 
 
FIRST TWO YEARS AT COLLEGE. 59 
 
 marked to me that my conversation was so profitable, 
 lie did not wish to interrupt it. He seemed to say- 
 it from the heart. that I may be the means of 
 wimiing his heart to Christ. I have had several 
 serious conversations with him." 
 
 "March 16. — Felt somewhat encouraged with 
 regard to my studies. Have had to study very hard 
 Wednesday afternoons and evenings" — usually sea- 
 sons for recreation and meetings of societies — " at 
 which my heart revolted. Did it because I thought 
 it duty." "Can perceive a great improvement in 
 my studies, though I have to toil- for it. But I am 
 convinced that much of the disciplme which I need 
 will be lost unless I learn to conquer. May the Lord 
 prepare me by hard labor for any station in which 
 my Redeemer shall be pleased to place me. May 
 he keep me from ambitious motives. I fear they are 
 too much intermingled with others, and that the love 
 of the praise of man will exert too great an influ- 
 ence over me." 
 
 He mentions, about this time, that he had relin- 
 quished his Bible class in the city, and taken upon 
 himself the superintendence of the Sabbath-school at 
 "Westville. 
 
 There is no intimation where he spent the spring 
 vacation, but we find him again, in the summer term, 
 entered on the severest studies of the second year in 
 college. 
 
60 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 
 
 During the earlier part of his college course, Mr. 
 Porter had been in a great degree free from peciui- 
 iary want ; at least, scarcely the mention of such 
 need appears among his papers, from the time of his 
 leaving New York for Westfield. But the year 1837, 
 as is well known, was a year of great pecuniary 
 embarrassments m our country, and it was to be ex- 
 pected he would feel the pressure of the times. As 
 early as June of this year, we find intunations to 
 this effect. Thus he says, 
 
 " Met with some disappointments with regard to 
 pecuniary concerns, but if my heavenly Father would 
 have me contmue in college he will provide the 
 means." Again : "Pecuniary means have been un- 
 expectedly provided. Received a letter a few days 
 since, saying that I must by no means leave college. 
 That my friends preferred to retrench their private 
 expenses, that the necessary amount might be made 
 up for me. A friend has made a liberal donation, 
 to be called for when I please. Thus, my heavenly 
 Father provides, in ways unseen by me." 
 
 It shows the strong hold Mr. Porter had on the 
 sympathies and affections of those kmd friends, and 
 the expectations which they felt they might reason- 
 
EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 61 
 
 ably cherish of his future usefulness, that at such a 
 period they preferred to make sacrifices of their own 
 comfort rather than that he should not go forward 
 in his studies. In allusion to his dependent situa- 
 tion, and the kindness he received, he says, 
 
 " Find it a great advantage to be poor. It affords 
 God's people a channel for their benevolence, thus 
 making them happy. Have been forcibly struck 
 with tliis fact in relation to the people of Westville. 
 For some time they did not know my circumstances ; 
 they feared to offer me aid lest my pride might be 
 wounded. But by inquiry they found out my situa- 
 tion, and now seem very desirous to assist in giving 
 me an education. When one source is cut ofi", another 
 seems at once to open. He has given me many 
 warm friends at Westville." 
 
 Mr, Porter's vacation, previous to the commence- 
 ment of his junior year in college, was partly spent 
 in Norwich. The only notice we have during this 
 interval, is in some extracts, from a letter to his friend 
 D , of New York. It is dated, Norwich, Sep- 
 tember 1, 1837. In answer to a request that he 
 would call on a friend, he says, 
 
 " On your account I may. I never allow the 
 pleasure of visiting to interfere with more important 
 duties." Again : " I am thankful that the hardest 
 part of my whole course of study is through, I think 
 I may with safety say, tvell through'^ 
 
62 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 He acknowledges a kind donation of clothing which 
 he had received during the past summer, of which 
 he retained such articles as he needed, and says, 
 " Disposed to one and another of almost all the re- 
 mainder, and thus saved many a dollar for a poor 
 Btudent, which in these times I can assure you came 
 not amiss." 
 
 Alluding to the case of a young friend, who still 
 continued unconverted after having been some time 
 under conviction, he suggests the effort to " throw 
 her upon the sovereignty of God," and remarks, 
 " Perhaps it might lead her to her Saviour. But 
 after aU, how feeble is human instrumentahty. We 
 may talk and talk for ever, but v*dthout God's blessing 
 it avails nothing. My dear brother, if we would 
 win men to Christ we must be more in prayer. We 
 must water our couch with tears, and our hearts 
 must yearn with humble, holy ardor for the salva- 
 tion of souls. Humility, brother, profound humility 
 before the great and holy God, is what is needed 
 by us. 
 
 " I am glad to hear that your Sabbath-school pros- 
 pers ; but take care, brother. The devil is always 
 ready to puff up with pride those who try to do 
 good. Let every successful effort humble you in the 
 dust, and make you feel your own un worthiness that 
 God should bestow such high favor on a woitq of 
 the dust, a poor lost simier — lost for ever without 
 
EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 63 
 
 the saving arm of the blessed Redeemer, which has 
 plucked you as a brand from the buriimg." 
 
 Mr, Porter's first entry in his diary, in his Junior 
 year, bears date Oct. 4, " Was sick about a third 
 of the vacation. Health entirely recovered. Had a 
 melting season on the Friday fast, in the vacation, 
 alone in the w^oods. Hope to devote this year to 
 God more entirely than any hitherto." 
 
 " Oct. 25. — I long for the time to come when I 
 shall not be chained down to study. Though I have 
 become fond of it, I wish to spend more time in domg 
 good. But I must learn neither to neglect study nor 
 the cause of God." 
 
 *' Oct. 27. — I hope it may never be said of me, 
 ' Since he has been to college he has lost his piety.' 
 But, blessed Redeemer, may I continually grow in 
 grace, and may my last two years in college be by 
 far my best." 
 
 He mentions on one occasion, November 2, havmg 
 spent an hour and a half or three-quarters mostly in 
 prayer. "I felt," he says, "that Jesus was near 
 me the unworthy, and my eyes flowed freely. 
 that such seasons may lead me near to my God. I 
 feel that I have been peculiarly blessed thus far 
 another year. I have prayed and still pray that it 
 may be more devoted to God than any preceding 
 year. that I might grow in grace, advance from 
 day to day, and month to month, and year to year, 
 
64 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 until tills perisliiiig body shall decay. my God, 
 my Saviour, do thou sanctify me wholly, that I may 
 reflect the image of my dear Redeemer in all my 
 ways. I feel the need of greater humility, and an 
 eye single to God's glory." He also remarks, " I 
 feel my need of locrsieverance, though my friends 
 seem to tlnnk that I possess it." 
 
 " Dec. 11. — My leanness, my leamiess. Though 
 God has poured upon me the greatest temporal bless- 
 ings, yet my soul seems to be blighted. Perhaps I 
 have too much concern as to where I shall go to 
 preach. But why be concerned? If God sees fit, 
 he will send me forth when I am ready. Let me, 
 therefore, leave all with liim." 
 
 In a letter to his friend and correspondent, Mr. 
 D of New York, December 21, Mr. Porter says, 
 
 " One-tliird of the Junior year is passed ; soon, 
 very soon shall I take my farewell of these hterary 
 walls, and enter on my theological course. Four 
 years and a half smce I commenced my studies I 
 AYlio can realize it ? How wonderfully hath the 
 Lord dealt with me. My health, about which so 
 many fears were expressed at the commencement of 
 my course, has been all the time good, except two 
 or three short periods of illness ; and I have pros- 
 pered m my studies beyond my expectation. My 
 rehgious feelings smce I began to study have been 
 variable. Sometimes I have walked in the light, 
 
EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 65 
 
 and at others groped iii darkness, though I sincerely 
 pray that a college life may not leave me with less 
 piety than at my entrance upon it. "With regard to 
 pecuniary concerns the Lord hath dealt bountifully 
 with me. I have thus far been provided for, though 
 when I left my business I could not see a week be- 
 fore me. I knew not how I could get along, and yet 
 you see my absolute wants have been supplied. I 
 Iiave never really suffered, though many times I 
 have 7ieeded what I did not possess.^' 
 
 " Dec. 27. — Saw a new tribute to James B. Tay- 
 lor, and having read the preface, purchased it, believ- 
 ing that those who assist me would not tliink that 
 lost or wasted which tends to fit me to be a better 
 mmister of Jesus Christ. The term has almost 
 closed. We have had our election for appointments. 
 My division have ranked me in the first third in 
 science, but not in literature. Whether the faculty 
 will honor me with an appointment I know not, and 
 feel no concern ; if I fear on either side, it is that they 
 will rank me higher than I deserve. But though 
 not a good scholar, I bless God that I can neverthe- 
 less be a good man, and, with his blessing, do much 
 good." 
 
 He spent liis vacation in Terrysville, a manufac- 
 turing village in the town of Plymouth, Connecticut. 
 Though he was a stranger, his labors here were 
 greatly blessed. Soon after he arrived, a church was 
 
 Mem. Porter. O 
 
66 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 formed and meetings were commenced. "VYith. few 
 exceptions he found professing Christians cold, and 
 says, "Prospects for usefuhiess during vacation are 
 rather discouraging." For his ovna benefit he com- 
 menced reading Pilgrim's Progress, and learning the 
 references. He also began a system of visits to 
 Ikmihes, entering into personal conversation with 
 each member, and was enabled to do much good. 
 A revival of religion, evidently the work of the Spirit 
 of God, commenced ; the church was roused, and some 
 ten or more persons were soon inquiruig the way to 
 eternal life. 
 
 Mr. Porter employed his mornings m study, and 
 liis afternoons in visiting. In the evemng meetings 
 were held, and also on the Sabbath ; they were gen- 
 erally well filled, and sometimes crowded with at- 
 tentive and M^eeping hearers. Soon one and another 
 were uidulging hope in Christ. 
 
 He early won his way to the hearts of the people, 
 and they appear to have had a great desire that he 
 should spend some weeks with them. The vacation, 
 however, continued but two weeks, and his duty re- 
 cpiired him to return to college. The trial of his feel- 
 ings in respect to leavmg them, is described in the 
 Ibllowing extracts from liis diary : 
 
 •' Jan. 16. — Evening. Have been visiting all day 
 and bidding the people farewell. Astonished to find 
 that ahuost every family feci as if / ?)iuU not ^o. 
 
EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 67 
 
 Had a very sweet time, and a broken heart, while at 
 prayer m a poor widow's house. Find that there is 
 an almost universal seriousness. Christians feel 
 much more than they did, but they need more bro- 
 kemiess of spirit. More or less impenitent smners in 
 ahnost every house feel for their souls." 
 
 "Jan. 17. — Last evening I gave the people my 
 farewell. The house was full almost to overflowing ; 
 it was the most solemn meeting we have had. At 
 one time I should think half the congregation were 
 in tears. Some in the course of the evening sobbed 
 aloud. Some anxious ones remauied, and four or five 
 young converts. After a meeting of the committee 
 of the church, they wished to know if it was a pos- 
 sible thing for me to stay over the Sabbath. They 
 said that on Monday they would see me home." He 
 determmed that it was his duty to remam. " In- 
 deed," he says, " I hardly should dare to go away 
 without some one to enter m who could put ui the 
 sickle." 
 
 " Afternoon. Found Mrs. B , the wife of a 
 
 Universalist, hopmg that she had made her peace 
 with God. A young man also feels determined to 
 live henceforward for Christ. He is about eighteen 
 years old, and I hope will exert a happy mfluence. 
 Another, a young lady, feels willing to give up all 
 for Christ, and seems fully decided to live for liis glory. 
 Another youth too gives some evidence of a change." 
 
(53 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 "Jan. 19. — Last evening, though the Malking 
 was bad, the house was well filled. Some came two 
 or three miles. I addressed them from the words, 
 ' Will a man rob God ?' I endeavored to show them 
 that they had robbed Him of the service of their 
 mmds, of the proper exercise of their ailections, of 
 their property, time, thoughts, and conversation. Af- 
 ter I had finished; a young man who was a member 
 of some church, but not known here as such, and 
 who had been a leader m profaneness and iniquity, 
 rose and confessed liimself a robber of God. He then 
 asked forgiveness of God and of all his young friends, 
 and told them he mtended to devote liimself to the 
 service of Christ. All were surprised, and it is to be 
 hoped that it may have a happy effect. Several 
 lingered after the meetmg to converse on the subject. 
 God, prepare me for this work. I feel ignorant 
 what to do, as I have had no experience m such 
 labors. Wilt thou teach me, and then I shall be 
 guided in wisdom's ways. 
 
 "Jan. 20. — Full meetmg this evening, although 
 they have prepared seats to accommodate fifty more. 
 God seems to be powerfully at work, duite a num- 
 ber of young men, I know not how many, have come 
 out for Christ witlihi a day or two. Deep serious- 
 ness reigns throughout ; even the most hardened are 
 thoughtful, and several of the most profane leaders 
 in wickedness have laid down the weapons of their 
 
EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 69 
 
 rebellion. One of them came after the meeting, 
 grasped my hand, and with tears thanked me again 
 and again for my faitlifulness to him. It seemed as 
 if he could not express enough, but I directed him 
 to Christ, feelmg, I believe in truth, that not unto 
 me but unto His name must be all the glory." 
 
 "Jan. 21. — Sabbath. House full to overflowing 
 all day. Some suppose that more than three hun- 
 dred were present. The Spirit of the Lord seems to 
 work with a mighty energy. I never before saw 
 such a work of grace in so short a time. More than 
 fifty stayed to converse. The Lord only laiows how 
 many have given their hearts to Jesus." 
 
 At this time Mr. Porter applied to the president 
 of the college, for leave to remaui a httle longer in 
 the prosecution of this important work ; and havmg 
 obtamed it, he contmued there until another laborer 
 arrived. 
 
 "Jan. 23. — Spoke last evening with reference to 
 false hopes. Never felt so much need of the teach- 
 ings of the Spirit ; find that God is blessing my soul 
 riclily, and not only mine but many others. This 
 evening the meeting was very full. Many are re- 
 joicing ; one, ;who was determined he would not be 
 a Christian, has meekly bowed to the truth." 
 
 " Jan. 25. — Fuid that my discourse on false hopes 
 cut off many, threw many into deep darkness, al- 
 most despondency, and made others more estab- 
 
70 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 lished. These trials will not hurt them, if they are 
 truly pious. Told them plainly, that I had much 
 rather they would at once throw away their hopes, 
 if they were not sound, than to keep them until they 
 were taken into the church, and then slide back into 
 the world, lilve many ungodly professors at the pres- 
 ent day. 
 
 " Just heard of the conversion of a young lady who 
 laughed at the conversation which I had with her 
 some days since. It appears that for about a week 
 she has been under conviction. It has been deej) of 
 late, so much so that she almost despaired of mercy. 
 She felt as if she A^^as the worst of all, and had al- 
 most resolved to seek no longer. She came to the 
 meeting ; the light broke in upon her soul, and when 
 she went home, she went with Jesus as her friend. 
 The woman with whom she lives says she is entirely 
 changed. She is humble, teachable, and rejoices 
 with trembling, lest her heart should, after all, prove 
 to have deceived her. The same woman told me 
 that she said I appeared to her almost an angel. It 
 grieved me that she should know no more of the 
 human heart than to tell it to me. I find difficulty 
 enough in keepmg the flames of pride from burnmg 
 up my piety, without any additional fuel. I had to 
 rebuke the good sister, almost with severity, telling 
 her plainly she' was unintentionally aiming a death- 
 blow at my future usefulness. Oh, that all would 
 
EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 71 
 
 learn a lesson of Jesus ; then they would thuik less of 
 the creature, and more of the Creator." 
 
 " Jan. 26.. — Spent almost all day in hterally pray- 
 ing out a discourse from these words, * Oh, do not this 
 abominable tiling which I hate.' Never before felt 
 so willing to be notliing, that God may be all in all." 
 Of the delivery of this discourse, he says, " Never in 
 my life was I so buried and lost in my subject. Be- 
 fore I was through, I believe I may say, in truth, the 
 whole congregation were in tears." 
 
 He records the following rules for his future action 
 in vacations : " Wherever I go, 
 
 *' 1. Visit the people, and get every family inter- 
 ested in me as an individual. 
 
 " 2. Not propose meetings myself Let the peo- 
 ple get hungry for them before they commence, and 
 then not have them too frequently. 
 
 '■'' 3. Let me be anxious rather to tear away false 
 hopes than to get people to hope. The conversion 
 of a few persons that will honor the cause all their 
 lives, is much more for the interest of Christ's king- 
 dom, than of many with little piety. 
 
 " 4. Let me always feel that I am ' a miracle of 
 grace ;' that I am to do God's work, not mine ; and 
 that if I tliink much of myself, God may blast my 
 hopes of usefulness. He has no need of my services, 
 and can easily dispense with them without any detri- 
 ment to his kingdom." 
 
72 CHARLES II. PORTER. 
 
 " I find I am iii a world of danger. God has al- 
 ready crowned my labors with unexpected success. 
 He has given me many souls as seals of — what ? I 
 was about to say, faithfulness ; but my conscience 
 eays, No. He has converted, as we trust, many 
 through his abounding grace." 
 
 Alluding to liis addresses on the danger of a false 
 hope, he says, though they " shook the hope of many, 
 and destroyed the hopes of others," yet they "seem 
 to have been blessed. Some who were thrown into 
 the deepest darkness, have come out like gold ; they 
 are humble, and fearful lest they should be left to 
 injure the cause they profess 1x> love; yet they are 
 happy." 
 
 He mentions the arrival of a young minister to- 
 spend some weeks with the people. ^li\ Porter 
 went around with him and introduced liirn to the 
 families. He rejoiced to leave them in such good 
 hands, but was tried at the thought of parting with 
 them. His heart lingered around the sacred spot, 
 and it seemed as if he could hardly tear himself 
 away. AVe find him often afterwards looldng back 
 with peculiar interest and deep emotion to the place 
 and the blessed scenes in which he had been engaged 
 in this vacation. He says, 
 
 "Jan. 31. — This day finishes a month which 
 has been spent in this place ; and what hath God 
 wrought ? Surely I am astonished at the wonder- 
 
EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 73 
 
 ful change. Several family-altars have been erected. 
 Some families are almost entirely changed. God 
 has riclily blessed the people." 
 
 With these feehngs he left the place hallowed in 
 his memory by such tokens of mercy, where he had 
 poured out so many prayers, and counsels, and tears, 
 and where he had won so strong a hold on the aflec- 
 tions of the little community. The committee of the 
 church gave him tliirty-five dollars, and presents 
 were added from mdividuals. Thus, while he was 
 seekmg to benefit the souls of others, God was rais- 
 ing up for liim those who mmistered to his temporal 
 necessities. 
 
 On his return to Xew Haven he wrote to his 
 mother, accounting for his not visiting home in the 
 vacation. 
 
 "Yale College, Feb. 7, 1S3S. 
 '•My deaFw Mother, — I returned from Tenysville 
 last Friday, after an absence of five weeks. You 
 must not think that I have no desu'e to come home. 
 I thought of my father, and mother, and sisters, and 
 friends ; but duty seemed to point a difierent way, 
 and I camiot say but it will next vacation. I am 
 aware that it is hard for you to spare me from home, 
 and it causes me pain, when I allow myself to dwell 
 upon it, to be so long absent. But w^hat shall I do ? 
 The world is perishing, and needs all the moral and 
 mental energy that can be apphed to reclaim it ; and 
 
74 CJIARLES II. PORTER. 
 
 if God can make use of the talent lie has given me, 
 to advance his Avork at all, I feel bound to do it, 
 though at the expense of your feelings and my own. 
 But why should I say my own ? For I love the 
 work, and notliuig gives me greater dehght than the 
 faitliful discharge of duty. But there is nevertheless 
 a natural tie that is strong and hard to be broken. 
 I wish to guard you lest, if I should be absent in 
 vacations, you should feel that I have lost my inter- 
 est in home, and seek pleasure somewhere else. If 
 I know my own heart, it is not pleasure that I seek, 
 though it comes as a matter of course from the dis- 
 charge of duty. I love my dear home as well as 
 ever ; but I must seek, hereafter, not ')ny own, but 
 the tliuigs wliich are Jesus Christ's. My health is 
 veiy good. Love to all. 
 
 *' As ever, your beloved son, 
 
 "CHAELES.'- 
 
 His return from Terrj'sville was hailed by those 
 who had before enjoyed his labors at AYestville, and 
 he immediately entered on a contiimance of them. 
 Fresh from the scenes of a revival, with a heart 
 glowing with zeal and love for souls, his jDresence 
 seemed to infuse new life there. The meeting he 
 there held, on bemg resumed, was full and solemn. 
 After he had addressed the church, " one of the dea- 
 cons arose and confessed his declension from God, and 
 resolved to live a better life." His diary proceeds : 
 
EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 75 
 
 " Feb. 9. — Have thus far this term enjoyed much 
 of the presence of God. I have not that dehght 
 of which Taylor speaks, but I have a sweet calm. 
 Jesus seems precious, and I feel desirous of spenduig 
 my time entirely for him. Brother S n's sugges- 
 tion with respect to consecratmg every lesson to 
 God as soon as I have learned it, and any portion of 
 Scripture which I read or hear, I like very much. 
 It tends to humility. It makes me feel that I am 
 not my own, but am entirely Christ's. It is my ear- 
 nest prayer that tliis term may be fully dedicated to 
 God, that I may know that I grow ui grace. Thus 
 far I feel I can sincerely say I have done so, and may 
 the blessed God keep me. ' Hold thou me up, and 
 I shall be safe.' " 
 
 " Afternoon. Went to brother C 's room be- 
 fore dinner, and as both of us cared more about con- 
 versing on religion than for our dinner, we stayed 
 at his room and spent the time ui conversation and 
 prayer. He has been greatly blessed. Many mem- 
 bers of the school which he has been teachuig, have 
 been converted. God has taught liim a new lesson. 
 I hope he will go on from term to term with the 
 same spirit." 
 
 Mr. Porter was now contmually devising methods 
 of active effort. Thus he writes, " Why may I not 
 see my impenitent friends at our table converted ? 
 I know the Spirit of God must do it, but he has 
 
76 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 promised a blessing. They are thoughtless for aught 
 I know, but God can awaken them. blessed Re- 
 deemer, wilt thou not honor thyself m their conver- 
 sion ? Lord, if thou canst make use of me, AA'ilt thou 
 do it ; or any one, Lord, whom thou wdlt send. 
 I feel that I can rejoice in their conversion, if I have 
 to be laid aside lor it. Lord, revive thy work. 
 
 Convert H , and L- , and M , and P . 
 
 Not my will, but thine be done." 
 
 " Kesolved, that even if no other Christian brother 
 IS willing to exert liimself for the salvation of my 
 class-mates, I will go forward in the strength of my 
 Redeemer. I will try to bring them to Christ. 
 
 " I have made so many good resolutions that I am 
 almost afraid to make any more. I feel weak and 
 utterly incapable of keeping them, or rather, I should 
 say, that my wickedness prevents me from keeping 
 them. I hope I have made the above resolution in 
 full view of the difficulties I may meet in carrying 
 it out. May the Lord assist me in using the 7nite 
 of influence I have, in doing them good. Now lead 
 me, blessed Saviour, day by day, hour by hour, and 
 step by step ; preserve me from domg any thing, 
 wrong ; keep me from wounding conscience. May 
 I walk before thee ; may my thoughts be acceptable 
 in thy sight ; may my conversation be heavenly ; 
 may all see and feel that I have been wdth Jesus ; 
 and may I be a living epistle, known and read of 
 
EFFORTS TO DO GOOD. 77 
 
 all men. May I remember that my body is the 
 temple of the Holy Ghost. May I be exceedingly 
 careful not to defile it. May the inmost recesses 
 of my heart be such that I should be willing to 
 have my thoughts brought out and published to 
 the world. May my life hereafter be more godlike, 
 more consistent, and may I every day be doing all 
 my Master's will, and preparing for that holy and 
 heavenly rest which God has provided for those who 
 love him. So let me live, so let me die. So let my 
 soul at death wing its flight to purer, happier re- 
 gions. Use me, God, for thine own honor, in the 
 salvation of men." 
 
 "Feb. 12. — Spoke to the people at Westville last 
 evening. Had some conversation with two Catholics ; 
 found neither of them had a Bible, but each wished 
 one. I purchased two with the Lord's money, which 
 I intend to give them. From the money which I 
 receive from new sources, and on which I do not 
 depend regularly for support, I reserve one-tenth for 
 giving where it seems to be needed. I do not think 
 it right to give away the money which others save on 
 purpose for my support ; but of that wliich comes in 
 unexpectedly, as that which I received the past vaca- 
 tion, I tliink it right to reserve a tenth for tliis blessed 
 purpose. This tenth I put aside with the inscrip- 
 tion, ' The Lord's money.' " 
 
78 CHARLES H. PORTER 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 
 
 The progress of Mr. Porter's mind and heart thus 
 far has been very apparent, and it is evident that he 
 possessed many traits wliich prepared him for great 
 usefulness. We resume our extracts from his diary. 
 
 "Feb. 13. — Heard from Terrj^sville. Brother 
 
 S is still laboring successfully, and I hope we 
 
 shall yet see greater things in that place. How 1 
 long to go. It seems as if I could hardly be con- 
 tented to study ; and yet I believe I can say, ' Not 
 my will, but thine be done.' I will try to wait the 
 appointed time, and diligently prepare myself for the 
 great work which is before me. God can carry on 
 his work of grace without my aid. Why, then, 
 should I not be wilhng to be here ? Help thou me, 
 God, that I may gladly wait till thou shalt call 
 me into the field. 
 
 " I conversed with H yesterday about an 
 
 hour. He appeared to feel no particular interest, 
 but it seems to me that he will be converted. Wrote 
 to the converts at Terrysville. Had an unusually 
 sweet season of communion with God this evening, 
 My heart seemed broken and melted. Thought 
 much of the heathen to-day. Would that my moth- 
 er would rejoice to have mc go and die among them 
 
JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 79 
 
 Should I live, and not go to Canada, probably my 
 course will be over the great deep." 
 
 His feelings on this subject are more fully express- 
 ed in his record a few days later. 
 
 "Feb. 15. — Brother D tells me, that from 
 
 all the colleges and seminaries in the United States, 
 scarcely an individual can be obtamed to go to Can- 
 ada. Some are wilHng to go on foreign missions, 
 hundreds on home missions to the West, but scarcely 
 one can be prevailed on to go to Canada. Mr. Curry 
 was here two years ago, and gave us a thrilling ac- 
 count of the situation of that people. Had I been 
 ready, I would have gone at once ; and it seemed to 
 me that the eight or ten whom he asked for would 
 at once be supplied. But tell them of a township 
 ten miles square, with a tliinly scattered population, 
 many of whom are poor, ignorant, and debased ; of 
 having to preach anywhere and everywhere ; of no 
 roads, or very bad' ones, perhaps without bridges ; of 
 no mtelhgent or Christian society, not even a minis- 
 ter, within twenty, tliirty, or fifty miles ; of a freezing 
 climate, with six months of winter ; of a mixed pop- 
 ulation of Scotch, Irish, French, Enghsh, and Amer- 
 icans ; of havmg to labor for a small salary, just 
 enough to hve ; of being out one side from the world, 
 and laboring there as an humble pastor, unknown 
 except by a few in the tovv'-n or the surrounding 
 population, and of a thousand other diificulties~and 
 
80" CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 tliey wish to be excused. One makes one excuse, 
 and another, another ; and hardly one can be found 
 to go." 
 
 " I was thinking tliis evening, that men have no 
 right to be discouraged who are laboring for Christ, 
 even if they do not have success. If it were their 
 own business, it would be different ; but our duty is 
 to find what God would have us do. When that is 
 settled, we must at once do it, and leave it with liim 
 to bless the effort accorduig to his pleasure. If we 
 are discouraged because it does not turn out precisely 
 according to our wishes, it would seem as if Ave are 
 'seeking our own, and not the tilings wliich are 
 Jesus Christ's.' " 
 
 The 22d of February was the day of prayer for 
 colleges. Mr. Porter speaks of the state of the col- 
 lege as being interesting, and of one or two conver- 
 sions wliich had taken place. He was, however, un- 
 expectedly called to Westville. 
 
 " Though it was the fast for colleges to-day, and I 
 much wished to be here, yet my tutor agreed with 
 me, that I might be more useful at Westville in vis- 
 iting the people and attendmg the meeting in the 
 evening. Accordingly I did so : the meeting was 
 full to overflowing ; they had to open two rooms. 
 Things contmue to grow interesting, and I have 
 great reason to hope there will be a copious shower 
 of divine "fracc. 
 
JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 81 
 
 " Feb. 23. — Resolved to see every professing Cliiis- 
 tiaii in my division " — of his class — " and endeavor to 
 enlist his feehngs in the great cause. May I receive 
 aid from heaven. I feel that I have done wrong in 
 spendmg my hour at noon in conversing with brother 
 
 A mostly on another subject than the interests 
 
 of college. 
 
 " Feb. 27. — Began Edwards on Uevivals ; exceed- 
 ingly interesting." 
 
 Mr. Porter from time to time heard of the advance 
 of the work of grace at Terrysville, and he longed to 
 be there. The number of converts had increased, 
 and portions of the town not before so much blessed 
 shared in the grace. One factory was closed one 
 forenoon, and turned mto a place of prayer. 
 
 He seems to have received much comfort from the 
 assurance that the young converts whom he had 
 been instrumental, as he hoped, of leading to the 
 Saviour, appeared so well. He was mformed that 
 they were active in seeking to lead others in the 
 right way, and might be seen "going to their impen- 
 itent friends weepmg, and beseecliing them to attend 
 to their souls' salvation." 
 
 On the 18th of March, we find Mr. Porter at Hum- 
 phreysville, a part of the town of Derby, not far from 
 New Haven. He was invited there by the pastor of 
 the church to assist him in an interesting state of re- 
 ligious feehng among his people, and obtained liberty 
 
S2 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 to be aLsent a few days from college. From his ac- 
 count there appears to haA'"e been much to contend 
 with. The church had not humbled themselves be- 
 fore God, and did not feel as they ought the greatness 
 of the blessing wliich they sought. Political meet- 
 ings and school exhibitions at first drew off a portion 
 of the people. But the pastor and Mr. Porter perse- 
 vered in their prayerful endeavors, and not without 
 success. On the 25th he writes, " Tlie tide has 
 turned. The work of the Lord now seems to go 
 forward. Several, we hope, have been converted, 
 though the church has had to wade through a sea of 
 difficulties." He received tokens of gratitude from 
 the people, and says, " Let me remember brother 
 
 's treatment of mmisters, and always try to 
 
 make the people satisfied with them." 
 
 On liis return from Humphreysville he heard again 
 from Terrysville, that the work of grace was still 
 contmued there, and says, " It is a sweet comfort to 
 feel that one has been instrumental in the salvation 
 of souls, and yet there is a pahiful anxiety lest they 
 should dishonor the cause of Christ." 
 
 His heart w^as also gladdened by the receipt of a 
 letter from home on the 18th of April, approving his 
 proposed visit to Canada. His parents felt that ii 
 the choice for him lay between a foreign field and 
 one nearer home, they greatly preferred the latter, 
 and hoped, that by enlisting liis feelmgs in some such 
 
JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 8o 
 
 scene of labor, he might be mduced to give up his 
 purpose of crossing the ocean. 
 
 Mr. Porter's next entry is at Norwich, durmg the 
 vacation. 
 
 "May 13. — About the close of the term visited 
 Terry sville for a few days. Found the people in an 
 exceedingly interesting state. Meetings were crowd- 
 ed. Many had been hopefully converted since I left ; 
 many more were anxious, and some it is hoped were 
 converted while I was there. They urged me to 
 stay, but I had promised to go another way." 
 
 He went to New York, where he visited Sabbath 
 schools and attended the anniversaries ; and then to 
 Norwich, where, during the absence of the pastor, he 
 attended meetmgs, and as usual visited from house 
 to house, conversing with the people. He was now 
 in the circle of his relatives, and he speaks as always 
 with great tenderness of those who he believed were 
 still out of Christ. 
 
 Alluding to some preparation for addressing others 
 on which he had bestowed much labor, he says, in a 
 spirit of humble dependence, " Lord, it is thme, not 
 mine." 
 
 On his return to college, he engaged agam with 
 unusual delight in his studies. The wonders of sci- 
 ence seem to have attracted liim, and he was led 
 anew to adore the greatness of God, as well as to 
 feol that but for sin, man might be equal almost to 
 
84 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 the angels in knowledge and holiness. " But," he 
 Bays, "alas, fallen, fallen I Therefore may we im- 
 plore pardon for the past, assistance for the present, 
 and direction for the future. my Saviour, my Fa- 
 ther, let a guilty and polluted worm -yet hide himself 
 beneath the shadow of thy wings." 
 
 His labors were continued in the Sabbath-school. 
 He mentions some encouraging facts, and says, " The 
 Spirit of God seems to be at work." One of the chil- 
 dren " professed herself willmg to serve the Saviour." 
 He also mentions a person benefited by his labors a 
 year before, and says, " She feels that she has been 
 converted, and with tears thanked me for that -con- 
 versation. Whether it had any influence in leading 
 her to her Saviour, I know not. If she is one of 
 Chrisfs 01V71 cliildreii, it is of little consequence 
 whose labors brought her to him, as it must all, from 
 first to last, be traced to the love of God, the grace 
 of Christ, and the influence of the Spirit. Blessed 
 be God that the glory all belongs to him. that I 
 might sink uito the ocean of his love." 
 
 " June 3. — Thus far during my junior year, I have 
 been blessed above former years. May the last few 
 weeks prove the best of all. 
 
 *' June 5. — Daily meetings commenced yesterday, 
 about ten or fifteen minutes in length, after tea ;. 
 very refreshing. Lessons easy ; am enabled to get 
 them, besides attending two extra lectures. This, 
 
JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 85 
 
 of course, keeps me constantly occupied. Work 
 marked out for every moment of the twenty-four 
 hours, so that it is not necessary to lose any," 
 
 Though the entries in Mr. Porter's diary are now 
 shorter and less frequent than at other times, yet 
 they furnish proof of his increased attachment to the 
 cause of Christ, and of liis growth in grace. His 
 labors of various kinds were continued, and he no- 
 tices instances of one and another from time to time 
 giving themselves to God. His mind appears to 
 have been mtent on promoting the spiritual hfe of 
 his class-mates and others among whom liis lot was 
 cast. Thus he says, " Spent about an hour this 
 
 evening in endeavoring to persuade Mrs. P to 
 
 attend at once to her soul's salvation." " Suggested 
 
 to brother L the idea of a fast with reference to 
 
 the coming responsibihties of Senior year. ' We may 
 suggest it to the class. I can truly say, that my 
 Junior year has been one of many blessmgs. I have 
 had, I thuik, more spiritual feasts and melting seasons 
 than m either of the other two. I think that God 
 has blessed my labors to the salvation of as many 
 souls as in all the former years of my life together." 
 
 The responsibilities to wliich he alludes in the 
 coming senior year, may be indicated by stating that 
 the duty of leading the various meetings in college 
 devolves on the members of the Senior class ; and 
 the religious aspect of the college receives a charaC' 
 
86 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 ter from the state of spirituality wliicli exists in this 
 class. Mr. Porter, at the thne when the Senior class 
 left, was chosen one of the number from the future 
 Senior class, who were to act as leaders in the church 
 of the college. He says, in view of it, 
 
 *' It was unexpected, and involves great responsi- 
 bility. If I accept this, I must resign my Sabbath- 
 school. Both are im.portant ; but wliich is most so ? 
 I hope to be taught of God. I have felt for some 
 time a deeper interest in the college, and more of the 
 spirit of prayer for it, than before in three years ; 
 and have sometimes doubted whether I had not bet- 
 ter give up my Sabbath-school, and devote my whole 
 attention to college. What will now be best, I know 
 not. If I can get some devoted person to fill my 
 place at Westville, I shall be inclmed to return to 
 college ; but I think God will teach me. The sug- 
 gestion of a fast was made at a meeting this evening, 
 and the brethren seem to think it important." 
 
 "June 27. — How thankful I am that wiser and 
 better heads than my own advised me, when first 
 setting out, to take a full course. Although I long 
 to be in the field, yet I feel that I can not only wait 
 my appointed time, but when I think how poorly 
 fitted I shaU be for the station even then, I feel 
 thankful that I can study several years longer." 
 
 He continues to breathe forth the most earnest 
 desires for greater holiness, deprecates the secret sins 
 
JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 87 
 
 of liis heart, admires the grace of God in sustaining 
 him while others are cut off, and speaks of a prayer- 
 meetmg of the brethren at noon, and the sweet re- 
 freshment he had while calling on them at their 
 rooms, and in private prayer at his own. 
 
 He was now severely tried by a pecuniary disap- 
 pointment, but says, " I have no reason to be anxious. 
 God has taken care of me hitherto, and I trust he 
 will in future. Let me rather be anxious to do his 
 will, and walk before him with a perfect heart. Per- 
 haps this is the beginning of a series of afflictions by 
 which he means to purify me. If so, thy will, not 
 mine, be done, Father." 
 
 Having heard of the death of a class-mate, he 
 writes, 
 
 " July 22. — I love to think of death. It is sweet 
 to feel that this our earthly tabernacle wiU soon be 
 dissolved ; dust crumble to dust. Soon the messen- 
 ger appears, and what a change I 
 
 " for a more holy walk with God. This is what 
 I need. ' The secret of the Lord is with them that 
 fear him.' Then should I be enabled to adopt the 
 beautiful language of the poet, ' that I had wings 
 like a dove. Then would I fly away, and be at rest.' 
 Sweet rest I heavenly rest I rest for the body, rest 
 for the soul ; rest from sin, rest from cares, rest from 
 pain, sickness, sorrow, and death I A rest with God 
 our Father, who hath so loved us as to give us his 
 
88 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 oiily-begotteii Son. Rest with Jesus, who hath re- 
 deemed us with his precious blood. Rest with the 
 Spirit, who, by his sweet influences, drew us to the 
 Lamb. A rest with angels, who surround the throne 
 day and night, crying, Holy, holy, holy Lord God of 
 Sabaoth. A rest with Abraham, and Isaac, and 
 Jacob, with Joseph, and Moses, and Joshua, and 
 Isaiah, and David, and Paul, and all the holy throng 
 who have ever dwelt upon the earth. glorious 
 rest : we wait for it, and will, by the grace of God, 
 endeavor to be prepared for it any hour." 
 
 Mr. Porter felt it to be necessary to leave college, 
 some time before the commencement, to recruit his 
 health. Before this, however, after noticing his birth- 
 day, and speaking of the wonderful grace bestowed 
 on him, he gives another mstance of God's providen- 
 tial care of him in the time of need. 
 
 " Aug. 9, — For many days have been expectmg a 
 letter from my brother contaming money, but none 
 came ; was reduced to thirty-five cents ; feared I 
 should be obliged to borrow, as I expect to leave 
 town to-day or to-morrow ; but just now received a 
 
 letter from Mr. D , enclosing ten dollars. How 
 
 wonderfully does my heavenly Father provide I Bless- 
 ed be his name for this. May the Lord reward broth- 
 er D a hundred-fold." 
 
 He now took an excursion on foot to Providence, 
 R. I., with the intention of spendhig two or tln-ee 
 
JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. §9 
 
 weeks in recreation in that vicinity. He remarks, 
 " It was exceedingly difficult to compel myself to be 
 willing to spend a week or two in mere diversion ; 
 but my duty seemed to be clear. I must use all the 
 means in my power to preserve my health. Many 
 young men, well-educated and pious, and who long 
 to preach, are laid aside as useless. May the Lord 
 preserve me from a like visitation." 
 
 In a letter to a friend, written at Norwich, on his 
 way to Providence, he seems moved by the consid- 
 eration of God's goodness in preservmg his health 
 the past year, so that he had scarcely lost a day. 
 He appears to look forward to his coming Senior year 
 with delightful anticipations, and speaks especially 
 of his theological course in prospect as " a harvest 
 rich beyond expression." " I cannot bear," he writes, 
 " to think that it must pass away so soon, and leave 
 me, even if I do my best, so ignorant. how my 
 soul exults even to think of tasting the knowledge 
 wliich lies open before me. It seems as if I would 
 delight to enter upon almost any single branch, and 
 spend centuries exploring its depths." 
 
 With his eye fixed on the office of a minister of 
 the gospel, he again remarks, " I shall need to put 
 on anew the robe of righteousness, and be clad with 
 spiritual armor, before 1 shall be prepared for that 
 great office. what an office I Worthy of an an- 
 gel. Would that I might be so far elevated above 
 
90 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 the world, that I may not disgrace the blessed sta 
 tion." 
 
 One can hardly recognize, in these earnest pant 
 ings after laiowledge, the youth once so averse to 
 study as he presents himself in our openmg chapter. 
 What a transformation ; and in this case no one can 
 doubt that it was owing to the influence of the gos- 
 pel of Jesus Christ. 
 
 Mr. Porter remained in Rhode Island a little more 
 than a week. He says, 
 
 "Aug. 26. — Conscience would not let me hunt 
 and fish. It pains me to give pain to any thing. 
 God has been drawing graciously near my soul to- 
 day. Such a season I have not enjoyed for a long 
 time. how barren I have been. I am ashamed 
 of myself. God enabled me to plead for great bless- 
 ings the coming year, particularly for humility. 
 Herein I am greatly wanting ; I feel that I am sadly 
 deficient. The humility of Christ appears perfectly 
 lovely. I can see it also in his ancient disciples. 
 His modern children too, frequently possess it. But 
 oh, when I look into my own heart, the depth, the 
 awful depth of depravity. I desire to be more hum- 
 ble, and the Lord enabled me to plead for it tliis 
 morning with much more earnestness than usual. 
 My soul seemed to agonize for this one great bless- 
 ing. I plead nearly an hour, though the time to me 
 seemed veiy short. 
 
JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 91 
 
 "This noon was greatly assisted in prayer for a 
 further blessing on the commg year : a wiUingness to 
 spend much more time in communion with God ; 
 that the closet may be a delight ; that my affections 
 may be raised far above the world, its praises, and 
 its censures ; that I may find intercourse with God 
 far sweeter than any intercourse whatever with any 
 human being, and that I may have a sense of the 
 power, wisdom, mercy, justice, holmess, and spotless 
 purity of God. For such blessings did the Spirit m- 
 cline me to pray, and may God answer my prayers 
 as he shall see fit. Into thy hands, God, I commit 
 my spirit. 
 
 " I am a poor, frail, dying creature. I am exceed- 
 ingly guilty ; hardly a point to which I apply the 
 touchstone of thy word escapes condemnation. I 
 see myself to be vile, and I am almost afraid to live, 
 lest I should commit some dreadful shi which would 
 fix a lastmg stigma upon my character, and deeply 
 wound the cause of Christ. thou upon whose 
 arm alone I lean, preserve one so weak, so frail, so 
 hable to err, so easily led away by temptation." 
 
 In a few days we find him laboring ui Willhuan- 
 tic, a small factory village in the eastern part of 
 Connecticut. He states, that during the early part 
 of the summ.er there had been several conversions, 
 but for several weeks the religious interest had di- 
 minished, and the meetings were more thinly attend- 
 
9^ CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 ed. His own soul was, however, alive and engaged, 
 and he expresses his feelings in a letter of advice to 
 a friend, m whose Christian welfare he felt much 
 interest. 
 
 "Sept. 4, 1838. — Strive to learn the art, if I 
 may so speak, of domg good. I think Christians 
 generally are far too forgetful of the great end of 
 then* hemg. "VYe need to learn how to do good. 
 Many are smcerely desirous of accomplishing some- 
 tliing, but do not seem to know how. Study the 
 human heart. The Bible will teach it. I have 
 also been much assisted by Mason's Self-knowledge. 
 Another very excellent way to get at the heart, be- 
 sides watching attentively our own, is to get Chris- 
 tians and new converts to tell us what their feelings 
 were before they were serious, while they were so, 
 and after they obtamed a hope ; how they felt about 
 the pleasures and business of the world, how about 
 religion, muiisters, and Christians, and what their 
 objections were, and how removed. Thus one dives 
 to the bottom of the heart. Then we can tell how 
 others feel, so that they will hardly believe that some 
 one has not revealed to us their feelmgs. In this 
 way we can find what to say to the impenitent. If 
 we find them careless, we must present some truth 
 to rouse them from their lethargy ; if they have ten- 
 der feelmgs, but are not anxious, show them their 
 guilt ; if anxious, guide them to the Lamb ; and if 
 
JUNIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 93 
 
 they hope in him, lead them, if possible, to feel that 
 they have a great work before them, and that what 
 they do must be done quicldy." 
 
 " Sept. 4. — Talked almost constantly for four 
 hours — found myself somewhat exhausted ; and from 
 all my intercourse with the people this afternoon, I 
 should judge that there w^as little hope of a revival. 
 Yet God can appear. I feel confident that he, and 
 only he can cause these dry bones to live. Our 
 meeting this evenmg was very solemn. Eternity 
 seemed near; the subject, the judgment. Many 
 tears dropped during the presentation of the truth. 
 that God may speak, and then I know that man 
 v/ill hear." 
 
 Alludmg to his struggles with pride, he says, " 
 that I might be willing that my worthless name 
 might rot that Christ may be exalted. that I 
 might be so lost in the ocean of his love as for ever 
 to forget myself."- 
 
 His feelings led hmi to think of his home and those 
 there whom he loved, and he says, 
 
 " Sept. 9. — Thought seriously of gomg home to- 
 morrow, on purpose to preach Christ to my father 
 and his family, mvite him to ask a blessmg at the 
 table and pray m liis family, and if he w^ould not do 
 it himself, to let me do it every time I come home. 
 Lord, teach me my duty clearly, and give me grace 
 vO discharge it. "When I get home, I always am too 
 
94 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 much as I used to be. I have had far too much of 
 a maii-feamig sph-it. They have sometimes been 
 afraid I was running crazy, hence I have not been 
 as devoted before them as I ought to be. that I 
 might be more hke Jesus Christ." 
 
 " Sept. 10. — Upon more reflection concluded that 
 it would not be duty to attempt to ask a blessing and 
 have family prayers myself, but I think that I will 
 try to set a more Christian example, and endeavor to 
 talk plainly. Lord, give me graco to do it." 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 95 
 
 CHAPTER VII 
 
 SENIOH TEAR IN COLLEG-E. 
 
 Our \ aders have noticed Mr. Porter's progress in 
 intellectual attainments. His mind "became more 
 mature with his years ; and the purpose by which 
 he was actuated in seeking to acquire knowledge, to 
 devote all to God, exercised an ennobling influence 
 upon him, and gave him a firmness and perseverance 
 v/hich enabled him to control hmiself, and gain influ- 
 ence over others. He thus marks his return to col- 
 lege and entrance on his Senior year. 
 
 " Sept. 27, 1838. — I enter to-day upon the studies 
 of my senior year. May the Lord direct me. By 
 his grace assisting, I hope to live a better life. that 
 tliis may be a year of practical godhness. I feel that 
 miless he hold me up, I shall fall. blessed Jesus, 
 suffer me not to stray." 
 
 " Sabbath Morning, Sept. 30. — the loving-kind- 
 ness of Jesus ; how sweet, how sweet his presence. 
 This morning I feel that he has fed my soul with 
 heavenly manna. No tongue can express, no heart 
 can conceive the blessedness, the sweet, the sacred 
 blessedness, of communion with Jesus, but one that 
 knows it by experience. Could men but once taste 
 such love, they would say to the world farewell. 
 My little bedroom is mdeed my Bethel. 
 
96 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 ' Tell me no more of earthly joys.' 
 They have no chamis for me. Tears filled my eyes 
 w'liile at prayer, my soul melted sweetly, and I longed 
 for more of Jesus, Isever have I felt so desirous to 
 grow in grace as of late. I feel guilty for having 
 been so cold and indiflbrent during my previous years. 
 that my future life may be more consecrated to 
 God. The passage, ' Do good unto all men as ye 
 have opportunity,' has of late taken deep hold of my 
 mind. May I be careful to observe it. I find many 
 opportunities, and I hope I may hereafter more dil- 
 igently improve them. Why may I not enjoy from 
 day to day a state of mind that will enable me to 
 feel willing at any tune to depart and be with Christ ; 
 yea, more, that will make me long ' to fly away and 
 be at rest V I do hope that this year will not pass 
 without my being brought to feel so dead to the 
 world that I shall be found in Paul's ' strait.' " 
 
 He speaks of the dull and unpromising state of 
 religion around him, and ui allusion to the eilbrts 
 made to secure the newly entered students for a liter- 
 ary' society, says, *' "VYhy not be as interested to get 
 them into the society of Jesus ? Feel resolved to 
 pray for a revival, to labor with my Christian breth- 
 iren to the same end, and to go to the impenitent. 
 Who knows but God may open the windoAvs of heaven 
 and pour us out a blessmg ? Lord, fit me for the 
 work wliich thou hast for me to do. may I be 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 97 
 
 humbled, and brought to feel as I ought with refer- 
 ence to this subject." He then thus closes one of 
 the books of his diary : 
 
 " Oct, 3. — * And of his kingdom there shall be no 
 end.' Blessed be God I Blessed be the name of 
 Christ I Of thy kingdom there shall be no end. 
 Kings and princes have already risen up against it. 
 The earth has been drenched with the blood of mar- 
 tyrs, ■ but thy throne is not yet overturned. Nor 
 will it ever be. Nation after nation vdll rise and 
 fall. Generation after generation will successively 
 roll unnumbered millions hito eternity, but thy king- 
 dom shall stand as long as the earth endures ; yea, 
 when the earth and all things therein shall be burned 
 up, it shall endure, and endure for ever. Glorious 
 thought I That all the powers of hell shall not pre- 
 vail against it. What, then, am I ? What, among 
 the hundreds of millions who are constantly passing 
 through the world ? What a Httle speck. What an 
 insignificant atom. Christ can build up his kuigdom 
 just as well, if he pleases, without me. that I 
 might feel it, and count it a great mercy if I am per- 
 mitted to have the smallest share in the building up 
 of his church. 
 
 *' God, I pray thee make me wholly thine. 
 may I be entirely swallowed up in the love of Christ. 
 Let me not stray from thy paths. Thou art my 
 strength and shield. Keep, keep me, heavenly 
 
98 CHARLES H, PORTER. 
 
 Father, I shall fall without thee. My steps wiU 
 slide. I am a wandering child, easily led astray. 
 I am a miracle of grace. If I ever get to heaven, it 
 will be sovereign, unmerited goodness — grace, grace, 
 to a poor straying, proud, self-seeking sinner, I have 
 nothing to plead before thee. Make me tliine, en- 
 tirely thine. for a baptism of the Holy Ghost. 
 May I be willing ever hereafter to deny myself, take 
 up my cross, and follow thee, for a holy heart, a 
 heart of love, a burning heart, through which God 
 may work for his own glory. And now, God, my 
 Father, my Creator, my Preserver, my Benefactor, 
 my Redeemer, I sacredly give, I consecrate to thee 
 my life, my all, A poor offering, but aU I have. 
 To thee I give myself, for hfe, for death, for time, for 
 eternity. May I ever feel that I am thine, that 1 
 am to do thy will wholly ; that I am no more to 
 confer with flesh and blood ; that I am, ui all cases, 
 to seek thy will ; in short, to be m Christ and he in 
 me. And now to thee. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, 
 be praise and glory for ever. Amen." 
 
 A break here occurs in Mr. Porter's diary, as one 
 of the numbers is missuig, which we cannot but the 
 more regret, as he seems to have entered upon a 
 most interesting portion of his Hfe. It would be 
 gratifying to go along with him in his efforts to ben- 
 efit liis fellow-students, and to trace the progi'ess of 
 his spiritual life just after the last glowing words 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 99 
 
 and holy breatliings. The following letter to his 
 sister may, perhaps, in some degree supply the defi- 
 ciency. 
 
 " Yale College, Nov. 3, 1838. 
 
 " My dear Sister — I had the pleasure of meeting 
 Mr. S. this afternoon, and thoitgh I have not yet 
 seen the letter he has for me, I will commence an- 
 swering it. Time flies rapidly. Soon, very soon 1 
 shall be absorbed in theological studies : a moment 
 gone, I shall stand, Providence permitting, a herald 
 of the gospel. After which, farewell, ye sacred halls, 
 ye places of retirement ; farewell, ye halcyon days ; 
 farewell, ye beloved associates, ye delightful vaca- 
 tions ; and farewell, ye relatives and friends whom I 
 delight to visit. 
 
 "And whither shall I go? Into the cold region 
 of Canada ? To India ? To Chhia ? To the Sand- 
 wich Islands ? Perhaps to one of these places. If 
 I tliink it a duty, I shall doubtless go. I thmk I am 
 willmg to go to the uttermost part of the earth, if 
 my Master call me there. And though it would be 
 like severing a Hmb from the body to go against my 
 dear parents' will, yet if Jesus call me to make the 
 sacrifice, it is not for me ' to confer with flesh and 
 blood.' I must make it. My Bible teaches me to 
 forsake — whom ? My enemies ? That would be no 
 trial at all. My acquaintances ? That perhaps would 
 be somewhat hard. But it goes much farther : ' Hs 
 
100 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 that will not forsake all that he hath, cannot be my 
 disciple.' He must be willing to forsake even his 
 own beloved father and mother, his brothers and 
 sisters, liis relations and friends, his property, his 
 country, his all. And is this too much ? Ah, no. 
 Jesus has shed his own blood on Calvary for me, 
 and shall I refuse to spend my life for him ? Shall 
 I consult my ease, my happmess, my honor, when it 
 mterferes with the advancement of his kingdom ? 
 
 " But do you begin to feel as though I were almost 
 on the billows, floating upon the deep ? I am not 
 yet gone, nor do I know that I shall ever go. I have 
 sometimes thought I should ; but the great probabil- 
 ity is, that I shall lose myself among the millions of 
 the western valley. I may yet stay m New Eng- 
 land. I may be settled withui a dozen miles of my 
 native place. If I can find where the great Head 
 of the church will have me stationed, there w^ill I 
 stand as a sentinel and watch, whether it be among 
 liis army at home, or upon one of the most distant 
 outposts. I camiot say yet where I shall be. I am 
 afraid I shall be governed too much by love of ease, 
 by aflection for earthly friends and smiilar motives. 
 I find so much sin worldng in me that I am very 
 liable to be misled. 
 
 " I wish my mother and sisters loved the Saviour 
 and the poor heathen enough not only to be willing, 
 but earnestly to desire to have me go from the 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 101 
 
 bosom of tlieir own family, and carry them the glad 
 tidings of great joy. Then I should not be so liable 
 to be misled, and if I stayed at home I should not 
 be afraid that I did it merely from a desire to please 
 my friends. But you must not give yourself any 
 great uneasiness, for as things look at present, I see 
 no prospect that I shall go. My bones will probably 
 lie buried in my own native land, though I some- 
 times thmk they may wliiten some foreign shore. 
 But enough. As ever, 
 
 " Your beloved brother, 
 
 "CHAELES." 
 In a letter from Mr. Porter to his friend Mr. D. 
 of N.e-W York, dated December 8, 1838, he says, very 
 characteristically, "Last evening I received another 
 fifty dollar bill from my dear brother George, wluch, 
 had I know^n when it was coming, would have saved 
 me from saymg any thing to you ; but it will all 
 come in use, and that too without waste. It will 
 probably more than cover the expenses of the present 
 term, so that I hope not to have to call for more 
 assistance for several months. I am really tired, 
 and almost ashamed to call further upon my friends ; 
 and I think somewhat of boarduig myself next term, 
 that I may ayoid it. I beheve, however, that I shall 
 not have to reproach myself for extravagance, though 
 I must say that my conscience of late has been some- 
 wdiat touched by a couple of volumes introduced to 
 
102 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 my library. Most persons, were they to glance at 
 my library, would say, ' What, he need assistance ? 
 Such a library I It is as good as half our young 
 ministers have at their first setting out, and yet he 
 is not through college.' I think I have a good library 
 for one so early in his course and so poor, for it con- 
 tains about 150 volumes. But almost all are the 
 gifts of dear friends. Two expensive volumes, how- 
 ever, have been added lately, and as I am not certain 
 that I ought to keep therri, I will ask some advice." 
 He proceeds to state that these two volumes were 
 Townsend's Bible, in wliich the parts are chronologi- 
 cally arranged, which he supposed would be very 
 valuable, and which being in large type he could 
 read and study at night, and for which he exchanged 
 a work on chemistry. 
 
 Mr. Porter appears to have spent liis vacation at 
 Northfield, as we find two letters during this period 
 dated from that place. He was engaged, it is believed, 
 in laboruig in a revival of religion there. In the 
 former of these letters he says, 
 
 " Jan. 9, 1839. — I alM'ays find a blessing in en- 
 deavoring to ' do good and communicate,' and as 
 usual have found one at this time. I know I am 
 utterly unworthy of it, yet God condescends to grant 
 it. that I had stamped more deeply upon my 
 heart my Saviour's image. This I need, and for 
 this I would request your prayers. I need moro 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 103 
 
 Immility, a more entire dedication of all I have and 
 all I am to God. Little do we feel the great reali- 
 ties of a coming eternity. that I may learn to be 
 a better man." He cautions his friend not to let 
 the heart be too much engrossed in study, urges him 
 to a life of holiness, " and if possible to win souls to 
 God ;" and enforces his advice by a reference to his 
 own example, and the effects of study on his own 
 heart. 
 
 Again, January 18, he observes, " I feel that I am 
 in peculiar danger. I have naturally a proud and 
 ambitious spirit, and things are constantly taking 
 place to fan the unholy fire which burns within 
 my bosom. But Oh for the humility of my dear 
 Redeemer. Alas, how different is our spirit from 
 His. Pray for me, that prosperity may not be my 
 ruin. I have no strength in myself, and if the Lord 
 withhold his protecting hand I shall fall, to rise no 
 more." 
 
 The sixth number of Mr. Porter's diary opens in 
 the second term of his senior year, Feb. 20, 1839, 
 with these words : " that before tliis book is filled, 
 God might permit me to record the conversion of one 
 hundred souls. I feel that such a blessing looks large, 
 but still thou, my Father, canst do it ; and I feel 
 that no one else in the universe can. Were minis- 
 ters to preach and Christians to labor for ever, still 
 the balm of Jesus must be applied to cleanse the sin- 
 
104 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 sick soul. Come then, my Father, make "bare 
 thine arm and manifest thy glory." 
 
 He was soon occupied during his leisure hours in 
 visiting families and attending meetings in West 
 Haven, and considerable seriousness was manifested. 
 He mentions the case of two or three who gave evi- 
 dence of a change of heart. Still, he had some trials 
 there, and alluding to the conduct of some persons 
 who appeared triflmg at one of the meetings, he 
 says, " how it did aimoy me. Truly ministers 
 must he tried. I feel that I can sympathize with 
 them far better than I could formerly. How entirely 
 dependent are we on God for a blessing." . 
 
 A sudden providence, the drownmg of a member 
 of college, struck a blow on the hearts of even the 
 thoughtless. A revival of rehgion in the church, and 
 also an awakening to inquiry among the liitherto 
 careless and stupid were soon manifested, and some 
 who had backslidden, began to return. He says, 
 March 9, the day of the young man's drowning, 
 
 *' Professors of religion have, to some extent, been 
 faithfully conversed with. But what a dreadful 
 coldness. One particularly, who I had hoped would 
 enter into the work of the Lord, is completely dis- 
 couraged. He has tried to labor faithfully, but find- 
 ing no result follow has become disheartened. 
 God, encourage him." 
 
 Again, two days afterwards, he says, in reference 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 105 
 
 to the death, " I have my fears lest it be suffered to 
 pass unimproved. Some Vv^iom I have seen, feel 
 determined to live anew ; but 0, some others — it 
 sickens my heart, it breaks my spirit to see their 
 reluctance. ray God, if such a terrible calamity 
 as this start them not from their slumbers, w^hat 
 will ? But we will leave it with thee. Teach us 
 our duty as individuals, and may we endeavor to do 
 it, though we never see any result. Have mercy 
 iipon us, God, have mercy upon us." 
 
 God was gracious, and he writes, March 1-5, 
 " The religious feelhig is constantly deepening and 
 widening. Solemnity is depicted on almost all. The 
 recitation-room has become silent almost as the 
 grave. No noise, no array of effort, no extra meet- 
 ings, and no extra exertion at our regular meetings. 
 God works in his own way ; Christians are praying 
 much ; they have frequent prayer-meetings, and pray 
 when three or four get together ; they are conversing 
 on the subject constantly ; their hearts are broken, 
 melted, and subdued. Never before, since I have 
 been in college, have I seen any thing like such a 
 state of feeling on the part of the church. It be- 
 comes us to walk carefully before God, lest we grieve 
 his Spirit." 
 
 Mr. Porter's anxiety for the progress of this work 
 was great. He watched every phase of feelmg, 
 every particular instrumentality ; now trembling, and 
 
106 CHARLES II. PORTER. 
 
 now rejoicing. The revival soon became powerful, 
 and Mr. Porter's whole soul was enlisted in promot- 
 ing it. At the same time he had crowded meetmgs 
 at "West Haven, and his heart was cheered by the 
 good news from Northfield. He mentions his read- 
 ing the life of "VYhitefield, and longs to have a spirit 
 like his. He deplores again liis love of praise, and 
 condemns liimself as a vile and guilty being. At 
 the commencement of the month of April, he says, 
 " Blessed be God, I feel that I wish to spend tliis 
 month in more intimate communion with my Maker 
 than any hitherto. May the Lord help me so to do. 
 All my dependence is on liim." 
 
 Mr. Porter made a short visit to Terrysville in the 
 month of April, and mentions an mcident that oc- 
 curred on his way home, with reference to one of the 
 converts of the revival there the year before. He 
 says, " I went into the house to 'see the mother, and 
 was much gratified to find that her son continued to 
 appear well. She said he came home one evening 
 when they lived at Terrysville, and as his father was 
 sick, he took the Bible, read a chapter, and prayed 
 before the whole family. They were greatly sur- 
 prised, and his father, though a professor of religion, 
 thought it was mere excitement and would soon be 
 over. But he has been a growing Christian. His 
 mother says he has learned more by studying morn- 
 ings and evenings and spare moments, since his con- 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 107 
 
 version, than he did before at school. What a won- 
 derfully transforming influence does the gospel have 
 upon the intellect as well as the heart." 
 
 He also went to Westfield, Mass., where he spent 
 his vacation. An extract from a letter to a friend thus 
 describes his feelings soon after reaching that place : 
 
 " April 29. — I find here many friends who are 
 dear to me, and with whom in former days I have 
 taken sweet converse. I find, too, great changes. 
 Some have removed far away, and not a few have 
 fallen before the destroyer — death. Their spirits are 
 now, I trust, among the redeemed, tuning their harps 
 in heaven. I feel that I can sing in truth, 
 
 'I would not live alway, I ask not to stay,' etc. 
 
 I have felt sometunes, smce coming here, as if I could 
 bid death welcome at any time. He looks to me 
 more like a pleasmg messenger than he did formerly. 
 Life looks shorter than ever before, and forcibly re- 
 minds me that I must work while it is called to-day. 
 It will speedily vanish ; therefore, what we do must 
 be done quickly. 
 
 " Forget not to cultivate your heart. Be holy, as 
 God is holy. If you would be truly useful, cultivate 
 holiness to the Lord. Other things are important, 
 but holiness is indispensable. I feel that I have been 
 richly blessedT since I have been in this place. My 
 soul has been again and again sweetly melted under 
 
103 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 the influence of the blessed Spirit. My sins have 
 been hke mountains, but I think I have seen the 
 great excellency and beauty of Christ. I have longed 
 to become more assimilated to liis holy character. 
 It is strange that I should ever wander from liim, 
 but such is my heart, that I do frequently. Let us 
 try to keep near to him. Let us aim at the salva- 
 tion of souls. Notliing else in this world afibrds me 
 the satisfaction that I derive from a consciousness of 
 having been made an mstrument through Christ in 
 the salvation of a soul. Such I find scattered here 
 and there along my pathway. Such I have found 
 here, such -I found m my way to Terrysville, and 
 many such there. For all this I would praise the 
 Lord. Let us learn from it to be faithful in future." 
 To his mother he writes, May 1, 1839, 
 
 " My dearly beloved Mother — It grieves me to 
 think of the disappointment which my absence must 
 necessarily occasion you and my dear sisters. But 
 what shall I do ? I should delight to come home and 
 spend my vacation under our own roof. But is it 
 best ? Shall I win as many souls to Christ ? ' A 
 prophet,' says our Saviour, ' is not without honor, 
 save in his own country.' There is a great deal of 
 human nature expressed in this short sentence. I 
 have thought many times I could be more useful 
 anywhere else than in Norwich. 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 109 
 
 " I often think, it will soon be out of my power to 
 visit you, and that perhaps I had better spend what 
 time I can at home ; and then, again, I think that 
 during my vacations I may possibly do as much 
 good as when I become a minister ; for if the Saviour 
 bless my efforts during vacation in different places, 
 there may be as many souls born uito the kingdom 
 as in any one place during a year of my coming min- 
 istry. I feel, too, that this kind of labor is almost 
 as essential in preparing me for usefulness as a min- 
 ister of Christ, as my collegiate course. No one can 
 imagine the inestimable benefit derived from such a 
 course unless he has tried it. I am aware that the 
 feelings of nature have to be sacrificed, but the reward 
 abundantly compensates. It gives one a warmth of 
 heart books cannot afford. It gives an insight into 
 human nature which is of great importance to suc- 
 cess. It makes him familiar with all classes of soci- 
 ety, so that he fears not to enter the habitations of 
 the rich and preach to them Jesus, and at the same 
 time he becomes conversant with the feelings of the 
 poor. He learns not to desire the riches of the for- 
 mer, when he sees them almost universally connect- 
 ed with so many corroding cares ; while he learns 
 from the latter to be content with liis lot. It teach- 
 es him to sympathize with the bereaved, very many 
 of whom he meets in his labors, and prepares him 
 to 'bind up the broken-hearted,' pouring into their 
 
XIO CHARLES H. PORTER 
 
 hearts ' the oil of consolation.' He learns, too, what 
 kind of preaching is adapted to mankind generally ; 
 he learns wherein ministers excel, and whereui they 
 are deficient ; and why it is that some ministers have 
 the afiection of every family in their congregations. 
 
 " Rehgion is no fiction ; or if it is, it is a blessed 
 fiction, and one which I desire to impart to the whole 
 apostate race of man. 0, when it will afford such 
 unspeakable satisfaction, such amazing comfort, such 
 exultation m a dymg hour, such a longing to depart 
 
 and be with Christ, as was exhibited in a Miss B , 
 
 Avho died a fe^ weeks since in this village" — ^^Vest- 
 field — " surely I would lift up my prayer that it may 
 be extended to all. I feel earnestly desirous, if I 
 know my own heart, to spend all my time in the 
 service of my blessed Redeemer. Such are some of 
 the considerations which mduce me to spend so many 
 of my vacations from home. 
 
 ** BeHeve me, ever to remain, 
 
 " Your affectionate son, 
 
 "CHARLES." 
 
 Mr. Porter's account of the revival in Westfield, ia 
 his diary, is dated May 21. 
 
 " Spent the vacation in Westfield. Had a blessed 
 time, and God saw fit to magnify the riches of his 
 grace in the conversion of fifteen or twenty, as we 
 hope. 
 
 " One of the first converts was a little girl about 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. HI 
 
 ten or twelve years old. The first time I saw her 
 she was in deep distress ; but, as she afterwards told 
 me, she Avas almost angry when I spoke to her. The 
 Lord, however, soon subdued her obstinate heart, and 
 she has smce given pleasing evidence of piety. 
 
 " A young man, who several days was exceedingly 
 troubled, and could neither work nor sleep in peace, 
 and who fought agamst the ' decrees of God, was 
 finally brought humbly to the cross. 
 
 " A woman who had not attended one of the meet- 
 ings, with whom no one had spoken, and who had 
 always shunned ministers, was visited by the Holy 
 Spirit, and brought to trust her heart to Clirist. Her 
 husband, an intemperate, quarrelsome man, was also 
 greatly humbled, and now is, to all appearance, a 
 ^ Christian — prays in his family, and goes with his 
 wife to the meetings. A beautiful sight. I hope it 
 may prove mdeed a work of grace. 
 
 "A husband who was too proud even to kneel in 
 prayer, has been converted, and, so far as man can 
 judge, gives evidence of piety. He now prays in liis 
 family, and we hope walks with God. 
 
 " A young lady, who has been anxious for a year, 
 has at length found peace in Christ; and another, 
 who has been under deep anxiety most of the time 
 for two years, wonders that she was never willing 
 to yield before. 
 
 '* A young man remained after the meeting one 
 
112 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 evening, with several others. He wa.s iii very deep 
 distress. He continued several days in this state, 
 almost despairing of mercy. He had been a drunk- 
 ard, though young ; but the Lord had mercy on him." 
 
 Mr. Porter has given quite an extended account of 
 the mode he adopted in conversing with individuals 
 in this revival, some extracts from which may be in- 
 teresting and instructive. 
 
 " I feel that God's Spirit was the prime mover of 
 the whole. I felt sensibly that vain was the help 
 of man. I have talked sometimes for hours with 
 individuals, but I find that it is wholly vain unless 
 God sanctify it. Unless He change the heart, it 
 camiot be changed. Yet I did not fail to press home 
 upon the sinner's conscience the absolute necessity of 
 his giving his heart to Christ ; the utter uselessness 
 of trymg to make his heart better by delaj^ ; his guilt 
 in putting it off; liis desert of damnation if he neg- 
 lected this great, this simple, this excellent, this only 
 salvation. I tried to vmdicate the character of God, 
 and show the siimer as well as I knew how, that he 
 himself was entirely to blame for not bemg a Chris- 
 tian, and that if God should cut him down this mo- 
 ment and send him to hell, he would be perfectly just. 
 
 " One of the young ladies insisted that she had do?ie 
 all she could. I asked her if she was in the habit 
 of retiring alone, and upon her knees begging God's 
 mercy, and then tried to show her the guilt of living 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 113 
 
 without prayer, and the folly of expecting forgiveness 
 wdthout asking it. As I left her, she seemed to feel 
 ^hat she was a rebel against God. I met her about 
 iusk. She choked for utterance, and asked my for- 
 ^veness. She came out a sweet, decided, humble 
 Christian. 
 
 " I found one young man fighting with God's pur- 
 poses : that ' he hath mercy on whom he will have 
 mercy, and whom he will he hardeneth ;' again, ' My 
 word shall not return unto me void, but it shall ac- 
 complish that which I please, and it shall prosper ui 
 the thing whereto I sent it,' I told him that God's 
 word was sent to accomplish the sinner's salvation 
 if he regarded it, and his damnation if he rejected it ; 
 that it proved a savor of life unto life, or death unto 
 death ; that God had mercy on him that confessed 
 and forsook his sins ; that God had a right to reign 
 and rule, and would do it, whether he opposed or 
 not ; that he would not turn aside his designs to suit 
 liis convenience ; that he designed fire should burn, 
 and he would not alter a law of nature for the sake 
 of accommodating liim ; and if he wished to be clear 
 of the pam, he must keep out of the fire. So, in 
 regard to God's moral law, if he wished to be free 
 from the fire of God's wrath, he must yield to God's 
 directions, and obey liim, and love to obey him, de- 
 lighting to leave all at God's own disposal. If he 
 eould not understand God's purposes, I told him that 
 
 Mem. Torter. 8 
 
114 CHARLES II. rORTER. 
 
 there was much that he could understand, and that 
 he must be willmg to wait and learn ; that he could 
 understand far more now than when he was a child, 
 and if he continued from the present time diligently 
 and prayerfully to read the Scriptures for ten or 
 twenty years, he would then prohably see many 
 things clearly which he could not now understand. 
 That it was unreasonable for a child to look into the 
 back part of an arithmetic, and at once reject it be- 
 cause he could not understand it, when, by beguming 
 right and patiently pursuing it, he might in tuue un- 
 derstand the v/hole. So with the Bible. If people 
 were willmg to begin with its most simple parts, and 
 gradually learn by patient study and prayer, they 
 would in a few years arrive at great knowledge, com- 
 pared with their former ignorance. I saw him the 
 night I left, and found him in a very different state 
 of mind, apparently submissive to* the divine will. 
 He said hereafter he was determined to devote his 
 days to God. He is about seventeen. I directed his 
 attention to the ministiy. 
 
 He proceeds to the detail of other cases, especially 
 those illustrating the trials and duties of pious chil- 
 dren and of mothers, whose parents or husbands were 
 far from God. A daughter, who felt that she could 
 never enjoy religion at home, was led first to con 
 verse freely with her mother, and then even to go out 
 into the field to speak with her father, and with the 
 
SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE. 115 
 
 happiest results. A woman who entreated her hus- 
 band to pray with his family, and when he refused 
 requested the privilege of herself attempting the duty, 
 soon found him deeply anxious for his soul; and "in 
 a few days he was brought out an humble and de- 
 cided Christian, and is now an honor to the Christian 
 cause." Of the young lady who faithfully conversed 
 with her father, he says, 
 
 " the feelings of that poor child. I knew how 
 to sympatliize with her from the bottom of my soul. 
 Of all the crosses which I ever attempted to take up, 
 nothing has been so great as this veiy thing. Many 
 times have I gone to my father on purpose, and gone 
 away with a sorrowful heart ; either not having 
 spoken at all, or at any rate but a little. Nor have 
 I ever yet fully satisfied my conscience on this point. 
 It is a dehcate thing for a child to take the place 
 which a parent ought to occupy ; but, by the grace 
 of God, I hope yet to do it." 
 
 His soul appears to be in the enjoyment of com- 
 munion with God, and he speaks of the " sweet 
 seasons " he had at prayer in the woods, of the "bless- 
 ing" wiiich he found while reading the memoirs of 
 pious men, and the still more excellent word of God. 
 He mentions attending the funeral of a young man, 
 and says he had written to the parents of the de- 
 ceased, who resided in Canada. " Thought," he 
 remarks, "perhaps I may die far from home in a 
 
115 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 land of strangers, and be buried in a potter's-field. 
 Well, a potter's-field is good enough for my bodijy 
 only give my soul a glimpse of Jesus. thou God 
 of the universe, thou Saviour of lost sinners, have 
 compassion ; wash away my sins, deep and dreadful 
 as they are. Thou canst scrutinize them. No other 
 being can behold the immeasurable depths of wicked- 
 ness. It seems sometimes as if I could not endure 
 the sight. thou cleansing Fountain, let me wash 
 my guilty, sm-stained robes m thy blood ; then shall I 
 be purified." 
 
 He spent the time that elapsed between the senior 
 examination for degrees and the commencement, in 
 Norwich and its vicinity. Here and at Bozrahville 
 he was engaged ui attendmg meetings and visitmg 
 the people. After commencement he visited New 
 York and other places, and mentions that he had 
 received an invitation to go to Canada and spend a 
 few weeks before commencing liis theological studies. 
 
 He had now accompHshed one great object on 
 which liis heart had been set, and by diligent appli- 
 cation had obtained those habits of study and other ac- 
 quisitions, by which he was qualified to enter upon the 
 studies immediately preparatory to the sacred office. 
 He had also gained much experience in revivals of 
 religion and other departments of labor, and acquired 
 that laiowledge of human nature which he hoped 
 would render him mcreasingly useful in future years. 
 
VirilT TO CANADA. Il7 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 VISIT TO CANADA— LIFE m THE SEMINARY. 
 
 Ouu readers have observed the feehngs with which 
 Mr. Porter regarded Canada. For years his thoughts 
 had turned to it as a field of future labor ; but he 
 seems to have found no opportunity to gratify his 
 desire to visit that country. Having now iinished 
 his collegiate course, and with the vacation before 
 him previous to liis entrance on his theological stud- 
 ies, he resolved to carry his purpose into execution. 
 We accordingly find him dating his diary at Bur- 
 Imgton, Yt., on his way to Canada. He says, 
 
 "Aug. 25, 1839. — I might have been almost or 
 quite in Montreal at this time, if I had gone onward. 
 Conscience thundered at the thought, and I concluded 
 that it was better to obey God than to break the 
 Sabbath, though it delayed me two days and made 
 quite a difference in the expense. After the decision 
 was made, I had one of the most heavenly seasons 
 that I have ever enjoyed. At Whitehall, yesterday 
 mornmg, for an hour and a half I had such a season 
 of delight in God as I trust I shall never forget." 
 
 " New Glasgow, Lower Canada, Aug. 31, 1839. — 
 Four or five hundred miles from my home, in a land 
 of entire strangers and I am told of very wicked 
 people ; Enghsh, Scotch, and Irish principally ; no 
 
lis CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 minister in the place, and not even a church ; but 
 few members of any church, and of those few but a 
 small number who we have reason to believe possess 
 vital godliness. Desolation reigns. What may be 
 my success in trying to do good among them, I am 
 utterly at a loss to conjecture. A sermon about 
 twenty mmutes long, once in four weeks, is all the 
 regular preaching they have. They come out to 
 no evening meetings, nor do I knoAV as they can be 
 persuaded to do so. Many of the people are given 
 to drink. One part of the settlement seems to be 
 filled with infidelity ; the leadmg man among them 
 is an infidel, and extremely licentious ; many are 
 dependent on him. They are seldom, and some of 
 them, I have been told, are never seen at meeting. 
 Yet Christ has here a few humble, devoted, praying 
 people, and may God of his infinite mercy answer 
 their prayers." 
 
 "Sabbath, Sept. 1, 1839. — The meeting-house 
 built of logs. About sixty people came together to 
 hear the word of God — were very attentive, morn- 
 ing and evening. Some were in tears while I spoke 
 to them of a judgment to come. People seem glad 
 to see me. Very few of my own countrymen to be 
 found ; perhaps three or four out of fifty or sLxty." 
 
 " Sept. 2. — I have been visiting this afternoon. 
 Find scarcely an American, almost all Scotch and 
 Irish. Though they are not like Americans, yet most 
 
VISIT TO CANADA. 119 
 
 of them are well disposed ; but their manners, habits, 
 and language are so different, that I easily realize I 
 am in a strange land. As for religion, many of them 
 know nothmg about it, though there are some very 
 intelhgent Scotch, formerly m better circles in Scot- 
 land. The Lord only knows whether I shall be of 
 diny use to them." 
 
 " Sept. 8. — A great many at church to-day. House 
 almost full. Great solemnity. Truth seems to be 
 getting hold of their consciences. The old Scotch- 
 men drinlt in the truth. I spoke to them m the 
 morning with great plainness. Brought out and 
 exposed their sins, and showed them by the Bible, 
 that such as mdulged them could not be saved. I 
 expected to offend them, but they bore it much bet- 
 ter than I anticipated. Tried to do it tenderly. Se- 
 riousness begins to pervade them. They begui to 
 converse about divine things, and have even gone so 
 far as to appoint a prayer-meeting, a tiling which 
 has before been attempted in vain. that the Lord 
 would condescend to make bare liis arm, pour out his 
 Spirit, and brmg back poor lost souls to himself." 
 
 " Sept. 9. — Two inquiring suiners have been in 
 this morning, and give some evidence of a change of 
 heart. A general seriousness begins to pervade the 
 people, and the word of God is attended with great 
 power. One family have all come out to the meet- 
 ings, closing their house, which it is said they have 
 
120 CHARLES II. PORTER. 
 
 never done before. It is truly wonderful to see what 
 efiects are produced by but a little of God's truth. 
 The Spii'it seems to fasten it home. that God 
 may do Iris own work m his own way." 
 
 " Sept. 10. — More persons at the prayer-meeting 
 than I expected. A number are mquiring with soH- 
 citude, ' Lord, what shall I do to be saved V and some 
 seem to feel that they have consecrated themselves 
 to God. Many Christians are much quickened. They 
 not only have a prayer-meeting, but some six or eight 
 females have resolved to commence one. Some of 
 the most respectable and intelligent heads of famihes 
 seem to be much affected, and those whom it was 
 supposed would be most backward. Several came 
 from Paisley this evening, three of whom were in- 
 quii'ing sinners." 
 
 "Sept. 11. — Many begin to feel deeply, and cry 
 out with earnestness, ' "What shall I do to be saved ?' 
 One old man particularly is deeply distressed, and feels 
 that he has robbed God. that he may meekly bow 
 to Christ. He has long been a member of the church 
 of Scotland, but I believe he is now beginnmg to feel 
 for the first time that he is a poor, needy, lost sin- 
 ner. that God would speak peace to his soul, and 
 bring him out a little cliild, humble, teachable, de- 
 voted, Christlilve." 
 
 " Sept. 12. — People begin to ply me with argu- 
 ments to stay with them at least until spring. Some 
 
VISIT TO CANADA. 121 
 
 tliink it impossible that I have yet three years to 
 study. They present various considerations, which 
 I confess I find it hard to resist. They bid me look 
 at their condition — no regular preaching, wickedness 
 prevailing ; then they speak of their unanimity, and 
 plead the pecuHarity of the Scotch, Irish, Enghsh, 
 and Americans, and say that even if they can get 
 another to labor among them, he may overthrow all 
 the good that has been done ; a part may like him 
 and the rest not. They appeal to my sense of duty. 
 They wish me not to decide at once, to think of it, 
 to pray over it. that they would look to God 
 mstead of man. He can send them a minister after 
 liis own heart." 
 
 Alluding to his prayer for the conversion of one 
 hundred souls at the comm.encement of the last num- 
 ber of his diary, he says, " Had I been faithful, I 
 have no doubt God would have made me thus useful. 
 But alas, my barrenness. God would have me bring 
 forth much fruit. I feel that I have neglected many 
 precious opportunities, now lost for ever. Surely I 
 am an unprofitable servant. that I may hereafter 
 have more of the spirit of my Master, who went 
 about doing good. May I have more of his humility, 
 more of his love — undying, quenchless love for souls." 
 
 " Sept. 15. — Great numbers at church to-day. 
 This afternoon the seats nearly filled, though it rain- 
 ed. This morning the chapel crowded to excess. 
 
122 CHARLES H, PORTER. 
 
 Many came tliree or four miles, and some even far- 
 ther. All were attentive and solemn as the truth 
 was spoken and the great worth of the soul brought 
 to view. Many a tear told the feelings of the heart. 
 that God would speak. Then would they hear 
 and live. Christians seem somewhat revived and 
 strengthened." 
 
 *' Sept. 16. — Mr. B. prayed in liis family last 
 night for the first time. He has formerly been a 
 deist, and though one of the most intelligent men of 
 the place, yet he would cavil, and even swear. He 
 took the Bible last evening, and read those passages 
 which he had formerly cavilled at and openly denied, 
 confessed before his family that they were true, and 
 explained theh meanuig. He read and talked a long 
 while, weepmg all the time. His daughter, though 
 pious, could hardly believe her own eyes and ears. 
 Every one is greatly surprised. His wife has been a 
 bad-tempered woman, but she is said to be greatly 
 changed. Two persons from the tamieiy went as 
 usual to the tavern for liquor, but the tavern-keeper 
 sent them ofi', telling them that he would sell no 
 more hquor on the Sabbath : one step I hope to- 
 wards Bomethuig better. Scarcely ever before has 
 he been known to go out to meetmg, but yesterday 
 he attended morning and afternoon, and is said to 
 have felt deeply. A woman walked two or three 
 miles this mornuig to inquire about the salvation of 
 
VISIT TO CANADA. 123 
 
 her soul. Though she has long- been a member of 
 the kirk of Scotland, yet she says she feels herself to 
 be a poor lost sinner, and never has felt so before. 
 Surely the Spirit of the Lord is in the midst of this 
 people. that they may come to Christ and live." 
 
 " Sept. 18, — A great many at meeting last even- 
 ing, even old Mr. L., whose face I never expected to 
 see in the chapel." 
 
 He next mentions a visit to a place called West- 
 ley ville, where he found a congregation of about sixty 
 persons, and says many of them had intended coming 
 over to his meetings on the Sabbath, but were pre- 
 vented by the rain. He speaks of a young lady as 
 " determined by the grace of God to devote her hfe 
 hereafter to his service." The people wished him to 
 stay, and many who had never before been out to 
 the meetings attended. He says, hkewise, that he 
 sent word to another place, which he called the hot- 
 bed of iniquity, that " if they would appoint a meet- 
 ing," he would hold one there ; to which they returned 
 an answer that they would. Speaking of them he 
 observes, " They work on the Sabbath ; the proprie- 
 tor is said to be an extremely bad character." The 
 leading men are described as infidels, and many of 
 Paine's and Fanny Wright's works were circulated 
 and read there. He writes, " Heard the other day 
 that they were dreading me, and went up among 
 them visiting. As they were probably expecting me 
 
124 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 to begin to argue and pull down their opinions, I 
 said nothing on the subject — let it alone, and made 
 a pleasant visit among them ; and the next evening 
 quite a number came down to the meeting." 
 
 He alludes also to some things which he feared 
 would divert them from the truth ; mentions other 
 conversions, and notices the meetings as crowded, 
 and then liis record at this place breaks off abruptly, 
 so that we are in ignorance of the further results of 
 his labors. Probably he left there m time to com- 
 mence his theological studies at the beginning of the 
 usual term, as we next find him at the Yale Theo- 
 logical Seminary, October 28, 1839. 
 
 In his entry of this date, after mentioning that he 
 had given a five dollar gold piece to the cause of 
 benevolence, he says, " Do not know as I have done 
 right, as I owe some money wliich ought to be paid 
 in the course of a few months. But I found this 
 on the walk, and it seemed as if I had a right to 
 give it away. If necessary, I can pay all by selling 
 my books. 
 
 " Set apart this day for fasting, humihation, and 
 prayer, in reference to the tract district and personal 
 holiness. I need far more of the spirit of my Master. 
 I feel that I am living at a poor dying rate. that 
 I may be more holy, and be the means of leadhig 
 many to Christ." 
 
 His next entry shows his solicitude as to the field 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 125 
 
 of his future labors, and refers all to the disposal of 
 the great Head of the church. 
 
 " Nov. 17. — 0, when my mind really takes hold of 
 the great and rapidly increasing West, it seems as if 
 I should be doing wrong to go to Canada. Were it 
 not for the fact that people will go west who will not 
 go to Canada, and that Canada is almost entirely 
 overlooked, I should not think of it. But why do I 
 thus think so much of the field of my labor ? Per- 
 haps the good Shepherd will take me home before 
 three years have passed away." 
 
 During the winter vacation he was again occupied 
 in laboring in a revival. Thus he says, 
 
 "Feb. 4, 1840. — For the last few days I have 
 been attending a meeting at North Haven. The 
 Lord seems to be doing a great work there." 
 
 To the fidelity and success of his labors in North 
 Haven, to which he thus briefly and modestly alludes, 
 the Rev. Leverett Griggs, then the pastor, bears the 
 following testimony. 
 
 " My acquaintance with brother Porter commenced 
 durmg an extensive and powerful revival of religion 
 among the people of my charge. Hearing of the 
 religious interest that existed here, he came to enjoy 
 the scenes, and see if he could be of any service 
 in social meetings. The church were assembled for 
 prayer the hour he arrived. Without any uitroduc- 
 Uon, he entered the meeting and took part with the 
 
126 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 brethren. His frank, open, warm, and generous heart 
 made many friends aknost immediately. He spent 
 several weeks in the place, when the revival was at 
 its height, and visited us frequently for many months 
 afterwards. "Whenever he was here he was abun- 
 dant in labors, attending prayer-meetings and confer- 
 ences, and conversmg from house to house. 
 
 " His efforts were blessed to many souls. His in- 
 strumentality was very important in increasing and 
 perpetuating a proper state of feeling in the church. 
 He became familiarly acquainted with nearly all its 
 members, and with most of the young converts. They 
 loved him much, as they had reason to do ; for they 
 had been greatly interested and benefited by his la- 
 bors. In consequence of his efforts many professors 
 were quickened, some impenitent persons awakened 
 and converted, and almost all the young converts 
 received such useful instructions from him publicly 
 and in private, that the name of Charles H. Porter 
 will be held by them m everlasting remembrance. 
 
 " "While speaking of his labors among my people, 
 I must not omit to mention his teachable disposition, 
 and the deference he uniformly paid to the ministry. 
 All liis movements were calculated to strengthen my 
 hands and cheer my heart, and increase the attach- 
 ment existing between the pastor and the people. 
 He manifested no desire to take the direction of af- 
 fairs, but was always ready to receive counsel, aud 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 127 
 
 serve wherever he could he rendered useful. He had 
 a passion for domg good ; his heart was full of he- 
 nevolence ; it shone in his countenance, and marked 
 liis life daily. I scarcely ever met with one who 
 does with his might * whatsoever his hand findeth to 
 do,' in such a degree as did hrother Porter. ' He 
 was a turning and sliining hght.' " 
 
 About tliis time Mr. Porter mentions that for some 
 weeks he had been attenduig a meeting ui New 
 Haven on Saturday afternoons, to pray for a bless- 
 ing on the tract distribution, and for a revival of 
 rehgion. Fmally several of the tract distributers 
 commenced a meetmg once a week in a very wicked 
 neighborhood. These meetings were doubled, so that 
 they met twice a week, and a revival was the conse- 
 quence. " Some eight or ten, perhaps more, in that 
 district, hope they have found a Saviour." 
 
 He was also engaged a part of the time in a re- 
 vival of religion at Wallingford. In a letter to a 
 friend, written from North Haven, he says, 
 
 *' I ought, in such a favorable situation as this, to 
 grow in grace. I can be of little, very httle use 
 without it. You know I have but little natural tal- 
 ent, and all that I can ever hope-to acCompHsh must 
 be through divme grace alone. Therefore pray that 
 God may use me for his own glory. He can bless 
 small talents, if fully consecrated to his service. May 
 the Lord Jesus reign supreme in our hearts." 
 
128 CHARLES II. PORTER. 
 
 In April he seems to have been somewhat depress- 
 ed, as he thus writes, at the begimiing of tliis month, 
 *' Alas, alas, where am I ? I feel that for months I 
 have been straying from the Lord. My time has 
 been wasted, my devotions have been too much neg- 
 lected and irregular, and my heart hard. God has 
 been heaping favors upon me, and I have been un- 
 grateful. A miserable minister should I make with 
 such a heart. that I may begin anew. Lord, aid 
 me in cultivatmg hohness." 
 
 His next entry is May 15, 1840. "Revival still 
 continues at North Haven. Conversions occurring 
 almost every week. Several have mdulged hope 
 within the last two weeks. Brother G.," the pas- 
 tor, "sick, and I am worn down. Leave soon, to be 
 gone a fortnight. My purse runs very low, but God 
 can provide." God did provide ; for, in a letter a few 
 weeks after, he says, " Twelve dollars were handed 
 me this day by brother G. of W. It was entirely 
 unexpected, but exceedingly welcome." 
 
 He again speaks of his " thoughts turning towards 
 Canada ;" says he " awoke before three o'clock think- 
 ing of it, and could not sleep agaui ;" longs " to know 
 God's will, to be blessed with a deeper work of 
 grace " in his heart, and to have " a closer walk 
 with God ;" mourns over liis iuM^ard corruption, and 
 prays earnestly for humility as a crownuig grace in 
 wliich he feels himself greatly deficient ; and adds, 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 129 
 
 that his soul " sweetly melted at the idea of Christ's 
 death for the ungodly," and at his own infinite obli- 
 gations to his Saviour. 
 
 In a letter to a friend who was in poor health, 
 dated July 30, he says, " How well it is that we 
 do not hold our destinies in our own hands. If we 
 are disappointed, our hopes wither, and we fade as a 
 leaf; but God is not disappointed, and he sees that 
 our afflictions, wliich for the present are not joyous 
 but grievous, will afterwards yield the peaceable 
 fruits of righteousness to them who are exercised 
 thereby. Pray for a spirit which is contented to be 
 sick. It requires more grace to be patient and will- 
 ing to be sick, than to be active m the cause of Christ 
 when well ; and I have sometimes thought that per- 
 haps God afflicts his children to show to worldhngs 
 the excellency of a rehgion wliich can make them 
 happy even in adverse circumstances. This carries 
 to the heart of the worldling the truth of the excel- 
 lency of religion. It shows him that he has nothing 
 to compare with it, and leads him perhaps unac- 
 countably to respect if not desire it. Sickness af- 
 fords an opportunity to exercise many graces wliich 
 are not caUed forth in health ; and it is often observed 
 that those who are ripest for heaven are those who 
 have been through the fiery furnace. Who knows 
 but some part of our character which will afibrd us 
 tlie liighest happiness in heaven, must be developed 
 
 Mem. Porter. 9 
 
130 CHARLES H. PORTER 
 
 by afflictions on earth. And how much more deeply 
 can they sympathize with Christ, who receive a por- 
 tion of such afflictions on earth as he endured ; for 
 ' he was a man of sorrows, and acquainted with 
 grief He knows well how to sympatliize with you, 
 for ' he knoweth our frame, he remembereth that we 
 are dust.' * As a father pitieth his cliildren, so the 
 Lord pitieth them that fear liim.' If we feel so 
 deeply for you, how, think you, does Christ feel? 
 "WTiat a blessing to have such a Friend to whom we 
 can go." 
 
 In a little more than a year, the person addressed 
 stood beside Mr. Porter's dying bed. 
 
 A day or two after, Mr. Porter writes agam to the 
 same friend. " The Lord permitted me this morn- 
 ing to enjoy one of the most sweet and refreshing 
 seasons with which I have been favored for a long- 
 time. I felt that I could give myself to him entirely, 
 and let him do with me as he pleased. It seems to 
 me that it would be the severest trial that could 
 befall me, to be shut out from preaching the gospel. 
 But I hope I can say, ' Thy will be done.' It seems, 
 as if it would be the greatest privilege God could 
 bestow to allow me to preach. I can hardly realize 
 that he will permit mc, so mean, so deffled with sin, 
 so ignorant of his will, to stand in the pulpit and 
 proclaim salvation to a lost world, l^ray for me, 
 that I may be baptized of the Holy Ghost. Some- 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 131 
 
 times I long to get out, and were it not for tlie deep 
 consciousness of my almost entire unfitness for tlie 
 work, nothing that I know of would stop me. I 
 have felt to-day like a bird with its wings cHpped 
 and caged for tv/o years in order to give the feathers 
 time to grow." 
 
 A few extracts from letters to friends may partially 
 supply the deficiency created by the want of entries 
 in his diary at this period. The first year of his the- 
 ological education was closed, and he had commenced 
 his second. In writing to his friend D., in answer 
 to the question, " How do you succeed ?" he says, 
 
 "Nov. 17, 1840. — I hardly know what to say. 
 As to my piety, I feel sensibly that I have but little. 
 I am poorly qualified to preach the gospel oi Jesus, 
 as I expect soon to do. My soul needs to lean far 
 more on the Beloved ; I need to learn of him, to 
 walk with him, to be imbued with liis Spirit, and to 
 be filled with his grace. I think I have desires for 
 more holiness, and that I love to commune with 
 Jesus, and that I try to walk with him. Yet I am 
 ashamed of myself, and feel miserably qualified for 
 the great work before me. Yet God can help. I 
 have httle, very little confidence in human learning 
 without the teachings of the Spirit. Learning, and 
 talents, and eloquence are but vanity without the 
 power of God to seal the truths of his word on the 
 hearts and consciences of men. I have no hope of 
 
132 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 doing good Avithout the constant presence and assist- 
 ance of that great Being in whose cause I am en 
 gaged ; but with his ahnighty aid, surely much may 
 be done. When therefore, dear brother, you pray for 
 me, pray that I may be clothed with humility, be 
 filled with liis Spirit, and live in such a way that 
 God can, through me, accompHsh his purposes in the 
 salvation of men." 
 
 From a letter to another friend in New York, dated 
 December 10, 1840, we take a few extracts. After 
 thankhig him for liis timely aid, he says, " Never 
 have I been so pressed for means as since I entered 
 the Theological seminary. Yet the Lord has dealt 
 bountifully with me." Alluduig to a severe bereave- 
 ment which his friend had suffered, he expresses his 
 sympathy, and says, 
 
 " We have the richest consolation in the death of 
 your dear wife. She is now, as we hope, singmg the 
 songs of Zion ; yes, tunmg her golden harp to praise 
 Kmg Immanuel ; and for ought we know, she may be 
 looking forward to the happy period when she wdl 
 hail you as havmg passed the dark valley, and ready 
 to unite with her in singing the songs of redeeming 
 love. She may even now be ministermg to your 
 wants. She may witness your deep aflhction, and 
 see how it is working out for you * a far more exceed- 
 ing and eternal weight of glory.' As we know not 
 exactly how mind acts on mind, and as we are many 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 133 
 
 times influenced by other minds, who have them- 
 selves premeditated and brought about a given course 
 of action, while we, it may be, thought the whole 
 execution our own ; so perhaps those who have gone 
 to heaven may influence us, may in some way pre- 
 sent motives which will lead us to a certain course 
 of action. It is possible that the angels who watch 
 over souls, and carry back the glad tidings to heaven 
 of a shiner's conversion, and the great cloud of wit- 
 nesses, Heb. 12 : 1, who were once saints on earth, 
 Heb. 11, may influence us; and it is possible that 
 your dear companion, who is now one of that ' great 
 cloud of witnesses,'* may be watchhig over and bless- 
 ing you. Whether this be so or not, there is One 
 who is far superior, far better — even Jesus — who 
 watches over you ; and, dear brother, though he try 
 you ui the deep furnace of affliction, yet it is best, to 
 purify and purge away the dross, and fit you for 
 heaven. Those who have no afflictions may be back- 
 ward to leave earth ; but the deeper the trials, the 
 more exceedingly precious will be the delivery from 
 them." 
 
 On the occasion of the same death, Mr. Porter ad- 
 dressed a letter to the mother of the deceased. 
 
 " Gone to rest. Happy spirit ! what a treasure 
 have you now in heaven. Did you love before to 
 think of Jesus, of the spirits of the just made per- 
 fect in heaven ? methinks you now have an addi- 
 
134 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 tional treasm-e there. The shepherd, when he can- 
 not drive his sheep from the lowlands to the moun- 
 tain tops to feed, can easily cause them to follow him, 
 by taking a lamb in his arms and leadmg the way. 
 So with the great Shepherd of Israel. If he find 
 that we love to dwell beloiv, he can soon call us 
 upward m our thoughts and feelings, by transplant- 
 ing a lamb into the paradise of God. Yes, my dear 
 sister, I believe that God cuts off these creature com- 
 forts, that our pathway to the tomb may be more 
 easv, that we may have a more ardent attachment 
 to the heavenly world, that our feelings may be sub- 
 dued, and that we may by these trials be the better 
 prepared for the rest which remaineth for the people 
 of God. 
 
 " I am glad to mingle my S3rmpathies and prayers 
 with yours on tliis occasion. There is another also 
 who will sympatliize with you. It is He who wept 
 at the grave of Lazarus ; He who hath ' borne our 
 griefs and carried our sorrows,' who was ' wounded 
 for our transgressions, and bruised for our iniquities.' 
 Yes, Jesus will sympathize with you, and you will 
 not be forgotten by the holy One of Israel ; for, ' like 
 as a father pitieth liis children, so the Lord pitieth 
 them that fear him.' And he will never ' afflict 
 ■vyilhngly, nor grieve the children of men.' Nor will 
 he be unmindful of our frailty, for ' he remembereth 
 that we arc dust.' " 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 135 
 
 An interesting letter to his friend D bears 
 
 date, New Britain, Dee. 18, 1840. He writes, 
 
 " You may ask why I am here. About three 
 weeks since, a revival commenced in this place, and 
 has been pecuHarly interesting for about two weeks. 
 How many conversions there have been I am unable 
 to say, but the number is large, and there are many 
 anxious. The pastor being in feeble health, sent to 
 the seminary for assistance. Dr. Taylor recom- 
 mended the young man to apply to me. According- 
 ly I have come here to spend a few days in a most 
 interesting work of grace. I shall not probably re- 
 main more than a weelc, if I do as long.'? 
 
 " Dec. 19. — I spent the forenoon yesterday in visit- 
 ing from house to house in one of the outer districts- 
 I found some converts, and many either thoughtful 
 or anxious. At half past two they met in a school- 
 house. I talked to them about the judgment. The 
 house was very full, and the people solemn ; many 
 tears fell, and it was manifest that God was there. 
 In the evening a meeting was appointed for those 
 who had lately hoped, and those who were anxious. 
 It appears that the interest has greatly increased 
 within a week, for upon the same evening of last 
 week but about tliirty were present, and last evening 
 there were about seventy. They were of all classes 
 and ages, though not many were above forty or fifty 
 years old. There were many young men, heads of 
 
13& CHARLES II. PORTER. 
 
 families, and some of the most respectaMe and influ- 
 ential in the place. Many feel deeply, and we hope 
 that the Holy Spirit will lead them to Christ." 
 
 After answering some inquiries of his friend respect- 
 ing his pecimiary wants, he adds, 
 
 " After all, I consider these trials as nothing, abso- 
 lutely nothing, in comparison with the great object 
 before me. I am really quite ashamed to speak of 
 them. I would cheerfully undergo all, and a hun- 
 dred times more, to have the inestimable and glorious 
 privilege of laboring for my dear Hedeemer. Floods 
 of tears roll down my cheeks as I think of being per- 
 mitted to labor as an ambassador in his vineyard. 
 Oh, how I bless the Lord my God for leading me to 
 that decision. Next to the period when I gave my 
 soul to Christ, I count that the most sacred and 
 blessed moment of my life, in which I consecrated 
 myself to the great work of the ministry. It was a 
 great struggle to give up for ever the idea of wealth, 
 of ease, of worldly comfort ; to think of bemg depen- 
 dent on charity for nine long years, and of living in 
 poverty all my life ; but 0, the blessedness of that 
 moment I Never, never have I regretted it. My 
 peace has at times flowed like a river, and God has 
 been pleased — yes, I desire to say it in humility 
 and praise — my God has been pleased greatly 1o 
 bless my poor eflbrts to do his will. I weep as I 
 think of his wonderful kindness, of his great coiule- 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 137 
 
 scenslon. It seems wonderful that lie sliould so sig- 
 nally bless one so poorly qualified to labor for him, 
 one so sinful ; but, praise to his name, he has blessed 
 me, and seldom has he permitted me to labor a sin- 
 gle week in a place without giving me souls for my 
 liire. It makes me ashamed, to think of my deep 
 ingratitude and the poor returns which 1 have made 
 to him ; but 0, it comforts ntie to think that God 
 loves his dear Son, and though we are infinitely un- 
 worthy, yet, for his sake, he will be pleased to bless 
 us. It is a great, great comfort that God can use 
 ' the weak tilings of this Avorld to confound the 
 mighty.' I am conscious of the inferiority of my 
 natural talents. I am aware that many of my 
 brethren have far superior, and I bless God for it. 
 I ask for not one more than I have. All I ask is, 
 that he will give me grace properly to improve them. 
 Feelmg thus, it is a great comfort to think he can 
 make use of them, though feeble, to promote his 
 glory." 
 
 On entermg another, and, as it proved, the last 
 year of his life, his feelings seem to have turned with 
 increased strength to the conversion of his parents 
 and relatives. In a letter to his father, dated, 
 " Hartford, Jan. 7, 1841," he writes, 
 
 " My dearly beloved Father — You are proba- 
 bly aware, that ever since my conversion to God, I 
 have had great anxiety for my beloved friends. My 
 
138 CHARLES II. rORTER. 
 
 prayers have ascended day and night for their con 
 version. I acknowledge that I have not prayed as 
 much as I ought, or as earnestly as I might, nor 
 have I had that faith in God w^hich I ought ; yet, by 
 his grace, I will continue to pray for them, but for 
 you m particular. Morning, evening, and at noon, 
 will I pray to God that he will convert your soul 
 to himself You have ever been to me a kind father ; 
 and, excepting pious instruction, the best of fathers. 
 I hope ever to return a grateful heart, but can never 
 hope to repay the trouble wliich I have cost you. 
 
 " I know not what I can do better, or how to 
 make a better return, than to ask my heavenly Fa- 
 ther to bless you, to give you a new heart, to shed 
 abroad his Holy Spirit upon your soul, to give you 
 the unspeakable consolations of religion. I hope 
 Boon to see a neiv family in Christ; to see my dear 
 father, whose locks are whitened with more than 
 threescore years, taking the Bible from its long re- 
 pose, reading the word of God to his family, kneel- 
 ing before the mercy-seat in the midst of them, and 
 imploring pardon and a blessing. Oh, . I imagine 
 that, by the eye of faith, I behold the joy of a family 
 redeemed. Yes, God is faithful, and in hinr I trust. 
 My dear, dear father, shall not God be praised in 
 our family ? As ever, I remain, 
 
 " Your affectionate and beloved son, 
 
 "CHARLES." 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 139 
 
 These extracts have been introduced not only as 
 descriptive of Mr. Porter's tender faithfulness to those 
 whom he loved, and who he feared were still un- 
 reconciled to God, but in the hope that those alike 
 who knew him, or Avho were strangers and who may- 
 read these pages, may breathe forth their prayer for 
 the object on which his heart was so much set — the 
 spiritual welfare of his friends at home. His own 
 lip* are now sealed in silence ; but the record of his 
 feelings may be the means, through the prayers of 
 others, of brmging to pass that dearest wish of his 
 heart. 
 
 In another long letter, dated Jan. 27, 1841, he 
 urges the subject again on his father's attention, and 
 uses the most earnest expostulation to induce him to 
 examine it as it deserved. He says, in closing, 
 
 " Alas, alas, that a child should take the place of a 
 parent ; but 0, I must do it, and entreat you by the 
 deathless interests of your own immortal soul ; by 
 the value of the souls which God hath committed to 
 your charge, and for which you must give an ac- 
 count ; by all that is dear for time and eternity, that 
 you will neglect tliis subject no longer. Forgive me, 
 if I have said any thing to wound your feelmgs, but 
 I do plead most earnestly, that you will not reject 
 the salvation which has been pur#hased by the blood 
 of the Son of God. Oh, my father, m.j father, can 
 you reject Jesus Christ, that blessed Saviour, who for 
 
140 CHARLES 11. PORTER. 
 
 the sins of men has bled and died ? Will you refuse 
 to worship in your family that God on whom you 
 are dependent for every hreath you draw, and for 
 every blegsing you enjoy?" 
 
 About the same time, probably, as the letter is not 
 dated, he wrote a long letter to his mother, full of 
 argument and counsel, and the most urgent and af- 
 fectionate entreaty. He concludes this letter in these 
 words : » 
 
 " For months, if I mistake not, have I borne our 
 beloved family on my heart to God m prayer, morn- 
 ing and evening ; nor do I mean to cease till they 
 are either converted to God, or we are laid cold and 
 lifeless in the tomb. 
 
 " BeUeve me to retain, as ever, the most deep, 
 sincere, and ardent affection for my beloved mother ; 
 and may God permit us yet to reign together, heirs 
 of God through Jesus Christ our Lord, during the 
 ceaseless ages of eternity. 
 
 "CHAELES H. PORTER." 
 
 There was now evidently a growmg earnestness 
 in his endeavors to become fitted for the great work 
 before him. He felt that ere long he must come forth 
 as a commissioned servant of God to preach to dying 
 souls. He had a deep sense of the responsibility un 
 der which he was ^o be placed, and trembled at the 
 thought of his own deficiency. In a letter to a friend 
 to whom he was accustomed to unveil his feelings 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 141 
 
 in the most intimate manner, dated Hartford, Jan. 
 18, he writes, 
 
 " I think that I am learning slowly how to live. 
 I have not studied the word of God sufficiently. 
 The key to the proper study of the Bible is found m 
 Proverbs 2:1-6. I have not taken up religion as 
 the great, only, and all-absorbing subject, and read 
 my Bible and sifted it, and ' cried after knowledge,' 
 and ' searched,' as I ought. Alas, how can I ever 
 be a minister of Christ ? I must make it my busi- 
 ness to follow the leadings of the Spirit, learn God's 
 word, and how to apply it to the hearts of men ; and 
 why may not God make use of me in the salvation 
 of thousands ? 
 
 " Alas, I know I am a worm ; a poor, weak ves- 
 sel. But God is pleased to use the weak things of 
 the world to confound the mighty ; and I am more 
 and more convinced, that it does not require great 
 talents to convert this world to God. No, only let 
 the common talent be consecrated to God, and he 
 can work mightily to the pulUng down of strong holds. 
 0, that the few talents the Lord has been pleased to 
 give me, may be entirely consecrated to his service ; 
 then I am certain, that he could greatly use them 
 to his glory. I never can be the instrument of lead- 
 ing thousands to Christ without great consecration. 
 0, that I might be so filled with love to God, have 
 so ardent an attachment to the blessed Jesus and to 
 
142 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 jjoor dying souls, that all my time, all my talents, 
 all my bodily and mental powers shall be entirely 
 and for ever devoted to his service." 
 
 In Mr. Porter's next letter to his friend D , 
 
 Feb. 10, 18il, acknowledging the receipt of clothing 
 and money, for Avhich he is most grateful, he says, 
 " I have for many months groped m darkness, not 
 knowing wliich way to turn, and sometimes thinli- 
 ing that I should have to reluiquish months and per- 
 haps a year or more of study ; but I have reason to 
 bless the Lord that he has permitted me the prospect 
 oi co?n2)lcti7ig my studies. You Imow I have always 
 been an advocate for a thorough course, and I have 
 no reason to regret that I have prosecuted mine, be- 
 ginning at the foundation, though it requires some 
 patience, and makes me rather old." " Time is fly- 
 ing ; and what I do must be done quickly. A few 
 short years, and we shall be standing before God in 
 judgment." 
 
 In a letter to the same friend, dated March 22, 
 he says, 
 
 "My health is hardly as good as usual. My 
 strength has been exhausted in revivals of religion. 
 "When I returned from Hartford, I was requested to 
 give the Park-street church, in New Haven, an ac- 
 count of the revival. I did so. They then wished a 
 meeting the next evening. I consented. Then they 
 wished another ; and so on, tlirough the week. At 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 143 
 
 the close of the week, God seemed evidently to be in 
 the midst of us ; the church seemed to feel so, and 
 some were serious and inquiring what they should do 
 to be saved. Soon, a little boy was indulging a hope ; 
 also a medical student, and' a class-mate who gradu- 
 ated with me ; but my throat became sore, and the 
 doctor said I must give up laboring altogether." 
 
 He then speaks of the powerful revival which was 
 in progress in the city, by which multitudes — infidels, 
 Universalists, drunkards, and gamblers even — were 
 awakened and turned to God. Of his health, he 
 adds, " I apprehend nothing serious. If I could be 
 contented to rest a little by and by, I think my sys- 
 tem would be restored to its accustomed elasticity. 
 If I am careful, I presume I shall find no further dif- 
 ficulty." He writes also, that he had been expecting 
 to get a license to preach, but that on further con- 
 versation with his instructors he concluded to delay 
 it till the regular time, the next summer. It must 
 have ' been a severe trial to Mr. Porter to be so laid 
 aside from successful labor, at a time when there was 
 so general an interest in the subject of religion. 
 
 The followmg extracts are from a letter to his 
 mother, dated March 26 : 
 
 *' My dearly beloved Mother — It seems as if" 
 every revolving year increased my affection for you. 
 It may be only because I become more sensible of 
 the afi^ection which has always existed. I have been 
 
144 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 expecting to visit home in a few days, but I shall 
 probably now postpone it till vacation. My pecun- 
 iary affairs are in a better state than they have been 
 for years. I have received this winter and spring 
 about a hundred and seventy-five dollars, which has 
 more than paid off all my debts. A hundred and 
 fifly dollars of this I may perhaps return, if I ever 
 get able ; but if not, it will not be required. 
 
 " My health I do not thmk as good as usual. 
 One reason is, that I have been somewhat exhausted 
 in revivals, and another undoubtedly is, that ' I have 
 great heaviness and continual sorrow in my heart 
 lor my brethren, my kindred according to the flesh.' 
 Romans, chap. 9." He proceeds as usual with the 
 most tender and urgent expostulation, labormg as 
 one who must give account of liimself to God — with 
 great plainness and seriousness setting forth the truth 
 as it is in Christ, and manifesting how deeply he 
 longed to have those whom he loved, sharers in the 
 same belief and blessings which were his own. 
 
 " April 4. — Enjoyed this day one of the sweetest 
 communion seasons, if not the very sweetest, that I 
 have ever enjoyed; even sweeter, if possible, than 
 in the days of my espousals to Christ. My inter- 
 course with God for some weeks has been greatly 
 increasing. Sweet, heavenly peace has frequently 
 filled my heart. I have nevertheless felt totally uii 
 worthy to preach the gospel ; and it seems frequently 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 145 
 
 as if God could not honor me so higlily as to let me 
 preach and win souls to him. A great revival is 
 now in progress in this city. Hundreds have already 
 indulged hope ; perhaps fifty or sixty in college ; 
 many hardened, abandoned uifidels in town are also 
 converted." 
 
 In aU these scenes Mr. Porter rejoiced greatly, and 
 bore an active part. He spent his vacation in his 
 native place, where he sought with more than usual 
 activity to make his influence felt as a Christian, 
 and to awaken a deeper interest in the people of God. 
 After having obtained the concurrence of the pastor 
 of the church, he attended and led in some neigh- 
 borhood conferences and prayer-meetings. But he 
 was too much exhausted to prosecute his design, and 
 was obliged to a^bandon it. 
 
 On May 3d, he writes to a friend, from Norwich, 
 " Pray for me, for I greatly need your prayers. I 
 never recollect having felt such trials ; I never have 
 been borne down with a sense of the worth of pre- 
 cious immortal souls as I have for those in this parish. 
 It has seemed sometimes as if I should sink, for it 
 may almost be said by every impenitent man, ' No 
 man careth for my soul V Perhaps you say, ' What 
 do you intend to do ?' I intend, by the grace of God, 
 * in the morning to sow the seed, and in the evening 
 to withhold not the hand, inasmuch as I know not 
 whether shall prosper, either this or that, or whether 
 
 Mem. VoTter. 1 
 
146 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 both shall be alike good.' Mme is the labor, the 
 result is God's." 
 
 Ill a letter to liis friend D , June 12, Mr. Por- 
 ter mentions a project — which he had been for some 
 time maturuig, and to which he had made occasional 
 allusions — of devoting liimself to missionary service 
 in Iowa. He says, 
 
 " I am thinking of being licensed about the first 
 of next month ; then I hope to study another month 
 or six weeks ; after which, for two or three months, I 
 should be glad to supply some pulpit." " I should 
 be glad to have you mquire of Mr. Badger respecting 
 home missions. I have been tliinking of late of going 
 to the West, perhaps the far Yv^est, beyond the Mis- 
 sissippi, to Iowa. I might possibly, if absolutely' 
 necessary, go this fall, though the strong probability 
 is, that if I go, I shall not leave before spring. Is it 
 probable that next sprmg a missionary will be want- 
 ed for Iowa ? If so, at what place, etc. ? I have 
 thought that I should like to devote some time in 
 preacliing on home missions, till the people get inter- 
 ested in the subject. It seems to me that New Eng- 
 land is all asleep m regard to home missions. It 
 rejoices my soul to hear that the Society are going 
 to try to raise $50,000 more this year than the last. 
 I wish it could be $500,000 ; and if the people of 
 New England felt half the obligation which rests 
 upon them, they would give it. It seems to me, tliat 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 147 
 
 unless Christians of this country are wilUng to sacri- 
 fice much to preserve our religious privileges and hand 
 them down to posterity, G od will overthrow our bless- 
 ed institutions, and curse us with spiritual famine and 
 desolation from one end of the land to the other. 
 
 " If the Lord should ever see fit to send me to the 
 West, I have been thinking whether there are not 
 twenty merchants who would combine to give twen- 
 ty dollars each to support me, and whether, by such 
 an example, twenty more might not soon be found 
 to support another, and twenty mechanics to support 
 another, and so en ; or whether a church, or tAvo 
 or three churches, might not combme and send one. 
 Might not some such plan be pursued, so that great 
 multitudes might be sent who noAV stay here ? 
 
 " I have not yet decided to go. It would be a 
 very great grief to my dear parents and friends to 
 have me go ; but 0, v/hen I tliink of the coming 
 myriads that are soon to pass through that great 
 valley on their way to judgment, I ought to be will- 
 mg to forsake father and mother, brother and sister, 
 though it be like sundering the cords of fife. My 
 dear brother died, a year after graduating, hundreds 
 of miles from liis father's house, not one of his friends 
 near him ; and if I were to go, they might expect me 
 soon to follow liim ; but I count not my life dear to 
 me, as I humbly hope, if so be that I may win Christ, 
 and souls to Christ." 
 
148 CHARLES 11. PORTER. 
 
 Mr. Porter, with three fellow-students, was licensed 
 to preach the gospel, July 28, 1841, by the Associa- 
 tion of New London county. Speaking of this event, 
 he writes, under this date, in his diary, " Thus, after 
 eight years of continued study and labor, have I been 
 permitted by the grace of God to enter on this holy 
 callmg. To it I have looked with great delight, and 
 I would call on my soul and all that is within me to 
 praise and bless his holy name. I feel, however, 
 miserably qualified to discharge its responsible duties. 
 I feel that 1 need more piety, more knowledge, more 
 judgment, and, in short, more of every thing that 
 constitutes a good and useful minister of the Lord 
 Jesus Christ." 
 
 In confirmation of his sense of responsibility thus 
 expressed, a friend says, "In his room I found at- 
 tached to his book-oase door, where he was in the 
 habit of writing, the following sentence : ' In pre- 
 paring sermons, let me never inquire what estimate 
 men will put upon them now, but how God will re- 
 gard them at the judgment-day.' " 
 
 Another says, *' In the last interview I had with 
 him before his being licensed to preach, observing 
 how pale and feeble he looked, I urged him, with 
 Bome degree of warmth, to take care of his health. 
 * If I should not live long,' said he, ' it will all be 
 well ;' and, after pausing a moment, he added, ' I 
 
 FEEL THAT I HAVE BUT ONE OBJECT TO LFVE FOR, AND 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 149 
 
 That is, to take as many souls to heaven \\^TH me 
 
 AS I POSSIBLY CAN.' " 
 
 The Lord, however, saw fit to remove him just as 
 he was stepping on the thresliold of his profession. 
 
 A few records in his diary, and a short extract 
 from a letter, are all that we have to add before we 
 come to his death-bed. For some Sabbaths after his 
 receiving a license, he preached in Terrysville. This 
 must have been an interesting scene of labor for him. 
 Here he had been the m«ans of whining souls to 
 Christ ; this people had taken a deep interest m his 
 success, and had been looking forward to the time 
 when they should enjoy his services in leading their 
 worship. Now that wish was gratified. The clos- 
 ing notices of liis diaiy are all dated at this place. 
 The entries, for the most part, are brief, but they 
 show the labors hi which he was engaged, and the 
 subjects of his discourses. 
 
 " Terrysville, July 31. — Left Norwich 29th inst., 
 and intended to have been here yesterday ; but some 
 of my friends in Hartford, who had formerly lived in 
 "West Hartford, urged me to go out there and preach 
 last evening, as they had no minister. Preached 
 from John 15:4,' Abide in me.' " 
 
 "Aug. 1. — Preached in the morning from Acts 
 27 : 31, * Except these abide in the ^hip,' etc. ; after- 
 noon, from Amos 6:1, 'Woe to them that are at 
 ease in Zion.' All dead. Scarcely a conversion for 
 
150 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 three years. Can learn of but two during that 
 period. 
 
 "Aug. 3. — Tuesday evening meeting — pretty good 
 number out. Preached from Heb. 13 : 17, ' They 
 Avatch for souls.' Solemn, but nothing special. Have 
 been writing durmg the forenoons on Heb. 2:3,* How 
 shall we escape,' etc. Yisited some families in the 
 afternoons. Find here and there a person serious. 
 
 " Aug. 5. — Preached this evening on Town-liill, 
 from Eccl. 11 : 6, 'In the morning sow thy seed,' 
 etc. Greatly favored — ^preached remarkably easy — 
 quite a good number out. 
 
 "Aug. 6. — Preached at the centre school-house, 
 from Titus 1:16,' They profess that they know God,' 
 etc. Room dark — body fatigued — dull. 
 
 " Aug. 7. — Fmished sermon. AVorked at it all 
 the forenoons of the week, and a great part of the 
 afternoons. Needs another week of labor to make 
 it a decent sermon. Visited somewhat during the 
 week — find a little seriousness. Some Christians are 
 feeling more. Some begin to think about a revival. 
 
 " Aug. 8, 1S41. — Tliis day am thirty years of age. 
 Is it ])0ssidle? How time flies. A few days, and I am 
 gone. Tliirty years I Perhajys I may live^^-c years 
 more. Lord, so teach me to number my days that 
 I may apply my heart unto wisdom. Preached from 
 Heb. 2 : 3, in the morning. Very solemn ; many 
 tears, especially towards the close. Aftemoon, sub- 
 
LIFE IN THE SEMINARY. 151 
 
 • 
 
 ject, the rich man and Lazarus. More solemn and 
 still. Tears all over the house. Some reason to 
 hope that God is about to revive his work. Even- 
 ing, preached from Prov. 28 : 13, 'He that covereth 
 his sins,' etc. It was an awfully solemn time to 
 many. that God may break their hearts and lead 
 them to himself He only knows what he intends 
 to do. that he would send down the Holy Spirit, 
 and do his own blessed work. One female professes 
 to have given her heart to the Saviour. If it is so, to 
 God be all the honor, praise, and glory, world with- 
 out end. Amen. 
 
 " Aug. 9. — A meetmg v/as appointed tliis evenmg 
 for those who wished to converse particularly on the 
 subj ect of religion. Eleven were present — all young. 
 Nearly all felt deeply, and tliree or four, about sixteen 
 or eighteen years of age, seemed to think they had 
 consecrated themselves to the Lord. May the Lord 
 preserve them, and lead them to be his smcere follow- 
 ers. A number are serious who were not present." 
 
 Tliis is the last entry in Mr. Porter's diary. He 
 left Terrysville soon after this on a visit to liis broth- 
 er, then residing in Syracuse, N. Y. His state of 
 health probably rendered this necessary. 
 
 In giving an account of this visit, his brother says, 
 *' After taking tea on Friday evening, August 20, we 
 went to a singing-school, and afterwards stepped into 
 a temperance meeting, the first of the Washingtonian 
 
152 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 efforts in that place. After reaching home, the bells 
 rung for fire. We started, but, before reaching the 
 place, turned to go home, as the fire seemed to be 
 subsiding, when suddenly we heard the explosion of 
 Qunpowderr 
 
 Tliis was that dreadful event, the account of which 
 was pubhshed at the time in the public journals, 
 which occasioned the death of twenty-five persons. 
 Mr. Porter preached on the evening of the following 
 Sabbath, in the Rev. Dr. Lansing's church. The 
 next week he left for Kew Haven, A short extract 
 from a letter to a friend, dated at Cooperstown, Ot- 
 sego county, Aug. 27, 1841, probably on liis return, 
 gives us his last record. 
 
 " that we might always be submissive to oui 
 Father's will ; that our thoughts and desires might 
 all be in conformity to his sovereign pleasure. I have 
 yet to learn the M^ay of holhiess. How poorly pre- 
 pared am I to preach the gospel. Pray that I may 
 be a workman rightly dividing the word of truth, 
 and that I may win souls to Christ." 
 
 Mr. Porter, on his arrival at New York, made 
 some appointments to preach, but was suddenly 
 called to New Haven by the sickness of a friend. 
 He there took cold, while watching with a sick child. 
 This was followed by a dysentery, from which he 
 never recovered. The account of his sickness and 
 death will be given in the next chapter. 
 
THE CLOSING SCENE. 153 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 THE CLOSING SCENE. 
 
 We have thus traced Mr. Porter from his entrance 
 into the fold of Christ, through the difficulties he had 
 to encounter in his preparatory, collegiate, and theo- 
 logical studies, to his becoming a commissioned ser- 
 vant of the Redeemer. We have seen him beginning 
 to preach the gospel in public, and maturing his plans 
 to become a missionary to the far west. We now 
 come to his sick-bed and dymg hour. 
 
 There is a natural desire ui the human bosom to 
 know how a fellow-being dies. The death-bed is ever 
 a solemn place where lessons may be gathered for the 
 living ; and that of the Christian especiallj presents 
 scenes that sometimes border on heaven. It is not 
 the privilege of all to rise triumphantly in»raptures 
 of delight and with visions of glory full before them, 
 or to siiLk calmly to rest, undisturbed by pain, and 
 peaceful as the infant's slumber. There is the aching 
 brow, the painful sense of debiUty, and the distracted 
 mind, from which even the child of God is not ex- 
 empted. Nor is it necessary that a peaceful and 
 quiet death-bed, or a scene of surpassing triumph in 
 the last hour, should crown the well-spent life. 
 Whitefield, in reference to his dying testimony, ons^ 
 remarked that he had preached Christ a living teS- 
 
154 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 timony. Such had been the aiin, in all liis labors, 
 of Charles H. Porter. 
 
 The closmg scene of Mr. Porter's life, however, 
 was deeply interesting. Two accounts have been 
 furnished by different individuals, both of which will 
 here be given. The former of these is somewhat 
 general, and traces the progress of the disease till its 
 fatal termuiation ; the latter is a fuller and more par- 
 ticular description of the state of liis mind during his 
 illness and in the prospect of death. 
 
 " Mr. Porter returned to New Haven from New 
 York, Saturday evening, September 4, 1841. The 
 week following, and the next week until Friday, he 
 spent with sick friends in New Haven and North 
 Haven, and with gratitude saw them recovering from 
 the borders of the grave. On Friday he began to 
 complain, of illness, and on Saturday, Sept. 18, was 
 obliged to take his bed. His disease — dysentery — at 
 first assumed a very mild form. 
 
 " On Wednesday morning, the 22d, there appeared 
 to be a great excitement of the nervous system, which 
 caused much suffering, and continued in a greater or 
 less degree until Friday afternoon, the 24th, when it 
 mcreased so much as for three hours to deprive him 
 of reason. His mind at tliis time seemed occupied 
 with the work to which he had consecrated hiHi' 
 self His desire was to preach, and his efforts to do 
 
THE CLOSING SCENE. 155 
 
 it SO great as entirely to exhaust his remaining 
 strength. 
 
 " On Wednesday he first spoke of his situation as 
 being one of danger. Viewing it thus, he said, ' Had 
 I served Christ as I ought, my disease would not give 
 me any anxiety.' When asked if it did, he replied, 
 * Not much.' " 
 
 A friend who spent the day with him on Thurs- 
 day, thus writes : "On Thursday morning I found Mr. 
 Porter so low from faintness as to he unable to con- 
 verse. After some time he said, in a low whisper, 
 ' I will talk with you as soon as I have recovered 
 from my faintness.' About an hour after, finding he 
 was somewhat revived, I asked him if he thought he 
 should recover. He replied, ' I have thought so, but 
 I do not feel as well this morning ; yet the doctor 
 speaks encouragingly, and I thmk, with good care, I 
 shall soon be better.' 
 
 " He was rather restless until two o'clock P. M., 
 when he fell asleep and slept quietly for about ten 
 minutes. He awoke in great distress, sprang up in 
 the bed, and said he was dymg. He called for some 
 •members of the family, who came immediately into 
 the room, when he bade them farewell, said he was 
 called unexpectedly away, but added, ' It is all right ; 
 I only desire to live to preach the gospel, but God 
 knows what is best.' I said to him, ' I think you are 
 not dying, and Ihope that the Lord has work for you 
 
156 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 to do on earth ; if so, he will raise you up.' He 
 replied with much earnestness, and with a counte- 
 nance more expressive than language, ' God has work 
 in heaven for his children.' I said, ' There is a world 
 to be converted through human instrumentality, and 
 I hope you vn.]! be spared to labor for its conversion.' 
 He repUed, ' I have unconverted friends for whom I 
 have labored and prayed, but without effect, and my 
 death may be the means employed for their conver- 
 sion ; if so, I shall not die in vain.' He then left a 
 message for his parents, brother, and sisters. 
 
 " During the evening, as he lay with liis eyes 
 closed, apparently asleep, I remarked to a friend sit- 
 ting with me, that Mr. Porter had not left his work 
 to be done when he entered the ministry, but had 
 labored during all his preparatory course. He open- 
 ed his eyes, and said, ' It was poor labor, but God has 
 accepted it.' 
 
 " At another time he said, ' Tell my parents I am 
 not sorry I prepared for the ministry. I commenced 
 my studies without knowing how I should get along ; 
 but God has raised me up friends in a wonderful 
 manner. I have always been provided for ; and if 
 God calls me a^'-ay just as I am ready to preach, it 
 is because it is best.' 
 
 " I called again on Saturday and found him fail- 
 ing. Upon my inquiring how he felt, he replied, 
 * Not as well as I was when you left me yesterday 
 
THE CLOSING SCENE. 157 
 
 morning. I tliink God designs to take me home 
 soon.' 'Has death any terrors to you?' 'No, not 
 any. I rely on the merits of Clirist alone. I have 
 no righteousness of my own.' 
 
 "On Sabbath morning as I entered his chamber 
 he gave me liis hand with a smile, and in reply to 
 my mquiry how he was, he said, ' Shghtly better than 
 I was yesterday, but a great deal better than I was 
 that dreadful Friday.' His recollection of those hours 
 vras painful in the extreme. He feared lest he had 
 said and done tlihigs that would do hurt — that were 
 dishonorable to rehgion. The assurance that he was 
 not accountable for what he did at that time, seemed 
 to impart rehef and comfort : ' I knew God would 
 not lay it up against me, but was afraid of the effect 
 upon those present.' He spoke of its bemg the Sab- 
 bath, listened with emotion and apparent pleasure 
 to the rmging of the church-bells, and remarked, 
 ' I shall enjoy the day, because it is the Sabbath.' 
 Through the day he lay far more quiet than on any 
 preceding day, entermg mto no conversation except 
 as necessity required. 
 
 " About half past five P. M. he suddenly raised 
 himself in bed and desired to walk across the floor, 
 but as suddenly lay back again, when it was evident 
 that death had fastened his icy hand upon liim, and 
 congealed the fountain of life ; the silver cord was 
 loosed, the golden bowl breakmg, the spirit fluttering 
 
158 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 on the confines of time, the threshold of eternity. 
 For two hours he remained insensible, at the close of 
 which he revived, and hke Bunyan's pilgrim, vidien 
 about half way through the Jordan of death, he stood 
 awhile and talked to his companions that had waited 
 upon him thither. Precious moments were they to 
 those gathered in that chamber of death, and the re- 
 membrance of them is sweet. After those hours of 
 converse he agam became insensible, and about half 
 past eleven his spirit returned to Him Avho gave it. 
 
 " Carrying out the great desire of his life — to 
 preach — he wished the words, 'Pr.Er^uiE to meet 
 THY God,' put upon his tombstone. 
 
 " Mr. Porter during his sickness gave directions 
 concerning the disposal of his effects, makmg provis- 
 ion for the payment of his debts by the sale of liis 
 hbrary, and designating a few volumes for friends." 
 
 The following account was furnished by a friend 
 of Mr. Porter, who visited him several times during 
 his sickness, and with whom he conversed more free- 
 ly than with any one else. She had, through his 
 course of study, been to him as a mother, and was 
 deeply interested in all liis pursuits and interests. 
 
 " In attempting to pen some of my recollections of 
 the sick and dying bed of our dear departed friend, I 
 f?ol hoAV utterly unable I am to convey to others tho 
 interest I have felt. One must have seen his ani- 
 
TPIE CLOSING SCENE. 159 
 
 mated countenance, irradiated with the sweet smile 
 of aflection, and heard his heavenly expressions of 
 jo}iful submission to the will of God, to have any 
 adequate impressions of the scene. To repeat now 
 his many words of comfort, peace, and joyful antici- 
 pation, seems almost a vain attempt. They came 
 from his lips with such an unction, that to be per- 
 mitted to breathe that atmosphere of hght and love, 
 seemed quite on the verge of heaven. 
 
 "As soon as I learned that he was in danger, I 
 hastened to him. On my approach to his bedside, 
 extending his hand, he said with a sweet smile, ' Ah, 
 how good you are to come to me again. Are you 
 able to sit by me to-day ? I have much to say to 
 you, as the Lord shall give me strength to say it.' 
 I expressed my regret to see him worse, and said I 
 thought that he was going to recover. ' I thought 
 so too,' said he, ' when you were here the other day; 
 but now I feel that God has other designs respecting 
 me, than permittmg me preach liis gospel on earth. 
 0, how I have longed to preach the glorious gospel, 
 and try to save souls from death. You know how I 
 have toiled, and labored, and prayed for it ; and nov/, 
 just as I was entering upon the work, my heavenly 
 Father is going to lay me aside.' I said, ' I cannot 
 think so ; I trust tliis sickness is not unto death.' ' It 
 may not be,' said he ; ' but my prevailing impression 
 is, that my work on earth is don^. And if it is so. 
 
100 CHARLES n. PORTER. 
 
 I can say with all my heart, " Thy will, God, be 
 done." I rejoice to be in the hands of him who is 
 infinite m wisdom, and who does all tilings well.' 
 
 " Seeing me much aflected, he said, ' Do not dis- 
 tress yourself, you will be sick. Are you not willing 
 that I should go home ? 0, the glories that await 
 me in my Father's house. I would not live alway 
 on earth ; would you ?' On my saying that I had 
 hoped to trace his course for many years m the min- 
 istry, he replied, ' If God has any thing more for me 
 to do on earth, be assured he will raise me up and 
 send me forth to do it. If he has not, I do not wish 
 to live. I have ever felt that I was utterly unwor- 
 thy to preach the glorious gospel. I know, I feel, 
 that God loves his cause infmitely more than I do, 
 and he knows what will best advance its interests. 
 And let us rejoice that all power is in his hands, and 
 that he will put m requisition the best means for 
 carrying on his purposes of love and mercy. He will 
 raise up some other instrument that will do more 
 than I should have done, and I do not wish to have 
 it otherwise. I desire to lie in the hands of my 
 heavenly Parent, like an infant m the hands of its 
 mother. I have no will of my own. Let thy viill, 
 God, be done, and I am more than satisfied, I re- 
 joice in it, "When I look back upon the way in 
 which I have been led, I am filled with wonder, love, 
 and praise. I have tried to acknowledge God m all 
 
THE CLOSING SCENE. IGl 
 
 my ways, and he has indeed directed me in a way 
 that I knew not. I came here a stranger, and knew 
 not how I was to he provided for. He has raised 
 me up friends and provided for all my wants. * Sure 
 iy there is no want to them that fear him.' 
 
 " I begged him to stop talking, and rest, as I feared 
 that he would exhaust himself With one of his 
 sweet smiles, he looked me in the face and said, ' Do 
 not say I must stop, for if you say so, I shall have to 
 obey. But I feel no mcluiation to sleep, and I wish 
 to say what I have to say, while I have strength : 
 soon it wiU be too late. And now, will you hear 
 what I wish to say about my worldly business ; and 
 
 will your dear husband and my dear Mr. L see 
 
 that my wishes are attended to ?' I assured him 
 that they should be cared for. 
 
 *' After giving his directions concerning them, he 
 said, ' Now sit close here, and let me tell you what I 
 want you to say to my dear, dear parents. 0, how 
 I do hope my life may hold out till they come. "Will 
 you pray, that if it is God's will, I may see them be- 
 fore I die. If I am gone before they get here, tell 
 them how I love them, and that all I am troubled 
 about on my death-bed respecting them is, that they 
 are not the friends of my Saviour. None but God 
 knows how I have desired their conversion. I feel 
 that I have done all that I could do, and now must 
 leave them with God. 0, tell them my dymg re- 
 Mem. P«rter, 1 1 
 
162 CHARLES H. TURTEK. 
 
 quest is, that they would prepare to meet me m heav- 
 en. Oh, I cannot bear to think of their being lost. 
 Could I feel that my father's family were the sincere 
 followers of Jesus, how happy should I be.' After 
 resting a few minutes, he said, ' Tell my dear mother 
 how I Avanted to see her. Tell her, that I beheve 
 God is gomg to take me to liimself, and make my death 
 the means of converting some or all of the dear family 
 at home. I have often thought it would be easy to 
 die, if it might lead them to repentance. I always 
 loved my kuidred, but never half so much as now.' 
 
 *' The next morning he told me that he had got 
 above that exceeding anxiety to see his parents. ' I 
 can now rejoice,' said he, ' to leave that and every 
 other care with my Saviour. If it is liis will, I shall 
 be glad to see them ; if not, I can rejoice in that too, 
 lor I know he careth lor me. All my cares I cast 
 on him. I lean on his arm, I recline on his bosom. 
 the inexpressible sweetness of Jesus' love. It !<; 
 true, it is more than true, that 
 
 " Jesus can make a dying bed 
 Peel soft as downy pillows arc." 
 
 They tell us of the dark valley, but there is no dark- 
 ness here. It is hght and glorious. It seems as if light 
 from the eternal throne streamed down and illumin- 
 ated the whole scene around me. Every body an(J 
 every thmg seems lovely. how I love you all I Did 
 any poor unworthy creature ever have such friends?' 
 
THE CLOSING SCENE. 163 
 
 " After a fainting- turn, wlien I applied some re- 
 storative, he said, ' I thought I was gone, but here I 
 am still with you. How is it you know what I 
 want without my having to tell you ? But thus it 
 has ever been that my Saviour has supphed all my 
 
 need. Give my best love to J . Tell her how 
 
 much I thank her for all she has done for me. Tell 
 her my Saviour will reward her, and though I do 
 not hve to do good, God will not let her lose her 
 reward for all she has done from love to iiis cause. 
 Tell her not to be discouraged nor tire in her labors 
 of love, for in due season she shall reap a rich har- 
 vest, if she famt not.' 
 
 " At this time the Rev. Mr. Ludlow came m. 'I 
 am glad to see you, brother Ludlow,' said he. ' I feel 
 as if I had got almost home.' Said Mr. Ludlow, ' I 
 cannot feel yet, as if you had done with earth. I think 
 God will raise you up, and permit you to do much 
 for him here before you will rest from your labors.' 
 
 * It is not impossible,' said he, * I know, but I do not 
 tliink it probable. One thing I know, it will be as 
 I wish it to be, just as my heavenly Father pleases.' 
 
 * Brother Porter,' said Mr. Ludlow, * it is sweet, is it 
 not, to lean on the Saviour and commune with him ?' 
 
 * Indeed, it is/ replied our friend, with a most de- 
 lightful expression of countenance ; ' and if such the 
 stream, what will the Fountain be, when I shall 
 gee him. a.s he is, face to face, and serve him v/ithout 
 
164 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 weariness and without sin ? when shall I awake 
 in his likeness, and be satisfied?' 
 
 " He inquired after two young friends, members of 
 college, who were absent from the city, and expressed 
 a strong desire to see them. ' Remember me most 
 affectionately to them. I have ever loved them 
 dearly. Tell them to live for God entirely, to give 
 themselves wholly to preparation for his service. I 
 hope they will do much to advance the cause of holi- 
 ness in the world. I do hope they will both preach 
 the glorious gospel. Tell them to be careful for 
 nothing in this world. If they will do the will of 
 God, he will take care of them. Let them never be 
 ashamed of Christ, but dare to be devoted, decided 
 Christians in college and eveiy where. I wish I had 
 been more faithful to them than I have been. I hope, 
 however, to meet them in heaven, where there is no 
 
 separation for ever. be faithful to your little E . 
 
 Tell her I want her to be a Christian. Train 'her 
 for God and for heaven. I hope she will be a mis- 
 sionary yet.' 
 
 " At another time he spoke of the many favors he 
 had received during his college course, and the many 
 friends who had been raised up for him. ' help 
 me,' he said, * to thank them, and help me to praise 
 God for them. "Surely goodness and mercy have 
 followed me all the days of my life." How wonder- 
 ful, that one so unworthy should have received such 
 
THE CLOSING SCENE. 165 
 
 signal mercies as I have.' To one who inquired if 
 his soul was in peace, he said, * Ah, yes, more than 
 that, '* I rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of 
 glory." I would not exchange situations with any 
 of you. 0, the condescension, the wonderful love of 
 Jesus. I want you to sing his praise. I have often 
 heard of Christians telling of the sweet comforts giv- 
 en them upon a dying bed ; but I never could have 
 believed them so sweet. I have enjoyed more while 
 on this bed, than in all my life before. I am full of 
 happiness to overflowing. I seem to have done with 
 prayer, and to have nothing to do but praise.' 
 
 " I could fill many sheets with his expressions of 
 love, joy, and praise. But they were thrown out in 
 connection with things too personal to repeat, with* 
 out "^olating the sacred confidence of private friend- 
 ship. It was altogether one of the most interesting 
 scenes I ever witnessed. In short, it was just such a 
 death as might have been expected after such a life. 
 
 " From the first of my acquaintance with him, I 
 was struck with his calm, simple, straightforward 
 course. It was ever onward and upward. He dared 
 to be a whole-hearted Christian. Whatever others 
 did, he determined to serve God with all his heart. 
 He came among us, pursued his studies ardently, en- 
 tered into our concerns, gained our love and confi- 
 dence, and showed us that it is possible to fulfil all 
 the duties of life with fidelity, and yet not to be oi 
 
166 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 the world while iii it. I think that all who knew 
 Charles H. Porter needed no argument to convince 
 them of the reality of rehgion. He was its ' living 
 epistle, kno^\T.i and read of all men.' " 
 
 The followmg ohituary notice, supposed to have 
 been Avritten by E,ev. Mr. Ludlow, supplies a few 
 additional particulars. 
 
 " Died at New Haven, on Sabbath evenmg, Sept. 
 20, 1841, Mr. Charles H. Porter, a student in the 
 Theological Seminary, and lately licensed to preach 
 the gospel. To those acquainted with Mr. Porter, it 
 will not be a matter of surprise that his dymg hour 
 was one of pecuUar triumph. His piety was of no 
 ordinary character. Tlirough his college course it 
 burned with unabated fervor, and amidst his studies 
 he was the consistent Christian. Veiy gi'eat success 
 ill winning souls to Christ followed liis labors, and 
 very many, doubtless, will meet hini at the judg- 
 ment-day, who shall 'be his joy and the crown of 
 his rejoicing.' 
 
 " The writer of tliis communication was permitted 
 to walk by his side through that part of ' the valley 
 of the shadow of death,' which lies upon the borders 
 of the King's country, the land of Beulah, which is 
 illuminated by the splendors of that city, of which 
 the ' Lamb is the hght.' 
 
 "'Brother Porter,' said I, 'do you think you are 
 
THE CLOSING SCENE. 167 
 
 dying ?' With much composure he repKed, * Judg- 
 ing from my feelings, I should' not think I was ; but 
 my judgment tells me I am.' ' Have you any pecu- 
 liar views?' said I. 'No, Christ has always been 
 sweet to me. You know I never had any confidence 
 in death-bed repentance and high flights, when the 
 hfe had been wicked ; but I cannot see why a per- 
 son who has embraced the doctrines of Christianity, 
 and tried humbly to live up to them, should not die 
 peacefully. I have often heard of sweet death-beds, 
 but I never knew it was so inexpressibly sweet. 
 it is sweet to live, and it is sweet to die.' He then 
 left messages for his brethren in the seminary, his 
 mother, and several others. His friends were con- 
 stantly administermg to him, hoping to resuscitate 
 his sinking frame. ' You are trying,' said he, ' to 
 add a few more minutes to my life, but I would 
 
 rather hear brother L ask me more questions 
 
 and draw me out.' He expressed great pleasure in 
 thus testifying for his Saviour. He then asked us to 
 sing ; and upon being requested to tell us what, said, 
 
 ' Jesus can make a dying bed 
 
 Feel soft as dowiiy pillows are.' 
 
 And with a clear voice united in singing the whole 
 stanza. Tliis is but part of the precious things he 
 said, his face all the time radiant with an unearthly 
 smile. All around liim felt as if they understood 
 what our Saviour meant, when he said, ' He that 
 
168 CHARLES H. PORTER. 
 
 liveth and believeth in me sliall never die.^ Not 
 one fear disturbed his last moments. "With triumph 
 he exclaimed, ' death, where is thy stmg ? grave, 
 where is thy victory ? The sting of death is sin, and 
 the strength of sm is the law ; but thanks be to God, 
 who giveth me the victory through my Lord Jesus 
 Christ.' His sun went down in a cloudless sky 
 
 ' Sweet is the scene where Christians die, 
 Where holy souls retire to rest ; 
 How mildly beams the closing eye, 
 How gently heaves th' expiring breast.' " 
 
 Since his death, a revival has taken place in Nor 
 wich ; two sisters of Mr. Porter are among the con- 
 verts, and many others attribute their conversion to 
 impressions originating with the news of his death. 
 Thus, in this providence, God has spoken eflectually 
 to the hearts of some who knew him, and who, with- 
 out it, might never have been brought to repentance. 
 
 His body slumbers in the cemetery at New Haven, 
 where a plain marble monument, erected by his fel- 
 low-students in theology, bears, at his request, the 
 inscription, " PfvEpare to meet thy God." And it 
 is hoped, that not only his gravestone will preach, 
 as he wished it might do, this solemn admonition, 
 but that liis memoir also will be influential in bring- 
 ing some of his former friends and acquaintance to 
 renew their friendship with him in the presence of 
 God in heaven. 
 
/' 
 
 pZti^^ 
 
 
Prmceion TneoiogiC.li Semtnary-Speff 
 
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