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 BV 4501.2 .B86 1844 
 Bunyan, John, 1628-1688. 
 Grace abounding to the chie 
 of sinners in a faithful 
 

GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 CHIEF OF SINNERS, 
 
 IN A FAITHFUL ACCOUNT 
 
 LIFE AND DEATH OF JOHN BUNYAN 
 
 WITH ADDITIONS, 
 
 FROM THE LONDON EDITION. 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 M. W. D ODD, 
 
 BKICK CHURCH CHAPEL, OPPOSITE THE CITY HALL. 
 
 1844. 
 
PREFACE., 
 
 Or, brief account of the publishing this work. WrilUn by the 
 author thereof, ami dedicated to those whimi God hath caunled 
 himvorthy to beget to Faith, by his ministry in the word. 
 
 CHILDREN, grace bo with you. Amen. 1 
 he'mcr taken from you in presence, and so tied up 
 that 1 cannot perform that duty, that from God doth 
 lie upon me to you-ward, for your farther edifying 
 any building up in faith and holiness, &c ; yet, that 
 you may see my soul hath fatherly care and desire 
 after your spiritual and everlasting welfare, I now 
 once again, as before, ' from the top of Shenir and 
 Hermon, so now from the lion's den, and from the 
 mountain of the leopards,'* do look yet after you all, 
 greatly longing to see your safe arrival into the 
 desired haven. 
 
 I thank God upon every remembrance of you ; 
 and rejoice, even while I stick between the teeth of 
 the lions in the wilderness, that the grace, and mer- 
 cy, and knowledge of Christ our Saviour, which 
 God hath bestowed upon you with abundance of 
 faith and love ; your hungerings and thirstings after 
 farther acquaintance with the Father, in the Son ; 
 your tenderness of heart,^your trembling at sin, your 
 * Song, iv, 8. 
 
iv PREFACE. 
 
 sober and holy deportment also, before both God 
 and men, is a great refreshment to me ; ' for you are 
 my glory and joy.'* 
 
 I have sent you here enclosed a drop of that honey 
 that I have taken out of the carcass of a lion.f 1 
 have eaten thereof myself, and am much refreshed 
 thereby. (Temptations, when we meet them at first, 
 are as the lion that roared upon Samson ; but if we 
 overcome them, the next time we see them we shall 
 find a nest of honey within them.) The Phihstines 
 understood me not. It is something, a relation of 
 the work of God upon my soul, even from the very 
 first, till now, wherein you may perceive my cast- 
 ings down and risings up ; for he woundeth, and 
 his hands make whole. It is written in the scrip- 
 ture, ' The father to the children shall make known 
 the truth of God.' J Yea, it was for this reason I lay 
 so long at Sinai, to see the fire, and the cloud, and 
 the darkness, that I might fear the Lord all the days 
 of my life upon earth, and tell of his wondrous works 
 to my children.^. 
 
 Moses writ of the journeyings of the children of 
 Israel, from Egypt to the land of Canaan ;|| and 
 commanded also that they did remember their forty 
 years' travel in the wilderness : — ' Thou shalt remem- 
 ber all the ways which the Lord thy God led thee 
 these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, 
 and to prove thee, and to know what was in thine 
 heart; whether thou wouldst keep his command- 
 ments or no.'l" Wherefore this I have endeavoured 
 to do, and not only so, but to publish it also, that, if 
 God will, others may be put in remembrance of 
 
 * 1 Thcss. ii. 20. t Judges xiv. 8. 
 
 i Isaiah xxxviii. 19. § Lev. iv. 10; Psalm Ixxviii. 4. 
 
 II Nunib. xxxiii. 1. ^ Deut. viii. 3. 
 
PREFACE. V 
 
 what he hath done for their souls, by reading his 
 work upon me. 
 
 It is profitable for Christians to be often calling to 
 mind the very beginnings of grace with their souls. 
 ' It is a night to be much observed to the Lord for 
 bringing them out of the land of Egypt. This is 
 that night of the Lord to be observed of all the chil- 
 dren of Israel, in their generation.'* 'My God 
 (saith David), t my soul is cast down within me; 
 but I will remember thee from the land of Jordan, and 
 of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar. He remem- 
 bered also the lion and the bear, when he went to 
 fight with the giant of Gath !| 
 
 It was Paul's accustomed manner. Acts xxii. and 
 that, wdien tried for his life, Acts xxiv. even to open be- 
 fore his judges the manner of his conversion:^ he 
 would think of that day and that hour in which he first 
 did meet with grace, for he found it supported him. 
 When God had brought the children of Israel out 
 of the Red Sea, far into the wilderness, yet they 
 must turn quite about thither again, to remember 
 the drowning of their enemies there :|| for though 
 they sang his praise before, yet they soon forgot his 
 works.1I 
 
 In this discourse of mine you may see much ; 
 much, I say, of the grace of God towards me. I 
 thank God 1 can count it much ; for it was above 
 my sins and Satan's temptations too. I can remem- 
 ber my fears and doubts, and .sad months, with com- 
 fort: they are as the head of Goliath in my hand : 
 there was nothing to David like Goliath's sword, 
 even that sword that should have been sheathed in 
 
 * Exod. xii. 42. t Psalm xlii. 6. 
 
 J 1 Sam, xvii. 3G. § Acts xxii. 6; xxiv. 10. 
 
 11 Numb. xiv. 25. IT Psalm, cvi. 13, 
 
 1* 
 
vi PREFACE. 
 
 his bowels ; for the very sight and remembrance of 
 that did preach forth God's deliverance to him. Oh ! 
 the remembrance of my great sins, of my great 
 temptations, and of my great fear of perishing of 
 ever ! they bring afresh into my mind the remem 
 brance of my great help, my great supports from 
 Heaven, and the great grace that God extended to 
 such a wretch as I. 
 
 My dear children, call to mind the former days, 
 and years of ancient times ; remember also your 
 songs in the night, and commune with your own 
 hearts.* Yea, look diligently, and leave no corner 
 therein unsearched, for that treasure hid, even the 
 treasure of your first and second experience of the 
 grace of God towards you : remember, I say, the 
 word that first laid hold upon you: remember your 
 terrors of conscience, and fear of death and hell ; 
 remember also your tears and prayers to God : yea, 
 how you sighed under every hedge of mercy. Have 
 you never a hill Mizar to remember ? Have you 
 forgot the close, the milk-house, ^he stable, the barn, 
 and the like, where God did visit your souls ? Re- 
 member also the word ; the word, I say upon 
 which the Lord hath caused you to hope. If you 
 have sinned against light, if you are tempted to blas- 
 pheme, if you are drowned in despair, if you think 
 God fights against you, or if Heaven is hid from 
 your eyes, remember it was thus with your father ; 
 but out of them all the Lord delivered me. 
 
 I could have enlarged much in this my di.'icourse, 
 of my temptations and troubles for sin ; as also of 
 the merciful kindness and working of God with my 
 soul. I could also have stepped into a style much 
 higher than this in which I have here discoursed ; 
 
 * P.sahn Ixxvii. 5, 6. 
 
PREFACE. vii 
 
 and could have adorned all things more than here I 
 have seemed to do, but T dare not. God did not 
 play in tempting of me, neither did I play when I 
 -sunk as into a bottomless pit, when the pangs of 
 iiell caught hold upon me ; wdierefore I may not 
 play in relating of them, but be plain and simple, 
 and lay down the thing as it was. He that liketh 
 it, let him receive it ; and he that doth not, let him 
 produce a better. — Farewell. 
 
 My dear children, 
 The milk and honey is beyond this wilderness. 
 God be merciful to you, and grant that you be not 
 slothful to go in to possess the land ! 
 
 JOHN BUNYAN. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 TO THE 
 
 CHIEF OF SINNERS ; 
 
 OR, ' 
 
 A BRIEF RELATION OF THE EXCEEDING MERCY OF GOD IN 
 CHRIST, TO His POOR SERVANT 
 
 JOHN BUNYAN. 
 
 In this my relation of the merciful working 
 of God upon my soul, it will not be amiss if, in 
 the first place, I do in a few words give you a 
 hint of my pedigree and manner of bringing 
 up : that thereby the goodness and bounty of 
 God towards me may be the more advanced 
 and magnified before the sons of men. 
 
 2. For my descent, then, it was, as is well 
 known by many, of a low and inconsiderable 
 generation ; my father's house being of that 
 rank tliat is meanest and most despised of all 
 the famihes in the land. Wherefore, I ]iave not 
 here (as others) to boast of noble blood, or of 
 any high-born state, according to the flesh, 
 though, all things considered, I magnify the 
 Heavenly Maje-ty, for that by this door he 
 brought me into the world, to partake of the 
 grace and hfe that is in Christ by the gospel. 
 
10 BUNYAN'S 
 
 3. But 3'et, notwithstanding the nieajiness 
 and inconsiderableness of my parents, it pleased 
 God to put it into tlieir lieaits to put me to 
 school, to learn me both to read and write ; the 
 which I also attained according to the rate of 
 other poor men's children : though to my sliame 
 I confess I did soon lose that little I learnt, even 
 almost utterly, and that long before the Lord 
 did work his gracious work of conversion upon 
 my soul. 
 
 4. As for my own natural life, for the time 
 that I was without God in the world, it was in- 
 deed "according to the course of this world and 
 the spirit that now worketh in the children of 
 disobedience."* It was my delight to be "taken 
 captive by the devil at his will,"t being filled 
 with all unrighteousness ; the which did also so 
 strongly work, and put forth itself, both in my 
 heart and life, and that from a child, that I had 
 but few equals (especially considering my years, 
 which w^ere tender, being few^) both for cursing, 
 swearing, lying, and blaspheming the holy 
 name of God. 
 
 5. Yea, so settled and rooted Ava? I in these 
 things, that they became as a second nature to 
 me ; the which, as I have also with soberness 
 considered since, did so offend the Lord, that 
 even in my childhood he did scare and affrighten 
 me with fearful dreams, and did terrify me with 
 fearful visions ; for often, after I had spent 
 this and the other day in sin, I have in my bed 
 been greatly afflicted, while asleep, with the 
 
 * Eph. ii. 2, 3. t 2 Tim. ii. 26. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 11 
 
 apprehensions of devils and wicked spirits ; 
 who still, as I then thought, laboured to draw 
 me away with them, of which I never could 
 be rid. 
 
 6. Also I should, at these years, be greatly 
 afflicted and troubled with the thoughts of the 
 fearful torments of hell-fire, still fearing that it 
 would be my lot to be found at last among those 
 devils and hellish fiends, who are there bound 
 down with the chains and bonds of darkness, 
 into the judgment of the great day. 
 
 7. These things (I say), when I was but a 
 child, but nine or ten years old, did so distress 
 my soul, that then, in the midst of my many 
 sports and childish vanities, amidst my vain 
 companions, I was often much cast down and 
 afflicted in my mind therewith ; yet could I not 
 let go my sins ; yea, I was also then so over- 
 come with despair of hfe and heaven, that I 
 should often wish, either that there had been no 
 hell, or that 1 had been a devil ; supposing they 
 were only tormentors ; that, if it must needs be 
 that I went thither, I might be rather a tor- 
 mentor, than be tormented myself! 
 
 8. A while after those terrible dreams did 
 leave me, which also I soon forgot ; for my 
 pleasures did quickly cut oflf the remembrance 
 of them, as if they had never been. Where- 
 fore with more greediness, according to the 
 strength of nature, I did still let loose the reins 
 of my lust, and dehghted in all transgressions 
 against the law of God ; so that until I came to 
 the state of marriage, I was the very ring- 
 
12 BUNYAN'S 
 
 leader of all the youth that kept me company; 
 in all manner of vice and ungodliness. ^ 
 
 9. Yea, such prevalency had the lusts and 
 fruits of the flesh on this poor soul of mine, tliat 
 had not a miracle of precious grace prevented, 
 I had not only perished by the stroke of Eternal 
 Justice, but had also laid myself open, even to 
 the stroke of those laws which bring some to 
 disgrace and open shame before the face of the 
 world. 
 
 10. In these days the thoughts of religion 
 were very grievous to me ; I could neither en- 
 dure it myself, nor that any other should ; so 
 that, when I have seen some read in those books 
 that concerned christian piety, it would be as it 
 were a prison to me. Then I said unto God, 
 " Depart from me, for I desire not the knowledge 
 of thy ways !"* I was now void of all good 
 consideration ; heaven and hell were both out 
 of sight and mind ; and as for saving and 
 damning, they were least in my thoughts. "O 
 Lord, thou knowest my life : and my ways 
 were not hid from thee.'' 
 
 11. But this 1 well remember , that though I 
 could myself sin with the greatest delight and 
 ease, and also take pleasure in the vileness of 
 my companions ; yet, even then, if I had at any 
 time seen wicked things, by those who pro- 
 fessed goodness, it would make my spirit tremble, 
 As once, above all the rest, when I was in the 
 height of vanity, yet hearing one to swear, that 
 was reckoned for a religious man, it had so 
 
 * Job xxi. 14. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 13 
 
 great a stroke upon my spirit, that it made my 
 
 lieart ache. , 
 
 12 But God did not utterly leave me, but 
 followed me still, not with convictions, but judg- 
 ments : yet such as were mixed with mercy 
 For, once I fell into a creek of the sea, and 
 hardly escaped drowning :— another time, 1 tell 
 out of a boat into Bedford-river, but Mercy yet 
 preserved me ahve -.—besides, another time, 
 beino- in the field with one of my companions, 
 it chanced that an adder passed over the high- 
 way ; so I. having a stick in my hand struck 
 her over tire back, and having stunned her, I 
 forced open her mouth with my stick, and 
 plucked her sting out with my fingers ; by 
 which act, had not God been merciful unto me, 
 I might by my desperateness have brought my- 
 self to my end. ■ r ;u 
 13 This also I have taken notice ot w^ith 
 thanksgiving -.—when I was a soldier, I with 
 others, was drawn out to go to such a place to 
 besiege it ; but when I was just ready to go, 
 one of the companv desired to go in my room, 
 to which when I had consented, he took my 
 place, and coming to the siege, as he stood sen- 
 tinel, he was shot in the head with a musket 
 bullet, and died. . j 
 
 14. Here, as 1 said, were judgments and 
 mercy ; but neither of them did awaken my 
 soul to righteousness ; wherefore I sinned still, 
 and e-rew more and more rebellious against 
 God. and careless of my own salvation. 
 
 15. Presently after this, I changed my con- 
 
14 BUNYAN'S 
 
 dition into a married state, and my mercy was. 
 to light upon a wife, whose father was counted 
 g-odly. This woman and I, though we came 
 together as poor as poor might be, (not having 
 so much household stuff as a dish or spoon be- 
 twixt us both,) yet this she had for her part, 
 " The plain Man's Path-way to Heaven ; The 
 Practice of Piety," which her father had left 
 her when he died. In these two books I would 
 sometimes read with her, wherehi I also found 
 some things that were somewhat pleasing to 
 me, but all this while I met with no conviction. 
 She also would be often telling of me what a 
 godly man her father was, and how he would 
 reprove and correct vice, both in his house and 
 among his neighbours ; what a strict and holy 
 life he livedjn his days, both in words and deeds. 
 16. Wherefore these books, with the relation, 
 though they did not reach my heart, to awaken 
 it about my sad and sinful state, yet they did 
 beget within me some desires to reform my 
 vicious hfe, and fall in very eagerly with the 
 religion of the times ; to wit, to go to church 
 twice a day, and that too with the foremost ; 
 and there should, very devoutly, both say, and 
 sing as others did, yet retaining my wicked 
 life : but withal, I was so overrun with the 
 spirit of superstition, that I adored and that 
 with great devotion, even all things (both the 
 high-place, priest, clerk, vestment, service, and 
 what else) belonging to the church ; counting 
 all things holy that were therein contained, and 
 especially the priest and clerk most happy, and 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 15 
 
 without doubt, greatly blessed because they 
 were the servants, as I then thought, of God, 
 and were principal in the holy temple, to do his 
 work therein. . 
 
 17 This conceit grew so strong in a Uttie 
 time upon my spirit, that had 1 but seen a 
 priest (thouo-h never so sordid and debauched in 
 his hfe,) I should find my spirit fall under him, 
 reverence him, and knit unto him; yea, 1 
 thought, for the love I did bear ^^nto them 
 supposing they were the ministers of God) 1 
 could have laid down at their feet, and have 
 been trampled upon by them: their name, 
 their garb, and work, did so intoxicate and 
 bewitch me. . 
 
 18 After I had been thus for some consider- 
 able time, another thought came in my mind 
 and that was, Whether we were of the Israelites 
 or no ? For, finding in the Scripture that^they 
 were once the peculiar people of God ; thought 
 I if I were one of this race, my soul must 
 needs be happy. Now again, I found within 
 me a great longing to be resolved about this 
 question : but could not tell how I should. At 
 last I asked my father of it, who told me, no, 
 we were not. Wherefore then I fell in my 
 spirit, as to the hopes of that, and so remained. 
 19. But all this while I was not sensible ot 
 the danger and evil of sin ; I was kept from 
 considermg that sin would damn me, what re- 
 hcrion soever I followed, unless I was found in 
 Christ: nay, I never thought of hm^, ^^o^ 
 whether there was such a one, or no. 1 bus 
 
16 BUNYAN'S 
 
 man, while blind, doth wander, but wearieth 
 himself with vanity, for he knoweth not the 
 " way to the city of God."* 
 
 20. But one day, amongst all the sermons 
 our parson made, his subject was, to treat of the 
 sabbath-day, and of the evil of breaking that, 
 either with labour, sports, or otherwise : (now I 
 was, notwithstanding my religion, one that took 
 much delight in all manner of vice, and espe- 
 cially that was the day that I did solace myself 
 therewith :) wherefore I fell in my conscience 
 under this sermon, thinking and believing that 
 he made that sermon on purpose to show me 
 my evil doing. And at that time I felt what 
 guilt was, though never before, that I can re- 
 member ; but then I was, for the present, greatly 
 loaded therewith, and so went home when the 
 sermon was ended, with a great burthen upon 
 m)^ ^irit. 
 
 21. This, for an instant, did benumb the 
 sinews of my best dehghts, and did embitter 
 my former pleasures to me ; but hold, it lasted 
 not, for, before I had well dined, the trouble 
 began to go off my mind, and my heart returned 
 to its old course. But oh ! how glad was I, 
 that this trouble was gone from me, and that 
 the fire was put out, that I might sin again 
 without control ! Wherefore when I had satis- 
 fied nature with my food, I shook the sermon 
 out of my mind : and to my old custom of 
 sports and gaming I returned with great delight. 
 
 22. But the same day, as I was in the midst 
 
 * Eccles. X. 15. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 17 
 
 of a game of cat, and having struck it one 
 blow from the hole, just as I was about to strike 
 it the second time,' a voice did suddenly dart 
 from heaven into my soul, which said, '■ W ilt 
 thou leave thy sins and go to heaven, or have 
 thy sins and go to hell?" At this I was put to \ 
 an exceeding maze ; wherefore leaving my cat \ 
 upon the ground, I looked up to heaven, and ^ 
 was as if I had, with the eyes of my under- ] 
 standing, seen the Lord Jesus looking down 
 upon me as being very hotly displeased with 
 me, and as if he did severely threaten me with 
 some grievous punishment for these and other 
 ungodly practices. 
 
 23. I had no sooner thus conceived in my 
 mind, but sudden^ this conclusion was fastened 
 upon my spirit, (for" the former hint did set my 
 sins again before my face,) that I had been a 
 great and grievous sinner, and that it was now 
 too late for me to look after heaven ; for Christ 
 would not forgive me, nor pardon my trans- 
 gressions. Then I fell to musing on tliis also, 
 and while I was thinking of it, and fearing lest 
 it should be so, I felt my heart sink in despair, 
 concluding it was too late, and therefore I re- 
 solved in my mind to go on in sin: "For 
 (thought I) if the case be thus, my state is 
 surely miserable ; miserable if I leave my sms, 
 and but miserable if 1 follow them ; I can but be 
 damned, and if I must be so, I had as good be 
 damned for many sins, as be damned for few." 
 . 24. Thus I stood in the midst of my play, 
 before all that then were present, but yet I told 
 
18 BUNYAN'S 
 
 them nothing: but, I say, having made this 
 conclusion, I returned desperately to my sport 
 again ; and I well remember, that presently this 
 kind of despair did so possess my soul, that I 
 was persuaded I could never attain to other 
 comfort than what I should get in sin, for 
 heaven was gone already, so that on that I must 
 not think ; wherefore I found within me great 
 desire to take my fill of sin, still studying what 
 sin was yet to be committed, that I might taste 
 the sAveetness of it ; and I made as much haste 
 as I could to fill my belly with its delicacies, 
 lest I should die before I had my desires, for 
 that I feared greatly. In these things, I protest 
 before God, I lie not, neither do I frame this sort 
 of speech ; these were really, strongly, and with 
 all my heart, m.y desires : the good Lord, whose 
 mercy is unsearchable, forgive my transgressions ! 
 
 25. And I am very confident, that this temp- 
 tation of the devil is more usual among poor 
 creatures than many are aware of, even to 
 overrun the spirits with a scurvy and seared 
 frame of heart, and benumbing of conscience ; 
 which frame he stilly and slily supplieth with 
 such despair, that though not much guilt at- 
 tendeth souls, yet they continually have a secret 
 conclusion within them, that there is no hope 
 for them ; for they have loved sins, therefore 
 after them they will go ; Jer. ii. 25, and xviii. 12. 
 
 26. Now therefore I went on in sin with 
 great greediness of mind, still grudging that I 
 could iK>t be satisfied with it asl would. This 
 did continue vrith me about a month or more : 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 19 
 
 but one day, as I was standing at a neighbour's 
 shop window, and there cursing and swearing 
 and playing the madman, after my wonted 
 manner, there sat within the woman of the 
 house, and heard me ; who, though she was a 
 very loose and ungodly wretch, yet protested 
 that I cursed and swore at that most fearful 
 rate, that she was made to tremble to hear me, 
 and told me further, that I was the ungodliest 
 fellow for swearing that she ever heard in all 
 her life, and that I, by thus doing, was able to 
 spoil all the youth in the whole town, if they 
 came but in my company. 
 
 27. At this reproof I was silenced, and put to 
 secret shame, and that too, as I thought, before 
 the God of heaven : wherefore, while I stood 
 there, and hanging down my head, I wished 
 with all my heart that I might be a little child 
 again, that my father might learn me to speak 
 without this wicked way of swearing ; '' for 
 (thought I) I am so accustomed to it, that it is 
 in vain for me to think of a reformation ;" for 
 I thought that could never be. 
 
 28. But how it came to pass, I know not ; I 
 did, from this time forward, so leave my swear- 
 ing, that it was a great wonder to myself to ob- 
 serve it ; and whereas, before, I knew not how 
 to speak unless I put an oath before and another 
 behind, to make my words have authority; 
 now I could, without it, speak better and with 
 more pleasantness than ever I could before. 
 All this while I knew not Jesus Christ, neither 
 did leave my sports and plays. 
 
20 BUNYAN'S 
 
 29. But quickly after this, I fell into company 
 with one poor man that made profession of re- 
 ligion, who, as I then thought, did talk plea- 
 santly of the Scriptures, and of the matter of 
 religion : wherefore falling into some love and 
 liking to what he said, I betook me to my Bible, 
 and began to take great pleasure in reading, 
 but especially with the historical part thereof; 
 for as for Paul's epistles, and such like scrip- 
 tures, I could not away with them, being as yet 
 ignorant either of the corruption of my nature, 
 or of the want and worth of Jesus Christ to 
 save us. 
 
 30. Wherefore I fell to some outward reforma- 
 tion both in my words and hfe, and did set the 
 Commandments before me for my way to hea- 
 ven, which commandments I also did strive to 
 keep, and, as I thought, did keep them pretty 
 well sometimes, and then I should have com- 
 fort ; yet now and then should break one, and 
 so afflict my conscience : but then I should re- 
 pent, and say, I was sorry for it, and promise 
 God to do better next time, and there got help 
 again, for then I thought I pleased God as w^ell 
 as any man in England. 
 
 31. Thus I continued about a year : all which 
 time our neighbours did take me to be a very 
 godly man, a new and religious man, and did 
 marvel much to see such great and famous 
 alteration in my life and manners ; and indeed, 
 so it was. though I knew^ not Christ, nor grace, 
 nor faith, nor hope ; for, as I have well since 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 21 
 
 seen, had I then died, my state had been most 
 fearful. 
 
 32. Bat, I say, my neighbours were amazed 
 at this my great conversion, from prodigious pro- 
 faneness, to something hke a moral hfe ; and 
 truly, so they well might, for this, my con- 
 version, was as great, as for Tom of Bedlam to 
 become a sober man. Now therefore they be- 
 gan to praise, to commend, and to speak well 
 of me, both to my face and behind my back. 
 Now I was, as they said, become godly ; now 
 I was become a right honest man. But oh ! 
 when I understood those were their words and 
 opinions of me, it pleased me mighty well. For 
 though as yet I was nothing but a poor painted 
 hypocrite, yet I loved to be talked of as one that 
 was truly godly. I was proud of my godliness, 
 and indeed, I did all I did, either to be seen of, 
 or to be well spoken of by men ; and thus I 
 continued for alDOut a twelvemonth, or more. 
 
 33. Now you must know, that before this, I 
 had taken much delight in ringing ; but my 
 conscience beginning to be tender, I thought 
 such practice was but vain, and therefore forced 
 myself to leave it : yet my mind hankered, 
 wherefore I would go to the steeple-house and 
 look on, though I durst not ring ; buf, I thought 
 this did not become religion neither, yet I forced 
 myself, and would look on still : but quickly 
 after. I began to think, how if one of the bell? 
 should fall ? Then I chose to stand under a 
 main beam that lay overthwart the steeple, 
 from side to side, thinking here I might stand 
 
22 BUNYAN'S 
 
 sure : but then I thought again, should the bell 
 fall with a swing, it might first hit the w^all, 
 and then rebounding upon me, might kill me 
 for all this beam. This made me stand in the 
 steeple-door ; — and now, thought I, I am safe 
 enough, for if a bell should then fall, I can slip 
 out behind these thick walls, and so be pre- 
 served notwithstanding. 
 
 34. So after this I w^ould yet go to see them 
 ring, but would not go any farther than the 
 steeple-door : but then it came into my head, 
 how if the steeple itself should fall ? And this 
 thought (it may for aught I know when I stood 
 and looked on) did continually so shake my 
 mind, that I durst not stand at the steeple-door 
 any longer, but was forced to flee, for fear the 
 steeple should fall upon my head. 
 
 35. Another thing was my dancing : I w-as 
 a full year before I could quite leave that : but 
 all this while, when I thought I kept this or 
 that commandment, or did, by w^ord or deed, 
 any thing that I thought was good, I had great 
 peace in my conscience : and Avould think with 
 myself, God cannot choose but be now pleased 
 with me ; yea, to relate it in mine own way, I 
 thought no man in England could please God 
 better than I. 
 
 36. But poor w^retch as I was ! I w^as all this 
 while ignorant of Jesus Christ, and going about 
 to establish my own righteousness ; and had 
 perished therein, had not God, in mercy, showed 
 me more of my state by nature. 
 
 37. But upon a day the good Providence of 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 23^ 
 
 God called me to Bedford to work on my call- 
 ins: ; and in one of the streets of that town. I 
 came where there were tliree or four poor wo- 
 men sitting at a door, in the siin, talking: about 
 tlie thinf^s of God ; and being now willing to 
 hear their discourse, I drew near to hear what 
 they said, for I was now a brisk talker of my- 
 self in the matters of religion ; but I may say, 
 •' I heard, but understood not ;" for they were 
 far above out of my reach. Their talk was 
 about a new birth ; the work of God in their 
 hearts ; as also how they were convinced of 
 their miserable state by nature ; they talked 
 how God had visited their souls with his love 
 in the Lord Jesus, and with what words and 
 promises they had been refreshed, comforted, 
 and supported against the temptations of the 
 devil ; moreover, they reasoned of the sugges- 
 tions and temptations of Satan in particular, 
 and told to each other by what means they had 
 been afflicted, and how they w^ere borne up 
 under his assaults. They also discoursed of 
 their own wretchedness of heart and of their 
 unbelief, and did contemn, slight, and abhor 
 their own righteousness as filthy, and insuf- 
 ficient to do them any good. 
 
 38. And methought they spake as if joy did 
 make them speak ; they spake with such plea- 
 santness of scripture language, and with such 
 appearance of grace in all they said, that they 
 were to me as if they had found a new world, 
 as if they were "people that dwelt alone, and 
 
24 BUNRAN'S 
 
 were not to be reckoned among their neigh- 
 bours.* 
 
 39. At this I feh my own heart began to 
 shake, and mistrust my condition to be naught ; 
 for I saw that in all my thoughts about rehgion 
 and salvation, the new birth did never enter 
 into my mind ; neither knew I the comfort of 
 the word and promise, nor the deceitfulness and 
 treachery of my own wicked heart. As for 
 secret thoughts, I took no notice of them ; nei- 
 ther did I understand what Satan's temptations 
 were, nor how they were to be withstood, and 
 resisted, and so forth. 
 
 40. Thus, therefore, when I had heard and 
 considered vv hat they said, I left them, and went 
 about my employment again ; but their talk 
 and discourse went with me ; also my heart 
 would tarry with them, for I was greatly af- 
 fected with their words, both because by them 
 I was convinced that I wanted the true tokens 
 of a truly godly man, and also because by them 
 I was convinced of the happy and blessed con- 
 dition of him that was such a one. 
 
 41. Therefore I would often make it my 
 business to be going again and again into the 
 company of these poor people, for I could not 
 stay away, and the more I went among them, 
 the more I did question my condition ; and, as 
 I still do remember, presently I found two things 
 within me. at which I did sometimes marvel 
 (especially considering what a blind, ignorant, 
 sordid and ungodly wretch but just before I 
 
 * Numb, xxiii. 9. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 25 
 
 was.) The one was a very great softness and 
 tenderness of heart, wliich caused me to fall 
 under the conviction of what by Scripture they 
 asserted ; and the other was a great bending hi 
 my mind, to a continual meditating on it, and 
 on all other good things, which at any time I 
 heard or read of. 
 
 42. B}^ these things my mind was now so 
 turned that it lay like a horse-leech at the vein, 
 still crying out, " Give, give,"* which was so 
 fixed on eternity and on the things about the 
 kingdom of heaven (that is, so far as I knew, 
 though as yet, God knows, I knew but httle,) 
 that neither pleasures, nor profits, nor persua- 
 sions, nor threats could loose it, or make it let 
 go its hold ; and though I may speak it with 
 shame, yet it is in very deed a certain truth, it 
 would then have been as diflScult for me to have 
 taken my mind from heaven to earth, as I have 
 found it often since, to get it again from earth 
 to heaven. 
 
 43. One thing I may not omit. There was 
 a )^oung man in our town to whom my heart 
 before was knit more than to any other ; but he 
 being a most wicked creature for cursing, and 
 swearing, and whoring, 1 now shook him oflf, 
 and forsook his company ; but about a quarter 
 of a year after I had left him, I met him in a 
 certain lane, and asked him how he did. He, 
 after his old swearing and mad way, answered, 
 he was well. " But, Harry," said I, '• why do 
 you curse and swear thus ? What will become 
 
 * Prov. XXX. 15. 
 
 3 
 
26 BUNYAN'S 
 
 of you if you die in this condition ?" He an- 
 swered me in' a great chafe, " What would the 
 devil do for company, if it were not for such as 
 I am ?" 
 
 44. About this time I met with some Ranters' 
 books that were put forth by some of our coun- 
 trymen, which books were also highly in esteem 
 by several old professors ; some of these I read, 
 but was not able to make any judgment about 
 them ; wherefore as I read in them, and thought 
 upon them, seeing myself unable to judge, I 
 would betake myself to hearty prayer in this 
 manner : — " O Lord, I am a fool, and not able 
 to know the truth from error ; Lord, leave me 
 not to my own bhndness, either to approve of 
 or condemn this doctrine ; if it be of God, let 
 me not despise it ; if it be of the devil, let me 
 not embrace it. Lord, I lay my soul in this 
 matter only at thy foot ; let me not be deceived, 
 I humbly beseech thee." I had one religious 
 intimate companion all this while, and that was 
 the poor man I spoke of before ; but about this 
 time he also turned a most devilish Ranter, and 
 gave himself up to all manner of filthiness, 
 especially un cleanness ; he w^ould also deny 
 that there was a God, angel, or spirit, and would 
 laugh at all exhortations to sobriety. When I 
 laboured to rebuke his wickedness, he would 
 laugh the more, and pretend that he had gone 
 through all rehgions, and could never hit upon 
 the right till now. He told me also, that in a 
 little time I should see all professors turn to the 
 ways of the Ranters. Wherefore abominating 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 27 
 
 those cursed principles, I left his company forth- 
 with, and became to him as great a strangd" as 
 I had been before a familiar. 
 
 45. Neither was this man only a temptation 
 to me, but, my calUng lying in the country, I 
 happened to come into several people's com- 
 pany, who though strict in religion formerly, 
 were also drawn away by these ranters. These 
 w^ould also talk with me of their ways, and con- 
 demn me as illegal and dark ; pretending that 
 they only had attained to perfection, that could 
 do what they would and not sin. Oh ! these 
 temptations were suitable to my flesh, I being 
 but a young man, and my nature in its prime ; 
 but God who had, as I hoped, designed me for 
 better tilings, kept me in the fear of his Name, 
 and did not suffer me to accept such cursed 
 principles. And blessed be God, who put it into 
 my heart to cry to him to be kept and directed, 
 still distrusting mine own wisdom ! for I have 
 since seen even the effects of that prayer in his 
 preserving me not only from ranting errors, but 
 from those also that have sprung up since. The 
 Bible was precious to me in those days. 
 
 46. And now methought I began to look into 
 the Bible with new eyes, and read as I never 
 did before ; and especially the epistles of the 
 Apostle St. Paul were sweet and pleasant to 
 me : and indeed then I was never out of the 
 Bible, either by reading or meditation, still cry- 
 ing out to God that I might know the truth and 
 the way to heaven and glory. 
 
 47. And as I went on and read, I hit upon 
 
28 BUNYAN'S 
 
 that passage, '• To one is given by the Spirit, 
 the word of wisdom ; to another, the word of 
 knowledge by the same Spirit ; and to another, 
 faith ;'■* and so forth. And though, as I have 
 since seen, that by this scripture tlie Holy Ghost 
 intends, in special, things extraordinary ; yet 
 on me it did then fasten with conviction, that I 
 did want things ordinary, even that understand- 
 ing and wisdom that other Christians had. On 
 this word I mused, and could not tell what to 
 do ; especially this word faith put me to it, for 
 I could not help it, but sometimes must question 
 whether I had any faith or no ; but I was loath 
 to conclude I had no faith, " For if I do so," 
 thought 1, " then I shall count myself a very 
 castaway indeed." 
 
 48. '' No," said I with myself, " though I am 
 convinced that I am an ignorant sot, and that 
 I want those blessed gifts of knowledge and 
 understanding that other people have, yet at a 
 venture I will conclude I am not altogether 
 faithless, though I know not what faith is ; for 
 it was shown me, and that too (as I have seen 
 since) by Satan, that those who conclude them- 
 selves in a faithless state, have neither rest nor 
 quiet in their souls, and I was loath to fall quite 
 into despair." 
 
 49. Wherefore by this suggestion I was for 
 a while made afraid to see my want of faith ; 
 but God would not suffer me thus to undo and 
 destroy my soul ; but did continually, against 
 this my sad and Wind conclusion, create still 
 
 * 1 Cor. xii. 8, y. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 29 
 
 within me such suppositions, insomuch that I 
 could not rest content until I did now come to 
 some certain knowledge whether I had faith or 
 no ; this always running in my mind : " But 
 how if you want faith indeed ? But how can 
 you tell you have faith ?" And besides. I saw 
 for certain, if I had not, I was sure to perish for 
 ever. 
 
 50. So that though I endeavoured at the first 
 to look over the business of faith, yet in a little 
 time, I better considering the matter, was will- 
 ing to put myself upon the trial whether I had 
 faith or no. But alas, poor wretch ! so ignorant 
 and brutish was I, that I knew not to tliis day 
 any more how to do it than I know how to 
 begin and accomplish that rare and curious 
 piece of art which I never yet saw or con- 
 sidered. 
 
 51. Wherefore, while I was thus considering, 
 and being put to a plunge about it (for you 
 must know that as yet I had not in this matter 
 broken my mind to any one, only did hear and 
 consider,) the tempter came in with this delu- 
 sion, " That there was no way for me to know 
 I had faith but by trying to work some miracles, 
 urging those scriptures that seem to look that 
 way for the enforcing and strengthening his 
 temptation." Nay, one day as I was betw^een 
 Elstow and Bedford, the temptation was hot 
 upon me to try if I had faith by doing some 
 miracle, which miracle at this time was this : I 
 must say to the puddles that were in the horse- 
 pads. '• Be dry ;" and to the dry places "' Be you 
 
30 BUNYAN'S 
 
 puddles." And truly one time I was going to 
 say so indeed ; but jnst as I was about to speak, 
 this thought came into my mind : " But go un- 
 der yonder hedge and pray first that God would 
 make you able." But when I had concluded 
 to pray, this came hot upon me — that if I prayed 
 and came again, and tried to do it, and yet did 
 nothing notwithstanding, then, to be sure, I had 
 no faith, but was a cast-away and lost : " Nay," 
 thought I, " if it be so, I will not try yet, but 
 will stay a little longer." 
 
 52. So I continued at a great loss ; for I 
 thought if they only had faith which could do 
 so wonderful things, then I concluded, that for 
 the present I neither had it, nor yet for the time 
 to come was ever like to have it. Thus I was 
 tossed betwixt the devil and my own ignorance, 
 and so perplexed, especially at some times, that 
 I could not tell what to do. • 
 
 53. About this time the state and happiness 
 of these poor people at Bedford was thus, in a 
 kind of a vision, presented to me. — I saw as if 
 they were on the sunny side of some high moun- 
 tain, there refreshing themselves with the plea- 
 sant beams of the sun, while I was shivering 
 and shrinking in the cold, afflicted with frost, 
 snow, and dark clouds. Methought also, be- 
 twixt me and them, I saw a w^all that did com- 
 pass about this mountain. Now through this 
 wall my soul did greatly desire to pass ; con- 
 cluding, that if I could, I would even go into 
 the very midst of them, and there also comfort 
 myself with the heat of their sun. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 31 ^ 
 
 54. About this wall I bethought myself to go 
 again and again, still praying as I went, to see 
 if I could find some way or passage, by which 
 I might enter therein ; but none could I find 
 for some time ; at the last, I saw, as it were, a 
 narrow gap, like a little door-way in the wall, 
 through which I attempted to pass. Now, the 
 passage being very strait and narrow, I made 
 many offers to get in ; but all in vain, even 
 until I was well nigh quite beat out, by striving 
 to get in ; at last, with great striving, methought 
 I at first did get in my head, and after that, by 
 a sideling striving, my shoulders, and my whole 
 body ; then I was exceeding glad, and went 
 and sat down in the midst of them, and so was 
 comforted with the light and heat of their sun. 
 
 55. Now this mountain and wall, (fcc. was 
 thus made out to me : — The mountain signified 
 the church of the living God ; the sun that 
 shone thereon, the comfortable shining of his 
 merciful face on them that were therein ; the 
 wall I thought was the world, that did make 
 separation between the Christians and the 
 world ; and the gap which was in the wall I 
 thought was Jesus Christ, who is '' the way"* 
 to God the Father. But forasmuch as the pas- 
 sage was wonderful narrow, even so narrow 
 that I could not but with great difiiculty enter 
 in thereat, it showed me that none could enter 
 into life but those that were in downright earnest, 
 and unless also they left that wicked world be 
 
 * John xiv. 6 J Matt. vii. 14. 
 
32 BUNYAN'S 
 
 i hind them : P3^ for here was onl}' room for 
 ' body and soul, but not for body and soul and sin- 
 
 56. This resemblance abode upon my spirit 
 many days, all which time I saw myself in a 
 forlorn and sad condition, but yet was provoked 
 to a vehement hunger and desire to be one of 
 that number that did sit in the sunshine. Now 
 also would I pray wherever I was, whether at 
 home or abroad, in house or field, and would 
 also often, with lifting up of heart, sing that of 
 the fifty-first Psalm, " O Lord, consider my dis- 
 tress :" for as yet I knew not where I was. 
 
 57. Neither as yet could I attain to any com- 
 fortable persuasion that I had faith in Christ ; 
 but instead of having satisfaction here, I began 
 to find my soul to be assaulted with fresh doubts 
 about my future happiness, especially with such 
 as these : " W hether I was elected ? But how, 
 if the day of grace should now be past and 
 gone?" 
 
 58. By these two temptations I was very 
 much afflicted and disquieted, sometimes by one, 
 and sometimes by the other of them. And 
 first, to speak of that about questioning my 
 election, I found at this time, that though I was 
 in a flam« to find the way to heaven and glory, 
 and though nothing could beat me off from 
 this ; yet this question did so offend and dis- 
 courage me, that I was, especially sometimes, as 
 if the very strength of my body also had been 
 taken aw^ay by the force and power thereof 
 This scripture did also seem to me to trample 
 upon all my desires : " It is neither of him that 
 
1^ 
 
 GRACE ABOUNDING. 33 
 
 willeth, nor of him that runneth : but of God 
 that showeth mercy."* 
 
 59. With this scripture I could not tell what 
 to do ; for I evidently saw, unless that the great 
 God, of his infinite grace and bounty, had vol- 
 untarily chosen me to be a vessel of mercy; 
 though I should desire, and long, and labour 
 until my heart did break, no good could come 
 of it. Therefore this would stick with me, 
 " How can you tell that you arc elected ? And 
 what if you should not ? How then ?" 
 
 60. " O Lord (thought I), what if I should 
 not indeed?" — "It maybe you are not," said - 
 the tempter. — " It may be so indeed," thought 
 I. — " Why then (said Satan), you had as good 
 leave off, and strive no farther ; for if indeed 
 you should not be elected and chosen of God, 
 there is no hope of your being saved ; for it is 
 neither in him that willeth, nor in him that 
 runneth , but in God that showeth mercy." 
 
 61. By these things I was driven to my wits- 
 end, not knowing what to say, or how to an- 
 swer these temptations : indeed, I little thought 
 that Satan had thus assaulted me, but that 
 rather it was my own prudence thus to start the 
 question ; for, that the elect only obtained eter- 
 nal life ; that I, without scruple, did heartily 
 close withal ; but that myself was one of them, 
 there lay the question. 
 
 62. Thus therefore, for several days, I was 
 greatly assaulted and perplexed, and v/as often, 
 when I have been walking, ready to sink where 
 
 * Rom. ix. 16. 
 
^34 BUNYANS 
 
 I went, with faintness in m}^ mind : but one 
 day, after I had been so many weeks oppressed 
 and cast down therewith, as I was now quite 
 giving up the ghost of all my hopes of ever at- 
 taining hfe, that sentence fell with weight upon 
 my spirit, " Look at the generations of old, and 
 see, did ever any trust in God, and were con- 
 founded ?" 
 
 63. At which I was greatly enlightened and 
 encouraged in my soul, for thus, at that very 
 instant, it was expounded to me : " Begin at 
 the beginning of Genesis, and read to the end 
 
 , of the Revelation, and see if you can find that 
 there was ever any that trusted in the Lord, and 
 was confounded." So coming home, I pres- 
 ently went to my Bible, to see if I could find 
 that saying, not doubting but to find it presently, 
 for it was so fresh, and with such strength and 
 comfort on my spirit, that it was as if it talked 
 with me. 
 
 64. Well, I looked, but I found it not ; only 
 it abode upon me. Then did I ask first this 
 good man, and then another, if they knew 
 where it was ; but they knew no such place. 
 At this I wondered, that such a sentence should 
 so suddenly, and with such comfort and strength, 
 seize, and abide upon my heart, and yet that 
 none could find it, for I doubted not but that it 
 was in the Holy Scriptures. 
 
 65. Thus I continued above a year, and 
 could not find the place : but at last, casting 
 my eye upon the Apocrypha-books, I found it 
 in Ecclesiasticus ; Ecclus. ii. 16. This, at the 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 35 
 
 first, did somewhat daunt me ; but because by 
 this time I had got more experience of the love 
 and kindness of God, it troubled me the less, es- 
 pecially when I considered that though it was not 
 in those texts that we call holy and canonical ; 
 yet, forasmuch as this sentence was the sum 
 and substance of many of the promises, it was 
 my duty to take the comfort of it ; and I bless 
 God for that word, for it was of good to me : 
 that word doth still oft-times shine before my 
 face. 
 
 66. After this, that other doubt did come with 
 strength upon me, "But how if the day of 
 grace should be past and gone ?-" How, if you 
 have overstood the time of mercy ? Now I re- 
 member, that one day as I was walking in the 
 country, I was much in the thoughts of this, 
 " But how if the day of grace is past ?" And, 
 to aggravate my trouble, the tempter presented 
 to my mind those good people of Bedford, and 
 suggested thus unto me : that these being con- 
 verted already, they w^ere all that God would 
 save in those parts, and that I came too late, 
 for these had got the blessing before I came. 
 
 67. Now was I in great distress, thinking in 
 very deed that this might well be so ; where- 
 fore I went up and down bemoaning my sad 
 condition, counting myself far worse than a 
 thousand fools for standing off thus long, and 
 spending so many years in sin as I have done ; 
 still crying out, " Oh ! that I had turned sooner ! 
 Oh ! that I had turned seven years ago !" It 
 made me also angry with myself, to think that 
 
"^ 36 BUNYAN'S 
 
 I should have no more wit, but to trifle away 
 my time, till my soul and heaven were lost. 
 
 68. But when I had been long vexed with 
 ' this fear, and was scarce able to take one step 
 
 more ; just about the same place where I re- 
 ceived my other encouragement, these words 
 broke in upon my mind, "Compel them to come 
 in, that my house may be filled ; and yet there 
 is room."* These ^vords, but especially those, 
 i/ " And yet there is room," were sweet words to 
 me : for truly, I thought that by them I saw 
 there was place enough in heaven for me ; and 
 moreover, that when the Lord Jesus did speak 
 these words, he then did think of me ; and that 
 he knowing that the time would come that I 
 should be afflicted with fear, that there was no 
 place left for me in his bosom, did before speak 
 this word, and leave it upon record, that I might 
 find help thereby against this vile temptation. 
 This I then verily believed. 
 
 69. In the light and encouragement of this 
 word, I went a pretty while ; and the comfort 
 w^as the more, when I thought that the Lord 
 Jesus should think on me so long agO; and that 
 he should speak those words on purpose for my 
 sake ; for I did think verily, that he did on pur» 
 pose speak them to encourage me withal. 
 
 70. But I was not without my temptations to 
 go back again ; temptations, I say, both from 
 Satan, mine own heart, and carnal acquaint- 
 ance : but I thank God, these were outweighed 
 by that sound sense of death, and of the day 
 
 * I.uke xiv. 22, 23. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 37 
 
 of iudo-nient, which abode, as it were contin- 
 ually in my view. I would often also think on 
 Nebuchadnezzar, of whom it is said, "He had 
 dven him all the kingdoms of the earth 
 ^ Yet (thought I), if this great man had aU his 
 portion in this world, one hour in hell fire would 
 make him forget all." Which consideration 
 was a great help to me. 
 
 71 I was almost made, about this time, to 
 see something concerning the beasts that Moses 
 counted clean and unclean: I thought those 
 ])easts were types of men ; the clean, types ot 
 them that were the people of God ; but the un- 
 clean, types of such as were the children of the 
 wicked one. Now I read, that the clean beasts 
 -'chewed the cud;" that is, thougbt I, they 
 show us, we must feed upon the word of God : 
 they also "parted the hoof." I thought that 
 signified, we must part (if we would be saved) 
 with the ways of ungodly men. And also, in 
 farther reading about them, I found, that though 
 we did chew the cud as the hare ; yet if we 
 vv^alked with claws like a dog ; or if we did 
 part the hoof hkc the swine ; yet, if we did not 
 chew the cud as the sheep, we are stiU, lor ail 
 that, but unclean. For 1 thought the hare to 
 be a type of those that talk of the word, yet 
 walk in the ways of sin ; and that the swine 
 was like him that parted with his outward pol- 
 lution, but StiU wanteth the word of faith, witH- 
 out which, there could be no way of salvation, 
 let a man be ever so devout : Deut. xiv. Alter 
 
 ♦ See Dan. v. 18, 19. 
 
 4 
 
38 BUNYAN'S 
 
 this, I found by reading the word, that those 
 that must be glorified with Christ in another 
 world " must be called by him here ;" called to 
 the partaking of a share in his word and right- 
 eousness, and to the comforts and first fruits of 
 his Spirit ; and to a peculiar interest in all those 
 heavenly things, which do indeed prepare the 
 soul for that rest and house of glory, which is 
 in heaven above. 
 
 72. Here again, I was at a very great stand, 
 not knowing what to do, fearing I was not 
 called: "For, (thought L) if I be not called, 
 what then can do me good ? None but those 
 who are effectually called inherit the kingdom 
 of heaven." But oh ! how I now loved those 
 words that spake of a Christian's calling ! As 
 when the Lord said to one, " Follow me ;" and 
 to another, " Come after me." And " Oh ! 
 (thought I,) that he would say so to me too : 
 how gladly would I run after him !" 
 
 73. I cannot now express with what longings 
 and breathings in my soul I cried to Christ to 
 call me. Thus I continued for a time, all on a 
 flame to be converted to Jesus Christ ; and did 
 also see at that day such glory in a converted 
 state, that I could not be contented without a 
 share therein. Gold ! could it have been gotten 
 for gold; what would I have given for it ! Had 
 I had a whole world, it had all gone ten thou- 
 sand times over for this, that my soul might 
 have been in a converted state. 
 
 74. How lovely now was every one in my 
 eyes, that I thought to be converted men and 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 39 
 
 women ! They shone, they walked hke a peo- 
 ple that carried the broad seal of heaven about 
 them. Oh ! I saw the lot '• was fallen to them 
 in pleasant places, and they had a goodly heri- 
 tage."* But that which made me sick was that 
 of Christ, in St. Mark :t '• He went up into a 
 mountain, and called to him whom he would ; 
 and they came unto him." 
 
 75. This scripture made me faint and fear ; 
 yet it kindled fire in my soul. That which 
 made me fear was this — lest Christ should have 
 no liking to me, for he called whom he would. 
 But oh ! the glory that I saw in that condition 
 did so engage my heart, that I could seldom 
 read of any that Christ did call, but I presently 
 wished — '• Would I had been in their clothes ; 
 would I had been born Peter ; would I had been 
 born John ; or, would I had been by, and heard 
 him when he called them ; how would I have 
 cried, O Lord, call me also ! But, oh ! I feared 
 he would not call me." 
 
 76. And truly, the Lord let me go thus many 
 months together, and showed me nothing : either 
 that I was already, or should be called hereafter. 
 But at last, after much time spent, and many 
 groans to God, that I might be made partaker 
 of the holy and heavenly calling, that word 
 came in upon me, '• I will cleanse their blood, 
 that I have not cleansed : for the Lord dwclleth 
 in Zion."l These words I thought were sent 
 to encourage me to wait still upon God ; and 
 signified unto me, that if I were not already, 
 
 * Psalm xvi, 5. t Chap. iii. 13. : Joel iil 21, 
 
40 BUNYAN'S 
 
 yet time might come, I might be in truth con- 
 verted unto Christ. 
 
 77. About this time I began to break my 
 mind to those poor people in Bedford, and to 
 tell them my condition ; which when they had 
 heard, they told Mr. Gifford of me, w^io himself 
 also took occasion to talk with me ; and was 
 wilhng to be well persuaded of me, though I 
 think from little grounds. But he invited me 
 to his house, w^here I should hear him confer 
 with others, about the deahngs of God with theii 
 souls. From all which I still received more con- 
 viction, and from that time began to see some- 
 thing of the vanity and inw^ard wretchedness 
 of my wicked heart : for as yet I knew no great 
 matter therein, but now it began to be dis- 
 covered unto me, and also to work at that rate 
 as it never did before. Now I evidently found, 
 that lusts and corruptions put forth themselves 
 within me, in wicked thoughts and desires, 
 which I did not regard before ; my desires also 
 for heaven and life began to fail ; I found also, 
 that whereas before, my soul w^as full of long- 
 ing after God; now it began to hanker after 
 every foolish vanity : yea, my heart would not 
 be moved to mind that which was good ; it be 
 gan to be careless both of my soul and iieaven , 
 it would now continually hang back, both to 
 and in every duty ; and was as a clog on the 
 leg of a bird, to hinder him from flying. 
 
 78. " Nay," (I thought,) " now I grow worse 
 and worse : now I am farther from conversion 
 than ever I was before."' Wherefore I began to 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 41 
 
 sink greatly in my soul, and began to entertain 
 such discouragement in my heart, as laid me as 
 low as hell. If now I should have burned at 
 the stake, I could not believe that Christ had a 
 love for me : alas ! I could neither hear him, 
 nor see him, nor feel him, nor favour any of 
 his things ; I was driven as with a tempest ; 
 my heart would be unclean ; and the Canaan- 
 ites would dwell in the land. 
 
 79. Sometimes I would tell my condition to 
 the people of God ; which when they heard, 
 they woiild pit}- me, and would tell me of the 
 promises : but they had as good have told me, 
 that I must reach the sun with my finger, as 
 have bidden me receive or rely upon the pro- 
 mises ; and as soon I should have done it : all 
 my sense and feeling was against me ; and I 
 saw I had a heart that would sin, and that lay 
 under a law that would condemn. 
 
 80. These things have often made me think 
 of the child which the father brought to Christ, 
 " Who. while he was yet a-coming to him, was 
 thrown down by the devil, and also so rent and 
 torn by him, that he lay and wallowed, foam- 
 ing."* 
 
 81. Further, in these days, I would find my 
 heart to shut itself up against the Lord, and 
 against his holy word. I have found my un- 
 belief to set, as it were, the shoulder to the door, 
 to keep him out ; and that too even then, when 
 I have with many a bitter sigh cried. Good Lord, 
 break it open : Lord, break these "gates of brass," 
 
 * L\jke ix. 42 ; Mark ix. 20, 
 4* 
 
43 BUNYAN'S 
 
 and "cut these bars of iron asunder/^* Yti 
 that word would sometimes create in my heart 
 a peaceable pause — " I girded thee, though thou 
 hast not known me."t 
 
 82. But all this while, as to the act of sinning, 
 I was never more tender than now : my hinder 
 parts were inward : I durst not take a pin or 
 stick, though but so big as a straw, for my con- 
 science now was sore, and would smart at every 
 touch : I could not now tell how to speak my 
 words, for fear I should misplace them. Oh, 
 how cautiously did I then go, in all I did or 
 said ! I found myself as in a miry bog, that 
 shook if I did but stir, and was, as there, left 
 both of God and Christ, and the Spirit, and all 
 good things. 
 
 83. But I observed, though I was such a 
 great sinner before conversion ; yet God never 
 much charged the guilt of the sins of my igno- 
 rance upon me : only he showed me, I was lost 
 if I had not Christ, because I had been a sin- 
 ner : I saw that I wanted a perfect righteous- 
 ness to present me v/ithout fault before God ; 
 and this righteousness was nowhere to be found, 
 but in the person of Jesus Christ. 
 
 84. But my original and inward pollution — 
 that, that was my plague and affliction ; that I 
 saw at a dreadful rate, always putting forth 
 itself within me ; that I had the guilt of, to 
 amazement ; by reason of that, I was more 
 loathsome in mine own eyes than a toad, and 
 I thought I was so in God's eyes too : sin and 
 
 * Psalm cvii, 16. + Isaiah xlv, 5. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 43 
 
 corruption, 1 said, would as naturally bubble 
 out of iny heart, as water would bubble out of 
 a fountain. I thought now, that every one had 
 a better heart than I had ; I could have changed 
 heart with any body ; I thought none but the 
 devil himself could equalize me for inward 
 wickedness and pollution of mind. I fell there- 
 fore at the sight of my own vileness deeply in 
 despair ; for I concluded, that this condition 
 that I was in could not stand with a state of 
 grace. " Sure (thought I,) I am forsaken of 
 God ; sure, I am given up to the devil, and to 
 a reprobate mind.'' And thus I continued a 
 long while, even for some years togetlier. 
 
 85. When I was thus afflicted with the fears 
 of my own damnation, there were two things 
 would make me wonder ; the one was, when 
 I saw old people hunting after the things of 
 this life, as if they should live here always ; the 
 other was, when I found professors much dis- 
 tressed and cast down, when they met with out- 
 ward losses ; as of husband, wife, child, &c. 
 " Lord, (thought I,) what a-do is here about 
 such little things as these ! What seeking after 
 carnal things by some, and what grief in others 
 for the loss of them ! If they so much labour 
 after, and shed so many tears for the things of 
 this present life, how am I to be bemoaned, 
 pitied, and prayed for ! My soul is dying, my 
 80ul is damning. Were my soul but in a good 
 condition, and were I but sure of it; ah ! how 
 rich sh.ould I esteem myself, though blessed 
 but with bread and water ! 1 should count those 
 

 44 BUNYAN'S 
 
 but small afflictions, and should bear them as 
 little burthens. A wounded spirit who can 
 bear ?" 
 
 86. And though I was much troubled, and 
 tossed, and afflicted, with the sight and sense 
 and terror of my own wickedness, yet I was 
 afraid to let this sight and sense go quite oft' 
 my mind : for I found, that unless guilt of con- 
 science was taken off" the right way, that is, by 
 the blood of Christ, a man grew rather worse 
 for the loss of his trouble of mind, than trouble. 
 Wherefore, if my guilt lay hard upon me, then 
 should I cry that the blood of Christ might take 
 it off" ; and it was going off without it, (for the 
 sense of sin would be sometimes as if it would 
 die, and go quite away,) then I would also 
 strive to fetch it upon my heart again, by bring- 
 ing the punishment of sin in hell-fire upon my 
 spirits ; and would cry, " Lord, let it not go off 
 my heart, but the right way, — by the blood of 
 Christ, and the application of thy mercy, through 
 him, to my soul;" for that scripture* did lay 
 much upon me, "AVithout shedding of blood 
 there is no redemption." And that Avhich made 
 me the more afraid of this was, because I had 
 seen some, who, though they were under the 
 wounds of conscience, would cry and pray ; yet 
 feehng rather present ease for their trouble than 
 pardon for their sin, cared not how they lost 
 their guilt, so they got it out of their mind : now, 
 having got it off the wrong way, it was not 
 sanctified unto them ; but they grew harder 
 * Heb. ix. 22. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 45 
 
 and blinder, and more wicked after their trouble. 
 This made me afraid, and made me cry to God 
 the more, that it might not be so with me. 
 
 87. And now I was sorry that God had made 
 me man, for I feared I was a reprobate. I 
 counted man as unconverted, the most doleful 
 of all creatures. — Thus being afflicted and 
 tossed about my sad condition, I counted my- 
 self alone, and above the most of men un- 
 blessed. 
 
 88. Yea, I thought it impossible that ever I 
 should attain to so much godliness of heart, as 
 to thank God that he had made me a man. 
 Man indeed is the most noble by creation of all 
 creatures in the visible world, but by sin he had 
 made himself the most ignoble. The beasts, 
 birds, fishes, &c., I blessed their condition, for 
 they had not a sinful nature ; they were not 
 obnoxious to the wrath of God ; they were not 
 to go to hell-fire after death : I could therefore 
 have rejoiced had my condition been as any of 
 theirs. 
 
 89. In this condition I went a great while ; 
 but when the comforting time was come, I 
 heard one preacli a sermon on these words in 
 the Song,* •' Behold, thou art fair, my love ; be- 
 hold, thou art fair." But at that time he made 
 these two words, my love, his chief and subject 
 matter ; from which, after he had a little opened 
 the text, he observed these several conclusions : 
 I. " That the church, and so every saved soul, 
 is Christ's love, when loveless." 2. " Christ's 
 
 * Chap. iv. i. 
 
46 BUNYAN'S 
 
 love without a cause." 3. " Christ's love, which 
 hath been hated of the world." 4. " Christ's 
 love, when under temptation and under de- 
 struction." 5. " Christ's love, from first to last." 
 
 90. But I got nothing but what he said at 
 present ; only when he came to the application 
 of the fourth particular, this was the word he 
 said, " If it be so, that the saved soul is Christ's 
 love, when under temptation and destruction ; 
 then, poor tempted soul, when thou art assaulted 
 and afflicted with temptations, and the hidings 
 of face, yet think on these two words, my love, 
 still." 
 
 91. So, as I was going home, these words 
 came again into my thoughts ; and I well re- 
 member, as they came in, I said thus in my 
 heart, " What shall I get by thinking on these 
 two Avords ?" This thought had no sooner 
 passed through my heart but tliese words began 
 thus to kindle in my spirit, " Thou art my love, 
 thou art my love," twenty times together ; and 
 still as they ran in my mind they waxed 
 stronger and warmer, and began to make me 
 look up ; but being as yet between hope and 
 fear, I still replied in my heart, " But is it true, 
 but is it true ?" At which that sentence fell 
 upon me, " He wist not that it was true which 
 was done unto him of the angel."* 
 
 92. Then I began to give place to the word, 
 which, with power, did over and over make 
 this joyful sound within my soul, " Thou art 
 my love, thou art my love, and nothing shall 
 
 * Acts xii. 9. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 47 
 
 separate thee from my love." And with that 
 my heart wa.slilled full of comfort and hope ; 
 and now I could believe that my sins would be 
 forgiven me ; yea, I was now so taken witli the 
 love and mercy of God, that I remember. I 
 could not tell how to contain till I got home : I 
 thought I could have spoken of his love, and 
 have told of his mercy to me, even to the very 
 crows that sat upon the ploughed lands before 
 me, had they been capable to have understood 
 me. Wherefore I said in my soul, with much 
 gladness, " Well, would I had a pen and ink 
 here, I would write this down before I go any 
 farther, for surely I will not forget this forty 
 years hence." But, alas ! within less than forty 
 days I began to question all again, which made 
 me begin to question all still. 
 
 93. Yet still at times I was helped to believe, 
 that it was a true manifestation of grace unto 
 my soul, though I had lost much of the life 
 and favour of it. — Now, about a week or a fort- 
 night after this, I was much followed by this 
 scripture,* " Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath 
 desired to have you :" and sometimes it would 
 sound so loud within me, yea, and. as it were, 
 call so strongly after me, that once, above all 
 the rest, I turned my head over my slioulder, 
 thinking verily that some men had, behind me, 
 called me ; being at a great distance, methought 
 he called so loud ; it came, as I have thought 
 since, to have stirred me up to prayer and 
 to watchfulness ; it came to acquaint me that a 
 * Luke xxii. 31, 
 
48 BUNYAN'S 
 
 cloud and a storm was coming down upon me ; 
 but I understood it not. 
 
 94. Also, as I remember, that time that it 
 called to me so loud was the last lime that it 
 sounded in mine ears : but methinks I hear 
 still with what a loud voice these words, " Simon, 
 Simon," sounded in mine ears. I thought 
 verily, as I have told you, that somebody had 
 called after me that was half a mile behind me; 
 and although that was not my name, yet it 
 made me suddenly look behind me, beheving 
 that he who called so loud meant me. 
 
 95. But so foolish was I, and ignorant, that 
 I knew not the reason of this sound (which, as 
 I did both see and feel soon after, was sent from 
 heaven as an alarm to awaken me to provide 
 for wha,t was coming) : only I would muse and 
 wonder in my mind to think what sliould be 
 the reason of this scripture, and that at this 
 rate, so often and so loud, it should still be 
 sounding and rattling in mine ears ; — but, as I 
 said before, I soon after perceived the end of 
 God therein. 
 
 96. For, about the space of a month after, a 
 very great storm came down upon me, which 
 handled me twenty times worse than all I had 
 met with before; it came steahng upon me, 
 now by one piece, then by another. First, all 
 my comfort was taken from me : then darkness 
 seized upon me ; after which whole floods of 
 blasphemies, both against God, Christ, and the 
 scriptures, was poured upon n^y spirit, to my 
 great confusion and astonishment. These 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 49 
 
 blasphemous thoughts were such as stirred up 
 questions in me against the very being of God, 
 and of his only beloved Son ; as, whether there 
 were, in truth, a God, or Christ ? and whether 
 the holy scriptures were not rather a fable, and 
 cunning story, than the holy and pure word of 
 God. 
 
 97. The tempter would also much assault me 
 with this, "How can you tell but that the 
 Turks had as good scriptures to prove their 
 Mahomet the Saviour as we have to prove our 
 Jesus ? And, could I think, that so many ten 
 thousands, in so many countries and kingdoms, 
 should be without the knowledge of the right 
 way to heaven (if there were indeed a heaven) ; 
 and that we only, who live in a corner of the 
 earth, should alone be blessed therewith ? Every 
 one doth think his own religion rightest, both 
 Jews, and Moors, and Pagans ; and how, if all 
 our faith, and Christ, and scriptures, should be 
 but a think-so too ?" 
 
 98. Sometimes I have endeavoured to argue 
 against these suggestions, and to set some of the 
 sentences of blessed Paul agahist them ; but, 
 alas ! I quickly felt, when I thus did, such ar- 
 guings as these would return again upon me, 
 " Though we made so great a matter of Paul, 
 and of his words, yet how could I tell, but that, 
 in very deed, he, being a subtle and cunning 
 man, might give himself up to deceive with 
 strong delusions, and also take tlic pains and 
 travel to undo and destroy his fellows ?" 
 
 99. These suggestions (with many other 
 
 5 
 
50 BUNYAN'S 
 
 which at this time I may not, nor dare not 
 utter, neither by word or pen) did make such a 
 seizure upon my spirit, and did so overweigh 
 my heart, both with their number, continuance, 
 and fiery force, that I felt as if there were no- 
 thing else but these from morning to night 
 within me, and as though indeed there could 
 be room for nothing else ; and I also concluded, 
 that God had, in very wrath to my soul, given 
 me up to them, to be carried away with them, 
 as with a mighty whirlwind. 
 
 100. Only by the distate that they gave unto 
 my spirit, I felt there was something in me that 
 refused to embrace me. But this consideration 
 I then only had when God gave me leave to 
 swallow my spittle ; otherwise the noise, and 
 strength, and force of these temptations would 
 drown and overflow, and, as it were, bury all 
 such thoughts, or the remembrance of any such 
 thing. While I was in this temptation I often 
 found my mind suddenly put upon it to curse 
 and swear, or to speak some grievous thing 
 against God, or Christ his Son, and of the scrip- 
 tures. 
 
 101. Now I thought, "Surely I am possessed 
 of the devil." At other times again I thought 
 I should be bereft of my wits ; for, instead of 
 lauding and magnifying God the I/ord, with 
 others, if I have but heard him spoken of, pres- 
 ently some most horrible blasphemous thought or 
 other would bolt out of my heart against him ; 
 so that whether I did think that God was, or 
 again did think there was no such thing, no 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 51 
 
 love, nor peace, nor gracious disposition could I 
 feel within me. 
 
 102. These things did sink me into very 
 deep despair ; for I concluded that such things 
 could not possibly be found amongst them that 
 loved God. I often, when these temptations 
 had been with force upon me, did compare my- 
 self to the case of such a child, whom some 
 gipsy hath by force taken up in her arms, and 
 is carrying from friend and country : kick 
 sometimes I did, and also shriek and cry ; but 
 yet I v,-as bound in the wings of temptation, 
 and the wind would carry me away. I thought 
 also of Saul, and of the evil spirit that did pos- 
 sess him,* and did greatly fear that my condi- 
 tion was the same with that of his. 
 
 103. In these days, when I have heard others 
 talk of what was the sin against the Holy 
 Ghost, then would the tempter so provoke me 
 to desire to sin that sin, that I was as if I could 
 not, must not. neither should be quiet until I 
 had committed it ; now, no sin would serve but 
 that. If it were to be committed by speaking 
 of such a word, then I have been as if my 
 mouth would have spoken that word whether 
 I would or no : and in so strong a measure was 
 this temptation upon me, that often I have been 
 ready to clap my hands under my chin, to hold 
 my mouth from opening ; and to that end also 
 I have had thoughts at other times to leap with 
 my head downward into some muck-hill hole or 
 other, to keep my mouth from speaking. 
 
 * 1 Sam. xvi. 14. 
 
52 BUNYAN'S 
 
 104. Now again I beheld the condition of the 
 dog" and toad, and counted the estate of every 
 thing that God had made far better than this 
 dreadful state of mine, and such as my com- 
 panions was. Yea, gladly would I have been 
 in the condition of a dog or horse ; for I knew 
 they had no souls to perish under the everlast- 
 ing weight of hell, or sin, as mine was like to 
 do. Nay, and though I saw this, felt this, and 
 was broken to pieces with it, yet that which 
 added to my sorrow was, that I could not find 
 that with all my soul I did desire deliverance. 
 That scripture did also tear and rend my soul 
 in the midst of these distractions : " The wicked 
 are like the troubled sea, which cannot rest, 
 whose waters cast up mire and dirt. There is 
 no peace to the wicked, saith my God.''* 
 
 10.5. And now my heart w^as, at times, ex- 
 ceeding hard ; if I would have given a thousand 
 pounds for a tear I could not shed one, no, nor 
 sometimes scarce desire to shed one. I was 
 much dejected to think that this would be my 
 lot. I saw some could mourn and lament their 
 sin ; and others, again, could rejoice and bless 
 God for Christ ; and others, again, could 
 quietly talk of, and with gladness remember, 
 the word of God ; while I only was in the 
 storm or tempest. This much sunk me: I 
 thought my condition was alone ; I should 
 therefore much bewail my hard hap ; but get 
 out of, or get rid of these things, I could not. 
 
 106. While this temptation lasted (wliich was 
 ♦ Isaiah Ivii. 20, 31. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 53 
 
 about a year) I could attend upon none of the 
 ordinances of God, but with sore and great 
 affliction. Yea, then was I most distressed with 
 blasphemies. If I had been hearing the word, 
 then uncleanness, blasphemies, and despair, 
 would hold me a captive there ; if I have been 
 reading-, then sometimes I had sudden thoughts 
 to question all I read ; sometimes, again, my 
 mind would be so strangely snatched away, 
 and possessed with other things, that I have 
 neither known, nor regarded, nor remembered 
 so much as the sentence that but now I have 
 read. 
 
 107. In prayer also I have been greatly 
 troubled at this time : sometimes I have thought 
 I have felt him, behind me, pull my clothes ; 
 he would be also continually at me in time of 
 prayer, to have done, break off: — "Make haste, 
 you have prayed enough, and stay no longer ;" 
 still drawing my mind away. Sometimes also 
 he would cast in such wicked thouglits as these, 
 '•' That I must pray to him, or for him." I have 
 thought sometimes of that in Matthew,* '• Fall 
 down ;" or, " If thou wilt, fall down and wor- 
 ship me." 
 
 108. Also, when, because I have had wan- 
 dering thoughts in the time of this duty, I have 
 laboured to compose my mind, and fix it upon 
 God; then with great force hath the tempter 
 laboured to distract me, and confound me, and 
 to turn away my mind, by presenting to my 
 heart and fancy the form of a bush, a bull, a 
 
 * Chap. iv. 9. 
 5* 
 
54 BUNYAN'S 
 
 besom, or the like ; as if I should pray to these. 
 To 'these he would also (at some times especi- 
 ally) so hold my mind, that I was as if I could 
 think of nothing else, or pray to nothing else 
 but to these, or such as they. 
 
 109. Yet at times I should have some strong 
 and heart-affecting apprehensions of God, and 
 the reality of the truth of his gospel. But, oh ! 
 how would my heart at such times put forth 
 itself with unexpressible groanings. My whole 
 soul was then in every word ; I should cry 
 with pangs after God, that he would be merci- 
 ful unto me. But then I should be daunted 
 again with such conceits as these ; I should 
 think that God did mock at these my prayers, 
 saying (and that in the audience of the holy 
 angels,) " This poor simple wretch doth hanker 
 after me as if I had nothing to do with my 
 mercy but to bestow it on such as he. Alas, 
 poor soul ! how art thou deceived ! It is not for 
 such as thee to have favour with the Highest." 
 
 110. Then hath the tempter come upon me 
 also with such discouragements as these : " You 
 are very hot for mercy, but I will cool you ; this 
 frame shall not last always ; many have been 
 as hot as you for a spirit, but I have quenched 
 their zeal" (and with this, such and such, who 
 were fallen off would be set before mine eyes.) 
 Then I would be afraid that I should do so 
 too : " But (thought I) I am glad this comes into 
 my mind : well, I Avill watch, and take what 
 care I can." — " Though you do (said Satan) I 
 shall be too hard for you ; I will cool you in- 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 55 
 
 sensibly, by degrees, by little and little. What 
 care I (saith he) though I be seven years in 
 chilling your heart, if I can do it at last ? Con- 
 tinual rocking will lull a crying child asleep : I 
 will ply it close, but I wdll have my end accom- 
 plished. Though you be burning hot at pre- 
 sent, I can pull you from this fire ; I shall have 
 you cold before it be long." 
 
 111. These things brought me into great 
 straits ; for as I at present could not find my- 
 self fit for present death, so I thought to five 
 long, would make me yet more unfit ; for time 
 would make me forget all, and wear even the, 
 remembrance of the evil of sin, the worth of 
 heaven, and the need I had of the blood of 
 Christ to wash me, both out of mind and 
 thought. But I thank Christ Jesus, these 
 things did not at present make me slack my 
 crying, but rather did put me more upon it, 
 (hke her who met with the adulterer ;*) in 
 which days that was a good word to me, after 
 I had suffered these things a while : — '• I am 
 persuaded that neither death, nor hfe, (&c.) 
 shall separate us from the love of God, which 
 is in Christ Jesus."t And now I hoped long 
 life would not destroy me, nor make me miss 
 of heaven. 
 
 112. Yet I had some supports in this tempta- 
 tion, though they w^ere then all questioned by 
 me ; that in Jeremiah iii,t at the first, was some- 
 
 * See Dcut. xxii. 26. t Rom. viii. 38, 39. 
 
 X The author here probably means the gracious promises in 
 that chapter, at the 12th and following verses. 
 
56 BUNYAN'S 
 
 thing to me ; and so was the consideration of 
 verse 4 of that chapter ; that though we have 
 spoken and done as evil things as we could, 
 yet we shall cry unto God, '' My Father, thou 
 art the guide of my youth ;" and shall return 
 unto him. 
 
 113. I had also once a sweet glance from 
 that in 2 Cor. v. 12 : " For he hath made HIM 
 to be sin for us, who knew no sin, that we 
 might be made the righteousness of God in 
 Him." — I remember that one day, as I was 
 sitting in a neighbour's house, and there very 
 sad at the consideration of my many blas- 
 phemies ; and as I was saying in my mind, 
 " What ground have I to say that I, who have 
 been so vile and abominable, should ever in- 
 herit eternal life ? that word came suddenly 
 upon me, "What shall we say to these things? 
 If God be for us, who can be against us ?"* 
 That also was a help unto me : " Because I 
 live, 5^ou shall live also."t But these words were 
 but hints, touches, and short visits, though very 
 sweet when present ; only they lasted not ; but, 
 like to Peter's sheet,t of a sudden were caught 
 up from me to heaven again. '^ 
 
 114. But afterwards the Lord did more fully 
 and graciously discover himself unto me : and, 
 indeed, did quite, not only deliver me from the 
 guilt that by these things was laid upon my 
 conscience, but also from the very filth thereof: 
 for the temptation was removed, and I was put 
 
 * Rom. viii. 31. t John xiv, 19. i Acts x. 16. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 57 
 
 into my right mind again, as other Christians 
 were. 
 
 115. I remember that one day, as I was tra- 
 velhng into the country, and musing on the 
 wickedness and blasphemy of my heart, and 
 considering the enmity that was in me to God, 
 that scripture came into my mind, " He hath 
 niade peace by the blood of his cross :"'* by 
 which I was made to see, both again and again, 
 that God and my soul were friends by his blood ; 
 yea, I saw that the justice of God, and my sin- 
 ful soul, could embrace and kiss each other, 
 through his blood. This was a good day to 
 me ; I hope I shall never forget it. 
 
 116. At another time, as I sat by the fire in 
 my house, and musing on my wretchedness, the 
 Lord made that also a precious word unto me : 
 " Forasmuch then as children are partakers of 
 the flesh and blood, he also himself likewise 
 took part of the same ; that through death he 
 might destroy him that had the power of death, 
 that is, the devil ; and deliver those who, through 
 the fear of death, were all their life subject to 
 bondage.! I thought that the glory of these 
 words was then so weighty on me, that I was 
 both once and twice ready to swoon as I sat ; 
 yet not with grief and trouble, but with solid 
 joy and peace. 
 
 117. At this time, also, I sat under tlie minis- 
 try of holy Mr. Gilford, whose doctrine, by God's 
 grace, was much for my stability. This man 
 made it much his business to deliver the people 
 
 * Col. i. 20. t Heb. ii. 14, 15. 
 
53 BUNYAN'S 
 
 of God from all those hard and unsound tests 
 that by nature we are prone to. He would bid 
 us take special heed that we took not up any 
 truth upon trust ; as from this, or that, or any 
 other man or men ; but cry mightily to God, 
 that he would convince us of the reality thereof, 
 and set us down therein by his own Spirit in 
 the holy word ; " For (said he) if you do other 
 w^se, when temptation comes, if strongly upon 
 you, you not having received them v/ith evidence 
 from Heaven, will find you want that help and 
 strength now to resist, that once you thought 
 you had." 
 
 118. This was as seasonable to my soul as 
 the " former and latter rains in their season ;" 
 for I had found, and that by sad experience, the 
 truth of these his w^ords (for I had felt no man 
 can say, especially when tempted by the devil, 
 " That Jesus Christ is Lord, but by the Holy 
 Ghost.") Wherefore I found my soul, through 
 grace, very apt to drink in this doctrine, and to 
 incline to pray to God, that in nothing that per- 
 tained to God's glory, and my own eternal hap- 
 piness, he would suffer me to be without the 
 confirmation thereof from heaven : for now I 
 saw clearly, there was an exceeding difference 
 betwixt the notion of the flesh and blood, and 
 the revelation of God in heaven : also a great 
 difference betwixt that faith that is feigned, and 
 according to man's wisdom, and that which 
 comes by a man's being " born thereto of God."* 
 
 119. But oh ! now, how was my soul led 
 
 * 1 John V. 1. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 59 
 
 from truth to truth by God ! Even from the 
 birth and cradle of the Son of God, to his ac- 
 cession, and second coming from heaven to 
 judge the world ! 
 
 120. Truly, I then found, upon this account, 
 the great God was very good unto me ; for, to 
 my remembrance, there was not any thing that 
 I then cried unto God to make known, and re- 
 veal unto me, but he was pleased to do it for 
 me ; I mean, not one part of the Gospel of the 
 Lord Jesus, but I w^as orderly led into it. Me- 
 thought I saw with great evidence, from the 
 four Evangelists, the wonderful works of God, 
 in giving Jesus Christ to save us, from his con- 
 ception and birth, even to his second coming to 
 judgment : Methought I Avas as if I had seen 
 him born, as if I had seen him grow up ; as if 
 I had seen him walk through this world, from 
 the cradle to the cross : to which also, when he 
 came, I saw how gently he gave himself to be 
 hanged, and nailed on it for my sins and wicked 
 doing. Also, as I was musing on this his pro- 
 gress, that dropped on my spirit : '• He was or- 
 dained for the slaughter."* 
 
 121. When I have considered also the truth 
 of his resurrection, and have remembered that 
 word, " Touch me not, Mary,"t &c., I have 
 seen as if he had leaped out of tlie grave's 
 mouth, for joy that he was risen again, and had 
 got the conquest over our dreadful foes. I have 
 also, in the spirit, seen him a man, on the right 
 hand of God the Father for me; and have seen 
 
 * 1 Pet. i. 19, 20. t John xx. 17- 
 
60 BUNYAN'S 
 
 the manner of his coming from heaven to 
 judge the world with glory, and have been con- 
 firmed in these things by these scriptures : Acts 
 i. 9, 10. and vii. 56. and x. 42. Heb. vii. 24. 
 and viii. 38. Rev. i. 18. 1 Thess. iv. 17, 18. 
 
 122. Once I was troubled to know whether 
 the Lord Jesus was man as well as God, and 
 God as well as man. And truly, in those days, 
 let men say what they would, unless I had it 
 with evidence from Heaven, all was nothing to 
 me ; I counted myself not set down in any 
 truth of God. Well, I was much troubled 
 about this point, and could not tell how to be 
 resolved ; at last, that in Rev. v. 6, came into 
 my mind ; " And I beheld, and lo, in the midst 
 of the throne, and of the four beasts, and in 
 the midst of the elders stood a lamb." — "In the 
 midst of the throne (thought I) there is the God- 
 head ; in the midst of the elders there is his 
 manhood : but, oh ! methought this did glister ! 
 It was a goodly touch, and gave me sweet satis- 
 faction. That other scripture* also did help me 
 much in this : " To us a Child is born, to us a 
 Son is given : and the government shall be 
 upon his shoulders : and his name shall be 
 called WONDERFUL, COUNSELLOR, THE 
 MIGHTY GOD, THE EVERLASTING 
 FATHER, THE PRINCE OF PEACE," &c. 
 
 123. Also besides these teachings of God in 
 his word, the Lord made use of two things to 
 confirm me in this truth ; the one was the errors 
 of the Quakers, and the other was the guilt of 
 
 * Isaiah ix. 6. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 61 
 
 sill : for as the Quakers did oppose the truth, so 
 God did the more confirm me in it, hy leading" 
 ine into the scripture that did wonderfully main- 
 tain it. 
 
 124. The errors that this people then main- 
 tained were, 
 
 1. That the Holy Scriptures were not the 
 word of God. 
 
 2. That every man in the world had the 
 Spirit of Christ, grace, faith, (fee. 
 
 3. That Christ Jesus, as crucified, and dying 
 sixteen hundred years ago, did not satisfy Di- 
 vine Justice for the sins of the people. 
 
 4. That Christ's flesh and blood was within 
 the saints. 
 
 5. That the bodies of the good and bad that 
 are buried in the church-yard shall not rise 
 again. 
 
 6. That the resurrection is past with good 
 men already. 
 
 7. That that man Jesus, that was crucified 
 between two thieves, on mount Calvary, in the 
 land of Canaan, by Judea, was not ascended 
 above the starry heavens. 
 
 8. That he should not, even the same Jesus 
 that died by the hands of the Jews, come 
 again at the last day ; and as man, judge all 
 nations, (fee. 
 
 125. Many more vile and abominable things 
 were in those days fomented by them ; by which 
 I was driven to a more narrow search of the 
 Scriptures, and was, through their light and tes- 
 timony, not only enlightened, but greatly con* 
 
 6 
 
62 BUNYAN'S 
 
 firmed and comforted in the truth. And, as I 
 said, the guilt of sin did help me much: for 
 still as that would come upon me, the blood of 
 Christ did take it off again, and again, and again ; 
 and that too sweetly, according to the Scripture. 
 
 friends ! cry to God to reveal Jesus Christ unto 
 you ; there is none teacheth like Him. 
 
 126. It would be too long here to stay, to 
 tell you in particular, how God did set me down 
 in all the things of Christ, and how he did, 
 that he might do so, lead me into his words : 
 yea, and also how he did open them unto me, 
 and make them shine before me, and cause 
 them to dwell with me, talk with me, and com- 
 fort me over and over, both of his own being, 
 and the being of his Son, and Spirit, and word, 
 and gospel. 
 
 127. Only this, as I said before, I will say 
 unto you again, that in general, he was pleased 
 to take this course with me ; — first, to suffer me 
 to be afflicted with temptations concerning 
 them, and then reveal them unto me: as some- 
 times I should he under great guilt for shi, even 
 crushed to the ground therewith ; and then the 
 Lord would show me the death of Christ : yea, 
 so besprinkle my conscience with his blood, that 
 
 1 should find, and that before I was aware, that 
 in that conscience, Avhere but just now did 
 reign and rage the Law, even there would rest 
 and abide the peace and love of God, through 
 Christ. 
 
 128. Now I had an evidence, as I thought, 
 of my salvation from Heaven, with many 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 63 
 
 golden seals tliereon, all hanging in my sight. 
 Now could I remember this manifestation, and 
 the otlier discovery of grace, with comfort ; and 
 would often long and desire that the last day 
 were come, that I might be for ever inflamed 
 with the sight, and joy, and communion with 
 Him, whose head was crowned with thorns, 
 whose face was spit upon, and body broken, 
 and soul made an offering for my sins. For 
 whereas before I lay continually trembling at 
 the mouth of hell ; now methought I was got 
 so far therefrom, that when I looked back, I 
 could scarce discern it ; " And oh ! (thought I) 
 that I were fourscore years old now, that I 
 might die quickly, that my soul might be gone 
 to rest !" 
 
 129. But before I had got thus far out of 
 these my temptations, I did greatly long to see 
 some ancient godly man's experience, who had 
 v/rit some hundred of years before I was born ; 
 for those who had v»'rit in our days, I thought 
 (but I desire them now to pardon me) that they 
 had writ only that which others felt ; or else 
 had. through the strength of their wits and 
 parts, studied to answer such objections as they 
 perceived others were perplexed with, without 
 going down themselves into the deep. iWell, 
 after many such longings in my mind, the God, 
 in whose hands are all our days and ways, did 
 cast into my hand (one day) a book of Martin 
 Luther's ; it was his Comment on the Gala- 
 tians ; it also was so old that it was ready to 
 fall piece from piece if I did but turn it over. 
 
64 BUNYANS 
 
 Now I was pleased much that such an old book 
 had fallen into my hands ; the which when i 
 had but a little way perused, I found my condi- 
 tion in his experience so largely and profoundly 
 handled, as if his book had been written out of 
 my heart. This made me marvel ; for thus 
 thouglii I, •' This man could not know any 
 thing of the state of Christians now, but must 
 needs write and speak the experience of former 
 days." 
 
 130. Besides, he doth most gravely also, in 
 that book, debate of the rise of these tempta- 
 tions, namely, blasphemy, desperation, and the 
 like ; showing that the law of Moses, as well 
 as the devil, death, and hell, hath a very great 
 hand therein ; the which, at first, was very 
 strange to me ; but considering and watching, 
 I found it so indeed. But of particulars here I 
 intend nothing ; only this methinks I must let 
 fall before all men, I do prefer this book of 
 Martin Luther upon the Galatians (excepting 
 the holy bible) before all the books that ever I 
 have seen, as most fit for a wounded conscience. 
 
 131. And now I found, as I thought, that I 
 loved Christ dearly : oh ! methought my soul 
 cleaved unto him, my afiections cleaved unto 
 him ; I felt my love to him as hot as fire ; and 
 now, as Job said, I thought I sliould die in my 
 nest :* but I did quickly find that my great 
 love was but too little ; and that I who had, as 
 I thought, such burning love to Jesus Christ, 
 could let him go again for a very trifle : — God 
 
 * Job xxix. 18, 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 65 
 
 can tell how to abase us, and can hide pride 
 from man. Quickly after tliis, my love was 
 tried to purpose. 
 
 132. For after the Lord had in this manner 
 thus graciously delivered me from this great and 
 sore temptation, and had set me down so sweetly 
 in the faith of his holy gospel, and had given 
 me such strong consolation and blessed evidence 
 from heaven, touching my interest in his love 
 through Christ, the tempter came upon me 
 again, and that with a more grievous and 
 dreadful temptation than before. 
 
 133. And that was, " To sell and part with 
 this most blessed Christ, to exchange him for 
 the things of this life for any thing." The 
 temptation lay upon me for the space of a year, 
 and did follow me so continually, that I was 
 not rid of it one day in a month ; no, not some- 
 times one hour in many days together, unless 
 wlien I was asleep. 
 
 134. And though in my judgment I was per- 
 suaded, that those who were once effectually in 
 Christ (as I hoped, through his grace, I had 
 seen myself), I could never lose him for ever 
 (" For the land shall not be sold for ever, for 
 the land is mine,"* saith God), yet it was a con- 
 tinual vexation to me to think that I should have 
 so much as one such thought within me against 
 a Christ ! a Jesus ! that had done for me as he 
 had done, and yet then I had almost none 
 others but such blasphemous ones. 
 
 135. But it was neither my dislike of the 
 
 * Lev. XXV. 23. 
 
 6* 
 
66 BUNYAN'S 
 
 thought, nor yet any desire and endeavour to 
 resist it, tiiat in the least did shake or abate the 
 continuation or force and strength thereof; for 
 it did always, in almost whatever I thought, 
 intermix itself therewith in such sort, that I 
 could neither eat my food, stoop for a pin, chop 
 a stick, nor cast mine eye to look on this or that, 
 but still the temptation would come : " Sell 
 Christ for this, or sell Christ for that ; sell him, 
 sell him." 
 
 136. Sometimes it would run in my thoughts, 
 not so little as a hundred times together, " Sell 
 him, sell him, sell him !" Against which, I may 
 say, for whole hours together, I have been forced 
 to stand as continually leaning and forcing my 
 spirit against it, lest haply, before I were aware, 
 some wicked thought might arise in my heart 
 that might consent thereto, and sometimes the 
 tempter would make me believe I had consented 
 to it ; but then I should be as tortured upon a 
 rack for whole da3^s together. 
 
 137. This temptation did put me to such 
 scares, lest I should at some times, I say, con- 
 sent thereto, and be overcome therewith ; that 
 by the very force of my mind, in labouring to 
 gainsay and resist this wickedness, my very 
 body would be put into action or motion by 
 way of pushing or thrusting with my hands or 
 elbows ; still answering (as fast as the destroyer 
 said " Sell liim") '• I will not, I will not, I will 
 not, no, not for thousands, thousands, thousands 
 of worlds :" thus reckoning, lest I should, in 
 the midst of these assaults, set too low d value 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING, 67 
 
 on him, even until I scarce well knew where I 
 was or how to be composed again. 
 
 138. At these seasons he would not let me 
 eat ray food at quiet ; but, forsooth, when I was 
 set at the table at any meat, I must go hence 
 to pray, I must leave my food now, and just 
 now, so counterfeit holy also would this devil 
 be. When I was thus tempted, I would say in 
 myself, " Now I am at meat, let me make an 
 end." '' No (said he,) you must do it now, or 
 you will displease God and despise Christ." 
 Wherefore I was much afflicted with these 
 things ; and because of the sinfulness of my 
 nature (imagining that these were impulses 
 from God.) I should deny to do it, as if I denied 
 God, and then should I not be as guilty, be- 
 cause 1 did not obey a temptation of the devil, 
 as if I had broken the law of God indeed. 
 
 139. But to be brief: one morning as I did 
 lie in my bed, I was, as at other times, most 
 fiercely assaulted with this temptation, " To 
 sell and part with Christ ;" the wicked sugges- 
 tion still running in my mind, " Sell him, sell 
 him, sell him, sell him," as fast as a man could 
 speak ; against which also, in my mind, as at 
 other times, I answered, " No, no, not for thou- 
 sands, thousands, thousands," at least twenty 
 times together : but at last, after much striving, 
 even until I was almost out of breath, I felt this 
 thouglit.pass through my heart, "Let him go, 
 if he will ;" and I thought also that I felt my 
 heart freely consent thereto. Oh, the diligence 
 
68 BUNYAN'S 
 
 of Satan ! Oh, the desperateness of man's 
 heart ! 
 
 140. Now was the battle won, and down fell 
 I as a bird that is shot from the top of a tree, 
 into great guilt and fearful despair. Thus get- 
 ting out of my bed, I went moping into the field, 
 but God knows with as heavy a heart as mortal 
 man, I think, could bear ; where for the space 
 of two hours I was like a man bereft of life, and 
 as now past all recovery, and bound over to 
 eternal punishment. 
 
 141. And withal that scripture did seize upon 
 my soul : — " Or profane person, as Esau, who 
 for one morsel of meat sold his birthright ; for 
 ye know how that afterwards when he would 
 have inherited the blessing, he was rejected, for 
 he found no place of repentance, though he 
 sought it carefully with tears.'"* 
 
 142. Now was I as one bound ; I felt myself 
 shut up unto the judgment to come ; nothing 
 now, for two years together, would abide with 
 me but damnation and an expectation of dam- 
 nation : I say nothing now would abide with 
 me but this, save some few moments for relief, 
 as in the sequel you will see. 
 
 143. These words were to my soul like fetters 
 of brass to my legs ; in the continual sound of 
 which I went for several months together. But 
 about ten or eleven o'clock on that day, as I 
 was walking under a hedge (full of sorrow and 
 guilt, God knows) and bemoaning myself for 
 this hard hap, that such a thought should arise 
 
 * Heb. xii. 16. IT. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDIXG. 69 ^' 
 
 within me ; suddenly this sentence rushed in 
 upon nie, "The blood of Christ remits all guilt." 
 At this I made a stand in ixiy spirit ; with that 
 this word took hold upon me, " The blood of 
 Jesus Christ hi^ own Son cleanseth us from all 
 sin."* 
 
 144. Now I began to conceive peace in my 
 soul, and methought I saw as if the tempter did 
 leer and steal away from me, as being ashamed 
 of what he had done. At the same time also 
 I had my sin and the blood of Christ thus repre- 
 sented to me — That my sin, when compared to 
 the blood of Christ, was no more to it, than this 
 little clod or stone before me is to this vast and 
 wide field that here I see. — This gave me good 
 encoura,gement for the space of two or three 
 hours, in which time also methought I saw, by 
 faith, the Son of God as suffering for my sins : — 
 but because it tarried not, I therefore sunk in 
 my spirit under exceeding guilt again. 
 
 145. But chiefly by the aforementioned scrip- 
 ture concerning Esau's selUng of his biithright ; 
 for that scripture would lie all day long in my 
 mind, and hold me down, so that I could by no 
 means lift up myself; for when I would strive 
 to turn to this scripture or that for relief, still 
 that sentence would be sounding in me — " For 
 ye know how that afterwards, when he would 
 have inherited the blessing, he found no place 
 of repentance, though he sought it carefully 
 with tears.'' 
 
 146. Sometimes, indeed, I should have a 
 
 * 1 John 17. \ 
 
70 BUNYAN'S 
 
 touch from that in Luke,* " I have prayed for 
 thee, that thy faith fail not ; but it would not 
 abide upon me, neither could I, indeed, when I 
 considered my state, find ground to conceive in 
 the least that there should be the root of that 
 grace in me, having sinned as I had done. Now 
 was I tore and rent in a heavy case for many 
 days together. 
 
 147. Then began I, with sad and careful 
 heart, to consider of the nature and largeness 
 of my sin, and to search into the word of God, 
 if I could in any place espy a word of promise, 
 or any encouraging sentence by which I might 
 take relief Wherefore I began to consider that 
 of Mark,t "All manner of sins and blasphemies 
 shall be forgiven unto the sons of men where- 
 with soever they shall blaspheme.'' Which 
 place, methought, at a blush, did contain a 
 large and glorious promise for the pardon of 
 high offences : but, considering the place more 
 fully, I thought it was rather to be imderstood 
 as relating more chiefly to those who had, while 
 in a natural estate, committed such things as 
 there are mentioned ; but not to me, who had 
 not only received light and mercy, but that had 
 both after, and also contrary to that, so shghted 
 Christ as I had done. 
 
 148. I feared, therefore, that this wicked sin 
 of mine might be that sin unpardonable, of 
 which he there thus speaketh -.1 "But he that 
 shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath 
 
 * Chap. xxii. ver. 32. t Chap. iii. ver. 28. 
 
 ; Verse 29. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 7.1 
 
 never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal 
 damnation." And I did the rather give credit 
 to this, because of that sentence in the Hebrews : 
 ••For you know how that afterwards, when he 
 would have inherited the blessing, he was re- 
 jected ; for he found no place of repentance, 
 though he sought it carefully with tears." And 
 this stuck always with me. 
 
 149. And now was I both a burden and a 
 terror to myself ; nor did I ever so know, as now, 
 what it was to be weary of my life, and yet 
 afraid to die. Oh ! how gladly now would I 
 have been any body but myself ! any thing but 
 a man ! and in any condition but my own ! for 
 there was nothing did pass more frequently over 
 my mind than that it was impossible for me to 
 be forgiven my transgression, and to be saved 
 from the w^rath to come. 
 
 150. And now I began to labour to call again 
 time that was past, wishing a thousand times 
 twice told that the day was yet to come when 
 I should be tempted to such a sin, concluding 
 with great indignation, both against my heart 
 and all assaults, how I would rather be torn in 
 pieces than be found a consenter thereto. But 
 alas ! these thoughts and wishings, and resolv- 
 ings, were now too late to help me : this thougnt 
 had passed Vny heart, " God hath let me go, 
 and I am fallen." '• Oh ! (thought I) that it 
 was with me as in months past, as in the days 
 when God preserved me !"* 
 
 151. Then again, being loath and unwilhng 
 
 * Job xxix, 2. 
 
72 BUNYANS 
 
 to perish, I began to compare my sin with 
 others, to see if I could find that any of those 
 that were saved had done as I had done. So I 
 considered David's adultery and murder, and 
 found them most heinous crimes, and those too 
 committed after light and grace received ; but 
 yet by considering that his transgressions were 
 only such as were against the law of Moses. 
 from which the Lord Christ could, with the 
 consent of his v/ord, deliver him : but mine was 
 against gospel, yea, against the mediator thereof: 
 I had sold my Saviour. 
 
 152. Now again should I be as if racked 
 upon the wheel, when I considered that, besides 
 the guilt that possessed me, I should be so void 
 of grace, so bewitched ! " What ! (thought I) 
 must it be no sin but this ? Must it needs be 
 the great transgression ?* Must that wicked 
 one touch my soul ?"t Oh ! what sting did I 
 find in all these sentences ! 
 
 1.153. "What! (thought I) is there but one 
 sin that is unpardonable ? but one sin that lay- 
 eth the soul without the reach of God's mercy ? 
 and must I be guilty of that ? must it needs be 
 that ? Is there but one sin among so many 
 millions of sins, for which there is no forgive- 
 ness ; and must I commit this ? Oh ! unhappy 
 man !" These things would so break and con- 
 found my spirit, that I could not tell what to do ; 
 I thought at times they would have broke my 
 wits ; and still, to aggravate my misery, that 
 would run in my mind. '• You know how, that 
 ♦ Psalm xix. 13, t 1 John v. 18. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 73 
 
 afterwards, when be would have inherited the 
 blessing, he was rejected." Oh ! no one knows 
 the terrors of tliose days but myself. 
 
 154. After this I began to consider of Peter's 
 sin, which he committed in denying his Master: 
 and indeed, this came nighest to mine of any 
 that I could find ; for he had denied his Sa- 
 viour, as I, after light and mercy received ; yea, 
 and that too after warning given him. I also 
 considered that he did it once and twice, and 
 that after time to consider betwixt. — But though 
 I put all these circumstances together, that, if 
 possible, I might find help ; yet I considered 
 again, that his was but a denial of his Master, 
 but mine was a selling of my Saviom-. Where- 
 fore I thought with myself that I came nearer 
 to Judas than either to David or Peter. 
 
 1.55. Here, again, my torment would flame 
 out and afi^ict me, yea, it would grind me as it 
 w^ere to powder, to consider the preservation of 
 God towards others while I fell into the snare ; 
 for, in my thus considering of other men's sins, 
 and comparing of them with mine own, I could 
 evidently see God preserved them, notwithstand- 
 ing their wickedness, and w^ould not let them, 
 as he had let me, become a son of perdition. 
 
 156. But oh ! how did my soul at this time 
 prize the preservation that God did set about his 
 people ! Ah, how safely did I see them walk 
 whom God had hedged in ! They were within 
 Ids care, protection, and special providence, 
 though they were full as bad as I by nature ; 
 yet, "because God loved them, he would not 
 7 
 
74 BUNYAN'S 
 
 suffer them to fall without the range of mercy ; 
 hut as for me, I was gone, I had done it ] he 
 would not preserve me, nor keep me, but suf- 
 fered me, because I was a reprobate, to fall as 
 i had done. Now did tliose blessed places 
 that spefak of God's keeping his people shine 
 like the sun before me ; though not to comfort 
 me, yet to show me the blessed state and herit 
 age of those whom the Lord had blessed. 
 
 157. Nov/ I saw tliat as God had his hand 
 in all the providences and dispensations that 
 overtook his elect, so he had his hand in all the 
 temptations that they had to sin against him ; 
 not to animate them to wickedness, but to 
 choose their temptations and troubles for them, 
 and also to leave them for a time to such things 
 only that might not destro}^, but Inunble them, 
 as might not put them beyond, but lay them in 
 the way of the renewing his mercy. But oh ! 
 what love, what care, what kindness and mercy 
 did I now see mixing itself with the most se- 
 vere and dreadful of all God's ways to his 
 people ! He would let David, Hezekiah, Solo- 
 mon, Peter, and others, fall : but he would not 
 let them fall into the sin unpardonable, nor into 
 hell for sin. O ! (thought I) these be the men 
 that God had loved ; these be the men that 
 God, though he chastiseth them, keeps them in 
 safety by him ; and them whom he makes to 
 abide under the shadow of the Almighty." But 
 all these thoughts added sorrow, grief, and 
 horror to me ; as whatever I now thought on, 
 it was killing to me. If I thought how God 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 75 
 
 ke])t his own, that was kiUing to me ; if I 
 thought of how I was fallen myself, that was 
 killing to me. As all thuigs wrought together 
 for the best, and to do good to them that were 
 the called, according to God's purpose; so I 
 thought that all things wrought for damage, 
 and for my eternal overthrow. 
 
 158. Then, again, I began to compare my 
 sin with the sin of Judas, that, if possible, I 
 mis-ht find if mine diffei-ed from that, which in 
 truth is unpardonable: and "Oh! (thought I) if 
 it should ditfer from it, though but the breadth of a 
 hair, what a happy condition is my soul in !"' 
 And by considering, I found that Judas did this 
 intentionally, but mine was against prayer and 
 strivings; be:"....-!, his was commitred with 
 much deliberation, but mine in a fearful hurry, 
 on a sudden. All this while I was tossed to 
 and fro like the locust, and driven from trouble 
 to sorrow, hearing always the sound of Esau's 
 fall in mine ears, and the dreadful consequences 
 thereof. 
 
 159. Yet this consideration about Judas's sin 
 was, for a while, some httle relief to me ; for I 
 saw I had not, as to the circumstances, trans- 
 gressed so fully as he. But this was quickly 
 gone again, for I thought with myself there 
 might be more ways than one to conunit this 
 unpardonable sin ; also I thought there might 
 be degrees of that, as well as of other trans- 
 gressions ; wherefore, for aught I yet could per- 
 ceive, this iniquity of mine might be such as 
 might never be passed by. 
 
76 BUNYAN'S 
 
 160. I was often now ashamed that I should 
 be Hke such an ugly man as Judas : I thought 
 also how loathsome I should be unto all the 
 saints in the day of judgment ; insomuch that 
 now I could scarce see a good man, that I be- 
 lieved had a good conscience, but I should feel 
 my heart tremble at him while I was in his 
 presence. Oh ! now I saw a glor}^ in walking 
 with God, and what a mercy it was to have a 
 good conscience before him. 
 
 161. I was, much about that time, tempted 
 to content myself by receiving some false opin- 
 ions ; as, that there should be no such thing as 
 a day of judgment ; that we should not rise 
 again ; and that sin was no such grievous 
 thing : the tempter suggesting thus, " For if 
 these things should indeed be true, yet to believe 
 otherwise would yield you ease for the present. 
 If you must perish, never torment yourself so 
 much beforehand : drive the thoughts of damn- 
 ing out of your miud, by possessing your mind 
 with some such conclusions that atheists and 
 ranters use to help themselves withal." 
 
 162. But, oh ! when such thoughts have led 
 through my heart, how, as it were, within a 
 step, hath death and judgment been in my 
 view ! Methought the Judge stood at the door : 
 I was as if it was come already, so that such 
 things could have no entertainment. But me- 
 thinks I see by this that Satan will use any 
 means to keep the soul from Christ ; he loveth 
 not an awakened frame of spirit; security. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 77 
 
 blindness, and error, is the very kingdom and 
 habitation of the wicked one. 
 
 163. I found it a hard work now to pray to 
 God, because despair was swallowing me up ; I 
 thought I waS; as with a tempest, driven away 
 from God ; for always when I cried to God for 
 mercy, this would come in, " 'Tis too late ; I 
 am lost ; God iiath let me fall, — not to my cor- 
 rection, but my condemnation : my sin is un- 
 pardonable ; and I know, concerning Esau, 
 how that, after he had sold his birthright, he 
 would have received the blessing, but was re- 
 jected." About this time I did light on that 
 dreadful story of that miserable mortal, Francis 
 Spira ; a book that was to my troubled spirit 
 as salt when rubbed into a fresh wound : every 
 sentence in that book, every groan of that man, 
 with all the rest of his actions in his dolours, as 
 his tears, his prayers, his gnashing of teeth, his 
 wringing of hands, his twisting, and languish- 
 ing, and pining away under that mighty hand 
 of God that was upon him, were as knives and 
 daggers in my soul ; especially that sentence of 
 his was frightful to me, " oMan knows the be- 
 ginning of sin, but who bounds the issues 
 thereof?" Then would the former sentence, as 
 the conclusion of all, fall like a hot thunderbolt 
 again upon my conscience, " For you know 
 how that afterwards, when he would have in- 
 herited the blessing, he was rejected ; for he 
 found no place of repentance, though he sought 
 it carcfuUy with tears." 
 
 164. Then would I be struck into a very 
 
 7* 
 
78 BUNY.4?^'S 
 
 great trembling, insomuch that at sometimes I 
 could, for whole days together, feel my very 
 bod}^, as well as my mind, to shake and totter 
 under the sense of this dreadful judgment of 
 God, that would fall on those that have sinned 
 that most fearful and unpardonable sin. I felt 
 also such a clogging and heat at my stomach 
 by reason of this my terror, that I was, especially 
 at some times, as if my breast-bone would split 
 asunder : then I thought concerning that of 
 Judas, who, '• by his falling headlong, burst 
 asunder, and all his bowels gushed out."* 
 
 165. I feared also that this was the mark that 
 God did set on Cain, — even continual fear and 
 trembling, under the heavy load of gu iit that he 
 had charged on him for the blood of his brother 
 Abel. Thus did I wind, and twine, and shrink 
 under the burthen that was upon me ; which 
 burthen did also so oppress me, that I could 
 neither stand, nor go, nor lie either at rest or 
 quiet. 
 
 166. Yet that saying w^ould sometimes come 
 into my mind, " He hath received gifts for tlie 
 rebeUious."t " The rebellious ! (thought I.) 
 Why surely they are such as once were under 
 subjection to their prince ; even those who, after 
 they have once sworn subjection to his govern- 
 ment, have taken up arms against him ; and 
 this (thought I) is my very condition : I once 
 loved him, feared him, served him ; but now I 
 am a rebel ; I have sold him ; I have said. Let 
 
 * Acts i. 18. t Psalm Ixviii. 8. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 79 
 
 him go if he will : but yet he has gifts for rebels ; 
 and then why not for me ?'' 
 
 167. This sometimes I thought on, and 
 would labour to take hold thereof, that some, 
 though small, refreshment, might have been 
 conceived by me : but in this also I missed of 
 my desire ; I was driven with force beyond it ; 
 I was like a man going to execution, even by 
 that place where he would fain creep in and 
 hide himself, but may not. 
 
 1G8. Ao-ain, after I had thus considered the 
 sins of the saints in particular, and found mine 
 went beyond them, then I began to think with 
 myself, Set the case I should put all theirs to- 
 crether, and mine alone against them ; might I 
 not then find encouragement? for if mine, 
 thou2:h bi<i:ger than any one, should yet be but 
 equal to all, then there"'is hopes ; for that blood 
 that liath virtue enough in it to wash away all J. \ ^ 
 -Hheirs, hath virtue enough in it to wash away / \ 
 mine, though this one be full as big, if not j^ 
 bi2:ger than all theirs. Here again I would con- 
 sidei- the sin of David, of Solomon, of Manas- 
 seh, of Peter, and the rest of the great oireiid- 
 ers ; ajid would also labour, what I might with 
 fairness, to aggravate and heighten their sins 
 by several circumstances. 
 
 109. I would think with myself, that David 
 shed l)lood to cover bis adultery, and that by 
 the sword of the children of Amnion ; a work 
 that could not be done but by contrivance, 
 which was a great asrgravation to his sin. But 
 then this would turn\ipon me, " Ah ! but these 
 
80 BUNYAN'S 
 
 were but sins against the law, from whicli there 
 was a Jesus sent to save them ; but yours is a 
 sin ag-ainst the Saviour, and who shall save you 
 fromlhat?" x 
 
 170. Then 1 thought on Solomon, and how 
 he sinned in loving strange women, in falling 
 away to tlieir idols, in building them temples, 
 in doing this after light, in his old age, after 
 great mercy received ; but the same conclusion 
 that cut me oif in the former consideration, cut 
 me off as to this, namely, that all those were 
 but sins against the law, for which God had 
 provided a remedy ; but I had sold my Sa- 
 viour, and there remained no more sacrifice for 
 sin 
 
 171. I would then add to these men's sins 
 the sins of Manasseh ; how that he built altars 
 for idols in the house of the Lord ; he also ob- 
 served times, used enchantments, had to do w4th 
 wizards, was a wizard, had his familiar spirits, 
 burned his children in the fire in sacrifice to 
 devils, and made the streets of Jerusalem run 
 down with the blood of innocents. " These 
 (thought I) are great sins, sins of a bloody 
 colour ;" but yet it would turn again upon me, 
 " They are none of them of the nature of yours ; 
 you have parted with Jesus, you have sold your 
 Saviour." 
 
 172. This one consideration would always 
 kill my heart ; my sin was point l^lank against 
 my Saviour ; and that too at that height, that 
 1 had in my heart said of him, " Let him go if 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 81 
 
 he will." Oh ! melhought this sin was bigger 
 than the sins of a country, of a kingdom, or of 
 the whole world, no one pardonable, nor all of 
 them together was able to equal mine ; mine 
 outwent them every one. 
 
 173. Now I should find my mind to flee from 
 God, as from the face of a dreadful judge ; yet 
 this was my torment, I could not escape his 
 hand : ('• It is a fearful thing to fall into the 
 hands of the living God.")* But, blessed be his 
 grace, that scripture, in these flying fits, would 
 call, as running after me, " I have blotted out, 
 as a thick cloud, thy transgressions, and as a 
 cloud, thy sins : return unto me, for I have re- 
 deemed thee."t This, I say, would come in 
 upon my mind, when I was fleeing from the 
 face of God, for I did flee from his face ; that is, 
 my mind and spirit fled before him, by reason 
 of his highness, I could not endure : then would 
 the text cry, " Return unto me ;" it would cry 
 aloud with a very great voice, '• Return unto 
 me, for I have redeemed thee." Indeed, this 
 would make me make a little stop, and, as it 
 were, look over my shoulder behind me, to see 
 if I could discern that the God of grace did fol- 
 low me with a pardon in his hand : but I could 
 no sooner do that, but all would be clouded and 
 darkened again by that sentence, " For you 
 know how that afterwards, when he Vv'ould have 
 inherited the blessing, he found no place of re- 
 pentance, though he sought it carefully with- 
 tears." Wherefore I could not refrain, but fled, 
 ♦ Hcb. X. 1. + Isaiah xliv. 2-2. 
 
'82 BUNYAN'S 
 
 though at sometimes it cried, " Return, return/' 
 as it did halloo after me ; but I feared to close 
 in therewith, lest it should not come from God ; 
 for that other, as I said, was still sounding in 
 my conscience, " For you know that afterwards, 
 when he would have inherited the blessing, he 
 w^as rejected," and so forth. 
 
 174. Once as I was walking to and fro in a 
 good man's shop, bemoaning of myself in my 
 sad and doleful state, afflicting myself with self- 
 abhorrence for this wicked and ungodly thought ; 
 lamenting also this hard hap of mine that I 
 should commit so great a sin, greatly fearing 
 that I should not be pardoned ; praying also in 
 my heart, that if this sin of mine did differ from 
 that against the Holy Ghost, the Lord would 
 show it me ; and being now ready to sink with 
 fear, suddenly there was, as if there had rushed 
 in at the window, the noise of wind upon me, 
 but very pleasant, and as if I heard a voice 
 speaking, " Didst thou ever refuse to be justified 
 by the blood of Christ ?" and withal, my whole 
 life of profession past v;as in a moment opened 
 to me, w^herein I was made to see that design- 
 edly I had not : so my lieart answered groan- 
 >ngly, " No." Then fell, wdth powder, that word 
 of God upon me, " See that ye refuse not Him 
 that speaketh."* This made a strange seizure 
 upon my spirit ; it brought hght with it, and 
 commanded a silence in my heart of all those 
 tumultuous thoughts that did before use, like 
 masterless hell-hounds, to roar and bellow, and 
 
 * Heb. xii. 25, 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 83 
 
 make a hideous noise within me. It showed 
 ine also, that Jesus Christ had 3^et a word of 
 grace and mercy for me ; that he had not, as T 
 had feared, quite forsaken and cast off my soul : 
 yea, this was a kind of check for my proneness 
 to desperation, a kind of threatening- of me, if 
 I did not, notwithstanding my sins, and the 
 heinousness of them, venture ni}' salvation upon 
 the Son of God. But as to m}^ determining 
 ahout this strange dispensation, what it was, I 
 know not ; or from wlience it came, I know 
 not : I have not yet in twenty years time heen 
 able to make a judgment of it ; "I thought 
 then what here I should be loath to speak." 
 But verily that sudden rushing wnnd was as if 
 an angel had come upon me ; but both it and 
 the salvation I will leave until the day of judg- 
 ment ; only thiis I say, it commanded a great 
 calm in my soul ; it persuaded me there might 
 be hope ; it showed me, as I thought, what the 
 sin unpardonable was, and that my soul had 
 yet the blessed privilege to flee to Jesus Christ 
 for mercy. But I say, concerning this dispen- 
 sation, 1 know not wdiat to say unto it yet ; 
 which was also, in truth, tlie cause tliat at first 
 I did not speak of it in the book ; I do now 
 also leave it to be thought on by men of sound 
 judgment. I lay not the stress of my salvation 
 thereupon, but upon the Lord Jesus in the pro- 
 mise ; yet seeing I am here unfolding of my 
 secret things, I thought it might not be alto- 
 gether inexpedient to let this also show itself, 
 thouofh I cannot now relate the matter as there 
 
84 BUNYAN'S 
 
 I did experience it. This lasted, in the favour 
 of it, for about three or four days, and then 1 
 began to mistrust and to despair again. 
 
 175. Wherefore still my life hung in doubt 
 before me, and knowing which way 1 should 
 go ; only this I found my soul desire, even to 
 cast itself at the foot of grace, by prayer and 
 supplication. But oh ! 'twas hard for me noAv 
 to have the face to pray to this Christ for mercy, 
 against whom I had thus vilely sinned : 'twas 
 hard work, I say, to oiler to look him in the 
 face, against whom I had so vilely sinned ; and 
 indeed I have found it as difficult to come to 
 God by prayer, after backsliding froin him, as 
 to do any other thing. Oh ! the sbame that 
 did now attend me ! especially when I thought 
 " I am now a-going to pray to him for mercy, 
 that I had so lightly esteemed but a while be- 
 fore !" I was ashamed, yea, even confounded ; 
 because this villany had been committed by me. 
 But I saw that there was but one way with me ; 
 I must go to him, and humble myself unto him, 
 and beg that he, of his wonderful mercy, would 
 show pity to me, and have mere}' upon my 
 wretched sinful soul. 
 
 176. Vy'hich when the tempter perceived, he 
 strongly suggested to me, " Tbat I ought not 
 to pray to God, for prayer was not for any in 
 my case, neitlier could it do me good, because 
 I had rejected the Mediator, ])y whom all prayers 
 came with acceptance to God tlie Father ; and 
 without whom no prayer could come into his 
 presence : wherefore now to pray is but to add 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 85 
 
 sin to sill ; 3^ea) now to pray, seeing God has 
 cast you off, is the next way to anger and offend 
 him more than you ever did before. 
 
 177. '' For God (saith he) hatli been weary 
 of you for these several years ah-eady, because 
 you are none of his ; your bawling in his ears 
 hath been no pleasant voice to him, and there- 
 fore he let you sin in this sin, that you might 
 be quite cut off ; and will you pray still ?" 
 This the devil urged and set forth, that in 
 Numbers, when Moses said to the children of 
 Israel, ** " That because they would not go up 
 to possess the land when God v/ould liave them, 
 tlierefore for ever he did bar them out from 
 tbence, though tliey prayed they might with 
 tears.'' 
 
 178. As it is said in another place,! "The 
 man that sins presumptuously shall be taken 
 from God's altar, that he may die f even as 
 Joab was by king Solomon, t when he thought 
 to find shelter there. These places did pinch 
 me very sore, yet, my case being desperate, I 
 thought with myself, " I can but die ; and if it 
 must be so, it shall once be said, that such an 
 one died at the foot of Christ in prayer." This 
 1 did, but with great difficulty God doth know, 
 and that because, together with this, still that 
 saying about Esau would be set at my heart 
 even like a flaming sword, to keep the way of 
 the tree of life, lest I should take thereof and 
 
 ♦ Numb. xiv. 30) &c. t Exod. xxi. 14. 
 
 X 1 Kings ii. 28, &c. 
 
 8 
 
88 BUNYAN'S 
 
 live. Oh ! who knows how hard a thing I 
 found it to come to God in pra3^er ! 
 
 179. I did also desire the prayers of the peo- 
 ple of God for me. but I feared tliat God would 
 give them no heart to do it : yea. I trembled in 
 my soul to think, that some or other of them 
 woidd shortly tell me, that God hath said those 
 words to them that he once did say to the pro- 
 phet concerning the children of Israel, ' Pray 
 not for this people, for I have rejected them.'* 
 So, 'Pray not for him, for I have rejected him.' 
 Yea, I thought that he had whic^^pered this to 
 some of them already, only they durst not tell 
 me so, neither durst I ask them of it, for fear it 
 should be so, it would make me quite beside 
 myself ' Man knows the beginning of sin (said 
 Spira :) but who bounds (he issues thereof?' 
 
 180. About this time I took an opportunity 
 to break my mind to an ancient Christian, and 
 told him all my case ; I told him also that I 
 was afraid that I had sinned the sin against 
 the Holy Gho.?t, and he told me he thought so 
 too. Here, therefore, I had but cold comfort; 
 but talking a little more vdth him, I found him, 
 though a good man, a stranger to much com- 
 bat with tliC devil. Wherefore I went to God 
 again, as well as I could, for mercy still. 
 
 181. Now also did the tempter begin to mock 
 me in my misery, saying, ' That seeing I had 
 thus parted with the Lord Jesus, and piovoked 
 him to displeasure, who would have stood be- 
 tween my soul and the flame of devouring fire, 
 
 * Jer. xi. 14. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDIXG. 87 
 
 there was now but one way, and that Avas to 
 pray tliat God the Father would be a Mediator 
 betwixt his Son and me ; that he would be re- 
 conciled again, and that I might have tliat 
 blessed benefit in him, tliat his saints enjoyed." 
 
 182. Then did that scripture* seize upon my 
 soul, ' He is of one mind, and who can turn 
 him V Oh ! I saw it was as easy to persuade 
 him to make a new world, a new covenant, or 
 a new bible, besides that we have already, as 
 to pray for such a thing. This was to per- 
 suade him, that what he had done already was 
 mere folly, and persuade him to alter, yea, to 
 disannul the whole way of salvation. And 
 then would that saying rend my soul asunder : 
 'Neither is there salvation in any other, for 
 there is none other name under heaven given 
 among men, whereby we must be saved.'* 
 
 183^ Now the most free, and full, and gracious 
 words of the gospel were the greatest torment 
 to me ; yea, nothing so afflicted me as the 
 thoughts of Jesus Christ, the remembrance of 
 a Saviour, because I had cast him off, brought 
 forth the villany of my sin, and my loss by it, 
 to mind; nothing did twinge my conscience 
 like this: every thing that I thought of the 
 Lord Jesus, of his grace, love, goodness, kind- 
 ness, gentleness, meekness, death, blood, pro- 
 mises, and blessed exhortations, comforts, and 
 consolations, it went to my soul like a sword ; 
 for still imto these my considerations for the 
 Lord Jesus, these thoughts would make place 
 
 * Job. xxiii. 13. t Acts iv. 13 
 
88 BUNYAN'S 
 
 for themselves in 1113" heart : • Ay, this is the 
 Jesus, the loving Saviour, the Son of God, 
 whom you have parted with, whom you ha\'e 
 slighted, despised, and abused. This is the 
 only Saviour, the only Redeemer, the only one 
 that could so love sinners, as to wash them 
 from their sins in his own most precious blood ; 
 but you have no part nor lot in this Jesus, you 
 have put him from you, you have said in your 
 heart, let him go if he will. Now therefore 
 you are severed from him, you have severed 
 yourself from him : behold then his goodness, 
 but yourself to be no partaker of it.' — ' Oh ! 
 (thought I) what have I lost, what have I 
 parted with ! What has disinherited my poor 
 soul ! Oh ! it is sad to be destroyed by the 
 grace and mercy of God ; to have tlie Lamb, 
 the Saviour, turn lion and destroyer.'* I also 
 trembled, as I have said, at the sight of the 
 saints of God, especially at those that greatly 
 loved him, and that made it their business to 
 walk continually with him in this Avorld, for 
 they did, both in their words, their carriages, 
 and all their expressions of tender, it ss and fear 
 to sin against their precious Saviour, condemn, 
 lay guilt upon, and also add continual aiiiiction 
 and shame unto my soul. ' The dread of them 
 wns upon me, and I trembled at God's Sam- 
 uels."^ 
 
 184. Now also the tempter began afresh to 
 mock my soul another way, saying, • That 
 Christ indeed did pity my case, and was 
 * Rev. vi, 16, IT. t 1 Sam. xvi. 4. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 89 
 
 sorry for my loss; but forasmuch as I had 
 sinned and transgressed as I had done, he 
 could by no means help me, nor save me from 
 what I feared ; for my sin was not of the na- 
 ture of theirs for whom he bled and died ; nei- 
 ther was it counted with those that were laid 
 to his charge, when he hanged on a tree : 
 therefore unless he should come down from 
 heaven, and die anew for this sin, though in- 
 deed he did greatly pity me, yet I could have 
 no benelU of him."' These things may seem 
 ridiculous to others, even as ridiculous as they 
 were in tbemselves ; but to me they were most 
 tormenting cogitations : every one of them aug- 
 mented my misery, that Jesus Clirist should 
 have so much love as to pity me, when yet he 
 could not lielp me too : nor did I think that the 
 reason why lie could not help me was, because 
 his merits were weak, or his grace and salva- 
 tion spent on others already ; but because his 
 faithfulness to his threatenings would not let 
 him extend his mercy to me. Besides, I 
 thought, as I have already hinted, that my sin 
 was not within the bounds of that pardon that 
 was wrapped up in a promise ; and if not, tlien 
 I knew surely, that it was more easy for h.ea- 
 ven and earth to pass away, than for me to 
 have eternal life. So that the ground of all 
 these fears of mine did arise from a steadfast 
 belief I had of the stability of the lioly word 
 of God, and also from my being misinformed 
 of the nature of my sin. 
 
 185. But oh ! how this would add to my 
 S* 
 
^90 BUNYAN'S 
 
 affliction, to conceit tliat I should be guilty of 
 such a sin, for which he did not die ! These 
 thoughts did so confound me, and inipiisoa me, 
 and tie me up from faith that I knew not wliat 
 to do. " But oh ! (thought I) that he would 
 come down again ! oh ! that the work of man's 
 redemption was yet to be done by Christ ! how 
 would I pray him and entreat him to count 
 and reckon this sin among the rest for v/hich 
 he died ! But this scripture woidd strike me 
 down as dead: 'Christ being raised from the 
 dead, dieth no more; death hath no more do- 
 minion over him.'* 
 
 18(3. Thus, by the strange and uiuisual as- 
 saults of the tempter, my soul was like a bro- 
 ken vessel, driven as with the winds, and tossed 
 sometimes headlong into despair : sometimes 
 upon the covenant of works, and somctinies to 
 wish that the new covenant, and the conditions 
 thereof, might so far forth, as I thought myself 
 concerned, Ije turned another way, and chang- 
 ed : "but in all these, I was as those that jostle 
 againfet the rocks, more broken, scattered and 
 rent." O ! the unthought-of imaginations, frights, 
 fears, and terrors, that are effected by a tho- 
 rough application of guilt yielding to despera- 
 tion ! 'Hiis is the man that hath his dweihng 
 among the tombs with the dead ; that is al- 
 ways crying out, and cutting himself with 
 stones.t But I say, all in vain : desperation 
 will not comfort him, the old coxenant will not 
 save him ; nay, '• heaven and earth shall pass 
 * Rom. vi. 9. t Mark v. % 3, &c. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 91 
 
 away, before one jot or tittle of the word and 
 law of grace will fail or be removed."' 'I'his I 
 saw, this 1 felt, and under this I groaned : yet 
 this advantage I got thereby, namely, a farther 
 confirmation of the certainty of the way to sal- 
 vation, and that the scriptures were the word of 
 God. Oh ! I cannot now express what I then 
 saw and felt of the steadiness of Jesus Christ, 
 the rock of man's salvation ! what was done 
 could not be undone, added to, nor altered. I 
 saw indeed, that sin might drive the soul be- 
 yond Christ, even the sin which is unpardon- 
 able ; but woe to him that was so driven, for 
 the word would shut him out ! 
 
 1S7. 'i'hus was I always sinking, wliatever 
 I did think or do. So one day I walked to a 
 sieighbouriug town, and sat down upon a settle 
 in the street, and fell into a very deep pause 
 about the most fearful state my sin had brought 
 me to ; and after long musing, I lifted up my 
 head, but methought I saw as if the sun that 
 shineth in the heavens did grudge to give light; 
 and as if the very stones in the street and the 
 tiles upon the houses did bend themselves 
 against me. JMethought that they all condjined 
 together to banish me out of the world. 1 was 
 abhorred of them, and unfit to dwell among 
 them, or be partaker of their benefits, because I 
 had sinned against the Saviour. Oh ! how 
 happy now w^as every creature over I was ! for 
 they stood fast, and kept their station, but I was 
 gone and lost ! 
 
 188. Then breakine: out in the bitterness of 
 
92 BUNYAN'S 
 
 my soul, I said to Diy soul, with a grievous 
 sigh, " How can God cojnfort such a wretch !" 
 I had no sooner said it, Init this returned upon 
 me, as an echo doth answer a voice, '• This sin — 
 is not unto death." At which I was as if I had 
 heen rai.-ed out of the grave, and cried out 
 again, "Lord, how couldst thou fifid out such a 
 w^ord as tliis !" For I was filled with admira- 
 tion at the fitness, and at tlie unexpectedness of 
 the sentence ; the fitness of the word, the rigljt- 
 ness of the timing of it; the power, and sweet- 
 ness, and light, and glory, that came w^ith it 
 also, w^as marvellous to me to find : I was now, 
 for the time, out of doubt as to that about 
 w hich I so much was in doubt before ; my 
 fears before were, that my sin w^as not pardon- 
 able, and so that I had no right to pray, to re- 
 pent, and so forth ; or that if I did. it w^ould be 
 of no advantage or profit tome. "But now 
 (thought I) if tills sin is not unto death, then it 
 is pardonable ; therefore from this I have en- 
 couragement to come to God by Christ for 
 mercy, to consider the promise of forgiveness, 
 as that which stands witii open arms to receive 
 me as w^ell as others." This therefore was a 
 great easement to my mind, to wit, that my sin 
 w-as j)ardonable, that it was not the sin unto 
 deatli.'' None but those that know what my 
 trouble (by their own experience) was, can tell 
 wdiat relief came to my soul by this considera- 
 tion : it was a release to me from my former 
 bonds, and a shelter from my former storms ; I 
 * 1 John V. IG, 17. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 93 
 
 seemed now to stand upon the same ground 
 with other sinners, and to have as good right to 
 the word and prayer as any of them. 
 
 1S9. Now I say, I was in hopes that my sin 
 was not unpardonable, but that there might be 
 hopes for me to obtain forgiveness. But oh ! 
 how Satan did now lay about liim for to bring 
 ine down again ! But lie could by no means 
 do it, neither this day nor the most part of the 
 next, for this sentence stood like a mill-post at 
 my back ; yet towards the evening of the next 
 day I felt tliis word begin to leave me, and to 
 with(h-aw its supportation from me, and so I re- 
 turned to my old fears again, but vvith a great deal 
 of grudging and peevishness, for I feared the 
 soiTow of despair, nor could my faith now long 
 tain this word. 
 
 190. But tlie next day at evening, being 
 under many fears, I went to seek the Lord, and 
 as I prayed I cricnl, and my soul cried to him in 
 these words, with strong cries, " O Lord, I be- 
 seech tliee, show me that thou hast loved me 
 with everlasting love."* I had no sooner said 
 it but, with sweetness, this returned upon me as 
 an eclio or sounding again, " I have loved thee 
 with an everlasting love." Now I went to bed 
 in quiet; also, when I awaked tlie next morn- 
 ing, it was fresh upon my soul, and I believed it. 
 
 19L But yet the tempter left me not. for it 
 
 could not beso little as a hundred times tbathe 
 
 (hat day did labour to break my peace. Oh! 
 
 the combats and conlhcts that 1 then did meet 
 
 * Jer. xxxi. 3. 
 
94 BUNYAN'S 
 
 with ; as I strove to hold by this word, that of 
 Esau would fly in my face like lightning ; 1 
 should be sometimes up and down twenty times 
 in an hour ; yet God did bear me out. and keep 
 my heart upon this word, from which I bad 
 also, for several days together, very miicb sweet 
 ness, and comfortable hopes of pardon ; for thus 
 it was made out unto me, " I loved tbee whilst 
 thou wast committing this sin ! I loved tbee 
 before, I love thee still, and I Avill love thee for 
 ever." 
 
 192. Yet I saw my sin most barbarous, and 
 a filthy crime, and could not but conclude, with 
 great sbame and astonishment, that I had hor- 
 ribly abused tbe holy Son of God : wherefore I 
 felt my soul greatly to love and pity him, and 
 my bowels to yearn towards him : for I saw he 
 was still my friend, and did reward me good for 
 evil ; yea, tbe love and affection that then did 
 burn within me to my Lord and Saviour Jesus 
 Christ did work at this time such a strong and 
 hot desire of revengement upon myself for the 
 abuse I had done unto him, that, to speak as I 
 then thought, had I a thousand gallons of blood 
 within my veins, I could freely then have spilt 
 it all, at the conmiand and feet of this my Lord 
 and Saviour. 
 
 193. And as I was thus a-musing, and in 
 my studies, considering how to love the Lord, 
 and to express my love to him, that saying 
 came in upon me, '• If thou, Lord, shouldst 
 mark iniquity, O Lord, who should stand? But 
 there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 95 
 
 be feared.'"* These were good words to me, es- 
 pecially the latter part thereof, to wit, " That 
 there is forg-iveness with the Lord, that he 
 might be feared ;" that is, as I then understood 
 ir, that he might be loved, and had in reverence ; 
 for k was thus made out to me, '' That the 
 great God did set so high 'an esteem upon the 
 love of his poor creatures, that, ratlicr than he 
 would go without their love, he would pardon 
 their transgressions." 
 
 194. And now was tliat word fulfilled on me, 
 and I was also refreshed by it, '• I'hen shall 
 they be a.shamed and confounded, and never 
 open their mouths any more, because of their 
 shame, when I am pacified towards them for 
 all that they have done, saith the Lord God."t 
 Thus v/as my soul at this time (and as I then 
 did think for ever) set at liberty from being 
 afflicted with my former guilt and amazement. 
 
 195. But before many weeks were gone, I 
 began to despond again, fearing lest, notwith- 
 standing all that I had enjoyed, that 1 might be 
 deceived and destroyed at the last : for this con- 
 sideration came strong into my mind, " That 
 whatever comfort and peace I thought I might 
 have from the word of the promise of life, yet 
 unless there could be found in my refreshment 
 a Ci.Micurrence and agreement in the scriptures, 
 let me think what I will thereof, and hold it 
 never so fast, I should find no such thing at 
 the end ; for " the scriptures cannot be broken."! 
 
 196. Now began my heart again to ache, 
 * Psalm cxxx. 3, 4 t Ezek. xvi. 63. ; John x. 35. 
 
96 BtJNYAN'S 
 
 and fear I might meet with a disappointment at 
 last. Wherefore 1 began with all seriousness to 
 examine my former comfort, and to consider 
 whether one that had sinned as I had done, 
 might with confidence trust upon the faithful- 
 ness of God, laid down in these words, by which 
 I had been comforted, and on which I had 
 leaned myself. But now were brought to my 
 mind, " For it is impossible for those who were 
 once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly 
 gift, and were made partakers of the Holy 
 Ghost, and have tasted the good word of Goch 
 and the povv^ers of the world to come, if they 
 shall fall away, to renew them again unto re- 
 pejitance.— For if we sin wilfully, after we 
 have received the knowledge of the truth, there 
 remaineth no more sacrifice for sin, but a cer- 
 tain fearful looking-for of judgment and fiery 
 indisrnation. which shall devour the adversaries : 
 — =even as Esau, who for one morsel of meat 
 sold bis birthright. For ye know hovv^ that af- 
 terwards, when he would have inherited the 
 blessing, he was rejected : for he found no place 
 of repentance, though he sought it carefully 
 with tears. '^* 
 
 197. Now was the word of the gospel forced 
 from my soul, so that no promise or encourage- 
 ment was to be found in the Bible for me ; and 
 now would that saying work upon my spirit to 
 afflict me, " Rejoice not, O Israel, for joy, as 
 other people ;"t for I saw, indeed, there wag 
 
 1- Heb. vi. 4, 5, O5 and x. 26, 27 ; and xii. 16, 17. 
 t Hosea ix. I. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 97 
 
 cause of rejoicing for those that held to Jesus ; 
 but for me, I had cut myself off by my trans- 
 g-re>?ion3, and left myself neither foot-hold nor 
 iiand-hold, among all the stays and props in the 
 precious word of life. 
 
 198. And truly I did now feel myself to sink 
 into a gulf, as a house whose foundation is de- 
 stroyed ; I did liken myself, in this condition, 
 unto the case of a child that was fallen into a 
 mill-pit, who, though it could make some shift 
 to scrabble and sprawl in tlie water, yet, be- 
 cause it could find neither hold for liand or foot, 
 therefore at last it must die in that condition. — 
 So soon as this fresh assault had fastened on 
 my soul, that scripture came into my heart, 
 " This for many days :"* and indeed I found it 
 was so, for I could not be delivered, nor brought 
 to peace again, until well nigh two years and a 
 half were completely finished. Wherefore these 
 words, though in themselves they tended to no 
 discouragement, yet to me, who feared this con- 
 dition would be eternal, they were at some times 
 as a help and refreshment to me. 
 
 199. " For (thought I) many days are not for 
 ever, many days will have an end." There- 
 fore, seeing I was to be afflicted not a few but 
 many days, yet I was glad it was but for many 
 days. Thus, I say, I could recall myself some- 
 times, and give myself a help ; for as soon as 
 ever the word came into my mind, at first I 
 knew my trouble would be long ; yet this would 
 be but sometimes, for I could not always think 
 
 * Dan. X. 14. 
 9 
 
98 BUNY-iN'S 
 
 on this, nor ever be helped by it, though I 
 did. 
 
 200. Now while the scriptures lay before me, 
 and laid sin anew at my door, that saying in 
 Luke,* witii others, did encourage rae to prayer. 
 Then the tempter again laid at me very sore, 
 suggesting, " That neither the mercy of God, 
 nor yet the blood of Christ did at ail concern 
 me, nor could they help me for my sin ; there- 
 fore it was but in vain to pray." — " Yet (thought 
 1) I will pray." " But (said the tempter) your 
 sin is unpardonable." '• Well (said I.) I will 
 pray." "It is to no boot," said he. "Yet (said 
 I) I will pray." — So I went to prayer to God ; 
 and while I was at prayer, I uttered words to 
 this effect : " Lord, Satan tells me, that neither 
 ihy mercy nor Christ's blood is sufficient to save 
 my soul : Lord, shall I honour thee most, by 
 believing thou wilt and canst ? or him, by be- 
 lieving thou neither wilt not nor canst ? Lord, 
 I would fain honour thee, by beheving thou wilt 
 and canst." 
 
 201. And as I was thus before the Lord, that 
 scripture fastened on my heart, " O man, great 
 is thy faith ;"t even as if one had clapped me 
 
 * Chap, xviii. 1. — "Men ought always to pray, and not to 
 faint." 
 
 t Matt. XV. 28. — The author here appUes to his own case 
 our blessed Saviour's commendation of the Canaanitish wo- 
 man's faith, " O woman, great is thy faith." — We may gather 
 hence, that the scri{)tures are of no private interpretation ; for 
 we perceive that what is recorded of our Lord's approval of 
 faith in the weaker vessel, served, many ages after, as a ground 
 of solid hope to the stronger vessel; — "the strength of God is 
 perfected in weakness." 
 
3RACE ABOUNDING. 99 
 
 on the back, as I was on my knees before God : 
 yet I was not able to believe this, that this was 
 a prayer of faith, till almost six months after, 
 for I could not think that I had faith, or that 
 there should be a word for me to act faith on ; 
 therefore I should still be as sticking in the jaws 
 of desperation, and went mourning up and down 
 in a sad condition. 
 
 202. There was nothing now that I longed 
 for more than to be put out of doubt, as to this 
 thing in question ; and as I was vehemently 
 desiring to know if there was indeed hope for 
 me, these words came rolling into my mind, 
 " Will the Lord cast off for ever ? and will he 
 be favourable no more ? Is his mercy clean 
 gone for ever ? Doth his promise fail for ever- 
 more ? Hath God forgotten to be gracious ? 
 Hath he in anger shut up his tender mer- 
 
 The illustrious instance of faith displayed by the Canaan- 
 itish woman, who, as it were, " hoped against hope," and 
 would not let the Lord go (to speak with reverence) till he 
 answered her request, calls to my recollection a passage that 
 I have read in Mr. Mead's " Almost Christian " (a book that 
 highly deserves the perusal of every one ;) where he shows 
 the seeming contradictions that attach themselves to the con- 
 versation and Character of a Christian man, which still har- 
 monize and are verified in his experience, and by the inward 
 testhnony of the Holy Spirit : — " A man must die, that would 
 live ; he must be empty, that would be full ; he must be lost, 
 that would be found ; he must have nothing, that would have 
 all things; he must be blind, that would have illumination ; 
 he must be condemned, that would have redemption; so he 
 must be a fool, that would be a Christian." This may seem 
 a hard lesson to flesh and blood : but let us remember" " that 
 with God all things are possible ;" and may He, who rewarded 
 the Canaanitish woman's faith, vouchsafe" his blessed instruc- 
 tions, and then, though fools, we shall be made wise ! 
 
100 BUNYAN'S 
 
 cies ?"'* Arid all the while they ran in my 
 mind, methoiight I had still this as the answer, 
 '• 'Tis a question wliether he hath or no : it 
 may be he hath not." Yea, the interrogatory 
 seemed to me to carry in it a sure affirmation 
 that indeed he had not. or would so cast off, 
 but would be favourable : that his promise doth 
 not fail, and that he hath not forgotten to be 
 gracious, nor would in anger sliut up tender 
 merc}^ Something also there was upon my 
 heart at the same time, which I now cannot 
 call to mind, which, with this text, did sweeten 
 my heart, and make me conclude, that his mercy 
 might not be quite gone, nor gone for ever. 
 
 203. At another time, I remembered, I was 
 again much under this question, " Whether the 
 blood of Christ was sufficient to save my soul ?" 
 In which doubt I continued from morning till 
 about seven or eight at night ; and at last, when 
 1 was, as it were, quite worn out with fear, lest 
 it should not lay hold on me, these words did 
 sound suddenly within my heart, " He is able."t 
 But methouglit this word able was spoke loud 
 unto me ; it showed a great word, it seemed to 
 be writ in great letters, and gave such a jostle 
 to my fear and doubt (I mean for the time it 
 tarried with me, which was about a day,) as I 
 never had from that, all my life, either before or 
 after. 
 
 204. But one morning as I was again at 
 prayer, and trembhng under the fear of this, 
 that no word of God could help me, that piece 
 
 => Psalm Ixxvii. 7, 8, 9. t Heb vii. 25, 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 101 
 
 of a sentence darted in upon me, " My grace is 
 sufficient."* At this, methought I felt some 
 stay, as if there might be hopes. But, oh ! 
 how good a thing it is for God to send his 
 word ! for, about a fortnight before, I was look- 
 ing on this very place, and then I thought it 
 could not come near my soul with comfort, 
 therefore I threw down my book in a pet : then 
 I thought it was not large enough for me, no, 
 not large enough ; but now it was as if it had 
 arms of grace so wide, that it could not only 
 enclose me, but many more besides. 
 
 205. By these words I was sustained, yet not 
 without exceeding conflicts, for the space of 
 seven or eight weeks ; for my peace would be 
 in it, and out, sometimes twenty times a day ; 
 comfort now, and trouble presently : peace now, 
 and, before I could go a furlong, as full of fear 
 and guilt as ever heart could hold ; and this 
 was not only now and then, but my whole 
 seven weeks' experience : for this about the 
 sufficiency of grace, and that of Esau's parting 
 with his birthright, would be like a pair of scales 
 within my njind, sometimes one end would be 
 uppermost, and sometimes again the other ; ac- 
 cording to wliich would be my peace or troubles. 
 
 206. Therefore I did still pray to God, that 
 he would come in with his scripture more fully 
 on my heart ; to wit, that he would help me to 
 apply the whole sentence, for as yet I could not : 
 that he gave, that I gathered ; but furtlier I 
 could not go, for as yet it only helped me to 
 
 * 2 Cor. xii. 9. 
 
 9* 
 
 } 
 
102 BUNYAN'S 
 
 hope there might be mercy for me ; my grace 
 is sufficient : and though it came no farther, it 
 answered my former question, to wit, " That 
 there was hope :" yet, because " for thee" was 
 left out, I was not contented, but prayed to God 
 for that also. AYlierefore, one day, Avhen I was 
 in a meeting of God's people, full of sadness 
 and terror (for my fears again were strong upon 
 me) ; and, as I was now thinking, my soul 
 w^as never the better, but my case most sad and 
 fearful, these words did with great power sud- 
 
 ^xienly break in upon me ; " My grace is suffi- 
 cient for thee, my grace is sufficient for thee, my 
 grace is sufficient for thee," three times together : 
 — " And oh ! (methought) that every word was 
 a mighty word unto me ; as "my," and "grace," 
 and " sufficient," and " for thee ;" they were 
 then, and sometimes are still, far bigger than 
 others be. 
 
 *•- 207. At which time my understanding was 
 so enlightened, that I was as though I had seen 
 the Lord Jesus look down from heaven, through 
 the tiles, upon me, and direct these w^ords unto 
 me. This sent me mourning home ; it broke 
 ray heart, and filled me full of joy, and laid me 
 low^ as the dust ; only it stayed not long with 
 me, I mean in this glory and refreshing com- 
 fort ; yet it continued with me for several weeks, 
 and did encourage me to hope : but as soon as 
 that powerful operation of it was taken from my 
 heart, that other, about Esau, returned upon me 
 as before : so my soul did hang as in a pair 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 103 
 
 of scales again, sometimes up, and sometimes 
 down ; now in peace, and anon again in terror. 
 
 208. Thus I went on for many weeks, some- 
 times comforted and sometimes tormented ; and 
 especially at some times my torment would be 
 very sore, for all those scriptures afore-named 
 in the " Hebrews" would be set before me, as 
 the only sentences that would keep me out of 
 heaven. Then again I would begin to repent 
 that ever that thought went through me : I 
 would also think thus with myself: "Why, 
 how many scriptures are there against me ? 
 There are but three or four : and cannot God 
 miss them, and save me for all them ?" Some- 
 times again I should think, " Oh ! if it were 
 not for these three or four words, now how 
 might I be comforted !'' And I could hardly 
 forbear, at sometimes, to wish them out of the 
 book. 
 
 209. Then methought I should see as if both 
 Peter and Paul, and John, and all the holy 
 waiters, did look with scorn upon me, and hold 
 me in derision ; and as if they had said unto 
 me, "All our words are truth, one of as much 
 force as the other : it is not we that have cut 
 you off, but you have cast away yourself. 
 There is none of our sentences that you must 
 take hold upon, but these, and such as these, it 
 is impossible : " There remains no more sacri- 
 fice for sin :''* and, "' It had been better for them 
 not to have known the will of God, than, after 
 they had known it, to turn from the holy com- 
 
 ♦ Heb. X. 2(3. 
 
104 BUNYAN'S 
 
 mandment delivered unto them f* " for the 
 scriptures cannot be broke n."t 
 
 210. These as the elders of the city of 
 refuge, I saw, were to be the judges both of my 
 case and me, while I stood with the avenger of 
 blood t at my heels, trembling at their gate 
 for deliverance ; also with a thousand fears and 
 mistrusts, I doubted that he would shut me out 
 for ever. 
 
 211. Thus was I confounded, not knowing 
 what to do, or how to be satisfied in this ques- 
 tion, "Whether the scriptures could agree in 
 the salvation of my soul T I quaked at the 
 apostles ; I knew their words were true, and 
 that they must stand for ever. 
 
 212. And I remember, one day as I was in 
 divers frames of spirit, and considering that 
 these frames were according to the nature of 
 several scriptures that came in upon my mind 
 
 /^ I — if this of grace, then was I quiet ; but if that 
 '^ I of Esau, then tormented — " Lord (thought 1), 
 ' if both these scriptures should meet in my 
 heart at once, I wonder which of them would 
 get the better of me ?" So, methought, I had 
 a longing mind that they might come both 
 together upon me ; yea, I desired of God they 
 might. 
 
 213. Well, about two or three days after, so 
 they did indeed ; they bolted both upon me at 
 a time, and did work and struggle strongly in 
 me for a while : at last, that about Esau's birth- 
 right began to wax weak, and withdraw, and 
 
 * 2 Pet. ii. 31. t John x. 35. t See Joshua xx. 3. 
 
GRACE ABOUNL^LXd. 105 
 
 vanish ; and this, about the sufficiency of 
 grace, prevailed with peace and joy. And as I 
 was in a muse about this thing, that scripture 
 came in upon me, " Mercy rejoiceth against 
 judgment.'"* 
 
 2 14. This was a wonderment to me ; 5'et, 
 truly, I am apt to think it was of God ; for the 
 word of tire law and wrath must give place to 
 the w^ord of life and grace : because, tliough 
 the word of condemnation be glorious, yet the 
 word of life and salvation doth far exceed in 
 glory :t also that Moses and Elias must both 
 vanish, and leave Christ and his saints alone.t 
 
 215. This scripture did also most sw^eetly 
 visit my soul, " And him that cometh to me, I 
 will in no wise cast out."§ Oh ! the comfort 
 that I had from this word, " in no wise !" As 
 who should say, "By no means, for nothing 
 w^hatever he hath done." But Satan would 
 greatly labour 10 pull this promise from me, tell- 
 ing of me, " That Christ did not mean me and 
 such as I, but sinners of a lower rank, that had 
 not dene as I had done." But I would answer 
 him again, '• Satan, here is in these words no 
 such exception ; but him that comes, him, any 
 him :" " Him that cometh to me, I will in no 
 wise cast out." And this I well remember still, 
 that of all the shghts that Satan used to take 
 this scripture from me, yet he never did so much 
 as put this question, " Butdoj'ou come aright?" 
 And I have thought the reason was, because he 
 
 * JamcG ii. 13. t 2 Cor. Hi. 8, &c. 
 
 ; See Mark ix. 5, &c § See John vi, 37. 
 
106 BUNYAN'S 
 
 thought I knew full well what coming aright 
 was ; for I saw, that to come aright, was to 
 come as I was, a vile and ungodly sinner, and 
 so cast myself at the feet of Mercy, condemning 
 myself for sin. If ever Satan and I did strive 
 for any word of God in all my life, it was for 
 this good word of Christ : he at one end, and 
 I at the otlier : oil ! what work we made ! It 
 was for this in John, I say, that we did so tug 
 and strive ; he pulled and I pulled : but, God 
 be praised ! I overcame him ! I got sweetness 
 from it. 
 
 216. But notwithstanding all these helps, 
 and blessed words of grace, yet that of Esau's 
 seUing of his birthright would still at times dis- 
 tress my conscience: for, though I had been 
 most sweetly comforted, and that but just be- 
 fore ; yet, when that came into my mind, it 
 would make me fear again ; I could not be 
 quite rid thereof, it would every day be with 
 me. Wherefore now I went another way to 
 work, even to consider the nature of this blas- 
 phemous thought — I mean, if I should take the 
 words at the largest, and give them their own 
 natural force and scope, even every word there- 
 in : so when I had thus considered, I found 
 that, if they were fairly taken, they would 
 amount to this : " That I Jiad freely left the 
 Lord Jesus Christ to his choice, whether he 
 Avould be my Saviour or no ;" for the wicked 
 w^ords were these, "Let him go if he will.'' 
 Then that scripture gave m.e hope, '•' I will 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 107 
 
 will never leave thee nor forsake thee."* " O 
 Lord (said I), but I have left thee."' Then it 
 answered again, " But I will not leave thee." 
 For this I thanked God also. 
 ^/ 217. Yet I was grievously afraid he should, 
 and found it exceeding hard to trust him, seeing 
 I had so offended hirn ; I could liave been ex- 
 ceeding glad that this thought had never be- 
 fallen ; for then I thought I could with more 
 ease, and freedom in abundance, have leaned 
 on his grace. I saw it was with me, as it w^as 
 with Joseph's brethren ; the guilt of their ow^n 
 wickedness did often fill them with fears that 
 their brother would at last despise them.t 
 
 218. Yet above all the scriptures that I yet 
 did meet with, that in Joshuat was the greatest 
 comfort to me, which speaks of the slayer that 
 was to flee for refuge : " And if the avenger of 
 blood pursue the slayer, then saith Moses, they 
 that are the elders of the city of refuge shall 
 not deliver him into his hands, because he 
 smote his neighbour unwittingly, and hated him 
 not aforetime." Oh ! blessed be God for this 
 word : I was convinced that I was the slayer, 
 and that the avenger of blood pursued me, I 
 felt with gieat terror ; only now it remained 
 that I inquire whether I have right to enter the 
 city of refuge : so I found that he must not, 
 ^' who lay in wait to shed blood :" it was not 
 the wilful nmrderer, but he who unwittingly did 
 it ; he who did it unawares, not out of spite, or 
 
 * Heb. xui. 5. t See Gen. 1. 15, IG, &c. 
 
 t Chap. XX. ver. 5. 
 
108 BUNYAN'S 
 
 grudge, or malice, he that shed it unwittingly ; 
 even he who did not hate his neighbour before. 
 Wherefore, 
 
 219. I thought verily I was the man that 
 must enter, because I had smitten my neigh- 
 bour " unwittingly, and hated him not afore- 
 time." I hated him not aforetime ; no, I prayed 
 unto him, was tender of sinning against him : 
 yea, and against this wicked temptation I had 
 strove for twelve months before : yea, and also 
 when it did pass through my heart, it did in 
 spite of my teeth. Wherefore I thought I had 
 a right to enter this city, and the elders (which 
 are the apostles) were not to deliver me up. 
 This, therefore, was gi'eat comfort to me, and 
 gave me much ground of hope. 
 
 220. Yet being very critical, (for my smart 
 had made me that I knew not what ground 
 was sure enough to bear me,) I had one cjues- 
 tion that my soul did much desire to be re- 
 solved al^out, and that was, '* Whether it be 
 possible for any soul that hath sinned the un- 
 pardona])le sin,* yet after to receive (though but 
 the least) true spiritual comfort from God through 
 Christ?") The which after I had much con- 
 sidered, I found the answer was, "No, they 
 could not," and that for these reasons : 
 
 221. First: Because those that Irave sinned 
 that sin, they are debarred a share in the blood 
 of Christ ; and being shut out of that, they must 
 needs be void of the least ground of hope, and 
 so of spiritual comfort ; " For to such there re- 
 
 * Matt. xii. 32. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 109 
 
 mains no more sacrifice for sin." — Secondly, 
 Because they are denied a share in the promise 
 of hfe : " they shall never he forgiven, neither 
 in this world, nor in that which is to come.''* — 
 Thirdly ; The Son of God excludes them also 
 from a share in his blessed intercession, being 
 for ever ashamed to own them, both before his 
 Holy Father, and the blessed angels in hea- 
 ven.t 
 
 222. When I had with much deliberation 
 considered of this matter, and could not but 
 conclude that the Lord had comforted me, and 
 that too after this my wicked sin, then me- 
 thought I durst venture to come nigh unto those 
 most fearfid and terrible scriptures, with which 
 all this while I had been so greatly affrighted, 
 and on which indeed, before, I durst scarce cast 
 mine eye, (yea, had much ado, a hundred 
 times, to forbear wishing them out of the Bible,) 
 for I thought they would destroy me ; but now, 
 I say, I began to take some measure of encou- 
 ragement, to come close to them, to read them, 
 and consider them, and to weigh their scope 
 and tendency. 
 
 223. The which when I began to do, I found 
 my visage changed ; for they looked not so 
 grimly as before I thought (hey did : and, first, 
 1 came to the 6th chapter of the Hebrews, yet 
 trembling for fear it should strike me ; which 
 when I had considered, I found that the falling 
 there intended was a falling quite away ; that 
 is, as I conceived a falling from, and absolute 
 
 * Matt. xii. 32. t Mark viii. 38. 
 
 10 
 
no BUNYAN'S 
 
 denying of the gospel, of the remission of sing 
 by Jesus Christ : for. from them tlie apostle be- 
 gins this argument.* Secondly, I found that 
 this falling away must be openly, even in the 
 view of the world, even so as " to put Christ to 
 an open shame." Thirdly, I found that those 
 he there intended were for ever shut up of God, 
 both in blindness, hardness, and impenitency : 
 — " It is impossible they should be renewed 
 again unto repentance." By all these particu- 
 lars, I found, to God's everlastuig praise, my sin 
 was not the sin in this place intended. 
 
 tJ^ First, I confessed I was fallen, but not 
 fallen away ; that is, from the professon of faith 
 in Jesus unto eternal hfe. 
 
 D3= Secondly, I confessed that I had put 
 Jesus Christ to shame by my sin, but not to 
 open shame ; I did not deny him l3efore men, 
 nor condemn him as a fruitless one before the 
 world. 
 
 ri^ Thirdly, Nor did I find that God had 
 shut me up, or denied me to come (though I 
 found it hard work indeed to come) to him by 
 sorrow and repentance : Blessed be God for un- 
 searchable grace ! 
 
 224. Then I considered that in the 10th 
 chapter of the Hebrews, and found that the 
 wilful sin there mentioned is not every wilful 
 sin, ^ut that which doth throw off Christ, and 
 then his commandments too. Secondly, That 
 must be done also openly, before two or three 
 
 * See verses 1, 2, and 3, of the same chapter. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. Ill 
 
 witnesses, to answer that of the law.* Thirdly, 
 This sin cannot be committed, but with great 
 despite done to the Spirit of grace ; despising 
 both the dissuasions from tliat sin, and the per- 
 suasions to the contrary. But the Lord knows, 
 though this my sin was devilish, yet it did not 
 amount to these. 
 
 225. And as touching that in the 12th chap- 
 ter of the Hebrews, about Esau's selling of his 
 birthright ; though this was that which killed 
 me, and stood like a spear against me ; yet now 
 I did consider, first, that his was not a hasty 
 thought against the continual labour of his mind, 
 but a thought consented to, and put in prac- 
 tice likewise, and that after some deliberation.! 
 Secondly, It was a public and open action, even 
 before his brother, if not before many more : 
 this made his sins of a far more heinous nature 
 than otherwise it would have been. Thirdly, 
 He continued to slight his birthright ; he did 
 eat and drink, and went his way : thus Esau 
 despised his birthright ; yea. twenty years after 
 he was found to despise it still. And Esau said, 
 " I have enough, my brother ; keep that thou 
 hast unto thy self. + 
 
 226. Now as touchino^ this, that Esau sousrht 
 a place of repentance, thus I thought : First, 
 This was not for the birthright, but the blessing; 
 this is clear from the apostle, and is distinguished 
 by Esau himself: ''He hath taken away my 
 birthright (that is, formerly,) and now he hath 
 
 * See the 26tli verse of that chapter. 
 t See Gen. xxv. ver. 29, &c. ; Gen. xxxiii. 9. 
 
112 BUNYAN'S 
 
 taken away my blessing also.* Secondly, Now 
 this being thus considered, I came again to the 
 apostle to see what might be the mind of God 
 in a New-Testament style and sense concern- 
 ing Esau's sin ; and so far as 1 could conceive, 
 this was the mind of God — that the birthright 
 signified regeneration, and the blessing the in- 
 ternal inheritance ; for so the apostle seems to 
 hint : '• Lest there be any profane person, as 
 Esau, who for a morsel of meat sold his birth- 
 right ;"t as if he should say, " That shall cast 
 off all those blessed beginnings of God that at 
 present are upon him, in order to a new birth, 
 lest they become as Esau, even be rejected after- 
 wards, when they should inherit the blessing." 
 
 227. For many there are who, in the day of 
 grace and mercy, despise those things which 
 are indeed the birthright to heaven, who yet, 
 when the declining day appears, will cry as 
 loud as Esau, " Lord, Lord, open to us ;; but 
 then, as Isaac would not repent, § no more will 
 God the Father, but will say, " I have blessed 
 these, yea, and they shall be blessed ;" but as 
 for you, '• Depart; you are the Avorkers of ini- 
 quity." 
 
 228. When I had thus considered these scrip- 
 tures, and found that thus to understand them 
 was not against, but according to, other scrip- 
 tures ; this still added further to my encourage- 
 ment and comfort, and also gave a great blow 
 to that objection, to wit, " That ihe scriptures 
 
 * Gen. xxvii. 3G. t Heb. xii. 16. 
 
 i Luke xiii. 25. § Gen xxvii. 33. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 113 
 
 could not agree in the salvation of my soul" 
 And noNV remained only the hinder part ot the 
 tempest, for the thunder was gone beyond me, 
 onW some drops did still reniain, that now and 
 then would fall upon me : but because my lor- 
 mer frights and anguish were very sore and 
 deep, therefore it oft befel me stdl, as it befalleth 
 those that have been scared with fire : I thought 
 every voice was "Fire! fire!" Every httle 
 touch would hurt my tender conscience. 
 
 229. But one day as I was passing into the 
 field, and that too with some dashes on my 
 conscience, fearing lest yet aU was not nght, 
 suddenly this sentence fell upon my soul, i liy 
 ricrhteousness is in heaven:" and methought 
 withal I saw with the eyes of my soul Jesus 
 Christ at God's right hand ;— there, I say, was 
 mv ricrhteousness, so that wherever 1 was, or 
 whatem- I was doing, God could not say of 
 me, " He wants my righteousness ; for that was 
 just before him. I also saw moreover that it 
 was not my good frame of heart that made my 
 righteousness better, nor yet my bad frame that 
 made my ri-hteousness worse ; for my righte- 
 ousness was Jesus Christ himself, '' The same 
 yesterday, to-day, and, for ever/"' 
 
 230. Now did my chains fall off my legs 
 indeed; 1 was loosed from my afflictions and 
 irons; mv temptations also fled away, so that 
 from that time those dreadful scriptures of God 
 left off to trouble me; now went I also home 
 rejoicing, for the grace and love of God. .-^o, 
 
 * Heb. xiii. 8. 
 
 10* 
 
114 BUNYAN'S 
 
 when I came liome, I looked to see if I could 
 find that sentence, " Thy righteousness is iu 
 heaven," but could not find such a saying; 
 wherefore rny heart began to sink again ; only 
 that was brought to my remembrance, "He is 
 made unto us of God, wisdom, righteousness, 
 sanctification, and redemption :"* by this word I 
 saw the other sentence true. 
 
 231. For by this scripture I saw that the 
 man Christ Jesus, as he is distinct from us, 
 as touching his bodily presence ; so he is our 
 righteousness and sanctification before God. 
 Here therefore I liv^ed for some time very sweetly 
 at peace with God through Christ. — Oh ! me- 
 thought Christ ! Christ ! there was nothing but 
 Christ that was before my eyes : I was now not 
 for only looking upon this and the other bene- 
 fits of Christ apart, as of his blood, burial, or 
 resurrection ; but considering him as a whole 
 Christ, as he in whom all these, and all other 
 his virtues, relations, offices, and operations, met 
 together ; and that he sat on the right hand of 
 God in heaven. 
 
 232. 'Twas glorious to me to see his exalta- 
 tion and the worth and prevalency of all his 
 benefits, and that because now I could look 
 from myself to him, and would reckon that all 
 those graces of God that now were green on 
 me, were yet but like those cracked groats and 
 fourpence-halfpennies that rich men carry in 
 their purses when their gold is in their trunks 
 at home ; oh ! I saw my gold was in my trunk 
 
 ♦ 1 Cor. i, 30. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 115 
 
 &t home, ill Christ my Lord and Saviour ! Now 
 Christ was all, all my righteousness, all my 
 sanctitication, and all my redemption. 
 
 233. Further, the Lord did also lead me into 
 the mystery of union with the Son of God — 
 that '-I was joined to him, that I was flesh of 
 his flesh, and bone of his bone :" and now was 
 that a sweet word to me, in the fifth chaj3ter of 
 Ephesians.* By this also was my faith in hiin, 
 as my righteousness, the more confirmed in 
 me; for if he and I were one, then his right- 
 eousness was mine, his merits mine, his victory 
 also mine. Now could I see myself in heaven 
 and earth at once: in heaven by my Christ, 
 by my head, by my righteousness and hfe ; 
 though on earth by body or person. 
 
 234. Now I saw Christ Jesus was looked 
 upon of God, and should also be looked upon 
 by us as that common or public person, in 
 whom all the whole body of his elect are 
 always to be considered and reckoned, that we 
 fulfilled the law by him, died by him, rose from 
 the dead by him; got the victory over sin, 
 death, the devil, and hell, by him; when he 
 died, we died ; and so of his resurrection. "Thy 
 dead men shall live, together with my dead 
 body shall they arise,"t saith he ; and again, 
 " After two days he will receive us, and the 
 third day we shall five in his sight,"i which is 
 now fidtilled by the sitting down of the Son of 
 man on the right hand of the Majesty in the 
 
 * Ver. 30. t Isaiah xxvi. 19. : Hosea vi. 2. 
 
116 BUNYAN'S 
 
 heavens, according to that to the Ephesians ;* 
 " He hath raised us up together, and made us 
 sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus." 
 
 235. Ah ! these blessed considerations and 
 scriptures, with many others of like nature, 
 were in those days made to spangle in mine 
 eye. so that I have cause to say, " Praise ye the 
 Lord God in his sanctuary, praise him in the 
 firmament of his power, praise him for his 
 mighty acts, praise him according to his excel- 
 lent greatness."t 
 
 236. Having thus in a few words given you 
 a taste of the sorrow and affliction that my 
 soul went under, by the guilt and terror that 
 these my wicked thoughts did lay me under ; 
 and having given you also a touch of my de- 
 liverance therefrom, and of the sweet and 
 blessed comfort that I met with afterwards, 
 which comfort dwelt about a twelvemonth with 
 my heart, to my unspeakable admiration ; I 
 will now (God willing,) before I proceed any 
 farther, give you in a word or two what as 1 
 conceive was the cause of this temptation ; and 
 also after that what advantage at the last it 
 became unto my soul. 
 
 237. For the causes. I conceived they were 
 principally two ; of which two also I was deeply 
 convinced all the time this trouble lay upon me. 
 The first was, for that I did not, when I was 
 delivered from the temptation that went before, 
 still pray to God to keep me from temptations 
 that w^ere to come : for though, as I can say in 
 
 * Chap. ii. ver. 6. t Psalm cl. 1, 2. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 117 
 
 truth, my soul was much in prayer before this 
 trial seized me ; yet then I prayed only, or at 
 the most, principally, for the removal of present 
 troul)ler^, and for fresh discoveries of his love in 
 Christ, which I saw afterwards was not enough 
 to do ; I also should have prayed that the great 
 God would keep me from the evil that was to 
 come. 
 
 238. Of this I was made deeply sensible by 
 the prayer of holy David, who, when he was 
 under present mercy, yet prayed that God 
 would hold him back from sin and temptation 
 to come : " For then (saith he) shall I be ui> 
 right, and I shall be innocent from tlie great 
 transgression."* By this very word was I 
 galled and condemned quite through this long 
 temptation. 
 
 239. That was also another word that did 
 much condemn me for my folly in the neglect 
 of this duty: "Let us therefore come boldly 
 unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain 
 mercy and find grace to help in time of need."t 
 This! had not done, and therefore was thus suf- 
 fered to sin and fall, according to what is writ- 
 ten, "Pray, that ye enter not into temptation." 
 And truly this very thing is to this day of such 
 weight and awe upon me, that I dare not, 
 when I come before the Lord, go ofT my knees 
 until I entreat hiiii for help and mercy against 
 the temptations that are to come : tO^ and I do 
 beseech thee, reader, that thou learn to beware 
 of my negligence, by the afflictions that for this 
 
 * Psalm xix. 13. t Heb. iv. IG. 
 
118 BUNYAN'S 
 
 thing I did for days and months, and years, 
 with sorrow undergo. 
 
 240. Another cause of this temptation was, 
 that I had tempted God ; and on this manner 
 did I do it : Upon a time my wife was great 
 with child ; and before her full time was come, 
 her pangs, as of a woman in travail, were 
 fierce and strong upon her, even as she would 
 have immediately fallen into labour, and been 
 delivered of an untimely birth : now at this 
 very time it was that I had been so strongly 
 tempted to question the being of God ; where- 
 fore, as my wife lay crying by me, I said, but 
 with all secrecy imaginable, even thinking in 
 my heart, " Lord, if now thou wilt remove this 
 sad affliction from my wife, and cause that she 
 be troubled no more therewith this night (and 
 now were her pangs just upon her,) then I shall 
 know that thou canst discern the most secret 
 thoughts of the heart." 
 
 241. I had no sooner said it in my heart, but 
 her pangs were taken from her, and she was 
 cast into a deep sleep, and so continued till 
 morning : at this I greatly marvelled, not 
 knowing what to think ; but after I had been 
 awake a good while, and heard her cry no 
 more, I fell asleep also ; so when I awaked in 
 the morning, it came upon me again, even 
 what I had said in my heart the last night, and 
 how the Lord had showed me that he knew 
 my secret thoughts, whicli was a great aston- 
 ishment unto me for several weeks after. 
 
 242. Well, about a year and a half after- 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 119 
 
 wards, that wicked sinful thought, of which I 
 have t^pokeu before, went tlu'ougli my wicked 
 heart, even this thought, "Let Christ go if he 
 will :" so when I had fallen under guilt for this, 
 the remembrance of my other thought, and of 
 the effect thereof, would also come upon me 
 with this retort, which also carried rebuke 
 along with it, " Now you may see that God 
 doth know the most secret thoughts of the 
 heart." 
 
 243. And with this, that of the passages that 
 w^ere betwixt the Lord and his servant Gideon 
 fell upon my spirit ; how because that Gideon 
 tempted God with his fleece,* both wet and dry, 
 when he should have believed and ventured 
 upon his words ; therefore the Lord did after- 
 wards so try him as to send him against an in- 
 numerable company of enemies, and that too, 
 as to outward appearance, without any strength 
 or help. Thus he served me, and that justly, 
 for I should have believed his w^ord, and not 
 have put an "if" upon the all-seeingness of 
 God. 
 
 244. And now to show you something of the 
 advantages that I also have gained by this 
 temptation : and first, by this I was made con- 
 tinually to possess in my soul a very wonderful 
 sense l)oth of the blessing and glory of God, 
 and of his beloved Son. In the temptation 
 that went before, my soul was perplexed with 
 unbelief, blasphemy, hardness of heart, ques- 
 tions about the being of God, Christ, the truth 
 
 * Judjies vi. 37. 
 
120 BUNYAN'S 
 
 of the v/ord. and certainty of the world to 
 come : I say, then 1 was greatly assaulted and 
 tormented with atheism ; but now the case was 
 otherwise, now was God and Christ continually 
 before my face, though not in a way of com- 
 fort, but in a way of exceeding dread and ter- 
 ror. Tlie glory of tlie holiness of God did at 
 this time break me to pieces, and the bowels 
 and compassion of Christ did break me as on 
 the wheel : for I could not consider him but 
 as a lost and rejected Christ, the remembrance 
 of which was as the continual breaking of my 
 bones. 
 
 245. The scriptures also were wonderful 
 things unto me ; I saw that the truth and veiity 
 of them were the keys of the kingdom of 
 heaven: those that the scriptures favour, they 
 must inherit bliss : but those that they oppose 
 and condemn must perish for evermore. Oh ! 
 this word, '• For the scriptures cannot be broken,"' 
 w^ould rend the cawl of my heart: and so 
 Avould that other, " Wliose sins ye remit, they 
 are remitted : but whose sins ye retain, they are 
 retained "' Now I saw the apostles to be the 
 elders of the city of refuge.* Those that they 
 were to receive in, were received to life ; but 
 those that they shut out, vrere to be slain by the 
 aven.ger of blood. 
 
 24(3. Oh ! one sentence of the scripture did 
 more afflict and terrify my mind, I mean those 
 sentences that stood against me (as sometimes I 
 thought they every one did), more, I say, than 
 
 * Joshua XX. 4. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 121 
 
 an army of forty thousand men that might 
 come against me. Woe be to him against 
 whom tlie s<'riptures bend themselves! 
 
 2 17. By this temptation I was made to see 
 more into the nature of tlie promises than ever 
 I had before, for I lay now trembling under the 
 mighty hand of God, continually torn and rent 
 by the thundering of his justice : this made me 
 with careful heart, and watchful eye, with great 
 fearfuhiess to turn over every leaf, and with 
 much diligence, mixed with trembhng, to con- 
 sider every sentence, together with its natural 
 force and latitude. 
 
 248. By this temptation also I was greatly 
 holden oft" from my former foolish practice of 
 putting by the word of promise when it came 
 into my mind ; for now, though I could not 
 suck that comfort and sweetness from the 
 promise, as I had done at other times ; yet, like 
 to a man sinking, I would catch at all I saw. 
 Formerly I thought I might not meddle with 
 the promise, unless I felt its comfort ; but now 
 'twas no time thus to do ; the avenger of blood 
 too hardly did pursue me. 
 
 249. Now therefore was I glad to catch at 
 that word, which yet I feared I had no ground 
 or right to own ; and even to leap into the 
 bosom of that promise, that yet I feared did 
 shut its heart against me. Now also I would 
 labour to take the word as God hath laid it 
 =Jown, without restraining the natural force of 
 )ne syllable thereof O ! what did I see in that 
 olessed 6th chapter of 8t. John; "And him 
 
 11 
 
122 BtJNYAN'S 
 
 that Cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out."* 
 Now I began to consider with myself, that God 
 hath a bigger mouth to speak with, than I had 
 a heart to conceive with ; I thought also with 
 myself, that he spake not his words in haste, 
 or in an unadvised heat, but with infinite wis- 
 dom and judgment, and in very truth and faith- 
 fulness. 
 
 250, I would in these days, often in my 
 greatest agonies, even flounce towards the 
 promise (as the horses do towards sound ground, 
 that yet stick in the mire) ; concluding (though 
 as one almost bereft of his wits through fear), 
 ■'•On this will I rest and stay, and leave the 
 fulfiUing of it to the God of heaven that made 
 it." Oh ! many a pull hath my heart had with 
 Satan, for that blessed 6tli chapter of St. John ; 
 I did not now, as at other times, look principally 
 for comfort ; (though, O how welcome would it 
 have been unto ]ne !) but now a word, a word 
 to lean a weary soul upon, that it. might not 
 sink for ever ! 'twas that I hunted for. 
 
 251. Yea, often when I have been making 
 to the promise, I have seen as if the Lord would 
 refuse my soul for ever : I was often as if I had 
 run upon the pikes, and as if the Lord had 
 thrust at me, to keep me from him, as with a 
 flaming sword. Then would I tliink of Esther, 
 who went to petition the King contrary to the 
 law.t I thought also of Benhadad's servants, 
 who went with ropes upon their head to their 
 enemies for mercy. + The woman of Canaan 
 
 * Ver. 37. t Esther iv. 16, i 1 Kings xx. 31, &c. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 123 
 
 also, that would not be daunted, though called 
 dog by Christ* and the man that went tol)orrow 
 bread at niidnightt were also great encourage- 
 ments unto me. 
 
 25:3. I never saw those heights and depths in 
 grace, and love, and mercy, as 1 saw after this 
 temptation ; great sins do draw out great grace ; 
 and where guilt is most terrible and fierce, there 
 the mercy of God in Chiist, when showed to 
 the soul, appears most high and mighty. When 
 Job had passed through his captivity, he had 
 twice as much as he had before. + Blessed be 
 God for Jesus Christ our Lord ! Many other 
 things I might here make observation of, but I 
 would be brief; and therefore shall at this time 
 omit them ; and do pray God that my harms 
 may make others fear to offend, lest they also be 
 made to bear the iron yoke, as I did. — I had two 
 or three times, at or about my deliverance from 
 this temptation, such strange apprehensions of 
 the grace of God, that I could hardly bear up 
 under it : it was so out of measure amazing, 
 when I thought it could reach me, that I do 
 think if that sense of it had abode long upon 
 me, it would have made me incapable for busi- 
 ness. 
 
 253. Now I shall go forward to give you a 
 relation of other of the Lord's dealings with me 
 at sundry other seasons, and of the temptations 
 I then did meet withal. I shall begin with 
 what 1 met with when hrst I did join in fellow- 
 
 * Matt. XV. 2-2, &c. t Luke xi. 5, &c. 
 
 J Job xlii. 10. 
 
124 BUNYAN'S 
 
 ship with the people of God in Bedford. — After 
 I had propounded to the church, that my desire 
 was to walk in the order and ordinances of 
 Christ with them ; and was also admitted by 
 them ; while I thought of that blessed ordinance 
 of Christ, which was his last supper with his 
 disciples before his death ; that scripture, " Do 
 this in remembrance of me,"* was made a very 
 precious word unto me ; for by it the Lord did 
 come down upon my conscience with the dis- 
 covery of his death for my sins ; and, as I then 
 felt, did as if he plunged me in the virtue of the 
 same. But, behold, I had not been long a par- 
 taker at that ordinance, but such fierce and sad 
 temptation did attend me at all times therein, 
 both to blaspheme the ordinance, and to wish 
 some deadly thing to those that then did eat 
 thereof ; that lest I should at any time be guilty 
 of consenting to these wicked and fearful 
 thoughts, I was forced to bend m.yself all the 
 while, to pray to God to keep me from such 
 blasphemies ; and also to cry to God to bless the 
 cup and bread to them, as* it were from mouth 
 to mouth. The reason of this temptation, I 
 have thought since, was, because I did not, with 
 that reverence that became me, at first approach 
 to partake thereof. 
 
 254. Thus I continued for three quarters of 
 a year, and could never have rest nor ease : but 
 at the last the Lord came in upon my soul with 
 that same scripture, by which my soul was 
 visited before ; and after that, I have been 
 * Luke xxii. 19 ; and 1 Cor. xi. 24. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 125 
 
 usually very well and comfortable in tlie par- 
 taking of that blessed ordinance ; and bav . I 
 trust, tberein discerned the Lord's body, a-; 
 broken for my sins, and that his precious !)lood 
 hath been shed for my transgressions. 
 
 255. Upon a tinje I was something inchning 
 to a consum|)tion, wherewith about the spring 
 1 was suddeidy and violently seized, with much 
 weakness in my outward man; insonuich that 
 I thought I could not live. Now began I afresh 
 to give myself up to a serious examination after 
 my state and condition for the future, and of 
 my evidences for that blessed world to come : 
 for it hath, 1 bless the name of God, been my 
 usual course, as always, so especially in the 
 day of affliction, to endeavour to keep my in- 
 terest in the life to come, clear before mine eyes. 
 
 256. But I had no sooner began to recall to 
 mind my former experience of the goodness of 
 God to my soul, but there came flocking into 
 my mind an innumerable company of my sins 
 and transgressions ; amongst"which, these were 
 at this time most to my affliction, namely, my 
 deadness, dullness, and coldness in my holy du- 
 ties ; my wanderings of heart, my wearisome- 
 ness in all good things, my want of love to 
 God, his ways and people ; Vv^ith this at the end 
 of all, " Are these the fruits of Christianity ? 
 Are these the tokens of a blessed man ?" 
 
 257. At the apprehensions of these things, 
 my sickness was doubled upon me ; for now I 
 was sick in my inward man, my soul was 
 clogged with guilt ; now also were n)y former 
 
 11* 
 
126 BUNYAN'S 
 
 experiences of God's goodness to me quite taken 
 out of my mind, and hid as if they had never 
 been, or seen : now was my soul greatly pitched 
 between these two considerations, " l^ive I must 
 not ; die 1 dare not :" now I sunk and fell in 
 my spirit, and was giving up all for lost ; but as 
 I was walking up and down in the house, as a 
 man in a most woful state, that word of God 
 took hold of my heart, "Ye are justified freely 
 b)^ his grace, through the redemption that is in 
 Christ Jesus."* But oh ! what a turn it made 
 upon me ! 
 
 258. Now was I as one awaked out of some 
 troublesome sleep and dream ; and listening to 
 this heavenly sentence, I was as if 1 had heard 
 it thus spoken to me : " Sinner, thou thinkest, 
 that because of thy sins and infirmities, I can- 
 not save thy soul : but behold, my Son is by 
 me, and upon him I look, and not on thee ; and 
 shall deal with thee according as I am pleased 
 with him." At this I was greatly enlightened 
 in my mind, and made to understand, that 
 God could justify a sinner at any time ; it was 
 but his looking upon Christ, and imputing of 
 his benefits to us, and the work was forthwith 
 done. 
 
 259. And as I was thus in a muse, that 
 scripture also came witli great power upon my 
 spirit, " Not by works of righteousness that we 
 have done, but according to his mercy he hath 
 saved us;"t and so forth. Now was I got on 
 high ; I saw myself within the arms of grace 
 
 * Rom. iii. 24. + 2 Tim. i. 9 ; Tit. iii. 5. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 127 
 
 and mercy ; and tliough I was before afraid to 
 think of a dyinu^ hour, yet now I cried, "Let 
 nie die :" now death was lovely and beautiful 
 in my sioht ; for I saw, " We shall never live 
 indeed, till we be orone to the other world." 
 Oh ! methou^ht, this life is but a slumber, in 
 comparison with that above. At this time also 
 I saw more in these words, " Heirs of God,"* 
 than ever I shall be able to express while I 
 live in this world : " Heirs of God !" God him- 
 self is the portion of the saints. This I saw, 
 and wondered at ; but cannot tell you what I 
 saw. 
 
 260. Ai^ain, as I was at another tune very 
 ill and weak, all that time also the tempter did 
 beset me strongly ; (for I find he is much for 
 assaultin,? the soul ; when it begins to approach 
 towards the grave, then is his opportunity •) la- 
 bourins: to hide from me my former experience 
 of God\ goodness ; also setting before me the 
 terrors of death, and the judgment of God ; 
 insomuch that at this time, through my fear of 
 miscarrvins: for ever (should I now die), I was 
 as one dead before death came, and was as if I 
 had felt myself already descending into the pit; 
 methought I said, there was no way, but to hell 
 I ,-nnst:— but behold, just as I was in the midst 
 of those fears, these words, "of the angel's car- 
 rying Lazarus into Abraham's bosom," darted 
 in upon me ; as who should say, " So it shall 
 be with thee when thou dost leave this world." 
 This did sweetly revive my spirits, and help me 
 
 * Rom. viii. 17. 
 
128 BUNYAN'S 
 
 to hope in God ; which when I had with com- 
 fort mused on a while, that word fell witli great 
 weight upon my mind, " O death ! Avhere is 
 thy sting ? O grave ! where is thy victory V'* 
 At this, I became both well in body and mind 
 at once ; for my sickness did presently vanish, 
 and I walked comfortably in my work for God 
 again. 
 
 261. At another timey though just before I 
 was pretty well and savoury in my spirit, yet 
 suddenly there fell upon me a great cloud of 
 darkness, w^hich did so hide from me the things 
 of God and Christ, that I was as if I had never 
 seen or known them in my life. I was also so 
 overrun in my soul with a senseless heartless 
 frame of spirit, that I could not feel my soul to 
 move or stir after grace and life by Christ ; I 
 was as if my loins were broken, or as if my 
 hands and feet had been tied or bound with 
 chains. At this time also I felt some Aveakness 
 to seize upon my outward man, which made 
 still the other affliction the more heavy and un- 
 comfortable to me. 
 
 262. After I had been in this condition some 
 three or four days, as I was sitting by the fire, 
 I suddenly felt this word to sound in my heart, 
 " 1 must go to Jesus !" At this, my former 
 darkness and atheism fled away, and the blessed 
 things of heaven were set in my view. While 
 I w^as on this sudden thus overtaken with sur- 
 prise, "Wife (said I), is there ever such a scrip- 
 ture, I must go to Jesus ?" She said she could 
 
 * 1 Cor. XV. 55. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. l29 
 
 not tell: therefore I stood musing still, to see if 
 I could remember such a place. I had not sat 
 above two or three minutes, but that came bolt- 
 ing it) upon me, "And to an innumerable com- 
 pany of angels ;"* and withal the 12th chapter 
 of Hebrews, about the Mount Sion,t was set 
 before mine eyes. 
 
 263. Then with joy I told my wife, " O ! 
 now^ I know, I know !" But that night was a 
 good night to me, I had never had but few 
 better ; I longed for the company of some of 
 God's people, that I might have imparted unto 
 them what God had showed me. Christ was 
 a precious Christ to my soul that night ; I could 
 scarce lie in my bed for joy, and peace, and 
 triumph, through Christ ! This great glory did 
 not continue upon me until morning ; yet the 12th 
 chapter of the epistle to the Hebrewst was a 
 blessed scripture to me for many days together 
 after this. 
 
 264. The words are these : " Ye are come 
 to Mount Sion, the city of the living God, to 
 the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable 
 company of angels, to the general assembly 
 and church of the first-born, which are written 
 in heaven ; to God the Judge of all, and to the 
 spirits of just men made perfect, and to Jesus 
 tlie Mediator of the New Testament, and to 
 the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better 
 things than that of Abel." Through this sen- 
 tence the Lord led me over and over, first to 
 
 * Hob. xii. 2-2. t See ver. 52, 23, 21. 
 
 ; Verses 22, 23, and 24, of that chapter. 
 
130 BUNYAN'S 
 
 this word, and then to that, and showed me 
 vvondeiful glory in every one of them. These 
 words also have oft, since that time, been great 
 refreshment to my spirit. Blessed be God for 
 having mercy on me ! 
 
 BRIEF ACCOUNT 
 
 OP 
 
 THE AUTHOR'S 
 
 CALL TO THE WORK OF THE MINISTRY. 
 
 265. And now T am speaking my experience, 
 I will in this place thrust in a word or two con- 
 cerning my preaching the word, and of God's 
 dealing with me in that particular also. After 
 I had been about five or six years awakened, 
 and helped myself to see both the want and 
 worth of Jesus Christ our Lord, and also enabled 
 to venture my soul upon him, some of the most 
 able among the saints with us, I say, the most 
 able for judgment and holiness of hfe, as they 
 conceived, did perceive that God had counted 
 me worthy to understand something of his will 
 in his lioly and blessed word, and had given 
 me utterance, in some measure, to express wfiat 
 I saw to others, for edification : therefore they 
 desired me, and that with much earnestness, 
 
GILICE ABOUNDINa 131 
 
 lliat I would be willing, at some times, to take 
 in hand, in one of the meetings, to speak a word 
 of exhortation unto them. 
 
 2(H). The which though at the first it did 
 much dash and abash my spirit, yet being still 
 by them desired and entreated, I consented to 
 their request ; and did twice at two several assem- 
 blies (but in private.) though with much weak- 
 ness and infirmity, discover my gift amongst 
 them ; at v/hich they not only seemed to be, 
 but did frequently protest, as in the sight of the 
 great God, they were both affected and com- 
 forted ; and gave thanks to the Father of mer- 
 cies for the grace bestowed on me. ' 
 
 267. After this, sometimes, when some of 
 them did go into the country to teach, they 
 would also that 1 should go with them ; where, 
 though as yet I did not, nor durst not, make 
 use of my gift in an open way. yet more pri- 
 vately, still, as I came amongst the good people 
 m those places, I did sometimes speak a word 
 of admonition unto them also : the which they, 
 as the other, received with rejoicing at the mercy 
 of God to me-ward, professing their souls were 
 edified thereby. 
 
 268. Wherefore, to be brief: at last, being 
 still desired by the church, after some solemn 
 prayer to the Lord, with fasting, I was more 
 particularly called forth, and appointed to a 
 more ordinary and public preaching of the word ; 
 not only to and amongst them that believed, but 
 also to offer the gospel to those who had not yet 
 received the faith thereof ; about which time I 
 
132 BUNYAN'S 
 
 did evidently find in my mind a secret pricking 
 forward thereto ; though, I bless God, not for 
 desiie of vain-glory ; for at that time I was most 
 sorely afflicted with the fiery darts of the devil 
 concerning my eternal state. 
 
 269. But yet I could not be content, unless I 
 was found in the exercise of my gift ; unto 
 which also I was greatly animated, not only by 
 the continual desires of the godly, but also by 
 that saying of Paul to the Corinthians,'' I be- 
 seech you, brethren (ye know^ the household of 
 Stephanus, that it is the first-fruits of Achaia, 
 and that they have addicted themselves to the 
 ministry of the saints,) that ye submit yourselves 
 unto such, and to every one that helpeth with 
 us, and laboureth." 
 
 270. By this text, I was made to see that the 
 Holy Ghost never intended that men who have 
 gifts and abilities should bury them in the earth ; 
 but rather did command and stir up such to 
 the exercise of their gift, and also did commend 
 those that were apt and ready so to do. " They 
 have addicted themselves to the ministry of the 
 saints.*' This scripture, in these days, did con- 
 tinually run in my mind, to encourage me, and 
 to strengthen me in this my w^ork for God ; I 
 have also been encouraged from several other 
 scriptures and examples of the godly, both spe- 
 cified in the word, and other ancient histories.'! 
 
 * Chap. xvi. \er. 15, 16. 
 t The passages of scripture here alludtd to by the autiior 
 are the following : Acts iii. 4. and xviii. 24, 25 ; Rom. xii. 6 ; 
 and 1 Pet. iv. 10. The history that he mentions is Fox's 
 " Acts and Monuments." 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 133 
 
 271. Wherefore, though of myself of all the 
 saints the most unworthy, yet I, but with great 
 fear and trembling at the sight of my own 
 weakness, did set upon the work, and did, ac- 
 cording to my gift, and the proportion of my 
 faith, preach that blessed gospel that God has 
 showed me in the holy word of truth : which 
 when the country understood, they came in to 
 hear the word by hundreds, and that from all 
 parts, though upon divers and sundry accounts. 
 
 272. And I thank God, he gave unto me some 
 measure of bowels and pity for their souls ; which 
 also did put me forward to labour, with great 
 dihgence and earnestness, to find out such a 
 word as might, if God would bless it, lay hold 
 of, and awaken the conscience ; in which also 
 the good Lord had respect to the desire of his 
 servant : for I had not preached long, before 
 some began to be touched, and be greatly af- 
 flicted in their minds at the apprehension of the 
 greatness of their sin, and of their need of Jesus 
 Christ. 
 
 273. But I first could not believe that God 
 should speak by me to the heart of any man, 
 still counting myself unworthy : yet those who 
 were thus touched would love me, and have a 
 particular respect for me ; and though I did put 
 it from me, that they should be awakened by 
 me, still they would confess it, and affirm it 
 before the saints of God , they would also bless 
 God for me, (unworthy wretch that I am !) and 
 count me God's instrument that showed to them 
 the way of salvation. 
 
 12 
 
134 BUNYAN'S 
 
 274. Wherefore seeing them in both their 
 words and deeds to be so constant, and also in 
 their hearts so earnestly pressing after the know- 
 ledge of Jesus Christ, rejoicing that ever God did 
 send me where they were : then I began to con- 
 clude it might be so, that God had owned m his 
 work such a foolish one as I : and then came 
 that word of God to my heart, with much sweet 
 refreshment, " The blessing of them that are 
 ready to perish is come upon me ; yea, I caused 
 the widow's heart to sing for joy."* 
 
 275. At this, therefore, I rejoiced ; yea, the 
 tears of those whom God did awaken by my 
 preaching would be both solace and encou- 
 ragement to me : I thought on those sayings, 
 " Who is he that maketh me glad, but the 
 same that is made sorry by me?"t And 
 again, " Though I be not an apostle to others, 
 yet doubtless I am unto you, for the seal of my 
 apostleship are ye in the Lord."t These things, 
 therefore, were as another argument unto me, 
 that God had called me to, and stood by me in 
 this work. 
 
 • 276. In my preaching of the word, I took 
 special notice of this one thing, namely, that 
 the Lord did lead me to begin where his word 
 begins with sinners ; that is, to condemn all 
 flesh, and to open and allege, that the curse of 
 God by the law doth belong to, and lay hold 
 on, all men as they come into the world, be- 
 cause of sin. Now this part of my work I ful- 
 
 * Job xxix. 13. t 2 Cor. ii. 2. 
 
 i 1 Cor. ix. 2. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 135 
 
 filled with great sense :* for the terrors of the 
 law, and guilt for my transgressions, lay heavy 
 on my conscience : I preached what I felt, what 
 1 smartingly did feel, even that under wliich 
 my poor soul did groan and tremble to astonish- 
 ment. 
 
 277. Indeed, I have been as one sent to them 
 from the dead ; I went myself in chains, to 
 preach to them in chains, and carried that fire 
 in my own conscience, that I persuaded them 
 to be aware of I can truly say, and that with- 
 out dissembling, that when I have been to preach, 
 I have gone full of guilt and terror even to the 
 pulpit-door ; and there it hath been taken off", 
 and I liave been at liberty in my mind until I 
 have done my work ; and then immediately, 
 even before 1 could get down the pulpit-stairs, 
 I have been as bad as I was before : yet God 
 carried me on, but surely with a strong hand, 
 for neither guilt nor hell could take me off* my 
 work. 
 
 278. Thus I went on for the space of two 
 years, crying out against men's sins, and their 
 fearful state because of them. After which, the 
 Lord came in upon my own soul, with some 
 sure peace and comfort through Christ : for he 
 did give me many sweet discoveries of his blessed 
 grace through him. Wherefore now I altered 
 in my preaching (for still I preached what I 
 saw and felt ;) now therefore I did mucli labour 
 to hold with Jesus Christ in all his offices, re- 
 lations, and benefits unto the w^orld : and did 
 
 * i. e« experimental feeling. 
 
136 BUNYAN'S 
 
 strive also to discover, to condemn, and remove 
 those false supports and props, ,on which the 
 world doth both lean, and by them fall and 
 perish. On these things also I staid as long 
 as on the other. 
 
 279. After this, God led me into something 
 of the mystery of the union of Christ : where- 
 fore that I discovered and showed to them also. 
 And when I had travelled tli rough these three 
 chief points of the w^ord of God, about the space 
 of five years or more, I was caught in my pre- 
 sent practice and cast into prison, where I have 
 lain above as long again to confirm the truth 
 by way of suflering, as I was before in testify- 
 ing of it according to the Scriptures, in a way 
 of preaching. 
 
 280. When I have been preaching, I thank 
 God my heart hath often, all the time of this 
 and the other exercise, with great earnestness 
 cried to God that he would make the work ef- 
 fectual to the salvation of my soul ; still being 
 grieved lest the enemy should take the word 
 away from the conscience, and so it should be- 
 come unfruitful : wherefore I should labour to 
 speak the word, as that thereby, if it were possi- 
 ble, the sin and person guilty might be par- 
 ticularized by it. 
 
 ^1. Also when I have done the exercise, it 
 hath gone to my heart, to think the word should 
 now fall as rain on stony places ; still wishing 
 from my heart, " Oh ! that they who have heard 
 me speak this day did but see as I do, what sin, 
 death, hell, and the curse of God is ; and also 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 137 
 
 what the grace, and love, and mercy of God is, 
 through Christ, to men in such a case as they 
 are, wlio are yet estranged hom him !" And 
 indeed, I did often say in my lieart before the 
 Lord, " That if to be hanged up presently l)efore 
 their eyes woukl be a means to awaken them, 
 and confirm them in tire truth, I gladly should 
 be contented." 
 
 282. For I have been in my preaching, (espe- 
 cially when I have been engaged in the doctrine 
 of life by Christ, without works,) as if an angel 
 of God had stood by at my back to encourage 
 me. Oh ! it hath been with such power and 
 heavenly evidence upon my own soul, while I 
 have been labouring to unfold it, to demonstrate 
 it, and to fasten it upon the consciences of otliers, 
 that I could not be contented with saying, " I 
 believe and am sure ;" methought I was more 
 than sure (if it be lawful so to express myself) 
 that those things which then I asserted were 
 true. 
 
 283. When I first went to preach the word 
 abroad, the doctors and priests of the country 
 did open wide against me : but I was persuaded 
 of this, '• not to render railing for railing ;" but 
 *o see how many of their carnal professors I 
 could convince of their miserable state by the 
 law. and of the want and worth of Christ: for, 
 thought I, " This shall answer for me in time 
 to come, when they shall be for my hire before 
 their face.* 
 
 284. I never cared to meddle with things that 
 
 ♦ See Gen. xxx. o3. 
 
 12* 
 
138 BUNYAN'S 
 
 were controverted and in dispute among the 
 saints ; especially things of the lowest nature : 
 yet it pleased me much to contend with great 
 earnestness for the word of faith, and the remis- 
 sion of sins by the death and sufferings of 
 Jesus : but, I say, as to other things, I would 
 let them alone, because I saw they engendered 
 strife ; and because, that they, neither in doing, 
 nor in leaving undone, did commend us to God 
 to be his : besides, I saw my work before me 
 did run into another channel, even to carry an 
 awakening w^ord : to that therefore I did stick 
 and adhere. 
 
 285. I never endeavoured to. nor durst, make 
 use of other men's lines* (though I do not con- 
 demn all that do) ; for I verily thought, and 
 found by experience, that what was taught me 
 by the word and Spirit of Christ could be 
 spoken, maintained, and stood to, by the 
 soundest and best established conscience : and 
 though I will not now speak all that I know in 
 this matter, yet my experience hath more in- 
 terest in that text of scripture,! than many 
 amongst men are aAvare. 
 
 286. If any of those who were awakened by 
 my ministry did after that fall back (as some- 
 times too many did), I can truly say, their loss 
 hath been more to me, than if my own chil- 
 dren, begotten of my own body, had been 
 
 * See Rom. xv. 18, &c. 
 
 + Galatians, chap. i. ver. 11, 12.— " But I certify you, breth- 
 ren, that the Go.spcl which was preached of me is not of man: 
 for I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but 
 by the revelation of Jesus Christ." 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 139 
 
 going to their grave : — I think verily, I may 
 speak it without any offence to the Lord, no- 
 thing has gone so near me as that : unless it 
 waslhe fear of the loss of the salvation of my 
 own soul. I have counted as if I had goodly 
 buildinsrs and lordships in those places where 
 my children were born ; my heart hath been so 
 wrapped up in the glory of this excellent work, 
 that 1 counted myself more blessed and hon- 
 oured of God by this, than if he had made me 
 the emperor of "the Christian world, or the lord 
 of all the glory of the earth without it ! O 
 these words ! "''' He that converteth a sinner 
 from the error of his way, doth save a soul from 
 death."* " The fruit oY the righteous is a tree 
 of life; and he that winneth souls is wise."! 
 " They that be wise shall shine as the bright- 
 ness of the firmament; and they that turn 
 many to righteousness, as the stars for ever and 
 even"t " For what is our hope, our joy, or 
 crown of rejoicing? Are not even ye in the 
 presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his com- 
 ing? For ye are our glory and joy."§ These, 
 I say, with many others of a like nature, have 
 been great refreshments to me. 
 
 287. I have observed, that where I have had 
 a work to do for God, I have had first, as it 
 were, the going of God upon my spirit, to desire 
 I misrht preach there: I have also observed, 
 that such and such souls in particular have been 
 strongly set upon my heart, and I stirred up to 
 
 * James v. 20. t Prov. xi. 30. 
 
 i Dan. xii. 3. § 1 Thcss. ii. 19, 20. 
 
140 BUNYAN'S 
 
 wish for their salvation ; and that these veiy 
 souls have, after this, been given in as the fruits 
 of my ministry. I have observed, that a word 
 cast in by-the-by, hath done more execution in 
 a sermon, than all that was spoken besides : 
 sometimes also, when I have thought I did no 
 good, then 1 did the most of all : and at other 
 limes, when I thought I should catch them, I 
 have fished for nothing. 
 
 288. I have also observed, that where there 
 has been a work to do upon sinners, there the 
 devil hath begun to roar in the hearts and by 
 the mouths of his servants ; yea, oftentimes, 
 when the wicked world hath raged most, there 
 have been souls awakened by the word: I 
 could instance particulars, but I forbear. 
 
 289. My great desire in my fulfilling my min- 
 istry was to get into the darkest places of the 
 country, even amongst those people that were 
 farthest off of profession ; yet not because I 
 could not endure the light (for I feared not to 
 show my gospel to any), but because I found 
 my spirit did lean most after awakening and 
 converting work ; and the word that I carried 
 did lean itself most that way also : " Yea, so 
 have I strived to preach the gospel, not where 
 Christ was named, lest I should build upon 
 another man's foundation."* 
 
 290. In my preaching, I have really been in 
 pain, and have, as it were, travailed to bring 
 forth children to God ; neither could I be satis- 
 fied unless some fruits did appear in my work. 
 
 * Rom. XV. 20. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 141 
 
 li* I were fruitless, it mattered not who com- 
 mended me ; but if I were fruitful, I cared not 
 who did condemn. I have thought of that : 
 ^'Lo! children are an heritage of tlie Lord: 
 and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As 
 arrows in the hand of a mighty man ; so are 
 children of the youth. Happy is the man that 
 hath filled his quiver full of them : they shall 
 not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the 
 enemies in the gate."* 
 
 291. It pleased me notliing to see people 
 drink in my opinions, if they seemed ignorant 
 of Jesus Christ, and the worth of their own sal- 
 vation : sound conviction for sin, especially un- 
 belief, and a heart set on fire to be saved by 
 Christ, with strong breathings after a truly 
 sanctified soul, that it was that delighted me ; 
 those were the souls I counted blessed. 
 
 292. But in this work, as in all other, I had 
 my temptations attending me, and that of divers 
 kinds ; as sometimes, I should be assaulted with 
 great discouragement therein, fearing that I 
 should not be able to speak a word at all to edi- 
 fication ; nay, that I should not be able to speak 
 sense to the people ; at which times I should 
 have such a strange faintness and strength- 
 lessness seize upon my body, that my legs 
 have scarce been able to carry me to the place 
 of exercise. 
 
 293. Sometimes again, when I have been 
 preaching, I have been violently assaulted with 
 thoughts of blasphemy, and strongly tempted to 
 
 * Psalm cxivii. 3. 4, 5. 
 
142 BUNYAN'S 
 
 speak the words with my mouth before the con- 
 gregation. I have also at sometimes, even 
 when I have begun to speak the word with 
 much clearness, evidence, and liberty of speech, 
 yet been, before the ending of that opportunity, 
 so blinded and so estranged from the things I 
 have been speaking, and have been also so 
 straitened in my speech as to utterance before 
 the people, that I have been as if I had not 
 known, or remembered what I have been about : 
 or as if my head had been in a bag all the time 
 of my exercise. 
 
 294. Again, when as sometimes I have been 
 about to preach upon some smart and searching 
 portion of the word, I have found the tempter 
 suggest, " What ! will you preach this ! This 
 condemns yourself; of this your own soul is 
 guilty : wherefore preach not of this at all : or 
 if you do, yet so mince it, as to make way for 
 3'our own escape ; lest, instead of awakening 
 others, you lay that guilt upon your own soul^ 
 that you will never get from under." 
 
 295. But I thank the Lord, I have been kept 
 from consenting to these so horrid suggestions, 
 and have rather, as Samson, bowed myself with 
 all my might, to condemn sin and transgres- 
 sion wherever I found it ; yea, though therein 
 also I did bring guilt upon my own conscience: 
 '' Let me die (thought I) with the Philistines,' 
 rather than deal corruptly with the blessed 
 word of God. Thou that teachest another, 
 teachest not thou thyself? It is far better that 
 
 * Judges xvi. 29, 30. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 143 
 
 Oiou dost judge thyself, even by preacning 
 plainly unto others, than thou, to save thyself, 
 imprison the trutli in unrig:hteousness." Blessed 
 be God for help in this also. 
 
 29G. I have also, while found in this blessed 
 work of Christ, been often tempted to pride and 
 liftings-up of heart ; and though 1 dare not say 
 1 have not been afiected with this, yet truly the 
 Lord, of his precious mercy, hath so carried it 
 towards me, that for the most part I have had 
 but small joy to give w^ay to such a thing : for 
 it hath been my every day's portion to be let 
 into the evil of my own heart, and still made to 
 see such a multitude of corruptions and infirmi- 
 ties therein, that it hath caused hanging down 
 of the head under all my gifts and attainments; 
 I have felt this thorn in the flesh,* the very 
 mercy of God to me. 
 
 297. I have also had, together with this, 
 some notable place or other of the word pre- 
 sented before me ; which word hath contained 
 in it some sharp and piercing sentence concern- 
 ing the perishing of the soul, notwithstanding 
 gifts and parts : as for instance, that hath been 
 of great use to me, " Though I speak with the 
 tongues of men and angels, and have not 
 charity, I am become as sounding brass, and a 
 tinkling cymbal.''t 
 
 298. A tinkling cymbal is an instrument of 
 music, with which a skilful player can make 
 such melodious and heart-inflaming music, that 
 all who hear him play, can scarcel}' hold from 
 
 ♦ 2 Cor. xii. 7. t 1 Cor. xiii. 1,2. 
 
144 BUNYAN'S 
 
 dancing- : and yet behold, the cymbal hath no! 
 life, neither comes the music from it, but be- 
 cause of the art of him that plays therewith : 
 so then the instrument at last may come to 
 nought and perish, though in times past such 
 music hath been made upon it. 
 
 299. Just thus I saw it was, and will be, with 
 them that h ive gifts, but want saving grace : 
 they are, in the hand of Christ, as the cymbal 
 in the hand of David ; and as David could 
 with the cymbal make that mirth in the service 
 of God, as to elevate the hearts of the Avorship- 
 pers ; so Christ can use these gifted men, as 
 with them to effect the souls of his people in his 
 church ; yet, when he hath done all, hang- 
 them by, as lifeless, though sounding cymbals, 
 
 300o This consideration therefore, together 
 with some others, were, for the most part, as a 
 maul on the head of pride, and desire of vain- 
 glory. " What ! (thought I) shall I be proud be- 
 cause I am a sounding brass ? Is it so much 
 to be a fiddle ? Hath not the least creature 
 that hath life more of God in it than these ?" 
 Besides, I knew it was love should never die ; 
 but these must cease and vanish : so I con- 
 cluded, a little grace, a little love, a little of the 
 true fear of God, is better than all the gifts : 
 yea, and I am fully convinced of it, that it is 
 possible for souk that can scarce give a man an 
 answer, but with great confusion as to method ; 
 I say, it is as possible for them to have a thou- 
 sand times more grace (and so to be more in 
 the love and favour of the Lord) than some 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 145 
 
 who, by the virtue of the gift of knowledge, 
 can dehver themselves like angels. 
 
 301. Thus therefore 1 came to perceive, that 
 though gifts in themselves were good, to the 
 thing for which they are designed, to wit, the 
 edification of others, yet empty, and without 
 power to save the soul of him that hath them, 
 if they be alone. Neither are they, as so, any 
 sign of a man's state to be happy, being only 
 a dispensation of God to some, of whose improve- 
 ment, or non-improvement, they must, when a 
 little love more is over, give an account to Him 
 that is ready to judge the quick and the dead. 
 
 302. This showed me too, that gifts, being 
 alone, were dangerous, not in themselves, but 
 because of those evils that attend them that 
 have them, to wit, pride, desire of vain-glory, 
 self-conceit, vfec. ; all which were easily blown 
 up at the applause and commendation of every 
 unadvised Christian, to the endangering of a 
 poor creature to fall into the condemnation of 
 the devil. 
 
 303. I saw therefore that he that hath gifts 
 had need to be let into a sight of the nature 
 of them ; to w^t, that they come short of ma- 
 king of him to be in a truly saved condition, 
 lest he rest in them, and so fall short of the 
 grace of God. 
 
 304. He hath cause also to walk humbly 
 with God, and be little in his own eyes, and to 
 remember withal that his gifts are not his own, 
 but the church's ; and that by them he is made 
 a servant to the church, and he must give at 
 
 13 
 
146 BUNYAN'S 
 
 last an account of his stewardsliip unto tl;e 
 Lord Jesus ; and to give a good account will be 
 a blessed thing. 
 
 305. Let all men, therefore, prize a little, with 
 the fear of the Lord (gifts indeed are desirable :) 
 but yet great grace and small gifts are better 
 than great gifts and no grace. It doth not say, 
 the Lord gives gifts and glory, but, the Lord 
 gives grace and glory ; and blessed is such an 
 one to whom the Lord gives grace, true grace, 
 for that is a certain forerunner of glory. 
 
 306. But wdien Satan perceived that his thus 
 tempting and assaulting of me would not an- 
 swer his design, to wit, to overthrow the min- 
 istry, and make it ineffectual as to the ends 
 thereof; then he tried another w^ay, which was, 
 to stir up the minds of the ignorant and malicious 
 to load me w ith slanders and reproaches. Now 
 therefore I may sa}^, that what the devil could 
 devise, and his instruments invent, w^as whirled 
 up and down the country against me, thinking, 
 as I said, that by that means they should make 
 my ministry to be abandoned. 
 
 307. It began therefore to be rumoured up 
 and down among the people that I was a witch, 
 a Jesuit, a highwayman, and the like. 
 
 '308. To all which I shall only say, God 
 knows that I am innocent. But as for mine 
 accusers, let them provide themselves to meet 
 me before the tribunal of the Son of God, there 
 to answer for all these things (with all the rest 
 of their iniquities,) unless God shall give them 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 147 
 
 repentance for them ; for the which I pray with 
 all my lieart. 
 
 309. But that which was reported with the 
 boldest confidence was, that 1 had my misses, 
 my whores, my bastards ; yea, two wives at 
 once, and the like ! Now these slanders (with 
 the others) I glory in, because but slanders, 
 foohsh or knavish lies and falsehood, cast upon 
 me by the devil and his seed ; and, should I 
 not be dealt with thus wickedly by the world, 
 I should want one sign of a saint and a child 
 of God. " Blessed are ye (said the Lord Jesus) 
 when men shall revile you and persecute you, 
 and shall say all manner of evil of you falsely 
 for my sake : rejoice and be exceeding glad, for 
 great is your reward in heaven, for so perse- 
 cuted they the prophets which were before you."* 
 
 310. These things, therefore, upon mine own 
 account, trouble me not, no, though they were 
 twenty times more than they are. I have a 
 good conscience ; and whereas they speak evil 
 of me as an evil-doer, they shall be ashamed 
 that falsely accuse my good conversation in 
 Christ. 
 
 311. So then, what shall I say to those who 
 have thus bespattered me? Shall I tlireaten them? 
 Shall I chide them? Shall I flatter them? 
 Shall I entreat them to hold their tongues? No, 
 not I. AVere it not for that these things make 
 them ripe for damnation that are the authors 
 and abettors, I would say unto them, " Report 
 it ;" because it will increase my glory. 
 
 ♦ Matt. V. 11, 12, 
 
148 BUNYAN'S 
 
 312. Therefore I bind these lies and slanders 
 to me as an ornament : it belongs to my chris- 
 tian profession to be vihfied, slandered, re- 
 proached, and reviled ; and since all this is 
 nothing else, as my God and my conscience do 
 bear me witness, I rejoice in reproaches for 
 Christ's sake. 
 
 313. I also call all these fools and knaves 
 that have thus made it any thing of their busi- 
 ness to affirm any of these things afore-named 
 of me, namely, that I have been naught with 
 other women, or the like ; when they have used 
 the utmost of their endeavours, and made the 
 fullest inquiry that they can, to prove against 
 me truly, that there is any woman in heaven, 
 or earth, or hell, that can say I have at any 
 time, in any place, by day or night, so much 
 as attempted to be naught with them. And 
 speak I thus to beg mine enemies into a good 
 esteem of me ? No, not I ; I will in this beg 
 belief of no man : believe or disbelieve me in 
 this, all is a-case to me. 
 
 314. My foes have missed their mark in this 
 their shooting at me : I am not the man : 1 
 wish that they theniselves be guiltless. If all 
 tlie fornicators and adulterers in England were 
 Iianged up by the neck till they be dead, John 
 Bunyan, the object of their envy, would be still 
 alive and well. I know not whether there be 
 such a thing as a woman breathing imdei 
 the copes of the heavens, but by their apparel, 
 their children, or by common fame, except m} 
 wife. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 149 
 
 315. And in this I admire the wisdom of 
 God, tliat lie made me shy of women from my 
 first conversion until now. These know, and 
 can also hear me witness, with whom I have 
 been most intimately concerned, that it is a rare 
 thing to see me carry it pleasantly towards a 
 woman : the common salutation of women I 
 abhor, it is odious to me in whomsoever I see 
 it. Their company alone I cannot away with. 
 I seldom so much as touch a woman's hand ; 
 for I think these things are not so becoming 
 me. When I have seen good men salute those 
 women that they have visited, or that have 
 visited them, I have at times made my objec- 
 tion against it ; and when they have answered 
 that it was but a piece of civility, I have told 
 them it is not a comely sight. Some indeed r 
 have urged the holy kiss : but then I have ^ 
 asked why they made balks ? why they did 
 salute the most handsome, and let the ill- 
 favoured go ? Thus, how laudable soever such 
 things have been in the eyes of others, they 
 have been unseemly in my sight. 
 
 316. And now for a wind-up in this matter, 
 I call not only men, but angels, to prove me 
 guilty of having carnally to do with any woman 
 except my wife ; nor am I afraid to do it a 
 second time, knowing that I cannot olfend the 
 Lord in such a case, to call God for a record 
 upon my soul, that in these things I am inno- 
 cent. Not that I have been thus kept because 
 of any goodness in me more than any other, 
 but God has been merciful to me, and has kept 
 
 13* 
 
150 BUNYAIV'S 
 
 me : to whom I pray, that he will keep me still, 
 not only from this, but every evil way and work, 
 and preserve me to his heavenly kingdom. 
 Amen. 
 
 317. Now as Satan laboured by reproaches 
 and slanders to make me vile among my coun- 
 trymen, that, if possible, my preaching may be 
 made of none effect : so thereby was added 
 hereto a long and tedious imprisonment, that 
 thereby I might be frightened from my service 
 for Christ, and the world terrified, and made 
 afraid to hear me preach, of which I shall in 
 the next place give you a brief account. 
 
 BRIEF ACCOUNT 
 
 OF THE 
 
 AUTHOR'S IMPRISONMENT. 
 
 318. Having made profession of the gloriou§ 
 gospel of Christ a long time, and preached the 
 same about five years, I was apprehended at a 
 meeting of good people in tlie country ; among 
 whom, had they let me alone, I should have 
 preached that day ; but they took me away 
 from amongst them, and had me before a jus- 
 tice ; whoj after I had offered security for my 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 151 
 
 appearing the next sessions, yet committed me, 
 because my sureties would not consent to be 
 bound that I should preach no more to the 
 people. 
 
 319. At the sessions after I was indicted for 
 an upholder and maintaiuer of unlawful assem- 
 bhes and conventicles, and for not conforming 
 to the national worship of the Church of Eng- 
 land : and after some conference there willi the 
 justices, they, taking my plain dealing with 
 them for a confession, as they termed it, of the 
 indictment, did sentence me to a perpetual ban- 
 ishment, because I refused to conform. So be- 
 ing again delivered up to the gaoler's hands, I 
 was had home to prison, and there have lain 
 now complete twelve years, waiting to see what 
 God would suffer these men to do with me. 
 
 320. In which condition I have continued 
 with much content, through grace; but have 
 met with many turnings and goings upon my 
 heart, both from the Lord, Satan, and my own 
 corruption : by all which (glory be to Jesus 
 Christ !) I have also received, among many 
 thins^s. much conviction, instruction, and under- 
 standing ; of which at large I shall not here 
 discourse, only give you a hint or two, a word 
 that may stir up the godly to bless God, and to 
 pray for me ; and also to take encouragement, 
 should the case be their own, not to fear what 
 man can do unto them. 
 
 321. I never had in all njy life so great an 
 inlet into the word of God as now : those scrip- 
 tures that I saw nothing in before, were Tn^e 
 
152 BUNYAN'S 
 
 in this place and state to shine upon me : Jesus 
 Christ also was never more real and apparent 
 than now ; here I have seen and felt him in- 
 deed: oh ! that word, "We have not preached 
 unto you cunningly devised fables ;"* and that, 
 " God raised Christ from the dead, and gave 
 him glory, that our faith and hope might be in 
 God,"t were blessed words unto me in this im- 
 prisoned condition. 
 
 322. These three or four scriptures also have 
 been great refreshments in this condition to 
 me ; John xiv. 1, 2, 3, 4 ; John xvi. 33 ; Col. 
 iii. 3, 4 ; Heb. xii. 22, 23, 24. So that some- 
 times when I have been in the savour of them, 
 I have been able to laugh at destruction, and to 
 fear neither the horse nor his rider.l I have 
 had sweet sights of the forgiveness of my sins 
 in this place, and of my being with Jesus in 
 another world. Oh ! the Mount Sion, the hea- 
 venly Jerusalem, the innumerable company of 
 angels, and God the judge of all, and the spirits 
 of just men made perfect, and Jesus, have been 
 sweet unto me in this place ! I have seen that 
 here, that I am persuaded I shall never, while 
 in this world, be able to express : I have seen a 
 truth in this scripture, " Whom not having seen, 
 ye love : in whom, though now you see him 
 not, yet, beheving, ye rejoice with joy unspeak- 
 able, and full of glory. "§ 
 
 323. I never knew what it was for God to 
 stand by me at all turns, and at every offer of 
 
 * 2 Pet. i. 16. t 1 Pet. i. 2. 
 
 t See Exod. xv. 1. § 1 Pet. i. 8. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 153 
 
 Satan to afllict me, as I have found him since I 
 came in hither : for look, how fears have pre- 
 sented themselves, so have supports and encou- 
 ragements : yea, when I have started, even, as 
 it were, at nothing else but my shadow, yet 
 God, as being very tender of me, hath not suf- 
 fered me to be molested, but would, with one 
 scripture or another, strengthen me against all : 
 insomuch tliat I have often said, " Were it law- 
 ful, 1 could pray for greater trouble, for the 
 greater comfort's sake."* 
 
 324. Before I came to prison, I saw what was 
 coming, and had especially two considerations 
 warm upon my heart : the first was, how to be 
 able to encounter death, should that be here my 
 portion. For the first of these, that scripture! 
 was great information to me, namely, to pray 
 to God to be " strengthened with all might, ac- 
 cording to his glorious power, unto all patience 
 and long-suffering with joyfulness." I could 
 seldom go to prayer before I was imprisoned, 
 but for not so little as a year together, this sen- 
 tence, or sweet petition, would as it were, thrust 
 itself into my mind, and persuade me, that if 
 ever I would go through long-suffering I must 
 have patience, especially if 1 would endure it 
 joyfully. 
 
 325. As to the second consideration, that 
 saying was of great use to me, " But we had 
 the sentence of death in ourselves, that we 
 might not trust in ourselves, but in God, which 
 raisetli the dead." By this scripture I was made 
 
 * Eccles. vii. 14 j 2 Cor. i. 5. t Colos. i. 11. 
 
154 BUNYAN'S 
 
 to see, tC^ that if ever I would suffer rightly, I 
 must first pass a sentence of death upon every 
 thing that can properly be called a thing of this 
 life ; even to reckon myself, my wife, my chil- 
 dren, my health, my enjoyments, and all, as 
 dead to me, and myself as dead to them. 
 
 326. The second was, to live upon God that 
 is invisible ; as Paul said in another place,* the 
 way not to faint is, " to look not at the things 
 which are seen, but at the things which are not 
 seen ; for the things which are seen are tem- 
 poral, but the things which are not seen are 
 eternal." And thus I reasoned with myself, 
 " If I provide only for a prison, then the whip 
 comes at unawares, and so doth also the pillory. 
 Again : if I only provide for these, then I am 
 not fit for banishment. Further : if I conclude 
 that banishment is the worst, then if death 
 comes, I am surprised. So that I see the best 
 way to go through sufferings is to trust in God 
 through Christ, as touching the world to come; 
 and as touching this world, "to count the grave 
 my house, to make my bed in darkness ; and 
 to say to corruption. Thou art my father ; and 
 to the worm. Thou art my mother and sister :"t 
 that is, to famiharize these things to me. 
 
 327. But notwithstanding these helps, I found 
 myself a man encompassed with infirmities; the 
 parting with my wife and poor children hath 
 often been to me in this place as the pulling the 
 flesh from the bones ; and that not only because 
 I am somewhat too fond of these great mercies, 
 
 * 2 Cor. iv. 18. t See Job xvu. 13, 14. 
 
GRACE ABOUiNDING. 155 
 
 but also because I sliould have ofteu brought to 
 my mind tlie many liardships, miseries, and 
 wants, that niy poor family was like to meet 
 with, should I be taken from them ; especially 
 my poor blind child, who lay nearer my heart 
 than all beside : oh ! the thoughts of the hard- 
 ship 1 thought my poor bhnd one might go 
 under, would break my heart to pieces. 
 
 328. " Poor child ! (thought I) what sorrow 
 art thou like to have for thy portion in this 
 world ! Tljou must be beaten, must beg, suffer 
 hunger, cold, nakedness, and a thousand ca- 
 lamities, though I cannot now endure the wind 
 should blow upon thee." But yet recalling my- 
 self, thought I, " I must venture you all with 
 God, though it goeth to the quick to leave you." 
 Oh ! I saw in this condition I was as a man 
 who was pulling down his house upon the head 
 of his wife and children ; '' yet (thought I) I 
 must do it, I must do it." And now I thought 
 on those two milch-kine that were to carry the 
 ark of God into another country, and to leave 
 their calves behind them."* 
 
 329. But that which helped me in this 
 temptation was divers considerations, of which 
 three in special here I will name. The first 
 was the consideration of those two scriptures ; 
 '• Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve 
 them alive ; and let thy widows trust in me ;'"t 
 and again, " The Lord said. Verily it shall go 
 well with thy remnant ; verily, I will cause the 
 
 * See 1 Sam. vi. 10. t Jer. xlix. 11. 
 
156 BUNYAN'S 
 
 enemy to entreat thee well in the time of evil," 
 
 330. I had also this consideration, that if I 
 should venture all for God, I engaged God to 
 take care of my concernments ; but if I forsook 
 him in his ways for fear of any trouble that 
 should come to me or mine, then I should not 
 only falsify my profession, but should count also 
 that my concernments were not so sure, if left 
 at God's feet, whilst I stood to and for his name, 
 as they would be if they were under my own 
 care, though with the denial of the way of God. 
 This was a smarting consideration, and as 
 spurs into my flesh. That scripture also 
 greatly helped it to fasten the more on me, 
 where Christ prays against Judas, that God 
 would disappoint him in his selfish thoughts, 
 which moved him to sell his Master. Pray 
 read it soberly .t 
 
 331. I had also another consideration, and 
 that was the dread of the torments of hell, 
 which I was sure they must partake of, that for 
 fear of the cross, do shrink from their profession 
 of Christ, his words, and laws, before the sons 
 of men ; I thought also of the glory that He 
 had prepared for those that in faith, and love, 
 and patience, stood to his ways before them. — 
 These things. I say, have helped me, when the 
 thoughts of the miser}' that both myself and 
 mine might, for the sake of my profession, be 
 exposed to, have lain pinching on my mind. 
 
 332. When I have indeed conceited that I 
 
 * Jer. XV. 11. t Sec the 109th Psalm, ver. 6, 7. 8, &c. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. Off 
 
 niisfht be banished for my profession, then I 
 have thought of that scripture ;* '• They were 
 stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, 
 were slain with the sword ; they wandered 
 about in sheep-skins and goat-skins, being des- 
 titute, afflicted, tormented ; of whom the world 
 was not worthy ;" for all they thought they 
 were too bad too dwell and abide amongst them. 
 I have also thought of that saying, " The 
 Holy Ghost witnesseth in every city, that bonds 
 and afflictions abide me."t I have verily 
 thought that my soul and it have sometimes 
 reasoned about the sore and sad estate of a 
 banished and exiled condition, how they were 
 exposed to hunger, to cold, to perils, to naked- 
 ness, to enemies, and a thousand calamities ; 
 and at last, it may be to die in a ditch like a poor 
 and desolate sheep. But I thank God hitherto 
 I have not been moved by these most delicate 
 reasonings, but have rather by them more ap- 
 proved my heart to God. 
 
 333. I will tell you a pretty business : I was 
 once, above all the rest, in a very sad and low 
 condition for niany weeks, at which time also 
 £ being but a young prisoner, and not acquaint- 
 ed with the laws, I had this lying much upon 
 my spirits, " That my imprisonment might end 
 at the gaflows for auglit that I could tell." Now 
 therefore Satan laid hard at me, to beat me out 
 of heart, by suggesting thus unto me : ' But 
 how if, when you come indeed to die, you 
 should be in this condition ; that is, as not to 
 ♦ Heb. xi. 37, 38. t Acts xx. 23. 
 
 14 
 
J 58 BUNYAN'S 
 
 favour the things of God, nor to have any evi- 
 dence upon your soul for a better state hereaf- 
 ter ?' (for indeed at this time all the things of 
 God were hid from my soul.) 
 
 334. Wherefore^ when I first began to think 
 of this, it was a great trouble to me ; for J 
 thought with myself, that in the condition I now 
 was, I was not fit to die. neither indeed did I 
 think I could, if I could be called to it ; besides, 
 I thought with myself, if I should make a 
 scrambling shift to clamber up the ladder, yet 
 I should, either with quaking, or other symp- 
 toms of fainting, give occasion to the enemy to 
 reproach the way of God and his people for their 
 timorousness. This therefore lay with great 
 trouble upon me, for methought I was ashamed 
 to die with a pale face and tottering knees in 
 such a case as this. 
 
 335. Wherefore I prayed to God that he 
 would comfort me, and give me strength to do 
 and suffer what he should call me to : yet no 
 comfort appeared, but all continued hid : I was 
 also at this time so really possessed with the 
 thought of death, tbat oft I was as if I was on 
 the ladder with a rope about my neck ; only 
 this was some encouragement to me, I thought 
 I might now have an opportunity to speak my 
 last words unto a multitude, which I thought 
 w^ould come to see me die ; and, thought I, " If 
 it must be so, if God will but convert one soul 
 by my last words, I shall not count my life 
 thrown away nor lost." 
 
 336. But yet all the things of God were kept 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 159 
 
 out of my sis^ht, and still the tempter followed 
 me with — " But whither must you go when you 
 die? what will become of you ? where will you 
 be found in another world / what evidence have 
 you for heaven and glory, and an inheritance 
 among them that are sanctified V Thus was I 
 tossed for many weeks and knew not what to 
 do; at last this consideration fell with weight 
 upon me, " That it was for the word and way 
 of God that I was in this condition ; wherefore 
 I was engaged not to flinch an hair's breadth 
 from it." 
 
 337. I thought also that God might choose' 
 whether he would give me comfort now, or at 
 the hour of death; but I might not therefore 
 choose whether I would hold my profession or 
 no ; I was bound, but he was free ; yea, 'twas 
 my duty to stand to his word, whether he would 
 ever look upon me or save me at the last ; 
 \vherefore thought I, " Save the point being thus, 
 I am for going on and venturing my eternal 
 state with Christ, whether I l^tve comfort here 
 or no ; if God doth not come in (thought L) I 
 will leap off the ladder even blindfolded into 
 eternity ; sink or swim, come heaven, come hell, 
 Lord Jesus, if thou wilt catch me, do ; if not, I 
 will venture all for thy name." 
 
 338. I was no sooner fixed with this resolu- 
 tion, but this word dropped upon me, "Doth Job 
 serve God for nought 7"* as if the accuser had 
 said, " Lord, Job is no upright man, he serves 
 the for by-respects ; hast thou not made an 
 
 * Job i. 9. 
 
160 BUNYAN'S 
 
 hedge about him (and so forth ;) but put forth 
 now thine hand and touch ah that he hath, and 
 he will curse thee to thy face." — ''How now ! 
 (thought I) is this the sign of an upright soul, 
 to desire to serve God when all is taken from 
 liim ? Is he a godly man that will serve God 
 for nothing, rather than give out ? Blessed be 
 God, then, I hope I have an upright heart ; for 
 I am resolved (God giving me strength) never 
 to deny my profession, though I had nothing at 
 all for my pains." And as I was thus consider- 
 ing, that scripture was set before me, Psalm 44 
 ver. 12, &c. 
 
 339. Now was my heart full of comfort, for I 
 hoped it was sincere : I would not have been 
 without this tiial for much ; I am comforted 
 every time I think of it, and I hope I shall bless 
 God for ever, for the teaching I have had by it. 
 Many more of the dealings of God towards me 
 I might relate ; but these out of the spoils won 
 in battle have I dedicated to maintain the house 
 of God.* 
 
 CONCLUSION. 
 
 1. OF all the temptations that ever I met 
 with in my life; to question the being of God, 
 and truth of his gospel, is the worst, and the 
 
 * See 1 Chron. xxvi. 26. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 161 
 
 wor?t to be borne ; when this temptation comes 
 it takes away my girdle from me. and removeth 
 the foundation from under me. Oh ! I have 
 often thought of that word, ' Have your loins 
 girt about you with truth :* and of that, ' When 
 the foundations are destroyed, what can the 
 righteous do ?'t 
 
 II. Sometimes, when, after sin committed, I 
 have looked for sore chastisement from the hand 
 of God ; the very next that I have had from 
 him hath been the discovery of his grace. 
 Sometimes, when I have been comforted, I have 
 called myself a fool for my so sinking under 
 trouble ; and then again, when I have been cast 
 down, I thought I was not wise to give such 
 way to comfort : with such strength and weight 
 have both these been upon me. 
 
 III. I have wondered much at this one thing, 
 that though God doth visit my soul with never 
 so blessed a discovery of himself, yet I have 
 found again that such hours have attended me 
 afterwards; that I have been in my spirit so 
 filled with darkness, that I could not so much 
 as once conceive what that God and what that 
 comfort was Avith which I have been refreshed. 
 
 IV. I have sometimes seen more in a line of 
 the Bible than I could well tell how to stand 
 under ; and yet at another time the whole Bi- 
 ble hath been to me as a dry stick ; or rather, 
 my heart hath been so dead and dry unto it, 
 that I could not conceive tbe least dram of re- 
 freshment though 1 liave looked it all over. 
 
 * Eph. ^i. 11. t Psalm xi. 3. 
 
 13* 
 
162 BUNYAN'S 
 
 V. Of all fears, they are best that are made 
 by the blood of Christ ; and of all joy, that is 
 the sweetest that is mixed with mourning over 
 Christ, tj^ Oh ! it is a goodly thing to be on 
 our knees, with Christ in our arms, before God ! 
 I hope I know something of these things. 
 
 VI. I find to this day seven abominations in 
 my heart. 1. Inclining to disbehef. 2. Sud- 
 denly to forget the love and mercy that Christ 
 manifesteth. 3. A leaning to the works of the' 
 Law. 4. Wanderings and coldness in prayer. 
 5. To forget to watch for that I pray for. 6. Apt 
 to murmur because I have no more, and yet 
 ready to abuse what I have. 7. I can do none 
 of those things which God commands me, but 
 my corruption will thrust in themselves : — 
 " When I would do good, evil is present with 
 me."* 
 
 VII. These things I continually see and feel, 
 and am afflicted and oppressed with ; yet the 
 wisdom of God doth order them for my good. 
 1. They make me abhor myself. 2. They 
 keep me from trusting my heart. 3. They 
 convince me of the insufficiency of all inherent 
 righteousness. 4. They show me the necessity 
 of flying to Jesus. 5. They press me to pray 
 unto God. 6. They show me the need I have 
 to watch and be sober. 7. And provoke me to 
 pray unto God, through Christ, to help me, and 
 carry me through this world. 
 
 * Rom. vii. 21. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. IW 
 
 A CONTINUATION 
 
 MR. BUNYAN'S LIFE ; 
 
 Beginning where he left off, and concluding with the time 
 and mariner of his death and burial ; together with his true 
 character, &c. 
 
 Reader, 
 The painful and industrious author of this 
 book has ah-eady given you a faithful and very 
 moving relation of the beginning and middle 
 of the days of his pilgrimage on earth ; and 
 since there yet remains somewhat worthy of 
 notice and regard wliich occurred in the last 
 scene of his life, the which, for want of time, or 
 for fear some over-censorious people should im- 
 pute it to him as an earnest coveting of praise 
 from men, he has not left behind him in wtI- 
 ting : wherefore, as a true friend, and long ac- 
 <iuaintance of Mr. Bunyan's, that his good end 
 may be known, as weU as his evil begiiming, I 
 have taken upon me, from my knowledge, and 
 the best account given by other of his friends, 
 to piece this to .the thread (too soon broke off), 
 and so lengthen it out to his entering upon 
 eternity. 
 
164 BUNYAN'S 
 
 He has told 5^011 at large of his birth and edu- 
 cation ; the evil habits and corruptions of his 
 youth ; the temptations he struggled and con- 
 flicted so frequently with ; the mercies, comforts, 
 and deliverances he found ; how he came to 
 take upon him the preaching of the gospel ; the 
 slanders, reproaches, and imprisonments that 
 attended him : and the progress he notwith- 
 standing made (by the assistance of God's 
 grace), no doubt to the saving of many souls. 
 Therefore take these things, as he himself hath 
 methodically laid them down in the words of 
 verity ; and so I pass on to what remains. 
 
 After his being freed from his twelve years* 
 imprisonment and upwards, for n on -conformity, 
 wherein he had time to furnish the world with 
 sundry good books, <fec., and by his patience, to 
 move Dr. Barlow, the then bishop of Lincoln, 
 and other churchmen to pity his hard and un- 
 reasonable sufferings, so far as to stand very 
 much his friends, in procuring his enlargement, 
 or there perhaps he had died, by the noisome- 
 ness and ill usage of the place ; being now, I 
 say, again at liberty, and having, through 
 mercy, shaken off his bodily fetters, (for those 
 upon his soul were broken before by the abound- 
 ing grace that filled his heart.) he went to visit 
 those that had been a comfort to him in his 
 tribulation, with a christian-like acknowledg- 
 ment of their kindness and enlargement of 
 charity; giving encouragement«by his example, 
 if it happened to be their hard haps to fall into 
 affliction or trouble, then to suffer patiently for 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 165 
 
 the sake of a good conscience, and for the love 
 'of God in Jesns Christ toward tlieir sonls ; and 
 by many cordial persuasions supported some, 
 whose spirits began to sink low, through the 
 fear of danger that threatened their worldly 
 concernment ; so tliat the people found a won- 
 derful consolation in Ins discourse and admo- 
 nitions. 
 
 As often as opportunity would admit, he ga- 
 thered them together (though the law was then 
 in force against meetings) in convenient places, 
 and fed them with the " sincere milk of the 
 word," that they might grow up in grace 
 thereby. To such as were any where taken 
 and imprisoned upon these accounts, he made 
 it another part of his business to extend his 
 charity, and gather relief for such of them as 
 wanted. 
 
 He took great care to visit the sick, and 
 strengthen them against the suggestions of the 
 tempter, which at some times are very preva- 
 lent ; so that they had cause for ever to bless 
 God, who had put it into his heart, at such a 
 time, to rescue thejii from the power of the roar- 
 ing lion, who sought to devour them. Nor did 
 he spare any pains or labour in travel, though 
 to the remote counties, where he knew or ima- 
 gined any people might stand in need of his as- 
 sistance ; insomuch that some, by these visita- 
 tions that he had made, which were two or 
 three every year, some (though in jeering man- 
 ner, no doubt) gave him the epithet of bishop 
 Bunyan ; whilst others envied him for his so 
 
166 BUNYAN'S 
 
 earnestly labouring in Christ's vineyard: yef 
 the seed of the word he all this while sowed in 
 the hearts of his congregation, watered with the 
 grace of God, brought forth in abundance, in 
 bringing in disciples to the Church of Christ. 
 
 Another part of his time he spent in reconcil- 
 ing differences, by which he hindered many 
 mischiefs, and saved some families from ruin ; 
 and in such fallings-out he was uneasy till he 
 found a means to labour a reconciliation, and 
 become a peace-maker, on whom a blessing is 
 promised in holy writ : and indeed in doing 
 this good office, he may be said to sum up his 
 days, it being the last undertaking of his life, as 
 will appear in the close of this paper. 
 
 When, in the late reign,* liberty of conscience 
 was unexpectedly given and indulged to dissen- 
 ters of all persuasions, his piercing wit penetra- 
 ted the veil, and found that it was not for the 
 dissenters' sakes they were so suddenly freed 
 from the prosecutions that had long lain heavy 
 upon them, and set, in a manner, on an equal 
 foot with the church of England, which the pa- 
 pists were undermining, and about to subvert: 
 he foresaw all the advantages that could re- 
 dound to the dissenters would have been no 
 more than what Polyphemus, the monstrous 
 giant of Sicily, would have allowed Ulysses, viz. 
 that he would eat his men first, and do him the 
 favour of being eaten last ; for although Mr. 
 Bunyan, following the examples of others, did 
 lay hold of this liberty, as an acceptable thing 
 
 * The reign of James II. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 167 
 
 in itself, knowing God is the only Lord of con- 
 science, and that it is s^ood at all times to do ac- 
 cordinfT- to the dictates of a good conscience, and 
 that tlie preaciiing tlieglad tidings of the gospel 
 is beantifid in the preacher; yet in all this he 
 moved with caution and a holy fear, earnestly 
 praying for the averting the impending judg- 
 ments, which he saw, like a black tempest, 
 hanging over our heads for our sins, and ready 
 to break in upon us, and that the Ninevites' 
 remedy was now highly necessary. Hereupon 
 he gathered his congregation at Bedford, where 
 he mostly lived, and had lived and spent the 
 greatest part of his life ; and there being no 
 convenient place to be had for the entertain- 
 ment of so great a confluence of people as fol- 
 lowed him upon the account of his teaching, he 
 consulted with them for the building of a meet- 
 ing-house, to which they made their voluntary 
 contributions with all cheerfulness and alacrity ; 
 and the first time he appeared there to edify, the 
 place was so thronged, that many were con- 
 strained to stay without, though the house was 
 very spacious ; every one striving to partake of 
 his instructions that were of his persuasion, and 
 show their good-v/ill towards him, by being 
 present at the opening of the place : and here 
 he lived in much peace and quiet of mind, con- 
 tenting himself with that little God had bestowed 
 upon him, and sequestering himself from all 
 secular employments, to follow that of his call 
 to the ministry : for, as God said to Moses, " He 
 that made the lips and heart, can give eloquence 
 
168 BUNYAN'S 
 
 and wisdoni;" without extraordinary acquire- 
 ments in an university. 
 
 During these things there were regulators 
 sent into all cities and towns corporate to new- 
 model the government in the magistracy, &c. 
 by turning out some, and putting in others. 
 Against this Mr. Bunyan expressed his zeal 
 with some weariness, as foreseeing the bad con- 
 sequence that would attend it, and laboured 
 with his congregation to prevent their being im- 
 posed on in this kind ; and when a great man 
 in those days, coming to Bedford upon some 
 such errand, sent for him, as it is supposed, to 
 give him a place of public trust, he would by no 
 means come to him, but sent, his excuse. 
 
 When he was at leisure from writing and 
 teaching, he often came up to London, and 
 there Avent among the congregations of the non- 
 conformists, and used his talent to the great 
 good-liking of the hearers ; and even some to 
 whom he had been misrepresented upon the ac- 
 count of his education, were convinced of his 
 worth and knowledge in sacred things, as per- 
 ceiving him to be a man of sound judgment, w 
 dehvering himself plainly and powerfully ; in- m 
 somuch that many who came spectators for 
 novelty, rather than to be edified and improved, 
 went away well satisfied with what they heard, 
 and wondered as the Jews did at the apostles, 
 viz. whence this man should have these things ; 
 perhaps not considering that God more imme- 
 diately assists those that make it their business 
 
 I 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 169 
 
 industriously and cheerfully to labour in his 
 vineyard. 
 
 Thus he spent his latter years in imitation of 
 his great Lord and Master, the ever-blessed 
 Jesus ; he went about doing good : so that the 
 most prying critic, or even malice herself, is de- 
 fied to find, even upon the narrowest search or 
 conversation, any sully or stain upon his repu- 
 tation with which he may be justly charged : 
 and this we note, as a challenge to those that 
 have the least regard for him, or them of his 
 persuasion, and have one way or other appeared 
 in the front of those that oppressed hijn ; and 
 for the turning whose hearts, in obedience to 
 the commission and commandment given him 
 of God ; he frequenth^ prayed, and sometimes 
 sought a blessing for them, even with tears ; 
 the efiects of which they may, perad venture, 
 though undeservedly, have found in their per- 
 sons, friends, relations, or estates ; for God will 
 hear the prayer of the faithful, and answer 
 them, even for them that vex them : as it hap- 
 pened in the case of Job's praying for the three 
 persons that had been fxiievous in their reproaches 
 against him, even in the day of his sorrow. 
 
 But yet let me come a little nearer to particu- 
 lars, and periods of time, for the better refresh- 
 ing the memories of those that knew his labour 
 and sufferings, and for the satisfaction of all 
 that shall read this book. 
 
 After he was sensil)ly convicted of the wicked 
 state of his life, and converted, he was baptized 
 into the congregation, and admitted a member 
 15 
 
170 BUNYAN'S 
 
 thereof, viz. in the year 1655, and became 
 speed ity a very zealous professor : but upon the 
 return of King Charles to the crown in 1660, 
 he was, on the 12th of November, taken, as he 
 was edifying some good people that were got 
 together to hear the word, and confined in Bed- 
 ford gaol for the space of six years ; till, the act 
 of Indulgence to Dissenters being allowed, he 
 obtained his freedom, by the intercession of 
 some in trust and power, that took pity on his 
 sufferings : but witliin six years afterwards he 
 was again taken up, viz. in the year 1666, and 
 was then confined for six years more, when the 
 gaoler took such pity of his rigorous sufferings, 
 that he did as tlie Egyptian gaoler did to Joseph, 
 put all the care and trust in his hand. When 
 he was taken this last time, he was preaching 
 on these words, viz. " Dost thou believe the Son 
 of God?'' And this imprisonment continued 
 six years ; and when this was over, another 
 short affliction, which was an imprisonment of 
 half a year, fell to his share. During these 
 confinements, he wrote these following books, 
 viz. " Of Prayer by the Spirit ;" " The Holy 
 City's Resurrection ;" '• Grace abounding ;" " Pil- 
 grim's Progress," the first part. 
 
 In the last year of his twelve year's imprison- 
 ment, the pastor of the congregation at Bedford 
 died ; and he was chosen to that care of souls, 
 on the 12th of December, 1671. And in this 
 his charge, he often had disputes with scholars 
 that came to oppose him, as supposing him an 
 ignorant person ; and though he argued plainly. 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 171 
 
 and by Scripture without phrases and logical 
 expressions, yet he nonplused one who came to 
 oppose him in his congregation, by demanding, 
 whether or no we had the true copies of the 
 original scriptures ? and another, when lie was 
 preaching, accused him of uncharitableness, for 
 saying, it was very hard for most to l)e saved ; 
 saying, by that he went about to exclude most 
 of his congregation : but he confuted him, and 
 put him to silence with the parable of the stony 
 ground, and other texts out of the 13th chapter 
 of St. Matthew, in our Saviour's sermon out of 
 a ship ; all his methods being to keep close to 
 the Scriptures, and what he found not war- 
 ranted there, himself would not warrant nor 
 determine, unless in such cases as were plain, 
 wherein no doubts or scruples did arise. 
 
 But not to make any farther mention of this 
 kind, it is well known that this person managed 
 all his affairs with such exactness, as if he had 
 made it his study, above ail other things, not to 
 give occasion of offence, but rather sulfer many 
 inconveniences to avoid it ; being never heard 
 to reproach or revile any, what injury soever he 
 received, but rather to rebuke those that did : 
 and as it was in his conversation, so it is mani- 
 fested in those books he has caused to be pub- 
 lished to the world ; where, like the archangel 
 disputing with Satan about the body of iMoses, 
 as we find it in the epistle of St. Jude, he 
 " brings no railing accusation," but leaves the 
 rebukers (those that persecuted him) to the 
 Lord. 
 
172 BUNYAN'S 
 
 In his family, he kept up a very strict dis- 
 cipline in prayer and exhortations ; being in 
 this like Joshua, as that good man expresses 
 it,* viz. "Whatsoever others did; as for me and 
 my house, we will serve the Lord :" and indeed 
 a blessing waited on his labours and endea- 
 vours : so that his wife, as the Psalmist says,t 
 was hke a pleasant vine upon the walls of his 
 house, and his children like olive-plants round 
 his table : for so shall it be with the man that 
 fears the Lord !" And though by reason of the 
 many losses he sustained by imprisonment and 
 spoil, of his chargeable sickness, &c. his earthly 
 treasure swelled not to excess ; he always had 
 sufficient to live decently and creditably, and 
 with that he had the greatest of all treasures, 
 which is, content ; for, as the wise man says, 
 " That is a continual feast." 
 
 But where content dwells, even a poor cottage 
 is a kingly palace : and this happiness he had 
 all his life long ; not so much minding this 
 world, as knowing he was here " as a pilgrim 
 and stranger, and had no tarrying city, but 
 looked for one made with hands eternal in the 
 highest heavens." But at length, worn out 
 with sufferings, age, and often teaching, the 
 day of his dissolution drew near, and death, 
 that unlocks the prison of the soul, to enlarge 
 it for a more glorious mansion, put a stop to his 
 acting his part on the stage of mortality : Hea- 
 ven, hke earthly princes, when it threatens war, 
 being always so kind as to call home its am- 
 
 * Josh, xxiv, 15. t Psalm cxxviii. 8. 
 
 \ 
 
GRACE ABOUNDING. 173 
 
 bassadois before it be denounced : and even the 
 last act or undertaking of liis, was a labour of 
 love and charity ; for it so fallin*]^ out that a 
 young gentleman, a neighbour of Mr. Bunyan's, 
 happening into the displeasure of his father, and 
 being niucli troubled in mind on that account, 
 and also for that he heard his father purposed 
 to disinherit him, or otherwise deprive him of 
 what he had to leave ; lie pitched u[)on Mr. 
 Bunyau as a fit man to make way for his sub- 
 mission, and prepare his father's mind to receive 
 him ; and he, as willing to any good office, as 
 it could be requested, as readily undertook it; 
 and so. ridinsf to Readins^ in Berkshire, he there 
 used such pressing arguments and reasons 
 against anger and passion, as also for love and 
 reconciliation, that the father was mollified, and 
 his bowels yearned towards his returning son. 
 
 But Mr. Bunyan, after he had disposed all 
 things to the best for acConnnodation, returning 
 to London, and being overtaken with excessive 
 rains, coming to his lodging extremely wet, fell 
 sick of a violent fever, which he bore with 
 much constancy and patience, and expressed 
 himself as if he desired nothing more than to 
 be dissolved, and be with Christ ; in that case, 
 esteeming death as gain, and life only a tedious 
 delaying felicity expected ; and finding his vital 
 strength decay, having settled his mind and 
 aflfairs, as well as the shortness of time and the 
 violence of his disease would permit, with a 
 constant and Christian patience, he resigned 
 his soul into the hands of his most merciful 
 Redeemer, following his Pilgrim from the City 
 15* 
 
174 BUNYAN'S 
 
 of Destruction to the New Jerusalem ; his bet- 
 ter part having been all along there, in holy 
 contemplation, pantings and breathings after 
 the hidden manna and water of life ; as by 
 many holy and humble consolations, expressed 
 in his letters to several persons in prison and 
 out of prison, too many to be inserted at pre- 
 sent. — He died at the house of one Mr. Strad- 
 dock, a grocer, at the Star on Snow-hill, in the 
 parish of St. Sepulchre, London, on the 12th 
 of August, 1688, and in the sixtieth year of his 
 age, after ten days' sickness ; and was buried 
 in the new burying place, near the Artillery- 
 ground, where he sleeps till the morning of the 
 resurrection, in hopes of a glorious rising to an 
 incorruptible immortality of joy and happiness, 
 where no more trouble and sorrow shall afflict 
 him, but all tears be wiped away : when the 
 just shall be incorporated as members of Christ 
 their head, and reign with him as kings and 
 priests for ever. 
 
GR.\CE ABOUNDING. 175 
 
 BRIEF CHARACTER 
 
 MR. JOHN BUNYAN. 
 
 He appeared in countenance to be of a stern 
 and rough temper ; but in his conversation mild 
 and affable, not given to loquacity or much dis- 
 course in company, unless some urgent occasion 
 required it : observing never to boast of himself 
 or his parts, but rather seem low in his own 
 eyes, and submit himself to the judgment of 
 others ; abhorring lying and swearing, being 
 just in all that lay in his power to his word ; 
 not seeming to revenge injuries, loving to recon- 
 cile diiferences, and make friendship with all : 
 he had a sharp quick eye, accompanied with 
 an excellent discerning of persons, being of good 
 judgment and c[uick wit. As for his person, 
 he was tall of stature, strong boned, though not 
 corpulent, somewhat of a ruddy face, with 
 sparkling eyes, wearing his hair on his upper 
 lip, after the old British fashion ; his hair red- 
 dish, but, in his latter days, time liad sprinkled 
 it with gray ; his nose well set, but not declin- 
 ing or bending; and his mouth moderately 
 large ; his forehead somewhat high, and his 
 habit always plain and modest. — And thus we 
 have impartially described the internal and ex- 
 
175 BUNl'AN'S GRACE ABOUNDING 
 
 ternal parts of a person, whose death has been 
 much regretted : a person who had tried the 
 smiles and frowns of time ; not puffed up in 
 prosperity, nor shaken in adversity ; always 
 holding- the golden mean. 
 
 In !iiin at once did three great worthies shine, 
 Historian, poet, and a choice divine. 
 Then let him rest in undisturbed dust, 
 tTntil the resurrection of the just. 
 
 POSTSCRIPT. 
 
 In this his pilgrimage, God blessed him with 
 four children ; one of which, named Mary, was 
 bhnd, and died some years before : his other 
 children were Thomas, Joseph, and Sarah ; and 
 his wife Elizabeth, having lived to see him 
 overcome his labour and sorrow, and pass from 
 this life to receive the reward of his works, long 
 survived him not ; for in 1692 she died, to fol- 
 low her faithful pilgrim from this world to the 
 other, v.hither he was gone before her ; whilst 
 his works, which consist of sixty books, remain 
 for the edifying of the reader, and praise of the 
 author. — Farewell. 
 

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